#Now im just in a weird mood cause im mentally exhausted

[arollofthedie]

Im pissed off, Im upset, Im concerned. I literally hate everything this job has done to me in such a short period of time. Im pissed that Im here to do the job Im paid for and go home. Ive been nothing but friendly to everyone Ive worked with so far and all youre gonna do is be a passive agressive bitch and lie about me to supervisors. Im upset because I feel like Im giving up on something Ive worked so hard for but I know its for the best. Ive been at rock bottom before and Ive worked too hard to stay in a place that will drive me right back down and I sure as hell havent put this much work into myself as a person to adopt terrible personality traits just to fit in at work. Im concerned because I need the money. Im working towards certain goals and I need the money, I know I can make it work but something that always gives me anxiety is financials. I know itll work out, Ive /made/ it work out before and I have plenty of support but the nerves are still there. I just cant stand periods of uncertainty especially when the cause of them is having to leave a job because of the awful work environment. Cant even really feel better because crying always makes me mentally and emotionally exhausted for the rest of the day. It always sucks when its an accidental breakdown too. I didnt mean to start crying in the car, just glad I wasnt the one driving, but also means it was a witnessed breakdown 😒

But theres only so much a person can take you know? 2 months of being talked down to and treated poorly while being talked about very passive agressively, only to be bounced between different people who I dont mesh with and to be talked about behind my back untruthfully. Its not worth it mentally, and its not worth breaking myself down physically for a job that will inevitably throw me aside for another worker. They wonder why the turnover rate is so high when thats the environment thats cultivated. Anyone who knows their worth would leave the second theyre able to as well.

[mightybeaujester]

It's 3am

I come to tumblr

I reblog almost every post i see for 5 min

I leave

[a-clowns-words]

sup im here to make u regret this

80. “Does he know about the baby?”

have fun :)

fic prompts

how do i- what even.

yk what here goes nothing

pro hero AU

main pairing (platonic): todoroki and deku

romantic pairing: bkdk m/m (i can make this work trust me)

Izuku groaned as he plopped down onto his couch next to Shouto, it'd been a long couple of weeks what with the recent spike of villains in Japan as of late, and it'd really taken a toll on the young hero.

The green-haired man had also recently found out his mother was starting to get sick, really sick, doctors couldn't tell him what it was yet but they suspected cancer. The most supportive person in his life could be dying and he couldn't even do anything about it but pray it was a false alarm.

Plus, to top it all off, his and Katsuki's relationship was dangerously close to being revealed to the public after Pro Hero Pinky in all her glory pulled off a stunt at the annual pro hero interviews on valentines day. So they had both decided that they had to lay low for a while, and it was pure torture not being able to sneak a kiss when they were in public.

This all really wasn't doing any favors to Izuku's mental health recently, and he found himself with a lot more emotions than he could deal with. Mood swings never did agree with his personality, and they definitely didn't nowadays.

To sum it up, Izuku was exhausted, scared as hell, annoyed, wanting to sob, and really needing of affection all at once.

Now, it's important to note that, when feeling all these things, you do not under ANY circumstances, go to Shouto Todoroki with them without telling him the exact situation beforehand.

"Are you alright, Midoriya?" Shouto asked in a concerned tone at seeing his friend so worn out, he'd been noticing it the past few weeks if he was to be honest, even though he thought he knew the cause he'd never ask Izuku directly.

Izuku turned his head to the side to look at Shouto, wearing a straight line of resignation instead of a smile. "Gee I dunno Todoroki does it look like I'm alright?" He grumbled, turning his head back around so he could go back to mindlessly staring at the ceiling. He had hoped inviting Shouto over would bring his mood up, but so far it hasn't been going very well.

Shouto was slightly taken aback but nodded apologetically nonetheless. It was somewhat of a stupid question to ask someone who was pregnant, he thought to himself. "Right, my apologies..."

"No no... I'm sorry too..." Izuku sighed, feeling bad for snapping at his friend. "Really I am, I've just had so much on my mind lately, Todoroki... All these new villains are a pain in the ass, and I've already told you how random some of their quirks are. Plus, I can't even talk to Kacchan as much as we used to, and then my mom has been constantly on my mind lately too... Everything is just so stressful!"

"I understand completely." The other man nodded. He definitely did not understand his friend's situation as much as he thought he did. "Midoriya, have you at least told Bakugou?"

Izuku sighed, sinking back further into the couch. "Told him what? That I don't care if the stupid press sees us because I need him more than ever now? Or told him about how I think it's time we go public with this anyways?" He shook his head, even if he did think they could handle the press, he knew Katsuki would hate every second of it.

Shouto tilted his head, a little confused, before asking, "No... I mean, does he know about the baby?"

The greenette's thoughts abruptly came to a screeching halt, was he hearing correctly? Izuku sat straight up and turned himself towards Shouto, with a baffled face. "Todoroki... Who the hell is pregnant here?-"

"You are." He answered simply. "You got hit by one of the new villain's 'weird quirks' and it made it so you could get pregnant, though you didn't know that so that's why you've been going to your mom's a lot and avoiding Bakugou, right?"

To be honest, Izuku had no idea where to start with what he just heard from his friend. He let his jaw hang open for at least a minute before managing to speak again. "Todoroki. You are aware that Kacchan is asexual right."

"Yes, I am."

"...So how the fuck would I get pregnant even if i did have some stupid quirk hit me-"

Shouto made a confused expression at that, why was Izuku asking him about what he should already know? "Well, I assumed you'd done it with someone else, and he found out about it."

Izuku might've just gone through the five stages of grief after this conversation, or at least it looked like he had. "..SO YOU JUST ASSUMED I CHEATED- AND YOU WERE OKAY WITH THAT????"

[bedtimebrain]

EXO Baekhyun: Cry for Love Part 2

Just here to give a warning on the ending before you get started!! (ref to a/n in part 1!)

Part 1

Let’s go!!!

Characters: Baek x you

Baekhyun finds himself falling for you, but feels he cannot be so selfish to put the burdens of dating an idol upon you. In an attempt to control his feelings, he tries to stay away from you

That night they got to go home early. Reaching home close to 11, Baekhyun decided there was time for some computer games before sleeping.

After taking a shower, he quickly turned on his desktop, setting all his gaming gears ready. Realising his phone wasn’t with him, he went out to the living room to search for it.

‘Ah, found you!’

As he was about to head to his room after picking his phone up from the sofa, he caught sight of your gift that was sitting on the coffee table. 

He can’t help but feel really conflicted, taking a long look at it.

After a good while, he forcefully shook off those feelings and went back in to get started on his game instead.

‘ARGH! what a bad form today’ he took off his headphones and threw it on the table. Ruffling through his hair, he was so frustrated at himself. No matter how he tried, he just couldn’t keep you out of his mind.

Not having the mood to play anymore, he switched off his computer and crashed into bed.

--

In an attempt to push you out of his mind, he busied himself with work every single day for the next few weeks. Every free time he had, he decided to fill it up with more practice, more work instead.

But he had worked so hard (just to forget you) that his immune system gave up on him. He was eventually excused from work so he doesn’t spread the virus to the members.

And the worst thing of it all? It gave him ample time to think about you.

He thought about the way you smile, the way you listened to him when he shared about anything, the way you looked, so attractively, when you made your coffees. Did you think about him? Did another oppa come by?

Sighing, he got up from bed and decided finally to open the gift you gave him from a month back.

The following day, he woke up feeling much better.  But for the whole morning, he felt this annoying nudging inside of him to go see you. No matter what he did, that feeling just wouldn’t budge.

Did y/n put a spell in the tea she gave me or something. 

He was almost going mad from thinking about you. 

Giving up , he told himself 

Just once, I’m going to drive by and look at how she’s doing. That’s all. Then when I see her being all the same, I’ll finally forget all about this, and convince myself I’m just another customer in her daily life.

The journey to your cafe seemed faster than usual today. His heart was beating so rapidly but he kept telling himself over and over 

just once, doesn’t mean anything

and my heart’s just beating fast because im not completely recovered. Yep, sick people get exhausted easily. 

When he had reached , he park his car where he could get a good view of you. 

He was tempted to get out of his car but his mind was in chaos.

they say coffee helps with headache. Maybe I should get one in case I get a headache at home later right?

Then again, his logical self told him

Ya, Byun Baekhyun stop making up lame reasons. Just stay here.

As he was being wishy washy with himself in the car, a customer had arrived at the cafe. Dashing his hopes of having a private time with you.

Perhaps it was fate that he should admire you from his car today instead.

After getting a satisfactory treatment for his love sick heart, he drove away feeling like a small boy being fed with ice cream.

—

After that visit, it only got harder and harder to stay away. He returned again and again.

But he wasn’t the only one. 

There too was another man who kept returning to your cafe, and today was the fifth time he had seen the man, which really annoyed him.

But what position was he to do anything?

I’m telling myself that I cannot have her as my girlfriend but on the other hand im getting irritated she might become someone else’s girlfriend?

He thought of a crude but relatable phrase he heard from somewhere:

I’m really just wanting to ‘hog the toilet bowl without pooping’

His train of thoughts came to an end as he arrived at the company. After getting his car parked , he went to the meeting room where they were supposed to gather.

When all the members had arrived, the staff who was in charge of the album preparation started running through the day’s agenda.

‘Okay guys, we will be doing an additional MV for one of the side tracks. It would be an autumn special MV.

Since it’s an autumn concept, we will be mainly be doing outdoor shoots. There’s only 1 indoor shoot which will be at a cafe. Anyone has any questions ? If not we will start briefing on the storyboard’

Baekhyun wasn’t able to focus on the meeting. What was he supposed to you when he’s so drawn to you but yet wasn’t sacrificial enough either to be okay with seeing you happy with another guy. In fact, it made him scared to lose you when he never had you in the first place.

Baekhyun ah, let her go. It’s good for you and her. Stop visiting her, it only breaks your heart and at the same time make you desire her more. It’s impossible between the both of you..

By the time he was a little more settled with himself, the meeting had already ended.

‘Okay, that’s all we have today. It’s Thursday today... Alright, We will start shooting on Monday since this is quite a spontaneous idea, we might be a bit back on time. We will start with the cafe shoot on Monday at 10am, only Baekhyun and kyungsoo is involved for this as the cafe is too small. We will update the rest on the schedule later.’ --

4 days passed and now he is standing in front of the cafe for his shoot. Reading the signboard ‘Wendy Cafe’.

For the dramatic effect, he even blinked his eyes again to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. What in the world was this sorcery called fate... It felt abit weird for him to be here for work when he was normally here for his romantic pursuit. It got him into a little of a panic and shock when they alighted from the van.  He wasn’t expecting to see you, since they normally made sure the set was cleared completely for set up before the members even arrive. Though his heart felt it would really be nice to see you, he also heaved a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to think about what to say to you since you wouldn’t be here.

Entering the cafe, kyungsoo and baekhyun greeted everyone politely and got ready for the set with the help of their make up artists. 

‘Annyeonghasayo Baekhyun ssi, Kyungsoo ssi. I am the director for the MV, Lee Taemin’

Quickly getting up, they bowed politely and returned the greetings.

‘Could I just explain the set to the both you right now?

So basically in today’s set one of you would be a barista, and one would just be a customer….’

The director trailed on with the briefing,

But there was something bugging Baekhyun. Baekhyun could swear there was something really familiar about this man; like he had seen him somewhere before. But he just couldn’t recall exactly right now.

‘Ok, We will have kyungsoo ssi as the barista and Baekhyun ssi the latter. A real barista will be coming in later to help you out kyungsoo ssi, don’t worry’

Finishing his brief, the director turned to leave. Then it finally clicked in Baekhyun’s mind.

Oh gawd, he’s the guy that keeps visiting y/n

Thinking it through, it now absolutely make sense.

When he arrived, he was thinking how were they even able to find this cafe for use?

He thought to himself, surely you and Director Taemin must be really close if you were willing to let your shop to him for use. 

ah, but im sure y/n would let me use it too if i had asked.

He can’t help but feel a little salty instinctively. 

Suddenly across the room, the director exclaimed

‘Y/N you’re here!’

At the sound of Director Taemin calling your name, his heart skipped a beat and he immediately turned his head around to find you walking through the door. And was absolutely taken away

You were not in your pony tail or your white button down shirt with a black apron. You were not in the plain make up you normally put on either.

You came through the door wearing a mid length denim skirt and a white v neck with a green khaki coat that ended at the bottom of your skirt. Your long hair sat nicely at the front of your coat.

Though he had seen a fair share of cute, pretty and sexy girls in the entertainment industry, you somehow still took his breath away. 

As you moved across the room with Taemin, his eyes unconsciously followed where you went. Till when Kyungsoo shook him, was he finally able to tear his eyes away from you.

‘Baekhyun ah, I was talking to you , were you listening?’

‘Ye Ye, what did you say?’

They went on discussing about some of the other schedules they were to be having, until a familiar voice caused him to freeze.

‘Hello, I’m y/n, I’m the owner of this shop. I heard Kyungsoo ssi would be the barista actor? I’ll be the one teaching you later’

Kyungsoo looked up and greeted you politely while Baekhyun was still in a daze.

Seeing how he didn’t respond, you greeted him with a bright smile

‘Hello Baekhyun ssi’

Without waiting for Baekhyun to respond, you asked Kyungsoo to follow you to behind the kitchen now as there wasn’t much time to learn.

Watching you and kyungsoo walked away together, he mentally hit himself in the head. 

oh shucks she must think im a real jerk now. Making friends with her, then not coming here for months and the next time we meet i didn’t even greet her. 

Argh kyungsoo, give me my time with Y/N.

Though he was feeling a little lousy about the situation, he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He sat at corner table inside the shop while waiting for his scene set up to be completed.

Looking at you and kyungsoo, he had a monologue with himself 

though i really like her, i should probably let her go. the smile on her face, though i am confident i will be able to give it to her, but what if i bring more sadness than happiness?

The both of you having fun made him so jealous. He started imagining you with another guy, you with Taemin? He hated that feeling so much, but he had to accept this. He told himself, he must.

About 2 hours later , he was done with his shoot and all could break for lunch. Over lunch time, you and kyungsoo stuck together as time was tight. Kyungsoo couldnt practice using the coffee machine earlier when baekhyun was filming. 

Not once did you look over at him or even seem to think about talking with him. It was as if you guys were strangers.

Ah, great, this is how it should be like. She’s better than me at this. While i’m over here suffering about how to forget about her, she seem to be getting along just fine. She’s completely acting like she doesn’t know me.

Not being able to stand being around you anymore, he annoyed his manager hyung to drive him back to the SM building first. Coming up with some crap excuses that were questionable. But his manager hyung still sent him back since there was still time to spare before kyungsoo was done.

On his ride back, he set his resolve to let you go but he told himself 

no matter what, we were once friends that could count on each other. i don’t want to end up hurting her, and making her lose more hope in friendships. 

I’ll go back tonight to find her.

--

At about 5.30 pm, kyungsoo sent a text message in their group chat that the filming has ended. Receiving that intel, he got ready to head off to your café. The production crew would need at least another half an hour to pack up anyway. He had ample time to get there.

As perfect as he had planned, when he arrived, the café was already cleared of the production team, but the lights were still on. He knew you would still be cleaning up after everyone left.

Out of courtesy, he knocked on the glass door, causing you to jump in surprise instead. Smiling at him, you beckoned him in.

‘Why are you back here?’ You asked while sweeping the floor.

‘It’s been a long time, isn’t it nice to see each other again?’ He asked casually, but he could feel his palms sweating already

You looked up at him and smiled without replying as you continued cleaning up.

‘So how are you? I’m sorry I haven’t been here for really long, EXO’s comeback is coming soon we are really busy ….’

Before he could even complete his sentence, you cut him off

‘Yes I know. It’s all on twitter and I watch your group’s vlive too. I know you guys have a lot to prepare and are really busy. Don’t have to apologise’

Though he knew you truly meant what you say, it broke his heart a little. He wasn’t really sure what to say anymore. But he wanted to ask this since the start

‘Why did you rent your place to be an MV set? Did you know it was for EXO?’

‘It’s just a favour I’m returning to Taemin ssi. He only told me it was for EXO when he asked for my help last week. But anyway, it’s really nice to see you being serious at work. Now I know why you have so many fangirls~’

‘Are you my fangirl now then?’ Baekhyun asked and waited expectantly.

‘Why? Are you going to give me your autograph if I said yes?’ You put aside the cleaning cloth and washed your hands while replying him jokingly.

‘Anyway, I’m done, shall we go?’

You grabbed your bag as you asked. As you walked right passed him, he reached out to grab your arm without even thinking.

Hesitantly, he started

‘Hey actually, I came today because I have something to tell you’

Staring right into his eyes, you replied

‘I kinda knew it already. Why would you suddenly come back here after not being here for so long. And the fact that you’re here at this hour… You’re definitely not coming here as a customer right?’

Looking at him with a hard expression, Baekhyun was surprised to see something other than ‘manners’ or indifference on your face after all this while.

‘I’m really sorry. I don’t even know how or where to start. I really liked your company, the friendship we had meant a lot to me. But as we got more comfortable, I don’t even know when... but....to be honest..

I started falling for you. I didn’t know what to do, can you understand this?’

He loosened his grip, letting your arm slowly slip out of his hands.

‘Remember the day you gave me the gift? I went home feeling so conflicted. I want us to be together so bad, but I know I can’t even promise you a regular and peaceful life, much less a stable relationship now. The weight of dating an idol, how could I put that upon you? ‘

‘You’re right, I could never carry that weight’ you reply came through like a stab to his heart.

He broke his eyes away from you momentarily. But you continued,

‘All this while, I thought I had done something wrong when I gave you the gift. I wondered why you didn’t come back, I thought we were friends, that’s why I even mustered up courage to get a present for you. But you never came back after that. I thought could it be that Baekhyun ssi started finding me weird like all my bullies last time? Was I over doing it? I asked myself that every now and then, worried that my desire to want to be friends with you may turn you off instead.

Sometimes when you tell funny stories, inside I thought how cute this guy is. When you were serious, I thought even though you’re so cheeky on the outside, you’re a man inside having to carry so many burdens. I wanted to say more, do something for you all this time, but I was worried about so many things.

Eventually when you stopped coming back for a while, I felt heart broken. 

But I used the time to think it all through. What did I want with you? A friendship? Something more? And I decided it’s best to not desire anything at all. I could never handle it if one day I want something more that neither of us could give each other’ 

Though you tried so hard to control, tears rolled down your cheeks. It hurts him to know he was the reason for your tears. 

He reached out to wipe your tears away, and you let him. 

‘Baekhyun ssi, I… I’m sorry too’ 

Overwhelmed with emotions at all the confession and looking at your beautiful face that leaned against his hand, he couldn’t hold back anymore, He closed the gap between both of you and gave you a kiss on the lips. A kiss so light it barely lasted a few seconds.

Heart beating fast, he pulled away slightly, his face still so close to yours. ‘I’m sorry for being selfish right now. But I want you to know this is how I feel.’

Before he knew it, your lips pressed against him once again. Briefly, then pulling away, you pushed him away, putting some distance between the both of you.

‘Me too. But Baekhyun-ssi...

Sometimes love isn’t about possessing, but giving

So I’ve told myself it’s okay for me as long as I can see you and support you in my own way. Be it your albums, shows, or whatever it may be.

My café doors will always be open for you as long as you need a listening ear or even just coffee....

Don’t be sorry. I understand, I just want to be the safe space you can still go to, rather than your burden.. If we were together.’

He could tell you were trying hard to manage a smile just so he could feel better. He moved closer and pulled you into a hug. 

‘I know you said not to be sorry, but I’m sorry ... And thank you’, his voice akin to a whisper

After a long pause, you returned his hug, and at your touch, he was at the brink of tears. You were possibly his once in a lifetime, but here you both were, giving up on each other, for each other.  He tried so hard to hold back his tears, but they streamed down eventually 

He rarely ever cried, but for you… If he couldn’t have you, at least he should be allowed to cry for you. 

He tightened the hug and could only wish for the night to never end. 

——-

Was hella hard to write this, sorry for this really tragic ending.

But partly writing it this way because I guess as fangirls one of the best things we can give our favs is a safe space to be real with us. Love isn’t about possession. So let’s love them right ok☺️

On a side note, was shook at his fan sign convos. Especially the one he said though he said it’s ok if we leave him for a while because it’s difficult to wait, he didn’t actually mean it.

What a sweetheart!! All the more makes me feel like he might really respond this way if he is faced with this kind of situation (as in this fanfic)?!

Anw hope you guys enjoyed this !

Tag(s): @wooya1224

[letitrainathousandflames]

I cannot stress enough how important it is, whenever you’re feeling restless, panick-ish or overwhelmed, for you to run a mental checklist of what might be contributing to make you feel worse. Mine goes more or less like this:

HEALTH (MEDICATION)

Basically: take your meds! Did you forget to take one (or more) of your regular meds?

Explanation: Several kinds of daily medications shouldn’t have their use suddenly interrupted. If your med still can be taken, take it now. If not, make sure not to skip/forget the next dose! Or maybe there is a specific medication you should take for what you’re feeling right now. See, when I have panic attacks and I KNOW I won’t be able to come out of them by myself, I take the meds my psychiatrist nicknamed “SOS’s”, which make me very chill and a bit drowsy, but fix the emergency (panic) fast.

Do you need an SOS-like med? Or cramp meds, or something for a headache? If you think it’ll make you better, take it!

HYDRATION

Basically: Drink water/tea/juice/ whatever one of your preferred liquid to keep your body running smoothly!

Explanation: being dehydrated for a long time can cause dizziness, overheating, cramps, intestinal issues, headaches, etc, etc - and a general sour mood because when our bodies aren’t having one of its most basic needs met, it makes us cranky

HEALTH (FOOD)

Basically: Eat anything, even a small snack - or some Actual Food™ if you have the energy to prepare one. If not, go with the snack (and cook something when you’re feeling a little better!)

Explanation: as weird as it sounds, if you are prone to hyperfocusing or just don’t feel hungry very easily, you can literally forget to eat. However, that is dangerous because, if you’re like me, the very minute you snap out of it, you immediately feel so hungry you could faint, and that’s not healthy. If you get distracted easily, set alarms to remind you to go eat - and actually get up to eat when you turn them off!

HEALTH (BODY)

Basically: if you’re on your computer/phone for the past hour or so, you need to take a 10-15 min break to rest your eyes, stretch, walk around the house and even lie down for a while. Your muscles weren’t made to be held in the same position for hours without breaks.

Explanation: constant tension on your neck muscle (yeah, that one you keep forcing in order to read your phone screen) can cause some terrible headaches. Spending too much time using a mouse or keyboard without breaks will give you some painful joint pain (yes, even if you’re young) spending too long sitting is bad for your legs and blood circulation. Take breaks and stretch, your body will be able to work longer with interspersed pauses than in one tiring, uninterrupted run.

HEALTH (MENTAL)

Basically: are you lowkey wanting to scream and kinda cringing in place? This could be sensory overload. It’s very common in neurodivergent folks but anyone might experience it in some degree.

Explanation: sometimes your brain cannot deal with the amount* of sensory input - exhaustion from too many hours on your laptop, that loud music your neighbors are blasting, heat/cold, hunger, neck pain, anxiety over reading some bad news, etc - and it just throws its hands up and screams I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE! IM DONE! I QUIT!

When I feel that way, I usually stop what I’m doing, go to my room and dimming the lights to sit quietly/meditate, or I take a warm shower with the lights out. This way, I lower the sensory input that goes to my brain - lights/shapes/the colors of the shampoo bottles/etc, narrowing it down only to the feeling of the water on me.

*notice how many of the things causing the overload are part of the list of stuff that you should check on. The hunger/pain/thirst you are continuously ignoring could amount to a sensory overload or panic attack. Don’t let it happen! Nip it in the bud and keep your brain overload-free!

This is basically it? Feel free to add to this list if you want ^^

Disclaimer: I’m NOT a doctor or a mental health professional. This is simply some advice based on MY PERSONAL experience, and it is not one-size-fits-all. See what works better for you and take care :)

[colorseeingchick]

@011tsukishima requested: Congrats on 200💕 can I please have a (male) matchup for jjk please

She/her, straight

I'm 15

Personality: I am very empathetic, always trying to keep the people around me happy (even if I'm not in the end) I hate disappointing people so I can over work myself sometimes. Mostly I am kind and polite, but a I get very sassy moments (I can also be very sarcastic). Im also kind of reserved when I first meet someone and it can take me awhile to show my fun, goofy, happy side to them

Aquarius, infj

I like reading books, writing, listening to music (mostly kpop). I also like to go exploring like in the forest or even abandoned places I also love cooking and baking (more so baking tbh)

sometimes I stop in the middle of talking because I think I talk to much (I've been told many times that I do so I just try not to really talk in a way)i play with my hands a lot, I have a really high pitched (idk sorta cute?) sneeze, I can be very clumsy (I literally tripped on air once😂) when I do something scary my hands shaky after I've done the scary thing (if that makes any sense)

Thank you ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello once again! For this one, I took a different approach. I match you with…

Fushiguro Megumi!

While you and Kenji were both rays of sunshine, you and Megumi are a sun and moon couple. You have similar struggles that are opposites in some regards, but the way you two compliment each other is magical~

Megumi would meet you when you first joined Jujutsu Tech. I think his first interactions would actually be apologizing for how weird Gojo Sensei was (same here Megumi). But you were kind and unfazed by the sensei. It was both a bit alarming but also refreshing for Megumi to see.

It was with a little bit of time that Megumi learned you weren’t just unfazed, but just as bubbly as his wild sensei. You would become friends with the other first years, and Megumi started to learn a lot about you just by observing you. You were similar to Itadori, in that you both were energetic and happy all the time to lighten the mood. But because of his relationship with Itadori, he was well aware that that wasn’t a sustainable mentality, and it was a really taxing thing to do. “You don’t have to act with me, you know.” He said it while you two were training, with you laying on the floor, exhausted and drained. “ I can’t make you stop, but you should know I won’t care if you be yourself.” You don’t know what caused him to say it, but knowing that he cared and knew was enough to make your heart flutter.

He’d develop a crush on you as he continued to observe you. He was one to overwork himself so he knew the signs, and while he wouldn’t stop you, he’d watch like a hawk to ensure that you would be okay and didn’t get injured. But he thought your determination to keep everyone happy and work hard was amazing. He felt the same way, so he felt for you. He appreciated how mannered you were. He felt like the people he worked with were a bit unreasonable at times, so knowing you were always polite and kind allowed for him to rely on you. That didn’t stop how amused he was when you sassed Itadori or Gojo on the rare occasion. You definitely kept things amusing, which he also loved.

When he asked you out (after being forced to by Gojo, Itadori, and Nobara), he did it in a very lowkey manner. You both were baking (you were teaching him actually) when he asked you out on a date.

“Would you like to, go get food with me later?”

“But we’re making food right now!”

“Like, later later.”

“When?”

Why did this man not have any of his father’s smoothness when it came to this.

“I mean it like, would you like to go on a date with me?”

He held is breath as he watched you process his question, his sigh escaping his lips when he watched you turn embarrassed and then happy. After going on a few dates, Gojo asked if it was official. “She’s mine. Right?” He had no problem claiming you as his girl- but it didn’t stop the heat from flooding his face as he made sure you agreed.

“He’s mine, Sensei!”

“Yayy! What a happy couple!” Gojo Sensei cheered.

And honestly, you were. The time you two spent together was amazing. Though your missions naturally required you to explore the uncharted forests and abandoned spaces, it was usually a form of therapy for you both as well. Time to yourselves, to be at peace with just each other, was really healing. When you were back at the school, you two would often sit with each other in the common area or more likely in one of your rooms, sharing headphones (you both loved music) and writing. Megumi loved reading your writing.

My favorite part of your relationship was the way Megumi was so soft in the way he watched out for you. He’d be the one to tell you “you are enough.” He didn’t usually know when to say it, but when he saw that you were worried about your performance, he’d remind you. He knew you would fall often, so he’d send his shikigami to catch you or guide you when he couldn’t be the one to hold you up (which is what he preferred). But he knew how to read you through your hands. He saw the way you played with them when you were nervous while talking. He’d never tell you to keep going, and he’d never tell you to stop playing with your hands, but he was the one who would quietly hold your hand in his to calm you down, to remind you that you’re okay. He thought the way you fiddled with your hands was so cute (he couldn’t say that), but he liked holding them better. When missions got scary, he saw the way your hands shook. And there wasn’t a time he wouldn’t come to you afterward and hold you till you stopped shaking.

Though Megumi may not have been one to say everything, the love he had in his heart ran deep and strong. He loved you so very much, and he would sacrifice the world to keep you safe and happy. But he was more than content to just hold you and be in your presence for the time being.

~~~~ AHH I hope you liked this one! Sun and moon couples are always so adorable in my opinion hehe :) lemme know if you liked it !

Sorry my draft got deleted once again -_- hopefully I didn't lose any of my other ones :(

[lady-charinette]

Chapter 2 - Strings & Papers Lukanette AU (Teacher!Marinette & SingleDad!Luka)

A/N:  Hi everyone! I’m very sorry for the delay of Chapter 2, I’ve been so busy at university and studying and everything. I hope to update faster next time, anyhow here’s the next chapter! :)

Tagging: @seraphkitty @canadianburd @macaknight @fher43 @vivilakitty @quickspinner @im-here-for-the-content @decaffeinated-happyshit @jessigurl-design @2sunchild2 @zebrabaker @didnwant2come @redscarlet95 @graduatedmelon @eve-is-the-dawn @anjuschiffer @alissawhited-blog @rudy-ruby @mystery-5-5 @winter-gardenflower @bresso23 @kayla-the-rambling-writer @teresarosiadeviluke2112 @captainmac6 @violatiger @crazywhitemofo @hauntedfreakdeputyhero @gingersnapnoir @a-marlene-s @omgelisahagemanuniverse @samslash @kryptored @lukatherat ​ 

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

“Auntie Jule!” Leon stared up at his aunt, tugging on her the hand holding his securely as they crossed the street.

The woman didn’t answer immediately, eyes focused on looking left and right as they rushed across the street, once they made it safely on the other side, copper eyes stared down at the child questioningly. “Yeah, Leo?”

The boy pursed his lips in thought, trying to express himself in words, a feat his own father had trouble sometimes accomplishing. “Does…does dad have time to come to school sometime?” big brown eyes, his mother’s eyes, stared up at her expectantly.

Juleka Couffaine briefly stared at the sky, spotting the school not too far ahead, trying to recall her brother’s schedule. “Hmm…I’ll have to ask him. Why? Did something happen?” Worry immediately shot through her heart like an arrow, causing her grip to tighten slightly on her nephew’s hand.

He shook his head, much to her relief. “No, my teacher just wanted to see him!”

The woman rose an eyebrow in confusion. “Your teacher? Your homeroom teacher Miss Marinette?” that was weird, “Did she tell you why?”

Leon rubbed his chin, eyes squinty as he thought hard about yesterday and what Miss Marinette said. “Um…um….I think…I think…she said she would love to meet him.” He shrugged, not entirely sure if she had mentioned a reason. He remembered drawing his picture and hanging it up in class. Leon jumped, eyes wide and excited as he tugged on his aunt’s hand again. “Auntie Jule! Auntie Jule! I drew a picture yesterday you have to see it! Come on!”

The boy tightened his grip around her hand suddenly and marched forward like a soldier on a mission. Juleka stumbled before quickening her own pace, trying to keep up with the ball of energy that was her nephew.

Her thoughts were still on Leon’s words from earlier. Why did Marinette want to see her brother? She was sure Leon hadn’t done anything wrong, otherwise Marinette would’ve called herself or Leon would’ve mentioned something.

‘She said she would love to meet him.’

Juleka blinked, now very curious on the reason behind the sudden question. Then again, Marinette had a right to know where Leon’s parent was, up until now, it was Juleka she’d had regular contact with and who picked up Leon from school. Luka had attended parent meetings, but as far as she was concerned, Marinette hadn’t been there due to other meetings.

Taking out her phone while ascending the steps to the elementary school, Juleka typed in a quick text and sent it to her brother.

“Good morning Lea! Good morning Emma!” Leon’s excited shouts echoed in the hallways, greetings his friends with wild waving, immediately distracted from his initial goal of showing his aunt a picture he drew.

Juleka smiled, making small talk with the gathered parents ready to see their children off.

————–

A ping sound made the man quickly take out his phone, heart pacing in his chest worriedly.

Juleka normally sent a text at lunch, it wasn’t nowhere near lunch yet. Was it the school? Did something happen to Leon?

Luka’s heart raced wildly right up until he opened the chat, a relieved sigh leaving his lips when he carefully read the message from his sister.

‘Hey Lu, don’t worry, nothing happened. Was wondering when you’ll come to school, people are curious about Leo’s mystery dad.’ – Jule

Luka frowned. Mystery dad? He’d attended parent meetings before…granted, he didn’t come often to school like picking his son up like he wanted. He was sure some people did wonder about him, especially since he hadn’t met all the teachers yet either.

But he did come when he could.

“Something the matter?” his manager rose an eyebrow at the musician staring at his phone thoughtfully. “Something wrong with your kid?”

Luka snapped out of his thoughts, fingers flying over the screen to hurriedly send the message before pocketing the device again. “No, sorry.”

Bob Roth hummed, eyeing the man a moment longer before he pulled up a photo from his drawer. “Anyway, I wanted you to try and collaborate with my son for a few songs. He’s good on vocals, I thought you’d provide the back-up vocals and maybe some guitar on the side. How’s that sound?” the overly large lopsided grin on his manager’s face didn’t spell ‘a few’ songs, more like a whole album.

The picture of XY’s sleazy face stared at Luka, who grimaced at the too wide smile and the overbearing amount of jewellery on the younger man’s face.

Luka shifted uncomfortably in his seat, rolling the black and silver ring on his finger back and forth. “…I thought it was about producing more copies for my recent solo hit. Penny Rolling told me there weren’t enough copies in stock.” He rose an eyebrow curiously, wondering how they’d jumped from his music onto possibly collaborating with Roth’s son.

Bob laughed, a boisterous, too loud sound for so early in the morning. “Of course! Of course! We’ll get to that later, don’t worry Luka! Now, about my son-“

Luka wished there were more parent meetings.

—————–

Juleka’s phone vibrated with the zig zag pattern she’d set for her brother.

A message.

He must be bored, or stuck with Bob, that had been a very quick response.

She opened their chat and scrolled down to the new message, eyes briefly glancing towards Leon who laughed with his friends in class.

‘Sorry. Talk at lunch. Weasel’s here.’

So, he was with Bob Roth. Juleka rolled her eyes, sending a short ‘Good luck’ back to her brother. Any dealings with Bob Roth were mentally and physically exhausting, she just hoped Luka would have some free time during lunch to talk about school and Leon.

Juleka pocketed her phone as soon as she saw Marinette, who was watering the plants on the windowsill.

“Good morning.” The teacher turned around, setting down the watering can when she spotted Juleka standing at the doorway of the classroom.

“Good morning Juleka!” Marinette’s far more cheery greeting put a smile to her face. She was rarely ever in a bad mood and Juleka appreciated it. The teacher being in a good mood meant classes flowed smoothly and the other kids were infected with the positive energy she radiated. Mornings were always hard, standing up so early to get Leon ready for school if Luka had to leave even earlier for work, before Juleka herself had to head to work.

There were mornings that Juleka did get up for without complaint, when she would be treated to the too rare sight of her brother and nephew in the bathroom, her brother shaving and Leon trying to imitate him by spreading toothpaste over his mouth, which always elicited laughter from them. Or when Luka would play a relaxing tune to start the day at the breakfast table and the family would talk about their plans for the day.

She realized Marinette had asked her something and the woman grabbed her hair instinctively, feeling ashamed for having ignored her. “I’m sorry, what did you say earlier Marinette?”

The teacher smiled in understanding, shaking her head. “It’s fine Juleka. I just asked how your morning was.”

The woman smiled, heart warming at how considerate she was. “It was fine. Leon was a bit fussy while getting dressed, but it was alright otherwise.” She glanced at the two thermos flasks on Marinette’s desk and she smiled sympathetically. “Rough morning too?”

The teacher laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. “I forgot to eat breakfast this morning, but Alya thankfully packed lunch for me and some coffee. Do you want some? I have enough for three people!” both women laughed and Juleka politely declined, spying the clock on the wall.

There was more than enough time to enjoy some coffee with the kind teacher, but she had to get to work. “I’m sorry Marinette, I would love to, but I have to get to work.” She shrugged, but other woman understood, nodding in understanding.

“That’s fine, I don’t want to hold you up any longer.” She glanced to the side, until her eyes widened and she impulsively grabbed Juleka’s hand. “Oh wait! I almost forgot!” she dragged the stunned brunette with her towards the side of the class, a string reaching from wall to wall with many drawings attached to it.

Marinette lead her to one particular drawing and upon closer inspection, a smile automatically lit up the young woman’s face. “That’s Leon’s!” without even glancing at the messily scrawled name in the corner, Juleka easily recognized the bright blue hair of what looked like her brother’s stick figure and her own purple mixed with black, along with a flower clumsily drawn on top of her head.

Juleka rarely wore any kind of accessories in her hair, but Leon had always liked putting flowers in her hair and in Luka’s too. It was a trait he’d since he was four, the time where they went on a little family trip and Rose had shown her favourite spots in a garden they visited. Juleka was used to people – particularly Leon or Rose – putting flowers in her hair, Rose being the primary suspect.

Their house was full of flowers, according to Rose, all pretty things deserved to have a flower to accentuate their beauty.

Juleka, in her eyes, was no exception.

It still made her blush, to this day.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Juleka admired the creative picture, full of colours and adorable stick figures representing their family.

“Um…I’m sorry if I’m too forward but…” Juleka turned her head to look at the teacher, who suddenly shifted her weight and only hesitantly met her copper gaze. “May I ask about…Leon’s father?”

Juleka blinked. “My brother? Luka you mean?”

“Luka…yes.” Marinette seemed to test the name how it rolled off the tongue easily. “Does…I mean…is he home often?”

Honestly, Juleka couldn’t blame Marinette for asking, as far as anyone from the school staff was concerned, the principal was the only one who’d seen her brother more than a handful of times. Marinette had also been a bit unlucky, always missing each-other at parent teacher conferences.

She couldn’t help but giggle slightly. “Yeah, of course. But he works a lot, he’s busy but always manages to make time for Leon.” Warmth flooded her chest at the thought of the cute moments whenever she would stay over and catch her brother tiptoe his way to Leon’s room just to check if the boy was fine and sleeping.

When he would wake up earlier than he had to and prepare Leon’s lunchbox before collapsing on the couch for a few more hours of precious sleep. The sheets strewn about in his room, working on a new lullaby for Leon to fall asleep to whenever he had nightmares. It always made her brother anxious whenever his son shuffled into his room and crawled into his bed, small body cuddling up to his father to sought out comfort in the safety of his arms, who had never failed to offer that protection.

Marinette nodded, noting the expression on her friend’s face. “I see…I’m sorry if I’m prying Juleka-“

She shook her head, waving her hand dismissively. “Not at all, Marinette. You’re Leon’s teacher, you deserve to know about his family. It’s just…” she played with her bangs, nausea settling into the pit of her stomach. “Some things are…a bit more complicated. But Luka is a good dad, he always takes care of Leon and makes sure he doesn’t lack in anything. I’ll talk to him and try to clear his schedule so you guys can meet.” Her painted lips raised into a tentative smile, Luka’s message still at the forefront of her mind.

The polite smile remained on Juleka’s face despite the teacher’s yelp of mortification. “Thank you Jul- wait…h-how did you know I wanted to meet him?” the dumbfounded and increasingly nervous look on the teacher’s face made Juleka’s smile widen.

“Leon told me.”

“W-What?”

“Miss Marinette would love to meet him!’ Juleka imitated her nephew’s higher pitched voice, watching an interesting shade of pink spread over the teacher’s cheeks.

Hands quickly covered the teachers face in embarrassment. “Oh no, that sounds so wrong. I’m so sorry Juleka, I should’ve called personally!” Marinette groaned and ran a hand down her face, making her friend giggle.

“It’s fine, Marinette.” She squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “I assumed it was to meet him, I think you’re one of the few teachers who never met him before. It’s weird, it’s been a few months of school already.”

Marinette bit her lip, shaking her head helplessly. “I was so caught up organizing events for school, I had to cover shifts from a few colleagues so I couldn’t really attend all the parent teacher meetings. But I’ll definitely be there for the next one!” she grinned, giving a meaningful wink to Juleka. “And I hope you won’t be the only one I see there!”

Juleka smiled. “Don’t worry, you definitely won’t.” Juleka excused herself before she kneeled down to be at eye-level with Leon, who was off in the corner playing with his friends on a colorful carpet. They hugged briefly and Juleka bumped fists with him, which made Marinette smiled, before both women waved each-other goodbye.

With the majority of parents gone and students shuffling into the classroom, Marinette stood in the center and clapped her hands. “Good morning everyone!”

Many heads turned and almost all the children yelled back, some energetic, some tired. “Good morning Miss Marinette!”

———————-

Hours passed and finally lunch time rolled around.

Juleka’s steps were hurried, trying to reach the coffee machine before all the coffee would run out. She glanced at her phone, reading the time and wondering when her brother would be free. He did mentioned around lunch time, but-

Her phone buzzed in her hand, the screen flashing with her brother’s name.

Juleka quickly answered and lifted the device to her ear, blinking owlishly standing in front of the coffee machine. “Lu?”

The breathless voice of her brother greeted her back. “Hey Jule, sorry it took me so long. Bob took his sweet time and I had a performance that dragged on with the fans. How are you?”

Juleka scoffed gently, wedging her phone between her ear and shoulder and grabbing a clean mug from the shelf, deftly preparing herself some much needed caffeine boost.

“Fine, just have so much stuff to do about work. You?” she grabbed three sugar cubes from the bowl and threw them into her mug, watching the machine come to life and vibrate as it processed the coffee capsule within it, the pleasantly smelling brown liquid filling her mug.

“Fine, wished I was already home.”

A laugh left the woman’s lips and Juleka shook her head, grabbing her coffee after the machine was done. “We’re in the same boat.”

“I guess. How was Leon? I’m sorry I left earlier, Bob told me that meeting we had was important, a shame it wasn’t. I would’ve made Leon his lunch.” The man sounded disappointed and Juleka knew the father in him would reprimand himself over not making his son lunch, despite the circumstances.

Juleka rolled her eyes, taking a small sip from her coffee. “You’re such a dad, you know? Don’t beat yourself up over it, I made Leon lunch and it was fine. He was fine, Lu.” Juleka’s gaze caught sight of her fellow co-workers, smiling amicably at them before her feet carried her downstairs.

A sigh was heard on the other line. “Well, I am a dad for your information. No offense Jule, but you used to make a better lunch when we were in school.”

Another eyeroll. “I’m hanging up, Luka.”

“Hey, wait, don’t, I was just kidding!” he laughed and Juleka pursed her lips, shaking her head at her brother’s antics. “Sorry, anyway, what did you wanna talk about earlier when you sent me that message?”

Juleka stopped by the stairs, a slow smile spreading over her lips.

With a certain lilt in her voice and a positively devious glint in her copper eyes, Juleka finally settled at her desk, eyes absentmindedly scanning the sketches depicting models for the upcoming fall season.

She smiled. “Oh, right. You remember I told you about Leon’s homeroom teacher, Marinette?”

Thanks for reading everyone! Let me know what you think :3

[cyberpawn-arc]

Explaining Vale’s Character with OK Orchestra Lyrics

I tried to keep this to one verse or a few lines to each song so I don’t overload this post!! Yes I love A//J//R yes this album came out like a week ago and im still recovering

OK Overture: Vale’s Exhaustion, baybey!! And their optimistic tendencies!

But I'm too fucking young to feel so fuckin' old But I'll try, and I'll try, and I'll try But I'm not dead yet so I guess I'll be alright

Bummerland: Return of Vale’s optimistic tendencies!

Bummerland, it's kinda weird But you're only going up from here

3 O’Clock Things: Anxiety about truly opening up to those around them!

Would you go running if you saw the real me? Maybe you'd love 'em Yeah, maybe you'd feel me But I'll never ask you, no, that's super scary

My Play: It’s the ‘when I’m you’ for me. The You, We, I. Hi Johnny!

You did everything, everything, everything that you could We do everything, everything, everything 'til it's through I'll do everything, everything, everything when I'm you

Joe: Vale knows they have friends, yes, but they literally cannot forget their own fears and insults used against them. It all still stings.

I got friends all up the coast Proud of all the songs I wrote But I can't take this backpack off It comes with me where I go

Adventure Is Out There: The Vale ADHD and Fear Of Missing Out experience! They cannot and will not plant roots! Until they find someone they love but listen that’s another post entirely

Adventure is out there Adventure is out there So why am I in here So why am I in here today?

Bang!: ENDGAME DESTROYIN’ ARASAKA VALE

I'm way too young to lie here forever I'm way too old to try so whatever Come hang Let's go out with a bang

The Trick: Ah ha ...... ah.... vale telling their s/o about the relic and their impending doom....and also the fact johnny’s mannerisms pop through more and their s/o doin’ the “you’re changing” sorta talk...

We'll get out of this 'Cause I love you, I do We'll get out of this 'Cause I love you, it's true But if you're doubting this If you're doubting that I do Then oh my God, I'm screwed

Ordinaryish People: BABY IT’S THE BEING HAPPY AND SEEN AS STUPID BY OTHERS

Your downer friends think you're too happy, too happy 'Cause you still celebrate sometimes / ‘No, you're not stupid, you're just special, special' Well, that's what all your smart friends say

Humpty Dumpty: THE ENTIRE SONG

I’m not kidding please look up this song it’s about mental illness and hiding it in order to make other’s happy and wondering if people would really love you no matter the “face” you show and it mentions the expectations the world places on you to put on a happy face and it slaps and also the way his voice breaks when he sings “Aren’t you excited that I’m givin’ you the best me” is a bIG VALE MOOD

World’s Smallest Violin: Once again, a Vale going “no im fine im okay other people have it worse” to ignore their own struggles

Somewhere in the universe Somewhere, someone's got it worse Wish that made it easier Wish I didn't feel the hurt

Way Less Sad: Vale’s normal mood!! Night City is a mess and they’re having a rough time but they’re optimistic and fightin’ hard to help others feel way less sad too!

Don't you love it Don't you love it No I ain't happy yet But I'm way less sad

Christmas In June: This is Vale, post-game, older, wanting to have a family/married to their partner, but they’re so attached to the Merc life that takes up their entire life. They’re trying to balance merc and a “normal” life and it results in many “All I know is my streetkid past, but I don’t want to lose you” moments

Holy shit Now I'm sittin' thinkin' 'bout what else I'll miss Darling, if we're ever gonna have a kid Don't wanna miss it Can we just have him in June?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

[cactusmadre]

Nexplanon, The birth control from hell.

I'm so serious, please make sure that you review both positive and negative effects. I only read the positive effects when I got it inserted in Jan. 7th 2017. I was scared that Trump was going to destroy plan parenthood so I went for the implant because I would much rather be baby free during his ruling than go to the clinic one day for the pill and find the clinic shut down because of him. 🙄

Insertion was pain free & I was so happy when I got it.

It took only a few mins and I walked out to go get some breakfast. I was told it should get rid of my heavy and painful periods and that it wasn't going to have a lot of symptoms.

THE HELL BEGINS!!!!!

A month later I noticed I gained 2 pounds

My flawless skin is no longer flawless like baby girl is looking rough I go from exhibit 1 to exhibit 2 over night basically.

To this

My depression sky rockets, my mood swings are bad and I can't help it. It makes me feel so bad because I can't control it

I go to the gym 5 days out of the week, eat fast food 1 to 2 times a week. I meal prep for school and eat a lot of healthy foods. I only drink water and hot teas with occasional 4 shot lattes with NO ADDED SUGAR. JUST ALMOND MILK. I was 129lbs when I got it inserted (I'm about to cry typing this) I AM CURRENTLY 179LBS!

No matter how hard I try I can not lose the weight. It's like I keep gaining. My husband and friends are shook because they know I don't over eat or drink my sugars etc. Im always going to the gym after school even though I get out at 9pm and have to be up at 5AM, 7 days a week.

MY SEX LIFE IS DEAD. I dead ass could not figure out what was going on with me. My sex drive was low....like I couldn't even think about sex without cringing or kiss my husband without feeling weird. I thought it was me and I was so confused even questioning if maybe I didnt find my husband no longer attractive..HONEY. I find out it's not just me and that it is a symptom A LOT OF PEOPLE EXPERIENCE WHEN ON IT.

Also I have experienced major stomach issues like...puking and a LOT OF RUNNY POOPS! I've never been this sick. I'm LITERALLY ALWAYS SICK. AND I KNOW MY CO WORKERS ARE TIRED OF ME CALLING OUT. BUT HONEEEEYYYY I BE SHOOTING OUT BOTH ENDS IM ALWAGS DYING I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO NOT BE SICK.

I get so irritated fast. Like I get super petty with small things like my husband didnt buy me a baked potato like I asked him to. He was supposed to bring it to me for lunch and instead wanted to take me out for lunch....I was so irritated my mood swings were everywhere. Like anything triggers mood swings fast.

My head always hurts

My body always hurts it's like I'm an old dinosaur. Everything feels broken. I've had ovarian pain and belly button pain. Got sent home from school went to urgent care and sent STRAIGHT TO THE ER. THEY DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. LOL THANKS NEXPLANON AND THANKS GOVERNMENT I HAVE NO HEALTH INSURANCE AND GET SENT A HUGE BILL WITH NO SOULTION TO MY PROBLEM OR DIAGNOSIS. IM IN DEBT NOW. And I'm not the only one covered in ER Bill's because of unbarely death like pain. I could barely move.

I'm always so tired....like I can sleep whenever I never want to go out cause I'm mentally, physically and emotionally tired. I'll make plans then never show up cause I rather be asleep. I can go to sleep for 10 hours and still wake up exhausted.

My arm has had mild pain in it since I got it inserted. I cant do arms at the gym because my. Left arm feels weak and I'm A COSMETOLOGY STUDENT....THE IMPLANT CAUSES MUSCLE SPASMS WHEN IM CUTTING HAIR. OR WHEN IM MAKING LATTES AT WORK. It has gotten so much worse.

Last week, my implant started twerking? Under my skin and my classmates could see it twerking hard. Then came the sharp pain.....SHARP MURDER LIKE PAIN. AND I SAT IN MY CAR AND CRIED AFTER I LEFT WORK. I called the clinic it was closed for MLK day. I called Novant and they told me they were gonna look it. Then I called a few hours later after getting off work and another lady picked up who was super rude and was like cant do it. I just cried all afternoon.

I started getting NAUSEOUS last night and my arm was just numb with pain and when I moved it in my sleep it went straight to a stabbing pain. I got up for work and in insertion spot is swollen and slight bruising and I can barely move my arm. So I had to tell work peace out today and I'm on my way to the health clinic to get it out asap. I'm done and so over nexplanon.

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!I.N (Jeongin) 

MASTERLIST 

WOOT WOOT

Little Jeongin!

This is gonna be so damn fluffy watch out 

Here we go!!!

Ok so Jeongin is shy at the best of times

So God help this poor child while he has a crush on you

He won’t even be able to talk to you properly

Most likely runs away whenever he gets embarrassed

Which is very often

Just

Can’t function

If one of the members even try the subject of his crush on you when you’re in the room

He lets instinct take over

And he dolphin screams to distract everyone

As people look in his direction

Because he is hella loud

He’ll scream again and die on the inside

Why can’t I think straight with y/nnnnn

He’d be so frustrated with himself

He’ll probably mentally slap himself every other second when he talks to you

Why did you say that? What is y/n gonna think of you?! IDIOT

I highly doubt he’d confess to you himself

At least in person

One of the members probably told you

So you went to see him

And scared the bejesus out of him when you asked if it was true

But he eventually nodded and confessed and VERY quietly asked you out this baby my God save him

To which you OBVIOUSLY said yes

And he probably jumped around happily to your response

Tried to stay cool, because he is Mature™

But as soon as you were not around he’d scream with happiness and run around because he is a ball of energy and he’s gonna explode

He’s whipped, your grace

Dates with Jeongin

Is it really such a mystery?

So so SO soft

His first date with you was going to a carnival

Because he made it his new goal in life to win you a stuffed toy

And win your heart forever

Little did he know that had already happened

Got really grouchy when he didn’t win anything

But immediately felt better when you both had something to eat who doesn’t feel better with food?

Forgot how to human when the date came to an end

And you kissed him on the cheek

Half as a joke, he collapsed onto the ground in a heap of giggles not really a joke it was genuine

He was, at that moment, the happiest boy to walk the planet

You can probably guess that this kid is too shy for PDA

But he’s all for hand holding wherever you two go

He really loves to swing your arms back and forth like children cause that’s what you are

Sometimes will peck your cheek if he’s feeling bold

If you initiate skinship out and about, he’s gonna turn a dark shade of red

But will hold in his squeal thank goodness

If the members tease him for being shy

Because where’s the lie

He’ll greet you and become insanely clingy

If you ask him why he won’t tell you

“I just really really really wanted to hug you”

“Jeongin you’ve been clinging onto me for 10 minutes, are you okay? And what if the boys tease you”

“They won’t I’m proving a point”

“Say what?!”

First kiss.

You’d think it’d be you who would have to make the first move right?

Wrong.

So freaking wrong

Because realise: once he makes his mind up about something, Jeongin carries his decision through to the end

And he decided to make a certain evening walk in the park very special

You were walking around, and it had gotten dark, only a few street lamps lit your way

You were both talking about absolute nonsense, laughing at each others jokes etc

And then he suddenly became very serious

“Can I ask you a favour? It’s really important to me…”

You got kinda nervous, because when was the last time Jeongin managed to keep a strait face like that?

From his pocket he pulled out a chain bracelet, with a pretty but subtle pattern on it. “Can you wear this? For me? And whenever you’re sad, or scared, look at it and think of me, and I can protect you”.

You were absolutely dumbstruck, so you just quietly let him out the bracelet on

You were about to cry as well

He showed you a second one which he had on his own wrist. “I want this to be something special between us”

And then he siezes the moment

And connects his lips with yours

Very gently

He kisses you so delicately, like you’re made of ice, about to break

When you part, he smiles softly

And starts walking again, calmly

Making you stand there confused af

Like where tf is shy Jeongin? Who is this?

Spoiler alert, it’s I.N, not soft Jeongin

Oh lord prepare yourself before meeting the rest of SKZ

Physically and mentally

Knowing them they’ll probably try to lift you up and get you to crowd surf

While still teasing the Maknae

They’ll be so protective of you, just like with Jeongin

You have become family, don’t doubt that for half a second

You are also now in charge of being the mood lifter for Jeongin

And his reassurance

Especially if he’s sick

Because he gets really tired whenever he so much as catches a cold, because he refuses to stop working and rest common sense who?

And when he’s tired, he thinks way more negatively

You were once alone with him in the practice room, and he was trying to improve a few moves to a really difficult choreography

For a while he kept smiling like the child he is, staying positive

But after trying over and over, having to catch his breath from fatigue, having trouble breathing from a blocked nose, he still couldn’t get the moves right

And out of pure exhaustion and frustration, he burst into tears no judging I’ve had this it’s painful

You immediately went over and hugged him tightly, reassuring him and calming him down

You both sat together on the floor, until he wasn’t upset anymore, but you still refused to let him practice after that

You took him home and looked after him until he passed out that night

The members were confused af as well 

“What’s wrong with Jeongin?”, asked Chan, being his usual protective-leader self

You replied simply because you didn’t want to upset the other boys. “He got frustrated at the dance he’s learning, and was exhausting himself, so I dragged him home to sleep...”

They were all really grateful the you were looking after Jeongin so well, and their love for you with the Maknae you only grew

Now this boy is not at all afraid of speaking his mind

So you two basically leave everything out in the open

No secrets

If one of you is pissed at the other, you will freaking say that you’re pissed at them

You don’t hold back

So then you can both talk rather freely about why you might be pissed

Basically what I’m saying is that fights are super rare

Because they don’t even get a chance to start when you two are so open with each other

So at most you bicker over food

But there are times

Like I said, insanely rarely 

Jeongin doesn’t tell you how much he’s struggling

He doesn’t want to seem like he’s complaining too much so he stays quiet about his worries about being an idol

It’s a bit like his situation during The 9th: he doesn’t want to burden anyone about feeling down, so he keeps a bright smile on his face

You kinda sense that there’s something up, but he convinces you for a long time that he is totally fine 

But when it becomes too much 

Being tired, frustrated, stressed and worked to the bone, and he still hasn’t said anything to anyone

He’ll break and yell at you over something not even worth yelling about

It’ll shock you so much that you’ll flinch away from him

He won’t just yell at you 

He’ll yell about how tired he is, about how unfair he thinks it is that he can’t learn a dance as quickly as anyone else

He’ll yell about everything and nothing

You understand quickly that he’s letting of steam, getting it all off his chest 

So once he’s quiet again, breathing heavily, crying silently

You’ll hug him gently, and reassure him that you’re there no matter what and that he can ramble and complain all he wants with you

NO MORE ANGST IM OUTTA HERE

He tries to force you to watch Mukbang, until you threaten him that you’ll secretly feed him black beans

You both love blasting Bruno Mars in the dorms, driving SKZ up the wall as you sing at the top of your lungs

He’ll try to teach to sing trot like him

But you both know that you’ll never be as good at singing it as him

He loves texting you whenever he has a spare half-second

He always gets in trouble with the other members because as soon they stop what they're doing, he's off to get his phone

“Where did Jeongin go”, asked Woojin. “He was here a second ago...” 

Chan sighed. “I can take a guess. JEONGIN PUT THAT DAMN PHONE DOWN!” 

He uses his Maknae Influence™ to get our of trouble lol

You both like to try and cook together

Doesn't really work

You usually end up making a mess

Or if you’re baking something

Like cookies

You'll end up eating all the batter before it even reaches the oven

Stray Kids will be deprived of cookies RIP 

When you suggest him meeting your family

He gets super nervous

But refuses to show it

You'll kind of pick up on his attitude

The way he answers questions on the matter so directly and seriously

But you're too kind and high-key impressed to point it out 

But when he does meet your fam he's super smiley and actually seems genuinely comfortable 

You on the other hand

Get hella stressed when you're supposed to meet his parents 

Will they approve? 

Will his brothers like you? 

As soon as you voice your concerns to Jeongin

He hugs you, reassuring you that they'll all adore you

He couldn't have been more right

His parents are so so sweet and love you from the word go 

Both his brothers love you just as much

Especially his younger brother, who just idolises you 

It’s so cute

You immediately exchange contacts and stay in touch

Jeongin ended up making a group chat with you and his bros because he was so excited that you got on so well

His favourite thing to do in the evening with you is just watch a random show

From a K-Drama to a weird comedy neither of had ever seen

He just likes relaxing with you, usually with your legs draped over his lap 

Probably screamed the first time you walked over wearing one of his jumpers

“ISN'T THAT MINE?”

“Oh, sorry I'll go put it back...” 

“DON'T YOU EVEN DARE I LOVE IT” 

Low-key snuck his hoodies into your closet just so he could see you wear them

But as soon as you brought it up

He'd refuse to give any answer on the matter

“What are you talking about? You must have stolen them yourself, thief”.

“Alright, I'll give them back, then”.

“No no, you stole them, so you must keep them”

“... Right” 

The first time he said 'I love you’ resembled your first kiss 

He had thought about it and planned it out 

The plan didn't really work

He'd meant to cook something for you

And watch your favourite movie 

And surprise you by just saying ‘I love you’ casually

But he messed up dinner

Accidentally spilled too much salt into the dish

So instead ordered takeout from your favourite place

Then 

Just because the universe was against him, for some unknown reason, the movie wouldn't work

So you ended up watching something else

And he was about to give up and plan for another day

But it just kinda slipped out?

“I'm sorry I couldn't make this a perfect night”, he said, dejected. “I wish I could just... easily show you how much I love you...” 

Sort of panicked after he said it

He started stuttering while trying to explain himself

Until you kissed him to shut him up

Telling him that you loved him too

And that's how he had a happiness heart attack

This bean will go public after a couple of years

He posted a photo of you smiling brightly in a cafe

With a simple caption: 'Love you so much’ 

Now naturally the internet is gonna die because hello?

Little baby Jeongin is dating?! 

But after a few hours of commotion there's gonna be something unexpected

People will recognise you 

From clips in SK TALKER

They'd seen the two of you

Just barely within the view of the camera 

Messing around and playing a bunch of games to pass the time

Some had naturally insisted that you two were dating

But you were mostly just written off as Jeongin’s best friend who had come to see him a few times backstage

But now that he had officially announced your relationship

There were A LOT of people saying 'I told you so’ on the internet

Whoops

Low-key, kpop fandoms area group of mini Sherlock Holmes’

He becomes so happy at the very mention of your name

Low-key hopes in every convo that someone will bring you up

Just so that he can talk about you nonstop

He talks a lot about you

SKZ always get a real earful

Especially when they’re away

He'll never stop talking about you which pisses pretty much everyone off

His coping mechanism for being away from you is just to recap a bunch of his favourite moments with you

So naturally anyone within earshot of him will hear a bunch of cute stories about you two

Right up until the moment he sees you again

Thank heavens the rest of SKZ will say as they watch the Maknae crush you in a hug, giggling excitedly

All in all, you two have a soft af relationship

With lots of giggles, cuddles surprisingly, and a lot of love

Can I please just get a Jeongin?? 

There we go! That concludes my soft-ass day! 

Now, I’m going away on holiday (sooner than I thought I would), but that’s not gonna stop me from writing! There’ll just be a few posts that won’t be on the Masterlist for a while. But as soon as I get access to any computer, I’ll update the Masterlist :) 

[jikooksoutro]

teacher’s pet

word count: 1.9K (WARNING; MENTION OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE)

jimin stared at his phone, waiting for a reply from taehyung but nothing. he had been standing in the hallway for about 5 minutes. he froze when he saw the drink on his desk. he had been joking about liking the person who had kept leaving him these presents but he was terrified right now. once he heard the text tone of a cellphone coming from his office he got truly scared. someone was in his office and he couldn’t bring himself to walk any closer. 

“t-taehyung?” he called out, hoping it was his friend playing a bad joke. no answer. he built up the courage to take a couple steps closer, not noticing that he passed someone on his way to his desk. 

“hey-“ a scream followed jungkook’s greeting along with a fist right to his shoulder. 

“oh my god?! JUNGKOOK?! OH GOD IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO-“ jimin immediately rubbed the younger boy’s shoulder, his heart still beating out of his chest from the scare. 

“it’s fine i should’ve told you i was here. you got a pretty heavy fist there mochi” how could jungkook still address him so sweetly after what he did earlier?

“what are you doing here?” jimin asked. 

“i had to give you something” jungkook pointed at jimin’s desk and it clicked. no..he wasn’t. it couldn’t be. 

jimin reached for the sticky note sitting next to the coffee. 

“i like you a latte” he read aloud. “wait what..so you...that means....it’s been...no”

jungkook walked over to the couch the two had slept on not long ago, taking a seat. 

“hear me out?” he asked. jimin was dumbfounded but he nodded slowly. “yes it’s been me this whole time. my friend jin owns that cafe and he asked me to try his new creations before putting them on the menu so i gave them to you instead. i don’t think that’s important right now though.” he rubbed his shoulder. “i guess i’m here for myself. i figured you probably don’t remember much of last night which is fine and i’ll tell you anything you want to know but let me just tell you this first. i don’t know what it was but ever since i first met you i felt something really weird? wow that sounds romantic. um i mean i’ve never felt the way i do...ah. hold on no, i guess it’s just best to say it right? i mean that’s really why i came so i should just tell you but you ptobably already know i mean i think you do so what’s the point in me telling you because you read the sticky note too so it’s just the same thing-“ jungkook’s nerves were taking over him and jimin noticed. he knew he would regret it but he sat next to jungkook anyways and rubbed his thigh.

“jungkook, just say it”

“right ok yeah i don’t know” a sigh escaped jungkook’s lips. he thought about what yoongi had told him earlier on the phone. 

“i know you’re thinking about him and his decisions right now but think about yourself for a minute. i’m not saying that i don’t care about jimin’s feelings, but sometimes the truth helps both sides. tell him how you feel when you’re not drunk idiots. listen, taehyung mentioned that jimin was in his office. now, what you choose to do with that information is up to you but i think we both know what needs to happen”

“i like you jimin…a lot. i know it’s weird since most of our interactions have been during class or office hours but i wish i had the words to explain it?” jimin could see how nervous jungkook was but he also felt his own heart beating out of his chest. “i’m not really telling you for the feelings to be reciprated or for this to lead to something else, i’m doing it for my own peace of mind i guess. for the past four years i’ve done everything in my power to stay away from everyone romantically. when i was 15 i fell in love, or at least thought i did. we both struggled with our own issues but he had depression and i did my best to fix things between us when things got rough. i tried jimin, i tried to get him help but he refused and i knew i couldn’t do much. it got so bad i started feeling like shit because i felt so useless. i was emotionally exhausted, i couldn’t do it anymore. i was so in love with him at first and i saw how he changed. he wasn’t the person i fell for anymore. his depression consummed him entirely. six months before i had lost my parents as well in an accident. seokjin and namjoon took me in and they witnessed every shitty moment in my life. they saw how my relationship was affecting me on top of dealing with the loss of the people who brought me into this world. i’m older now so i can kind of reflect on it but at the time i was more focused on jaesung than my own mental health. seokjin and namjoon sat me down one night and laid out the facts. it wasn’t healthy for me and i knew deep down that i had fallen out of love long ago” jungkook began getting choked up, tears welling up on the rim of his eyes. he swallowed the knot in his throat, determined to do this. “so the next day i did it. i broke up with him. i told him i would still be here for him and do everything i could to help him but he refused. i betrayed him. i am the reason he isn’t here today” jimin knew exactly where this was headed and he reached for jungkook’s hand. he hadn’t even noticed the set of tears that had streamed down his own cheeks. 

“jungkook you don’t have to tell me any of th-“

“that night his sister found him in the bathtub and ever since then i vowed to never fall for anyone else ever again and if i did then i’d ignore it and move on because i can’t risk someone’s life for my own happiness” jimin’s heart felt like it had been ripped out of him. this boy he always saw so happy and giddy was hurt inside. worse than jimin had ever been hurt. he had so selfishly only been thinking about his own feelings towards jungkook but he never took a look at what might be behind this young tender boys feelings towards him. 

“i did so well for the past four years. people i met would be one night stands and that’s it. never anything more and never anything less” jungkook’s hand was being held tightly by jimin who was now feeling guilty it had to come to this. jungkook spilling his guts to him hours after jimin had broken his heart yet again.

“but then i met you jimin” jimin didn’t think twice before crawling onto jungkook’s lap, his arms circling the younger boy’s neck as he embraced him. it hurt hearing this. it hurt jimin so much knowing why jungkook had been so persisten in his flirting, why jungkook was so patient with jimin. jimin was special to him. he made him feel alive again. it showed in the way jungkook hugged jimin back. it felt as if nothing could seperate them in this moment. their bodies were linked together and jimin swore he could feel jungkook’s pain passing into his own body, he only wished he could take it away comepletely. jimin could see the tears landing on jungkook’s shoulder as he felt his own shoulder becoming damp. they both stayed there in silence, but it wasn’t awkward, it was the complete opposite, it was relieving and comforting all at once.

jimin lifted his head from jungkook’s shoulder, his hands linked together behind the boy’s neck. jungkook’s eyes were swollen and red, a sight jimin never thought would make his heart ache as much as it did. jungkook’s soft smile only made him feel worse.

“i’m sorry” jimin uttered, his hand sliding around to cup jungkook’s cheek as his thumb gently glided across. “i don’t deserve your trust. you just spilled your guts to me after i’ve been such a fucking coward towards you. unless i’m drunk then apparently i have all the balls in the world” jimin’s thumb reached a little higher to wipe under jungkook’s eye, preventing a tear from falling. “i can’t do it anymore jungkook. i can’t just sit here and continue to pretend that i don’t care.” after years of being closed off, jungkook was the one who broke down jimin’s walls. 

“just so you know, i already know how you feel. drunk jimin spilled the scorching tea last night” jungkook tried to lighten the mood, not wanting to keep focus on everything he just said. the only thing that mattered was that jimin knew how special he was to jungkook. 

“what? fuck. what the hell did he tell you?” jimin played along, adjusting himself so he was now straddling jungkook. his arms returning to cling around jungkook’s neck. 

“well he said you felt..what was it? an elephant in your stomach when we kissed?” jimin could feel his face becoming hotter with embarassment. “he also let me know that you like me but you’re scared of risking my scholarship which you shouldn’t be because at this point i’d risk it for you. it’s because of you that i’ve been so happy lately and even if you didn’t do it conciously, you’ve helped me. i’m fuckinhg scared jimin. i’m scared of allowing myself to feel this way but i can’t seem to control it when it comes to you. i feel like im a fucking child with a fat crush on a middle schooler”

“actually i think you mean a crush on your teacher” jimin finally earned a chuckle from jungkook. “you’re so cute” he couldn’t help but squish his students cheeks. “but jungkook, let me help you. everything you told me, i can’t imagine how hurt you must be but you have to know that it wasn’t your faul-“

“not tonight” jungkook cut him off. “if it’s okay with you, i’d rather not continue talking about that right now. i told you i came to clear my own conscience and i did. what happens now is up to you. i can go home and pretend nothing ever happened, or i can have you sleep in my arms again since i know you love it so much”

jimin leaned down, his lips grazing over jungkook’s. “stay” he whispered. jungkook’s heart felt content. did he finally get what he wanted? did he really just hear jimin tell him to stay, very well knowing what that answer entailed? most importantly, was yoongi fucking right for once?! 

their lips met for the first time without the influence of alcohol. jimin’s elephant returned yet again, telling him that it wasn’t the alcohol that caused that feeling. it was just jungkook. this was such a different kiss than either boy had ever shared with anyone. it was sweet and soft, it was genuine. their lips gracefully moved against each other, knowing exactly how to compliment one another’s actions. jimin sealed the kiss with a content hum, caressing jungkook’s cheek with his hand. 

“thanks for existing mochi” 

 34/?

previous - next

[sad-babyy-05]

im pretty sure no one follows this account anymore so back to digital diary 🤪

since i started cosmetology school i’ve finally made friends. Lesly, Michelle, Sofia, Marlene, Yosie, and Cahleyah. i try not to feel as lonely anymore but theres always the underlying fear that theyre getting tired of me.

relationship wise? things are a little rough rn. im always at school and exhausted and he is too consider her works all day. i get to see him less and less everyday and ive started getting paranoid about him possibly cheating. i know i shouldnt think that considering theres no reason to but doesnt that also mean theres no reason not too? idk. i dont want to bring it up cause i dont want to just have it be insecurities but at the same time if i really thunk about it. if he did cheat id be devasted but i wouldnt go crazy or anything. id just leave. theres no point yknow? and maybe its a little fucked up but j think its important to think ahead and prepare myself for possibilities. nothing in the future is set.

mental health wise? im okay? i think? idk im on new meds now and they stunt my appetite so hopefully lose weight, honestly im falling back into my eating disorder again and ive relapsed again. idk its just become so engraved into my mind as my top coping mechanism and i havent been to therapy in over a year. i should probably start going again. my temper has been weird. i go from bubbly and happy to pissy and moody to quiet and sensitive. recently its been weird. ive been so sensitive and i cry all the time. i never feel like im enough for anybody. i want to kill myself quite honestly. i know my mom would be devastated but would my friends even care? would he care? would my sister care? i dont know.

ugh anyways 🤪 dont mind me im just in a silly goofy mood. ill see myself next week for another self check in

[fairycosmos]

everyday i feel so fucking gross & ugly and depressed i cant stand people looking at me. i hate going to school, i never ever go out or hang w my friends on the weekends & im scared to get a job bc im so insecure and i keep comparing myself to everyone i meet. i truly feel like im a disappointment and a failure. i feel so pathetic and im scared that the rest of my life is gonna be this way. and im mad at myself for not trying harder but i have for the past 18 years and im tired. im so worthless.

:(( i'm so sorry to hear that my love. feeling that way every single day must be so fuckin exhausting and i'm v v proud of you for getting through it. seriously. it's much more difficult than most people realize. i know i cant say anything that will instantly make everything better, and you don't have to read all of this, but please please try to believe some of it. when you're depressed as hell, your mind sort of turns against you, right? it can't be trusted. all of the things it's telling you are products of your low self esteem and mental health issues - they're not facts, no matter how much it feels like they are. other people aren't seeing you the way you perceive yourself, okay? they're not looking at you and thinking you're ugly or gross, because in reality, in the tangible present beyond your own insecurities, you're not. allow yourself that self awareness. you don't have to believe every thought you have, and you don't have to act on every urge you feel. you can just let them be. they only mean something if you say that you do. you have more control than you realize.it seems like most of this is stemming from how you personally feel, and since you're in emotional turmoil, the results are bound to be chaotic. you FEEL like you're a disappointment, you FEEL like you're worthless, you FEEL unattractive - so you just assume that's who you ARE as a person, who you'll always be. when theres no proof of that at all. theres no reason to believe that youre not a strong, capable person with a lot to offer if you look at yourself as a multidimensional being. being depressed doesnt take your goodness away from you. there's a difference between you and your self hatred, okay? instead of recognizing yourself as a flawed human, giving yourself room to grow, you're pushing yourself further into a corner by calling yourself a failure. i get it, your mind tells you that, so it's v hard not to buy into it. but you don't have to, i promise. you can learn not to. where you're at right now is genuinely not where you'll always be.when i'm dealing with my own shit, the idea that life is a lot longer than i believe really helps me out. we're the same age, and i really feel like we're SUPPOSED to be confused and intimidated by the future. and though the worry feels permanent, it comes and goes. it's possible to manage it as you grow up and learn how to exist one year at a time. its alright to be lost and upset and to not know the answers, you don't need to. who you will be at thirty will be v different to who you are at eighteen - things are guaranteed to change, to improve. there will always be sadness and obstacles of course, but it won't always be this blinding and intense. it's so easy to become disillusioned with life, but having a side open future and existing at all is somewhat of a miracle. it really is.that being said, if you're feeling so awful, i don't blame you at all for not wanting a job or to hang out or to do anything. im exactly the same. but it all starts with you. and if you're not comfortable in your own skin, you're not going to be comfortable anywhere. that's why i really believe that the only thing you need to worry about is making your mental health a priority. i'm not just bullshitting, and i fully appreciate how difficult it is, but sometimes you have to actively jump start periods of positivity and strength. mental illness is just as serious as physical illness, you know? and it's alright to need help/medical attention. most people do at one point or another. please don't just roll your eyes at this, please believe me. talking to a professional will genuinely change the quality of your life if you want it to. it can be a counsellor, a therapist, your regular doctor, a support group in your area etc. even calling a hotline/speaking to your parents/a teacher/a friend to begin with will lighten the weight. it doesn't have to be a big deal. healing starts with being fuckin honest about what's going on in your head. people understand more thsn you think they do. many have been where you ate now. and actually confronting the issue and actively figuring out why you hate yourself and where the depressive moods are coming from, will allow you to overcome them eventually. seeing a professional will also enable you to adopt healthier coping mechanisms into your life for when you feel yourself slipping into a dark place. there are ways to hold on and to keep a grip on reality. you can cut the cycle short and stop the negative thoughts before they have a chance to begin, by conditioning your brain to do so over time.i'm not saying it'll instantly solve everything, or that you won't be nervous. opening up is a weird, stressful thing. you will be vulnerable, because you need to be. but what's more scary - staying silent and letting this get worse and worse, or talking to someone you trust and getting it all out? reaching out is genuinely not as far fetched as you think it is, it's completely realistic. you can pick up the phone, make the appointment, research mental health facilities and resources in your area. you really really can do it. the only thing stopping you is your mind, which as we've established, is not looking out for you right now. and the underlying factor in all of this, the thing it always comes back to, is that you are not worthless. you're not. you were born with an inherent worth, dude. your sadness can't take that away from you. no matter how much you don't want to believe it - the simple fact that you're alive means that you're significant. and it means you deserve to be happy. youre doing so so well by being here to read this. the fact that you sent this ask means you want help on some level, even a subconscious one. so please, just consider it. look at the situation objectively and decide what you need to do to pull yourself back from the brink of this. and then, when you can, do it. one step at a time. i really hope you're okay. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help, cause i understand where you're coming from. just. you're not alone, and you don't have to deal with it as if you are. please message me if you ever need a friend or if you want to talk properly. i'm always here.

[thoughtslikeocean]

Jan 20,2021

I find myself here yet again at the beginning of a new year. I’ve got to stop just coming here when I’m so damn sad, angry or confused. It’s not good for my mental when I come back here to visit and all I see written is chaos lol I’m insanely grateful that I made it out of 2020 without writing though. Something good happened I’m sure... but it wouldn't have outweighed the tragedies. 

So I'll start here. It's 2021. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were sworn in today. Historically, a great moment. Overall good day for America seeming as though Trump is now gone. I’m still kinda grieving this and I don’t know why. I don’t like Trump. Never was a fan of his. Seeing him gone is a good thing. So when I say I’m grieving something, I don’t actually think it’s him. It’s something else that I cant quite put my finger on. Maybe I’m just uncomfortable with transitions? Ehhh I don't know.. I’m so confused about it that its actually making me uncomfortable to even talk about it. So I'm moving on until I can put better words to what I’m feeling. 

My dating life is so fucking weird. Like hella weird and confusing. I’m halfway dating a guy that depending on the day, time, weather and direction of the wind we might be in a committed relationship but you just don’t really know. We dont talk about it. We just go with the flow. We act like we’re in a relationship until its time to communicate and then I swiftly remind myself “Well he’s not mine anyway”. It’s so fucking toxic that it hurts my soul to even type this. The crazy part about all of this is... am I going to do anything to change it? Nahh. Im gonna avoid issues long enough for me to forget about them. They’ll continue and we’ll continue this half assed relationship trend we’re on. It's honestly exhausting. And why don’t I say/change anything? It's because my fear of confronting this head on is us saying “okay we are in a committed relationship.” And chilleeeee that scares me even more. Panic attacks just thinking about it. And I don’t know where that comes from either. I really need to talk to a therapist about this because the visceral reactions I feel after hearing the words “boyfriend” or “committed relationship” are NOT NORMAL. Sick to my stomach. Vomit-style. Strangling my vagus nerve type reactions. Like who hurt me? lol Off the top of my head, no one.. but clearly I was heavily betrayed by a lover in my past life cause DAMN!! 

In any case I’m here again. Mad because there was something else he did that bothered me but I didnt feel “in a relationship” enough to say anything about it. So I get off the phone with him. Pout about it for a few days until the annoyance I feel goes away. The cycle is too much for ya girl. I have enough going on in my life. Things I can't control. This is one I can control and im letting it take the wheel. Phew... its too much. 

I’m ending my night with a lovely masturbation session and meditation to calm my spirit. I’m too delicate for these types of mood swings. They truly interrupt my daily functioning and I really can’t have that. 

Until next time!

[sammie-skele-turtle-blog]

This is a story about a run down, insecure Tony, and a helping, at first bad, but very soon awesome bro Steve. Set in an AU where winter soldier and civil war doesn't or hasn't happened yet.

Tonys had a rough day. First his morning meeting turns into a " Let's bash Tony session ". Next, he had a old, grudgful reporter give a false report on him supposedly being seen walking around drunk, yelling profanities and all the most horribly inappropriate comments at everyone. Men, women, and children alike. ( How cliche is that? ) Of course people believed her.. And it just terrifies him to think what the avengers will say and do. He had a LITERAL angry mob after him. ( Which he luckily escaped. Even more cliche ) The one good hotdog vender wouldn't sell to him ( which is worse considering he hasn't eaten in four days ) . Then, THEN, People had the nerve, the gull to call him the worst possible words under the sun. ( Revenge for what they thought he did. )

The sad thing is? He believes them. He believes every word and believes he deserves it.

So now he's trudging back to his tower, people mumbling and snickering. Tony's posture was slumped, but he still wore his usual obnoxious glasses. Just so no one questioned anything.

Someone sticks their foot out in front of him, and being lost in thought, ( thinking of all the upgrades and projects for SI, S.H.I.E.L.D, and the avengers instead of food and sleep ), he trips. He can't catch himself. He falls down ungracefully, a 'oof' escaping him. People laugh. " Pfft, wow, can't even catch himself when falling? Some hero. Why do they keep him around anyway? He's just a glorified engineer! " Someone says, causing more snickers and scoffs to erupt.

Tony had to bite his lip to hold in his sigh of resignation. It was true. Thats all he was. And honestly, he was just waiting for them to realize that, to leave him.

Tony stands up without a word, and keeps walking. His shoulders are a bit higher up in a slump than before. He could usually keep up his mask a bit more easily, but he hasn't slept in 78 hours, his stomach ached from being so empty, people have been hating him MORE than usual, which he honestly thought was impossible.

Tony soon arrives at the tower. He sighs to himself. ' Suck it up! People go threw worse everyday! Your fine. Just get to the lab. You'll be fine.. ' Tony thinks. He goes threw the door, and to the elevator. " Hello Sir. " Jarvis instantly greets. Tony smiles slightly. " Hey J. Take me to the lab.. K? " Tony says. There's silience, almost as if he's hesitating, before Jarvis says " I must advise against that Sir.. You haven't eaten in approximately 80 hours, and haven't slept in 78. I advise you get some food, then head to bed.. "

Tony chuckles. Funny. An AI cares for him more then actual people.. " J. I can't sleep yet. I still have work to do.. I can't slack now. Besides, if I don't finish up, I'll NEVER get out of this consulting job.. " Yes. Tony was never told he was a full Avenger now, and knowing S.H.I.E.D, if they dont say your something, your not that something. So he believed he was still a consultant. " But I'll go grab an apple. Just for you. " Tony says.

" Very good Sir " Jarvis says, though there's still a underline of concern. " Alright, up to the common floor. " Tony says. The elevator moves, and withen a moment, the elevator comes to a gentle stop. " Thanks J. " Tony says. " Of course Sir " Jarvis says, as the elevator doors open. He steps out, the door instantly closing behind him.

His lifted ( hah, get it? Lifted? Elevator? Hahaha- ok I'll shut up ) mood caused by Jarvis instantly drops to dread, anxiety, maybe even fear, as he sees Steve. To make matters worse, he was watching the news.. And the ding from the elevator alerted him that he was there. Steve turns to him. He gulps slightly, shuffling on his feet.

" Sta.. Tony.. " Steve says. He avoids sounding harsh, after seeing the usually ( seemingly ) confident man practically radiating nervousness. " I need an explanation.. " Tony gulps again. " Is it true..? Did you REALLY act so stupidly and irresponsibility that you'd get drunk, go out, and yell inappropriate profanities at everyone? I mean I know you got drunk in your suit before but.. God, Tony, This is ridiculous! " Steve says ' He believes it.. Of course he would! Its your fault anyway, you've always made horrible decisions, there just finally catching up to you. ' Tony thinks. Tony doesn't know what to say. Would Steve believe him if he said no? Steve sighs. " I'll take that as a yes.. Geez, what were you thinking? I thought you were over that kind of stuff. I guess I was wrong. " Steve says, his dissapointment coming off him in waves.

Tony HATES when one of them were disappointed with him, it was horrible. Now usually Bruce would jump to his defense, but he was with Betty. Thor was in Asgard, and Clint and Natasha were on a mission assigned by S.H.I.E.L.D, so they were completly out of question.

Tony whimpers quietly. A small tremor travels threw him. God he was just so exhausted! He couldn't take it much longer..

Sadly Steve hadn't noticed yet. " When are you going to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat? We don't need this at the moment, Tony. I mean, honestly, it's a suprise you haven't been reprimanded yet! I didn't want to believe them when they said we only needed the suit, but I'm starting to- "

A sob interrupts him, shocking the Shield weilding hero. Instead of being met with a sarcastic comment, he sees Tony trembling. The tremors are so obvious now, tears escaping and cascading their way down his cheeks. " I.. I didn't do that! I swear, I'd never do that again. I haven't drank since I messed up at my birthday party! I'd, I wouldn't.. " A sob stops him from finishing.

Steve takes a moment to examine him. He notices, with a jolt of shock, just how tired, vulnerable he looks now. The bags under his eyes seem to almost darken. His shoulders were slumped, shaking from his cries. He's noticeably quite frail looking as well. ' When was the last time he slept? Or ate for that matter? ' Steve thinks.

Tony gathers himself enough to continue " I-I haven't even gone out much! I've only been going to my- " Tony takes a staggering breath. His heart was racing. " Missions, my meetings, interviews about what happened on our missions. I've been in the lab, upgrading our weapons and my armor, doing projects for the company, S.H.I.E.L.D, and the Avengers, I wouldn't even have time for that. God, Steve, Please.. I didn't do that! I wouldn't mess up now, when it actually seems like I could quit being just a consultant and be a real avenger.." It was finally out. It slipped out.

Now Steve's confused " But.. You ARE an Avenger Tony. " Steve says. Tony shakes his head rapidly. " No, no just a consultant, M'not a Avenger.. " Tony says, as another cry interrupts him. Shock runs threw Steve once more. ' What? But.. God. He must be so stressed. No wonder he's isolated himself lately. He thinks he has to prove himself or something. He's more of a team player than I thought.. God he looks so worn down.. ' Steve thinks. Tony continues, obviously taking Steve's silence in a bad way

" I swear, I'll fix this, I'll work extra hard, I'll act better, but I swear I didn't do that! This, this reporter had a grudge from when I ruined her report when I-I accidentally flew into the camera after getting, after getting thrown at her by that weird robot last month.. " Tony says. He's so desperate to fix this.

" Please just, just don't be dissapointed, I know its my fault she's mad but Im gonna fix it, I- "

" Stop " Steve finally says, having his gut feel like it was punched enough today. Tony shuts his mouth, a small ' Click ' coming from his teeth. He noticably panics slightly. The look of fear, panic and shame that was in his eyes reflected perfectly on his face. Steve felt horrible, the fear shining in his eyes was his most noticeable emotion, and god Steve couldn't take looking at his kicked puppy dog eyes anymore! Tony started to try and splutter out another apology, another explanation to correct his wrong, wiping furiously at his tears as his breath speeds up slightly, before Steve interrupts him.

" Tony, I shouldn't have suspected that you'd do that. You've obviously cleaned yourself up, and I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions when you didn't answer. Your obviously drowning in responsibility, some that shouldn't be on your shoulders. I shouldn't have brought up the suit, you deserve that, you built it in a CAVE, and we need you. Your the only one who can fly that suit, monuver and control and fight like you do, and most importantly your our friend. God, how have I not noticed how worn down you are? " Steve asks

" I-its not your job to notice.. " Tony mumbles, obviously trying to reassure Steve. Usually something like that would have warmed Steve's heart, but all it did was bring more guilt, and it just made Tony look more pitiful because he was plain as day still ashamed and panicked and afraid but instead of focusing on himself, he was focusing on Steve. ' I can't believe I ever thought he was selfish.. Even with his masks maybe if I'd payed attention instead of just thinking I knew him from first impressions.. '

Tony seemed to notice Steve's momentary mental termoil, and the panic and shame heighten slightly. " Steve, I'm sorry, really, but I-you shouldn't- " No, I should! I'm your leader, your friend, even if I haven't been the best one to you lately. I should be watching over how you are and how your doing. I always have with the others, but I was biased and just assumed the great Tony Stark wouldn't

need my help. That you'd blow off my concern with the most disrespectful comments I've ever heard come out of a man. "

Tony flinches slightly at that, and looks down. " I'm, I'm sor- " Steve interrupts him before he can apologize. " But I was wrong. I should have watched you more closely. Your a citizen Tony. A genius with a arc reactor and a battle ready armor with billions of dollars but a citizen none the less. You weren't trained for this, and I should have known. I should have seen something was wrong.. God Tony I'm so sorry. " Steve says.

Tony goes to tell him its fine, that he shouldn't worry about it because its normal. Because he's used to it so why worry? And besides he's pretty sure Steve wasn't exactly trained for this stuff either. Although, Steve does something then that totally surprises and catches him off gaurd. Steve hugs him. Its.. Nice. Warm and full of worry and unspoken apologies. So of course Tony hugs him back. He knows he doesn't deserve it and that he should back off but he can't. " We'll fix this. I promise. You don't have to keep working, I'll help you out.. And I'll make sure everyone knows the truth. " Tony tightens his grip in the hug.. ' Was he really willing.. '

" Now.. How long has it been since you've ate and slept? " Steve asks, remembering very well how frail and run down Tony looks at the moment.

Before Tony can lie himself out, because even with their previous touching moment he's sure Steve will become aggravated or SOMETHING, but of course, cutting him off, Jarvis says " Sir hasn't eaten in approximately 80 hours, and hasn't slept in 78. I suggest sitting him down, making some food, and making sure sir relaxes. " " Traitor.. " Tony mumbles. He glances up at Steve sheepishly, and can't help the relief washing over him as Steve snickers, instead of rolling his eyes, or worse, pushing him away in exasperation, as others have done.

Steve leads Tony to the couch, an arm still hung around Tony's shoulders. " Put on a movie. I'll make some food. What would you like? " " Grilled cheese " Tony instantly responds. " Aren't you- " " Your NEVER to old for grilled cheese!.. And put some tomatoes in it please..? " Tony says, his sheepish feeling swirling in his tone. Steve chuckles at his small outburst.

" Sure Tony.. " Steve says. He walks to the kitchen, and prepares his and Tony's food. When he walks back, Tony is watching a movie. He turned on Wall-e. Luckily Steve already knew this movie. " Disney? " Steve says. " Once again. Never to old " Tony says, as he grabs his sandwich with a nod and smile of gratitude.

After ten minutes, Tony says " Hey Steve.. Don't tell Fury I was slacking off.. OK? " Tony mumbles. Steve freezes. " Slacking..? " He looks over at Tony, and sees the way the man tenses up. " Well, I, uh, kinda had some projects I needed to get done for S.H.I.E.L.D. There's new blue prints for the engine and propellers, they've been really loud lately, and they've been stuttery, then they need new training bots, and the criminals almost got out of the cells to I need to figure out a way to reenforce those and make sure theres no time lapse when they close the cell door, and- " " When are they due? " Steve asks. " What..? " Tony asks, oh so very intelligently. " When are they due? The projects? " Tony noticably gulps slightly, and lowers his head. " Tomorrow.. " Tony mumbles, so quietly that Steve only heard thanks to his enhanced hearing. A small tinge of Tony's earlier feelings return. Before Tony can go into another panicked explanation, Steve says " Were there other projects? And not just for S.H.E.I.L.D. " Steve asks. Tony pauses to think. " Um.. Well.. 10.. This week.. The uh, ones I was just mentioning would have added to the list.. " Steve let's out a small huff. " Sure Tony, I won't tell. " Tony lets out a sigh of relief. " Thanks. " Yep, him and Fury were gonna have WORDS.

Thirty minutes later Tony was passed out. Steve picks up the plates, and sets them in the sink. He'd clean them later. " Hey Jarvis, turn off the movie OK? And get the elevator ready.. I'm bringing Tony up to his room. " " Thank you, Sir " Jarvis says. Steve honestly still questioned how he got so used to Jarvis. And how a computer program could sound so concerned..

Steve walks back into the living room, and lifts Tony up bridal style, since he figured that would be the most comfortable position. Tony mumbles something about AI's and a grumpy toaster who doesn't like frozen waffles, causing another chuckle to erupt in Steve. He walks over to the opened elevator doors, and goes threw them. Once in, Steve feels the elevator go up. When the doors open, Steve walks into Tony's room, and sets him on his bed, pulling the blanket over him, right after taking off his shoes. Tony rolls onto his side. " Than's Stebe.. " Tony mumbles groggily. Steve smiles. " Ya.. Your welcome Tony. " Steve says, ruffling his hair, and he leaves his room.

Steve feels his chest warm slightly when he turns his head to see Tony sleeping soundly. He was happy, he finally understood what was going on. He saw a side of Tony that few get to see. This would definitely help the team dinamic, and his friendship with Tony. Yeah, so now, he's definitely planning out how he'll fix all the recent wrongs done on Tony.

And ya know, if suddenly Tony had less work on his agenda, and less hate mail and passages in articles centering on the smallest things he did, if suddenly the reporter admitted she lied and was soon fired, if Steve and Tony suddenly were closer friends, if suddenly Fury laid off him a bit.. And if suddenly the guy who had tripped and said those horrible things to him suddenly came up to him with a nervous apology as Steve stood behind him with a comforting hand on his shoulder and a blazing glare set on the guy..

Well, none of them mentioned it.

OK so, first off, I'm not saying this would happen. I'm not saying Tony would react like this. I know strong people break down in stressed situations, so I went off that. This is purely self indulgent, so please don't be rude and make hateful comments. I'm sorry for any errors. I hope you enjoyed :)

Also, please do not repost and say you wrote this story, please say I wrote this story. Do not tag this as a shipment between the two. This is meant to show them as FRIENDS. Thanks you.

HEY GUYS I EDITED AND MADE IT LONGER AND ALITTLE BETTER ITS STILL CRAP BUT ITS BETTER XD