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goodfully · 1 year

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oh goodness, okay i just finished reading steppenwolf and i just have so many thoughts flying through my head...!!!

okay first of all, it was written in this sort of... endless prose, stream of consciousness way? so it was a bit difficult to read through. but!!! i do love books that feel like a very long train of thought, if that makes sense. it was a whole lot of stuff without pause, and i dont think the actual message of the book clicked until the very end of it (ofc i could also be misinterpreting! but this was just what i got out of it).

hghfjg anyway. it made all the sense the moment i got to the part where mozart was telling harry that what was required of him was "to live and to learn to laugh". if he hadnt said this twice on the same page, i might have not gotten it (i wish i was big brained). ahhghhh thats it!!!!! thats all!!!!!! oh god. learn to let go, learn to not take everything so seriously, learn to take it easy... oh my goodness, literally learn to live laugh love. "how can you say that youve raken any trouble to live when you wont even dance?" maybe its bc i know i tend to live more in my head than i do in real life, but i really appreciated the book.

ngl im a bit confused at whether everything we've read about harry and his self torment and torture and existential crises in the book was really just an illusion or a dream, just like the magic theatre was. like everything we know of harry and what we learned of him could just be something all in harrys head. i think thats what pablo meant by harry misusing the magic theatre and confounding it with reality. the magic theatre, like our mind or subconscious, is... just there. and letting it overwhelm and overshadow our reality... i think that was what harry realized at the very end of the book. that the source of all his pain and suffering was in him all along, not bc of his disconnection from society (and the very upsetting need to participate in that society in order to survive), and he accepts trying over and over to understand himself. most of the book was of how harry felt alienated from mainstream society. but the world could be rearranged in so many ways and so many times, and youll still be you. learn the limitations you put on yourself and... dont be afraid ig.

thats the other big thing from the book, like not to be afraid of yourself and the countless number of selves you have. ive yet to read more of hesse's works, but i think this theme of the multiplicity of the self or how we all have multiple souls is present in a lot of his books. harry was so focused on the two "souls" of his, that were violently against each other. the constant resisting and suppressing of the self isnt ever healthy, and at least i think this book was trying to get at saying to allow yourself to do what you want to do and not be afraid of intensity or of the extremes.

agrhr okay, actually as i read through the book, i was reminded so much of 18-20 year old me. they would have related a lot to harry i think.. haha... its a little frustrating, and honestly emotionally tiring, but i suppose its at least nice knowing ive somewhat grown in the more recent years. it might have just been bc of the circumstances at the time, but agh i lived and thought so much like harry and thought i really knew everything, that life was meaningless and loveless, that id always be doomed to be imprisoned in my flesh, forever empty and unbelonging anywhere as long as i was alive. its embarrassing thinking about it now, how angry i was at the world for how corrupt and unlivable it was and at myself for being too scared to die, despite how badly i wanted to kms. i thought i could never feel at home in reality, and hhh harry saying something about having "an intense longing sometimes to turn to and do something real for once, to be srsly and responsibly active instead of occupying myself forever with nothing but esthetics and intellectual and artistic pursuits." ahghhfh screams i am not harry haller!!!!! but my god, i was, and i was so insufferable.

oh this was very early on in the book but that one paragraph in the treatise about suicides??? "those souls that found the aim of life not in the perfecting and molding of the self, but in liberating themselves by going back to the mother, back to god, back to the all... for they see death and not life as the releaser. they are ready to cast themselves away in surrender and to be extinguished and to go back to the beginning." ahhhghh!!!!!! bashing my head into a wall, why would you say that!!!!!! hesse why are you in my brain hhh

this is pretty insignificant but with how much harry idolized mozart throughout the book, my love for classical music has been rekindled and im honestly having such a good time relistening to my favorite chopin ballades and ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

alright i think ill end here... ive really enjoyed all the books by hesse that ive read so far (besides steppenwolf, just demian and siddhartha so far) and i really hope ill find a copy of narcissus and goldmund someday!!! honestly i think that anytime now i think "uhm well lol! maybe ill just go kms!" after a minor inconvenience, i will probably suddenly remember steppenwolf hahaha

#finished reading #steppenwolf

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lifenodaijobu · 4 years

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Just a little list of my soft Draco obsession

For @vemodalensx

Theres a few here but I’ve left some out since the list was getting a bit long. I might make another list with more.

The list separated between cute Draco and vulnerable Draco just so you can choose whether or not you want a bit of sadness with your softness ^3^

Oh and ofc it goes without saying that the whole list is Bottom Draco hehe

Cute Soft Draco

Flower Crowns (2.4k words)

It started with a single flower 🥀 Draco makes flower crowns for Harry and that is how the whole school finds out about them. A happy dose of Harry with flowers in his hair, and a smitten Draco.

Dreaming of you (21k words)

Harry has nightmares, he wishes for a night when he can sleep without nightmares. What happens when he starts dreaming of Draco Malfoy? Draco left the wizarding world after the war, he's a librarian and lives peacefully in muggle London, what happens when Harry fucking Potter shows up at his work place?

Honey (

Harry is sick of Draco's oh-so-adorable endearments.

The Care and Management of Volatile Veelas

Harry adopts a Veela. He really didn’t mean to.

Quidditch Wife (Part 2)

Theres no real summary for this except for It's got all my favourite guilty pleasures, like protective!Harry and vulnerable!Draco, with a side of jealous!Harry and SportyQuidditch!Harry (and I think the top!Harry rather goes without saying).

All our pieces....fall right into places series

The first story: Draco had had a crush for a while and now that he had Harry in his bed...He was everything that Draco needed.

Trick or Treat

Harry had no idea that he was such a fetishist - a fact which he discovers on Halloween.

Pretty

Harry finds a pair of stockings in the back of their dresser.

The Sweater

After being forced to room together in 8th year, Draco and Harry become friends and decide to continue their living arrangements post Hogwarts. The only problem is, Draco can't seem to stop stealing Harry's clothes.

1095 Roses for a life time

Being woken up by the lips of your boyfriend is always a nice surprise, especially on the morning of yours third anniversary of dating, which leads to hot and passionate morning activity. But all this is just to indulge in themselves, Harry's surprise includes roses and a promise for a lifetime. Will they be the right choice?

Get your kinks out

Harry plays seeker for the Magpies, and he discovers that one of his teammates secretly wears lace panties. What begins as a sexual relationship becomes increasingly complicated by Harry’s fame, Draco’s family, and Harry’s ambivalent feelings about dominating Draco.

Can’t say no

Draco really has the worst friends. When they put a spell on him that he has to say no to everything Harry says.....things don't turn out well.

That time when Harry proposes and gets turned down because of his horrible friends.

What Draco wants

Out of anything a petty fight with Harry Potter could have led to, Draco Malfoy least expected it to end with him bent over a table, questioning his relationship and feelings for Potter, and having the best sex of his life.

Criminal

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?

Things Change

Harry and Draco's friends notice something different about them when they fight. See what they find out when they walk down an empty hallway.

Whats a little veritasium between two sworn enemies?

Draco Malfoy has a nasty habit of always coming across such bad luck no matter where circumstance presents itself and unfortunately that doesn't seem to change when his bloody nemesis Harry Potter over hears him talking about Veritaserum potions in the hallways past curfew. ( It was Pansy fault really)

Harry wants to know what the Slytherin boy is up to, especially with how nervous Malfoy is, but is that ALL Harry wants to know?

Mr Right Now - side note: Cedric/Draco

What do you do when you're feeling down about your ex? Make him jealous! Story features Cedric Diggory and Draco Malfoy trying to win back their loves, but somehow end up falling into each other's arms

For the love a kitten

With Voldemort Dead, life is not easy for Harry as Old friends become enemies and old enemies become friend. With the return of three Slytherins, Harry life is turned upside down.

How to prepare for a wedding night

I have a neighbour. He is stuck in a loveless relationship and an arranged marriage. He has zero experience in bed. He needs my help so that his love life won't suck for the next few decades. He needs a sex teacher. Oh... and the neighbour happens to be Draco freaking Malfoy. And I might be a little tiny bit in love with the git...

Draco's Scent

In which Harry can't be around Draco for long without the boy's stupid smell messing with his mind, and he really, really hates that.

Turn The Heat Up

Wonky Cooling Charms result in interesting revelations

Flirt

Draco and Hermione make a devastating duo at the Ministry as the respective Department Heads of Wizarding Culture Preservation and Muggle Relations. When Harry Potter gets involved in their latest joint project, Draco can’t seem to stop himself from constantly flirting with him even when it doesn’t seem to affect the golden boy at all. He’s wrong. Harry is most definitely affected. Includes Slytherin shenanigans, Draco sucking at quidditch, and Harry trying not to be charmed. Draco POV.

Angsty/Vulnerable Soft Draco

The Draco Malfoy incident - side note: I cried big time

Draco Malfoy is best friends with a Hufflepuff. A HUFFLEPUFF! He's also partnered with a redhead git, trying to hide from an obsessive green-eyed saviour and has become overly fond with sunrises. It's exhausting. Can't a man plan an assassination in peace around here?

I’m not in your dreams

Draco has dreamt with Harry's voice since he was fourteen, so there's no doubt for him about who his soulmate is. Now, in their Eighth Year, Harry has finally dreamt with his soulmate's voice too. The problem is that Draco was born mute.

Yours for the taking

Draco was raised to be the perfect Omega, but there are things even he cannot endure. When he discovers just what Tom Riddle's plans for him are once he's claimed him he is confronted with an impossible decision. Only one thing remains clear: he will never be able to go back home.

Luckily, Harry Potter is there to save the day

Rough on you - side note: Dark Harry. This is more vulnerable Draco than soft Draco so please read the tags before you start the story :) I was unsure whether I wanted to add this here but hey-ho

"I'm the only one that can give you want you really want." Harry spun Draco around and held his arms at his side and he pressed against his back, whispering against his throat. "That can force you, that can humiliate you… that can hurt you, and you want it. You want me."

Harry is having a bad day. Draco just cannot learn to keep his mouth shut. Neither of them would have predicted it would lead to this.

But who guards the dragon?

This is an expansion of my one-shot, It'll be Okay. You don't have to read it first, it will be in the story. Requested. DMHP Sub/Dom relationship. Slash. Don't like, don't read. Harry thinks a few thinks through, then comes into his creature inheritance. He finds out that he is the dominant mate to one Draco Malfoy. But things are never easy for the boy who lived

Taken For Granted

Having pined for Harry for long enough, Draco decided that it was time to give up and move on. What happens when Harry realizes too late what he's lost?

Mourning

Harry returns to school to complete his NEWTs. There he finds a much changed Draco Malfoy and surprisingly subdued Professor Snape.

In your arms, rests my world

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

Inside your mind

Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse.

"I'll Protect You," and you can seal that with an Unbreakable Vow

His friends may tease but Harry doesn't feel bad for keeping a close eye on the Slytherin boy of one Draco Malfoy, after all someone has to do it. So when Harry secretly follows the pure-blood boy out past the courtyard, there's nothing strange or unusual about it; nor is it wrong.

Unfortunately the same can not be said for the scenario Harry accidentally stumbles upon as he can't help but stare in horror. It's not just wrong. It's absolutely despicable and Harry, well, Harry just has to do something about it.

A Big Black Sky

Draco shifts his head as he turns to look at Scorpius, his cheek touching the pillow. "Did you know that…" He pauses, his throat convulsing, and it sounds audible in the silence, besides Michael's steady, even breathing from the other bedroom.

Scorpius is staring back at him, in wait of something new to learn, a beautiful and intelligent child. He has Draco's mind. He has Draco's eyes and nose and mouth and hair. He is his. All his. All he has of Michael are his wild curls and the green of his eyes, and sometimes he looks into them and imagines that they aren't Michael's, but someone else's.

Draco leans his head closer, biting the quiver out of his lips before he breathes a laden and shuddering exhale, and he whispers, "You are my star in a big black sky."

Song To Say Goodbye

Draco should have remembered that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. Somewhere along the way he forgot to always be careful and was left with nothing. It was hard enough getting himself together the first time, can he do it again?

Small spoiler for Song to Say Goodbye below

Its not Drarry Endgame: he ends up with a OMC cuz Harrys a big dickhead

#soft draco #cute draco #vulnerable draco #draco malfoy #harry potter #bottom draco #drarry #fic rec #drarry fic rec

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holylulusworld · 5 years

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Dark days of our past

Request: Would you please write for Bucky & reader, wherein he's in love with Natasha but is forced to marry reader, he's never home ignores her even when she tries hard. She even has to work as a waitress for money, one-night Brock tries to rape her, Steve arrives just in time and saves her. They become good friends. It's on you if you want her to stay with Bucky or get married to Steve. It could be an au where they are not Avengers.

Pairing: Mobster!Bucky x Reader, Mobster!Steve x Reader (platonic), Arianna, Sam Wilson, Clint Barnes, OFC’s

Warnings: angst, blood, scared reader, violence, characters death (implied), shot wounds, torture, language, violence

Consolation Bride Masterlist

When you wake up your head feels heavy and your throat is dry. You don’t want to open your eyes when you hear someone groaning, obviously in pain.

“Look who finally woke up, Steve. Your best buddies little wife…” Arianna chuckles striding toward you, a bloody knife in her hand.

Your eyes round seeing the blood, Steve’s blood dripping down the knife. Shaking you look at Steve. He’s bound to a chair, one eye swollen, his left arm cut open he spits blood onto the floor.

“Let her go, Arianna. Y/N has nothing to do with this shit. She was only sixteen, a young girl when this happened.” Steve tries to get you out of here, tries to make sure the woman wielding the bloody knife in front of your face won’t torture you too.

“Why should I let James Buchanan Barnes's wife go? Huh?” Mocking Steve Arianna turns around to hit his nose, causing him to groan in pain. It’s already broken but the woman kidnapping you and Steve won’t stop hitting it.

“What do you want?” Bucky is struggling against the ropes holding him to a chair, his eyes dart between his best friend and you. “I thought you are in Italy…”

“Oh, I was to kill Maria Hill. Do you remember the hot brunette? Hmm…” Now Arianna walks toward Bucky, swaying her hips. Towering over your husband she presses the tip of the knife into his shoulder. “The chick you fucked after little Y/N over there got sent to Paris…”

“What did you do?” Eyes cold Bucky tries anything to get his hands free. He can see what Arianna did to Steve. Bucky knows what happened to Maria and the others. He can’t let anything happen to you too.

“I had my revenge, James.” Pecking Bucky’s cheek, she presses the knife further into his shoulder, twisting it but James doesn’t even flinch. “I killed everyone you ever liked or worked with. Maria…Marcos…Pietro and sweet Wanda. Your brother is already dead so I couldn’t get hold of him but…” Now Arianna chuckles devilish. “I got your best friend and your wife. Who shall I kill first?”

“I got no clue why you are doing this, but I swear I’ll kill you if you touch my girl,” Steve warns and Arianna cocks a brow.

“Your girl, Rogers? Is this a sick polyamorous relationship?”

“No! She’s only mine. Bucky never wanted her, Arianna. Whatever you are holding against Bucky, Y/N means nothing to him.” Steve tries to buy Bucky time. Tries to distract Arianna long enough to get you out of this nightmare.

“He doesn’t love her…awe…poor girl…” Glancing over her shoulder she sees the tears well up your eyes. A hint of pity crosses her face before she turns her attention toward Steve again. “Then I’ll just kill you right here and now. Slit little unwanted Y/N’s throat open before I take care of James over there.”

Steve growls when she slides her knife over his arm once again. “Why are you doing this?” Your question caught her attention and she let go of Steve, turning around to walk toward your chair.

“James over there killed my beloved brother. I don’t know why, as your father refused to answer this question before he died…” Arianna smirks at the gasp leaving your lips. “Oh, I forgot to mention I killed Daddy, sorry…” She coos patting your head before she slides her knife over your thighs, drawing blood.

“Leave her be!” Steve is struggling to not lose consciousness, nodding at Bucky as his friend tries to distract Arianna. “I thought you do not love her…” Arianna starts smiling as she walks toward James. “Was that a lie, Barnes?”

Grabbing Bucky’s jaw, she forces him to look up at her as he shakes his head. “I don’t even like her. She’s only a rat stealing my leftovers but her empire, her fathers’ legacy could be mine as Y/N is my wife.” Bucky lies, praying she will fall for his lie.

“What a pity, pretty girl. Loving a man not wanting you…” Arianna is turning around once again, walking toward your position she drops the knife to get her gun out. “I’ll save you, Y/N. Make it all go away…”

“If you let her go, I’ll tell you why I killed your brother…” Bucky gasps seeing her gun aimed to your forehead. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” James is glancing at Steve who is slowly loosening the bindings holding his wrists.

“He just saved your life, little girl…” Arianna chuckles turning her attention toward Bucky. “Now tell me everything.”

Steve nods, silently begging his friend to distract Arianna longer so he can get out of the ropes. “I was jealous of your brother. He had so many sexy girls back then, was a ladies man. One day, he wanted Natasha and I got mad.” Bucky lies. If he tells her about you, she will kill you.

“Hmm…why didn’t Y/N’s father tell me so? He told me about that night, your brother and that he helped you. He said that you made a deal too.” Arianna eyes Bucky suspiciously when he glances at you gulping. “Her father, he forced me into a loveless marriage. I had to give up Natasha for her. That was his price.” Bucky gasps seeing Steve slipped one hand out.

“Why did you have to kill him, Barnes?” Her eyes darken seeing the look Bucky gives you.

“I had no choice. We fought, he had a knife and it just happend. I shouldn’t have been there; this is all my fault. Kill me but let Steve and her go. I’ll take the blame for everything. My brother is dead, just like Y/N’s father. Only I’m left…” Arianna points her gun at Bucky’s head and a tiny whimper leaves your lips, catching her attention.

“Awe…she loves you, James. Such a drama!” Loving the game, she’s playing Arianna walks toward you. She can hear Bucky breathing heavily the moment she grabs the shotgun from a table. “You know, your father refused to tell me the reason why James killed my beloved brother but I can count one and one…” She smirks down at you, aiming the shotgun to your chest. “YOU…”

“No, please let her go. I’ll do anything. I give you my empire, money and my life but let her go…” Steve’s eyes round hearing Bucky begging for your life.

“Everything?” She coos now, toying with James as she passes Steve who is freeing his other hand, nodding at you.

“Everything…I lov…” Before Bucky can end his sentence a bullet hits his body.

He doesn’t know what hits him when the shotgun almost rips his left arm off his body. Losing consciousness, he calls your name before another gunshot echoes through the hangar.

----

“Please, tell me anything! How is he? Is he alive…dead…” Gasping you watch the nurse fixing the wound at your thigh. You barely feel the pain too busy to slowly lose your mind.

“Ma’am, I can’t tell you anything. I’m not a doctor.” The nurse tries and you ball your hands into fists. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N! My father just died or rather he got murdered. This means I’m the only one left to take over his empire.” The nurse turns pale hearing your father’s name as you keep on yelling.

“I had to watch this crazy whore torturing my best friend and shooting my husband. Not to mention she aimed more than one gun at my head. You will move your lazy ass and get a doctor here right now or my men will take care of you!”

“Y/N, thank god…” Sam is storming into the room, nodding at Clint who called him after he traced his boss’s phone. “Sam, do you know anything? How is he?”

“They don’t want to tell me anything. Not a family member and crap.” Sam is watching the nurse rushing out of the room, almost crashing into Steve.

“Man, you look like shit.” Clint teases.

“I had better days for sure.” Steve deadpans slowly limping toward your hospital bed. “How are you, Y/N?”

“How am I? You look like you had twenty rounds with Mike Tyson and ask me how I’m?” Steve is patting your thigh, glancing at Clint. “Do you know anything about Buck?”

“They don’t want to tell me anything. I’m his wife! I got the right to know if my husband is still alive!” Yelling once again you give the doctor entering your room a death glare.

“Mrs. Barnes, can we talk in private?” The doctor tries but you shake your head. “Sam and Clint are my cousins and Steve is part of my family too. You can tell me anything in front of these men.”

“You see…” Clearing his throat the doctor glances at the gun Sam is trying to hide underneath his jacket. “We tried anything but…” Your lips start quivering seeing the fear all over the doctor’s face. “We couldn’t save his left arm. The damage was so extensive all nerves got destroyed, just like the bones. In the end, we had to amputate that member.”

“Wait! He lost his arm…?” Sam is glancing at your stoic face as you try to let the doctor’s words sink in. “He’ll need a prosthesis, but we are positive he will survive.”

“He will survive…” Steve is squeezing your hand, nodding. “I’ll call Tony. His company is well known for its technology. He designed a leg for a friend some years ago.”

“Okay…can you call him right now. I need to tell Bucky something…” Sniffling you get up to let Sam lead you out of the room. “Sam, call all our men, including my fathers. Arianna is dead, but her father and cousins are still alive. She didn’t do this alone…”

“You are telling me to kill them all?” Sam glances at you as you look up at him. “Dad refused to tell her I was the reason Bucky killed her brother; Bucky did the same. I’ll avenge them. My husband will need some time to recover, my father is dead.”

“I’ll make the calls.”

“Sam?”

“Yes…?”

“I’ll take over my father’s empire and Bucky’s for the time being. Prepare everything to make sure we can strike back. Hard. Merciless. Bloody.”

Sam nods, watching you straighten your back as you limp toward your husband’s hospital room.

Your whole posture changed and he can hold back the smile as you push the nurse away who tries to stop you from entering Bucky’s room.

“Hell of a woman.” Clint chuckles. “Shall I call our men too, boss?” Steve nods, grinning at the nurse as she passes by. “I guess we have a new boss in town…”

All works Tags

@yolobloggers, @meganywinchester, @shikshinkwon, @miraclesoflove , @mogaruke, @shatteredabby, @soryuwifeyxx, @letsdisneythings, @i-love-superhero, @psychicforest

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore, @notyourtypicalrose, @voltage-my2dlove, @thedoctorscamanion, @officialmarvelwhore, @randomgirlkensy, @juniorhuntersam, @lumar014, @doctorswife221b, @sister-winchesters99, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog, @the-soulofdevil, @chonisberonica , @redroomproperty

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@hhiggs, @roonyxx, @stylesismyhubs, @multisuperfandom, @mrspeacem1nusone, @shadowcatsworld , @fallenoutofrose

Consolation Bride Tags

@booktease21, @mc225g, @i-alyssa, @retrxbarnes, @cloudyskylines, @plums-and-peaches, @thisartemisnevermisses, @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark, @donteatmycookiesplease, @aruvdreeh, @scarlett-berserker @secretsihideinside

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fizzyxcustard · 5 years

Text

Thoughts Of You (Part 2)

Part 1

Fandom: Richard Armitage RPF

Summary: From the imagine of ‘Imagine Richard is in a loveless relationship but can’t stop thinking about you’. In the first part, Richard broke up with his girlfriend, forcing her to leave their shared apartment. Now Richard is looking forward to seeing you. Part 2 requested by @patanghill17 @legolaslovely and @deepestfirefun

Pairings: Richard Armitage x Fem!Reader, Richard Armitage x OFC

Warnings: Angst, yearning, requited love (but not acted on), swearing, text harassment, mentions of overweight!reader, insecurity

Word count: 1379

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be added to my tag lists for a particular fandom, character, or even everything, please send me an ask or a private message and I will add you. This idea actually came into my head from looking at a GIF set of Lucas North. Your background with Richard and also the woman he’s with have been left open for you to fill in your own gaps.

Music inspiration/listened to for this piece: Piano music and rain sounds (3-hour video), found here.

Masterlist of fan fiction here

As she left that night, taking only her essentials for now, and crying the whole way to the door, Richard tried not to look. She had mascara in streaks down her cheeks, paired with glistening tears. “Please, Rich,” she begged again, hesitantly reaching for the door knob.

“Just leave,” Richard said coldly, opening the door for her.

He watched her depart, the beginning of the end. No doubt she would come begging him to forgive her when she visited to pick up the remainder of her possessions. But Richard had already got a hard resolve in his gut. She would not sway him. The door was now open for him to follow his heart and seek out your light.

***

Your flight got into JFK airport the next morning. As all the passengers filed off, you yawned, bracing yourself for the immigration queue that was about to ensue. New York had always been one of your favourite destinations and whenever your work needed someone to visit, you were always the first to offer your help and volunteer to go. In actual fact, most of the time now, no one was even asked, apart from you. Your boss made sure your name was put forward.

Midtown Manhattan was to be your home for ten days, and you took the cab from JFK, like you normally did, to your hotel. It was the same place you always stayed; middle of the road, not too extravagant, but clean, with friendly staff and was somewhere you found comfortable.

When you had checked in, you made your way up to your room on the third floor, trailing your suitcase behind you. In the elevator, you shared the space with a young couple who were more interested in the taste of each other’s faces than you. You blushed and looked down, trying not to take too much notice of their public displays of affection. Instead you looked at your reflection in the mirror and looked down sadly. Slightly overweight. Nothing special.

It seemed like an age passed until there was the familiar ping!

The room was clean, the smell of polish and fresh sheets still hanging in the air.

The first thing you did, like always, was throw yourself on the bed, testing out the mattress. Ahh, Memory Foam! Always able to send you to sleep within minutes.

Your iPhone chimed loudly. You were hoping it was Richard, but instead it was an unknown number.

You’ve fucked with the wrong bitch. I know you’re seeing him behind my back.

What on earth? Seeing who? The number was international, so it was someone abroad, no doubt from the States.

Another text chimed.

Ha! You are one ugly bastard!

Your heart began to race, pounding and sending heat all around your body. Tears were threatening to fall down your cheeks in both anger and sadness. Whoever would be sending you these disgusting insults?

And another text.

You are seriously joking to think he’d want you over me?

Were these texts even meant for you? Your hands shaking and you holding back sobs, you blocked the number.

Rain was falling outside your window now, and not even that relaxing, calm sound could cure you of the hurt and disrupted nerves. You sat down on the end of the bed, resting your hands on your thighs and let the tears fall. You knew you were ugly, fat and the kind of woman most men walked past without a second glance. And here you were, waiting to see Richard, an actor and absolutely beautiful man in all ways. What kind of planet were you living on to think he’d everconsider you?

As if on cue, your phone began to ring and Richard’s name flashed upon the screen.

“Umm, h…hello,” you stuttered, trying to gather your nerves and thoughts together properly.

“Are you okay?” his voice came back, concerned for you. He must have noticed the tremor in your voice.

And you sobbed, unable to hold it back anymore.

“Love, what’s wrong?” his voice came again. “Do you want me to come to you?”

“N…no. Don’t put yourself out for me, Rich. I’ll come and see you later. I just…”

“Just, what?” Richard pressed.

“Nothing,” you said softly. You sniffed, trying to push your hurt away. “Are you alright?”

“No, you’re not doing your usual and diverting the conversation,” Richard replied, chuckling.

His chuckle made you smile.

“I’ll get a cab up to you. Are you in the same hotel as usual?”

“Yes,” you replied. “I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

“Give me half an hour, and I’ll be with you.”

What you would give for this man to be a permanent part of your life. To feel his kindness every day, be enveloped by his compassion and held steadfast by his faithful nature. But he belonged to someone else.

Like always, you were early. You sat in a leather seat in the lobby, sipping quickly on a free coffee you had made yourself by reception. It was bitter, but decent enough for a free beverage. The rain began to pound against the panes, and soon hailstones hit the ground outside, bouncing. Pedestrians rushed on past, some dashing inside the hotel for temporary refuge from the terrible weather.

Then you saw him. Dressed in jeans, an open neck navy shirt and his usual white trainers. That smile.

You stood up and he stopped in front of you, his arms twitching at his sides.

Richard felt his breath become caught in his lungs. Your eyes looked swollen, the window to a crushed spirit. “Are you alright?” he asked, his hand reaching out a little and then dropping back at his side.

“N…not really,” you replied.

“Come on,” he said, his hand reaching out for you to follow him. “Do you want to go back to your room or shall we get a drink in the restaurant?”

“Can we go back to my room because I’ll probably start crying again,” you replied, swallowing hard.

Richard remained silent as you both made your way back upstairs to floor three. You noticed the concierge eyeing you both as you disappeared into the elevator.

In the room and you sat down on the edge of the bed. “I haven’t even unpacked anything yet,” you told him.

Richard took out the chair which accompanied a small desk in front of your mirror and wheeled it to in front of you. He sat down, his knees only inches away from yours. You noticed his hands were resting at the very end of his knees as if wanting to reassure you and take yours in his.

“I had some really nasty text messages, saying I was ugly and that this person knew I was seeing someone behind their back,” you said. Tears rolled down your cheeks again. “They said they’d seen me and something about him wanting me over them. I have no idea…”

“What was the number?” Richard asked suddenly, his face having grown contorted into an expression of anger. “Show me the number.”

“I don’t know…I blocked it.”

“Please, show me the number…”

You grabbed your phone and brought up the blocked numbers.

Richard’s jaw clenched. “The fucking bitch,” he growled.

“What?”

“Miranda!” Richard hissed. “She got your number off my phone.”

“Your girlfriend?” you asked. Why was Richard’s girlfriend texting you?

“Not anymore. We broke up last night. That smashing you heard in the background, that was her. She’d been looking at my phone and it was the last straw. I’m going to…”

“Rich, calm down,” you said, taking his hand.

Richard looked down at your hands and tightened his own grip around yours. “I won’t let her get away with this. She doesn’t hurt you. No one does. I’d wanted to break it off with her for some time, last night being the reason I could use, but at the bottom of it all, it was because of you.”

“Me?”

Was Richard leaning in to you? His head was coming closer, until you felt his lips on yours. You took a huge intake of air, completely thrown off guard by this situation. Richard’s stubble tickled your skin and you smiled beneath the kiss. His hand cupped your cheek, his thumb wiping away your tears.

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Mickey Milkovich Masterlist *updated 2/15/21*

NONE OF THESE ARE MINE!!! I did NOT write any of these! I believe they are amazing fanfics, written by insanely talented people, and deserve to be shared. ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE AUTHORS!!!

Gallavich

I Close My Eyes and Wait for the Echo by milominderbinder(Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Five times Mickey protects various members of the Gallagher clan, and one time they all return the favour.

Family Doesn’t End In Blood by psychicdreamsandangelwings (Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Mickey loves the Gallaghers, even if he doesn’t show it. He’ll never admit this to anyone, but he’s never felt as good anywhere as he does when he’s surrounded by Gallaghers. They’re loud and obnoxious and so damned annoying Mikey could kill himself, but he can be himself around them. He loves them, there’s no other way to explain it. So when people fuck with them, he takes it as a personal attack against his family. And nobody fucks with Mickey’s family.Or the one where Mickey is overly protective of the Gallaghers and doesn’t take nicely to those who harm them.

Take Me In by MintSauce(Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Mickey’s Dad finds out about Mickey being gay and even though Ian’s not there, but he finds the Gallaghers are still willing to take Mickey in

You Feel Like Home by Bex90 (Gallavich) Mickey has a panic attack on a crowded train and Ian’s there to help him through it.

Bullets, Blunts and Baseball by ronandhermy (Gallavich) Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich have been best friends since Little League, everyone on the South Side knew that. They didn’t know that it was bound to become something more.

Once a Gallagher [part one, part two, part three] by merle_p (Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Debbie and Lip look at him. Then they look at each other. Then they look back at him. “They said there was a lot of blood when the ambulance came,” Lip finally says. “We didn’t know what had happened. Figured we should stop by and see if you made it.” He shrugs awkwardly. “How you were doing.” “Huh,” Mickey says. He can hear what Lip is saying, and there is probably a world out there where his words make sense. Mickey is pretty certain that this is not that world.

Anywhere Out Of This Place by cantfuckinbelievethis (Gallaghers & Milkovichs)(Gallavich)(AU) When Monica decides to moves her family away from the trouble that could follow another one of Frank’s fuck ups, eleven-year-old Fiona has one condition: the Milkoviches are coming with them. Or an AU where the Milkoviches and Gallaghers grow up together in the same house.

Is There Somewhere by andchaos (Gallavich)(Soulmate AU) In a universe where everyone has their soulmate’s first words to them on their hip, Mickey is born with no Words at all. He grows up confused, scared, and committed to a life of loveless flings - and then he meets Ian Gallagher, a mute boy that won’t stop getting under his skin.

I’ll Fight For You Tonight by bellafarella (Gallavich) Can you write A fix where in Fiona has A new boyfriend who’s gay, and he knows Ian from the white swallow but waits till their alone to address it. He try to rape Ian and then in the midst of it all Mickey comes in and gets all protective and towards the end their gripping each other like a life line. -Fiona doesn’t know her boyfriend is gay-

I Lost My Voice, You Lost Your Mind by bellafarella (Gallavich)(Mickey & Liam) Ok just something with ian & mickey trying to get liam to talk since the whole episode with him getting into fiona coke. He’s still not talking everyone assumes it’s bcos of the coke.

It’s Going To Be Okay. I’ve Got This. I Promise. by Illyah (Gallavich) “Okay you two, someone needs to tell me exactly what the fuck happened, and I want to know, now.” Lip said, staring between the two, waiting to see who would answer him first. Lip had never seen a serious look on Iggy’s face the entire time they’d known each other, but he looked Lip straight in the eyes and said “Terry.” “Shit, fuck, Jesus, Goddamnit.” Lip cursed under his breath before turning to Amanda’s horrified parents, almost to the door at this point. “Yes, your delicate sensibilities are more fucking important than the half dead teenager on the table. Jesus fucking Christ.” He fumed, shaking his head. “Please, just continue to stand there and look fucking scared.” Then back to Iggy, “Terry did this? Why? I thought you guys were all at Yev’s thing?”

One Milkovich at a Time [part one, part two, part three, part four] by dreamerbydawn (Gallavich)(Ian & Milkovich Family) Iggy Milkovich wants to know what it is about Ian Gallagher that makes his siblings act like they were addicted to him. Maybe he wants to make a friend along the way too.

Queen of Decatur by jaxington(Gallavich) “Fiona’s probably gonna do ninety days.” “Fuck,” Mickey replies. “Where?” “Decatur Correctional. Where the hell is that?” “Three hours out of the city.” Mickey sits with his back to the wall, legs dangling over the side of the bed. Lighting a cigarette would only earn him another lecture, so he slicks back his hair just for something to do with his hands. “How’d you know that?” Ian asks, smelling chum in the water, the observant little fuck. “Not like your brothers are getting sent to lady prison all that often.” Mickey thumbs at his lip, trying to find a way out of this conversation. It probably wouldn’t be too hard to distract Ian just by taking of his pants, but he is trying this new thing where he actually tells Ian what’s going on in his head. “No.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s my mom.”

Melánia by milominderbinder(Gallavich) A lot’s changed in the two years since Ian and Mandy ran off. Terry’s dead, Svetlana’s moved out, the Kash and Grab has started stocking blue Gatorade – oh, and Mickey’s been raising his brother’s baby ever since Tony went to jail. But when he realizes he might be stuck with the kid for good, Mickey decides to move out of Chicago and actually give her a chance in life. And it’s the couple of familiar faces he finds when he gets to Philly that really set change in motion.

Pimped [part one, part two, part three, part four] by Mrs_Monaghan (Gallavich)(AU) Mickey’s life is pretty good if he does say so himself. He’s living in Evanston Illinois. It’s not exactly that far from Chicago, but it’s far enough. He’s away from his asshole father, and can live the way he wants in this city that no one knows him. He’s been here six years now and has been running a successful pimping business for two of those. He’s got an office, a car and a pretty nice two bedroom apartment where he lives with his sister whom he brought with. Life is the same and a little uneventful. That is until he brings on a new addition Ian Gallagher.

Frank Fucking Gallagher by sleepyfaceandsnark (Sleepyfaceandsnark) (Gallavich) Frank steals Ian’s pills and Mickey finds out.

Fosterviches by cantfuckinbelievethis (Gallavich) A fic surrounding a OFC living in a foster home who accidentally catches Ian and Mickey together and ends up with Ian, Mickey, and Mandy in her life.

Anywhere Out This Place by cantfuckinbelievethis When Monica decides to moves her family away from the trouble that could follow another one of Frank’s fuck ups, eleven-year-old Fiona has one condition: the Milkoviches are coming with them. Or an AU where the Milkoviches and Gallaghers grow up together in the same house.

Does Your Heart Still Burn For Me? by Highwaytoyes Its been 16 years since Ian left Mickey. It had been hard, but mickey managed to move on. When he got out of prison, he made sure that he was the best father he could be. He never forgot the redheaded Gallagher though.When a fire breaks out, and Yevgeny is caught inside, who should come to his rescue but his father’s old flame? When Yev recovers, he vows to join his father and the man that caught his heart again.

No One is Completely Fearless by Fallenstar92 Even if he can shoot a gun or yell at the top of his lungs, Mickey Milkovich isn’t a fan of loud noises. Or, five times Ian sees Mickey react and the one time he knows why.

Barricade by devovitsuasartes(AU) Ian is in Chicago. Mickey is in Mexico. But there’s nothing like the end of the world to bring people closer together. a.k.a.The zombie apocalypse story that no one asked for.

His Fucking Family by orphan_account Fuck it, he’s had enough of this emotional crap for one day. There’s only so much a guy can damn well take. Especially a fucking Milkovich. But dammit, he’s spent enough time wallowing alone in his own misery to know how much it fucking sucksOr, 6 times Mickey Milkovich is there for a Gallagher +1 time they're all there for him.

A Real Family by Dragon_in_Disguise Mickey never had the best family, and he’s fully aware of this fact. With his alcoholic and drunk father, his criminal cousins, his drop-out of an older brother, and his whore of a younger sister, Mickey never got a good hold on what a family was supposed to be like. He never got that experience where you sit together as a family and eat dinner, never could get excited about anything so small like school grades without being called a pussy, and forget ever going to anybody in his family for relationship advice when no one could hold one and the fact he’s completely gay.So when Ian Gallagher comes into his life and tugs him into his own fucked up family, Mickey’s not sure how to take this all in.

I Hate Rapists Too by Dragon_in_Disguise Iggy closes his eyes, sighing heavily. “I’m gonna kill him.”"Huh?"“I’m gonna get Colin, gonna grab my fucking shotgun, and blow his fucking brains out."When Ian tells Iggy what Terry has done to his two youngest siblings, Iggy finally snaps.

and it's alright by biblionerd07 Mickey doesn't know how or when it happened, but at some point he became the guy people turn to for help

Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family

Once a Gallagher [part one, part two, part three] bymerle_p(Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Debbie and Lip look at him. Then they look at each other. Then they look back at him. “They said there was a lot of blood when the ambulance came,” Lip finally says. “We didn’t know what had happened. Figured we should stop by and see if you made it.” He shrugs awkwardly. “How you were doing.” “Huh,” Mickey says. He can hear what Lip is saying, and there is probably a world out there where his words make sense. Mickey is pretty certain that this is not that world.

Glad He’s Family by brave_little_toaster (Mickey & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich) Ian freaks out and has an anxiety attack. Mickey races to his side and comforts his disressed boyfriend, impressing the rest of his guilty family who didn’t know how to help.

I Close My Eyes and Wait for the Echo bymilominderbinder (Mickey Milkovich & Gallagher Family)(Gallavich)Five times Mickey protects various members of the Gallagher clan, and one time they all return the favour.

Mickey & Debbie

World War Gallagher by presleyj (Debbie & Mickey) Mickey walks into the Gallagher house one night and right into the middle of a massive fight between Debbie & Carl. Once Carl storms out, Mickey is left with a distraught teenage girl who he has no idea what to do with. Mickey tries to help her in his own way.

You Can Do Better by Fallenstar92 (Mickey & Debbie & Ian) When Debbie's boyfriend breaks up with her, she turns to Mickey and Ian for comfort.

Talk To Me by brokenpromisesandhope (Debbie & Mickey) Debbie and Mickey text each other.

His Favorite Gallagher by MCRmyGeneral (Debbie & Mickey) "Debbie was by far his least favorite Gallagher." Not all the Gallaghers are so welcoming when Mickey shows up for Ian.

Always by bellafarella(Gallavich)(Mickey & Debbie) I was hoping I could ask a prompt where Mickey has a really cute moment with Debbie and does something special for her and Ian sees without Mickey realizing so he does something special for him to thank him without telling him he knew what he did. Or something.

Mickey & Liam

Count on Me by dementorsatemysoup (Mickey Milkovich & Liam Gallagher) Mickey unintentionally bonds with Liam.

notes on the many different kinds of monsters, and the knights who fight them off by milominderbinder (Mickey Milkovich & Liam Gallagher) When Mickey goes down to the Gallagher kitchen in the middle of the night, he finds Liam, scared and hiding from another nightmare. And he comforts him, because Mickey knows what being scared is like. But Liam’s not the only one fighting monsters that night.

#Shameless #archive of our own #mickey milkovich #masterlist #gallavich #shameless fanfic #shameless fanfiction #mickey milkovich fanfic #mickey milkovich fanfiction #gallavich fanfic #gallavich fanfiction #mickey milkovich x Ian Gallagher #mickey milkovich & gallagher family #mickey milkovich & debbie gallagher #shameless masterlist #mickey milkovich masterlist

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