#OH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE PEOPLE HERE IS A FULL ON ADULT GROOMING MINORS AND THE OTHER IS A SHITHEAD 16/17 YEAR OLD

[fellhellion]

touga is NOT the same level of shitheel as akio i am throwing myself into space

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I have heard many good things about this drama and am very excited to start watching! I was hesitant because it is 73 episodes long and I'm not confident in my attention span right now, but I have decided that this is going to be a marathon and not a sprint, so I will also start other things alongside it and switch frequently.

C-drama gods, please be benevolent and let me enjoy this! 😭😭

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The music in the intro is wonderful and the art is just amazing, so full points so far!! 😊

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Aww, this cuteness!

*** Five minutes in and yeah, polygamy is hell.

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LOL, I don't know what is going on here at all and who any of these people are, but I dislike her already.

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Again, I have no clue who these people are, but he seems very spineless.

***

Sounds miserable.

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Aww, she is! So smart and cute!

Also, this maid looks familiar to me, but I can't place her.

***

Wait, what? What wife?

I thought he was the one who was marrying the eldest Sheng daughter? Or is she also going to be a second wife?

The worst part of starting a new drama is figuring out who the characters are.

***

Oh, my mistake, I just went back and checked. Yuan Wenshao is the groom. This must be his older brother. Hell names.

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LOL, he's doing what, now?

This seems to be going well.

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LMAO, how is he even allowed to do that?

Kill him, girl! Kill him immediately.

***

LMAO, Third Brother is some stupid child?

AGAIN, WHO LET HIM DO THIS?

How was he ever allowed to gamble with his sister's betrothal gifts?

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He is also familiar but I can't place him.

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WAIT. I JUST GOOGLED. YE BAIYI??? WORD OF HONOR'S YE BAIYI???

Mind completely blown 🤯🤯

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Yikes 😬😬

Also, how many wives does this magistrate even have?

So far, I've counted three?

***

LOL, the geese are saved!

Let's hope she gets some coal for her efforts now.

***

Aww, they are cute!

Also, good to know that the Magistrate also has a son that is not a complete imbecile.

***

Ugh, cute, cute, cute!

***

Yikes 😬

I mean, deserved, but he can't help that he's stupid and also a child. Where were all the fucking adults when this was going down?

[triplexdoublex]

Pornstar

Pairings: Colson x Reader

Warnings/Tags: rough sex, anal sex, face fucking, gagging, spit, spitting in mouth, slight bondange, golden showers, pissing in mouth, slapping across face, being filmed.

A/N: Shout out to Shawnie ( @heytheregreeneyes) for always letting me use her as my OC and being my best friend. Also Colson isn’t MGK in this, just a pornstar so his personality isn’t as cocky as he usually is. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the sex in this is loosely based off my fave porn star Small Hands AKA Aaron Thompson. Hope this was worth the wait. Lemme know what you think! “Open it, open it!” Your roommate and best friend Shawnie stood before you with a gift bag in hand, shaking it excitedly.

“My birthday’s not even until this weekend,” You laughed taking the bag from her. “You sure you don’t want me to wait? It’s only a few more days.”

“ No please, I’ve kept this a secret for long enough, it’s killing me! Just open it!” She exclaimed. “Plus your gonna need time to prepare.”

“Prepare?” 

“C’mom, just open it, open it, open it!!!” She was far too excited. You wondered what it could be that she was so eager to give you. But what you pulled out of the bag just left you with even more questions. 

“Thanks???” You said confused, holding up a sexy red lace bra and matching g- string that tied at hips. 

“That’s only part of it,” she assured you. “What’s your biggest wish?” She tried to clue you in.

“Ummm paying off all my student debt?” You answered still puzzled. “Did you get me a job as a stripper?” You laughed.

“Okay, maybe ‘wish’ was the wrong word to use … hmmm—oh biggest fantasy!” She corrected herself. 

“Oh to fuck my favorite porn star Huge Hands, AKA Colson Baker. You know that — wait … no, no way!”  You exclaimed as your friend started frantically nodding her head yes. “Shut up!!! What? You’re kidding. Like how?”

“Look in the bag . There’s more!” 

You reached into the bag and pulled out a pass of some kind and read it aloud. “Huge Hands/Colson Baker : Exclusive Access, Porn Star for a Day pass” 

“They were super limited, I have no clue how I managed to snag one, but I’m so happy I did! The look on your face right now is priceless!” Shawnie laughed. “It’s probably because you’re the only one I know who’s  crazy enough to actually go through with this.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say. I have no words… thank you.” You expressed your gratitude, still in shock. “I’m really about to have the best sex of my life this weekend! On my birthday yet! Have you seen his fucking cock, it’s huuuge!”

“Yes, many times,” Shawnie chuckled , entertained by how pumped you are. “Or did you forget about all the links of his umm ‘work’ you’ve sent me?” Shawnie wasn’t big on porn herself but she was always willing to take an interest in your latest obsessions, no matter what they were. That’s what you loved most about her. “Turn it over, it tells you more about what’s included on the back.”

You did as she suggested, turning the pass over to read more. “Half hour zoom call day before to privately discuss details, and needs/wants of scene; hair and make up; up to one hour of shooting time; and keepsake autographed DVD recording,” you listed off. “You know I’m gonna watch that everyday for the rest of my life, right?” 

“I’m assuming you’re gonna make me watch it at least once too, knowing you,” Shawnie laughed. 

“Yeah probably,” you laughed as well. “ I got no shame!”

*************

You’re stomach was in knots as you waited for the zoom call to begin; you’d never felt so excited and  nervous at the same time. Shawnie was there with you sitting just out of frame, when the ‘bloop’ of the call came through your computer's speakers. 

“Hi, Y/N?” Colson questioned.

“Yeah, hi. That’s me!” You did a timid little wave.

“Ok good, just wanted to make sure I got the right person before we get started here. Imagine that … Awkward!,” he laughed, and you instantly began to relax; you could tell he was going to be easy to talk to. “Well, obviously you know what I do , but I’d love to hear a little about you. Says here on your forms you’re a college student?”

“Wait, what forms?” You asked.

“The ones you filled out online with your info and kinks and things you wanted to include in our video when you purchased the Pornstar for a day package,” he answers slightly confused. 

“Ohhh, my friend bought me this for my birthday, she must have filled them out.” You responded. “She’s right here. Say hi Shawnie!”

“Hi!” She giggled leaning into frame. 

“Hello. Wow this must be some “friendship” he joked making air quotes. “Because this is a very detailed list. You gotta hear this.” He smirks. “Written in the section about what you hope to include in our scene says— and  I quote: I want Huge Hands/ Colson to absolutely destroy me. I want him to fuck my throat, my pussy and my ass. I want him to slap me around, and spit and piss in my mouth, and anything else he wants to do to me, I’m all for it.”  He choked out a laugh pulling dramatically at the collar of his shirt “Whew, I’m the pornstar here and that’s even got me blushing!”

“Oh my God, Shawnie!” You covered your beet red face.

“What!?, did I lie?” She laughed.

“I mean no, but still. Damn, to hear it out loud like that.” Your eyes bulged. 

“So it’s true then?” Colson asked slyly.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” you hid your smile behind your hand, shaking your head in embarrassed disbelief.

“Aye,  no need to be embarrassed, we’re gonna have fun tomorrow, I can tell,” he smiled. “I’m especially excited that your interested in Anal. It’s kinda my favorite. I’m assuming you’ve done it before?” 

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Do you enjoy it?” He asked.

“Tell him what your ex said!”  Shawnie blurted out. 

“Oh, boy. I gotta hear this,” he chuckled. “What’d the ex say?”

You inhaled deeply before speaking, “I do enjoy it, probably more than regular sex, if I’m being honest,” you admitted. There was no use trying to be coy now. “Uhhh he actually said I could be a pornstar since I can take a hard anal pounding so well.” 

“Nice!” He exclaimed. “Girl, after my own heart.”

“Jesus Christ, this conversation has me sweating already,” you chuckled standing up to pull your cardigan off. 

“Is that a little tattoo I saw there, peaking out of the top of your jeans?” He asked. 

“Yeah, you wanna see?” You unzipped your jeans without waiting for a response and lowered the top of your underwear just enough to show him. 

“ The Playboy bunny, huh? How fitting,” he teased.

“What can I say, it was my first tattoo,” you giggled “Seemed like that’s what everyone was getting at the time.”

“What else you got going on down there?” He lifted his head as if trying to see more. “Is that a landing strip?” He asked referring to the thin dark stripe of short curls just  barely visible above the band of your lowered underwear. “Can I see?” 

“Yeah, sure,” you lowered them further exposing yourself, your inhibition long gone at that point. “This is just how I normally like to groom. I can shave it completely if you prefer?” 

“Nah, it’s perfect,” he smiled. “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea now of what you like and what we’ll be getting ourselves into tomorrow. Do you have any questions or anything else you want me to know, before we end the call?” 

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Shawnie pretty much laid it all out on those forms,” you laughed. 

“That she did!” He produced a chuckle as well. “I meant to ask earlier, but, since she knows so much about your kinks and what not, have you two ever —“

“ No, just best friends, I tend to overshare, I guess.” 

“Yeah it amazes me sometimes, the things women  share with their friends, but yet guys are always the ones who are known to kiss and tell and brag about their conquests. Females can be just as bad, y’all just keep it on the low a little better,” he stated. “Well, I look forward to working with you tomorrow. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” You responded. “Bye.”

“Bye,”

You felt oddly comforted and at ease after the call, no longer a ball of nerves or embarrassment. He made you feel like there was no shame in enjoying the things you did. He was very professional despite the nature of the call; it didn’t feel sleezy or overly salacious; just two consenting adults having a mature conversation about their sexual desires. 

*************************

When you walked out of hair and make-up and onto set, you saw Colson waiting for you on a red leather couch. He was clad in only black dress pants; shirtless — his tattoos on full display. He smiled seductively when he saw you, beckoning you over with a pat to his thighs. You undid your silk robe they had given you and let it slip from your shoulders to the floor, revealing the red lacy set Shawnie had bought you, as you made your way over to him. You suddenly became very aware of all the cameras and other people in the room, as you sat on his lap. Somehow it has slipped your mind that they were all a part of what went into this.

“You get used to it,” he said softly , remembering the way he felt his first time in front of the cameras. “Just pretend they’re not even there— only me and you, okay?” He said brushing a finger along your thigh. “Unless, Shawnie forgot to mention you’re an exhibitionist too, then by all means enjoy them watching us fuck,” he joked, making you laugh. “Don’t forget, if you need me to stop at anytime for any reason, just give me three quick taps,” he demonstrated, tapping your thigh. “Don’t worry about the filming, they can always edit and piece things back together if needed. This is all for you and I want you to enjoy yourself. Oh and happy birthday by the way! It’s today right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“Ok, so we’ll just start the scene with some kissing and light touches, and when I feel you’re ready I’ll signal the camera man, he’ll call action, and then we'll be recording.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded your head. He had made you feel so comfortable and relaxed the last bit of nervousness you chalked up to just being slightly star struck; You never thought in a million years you’d get this opportunity.

“Ready?,” he pressed his forehead to yours, staring directly into your eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up into the most alluring devilish grin. 

“Ready,” you echoed back, biting your lip trying to suppress a needy whine. God you were always such a sucker for his killer eye contact in his films, and now you were the one his eyes were soul fucking. You’re heart pounded with excited anticipation as Colson’s face drew nearer to your own. He lightly held your chin as he pressed his lips to yours, parting them to introduce his tongue. It was a welcome greeting, cut short by the breathy “oh fuck ” that involuntarily slipped from your lips.

“”You good?” He laughed softly, a small puff of air the only thing separating your mouths; your foreheads still touching. 

“More...than good,” you spoke in a short choppy sentence trying to compose yourself. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” he smirked against your lips, continuing to kiss you. 

You melted into his kisses— slow and gentle at first,  increasing in intensity as he carried on. When he nipped at your bottom lip with a low groan, you lost all innocence, shifting positions to straddle his lap. You gripped the back of his head, as he kissed you and rolled your hips against him, demanding more. And that’s when he knew … that you were ready.  He quickly signaled to the cameraman with a thumbs up, and “Action” was called. 

His hand slipped down from your chin, settling on the highest part of your neck just under your jaw, his fingers squeezing at your pulse points on either side. Roughly he turned your head to the side with a push of his thumb and his mouth began mauling your neck with an appetite for lust, leaving blooming raspberry patches along the descending path of flesh that lead to your breasts. With one hand he expertly undid the front clasp of your red lace bra and took in the sight of you.

 “Perfect,” he whispered into your flesh with a growl, taking one breast  in each hand as he licked between them, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You slid the silky straps of your lingerie over your shoulders, letting it fall, as he took turns going back and forth between each breast treating each of your nipples to light suction and a pleasurable nibble. You let out a moan at his actions and again rolled your hips in his lap, pressing yourself against the hardening bulge inside his dress pants. “Needy are we?” He teased swiftly  spinning you around so your back was to his chest. He dug his chin into your shoulder peering over it as he snatched up the crotch of your panties roughly, tugging the material up between your lips . You canted your hips up chasing after the friction of the coarse fabric against your clit. “You like that, huh?” He pulled them harsher. 

“Mmmm, yes” you squeaked out, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” he growled nipping at your neck. “Look at this pretty pussy,” he shoved the material to the side exposing you, letting his fingers explore your folds as he pleased. “You want my cock right in here huh?” His voice was so gravelly and low as he slipped a finger inside you, only to quickly pull it back out, teasing you. “Taste yourself,” he brought the finger to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around it, as he slid it further into your mouth, his long fingers slipping down the back of your throat. “Oh, god, yes!” He exclaimed impressed by how you didn’t even gag. “Tell ya what—“ he paused to add a second finger to your mouth, continuing to talk as you sucked “If you can suck my dick as good as that—“   he then pulled them back out of your mouth. “I might just have to fuck you right in here too,” he shoved his spit slicked fingers into your ass.

“Yes, fuck, please!” You whined, wiggling your hips, wanting his fingers deeper.  

“You like that? Huh. You dirty little anal whore!” He grabbed your neck with his free hand, keeping you pinned back against him, the fingers of his other hand still moving inside you.

“Yes, yes! I am,” you strained to speak. “Please, please fuck my ass!” You whined impatiently with pleasure. You never heard yourself sound so needy and desperate in your life.

“You sound you pretty when you beg, but you're gonna have to earn it first,” he demanded pulling out his fingers,  leaving you feeling empty. Quickly, you dropped to your knees in front of the couch as Colson got up standing before you. You waited impatiently while Colson unbuckled his belt above you. Once undone he yanked the belt free from the loops with a satisfying ‘whoosh’ that made you pulse between your thighs. You desperately clawed his pants and boxers  down his legs like a feral cat in heat as Colson brought the tip to your mouth, still holding onto his belt in the other. “Open!,” he demanded. “Goooood,” he growled in praise as you did what you were told. You reached up to grab it but ,“no hands!” he smacked them away, and then secured them behind your back with his belt. “Let’s try this again, open!” He spoke harshly. You obliged, opening wide. “Tongue” he barked.  You let it hang from your mouth with anticipation; eager breaths rolling down it like a panting dog eyeing a steak. He teased you, slapping his cock against your tongue before shoving it fully into your mouth. Your eyes prickled with tears as you fought your gag reflex, taking him down your throat. He held your head in place with one hand , the tip of your nose pressed flush against the coarse hair of his pelvis, as he hunched his body forward over yours untying the sides of your G-string. It slipped from your body leaving you completely nude. Colson smacked your ass, then gripped it harshly, making it jiggle for him before finally standing straight up and pulling his hips back to let you come up for air. 

“Huuuuuuhhhh,” you inhaled sharply gasping for breath, letting oxygen penetrate deep into your lungs before Colson stuffed your mouth again. Mascara ran down your hollowed out cheeks as you sucked. You started pulling back out of instinct when you began to gag but Colson held you in place. 

“No, keep it in your mouth,” he instructed condescendingly, looking down at you. “Just a little longer” he promised. You tried your best, Colson letting out a throaty moan every time your raw, used throat constricted around him as he fucked into it. “Mmmgghh,” he groaned, pulling out of your mouth “Goooood girl,” he praised with a smirk, before bending down to give you a sloppy kiss, swapping mouthfuls of saliva. Just as he pulled away he let a long string of collected spit slip from his pursed lips and into your open mouth, where you eagerly accepted it, moaning as you swallowed it down. 

 You let out a breathy “awhhh” as you opened your mouth again, wiggling your tongue enticingly. 

“Such a dirty, fucking whore,” he bent down again and spat directly in your face. He smeared it all over your face with his hand before grabbing you by the neck, pulling you to your feet. “Turn around,” he ordered. You did as he said and Colson undid his belt from around your wrists. Before you even had a chance to soothe your sore wrists with a rub, Colson spun you around and pushed you down onto your back on the couch, your ass teetering on the edge of the red leather cushion. “Spread yourself for me,” he instructed, as he pumped himself. Again you did as you were told; you pulled your legs up, wrapping an arm around each thigh, holding them back as you parted your opening with your fingers.  “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He teased the head of his cock through the glistening mess on display for him. 

“Fuck me,” you said in an inpatient huff, staring into his eyes. 

“Awhhh, yessss,” he groaned out, slack jawed as he sank into you

“Ohhh, shit,” you screamed out , face twisted in pleasure, your eyes slipping shut, at the feeling of him burying himself deep in your cunt.

“Open your eyes. Look at me!” He spoke harshly, cupping your face in his hands as he thrust. You opened your eyes, trying to focus on his, but your vision was  spotted by the intensity of it all. “Feel good?” He pressed his forehead to yours just as he’d done earlier , starring directly into the windows to your soul as he fucked you. You nodded the best you could, but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words, I want words. Say yes!”

“Yes.. yes,” you responded breathily, biting at your lip.

“Yeah, Mmmghhh, that’s it. Fuck, I like it when you use your words”  he moaned , shifting himself to be more upright. He then spit on the tips of his fingers and brought them to your clit and began rubbing it furiously, his cock still destroying you.

“OH Fuck!” You cried out, wiggling and bucking your hips. 

“You gonna fucking stay still? He roughly grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks. You nodded your head, trying your best to calm your body’s erratic, pleasure driven movements as he thrust. “Words!” He spat, his hand letting go of your face only to connect it to your cheek again with a quick, yet harsh slap.

“Shit! ...Yes!” You corrected yourself once again, Your body was  loving how aggressive he was getting the longer he fucked you and he could tell;  spitting at and striking your face again.

“Turn over!”  He ordered, abruptly pulling out. “Hands on the back of the couch.” He roughly assisted you in turning around , and you placed your hands where instructed. You arched your back and pushed your ass out waiting for him to re enter you from the new position. “This is where you really want it, huh?” He teased his cock over your asshole. 

“Yes!,” you remembered to use your words this time.

“You’re a dirty little fucking anal whore, aren’t you? He asked, he question sounding a lot more like a statement. “Let me hear you said it.” He applied pressure to your hole with the tip, as he yanked back a fist full of your hair.

“I’m a dirty little fucking anal whore!,” you repeated desperately pushing back against him.

“Mmmghh!, That you are!” He confirmed with a groan, snapping hips hips forward, quickly entering you. 

“Uhhhhh, Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the feeling. You never fully understood why you enjoyed anal as much as you did, perhaps it was the pleasurable fullness, the taboo aspect, the fact that you were one of the few woman who were into it, or the way so many men were obsessed with it , and the look on their face when they found out you were more than willing to take it up the ass, but you absolutely loved it, and this time was no different. Every jack hammered thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, especially when Colson reached around to between your legs adding the friction of his fingers to your clit. The sensation of your ass being stuffed combined with his  touch was the perfect recipe for orgasm and you felt it building every time his cock slid in and out. 

“Yeah, cum for me,” he could feel you tightening around him. His words perfectly in sync with the  jolt of pleasure boiling over in your abdomen and ripping through you with vast intensity. A series of explitives and sounds you’ve never heard yourself make, flew from you lips as your body went boneless under Colson. He quickly pulled out, turned you back over and came across your face with a few pumps of his hand. He collapsed to the side of you briefly, before tugging you off the couch and onto your knees. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he spoke out of breath taking his softening dick in his hand. Your eyes lit up, you knew what he was referring too— the only thing on your list of wants he hadn’t included yet. “Say ahhh!”

“Ahhh,” you echoed the request, letting his golden stream fill your mouth, splash off your tongue and dribble down your chin and body. You giggled, piss spilling from your smile as you looked up at him, all your fantasies now fulfilled. 

“Annnd cut!” Called the director. A few stage hands scrambled to bring you both a towel and small refreshments. “Almost done, just gonna get you guys a little cleaned up, rehydrated, let you catch your breath a bit, and then film the little quick, post scene interview. 

“Ok,” you both answered.

Colson tossed his towel over his shoulders and reached out his hand to you “You, good?” He asked with a faint laugh , watching your hand shake as you drank your water.

“Yeah,” you answered letting him pull you up onto the couch. 

“You were amazing,” he said, rubbing your back. He knew the come down from the adrenal rush of scenes could be taxing, especially from rough ones . “You —“

“Ready,” the director interrupted, cutting him short, and immediately pressing record. “So how was it?” the director focused the camera on you first. 

“Oh my god.. mind blowing,” you answered , still out of breath, adjusting your towel. 

“And you?” The director turned the camera to Colson.

“ Absolutely amazing. She was a natural. I’d love to work with her again.”

[itstheoneshot]

Forbidden

request

Summary: It’s the night of your mother’s wedding, you’re overwhelmed and anxious because you haven’t seen her in at least a year. You’re relieved though, on arrival as you see someone you know, but that relief doesn’t last for long.

Word Count: 2.6k

Pairing: Sehun x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Alcohol Consumption, Drunk Sex, Oral, Unprotected Sex.

————————————————————————

You step out into the street, waving down the taxi that you had booked. You’re in your nicest dress, pale pink, floor length with a slit up the thigh, your heels match in colour too. Your hair is done, and your makeup, both professionally, you know how elegant you look, however you would do anything if it meant you didn’t have to go to where you are going.

Seated in the back of the cab, you give the address of the venue to the driver, and you stare out the window, attempting to calm your nerves. It has been over a year since you have spoken to your mother, and even longer since you saw her last, apart from when she contacted you three weeks ago, inviting you to, and then begging you to attend her wedding.

You had reluctantly agreed, after hearing her wails over the phone, but each day since then you have regretted saying yes. You don’t speak to any family on your mother’s side, nor do you want to, so your plan is to sit in the back row unnoticed, and to then bail as soon as possible after the ceremony.

As you watch the streets pass by, the sun begins to set, you know you’re getting close to the wedding hall, and your nerves grow stronger every second. On arrival, you pay the driver before stepping out into the warm summer’s night. You straighten out the creases in your dress from sitting for so long, and adjust your handbag on your shoulder before making tentative steps toward the building.

You see people are already seated inside, so you rush in to sit in the back row, far corner, avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the room. The hall is packed, and you can hear old familiar voices, none of which you want to speak to, aunts and uncles, cousins and the like, you keep your head down and wait for the wedding to start.

———

“Is this seat taken?”

You lift your head, to view the face behind yet another familiar voice. This one though, is not one that rises anxiety in you, but instead brings over a wash of calm, a voice sultry, smooth, and one that has your heart fluttering every time you hear it.

“Sehun? What are you doing here?!” You ask, gesturing for him to take the empty spot.

“I didn’t really want to come.” He says, smiling at you as he sits down.

God, he looks so good in a suit, you can’t hide your staring. Though you notice the way he looks at you too, admiring you from head to toe. You are friends, you’ve known each other for about a year, maybe more, and the crush you’ve developed towards him is almost unbearable now, only exacerbated by how handsome he looks when he is dressed up.

“Me either.” You reply.

Before you get another word in, the wedding music starts and you stand up, just as everyone else around you does. You watch the groom as he enters, and you can’t help but feel that his face looks somewhat familiar. Though you don’t get a chance to think about it for long, as you watch your mother walk in, she doesn’t see you, her eyes are fixated on the man at the other end of the aisle, her soon-to-be husband.

You listen as the celebrant runs through the vows, and it takes you a moment to register what you hear, as the celebrant asks your mother if she will take the man to be her husband, his family name, sounds familiar, too familiar. You glance between the man next to you, and the man that your mother is marrying, and it finally clicks.

Oh.

Sehun turns to you, with a puzzled look on his face, as he comes to the same realisation as you. Your mother, is marrying his father, meaning that the two of you are now... step-siblings. You sigh, as does he, surely both feeling the same thing, conflicted, confused, but still so mesmerised by him in that stupid fucking suit, god he’s so handsome.

“This is crazy.” He says.

“You’re telling me, I haven’t seen my mother for so long, and now she’s married your dad?” You reply.

Sehun chuckles, the sentiment the same from him, not seeing his father often, he had no idea who his father’s new wife would be either.

“I just want a drink.” Sehun says.

You nod, and once the ceremony is over, you follow as Sehun stands. The pair of you follow behind the other guests as they leave, and walk together to the reception hall attached to the building the ceremony was held in. You breathe a sigh of relief that it is not a sit-down reception, instead an open bar, with servers walking around to hand out appetisers and refill glasses of champagne.

You rush to the bar, each taking a glass, and sarcastically clinking them together, to celebrate, your parents marrying, and you becoming... related.

It’s only by law though, right?

———

The hours have passed by, and you’ve lost count now of the number of drinks you’ve consumed. Both yourself, and Sehun, are nowhere near sober, having tucked yourself away in the corner of the bar, you’ve avoided your parents for the majority of the night, apart from a quick, uncomfortable hello, not long after the reception started.

As the night goes on, your inhibitions begin to falter, Sehun is the same. Your hand rests on his, and the pair of you leave hardly any room between you at all. Your frustration grows, it’s not fair that your mother married his father, when you’ve crushed on Sehun for just as long.

“I need some air.” You say.

Sehun hums in agreement, he stands up and holds out his arm for you to take, which you graciously do. You walk out together, finding a quiet place to sit, the light summer breeze blows through your hair, as the world spins just a little from the alcohol you have consumed.

“This sucks.” Sehun sighs.

“What does?” You ask.

You turn to face Sehun, as he rests his hand on your thigh. The contact sends a shiver up your spine, your focus on only him.

“You’re like... my sister now.” He says.

You laugh at this, though the thought has crossed your mind too, but you’re both adults, who have barely anything to do with your now-married parents anyway, it doesn’t really change all that much, does it?

“Step.” You counter.

“Still... not fair.” Sehun replies.

“What’s not fair, Sehun?” You ask him.

“You’re just... I want to kiss you.” He says.

You gasp, although part of you could tell he was into you, you still can’t believe it as he says it out loud. Though now you’re both, well, not sober, it seems you’re less afraid to speak your mind, as you open your mouth to reply.

“Let’s go back to mine, then.”

Sehun leans forward, closing the gap between you to press his lips to yours in a soft kiss, and it takes every bit of strength you have, to stop yourself from jumping him right there.

“I’d love to. I’ll call a cab.” He replies.

———

Neither of you rejoin the party, or say goodbye to your parents, and the cab arrives quickly to take you home. You both sit in the back of the cab, Sehun’s hand rests on your thigh, slowly making its way onto your bare skin, as he finds the slit in the dress all too enticing. The ride doesn’t take as long as it did to get to the wedding, the night has left the roads quiet, and as you arrive at your apartment, Sehun insists that he pays for the taxi, despite your protests.

He takes your hand and you lead him to your door, each step closer has you realising that this is actually going to happen, you’re going to kiss, and probably more, the man who you’ve been falling for, for so long, the man who is now also, your step brother.

You’re swift with your keys, unlocking the door and gesturing him inside, before closing and locking it again once you have entered. You kneel down to take off your shoes, and take a moment to rub your aching feet, wearing high heels is tiring, you’re relieved to take them off.

“I want to kiss you again.” Sehun says, interrupting you from your dazed state.

He holds his hand out to help you up, and as you take it, he pulls you into him. This time neither of you hold back, he is rough, demanding, he bites your bottom lip so you grant him access to taste you, his tongue fights for dominance with yours, while he moves one hand to cup your ass, and the other to hold your nape.

“Fuck, Sehunnie...” You whine.

“Where’s your bedroom?” He asks.

He really doesn’t want to waste any time, but neither do you, you’re both so frustrated, by having to see estranged-family, and by how badly you want each other, and have wanted each other, for such a long time.

You pull back from the kiss, and turn to take him down the hallway to your room. He rests his hands on your waist as he walks behind you, but soon snakes them up your front, to take your breasts in his hands, palming them through the material.

Your bedroom door is open, and you step inside only to have Sehun turn you to face him again. He kisses you, as he steps you backwards towards your bed, but he stops just before he reaches the mattress.

“Pretty girl, let’s take this off first, huh?” He murmurs.

You let him undress you, turning you around to unzip your dress from the back, before carefully sliding the fabric down over your shoulders, and letting it pool at your feet. He kisses you once more, unclasping and removing your bra at the same time as you unbutton his shirt, removing both that and his jacket simultaneously. You trace your nails down his sculpted chest and abs, until you reach the waistband of his pants, fumbling desperately to unbutton them so you can remove them, too.

“So fucking pretty...” He breathes.

You’re both left in nothing but underwear, as Sehun now grabs you under the thighs to lift you up, before laying you flat on the mattress. You wrap your legs around his hips as your kisses deepen, and he instinctively grinds into you as his cock stands at full attention.

He kisses along your jawline, your ear, and down your neck, leaving tiny marks in his wake as he kisses across your chest, teasing both your nipples as he takes your breasts into his mouth. He kisses down your stomach, and along your hips, until he settles comfortably between your thighs, staring up at you hungrily.

“Ass up, baby.” He instructs you.

You obediently follow, as he slides your panties down your legs, throwing them carelessly into the pile of clothes you’d both left on the floor, and he then kisses up the insides of your thighs until he is exactly where he wants to be.

He savours your taste, as he runs his tongue across your core, before settling at your clit. He sighs in content as your hips buck, the immediate rush of pleasure almost enough to take you out. Your fingers knot in his hair, tight enough to make him wince and pull away from you for a moment.

“You taste so sweet...” He sighs, before diving back in to taste you again.

“Sehun... I—“ You whine.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks, looking up at you again.

You blush at the pet name, and then you moan as he takes two fingers, inserting them into your wet, still tight, working you up.

“I want you...” You say.

“I’m gonna make you cum first, and then you’ll get me, okay?” He replies.

You feel your core tighten as Sehun connects his tongue to your clit again, he teases you between his teeth, his slender fingers now thrusting into you at the perfect angle, you’re regretting not making a move on Sehun earlier, this is just so fucking perfect. Though, the alcohol, and the weird, kind-of kinkiness about him being your step-brother, only makes this hotter, somehow.

“Let go, baby...” He soothes you.

You don’t hold back, as Sehun works you, you let the knot unravel, and lose yourself on Sehun’s fingers and tongue. Your body tightens before release, and Sehun hums into you, lavishing in having control over your body the way that he does right now.

“Good girl...” He breathes, as you descend from your peak, he pulls back and kisses up your stomach to your lips again.

“Fuck me, Hunnie...” You whine, tugging at his underwear.

He chuckles, at your desperation, despite just releasing, you need more, so much more, and his thick, hard length, evident through the thin material of his boxers, is exactly what you need. He pulls his underwear down, and spits into his hand to slick himself up.

“Hurry...” You complain.

“Needy, huh?” He teases you.

“Mhmm...” You reply.

You maintain eye contact with him as you reach down to toy with your clit, needing stimulation, once wasn’t enough, and Sehun is taking too long, at least in your eyes.

“Oh you really are needy, aren’t you, slut?” He asks.

“Y-yes... Oppa...” You gasp, just as he lines himself up, bottoming out inside you on his first thrust.

Sehun moans at the feeling of your tight walls around him, warm, wet, desperate, you lift your hips up to meet his at every thrust, despite the tightness and ache in the stretch, fuck it feels so good to be filled by him. He starts rough, seemingly needing this just as badly as you had, taking his frustration out on you in the form of a hard fuck.

He pulls out, and ignores your protests as he flips you over on to your stomach. He grabs you under your hips, positioning you to give him access to thrust in once more. He grabs a fistful of your hair, and pulls you up so that your back is against him. This position sends a whole other kind of pleasure through you, and you can already feel your second high as it begins to build.

“I’m not gonna last long, baby. Feels too fucking good, shit...” Sehun says

“I’m close too, Hunnie.” You reply.

Sehun teases your clit with his fingers, as his thrusting begins to stagger, you gain closer on your peak, and begin to unravel just as Sehun’s breathing syncs with yours, and you both release. You’re a mess of moans, as Sehun turns your head to clumsily kiss you as he fills you up. You’re over-sensitive now after orgasming twice, and your body twitches as Sehun pulls out of you.

You roll onto your side to face Sehun as he lies flat on his back, he turns his head to look at you. He reaches out to cup your cheek, kissing you gently before whispering.

“Let’s not tell our parents.”

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch 4: Skating The Issue

Chapter Summary: It’s Fliss’ turn to host Frank and Mary and both adults seem to be skating round a particular issue…

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words.

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 3

"Hey Cowgirl, how do you cook a skate?"

Fliss had to read the message twice "I'm assuming you’re talking about the fish..."

"No an ice skate..." the sarcasm dripped of his reply and she could just imagine him rolling his eyes.

"Where the fuck did u get an ice skate in South Pass?" she giggled to herself as she typed her response.

"R u deliberately being an ass?"

"Why did u get a skate when u don’t know how to cook one?"

"I don't know how to cook a lot of things. And there was a guy at the harbour giving them away. Extra catch he said. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth etc…"

Fliss pondered something for a moment before she leaned back in her chair and continued the conversation "Well why don't u bring them round tonight and I'll do them. I still haven't cooked for you after the BBQ the other week"

"Don’t worry, I haven't taken it to heart that every time we've tried to arrange it you've cancelled"

"Piss off!" She laughed to herself as she replied  "It’s this weather man, it's so hot... not my fault I've had to rejig all my lessons and exercise my own horses at 9pm... you've been busy too don't forget!"

"Busy time of year for Sailing, what can I say? As it happens I can do tonight but I'll have Mary. Is that ok?"

"No, Frank I expect you to leave her at home on her own... "

“Trust me if I could I would, she’s driving me insane at the moment.”

“Why?” Fliss frowned slightly as she hit send. Whilst she hadn’t really seen Frank other than the previous week for Mary’s riding lesson they talked often by text and he hadn’t mentioned she was playing up. And then she suddenly realised. It was the last Saturday of the Summer holidays. Mary started school on Monday. And she had already made her feelings about that very clear to Fliss, several times.

“I’ll explain later. What time?”

Fliss checked her watch. It was 4pm.

"Say 6 ish? I'll send you the post...I mean zip code...why the fuck do you lot call it a zip code anyway?"

"Stands for Zone Improvement Plan"

"That makes no sense"

"Course it does. Zip, its fast, as in the mail travels more efficiently, and more quickly when people use it"

"And you wonder why Mary is such a smart ass!"

"Whatever, see you at 6."

"Bye Sailor."

Standing up she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her riding breeches and headed out onto the main yard. It was empty. The weather had been scorching recently, so hot she had been forced to cancel a lot of lessons and offer something different to her students. She had been taking the younger kids on trail rides through the grounds that surrounded her yard and onto the waterside and then taught them basic horse care and grooming routines, whilst the older clients who wanted to continue their training had moved their sessions to earlier or later in the day. That said, she had no one left to teach today and she was giving her own 3 a rest so it was a case of making sure waters in the fields were topped up ready for evening turn out.

Thor was flopped in the shade of one of the stables, flat on his side. He cracked an eye open as she passed and his tail lazily thumped on the floor. “Oh boy…I know it’s hot…” she said with a chuckle, bending over to give him a scratch before she stood up and he did the same, trotting obediently at her heels as she headed through the gate and down the dirt tracks which led to the turn out paddock. Joanne, Ruby and Ellis her head groom and stable hands were busy with the water truck topping up the troughs in the bottom field.

“Hey guys.” she smiled “All ok?”

“Yeah,” Joanne nodded “We’ve topped all the others up, this is the last one.”  

“Great, ok well let’s get them fed and then we can get them turned out and have an early finish.” Fliss smiled. “Ruby, Ellis, keep an eye on the water.”

The girl and boy nodded and then Fliss and Joanne headed back towards the yard.

“So, you doing anything tonight?” Joanne asked.

“Oh, erm, Mary and Frank are coming over for dinner.” Fliss said

“As in Mary and Frank Adler?” Joanne looked at Fliss.“God he is dreamy. Total fuck boy though.”

Fliss laughed, “So you told me. He’s a nice guy though, I enjoy talking to him.”

“Talking?” Joanne deadpanned “Seriously, you’ve got a sure thing there and you’re talking?”

Fliss snorted “Trust me I’m not looking for anything else, certainly not at the moment.”

“Yeah well, you never find anything when you’re looking for it do you?” Joanne said lightly as they walked into the feed store. “It’s always when you’re not that you come across it.”

Fliss looked at her for a moment. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t attracted to Frank, she’d have to be blind not to be. But she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t feel ready for a relationship just yet and it would have to take someone very special to change her mind. With a sigh she jerked her head in the direction of the containers which held the horse feed.

“Start scooping that lot out.”

Joanne did as she was told and a little over an hour later everything was turned out, fed and she made sure the staff knew who was on duty in the morning. With that she dismissed them early and set off to the store grabbing the ingredients she needed.

***** “Woah!” Mary said as Frank pulled up outside the gates “Does Fliss live here?”

“According to the directions…” Frank raised his eyebrows. He pulled out his phone and gave her a call.

“Hi, you at the gates?” she asked.

“I think so…”

“Ok hang on…” she instructed and Frank waited. A few seconds later the iron gates swung inwards. “Drive past the main house on your right and keep coming until the drive bends round. The annex is to the left behind the garage. Door’s open, just come on in.”

Frank took a deep breath and headed through the gate. Mary was looking out of the window at the large villa style house as they passed, her mouth hanging open. Bill emerged from the double garage to the left and Frank smiled at him, halting the truck.

“Alright lad?” Bill said, leaning on the top of the truck, talking through the open window. “Hey kid.”

“Hi Mr Gallagher.” Mary beamed. “We’re off to Fliss’ for dinner.”

“It’s Bill, Mary, my dad was Mr Gallagher. And you’re a lucky girl, Fliss’ cooking is superb!”

“Anything is better than Frank’s.” she informed him and Frank rolled his eyes.

“Mine too. I burn water.” Bill chuckled.

“You can’t do that.” Mary frowned, “It just evaporates.”

“It’s a figure of speech Mary, you know, a joke…” Frank looked at her shaking his head as Bill laughed.

“Well I’ll let you go.” he smiled, “Straight down the drive. Have a good evening.”

He straightened up and whistled, calling a small terrier to his heels before he headed over to a gate at the side. As he opened it, Frank just caught a glimpse of a spacious back yard and a pool before the gate snapped closed. Setting the truck forward again, he followed the drive and it turned left just before the fence, opening up into a space behind the garage where the small annex was set. It was a little detached, 2 storey building that was a similar style to the villa with a wooden door and a large bay window. The door was open and as Frank climbed out of the truck, the wrapped paper package of skate in his hand, Thor came bounding outside barking excitedly.

“Hey boy.” he said, giving the dog a pat before Thor turned his attention to Mary.

“Found it ok then?”

Frank looked up to see Fliss in the doorway. She was dressed in a pair of denim shorts that finished halfway up her toned thighs and a tight grey T-shirt which was distressed around the sleeves. Her hair was fastened back in a loose braid and she was barefoot. Frank felt a certain, and very unwelcome, pooling of arousal in the base of his stomach. Swallowing slightly he composed himself and smiled at her.

“Nice place.”

“Well the rents got a fair whack when they sold up in the UK so…” she shrugged “Sadly it’s not mine!”

He smiled, “This doesn’t look so bad.”

“Suits me, for the time being anyway until I can get my own place.” she smiled “We’re in the middle of re-decorating it so there’s stuff all over the dining room. We’ll eat outside if that’s ok?”

“Sure.” Frank smiled.

Fliss gave a sharp whistle and Thor immediately headed back towards her and into the house as Mary followed, pausing to give Fliss a hug. She led them inside and Frank looked around, the small porch area led into a square living room with a wooden floor which sported a large, light blue fluffy rug and a coffee table in the middle. There was a grey and black L-shaped sofa which ran along one wall and jutted out slightly around the edge of the coffee table and a huge flat screen TV and entertainment system nestled in the other corner which was surrounded by a huge rack of DVDs. On the wall above the sofa was a large framed photograph of Fliss with a chestnut horse, giving it a kiss on the nose, smiling as she did so, sunglasses covering her eyes. There were various other family shots in frames on other walls too. Taking it all in, Frank followed Fliss through an archway into the tiled dining room, which held a table against one wall and a display cabinet against the other which was full of trophies and rosettes. The walls were stripped bare and just as Fliss said there was a pile of decorating equipment sat in the corner. To the right a staircase headed upstairs and in front of them were double butler doors which led into the small country style kitchen. The rear doors were open onto a small flagged yard which sported a decking area upon which sat a table and some chairs. Various pot plants were scattered around the yard area and there was a wicker sofa and chair set with a smaller table and a hot tub nestled into the corner of the fence and the wall, under the kitchen windows.

“This is an annex?” Frank deadpanned looking around. Fliss turned to him, blushing slightly.

“I know, I’m very lucky.” she shrugged. “It’s as good as having my own place.”

“It’s really cool” Mary hummed “Can I go outside?”

“Knock yourself out.” Fliss said as Mary disappeared into the yard, Thor following. “So, where’s this fish?”

Frank dropped the package onto the side and Fliss peeled the paper open.

“Oooh they look great!” She grinned. “So I’m gonna pan fry them with some lemon, garlic and then I’ve done some potatoes and salad…nothing fancy but…”

“Sounds good.” Frank nodded.

“Is there anything Mary doesn’t like?”

“Tomatoes.” Frank said “I mean if they’re in a sauce of pasta she’s fine but…”

“Devil veg.” Fliss wrinkled her nose.

“Actually they’re a fruit.” Frank teased as she looked at him.

“You ever seen a tomato in a fruit salad?” she shot back, reaching around him to open the large fridge.

He laughed and moved out of her way “That’s exactly the reply Mary gives me.”

“Like I said, smart kid.” Fliss grabbed two beers before bumping the fridge door shut with her hip. She opened a drawer and grabbed a bottle opener, flipping off the cap before handing one to Frank.

“Thanks. So, is there anything I can do to help or…”

“No, everything’s done bar the fish so…” she shook her head “Stand and watch Sailor, you might learn something.”

He stood leaning against the counter as she worked, settling into comfortable chat, watching as she cleaned, skinned and filleted the fish before squeezing fresh lemon over it and tossing it into a hot pan with a few cloves of garlic.

“It doesn’t take long” she said, “Do you wanna grab me a few plates?”

“Sure.” he nodded, “err…”

“Cupboard behind you, to the right.” she said over her shoulder as she pulled a salad out of the fridge and drizzled it lightly with a mixture of balsamic, oil and lemon. She did the same with the cold potatoes before she turned the heat off the stove and divided the fish up into 2 larger pieces and a smaller one for Mary.

She gently slid the slices onto the plates and then she nodded. “All done.”

“Well that looked easy.” Frank said

“You can try it yourself next time.” she looked at him, handing him the two bowls “Can you take those out the table?”

He picked them up easily and carried them outside, Mary instantly scrambling up from where she had been sat on the outside sofa with Thor and following him.

Fliss walked out with the plates which contained the fish and they all settled down, Frank placing some potatoes and salad onto Mary’s plate before doing the same for Fliss as she headed back inside for 2 more beers and an apple juice for Mary.

“This is really good!” the seven year old enthused.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful.” Frank looked at her and she gave him a filthy scowl which made Fliss laugh.

“She looks a bit like you when she does that.”

“I do not.” Mary replied indignantly.

Fliss merely smiled as she stabbed another potato and popped it into her mouth “Whatever you say.”

Mary shot her another look which earned her one back from Frank. She met his eyes with her own and gave a shrug, diving back into her food.

“Fred would like this.” she said, looking at her fish.

“Good job because I saved him the scraps.” Fliss said.

“Did you?” Mary looked at her, smiling. Fliss nodded.

Frank watched the easy exchange between the two, smiling softly. Mary had been in a foul mood all afternoon after he had taken her shopping for a few outfits for School. She had been kicking off about the fact she had to go on Monday, but he was sticking to his decision. She needed to go, be a kid, have a normal life.

“You alright?” Fliss looked at him and he nodded

“Yeah, just thinking that’s all.” he said, “Nothing serious.”

Fliss accepted his answer, even though she didn’t believe him and she changed the subject, telling Mary about a few of the things she had planned for her next riding lesson which wasn’t for another 10 days seeing as she had been for one the Saturday before.

“Can I come this Saturday?” she pleaded.

“Mary…” Frank sighed “We discussed this, once a fortnight…”

Mary scowled again and Frank let out a groan.

“Well, if it’s okay with Frank you could come up later in the day and help me with my three.” Fliss said, looking at him. “You can help Joanne with the poles on the jumps and the feeds.”

“Oh, please Frank can I?”

Frank looked at Mary then to Fliss “You sure?”

Fliss nodded “Course”

“Alright.” Frank nodded “But one more tantrum about school between then and now and you’re not going understood?”

Mary pouted a little, clearly considering this bargain before she sighed “Okay.”

When they had finished eating Frank helped Fliss clear down the table. She told him to drop the dished into the sink whilst she placed the left over salad into tubs and back in the fridge.

“So School still a sore subject?” She queried.

“Oh fuck me…” Frank sighed “Sore?” he rubbed at his temple “Monday is gonna be a nightmare.”

“She’ll get used to it.” Fliss said “She’s bound to feel a little put out a first but she’ll settle.”

“I just hope I’m doing the right thing” Frank let out a deep breath.

“You can’t do anything but your best, Frank. That’s all any of us can do.”

“Yeah, suppose.” he shrugged. “Anyway, enough about that…been meaning to ask, how’s it been with shuffling all the lessons around?”

“We’ve managed.” Fliss shrugged, heading back outside “takings are down but…well, you always get peaks and troughs.”

“Tell me about it. Boat work slows up a lot November through January.” Frank shrugged.

“You should branch out into tractor fixing.” Fliss said, settling onto the sofa next to Mary who was busy flicking through a book she had brought. Fliss glanced down and grinned “Moby Dick?”

“Yeah…” Mary looked at her “You read it?”

“A while back. I used to read a lot.”

“What’s your favourite book?” Mary asked.

“Honestly?” Fliss smiled “It’s Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.”

“Isn’t that for kids?”

“Mary…” Frank groaned “You are a kid.”

“Fliss isn’t” Mary shot back.

“No but I was when those books were released. The first one came out in 1997, I was only 13. I grew up reading them.”

Mary contemplated this. “And they’re good?”

“Yeah.” Fliss smiled “I love Harry Potter. That’s what this is…”

She pointed to the tattoo which circled her left ankle Frank glanced down at the writing, which curved around and then formed into the outline of a stag’s head on her Achilles tendon. It was quite a delicate design. Mary studied it carefully.

“Expecto Patronum…” she said, reading it out “What does that mean?”

“It’s a spell.” Fliss told her, “So in one of the books Harry has to cast it to protect himself from these creatures…and his Patonus, the thing the spell conjures, takes the form of a stag. The writing, see…” Fliss traced it with her finger “That’s the author, JK Rowling’s handwriting. I had it done a year ago, kind of a reminder to me that no matter how bad things get there’s always a way to make it better.”

Mary nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll read them then.”

“Do you want to borrow the first one?” Fliss asked “And then once you’ve done maybe one night we can watch the movie.”

“Please.” Mary nodded.

Fliss stood up and nodded for Mary to follow so she did. “be right back.”

Frank waved them away and Fliss led Mary upstairs into the spare room. It was still full of boxes, some which littered the bottom of the bunk beds. She dug into a box, found the book, and handed it to Mary. Mary took it gently and examined the cover.

“Thank you. I’ll take good care of it I promise.” Mary nodded “Can I see your bedroom?”

Fliss laughed and nodded “Sure.”  she led her across the hall into the larger bedroom and let Mary walk in and look round at the airy room, glancing at the bed which was made and adorned with a light blue and yellow bed spread and a few cushions.

“It’s tidier than Franks.” Mary mused and Fliss laughed.

“I’m a girl.” she shrugged. “We’re always tidier than men.”

“Is that you?” Mary asked, striding over to a photo that was on the bedside table.

Fliss nodded as Mary looked at the frame, which contained a shot of her and her parents with her brother.

“That’s my brother Steeb…I mean Steve.”

“Steeb?” Mary looked up.

“When I was a little girl I couldn’t pronounce his name properly.” Fliss explained “I called him Steeb, or Steeby…it just kinda stuck.”

Mary gave a snort of laughter as she placed the frame down and Fliss waited until she finished looking around before she headed for the door. They made their way back down the stairs and outside, where Frank was looking at something on his phone. He looked up at them as they walked back through the bi-folding doors.

“Did you say thanks?”

“She did.” Fliss nodded.

“Good.” Frank nodded. He took a sigh and looked at Fliss “I don’t wanna rush out but it is getting kinda late and someone will be a crank if they don’t get to bed soon.”

“Yeah he’s always grumpy if he doesn’t get enough sleep.” Mary quipped and Frank shook his head with a huff of laughter as Fliss giggled.

They all made their way inside and Fliss retrieved the wrapped up fish scraps for Fred which Frank took, his fingers gently brushing against hers which again sparked that damned fire in his belly. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Fliss merely smiled at the contact and turned to Mary “So remember, no being a pain in the bum about school or…”

“Yeah yeah I know…” she shrugged.

“Something tells me she isn’t gonna pay a blind bit of notice.” Fliss said, watching as she bounded to the truck.

“Nope.” Frank agreed, shaking his head. “Thanks for dinner Fliss, it was great.”

“Not a problem, if you’re happy to play hunter gatherer I’m always happy to cook.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” he smiled at her, and after a seconds hesitation he leaned down and pecked her on the cheek. “See you Saturday.”

She smiled and watched him head down to his truck where he paused and looked back at her, giving her another smile which spread across his handsome face and Fliss felt the butterflies in her stomach stirring in the way they always seemed to do whenever he looked at her. Tossing him a wave she watched them go before she shut the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath.

“Stop chasing rainbows Lissy…” she muttered to herself, before she headed for a glass of wine and her latest book before retreating outside for the rest of her evening.

******

Surprisingly Mary kept most of her vitriol about going to school at bay, something Frank knew was down to the promise of visiting the yard. There was the odd grumble, which he shut down fairly easily. He had no illusions about the fact it would no doubt start in earnest on Sunday but for now he was simply happy to have a reprieve from the subject she had been complaining about for the past few weeks.

Seeing as she kept up her side of the bargain, he kept his. Fliss was more than happy to see them, and if he was completely honest, Frank was happy to see her as well. They talked to each other by text every single night now, it had just become a habit more than anything. And a habit he was happy to indulge.

They arrived at the yard a little after 5pm and Fliss was already on board a large, black horse with 4 white socks and a white blaze. She waved in acknowledgement but as they made their way to the paddock to watch, the horse gave a sudden sharp kick with its back left before stopping dead and launching its ass into the air. For a moment he thought Fliss was going to come unseated but she merely smirked and sat back, giving the horse a quick kick on. It moved a few steps and repeated the move.

"Give up you little shit..." he heard Fliss mumble and he bit back a snort as there was nothing little about the brute she was on.

She kicked again, but this time nothing, and the horse threw both its front legs up in a rear. Frank swallowed, as Fliss stood up in her stirrups throwing her reins forward before the animal landed down and she gave it a sharp tap with her stick. At that it moved forward a few steps and Fliss gently encouraged it to continue with a little squeeze of her legs.

"No worse than normal..." she said to Joanne who was grinning at the horse’s antics.

"He’s an ass..." Joanne laughed "you would think he'd learn he never gets away with it..."

"That's...that's normal?" Frank sputtered out and Fliss who had just struck the horse up into trot laughed.

"Yip" she called out, moving the horse on down the long side of the arena "He likes to fart about does Bronson"

Fliss warmed the horse in and then gestured to Mary to come into the paddock. She climbed the fence and sprinted over to where Joanne was.

“Ok so Joanne is now going to put out some poles…see.” Fliss looked down at her from her vantage point aboard the tall, black gelding. “The ones before and after the jump wings are take-off and landing poles. They are to help him and me figure out where he needs to be taking off and landing.”

Mary nodded eagerly

“Not all horses need them, but Bronson is still learning so it helps him to understand.”

Frank simply stood watching as Joanne directed Mary to help her set out the lightweight, brightly coloured pole before Joanne looked at Fliss and asked her something. Fliss nodded and Joanne set up a small cross-pole. Fliss circled the horse and sent it at the fence, Bronson hardly leaving the ground the fence was that low.

“Stick it up a foot!” Fliss called as she circled.

The fence was put up and Frank noticed Mary was watching every movement with utter rapt attention. She tugged on Joanne’s sleeve who turned to her and she pointed at the jump and Joanne nodded. Fliss sailed the horse over the next one and it was put up again.

This practice continued until one time the horse slammed on at the fence and skidded to a halt. Fliss fell onto the horse’s neck and Frank felt his heart stop but she didn’t fall. Instead she shuffled back onto the saddle, turned him and sent him straight back at the jump. This time he didn’t stop.

“So do you know what happened there?” he heard Fliss ask. Mary shook her head. “So his striding was off. He was trying to rush and I asked him to sit up and pay attention, because of that he got confused so he wasn’t right to take off when I needed him to. That’s why he stopped.” “So he wasn’t being naughty?” Mary asked.

“Nope.” Fliss shook her head. “Genuine mistake. See he’s only five so he’s a baby really, not like Cap who could jump a course with his eyes closed.”

“Cap?” Frank looked at her, and she turned to him. “Seriously, you have a dog called Thor and a horse called Cap?”

Fliss grinned “His full name is Captain Chaos…he was already named that when I got him but it fits my Marvel obsession perfectly.”

He shook his head with a smile and watched as this time the jump was higher again. Joanne moved Mary to stand under it, to show her how high it was and Mary’s eyes grew wide and she looked at Frank. He gave her a thumbs up and she moved out of the way as Fliss brought Bronson down again. The horse took off but clipped the pole with his front legs, knocking it down.

“That was because he didn’t pick his feet up enough…” Fliss called as she circled back round, coming again. “He’ll do it this time, watch…”

And he did. Fliss repeated the jump 3 times and Frank couldn’t help but marvel at how in tune with the animal she was. It was like they were working as a unit, she made it look effortlessly graceful, her hands and legs moving in coordination as she folded with the horse, as if jumping over a meter off the floor on the back of a half-tonne animal was the most natural thing in the world to do. The mere thought of it scared the crap out of Frank.

After the third clear jump, Fliss nodded to Joanne and slowed the horse down, letting him stretch.

“Always end on a good note” she grinned at Mary as she patted the horse. Frank could see Mary was thinking something and with that she nodded to Mary and rode the horse over to Frank.

“She wants to sit on him…” She looked at Frank “Is that ok?”

Frank swallowed “Isn’t he a bit…big?” he asked.

“Yeah but he’ll behave now…he’s knackered…tired…” she corrected her English slang. “She can sit up here with me if you’re comfortable with it?”

Frank bit his lip. “Are you sure he will be ok?”

“Trust me Sailor, I wouldn’t let her up here if I wasn’t convinced I could keep her safe…” Fliss said, removing her hat. She passed it down to Mary “Put that on and I don’t EVER want to see you on a horse without one, ok…do as I say not as I do.”

“Frank says that to me all the time…” Mary took Fliss hat and clipped it on. It was a little big but would do the trick.

“Sound advice…” Fliss grinned. “You wanna lift her up?”

Frank nodded and scaled over the fence, lifting Mary easily by the waist. He passed her up and she swung one leg either side of the saddle and gave a gasp.

“I’m so high!”

“Yup!” Fliss grinned, shifting back so Mary could settle in front of her  “Ok, hands on this strap…” she indicate to the leather line around the horses neck “I call this my Oh sh-I mean, Oh No Strap…” she said “If anything goes wrong I can grab it and hold on.”

“You can say the word…” Mary looked up at her “Frank does.”

“Stop tattle telling.” Frank sighed.

Fliss laughed and gently nudged the horse on and walked it around a few laps before changing direction and repeating. Frank spotted Joanne was putting the jump wings away so he went to help and the girl beamed at him as she directed him to where they were stored by the hay barn. By the time they had finished Fliss and Mary were stood by the gate.

“You ready to get down?” Frank asked. Mary nodded so he reached up and gently aided her off the horse before Fliss dismounted.

“Wanna lead him in?” she looked at Mary, taking the horse’s reins and moving them over his head. Mary nodded and Fliss let her lead, all the time remaining nearby. This time they didn’t head into the main barn they walked further round to a smaller private block of 4 stables.

“So these are mine.” Fliss said. “That’s Cap…” she pointed to a large black and white horse, “And this is Heidi…”

Frank stopped in front of the large chestnut mare who looked at him before snorting. He jumped back and Mary laughed as Joanne took Bronson off Mary and led him into one of the stables.

“Yeah she’s a bit particular…” Fliss teased “But she’s my pride and joy. Had her since I was 16.”

“Is she the one you did the Olympics on?”

“No.” Fliss said, “That wasn’t my horse. It was a sponsor’s. Heidi was my competition horse before I started training for the Olympics but I couldn’t part with her. I’ve had her since she was 4 and she’ll be 21 this year.”

“Do you still ride her?” Mary asked, reaching up to stroke the mare’s head.

“Yeah.” Fliss said “She can still jump and work…not as hard but it’s important to keep them going. She’s my baby…”

The mare leaned over to nuzzle at Fliss and almost as if he could sense it, Thor appeared and walked into the middle of them, sitting down, nudging Fliss with his nose.

“And you of course…” Fliss grinned, patting the dog.

They headed back out into the yard and Joanne took Mary to the feed room so she could help whilst Fliss carried the tack back to the room.

“Here…” Frank offered as she was juggling the saddle around so she could tap in the code. She handed it over with a smile before opening the door and directing him to the racks. “Thanks.”

“Least I can do.” Frank smiled, dusting his hands down on his jeans “Thanks for this.”

“For what?”

“Letting Mary come tonight.”

“It’s no problem, she’s never any trouble.”

“No, she just asks a lot of questions…” Frank snorted as they walked out to see Mary was now carrying buckets to the horses to feed them.

“I don’t mind. Questions are great, shows they care and want to learn…” Fliss spoke over her shoulder as she moved to take 3 buckets into the barn for her own horses.

“Still it takes a lot of patience.” Frank smiled.

Fliss scoffed “Mary is nothing, you ain’t met my brother’s kids.”

“I’d like to meet them.” Mary chipped up and Frank looked at her, holding his hands out in a ‘what?’ gesture.

“You want to meet other kids?” he looked at her “You spent half the last fortnight ranting about not wanting to go to school!”

Mary scowled in response, giving him a filthy look.

“You two really need to work on your communication.” Fliss looked between the pair of them as they stood facing off in the yard.

“We do communicate.” Mary shot back, and Fliss gave a hmmm as the girl continued “He just doesn’t listen.”

“Well I’ve decided to ignore dumb remarks.” Frank shot back, adjusting his shades

“Passive aggression is just childish, Frank.” Mary shrugged and he shook his head, looking at Fliss.

“I literally…” he trailed off with a sigh “See what I mean?”

Fliss chuckled as she watched Mary moving over to speak to Joanne about something. “She makes me laugh.”

“Glad she amuses you.” Frank arched an eyebrow.

“Well it’s funny watching you get out smarted by a 7 year old, what can I say?” Fliss smirked.

“You know I really wish I could deny that, but…” Frank sighed as he walked towards Mary, dropping a hand on her shoulder “Right, time to go short stack…”

“Oh, oh one more question?” Mary looked up at Fliss.

“Ask and walk…” Frank instructed her, giving her a gentle push “What do you say to Joanne?”

“Thank you!” Mary looked at her.

“Any time kid!” Joanne said as the 3 of them made their way to the parking lot.

“So what was the question?” Fliss said as they walked.

“Oh, right so I was watching a video…and they were doing side saddle…have you ever done that?”

“Yeah.” Fliss nodded, stopping by Frank’s truck “I did it on Heidi when I was a lot younger. Didn’t like it though. I prefer a leg on each side…”

There was a pause as she realised what she had said and flashed bright red as Frank let out a huge bellow of a laugh, as she gave an adorably embarrassed groan and hid her face in her hands.

“Oh god…” she groaned out “That…I didn’t mean…”

“Course you didn’t” Frank teased between his laughs and she punched him lightly on the arm.

“I don’t…I don’t get it?” Mary asked, looking up.

“Tell you when you’re older.” Frank said, “In…” he pointed to the truck.

Mary gave an exasperated groan “You always say that. You know I AM Seven!”

“Going on seventy…” Frank grumbled as she opened the door to the truck. He looked at Fliss and pushed his glasses up on top of his head so could see her properly. “Thank you, again.”

“Like I said, any time…” Fliss nodded, before a wicked smirk crossed her face “Next time she can sit on and jump with me.”

“Over my dead body.” Frank levelled her with a look, making her grin even more.

“Not even a little one?”

Frank rolled his eyes “Now I know why you two get on so well. Both a pain in my ass.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it Sailor!” She teased and he grinned.

“Well it kinda lightens up my day a little so…”

He trailed off and looked at her, and she blushed a little, tucking a stray strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. He couldn’t help but feel a little pleased at her bashful reaction. “Anyway I better…”

“Yeah, sure…” she nodded, “I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah, you will.” he said “I’ll probably fire out an SOS tomorrow night when she’s kicking off about school.”

“Well you know where I am.” Fliss said, genuinely “And I mean that. If you wanna talk or anything just…”

“I will, thanks Lissy.”

There was a moment’s pause and Fliss could tell Frank was inwardly cursing himself for the slip of his tongue, using the nickname her dad had for her. But instead of correcting him she simply smiled, because, if she was honest, she kinda liked hearing it from him.

“Anytime, have a good evening.”

“You too.”

He climbed into his truck and watched as she headed back to the yard, looking back once with a smile.

“Roberta says you and Fliss would make great babies.” Mary said and Frank jolted slightly and looked at her.

“What?” he spluttered “Why would…”

“Good genes she says.” Mary shrugged and sat back in the seat.

“Roberta needs to shut up.” Frank shook his head as he put the truck into gear “Jesus Christ.”

**** Chapter 5

[catharrington]

1. Cream in my coffee

2. Honey in my tea

3. Rum in my cola:

Steve’s not in the best of shape to hit a party the next night, less than 20 hours from his walk of shame and he’s sporting bruises on his wrists and a migraine— but he’s a high school senior. Even if fallen from grace, has to keep face. Even if the only thing he’s had over the entire day was a couple cups of tea with way too much sugar dissolved inside the mug.

Steve knew if he drank on an empty stomach it wouldn’t take long to get drunk, and a part of him is counting on it.

The stainless steel kettle is still out on his stove top. The lights leading to his kitchen are all still flipped on. He doesn’t want to touch anything. Doesn’t want to disturb the cloud of cigarette smoke and bad boy attitude Billy left lingering when he came and went. Steve doesn’t touch anything for those 20 hours because it will feel too much like he’s trying to hold Billy’s hand.

Instead, he stayed in his room, washing his skin until it rubbed red and then washing it again. Running his fingers through his hair to work his organic, name brand product in fresh. No more somber burnt coffee feelings of itchy bed sheets on his skin.

Steve comes out of his bathroom with a towel tied low on his hips. He traces his hands over the back of his desk chair where he laid out Billy’s jacket. He didn’t ask to keep it, also didn’t offer to give it back. Just kept it.

That night, when he decides he is going to keep face and show up at the graduating class’ senior year bash, he reaches for the jacket again to slip it on. It goes on much easier than in the Camaro where he gingerly grazed it over open wounds. Now the marks on his wrists are sore purple and black, and less burning red, but he’s happy to have the longer sleeves to pull down. To cover up.

He backs his expensive BMW out his driveway, he flipped all the lights off so his house looks decrepit, abandoned, as he pulls away.

Tina’s house is big, not as big as his, but big enough to come to a party and go unnoticed if you tried hard enough. Steve’s plan was to swim in, drink some beer and mix it with harder liquior to get him drunk faster, say a few short quips to make someone anyone laugh, then leave where he came. Maybe stumble home and find a sickly grey, dripping blood from the knife edges of teeth it calls a mouth, demogorgon he can sink his boiling anger into.

But now, he felt along the floral wallpaper as he made his way to Tina’s kitchen. He gets there and wraps his hands around the bottle of a chilled beer right from the fridge when the remote control hits pause.

“Thought I might find you here,” a voice dribbles down the back of his neck like burning alcohol. “I’m happy you got home safe, Steve.”

The long sleeve shirt Steve picked for the night feels too high up on the collar for him now. Feels choking and painful as he hears that voice again. The voice that was disappointed, not mad, even when Steve wanted to fight.

“You gonna look at me?” The man asks. An uppity tone to his voice. Makes Steve whip around his head to level him with a glare. The bruises on his wrists move with how hard he’s gripping the neck of his beer bottle. If it was any weaker, if he was any stronger, he could shatter it in his hands.

“What’s to look at?” Steve says quiet. They’re mostly alone in the kitchen. But the fluorescent lights are much brighter than any light that should shine down on their relationship. “I told you yesterday, I’m finished.”

The guy sighs out, stirs his mixed drink he’s nursing before he pushes it towards Steve down the counter. Steve doesn’t touch it, doesn’t even think of touching it. If the little gesture has done anything, it’s been to make his teeth grind down.

“You’re really gonna throw this away,” the man says smoothly, scooting close as his drink.

“Yeah,” Steve flicks dark brown eyes from the drink to the man’s face, “I guess I’m just not cut out for what you want.”

“You don’t know that until you try. Experiment-.”

“We tried plenty, decided I didn’t like most of it,” and Steve’s vision doesn’t waver even if his voice slightly does, “decided I didn’t like you.”

The guy swallows thickly. Takes his plastic cup and takes a swig long and loud. He’s obnoxious in the way he gulps it down, licks his lips to chase the dark liquid from the corners of his mouth, and leans in close enough so Steve can smell the mix on his lips. Rum and cola, the easiest fucking thing. The cheapest fucking thing. He’s had it at lots of parties, now he just feels sick about it.

“Back off me, man,” Steve whispers.

“Don’t be scared,” he slurs, reaching one hand that isn’t swirling his foul smelling drink and uses it to cup over Steve’s arm. Slides his big hand down around his wrist, squeezes denim into bruises, drawls out a hiss Steve doesn’t have time to muffle. Squeezed again when he figures it out.

Steve yanks out the hold quickly, pulling his arm back to his stomach to protect it, the other one pushing his beer bottle between them as if that’ll protect him. Maybe he will smash it over this guys head. Maybe he’ll smash it over the counter and use the sharped neck to carve away the mold growing over this guys skin.

That would take all night, so Steve only throws a glare before he’s moving off the counter and into the party.

He gets lost in the waves of people on people, grinding and pushing and laughing and drinking all together. Steve bumps against a guy, dark hair and freckles on his face, gets a plastic cup poured down his shirt for his troubles. But Steve isn’t listening to the empty threats. He scowls, shoots a “fuck off, Tommy,” before he keeps going.

Ends up on the back porch, the nighttime air trying to curl it’s fingers into the warm denim of Billy’s jacket. It doesn’t stand a chance. But there are real fingers chasing the air. They wrap around Steve’s wrist again and again dig into his tender skin. He’s got the beer bottle still in his hand and it swooshes around as he grips it like he’s ready for a fight.

But when he turns around: it’s Billy, Billy Hargrove, curly blond hair and dark eyelashes. Groomed brows drawn to a straight line of worry on his face. His hand drops from Steve’s wrist quicker than Steve can drop the beer bottle with a clatter to the ground.

The amber liquid pours out like honey between the wooden deck to the grass below.

“Gonna take a swing at me?” Billy asks. His voice humored, gentle, infuriatingly relaxing.

“Don’t touch me, Hargrove.” Steve warns.

Billy holds his hands up in the air. He’s wearing a new jacket, soft brown leather that’s worn almost down to the thread, thankfully, he’s not missing his denim jacket that got adopted out too much.

“You can take a swing, I won’t punch back. But you’ll be stuck on full nerd car ride duty if I die so good luck with that, Stevie,” he says with a wink.

Steve doesn’t reply. Just glances around the porch until he finds a rail to lean against.

“Hey,” Billy keeps his soft voice low.

He follows Steve with the moonlight midnight blue dancing on his dark tanned skin. He lays a hand over Steve’s shoulder. One hand goes to touch his jaw so lightly Steve’s thinking he’s imagining it. Until Billy’s thick fingers slide up the bone and curl behind his ear. Tangled with the longest parts of his hair. It’s too familiar, far too familiar, for what little they are. But Steve can’t help but lean into the touch.

Coming to the party was a bad idea. He’s got half a beer in his stomach and a drink spilt down his shirt, and Steve’s already feeling sick enough to purr under Billy’s touch.

“What happened?” Billy asks. Steve doesn’t reply, lets his eyes slide closed and his skin soak up the warm fingers.

“It’s not... God- it’s not some monster shit again?” Billy’s voice is hushed.

Steve doesn’t know how to reply. No, he wants to say, of course not, but with the clawing rage building inside him mixing stiffly like a cheap drink with the fear he felt as he ran out of the kitchen; maybe it was a monster.

He doesn’t get to reply though, before the screen door to the porch is creaking open behind them.

“Steve?” the man, monster, calls out for him.

Opening his eyes, Steve sees the wild back of Billy’s hair, curled tight and sticky with hairspray, and golden, so fucking golden, in the single naked bulb on the porch. Steve doesn’t have to see him to see him. He’s been on the receiving end of Billy’s glare enough, just last night before he got in the Camaro. It makes his toes curl in his socks.

“Glad I found you, babe,” the man leaves the door open, the pollution of light and noise spilling out over Billy’s gentle touch. Turns his shoulders rigged. Steve wants to cup them as comforting as Billy did to him last night, but he can’t. Only holds his own hands, his bruised wrists in his cold fingers, while he watches.

Billy doesn’t step aside, says, “what’s it ya lookin for, buddy?” while blocking Steve’s view like a wall.

The man catches himself for a second, he’s older but not by much, not by enough. And nothing the rum in his cola wouldn’t have equalized. “Steve,” he groans annoyed, “let’s go, we need to talk this out. Like two adults.”

And that gets Steve’s skin itching, scratchy, wants to rip a bat hammered through with nails into something soft. “There’s nothing more I have to say to you, oh- except maybe one thing: fuck off!”

“Don’t be immature about this-,”

“Didn’t you hear him?” Billy doesn’t let him finish. Cuts off that tone of disappointment like he was made to do it. Sends a shiver down Steve’s spine. He sits up on the railing just enough to see the man over Billy’s shoulder.

He notices the way the open door let a few curious eyes gather. One red flushed freckled face and curly red hair stand out. Steve looks between Tommy and Carol and Billy’s lip turned up into a snarl.

“Pretty boy here said fuck off, bitch,” he snarls, dog like, and each word is angrier than the next.

Tommy smiles wide, Steve recognizes that more than he should. And it’s familiar in a familiar painful sort of way. He wishes he was back in his kitchen away from all this. With the Billy who made him tea. Now he’s with Hawkins High tip of pyramid, wolves looking out for their pack with the same fervor they have to taste blood on their fangs.

Steve doesn’t know if this is about him anymore, a part of him knows it is, a part of him wants to think Billy is doing this singuarilly to defend him, but a shadow from his past is creeping in the open doorways yellow light smirking as if it knows better.

“Let’s go, Billy,” Steve says. He’s tired of thinking so much. Exhausted from it. Just wants to sink into leather Camaro seats and upturn the collar of Billy’s jacket and smell again. “Let’s get out of here,” he repeats, stepping forward to get a hand on Billy’s back.

“Oh! You’re not going anywhere!” The man slurs out as he zeros in on Steve’s hand, but those were the wrong words.

Quicker than Steve can think through his headache, quicker than the man can see through the haze of alcohol, but just as fast as a high school student’s hyena laughter; Billy’s hand balls into a fist and cracks against bone.

Snap, and the man is lurching backwards, his hands flying up to cup around his nose. Blood pours down his face and between his fingers red like the plastic cup he dropped on the ground. More dark brown liquid sloshes around his feet.

Billy moves without mercy. He scoops the man up by the collar of his shirt, yanking him to attention, getting real close.

“No one tells me what to do,” he hisses.

Steve can’t fucking take it. He reaches forward again, this time getting a fist in Billy’s jacket and pulling the fabric tight to get his attention. Feels like he’s pulling on a wild animals leash but he keeps pulling.

“Let him go, Hargrove, he’s not worth it,” he tells him what to do. Voice quiet under Tommy’s laughter and Carol’s cheers.

“Let’s go,” Steve presses the point of his sharp nose into the soft spot behind Billy’s ear, whispers right to him.

It’s easy as pressing a button on the other boy. Billy drops the man heavy on the ground. Listens to Steve above all the noise. He turns into the touch, allows it when Steve’s hand slides from where his jacket is bunched in the back and down to his wrist.

Steve wraps his hand around Billy’s wrist and pulls.

They stumble together down the steps of Tina’s back porch. They stumble together across the dark grass in the middle of the night and search blindly for a baby blue Camaro. Billy finds it first, pressing his overheated skin against the chilled metal. Steve walks around the front, leading with his hands over hands across the hood to keep his balance. They drop into the leather seats. Steve takes a gulp of air that’s just as satisfying as lighting up his own marlboro red.

The engine starts to life, vibrating under his ass and pushing the blood through his slug stiff veins. Billy growls along with it. Throws his head back. His curly hair flattened on the back by his headrest as he opens his pretty mouth wide to holler. One hand gripping the wheel is skinned on the knuckles, blood just starting to drip out.

Steve lets his head fall back same as Billy. His chest heaving as hard as it was in the boys locker room showers, when his vision was orange glow and California sun kissed skin. And all he could think about was how mustaches feel when you kiss them.

Billy turns to him. Smug smile on his face. Trying to get a rise out of him.

“How’s that for fighting monsters, pretty boy?” he shouts.

Steve takes a second to breath. Closes his eyes and opens them slow just to make sure he’s got his head on right. Then he replies, “I fucking love fighting monsters with you, Billy,” and he means it.

[butididnottried]

Kipo season 3

That was a good season, i liked it far more that the second one. Which wasn’t bad at all. It’s also interesting how from the start this story was planned for only three seasons, as a closed thing with (rather) no possibilities for continuing or stretching it to be longer. Of course i would like to have more of Kipo, but this is really nice. (:

First, the thing that annoyed me the most - what it is with americans and proms?! Fucking prom!!! Just, get that thing far away from me. At least it could be just a ball if they really needed to throw a party. Ok, i’m guessing that there’s a slight chance that proms are shown in popculture as a Very Important Events and in real life people aren’t so obsessed with them, but it’s still annyoing.

But this whole prom is a part of a bigger problem for me, but it’s not really a problem of this show, but how i see this. I think. So. Everytime when a mute was turned into a normal animal it hurted. It’s not like i was attached to every one of them, but there was something very wrong about this whole vaccine thing. It felt like murder. And it’s probably this show metaphor for murder i guess, but because it’s still for kids creators couldn’t show this in a more crude way. Like, these animals are still there, we’re seeing them alive and fine, and even if other characters mourned them or are still crying after them, the vaccinated ones are under a good care. But. They’re not these characters anymore. Their minds and self-awareness we’re taken from them. They’re not here anymore. They’re gone. Yeah, it’s just like... weird way of murder. And then show turns around and is like “ayyy, there’s no murder and murder attempt that a good party can’t fix”. Idk how to feel about that. :/

I also liked Hugo way more than before, althought i don’t think that it was necessary for him to die. But oh well. It was just the best when he and Wolf made this little team up, and i like how when Kipo was trying to made him to apologize to other mutes, he was just snarky and not cooperating and smashing everything, and finally drop that behavior and attitude when confronted with children. I can’t really put that into words, but i find it really fitting that Hugo backed down when a child started to crying. I also really liked this moment when he get a grand piano and was playing piano version of Yumyan Hammerpaw, and of course that he don’t know this song and it was purely creators choice to make him play that, because Kipo and the rest we’re back and Yumyan was vaccined and turned into silly kitty and then i recognized that Hugo was playing his song and i tear up a little and oh god that was sooo saaad. But on the more funny side of Hugo - oh wow, how much he was offended by banjo and food. Good shit.

Dave also was better in this season. Before his stupidity was more or less annyoing but in this season he came back to again being incredibly funny. And his story how he was fighting for 200 years over a plastic fan with a clan of dweebs? At first i was wondering how much of this he was making up, but then it get really interesting. There was a whole bunch of Daves? He was there when all this apocalypse started? He’s IMMORTAL?! Like, of course he is, but i’ve never before thought about this, so it was kinda shocking. But no, he’s not fully immortal, only for like 99,9%, you just need to know one Special Move to finish Dave for good. This is so funny. xD But, if Benson came from clan of dweebs, does this makes him oficially a dweeb forever or he grown up from that? Also, i can buy and accept that when Kipo is changing betweeen human and mega jaguar forms she keeps her clothes untouched, ok, yeah, why not, but i absolutely do not believe that a cheap plastic fan would work for full 200 years. Nuh uh.

Being and adult is truly something else, huh? I was chuckling like mad when Lio and Dave had their little bros adventure, because yeah, you miss that point when you should go to sleep and it’s over for you.

Dubstep bees are The Best. Talking through dubstep is also The Best. And it’s not just poison ivy, it’s killing ivy. And holy shit, they killed all those crabs in a very icky way and then they eat them? And wolves we’re talking very causally who they eaten recently? Shit, humour in those few episodes was sometimes kinda gruesome, huh? And how much scientific facts we learned about cats this season, amazing!

Emilia ended up with Fun Gus. Well. Holy shit. I feel that with her nasty attitude that baby is going get angry with her and completely overstrain her very fast.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s also amazing how creators decided that Emilias evilness had no excuses. Yeah, she got these vile ideas from her dad, who was pretty scary, angry and intimidating and yes, she wanted him to be proud of her, but, she wasn’t really scared of him, it didn’t looked like she was in any danger. Her brother turned up to be a cool dude. But Emilia went from “i’m going to find a way for humans to be able to live on the surface again, just like everyone else in my colony” to “murder is okay” on her own. No one put her in a situation with no choice, she wasn’t scared or regretted what she did. There was a chance for her to chose between living beside mutes and going on a war with them, and she made a choice to be evil absoulety on her own. No one brainwashed or groomed her to be that way. Fuck her.

I was a little disappointed that the skin that Wolf was wearing didn’t belonged to that one wolf girl that was her friend. But oh well, it’s not a big deal. On the other hand, Wolf had one of my most favourites scenes in this season.

Song is back and she almost immediately get to work, which means much much math to do, and Kipo is there to support her mom and she just starts chanting and Wolf joins in with full enthusiasm and they’re both just yelling “mom! mom! mom!”, and Kipo is like “having a mom is as amazing as i imagined it” and Wolf just smiles and is like “yea”, because of course that having a mom is amazing. And dad. And sister. And two brothers. A whole family. And there wasn’t some big revelation moment for Wolf, that she’s not alone anymore, and no one said it out loud, and there was no tears. It just happened and Wolf just accepted that and is perfectly happy. Because yea, it is amazing. I’m so happy for her.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 4: Skating The Issue

Chapter Summary: It’s Fliss’ turn to host Frank and Mary and both adults seem to be skating round a particular issue…

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. 

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher 

A/N: I know I said we would be diving into the Gifted story line in this Chapter but, well, I lied…next chapter we start! As always I’m a ho for a REBLOG and COMMENT! 

Chapter Song: Chasing Rainbows by Shed Seven

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

“Hey Cowgirl, how do you cook a skate?" 

Fliss had to read the message twice "I’m assuming you’re talking about the fish…”

“No an ice skate…” the sarcasm dripped of his reply and she could just imagine him rolling his eyes.

“Where the fuck did u get an ice skate in South Pass?” she giggled to herself as she typed her response.

“U deliberately being an ass?" 

"Why did u get a skate when u don’t know how to cook one?”

“I don’t know how to cook a lot of things. And there was a guy at the harbour giving them away. Extra catch he said. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth etc…”

Fliss pondered something for a moment before she leaned back in her chair and continued the conversation “Well why don’t u bring them round tonight and I’ll do them. I still haven’t cooked for you after the BBQ the other week”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t taken it to heart that every time we’ve tried to arrange it you’ve cancelled”

“Piss off!” She laughed to herself as she replied

“It’s this weather man, it’s so hot… not my fault I’ve had to rejig all my lessons and exercise my own horses at 9pm… you’ve been busy too don’t forget!”

“Busy time of year for Sailing, what can I say? As it happens I can do tonight but I’ll have Mary. Is that ok?”

“No, Frank I expect you to leave her at home on her own… ”

“Trust me if I could I would, she’s driving me insane at the moment.” “Why?” Fliss frowned slightly. Whilst she hadn’t really seen Frank other than the previous week for Mary’s riding lesson they talked often by text and he hadn’t mentioned she was playing up.

And then she suddenly realised. It was the last week of the Summer holidays.  Mary started school on Monday. And she had already made her feelings about that very clear to Fliss, several times.

“I’ll explain later. What time?”

Fliss checked her watch. It was 4pm.

“Say 6 ish? I’ll send you the post…I mean zip code…why the fuck do you lot call it a zip code anyway?”

“Stands for Zone Improvement Plan” 

“That makes no sense" 

"Course it does. Zip, its fast, as in the mail travels more efficiently, and more quickly when people use it”

“And you wonder why Mary is such a smart ass!" 

"Whatever, see you at 6.”

“Bye Sailor.”

Standing up she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her riding breeches and headed out onto the main yard. It was empty. The weather had been scorching recently, so hot she had been forced to cancel a lot of lessons and offer something different to her students. She had been taking the younger kids on trail rides through the grounds that surrounded her yard and onto the waterside and then taught them basic horse care and grooming routines, whilst the older clients who wanted to continue their training had moved their sessions to earlier or later in the day. That said, she had no one left to teach today and she was giving her own 3 a rest so it was a case of making sure waters in the fields were topped up ready for evening turn out.

Thor was flopped in the shade of one of the stables, flat on his side. He cracked an eye open as she passed and his tail lazily thumped on the floor. “Oh boy…I know it’s hot…” she said with a chuckle, bending over to give him a scratch before she stood up and he did the same, trotting obediently at her heels as she headed through the gate and down the dirt tracks which led to the turn out paddock. Joanne, Ruby and Ellis her head groom and stable hands were busy with the water truck topping up the troughs in the bottom field.

“Hey guys.” she smiled “All ok?”

“Yeah…” Joanne nodded “We’ve topped all the others up, this is the last one.”  

“Great, ok well let’s get them fed and then we can get them turned out and have an early finish.” Fliss smiled. “Ruby, Ellis, keep an eye on the water.”

The girl and boy nodded and then Katie and Joanne headed back towards the yard.

“So, you doing anything tonight?” Joanne asked.

“Oh, erm, Mary and Frank are coming over for dinner.” Fliss said

“As in Mary and Frank Adler?” Joanne looked at Fliss. Fliss nodded.

“God he is dreamy.” Joanne groaned “Total fuck boy though.” Fliss laughed, “So you told me. He’s a nice guy though, I enjoy talking to him.”

“Talking?” Joanne deadpanned “Seriously, you’ve got a sure thing there and you’re talking?”

Fliss snorted “Trust me I’m not looking for anything else, certainly not at the moment.”

“Yeah well, you never find anything when you’re looking for it do you?” Joanne said lightly as they walked into the feed store. “It’s always when you’re not looking that you come across it.” Fliss looked at her for a moment. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t attracted to Frank, she’d have to be blind not to be. But she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t feel ready for a relationship just yet and it would have to take someone very special to change her mind. With a sigh she jerked her head in the direction of the containers which held the horse feed.

“Start scooping that lot out.”

Joanne did as she was told and a little over an hour later everything was turned out, fed and she made sure the staff knew who was on duty in the morning. With that she dismissed them early and set off to the store grabbing the ingredients she needed.

***** “Woah!” Mary said as Frank pulled up outside the gates “Does Fliss live here?” “According to the directions…” Frank said. He pulled out his phone and gave her a call.

“Hi, you at the gates?” she asked.

“I think so…” Frank said.

“Ok hang on…” she instructed and Frank waited. A few seconds later the iron gates swung inwards. “Drive past the main house on your right and keep coming until the drive bends round. The annex is to the left behind the garage. Door’s open, just come on in.”

Frank took a deep breath and headed through the gate. Mary was looking out of the window at the large villa style house as they passed, her mouth hanging open. Bill emerged from the double garage to the left and Frank smiled at him, halting the truck.

“Alright lad?” Bill said, leaning on the top of the truck, talking through the open window. “Hey kid.” “Hi Mr Gallagher.” Mary said, smiling “We’re off to Fliss’ for dinner.” “It’s Bill, Mary, my dad was Mr Gallagher.” he smiled “And you’re a lucky girl, Lissy’s cooking is superb!”

“Anything is better than Frank’s…” she said and Frank rolled his eyes.

“Mine too. I burn water.” Bill chuckled. “You can’t do that.” Mary frowned, “It just evaporates.”

“It’s a figure of speech Mary, you know, a joke…” Frank looked at her shaking his head as Bill laughed.

“Well I’ll let you go.” he smiled, “Straight down the drive. Have a good evening.”

He straightened up and whistled, calling a small terrier to his heels before he headed over to a gate at the side. As he opened it, Frank just caught a glimpse of a spacious back yard and a pool before the gate snapped closed. Setting the truck forward again, he followed the drive and it turned left just before the fence, opening up into a space behind the garage where the small annex was set. It was a little detached, 2 storey building that was a similar style to the villa with a wooden door and a large bay window. The door was open and as Frank climbed out of the truck, the wrapped paper package of skate in his hand, Thor came bounding outside barking excitedly.

“Hey boy.” he said, giving the dog a pat before Thor turned his attention to Mary.

“Found it ok then?”

Frank looked up to see Fliss in the doorway. She was dressed in a pair of denim shorts that finished halfway up her toned thighs and a tight grey T-shirt which was distressed around the sleeves. Her hair was fastened back in a loose braid and she was barefoot. Frank felt a certain, and very unwelcome, pooling of arousal in the base of his stomach. Swallowing slightly he pushed it down and smiled at her.

“Nice place.”

“Well the rents got a fair whack when they sold up in the UK so…” she shrugged “Sadly it’s not mine!”

He smiled, “This doesn’t look so bad.”

“Suits me, for the time being anyway until I can get my own place.” she smiled “We’re in the middle of re-decorating it so there’s stuff all over the dining room. We’ll eat outside if that’s ok?”

“Sure.” Frank smiled.

Fliss gave a sharp whistle and Thor immediately headed back towards her and into the house as Mary followed, pausing to give Katie a hug. She led them inside and Frank looked around, the small porch area led into a square living room with a wooden floor which sported a large, light blue fluffy rug and a coffee table in the middle. There was a grey and black L-shaped sofa which ran along one wall and jutted out slightly around the edge of the coffee table and a huge flat screen TV and entertainment system nestled in the other corner which was surrounded by a huge rack of DVDs. On the wall above the sofa was a large framed photograph of Fliss with a chestnut horse, giving it a kiss on the nose, smiling as she did so, sunglasses covering her eyes. There were various other family shots in frames on other walls too. Taking it all in, Frank followed Fliss through an archway into the tiled dining room, which held a table against one wall and a display cabinet against the other which was full of trophies and rosettes. The walls were stripped bare and just as Fliss said there was a pile of decorating equipment sat in the corner. To the right a staircase headed upstairs and in front of them were double butler doors which led into the small country style kitchen. The rear doors were open onto a small flagged yard which sported a decking area upon which sat a table and some chairs. Various pot plants were scattered around the yard area and there was a wicker sofa and chair set with a smaller table and a hot tub nestled into the corner of the fence and the wall, under the kitchen windows.

“This is an annex?” Frank deadpanned looking around. Fliss turned to him, blushing slightly.

“I know, I’m very lucky.” she shrugged. “It’s as good as having my own place.”

“It’s really cool” Mary said “Can I go outside?” “Knock yourself out.” Fliss said as Mary disappeared into the yard, Thor following. “So, where’s this fish?”

Frank dropped the package onto the side and Fliss peeled the paper open.

“Oooh they look great!” She grinned. “So I’m gonna pan fry them with some lemon, garlic and then I’ve done some potatoes and salad…nothing fancy but…” “It sounds great.” Frank said.

“Is there anything Mary doesn’t like?”

“Tomatoes.” Frank said “I mean if they’re in a sauce of pasta she’s fine but…”

“Devil veg.” Fliss wrinkled her nose.

“Actually they’re a fruit…” Frank teased as she looked at him.

“You ever seen a tomato in a fruit salad?” she shot back, reaching around him to open the large fridge.

He laughed and moved out of her way “That’s exactly the reply Mary gives me.” “Like I said, smart kid.” she said, grabbing 2 beers before bumping the fridge door shut with her hip. She opened a door and grabbed a bottle opener, flipping off the cap before handing one to Frank.

“Thanks.” he said. “So, is there anything I can do to help or…” “No, everything’s done bar the fish so…” she shook her head “Stand and watch Sailor, you might learn something.”

He stood leaning against the counter as she worked, settling into comfortable chat, watching as she cleaned, skinned and filleted the fish before squeezing fresh lemon over it and tossing it into a hot pan with a few cloves of garlic.

“It doesn’t take long” she said, “Do you wanna grab me a few plates?”

“Sure.” he nodded, “err…” “Cupboard behind you, to the right.” she said over her shoulder as she pulled a salad out of the fridge and drizzled it lightly with a mixture of balsamic, oil and lemon. She did the same with the cold potatoes before she turned the heat off the stove and divided the fish up into 2 larger pieces and a smaller one for Mary. 

She gently slid the slices onto the plates and then she nodded. “All done.” “Well that looked easy.” Frank said

“You can try it yourself next time.” she looked at him, handing him the two bowls “Can you take those out the table?”

He picked them up easily and carried them outside, Mary instantly scrambling up from where she had been sat on the outside sofa with Thor and following him.

Fliss walked out with the plates which contained the fish and they all settled down, Frank placing some potatoes and salad onto Mary’s plate before doing the same for Fliss as she headed back inside for 2 more beers and an apple juice for Mary.

“This is really good!” the 7 year old enthused.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful.” Frank looked at her and she gave him a filthy scowl which made Fliss laugh.

“She looks a bit like you when she does that.” “I do not.” Mary replied indignantly.

Fliss merely smiled as she stabbed another potato and popped it into her mouth “Whatever you say.” Mary shot her another look which earned her one back from Frank. She met his eyes with her own and gave a shrug, diving back into her food.

“Fred would like this.” she said, looking at her fish.

“Good job because I saved him the scraps.” Fliss said.

“Did you?” Mary looked at her, smiling. Fliss nodded.

Frank watched the easy exchange between the two, smiling softly. Mary had been in a foul mood all afternoon after he had taken her shopping for a few outfits for School. She had been kicking off about the fact she had to go on Monday, but he was sticking to his decision. She needed to go, be a kid, have a normal life.

“You alright?” Fliss looked at him and he nodded

“Yeah, just thinking that’s all.” he said, “Nothing serious.” Fliss accepted his answer, even though she didn’t believe him and she changed the subject, telling Mary about a few of the things she had planned for her next riding lesson which wasn’t for another 10 days seeing as she had been for one the Saturday before.

“Can I not come this Saturday?” she pleaded.

“Mary…” Frank sighed, rubbing at the buttons on the top of his t-shirt collar line “We discussed this, once a fortnight…” Mary scowled again and Frank let out a groan.

“Well, if it’s ok with Frank you could come up later in the day and help me with my 3.” Fliss said, looking at him. “You can help Joanne with the poles on the jumps and the feeds.” “Oh, please Frank can I?”

Frank looked at Mary then to Fliss “You sure that’s ok?”

Fliss nodded “Course” “Alright.” Frank nodded “But one more tantrum about school between then and now and you’re not going understood?”

Mary pouted a little, clearly considering this bargain before she sighed “Ok.” When they had finished eating Frank helped Fliss clear down the table. She told him to drop the dished into the sink whilst she placed the left over salad into tubs and back in the fridge.

“So School still a sore subject?” She queried.

“Oh fuck me…” Frank sighed “Sore?” he rubbed at his temple “Monday is gonna be a nightmare.” “She’ll get used to it.” Fliss said “She’s bound to feel a little put out a first but she’ll settle.” “I just hope I’m doing the right thing” Frank said.

“You can’t do anything but your best Frank.” Fliss said softly “That’s all any of us can do.” “Yeah, suppose.” he shrugged. “Anyway, enough about that…been meaning to ask, how’s it been with shuffling all the lessons around?” “We’ve managed.” Fliss said, heading back outside “takings are down but…well, you always get peaks and troughs.” “Tell me about it. Boat work slows up a lot November through January.” Frank shrugged.

“You should branch out into tractor fixing.” Fliss said, settling onto the sofa next to Mary who was busy flicking through a book she had brought. Fliss glanced down and grinned “Moby Dick?” “Yeah…” Mary looked at her “You read it?”

“A while back. I used to read a lot.”

“What’s your favourite book?” Mary asked.

“Honestly?” Fliss smiled “It’s Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.” “Isn’t that for kids?” “Mary…” Frank groaned “You are a kid.”

“Fliss isn’t” Mary shot back.

“No but I was when those books were released. The first one came out in 1997, I was only 13. I grew up reading them.” Mary contemplated this. “And they’re good?”

“Yeah.” Fliss smiled “I love Harry Potter. That’s what this is…” She pointed to the tattoo which circled her left ankle Frank glanced down at the writing, which curved around and then formed into the outline of a stag’s head on her Achilles tendon. It was quite a delicate design. Mary studied it carefully.

“Expecto Patronum…” she said, reading it out “What does that mean?”

“It’s a spell.” she said, “So in one of the books Harry has to cast it to protect himself from these creatures…and his Patonus, the thing the spell conjures, takes the form of a stag. The writing, see…” Fliss traced it with her finger “That’s the author, JK Rowling’s handwriting. I had it done a year ago, kind of a reminder to me that no matter how bad things get there’s always a way to make it better.” Mary nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll read them then.” “Do you want to borrow the first one?” Fliss asked “And then once you’ve done maybe one night we can watch the movie.”

“Please.” Mary nodded.

Fliss stood up and nodded for Mary to follow so she did. “be right back.”

Frank waved them away and Fliss led Mary upstairs into the spare room. It was still full of boxes, some which littered the bottom of the bunk beds. She dug into a box, found the book, and handed it to Mary. Mary took it gently and examined the cover.

“Thank you. I’ll take good care of it I promise.” Mary nodded “Can I see your bedroom?”

Fliss laughed and nodded “Sure.”  she led her across the hall into the larger bedroom and let Mary walk in and look round at the airy room, glancing at the bed which was made and adorned with a light blue and yellow bed spread and a few cushions.

“It’s tidier than Franks.” she mused and Fliss laughed.

“I’m a girl.” she shrugged. “We’re always tidier than men.” “Is that you?” Mary asked, striding over to a photo that was on the bedside table.

Fliss nodded as Mary looked at the frame, which contained a shot of her and her parents with her brother.

“That’s my brother Steeb…I mean Steve.” “Steeb?” Mary looked up.

“When I was a little girl I couldn’t pronounce his name properly.” Fliss explained “I called him Steeb, or Steeby…it just kinda stuck.”

Mary gave a snort of laughter as she placed the frame down and Fliss waited until she finished looking around before she headed for the door. They made their way back down the stairs and outside, where Frank was looking at something on his phone. He looked up at them as they walked back through the bi-folding doors.

“Did you say thanks?”

“She did.” Fliss nodded.

“Good.” Frank nodded. He took a sigh and looked at Fliss “I don’t wanna rush out but it is getting kinda late and someone will be a crank if they don’t get to bed soon.” “Yeah he’s always grumpy if he doesn’t get enough sleep.” Mary quipped and Frank shook his head with a huff of laughter as Fliss giggled.

They all made their way inside and Fliss retrieved the wrapped up fish scraps for Fred which Frank took, his fingers gently brushing against hers which again sparked that damned fire in his belly. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Fliss merely smiled at the contact and turned to Mary “So remember, no being a pain in the bum about school or…” “Yeah yeah I know…” she shrugged.

“Something tells me she isn’t gonna pay a blind bit of notice.” Fliss said, watching as she bounded to the truck.

“Nope.” Frank agreed, shaking his head. “Thanks for dinner Fliss, it was great.” “Not a problem, if you’re happy to play hunter gatherer I’m always happy to cook.” “I’ll hold you to that.” he smiled at her, and after a seconds hesitation he leaned down and pecked her on the cheek. “See you Saturday.” She smiled and watched him head down to his truck where he paused and looked back at her, giving her another smile which spread across his handsome face and Fliss felt the butterflies in her stomach stirring in the way they always seemed to do whenever he looked at her. Tossing him a wave she watched them go before she shut the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath.

“Stop chasing rainbows Lissy…” she muttered to herself, before she headed for a glass of wine and her latest book before retreating outside for the rest of her evening.

******

Surprisingly Mary kept most of her vitriol about going to school at bay, something Frank knew was down to the promise of visiting the yard. There was the odd grumble, which he shut down fairly easily. He had no illusions about the fact it would no doubt start in earnest on Sunday but for now he was simply happy to have a reprieve from the subject she had been complaining about for the past few weeks.

Seeing as she kept up her side of the bargain, he kept his. Fliss was more than happy to see them, and if he was completely honest, Frank was happy to see her as well. They talked to each other by text every single night now, it had just become a habit more than anything. And a habit he was happy to indulge.

They arrived at the yard a little after 5pm and Fliss was already on board a large, black horse with 4 white socks and a white blaze. She waved in acknowledgement but as they made their way to the paddock to watch, the horse gave a sudden sharp kick with its back left before stopping dead and launching its ass into the air. For a moment he thought Fliss was going to come unseated but she merely smirked and sat back, giving the horse a quick kick on. It moved a few steps and repeated the move. “Give up you little shit…” he heard Fliss mumble and he bit back a snort as there was nothing little about the brute she was on. She kicked again, but this time nothing, and the horse threw both its front legs up in a rear. Frank swallowed, as Fliss stood up in her stirrups throwing her reins forward before the animal landed down and she gave it a sharp tap with her stick. At that it moved forward a few steps and Fliss gently encouraged it to continue with a little squeeze of her legs. “No worse than normal…” she said to Joanne who was grinning at the horse’s antics. “He’s an ass…” Joanne laughed “you would think he’d learn he never gets away with it…” “That’s…that’s normal?” Frank sputtered out and Fliss who had just struck the horse up into trot laughed. “Yip” she called out, moving the horse on down the long side of the arena “He likes to fart about does Bronson”

Fliss warmed the horse in and then gestured to Mary to come into the paddock. She climbed the fence and sprinted over to where Joanne was.

“Ok so Joanne is now going to put out some poles…see.” Fliss looked down at her from her vantage point aboard the tall, black gelding. “The ones before and after the jump wings are take-off and landing poles. They are to help him and me figure out where he needs to be taking off and landing.”

Mary nodded eagerly

“Not all horses need them, but Bronson is still learning so it helps him to understand.”

Frank simply stood watching as Joanne directed Mary to help her set out the lightweight, brightly coloured pole before Joanne looked at Fliss and asked her something. Fliss nodded and Joanne set up a small cross-pole. Fliss circled the horse and sent it at the fence, Bronson hardly leaving the ground the fence was that low.

“Stick it up a foot!” Fliss called as she circled.

The fence was put up and Frank noticed Mary was watching every movement with utter rapt attention. She tugged on Joanne’s sleeve who turned to her and she pointed at the jump and Joanne nodded. Fliss sailed the horse over the next one and it was put up again.

This practice continued until one time the horse slammed on at the fence and skidded to a halt. Fliss fell onto the horse’s neck and Frank felt his heart stop but she didn’t fall. Instead she shuffled back onto the saddle, turned him and sent him straight. This time he didn’t stop.

“So do you know what happened there?” he heard Fliss ask. Mary shook her head. “So his striding was off. He was trying to rush and I asked him to sit up and pay attention, because of that he got his striding confused so he wasn’t right to take off when I needed him to. That’s why he stopped.” “So he wasn’t being naughty?” Mary asked.

“Nope.” Fliss shook her head. “Genuine mistake. See he’s only 6 so he’s a baby really, not like Cap who could jump a course with his eyes closed.” “Cap?” Frank looked at her, and she turned to him. “Seriously, you have a dog called Thor and a horse called Cap?” Fliss grinned “His full name is Captain Chaos…he was already named that when I got him but it fits my Marvel obsession perfectly.” He shook his head with a smile and watched as this time the jump was higher again. Joanne moved Mary to stand under it, to show her how high it was and Mary’s eyes grew wide and she looked at Frank. He gave her a thumbs up and she moved out of the way as Fliss brought Bronson down again. The horse took off but clipped the pole with his front legs, knocking it down.

“That was because he didn’t pick his feet up enough…” Fliss called as she circled back round, coming again. “He’ll do it this time, watch…” And he did. Fliss repeated the jump 3 times and Frank couldn’t help but marvel at how in tune with the animal she was. It was like they were working as a unit, she made it look effortlessly graceful, her hands and legs moving in coordination as she folded with the horse, as if jumping over a meter off the floor on the back of a half-tonne animal was the most natural thing in the world to do. The mere thought of it scared the crap out of Frank.

After the 3rd time, Fliss nodded to Joanne and slowed the horse down, letting him stretch.

“Always end on a good note” she grinned at Mary as she patted the horse. Frank could see Mary was thinking something and with that she nodded to Mary and rode the horse over to Frank.

“She wants to sit on him…” She looked at Frank “Is that ok?” Frank swallowed “Isn’t he a bit…big?” he asked.

“Yeah but he’ll behave now…he’s knackered…tired…” she corrected her English slang. “She can sit up here with me if you’re comfortable with it?”

Frank bit his lip. “Are you sure he will be ok?” “Trust me Sailor, I wouldn’t let her up here if I wasn’t convinced I could keep her safe…” Fliss said, removing her hat. She passed it down to Mary “Put that on and I don’t EVER want to see you on a horse without one, ok…do as I say not as I do.”

“Frank says that to me all the time…” Mary took Fliss’ hat and clipped it on. It was a little big but would do the trick.

“Sound advice…” Fliss grinned. “You wanna lift her up?”

Frank nodded and scaled over the fence, lifting Mary easily by the waist. He passed her up and she swung one leg either side of the saddle and gave a gasp.

“I’m so high!”

“Yup!” Fliss grinned, shifting back so Mary could settle in front of her  “Ok, hands on this strap…” she indicate to the leather line around the horses neck “I call this my Oh sh-I mean, Oh No Strap…” she said “If anything goes wrong I can grab it and hold on.” “You can say the word…” Mary looked up at her “Frank does.” “Stop tattle telling.” Frank sighed.

Fliss laughed and gently nudged the horse on and walked it around a few laps before changing direction and repeating. Frank spotted Joanne was putting the jump wings away so he went to help and the girl beamed at him as she directed him to where they were stored by the hay barn. By the time they had finished Fliss and Mary were stood by the gate.

“You ready to get down?” Frank asked. Mary nodded so he reached up and gently aided her off the horse before Fliss dismounted.

“Wanna lead him in?” she looked at Mary, taking the horse’s reins and moving them over his head. Mary nodded and Fliss let her lead, all the time remaining nearby. This time they didn’t head into the main barn they walked further round to a smaller private block of 4 stables.

“So these are mine.” Fliss said. “That’s Cap…” she pointed to a large black and white horse, “And this is Heidi…”

Frank stopped in front of the large chestnut mare who looked at him before snorting. He jumped back and Mary laughed as Joanne took Bronson off Mary and led him into one of the stables.

“Yeah she’s a bit particular…” Fliss teased “But she’s my pride and joy. Had her since I was 16.”

“Is she the one you did the Olympics on?”

“No.” Fliss said, “That wasn’t my horse. It was a sponsor’s. Heidi was my competition horse before I started training for the Olympics but I couldn’t part with her. I’ve had her since she was 4 and she’ll be 21 this year.” “Do you still ride her?” Mary asked, reaching up to stroke the mare’s head.

“Yeah.” Fliss said “She can still jump and work…not as hard but it’s important to keep them going. She’s my baby…”

The mare leaned over to nuzzle at Fliss and almost as if he could sense it, Thor appeared and walked into the middle of them, sitting down, nudging Fliss with his nose.

“And you of course…” Fliss grinned, patting the dog.

They headed back out into the yard and Joanne took Mary to the feed room so she could help whilst Fliss carried the tack back to the room.

“Here…” Frank offered as she was juggling the saddle around so she could tap in the code. She handed it over with a smile before opening the door and directing him to the racks. “Thanks.”

“Least I can do.” Frank smiled, dusting his hands down on his jeans “Thanks for this.” “For what?”

“Letting Mary come tonight.” “It’s no problem, she’s never any trouble.”

“No, she just asks a lot of questions…” Frank snorted as they walked out to see Mary was now carrying buckets to the horses to feed them.

“I don’t mind. Questions are great, shows they care and want to learn…” Fliss spoke over her shoulder as she moved to take 3 buckets into the barn for her own horses.

“Still it takes a lot of patience.” Frank smiled.

Fliss scoffed “Mary is nothing, you ain’t met my brother’s kids.”

“I’d like to meet them.” Mary chipped up and Frank looked at her, holding his hands out in a ‘what?’ gesture.

“You want to meet other kids?” he looked at her “You spent half the last fortnight ranting about not wanting to go to school!”

Mary scowled in response, giving him a filthy look.

“You two really need to work on your communication.” Fliss looked between the pair of them as they stood facing off in the yard.

“We do communicate.” Mary shot back, and Fliss gave a hmmm as the girl continued “He just doesn’t listen.” “Well I’ve decided to ignore dumb remarks.” Frank shot back, adjusting his shades

“Passive aggression is just childish, Frank.” Mary shrugged and he shook his head, looking at Fliss.

“I literally…” he trailed off with a sigh “See what I mean?” Fliss chuckled as she watched Mary moving over to speak to Joanne about something.

“She makes me laugh.” “Glad she amuses you.” Frank arched an eyebrow.

“Well it’s funny watching you get out smarted by a 7 year old, what can I say?” Fliss smirked.

“You know I really wish I could deny that, but…” Frank sighed as he walked towards Mary, dropping a hand on her shoulder “Right, time to go short stack…”

“Oh, oh one more question?” Mary looked up at Fliss.

“Ask and walk…” Frank instructed her, giving her a gentle push “What do you say to Joanne.” “Thank you!” Mary looked at her.

“Any time kid!” Joanne said as the 3 of them made their way to the parking lot.

“So what was the question?” Fliss said as they walked.

“Oh, right so I was watching a video…and they were doing side saddle…have you ever done that?” “Yeah.” Fliss nodded, stopping by Frank’s truck “I did it on Heidi when I was a lot younger. Didn’t like it though. I prefer a leg on each side…” There was a pause as she realised what she had said and flashed bright red as Frank let out a huge below of a laugh, as she gave an adorably embarrassed groan and hid her face in her hands.

“Oh god…” she groaned out “That…I didn’t mean…”

“Course you didn’t” Frank teased between his laughs and she punched him lightly on the arm.

“I don’t…I don’t get it?” Mary asked, looking up.

“Tell you when you’re older.” Frank said, “In…” he pointed to the truck.

Mary gave an exasperated groan “You always say that. You know I AM Seven!”

“Going on seventy…” Frank grumbled as she opened the door to the truck. He looked at Fliss and pushed his glasses up on top of his head so could see her properly. “Thank you, again.”

“Like I said, any time…” Fliss nodded, before a wicked smirk crossed her face “Next time she can sit on and jump with me.” “Over my dead body.” Frank levelled her with a look, making her grin even more.

“Not even a little one?”

Frank rolled his eyes “Now I know why you two get on so well. Both a pain in my ass.” “Don’t pretend you don’t love it Sailor!” She teased and he grinned.

“Well it kinda lightens up my day a little so…”

He trailed off and looked at her, and she blushed a little, tucking a stray strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. He couldn’t help but feel a little pleased at her bashful reaction. “Anyway I better…” “Yeah, sure…” she nodded, “I’ll catch you later.” “Yeah, you will.” he said “I’ll probably fire out an SOS tomorrow night when she’s kicking off about school.”

“Well you know where I am.” Fliss said, genuinely “And I mean that. If you wanna talk or anything just…” “I will, thanks Lissy.”

There was a moment’s pause and Fliss could tell Frank was inwardly cursing himself for the slip of his tongue, using the nickname her dad had for her. But instead of correcting him she simply smiled, because, if she was honest, she kinda liked hearing it from him.

“Anytime, have a good evening.” “You too.”

He climbed into his truck and watched as she headed back to the yard, looking back once with a smile.

“Roberta says you and Fliss would make a great couple.” Mary said and Frank jolted slightly and looked at her.

“What?” he spluttered “Why would…”

“She says you just need to grow up and see what’s in front of you.” Mary shrugged and sat back in the seat.

“Well I say Roberta just needs to shut up.” Frank shook his head as he put the truck into gear “Jesus Christ.”

@the-omni-princess  @momobaby227 @geekofmanythings16 @angelofhell-666 @thewackywriter @marvelfansworld  @cobalt-gear  @asgardlover75 @jennmurawski13  @jtargaryen18 @saiyanprincessswanie  @navispalace @patzammit  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @djeniiscorner  @ayamenimthiriel  @coldmuffinbanditshoe  @disneylovingal @madzmilllz  @sgtjaamesbaarnes @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @southerngracela @goldenfightergir @kellymat @official-and-unstable-satan​ @icanfeelastormbrewing 

[jewishzevran]

look upon the Light so you may lead others here through the darkness

After the Herald of Andraste has some choice words for him, Cullen and Leliana have a talk about faith. [ao3]

A/N: I originally published a different version of this, which was less specific to my canon and took place in Leliana’s quarters. I have deleted it, but kept the title of the piece for the update. I like this version a lot better.

The Herald frowned at Cullen, and spoke with a tone that he couldn't quite place. "But... the Templars have served the Chantry for ages.”

“And in that time, they’ve come to take the Order’s services for granted–" Before he could continue, the Herald made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes, before turning and walking away. 

"Wait where are you going? What's the matter?"  

She wheeled on him. "Seriously? After everything, that's your reason for leaving?"

"You're a Dalish elf, what do you know of the chantry?"

The Herald blinked, and her mouth curled into a snarl as her hands balled into shaky fists. She crossed back to Cullen and stood inches from him, her anger letting her tower over him despite her stature.

"How dare you. Are you so selfish and blind that you don't think it affects us? You think we were all born out of holes in the ground completely isolated? I grew up in Kirkwall. I know plenty of the Chantry, and their supposed peacekeepers. What do I know of the Chantry? What do you know of peace? You wield fear and cruelty like a slavemaster cracks a whip and expect your charges to survive unscathed? If you cage a dog and beat it for years how can you be surprised when it bites? And your "harrowings?" You take young mages, barely old enough to be adults and send them into the Fade with no warning, no training, no advice and expect them to fight demons? If they fail, you kill them, without so much as blinking. Do you write letters of condolences to their families? Do you even remember their names? And if you decide that one of them isn’t fit for the trial, you hold them down and forcibly remove their emotions! Have you not once considered how abhorrent the idea of a tranquil actually is? How egregious threatening people with psychological torture is? And don’t even try to justify it with “it’s for their own good”, whose good? I've heard stories that some poor families promise their children to the Order from BIRTH. Preying on poor and vulnerable families so their children can be groomed to hate an entire subset of the population? Discouraging circle mages from having relationships in case they have mage children? Any children born regardless are ripped from their mothers and given to a chantry orphanage to raise and then recruit as Templars. The most frequent cause of death in circles is suicide, did you know that? Do you care? I had friends in Kirkwall that were raped and beaten, and it doesn’t matter that you didn’t personally participate, you were silent while others systematically abused their charges. The Chantry doesn’t make peacekeepers or protectors. It makes soldiers. You say Anders started a war, but you never even thought about the alternatives. It wasn’t ‘start a war or maintain peace’ it was ‘rebel or spend a lifetime in slavery and enduring abuse at the hands of our oppressors’!  And you would kiss their feet in servitude."

She stalked off, then turned round, stalked back and punched him square in the jaw, with a resounding crunch. The force of the blow sent him staggering back several paces. 

"What do I know of the Chantry, shemlen? I know they massacred my entire people in the name of your God. Andraste spit on your skills being taken for granted. You want to be part of the Inquisition? To work side by side with mages? You need to do a lot of fucking soul searching about why you're really here, Commander Rutherford."

The Herald was crying as she walked away, wiping angry tears from her eyes.  Cullen was left standing dumbstruck. He spent several minutes quietly fuming. 

Maker, she can throw a punch.

His jaw was going to bruise and he could feel it. Then he started thinking about what she said and every angry word attached itself to a memory. He headed to the training grounds. Sword drills would hopefully clear his thoughts.

What do you know of peace?

He thought back to Kinloch. To the words he spoke to Nina Cousland. He begged her to slaughter anyone she saw in case they were possessed.

He thought about psychological torture and the screams and pleas of mages undergoing the Rite of Tranquility being abruptly cut off as that blankness took over their faces. 

He thought about his lessons as a boy, the pride in his teachers' voices as they spoke of the glory of the Exalted Marches and never used words like "massacre" or "genocide". How the elves deserved it. How it was their fault for being savages that denounced Andraste. 

He thought of the mothers who cried and begged when their children were taken to Circles. He thought of the mages that had panic attacks before their harrowing. He thought of the mages he'd personally seen use blood magic or turn into abominations - the mages he then helped kill.

For the first time in his life, he realised that in the moment before they cut their veins open or let a demon burst forth from their chests, every last one of those mages wore the same expression.

Fear. Desperation. Pain.

He remembered one young woman who had run away from the circle because her mother was dying. They'd tracked her down in a barn. She backed into a corner begging them not to take her. There were five of them surrounding her in full armor, and she was alone. Unarmed. 

"Blessed are they who stand before The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter."

He remembered repeating those lines to himself when he was fighting mages. When he was killing them. He felt sick.

"Commander? Are you alright?" 

He blinked, coming back into focus, and realised the dummy in front of him had no head anymore.

"Excuse me," he muttered, and walked briskly to his cabin.

He once visited a prison on templar business. He realised it didn't feel any different to the circle.

"Mages are dangerous. Any one of them can be corrupted." 

Those were the words spoken to him when he joined the order. The ones he repeated to himself over and over. Even here. Even at the Inquisition. He wasn't raised to do good. He was raised to kill mages. 

He once told Hawke that mages weren't people. Her sister was a mage. A Warden now, but–maker no wonder she looked at him with disgust.

"If you cage a dog and beat it for years how can you be surprised when it bites?"

He almost vomited as he remembered the Commander who calmly explained to him and all the other recruits that making a mage Tranquil was like neutering a feral dog - unpleasant, but necessary to tame it.

He remembered someone at Kinloch telling him how some of the Templars left books about blood magic around deliberately so they could apprehend anyone that read them.

He remembered a mage being beaten in Kirkwall screaming in pain and using the blood on the whip to conjure a protective shield around herself. Which they broke through. And killed her.

How did he spend so long utterly convinced that he was doing the Maker's work, when all he did was cause pain and violence? How did he convince himself he was in the right? 

Mistress Lavellan was not the first person to shout at him about this. Maker knows Hawke did it enough. What's different? What's chang–

The lyrium.

He staggered in his pacing around the room, almost falling over as his eyes went to the pile of belongings in the corner that the box he'd had since he was 18 lay at the bottom of. 

The first time he'd taken lyrium he'd hated it, it was disgusting - he remembers his friend Pip vomiting, asking if he had to take it, and the furious Commander threatening to beat him for insubordination.

Do we even need it? Is it even necessary? 

His thoughts turned to Alistair. Oh Maker. He'd never really thought about it, but Alistair left for the Wardens before he took his vows. He’d never taken lyrium, and Alistair could use his Templar abilities without it. He'd seen it. At Kinloch.

Cullen roared in anger and threw a glass at the wall where it shattered.

Lies. His whole life, his whole belief system was built on lies. He'd caused so much pain. So much evil, and he’d never once questioned it. 

How did he even begin to undo his wrongs? He could ask for forgiveness from Andraste, from the Maker, but what good did that do in the here and now?

There was a knock at the door.

"Not now!" 

"Bur sir, you asked for this report as soon–"

"I said NOT NOW!!"

The poor scout scurried away. A minute or two later, a familiar voice sounded outside, accompanied by a gentler knock. 

"Cullen, it's Leliana. Can I come in?"

"Fine." He tried to spit the word but his voice broke, betraying him. He didn't look up as she slipped inside.

"You're bleeding, Cullen." She gestured to her mouth, and Cullen mirrored her. 

Oh. Mistress Lavellan must have split my lip.

"I, ah, had a run-in with the Herald. It probably looks worse than it is."

"Let me–"

"No! I deserve it."

Leliana arched an eyebrow. She glanced deliberately at the shattered glass on the floor and then back to him. "Is there something you'd like to talk about, Cullen?"

"You have far better things to do with your time," he mumbled, turning away, but she grabbed his chin and made him look at her.

"That is not what I asked."

"I am a grown man Leliana, I can–"

"What? Self-flagellate in isolation and bottle up your emotions until they fester?"

Tears pricked in his eyes. He couldn't meet her gaze. 

"I understand not wanting to burden others with your feelings, Cullen, but shutting yourself away helps no one, least of all yourself. How is it better to break things and shout at our scouts through doors once you can't keep a handle on yourself any more?"

His cheeks burned with shame. He started to shake, the compassion in her voice stabbing through him deeper than any sword could.

She frowned a little. "Would you like me to pray with you?"

Cullen couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that burst out at that. As if prayer could fix what he was. What he'd done.

"Sit. Now." Cullen knew better than to ignore the authority in her voice, and as he collapsed into a chair, Leliana knelt in front of him, and tucked a stray curl behind his ear. Her face was dark with worry. She reminded him of Mia.

"Talk to me Cullen. Tell me what's wrong."

"Everything!" He shouted, unable to stop the tears that started falling from his eyes. "She was right! She stood there and shouted and wept and said the word Templar like it was poison and she was right! I killed innocent people because the Chantry told me my whole life that it was my duty to do so! I helped torture and murder children! And it took someone punching me in the face and calling me an idiot to make me even realise that that was wrong! If the Chantry is what the Maker truly wants then I want no longer want any party in it!"

Leliana took his hands. "And if the Chantry is not what the Maker wants?"

"Isn't it?" Cullen retorted bitterly, pulling his hands away. 

"Has He personally told you it is?" She was watching him calmly, as though his whole world wasn't spiralling into the abyss, and he wanted to scream.

"The Chantry speaks the word of the Maker. Everything they do is in His Name."

"That doesn't mean they are right."

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration, and stood, beginning to pace again. "Pray tell, then Leliana. What IS His will, hm? What DOES the Maker want? Did He put me on earth just to suffer? Is this my Trial? Am I failing?"

"The Maker does not make you suffer, Cullen. That is the fault of men."

"Stop being so cryptic!" He was shouting now, he could hear his voice getting louder and louder, and his face going red with anger and grief. "The Chantry speak for the Maker. They are His Church!"

"The Maker did not pick up a pen and write the Chant himself!" Leliana raised her voice too, standing defiantly in front of him. "He did not make the circles, or the Templars. Humans are fallible Cullen. They make mistakes, and words and intentions can be twisted!"

"But-"

"Who is your God, Cullen? Is it the Maker? Or is it The Chantry?"

The question stunned him into silence. His ears rang and he actually staggered backwards under the force with which the implications hit him. For what felt like an eternity, there was only silence, and his own ragged breathing as everything he ever learned fell apart and reformed into something new.

He stared at Leliana in wild disbelief, and she nodded, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips.

The Chantry and the Maker were not the same.

...the Chantry was wrong.

The Chantry was wrong.

The Chantry could be wrong. And he could still follow the Maker. 

Except.... Could he?

"Leliana..."

She waited patiently.

"How can I ever follow the Maker when I did such evil in his name?"

"I will be blunt, Cullen. There will be people that will never forgive you. Nor do they have any obligation to do so. But that should not stop you. It is never too late to change, or to start anew. True faith comes from action. Be vocal. Be compassionate. Treat mages with kindness and trust, but understand why they might not want it. You keep saying you are not the man you were in Kirkwall? Prove it. Repentance is hard, and will make you uncomfortable. You must work for it, and keep working for it. Remember it is not a goal, but a constant journey."

The words settled over him like a weighted blanket - heavy, but somehow comforting despite the solemnity of the moment.

"Thank you." He hesitated for a moment, staring at the ground, still wiping away the last of his tears. "...will you pray with me?" he asked quietly. "Not the Chant, just -"

"Of course."

Praying in silence was different. He was so used to speaking the words of the Chant and feeling them flow through him. Still, despite the quiet, it made the air in the cabin warm and light.

He felt a calm begin to settle inside him in the wake of his turmoil. He still had questions, and doubts, and guilt... but for the first time in far too long, he also had hope. He wanted to see the Herald and apologise. But that could wait. 

Leliana kissed his head and said " I'll tell everyone you are feeling unwell and you're not to be disturbed. Take some time to yourself. Rest. Start fresh tomorrow. When you want to talk about this some more, you know where to find me."

As she left, she smiled back at him. "Andraste watch over you, Commander."

It was a surprise that his returning smile came so naturally. "And you, Leliana."

[avengerscompound]

That Kid You Knew - 1

That Kid You Knew: An Iron Man Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ @iron-man-bingo Square:  One Night Stand

Warning:  Drug use, Smut (F|M, oral sex, vaginal sex), mentions of unplanned pregnancy

Word Count:  4021

Pairing:  Tony Stark x F!Reader

Summary:  You had grown up knowing Tony Stark but as you’d gotten older you’d lost track of him.  When you see him at a party you have a drug-fueled one-night-stand with him.

10 years later he finds you again and has to come to terms with the fact he’s been a father all the time.

A/N:  This is a remix of an old fic of mine that will hit about 6 of my fills for the @iron-man-bingo, including remix of a fic.  Which is why I’m remixing it in the first place.  If you have read my fic Boy Next Door you’ll recognize this.  The differences will get more obvious as you go on.

Chapter 1

The way the drugs coursed through your system made your pulse race and your mind fuzzy at the edges.  Everything felt so good and looked so good.  You just wanted to touch everything.  As you looked around the room the lights danced on the walls drawing your attention.  It was like being in a dream.

You saw Tony walk into the room.  God, you’d known that man for so long now you couldn’t remember a time pre-Tony.  Your father had worked closely with Howard at Stark Industries, meaning that any company picnic or weekend business meeting, Tony was there with you.  He had been in the same class at school as your oldest brother and had been the same age as your sister.  He’d come to your house after school and pretend to do homework when really he was just taking a break from being a Stark.  You had always gotten on well.  He was a bit of a shit but nice enough.  He’d also always seen you as a kid so that was that.  He was just this kid you had grown up with.

When his dad died you’d been at the funeral.  You hadn’t been surprised that he stepped up as the CEO of the company.  You also hadn’t been surprised that he was still the playboy he had been since he hit puberty.  He’d started drinking young and you sometimes worried it would be the drinking that took him out in the end too.

You hadn’t seen him since the funeral and the past ten years he seemed to be circling the drain.  Stark Industries was still trading well.  He definitely seemed to be inventing the kinds of things the government wanted.  But with all the rumors of women and drugs and gambling on top of the weapons building, you wondered what happened to the Tony Stark you had grown up with.

Only now, you weren’t so sure.  You were surprised he was even here to be honest.  It was just some stupid unofficial high school reunion thing where some people were in town and they had just invited other people who were in town and no one was from the same class or the same age and everyone had thought it would be funny to get a keg and then drugs had been bought and even though you were all supposed to be ‘responsible adults’ you were acting like a bunch of teenagers.  The Tony Stark shouldn’t be at a party like that.  He was big time.  The rest of you were just the rabble.

He seemed so casual though.  He was definitely high.  Shit, so were you, so you couldn’t judge.  He had a suit jacket over a t-shirt with David Bowie on it.  The sunglasses he had on, despite it being dark inside, looked expensive whereas the converse he’d matched with his dress pants were the standard kind you could get for thirty bucks.  It was the Tony you remembered when you were kids, only now he was in his early thirties.

He looked good too.  Fit and well groomed.  You could see exactly what every woman who had ever slept with him must have seen.  There was a charm to him.  A kind of magnetism that drew you in.  You could almost see the threads tugging at you, calling you to him.

You got up off the couch from within the pile of people who were all just snuggled in together watching the lights and you approached him.  The music had a deep bass that traveled up your spine and you couldn’t help but move with it.  You weaved your way through the group gathered around Tony and smiled at him.  “Hey, Tony,” you almost sang in greeting.

“Oh, hey!”  He said warmly, pulling you against him in a tight hug.  He rubbed his cheek against yours.  His beard rubbed against your skin, scratching in that delicious way that sent a tingled through to the back of your head.  You reached up and ran your fingers along his jaw, scratching softly at his beard.  He almost purred as you did.  A deep rumble forming at the back of his throat.  “I haven’t seen you in forever.  How have you been?”

He asked all this against your ear and didn’t pull away when he was finished talking.  He just kept rubbing his face on you and his hands slid over your back.  You hummed and closed your eyes.  When did he get such great hands?  And how did he smell so good?

“I’ve been good.  Work mostly.  Normal stuff.  Not like you.”  You answered, pulling your body up close to his.  He felt hot and you couldn’t stop touching his face.

He laughed.  “No.  I haven’t been doing normal stuff.”

He pulled back and took off his glasses, looking into your eyes with his head tilted.  His pupils were dilated and he smiled.  You licked your lips and he leaned in and kissed you.  It was slow and deep.  His beard tickled your lips as you sucked on his soft bottom lip.  He pulled back, his teeth tugging at your bottom lip.  “Fuck,”  He sighed.  “That felt good.”

Your eyes felt heavy and you nodded.  “You’re good at it.”

He kissed you again.  This time as his lips caressed yours, his hands slid down to your ass and he gripped it.  His tongue slipped into your mouth and you could taste the Scotch he’d been drinking.  You moaned and moved in closer to him, pushing a leg between his.  His hands slipped under your skirt and teased at the elastic of your panties.  You had this far off, distant feeling that that should bother you.  It didn’t bother you.  His hands felt good and you could care less if everyone in the room could see your ass.

He kissed you for so long that the lack of oxygen began to add to the high you were already experiencing.  When he finally broke away, you felt light headed and your lips felt scratchy and slightly numb.

“Shall we go somewhere private?”   He said looking into your eyes.  You felt yourself getting lost in them.  They looked soft and warm but also full of lust.  You ran your thumb along the sharp line of his jaw and he licked his lips.

You nodded and swallowed hard.  Your mouth was dry and you couldn’t tell if that was just the drugs or because you knew what was about to happen.

“Where?”  He asked.

You pulled him upstairs and found an empty guest room.  It took a few tries.  Apparently you and Tony weren’t the only ones to have the idea.

Tony was on you as soon as the door was closed, kissing and pawing at you.  You pulled off each other’s clothes.  There was nothing coordinated or sexy about it.  You both kept stumbling and knocking into each other, until finally, you both fell onto the bed completely naked, except for your socks.

You stroked his dick and the urge to have it in your mouth took you over.  You pushed him back and lapped up the length of his already hard cock.  You traced your tongue over the veins and ridges and he moaned and fisted his hand in your hair as you took him into your mouth.

“Oh, fuck.”  He groaned.  “God, that feels so good.”

You took him deep into the back of your throat and hollowed your cheeks.  He leaked precome over your tongue and you hummed as the salty liquid coated your tastebuds.  There was something about the drugs, or maybe it was just him, but he tasted so good and you loved the way his shaft felt against your tongue.

“Should this be weird?  It doesn’t feel weird, but I feel like it should, don’t you think?”  He murmured.  You looked up at him.  He had his eyes fixed on you, watching as you bobbed up and down on his cock.  You laughed a little and continued to suck.  It doesn’t feel weird to you either, though you could see why it might feel like it should.  You were a little kid when you first met him.  Flicking that switch to say you weren’t might be a little strange even if that had been over twenty years ago.

He started to pant.  You gazed up at him and watched as his abs kept contracting and releasing and his chest rose and fell.  The deep guttural groan he made was pornographic and made your cunt flood.

“Oh, fuck!”  He gasped.  “Stop.  Please.  I want to fuck you.  I bet it feels so good to be deep in your pussy.”

You released his cock and crawled up his body, sliding against him.  “You sound like a bad porn movie.”

“I better fix that.”  He growled and rolled you both over.  “We’ll make it a good porn movie.”

You both started giggling and he brought his lips to yours.  Your pulse raced and your heart felt like it was trying to escape from your chest.  His fingers went to your pussy, finding you soaked and ready for him.  He pulled his hand away and put his fingers in his mouth.  “Fuck.”  He groaned.  He looked down at your pussy and licked his lips.

His fingers returned and he pushed two inside you and curled them, drawing out more of your fluids as he stroked them along your internal walls.  You groaned and pushed up against his hand, whimpering as he removed his fingers and put them in his mouth again and sucked them clean.

He hummed to himself and sat there, looking off into the distance as he sucked his fingers.

“Tony?”   You said, waking him from his reverie.

“Sorry,”  He said with a chuckle, shaking his head like he was trying to snap himself out of it.

He lined his cock against your entrance and sunk in.  You moaned as he gradually filled you.  He started to kiss you, slowly and deeply, his hips rolling against you.  His cock slides in and out of your cunt, creating a pleasant friction.

He pulled back a little and looked down at you as he continued to move.  “You feel that?  How connected we are?  Feels right.”  He murmured.  His voice was deep and gravelly like he’d just been pulled from sleep.  “This is what it should be like.”

You do feel connected to him.  To everything.  Like the world is one big organism and you and Tony were the nucleus.  Tony moved to his knees in one fluid motion and pulled you into his lap, his cock remaining buried deep inside you.

He started kissing you again, but his mouth didn’t remain on yours.  It roamed.  Kissing your throat.  Sucking on your breasts.  You wrapped your legs around his back and leaned back, letting him hold you in place as he thrust up into you.

“Oh, fuck.  Tony.  You feel so good.”  You moaned and began to finger your clit.  Tony dragged his teeth over your nipples.  Your core clenched and you came.  Not hard.  Just a wave of pleasure washing over you and taking you over.  Your cunt pulsed around Tony’s cock and he emptied inside you with a deep, low moan.

You both just stayed like that for a while.  Wrapped around each other.  Your head resting on his shoulder and his pressed into your neck.

Eventually, you slid off his lap and in some unspoken understanding, you both got dressed.  He turned to you before you both left the room.  “Do you have someone to be with when you come down?”  He asked.

“Yeah,”  You said.  “Beth and I talked each other into getting high.  I’m going to crash at her place.”  You said.

Tony nodded and kissed you softly.  “Good.  This was good. It was really nice seeing you.”

“Mom!  Are you home?  Where are you?”  You look up startled from your computer.  The sound of your son’s voice carried through your apartment.  He was home too early and you stood up quickly and went to the door, worried something had happened.

That night with Tony had been 10 years ago.  The high had lasted a week in the end.  You had a whole week of feeling loving and invulnerable and just pleased with the life choices you had been making.  Then you had crashed and it had been a doozy.  You cried for a full day.  Beth had actually slept in your bed that night because she had been worried that you might hurt yourself.  After that, you’d never taken recreational drugs again.  The high was nice, but it wasn’t worth the crash.

The next day, as you started to level out, was when you had realized what had happened.  You had slept with Tony Stark and not used protection at all.  By the time you had that epiphany, it was too late.  You were pregnant.  Pregnant to the kid who had always been around at your house.  The son of the guy your dad worked for.  The guy who was well and truly lost in the playboy lifestyle.  You were sure he wouldn’t give a shit about you, the back or what you wanted.

So you told no one.

You had your baby alone.  You’d stayed in New York because Tony was in LA.  There was no reason to try and avoid him, he didn’t really travel in your circles anymore.  You raised Owen alone and started your new life as a single parent.

It was hard.  Being a single mother was hard.  You did it though.  You were smart and you had an education.  You found a job you loved and was supportive of your situation.  Owen grew and started school.  People would ask you who his father was, but no one had guessed.  Why would they?  Tony Stark was not a part of your life.  He was just some rich guy you had known way back when.  Even though Owen was brilliant and witty and sarcastic.  Even though he was almost a little clone of his father.  Not one person suspected at all.

“Owen?”  You called.

Owen ran down the hall and crashed into you hugging you and then tugging on your hand.  “Oh my god, mom.  You won’t believe it.  We had our science fair today.  And I won.  But guess who the judge was?”

He dragged you into the living room and you stopped dead.  It felt like your heart had stopped.  Or maybe it was time itself.  Tony Stark was standing in your living room holding one of your framed photos in his hand and looking at it.  He looked up at you over the red-lensed sunglasses he was wearing and put it down on the shelf.

“It’s Tony Stark, mom!   He drove me home.  Said he wanted to meet you!”  Owen said.

“Owen!  You just got in a car with a complete stranger?”  You said.  There were so many emotions running through you right now you felt like you were about to vomit.  You couldn’t believe Owen would just get into a car with someone he didn’t know.   The fact that the person was his dad just made the whole matter worse.

“It’s okay.  We spoke to the principle.  I had my security.  It was all cleared.”  Tony said.  “Besides, we’re not strangers, are we?”

Owen looked from you to Tony and then back again.  “You know Tony Stark?”  He asked you.

“Yeah, we knew each other when we were kids,”  Tony answered.

“What!?”  Owen said looking awestruck.  “You never told me that!”

“It’s been a while,”  Tony said.  “About ten years right?”

“What… what… how… why are you here?”  You stuttered.

“You want to maybe have a coffee and catch up?”  Tony asked.

You nodded just once and he comes over to you.  “Owen, get started on your homework please.”

“Aww, mom. I wanted to talk to Mr. Stark.”  Owen complained.

“You can.  Soon.  Just…”  You stuttered.

“Let us catch up first, pal.  I’ll help you with your homework after.”  Tony said.

You followed him into the kitchen.  It felt like there was too much gravity.  That it was pulling you down into the ground.  Every step you took was a struggle.  You step into the kitchen and closed the door behind you.

Tony took the coffee pot off its burner and rinsed it out.  “So.  I was at this science fair.  It was last minute.  They were going to get Bill Nye but he got sick.  I was at the tower and my publicist called me.  It was my old school so I thought, why not?  Would be fun to see the little potato batteries.”

He filled the pot with water and then emptied it into the machine’s tank.  He started looking through your cupboards for filters.  “So I’m going down the aisle and this kid has made an exoskeleton glove that has biometric sensors.  He’s nine-years-old and doing college-level engineering.”

He finally found the filters and set up the coffee pot, going to your freezer and getting out the coffee, and adding in a few spoons.  When he turned the machine on he turned to you and leaned back against the bench.  “So I’m talking to this kid and he tells me he was raised by his mom.  He tells me her name.  And I’m like… I know someone by that name.  Shit.  I had a one night stand with someone by that name.  I have my AI look it up for me.  Low and behold, it’s not some coincidence.  It is you.  You have a son.  Owen.  No father listed on the birth certificate.  So at this point, I’m just trying to stay calm.  I mean, just because we had unprotected sex 10 years ago once, that doesn’t mean anything.  Maybe you did that a lot back then.  I mean, it wasn’t exactly hard to talk you into it.”

“Hypocrite,”  You hissed.

Tony laughed and ran his hand through his hair.  “No judgment.  I’m actually hoping that maybe you did sleep with a bunch of people, to be honest.”  He said, glancing at the kitchen door.  “He’s mine though isn’t he?”

You looked down at your feet and gave a small nod.  “Yes.”

“And what?  You were just never going to tell me?  Are you fucking kidding me right now?”  He kept his voice quiet, but you could tell he was furious.  Pure fury dripped from every single word.

You looked up at him.  He was still as handsome as you remembered him.  You had intentionally been trying to avoid all news about him.  Much to Owen’s annoyance.  He was a science kid and he loved the Avengers.  He wanted to go into the city and look at the monument for the battle of New York.  To have a tour of Avengers Tower.  To see if he could spot his favorite heroes.

His hair was lighter than you remembered and getting a little gray in it.  His eyes were more wrinkled at the corners.  But he still dressed the same and kept his beard as immaculately trimmed.  Cleaning himself up and becoming Iron Man had just made him be the guy he’d meant to be.  It hadn’t changed the core Tony Stark.

You swallowed hard.  “You’re telling me, that that guy back then.  The guy who was high and always drunk.  The guy who slept his way through all the Maxim cover models.  Who was well known for partying and sleeping around.  Who drove his car into someone’s pool.  That guy wouldn’t have just thrown a wad of cash at me and told me to get an abortion?”

He flinched like you’d slapped him in the face.  “What the fuck?  I know we were never really close, but I thought you’d have a little more faith in me than that.”

You shook your head.  “Hey, if I hadn’t gotten pregnant to some guy who was completely off his face.  Some guy who fucked me and left immediately.  I might have thought that too.  But I did.”

He drew himself up straight and strode over to you, leaning in close.  “You were off your face on drugs too, if I remember right.  You fucked me.  And then you left too.  Yet, here you are with a nine-year-old son and all your shit together.  You could have at least given me an option.”  He snarled.

“So what?  What would you have done, Tony?”  You snapped, trying to keep your voice down so that Owen couldn’t hear you.  “Think back to who you were then.  Tony Stark.  Billionaire, playboy.  Different girl every week.  Flying off to sell your weapons or go to parties.  In the paper for something or other, you’d been caught doing every other week.  You get some girl you knew as a kid pregnant in a drugged up one-night-stand.  She somehow gets in contact with you.  Goes to your publicist or something, who the fuck knows.  She says, ‘Hey man, you knocked me up.  I’m keeping it.’  What do you do?”

He leaned back against the bench again and took off his glasses, wiping the lenses on his t-shirt.  As he did he looked at the kitchen door to where your son is doing his homework.  His son.

“I wouldn’t have believed you.  I would have assumed you were like every other chick who has said I got her pregnant and was lying about it.  I would have demanded a DNA test.  When I knew for sure that kid was mine… I would have wanted to be a part of this.”  He growled the last part and for a moment you were actually terrified of him.  “How dare you take that decision away from me?”

You sighed and went to the door looking in at Owen.  He was sitting on the floor at the coffee table.  The TV was on playing some YouTuber he likes while he goes over his homework, filling out the worksheet like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

It had been hard.  Owen had asked who his dad was.  A lot.  You had never really known what to say.  You always just told him that he was a nice man who was not around because he couldn’t be.  He would hate you for lying to him this whole time.

You closed the door and turned back to Tony.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry, okay?”  You groaned.  “I was alone and scared.  I didn’t want him to grow up with that life you were living.  I didn’t want to give you the option to reject him either.  That would have been worse.  If I came to you and said, ‘here’s your son’ and you’d told me to fuck off and that you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

Tony put his glasses in his pocket and approached you.  He pushed a stray lock of hair from your face and you looked up into his eyes.  “You’ve done a really good job.  He’s a really smart kid.  And sweet.  His project was amazing and when he spoke about it he was so excited and friendly and funny.  You’ve done a really good job raising him.”

“Thank you.”  You said as tears pricked your eyes.

“So.  Now what?”  He asked.

You took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.  This was the moment.  This was where all three of your lives could drastically change and the decision you made was going to be whether it was for the better or for the worse.

“Do you want me to introduce you?  I mean… as his dad?”  You asked.

Tony took his glasses back out of his pocket, unfolded them, went to put them back on.  Stopped.  Then folded them up again and put them in his pocket.  “Yes.  If that’s okay.  Shit.  This day took a turn I was not prepared for.”

You took his hand and gave it a squeeze.  “If you need more time.  I can always start preparing him.  I doubt he’s expecting to meet his dad today either.”

Tony looked at you, his eyes soft and a little scared.  “I think it’s been long enough.”  He linked his fingers with yours and you led him back into the living room.

// NEXT

[pamgkrthwrites]

Vent Writing : Daddy Issues, a OC Underfell story

So I’ve been scrolling YouTube lately and I found this neat song called “Not Your Seed” from the “I Don’t Like Musicals” Musical... Huh... ANYWAY!

So I was listening to it and with my dad leaving my mum, I started to imagine the song in a Underfell setting with my persona. So here is a little story of what that scene I made up in my head. No need to read, just some personal writing to let of some steam. 

There is no monsters, this is based before they are let out. The characters are Mother Pamgkrth, Father Pamgkrth, Daniel Pamgkrth, Anne Pamgkrth(me), James Pamgkrth and Shannon McApplebees. 

“Daddy?” Anne had opened the to see her father standing at the front door of her mother large cabin. 

Anne had her long blonde messy yet brushed hair out, red jersey with golden strips, black jeans, black thick army boots, black eyeliner and deep red lipstick on. 

Behind her was her mother, older brother Daniel, younger brother James and best friend Shannon. Anne’s mother looked like her, just a bit taller, grey shorter and messier hair, and chubby. Dan had his curly brown hair shaved off but wore full black leader besides the red top under his jacket. James had short blonde hair and wore a big thick red jumper with white strips. Shannon had dark brown hair, pale white skin, black jumper with red strips, and black eye liner and lipstick.

“Anne,” Her father greeted and a frown. “Are you ready to go?”

Anne’s father didn’t change. He had the same brown hair as Dan, and also wore leather. However, unlike Dan, he didn’t stay around for Anne.

“... I’ll be right back.” Anne said the house hold member, before she stepped outside and closed the front door. 

“Great, lets get going.” Her fatehr turned and started walking towards his black car. “We will be late to meet her if we waste more time.”

“... Daddy I’m not going.”

Anne’s father stopped, and he turned around. “What?”

“I’m not going to meet your new girlfriend.”

“Your mother just told you not come is that it? Stop letting your mother control you, Anne!” He yelled. 

“Mummy doesn’t control me.” Anne sighed out. 

“Oh, so why does she get more time with you than me then huh? I just want you, my daughter, to meet-”

Anne interrupted, “I’m not your daughter anymore.”

“Excuse me?!”

“I’m not that tween you that you drove here for. Maybe at 11 I would have gone with you... Maybe even a couple of months ago... But I can’t. I’m not your daughter anymore.”

“Anne, what are you going on about? Did she over take your body and mind with some gross interpretation of me?” He asked yet yelled.

“Daddy... I’m not supporting you with your divorce of Mum.”

He glared and trusted his arms into the arm and turned around. “First your bothers, now you?! What has that bitch said about me-”

“You left me out of your sight for one second, and look what happens, NIGHTMARE TIME!” Anne yelled at him, glaring up at her father. 

He snapped his body around. “Don’t talk to me that way-”

“You left us! You left for work and never called us! You would have rather spent your days working then even SEEING YOUR KIDS! I can’t say this for Dan, but I know for me and James, you have NOT been here for our teenagers years! You only EVER focused on work! Then, out of nowhere, you decided to divorce mum!” Anne yelled, tears threatening to leave her eyes. “You didn’t tell us, she did! That was TWO YEARS AGO! How could you not tell us? How could you not see us for 5 years then decided this family wasn’t for you? You only started to see us again these past two years because we grew up with mum and prefer her! Maybe, if you even knew our mental state, we would choose you!”

“Oh good god, Anne.” He glared and rubbed his eyebrows. “You do not have depression.”

“it’s worse than you can even imagine!” Anne yelled. “I have attachment disorder, I have PTSD, I have anxiety, and yes, I have depression! You want to know what caused that? Not sex, not drugs, not a alien that invades minds. Just a pedo grooming me at 14 when my father wasn’t in my fucking life!” Anne yelled and tears rolled down her father.

Anne was so glad they lived in a cabin in the middle of some woods, with no one around. She wouldn’t be able to say that.

Her father was speechless. He didn’t know how to respond. 

“That was 3 years ago dad! 3 FUCKING YEARS!” More tears left her eyes, and they stung from her make up. “No, am not your daughter; because you were NEVER there for me! No, I will not meet your girlfriend; because she drove you away from this family! No more family vacays together; because your only daughter under the weather! Huh, and only if you paid more attention to me...”

There was a long pause between the two. 

“Anne... I understand you are having a hard time right now with your mother, but you are MY daughter too. I deserve to see my daughter. Even if you don’t want that. I you SHOULD meet your new mother.”

“You see, daddy, I’m not going to be pushed around, by you!” She glared up at him. “I am not your seed, I am a girl who happens to be you biological daughter. I’m not a angsty teen, I have actual issues which you keep ignoring! No matter what you believe, mummy doesn’t control me, she doesn’t abuse me. She never fucking left me! Maybe in my cause, I was the apple that fell far away from the tree, but you didn’t fall at all when it came to your family.”

Anne’s father’s eyes grew red with a wave of rage magic. “HOW DARE YOU! You don’t know anything you are talking about!”

“Your own father cheated on you mum, like you! Your own father left you and your mother to be with his girlfriend, like you! Unlike you, my mother actually fucking stayed!”

“I am not like my father, you brat!” He yelled.

“It’s not my fault, is it?! You haven’t lived with me for the past 7 years of my life! It’s not my fault you left us, left me! I don’t have to worry about you and wait for you to even text me!” Anne had more tears run down her cheeks. 

More tears ran down Anne’s cheeks, more and more. She was letting out all the pain and hurt she felt for the past two months. Anne heard heard the door open and heard people walk in towards them. Anne glared back up at her father, unable to see him with her tears in her eyes. 

“Did you know I wanted to live with you?” Anne whispered. “I wanted to forgive you, I wanted to be loved by you, I wanted to be your daughter... But you proved yourself... You showed me what you are really like.”

Anne could tell her father was about to speak, but then a hand land on her shoulder. Anne looked up and saw Shannon’s face. 

“You showed everyone in this family how horrible you are as a parent! You want to be with your kids, then you should fight for them, and that doesn’t mean kicking them out of the house their mother paid for!”

Anne’s father was speechless. Shannon never once talked to him, so hearing this child that was made out of skin and bone talk to him made him angry. 

“Your just like her, aren't you? You like invading my kids’ minds just to toy with?” Anne’s mother mocked.

“Did you know mum let Shannon live her?” Anne questioned. “Maybe Shannon is invading my mind, but you want to know why? You want to know why Shannon has such influence on me? Because she has been here for me, for the past 5 years of my life. She is my most loyal friend. Even when our mutual hated me, she stayed. Unlike you, who loves his work over his own fucking kids.”

Her father was about to speak but then Anne’s brother came to her side and spoke.

“We aren’t your fucking kids!” Dan yelled. “You left when I was 16, but Anne was 11! What do you expect when you live your almost teenager daughter and come back when she is almost a adult!”

“We aren’t your perfect kids that you can bring to work lunches and claim its family bonding or that we are a tight family. You left when I was 9! Without you, I left alone and unwanted, and in turn I am what you call weak. Maybe if you were here, you could have raised us the way you wanted us to turn out!”

“I am fucking 17 dad!” Anne yelled, and he turned. “My 18th is in a month and half! And you want to take me to a fancy dinner to meet your girlfriend which you are leaving mummy for? I was a child when you left! And now you return and I’m almost a adult...”

More tears ran from Anne’s eyes, but all five of them glared up at her father. He was not welcomed. Anne wiped her checks and tied up her hair and started to braid it. No one spoke when she did that, her father was trying to find words and everyone there was getting ready for what he would say. When Anne finished, she reached for her back pocket and pulled out her pocket knife. 

“Why does it hurt to love you, daddy?” Anne said, looking at herself with the knife. “It causes me so much pain to love you, because you end up breaking my heart. Why does it hurt to know you hate me this much...”

His voice was soft. “Anne, I don’t hate you.”

“I’ll let you down one more time; I am not your daughter and I will not meet your girlfriend!” She looked up at him. She brought the knife to her stomach “The thing is, daddy, if I killed myself, you wouldn’t care or notice. You probably wouldn’t notice if anything changed about me unless I did it in front of you. That’s why it hurts to love you, because you don’t actually love me, do you?”

“Anne, I do love you, I am your fathe-”

“I am not your daughter!” Anne yelled. 

Anne held onto the end of her hair and pulled it straight up into the air. 

“I disown you as my father! And to prove that, I will change the one thing about me that has stayed the same since I was 2!”

Anne brought the life to the back of her head, where she tied off her hair.

“I refuse to ever, EVER, be your daughter ever again!”

Anne cut off her hair, glaring up at her father. 

“You are not my father, Mister.”

Anne dropped the knife and handed over her braided hair to her father. 

“This is what is left of your daughter, you can bring THAT to your fancy dinner.” Anne said with a stone cold voice. The fear in her father’s eyes pleased her. “Now, get off my land.”

The teens stood there, in front of house. Mister Pamgkrth stood there with his daughter hair in his hand. 

“I hope you are pleased with yourself...” He said in a sad voice. 

He turned around and got into his car. The teens did not move until he drove away, and they couldn’t see his car anymore.

Shannon rested her head onto Anne’s shoulder. “You did what needed to be done. It’s going to hurt, but you have been sadder with him.”

“You know what’s worse?” Anne asked.

“What?” James asked.

“I’m not sad he will never return, because I just... Never thought he would. I’m sad that he believed he stood a chance to change our minds about her.”

“What was her name anyway?” Shannon asked.

“His girlfriend? We don’t even know.” Dan replied. “And maybe, that’s for the best. She didn’t get a chance even by name to be our new mum.”

“No one can replace mummy.” Anne said with a smile. “She is going to be pissed about the hair.

All four of them laughed, and headed back inside.

[nightcoremoon]

ok so let's talk twilight. girl meets vampire. girl falls in love with vampire. vampire falls in love with girl. girl and vampire start dating. evil vampire wants to eat girl. vampire kills evil vampire.

new moon. vampire leaves girl. girl gets depressed. girl rebounds with werewolf. werewolf wants to fuck girl. werewolf realizes he's the rebound. werewolf leaves girl. girl seemingly attempts suicide. vampire learns about this and attempts suicide. girl goes to tell him she's not dead. vampire king gives a warning.

eclipse. vampire and girl are back together. evil vampire girlfriend wants revenge. evil vampire girlfriend makes evil vampire army. vampires and werewolves kill evil vampire and army. vampire king gives another warning. vampire marries girl.

breaking dawn. vampire and girl get married. and fuck. girl gets pregnant. baby will kill girl. but abortion is ~evil~. girl dies and gets turned into vampire. werewolf wants to fuck the baby vampire. vampire king shows up to kill the baby. it was a big misunderstanding lol. happily ever after except for the people who died.

that's the gist of things for anyone who doesn't remember.

ok so there's two groups of people. team edward, people who are satisfied with the canon. team jacob, people who say "fuck that, girl should be with werewolf instead". and many people on team jacob proceed to say that team edward all condone pedophilia and stalking and other terrible things. fandom wars happened. and in the end, most people moved on.

...

but not me.

now, I wasn't an obsessed super fan. I thought the first book was boring as shit until the second half. it took me a month to read the first half and three days to read the second half. I read the entire second in literally one day. the entire third in like 3 days. and the entire fourth in like 5. I watched all the movies in theaters. but none of this was by choice. my mom and my several sisters basically made me, but it was okay I guess. personally my fandom progression started with final fantasy 12. it moved into eragon, death note, jak and daxter, avatar the last airbender, invader zim, tales of symphonia, a dash of harry potter, sly cooper, my little pony friendship is magic, dead space, red vs blue, twokinds, resident evil, etc. I'm not in the twilight fandom by choice, but I know all the lore and trivia so fuck it. I might as well be.

I'm team edward.

I know what you're thinking. "but he's 100 years old trying to fuck a teenager! he watched her sleep! he almost killed her drinking her blood! he made her suicidal and depressed! he was super jealous and possessive whenever jacob was around! he broke her bones when they had sex! he impregated her with a monster baby that killed her! HE IS TEH EVILEST EVAR!!1"

let's take this one piece at a time.

1- he didn't try to fuck her. she tried to fuck him. but he said not until she's a full grown adult capable of making her own decisions, and not until marriage ~because premarital sex is wrong~

2- yeah watching her sleep was a little creepy but we can attribute that to stephenie meyer thought it was romantic because she's a dumb white mormon cultist

3- he is a VAMPIRE, and not by choice. and it was either suck the poison out of bella or let her become a vampire. which he didn't want to happen because ~being a vampire sucks 🥁~ so yeah he saved her life. and he managed to not drain her dry and kill her even though her blood is so goddamn delicious because she's a fucking mary sue

4- he didn't make her suicidal and depressed by leaving the country so she didn't get in any life threatening situations like being around jasper who has the self control of a fat kid in a twinkie factory. bella just took the breakup really really badly, and if someone reacts badly to a breakup, it's on THEM, not the other person. saying any differently is, what's the word, toxic and clingy. her emotional instability for plot is just indicative of the author's inherent misogyny (which makes sense, as dumbass mormon cultists are rife with the stuff)

5- he was not jealous and possessive. JACOB was the one who was toxic, since "that cold one will TAKE MY BELLA AWAY FROM ME". jacob wanted bella for himself because he had a crush on her since they were kids, and it was a super unhealthy obsession. edward could read his thoughts and was pissed; consider his backstory in hearing potential rapists' thoughts and killing them. but edward couldn't kill jacob because he was bella's friend. nothing more, though, and jacob fumed in his nice guy fedora

6- again, edward is a VAMPIRE, and a horny bastard at that, because he is a gentleman and therefore probably was a virgin too. he even told bella countless times that it would happen but bella thought it was #WORTH to get some of that hot vampire dick. I guess she's into some super kinky shit. no wonder 50 shades of grey made sense as a twilight fanfiction. anyway, bella seems to have fully consented, otherwise she's the world's most unreliable narrator.

7- the monster baby plot arc was propaganda against female bodily autonomy because "teh babby haz a SOUL and abortion is MURDER even tho she'll LITERALLY DIE otherwise but hey backwoods redneck mormon values are more important than the lives of women, right? anyway, ironically enough, he respected her bodily autonomy by not fixing the mistake he didn't think could happen (uterus vampires can't get pregnant but dick vampires can get other people pregnant? NANI, THE FUCK???) because bella didn't consent to him killing the fetus that was literally breaking her bones from inside since ~abortion is wrooOOoong~

and now, counterpoint.

...and counter-counterpoint.

"edward groomed bella" edward's main focus when she was 16 was to not kill her and drink the delicious cherry fanta, and his main focus at 17 was to make sure she didn't die and that nobody else killed her and drank her delicious cherry fanta, and only when she was a full ass adult was he like "alright fine you wanna marry me sooooo bad here's ur fuckin diamond ring". yeah they made out but like, consider that a FUCKING MORMON WROTE THIS BOOK. one can't fault a character for the dumbassery of the author. that's why in this house we stan james potter. and besides, a few years ago whilst playing truth or dare I at 21 was dared to kiss a 17 year old and I did- granted I didn't know he was 17 at the time but that doesn't even matter because granted edward was a lot older than 21, but granted that doesn't even matter anyways because you know how many teenage girls would make out with oscar wilde, keanu reeves, chris evans, or danny devito jason momoa if they had the chance? I know I would have. it isn't necessarily sexual unless you want it to be. besides, the argument could be made that brain development stops when you become a vampire, considering their body stops developing too. technically edward had the brain and body of a 17 year old, he was just 17 for a long time. so any way you slice it, there are acceptable explanations justifying this in the magic fantasy land of what-ifs and JUST BAD WRITING.

we good?

now let's tackle jacob.

he demanded she "choose" him over edward. he was just as childish and petty as mike. oh, poor mike. he was just too dumb. SWM be like. anyway, he literally abandoned her, his friend, because she wouldn't fuck him, when she needed her best friend the most. because that's who jacob was to her. he was her best friend. she kinda ignored him because edward is smexy and it overpowered her tiny teenage girl brain, or at least that's the author's excuse (yay for internalized misogyny). when they were in the mountains and he was keeping her from dying of hypothermia edward literally had to ask him to stop thinking about fucking her. while she was unconscious. which is kinda rapey. and then to top it all off, he wanted to fuck her baby daughter. so jacob is literally every single thing people called edward. he is jealous, possessive, creepy, obsessed with bella, and a whole bunch of other stereotypes associated with brown skinned man wanting to fuck white skinned women.

...

...

...

oh dear god.

wow I can't believe that the white woman who took an existing native american tribe and rewrote their culture to fit her vampire love story for white girls to have a sexy ~exotic~ savage feral werewolf boy in the love triangle turned out to be a racist all along.

so ideally, jacob would be the ideal partner for bella. lore-wise as well. bella and jacob grow old together in their plain regular normal human lives (and hopefully bella's face doesn't get clawed off like sam and leah BIG OOF FOR THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE), edward and tanya get married like they were supposed to do all along and gallivant off and do vampire things, all that jazz. edward isn't creepy and weird, bella isn't a magic mary sue with a magic fucking jean grey mind shield, jacob isnt an asshole.

but after reading the books and the evidence provided, I cannot in good conscience be team jacob over team edward.

thank you for your time.

fuck stephenie meyer.

and fuck all the dudebros who dog on girls for liking twilight anyways, as if dudebros don't watch and consume shitty media all the time.

[butwhyduh]

No One Else

Tom Holland x Reader

Warning: smut, angst, bad words

Word count: 1915

Summary: you met Tom one summer but when fall and work come back things go wrong. For @spideyfield challenge.

You met one summer. You worked at a sandwich shop between semesters. Tom quickly became a regular and within a week had asked you out. Long walks and sweaty makeouts punctuated by deep conversations. Kissing under an umbrella as rain poured around you. Heated passion in the back seat of an old car.

But English summers are too short. Far too short. And uni called you at the same time he went back to work. The relationship became strained.

You knew his work but Tom acted like it wasn't as mad as it seemed. And in the haze of summer it seemed normal. Tom was there and you were there and the only thing that mattered was you both.

But soon you realized that it was madness. He was signing autographs and taking pictures. His instagram was full of people trying to get a piece of him. He would have to cancel plans on you. You would argue over it sometimes. He would miss calling you. And then it turned into all the time. Finally one time he couldn't handle it.

"I can't do this anymore," Tom said in an argument. You stopped speaking and looked at him. "I'm tired of arguing. Why are we even wasting our time? I can't change anything and you won't be happy."

Your eyes started to water. "Are you- are you breaking up with me?" You felt cold.

"I... I guess I am. This isn't working anymore," Tom said quietly with his arms crossed. You blinked rapidly to contain your emotions.

"I don't know what to say," you finally said as your fingers played with the hem of your shirt. "I don't want to break up. But you- you sound like you've made up your mind. I... uh... I guess I'll go."

"You're leaving? Just- just like that?" He asked in disbelief. Tom didn't know what he expected but it wasn't this.

"I'm not going to stay where I'm not wanted. I won't bother arguing with you," you said as tears streamed down your face. You wiped them away furiously. You didn't want to cry in front of him.

"I didnt- I," he said not knowing what he meant. He didn't want to what? Hurt you? He was certainly doing that.

"Its okay," you said without looking at him. It most certainly wasn't okay but you couldn't tell him that anymore. You left his apartment and walked home. You fell asleep on your couch after crying.

He didn't call the next day. You didn't call him. What could you do? Not beg. You went through life in a daze for the next week. Finally his work took him away and he just didn't contact you anymore.

You tried to focus on school and it worked. For the most part. Tom was in the back of your mind but you could push it aside with studies.

That was until you received a letter in the mail. It was a reminder of a wedding you were invited to. Your heart sank. You had RSVPed with Tom as your date.

You considered not going. Everyone was going to ask about him. But your friend would be crushed and to miss a moment of her life over some guy was silly. So you decided to brave it and go. You put on the fancy dress you had bought weeks before. The blue fabric clung to your curves.

The ceremony was beautiful. Your friend was glowing. Her husband was grinning. It was nice. You had almost forgot about your own heart ache.

But then the reception came and you clutched your purse tight as everyone started to mingle. A few older adults asked about your job and you relaxed.

"So what happened to the boyfriend," a drunk friend of the groom asked. "Spider-Man?"

Your body stiffened and you politely stated you were no longer dating.

"Bummer. You let a catch out of your hand. You won't date Spider-Man again," he joked. You nodded and walked to the bar.

"What will you have?" The older man asked.

"What does I went to a wedding after being dumped taste like?" You grumbled.

"Whiskey," he said pouring a finger of whiskey with two cubes of ice. You didn't drink hard liquor often but what the hell. You turned around to people watch and you downed the spirit.

"Another, please," you said. He nodded and poured. You sipped on this one as you watched happy couples dancing. It was pathetic that one single comment from a drunk stranger had you drinking.

The reception was gorgeous. Twinkling lights strung from trees and glass shimmered on top of wine barrel tables. The lovely couple danced together to a slow song.

You shouldn't have come. You weren't ready to go to a wedding and was going to ruin the bride's night if she saw you. You immediately began planning your escape. Perhaps a fake illness?

The song stopped and then you saw him. Tom was walking through the dance floor to you. He was so obvious in a black hoodie and blue jeans. You couldn't believe your eyes. You hadn't talked to him in weeks. Why was he here? Why was he wearing that at a wedding?

He stood before you silently staring at you. Some of the guests watched but most were watching the father daughter dance. You couldn't speak. Certainly not when you felt like crying and had been drinking.

"I'm sorry," he said. You stared. "I'm an idiot. I tried to move on but no one is you. Can we talk? Away from here," Tom said playing with the edge of his sleeve. His wide brown eyes never leaving you. You could now see circles under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping well or maybe crying.

"Okay," you said softly. You walked down the path towards the creek. It too was softly lit with strung lights. Finally you both stopped a little away from the party. The music was softer down here with the soft gurgle of the creek behind you.

"I'm an idiot," he repeated. "I should have known it was going to be hard. You hadn't been around this stuff. I could have called more and we could have brought you along more," Tom rambled.

"Tom," you stopped him. He looked at you nervously. "I shouldn't have been so jealous. You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm sorry."

He looked at you in disbelief. He wasn't expecting anything. But Harrison had pushed him to try. His eyes finally moved down to the dress.

"You look gorgeous. You look great. I came to a wedding in a hoodie."

"You did," you laughed slightly. Tom smiled ruefully at you. He touched the soft material on your shoulder. You grasped his hand.

"Can I- can I kiss you?" He asked in a whisper.

You didn't respond but leaned up and placed your lips on his. His other hand grasped your waist delicately as he wound his fingers in yours. You wrapped an arm around his neck as he deepened the kiss.

His hand on your waist slowly ran up your torso to grasp your breast through the thin material. You gasped. Tom took the opportunity to suck your lip. Your hand tangled in his hair and pulled his hair slightly as he caressed your nipple through the fabric.

He suddenly pulled away from you. "I don't want to have a misunderstanding. I want to be back with you. Do you- do you wanna..."

"Yes. Yes," you said yanking him back down to you for another kiss. He moaned as you bit his lip. He pulled away again.

"Do you want to get out of here? Because I want you. Badly," he admitted.

"I have a room on the other side of the building," you motioned back at the reception. Tom never let you of your hand and pulled you along. You quietly walked along the edge of the reception to your room. You unlocked the door and Tom pulled you in the room before pushing you against the door.

"God, I missed you," He said between kisses. "Your smell, your laugh, your smile, your terrible tv shows."

You smiled at that one. Tom pulled both of your hands above your head and kissed down your neck. You panted as he kissed sensitive spots. He bit your earlobe before whispering "the way you taste."

You gasped. He let go if your hands to unzip the dress. He let the material fall to the floor as he attacked your breasts. His teeth grazing the sensitive bud. His hands roamed between your legs.

"Tom," you moaned as he slipped a finger in you. He played his fingers in your wetness as your hips jumped. Tom kissed the underside of your breast and down your waist. You were still pressed against the door as he kissed your clit.

You gripped his hair. He pulled one leg over his shoulder and licked a long strip down your core. Your leg wavered for a second. He innocently looked up at you before continuing. You grasped your nipples.

"Oh God, don't stop," you moaned as he stuck a finger inside you. You found it harder to stand as he continued. His other arm came to your hips to support you. You felt your core tighten and you came gasping and moaning. Your whole body shook. Tom supported you as he put your leg down and stood up.

He grabbed you around the waist and pulled you to the bed where he laid you down. He quickly pulled his clothing off and climbed on top of you. He leaned on his elbows and took your hands in his and intertwined your fingers. You tried to grind on him, to do anything.

Tom understood the message and slowly pushed himself in you. He stilled at the motion. It had been a while. Finally he began moving again.

"I missed you so much," he said between kisses. "You are so amazing. I was a complete idiot. Damn you feel fucking amazing wrapped around me."

He continued the agonizingly slow pace. His hands never left yours. "I love you too," you moaned. You began to feel the tightening again. He panted softly and laid his head on your shoulder. You moaned as he hit a certain spot over and over again.

"I'm going to cum," you breathed. You moaned loudly and clenched around his cock.

"Oh God," he groaned as you came on his cock. He twitch and found his release quickly afterwards. Tom rolled to the side and grasped you around the waist tightly. He peppered soft kisses to your hair.

"I love you so much. I can't say how much I missed you. Did you- did you miss me too?" Tom asked nervously. You smiled.

"I was a wreck. I missed you too. Don't do that again," you gazed into his eyes.

"No never."

"Can I get my jacket? Sorry to bother you guys," came one of your friend's voice from behind the door.

You buried your head in Tom's neck and laughed. He turned red and smirked. Tom pulled on his jeans and grabbed the jacket and pushed it out the door.

"Hello," your friend said.

"Hi, we're busy," Tom said before handing her the jacket and closing the door. You heard your friend laughing as she walked away.

"We're busy?"

"We're definitely busy."

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[veridium]

sweet talk 101

PHEW. OKAY. 

Part ten? HOLY SHIT? We are in part 10 of this thing. I am so delighted. So, here, have some fluff with a light touch of melodrama (as is my specialty). @bitchesofostwick and I love torturing our kids with sweetness followed by sourness, apparently. 

ON THIS EPISODE: Cass and Liv are doing the whole friendship.com thing, though Liv can’t help but still wonder what her new pal’s plans are. One thing she knows for sure is that all her assumptions are quickly flying out the window. A text from her Mom reminds her of the fragility of her privacy and her expectations. Meanwhile, sweet bb Ellinor prepares for a totally casual and not at all scintillating project meeting with her blonde, handsome partner. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

Episode title brought to you by my falling back down the rabbit hole of Cute is What We Aim For’s music, especially this particular song. 

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8 // part 9 

-- 

A week after Ellinor and Cullen are assigned their project --

2:57pm. Dammit, it’s 2:57pm. Call it already, Professor Lucas.

“Alright, that will be all.”

That is all she hears before her mind goes exclusively to packing up her lecture notebook, pencil bag, and canteen into her backpack. It’s get the hell out of dodge time. Up out of her seat and out the door as the Professor warns about the midterm study sessions coming up. Yes, yes, fine, she’ll ace the practice exam as usual. That doesn’t matter.

It’s Tuesday, and she’s got plans.

Jogging down the steps in her calf-high boots, she searches through the crowds of foot traffic and sees the pixie-cut she’s been waiting to see, against a lamp post. Blue skinny jeans and a t-shirt underneath a leather fitted jacket. A resting bitch face that turns to cordial stoicism, and melts her into smiling. Olivia has a type and she can’t even deny it anymore: women who look like they’d be just as ready to step on you as make you laugh.

“Hey!” she says as she walks up, a perk in her step that makes her ponytail bounce.

Cassandra grins and stands tall, holding her phone. “Hey!”

“You said wear pants.”

“That I did.”

Olivia eyes her, fending off the urge to giggle nervously like a beguiled school girl. “Do I get to find out why? I don’t usually cater to people’s whims, case you couldn’t tell.”

Cassandra’s grin grows. “Really? Last I checked, I am now 5-0 with requests on your time and company.”

OH. Ohoho. OHO. Olivia’s hands go balmy, a visceral response to being hung out to dry with just a simple sentence. She’s right, though. After their meet up at the Church, texting had recommenced at their expedient frequency. That had led to a redemption coffee outing on the following Wednesday, where Olivia sat down in place long enough to actually finish her chai. That would have been bad enough, if not for the wandering into a used bookstore afterward, where Olivia couldn’t resist mock reading from old social science journals to really drive their asinine, outdated theories home. That was the first time she heard Cassandra laugh. Honest to goodness laugh. It made her break character.

But ego does not pay any mind to sentimentality in the moment of injury.

She swats Cassandra on the back of her upper arm before folding hers against her tightened chest. “You got a punch card going or something, asshole?” 

Cassandra chuckles low. A cocky chuckle. The confidence looks good on her, when it overpowers her steady and thoughtful exterior. “Come on, I only got a few minutes loaded on the parking meter.”

She’s unceremonious but charming as they walk down the sidewalk bordering front quad. It had been an odd text to wake up to, a request that she wear close-fitting shirt and pants, and bring something to tie back her hair. It reminds her of when adults would chide her and her friends in high school for letting people tell them how to dress. No one was allowed to do that! Unless, of course, they were your parents, your elders, the federal government…

A few minutes walk to a back parking lot, and they come to the front line of spots. Just down the line, passed the handicap spots, there’s a shiny black and purple bike cocked to the side, and two helmets resting on the seat.

She stops in her tracks. Cassandra walks a few feet ahead, before she turns and faces her.

“No fucking way,” Olivia’s eyes go wide, mouth dropping open. “You’re shitting me.”

“Yes, because I definitely am a prankster,” Cassandra shakes her head. “Come on, you said you spend your weekends on bikes. Or was that you, shitting me?”

Olivia is getting sick of this woman being perfect. It’s nauseating, almost -- and by that, she means increasingly irresistible and that is becoming a problem. In all actuality it would make sense; kids who grew up in families like the Pentaghasts rarely had an interest that wasn’t generously indulged just because they could afford to do so. She probably had a inkling to ride a bike when she was nine, and they groomed her all the way up to being a licensed rider who competed in tournaments or something berserk like that. Just casual. 

She slings her backpack straps onto both shoulders. “Well, shit.”

“What?” Cassandra asks as they resume walking.

“Nothing, I am just rarely rendered speechless.”

“Now that, I believe,” she smiles, a skip in her step as she bounces off the sidewalk onto the asphalt, grabbing both helmets and handing one to her. “Be honest, have you ridden on a bike before?”

Oh, sweetheart. Olivia laughs and takes the helmet, pulling her hair ponytail down to rest at the nape of her neck. “No, never. Absolutely not. I am a good girl.”

Cassandra sits up, back straight as she zips up the jacket she’s wearing. Now it makes sense why it reminds her of a moto jacket in a magazine. “I’m serious, Liv. Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Ugh, I have, many times in fact.” Olivia sticks her tongue out before slipping her head into the helmet. It’s a bit snug, but that’s not a bad thing when it comes to helmets. “Just sit still and look pretty while I do my backflips on the freeway.”

“And people say I am relentless.” Cassandra smirks before putting her helmet on and standing up, swinging a leg onto the front seat. Olivia is way too besotted by the simple act of her straddling a bike for it to be healthy. A 20-something’s blood pressure is not supposed to spike like that. “Well, let’s go then.”

Olivia’s heart races. It’s a simple request. She’s done it more than a dozen times. Get on the bike, hold the person by the sides of their waist, and enjoy the ride. Holding her breath, she approaches and does as Cassandra did, bringing a leg over -- God, the bike is tall -- and perches herself on the back seat.

Cassandra takes hold of her steering, and Olivia takes hold of her. Leaving room for Jesus, to be sure. Out the corner of her eye she spots a small group of onlooking people outside the doors to the building in front of the lot. They look like a bunch of east coast preps lost on their way to the nearest Hollister, and their faces are anything but pleased. One girl with french braids and a binder to her chest, brow furrowing. A guy, hands on his hips, wearing a knit Ralph Lauren-looking sweater even though it’s a 70 degrees out at least. A couple others, but it’s those two faces that stink the most. 

What’s good, bro? Got milk with fat in your latte this morning, Chadworth? she sneers in her head. Her temper has two gears: territorial pomeranian, and pomeranian gone off the rails. 

Cassandra kicks up the stand and revs the engine. “Ready?” she yells over her shoulder.

Olivia’s hands press harder against her waist, and she refocuses. “Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.” She then leans against her back, as close as her mouth can get to her ear. “Hell yeah I am.”

They reverse and then blow the popsicle stand. Cassandra rides well, and she doesn’t speed or try things. Corners are careful, speed limits respected. When they merge onto the freeway Olivia leans against her straight rather than do what she likes to do -- tricks like tossing her arms into the air, arching back, feeling the adrenaline race in her veins. Instead, she holds on, and takes in the scene racing on either side of them. No backflips.

Eventually they get off several exits down and pull into uptown where the pho shop is. It’s small, and tucked away a bit, but it’s a favorite among “the students” as the locals would say. They find a table by the window, small and built for two, and go ham on two bowls of soup.

“Oh yeah, toss those babies in,” Olivia teases, sliding her bowl across so Cassandra can drop in the peppers she doesn’t want. “Ah, yes, glorious. Thank you.”

Cassandra grins, throwing in the last piece and then grabbing for more bean sprouts. “Your table manners are compelling.”

“Good, it took me five years of debutante training to get me to stop hanging off the chandeliers.”

“Only five?”

“Five...and a half,” she wags her finger in the air, her other hand stirring her noodles around. Cassandra is spooning some broth to her lips, not a single sound of slurping or crass inhaling. It’s textbook table etiquette.

“So, how was your day?” she asks after she swallows.

“Good. Class was good...a lecture on the Peloponnesian war. I should have known better than take an Antiquated history class without bothering with the prereq.”

“What, is it difficult?”

“Not...exactly,” Liv shrugs, tossing a piece of beef into her mouth. “It’s just involved. Like, everyone there wants to be the next great archeologist or history authority. I just want to know how we got this point in our society, get an A, and move on.”

Cassandra wipes the side of her lip with her napkin, before placing it to the table and picking up another bundle of noodles between her chopsticks. “I can understand that. Some people really get bizarre in those classes. I once got into it with a guy who insisted on his hair-brained reddit factoids being true even though they stipulated that Stalin was like, this nice guy who loved kids and lattes.”

“Agh! What the fuck?”

“I know. I nearly asked him to throw hands on the quad afterward. Tell him where he could put his soviet apologia. I hate it when I’m made to feel like reduced to capitalist swine just for telling Craig whoever-the-hell that all his heroes died despotic cowards, and it’s not an ‘ironic’ fascination if he has a giant U.S.S.R flag hanging in his dorm room.”

Olivia snorts as she’s mid-gulp of broth, her hand going to her mouth and cupping against her lips and wet nose. She turns away briefly to wipe off her mess, while Cassandra looks on with a smile. A habitual concern is smearing her lipstick, but as she’s pressing, she remembers she didn't put on any that morning. In fact, she hardly bothered with anything more than concealer and eyeliner. She could rub her face in a thick towel, and it would be fine.

“I hope that was meant to be a laugh. You okay?” she comments, taking in another mouthful of noodles.

“You know,” Olivia remarks as she presses her napkin to her face, hopefully not smearing her contour or highlight, “you comment a lot on my quirks. You got a problem, Pentaghast?”

“Not at all, Sinclair. Why would I?” she tilts her chin, her hand stilling.

“Uh, I don’t know. You bothered, or whatever.” Maybe you’re trying to tell me to stop doing it by commenting, like my parents do. Darling, you’re mouth breathing. Sweetie, you talk when you can’t improve the silence.

“Nah,” Cassandra chews small, “Just teasing. If anything, your concern should be that I find you too fascinating to be real.”

Butterflies. She’s been causing them more lately ever since they agreed to this ‘friendship.’ Because that was totally what was supposed to happen when you’re good pals.

“Hm,” Olivia nods, preparing another bite in her bowl. “I’ll take that answer.”

“Lofty affirmation.”

“Yep.”

They settle into eating for a minute or two. Her phone had sat untouched on the corner of the table, on silent, too. Texts and calls don’t matter in the moment. It’s her getaway for more reasons than she’d like to admit.

“Speaking of bothered. Cullen’s still trying to pretend he doesn’t care that Ellinor wants to be friends. There’s no living with him,” Cassandra says, breaking the contented silence. “It’s been, what, a week since they got that group project assignment?”

“Ugh, yeah,” Olivia watches her broth as she stirs around the floating veggies. “Ellinor won’t stop not talking about it. But they’re finally meeting up soon, right? They have to. It’s like, the rule of group projects.”

“...Does she like him?”

“Does he like her?”

Their eyes meet, and smiles grow on both their faces. Olivia laughs to off-set her nerves from it. “Shit, obvious answers are obvious.” 

She shakes some more of the hoisin sauce into her bowl, before tossing it up in the air towards Cassandra’s side. Cassandra, in her athletic prowess, catches it without so much as looking up.

“You’re keeping me on my toes. What’s next, another ‘trust’ fall?”

Olivia shakes her head mockingly and upturns her nose. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

“You got the wrong girl if you’re looking for lack of protestation,” Cassandra counters, mixing.

“Maybe you’d find better company with those people watching us get on your bike. They looked full of ideas to protest. Women’s reproductive choice, suffrage, poor people having rights…”

“You mean Daniel and everyone?”

Great. Of course, she knows them. “...Uh, sure?”

“Hah,” Cassandra shakes her head. “They’re opinionated, alright. Just not very good, or original, at it. They go to Church. Our families know each other. All fun friends at the ski lodge and mission trips,” she mocks, eyes rolling a bit.

Church, church, church. It all went back to Church. That was perhaps the most religious thought she had ever had on her own volition.

“So, I take it they’re not very cool?”

“That’s one way of putting it. Insufferable is another.”

“Does that mean they don’t like you being around me?”

Cassandra holds her noodles mid-air hanging on the chopsticks as she pauses to give her a look. “Liv, they dislike a lot of things.”

“Yeah, but, they were giving me shitty glares of death in the parking lot. And I’m not a thing.”

“I didn’t say you where. I just meant that--”

“It’d make sense, I mean...promiscuous witch straddling your bike with her blasphemous thighs, you riding off on the highway to hell,” she starts to choke on her laugh, unable to keep a straight face.

Cassandra smiles smartly. There’s a glimmer in her eye that wasn’t there before. “I try not to worry what other people think. It gets ridiculous after a while, if you let it under your skin. My family brings enough attention to my life as it is. I don’t need to treat everything like tabloid fodder in my free time. But if I did, I’d want it to be written using your flare for vivid imagery.”

She’s eloquent, even when she’s hanging out with no audience. A bit awkward on the delivery at times, but sincere. It’s adorable.

“Right,” Olivia crinkles her nose, “heh, you’re right. I shouldn’t have picked. It’s pointless. I am who I am, anyways.”

“Yes, you are.” She looks up and sees Cassandra admiring her with that quiet, confident stare. A straight mouth, but softened eyes. It’s all in the eyes.

They finish more than an hour later, way passed the amount of time it objectively takes to down a small order of pho. They also take their time walking back to her bike. It’s a partly cloudy day, but warm -- worth the dallying. Olivia will probably get sunburnt, but there’s no reason to care. She does that thing where she pretends she’s walking on a tightrope, and even hops on a couple side-by-side benches to do so. Cassandra keeps to herself, but matches her pace at every slow-down and quickening of steps.

Then, she does one of those things that surprises Olivia just as she thinks she has the situation settled: as she approaches the end of the last bench, Cassandra offers her hand to her. She stops and stares at it, probably longer than she should if the goal is to play it all cool and nonchalant. 

Her eyes flicker to Cassandra’s. She’s looking at her with civil kindness, impossible to read. Olivia tucks her chin a bit, grins, and glides her palm ever-so-quickly against hers. She hops down and feels the bracing strength in her handhold -- it was not needed, but it was something else. Something humbling. With her feet back on the ground, she is the first to remove her hand, so that she doesn’t have to survive the sensation of Cassandra being the first to break away. 

Eventually it’s back on the bike and to campus where they belong. On the way, Olivia leans against her back, inch for inch, but it’s no big deal. Jesus still has room, somewhere, right? At one point, though, when they are rounding onto a neighborhood street -- one she recognizes as being a couple blocks from Rylen’s house of horrors -- she lets her hand go out to the side, fingers spindling through the air. Cassandra looks over, but due to the helmet, she can’t tell whether she’s mad or not. She doesn’t say anything, and Cassandra is the kind of person to say something -- so she takes it as approval.

When they pull into the fire lane behind her dorm and stop, Olivia would rather stick a hair pin in her eye and dismount. But, she makes it look easy as best she can, hopping down and sliding the helmet off her head. She hands it back to her while shaking her hair loose. Cassandra remains on her seat, but sits up. It gives Olivia leave to stand close, for the sake of the engine noise.

“Thanks for the ride. It was a perfect first bike trip,” she teases, thumbs hooking onto her backpack straps.

“No problem,” Cassandra projects through the rim of her helmet.

Olivia rolls her lip. “I’ll...uh, I’ll text you.”

“Please do.”

Dammit with that poker face. What gives? What’s in it for her? What’s got her so smug?

“Okay, well…” she rocks her weight between her toes and her heels, “get home safe!”

“I will. Have a good night, Olivia.”

This is where she is supposed to walk away. Again. She nods and turns for the door to the ground floor. Although, Cassandra does not turn tail and leave until Olivia is fully inside, safe and sound -- as if that were a concern to have, logically.

Oh, she can do that, but she can’t push be back on the bike seat and...

Once inside, she exhales her pent up breath and shoulders the wall, groaning. Everything is great, but yields no decisive result. Cassandra makes being straight look like a corkscrew roller-coaster ride, and feel like it, too. Olivia is signing up for every go-around she can, only to be dropped off and told to collect her bag and loose jewelry from the cubby hole.

Her thoughts go quiet as she gets up the stairs, and onto her and Ellinor’s floor. And who does she meet coming her way but the grunge queen herself, who’s face flushes in the instant they see each other. Ellinor is dressed for public, and carrying her bag. Her book bag. It’s gotta be no later than 5pm. She tries to pivot and go the other way, but Olivia is hep to her antics.

“No no, no you don’t missy!” she calls after her, walking faster to catch up, “get back here!”

“I don’t...I cant...I can’t hear you!” Ellinor mouths while she stuffs her other headphone back in her ear.

“Ellinor Trevelyan!”

She freezes, shoulders bunch against her ears.

“That’s right. Turn around and meet your maker. Where are you going at this temperate evening hour?”

“Uh…” Ellinor side-steps, “I got...homework…”

“What kind of homework? Would that be...Lit homework?”

“No!”

Olivia stops in front of her, and with a swift fist she punches her best friend’s bookbag. It feels like a sack of cinderblocks. “Right. That’s Lit class heaviness. Try again.”

Ellinor sucks on her cheek, folding her arms that are wrapped in hoodie sleeves. “I’ve got Lit homework. Sue me.”

“Oh, you bet your ass you do. A project’s worth. You going to meet with someone?”

“Maybe. I got friends, you know.”

Olivia narrows her eyes. “Bullshit. Who?”

“No one in the vicinity…”

“Hah! You’re meeting up with him! Fucking finally!”

Ellinor slumps and bends her knees, tossing her head back. “Shit, yes okay, fine. I am. We have a meet-up. I’m doing what I’m supposed to. Got it? Had your fun?”

Olivia dances from foot to foot, smiling and giggling with triumph. “Ohoho, don’t stay out too late, child. Curfew it at 9:30pm! Make good choices! Don’t let him get all in your petticoats!”

Ellinor looks ready to astral project out of this dimension and call it a day. But, as Olivia passes her and backwards steps so that she can continue mocking her with giggles and singing words, she surprisingly stays grounded in this plane of existence.

“Stu-dy bud-dies, stu-dy bud-dies, stu-dy bud-dies!” Olivia chants, scooting her boots back towards her door down the hall.

“Yeah, right! Better than noodle buddies! Get enough slurping?!” Ellinor barks back.

Olivia blushes and bites her lip, before turning her but toward her and perking it up. “Never enough!”

“Ugh, son of a--”

“Buh-bye, friend! Have fun! Kiss kiss fall in love!”

Ellinor makes her escape, drawing the line at old anime haunts of their freshman year depression pit. That leaves Olivia at her door, keys rustling in her backpack side pocket. She gets out her phone and makes quick for her messages, typing in Cassandra’s name.

-- I think Ellinor is coming over to your place for their project. Look alive and be prepared to evacuate the premises if necessary, lol. 

Olivia shoves her key in her lock and feels another buzzing sensation. Thinking -- hoping -- it’s Cassandra, she looks quick.  

To her disappointment, it’s Mom:

-- Do not forget the gala coming up! You HAVE to come home before! Mom-daughter time at the spa, LOL! Love ya! XO

Right. God dammit. She lets her arms fall and rocks her forehead into her door, groaning with the bane of a thousand tempers. Right around midterms, no less. Cassandra was right -- it was fatiguing to care about what other people thought. But it was different to overcome that when your entire life was groomed for social climbing, instead of you being born already at the top like she had. It’s easier not to care when you’re looking down at all your critics.

But, Mommy-Daughter spa time! ‘LOL’ was not the sentiment she would have used to describe it. “Fate worse than death she must relive for all time” -- now that, that was an apt descriptor. She gets in through her door, drops her stuff on her desk, and hops into the shower soon after. Once that’s done and she returns wrapped in a towel, her thoughts have spun once or twice around the planet’s equator. Turning the lamp on as its getting dark outside, she unplugs her phone from the charger by her desk, and pulls up Ellinor’s name in her texts.

-- My Mom isn’t dropping the museum trustee gala nightmare she wants to drag me to. I want to walk the plank. Hope your not-study date is going well! Tell Cullen hey for me, and be niceee!!!! 

She’ll probably invite Ellinor to come along so that her Mom doesn’t get to push her onto the arm of one of her girlfriends’ sons, or even worse, one of Olivia’s beefcake cousins. It’s more than annoying, it’s excruciating, and she hates that it is. 

Collapsing back on her bed, she exhales with the daydream of Cassandra by the lamp post wearing that jacket. She wants it all to herself, safe and sound. Fuck.

[paintingraves]

Crimes of Grindelwald info dump

CAREFUL : SPOILERS ! There’s no structure to this I’m sorry 

the humor is still very present. from newt’s awkward flirting skills to Jacob’s tell-tale high-pitched screams, it’s all here and guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

seeing Hogwarts again was a great plus as well. Dumbledore as a teacher is a great thing.

Speaking of which Jude Law makes a perfect young Dumbledore. His performance is great, and I wish he’d had more screentime. I’m looking forward to seeing his role grow in further movies.

Credence is GROWING and that’s GREAT even if he MAKES MISTAKES

the baby nifflers - and as a matter of fact, all creatures - are delightful. the CGI is very well-done, and the creativity behind each of them is palatable. I love those guys so much.

Newt and Tina are actually adorable as fuck

Dan Fogler is great. Scratch that, he steals the show. He’s brilliant.

The cinematography, costumes, etc - all that is great as well. it’s believable.

in terms of acting… none of the actors get much screentime. Queenie & Jacob do get some emotional scenes. Credence is very busy making angry murder faces at the camera. I liked Tina as well, but again - not enough screentime.

there’s a lot of new characters being introduced, some who get no more than perhaps ten minutes of screentime as a whole (looking at you Nagini.) We get this whole building plot about Credence being Leta’s long-lost brother, thought dead, only to have it crumble in the last minutes - the same as it was with Credence’s sister Modesty in the first movie who we thought was the Obscurus. Now that worked actually well in FB1 but here it feels… kind of anticlimactic? Leaving you to wonder the whys and the hows because nothing led up to it.

I’d like to know how Credence came to know Nagini and how he found himself working in a circus, as well as how he survived. How?!

Nagini and Credence seem to be close friends, nothing more. Which is good - he could use some good friends, especially given the direction he’s taking. Just wish Nagini had more screentime to really show up the mechanics of their relationship and how close they are, because it really isn’t clear. We’re just supposed to take at face value that they know each other and that’s it.

How did Credence even find his adoption papers? Isn’t he being wanted by every government in the world? How does his status work?

They’re literally sending assassins after him because he’s supposedly Grindelwald’s greatest weapon, which like… chill a bit guys maybe. Rethink this through???

Oh, Grindelwald. Grindelwald is grooming Credence like hell, calling him “my boy” again and again and hugging him and touching him and making promises and Credence is falling for it hook, line and sinker. Someone help him holy shit.

One of the characters that actually does make sense is actually Abernathy. His role is minimal but he does help Grindelwald escape and seems to be given tasks of importance - which seems to be a great deal for a man who, like him, appeared to be no one before. It’s easy to see how he could have been seduced to Grindelwald’s side.

We don’t know much about Rosier yet. She’s just here. Looking pretty and threatening and hinting at her ‘close relationship’ with Grindelwald, whatever that means (I don’t want to think about it.) She seems to be his second-in-command.

I liked the fact that at the end Grindelwald and Queenie are like bros. Bitch bros. That’s wonderful and terrifying.

I didn’t say it enough, but the grooming

There were so many times. So many times where they could have mentioned Percival Graves and what happened to him in passing but not only once. NoT OnLy oNcE

but that’s a whole other headache SO. moving on

Hmmm Leta. What to say about Leta? She’s great. She seems like a good person, and Zoé did a great job portraying her. She’s the one who gets the most emotional scenes, next to Jacob and Queenie. There’s a whole family drama unfolding here (which oooh boi is it complicated) and it’s kind of easy to see how she became the woman she is?

She and Theseus seem to love each other very much. I’m wishing they had had more screentime, the two of them.

Nicolas Flamel is here for comic value.

I loved the relationship between Theseus and Newt. There’s some real brotherly love and character growth in there, and it felt good to see it depicted well.

I’m wondering how powerful that assassin sent by the british minister needed to be to resist the full-blown assault of a grown obscurus. even Grindelwald had trouble doing that. where’s the logic ???

also how did they obliviate the entire city of Paris following that little trick with the dark cloaks inviting people to Grindelwald’s little rendez-vous? Unless it was visible only to wizards, but since they show us an old intrigued man looking out the window I don’t think it was the case. So?

Same thing with the blue fires and red fires in the cemetery - how’re they gonna explain that to the muggle police and fire brigade should they come running?

Bunty is here for comic value.

Newt literally isn’t aware of his own appeal. I’m afraid oblivious!Newt from the fics is sorta canon now.

TINA DOESN’T GET ENOUGH SCREENTIME. She’s one of the characters who, along with Jacob, seems to have her shit together and seems eager to get shit done but we don’t see her progress. The movie prefers to focus on her relationship with Newt - which, don’t get me wrong, they’re adorable as fuck - instead of the much more interesting investigation plot line she has got going on. She’s an Auror; let her be an Auror ! Show us that side of her !

Queenie was certainly… something in this movie. I get the feeling she’s suffering a lot and Grindelwald is the only one, unfortunately, who listens.

Jacob the poor guy goes through a lot in this one too. I don’t know how he’s expected to survive in a world he really shouldn’t be in, and I think he’s starting to realize that. At the end of the movie he looks to be on the verge of a breakdown.

Leta dies sacrificing herself so the others can escape. Which is very noble but… I don’t know how I feel about that one just yet.

Grindelwald and Dumbledore… Hmm. Dumbledore shows us his suffering intimately. It’s a short but intense scene that goes one with him in front of that mirror and it’s a great piece of acting. Seeing Johnny Depp in front of him stiiiiill doesn’t cut it but oH WELL

Seeing Jamie morph into JD was about as bad as seeing Colin Farrell morph into him tbh. It’s unbelievable.

Now Grindelwald… Grindelwald is… He is Grindelwald. He is busy being Grindelwald. He’s not particularly striking but he gets the job done. That’s it.

Sometimes he looks terrifying and sometimes he looks ridiculous. The character design is still a hard pill to swallow.

I got the feeling at some points that Grindelwald worked well when he was doing some Johnny Depp. Like when he asks Queenie if Credence trusts him or when he says “I hate Paris” after killing a dozen people at the end of his rally - that was funny. Unexpected. And it worked well.

For someone who claims they are the non-violent ones he does seems very prone to like, drowning people, killing children and burning people with fire lol - but all that away from the public eye, which is clever. I’d say in Grindelwald’s and his followers’ opinion that rally worked very well. It did what it was meant to - give them an insight into his hopes and beliefs and then scare them into joining his side.

They introduced World War II which, oh boi. Wonder how they’re gonna weave the muggle history and wizarding world plotline together.

Credence joining him also makes sense for his character. He wants to know who he is and Grindelwald offers him that. But Grindelwald plays him so well it’s also very sad to watch it unfold.

Credence is gonna be so powerful growing under his tutelage though.

The actors playing young Newt and Leta were awesome! Very good casting, very believable. Young Newt’s got Eddie Redmayne’s trademark Newt mannerisms down to a point - congrats to them both!

Newt the adult… well he is busy being Newt. He’s quite cute and clumsy, but he still has some growth to do as a protagonist. I like him being the main character though. He’s caring.

Yusuf Kama doesn’t get much screentime either. He’s part of the whole Lestrange family drama plotline. We don’t have time to get attached to the character.

We don’t relate much to any character, actually. Not to Credence, not to Dumbledore, not to any minor new character either. We might relate slightly to Newt’s rivalry with his brother or his difficulties in approaching the woman he likes as well as the difficulties Jacob and Queenie are facing as a couple buuuut that’s pretty much it.

There’s a scene at the beginning when we’re in the carriage and Grindelwald gets illuminated by lightning - he looks properly terrifying. My heart skipped a beat.

Newt and Leta’s relationship is really touching. It’s easy to see how they could have become close friends.

The Ministry trying to recruit Newt into the auror department like you seriously thought that was gonna work ? lmao

Jacob being charmed by Queenie is problematic…. but it’s interesting to see how Queenie evolves, how she could be driven to such desperations. In my opinion Jacob is a bit too quick to forgive something like this lol but yK

Newt just wants to get to Tina and that’s cute

God these two are just terribly awkward

I genuinely thought they were gonna kiss at one point though.

I felt bad for Credence seeing the servant who was a link to his family (or maybe not ahaa SPOILER) die like minutes after he met her. the poor dude.

So Credence is a Dumbledore uh. Wonder how that one skipped past Rita Skeeter’s sharp quill.

Credence blasting that hole in the mountain like YEAH BABY THERE YOU GO !!!!!

The niffler steals the blood pact Grindelwald keeps on him at all times and im like YES BABY THERE YOU GO TOO !!! GOOD BOY !

and idk there’s probably more to say but here you go

Now I’m saying all this but personally I have a really hard time caring about anything I’m saying or any of the characters. But that’s personal. 

[allthephils]

Repose

Chapter 14/?

Rated M (adult themes, mentions of sex, seeping beauty au)

word count: 2438 / 40,051

Read on AO3

Excerpt: Phil had never felt fear like this. The room closed in, his heart beat in his ears. Tears sat in his eyes but couldn’t spill over. His arms and legs prickled with adrenaline but he felt frozen in place. He ran to his room, pulling out his dresser drawer and dumping the contents onto the carpet. Rifling through, he found Dan’s Versace t-shirt and held it to his chest. Finally, the sobs broke through and he fell to his knees, crying into the shirt with a painful force. 

Chapter 14

The morning was beautiful. It had rained overnight and the world outside Phil’s window was clean and bright. He had gone to bed early, eager for a new day to spend with Dan. There was so much he wanted to tell him. He’d found a poem he thought Dan would like and had printed it to bring along and read aloud. He thought he might bring a few books to read as well. He chose the Outsiders to start with. It seemed like the kind of thing they could quote to each other later and he’d never read it so it would be new to both of them. Up earlier than usual, he took his time drinking his coffee and watched Louise’s new video. Everything felt normal, more normal than it had in a while and he basked in it. Picking up his phone, he rang his mum.

“Child.” Kath’s cheerful tone brought Phil right home.

Phil called his mother most weeks but hadn’t done since he’d first got the news about Dan.

“Mum, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. I’ve been busy, distracted.” Phil wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to hear her calm reassurances and her inevitable cheer leading. Instead he told her that he wanted to her soon, that they’d have to meet for breakfast because his days were full.

“Breakfast? So around noon then?” Kath jabbed at Phil but he just said, “No mum, I have to be home by noon.”

He told her he wanted to tell her what’s been going on for him, that he had good news but that it was too long a story to tell on the phone. He was done hiding. If he was going to fight this fight, he needed his family on his side. Kath was baffled at the mystery and the serious tone but she agreed and they made a date for the following week. When he ended the call Phil sat satisfied and feeling like today was the first day of something new. Something was going to change, he could feel it in his bones. He absolutely couldn’t wait to get in that car with Dennis. Phil glanced as his kitchen clock. 12:20. He’d talked to his mum longer than he thought, though that always happened with them.

Dennis had never been late before. He ran downstairs to see if maybe he didn’t hear the knock but there was nothing. No car at the curb, no Dennis. Maybe there was an accident on the road, traffic. He went back upstairs and sat on the sofa, waiting.

12:30. 12:45.

He had no way to reach Dennis, no way of knowing what was going on unless someone contacted him. 12:55. Phil’s stomach twisted into knots. He held his breath and opened Twitter on his phone. Just the usual cursed prince tabloid nonsense.

1:00.

If something happened to Dan, how would he know. He felt sick. If something had happened to Dan. What if he took a turn for the worse? They wouldn’t just leave Phil here, not knowing, would they? They wouldn’t let him find out in some awful Twitter headline that Dan had… He stop mid thought, unwilling to even consider the possibility that Dan could be gone.

1:10.

He picked up his phone and called Louise.

“Hey! They let you keep your phone today! Does this mean I get photos?” Louise was her usual chipper self but Phil broke at the sound of her voice.

“Lou, I’m not there. They didn’t come. What do I do Louise? Oh my god, what if he died? What if he died and they just aren’t coming?” Phil was near hyperventilation. He couldn’t catch his breath.

“Phil, listen.” Louise spoke slowly. “I’m on my way. We’ll go together and get to the bottom of this. Phil, breath for me sweetie. I need to know you're safe on your own till I get there.”

Phil took deep, slow breaths, gaining some small measure of control. “Ok, ok. I’m ok. I’ll be ok. Hurry Lou.”

Phil had never felt fear like this. The room closed in, his heart beat in his ears. Tears sat in his eyes but couldn’t spill over. His arms and legs prickled with adrenaline but he felt frozen in place. He ran to his room, pulling out his dresser drawer and dumping the contents onto the carpet. Rifling through, he found Dan’s Versace t-shirt and held it to his chest. Finally, the sobs broke through and he fell to his knees, crying into the shirt with a painful force. He stayed on the floor of his bedroom, playing through all the possibilities in his head. None of them were good. He heard the door slam and Louise called out, “Phil!”

When he look up, she walked past him and set a box on the bed. “This was outside your door. It’s addressed to you.”

Phil swallowed hard and stood. He shook so violently, he found it difficult to pull the tape off the box. For a long moment, he just stared at the still closed cardboard flaps.

“Phil, love, do you want me to…” Louise stepped forward but Phil held up his hand and shook his head. He carefully lifted one flap and then the others. When he saw what was inside, Phil gasped, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. The bottom of the box was littered with dirt from Loki’s pot, which lay on it’s side. The candles were there and the fairy lights, among broken glass from Phil’s terrarium. Everything was here, everything except Buffy. Phil reached in carefully and pulled out Loki, scooping as much dirt back in as he could manage, and straightening the little cactus in it’s tiny red pot. Phil stood tall, pulled his shoulders back, and wiped his tears. He closed the box and walked to the window, setting Loki on the sill, then turned to look at Louise.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Phil had grown accustomed to waking up with Dan in his bed. His body was aware of the absence before his brain was fully awake. He fluttered his eyes open to see a blurry figured leaned against the doorway, arms folded like a catalog model.

“Dan?” Phil said, his voice thick with sleep. He reached for his glasses and put them on, with the sole purpose of seeing Dan. He couldn’t care less if the whole world was blurry so long as Dan came into focus.

“What are you doing?”

Dan’s smile was reserved but genuine. “Watching you sleep.”

“Ok creeper.” Phil joked, though his heart flipped, it’s one of those things people say in romantic stories and you laugh and roll your eyes. It’s not romantic, it’s creepy. Except it was romantic. If only because Phil understood the impulse. If he had a choice, his gaze would always fall on Dan. He had a twisting pain in his neck from sleeping half sitting up with Dan snuggled into his arms. He stretched and arched, cracking and popping, trying to set things back where they belong.

Dan just watched.

“You’re dressed.” Phil stated the obvious, disappointed at what that must mean.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, we were up so late.” Dan smirked, a light blush in his cheek.

“OK. Will you be back tonight?”

Dan shook his head, wistful. “I have to spend some time with my grandmum tonight. I promised.”

“Your grandmum? You’re hanging with the queen tonight?” Phil thought he’d never get used to these abrupt reminders of Dan’s actual position in life.

“I am. She wants to discuss university, my future, you know.” Dan shrugged. “I wish I could bring you. You are my future after all. It seems ridiculous to discuss any of it without you.” Dan’s phone rang out and he huffed. “I have to go before Dennis has a literal baby out there. I’ll see you tomorrow after work, ok?”

Phil nodded and smiled into the kiss Dan leaned in for.

Dan whispered I love you and left. The words drifted through Phil’s mind like soft waves at low tide, rushing in, idling out, rushing in, idling out. He heard his front door close and heard himself whisper I love you too to the empty room.

Dan was the kind of person that should listen to jazz and Brian Eno and paint in the middle of the night. He was the kind of person who chains himself to a bulldozer to save a century old tree. That’s how Phil saw him anyway. Designer trousers and penthouse parties and living in a literal castle didn’t suit him. As privileged as he seemed, and he was so careful to own his privilege, his life was oppressive to him. Phil’s free spirit, his self actualized vision for his life, it was more than Dan could ever hope for. He admired Phil and he envied him in a way.

He spent days off poking around the flat, exploring and learning Phil in more and more detail. Phil learned Dan too. He learned how he takes coffee and he memorized what he sounds like when he sleeps. He learned that he’s an incredibly loud and competitive gamer but that he smiles proudly when Phil finally beats him. And he learned that Dan’s circumstance and his family dynamic had invited more demons into Dan’s life than he could handle sometimes. He learned how to hold him and talk him through when those demons got too demanding.

When Dan showed up in the evening, his cheeks were red and he barely held back his tears.

“Dan?” Phil pulled him close held him in his arms. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Dan pulled away and paced the room, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t fucking do this anymore. I don’t want to. This isn’t who I am.” Phil watched as Dan moved about the room, manic. “But it is who I am, isn’t it? They groomed me like every prince before me, why do I have to want more? Why can’t I just be one of them so it doesn’t have to feel like this?”

“What happened?” Phil asked, trying to keep himself calm in the face of Dan’s distress.

“Paps spotted Dennis outside your place. Who knows how long they’ve been watching. They waited outside the shelter. Obviously, Dennis got me out a different way but they were out there, yelling. Asking what I’ve been up to, am I dating a commoner, am I gay? It always comes back to the gay question.” Dan stopped and sat on the sofa, looking up at Phil, his voice shook, “They stood outside a battered women’s shelter Phil. Shouting. And it’s my fault, because I won’t just grow up and fall into line, I brought that chaos to a place that’s supposed to be safe.”

Phil’s embrace knocked down Dan’s defenses and he sobbed, letting himself be held. Phil rocked and shushed him, fighting back his own tears. “It’s not your fault. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Dan gathered himself, pulling back to look at Phil. “Phil I’m so sorry, Dennis’ threats will keep them at bay for a couple days but they’ll be back. They’ll wait outside your door. Fuck. This shit just follows me everywhere. I’m fucking poison Phil.”

“Stop it Dan. I won’t let you do that. You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Well I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“You spend every day helping people, every day. Then you come here and you make me happier than I’ve ever been. You’re not poison, you’re everything.” Phil’s voice cracked a bit and he drew in his own shaky breath, trying hard to keep it together for Dan but failing. “Let them wait, I never go outside anyway. In a couple days, we’ll both be gone for Christmas. We’ll wait it out. It’ll be ok.”

Dan cried into Phil’s t-shirt till there were no tears left then followed Phil into bed where he slept. It was the deep sleep of exhaustion and truly letting go, the kind that comes when the one you’re with is wide awake, holding space, helping you carry the heavy load.

They spent the next day their favorite way, in bed. The mood was heavy but they had each other and it was ok. They ordered every meal in and watched their favorite Christmas movies, Gremlins and Die Hard, not quite catching the ending of either of them. In between, they talked. Topics like the queen’s opinion on Dan’s future, university, and paparazzi, were off limits. Instead, they discussed the colors in Phil’s eyes and how he once ate fish food as a kid. They talked about the wonderful nanny that cared for Dan and Adrian as kids and how she bakes the most amazing mince pies. They listed all the places they wanted to travel to together. Tomorrow morning Dan and Dennis would drive Phil to the ferry to the Isle of Man and Dan would be on his way to Windsor to spend Christmas with his family. They’d be apart for just shy of two weeks but it sounded like an eternity.

Winter mornings meant bright, glaring sun through the window. Dan rolled away from light and into the warmth of Phil. Phil always slept so deeply with Dan there in his bed. He didn’t even stir as Dan hooked his leg around his, pressing himself close to Phil’s side, nuzzling his nose into Phil’s neck, breathing in gingerbread scented body wash. Dan pressed his lips there, feeling the rhythm of Phil’s pulse and there was a hum of sweet satisfaction in response. Phil turned his body toward Dan and his arms enveloped this treasure of his.

“It’s not daytime. Go back to sleep.” He murmured, squinting as he opened his eyes..

“It is daytime, it’s bright in here.” Dan answered.

“Close the blinds, we can pretend it’s night and then we don’t ever have to go.” Phil held Dan as tight as he could.

“Just close your eyes.” Dan said and he kissed each of Phil’s eyelids as they fluttered shut. “There. It’s night. We have nowhere to be.” Dan’s lips met Phil’s and they kissed, slowly first, then building in tension and heat.

Phil moved his lips across Dan’s jaw and and bit at his earlobe. “Good. I wanna give you something to think about when we’re apart.” At those words, he disappeared under the duvet and the quiet house filled with Dan’s sighs. Dennis would just have to wait a little bit longer.