#Now I'm dying cause I have social anxiety

[cyanrendipity]

I hate translating meetings for work 😭

Girl I'm fluent in english that doesn't mean I understand technical speak for an area I'm not part of! (I'm support this was for sales)

I don't think people realize how hard it is to translate speech about a subject you're not familiar with, you barely understand whats being said yourself let alone how to convey that back into another language!

I need a raise

[heretic--queen]

.

[bellysoupset]

Is it okay if I use 🍁 as my anon emoji? If not then 🦊?

But my request is could you do a story about Vince and Max taking a class on an overnight field trip somewhere and both begrudgingly have to share a room. But of course one of them (I don’t mind who) gets a really upset tummy and the other has to be the reluctant carer while also having to deal with kids who are constantly knocking on their door, complaining or asking for things as young kids do. And then, the next day it’s a painstakingly long, bumpy bus ride home.

-🍁/🦊

-🦊 anon and ☂️ anon requested Max with a tummy ache opening up to others.

I'm sorry it took me so long!!

—----------------

Vince zipped up his jacket and turned around as he looked over the teenagers, all brimming with anxiety over the trip. 

It was a tradition of Doverport’s High to grant senior students a more expensive field trip than usual. Usually all excursions had to fall under the guise of education, with a teacher drafting up a whole proposal signaling why it was important for the students to experience it and how it would benefit their curriculum. 

The seniors trip, though, was exclusively for socialization. The fancy word they used for fun. 

Sophia had been talking about the trip nonstop for weeks now, she had even gone on a shopping trip to get a new swimsuit — one Ma had promptly forbidden her from wearing — and had nearly exploded with happiness when Wendy had gifted her with a fancy toiletry bag with three hundred little pockets that Vince thought was a monstrosity. 

He’d never understand women.

Vin could easily spot his sister in the crowd of excited faces, as they showed Daniels their parent permits. She was in the far back, talking with a much shorter black girl and they were giggling and whispering. Sophia was as tall as the boys in her grade and she attracted quite a bit of attention, so Vince was under sworn duty to watch out for her. 

He hadn’t even wanted to be a part of the trip, unlike Max who had been hand picked by the seniors. Vince had only volunteered as a replacement to Ms. Lobdell after much begging from his mother, only for the literature teacher to injure herself a month ago and end up with a cast leg.

“Hi, Mr. Daniels,” Vince cringed as he heard his sister’s sugary voice, a tell tale of her flirting. This was more awkward than Sophia hitting on Luke. 

“Hi, Sophia,” Max answered without missing a beat, not indulging her in the least, “Hi, Charlie. Permits?”

“I don’t really need papers, mom sent him to follow me around,” Sophia complained glaring in Vin’s direction, but handed Daniels a folded paper. 

Max snorted, “I’ll make sure Mr. Monacelli has enough on his plate he’s not following you around,” he patted the metal of the bus, “go on to your seats, shoo.”

Vince scoffed as he noticed Sophia was red up to her ears as she walked past Max and entered the bus, right in front of him, “comportati, Soph,” he told her to behave herself and she responded by folding her arm in a bras d’honneur, which went over her American friend’s head but meant a loud fuck you to Vin.

“Ready for the trip, Mr. Mo?” Max asked cheekily, as he finished up retrieving the permits and slammed the pile of papers against Vin’s chest, “I’m sure it’ll be great.” 

—------

Senior trips were a dying tradition around the US, but the few schools that still did it normally took their students to Disney World or New York City… Not Doveport. They were mainly a harbor town, made of blue collared workers and glamor wasn’t in their alphabet. 

This year, the trip was to Canada, to a resort that had offered them some incredible rates since it was off season. The only downpoint was that the trip there was nearly five hours long. 

Vince didn’t mind long bus trips, had gotten used to them when in the football team, but he did mind not having anyone to talk to. The teens were noisy, but mostly enthralled with themselves and so excited that no one was causing much trouble. Daniels, on the other hand, had curled up on his seat up the front and gone quiet. 

Vin glanced at his watch. One hour down.

“Are you gonna keep pacing?” Sophia whined, when Vince walked the bus hallway for the fourth time and caused the boys who were chatting her up to sink back to their seats. 

Vince rolled his eyes, “just doing my job.”

“You’re a history teacher, not a hallway monitor,” Sophia spat back without hesitating, “you’re making everyone nervous by walking around like a prison guard.”

He didn’t buy that, but once he glanced over his shoulder, there were more than a couple pairs of eyes glued to his back, probably wondering if he was giving Sophia a hard time and if they were next. Vince sighed. 

“Fine, fine, fine, I’m going back to my seat,” he relented, walking back up to the front. Daniels stirred slightly when Vince sat next to him, grimacing and scratching his prickly cheek.

“Did little miss Monacelli chew you out?” he asked, his voice rough as if he had been sleeping. Vince didn’t know how he could even fall asleep with so much noise. 

“Doesn’t she always?” Vin teased lightly, stretching his legs as much as the cramped seats allowed him. From the corner of his eye he could see Max was still frowning, so Vince squirmed on his seat, retrieving his phone from his back pocket and throwing the other man a quick glance, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” Max nodded, “just tired, that’s all. You got them handled?” 

Vince shrugged, glancing over his shoulder, “they’re all behaving, it’s not as if they’re children. You can take a nap if you want.” 

“Thanks,” the blonde curled up against the window once more, shivering violently and rubbing his hands as if to warm them up.

Not thirty minutes later, Vince snapped out of his New Girl rewatch, because Daniels had just…Kicked him? 

Vin frowned, looking over his shoulder — All of the teens were busy, chatting amongst themselves, napping or listening to music — then back at the blonde. If Vince didn’t know better he’d think it had been on purpose, but no… Max was pressed up against the window and he had an arm curled around his stomach, when yet another twitch hit him and he involuntarily kicked. 

Vin snorted, sliding down his seat and getting comfortable. He was bored, but texting Wendy or his friends was out of question, they were all at their jobs right now. 

An hour later he muffled a yawn of his own, getting up to stretch and looking ahead. Now most of the kids were knocked out and the bus was much quieter. Outside, the sun was setting and the wind had picked up, howling. 

He did another round in the hallway, just to keep his leg from falling asleep and snorted as he passed by his sister’s seat. The teenager was curled up on her friend, snoring softly, long legs folded like an origami project. 

Vince’s stomach rumbled with hunger. There were two more hours to go in their trip, but once they arrived and finished check-in, they had a free pass to the hotel’s restaurant and he couldn’t wait. 

He sat back down and rubbed his stomach to stop the growling, only to realize Max was shivering.

Vin frowned, turning off the mini A/C unit that stayed over their heads. Daniels looked much more friendly when he was passed out, face smooth, no snark. 

“Daniels?” Vince whispered, shaking his arm slightly, “you’re ok?” 

“Uhhhm,” Max groaned, forcing his eyes open, looking out of it. It wasn’t a nap, the man had fallen into slumber. 

“Are you alright?” Vince repeated himself, a little louder.

For a moment it looked like Max was going to bite his head off for waking him up to ask such a question, but then the other man groaned again and shook his head, “I’m fff-fucking fee-freezing,” he said, his teeth chattering. 

Vince raised his eyebrows. The temperature had dropped considerably since the sun set and they were about to cross the Canadian border, but the bus was packed with people and fairly warm. 

“Here,” he said without thinking, digging through his backpack and handing a hoodie to the other guy. Even with the beard covering most of his cheeks, Vince could see the man turning red. 

“I don’t-”

“Don’t be stupid, you’re cold, I’m not using it,” Vince shrugged, “but it’s not that cold…” he reached in without thinking, but before he could feel Max’s forehead, the man slapped his hand away sharply, glaring at him.

“Don’t do that.”

Vince scoffed, turning on his seat in an offended manner. The other man was still a puzzle for him: adored by all teenagers, hated by other teachers. An asshole and ex-bully, but at the same time willingly driving Vince back home when he found the man plastered at 3 AM.

And then there was that haunted look on Max’s face, that Vince had seen the other night with Lucas. That horrible, terrible yearning, which Vince could easily place alongside Max’s cavernous one bedroom house, the fact he never saw the guy hanging out with anyone, never texting a soul… 

When they did park outside the resort, two hours later, the teenagers were quickly shaking off the sleep, their voices getting higher and higher. 

“I want- I want-” Vince pinched his nose bridge as loud piercing laughter interrupted him two times in a row. Daniels was watching the crowd with a pacific smile, happy to let Vince deal with it. 

“I WANT TWO QUEUES,” Vince said loudly, startling the teens and cringing, “GIRLS WITH MR. DANIELS, BOYS WITH ME.”

There was a minute of silence, then hurried steps as they organized themselves. Vince grimaced as he felt a thump to his back and Max whispered, “good job, Mr. Moron, you scared the ducklings,” stepping ahead to shepherd his group of teenage girls. 

It was a minor chaos to sort through all the room keys and get everyone checked-in, but around one hour and a half later Vince finally made it to the bedroom he would be sharing with Daniels. His stomach was hurting with hunger and he was starting to get considerably cranky. 

Max’s bags were on his bed already, claiming it, but he wasn’t in the room. Irrationally, Vince felt a wave of annoyance at the fact the man was probably down in the restaurant having dinner, not that this was Max’s fault at all. 

However, when he made it to the cafeteria… The other teacher was nowhere to be found. Their students were already spreading around, playing as adults and getting together in little cliques. Sophia lit up as Vince walked in the room, something she rarely did and Vince raised his eyebrows as the girl waved for him to join her table. 

He grabbed a bottle of juice as well as his full plate and walked over, sitting on the booth and squeezed between a pack of girls who were all blushing. 

“Yeah?” 

“This place is great, Vin,” Sophia told him, “I never wanna leave.”

Vince snorted, starting to eat. Before him, one of the girls started to rave about the hotel having an indoor heated pool. Vince’s stomach clenched with worry as a million little accidents flashed in front of his eyes. 

“You girls are going to behave, won’t you?” he asked seriously, “act like adults.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Soph dismissed him easily, grinning mischievously with her friends, “do you know if Mr. Daniels is single? We never see him with anyone.We should invite him to swim-”

“I don’t know and even if I did it wouldn’t matter,” Vince glared at them, “you’re all underage, this is simply embarrassing.”

“I’m eighteen!” Sophia cried out, as Vince stood up, taking his food, “c’mon, don’t be such a prude!” 

Vince scoffed, “wait until babbo hears about this, Sophia Maria,” he told her viciously, causing his younger sister to glare at him, her light eyes squinting.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me,” he glared back, “focus on the boys your age, or better yet, don’t focus on any boy. Focus on college.”

“Thank you Mr. Hypocrisy,” Sophia pouted, “you were dating in high school!”

Vince sighed, “and it led nowhere,” he pointed out gently, “I just want you girls to be careful and-” he snapped his mouth shut as Soph yawned at his words, exaggerating it and causing her friends to giggle. Vince rolled his eyes, “leave Mr. Daniels alone, this isn’t cute, he’s working.” 

“Are you dating, Mr. Monacelli?” one of the girls called sweetly as Vince started to walk away, only for Vin to hear as Sophia said sharply “EWw Rita, that’s my brother!”

Deciding he’d have better luck eating by himself, Vince found a secluded corner of the restaurant and all but inhaled his food. He hung around as the kids finished up their meals, then ushered them to bed, despite knowing they were allowed to enjoy the hotel facilities. For the next three days, they were allowed nearly everything. 

His sister had long disappeared, much to his worry, and Vince was still scoffing to himself as he made his way back to the room. Vince’s anger vanished with a puff as he noticed the bedroom was untouched. Max’s bag was still on the bed, but no sign of the man. 

“...Daniels?” Vince kicked the door shut, walking further in and noticing the bathroom door closed, “Daniels, you in there…?”

A beat of silence, and then a groan and Vince raised his eyebrows, walking closer to the door, “man, are you alright?” 

“G’away…” Max slurred, his words sticking together, “m’fine.”

“Uhum, you don’t sound so good… ” Vince picked at his nails, glaring at the knob, “did you have dinner at all? Restaurant is closing, but I can get you a plate if you di-” a retch answered him, a muffled little oh-god before the sound of liquid hitting liquid.

Vince cringed, clearly realizing the other guy was sick. He tried the knob and realized the door wasn’t locked, even if the request for privacy couldn’t be more clear as Max let out a loud groan from the floor and tried to kick him. 

“Gooooaway-”

“Shit, Daniels,” Vince crouched down, taking the other guy in. Max had pulled his hair into a manbun, but some strands had already escaped and they were sticking to his clammy face. He was the color of spoiled milk, white with a green undertone, and there was a dark wet spot in the front of Vince’s borrowed hoodie, a clear tell he hadn’t made it to the bathroom in time, “why didn’t you say anything? I could’ve handled the students-”

“Itssssfine,” his honey colored eyes were dazed with fever, “they’re not hard to…To handle…” He turned his face towards the toilet once more, groaning as another wave of nausea hit him, cheeks puffing as he blew out a belch towards the water. 

“Were you already sick when we left?” Vince didn’t know what to do with himself. If this was any of his friends, he’d be all over them. Rubbing their back, holding back the strands of hair, getting them water, checking their fever… But this was Daniels, who clearly didn’t want him there.

“No,” Max pressed his overheated forehead to the cool porcelain, “just a stomach- Stomachache…” he gulped down nervously, “but I- I get those all the time, so…” 

Vince sighed in sympathy. It must be terrible to be sick so often that Max couldn’t recognize when he was coming down with something or not. 

“Okay,” Vin decided, stripping himself of any grudge he might hold towards the guy. He just couldn’t be mean when Max was looking so pathetic, “are you done? Let’s get you into bed.”

The blonde shook his head, leaning forward and panting over the toilet, “not done…” 

They sat there for another minute, the sick man’s breath picking up and then calming down just as Vince thought he was about to puke. He hung his head in shame, “you don’t have to stay, I’m gonna get you sick… Again.”

“I have nothing to do,” Vince shrugged, sitting against the small hotel cabinet and playing Candy Crush on his phone, “my girlfriend is probably at class right now, so I can’t even call her…” 

Max turned his head to face him, pained lines around his eyes and his lips a grayish shade, wrapping an arm around his stomach, “your girlfriend with the cute bob?” he gestured to his hair and Vince snorted, nodding. 

“Yep.” 

He raised a judgmental eyebrow, “Oh no, please don’t say she’s a high schooler…?”

Vince frowned, “Do you always assume the worst in people? Do I look like the type to date a high schooler, when I’m about to turn twenty five?”

“Yes,” Max groaned, gagging and spitting. He let out a whimper as a cramp hit him, squeezing his eyes and waiting for it to pass, “fuck my entire life…” 

“See, that’s karma,” Vince teased him, leaning back, “I’m not an asshole, you know? Or a criminal. Wendy’s older than me,” he rolled his eyes, “she’s a doctor.”

“But you said she’s in class,” Max pointed out and when Vince only stared at him, he pouted, “humor me? My gut’s killing me, I don’t wanna think about it.”

Vince let out a huff at that, but indulged the guy, “she takes Interior Design classes on thursday nights, she likes to keep busy,” he explained, “I don’t understand why you think I’m such an asshole, you’re the one who were a fucking bully, not me.”

“You look like an asshole,” Max pressed on his stomach, closing the toilet lid and letting out a groan, “and you acted like a homophobic moron the other day, when I said your boyfriend was there.”

This elicited a startled chuckle from Vince, making him throw his head back with such force it hit the cabinet and made him wince, “shit, ow-” he was still giggling and rubbing his head as he said, “I’m not homophobic, I’m bi! You’re ridiculous!” 

“Ah,” was Max's despondent answer, as he leaned back and rubbed his chest in an uneasy manner, “but you were an asshole for no reason…”

“I thought you were being t-” Vince interrupted himself, cringing. It was not his place to out Wendy, “homophobic. You know, the new teacher is gay haha so funny,” he rolled his eyes, feeling very proud of himself for the save. 

“Now I feel queasy, disgusting and stupid, thanks,” Max said sourly, wrapping both arms around his stomach and making Vince snort all over again. 

“You’re welcome,” he got up from his spot, filling up a glass of water for the guy and then offering him a hand to get up from the floor, “you should be in bed, you’re burning a fever there…” 

“Anyone ever tell-” Max swayed on his spot as Vince pulled him up, bracing against the sink, “ever tell you that you’re such a mother?” 

“Not really,” Vince patted the guy’s back with a little too much force, “I’m the chill one of my friend group.”

Max scoffed, leaning over the sink with a wet belch and spitting some frothy saliva “uhmmm… Don’t- Don’t believe you…” 

[thatanimewriter]

IMMOVABLE OBJECT MEETS UNSTOPPABLE FORCE.

➳ request: Big ask. Weiss, Blake, & Yang (separately) with a quiet reader S/O either taking a hit for them (potentially dying) or reader being saved by them (or vice versa)? Either one of the two, or maybe both if you're up for it. Thank you.

➳ character/s: weiss schnee, blake belladonna, yang xiao long

➳ warnings: blood, death, injuries, canon typical violence

➳ notes: i have an unhealthy addiction to angst, this is great >:)) i'm so sorry for the wait bestie, i promise i'm getting through requests-

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

── 𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐍𝐄𝐄.

she's probably a little bit mad, but also proud and a little jittery in more than one way

like, how nice that even though she's had a privileged life for so long that someone like you would take a hit for her

but also you took a hit for her and now you're injured >:((

thank you so much, she's very flattered and will pamper you until you get better but don't ever do that ever again

she'll cry (as if she isn't already after the adrenaline is gone) and it's embarrassing for her

she doesn't wanna be mean, but she probably never thought you'd do something like that for her

you're so quiet and reserved, maybe you'd stick to your own safety

she was wrong and she didn't wanna be proven wrong in this way

if you die though-

she will NEVER forgive herself and she will train like nothing else to be better so this doesn't happen to anyone else

has something of yours on her at all times and is super reluctant to date anyone again

if she wants motivation to keep going during a battle, it's you she thinks of

── 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀.

angry girlie because she can handle herself and she already feels like a bit of a burden as it is

will eventually be grateful for the save but it's gonna be a little while before she comes around

you should've just kept to yourself, she can handle being hurt, but she doesn't like it when you are

especially because of her (it's not really, but that's how she interprets it)

she'll read to you if you're uncomfortable trying to go to bed without aggravating injuries

will let you pat her ears if it makes you happy, but don't think this is a regular occurrence, she just enjoys the quiet time with you

will hold this against you for a little while, but won't be mean about it

just reminders that you should like, not do that again because remember when you were bedridden for weeks-

if you died after saving her, it's like battle of beacon pt. 2 bro

she runs away and disappears and probably is not found for a longgg time

visits your grave (if you have one) every day and tells you all her regrets and what she wanted to do with you before you died

doesn't take on another lover after you die, it feels disrespectful to her and she feels like she should owe you something in return

── 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐗𝐈𝐀𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆.

less mad than anxious about your sacrifice

goes absolutely crazy (super saiyan mode) to end the fight asap so she can check on you and make sure you're as good as possible

honestly, the whole thing is kind of a blur after you took the hit for her

pure blind anxiety and a lil bit of rage to just get you both out of there

yells at you a bit cause she's so scared for your life rn, don't do this to her on a regular basis

knows you're not the most outgoing though so she's willing to sacrifice some of her social time to help you recuperate

will play some games with you if you want cause you can't do a whole lot

definitely more willing to take a day in with you after this cause TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE, she gotta spend time with you

if you died to the hit, she will probably let herself get beat up a lil more than usual

just for one huge blow to throw back at them for literally killing her partner

worse nightmares than adam tbh, she is haunted by you and she can't even blame you for this one

will eventually return to the dating scene but won't ever forget you and tries not to find a replica of you

[keeperofthebees]

do I have your attention? good

just realized I've not seen a single person say that Miguel has PTSD but Miguel abso-fucking-lutely has PTSD and I'm surprised more people haven't like noticed like it's so obvious

The traumatic event was. you know. his daughter dying in his arms as the entire universe crumbled around him. That's why Peter is so comfy with him, cause he saw that happen and knows "if that happened to me I wouldn't fare much better" and Miguel is his friend, first and foremost. Second, his boss. And third, a man with PTSD. that's less important to him because he likes Miguel and Miguel is not his trauma.

some symptoms of ptsd I'd like to point out specifically bc i think they apply:

avoidance of situations that bring back memories of the trauma (👀)

heightened reactions

agitation

irritability

hostility

hypervigilance

self-destructive behavior

social isolation

severe anxiety

mistrust

guilt

loneliness

emotional detachment

now I want you to look at these and the look at me and tell me Miguel doesn't have PTSD. look me in my face.

I have seen a lot of people calling Miguel a "monster" and an "asshole" and some other not nice things and i... guess I could... try and ignore the fact that he is a brown man with anger issues and PTSD being called a monster specifically by white fandom members. yes, he has fangs and claws. and if they're not calling him a monster, they're being horny about him. which is fine. except when it's the only goddamn thing I SEE IN THE TAG DO YOU GUYS SEE MEN OF COLOR AND JUST LOSE ALL SENSE OF CIVILITY COME ON.

Sorry. sorry.

I think it's been so long since the movie came out that people have absorbed the jokes and horny and lost the plot, you know?

cause the Miguel O'Hara tag is filled to the brim with x readers and hornyposting and people making fun of miguel for having PTSD so I just kinda miss critical thinking skills a little bit. I get the jokes. I understand them. but I feeeeeel like Miguel's actual character is getting lost in the sauce.

Yes, Miles is 15. But to Miguel, this 15 year old is trying to go back and kill 7 billion people. an entire multiverse. that's what he thinks. The needs of the many, right? Too many people have boiled it down to "Miguel hates Miles for not wanting his dad to die" which makes my autistic little brain sob.

yeah ok I care too much about a fictional guy whatever but he is not getting the justice he deserves from ANYONE in this goddamn house.

[madrone33]

I have been CHILLING this week post-Vengeance saga release! I managed to avoid debilitating stress and anxiety from the onslaught of fan stuff by simply avoiding all social media for the first two days, so it's been good!

However, I am now BACK, dumping my immediate reaction of the saga from a week ago. I thought I was ready. I was not ready. 600 Strike blew my mind. I was left staring blankly at my ceiling. Jorge please rest sometime, I'm begging you. The amount of talent beaming through my screen is exhausting even me.

Also, to every cast member and collaborator and behind the scenes person: y'all are amazing. Like seriously. I hope you all get a yummy drink and a cozy blanket and just. Bask in the satisfaction of a job well done. Hats off to y'all fr.

Anyways! I keysmashed the following at around midnight, 14 hours before the livestream ('cause australia is the superior timezone /j). Be warned there's LOTS of swearing 'cause sleep deprivation + incoherent excitement lol

AHHH IT'S GO TIME

Ok it's starting the same as the Goodspeed festival showed. Tho, the first lead in sound thing reminds me of Lucids.

Gorgeous vocals. Hate Calypso, love Wangui fr

"Let me speak!" She really doesn't care about his feelings huh. I noticed in LIP as well, she always makes it about her, which is absolutely in character.

Those ensemble harmonies tho!!

"... You do?" Girl you literally told him to lie smh

"Why in the world won't you love me too?" 'Cause he has a WIFE

IT'S HERMES TIME

FSA melody? YO??

"Cause I had one goal in mind..." the silence where the crew's chorus would come in is PAINFUL

BAG?? HERMES!!

"Hello old friend!" Grinning so hard rn

"Well it's a little bit ✨dangerous✨" AHHH IT'S HAPPENING

Fingertapping and headbopping to this chorus

"Put your whole braiin in it!" I love how he says that sm

"And lastly the wind bag" NEW STUFF

WINIONS

Wow ok I did not expect the wind bag to show up again. Tho it makes sense; this is probs the storm that Ody told Sirenelope kept blocking the way home

ODY SINGING THE CHORUS!!!!

RUTHLESSNESS MENTION

"Hermes! Thank you" AHHH THE CALLBACK! He sounds so tired and like down to his bones grateful this time 🥺

"I'm not the one who fought for you!" MY EYES WIDENED SO FAR. WE ALMOST GOT AN ATHENA NAMEDROP. I'll settle for the reference to her

Okeee. Charybdis!!

Oooh it's just like in the reference vid. No lyrics for this start part!

The 5/4 is amazing. And the electric guitar!!

God this song is SO BADASS

LETS GOOOO ODY!!!

ahhh I KNEW there'd be some sort of soft KYFC esque "I can't wait to make some new memories" type verse AND I WAS RIGHT

he sees ithaca!! Oh god poseidon's gonna show up isn't he

my heart's beating so fast i'm scared

PENELOPEEE

the ELECTRONIC DISTORTION OH NO IT'S HIM

RIGHT INTO GET IN THE WATER AHHH

"Coward" AHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE FINALY HEARING THIS FOR REAL

"That's when our paths collide!" THE RASP

"Now get in the water" Oh shiiiit here we go

the choir is so eerie

"GET IN THE WATER" THE GROWL

"aren't you tired poseidon" ooh it's this part!!

ha he changed it to ten years instead of eight like the demo had XD

"maybe you can learn to forgive" the line from that one snippet!

"No" oop

"DIE" DAMN that deep echo!!

*underwater sounds* oh shit ody's fucking dying

NO! FUCKING POLITES

EURY

ANTICLEA

FUCK YOU JORGE

THE CREW

WAITING??? EXCUSE ME WTF

AHHHHHH WHY TF DOES JAY LOVE HURTING US SO

HUH? HUH??? WHAT WAS THAT! AND THERE'S A FUCKING AD. Probs good, I need the break but WAHT. I KNEW he'd do another fucking polites reference gods damnit jorge WHEN I CATCH YOU

Ok time to hear 600 strike. Holy shit we're here

ELECTRIC GUITAR LETS GOOO

Aeolus theme. IS HE GONNA OPEN THE WIND BAG AGAIN??

600 MEN MOTIF HOLY SHIT

ANIME SCREAM

HOly shit there's magic sounds happening. I'm really curious about whatever Jorge's cooking up for the animatic in the livestream, 'cause I have no clue what's happening rn 👀

"For every comrade!" FSA melody!

"all those _ who were slaughtered by your hand" hmm I can't quite hear what he's saying there?

wait wait wait he's ACTUALLY using the power of his 600 men!!

"You idiot" damn lol

DIFFERENT BEAST ODY HOLY SHIT

is that a blade sound effect?

WAIT DID HE JUST STAB HIM WITH HIS OWN TRIDENT

HOLY SHIT ODY

HOLY FUCK

POP OFF ODY

OMG "MONSTER" AND THEN "RUTHLESSNESS"

BRO HE'S BEGGING??

*trident drops* hot damn ody

"Next to my wife." OHHHHHHH MIC DROP

Holy FUCK that was crazy

I'm gonna listen to it again.

Ok but holy shit Odysseus literally just tortured a god until he gave in?? Daym ody

Tho I like how he tries using open arms first, and then ruthlessness. He's kinda found a balance? I say kinda, 'cause he went hard on the ruthlessness, but since he sincerely tried to ask Poseidon to just drop the whole thing already, his later actions in 600 Strike feel more warranted.

I honestly don't know how Jorge keeps doing it. He just keeps topping himself! Like! Thunder Bringer? And then God Games?? And now Six Hundred Strike??? They just keep getting better! Banger after banger, like!! How.

Wait I just wanna. Sit with it. Imma lie down and stare at the ceiling for a bit, aight?

... I am shooketh.

But BRO THAT WAS INSANE! ODY FUCKED HIM UPPP

AMAZING BRAVO EXTRODINARY INCREDIBLE SHOWSTOPPING GORGEOUS WONDERFUL HOW DARE YOU

[nikkichama]

Naruto Fic Rec

Fic that I read more than once,twice, thrice or more.

HashiMada:

Sugar on your lips (I'm addicted) by chidoried E Canon divergent/Founder's era/Fix-it/Hashirama is whipped Bottom Madara/One Shot Madara placed the sweet dango between his lips, not biting into it, just holding it between his lips and teeth, looking at Hashirama expectantly. The Senju swallowed thickly, leaning in and taking a bite, their lips brushing momentarily and causing a spark to run through his body. In which Madara has a sweet tooth and loves eating dangos and Hashirama might be a little too in love.

Alkahest by misbehavingvigilante M Canon Divergence/Angst with Happy Ending/Sibling Love/Izuna Lives/ TobiIzu/One Shot In which, Madara doesn't refuse Hashirama's offer after all and Izuna lives because of it.

Lost & Found series by Makkoska E and M Modern Setting/Past Drug Use/Past Alcohol Abuse/Self-harm tendencies/Social Anxiety/Smoking/Coming Out/Divorced Parents/Past Hashirama x Mito Madara starts a new life in a quiet little village with the help of an old flame

Breathless by PaddyChan E ♥♥♥♥♥ Founders Era/Canon Divergence/Slow Burn/Protective Hashirama/Izuna Lives/ 63 chapters Forced to abandon their friendship due to the endless war raging between Senju and Uchiha, Hashirama and Madara are now facing each other on the battlefield as leaders of their clans. In one reality Madara has to mourn his last remaining brother, before being ultimately defeated by the Senju leader and losing the trust of his people. In another one, the odds are even worse. However, when Madara faints on the battlefield, Hashirama finds himself unable to kill the man he once considered his best friend. With Madara on the verge of dying, Hashirama decides to take matters into his own hands. And maybe, a single change is enough to steer fate into a different direction.

Adore by midnightfeast T Modern Setting/Pre-Relationship/One Shot “I don’t even know about your first kiss. How have I never asked you this before? Was she pretty?” Oh, he had asked countless of times, but Madara had been skilled enough to deceive his efforts.  For some reason, tonight was different. Tonight, Hashirama would not let him get away with deception. Maybe it was the alcohol, probably the raw emotions of a hurting and bleeding breakup that had Hashirama turn onto all-fours and crawl towards Madara with piercing eyes and under that intense gaze, Madara heart started to race. “Or was it a man? You know I don’t care.” Or: Closing in on thirty, Madara is convinced that he'll live the rest of his life as an unkissed virgin, because there is only one person he wants. After another break-up, Hashirama finds himself on Madara's carpet, drunk and curious.

Out of Time by Mari_Kel M ♥♥♥ (WIP) 57 Chapters Time Travel/Genin Era/Team Yamato-Freeform/Fluff and Angst/Friends to Lovers/Uchiha Madara-centric/Senju Hashirama-centric/Canon Divergence/PTSD/Team as Family/Found Family/Not Canon Compliant/Mental Health Issues Sarutobi Hiruzen was a smart man. He was the third Hokage of the Hidden Leaf, star pupil of Senju Tobirama, hailed as the second God of Shinobi, and master of ten thousand jutsu. But, as he stares down at the result of the latest botched space-time jutsu, one taken from the Nidaime’s Forbidden Archive and modified by Hiruzen himself, he wonders how smart he really is to have something backfire this badly. Because there is a tiny, angry, twelve-year-old Uchiha Madara with only one-tomoe sharingan, yelling and brandishing a kunai at him. And clinging to Madara’s arm is an equally tiny Senju Hashirama, shaking and alarmingly pale. Hiruzen closes his eyes and sighs. Truly a smart man. OR: The one where Yamato gets his own rather unique genin team comprised of a ghost, a god, and an assassin, and the timeline will never be the same.

TobiIzu:

Keep You by midnightfeast E ♥♥♥ Modern Setting/Friends with Benefits To Lovers/Smut/One Shot Unfortunate really, that Tobirama just had to go and be sweet and kind to Izuna’s cat, because then Izuna had to develop feelings for the man that was meant to be nothing more than his booty call. (I saw a reddit post or tumblr post similar to this ages ago and couldn't stop thinking about it, so I had to write a story for it. Unfortunately, I can't link the source of inspiration, because I can't find it. If you see it, please tell me.)

Don't leave me hanging by AlismaeGullran G There was only one bed/Getting Together/Pining/Canon Divergence There was only one bed, which makes room for confessions.

My rival, My friend by AlismaeGullran T/G Series 7 Work ♥♥♥ Founders Era/Fluff/Sick Fic/Past Child Abuse/Mention of Child Abuse/Hurt-Comfort/Angst with Happy Ending This is my collection of TobiIzu stories. These are all set in the same AU.

Seducing Tobirama by Phlebas T/M/E Series 6 Work Pre-Slash/Warring States Period/Mutual Pining/Uchiha Izuna Lives/Discussion of Canonical Child Death/Smut/Bottom Izuna Seducing Tobirama is harder than Izuna thought it would be. Loosely linked short fics in the same AU, all of which are inspired by the art of Junsui

A Soft Green Glow by Sharkseye M 47 ♥♥♥ Altered Mental States-due to blood loss/Pre-Slash/Canon Divergence/Pre-canon Returning from an ambush that killed his entire team and near fatally wounded him, Izuna finds himself followed by an enemy far more dangerous than the ones he left behind. Even if he makes it back to Uchiha lands, he'll be killed long before help can arrive. That is, if the blood loss doesn't get him first. ~*~ The title of my notes on this is 'Tobirama Escorts Izuna Home'. That's it, that's the story. Due to popular demand, there is now a second chapter!

My Nemesis my only Friend by Eisengrave, Maelikki, selwyn E 47 chapters ♥♥♥

Warring States Period/Fix-it/Somebodylives-somebody not/Slow Build/Pining/Uchiha Izuna lives/TobiIzu centric Hashirama saved Izuna and Madara agreed to peace. Konoha is standing on its new foundation, resting on the shoulders of two giants. But where does that leave their loyal shadows? The little brothers that swore themselves to the way of war? What good are their sharp edges when the world wants to learn to be soft? Who would understand that it's not so easy to let go of living your life in ever-present readiness to fight, to kill? [despite this vague summary this is actually very much a fix-it for the Founder's era. Izuna lives. The Shinobi Wars sort of don't happen. Sort of. Everyone lives. Hashimada is canon. Couple of OCs kicking around to fill the background.]

Curious affections by taedislumina T ♥♥♥ Modern setting/Slight NSFW/One-shot "what made you fall in love with me?" in which Izuna begs a daunting question at 2AM, Tobirama opts to humour him, and both are entirely captivated with eachother.

Mission accomplished by obitoforpresident E Friends to Lovers/Alcohol/Smut/Fluff and Smut/Dubious pinching of cheeks/One-shot But seriously- how many nights was he laying wide awake on his tatami mat because he was dreaming of the white-haired Senju? He dreamt of holding his strong hands in his, of being in his arms, cuddling and most importantly - kissing. It were too many years of suppressed feelings, but Izuna didn't have the guts to say something to the other man.

Masks I wear by Kamaleen E 3 chapters Alternative Universe- Werewolf/Alpha Beta Omega/Sexual Content/Mpreg “Good afternoon,” Tobirama replied. The white-haired alpha then turned halfway, gesturing toward the manor. “It’s a pleasure to have you here.” Izuna tried to smile back at the sentence that sounded like it was forced. He knew he shouldn’t take this to heart, but he did, and it hurt.

ObiKaka

Cause we mermaid for each other by obitoforpresident E ♥♥ One-shot/Modern setting/Getting Together/Fluff and Smut/Porn with feelings/Bikers “Hi,” a deep voice rumbled directly into his ear and Kakashi leaned sideways. “Wanna get a drink back at my place?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his beer before answering. “Why should I? We’re already at a bar.” The man beside him sputtered and curiosity go the best of Kakashi. He turned his head, his gaze roaming over the broad form beside him. Messy black hair, broad shoulders clad in an Akatsuki leather jacket, and full lips were pulled into an adorable pout.

A night to remember by Anonymous E One-shot/Alpha Beta Omega/Alpa Uchiha Obito/Omega Hatake Kakashi/Dirty Talk/Camboys In which Kakashi had a one night stand and realized a week later why the guy seemed familiar.

Steal me with a kiss by strangelights E Modern Setting/Morning After/One-shot/Identity Reveal/Childhood Friends/Friends to Lovers/Idiots to Lovers KakaObi Week Day 6: Indigo | Reunited | Enemies to Lovers

Falling Stars by MareNubium E 25 chapters ♥♥♥♥♥ I read this like five times minimum and I still crying while reading it. Beautiful,masterpiece. If I read it again in the near future you would catch me still crying over it. It's chef kiss.

Modern Setting/Angst/Self-Harm/Minor Violence/Recreational Drug Use/Friends To Lovers Obito only has one goal, to graduate and then leave the god forsaken town for good. All those faces, the judgmental eyes, the laughter, the ridicule, years of pretending they don’t affect him, he’s absolutely sick of it all. He wants nothing more than to leave that miserable place controlling his every will. That is until he meets Kakashi, a boy whose world is more than meets the eye.

Turn The Page by ASchwartz33 T 3 chapters ♥♥ Canon divergence/Hatake Kakashi needs a hug/Kid Hatake Kakashi/Adoption/Found Family/Jiraiya adopts Kakashi/ Uchiha Obito Lives A gift for @AdolescentLycan for The Flying Thunder God's secret Santa exchange on discord! Jiraiya finds out that Kakashi has been left alone, and intervenes to change the course of Kakashi's life forever.

Your Scent by Primerose_Wool M One-shot/Romance/Fluff/Minor character death/Getting Together/Fluff and Angst/Canon divergence In which Kakashi loves Obito’s scent and will not stop sniffing him throughout the years.

The world, through your eyes by kyasuu 5 chapters (WIP)♥♥ Hurt-Comfort/Dimensional Travel/Unhealthy Coping Mechanism/Unhealthy Relationships/PTSD/Implied-Referenced Suicide/Suicidal Ideation In one world, Uchiha Obito died saving Hatake Kakashi during the Kannabi Bridge mission, and came back as a vengeful specter decades later. In another, he was a second too slow. In both worlds, Team Minato came home one crucial member short. Kakashi finds himself in another world where his team is alive, Konoha remains undestroyed, and the shinobi world approaches tentative peace with Minato spearheading the effort as the Yondaime Hokage. It's in that moment that he knows for certain: it should've been him under that boulder. But no world is perfect. Kakashi might think this is as close as it gets, but, assuming this is reality and not the Infinite Tsukuyomi, there's always a catch. And he's right. (Or: Kakashi loses to Obito during their fight in the Kamui dimension. He wakes up in a world that's too perfect to be his own.)

The red means i love you by khalas E ♥♥ All work of Khalas is a masterpiece! Angels&Demons AU/One-shot/Fallen!Angel Kakashi/Serial Killer!Obito/The lines between worship and obsession are blurred/Dark/Obito victim's are implied to be human sacrifices “Tobi,” the man’s voice breaks as he struggles to speak through a mouthful of blood and loose teeth. “You’re Tobi.” Tobi. His daughter’s imaginary friend. Not quite imaginary, no, not with those leather-clad fingers forcing the man’s jaws apart to see blood spill from the gashes in his cheeks. 

I sent her back to her boyfriend with my handprint on her cheeks by khalas E ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (WIP) I fucking love this!Like I already reread this a dozen times. College/University AU/Slow Burn/Mentions of harrasment/Friends to Lovers/Size Difference/Possesive!Obito Years ago, if anyone had asked Obito to describe a typical Friday night, he'd have spent hours talking about the time he'd gotten into a fistfight with the school's mascot over the last gas station sushi roll. Now, stuck at home because he'd promised to babysit Kakashi's pet fish, he realizes — He's fucking whipped.

House of cards by khalas E ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 11 chapters The first fic I read from khalas and I was sold. Like when I finished I needed to reread again. Fuck it's dark and amazing,and of course made me cry, but like OMG. Screaming and kicking my legs :D Modern Setting/Detective!Obito/Detective!Kakashi/Gang!Akatsuki/Violence/Possessive!Obito/Rough Sex/Each chapter comes with it's own tw Dark like dark dark. The house always wins.

pacifist by khalas E (WIP) ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ This is part 2 of House of Cards sadly it's only 1 chapter and work in progress. Looks like nobody know what happened/how are khalas so I just hope they're okay.

pork soda by khalas E ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 10 chapters I'm not saying anything new, it's khalas it's amazing. I love it, reread it like a hundred times. Chef kiss! Modern Setting/Doctor!Kakashi/Street fighter!Obito/Self destructive behavior/Lots of violence Obito’s memories are fading, day by day. Yet, the one person he wants to forget seems to be the only thing he can remember anymore.

hot sugar by khalas E ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 6 chapters Am I going to put in all of khalas fic? Maybe, cause all of them are awesome. College/University AU/Modern setting/TA!Kakashi/Athlete!Obito/Possessive!Obito Five times Obito embarrasses himself in front of his TA, and the one time he doesn’t.

ShikaNeji:

Shadows Dancing in the Moonlight by -catalyst (xo_thefirst) G/T series 3 work Canon Divergence/Post-war/Slice of Life/Fluff/Getting Together this is where i'll be collecting all my shikaneji works :)

Liquid Copper by saturnsmoontitan T 2 chapters Emotional Hurt,Comfort/Implied-Referenced Sexual Harassment/Set during the time skip Shikamaru wasn't entirely sure how the five of them got onto the topic of Neji's missions, but it sure sobered him up quick. or Shikamaru coming to terms with how he feels about Neji after the freshly promoted Jounin comes home and talks about some... incidents during his mission.

Ripple Series by KamiKo T/M series 3 work Slow Burn/ Protective Uchiha Sasuke/ Hurt-Comfort/Friends to Lovers/Falling in Love/Anbu Hyuuga Neji/Implied-referenced Rape-noncon/Homophobic Languages/Explicit Sexual Content/Canon Adjacent The progression between Shikamaru and Neji was persistent, but leisurely and yet still somehow they had missed the turning point. //A three-part ShikaNeji series//

The Way Thing Are by Aini M 32 chapters Written in 2008 Neji's forced to take Hinata's spot in an arranged marriage after his cousin runs away. How does the Hyuuga deal with the problem?

The Box by LaughingFreak G One-shot/Family/Father-Son Relationship/Loss Its spring cleaning and while Shikadai is forced to help he finds out more about his dad than he thought he would.

A Downward Spiral by daniwritesattimes E 85 chapters Friends with Benefits/Implied-referenced child abuse/Depression/Oral Sex/Sex/Smut “You feel like kissing yet?” Neji froze at the question. He felt a burn in his face as he looked to Shikamaru questioningly. “You know? Because of the lovey get-up?” The Nara was poking fun at the slow ride of the deemed cave of love. Neji sank a bit further in his seat. The boy had too much control over him. The fun part was that Shikamaru had no idea.

A Preference by daniwritesattimes M 21 chapters So, say Shikamaru and Temari’s marriage was failing and Shikamaru met a very nice man at the market. Yeah...

SasuSaku

Pretty Little Things by LilAnnieSunshine T Romance/Love/One-shot/Canon divergence "Let her go.” Sasuke said, fighting off the pain of his broken wrist as he stood up shakily. Sakura couldn’t be more than twenty feet away from him, but he knew Itachi could end her before he even took a step. She might as well be thousands of miles away for the good he could do her. “She doesn’t have anything to do with this.” What if Sakura had come across Sasuke's fight with Itachi the day Itachi returned to the village?

of flirting and domesticity by chidoririi G One-shot/Married Life/Newly Weds/Snippet/Fluff/Headcanon Sakura's hair has gotten long and Sasuke finds out that he doesn’t like it.

The Exit Wound by LilAnnieSunshine T Domestic Fluff/Fluff and Angst/Canon Backstory/Protective Uchiha Sasuke "His girlfriend’s skin is practically flawless compared to most ninja. He knows it’s not a reflection on how challenging her battles are. She’s a medical ninja, so she’s usually treating others, not fighting. She’s also an expert at healing her own wounds, so scars aren’t usually an issue. Furthermore, when she does see combat, she can beat just about any enemy without lifting a finger. Whoever did this was not only a skilled ninja, but had a medical background as well. " Sasuke sees Sakura's scar from her battle with Sasori for the first time. He also learns that she was the one who killed the Akatsuki member, not Naruto or Kakashi. He's in awe of his wife. Written for Day 13 of SasuSaku Month. Prompt: "Battle Scars." Written late because time means nothing.

TobiMada:

War In Times of Peace by raendown E 42 chapters Arranged Marriage/Slow Burn/Bottom Madara/Uchiha Izuna Lives Not all wars are fought on the battlefield. Some are fought at the conference table, with whispers in the shadows, or even in the bedroom. In a world where the Senju and Uchiha traditional lands were too far apart to have ever made them enemies, Butsuma and Tajima are the ones who come together and sign a treaty of peace. Madara isn't happy to have his life signed away for him in a political marriage to strengthen the bond between their clans. He is even less happy to have Tobirama make assumptions of him from their very first night together. What follows from there is a journey of healing, of learning, and finding the places to belong in the places least expected.

To plead with Time by midnightfeast T/E series 2 works Family/Grief-mourning/Fluff/Modern Setting/Bottom Madara “Oh, you can also relay my admiration. His insults certainly are creative, some may call it a touch of genius.” He turned a page in his still open file and pulled out a lined paper with finely written phrases that he slid to Madara. “I collected his… most accomplished concoctions.” Or: Madara is called to a teacher-parent talk about Izuna's open aggression towards his new chemistry teacher Tobirama Senju

Amaranthine by Blackberreh M (WIP) 9 chapters Time travel/Fix-it/Panic Attacks Everything about Madara just felt... different. Something had happened, and Tobirama was going to find out what. Madara was being kind to him. That just wouldn't stand. But then again, Tobirama's always been able to adapt well to change.

Gave you my heart by aurora_nuova M Modern Setting/One-shot/Fluff At last, the door opened after his fourth, very annoyed attempt. “Hashirama! Who lets their supposed best friend wait this long outside in those freezing temp—“ He startled and threw the sleepily scrunched up, very pale face which greeted him a thoroughly confused look. “You’re not Hashirama.” “Clearly,” the albino yawned out in amusement as he leaned against the half open door, only to squint at the lights outside on the porch with a scowl. If Madara weren’t in such distress, he might’ve found it cute even.

This is all I can think of now ♥

[fast-moon]

DS9 Season 5 Thoughts

So, last season ended on... pretty much the same note season 3 ended on, which was that the Changelings had infiltrated positions of power across the galaxy. Let's see if this season they actually do anything about that.

1. Apocalypse Rising: Sisko, O'Brien, and Odo get to cosplay Klingons as they infiltrate the Empire in order to expose Gowron as a Changeling. But it turns out they had the right place, wrong guy.

2. The Ship: Sisko finds a downed Jem'Hadar ship and says "finders keepers", but a Vorta shows up and asks for it back. It takes half the crews of both sides dying before they realize that the Vorta just wanted to retrieve a sick Changeling from the ship, making the entire stand-off pointless.

3. Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places: WTF is this title and WTF did I just watch? Worf wants to make the moves on Quark's Klingon ex-wife, so Dax sexually assaults him to take his mind off it. Meanwhile, O'Brien has to keep removing himself from situations where he could cheat on Keiko with Kira because he totally would if he could.

4. Nor the Battle to the Strong: Good lord, this series was even prescient about putting yourself in dangerous situations for social media clout and then quickly getting in way over your head. At least Jake was able to admit he was a dumbass.

5. The Assignment: Keiko trolls the shit out of O'Brien by pretending to be possessed by a wraith in order to finally get some goddamn respect. That's my interpretation of this episode and I'm sticking with it.

6. Trials and Tribble-ations: lol. To be fair, I did see this specific episode back in the 90's because a friend of mine taped it and insisted I see it, but at least now I have context for who all the DS9 characters are, and it made it even funnier.

7. Let He Who is Without Sin: Dax drags Worf to Pornworld against his will, then calls him "controlling" when she does her own thing without any regard for his feelings. Then she acts all surprised when he sides with the people protesting irresponsible self-indulgence.

8. Things Past: Odo, Sisko, Dax, and Garak get Quantum Leaped into some Bajoran slaves in the past, but it turns out Odo was just having an anxiety attack over a mistake he'd made and dragged everyone else into it.

9. The Ascent: Odo and Quark get jealous of Kira and Dukat having gotten two "mortal enemies go road-tripping" episodes, decide to go on one themselves. Meanwhile, Jake and Nog become roommates, but now ironically it's Jake who's the undisciplined one while Nog is more responsible.

10. Rapture: Everyone gets new uniforms, causing Sisko to see obelisks, make maps out of his mashed potatoes, and go on crazy rants that are enough to deny Bajor entry into the Federation, eventually forcing Bashir to lobotomize him.

11. The Darkness and the Light: Someone who wasn't even part of the Cardassian military manages to covertly murder most of Kira's former resistance members, putting the competence of the actual Cardassian military to shame.

12. The Begotten: Odo's a dad... again, and has to lose the child... again. But at least he got his shapeshifting back from it.

13. For the Uniform: The Maquis start using chemical warfare against Cardassian settlements, so Sisko uses chemical warfare right back at them. And everyone's just... okay with this?

14. In Purgatory's Shadow: The episode opens teasing a Garak/Bashir road-trip, only to bait-and-switch it to a Garak/Worf road trip, only to Uno-reverse-card it back to Garak/Bashir. Also, if Bashir's been replaced by a Changeling since before the uniform switch in episode 10, then which one got frisky on Risa?

15. By Inferno's Light: Dukat gets tired of being the butt-monkey for the past couple seasons and joins the Dominion. Meanwhile, Worf spends the entire episode getting beaten up, as Worf does.

16. Doctor Bashir, I Presume?: One episode after getting the real Bashir back, the Doctor from Voyager shows up to offer to make a new fake Bashir, but then Bashir's parents show up to reveal the real Bashir has been a fake Bashir all along, so they're already all good.

17. A Simple Investigation: Odo gets his cherry popped by a woman who turns out to be a bit of a Changeling herself: in that she's actually a completely different person living under an assumed identity, and also already married.

18. Business as Usual: Quark gets roped in with some weapons dealers and sabotages the deal after learning the weapons would be used for genocide, deciding that financial bankruptcy was better than moral bankruptcy.

19. Ties of Blood and Water: Kira decides to copy Garak from a couple episodes ago and has her Cardassian father figure show up just so he can die in front of her of medical complications.

20. Ferengi Love Songs: Quark goes back to his mother's house to help other Ferengi come out of the closet.

21. Soldiers of the Empire: Worf takes an assignment on a ship with the worst Klingons in the galaxy, and Dax invites herself along because she can't imagine Worf being able to function without her telling him what to do all the time.

22. Children of Time: The crew find a planet inhabited by their descendants, who inform them they they're going to get sent back in time and then have nothing better to do but breed like rabbits. But Future Odo realizes they've already hit their time-travel quota for the season and stops it from happening.

23. Blaze of Glory: Sisko and Eddington go road-tripping to stop some missiles that don't exist, because it was all a ruse to allow Eddington to go down fighting for... basically no reason.

24. Empok Nor: O'Brien and Garak take some gold-shirts with them to go exploring a seemingly abandoned Cardassian station, with predictable results for the gold-shirts. Garak also realizes there hasn't been an outbreak of crazypox for a few seasons and wants to have his go at it.

25. In the Cards: Jake really, really wants a Pokemon card.

26. Call to Arms: The Federation is forced to abandon the station after the Dominion and Cardassians attack, but Sisko swears he'll be back because they're not about to change the title of the series to "Terok Nor".

So, now that we've left on a cliffhanger of the station being abandoned to the Dominion, I'm curious how long into the next season that status is going to remain. Even Picard getting kidnapped by the Borg only lasted until the first episode of the next season. Plus things are going to get pretty cramped if they have too many episodes with only the Defiant set to work with.

Bashir is finally growing on me now that he's abandoned his bravado and womanizing and focusing on being a doctor. He was single-handedly ruining the series for me in the first season due to being such an insufferable creep. But it's also been revealed that he's genetically enhanced, so he's still kind of annoyingly The Special in some way, but at least he doesn't rub it in people's faces.

Dax is also starting to finally develop a personality of her own, which is conceptually a plus, it's just that her newly-developed personality is really annoying. She's basically just a troll and a gossip and doesn't seem to care about how she makes other people feel. She forced herself on Worf, then he entered into a relationship with her out of what seemed like obligation, at which point she's just been incredibly controlling and manipulative of him. Which, maybe that's a Klingon thing and they go for that, but from a human perspective, it's uncomfortable.

Also, I recently learned that Nog's actor was nearly 30 while playing him here. All this time I thought he was, like, 12, but no, he is just the ultimate short king.

Also impressed at Kira's actress being able to fit back into that jumpsuit so soon after having a baby. Hopefully she'll get more episodes next season, since her pregnancy this season limited what the story could do with her.

So with that, onto the next season of Terok Nor Deep Space Nine.

[mumblesweetnothings]

i'm glad i know you - something about you

- Post battle, Newt lives a quiet life, continuing to be a bundle of social anxiety. He goes back to Britain, and the lack of human friends hits him. He missed Queenie, and Jacob, but especially Tina. His life had finally taken a turn to being more private, as he continued his care for magical beasts alongside his assistant Bunty. One day, a new café opens down the road, and he takes a chance. Then, he saw her. masterlist

part 2 - Newt's memories are just out of reach, but there's just something that he can't quite forget. 1k

~`~`~

It was weird, almost. How did nobody else go mad with desire as she moved about, her hair waving and perfectly framing her face? How could anyone not fall for those eyes as they wandered, possibly daydreaming or looking at someone? He hoped she was looking at him.

Newt had not yet driven himself into that corner, unsure where his feelings were placed at that moment, yet he undeniably felt an attraction towards her. She was helplessly charismatic, and her nature gave off a calming glow, almost lulling onlookers into a sense of security. He gazed at her occasionally, out of the corner of his eye, and he saw her laugh. He unknowingly slipped a smile as well, so small only he could catch himself doing it.  

Charmed by her laugh, he directed his attention to what caused such a sound to come out of her mouth. A man. 

Even Newt could see that the older boy’s confidence was unwavering, as he chuckled lightly at her giggles. His eyes were filled with warmth as he looked at her, chin tilted up to look squarely at her smiling face. Newt felt his chest tighten. He knew that he was an awkward mess, and of course had only spoken to you once, so he was sure that he would be unable to  break the apparent bond between her and the man at the counter.

Newt thumbed at the papers on the table in front of him, occasionally turning to see the man watching her and grinning. As the evening went on, it turned into night. By this time, everyone had already left, leaving only the workers, Newt, and that man inside. 

“It’s closing time now. If you’ve finished up, I apologise, but you have to leave.”

Sighing, Newt stood up and collected his work, upset that he was unable to talk to the girl more. Just as he was about to leave, a voice called after him. “Thanks for coming, Newt. I hope I’ll see you here again.” Newt looked up confused, only to see the girl he was thinking about smiling back at him. 

“How do you know my name, may I ask?” 

“I saw it on the papers on your desk.” she answered sheepishly. “I’m sorry for looking, but I thought you looked familiar, Mr Scamander. Perhaps later you’ll be able to tell me why.”

“And maybe someday I will.” Newt smirked slightly, hearing the small ring of the bell of the door above his head, and he left. 

She watched Newt as he left, a small feeling deep in her gut yearning for him to turn back and wave her goodbye. She thought he did look back at her just before he turned the corner, or maybe that was wishful thinking on her behalf. Fingers snapped in front of her eyes before she realised she was staring. “Hey, are you listening?” the man beside her asked. Her head snapped towards him. 

“Of course I was, Charles. Just slightly preoccupied.” she grinned before continuing the conversation. 

Charles was a man whom she had grown up with, and had come to love like a brother as they grew up. She had noticed the desire growing behind his eyes whenever she talked to him, but ignored it in hopes of it dying down over time. Unfortunately, it hadn’t, so he still followed her around, but she was glad for the extra company. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You were staring…did he do something to you?”

“No no I’m fine. Completely fine…” you trailed off. That man from earlier…he had definitely seemed familiar. Yet that didn’t stop her from admiring him in a way one would with a stranger. She had noticed him after he walked in, and immediately felt an air of magic about him. The way he carried himself slightly nervously made her curious as she continued to work. She tried in vain to concentrate, but she couldn’t help but occasionally glance at the man, once or twice catching eyes. 

The said man had coppery-bronze hair, falling over the right side of his forehead in an uncontrollable swoop. His eyes glistened a grey-ish green hue as they danced along his papers, pausing every now and then to scribble something on the worn sheet. Even after only a few moments together, he was already making her feel compelled to talk to him; get to know him more. It was too crazy, is what she told herself, being so attracted to someone she had just met. Yet he felt familiar somehow, almost suspiciously so. The faded scarf he had worn around his neck, striped yellow and grey-

“Are you sure you’re fine? Are you feeling sick or something?”

His voice shook you out of your trance, until only the faint trace of the man’s lips printed in your mind as they slanted into a lopsided smirk.

“Yeah…I’m fine”

~`~`~

Newt slumped onto a chair as soon as he got home, exhausted yet pumping with an unusual feeling. That girl…

Memories were just out of his grasp, fingers barely grazing the edges. Laughs as two teenagers ran across a meadow lit by fireflies. The girl was shivering slightly, so the boy took one sleeve off of his shoulder and draped the robe’s half around her. They huddled under the stars, sneaking whispers bathed by moonlight. Her.

Newt sat up, posture straight all of a sudden.

Don’t forget me, Newt. I promise I’ll try as long as I can not to forget you, but don’t fret if you can’t remember. We’ll meet again. I know we will.

Newt knew that they would meet again. Fate hadn't been kind to Newt in his life, with losing friends to unrequited feelings. Maybe the promise he'd made all those years ago; perhaps fate wasn't as unkind as he thought after all.

[zuzsenpai]

personal post

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who I hadn't seen in maybe 7 or 8 years. We've known each other for almost 30 years at this point, but for the last decade our conversations have largely been through birthday and Christmas texts. I went to school with her from kindergarten through eighth grade, our families were close, and she was a really good friend. But we had very few things in common as we became teenagers and eventually adults. She was a cheerleader and very classically "boy crazy", while I was a HUGE fandom nerd who was too awkward and nervous to even think about dating (still am, lets be real). She eventually became a very stereotypical "sorority girl" and I became a uhhhh bigger fandom nerd. But she always appreciated me as a friend because she claimed I was the "least fake and most genuine" person in her life. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding back in 2014, and since then she moved 90 mins away while I stayed in our home town. She became a social worker for a veterans hospital and I became a video editor/animator for a health care network. Our parents have stayed friends and see each other a lot more than we do tbh, and like I said, we became "2-3 texts per year friends". None of this background info is super relevant to what I'm about to say, but whatever. I said it anyway.

So yesterday we spent about 3 hours catching up. It was nice to see her, but a bit difficult. Because everything she caught me up on was one negative thing after another, one medical issue or work stressor or aging parent issue after another. She bombarded me with details on how every week at work is worse than the next. That she can barely handle the stress. That work stress is what's caused her to fail to get pregnant for the 5 years she's been trying, and now she's at the age where a pregnancy would be geriatric. That she can't do IVF because she has a severe anesthesia phobia. That her parents are dying and her husband's parents are dying and every vacation she tries to go on gets screwed up somehow. Even the tiniest little thing like "oh let me see a picture of your cat", turned into complaining about the cat's medical problems. I know life can be VERY shitty, especially for millennials, but what she said really got to me.

I absorbed the negative vibes and responded with complaints about my life/medical issues/work/relationships/parents as well. And soon I came to the realization that there's nothing good going on in my life either. Or at least nothing she would understand. Things like "I'm replaying a game I love because I want to write fanfic" or "I'm slowly pulling together a new cosplay".... those are things that I would consider positive in my life, but they felt like they weren't worth mentioning. But you know... maybe I should have mentioned them. Because she probably went home thinking the same thing about me-- that I'm a negative person and my life is shit.

During our entire 3 hour conversation, neither of us laughed once, and that really struck me. I spiraled a bit after I went home. It made me realize I need to be more positive, because I really don't want to lose the friends I talk to and see more regularly. Obviously I can't ignore the shitty things going on in my life, but I think it's important for me to say to myself that I'm doing alright sometimes. That something made me happy or something in the future will make me happy. I can't turn into my mom who, whenever she talks to any friend or relative in her life, only talks about her medical problems or other people's medical problems.

I had a rough year, not gonna lie. I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I had the most severe mental health crisis of my life. Then I had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy. Then Zuko got sick and I started to have burnout/depression spiral/massive uptick in anxiety. Then work got too difficult to handle. Meanwhile I've been struggling with constant exhaustion, increased body image issues, loneliness, bad social anxiety, and the process of re-evaluating my life with the "I probably have autism" lens.

But I can't let this year define me. I can't let negativity and shitty situations define me. I can't have someone I care about think about me and say to themselves "wow she is depressing and all I know about her is that her life sucks." Because at this point? All that old childhood friend and I know about each other is that our lives suck. Literally nothing else.

I need to be more positive. Seriously.

[hughiecampbelle]

hello hello!! hope you're doing well <3 so i saw ships were open again... and i did get one as an anon a while ago, but the format has changed for the 10k so back i am for your amazing writing <3

i'd love to be shipped with someone from the boys!! (i do feel bad requesting for specific characters even though it's incredibly easy to see who i want to smooch in this show. i love them all though and above all love to see authors get creative. go crazy go bonkers. ok with any character but the deep, homelander, stormfront, and firecracker.)

i'm a bi & ace jewish brazilian girl, 1.72m tall, with long, straight, brown hair (that i've always thought about dying but always chickened out of). no tattoos, even though i have a list of which ones i'd get and what do they mean. i'm from brazil but currently go to college in new york, majoring in theatre and minoring in translation. i'm fluent in portuguese and english, learning french, and have the life objective of becoming a polyglot.

i'm in love with theatre, literary analysis, linguistics, music, writing, and art in general — will absolutely ramble about anything i am interested in, and also might have strong opinions on stuff that maybe i didn't need to have a strong opinion on 💀 i can get a bit combative about that at times... i definitely take as my biggest skill, besides singing and acting which are quite literally my intended job (i want to be a musical theatre actress), eloquence and just my way with words (toxic trait is believing i'd talk my way out of a murder fr fr). friends that know me more recently would even say i'm an extrovert because of that, but honestly i am a pile of nerves of an introvert with social anxiety that simply loves yapping and putting on a show. most notable quirk/habit might be how precise i always am with finding the right words because i simply cannot leave an opening for misinterpretation (and that's on anxiety and a suspicion of undiagnosed adhd oops); that might lead me to be a bit picky (for the lack of a better word), specific, and/or literal with the words other people use as well.

other tidbits: i can't cook for shit, i love cats (i have a rescue named lily) but also like dogs a lot, i love kids and have been told i'm good with them. i'm crazy lucky for some reason and i love crime comedy movies. i'm almost always writing or thinking about writing but i can't ever finish a project (and you may have realized by now i write too much). i love arts & crafts & other manual activities, i do knot friendship bracelets to de-stress. my default hangout with anyone ever is grabbing coffee. i'm also pretty proud of my music taste — from alt rock to 40s-50s music, love curating the vibes and i'm a bit of a playlist freak. also i would 100% show brazilian music (mostly rock and mpb, brazilian popular music) to whoever i'm paired with 💥🇧🇷

when it comes to love life oh boy i am a disaster — the two situations i have ever gotten myself into were the objective hottest girl i know and the weirdest guy i've ever come across (and both are my good friends atm). for me doing something creative, like a project together, is the quickest way to bond; and being in cahoots with someone is the deepest form of connection. let's ramble about our interests, be weird together, cause a diplomatic crisis, watch a movie, write something, idk.

this was LOOONG but i hope it's not too much and it gives you plenty of material to write with!! thank you so much for carrying the the boys fandom on your back enna <3

Annie is actually blown away by both your love of and intelligence with languages. She's always trying to learn both Portuguese and French sayings (mostly nicknames/"I love you") to surprise you. She loves the look of joy on your face when you realize what she's trying to say. Her pronunciation could use some work, but it's still very adorable

It melts Annie's heart when she sees you around children. She knows it can be a lot, with kids and their parents running up to her, asking her for pictures, showing off their Starlight costumes. She would understand it got a little exhausting. But you have never minded, instead you ask them questions and make them laugh, telling them they're little superheroes, too

Annie feels like she can truly be herself around you. After all those years with the religious conventions and the time she spent with Vought, she was never allowed to be herself. She couldn't show off her real laugh that's squeaky and high-pitched. She couldn't swear as a teenager or say all the crude jokes she thought of. With you, though, she can let loose. She doesn't have to uphold this image like she's had to her whole life

You and Annie are as equally terrible at cooking. You make a plan to cook together, learning recipes and measurements. Sometimes the food gets burned, or worse, under cooked, and a few times you've had to split it out, wondering where you went wrong? But, overall, it builds your skills together and it makes you feel better about your lack of skills

Annie comes to every show you're in at least three times. She'll bring Hughie and Kimiko first, then M.M. and Frenchie, and the third time she goes along, wanting to see you in your glory, feeling like this moment belongs to her. She shows up with flowers every time and tells you parts and songs she's loved as if you hadn't spent weeks practicing lines and songs with her. She's so proud of you, she can't contain herself. She definitely happy cries at the end when you take your bows!

Want to request a ship?

My love!!!! I hope you like it!!!! :D Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜

[my-memed-tw-adventures]

So I have 3 twst OCs, 2 that have yet to see the light of day. I figured, after much anxiousness, it's about time I actually put them out there. And if y’all have any questions or anything, feel free to throw them at me. I'm happy to try and talk about them lol

Also here’s the picrew I used because I can’t draw ✌️

My Twst OCs Introduction

Mayumi

My Yuu-sona

90% a self insert

Very Gen Z child

Disney child: grew up watching a lot of Disney, knows all the villains in twst, most songs, and can recite a handful of scenes from heart (her favourite is Lion King, followed by my own favourite: Beauty and the Beast)

Horny: this is actually a defining character trait if you can believe it. She saw Malleus walk out of those bushes one night and now won’t shut up about how hot “the bush man” is and how desperately she wants him. She is also down real bad for Leona but we blame that on his severe lack of man tit coverage and the fact that he growls.

She’s usually in desperate need of grass touching

Decently social, but awkward and anxious

What is sleep

Pretty clingy and easily emotionally attached to things and people

Does not get along with Sebek, especially once the whole her desiring Malleus carnally gets out (typical must fight Sebek for Malleus shit)

Has real bad home sickness and crippling separation anxiety from her family and is prone to 3 am panic attacks about being in this random world with seemingly no way back home and the possibilities of dying without ever seeing them again

Exists in the same universe as @my-multi-fandom-blog’s Yuu-sona. Pray for them cause they have to share a room with Mayumi’s endless horniness

Visual

Tiny human child

She’s 5’2 or 158 cm (don’t even talk to me about height difference with Malleus man 🥲)

She’s has medium length dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and has pretty light skin (the lack of sunshine ain’t helping)

Freckles. Not a lot and they’re light, but they’re there

Doesn’t have much fashion sense. If it’s comfortable, it’s going on. She sometimes dresses in rainbow and Vil hates it

She likes to wear t-shirts or crop tops and pretty short shorts. There is no way her ass could ever pass as a boy when she lands in TW like that

Aziza

Leona’s girlfriend

She is a lioness

She’s not a mage. In fact, she really doesn’t use magic at all

She and Leona are childhood friends (their relationship gives heavy Simba Nala vibes)

She’s not royalty, but grew up in his kingdom. Leona being royalty has had a significant impact on her life

Since Leona refused to tell us how he got his scar in canon, I decided to have fun making shit up. Basically both her and Leona went off somewhere dangerous and almost died at like 11 years old, leading to her getting in massive trouble and getting banned from both the castle and Leona for putting him in danger

Leona’s parents don’t like her. They’re pissed she almost got their son killed

Her parents aren’t on the best terms with her either cause they’re mad she fucked their relationship with the royal family. They still get along decently tho

Leona wasn’t taking that ban shit tho so he decided to start sneaking out of the castle to see Aziza. They then spent all their teenage years being friends in secret and then falling in love. They figured out all their feelings just before Leona left for his first year at NRC and they’ve been dating ever since (still in secret cause their parents would not be happy)

They’re both clingy and nap times are good

Leona is soft around her (especially in private) but don’t ever tell that to him cause he will rip your face off

She wants kids. Like really wants kids. And we know how Leona feels about kids sooo. It’s like the one wedge in their relationship

Visual

Obviously being a lioness she’s got the ears and tail

She’s 5’8 or 173 cm with golden eyes

She’s not much lighter than Leona in skin colour, but her hair is much lighter. It’s brown that borders on blonde and is short, straight, and messy.

She has a pretty big scar on her upper back from the near death experience. It’s worse than Leona’s, but easy to hide under clothing

She also has a tattoo that matches Leona’s, just on her opposite arm. They got them together in a teenage rebellion fit

Ariel Thorn

Jade’s girlfriend (eventually)

She’s newer than the other two so there’s a lot more fleshing out to do with her

She is named after the Little Mermaid Ariel, much to her dislike

Her parents are weird cause they don’t particularly like the great seven/villains and whatever (hence being named after Ariel we don’t ask how they know this information we just accept it). This lead to a bit of a rift in their relationship

She’s a mage who attends the NRC sister school (that I decided is a thing now). She is in Octavinelle

As for her personality, I literally had sat down and just thought “Jade’s perfect girlfriend” and went from there

Essentially she’s Jade… but better. She does Jade better than Jade

She comes off as a sweet and caring person that Jade didn’t think anything of when they met first

Turns out she wants to see the world burn just as much as he does but she’s made it so like no one can read her that way unless she wants them to

Jade never even realized she was hiding anything until she basically outed herself to him as this top tier con not even he saw through. And once she revealed her true colours to him, he was genuinely shocked by her ability to fly under his radar and is immediately invested in her

The two of them don’t actually start dating like normal people, even when it’s fucking obvious they like each other. They know, yet choose to communicate and flirt using mind games instead of talking about their feelings properly

It’s essentially a battle to see who’s gonna cave in first really

She’s only oc with a last name just so she and Jade can aggressively call one another by last name with threatening undertones in a not flirty way at all

She’s touchy. But only with Jade. She’s not super into being touched unless it’s Jade and she will absolutely touch him unnecessarily. Like fixing his tie when there was nothing wrong with it just as an excuse to be close and touch him

Visual

Designed by my friend @my-multi-fandom-blog

She’s 5’5 or 165 cm with orange eyes

She has light skin and chin length, straight red hair

When not in her uniform, she definitely prefers to wear tight and/or revealing clothing

Both her and Jade give me sexy, sleek suit and dress vibes. They simply radiate hot and sexy criminal when they're together

Bonus fact: since Floyd and Riddle end up together in our world, both Leech twins end up with a red head. I just think that’s fun. They certainly have a type

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

ive been going through a lot of very difficult and scary things lately and im feeling overwhelmed to the point that its causing me serious distress. im so anxious that my body constantly feels like its on fire and like i need to leave. i can hardly do anything without getting scared to the point of panic attacks. im using my phone less because theres so many things on it that scare me.

im on anxiety meds, but my psychiatrist already upped my dose once and i dont know if she will do it again. i dont know if theres other medications that will work better. i feel like i need more material support from my loved ones but im just not getting it. its like ive been building this mountain of trauma and theres finally been an avalanche and now it feels like im dying.

i have a social worker and a psychiatrist but the company they work for sucks and they dont do much other than tell me things i already know. im just worried that im not going to get the help i need because nobody is willing to give it to me.

i figured maybe youd have some insight, or at least some comforting words or sympathy. i love the way you talk about things so i figured it wouldnt hurt to see if you had anything to say.

I am very sorry to hear that you're struggling so much and I am sending all my love, but this is not a situation I'm able to help you solve.

[ursbearhug]

Back breaking pain diary:

Concept of losing virginity is so fucking funny to me. I've lost a lot of things in my life. I've lost pens, I'm notoriously losing socks that disappear without a trace in a laundry process, I've lost a phone once. But "losing' something means you're unable to find something, have less of something or to not win, doesn't it? Whoops, I've stumbled and now I'm not whole and also pregnant. Has anyone seen my virginity? Hilarious.

It feels some type of way when someone tries to admonish you and prevent you from Big Bad Sickness TM coming from wearing a mask, doing so while smoking a cigarette. ???. Am I the only one unable to make sense of it? I was also completely unable to find reliable and reputable sources on how wearing a mask makes your lungs go to shit. But that's okay. Next time I'm operating on someone's dog, I'll make sure to spit and sneeze right into their open abdomen because I'm afraid of my lungs being sore due to a mask. I'll put out my cigarette on their liver while I'm at it. Just to really put a salt to the wound, if ya know what I mean. "Don't wear a mask! Your lungs will get damaged! Might as well wear dirty underwear!". Nice try but there are gays who are into that and we don't see them dead on the pavements. And I'm willing to bet my arm that more people are dying weekly due to smoking than yearly due to wearing a mask in a public places with shitty ventilation.

I also find it really sad when somebody tells me that they cannot treat other adult person seriously if they're going anywhere with companion. Somebody going to a doctor with their sibling, parent or partner. Actually, partner is excluded for men. Because if a man goes to a doc with his mother, he's big stupid and not worth treating with respect and as an adult. But if man goes to a doc with his wife? Well, all is well on planet Earth. It's only normal we carry our possession with us at all times. Cause you know how women are objects, right? Plus, men are so stupid, how is he supposed to understand what doctor is saying to him? He doesn't know how to take care of himself! He's a man! Men are stupid, duh. Have you ever seen a man cook, use a broom or do the laundry? No, no you didn't because men don't do that. Men work and watch football. Because we can infantilise men to rid them of all guilt and wrong doing. Unless it's a man suffering from social anxiety, then we have to infantilise him in more obnoxious way and treat him like a fucking idiot, and refuse to treat him seriously even if he has similar work experiences. Sure.

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

Jul. 22, 2023

I called Vassilios before I took my ire out on anyone, and I'm glad I did.  The infirmary has taken on a new batch of healers, and they are training on various dreamers.  I was one of the guinea-pigs.  I was told that the dreaming itself went according to plan, but I had unprocessed emotions that rose up and demanded to be processed before anyone could act.  In the climax of my anxiety, I injured myself and jerked awake.  Nobody's fault.

I spent the next day and a half resting and exploring the layout of the grounds.  I told Fortitude that I could teleport just about anywhere in the Dream World, but if asked I likely couldn't find any particular location on a map.

Night before last, I returned from my rounds to face the east wing, where the kitchen and the master quarters are.  Dimitrios had created perhaps the most beautiful pastries I had ever seen, in colors I thought might have emerged from a glassblower's shop rather than a patisserie.  

I felt dirty, wet, and generally out of place for such a gathering, but I accepted a champagne flute and paused to chit-chat with the oneiroi.  I'm not sure if my hesitation to socialize stemmed from my recent issues with bereavement and insecurity... or if I was just feeling underdressed and feeling gross from working.

Regardless, I got to spend a little time looking around, getting my bearings a bit at a time.  The kitchen is almost directly below my quarters, and it's twice as large, I think.  Everything is so much bigger than I imagined it to be, including Dimitrios' pastries!  Each one could fill both hands; the size of a massive hamburger, and filled with what I think was a Swiss creme.

Unfortunately, there were few updates for me.  Vassilios brought me a petition from the prophetic faction to allow Orpheus more unlimited access to the Dream World.  Now that things have calmed down, I stamped the petition with my signet, with a few conditions that I think won't cause too much of a fuss.  The other document was a progress report on Hermes, who seems to be doing pretty well, all things considered.

But it couldn't last.  I went back to the infirmary, and perhaps that was a bad idea.  The dreamlings just don't know how to finish out invasive dreams like the ones I continue having, so I keep waking up early and in pain. 

 Last night, I dreamed W was dying.  I cradled his little-boy body as his breathing slowed, and I was told that it would only be a few minutes.  I rocked him helplessly, trying to keep from creating rug burn on any of his exposed skin.  I know what it was; just a growing compilation of worry for my son and the grief that continues to pile up in my psyche.

I'm not worried that my son will die; I should hope that would be pretty clear.  But if these dreams continue to get worse... I'm pretty sure I won't want to go back to sleep.  I'm not sure what to do at this point.  Fortitude says I can call on anyone I like; Echidna or any of the other three-or-so thousand nightmare siblings.  I miss Phobetor, but I don't want to pressure him into being somewhere he doesn't want to be, or make him feel trapped... all of which I suspect would just end with me getting yelled at again.

Why am I so scared of this?  A former version of me would say it's because I care about him, and I don't want him to be mad at me, but I think that might qualify as a "red flag."  If I'm really that scared of what someone's going to say, then does that mean I should really put trust in that person?

At this point, I'm kind of numb.  I got up at dawn today, like I haven't in awhile, and went to the farmer's market to try and make the best of a bad night.  I came home a little more than an hour later and got back into bed, but I couldn't sleep.  I'm not sure if my chakras are still broken, or I still need to "cry it out" or whatever, but... being under that heavy gray comforter was somehow just what I needed to get through the day.

I'll take Fortitude's advice and reach out to Ikelos, who I have a contract with.  Perhaps he'll be able to help... or maybe he'll have some insight I haven't heard yet.  Either way, I'm going to try to go back to Yiorgos for another massage.  I haven't slept that well in a long time, and I need to make it a regular thing.

[beaujagr]

Copied over from Insta

Just a venty update I guess

Life has not really been easy & 2024 is already pretty mixed. Leading up to the end of the year, I was in a partial inpatient program for a mixed bipolar episode & PTSD, followed by electroconvulsive therapy cut short by a reaction to anesthesia that caused phlebitis & superficial blood clots in my veins in my arms. A biopsy of fibrous tissue in my breast found perivascular dermatitis from swelling I've been experiencing in waves since COVID, but no cause.

I got the flu, & my back went out, but even after rallying, my blood pressure issues that started after I had COVID in 2022 returned with a vengeance, along with increased and spreading swelling of my bust, arms, and now my torso and legs to a thankfully lesser degree. We still don't know what's happening with me, & I don't know how much longer this will continue, or if I'll get better.

This has made it quite difficult to pursue photography, art, social events, & life in general. Electroconvulsive therapy did help, but also changed my cognitive processes in a way that made me have to restart finding coping skills for my OCD, PTSD, bipolar, ADHD, autism, & anxiety. It's not fun being a bucket of acronyms & health issues, & the challenge goes much broader & deeper.

I didn't see much enthusiasm from others about my art or photography before I spent the last year & a half terrified of dying, or of spending the rest of my life unable to do any of the things I love. I spend time with people I care about & I want to keep doing that & more, but I am genuinely afraid of getting sick again, with COVID or otherwise, & the outside world doesn't seem too concerned about whether people like me die or not. Frankly, it doesn't seem like they care whether any part of me lives on - my art, my work, my identity.

I'm fighting & looking for joy & answers. I worked so hard for so long & I'm still struggling, & I feel like I don't matter because I may never be fit, healthy, & consistently productive again & I'm not now. I don't know if I am enough, or how to exist. I'm scared, but I'm here.