#OC growth and development

[krowfaced]

╢Personal work and characters╟

What was meant to be an out-of-character doodle back in 2015 came back in 2022 as being more in-character than I dare to admit ._.

[pentacass]

why sol laughs when she's in pain: she trained herself to laugh to make her matron mother's frequent whippings (barely) more tolerable while aggravating her mother even further

why ves laughs when she's in pain: unhinged clown

[farragone]

party time!!

syksy's playlist that would be playing can be found: here (it also has the links in the description on spotify and tidal. tidal is what I usually use, so it's the most up to date)

⇤ ⭠ ⭢ ⇥

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hi bestie i hope you’re having a wonderful day I’m sorry for invading your askbox with my ideas

I made another Howdy sibling (I haven’t made the design yet lol)

His name is Honey, but he prefers being going by his middle name, Hank

He’s a purple emperor butterfly with vibrant purple, white, and black wings. His fluffy skin is a light lavender color for contrast :)

He tries to be nice, but he’s really vain and self centered. He’s mean a lot of the time, and he usually doesn’t care that he is until Howdy gets on his case about it

He works both as a bartender and hairdresser, but he leans more on the haircare parts of his careers

He and Howdy have trouble getting along. Hank wants to be close again, but unlearning everything that makes him himself is really difficult

A horrible cook, he burns everything. He’s managed to make okay cookies with Poppy but he hates having to need help

More not important relationship drama that manifests in my head: he has a crush of Holly Blue. She’s a lesbian so she obviously doesn’t like him back, but there’s conflict with that

Somehow tolerates Wally the most. I feel like Wally would say something about Hank that particular sticks with him, and he ends up not really wanting to be mean to Wally afterwards. More uncomfortably than friendly

Is a bully to his younger sibling, gets socked in the face by protecting papa bear Howdy

Will never admit it but he loves animals. Specifically little baby animals like kittens and puppies. He has like 20 in his home

Idk if his hair is purple, white, or black lol

Has glasses but never wears them, he’s blind as a bat

Taller than Howdy. Like 8-9 feet tall

Im sorry again for the rambles but I’m obsessing over an oc I only have a name for lmao

Plus I need to figure out his dynamics with the neighbors and his siblings (*cough cough* Lizzy *cough cough*)

Ayo you're good bestie! Dump your oc planning in my inbox all you want hehe

Hank gives ✨passive aggressive✨ vibes. Which I love lol

I can see him trying to say something genuinely nice but it comes out sarcastically or straight up sounds like an insult.

could his attitude be his parents fault? perhaps he was spoiled or he just has older sibling "I'm better than you cuz I'm older" energy. either way good on Howdy for not putting up with his shit

Maybe he offers to do his little siblings hair to try and connect with them? but they don't trust him and he gets petty

love me a self-absorbed disaster who's Trying and Failing to be less of a prick

[alvinmichaelmurphyseville]

“I’mma say it louder.”

“Yes, I am totally aware I look like a stereotype. My universe used to run on stereotypes. It doesn’t so much anymore. It doesn’t because of me. I helped change it for the better. I am inspiring.” 🤩

“Also, I was given the choice to turn back into Classic Alvin, but that meant giving up my character development and my personal growth.” 😭

“I was forced to choose between my old looks and my new hobbies. I chose my new hobbies!” 🤓

“You know, like most people would do if they fought through a whole year and a half of character development to find out who they are.” 😏

“Don’t judge this book by his cover.” 😉

[pacifistcowboy]

i thought i managed to figure out sterling’s (my sol dimension silver) personality but the more i think about her the less she makes sense.

like i know she wants to save the future but she doesn’t believe she can do anything to help, just tell other people “hey i think i can see the future and it’s fucked” and it takes her a while to even say that.

i have it that fundamentally, sterling is insecure and believes it’s best if she stays in the background, both because she doesn’t know how to interact with people and because she has no skills to offer. when she does have to talk to people, she just speaks overly truthfully and says whatever she genuinely thinks of, which tends to weird people out. she notices that, but she doesn’t know how else to talk. she isn’t mean or anything, she just has no sense of being too personal or too random or people meaning something different from what they exactly said.

i like sterling being like this, but it doesn’t exactly feel very contrasting to silver. but at the same time, it kinda does?

silver has outright said he’s been alone for so long he can’t imagine wanting to be on your own, which means he likes making friends, so sterling actively trying to keep her distance contrasts that! and silver has shown that when on a mission he just doesn’t bother to explain himself or what he’s doing because he’s too busy, so sterling just spewing anything and everything on her mind when prompted contrasts that.

BUT!!! when silver is friends with someone, has the time to explain, or is in a relaxed situation, he’s completely honest and is shown to be unknowingly inexperienced in social interaction compared to most other characters, which would be the same as sterling, just not as extreme i guess.

i think the issue, as it’s always been since i first decided to make sterling, is that silver himself is rather self-contradictory. depending on the situation he’s in and how comfortable he is, he can either be a lone wolf who has no time for anyone’s bs and will fight you in a heartbeat if he thinks he has to, or he can be this upbeat fella who’d love to be your friend and help you out. so if i made sterling directly contrast this, she’d just be like silver except the situations in which she acts a certain way would be swapped.

the approach i went for sterling is that, before she gained her ability, she simply avoids others and leaves the ‘useful’ people to be useful, and when she first gets the visions and realises what they are, she tries to convince herself they’re not real and everything’s fine. but she progressively loses the energy to convince herself it’s not real, but even then she has no one to say anything to. no one likes her, socialising is difficult, and she’s sure no one would believe her anyway. plus she has absolutely no confidence that she could do anything herself. so sterling goes on just living her isolated life whilst freaking out about the visions, until she hears about the fact that the princess has been on adventures in another dimension (god i hope that’s a known thing in her world or else this is fucked) and sterling thinks “if the princess has done something nuts like that then there’s a chance she’ll believe me about my visions” and from there she has to step wayyy out of her comfort zone n help the heroes.

i’m worried she’s too much of her own weird thing to even count as a sol dimension version of silver. like sure she’s got a future thing going on, her traits contrast silver’s optimism, determination, and confidence while still sharing the same values of caring about the future and the people, but i just worry her general behaviour will have nothing to do with contrasting him n may end up like somewhat weirdly similar to him.

[arcademyth]

⚔

[bluenotegaming]

It's a toss-up between Ome and Nota, Ome is actually a pretty good dancer despite having never had dancing lessons, so she would sometimes be caught dancing.

As for Nota, she isn't bad herself, although she had to be a bit more careful as she's around Daleks and it's doubtful they would approve of her doing silly dances, however her father would've still seen her dance and may or may not have turned a blind eyestalk at it.

Imagine your OC doing a silly little dance when they think no one is watching

[givemethesleep]

Decided to avoid using my fineliners for these drawings to try and change things up with mixed results. Anywho. My Nerevarine, my Hero of Kvatch and my Dragonborn.

[krowfaced]

2014 vs 2017

╢Personal work and characters╟

While the one to the right isn't technically a re-imagined version of the left, there are too many parallels not to compare them, and I still enjoy reflecting on the growth I made between the two.

2014 - Depicting various symbolism from his original story (Which I #w&w tag for those who would ever want to filter). The story itself used to be very fleshed out but it has been on a hiatus because I wanted to restructure it. It actually got awarded a Daily Deviation on DeviantArt, which was without a doubt the proudest achievement in my artistic life for several years! 2017 - Depicting more literal happenings in a story by my girlfriend (Which falls under the #Dernee tag to mark the difference in universes).

Showing the state of his body is something Zlatomir is severely conscious about, and in the end both depicts his vulnerability. Poor life choices had him wither away and he desperately wish to change it. However, his fight to regain health often fall in vain.

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

TWST OC Questions

I am supposed to be working on a req I got about a month ago OTL but I need uh. serotonin from something in the meantime LMAO (it is more than half way finished, dear requester, if you see this) ANYWAYS

Obviously, if you want to ask a question that's under one category but for an OC that doesn't fit under that category, you can <3 its more what that dorm inspired me to ask about

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RAMSHACKLE

Does your OC have magic? Do they develop it over time? Do they overblot? If they don't, do they ever reach a snapping point?

Does your OC follow the canon timeline? If not, how have you adapted their story?

Is your OC shipped with anyone? If so, who? What's their dynamic like?

Is your OC homesick? What are they willing to do to get back? How 'on' Crowley's ass are they? If not, why don't they want to go home? Do they have an issue with Crowley anyways? Have they considered/do they care about what happens to Grim if they were to leave?

How does your OC customize Ramshackle, if they do at all? How do they cope with the state it's in when they first arrive?

Is there anyone your OC sees as family?

How does your OC feel about magic in general?

What chapter does your OC experience the most character growth, if any?

What is YOUR favourite character's impression of your OC when they first meet?

What would your OC say their greatest strengths/flaws are? Do you agree with them?

Are there any characters your OC absolutely does not get along with?

How many times do you think your OC ends up in the infirmary? Besides canon, can you tell us about a time they've gone in?

Which housewarden does your OC clash with the most? Who do they relate to the most, if any?

What are some mannerisms your OC has picked up from the people around them? (be it other (people's) OCs or Canon Characters)

What's their relationship like with the ghosts? With Grim?

What class do they dread the most? Why?

Has your OC ever been sent to Crowley's office for their (mis)conduct in class/on school grounds?

Is there someone who scares them? Why? Do they ever work through it?

What's your OC's best memory since coming to NRC?

Do they work for Crowley? Or do they find another job bc FUck the bird?

HEARTSLAYBUL

Have they ever gotten collared by Riddle? For what? How long? How often does it happen?

Do they think they could be a better housewarden? What makes them think that?

What's the chore unique to Heartslaybul that they look least forward to? What's their favourite? (tending the flamingoes/hedgehogs, organizing the Unbirthday parties, painting the roses, etc. etc.)

How many rules have they memorized? How many do they actually follow?

If it was their turn to take care of the dormouse, how would they do it? What flavour jam would they spread on its nose at the Unbirthday party?

What's the worst thing they've gotten away with? What's something they do exclusively in the rose maze in hopes nobody finds out, if anything?

Who are they more likely to go to if they have an issue that needs to be addressed? (Riddle, Trey, or, pushing an HC here, former housewarden Cay-Cay?)

How clumsy are they? Does the unique furniture and layout of Heartslaybul ever throw them off? (Do you HC the dorm the same way I do?) Have they adjusted to it?

If Riddle offered to tutor your oc, would they take him up on the offer? If not, how do they normally study/prepare for tests?

What's your OCs favourite flower? Would it be realistic for them to grow it in their room/on the dorm somewhere?

SAVANNACLAW

Where do they consider themselves in the alleged 'hierarchy'? Is this accurate?

What sport do they specialize in? If they don't play, what club are they in? Or do they ever play referee?

Does your OC ever get into physical altercations? How do they usually play out?

Does your OC respect Leona? Do they want him to do anything differently? Does Leona know your OC? Does he respect them?

Does your OC have beef with someone outside of the dorm? Is it reasonable in your opinion? Is the other character aware?

How does your OC feel about all the dirt/heat in Savannaclaw? Have they ever considered transferring dorms just to get away from it?

How protective of their food are they? Is there a reason why, besides instinct/hunger? Or are they more likely to share food?

(assuming your OC is a beastman) What's something that makes them easy to read? (eg. tail wagging, ear wiggles, fur standing on end, etc. etc.) and do they wish they could change it? Are they sensitive to the paranormal?

Was there any alterations made to their ceremonial robes? Did someone have to help them put it on?

What do they think of Ruggie and his workload? Do they consider it fair? Are they jealous of how close he is with Leona?

OCTAVINELLE

Do they work at the Mostro Lounge? If so, what position? Was it by choice? Do they enjoy it? What's their biggest customer pet peeve/most ridiculous request they've seen/heard?

Have they ever made a contract with Azul? How did it go?

Can they be trusted in the kitchen? What's their favourite food?

Are they intimidated by the tweels? How did their first meeting go? Have they ever had the opportunity to put them in their places?

Do they like being under the water all the time in their dorm? And if they're a mer, do they go home for the winter holidays or no?

Does your OC enjoy wearing the funky dorm socks....not the uniform, just the socks, or do they try to cover them up like Jade?

Has your OC ever been blackmailed? Or do they do the blackmailing? What about your OC fits the nefarious energy the canon characters give off? Or are they meant to balance them out?

Did they know about the plan to make Ramshackle a second Mostro Lounge location? How did they feel about it? If they didn't know, how did they react afterwards?

Does your OC play any instruments? Does Azul know that they play? Can your OC sing?....Do you agree with your OC's opinion of their ability to sing?

Is your OC claustrophobic? Or do they enjoy small spaces?

SCARABIA

How do they feel about Kalim's parties? Do they ever help with set up/take down?

How do they feel about Jamil? His workload? Do they think what he did to Kalim was just/did they agree that change was needed in the dorm?

How do they handle the sand?

Has your OC ever stolen anything from Kalim's rooms of treasure?

What's something your OC does want to change in the dorm?

If they participate in Kalim's parties, what's their favourite part?

What's your OCs favourite way to stay hydrated in the sweltering heat of the dorm?

How did your OC feel about the whole hostage situation with the random magicless person from Ramshackle?

How did your OC fare on the treks hypnotized Kalim took them on?

If electing dorm leaders was a possibility, who would they choose and why? (if it's themselves, bonus points if you show a campaign poster or tell me about it or something LMAO)

POMEFIORE

What's their favourite type of poison?

What DnD class would your OC be? (I ask this bc I feel like. Pomefiore has the most diversity in that aspect than any other dorm)

Has Vil ever personally given your OC a makeover/pep talk about their appearance? How did it go?

What's a scent you associate with your OC?

What's your OC's aesthetic outside of school affiliated clothing?

How well does your OC know makeup?

Is your OC starstruck by Vil? Are they jealous of him? Are they in film studies club? (Aka, what is their dynamic with Vil?)

Between Vil and Neige, who did they vote for at the VDC?

Does your OC have issues with the way food is monitored in Pomefiore? Do they ever confront Vil about it? Do they have stashes of food anywhere?

What's your OC's biggest insecurity, physically and personality wise?

IGNIHYDE

Is your OC an introvert, or just selectively social? Or are they extroverted?

What is the project/invention they are most proud of?

What's a hidden talent they have?

What's a hobby they enjoy doing alone? What's a hobby they enjoy doing with other people? If it's gaming, what type of games do they enjoy most?

How competitive is your OC? How easy is it to rile them up?

Is there anything your OC would infodump about? How do you get them to share? Do they ever get insecure about their rambling?

Do they want to apprentice somewhere like S.T.Y.X/for the Jupiter Conglomerate? What's their dream career? Do they ever try to impress Idia hoping to get their foot in the door?

Does your OC ever find out what Idia's (canon) UM is? If not, do they have a theory on what it might be? What is it?

How did your OC react to Ortho returning to school in Chapter 6 (trying to avoid spoilers sjkfklsjdfh)

What's your OC's favourite piece of media/what would be the equivalent of their favourite media in our world?

DIASOMNIA

What's your OC's favourite type of music? Is there anybody they listen to music with? (Jamming out to Canon in D with Malleus amirite OTL /j)

Are they scared of Malleus/the power he has?

Has Lilia ever pranked them? How did it go? Did they get him back?

Have they ever tasted Lilia's cooking. Did. Did they like it?

What's a magic skill your OC specializes in?

What's a "traditional" or old fashioned hobby your OC has? (Calligraphy, fencing, leatherwork, etc, etc.) How did they pick it up?

If your OC is fae/has a prolonged life span, did they participate in the same life events as Lilia? (again, I'm trying to stay spoiler free)

On a scale from 1 - 10, how powerful would you rank your OC? What about their UM? (and what is their UM?)

Which of the 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth) do you associate most with your OC and why? (remember some of these have more than one connotation e.g. blood lust)

What's your OC's favourite orchestral instrument?

FACULTY

What position do they have? How long have they been working there?

Did they go to school with any of the canon faculty/other character's parents?

How well do they remember students names and faces?

Did they know Ace's older brother? What was their impression of him?

What's a quirk they have regarding how they teach their class? (e.g. allowing cheat sheets, mandatory brain breaks, pop quizzes, weird disciplining, etc.) If they're not a teacher, how is the way they interact with students different than they interact with coworkers?

What's their opinion on Crowley/Ambrose? Given the opportunity, would they take over as headmage?

How do they feel about all the overblots? Do they ever feel slightly responsible or like they should have been there to support the students more?

How do they deal with entitled attitudes or otherwise disrespectful students?

Are there any students they've come to see as their own kid? How do they feel about the one magicless student on campus?

Do they enjoy being a part of student gossip/actively involved in student drama?

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Do they stim? What are they and what triggers it? How much do they mask?

What's something they'll never leave home without?

What was the main inspiration behind their design?

What's in their bag? (link to picrew)(if you want)

How do they handle caffeine? If they need/enjoy it, what's their preferred method of consumption? Have they ever concerned anyone with their intake?

Do they have any family heirlooms? What is it, and how long has it been in the family?

What's the fastest way to piss them off? To calm them down? To cheer them up?

What is their ideal date, be it romantic/platonic or otherwise?

Have they thought about their dream home? What's an absolute must have?

What are their minor fears?

Do they have any regrets?

If they could go back in time and talk to themselves, what age would they want to talk to? What would they say?

Do they have light in their eyes? If not, is there anything that sparks it, even temporarily?

What's their relationship with their parents? Siblings?

If they could magically change ONE aspect of their life immediately with no repercussions, what would it be?

Do they have any body modifications or tattoos? Any that aren't obvious just looking at them/in uniform?

What's their guilty pleasure?

If they could fight anyone with a guaranteed win against them, who would it be?

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OTL I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS but I'm going to leave it at that for now <3

If you're new to tumblr, the general rule of thumb is if you're going to reblog an ask game send an ask in too. Not to me. To whoever you RB from, okay <3? If you're RBing from me don't worry about sending one in unless you really want to sdkhlkf

Have fun <3

[firsttimemerlin]

There was a fic I read a long while ago that really put this into perspective for me. I'm working from memory here so 100% chance I misremember something. Arthur had been straight up tortured by magic as a kid and so even though he freed magic and everything he's still instinctually terrified of magic. Merlin's saying things eerily similar to what we later learn his torturer said (their magic loving him, I think it was). And Merlin broke up with him because of his remaining fear and it wasn't a clean break (and I don't know if this part is true but what I remember is that Merlin didn't even ask why or try to hear his side), and the thing that burrowed itself into my brain and has never left was the reaction of the knights (and I think others like staff and maybe townspeople too may also have been mentioned in passing?) after they broke up. They 100% blamed Arthur. Didn't ask his side. Didn't talk to him. Just treated him horribly. Just imagining that headspace of suddenly being completely isolated from your entire support network (minus one person) like that, and actively punished for the break up at that, because you couldn't bring yourself to tell your now ex lover something deeply traumatizing where his very existence triggers you (and still legalized it!!) still fucks me up. Like?? I do not remember anyone other than the person who already knew about it (Leon) actually talking to Arthur about what happened. Everyone who was supposed to care about him turned their backs on him because Merlin broke up with him!! It's so fucked!! (This was intentional in the fic btw. I wouldn't feel comfortable using it as a specific example if I was denigrating it.)

A merthur fic thing that drives me nuts that I think you might understand: where everyone either outright says or implies that Merlin is ‘too good’ for Arthur and both Merthur agree.

I feel like even in the best of fics where Arthur has his own friends and all the relationships aren’t only skewed towards Merlin and it feels balanced; there will always be one paragraph where Arthur is ‘jokingly’ put down and told to be ‘grateful’ for Merlin.

I didn’t think much of it initially. Because of course Arthur would think the world of Merlin. But fic after fic after post made for a very ugly picture. And it’s even worse when for the sake of ‘banter’, Merlin never tells Arthur how happy he is that Arthur loves him and was chosen by him too.

Yess omg I’m glad somebody else is driven crazy by this. But yeah I’ve just come to the conclusion that people that right these sort of fics don’t like Arthur and only ship Merthur bc 1. It’s popular or 2. To have Merlin worshipped.

Because there’s no way they liked Arthur and treat him like that. And to have his friends who have spoken up a million times about how good they think he is immediately start saying he wasn’t good enough for someone is insane.

Now the whole Merlin agreeing/not saying anything is so wildly out of character I don’t even care anymore. In no world is Merlin going to sit and let Arthur be told he wasn’t good enough for him or even agree with it.

[windvexer]

Using tarot to read on magical events in your own practice: quick theory, new card meanings, and spread ideas

this post is OC based on my personal tarot practice; the examples given are hypothetical for the sake of this post.

Well-meaning guy: "If you think that event was a bad omen, why not read tarot to clarify?"

Person who learned tarot from popular online resources and introspection-focused art decks: "I drew the 6/Cups, so I guess my ward falling off the wall is about my inner child?"

Tarot meanings change and evolve over time. Historical meanings are often not the same, or even contrary to, modern meanings. (Consider, 6/Pentacles: the French present moment was misinterpreted to mean presents, gifts).

By acknowledging that many modern meanings available for tarot cards are modern interpretations for modern concerns, many of which have fuckall to do with witchcraft, we can also acknowledge that we can apply our own sets of meanings to tarot to achieve personal interpretations in pursuit of personal goals.

I call this concept symbol sets, and you can apply your own symbol sets to certain tarot readings in order to rapidly obtain information about magical events in your life.

Symbol sets can be swapped out for each reading. You can intend to operate on your "normal meanings" for a typical reading, and then intend to operate with "magical omen meanings" for another reading.

There are no such things as universal tarot card meanings; there are some traditional meanings, some historical meanings, and many modern meanings. Adjust what each card means to you to your heart's delight.

The more symbol sets I've developed and practiced with, the more versatile and accurate my tarot reading has become. Working with custom symbol sets might be the single biggest leap in my reading ability in 16 years of practice. At least, it feels that way!

Quick n' Dirty Symbol Set for Magical Omens, Appropriate for Everyday Use

1. Apply general portents to each suit which matches your magical practice.

Here is one set that could be suitable to troubleshooting potentially magic events:

Swords, or Air: Misfortune, betrayal, malefica, ill-intent, adversity, due to harmful (even if unintentional) spirit action, pointless or wasted effort. Sometimes, banishing, binding and hexes.

Wands, or Fire: A lot of power, excessive power, due to your own actions, uncontained energy, something you did was very much overdone. Sometimes, protection and empowerment.

Pentacles, or Earth: Mundane, physical and normal reasons, an everyday occurrence, mundane but natural growth and change. Sometimes, unlocking and unblocking.

Cups, or Water: Blessings, magic working as intended (even if unexpectedly), the normal course of magical events, magical growth and change. Sometimes, cleansing and purifying.

Major Arcana: Guiding spirits and gods; their behaviors, guidance, or messages.

A spirit worker might like to add an additional layer of complexity, which modifies the prior set:

Court Cards: The actions of another being, such as a practitioner, god, or spirit, whether they acted intentionally to bring about the event or not.

(Further breakdown, as an example: Swords courts are beings intentionally acting badly; Wands courts are the most important spirits of your path; Pentacles courts are mundane folk or spirits unrelated to your path; Water courts are other practitioners, or spirits related to your path without being in your "inner court.")

Interpret any card drawn within these principles. Here are a few random examples. Let's say, a money spell has failed to produce results, and we'd like to know why.

5/Cups [disappointment, failure]: This is the normal course of magical events; the spell wasn't cast well, and so nothing is happening.

9/Wands [determination, boundaries]: A lot of energy was raised, but incorrectly targeted or released; the energy is cooped up.

Judgment [judgment]: An important spirit in your path wants you to deal with what you have been avoiding, and will interfere with your magic until you face them.

Spread Ideas

"What's going on with that thing?" | 3 cards

Card 1: The source or cause

Card 2: The current state of affairs

Card 3: Suggested action

Example; the money jar doesn't work: Card 1, King/Swords: The source of failure was the person in the discord server who promised to curse you for not feeling the same way about Destiel as they did. Card 2, Page/Pentacles: The current state of affairs is that as a symptom of the curse, an unaware person or spirit is blocking the prosperity you seek. Card 3, Queen/Cups: Ask a benevolent spirit or helpful practitioner friend to assist you in unblocking the situation.

Determining responsibility | 2 cards

Card 1: Why this thing happened

Card 2: Why it didn't happen; one thing that wasn't the cause at all

Example; the ward fell off the wall: Card 1, 10/Pentacles: This happened because of random happenstance in the home; it was not a magical event. Card 2, Ace/Swords: This action was unrelated to malefica or bad spirits or things like that.

Foresight Before Acting | 4 cards

Card 1: The current state of affairs

Card 2: The outcome of your intended plan of action

Card 3: Recommended plan of action

Card 4: The outcome of the recommended plan

Example; the spirits did not seem to appear during a spirit petition spell: Card 1, 3/Wands: Sufficient energy was raised to attract the attention of spirits, but they may not have been properly called to action. Card 2, 6/Swords: Your plan to call the spirits back and re-cast the spell is a fruitless attempt at a transition into a new plan. Card 3, Empress: Communicate with your primary goddess or powerful spirit of the earth and obtain input and guidance. Card 4, Magician: This plan will result in obtaining important magical information about this type of summoning spell you are trying to achieve.

[aimasup]

just found some Valiant AU development sketches and notes in my old OLD sketchbook

I really thought it would be a webtoon

long post warning! And I mean long looooooooong post. If you get to the bottom and go "I'm not reading allat" I do not blame you

more under the cut:

^^^ OC

General notes:

This Valiant AU was meant to be a solarpunk superhero slice of life that slowly reveals a heavier plot, mostly focusing on character interactions and personal growth

White Hat Incorporated is a struggling, newbie business and clients are rare

The episodes can range from domestic shenanigans like fixing a leaking pipe or getting dinner, to running their business by defeating the villain of the week

The villains and heroes stay in their roles from canon. The only ones with major changes are our main 4 guys

All major information about White Hat would be discovered from the point of view of Lumencia and Zug as they realize that not only is PEACE corrupt, but that their boss is neither human nor demon nor alien

Now onto the characters themselves:

Dr. Zug Gleis

Like his name suggests, he likes trains. His train is also a drill that was an attempt to burrow out of government's arrest

Which he then modified into a laboratory, each train cart being a unique kind of laboratory for surveillance, medicine, etc. He sleeps very uncomfortably in cramped spaces and likes it that way

V.I.R.U.S is now a software he created and repurposed into his bratty computer assistant, now Cambot. She's also the one recording all their commercials and making his coffee. Basically Zug doesn't get along with ANY of his children

He doesn't like to leave his laboratories, so he set up a network of tunnels through White Hat's mansion that send and receive messages, inventions, food, etc. There's one little chute for these in most parts of the place

His arc was focusing on his inability to accept help from others because he sees any kind gesture as a possible way to control him. Even worse if the kind person genuinely means it, because he also sees accepting kindness as a handicap, a debt

His villainy was an easy way to make money and show the world his capability without any assistance from any hero or villain organization

Really, he just wants to be able to do whatever he wants, but his need to be the best or else he's the worst is tiring for him. Anger issues don't help

This stemmed from a past of constantly being bullied and compared to his brother, Goldheart

After dropping out of hero college, Zug became his own supervillain's known as The Mad Condoctor, whose theme was, you guessed it, trains. He stole trains, modified scrap metal, targeted stations and trade centers, held hostages, prepared puzzles for heroes to solve, etc

The Mad Condoctor was notorious for being uncooperative and a backstabber. He operated at night and was an expert in secret missions, spyware and tech-based combat and the likes

By the first season finale he would have genuinely cared for his coworkers but still didn't value his own life, so he let himself be taken in by PEACE. The crew have to go retrieve their idiot and many things about White Hat Incorporated are revealed to the public after they clash with their local PEACE headquarters

He finds authority annoying and hates seeing people kiss up. Mostly shameless in his actions and doesn't much care for other people's opinions. Can be honest to the point of hurting

So he is a terrible liar. It's like he's allergic to it or something. Prefers to lie by omission

Will only call White Hat 'sir' and 'jefecito' sarcastically or to get a point across. Unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him at the end of the series whoops

Lumencia

A superwoman with horse-like powers that decided to choose unicorns as her motif because that's way cooler. She has kicks and punches that convert her diet into energy, which is great because she loves eating

Changed it up so that Lumencia is the resident prankster and WH tells puns, not the other way around

She has a room with a slanted ceiling which she can climb out the window of to lie and chill on the roof. She's also converted that space, where flat roof meets slanted roof, into an outdoor cinema/gym, decorated with christmas lights. The mansion is a three-way clash of decorative styles from afar

She doesn't have a license to be a hero, but she helps out wherever she can anyway, stopping purse snatchers and helping lost children find their parents and such

In fact, she is actually one of the most beloved people in the little town they live near, with many residents familiar with her buffoonery but affirming her as a reliable source of help

She's also relatively well-known online, as she posts videos of her playing the guitar and well-intentioned but nonsensical 'Lumencia Tips', filled with terrible puns and comic-like ballpoint pen doodles

Her arc would have focused on letting herself acknowledge her strengths that aren't related to fighting

Shes very buddy-buddy with petty criminals and shop owners alike, able to strike up a conversation and make pals no matter who they are. Once she deems you chill, you can chill, yknow? This isn't on purpose.

Even though she has gross taste in food and is messier than Zug, her handwriting is very pretty and neat. She also is very good at graffiti and sticks to an aesthetic, with glitter and y2k stickers and denim-clad wizards on skateboards, all the works

She has a very straightforward view on heroics and is not big on plans, preferring to punch her way out of situations or annoy her enemies to tears. In fact, her main goal is to become an official part of one of the many PEACE-brand hero leagues.

There's other hero corporations too but PEACE is the number one in America

So one day she just showed up on White Hat's doorstep and never left because it would 'look good on her resume'.

Previously, she bounced from place to place, relying on connections and the occasional tip from her halfway-illegal heroism efforts to get by. She also doesn't remember where her powers are from, only that her parents worked at PEACE and where killed by 'villains' when she was a little girl

Her favourite place is the funfair because that's the last nice memory she had

By season two she would have started another arc where she learns that she was an experiment and her parents were killed by their own higher ups in PEACE to silence them, and she has to come to terms with why she even wants to be a hero as well as stand her ground when her optimism is challenged.

Lumencia's music is like whatever Equestria Girls and Electric Mayhem have going on. I think the genre is power pop? Either way it sounds like those elaborate 80s radical van murals look

Is an effortless liar in the sense that she says the most batshit things with utmost confidence and treats consequences like an afterthought.

Only calls White Hat 'White Hat' and not 'boss' when she feels the situation calls for it. Also unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him by the end of the series

624

An extra set of hands that cleans the place and helps out with their little business. Does not like being interuppted when listening to music

Goes from 'fucking hate these guys' to 'they give me food therefore they are mine' in the span of the entire series

Quite lazy, plays the winning side. Which is usually the heroes here

Dunno if I'd call his arc an arc. All I know is there's an episode where his spoilt teenager-ismd hits their peak and Zug and Lumencia have to reach an understanding with him by respecting his boundaries and helping him feel secure

And after that episode, 624 stopped being a total catalyst for disaster plotwise

White Hat

He is one of the comic reliefs and manages White Hat Incorporated, often making really stupid decisions because profit is not on his mind

The final voice I settled on for him was fucking Australian Markiplier

His "growth" would be the characters and readers seeing him to actually be a caring, experienced-in-heroics-but-not-business individual who gives really sound advice and becomes a source of comfort for his close friends

But is still a MEGA-PRICK. Every time he gets beat up it's for a valid reason

In canon, villainy triumphs because Black Hat is there. In the Valiant AU, the story is in the heroes' favour because White Hat is in his place.

I wanted him to be (mostly) opposite to Black Hat in many ways! BH's office is huge, minimalistic, corporate and cold, while WH's office is small, maximalistic, filled with sentimental items and like a warm cabin.

BH basks in hellfire and while WH does use fire, he prefers the ocean. BH enjoys golf, WH enjoys dancing. BH takes himself seriously, WH very much doesn't. BH detests everything, WH has an appreciation for everything. And etc...

They're still horrible creepy eldritch monstrosities, the fish theme for WH is just because he likes ocean shit and fish are scary

BH has made himself known globally and universally, he has statues and monuments and paintings

WH has nothing; White Hat is five years old. This is his first time being White Hat

But he's been around since the beginning of time, taking many forms and names, learning the wonders of the universe and giving all of his time to help however he could

He believed this to be natural, he's the one of a kind who doesn't need rest or food. He can't die or get really hurt, and would later learn he couldn't bear to love either

Some of the things he was included many plants and animals before the humans, then farmers and warriors, witches and politicians, an entertainer vigilante, a writer, a parent, a fur-clad warrior in the snow, guiding forces of nature, and a female pirate.

I wanted him to cycle through the entire alignment chart in terms of morality as he exhausted everything he could do to make a difference

After World War 2 on earth, his psyche gave out and he collapsed into a long, long nap; a shadow pooling in a lake, his favourite

Finally woke up and decided to take his own form not based on any species or star or tree, chose his own outfit and everything

And made his debut as White Hat, forged documents to start a small business for heroes support

He doesn't have an arc, but if he did, he would be in the midst of learning to let himself get attached again and be properly selfish. Maybe identity issues.

But he doesn't have an arc

And so really only serves to help out Zug and Lumencia. He's comfortable with no one knowing these things about him ever, because what would they even do if they did?

Wouldn't change anything, they wouldn't understand the full scope even, so he's at peace with himself right now, grateful that he's alive for once

He uses manipulation to direct conversations away from himself and get people to spill their feelings, or burrow into their trauma without using magic

if he wants he can let loose to trigger some kind of indescribable primal instinct within a person, that cripples them with terror and despair and love for the sublime face of something divine, bigger than the observable universe. He doesn't like doing this.

He's a fan of ice and shadow manipulation, he thinks the colours go well with his coat

Most animals hate him and he cries about it

He also cries when he tries to download an app on a laptop

He is a competent medical doctor, babysitter, and waiter. In fact, he seems to have infinite patience and calm when he isn't whining over dessert like a toddler

The human skeleton hanging in his office is real

Hopelessly attached to Lumencia, Zug and 624 by the end of the series but they don't need to know that

This AU will forever make me warm and fuzzy inside I love them so much, I had so many locations planned, started Pinterest boards and shit

Instead I think I'll take some of these things and apply them to my OCs instead! HUGE thanks to everyone who enjoyed this version of this AU while it lasted! Maybe it'll come back one day, maybe not. Likely not

[gophergal]

Behold, a silly AU I've been yapping to @cursed--alien about for... A week? Or two? Idk. Either way this is what they called Nine Mercs And A Baby, in which Medic creates a test tube baby (using his and Heavy's genetics) to develop an artificial womb then gets really attached to the resulting offspring. I'm not much of a fankid or kidfic person (kids weird me out), but this AU has really grown on me despite being a joke at first

(more details under the cut)

Before their "birth", Medic refused to acknowledge the question of what he was planning on doing with the baby if it survived. After it was born he claimed that he was only keeping it to study human growth and development first hand

Medic is extremely weird about fatherhood. He's simultaneously really anxious and distant. He knows he's not cut out to be a primary caregiver. It's just not something he's capable of, and he thinks himself too old for this nonsense. However, once he realizes that he really does have the support of his dysfunctional found family, he allows himself to learn to be a better father

The kid was raised relatively gender neutral. Ever read the book "X: a fabulous child's story"? They're not quite that neutral, but they're not really forced into gender roles or expectations. They have two first names (one feminine, one masculine), but no one in their family uses them. Most of the time they're just called the Kid, but everyone has a nickname for 'em. They don't care about pronouns all that much. (C'mon, they're my OC and I headcanon Medic as transmasc. There was no way they wouldn't be some flavor of nonbinary)

Heavy treasures his child and is so fucking protective. He's wrapped around their little finger. Though everyone helps out with their needs, he's his child's primary caregiver and no decisions are made about them without Papa Bear knowing

They're born in 1968 and spend the first four years of their life living on the base. MvM doesn't happen in this AU, so once the Gravel Wars end, Red Team goes their separate ways... At first. After a year or so they start trickling back together because nothing feels quite as right as being A Team. Kid only had about a year of their life where they didn't have a big family to rely on

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but the only Major Issue in the family (at least for Kid) is how distant Medic is despite being their actual Legal Father. He tries, but he's afraid of smothering them or pressuring them into following in his footsteps. Had he been younger when they were born, he probably wouldn't have cared. But having the opportunity to form strong bonds has made him a softer man. Regardless, they still love each other, and Kid feels lucky to have a dad like him

[wild-karrde]

That opening quote? And it's applicability to Kazi and her story? BIG OUCH RIGHT OUT THE GATE. I SEE YOU, ALLI.

I love how you use the bruises to weave in a little bit more insight into the current state of the galaxy with the bacta production, and also a bit more of Kazi's backstory with respect to the herbal medicine. But those bruises? Wolffe isn't gonna let it stand.

Also, THE TENSION? DeLICIOUS. And protective Wolffe? WE LOVE HIM.

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” he snarled. “You have a handprint on your fucking neck and I need to know what happened.” “And I told you it doesn’t concern you or your brothers, so you can fuck off—” “You can trust me.” Wolffe worked his jaw, his voice quieting. “I want you to trust me.”

THEY. ARE. JUST. SO. GOOD.

For a majority of her life, Kazi had carefully cultivated and nourished a façade. A façade of disinterest, aloofness, and absolute control over her emotions. She was unflappable and independent. Disciplined and level-headed. She bore responsibility for Neyti and Daria; she couldn’t be weak and broken.  But it was lonely. To rely on herself, to maintain the pretense she was competent and in control. Perfect.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE HER SO RELATABLE, ALLI. HOW DARE.

Also, Wolffe telling her the truth about the resistance has me cheering and also understanding what a gut punch that is for Kazi. She's invested SO MUCH into the network, but having the fault of it all laid so bare has to be jarring, and I love the way you wrote her reaction to it.

Wolffe cocked a brow. “Do you really want Neyti to see that?”

GAH. HIM. HIM.

“Because it’s my life on the line,” he snapped. “And my life doesn’t mat—”

Hi. Hey, Alli. Hi. Yeah. You'll be hearing from my therapist about this line in particular.

Hours ago, solid sheets of rain watered the jungle’s rolling hills. Now, the skies were somber. The quiet and emptiness after a good cry. 

YOUR IMAGERY IS IMMACULATE AND I KNOW I SHOUT ABOUT IT AT LEAST ONCE PER COMMENT, BUT JFC, ALLI THIS IS BRILLIANT.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your blatant staring.”

HA.

And then Fox is carving the blackbird??? MY EMOTIONS. And him insisting on teasing Neyti, even though he knows it bugs her, keeping his distance a bit. His characterization here is just SO GOOD.

And OOOOO I love your description of the aging gene here. I've always toyed with the theories on that in my brain and why they would/wouldn't want it to keep aging at an accelerated rate (my engineering brain went down the particularly dark path of "planned obsolescence"...), and I think how Fox discusses it here makes perfect sense on how it would play into the decommission.

OOOOOF this background with Fox and Palps is SO GOOD and SO HARD TO READ. His story is so complex and I love the direction you're taking it in here.

AND THE WOLFFE ARM PAT. I GIGGLED GLEEFULLY.

Fox chuffed a strained chuckle. “Wolffe is single-minded when it comes to his goals. He’ll run these missions—and run himself ragged—until he either shifts his focus elsewhere or learns to live with the guilt.” Kazi frowned. “Guilt for what?” “Surviving the war.”

OK ALSO ADD THIS TO MY THERAPIST TALKING POINTS.

Have I told you I love this story?

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Part II - Chapter IX

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4K

Beta. @starstofillmydream

“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” – Bertrand Russel

22 Helona

The lake was nestled in a clearing down the hill from the house.

Kazi discovered it the first week she moved to Eluca. Fehr said the lake was an old fishing hole used for sport; however, over the decades, the fish population deteriorated and died. Today, the sole creatures that visited the lake were various aquatic birds and the occasional frog.  

Roughly a hundred meters in length, the lake’s deepest point was no more than six meters. The water was translucent blue, a unique feature most Elucan lakes claimed. Even the pit of the lake was visible and served as an illusion, making it appear shallower than it truly was. Fehr had warned her about the deception, and Kazi had made sure Neyti knew to never visit the lake alone.

Beneath a gray sky bloated with coming rain, Kazi swam laps. 

The swim was, obviously, different than her morning swims on Ceaia. Fresh water. Visible depths. Water contained. Waves and currents a nonexistent issue. Sometimes a monkey perched on the branches of the trees overlooking the water and appraised her routine. The brown, furry creatures scurried away the moment she noticed them. 

Lazily backstroking, Kazi studied the skies above. Her neck still ached and the skin was raw. Bruises still painted her skin purple and blue. She couldn’t even swim properly—twisting her neck to the side to breathe hurt too much, which was why she had taken to backstrokes. She needed a bacta salve if she wanted the bruises to heal quickly. But bacta was too expensive. 

Carefully regulated by the Empire, bacta could only be found on the black market. It was one of the Empire’s first laws—to prevent “Separatist rebels” from receiving efficient medical care. 

All bacta production sites were managed by the Imps, and a large purchase flagged Imperial security systems. Only med centers and military bases received a substantial amount of bacta supply, and even those were carefully documented. Planetary systems could request large quantities separate from med centers, but it was unlikely the Empire would supply them. 

One of the benefits of Ceaian culture was the emphasized importance of apothecaries and herbal medicine. Hence Daria’s bruise salve Kazi used last night and this morning. Herbal medicine wasn’t effective like bacta. But it was more useful than nothing. 

Another lap completed, body fatigued and stomach cramping from renewed menstrual pain, Kazi called it. She surveyed the darkening sky once more and then started toward the shore. Until she noticed the person sitting on the log where she kept her shoes and towel. 

Unease pinched her stomach. She inhaled a slow breath to calm the sudden race of her heart. Wolffe was watching her, his expression unreadable. 

The fallen log bordered the edge of the lake, water lapping at its smooth trunk. Kazi stalked through the thigh-high water and stopped a meter before Wolffe.

“What are you doing here?”

Rather than his usual morning attire, he was outfitted in gray sweats and a black long-sleeve. Dark marks smeared his under-eyes and the lines on his face were more pronounced. He looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept. And yet his gaze remained as attentive as ever.

Forearms pressed to his thighs, Wolffe scanned the lake. He seemed to be intentionally avoiding her direction. “Why do you swim?”

His purposeful ignorance irked her and she rolled her eyes, glaring at the trees behind him.

“I like the water.” Sliding into her flipflops, she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her body. “My father took me sailing almost every day. And since I can’t sail here, I might as well swim.”

Finally, Wolffe looked at her. “Is your father on Ceaia?”

“He’s dead.” Kazi considered him. “He died when I was ten. It’s been a long time.”

An uncomfortably long moment passed. Wolffe searched her face. The assessment in his gaze felt like a knife cutting into her, peeling her open. 

A breeze, chillier than usual, whispered along her skin and she fought a shiver. 

“Your mother—”

“Is dead. Everyone is dead.” She didn’t like this line of questioning, and she didn’t like the calculation in his expression. “Loss is a normal part of life and some have experienced it more than others. As you’re familiar with.”

His lips pressed in a disapproving line. “I don’t want your pity—”

“Likewise.”

“I was asking to figure you out—”

“It’s really none of your business.”

Wolffe pushed himself to his feet. “You say that a lot.” 

They were standing far too close and Kazi wanted to step back. To create distance. Wolffe was taller than her. Broad shoulders and healthy fat sculpted the body of a battle-hardened soldier. This close proximity was intimidating, but her pride kept her glued to her spot.

“You tell me it’s not my business,” Wolffe said, voice low and edged with restraint. “But you come back here with a fucking handprint on your neck, Ennari. Tell me how that’s not my business.”

Kazi stilled. Her teeth gritted.

“I have assumptions.” Wolffe ran his tongue along his teeth. “None of them are good.”

“If it’s your brothers’ safety you’re worried about,” she said, “I can assure you I haven’t betrayed you—”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” The annoyance in his tone was overt and he released a sardonic exhale. “I thought we were past that.”

“I did too,” she said sharply. “But you’re out here, in my space, accusing me—” 

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” he snarled. “You have a handprint on your fucking neck and I need to know what happened.”

“And I told you it doesn’t concern you or your brothers, so you can fuck off—”

“You can trust me.” Wolffe worked his jaw, his voice quieting. “I want you to trust me.”

Shaking her head, Kazi looked toward the lake, toward the visible depths where sunken trees and aquatic plants mossed the lake floor. 

It wasn’t a question of trust. More a question of her own pride. She didn’t want Wolffe to know what happened yesterday simply because she was too raw from it. Not yet disconnected and numb. 

A look in the mirror this morning was too much. She saw a broken version of herself—eyes sunken, skin dull, mouth flattened. The woman she saw this morning was a version of herself she worked hard to hide from the world. 

A woman who yearned for things she didn’t deserve. A woman who wanted so much and yet refused to accept good things out of fear they would disappear. A woman who was tired and no longer wanted to rely on herself. 

For a majority of her life, Kazi had carefully cultivated and nourished a façade. A façade of disinterest, aloofness, and absolute control over her emotions. She was unflappable and independent. Disciplined and level-headed. She bore responsibility for Neyti and Daria; she couldn’t be weak and broken. 

But it was lonely. To rely on herself, to maintain the pretense she was competent and in control. Perfect.

It was so fucking lonely. 

“I told you,” Kazi murmured, eyes fixed on Wolffe’s shoulder, “it doesn’t concern you.”

“What do you want?” Wolffe lowered his head, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Do you want me to beg?”

She recoiled. “No.” 

“Tell me what I need to do to learn what happened.”

“I don’t understand why you want to know.” She released a shaky breath. “I can handle it on my own.”

“That’s the problem with you.” Wolffe cut a hand through his hair. “I don’t doubt your competence. But if you’re being abused by the network, we’re going to have a problem—”

“It was the magistrate.” She glanced at the surrounding trees again. “Not the network. They wouldn’t do that—”

Wolffe scoffed. “Those people have a goal in mind. And they’ll use whoever they can to achieve it. Even at the expense of your life.”

The truth in his words was brutal, but Kazi had always assumed it of the network. It was easier to pretend the rebels were moralistic. That they were the opposite of the Empire and would never use people to their advantage. Refusing to acknowledge the truth allowed her to pretend she wasn’t digging her own grave. 

“It wasn’t them,” she said.

Tentative fingers lifted her chin. Wolffe eyed her neck, his focus intense. “Was he trying to kill you?”

“I don’t know.” Softly, a finger traced her bruises and she swallowed. “He’s paranoid. He doesn’t know who he can trust. I think he was trying to threaten me to convince me of my loyalty to him.”

“I have bacta—”

Pulling away, she frowned. “How?”

“Our missions aren’t solely rescue-based.” He shrugged. “We do have a need for certain resources.”

It made sense. He and his brothers needed the efficacy bacta provided. 

“Save it,” she said. “For something more important.”

Wolffe cocked a brow. “Do you really want Neyti to see that?”

“Of course not,” she said. “But I have clothes that can hide it.”

Seemingly unconvinced, Wolffe looked away, rolling his shoulders back. The silence between them was awkward and strained. 

“Quit your job.”

The statement caught her off guard and she blinked dubiously at Wolffe. The seriousness in his features, the insistence in his tone, made her retreat a step. 

“I can’t.” She gestured to the house behind him. “I have to work to provide for my family. And I’m spying for the network.”

“The network is dangerous. You know that. You don’t owe them anything.”

“Do you really believe they’ll let me go?” She smiled ruefully at his stony scowl. “Unless I left Eluca, they won’t let me quit.”

Moving wasn’t an option either. Both she and Wolffe knew it. The information she had on the network, even if it were minimal and her interactions confined to few members, was a problem. The network wouldn’t risk their existence for a single person.

Kazi shrugged. “Like I said, it’s—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not my concern.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “The magistrate is looking into deserted clones. He suspects a spy in the Institute. Lack of information about possible rebel spies and deserted clones will further increase his paranoia. All of this concerns me.”

“I’m doing what I can,” she said defensively. “I think this was a fluke. He believes I’m loyal and it won’t happen again.”

“And what if he doubts you again? What happens then?” His gaze returned to her neck and his nostrils flared. “You could have died—”

“I know.” Her voice was trembling but she couldn’t stop it. A phantom touch—like the magistrate’s hand was once more squeezing her neck—brushed her skin. “I was the one there. I know what could have happened.”

“We can get you out—” 

“And take me where?” Throwing up her hands, she laughed. “There’s nowhere else to go.”

“There are remote places—”

“Yes, there are. Planets without the education Neyti needs. Planets without the medical care my sister needs.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw. “This is dangerous.”

“Your missions are dangerous. I don’t understand how this is any different.”

“Because it’s my life on the line,” he snapped. “And my life doesn’t mat—”

An uncomfortable grimace contorted his features and Wolffe scowled at a point behind her. Kazi could only stare at him, too tired to respond, too numb to comfort. Anyway, she doubted Wolffe would care for her response. He despised pity.  

A handful of raindrops pricked her arms. Small and cold. Just like how she felt on the inside.

“If something happens to me,” she started, voice brittle. Empty. “Will you make sure Neyti and Daria are okay?”

Wolffe exhaled a strained breath, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes returned to hers. His gaze was unwavering. He studied her for a long time; she was surprised there was anything left to see.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Ennari.” He squared his shoulders. “Nothing.”

The static of galactic news hummed in the sunroom. Clouds a dark gray, like the charcoal used to start a fire, layered the sky. Hours ago, solid sheets of rain watered the jungle’s rolling hills. Now, the skies were somber. The quiet and emptiness after a good cry. 

Kazi stood at the windows overlooking the dreary afternoon. Tucked among the knee-high ferns sat Neyti and, to her bemusement, Nova. The man held a neatly tied collection of bird feathers. A myriad of colors, from moonless black to opaque white to a rainbow of blues and indigos, the feathers ranged in length and thickness. 

Nova said something to Neyti. The youngling scrutinized the feathers, eyebrows knitted and mouth wrinkled. She reached for the largest feather, cerulean blue with sketched lines of black. 

Nodding, Nova set the feathers on the ground, all except for the cerulean one. He stroked a finger down the rachis, and then offered the feather to Neyti who mimicked. A small, toothless smile lit her face.

Kazi felt herself smile similarly.

From the kitchen, a timer beeped. Muffled voices spoke and a quiet laugh drifted to the sunroom. Daria was teaching Cody one of the sisters’ favorite recipes—Ceaian sea-cakes, a traditional breakfast more common during the winter holidays. 

Why Daria wanted to teach Cody the recipe was beyond Kazi. The dish was nothing more than tradition—even if it was a staple of their childhood—and tradition only those from Ceaia could appreciate. She doubted Cody had any interest in Ceaian culture. Why would he care?

A twist of the radio and the staticky voices loudened. 

“…in an astonishing turn of events, Emperor Palpatine made an unannounced appearance at the Galactic Senate…

“…after the shocking news that an Imperial admiral ordered the destruction of Kaminoan cities…  

“Emperor Palpatine was quoted: ‘With this momentous act, we shall usher in a new era. Heralded by the Imperial stormtrooper.’...” 

Searching the backyard, Kazi redirected her attention to Wolffe. Beneath a canopy of thick trees, he and Fox had outlined a perimeter of short stakes. The area was around fifteen meters in length and five meters wide. 

The two men were out there for hours. Ever since the rain released its hold. Currently, Wolffe knelt on the ground, hammering two pieces of wood together. 

Kazi had half a mind to ask him what he and Fox were building. But, after this morning, she was avoiding him. She regretted their conversation, and she regretted revealing certain fears and uncertainties. She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t good enough to— 

“I was wondering where those two had gone.”

Kazi jerked away from the window and spun around. Standing at her side, close enough she could elbow him, was a freshly-showered Fox.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your blatant staring.”

“I wasn’t staring,” she muttered. Smoothing an unwrinkled spot on her shirt, she ignored his amused look. “I was wondering where Neyti had gotten to.”

“She’s a remarkable kid.”

Outside, Neyti held the stack of feathers, mystified by whatever Nova was showing her on his datapad. The man had a particular interest in medicine and trauma therapy, according to Daria who had gifted Nova one of her old medical books to study. Based on Neyti’s blatant confusion, Kazi assumed Nova was showing her something related to the biological breakdown of bird feathers.

“I’m sorry,” Kazi said quietly. In the corner of her eye, Fox stiffened, carefully scanning the green mass beyond the windows. “For snapping at you when you were obviously joking.”

“We’re all protective of family,” Fox said. His words were contemplative, but a hint of warning underscored his tone. 

Seemingly satisfied with his assessment of the backyard, Fox took a seat in a chair across the room. A position where he could see the partition, backdoor, and anything outside the windows. It was then that Kazi noticed the objects in his hands. An old, rusted knife and a chunk of wood. 

Intricate lines carved the wood into a simple shape. Kazi appraised the figurine, her lips parting in surprise.

The carving was a familiar black bird. The same bird Neyti had insisted on burying two days ago.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” The intense concentration on Fox’s face belied his casual demeanor. 

“I think she will.” Kazi took the seat beside him. “You know, she would probably like you more if you didn’t tease her so much.”

He breathed a quiet chuckle. “I know.”

The solemnity in his answer was begrudging, and it revealed something she hadn’t yet known: Fox didn’t want to get close to Neyti. The teasing remarks—the soft glares and adorable scowls he received in return—were his way to maintain a distinctive line. A barrier not to be crossed. 

Kazi recognized it. Because she did it too. 

Over the years she had distanced herself from everyone. Family. Friends. Coworkers. Similar to Fox, she had distanced herself on purpose. Because closeness, companionship, created a vulnerability, a happiness that could easily be stolen the moment the companion left. 

“The Senate is still debating the decommissioning of clones,” she said, changing conversation. “It seems they’ll vote in favor.”

“They’d be real stupid to do it.” Fox flicked the tip of his knife. “But it makes sense why they’ll go through with it.”

Kazi frowned. “I thought you would support the bill.”

He slid his eyes in her direction. “And why would you think that?”

“The Empire will no longer use clone soldiers. They’ll be free from service.” She paused, hesitating. “That’s the entire purpose of your missions, isn’t it? To free those men?”

“The purpose of our missions is to rescue.” Setting aside his knife and block of wood, Fox lounged back in his chair. “We’re rescuing the ones who want out.”

Static from the radio chirped and Kazi lowered it.

“Decommissioning is the Empire’s way of cleaning up a mess they don’t want to deal with anymore,” Fox said. “Clones don’t have a pension plan. They don’t have retirement savings. They’ll be decommissioned and tossed aside. Forgotten by the galaxy they fought to protect. They’ll be jobless, homeless, and left without a purpose.”

Kazi glanced at the half-finished puzzle littering the table—the puzzle Wolffe had been working on the last two weeks. “I don’t understand why the Empire wants to decommission clones. No natborn can compete with your training and skillset. Clones will always be superior soldiers, and for a government that desires power, the most efficient and effective military is a clone military.”

A wry smile darkened Fox’s face. “You’re forgetting the aging gene.”

“I thought the aging gene was degenerative.” She leaned forward. “The Ceaian government intercepted Kaminoan intel and we were told the aging gene stopped acceleration at twenty-six. Is that not true?” 

“It is.” Fox shrugged at her exasperated scowl. “The aging gene’s degeneration was kept quiet. The Kaminoans were pressed their experimentation was faulty. And one bad gene raised questions of other possible degenerations.”

“Which could lead to an investigation into the chips, and if the general public knew about the chips’ existence, it could lead to questioning of the Empire’s authority. Even questioning Palpatine himself.” Kazi scoffed, tapping the plush armrest of her chair. “So Palpatine is cleaning up his mess.”

Fixing the cuff of his gray button-down, Fox appeared insouciant to the revelation. Then again, he seemed to have already considered and assessed the situation at depth. 

“Clones aren’t droids,” Fox said, rolling the cuff on his right wrist. “We have minds of our own. And Palpatine is starting to wonder if the clone army will remain loyal to him. He thinks it’ll be easier to decommission them. He’ll create a new army from those propagandized to support him.”

They lapsed into brief silence, Kazi musing their conversation. Something about his tone struck her.

“You talk about Palpatine like you knew him,” she commented. Years of training kept Fox’s features composed, but Kazi had also spent years studying the subtle changes in posture and expressions. She noted the sudden wariness in his eyes. The slight tightness around his mouth. “Did you know him?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’m only curious.”

Shaking his head, Fox shifted his attention to the windows, tapping a finger against the armrest of his chair. He sighed. 

“I served Palpatine.”

The guarded reticence in his face reminded Kazi of Wolffe’s mistrust, and she realized he expected her to react poorly. Probably accuse him or stalk away.

A month ago she would have. A month ago, she would have considered this proof the men were hiding their true motivations and they weren’t to be trusted. 

“I’m surprised you aren’t yelling at me.” Fox chuckled bitterly.

She shrugged. “I’m not one for yelling.”

“That’s not what Wolffe said.” Kazi rolled her eyes, and Fox relaxed marginally, dark brown eyes searching her face. “I wouldn’t blame you. If you went to Wolffe or Cody and told them I couldn’t stay.” He grinned. “Some of the men we rescue don’t trust me.”

The words were flat, bored and uncaring, and yet Kazi noted a hint of exhaustion. 

“Why not?” she asked.

“I was a good soldier,” Fox said. “I obeyed my orders. I didn’t question them. I took my job seriously, and I made hard decisions not everyone agreed with. I earned a…certain reputation among the ranks.” 

His deceptive casualness was well-practiced, and she couldn’t help but wonder how often he pretended to be in control. How often others overlooked his collected appearance. 

“I was loyal to Palpatine. Until the very end.” His gaze grew unfocused. “I did things I shouldn’t have.”

“We all do bad things,” she said, “and we all make mistakes—”

“These weren’t simple mistakes.” 

For a long moment, Kazi and Fox sat in pensive silence, the shifting of pans from the kitchen and the static from the radio serving as background noise. Kazi watched Neyti play with her bird feather, smiling smally at the little girl’s enthusiasm. Her attention shifted to Wolffe. He was drinking from a bottle, his long-sleeved shirt matted with sweat, the white fabric clinging to his dark skin. 

“What will you do,” she said, “once decommissioning starts?”

“Decommissioning can mean a number of things.” Fox ran a finger down the stem of the spindly plant sitting beside him. One of Daria’s, the dark green plant almost reached Kazi’s shoulders when she stood. “Certain units will be kept in service. There will be clones forced to train new soldiers. We’ve even heard reports of possible clone detainment centers. We’ll keep busy.”

“How long will you do this for?” 

Outside, the breeze stole a feather from Neyti, carrying it to a tree branch. Neyti chased after it. But the branch was too high for her to reach. Before Kazi could help, Wolffe plucked the feather from the branch and returned it to Neyti. 

Hugging the feather to her chest, Neyti patted Wolffe on his arm and raced back to Nova who was absorbed in something on his datapad. Wolffe looked from his arm to Neyti, bemusement wrinkling his forehead. Kazi bit her tongue to stifle her amusement.

Sudden movement from Fox drew her attention back inside. He approached the windows, slipping his hands into his trousers’ pockets. “We’re committed to these missions for one of three reasons: responsibility, guilt, and atonement.”

Still seated, Kazi surveyed his side profile. 

“Cody believes it’s his responsibility to correct his wrongs, and that starts with his men. And Wolffe does it out of a twisted sense of guilt.” Fox rolled his shoulders in a move so similar to Wolffe it was eerie. “The missions give us purpose.”  

Kazi could relate to the sentiment. After University, her career gave her purpose. Meaning. It kept her alive, especially on those lonely nights when she didn’t understand why she existed. Those lonely nights when she questioned if someone would miss her—

Hesitantly, Kazi joined Fox at the windows. “Wolffe goes on every mission while you and Cody switch. Why is that?”

Fox chuffed a strained chuckle. “Wolffe is single-minded when it comes to his goals. He’ll run these missions—and run himself ragged—until he either shifts his focus elsewhere or learns to live with the guilt.”

Kazi frowned. “Guilt for what?”

“Surviving the war.”

Masterlist | Chapter 8 | Chapter 10

A/N: I’m afraid Fox’s words might get misconstrued: Fox is arguing that Wolffe’s guilt is an unhealthy coping mechanism that’s driving his life. He is not arguing that Wolffe needs a romantic partner to 1) fix him and 2) bring meaning to his life. Romantic relationships do not give purpose; they do not give someone a reason to live. And when it comes to the clones, I think any similar rhetoric reduces their personal aspirations, individualism, and humanity. 

Next chapter release – March 7th  

@ulchabhangorm