#OCD is kind of fascinating in the sense that it's a mental illness but it's also highly physiological & can be triggered by viruses

[antigonescholar]

sometimes i'm like hmmm it's shitty luck that I have both EDS & OCD but then other times i really don't think it's coincidental at all

[jakowskis]

Loved ‘an ugly picture, you & me’ so so much. Srsly I read it like 10 times and still won’t get tired of it. It’s such a great piece of writing. Now my question: Do you already if ur gonna post more Torchwood fanfic?? (no pressure obv, writing is so so hard and I admire everyone who actually manages to finish their stories).

oh my goodness thank you so much 🥺 that means the world to me im so glad you liked it so much

man ok so. heres the thing. djkfds aaa idek how to talk abt this it makes me feel stupid fdshkfj. basically i have dx'd ocd and it affects my writing process a Lot. im exceptionally critical n perfectionistic when it comes to my writing, and when my ocd's at its worse, i can reread things literally hundreds of times. this makes my editing process a fucking nightmare. an ugly picture was... a Journey, i wrote the bulk of it in like a month or two bc i was Inspired, and that period of inspiration just flowing was super nice - but then i spent literally half a year obsessing over editing and figuring out a few sections i couldnt get to work and it was. rlly rlly unhealthy and messy. like that was a stereotypical Mentally Ill Artist™ moment for me 😭 i was unmedicated during that process and honestly im still impressed with myself for managing to finish and post it anyway.

and after posting it... this might not make sense unless u have ocd but that fic is, like, tainted in my head, and im not allowed to touch it as a result. which is RLLY fucking annoying and sad bc i wrote it for Me and it was a labor of love yanno, and i am proud of it, like during writing i was like 'man this is one of the best things ive written, im genuinely proud of this' and ive gotten some absolutely wonderful reception - but i cant exactly place why, idk if it was the torment of the editing process or a fear of experiencing that specific brand of anxiety again (if i reread it and run into errors it might kill me 😭)... either way at this point in time im legitimately unable to revisit that fic. and its been like this since i posted it, so... for nearly five months ;-; and im kind of having a similar experience with torchwood as a whole tbh. like my whole fandom experience + relationship with this fixation has been bastardized to all hell bc of ocd issues. it all feels very... dirty right now.

which fucking sucks, cuz torchwood's one of my fav fixations ive ever had, it became so important to me so fast and it's probably hit special interest territory at this point - but it sucks what a thin line it is between obsessing over a hyperfixation, and compulsively engaging with something. it sucks when the serotonin u get from smth also gets laced with pervasive anxiety. my recent main issue with ocd has been avoidance - i went from obsessively going thru torchwood clips to being unable to watch it at all bc the very thought of doing so makes me so anxious.

(so, tldr? my mental illness garbage is interfering w my interests and my ability to engage with fandom, to my chagrin, and that's why i haven't posted anything else.)

that being said: between april 2023 and now i have written 180k words of torchwood fanfic. im endlessly fascinated and inspired by these characters, particularly by owen who has lowkey proven to be my muse lol. (he sits in my mind palace on top of a, like, literal fancy ass corinthian pedestal and his one job is to sit still n look pretty and sad but instead he snarks down at me every time i walk passed and in return i squirt a water gun at him and occasionally throw tomatoes at him. it's a very mutually loving relationship.) and 180k words in, and literally hundreds of hours spent thinking about and talking about tw/owen, and im still fascinated by it/him, there are still soooo many things i wanna explore through writing with these characters that i adore so much. 57k of the 180k words is part of what will eventually be a sequel series to an ugly picture (which is meant to be a stand-alone, for the record, but towards the end of the writing process i went "Hm. Actually I Have More Ideas", and it became a whole 'verse heh). problem is i dont rmr the fic enough to continue the first sequel and currently i cant revisit it and take notes 🤡 so that project's on hold. as for the other stuff, it's a good mix of misc one-shots and full-on projects, and several things are pretty much done and could, if i were anyone else, easily be polished and posted.

but, as ive made clear, unfortunately writing (well, revising + editing) is an absolute nightmare for me. now, im recently back on medication after nearly two years of rawdogging it, and ive been having issues with that fff (namely constant pervasive exhaustion) - but im working to figure out a happy medium, so im HOPING, hell, praying, that once i level out ill be able to open my docs and sit down and finish things without it being a goddamn ordeal. editing's not rlly fun for anyone, but it fucking sucks when your absolute favorite hobby + mode of expression gets terrorized by a wiggity wack disorder.

first order of business, once im able, is a 15k owen/andy fic that's literally 90% done. i wanted to post it in june, for pride month, and then my brain decided to convince me i wasnt being coherent in the slightest and i was like, nah, i cannot make myself soldier through the editing project this time, i dont want this to get ruined the same way. but hopefully soon i can drop that and it will be epic and such 😎

so in summation uh (sorry im a known babbler fdshk but this is what happens when u send an ask to someone who wrote a 30k fic where literally nothing happens KJFSD. also sorry for literally trauma dumping unprompted 😭 i did the white woman in the kmart thing) ive written a ton of torchwood fic and i 100% intend to write a ton more but mental illness garbage is trying to sabotage shit so basically im taking a break from trying to post any of it until my brain lets me enjoy my damn interest in relative peace 👍but i definitely have a lot more fic on the way. just might take a while for it to see the light of day. hopefully not that long

anyway thank you again so so so much for liking the fic enough to read it multiple times that means so much to meee. i hope to have more for u soon :))

[xtruss]

Many Mental-Health Conditions Have Bodily Triggers! Psychiatrists Are At Long Last Starting To Connect The Dots

— April 24th, 2024

Illustration: The Economist/Getty Images

The tics started when Jessica Huitson was only 12 years old. Over time her condition worsened until she was having whole-body fits and being rushed to hospital. But her local hospital, in Durham, England, was dismissive, suggesting she had anxiety, a mental-health condition, and that she was probably spending too much time watching videos on TikTok. Her mother describes the experience as “belittling”. In fact, Jessica had an autoimmune condition brought on by a bacterial infection with Streptococcus. The condition is known as Paediatric Autoimmune-Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcus (pandas). When the infection was identified and treated, her symptoms finally began to improve.

Ms Huitson is not alone in having a dysfunction in the brain mistaken for one in the mind. Evidence is accumulating that an array of infections can, in some cases, trigger conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, tics, anxiety, depression and even psychosis. And infections are one small piece of the puzzle. It is increasingly clear that inflammatory disorders and metabolic conditions can also have sizeable effects on mental health, though psychiatrists rarely look for them. All this is symptomatic of large problems in psychiatry.

A revised understanding could have profound consequences for the millions of people with mental-health conditions that are currently poorly treated. For example, over 90% of patients with bipolar disorder will have recurrent illness during their lives; and in children with obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd) over 46% do not achieve remission. Some 50-60% of patients with depression eventually respond after trying many different drugs.

For some in the profession, a deeper understanding of the biology of mental health, tied to clear biological fingerprints of the kind that might come from a laboratory test, will lead to more accurate diagnoses and better targeted treatments.

Shrinks, Rapped

The field of psychiatry has historically been focused around the description and classification of symptoms, rather than on underlying causes. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (dsm), sometimes known as the bible of psychiatry, emerged in 1952 and contains descriptions, symptoms and diagnostic criteria. On the one hand, it has brought helpful consistency to diagnosis. But on the other, it has grouped patients into cohorts without any sense of the underlying mechanisms behind their conditions. There is so much overlap between the symptoms of depression and anxiety, for example, that some wonder if these are actually even separate categories of illness. At the same time, depression and anxiety come in many different subtypes—panic disorder with and without agoraphobia, for example, are distinct diagnoses—not all of which may be meaningfully distinct. This can lead to patient groups in drug trials being so diverse that drugs and therapies fail simply because the cohort being studied has too little in common.

Previous attempts to find causal mechanisms for mental-health conditions have run into difficulty. In 2013 the National Institute of Mental Health, an American government agency, made a heroic gamble to move away from research based on the dsm’s symptom-based categories. Money was funnelled into basic research on disease processes of the brain, hoping to directly connect genes to behaviours. Some $20bn of new research was funded but the idea failed spectacularly—most of the genes uncovered had tiny effects. Allen Frances, a professor of psychiatry at Duke University, calls the search for such biomarkers “a fascinating intellectual adventure, but a complete clinical flop”.

Genes alone are clearly not the answer. Ludger Tebartz van Elst, a professor of psychiatry and psychotherapy at the University Hospital Freiburg, in Germany, says that many different conditions such as schizophrenia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (adhd), anxiety and autism can be triggered by the same genetic disorder, 22q11.2, caused by the loss of a small piece of chromosome 22.

Despite this counsel of misery, a shift in psychiatry is potentially on the horizon. Some of this is coming from a revived interest in finding neurological biomarkers with ever-more sophisticated technology. In addition, there is a greater understanding that some mental-health conditions actually have triggers or roots which need to be treated as medical conditions rather than psychiatric ones.

Fundamental Health

A key moment came in 2007, when work at the University of Pennsylvania showed that 100 patients with rapidly progressing psychiatric symptoms or cognitive impairments actually had an autoimmune disease. Their bodies were creating antibodies against key receptors in nerve cells known as nmda receptors. These lead to brain swelling and can trigger a range of symptoms including paranoia, hallucinations and aggression. The disease was dubbed “anti-nmda-receptor encephalitis”. Most important of all, in many cases it was treatable by removing the antibodies, or using immunotherapy drugs or steroids. Studies of patients having a first episode of psychosis have found that between 5% and 10% also have brain-attacking antibodies.

Illustration: The Economist/Getty Images

It seems likely that, in rare cases, ocd can be caused by the immune system, too. This is seen in the childhood condition pandas, with which Ms Huitson was diagnosed in 2021. But it is also sometimes found in adults. One 64-year-old man reported spending an extraordinary amount of time obsessively trimming his lawn only to look back on this behaviour the next day with feelings of regret and guilt. Researchers found these symptoms were being caused by antibodies attacking the neurons in his brain.

More recently, Belinda Lennox, head of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, has conducted tests on thousands of patients with psychosis. She has found increased rates of antibodies in the blood samples of about 6% of patients, mostly targeting the nmda receptors. She says it remains unknown how a single set of antibodies is capable of producing clinical presentations ranging from seizures to psychosis and encephalitis. Nor is it known why these antibodies are made, or if they can cross the blood-brain barrier, a membrane that controls access to the brain. She assumes, though, that they do—preferentially sticking to the hippocampus, which would explain how they affect memory and lead to delusions and hallucinations.

Dr Lennox says a shift in medical thinking is needed to appreciate the damage the immune system can do to the brain. The “million dollar question”, she says, is whether these conditions are treatable. She is now running trials to find out more. Work on patients with immune-driven psychosis suggests that a range of strategies including removing antibodies and taking immunotherapy drugs or steroids can be effective treatments.

Another important discovery is that metabolic disturbances can also affect mental health. The brain is an energy-hungry organ, and metabolic alterations related to energy pathways have been implicated in a diverse range of conditions, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, psychosis, eating disorders and major depressive disorder. At Stanford University there is a metabolic psychiatry clinic where patients are treated with diet and lifestyle changes, along with medication. One active area of research at the clinic is the potential benefits of the ketogenic diet, in which carbohydrate intake is limited. This diet forces the body to burn fat for energy, thereby creating chemicals known as ketones which can act as a fuel source for the brain when glucose is in limited supply.

Kirk Nylen, head of neuroscience for Baszucki Group, an American charity that funds brain research, says 13 trials are under way worldwide looking at the effects of metabolic therapies on serious mental illness. Preliminary results have shown a “large group of people responding in an incredibly meaningful way. These are people that have failed drugs, talk therapy, trans-cranial stimulation and maybe electroconvulsive-shock therapy.” He says that he keeps meeting psychiatrists who have come to the metabolic field because of patients whose low-carb diets were followed by huge improvements in mood. Results from randomised controlled trials are expected in the next year or so.

It is not only understanding of the immune and metabolic systems that is improving. Vast quantities of data are now being parsed with unprecedented speed, sometimes with the help of artificial intelligence (ai), to uncover connections previously hidden in plain sight.

Dr Jung, Tear Down This Wall

This could at long last bring biology more centrally into the diagnosis of mental health, potentially leading to more individualised treatments, as well as better ones. In early October 2023, uk Biobank, a biomedical database, published data revealing that people with depressive episodes had significantly higher levels of inflammatory proteins, such as cytokines, in the blood. A study last year also found about a quarter of depressed patients had evidence of low-grade inflammation. This could be useful to know as other work suggests patients with inflammation respond poorly to antidepressants.

Illustration: The Economist/Getty Images

More innovation is under way. A number of researchers are exploring different ways of improving the diagnosis of adhd, for example, classifying patients into a number of different subgroups, some of which may have been previously unknown. In three separate announcements in February 2024, different groups announced the discovery of biomarkers that could predict the risks of dementia, autism and psychosis. The search for better diagnostic tools is also likely to be accelerated by the use of ai. One firm, Cognoa, is already using ai to diagnose autism in children by analysing footage of their behaviour—side-stepping the long waits for clinicians. Another outfit, the Quantitative Biosciences Institute (qbi) in California, has used ai to create an entirely new map of the protein-protein interactions (and the molecular networks) involved in autism. This will greatly facilitate further explorations of diagnostic tools and treatments.

All such developments are promising. But many of the field’s problems could be resolved by relaxing the distinctions that exist today between neurology, which studies and treats physical, structural and functional disorders of the brain, and psychiatry, which deals with mental, emotional and behavioural disorders. Dr Lennox finds it extraordinary that the treatment options differ so completely if a patient ends up on a neurology ward or a psychiatric ward. She wants antibody testing to be more routine in Britain when someone presents with a sudden post-viral mental illness that does not get better with standard treatments. Thomas Pollak, a senior clinical lecturer and consultant neuropsychiatrist at King’s College London, says mri scans should probably be used on patients after their first episode of psychosis as, in 5% to 6% of patients, it would change the way they are treated.

This rift between neurology and psychiatry is greater in Anglo-Saxon countries, says Dr Tebartz van Elst. (These are countries including America, Britain, Canada, and New Zealand.) In Germany, psychiatry and neurology are more integrated, with neurologists training in psychiatry, and psychiatrists doing a year of neurology as part of their training. That makes it easier for investigational work to be done. He says he offers most patients with first-time psychosis or other severe psychiatric syndromes an mri of the brain, an electroencephalogram, lab tests for inflammation, and a lumbar puncture to find evidence to support different treatments in some patients. The price tag, around €1,000 ($1,070), is no more than the cost of hospitalising a patient for three or four days, says Dr Tebartz van Elst, so may be good value for money.

What’s The Diagnosis?

All this work will one day put psychiatry, and its patients, on a firmer footing. It is already offering validation for some of those for whom the field has failed.

Jessica Huitson is only one of them. Diagnosed and treated too late, she still struggles with her condition and her future is uncertain. Those with me/cfs, a post-infectious condition which comes with a series of cognitive problems such as attention and concentration deficits, were once dismissed as malingering or diagnosed with “yuppie flu”. New work suggests it is associated with both immune and metabolic dysfunction.

Some wonder whether these conditions are the tip of a much larger iceberg. The prize in finding out more will be better patient care and outcomes. Biology is coming, whether psychiatry is ready or not.■

— This Article Appeared in the Science & Technology Section of the Print Edition Under the Headline "Psychiatry’s Blind Spots"

[butchhamlet]

Can i get your hamlet thoughts? both about the play and its themes in general and the character? Especially on hamlet/horatio and hamlet/ophelia?

hell YES you can. have some assorted hot takes which i did not organize at all. tw for some suicide mentions

[particularly for this bullet point] ...because it’s a suicide play. june sent me a really interesting article once and idk... i think of all the plays i’ve read it deals most directly w suicide and i know hamlet objectively doesn’t kill himself but i think he knew what he was doing

i also think it’s hugely about generational differences! i know there’s a lot of debate about hamlet’s age (and personally i am FIRMLY in the ‘hamlet is sixteen and just fucked up really bad’ category, like, pry that from my cold dead hands <3) but i think no matter how old hamlet is there should be a very clear disconnect between the younger & older generations. this is a play about parents not understanding their children

among other things, i mean, hamlet’s a play about everything -

i think we should talk about hamlet’s relationship to religion more. i do not say this because i have a complex relationship with religion myself or anything. i’m uninvested in this personally

hamlet was mentally ill before his father died, he just hid it really really well up until then + the symptoms manifested differently and not so debilitatingly

specifically hamlet has ocd

that one i can’t even pretend to be uninvested in but it’s also just a fact and i swear to god i will make that post on it someday

like he just. he JUST does i’m sorry. the way he thinks? the way he talks through his own thoughts? the constant doubt and inability to make a decision? he JUST does have ocd i don’t make the rules

i hate polonius i think he’s a fucking bastard and a terrible parent

i really like “king hamlet SUPER sucked” interpretations and i’ll admit i kind of like claudius if only because he is so fucking funny as a character. no morals + horny

gertrude is one of the most fascinating characters in the play and is CRIMINALLY underutilized and underanalyzed especially in her parallels w ophelia. also if you tell me hamlet wanted to fuck her i get to mince you

hamlet x horatio is peak im sorry it just is. it JUST is. it’s about the mutual respect & the seeing each other as people beyond social class and their vastly different circumstances & the way that horatio is the only one who can still joke around with hamlet after his father’s death

that said i very much want to think that before hamlet’s father died, their relationship was more... equal? if that makes sense? bc i think horatio tends to bend to hamlet in the canon of the text, and he tends to put hamlet’s needs before all else, and that’s completely understandable seeing as hamlet’s dad died literally two months ago and now he’s in a mental illness spiral with his horrible horrible family. but under more normal circumstances i want to believe horatio is less... self-carelessly selfless and actually calls hamlet on shit when necessary

thinking about hamlet and horatio pre-canon being roommates at wittenberg and sometimes kissing while they study latin declensions or whatever the fuck... this gives me brain damage. don’t talk to me </3

i think ophelia and hamlet are FAR more interesting when considered as foil characters rather than lovers. like i’m not saying i don’t think they should have a romance (i think it’s interesting to explore) but i just think they are so much more interesting when looked at in terms of the way they mirror each other over and over again

particularly in regard to the fact that they both lose fathers & they both at least consider suicide

and maybe my seeing them as foils is even part of the reason i don’t particularly... ship them? (at least not in canon.) because i HAVE to wonder if ophelia’s madness and suicide are influenced by hamlet’s madness, performance or not. and i have to wonder how things might have gone differently if they hadn’t both spiraled at the same time yknow

that said. outside of canon / in an au where hamlet isn’t so actively destructive to the people around him... horatio/hamlet/ophelia as an ot3? god tier

i know hamlet is four hours long. i know. i still think cutting horatio and/or fortinbras is a mortal sin

i think hamlet hooked up with everyone his age in that play but he had messy breakups with everyone except horatio

yes this includes fortinbras

hamlet’s not real as a character, like, he’s infinitely interpretable on PURPOSE and it’s very hard to pin down more than a few concrete character traits for him (especially because we never see him before his father dies) which is why we all kin him

that SAID. when i made my post about that macy said smthn really insightful in the tags which was that hamlet’s not real on a TEXTUAL level but he should be real in a production, like, there are infinite ways to characterize him but if you’re actually... playing him... you have to pick one... if HAMLET in hamlet is boring you’re doing it fucking wronggggg

hamlet is trans. “what flavor of trans” literally any flavor of trans makes his relationship to his father & his misogyny 10x more interesting. goodbye

points at him. bottom

[beclynn-herondale]

I feel like your feelings when people hate on Jace (wonderful character btw) are the same ones I have when people hate on Matthew. I have PTSD and am bipolar. I have a lot of issues with depression and do all in my power to project a fun, carefree persona so I don't drag others down with me. Idk why I'm sending you this except for #solidarity and also to say... it really is fascinating how we can find our mirrors in stories.

Hello, lovely

I have PTSD, OCD, along with depression and anxiety, so believe me, I'm a handful. So I joke and I'm sarcastic and try to keep good vibes.

And yes. It frustrates me cause mental issues play a part in the actions of people, along with upbringing, and what their current life situation is. Truama also plays a huge part and I unresolved trauma can be, well, destructive and sucks to hell (doesn't make them a bad person though, especially because help isn't always an option.)

And while mental illness doesn't excuse hurting people, it does matter that you give them the chance to cool off and recognize their actions. But sometimes people don't give them the chance to do that and will just call them an "Ass." or "A bad person." etc. (I've been called many things.) Or they just give up on you.

But the thing is, when you trigger trauma or something, sometimes brains and bodies react and people can't stop it. That's why when mentally ill people say it's not easy to have a relationship with us, we mean it. But we do love our peeps completely and we don't mean to harm.

Not to mention abuse sucks, and it's not as simple to get over as some people expect. You're always on guard and I saw that in Jace. And Matthew with his trauma after the whole thing with his baby sibling (and Céline as well.)

But it's not just Jace, I've seen people say terrible things about Céline and the whole suicide thing, and as someone with personal experience in that area it makes my blood boil, because they obviously have no idea what it's actually like. Not to mention Céline didn't kill herself but they'd rather ignore that so they can hate her and act like she was some terrible woman 🙄 (this is stuff I saw in the past, btw).

So I'll always take certain hate on characters like Jace personally, and I always have a soft spot for them and will defend the.. because I am similar and have similar experiences. And while they're just characters and people say they don't mean you; I can't believe that, because well, I have those same issues so you do kind of mean me lmao.

This got long, but hopefully it made sense 😂

I do agree with you.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

"'What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?'"

Year Read: 2014, 2020

Rating: 5/5

Context: It's hard to know where to begin writing a review for this book. I read it for the first time in graduate school in about five weeks (alongside everything else I had to do in grad school, so I don't recommend that), and it basically blew my mind. At the same time, it's hard to imagine tackling it any other way for the first time. Despite its difficulty, there are things obsessive and immersive and, appropriately, even addictive about it. Full immersion might be the only way to read it for the first time, and I obsessed about it for months afterward. Since I'm not on any deadlines, I took it more slowly this time (21 weeks) so I could enjoy the writing and the nuances without the pressure to finish. For my less coherent weekly updates in real time, see my blog posts. Trigger warnings: Everything, everything. Death (on-page), child death, animal death, suicide, suicidal ideation, rape, pedophilia, possible incest, child abuse/abusive households, graphic violence/gore, eye horror, severe injury, drug use, addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, depression, OCD, grief, racism, ableism, transphobia, sexism, inexplicable hostility toward Canadians.

About: If it's difficult to know how to write a review, it's equally hard to describe what Infinite Jest is about. It's about so many things, tennis, addiction, communication (failures), and entertainment among them, but I'll do my best. Beneath all the numerous characters, timelines, and subplots, the main plot is about a film so entertaining that it kills anyone who watches it, robs them of all desire to do anything but watch it until they die, and what a faction of Canadian assassins will do to possess it. The auteur is James Incandenza, a suicide whose son, Hal, is a prodigy at Enfield Tennis Academy. Next door to E.T.A. is Ennet House, a drug rehabilitation center where Don Gately, former thief and Demerol addict, is taking it day by day to stay sober. Though they don't know it, Hal and Gately are connected, and the deadly Entertainment and those who seek it draw their paths closer and closer together.

Thoughts: It's rare to find a book that is actually as smart as it claims to be, but IJ is--certainly much smarter than I am, despite all my attempts to make sense of it. It starts off strong and doesn't let up for several hundred pages, which is a huge achievement all by itself. Wallace excels at writing extremely polished sections that could almost function alone as short stories, and the first chapter is one of my favorites in all fiction. It's reassuring, I think, to start the book off on a strong note, in case we worried we were in for a thousand pages of tedious slog. It can be both, but it's often heartfelt, insightful, and funny as well, and the payoff is well worth the effort. I don’t know how Wallace manages to pack every page with so much meaning. Anybody can put tedious lists in their books or make reading purposely difficult (and I have attitude about writers who do this for no reason), but there’s nothing haphazard about this book, despite its size and varied focus. Everything seems utterly intentional. The conversations are really top-tier; Wallace has a great ear for how people talk, and it's a fascinating look at how communication works and doesn't work.

Thematically, I think the book succeeds on more than any other level, including plot or structure. If we could say this book is "about" anything, we would almost certainly start with the themes and not the plot, which is often secondary to whatever point Wallace is trying to make at the moment. It takes an in-depth looks at things like addiction, depression, loneliness, failed communication, sincerity v. irony, critiques of postmodernism and metafiction (while being very meta itself, at times), and the very specific selfishness of an American culture that insists on freedom even to the point of self-destruction. At times, it feels a little heavy-handed or like it was yanked right out of an intro to philosophy course, but I suppose something in a thousand pages has to be obvious if we're ever going to pick up on it. A lot of these themes resurface in his other work, from "This is Water" and "E Unibus Pluram" to Orin Incandenza's Brief Interview style Q and A (and he would be a perfectly fitting character in that book).

The characters are some of my favorites in literary fiction as well, particularly the Incandenza family and Don Gately, and to a lesser extent Joelle Van Dyne (although Wallace typically doesn’t write female characters very well, and she comes with some issues). Hal and Gately couldn't be more different; Hal excels at everything he's ever done, and Gately has a record that includes accidental homicide on it. Hal is the hero of non-action, since little that happens in the book is engineered by him, while Gately is closer to the more typical hero of action, who defends the undeserving at great cost to himself. Yet their struggles with addiction are similar, and they both manage to be incredibly sympathetic characters. In my opinion, the book is always at its best when we’re with Hal or Gately, but I’m strongly driven by good characters. Despite being dead, James Incandenza's presence is also felt all over the book, from the Entertainment he created to his haunting ETA and sticking beds to the ceiling (probably the weirdest ghost I've ever seen in fiction). He's a tragic character in a book full of tragic characters. The others are too numerous to name, from the other tennis players at ETA and recovering addicts at Enfield, to the various bystanders populating Boston. We get brief glimpses into almost all of them, and while they may not all feel relevant at the time, most are memorable or heart-wrenching or slapstick funny, or all three. It's a book that contains multitudes.

That's not to say it's always on point though, and it isn't. There are a number of very serious problems with representation in this novel, and they're as bad as its detractors claim. A lot of the 90s humor aged very poorly, but that's not an excuse for some of the unabashedly racist depictions of African Americans, the uncharitable descriptions of Steeply's and Poor Tony's cross-dressing, or--however much I love him as a character--the fact that Mario Incandenza’s descriptions are ableist in just about every possible way. Wallace thinks he's capturing "voice" when he's really encouraging harmful stereotypes. The humor of the novel often doesn’t depend at all on these stereotypes and would in fact, be a lot more funny if I wasn’t spending so much energy cringing at it. So many of the little racist and ableist asides could have easily been edited out of the entire novel to make it less offensive. There are also sections where he seems at pains to be as gross as possible for its own sake. There are plenty of things grim or uncomfortable or flat out distasteful about this book, but sometimes the graphic violence kind of jumps out and stabs you in the eye, say, with a railroad spike.

If there are times when I was totally absorbed in the little tragedies of the Incandenza family or Gately's struggles, there are plenty more where it's like pushing something heavy up a hill. No lie, some of it is slogging through tedious minutiae and various experimental writing styles (some more successful and less offensive than others). Wallace has a gift for purposeful tedium; it’s at its peak in The Pale King, but he gives it a nice warm-up round here. The novel is difficult and meant to be, since Wallace maintained that some of the best pleasures are the ones we have to work for, and he's not totally off base. There's something very satisfying about living, for a time, in a book that spans a thousand pages, that demands focus and perseverance, and manages to give back (almost) as much as it takes. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated toward the end as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. I forgot how frustrating it was to near the end and realize--again--that it wasn't going to wrap up with any kind of satisfaction; the various plots slide, but they don’t meet. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I’d missed on my first, but I think the problem is that those answers simply aren’t to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don’t think the actual answers are there.

That brings me to some of my final thoughts, for now. There's no doubt that this is a hugely successful book, and I believe it accomplished exactly what Wallace meant it to do. He jokingly referred to it as a failed entertainment, much the way Jim considered his lethal Entertainment a failure, but I have the sense that Wallace, unlike Jim, failed on purpose. The book purposely pays more attention to structure and theme than it does to plot or character, yet the plot and characters are hugely compelling for what we see of them. Imagine the book it could have been if he had paid equal attention to all of them. Wallace attempted to create a book that people wouldn't want to stop reading. Reaching the end certainly encourages us to begin again, as the first chapter is actually the last in chronology, but that trick only works the first time. By my second read, I realized that starting over wouldn't help me fill in any of those blanks or answer any of my questions, and I was content to let it go. On the one hand, IJ depends upon its structure to tell the story it's telling. On the other, think of the book it could have been if it spent more time telling a story and developing its characters and less time belaboring a point. It's one of the best books I've ever read, and the tragedy is that I think it could have been even better.

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

just wanted to say - you really inspire me with how you handled the parasite situation (i.e. contacting a doc/figuring out what you need to take to get rid of them, but also not totally spiraling). If something like that happened to me, I would probably lose it and kind of shut down and be unable to function - health related scares really REALLY get to me. How do you stay strong and continue living life in the face of something like that, without letting the fear destroy you mentally?

Aw well first of all thank you 🤍

Tbh I was never really super worried because I knew it wasn’t life threatening, I might feel like shit but it wasn’t the end of the world (if I actually had a life threatening illness I’d probably lose my shit)

I don’t really have any advice, it’s largely just my personality in the sense of when bad things happen I do what I can (control the controllables) and take the steps to solve the problem, I’m def more practical than emotional in that sense (INTJ whaddup) so my first instinct is “okay what should I do” because I know that straight up panicking isn’t gonna get me any closer to solving the problem (not saying panicking is wrong, to each their own, its just not how my brain works)

I also find the whole ordeal really fascinating because last fall when my OCD was off the rails I had so much anxiety about hand washing and food contamination etc. and now when I legitimately have a fuckin parasite in a global pandemic I’m just like “aw what the hell what else is new! just another day in the life!” which just goes to show how crazy it was that last year I had all of these compulsions out of fear of something when in reality when I’m actually facing those scenarios I feel totally fine, it was all in my head (which logically I understood but mental illness isn’t logical)

[ra-lek]

Hi! I know you’ve touched on the topic briefly before, but if you don’t mind I’d love to hear any more in-depth thoughts you have on autistic Elliot. It’s one of my favorite headcanons and it’s always fascinating to see other people’s thoughts on it! (Also I just wanted to say that you have a really interesting way of analyzing the show and you seem like a such a genuinely chill, kind person, thank you for being awesome)

heya, i don’t mind at all!! this headcanon is great and there’s a lot of material to work with and analyze so i’m absolutely on board with elaborating more; 

but first i gotta establish a few things:

i am not a professional and can’t talk about autism the same way i’ve talked about body language or dissociative identity disorder. mainly because i’ve done essays on the latter and am more educated on the subject, unlike with this specific disorder.

but yo that doesn’t mean i don’t know anything cause psychology is my sHit- i just felt it was necessary for you to know that i’m not as confident in my analysis as i usually am; so feel free to correct me!!

next, in canon, elliot is diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. with a couple of ’delusional’ mentions thrown here and there. however, we most certainly know he suffers from DID as well- and the fact it’s his MAJOR problem and hasn’t been properly acknowledged by the show leaves us with room to speculate.

and finally- i’ve been diagnosed with and am being treated for clinical depression and anxiety disorder. so i will point things out from my perspective here as well, since people with anxiety have similar symptoms to people on the spectrum and/or people with ADHD/ADD. (sometimes even OCD)

alright now that that’s all clear we can finally start looking at his behavior!!

first and foremost, autism & ad(h)d are developmental disorders because the symptoms for them can generally be noticed in early childhood; as opposed to anxiety which is a mental illness. so it’s entirely possible to have a cocktail of disorders in your head.

i’m bringing ADD up a lot because i’ve been speculated to have it & am supposed to take some tests- but am not officially diagnosed yet. now that we’ve got my entire family history, blood type & credit card number laid out, we’re ready to go.

anyway, these are the symptoms:

1. difficulty with communication & interaction with others

this is probably where anxiety, add and autism collide the most. though in very different ways- and they’re not exclusive to people with one of these diagnosis only. 

for example, eye contact. i’m terrible at it. people with autism & anxiety are also pretty darn bad at it, and elliot might seem that way at times; he hides a lot- but not as often as he tends to hold an intense eye contact, instead? which can also be seen as an ‘odd’ thing to do in social communication. as in, not noticing if someone’s uncomfortable under such gaze, let’s say.

that brings me to the next topic which is uh, coincidentally, communication.

he is quite blunt when it comes to it, has a distinctive ‘flat’ #elliotvoice tone. @mototwinkclub pointed out a few instances last time this topic was brought up, such as saying “i’m okay with it being awkward between us” to matpat ollie or “not at all, actually.” with gideon- and he doesn’t do it to be rude. doesn’t really realize it’s ‘bad’ to say it like that, either.

i mean i know he said he’s trying to work on his social anxiety but that’s not quite how you’d go about it? i firmly believe he suffers from generalized anxiety. obviously, that includes social anxiety as well; but this way you could explain why he’s way more concerned with…everything else. and is pretty straightforward in conversation.

since i referenced the pilot, one of the first lines he says about himself is “i don’t know how to talk to people. the only person person i could talk to was my dad- but he died.” which brings us back to the developmental aspect of this disorder. since he’s indicating he didn’t know how to talk to people even when he was a kid. which is true, in every flashback we see he either doesn’t talk at all or talks very little.

what’s interesting though- although he’s bad at reading 'conversation’- he’s extremely good at reading people. and the fact he 'looks for the worst in them’ contradicts the usual aspect that’s brought up when it comes to an autistic thought process, which is made out to be like “if i wouldn’t do this, then why would anyone else?” and it’s not the way he thinks at all.

instead, he feels empathy on a moral level if that makes sense? people on the spectrum are said to either be too empathic or not at all. and it’s hard to pinpoint elliot? because, clearly, he cares for people as much as he doesn’t trust them. use an example the reason he leaked ray’s information. he literally said “but then i keep thinking about those people.” but we haven’t seen him empathize with, for instance, vera- even when he gave a pretty tragic backstory. he can tell who the bad guy is. 

when it comes to spacing out, he does it all the time. people on the spectrum do it all the time, i certainly do it all the time. but we have to focus on what he is thinking about when he does it- because that is our indicator. 

we usually see his thoughts filled with paranoia, over-thinking, analyzing, etc,.. which i associate with anxiety disorder mostly? but, we have to take into account something he suffers from the most and it’s dissociative identity disorder. so not only does he space out, but he tends to dissociate, as well. perfect example for this is when he mutes the world around him. or just doesn’t listen.

once again, from the pilot, when angela tells him “stop thinking about something else while i’m talking to you!!” he isn’t actually daydreaming or spacing out in the usual sense- he’s recalling the night (mostly for the viewer than for himself let’s be honest) she’s talking about and we see that he was too anxious to go in. he doesn’t tell her that.

now let’s talk about his no-touch policy for a second. that’s something a lot of people on the spectrum have in common. i think it’s, once again, one of those cases where one could be either completely touch-starved or aversive. though we can’t ignore the fact he’d been abused when he was young. 

as i was going through the pilot for most of my evidence here (as you can notice) there’s a very small detail at the beginning when ron leans in to ask “are you blackmailing me!?” and we can see elliot flinch in genuine fear. this is not the only instance where he seems afraid to get hit. breaKs my goddamn heart.

but he’s also the one to initiate contact sometimes- and he often misunderstands the situation. shayla told him not to ask, he kissed darlene, tried kissing angela on the train that time when she denied him- he does it cause that’s what he thinks he should do. 

2. restrictive or repetitve behaviors

he’s absolutely all about those routines- he doesn’t want anything destructing his ’perfectly constructed loop’ anytime he has one. (season 1 starbucks, season 2 jailtime, season 3 ecorp) but it’s important to point out that in all of these scenarios, he’s been to one to break the loop himself. by realizing they weren’t making anything better.

there are a couple of nervous ticks he has, general fidgeting with his hands/hair/hoodie- all of these apply to every disorder we’ve mentioned here.

comfort item/food is a very good one!! since we’ve only ever seen him eat fries, he has a “crying corner” in his room, he’s constantly 'hiding’ under the hoodie. probably the main comfort item.

he’s also insanely hyperfocused on technology and numbers and hacking, obviously- he has a clear routine every time. burn the disc, delete the folder, write a song over one of the cds, shove them under the table. same goes for when he thinks he’s fucked up- throw stuff in the microwave, destroy it, you get the image.

speaking of those cds though, if he can remember exactly which song he wrote for each person he’s got data on; that could be a damn good indicator of it!!

all of this could be a combination of whys and becauses which is super fun if you ask me. elliot is complex and, although i share 2.5 disorders with him, i can’t relate to his actions/coping/thoughs completely all the time.

it just tells you how different everyone’s brains are, you can’t restrict a disorder to a specific pattern and only consider that when diagnosing somebody.

so, in conclusion, elliot could very possibly be autistic!!

[tech-good-health]

Gut-Brain Connection: Diet, Serotonin & 3 Books to Read

Gut-Brain Connection:

The gut-brain connection is not anything we need to let go of; it could link anxiety to stomach problems and much more. Have you ever had a "gut-wrenching" experience? Do certain conditions make you "sense nauseous"? Do you feel at times that there are “butterflies" in your stomach? We use those expressions for a reason. The gastrointestinal tract is sensitive to emotion. Anger, anxiety, sadness, elation, all these sorts of feelings are the cause of signs and symptoms in the gut.

The brain has a right way effect on the stomach and intestines. For example, the very idea of consuming can release the stomach's juices before food gets there. This connection goes each way.

This is specifically true in cases in which a person experiences gastrointestinal dissatisfaction with no obvious physical cause. When it comes to functional GI illnesses, it might be difficult to heal a disturbed gut without considering the influence of stress and emotion.

Gut-Brain Connection Diet:

A few corporations of meals are mainly useful for the intestine-mind axis.

Here are several of the maximum vital ones:

Omega-3 Fat:

These kinds of fats are in oily fish and additionally in excessive portions withinside the human mind. Studies in people and animals display that omega-3s can boom top micro-organisms withinside the intestine and decrease the chance of mental disorders.

Fermented Ingredients:

Yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, and cheese all include wholesome microbes which include lactic acid microorganisms. Fermented meals had been proven to adjust mind activity.

High-fiber Meals:

Whole grains, nuts, seeds, end result, and greens all incorporate prebiotic fibers which are properly on your intestine microorganism. Prebiotics can lessen pressure hormone naturally in people.

Polyphenol-rich Meals:

Cocoa, inexperienced tea, olive oil, and espresso all include polyphenols, which can be planted chemical compounds that might be digested through your intestine microorganism. Polyphenols boom wholesome intestine microorganisms and can enhance.

Tryptophan-rich Meals:

Tryptophan is an amino acid this is transformed into the neurotransmitter serotonin. Foods that might be excessive in tryptophan consist of turkey, eggs, and cheese.

Gut-Brain Connection Depression:

A disturbed intestine transmits messages to the brain in the same way that a troubled brain does. As a result, stomach or intestinal discomfort might be the result or cause of worry, stress, or melancholy. That's because of the connection of the brain and the gastrointestinal (GI) system.

Gut-Brain Connection Books:

Title of the Book: The Mind-Gut Connection: How the Hidden Conversation Within Our Bodies Impacts Our Mood, Our Choices, and Our Overall Health: About this book:

A realistic guide in the tradition of Wheat Belly and Grain Brain that decisively demonstrates the inextricable, biological link between brain-spirit, integration neurology with the latest discoveries on the human microbiota.

At some point in our lives, we've all had the sensation of a link between our mind and our gut—a decision we made because it "felt right"; the butterflies in our stomach before a big meeting or it can be the stressful stomach rumbling when we’re stressed out.

While some ancient healing traditions, such as Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine, recognize the connection between the gut and the brain, Western medicine has struggled to comprehend the complexity of how the brain, gut, and, more recently, the microbiome (the microorganisms that reside inside humans) communicate Dr. Emeran Mayer, executive director of the UCLA Center for Neurobiology of Stress, wrote The Mind-Gut Connection, a groundbreaking look at this emerging science that shows us how to harness the power of the mind-gut connection to take control of our health.

The Mind-Gut Connection is what shows how to keep the brain-gut communication clear and balanced to:

Heal the gut by focusing on a plant-based diet:

Balance the microbiome by eating fermented foods and probiotics, fasting, and cutting out sugar and processed foods;

Promote weight loss by detoxifying and ensuring healthy digestion and maximum nutrient absorption;

Boost the immune system and prevent brain disorders like Parkinson's;

Generate a joyful mindset and reduce fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, and depression.

Also, it prevents and heal GI disorders such as leaky gut syndrome, food sensitivities and allergies, and IBS, as well as digestive soreness such as heartburn and bloating.

Also Read: Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease: Major Causes & Treatments

Title of the Book: The Food-Mood Connection: About this book:

An indispensable guide by surprising foods. This Guide provides everything that is necessary for you to craft a nutritional program focused on optimizing brain health and performance.

Did you realize that blueberries can help you cope with the after-effects of trauma? That eating salami may make you depressed, or that increasing your Vitamin D intake can help you deal with anxiety?

Most people's nutrition concerns revolve around weight loss, exercise, heart health, and lifespan. The food we eat affects our brain too. And, according to new research, food can have a significant influence on a variety of mental health issues, including ADHD, depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, OCD, dementia, and more.

Dr. Uma Naidoo is a board-certified psychiatrist, nutritionist, and chef with extensive experience. She uses cutting-edge research in The Food-Mood Connection to explain how food affects our mental health in a variety of ways, and how a healthy diet may help cure and prevent a variety of psychological and cognitive disorders.

The Food-Mood Connection is the go-to reference for maximizing your psychological health with food, with fascinating neuroscience, practical nutritional suggestions, and tasty, brain-healthy recipes.

Title of the Book: Brain Games About this book:

This book is especially for kids and it's very amazing.

Packed with science, puzzles, and tons of fun, this activity book primarily based totally on the hit National Geographic television show will fire up your neural network!

Calling all lovers of the Brain Games TV show! Exercise your intellectual muscle with wonderful challenges, wacky logic puzzles, optical illusions, and brain-busting riddles. Write-in pages include both games and short explanations of neuroscience at work. Have fun and challenge yourself as you unharness your inner creativity and become the genius, we all know you are.

The activity book is a companion to the famous Mind Games television program, book series, board game, and other products.

Gut-Brain Connection Anxiety:

Anxiety and stress are two examples that come to mind. Anxiety and stress are emotional issues. We all know that gastrointestinal (GI) issues can cause tension and worry.

We also know that anxiety and stress can increase gastrointestinal issues. Psychological treatment strategies have been demonstrated to assist relieve GI distress or at the very least help a person manage with their GI symptoms.

In addition, there is a lesser-known portion of the nerve system in our gut. The enteric nervous system is what it's called. The network of nerves, neurons, and neurotransmitters that make up the enteric nervous system runs the length of the digestive tract, from the esophagus to the stomach and intestines, and down to the anus.

Because it employs the same cells and neurotransmitters as the nervous system, some health professionals refer to the central nervous system as the human's "second brain.".

The "second brain" in our stomach, which communicates with the brain in our head, is involved in a variety of disorders in our bodies as well as our mental health.

How it works?

Your body releases hormones and substances that enter the digestive system when you are frightened or stressed. This can influence the microorganisms that live in your stomach, aiding digestion while lowering antibody production. The ensuing chemical imbalance can lead to a variety of gastrointestinal problems, including:

Indigestion

Diarrhea and stomach upset

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Constipation

Appetite loss or unusual hunger

Nausea

Following can help you to improve your gut health:

Digest your meal efficiently. It's critical to be relaxed after a meal in order to produce the stomach juices required for food absorption. The absorption of vitamins, minerals, and nutrients required for a healthy body and brain is dependent on gastric juice.

Take care of what you eat and how you eat it. Avoid junk food by eating nutritious snacks and meals. Preparing pre-planned meals and keeping some fruits or granola bars on hand as a snack is one method to do this. Also, when you're eating, take your time to really savor each bite.

Exercise. It can be difficult to maintain a regular level of activity. You can motivate yourself to exercise by scheduling some time for it. Take a walk around your neighborhood instead. This can assist you in reducing stress and improving your physical and mental health.

Make sure you drink plenty of water. To help your digestive system, drink six to eight glasses of water each day.

Seek assistance. A therapist who specializes in anxiety can assist you in coping with persistent worry.

Food for Good Gut Health:

Knowing which foods increase your gut health and mental wellness is crucial to enhancing your gut health. These are some of the meals you should go for good gut health:

Fiber:

Fiber consumption boosts memory and mood. It also supports the microbiome, which reduces inflammation and oxidative stress. Beans and legumes, oats, almonds, dark chocolate, fruits, and vegetables are all high in fiber.

Vitamin D:

It is a fat-soluble vitamin. Vitamin D helps to maintain a healthy microbiota and decreases gastrointestinal inflammation. Vitamin D is found in egg yolks, tuna, salmon, orange juice, and fortified milk, among other foods.

Protein:

Proteins contain nitrogen, which helps to keep a microbiome's harmful bacteria to a minimum. The synthesis of serotonin, which boosts your mood, lessens symptoms of depression when you eat protein. Eggs, milk, yogurt, lean beef, turkey, chicken, fish, broccoli, oats, and almonds are all good sources of protein.

Omega-3s:

The omega-3 fatty acids aid in the reduction of sugar cravings while also lowering cholesterol and improving memory and cognitive function. Omega-3s can be found in walnuts, flax seeds, salmon, sardines, and mackerel.

Gut-Brain Connection Serotonin:

Gut bacteria is responsible to produce hundreds of neurochemicals, which help the brain to control both basic physiological and mental activities including learning, memory, and mood. Gut bacteria, for example, produce nearly all the body's serotonin, which regulates mood as well as GI activity.

Since then, serotonin has been studied extensively as a node in gut microbiota–brain connections. The generation of serotonin by enterochromaffin cells in the mouse colon was discovered to be driven by spore-forming gut bacteria, albeit it is unclear how this may affect the brain.

Furthermore, male (but not female) GF mice have increased hippocampus serotonin levels and plasma levels of a serotonin precursor, implying that some effects of the gut microbiota on the brain are sex-specific.

Gut-Brain Axis:

The gut-brain axis (GBA) is a bidirectional communication system that connects the central and enteric nervous systems. It connects the brain's emotional and cognitive centers with peripheral digestive processes.

The relevance of gut bacteria in affecting these interactions has been highlighted in recent studies. This relationship between microbiota and GBA appears to be bidirectional, with neurological, endocrine, immunological, and humoral interactions allowing communication from the gut microbiota to the brain and from the brain to gut microbiota.

Several neurotransmitters and metabolites, including vital vitamins, secondary bile acids, amino acids, and short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs), influence behavior, memory, learning, locomotion, and neurodegenerative illnesses through modulating immune system pathways.

Researchers discovered that the inflammasome is involved in depressive and anxiety-like behaviors, as well as locomotors activity. Dysbiosis has been postulated as a possible cause of these emotional and behavioral problems, although the actual mechanism behind these events is yet unknown.

Role of Gut-Brain Axis:

In the human large intestine, the microbiota is a colony of commensal and symbiotic bacteria that reach a density of more than 1012 cells/g of material. The mammalian gut contains 500 to 1,000 different bacterial species belonging to the four major bacterial phyla Firmicutes, Bacteroidetes, Actinobacteria, and Proteobacteria.

For intestinal health and the body, a well-balanced positive interaction between the host and its microbiota is required. The mucosal microbiota is important for food digestion, vitamin production, angiogenesis, epithelial cell maturation, development, immune system education, and pathogen protection in healthy people.

The microbiota orchestrates the local immune system in the colon and changes immunological and non-immune cells at distal regions that function systemically.

You May Also Read: Penile Cancer: Causes, Major Diagnostics & Treatments In 20s

Conclusion:

In the end, it is crucial to maintain an optimum gut-brain connection for good health. This article mentions various strategies to maintain the gut-brain connection.

The diet for gut-brain connection and effects of serotonin on gut-brain connection is described in detail.

Also, you can try reading the gut-brain connection books to completely understand this wide concept.

Visit - https://techgoodhealth.com/

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #135

“on a collision course to hell we march.”

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later?  Right away because otherwise it'd fuck with my OCD. Do you like to have croutons in your salad?  Ew no. Which do you find more irritating - sunburn or bug bites? Sunburn. What shape/type of fry do you like best [waffle fry, curly fry, steak fry, sweet potato fry, tater tot, etc.]?  Just.  The normal kind of fry. What’s your favorite type of bird?  Barn owls. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 110. How many contacts do you have in your phone?  15. What pet names do you use with your significant other? The usual sweetie, hunny, etc., but then there's "honeybee" and "bubblebutt." cB What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries?  Wal-Mart. Do you carry any means of protection on you while out in public?  No, although I do wish I had pepper spray. Have you ever been inside of a cave?  No, I wish. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker?  No. Did your parents ever show you pictures of you when you were a baby inside your mother’s tummy?  I know some exist and Mom was probably pregnant in pictures I've seen in old photo books, but I don't remember any in specific. When you were in school/if you are in school, do you actually share your grades with your parents? If you got/get a bad grade, do you hide it from them?  I always shared them regardless. Have you ever learned to play a song on an instrument just by listening to it and not looking at sheet music? No. Is anything hanging from the doorknob in your room?  My purse. Your first love walks up to your door, what do you do/say?  Considering he has no way of knowing where I live, probably, "And I thought I was the obsessive one" before closing the door. Do you honestly think you could last a week without a computer or cell phone?  Oh yeesh no. Do you know anyone who does cocaine?  No.  At least I hope not. What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you?  Given my current weight, that I'm a vegetarian. What’s your longest road trip?  Like... 11-12 hours? Do you have any videos on your phone? If so, of what?  I have one video saved of Sara playing with Jem.  It's the cutest thing ever. Do you think that your bedroom is a reflection of your personality? Or would people look at your room and misjudge you?  It's a good reflection. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground?  No.  Food falls, not touching it. Does it bother you when people make weight comments? This depends.  Your doctor?  Without being condescending or anything, of course they should.  Otherwise, unless you are asked by this person to give your genuine opinion, keep your mouth shut. What’s a quality that your sister has that you absolutely can’t stand? I won't say which sister, but she's not appreciative enough of what she's given. Have you ever been caught right in the middle of a rain storm outside?  Yep.  In the summer afternoons especially, it can start pouring down within like five minutes of clouds forming. When was the last time you visited the park? Who did you go with?  February to take anniversary pics for Ash and Nick.  Mom and my niece and nephew were there, too. Do you live in a town where basically everyone knows everyone else?  No, we don't really live in a "town" area. Are your grandparents the kind who are very protective of you?  No. Which singer’s vocals would you love to steal?  I've only heard "Skin and Bones" by her band, but probably Layla Brooklyn Allman.  Fucking gorgeous voice but also has one badass roar. Have you got a hairdresser that you can trust?  Yeah, I've seen the same woman since like middle school. Do you like the smell of BBQs?  Yes, even though I hate barbeque. Who would you really like to become better friends with?  There's a lot of people.  But of anyone, probably Priscilla. Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos?  Yeah. How big is your bed?  Queen. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party?  No. Do you think it’s important for children to have a father figure in their life as they grow up?  ...it’s more important the child grows up feeling loved and valued than exactly who is doing the raising. <<<<< This. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? No. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone?  Yes. /v\ Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little?  Yes. What is the population of the city you live in? Around 5,300 lmao.  We're tiny. If you could have one more pet, what?  If I didn't have a rat the answer would be a cat, but since I do, another ball python. Something you want to buy real bad?  Gimme another plane ticket and the money for the tat I want. Something you would NEVER buy?  Drugs. What do you think will happen when you die?  Hopefully I'll see a peaceful, beautiful afterlife where I'm with all I love who've passed. Could you wait until marriage for sex?  I tried to.  Now I kinda just shrug at the idea of being abstinent.  I mean if you're in love with the person, stable in your HEALTHY relationship, and use protection, go for it. What was on the last sandwich you ate?  A pb&j forever ago.  Aaaand now I want one, but fasting hours have started. What pet names do you use with your significant other? Oh god I call her a lot.  "Pretty woman," "honeybee," "love(ly)," "sweetie, "hunny," "baby/babe," aaaand "bubblebutt" will always be The Supreme. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We have an OOOOOLLLDDD-ass toaster oven, idk what it is. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you?  For less than a day, and now, no. How would you describe your sense of humor?  Sarcastic, I guess. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings?  Yeah, Nicole. Do you currently have any bruises on your body? Yeah, my knees are pretty bruised from getting down daily to exercise. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage?  No. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse?  Ye, multiple times. A solar one?  No. Do you know anyone who writes huge essays when they message you?  Lmao Sara and I can both do that sometimes. Do you think your first love still loves you?  Nope. Are you a money saver or spender?  Quickly learning I'm a saver.  It's so, so rare I obtain money so I save that shit for something I really want. Do you know anyone who has been arrested?  Yes. Are you someone who has to analyze everything?  More like over-analyze. What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Hm... that REALLY scared me that bad, probably when Sara was having a strange health issue. Who is the last person you pushed out of your life? Why?  My old best friend because she's honestly a toxic piece of trash towards others. Do you have any awkward music downloaded on your iPod?  Lol yes.  People would raise eyebrows. Have you ever been to church? What was it like?  I grew up going to church and did sometimes with the family as a teen, and I always thought it was boring. Has a member of the opposite sex ever seen you naked? Yeah. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? No, unless one's available and it's pouring. What articles of clothing have you been wanting to buy/did you buy recently?  Homie I've wanted a leather studded jacket since middle school. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  No. Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences?  YEAH. If you could either be fire resistant or breathe underwater, which would you rather be capable of? Breathe underwater. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Ugh yes. If you have any piercings, who did them?  Different people, but all professionals. Have you ever cried while watching a movie trailer?  No. Do you know someone who had completely changed for the worse when he/she started hanging out with another person? If so, who?  Yeah, his name's Jason. Have you ever been pulled over, but just let off with a warning?  No. Have you ever taken shots? (of alcohol)  No. Have you ever had to evacuate somewhere do to a fire/flood/some sort of threat to safety? If so, what happened?  No. Do you like mash-up songs?  I don't listen to them enough to know. Have you ever played a real pinball machine?  Pretty sure yes. What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? Attempting suicide. What about the happiest?  Realizing my ex no longer had any power over me. What do you consider to be a bad grade? Low C. Who was the last person you slow danced with?  Jason. Do you say "like" a lot? No.  My younger sister can say it in almost every sentence and it drives me insane. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness?  I wouldn't be able to.  As someone who knows the pain of them, I just couldn't handle it. Do you ever go into photobooths?  I have before. Have you ever pole danced before?  No. Have you ever seen a live bat?  Yes. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it?  No. Are you more comfortable kissing a boy or a girl? I haven't kissed a girl on the lips yet, but I can almost guarantee I'd be more comfortable kissing one than a boy. Are you waiting for something? Come.  On.  June.  12th. Have you ever kissed someone and hated it?  He kissed me and I hated it. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. Who in your family is the hardest to please? Nicole, probably. Would you ever pierce your “private” areas?  NONONONONONONONO WHY DO PEOPLE- What type of humor do you find funniest?  Dry or clever. What types of things fascinate you? BOY.  Nature, CAVES, space, oceans, certain animals... lots. Are you ever rude to people on purpose?  Depends on my mood/the subject...  If you're being a piece of shit to me, I may be unpleasant back.  Or I kill with kindness. What kind of place would you want to raise your children?  I already want to live in the woods, but if I had children, it'd be even more important to me to live with an abundance of nature.  I'd want to raise them to enjoy it and ESPECIALLY respect it.  I'd also want to teach them to have fun with other than just technology, and giving them a big chunk of the outdoors would help. Will you hold hands with the last person you held hands with again?  YEAH. Has your father met the boy you currently love?  *girl.  Not yet, but hopefully will next month. Why did you last cry?  I was extremely lonely and sick of how dull and repetitious my days are. Do you eat raisin bran?  Omg I hate raisins. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad?  Either one. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?  I'm not very educated on serial killers.  Isn't there one who wore other people's faces?  That'd be high on the list. Have you ever written or received a suicide note?  Ugh.  I wrote one. Do you have the same color hair as your siblings?  Yes.  I think we ALL have brown hair. Do you have the same color eyes as your siblings?  My only siblings who has blue eyes is Bobby. What is your favorite type of cat?  Persians. What’s your opinion on tattoos in the workforce? How about piercings?  Get the fuck over it.  They have no impact on the person's personality and work ethic.  It's WAY past time we drop that shit. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not?  *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* IF A CHILD IS HUNGRY FUCKING FEED THEM LIKE GODDAMN HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHAT BREASTS ARE FOR. How many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears?  It was done once, but it closed when I had to take it out at the hospital.

[warmmorninglight]

x !!!Tends to analyze everything constantly X !!!!Often straightforward and practical in nature. Often gets lost in own thoughts and zones out (may display a blank stare) May appear naive or innocent (despite not being so) X !!!!Prone to honesty, has difficulty lying X May struggle to understand manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior and retaliation. May be gullible and easily taken advantage of, misled, or conned. X !!!!!!!!May have feelings of confusion and isolation in relation to others Escapism frequently used to relax or avoid overwhelming situations. Often holds fixations, obsessions, and extreme interest in specific topics. X Finds comfort in escaping through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming. Often has slower reaction times due to need for mental processing. X May have had imaginary friends as a child. X !! Frequently imitates (takes social cues from) people on television or in movies. X May obsessively collect, organize, count, categorize, or rearrange objects. X Often highly adapted to social imitation. May find math and numbers easier to deal with due to logic and lack of objective answers. X !!!!!!!!!! May struggle to relax or rest due to many racing thoughts. X Often has comorbid conditions, such as OCD, anxiety, ADD or ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc. Often has sensory processing disorder (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) May have dyspraxia (Poor muscle tone, lack of coordination and depth perception) May have dyslexia X May have an eating disorder or food obsessions May have been misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness or possibly labeled a hypochondriac. Tends to drop small objects X May frequently engage in “stimming” (self-stimulation) i.e., flicks fingernails, flaps hands, drums fingers, rubs hands/fingers, tucks hands under or between legs, clenches fists, twirls hair, taps foot/shakes leg, sways side to side, spins in circles, bouncing up and down, rocking, etc. May use various noises to express herself rather than using words. X May have a tendency to over-share with friends and sometimes strangers May have little impulse control when speaking X May accidently dominate conversation at times. X? Often relates discussion back to self (sharing as a means of reaching out) X ? May be incorrectly seen as narcissistic X Often sounds eager or over-zealous at times. X !!! May feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.” X Often struggles with and is confused by the unwritten social rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation. Eye contact often takes extreme focus, which may lead an individual’s eye contact to be darting and insufficient, or over-the-top staring/glaring. May have difficulty regulating voice volume to different situations. Is frequently observed as being either too loud or too quiet. X Conversation, specifically small talk, can be exhausting. May have trouble focusing on/engaging in conversation that is not centered on one’s primary interests. X May observe and question the actions and behaviors of self and others continually. X May have difficulty with back-and-forth conversation X !!!!!! Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people. X Visualizes and practices how she will act around others and before entering various social situations. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others. X !!! Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations. X Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others. As a child, it may have been hard to know when it was her turn to talk, may still be true as an adult. X Often finds the norms of conversation confusing. X Tend to say what they mean. Are often brutally honest, coming off as rude when they do not mean to be. X!!!! May feel misunderstood and tend to over-explain/ramble in an attempt to compensate for possible miscommunication. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house. X Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up. The steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about. X Must prepare herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments. X Question next steps and movements continually. Often needs a large amount of down time or alone time. X May feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, or dressing rooms. X Tends to dislike being in crowded areas. X Difficulty sleeping due to sensitivity to environment X May be highly intuitive to others’ feelings, although may not appear to react to them ‘correctly’ in social situations May take criticism and judgement very personally X May frequently adapt her viewpoints or actions based on others’ opinions Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people. X May have had a desire to collect or rescue animals, usually in childhood. X Often holds great compassion for suffering. May try to help, offer unsolicited advice, or formalize plans of action. X !! Imitates others without realizing. X May exhibit codependent behaviors. frequently reject or question social norms. X Chameleon-like in social situations. Often switches preferences and behaviours based on environment and other people. May outwardly appear to have little investment in hygiene, clothes, or appearance, often prefers fast and easy methods of style. Clothing style is likely more focused on comfort and practicality, especially in the case of sensory issues. May possess a youthful appearance and/or voice. X May have trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces). X The emotions of oneself and others may seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest. X Often speaks frankly and literally. Certain kinds of humor, such as sarcasm and metaphors, may be difficult to understand. X Can be confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray. Often has trouble identifying feelings in others unless they are extreme. X Trouble with the emotions of hate and dislike. May have feelings of pity for someone who has persecuted/hurt her. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality). May notices patterns frequently. x May be fascinated by words or song lyrics. X tends to best remember/learn things in visual pictures (visual thinkers). May have a remarkable memory for certain details, i.e., may find it surprisingly easy to remembers exact details about someone’s life. X Executive function is often a challenge Learning to ride a bike or drive a car may be rather difficult. X !! Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic. X !!!!The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety. May have a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are. X May frequently second-guess oneself and ask a lot of questions before engaging a task or situation

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Four Steps to Manage Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

When I was a young girl, I struggled with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I believed that if I landed on a crack in the sidewalk, something terrible would happen to me, so I did my best to skip over them. I feared that if I had bad thoughts of any kind, I would go to hell.

To purify myself, I would go to confession and Mass over and over again, and spend hours praying the rosary. I felt if I didn’t compliment someone, like the waitress where we were eating dinner, I would bring on the end of the world.

What Is OCD?

The National Institute of Mental Health defines OCD as a “common, chronic and long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that he or she feels the urge to repeat over and over.” OCD involves a painful, vicious cycle whereby you are tormented by thoughts and urges to do things, and yet when you do the very things that are supposed to bring you relief, you feel even worse and enslaved to your disorder.

The results of one study indicated that more than one quarter of the adults interviewed experienced obsession or compulsions at some point in their lives — that’s over 60 million people — even though only 2.3 percent of people met the criteria for a diagnosis of OCD at some point in their lives. The World Health Organization has ranked OCD as one of the top 20 causes of illness-related disability worldwide for individuals between 15 and 44 years of age.

Whenever I am under considerable stress, or when I hit a depressive episode, my obsessive-compulsive behavior returns. This is very common. OCD breeds on stress and depression. A resource that has been helpful to me is the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. He offers a four-step self-treatment for OCD that can free you from painful symptoms and even change your brain chemistry.

Distinguishing Form from Content of OCD

Before I go over the four steps, I wanted to go over two concepts he explains in the book that I found very helpful to understanding obsessive-compulsive behavior. The first is knowing the difference between the form of obsessive-compulsive disorder and its content.

The form consists of the thoughts and urges not making sense but constantly intruding into a person’s mind — the thought that won’t go away because the brain is not working properly. This is the nature of the beast. The content is the subject matter or genre of the thought. It’s why one person feels something is dirty, while another can’t stop worrying about the door being locked.

The OCD Brain

The second concept that is fascinating and beneficial to a person in the throes of OCD’s torture is to see a picture of the OCD brain. In order to help patients understand that OCD is, in fact, a medical condition resulting from a brain malfunction, Schwartz and his colleagues at UCLA used PET scanning to take pictures of brains besieged by obsessions and compulsive urges. The scans showed that in people with OCD, there was increased energy in the orbital cortex, the underside of the front of the brain. This part of the brain is working overtime.

According to Schwartz, by mastering the Four Steps of cognitive-biobehavioral self-treatment, it is possible to change the OCD brain chemistry so that the brain abnormalities no longer cause the intrusive thoughts and urges.

Step One: Relabel

Step one involves calling the intrusive thought or urge exactly what it is: an obsessive thought or a compulsive urge. In this step, you learn how to identify what’s OCD and what’s reality. You might repeat to yourself over and over again, “It’s not me — it’s OCD,” working constantly to separate the deceptive voice of OCD from your true voice. You constantly inform yourself that your brain is sending false messages that can’t be trusted.

Mindfulness can help here. By becoming an observer of our thoughts, rather than the author of them, we can take a step back in loving awareness and simply say, “Here comes an obsession. It’s okay … It will pass,” instead of getting wrapped up in it and investing our emotions into the content. We can ride the intensity much like a wave in the ocean, knowing that the discomfort won’t last if we can stick in there and not act on the urge.

Step Two: Reattribute

After you finish the first step, you might be left asking, “Why don’t these bothersome thoughts and urges go away?” The second step helps answer that question. Schwartz writes:

The answer is that they persist because they are symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a condition that has been scientifically demonstrated to be related to a biochemical imbalance in the brain that causes your brain to misfire. There is now strong scientific evidence that in OCD a part of your brain that works much like a gearshift in a car is not working properly. Therefore, your brain gets stuck in gear. As a result, it’s hard for you to shift behaviors. Your goal in the Reattribute step is to realize that the sticky thoughts and urges are due to your balky brain.

In the second step, we blame the brain, or in 12-step language, admit we are powerless and that our brain is sending false messages. We must repeat, “It’s not me — it’s just my brain.” Schwartz compares OCD to Parkinson’s disease — both interestingly are caused by disturbances in a brain structure called the striatum — in that it doesn’t help to lambast ourselves for our tremors (in Parkinson’s) or upsetting thoughts and urges (in OCD). By reattributing the pain to the medical condition, to the faulty brain wiring, we empower ourselves to respond with self-compassion.

Step Three: Refocus

In step three, we shift into action, our saving grace. “The key to the Refocus step is to do another behavior,” explains Schwartz. “When you do, you are repairing the broken gearshift in your brain.” The more we “work around” the nagging thoughts by refocusing our attention on some useful, constructive, enjoyable activity, the more our brain starts shifting to other behaviors and away from the obsessions and compulsions.

Step three requires a lot of practice, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes. Says Schwartz: “A key principle in self-directed cognitive behavioral therapy for OCD is this: It’s not how you feel, it’s what you do that counts.”

The secret of this step, and the hard part, is going on to another behavior even though the OCD thought or feeling is still there. At first, it’s extremely wearisome because you are expending a significant amount of energy processing the obsession or compulsion while trying to concentrate on something else. However, I completely agree with Schwartz when he says, “When you do the right things, feelings tend to improve as a matter of course. But spend too much time being overly concerned about uncomfortable feelings, and you may never get around to doing what it takes to improve.”

This step is really at the core of self-directed cognitive behavioral therapy because, according to Schwartz, we are fixing the broken filtering system in the brain and getting the automatic transmission in the caudate nucleus to start working again.

Step Four: Revalue

The fourth step can be understood as an accentuation of the first two steps, Relabeling and Reattributing. You are just doing them with more insight and wisdom now. With consistent practice of the first three steps, you can better acknowledge that the obsessions and urges are distractions to be ignored. “With this insight, you will be able to Revalue and devalue the pathological urges and fend them off until they begin to fade,” writes Schwartz.

Two ways of “actively revaluing,” he mentions are anticipating and accepting. It’s helpful to anticipate that obsessive thoughts will occur hundreds of times a day and not to be surprised by them. By anticipating them, we recognize them more quickly and can Relabel and Reattribute when they arise. Accepting that OCD is a treatable medical condition — a chronic one that makes surprise visits — allows us to respond with self-compassion when we are hit with upsetting thoughts and urges.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/four-steps-to-manage-obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

[shewassoferal]

okay but from the list of autistic traits I reblogged here 

I’m bolding Jemma (and I’m going to put mine in italic just to confront them for myself because it’s been years that I’ve been side-eyeing this, though in my case there is so much more than that) 

Tends to analyze everything constantly

Often straightforward and practical in nature.

Often gets lost in own thoughts and zones out (may display a blank stare)

May appear naive or innocent (despite not being so)

Prone to honesty, has difficulty lying

May struggle to understand manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior and retaliation.

May be gullible and easily taken advantage of, misled, or conned.

May have feelings of confusion and isolation in relation to others

Escapism frequently used to relax or avoid overwhelming situations.

Often holds fixations, obsessions, and extreme interest in specific topics.

Finds comfort in escaping through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.

Often has slower reaction times due to need for mental processing.

May have had imaginary friends as a child.

Frequently imitates (takes social cues from) people on television or in movies.

May obsessively collect, organize, count, categorize, or rearrange objects.

Often highly adapted to social imitation.

May find math and numbers easier to deal with due to logic and lack of objective answers.

May struggle to relax or rest due to many racing thoughts.

Often has comorbid conditions, such as OCD, anxiety, ADD or ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.

Often has sensory processing disorder (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)

May have dyspraxia (Poor muscle tone, lack of coordination and depth perception)

May have dyslexia

May have an eating disorder or food obsessions

May have been misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness or possibly labeled a hypochondriac.

Tends to drop small objects

May frequently engage in “stimming” (self-stimulation) i.e., flicks fingernails, flaps hands, drums fingers, rubs hands/fingers, tucks hands under or between legs, clenches fists, twirls hair, taps foot/shakes leg, sways side to side, spins in circles, bouncing up and down, rocking, etc.

May use various noises to express herself rather than using words.

May have a tendency to over-share with friends and sometimes strangers

May have little impulse control when speaking

May accidently dominate conversation at times.

Often relates discussion back to self (sharing as a means of reaching out)

May be incorrectly seen as narcissistic

Often sounds eager or over-zealous at times.

May feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”

Often struggles with and is confused by the unwritten social rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.

Eye contact often takes extreme focus, which may lead an individual’s eye contact to be darting and insufficient, or over-the-top staring/glaring.

May have difficulty regulating voice volume to different situations. Is frequently observed as being either too loud or too quiet.

Conversation, specifically small talk, can be exhausting.

May have trouble focusing on/engaging in conversation that is not centered on one’s primary interests.

May observe and question the actions and behaviors of self and others continually.

May have difficulty with back-and-forth conversation

Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.

Visualizes and practices how she will act around others and before entering various social situations.

Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.

Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.

Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others.

As a child, it may have been hard to know when it was her turn to talk, may still be true as an adult.

Often finds the norms of conversation confusing.

Tend to say what they mean. Are often brutally honest, coming off as rude when they do not mean to be.

May feel misunderstood and tend to over-explain/ramble in an attempt to compensate for possible miscommunication.

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.

The steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.

Must prepare herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.

Question next steps and movements continually.

Often needs a large amount of down time or alone time.

May feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, or dressing rooms.

Tends to dislike being in crowded areas.

Difficulty sleeping due to sensitivity to environment

May be highly intuitive to others’ feelings, although may not appear to react to them ‘correctly’ in social situations

May take criticism and judgement very personally

May frequently adapt her viewpoints or actions based on others’ opinions

Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.

May have had a desire to collect or rescue animals, usually in childhood.

Often holds great compassion for suffering.

May try to help, offer unsolicited advice, or formalize plans of action.

Imitates others without realizing.

May exhibit codependent behaviors.

May frequently reject or question social norms.

Chameleon-like in social situations. Often switches preferences and behaviours based on environment and other people.

May outwardly appear to have little investment in hygiene, clothes, or appearance, often prefers fast and easy methods of style.

Clothing style is likely more focused on comfort and practicality, especially in the case of sensory issues.

May possess a youthful appearance and/or voice.

May have trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).

The emotions of oneself and others may seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable.

Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.

Often speaks frankly and literally.

Certain kinds of humor, such as sarcasm and metaphors, may be difficult to understand.

Can be confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray.

Often has trouble identifying feelings in others unless they are extreme.

Trouble with the emotions of hate and dislike.

May have feelings of pity for someone who has persecuted/hurt her.

Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.

The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality).

May notices patterns frequently.

May be fascinated by words or song lyrics.

Tends to best remember/learn things in visual pictures (visual thinkers).

May have a remarkable memory for certain details, i.e., may find it surprisingly easy to remembers exact details about someone’s life.

Executive function is often a challenge

Learning to ride a bike or drive a car may be rather difficult.

Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.

The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.

May have a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.

May frequently second-guess oneself and ask a lot of questions before engaging a task or situation

(It was pointed out to me that feeling okay spending two months straight in my room surrounded by my fixations and finding extra tiring to engage in conversations with friends outside of those fixations isn’t exactly normal. I’m happy to be on my own but I’m too happy? one day I’m going to have money and find a therapist specialized in this. Not to mention how my diseases like celiac and food intolerance and maybe leaky gut are often connected to this too)

[morrisbrokaw]

Please Don’t Try to Fix Me

It was a clear, warm night last summer when I took a long walk around my neighborhood, phone to ear, and opened up to a friend about how I’d been feeling of late (“of late” being the prior 3 months, at a minimum!!). It was one of those perfect July evenings; the sidewalks were sprinkled with pairs on first dates and with families and dogs, all of them enjoying one of the very best months of weather we get in Minneapolis. Yet as I walked through the beautiful, ever-darkening cityscape around me, I felt… like absolute shit, to be honest.

It had been a hard summer. It’s not that I could point to any One Big Overriding Thing that was making life feel so awful. More so, it was that my mind was treating me like its very own personal punching bag. If my brain last summer had been a friend, or a boyfriend, any good human would have told me to LEAVE THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE BEHIND, STRAIGHT AWAY. But being that said piece of garbage was moonlighting as the dense mass of tissue stored inside my head, I wouldn’t have been able to heed that advice anyway.

That night my friend and I made our way through the familiar cadence of any phone call we share; I had her catch me up first, and I laughed and waited with baited breath as she relayed the intricacies of her life. My friend is an excellent storyteller, a person who weaves fascinating tales about dating escapades and work and her faux pas du jour. She makes the whole damn art of being a captivating, witty human look easy. After a while, she finished with her account and turned the conversation to me. “Tell me about YOU!! What’s new??” she asked with genuine interest. I was left with a choice, the same one I’d encountered all summer long: I could A) pretend everything was fine, gloss over the hard parts, attempt to weave my own tales (the route I tended to take), or B) be honest for once.

I chose the latter.

I told her the truth. I told her I’d been feeling horrible. I told her about the boxing gloves inside my head. I told her I felt lost and discontented and frustrated with a lot of the relationships in my life. I told her ALL OF THE THINGS. It was a rare moment of true vulnerability, and it felt…terrifying. It felt like I was being a burden. It also felt cathartic.

When I wrapped up my saga, when a silence finally ensued, she broke it by immediately launching into the “pep talk” (her words, not mine) portion of the conversation. She gave me a laundry list of Things I Have to Be Grateful For. For a good long while, she went round and round in circles, relaying back to me all the positive aspects of my life that were supposed to make me feel better. She was so well intentioned. I love her for trying. But honestly? Hearing those things? They only made me feel worse.

My friend tried to point out the proverbial blue sky. She didn’t realize that I could see it already. I could hear the birds chirping, I could smell the freshly cut grass of summer. The problem wasn’t whether my senses were attuned to those things; my brain just didn’t register them as being good enough.

I received my first mental health diagnosis at 10 years old—OCD, anxiety, and, later, depression (a winning trifecta, if you will)—and, as such, am intimately familiar with the nuances of living with mental illness. I’m familiar, too, with the wide array of responses people employ whenever I discuss any topic that falls under the Status of My Mental Health umbrella. There’s the response of trying to make me feel better by saying something like, “But how can you feel that way? You’re so *insert list of compliments plus things you have to be grateful for here*”. There’s the response of telling me about their coworker or their friend from high school or their sister’s boyfriend’s second cousin once removed who went through the exact same thing, “But hey, they’re doing okay now, so you’ll be fine, too.” There’s the response of trying to fix me, to point me in the direction of a diet/workout regimen/therapist/very useful podcast that helped them, so it will definitely help me, too.

Unfortunately, all of these responses have one thing in common: they’re usually not very comforting! All they really do is prove to you that somewhere along the way, while you were spilling your soul directly onto the table, they were thinking of a response. They were busy coming up with a counterpoint, rather than fully listening.

We humans—the imperfect, well-meaning specimens that we are—seem to have a proclivity to want to fix things. When a friend or a family member or a significant other comes to us and unloads the nuances of a struggle they’re experiencing (mental health-related or otherwise), it’s natural to want to ease the thing that’s ailing them. It’s instinctive to want to tie their troubling situation up into a proverbial bow. I GET it. If you are a good, decent human person (and I have a feeling you are!!), you do not want to watch your loved ones suffer. Obviously! This is a given! The thing is, though, that it doesn’t always work. We can’t always fix things, we can’t always fix people, especially not on the spot.

So when someone in your life gives you the absolute gift of unbridled vulnerability? When you ask them, “What’s new?” and they pause, take a deep breath, and trust you enough to divulge whatever the thing is that’s bothering them? That’s your opportunity to take a deep breath, too. It’s your chance to shut off the gears in your mind that start turning on autopilot, that begin searching for a solution. It’s your cue to empathize, to listen.

Now, I know (believe me, I know) that simply carrying a conversation can be hard enough as it is. Sometimes we’re not in the mood! Sometimes we say the wrong thing! Sometimes our introverted brains are screaming at us to end the exchange of words so we can GO HOME AND SIT ON OUR COUCH AND EAT SOME CHIPS DAMMIT. None of us will be perfect at this whole living-life-and-interacting-with-other-humans thing at all times. That’s okay.

All I ask is that the next time someone you love decides to open up to you, just try to listen. Try to simply be a warm presence with open ears. Try to slowwww your mind down when it starts instinctively thinking of a solution. If the loved one with whom you are speaking asks for your input, please, by all means, feel free to give it. If it seems like they are in real, true, distress (this is subjective, yes! But it’s also important and I would be amiss not to mention it!)? That might be a good time to give your input, too. But in all the other cases? All you need to do, hard though it may be, is hear what they have to say, tell them you understand where they’re coming from (if you do), or simply tell them it sucks (if you don’t).

“I’m so sorry. That sucks. I’m here for you.” is a good enough response sometimes.

All we need you to be is our friend. All we need you to do is listen. And, I don’t know, if you’ve got a cute puppy video in your back pocket, you can share that, too. Couldn’t hurt.

Images via: 1 / 2 / 3

Jackie Saffert is a human person who lives in Minneapolis. In her spare time, you can find her running along the river road, loitering in the vicinity of the nearest puppy at a local brewery, or recharging her soul (?!) in her tiny sanctuary of an apartment. She likes to write; she thinks you are very kind for reading the words above.

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[ssteezyy]

Exclusive Interview: Rita Mae Brown Talks About Cats, Writing and How to Live a Simpler Life

I have been a fan of the Mrs. Murphy mystery series by Rita Mae Brown (co-written with her cat Sneaky Pie,) featuring tabby cat Mrs. Murphy and her friends Tee Tucker the Corgi and Pewter, a rotund grey kitty who is sensitive about her weight, since the first book in the series came out in 1991. Ms. Brown just released the the twenty-sixth installment in the series, A Hiss Before Dying. Today, I am absolutely thrilled to bring you this exclusive interview with Rita Mae Brown.

The first Mrs. Murphy mystery came out in 1991, and here you are, 26 books later! Did you ever imagine that the series would be this successful and run for this long?

No. Then again, I should have realized that cats are smarter than people. Sneaky Pie was on to something.

How do you sustain this kind of writing pace? (For my readers who may not know this, Rita Mae Brown is also the author of many other books, including the iconic Rubyfruit Jungle, published more than 40 years ago.)

Fortunately, I have such a deep foundation in literature and language, having Latin throughout junior high school and high school and then through college. I also took two years of Attic Greek. That background truly makes things so much easier. You have a strong sense of your own language, you go back to The Iliad so you understand the themes of Western literature as well as the evolving format and styles.

I have so much discipline, I don’t have to think, if that makes sense. It’s like tennis; takes ten years to groove a stroke. You don’t need to think about it after that, you need to only think about the match. The other factor in my pace is I have never smoked, drank or taken drugs. I work on a farm and I foxhunt in fall and winter (we just chase foxes, we don’t kill them.) The human body is meant to keep working as is the human mind.

The original Sneaky Pie lived to be twenty, the original Pewter twenty-four. What is your secret to having your cats live this long?

Clear water, good food, allowing them to hunt to their heart’s content, and they can sit wherever they please. They live a more natural life than confined cats. Like me, they keep working. The Sneaky Pie currently in residence is 17, showing signs of age.

Tell us about the current Sneaky Pie and Pewter.

Gray cats everywhere. You can pick your Pewter, as this part of Nelson County bursts with gray feral cats. I trap them, fix them, do my best to civilize them. Most live outside what I call their beehives. I hope to build a true cattery this summer. Those that have had kittens I nurse, try to find homes for the kittens, and keep the totally grey ones.

I don’t have as many feral tiger cats. I do have three nursed and now huge ginger tiger cats, but I must find a tiger kitten since the current Sneaky is long in the tooth.

Your deep love for animals and nature comes through in everything you write, and you’ve been called a modern day Thoreau. Why do you think so many people have lost their connection with the natural world, and how can animals help us rekindle it?

How can people live a natural life in cities and suburbs? At least in a suburb they might have a lawn, trees, a garden, but being bombarded by electronic devices numbs people to reality. Reality becomes what someone says or posts. And given the nature of these devices, news can be manipulated, made up, etc. People are bound in a tissue of lies.

If they have two cats or two dogs it’s a help.

Seems to me there are good reasons for the rise in mental illness and alphabet conditions, ie. OCD, etc.

Your publicist mentioned that you are living a Wifi-free life on your Virginia farm – I’m intrigued! So many of us (and I have to confess, I’m one of the many) have an increasingly hard time unplugging, yet it seems that it’s essential to do so from time to time to maintain one’s sanity. How do you do it?

There’s nothing that interests me other than reality and the arts. I do have a weather app on my phone which I check. If you farm, you become fascinated with the weather.

What one piece of advice would you give someone looking to live a simpler life?

Make as much money as you can for the next few years, then get out into the country. This nation is so big, so varied, you will find a place that nurtures you, speaks to your heart. It is there that you will fulfill yourself and do your best work.

What book had the most profound influence over your life?

Aristophanes’ plays and Marguerite Yourcenor’s Memoirs of Hadrian. She was not inducted into the French Academy. I don’t know if they have inducted a woman to this day. What a travesty. She towers over every other French writer of the Twentieth century.

What is your favorite cat book (other than your own)?

Puss in Boots. We all need such a bold kitty in our lives.

What are you currently reading?

Luther by Lyndal Roper. I read constantly, everything I can lay my hands on, I read. But I most enjoy a worthy subject if a biography, and good, fluid writing.

Read my review of A Hiss Before Dying

Conscious Cat Sunday will return next week.

The post Exclusive Interview: Rita Mae Brown Talks About Cats, Writing and How to Live a Simpler Life appeared first on The Conscious Cat.