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jadewritesficshere · 3 months ago

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Would you rather

Eddie Munson x Reader

Synopsis: Eddie asks you a question late in the night (<1k words)

Contains: reader is not gendered, hypothetical questions, discussions of sex and oral sex (there is a reference to messy sex, specifically spit, but only one line and not in detail), clowns

18+only

You're laying on your side staring at the wall when his voice pierces the quiet. "Are you awake?" Eddie whispers in the dark. It's almost 2am. The last remnants of weed in your system should have made it easy to fall asleep, but not tonight. You roll onto your back and look over at him," Yeah?"

Eddie shuffles in the bed closer to you," Got a question." Eddie's hand lightly touches your arm, taps it a few times as if to make sure you were there, before retreating. His hand lays next to you, close enough you can feel the warmth. "It's pretty serious." He mumbles.

You can feel your heart beat faster. A pretty serious question could mean anything. Maybe it's about the Upside Down, maybe about your future togeth-

"Would you rather be considered the world's best kisser but be terrible at sex, or be the best at sex but a terrible kisser?"

You pause for a moment.

"That's your question?" You shake your head smiling. The bed shifts as Eddie presses his face into his pillow as if to hide," Nevermind, it's dum-" "It's not dumb! I'm just thinking." Your hand grasps his, squeezing it lightly. "Do i have time to make a pros and cons list?"

"Gut instinct." Eddie pokes at your side and you slap his hand away. "Clarification, does oral count as sex or kissing?" "Hmm," Eddie's brow furrows," I mean it's called oral sex right? So that implies sex."

"Oh then a terrible kisser and good at sex. Good for you and me right? Besides, what's a terrible kiss? A lil messy? You like that-" "Okay shut up!" Eddie slaps you with his pillow causing you to chuckle. Eddie shakes his head before returning his pillow to where it was.

"Now you get to ask one." Eddie's fingers tap out a rhythm against your interlocked hand. You hum, thinking deeply,"Would you love me if I was a worm?" "Thats not a would you rather!" "Okay, would you love me if I was a worm rather then a human."

"That's not- that isn't," Eddie laughs," Okay sure, uh, are you a human sized worm or a regular worm?" "Worm sized." "Do you keep your ass?" You both giggle at the imagery.

"Imagine a worm with just a huge ass," you gasp out," Do worms even have asses?" You both continue to giggle quietly, the bed shaking slightly from your laughter.

"Yeah. I would still love you. I just wake up one day and you've turned into a worm? No, yeah of course I'd still love you. Then I'd go and find the witch that cursed you. I'd galavant through the trees, singing songs of your beauty and our love. Once I find the witch, I'd fall to my knees and beg for them to turn you back." Eddie rambles on, weaving a magical tale of adventure.

"Where am I in all this?" You ask kicking his shin lightly. Eddie traps your leg in his," In my pocket. I'll knit you a little blanket. Wrap it around you. Make you a lil bed and-" You gasp," Like Slimey?" "Like Slimey." Eddie agrees shifting closer to you.

Your eyes have adjusted well to the darkness. You can see his hair going every direction. His lips are slightly chapped but still kissable. His tank top has shifted, showing off a scandalous amount of skin, tattoos, sparse chest hair, and his nipple.

"Would you rather fuck a clown or a mime?" Eddie whispers. "I already fuck a clown i fuck you." You bite your lip to hold back your laughter

Eddie's shocked gasp has you that laughter escaping. "That's it! We're done!" Eddie jokingly pushes away from you as you protest with an "I'm kidding!".

You scoot closer, grasping onto his bicep. You kiss his cheek and continue to murmur apologies. Eddie sighs loudly as he wraps his arms around you. "Calling me a clown," Eddie makes a noise of disgust whilst shaking his head.

Your laughter settles as you gaze into Eddie's eyes. Your noses are almost touching. You can feel the warm exhale of his breath against your face. Eddie kisses you lightly before looking imploringly into your eyes," No, but which would you rather fuck?"

You pause a moment to think. A grin starts to spread across your face," All I can imagine is you go to grab a clown's ass and it just makes one of those squeaky horn noises." Eddie giggles and then mimicks the noise, lightly grabbing your ass.

For whatever reason, it sets you both off laughing. Maybe it's the imagery. Maybe it's the fact that it's 2 am and you both are sleep deprived. Maybe it's the fact you both feel safe and comfortable to be yourself around each other. Maybe it's the leftover weed in your systems.

"Imagine-" Eddie wheezes on a laugh," you go to remove the underwear and as you remove it- wheeze- more just keeps coming. Like those handkerchiefs that never end." The laughter in the room grows louder.

You can feel Eddie's body shake with laughter as he holds you close. Your eyes well up with tears as you imagine Eddie doing a sexy lil dance, removing a pair of underwear from under his skirt, and more keep coming as he said.

A banging on the door causes you both to jump. "Will you two shut up, some of us are trying to sleep!" Steve's grumpy, sleep-addled voice breaks through the silence. "Sorry!" Eddie calls bashful. "Waking me up...got an early shift...need my beauty sleep..fucking fools..." Steve mutters, footsteps sounding as he walks away.

"I think he means fucking clowns." You whisper in Eddie's ear. A fit of giggles fills the air again as you lay in each other's arms.

#Inspired by the hypothetical which would you rather sleep with a clown or a mime that woke me up in the middle of the night #Not quite sure what I was dreaming about but then I burst into laughter thinking about this and Eddie #If you can't be a lil silly with your love then who can you be silly with #Also yes Eddie wears skirts I dont make the rules (I do them are the rules)#What would your answers be and do yall have any good hypothetical would you rathers #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson x y/n #Eddie Munson/you #Eddie Munson/reader #Jade is Talking

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justporo · 1 year ago

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A Night of Song and Laughter (Part 6)

In which Astarion basically says "Murder is okay, but it's not okay to disrespect my wife". A lot of swearing in this one, be warned - also Astarion's bares his claws.

So - ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER ONE?? I'm honestly so tired, at the moment, it's doing my job at day, being a fanfic writer and servant to the fandom at night. Which results in poor sleep schedule and eating habits. Didn't even get to keep playing for a few days. But I love all the things happening, all the content people create and people liking my content as well - after all I am just as prone to flattery as Astarion is.

Also I should make a post where I will link all chapters - I will do that probably tonight or tomorrow - depending on how quick writing the next part will be.

You know the drill by now, you can already continue reading on AO3!

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Gif from here!)

Astarion quickly made to take everyone’s drink orders. When Daegin opted to get off his stool and get himself another beer and almost fell off it, Eodin just about caught him and convinced him to take a round of water. So the dwarf complained and made to rest his head on the table.

Before Astarion left for the bar he threw a quick questioning glance at you, with it asking if it would be okay to leave you for a few moments. You nodded slightly and smiled reassuringly at him but in fact you were dreading to be alone with these people even though they were your friends.

When Lira offered to go with him to help carry everything your heart sank even deeper. Closing your eyes for a short moment, you steeled yourself for the words that would definitely be had once Astarion and Lira would be out of earshot. At least they would think that, when you were pretty sure Astarion would use every one of his heightened vampiric and elven senses to not miss a single word.

When you opened your eyes again you saw how Lira practically beamed at Astarion who was much taller than her. She didn’t even reach his shoulders. Lira had always been your closest friend in the group, she was truly a sweetheart – you had wondered how she did make such a formidable thief though since she seemed so honest and soft. You were more than sure Astarion already had a place in her heart, and she would use the moments she had to completely obliterate the vampire with many more questions about him and your relationship. The thought made you smile.

Astarion swiftly and elegantly managed to navigate through the now much bigger crowd to the bar while making sure the much smaller half-elf wasn’t pushed over by anyone in the pretty drunk crowd. You could barely make a step without bumping into people, so he softly touched her shoulder, kept his hand there lightly and motioned her to walk in front of him, so she wouldn’t be elbowed in the face by accident. She was completely oblivious to his show of polite chivalry since she had started bombarding him with questions about himself and Tav.

“Have you been together long? Did you save her like a hero on a white horse and she inevitably fell for you? Wait, you said, she saved you, what happened? Are you staying in Baldur’s Gate? We have to meet again some time, I need to know absolutely everything. You two are such a beautiful couple, Gods, you would have gorgeous babies! Does she make you happy? She seems so happy, I’ve never seen her this happy, you have to take good care of her for me, promise?” Astarion kept softly nudging her to get her to move to the bar while she basically kept walking backwards and blabbering. Since he was also trying to focus on the conversation that no doubt was going on at the table he had just left, he only gave pretty short answers to Lira: “A few months now. Once or twice, no horse needed though, they bite too much for my liking. Much longer story. We are. I’m sure we can. Uhm, thank you.” But the last few things Lira had said and asked made Astarion focus entirely on her. He looked at her expecting face and replied: “She makes me very happy and in a way, I didn’t think I could ever feel. And if I truly make her only a fraction as happy as she’s made me, I can be considered the luckiest man in all of Baldur’s Gate, nay, Faerun. And I’ll promise you I will do anything I can to keep her happy and safe as long as she’ll want me by her side.” The sudden change in tone and sincerity in his words stopped Lira in her rambling. “Wow”, she simply whispered silently and looked at Astarion. Then she suddenly jumped to give him a quick hug. Astarion almost made to step out of reach before her arms went around his waist, but he let it happen. The concept of hugging was still pretty new to him, except with you of course. And since he didn’t quite know how to react correctly in such a situation, he just kind of went to awkwardly pat the adorable half-elf on the back. This was still new, but he was pretty sure that it was nice and warmth filled his chest.

Lira let go off him, seemingly also surprised by her sudden outburst: “Sorry… I’m just so happy for her… and for you too!” She smiled warmly then turned around, since they were finally at the bar. “Soooo – I am certainly invited to the wedding, am I not? Can I be Tav’s Maid of Honor?” Astarion would have probably blushed would that have been possible for him. Did anyone ever make him this flustered in a matter of hours since meeting? Well, you probably, but other than that? He was released from questioning though when the barmaid came over and took their order. As they waited, Astarion decided he definitely liked this one of your friends and decided to be his best polite and interested self and asked Lira to tell him about herself.

You watched the two of them wander off into the crowd. Then you remembered the two rather grim faces in front of you and the one, that was already much too drunk to actually really notice anything.

Eodin had crossed the arms over his chest again, dropping the façade completely: “You have some nerve, Tav.” His tone was bitter. You see Miyena’s lip slightly curve into a smirk. “You disappear for months, leave us with a load of jobs, we can’t finish because we need your goddamn elven ass, since you are the best with sleight of hand and all. Which made us not only miss out on said jobs but also caused us to lose most of our clients, because now we seem to be the most unreliable band of thieves this city has ever seen! And then you reappear with this fucking elven twink and basically let him take you right on the fucking table like a slut!”, Eodin’s voice rises more and more during his rant while Miyena’s malicious smirk grows bigger. At least you can tell who it was who spewed so much venom into his ear. Daegin didn’t seem to react even though Eodin was practically shouting, in fact, you could hear some soft snoring.

You are completely dumbstruck. Had you expected a verbal ass-whooping? Absolutely! Had you expected this? Absolutely not! The feelings of guilt you had for abandoning your friends albeit there hadn’t been anything you could’ve done about this vanished in an instant. His words were pure venom and you could feel rage slowly rear inside you. Being angry about all of this was the one thing but it was the way he said it, especially with the intonation of your and Astarion’s elven heritage and calling you a slut? You were done with the niceties and you started to feel murderous.

You sucked on your teeth and mimicked Eodin’s aggressive stance, looked him straight in the eyes and asked: “Mind telling me, what exactly changed in the past months I wasn’t here? I get being angry and wanting an explanation. What I don’t get is you insulting me and Astarion – who you’ve never met before today, might I add – making a scene here in front of everyone and especially, what specifically makes this about me being an elf?” You saw how Miyena side-eyed him and raised an expectant eyebrow. “And you certainly didn’t think of me as slut, when I jerked you off and you were too drunk to get it up properly! You disgust me!” He winced at the mention of this particularly embarrassing night you had shared, which incidentally had been the last. You were disgusted by the memory. Bile was raising in your throat, making you gag – why did you ever think this guy deserved you at all?

“Well, I thought you weren’t like them – all fleeting attention, mysteries, riddles. I thought I knew you, Tav, I thought you were my friend… and I even thought you were more for some time. I thought you were one of us, so sweet and nice… So… indeed, Tav, what has changed?” You couldn’t believe your ears. Never had your elven heritage made any difference at all, especially since you’d grown up on the city streets and hadn’t had the comfort of a sheltered childhood far off in the woods in some elven enclave. His words hurt. You might’ve never seen him in the way he once wanted you, but he had been a close friend, an understanding friend. This angry and obviously jealous side was not only new but disgusting to you. Your eyes wandered over to Miyena who was still smirking. “Well, for starters”, you said “thinking really ever wasn’t your strong suit. You should leave that to the others. Ah, but seems you already handed that duty over to Miyena here.” You turned to the tiefling and threw her a death glare: “Don’t think I don’t see how you’ve been smirking and side-eyeing Eodin the whole time, you bitch. You always wanted everything for yourself. Go ahead, you can have him, his limp-dick and all loot and coin you get from your jobs, I don’t care.” The tiefling woman looked ready to throw daggers at you. Eodin opened his mouth, now having at least the decency to look the slightest bit guilty, but you lifted your hand before he could speak and continued: “If all it takes for you to turn against me and discriminate me is being away for a few months, then consider everything – our work friendship, our work arrangement – separated. You were always very impressionable, but never would I have thought you were so easy to turn into a hot toxic pile of garbage. Go right on with Miyena, but be careful, she was already eyeing Astarion, because she always wants what others have.” And with that you ended your spiteful little speech.

The man and the tiefling looked at each other for a second, then continued to stare angrily at you. A year back, you ‘d never would have called them out on their bullshit, you had indeed changed. Back then you would have eaten up the shame and would have given in to your strong people-pleasing tendency. But you were done taking the world’s and everyone’s shit and be thankful for mere scraps they threw you, you deserved better than this – something your vampiric soulmate had taught you. “Now, you can fuck off or you can stay and be nice for the night because I don’t want to spoil the evening for Lira and Daegin”, you added when neither of them said anything.

This suddenly seemed to get Miyena and Eodin out of their stupor. Miyena simply hissed at you, when Eodin spat: “Why don’t you fuck off, you and that arrogant elven prick. Who is he really anyway, did you sell yourself off to him as a plaything or mistress or something? You don’t belong…”

A glint of silver and there was a blade at each Miyena’s and Eodin’s throat. Astarion was standing impossibly close behind them both, his arms around each of their shoulders. He’d masterfully had sneaked up behind them. To others, it would have looked simply like a drunken hug from afar – only the two daggers pressing against their necks were distracting from that. “I’d advise you to hold very still or you’ll find out exactly how prickly I can be”, Astarion whispered to them in a voice that was actually rather made for candle light and dark bedrooms, his red eyes were glinting with fury. The tiefling slightly hissed at him but tensed, Eodin just whimpered.

“Now, I really did not appreciate your tone and how you spoke to my partner. But seeing as I was enjoying myself so much tonight, I’m giving you one more chance. You can be nice little puppies now and be polite and graceful for the rest of the evening. And after tonight I never want to see a shred of you again”, he whispered to them hoarsely, his mouth wandering from Eodin’s ear to Miyena’s and back again. The daggers pressed slightly harder against their throats now.

“Or”, Astarion drawled and smiled wickedly “you can fuck off right now, just as my lovely lady here proposed. Choose as you wish but behave or I will splatter you all over the walls.” You swallowed hard, did he have to be this threatening and with that tone in his voice. In a very twisted way, you enjoyed what was happening way too much. Gods, you loved when Astarion became all protective. And something wild and dark in you enjoyed his threatening, predatory demeanor. The softest gasp left your mouth and you squeezed your thighs together – hard. This was not the time to get aroused. Astarion heard though and his eyebrow shot up, his eyes flicking to yours for a split second and his signature smirk found its way back on his lips.

“What will it be now?”, he then whispered to his two captives again “I wouldn’t want to end the night in bloodshed – well, maybe a little.” He grinned baring his fangs and licked over his lips slowly. Eodin turned completely pale and Miyena’s eyes widened.

“Go… let us go”, the man whispered and started to struggle against Astarion’s hold while trying to not get knicked by the knife at his throat.

“Then have it your way”, Astarion sneered and in one swift movement withdrew his daggers, turned them around and pushed them off into the crowd - hard. They stumbled away, bumping into the people around them but quickly made their way away from you.

Astarion rolled his shoulders and sighed dramatically, then looked at you grinning: “Ah, darling, so good to be alone with you again, don’t you think?” His eyes wandered down your body and he licked his lips again. “Nothing like a little drama and knife play to spice up the night, am I right?” His red eyes turned even darker with an impossible hunger shining in them. You gulped, Daegin snored.

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