#OH AND THANK YOU TO MY SISTER FOR WRITING THE TEXT her handwriting is much better than mine dfkjghsdsdf

[rexwrendraws]

panel redraw from The Dreaming (Souvenirs) (1996) #19 because i thought it was funny :]

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Lepidopterophobia Prt. Two

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: People seemed to like that oneshot so I made a part two! Here is a link to part one if you want a refresher or something (Link). Word Count: ~11,329 (Again, holy shit. I do not know how I wrote so much. I blame the demon encounter that I forced myself to put in this fic and the totally unnecessary OC interaction lol) Hope you enjoy!

Shinobu was getting worried now. It may have been hiding behind sweet smiles and teasing words, but the worry was there nevertheless, churning deep within her like an undercurrent of a seemingly calm ocean cost.

She and (Y/n) had made it a habit to write each other at least once a week since they met about six months ago.

Such letters always made Shinobu feel extremely happy and giddy. Even the estate residents could determine when a letter came simply based on body language alone, although the melodic humming also helped on that front.

Giyuu had even witnessed the change first hand by chance one day and he admitted that it was the freakiest thing he had ever experienced. Especially when she walked past him and actually gave him a compliment before continuing to hum and glide down the hall. Giyuu did not know how to conduct himself in this Shinobu’s presence.

However this week was different, Mochi had not arrived, there was no letter. Shinobu quelled the initial disappointment and anxiety. Surely (Y/n) just had a tiring mission and fell asleep while drafting her message. It wouldn’t have been the first time after all. But when the second week was nearing its end, Shinobu was starting to crack.

She was admittedly a bit unfocused. Her honey sweet tone was still there, but her speech was sharp and clipped. She spent more time in her lab doing research well into the early hours of the morning, becoming more unkempt as another new dawn brought no news.

Aoi made sure Shinobu would eat. She also made it clear that the Hashira needed to be taking better care of herself in general as the young woman sulked her way into the infirmary.

“You’re worrying the younger girls because you look like you’ll collapse at any second and Kanao might not say it, but you’re worrying her too. You’re causing us all distress,” Aoi had told her, not pulling any punches. “(Y/n)-san would not be happy to see you like this.”

“Well, she isn’t here now, is she? She hasn’t been here since her first visit. Why should I care what makes her happy?” Shinobu’s seraphic voice laced with poison replied, an insincere smile painting her lips.

Aoi scoffed and rolled her eyes. “If only I knew, Shinobu-sama. I don’t quite understand you’re attraction to her myself. Maybe you should try writing her again.”

“I’ve already sent two letters. I’m not so desperate for attention to try for a third,” Shinobu responded rigidly. “My crow has always come back empty handed so I know someone is getting my messages. What more is there to do?”

“Didn’t she say in her last letter that demon attacks were becoming more frequent in her sector? Just give her some time. She isn’t that big of an idiot to ignore you on purpose.”

“I’m growing tired of this conversation, Aoi,” Shinobu sighed. “I’ll be going to the lab and I do not wish to be disturbed.”

“As you wish, Shinobu-sama. I’ll send someone over with your dinner later though, and you better eat it.” Aoi replied as Shinobu walked out.

Kanao came to stand by Aoi’s side and flipped her coin, heads. “I have not seen Shinobu-neesan seem so visibly upset in a long time.”

“Yes, she must really like (Y/n)-san a lot, huh?” Aoi frowned, making another bed.

Kanao flipped her coin again, but remained silent this time around.

“Well, that idiot better respond soon. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

***

Shinobu drowned herself in her research well into the night. Balancing equations, messing with beakers and microscopes and reading copious amounts of botany and organic chemistry texts. She was so absorbed in her work that she didn’t notice the faint tapping at the door that led out onto the engawa from her lab.

The tapping persisted almost frantically as Shinobu inked down some notes until a loud squawking caused her hand to jerk across the parchment and ruin her page. She almost didn’t care though, she leapt from her chair and slid the door open with enough speed for it to clack against the stopper hard enough to echo across the garden.

She beckoned the familiar raven to take perch on her arm, cooing and lightly stroking the feathered breast of the large bird with a sincere smile and hopeful eyes.

“Good evening Mochi,” she cooed softly. “What have you and (Y/n) been up to these past few weeks?”

“(Y/n), (Y/n)!” The bird mimicked, enjoying the head scritches Shinobu was supplying him. He held a leg out toward Shinobu and she deftly untied the parchment from his leg.

“Thank you for this, rest here for awhile. I’m sure my crow wouldn’t mind sharing some snacks with you.”

Mochi cawed excitedly, flapping his way into the corner with Shinobu’s crow who seemed a bit miffed by the disturbance, but ultimately did not mind the presence of the larger bird she had come to know over the last few months.

Shinobu sat back in her writing desk and unfurled the parchment with a slight tremor running through her hands. As she began to read through the letter, concern laced through her features. (Y/n)’s tone was there. The words came off like hers, but the handwriting was unfamiliar, completely off. Each character was shaky, and stray ink splattered the parchment throughout the letter. There was no way (Y/n) actually wrote this.

The suspicious letter contained an apology for tardiness that was spun in a way that made it rather humorous and light without downplaying the seriousness of the apology, a skill Shinobu only knew (Y/n) to have mastered so well. The message continued on to talk about the high number of demons still running rampant in the area and addressed points made in Shinobu’s previous letters, but she still couldn’t get over the hand writing, it just didn’t sit right with her.

“Mochi, did (Y/n) write this?” Shinobu asked, knowing she was asking a lot of the bird to actually try to hold a conversation in a human language.

“No write, can’t write,” the bird croaked while happily eating some berries.

“Why can’t she write?” Shinobu asked, her brow wrinkled with concern.

“Forgot, can’t say, not supposed to,” the raven replied nervously.

“Mochi, what happened, is she hurt?”

Mochi shifted uncomfortably. “Healing, will be okay. Resting.”

“Is that why she didn’t reply sooner, she got hurt?” Shinobu was mostly just saying that to herself as she began eyeing one of her medicine cabinets intently. She walked over to it and opened the cabinet doors now going into full-on healer mode. “She hasn’t said anything in two weeks so it must be serious,” she turned back to the raven who jumped at the intensity of Shinobu’s gaze and attempted to hide behind the much smaller crow. “Tell me what happened Mochi. I need to know what I must bring.”

“Bring?”

“Yes, now how bad she Mochi, please focus.”

“Arms broken. Head hurts. Feverish. I worry, but she says fine.”

“Fine she says, I’ll show her fine,” Shinobu muttered as she packed the necessary materials, a vein protruding angrily from her forehead. “I need to grab some other supplies from the infirmary, don’t move a muscle.” she commanded before practically teleporting out of the lab.

Shinobu grabbed additional medicines and medical supplies, rustling about the cabinets like a tornado until Kanao came in with an inquisitive sheen to her eyes.

Still unnoticed by her adoptive sister, Kanao flipped her coin and only when she was sure of the result, she spoke.

“Nee-san, are you going somewhere?”

“Oh, Kanao,” Shinobu spun around, “I’m glad you’re still up. I’m going on a mission for a few days, maybe longer. Take care of things while I’m gone please.”

Kanao stared blankly for a moment before flipping her coin once more. Looking back up at Shinobu she asked, “Is this about (Y/n)-san?”

Shinobu faltered in her movements slightly, almost undetectable, but not to Kanao’s sharp eyes.

“How could you tell?” Shinobu smiled almost sheepishly, a faint dusting of pink coloring her cheeks. A sign she knew she had been caught.

“You never bring that much medical supplies on missions for simple demon slaying,” Kanao stated plainly. “I know you have been worried about (Y/n)-san lately. Aoi said it was only a matter of time before you took matters into your own hands.”

“I can’t get much past my smart and observant girls, can I?” Shinobu gave her usual default smile, though it looked a bit more prideful than usual. She closed up the final cabinet and secured her medicinal bag over her shoulder. When she approached Kanao she squeezed her shoulders affectionately. “Look out for each other, make sure Naho, Sumi, and Kiyo keep up with their studies as well. I’ll try to be back in two days tops, but it may take longer if (Y/n) insists on being difficult. Goodbye for now, my little sister,” Shinobu released Kanao and waited patiently as the girl looked at the coin in her hand.

“Bye Nee-san, be safe,” Kanao said after a moment. Shinobu’s smile grew especially warm when Kanao had decided to speak on her own without the aid of the coin. With one last nod, Shinobu left the infirmary with a new energy about her.

***

Shinobu ran through the trees until dawn, following after Mochi as he flew above. As much as she wanted to get there as soon as possible, the many sleepless nights over the past two weeks had taken a toll on Shinobu’s physical state. She admonished herself for being so careless. How could she take care of (Y/n) if she couldn’t even take care of herself? She called for Mochi to stop for a moment and the unusual duo took roost on one of the trees thick and gnarled branches.

“How much further?” Shinobu asked, trying to disguise a yawn hidden behind a small hand.

“Be there by midday if rest short,” the bird replied.

Shinobu nodded, drinking a bit of water and stretching before resigning herself to continue on despite her muscles’ protests.

When the sun was at its highest and hottest was when Shinobu saw the weathered home Mochi was circling over. On closer inspection she recognized the insignia of the Wisteria Houses and she couldn’t help but quietly scoff to herself.

“Oh? Hello young lady, how may I help you?”

Shinobu turned and found herself looking down at a frail old woman who was even smaller than her. Realizing she had been staring, Shinobu began to answer the patient woman.

“Good afternoon, I believe you are currently looking over the demon slayer (Y/n), is that correct?”

“(Y/n)-chan? Ah yes, poor girl. She had a rough mission awhile back, she’s lucky she was with a team that night or I’m not sure she would have made it. She’s resting now I believe, but please do come in,” the old woman replied with the sweet raspiness of someone who has lived a full life and turned back towards the house, her hands trembling as she pushed the door open. She ushered Shinobu into a chair and fixed some tea for the exhausted Hashira who graciously accepted the cup.

“It is a rare honor to have a Hashira in my home, may I ask what brings you here?”

“I’m here for (Y/n),” Shinobu answered, assuming that the old woman had simply forgotten already due to her age.

“Yes, is she training under you, a Tsuguko perhaps?”

“Ah, no. She isn’t training under me,” Shinobu denied.

“I apologize, I suppose I just don’t understand then, why a Pillar of the demon slayers is taking time out of her surely busy schedule to tend to a slayer of a lower level who isn’t even under her instruction.” the old woman questioned.

“I’m afraid that is none of your concern.” Shinobu answered with a tight lipped smile. Perhaps this old woman wasn’t as senile as she had previously believed.

“I’m sorry deary, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that I saw you hopping after (Y/n)-chan’s raven and I thought you may have been the recipient of her sweetly composed letter. She asked me to write it for her you see. She had been fretting over what to say for days the poor thing,” the old woman tutted, raising her own teacup to her lips with a shaky grip.

“I see,” Shinobu nodded. “You are correct though, the letter was for me. That is how I knew that I should come.”

“That’s wonderful, Insect Hashira.” the old woman smiled.

“Hisa-san?”

Shinobu turned expectantly in the direction of the voice she hadn’t heard in months, unaware of the knowing smile the old woman was directing at her.

“Well, come with me young lady. The patient is in no shape to leave her bed,” Hisa explained motioning fo Shinobu to follow her down the hallway. Hisa approached another door and gave it a courtesy knock before sliding the door open.

“Hello (Y/n)-chan, how nice of you to join the world of the living again and look who’s here to visit you...”

Hisa made room for Shinobu to enter the room and the Hashira could feel butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she stepped forward.

“Shinobu!” (Y/n)’s eyes gleamed. She tried to sit up, but Shinobu glided over and pushed her back on the futon.

“Hello (Y/n), we have a lot to talk about,” Shinobu said with a smile, however the dark aura did not go unnoticed by (Y/n) as the heavily bandaged girl shifted her eyes nervously to another corner of the room.

“I’ll give you two some space. Have fun with your girlfriend, (Y/n)-chan,” Hisa waved before shutting the door behind her.

“Sh- We’re not- She’s not my girlfriend!” (Y/n) called back, clearly flustered.

“Oh my (Y/n), have you been embellishing the nature of our relationship?” Shinobu gasped, hiding a teasing smile behind her hand, feigning shock.

“No, of course not!” (Y/n) shook her head, trying to look anywhere that wasn’t Shinobu. She shook her head a bit too furiously, causing her to wince and groan.

Shinobu’s face turned serious as she inspected the bandages wrapped around (Y/n)’s head. Her arms were also tightly bound, slings kept the arms crossed firmly over (Y/n)’s stomach. Shinobu pushed (Y/n)’s hair away from her forehead to get a better look at the blood stained bandage. “When was the last time, Hisa-san was it? When was the last time she changed these bandages?”

“Um, maybe yesterday I think? I’ve been kind of out of it so I’m not totally sure.”

“Someone needs to hold these wisteria locations to higher standards if we really expect anyone to survive in their care,” Shinobu tisked, noting how the loose bandages easily came undone in her fingers.

“Hisa-san does her best, she’s really good honestly, we’ve just been dealing with a lot of demons lately so supplies are thin and more demon slayers have been coming and going than usual,” (Y/n) defended, taking a sharp intake of air when Shinobu’s fingers examined her head wound.

“I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it... This may sting a bit,”

(Y/n) hissed as Shinobu dabbed the head wound with a cold, wet cloth. Washing off the dried blood that was caked there so she could better see the wound. It was more like a large scrape, not a gaping wound as Shinobu had initially feared. “So, care to tell me how this all happened since you neglected to mention it in your letter?”

“Um,” (Y/n) paused to clear her throat, “I’ll try but it’s all kind of fuzzy in my mind.”

“Take your time,” Shinobu encouraged, replacing the bandage on (Y/n)’s head.

“Well, I was with an improvised squad, which isn’t uncommon, but this one guy was not having it,” (Y/n) sighed. “He was acting high and mighty all night. Talking about how the rest of us were slowing him down and just being an arrogant jerk.” (Y/n) recalled, an annoyed look upon her face.

“And how exactly is this leading up to how this all happened?” Shinobu smiled, moving to (Y/n)’s arms to get a proper look at the damage there.

“Oh trust me, he’s a major player in this mess,” (Y/n) huffed. “So anyway, we were tracking this demon, right? We followed its tracks to a cave in the side of the mountain range near a village and turns out there was a whole bunch of them in there—AGH!” (Y/n) jolted, a sharp pain caused by Shinobu yanking her left arm hard and fast, making it crack loudly. “Why the fuck did you do that!?” (Y/n) wheezed.

“Your arm wasn’t properly set. It may push your healing back a bit, but at least when your arm heals it will be in the proper position,” Shinobu explained, now moving her attention to the other arm. “Please continue your story.”

“Alright then,” (Y/n) grumbled, still feeling the bone throb under her skin, “So there was a bunch of them in the cave that came out to attack us and we were outnumbered, but they were relatively low level so it shouldn’t have been a problem. Then that arrogant jerk began using breathing techniques without any regard for the rest of us. He was using stone breathing I’m pretty sure, just one technique after the other and he caused a rockslide!” (Y/n) turned away from Shinobu and had a brief coughing fit from getting so worked up.

“Here, drink this,” Shinobu paused her re-wrapping of (Y/n)’s arms to hold a waterskin of medicated water to (Y/n)’s lips and the slayer graciously accepted, downing almost half the bag.

“Thanks,” (Y/n) sighed.

“You’re welcome,” came Shinobu’s sweet reply.

“So we were having to dodge boulders and fight the demons at the same time. One girl got her ankle slashed, ripped right through her tendon and she couldn’t get out of the way of the rockslide so I was trying to carry her away from the battle zone, but then that idiot got thrown in my direction and had the audacity to use the back of my head as a goddamn springboard to fling himself back into battle and I lost balance and fell forward face first into the dirt. The girl flew out of my arms and rolled a few yards and my arms were out in front of me. Before I could move, a boulder came in and crushed my arms,” (Y/n) explained, looking down at her newly wrapped arms.

“I think I would like to have a word or two with this slayer, is he still in this sector?” Shinobu asked calmly, a dark aura contrasting her tone.

“He is, but I’m afraid he wouldn’t be able to hear what you have to say, he was killed in the battle,” (Y/n) explained. “I didn’t see it, but that’s what Watanabe-san and I were told once we were brought back to safety,”

“Watanabe-san?”

“Oh, she was the slayer with the slashed tendon. We’ve been teamed up a few times in the past. She came here for medical attention but she had family nearby so she’s resting there.”

“She must have be grateful for your help that night, even if you ended up hurt as well, I’m sure she appreciated the effort,” Shinobu smiled as she finished whipping up a tonic for (Y/n)’s aching bones.

“She did, she offered for me to come with her to her uncle’s house but I told her I’d be fine here. I didn’t want to over burden her family.”

“You should have accepted, this place is kind of a dump,” Shinobu whispered with a conspiratorial smirk.

“Shinobu, that’s so rude!” (Y/n) whisper-yelled back at the mischievously smiling Pillar.

“Drink this, you’ll need to build up your strength before we can leave,” Shinobu commanded, pressing the lip of the cup to (Y/n)’s own.

(Y/n) nearly choked on the bitter medicine as Shinobu poured the contents down her throat. She shivered and made a disgusted noise when she finished chugging the mixture.

“That was terrible,” she wheezed, resting her head back down on the pillow.

“Don’t say that (Y/n), you’re hurting my feelings,” Shinobu mocked distress, “I worked so hard to make that for you after all.”

“I’m sorry, did I say terrible? I meant... tolerable, terrific! Thank you for helping me!” (Y/n) fretted, falling for Shinobu’s false grief.

“I’ll forgive you if you come quietly when it’s safe to move you,” she smiled, resting her palms on her knees.

“You keep saying we’re going somewhere. Where are we going? I’m not exactly in fighting shape at the moment,” (Y/n) lifted her slung and bandaged arms off of her stomach for emphasis.

“You’ll continue your recovery back at my estate of course. Did you really think I was going to leave you in this squalor?”

“I really wish you would stop insulting this place, Hisa-san works super hard and she is crazy fast and quiet so she could be anywhere!” (Y/n) shifted her eyes around the room before returning her gaze to Shinobu who seemed unbothered by the information. “I’m fine here, really. You don’t need to worry about me when you probably have more important things to do.”

“Are you questioning my discretion as a Hashira?” Shinobu’s smile grew, but failed to reach her eyes as she peered down at the slayer as if challenging her to speak against her plan again.

“No! Not at all, I just-“

“Great, we’ll leave tomorrow depending on your condition!” Shinobu clapped.

“But, the... the butterflies,” (Y/n) whispered, almost as if just speaking of them would be taken as an invitation to appear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to protect you in your vulnerable state,” Shinobu smiled more kindly, “Who knows, perhaps we could add exposure therapy to your rehabilitation training.”

“Please don’t,” (Y/n) pleaded.

“I still don’t understand why you dislike butterflies so much. Surely when given the option to fight alone against a demon moon or be in the same room as a butterfly you would pick the latter,” Shinobu cocked her head at (Y/n) who seemed to genuinely be mulling it over and the sight exasperated Shinobu. “Really, (Y/n)? Do you really need to think about it?”

“They just freak me out, okay!” (Y/n) shrugged the best she could, “They flutter around and I can never tell where they’re going! They have those long, skinny legs and creepy eyes and weird curly tongue things it’s just— ugh!” She shuddered.

Shinobu couldn’t help but laugh, making (Y/n) pout and narrow her eyes at her. Even as the tinkling laughter died down Shinobu’s soft expression remained and she allowed herself to smooth over (Y/n)’s hair before gently running a cold knuckle over the bruised skin of the girl’s cheek.

“I’ve missed your antics.” Shinobu sighed, her seraphic voice betraying how tired she was as the small statement slurred together ever so slightly.

“You seem tired, have you been sleeping well?” (Y/n) asked while basking in the attentions of the cool, calloused touch.

“You know how our work goes. I’m fine.”

A knock on the door brought the two girls out of the moment and Shinobu turned her head just as Hisa came in with two bowls of rice and vegetables. Shinobu was briefly impressed by the old woman, of whom she had not sensed an approach.

“Lunch for you two, please enjoy,” Hisa crooned as she set the tray on the low lying table nearby. “And here is bedding and a change of clothes for you should you wish for them Insect Hashira.”

Again Shinobu was a bit perplexed over the old woman’s ghostly ability. How had she not noticed the bundle of fabrics Hisa only now seemed to have carried? Perhaps she was too tired Shinobu mused, watching the old woman set up the futon for her.

“I’ll be there in just a moment to help you eat, (Y/n)-chan.” Hisa smiled as she patted the covers smooth.

“No need to trouble yourself, Hisa-san. I can take everything over from here,” Shinobu politely waved her off. “Please leave the rest of (Y/n)’s care to me.”

“If that is what you wish. Call if you require anything.” Hisa finished setting up Shinobu’s sleeping arrangements before slipping out of the room and sliding the door shut behind her.

Shinobu hummed quietly and got up to collect the food from the table, opting instead to set the tray at (Y/n)’s bedside. She lifted one of the bowls and pinched a sprout with the chopsticks and held it before (Y/n)’s face. “Say ahhhh,” She taunted playfully, waving the food before (Y/n)’s lips.

“You don’t need to feed me I can do it myself.” (Y/n) could feel her cheeks heat up as Shinobu persisted with her actions.

“What a bold faced lie, (Y/n). Or perhaps you hit your head harder than I thought? You do see how tightly I bound your arms, correct? Now open up, we don’t want to make a mess now do we?”

(Y/n) looked down at her covered arms slung snuggly over her stomach and made a soft sound of embarrassment. She turned shyly to Shinobu and received the bite, looking away bashfully as she chewed and swallowed.

“See that wasn’t so bad. Have some more, your body needs fuel to help it heal.” Shinobu spoke cheekily and raised the chopsticks again.

Shinobu continued feeding (Y/n) bite after bite until the bowl was empty. Then she replaced the used bowl with the full one waiting nearby and began eating her own lunch. She still sat by (Y/n)’s side and shared in conversation as she ate. Despite the plainness of the small meal, Shinobu felt like it was the best thing she’d eaten in a long time. Though she suspects it was as Mitsuri often told her, it’s the company with which one shares the meal that makes it taste so much better.

Shinobu’s lips curl into a small, sweet smile as she watches (Y/n)’s eyelids droop. When (Y/n) attempts to hide a yawn with her shoulder, Shinobu helps her lay back down from her reclined position. She only teasingly stroked (Y/n)’s hair three or four times before the slayer passed out. The smile grew a bit more proud as she realized (Y/n)’s total concentration breathing persisted even in her sleep. Shinobu studied the exhausted yet, peaceful expression. Drinking in the face she hadn’t seen in months, she wondered how a girl she had only met in person for a short period of time could already have such a prominent place in her mind.

Shinobu stretched her arms over her head and popped her spine, releasing a relaxed sigh as the tension escaped her back. The many nights of minimal, restless sleep had really taken a toll. She shuffled over to her own bed roll, only taking a moment to remove her blade, hairpin, and haori before slipping into the covers and succumbing to a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

It was well in to the next morning when Shinobu finally stirred. She fought with herself to sit up, a soft groan of displeasure left her mouth as she left the heat of her blanketed cocoon. She lazily scanned the room, her eyebrows knit together once her gaze landed on the empty futon a few meters away from her own. Her ear picked up the faint sounds of a struggle coming from the next room and her senses went into high alert.

Shinobu got up and grabbed her saya, a practiced hand poised over the hilt of her nichirin blade, she edged the door open with her foot and—

“Ahh!” (Y/n) squeaked and turned away from Shinobu to cover herself with her rumpled uniform top.

“Oh, (Y/n),” Shinobu laughed, “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get dressed, obviously. Can you leave please?” (Y/n) asked, trying to shoo the Hashira away.

“How long have you been trying to fit your fitted sleeves over those thick bandages?” Shinobu asked instead, smirking and leaning against the door frame.

“...I don’t want to talk about it.” (Y/n) mumbled, her shoulders slouched.

Shinobu giggled and made to approach, picking up the discarded kimono that (Y/n) had worn the previous day. “Your uniform would probably make traveling more comfortable, but I really rather not have to unwrap your arms. I recommend you keep wearing this, at least until we get home.”

“But it’s not practical, what if we encounter a demon?” (Y/n) worried.

“No offense (Y/n), but no matter what you wear, you won’t be much help with a fight in your condition,” Shinobu gave a sympathetic smile as she held out the kimono and discretely eyed (Y/n)’s scar, the previous injury that had brought them together. “Of course, if you’d rather go topless who am I to judge?” She teased.

“Oh my gods, give me that!” (Y/n) took the kimono from an all too pleased Shinobu and nudged her toward the door. “It took me twenty minutes just to put on pants, sorry that I would rather not let that struggle go to waste.” (Y/n) grumped, frown deepening at Shinobu’s tinkling laughter.

“If you need any help, just ask. I’d like to leave while it’s still light out.” Shinobu called through the door.

Shinobu took her time fixing her hair and packing up her supplies, but once that was done she was pretty much ready to go. She pulled on her haori and accepted a late breakfast from Hisa and she casually taunted (Y/n) through the door as she ate.

Finally, the berated girl emerged from the separate room wearing the kimono and her haori draped over her shoulders, looking almost as exhausted as yesterday. (Y/n) loosely held onto her uniform which Shinobu took from her to pack tightly into her bag.

“Oh dear,” Shinobu tutted, “You already tired yourself out haven’t you?”

“I can still walk, despite everything else my legs somehow are fine.”

“In that case,” Shinobu reached out and pinched (Y/n)’s thigh causing the other girl to let out a surprised, slightly pained yelp.

“What was that for?” (Y/n) hissed, gingerly rubbing the sore spot through her kimono.

“For removing your slings. You could have upset the alignment of your arms.” Shinobu scolded gently as she moved to fit the slings back around (Y/n)‘s arms and neck. Once she was satisfied, she helped (Y/n) eat breakfast, which was technically lunch at this point.

Shinobu gathered the rest of (Y/n)’s meager belongings, most noticeably her nichirin blade, and hefted her bag over her shoulder. (Y/n) offered to carry it, but Shinobu refused. Once they were ready to leave, Hisa created sparks for them and wished them good fortune during their journey. Shinobu and (Y/n) thanked Hisa, bid her goodbye and headed out.

Mochi cawed joyously and flew circles around the girls as they walked through the nearby village. He was causing a scene, but (Y/n) let him have his fun. He was just excited to be out and about with his slayer again.

“(L/n)-san!”

(Y/n) stopped and turned her head, prompting Shinobu to do the same. “Oh, Watanabe-san, hi!”(Y/n) greeted the girl hunched over a crutch with a couple small children circling her. They had also stopped to stare up at the boisterous raven.

“You aren’t heading out on a mission right now are you?” Watanabe asked, worry evident as she hobbled closer. She hadn’t even acknowledged Shinobu’s presence, instead focusing her wide eyes solely on (Y/n).

“Oh no,” (Y/n) shook her head, “Just transferring health care facilities. Kochou-sama’s orders.” (Y/n) half joked, turning to the Pillar next her and finally tearing Watanabe’s eyes away from her to look over at Shinobu.

“Kochou-sama!” Watanabe gasped and bowed clumsily at the waist. “I’m sorry I hadn’t realized sooner-“

“It’s fine, your off duty. Relax.” Shinobu gave the girl a small smile. Watanabe released a relieved sigh and a polite ‘thank you’ before eagerly turning her attention back to (Y/n).

“Well, this was good timing seeing as you’re leaving already,” Watanabe chuckled nervously. “I was just coming by to thank you again for saving me that night.”

“No need to thank me,” (Y/n) replied bashfully. “We both ended up in bad shape by the end of the night. If it wasn’t for the others we wouldn’t have made it back anyway.”

“It still means a lot to me. We’ve been on quite a few missions together now and it feels good to know that I can trust you to have my back.” Watanabe explained, a small dusting of blush appearing over her cheeks caused Shinobu’s smile to subtly twitch. “And I love to have yours too of course!” She said. Then she paused a moment before trying to amend her statement, “I mean like, you’ve got my back and I’ve got yours when we’re killing demons and stuff!”

“Yeah, I got it.” (Y/n) laughed. “I’m glad.”

“Kawa-nee,” one of the young children spoke up, tugging at Watanabe’s clothes, “Is she that girl you talk about all the time? The one you think is really pre—“

“Is really pre, pre- professional and good at her job? Yes, that’s our (L/n)-san haha!” Watanabe squished the little boy’s cheeks until his lips were pouty and protruding harshly. “Little cousins, such a handful!” Despite looking horrified, she tittered and blushed, her hands still smushing the poor boy’s face.

“Can I pet your birb?” Another child asked from behind Watanabe, pointing to Mochi still screaming in the sky.

“Uh-“

“I’m afraid we need to keep moving along,” Shinobu interjected before (Y/n) could speak. “(Y/n) is already quite tired in her weakened state and I’d hate to have her traipsing around in the dark longer than necessary. Surely you understand.”

“Of course Kochou-sama, forgive us,” Watanabe ran a hand through her hair, her face beet red with a sheepish expression. “I guess this is goodbye for now, (L/n)-san. I wish you a full and speedy recovery. I hope to be fighting by your side again soon!” The girl spoke sincerely, “And you know, maybe hang out sometime...” she added quietly under her breath. It was something that clearly wasn’t meant to be heard but it didn’t escape Shinobu’s acute hearing as the Pillar fought to not roll her eyes.

“Thanks, Watanabe-san. I wish you an excellent recovery too, rest well,” (Y/n) beamed, seemingly unaware of the effect she had on her poor fellow slayer.

“Yes, goodbye now. Lovely meeting you,” Shinobu waved with one hand and placed the other at the small of (Y/n)’s back to usher her along. Even as (Y/n) got into a steady gait, Shinobu persisted with her touch and gave Watanabe a plastic smile over her shoulder before redirecting her attention to (Y/n), her fingers pressing a hint further into the fabric at (Y/n)’s back as she gently pushed her out of the small, bustling village.

***

They had traveled a few decent kilometers and the sun had passed its highest point. Mochi had finally grown tired of his circling and took a precarious perch on the slant of (Y/n)’s shoulder as she and Shinobu continued to walk through the twisted woods.

“Do tell me when you need to rest, (Y/n). I don’t wish for you to pass out on me, I’ve got enough things to carry as is.” Shinobu spoke, breaking the comfortable silence that had surrounded them for awhile now.

“I’ll be fine,” (Y/n) spoke with an ill timed cough.

“Perhaps a quick break is in order after all.” Shinobu frowned, placing the back of her hand on (Y/n)’s scalding forehead she winced internally. “You’re burning up. We’re pushing too hard, rest.”

“I can keep going Shinobu, really.  I don’t want to slow you down any more than I already have.”

“(Y/n), I’m out here because I want to be. There is nothing more important to me in this moment than your well-being. Now sit under this shady tree, drink some of this medicated water, and rest.” Shinobu commanded, helping (Y/n) lower herself to the ground and offering a waterskin for the girl to drink from.

“Mmm ‘kay.” (Y/n) mumbled, too tired to argue further.

Shinobu simpered at the injured slayer then stood and turned to take in her surroundings. She looked to the trees above and counted veiny offshoots of the sun illuminated greenery above, killing time until (Y/n) could travel more ground.

I’m going to need to be especially vigilant tonight.

“ShinobuShinobuShinobuShinobu!”

Shinobu whipped her head around back to (Y/n) heart racing she was by her side in an instant and cupped the quivering girl’s cheeks in her hands. Her eyes switching between (Y/n) and the surrounding environment rapidly to try to understand what could possibly have upset her so- oh.

“Shinobu!”

“I see, I see. Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” Shinobu released the tension she had been holding and moved to shoo away the small black butterfly that was happily perched on one of the roots of the tree. She watched as it fluttered a few meters away to the trunk of another tree before Mochi spooked it even further away. She wanted to be mad at (Y/n), to scold her for scaring so badly over something that couldn’t possibly hurt her, but instead she smiled tenderly and crouched down to sit next to the quaking girl and pulled her into a caring embrace, having (Y/n)’s head rest in the crook of her neck.

“Don’t worry. I’m watching it, just focusing on your breathing. I’m here.” Shinobu cooed as (Y/n) hid her face in Shinobu’s chest.

True to her word, Shinobu watched the insect flutter around as Mochi attempted to chase it away. She found it odd that the butterfly would continue to stick around after being repeatedly dive bombed by the bird, but she didn’t think too much of it. Shinobu shifted her position ever so carefully to get a bit more comfortable since she could tell (Y/n) had fallen asleep. Whether out of stress or just plain physical exhaustion she wasn’t quite sure, but she’d wager that both played a part.

She allowed the girl to sleep a while longer, enjoying the simplicity of this rare peaceful moment and committing it to memory. They only had a few hours of daylight left now, so Shinobu begrudgingly patted (Y/n)’s back.

“(Y/n), it’s time to start moving again.” Shinobu’s seraphic voice called out.

(Y/n) groaned and shook her sleep addled head from her position on Shinobu’s shoulder, her nose grazed the side of Shinobu’s neck as she did so.

“(Y/n), night will soon befall us. We must go. However, once we get back to the Estate, you may sleep on me all you want if that’s what you desire.”

(Y/n)’s head shot up and she fell back against the roots away from Shinobu’s flirtatiously teasing smile, feeling the heat radiating off her face increase ten fold.

“Sorry!” (Y/n) stuttered out. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep!”

“No need to apologize, you looked very cute. So cuddly too,” Shinobu teased as she helped the poor girl to her feet. Before (Y/n) could reply, Shinobu pushed (Y/n) forward, her hand taking a now familiar perch over (Y/n)’s obi. “Let’s be on our way! Mochi, you can stop tormenting that butterfly now,” she spoke over her shoulder to the raven and watched him dive at the insect one last time before soaring above their heads.

“Why do you keep guiding me by the waist? I know how to get to where we’re going,” (Y/n) asked while staring warily over her shoulder at the black butterfly dodging a beam of light to continue lurking in the shaded grove.

“The forest floor is covered in gnarled roots and jagged rocks. I’d hate for you to trip and not be able to break your fall.” Shinobu explained. “Like that,” she giggled her whole arm now curled around (Y/n)’s waist as she pulled the girl back up before (Y/n)’s tripping could completely fell her. “You should really watch where you’re stepping.”

“But I need to watch the butterfly!” (Y/n) insisted, still looking back despite Shinobu’s advice.

“I’m standing right beside you.”

“What are you- oh, I see what you did there, Insect Pillar.” (Y/n) chuckled.

Shinobu continued to distract (Y/n) from her fear as they walked on. Telling (Y/n) about the last visit Tanjirou and his squad paid to the Butterfly Estate as well as an embarrassing story about Tomioka Giyuu that had both girls snickering at the poor man’s misfortune.

As dusk fell over the forest, Shinobu estimated they would make it home in a couple more hours. To travel by darkness wasn’t safe for numerous reasons, but at least they had a lovely full moon to light the way.

The conversation between the two girls naturally died off as the pinks and oranges of the sunset disappeared and night fell. It was necessary for them to stay alert of their surroundings, to be able to hear even the slightest shift in the wind beneath the near deafening songs of cicadas and crickets. Even Mochi flew high above the trees, silently searching for anything amiss.

(Y/n) shivered as a cool breeze shook the leaves of the trees and wished she could pull her haori more tightly over herself. She casually glanced to her left but soon did a double take, swiveling her whole head to the side and pausing in her footsteps. This alerted Shinobu as her hand stayed at (Y/n)’s back.

(Y/n) thought she had saw something. Something small and dark crossed the edge of her vision but whatever it was, if it was anything at all, was gone now. She turned to shake her head at Shinobu to communicate the momentary pause before they continued on the path with near silent footfalls.

They weren’t much further along when another dark shape crossed (Y/n)’s peripheral. Another chill overtook (Y/n)’s body and she could feel the little hairs on the back of her neck prickle to attention. She pursed her lips and side stepped out of Shinobu’s touch and stopped walking.

(Y/n) flickered her eyes between Shinobu’s and her blade twice. The Hashira interpreted the expression easily and poised her now free hand over the hilt of her blade as she scanned the thick woods around them. This part of the forest let in precious little light from the moon, only a few sporadic beams managed to kiss the cold earth below.

The cicadas and crickets had gone quiet.

Another particularly strong gust of howling wind rattled the leaves and pushed at the young slayers’ clothes and hair, yet still nothing emerged from the darkness. Shinobu and (Y/n) knew better than to lower their guard now however.

A few tense, painfully quiet minutes passed before (Y/n) heard it. A faint ‘fwtfwtfwt’ steadily growing in intensity. (Y/n) looked over to Shinobu who nodded in her direction. The Hashira had lowered her bag and (Y/n)’s sheathed blade to the ground in the nook between two roots of a nearby tree before withdrawing her own poison laced blade from its saya and holding it at the ready.

The noise grew louder, sounding like paper flapping rapidly in a windstorm and (Y/n) couldn’t stop the scream that shot out from her throat and escaped through Shinobu’s hastily placed finger tips that had been slapped over her lips.

Butterflies, at least a hundred if they had to guess, emerged from the darkness with the same inky black color of the one they encountered in the earlier that day.

(Y/n)’s lips quivered against Shinobu’s hand and the rest of her shook just as violently, yet her feet remained as firmly placed as a statue. Too consumed by fear to even think about bolting away.

There was nowhere to run anyway, the butterflies flew around them from all angles, more waiting just beyond the trees.

“You found my dinner have you, my lovelies?” A gravelly voice called from the darkness, followed by a sound that was like a dusty cackle mixed with a cough. “She moves rather quickly for being in such a weak state.”

A looming figure finally caught a beam of moonlight and (Y/n) wished desperately to have missed the state of such a miserable looking creature. It was a decrepit looking thing, a grotesque demon with two obscenely large, vacant compound eyes that protruded far from its face. The demon’s faded blue kimono was torn and frayed at the hem, revealing bare feet caked in dried blood and dirt. It was an old, ragged relic that paid homage to humanity long since lost.

“Ahh, there’s the damaged goods,” The demon smiled sinisterly at (Y/n), its bulbous eyes unmoving, “Just the scent of your fear alone is oh so delectable. I can’t wait to taste the rest!” the demon’s voice crackled, its neck craned to scrutinize (Y/n)’s form, a long, wire thin tongue escaped chapped lips for a moment in a poor attempt to wet them.

“Ara, what an abomination you are,” Shinobu taunted, stepping in front of (Y/n) to obscure her from the demon’s view, “You’ve really made a mess of things you know? I was going to help (Y/n) get used to butterflies but showing your repulsive form has surely driven her further into fear. I’ll have to dispose of you quickly for causing such a setback.” Shinobu spoke, her lips quirked upward in a kind of smile that somehow radiated pure anger and disgust.

“Be gone, slayer. Your blood is no good. My babies have whispered of you. They assessed you in the daylight, the girl is slowing you, leave her to me. You cannot protect her while fighting my kaleidoscope, leave her now and you’ll live to see another sun.” The demon spoke as if it was being most generous, even chivalrous, with its proposal.

“My, what ludicrous words you speak. I have half a mind to cut out your tongue over such a suggestion. My blade may not be suited for chopping heads, but for this purpose it should work just fine!” Shinobu leapt up into the trees, the sudden movement was followed by a swarm of black butterflies.

(Y/n) was breathing heavily, trying to regain total concentration with no success. She had no idea what to do. She had no way of helping Shinobu in her condition. There was nowhere to go-

“Mochi!” (Y/n) yelled out into the sky. The raven was busy avoiding a smaller swarm of demon insects, performing various swoops and dives to stay out of their way. “Lose those butterflies and go to the Estate! Get help!” The raven released a distressed caw, reluctant to leave his slayer behind, but with a few well made aerial maneuvers he spun away from the insects’ traps and flew off into the night. But not before squawking an ominous warning.

“Careful, draw much blood so sharp!”

“Blood, sharp? What-“

“Troublesome girl, by the time anyone gets here the only thing left to help with will be cleaning your entrails from the moss and roots!” The demon lurched forward, the motion encouraged (Y/n) to finally find her legs, bolting just before the demon could reach her with its gnarled claws. She could feel the displaced air from the missed swipe at her neck.

“Fuck, fuckfuckfuck!” (Y/n) must have yelled the expletive a thousand times as she stumbled away from the hungry beast, between the length of her kimono and the binding of her arms her efforts alone would surely not be enough to escape.

“Run all you like, my babies show me all. Even now I see the other human hopping amongst the branches above looking for an opening she won’t find. It’s all hopeless.”

As the demon slowed its pursuit, butterflies flanked (Y/n)’s sides as she continued to run. She made a particularly hard turn and fell forward, having just enough forethought to twist so her back hit the ground rather than her slung arms.

As she tried to bring herself back to her feet, something caught her eyes that made them blow wide open. The butterflies that had been hot on her trail had been embedded deep into the bark of the tree she had ducked behind. As she processed the information the demon drew closer in the moonlight until its shadow loomed over (Y/n) who was still struggling to get up.

“You’re mine!” The demon snarled, unfurling its whiplike tongue.

“Dance of the Bee Sting: True Flutter!” Shinobu had re-emerged from the shadows of the trees at lightning speed, her blade poised to strike deep within the demon’s back.

The demon grinned wickedly, (Y/n) could see herself reflected in its gargantuan eyes, as well as another wave of butterflies flying around her in a beeline towards Shinobu.

“Sharp!” (Y/n) finally understood, but everything was happening much too fast. “Shinobu, stop!” (Y/n) screamed.

Shinobu’s breath hitched and she changed her trajectory at the very last moment to take a forward tumble and land a few meters away from the demon’s side. She quickly burst forward once her feet made contact with the earth and less than gracefully scooped (Y/n) from the ground, half carrying her as she continued to hop away.

“I hope you had good reason for that little outburst,” Shinobu’s voice strained as she tried to maintain her grip, her arms already aching. A familiar self loathing at her lack of physical strength bubbling to the surface.

“Shinobu, the butterflies’ wings are sharp enough to slice into trees. You would have been cut into ribbons if you flew into them!” (Y/n) hastily informed. “The demon said it could see through the butterflies, so even if its not looking directly at you, if there is a butterfly tailing you it knows where you are!”

“What an annoying creature,” Shinobu huffed, as she struggled to lean (Y/n) against a large boulder to help her regain her footing. “Long range battles are less than favorable.”

“It’s only a matter of time before it catches up again, what can we do? Mochi probably hasn’t even made it to the Estate yet,” (Y/n) murmured worriedly, mind whirring as fast as possible to come up with a solution.

“You needn’t worry, (Y/n),” Shinobu brushed her fingers over (Y/n)’s jaw and tilted her head so their eyes would meet, “I merely stated that long range unfavorable, in order to kill this demon, I’ll simply have to move so fast that it won’t matter if it can see me coming and remove those pesky eyes.” She smiled.

“But Shinobu-!”

“(Y/n), I certainly hope you aren’t doubting my abilities. Perhaps in your very lax use of titles and honorifics you’ve forgotten that I hold rank over you, yes? The highest rank a demon slayer can achieve?”

“I’m very sorry, Kochou-sama! That wasn’t my intention!” (Y/n) bowed awkwardly, a nervous sweat rolling off her brow.

“I didn’t say you had to stop being informal with me, just trust that I know what I’m doing, silly girl,” Shinobu smiled affectionately at her chagrined companion before spinning gracefully on her toes to face the dark abyss that was steadily growing louder, her nichirin sword at the ready, “Now, listen carefully and do as I say...”

***

A few moments later, they were under attack once again, the butterflies descended upon them in a flurry, but they were ready.

(Y/n) and Shinobu split off, a majority of the demon bugs swarmed after Shinobu as (Y/n) clambered back to where Shinobu had discarded her bag. It was still quite a ways off and (Y/n) could only hope the demon was as slow as Shinobu believed it to be. Sure, it seemed to take pause during a few points in its chase, but it could just as easily be toying with them.

(Y/n) nearly tripped due to a shallow hole in the dirt, but was lucky enough to regain her balance and keep going despite the disruption of her forward momentum. She must have cursed her useless arms over a million times in the last ten minutes alone.

“I really hope you know what you’re doing Shinobu!” (Y/n) hissed to herself as one butterfly got to close and managed to swipe her cheek, a streak of blood mingled with stinging sweat.

Finally she saw the discarded bag and her sword which she wished desperately to be able to use. She had no time to stop and figure out how to pick the bag up so she made a little prayer that her uniform would cushion the valuable vials Shinobu said were inside and kicked the bag high into the air, managing to catch the strap in her teeth, and kept running.

(Y/n) made a large arc around another thick grouping of trees and began making her way back into Shinobu’s general area. (Y/n)’s head and heart were pounding and her vision was blurring dangerously. And that was the least of her problems. Adrenaline or no, (Y/n) was sure she was at her limit and was going to crash very soon.

“I have grown tired of this game!”

(Y/n) cried out as the demon lunged from the shadows and tackled her to the ground, it’s mouth frothing and dripping foamy saliva onto (Y/n)’s kimono. (Y/n) managed to kick the demon off and she scooted frantically backwards, watching the angry monster crawl after her with its tongue lashing at her retreating ankles.

“This wasn’t part of the plan! This wasn’t part of the plan!” (Y/n) chanted to herself as she ripped one of her arms free from its sling, wincing through the pain as she straightened it and dug through the bag while still scrambling backward.

“Uhehehe! You’re little friend is busy with a special addendum of this demon blood technique of mine. I left her with enough of my babies to make a clone of myself. There are no obvious differences to be found, she will die believing she was truly facing off with me,” the demon cackled, fully clutching onto (Y/n)’s ankle and dragging her back, “little did she know I was really here, devouring her friend!”

“Devour this, bitch!” (Y/n)’s arm withdrew from the bag with a surgical syringe in her bandaged fist and stabbed it deep into the nearest eye of the miserable creature, draining the purple liquid into the gelatinous mass.

The demon roughly pushed the girl back and released a most horrendously shrill scream into the night. It reeled back on its haunches and clutched at its face.

“What have you done to me! My eyes! My eyes!” It bellowed, its eyes had begun to deteriorate at a rapid pace, a purplish red puss leaked from its tear ducts as it blindly grasped at (Y/n)’s legs. “I’ll make you wish you were never born!”

(Y/n)’s eyes clenched shut, she had no strength left to continue fighting, everything hurt so much she couldn’t even move to defend herself any longer. She could feel the hot breath against her neck, but then the sensation was quickly replaced with that of the cool night breeze and her eyes shot open to see a pure white haori flutter against her cheek.

“Kanao-san!” (Y/n) cheered, her expression one of euphoric disbelief.

“Where did you go you slippery little worm!” The demon shrieked, ripping madly at the ground with its claws.

Kanao stopped a safe distance away from the ranting beast and laid (Y/n) onto the grass and began assessing the beyond beat up slayer before her.

“Wait, Kanao-san, the demon needs to be dealt with and we need to find Kochou-sama.” (Y/n)’s speech was hurried and a bit slurred, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to stay present in the moment and (Y/n) was trying very hard to stay lucid to update Kanao on the situation.

Kanao stared down at (Y/n) then up at the writhing demon, then back down at (Y/n). She gingerly adjusted (Y/n’s neck and head so that she was looking back at her tormentor of the night and could see what was about to take place. (Y/n)’s heart filled with relief as a familiar blur, that was truly very blurry at this point, ambushed the demon from the trees. “She’s okay...”

“Dance of the Dragonfly: Compound Eye Hexagon!” Shinobu speedily stabbed the demon multiple times, injecting it full of her poison. She was absolutely furious. Not only had the demon wasted her time with that cheap parlor trick clone, it had left (Y/n) in worse shape than Shinobu had found her in the care of the Wisteria House.

She dug her heel harshly into the demon’s ribs once she got a good look at (Y/n) as Kanao tended to her. Shinobu’s jaw set tightly and she glared darkly at the demon writhing and gasping under her foot.

“You,” Shinobu spoke lowly. “I wish I could kill you a hundred more times, but this will have to do. I’ve used my most agonizing blend of poison after all.” She waited for the demon to release one final wheeze before stepping away, crushing a wilting remnant of a demonic butterfly into ash beneath her foot as she made her way over to Kanao and an unconscious (Y/n) with a visibly pained expression.

“Thank you for your impeccable timing and diligence. When I heard that scream I thought... You got to her just in time,” Shinobu knelt down opposite Kanao, beside (Y/n), checking over the girl’s body for any injury that could not wait to be dealt with.

“Mochi was invaluable. I wouldn’t have even known to come to the forest without him. He’s guiding a couple Kakushi here as we speak,” Kanao reported as she would upon completing a mission.

“I’m glad,” Shinobu twined her idle fingers with those on (Y/n)’s left hand and closed her eyes wearily. “I’ve done nothing but put her in danger tonight. She needs to be kept in hands stronger than mine.”

Kanao hesitantly reached out and covered (Y/n) and Shinobu’s joined hands with her own, meeting her sister’s curious gaze a bit nervously. “I... I don’t think (Y/n)-san could be in more capable hands than your own, Neesan.”

“She’s right.”

Kanao and Shinobu blinked at each other before tilting their heads downward to find half open (e/c) eyes staring back up at them.

“It was a strange and clever demon, it targeted me specifically because it observed my injuries and knew I’d be easy pray. If I had been at the top of my game, or if you didn’t have to worry about me, you would have been able to take out that demon much faster. It took advantage of us, so don’t belittle yourself, please.” (Y/n) smiled warmly and weakly squeezed Shinobu’s fingers.

“You’re too kind,” Shinobu gave a small smile in return, “Don’t strain yourself now, rest.” She spoke softly, but (Y/n) continued to babble in her feverish, exhausted haze.

“I just don’t want you to be sad, you know? You work so hard and you’re so cool and smart and beautiful so, yeah, gods I’m so tired. Imma take a nap righ’ here. Night.”

“(Y/n), (Y/n)!”

“Ah!”

Mochi had swooped in from high above the trees and landed on (Y/n)’s chest with wings outstretched and proceeded to hop around her torso and cry with relief.

Shinobu gently admonished the bird, offering her arm as a more acceptable perch as (Y/n) groaned and turned in on herself.

“Kochou-sama, Tsuyuri-sama!” two Kakushi called as they emerged from the trees, one cradled (Y/n)’s sword in their arms as they made their hasty approach.

“Oh gods, you again?” One of the Kakushi griped once he caught sight of (Y/n) on the ground. “You aren’t going to fight me when I pick you up again, are you?”

(Y/n) pouted and shook her head slightly, fighting to keep consciousness despite claiming that she was going to sleep.

“Shinobu promised to keep the butterflies away, it’s fine.” She mumbled, forgoing usual formalities that she would normally use in the presence of others.

“What do butterflies have to do with anything?” the other Kakushi wondered aloud, scratching their head with the hilt of (Y/n)’s blade.

“Just ignore her, it’s been a long night and I’d like to get home,” Shinobu waved them off, trying to distract from (Y/n)’s slip of her self proclaimed, ‘most embarrassing secret’.

The gruff Kakushi picked (Y/n) up and with a little help from Kanao, got her slung over his back.

“Ugh, everything hurts. Don’t bounce so much,” (Y/n) whined, her voice muffled by the Kakushi’s back.

“Quit complaining I-“

“Do be gentle with her please,” Shinobu interjected, she gripped the Kakushi’s shoulder and gave him a dazzling smile that shook him to his very core.

“Y-yes ma’am!”

***

(Y/n) awoke several hours later. She was disoriented, but clean and warm in the comfort of the Butterfly Estate’s infirmary.

“(Y/n)-san woke up!” Kiyo exclaimed from (Y/n)’s side, startling the girl from her haze between sleep and wakefulness.

“Hey, Kiyo, how long was I out?” (Y/n) asked the small girl at her bedside who was quickly joined by Naho and Sumi scurrying over from the opposite side of the room.

“You’ve been asleep for over three days since you got back. Shinobu-sama slept a lot too. Not as much as you, but once she had you taken care of she slept almost all day!” Kiyo informed. “It’s been awhile since Shinobu-sama has slept so soundly.”

“I’m glad she’s been resting. That fight was, kind of intense to say the least,” (Y/n) shuddered just thinking about that battle. She was sure she’d be seeing long, whipping tongues, bulbous eyes and razor sharp butterflies in her nightmares from now on. She needed to become even stronger. “Has Kochou-sama said anything about when my recovery training will begin to you girls?”

“Hmmm no,” Sumi shook her head.

“She just asked to make sure you don’t leave your cot and to call for her if your condition worsened.” Naho supplied.

“You are in no shape to even think about recovery training right now.”

Everyone jumped and turned to the door, observing Shinobu as she crossed the threshold into the infirmary. The younger girls parted for Shinobu, the Hashira took ahold of (Y/n)’s chin and jaw in one hand and gently turned it this way and that to check the cuts and bruises that marred the slayer’s face. She released a quiet, satisfactory hum seeing that nothing appeared infected. As she continued her evaluation, she continued to speak, “Your body has been through a considerable amount of stress to say the least. The way I see it, you’ll be out of commission for a couple months at the very least.”

“A couple months? But—!”

“Shhh,” Shinobu adjusted her hand to cover (Y/n)’s lips and stifle her protests. “I will hear no ‘buts’ about it. This is not up for debate. Now you will not leave this bed until I have personally cleared you to do so. Have I made myself clear?” Shinobu’s eyes stare relentlessly into (Y/n)’s, almost threateningly so, as she slides her hand to rest on the bedridden slayer’s shoulder, awaiting an answer.

“Crystal clear,” (Y/n) squeaked, trying to sink further into the bed. Shinobu squeezed their shoulder gingerly before withdrawing her hand completely with a satisfied smile.

“I’m glad you understand,” Shinobu hummed approvingly. “Now, you must be hungry. Girls,” she turned to Sumi, Kiyo and Naho, “see if Aoi needs help with dinner, please.”

“Yes, Shinobu-sama!” the girls nodded vigorously, waving goodbye before disappearing out of the room and down the hall with the soft thuds of tiny feet on wood.

“Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” Shinobu asked, directing her attention back to (Y/n).

“Hmm? Oh, I’m okay. Just, tired. Sore.” (Y/n) startled a bit, hoping it hadn’t been too obvious that she had been staring at Shinobu while the youngest girls of the estate took their leave.

“I see,” Shinobu hummed, setting herself to sit on the edge of the bed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” (Y/n) flexed her ankle, hitting her foot against Shinobu’s side, “I wish you would believe me when I say that.”

“It’s hard to argue the contrary. I did take you away from the Wisteria House after all. As shoddy as the building is, at least the wisteria would have kept you safe.”

(Y/n) moved to kick at Shinobu again, but the Hashira blocked the foot, leveling a warning glance at the bedridden slayer.

“You know, I was really surprised when you came.” (Y/n) admitted, turning to look out the window. She flinched when she noticed the butterfly on the other side, but kept her eyes on it, watching. “It made me really happy, actually.”

Shinobu blinked, unsure of how to proceed. She didn’t need to however as (Y/n) kept talking.

“I had been looking for an excuse to come by, to visit. I didn’t know what you’d think. I thought that you were just fine with being pen pals and me showing up would be weird, and then I thought about the butterflies and I just lost my nerve every time I thought about it. And then I got hurt again and I thought the letter I had Hisa-san write would be good enough for you, but you came to see me for yourself,” (Y/n) paused and gulped nervously, still watching the butterfly as it was joined by another.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I? I just wanted to tell you that it meant a lot that you would take time to come look after me when your so busy. Even when it got dangerous, I can’t say that I regretted it because I was just happy to be with you— Eep!”

Shinobu moved from her perch at the end of the bed to lay over (Y/n)’s body, her face hidden in (Y/n)’s neck.

“Shinobu!”

(Y/n) felt rumblings over her neck and chest growing in intensity and although it hurt, she smiled brightly as Shinobu’s laughter racked her body.

“Thank you.” Shinobu chuckled once she had reined in her laughter. “That was very sweet of you to say. Aren’t you embarrassed to speak so candidly?”

“Should I be?” (Y/n) asked, nervously. “Oh gods, I didn’t read this wrong, did I?”

Shinobu rose herself to rest on her elbow, her other hand raised to silence the girl below her before her second guessing got too out of hand and tapped her nose playfully. The action drawing (Y/n)’s up to Shinobu’s filled with mirth and warmth.

“You have nothing to worry about. Relax, don’t over exert yourself.”

“So, you...?”

“Mhmmm,” Shinobu smiled, curing a lock of (Y/n)’s hair between her fingers, “so don’t stress. After all, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other while you heal over the next few months. And then, once you heal and are able to take on missions again, maybe you won’t have to think twice about coming over for a visit, hm?”

“I- I suppose not.” (Y/n) smiled bashfully at the butterfly goddess above her.

“Shinobu-sama, you’re going to crush her!”

Shinobu and (Y/n) whipped their heads to the door where Aoi, Kanao, and three mildly concerned young girls stood with food trays in hand.

“My, I’m not that heavy am I? Choose your answer wisely,” Shinobu cocked her head playfully in (Y/n)’s direction, watching her shake her head and laugh.

“Not at all my lady. No more heavy than a blanket really.”

“Ugh, is this what I’m going to have to put up with now?” Aoi groaned and rolled her eyes, placing a tray on the nightstand beside (Y/n)’s bed while fighting the smile that threatened to tug at her lips.

Aoi watched as the younger girls cheered and giggled, crawling on to the bed to chatter on about anything that came to mind as they ate their own dinners. Even Kanao had pulled up a chair, a relaxed smile on her face. Aoi begrudgingly pulled up her own chair, basking in the warmth of the moment despite the strange seating accommodations that certainly weren’t befitting of a proper dinner.

“So annoying.”

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Thirty Two

Masterlist

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 8.6k+ (opps)

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, PTSD moments

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers x Sam Arias

This Part: Two weeks before the surgery, the Danvers sisters find out something about their Mom and the Superfriends go bowling!

Surprise! Two days later! What is going on? I had a lot of fun writing this. Sorry it got so long!

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom

2 Weeks Before The Surgery

Emma slowly wakes up and stretches her whole body while voicelessly yawning. Generally her sleep hasn’t been as disturbed as before, but Emma is still finding she doesn’t feel as refreshed as she should when she wakes up.

Her hand reaches out for Lena, but finds the space next to her empty and cold. She blinks her eyes open and silently sighs when there is no sign of her girlfriend.

Lena had warned that she may have to work on Saturday due to the volume of business piling up. But she'd already said she needed to recharge.

Still.

Even though Sam and Lena have been hiring more staff to work the caseloads and Lena has been supervising the team leaders in the labs. The workload just seems never ending for L-Corp at the moment.

Causing Emma to barely see her girlfriend this week leaving Lena to usually stumble tiredly into the apartment after Emma has gone to bed. She’d sleepily brush her teeth, flop into bed, sometimes fully clothed and make Emma jump awake by the bounce of the bed. If Lena was still clothed in her tight business clothes, Emma would carefully change Lena into her pyjamas so she could sleep more comfortably. Emma would then kiss her on the forehead due to the raven haired beauty already being asleep.

Then Lena would wake up before her alarm, leaving Emma to sleep in as Lena quietly sneaks out of the apartment to head to L-Corp before sunrise. There wasn’t even much time for them to have lunch together but Emma would savour the moments she could have with Lena.

However, last night when Lena stumbled through the bedroom door, Emma had still been awake and once Lena crawled into bed and into Emma’s arms, she had groaned that she would take Saturday off to recharge.

‘Guess not.’ Emma thinks sadly while rolling out of bed to use the bathroom. She wobbles slightly as the room spins but Emma was getting used to the sensation.

Afterwards she grabs her phone and sees a message from her Mom

Eliza: Morning Sweetheart! Was wondering if you and Lena wanted to grab breakfast/brunch/lunch with me? Depending on what time you wake up of course!

Emma’s heart warms at how her Mom always wants to include Lena in their outings, which evidently, has started to dwindle. Emma glances at the time on her phone and sees it’s just gone 10:30am.

Emma: Yes please! Although it will be just me cause Lena has to work. 🥺

Where would you like to go? Do you want me to pick you up?

Due to everything happening Eliza had decided to rent an apartment that was close to the DEO and in a location that was in the middle of her daughter’s apartments. Emma was still impressed that her Mom managed to achieve all this in such a short time. But once her Mom’s mind was set on something, she went for it and no one would dare tell her to go back to Midvale.

Eliza: That’s a shame. How about that beach cafe you rave about so much?

Emma snorts at her Mom’s text.

Emma: Mom, I rave about a lot of beach cafés…

Eliza: Is that sarcasm I detect?

Emma: Noooo

Eliza: Anyway, you choose sweetheart, I am ready when you are. Just let me know when you are leaving.

Emma: Great! Give me 15 mins!

Emma quickly places her phone on the bed and races to the walk-in wardrobe, having had her shower the night before she waited for Lena to come home.

Suddenly the room spins and warps around her. Emma closes her eyes, waiting for the moment to pass. Thankfully it does and she continues her task. Choosing blue skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with gold stars on and a black hoodie. She stuffs her feet into black converses and grabs her phone, texting her Mom and places it into her messenger bag.

Emma: Just leaving now.

But as Emma heads for the door she notices a piece of paper on the island. Intrigued, she zips over, banging her knee into the corner of the unit. Unknowingly cracking the hard unit slightly.

‘Mother fucker!’ Emma’s mind screams as she rubs her knee before focusing on Lena’s handwriting.

‘Good Morning my love,

I’m sorry for leaving you like this but I have to go into work. I will hopefully be able to come to the bowling alley. If not, please apologise to Nia and give her a hug from me.

All my love, Lena x’

Emma lets out a voiceless sigh, she knew Lena was not in the apartment, but seeing the proof frustrates her. Disappointment in her girlfriend starts to creep in, she hopes Lena can make it to the bowling alley, not for her, but for Nia. Who has been bouncing around like a puppy with how much she was looking forward to spending time with the Superfriends to celebrate her birthday.

Due to Lena’s connections they’ve managed to hire a VIP private room with a few lanes, meaning once they are through the doors they don't need to have any face modifiers activated.

Because of Lena’s note, Emma grabs Nia’s birthday gifts and card, just in case Emma doesn’t return to the apartment before the party.

Her phone bleeps and Emma quickly takes it out as she exits the apartment.

Eliza: Okay Sweetheart! Drive safe!

Emma rolls her eyes at her Mom’s message and resists sending a sarcastic comment back. Instead she smiles down at her phone while she enters the elevator and activates her face modifier. She chooses a face with a beauty mark like Marilyn Monroe and she can’t help but pull a sexy pout while studying the new face in the mirror of the elevator.

Soon the doors open into the garage level and Emma approaches the L-Car, while mournfully staring at her bug. She gets into the car Lena designed for her and drives to her Mom’s apartment.

Eventually she pulls up outside Eliza’s building and finds her Mom is already waiting outside, with J’onn by her side. They haven’t noticed her arrival as they continue talking. Emma watches them with interest, noticing the smiles on their faces and how close they are standing while facing each other. Her eyes lower and widen at the realisation that they are holding hands.

Emma gets out her phone and records a short video of the pair interacting, zooming in on their joined hands before turning the camera on herself and raising an eyebrow. Immediately she sends the video to her sister’s group chat and another to Lena.

Emma: Morning love! Hope work is going okay? So… Picking up Mom for brunch and I’ve come across this… I don’t know how to feel… I want to squeal in happiness and simultaneously wretch! Oh Rao… We’re gonna have to give him the shovel talk aren’t we? 😬

Suddenly there is a knock on the passenger window, making Emma jump in her seat. Looking over she realises her Mom is standing by the door, waiting to be let in and Emma unlocks the door.

“Morning Sweetheart.” Eliza says while  sliding into the car and gives her youngest daughter a tight hug.

When they part, Emma looks around for J’onn.

“Oh he’s already left, doesn't want the shovel talk just yet.” Eliza jokes as she puts on her seat belt, Emma tilts her head, wondering how he would know that. “He heard your thoughts as you were messaging your sisters and Lena.”

Emma snorts and shakes her head, of course J’onn would have heard her. She  drives the car away from the pavement and back into the traffic. The pair stay in comfortable silence as they listen to the radio with Emma tapping along to the beat. Eliza has been learning some sign language but knows Emma won’t be able to communicate while driving the car.

About half an hour later they pull into a car park by a very long beach and Emma grabs her phone to communicate with her Mom. She sees multiple messages from her sisters but decides she will look at them later. Instead opening the notes app and writing a message out for her Mom.

‘Do you mind walking 20 minutes to the café? I can see if there are more spaces near it, but they are generally full.’

Emma shows her typed out words to her Mom.

“Of course sweetheart! I know I’m old, but I’m not that old!”

Emma shakes her head in amusement. Not liking the thoughts of how her Mom is growing older, that her blonde hair is getting lighter and more lines are appearing on her face.

As Eliza goes to pull the handle on the door Emma stops her, causing Eliza to look back at her daughter.

“Sweetheart?”

Emma circles her face, indicating she needs to engage her face modifier.

“Oh! Of course!” Eliza quickly taps her temple and her face morphs into another.

Emma silently sighs as they both get out of the car, hoping the face modifiers can be made obsolete soon. When Emma closes the door she stumbles slightly as the world spins but she manages to catch herself on the car. She looks over at her Mom, but luckily it seems like she doesn’t notice.

“So! Which way do we go?” Eliza asks as she links her arm with Emma. Her daughter points down to the path leading down to the beach and the pair walk in sync along the coast.

Both breathe in the salty sea air and enjoy watching the waves as they gently crash against the shore.

“I’ll never get over how beautiful the sea is.” Eliza comments and Emma nods in agreement. The colours were especially beautiful today, more turquoise than blue.

“Do you remember the amount of times you’d drag us down to the beach? How you wanted to go, even when it was raining?” Eliza smiles brightly at her daughter and Emma nods. Remembering the amount of pictures showing Alex and Jeremiah sat together while Emma enjoyed being in the sea. “And then once you found out about surfing, that was it! Your Dad and Alex put their foot down when you wanted to go all the time.”

Unable to respond Emma just smiles at the memories and the utter thrill she felt when she managed to catch her first wave. How her parents cheered and Alex tried to look unimpressed, but her eyes gave her away that she indeed was impressed and proud of her sister.

Eliza continues reminiscing as they walk towards the beach hut café Lena and Emma had gone to a few weeks ago.

“Oh this looks wonderful!” Eliza says as she steps through the door and follows Emma to a free table by the window. Eliza sits and takes in the beach decor of the cafe. The white walls and ceiling with the wooded furniture and beach elements in the decoration.

Emma grabs her phone and types out a message for her. ‘Yea Lena and I love it here.’

“I can see why.”

Their waitress comes over and greets them, handing them menus for them to look over.

“What drinks can I get ya?” The waitress pulls a pencil from behind her ear.

“Oh a pot of tea for me and-” Eliza looks over at Emma who points at an apple juice and a bottle of water.

“Great! I’ll get those for you and leave you to decide on y’all food.”

“Thank you.” Eliza watches the waitress go before turning back to her masked daughter. Who sits looking out of the window and even though her daughter’s face is hidden, Eliza can see something isn’t right “So, how are you sweetheart?”

Emma picks up her phone and starts typing.

‘I’m okay, nervous about the surgery but also excited. I miss talking to you.’

“And I miss hearing your voice.” Eliza reaches out and takes Emma’s hand. “But whatever happens I’ll be here to take care of you. Even if we need to go home and get some of that mountain air into you.”

Emma smiles at the thought of going back to Midvale. She goes to type her reponse when a message from Alex pops up.

Alex: Emma answer me!

Alarmed Emma opens their group chat and starts from the beginning of the thread where Emma sent the video.

Kara: Wait what?!

Alex: When did this happen?!

Emma snorts as she reads through the continuous back and forth between her two sisters as they try to piece together their Mom’s relationship with J’onn and how they felt about it. Ranging from many different emotions, Kara seemingly being more accepting, while Alex pleads Emma for more information and her location.

“Kara and Alex?” Eliza chuckles as she watches Emma’s expressions as she reads. Emma nods and grins back at her in confirmation.

Emma: Sorry I’m with Mom atm and didn’t see your hundreds of messages.

Kara: Where?

Emma: In a café ☕️

Alex: Which cafe?

Emma: Not telling 😜

Emma places her phone back on the table as the waitress comes over with the drinks. The pair order their food and Eliza can’t help but notice how Emma’s phone keeps lighting up.

“What’s that about?”

Emma hesitates but clicks on the video she recorded of her Mom and J’onn.

“Emma!” Eliza’s eyes widen as she watches. “Did you send that to your sisters?”

Emma nods guilty.

“Oh well.” Eliza takes a sip of her tea. “I did think you all already knew something, Sam and Lena seemed to have cotton on.”

Emma tilts her head and tries to remember any conversations she had with Lena about this topic. But she comes up empty.

“Oh what a surprise!” Eliza places her cup down and smiles over at the door.

Emma twists in her seat to see Alex rushing through the doorway with her phone in hand and Kara standing right behind her.

“Look! All I’m saying is that tracking Emma’s phone feels like an invasion of privacy.” Kara whispers as they move further into the cafe.

“She’s with Mom, it’s fine.” Alex snaps back and notices the table with two blondes. One beaming at her and the other looking confused. The redhead quickly marches over and sits next to, who she presumes, is Emma. Kara drops into the chair next to Eliza and straightens her glasses.

“What a nice surprise! I thought you said you were busy this morning?”

“Plans change.” Alex quips back.

“They sure do, are you joining us for brunch?”

“Do you want us to?” Kara looks directly at Emma, knowing they are taking her time away with Eliza. Emma nods and shrugs, signaling she was okay with it. “Okay, I’ll get some menus and drinks.”

“Make mine a scotch.” Alex calls after her and turns back to her Mom. “So, how long has it been going on?”

“Alex.” Eliza tiredly sighs. “We are just enjoying each other's company and supporting one another through this time.”

“But why him?” Alex asks in frustration.

“Why not him? We’ve been through so much together and I know he views you as his daughters.”

“Makes sense.” Kara places two mugs of coffee on the table and the menus. “The waitress will be over in a second and will bring our food out together.”

The table falls silent as Alex and Kara look over the menu while Emma’s eyes glance between her family, surprised by Alex’s simmering hostility.

The waitress comes back over and the sisters order. The waitress turns to go but pauses and turns back around. “I don't mean to be rude but aren't you Emma Danvers’ sisters?”

“Erm-” Kara’s eyes go wide when they realise their mistake of not activating the face modifiers.

“Don’t worry, we won’t say anything! It’s a pleasure! Also, when you see Emma, please tell her we miss her and look forward to serving her again.” The waitress beams at them before heading to the kitchen to process their order.

Touched by her comment Emma’s eyes begin to fill with tears and she looks out of the window at the sea to hide them from her family. But she misses the knowing expressions on their faces.

“So.” Alex clears her throat and focuses on her Mom. “Is it serious?”

“I would like it to be.” Eliza says honestly, making Emma wipe her face and turn back to look at her.

“But what about Dad?” The redhead says quietly, almost sounding vulnerable, as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Alex, in some ways, I will always love your father, despite everything that happened. But he’s gone and we had spoken that if anything ever happened to either one of us we would want the other to move on. For a very long time I didn’t feel at all able to, but I’ve finally got to the stage where I finally feel like I can.”

Emma sucks in her bottom lip and reaches out for her Mom’s hand. She nods and gives her Mom an encouraging smile, giving her blessing on the matter.

“Thank you sweetheart.” Eliza places her other hand over her daughter’s.

“When did it start?” Kara asks, blinking at her family as if trying to make sense of it.

“For me, I’ve always-” Eliza pauses, trying to find the right words for her daughters. She feels Emma gently squeezing her hand in reassurance. Eliza takes a deep breath and continues. “I’ve always liked him, in either form.” A small, sweet smile plays across her lips, Emma mirrors it as she watches her Mom closely.

“But when did it start?” Alex asks sternly, causing both Kara and Emma to give her a hard look.

“Girls, it's fine.” Eliza lets go of Emma’s hand and motions for Alex to give her her hand. But Alex keeps her arms crossed. Eliza sighs before continuing. “The truth is, our relationship developed while you all were still in the DEO. I mean, everyone had been so kind and welcoming, Nia especially made sure I always had a drink or she’d give me these little cakes from the bakery I like. Brainy, bless him, seemed at times unable to process what he was feeling. At one point I came into the lab and he was just so-” Eliza lifts her hands and motions them forward to emphasise the words. “Angry. I held him as he wept for the three of you. In some ways I fell into the Mom role for all of them. Sam likes to think she was the Mom too, but there were times I had to remind her to take care of herself.”

“And then there was J’onn. He saw the pain I was in and was the one who held me, told me that everything was going to be alright and we’d get through it together.” Eliza’s eyes mist over with tears. “For the first time, in a long time, I felt safe as he held me in his arms and the feelings we have for each other grew. We understood each other, our pain at our daughters' situations and the love between us grew.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kara asks curiously.

“It wasn’t really the right time.” Eliza’s mind shoots back to when Kara and Alex had been imprisoned in their cells. The hatred burning in their glowing red eyes and the agony within Emma’s bloodshot ones.

“Or after that?” Alex asks, trying to process what she is feeling.

“Maybe, selfishly, I wanted to have this to myself for a while. Because I knew you’d react this way.”

Alex’s nostrils flare and she leans forward. “Well maybe if you had been honest in the first place-”

Emma’s hand on her arm cuts her off and she turns to angrily glare at her.

“No, Em! Mom should have told us.”

“You’re right.” Eliza’s words make her daughters’ heads snap to her. “I should have told you, but I didn’t. However, now you know.”

“Please Alex, Mom deserves to be happy.” Emma pleads.

“I agree.” Kara softly says and places her hand on Eliza’s shoulder.

Before Alex can say anything the waitress comes over with their food. They start eating with the tension simmering between them.

“I’m sorry.” Alex murmurs quietly, her head down as she cuts her food.

“I know.” Eliza reaches across the table and takes Alex’s hand “And I am too. I know how much you still love your Dad and that will never change.”

Emma places her hand on Alex’s arm, completely understanding what her sister was feeling but also wanting her Mom to be happy.

“Soo, talking of love.” Kara begins, trying to steer the subject away from Eliza but soon loses her nerves as three pairs of eyes focus on her. “Erm-”

“Someone caught your eye?” Emma signs and raises an eyebrow at her sister.

“Maybe.” Kara giggles shyly.

“Who?” Alex widens her eyes slightly. “That new guy working with James?”

“What new guy working with James?!” Emma signs to both of her sisters and looks at her Mom in disbelief.

“His name is Benvolio Rossi, Ben for short, he was named after his Grandpa who migrated over from Italy and Ben moved here a few months from New York. I saw him around the office but didn’t talk to him until recently. Well, Nia kind of pushed me over to him and we ended up chatting, flirting and getting coffee.” A shy, beaming smile grows on Kara’s face.

“Picture?!” Emma signs excitedly and claps her hands.

“Okay!” Kara pulls out her phone and goes onto Ben’s facebook profile. “Here he is.” She turns the phone around.

“Eh.” Alex shrugs half heartedly and shoves in a mouthful of food.

“Alex!” Kara yells at her sister.

“What I’m a lesbian! Man things don’t do it for me.”

Emma snorts and motions Kara for her phone, so she can look at the picture properly. She tilts her head as she studies his face, feeling a sense of familiarity as she looks at him.

His olive skin glowed in the sun and his face was chiseled and handsome with shiny black hair, groomed stubble and warm brown eyes.

“Em?” Kara asks, intrigued by the curious expression on her sister's face. Emma hands the phone to Eliza who also wants to look.

“Oh he’s handsome.” Eliza exclaims. “Wow!”

“Yea.” Kara says with a goofy smile. “But-” Kara turns back to Emma. “Why were you looking at the picture like that?”

“I feel like I’ve met him before. Was he press at the gigs?”

“Well he does everything but, yea, I imagine he would have been at some of your gigs.”

“Cool! What’s he like?”

The conversations soon flow onto Kara’s new crush as the Danvers eat their meal.

-- -- --

Time passes and the family realise they need to be leaving soon to get to Nia’s bowling birthday party.

“Shall we go together?” Emma signs as they exit the cafe.

“Sure.” Alex says and holds out her hand for the keys. “But I’m driving.”

Emma looks at her scandalised and backs away from her eldest sister. “Excuse me?! I’m a better driver than you!”

Alex stalks her as Kara and Eliza link arms, trailing behind them and chatting amongst themselves.

“Don’t be so ridiculous! I’ve been trained-”

“Whoop de doo!” Emma holds her hands up.

“I can’t believe you actually just signed that!”

Emma shrugs. “Are you forgetting that I had two minors on my driving test and you had fourteen?! I still wonder how you managed to convince that poor man of passing you.” Emma signs cheekily and quickly lifts her top slightly with a raised eyebrow and sticks her tongue out to the side.

“Oh now you’ve done it!” Alex yells and Emma immediately turns around and runs after seeing the spark in her sister’s eyes.

“Run Emma!” Kara yells as Alex chases after her, both laughing as Emma dodges her attempts at catching her.

“Those two.” Eliza chuckles and shakes her head as she watches her daughters jump down onto the beach, sand flying everywhere from their chase.

Eliza turns her head to look at Kara, who watches her blonde and redheaded sisters with a big grin and laughs along with them.

“So, Ben, does he know anything?”

“No.” Kara says quickly. “I mean, there was one incident.”

“Kara!”

“Okay, maybe four.” Kara admits and quickly continues talking. “But they were completely out of my control and I don’t think he knows anything.”

“Does Alex know about these ‘incidences’?”

“No…”

They both look over and watch as finally Alex manages to grab a hold of Emma while the blonde slips on a sand mound and Alex jumps on her back, wrapping her arms around Emma’s shoulders.

“Onward valet steed!” Alex yells and points at the path.

Emma blows out a breath of amusement and trots back up to Kara and her Mom, glad that she could take Alex’s weight.

“How far away is the car?” Alex asks her Mom with a grin.

“Well after you're messing about, probably ten minutes.”

“Ah kay. Peanut let me down.”

Emma answers by shaking her head as she starts walking and tightening her grip on Alex’s thighs.

“Em-ma!” Alex laughs as Emma picks up her speed and runs further down the path.

-- -- --

Soon the Danvers are pulling into the carpark outside of the massive bowling alley and Emma can’t help but feel excitement as she gets out of the L-Car.

She quickly double checks everyone has their face modifiers activated, which Emma can’t wait to deactivate when they enter their private room.

“Ready?” Eliza says, smiling at her daughters.

“Yup!” Kara bounces on her toes and grins happily.

When they approach the doors Emma winces at the overwhelming sound of the bowling balls slamming the pins.

‘Why’s it so loud?’ Emma thinks but tries to hide her discomfort from her family. The blonde zeros in on Kara who also looks slightly pained. Emma then focuses on Kara’s glasses and realises the damper isn’t turned on. Reaching over she presses the hidden button to turn them on and Kara visibly deflates in relief.

“Thanks Em.” Kara breathes out.

“You’re welcome.” Emma signs and wishes there was a similar device for humans as she can’t help but flinch when they enter the building.

“Hello ladies!” A man greets them at the desk.

“Hi! We’re here for Princess Leia’s birthday party.” Alex informs the clerk with the hidden codename, who nods and waves over one of his colleagues.

“My colleague here will escort you to your room. Have a great time!”

“Thanks!” Kara squeals happily and follows the clerk up towards some stairs that are roped off and being guarded by security personnel.

Emma raises her eyebrow slightly at Alex as they pass them. Knowing they were Lena’s doing to make sure no members of the public will intrude on the Superfriends and messing with Emma’s timeline of recovery.

The most recent post to Emma’s social media accounts were of staged physiotherapy sessions, showing Emma slowly walking between the rails. So to have any other photos of Emma moving around more freely would cause a media frenzy that no one wanted to face.

Lucy had sent strict instructions to all the Superfriends that photos can be taken but they will have to wait to be posted.

“Here we are!” The clerk leads them to the doors where another security guard is standing by. “Shoes should already be in there plus many different balls for you to choose from.”

Emma lets out two quick breaths of laughter, causing Eliza to tap her shoulder in disapproval. Which makes both Alex and Kara chuckle while they walk through the doors.

Once inside the room Emma turns around and signs with a smirk on her face. “Balls!” Making her sisters laugh louder.

“You’re here!” Nia rushes over to them and flings her arms around Kara. “Isn’t this amazing?!”

Emma looks past Nia and has to agree, the room was an upgraded version to the main area downstairs. It almost looked brand new and was filled with tables of food and drink.

“Kara, save some for later.” Eliza instructs in a motherly tone as Kara makes her way over to the feast.

“O-kay.” Kara pouts and rushes over to grab their shoes instead.

“Oh! And Emma?” Nia beams at the blonde when their eyes connect. “Please disengage your face mask immediately!”

Emma nods and taps her temple. The Superfriends cheer and immediately Emma enjoys the freeing feeling on her face when the modifier disappears.

“That’s sooo much better!” Nia opens her arms wide and Emma beams at the brunette while she gives her a hug. When they pull apart Emma notices that her family have disengaged theirs too.

But then Emma’s eyes search around the room for Lena.

‘Where is she?’ Emma worries when she can’t find her girlfriend.

“Sam said Lena was right behind her, so she should be here any minute.” J’onn answers and takes an apprehensive step towards the blonde.

‘Hi J’onn.’ Emma thinks coolly, her smile fades as she crosses her arms and sizes him up.

J’onn hesitates for a moment until Emma’s face breaks out into a grin and she holds her arms out to him.

‘Come here!’ Emma’s mind happily yells out.

J’onn laughs in relief and wraps her in a bear hug.

‘But seriously though, you hurt my Mom and I will hunt you down! Even if you go back to Mars or something!’ Emma threatens while still in his arms.

“I promise I won’t hurt her.” J’onn whispers gently in her ear.

‘Pinky.’ Emma demands, stepping back and holding out her pinky finger.

“I pinky promise.” J’onn says seriously and wraps his big pinky finger around Emma’s.

“What you pinky promising about?” Kara asks as she bounds over to them to give J’onn a hug.

“Well, that I won’t hurt your mother.”

“Yea cause if you do I will fling you into the sun!” Kara says seriously and Alex comes to stand by her side.

“Or I kill you with said pinky.” Alex threatens while drinking a beer.

“Alex!” Emma signs and rolls her eyes at the bottle.

“What?! It’s my day off and it's past lunch time!”

Emma shakes her head and goes to collect her bowling shoes. She frowns when the only pairs left are her and Lena’s.

Reaching into her bag Emma pulls her phone out and still sees no messages from her girlfriend.

“So, shall we wait a little longer or get started? We have the room for five more hours, meaning plenty of games of bowling.” Brainy asks everyone as he rubs his hands together. Allowing his feelings of glee to come through.

“Yea, why don’t we start and we can always bowl for Lena until she arrives.” Nia smiles at everyone and races over to the scoring computer to input everyone's names. Kara follows her as they debate whether to use their real names or make nicknames up for everyone.

“If she comes.” Sam mutters under her breath as she angrily pulls her phone out. Both Kara and Emma turn their heads to stare at her in confusion, not quite believing what they heard. Surely Lena wouldn’t miss this?

“Emma, have you chosen a ball yet?” Lucy asks, making Emma jump by her sudden appearance.

The blonde shakes her head and goes over to the rack where the bowling balls are kept.

Emma looks for a ten pound bowling ball, the kind she normally uses and finds a cool looking purple and black one. Emma reaches down and prepares herself to pick it up, not wanting to twinge a muscle for not lifting the heavy ball properly.

Only when Emma puts her fingers through the holes and pulls, she overcompensates, hitting herself in the chest and crashes backwards onto the floor with the ball in her lap.

“Em?!” Alex’s voice shouts as she rushes over to Emma, still sat dazed on the floor, with Sam right behind her. “Are you okay?”

Emma nods, feeling a bit shocked and embarrassed. A blush starts colouring her cheeks as the Superfriends turn to look at her in concern.

“I’m fine. Just being clumsy.” Emma signs, trying to laugh it off and goes to get up.

“Here.” Alex grabs the bowling ball and holds it while Sam helps Emma up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sam asks, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studies the blonde’s face.

Emma gulps but nods that she was indeed okay. “Just embarrassed for causing a scene.”

“Alright.” Sam nods as well before smiling and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Ready to be beaten Danvers?”

Emma snorts and kicks her leg up behind them to hit Sam’s butt.

“Hey!” Sam yells and does it back to Emma. The blonde lets out a heavy breath of voiceless laughter.

Alex grins and shakes her head while she places Emma’s ball on the rack by the ball return and laughs at her girlfriend. “I think Em was saying no.”

“Are we bowling as teams or individuals?” James asks as he goes to pick up his bowling ball and looks up at the screen with the names on.

On team one: Nia is Dreamgirl, Brainy is Brainakins, Kara is Glasses, Emma is Stargirl, Sam is Hotmama and Lena is Irish babe.

On team two: James is He-man, Winn is Futureboy, Eliza is Aurora, J’onn is Martitan, Alex is Director of Sass and Lucy is Army Green.

“Why not both?” Eliza offers and smiles when she sees the name she has been given. “See which lane is better but also amongst ourselves in general?”

“I like that idea.” J’onn agrees.

“Of course you would.” Alex grunts before taking a swig of her beer. Only to splutter when Emma digs her elbow into her side.

“Nia? You’re first up on our team!” Kara points at the screen and everyone cheers. Emma claps her hands loudly to make enough noise. “Go Dreamgirl!”

“And remember, no powers!” Lucy orders from the stool by the computer and picks up James’ camera to take some photos.

“Yes ma’am.” Nia nods as she grabs her ball.

“You ready Dreamgirl?” James playfully taunts Nia.

“Bring it He-Man!” Nia grins back at him while lining herself up.

They both go at the same time and the game begins. Laughter, whoops and cheers fill the room as pins crash to the floor.

Kara completely misses on her first try due to the red sun dampers.

“I can put the rails up if you want?” Lucy jokes cheekily.

“No thanks, just need to get used to it.” Kara huffs out and shakes her hands. Her second attempt was much better and Emma claps loudly for her.

Next it was Emma’s turn and she makes sure not to overcompensate this time when she picks the ball up.

“Go Emma!” Lucy cheers and the blonde gets herself into position and aims.

Emma takes a few deep breaths and steps forward, releasing the ball at the lowest point. It shoots from her hand like a cannonball and knocks down all the pins.

Emma jumps up and down in excitement and the Superfriends cheer loudly behind her.

“Well done sweetheart!” Eliza pulls her into a hug. “Just how Dad taught you.”

Emma nods and goes back to sit down. Her eyes flick to the door, wishing Lena had seen her first strike. Naturally her hand reaches for her phone. She silently sighs when there are no messages or responses from her girlfriend.

Emma: Hi Lee, guess what?! I just did a strike! Your name is on the board, so you can start playing when you get here ❤️

Emma also takes a photo of Sam about to play her shot to send to Lena. Hoping this will cause some kind of response.

But her phone doesn’t bleep, causing Emma to run a hand through her hair.

“Hey, I’m sure she’s okay.” Alex notices Emma’s concern and tries to reassure her. But also looks over at Kara, silently communicating with her. Kara nods and gets up to bowl.

“Alex?” J’onn pulls the redhead’s attention away from Emma. “It’s your turn.”

“Yea! Go Director of Ass!” Sam winks at her girlfriend, causing Alex's cheeks to blush.

It soon gets to Lena’s name and everyone allows Nia to take Lena’s go and do her own.

They play seven more frames and when it gets to Lena’s name again everyone pauses.

“Kara? Do you wanna have another go instead?” Nia asks, trying not to show her disappointment.

“Er, sure! But please excuse me, I’m going to use the bathroom.” Kara squeezes out of the booth and rushes to the door leading to the restrooms.

Emma doesn't think anything of it until the door opens again and Emma turns her head to see a wind swept Lena walking in front of Kara. Emma's eyes move up and down her girlfriend’s body and takes in Lena’s fitted maroon coloured dress with black high heels.

Their eyes connect and they both feel a rush of giddiness.

“Finally!” Sam shouts as she places her hands on her hips, cutting off their moment as Lena’s eyes snap to her best friend. Causing everyone else to look over to where Sam was looking.

“Lena!” Nia squeals and rushes over to the raven haired beauty.

“Sorry Nia.” Lena apologises while they hug.

“Don’t worry about it. Contracts blurgh!” Nia gags and giggles.

“Exactly!” Lena laughs and follows Nia into the booth. She immediately sits next to Emma and kisses her lips. “Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up love.”

Emma shrugs and flattens parts of Lena’s hair that's still a bit messy from her flight over, making her girlfriend laugh.

“Thanks!” Lena chuckles and looks up at the names on the scoreboard. “I’m guessing your Stargirl?” Emma nods proudly. “Wow love. You’ve got a strike on almost every go?”

“I know?! I don’t know how.” Emma signs happily. “I even managed with a heavier ball!” Although for Emma it didn’t feel much heavier, even though it was meant to be six pounds heavier.

“Well your arms are getting more toned.” Lena nudges her shoulder into Emma’s. She had noticed Emma’s body changing and put it down to the running and weight training Emma is doing to fill her time.

A familiar twinge of regret hits Lena’s stomach at how busy she has been lately. ‘It won’t be forever.’ Lena thinks, trying to reassure herself.

Lena breaks her out of her thoughts by Emma flexing her arm and raising an eyebrow at Lena, causing a rich laugh to burst out from the raven haired beauty’s lips.

This heavenly sound makes Emma’s heart flutter and she beams sweetly at the woman she loves.

“Lena? It’s your go. Unless you want me to take it for you?” Kara asks and points at the scoreboard.

“Oh sorry!” Lena apologises and looks up at the board. “Who chose Irish Babe?” She laughs as Kara and Nia point at each other. “Right, I better get my ball and shoes.” Lena places her hand on Emma’s thigh and goes to stand up, but Emma takes her hand, stopping her from moving.

“I got them for you.” Emma pulls them up from under the bench and hands the shoes to Lena. “Also I got you a size eight ball but there is also a nine if you’d rather use that one.”

“Thanks love.” Lena places a gentle kiss on Emma’s lips. After she immediately kicks her heels off and goes to put her shoes on. Suddenly a pair of neon lime green socks appear in front of her face. “You think these socks go with this outfit?” Lena questions Emma who pouts out her lips and nods.

“I mean the shoes go exquisitely as well!” Emma signs, making Lena chuckle and puts them on anyway. Everyone wolf whistles when she gets up to bowl making Lena break out in a huge smile.

“Looking mighty fine there Luthor!” Sam hollers in a southern accent, causing everyone to burst out laughing and Lena to stare back at Sam in a mock glare.

Lena bowls and manages to get a spare. Emma claps enthusiastically when the last pin tumbles to the ground.

Lena smiles as she heads back into the booth, giving everyone high fives. Sitting down she snuggles into Emma, who wraps an arm around her waist and they watch the Superfriends bowl. Lena cheers along with everyone and takes a few deep breaths. Ridding herself of her work anxiety that had no place in the bowling alley.

They play a few more games before having a break to eat.

“Finally!” Kara yells dramatically and zooms over to the table. Emma is sure that if the sun red dampers weren’t on, Kara would have flown over.

“Kara!” Both Alex and Eliza yell in disapproval at Kara running to get the food.

“Sorry! I’m just hungry!” Kara whines while piling the food on her plate.

“Hey! Leave some for us Kara!” Winn calls across to her, making Kara squint her eyes at him.

The Superfriends get their food and sit together at a table set out for them and eat. Laughing and chatting about anything and everything. James takes a few photos before Lucy takes the camera off him to give him a chance to eat.

“Hey Lena! Em!” Lucy positions herself across from the couple and aims the camera.

The girlfriends smile widely at her and wrap an arm around each other's waist.

“Beautiful!” Lucy comments and keeps taking pictures as Lena kisses Emma’s cheek and the blonde beams at the camera. Emma turns her head and softly kisses Lena’s lips.

“Hey hey! Keep it under the R rating please!” Lucy says seriously and Emma flips her off.

A few of the Superfriends laugh and Emma smirks at Lena before pressing their foreheads together. They both close their eyes and breath deeply in.

Soon mostly everyone has finished eating and Brainy stands.

“Shall we play some more games?” Brainy asks, looking around at his friends.

“Yes please!” Nia squeals and runs back to the booth. Everyone follows other than Winn and James.

Emma and Lena sit close together and Emma goes to take a sip from her cup.

Suddenly the lights go off, causing Emma to violently jump, spilling her drink down her top.

“Happy-” Winn starts singing and everyone else joins in as he brings the cake over with lit candles. “Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Nia! Happy birthday to you!”

Emma tries to smile as everyone sings, instead she lets out a long, heavy breath. She jumps again as Lena places a comforting hand on her thigh.

“Sorry love.” Lena whispers into her ear as the lights come back on.

“Emma! What happened to you?!” James laughs as he notices Emma’s wet, brown t-shirt.

Emma shrugs and looks down embarrassed. Missing the glares some of the Superfriends send to James. Lena grabs some napkins and tries to dry the worst of it.

“Who wants some yummy cake!” Lucy claps to draw the attention away from the blonde and goes to get the knife.

“Oo me!” Kara raises a hand and bounces in her seat like a nine year old kid.

“I’m sure the question was rhetorical Kar.” Alex snorts in amusement.

“Yea, but I want cake.” Kara shrugs with a grin.

Emma tries to smile as well but she finds herself rocking slightly as she tries to calm her racing heart.

“You’re okay.” Lena's calming voice whispers into her ear. “You’re safe. You’re with me and people who love you. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Emma nods, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder and nuzzles into her neck. Trying to seek comfort and feel safe.

If the Superfriends notice they don’t say anything about it or draw attention to Emma, leaving Lena to help Emma though her trigger as they share the cake around.

When Emma sits back up, looking less pale, Nia hands their plates with pieces of cake over.

“Thank you.” Emma signs gratefully and digs in, trying not to focus on her embarrassment at what happened.

Once the food is eaten and cleared away the bowling begins again. Although the group of friends are not as quick as before but still as competitive.

“Seriously Emma!” Lucy yells when Emma does another perfect strike. “You need to show me your technique or something.”

Emma holds her hands up in surprise and just motions her bowling.

“Nah I’m not fooling around anymore with this ‘I can’t bowl’ act!”

Emma can’t help but voicelessly laugh at Lucy’s competitive side making itself known.

“Ooo, she’s laughing at you Luc.” Alex grins at her sister.

Emma holds her hands up again in surrender at Lucy’s enraged face.

“Hey relax.” Kara tries to soothe the brunette down and rubs her back affectionately. “It’s all about the fun of playing.”

A few nod but suddenly everyone bursts out laughing and continues for a while. The Superfriends never play just for the fun of it. Mostly everyone in the group are extremely competitive.

“Good one Kara!” Winn wipes the tears from his cheeks.

-- -- --

Finally they complete their last game and Emma is the clear winner. Although she is still very confused at how she managed it but takes the praise.

The food and cake is distributed into takeaway boxes and the Superfriends say their goodbyes and birthday love to Nia. With Emma and Lena being the first to leave.

“Do you need a ride?” Emma signs to Alex.

“No, Sam is- I’m, er, going with Sam.” Alex stutters and goes a bit red as she smiles shyly. Causing Emma to smirk and shake her head.

“Yea, my director of ass.” Sam whispers into her girlfriend's ear.

This makes Emma snort and sign at her sister. “Use protection.” Emma winks.

“Protection? Protection from what?” Kara asks after watching Emma’s hands.

Emma snorts loudly again but Lena drags her away before she can hear anyone's responses.

“Modifier.” Lena yawns before they go through the door and waves farewell to everyone. Emma taps her temple, shivering slightly as the mask crawls across her face.

The couple walk down the stairs hand in hand and out into the evening air. Emma leads her girlfriend to the L-Car and opens the passenger door for her.

“Thanks love.” Somehow, despite her exhaustion, Lena still slides gracefully into the car, even with her drooping eyelids.

Emma gets into the driver's seat and leans over to plug her girlfriend in. A hum of acknowledgement leaves Lena’s lips and her eyes finally close.

Emma can’t help but smile at how cute she looks and turns the electric engine on to head for home.

-- -- --

In no time at all they are pulling into their space under the apartment building. Lena looks like she’s already in a deep sleep and Emma wonders if she can carry her up to their apartment.

Remembering how easy it was to piggyback Alex, Emma decides to go for it. She quietly unplugs Lena’s seatbelt and gets out of the driver's side. Emma quickly goes to Lena’s side and carefully opens the passenger door, hoping Lena wouldn’t fall out, but thankfully she hasn’t moved.

Leaning down Emma attentively runs her right arm under Lena’s legs and her left under her back. She manages to lift Lena and the bag of food, carrying her girlfriend bridal style out of the car. Carefully she heads for the elevator, thankfully that the L-Car locks automatically when the keyholder walks far enough away from the car.

Somehow she manages to press the button to call the elevator and again for the penthouse apartment.

‘Nice one Emma!’ She praises herself and kisses Lena’s head when the doors close.

However, once the elevator doors slide open, Emma voicelessly groans. She exits the elevator, debating what to do to unlock the door and open it.

“You know you could just put me down?” Lena says sleepily as she blinks her eyes open.

‘Of course you're awake!’ Emma rolls her eyes and gazes down at her girlfriend.

“Well?” Lena asks with a yawn, waiting to be put down.

“Get my key.” Emma mouths, causing Lena to squint up at her.

“Get your key?” Lena says back and Emma nods. “Where is it?”

“Bag.”

Lena reacts down to Emma’s messenger bag by her side.

“You know this would be a lot quicker if you just put me down.”

Emma shrugs and grins happily, liking the sensation of holding Lena close.

“Got it!” Lena pulls it out and stretches for the lock. Emma moves a bit forward to make it easier for her. “Thanks love.” Lena yawns out again and unlocks the door, partly opening it.

Emma kicks it open fully and manages to step through before it swings back.

“Impressive.” Lena chuckles while nuzzling into Emma’s chest and closing her eyes.

Emma lets out a voiceless laugh and carries Lena into the bathroom.

“No, just dump me on the bed!” Lena whines but doesn’t complain when Emma places her feet on the tiled floor and pulls her dress up and underwear down. “Ooo kinky.” Lena says seductively while cracking an eye open as Emma guides her onto the toilet.

Emma shakes her head with a smile at Lena’s comment and goes to grab Lena’s pajamas and a fresh pair of underwear.

She hears the flush and Lena whining out her name.

“Em-ma!”

‘Le-na!’ Emma yells back in her head but she quickly makes her way back to her girlfriend, who was sleepily brushing her teeth.

Emma closes the lid on the toilet and places Lena’s clothes on top, Lena watches her every move and as Emma begins to sign. “We are staying in bed tomorrow. No excuses!”

Lena clears her mouth and places her toothbrush back on the counter. “Bed all day? Lucky me.” Lena says sultry and lifts an eyebrow.

Emma rolls her eyes. “Not like that you bad girl.”

“Hmm but you’d want me to be your bad girl huh?” Lena slowly tilts her head and leans in, kissing Emma’s lips slowly and passionately. Emma could taste the fresh mint of the toothpaste on Lena’s tongue.

But Lena soon breaks the kiss, closes her bloodshot eyes and rests her weary head on Emma’s shoulder.

Emma carefully bends down and grabs the clothes so she can place Lena back on the toilet lid. She lovingly changes Lena’s clothes and kisses any exposed skin that she comes across, making Lena hum and smile.

Once Lena is changed Emma reaches down and picks her up again. Attentively carrying her over to their bed. Next she pulls the covers back and carefully places Lena on the bed and tucks her in.

Lena hums sleepily in approval but doesn’t open her eyes or makes any other movement or noise. Seemingly falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Emma smiles down at her sadly and kisses her forehead.

“Hope, dim the lights to the lowest setting.” Emma signs to the AI before reentering the bathroom to get herself ready for bed.

After she’s brushed her teeth and hair, dressed in her tank top and shorts, Emma quietly tiptoes back into the bedroom. The corner of her lip pulls up when she can hear Lena softly snoring.

When she reaches her side of the bed Emma carefully pulls the covers back and slowly gets into bed. Trying desperately not to jostle Lena.

“Hope, lights out.” Emma signs once she’s settled.

The lights slowly fade and the window dim to blackout.

Emma swallows as she turns towards Lena, listening to her steady breaths as she sleeps. Almost becoming Emma’s lullaby when her own eyes slowly grow heavy and close.

(Part Thirty Three)

[ecto-american]

If Found Please Return to Danny Phantom

Phic Phight Oneshot for @imperfection-at-itsfinest: When Jack manages to get his hands on Danny Phantom's ghost hunting logbook, an investigation reveals some information about ghosts and the infamous specter himself that a scientific study would never cover.

Read on FFN and AO3

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It would be wrong of him to read it. 

Jack kept staring at the book in his hands. It resembled a diary, the front design being colorless but a pressed design. The moon with stars, with no words, and the diary itself felt unusually thin. There was no lock, as if it was almost inviting him to just read it. Jack had, in fact, already opened to the first page, and the first words greeted him. In a standard font read: If Found, Please Return to: and the name scrawled, in surprisingly tidy handwriting, was the name Danny Phantom.

What an absolute find. It was pure dumb luck. He had seen Phantom drop it, but Jack had went looking for it in hopes that the ghost teen had dropped one of the stolen Fenton gadgets. Only to recover...this book that he had taken home and into the privacy of his lab for study.

The idea of Phantom keeping a diary was kinda funny. He never struck Jack as the type to write down his deepest darkest secrets or teenage embarrassments in a book. That would imply that the ghost had some kind of emotions. They didn’t. They were blobs of ectoplasmic energy.

So it should be okay for him to read, right? Why was he so hesitant? Well...it was an invasion of privacy. But it was fine. Phantom dropped it in the park. Phantom was a menace to society. There was likely evidence in this journal that could explain all of the ghost boy’s terrible deeds, that could prove that he truly was evil. This diary could change everything.

...Jack had children though, and he knew both were avidly creative. Scrapbooking, drawing, painting, writing. They were stress outlets for his girls, and he wouldn’t ever dare dream of invading their privacy like that. So he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Phantom deserved privacy, right?

“Jack? Are you coming to dinner?” Maddie’s voice snapped him from his thought process. She hadn’t made a noise as she came down the stairs. But Maddie was a much better stealth hunter than him.

“Yes, yes! Sorry, I was distracted,” Jack apologized. He set the book down on the table. Maddie rose an eyebrow at him.

“Did you get a new ectobiology book?” she asked. His eyes glanced to the book, and he shook his head no. Maddie came over to him, studying the book cover. Of course, it didn’t resemble any of the scientific texts that they owned. 

“I don’t know how to explain it…” Jack said slowly. He held it out to her. Maddie accepted it.

“This looks like it belongs to the kids,” she stated. She opened the first page, and Jack saw her eyes widen. Her breath hitched, and she looked up to him “Jack...where did you...get this?”

“He dropped it during a fight,” he replied. “I thought it was Fenton tech, but…”

Her eyes sparkled, and she shut the book. A wide grin had appeared, and she threw her arms around her husband.

“Oh Jack! This could teach us so much! If this really is a journal or some kind of diary, then he may have recorded motivations! Thoughts! We can really get into how Phantom thinks and a raw, honest, firsthand account from Phantom himself! This changes everything!”

She was right. She was absolutely right, and he hugged her back. They were scientists first and foremost, and this journal could fill in so many missing blanks about ghosts. It was a starting off point. Jack’s mind raced with all the things they could possibly learn. Just from a simple peek of the book. That was worth more than the invasion of privacy of a ghost that caused so much havoc, destruction and pain. 

“We should look at it right now!” he exclaimed. Maddie pulled away with a small frown.

“After dinner,” she reminded him. “I finally got everybody corralled upstairs for a family dinner. It’s nearly impossible to get either of the girls at the same time.”

“Oh, right!” Jack nearly slapped his forehead. Yes, they were scientists first and foremost, but before even that, they were Mom and Dad. “First thing after dinner.”

“First thing after dinner,” she agreed with a smile. 

Upstairs, he saw that Jazz was already serving herself. Chicken, mashed potatoes and peas. His youngest was pouring iced tea into glasses for everybody. 

“Hey Ghost-kateers!” Jack greeted cheerfully with a grin. Both kids groaned in embarrassment. Perfect. 

“Daaad!” his youngest complained, a whine hitching as she put the pitcher of ice tea back. “I told you, if I’m going to be some kind of ye olde soldier type, I wanna be a knight, like at the renaissance fair.” 

“Ah, but if you’re a ghost-kateer, you can get an anti-ghost musket!” Jack teased. As he walked past her to get his own food, he playfully ruffled her pixie-cut hair. She waved his hand away. 

“But as a ghost knight, I can get a cool sword!” she protested. Jack shook his head in fake disappointment. 

“Never bring to a ghost sword to a ghost musket fight, baby boo,” her dad replied.

“Can’t shoot what you can’t see!” she shot back with a grin. Jack had to hand it to her, and he just chuckled. 

“Can we please have a ghost free dinner?” Jazz scowled. 

“Yes, yes, let’s save ghosts for after dinner,” Maddie agreed. Jazz shot her a grateful look, and Jack focused on getting his serving of dinner from the stove. His youngest pushed her sleeves up, exhaling. Jack stole a look at her and frowned. She had some sweat collected on her forehead.

“Honey if you're hot, you can just take your sweatshirt off,” he told her. She shook her head no.

“No, I'm fine,” she insisted. Jack was skeptical.

“You sure?” he asked. 

“Mhm!” 

Jack shrugged a bit. She was always insisting on wearing a hoodie, no matter the weather. If she got hot enough, she’d take it off. No need to force it. He got his food and took his seat.

“How's school going?” Maddie questioned. Jazz lit up a bit, and her sister flinched. She raised a suspicious eyebrow at her youngest.

“I managed to get a B on my chemistry test,” the youngest spoke up with a forced smile.

“That’s excellent!” Maddie’s demeanor shifted as she smiled warmly. “Keep it up!” 

“Yeah!” The youngest seemed to visibly relax. “Sam’s been helping me study.”

“That’s good, I always studied better when V-man or your mom helped me,” Jack nodded at her as he cut up his chicken. 

“Oh it’s true, I used to help your father study for all of our shared classes,” Maddie confirmed. “Otherwise he’d get so distracted.”

“Yeah, Sam just explains it super well,” their daughter agreed. “Tucker’s been going over math with me a bit, which helps some.”

“Well if you need a tutor, just let us know, and we’ll help you arrange one,” Maddie smiled. “What about you, Jazz?”

“Pretty good,” she replied. “Mr. Lancer asked if I wanted to be his TA this summer, which I really do. It’ll look good on a college application, and I might even get paid!”

“Have you been narrowing down where you might wanna go?” Jack asked. Jazz eagerly nodded.

“Yeah! Oxford is my number one choice, but I also would love to go to Yale or Stanford. I’ve been talking with the college counselor about what else might look good on an application for them that I can do over the summer. I wrote them down in my planner notebook earlier-”

“Hey, that kinda reminds me,” her sister interrupted. “Have you guys seen one of my notebooks? I think I lost it,” she asked them. Jack stared at her. The reminder of the notebook he actually had found. Maddie seemed unbothered by the question. This wasn’t unusual, for the parents to have to play “where’s my stuff?” with the kids. 

“What notebook?” Jazz asked hesitantly. 

“My important one,” came the reply. Jazz frowned lightly. 

“Sorry, princess, haven’t seen any notebooks laying around,” Jack replied. He saw the briefest of a cringe cross his youngest’s features. “Did you leave it at school?” Her shoulders slumped.

“I don’t think so?” she said hesitantly. “I’ll have to check tomorrow. I was so sure I had it earlier…” Her voice trailed off before she forced a smile. “If you see it, let me know!” She picked up a forkful of chicken, only to freeze. The clattering made Jack glance up curiously as she was turning her attention to Maddie. “Can I be excused? I have some homework to get done.” 

Maddie let out a soft sigh. So much for family dinner.

“Of course, just make sure you come back down before you go to bed to get your chores done,” Maddie nodded at her. The young Fenton snapped to her feet with a thanks, fully abandoning her dinner as she went to the stairs. Jazz stared after her sister, craning her neck to track her movements before hurriedly shoveling more mashed potatoes in her mouth.

“Uh, I’m not that hungry, and I totally forgot to do this online assignment,” Jazz spoke, standing up, taking hers and her sister’s plate. She was already walking away before either parent could truly give permission. “I’ll put our plates up and clean up in a bit!”

“A-alright?” Jack hesitated, watching his other child put the plates on the counter before rushing up as well. Another child down. They seemed to grow up so fast. 

“Least they’re doing homework,” Maddie sighed lightly, shaking her head before taking a drink of her tea. “Oh well. Might as well take their lead and eat in the lab?” 

“Please,” Jack agreed. He stood up, taking his plate. “I’m dying to see what Phantom has to say.”

January 10

Skulker: 1; captured

Ectopuss: 1; captured

Box Ghost: 8; captured

Ember: Fought; got away

Fenton Thermos: half-full

Fenton Fisher: untangled

January 11

Vultures: 1; got away

Cujo: 1; played fetch and he went back to the GZ

Fenton Thermos: Full

Ghost Bazooka: overheated and doesn’t shoot anymore, take apart and fix it

January 12

Skulker: 2; got away

Box Ghost: 3; captured

Sidney: 2; got away

Fenton Fisher: tangled, untangle asap

January 13

Skulker: 1; captured

Box Ghost: 4; got away

Fenton Thermos: damaged, won’t suck up ghosts

I met a new ghost today named Desiree. She got away, but it allowed me to discover a new ghost power. Ghost ray.

Maddie furrowed her brow as she studied the words. She stood at the table, her dinner half-forgotten as she thought on the words.

“It sounds like a record,” Jack mused, and he ate another spoonful of peas. Maddie nodded in agreement.

“I think we found Phantom’s logbook,” she agreed. “I’m assuming these are the ghosts he’s fought. And he seems to be recording his powers too. This is huge, we can match up what we know about his powers and what he’s claiming.”

“And he’s recording the status of our equipment.” Jack frowned. “Why would he care?”

“Yeah, he made note that he was going to fix the Fenton Bazooka too,” Maddie pointed out. The scientist flipped through the pages, only to stop at a page, staring curiously. Maddie laid the journal on the table, pressing the spine so that the pages stayed open. She read the page aloud to Jack.

December 19

I hate my life. I hate this existence. I look in the mirror and wonder why it has to be this way. Why am I the one cursed to be this freak? Why is everything about me and my body wrong? For once, I wish something about me was normal, that somebody about me could be right. If Desiree wasn’t such an unreliable asshole with wishes, I’d give everything I have to wish that life could, for once, allow me to be a normal teenage boy. 

Jack listened to her in a stumped silence. This couldn’t have been a pre-death thought process of a moody teenager. It was written too recently, and the words hit a sorrowful chord to him. He didn’t intend to, but he quickly began to feel sorry for Phantom. He was very young. It couldn’t have been easy to lose everything at that age. His daughter was his age. Jack cleared his throat.

“It’s not just a log then?” Jack questioned. Maddie shook her head, flipping the pages back.

“No, I think it’s a mix. There’s still records of ghosts and FentonWorks equipment,” she replied. Using a leg, she pulled a wheeled chair to her to sit in. She leaned back, and she pulled the journal to her. After a moment of flipping through and scanning pages, she settled on a page about a third of the way through. “It seems like this is when he began to record things other than just ghosts.”

“What’s it say?” Jack wondered. Maddie read aloud the next few entries as Jack silently continued to eat. 

April 4

I only fought this shitty panther today, and he still got away. I’m such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe he got away. I was too slow. All I do is fuck up. There’s ghostly activity happening around the school, and I just can’t figure it out. I feel like I can’t stop them anymore. I don’t know what’s going on, why I suddenly suck so much. I honestly probably just always sucked, and now it’s starting to hit me. [scribbles] and [scribbles] were trying to make me feel better, but I fucked up. It was only one ghost today, and I couldn’t catch them. It destroyed an entire store, and it’s my fault.

April 8

No ghosts today, surprisingly. But [scribbles] has been acting weird lately. The other day she poked and prodded me at dinner. No clue what that’s about. She also tried to give me this speech that I can talk to her about anything, and that she’d love me no matter what. That makes me think she found my binder. I’m honestly kinda freaking out. I knew I shouldn’t have left it out like that. She’s such a nosy know it all.

“Phantom must keep more records than just this,” Maddie lightly mused. “He has an entire binder full of information that somebody discovered.”

“Maybe on other ghosts?” Jack theorized. “He’s recording his fights, he must be also recording information about them.” Maddie’s eyes lit up.

“That makes so much sense,” she agreed. “He probably keeps so many kinds of things written down and logged. I wonder where he’s keeping it? Obviously paper, which is a bit odd. I figured a teenager would move to the digital age…” Maddie paused.

“Maybe he’s older than we think he is?” Jack suggested. “He could have died fifty years ago, and just be more comfortable with writing things down.”

“Oh, that’s true,” Maddie mused. She put down the notebook to take a long sip of her drink. Jack picked it up to observe the page she read.

“Phantom has neat handwriting,” he noted. “He’s not fighting ghosts when he writes these.” Jack’s eyes scanned the words. “...I wonder who he’s scribbled out.”

“Allies?” Maddie shrugged. “He probably went back and blacked out some of the names. Privacy. Especially if this isn’t the first time he’s lost this.”

It made the most logical sense. Jack skipped the purely log entries to one that had more written, and he read it aloud to his wife.

April 10

She was feeding on us. Spectra, the Casper High “psychologist” was feeding on emotions, like some kind of emotional vampire but she’s a ghost. It’s so scary. I saw her do it. She asked [scribbles] and [scribbles] about their lives. What made them unhappy, and why. And when they left, I saw her absorb? I guess how I’d describe it? She absorbed the energy into her skin and it just seemed to instantly revive her, and it made her happy. When she did it to me, I could just look in her eyes and know that she enjoyed every minute of my misery. I managed to stop her, with [scribbles] helping me. It was weird. She didn’t seem afraid of me. I don’t know why. 

Spectra: 2; captured

“Ghosts can feed off of energy!” Maddie exclaimed. “Human energy! We always suspected it, but this is confirming something!” Jack glanced up at her excitedly. It was the first real, true ghostly discovery that Phantom was revealing to them. 

April 13

All I do is fuck up lately. Because of me, this ghost dog just absolutely has been causing havoc on this girl’s life. She blames me. And I don’t blame her. I ruined her entire life. She lost her house because of me. I didn’t mean to. I tried to stop the dog, but he just won’t respond to anything I say. I can’t capture him. I’ve been trying. I’ve been just calling the dog Cujo. After the Stephen King book, because damn is this dog giving me one fucking nightmare of a time.

Cujo: 3, got away

April 16

[scribbles] kissed me. It was to force me to change back, and it worked, but she kissed me. It was great. She smelled like lavender. I don’t think my heart’s ever beaten so fast. Afterwards she clarified to me that it was just a fake-out make-out. It didn’t feel like it. I don’t want it to be. But she’s my best friend, and I can’t lose her. So I agreed, and when I came home I cried. My dad caught me, and I pretended it was just girl problems, even though that excuse made me feel even worse. He got me some ice cream, and we watched Star Trek together. It didn’t really help that much, if I’m being honest. 

Anyway, apparently Cujo’s trained. He knows his commands. [scribbles] thinks it’s because he was a guard dog when he was alive for Axion Labs. For a guard dog, he’s such a playful puppy though, he loves his squeaky toy. And [scribbles] became a hunter specifically to kick my ass. It’s my lucky month. But I deserve it. Will there ever be a day where I actually can do more good than bad?

Skulker: 1; captured

[Scribbles]: 1 Red Huntress

Cujo: 1, got away

“Phantom has a family?” Maddie wondered. She chewed on her food as she thought. Jack shrugged, an odd, unsettled feeling hitting him as he put the book down for a moment. He used his spoon to push around his peas.

“I mean, we all do,” Jack reminded her. “Just...I didn’t think Phantom still talked to his family. After his death. Or did such...non-ghost things with them.” Watching Star Trek with his dad? Jack did that with his own kids all the time. It was his and his youngest daughter’s favorite show to watch together. Jazz typically preferred documentary series, and Maddie was too bothered by scientific inaccuracies to really enjoy science fiction. So it was always “their thing” and knowing that Phantom did it too was...too human. 

“Yeah, I didn’t...really expect him to still be haunting them,” Maddie said. Jack could tell that this was disturbing her a little. 

“But ghosts can retain their memories from life it seems,” Jack spoke up. Maddie stared at him. “The dog remembers commands from his life as a guard dog. What extent, I’m not sure.” Maddie hummed curiously.

Jack picked the book up again, skipping through more boring logs to other words. 

April 29

Ember: 2; captured

Fenton Thermos: full, empty

The past few weeks have been terrible. I have definitely come to the conclusion that I really am developing a crush on [scribbles]. Or maybe I always had one, I dunno. Is this really just an effect from Ember’s supposed spell? Does ghostly mind control really last? I think I always knew that I liked her though. I mean, ever since I told her that [scribbles], she’s been so supportive. She even cut my hair for me, which really pissed my parents off, but they ended up admitting that I looked better with my hair short anyway. Almost like it’s meant to be, huh? Ha. [scribbles] is also one of the only two people who know my deeper secret. She’s been so supportive through that too. She calls me Danny, and every time she refers to me as that, it makes my heart go crazy.

But would she even like me? Would she even wanna be with somebody like me? I don’t think I’d be her type. Some other friends I met at this local support group have complained about the struggles of dating. The stories are depressing, and it makes me worried that while [scribbles] will always love and accept me as a friend, that she’d never be able to love me as a boyfriend. I hate my life.

“Aw, Phantom has a little girlfriend,” Jack half-joked, only for goosebumps to raise and an odd chill run down his spine. He looked to Maddie for her opinion, and her face was scrunched up.

“That’s a bit creepy,” she commented. “He’s pretending to be human.”

“I dunno, Mads,” Jack shrugged. He re-read the ghostly teen’s internal conflicts. “Why would he pretend to be human in a journal that nobody’s meant to read?”

“He has to be sharing it with his allies,” she argued. “Those people he’s been scribbling out. Phantom has to be pretending for them. To keep them around. He even mentioned ghostly mind control.” 

She pushed her mostly-finished plate from herself, motioning for Jack to hand over the journal. He complied, and Maddie flipped through it. She stopped, and she set the journal down on the table once more. Leaning over, she studied the spine. A finger ran along the inner spine, and she frowned.

“Pages are missing,” she noticed. Jack pushed his plate out of the way to lean over as well.

Indeed, the top of the diary revealed that it was meant to be a normal, full diary. Now that Maddie pointed it out, it looked like well over a fourth of the diary had missing pages. Jack squinted, pulling his hood over his eyes. He used his googles to better examine.

“They weren’t ripped out, like in a ghost fight,” Jack told her. He pointed to what remained of a page, a barely noticeable strip. “It was carefully cut out.” Maddie narrowed her eyes to get a better look.

“You’re right,” she mused. “Phantom did this purposefully. Probably to hide stuff from his allies.”

“But why hide some stuff and not others?” Jack wondered aloud. “Clearly this girlfriend figure is an ally, but he can’t be...sharing this with her, right?” Maddie pulled back from the notebook to lean in her chair with a heavy sigh.

“...I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t think he would. But he’s also a ghost, they do weird things.” Jack didn’t know how to reply, and so he continued to read.

May 16

The past few days have been so full of drama. Walker ruined my life. He absolutely ruined it. He set out to make me the most hated person in Amity Park out of pure spite, and he succeeded. I’m public enemy number one. I can never win. For a while now, I had debated telling my parents, because I so desperately want their support, but they were part of the news coverage calling me a disgusting, evil ghost. I ended up crying yesterday. I don’t think they’ll ever truly love me if they knew. I also failed Wulf. Another failure on my plate. I’m just waiting for it to all crash down on me.

Walker: 1; sent to the GZ

Wulf: 1; sent to the GZ

Walker’s goons: at least 14, all captured

Fenton Thermos: overflowingly full

“Oh this is just becoming nonsense,” Maddie complained. “He’s lying. We were there, Jack! We saw him attack us.”

“I know, I know, he did, yeah, he did,” Jack tried to gather his thoughts. “But why would he lie in this? I don’t think anybody was meant to read this?” Jack flipped through the pages. The further he flipped through in, the more he could tell that some sections had more carefully cut out papers than others. Why was Phantom cutting out? What was he hiding? Why was he hiding it?

“He meant for somebody to read this,” Maddie lightly argued. 

“Yeah, it seems like it, but…,” Jack trailed off. He shook his head a bit, flipping back to where they had left off. “I dunno.”

“Hold on a second,” Maddie urged him, standing up. “Let me get something to write with, we should take some notes.”

“We can just use the scanner to make a copy of the journal afterwards, and we can further analyze it afterwards,” Jack suggested. Maddie thought on this, and she nodded, but she still reached for some scrap paper and a pen.

“Good idea, we should probably read through it fully first anyway,” she agreed. “But I still want to jot down some thoughts.”

“Of course, of course,” Jack replied. He knew that’s how she thought and processed information best, and it was always from her notes that he could visualize his own theories properly. He took a drink of tea before he continued reading the next true entry.

May 24

My entire relationship with my other crush (not [scribbles]) was a lie. She was being overshadowed by Kitty the entire time. This was my first real girlfriend, and it was all fake. I had assumed I was so lucky. I found a girl who knew and was okay with both of my biggest secrets. When I got home I ended up just going straight to my room. [scribbles] brought me dinner, but I didn’t feel like eating. Is this what life is going to be for me? I don’t want it to be like this. The only good thing is that [scribbles] doesn’t know either secret alongside our brief relationship.

Least Kitty and Johnny seem happy again. For now at least. I swear, they’re always breaking up and getting back together. 

Kitty: 1; sent back to the GZ

Johnny 13: 1; sent back to the GZ

Shadow: 1; sent back to the GZ

Jack could lightly hear Maddie taking notes on her scrap paper, the pen scratching at the surface. He didn’t comment on it, silently flipping to the next page, and he continued to read. 

August 19

I was forced to really face the reality of how much I fucked up [scribbles] life. I hate it. I’d do anything to take it back. It makes me wonder if I should just retire. Am I even really doing anything to help? Am I just a nuisance? Everybody thinks that. 

Rationally I know I can’t. I’m the only one who can properly deal with the ghosts, who has the power and abilities to fight back without getting killed. I have to do what I can, but I just wish I could do it without making so many mistakes. [scribbles] said that it’ll be okay, and that it gets better, but it sure doesn’t fucking feel like it.

Skulker: 3; finished

Red Huntress: 2; temporary truce?

“He’s so full of...emotion for a ghost,” Maddie finally spoke up. 

Jack glanced at the paper she had in front of her. There was some notes of what they had been learning so far, and there were emotions written in all caps with a line under, and a list of various emotions. Emotions Phantom seemed to be displaying. Guilty, despair, loneliness, self-hatred, self-doubt. Despite the few entries, it was already quite a list.

“It’s not just him either,” Maddie continued. Jack rose an eyebrow at her. She didn’t immediately reply, fingers on her lips as she stared down at the journal. “He’s giving emotions to other ghosts too.”

Jack stared down blankly at the journal in his hands. 

“Where?”

Maddie began to write, and as she wrote, it clicked. Spectra’s joy in hurting others. Kitty and Johnny’s relationship. Walker’s spite. Cujo being a playful puppy. According to Phantom, and against what they knew as scientists, ghosts were experiencing a wide variety of emotions and for different reasons. It was weird. 

Jack continued to read.

October 17

I don’t know what happened the past few days. It’s this weird blur. According to [scribbles] and [scribbles] I did a lot of bad things under Freakshow’s control. [scribbles] hugged me and told me that it was nothing that we couldn’t fix, but I doubt that. Why does this keep happening to me? I don’t want to hurt people. I want to be a good person, and I want to help Amity Park, but I don’t know what keeps happening. Everything’s a fog, and I’m exhausted. 

Freakshow: 1; arrested by APPD

Circus ghosts: freed from Freakshow’s control, went back to the GZ

Replace Fenton Anti-Creep Stick, print out another sticker to put on it

“Freakshow...that was the weird circus guy,” Jack interrupted himself. Maddie nodded.

“Yeah, and if Phantom’s right...he could control the ghosts,” she mused. “So there’s a way for humans to take control of ghosts...That’s something to look into. If we can control the ghosts into staying away, it’d be such a massive scientific breakthrough.”

“We should look into Freakshow more, and see if we can talk to him!” Jack agreed. “Maybe he’ll share something with us.” Maddie smiled softly.

“I doubt that,” she replied gently. “But there’s no harm in trying. What else does it say?”

November 8

I have to fight Pariah Dark. I’m terrified. I don’t think I’ll live through it. How can I live through fighting the actual ghost king? I may never see my family again, and I can’t even tell them what happened to me if I die. I’ve been debating telling [scribbles] that I like her, but I don’t think I could bring myself to do it. 

What happens if I die? I have no clue. I’m scared to find out. I can’t die now. I have to make it back. I’ll go missing, and I won’t even be declared dead as my parents’ son. Nobody will know who to really look for. I have to come back. Maybe if I succeed, and people like me again after this, I can tell my family everything.

November 10

I couldn’t tell them. My parents still despise part of me, despite what I’ve done. I know they love me, cause my mom’s already been fussing over me like crazy because of my injuries. [scribbles] said she cried when they couldn’t find me, and that my dad had gone out looking for me all over the city, even in the dangerous parts. They of course love me, but do they really love me unconditionally?

Jack felt his voice trailing off as he hit the end. He coughed lightly, and he took a long drink. Maddie stared off into nothing. The only thing he could think of was his own search for his baby girl. He wasn’t alone, bumping into several other parents desperately looking for their missing children, and several children who got separated from their parents. The entire day was somber and frightening, and Maddie had spent the entire day glued to the phone. In case she called them. 

It was all...too real, and Jack flipped past more logs. He couldn’t help but begin to take note of how every single day had a log of ghost fighting activities, even if Phantom didn’t write down his feelings every day. This was so much more than the ghost hunting duo ever expected, more attacks than they were recording.

His eyes rested only for a moment on December 19, and he decided to just skip it. They had already read it earlier. No need to refresh those memories. More logs, and more missing pages, and he came upon another one. 

March 26

I ripped out a lot of pages, more than I intended. I can’t risk anybody finding out what happened, but also other pages revealed too much, so I kept them tucked away where nobody could ever find them. I’d burn them, but I don’t want to lose the ghost hunting data. It’s okay now. I fixed the problem and assured that everything’s going to be fine. Possibly better. I made the right choice this time, and now I know that one day, I will grow a sick beard. 

I know somebody knows my secrets now. All of them. She had known for months but wanted me to tell her. She asked me if I had a name, and ever since I told her that it was Danny, she’s been calling me that whenever she can. It made me cry the first time. It’s so great to have her know everything now. She loves me no matter what. I couldn’t ask for a better person. Even though she found out because I’m an idiot. This entire thing also made me realize how important it is to keep those secrets, and how poorly I’ve been keeping them. 

I didn’t ever mean for this to turn into a diary. I wanted to keep track of ghost fights. But it honestly helps with both the dysphoria and the stresses of being a ghost. I just went back and scribbled out names. Just in case. In the future I need to be more vague. 

But this is also the end for one secret. If things go wrong then well. I don’t know. I’ll make it up as I go along. But I know that this is who I am, and that I’m hitting a point where I need help to just be me. 

Him: 1; captured for good

Skulker: 2; captured

Desiree: 1; captured

Ectopusses: 1; captured

Cujo: 1, sent back to the GZ

Fenton Thermos: full

Fenton Anti-Creep Stick: destroyed, get new bat and sticker to put on it

Also learned a new ghost power: Ghostly wail. A scream that can just absolutely fuck somebody’s day up. I have to use it sparingly though.

Jack closed the journal, and he set it flat on the table. His mind was blank, and he couldn’t read Maddie. She continued to stare at the closed book, hand in pen but almost unsure as to what to even jot down as a note. He leaned in his seat, finishing his drink. Maddie exhaled deeply, dropping her pen in favor of stretching.

Neither said a word. Jack knew that this journal was not any kind of trick. It was too raw and emotional to be anything more than the thoughts of a teenage ghost. He regretted reading it. It held some interesting information, and he was sure if he dug deeper, that he would find more. But as it stood, his own intense guilt was settling as he knew that he just took too personal a look into the private emotional afterlife of Phantom.

“This is a lot to take in,” Maddie finally spoke. Jack only nodded.

The basement door opened, and they heard dual pairs of footsteps hop downstairs. Jack instantly brightened, and he turned in his chair to smile as his kids soon came into view.

“Hey, is this a bad time?” Jazz asked. She glanced between them, and Jack immediately shook his head no. 

“No, no,” Maddie replied quickly. Jack saw her push the journal and her notes, along with her pen and a few spare lab tools, carelessly into a drawer to help assure the Fenton kids that they weren’t interrupting anything. “What’s up, sweetie?” 

“Well, I have something that I wanna talk about,” their youngest spoke slowly. Jack noticed that she had finally taken off her hoodie, and that while she wore her normal tomboy attire, that something was a bit off about her. He couldn’t place it. Jazz stood close to her, an arm full of books clutched to her chest, though he couldn’t make out any titles. “It’s something important, and I don’t really want to put it off any longer.”

“Is something wrong? Are you in trouble?” Jack asked. His daughter shook her head no. 

“Oh, no!” she said. “It’s just…” 

She took a deep breath, and soon, their son began to explain.

[lunasilvermorny]

The Lost Sister - Future AU

Around 2013

Luna locked her office door behind her and walked through the corridor toward the exit, when she saw Mark standing next to the reception desk, blocking her path.

“Why are you still here?” She asked, exhausted from the long day at the clinic.

“There’s someone here to see you.” He said with a nervous voice.

“I told you no more after-hours clients,” she dismissed him. “Unless it’s urgent-“

“It’s… different.” He played with his hands, not sure what to do with them.

Luna wrinkled her forehead.

“Urgent different or we-can-deal-with-it-tomorrow different?” she asked suspiciously.

Mark turned a little pink and murmured- “Just different.”

“Fine.” She didn’t have the energy to get into one of their little argument now; the faster she puts up with him, the faster she can go home.

Mark made a gesture toward the entrance hallway that was hidden from sight and a woman in her early twenties came forward from behind the wall.

Luna almost choked the second she laid eyes on her, when the only thought the echoed in her head was – ‘Olivia!’

Luckily, she learned from her father, years ago, how to maintain a perfect poker face, so her surprise wasn’t visible to the other two.

However, the moment passed quickly as she was able to use her reason again. Of course that wasn’t Olivia. Luna held her little sister in her arms when she found her dead in their house years ago. There is no doubt about her passing. Also, if she were magically alive, she’d be older than the woman standing in front of her. And as the thought of her sister slowly faded away from her mind, she started noticing all the differences between them. The woman was shorter than her. She had bleached blond hair, blue eyes and her skin was prominently tan.

After a long silence, Luna finally opened her mouth to speak.

“If there isn’t an emergency, I’m afraid we’re closed for the day.” she said coldly, the feeling of unease still holding onto her, forcing her to create a distance between her and the unknown woman.

“I’m not… I mean...“ The woman blushed and lowered her gaze. Her accent was foreign. After a few seconds of silence, she looked like she mustered the courage to continue- “My name is Lily Walker, but when I was a little girl, it was Lilia Silver.”

Luna’s body has stiffened and she remained silence. Could that really be Lilia? There is a family resemblance, of course, but these kind of things can be easily altered with magic.

She saw Mark’s gaze from the corner of her eyes, burning with curiosity for any type of reaction from her, but she kept a blank expression.

Lilia continued – “I found these-“, she got a pack of letters out of her cloak. “My mom wrote them, but never actually sent any.” She offered them to Luna that briefly looked through them. She recognized her mother’s handwriting, same as in the last letter she got from her after the Second Wizarding War, telling her that she took Lilia and fled to the US to start a new life.

She wasn’t convinced yet, but was willing to go along with it for now.

“It’s been…” Luna’s voice sounded uninterested, but it’s just because she wasn’t sure how to react.

“Fifteen years.” Lilia finished the sentence. “Mom wanted to send them, but after you didn’t response to her first letter, she assumed you didn’t want anything to do with her.”

“She wanted a fresh start.” Luna said calmly, her expression was still unreadable. “That is what I gave her.”

For a second it looked like Lilia lost her nerve again, but then she shook her head and said- “She missed you very much. You and Jacob.”

Luna ignored the mention of their brother. A vague memory of her mother’s face came to mind. She threw away all the pictures of her, so she barely remembered how she looked after all these years. It’s been so long since she thought of her.

Mark opened his mouth, but closed it before any words came out. Luna shook her head, as if she’s trying to physically get rid of these memories. It’s all in the past, Luna’s moved on years ago. None of it is her concern anymore.

“All right, so how may I help you?” she said, keeping an emotional distance between her and her long lost sister.

Lilia was clearly taken aback by it. Red blush covered her cheeks while she turned to look at Mark, seeking for any kind of help he has to offer.

Mark clear his throat and said with a slightly cracked voice – “You look tired, do you have anywhere to stay?”

Luna narrowed her eyes.

“Oh, yes. Thank you.” Lilia said quickly and turned back to Luna. “I wasn’t trying to pry; I just wanted to meet you.” Somehow, her skin managed to turn even redder. “It’s just that I have so few memories of you and I… I wanted to make sure… you were doing all right.”

“I am, thank you for your concern.” Luna’s tone was even colder than before. “I’m afraid I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, so if there isn’t anything else-“

“We would love to have you over for supper, are you free tomorrow?” Mark interrupted.

Lilia was surprised by the offer and sneaked a look at Luna, who was clearly annoyed by him, before she said- “I really don’t want to intrude-“

“Nonsense, the more the merrier.” He smiled softly and handed her over a piece of paper, the text appeared on it while he was handing it over. “This is our address, shall we say eight thirty?”

Luna remained quiet.

“Sure.” Lilia said and took the piece of paper, still surprised but clearly relieved. “I’ll see you then.”

“See you soon.” He said kindly and escorted her to the exit.

When she was gone, Luna crossed her arm and stared at him angrily.

“Oh, spare me.” he shook his head. “That’s you sister! We can’t just ignore her. I wasn’t even aware she exists!”

“It is not a part of my life I wish to revisit.” Luna said irritably, but he stood his ground.

“She still came all this way to meet you.” He said dismissively. “You’ll thank me later, trust me.”

“Oh, you are just the nosiest little prat, aren’t you?” She sighed. “Fine, but you’re in charge of making the damn supper.”

“So, same as usual, then.” He laughed and put his arm around her. “Oh, come on, Mum. It would be a blast. You love having guests over!”

“Invited guests.”

“She WAS invited.”

Luna sighed again and a yawn sneaked out of her mouth. Her body reminded her why she wanted to go home in the first place, she had such a long day today and tomorrow is going to be just as long. “Fine, you win. But you’re working over-time for this little stunt.”

“You were going to make me work over-time anyway, admit it.”

Luna gave him a faint smile and they both turn toward the exit.

------

Luna was never close with her baby sister (she was born when Luna was in her 5th year at Hogwarts), because she was barely home at that time, so she never really spent time with her. And after her mum fled the country with her, Luna just suppressed all thoughts about them.

So I thought it would be interesting to write about them meeting after all those years.

I wrote more, but I’m not sure I want to post it.. Maybe some day.

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 5 | Second Guessing & The Pink Suit | 9.1K words

‘Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Masterlist

Warnings: depictions of anxiety & panic attacks

A/N: Aurora deals with a lot of anxiety in the the beginning of this part. I write from my personal experience & acknowledge that nobody experiences anxiety & panic attack in the same way. Writing from my experience was part of my recovery & continues to assist me as I progress & learn to take better care of myself. I love Aurora & I hope you all do too. 

The whole of Aurora’s travels to Italy are done so in a fog. A small headache was the last thing on her mind as she wandered from security to the gate. When Aurora woke up this morning, the same smile from the night before showed up again, but not long into packing her belongings and getting ready to leave Spain did the worried thoughts come up.

Was last night just a long build up to a few silly kisses? Will the alcohol be an excuse? Aurora can’t stop worrying. She can’t stop thinking about the idea of last night and anything else that stems from it costing her her job. But on the other hand, how could any of this not be right? Not be okay? There’s something so right when Harry and Aurora meld together. 

Aurora’s shaken out of her thoughts when the final call for her flight is announced over the speakers in her terminal. The flight isn’t that long, but still long enough for Aurora to fall asleep the second she presses play on her favourite podcast. 

Without a doubt, there’s a handwritten note waiting for her on the bedside table when she gets to her hotel room in Milan. She leaves it unopened and unread and instead facetimes her sister and tells her everything. Leila knew something had been up. Leila and Aurora, though 7 years separate them, are each other’s best friend. Through the cloud of anxiety that swarmed Aurora’s small hotel room, she managed to get everything out without a filter. 

“Oh, Aurora,” Lelia sighs, “only you would get your dream job and get an international rockstar to fall in love with you.” 

“Leila!” Aurora groans, “You are NOT helping this situation. At. All.” 

“Who said I would help?” Aurora groans again. She knows her sister is only trying to help lighten up the conversation but Aurora is freaking out. “Okay, Okay. Serious now.” Leila takes a visible deep breath before continuing. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you, cause I’m your older sister and that’s my job.” Aurora nods, her heart sinking. “You could cut it off, end anything not work related, strictly business between you and Harry. Or, you could just let what happens, happens and figure out what’s really going on between you two.” 

Aurora stares at her sister through the small camera on her computer. Neither of the options Leila has presented sound appealing to her. 

“Aurora, from where I stand, I think ending what you and Harry have could be the worst idea. I think space might be a good idea, but don’t cut it off. Don’t run from it.” Leila pauses. “I’m your sister, your best friend, I know you better than anyone… don’t run away from this.” Aurora’s breath catches in her throat so she nods in response. She knows what Leila is talking about. Aurora likes to run. Run from everything. “Don’t run. It’s your dream job. Why not make the most of what’s in front of you?” Leila laughs. “Dream job and a romance. Only you.” The two sisters laugh together then. 

Aurora and Leila say their goodbyes but not without the older sister making the younger promise to call and text more and to keep her updated. That’s what sisters are for right? 

Aurora goes to bed early. She never opens the note with “Rory” scribed on the outside in Harry’s handwriting. 

She’s a ball of anxiety with shaky hands when she gets to the Milan Arena the next day. It’s later in the afternoon than she normally likes to get to the arena but she stayed in bed for a long time this morning and she didn’t want there to be any extra time to spend there. Time she normally spends with Harry. She rushes to Harry’s dressing room first when she checks the time. He normally works with his trainer right about now - perfect time for her to take care of his suit for the show and then move along. 

Aurora curses under her breath when she is reminded of what he’s wearing tonight. A fuschia pink jacket and trouser that are both covered in glitter and an equally glitter covered golden pussy bow button down. The bow on this one is much more dramatic than the others he’s worn in previous shows. She’s instantly reminded of the intimate moments they’ve shared while she’s helped him get ready. It’s not even been a full month on the road and the tour is only 12 shows deep but she can’t help but reminisce over it all already. She’ll have to come back later to help Harry with the bow, she supposes she can’t avoid him at all cost. She can minimize the time they have together, though, so she proceeds with heating up the steamer and prepping his suit, shoes, socks, all of the things she normally does. 

Aurora makes her way to Mitch and Adam’s dressing rooms and does her job there. She’s interrupted when she’s fixing a small stitch on Sarah’s blouse. 

“Oh Aurora! Glad I found you,” Jeff’s voice echoes through the otherwise silent dressing room. “Harry was getting worried, said he hadn’t seen or heard from you. He’ll be done with soundcheck in 15, should I tell him to find you here?” Aurora can hear her heartbeat in her ears. 

“Uhm, uh,” she’s trying to stall to get her thoughts together. “I’m almost finished up here, actually. Just tell him I’m fine and I’ll be back to his dressing room to help him get ready later on.” 

“Oh, okay.” Jeff is surprised by her response. Jeff doesn’t know everything but he knows enough to know something isn’t right. “Do you need anything, Aurora?” He offers her a small smile. 

“I’m alright thanks.” Just leave me alone please, she wants to say. 

Aurora’s done her best to hide and Harry never came looking for her. She’s realised how lonely this all could get if she really decides to end everything with Harry. Lonely and exhausting. She can’t pretend like everything is okay though, she has to follow her gut. But what about following her heart? She’s still wrestling with her thoughts and she can’t seem to win. She’s gotta stick to her gut, she just isn’t sure what it’s telling her to do right now. Aurora curses to herself again, the millionth time on this tour, this day even when she catches herself daydreaming about her and Harry at the bar in Spain. 

When she gets to Harry’s dressing room, she notices there isn’t much noise coming from it, some rattling, which Aurora only assumes is Ayae picking through her supplies. Normally Harry’s room is so lively, his voice warm and cheerful, but there’s nothing. 

Harry looks up from his hands when he hears a light knock on the propped open door. He normally keeps it closed when he’s getting ready but he made a point to keep it open for Aurora. She notices this without a doubt. 

“Ror,’ he says softly when he sees her. She’s wearing the same crewneck she had been wearing when he came to her hotel room in Hamburg, but instead of leggings, she has dark blue ripped jeans on. She’s somehow made the sweatshirt look like she’s picked it up from a cool vintage shop when he very well knows it’s her high school honor society sweatshirt. She’s got clunky boots on her feet and her hair drapes around her shoulders, flyaways falling in her face. He wants nothing more to tuck the hair in her face behind her ear and wrap her up in a hug. He knows that he shouldn’t though. There’s something going on but he doesn’t know what. “Alright?” 

She nods, “Yeah, bit tired is all. You?” She reciprocates trying to make all of this as normal as possible. To say that Harry is confused is an understatement. She didn’t show up for coffee at the hotel that morning. He’s confused and worried and sad when he should be happy and content and everything good. Just nights ago he kissed the girl he had been crushing on since last May. How could everything change so fast? 

“I’m alright,” Aurora doesn’t mirror the small smile on Harry’s face when they meet eyes. “Did you not get my note?” Harry asks quietly, his smile fading. Aurora stays silent and looks away from him. 

“Was exhausted when I got to my hotel last night and must’ve missed it,” she lies as she reaches for the glittery suit. 

Harry thanks Ayae when she says she’s finished. Normally sticking around while they pick on Harry or Harry picks on Aurora, she opts to leave them alone now, instead. Ayae can tell from Harry’s almost silence in the past hour and the interaction she’s just witnessed that she doesn’t need to be in the dressing room any longer. 

Harry tries to keep up some small talk with Aurora but they both grow exhausted from the run of the mill conversation between them. The silence is deafening and they’re both sick of it but neither know what to do. Aurora ties the bow on his shirt and out of habit Harry dips his head down towards her to watch her movements and study her focused face. He can see her hands trembling, more than usual and his heart hurts looking at her. 

“Everything okay, Aurora?” She hums an okay back, barely audible. “Just don’t seem like yourself,” he comments warily. 

“Just tired, is all.” She pauses. “Between traveling and drinking the other night, it’s all just kinda piled up, I guess.” Her voice is soft, if Harry wasn’t inches from her he wouldn’t have heard her answer. 

Harry accepts her answer. For now. He can tell something is up but doesn’t want to push. There’s a hint of worry in the back of his mind. He can’t help it. He tries to read her, through her eyes, her movements, anything but comes out empty. 

Aurora whispers a goodluck to him after helping him into his jacket. Harry desperately wants nothing more than to kiss her and wrap her up in a hug, but before he even gets the chance to sort out his thoughts on what to do next she’s out the door and down the hall. His feet move before he can think and he’s running out into the hall after her. 

“Rory,” he calls, is voice echoing against the cement walls. “Ror,” he calls again. She stops in her tracks but doesn’t turn around. He sees her shoulders rise and fall dramatically. He jogs the distance between them but she doesn’t turn around. “Did I do something?” Harry asks vaguely to the back of her head. There’s silence before she turns around to face him. She fixes her eyes on the gold glitter of his shirt, not daring to make eye contact. She shakes her head, her focus traveling down to Harry’s shoes. “Ror, you gotta talk to me. Please.” There’s a small shake to his voice that makes Aurora look up at him. 

“Harry,” she takes a deep breath, “you did absolutely nothing wrong. I just, I need some space, I think I need space.” She rambles off. Harry whispers her full name. “You did everything right, actually, but I need-I don’t know what I need, really. Just-just, don’t worry about me, okay? Everything is okay, I’m okay. We’re okay. Everything is okay.” She’s hoping that saying it outloud will make herself believe it too. Shes mumbling and rambling and she doubts Harry understands what she’s saying. She barely does. “Just leave your suit out after the show and I’ll come take care of it.” 

Aurora walks away from Harry, numbness starting to appear in her fingertips. Not a good sign. When she gets back to her green room, she tries to busy herself with a book. Everyone is bustling around the arena and nobody will be around until the end of the show. She wishes she could leave the arena but she still has her job to finish for the night. She remembers as she starts to skim over the words on the page that she has to get on a train after they pack up at the arena. She’s trying to do the math to figure out how many hours until she’ll be in a new hotel room, sleeping in a bed that's way too big for just her when she lets her eyes close. She never had a chance at actually reading. Between the jet lag and anxiety that’s been boiling in her body she’s pulled into sleep, the noise of the arena slowly floating away.  

The train ride to Bologna is no better than her flight to Milan. She’s anxious and to add to all of her previous thoughts she’s replaying the interaction between her and Harry post show. She had been too eager to get his suits pack up and leave the arena that she walked in just before he was leaving. Harry didn’t know what to say and neither did Aurora. Harry did notice the slight crease in her check from where she probably fell asleep and assumed that she missed the show. His heart sunk a bit when he confirmed his thoughts. He couldn’t find Aurora during ESNY like he always does, he had a hunch she wasn’t in the audience at all. He was right, sadly so. 

“Just getting everything packed up before I catch my train,” she voices quickly, pointing to where his suit lays neatly on the couch. Harry hums an okay. He goes to leave but pauses at the door. 

“Ror, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that a few nights ago in Spain I did something that I wanted to do for a long time. I can’t explain everything I’m feeling, but you mean a lot to me. I can’t fix anything or help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He pauses and Aurora can feel her eyes sting and she’s praying that she can hold back the tears. “I’m here whenever you want to talk, but I’m not going to push you, okay?” Aurora nods slowly, words unable to form and a lump appearing in her throat. Harry offers a small smile before turning around again. He’s stepped into the hall but instead of leaving he turns around again, hand hanging on the door frame. “Regardless of whatever is going on right now, you better bet that there’ll be another note in your hotel room in Bologna.” Aurora chokes out a small laugh, a tear falling down her cheek the second he turns on his heels and walks out of sight. 

His kindness (which still catches her off guard everyday) makes her feel a little helpless. How could she have doubted anything between them in the first place? He’s been nothing but open with her. She could have easily just told him what she had been thinking and he would have proved all of doubts wrong. She’s kicking herself for being so, so, So Aurora. She likes to bottle her feelings and thoughts, take them on by herself. She knows that this is the start of her running away. This is why she has never experienced a real relationship. She’s never let it get this deep, this important. 

Now she’s pacing around her hotel room. She notices the time on the digital clock next to the messy hotel bed when she starts flipping through Harry’s lookbook. 4am.  Hastily, she looks for one of the New York pages. At the bottom of page in Harry’s familiar handwriting is his number. Aurora had yet to add it to her phone. He had written it there without context at the beginning of the tour. She had never thought to add it to her whatsapp contacts as she pretty much sees him everyday. His handwritten notes also sufficed for text messages. But right now, Aurora needs to hear his voice, needs to apologize, needs something. She’s overwhelmed and exhausted and everything feels wrong. Except Harry. How is it that part of the problem is also the fix for it all? 

Aurora starts with a text. If he’s awake he’ll respond. He’s probably not awake and won’t answer it till morning so that makes Aurora feel okay about sending him this desperate, vague text. 

- kinda just need to hear your voice. and talk. and idk. please don’t hate me for how I treated you in Milan - 

She tosses her phone across the large mattress and goes to the bathroom to wash her face for the millionth time that night. For how exhausted she is she hasn’t been able to fall asleep again. Too many naps today, she thinks. In reality though, she can’t get her mind to settle and turn off. She’s gotta face the music. Or in her case, the person who makes the music. Her phone dings across the room. 

- I could never hate you. - 

Then it dings again. 

- what’s your room #? - 

Aurora blinks at the messages, her hands trembling and heart beating fast. She doesn’t hesitate to type out her room number, though. 

- I’ll be there in 5 minutes. - 

She’s surprised by his rapid responses. She really hopes she didn’t wake him, but why would he be up at 4am? Jet lag? 5 minutes later, on the dot, there’s a knock on her door. When she opens the door she can tell that she probably looks a mess. Harry’s normal resting face - soft, unjudging, kind - changes quickly with creases in his forehead, his mouth gapes open slightly and there’s a worried look now gracing his face. A sigh exits his mouth without him meaning to. 

“Hi,” Aurora says sheepishly. 

“Hi, Ror,” he repeats back. Aurora steps back to let him through the doorway, letting the heavy hotel room door close behind him. She hasn’t walked very far into the room, only enough to really let him in. She wants to dive into his chest and hide. She wants nothing more than to hide, sudden regret washing over her. Why did she text him at this ungodly hour?  “Ror,” Harry says again, pulling her out of her thoughts immediately. She looks up with raised eyebrows. “Alright?” he asks even though he knows the answer. He thinks he knows the answer at least. Aurora shakes her head, knowing that if she tries to speak her voice will crack and tears will start rolling down her face. “Come ‘ere,” Harry says as he reaches his arms to her. 

Aurora is thankful that Harry can act on the exact thoughts in her head. She sighs in relief when she feels his arms wrap around her tightly. She indulges herself in rubbing her nose against the soft muscle of his chest. She can feel Harry let out a breath he was holding in, his chest starting to rise and fall evenly eventually. 

After a few moments of standing there in the small hallway of Aurora’s hotel room, she feels Harry press his lips to her hair. Aurora silently thanks whatever god or higher being is out there, she doesn’t know who specifically, for this moment. For Harry’s kindness. For anything else that happens from here on out because she thinks everything will be alright in a little bit. 

Harry pulls away bringing his hands to Aurora’s face. She sighs when they meet eyes and laughs to herself. 

“What’s so funny, love?” Harry asks in disbelief, a chuckle leaving his mouth too. 

“I don’t really know,” Aurora says quietly. “Just a lot going on in my head,” she finally shares. 

“Is that why you texted me at bloody, 4am?” Harry jokes. Aurora starts to apologize, her heart sinking, but Harry cuts her off. “I’m joking with you, Rory.” She hits his chest with both of her fists, not doing any damage, but the intention is there. “Sorry, sorry, not the time for jokes,” Harry continues seriously. “What’s going on, love?” Aurora shakes her head at herself. She’s trying to collect her thoughts. She wants her words to be put together, as cohesive, as she can. 

She chooses to break away from Harry. His hands on her skin isn’t helping gather her words. She walks over to the still made bed and sits down, pulling her legs to her chest, feet on the edge of the mattress. Harry follows suit, letting his adidas short clad legs hang off the edge. He’s giving her space right now and not choosing to sit right next to her, but still near her. He wants to be able to reach out to her if needed.

“Harry,” she whispers, “I’m sorry.” Harry tries to interrupt her apology. “Please just let me say what I need to.” He nods, understanding. “I’m sorry for treating you like I have the past 24 plus hours. I got overwhelmed. So overwhelmed. I saw your note back in Milan but didn’t even open it. Still haven’t. It’s tucked in my backpack, sealed. You deserve an explanation. I’m trying my best to explain it all.” Aurora sighs, fiddling with her fingers, she knows she’s fumbling through her words. She’s also convinced that Harry can hear the deep beat of her rapid heart right now. “Spain was incredible. For so many reasons. Please don’t think anything happened that I didn’t want. I don’t regret anything, at all. I could never. But I started second guessing everything. My anxiety got the best of me. Everything has seemed so foggy since I left Spain. I was afraid that you might have regretted what happened in the bar, that it didn’t mean anything to you.” 

Aurora’s suddenly surprised how well she is able to voice her thoughts. She takes a breath before continuing. She’s proud of herself in this exact moment for speaking her mind. 

“Then I started to worry about the fact that this is my job, that you’re actually my boss. I got scared. So scared.” She lets her knees part from her chest and sits with her legs crossed on the mattress, dropping her hands in her lap. Another deep breath. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing everything felt. How could something so good, something that makes me so fucking happy be bad?” She swears with an edge, frustration starting to litter every sentence. “I didn’t really know what was going on in your head and I should’ve asked but instead I did what I always do. I started to run away.” 

She shakes her head at her honesty. She can’t believe she’s sharing all of this right now. She had never intended on being this honest with him, but the words are falling out faster than she can think. 

“I’ve been so anxious about all of this and thought avoiding you as best as I could would help. But really it just made it worse. I’ve wanted nothing more than to just pretend like nothing was wrong and just let everything happen, but I couldn’t. There’s something stopping me and I couldn’t put my finger on it.” She looks up at him trying to read him. His face is neutral. There’s an openness about it. She releases the biggest sigh she has all night. “I’m terrified, Harry, really truly terrified. I’ve got my dream job, working with the best people I could think of and now, now,” she starts to second guess what she wants to say next, “now there’s this,” she continues, motioning between her and Harry. “I just want this to be okay. For us to be on the same page. And-and I think we are…” Aurora trails off. “Back at the arena you opened up and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. About how you couldn’t fully explain it, but there’s something special.” Aurora notices she’s shaking her head again. “Sorry, this is all over the place.” Harry shakes his head now. She can see his hand twitch out of the corner of her eyes and wants nothing more but to reach out to him, but she restrains just as he had. She’s gotta focus. “I feel so stupid for even second guessing this, whatever this is,” she notes, “I should’ve talked to you right away but the truth is that I don’t let things get like this. Get this important. My job, my heart, it’s all mixed together right now. It’s all one and now everything is on the line.” Aurora pauses one last time, gathering her final thoughts. “I’m sorry for texting you at 4am. I was restless and knew I needed to do something about this. Needed to talk to you. The worst part about the past 24 hours was that while I was avoiding you, all I really wanted was to be with you.”  

There’s silence between them for a while, both of them processing Aurora’s words. Her breathing is heavy, from vomiting her words or from her anxious heart, she’s unsure. She feels like her heart has turned into a boulder and is just freely knocking around in her ribcage. Why does it hurt so much to speak from the heart? Harry runs a hand through his short curls, his curls being the messiest she’s ever seen.

He runs his hand through his hair again before speaking. “I was awake, so don’t be sorry for texting me at 4am.” Aurora’s brows knit together in confusion. “I was thinking about all of this too. Couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t okay,” he pauses “even though you told me you were. And please don’t be sorry for anything. You have every right to everything you’re feeling right now.” He’s pulling at his bottom lip, collecting his thoughts. “We can handle this however you need, but I hope that we can do it without you keeping things from me. This is all new. I’ve never done something like this-” 

“What? Get involved with someone you work with?” Aurora half jokes. 

“I mean, yes, but it’s more than that. Yes, we work together. Yes I am technically your boss.” Harry pauses, something clicking in his head. “Actually, Harry Lambert is your boss. I’m his boss. So if that’s what’s bothering you-”

“Harry.” 

“Aurora.”

“You know that’s just a technicality. I still work for you.”

“Okay okay. You’re right. Yeah. Uhm, well, apart from that, there’s more to it. Yes, we work together, but I’ve never felt like this about someone. This is all new for me too.” He chuckles to himself and Aurora raises her brows up in question. “Just realising that everything is so new to me. Everything I’ve been doing this past year. Since the band, it’s all new.”

“Yeah, but you’ve made an album before, you’ve done promo, toured, all of it. You’ve done it.” Aurora comments.  

“Yeah I have, but it’s different. I’m in control of everything. I have the final say of it all.” Harry’s face changes. Realization washing over his entire body. “If you think about it, we’re both in the same place… mentally. I think at least.” His green eyes are surprisingly piercing in the low light of the hotel room. “As much as I love my job and my life, it’s nothing but overwhelming lately. It’s one thing after the other.” Harry pushes himself to stand. He’s pacing now. “I get it, Ror, I really do.” He stops in his tracks. “I think I need you here with me though.” Harry’s just made a very bold request and the relief that Aurora had felt after speaking her mind is gone. “Harry,” she starts to plead. 

“Aurora, I’m serious.” “Harry, I think we need to slow down here,” her voice shakes. When Harry looks at her, he can tell he’s stepped just too far. He’s adding to the anxiety not helping. His whispers a sorry to her, frozen. “Just give me a minute, okay?” Aurora is standing now too. Without thought she heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Wetting a washcloth, she dabs her face, staring at her reflection in the mirror. 

“Ror, I’m sorry. I just-I guess that’s how I really feel. I didn’t realise it ‘till now.” His voice is muffled by the door between them. There’s a few moments of silence before Aurora opens the door. 

“It’s all a lot right now. I think I feel the same, but-but, it’s just a lot.” Exhaustion and the desperate need for a real few hours of sleep are quickly building up behind Aurora’s eyelids. She wants nothing more than to fall into Harry’s arms and fall asleep. Tears start to sting at her eyes. “Oh, love, please don’t cry. I don’t want you to be upset.” There’s panic in Harry’s eyes. 

“No, no,” she stops him, “I’m just so tired and overwhelmed.” A yawn interrupts her. “I want to talk through this, figure it out, but I’m just so tired. I don’t think either of us are sure of what’s going on in our own heads.” Harry nods. 

“I’ll go then, we’ll continue this-”

“No, Harry, don’t go. I don’t want you to go. Can we just-just sleep and then finish this in the morning?” Aurora has let all of her guards down at this point. She doesn’t care anymore. “Only if you want,” she adds. She hopes he wants to stay. 

Harry approaches her cautiously. When Aurora steps forward Harry knows it’s okay. That everything will be okay. Aurora falls into Harry’s chest, her hands trailing up his shoulder blades. Harry tightly wraps his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck before tucking his face into her hair. They stand there for awhile both too tired to move. When they do finally move, they do so wordlessly. With a soft kiss to Aurora’s forehead and a promise to talk when they’re both well rested they fall asleep instantly. 

The next morning they’re awoken by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry answers the phone with a whisper hoping not to startle Aurora. The soft Italian sun is shining through the gauzy curtains across the room, causing a yellow light to cast across the white bedding. Harry moves to sit on the edge of the bed, the heat leaving with him. When Harry notices Aurora shift in the bed he gives her an apologetic look. 

“Jeff, I’ll be there, promise. Just give me the morning,” he speaks through the phone. His voice is raspy and low. Aurora quite likes the sound of it right now. 

Since she’s awake and Harry’s busy for the moment she runs to the bathroom, washes her face with cold water to wake her up and brushes her teeth. When Aurora gets back Harry’s now making a call on the hotel room phone. He says something in Italian. His voice has smoothed out now, but still low and the Italian rolls off his tongue. 

“Just ordering some coffee.” 

“Didn’t know you spoke Italian,” she comments when she sits back down on the bed. 

“Picked most of it up throughout the years, just to get by.” 

She taps her phone to life on the bedside table, not remembering plugging it in last night. There’s a handful of messages and emails. She notices Helene’s name a few times and knows instantly that she’ll have to tell her everything. In the midst of ignoring Harry she had done so to her as well. Her heart sinks at the thought of treating her newest friend like that. She types out a quick message reassuring Helene that she’s alright and will tell her everything this afternoon, asking to meet for lunch or dinner. Aurora refuses to leave Italy without a proper Italian meal. Her stomach quite likes the thought of spaghetti right now. Damn jetlag, it’s not even 9am. 

While Harry’s freshening up in the bathroom, room service knocks on the door. 

“Buongiorno, Ms. Del Gatto,” a dark haired man in a vest and bowtie greats her. Just as the cart filled with coffee and a few pastries is settled in the small open space of her hotel room Harry emerges, pulls a few rogue euros from his wallet and hands them to the gentleman. 

“Grazie,” rolls off Harry’s tongue during the exchange. Aurora stands by the cart awkwardly, fiddling with the hem of her t shirt. Once the man has left them alone and the door closes behind them Harry grabs the latte he ordered for Aurora and hands it to her. “Come on, love,” he ushers her to the very small couch. “Sleep alright?” he asks as she sips her coffee without saying a word. Aurora hums, both in reference to sleeping and to the lovely feeling of the frothy latte on her lips. 

“Slept better than I have in a while,” she answers honestly.

“Same here,” Harry says softly, almost like he’s shy about it. “I’m sorry about overstepping last night,” he says after they’ve both made significant way through their coffees. 

“Please don’t apologize for that. You have every right to be honest with me, no matter what it is.” She pauses before continuing. “I’m feeling much better and honestly, it’s not so scary now. Sleep really does wonders.” Aurora reaches out and places her hand on Harry’s knee that’s tucked up onto the couch. “I’ve just been so anxious and not sleeping at all just got to be a whole lot. Very overwhelming.” She’s fiddling with the creases and stitches in his joggers when he reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. She looks up at him, “I just don’t want anything bad to happen. I may be well rested now, but I’m still terrified. 

“I am too,” he assures her. Harry opens his mouth to say something but holds back. 

“What?” Aurora questions, wanting him to be completely open and honest. Harry shakes his head, a full smile doesn’t appear but his dimple does. 

“My mum always says something can’t be too important if it doesn’t scare you a little.” Harry’s hand moves to caress her cheek, his thumb rubbing at the top of her cheekbone. Aurora leans into his touch, her eyes closing briefly. When she feels Harry’s face closing in on hers, her mind betrays what her body is craving. 

“Wait,” her voice comes out without warning. She’s almost taken aback by her own actions but before she can think fast enough there’s a frown engraved on Harry’s once so soft face. “I just need to, setting boundaries isn’t right, but I need something clear, just want us on the same page.” Harry drops his head into the crook of her shoulder. She sees his shoulders release some tension in the same moment. 

“Of course,” he says before pressing his lips to her neck, gently, almost like he can’t help getting his lips on her skin. He lifts his head up and runs a hand through his hair. His curls are a mess and all Aurora wants to do is get her hands in them as well. 

“Keep things slow?” Harry nods, agreeing with Aurora. “But not too slow,” she lets out a light giggle before continuing. Harry nods again his hands finding a soft grip on her waist, slowly pulling her closer to him. “Stay honest with each other, share whatever we’re feeling so we’re always on the same page.” Harry hums along with her words. “I’d prefer to keep this on the DL for at least a bit…” she trails off, “would rather not get papped and end up in The Sun, too.” 

“Do you even know me?” Harry jokes. She laughs along, Harry’s gotten really good at hiding from the public. “I’ve got lots of practice.” Harry’s grip on Aurora’s waist has gotten tighter, his thumbs digging in gently. “Seems like a good list to start with. We can always add more.” 

“Mhm,” Aurora agrees. A bright smile appears on her face. She lets Harry control her movements and before she knows it he’s pulling her onto his lap, swinging one leg over to rest her knees on the couch cushions on either side of his thighs. She lets herself run a hand through his hair right above his ear as her weight fully relaxes onto his thighs. The look on Harry’s face is nothing but pure contentment. Her face mirrors his and Aurora thinks she could sit like this, with him forever. Then Harry closes the gap and he’s kissing her. Finally. The kiss is languid but Harry’s hands haven’t stopped moving. They move up and down Aurora’s back and then land on her waist again before squeezing the muscles of her thighs. He takes her face in his hands too, angling her head to showcase her neck a bit, trailing kisses down to the base of her neck and then her collarbone. Aurora wishes she could be here in this moment for the rest of time. Kissing Harry is like being able to stop time and Aurora quite likes the thought of that, too.

Eventually they break apart from each other. Well, their lips at least. Harry takes the moment and wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly against him, burying his head into her shoulder and inhaling deeply. Aurora mirrors his deep breath, her arms wrapping around his broad shoulders, scratching against his shoulder blades lightly. They’re interrupted by a call from Jeff, which Harry ignores. Then they’re interrupted again when there’s a knock on the door. 

When Aurora looks through the peephole she can barely see who is standing outside of the door. She giggles when she recognizes Helene’s face. Aurora opens the door just as Harry walks up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. There’s an elated look on Helene’s face when Harry presses a kiss to Aurora’s cheek. 

“I’ve gotta get ready so I can meet up with Jeffrey,” he rolls his eyes, “I’ll find you later,” he finishes before kissing Aurora on the lips this time. They may have spent the better part of the past hour kissing but with Helene as an audience and the simplicity of a goodbye kiss, it catches Aurora off guard. “Don’t forget about that note.” Harry says hello and goodbye to Helene before he’s stepping onto an elevator to find his own hotel room. 

“Aurora!” Helene exclaims as Aurora closes the door behind her after Helene walks into the hotel room. Aurora groans, falling onto the bed. “Start talking now. Don’t leave anything out.” 

Aurora and Helene find a small Italian restaurant down the street from the hotel and gorge over fresh bread and pasta as Aurora fills Helene in. Aurora is apologizing for the millionth time for being such a shitty friend since she arrived in Italy when her phone rings. Harry’s name is flashing across the screen. Aurora goes to flip it over and silence it but Helene encourages her to answer it through a wink and giggle.

“Hello?” Aurora answers and is greeted by a quick ‘hi’ from Harry on the other end. 

“I need a suit for dinner. Jeffrey is gonna flip if I show up in my track pants and my own merch, again.” He’s rushing through his thoughts, sounds of car horns can be heard in the background. 

“Again?”Aurora questions with a giggle.  

“Rory,” he whines. Aurora can tell he’s panicking but that doesn’t stop her from teasing him. 

“Harry, they’re you’re suits, take whatever one you want, just don’t mess up my perfectly organized wardrobes, please.” She’s trying to hide her laughter but it’s hard when Helene catches on to the conversation and is laughing along too. “Or can you not pick out your own clothes? Gotta pay someone to do it for you?” 

“Ror, I’m serious. Anyways I already tried to get one but I wasn’t allowed to, was told you’re the only one who can do anything with the bloody wardrobe cases.” 

“Wait, you’re telling me, no one will let you have at your own wardrobe? That you paid for?” Aurora doesn’t hide her laughter anymore. “You’re custom wardrobe, with your freaking name sewn into each piece, they won’t let you touch it?” 

“Hah, I can tell you’re getting a real kick out of this. It’s gotta be the language barrier that’s stopping them from letting me get into my shit. Now, help me, please.” Aurora stops laughing when she can tell he’s reached the point of frustration. “I’m on my way to a meeting with Alessandro right now and need one of my suits by 6pm.” 

“Sorry, sorry. No problem. I’ll take care of it. Which suit do you want?”

“Uhm, I don’t know, nothing sparkly, but it doesn’t have to be black, and it needs to be Gucci.” Harry pauses and Aurora is trying to flip through her look book in her head to give suggestions. “I’m wearing the pink gucci tomorrow yeah?” Aurora hums. “Okay. I’ll do that one.”

“Okay, I pull it and send it over to your room in a little bit.” 

“Thank you,” he says and Aurora can hear the relief in his voice. 

“Need anything else, Rockstar?” Aurora asks. The nickname rolling off her tongue was intended to be another dig at him but she quite likes the sound and feel of it. 

“Uhm,” Harry starts, his smile evident in his voice, “could you maybe deliver the suit yourself? Say ‘round 5:30?” Aurora’s watch reads 3:30, a smile now making a show on her face as well. 

“You got it. See you later, Harry.” 

“Oh Aurora,” Helene sighs when she hangs up. 

“What?” She asks through a smile and laugh. 

“Nothing,” she joins in laughing. “S’cute is all. What did the boy need?” 

“Needs a suit for dinner tonight. Guess security won’t let him touch his own clothes.” 

“Ah that’ll be a good one to tease him about.”

“Oh without a doubt.” 

After roaming around the streets of Milan trying to ‘work off’ pounds of pasta the 2 of them inhaled, they make their way to the arena that will host Harry’s show the next night. The errand is quick thanks to security letting them both in right away. They’re laughing the entire time in the arena imagining Harry getting denied access just hours prior. With the bright pink Gucci suit packed into a black garment bag, they head back to the hotel. Helene wants to edit some more photos, she claims, but Aurora knows that she’s just making an excuse so Aurora can show up to harry’s room alone. Silently Aurora thanks her but also curses at her. She really is thankful to have Helene on tour, regardless. She’s her cheerleader, even after only just meeting. 

Aurora can hear Harry’s voice through his hotel room door. The conversation, or what she can hear of it, is one-sided. When she knocks on the door she can make out a muffled, “One second, mum.” There’s a moment of silence before he opens the door to her. “Hi, love,” he greets her with a hand at her waist, ushering her in. He presses a quick kiss to her cheek before returning to his phone call, giving her an apologetic look as well. 

“Okay mum, Aurora is here. I gotta get ready.” Pause. “Muuum,” he groans, “I’ll call you tomorrow before the show, okay?” Another pause. Aurora can’t help but notice the heat that has risen to his cheeks. “Love you too.” He tosses his phone on the nearby couch. “Sorry bout that. You know how mums are…” he says, raising his eyebrows at her. 

“Never answer your calls, then freaks out when you don’t,” she rolls her eyes. 

“Nosy, too, aren’t they?” Harry shakes his head. 

“Without a doubt.” Aurora hangs the garment bag in the closet near the door. “Are you close with your mom?” She curiously asks. She’s heard he is, but there’s been no evidence of it in her time knowing him. Not that she doubts it, he can just be a bit closed off sometimes. 

“Very. She’s my hero, if I’m honest.” Aurora’s ears perk up at the honesty. 

“I could say the same about my mom,” she barely comments before Harry’s pulling her into a hug. His face finds the crook of her shoulder and he squeezes tightly around the middle. 

“Can we stop talking about our mums,” he says as he brings his face back so he can see her, his grip barely loosening on her waist, “cause I don’t wanna be thinking about my mum when I kiss you.” Aurora is a little taken aback by his frankness for a second. A giggle leaves her lips and she just nods, afraid her voice won’t come out if she opens her mouth to talk. “Good,” is all he says before connecting their lips. Aurora can feel Harry smile into the kiss and she reciprocates it. One of her hands racks through the short curls at the back of his head and the other softly caresses his jawline. One particularly rougher comb through his hair has him wrapping his arms tighter around her waist, bending her back just a little. Aurora is the one who pulls away first, but only to land a few kisses to his jawline. A groan comes from the back of Harry’s throat. He cradles her face in his hands and pulls her into a deep kiss. His kisses are more urgent than they had been this morning. This morning they were both basquing in each others company like time didn’t exist but now it’s a bit more needy. Aurora can almost feel Harry’s frustrations from this afternoon fall away as his kisses slow down. Though the pace slows down, the deep intent of the kiss is still there. 

Harry pulls away now, knowing he’s on a bit of a time crunch and being on the phone with his mum this past half hour has set him back. He’s met with a pout on Aurora’s face. 

“I’ve gotta get ready,” he says with a lopsided smile, his lips a deeper shade of pink than normal. 

“Normally I’m the one trying to get you to stay on schedule,” Aurora teases. 

“I know,” he groans back. “I wish we could just stay here and order in dinner, watch a movie or somethin’. Got this bloody business dinner to go to.” 

“It’ll be okay, H,” she says pulling away to grab his suit out of the garment bag. She checks her watch. She can hear him groan quietly again and laughs. 

Aurora’s fixing how his suit jacket lays on his shoulders when she can feel him smiling down at her. She raises an eyebrow at him and he responds with a light kiss to her forehead. 

“Everything alright?” Aurora asks when she notices a look on his face that she can’t decipher. 

“Yeah, everything is great,” he says with a smile. “Thanks for taking care of me, love.” He says once he’s got his shoes on and is ready to leave. 

“It’s my job, isn’t it?” 

Harry pauses before responding, “I mean, yeah, but still. Thank you.” He seals the thanks with a soft peck to her lips. “I’ve gotta go, but I wouldn’t mind if you were still here when I get back…” Harry quickly states. 

Aurora gives him a face that she hopes relays her confliction. “I should probably head to bed early.” She pushes up to the tips of her toes and presses her lips to his for a few seconds. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

“Well promise me lunch tomorrow then yeah?” 

Aurora rolls her eyes, “okayyyy,” she trails on as she makes her way to the door after grabbing her jacket and purse from the chair. “Bye, Harry! Enjoy dinner and tell Alessandro I’m his biggest fan!” She turns around in the open doorway, “Wait, don’t actually tell him that. Okay bye!” 

| | | | |

Aurora is awakened the next morning by a courtesy wakeup call and then a knock at her door no more than a minute later. When she opens the door, the same dark haired hotel worker greets her from the morning before. He wheels in a room service cart that’s beautifully presented with a full breakfast and fresh coffee. She shakes her head when she notices the note, “Rory” scribbled on the envelope. She tips the young man before closing the door behind him. 

Meet me in the lobby @ noon for lunch xx Harry. 

Harry takes her to lunch at a nearby restaurant and they’re both so overwhelmed with all of the incredible options on the menu that they share 3 different plates of pasta and order a few more dishes to-go and bring them back to the arena for dinner and to share with whoever wants some. 

“If I don’t nap in the next 45 minutes I’m going to be useless tonight. Mind if I just meet you at the arena later? I gotta pack up my stuff too.” Harry smiles at her and nods. 

“Of course,” he takes one last sip of the iced tea in front of him. “I’ve got a call to hop on in an hour anyways” 

“Shall we?” Aurora asks, grabbing her purse that’s slung off the back of her chair. 

“There was one thing I wanted to talk to you about quick,” Aurora relaxes back into the chair. Relax is the wrong word cause she’s far from relaxed right now. She nods slowly trying to seem calm. “So the dinner last night was about a shoot I’m doing soon.” She shakes her head. “What?” 

“Harry, you lead into that way too seriously, I thought you were gonna say- I don’t know what but it def didn’t feel like you were about to talk about a business dinner,” she laughs and Harry leaves out a short chuckle. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes, “but I mean, I guess it is kind of serious, but business, work kind of serious.” Aurora’s eyebrows raise as she nods her head urging him to go on. “So I’m doing another Gucci Campaign and we’re shooting, here, in Italy in May, during one of the breaks.” 

“Congrats! That’s incredible, babe!” 

“Thanks,” he says with a soft smile. “I was wondering if you would wanna come with and work the shoot? Lambert will be there and all of Gucci’s team, too.” 

Aurora feels the heat rise to her cheeks and then to the tips of her ears. She can’t help the smile that breaks across her face. At a lunch in the middle of Italy, on a beautiful spring day, belly full of to die for pasta, she never would have dreamt she would be here, having someone, nonetheless, Harry Styles, asking her to work on a Gucci Campaign photoshoot. 

“It would cut your break short. You wouldn’t be able to go home for as long as you probably planned, but it’d be a paid job. Only if you want,” he pauses, “and you don’t have to make the decision now.” He pauses again. “You can also say no right now.” 

“Say no?” She questions him in disbelief, her jaw dropping in surprise. “You really want me there? I can’t imagine they don’t have enough people on the team to really need me? A Gucci photoshoot? Harry! How could I even think about saying no?” She’s ecstatic. 

“Might be sick of dressing me up by then,” Harry jokes. 

“I could never,” she states quickly. “Harry, seriously, thank you so much. I don’t know if you understand or not, but this is a huge fucking deal for me.” She almost whispers to herself, “A gucci photoshoot? What?” Harry catches it though and can’t help from grabbing one of Aurora’s hands and pressing a kiss to her knuckles out of sheer endearment. 

“I’ll have Lambert send over the contract ASAP.” 

Walking back to the hotel, Aurora feels so much lighter than she had a few days ago when she arrived in Italy in a fog. She can’t help herself when they’re waiting at a corner for the walk signal to change and she reaches up on her toes and presses a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek. He squeezes her hand in response. The looming thought of someone seeing them together in public is always there but they don’t give it a second thought. 

“Harry?” Aurora questions when she sees him smiling in the mirror. They’re in his dressing room at the arena and she’s helping him get dressed in the same suit he wore to dinner last night. He hums back at her. “Whatcha smiling at?” she asks through a giggle. 

“Just thinking, really.”

“Thinking about what?” She asks as she grabs his suit jacket. Harry slides his arms into each sleeve before turning around to face Aurora. He lets his head roll on his shoulders, like he’s preparing himself for what he’s about to admit, before meeting her eyes. 

“Just that this suit is kinda like the one I wore on The Today Show.” Aurora’s hands halt their movement when she realises how right Harry is. 

“You mean the one you managed to rip a hole in minutes before you were performing live on national television?” 

“Mmmm, yes, but it’s also the first day I met you.” 

“Don’t start getting all soft on me now, Harry.” Aurora closes Harry’s suit jacket and buttons it close for him. One of Harry’s hands reaches for Aurora’s cheek before he presses a soft, sure kiss on her forehead. “Think this might be one of my favourite suits, then.” 

“You say every suit is your favourite.” Aurora rolls her eyes at him, but before she can make eye contact again he’s kissing her. 

“I do like this one better than the one from the Today Show,” Aurora says when they break away. Harry’s right eyebrow quirks up in question. Aurora runs her hands down the front of the jacket and unbuttons it, revealing the sheer white floral shirt underneath. “This shirt is MUCH better than the black one.” She begins tracing the black ink that shows through the fabric. Harry tucks some of Aurora’s hair behind her ear so he can still see her face a bit while she continues to lightly drag her finger over the fabric. She begins to travel down to where the laurels peak out but hesitates and brings her hands up to the swallows on his chest. Harry notices the deliberate change in direction and lets out a short chuckle. “What?” Harry shakes his head. 

“Nothing, you’re just cute.” Before Aurora can respond he’s pressing a quick kiss to her lips and then running to the bathroom to finish getting ready.  

Thanks for reading !!! I really hope you enjoyed ittttt ! comments & feedback are always welcome, reblogs are encouraged !!!! 

love you mean it. 

[when-they-write-stuff]

I've only just discovered your blog and I'm already in love with your writing. If you want to, could you do 30) “Just remember, if we get in trouble, you're deaf and I don't speak English.” from your prompts list for sterek?

Aww, you’re fantastic! I had fun with this one <3

- -

“Just remember, if we get in trouble, you're deaf and I don't speak English.”

“Stiles,” another voice said, sounding nervous. “That’s a terrible idea. You don’t know anything other than English.”

“Yes, Scotty, but if we get into trouble, nobody needs to know that, do they?”

Derek heard the sound of a sigh and curiously moved across the bar, picking up an already clean glass and rubbing at it like he was actually doing his job. Two kids sat on the stools with their backs to him; one with dark floppy hair and one with shorter brown hair and nervous fingers tapping against the bar counter. 

Moving behind them, Derek cleared his throat. They both spun around and the paler one startled with a squawk, nearly tumbling off of his seat. His friend reached out and steadied him at the last moment.

“Can I get you two anything?” Derek said, studying both their faces. The paler one leaned forward with a small grin, amber eyes dancing.

“Two rum and cokes, please.”

“ID?”

The boy with the floppy hair made a sharp noise in the back of his throat. The other kid elbowed him and grinned at Derek again, before pulling out his wallet. Derek took the ID handed to him and studied it, before raising a brow.

“What the hell kind of name is that?”

“Hey, dude!” The kid protested, looking offended. “You can’t go around saying things like that. So not cool!”

“It’s Stiles,” the other boy said, nervously slipping his ID over the counter too. “We call him Stiles.”

“What the hell kind of name is Stiles?”

“It’s my name, asshole,” Stiles said, glaring. Derek huffed and looked from his ID to his friend’s— Scott McCall— and then pushed them both back. 

“There’s no way you two are twenty-one.”

“Excuse me!” Stiles said, flailing a little. “The ID says it, does it not?”

“Clearly, it’s a fake.”

“I’ll have you know I am only a few months away from being twenty-one,” Stiles said, with a whiny note in his voice. “And it doesn’t make sense that I’m old enough to vote and live on my own, but not drink. Can’t you be a pal and overlook things just this once?”

“Two cokes,” Derek said, undeterred. “Coming right up.”

“You’re a terrible person.”

Derek ignored him and turned away, grabbing two glasses and two cans of soda. He couldn’t deny that he’d been half-tempted to give the kid a break, but if Laura found out she would have his hide. And that’s the last thing Derek needed.

Scott wasn’t paying any attention when Derek slid the two drinks over, but Stiles was watching his face. The kid had a mischievous glint in his eyes that made Derek nervous, and an uptick to his lips that made his stomach flip. Stiles leaned forward, ignoring his drink, and rested his chin on his palms.

“So, what’s a fine gentleman like you doing in a place like this?”

“I work here.”

“Well, clearly,” Stiles said, snorting. “But come on, dude, you’re too pretty to be working in a club like this. Those eyebrows were made for the billboards.”

“My eyebrows.”

“Very sexy,” Stiles said, nodding. “Ten out of ten. You kind of look like you could tear me apart with your bare hands and I don’t think that should be such a turn on.”

Derek rolled his eyes, unable to help it. This guy was something else. “You’re ridiculous.”

“No, I’m Stiles. And you are?”

Derek stared at him for a moment. Then he grunted and turned away, and Stiles made a noise like a dying cat. 

“Wait, dude, I’m sorry! No more dad jokes, I swear. I’ll be good.”

Slowly, Derek turned back around. The mischievous gleam had left Stiles’s eyes and he offered out a hand, fingers wiggling through the air. 

“My full name is Mieczysław. But most people call me Stiles because that’s all they can really manage.”

“Mie— whatever— sounds nothing like Stiles.”

“Yes, but Stiles is fun to say, right?”

Derek sighed and took his hand, feeling a little ridiculous. “I’m Derek.”

“Derek Hale?”

“Yes,” Derek said, narrowing his eyes. “What of it?”

“Dude, your sister owns this palace! I basically just called it a dump, how have you not kicked me out already?”

“I’m tempted,” Derek said. “Would you like me to?”

“You know, I’m gonna pass, thanks.”

Derek smothered the urge to chuckle. For some reason, he didn’t feel the urge to give the kid the boot. Instead, he was kind of hoping Erica or Boyd would come relieve him of his shift already so he could sit down and have an actual conversation.

Which was stupid. Of course.

“So, Derek,” Stiles said, putting extra emphasis on his name. “I have no doubts you have people hitting on you twenty-four-seven due to the—” Stiles gestured through the air and then pointed at his face. “Eyebrows. But if I went on a limb out here and asked for a number, would I be successful?”

“Probably not, but you could try anyway.”

“Playing hard to get,” Stiles said, grinning. He was confident in a way that made Derek feel impressed instead of annoyed. It was… annoying. Or something. “I like that. Should I use a cliche pickup line or just flat out ask?”

Derek only smirked. Stiles’s grin widened and he thought for a moment.

“I bet my number sounds nicer than yours,” he said after a few seconds. “Want to hear it?”

“That was terrible.”

“Okay, then. Give me your number, so we can rant to each other during GOT.”

“Seriously?”

“If you give me your number,” Stiles said with a wink. “I promise to spam you with pictures of cute puppies on a daily basis.”

“That was a little better,” Derek said. “But still terrible.”

“Yeah, well if you think I’m terrible at flirting now, just wait until you flirt with me over the phone.”

He was relentless, Derek had to give him that. He nearly considered making Stiles come up with some stupid pickup lines a little more, simply because he was enjoying him trying, when a hand touched him on the shoulder. Derek jumped and spun around.

“Oh shit,” Laura said, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever snuck up on you before, Der. Having a nice conversation?”

“Der?” Stiles said, his eyes lighting up. “Oh my god, that’s adorable!”

“Shut up,” Derek said, glaring at his sister. “Laura, what are you doing? Aren’t Erica and Boyd on shift tonight?”

“I could tell you were having fun,” Laura said. “So I gave them an extra thirty minutes. You know what they like to get down to in thirty minutes.”

“That’s so gross, please never speak to me again.”

“Hm,” Laura said, looking over at Stiles. She offered a hand, which he took with a bright smile. “You’re cute, kid. But clearly not twenty-one.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I could be!”

“Not dressed like that, you’re not.”

Stiles looked down at himself; his plaid t-shirt and baggy jeans. His face colored red and he shrugged, looking back up. “I’m getting there.”

“Then maybe I’ll second guess kicking you out.”

“That would be very much appreciated,” Stiles said with a grin. “Though Der here tried that line too.”

“Oh,” Laura said, turning back around. “Did he?”

Derek rolled his eyes. Before he could say a word, though, Stiles’s phone was blaring and the kid cursed, fishing it out of his pocket. He looked at the screen, then sighed, flipping it off. 

“I’ve gotta go,” he said, turning to his friend. “Scotty, you still with me?”

Scott looked like he’d spent the entire time staring across the club. Derek followed his gaze to see a brown-haired girl dancing with a red-haired girl, completely oblivious to her admirer. Scott’s face was colored pink when he nodded. “We leaving?”

“Dad gets home in fifteen and if I’m not around to make dinner, you know he’ll order a pizza. Or worse, two.”

Derek was surprised to feel a sudden rush of disappointment at hearing that. He couldn’t believe he actually enjoyed talking to Stiles. The guy was annoying as hell, but amusing too. And Derek didn’t actually hate all of his pickup lines.

Stiles thought his eyebrows were sexy.

Shaking his head, Derek turned around and busied himself in cleaning the opposite counter. He could feel Stiles’s eyes on him and for a second, he thought the guy would say something. But then Scott said something Derek didn’t catch and Stiles started away.

Derek glared at the floor.

“Nice,” Laura said, patting him on the shoulder. “You almost had him there, little bro.”

“Shut up,” Derek said, shrugging her off. “Tell Boyd and Erica it’s my turn for a break, would you? And I’m not going into the break room until it’s been thoroughly sanitized.”

Laura only chuckled and started away. Derek glared at nothing for a second longer, before turning around to clean up the glasses Scott and Stiles had left.

Except, there was a napkin left too. One with the worst handwriting Derek had ever seen, reading; “I like your face, Sourpuss. Text me?”

Underneath was a number. Derek shook his head and huffed, but tucked the napkin into his pocket. No one would ever know if he was smiling slightly at that, or if he searched the club one more time looking for an idiot in plaid.

So maybe Stiles was the stupidest name Derek had ever heard. But the kid was a good flirt.

And he thought Derek’s eyebrows were sexy.

- -

I don’t usually do one-shots as AU’s, but this one started writing itself and I decided to just roll with it. Thanks for the prompt, my friend, I had fun!

(Support your overcaffinated (so much so) student writer? Seriously, I’d adore you guys so much). https://ko-fi.com/rh27writer

[missnight0wl]

Isolation

Summary: Have you wondered what Rowan is up to after their “death”?

I recommend reading “Six minutes” first.

Words: 3215

Winter, 1990

Rowan didn’t remember much about what happened right after she was revived. She wasn’t sure how they got to Rakepick’s house – or what she assumed was Rakepick’s house. She passed out shortly after arrival, and according to Jacob, she was asleep for the whole day.

“It’s good, you need to rest,” he told her. “The thing is that Rakepick and I have to leave now, only for a while. Can you manage on your own?”

Rowan knew that he’s asking rather for formality sake, so she simply nodded. After that, she was instructed where she can find necessary supplies like food and medicine.

“You can use the study if you want,” Madam Rakepick added when they both were ready to go. “Just keep your wand by your side, Miss Khanna”.

Rowan stiffened a bit hearing that remark. “I thought it’s safe here.”

“It is.”

“But it’s always better to be cautious,” Jacob hurried to explain. “You’ll be fine as long as you’re inside. And you won’t be alone for long, hm?”

The empty house appeared overwhelming at first, but Rowan quickly got distracted by pain. It could’ve been from the curse, from the physical impact she experienced in the Forest, or maybe from the times they had practised her timing with the Banishing Charm. Most likely, it was due to all of that combined. Potions and ointment were helpful just enough to let her focus on anything else. She wouldn’t dare to snoop around, she wasn’t even tempted to. But since there were plenty of books available and she had permission to use them, time was passing pretty fast.

It had been three days when she finally heard the front door opening. Madam Rakepick appeared at the doorstep of the living room where Rowan was spending most of her days so far.

“How you’re doing, Miss Khanna?”

“I’m fine,” Rowan replied quickly.

The Curse-Breaker glanced at a small pile of tomes next to the girl, yet she didn’t comment. She got to her business in other parts of the house, leaving Rowan to herself. Then she left for a night. The similar situation repeated a couple of times in the next week. Sometimes, Madam Rakepick would ask her more questions or suggest her reading particular titles out of nowhere. Other times, she said nothing at all and just watched her carefully. No matter what, it always made Rowan a bit uneasy. Until one day, the front door opened once more, yet it was someone else who came in.

“Hi,” said Jacob blithely, popping into the room with Sickleworth on his shoulder. “How you’re feeling?”

Rowan got surprisingly happy to see him again. She could definitely use some change in the company. Besides, she actually grew to like him during that short period they knew each other, even though they had a quite hard start. A lot of things had rocked the girl’s world at that time. For one, she had to process the fact that Madam Rakepick is not evil - or at least that there’s the bigger plan behind her actions – and that she’s not going to actually kill her. Rowan was often worried about that even before the events of the Buried Vault, so overcoming it after everything was a huge deal. And then, she met Jacob – her best friend’s infamous brother, whose second disappearance was maybe as devastating as the first one. Should Rowan be angry with him because of her loyalty to Helena? But then, all of that was supposed to protect her, and not only her… There was also the fact that Jacob was older, more powerful, and appeared to be able to easily kill her as well if he wanted to. It required some kind of respect. Rowan had been conflicted. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she already had a difficult time around new people, even without those additional factors! Now, it seemed rather silly, and she still felt awkward about the moment when she called him “Mr Ellis”.

“Just call me Jacob, please,” he said then, partially amused and embarrassed. The young witch could swear that Rakepick smirked at that too.

Unlike his associate, Jacob didn’t leave shortly after his arrival, and he hung about for the next day. In fact, it turned out that he’s staying for longer. Rowan thought at first that it could be strange to have him around all the time. However, he was doing fine at being busy with his things, and usually, he wasn’t paying much attention to her. Not that she felt ignored. It was simply… natural. Sometimes, she was peeking at him curiously when she entered the study for new books, trying to figure out what he’s working on, but it was hard to tell if he’s noticing her at all. Unless he was smoking at the moment, that is. Then he would stand up almost immediately to open the window.

“Don’t tell Rakepick I smoke in here, okay?” he tended to say with a coy smile.

One day, he came downstairs and sat in the armchair, putting his legs over an arm rail – almost like his sister used to do in the Ravenclaw Common Room.

“What is it?” he asked suddenly, making Rowan realise that she’s staring at him. She shook her head, startled. “You look like you want to ask me about something, so…?”

“No, it’s nothing. It’s just… I’m sometimes noticing how you and Helena are similar.”

“Is that so? O.W.L.s were so hard on her, huh?”

Rowan didn’t understand right away, but then it occurred to her that when he smiled, you could see small wrinkles on his face. That he had bags under his eyes and single grey streaks among his dark hair. He looked tired and ill, even if he was making up for it with his attitude. It must’ve been caused by the Vault. Come to think about it, it was odd that Helena had never really mentioned his physical state. On the other hand, perhaps it’s understandable for a sister to focus more on his behaviour. Everything was always happening so fast, after all.

“Oh no, not like that! That’s not what I--”

“I know, that’s all right.” He smirked and spaced out for a moment. “I’ve got something for you. Wait here.”

He jumped out of his spot and ran back upstairs. When he returned, he was holding a purple notebook, marking some pages with his finger.

“When Helena was ten, I bought her a diary for Christmas,” he started explaining.

“I know, she was writing in it quite a lot.” Rowan recognised it as soon as she saw it. It wasn’t the exact same diary – the one Helena owned was more worn-out, and it had stickers and drawings on the cover, but they could’ve been indistinguishable when they were new.

“Yeah…” Jacob seemed to be pleased to hear that. “Though she probably didn’t know that it’s a two-way notebook. I never had a chance to explain it to her because, y’know…” He paused and cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s the second notebook from the pair. I left it here long ago and nearly forgot about it. I normally wouldn’t read it, but… It turned out she was writing letters to me, so I guess it’s not that bad. Right?” Rowan got the impression that it was an excuse more for himself than her. He sighed. “She stopped writing months ago, but I’ve noticed recently that new entries are appearing.”

He passed to her the open notebook, and she took it uncertainly. On its pages, she saw familiar handwriting, the same she knew so well from the notes exchanged during classes.

My dearest Rowan…

She glanced over the first sentences and put her hand over her mouth to stop a sob. She closed her eyes to calm down. When she looked again, Jacob was watching her with sympathy.

“It’s your choice if you read it,” he said gently. “I didn’t look at your parts, but I imagine it’ll be a rather bittersweet experience, so consider yourself warned.”

“You said it’s a two-way notebook,” she tried to control shaking of her voice. “Does it mean I could use it to contact Helena?”

“Probably. But you know you can’t. I’m sorry, Rowan.”

She shook her head and smiled weakly. “No, don’t be. Thank you for showing me that.”

It seemed like Jacob wasn’t sure if he made the right decision. “Hey, would you help me with something, too?” he asked more cheerfully. “You know Ancient Runes, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You think you could translate something for me?”

“I can try,” Rowan replied, pressing the notebook to her chest.

“Brilliant. I’ll bring you the texts then. Take your time with them.”

She wanted to get to work right away once she got materials, but the purple notebook was still in the corner of her eye. Eventually, she gave in and started reading about what was happening at Hogwarts. She laughed and cried, learning about how her friends were dealing with everything. She was proud of them for being strong, and she wanted more than anything to hug them in the weaker moments. She felt as if Helena was sitting next to her, telling her all of that in-person – except she was so far…

Rowan couldn’t bring herself back to translating that day. Though after the sleepless night, she was glad to have something to focus on. She wondered if Jacob gave her that task right now purposefully.

“How it’s going?” he asked when he came to check her progress.

“Pretty well, actually. I had some difficulties at one point, but it went easier when I overcame it. I think I’m about half-way through.”

“Already?” Jacob flipped through some pages of her work. “I’m impressed. Good job, Rowan.” He smiled at her, but then he frowned unexpectedly. “Can I see your glasses?”

She blinked, surprised. “Um, sure.”

He carefully took them from her and examined them against the light. “They’re not mended properly. That’s why you squint,” he declared. “Did you do it yourself?”

Rowan felt that she’s blushing. “Yeah, I did…”

“It’s not your fault, glasses are tricky. They’re not as complex as tissue, but still,” he reassured her. He took his wand out to cast the spell. “Here, it should be better now.”

Rowan put her glasses back, indeed noticing a difference in her vision. “Thanks.”

“Why you didn’t say anything earlier?”

She shrugged, ignoring the warmth of her cheeks. Truth be told, she didn’t know why. She didn’t want to bother anyone, and she assumed any discomfort she’s experiencing might be related to her other injuries.

“I think I’m gonna cook something,” stated Jacob casually, changing the subject. “Are you hungry?”

He left the room and apparently encountered Madam Rakepick, who happened to be at the house.

“You could’ve at least checked her glasses,” Rowan heard him saying. He didn’t talk loudly, and the girl didn’t intend to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t help it.

“What’s wrong with her glasses?” Rakepick replied with a question.

“They had a flaw from mending. You should take care of things like that.”

“How was I supposed to know? She didn’t complain to me.”

“Maybe because she’s afraid of you.”

“Why would she be afraid of me?”

Jacob made a weird sound which could’ve been a cough or an attempt at hiding a snigger. Rowan didn’t catch the Curse-Breaker’s response, but she made a note to herself to never reveal how sensitive her hearing is. Still, that short exchange made her think again. Because a lot of things in her life recently were confusing, yet the relationship between those two had to be at the top of the list.

Madam Rakepick continued to come back every now and then for short periods. She was spending her time mostly with Jacob alone, but sporadically, Rowan had an opportunity to be around them, too. To her surprise, they usually were getting along really well. Whether it was the case of them used to working together or just knowing more than they were telling, they quickly understood each other, and it seemed they’re making a good team. Rowan even caught them joking around a couple of times. Everything was fine - until they started fighting. Even though they never did it in front of her, she always knew about it because of yelling, which was the most unsettling part, although she rarely could distinguish the exact words.

As far as Rowan remembered, she had never heard Madam Rakepick shouting. Even when she raised her voice occasionally, she was still steady and cold. It definitely fitted her ominous aura. Supposedly, her behaviour was different in the Buried Vault, but Rowan didn’t witness that, and she never wanted to even imagine the whole situation. As for Jacob, though… Well, if Rowan didn’t know that he’s the only other person inside, she’d doubt he could yell at all. His appearance could intimidate at first, sure, but the longer she knew him, the more certain she was that he’s one of the gentlest people she had met. She kept in mind that his approach towards her might be related to Helena. However, she could also easily see him using that natural appeal to endear both teachers and classmates during his school period. Ironically, that’s probably the most effective type of troublemaker. Overall, getting into such heated quarrels seemed unusual for both of them, so the girl never knew if their subjects were this serious or it’s the matter of two characters clashing.

After one of those argues, Jacob stormed into the kitchen where Rowan was sitting at the table. He lent over the counter, hanging his head down in frustration until the door slam.

“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered. Rowan looked at him questioningly. “Me and Rakepick, that is,” he clarified, straightening up. “I imagine it’s not very comforting when the only two people you’re supposed to depend on are at each other’s throats.”

She didn’t know what to answer, so she kept quiet. Jacob in the meantime took out his pack of cigarettes and lit up. He took a puff and chuckled softly.

“Patricia can be difficult to work with,” he continued talking. “She’d probably say the same about me. But it’s nothing that should concern you. In fact, things go pretty well.” He seemed genuine, as always.

They sat in silence for a while before Rowan tried to take up the conversation. “It had to be hard for you to trust her…”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, after she left you in the Vault and all.” She felt nervous talking about it, but it was bothering her for so long. “Or did you know that she had no choice or something?”

He didn’t reply right away and bit his lips. “Yeah, something like that…”

He suddenly appeared more absent but not upset with her, so she decided to push further. “Jacob? Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“Last year, when there was the Portrait Curse at Hogwarts, our friend’s sister got trapped. She was getting weaker with each day, losing the sense of reality. How it’s possible…” She forced herself to raise her head and look at him, hoping to see his reaction. “How did you even survive for so long?”

There was no reaction, he only stared at the floor. That’s what Rowan was afraid of. She kept noticing little things that weren’t adding up. Like from time to time, Jacob would mention not seeing his sister in years. She also couldn’t believe that Jacob would reproach anyone for anything, even if it was about hesitating before setting him free – and that’s what he was doing according to Helena’s stories.

“You weren’t trapped at all, were you?” she asked quietly.

Their eyes finally met. “No, I wasn’t.”

Rowan instinctively reached to her wand, which she always carried with her, just like Madam Rakepick told her to. Yet Jacob remained calm, resting against the counter and smoking casually.

“But you are Helena’s brother? And she has only one brother?”

“Yeah.”

Her heart started beating faster. “Then who did she save from the portrait?”

“Let’s not talk about it.” He took a deep breath. “Look, Rowan, I’m sorry, I really am. I just can’t tell you everything, at least not now. Helena is safe, and I’ll do anything to keep it that way as long as I’m alive.” He put out the cigarette and sat in front of her. “I want to protect you, too, but it means keeping information from you. I know it’s hard, and frustrating, and scary. But it has to be that way. Do you understand?”

Rowan truly wanted to believe him. But at the same time, it hit her how little she knew about what she had gotten into. What if she was on the wrong side? What if she got manipulated? But it couldn’t be… She spent the whole night thinking about different possibilities. She ended up browsing the purple notebook once again. Could it be fake, forged to influence her emotionally? No… The new entries were still appearing and some of them were too detailed to not be written by Helena. No, neither Jacob nor Madam Rakepick was lying to her. But even when holding to that faith, it was terrifying to realise that there is a lot of unknown danger out there. Rowan believed that her decision would keep her friends safe. However, how much truth was in that? And if she somehow could warn them to be careful, how would she warn about something she didn’t understand? She closed the notebook, resisting the urge to write something in it.

The next morning when she went down to the kitchen, she found there both Jacob and Madam Rakepick drinking coffee. It actually was the first time she saw them in a situation like that, and it was almost bizarre. If she had any company in the morning, it was Jacob alone. For a moment, she was taken aback, not sure if she can interrupt them. Nevertheless, she wanted to talk to them anyway, so she got the courage up to speak up.

“I want to help,” she announced. “I don’t have to know everything, but I can still do something. I did translations for Jacob, I can do more. I can do analysis, I can organise things--”

“I hope you paid attention to the books I recommended you, Miss Khanna,” Rakepick cut in.

Rowan hesitated, confused by the sudden remark. “Yes, of course.”

“Good. It’ll be helpful in your research.”

“I’ll be doing research?”

“Yes, you just said that you want to help.”

The girl immediately got excited and lightened up. “On the Cursed Vaults? Or on R? Or–”

“How about you start with breakfast?” the redhead interrupted her again, raising her eyebrow. She took a sip of her beverage, temporarily closing the case. Jacob only grinned at them while placing an additional plate.

Rowan took her seat at the table, even though she wasn’t hungry at all. If everyone fights, she’s going to fight, too, in the best way she can. And should the worst happen – whatever it would be – she’s going to be prepared.

[fallinfor-youreyes]

You Have Not Touched Me (Yet)

Malcolm’s going to get a restraining order against her hands. Ao3

He’s staring.

Has been for the last twenty minutes at least, long enough for her to almost finish her crossword puzzle. Long enough, that if it were anyone other than Malcolm Bright, it would have passed the super weird mark about 17 minutes ago.

But, he is Malcolm Bright, so instead she is just ignoring him. Because she doesn’t want to startle him. He’s been staring at her for about 20 minutes, and his hands haven’t trembled in about 16, and if this is what it takes for him to relax for a few moments, she can deal with the odd feeling of being seen while she gets in her own few moments of her own relaxation.

If Gil asks, she’s been writing her after action report. Definitely not doing a crossword puzzle. But Gil doesn’t ask, because she always gets her reports in, and always before JT, so she’s not worried. Crosswords clear her mind.

Maybe zoning out while staring at people is what clears Malcolm’s.

“Do you have bad circulation?”

Her pen slides right off the page, effectively ruining her almost prefect crossword.

“What?” Dani lifts her eyes to him, and his head is tilted, ice clear eyes already waiting for her.

“Your hands.” He holds out his own and beckons her, and for whatever reason she complies. She drops her hand into his, and he flinches, just slightly. “Your hands are freezing.”

His hands are warm. Like insanely warm. Probably a side affect of his constant moving.

He stares at their hands a moment before his eyes flicker back to hers. “You should talk to your doctor.” His hands cup hers and they are warm, warm, warm.

“Some people have cold hands, Bright.”

“Some people have bad circulation.”

He’s still holding her hand, and suddenly more than his hands are warm. Her cheeks are warm. She feels like the entire room has warmed up serval degrees.

She’s not a fan.

Something crashes in the common area, and she jumps back, pulling her fingers from his grip.

Malcolm blinks. Then he shakes his head and stands, stretching as he does, instantly becoming more of the Malcolm Bright she knows, almost vibrating with chaotic energy. “Think Gil will let us outside now, or will we be punished because you haven’t finished your report yet?” He says, tossing in a teasing smile that makes her want to punch him.

“You are allowed to leave whenever you want, you know. Perks of being a consultant.” Dani says, stuffing her crossword under her notebook so she can officially get to work.

“I do not miss the paperwork of being a special agent” Malcolm agrees.

Dani glares at him and turns to the half done report. “Lucky you.”

Someone knocks on the glass of the conference room, and they both turn, Gil shaking a new folder at them.

Dani sighs. New case. More paperwork.

Malcolm looks almost giddy. Dani grabs her things, and smiles at Malcolm as he holds the door for her.

Then she brushes her fingers across the back of his neck and he yelps, and she runs off before he can retaliate.

“Why are your hands so cold!”

xXx

There’s a box on her desk. A box with a bow. She vaguely recognizes that is only a week until the holidays, and that she is woefully behind on present shopping.

But it doesn’t explain the box. The precinct had given up on white elephants after a disastrous year that lead to nothing but chaos, and her and JT had decided to be the type of people who exchanged old bottles of alcohol, so the box with the very pretty bow is a mystery.

“Ohh!” Edrisa rushes up to her desk, drowning in a scarf that is almost as big as her. “Is that your gift from Bright?”

“Uh,” Dani picks up the box and finds the label, Malcolm’s terrible handwriting a clear give away.

Dani-

For your hands ;)

-Bright

“Yes. I think it is.”

Edrisa wraps her scarf closer around herself. “He got me this scarf.”

Dani smiles, Edrisa’s contagious mood spilling around her. She carefully opens the box, and a pair of gloves fall out.

Real, genuine leather gloves. The kind the fancy rich kids used to wear when she was in college and they wanted to look rich and fancy.

“Ohh.” Edrisa moves closer to get a better look. “Those are lovely.”

Dani slips one on and it’s a perfect fit. Thy are soft and warm, and she can’t help but smile.

Malcolm Bright was worried that her hands were cold.

It does a stupid thing to her heart, but she ignores that.

“I think he went for a winter protection theme in his gifts.” Edrisa says, holding out her scarf. “Feel how soft. He got JT a wool hat. And I’m almost positive Gil’s surprisingly festive turtle neck is also courtesy of Bright.”

The scarf is fantastically soft, and exactly the kind of thing Edrisa would choose for herself. He’s good at this. Finding gifts for people that are functional and meaningful, and she almost hates him for it.

“Huh,” Dani says, letting holding out the other glove for Edrisa to try on. “This glove is surprisingly soft as well.”

“Maybe he just really likes soft winter gear.”

“What’s the point if it’s not soft.” Malcolm says, appearing over Erdisa’s shoulder out of nowhere, wearing a ridiculously festive hat.

“I see you got your gifts?” he asks. He’s smiling, but Dani can see the tiniest bit of uncertainty in his eyes. He’s nervous. It makes the stupid feeling in her heart multiply.

Edrisa nods hard enough Dani’s afraid she’s going to hurt herself. “Yes. Thank you so much! I love it.” She holds it the edge of it out to him. “It’s so soft.”

The uncertainty in his eyes flashes away as he prattles to Edrisa about the importance of soft scarfs and some science thing but it’s back the second he turns to Dani.

She stretches her hand that’s still gloved, and feels her lips quirk up without her consent. “They’re very warm.”

Malcolm’s smile matches hers. “I’m very committed to making sure everyone stays warm.”

Before she can answer, JT claps Malcolm on the back, wearing his own hat, much more subdued than Malcolm’s.

“Bright, what’s your favorite alcohol.”

The conversation derails until Gil has to heard them into a semblance of productive, and Dani let’s herself get lost in her thoughts once everything settles down.

Malcolm Bright bought her gloves for Christmas, because he knows her hands a perpetually cold. It’s stupidly cute.

She slips the gloves on at the end of the day, and from the corner of her eyes she can see him smile to himself. And this time, when her heart squeezes just a little too tight, she doesn’t ignore it.

xXx

It’s odd, Dani notices, how one second, he can be panicking, and the next, be so exhausted he looks almost peaceful.

His apartment is quiet, except for Sunshine shuffling in the corner and the sound of his breath slowly working its way back to normal. His eyes are closed and the worry has seeped out of his face, and for a second, Dani can forgot that not 10 minutes ago he was in the middle of panic attack.

She’s seen the tremors and been present for some of his outbursts, but she’s never seen him like this.

But he’s calmer now, his breathing back to normal, his hands still in his lap, eyes closed as she watches him from her side of the couch. She was here by accident, dropping off a case file he had forgotten, and things had been okay until he got a phone call. Well, more like 7 phone calls, that he all promptly ignored until said caller started texting, and then it happened. She never had training on how to help someone through a panic attack, but they were here now, on the other side, both still in one piece.

She reaches out and gently presses her fingers against his forehead, one of those moves she inherited from her mom who would do this to her and her siblings no matter what was ailing them as kids.

Malcolm hisses softly, hand snapping up to grab her wrist, not bothering to open his eyes. “I am going to get a restraining order on your hands.”

“Oh, really?”

Malcolm opens a single eye in an attempt to glare at her.

His thumb runs over her pulse point.

Her cheeks may or may not flush.

“Yes. They cannot come within ten inches of me unless thoroughly warmed.”

Dani shifts so she’s slightly closer to him. She doesn’t move her hand. He doesn’t let go of her wrist.

“How do you propose I warm them, Bright. Pretty sure you're the one who decided I have a medical condition.”

He gives her a tight smile, one that if he wasn’t coming down of a panic attack might have been less strained. “I’m glad you asked.” He turns her hand in his and stares at their interlocked fingers instead of her face when he talks.

“You can sit on them. Stuff them in your pockets. Hold a nice cup of very hot tea or coffee for a bit.” Her keeps talking to their hands, but his arm is moving now, twisting her palm so it’s face up. “Blow on them. Or my personal favorite, rub them together.” He says, and then he does just that. He rubs his hands gently over hers for a few second before bringing her hand back up to his cheek.

“Ahh,” Malcolm closes his eyes, and lets go of her hand. “Much better.”

Dani wants to kiss him. It’s impulsive and spells for a disaster, and is definitely not in the “how to care for your friend after a panic attack” manual, but she really, really wants to kiss Malcolm Bright.

She let’s her fingers trail down his cheek, over the day old stubble he has growing and he leans into her touch.

He’s tired. Exhausted. She can see the dark circles under his eyes, and she’s positive if they stay still for long enough, he will fall asleep on her.

“Bright,” Dani says, pulling her hand away from his face. His eyes pop open and he follows her hand as she brings it back other lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He blinks, and suddenly he’s a different person. No longer the Malcolm she’s only seen glimpses of, but Bright, the man who shows up to crime scenes with a mask on his face, over compensating in personality for something she hasn’t quite pinned down yet.

“Yeah! I’m great!.” He forces a smile, and when she doesn’t smile back, he cracks. The mask slips off again. He drops his head to the back of the couch. “My sister has been seeing my dad.”

She doesn’t want to push him, so she just sits, listening.

“And he’s, well you know, a serial killer, but he’s so charming and all consuming. I still find myself wondering if I made him proud, which is ridiculous. And Ains, jesus, I though Ainsley was safe from it.” He pauses, dragging his hands down his face. “But that was my mom, calling me. Apparently she hasn’t shown up to work for a few days. Said she needed some time off, but she’s been to see him every single day, and it’s been twenty years, and he’s somehow gotten all of us back to him within a few months of each other. He’s behind bars and locks, and is literally chained to the wall, but he still has us in his grasp, seeking his approval.”

Dani notices his hands are starting to shake.

“I didn’t even know Ains was seeing him. I’ve failed her-“

Dani grabs his hand, and he startles. “Breathe.” She tells him, squeezing his hand until he listens to her. “You’re going to be okay. And I’m sure your sister will too.”

He’s staring at their hands again, and she doesn’t let go until he sighs, slumping back against the couch.

“Thanks, For you know, staying and dealing with all this.” He waves his hand around, and Sunshines chirps at them from her post.

“Anytime. If you need someone to talk to, or to shock you into reality with freezing hands.” She smiles at him, before pushing herself off the couch. She knows a dismissal when she hears it. “You have my number. Do you need help with the night terror locks?”

Malcolm smiles, a real, true smile, One that betrays his exhaustion, edging slightly on delirious.

“No. I think I got those myself. Thank you, though.”

“Don’t mention it.” She grabs her coat and says goodbye to Sunshine, pulling on her gloves before she turns to say goodbye to him.

“Powell,” Malcolm says, pushing himself off the couch as he moves toward his bed. “I mean it about your hands.”

Dani rolls her eyes at him. “Goodnight, Bright.”

xXx

She’s not sure how they got here.

Well, she is. Sort of. Vaguely.

They were on the train. It’s so late, it’s early, but they closed a huge case, and Gil broke out the very good, very special whiskey, and then they were taking the same train home.

And Malcolm decided to stand even though there was only like 5 other people in the car, so she stands with him for solidarity or companionship or whatever. And she’s been a New Yorker since the day she was born, riding subways before she even took her first steps, but even she is not immune to the sudden jerks of the train.

Which leads to her crashing into Malcolm, and Malcolm oh so valiantly grabbing her waist to steady her, which leads to her oh so causally not stepping away from him.

Which somehow, eventually led to this. His lips on hers as she falls against the door of her apartment.

Dani is not sure how they got here, but she does not want it to end.

His lips are soft and warm, and her heart is doing literal jumping jacks, and she doesn’t want this moment to end, ever.

But she also doesn’t know how to let it continue. This is still Malcolm, who might be kissing her, but his one hand is still decidedly on her waist, the other pushing into the wood of her door. His hands haven’t moved. And she desperately wants to let her hands travel to the front of his jacket and start undoing the buttons, to relieve him of at least one of his million layers, but this is Malcolm and she doesn’t want to push him too hard. She doesn’t want to cross his boundary line and push them back into a place that doesn’t lead to this.

To him kissing her and her trying to stop herself from smiling so she doesn’t accidentally bite his lip.

He pulls back, breathing hard, and it takes all her willpower to not grab his face and pull his mouth back to hers.

He would probably complain that her hands are too cold.

“Hi,” he says, once he’s caught his breath. He’s got the look in his eyes like they just got a case, but he’s looking at her like she’s a puzzle he desperately wants to solve.

“Hi,” she says back, but it’s more of a sigh than an actual word.

“This okay?”

They’ve know each other for over a year know, and she considers them friends, but this is the most uncertain she’s ever heard him sound. And they’ve been through a whole lot of shit together.

Dani nods. “Totally.” She drags her teeth over her bottom lip, and Malcolm swallows hard. “You okay?”

Malcolm blinks, and his cheeks flush pink

She wants to kiss him again. She wants him to move his hands.

“Totally.”

Slowly, she reaches up, dropping one of her hands on his shoulder, the other coming to rest just below the collar of his shirt.

“Restraining order,” he teases, voice hoarse. Before she can roll her eyes and kiss him again, he grabs her hands and brings her fingers up to him mouth, gently blowing over them.

It’s intimate in a way that makes her knees weak. He’s going to be the death of her.

“Malcolm.”

He hums, pressing a kiss to her fingers. She uses her free hand to open the first button of his vest and his ice clear eyes snap up to hers.

“Dani.”

She pops the second button, and his lip quirks up. She wants to kiss the corner of this mouth. So she does.

She slides her hand to the back of his neck, and he hisses when hers finger brush against his skin, but then he’s kissing her again.

And Dani doesn’t know where this is going, or really how they got here, but for right now, in this moment, she’s good.

They can figure everything else out later.

She snaps the final button of his vest.

His catches her lip on his teeth.

Yeah, she decides. They can figure it out later.

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 1 of dunno how many)

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to)

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post.

So, i thought getting diagnosed would maybe help me... A couple of weeks ago, i realized that my heart has been beating a bit faster than what i remembered it used to and my blood pressure would get low. Of course like every other pain or issue ever, i tried to first ignore it and act it out (trying to look fine) but you see, with low BP i really couldn’t act okay. My brain would go numb, i would feel like my brain was pushing me (the consciousness or me in my brain) towards the top of my forehead forcing me into my skull from inside; everything else felt numb. I couldn’t really speak or even think, all words were slurred if i tried my hardest. My body moved very slowly, i couldn’t even raise a finger in the normal speed (even in front of my parents, in front of who i never ever show if i am in pain or ill. but until then i had hid it pretty well by going to my room or just not letting them see me that much). By this time i didn’t know what was happening and episodes like this continued for 3 or 4 days, until one day i remembered that i should check my blood pressure as my heart feels like drowning (it was around 90 and 65 and pulse more than 110). Now, as someone whose blood pressure has always been around 110/70, i got a bit scared; i didn’t know if it was okay to have it this low or not and i wasn’t feeling okay at all. Anyway, it dropped a bit more and my mother noticed me (until then i was completely wiped out, had no strength to even be present in my body let alone act okay. i continuously felt like if i closed my eyes i’d slip away and never come back.

My mother told me to get up and have some ORS (some sort of salts and electrolytes thingy used in dehydration etc) and eat bananas. after some time my heart felt a bit fine and my BP rose up to 105 and something. But i felt exhausted, as if i had fought a war with my bare hands. I couldn’t even ask them to take me to a doctor and after this episode was over she suggested it very ummm... very angrily... so i stayed quiet. Later my sister (married) texted me and said that Mom will get an appointment for her general physician tomorrow for you. She obviously had talked to my mother on the phone and knew all about it (or at least as much as my mother decided to tell her). The next day she took the appointment which was for almost 2 weeks later (only time available). throughout the days leading up to that she told me that i’d feel fine and we’d not even need to go to the doc.

finally, the day arrived. My mother had been telling me to write things to show the doc, my symptoms and stuff, but i couldn’t write anything. I wrote this on a paper 9in a slow child-like handwriting:

1. Pain everywhere

    Tired

    Breathe (referring to difficulty in breathing but i couldn’t write the whole sentence)

the day i went to the doctor i added “ fog/ Quick sand” to the list wanting to say that i feel like i am in a fog/ quick sand as everything including my body and my brain function becomes very slow and delayed.

I didn’t take that paper to the doctor (well, that exquisitely written note wasn’t very helpful). I had decided beforehand that i’d somehow send my mother out and talk to the doctor in private as my emotionally abusive and controlling mother makes me unable to function like a normal human being. It took me days to prepare myself to say that. I also took all my history with me from the beginning of the year. Below is the brief history:

[ I had a very bad chest infection right after chicken pox (at the start of this year, yes great start to a great year 2020), I had to get a chest x-ray in which Scoliosis (bending of spine) showed up. According to the doctors and my family, as it was an incidental finding, it was asymptomatic and therefore needed no treatment or even a brace. No one cared to pay attention to what i said or how i felt as the fucking patient who actually dealt with a lot of back and shoulder and literally almost every kind of bone pain, and for whom the discovery of scoliosis was an answer to a lot.] Anyway, back to the regular rant.

so we went to the doctor. As i sat outside waiting for my turn, i practised again and again about how to ask to be diagnosed in private and not making my mother mad. first, my mother’s turn arrived and she told me to go in with her and remember what doctor tells her for her diabetes and acidity issues. After she was done... (i am getting a bit hazy here) i think the doctor brought up my scoliosis (i went to him in the beginning of the year and he referred me to an osteopath or someone) he talked about how he discussed my case with his colleague and he advised me to go to another hospital in another city for they have a specific department for things like scoliosis. After he said it all and looked at me expectantly to start telling him why i was there, i told my, mother if she can leave, she laughed embarrassed and acted like ha ha sweety i won’t disturb you go on ahead. but i repeated it a couple more times ( i think my tone was pretty dry, but i am not sure as i couldn’t really regulate anything at that time).

She left. then the doctor asked me about my health and i started to explain, except i couldn’t find the right words and forgot everything and just burst into tears. he patiently offered me tissues and waited for my answer. I explained somewhat. i don’t really remember the symptoms i explained, just that i felt fake and weird as if it all wasn’t really happening or i was faking everything and don’t know why the hell i kept bawling my eyes out, i was fine!! stop crying and making a scene. I was also inwardly thankful that my mother wasn’t in the room as i have had a similar experience of crying in front of a doctor and she taunted me about it for months calling me fake and attention seeking and a liar. Anyway, here is a list of what i told the doctor (from what i can remember):

- i feel like i am always holding myself up tightly, if i let go i’d fall. My muscles all feel seized up

-I have difficulty in breathing, i can’t breathe deeply for years. and before it was connected to emotional issues but now its almost all day everyday.

-As because of scoliosis my ribcage is a bit twisted so if i bent over my left ribs dig into my stomach area and it is quite painful if my stomach is full, if i have gained weight or if i have gas.

-my ankles feel swollen on the inside and walking is painful, my heels hurt and the top of my foot and the pain goes all the way up to my pelvic bone and back. My back hurts all the fucking time.

-My knees hurt so much that i have not been able to put my weight on my left knee for more than a week now (it has been hurting in the past as well) and now my body had developed a weird habit of walking up the stairs without putting pressure on left knee at all, which has in turn made my right knee tired and painful.

- I can’t really feel hungry. like if i don’t eat for a long time i’d feel that painful hunger in my stomach but i have no desire to eat and i keep forgetting about it. even when i try to eat i look at food and recoil in a little, i can’t eat it usually or at least like i use to ( I loved food more than almost anything ever, with only some foods that i couldn’t eat). and even after i eat (usually only when i eat something with wheat in it) my stomach swells up a round and painful (which is even more painful when the ribs dig into it.

-My jaw feels stiff and my teeth and gums hurt as if i have been clenching my jaw (which i do catch myself doing quite often)

-oh! i actually started out with saying that i can’t really hold up my neck some of the time (like a baby), and it keep falling around if i relax, it was happening right then too. then i cried. i also mentioned something about my bones painfully feeling like they’ll fuse into each other (if i lie on my side sometimes i feel like both sides of my ribcage will collapse into each other

This was all i could remember then and i think there might be more that i told him but i don’t remember it rn

The doctor asked me things in return. he asked me about my sleep which i told him i can’t sleep. I have been a person who’d sleep 7- 8 hours a night and then also take a nap in the day. I love to sleep, i could always sleep, no matter what happened. If i had cramps, migraine, back pain, emotional abuse, my favorite character died, tired, bored anything; I’d sleep it off. But now, no matter when o lie down, firstly, i am in too much pain to be comfortable in any position, it takes hours to fall asleep and no more fun daydreaming before sleep too. and then i wake up even more exhausted somehow.

He checked my BP and breathing ( i couldn’t breathe properly maybe because of crying) and stomach softness. My BP was 135/95 which i contributed to the car ride (i have car anxiety... dunno what it is but i get super anxious and panicky in a car especially with my family) but he said it could be because you just cried so much.

so, then he said that you are too stressed and your neurons are constantly firing cuz pain both emotional and physical. (he was talking for quite some time but i don’t remember what he said) he said most of it seems to be mental but upon my request he did give a few tests (one in particular expensive one for some muscle disease or something) then he referred me to a psychiatrist. he also asked me to write down my symptoms as the more i tell the doctor the better they can diagnose. then i got out and told my mother the diagnosis and referral. she went in to the office herself and talked to him for some time.

So, we had the tests done (with my father making it a point to say loudly how expensive was one of them in particular) and got an appointment for the psychiatrist. Also said that i have some stomach acidity and gave medicine for that

this seems like a huge post so i am thinking about making another one for that session and the later drama, hopefully before i forget

part two can be found here

[subbyboymax]

I want to ask you all of them 🙈🙈

So why won’t you ask all of them? Huh anon?

Jk I love you whoever you are. As requested:

1. Zodiac sign 

Taurus. I don’t really pay much attention to zodiac stuff but I’ve heard from friends that I fit the stereotypes somewhat.

2. Sexual orientation 

This is hard because I’m kinda questioning atm, but I would say I like women and identify as NB using male pronouns which I personally feel is accurate to me, but I still am unsure myself what that actually means. I am still figuring myself out.

3. Relationship status 

Single and honestly looking. I’ve had one girlfriend in high school and I’ve had romantic interests since but I have such low self confidence that I end up being too nervous to really pursue a relationship.

4. Someone you miss 

My friend Rebekah. I miss her a lot. She’s like a sister to me.

5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be in 

Hmmmmmmmmm... anyone really...

6. What you find attractive in Men/Women? 

Typically I find personality attractive and looks don’t really matter, but usually someone’s smile and eyes draw my attention the most.

7. How tall are you? 

5’7 or ~170cm but I wish I was more smol.

8. What you love about yourself? 

Already answered

9. What you’re doing tomorrow? 

I’m probably going to exercise and play games with my gaming clan.

10. What are your future plans? 

My goal is to become an electrician, but I also want to go to various Asian countries and try to improve my Asian cooking by studying the food culture all over east asia.

11. Your last night out in detail?

Oh god I don’t even remember the last time I was out at night... I guess it was last year when I had my heart broken and I went to a really nice bar and spent $200 on alcohol and was GONE. Never again. Ended up being hung over for the first time in my life.

12. Your favorite book? 

Hmm... favorite book(s) would have to be the Ranger’s Apprentice series of books. Good story, good characters.

13. All of pets you’ve ever had?

I’ve had so many pets I could make a whole post about them and may do that later.

14. Something that changed your life? 

Unfortunately too many things have happened to change my life more than I would like. I still can’t really answer this question fully.

15. Do you remember your last dream?

I was basically playing a game that turned out to be an isekai and I basically had a SMG and had to fight off a dragon. Shit was weird but very vivid. It’s weird because I don’t particularly like guns or dangerous stuff in general. 

16. What your last text message says? 

“Keep me posted! We should meet up and have a toast to it!” was sent to my friend Renè, who has been my best friend since birth pretty much. Our parents were close while they were pregnant with us and we are practically brothers. He’s getting a house near where I live and we will live in the same state for the first time since we were 8 years old. Obviously we will social distance but we still had to celebrate and see each other to mark the occasion.

17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? 

Absolutely not. Please vote biden if you live in the US. Even if you hate the idea of voting for biden, he’s better than trump. If hillary had won, she would have been putting her third justice on the supreme court. Biden is the only chance for our freedom and for the freedom of many people. I am terrified of 4 more years of trump.

18. Where you would like to live? 

South Florida, where I was born.

19. Your  favorite flavor of ice cream?

Depends on my mood, but typically strawberry.

20. Last thing you ate?

Pizza that was left over from last night. 

21. Which swear word do you use the most? 

Fuck. Like I use it so much it’s stupid.

22. Your plans for summer?

Heh... plans...

23. Any upcoming concerts?

Bruh if only. Like I work as an usher and as a stagehand, so if any concerts were happening at all I would JUMP for joy. And I am CHONK so jumping is not exactly the most comfortable thing to do. 

24. Something that you’re proud of?

That I am finally committing to getting therapy for my long list of traumas. 

25. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I wish I could, but she’s not part of my life anymore, sadly. She was a good friend. 

26. What language do you want to learn? 

Japanese, because I really have a strong interest in their history and culture and want to go sightseeing there someday.

27. Where have you lived before?

Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and St. Louis, Missouri.  

28. Eye color?

I think it’s green or something but it changes depending on the light because it’s sometimes more silvery idk.

29. Favorite style of clothing?

Traditional Japanese formal wear. It’s always been an interest of mine. 

30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

All of one minute to throw on an outfit and get socks on. I wish I had an eye for fashion but hopefully if I ever have a partner, they will help me with my style choices a bit lol. 

31. Where did you go today?

Nowhere, because pandemic lmao. 

32. Where are you right now?

In my room wishing I could have cuddles. 

33. How many countries have you visited?

None because money is not exactly a thing we have an abundance of.

34. Something old?

What does this mean? I guess I have my great grandfather’s old stamp collection. 

35. Something new?

Hell if I know, I’ve had nothing new in months.

36. Something inherited?

My laptop.

37. Is death more scary than life? 

Hell no. Death is easy. Life is scary and overwhelming but it’s worth living the life you have. You only lose out on life by dying before your time. You gain nothing in death, despite it being less scary and uncertain than living is. Keep living to experience everything you can and have no regrets once you do pass on.

38. Experience you’ll never forget?

The time my high school crush complimented my hair in physics class. I get very few compliments and I never feel that attractive so I hardly focus on my appearance but I had brushed my hair that day and the fact she commented on it made me smile very wide.

39. What’s your favorite part about today so far?

Honestly today has sucked and I have been dealing with depression but I am trying to stay positive. Hopefully the answer to this question changes later today! 

40. Who is your hero?

My Great-Grandmother. She was part of my life until I was 17 and she taught me that kindness and compassion is the most important trait for a human to have. She was the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life. 

41. Are you happy with where you live?

I love this house, but it’s definitely not perfect and I would love to have my own place someday. 

42. Do you like your handwriting? 

Ew no it looks like alien language. It’s so bad. I can barely read my own writing.

43. What do you wear to bed?

Typically just underwear, or in the winter I will wear a T-shirt and fleecy pants.

44. Tea or coffee?

Tea

45. Chocolate or Vanilla? 

Chocolate hands down. It’s such a varied flavor imo. 

46. Are you excited for anything?

Being okay someday. 

47. How late did you stay up last night and why? 

Midnight because sleep is hard.

48. What’s your ringtone?

I’m boring and keep my phone on vibrate so no ringtone.

49. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes, I said it earlier. 

50. What keeps you going each day?

Honestly no fucking idea lmao.

51. Picture of yourself?

You’ll have to DM me for that one, friendo. Anons get no face pics!

Also for the other people who sent in asks, I saw them, but I figured I could just use this ask to consolidate and not spam posts. Thank all of you for sending in asks, you are the best <3

[who-is-olivia]

Track 10. From the Dining Table

Harry Styles x OC

Harry struggles with loneliness after Olivia refuses to answer his calls. [2.4k]

Genre: angst

Warnings: substance abuse, sexual language

 December 2016

  He calls her one more time. It beeps, beeps, beeps and it ends up on mail. It must be the tenth message he sends but he does so anyway.

“Hey love, it’s me again. We haven’t spoke since you went away and I hate this silence, if you don’t want to talk to me can I at least know why?” he begs to the cold phone, hunching over his knees with a hand holding back his hair. “I know I was an asshole, I’m so so sorry, but I want to talk. Can you please call me? Even if it’s just to shout at me and call me names? I love you”

  He wipes the corners of his eyes, not in shame, just to avoid his mates asking what’s going on. Harry leaves the waiting room and walks in the studio where Ryan and Mitch are tweaking his recording of Two Ghosts. The album is almost done, they only miss a couple more songs to close the set. As he sits beside Mitch, he notices his friend’s worried gaze as if he could hear his failed attempts through the acoustic protection.

“Nothing?” he asks.

“Just silence” Harry sighs and Mitch pats his leg in comfort.

“Why don’t you go to New York?”

“I don’t know if she’s there, she could be with her grandma in New Orleans or Rio, she could be in London, I wouldn’t know”

“She’s not answering my texts either” Mitch replies. It’s as if, overnight, Olivia vanished from the face of the Earth. “Not even Frank”

  He leaves the studio late and walks back to his hotel. A few fans stop him on the way, he’s not on the mood to be his usual cheerful self but he still obliges when they ask for pictures. One of them has a t-shirt with her album cover, when he looks up he’s almost speechless.

“You okay?” she asks, a mix of elation and awkwardness.

“Yeah, you just... remind me of someone”

“Olivia, right? I get that a lot” she laughs, “There was a time I copied her braids, people stopped me in the streets for pictures”

This time, he chuckles as well. Oli loves taking pictures, it appeals so much to her vanity it’s exhausting. She’s not a very sympathetic person when it comes to interacting with strangers, but she always made her fans an exception. “That’s crazy”

“Can you send her a picture of me? I’m a huge fan”

At her request his weak smile falters. He’d love to send her a picture but she won’t notice it, she won’t reply, she won’t care. “Of course”

He politely takes a picture with her and pretends to send it to Oli. “Thank you so much”

“Do you live nearby?”

“No, I’m staying at the Hilton, I’m actually from Mexico”

“So am I! I mean, staying at the Hilton, I’m quite British” she laughs at his clumsy excuse, “Do you want me to walk you back, maybe get a few drinks?”

“Sure!”

  He tried to forget her, he tried to drown away his sorrow and sleep with someone else to fix the problem but he failed pitifully. His drunken haziness only caused him to sob over someone, and looking at her likeness made it even worse. He wasn’t struggling for the lack of sex, that’d be easy to fix, he misses her entirely, body and soul. He misses her company, her weird insights, her particular taste for rom-coms and the strange foods she smuggles from her hometown. He misses her touch, the texture of her collarbones and the way her hair smells in the morning, he misses the stargazing and the way her eyes shine like a dark sky with a single star...

  When he wakes up the morning after, her twin fan is sleeping on his bed while he gets up from the couch. She’s dressed from head to toe, only her shoes are stored nicely in a corner. By the time, he’s already missed a fine amount of working hours in the studio. A text from Mitch begs him to stay at the hotel and try to work himself out, better than sniffle over his shoulder while he tries to work. He works his dizzy way to the bed and pokes the young woman.

“Oli... I-I mean...” he steps away, trying to recover her name somewhere in his drunken mind. “Luna?”

“Hm?” she rubs her eyes open.

“Hey” he strokes her arm clumsily, “Morning. I might need to leave in a few minutes, you’re a guest here right?”

“Oh, yes” she gets up in a stretch. “I’m so sorry”

“It’s alright, thank you for last night”

“It was nothing” she recalls him laying on her lap bawling his eyes out as she tries to comfort him the best she can. “I hope you figure yourself out”

“Thank you” he pulls her in for a friendly hug and walks her to the door.

  Now that he’s alone, he takes his phone again to no avail. She won’t answer, she won’t even listen to his voicemail. He then googles her name to search for recent news, the most recent one is about Frank’s new affair and his sister’s approval, the last one indicating her location is three months old, when she joined him in Jamaica. He checks her social media, Frank’s, all her former bandmate’s but when he least expects it, he finds a clue.

  Her friend Matty, who he hasn’t seen in months, posted a photo wearing one of Harry’s old t-shirts, a white one he wore to a Burberry fashion show. Without a second thought, he reaches out.

“‘ello? Who’s this?”

“Hey, it’s Harry, Harry Styles” he immediately regrets the call. It is a stupid idea, he shouldn’t be intruding.

“Oh, hey! Sorry, didn’t recognize your voice”

“I’m sorry... listen chap, I need to ask you something and you might find it weird but when was the last time you saw Olivia?”

He ponders for a moment, “She came by when her tour began last year, but we haven’t talked much ever since” Harry sighs in defeat, “But I saw Frank last weekend when I was in LA”

“Weird, I just saw a picture of you with a shirt just like mine-“

“It probably is, I got it from Frank” he shuts his eyes in realization. Of course, Frank is like a damn vampire, only he takes his peer’s clothes. “He stole a shirt from me, thought I’d do the same to him”

“Did he mention anything about Oli at all?”

“No, she said she’s just fine... but he was weird about it, I could tell” Matty confesses, always prizing his truthfulness.

“I see... cheers mate, sorry for the weird questions”

“No problem, let me know if you need anything”

  Another finished phone call, another silence. He hates the silence, all that’s left in silence are his troubled thoughts. Slowly he falls back to sleep thinking about her, dreaming of their home in New York, Oli waking up early to water the plants as he played the guitar in the garden, making dinner together, napping together at their studio’s couch after a long day of work. He wakes up a bit lost and finds his writing journal few inches away from a pool of wine he accidentally spilled last night. He hoisters the journal carefully but lets something fall in that puddle: a map.

“No, no no no” he picks it up and runs to the bathroom pressing the white towels against the paper. He unfolds the thing and stares in slight relief as the whole thing wasn’t too affected. That map of New York has so many precious memories recorded on it, her handwriting is all over the place. He finds the spot east of Central Park where she marked with a circle and wrote ‘home’.

  He wants to go home, he wants to relive their good moments and make new ones. Every piece of poetry in that book somehow reminds him of her. There’s the one describing how he felt after their vacation in Rio, when he got to see her interacting with the place she grew up on. She was so fulfilled, so joyful... He had then rented a penthouse across the street from the beach where they could see the whole coastline. They’d wake up in bliss, make love all morning and spend hours just on pillow talk. Then he’d take her to the sea and hold her legs around his waist, leaning to kiss her between the waves, her touch light on him. He called the poem “Waves in Her Eyes”, he never felt like making it a song, just a good reverie.

  One of his favorites, “Spotlight”, is about watching her perform. She feels so in sync with her music, it’s like she’s possessed by it. He always idealized her when he saw her onstage, after all she looked other-worldly beautiful, but coming off stage that side of her disappeared and she was just Oli: playful, simple, charming Oli. He remembers watching her practice when she’d spend the weekends in his flat in London, one earpod giving her the playback as he could only hear her powerful low-pitched voice roaring the melodies.

  He dozes off quite often, waking up randomly to read another poem, drink some wine and doze off again. When it’s noon, he picks up the phone to no messages of her.

“Hey Oli, it’s me again. This is getting old, but I just want to talk to you... You’re so fucking complicated, ay? Why won’t you ever say what you wanna say?” he spits bitterly but immediately regrets it. “Sorry, in your defense, that side of you never stopped me from loving you. I do it almost like breathing. But now... I know I’ve fucked up, but so did you. I’ll never give up on us but I’m tired of apologizing to silence, maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too... who am I kidding, you never do, do you?”

  He loses track of the days he’s spent in the hotel room. One evening, Mitch comes around with his guitar to play something he’s working on but Harry barely clocks in.

“This is a bunch of shit” Mitch groans, looking around the place.

“Sorry mate, I’m not really in the mood for it”

“By the looks of it, your mood is only self-pity and wine. I could agree with wine but self-pity isn’t cool”

“I’ve never felt less cool, Mitch” Harry sighs.

“Fuck’s sake... Harry, go to New York”

“She might not be there-“

“She might be” he counters, willing to play cup half-full if it gets his friend out of this mess.

“I have to finish the album”

“You’re not finishing the album like this”

“I’ll write you something, I promise” he insists, the album is the last string he has grounding him to her world, he needs to finish it.

“Don’t force yourself to it, do what you want whenever you want it. I’ll be right here pal”

“Thanks Mitch”

  He doesn’t remember when he left, nor how he came to the hotel room in the first place, but now he finds himself at the dinning table staring down a blank page of his journal. There’s so much he feels but very little he can put into words. In his haze, he thinks about writing about a particularly steamy night they spent together. It started with them making out on the couch, but slowly their touches became more daring and things got heated. He can’t take the pen to write as he’s too busy playing with himself.

He feels disgraceful, unable to work, to leave the hotel or do anything but feel sorry for himself. But suddenly, his phone rings. In a room so doomed by silence, his ringtone feels like a needle piercing his eardrums. “Hello?”

“Harry?” Frank asks from the other end of the line, “Is that you? Are you ok?”

“How the fuck you think I am?” he answers in a fickle tone, “Why didn’t you answer my texts, I’ve been trying to talk to you for days”

“I know man, I feel awful about it”

“Where is she?” his anger simmers to a small whimper.

“She’s in New York”

“Why won’t she answer my calls?”

Frank dallies with his words trying to find the best ones for this situation, “Harry, there’s something she needs to tell you but she doesn’t know how”

“What is it?” he begs.

“I can’t tell you, I swore to her I wouldn’t”

“Ain’t that precious: she can’t tell me, you can’t tell me, I might as well just fuck off”

Frank feels the full weight of his heart-break, which is in part his fault as he couldn’t talk Olivia through her silence, but this is his only chance to atone. “Tomorrow we’ll play at Jim’s to celebrate the band’s anniversary, 9:00 pm. Your name will be on the list. Don’t miss it”

  Without further ado, he ends the call.

  Harry leaps up in a burst of energy and starts packing his stuff. With everything packed, he looks at the mess he left in the room. If Anne was in this hotel room, she’d bash him up for his behavior, so in honor of her education he makes sure to leave the place spotless. After that, he texts Frank an apology. They both fucked up, but Frank never deserved this treatment. Years of friendship have made him look at his in-law through Oli’s lens, her undying love for him is contagious.

“Hey love, if you haven’t heard any of my voicemail you won’t hear this either, but I’m coming home. What I’m doing here without you doesn’t make sense. I hope when we get to see each other we’ll figure ourselves out, ‘cause this small taste of life without you is quite miserable... anyway, we’ll sort ourselves out. I love you”

  He books himself an overnight ticket to New York and leaves, spending the whole trip trying to justify his absence to Ryan and the other producers. He can't work until he's got Oli back, or at least until they're sorted out.

  He arrives at Jim's pub almost at the end of the show, calmly strolling down the snowy streets. The doors open to a crowded hall, he has to squeeze between the guests to find a privileged spot. Once he gets it, there's nothing between him and Oli. He sighs and smiles until her eyes find his beneath the spotlight.

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Masterlist

[docholligay]

In Which I Drive 17 Hours to Act Like a Goof

I want to preface this story with the advice that if you ever get the chance to meet Jen Cohn, you should do it. You should do it if you have only a passing interest in Fareeha Amari, even. She is an incredibly gracious, funny, and very very kind woman, and I am grateful that if I was going to act like I had never met another human being in my life, it was to an incredibly gracious, funny, and very kind woman. 

I also want to preface this story with the caveat that I am remembering this to the best of my ability, but there were parts, dear reader, where I believe my brain simply shorted out and left the building, very likely cruising over to some bar to have a drink and pretend it had never known me, and I understand the inclination. 

Lastly, I want to say that the only thing that keeps me from retreating to the mountains in shame is that if nothing, I am probably not the most awkward person she has ever met. 

But I’m probably up there. 

If you click beyond the read me, you solemnly swear that you will try to view this with a charitable eye, and please carry with you every positive thought you have ever had of me.  

I brought my fanfic to the con. This isn’t the first fanfic I’ve ever had signed–my sister got me Charlotte Chung’s autograph, and a friend is getting me Crispin Freeman’s–but it’s the first one I’ve ever gotten signed myself. With this, I reasoned, I would have three of my top five characters, and one of my top two, and so really the eight and a half hour drive each way wasn’t that big of a deal. So I planned it out, went to an Office Depot and had them print two copies, in case I lose or ruin one, on 24 pound linen resume paper like I’m John fucking Milton, and headed to Salt Lake. 

I wasn’t nervous the whole time I was in the con. I cruised artist alley, looked at the pinball machines, and strolled around waiting for her booth to open, picking out what to say, thinking I was going to play it VERY cool because I am a neat, casual, funny lesbian, and not an awkward lesbian disaster. 

Oh ho ho, hubris, you who makes a mockery of us all. 

I’m standing in line, waiting, and suddenly it occurs to me that while this fanfic is not, in the strictest sense, about her, it is, to some extent, about her. I can feel myself blushing as I’m sitting here writing this two days later, and at the con it was this overwhelming sense of HOW STUPID ARE YOU, HOLLIGAY? IT ISN’T EVEN THAT GOOD. I swear to god I felt tears spring to my eyes, and I was suddenly so EMBARRASSED of myself that I wanted to run. I started to shake. 

Luckily or unluckily, depending on how you take the tale, Nikki was right next to me. Nikki, our preeminent Pharah main and Definitely Not Super Invested in Pharmercy friend, was in no way going to allow me to bold. We had driven eight and a half hours last night, and we were literally going to drive eight and a half hours the next morning, for mostly this reason. I was not going anywhere. 

We get up there, and it should be noted that I’ve never met a celebrity at a con. I’ve met musicians after concerts and stuff, but nothing this structured, it’s usually just someone with a guitar sitting on the edge of the stage shooting the shit because that’s a solid 89% of concerts I attend. All of this might be very par for the course, but if stories I’ve heard are any indication, and things going on around me were normal, it could just be a Jen Cohn thing. 

She introduces herself as Jen and sticks her hand out to shake mine, and thank god my name is three letters and one syllable because I managed to remember it. I’m still holding my fanfic in front of myself, the spare copy still safely pressed in the cardboard bag. Nikki is chatting, because she still has the capability of speech, while I’m mostly shaking my head yes and no. 

I don’t remember how it came up, but Nikki said that we had driven here from Montana, and that it was about eight and a half hours each way, and that we had done it mainly to see her. Jen Cohn’s eyes lit up and she walked around from the booth and hugged us both, which I was not at all expecting, but was so sweet and felt so genuine and so kind. 

I’m just going to buy a print, I think, and have her sign it. 

But once again, Nikki was next to me. Jen is asking if we play Overwatch, and I’m nodding my head, and if I had the capability of speech, I might have said, I love Pharah as a character, so much, but her playstyle is a little beyond me, I stick to Tracer, harass is really my game. But I didn’t, and, so I didn’t. And then I hear Nikki. 

“We’re really more on the creative side of things, my friend here…”

O H N O. 

It’s not just my head that’s shaking now, it’s my whole body. I am a tiny Jewish maraca that can’t even keep time. 

Nikki must have said something about me having a fanfic, because I managed to present it. I even managed to set it on the table! And I haven’t creased it, or ruined it, or anything. 

She’s never had anyone bring her fanfiction before, she says, but she doesn’t say it like I thought she would, like no one has ever done it because it’s cringeworthy, but with a sense of surprise and delight. And then, it happens.

Jen Cohn starts reading my Fareeha Amari fanfiction. She starts reading my Fareeha Amari fanfiction and telling me I should contribute to the Pharmercy zine, they’re doing a round two and they didn’t add fanfic last time, but they might and they should. 

What I want to do, is shake my head and tell her not to read it, assure her that’s it’s all rather quasi-canonical, and not good besides, I want to take it away before she can realize that it’s all so terrible, and oh my god now she’s moving to the second page. 

But what I say instead is, “I have another copy, if you want it.” 

And I do, Merriwether font size 11, eight pages of white linen resume paper at 24 pound test, so it would hold up, you see. So it would stay nice. Maybe I said it because I didn’t want her to read it in front of me, that I hoped she would put it in some stack somewhere and forget about it. Maybe I said it because I did want her to read it, because I hoped, like I do with every reader, that it would do something for her, in some way. 

She said she’d love that, and as I’m going to set it on the table, still shaking so badly that I’m sure I look like I’m coming down off a weeklong bender, she asks me if I’ll please sign it for her. I nod, and as I go to take the pen from in front of me, her poor handler looks like she thinks I’m going to pass out, and I do feel a little like passing out, now as she mentions it with her eyes. 

I’m not sure what I wrote. I know it was some variation on thank you, and I doubt she could read it anyhow, my handwriting being terrible in the best of times and at the point we are in the story, it has disintegrated to this sort of rune-like text, as if I were practicing my Hebrew letters and forgetting that this is English. I signed it, and she signed my copy, and I carefully tucked it back in the bag with the careful folds, where it would be safe. 

There’s a million things I might have told her. That I loved the voice she gave Pharah, that I thought it was so wonderful how much she was behind Pharah/Mercy. That I’m Jewish too, and growing up with my major representation being Fievel Mousekewitz, while I know we’ll never have one in-game, sometimes it’s nice to imagine that a character you love might be Jewish. 

I did none of them. I mostly shook and stared. 

Nikki had no such problems. She was funny and engaging and decided she had to buy the Pharah/Mercy print, despite already having a print, because she does not care about them AT ALL, it is important for all to note, and she definitely doesn’t want to hang it in the office where she can stare at their gay faces. 

This is a good time to insert that Jen Cohn and Lucie Pohl both had this print, signed by the other, for people to buy, with all proceeds going to the Ali Forney Center. If you take nothing else away from this story, let it be that they are both using their fame for something good. 

Her paint marker screwed up and she turned a huge blotch of paint into this amazing huge heart, all the while laughing about how much love was on this print, all the love, and I actually did laugh, even in my sort of catatonic state. 

In conclusion, she was so amazing and lovely, and while *I* acted like a complete doofus (and Nikki may be able to fill in stuff I forgot) she was incredible and warm and one of the most positive, if not the most positive, celebrity experience I have ever had. She didn’t make me feel like I was acting like an awkward loser at all, even though I VERY clearly was, and again I cannot recommend enough that if you ever have the chance to even say hi to her, I’d do it. 

I still haven’t had the courage to see what she wrote to me. Maybe when I’m a little less embarrassed. 

The rest is on Patreon because it’s much more personal.

[brightly-painted-canvas]

Hi! I've noticed you wrote rami and joe being roommates in one italian joe fic and i love the idea!!!! Do you mind sharing maybe more hcs?

Hi! Sorry for being so late >.(since I couldn’t finish today and tomorrow’s entries for the Sledgefu week, I figured I could at least reply to your request that was sitting for some time in my ask box)(it still took some time to write ‘cause I tend to get a lot invested in these things… hope you don’t mind!)

It all starts because Rami has to move to NYC to film Mr Robot and the flat he had decided to rent for the first months in the city is suddenly no more available (for an unlucky coincidence of bad maintenance from the previous owners, delay on reparation works from the current owner and Rami’s lack of time to get directly involved in these matters) and he has to ask to his New Yorker friends for a place to crash, promising it would be only for the time it takes for his flat to get fixed

of course Joe is the first friend to reply and the most enthusiastic one because he’s like that and he’s always there to lend a hand

of course (2) Rami’s own flat’s works get delayed over and over again and at the end he’s finishing shooting S1 of Mr Robot and he’s still living with Joe (and loving the shit out of their shared routine)

since the first week of their cohabitation, Joe has Rami saved under ‘Roomie Malek’ on his phone (and finds it hilarious, thank you very much)

he steals Rami’s phone at some point and saves himself as ‘Joe Roommazello’ (also hilarious, he’s born to make great puns)

Rami never changes that for some reason (reasons different than his inability with technology I know how to make my phone work Joe fuck right off)

problems with Rami’s real inability with technology start manifesting when Joe, who at that moment is a 30 years old single and ready to mingle boi, realises it’s impossible to successfully end a date with Rami as a roommate, since he doesn’t check his phone EVER and he always misses Joe’s texts about needing the house for himself until at least 11 pm

the times Rami walks in to Joe and a gal/bloke making out on the couch reaches uncountable amounts very fast

Joe is very uncomfortable and Rami is always apologetic but he simply seems unable to solve these recurrent awkward situations by checking and maybe replying to Joe’s desperate texts and phone calls

Joe tries to find a remedy by buying a large whiteboard he hangs on the kitchen’s wall. He divides it in seven sections for the seven days of the week and then instruct Rami to use a red marker while he uses a blue one

the whiteboard is to keep tracks of their schedules so that everyday they know what they have to do and at what hour they should be expected home without having to call the other’s manager

it starts off pretty well but then it becomes so convenient that they begin to leave messages on each other’s daily space, written in their marker colour but in opposite handwritings (‘remember to buy milk’ ‘I’m lactose intolerant’ ‘from Rami to Rami: remember to buy milk’ - underlined - ‘from Joe to Joe: remember to buy regular milk for Rami and soy milk for you’ ‘trip to LA in one week’ ‘I’m gonna miss you’ ‘you’re coming with me’ ‘oh right I forgot’ ‘this is what the board’s for’, etc.)

(a third marker is added to the board. It’s green and it means things they do together)

(it’s still impossible to prevent Rami to catch Joe in compromising positions with his dates because even writing ‘DATE NIGHT’ - underlined - on the board doesn’t mean Rami’s sleepy and tired mind after a full day on set is going to remember that he needs to give Joe his private time at home before he can have dinner, take a shower and fall into bed)

(trying to have sex while Rami’s eating cereal in the kitchen is an absolutely miserable experience, Joe finds out)

Joe stops dating altogether at some points. It saves him the stress to try and find a date and getting ready and spending lots of money for nothing. Moreover, his evenings are already plenty of fun with his and Rami’s late dinners and movie nights and script readings and scene rehearsing and lazy cuddles on the couch

cuddles are a must in their house, by the way. It’s written in their Roommates Contract which they never actually redacted but they quote from all the time since they rewatched S1 of TBBT together (‘before the show turned to shit’ ‘please don’t say that in public’). They’re both very tactile, affectionate men and they really really don’t care about any toxic masculinity crap, especially in the privacy of their own home

they mostly cuddle in the evening on the couch under a blanket (watching old movies they both love like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ which is Joe’s favourite and always makes him cry a bit at the end) or on Joe’s bed when Rami comes home very late from set and really needs a hug before going to bed. Joe is always willing to hug someone in distress, even if that requires being woken up at 2 am with a armful of yawning Rami Malek complaining about skipping dinner and feeling NY’s freezing winter weather into his very bones

(Joe hugs him closes and then gets up to make him a ham sandwich while Rami takes a boiling hot shower)

Rami doesn’t date. There are multiple reasons why, but mostly it’s because he’s too busy with filming his first leading role in a tv show and because he’s not one for one night stands so he prefers skipping the dating process altogether while he’s too into his job to really make an effort

plus, Joe’s enough of a reassuring, calming presence in his life at the moment. He’s someone Rami can trust wholeheartedly, from that time he calls him from set panicking about forgetting to turn off the stove that morning (to which Joe has to run home and check if that is true and their apartment is on fire - it isn’t -) to that other time he fell sick with the flu and Joe cancelled his plans to take care of him and make sure he didn’t die of dehydration and lack of medications

Joe is also someone who makes Rami laugh and smile and be happy and he does so all the time, effortlessly. It is probably the characteristic that Rami loves the most about Joe, together with his intelligence and his good manners and his profound respect of others

(basically, everything about Joe is nice in Rami’s eyes)

(and it seems everything about Rami is nice in Joe’s eyes too)

because Rami is also enough for Joe. He’s there for the whole writing process of Joe’s directing debut ‘Undrafted’ and when Joe needs help rehearsing or proof reading a scene, he’s willing to sacrifice all his free time to lend a hand. Rami’s presence in Joe’s home is comforting to the point he find it difficult to fall asleep or remembering things like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping when Rami’s back in LA or somewhere promoting Mr Robot because what’s the point?

(Joe doesn’t like to do things alone anymore)

Rami makes Joe feel safe and grounded. Joe has always been a bit of an anxiety-prone person, always fretting about this or that but at the same time incredibly inclined to fall into profound boredom during lulls in activity between jobs. Rami’s presence somehow prevents him to get too caught up in his own mind during busy times and too lazy to function as a regular human being when he’s got nothing to do

it somehow reminds him of when they first met, on the set of The Pacific: Rami had been an anchor for him at that time too, the ��one who makes it great’ with his hard work and grace under pressure and willingness to always strive for more, better, best. Their great connection and synergy had started back then and never left. This knowledge makes Joe sad sometimes, thinking about all those years in between when they hadn’t been as close, hadn’t kept in touch enough

sometimes they call Martin just to bother him at odd hours (mostly when it’s already late at night in Ireland) and they always invite him to the US to spend some time together, even if they’re all very busy with their works. Some other time they arrange nights out with Noel and Brendan and all those other The Pacific kids they’re still in contact with because they still get along like brothers and New York is the place where all their roads cross at some point or another

members of their families come to visit and arranging sleeping accommodations when the Maleks are over is the most complicated task: they have two bedrooms with queen size beds and a couch that can accomodate one more person, but they always refuse to let Nelly sleep on it and both offer their own bed to Rami’s mom

after hours of offerings and complaints (Italian hospitality having a fitful match with Egyptian proper manners… the Mediterraneans are all stubborn and prideful in their own ways of being good people), she accepts to sleep in Rami’s bed while the twins take Joe’s bed and Joe creates a nest for himself on the couch

(Nelly wakes up early one morning during their stay to find the couch empty and her three boys all asleep on Joe’s bed with Joe’s laptop still open showing its screensaver and Sami curled up against Rami’s back as Rami’s head is on Joe’s shoulder and Joe’s right arm is under Rami’s waist)

(she closes the door quietly and prepare breakfast for the four of them and doesn’t say a thing when they all emerge sleepy and messy from Joe’s bedroom, but she smiles knowingly at Sami when he catches her eyes as they witness Joe and Rami’s perfect coordination in serving each other toasts and coffee with the right amount of milk and sugar without having to say one single word)

when Yasmine comes to visit, she usually stays in a hotel with her fiancée/husband so they only have to worry about dinner and entertainment

when Joe’s sister comes to visit with her family, Rami gets so excited to see Joe’s nephews that he can’t fall asleep the night prior. He loves chatting with Mary and her husband but the kids are an absolute joy to have around: they play board games and watch movies and one time they all go ice skating together and Rami almost tears up when the youngest calls him (albeit accidentally) ‘uncle’ for the first time

soon (too soon) Mr Robot S1 is over and Undrafted is ready to go into production and while they’re very excited for their new projects, they feel like they’re slowly drifting apart and they don’t like it one bit

Rami is conflicted about moving back to LA for the months he has before S2 starts filming and taking his stuff with him to finally free Joe of his presence. He’s got enough time to look for a new place to stay on his own while he’s back living with Sami, but somehow he doesn’t want to proceed with this plan

Joe’s rarely at home enough to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but at the same time Rami doesn’t think this is a topic they can discuss over the phone so he delays his flight and he delays having to think about it until

one evening Joe comes home tired and stressed out and crushed by the amount of pressure he’s under to make this movie (HIS movie) work

Rami is there to comfort him and force him to eat dinner and have a shower and going to bed and when Joe breaks down crying in his arms sobbing about not being good enough it takes Rami 0.01 seconds to decide to cancel his flight and stop worrying about what’s right and what’s proper because he’s needed HERE RIGHT NOW and he has to stay but most of all he WANTS to stay

he’s never gonna be perfectly sure he’s the right person to do this for Joe, if Joe needs him because he is conveniently already there in his life or if he’s there because he has been good all along (chosen maybe), because they made it work and it’s working perfectly, because somehow they’ve become exactly what the other needs for it to be right

he’s never gonna be sure but they don’t really have to talk about it either because they both wants this and they’re ready to make an effort to make it right and keep it being right

(Rami thinks Joe makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person. Joe thinks Rami makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person)

soon (2) it’s time for Mr Robot S2 and Rami never really went away in the meanwhile, but that’s okay. Joe is editing Undrafted and it’s maybe not going to be the best film ever made but it’s good and Joe likes it (and Rami likes it a lot) and that’s okay. They’re still living together and their families still love coming to visit them and their whiteboard is still full of things to do written in green and that’s okay. Rami stops looking for flats to rent or buy in NYC and that’s absolutely okay

they celebrate one year of being roommates with dinner in a fancy restaurant downtown (Rami’s choice) and a walk in the park and when they get home they watch Netflix on Joe’s bed and Joe says ‘if I’d known the only way for you not to ruin a date night was having a date night with you, I’d asked you out sooner’ and Rami laughs until there are tears in the corner of his eyes

they are (more than) okay.

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

Queen of Hearts - Chapter 10

Thirty-year-old Rose Tyler’s matchmaking business is doing very well indeed, bringing her clients such as celebrities, athletes, and the now-happily-married son of the mayor.  All of which brings her to her newest client - one whose royal rank is a far cry above her own title as Queen of Hearts.

Ian, King of Gallifrey, calls off his wedding four weeks before the happy day as he realizes he can’t spend another minute of his life with his betrothed.  The catch - he must take a wife before his Coronation, only a month away.  In desperation, his sister and aunt conspire to find him is happy ever after - and it’s going to take a master matchmaker to do it.

-

Based on the Hallmark Movie ‘Royal Matchmaker’.  Chapters will be posted every Sunday.

As always, beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma​!  @doctorroseprompts

Masterlist  |  AO3

---

Friday, April 12th

The next morning, Rose was just about ready to give in and ask how Mel had breakfast delivered when a knock on the suite door preceded Ryan the footman poking his head in.

“Ma’am?”  He offered out a silver tray, a folded piece of cream stationary perfectly centered on it.  The Gallifreyan coat of arms was embossed on the top in gold and scarlet, looking terribly fancy.

Rose scrambled up from the floor, where she’d been in the middle of the file folders on each of their remaining candidates.  With any luck, the pool would be narrowed further once she got the King’s assessments of each woman back. “Thank you!”  Opening the note, she found perfect handwriting inside that read:

Rose,

Please join me for breakfast.

Ian

“When you’re ready, ma’am,” Ryan said politely, and she nodded.

“One minute.”  She darted back into her bathroom, pulling her brush through her hair again and refreshing her lipstick before returning to the main room, tugging at the hem of her skirt.  “Hopefully we’ll have the new list by noon, and we can reevaluate then.  Text me if anything comes up.”

Mel laughed, shaking her head.  “Go eat, find out how last night went,” she ordered.  “I’m going down to the breakfast room soon, see who turns up and get the gossip that way.  We can compare notes whenever you’re back.”

“You’re an absolute angel,” Rose declared, before following Ryan down the hall towards breakfast.  She straightened her outfit on the way, wondering who all would be at the meal and how the evening had gone.

She was escorted to their now-typical dining room, the more intimate one from Monday evening.  Entering, she was slightly surprised to find the King already there, sitting in his usual spot and writing away on a sheet of paper.

He was alone, and her heart unclenched.

Something alerted him to her presence and his head jerked up, a smile spreading across his face.  “R- Miss Tyler!  Thank you for joining me, please, have a seat.”

To her surprise he practically ran around the table to pull her chair out for her, waiting until she sat to push her back in before returning to his own seat, putting his papers away without an apparent second thought.

“How was your evening?”

Rose arched an eyebrow, barely noticing as their food was delivered and the servants slipped out of the room.  “Busy with the final touches for tomorrow night.  Yours?”

It hit her like a bolt of lightning before he even opened his mouth, the reason for his good mood.  Oh, God, no.  He found someone.  Then she realized what she’d thought with horror.  No, that’s a good thing!  That’s why we’re here.  He was supposed to find his perfect queen last night.  Regardless, tears welled in her eyes.

“It was fine,” he shrugged, “I’m just finishing up the reviews now.”  He gestured towards the folder, which Rose realized must contain the after-meeting questionnaires she’d asked him to complete.

“That’s good,” she choked out, toying with a bite of waffle.  “Your comments will help up guide you further, or possibly re-expand our pool if need be.”  Waffles were her favorite food second only to chips, but at this moment, she couldn’t even bear the thought.  “How many women do you want to keep?”

Ian gave her an odd look, unusually serious even for him, before quirking his lips into a smile.  “Keep?  None.”  The strange look flashed in his eye again, but he just shook his head.  “I’m not looking for a harem. I was speaking to Donna though – she said you had a woman on the list who wasn’t there?”

Rose nodded, pasting on a numb smile and hoping he couldn’t see her lack of enthusiasm.  You’re a professional, act like it!  “One, yes, a French diplomat’s daughter – we’re still trying to get her to come at least for a visit, but she’s currently on a private yacht in the Mediterranean, and we’re having trouble getting in touch with her.”

“All right.  What happens in the meantime, then, oh wise one?”

A dozen things hovered on the tip of her tongue, but what came out was, “Today, each woman gets an hour of your time, just the two of you, so you can get to know each other better.  Then the fundraiser tomorrow night - I expect we can eliminate at least another one or two based on their reactions to the event. Then early next week you’ll spend a day with each of the remaining matches, amidst your other duties.  They’ll shadow you somewhat as I did, to dedications and speeches and such.  If our long shot surfaces long enough to get her here, you’ll spend some time with her as well.”

“And when do I need to choose?”  Despite his earlier enthusiasm for his steak and eggs, he was now pushing bits of egg around the plate in circles with his fork, staring at the food without seeming to see it.

“I recommend by next weekend,” Rose said softly, “so you have at least a few days before the engagement party to focus on each other and be sure.  Well, as sure as you can.”  It was a tight timeframe, too tight, but all she could do was cross her fingers and hope for love at second sight, if not first.  Come on, Reinette, answer your phone!

“Do I have to marry one of these three women?  If I found… found someone who suited me better?”  He raised his head, watching her expression intently, and she floundered for a moment.

He’s not saying what you think he is, the little voice in the back of her mind that sounded like her mother whispered.  Don’t be so presumptuous.  “That’s not up to me,” she said truthfully.  “The Princess hired me to find you a wife – I certainly have no authority to force you to do… anything.  If you were to find someone… someone else, I’d be happy to run you both through our program, find your compatibility percentage.”

“Even if it cost you your fee?”

“I just want you to be happy,” Rose blurted with far more honesty than she had intended, eyes widening for a moment before trying to backtrack.  “I mean, my whole mission is to help people find love.  I want everyone to be happy.  You know?”  She chewed on her bottom lip, and for a moment, she imagined he was staring at her mouth with longing.

“I understand.”  The King nodded, and the tension vanished.  “Anyway, is there anything I can do to help with planning for tomorrow?”

-

Donna shut the door to Lungbarrow House with a relieved sigh, reveling in the peace and quiet after the organized chaos of the ballroom in preparation for the fundraiser, now a little over twenty-four hours away.  The servants were done for the day, the children still at the Center, and she had the house entirely to herself.

“Angel?”

Opening her eyes, she found her husband standing in front of her watching with a concerned expression.

“Hi,” Donna breathed, stepping forward into his waiting arms and sinking into him.  “Oh, it’s so nice to see someone sane.”

“Trouble?”  Taking her by the hand, he led her up the stairs to their bedroom, settling on the bench at the foot of their bed and watching her with patient eyes.  That was one of the numerous things she loved about her husband, his patient, easy-going temperament.  They were polar opposites in many ways, but that only served to make them work.

Donna shook her head, sinking into his side.  “No.  Not really.  It’s just so frustrating!”

Her husband hummed.  “What?  Planning?”

“Ian!  And Rose.  God, Lee, they’re so stupid.  Both are still pretending that he’s going to marry one of these women she’s brought in, and it’s infuriating.  I’ve tried hinting to him about her, and it’s getting me nowhere!”

“Rose?  For Queen?”  Lee tilted his head against hers as he considered the idea.  “That… sounds like a good match.”

“Right?!  Oh, wait until you see how they look at each other tomorrow at the Fundraiser.  There’s no denying what’s there – except for them, apparently.”  Turning her head, she captured his lips in a tender kiss.

He returned it, deepening it, one hand coming up to cup her face, thumb brushing tenderly along her cheek.  “I wish them as much happiness as I have,” he whispered, raining kisses over her face.

“Lee?”

“Yes, Angel?”

“Stop talking about my brother and start taking off your shirt.”

“Yes, Angel.”

-

Saturday, April 13th

Contrary to Thursday night, when the guest list had only included himself, Donna, and the five ‘bachelorettes’ as he had taken to privately calling them, the benefit on Saturday was open to the public.  For twenty euros any citizen could gain access to the Palace, attend a talent show given by the children Polly and Ben cared for, have a nice meal catered by the palace kitchens, and mingle with the royal family.

Ian had made sure the casual nature of the evening was very clear to everyone – especially his potential brides.  He himself was dressed in work boots, jeans, a Queen tee, and a black jacket with scarlet lining he particularly loved even if Donna said it made him look like a party magician.

In a fit of whimsy, he had stationed himself by the entrance to the ballroom so he could shake everyone’s hand as they entered and thank them for attending.  He found it particularly amusing how many would almost brush past him, stop dead, turn back and fall into a deep bow or curtsey and stammer excuses.

So far three of his five potential brides had stopped by to chat, each dressed for a State Dinner.  They looked amazing, in ball gowns and large jewels – and entirely out of place.  At least that makes it easy to avoid them, he thought gloomily, all the while realizing the folly of such a thought.  He would have to marry someone in sixteen days, and they were the best a professional matchmaker could find for him.

Objectively he knew many kings married for money or power or treaty, that few had married for love.  That he should pick whoever would be the best queen and be done with it.  In this day and age with modern medicine, he never had to even sleep with her if he didn’t really want to; they had several other options of having children that in no way involved sharing a bed.  And they weren’t terrible, he could see himself with all of them in some way – in another life.

But that’s not the kind of marriage I want.  What he wanted, he considered wistfully as he watched Donna and Lee sway incongruously to a popular pop song and giggle together, was someone who loved him, and he loved her, and they could share a reasonably-normal life.

“Yes,” he heard behind him, and he spun around, eyes lighting at seeing Rose standing there holding two beers.

“Hello!” he said warmly, raking his gaze over her as he stepped closer, away from the door.  Finally, someone who listens.  She was in dark jeans and heels which gave her a classy but casual look, matched with a worn Queen tee and leather jacket.  She looked better than the women in their ball gowns, and his heart stuttered.  “Wait, what?”

Rose laughed, throwing her head back, but naturally, not in the performatively-seductive way some of the candidates had.  “Yes,” she repeated, “I can find you somebody to love.”  His blank look sparked another round of laughter, and she gestured at his own shirt.  “Isn’t that the single cover for ‘Somebody to Love’?”

Ian stared down at his shirt for several long seconds, but eventually his brain rebooted and he realized she was right, chuckling softly to himself.  “I didn’t even notice,” he confessed, “just grabbed the first one I saw.”  In hindsight, perhaps it was a bit too on the nose.

“Well, I like it.  And hey, we match!”  She pulled her jacket away to let him see the detail; sure enough it had the artwork for A Day at the Races, the album from which Somebody to Love had first debuted.  A perfect match indeed.

“So we do,” he choked out, voice huskier than intended, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“How’s it going so far?  Oh!”  She thrust one of the beers towards him, flushing.  “Sorry, I grabbed this for you then forgot all about it.”

Ian took it with surprise, lips turning up as he tasted it.  “My favorite. Thank you.”  How does she know?

“You looked like you could use a drink,” she shrugged, sipping at her own, before her eyes widened again.  “Because you’ve been doing so much talking! I thought your throat was probably dry, not that you were bored!”

He laughed at her slightly panicked expression.  “I appreciate the thought,” was all he said before changing the subject.  “How are you finding the event?  Are you pleased?”

Rose nodded, her whiskey eyes lighting again.  “I don’t have much experience event planning, but it was so much fun!  Choosing everything, trying to find the right balance between the formality they would expect from the Palace but a casualness to make the average person feel welcome instead of intimidated.  But you didn’t answer, have you had a chance to speak to any… non-subjects yet?”

A small clump of hair had escaped her fancy hairdo, hanging over her cheek, and it made it difficult to process her words for a moment.

Grimacing, he nodded towards the high-top where all five women stood, each dressed to the nines, looking utterly out of place at what amounted to a casual fundraiser.  It was fitting, given what his heart was trying to tell him. “Apparently I wasn’t clear enough.”

Rose clucked her tongue, shaking her head and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, one that had been making Ian’s fingers itch to fix.  “Well, that’s disappointing.  Maybe they thought it was a test – the other way, I mean.  I don’t know.”  She huffed, irritated on his behalf, and he had to fight back a smile.

“By the by, the one in… what’s that color?  The reddish-pink one?”

“Coral?”

“Yes, her, and the one next to her in the bubblegum pink – I’ve had Sarah book them on the first train out tomorrow.”

Rose nodded, not looking surprised.  “If it makes you feel better, they were the lowest two compatibility scores of the five.”

A question was on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down in favor of asking, “Any word on the French girl?”

“Reinette?  No, though we’re close.  We expect to get in touch by Sunday noon.”

“All right.”

They stood in silence together for the length of a song, sipping at their beers, and he tried desperately to ignore how right it felt, tried to ignore the advice she’d given him the evening before – he’d been up half the night with the realization that she was right.

He did know who he wanted, but she wasn’t his to have.

In the end, he would have to do what he always did – make do.

You can’t always get what you want, indeed.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Forty

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

January 1st, 2016

Patton didn’t understand what was going on. His mom was clutching her head frequently and muttering about everything being too bright, too loud, too much of anything. He didn’t want to bug her, but he and Virgil were hungry, and something needed to be done.

Gently, he walked across the floor as softly as he could and tugged on Mom’s sleeve. She cracked an eye open but immediately winced. “What’s wrong, Patton?”

“Virgil and I are hungry,” he said. “Can we have lunch?”

“Sure, go ahead and make yourself lunch,” she waved off, closing her eyes again.

“No, I mea—” Patton cut himself off. Clearly, his mom wasn’t up for making them lunch. Even if he didn’t know how to make stuff other than possibly sandwiches, it would have to do. Why was what was supposed to be a happy time of the year leaving him miserable?

December 25th, 2019

Patton didn’t know what to do. Ami was sitting alone, in the master bedroom, head in his hands. He didn’t think that Ami was hungover, or drunk, because he hadn’t seen Ami touch a drop of alcohol. He’d never seen alcohol in the house. But he didn’t know why Ami would be alone in his bedroom with no one there to help him if something big weren’t going on.

At the same time, he didn’t want to bug Ami if some time alone was all that was needed. After all, if Ami had a migraine, or just a headache in general, Patton wouldn’t want to make it worse. So he decided that he was going to go to the second best source of Ami-info, Dad. He went downstairs, going past Dee who was fiddling with Tinker Toys in the den, past Virgil, who was reading the first Harry Potter book to see if he’d like the series, and past Roman and Logan in the basement who were playing together on some video game, using the new laptop and the old one to do co-op mode.

He went to the office, and knocked on the door before opening it and finding Dad on the other side. “Dad,” Patton asked softly. “Is something wrong with Ami?”

Dad turned from where he had been working at the desk, running a hand down his face. “There’s not something wrong with him, no. He’s just a little upset today.”

“Why?” Patton asked.

Dad sighed. “I’m not comfortable telling you without his permission.”

“But...he’s okay? He’s not hurt or sick or hungover?” Patton asked.

“He’s okay,” Dad said. “Or as okay as he ever is on Christmas.”

Patton fiddled with his glasses, taking them off before putting them back on and pushing them up his nose. “Would it be okay for me to talk to him?” he asked.

Dad bit his lip. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt, but leave him alone if he asks to be left alone, all right?”

Patton nodded. He dashed away, up the basement steps and up the second flight of stairs that took him to the top of the house. He walked to the master bedroom, knocking on the door lightly. Ami looked up from whatever he had been looking at on his phone, and sniffled. “Patton,” he said softly. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t think so,” Patton said, walking over to Ami and looking up at him. “You’re upset, and that means not everything’s okay.”

Ami shook his head and put on an unconvincing smile. “Don’t worry about me, Pat. I’ll be okay.”

“Why are you sad?” Patton asked.

Ami looked away. “I don’t want to use you as my therapist,” he said.

“You don’t have to. I just wanna know why you’re sad. You don’t even have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Patton said.

Ami sighed and fiddled with his phone, pulling up a photo. He held the phone up to Patton’s face. “You see those two older people behind the young guy in the picture?”

Patton nodded. The young guy kinda looked like Ami, but he had no idea who the older people were.

“Those two are my parents,” Ami said, shaking his head. “They haven’t been in contact with me much ever since I dropped out of college and moved in with Emile. I guess I was the black sheep of the family. My older sister and brother were their golden children, and I’m the college dropout who they see as a glorified barista. What little they’ve told me since we stopped talking is mostly that they want me to have ‘a better life’ than the one I have right now.” He laughed, but it was bitter. “And despite how they treated me and my siblings growing up, ignoring us, or at least ignoring me to the point of neglect, I regret not keeping in contact with them sometimes.”

“And this is one of those times?” Patton asked.

Ami nodded. “I want you kids to meet your other grandparents, even if they aren’t grandparents by blood. But I know that the second they’d come over, if I told them where we lived, they’d nitpick everything. They’d use the wrong pronouns for Logan. They’d throw in snide remarks about me being gay and how I went against every plan they had for me.” He sighed. “They’re...really unhealthy. Toxic, almost. And Emile is the one who holds me back from contacting them. But there’s a small part of me, that always hopes...despite what they did, that they could turn around...be better...be proud of the fact that Emile and I have you guys, and what you’ve done every day.”

Patton didn’t know what to say to that. “That’s hard,” Patton said. “It’s kinda like how I sometimes miss Mom, even if she listened to Charles too much and blamed me and Virgil for stuff.”

Ami laughed, choking back tears. “Sorry for unloading all that on you, Patton. I shouldn’t have.”

“I asked you to tell me why you’re sad. You did. It’s okay,” Patton said. He climbed on the bed and hugged Ami tight. “If you wanted to go into detail about that, I think Dad would be better, but you just told me why you were sad.”

Ami closed his eyes and hugged Patton back. “Thanks, Pat. You don’t have to keep this a secret from your brothers, okay? If they ask, you’re allowed to say I’m having problems with my parents.”

Patton nodded. “You know, I’m pretty sure even if your biological parents aren’t proud of you, Grandma and Granddad are. And Dad is. And I know that Dee looks up to you like you’re a superhero. And I trust you with my deep, dark secrets, even if it’s just that I like wearing skirts in the summer. Virgil and Roman and Logan all love you, too. The family you were born in may not have been great, but the family you found now loves you almost too much to understand. Or at least, too much for me to understand. I don’t know about you.”

Ami laughed, even as he cried. “I know. I know you guys love me. Sometimes, it just hurts. And when it does, I let myself be sad for a bit, and then I come back to you guys and know that you all love me.”

“Are you ready to come back now?” Patton asked.

“Not yet, Pat,” Ami said. “Though your hugs do help. I just need a little more time to think. Maybe I’ll call my brother, or text my sister. They’re not always the most accepting but I’m always going to be their baby brother, and they don’t let me being gay stop them from loving me.”

“Do you think that we could meet them sometime?” Patton asked. “Our aunt and uncle?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Ami said. “It depends on how they treat me, and react when I tell them that I have kids now. Especially if I tell them that Logan is transitioning.”

Patton nodded. Logan mostly passed, but he still sometimes couldn’t wear his binder, and that meant some jerks would misgender him. So sometimes it was necessary to say he was transitioning. And if Ami’s siblings used she and her when they heard about Logan, well, Patton doubted they would be invited over, ever. “Do you want to call them now?” Patton asked.

Ami considered the question, eventually nodding. “Yeah, I’ll give my brother Toby a call. Do you mind giving me some privacy?”

“Not at all,” Patton said, hugging Ami one last time. “I hope they make you feel better.”

Ami smiled. “Thanks, Pat. Now, I think you and Dee have some Legos and Tinker Toys to mess around with. Go on and have fun.”

Patton nodded and left the room, mostly closing the door, and letting Ami have his phone call in private. When Patton returned downstairs, Dee was working hard on building...what resembled a skyscraper. Dee looked up and signed, “Is Ami okay?”

“He’s a little sad, but he’s working on feeling better,” Patton told him.

“What is he sad about?” Virgil asked, looking over at Patton. “It’s Christmas. It’s hard to be sad around Christmas.”

Patton shrugged. “He’s sad that he can’t introduce us to his parents. Because his parents weren’t good people, and he doesn’t want us to get hurt.”

“Oh,” Virgil said softly. Dee looked stricken as well. “Do you think we should make him a card or something? Maybe that could make him feel better?”

“It’s worth a shot,” Patton agreed.

Dee jumped to his feet, signing, “I’ll grab the paper and markers!”

Virgil and Patton looked at each other and shrugged. “What do you think we should say on the card?” Virgil asked.

“Why are you asking me?” Patton asked.

“Because you’re the one who talked to him. You know why he’s sad better than we do.”

Patton thought about it, and shrugged. “Maybe we could just put...‘You’re fam...ILY’? because Logan taught me that ILY is short for I Love You, and that would be a fun pun to make,” Patton said with a shrug.

Virgil thought about it, and nodded. “Sounds good. A little cheesy, maybe, but Ami likes that kind of stuff anyway. It’s good.”

Patton grinned and Dee came back in the room with paper and markers, as promised. “What are we writing?” he asked.

“You’re fam...ILY,” Virgil said. “Patton came up with it. It's a pun, and it shows that we love Ami lots.”

Dee nodded and put everything down on the table, looking at each of the twins in turn. “Who has the neatest handwriting?” he asked.

Patton and Virgil looked at each other. “I think...I do?” Patton asked. “But both of us have really bad cases of chicken scratch.”

Dee thought for a moment, before shrugging. “We could always check by writing it small on another piece of paper before we write the big one?” he offered.

“That could work,” Virgil said. “Dibs on the purple marker.”

They each wrote down the words to the card and they were all surprised to figure out that Dee had the neatest handwriting out of all of them. So Dee took a piece of paper that Virgil had carefully folded in two, and wrote, “You’re fam...” on the front of the card, and then on the inside put, “ILY!” on the left side of the paper.

Adding bits of this and lots of that and putting the other thing all over the paper, they created a drawing of the whole family for Ami.

About halfway through an argument over who should sign the card where, Roman, Logan, and Dad all came into the room. “Um...boys? Care to enlighten us on why you’ve been so quiet? I would have expected at least one exclamation by this point if you’ve been working together,” Dad said.

“We’re making a card for Ami,” Virgil said. “Because he was feeling bad. We’re just debating where to sign it.”

“Oh, I want to sign it too,” Logan said.

“Me three,” Roman said.

“Would I be allowed to, as well?” Dad asked.

“Yeah!” Patton exclaimed. “The whole point of this card is to show Ami that we all care about him!”

They all signed the card, right before Ami came down the stairs. It was clear that he had been crying, and if his red-rimmed eyes weren’t enough proof, he was still sniffling a little. “Sorry, guys, I ran out of tissues, I’ll go back to my room in a sec so you don’t have to deal with me...”

“Wait! Before you do, we have something for you!” Patton exclaimed.

Dee approached a very confused Ami with the card behind his back. He presented it to Ami, who frowned as he took it from Dee’s hands. He read what was on the front of the card...and then he opened it, and promptly began crying again.

“Oh, no. Rem, you okay?” Dad asked.

“Th-this is...this is...the nicest thing that...th-that anyone has ever done for me...” he held the card close to his chest. “I will cherish this forever. Thank you.”

“Of course!” Patton chirped. “After all, you’re fam!”

“And we definitely love you,” Virgil added.