#OOC: guys please

[ask-oliver-berkley]

I'm bored af rn

And I don't wanna do laundry

Give me some asks to give me an excuse not to do anything

[piningpercussionist]

Okay. Fellas. Real talk. I've seen some of you do it and I thank you profusely for doing so but can yall PLEASE credit the original artist of that piece yall kinda made into an a dtiys/art meme? That's not official art. I am point blank refusing to engage with any of these pieces that I see not doing such. (Even when it pains me to keep scrolling, because some of them are really good!! And I want them here!!! But I do have some rules for myself I try to stand firm by with this blog.)

Like you can literally see them say right there that it's fine IF YOU CREDIT. I'm fucking begging you.

I'm not mad at anyone who didn't know but I've seen SO MANY versions at this point, and I think I've seen maybe 3 or 4 of them RECENTLY include the credit. (And one with improper credit, I think?) Please. Please just. Tack it on.

[muchmossymess]

Gwaine: ...was that what I think it was?

Arthur: WHERE did Morgana get a DRAGON from!?

Merlin: I have no idea... get Gwaine back to Percival. I'll lure the dragon the other way.

Arthur, grabbing him: Merlin, I've always known you were stupid, but not that stupid.

Merlin: No, really, I'm that stupid. And if you don't believe me, watch. *runs off*

Arthur: Merlin!

Arthur: ...

Gwaine: ...

Arthur: I'm going after him.

[toomanybrainrots]

hello everything is fine? I saw that orders are open!! I would like to know if you can write mtmte ultra megatron, rodimus and fort max headcanons with a cybertronian s/o who can create portals to other dimensions? (as if the reader were going to travel through the multiverses of Transformers Prime, G1, Bayverse, etc.).

Everything is fine, and this is the first request! It's been a while since I've read the IDW comics, so this may be ooc(especially for fort max cause this is the first time i'm actually writing him) but I can say I atleast tried. I'd like to not there's probably grammar mistakes due to me not being that fluent in english and because this has not been proofread.

Ultra Magnus, Megatron, Rodimus and Fortress Maximus with a Cybertronian!S/O who can travel to different universes

Ultra Magnus

Ultra Magnus found out about your ability by accident

When you had locked yourself in your habsuite, he thought nothing of it, thinking that you simply needed some alone time

You did, but not in the way he was thinking

So it definitely surprised him when a portal appeared in his own habsuite and it spat out you

You both held prolounged optic contact as he registered what just happened

You hadn't anticipated that the portal was going to spit you out into Magnus' habsuite, and now you were trying to think of ways on how to explain this...situation.

You stared at him. He stared back. This continued for what seemed like an eternity before you finally broke the silence

"...hi?"

Ultra Magnus was internally screaming in his processor, you could tell.

You both sat down, and talked like the civil bots you were(despite you both internally screaming) and you explained your ability.

He listened intently as you explained your ability, and he couldn't help but be a bit fascinated by it. After all, you can travel to different universes, and that alone is pretty groundbreaking. He didn't believe in alternate universes but now? You just proved him wrong.

After you finished, he started to ask questions. Could you only bring yourself whenever you travel to other dimensions? If not, is there a limit? Can you bring another from one universe to the next? He wanted to know the full details, to be fully prepared if anything happens.

You answered all of them, and furthee explained your ability in the process. He mentally took notes, listening intently.

After that, it became more and more normal to him whenever a portal opened up in his habsuite. Either you just got back from travelling to a universe, or you wanted to show him something from a universe. Either way, he was happy to indulge in you whenever he could.

However, in the back of his processor, there was a small feeling of worry. What if you didn't come back? What if you died? Would he feel it through the conjunx bond you shared? What if he couldn't?

But for now, he pushed those thoughts to the back of his processor, and listened to you explaining a plant that came from a universe you went to. To him, all that mattered was that you came back safe.

Megatron

Like Ultra Magnus, he also found out by accident

He knew you were hiding something, the signs were obvious to him. He didn't ask or demand you tell him though, as you'd probably tell him whenever you wanted to

It was purely a coincidence that he had walked into the engine room at the same time you were walking out a portal, having gone to another universe

Thankfully, no one was in the engine room at the time besides you and him. So, you didn't have to worry about anyone else finding out

Megatron, thinking he had been hallucinating and probably low on fuel at the time, started to slowly back out of the engine room after a long period of silence

When he walked into the engine room, he didn't think he'd see you coming out of a literal portal that lead to who knows where.

You looked at him. He looked back.

After a long period of silence, Megatron deemed it a good idea to get out of the engine room before the hallucinations worsen. He should probably get some fuel on the way too, clearly he's low on it.

"Hey, wait!" He heard you call out. Oh no, the hallucinations have worsen.

After convincing Megatron that you were not a hallucination caused by low fuel— you also scolded him for not fueling properly— you explained the situation

He listened intently, nodding along as you explained your ability. When you demonstrated it by olening a portal to another universe, he was surprised. He did see you come out of one, but he hadn't fully seen it up close

Never had he seen an ability like yours in his lifetime, and he almost felt like a fresh spark seeing the world for the first time. It was more than fascinating, and he would definitely ask questions later

He couldn't help but feel a pang of worry now that he knew about this. You had probably been doing this for some time, but he couldn't help but feel worried. What if you got hurt during one of your trips? What if another version of him hurt you?

Because of that, he often insisted he go with you whenever you go on a trip to another universe, insisting he protect you. You knew he was doing this cause he cared, but you could handle yourself, you've been doing this for vorns for pits sake!

After a long talk, he agreed to tone it down a bit. But he still insisted he go with you for a few trips. With an annoyed sigh, you agreed, knowing that he probably wouldn't stop until you said yes

He felt more at ease whenever he could join you in your trips to other universes, knowing he was there meant he could protect you. There was still some worry in the back of his processor, what if you got hurt when he wasn't there? He couldn't forgive himself if you did.

For now, he pushed those thoughts away, choosing to admire the way your expression was filled with awe as you looked at the universe you two were in.

Rodimus

Rodimus knew you were hiding something, and always bugged you about it, begging you tell him your little secret. You always refused, and that made him pout(of course, he'd never admit it outloud, but you could always see it)

That was, until he accidentally found out.

Rodimus had suddenly barged into your quarters, having gotten bored and wanting to spend time with you

Unbeknownst to him, you had just finished a trip to a universe, and had stumbled out the portal when he suddenly barged in.

You stumbled out of the portal when you heard someone coming into your quarters suddenly, falling midway walk

"Heeyyy, think you can—" Rodimus paused as he saw you, who had fallen over and still had your pede in the portal.

He had his intake hanging agape, while your processor was working overtime to try and explain this

"HOLY FR—" You tackled faster him than you've ever had

He exploded into questions, clearly confused and also very curious. It took a while for you to get him to shut up and sit still(not like he ever could)

He listened to you as you explained your ability. Really, he was kind of tuning it out— but he was still listening! It's just that he had so much questions crowding his processor. But also doubts and worries, what if you never came back? What if you just left and found a better version of him?

But once you demonstrated your ability, and explained you could bring someone along with you, oh that was enough for Rodimus to get distracted from those gloomy thoughts

He begged you to bring him along the next trip you went, you refused him each time. He always had a pout on his face whenever you refused, and you couldn't help but feel guilty

Because of that, you ended up surprising Rodimus by bringing him to another universe disguised as a normal date

The awe and excited filled expression on his face, the way his spoiler kept twitching and moving in excitement. Yeah, it was worth it.

That was, until Rodimus almost got himself into trouble while you were there.

Fortress Maximus

Fortress Maximus almost had a spark attack when he saw you coming through a. Primus. Damn. Portal.

He honestly thought he was hallucinating and that someone had spiked the energon he was drinking.

He was also very a tad bit alarmed

Fortress Maximus almost physically jumped as he saw a portal appear out of Primus knows where and you coming out of it.

Was he hallucinating? Did someone spike his energon??

However, when you walk up to him and touch his servo. He realises that no, this is not a hallucination and this was very real.

You're very worried when he starts to look like he's about to faint

He manages to stay calm when you're explaining your ability. Hwoever, onc you're finished he turns into a complete flurry of questions

Were you okay? How long had you been doing this? Had this been hurting you or straining your frame? Had you been getting hurt and he didn't even know it for so long?—

You stopped him before he could ask more, and reassuring him that. Yes, you were okay. You had been doing this a while. No, it didn't hurt you. And no, you hadn't been getting hurt behind his back.

He calmed down a bit when you reassured him but he was still very worried for you

Now, whenever you got back from a trip to another universe, he always worried over you like a mother hen. Checking you over for injuries, making sure you got proper rest after the trip, all sorts of stuff

It was annoying at first, but you got used to it. This was his way of saying he cared for you, so you didn't mind overtime, and you always reassured him that you were okay each and every time

[ask-kas-n-lamp]

INFECTED!!!!!!!!! LAMPERT!!!!!!

VEEERRRRRRYYYYY IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!

What’s your relationship with each other, like are yall frenemies or are you enemies or are yall just chill?

not meant to be mean this is just the third and fourth ask weve gotten about infected and that has been the first thing stated on our pinned post the whole time and we genuinely cannot keep finding ways to address it in character

[ruinationz]

tired: caine x pomni, in the sense that caine is trying to keep her there forever with his own malicious intentions (and pomni has given up entirely, probably on the verge of abstracting if caine will even LET her), or pomni is using the relation in order to escape . very bad. very ooc. what is wrong with you

wired: caine x pomni: in the sense that they both understand that they cannot be together forever and that's ok. they still love eachother so so SO much nothing can change that and are ACTIVELY working to help pomni escape in a way that she can bring caine with her.

sometimes they find themselves thinking "i want to be with you forever", then pausing and going "...when exactly is 'forever', really?". sometimes one panics over the idea of being abandoned and going back to square one all over again, or one of them abstracting, or some horrible event that will separate the two. but they understand that the shitty situation exists and is stopping them from anything further, and they're trying to fix it as best as they can. and even if they do part one day (in the case that caine is unable to, somehow, come to the physical world), who cares? they'll have one another in their hearts, holding their memory close for as long as they live

then again it's 8 in the morning, im half-asleep, and have no idea what im doing

[angelyuji]

lost keys

william afton x afab!reader warnings: noncon sex, kidnapping, creepy boss, gross power dynamics, william afton is a murderer, ooc-willy, henry lost charlie, william lost evan, this story follows my own personal canon abt fnaf :) violence, williams a sick sick freak and i want him bad sawry, she/her pronouns for reader

MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY!

william afton sucked. he was an asshole and a creep, but he was also your boss.

“god he’s so awful.” your coworker whispers as you both wipe down tables. the pizzeria was closing and you both watch as he stalks around, watching everyone. “i miss henry. i hate when ass-ton’s around.” she sighs and you agree. henry emily had taken the last couple weeks off, and rumors spread around that there was a death in the family. you stay silent, eager to finish your work and leave. both of you wince as you hear william shout out orders to one of your coworkers. william comes near you both to inspect your work. he places a hand on your lower back, leaning in to check. you feel a chill go down your back at his touch. you resist the urge to creep away, but as he rubs his thumb against your back, you immediately jump away.

“finish up quick.” he gives you a stare and walks away to the others. your coworker grabs your arm.

“ew, what the hell was that?” she looks at you panicked.

“god, i hate when he does shit like that.” you whisper to her. she whips her head to look at you.

“he’s done that before?” she whispers.

“yeah, like i forgot my hat once and he called me into his office and put the hat on me and like… called me his good girl.” you shudder as you recount the situation. you friend stares at you, jaw dropped.

“what the actual-” she raises her voice, but you cut her off.

“shit, let’s finish up and get out of here.” you panic as he looks back at you both at her voice. everyone finishes their work and chat as they head out. you stand at the front, fishing through your pockets for your car keys.

“what’s wrong?” your friend stops to look at you. you sigh, exhausted.

“i forgot my keys, man…” she laughs at you, before patting you on the shoulder. you turn to head back inside.

“you want me to wait for you?” she calls out as you open the door.

“nah, you can go. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

“you sure? i know ass-ton’s still here. i don’t want to leave you alone with that creep.” her eyebrows furrow as she remembers what happened earlier.

“don’t worry, i’ll be okay. he won’t even hear me come in.” you wave her off. she, hesitantly, waves goodbye and you head back inside. the pizzeria was creepier that usual as you stand alone in the front. you turn to wave to the animatronics, but they weren’t on stage. “he must be doing some repairs…” you mumble to yourself before calling out, “mr. afton? i just wanted to ask if you’ve seen my keys?” silence follows and you sigh, thankful. you head to the employee room to see if you left them there. you walk down the silent hall, your footsteps echoing. you feel the hair on the back of your neck raise as you walk down the dark hallway. you pass ass-ton’s office and you see the light on. you quietly pass by his office, not wanting to get interrogated by him. you turn the knob to the employee room and quietly go in, the door squeaks and you wince. you spot your keys on a table and grab them. you feel relief flood your veins, happy to go home.

“(y/n).” you jump, startled at the voice. william stood at the door, an edge to his tone.

“mr. afton! ha, i don’t know if you heard me, but i- uh- i forgot my keys.” you lightly slap your forehead, nervously laughing. he doesn’t move from the entrance. you don’t move either, feeling something wrong.

“if i had known that all it took were some keys to get you alone…” your boss chuckles darkly. he starts to walk closer to you and you back up, panic setting in. you notice something in his hand, glinting in the darkness.

“oh god…” you see the knife and put the pieces together. you realize that as he walked to you, he stopped blocking the door and you make a break for it. you try to sprint around him, but his hand lashes out and wraps around a chunk of your hair. you scream and he pulls you to the ground, your head throbs. he’s on top of your legs, holding you down. william cackles as you scream, he tries to bring the knife down into your stomach, but you hit him as hard as you can wherever you could reach. shocked, william stumbles off and you run down the hallway.

“THERE’S NO WHERE TO RUN, (Y/N)!” he screams after you. you hear his thundering footsteps follow and you run into the first open room, slamming the door shut. he bangs on the door for a couple seconds before stalking away. you breathe out a sigh in relief. you turn and hold back a scream as chica and bonnie stares back at you. the smell hits you suddenly, the stench of iron. you notice the blood dripping to the floor from the cracks in the robots.

“oh… oh god…” you cover your mouth with your hands, feeling tears drip down. you inch closer to the blood, but before you could inspect the scene, something smashs against the door. the doorknob falls off and you stare, unable to move. you watch as the door slowly creaks open. your boss stands in front, staring at you. he’s gripping a knife in one hand and you notice a hammer dropping to the floor with a thud. you try to move, but knowing you could step in blood stops you. swallowing, you choke out, “blood.”

william smiles, warmly, “a means to an end… though, i did enjoy hearing them scream.” you choke out a sob, paralyzed as he steps closer to you. he stands, looking down at you, inspecting your face. he takes a hand to brush strands of hair behind your ear. his hand was cold as it grazed your face. you flinch, feeling the tip of the knife poke your stomach, and his smile widens. “so pretty…” he whispers as he leans in, close to your ear. his hand grips the back of your neck and he pulls you close to lay his head in the crook of your neck. you stand stiffly against him. “i’ve had my eyes on you for so long. cute little face, so… innocent.” you can feel his breath on your skin and your skin crawls.

you hiccup and you feel him chuckle, “what- what do you want from me?”

“what do i want from you?” he pulls away, “(y/n), i want relief.” he brushes his hair back and puts a hand on your waist, affectionately. you don’t respond, looking for a way out, and he continues, “i’ve lost so much… i need something for myself for once. these kids…” he gestures to the suits, bleeding out onto the floor. you feel your stomach drop.

“k-kids?” you feel like throwing up as you see a tiny tuft of golden hair peeking out from chica’s suit. “you- you killed these kids?” you back up, but step into blood. “oh my god…” you feel yourself gag as you feel the squish of your shoes. he comes closer to you and you’re forced to back up into the desk. william grabs your arm, tightly squeezing. you look back at him.

“at first, it was just supposed to be one… a test. but, it was just so… fun!” you see a manic grin crawl up his face. his pupils were blown wide, “hearing their screams, how easy it was to make them shut up, how satisfying it was shoving them into the suits. that was a last-minute idea by the way.” horrified, you try to move, but his hand tightens. “i mean, when i killed henry’s brat, i had just left her out there in the rain. i didn’t think to hide her somewhere, which was my mistake.” he shrugs, “but these two?” he gestures to bonnie and chica, “i planned better.” william laughs. you break down. you were going to die, just like these poor kids, alone and afraid.

“are you going to kill me too?” you whimper out as you sob. william had taken a breath, so he could continue his speech, when he heard you.

he coos as he cups your face, “oh no, sweetheart. no, no. i couldn’t kill you. i mean, if you had just not ran earlier, we’d be at home, but… plans change.” his hands drift down to your waist before it travels under your shirt. you panic, realizing what was happening.

“no no no, please, i’d rather die.” you try to shove his hand away, sobbing harder. william rolls his eyes and waves the knife in your face.

“would you really rather die? cause i can make that happen for you and ill keep your corpse warm to fuck.” he shrugs.

your eyes widen, “you’re insane.” you sob and he puts the blade to your neck.

“if you really want to die, than go for it.” he presses the blade into your neck and you hold your breath. a moment of silence passes between the two of you as he waits for you to kill yourself, before he tilts his head, lowering the knife, “that’s what i thought.” his hand moves from under your shirt to your head and yanks your hair. you yelp, and william turns you to face his desk before shoves you down to lay flat on the table. you wheeze as you hit the table and william trails the knife down your leg. you lay, afraid to move, as william tugs your pants down to your ankles. his knife traces your skin, before cutting into your underwear, and you feel him press himself against your ass. “so beautiful… i knew you’d be perfect for me.” you can hear the smile in his voice and you feel a chill of disgust go down your body. you hear him unbuckle his belt.

“please, mr. afton, i’m begging you. i won’t tell anyone, you can just let me go.” you sob as you feel his fingers slide over your slit. he hums, disappointedly, seeing how dry you are. he tosses the knife to the side and you hear it skid across the floor, before hitting an animatronic.

he ignores you, “i wanted to make this feel good for you, wanted to feel you clench around my cock, but i’m not gonna waste anymore time.”  he pulls you back using your hair and taps a finger on your lips, “open.”

“fuck y-” he shoved two fingers into your mouth before you could finish. you gag as he pulls you back against his chest, shoving his fingers deeper. you choke around his fingers and he moans. he pulls out his fingers and see them slick with your saliva. you take advantage of the new position to try and elbow william but without missing a beat, he grabs your arm and twists it against your back. he pushes you back down. you scream, pain throbbing from your shoulder to your arm. he keeps his hand pressed against you, keeping your arm held back, as he drags his fingers down your slit. his rough fingers sent tingles down your spine and you grit your teeth to hold back any sounds. you feel his fingers push into you and you choke out a moan.

“all that running and screaming just for you to be clenching around my fingers.” william pulls his fingers out and you whimper.

“you’re psychotic.” you grit out, arching your back.

he laughs, “i know.” you hear his pants hit the ground and you press your cheek against the desk, sobbing. you feel the tip of his cock rub down your slit before he pushes in. you moan, unable to hold back, and william moans with you. “you feel so good, sweetheart.” you feel a warmth spreading throughout your body as he thrusts into you, pausing for a second. his other hand rests on your hip, squeezing.

“fuck.” you choke out as he fills you, his pelvis pressing against your ass. you feel him lean forward and pull your shirt back to expose your shoulder. his lips press against your shoulder, lovingly. without thinking, you lean back into the soft kiss and hear a soft hum in your ear, before teeth pierce your skin. you scream as william bites down into your shoulder, he lets go and pulls out till the tip of his cock is still in. his hand leaves your hip to rub his thumb on the mark he left.

“you’re so good to me, (y/n)… i should’ve done this the moment i saw you.” his hand goes back to your hip and he lets go of your arm, before snapping his hips back against you. you moan, unable to hold back as he pounds into your sweet spot. you feel your toes curl as the pain of the bite and the pleasure he’s giving you starts swirling. you grip the desk as it shakes, he fucks you with no care for your pleasure, but you feel something building up inside of you. “my good, good girl…” william moans as he feels you squeezing his cock.

“feel… feel so good…” you moan as you feel the pleasure numbing your head. you feel a wave of pleasure rush through your body and you let out a silent scream, vision blacking out. william feels you gush around his cock and he pushes in once more to the hilt, before filling you full. you lay there, exhausted, feeling his cum drip out onto your thighs. you shiver as william takes a finger to scoop it and push it back into you.

“cute.” you feel a jacket cover you up and you let yourself drift off. you feel him left you into his arms and murmur into your ear, “i’ll wake you when we get home, sweet girl.”

[shittyutmv]

hey quick question to all our lovely askers out there: are we Trying to kill him?

[thesixshooter]

ooc

reminder that i don't want nsfw asks

[cabbi3]

more Clannibal because i desperately need more Clannibal content OTL

i tried to draw H with six fingers and Clarice in this outfit

[darkest-before-dawnclan]

do the kitties take questions ??

After they’re introduced in the comic, yes! Five cats will be introduced and open for questions after Week 1 :3

[ask-pakistan]

Ummm!! So i went on a little trip with my family to some mountains nearby, this June,,, and i took some pictures of the scenery i felt that were very aesthetic ! (Atleast to me, because i LOVE taking pictures of a beautiful sky) So, i felt it would be a waste to NOT share some of my favourites with you guys :D

Heres some of the scenery from Pakistan , brought to you by your very own Mun! :-

(This one is my ABSOLUTE favourite ajsnfikridhj because there was a sudden blackout when i snapped this, which makes it look like this came straight out of a horror movie! Haha)

(Mid-Drive smudge but atleast we captured the sunset!)

(and idk but i felt like having just the moon shining your path at night has a vibe of its own. I like that vibe, it's very nostalgic for me)

(Tumblr is making them look grainier ;_; oh)

[bloodtwin]

i say in my rules that i won't water puck down to make him seem weaker during RPs ....................... & then i proceed to water him down to make him seem weaker during RPs LOL.

i know it's not very fun to write with the guy who always wins bc he's good at everything (ok not everything just most things) & incredibly strong so i always feel bad abt it. i want ppl to have fun interacting with him! but like, The Point of his character is that he's stupidly powerful. i gave him a ridiculously high STR stat for a reason. literally the only thing stopping him from killing every person in the world is his big beautiful heart. and also iago. listen. i have themes & motifs for him. please can anyone hear me. listennnnnnnn

[harteofthehart-ayyy]

TAG SOMEONE ASK GAME

MAKE FRIENDS. MAKE ENEMIES. TAG SOMEONE!

—

1.) Tag someone you think is cool or admirable! Tell them why!

2.) Tag someone you think has bad opinions! Start an argument!

3.) Tag someone who you think should have a good day! Wish them well!

4.) Tag someone you want to FIGHT. Hand to hand.

5.) Tag someone you want to FIGHT. In a Pokémon battle.

6.) Tag someone you think is funny! What about them makes you laugh?

7.) Tag someone you think is underrated! Shout them out!

8.) Tag someone you want to be friends with! Alternatively, tag someone you want to be ENEMIES with!

9.) Tag someone who has cute Pokémon! Talk about them! Ask for pictures! Everyone loves cute Pokémon!

10.) Tag someone for no reason! Give them a scare!

11.) Tag someone you think is scary! Let them prove you wrong! Or, alternatively, prove you right…

12.) Tag someone you’d take with you to a deserted island if you were going to be abandoned and could only take one person! Why would you do that to them! Are you being mean?

13.) Tag someone with an Aggron! No reason. I (Harte, the guy making this ask meme) just like seeing Aggron trainers on my dash.

14.) Tag someone who you think would die first in a horror movie! Why is that?

15.) Tag someone who uses a gimmick team! Gimmick teams make the world go round!

16.) Tag someone who would have the ability Run Away if they were a Pokémon! Are they a coward, or an expert at using tactical retreats?

17.) Tag someone and start Pokémon battle discourse! All in good fun, of course!

18.) Tag someone who is just a fucking dumbass! What’s something stupid they’ve done? Was it funny?

19.) Tag someone who is a huge nerd! Ask them some kind of super specific question! Answer that, you nerd!

20.) Tag someone who has some juicy gossip! Make ‘em spill!

—

Remember to send an ask to the person you reblog this from! Keep it going! :-]

//OOC: Not all of these are positive. Keep that in mind before reblogging!

//Do not send ooc anon hate. All of the “hater” questions are because this is an in-character ask meme from Harte and he’s a hater. Sometimes it’s fun to get petty with other people as long as it’s IN-CHARACTER. If you don’t want people sending you hater numbers then just ask them not to in the tags. I personally have not experienced ooc anon hate but apparently people have and I’d like that to Not Happen. Please. Be nice ooc. Be civil ooc. 👍 Thank you.

[doctorcranes-ask]

please adopt me, I beg of you

No. I’m a wanted criminal, not a “Father for hire”

Maybe offer to pay me an insane amount of money. Then I’ll rethink it.