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mistycreativelilacs · 6 months ago

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Can you please write a Bruce Wayne imagine where he catches her singing or something cute like that?

Welp… it only took me -checks watch- three years to respond to this, but uh… here’s a 5000 word drabble I guess.

Kitchen Off Limits

About a year into living at Wayne manor you enacted an (ever growing) list of rules. Originally the list only had three rules on it:

1. Sunday is family day. Baring any Gotham destroying/world ending catastrophes everyone is to be in the dinning room no later than 11am for brunch followed by a previously voted on family activity.

2. Family Activity planning occurs on the first Saturday of the month, activities for the whole month will be decided then.*

*Attendance is NOT mandatory, however those who do not participate do not get to complain when we spend 3 Sundays in a row at the zoo.**

**No liberating animals from the zoo.

3. Monday thru Saturday the kitchen belongs to Alfred. Sunday morning’s the kitchen belongs to Mom*.

*That means no one, not even Alfred can enter the kitchen until AFTER brunch**.

**Yes Tim that includes you. You can wait for your morning cup of coffee***.

***ABSOLUTELY NO coffee pots, mini fridges, microwaves, blenders, hot plates, or dry food storage in your bedrooms or you WILL be personally hunting down every rodent and bug that comes crawling into the manor****.

****You can NOT train an army of cats to hunt vermin as a trade off for a mini fridge.

Certain amendments had to be made to the list with each new addition to the household. The final amendment to rule three inspired the creation of its own rule.

243. If you bring a pet into the house, YOU must personally care for it at all times. This includes feeding, grooming, walking, training and cleaning up after them as well as insure they have a proper habitat to live in*.

*Your bedroom is only a proper habitat for regular domestic animals (ie. dogs, cats, fish, small reptiles, small birds, caged rodents such as rats, Guinea pigs or hamsters and snakes, within reason - no large pythons). Large animals whether native to our region or exotic must be housed in a properly built enclosure on the grounds.

Needles to say the Wayne children kept you on your toes. Which brings us to now.

You awoke at the crack of dawn this morning to prep for the day. In a not so shocking twist, Damien had lied, cheated and outright bribed several of his siblings in order to get a zoo trip in this month. The Waynes were such regulars at the zoo (and contributed so much in donations) that they’d named an entire section after the family. The Wayne Reptile House (filled to the brim with several of the reptiles you’d ‘rescued’ from Damien’s room upon Alfred’s discovery of Damien’s unsanctioned renovation of his closet). It was important to you that the children experienced even just a smidge of normalcy amongst all the vigilantism.

You’re staring into the pantry, debating whether to do pancakes or waffles, when an old favourite song comes on the speaker. This was your favourite part of Sunday’s. Once everyone realized how serious you were about the rules, Sunday morning had become your alone time. If the kids were fighting, they handled it amongst themselves. If someone had a question, they went to Bruce or Alfred for answers. Mom was not to be disturbed.

The word Mom still brings a small smile to your face. You’d never really pictured yourself as a mother but when you’d stumbled your way into a romance with THE Bruce Wayne, he’d already gained 2 of your ever growing hoard of children. You’d stumbled your way into motherhood much the way you stumbled into Bruce’s arms.

You begin to softly hum to the song as you decide to just make pancakes and waffles. With a family full of crime fighters more was always the safer option. No one wants a repeat of Tim and Richard’s destructive fight for the last cinnamon bun. You had to spend a fortune redoing the dinning room after, replacing antiques was not cheap, and your heart still hadn’t recovered from the sticker shock. Needless to say the boys were still working off their debt by assisting Alfred in the daily runnings of the manor. As you got lost in the gargantuan undertaking of cooking for the whole Wayne clan, your gentle hums morphed to soft whispers of lyrics.

Just as you were frying the last batch of pancakes the opening chords of your and Bruce’s song came through the speakers. It would be more accurate to state that you’d unilaterally declared it your and Bruce’s song. During your second year of dating you had slowly begun introducing him to the world of romcoms. One particularly chilly fall day that year saw Bruce catching a cold. You took advantage of that to force him into a binge of some of the best and cringiest of your favourites from the 2000’s. Two particular movies seemed to make the notoriously stoic Bruce Wayne emotional. The obvious one being ‘Two Weeks Notice’, but it was the Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore semi-musical ‘Music & Lyrics’ that would produce the perfect song for your and Bruce’s life together.

As the sounds of Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore came through the speaker you began to sing in earnest.

‘I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on’

Your mind drifted to how you and Bruce met. Recently heartbroken and determined never to let another man hurt you, you’d sworn of men and decided to dedicate all your attention to advancing at work. Your first steps were taking the assignment no one else wanted to touch with a ten foot pole. Being Bruce Wayne’s personal assistant. Those who succeeded at such a gargantuan undertaken seemed to excel through the ranks at Wayne Enterprises, but those who fell short well, you’d heard his last personal assistant had moved back home to small town Kansas and given up the corporate ladder completely.

Your first week had been a cake walk, seeing as Bruce had been away on business meetings in Europe. It’d given you time to get settled in and a system in place. You were determined to be the best personal assistant he’d ever had.

Upon Bruce’s first day back in the office, you’d mustered up all the courage you had and waltz into his office. With barely a good morning you’d launched into a tirade of how things were going to be and that unlike his past assistants you were going to set boundaries. He’d blinked at you slowly, and you were convinced you were about to be fired. His mouth opened and the word okay seemed to unintentionally fall out. You both stood there a moment, seemingly shell shocked at the interaction, before you gathered your wits. With a pivot of your heels you rushed out your own okay before returning to your desk.

Unbeknownst to you Bruce himself had been going through a touch of heartbreak, having had a fall out with his former paramour Selina. His accounts of your first meeting paint you in a much fiercer, more beautiful light. But you’re sure he’s simply remembering the day with rose tinted glasses seeing as you had a poorly concealed coffee stain on your blouse and your hair had definitely begun its escape from the clip you’d rushed it into on the train that morning. Nevertheless he claims it was your fierce determination that stunned him into submission and not his utter exhaustion from sleep deprivation.

‘I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need ‘em again someday

I’ve been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind’

The weeks following your initial meeting were a full of meetings, calls and insuring your boss took proper care of himself. It took exactly three days for you to realize he’d forget to eat, four to realize he seemed to not be sleeping either.

You quietly placed a standing order with the sandwich place down a couple blocks from the building, and then methodically went through Bruce’s calendar and put a two hour meeting blackout everyday around 2pm. You’d also had the couch that sat on the wall just outside his office doors moved into his office proper. The next day you simply waltzed into his office at noon and dropped the sandwich on his desk before returning to your own desk. Two hours later you waltzed in dropping a pillow and blanket on the couch and closed the blinds without a word. As you turned to leave Bruce questioned what you were doing. You simply informed him that you’d place a permanent daily block on meetings between 2pm-4pm and that his office doors would be locked for that period of time as well.

When asked, Bruce will claim that as the day he fell in love with you.

You continued on that way for months, the world seeming to move in a blur around you. Your friends encouraged you to start dating again, but you just weren’t sure you could ever trust a man again. Besides, work was so exhausting most days that you were certain you’d simply pass out at the restaurant if you did go on a date. What a terrible first impression that would make.

It was a seemingly unremarkable Tuesday morning when the world came screaming into focus again.

‘All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love

Oh’

You’d been tutting about the office while Bruce attended a meeting with Lucius in the lower levels of Wayne Enterprises. You had just started printing off a report for Bruce’s next meeting when your printer ran out of paper. Normally this would be a none issue, except for reasons unknown to you, the night cleaner had developed a habit of putting the box of printer paper on top of the bookcase in the corner. A bookcase that stood nearly three heads taller than you. He’d been doing it for weeks despite your many conversations with him about it. You had tried bringing it up to Bruce, but he just blamed it on the language barrier and claimed it as a non-issue since he could just grab it for you.

It was just your luck that the printer would run out when Bruce was in the midst of a meeting and wouldn’t be back for at least another hour, probably two seeing as his meetings with Lucius always seemed to go over their allotted time slot. You’d been certain the office would have a step ladder hidden around somewhere, but after nearly twenty minutes of searching and being put on hold with maintenance, you’d given up. You could just wait till Bruce returned, but you had only printed half of the first of ten copies of a 40 page report that was required for his next meeting. You’d begun cursing everyone from the night cleaner for his obsession with moving the paper to the head of marketing and research’s assistants for not sending the reports yesterday when you’d requested them. Difficult problems required creative solutions, however the only thing you had that was light enough to drag over to the bookcase while giving you enough height to grab a ream of paper was your office chair. As the head of the companies employee safety committee you knew this was a terrible idea, as Bruce Wayne’s golden assistant the risk of letting your boss down for the first time ever outweighed the risk to your personal safety.

Even with the chair you needed to climb the bookshelf to actually reach the shelf the paper was on. Ream firmly in your grasp you moved to step back into the chair. As your foot touched the chair your hand slipped from the shelf and you felt yourself go backwards. You closed your eyes and braced for impact but it never came. Instead you felt arms wrap around your back and hip, securing you to a firm chest. You opened your eyes coming face to face with Bruce. Had his eyes always been that blue?

“What the hell were you doing.” He was angry, his blue eyes tightening with worry. A warmth flitted through you at the thought that he cared about your safety.

“Grabbing the printer paper.” You gasped out, bending to grab the ream that had fallen to the ground when you’d lost your grip.

“You could have injured yourself if I hadn’t shown up in time.” Bruce was still in your personal space and it was starting to overwhelm you. ‘Had he always been this… large?’ He seemed to tower over you.

“Yes, well I wouldn’t have needed to do all that if the cleaner would stop placing my printer paper up there.” You’d stepped back from Bruce, needing something to keep you from ogling your boss, you began fiddling with the printer.

“You could have waited for me.” He got in your space again, his voice softer now as he took the paper from your shaking hands.

“Do you understand how ridiculous it is to have to wait for the CEO of the company just to load a ream of paper into my printer?” You huffed out, turning back towards him now. The two stood there, chest to chest just staring at each other. You didn’t want to be the one to back down first, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep from blushing while staring into to his eyes.

‘What was with you today? You’d never had a problem going toe to toe with Bruce before. Now suddenly your acting like a horny school girl, daydreaming about climbing this man like-

“Fine.” Bruce stalked off to his office, an indiscernible glower on his face, leaving you to ponder what the hell had just happened. And why you seemingly out of nowhere had very inappropriate thoughts about your boss.

That night marked the first of many failed blind dates, agreed to only after having decided that it was your lack of a love life that had you daydreaming about your boss.

The next morning the box of paper was on the bottom shelf of the bookcase.

‘I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs

I know that it’s out there

There’s gotta be something for my soul somewhere’

Things between you and Bruce changed after that day. You’d never realized how comfortable you two had become with one another until you suddenly weren’t. You’d taken to communicating with him almost exclusively through emails and his calendar due to how awkward everything had become. He’d try to ask you about your life and you’d just clam up, not wanting to tell the object of your recurring lusty dreams about your string of failed dates. Failed because after less than two minutes you’d start comparing all of them to Bruce. The whole thing was getting so out of hand, you’d started seriously contemplating putting in for a transfer.

You’d been so lost in thought it took Bruce loudly clearing his throat for you to notice him standing in front of your desk.

“Yes, Mr. Wayne?” You’d resolved that complete professionalism was the only sure way to put everything back to normal. Or at least it will hopefully allow you to cling to some semblance of normal until you stop chickening out and put in for reassignment.

“I was wondering,” he seemed nervous, fidgeting with the snow globe I kept on the edge of my desk. “Do you have a date to the Christmas Gala?” Oh. He’s not? Is he? He couldn’t possibly-“I was just thinking if you didn’t have one, we could go together.” He was- “just as friends. We are friends aren’t we?” n’t.

“Yes, Mr. Wayne I suppose I’ve come to regard you as a” the word friend seemed to catch in your throat “friend over these last few months. But, to be quite honest with you, I wasn’t planning on attending the Christmas Gala.”

“You have too. In fact, I’m making it a mandatory requirement of your job that you have to be there. I’ll pick you up at 7pm.” He didn’t even give you time to respond before waltzing back into his office. It took all of 30 seconds for you to follow after him.

“You cannot force me to go to the gala Mr.Wayne.” You’d stopped in front of his desk, arms crossed over your chest.

“Why not?” He leaned back in his chair, smug smile glued to his face.

“Because I’m a human being with free will and, according to the Wayne Enterprises Employee Handbook, attempting to force me to attend would constitute harassment.” The smile slowly dropped from his face as he rose from his chair.

“If you truly don’t want to attend, I won’t push the matter.” He took slow, deliberate steps towards you, halting just far enough to be considered proper, but still close enough for you to catch the scent of his cologne. “However, it’d mean a lot to me if you did attend.” You’d been so distracted by his eyes and the seemingly sincere look on his face that you hadn’t even noticed he’d reached for your hand. You stood there utterly unmoored by the events of the past few minutes. You mentally shook your self out and opened your mouth to once again decline his invitation.

“Okay.” You were stunned with utter disbelief at the disconnect between your brain and your mouth. Bruce smirked.

“Perfect, like I said early I’ll pick you up around 7pm. If we’re going together, I really should match my tie to your dress. What colour is it going to be?” He’d started heading back to his desk.

“Mint.” You mumbled out. If you were going to be photographed on Bruce Waynes arm, even as just a friend, there was only one dress in your wardrobe that was even close to passable. Turns out you would get a second wear out of the bridesmaids dress from your sister’s wedding.

‘I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I’m open to your suggestions’

The Christmas Gala was a disaster. The gala itself was wonderful, decorated to the nines, wonderful little hors d’oeuvres being passed around on trays that looked suspiciously like real silver. You however were a disaster. After entering the gala on Bruces arm, to the flash of what seemed like a million cameras, you’d been immediately pulled away to solve a crisis for the marketing assistants. The crisis turned out to be nothing more than a minor tear in her dress. One strategically placed safety pin later and you found yourself in the midst of the gala uncertain where Bruce had wandered off too.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing standing alone?” Oliver Queen. You’d had several run ins with him whilst working for Bruce.

“Oliver, not that it’s any of your business but I’m looking for Bruce.” You didn’t even bother glancing at him, lest you encourage his flirtations. “You haven’t seen him recently, have you?”

“Does Brucie really have you working on Christmas? He truly has no shame. If you were working for me-“ You cut him off before he could descend into what was sure to be a thinly veiled innuendo.

“We’ve talked about this Oliver. I’m not interested in you, professionally or personally.” You levelled your iciest look at him.

“Sheesh, can’t even give a guy a shot in the spirit of Christmas?” You harden your glare. “Fine, fine. I can take a hint sometimes.” He raised his hands in surrender before placing them on your shoulders turning you in a full 180. “Your beloved Brucie is right there, and it seems he’s decided to use the spirit of the season to rekindle an old flame.” You were met with the sight of Bruce and Selina Kyle in an arch way locked in a kiss.

“Oh.” Logically you knew you had no right to be upset. Bruce had made it abundantly clear the two of you were just friends. But if that were true, why did this feel so much worse than any breakup you’d gone through in your near 25 years of life. “Excuse me, I need to- I should check- I…” You left Oliver standing there as you rushed from the ballroom.

‘All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end’

You wrote your two week notice on the train ride back to your apartment. You were sure you looked quite the sight, shivering in your evening dress, makeup running down your face from the tears you couldn’t hold back. It took an hour longer than normal to reach your corner of Gotham, it gave you time to compartmentalize. Due to the Holidays you’d only have to work out one week of your two weeks notice, but that was still one week of having to see the man who had unintentionally shattered your heart. The worst part is you couldn’t even be mad at him. He’d done nothing to lead you on or imply that you were anything more than friends. You’d simply allowed your imagination to get the better of you and now here you were crying because you’d broken your own heart. You were so lost in your own heartbreak you failed to notice the man standing outside your apartment building until you literally walked into him.

“I’m so sor-“ you began to tumble out an apology as you lifted your eyes to the face of the torso you’d just slammed into, only to be met with achingly familiar blue eyes. “Bruce?”

“You left.” He looked upset, almost as if he were the one heartbroken. “You didn’t even say goo- Have you been crying?” His hand lifts to your face, thumb trailing under your eye. You have to repress a shudder at the feeling of his warm hand on your cold cheek. “Was it Queen? Did he say something again? I’ll have him bared from the building.” You step out of Bruce’s embrace.

“No, it wasn’t Oliver Mr.Wayne.” Professionalism, detachment, that was the only way you were going to get through this final encounter with the man you’d come to love. “It was a personal matter and it’s been handled. But since you’re here I might as well do this face to face. I’m resigning from my position as your personal assistant effective immediately. I’ve already emailed HR and-“

“No.”

“No? This isn’t a yes or no, situation Mr. Wayne. I’m not asking your permission, I’m telling you. I quit.” You’re astonished at the level of strength in your own voice.

“No, you don’t. And while we’re at it you’ll stop with this Mr.Wayne nonsense and go back to calling me Bruce.” He’s agitated now, angry at you.

“Mr. Wayne once again it’s not up to you. I’ve already sent my notice to HR, and accepted a new position elsewhere.” A small lie, but a seemingly necessary one seeing how hard of a time Bruce seems to be having with grasping the concept of your departure from his life.

“Then I’ll buy this new company you work for.” He’s invaded your personal bubble once more.

“Mr. Wayne you can’t just buy a corporation to stop me from quitting.”

“Bruce, and yes I can. I’m a billionaire if you’ve forgotten.” You’re nearly chest to chest at this point. “If this personal matter is the reason you’re quitting, then let me help. I’m sure with your brains and my money we can figure out a solut-“

“I’m in love with you, you idiot.” You push at his chest, anger fuelling your every movement now. “I’m in love with you and I didn’t relish the thought of having to sit in that office day after day watching you moon over Seli-“ He’s kissing you. Bruce Wayne is kissing you. Your to stunned to do anything other than let him.

‘There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation’

When he’d finally pulled away, self satisfied look on his face, you began to berate him. It was his turn to be stunned into silence while you cursed him out in the middle of the street (unbeknownst to either of you, one of the teens from your apartment block filmed the whole thing. It went viral by morning and Wayne Enterprises PR team had to work overtime to spin it in the companies favour). It would take the better part of a week for him to convince you that what’d you seen was Selina’s last ditch attempt at winning him back. It’d taken him another two months of failed wooing attempts to finally get you to agree to be his girlfriend.

‘All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end’

The song fades out and your left standing in the middle of your kitchen lost in thought when a gentle chuckle penetrates your subconscious. You whirl around to find Bruce leaned against the entryway, smile lighting up his face.

“How long have you been standing there?” You could feel a blush beginning to bloom across your cheeks.

“Does it matter?” He advances on you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Yes, I need to gauge how embarrassed I should be.” You sink into his embrace, wrapping your own arms around his neck. He bends down and plants a gentle kiss on your lips.

“What were you thinking so intently about?” He gently sweeps an errant strand of hair behind your ear. It was your turn to plant a distracting kiss on Bruce’s lips, the last thing you needed was to inflate his ego. “Ah, so you were thinking about me.” He smirks when you break for air.

“I was not.” Your blush deepens, as if thinking about your husband was the most scandalous thing in the world.

“Mom’s always thinking about you. It’s kinda gross actually.” Jason sat atop your counter eating a cinnamon bun. “What do you even see in the old man anyway? You’re young, attractive and funny. You could do a lot better than Bruce.”

“Off my counter.” You pulled out of Bruce’s embrace to admonish your son. “And put that down, those are for brunch.” You swat his hand away from the fruit tray. He hops off the counter planting a kiss to your check, as he grabs the fruit tray and starts carrying it to the table in the adjacent dinning room.

“It is brunch though mother.” You startle a bit at the sound of Damians voice coming from beside you, nearly 15 years in and you still got startled by the way they all seemed to move in utter silence popping up from seemingly nowhere. At 5’4” your youngest was nearly eye to eye with you, a few more years and he’d tower over you like his brothers.

“Did you all collectively wake up and decided today was the day to disregard all of mom’s rules?” You move to turn off the speaker, mourning your few hours of peace and beginning to mentally prep for the chaos of having all 7 of the Wayne children in one dinning room. “Tim you better be putting that coffee into a cup.” You had a sixth sense for Tim’s caffeine habit and, unbeknownst to him, had been taking steps to curb it. Your most recent ingenious plan was slowly mixing decaf into the regular coffee. Your current batch of grounds was 60% decaf and only 40% caffeinated.

“Of course mom. I wouldn’t dream of breaking your rules.”

“Bullshit.” You whisper under your breath. “Aren’t you all currently breaking rule number 3?” The boys had the decency to at least feigen sheepishness.

“But it is brunch.” Duke, Stephanie and Cas shuffle into the kitchen together.

“Technically the wording of the rule does state that we’re not supposed to enter the kitchen until after brunch, which is why I entered the dining room through the hallway.” Richard leaned his head through the entryway between the two rooms.

“We get it, your mom’s favourite little suck up.” Jason slaps the back of Richards head on his way back into the kitchen. He loads his arms with various platters from the counter before turning back to his siblings. “Well come on half-wits, if you’re gonna break mom’s rules might as well make ourselves useful.”

“Jason, don’t hit your brother.” Your admonishment is half hearted at best, knowing full well your second eldest was likely to simply pretend to listen, while waiting till you turned your back to strike his older brother once again. “And Richard don’t even think about retaliating while he’s holding those platters.” You lean against the back counter running a hand through your hair, releasing it from its haphazard bun. You watch the other kids with the eyes of a well seasoned mother, fear for your antique dish-ware seizing you. You really should just invest in plastic dish-ware at this point, or perhaps you can commission Lucius to develop a line of indestructible dish-ware. There has to be a market for that, right?

Bruce comes to stand beside you, placing a mug of tea in your hands. You lean your head against his shoulder, a content sigh leaving your lips.

“No regrets?” He asks, as the sound of a squabble erupt from the dinning room.

“Not a one.” You smile. No, you wouldn’t trade this for anything. CRASH Okay, maybe you’d trade out whichever child just broke- CRASH - TWO plates. “Boys what did I just say about fighting with my antiques in your hands!”

#bruce wayne #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne reader insert #bruce wayne x reader #batfam #fluff #angst #fanfiction #dc comics #dceu oc #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne

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ollieneedstherapy · 10 months ago

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D.A.M.N crew head cannons

-As a kid Damien would stay up late and read under the covers

-Huxley’s moms names are Jade and Ruby, both are earth elementals

-Gavin’s go to slushee is Pinà Colada and blue raspberry

-Freelancer’s loves reading, they’re the kind of person who has a new book every few days

-Gavin loves to have freelancer sleep on his left side and have Caelum on his chest, he sleeps on the right side of the bed which is the closest to the door

-every night for years Lasko would text all his friends good morning and good night texts, he only stopped after the intervention

-Huxley is one of the people who can do the Alphabet backwards, he did it so much as a kid, he struggles to sing it forward

-Damien had seen basically every studio Ghibli film, after a hard day he’d make sure no one else was home and cry while watching Howls moving Castle

-Huxley can carry everyone in the easily (is this one cannon??)

-Freelancer owns a plush for everyone in the group, Damien’s is Calcifer, Lakso’s is a d20, Huxley is a cactus, Gavin’s is a dick, Gavin’s is a slushee cup

-Caelum, when he can’t sleep will check on all of his charges four or five times to make sure they’re safe

-Freelancer loves to sing ‘Freeze your Brain’ to Gavin, he has no clue what it’s from or the meaning but he’s happy his Deviant is happy

-Gavins super allergic to pollen, during the spring this guys dying

-Lakso can and will rap old English for his students, he can not rap in normal English

-Huxley got everyone in the group Stanley’s for Christmas because he knows none of them drink enough water, and they’d feel bad if they didn’t use the gift

-Gavin, in his true form, has strips on his back and thighs, when Freelancer and him have…fun, they like to trace them

-Lakso drinks enough caffeine to kill a horse, some of his students keep track of how many energy drinks he drinks in their class alone (The most is 4 and a half)

-Damien has owned 4 cats, 3 dogs, 17 gold fish, and 6 Guinea pigs before he started high school

-He was also homes schooled till he started year 8

-Freelancer and Lakso meet up twice a month, just them, to watch shitty K-dramas

-Caelum doesn’t understand popcorn, when Gavin and freelancer have a movie night with him, he spends like ten minutes just asking about how popcorn works

#redacted asmr #redacted headcanons #redacted damn crew #redacted huxley #redacted lasko #redacted gavin #redacted caelum #redacted freelancer #i love these idiots #redacted damn polycule

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lucky-stick · 4 months ago

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🏞️🐾🦴wolf study 🪵🌲🥩

hello creechers im a wolf otherlink (or idk yet rlly) so i've compiled like everything about wolves and i might add to it sometimes but heres the contents:

basic (size, diet, status ect)

species and subspecies

pack anatomy

communication

-vocal, body, facial, scent,

-submissive behaviour

-playing

fandom facts

basic information 🥩

scientific name: canis lupus

lifespan: 13 years (wild)

diet: carnivorous -

size: 80-85cm 30-80kg

conservation status: least concern

species and subspecies 🍖

its a big debate on how many species of wolf there are in the wolf but the 2 main ones are the grey and red wolf then all the subspecies evolved in different way based on their habitat but they all descended from grey and red wolves

subspecies: (38) WIP 🚧

arctic: usually all white with black nose and ears

Eurasian: a brown-red colour

eastern: a darker coloured wolf

northwestern: a grey wolf with more black

northern rocky mountains: more pale fur

Indian: brown-grey

Mexican: browny-black

great plains: light grey

British Columbia: all black

Vancouver sea: light grey on top black on the side

Italian: dark brown

Arabian: dark brown and black

canis lupus dingo: light brown

Iberian: darker not a lot of white

interior alaskan: mostly black with some white

alexander archipelago: all black

tundra: mostly white with a bit of black on top

texas: coyote colours

alaskan tundra: all white

Manitoba: dark grey

labrador: dark grey to mostly white

baffin island: mostly white

Greenland: all white

Mackenzie: white-yellowish

mongolian: light brown light grey

steppe: coyote colours

new guinea singing dog: red-brown

Egyptian: jackal colours (blueish)

tibetan: light brown to whiter

Austro-Hungarian: very dark grey

extinct subspecies

Hokkaido: all grey

Japanese: they are patterned

mogollon mountain:

Florida black: all black

kenai peninsula: dark grey

Newfoundland:

cascade mountain:

gregorys:

sicilian:

canis lupus youngi:

bernards:

pack anatomy 🌲

packs can consist of 6-20 members though the average is thought to be around 10

there is usually 2 main wolves, sometimes known as alphas but that terms outdated, these are usually the main parents and give birth to most of the pack

a litter usually consists of 4-6 pups and they are all born blind and vulnerable and they usually stay in the den and with their mother for about 2 years

older siblings have been known to look after younger siblings if needed

the packs social bond is very strong and have fierce devotion to their pack. they have been known to mourn loss, which is what a lone howl usually is, they have also been seen to sacrifice themselves for their pack

(WIP) 🚧

communication 🦴

vocalisation:

every pack as its own unique howl to distinguish different packs and if they are on someone else's territory

a defensive howl is to keep the pack together and keep predators out of their territory

a social howl is to locate one another

barking, though rare, is used as a warning for example a mother wolf may bark of she senses danger around her pups

whimpering and whining can indicate a "i give up/in"

growling is also used as a warning but for more dominance like protecting their territory

body language and posture:

a wolf interacting with it pack can say lots about the status of the wolf and the pack

less dominant wolves usually crouch to make themselves look more smaller

they also lick the muzzles of more dominant wolves

slinking is another "i give in" and is a more submissive behaviour and is show in fights and disagreements with the pack

dominant wolves usually have a more confident upright posture to show said dominance

they also rest their head on submissive wolves neck or back

facial expressions:

when angry their ears stick upright and they bear their teeth for example when two wolves have a disagreement they will show this and growl

when suspicious they squint their eyes and put their ears back

when in fear they flatten their ears

when they want to play they display the play bow and dance around

as a warning they will curl the end of their lips displaying a bit of teeth

when relaxed their eyes are just on their sides

tail position:

tail tucking is a sign of being in fear and submission

a more dominant tail position is sticking it out and slightly upward

a neutral tail position is wagging

scent marking

they mark their territory with pheromones

these pheromones come out from glands on the toes, tail, eyes, skin and genitalia

they mark territory with urine and scat (i will not be doing this)

they have also been known to mark food

submission:

there are 2 types of submission: active and passive

active submission: is where a wolf shows signs of inferiority like tail tucking, muzzle licking and crouching (pups do this with adults)

passive submission: passive submissions is when a wolf lays on its back or side displaying the stomach or chest which is a vulnerable part of the body because it contains vital organs it is show to more dominant wolves when they get into a disagreement the less dominant one usually gives up and shows passive submission to show the others authority

playing:

they are known to get zoomies like how domestic dogs do

some games they play include: chase, tug of war or jaw sparring

jaw sparring is when two wolves will rear up on their hind legs and use their front paws and jaws

a range of vocals come out when playing this this fortifies bonds and status and shows physical skills

a more casual version of this is then laying down

facts + misconceptions 🌕

they have 42 teeth

they have 4 toes with claws and run on their toes not their pads

despite running on their toes they can run at 16-38 miles per hour

they can swim up to 8 miles

they have 200 million scent cells

they can eat 20 pounds of meat in one meal

they don't howl at the moon that was a myth people thought because of werewolves their howls are actually just more clear at night because there is usually less wind and other sound

alpha, beta, omega ect roles don't actually exist there is just more dominant wolves and less dominant wolves the alpha is usually just the parent but there is a social hierarchy in packs

wolves don't hibernate at all so they can be seen all year around

the biggest pack ever consisted of 400 wolves which was found in the outskirts of the woods in russia (i made a post abt then when i got 400 followers)

wolves have their own unique personality

northern rocky mountain wolves are one of the biggest subspecies

this is my pack so far :3 ✨ idk why im adding this i rlly like wolps at the minute and im going to get more ^^

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cryptid-quest · 9 months ago

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Cryptid of the Day: Dobsengna

Description: In 1986, a large, striped, dog-like animal was seen on Mount Giluwe, in Papua New Guinea, referred to as the Dobsegna. Many hope these are living Thylacines, hiding in the island jungles, while others think sightings are misidentified Singing Dogs.

#cryptid #cryptids #cryptozoology #cryptid of the day #cryptid quest #dobsengna

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transgenderer · 2 months ago

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9 Dogs, Most Ancient in Extraction..... my favorite is the saluki :)

a later study brings it up to 16 but i care less at that point:

Afghan Hound, Akita, Alaskan Malamute, American Eskimo, Basenji, Canaan dog, Chow Chow, Dingo, New Guinea singing dog, Saluki, Samoyed, Shar-Pei, Siberian Husky, Eurasier, Finnish Spitz and Shiba Inu.

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despazito · 1 year ago

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hey! I was wondering if you ever watch clints reptiles - he just posted a video about marcupeal phylogeny and specifically mentioned thylacines, and talked about how theres been sightings in new guinea? i was just wondering about your opinion, since you just posted a new thylacine drawing and i know youre very interested in them :D

idk, the fact i haven't heard all that much buzz about this theory from the zoologists i follow on twitter makes me doubtful by default.

i'll be honest i'm pretty skeptical of this new guinea claim because of dingoes and new guinea singing dogs.

the popularly accepted theory for the mainland extinction of the thylacine and likely tasmanian devil was competing pressure from dingoes.

clint mentions all of this, but he leaves out the fact that dingoes arrived on the australian continent from the north and studies indicate that dingoes may be descendants of more basal new guinea singing dogs. that would likely mean imo that the new guinea thylacine population, if anything, would be the first to suffer the consequences of canine encroachment.

only on the island of tasmania where absolutely no dingoes were ever present sheltered a 100% verifiable thylacine population by the time of european colonization. to my knowledge, the most recent solid physical evidence of thylacines in new guinea is still several thousand years old. so to me it seems that dingo/wild dog distribution and thylacine distribution mixed as well as oil and water. If there's thylacines in new guinea, it would have to be some enclave free of dogs.

i know the topography of new guinea can give refuge to very cryptic animals, and as clint said the relatively low human population and no european persecution is a plus. i won't disocount local indigenous anecdotes because they've been proven right with other species once thought extinct, but like where are skins or bones or footprints?

also i feel like clint really really oversimplified the cloning process thylacines would require. he makes it seem like it would be simple because we have their whole genome sequenced and have specimens under 100 years old to work with. the thing is, cloning a mammoth is simpler than cloning a thylacine even though they went extinct millenia ago, because mammoths still have a close living relative.

a cursory look at google tells me wooly mammoths and extant asian elephants last shared an ancestor as recently as 6 million years ago, they both belong to the family elephantidae. thylacines however were the last living member of their own family, thylacinidae, which diverged somewhere around 25mya from the other dasyuromorphs. scientists don't really have a close living relative to work with. clint says the complete genome means we wouldn't have to "stick frog DNA in there" to complete it, but the thing is with cloning you have to start with a frog/living DNA sample to tweak it into a thylacine!! until we can 3D print an organism out of thin air with proteins and acids, there has to be a template sample of living cells whose nuclei we can tamper with. and the less related they are, the more DNA has to be overhauled

if you wanna learn exactly how much of a logistical nightmare it's gonna be to clone a thylacine, this lecture explains it way better:

youtube

the takeaway analogy is that cloning a thylacine is the CRISPR equivalent of doing a puzzle of a clear blue sky, not having the box to look at for any reference, and about half the pieces are doubles of other pieces (because most DNA is junk code that does nothing). it's like next to impossible and i still have more faith in de-extinction than a rediscovery.

so yeah, i guess i'm a bit of a thylacine doomer. but i do want to believe, just temper your expectations. to me a win would be a single engineered thylacine cell by the centennial of their extinction lol.

#thylacine

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francisofthespook · 2 months ago

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Tag Game !

Thank you @thevegandarkelf <3 I love doing these lol

Favourite movie: It’s impossible to choose just one, but I’ll say my favorite directors are David Lynch and Lars Von Trier <3

Favourite TV show: The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, New Girl, House, I Think You Should Leave, Atlanta, 90 Day Fiance The Last Resort, ugh it’s too hard to choose I watch so much tv lol (oh and I'm currently binging From and it's so good, and I just started Lost)

Favourite music artist: One Direction, Arctic Monkeys, Prison Religion, Chase Atlantic, MMMD

Favourite colour(s): Green, blue and yellow

Favourite season: WINTER !!!!!!!!

Favourite book: The Hot Zone by Richard Preston or My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Do you have any Funko pops?: Yeah… I don’t really care for them but I was addicted to bidding on eBay a few years ago and I didn’t wanna actually spend too much money so I would bid on Funko Pops lol. I have a lot, but the only one I really like is my Sailor Moon one I put inside my pc

Do you play an instrument?: Yes :) Guitar, ukulele, piano, and bass which is my fav. I also sing and have released music (I’ve been on the Grammy ballot a couple times but I’ve ‘retired’ from music)

Do you have any pets?: Yes !!! I currently have 2 dogs ( a corgi mix named Ein ((from Cowboy Bebop)) and a rat terrier named Luna but we call her Lulu), 3 cats (a black cat named Boo Boo ((she’s my soul cat <3)), a tabby named Stormy, and a tuxedo cat named Mitski). And my mom has my other dog with her back home, a pitbull mix named Bailey but he doesn't do well around other dogs and she lives alone so she kept him, and she has my (very very very old I don't know how he's still alive) parakeet named Bongo. This year I lost 3 fur babies :( my maine coon named Lily, she was very old and it was her time, my other tuxedo cat Squid, she had a mummified fetus that we found out about too late, and my ferret Jedidiah, he was old and had cancer. It’s been a hard year but I am grateful for my babies and the time I get to spend with them <3 I love love love animals and I've had so many fur babies, I've had cats, dogs, hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, a rabbit, chameleons, a hedgehog, and a duck

Do you read and/or write fanfiction?: Yes, both :) although I just started writing, so I haven’t done much

What song have you had on repeat recently?: I’m Not In Love by 10cc, Doubt It by Chase Atlantic and Bed Chem by Sabrina Carpenter

What’s your relationship status?: I have a boyfriend, we just hit 5 years together :) yay covid relationships !! (although we’ve known each other since preschool)

What’s the last song you listened to?: Headlock by Imogen Heap

No pressure tags: @negansbestie @ffsjustletmesleep @spinecouture @headknight-oh @emodarylss

#tag game

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starryqueen-18 · 6 hours ago

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Kitty Catastrophe (Featuring Ryoma Hoshi)

Quick notes: (This story is was written long ago.) this is a written version of the story I think. I wrote the story already in my book, I'm not sure about the picture version plus I kinda wanted to make this story. Do you guys know about the storybook cover of Ryoma? yeah that, so if it's ok please enjoy the written version instead.) anyways, enjoy the lovely story! ^w^

Ryoma Hoshi the Ultimate Tennis Pro was in his room feeling a bit sad, you see he's been very lonely since he got into the Academy, even though he spent some time with his friends he still feels alone in his dorm. One day Monokuma put up an announcement, "Ahem! Attention Students!" said the bear, "This is your headmaster Monokuma speaking, please report to the school store for a special surprise."

After the announcement the 16 students walked to the halls as curiosity filled their heads, "what surprise could it be?" the students thought of the surprise until they made it to the school store, there was a building the students never seen before, suddenly Monokuma appeared with a greeting attitude "phuhuhu!" the bear laughed "welcome students" he said "uh, Monokuma, what is that building?" Kaede asked as she pointed to the building with closed windows. "Oh this building? Just a little something I thought I'd bring on the special occasion." Monokuma said with a smile and continued. "Students allow me to present to you..." As Monokuma pushed the button, the curtains of the windows opened. The students looked in surprise after the curtains revealed something amazing, it's a pet store.

"Welcome to the pet store!" Monokuma announced, the pet store has lots of animals: fishes that swim around the tank, the barking sound of the dogs, birds that fly high in their cages and sing in their melody tune and best of all, cats! Cats are Ryoma's favorite animal, the perfect pet for him. As Monokuma opened those pet store doors, the students headed inside.

There are pets everywhere, from the parrots and cockatoos to the rabbits and guinea pigs, everyone was petting and looking around the new pet store. Ryoma wanders around the isle full of cages on each side, inside these cute cages lies small meowing noises, when Ryoma looks closer to the cage he sees something, a kitty cat! All the cages are filled with cats, some are big and small, some are thin and some are round. Ryoma looked around in awe as he continue forward down while looking at the cute cats, soon he reached a cage, quite blue unlike other grey cages, Ryoma looked in the blue cage until he sees a blue cat and not just any cat, this cat has blue fur with dark blue spots, one on it's back and one on each side of its cheeks, it has only one white spot on its tummy.

The tennis pro's eyes shine bright like stars in the sky and filled with excitement, "aww" he said while petting the cat with his finger, this cat is perfect for him plus blue is his favorite color. "I'm gonna take you home." Said Ryoma, he picked up the blue cage with the cat inside, just then he heard a laughing sound "phuhuhu" Monokuma showed up, the tennis player jumped a bit, surprised that Monokuma popped out of nowhere. "So it looks like you picked your pet already huh?" asked the black and white bear, Ryoma nodded and asked "can I keep this cat please?" Monokuma said "of course you can, that'll be 12 monocoins." After Ryoma gave the coins to monokuma, he can now take his new pet cat to his dorm. At the dorm, Ryoma opened the cage to let the cat walk free to roam around the room.

"Welcome to your new home." Said Ryoma, the cat meowed as it explored around the room, while the cat does that, Ryoma is coming up with a name for his pet, he has so many ideas for a name, Rita? No, Fluffy? Pawsy? All of these name suggestions floated around his thought like a wave, until then a bell hit the light bulb, he found the perfect name for his new cat. "I'll call you Hoshi." Said Ryoma, the cat purrs around the tennis pro's leg, Ryoma smiled and pet his cat Hoshi and soon Ryoma and Hoshi had a great time together, they play catch with a tennis ball, they ran around during free time, they even ate lunch together, watch tv together you name it, they're the inseparable pair a student and his cat.

But one night , Hoshi felt a bit lonely and wanted a kitty companion, so while Ryoma was asleep the cat walked out of the dorm to the empty hall and made it to the school pet store. Hoshi snuck through the window and inside the store, he went through the cat isle looking for a friend for him to play with, until then he had an idea, he decided to play with all of the cats, Hoshi pushed the switch that open the cat cages but without realising, the cat opened up all the pet cages too. Just then everyone woke up from all the noise just to find out that they're being swarmed by pets, animals that run and fly, everybody is now on the sea of pets! "Woah!" yelled Kaede, "Ah!" screamed Shuichi, he and Kaede are surrounded by cats. "Gah!" "Look out!" Yelled Tenko and Tsumugi who are being chased by guinea pigs. "Neyh!" "Gah!" "wah!" Screamed Himiko, Kokichi and Kaito who are being chased by kittens and cats. "So many animals!" Gonta said, the other students are on the table to escape the pets, mostly cats.

Monokuma appeared and saw the situation, "My, My, it looks like you're in a Catastrophe." The bear laughed, and he's right, there are pets everywhere, meanwhile Ryoma was looking for his pet cat while trying not to get toppled over but there's no sign of Hoshi, but just then he noticed there are lots of cats everywhere among the cats is Hoshi, trapped in a litter of cats. Ryoma tried to get through but no luck, there are too many cats and pets everywhere. "We gotta do something!" Said Tsmugi, they need to put all the pets back in their cages, but how?

Just then Miu had an idea, she said she'll create an invention to round up the cats while the others go find a way to catch the pets. So they did just that, the students began to round them up but it's too hard. The pets kept running around when they got close to them. "Heh, don't worry guys I got this!" Said Kaito, he sneaked up closer and closer but the cats scratched the Ultimate Astronaut many times. "Ow ow ow!" Kaito Yelped, Ryoma came up with a plan on how to lure the cats and pets. "Hey I have an idea!" Said Ryoma, the tennis pro went to the pet store and came back with bags of pet treats. Ryoma opened the treat bag and said "we can use the pet treats to lure all the pets in." And that's exactly what they all did, the students used the treats to lure in some pets and it worked, the pets were back in their cages. "Yes we did it!" Said Tenko with cheer, "we sure did!" Kaede agreed, all the pets are in their cages eating their treats.

"Hey where's Ryoma?" Asked Kiibo, they looked around until they saw a tower and not just any tower, a tower of fluffy kitty cats, suddenly they heard someone calling for help at the top, "Help!" It's Ryoma , he's at the tippy top of the tower. "Oh my!" Kirumu gasped, everyone else gasped "woah, it's like a tower." said Kokichi, "it's a tall tower of kitty cats!" Kaede said, very surprised, "Yoohoo Ryoma! Are you ok up there?" Angie shouted, hoping Ryoma could hear from above the tower, "I'm ok, but I'm stuck!" Said Ryoma, the tower is really high and filled with meowing sounds, poor Ryoma can't get down. "Oh boy." said the tennis pro, so he stood back so he wouldn't fall off until he bumped into something, it's Hoshi the cat, "Hoshi!" Ryoma hugged his pet cat feeling so happy to see his furry friend safe, "are you ok?" Ryoma asked, the cat meowed in a way saying he's ok.

Just then there was a loud hovering noise and gusts of wind blew in, the students heard it too "what's that?" asked Himiko "look over there!" shouted Shuichi, It's a big helicopter, it zoomed around the tower of cats, inside is none other than ... .Miu! But there was someone else there, it was Monokuma who was driving the helicopter. Miu is holding her newest invention. "Hahahaha! What's up Kitty Capers!" Miu Laughed, Shuichi is surprised "Miu?" it's her alright, "That's right! Introducing my latest invention!" Said Miu, she's holding a bazooka with a kitten symbol on it.

"Wow a bazooka, what are you gonna do? Blast those cats away?" Kokichi asked with excitement, "Ha ha! No, behold,my latest invention Kitty Catcher!" Miu shouted with confidence. Miu aimed at the tower and pressed the button and boom! A net came out of the kitty catcher and on the kitty tower which caused it to collapse with Ryoma and his pet along with it. Ryoma popped out of the meowing cat pile safe and sound, "Guys, a little help?" He asked, so the students helped Ryoma out of the cat pile and out of the net.

After that Monokuma and the cubs took the pets back to the pet store, well except Hoshi the cat who was heading to the pet store but ran back to Ryoma, wanting to stay, the cat meowed an apology for the whole kitty mischief he did. Ryoma gave his pet cat a big hug. And so everything went back to normal, Ryoma and Hoshi became best friends after that. The Ultimate Tennis Pro and his furry friend.

The End.

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 killing harmony #drv3 killing harmony #ryoma hoshi #fanfiction #fanmade storybook #old story #I wrote this story long ago #danganronpa amino #sorta like a cute friendly story #danganronpa killing harmony #kaede akamatsu #monokuma #gonta gokuhara #kaito momota #miu iruma #drv3 kiibo #shuichi saihara

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