#Neil just knows when he sees it

[broken-heart-raven-queen]

Ok, but Stuart attending Andreil's wedding is a concept and now is in my brain:

Like no one called. He just knew when and where it was and went with one of his best suits and a dark red rose in his lepel.

He watches from the shaddows, tho, talking to Mary as if narrating the whole thing and then goes when it's over without people ever noticing him.

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[swampthingking]

can’t study for my test because i’m having brain rot about neil accidentally getting super drunk and stumbling up to aaron like “andrew???” and aaron is like “wrong one” and neil is like “andrew.” and aaron is like “???? are you stupid” and neil goes to look for andrew but he stumbles into the table, and aaron has to catch him or he will get trampled for fucks sake, and neil just collapses into him in a drunk cuddly heap. and aaron is like “neil. you need to stand up” and neil is like “i am” and aaron is like “that’s because i’m holding you up” and they get neil to stand but neil kinda just flops into aaron’s arms again. and neil is like “i don’t hate you, i don’t, but it’s okay if you hate me” and aaron is like “ugh, ew are you really an emotional drunk???” and neil, to aaron’s horror, looks at him with tears in his eyes because you know when you’re too drunk and you kind of just get a little scared and you need help???? ya. and aaron is like … ok. and kinda holds neil until andrew comes back from the bar with more drinks. and he sees neil basically asleep on aaron’s shoulder, and aaron looking uncomfortable but accepting, so he kinda raises an eyebrow, an okay? and aaron nods and is just patting neil on his back

and tomorrow they’ll wake up and neil will toddle downstairs with his hand against his temple and aaron will have advil ready for him, and he’ll say “you’re annoying and you don’t know when to shut your mouth or mind your own business, but i don’t hate you” and the thank you for helping repair my relationship with my brother and thank you for testifying and thank you for staying goes unsaid but yeah

and that’s how aaron and neil became kind of friends

edit: vomited out a one shot for y’all (this will prob become a 5+1)

Aaron swirled his drink a few times, listening to the ice clacking against the glass.

Eden’s was packed tonight, courtesy of it being the end of the school year. College students and the regular patrons flocked to the bar, the dance floor, and all of the tables, leaving Aaron to reserve a high-top table, and his legs to dangle from the stool.

“Drew?”

Aaron ignored him in favor of the twinkling sound the ice makes in his glass. He’d already taken shots, danced, had another drink, danced again, and now Aaron’s body was heavy with alcohol and exhaustion.

“Drew,” Neil said again.

Aaron looked around their table and didn’t see Andrew. He remembered Andrew getting up and walking to the bar with their empty tray. Aaron found him a few seconds later, hands in his pockets at the bar. That and Neil, staring up at him, looking uneasy.

Before Aaron could tell Neil to get out of his face, Neil was speaking.

“Are you’nt having fun?” Neil frowned, blinking sleepy, hooded eyes at him. He leaned closer to study Aaron’s face.

“What are you doing?” Aaron grumbled, pushing Neil’s face away.

Aaron hadn’t even pushed him hard, he more removed Neil from his space rather than pushed him, but Neil wobbled like his world had tilted out of orbit. Aaron realized, quickly, that Neil was going to fall backwards. He grabbed two fistfuls of Neil’s shirt and pulled him forwards. Neil’s head lulled on his shoulders with the force, his chin hitting his chest then righting itself.

Aaron’s stomach lurched, sick with the thought that someone had put something in one of Neil’s drinks, as he would for anyone, but thankfully he’s never been put in that situation. Neil’s eyes were hooded, his face flushed. Aaron snapped once at Neil’s ear, and Neil recoiled immediately.

“Does your head hurt or anything?” Aaron asked. Neil shook his head, frowning.

“Are you dizzy? Follow my finger.” Aaron pushes Neil back so he can see his face, keeping one hand on Neil’s shoulder to hold him up. Neil follows Aaron’s finger as it moves back and forth, albeit a little labored, but not as if he’d been roofied. Aaron declares that Neil’s reaction times and responses are fine, but he still pulls the front of his shirt up and checks his belt, the button of his pants.

“What—?” Neil slapped a hand on his abdomen, stopping his shirt from being lifted any higher. Aaron didn’t need to see anything but his pants, but it was reassuring that Neil still had inhibitions.

His clothes were fine. His belt was still done, zipper up. No one had tried anything. Aaron relaxed.

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “Sorry, I just needed to…”

While racking his mind back to why Neil is this drunk, Aaron remembered Neil taking shots with Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. Four shots. He’d seen Neil sip on another drink like the idiot had the tolerance for alcohol that the rest of them had.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Aaron said and released Neil. Neil attempted to step back, his hands raised in surrender.

“No?” Neil asked warily. Even drunk as fuck, he still respected boundaries. Andrew’s boundaries specifically, as it still hadn’t registered that he wasn’t talking to the right twin.

“I’m not Andrew,” Aaron said.

“Where’s Andrew?” Neil asked, turning his head pathetically in search. Aaron only had a good view of Andrew because they were seated at a high-top. Over the throng of taller people coupled with strobing lights, Neil’s view was obstructed.

“At the bar,” Aaron nodded in that direction.

Neil turned towards the bar. Well, he attempted to. He pivoted, lost his balance, and toppled into the table. He tried to right himself and started to fall to the other side. Aaron caught Neil before he could bust his shit and get trampled.

“Jesus Christ, Josten,” Aaron spat, righting Neil with hands on his biceps. Neil slapped a hand on the table and leaned his weight on it. The table quaked under such abuse, but held.

Neil turned slowly, grappling against the table as if he was standing in one of those spinning fair rides. In his excursion to simply spin 180°, his hand slipped off the edge of the table as he faced Aaron once again. He reached for the table, missed, reached for it again, missed, said, “Motherfucker,” under his breath, and finally gripped onto the edge. His eyes locked on Aaron’s again, and Neil’s useless hand landed on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Andrew,” Neil said. Aaron didn’t know if it was more a request or if it was just not registering.

“Wrong,” Aaron said, tense under Neil’s hand, but he didn’t push him off. He’d rather hold Neil up than peel him off the floor. “Aaron.”

“‘m very drunk,” Neil said, looking up pleadingly at Aaron as if he had a magical cure to shitfacedness, and all Neil had to do for it was look a little scared. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Aaron asked.

“I’m drunk.”

Aaron snorted. “That’s kind of the point when you’re at a bar.”

“But,” Neil said, taking a labored breath, “I’m…too drunk.”

This was beginning to feel exceedingly similar to speaking to a child. Aaron was annoyed, but not completely heartless, unlike the narrative of Aaron Neil had likely concocted. “It’s okay, Neil,” Aaron said. “You should sit down.”

Neil promptly sat as if there was a chair under him, but there was not. Aaron, still holding Neil vertical, got pulled out of his chair with the momentum. To avoid toppling to the ground—which did not get mopped as often as it should—Aaron planted his feet on the floor and hauled Neil up by his armpits.

“Help,” Neil murmured. His arms dropped to his sides as he yielded his dead weight to Aaron.

“Stand up,” Aaron grunted, readjusting to wrap an arm around Neil’s back. One of Neil’s arms flopped over Aaron’s shoulder.

“I am,” Neil complained.

“No, you are not.”

“I am.”

“Neil,” Aaron said through clenched teeth, “I am holding you up. You need to lock your knees.”

“Oh,” Neil said. He looked at his feet as if he needed to check they were on the ground.

To be fair, Neil did lock his knees, but he also leaned all of his upper body on Aaron, arms still hanging limply at his sides. He tucked his head into Aaron’s neck with, what seemed, every intention to make a home there for the night.

“Neil,” Aaron said, frozen against the hair tickling his cheek. “God dammit.”

“And…ron,” Neil spoke against his shoulder.

“Yes,” Aaron said sarcastically. “That’s me.”

“Can I j’stay here?” Neil slurred.

From what Aaron had seen of Neil’s dynamic with his brother, he knew Neil would get off if he said no. He could place Neil into a stool or pull up a chair with a back so he wouldn’t fall out and concuss himself. He could shove Neil off and make him fend for himself. He could pawn him off to Andrew.

At the moment, those other options seemed like far too much work.

That, or maybe it was the med student in him, the intrinsic urge to heal and help and nurture that smarted at the thought of pushing Neil off.

Aaron didn’t push him off when Neil readjusted and tucked an arm into his chest, the other gripping Aaron for stability. He didn’t when Neil asked again, a quiet, “Aaron.”

“Okay,” Aaron conceded. He rubbed a hand up and down Neil’s back placatingly, but also because Neil seemed like he needed it. And he came to Aaron for it. Well, he came to Andrew and got Aaron. But he didn’t push Aaron off, and Aaron hasn’t done the same.

And they just…stood like that. For what seemed like a long time, but it probably was only a few minutes before Neil spoke again.

“Aaron,” Neil said.

Aaron hummed in response.

“I don’ hate you.”

“What?” Aaron asked. “What the fuck are you talking about, Neil?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“What?” Aaron said again.

“I don’wanna fight.” Neil lets out a colossal breath.

“We haven’t fought in a long time,” Aaron says, his idea of agreement. Acceptance.

Neil was quiet, because it was true. Neil seemed content to lay in Aaron’s arms, and Aaron didn’t have another stool next to him. He sure as shit wasn’t giving his up for Neil, but Neil was genuinely so unsteady on his feet that Aaron couldn’t let him go.

He trembled a bit, and Aaron was almost amused that after everything Neil had been through, being a little too drunk is what finally did it for him.

But Aaron had felt that way before. Inebriated and scared in a crowded room of strangers. Neil, however, has people he knows. How can Aaron be upset at Neil for wanting the comfort that he also craved? How can he be upset that Neil feels safe enough with Andrew to ask for help? That his brother finally feels safe with someone too?

“Aaron,” Neil said.

“What,” Aaron said.

“It’s okay if you hate me.”

“Oh God,” Aaron groaned, “Ew. Are you really an emotional drunk?”

Neil pulled back and, to Aaron’s horror, there were actual tears in his eyes. His lip trembled as he bit it, holding the tears in. Aaron hated how much of himself he was seeing in Neil tonight. The harrowing fact that maybe they are quite similar.

“Oh God,” Aaron said again, mortified. He grabbed the back of Neil’s head and shoved it back into his shoulder, effectively hiding Neil’s teary face.

He cast a desperate look to Andrew, who was finally on his way back to the table. He patted Neil on the shoulder, like one would burp a baby when they have no idea how to do so.

“Andrew.”

Andrew didn’t need prompting to look. His eyes were trained on Neil and Aaron from the moment he turned around. By the nonchalance of his movements and his lack of alarm, Aaron guessed he had been watching their interaction.

Andrew set the tray down on the table and cast a significant look between them, settling on Neil’s intoxicated form keeled over on Aaron’s shoulder.

Andrew raises one eyebrow, a silent question, an okay?

Aaron finds himself nodding, and unsure why. All he knows right now, a few drinks in, is that he doesn’t hate this. And he doesn’t hate that Neil doesn’t hate him.

-

The smell of coffee set Neil’s feet moving like a Pavlovian response. He was half awake already with a pounding headache, like his eyeballs were beating his closed lids to death.

Neil toddles down the stairs with his eyes closed, a hand pressed hard to his temple, stabilizing his brain.

Aaron was standing at the counter already, facing the sputtering coffee pot. His arms were crossed, hair ruffled from sleep. At the sound of footsteps behind him, he turned.

The memories from last night played past Neil’s mind like a sped-up movie. He grimaced in embarrassment, and felt a little sick at how drunk he was. How stupid he was, to drink that much. He should have known his tolerance isn’t matched with the rest of them. He could have gotten hurt, could have said something—

Fuck.

“Fuck,” Neil said, covering his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Aaron said. He turned back to the coffee, though his posture was rigid.

Neil grabbed a glass of water. He noticed Aaron watching from the corner of his eye, but Neil chose to ignore him, figuring that’s best. He sat on the counter with his water, sipping it slowly while he and Aaron waited for the coffee to finish brewing.

The silence was thick, but they were both too stubborn to leave the kitchen. Usually, they preferred to wait and pretend the other wasn’t there.

That’s what Neil thought, at least. After a painful few minutes, Aaron huffed and grabbed the bottle of Advil from the drawer next to the sink. He shook two pills out and sat them next to Neil.

Neil stared at them until Aaron cast a pointed look at the pills, then physically gestured to them with raised brows. Neil took them while Aaron watched.

The coffee pot beeped. Aaron made a split second decision, grabbing two mugs and pouring coffee into them. He slid Neil’s across the counter. It sloshed over the side, but Aaron wasn’t capable of caring at the moment. His mind was busy, and he knew Neil had noticed his lack of eye contact; the analytical fuck.

“Look,” Aaron said. He did not look at Neil to say it. “You’re annoying, and you never know when to shut your mouth or mind your business. Most of the time, I’m convinced you have a death wish, and a lot of the time I find myself resenting you. You complicated our lives, put us all in danger, didn’t give a shit.”

Neil’s chest hurt. He didn’t know if it was anger or guilt. Aaron started talking again before he could figure it out.

“But I don’t hate you. I can’t, really. I can’t even fault you for the shitty things you did, because it all worked out.” Aaron glanced quickly at Neil, looked away. His cheeks were red.

The thank you for helping repair my relationship with my brother and thank you for testifying and thank you for being good to Andrew went unsaid, but Aaron hoped Neil wasn’t obtuse enough to force him to say it out loud.

Neil must have understood, because he nodded. Aaron figured that was as close to a reconciliation they were going to have, so he leaned against the counter and pretended everything was normal.

For the first time, they drank their coffee in silence without animosity orchestrating it.

Neil’s mug was half empty when Andrew joined them. He paused in the doorway, squinty eyed and mussed, looking between the two. Neil on the counter, Aaron leaning against it. Their silence, but lack of tension.

“This is weird,” Andrew finally said, his voice gravely from sleep.

“Yeah,” Neil and Aaron said simultaneously.

Neil glanced over his mug at Aaron, the corner of his mouth twitching. Aaron regarded it, but looked away, because something like contentment had made its way onto Andrew’s face.

Aaron smiled at that instead.

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

So how badly do we think it fucks with Andrew that he agreed to stop protecting Neil a few hours before Neil was kidnapped and tortured?

[guess-i-do-art]

Behold:

the Goobers

[crazy-fangirl2524]

The setting sun was illuminating Andrew’s golden strands like a halo, highlighting his profile. Simultaneously, the sunset painted the sky with pink and purple and Neil who just recently got into photography wanted nothing more to capture this. With a cigarette in his hand, Andrew was nothing short of a masterpiece and Neil had to remind himself to breathe.

He ran inside their apartment and frantically searched for his camera and ran back out to the balcony where Andrew had turned towards him.

Neil answered his unasked question, “I want to capture the view.”

Andrew stubbed his cigarettes and started to head back inside.

“No,” Neil’s hand snagged onto Andrew’s palmetto hoodie, Neil’s hoodie to be exact. “The view.” He emphasised and pulled Andrew back to his original spot. It really showed how far they had come when Andrew wordlessly went back to where he was standing.

Andrew stood facing Neil with his blank face. Neil took a couple of pictures before asking Andrew to stand the way he was standing before. Rolling his eyes, Andrew turned his back towards Neil again. Neil’s hoodie was already oversize but Neil swore he could see Andrew’s back muscles outlined against his hoodie.

“Are you satisfied?” Andrew turned his head towards Neil once again. Neil had the wildest thought that maybe it was Andrew’s jawline that cut all those scars into him. If only.

With his hair highlighted by the sun and the pink and purple background, one of the cats had hoped onto the balcony and Andrew petting King, Neil captured the perfect photo.

“Perfectly,” Neil grins, he walked towards his masterpiece and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulders. They stood on their balcony, in their apartment with their cats and Andrew in Neil’s hoodie and arms, and watched as the sun finally sank behind the horizon. The pink and purple had disappeared and gold that could never rival Andrew’s hair painted the sky. Neil never really looked at the sky but now he could not stop.

Beautiful, Neil thought, admiring the sky for another second before dropping a kiss to Andrew’s hair.

[thespineoftherighteous]

honestly? you can pry the idea that once Neil heals from his injuries, he goes back to the backseat and Kevin reassumes his rightful place in the passenger seat of Andrew's car. from my cold dead hands. neilandandrew changes nothing irdc.

[emry-stars-art]

What are your thoughts on Neil and Katelyn being friends? Either in your au or just in general. Personally I’m insane about it

SAME

Like if you’re asking realistically, if I was to write a post canon Neil and Katelyn friendship it would be that they don’t actually seek out each others company, but when they DO get together it is chaos for the twins. Like no one expected them to have that much or that kind of energy around each other. I don’t even know if I can describe it, it’s something adjacent to a sibling relationship with a wordless agreement to mess with Andrew and Aaron as much as possible and also having that step-sibling vibe that is both ironic hate and a little bit of real “still not a huge fan of u”. I do like Andrew being better with kids so Neil doesn’t necessarily have a special in with kateaaron’s girls.

But they get along completely well enough and are comfy around each other. My weakness for better post canon relationships for everyone strikes again

In the royal au it’s similar, obviously it takes even longer for Abram to be comfy/casual around the queen but once he is they have a fine time when they happen to around each other. As stated previously, he sometimes ends up watching out for her at parties and stuff bc Katelyn has always been incredible at sneaking away from her people - if she isn’t on Aaron’s arm she’s gonna be on Abram’s and like at least halfway drunk, if she’s not somewhere on the floor dancing. Since this universe (or at least Palmetto idk) doesn’t have super strict policy on dances and stuff, sometimes she convinces Abram to dance with her as long as there’s someone else near enough to keep an eye on the room around the prince. Andrew always rolls his eyes at their friendly/sibling-like affection but he’s also relieved Abram’s relaxing enough to allow it. He always lets Abram go dance (Andrew himself keeps the same arm-length distance from Katelyn that he does from everyone else). Aaron doesn’t mind either, HE’S just relieved she picked someone capable of protecting her to go drunkenly talk to when she disappears (he also likes the way she lights up when Aaron eventually comes to collect her. She’s very happy to see her beloved husband and I love that for them).

Anyway Queen Katelyn is very sweet to Abram (bc she’s a sweet person) and eventually yes they ABSOLUTELY cause chaos for the twins hehe

Find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕

[ninyard]

do you think andrew and aaron talked about his testimony before the trial, like about what andrew was going to say, or did aaron find out the full extent of what happened at the same time the jury did?

hmm. good question. i don’t know! easy answer: no, not at all. i think aaron is completely clueless going into it and every word that comes out of andrew’s mouth on that stand hit him like a fucking truck. i think he holds his head in his hands because he can’t listen to it, it hurts too much, he can’t see andrew like this. andrew doesn’t want him to see him like this. so clinical. so straight forward and honest about his abuse. describing what drake did to him, for so long, and nobody knew about it? nobody had any idea what andrew was going through? yeah i think it really upsets aaron when andrew takes the stand, because he had no preparation whatsoever for what he was going to say. he’s expecting andrew to talk about that night, and then andrew is talking about being 13 or 14 and it’s just. it’s awful.

the other answers:

1. it comes up in their therapy sessions. a week or two before the trial andrew mentions that he’s probably going to get called as a witness and privately he’s already spoken to bee, but in their joint sessions aaron brings it up first. he mentions something about how he’s worried about andrew having to speak about that night on the stand, and how he doesnt know how he’ll be able to sit in that room and hear about what drake did to him for the first time there, in front of the judge, a jury. andrew tells him not to worry, to just cover his ears and not listen. but it ends up in possibly a very loose conversation, andrew telling him what he’s likely going to have to talk about, purely so aaron isn’t sideswiped on the stand.

2. maybe they talked privately about it. they’re both restless and freaking out for the week before the trial and maybe they just catch each other at the wrong/right time and they ask each other what’s going on. aaron tells him everything, blurting the things out that he can’t talk to anyone about, his fears his worries, how he can’t sleep the closer it gets. but one thing he mentions is andrew. and andrew tries to get him to be quiet about it, but aaron keeps going, and he talks about how he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, with andrew up on the stand talking about his abuse, the things he had no idea about. andrew asks him why he’s worried. and aaron looks at him but he can’t look him in the eyes and he’s just like. i don’t know how i’m going to look at you knowing the truth about what you’ve been through. and i can’t hear that for the first time in front of all those people. so maybe andrew alleviates his stress by opening up, by telling him the roundabout truth about what he’s going to have to talk about.

3. aaron’s lawyers tell him. whether andrew would be in the room or not, idk, but they’re talking through their points and they brief aaron on what andrew is likely to be asked. maybe they show aaron andrew’s statements. maybe aaron has to read in andrew own words who drake was to him, and then he has to go out and sit in that courtroom and watch his brother take the stand feeling different about him. knowing too much, but at least knowing what to expect when the prosecutor starts asking questions.

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

[dayurno]

those r all so funny im guffawing helpp 😭😭 they’re all gonna die 💔

transmigrator riko transmigrator neil and transmigrator nora sakavic (she’s neil’s fbi agent)

[sisaloofafump]

Yes ace people can and do have sex but if I have to see one more depiction of an ace character experiencing immediate major sexual attraction in a definitively non-ace way, I'm gonna start beheading people

[tio-trile]

i was enjoying reading your critique of gomen s2, but your latest post came off as bragging that you insulted someone's work and they saw you insulting it. to be clear, i don't think youve done something harmful or anything — obviously gaiman is a grown man with a huge following, and its healthy for authors to read critique! im not worried about you hurting his feelings, lmao. i do think boasting about it is super tasteless, though, and maybe you should examine that urge, or at least why it came across that way.

I wouldn't have made a post about literally anyone else unfollowing me, nor would I publicly talk shit about any indie creator's work. However, I think that getting NEIL GAIMAN, one of the most famous fantasy authors of our time, to unfollow me on Tumblr is a hilarious accomplishment. Please indulge me a little. 🤣

[mariatesstruther]

is having previously posted zionist propaganda to your instagram story a requirement to be casted or something lmfao. what the fuck

[worm-priest]

One thing about me and aftg is that i will never ever ever ever ever stop seeing neil as demi aroace

[travellingtribble]

kinda long post sorry lol. not really spoilers? but some ramblings, no context given.

the fact that even after so much queer joyful scenes in OFMD I still tense up at the first sign of struggle really says a lot about how much (supposedly)"queer" media has fucked us over.

Like, after episodes 6-7 I am legitimately scared of the finale. What is going to happen? Will the drama finally be resolved? Or will we have another S1-style cliffhanger? I genuinely don't know what to think. And I know DJenks & co. wouldn't do that to us, they wouldn't leave us like that.

would they? no they wouldn't. but... what if? I can't stop thinking what if something happens. what if something goes wrong. I want to trust the crew but also I can't bring myself to fully trust them. because we've seen what happens whenever we have a queer character get some happiness. we've seen it. and I am so so scared that if I lower my guard the same thing is going to happen here.

But I guess we'll simply have to wait and see. PLEASE tell me I'm not alone in this and I'm not just making problems in my head and overthinking.