#Now imagine just how hilarious this can become in one point

[r3ynah]

Married in the past, married in the present

To think that the Amity Trio would get dragged by their children (Dan and Dani) into another universe as a form of vacation and to escape the annoying palace councils, was not something to be expected in the Fenton-Nightangle-Foley-Manson family. it was due for a vacation anyways.

But here's the catch, They decided they should atleast take a two month break with each other so they can explore this universe more, but they did agree that every 2 weeks they'll pass the custody of their kids with each other.

It was very eventful to say the least,

Tucker, got adopted. by the one and only Bruce Wayne how?? he doesn't know either, the only thing he can remember was Bruce Wayne shoving a couple of adoption papers in his face, and now he was suddenly a Wayne, he certainly was not complaining he gets to use their advance technologies without it getting corrupted by his partner Danny(he loved the guy, but he needed his daily screen time too.)

He finds out about their secret identities two days in, was not completely surprised to find a cave downstairs, "Every billionare has one, you're not unique." was his words before he went on and explore the cave leaving a very confused batfam. he agreed to help them but if its only for hacking and stuff connected to technology, and to only join them if it's really a life changing scenario.

He was the second one to have Dan and Dani, so when they found out they're dad got adopted by a rich billionaire they were equally disappointed, Tucker tried to defend himself for his poor decision, to say the batfam was shocked once again was an understatement, imagine finding that their new brother had two children and two partners was lnot part of their new years plan. Dan and Dani only took a couple of hours for them to fit in.

Sam, went on and became a vigilante, under Harley Quinn and poison ivy's care, with almost the same powers as Ivy and same humor as Harley the three of them certainly became close friends.

Sam definitely had fun blowing up factories, and proceed to prank cops and officials, she had a run with the infamous batfam a couple of times, mostly Robin, the first time they've met they had a spar with their own weapons ofcourse,but at the same time all Sam could think was: 'the hell's a kid doing vigilante work?'. Eventually they have bonded over different weapons and fighting styles, Batman had atleast tried to recruit Sam who goes by Foliahàrà at some point, but was turned down quite harshly.

She was the first one to take care of their children, Ivy loved Dan's brutality and Harley adored Dani's chaotic self. so they became the fun cool aunts of the two children, they have somepoint asked one peaceful breakfast who the other parents are, But the only thing Sam had said was they'll meet them someday.

Danny becomes a villain, a mad scientist to be exact wondering what'll happen if he follows in his parents footsteps, he also works alongside with Mr.Freeze, and they discuss a cure together for Mr.Freeze's wife,.

He doesn't use his ghost powers in villainy his explanation? Phantom was for the good and peace. While Fenton-Nightangle was for the bad and destruction. it certainly was a shitshow when he first debuted, lets just say Gotham had an early snow day, about 20 meters of snow covered Gotham for a week. The worst part is that the snow doesn't melt. so the only thing they could've do was to sit and watch as only Fenton was able to melt the snow.

Danny was the last to get his kids, so as a responsible parent he let them go crazy, for the whole two weeks as long they keep their identities a secret and to be back at lunch, dinner, curfew and family night. which led to a bunch of rogues getting hunted and tied up by a pair of ghost kids. It was a peaceful quiet two weeks for Gotham.

'this is absolutely hilarious' Tucker known as Codelith mentally chuckled as his bat family including Foliahàrà who was sitting across him also tied up, he knew it was Sam the first moment he laid his eyes on her. no one does eyeliner as thick as Sam. Speaking of Sam she was glaring at him from across the room.

from different audiences it may have look like the two was going to kill eachother, but in reality its just their love language. The batfam looked at them confused.

"Codelit." Sam greeted in a annoyed tone.

"Foliahàrà." Tucker greeted in a more joyful tone.

"You two know eachother?" Duke questioned, as he eyed the two. very confused on why the two of them almost have the same green toxic light surrounding them.

"Ofcourse we do, we're ma-" Sam was cut off, by the sound of someone maniacally laughing. fate seemed to be a bitch because in strolled Joker himself holding a bloodied crowbar.

Tucker can feel Red hood relive his trauma, from where his sitting, he didn't really focused on the Jokers dramatic speech, because all he can think was the safety of his new family he grew comfortable with. thank fuck Dan and Dani aren't here.

"What's this a new birdie? Batman.. you sure like taking in a lot of children, how generous of you." this finally caught tucker's attention when as he saw joker walking towards him, his family stayed quiet but kept watching Joker's movements they looked constipated Tucker almost let out a snort but kept it in.

"Codelith wasn't it, Very unique I wonder why you picked it."Joker asked with a chuckle that made tucker want to puke. "Not talkative ey? well that's alright.

"I don't need you to talk." Joker playfully picked up his crowbar, then placed it on Tucker's shoulder dangerously close to his head."I just need you to scream."

He saw Sam trying to use her powers in the background, which unfortunately wasn't working because she's too used making exaggerated movements when using her plant powers, he remembers her saying that it makes it more easy to manipulate the greens around her, so she definitely had trouble controlling it while tied up, after all there was so little wrist movement to work with.

He sent a warning gaze to his Family and wife. to not make any sudden moves, which made Sam hesitantly stop, It was different with the batfam though they were really trying to be free from the ropes.

He returned his attention to joker, who was still waiting for an answer. "He's coming." was all he said, this only made joker grin, and the Bats confused. While Sam immediately got it.

Joker laughed fucking ugly laugh if Tucker said so himself, the rogue pointed at his new family's direction 'Who's he? can't you see new birdie they're all here no one's going to get you!"

And then Joker lifted his crowbar then struck down at Codelith's head, a awful sound resonated across the building, Fuck that's going to leave a nasty concussion. he felt blood dripping from his nose, as he heard the shouts and screams of the Bats and Sam. Oh Sam, I'm alright, Everything's okay, He can feel Foliahàrà's panic and anger from here.

Its okay, he's okay, because he's here.

Tucker grinned fucking grinned, like a villain type of grin. he looked up at Joker's direction and said:"He's here."

And then the wall blew up, making everyone in the warehouse startled, Here comes in the man itself. Fenton fucking Nightangle. with a smile plastered on his face he strutted in with full confidence, damn that's attractive Sam and Tucker agreed with each other.

"Joker." was all Fenton said, as he looked at the man with no emotion, his gaze landed on Sam then landed on Tucker who's blood was dripping on the floor, the only thing that Danny saw was green.

HURT?/PAIN?/IN DANGER.

"Mr. Fenton! are you also here to watch the show?"Joker grinned teeth showing and all. "It's such a pleasure for you to be her-"

Danny walked passed Joker, Never giving him a chance to finish, he focused his gaze infront of him and went towards Tucker and cupped his face making sure he wasn't hurt that much.

"Ah... ofcourse you would immediately go to them, so silly of me!"Joker laughed.

"What do you mean by that?" Batman asked suspicously, as he made sure the Fenton boy didn't hurt his new son.

"Don't tell me you don't know Batsy! gosh darn am I the one that'll say this so exciting." The irritating man chuckled. "Well if you didnt know Batman, Dr.Fenton, Foliahàrà, and Codelith are all married together!"

The Bats let out a gasp of surprise as they looked at the trio, who remained quiet.

"I know right! such a wonderful love story." Joker wiped a fake tear. "Too bad I have to kill you all, Dr. Fenton you might've taken the town in surprise by your so wonderful inventions, but you are nothing without your gadgets." Joker explained while twirling the crowbar in his hands.

Danny let out a chuckle, his back facing the green haired man. "I see that you've made some research about us Joker."

"Yes, you are quite right, I am married to Codelith and Foliahàrà, But there's something you've missed in your research." Fenton continued, he can hear Red robin in the background saying "I don't believe Codelith can pull two fine people." who was shushed by Nightwing.

"And what would that be? please entertain me Doctor." Joker grinned.

"My Hero name's Phantom." With that Danny made a slashing motion as he swiftly faced the Joker face to face, not even a second later half of the warehouse was engulfed by ice including Joker.

Hair white as now. skin pale as a paper, and eyes green as toxic radiation, he once again faced. The vigilantes with a smile and said:

"Well that was an eventful night, who wants Fudge?"

[sillygoofyqueer]

I'm bored, so take different people's reactions to Xie Lian's spiritual array password ('just recite the Ethics Sutra a thousand times'): Quan Yizhen: No matter how many fucking times it is explained to him, he will never get it. He will sit there in utter silence for at least twenty minutes (everyone thinks he's talking to Xie Lian), until he's asked what he's talking about to Xie Lian, and he gets pissy because they interrupted his count - by this time, it becomes realised that he has fallen for it again. Extra points if it's like, a super dangerous mission and his team is in desperate need of support so they're like "Qi Ying, contact His Highness for backup now!" while they fight this massive fucken ghost and he goes utterly still, face screwing up in concentration, and just gets pummelled into the nearest wall. He ends up just using other people to talk to Xie Lian.

Lang Qianqiu: At first, he finds it funny because what a silly little joke from his former mentor, if only he was this funny when he had been teaching him all those years ago. After a while though, he starts getting slowly irritated each time he has to communicate with Xie Lian because he has to catch himself out as he starts reciting the Ethics Sutra, silently cursing himself out in his head. Ling Wen: If she ever does need to communicate with Xie Lian, it's for official business so she has no time to think about it too much, and therefore cannot be tripped up by it. However, after a long while without sleep, she will occasionally find herself quite literally doing what the password commands, and will allow a little smile at the thought. One time when this happened, she was reported to have started manically laughing and placing her head into her hands. Pei Ming: He finds it fucking HILARIOUS. Like, imagine Feng Xin's reaction but times ten at least, as he laughs uproariously and slaps his hand to his knee, all the while pointing at Xie Lian and going, "Your Highness, I didn't realise you were such a comedian!!" No matter how many times he communicates with Xie Lian, he will always laugh at it for a few minutes. He's like a father. I if he's talking about using the array, everyone can immediately tell who he's communicating with based on whether or not he laughs. Shi Qingxuan: I honestly think they'd have a little laugh about it at first, and then never react to it ever again. Like, "Hahaha" and that's it. They never really get caught out by it, because their brain is going into overdrive about whatever they want to talk to Xie Lian about so they just break their way into his Array with little thought to it all. Not that they're dumb in any sense of the word, they're just so focused on their gossip that they shake at the bars of the cage without even remotely thinking too hard about it. Shi Wudu: I know he'd probably communicate with Xie Lian through other people but, on the rare occasion that he communicates with His Highness personally, he is not at all amused. He calls it childish and silly. Well, in public, anyway. In private, he'll probably actually find himself having a little chuckle about it, shaking his head as he enters the array before pulling up his walls instantly. Yushi Huang: Xie Lian gets really embarrassed telling her because it feels childish, and she let him borrow her spiritual device during his first ascension, so he doesn't want her to be like "can't believe I let this child use my spiritual device." When he does eventually tell her, she probably smiles and nods, but doesn't give any other reaction. Inside? Knee slaps all around for the Crown Prince. He Xuan: Why does he have to personally communicate Xie Lian? He doesn't want to risk Hua Cheng beating him if he says something "wrong". When he hears Xie Lian's password, he stares at him with a glower that could kill if it were any other person, letting out the most empty laugh ever so he didn't get beaten, before walking away. So no, he does not care for Xie Lian's humour, and did not fall for it - he did. He did fall for it, but he has such a resting bitch face that it's hard to tell. He gets mad at himself for falling for it. He pretends not to. Hua Cheng knows though, and He Xuan knows that he knows. Yin Yu: So, imagine you're an underpaid, overworked employee with an absolutely terrifying boss. He scares the shit out of you. He has a very lovely husband who he cares about dearly and will definitely be pissed off at you if you dare hurt his husband. His husband makes a joke and you can feel your boss' eyes glaring right into your soul from behind. This is how Yin Yu feels when he's told about Xie Lian's password. So, of course, I'm sure you can all picture the - in Yin Yu's opinion - most exaggerated falling for it ever, followed by laughter that reeks of "please, PLEASE go with this. I don't want to lose my job", until Yin Yu has to physically stop to breathe.

[stealingyourbones]

Prompt Idea: Danny has plot armor.

To start off, Danny’s whole family knows he’s Phantom, and they had to run from Amity because of the GIW. They wind up in Gotham because that’s the one place that The Government doesn’t really mess with.

The reason behind Danny’s plot armor is that in this world, Danny became incredibly overprotective of his friends and family in order to make sure he doesn’t wind up as Dan, ironically making the chance of that happening much greater than before.

In order to prevent this, Clockwork gives Danny and his family a blessing. It works like this.

Imagine you rolled a dice. To Clockwork, there are now 6+ possible alternate timelines that can ensue. Clockwork’s blessing allows those possible timelines to be restricted to only one or two, all of them good for the Fenton family.

In effect, it was like plot armor. Scarecrow attacks a library with Jazz inside? Oh, looks like her parents need her to pick up Danny early, or she drank too much water and needs to go to the bathroom, which just so happens to have a window just in reach that she can escape from.

Maddy needs to get a job? Well, Jazz’s university needs a new chemistry professor (last one was kidnapped by a rogue) and they’re in a bit of a rush so they’ll skip looking for a teaching certificate. No one cares anyways, it’s Gotham.

Jack needs something to do? Well, besides hunting ghosts, he’d always wanted to open a food truck! With Jazzy making sure nothings contaminated and some (slightly modified) recipes from the Ghost Zone, he can finally chase his dream in a big city with his Phantom Food Vehicle! He wonders what some of those shady men came up to him for, or that odd stout fella in the tux.

(The Phantom Food Truck has become a recent cryptid in Gotham. Except it’s not a cryptid, because everyone’s seen the video of the truck hurtling down the street like it’s chasing down the devil, cop cars and vigilantes alike on its tail. And yet, no one could find it. Not even the Bats. That’s about when everyone gave up. When they learned that you don’t find it, the Phantom Food Truck finds you.)

As for Danny? He’s entirely unaware of this, to focused on keeping his head down. It works, for a while. Before fate came knocking in the form of a wicked smile, as if there solely to ruin his day.

The Joker wasn’t having a good day either. He started out having a jolly old time, joker toxin gassing a small high school, making sure to leave macabre presents for his dear Batsy, and then what happens? This random kid just starts running around, helping students, saving teachers, what’s he gonna do next huh? Save a cat from a tree?

What’s worse, his useless henchmen couldn’t even land a hit on the kid! He swears, Bill doesn’t even seem to be trying.

Whatever, they managed to corner the brat, looked like he was standing in front of some other children. So Joker lines the shot, and he fires.

The gun jams.

Alrighty, he takes one from a random mook, and he shoots again.

The gun jams.

No one’s moving at this point. Where there was once dread and tension in the air, there’s just confusion. So Joker points the gun at a goon, pulls the trigger, the shot goes off.

He turns back to the Robin-ish looking twink, and he pulls the trigger.

The gun jams.

And as he starts walking towards the kid to just kill it himself, he wakes up in the Arkham hospital wing with his last memory of the encounter being him slipping on the glowing green contents of some weird looking thermos that the kid had thrown earlier in the fight. What the FUCK was that.

Clockwork doesn’t even care how pissed the Observers are any more, this is hilarious.

it's to the point of ridiculousness that the Bats have an entire file on Danny and they think he's a meta with a luck ability and nothing else.

[cumironi]

Enemies to lovers toji x fem reader!!!!! Theyre both in college and reader is usually really smart and focused n stuff but toji likes to tease her and yeah!!!!

THUNDERSTORM : TOJI FUSHIGURO

oh just how much you hate toji fushiguro, and the feelings are mutual. you are a calm, intelligent and focused person, while he's in the other hands annoying, stupid, arrogant and many other things you hate— you hate how he always makes your heart beat like a thunderstorm.

content warning: college! toji, non-sorcerer jjk, fluff! toji

i wasn't doing my best with this one but i hope you like it

“stop that.”

“stop what?” your eyes narrowed.

“doing that thing with your face when you're happy, it's making me nauseous.” he's looking at you as he's making a disgusted face. his index finger makes a circle while pointing at your face. your smile dropped and an annoyance sounds left your lips. you slam the tray and sit yourself beside the white-haired boy, gojo satoru. and there's that boy, in front of you eating his lunch with a disgusted face as he eyed you, toji fushiguro.

“get your nasty finger off my face before I break it,” your hands move faster trying to catch his finger only for him to pull away faster. “always so slow,” he mocked you. “oh fuck you, toji,” you spit to him, getting more annoyed each second you look at him. while the other boy just laughed. seeing how your face turned red from anger amused him. toji fushiguro always showed a liking every time spat at him, getting nastier and sassier each second. hands gripping on something tightly or just clenched your fist he's afraid you're gonna make your nail bleeding from your nail.

he loves how your eyes always look at him like you're on fire, how your pretty mouth insults him in the most hilarious way he could ever imagine. he loves to have the power of having a calm, pretty, intelligent person like you going crazy because of a person like him. a girl with patience like a saint always growling in anger every time he open his mouth. it's like watching a soap opera, for free. you, on the other hand, despise him with all of your heart. you hate the way his green eyes glisten when the sun hits, you hate the way his personality is embedded in each word when you read a poem about love, you hate the way his voice shapes into a melody and echoes his entire being, scaring you.

“what are you doing here, anyway?” satoru asked as he shoved a macaron into his mouth. you look at the man in front of you, feeling confused also. toji never sits with you and your friends, always with his suicide squad— sukuna and weird ass choso, you swear that guy always looks like his soul just gets sucked out of his body. “yeah, toji? what the fuck are you doing here?” you parrot, this time sassier and you glare at him.

“what? I can't have lunch with friends now?”

you and satoru look at each other before you roll your eyes, “can you please go be annoying somewhere that's away from me?” you asked, nearly begging. you're too hungry to deal with toji's nonsense and he's too insufferable to be around. “but that wouldn't be nearly as much fun,” he pouts, pretending to be sulking as he put his palm under his cheeks and battling his eyelashes. but you don't budge, just keep glaring your eyes to him hoping suddenly your eyes let out a laser that could kill him on the place.

toji sighs in defeat before he gets up throwing you a glance of judgement, “boo, you whore.” and with that he swings his ass as he walks away with a tray in one hand and the other on his jeans pocket— leaving you with mouth hanging open.

“fucking asshole.”

you feel something was throwing at you— hitting your back of the head. you're in class right now, trying to focus on whatever your professor was talking about. you try to ignore whatever that was throwing at you but each time it's getting bigger and you become more annoyed. so with the last patience you had left, you snap your neck to look at whoever it is— of course it's other than toji fushiguro. “what?” you yelled whispered. “let me borrow your pen,” he said, looking like an idiot with his slay grin, makes you more annoyed.

“no, shut up!”

you back to your position again and this time you're insisting on not gonna pay toji any attention. for a moment things got quiet and you don't hear anything from toji. but of course, that man wasn't letting you sit there in class and try to study quietly. you hear something from your behind that makes you turn around only to find already sitting there, smiling at you. “what the fuck are you doing?” your voice rough while you shoot a glance at your professor.

“i miss you,” he pout.

you look at him in disgust, “shut the fuck up toji, i'm trying to learn something here,” you grumble. that's only amused him more as he put both hands under his chin and battling his eyelashes to you. “make me, y/n,” he whispered, trying to be seductive as he snout his lips to you and making a kiss noise. you winces in disgust before shoving his face away with your hand.

“what the fuck is wrong with you..”

he just laughed.

you were walking on the hallway of your campus alone. book on your left hands and the other holding a cup of your coffee. you spend a night working on your project until morning and you haven't got a single sleep, so you really need caffeine to keep you awake. when you turn around the corner something big suddenly come out of nowhere, startled you by surprise.

“AH!”

you were so shocked that you fell on the floor along with your books and coffee getting you wet in the process. you look up only to find toji fushiguro hovering you. hands in pocket as he looks down at you. “you scared me,” you shriek. his shoulder move up and down as he shrugged, looking unbothered. “well, i'm naturally terrifying,” he said obvious, like it's was something natural and common. you scoff while rolling your eyes.

“nobody finds you terrifying, fushiguro.”

he frowned after hearing what you were saying, “that's not true, everybody finds me terrifying,” he said in defense. you snicker and cover your mouth, “you're delusional because I'm not finding you terrifying,” you mocked him. and toji doesn't seem like he's agree with whatever you just yapping about. his green eyes bore at you and he was silent for a moment like there's a war inside his head.

“what?” you feel annoyed as he keeps on looking at you with an expression you can't figure out. something you never seen on his face before, something unfamiliar. but he keeps his mouth shut, refuses to speak and entertained you with his lame answer but no, he just stood there looking like he just found something he's longing for who knows how long. his eyes, you can't stand it— worse, you were afraid of it. it feels like his eyes can touch you more than his hands ever could, that's the only thing about him that terrifying to you.

a hard covered book kisses his face harshly to snap him out of whatever he was in. he grimaces in pain and rubs the red on his forehead— where the book landed. “the fuck is wrong with you?” he yells in pain. “stop being a baby,” you dryly said to him. before he gets to let out a bunch of insults, your high pitched scream stops him. your white shirt covered with coffee making your boobs and bra look visible.

“oops,” toji laugh.

you who's still on the floor sending a tall man in front of you a glare. toji swear he can see the steam coming out of your ears. “look at what you've done!” you growl in anger. toji rolled his eyes bored before scoffing, “stop being a baby,” he mocked you— purposely throwing you the same sentence you just said to him. you clicked your tongue as you tried your best to clean yourself with hope in your heart that it doesn't leave a stain. toji just standing there watching you.

he let out a sigh before throwing you his leather jacket making you stare at him in confusion. “cover yourself, idiot.” and just like that he walks away, leaving you all confused and dumbfounded.

your day is always filled with toji fushiguro. every corner you go, fate seems to find it amusing when he's making your blood boil and your face turns red like fresh tomatoes, that's why it always sends him around, find you every time. you started to get used to his presence. you started to find the scar on lips look more stunning than it used to— especially when he's smile. you no longer feel scared when his green eyes flashed to you. his smile become sweet, different from the rest, from everyone else. you started to notice everytime he touches you it suddenly felt as if the stars dancing across your skins.

“your hands,” he said, softly this time.

you don't say anything, too amused with how beautiful he becomes after all this time, after you start to notice. like it has its own thoughts, your hands just move to the man in front of you, letting him hold it like it's always belonged to him, and it fits perfectly also. and then there's it, the stars thing again. something you're unfamiliar with but knowing you're gonna become an addiction of it, of his touch.

he slipped something on your ring finger. you look down to your hand, hand that he was holding. a ring with white bunny, matching with him as he shows you his hand. your heart smiles, followed by your lips but then it's beating faster, knocking your chest as if it's begging the man to hear. you scared so you look at him and your heart beating faster than before when you realize he's already looking, like a thunderstorm. “it's promise ring,” his voice gentle.

toji fushiguro, a man who couldn't go on with his day without hearing your voice, he couldn't go on with his day without feeling your eyes on him, without your presence around him— it feels like an addiction he doesn't realize, getting too attached to each second. when you're not around he's always looking for you, purposely making you mad just because he knows you're the most expressive when you with him, knowing only him that can makes you feel something you try to denied. he too, try to denied.

the feeling he has for you wasn't something he is familiar with and he's unhappy with that. he wants to quit because every time you walk into that hallway beautifully his head feels fuzzy and the world faded into the background like on the movies show, it's lonely and cold. and standing there with you, in the middle of your campus festival, where people and times move faster— but not faster as his beating heart.

“i'll pick your thunder,” he said, nearly whispering.

you didn't like this boy, you didn't find him attractive in a romantic way, his face wasn't something you'd be thinking about next week. he spoke and he sounded just like the others, a voice you wouldn't recognize again, but now he seemed gentle, so do for toji, he didn't like you last year, but now he started to notice the way you filling the room, expanding like a butterfly breaking free from the cocoon, it was hard not to notice you glisten when all eyes darted like spotlights on you.

when you speak everyone has no choice but to listen and indulge in your smile. or when the room is empty and moonlights spills in through a creak in the door. he starts to love the way your eyes gleam. you changes, you're no longer just a gentle looking girl. he didn't care for the soft waves in your hair but now he started to notice each wave, and the clothes that you wears, and the way that you stands, and smiles, and walks.

you find yourself not just listening but losing touch of things when he talks. he was just another head in the crowd, he was just annoying classmates that always fuming you, you wouldn't recognize his voice when he speaks, but now it is echoing in your mind out loud. he hasn't changed a bit but how something both of you overlooked become something both of you desire?

he didn't like this girl

and you don't like this boy

but you and him now sure do

how'd you do it?' you thought.

how'd you do it?' he thought.

how'd you make me fall in love with you?

[xxl4vend3rxx]

Keen observation: Giyū is a hypocrite:

Let me explain:

I have a headcannon // Oneshot for this that I will link HERE when it is finished x.

Alright, to prove this point I am going to focus on two specific points (With Anime episodes and Manga chapters listed)

Okay: the first point to be made is with when Tanjiro is trying to convince Giyú to come and train the other demon slayers, and Giyú is doing all he can to avoid and // or ignore poor sweet Tanjiro.

Exhibits A // B // C:

"Giyú sannnnn!!" // "Mr. Giyuuu!!"

Throughout Season five, Episode two "Water Hashira Giyú Tomioka's Pain" (Covering from chapter 130 of the Manga), we get to see Tanjiro's sheer determination to convince the stoic hashira to join in training the younger // lower ranking corps members - to which Giyú consistently either flat out refuses him, or ignores him - leading to a rather hilarious sequence of events that last over a few days.

And at one point we get to see things from Giyú's perspective - and what he says made me get thinking: HMM THIS SEEMS AWFULLY FAMILIAR - OH YEAH THAT'S BECUASE IT IS.

(Thoughts) Is he going to… keep this up for the rest of my life?

(Thoughts) If I talk to him, will he stop stalking me?

AND THAT LEADS ME INTO POINT B. Throughout Season five  Episode 7, "Stone Hashira Gyomei Himejima" - We find Giyú and Sanemi in the midst of a heated spar - only for Tanjiro to intervene because he thinks that they are actually fighting each other.

He then proceeds to talk about Sanemi's enjoyment of Ohagi (For reference Ohagi is a Japanese sweet that is made of glutenous rice flour and red bean paste // it is also sometimes called red bean mochi and is like an inside out Daifuku) - And Giyú displays interest in this, notable by the remark he passes to the other Hashira

"You like Ohagi?"

(Also how refreshing was it to see Giyú actually trying to make friends?? Like AHHHH he's trying so hard and WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE?? - TANJIRO.)

Giyú then goes on to tell Tanjiro his silly little plan; the next time he sees Sanemi - he's going to hide some Ohagi up his sleeve to give to him. Now see, that sounds really cute and all, but imagine this from Sanemi's perspective.

He's clearly embarrassed by Tanjiro talking about his liking of Ohagi - based off his reaction to Tanjiro bringing it up. He shouted, and then stormed off.

Now picture the person who he hates on a level nearly par with demons (Someone who is always painfully quiet and uninterested in him) suddenly acting all smiley and enthusiastic, brandishing Ohagi from... up his sleeve? I don't know about you, but that would seem quite odd to me, condescending even.

Personally, I headcannon that Giyú went full Tanjiro in his pursuit to give Sanemi some Ohagi and become friends with him, but a more so silent approach. Like he'd still be overbearing, but with that little smile of his accompanied by an empty stare and total silence.

It'd creep the hell out of Sanemi and probably make him feel a little insecure, almost embarrassed of himself if Giyuu was going to this length in (what he thinks is) teasing him.

Another instance of miscommunication for them. Sanemi would probably start thinking like Giyú had-

"Is he going to keep this up forever!?"

"Goddammit, if I entertain this will he leave me alone?!"

(Just look at his silly face // he is both pure of heart and dumb of ass)

but I think Sanemi's face was bound to look less like that ^^^ and more like this: vvv

AND THERE IS MY LITTLE ESSAY ON WHY GIYU IS A HYPOCRITE - WHETHER HE KNOWS IT OR NOT.

And an abridged one below:

( I think he would have eventually taken a piece of Ohagi from him, and that it would have made Giyú insanely happy - but Sanemi takes that as him being sarcastic - causing more friction on his side, whereas Giyú thinks they are making progress, making him do it again.

I think this kerfuffle would have only been cleared up after the final battle, to which Sanemi feels a little worse for being so cold to Giyú - but is immediately forgiven and gifted with a bunch of Ohagi, as Giyú grew quite skilled at making it after so many practice runs. )

THEY'RE SO SILLY I LOVE THEM

[mv1simp]

I am in ur walls

I have come to raise the idea of, and hear me out, Max x PR officer reader. I’m just gonna yap now, hear me out

Like can you imagine Max going through his hoe phase and reader having to clean up his image, and she’s just fondly like UGH MAX. Part of her is like blehhhhh because more work, but the bigger part of her is like ✨jealous✨

And then at some point she makes an offhand comment like if you want to be a whore, can you at LEAST not make more work for me????

Cue Max and her starting to be a thing, and him trying to rile her up enough to get her to be their own PR issue just for shits and giggles and he gets quite risque and horny and her resistance to it just turns him on even more until he’s saying and doing the filthiest shit in the middle of the paddock just to get her to crack——

Also can you imagine how hilarious it would be if they get caught and GP is like NOT YOU TOO READER LIKE DOES HE HAVE A MAGIC DICK OR SMTH——

WELCOME TO MY WALLS!!! This idea HAS ME ahahahah see I was always a crackfic writer at age 12 on wattpad, its time to remerge into the light with this prompt

Like you know how max is so millennial coded. And she’s actually the same age as him but he thinks she’s older cause she’s always looking so stressed. And she like um that’s cause you’re a fuckin manwhore max?!? Have you thought about celibacy for a hot second? And as they become better friends she demands he hand over his card so she can invest in some good skincare

(max also suggests maybe she needs to get dicked down good, he’s happy to provide that if she wants or? 🤭🤭)

But anyways she’s pumping out Gen z memes left right and centre to distract the masses from his slut era and he’s always like wdym “i have zero rizz and am a bitchless cat dad”?? I know memes?? Remember hawk thua-

ALSO WHENEVER HE REALLY TRIES TO RILE HER UP ON THE PADDOCK AND SHE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SHE MAKES HIM DO THE MOST ANNOYING SOCIAL MEDIA CHALLENGES TO GET BACK AT HIM like imagine her making him do a kiss marry kill with the drivers and he’s like 😑😑 and everyone’s like babes come here we got max Verstappen saying he’d kiss Alonso, marry charles and kill George before GTA 2024

ALSO I’m jumping the gun but after he ✨seduces her ✨ there’s so much scope for the classic shenanigans. Accidentally wearing shirts inside out. Accidentally wearing each others Redbull shirt and she could get away with oversized style but everyone’s like “max why tf are u wearing a crop top”. (GP knows. He knows and he can’t look either of you in the eye. Everyone has started asking why he loudly announces himself and waits 10 seconds before walking around the corners of the Redbull garage and he’s like…no reason. But his face is one of a man who has seen many, many things)

Anyway you have ban any contact of sexual nature after that incident that you have dubbed CropTopGate. But obviosuly that just makes max even more feral cause we know how competitive he is 😼

ALSO he’s notorious for going through personal managers as well but once you two start getting tension but you’re still all like “nooo 6 foot driver millionaires aren’t my type okayyyy 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️”

So he demands that you be promoted to his personal events manager as well. To which you are adamantly like NO knowing what this means for your poor self control but Christian Horner is like yes maxie boo 🥰 so now you also accompany max to all his lil modelling gigs, looking anywhere but at him while he stands shirtless next to you with a cocky grin.

OR LIKE IMAGINE HE AND A MODEL ARE DOING AN ADVERTISEMENT TOGETHER LIKE ONE OF THOSE SEXY PERFUME ONES. AND DURING A BREAK THE PHOTOGRAPHER NOTICES YOU AND MAX TALKING TOGETHER

and he’s like i don’t care who you are get over here NOW this sexual chemistry is insane so you end up in a very compromising pose up against max verstappen, F1 driver, cat dad, and certified slut while he’s whispering dirty things in your ear

(He catches on quick that you really likes it when he speaks Dutch, good thing you can’t understand it cause he’s just reciting his grocery list and enjoying watching you blush and squeeze your legs together)

very cute idea hehe thank you for messaging!! I LIVE for some sexual tension, reader is a better woman than me for trying to resist the advances of max 😮‍💨😮‍💨

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

This one was

oof

*deepbreath*

Flight Risk

Young!Mihawk x Marine!AFAB!Reader Ch. 9 of...uh what are numbers. Hilarious how I thought this might only be like four chapters originally.

Wordcount: 3,479

First chapter and previous chapter link

Brief summary of The Story So Far: Your mission, as a Marine and Zoan type devil fruit user (gray parrot), is to gather intel on Dracule Mihawk, a pirate on the Grand Line who has become a thorn in the Marines' side over a relatively short period of time. He has been allotted forty-eight hours to make his decision on the offer of becoming a Warlord, and you can do little but imagine what that means for you

Warnings and stuff: THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW. The next chapter will also be NSFW. The previous chapter was kinda NSFW but this one has definitely breached that territory. Young!Mihawk is unapologetically yandere here. Also I apologize for how much I love cliffhangers

Taglist: @i-am-vita, @madbadpadawan, @browneyedhufflepuff, @h0n3y-l3m0n05, @littleleelee, @nerium-lil , @dragon-bubs , @animefreak818 , @byysandra , @lufemia , @gizamalblythe , @schanwow

If anyone wants to be added to the taglist, just lemme know!!

Whatever else Bogard had to say on the matter fell on deaf ears as Mihawk, following his comment about you, dropped the reciever of the den den mushi back onto the desk, ending the call. He lowered his hand, tracing his fingers slowly along the length of your innter thigh, slipping his other out of your bra and behind your back to toy with the clasp holding it shut.

“To think you’ve spent the better part of two months hiding yourself from me,” he murmured. He sighed, hsaking his head, his fingertips trailing a path over the edge of your panties and over the curve of your bare waist seemed to leave tendrils of flame in their wake. “Such a waste of valuable time.” You bit your lip against a whimper as he deftly slipped the claps of your bra loose, lifting his hands to gently brush the straps down your shoulders, pulling the garment away from you. “And now we’re left with only two days to correct it.”

And he stopped, cupping his hands beneath your breasts, his thumbs halting so close to the stiff points of your erect nipples, your head such a fog that it was difficult to convince yourself this wasn’t all a much too vivid dream.

“You’re trembling, my pet,” he informed you in a light, amused tone, as if you weren’t already aware. You were shaking all over, anxious, anticipating, dying to hear his next words, craving his next touch. I am curious—how many men have had you before?”

You bit down harder on your lip, clenching your eyes shut, flaring with embarrassment at the blunt question. You could barely form a single thought already—the thought of admitting that made your head spin all the more violently.

“I asked you a question.”

���None—” you gasped out, gripping so hard at the edge of the chair that you thought you might tear the upholstery if you couldn’t will yourself to stop. You swallowed, your heart accelerating as you focused every ounce of your attention on his lips caressing your jaw, on his hands pushing up your breasts, on anything but the subject at hand. “N...none.”

“Not one?” His slight astonishment didn’t sound feigned, seemed perfectly honest, and you nodded quickly, wishing he would move his hands, in any direction, whether further away or even closer. He hummed quietly. “I did wonder, with how concerned your rear admiral seemed—no?” He chuckled as you shook your head rapidly. You had never mixed work with pleasure, had never even thought to, and Bogard was your commanding officer, had never been anything but professional. “I find it difficult to believe none of your fellow cadets would have taken interest in such a pretty little thing.”

“N—n-no—” You stammered as he finally pulled the rough pads of his thumbs across your nipples. You felt him draw in a sharp breath as you lowered your hand to grip his thigh, arch your back, unintentionally grinding yourself back against the stiff bulge at the front of his pants. His breath released as a low growl vibrating against your neck, and he rewarded you for the unexpected stab of pleasure by pressing down lightly on your sensitive nipples and massaging them in slow, small circles.

“No one,” he repeated with a sigh, quickly regaining control of himself, grinding against your hips when that single taste of gratification wasn’t enough. “So innocent.” He drew in a slow, deep breath, pressing his lips hard against your neck for a moment. “That’s as good as a crime, for such a lovely creature to be untouched for so long…”

Your eyes snapped open, staring down to watch his left hand as it slipped down from your breast, his fingertips drifting like feathers down the soft plane of your stomach.

“I hardly have any choice but to make it right myself.”

Further, lower, beneath the dip of your navel, brushing across the waist of your panties—his other hand lifting away from your breast, his breath hot against your jaw as he curled it beneath your chin and spoke with his lips barely brushing the corner of your mouth.

“Turn your head.” You bit your lip, unable to tear your eyes from his hand halted at your waist, his fingertips caressing across the top of your panties. If you looked at him, allowed your eyes to lock with his for even a moment, it would all be real.

“Turn,” he repeated slowly, his voice still an intimate murmur, though a bit firmer in his command, “your head, pet. That wasn’t a request. No,” he said, shaking his head as your eyes snapped shut and you started to turn. “You will keep your eyes open. I want you here, not somewhere else.”

He knew exactly what you were trying to do. Trying to close your eyes, imagine you were somewhere else, anywhere else, that this really was all a strange dream, that you weren’t willingly going against your mission in favor of the promise of carnal pleasure—

“I would hate to have to punish my little bird,” he murmured, though from the way he pulled you back against him, close enough that you felt the throbbing of his arousal against your lower back, he hardly seemed that put off by the thought. “Especially when we’re in the middle of enjoying ourselves.” He lifted his hand from your chin, brushed your hair back from your temple and tucked it behind your ear, trailing his fingers down your neck. “Look at me, pretty girl.”

Your eyes drifted open as you turned your head, and your heart exploded into arrhythmia the moment they locked with his—hearing him murmur that pet name in your ear, as much a taunt as it was a sultry invitation, made it impossible for you to turn away. He said it so quietly, so tenderly, so salaciously that you obeyed him automatically, staring wide-eyed into the mingling amusement and hunger in his gaze. He brushed his knuckles below your chin and settled his fingertips at the edge of your hairline, at your temple.

“You belong to me now,” he said, tilting his head slightly and leaning in. “Do not forget that.”

You swallowed, unable to move at all now that your gaze was locked with his, the sharp yellow orbs holding you in place as if by some irresistible magnetic force. He still wasn’t moving either, except to stroke his thumb across your lips. Your eyes flashed down toward his other hand, wondering why he didn’t continue, wishing he would, you had done everything he asked.

“What is it, my darling pet? Did you want me to touch you? Yes?” he chuckled when you nodded several times. “You have followed most of my orders well,” he allowed, dragging his knuckles down your neck, down your collorbone, resting his hand over your breast. “I might...if you can ask nicely.”

You had no choice. The dull, throbbing ache between your thighs, only a couple inches beneath his fingertips, it was too much to bear now. Too good to resist. He seemed bent on enjoying your growing desperation as long as possible before he gave you anything else, and you had no choice but to play along.

“Please—plea…” And bent on making it as difficult as possible, as he brushed his lips to your jaw, to the corner of your mouth. You licked your lips, your mouth gone dry from your erratic breathing. “Please t—touch me,” you breathed, your eyes clenching shut briefly, a small whimper escaping you as he tightened his grip on your breast, his palm rubbing across your oversensitive nipple. But you forced them back open quickly—he had told you to keep them open, there was no choice in that. “Please…”

“‘Please’ what?”

You swallowed dryly, immediately grasping his meaning—then bluring out what he was looking for in a pained cry as he pinched your nipple hard between his thumb and forefinger.

“P-please—mm—master—please t-touch—”

But your desperate pleas were cut short, muffled as he crushed his lips so hard against yours that it nearly hurt. By the sharp breath he inhaled and the ferocity of his brief kiss he must have approved, even if his grip on your breast had tightened to the point that it pulled another gasp of pain from you—yet it also sent a jolt though you that made you pull your thighs a bit tighter against the throbbing pressure between them. He abruptly broke away, exhaling a slow sigh as he loosened his hand.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked lightly, gently massaging the soft mound under his grasp so you released your breath in a shaking sigh. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to respond, but all you could find the will to do was offer a short nod. “Oh, dear…” He lifted his hand to your cheek, brushing his thumb across your trembling bottom lip. “I’ll need to take care not to forget how delicate you are.” Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips brushed a tender kiss against the corner of your mouth. “I would hate to break my new toy when I’ve hardly yet had a chance to play with it.”

You glanced down as he pulled his other hand away from your stomach, shifting it to your waist—and he stood so suddenly that you three your arms around his neck with a cry of alarm, sure he would shove you right to the floor at his feet for a moment. Instead he hooked an elbow under your knees, cradling you in his arms and resting his forehead against yours.

“I suppose I ought to atone for my carelessness.”

You couldn’t have torn your gaze away from his sharp yellow eyes if you wanted to, from the ever present devilish spark glowing in their depths, unaware of where you were being carried until he lay you across the elongated daybed across the room at the huge window stretching up to an arch at the high ceiling, where he had spent much of his spare time reading with you perched near his side in your devil fruit form over the last several weeks. He brushed a few books off of it, letting them fall over the edge and to the stone floor without a care for where they landed.

You fought the impulse to cover yourself as his eyes passed slowly over you, certain he would only tug your hands aside if you tried to. You instead shifted back against the cushions behind you, your gaze flickering to his hand tracing a slow path up your inner thigh. A shiver crept through you as his light touch passed over the small triangle that was the front of your plain white panties, continuing slowly up the flat plane of your stomach—up, between your breasts as he pushed your legs apart with his knee, up to your neck to curl beneath your chin as you lay your head back on the pile of throw pillows.

He planted his elbow on the bed above your shoulder, and a soft whimper left you at the caress of his lips at the other side of your neck. You gripped at the edge of the mattress at the powerful, pleasurable quiver between your thighs that came with the delicate path his lips traced along the curve of your neck, your breath entering and leaving your lungs in short, halting bursts.

“You are truly exquisite,” he murmured, so close to your ear that his lips brushed across it. His fingers curled into your hair near your temple and you found yourself turning your head toward the light touch automatically, arching your hips as his other hand gripped at the soft flesh of your rear. His low chuckle in your ear alone was enough to pull a soft moan from somewhere in your chest. “And so sensitive. You really haven’t been touched before, have you, my pet?”

As he shifted to shove off his coat before he moved his hand up your hip, lacing his fingers around the side of your underwear, trailing his lips across your neck, you finally dared to glance down. You immediately regretted doing so as your breath stuttered to a halt and your eyes became glued to him. You had seen him shirtless before, but never so close, much less pinning you into such a compromising position beneath him. You gripped the mattress under you a little tighter, wondering whether he would be angry if you lifted your hands to touch his broad shoulders, to feel his powerful, solid chest under your palms; to brush your fingers over his sleep, jet black hair or the contours of his high cheekbones and angular jaw.

The temptation was quickly growing too great to bear—at least when he had been behind you you couldn’t see the slow rising and falling of his chest, or how each muscle in his strong upper arms flexed as his hands explored across your nearly naked body.

You could ask.

The prospect filled you with such intense anxiety that you were sure you would faint, even before you could feel his skillful hands delve below the waist of your panties. You swallowed as his lips brushed your jaw, closing your eyes for a moment and drawing in a slow, deep breath, drawing up every ounce of resolve in your mind and body to find the ability to speak.

“C...can...can I touch you—mm—master?”

You couldn’t muster more than a whisper, but he had heard you—he paused with his lips grazing the crook of your neck, and your heart stopped briefly with the cessation of his movement, your fingers digging into the edge of the mattress. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked, shouldn’t have even spoken without permission. Perhaps that wasn’t as bad as laying your hands on him, on his pale skin stretched taut across his lean, toned torso and his roguishly handsome face; but it was still surely punishable, enough to irritate him if the pressure of his fingertips digging into your waist and stomach were any indication.

Then he sighed slowly, his breath quavering as he loosened his grip. Your own breath left you in a sigh as well when he combed his fingers down through your hair, down until you could turn your cheek into the warmth of his rough palm.

“Do you really have to ask, dear?”

The brief disruption in his composure was gone in a flash in his light, amused tone. The question was rhetorical on its surface, but anything could be a test. Any oversight could potentially get you into trouble, and you were too vulnerable in your present situation to be able to do anything to counteract it. You swallowed again, and managed to force yourself to speak up. It was only a mumble, a trembling murmur, but at least it was more than a whisper this time.

“I...didn’t want to...to make you angry, sir.”

There was nothing disapproving in his quiet chuckle—if it was a test, you had passed. You lay your head back in a low, breathy moan as he brushed his lips to the column of your throat. “As reward for your obedience…”

The warm vibration of his murmur at your jaw, just below your chin, had you clenching your thighs around his knee, arching your back and your hips in a futile attempt to find some respite from the unbearable, swelling pressure throbbing between them. He shifted his other knee between your legs, forcing them apart again, refusing to allow you any relief. You felt his lips brush across your own and drew in a sharp breath as the quiet sound of his deep voice alone lifted goosebumps all over your body.

“You may.”

For a brief, terrifying moment, your hands refused to move.

Your shoulders tensed as you fought the anxiety crippling you from loosening your death-grip on the mattress beneath you—he couldn’t grant you permission if he didn’t want you to, and for you to falter now would surely do nothing more than annoy him.

Then he lifted your head, pressing his lips fully to yours, and every muscle in your body relaxed in the brief, firm kiss. You lifted your hand nearest the window, trembling, until your fingertips grazed the hard muscle adorning his thick upper arms. You gasped at the shock it sent through your body, pulling your hand away for a moment as the warmth of his skin seemed to scorch your fingers.

Then you lifted it further, your eyes fluttering shut at the delightful sensation of his lips gingerly grazing your cheek, and let your palm rest against his broad shoulder. Your other rose from the edge of the mattress, as if longing of its own accord to feel the heat of his body beneath it, and you felt as much as you heard his slow sigh as you trailed your fingertips up the hard plane of his chest, up the cords of his strong neck and jaw. Your breath stuttered to an astonished halt when your reached his sharp cheekbone and he leaned toward your touch, brushing a kiss to your lips as your fingertips slipped into his soft, dark hair.

“Is it your intention to break my will?” he asked lightly. His amusement was still present, but there was a quiet purr in his deep, sensual murmur that made your heart flutter and your breath catch. You quickly shook your head—and then gasped, digging your fingertips into his scalp and his muscular shoulder when he pressed a hard kiss to your neck and sucked the tender skin into his mouth, biting down lightly. He exhaled a slow, heavy breath of air before pressing his lips there again, gingerly, lightly grazing his tongue against the same spot.

“Are you quite sure?” You nodded automatically—you had barely done anything at all, nothing you thought would affect him remotely as much as it would you. “You do possess quite a talent for fooling me.” You opened your eyes when you felt his forehead rest against yours, and found his gaze boring into you, challenging you to show any sign of dishonesty. You swallowed, unable to blink as you stared straight back into his eyes. “Your talent for acting is nothing short of captivating.”

You swallowed as you felt his hand creep across your stomach, below your navel, his fingers curling around the edge of your panties again.

“But it makes it difficult to know whether you’re lying,” he went on, his lips grazing yours with each murmured word. You couldn’t breathe as he curled his fingers in your hair. “I can hardly tell without seeing your eyes.”

His fingertips, brushing across the small, thin triangle of fabric that barely covered your intense arousal.

“Tell me….” He brushed his thumb across your burning cheek. “Who is it you belong to?”

“Y—you,” you said automatically—and hurried to correct yourself when he lifted his eyebrows. “You, sir—y-you’re my master.”

He pressed his lips firmly to yours, drawing in a sharp breath as his tongue teased against your bottom lip, drawing a sharp moan up from your chest before releasing you.

“And should I reward my pretty little pet for being such a good girl?”

The pressure was unbearable now, as he pressed his palm down onto your lower abdomen to still your involuntary squirming beneath him, to stop you from arching your hips toward his light, teasing caresses.

“You sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth as he pushed his hand into your panties without warning—but he kept it still, only resting his palm over the heat of your arousal, barely brushing his fingertips against the mound, smirking as you uttered a low, agonized moan of protest.

“Y—yes, sir,” you breathed, nodding quickly. You needed it, needed to feel his skillful touch against your throbbing center, to feel the push of his fingers at your entrance, needed more. “Y-yes, master, please—”

“You will tell me when you’re close, pet. Until I allow it, you aren’t to come.”

You fixed your eyes on his and nodded quickly in response to his low warning, your heart racing in anticipation. You were apt to lose yourself the moment he applied the slightest pressure, but you would deal with the repercussions if it meant finding some relief from this agony. He brushed his lips to yours, and his next words gave you pause, made your eyes widen and your heart stop as you immediately reconsidered the possibility of defiance.

“You aren’t to come,” he repeated, his voice a low, sultry purr at the corner of your trembling lips, “until I pull you onto my cock and grant you permission.”

[conceptofjoy]

afterwards how do you think. his friends handle horse boy dirk. bc on one hand wow dirk is so much more Happy and Joyous (oh christ is this his actual trickster moment) but on the other hand he's a lot More when base dirk was already A Lot but on the mutant third hand the sheer level of shennaniganery he & jane can get up to. prankster king + amped up horse = gambit meters exploding everywhere (and things exploding in general)

roxy would think it's hilarious, jane is the most chill person on the earth and would be like okay i guess we're doing horsedirk now, jake would have a gender and sexuality moment but like i feel my jakehead mutuals would be better at elaborating on that lol.

i mean the pony upgrade would be like him speed running his gender and sexuality acceptance, the he/they is unleashed upon the world and wont stop break dancing.

getting a horsetier would require some spriting on his part but we can hand wave the plot points bc i just wanna imagine them hanging out for a second. it would be beautiful.

(arq is a little jealous of course, i mean... he's a fucking horse.)

if it were hal around... POOR FUCKING HAL how come dirk gets the sprite, becomes PART HORSE, and is the happiest boy alive. hal would absolutely be like ok i get you're excited, i would be excited too, but can you please TONE IT DOWN HOLY SHIT YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

[restinslices]

Okay I have a request. Can you please do MK1 Earthrealm men headcanons in bullet point format reacting to a 2 week sex ban? 🤭 You can come up with reasons why there was a ban in the first place. Also would the reader fold or the men first?

Took a lil minute since I had irl shit but I finished

Johnny Cage

Johnny's big mouth is the reason the ban happened 

Johnny is big on PDA and he shows you affection a lot. It's cute, but it makes some people wanna barf 

Someone would make a comment calling you both gross and asking why Johnny had to be on you like that, and Johnny would defend himself 

“It's not me! It's them! They couldn't function without me touching them”

This would result in a confrontation and you saying it's the complete opposite and then it'd lead to how much sex you have and then you'd challenge him to a ban 

At first Johnny is super confident 

Two weeks without sex? Piece of cake! If worse comes to worse, he could always sneak away and use his hand 

For the first couple of days it's pretty easy. He's not THAT feral 

Once the first week passes, he's struggling 

Everything seems to turn him on and he can't get any privacy. It's like you can read his mind because every single time he tries to sneak away, you're right behind him. He's real close to asking if you have a power you haven't told him about

So naturally, he tries to get you to fold first 

He tries everything. He flirts more than usual (which is already a lot), compliments you, rubs against you, kisses you longer than need be, anything and everything 

You never break and it frustrates him beyond belief 

How are you completely fine when he's struggling like crazy?

“You can go two weeks without having sex with me? That's insulting” “No it's not. You're just a big baby”

Needless to say, he doesn't make the two weeks 

If you wanna be nice, you can make him apologize then have sex with him after 

If you wanna be mean, you can make him apologize but still make him wait the 2 weeks

He's begging you to be nice 

Kenshi Takahashi

Kenshi is the one who brings it up 

You're all over him and he's ok with that, but you both should be focusing on training. Liu Kang is choosing a champion for Earthrealm soon, but you seem too busy jumping on him 

He told you that you two should be focusing more, and you argued that you are focused 

You are? Alright. Prove it. 

And that's how the sex ban happens 

It's not that Kenshi isn't struggling. He is. His determination is higher tho

Remember this is when he's at the Academy and he's trying to restore his clan and get his sword back from Johnny. So he's real goal oriented right now 

When he gets frustrated, instead of going to have sex with you, he just tries to think about his goals and the outcome he wants 

Your frustration also pushes him to keep going. As asshole-ish as it sounds, it's hilarious to him 

Watching your attempts to seduce him and trying to get him to give up genuinely makes him laugh 

Salt in the wound because IMAGINE rubbing against him and he laughs at you

Sickening 

The more frustrated you become, the more determined he becomes 

At some point you tell him you give up 

Now I see this going 1 of 3 ways 

A) He accepts your defeat and gives you what you want 

B) He makes you go on and on about how his focus is better than yours, and he still refuses to have sex with you and makes you wait 

C) He has sex with you but doesn't let you finish since you lost 

Depends on the day and his mood 

Kung Lao

I can see his situation being similar to Kenshi’s but not exactly the same 

Let's paint the scene 

You're at the Academy and Kung Lao isn't really focused. He's so convinced he'll be the Earthrealm champion but he keeps slacking off 

When you mention this, he dismisses it. Yeah, he spends a lot of time under you but he trains too! 

That's when you say that if he's not chosen to represent Earthrealm, then he can't touch you for 2 weeks 

Him not being the chosen one? Yeah fucking right 

… 

… 

Well shit-

Surely you're not serious though- oh you are? 

He tries to find loopholes and convince you to drop it 

“It's not like we had a contract” “Come on, you can't be serious” “Two weeks? That's excessive! Two days tops” “It's not like I just want sex. You want it too. I won't be the only one suffering”

You don't budge 

He's frustrated because he didn't get the damn lightning amulet and he wants to let it out but you're not letting him 

And his hand isn't the same 

He tries to convince himself that he's fine. It's not a big deal. He can make it. Yadyadya 

I can see him making it through the 2 weeks but he's so visibly unhappy 

And do not laugh. He'll wanna kill you 

It's so obvious he's dying on the inside. His eyes linger way too long on you 

He took the L at the mini tournament and now he feels like he's taking an L now. Back to back slaps in the face 

And you lecturing him about how he could've possibly beaten Raiden if he focused more irritates the life outta him 

He gets it! Damn! Let it go and touch him 

You do not and he's forced to wait the 2 weeks 

Be aware that once the clock strikes midnight, he'll be on you immediately 

Raiden

Aight y'all I'm lowkey running out of reasons 

And because of that, imma say he just heard about the shit on google. Maybe someone was saying it could benefit the relationship. Idk. 

He brings up the idea and you agree to it 

Now I don't see Raiden wanting to have sex all the time so I don't think 2 weeks would be that difficult for him 

Does he struggle somewhat? A little 

And I mean a little 

It's not on his mind all the time and when he’s in the mood he reminds himself how little time he has left 

He's also training new recruits at the Academy so that keeps him busy and distracted 

He definitely wants to have sex at some point but it’s not something pushing on his shoulders

It’s not bothering him the way it bothers the other Earthrealm men

As for you, I believe in you making it as well 

Like I said, Raiden doesn't want sex all the time so it's not like you're fucking like rabbits. So 2 weeks ain't that bad 

He's also gone for some time so it's not like you're seeing him all the time and wanting to fuck on him 

If you're training new recruits as well, you're both busy and fucking around new recruits ain't a good look 

The two of you make it through the 2 weeks. Congratulations! 

Your prize? There is none

Just a little fun for the two of you to do

Maybe you'll do it again and try to go longer 

I think overall he can probably last around a month

Liukang

Before I even say why this happened, let me just say you are NEVER winning this 

This man has incredible patience. This is the same guy that rebuilt society and waited hundreds of thousands of years for his friends to come back. Do y'all really think he'll struggle with not getting his dick wet for 2 weeks? 

Now why does this ban happen? I'm so glad you asked and I'm definitely not grabbing at straws here- (or is it grasping?)

Now idk the timeline and how much time passed in the game so excuse me if I'm wrong 

Let's say the bullshit with the other Shang Tsung happened over the span of 2 weeks 

When shit started picking up, Liu Kang thought it would be best for the both of you to have space 

He doesn't mean like, a breakup type of break. He just means “hey, we can't be distracted. We should try and give each other space so we can be more productive”

You can be around each other but things like dates, and sex aren't happening until shit is fixed 

Now, like I said, Liu Kang is fine 

He's thinking about everyone's safety. Not sex. 

And that doesn't mean he doesn't wanna have sex with you. He just knows he needs to focus right now 

Trying to convince him that he can spare a few minutes to be alone isn't gonna work with him. 

“This'll help you too. Your will, your resolve, your-”

Insert other monk type shit he'd say

You can try and try and try to convince him but he'll always say no

He'll hug and kiss you but that takes a few seconds 

You can tell him that he spends more time sleeping than fucking but he'll disregard that 

You can try to flirt with him and touch him but he'll seem unmoved 

In reality, he's definitely hormonal when you do that but he's not clawing at the walls. He could last a lot longer than 2 weeks 

Once the bullshit is over he'll do what you want for as long as you want 

Might bring up doing it again as a joke but you seem like you'll try and kill him so it never happens 

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Obvs it wouldn't happen because imprints don't work that way, but what if Jacob imprinted on CARLISLE?

You're hilarious, anon, that's what you are.

Alright, let's do this.

Jacob Imprints on Carlisle Cullen: A Timeline

The thing is, Jacob doesn't notice for a fairly long time. Remember that Jacob hardly ever meets any of the Cullens until fairly late in the series. In Twilight and New Moon, before shifting, he was extremely embarrassed by his father's superstitious attitude that's so bad it's to the point where he's told the entire tribe that none of them are to go to Forks hospital (which as the closest hospital in a rural area, and one with a now very qualified surgeon that they won't otherwise be able to get to for several hours, this is... a very extreme choice that speaks to just how seriously the Quileute view the Cullen problem).

Jacob meets Edward once in Twilight, at a distance, when he tells Bella at Prom "So... my dad told me to break up with your vampire boyfriend and that the spooky tribe will be watching you :/ ah ha ha ha ha ha".

And then the Cullens are gone until the end of New Moon, at which point Jacob only runs into Carlisle Cullen in Eclipse when the shapeshifters and the Cullens have agreed to join forces to stop the newborn army and to have their solitary training session where they take this seriously.

The Cullens Jacob gets to have lovely interactions with beforehand are Alice at the end of New Moon (in which Alice has some choice words) and Edward who is... Edward.

But not the others.

(The movies where the Cullens and wolves run into each other hunting Victoria, and get into a catfight, is just the movies and was an entirely ridiculous scene.)

What this means is that we've gone through all of Twilight, New Moon, and most of Eclipse. Jacob is pining after Bella, in this torrid love triangle with Edward the blood sucking demon as his rival, has kissed Bella, and has spent an entire novel trying to convince Bella that she's in love with him and "also, don't become a vampire" without much luck on either front.

And now, the worst thing in the world happens.

The Moment

Very reluctantly, the Cullens and shapeshifters have both agreed that the threat is now so large that neither of them can contain it as an individual group. The Cullens have been rebuffed by the Denali who only agreed to help if they got the chance to commit genocide/have their revenge for the death of Laurent.

The shapeshifters, on the other side, hear that a horde of vampires the size of which they have never encountered before (when they're having issues dealing with just one, only one, vampire) is going to descend upon the town of Forks and, with extreme sadness, agree to a) help out the Cullens b) agree that they need the Cullens help on this one.

So, they get this training session (in which Bella shows up because... unclear why she's there, she really shouldn't have been there/really made the impression that they were flaunting the Bride of Dracula in the shapeshifter's faces) and the Cullens all watch as the wolves show up, more than they had ever suspected, Bella oohs over what a big red wolf Jacob is and--

I imagine they freeze, because they were wolves at the time, so they were all in the wolfy hive mind. This means every single one of them knows the second Jacob imprints and get to process it along with him.

Suddenly, Carlisle Cullen is Jacob's gravity, his reason for existence, his everything.

And he's a vampire.

Who is 300 years old. And physically twenty-three years old.

And he's married.

And Edward is right there hearing every thought the hive mind is having.

I imagine Emmett warily asks Edward what's going on. Is everything okay, or are they all about to kill each other and the treaty's off? Edward can't answer because. No. No.

"Seriously, Edward," I imagine Rosalie says, "What's happening?"

(Alice sure wishes she could see what was going on right now, at all, she sure wishes she could help here. Man, it would be great if she could use her gift and wasn't BLOCKED BY FUCKING WOLVES. WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT?! WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF SHE HAD VISIONS THAT COULD TELL HER WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!)

The wolves don't want to answer either as none of them want to admit this is happening (except for Jacob who's still too brain scrambled to react yet).

Jacob, I imagine breaks first. He shifts (and he is... sadly... naked... for this...) and runs over to Carlisle Cullen, the center of his new existence, and happily explains that his universe has just turned on its head and whatever Carlisle Cullen needs from him, JACOB IS THERE, MAN.

Carlisle... doesn't... need... anything...

He's also very confused and alarmed. And can Jacob please put on his clothes?

Edward, reluctantly, explains to his father that Jacob has just er imprinted on him. It's a thing. No, it doesn't necessarily mean romantic love (probably) but Jacob is now Carlisle's.... person. But Jacob's clearly wrong because Carlisle is married and he doesn't need a new son or a friend or anything.

HE HAS HIS FAMILY.

Bella, meanwhile, is shocked, shocked and--confused--and--hurt. Was Jacob gay/bisexual this whole time? But no, Edward just said it didn't have to be romantic. But Bella's also had it explained to her that the imprinter is supposed to be the most important person in the imprintee's life. Sam left Leah so that he could marry Emily when he imprinted on her, and even if it is platonic--isn't Bella supposed to be Jacob's best friend? Wasn't he just telling her how in love with her he was? Hasn't he been the sun in her life?

But because of this single second of imprinting, from a corner Bella never expected... that's done now. Jacob won't be in love with her anymore, all that talk of Bella being in love with him won't matter at all, they'll be less close friends at most and...

And maybe that's a good thing? She's with Edward, she's marrying Edward in a few weeks, she wants to be with Edward. If Jacob gives up, or imprints, then they can stay the way they are without Jacob wanting her to give up on Edward.

It's just that Jacob's most important person will be Edward's vampire dad...

I imagine Sam shifts at this point as... the situation has changed a bit. And tries to get Jacob to calm down and, "We need to discuss this, Jacob" but Jacob isn't having it as the most important person in his life is standing there, staring at him, and clearly wants nothing to do with him.

And Jacob realizes--there's not any room for him. The man has a wife, he has children, WHAT IS JACOB SUPPOSED TO DO?! YOU NEED A BEST FRIEND, DOC?!

Everyone would really love to call off this training session by this point but... that vampire army is coming and they're running out of time.

They have to do this.

They do a speed run and then rush back to their prospective homes where they grill Edward (who has the wonders of spying telepathy) about what the fuck imprinting means and what's happening.

The shapeshifters go home to be extremely upset and try to reason with Jacob who... given how he acted in canon with Renesmee, probably runs to the Cullen's house screaming "CARLISSSSSSSSSSSSSSLE" out of terror that they'll leave in the middle of the night because of this.

Jacob immediately plots how he can stop the Cullens/Carlisle from leaving Forks. In this case, showing Charlie his wolf form would do nothing, as Bella's not the one turned and in theory they could just leave her behind and run if Jacob outed them. Similarly, getting Bella to end up with him and not turn would mean the Cullens would just vamoose.

Jacob concludes, in a moment of horror, the only way to guarantee the Cullens stay is if Bella and Edward get together and then Bella has to stay. Bella's what's connecting them to Forks, what's keeping them from disappearing, even what drew them back in the first place.

And he's right to be concerned as the Cullens are discussing just this. They have to stay through this newborn fight, but then... if it weren't for Bella they'd be leaving as quickly as possible and even then... maybe Carlisle and Esme should just go on ahead? Edward and Bella, do you have to get married right here in Forks/invite everyone from Forks?

Unfortunately, due to that wedding and the pesky detail of inviting Bella's friends and relatives, they really are stuck for at least a few weeks, until Bella and Edward can go off to college.

Jacob's Plan

Jacob then has a few short weeks to convince Carlisle Cullen that he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, he totally needs Jacob in his life, and pffff wife shmife.

So, Jacob does things like just... show up at the Cullen house. He just shows up. And at the hospital, and everywhere, trying to prove how cool he is to Carlisle who is just sad about all of this. He's so sad.

There has been much querying in both parties of "are we sure there isn't a way to get rid of this?" and both the Cullens and shapeshifters had concluded "no, not really, we don't even understand what the fuck this is".

And while Carlisle really wants to just up and leave... it sounds like he'd cause Jaocb mental anguish unheard of for the rst of his existence if he doesn't throw him some bone.

"We can go... fishing..."

(Bella was right in that Jacob has dropped her like it's hot. She hasn't seen him since the training.)

At the battle, instead of guarding Bella's tent in the night, Jacob insists on being where the rest of the Cullens are. Yeah yeah, Edward, have fun with wifey.

(This is not fun as Bella nearly freezes to death in the tent, and as there's no Jacob to keep her warm, Edward just has to sit there, panicking, as he sadly wishes he could warm Bella up himself buT hE's a MonStEr)

There is no "kiss me or I'll kill myself", Bella doesn't even see Jacob when the fighting happens or afterwards. I imagine Jacob's still hurt, (and gets quality time with Dr. Cullen and morphine as he recovers, yay!) and Bella... barely gets to see him then either.

At least Edward's upset about this too and annoyed, if for very different reasons.

Bella finds herself just... ending up with Edward, with no closure on how that Jacob thing would have gone if it would have gone everywhere. Jacob's not even promising to never speak to her again/kill her on sight anymore, he doesn't even seem to care about vampirism as all he wants to do is hang out with Carlisle Cullen, which is.... good? This is good? Is this good?

Jacob doesn't run out of town before the wedding, he's right there, the whole time, hanging out with Carlisle (who is gently trying to tell Jacob that, you know, the Cullens will have to leave this place and your whole family is here so you should... try... to get over this or be... um... long distance).

When Bella becomes pregnant, Jacob only cares that this is clearly stressing Carlisle out who is now supposed to figure out how to birth her demon, alien, horrifying spawn. Gosh, Bella.

(Bella misses her best friend).

And...

Damn.

Basically the rest of the series happens, as Jacob still protects pregnant Bella as he has to protect Carlisle, except that Jacob is imprinted on Vampire Dad and Bella's trying to have a very brave face about this.

SHE AND JACOB ARE STILL FRIENDS! (He just doesn't talk to her anymore...)

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Imagine coming home from a long day of running errands to see ¡yandere! Sam Trapani beating one of your admirers to a bloody pulp on your front door step.

Warnings: Gore, violence, mentions of stalking, obsession, forced relationship

A/N: I drew this at the depths of night when I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t seen really any yandere mafia stuff soooo…… here you go!! Art + headcannon…you may now feast.

Requests: open 24/7

Bonus pt.2

(I mention that the admirer is young, I mean like Sam is 40 so the other guys is late 20’s to early thirties. Sam is just getting insecure about his age)

Sam had been stalking and slowly trying to court you for about a year and he’s getting closer to his goal of finally making you his; but this new guy that just moved in next door is just fucking it alll up.

It first started with the guy going over to your house to introduce himself and harmlessly wanting to be a friendly neighbor. Then quickly become bolder and bolder with his flirtations, much to Sam’s dismay! Could you believe that THE Sam Trapani is extremely jealous of this guy?? Probably 10 years younger and quite handsome, That boy is a serious threat.

You laugh louder at his jokes than you do at sam’s, your clothes are getting much more revealing and the way you prance your little ass over to him anytime he calls your name was seriously eating at him and he’s at his wits end of it. Sam knows he’s getting older but is his charm really that stale now?

Even when Sam is having a full conversation with with you this little shit will come around and inject himself into the whole interaction. Sam even started going grocery shopping on your schedule just to be able to have some alone time with you and yet again this man appears out of the wood works. Every. Single. Time.

(Okay that’s a little dramatic but the point still stands…Sammy cannot keep up with him. He’s finally met his match and he’s so whiny about ittt)

The other guys noticed this and found it extremely hilarious, Trapani wasn’t the hot shit of the town anymore and there was someone younger and more good looking ready to take his place and his girl. They poked fun and joked how Sam was now officially an old geezer and that a young damsel like yourself wouldn’t want anything to do with him. They fed into his insecurities and made everything just ten times worse. Of course they meant no harm, Sam usually wouldn’t be hung up on a girl for too long and plus he still had pretty much every other woman of Lost Haven in his hands so what what the big deal? Why were you so damn special anyways?

“Look Sam,” paulie breathed in between laughs. “Y/N is admittedly very gorgeous but just leave it alone at this point. She’s very obviously more into him than you. What about that broad down at the Corleone…what was her name??”

“Michelle..” Sam gritted in a low venomous tone

“Right, Michelle! Maaaaybeee…you can get her out of that hell hole and I’m sure once she cleans up nicely she’ll be…something of a wife” Paulie erupted into laughter once again after finishing that sentence, barely able to hold back the tears that accompanied it.

Sam already decided enough was enough and there was no point in trying to play this whole love game thing fairly. Going down to your house and giving it to you straight was the only way he could think of doing this. He wanted your love story to feel organic and for your admiration for him to slowly bloom but you’re obviously not getting it. You don’t understand that Sam is the only possible match for you.

So much time stalking, analyzing and carefully articulating every move he made with you isn’t about be washed down the drain just because some bright eyed sucker wants to fuck you. No…it’s okay though. You’re just slightly misguided by all the butterflies and fluff but soon he’ll lead you right back to where you need to be.

As his car approached your door, he noticed a fellow holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a wrapped gift in his hand ready to knock on your door. Obviously Sam’s time was running out far sooner than he had previously expected at that moment something inside of him snapped.

Without thinking any further he got out of his sleek black car and opened the trunk, out of it he grabbed a bat and started towards the young man.

”Oh hey Sam! I’ve been knocking on y/n’s door for quite some time now. Do you know where sh-“ before the young man could even finish his next sentence the bat connected with his head and continued to do so as Sam kept striking him over and over..

Nothing was said out of Sam’s mouth as he beat him to a pulp…actually nothing could be heard throughout the entire neighborhood outside of the thwacking of the bat and the cries that escaped the admirer’s lips, pleading for him to stop. Everyone in the neighborhood silently watch from a distance, they all knew of Sam’s affiliation and no one wanted to be next on Salierie’s list. Even the birds decided to stop chirping in fear they too would meet the same fate as the fellow

This continued on for another couple minutes before a blood curdling scream broke Sam’s attack.

“Sam?!? What the hell are you doing to him????”

Hearing your familiar voice, Sam swiftly stood up to face you, hurriedly trying to explain what happened.

“Look…y/n calm down, this is just a simple miss understanding…”

He flashed a brisk smile and steadily started walking towards you

“Just come with me and we can speak about this over dinner, huh? You’d like that?”

Shaking your head and carefully backing away from the deranged man, you cried out

“No…n-no…no Sam….” A breath passed “Y-you gangsters are all the same…you hurt people without cause, just look at what you did to him! He was a good man!”

Sam for a moment, stopped walking and looked back at the bloody scene he had just created before looking back at you.

“Oh sweetheart…”

He began walking towards you again, this time faster so he could catch your arm.

“…trust me when I say, this isn’t the worst i could’ve done to em’. ”

Pulling you in close to his chest, he moved slightly to the side of your face and lowered his lips to your ear before speaking again,

“I’ve got something to make it up to you, doll face.” Looking down at his bloody and bruised hands, he held a perfectly intact rose…

[science-lings]

Something that I think about a lot is how Phoenix's reputation evolves, because he starts out as the kid with no friends who would stand up to him, to the puppylike college student who got acquitted of the murder of another student and immediately changed the course of his life to become a lawyer, to the guy who interns under one of the greatest defense attorneys since Gregory Edgeworth, to the guy who took over her practice and defeated the demon prosecutor in one fell swoop, the guy who took down the powerful CEO guy who literally blackmailed a bunch of people to suicide and killed a woman with his own hands to keep the truth from getting out and Phoenix went after him in his first case that he took by himself.

The guy who confronted the mafia (twice?) and was the one defense attorney to take the case of said demon prosecutor to go against another unbeatable unethical prosecutor and he did it with a parrot and a single piece of evidence. He defended the chief prosecutor and took down the corrupt chief of police and that's just the first game.

Imagine the press following this guy. You know when you attend a trial where Phoenix is the defense there's going to be some Crazy Shit going on. He will leave his current trial to interrupt another trial and he gets popular enough that someone impersonates him and to the point where an assassin blackmails him into taking a case and this motherfucker still tricks them into incriminating themselves. He exorcises a ghost who has a personal vendetta against him in court and by the end of the trilogy is really well known for the most mindblowing crazy shit and then it all comes crumbling down like two months later.

The most sensational defense attorney is dethroned and adopts his disappearing defendant's daughter and I like to think that when he gets involved with underground poker and starts toeing the line between the criminal world and the one he knows he discovers that he has a reputation there already too. You cannot tell me guy who kind of made friends with Viola Cadaverini is not on the mafia's radar at least somewhat. He got Dee Vasquez arrested and was the one guy not afraid to poke at people associated with Cadaverini, who the entire police force won't dare touch.

it just wouldn't be surprising to me if he unknowingly garnered some street cred, especially if he's seen around Kristoph and Edgeworth, a guy who calmly makes sure he never loses his cases and someone who literally has a reputation as a demon. I just think it would be so funny if people were a little afraid of beanix, just because of what he's heard about him. He's never been violent or anything, but he's dangerous in much less tangible ways. He builds a vibe around him that makes him seem kinda threatening even if there's no proof that he's ever retaliated against anyone.

He stays calm even when he's being put on trial for a murder and in the courtroom there's a feeling that everything is being played like a game to him. He should be in the most vulnerable position but he's entirely in control. He's been an undefeated poker player for seven years and no one but his daughter can even guess about what he's thinking.

Just... the outward mysterious act and infamous reputation that grows beyond Phoenix's control that makes it when he gets back into law kind of hilarious when you think about it. The guy everyone was a little nervous around in the basement of a russian bar/restaurant is now a lawyer again and the first thing he does is defend an orca. The publicity around this guy has to be insane in combination with the whispers in the shadows. It is simply funny to me.

[absolutely-esme]

Monster!Tim Coraline au part 3

I had more thoughts on the au from here and here.

First off, It's called Hungry Monster Tim au unless and until I come up with a better name.

That's the tag that will help you find related content. I titled the post the way I did so that people who found the au before it had a name could recognize it. I'm hoping this will minimize confusion.

...

Now, I figure I'll talk a bit about how others view Tim.

The most of the earlier additions to the Batfam have mostly interacted with Tim in Emotional Support Tim mode.

Emotional Support Tim is pleasant and comforting. He is not overly exuberant and joyful in a way that would grate on fresh grief. He is also not joyless in a way that might make a hero feel obligated to worry about him. He is gentle and competent. His patience seems nearly endless. He can tolerate both being coddled and being leaned on. He can tolerate both being clung to and pushed away. He can tolerate switching back and forth at unpredictable intervals.

Tim approached Nightwing in his standard state of "tired, low on patience, and possibly about to do something stupid," once before Tim realized he was also grief-stricken and in no fit state to get Batman under control. He might have an inkling that Emotional Support Tim is an act, or he might just think Tim was having a bad day.

Bruce thinks Emotional Support Tim is what Tim is actually like. By the time Bruce was functional enough to not need so much managing, he'd gotten attached enough to the facade for Tim to have concerns about dropping it.

Alfred can tell that Tim is putting on a facade. He can tell that the role Tim has taken on is wearing on him. He doesn't like it. He feels guilty for allowing it to continue. He can't bring himself to put a stop to it when it's keeping his adoptive son alive.

Barbara initially meets Emotional Support Tim, immediately clocks the act, and pulls him aside to make sure there isn't something sinister afoot. Babs has reservations about every aspect of Tim's involvement, but agrees that something had to be done about Bruce. She lets him carry on for now, but she's ready to pull the plug if it seems like it's getting too much for him. She insists that Tim drop the act when it's just the two of them.

Babs doesn't know about the supernatural stuff specifically, but she knows there's more going on with Tim than what she knows about. She may learn that he has some hereditary health stuff that requires him to be extra careful about his food intake. She makes a point to not be weird about it because people being weird about her wheelchair annoys the crap out of her.

I like to imagine that Babs and Tim have a certain amount of solidarity over being the sensible ones who keep all these unhinged, dramatic bitches in line. They also have solidarity over ignoring the fact that they are just as dramatic and unhinged as the rest of the Bats.

Steph meets Tim in Regular Tim mode because Bruce isn't with him. Instead of trying to discourage Spoiler, he introduces her to Babs. Steph knows Tim as a tired smartass who kind of always seems like he's a bit hangry and trying not to take it out on anyone, but apparently he's just like that.

They don't date, but do become friends. Part of this is because grouchy, eternally hungry, constantly done-with-this-shit Tim isn't attractive to Steph but is kind of hilarious. Part of it is because Babs points out that there is no possible timeline where the kind of power imbalance from only one member of a couple knowing the other's secret identity doesn't turn toxic.

When Steph eventually encounters Emotional Support Tim, it creeps her out. She uses the term "pod person" when asking what the heck that was.

Steph's disastrous stint as Robin doesn't happen because she's already got her own thing going. She already has a mentor and appropriate protective gear. Babs and Steph actually get along better because they start their mentorship as Oracle and Spoiler without any of the complicated emotions of taking up a mantle.

I like Steph as Spoiler the best because it always seemed a little messed up to shove someone who already had their own original Identity into two legacy mantles. Let her do her own thing. She doesn't need to be a successor to Babs or Dick when she's already the OG Steph. Instead of giving her the Robin gear or the Batgirl gear, get her some upgraded, Bat-quality Spoiler gear.

Steph doesn't start a gang war or fake her death in this timeline, because the circumstances that caused it do not exist here.

Jason initially encounters Tim in Feral Cryptid mode, then writes that off as a fever dream after waking up to Emotional Support Tim. Once free of the Lazarus parasite, Jason makes it his mission to be a good big brother to Tim. Tim seemed a little stand-offish at first, but warmed up to him. (As soon as Tim realized that food was part of Jason's love language, he rearranged his meal plan to let Jason feed him without triggering supernatural problems with his metabolism.)

Jason eventually manages to earn Tim's trust enough to meet and get to know Regular Tim. Jason is both honored and concerned. Putting on such an extensive facade for the comfort of others has got to be exhausting, and Tim seems so worn down underneath it. Well, he doesn't have to do it for Jason anymore. Jason will happily hang out with and support any version of Tim.

When Damian shows up, he mostly sees Emotional Support Tim. Then he starts trying to kill him. Eventually, Tim's patience with the pint-sized murderer wears thin (possibly due to Damian hitting a PTSD trigger), and Tim goes Feral Cryptid mode. This freaks Damian out. There is no video evidence (which the rest of the Bats assume to be because Damian tampered with the security system in an attempt to get away with murder).

It doesn't happen again.

Tim doesn't bust out his powers or cryptid form against Damian again, but now that he's seen it, Damian sometimes sees traces of Feral Cryptid Tim lurking below the surface. Various little things he'd ignored that hadn't seemed significant on their own now seem to stem from the nature of what lurks inside the human skin.

Damian stops the murder attempts early. It's not because of ethics (which will take time to learn). It’s because he has no idea how to kill whatever sort of unearthly thing Tim is, and he recognizes how unwise it would be to continue attacking something he cannot kill. For now, Tim seems content to leave him be whenever he's not directly under assault. Damian doesn't want to risk becoming enough of a pest to be worth the effort of swatting.

...

I also had thoughts about Tim's post-Robin period.

When Tim goes on his quest to retrieve Bruce from the time stream, he doesn't take the Red Robin suit. He's going to be outside of the Bats' scrutiny, so he gears up with a suit and equipment he'd secretly made with his supernatural nature in mind. It's got Bat-standard armor and padding, but modified to accommodate a bit of form shifting without compromising protection. It's got a patchwork thing going on.

Tim sewed it himself, which allows him to manipulate it. It's also got buttons sewn in strategic locations to eliminate blindspots. (Taking down the beldam gave him the ability to control things he made and see through buttons he sewed).

His utility pouches are full of both Bat-standard equipment and things relevant to Tim's abilities. Also, he makes his pockets bigger on the inside, so he can carry a lot.

Tim isn't around the other Bats, so he's not being Emotional Support Tim. He's not using the minor illusion powers he got from the beldam to make himself look pleasant. He only makes the effort to be comforting when dealing with victims. He's just being the semi-feral scrungly dude he is.

...

Tim keeps in touch with Jason, Babs, and Steph while he's off on his quest to find Bruce. He occasionally pitches in with stuff that can be done from a distance.

Tim didn't say that Bruce was still alive before he had evidence. It's not because this version managed to predict that they wouldn't believe him, but rather because he thought he might have to do some supernatural stuff to get him back and didn't want witnesses. He just told the other Bats he needed to investigate something and would tell them more once he had figured out enough to know what to tell them.

This means that the other heroes don't think he's crazy, and Tim can use hero resources for his investigation.

I haven't decided yet if Tim will interact with the League of Assassins at all. On the one hand, I think this Tim might not need to work with them. On the other hand, Hungry Monster Tim terrorizing the League of Assassins and fighting the Lazarus Pit would be funny. Maybe Ras doesn't try to recruit him. Maybe Tim just shows up, fights the Lazarus Pit, and leaves without explaining anything to anyone.

Either way, I think that Tim is pretty much done with keeping up the Emotional Support Tim facade by the time he comes home after saving Bruce. It's been long enough to justify the change.

Babs, Jason, and Steph are happy for Tim because they can see how much better he's doing without the added strain of keeping up the act. They are also glad that he feels comfortable enough to just be himself.

Bruce and Dick are more in the horrified/concerned neighborhood because, from their perspective, Tim started off gentle-natured and glowing with health, got fired from Robin, disappeared for a while, and came back gaunt and world-weary.

...

I'm thinking about whether or not Tim should tell Babs, Jason, and Steph about the supernatural stuff he's got going on.

It would have come out at some point. If he tries to keep it secret forever, you can bet some kind of dramatic, high-stakes threat would force the reveal. That's just how the Bats' lives are.

What I am debating with myself is whether or not to have Tim choose to share a secret he's been keeping for as long as he can remember for fear of the danger discovery might bring with the people he trusts most without something forcing his hand.

If he does, I think he would tell Jason first. Jason has seen that side of him, and Tim allowed him to think it was a nightmare. Tim wouldn't want to risk Jason hearing about it from someone else. Tim would probably be scared. He doesn't know if Jason will still like him once he knows that Tim really is the Monster from his nightmare. He doesn't know if Jason will forgive him for lying about it.

I think this would happen after Tim comes back to Gotham after saving Bruce.

[charmallows]

ok hear me out on my post-finale roomie hcs. ik some of these are really obvious but some also just make sense to me ↓

i love that mic soap and taco rooming together is the general consensus its so endlessly funny to me. no matter how you interpret soap and mic's relationship it's hilarious. personally i see them as sisterly so them sharing a room with mic's weird little girlfriend who probably sleeps in the closet or sometimes ducks outside mysteriously cracks me up so much

balloon and nickel. obvious. really funny if they did truly share a room before season 3 and still do now. like nothing about their living arrangement changed they just dont wanna kill each other anymore

lightbulb and paintbrush. another obvious choice. paintbrush was so deeply afflicted with lightbulb withdrawals in s3 i think you'd have to fight them Tooth And Nail even Suggesting they room with someone else. sorry fan. but i do also think paintbrush takes time to themself to quite often. it's healthy for both of them i think

payjay. duh. i heard somewhere that supposedly they push their beds together to make a big bed. huge if true. also lets them push their beds Away if they need to. which i imagine happens a lot. i feel like if oj doesn't push his bed into the corner of the room alone at least once a week he'll go fucking insane

suitcase and box! with suitcase being the first person box truly talked to in the afterlife and her first real friend i feel this is a good choice. suitcase would be more than happy to room with her if that's what helps her feel the most comfortable. i also just think they continue to get along really well!

fan and test tube are inseparable to me. i do think test tube shared a room with mic beforehand and it was a tad tense. rooming with fan is comfortable change of pace for her. they're the nerds! attached at the hip! i love them.

salt and pepper. we all know why…..

cheesy and bomb, LOVE this duo. i think they'd be cool. nothing really more to say

cherries and yinyang, i don't think this needs to change from canon tbh. a very solid and fun duo no notes

pickle and trophy. to be so honest with you i just think this one is funny. pickle's such a chill guy and trophy is such a loser. pickle would be so unphased by this guy that trophy would just stop dicking around at a certain point. plus pickle and knife can talk shit about him at the mansion (all in good fun of course. maybe. probably. i do love you trophy)

lifering and baseball, honestly i just think these two could be friends!! lifering's got a really uplifting spirit that i think baseball could appreciate. while i do love his friendship with nickel, it'd help a lot for baseball to be friends with someone just unabashedly positive and supportive, especially after his experiences on ii. and baseball's just a nice, dependable, pleasant dude, balanced well with lifering. idk i see potential!!

tissues and tk!! my eyes were recently opened to the concept of tissues becoming like an honorary sinkers member and i'm in love with it. tk is sweet and accommodating and tissues needs friends who won't ostracize him! not that i think he'd be so poorly treated now but. you know what i mean. i like this duo's potential!

cabby and candle, to be quite honest with you i just could not in good conscience put silver and candle in a room together LMAO. i love them, and i think their relationship can improve, but they DEFINITELY do not need to be sharing each other's space like that. so, cabby! i think these two would make for a just a very solid, very chill duo. cabby's openness and candle's emotional intelligence… while they'd maybe butt heads over some things, both having such strong personalities, its nothing that couldn't be mended between them. i like it!

silver and blueberry are funnyyy. next question

CHEER FACTORY ^—^!!!!!

well he is the floor!

of course there's the mansiongoers, can't exactly leave (apple and marsh can, but they don't really want to)

and clover is still traveling with her butterflies i think. in her lane and thriving

ideally some of the s3 newbies would stay in paradise, but since cabby's library is gone there isn't too much there to live With. and since the majority of the former contestants are on inanimate island, that's where the newbies eventually navigate to. i imagine after society is built on inanimate island some rebuilding efforts are put in place in paradise and some do go back eventually

frequent mansion visitors are pickle, suitcase, mic, paintbrush, and trophy. trophy likes to bother knife (he's masking his respect for him). i imagine suitcase in particular visits a whole lot, mostly for knife but i think she'd build up a decent friendship with marshmallow too! pickle and mic visit for knife but mic also plays in the band with marsh apple and bow! dough is their sound guy, he's included don't worry. and paintbrush visits marsh every so often :)

uhh i had more to say but i forgot. anyway! yeah those are my thoughts. feel free to fight me on these. they're just for funsies

[theobsessedcookiefan]

https://www.tumblr.com/theobsessedcookiefan/758178391877910528/im-not-deadd-so-i-was-thinking-about-how-would?source=share

Now I can't stop imagining a story/possible story series if you like this idea enough....a human iseaked into the cookie world and the begining is like...y/n wakes up from gingerbrave and the others waking them up and they are like 'ok....this human is ours now' then...onward to hilarious eating scenarios where....well I can already imagine:

Cookie: gingerbrave! Gingerbrave! We have good news and bad news...

Gingerbrave: what's the good news?

Cookie: the human we just adopted and decided to take care of isn't trying to eat anyone that's alive.

Gingerbrave: that's good...I'm glad they have morals. Wait, what's the bad news?

Cookie: they keep trying to eat random items instead.

*off in the distance.*

Herb: STOP TRYING TO EAT THE TREES!!!

Y/n: *just chewing on the tree...*

Herb: GINGERBRAVE! Y/N IS DOING THAT THING AGAIN!!!

(Bonus if you want: I also can't help but imagine whenever they go adventuring or something....gingerbrave has to put y/n on a harness child leash in order to hold them back from trying to eat random stuff...like if you want a funny scenario:

Gingerbrave, talking to a fellow cookie: yes, y/n is a sweetheart and really loves talking to cookies but it's true they have a bad habit of, hold on one second. *they turn to y/n and yank on the leash* y/n no! No eating the dirt! *turns back to the cookie* so as I was saying-)

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LAUGHED WHILE READING THAT LMAO.

So yes, I'll do it because guess what? Cookie run hiperfixation came back like William Afton. I gotchu bro

This'll be kind of interactive btw.

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

ꋬ ꒯ꏂꇙꇙꏂꋪ꓄ ꅐꄲꋪ꒒꒯

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

Okay, let's make a quick recap, you remember installing a silly game of cookies out of boredom and getting totally obsessed with it, it's okay, it's fine, it's not that big of a deal, younger you was obsessed with Minecraft after all, but back with the cookie game, maybe playing it on the bus stop wasn't your best idea, considering it made you get hit by it, okay that was definitely stupid of you, your parents always told you to pay attention to your surroundings when going out, you should've learnt that from all the pokemon go incidents. But focusing on the present; if this was the paradise your grandma told so much about then you should give her extra points, it was really pretty, a forest, blue skies with some clouds and green grass that looked exactly like those in movies, it was too perfect! But in the second glance, why were you slightly bigger than the trees? More importantly.. Why the trees looked so good?.. Was this the vegan's heaven? Or was this hell where you were forced to become vegan? Either way the trees were small, the bigger ones reached your forehead.

Keeping that in mind you sat down, thinking about the whole thing that was happening, were you really dead? If so then what were you supposed to do now? Then a sound broke your train of thoughts, voices? Wait.. You knew those voices. "Wait a damn second-" You thought, peeking through the leaves of the trees, taking advantage of the fact that you were sitting and they could cover you a bit, and what you saw made you speechless, why the heck were Gingerbrave, Strawberry Cookie and Wizard Cookie right in the path front of you?!

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

What will you do?

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[accio-victuuri]

NOVEMBER 19 : The Full Story 📝

oh well sort of, cause this is what is known and shared publicly with tons of filling in the blanks by cpfs. someone made a side by side incidents during this day and time for the past years 2017 to now 2023 and it’s good to see it all laid out. it’s hilarious to see the realization among turtles that we could be wrong about their anniversary date. for years, we always talked about the month of June but now, November is making a great argument 😂

( these freakin masterminds are so naughty! I swear!!! 🤣🤣🤣 )

source of the compilation i’m using to outline is 圣衣雪琳 cause they perfectly summed up the key points very well. I already talked about some of these in my previous post but this is for the “11/19 lore” exclusively and so we can expand on other years.

I’m a sucker for timelines so let’s go 💪🏼

2017: At this time, they already know of each other and depending on who you ask might have already been low key stalking the other. LOL. WYB’s was about Just Dance and ZZ is a selfie and hotpot ; the latter post about going home.

I don’t think that this holds much significance in terms of an actual relationship and stuff happening behind the scenes. However, it feels like fate that they both posted on this day even without that significance being there. We cpfs love to talk about how they are fated and certain things, no matter how mundane, turned out to be a piece that completed the puzzle. There is some push back with some turtles saying this shouldn’t be included cause it seems like the start of this 11/19 is 2018 but again, just leaving this here. I could probably add 2015/2016 if we really wanna back track lol

2018: THIS IS THE KEY CPN IN ALL OF THIS. I have already explained it here. The infamous Japan trip. How both of them seemingly making references to their post from this year vs today (2023) especially XZ who even posted on the same time. There are so many rumors about this timeline, even going as far as saying the next day, they started living together. How this was WYB saying it’s WYB, not LWJ. So the relationship they have now is not between fictional characters but the real one.

I’m eating this candy whole. No one can tell me otherwise. I’m sold 🤣🤣🤣

Have we been wrong? did they officially become together 11/19/2018. Some are even pointing out that one of GG’s photos shared today appears to be him traveling back from IM to Beijing.

and who is in Beijing? His home. Yibo. 🏡

We love to think about them sharing photos to each other and i’m imagining this is ZZ sending something similar to WYB and saying that he is on his way back.

2019: Bazaar video was released, it’s message being a favorite among BXGs. Going by the assumption that this is their anniversary of sorts, it makes sense to have a message like that to be delivered.

how he met his love in a dream ( presumably that summer and playing wwx opposite wyb’s lwj ) and when he woke up, his love is still there. meaning even in reality, he still feels the same. no. it was not scripted, the one who shot it said it was xz’s answer and he was shocked too.

They posted some work related stuff on that day, with WYB’s being audi’s. the part of the caption we are clowning about is : Don’t blame me for not reminding you. Which in the original post and context is about the benefits you will get if you buy an Audi. but in cpn speak it could mean that ZZ probably forget, but he actually didn’t cause that bazaar love confession was clear.

2020: I already talked in detail over here #2 with was going on at the time.

It’s also the start of the whole Thursday is a good day to see you, in reference to WYB’s vogue post. Then it snowballed into a whole CPN of it’s own.

I forgot to add one important thing tho, around this time 11/18 there schedules were public and both are supposed to go back to Beijing. WYB was from Hangzhou and ZZ was from Nanjing. The incident of WYB changing his flight 3x so he can go back to Beijing is this time 11/18. We clowned that he was so eager to be in the same city with ZZ but with what we think now, it could be he wanted them to be together badly because it’s their anniversary the next day 11/19. 🤯

2021: Both of them posting a Douyin video that involves changing clothes. Which is a very common transition trend on the app but seeing it done on the same day was a treat and unusual. GG’s was posted 11/17 and WYB was 11/19.

I wanna remind people too that this is the same month we got the mysterious “voices” both in Shenzhen Vlog ( his husband wang yibo ) and talks of ZZ being at the Luoyang press conference filming. The same month the whole Ximalaya CPN started too. So they were definitely “acting up”.

2022: No actual posts but a parallel. 11/17, Guangdian appeared on the itunes chart because of fan’s effort. 11/18, WYB released a song ( government related ) called Light Chaser. So spotlight = light chaser has similar element and theme of light. Then on 11/20 WYB’s shared a douyin with 👀.

2023: Probably making up for how quiet last year was, they decided to give us a big hint/s of what 11/19 is all about. 😂😂😂

This is all fake and cpn talk. I do enjoy when candies go years back! This journey of trying to piece things together is a bxg’s strength so we’re really thriving today— with all the possibly unrelated events we have managed to stitch together into this! 🙃