#Nov Comp 2024 Side A

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

The Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition was a split competition with the prompts "Bus Driver Eridan" and "Rarepair." For Side A (Bus Driver Eridan), the prompt was to write a fic in which Eridan at some point appears as a member of the working class. Participants had one month to write any fic they liked based on this prompt, and votes were done to determine the awards.

All Fic Submissions and Awards:

dear diary!! by @tehstripe

At the behest of her beloved Nanna, Jade begins documenting the events of her life.

Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Angst Winner of the Eridan Award for Funniest Cameo

The Last Flight of the Toreador by @arealpeople

John Egbert-Crocker, a new face in the Skaia Wrestling Federation thanks to his connections to his sister, CEO Jane Crocker, and his girlfriend, famous heel Vriska Serket (AKA Captain Fang), finds himself struggling to find a way to help his fellow wrestler, and good friend, Tavros Nitram, AKA El Torero Fantasma, not get fired due to poor audience appeal.

Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Action Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Characters Featured

therapist, mother, maid by @dave2olkat

The Petropavlovsk-612 offshore mining platform supplies the fuel used by every ship, station and base in the entire quadrant. Two women work there, sharing the same shift, albeit under the male names Daniil and Yuri.

Winner of the Sollux Award for Best Fic that Combined Prompts Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Drama

wildflower and barley by @dave2olkat

The croached woman had long limbs and harrowing golden eyes. She was on the ground of her pen, sinking her thick white fangs into the carotid artery of one of the cows.

Jadelynn’s survival instincts kicked in, and even if she was no longer in peak physical performance, she hauled ass back to the trailer like her life depended on it.

Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Fluff Winner of the Eridan Award for Fluffiest Cameo Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Overall Romance Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Romantic Cameo

Ma Meilleure Ennemie by @ambrosianlullaby

It is a different kind of love.

It is an appreciation and understanding.

Sotto Voce by @dualitysdownfall

sotto voce - in a quiet voice, as if not to be overheard.

It’s hard being an overachiever with a nitpicking older brother. It’s hard and no one understands.

The exhaustion of not being heard is taking its toll on Karkat, at least until his voice catches the ear of someone else…

Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Fluff

the first few stones are the worst by @toxicchamomile

In which Eridan Ampora is an Uber driver for the two most annoying assholes in the world.

Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Canon Portrayal Winner of the Eridan Award for Best In Comedy Winner of the Eridan Award for Fluffiest Cameo Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Romantic Cameo

Just Another Hemoswap AU by @neapolitangirl

A duel doesn't go as planned. Thousands of sweeps later a rustblood heiress goes on an search for missing treasure.

Christmas Eve Party by Bralsra

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you just woke up feeling like shit.

arachnidsGrip has made a new post! by Bralsra

Vriska writes a post about her day as a troll who ended up on earth a while back, cites Rose's earlier work before getting onto her actual life!

Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Interesting Wagie Reason

damned if yoU do (damned if you don't) by @myusernameisstolen

Callie has always been very mysterious, never saying much about her home life, at least not intentionally. The fact she uses a typing quirk is the only clue to her being a troll. She most recently let slip that she not only lives on Earth, but in Seattle, and given the coincidence that John and the rest of their online friend group are in the city for a convention, he had thought he might be able to convince her to come meet them in a public space, if she was still afraid they might not be who they say they are.

But John is beginning to wonder if maybe what Callie is afraid of isn’t found in the outside world, but much, much closer to home.

Taxi Driver by Bralsra

You're Eridan Ampora. Human, alike everyone else. Taxi driver and man per obligation.

Winner of the Eridan Award for Angstiest Cameo Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Dramatic Cameo Winner of the Eridan Award for Most Violent Cameo

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@dualitysdownfall

Karkat sat sullenly on the curb in front of his house under the darkening sky. The night was clear and silent save for the gentle breeze agitating the leaves on the trees, a tranquil scene that starkly contrasted the atmosphere inside. It was all Karkat could do to storm outside and slam the door in Kankri’s face instead of staying in there and letting his rage boil over. As furious as he was, he didn’t want to stick around and say or do something he’d regret. Stupid fucking Kankri, thinking he was so righteous and perfect all the time. Karkat stewed in his resentment for his brother. Just because Kankri was a few years older than him, just because their father was out of town to give a presentation and left Kankri “in charge”, just because Kankri was so organized and eloquent and perfectionistic didn’t give him the right to be so micromanaging, so snobby, so—so OVERBEARING!

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  Gen

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Sollux Captor & Karkat Vantas

Characters: Sollux Captor, Karkat Vantas

Additional Tags: Humanstuck, Alternate Universe - High School, Singing, Hurt/Comfort, Dancestors as Siblings, Fluff and Angst, rating is only for language reasons

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@tehstripe

nanna told me that it would be a good idea to try and keep a diary! i have never tried something like this before, but nanna is a very smart woman, so i think it is worth a shot o: so hello diary!! my name is jade harley! it is nice to meet you :)

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:  Gen

Fandom: Homestuck

Characters: Jade Harley, Nanna Egbert | Beta Jane Crocker, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Jake English, Eridan Ampora

Additional Tags: many minor characters

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@dave2olkat

You meet with HER one cold morning of late November. It’s the winter season on the hemisphere where the offshore mining platform is located. The brutalist metal structure rises from the waves as one of the few examples of complex civilization on the entire planet. You’re here to mine for toplivo rust, the petroleum oil of the 24th century. This is a state owned enterprise, as is every enterprise.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/F, Other

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Jane Crocker/Damara Megido, Jane Crocker/Jake English/Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider, Eridan Ampora & Jane Crocker

Characters: Jane Crocker, Damara Megido, Eridan Ampora

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Soviet Union, Alternate Universe - Russia, Humanstuck, Butch Jane Crocker, Trans Jane Crocker, She/Her and He/Him Pronouns for Jane Crocker, Bisexuality, Polyamory, Femslash, Inspired by 'Monstrous Regiment' by Terry Pratchet, Butch/Butch, Bigender Jane Crocker, Parenthood, Friends to Lovers, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Trans Male Eridan Ampora, LGBTQ Themes

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. It also participated in Side B: Rarepair.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

Bralsra

You're Eridan Ampora. Human, alike everyone else. Taxi driver and man per obligation. Your dad forced you to become a taxi driver and put you through hours of filling out paperwork over you crashing Cronus' car. Even if the details of what happened that night is fuzzy, all you remember is that the juice he gave you was a bit too salty, you still think this punishment is bullshit. You don't need to be picking up people in the middle of the night. You don't need to be sober this late. But he forced you to be. You were forced to be many things actually. Tangent aside, you just saw a fair lady standing by the pier whistling for you. She's going to be the last client for tonight, at least that's what you so assume.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: Major Character Death

Category:  Gen

Fandom: Homestuck

Characters: Eridan Ampora, John Egbert, Vriska Serket, Feferi Peixes, Sollux Captor

Additional Tags: implied june/dave, implied vriska/terezi, Trans Vriska Serket, POV Second Person, POV Eridan Ampora, Trans Female John Egbert, Trans Female Vriska Serket, Trans Female Eridan Ampora, Murder-Suicide, Humanstuck

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@arealpeople

Horse! Power! Horse! Power! Horse! Power! The crowd's cheers swell with ecstasy. The arena lights blind you, and Equius's fingers dig into your sides as you're paraded around the ring, held over his head like a sack of flour. You do your best to keep your body stiff for his sake, but it's not like he needs it. You find yourself grateful for his ludicrous strength every time you're in the ring with him. You'd much rather be up here, than down on the mat with Nepeta. That girl just moves too fast to keep up with, and you don't trust your shoulder flexibility to sell any of her ridiculous signature holds without actually dislocating. Equius gives you a prompting jostle, letting you know he's about to start the finisher.

Chapters: 3/?

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/M, Gen

Fandom: Homestuck, Professional Wrestling

Relationships: John Egbert/Vriska Serket, John Egbert & Tavros Nitram, John Egbert & Rose Lalonde, Calliope/Roxy Lalonde

Characters: John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Nepeta Leijon, Kanaya Maryam, Vriska Serket, Equius Zahhak, Eridan Ampora, Calliope (Homestuck), Jake English, Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Wrestling, Trans Male Roxy Lalonde, eridan cameo, POV John Egbert, Humanstuck

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@dave2olkat

There are very few things that can surprise Jadelynn Bailey-English anymore. Watching the world be destroyed will do that to ya. The last time she was pleasantly surprised was 8 years ago when she caught her twig of a granddaughter in the middle of a roll-in-the-hay with the stable hand she hired to clean the cowdung off her pen. That arrogant lass she found after 4 weeks of her stealing her verdure off her property. When she found Miss Ampora doing that she was still a lad, back then, with broken glasses held together with lots and lots of tape. The poor thing had nearly shat herself when she’d seen the burly woman with the mane of dark gray hair holding a shotgun to her face.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/F

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Grandma English | Alpha Jade Harley/The Dolorosa, Eridan Ampora/Jake English

Characters: Grandma English | Alpha Jade Harley, The Dolorosa (Homestuck), Eridan Ampora, Jake English, Orphaner Dualscar

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Solarpunk, Putting the Age in Cottagecore, Love At First Gunshot, Femslash, Kind Old Woman, Lesbians, Trans Female Alpha Jade Harley, Trans Female Eridan Ampora, Trans Female Jake English, Trans Female Character, Trans Character, Undead Creature, Unethical Experimentation, Slavery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Healing and Recovery

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. It also participated in Side B: Rarepair.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@neapolitangirl

The shrieks of the recuperbouys wakes you from your ill-timed slumber. 「Great.」 you think.  「Just what y0u needed.」 「M0re.」 「Fucking.」 「W0rk.」

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  Gen

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Sollux Captor & Aradia Megido

Characters: Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor, Terezi Pyrope, Eridan Ampora, Vriska Serket

Additional Tags: Hemospectrum Shift, Alternate Universe - No Game, light aradisol, Lovecraftian Shenanigans, Terezi Pyrope Isn't Blind, Aradia Megido Lives

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@toxicchamomile

DAVE: and so thats why i quit watching baseball DAVE: too many sweats DAVE: everyone expects you to know every rule of the sport like damn leave me alone sorry i thought a home run was a football thing DAVE: are we tackling or pitching?? theres really no say in sports these days DAVE: and then the sports where youre not supposed to do either everyone gets mad at you for not doing it DAVE: guys who watch sports are fucking freaks too like why are you screaming at your television screen DAVE: calm down dude DAVE: smoke some weed or something DAVE: hey are you listening it feels like youre not listening

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor/Dave Strider

Characters: Eridan Ampora, Sollux Captor, Dave Strider

Additional Tags: Uber, Driving, So much driving, eridan ampora is broke, Drinking, Bars, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Title from a Modern Baseball Song

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. It also participated in Side B: Rarepair.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@myusernameisstolen

[EB]: lol you sure? you don’t want me to get you anything from starbucks? i could be just down the street for all you know! [UU]: haha, yes, qUite! [UU]: bUt i am serioUs, john. i cannot tell yoU where i live.

Chapters: 1/5

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Calliope/John Egbert, Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, Gamzee Makara/Doc Scratch

Characters: John Egbert, Calliope (Homestuck), Eridan Ampora, Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker, Gamzee Makara, Doc Scratch (Homestuck)

Additional Tags: Tags May Change, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Action & Romance, Heist, Rescue Missions, Alternate Universe, Trolls on Earth (Homestuck), Rare Pairings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Comedy, Background Eridan Ampora, Human Doc Scratch, Doc Scratch Being an Asshole (Homestuck), Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Captivity, Past Child Abuse, Established Relationship, Online Dating, Online Romance, big dumb romantic gestures

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. It also participated in Side B: Rarepair.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

Bralsra

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you just woke up feeling like shit. Which is quite suprising considering you aren't hungover, as you didn't drink a single drop of alcohol for over a whole month. You're about to break that, though. You're going to a Christmas Eve party. Of course, you don't celebrate Christmas. But you have no Hanukkah plans for tomorrow and—shit, it's hard to make an excuse for yourself while Ke$ha blares out of your phone's alarm.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/F

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde/Porrim Maryam

Characters: Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker, Porrim Maryam, Meenah Peixes, Cronus Ampora, Horuss Zahhak, Aranea Serket, Eridan Ampora

Additional Tags: Trans Female Roxy Lalonde, Trans Female Porrim Maryam, Transphobia, Antisemitism, implied roofies, Meta Narrative Shenanigans, Humanstuck

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. It also participated in Side B: Rarepair.

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

Bralsra

I haven't written a 8log post in loooooooong while, and I wonder if any of my old readers still read this. :::;P For context, I'm Vriska Serket. And if that name doesn't ring any 8ells, you pro8a8ly didn't watch the news at all for the last few decades, 8ut I'm one of those aliens that ended up on earth a while 8ack. If you have no clue what I'm talking a8out, I'll attach a 8log post 8y Ms. Rose Lalonde. She wrote a8out it 8ack when she was a little over 7 sweeps old, which is quite impressive.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:  F/F, F/M

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket

Characters: Vriska Serket, Rose Lalonde, John Egbert, Dave Strider, Terezi Pyrope, Equius Zahhak, Eridan Ampora

Additional Tags: A Bunch Of Trolls Got Mentioned Only Once So I'm Not Mentioning Everyone, Minor John Egbert/Dave Strider, Implied Vriska/Terezi/Equius At The End, Alternate Universe - Trolls End On Earth Due To Meteor Stuffs, mostly comedic, Formatted Like A Blog Post (?), None Of These Are Canon Tags Sorry

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@ambrosianlullaby

Your mother’s voice echoes within the confines of your skull every chance it gets; especially on nights like these. The kind of nights where you are the loveliest lady at the party, and men can not help but stare. You have never had anything against the eyes. Truly, you prefer that they stare to take in your pale complexion, and the dark purple of your lipstick that borders black, as opposed to starting a conversation that drags on endlessly and without purpose. You have a sort of look but do not touch mentality when it comes to these events.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/M

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider & Roxy's Mom | Alpha Rose Lalonde, Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider/Roxy's Mom | Alpha Rose Lalonde

Characters: Roxy's Mom | Alpha Rose Lalonde, Eridan Ampora, Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider, Feferi Peixes

Additional Tags: Français | French, Alternate Universe - 1920s, Queerplatonic Relationships, Beards (Relationships), Bisexual Male Character, Lesbian Character

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side A: Bus Driver Eridan. 

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@manifestmerlin

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are currently wheeling a whiteboard in front of your rumpusblock TV. Out of everything you needed here for this meeting, the whiteboard was definitely the easiest one to wrangle, and you didn’t even own one before this. “This meeting could have been a memo.” Dave groans on your couch, stretching out over it in his pajamas. Unlike you he didn’t want to get changed after breakfast for this. “Wow, thanks for that, imagining having this conversation over text was so terrible I’m actually looking forward to this now. Once again you do the impossible.” Davesprite says neutrally. He’s bent over the back of the couch, on the end opposite Dave’s head. His orange feathered spritetail Is swishing back and forth, and his wings are tucked against his back as he props his head up on his fist. His sword is over on the kitchen counter instead of through his chest.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  M/M, Multi

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Davesprite/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Davesprite/Karkat Vantas, Davesprite/Dave Strider, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas

Characters: Davesprite (Homestuck), Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Other Characters Mentioned

Additional Tags: Quadrant Confusion, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Flushed Romance | Matesprits

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side B: Rarepair. 

Awards:

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

The Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition was a split competition with the prompts "Bus Driver Eridan" and "Rarepair." For Side B (Rarepair), the prompt was to write a fic which included a pairing that had less than 5 works tagged for them on AO3. Participants had one month to write any fic they liked based on this prompt, and votes were done to determine the awards.

All Fic Submissions and Awards:

therapist, mother, maid by @dave2olkat

The Petropavlovsk-612 offshore mining platform supplies the fuel used by every ship, station and base in the entire quadrant. Two women work there, sharing the same shift, albeit under the male names Daniil and Yuri.

Winner of the Calliope Award for Most Interesting AU/Headcanon Winner of the Vriska Award for Best in Melodrama

wildflower and barley by @dave2olkat

The croached woman had long limbs and harrowing golden eyes. She was on the ground of her pen, sinking her thick white fangs into the carotid artery of one of the cows.

Jadelynn’s survival instincts kicked in, and even if she was no longer in peak physical performance, she hauled ass back to the trailer like her life depended on it.

Winner of the Feferi Award for Sweetest Romance Winner of the Granrosa Award for Made Me Ship It

the first few stones are the worst by @toxicchamomile

In which Eridan Ampora is an Uber driver for the two most annoying assholes in the world.

Winner of the Gamzee Award for Best in Comedy

Two's A Couple, Three Needs A Chart To Hash Out by @manifestmerlin

Karkat Vantas is the only one who thinks they should figure out this shit ahead of time, and his boyfriends just want to jump into it.

Winner of the Caliborn Award for Makes Most Canon Sense Winner of the Deuce Award for Best in Auspiticism Winner of the Droog Award for Best in Moiralleigience Winner of the Karkat Award for Best Smeared Quadrants

The Conqueror Yaldabaoth by @neapolitangirl

In the ring of the Dark Carnival, two princes duel for the future of the afterlife.

Winner of the Equius Award for Best in Action Winner of the Meulin Award for Most Tragic Romance Winner of the Vriska Award for Best in Melodrama

Open Waters by @tehstripe

When Marquise Spinneret Mindfang learned of her eventual fate - to be romanced by a troll who would learn to fly, who would eventually be the man to kill her - she did what any self-respecting pirate would do.

She hijacked one of the seadweller vessels that could traverse both oceans and solar systems, and she got the hell out of dodge.

Winner of the Droog Award for Best in Moiralleigience

A Loony Tunes Ass Sequence of Events by @jellysmudge

When Dave runs off to the Egberts' in a petulant rage, Bro has to go get him, and deal with the man who answer's the Egberts' front door.

Christmas Eve Party by Bralsra

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you just woke up feeling like shit.

Winner of the Vriska Award for Best in Melodrama

Taking a Pointed Feathered Projectile to the Angular Joint Cover by @orangestorapples

Her Honorable Tyranny Neophyte Redglare's palmhusk has been fucked with. This is only the most recent of a very long series of attempts to make her life hard. She has decided it's time to confront the perpetrator.

Winner of the Spades Slick Award for Best in Kismesissitude

Cronus is a perv; the fic by Bralsra

Cronus negs Jade. It doesn't end well.

Winner of the Cronus Award for Crackiest Ship

damned if yoU do (damned if you don't) by @myusernameisstolen

Callie has always been very mysterious, never saying much about her home life, at least not intentionally. The fact she uses a typing quirk is the only clue to her being a troll. She most recently let slip that she not only lives on Earth, but in Seattle, and given the coincidence that John and the rest of their online friend group are in the city for a convention, he had thought he might be able to convince her to come meet them in a public space, if she was still afraid they might not be who they say they are.

But John is beginning to wonder if maybe what Callie is afraid of isn’t found in the outside world, but much, much closer to home.

Winner of the Vriska Award for Best in Melodrama

An Important Question by @aspen1185

In which John Crocker asks his partners if they think they found each other in every universe. It's a universally agreed upon answer.

The Mom Award for Best in Human Romance

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@orangestorapples

Neophyte Redglare’s palmhusk has been fucked with. And she knows who did it, because there is only one pitch-tease, cullbait, offspring of a barkbeast who would do some petty hoofbeastmanure like this. One of her more recent acquisitions, a political prisoner turned slave, one “Damien Stridr” (name legally changed, of course, because Alternian systems cannot recognise names if they do not strictly contain six letters.) This is not the first instance of his being a pain in the ass. He's been doing his damndest to make her life hard ever since she was saddled with the mutant prick. Why did she think it would be a good idea to volunteer to take him when the Grand Highblood said he was up for grabs? Sure, his eyes certainly were… interesting, they're the same mutant red as his, at least that's from the little she's heard about him. And he could speak Alternian to a degree. Human “vocal cords” aren't the right shape to produce the same subtleties as a troll's chitinous windhole, so it makes him sound incredibly deadpan with a terrible accent every time he says something, but damn can he speak Alternian. It was weird. She wanted to know why. Her hubris landed her with this asshat, and it is driving her crazy because HUMANS DON'T DO PITCH.

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:  F/M

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider/Neophyte Redglare

Characters: Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider, Neophyte Redglare

Additional Tags: Unrequited Kismesissitude, Thats not just rare, Not only is it raw, Its still fucking mooing, EAT MY ASS AO3 HOMESTUCKS THIS TAG IS MINE!

An entrant in the Homestuck Fan Author Coalition's November 2024 Competition Side B: Rarepair. 

Awards: