#Name Only dead guys of middle earth

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

So the 1990s movie Independence Day was everywhere last week (for obvious reasons), and I was reminded of a particular pet peeve of mine in media: the big disaster epic where thousands or even millions of people die, but that’s not meaningfully acknowledged because we’re so focused on the eventual triumph of Our Heroes.

On one level, I get it. It’s hard to make an exciting, crowd pleasing movie if you stop the momentum at some point to mourn the catastrophic loss of life that goes along with your big action set piece. But honestly, that’s all I’m thinking about anyway when a major population center gets blown up or wave after wave of soldiers get mowed down or whatever. Who were those people? How did the loss of each one change the world in some way? How do you pick up the next day without them all? And that’s something I’ve always thought Tolkien, by contrast, did very well!

No, he doesn’t spend page after page giving us the backstory on every rank and file soldier to die at the Pelennor Fields, for example, but he does acknowledge that the victory was every bit as tragic as it was triumphant. He takes the time to give us the names of both captains and nobodies who died before we ever got to know them. He shows us there was a real human impact, and by giving us those names, he invites us to think more about them. Who were they really? What were their lives like? Who loved them back home and will miss them when they don’t return? Tolkien engages with that and even sometimes for the enemies, such as the Southron who dies at Sam’s feet in Ithilien.

I’m not necessarily on the same page with the broader culture on this point because a lot of people don’t seem to have this particular hang-up about their media and would (perhaps rightly) view too much of a focus on that kind of thing as extremely depressing, which is not what everyone is looking for in their pop culture diet! But I love and appreciate Tolkien for it anyway. And it’s probably no coincidence that a lot of those Name Only — or very close to it— dead guys are the ones I gravitate to the most easily in my own thoughts and fan fiction.

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 1

Propaganda:

Gerald Robotnik/Black Doom:

Scientist who wants to blow up the world and his evil alien boyfriend

Dude they had a son together and his name is shadow the hedgehog

They created Shadow the hedgehog together. Yes Shadow the hedgehog. This is canon. Theyre also super divorced just trust me on this.their old man yaoi is real

we as a society would not have shadow the hedgehog without their old man yaoi

old man fucks alien so he can bring his daughter back from space safely, gives birth to sad gay hedgehog

you KNOW they fucked

they’re shadow the hedgehogs dads. Like canonically. black doom is an alien god guy and gerald is eggmans grandpa who didn’t love him enough and gave him daddy issues. he also went insane after the government killed his granddaughter (who he loved instead of eggman) and tried to kill humanity :3 these two are like bitter exes to me. they’re both dead. the devil from the bible fucked that old man

Black Doom and Gerald Robotnik are Shadow the Hedgehogs dads. Gerald is a (silly, slightly insane) old scientist and Black Doom is a two thousand year old alien who wants to destroy the Earth. Its not canon but Shadow's gay dads mean everything to me. They kiss and hold hands on the space colony.

IM DOING MY PART!!! GERALDOOM SWEEP BAYBEEEEEEE!!! GO SHADOW’S GAY DADS!

Sheo/The Nailsmith:

It's really nice because you unlock it after the nailsmith asks you to kill him with the pure nail and you refuse and walk away. He then says he was wandering hallownest without purpose until he found sheo who helped him discover that there was more to life than just one calling. These two are probably the only characters in the game to have a genuinely happy ending

The nailsmith loses his purpose in life after finishing his ultimate masterpiece, his lifelong goal, the pure nail. He requests the protagonist to try the nail on him, but If you refuse, he will find sheo who helps him to find new meaning in life and realise that there is more to life by teaching him different crafts. They can then be seen sculping figurines together, and sheo is also painting the nailsmith.They share a common love for art and crafts and inspire each other. Sheo's story is that he was a nailmaster, but got tired of it, and put down his nail to pick up a paintbrush. I think it's beautiful that he could help the nailsmith realise what he himself did. They both also used to live in solitude without even realising how lonely they were, and I think it's cute tuhat they can do art together now :]

They are two bugs retired from their career and making better lives for themselves and they’re gay about it. Nailsmith believes at first that he has nothing left after creating the perfect nail and asks the knight to strike him down, and if you don’t, he meets Sheo, a retired nailmaster finding a new calling in painting and sculpting. They find a shared love in creating things and Nailsmith finds a new calling in art as well. The achievement you get for uniting them is called “Happy Couple”

Gay bugs gay bugs gay bugs (Cw mention of suicide) They both used to pursue their one passion in life: forging the perfect nail (sword) for the Nailsmith and the art of combat for Sheo. Sheo realized he could just leave that life when he lost his passion for fighting, and he found himself a new purpose in life: art. However, he always seemed very lonely, completely isolated by all other bugs in his hidden house in the middle of a thorn jungle. When The Nailsmith achieved his goal and forged the perfect nail, he lost his purpose in life and his will to live. He asks the player to kill him. However, if the player refuses, he can later be found in Sheo's house, modelling for Sheo or sculpting figurines with him. He thanks the player for not fulfilling his request, because he has found a new calling in life here, making art together with Sheo. They both express how happy they are to no longer be alone. This also gives you the "Happy Couple" achievement, confirming that they are a couple.

THEY'RE CANON!!! They're fucking canon!!! You can talk to them at one point after doing a Bunch of Stuff to get them to meet each other and you get an achievement called "Happy Couple"!!! Gotta love old man yuri

[dixons-sunshine]

Yielding Isn't My Middle Name—Chapter Two | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Chapter Summary: You and Daryl get a little bit more insight on your ambushers. The leader, Liam, is extremely suspicious, but you just can't figure out why. And to top it off, a certain secret of yours gets revealed that changes everything.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injuries.

Word count: 3.6k.

A/n: It's finally done. I powered through and got it done. Yay me! However, this chapter is pretty boring with limited action, but I hope y'all like this nonetheless!

Taglist: @dixons-girl89, @jupiter1700, @enlightndone, @shadowcitrine, @ddamm (comment/DM/inbox to be added!)

“I know, it's a lot to take in at first.” With a grand gesture and a big, inviting smile, Liam proudly showed off the beautiful landscape behind him, putting all of the luxuries they had on display for you and Daryl to see—well, as far as luxuries could go in a world ran by the undead. “But I promise you, as soon as you get settled into your new...” There was a slight pause before he continued. “...chambers, a wonderful life most certainly awaits you.”

The leader's voice barely reached your ears. The whole scenario baffled you; if they wanted you to join their community, why feel the need to ambush and kidnap you? Why tie you up and throw you in the back of a van, with a sack over your head to obscure your vision, most likely as a way to ensure you didn't know what turns they took? And why wouldn't they just ask you whether or not you wanted to join the community in the first place?

A million thoughts ran with the speed of light through your mind, but there was one thing you knew for sure; you didn't trust this Liam guy, and you certainly didn't trust this community. You could immediately tell that something was off. You couldn't figure out just yet what about it unnerved you so much.

“Dave, Marco.” At the sound of their names being called, the two guys who stood beside you and Daryl perked up, their backs straightening as they regarded their leader. “Make sure that the cooks make enough food for our newest additions. And,” he began, looking at you with a sympathetic look in his eyes. Whether it was real or not, you didn't know yet. “Call up doctor Miller and tell him to expect two patients.”

“Why two?” one of the goons questioned. He looked at Daryl in disgust, something that irked you beyond belief. “Only the sexy lady here seems like she needs it.”

From the corner of your eye, you could clearly see Daryl tense up. To the untrained eye, they wouldn't even have noticed the way the archer's body language shifted, but you caught it. Of course you caught it. You knew Daryl better than anyone, and you knew that he was getting more pissed off by the second. One wrong move, and that man was more dead than the monster's that roamed the earth.

“Jesus, Dave,” Liam reprimanded him, clicking his tongue and shaking his head in disappointment. “You knocked the guy out with some hardcore stuff. We don't know how much of the fumes he inhaled. I don't want to take any chances. Our guests need to be properly checked out.”

Dave grumbled something under his breath, but ultimately agreed. However, right before he and the other man, who you assumed to be Marco, walked off in the direction of a small building, he stopped next to Liam and whispered something in his ear. The leader nodded before waving him off. They left and soon disappeared, and your attention quickly got drawn to the leader again.

Liam turned back to regard you and your husband. His lips formed into a tight smile, his eyes squinting with the pull of the muscles. For some reason, the action sent a shiver up your spine, and definitely not the good kind you'd experience when Daryl softly traced his fingers over your back. You had a lot to be wary of, and this Liam guy certainly didn't make a very good first impression on you or Daryl. You were sure that your husband wanted to lunge at the man and pound his face into the ground with his bare hands, and you definitely didn't blame him. You wanted to do the exact same thing.

Liam motioned to someone over your shoulder. In moments, somebody was grabbing at your shoulders and hoisting you up onto your feet. You stumbled a bit, not tumbling back to the ground only because Liam stepped forward to steady you. You instantly jerked back, moving away from his touch. You would've punched him for even thinking of touching you when he was the reason you were probably light-years away from your friends and family, but the rope tightly binding your hands stopped you from doing so.

You heard grunting coming from behind you. You spun around and saw the same goon practically manhandling your husband, forcing him up to his feet. When Daryl struggled against his hold, the man decided that punching him would be a good decision. The sight of Daryl being knocked back down to the gravel unleashed a certain protectiveness in you, and you took a warning step forward.

“You stay the fuck away from him, and keep your goddamn hands to yourself!” you yelled in anger, moving over to your husband and sinking down to your knees beside him. You thanked your lucky stars that your hands were bound in front of you and not behind your back, because it allowed you to trace your fingers over his face, searching for any bleeding. “Baby—”

“M'alrigh',” Daryl mumbled, glaring up at his attacker, his eyes alight with the fire of a thousand suns. “Asshole punches like a girl. No offense, Peach.”

You gave him a small smile. “None taken.” You helped him sit back up with a lot of effort, your hands straining against the rope and getting rope burn in the process. You clambered up onto your knees and carefully stood up, struggling to maintain your balance. Daryl followed your lead, and soon the two of you were stood in front of the leader.

Liam gazed at the two of you thoughtfully, his face unreadable. His green eyes flickered between you and Daryl for a moment too long for your liking before he readapted his smile. “Sorry about that, mate,” he began, his gaze landing on Daryl before moving over to the goon that had just attacked Daryl a few moments prior. “Peter just doesn't know how to behave himself.” The aforementioned man cowered under his leader's gaze, something you instantly picked up on and locked in the back of your mind. “Don't worry, he'll be punished appropriately.”

“Sir, please, I'm so—”

“Save it,” Liam snapped, glaring at the man harshly. “You know the rules, Peter. All actions have consequences. Those are the rules. If I ease up on you, the next person will expect me to do so and order will be disrupted.” He stopped for a few moments, simply staring at Peter with an unreadable look in his eyes. “You are dismissed. I expect you to be in my office in two hours. If you're not, well, you know what will happen.”

Whether that last part was a warning or a threat, you didn't know. However, what you did know was that for whatever reason, this Peter guy was deathly terrified of his leader. He visibly slumped and averted his eyes from everyone as he hurried away, practically bolting as if being chased by something.

Now being left alone with Liam, your eyes locked with the man's green ones. You couldn't quite place your finger on it, but there was something wrong with the man in front of you. He reminded you a lot of the Governor, the more you thought about it, but at the same time, he was different. It annoyed you to no end that you couldn't quite figure out exactly what about the green-eyed man made you feel cautious.

Well, his men ambushed and kidnapped you and your husband, so that was a pretty good place to start.

“Once again, I am so incredibly sorry about that,” Liam started, his face adapting a look of sympathy. “Peter is a rather new addition to my ‘police force’, so to speak. He hasn't quite learned that we don't resort to violence unless it's an absolute necessity.” He stopped for a second, looking at you before sighing. “Miss, I truly am sorry about what Peter did to you as well. Please excuse me for saying this again, but you do look like shit.”

You couldn't understand what this man's deal was. Merely a few minutes ago, while he was surrounded by multiple of his men, he had seemingly mocked you about the injuries you had sustained. However, now he was apologizing and being sympathetic? What was this man's motive?

“Now, Daryl and Y/N, I believe?” Liam began, successfully gaining confused and guarded looks from both you and your husband.

“How the hell do ya know tha'?” Daryl barked defensively, straightening his back to appear larger—almost as if he was facing a bear.

Liam's lips twitched up into a small wicked smirk at the archer, but he very quickly disguised it with a welcoming smile. “I know a lot of things, mate.” He shrugged his shoulders and motioned to the farmland surrounding you. “I need to know things to keep my people safe. They depend on me, you know?”

“Still doesn't answer my goddamn question,” Daryl practically growled, taking a threatening step towards the man. “How the fuck do ya know our names?”

Liam didn't falter under the Dixon man's harsh glare. If anything, he straightened his posture and met Daryl head-on, his height adding an advantage over the archer. However, having known your husband for a long time, you knew it was time to intervene before he started a fight he wouldn't be able to finish. His hands were tied and Liam had who knows how many people to back him up. The two of you were heavily outnumbered and outgunned.

“Daryl,” you called to him softly, raising your tied hands to gently grip his shoulder. “I really don't think that's the thing we should be concerned about right now. It doesn't matter if he knows our names. What matters is that we have to get the fuck out of here. We do that by playing along for now,” you mumbled into his ear, quiet enough to not alert Liam of your plan.

Daryl glared at the leader of the community for a few moments longer before stepping back, sharing a determined look with you. You gave him a small smile before turning back to Liam, regarding the green-eyed man with a strained, fake smile.

“I'm sorry about him,” you began, your voice sickeningly sweet. You were taking a page out of Carol's book—you were playing the wolf in sheep's clothing, biding your time until you and Daryl could strike back. You could only hope that your earlier outburst towards Peter wouldn't be used to call your bluff. “It's just that we weren't brought here under the friendliest circumstances. And now you know our names and it's a bit creepy. He's being wary.”

“For good reason,” Liam replied with a nod, motioning for you and Daryl to follow him. You shared a look with Daryl before following behind the man, Daryl following close behind. “You can't be sure about the dangerous pricks that are out there.”

“Ironic, ain't it?” Daryl grumbled lowly, glaring at Liam through his hair as the two of you followed behind the leader. He received a slight jab to his stomach from your elbow, and he let out a soft grunt.

“You see, that's why we built this place.” Liam walked on and motioned to the fields on his left. There were multiple people working on the crops; some watering, some picking, and some planting. You couldn't be completely sure, but you swore you saw a faint glint of metal wrapped around most of the workers' legs. Were you just out of it from the pain in your head, or were those shackles?

“Well, built is the wrong word. We found this farm back when everything first went to shit. The crops and the farmhouse were luckily still standing. We... expanded, so to speak. We built the walls to keep the flesh eaters out and built more homes on the property to house our growing population.” He stopped and turned back to you and Daryl. “I hope you don't mind, but you'll have to stay in the farm house with me for the time being. We're busy building new homes but it won't be ready for another couple of weeks, maybe months.”

“Jus' one question 'fore we decide,” Daryl began, stepping forward. “Why'd ya have to bring us here by force? Why didn't ya jus' ask us to come here instead of kidnappin' us?”

Liam stared at Daryl with a blank expression on his face. His face didn't give anything away, and it unnerved you beyond belief. However, he soon gave the two of you yet another smile. You were genuinely starting to wonder if his face was starting to hurt from the excessive amount of smiling.

“There's a reason for everything, champ. However, not everyone is allowed to know my reasonings to the things I do. That's reserved for the people I trust. But do know that I did it for your own goods. Between you and me, that entire building was surrounded by flesh eaters. You most certainly would've died without my men.”

“Wha' the hell do ya know 'bout—”

“Sir? I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but Dr Miller is ready for the new arrivals,” a small, timid woman spoke up, gaining the attention of you, Daryl and Liam.

“Ah, Mariah,” Liam spoke, nodding at her in greeting. He turned back to you and Daryl, using his hand to motion towards the woman. “Please follow her to Dr Miller. He'll make sure to patch you up and ensure you're fit and ready for tomorrow.” He walked a few steps backwards and clapped his hands twice. “Welcome to Sunny Meadows! Come meet me in the farm house once you're done.”

With that, he turned around and stalked off, leaving you and Daryl alone with the woman, Mariah. The aforementioned woman turned to look at the two of you. She was nervously fidgeting with her hands, her posture slouched and her eyes couldn't decide whether to focus on you, your husband, your wounds, the ropes tying your hands together, or the ground. You were confused by her obvious fear towards you. What people was she used to dealing with? Did she really think that you were going to hurt her?

“Please follow me,” she stammered out with a nervous squeak, turning around and speeding off into the direction of the very same building those other men, Dave and Marco, had disappeared into earlier.

You hesitantly started following her. Daryl grumbled and followed your lead, glaring at any person who dared to lock eyes with him. You had to withhold your chuckles at your husband, knowing that it was neither the time nor place for that. Under normal circumstances, you'd laugh at your husband's antics. But not now. Not when your main priority was getting the hell out of that place.

You soon arrived at the makeshift medical building. You followed her in, taking in the pure doctor-like feel of the building. If you didn't know any better and somebody had blindfolded you and brought you here, you would've believed that this was a legitimate doctor's office. But you did know better.

A man, who you presumed to be this doctor Miller character everyone was talking about, placed a syringe down on the table and gave you all inviting smiles. “Welcome!” he greeted you enthusiastically—and rather loudly, too. You winced at the sound, being painfully reminded of the incessant throbbing in your skull. “You both look rather terrible. Who should I focus on first?”

“Owen,” Mariah began in a soft voice. “If I may, maybe the woman? She took quite the beating.”

“Peter?” the doctor inquired, shaking his head and sighing when Mariah nodded. “That man has sent more patients my way than any scavenging trip accident has. I don't even know why your husband still keeps him around.”

Wait, husband? Liam was Mariah's husband? Then why was he treating her like that? Why was she so scared of him? A million different possibilities ran through your mind for the obvious fear the woman held towards her husband, and none of them were good. Daryl's ocean coloured eyes locked with your eyes. He visibly shared the same confusion as you. However, the doctor's orders caught your attention.

“Mariah, is it really necessary to have their hands tied? I can see the irritation from here. Please remove their binds.” Doctor Miller stopped for a moment, regarding you and Daryl with a thoughtful look. “Sir, ma'am, speaking from experience, please don't try to run or attack once those binds are removed. Whenever there's a new addition, the walls are very guarded. You'll be shot instantly.”

Mariah gingerly removed the ropes from your arms and tried to remove Daryl's. However, your husband flinched back at the foreign touch, making the woman confused. You simply gently pushed her aside and moved over to him, starting to untie his binds. This time, Daryl stood still, and in no time at all, his hands were freed. He rubbed his wrists, the rope burns visible.

“Alright,” the doctor started. “Ma'am, please lay down on the bed. I'll tend to you shortly. Sir, you may take a seat on that chair next to the bed while you wait.”

You looked out of the window and weighed your options. However, the doctor wasn't lying; there were multiple guards patrolling the walls in the distance. There also were guards walking up to the makeshift medical building, most likely being sent to ensure you and Daryl didn't try anything.

You had no other option. You had to continue playing along.

You slowly walked over to the bed and laid down. Daryl hesitantly plopped himself down on the chair next to the bed, his eyes darting around the room. He was clearly trying to think of an escape plan, but he wasn't succeeding.

“Alright,” Doctor Miller began, walking out of the side room and rolling a machine out with him.

You instantly knew what that machine was. “No, doctor, you can't. No, don't—”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Daryl stood up from the chair and glared at the doctor, his mind instantly assuming the worst at your reaction. “The hell is tha'?”

“Sir, please relax.” Mariah walked up to the side of the bed, grabbing a tube of some sort of gel from the drawer. “We have some new equipment we've been wanting to test out. We found this ultrasound machine yesterday. We just want to test it out and make sure it works.”

Your heart stopped beating. All at once, thoughts of your unborn baby flooded your mind. You couldn't believe that you had forgotten about the fact that you were pregnant. With everything that happened, your mind neglected to remind you of that pivotal fact. And now everyone was going to know, including your husband who you had yet to tell.

“Doc, I don't think that's a good idea,” you warned him, pleaded with him, but the man didn't listen.

“Nonsense. This'll be over before you know it. It won't hurt, I promise you.”

“Ma'am, can I lift your shirt?” Too frozen to answer her, you simply stared. Deciding for you, Mariah lifted your shirt a bit and opened the tube with the gel. “This might be a bit cold.”

The cold was the least of your worries. You had taken quite the beating. What if your baby was hurt? What if your baby was dead? What if the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat? All of those thoughts flooded your mind, so much so that you barely heard Daryl talking to the doctor.

“Why does she need'a do tha'? Can't some other chick do this?”

“I was going to ask someone to come in today to test it, but she's here now. Might as well get it out of the way.” Doctor Miller started with the exam, placing the object on your stomach and moving it around. At first, the screen didn't pick up a thing, and that made you want to cry. However, the steady thumping of a heartbeat could soon be heard, and a small figure appeared on the screen.

“Oh, wow. That's a strong heartbeat,” Doctor Owen Miller told you with a smile, the ultrasound depicting a growing baby. “Congratulations, you two.”

Your heart was attempting to jump out of your chest. It was amazing to you that the little blob on the screen would soon develop into a baby, your baby. You would pick out their name and scavenge for things for your little one, and you're sure Daryl would—

Oh, god. Daryl.

Slowly looking over to your left, you locked eyes with your husband. Instead of finding the love, affection and adoration that usually swam in his ocean coloured eyes, you found something else. You found anger, shock, worry, but above all else? You could see a renewed sense of determination in his eyes.

The archer was pissed at you for hiding your pregnancy and convincing him to let you wander beyond the walls, but he couldn't think about that. He had to get you to safety, away from these monsters. He had to keep you and your unborn baby safe.

The doctor should've heeded your warning. The doctor never should've insisted to take an ultrasound. Because of doctor Owen Miller, Daryl Dixon was determined. Daryl Dixon was going to tear that whole place apart, and anyone who dared to lay a finger on you would meet an agonizing end.

The people of Sunny Meadows were going to pay.

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

[itsonlybaby]

𐙚ᣟ݂﹒𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 - 𝐛. 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞﹒

◜♡﹒﹒𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭﹒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭﹒𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

playlist !

Bellamy Blake - Shallow Valley

꒰ ୨୧ ꒱ ⸝⸝ In a world where Clarke made it to the ring when the second praimfaya hit; you thought you were the last person on Earth, until the group came back down, landing in Shallow Valley. ﹒ 　 ⊹ 　⤷ cw: smut, porn with some plot, nsfw

When the second praimfaya hit I was in Shallow Valley, it wasn't the missiles that killed them, it was the radiation. The valley seemed to be the only survivable land after that, everything else being buried in layers of sand and debris.

I spent the first year clearing the rubble from atop the bunker with a rover that I found buried in the sand, I had given up when I couldn't open the hatch. I tried everything. Banging, rope, prying, but nothing. I could only assume they were dead and ran out of food, or clean water.

I spent the next 5 years alone, with my own thoughts, speaking to the fish in the water. I hadn't known about the spaceship or the ring, so I was terrified when I saw a small ship landing.

I heard the ground rumble below me, shaking the table I was sitting at. I quickly jumped and hid in the bushes as I watched the ship land.

My heart was pounding- I was sure they could hear it from inside the ship.

After a while, the ship door opened, and out came seven people. I watched as they explored my village, talking about what must've happened.

"We need to get to the bunker," A tall, blacked haired boy with freckles spoke, his voice was powerful.

"They will be there tomorrow Bellamy, we should rest now," A blonde girl stood close next to him. So his name was Bellamy.

"I agree with Clarke, not like they have anywhere to go," A short-haired guy said standing next to a shorter lady with the markings of a nomad.

"I for one wanna eat real food, no offense Monty." A girl with a ponytail chirped up, walking with a limp toward the small lake, "Might be some fish left!"

The short-haired guy followed her, and so did the nomad. Leaving only Bellamy, Clarke, and three others.

I had debated coming out of the bush, telling them that the hatch wasn't able to open, that we were the last living people, but I just couldn't. I was scared.

It was beginning to get dark so they began lighting the fire when a guy with dark hair noticed something.

"Six years and the ashes are still perfectly fine...?" He muttered, drawing the attention of Clarke.

"Monty, what's wrong?" She asked, coming to stare down at the fire as well.

"The ashes..." He repeated, "We're not alone." Monty said louder, loud enough for everyone else to hear as they began looking around.

"I'll go get the others!" A dirt blonde girl spoke up, already running towards the small lake.

It wasn't long before the girl came back with the others, they quickly got to work doing a thorough search of the village houses.

What if they had found me? Tortured me? I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Bellamy shout.

"Search the woods!"

I knew I had to run to the rover, but where would I go? There was no more survivable land and provisions weren't stocked in the car to survive a year.

Before I could even make a run for it I felt someone grab me from behind.

"Already done." I heard her say, her voice was deep.

She dragged me to the middle of the village where everyone gathered around, watching as I scrambled to my feet, my eyes wide with fear; like a deer in headlights.

"Why were you hiding?" Bellamy spoke up while crossing his arms, studying me intently. "What's your name?"

Looking between each of them I realized this was the first time in 6 years I was face to face with another human being and not a fish.

"Y/n..." I managed to get out.

"Great, she can barely speak." The boy with blue eyes said.

"Shut up Murphy," Clarke looked towards him then back to me with a sincere face, "We aren't here to hurt you, we thought everyone was in the bunker."

The bunker.

"They're dead," I muttered, my voice full of fear that was slowly fading.

Bellamy suddenly grabbed my shoulders, causing the others to try and pry him off.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice growing louder, "How do you know?"

My eyes started to water at his tone and the tight grip he had on my shoulders.

"The hatch, it wouldn't open, I'm sorry."

"No, no, we go now, Murphy and Emori stay here," Bellamy said, letting go of me and walking towards the rover, the rest of them following suit. Murphy only scoffed and rolled his eyes

"You won't make it!" I shout, causing them to face me. "The sandstorms, they get bad at night, the rover won't make it."

"That's a risk worth taking," He said, only to be stopped by Clarke.

"Bellamy, if what she's saying is right, we need to wait till tomorrow."

Bellamy looked to the sky and sighed walking towards me again.

"How do you know they're dead?" He asked, he didn't grab me or yell at me this time, though I understood why he was upset, it was the rest of the human race after all.

"The hatch needs to be open from the other side," Monty spoke up, looking in my direction, "Did you try banging on the door?"

I scoffed in reply, "I spent a year banging on it, every day I drove from this valley to Polis." It was my turn to cross my arms, "And before you ask, I tried prying it open."

"If only we could melt it open," Raven said, she meant it as a joke but it made me remember a certain memory.

"The flowers..." I spoke softly.

"Flowers?" Monty asked.

"When crushed and mixed with the berries it becomes almost like acid," I explained with a smile.

"Why didn't you try that before coming to the conclusion they were dead?" Murphy asked, he seemed to be the mean one of the group.

"The air wouldn't have been breathable anyway," Clarke defended me, "Let's get some rest then save our friends."

Everyone had agreed and went into pairs for the houses, Bellamy pairing himself up with me since he didn't trust me yet.

I guided him to my house, it was small with only a dinner table and a bedroom, which only had one bed.

"Can you turn around while I change?" I asked him.

After a few seconds of him debating he nodded and turned towards the wall.

It didn't take me long to change into my small nightgown, it was black with white lace lining the top and bottom.

"You can turn around now," I said, preoccupied looking in the mirror and taking down my hair.

When he turned around he was shocked at the length of it. I could see him staring in the mirror, and a sly smirk crawled onto my face as I turned around to face him, a blush formed on his face.

It was only now I got to really examine him, his face was clean, and his eyes were a deep shade of brown, making the freckles on his face show more along with his sharp jawline. The curls atop his head were messy, he was fairly attractive. Despite the jacket he had on you could tell his muscles were defined.

Clearing his throat he shrugged off his jacket, revealing his toned arms that I couldn't help but stare at.

I crawled under the fur blanket, making enough room for him.

"I'll sleep on the floor," He spoke, grabbing a pillow from the bed.

"Why?"

He didn't reply.

"It's only weird if you make it weird, it'll be cold down there." I wasn't sure why I wanted him next to me, why I cared for a guy I met 3 hours ago.

He thought about it before nodding and climbing under the blanket as well.

The bed was just big enough for both of us to fit, our arms touching as a result.

"I can't sleep on my back," I murmured, the sudden wave of awkwardness washing over us both.

"You can turn over." He said, still facing the ceiling. When he said this he expected me to turn over to face him, so when I turned my back to him and he felt my ass on his hand he was surprised.

Bellamy moved his hand quickly out of respect.

I heard his breath hitch, and with a smile I moved my ass closer, now rubbing against his hip.

"This won't end the way you want it to." He breathed out.

My heart was beating fast, I could feel myself getting wet by the second at the thought of him touching me.

Bellamy soon turned facing me. My ass pressed up against his bulge as his hand slid under my body, pulling me closer to him.

My breath became erratic when I heard him unzip his pants, the feeling of his dick on my thigh made me shiver.

"You really want this, princess?" He asked, beginning to line my neck with kisses and hickeys.

"Please."

He lifted my leg slightly and lined his cock up to my entrance, parting my lips with his tip. I let out soft quiet moans at the feeling.

Bellamy thrusted up into me, and the room became full of breathy moans as he went deeper into me. His grunts only turned me on more as they were right in my ear, his breath making the side of my cheeks feel even more hot.

The feeling was painful while I adjusted to his size, grabbing onto the arm below me for support; surely leaving scratches.

"So good for me," He whispered into my ear.

I started grinding myself on his cock, needing more and more, Bellamy had stopped all movements and just let me fuck myself for him. The hand above me roamed my body, leaving his touch everywhere. I grabbed a hold of his hand and guided it to where I needed him the most.

Bellamy got the memo and started rubbing my clit while I fucked myself on his dick, the newfound pleasure was addicting.

He struggled to hold himself back and started thrusting into me once more, going much faster than I could.

"Fuck, Bellamy." I moaned out, arching my back into him, "Please, don't stop,"

"Don't plan on it, princes," His fingers began working faster around my clit, the feeling was overwhelming as my climax reached closer and closer.

"Cum, princess, it's okay," He whispered, kissing my ear and neck.

I had tried to hold off but couldn't, the familiar feeling washed over me as I came onto his dick with a loud moan, I could've sworn id seen stars while he was pounding into me.

His fingers never stopped as he fucked me through my climax, the feeling soon becoming over-stimulating. I grabbed onto his hand and tried to move it but he wouldn't.

"Too much, Bellamy," I whined, the feeling of his cock hitting my sweet spot every time and his fingers circling my sensitive clit was enough to make me cum a second time. This made Bellamy smile, knowing he could make me feel so good.

His climax was creeping over him as well, my two orgasms pushing him closer and closer to the edge with every clench of my pussy.

The breathing in my ear became erratic and grew louder, his hands quickly moving to my hips to fuck me even deeper and hold me still.

After a few more inconsistent thrusts he swiftly pulled out and finished all over my lower thigh with a loud groan, shallow breaths following after.

My pussy had been left feeling empty, already missing the way he filled me so well.

Once we had caught our breaths and processed the situation Bellamy took off his shirt and cleaned my thigh.

"I'll get a new one," He spoke softly after throwing it to the floor.

I only hummed in response, curling up against his now bare chest, exhaustion rapidly catching up with me.

Bellamy smiled at the sight of me cuddling him, he hugged me close and traced shapes into my shoulder with his finger while whispering sweet nothings into my ear while I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I didn't know what this meant for us, but I knew whatever happened, I'd be fine with him by my side.

◜♡﹒﹒𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭﹒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭﹒𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[izzabela]

Hello there! Can you write about the reader writing a note to ask one of the Lin Kuei brothers (your choice) on a date but it goes to the wrong brother (your choice) by accident and accept the offer, but during the date, the reader ends up having a good time with the brother of your choice? 😁😁

Switcharoo - Tomas x male!reader

in which you get two brothers confused

a/n: haven't done a male reader in a while. sigh, middle-aged man yaoi...

ship[s]: tomas vrbada x male!reader

warning(s): fluff, anti-brother split kanon (aka, my own world)

As a strategist, your mind was constantly filled with ways to overcome the enemy.

Ambush attacks, traps, long or short term plans, all cards were available in order to win.

So the fact you had a cork-board in your room, with pictures of people and items pinned and connected with red thread, you knew you were in deep shit when you realized you had to strategize over and against your heart.

To make it even worse, you were strategizing your love for your clan partner, Bi Han. Grandmaster and leader to the Lin Kuei, a family with history spanning back to the ancient times of classical China.

You learned many things about leading, and though your family hasn't been around that long, the advice he gave was sound and firm. You appreciated his guidance, his ability to nurture you and still be reasonably firm. Tough love is probably the easiest way to go about describing him and his leadership.

That's the reason why you love him so much. He could be so strong for you and in front of others. He knew what he believed in, standing firm in them, and he had the strength to back it up. You wanted more than just the long nights in his office together drawing up strategies. More than training buddies.

You wanted to know why he was so devoted. You wanted to know him past the business hours of 8 am and 8 pm (midnight, if you guys are burning midnight oil to create plans). You wanted that special privilege of knowing him better than anyone else.

His brothers knew those questions, and hanging out with them was still just as special.

Kuai Liang is your older brother/reliable neighbor persona. He's confident, yet kind enough to humble himself when teaching the initiates. He praises you when necessary, and also guides you when you struggle in something. And the fruits, the amount of fruits he's given you and his brother when you two stayed up really late was insane.

Tomas follows suit in Kuai Liang's steps, though he's more of the younger brother you wished you had. Well-behaved, playful when time permits, and an optimistic young man, he was a jack of all trades. He got along with you the best, and you both complimented each other well in terms of battle and personality.

Back to the drawing board (literally), you look at the impressive plan you conjured up in asking Bi Han out: write a note asking to meet with him, take him out to Earth and to this amazing restaurant, go to the lantern release night that the local lake was hosting, and end the night watching the stars.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy- right?

Wrong. So dead wrong.

It all went wrong the next morning, when you didn't double check whether you wrote his name on it. Not only that, but the fucking paper disappeared from your desk.

Not only that, but all three brothers have been staring at you nonstop. You tried to ignore it, but even Bi Han stared at you- and that's what made you twitchy and shifty around everyone. Still, you pushed through the day as if it was normal.

As night fell upon the Lin Kuei compound, you waited patiently in front of your room's door for Bi Han to come to you. To offer his arm and hold it as you two walked together to Earth and go on your date.

"Ah... (y/n)?" a light voice calls your name.

That for sure isn't Bi Han.

Your head snaps up like a cow interrupted from his grassy meal, and your eyes meet a, oddly attractively dressed, Tomas.

He's in simple black linen pants, a grey tee, and some slip-on sneakers. His hair is a bit unkept, but it fits the style of "woke up like this", and he pulls it off effortlessly.

By the elder gods, had he always been this handsome?

"T-Tomas? What are you doing here?" you ask, head looking around for Bi Han.

He's looking at you with a puzzled face, "You asked me here? The note you gave me... was that not addressed to me?"

You both have a comic book moment: look at each other, look at the note in his hands, and back at each other. Oh elder gods, you fucked up.

You crumple in yourself, back hitting your door as you slid down and hid your head in your arms. Tomas is nervous, frantic as he kneels to your level, unsure of what to do. You sigh deeply, heavily- any synonym that describes the dread that plagued your soul.

"It was... it was for your brother," you answer truthfully. "I had begun liking him over my stay here, and well.... I wanted to ask him out."

Tomas smiles, tapping your shoulder as he holds a hand out for you to grab. You look up from your safe haven of barred arms, and you notice how oddly happy he is.

"I know that I was not your choice originally," he begins, "But you must've spent a long time figuring this all out. Knowing you, you must've planned a map out in your room connecting even your choice of words!"

You blink first, before bursting out in a laugh. Taking his hand, you're lifted from the ground. You're not going to pester him now, but later you will ask if he peeped in your room.

Tomas flips open the paper note again, "So, the first stop was a restaurant? What's served there?"

"Wait," you stop him. "You're actually going?" You re-clarify with him again, and he nods.

"As said, you spent a long time with this, no doubt. Why not use it instead of sitting around? Maybe it'll be good practice for the real thing."

You nod, staring at him for a couple more seconds before moving to his side to walk together. From your room, down to the courtyard and entrance, you enter a portal and are transported to the front of an barbecue spot native to your town.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Korean barbecue! My family had been talking so much about it, and Johnny took me and I fell in love. All of you like to eat, and I figured this might have been a good spot for Bi Han..."

Tomas chuckles, "Brother is a stickler to his diet. Often times, he does not fall into cheat days or any corner-cutting. Kuai Liang or I would be the ones who enjoy the big meals."

You nod, "Mental note."

Entering in, you two were immediately guided to your table, and you picked out meats that suited both of you. Tomas chose the lean beef and some of the fatty pork, though you were a wild card of foods.

As the meat you ordered was coming out, you two drowned out the noise of your grumbling stomachs with casual conversation. Tomas played finger games, like sticks, as he talked about his week. Initiates, missions, personal training, paperwork- the whole shebang on running a clan.

Instead of making it sound like a record player, he retold his stories like a novel. Filled with little anecdotes of the world around him, little mentions of his friends and brothers, and personal insights on his view of his family, it was more than enjoyable to listen to him ramble on.

He was a song you'd hit replay over and over again.

Even through dinner, as he took over grilling the meat and veggies, he listened to you as you talked about your day. How you spent the entire last few weeks to conjure up a plan for Liu Kang. How you felt crushed about the responsibility of leading your people- the ups and downs of your life was like a poem to him.

One he could reread over and over, without getting bored.

Gosh, the date too. He fed you with his chopsticks, slathered your meat with side dishes, even got up to get you both bowls of rice because you didn't want to get up. His love-language is definitely acts of service.

Once dinner was finished, you had lied to him in saying you're going to the bathroom. In reality, you were going to get the bill before he'd notice.

"What?" you asked the waiter. "What do you mean it's been footed?"

The young lady just nods, "Your date, I presume, paid earlier."

You look back to Tomas, who sat in his seat patiently and quietly. When he saw you, his eyes lit up as he waved. You wave back weakly, and he stands up to meet you as you're about to head out.

"When did you have time to foot the bill?" you ask him, nudging his shoulder playfully.

"A sorcerer never reveals his secrets," he held a finger to his lips, winking.

You slapped yourself, probably out of fear, probably out of horniness. Whatever it was, you wanted to move on to the final portion to the date.

The lake the lantern night was being hosted on was nearby, just a couple of blocks away. It's also good to get the gas released.

As you both walked, the conversations never died down. From running after one another, piggyback rides, and casual hand-holding, this night felt way better than any other date you had been on.

As you two neared the lake, you immediately light up (haha so punny) at how many lanterns have been lit and written on. Flashes of colored pen on the fabric, the chatter of the various couples and families, it filled your heart with joy.

"There is a festival like this back at home," Tomas notes as you two walk closer to a volunteer. He grabs the lantern and cheap marker, and you egg him to go on.

"It usually happens in February and March. Lunar New Year, our special tradition of sending lanterns up in the air near midnight." You smile softly, the thought of Tomas in the Lin Kuei's traditional attire warming your face.

You turn away quickly, taking the fabric from his hands as you write your wish. He sets up the metal frames that are to hold it up.

"What'cha writing there?" he asks, peeking over your shoulder as he's halfway done with the lantern frame. You hid the fabric in your chest, head close to his, and his lips dangerously close to yours.

You pull away, but the glimmer of the metal catches your eye. He's finished with the frame, and now he sits waiting for you to be finished with the fabric and your wish.

"Take it, it's your turn to write anyways," you shove it into his (deliciously plush) chest.

Like a child, he turns his back to you as he scribbles away on the fabric. You try to peak over like he did, but he's so much bigger than you, and an inch of movement is enough to cover everything in front of him.

Worse, he already slipped it over the lantern.

"Hey! You saw my wish!" you yell, trying to pounce and grab the lantern. He holds it up and away, your arms flailing uselessly as you jump and grab nothing but air.

"Are you two ready?" another volunteer asks, a lighter in her hands. Tomas quickly rushes over, setting the lantern in front of her to get it lit up. At this point, you were getting pissed.

You can't let him know that you wished for Tomas to like you.

Yeah, yeah, how the mighty have fallen. Something something, switch-up- all the names in the book for your flip-flopping feelings. Is it your fault though? With Tomas here, it's actually been good because you finally reevaluated your feelings about Bi Han.

You never liked Bi Han, you liked the idea of what he could be. You liked Bi Han with the idea of someone else's personality- and that person was Tomas.

Tomas swiftly, yet gently, lifts the lantern up into the air, and you pout and whine over the fact the words Tomas wrote for his wish grow tinier and tinier. You sigh, laying on your back to the grass as you catch your breath.

"Sneaky bastard, what did you even write?" you ask between exhausted breaths.

He just repeats the same message he gave you earlier.

"A sorcerer never reveals his secrets," a playful smile accompanied with a wink.

You stare back at the lantern that now joins with its brethren in the sky, a collage of light yellow hues against the dark evening. The words of the people around, wishes and hopes, collided to create the manifestations of the humans around you.

As you watch the sky, Tomas watches you lovingly, the thoughts of his writing overtaking his mind.

I wish for a shot, not a practice run. With him and only him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay definitely not a burn out anymore, i fear i'm cooking with requests again

though, requests are gonna remain closed because i am setting up new things i'm writing for

aight see yall in the next fic!

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': The Outpost

As per many people's requests, I've collected a series of texts and Facebook messages from Doug when he watched certain episodes of everyone's favorite Copy Paste Boi show.

Some he was quite pithy on ('Ryan-from-Accounting goes fast but not fast enough to get away from the Bitch Wife Laura'), and others...well, he got excitable, to put it mildly.

Here's one of the more deranged ones, Season 2, Episode 12, 'The Outpost'. Or as Doug calls it: "The Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special."

CW for Language like you wouldn't believe. Doug says "you'll need a permission slip from your momma to read this, I guess."

-----

Daddy Warcrimes is waiting by the Empire's equivalent of a windowless van, because comfort is just not his thing and he really wants the experience of smuggling cocaine across the border one of these days.

Some bitch who looks like she works at a bank is telling these clones that their extended warranty is up. I wanna bring her a bag of pennies and make her count it before I deposit it because I'm sick like that.

So here comes in SOME BLOND JACKASS. Mother of Hell do I hate this guy. Can I just tell you how much I hate him? I hate him like I hate the Crimson Tide, like I hate February, like I hate my mother-in-law. Hate hate hate. 

So Daddy Warcrimes, SOME BLOND JACKASS, and some homies get into Floating Probable Cause to lay waste to an unsuspecting Third World country or whatever.

Well, I was wrong! Looks like Elsa and her frozen fingers took over this dump. Disney owns both, so why not. The cold never bothered them anyway. Nope, they’re at somebody’s nasty old storage shed. Why does this remind me of visiting my sister in Wyoming?

Oh, who is this no-frills, salt-of-the-earth, son-of-a-bitch? Is that tanned Kurt Russell? No? It’s Sassy Park Ranger! I like him already. If he was my boss I’d actually show up to work on time and sober, or late and hung over, either way, it’d be a good time with the man. He just seems cool and chill and a nice dude. I bet he’s got homemade beef jerky in his locker and his beard always smells like cigar smoke. 

OH SHUT UP STUPID BLOND JACKASS, Jesus Christ I’ve never wanted to hit someone with a folding chair so hard in my life. CALL HIM COMMANDER.

Aw, Sassy Park Ranger’s being nice to Daddy Warcrimes, maybe Daddy Warcrimes will share the Columbian nose candy in the back of the van with Sassy Park Ranger, and Sassy Park Ranger won’t ask about the sobbing family Daddy Warcrimes is probably holding for ransom in the back. It’s all about understanding each other. 

This is truly the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas special, snow and friendship and stuff. I hope this doesn’t end up with Daddy Warcrimes 86’ing Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer from the sky, that would traumatize the children. But this is the same studio that produced Bambi so who knows. Didn't he try killing a kid the first episode?

Oh man, Sassy Park Ranger’s lost a lot of his men, that’s real sad. Only two left, Jesus. SHUT UP BLOND JACKASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

(I won’t repeat it, but the amount of times that SHUT UP was texted was….something else- Dr. MM)

Sassy Park Ranger’s taking Daddy Warcrimes on a hike around the place in the middle of a blizzard, probably going to say hi to the yeti hooker they all frequent and show him how to write his name in the snow with pee. He’s such a good guy. If they go sledding I’d be so happy.

Oh, shit! Daddy Warcrimes remembers that he has a job and proceeds to cop some poor bastard in the leg so he can follow the trail of blood in the snow. What in the Fargo am I watching here, does Steve Buschemi show up at one point now. No sledding in this one, I guess.

Well there goes Sassy Park Ranger and Daddy Warcrimes on a heartwarming romp following a crippled burglar in the snow as he bleeds to death. Kevin McCallister would be so proud. Well, now, they found a dead body already. You know, at this point, if Daddy Warcrimes capped Santa in the head this show wouldn’t be less wholesome. 

Aw shit Daddy Warcrimes stepped on a landmine, but Sassy Park Ranger watched his training videos that HR made them sit through and disarms it. They’re having a nice convo, I really, really like Sassy Park Ranger. If he dies I’ll be so freaking mad. 

(I said nothing, FYI - Dr. MM)

Aw shit, they found the bunker of crazy white people with guns in the snow. It’s confirmed: the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special takes place in Wyoming. Are Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger facing off my brother-in-law and his branch of the VFW near Laramie? Those guys need hobbies besides doomsday prepping and getting drunk in the snow. It ain’t right. 

“After all we sacrificed”…man. I feel right here. Is this the child friendly version of Enemy at the Gate? Shit. Please these two bastards need to survive. I need a beer and I wanna hug my wife.  

Dr. Meat Muffin, please don't tell me you're letting your babies watch this show. They need that dog from Australia who has fun with her daddy, not this.

Oh shit, avalanche! 

Oh no, Sassy Park Ranger. Oh no, oh no. Oh, Daddy Warcrimes.

Thank Christ they made it! They’re gonna save him! They’re gonna save him.

Wait. What. 

WHAT THE FUCK, BLOND ASSHOLE. 

I HATE THIS JACKASS SO GODDAMNED MUCH, SOLDIER OF THE EMPIRE, I WANNER SHOVE MY SOLDIER UP YOUR EMPIRE YOU STUPID DICK. 

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Yay! Daddy Warcrimes finally took out his gun and 86’d that FUCK. CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!

Man...I hope this ends okay for Daddy Warcrimes. I hope his brothers aren't just dicking around somewhere warm while he and the other bros are out dying.

Guess that'll be next episode?"

....Doug snapped SO HARD watching 'Pabu'. Brace yourselves.

[the-silver-peahen-residence]

||Entangled Chains and Crimson blood||

~~Reserved Crime Au with @demon-blood-youths~~

Everyone knew who he was. They all feared him and his name. Now who could that be you ask? Well, his name is Ryomen Sukuna A.K.A the king of curses or the Disgraced One.

Within New york, he's well known to be the most dangerous and powerful man on earth. Not to forget, he was filthy rich. Billions to Millions of dollars under his hand where no one dares go against him. He's also the head leader of being sure other criminal underground gangs/fractions/yakuza gangs/organizations etc didn't do something to get them caught or worse; him. They knew the punishment if they did.

He was seeing things going well in his town and things were calm. Or almost. Right now, he got a message from one of his underdogs speaking about some activity in one of his hidden clubs downtown.

From the report, he read some of the police have been getting complaints that it could get his business noticed in a bad way. Turns it it involves human trafficking. Now, he couldn't have that can he? So, he was having his driver take him to the club as he was looking ahead, his red eyes looking ahead as the street lights pass.

"....." Sukuna was going to stop the problem himself since the other idiots didn't get it. After a few moments, he encounters the club as the car stops to see him get out and goes for Sukuna to open the door stepping out. It was cloudy this night too. What a pain. He looks to his club seeing the lights not flashing, the music was off leaving a dead silence from inside but he goes to walk towards it. No one else was here but he only raised a eyebrow to keep walking and goes inside. From in, it was a mess. Seems whatever happened left a mess and a bloody one.

He was walking forward with some back up following him with guns to ensure no one would attack him. Though, Sukuna didn't need anyone to protect him since he can do that. Or get lapdogs to do it. He keeps walking to wonder what happened touching a table with blood on it.

"........" This was indeed going to alert the police.

"You." He sees one guard walk over.

"Yes sir?"

"Get a clean up crew in this place. I don't need the police trying to run this place out. Be sure it's done and nothing left. Understand?" He asked seeing the guy nod nervous.

"Yes sir." He said going to do that. Sukuna watches him go with the others to call a clean up right away. Before he turns to lead, his eyes noticed one of the back doors open showing a body but their was grunting noises. "....."

Which he and his group heard. They wonder where or what made that noise before hearing a loud gun shot. They got Sukuna to go to the door to check it out with the others following him. He goes down some stairs to hear the noises more clearly now. Was their someone still here? The heavy smell of copper was present as he keeps walking to get to the bottom.

Seems the report was right, a yakuza gang had taken over his club and was in the work of human trafficking. He wonders if the remaining Yakuza was here that made him annoyed to know. He walks down the hallway seeing a main room that must be where it started.

He walks over with his guards to see them waiting to attack but giving the signal, one kicks the door down to aim but tense seeing inside. Sukuna looks but was quiet to see. The whole room was soaked or drenched in blood, bodies of the dead Yakuzas were there. Some had bullet wounds, others had things stabbed into them, their eyes ripped out or bodies hidden. However, that's not what caught Sukuna's eyes.

Their was a young female there standing in the middle, she was holding one of the dead Yakuza members shirt while panting heavily. She was covered in blood from head to toe, looking like she snapped and killed everyone here. He heard her heavy breathing like a wild animal that just completed a hunt. The others got scared seeing her but keeps their guns aimed as Sukuna looks to walk inside.

"Mister Ryomen, wait!" One said loud enough by mistake that will get them noticed.

[rainycloud444]

HEAR ME OUT. SPICYNOODLES STORY IDEA.

‼️Season 5 spoilers btw‼️

For this idea, the two had only established feelings for one another recently and haven’t discussed a relationship (considering they are in the middle of a world ending mission so they decided to have smth to look forward to after all of this mess and wait)

Also Mk was forced to stay with Nüwa for the sake of the plot. OR chose to stay idk you can decide. 🫶🏻

Red is there when Mk has to jump through the portal and stuff to save the world, he is completely heart broken. He isn’t able to reach out to Mk in time to stop him. He is on the ground screaming sobbing Mk’s name, fire is just fuming all around him (I like to personally head cannon that if he is upset enough/in major distress his fire color varies from blue to white as it gets very hot.) out of impulse he decides to open a portal to the celestial realm and leave with no explanation. Just gone.

Red actually GOES TO THE CELESTIAL REALM. AND DRAGS MK BACK TO THE MORTAL REALM. (How boss would that be??)

And I was thinking at the end he just arrives back to Flower Fruit Mountain where everyone met up in ‘memorial’ for Mk and Red just tiredly (incredibly beat up) walks up the mountain with a sleeping Mk in his arms. Everyone is just gobsmacked by this, and of course are in tears and stuff. Red collapses from exhaustion FINALLY (cause he knows Mk will be safe and he can rest *cries profusely*)

Later on Mk wakes up and all of that fun stuff. His friends all greet him and blah blah blah and he is all like “You guys are so amazing for doing this” and they are all like “Um- we did NOT do that, Red did” and he is all like “Pardon 🤠” utterly flabbergasted LMAO. (I was thinking the reason they didn’t try to do the same was because they thought yk, Mk was dead dead as in fully gone disappeared into the earth gone, and Red was just in utter denial and knew it was some sneaky ass celestial realm shit. Sooo that was his motive!) Obviously not because he doesn’t think Redson couldn’t do it but because Red loved Mk so much he ripped through the celestial realm, almost fucking died MULTIPLE times, AND LITERALLY HAD TO GO AGAINST THE CREATOR OF LIFE HERSELF (You can decide on how that would happen. I personally imagine it as a bargain of some sort) just to save him. And bring him back home with no scratches (on Mk)

Of course they see each other Red all bandaged up and Mk is sobbing like “Omg you dumbass why did you do that for me” and Red is all like “Your the dumbass who jumped into the portal to sacrifice yourself. And you are plenty of worth destroying the world and celestial realm for, I wouldn’t want them anyways if you weren’t there.” And Mk is just internally melting and sobbing. And and then Red son makes a stupid joke about not getting a goodbye kiss which makes Mk laugh and then they kiss.

A little bonus: Redson goes down in history for being a force to reckon with when it came to his lover (insert cool historic sounding love story title) and his parents are super proud of him all that fun stuff 💪💪

I MIGHT TRY TO WRITE A STORY BASED ON IT BUT I FEEL LIKE I WOULD OVERWHELM MYSELF WITH IDEAS AND THEN JUST COMPLETELY LOSE MOTIVATIONAL LOL so I am hoping this falls into the hands of some great people!! 🫶🏻

(This song gives me this story energy 😫)

[alientimes]

🀥 ᴀʟʟ ᴄᴜʀꜱᴇꜱ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ… ᴇᴀʀᴛʜ?

➩ No good curse likes a nice view! (1)

Last thing Sukuna knew, he was being pummeled into the ground by some stupid brat and his friends. It was all an unlucky turn of fate, of course, but it still happened. He was dead. He should’ve been dead. Hell, he felt his body turn to dust. So why was he staring at a stupidly cheery blue sky in the middle of nowhere? 

Slowly, Sukuna sat up. A (rather nice, he had to admit) field of grass could always have enemies (perhaps some named Gojo) lurking in them, of course. To his disappointment, there were none. He patted himself down, noting the lack of two, rather useful, extra arms. Instead of being in his beautiful, shirtless, loose-white panted glory, he was in some stupid white t-shirt and very tight jeans. That somehow, after noticing an odd feeling under him, could fit stuff in miniscule pockets. The stuff mentioned so happened to be a wallet, and it was one he thought was way too plain to fit the king of curses. Still, he flipped it open, revealing a thick wad of green papers stuffed into yet another miniscule pocket (compared to the money). Though it wasn’t quite useful to him, as it appeared to be USD, and he was in the middle of nowhere. A flimsy card slipped out of another pocket (how many of these were there?) and after trying and failing to pick it up a couple of times, he found it was an ID card. He had seen a few of those in the brat’s body.

Since when was his name Sebastian?

How shameful. The once great, strong(est), powerful king of curses Sukuna Ryomen reduced to some random guy with pink hair, one face, and only two arms named Sebastian Ryouke. Well, at least he was still tall. And it seemed he could read English now, because he managed to puzzle his way through the entire ID card. It might need a little work, though. 

With all these downsides, Sukuna could hardly believe that this was another chance at life. Another form of punishment, maybe. But as he sat cross-legged in that field (for a little longer than he would admit, looking back on it), Sukuna came to another realization. This was a chance. Although he had never been interested in human politics, laws, and whatnot, not like Kenjaku was, he could certainly get into it now. How hard could it be to rise to the top within a couple of weeks (or months, but that was being generous)? He had thousands of years of experience. And these flimsy humans? Maybe twenty. Taking over would be easy. He could start another empire of being the best, the strongest! And this time, in an entirely different country and a new name, there would be no Gojo Satoru, Maki Zen’in, Yuta Okkotsu to stop him. There wouldn’t even be an Itadori Yuji or Fushiguro Megumi (he thought with a shudder). And would you look at that? Just past the disgustingly bright rows of flowers, a city. Not just a town, or a village. A whole city of people to manipulate. Of people to beat up. Of people to bow down to him. It was the best starting place he could think of. All he needed was to get there. Well, that and getting a place to live. It couldn’t be that hard, with all the money he had stacked up in his wallet, right?. He even had a credit card (also gained knowledge from Itadori). It was like whatever placed him here wanted him to go right back to the way he was, and it was great. This was going to be so easy. City domination would be easy. And his first step, house hunting, would be even easier.

i'm sorry it's so short 😭😭 i have school tomorrow and it's really late and this entire thing was acted on impulse 😭 next chapter will be a lot longer i promise! i'll try to get it out by next week at the latest but sadly no promises :(

all curses go to earth masterlist

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

I'm still thinking about banner bearers as I continue working on my Obscure Blorbo Guthláf story, and I do find it impressive how much context about the banner bearer role Tolkien shoved into LOTR in barely half a dozen sentences' worth of small references.

For starters, there are (by my count) 3 acknowledged banner bearers in Lord of the Rings: Halbarad of the rangers of the North, Guthláf of Rohan (♥️), and an unnamed Haradrim standard bearer. I reject the distinction Tolkien made between so-called high, middle and low Men, but it is notable nonetheless that he created a banner bearer character from each of these 3 groups. That shows how universally important the function was, at least to communities of Men, just as it was extremely common in the real world for many hundreds of years of human history. All kinds of Middle Earth's Men have them, no matter how different the Men are from one another.

In addition, all 3 of the banner bearer characters die at the Pelennor Fields, which effectively illustrates how incredibly dangerous a job it was, both in Middle Earth and real life. Given how intentional Tolkien is about everything, I think it's fair to assume that he purposefully killed all of them in recognition of the realities of ancient warfare. (The only banner bearer I can think of in any Tolkien book that survives their war is Eönwë in the Silmarillion, but he's an immortal Maia so...TOTALLY different circumstances.)

And finally, Tolkien shows us how significant the loss of a banner bearer was to both sides in a battle. When Théoden kills the unnamed Haradrim standard bearer (just before the Witch King rolls up), that's the moment when the forces of Harad founder and start to flee because they've lost their rallying point and their source of morale. They can't function without their banner bearer. On the opposite side, Théoden cites his felling of the black serpent flag to Merry as one of the singular achievements that will allow him to sit proudly alongside his ancestors in the afterlife, so he clearly also understands taking out a banner bearer to be a massive battle achievement.

We don't witness Halbarad or Guthláf’s final moments, but their deaths are just as significant. Out of the untold numbers of dead at the Pelennor Fields, they are both in the small handful of names to be recorded in the story because they were important and their deaths meant something to the broader battle. And we see in the immediate aftermath of Guthláf’s death what a huge deal it is to the Rohirrim—they stop to address his death and retrieve his banner so that it can be borne by another before they even take the time to tend to their mortally wounded king. Those are the actions of people who understand how strategically important a banner bearer is above almost all other battlefield functions.

I'm not trying to say Guthláf is more important than Théoden* but I am saying that Tolkien really demonstrated, through a handful of very economical little actions and asides and unremarked-upon events, how critical people like Guthláf were, as well as how ridiculously brave and selfless. And more than anything else, I guess I’m saying that now, as I approach 27,000 words about Guthláf in my Google docs, he’s…on my mind a lot.

*At this point, I would absolutely say this for myself. In my heart, there's no contest and it's Guthláf forever. But I know that’s because he’s my special li’l guy and I don’t expect that of anyone else!

[jingleshoes]

~~Blinked Out~~

Chapter One

SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE WHO HASNT FINISHED TMA OR SEASON 1 OF TMP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was a cold night and honestly weren't all of them? everyone was already well into their work for the night, working on cases, marking them, and sending them off, the only weird thing was...well...none of those voices Alice had affectionately named had really come up yet, maybe that wasn't too uncommon but there would at least be one going every hour and a half or so...but no...none of them, until Sam finished up one of his cases and started onto the next one was Chester, Sam seemed surprised and paused it before he could finish the first few words

"Hey Alice, Chester's back!" Sam announced with a smile earning a Excited cheer from Alice

"Ayyy! My favorite Spooky robotic voice! guess he couldn't stay away from you to long hey Sam? how does it feel having more game with a weird old text to speech then actual human beings?", Alice asked with a smug look as she leaned back in her rolling chair and Sam rolled his eyes "Ha Ha yes very funny Alice, just thought you'd be happy to hear.", Sam said with a smile as he focused back on his computer and Alice shrugged and looked back to her own work as Sam pressed the space bar again to unpause the voice and listened to the case as it droned on, near the middle though, Chester stopped reading and Sam looked back to the case

"what..?" Sam muttered as he tried to read where Chester had left off but then Chester went off script entirely. "where am I? I should be dead. he killed me. I told him to! it hurts- it hurts to think! we where supposed to be together" and after that the computer appeared to turn off entirely, Sam rolled back a bit , seeming scared and Alice looked up a bit passed the dividers

"you alright ? Case get to you again?" Alice asked as she sat straight a bit only to see Sam stammering

"the-the-the uh- the computers broken I think is all- Chester uhm- wasn't saying the case? like usual?" Sam said as he looked from Alice to the computer before seeing a hand reach out of it and he screamed "holy shit!" Alice yelled, falling out of her rolling chair as Sam got out of his chair in terror, Gwen was out, and of course their boss was in her office at the moment so, Celia was just walking in from the breakroom with a mug of coffee

"hey what's all of the - hhhhaaAA! whaaat the hell is that!?"she yelled in a panic as she dropped her mug, clearly any tiredness she felt before retrieving the coffee had completely left her due to the adrenaline rush of fear as one hand became two hands, reaching out on either sides of the computer and throwing out a man with long salt and pepper hair partially tied up and dressed like some depressed college professor in a winter jacket, he looked like he had been hit by a car but no one around seem to car what he looked like cause he just crawled out of a computer, huffing and puffing like he had been running for his life moments before! The man from the computer looked up at everyone a moment, blinking and wincing as though he was in terrible pain, and with a groan he tried to get up off his hands and knees but as he did this he only fell back down "damn it." the man said and he fell back to the floor, turning himself over to stare at the painful light of the ceiling, Alice, Sam, and Celia all looked between each other not knowing what to do or what was going on "uh- Excuse me ??Who on Earth are you?" Alice finally spoke up only for Jon to look that way and after another moment he sat up and stared "I...I'm the...I'm Jonathan Sims... "he said as though he was asked by a paramedic after a car crash. Celia looked at Alice and Sam and then in her panic, slowly backed up into the break room hoping to be forgotten in the background, Alice stared at Jon and Sam seemed flabbergasted by the name drop "you're...you're Jonathan sims?- You cant be- Jonathan sims is- he's dead!" "you know this guy!?-"Alice said quickly before being interrupted by Sam

"well no! he's!- I was- HE has been dead 20 years! I don't know who this guy is!" Sam said "I do not like being talked about like I'm not here." Jon said as he started to sit himself up and look around, he didn't feel that connection with the eye he had when he was on the ...it was gone...but somehow still there? like before the Eyepocalypse... it was an odd feeling but not as overwhelming he didn't feel like he was as powerful as before.... he felt sick... he wasn't the one reading all those cases, though it was in fact his voice spouting off story after story, so he felt tired, he felt hungry, he felt... sick. "well sorry! Man from computer- if we need to discuss amongst ourselves about a random dead man emerging from the depths of our- definitely cursed old shitty computers!" Alice retorted before watching Jon pass out to the floor as Alice and Sam both stared "shit..." "yeah..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY this is end of chapter one - and my very first fan fiction EVER so- hope you like it- i will hopefully have the next chapter in soon

[bookshelfdreams]

(sorry I'm still thinking about 20 y/o children's fantasy book Tintenherz & sequels by Cornelia Funke, please move along)

the mo/staubfinger dynamic is so insane like

you have this guy who is dropped into a wholly unfamiliar environment, literally transported into another dimension and there's only 3 people who even know this happened to him, only 3 in the entire world; and out of these 3, 2 came from the same place as him, sure, but those 2 are also his worst enemies who he has a very violent history with

and then there's mo. the whole situation kinda is his fault, true (at least in staubfinger's mind it is and who could blame him) but he's also the only person on earth who at least sort of knows what happened to him and who probably won't brutalize him

plus they both lost the loves of their respective lives to another world at the same time but that's cool that's just the cherry on top at this point

like are you telling me they didn't form an extremely intense emotional bond forged of lots of conflicting things, of grief and anger and hate and longing. with the only other person in the world who knows what happened, who they do not have to lie to, who they can maybe find the facsimile of comfort with, even though it's painful and weird and probably kinda unhealthy (but then again, the whole situation is fucked)

and! mo clearly also knows that proximity to staubfinger is dangerous, tries to get him out of his life, leaves the city with his young daughter in the middle of the night just to get away from him

(as it will turn out, justifiably, because staubfinger is so homesick and heartbroken, he will sell mo out to the aforementioned enemy eventually)

and that's all before the story even starts!

and then

AND THEN

(yes it gets more intense than that)

staubfinger does eventually make it back home and mo follows soon after because their lives are linked now, the narrative will not let them be apart for too long and it almost kills him but he lives, is reborn as a part of this new world

but you know who does die?

staubfinger.

and mo literally calls him back from the dead, goes into the underworld to rescue him, makes a deal for his life (both their lives) with Death herself, calls him by his name and drags him back into the light

which forges a literal soul bond between them that makes them know each others thoughts, feel each others feelings

and we're supposed to be normal about that

[antiracist-tolkien]

Harad Through Fandom Eyes

Plenty of people acknowledge that LOTR's Haradrim, Easterlings and Variags are racist. However, I've seen less discussion about how fandom adds even more racism into the mix. This seems to be mostly because many people have very little knowledge about West Asia and North Africa, aka WANA [Why say WANA/SWANA instead of Middle East?] and what anti-WANA racism looks like.

I'm going to focus on Harad because this is the region that we know the most about. If you need a brief refresher:

Harad, or Haradwaith, is the region south of Gondor. There's a long history of violence between Harad and Gondor which dates back beyond Gondor even existed, to when Numenorians colonised Harad and repressed the people. Since then there were multiple wars and for long periods of time Gondor occupied parts of Harad. The Haradrim fight for Sauron in LoTR, partially due to their hatred of Gondor.

Harad is divided into two. Near Harad is strongly North Africa coded, and Far Harad is sub-Saharan Africa coded.

(Image description in alt text.)

Tolkien uses multiple different names to refer to the people of Harad (Haradrim, Southrons, Swertings, etc.) However, these seem to be the people of Near Harad, who he differentiates from the people of Far Harad. (There's some serious anti-blackness in this next quote, so skip over it if you need to. I only put it here as evidence that the use of Haradrim/Southrons in LOTR refers to Near Haradrim.)

[...] Easterlings with axes, and Variags of Khand, Southrons in scarlet, and out of Far Harad black men like half-trolls with white eyes and red tongues. - Return of the King

There is more to say on this than I would be able to fit into this post. There's a discussion to be had about Tolkien's textual and real life relationship with Black people. There's also a discussion that needs to be had about how Tolkien's racism is often excused with the idea that he was a 'benevolent' or well-meaning racist, a product of his time. It's an excuse that ignores the violence of quotations like this and the way that he wielded his whiteness against Black people in academia and writing.

I don't have time or space for those discussions in this post, but I want to acknowledge them.

What I want to discuss here is fandom portrayals of Haradrim. I'm not going to talk too much about the in-text racism, because that has been extensively covered elsewhere. But in summary:

The idea of the good white guys conquering the lesser brown 'Men of Darkness' is inherently racist

Tolkien's description of the Haradrim, such as repeatedly describing them as a cruel and warlike people, is also racist

The one paragraph where Samwise feels empathy for a dead Haradrim soldier does not lessen the racism.

With that out of the way, let's talk about fandom.

There's a gaping void in the information we're given about the Haradrim, so of course fandom attempts to fill the gaps. Fans often take inspiration from WANA. But many fans don't actually know that much about WANA and don't realise how much of their perception of it is based on racist and imperialist propaganda.

In fannish depictions, Harad all too frequently becomes an exotified fantasy that pulls from Western perceptions of WANA. Orientalist ideals of a mystical, magical, and yet dangerous place predominate the fannish idea of Harad.

The first thing that you should know about WANA is that it's an extremely culturally, religiously and geographically diverse place. If your depiction of Harad is entirely desert, or made of a culturally homogenous people with a narrow range of skin tones and features, you need to expand that. Equally, depictions of Harad as more 'socially backward' than other areas of Middle Earth stem directly from racist propaganda.

Too many stories write Harad as misogynistic and homophobic, often in direct contrast to other areas of Middle Earth. As many WANA people have pointed out, these kinds of sweeping generalisations are often specifically targeted at WANA because of racism.

Mysterious cursed objects from the 'far away lands of Harad', decadent sultans, the fetishization of cultural practices like belly dancing; these are all forms of Orientalism. Female characters may be sexualised, shown as seductresses or members of harems. (By the way, Westerners tend to have a very incorrect understanding of what harems actually are/were. They were the part of a Muslim household reserved for women and pre-pubescent boys. It was outsiders who perceived them as fundamentally sexual spaces and created the modern tropes of sexual harems.)

Male characters may be violent, cunning, greedy, dangerous and strange. There may be public executions and enslaved peoples, regardless of the complete absence of a textual basis. All of these things stem directly from racist ideas of WANA as 'barbaric' and 'uncivilised'.

In fact, Haradrim were once enslaved by Numenorians. They were victims of violent colonisation that continued into the days of Gondor. They have every reason to hate the 'Men of the West' and fight against them.

On a final note, the most major and dangerous WANA stereotype is the portrayal of WANA people as terrorists. This isn't a trope seen in Tolkien's works because it's primarily a post-911 phenomenon. But it's something that you must be conscious of if you're writing about Harad or other WANA-coded regions.

[tropinano]

A Descriptive List of Celtic Fiction Podcasts

Reminiscent of fiction podcasts like TMA, Jack of All Trades etc... If you enjoy anything horror-comedy, general horror or narrative podcasts check these out!

note: Thank you for the reccommendations! I've added them to the list.

Scottish

Middle:Below by Tin Can Audio - A horror-comedy about a fella called Taylor, he can travel inbetween the regular world and the 'middle' realm, and seems to be the only one...until!! He has banter with a charismatic ghost man called Gill and has a pet cat named Sans(?). Good sound quality and fun times.

The McIlwraith Statements by Ghostly Thistle - A monologue narrative about Sarah McIlwraith, recounting her mysterious involvement in the famous 'IPP' study. Dark academia vibes. The narrator has an absolutely lovely voice and accent!

Caledonian Gothic - Descriptive like HFTH, storytelling but the serious tone borderlines silly. If you like I Have Seen Niagara, you might like this! States it's true crime, true stories, but also promises magic and narratives aswell.

Irish

Neighbourly by Matthew O.K Smith - A horror anthology podcast about a creepy neighbourhood and the residents within. Stunnin' narration, with really good stories. I got pretty far in and it uploads every Monday. Great stuff.

The Switchboard by Hog and Dice Productions - A 'daily radio show' horror podcast set in a LIGHTHOUSE. HELL YEAH. It's got some funky sound design and some good stories. Both this and Neighbourly have lovely Dublin accents, and nice stories as usual.

Petrified by Peter Dunne and Liam Geraghty - An award-winning horror anthology podcast with very captivating and realistic dialogue. Unsettling and uneasy feeling it gives me. Main guy Teddy from the 'Dead Air' prologue is defo northern! I want to emphasize the realistic dialogue, it's great. Haven't heard him yet, but this podcast also has CECIL BALDWIN acting in it. Give it a shot!

In Darkness Vast by Hammergrin - A sci-fi podcast with some characters with funky names like Doombuggy, Earthfrank and Nervejump. Wolf 395 vibes, Nervejump is a silly AI lady up to shenanigans. Has some fun voices and sound design. Don't know much about it but it's made in Cork!

The Outside Tapes by Liam Brett and Evan Daly - Classic casette tape horror drama. Alfie Greaves is a journalist investigating a bizarre series of events that are all somehow connected. I love Alfie's voice because he has the same accent and inflection as me so it's very lovely to listen to! He is investigating deaths, so it seems to be a nice mix of Magnus Archives and Death by Dying.

Welsh

Seren by Robin Howell - A short sci-fi about Seren flying through the stars to terraform a new planet. Going by the trailer, it sounds great! Some Cymraeg right off the bat. Great stuff. Gives off some melancholy vibes, and has a funky spaceship AI voice.

Gather the Suspects by MadeUp Audio Productions - A groovy-opening theme mixed with a promising murder mystery. Set in Wales "during a very boring apocalypse". Promises relatable characters, procrastinators, mystery and humour.

This Foul Earth by John Tucker - A comedic, easygoing series (from what ive heard so far) in which everyday Welsh people describe a story they believe deserves to be archived for future generations. Clever writing and good vibes!

as always if youse have anything to add rb and pop it in the tags, these are all very underrated and theyre all quite good and high quality! have a good evening yall

[ornii]

Following that sort of crossover with Batman… what if a kind family from Smallville (Kansas) sent their son to Nevermore so he wouldn't have to worry about using his growing powers without fear of being rejected or having his true origins discovered?

I do Like The DC X Wednesday Crossover ideas of Teenage Heroes living at Nevermore.

The God Among Men

The Ride from Kansas to Nevermore was a toll. The dead silence, the unnerving wait of what’s to come. It all was a bit, too much for (Y/n). The boy say in the backseat with his bags, oddly quiet now. But it can all be directed towards the incident that happened at his last school, which lead to a few first degree burns and a hole in the roof. That is when the truth came out of his origin, a child born not from earth but from another planet. Soon his powers began to manifest from it all, turning him into a monster as some would say. The only place that could possibly assist him was Nevermore academy, the academic boarding school for “Freaks.”

“(Y/n), such a.. unique name.” Principal Weems, the head of the school at Nevermore and was more than such, tall, beautiful, elegant. Jonathan and Martha Kent, the parents of said (Y/n) sit across from her with their child in the middle, a bit awkwardly smiling.

“It’s a Name We gave him, something strong and passionate.” Martha says as Jonathan nods.

“Our (Y/n) is, different from the normal students and, we’re scared they’ll Bully him for it. Nevermore seems the place for different people.” Jonathan explains to Weems who nods.

“We’ll Just from looking at you, you don’t have any physical abnormalities I can decipher.” Weems says and stands up. “Can I ask a assessment of your, abnormalities?” She asks, and (Y/n) awkwardly shrugs.

“Sure.. i can fly, punch pretty hard, and nothing really hurts me, and.. I can..” (Y/n) says, but trails off, getting more somber.

“He can, I guess shoot lasers from his eyes.” Jonathan explains for his son. “They can be.. dangerous…” he says. Weems notices the slight awkwardness and smiles.

“Then you will fit on amazingly here, come we’ll show you to your dorm in Hamlet Hall.” Weems said, and the small group walked though Nevermore.

“You arrival was actually a bit short notice, we already had a student come last week, Miss Addams, perhaps you two will get along as new students.” Weems continues to strut leading them to the dormitory. After unpacking and giving his mother and father a Solemn Goodbye, he watches the car drive down the hall and the boy stands there, and reluctantly prepares for his first day. Sitting within his dorm room he places a picture of himself and his parents on his baseball tournament win, after hitting one of the most famous home run swings, but little did he know it was the trigger for his super strength, I guess that day was tainted. His attention was suddenly cut off by the dorm door opening and he looks up to see his dorm mate. Ajax.

“Oh you’re here already? Cool.” He says with an oddly slow enthusiasm. He walks over to fist bump (Y/n) who, a bit confused agrees.

“You must be Ajax, nice to meet you.” He said as the guy nods.

“Yeah I was busy with Enid, we Uh, that’s not important I guess, nice to meet you but for your own safety we probably shouldn’t look at each other.” He said, which raises the brow of (y/n).

“Why?”

“I’m a, Gorgon.. we don’t look at each other, wind up a stone statue.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that with me.” (Y/n) responds trying to jest.

“So, what powers do you have? Most in Nevermore got some freaky stuff about em.”

(Y/n) looks a bit worried but slowly builds up the courage to tell him. “I’m.. an alien.” (Y/n) said, and Ajax just stares at him for what seems to be forever.

“Like, E.T?”

“…No?”

“Aww.. anyway it’s, been cool. I’ll show you around tomorrow if that’s cool.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” (Y/n) responds and smiles, trying to make the best out of this situation. “Nice, I gotta head back out for some club stuff, be seeing you roomie.” Ajax says before heading back out, (Y/n) sits there and ponders more about his situation. Being sent to a new school, finding out you have powers beyond even what most monsters have, it’s a lot to take in. It’s best to sleep on it, hoping tomorrow brings better insight.

The next morning, Ajax was giving (Y/n) the causal Nevermore Tour. They enter the large social area, and (Y/n) sees the various groups, teams, and cliques.

“See, you got vampires, Werwolves, Ghosts, Sirens, and a few small ones like gorgons.” Ajax explains, (Y/n) notices a blonde haired girl who giggles and waves at Ajax.

“Who’s that?” He asks.

“Enid, She’s a Werewolf.” Ajax explains, but also has this sheepishly happy smile when he looks at her, (Y/n)’s eyes slowly scan the girl next to Enid, who stood out like a very sore and bleeding thumb. All black, dark hair, piercing eyes.

“And the girl next to her?”

“Oh that’s Uh.. Wednesday Addams. Total terror, best to stray from her.” Ajax says, and (Y/n) nods.

“Uh, Yeah.. i guess. She’s a bit scary..” you admit.

“That’s funny coming from a guy who says he can shoot lasers out of his eyes.” Ajax says smirking, unfortunately for him, Classes began and (Y/n) checked his schedule, and his first class was Mrs Thornhills Chemistry. Making his way there he chose not to mingle with anyone, keeping to himself mostly. Entering the class he notices the almost full seats, and Mrs Thornhill at the head of the class.

“Ah. Mr Kent, The Next Transfer, our class is slightly packed so, you’ll be seated next to.. Ah the other Transfer, Miss Addams.” Thornhill says, much to the shock and slight anxiety of (Y/n) he cautiously walks to the seat and sits down, feeling the intense tension in the air at this seat, he turns and tries to introduce himself to the jet black raven sitting next to him.

“Uh Hey, im (Y/n) Kent, Even though She already said that…” he says, realizing how dumb he just sounded. She turns her head slightly in his direction.

“Wednesday Addams.” She responds calmly and with meticulous detail. And she just turns her head back, completely different ignoring him now, he sighs and also looks forward a bit sad. His attempt to make a friend was a total failure.

Night Falls on Nevermore and as usual (Y/n) was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Ajax was gone for some “Club Activities”. (Y/n) waited until he was Sure Ajax was gone, he then walked to the window and opened it, the warm air sky filled his nostrils. He takes a running start and leaps out the window head first, suddenly his body halted in the air and he chuckles, and begins to fly, soaring though the air and around Nevermore, letting the dreary landscape be his ariel teacher, the wind blowing in his hair, the pressure against his skin all felt so, surreal. His travels along the sky were halted by music playing so perfectly, it was a melodramatic version of paint it black, and the chords, the strings were so enthralling that he had to see who was playing that, his attention turns to the large window clock tower like room and he slowly descended to the origin of the sound. And he was met to Wednesday Addams, playing. He couldn’t resist listening, and just watching her as she’s lost in the music. She finishes and lower her string, her eyes slowly look up to (Y/n), levitating before her, the two lock eyes finally and they stare at each other, (Y/n) in Amazement of her music skills, and her clandestine beauty, and Wednesday in Amazement of his abilities to fly, and his almost shocking appearance. The two stare for what seems to be forever, perhaps not wanting to spoil the moment, or..

Having ulterior motives.