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esotericbluntbaby · 1 day ago

Note

HIIIII i love your writing style so bad, i came on here to request something and then i see you doubt your own writing which is crazy cuz they're all good!!! can i request hamzah and reader in something worse than a situationship so she brings out like someone attractive along at a party or something (it could literally be a gay man that offered to help her idk) to see if it'd make him jealous and it actually does. IM SORRY if you get too mant jealous hamzah requests but i just yearn for him, PLS have angst in the beginning 😭😭🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼.

worsened aches

hamzahthefantastic x reader

description: though toxic and envious, you realize that your situationship had to have gone through the worst in order to better itself for the sake of you and hamzah.

mentions: angst (expect it at this point), yearning, posessiveness, toxicity in a situationship out of confusion, she/her pronouns, both hamzah and reader are equally mean to each other so hopefully it cancels out, a guy making you uncomfortable and grabbing your hand, a fight scene, happy ending, sfw for the most part

listen to partynextdoor while you're reading lol. specifically make it to the morning or resentment but honestly any will do <3

"you're literally fucking crazy- what are you talking about?"

you and hamzah were currently going at it like two players on rival teams. though your relationship, or lack there of, was toxic and overly complicated, you both stayed in the same rooms you fought in because of the loneliness that consumed the both of you. obviously, arguing wasn't fun, nor was it ethical for the sake of your mental health, yet, bickering with someone else was somehow better than spending your nights alone and depressed.

you met hamzah because of how loud he was. you were, and still are, his neighbor who moved in a couple months ago. getting annoyed of the lack of sleep, you decided to march over to his apartment in the same manner that the guardsmen stomp in front of the royal palace; they had the queen to defend, while you had your sanity to fight for. over time, the friendship and simultaneous rivalry stemmed from that night and bloomed into the situationship you have right now.

you and hamzah technically aren't anything; technically, you and hamzah are nothing more than just friends who occasionally act coupley to fill the voids that call you to jump out of windows and balconies. you both were lonely, creating a seemingly win-win situation. he comes over whenever he needs someone to cuddle at night, or more than cuddle, and vice versa. it's been a system that's worked out for about eight-ish months now.

as all situationships do, it was bound to crash and tumble like hurricanes over the ocean. over time, the lack of a label caused more problems than einstein could sold. neither of you had a complete understanding of the boundaries you each wanted, nor did either of you want to risk creating a more serious problem than what it seemed to be by talking about it. so, over time, resentment built itself up within the foundations of the connection between the both of you as communication began to settle in the roots of the ground it was built on.

the night started alright; it was simple making out, occasional pecks on the cheeks and forehead, and constant physical touch. he even bought you food and fed it to you while you two sat on the couch and watched comfort movies. your presence was enjoyed as much as his was. it was normal that whenever hamzah was over, you'd completely lose sight of the bad parts of the connection you have after any part of him would touch you. however, the mood quickly changed when hamzah answered the call of another girl while on your couch. watching his smile expand at her words as you were cuddled up right beside him caused a pit to grow within your chest. it felt wrong. technically, given that you two were friends, it wasn't; however, the fact that he was all over you two seconds before you both heard the ringtone was, in fact, wrong. you moved away, distancing mountains and seas between you two on his couch, as eventually the call became silent and he hung up. you wouldn't speak to him. growing annoyed, he forced you to speak, to which you called him an asshole for "damn near flirting with a girl in front of you." thus, his gaslighting begun.

"hamzah, what do you mean, 'what's wrong with me?' what's wrong with you?"

he scoffed, "fucking nothing. nothing even happened- i have no clue what you're talking about. why are you making something out of nothing?"

"that's so fucking mature. you told me to talk, didn't you? or did i just make something out of nothing again?"

"oh my god, that's not what i meant- dude, why are you even mad? it's not like i did anything."

you raised your eyebrows, "my head was literally on your lap while you were flirting with her."

he slowly emphasized his words, "i wasn't even flirting with her."

"you made your voice deep like you were fuckin' neil degrasse tyson, are you joking? and what the hell was she saying that was making you laugh that hard?"

he put his hands up in defense, "it's not a big deal. so what if jess called me and i laughed when she told me a fuckin joke? it's not that deep."

your body felt like it was rising in temperature, "you're actually such a liar- we both know that it was that deep, bro. that's literally how you laugh with me."

"why does it matter if that's how i laugh with you?" he made a noise between a laugh and scoff and looked back at the television, "it's not like we're dating."

he was right. you weren't dating, so you can't be upset. you knew you mostly wanted that reassurance that he wouldn't find someone else while messing with you on the side, though you assumed that hamzah wasn't like that. you've had the run down of a bad dating history and horrible ex's and, yeah, hamzah was kind of bad. however, hamzah was bad in a way where at least it was to your face, unlike the infidelity and lies in your past relationships. unlike them, the worst that hamzah would do was get defensive over an argument or say something that was a little too mean on accident because he was genuinely just speaking his mind. honestly, the touch and treatment he gave you during the times you weren't bitchy towards each other evened out the slight toxicity; actually, even surpassing it. however, this was too far. this was a lie and you knew it. it was a lie that he specifically told to hurt you on purpose.

sure, maybe you could've gone a different direction with confronting him and maybe you were too aggressive with your accusations; but at the same time, you were also hurt that he would do that in front of you, as your head rested a couple of inches away from his heartbeat. the intimacy of the setting the both of you were in was overtaken by a green bogeyman; envy in its personified form.

the room fell silent as he kept on watching the movie. he only looked at you when you sniffled from tearing up so much. you guys have argued in the past, but never have you cried in front of him; this was vulnerability that you allowed to seep through you like sunlight seeps through the roots of a plant.

his attention was now fully on you, "are you crying?"

"hamzah, i want you to get out of my place."

"wait-"

you stood up and began to walk through the door, "let yourself out the door and don't come back. i'm done."

three weeks without him had passed and you were an emotional wreck; a wreck that was so bad that other cars on the road had to stop to see it for themselves. throughout the stages of grief, you were currently on the acceptance stage. you hadn't left you apartment ever since that night out of fear that he'd be leaving his, next door. a couple of times, you heard the knock that you two made for each other to signify that it was the other person at the door. with each knuckle to the wood, a pang in your heart thumped harder and with more rigor. luckily, it only lasted a total of a week before he stopped coming over.

since any romantic encounter or even simple things around your house reminded you of the man next door, you were going to continue to rot in bed whilst watching horror movies. however, the plan was quickly changed when rey, the gay man you met at a club a couple of months ago, decided to text you.

rey :p

5:42 pm | hey boo

5:42 pm | i haven't talked to you in forever

5:42 pm | how r u?

you

5:43 pm | im horrible

5:43 pm | u rmbr the guy i used to talk to u about

rey :p

5:44 pm | the one that was ur bf but also not ur bf?

5:44 pm | like the one that u showed me a pic of and i said he had the same eyes as central cee

you

5:44 pm | yeah

rey :p

5:44 pm | what'd the bitch do

you

5:45 pm | he was genuinely being an asshole

5:45 pm | he literally picked up the phone right

rey :p

5:45 pm | mhmmm

you

5:46 pm | it was a girl

5:46 pm | i was laying my head down on his lap

5:46 pm | and i guess she was the funniest person in the world or smth bc he was laughing his ass off like a fucking idiot

rey :p

5:46 pm | bro hell no

5:46 pm | r u serious

5:47 pm | r u okay

you

5:47 pm | bedrotting lowk lol

5:47 pm | haven't gotten out of my bed in like a full three days

5:48 pm | idk i guess i js miss him

rey :p

5:48 pm | it's reasonable

5:48 pm | im going to a party tn

5:48 pm | come with meeeeee

5:48 pm | maybe u just need a distraction

you

5:49 pm | idk rey

rey :p

5:50 pm | go get dressed and pls shower dont be stinky

5:50 pm | ill pick u up at like uhhhh 8ish

you

5:50 pm | fine

you were two drinks down when rey was only tipsy from one drink. being the designated driver, he didn't want to overdo it; yet, he reassured you that he'd take care of you throughout the night. you were simply enjoying his presence; however, given that it was his friends' party that he was going to, occasionally you were left by yourself leaning on walls or sitting on couches and getting up when a couple started to make out on the leather right next to you. after a while, you began to regret going; the more you were alone, the more you thought about how hamzah would be towering over you like some sort of bodyguard in order to make sure that nobody spiked your drink.

as you were zoned out and thinking about him once again, you suddenly came into focus when rey went up to you and gave you a side hug. confused, your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at him.

"are you thinking about him again?" rey asked, taking another sip of his seltzer.

you sighed, "is it that obvious?"

"if you wanna go home, i can take you. i'm sorry if i pushed you too hard to go out- i just didn't want you to stay home crying over some boy."

"no, yea, i get it. thank you, really, maybe i just needed to go outside. are you ready to go home?"

"i was just gonna drop you off and come back."

you didn't want to seem like a burden; rey was only trying to help you with coping. to have to drive a whole thirty minutes just to drop you off and come back seemed like too much to ask for; after everything that happened with hamzah when it came to begging for communication and reassurance, you hated seeming like you had too much to ask for. so, you took a deep breath and began to brave the waters even more; this was new territory for you that you were now forcing yourself to become familiar with for the rest of the night.

"no, it's okay. i'll stay- i kinda don't wanna be alone," you half-lied.

he put his hand on your shoulder reassuringly, "are you sure?"

"yeah," you sipped the vodka cranberry out of your red solo cup, "i'm sure.

"well," he began to give you a hug with his back facing the front entrance, "if you do wanna leave, tell me."

you hugged him back, "i will. thanks, rey."

unwrapping his arms from you, he walked in the direction of the party as you still stood near the entrance. however, you soon realized that his body was blocking the very sight you tried your best to avoid; hamzah was standing right in front of the doorway, dressed in one of the outfits that made you weak. standing with his friends, his hard expression fixated on you as he realized that some other guy was on you the way that he was. you locked eye contact, sensing the tense gaze he scorned towards you. you decided that it was time to go to the bathroom.

sitting on the cold tile for about twenty minutes helped ground you to the reality of your situation. you came to this party hoping to escape the emotions that he made you feel after basking and bathing in them for the past three weeks, however, the same guy appeared right in front of you at the worst time possible. you could go one of two ways: go bother rey and make him drive thirty minutes to and back from your house just to drop you off, or to stay in the bathroom.

considering that someone knocked on the bathroom door as you were pondering, you decided to choose neither of the options and chose a secret, third one: to stay so that rey can enjoy his night.

leaving the bathroom into a relatively empty hallway, you felt an odd stare as you walked past a tall man holding a beer in his hand. you heard and felt his heavy footsteps right behind you, trailing after you in the dark area. you started to walk quicker towards the end of the hallway, reaching the entrance to it that led to the living room where a couple of groups of people were.

"where are you going, pretty lady?" you heard from behind you.

you ignored him, finding his remarks uncomfortable and weird.

you felt his breath on your neck, "y'know, it's rude to ignore a man who's interested in you."

"leave me alone," you sternly demanded.

"what, are you a fucking prude or something?" he asked, grabbing your wrist.

"what the fuck? let go of me, now," you warned as his grip on you tightened, causing your heart to drop all the way to your bladder.

suddenly, he was being pulled off of you and pounded into by someone's fists so fast that it could possibly beat the speed of light; you could tell by the way that the figure punched that it was hamzah. you didn't even see him in the room before he was on the floor with the man from the hallway. you stood there, motionless with worry for hamzah's physical being, as people attempted to intervene and pull hamzah off of him. you watched as hamzah was pried off of him by martin, scolding him and asking him what he was doing. luckily, the man simply left the area and hamzah went into the bathroom, alone.

luckily, the room went back to the usual conversations relatively quick, since it lasted a couple of punches thrown in by hamzah; in addition, a couple of people were staring at you as you yelled at him to let go of your arm. you didn't know how to feel. what if he didn't get him off of you? would you have gotten assaulted? or even worse? however, those thoughts also simultaneously existed with thoughts of how hamzah got there so quick and why he just pummeled a guy into the floor, even after you two weren't on good terms. nevertheless, you went against your goal of avoiding anything hamzah-related and walked to the bathroom.

knocking on the door, he took a minute to turn the knob. he saw you in front of him and gazed at you with an expression that you haven't seen on him before; a mixture of everything felt tonight and, possibly, for the past three weeks. you got a good look at how his eyebags were more protruded as if the skin had a second layer. his eyebags mixed with the lilac and ruby shades mixed in led you to believe that he was struggling to sleep; it was as if you were looking at a mirror.

"can i come in?" you asked.

though you realize that this is stunting your ability to heal, his voice was comforting, "yeah, sure."

he sat down on the closed toilet, as you sat down on the rim of the bathtub besides it. he stared at his hand, bruises and redness already forming on his knuckles, as well as an open gash on his ring finger. you got up from the bathtub rim and crouched over to the cabinet below the sink, watching his eyes linger onto you as you searched for something to clean out his would and wrap it. taking out a roll of bandage and wound cleaner, you sat back down. you gently took his hand in yours and began to clean his wound.

"this might hurt," you mumbled.

you squeezed the wound cleaner as he winced, a sour expression with his eyebrows scrunched on his face apparent. you began to wrap his hand, trying your best to be as gentle as possible. you still felt his eyes on you, like you were a puppet performing in front of an audience.

you broke the silence, "are you drunk?"

"what?"

"y'know, have you drank anything since you got here."

"oh- no, no i haven't."

you ripped the end of the bandage off, attempting to tie it onto his hand, "so, you beat his ass completely sober?"

he chuckled, "yeah."

"it was stupid."

he gave you a look of disbelief, "what?"

"hamzah, you could've hurt yourself! what if he had a knife on him or a gun or just something-"

"you're telling me that i'm stupid for getting a guy, who was clearly making you uncomfortable, off of you?"

you sighed, "no, hamzah, you're not stupid. i'm saying that your actions were stupid because you could've gotten seriously hurt and i don't want to be the reason you're in the hospital. i don't want you to get hurt at all."

"well, would he have done it?"

puzzled, you tilted your head to the side, "who?"

"the- fuckin- the guy you were with- him- would he have done this for you?"

a chuckle of disbelief escaped from your throat, "why does that matter?"

"i saw him hugging you and shit, he should've done what i did- where was he when you needed him? why'd he let you go to the bathroom by yourself?"

"why does it matter if he was hugging me, hamzah? why does it matter if he left me alone?"

"because if you're gonna replace me with him, he has to be better than me!" his voice got slightly louder, causing you to jump, "fuck- if we're not together anymore, you have to find someone that could take care of you as well as i did or even better."

your eyes squinted with annoyance, "hamzah, you literally just said that we were just friends. what are you talking about 'we're not together anymore?' you were the one who said that we weren't ever together."

"i fucking lied, okay? i lied. i fucking lied to you because i can't handle the fact that you wanted more and i- i just- i can't be enough for you," he rushed as the information in his head that he wanted to let out was twice as fast as his words, "i wanted more too. fuck, i wanted more so fucking bad- you don't get it, but i'd be selfish if i just took you all for myself even if i couldn't give you everything that you deserve."

emotions began to implode within your chest, "are you serious? you could've fucking tried or, better yet, you could've just talked to me, hamzah! genuinely, what the hell are you even talking about with that 'i couldn't give you everything' shit. i don't want everything, i just wanted you."

your breathing became heavier as tears began to flow out of your eyes once more, mirroring the scene at your apartment that lead to this very encounter. though you laid in bed for three weeks, you didn't cry once, not ever since the time you last cried in front of him. every single fear was running rampant in your head from speaking to him with such vulnerability. yet, you soon realized that there was no point of holding back. he was already watching you intently and listening to every single word you were saying, gazing at you with longing eyes that yearned the longer you were sat in the bathroom. there was no turning back now, so you decided to tell him everything that you've been feeling and thinking in the past three weeks of agonizing heartbreak with one, singular sentence. with breaths heavy within your chest and tears now streaming down your face, you let go.

"hamzah, i just want you."

in that moment, hamzah saw the heartbreak in personified, human form. he watched you crumple apart in front of him like balls of paper about to be thrown into a trash can. hamzah went into the situationship with the thought that it would be the best possible outcome; the outcome where there's no mess to clean up, nor promises to keep, nor expectations to maintain. the situationship was, in his eyes, a way to keep you both from being hurt. knowing that his very intention was to not hurt you at all, as he watched you crying your eyes out in front of him, finally caused the the realization that he was supporting the very cause he was against.

hamzah didn't know what to do, yet, he knew he had to make this right for the sake of you, him, and the connection between you two.

hamzah lifted you up onto his lap, unsure and hesitant, watching your reaction to his actions. watching the tears on your face slowly stop sliding down and your breathing get slightly lighter, he believed it was okay. he wiped your face with his thumbs with such gentleness to it; in hamzah's mind, he has broken you down to the point where there's cracks in your skin, so he was trying his best not to shatter you completely. after gazing at your eyes with a sympathetic, longing, and apologetic stare, he gently brought your face closer towards his. he closed the gap between you guys' lips, a wave of nostalgia and comfort overtaking the vulnerability that was just in the room. over time, the kiss got more desperate and aching. your lips chased after each other as your tongues moves synchronously with the same feelings of past despair and hopelessness. your hands were roaming up and down each other's bodies as if it was meant to be explored by each other; as if you were both artifacts meant to be excavated. it lasted fifteen minutes; the passion radiated from you guys' bodies even after you stopped kissing to breathe. hamzah was the first to speak.

"i know you came here with a date, but i can't take it anymore. i need you in my life, baby, i need you back and i need you back now. the past couple weeks i haven't been sleeping or eating or doing anything besides just sitting there and realizing that i'm a fucking idiot. i never liked the girl that i was on the phone with and i blocked her right after i left your place, that night. i don't even know what i was doing and i shouldn't have even picked up in the first place- i should have never said we were just friends. i was lying. i was a fucking liar and you can do whatever you want to make me pay for that. you can slap me as hard as you can or burn my hoodies or anything, baby, just-please forgive me, i'm sorry. i'll do anything to have you back in my life-"

you cut him off with a slow, gentle, and lingering kiss, once again. pulling away, he admired you like he was in a trance that he wasn't willing to be broken out of.

"i'm not dating rey. he's here with another guy."

hamzah looked puzzled as he rubbed loving circles onto your thighs, "what?"

"he's gay."

"thank fucking god," he let out a sigh of relief, "i think i felt my heart genuinely shatter when i walked in on him hugging you."

you laughed, "you were that hurt over it?"

"of course i'd be. it's you."

"yeah, yeah, don't flatter me," you teased.

hamzah's expressione turned serious once again, "baby, please come back to me. i'll make it all up to you if you let me, i promise. i don't care how long it takes or what i'll have to do. let me prove to you that i can take care of you."

your expression also became serious, "it depends. are you taking care of me as my idiot neighbor who occasionally comes over to do things that friends don't do?"

you asked the question expecting him to answer that he'll do better than that, however, he surprised you once again.

he took your hand and kissed it, "no, i'll take care of you as your boyfriend, if you'll let me."

authors note!

hi guys this is so late i am going to bed goodnight!

#hamzah fic #hamzah imagines #hamzah x reader #hamzahthefantastic #slushy noobz #hamzah x y/n #hamzahthefanatasticxreader #hamzah fluff

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signanothername · 2 days ago

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I– I need to ask.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS?? Like, share your thoughts with everyone. Because I've been working on my universe for about three years now, AND I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT READY. At the same time, I’m still afraid to share these things...

So. How do you do it?D:

Alright my answer will seem a bit harsh and/or cruel, but know that I mean it in the most kind, genuine, and gentle way possible, i just don’t know how to word it any other way

With that in mind

Anon, you’re never going to be ready to share it, and the fear will always linger, you will never be 100% confident of what you share

And that’s ok

Again, I know that i make it seem super easy, but I promise that I’m just as afraid to share my ideas as anyone else (I’m a perfectionist, and that also contributes to my fear to share things)

It’s just, I think of it this way

I have an idea, and I got two choices

Either

1- I keep overthinking it, and succumb to my worries and fears when it comes to my idea, and keep my ideas with me, never to see the light of day

2- I acknowledge that I’m afraid, acknowledge that my idea might not be perfect or ready, acknowledge that there might be flaws that I will probably notice later and even feel stupid about it, and still share my ideas anyway regardless of the voice in my head telling me to “wait a little more”

I usually go for choice number 2

The art and writing process is complicated, it’s so not easy to write something and feel ready to share it, no matter how much time it takes, you will never ever feel truly and utterly ready to share it, you’ll have that worry in your mind that maybe it’s stupid, or incomplete, or inconsistent or whatever else

And guess what? Sometimes, the worried voice in your head is completely right

But what matters is how you tackle it

Even if you share an idea, remember that you can always change your mind about it, you can absolutely go back and say, I don’t like that idea anymore and so I’ll remove/ change/ replace it

Ideas are never set in stone, you change and grow as a person as so do your ideas, they grow and change with you as you learn more and more, and sometimes they don’t, they don’t change at all, and that’s ok too

You can’t keep worrying about whether the story or idea you’re working on is ready or complete, because all you’re going to do is just walk around in circles and end up never sharing anything at all

It’s ok to be worried, but you can’t let your worries control you, of course, it’s not easy to ignore your worries, but it’s better than feeling stuck with your ideas

I myself do deal with these worries a lot, most of the time i just tell my brain “shut up” and share my ideas anyway, other times my worries do get the best of me and i tend to keep some ideas to myself

But sharing your ideas is actually essential for you to actually be able to work on them and refine them, because people might start asking questions or giving really good feedback that you actually sit with yourself to think about

But what if they ask you a question and you don’t know the answer to it? That’s actually a good thing, it’ll make you sit down and think of how to connect the dots and answer it, not only does it mean you’re actually making progress on your story/ideas, but these kinda questions help you understand different perspectives and by that, you learn and grow in your writing

It’s ok to be worried and to keep ideas to yourself sometimes, but don’t let them fester, because believe me, eventually your passion is gonna burn out because you kept overthinking it to the point it became just a worry than something you enjoy doing

In fact, to give you a bit of motivation, imma actually share one of the ideas I never shared cause I was afraid it’ll be a bit stupid and out of character

And I’m very worried about sharing it, but fuck my worry I do what I want

Remember when I mentioned Dream received one gift from Nightmare, and never received anything after? My idea for that gift was an echo flower he gave Dream, and it echoes one thing “I love you”

There, I shared it ouuughh the stress of sharing it is killing me actually, but I mean I can keep worrying about it forever, or actually share it and refine it later if I wanted, I choose the latter

And your ideas are never going to be perfect anyway, but you can improve them with time, even after sharing them

That’s all I do really shzggz

So go out there and start sharing anon, fuck anxiety, you can do whatever you want, you’re unstoppable

#anothers ask #anothers art

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bmbidoll · 2 days ago

Text

𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐑

baekhyun x f!reader

synopsis: you never really let yourself get too close to the friend of your friends, baekhyun, while he got progressively tired of your vanishings everytime you two hooked up. it's only in a pivotal moment in his audi where you two lay your feelings bare. in more ways than one.

content: 6k words one shot with small angst plot, but mostly smut with both rough and fluff undertones ♡

author's notes: hiiiii!!! I'm so so so happy with the incredible response that savor (check it out if you haven't!) received that I've decided to share this one, too! please enjoy it for a while as I'll take some time to try and do something more elaborate with my next work with military!baekhyun

once again, my current and future works will always be created, centered, and catered to adults! so if you're a minor pleeeease don't interact. and to my dear readers, thank you for your tremendous support, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did envisioning it.

warnings: cursing, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, semi but almost public car sex (i'm not sorry), hair pulling, dirty talking, dry humping, fingering, oral sex f!receiving, cumplay, oral fixation, marking, p in v, unprotected sex, spanking, creampie (get used to it), cock warming, overall pure filth! you have been warned!

every adventure with baekhyun was something sort of too good. ever since you became 'acquainted', those shared glances were undeniably wanton. everytime he saw you coming into your mutual friends' parties with your girls, he'd have to put his teeth on something, either his bottom lip or his finger just to not walk into you and take you right in the center of the room.

you had noticed his stares. one would have to be blind not to, since he didn't really keep it discreet. as if sending a message not just to you, but to everyone to assert some type of 'ownership'. you found it ridiculous just as much as you found it hot, because out of the bedroom, you didn’t really know him, always picking someone else to the dance floor knowing he'd see it.

you gave him some sort of a show, grabbing random dudes that would always end up stunned when you left them hanging, even if you were the one who initiated. it was light fun in your mind since you don't ever actually look towards hooking up with any of them.

everyone knew you'd mostly care for your girls, not having eyes for just any guys. of course, you knew how to have fun. you liked it that one time you made out with junmyeon when you met the group before baekhyun came into the picture. junmyeon wanted more, but you kept him at that, mild fun, even if sometimes you pictured letting loose with him or jongin.

you'd dance teasingly, not caring that much for your partner since you know they'd be hypnotized by the way you knew how to work your hips close against their crotch, barely touching it. that was enough to make baekhyun clench his jaw and stand up, leaving his drink behind and walking towards the exit, not giving you a second glance. that's how the game usually starts.

but he swore to himself he'd make it different tonight.

you turn to your dance partner with a sweet grin, interrupting their stunned attempts to get your number with your hand caressing their cheek. excusing yourself from the dance floor, you took your time to kiss your girls goodbye with knowing looks from them.

your steps are quiet against the fading music from inside the house as you walked into the porch, feeling the hot summer night. you were glad you chose a crop top and a skirt combo, as usual. you spotted a certain sillhoutte by the corner, smoking a cigarette as he leaned on the railing.

"you still smoke that shitty stuff?" you asked, not receiving any surprise from him since this type of conversation is normal between you two. when you actually talk, that is.

"you still entertain those shitty guys?" he retorted sharply, making you amused as you walked closer to him, standing on his side as your stare found his sharp profile.

baekhyun gave you the grace of his gaze, even though he was frowning with a certain scowl.

"I don't understand you." you muster with a seductive grin, analyzing how could he get so bothered with things that seemed so simple to you.

"you do. you just pretend you don't so you don't feel guilty of stringing me along." he murmured, dropping the cigarette and stepping on it.

"excuse me? stringing you along to what? exclusive sex?" you quipped, your grin fading quickly. if anything bothered you the most, was his audacity. byun baekhyun's audacity always made you want to give him a real reason to get mad.

he only chuckled, dryly. shaking his head as he turned away from you to walk across the street towards his audi, making you grumble with guilty conscience while you watched him.

you knew through your girlfriends that baekhyun had some sort of 'hard crush' on you. you always found it ridiculous because you'd never even gave him the grace of knowing anything from you from your own mouth, besides sex talk. you were sure everything he knew about your life was piece of info delivered through others like the things you knew about his.

that he was somewhat of a reformed player. that he now didn't mess with just any girl for the fun of it anymore.

you found it hard to believe, considering how he looked, how he talked, and how he danced. how he caught to you before you caught to him.

it started with make out sessions after drinks, then messing around in bathrooms, to spending the night on his penthouse. it scared you, not only for the fact that it happened a lot, but also that you could never refuse him. you wanted him too much.

but for different reasons.

"wait!" you said, trying to follow his large steps. he opened the driver door, but you quickly pushed it closed before he could enter, "fucking wait, goddammit!" you shouted earning a furious glare from how roughly you treated his car. not that you gave a damn.

"if you ever touch my car like that again I swear to god—" you interrupted him.

"I don't mean to string you along!" you snapped, "I just... I'm not good at that part." lowering your voice as your confidence dimmed.

you were never good with honesty, always telling that you're as good as fucked if you ever were the first to fall in every past fling you've had. and that applied to just any type of relationship, especially to yours where you were both... kind of strangers. strangers that loved each other's bodies too much.

"what part are we talking about? the part where you just tease me with some random fuckboy just to get angry sex, or the part where you disappear in the morning without ever giving me the grace of a fucking word?" baekhyun spoke calmly, but you knew he was anything but, narrowing his eyes at your progressively curved stance.

"the latter... the 'figuring out where do we go' part." you murmured, feeling immature under his sharp gaze.

"oh my god. what else do I have to do to get to your fucking head that this," he pointed towards the both of you, "is not just some mediocre hooking up thing? I've been trying to get to know you for almost a year! god, even your girls know how fucking in love I am with you." baekhyun ranted, making you feel slightly embarrassed for being so unable of handling this, handling him, with maturity.

it wasn't that you didn't like him... you just couldn't. couldn't fathom getting involved someone that seemed so perfect without even trying.

"get in." he said, simplistic, walking around the car to the passenger seat and opening the door.

"what?" you asked, confused.

"just get in before I change my mind and leave you alone, for good." his voice said, cold, but you could hear the tiredness. you certainly didn't not want to defy him now, knowing he's good with his word.

you cursed inwards and walked around the sports car with your head down, smiling awkward when he held the door to you as you entered, and got in the driver seat afterwards. his audi was more spacious than his porsche, which made you more comfortable as he drove into the night, both of you too tense to muster up words. your eyes stared pathetically at the car's tinted windows, seeing the droplets of summer rain start, fucking great.

your apartment complex was built in the past century, which meant any light wind could mess up your building's energy, much less with the rain, to which wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. baekhyun knew that, but you never actually invite him over.

you looked at him as he stared at you, seemingly knowing your thoughts. "I'm not taking you to my penthouse again." he said casually.

"baekhyun, please? I'm not even gonna do anything, I just don't wanna stay in the damn dark by myself. plus the air conditioner won't work, so it'll be a humid oven in there." you sighed, but he didn't seem very interested in your lame excuse.

both of you stood quietly as he stopped on a red light, checking his phone in disinterest before stepping on the pedal again, expertly driving through the streets. you'd find him to be a vision in other circumstances.

"I'm sorry."

baekhyun clenched his jaw at your words, but didn't say anything, so you continued. "fuck, baekhyun— i really am. it's just... I'm bad at... everything revolving people. I know it doesn't seem like it since I'm outgoing and 'extroverted', but when it comes to problems like this, I really have no idea about what the fuck I'm doing." you felt the car stop in the middle of the way to your home and his eyes turning to face you, but you continued, "the truth is that I didn't actually believe that I was hurting you. didn't but that you actually, honestly wanted something to do with me that wasn't just stress relieving sex... even though you never actually gave me a concrete reason to disregard your feelings. so I just cowered everytime there was an opportunity to face that, face you. I know none of that shit is your problem and you expected me to at least be honest and own up before it got to this point, but I failed at that. since that's all I've known in past relationships." you finished, ready to just leave the car and walk home on your own. fuck the rain, you just didn't want to face his coldness after all that.

your escape plan was fumbled as quick as it was formed, baekhyun locking the doors from the digital panel and grabbing your hand. he stared at you with conflict, but didn't have the same coldness and reservations from before your speech. he sighed and pushed one strand of your long hair behind your ear.

"why do you push me away, angel...?" baekhyun murmured with a voice sure to make you drop down your defensiveness, frowning as the answer was just as unclear to you as it was to him. you felt so small, and he hated it as much as you did.

"I guess I just..." you started, looking at him waringly only to find soft pupils focused on you so intensely that it made you look down again. "I tend to leave first because I never want to be the one left. I don't ever want to give anyone the ability to leave me again... so it doesn't have anything to do with something you've done or not." you looked at him again, baekhyun finally grasping understanding amidst his hurt from your actions, now sure they were consequences of protecting yourself.

"I had no idea, angel." he squeezed your hand, his thumb caressing it gently, his grasp pulling you into his arms for a soothing hug that you didn’t know you needed right now, the way his cool hand found your lower bare waist beneath your crop top made you shudder softly, resting your head against his spacious shoulder.

the way baekhyun looked at you when you leaned back made you gulp from the closeness. "now we can go to my penthouse, if you want to." he asked, protective of you, which made you nod softly, but when he turned away from you to grab the steering wheel, you impulsively grabbed his arm, making him stare at you in confusion.

"what is it? I figured we could also order something when we get there since there wasn't any food at the..." he trailed off as you stared at him with those eyes. "...party."

you slowly made your way over the panel, thankful he chose his audi today, since it gave you space to cross towards his seat. "what are you—" baekhyun started, but gasped as you straddled him, you legs feeling his jeans.

"angel, I won't do anything before I'm sure you're not leaving me afterwards." he spoke with his jaw clenched, strained, but serious.

"not even kiss me?" your voice murmured, close to him, watching him struggle to control himself.

it's not like you didn't want to take this seriously. not like you didn't mean any of your earlier words.

it was just hard not to want byun baekhyun when he looked into your pupils with such protective eyes. and even harder when he kissed you with such wanton lips. his hand went carefully behind your head as his mouth claimed yours gently in a way that made you pathethically weak, something that you felt was unfair. you pressed the button on the side of the driver seat that made it slowly descend, giving you more space to grind your hips against his, making him growl, parting the kiss with a rough tug on your hair.

"take this seriously if you don't want me to fuck you like you're worthless in the backseat." he hissed in a whisper, making you grin at the delicious tingles his proposition gave you.

but as much as you liked it when he was angry, you didn't want to make him mad anymore. not tonight.

your hand found his cheek, caressing him gently. "if I didn't take you seriously, I wouldn't tell you those things. I may be a coward, but not a liar." that made him release your hair and caress your scalp, "besides... is it truly wrong to want you this much...? to want to be yours right here in the center of the street?" you murmured, resuming your soft moves in his crotch, making him throw his head back in a curse, clearly unable to totally deny you

"you're lucky I'm in love with you." baekhyun grunted, meeting your center with his, the friction of his jeans and your pleated skirt making your breaths shorten. "I know," you purred with a wide smile, "but did I ever make you not love fucking me?"

that made his hands find your rear roughly, squeezing it in a way that made you whimper.

"you fucking minx..." he pulled your hips to his forcefully, making you grin lazily. "making me taint another one of my cars..." you gasped as one of his hands quickly found your heat under your skirt, rubbing up and down as you seeped through it while he spoke. "look at you. you're so damn shameless." he murmured on your ear as you curved from his touch, your hands finding his shoulders as an anchor when he tugged your panties aside and slowly inserted his middle finger, making you curse.

"could you go any slower?" you grunted with frustated sarcasm, but regretted instantly when you saw his annoyingly handsome, deviant grin, feeling his curling digit take his time as he hovered his thumb on your increasingly swollen clit.

"you know, darling? I actually wanted to wait a bit. I was hoping..." baekhyun trailed off, watching his finger pumping in and out of your wetness. "we could have just went to my house and... talked, actually met each other like..." he added his ring finger, making your brows raise in a gasp, "normal people who can actually hold a conversation."

you were practically getting yourself off on his fingers, throwing your head back in uncomposed breaths, before whining when he pulled them out of you.

"but you just had to act like your needy self, hadn't you? firstly... you entered the party with this..." he raked your skimpy outfit, his other hand kneading your ass, "pathetic plea for my attention. now you're in my car, acting like you need me as much as you need air. the rain already stopped, and you're not even ashamed of your weak excuse to get into my bed."

you only smiled recklessly, grinding on him as a counter attack, stealing him a curse. "you're talking like you're so much better, hm? even if I wore something casual in this hot summer night you'd be drooling over my ass, which if I'm not mistaken, you have. the entire night." you caught his eyes on your exposed midriff so you leaned closer, contracting your abdomen in anticipation of his touch on your waist, "I bet even if it wasn't raining, you'd take any reason I gave you just to bring me over and..." you trailed off, biting your lower lip as your stared at him, playful.

you knew those eyes of his, and what you didn't know from spoken words, you recognized from his deep stare, that unlike other guys you met, gazed you with devotion. in less than a second, your lips crash desperately, his hand that was carefully caressing your hips now rushed under your skirt to bruise your pale skin. the way his blunt nails grazed your skin in urgency made you part your lips to moan on his kiss, to which he took advantage and pushed his tongue inside, making you rake up his hair, messing the stylish curls. you honestly thought it looked better that way, especially when you tugged them to make him moan a sound that, in all honesty, made you wetter. a selfish part of you wanted to be the only one to hear it, regardless of the implications. to drink on the deliciousness of his pleasured stares, ever switching from confident playfulness to longing pleas.

your bite on his lip made him puff and thrust upwards in delicious friction of your dry humping, something that you two usually spent long minutes doing. he stopped your attempts of undoing his belt to murmur in your ear. "go to the backseat, let me eat you out." and if you weren't so turned on, you'd laugh at his addiction to your taste.

you only smiled softly, slowly crawling your way to the backseat in a exaggerated raise of your ass that exposed your damp, black lace under your pleated skirt. you eventually sat there with a full blown smile when you turned to face him, his fucked out expression focusing on the way you grabbed the headrest, pulling down your panties with one hand and throwing them carelessly to the front of the car, something that'd normally make him mad. not this time, though. no. in fact, he caught them and stored on his pocket, making you roll your eyes.

"you really know how to act like a teenager when you want too, hm? baekhyunie?" you teased, sliding sideways as he made him way beside you, already separating your thighs and pushing your skirt up on your waist.

"does a teenager know how to eat you out like I do, angel?" baekhyun asked, looking up with a growing grin. and before you could even retort, you had to grab his hair with a curse at the slow lap of his velvet tongue between your folds. he'd start slow with circling movements on your clit before pushing inside in a curling manner that made you moan. the way he made out with your pussy was something you were obsessed with, the intricate manner he took turns with nibbling and sucking made your thighs quiver, and you were sure he loved when you suffocated him between them, rubbing his nose to slobber on your taste in a filthy manner.

your mind was so high that you almost didn't notice the sound of the car window going down behind you, your eyes widened as you saw his hand pressing the button with purpose, his own watched your gasping reaction in determined lust.

"what the fuck! baekhyun, someone's gonna—!" your hand that tried to press the button over his own was caught in a tight grip, your plea interrupted from the absolute need to let out a gasp from the added fingers of his right hand that were paired with his tongue.

"let people hear how pretty you sound when it's me who's eating you out. fuck it, let them see it." the way his voice sounded low and raspy triggered goosebumps from within your cunt, and you were thankful no one was around at this hour. your head was thrown back another time when he started a rapid, skillful assault that would surely make you come within seconds. the thrill of it all was raising your senses even higher, your gasps echoing recklessly into the night with the promise of someone hearing it made you want to scream in ecstasy, the orgasm shattering your reality for a moment. you swore the strength of your grip on his hair hurt baekhyun, but you weren't bothered to let it go when he was determined on drinking your every remnant, only stopping with a push from your hand.

he exhaled with a grunt, panting as he desperately unbuckled his belt and tugged everything off in one go. "turn around." he stated, helping you when your moves were consequently sluggish.

you could already feel his chest on your back when he steadied his cock on your entrance, his lips kissing your neck as he caressed your curves, your hands clutching the — still open – window.

"do you want this? right here?" baekhyun said on your ear, unconsciously making you rub yourself onto him.

it could be considered embarrassing how your mind didn't give a fuck for the spot you were put. how your only desire was to be his in every place you could get, since you knew he'd care for your comfort and needs perfectly.

"yes." was the single word you muttered before slowly moaning from the way he stretched you from behind. you could even smile from how you felt him throb inside of you, elated from the way he cursed on your ear.

the small sting from the already quick pace he settled did nothing to snuff out your lust, only raising it to the max as the both of you moaned on the open car window.

"fuck— I love how your pussy throbs around my cock after you come...!" baekhyun strained his voice behind you, snapping his hips ferociously onto you in a way that made your eyes roll from how deep he hit.

you couldn't even properly speak, only taking what he gave you with grateful noises. when his fingers found your lips and his hand gripped your chin, you instantly opened your mouth to receive his digits lewdly, humming at the way he sucked onto your pulse point.

"such a fucking good girl, right, angel...?" he hissed, thrusting viciously. "do you like this? me fucking your pussy on open air? hm?"

you could barely stop your choked moans as he removed his fingers from your mouth to hear your answer. when he didn't, his open hand hit your ass in a harsh hit, making you yelp loudly.

"y-yes! fuck yes!" you shouted, shaken, whimpering as he caressed the sting he caused amidst his thrusts. baekhyun only chuckled breathlessly, enjoying how you clenched everytime he spanked you. "just look at how good you take me... it's like you're swallowing me whole. such a perfect pussy." he kept changing it from slow to rapid moves, almost making your eyes well up with your inability to respond.

"god— I think I really fucking love you...!" he grunted, raising his pace as he smacked your flesh again. "gonna show you how much I love you by cumming inside, hm?"

you could barely nod, his fingers pressing down your tongue again before baekhyun rammed into you one final time, filling you up with a groan. he kissed your neck amidst love bites and pulled you onto his lap further in the backseat as he closed the window. his hand lovingly went up under your top, caressing your chest through your bra as he muttered multiple praises and turned you to face him, asking if you were okay with everything and if he didn't hurt you in any way. it was so good you almost thought you were already his, even without the two of you putting it into words.

he cleaned you with tissues from the car's glove box before both of you climbed back onto the front seats in a comfortable silence as he drove you to his penthouse confidently. he held your hand even though you said you were fine, walking you to the elevator before you were finally on his couch, facing each other with a water glass on your hand. you gulped silently before setting the glass on his coffee table, hugging yourself as you prepared yourself for the inevitable talk you been delaying for months.

"how are you?" baekhyun's voice muttered as his eyes watched you curled on the edge of the couch, your stockinged feet on it, yet his question made you raise your brows in confusion. that was certainly not the first question you expected.

"I mean— how are you feeling? right now?" he rephrased, making you look down in thought.

"I... feel okay, I suppose." you murmured, unsure.

"do you wanna talk about us...?" baekhyun spoke softly, his hand finding your knee in an attempt to coax a proper response, something that made you feel guilty.

you stayed silent, contemplating everything before you slowly pulled your knee closer to your chest.

"I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to face such thoughts right now." you sighed, closing your eyes while you pushed your face between your knees, frustrated by your inability to express your worries properly.

you heard him standing up from the couch to hover over your figure, pushing your hair back gently without a word. that made you look up with a worried look, but it soon softened as you saw his face, the intentions of making you comfortable clear within his expression.

"you're really serious about this, aren't you?" you spoke, shy as you sat properly to let him sit close to you. "about me and you... getting to know each other?"

"I'm serious about it because I wanna be serious about what I feel for you. for what I want to feel as I get to know you, if you'll let me..." baekhyun hummed, laying his head on your shoulder, which made you grin softly.

"and what would it imply?" you spoke softly, turning your face to his lowered one, watching his lashes flutter as he looked at before starting to visualize.

"oh, you know, the usual. dates, adventures.... lots of cuddles, plenty of kisses..." he paused, grinning at you as you rolled your eyes with a soft smile.

"you're ridiculous, you know that?"

"if being ridiculous makes you smile like that, then I'll take it." he said, making you groan and throw your head onto the cushion in a cringed expression. you heard him laugh, and unconsciously smiled when you faced him again, settling on a comfortable shared gaze.

baekhyun leaned closer, softening his expression as he spoke again "but more than that... supporting each other, trusting each other," you felt him lower his tone as he reached your lips, "being there for each other, through the good times and the bad."

"yeah...?" you whispered at him as you stared at his handsome face.

"yeah." he whispered back.

something about his tone and look made you kiss him, unhurried. it felt even better since he promptly responded by bringing you onto his lap to make out with patience.

"you're crazy" you said between pecks, inhaling his soft, woody, warm fragrance that brought you just as much comfort as it brought you desire.

"you're more." his said, breathy, sending newfound tingles in your lower stomach, and you remembered he still didn't give you back your panties, meaning you'd soon seep onto him if you kept this up.

so you figured, why not make it difficult for him?

you slowly inserted your tongue on his mouth, feeling his own eagerly swirling against yours in a lazy kiss, gently sucking onto him. that, paired with a couple of nibbles on his lower lip got him groaning, so you innocently moved your hand lower between your bodies and introduced your index within your walls, making you gasp. baekhyun only furrowed his brows, confused, but soon widened his eyes when you raised your hand between your faces, exposing the glistening of your juices coating your finger, before you licked the digit clean.

such action made him clench his jaw, exhaling through his nose as he stared at you sucking onto it.

"you wanna know what you'd get in a relationship with me, darling?" baekhyun spoke in a unnervingly calm low voice while his eyes were fixed on yours.

but before you could ask, he lifted you off the couch into his arms with ease, making you yelp as he walked with you further into the apartment, before reaching his master bedroom and tossing you on the bed. you yelped as your back reached his mattress, focusing your eyes on the one who stood before you, taking off his clothes in a hurried manner.

"you get all of me. every part. anytime you want." he stated as he got his shirt off in a manner you could only watch in a surprised awe.

"you get my mind," baekhyun unbucked his belt again, "you get my heart," his jeans and briefs dropped to the ground as he crawled onto the bed, on top of you. "and you get my body. all for you." he finished, pressing the tip of his already leaking cock against your folds. his tongue tracing the shell of your ear.

you cursed, shutting your eyes in overwhelm, just to hear him speak again. "and I get all of you. every part, every sound, every breath. all mine."

you opened them up only to find his face, completely whipped in anticipation for your response. both your breaths were shaken, your hand found his cheek with gentle caressing before your made your decision.

a relationship with baekhyun sounded far fetched from the start, you could already see that. but maybe a part of you longed to get to know him on the day after this. on the morning after, where your bodies are so spent you don't want to move away from each other. and maybe...

maybe you could turn this into something you won't be scared to face in the future.

looking at his eyes, you could see that beyond all the lustful desire, he only does this because that's the only thing you ever allowed him to do. so you breathed in, leaned your face closer to his in a way that lovingly made your noses touch, watching him close his eyes for a second.

"okay." you murmured.

it was another shockwave to feel him enter your walls again, and baekhyun took his time, gently pushing every inch in a painfully slow manner.

"you're still so damn tight, doll." he strained, hissing when he finally settled within in a torturous pace.

"s-so what, hm?" you stuttered, still adjusting to his thickness, making him chuckle at your attitude.

"so I think about it everytime I'm not thinking about dating you." baekhyun hummed, deliberately patient with his thrusts as he watched your facial expressions. "I love picturing us together for real, even when all I've seen is you like this... like..." he trailed off, closing his eyes to keep composure.

"like...?" you coaxed, meeting his hips halfway in a lazy manner.

"like a goddess." he murmured lowly, his dark eyes completely fixated on the way your face reacted to pleasure.

you only pushed your hand to his chest to stop his shallow thrusts and sat back with unhurried movements. you stared at him with intent to make sure he knew what you felt in the moment, finally taking off your skirt and crop top, then sprawling yourself on his bed, naked under his eyes for the first time tonight.

"then why don't you love me like one...?" your voice murmured in honest desire, your legs high as you exposed your center to him, bewitching baekhyun.

the suddenness of his next thrust caught both of you off guard, with a deep moan being ripped from his throat as he was, once again, completely enveloped by you. your legs wrapped around his waist as his body shuddered uncontrollably, the intensity of the sensation as big as ever.

"you little minx..." baekhyun grunted as he steadied his breath, pounding you against his bed in a way that made you cry out numerous curses, fighting for composure.

"I love that I can make you speechless." he whispered, rolling his hips repeatedly. and if you thought it was hard to keep your head clear amidst everything, it was ever harder for him. feeling your grip around him in a continuous pulse.

"not my fault your cock fits so perfectly." you choked, making him grin in a surge of satisfaction.

"and it's all yours." he murmured, his teeth finding your pulse point once again as he slowed his thrusts in a manner that accentuated the depth of his movements. "do you like it like this, doll? can you feel me like this, hm?"

you'd swear you'll kill him for this, for teasing you like this, but the only thing you could ever do right now is respond in a way that could appease both of your fires. even if it sounded pathetic. "th—there... right there...!"

baekhyun smiled against your neck, his body responding to your words.

"here...?" he asked, repeating the motion, his hips circling against yours in a deep, deliberate motion, his body rubbing against yours in all the right places.

when he picked up the pace again, your hands went behind you in an attempt to achor yourself, trying to grab his headboard, but failing. baekhyun noticed and hummed, leaning back to watch your face with a small sheen against his temples, "hold onto me," his voice rough and ragged while his body continued in a fast, hard movement. "hold onto me, angel. I got you..."

even in your light minded state, you still replied, worried, "I'll scratch you..." with a breathy voice amidst pants.

"I don't care. scratch me, bite me. do whatever you need, but hold onto me." he rumbled roughly.

at a certain rough thrust, you cried out, digging your long nails on his broad back in a way that surely marked him. baekhyun hissed, the counterpoint of the pain making him go delirious as he kept whispering praises on your ear.

"I can't— can't take it much longer...!" you whimpered, feeling your tight coil extremely close to snap for the third time that night. he wasn't very far, either.

"I can feel it, angel. let—" he moaned, "let it go for me, I'm right there with you."

baekhyun grabbed you thighs securely, looking up at your face as you asked "together...?", making him nod his head.

"together," he panted, "let yourself go and come with me. I got you."

with guttural sounds from him, you silently screamed while tugging his hair and back, feeling both of your releases hit intensely. baekhyun cursed loudly, drawing out both your orgasms as he filled you up again, shaking with aftershocks on top of you.

there was a moment of mutual comfort in the silence that follow, both of you uncaring for how long you actually spent with him inside of you, since he settled beside your body, holding you close.

"you know I'll do anything..." baekhyun hummed in your hair, nuzzling your neck as you stared at the ceiling, finding his face in a soft, confused hum.

he knew it could sound repetitive to you, but he just had to say it again. and a part of you likes it. a lot.

"for you to be mine." the way he spoke your name afterwards felt good, sending shivers from inside of your body.

he raised his head to look at you, locking your gazes in a silent understanding with serious, but pleading eyes.

"say yes." he told you, fixed on the way you raked his sculpted face. the way his moles adorned his features.

"you'll never let this go, hm?" you grinned, looking down in more comfort than you'd expect.

"no." baekhyun said, with a clear tone that made you look back at him with shy eyes as he continued.

"I'm never letting you go."

#baekhyun #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun imagine #exo #exo smut #exo imagines #exo fanfic #exo scenarios #writings #baekhyun car #divider by miuji #my second fic!!

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lonesilverw0lf · 2 days ago

Text

I hope whoever decided to read Id is enjoying it. I had a random thought for the class: how big is it? Like did only one classroom get Isekaied, or did a whole graduating class get it? Like the Class of 2018 or something? I’m assuming it was a singular class since even towns can have a sizable year for students. That can be a lot of characters to try to create. Not impossible, just a lot of work.

MC: rouge-ish, stealth, wild magic(?), mild immortality?, disguises, Heroes’ Shadow

Prez: leader, commander, fighter, strategist

Tomboy: fighter, pretend damsel in distress

Bully: barbarian, orc in laws

Prepper: ranger-ish, survivalist,

Mama: logistics, underworld connections, torture encouragement

Goth: Outerplane connections (warlock?), craftsmanship (of an undecided sort)

Clown: support, morale, bard, jack of all trades

Football jock: Paladin

Flower girl: potions, poisons, botany

Queen Bee: insect control(unwanted)

Influencer: cult creation(unintentional)

Skater: slacker,

Chess student: Pokémon summons, tactics

Art student: scouting magic

Teen Mom: lore keeper, record holder, divination, domestic support, fairy friend, mother

Baby: cuteness, defend at all costs, morale booster

Rat: size shifting, mascot, food vacuum

I think I got all that right at least. Lemme know if I missed something and I’ll edit the list. That’s 16 characters not counting Baby and Rat so far. Nor any Fantasy Land characters. Theatre and nerd kids were mentioned, and one otaku, but I haven’t seen anything else come up for them. I know I introduced Skater, but not quite sure what to do with him. I had a thought about him becoming a sort of messenger/runner to put his skater skills to work, but also not entirely sold on that.

Do we have a straight mage character decided? I know all the Party have a degree of magical ability, but did someone decide on who would dump all their points into sorcery? I can see Otkau mayhaps going that direction, going all Elder Scrolls/Elden Ring Sorcery would be right up an otakus power fantasy but then again what kind of otaku is Otaku? Does Goth get anything from her Patron other than cell phone service? I wouldn’t mind seeing her become a bit of a cross between Teen Titans Raven and Frieren. From my understanding she’s not a physical type so spells would work for her fine.

Thanks to this post I was granted a couple thoughts regarding a piece of technology that I have tragically overlooked which is a goldmine for comedy and usefulness: Goths Phone and her bargain. Whatever her deal was to get cell service, assuming that she accesses earth’s internet, this also implies that her phone has unlimited battery as well. So the Party calls home first thing they can so they can let everyone know that they’re alright. Then they take turns with it when they’re feeling homesick. They can also use it to get blueprints of various devices and designs, certain details of things like the best metals to prevent infection, search videos explaining certain subjects, use it to video and photograph their adventures, and so on.

I can’t decide what’s funnier: either a) she is now a walking cell tower that the Party uses. (A kinda short one at that, especially compared to how tall Mama is. Are we really sure they’re actually siblings let alone twins? I know that’s what they say but can you blame me? Are we sure their parents didn’t just snatch another baby out of her cradle?) So the Party has the advantage of using their phones to a limited degree, mostly for sending messages to each other since communication is vital in this world. Each person using her as a reference point whether they have service or not. The closer the better of course. Instead of having three bars they say they have ‘three Goths’. Awake she’s most ‘receptive’, asleep less so but you can still get a signal, unconscious/hypnotized/etc. has zero. Or maybe just the tiniest bit so the Party can track her down if necessary.

Or B) her phone is the only one that works and so the Party kinda ‘take turns’ using/stealing/borrowing it for various reasons. To call their families when feeling homesick, reference some history or scientific tidbit for their current situation, take pictures/videos of certain books/places/things/etc, how the football team is doing, check for updates on their favorite fanfiction, etc. They barter and trade for Phone Time creating a sorta sub culture surrounding the Phone. Goth is all dramatic when she doesn’t have her Phone.

I didn’t come up with situation A until I was halfway through writing this.

Goth, in the fetal position and murmuring, a dark haze surrounding her: Life is suffering. To deny suffering is to deny existence. And so we are inextricably linked to it.

But why? Her Phone has been borrowed so Influencer can use it to stream. Hence she has been bereft of her phone and now is bored.

Influencer: And with that we’re going to have to start wrapping up this Stream! Thank you for taking the time to teach us about this local board game, Mr. Farmer.

Farmer: Mah pleasure Missy! Anything to help out ta Heroes Party!

Chess: Less heroes and more normal teenagers right now. And thank you for showing me how to play this game! Now if I can just find someone else to play it with.

Farmer, looking at Goth: Ar ya sure that one is alright?

Influencer: Oh she’s fine, she’s just being dramatic. She does this every time.

Farmer: Ah, like a catto ya? One tha didn’t get tha cream?

Chess: Yep! We’re trying to find a pair of cat ears to make a little headpiece for her when she’s like this. Here’s your silver.

Farmer: Silver?! Milord I can’t-

Chess: No lord stuff, we’re just normal people right now. I know we agreed four copper for the board game, but the rest is for taking time out of your day and being so patient with us. Think of it as a thank you gift.

Influencer: Mr. Farmer, do you want to say anything to the people on the other side of this?

Farmer: I just talk to tha little box ere? And they can see me good ya?

Influencer: Yep! Just like we talked about earlier!

Farmer: Ah thanks ya folks fer listen’ to an old man go on about his favorite game. Er, is that good or?

Influencer: All the stuff on the side? Oh that’s the other people talking. They’re all saying thank you for being on this stream. A lot of them seem to be interested in making this game back home and trying it themselves.

Farmer: Ah! You’re all too kind!

Chess: Here, let me walk you back to the village.

Influencer: Be safe Chess! And so what did you all think? An interesting game for a small farming and logging village so far from the road ya? And all handmade too! Kinda makes me wonder how many games our own world used to have like this that have been lost over the generations….I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that HotdogMan. You know the rules, I really don’t want to ban anyone…. Yes we’ll try to bring the game back with us so Earth can play with it as well.

Influencer: Ohhh~ that is so nice of you! However this isn’t a normal stream….Yes I’d love donations just as much as the next gal but in Fantasy Land there is no way to access a Patron- Patron, Patrón, Petrol, Patren. Pttthhh! PATREON! Ugh, what are words? Yeah, we can’t access any of that money. And Fantasy Land doesn’t accept Visa or PayPal either.

Influencer: Well I’d love to stay and chat more but my Time is running out here so we’re going to have to wrap up! As always a great big thanks to Goth and her Patron…..um……Chat I haven’t even started attempting the name and you’re already making fun of me!!😭…..There are like no vowels in its name so of course it’s hard! Ugh, ok here goes. Thank you Ktchre-, no Cacgken- guh, Crushzu- argh…. I know how to pronounce Cthulhu Chat, its name is not Cthulhu. I wouldn’t be made fun of by y’all if its name was that simple….. No PolyPomPoms, it’s an Extraplanar Entity. Gender isn’t a thing with it. No its gender isn’t fluid, either. How do you get even fifty genders in the first place? That doesn’t- The point is it doesn’t have one!… No I don’t know how that works and quite frankly I’m not going to ask.

Influencer: As always: stay safe, be nice, be awesome, and hopefully we’ll be here again next week! Fantasy Land Adventures signing off! Bye~!

After packing up her setup Influencer walks over to Goth.

Goth: -even when the sky is overripe, it withholds its bounty. Thus here we are, bereft of its-

Influencer: 🙄Alright Goth, here’s your phone back.

Goth: Life has returned! The sweet succor of-

Influencer: 😑 And here I thought I was bad. Or that Bee was annoying when she couldn’t get her Java anymore.

Goth: You know, I was thinking��

Influencer: Dear god, please not this again.

Goth: There is a way to do this without all this torment and suffering.

Influencer: 😓Of course it is.

Goth: A path that would benefit both our desires.

Influencer: Don’t say it Goth, don’t you dare say it.

Goth: You could-

Influencer: I’m warning you!

Goth: -make a pact with my Patron.

Influencer: AAAARRRRGGGG!! We’ve been over this a gazillion times! No!

Goth: It’s excited to talk to you! It wants to help! I’m sure it can give you a wonderful deal! Probably better than what I got…

Influencer: It -wants- to make me its Chief Cult Leader! It -wants- me to convert everyone into its cult! Just like every one and thing else around here! I got enough problems fending off every blasted religion, cult, government, and organization out there, don’t you start harping on me too!

Goth: Cmon, what’s a half dozen cults?

Influencer: I’m still not over that little ‘celebration’ in that one town. I can only imagine how bad it could’ve been if Clown didn’t help me reword myself to make it just a drunken celebration instead of something worse. Remember I almost got that one Holy Order nearly come down on our heads for that? I am not starting up anything else if I can help it.

Goth: Don’t act like you’re special there, we all have nearly run afoul with many such groups. Remember when Prep killed that one holy animal thinking it was just a random Fantasy Land critter? Or when Football flirted with the wrong Lady in Waiting? Also you don’t seem to mind the Base.

Influencer: Because they tried to sacrifice me, so I had no choice! Thank goodness MC ungagged me there. Base is reasonable only because Mama and Prez got things under control! I can’t handle that kinda pressure.

Football: Here you two are. Where’s Chess?

Goth: He’s walking that farmer back to his village.

Football: Hm. Prez wants everyone in the Command Tent. We’re due for another Meeting.

Influencer: So soon? I thought we were going to have that Tuesday?

Football: That was the case, but since it’s Prez I’m sure there’s a good reason for it.

Goth: Alright then, let’s go. Hey Influencer, just think about-

Influencer: We are done talking about this!!

Football: Er, what did I miss?

Goth and Influencer: It’s nothing.

Football: Right. ‘It’S nOtHiNg!’ Geh, women.

The standard 'entire class gets isekai'd to a fantasy world and the outcast MC is basically discarded' anime setting, where the MC, now assumed dead, decides to instead help the class of Heroes in the shadows, making sure they live up to what the people need.

However, the entire class knows that he's alive and are hellbent on dragging that son of a bitch back into the spotlight and to give him the recognition he deserves.

(And maybe because he was basically the entire class's Little Guy™.)

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cyberseong · 13 hours ago

Text

extra credit.

pairing: yunho x f!reader

genre: smut/pwp, professor!yunho, non idol au

warnings/topics: not proofread, there’s quite a bit if plot before it gets to the actual smut, dom!yunho, sub!reader, blowjob, facefucking, unprotected sex, yunho’s a bit mean in the beginning, use of pet names (sweetheart, princess)

word count: 1.6k

a/n: i haven’t posted on here in months, but i wrote this so i could at least get something out. i might be able to post more regularly soon, but anyway, enjoy! notes/reblogs are appreciated!

it’s nearing the end of april— which only meant that the long, excruciating exam season was upon you, just like it was for every other student enrolled in college.

you’ve been studying your ass off, but the amount of assignment and project deadlines that were creeping up on you made all your effort look meaningless. with more near-failing grades than you’d like to have, you decided on requesting grade improvement opportunities from the professors of these classes.

the first two gave you extra credit assignments with no hassle— something you could do quickly for a decent grade boost, as not even the professors wanted to be stuck grading them as a side quest during a month where they were already overwhelmed with important papers to grade.

you made it to the room which held your third and last professor that you’d bother for the day— professor jeong. he taught business ethics; it should’ve been an easy passing grade, but professor jeong was someone who wanted to make his class a living hell for his students, simply because he had the time and was getting paid to do so. he made it a mission to give out intricate and detailed assignments, even selecting a 20-page paper as your semester final.

he definitely wasn’t going to be lenient when it came to extra credit assignments either.

taking in a deep breath, you knocked on his office door, waiting to hear his exasperated “come in” before opening the door and sliding into the room.

he looked incredibly tired, more so than usual; stacks of students’ finals were sprawled out on his desk. surely he’s regretting his petty decision of giving such a hard assignment right about now. regardless, his frustration only made him more attractive than he already was normally; you’d be lucky if you could make it out of his office alive with the way his intense gaze made you so uncomfortably hot.

“good afternoon professor jeong… i wanted to ask if any extra credit assignments were availab–”

“no. if you really wanted a passing grade this semester, y/n, you would’ve made that project that was turned in a few days ago look a little less rushed and pathetic than it was.” yunho spoke with a flat tone, only looking away from his computer once to give you a strong, disappointed look as he finished his critique.

“well– yes, that is true, i’m truly sorry about that professor… i’ve been so swamped with studying and going to class and working that i didn’t have much time for the assignment… even a small extra credit assignment would do, or even an extension on the original–”

“was i not clear enough the first time? even on the first day of my class, i made it very clear to everyone that half-assed work would not be tolerated nor forgiven. i will not be giving you an extra credit opportunity, y/n.”

the way he spoke down to you so sternly alone was enough to make you quiver; the man was the living and breathing embodiment of sex appeal itself; you had to be extra careful in not letting your mind drift off even while having such a serious conversation with him.

you were almost certain he had seen the way you looked at him. the tone in which he reprimanded might as well have caused you to come undone right there in the middle of his office. most of the people who took his class only registered for it because of how hot he was compared to the other old and worn out professors that taught classes for your major. so, could you really be faulted for following in everyone else’s footsteps?

“are you sure there’s nothing i could do to bring my grade up? i really need to pass my classes this semester, i’ll do anything, please,” you felt so pathetic begging him for a chance at the possibility of a grade improvement, but it was better than retaking his entire class again after the summer.

yunho sighed before taking his reading glasses off of his face, finally removing his attention from his screen in order to analyze the situation at hand. the underlying suggestive intent of your words caused him to cock an eyebrow; he takes in your position over his desk, the way your slightly leaning into it and the way your cleavage is on full display in front of his face at the moment told him all he needed to know about your request.

a small grin crept onto his face as he reconsidered his previous firm rejection to your request. there’s no harm in a little fun, and he’d be a fool to reject an advance from such an alluring student of his, right?

“anything… is that so…” yunho teases, getting up from his chair and walking around his desk, towering over you as he now stood in front of you. “if you really wanted some extra credit, i could use a nice stress reliever right now… siting and grading 20-page essays for hours without break has made my body so tense…” he mockingly whined, rubbing a hand over his stiffened neck to verify his words.

you looked up at him with doe eyes, practically waiting for whatever his next command would be. you were surprised at how easy it was for him to fall for your act– not that you were complaining about his fast submission. you were lucky to even hold his attention for this long, let alone have the honor of relieving his stress in exchange for a better grade in his class.

“get on your knees, sweetheart,” yunho paused, unbuckling his belt and unzipping the fly of his slacks. “you’ve done so much talking and pleading, why don’t you show me what else this pretty mouth of yours is capable of?”

a blush crept over your cheekbones as you obeyed him, pulling his hard length out of the confinement of his boxers and stroking it slowly with your soft, manicured hand. as you spread the precum down his cock to reduce the friction, yunho groans at the sudden feeling pulsing through his body.

you took most of his cock into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as your tongue swirled around his tip. you eventually fit his entire length into your mouth, deepthroating it as your head bobbed back and forth with ease. you moaned around it, sending vibrations throughout yunho’s core– this elicited a long, drawn out groan from him, followed by a string of curses as his hands find their way to your hair. he maintains a stern grip on your luscious strands as he takes control of your head, thrusting into your face to chase his high that was approaching.

“f-fuck, princess, your mouth feels so good around me– so fucked out all because of my cock, hm? you take it so well y/n,” he teased before giving your throat one final thrust before spilling his seed into your mouth, moaning as you stroke his length once more, overstimulating him in the comedown of his climax. “get up off the floor and bend over the desk, sweetheart.”

almost as if your body was moving on autopilot, you immediately follow his command. before you could even lay upon the desk, yunho’s large hands are halting your movements to quickly undo the buttons of your blouse, causing the garment to be thrown somewhere on the floor of his office. he undoes the hooks of your bra before discarding of that as well. he gently but hurriedly pushes you forward onto the polished wood, trailing a hand down your spine in admiration of your soft, glowing skin that covered your body. the action sent shivers throughout your body, the ghostlike touch of his fingertips now haunting your lower back. his other hand traveled to your skirt, lifting it up to reveal a red lace undergarment that just barely covered what it was meant to.

“looks like you planned for this, unless you just normally go around with such an inviting surprise hidden under your clothes. i’d be disappointed to hear that anyone else is getting this view, sweetheart.” he spoke with a half-sincere tone as he moved the lace to the side, the tip of his length now teasing your wet entrance. he only slid in deeper as you began to respond.

“ah, you’re the only- fuck, only one professor jeong, only ever- fuck! wear it on days i have your class,” your vocal moans sound through the room as his thrusts became deep and fast, his cock hitting all the right places to make you a wrecked, hysterical mess.

“i’m- mmh, so close professor, fuck, ‘s so big, i can’t,” you ranted. he gave one last long thrust before you reached your high, coming undone on his length. he sped up his last few thrusts, causing you to see stars as you were already getting overstimulated from the overwhelming orgasm he just gave you.

yunho soon pulled out, cleaning the both of you up a little before he pulled your skirt back down and freshened up himself. he handed you the clothing that was previously discarded to the floor before he adjusted his tie and sat back down in his office chair.

“you can consider your grade in my class to be fixed, y/n,” yunho said with a bit more life in his words than he did when you first came into his office. he fixed his hair and put his reading glasses back on his face, his fingers soon clacking on his keys again. “and feel free to visit my office again any time; i’ll be here to help.” a slight chuckle left his lips as he made the double meaning of his words apparent.

“thank you– and you'll see me again very soon, professor jeong.”

#ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez smut #ateez x reader #atz smut #yunho fic #yunho fanfic #yunho x reader #yunho smut

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cleolinda · 1 day ago

Text

JANUARY 6: I fought my first monster in Silent Hill 2, or any video game, for that matter. It was rough, but James and I prevailed.

JANUARY 7: I went back to try the combat tutorial again and get some practice. This audio (my voice only) is more of a walkthrough than just the fight itself—a description of the "lying figure" monster, my inability to get over hitting the wrong healing key, the way the game teaches you 1) how to pick up healing items and 2) disappointment, the side effects of long covid, and my continued struggles to get James through doors. And then, finally, we fight. I've improved so much!

CURRENT DAY: I am working on getting some actual video gameplay of my fights (yes, multiple) with Pyramid Head. I sincerely have 20+ minutes of him killing me 11 times so I can practice Basic Gamer Skills. This will follow the video of me originally shrieking for 3 minutes.

(Comments directed at my player character are in parentheses.) {Comments directed at the enemy/monster are in brackets and bold.} Content: Vomit is one of the monster's attacks but I don't describe it at much length (I don't care for it either). A body-horror monster is described but only in terms of clothing.

The problem was that when I was trying to fight this lying figure… monster… the camera was way too sensitive, and every time I tried to move, it was going around the room and I wasn't able to see exactly where the vomit was coming from.  

So, if you haven't played Silent Hill, if you're not—Silent Hill 2, rather—and you're not familiar with this—this monster... they're all fucked up, just off the bat. But specifically, this is a... feminine-looking figure... the top half is kind of a weird... I don't really know how to describe this. It's supposed to kind of have.... aspects of maybe a body bag and a straitjacket and kind of some corset lacing detail? This is all like a maroon color. Uh... it doesn't have a face, that's covered. Somehow it's able to vomit through all this. It vomits acid—HUGE shower—cone of—of acid, and the bottom half is just like... legs... in platform heels. When I get to the actual recorded gameplay, we'll talk about what the fuck this has to do with anything, because it's got—it—this imagery is for a reason. They never explain it in-game, but it's for a reason.

So I'm having to rock up to this figure—oh, it doesn't have arms. It does, but they're like... bound underneath this straitjacket-type... business. So all it can do is... run at me... headbutt... vomit... I forget if there's a third thing it can do... specifically. These are extremely difficult, actually—oh, oh, it gets on the floor and it slithers around. That's not helpful either. So, that—which makes it harder to hit—like you want it on the ground where it can't vomit on you? But that also makes it a lot harder to hit it. So... this is what I'm having to deal with [laughing] in my very first combat. And that's why I was sitting there the other day going, “No, no, c’mere. C’mere. Can’t reach you. C’mere.” And that's why I said I got vomited on.... a lot, because I have the camera spinning around the room and I can't see what direction it's coming from. And life is already hard. Life is already hard, and I'm already having a hard enough time making this man walk forward. So...

And there's also a stomp... kind of function—I thought this was maybe a separate control, like press this for hit, press this for stomp. No, it's just whatever James feels like. It's just whatever he feels like in the moment. People really enjoy the stomping—players really enjoy the stomping. And I was like, I don't—I don't know how much I like this. It's a lot of grunting. I'm not—I'm not sure how down with this I am. And [then] I'm like oh, oh okay, I don't get to choose. This is just James working some feelings out. That's. Okay. So stomping actually works really well when something slithers across the floor. So I will let him make that judgment call.

Right now we are in this skeevy house on Martin Street—oh, oh that [camera] is not sensitive enough at all. Oh, boy, yeah that's not fast enough. Okay. Settings—you get to come along for the ride with me, I'm very sorry about that, but... this is.... this is part of the ~journey. “Look” sensitivity [i.e., mouse control of the camera sensitivity]. Let's put you back on [0.]20 and we're gonna see how that goes.

Also, I'm kind of... not sorry we're putting off the combat. I... survived. My first combat tutorial, I survived it... but it was rough. Uh... I nearly failed this man. He was at death’s door. He had the plus sign come up, he had the really thick red border vignette come up. We just managed to find a syringe in time. That was my fault—well, all of this is my fault—but that was my fault because they gave us a health drink before going into this. That's why it's a tutorial, they kind of walk you through—here's what you're gonna need during it, here’s what you're gonna need after it, after you've got your ass beat. And you hit V [key] once to take this health drink that heals you a little bit. And then when you have a syringe, you hold V down to take this greater healing item. And I, in my infinite wisdom, hit V down and held it in my urgency to heal him while getting vomited on, and obviously he didn't have a syringe yet, we hadn't gotten that far, and so I just stood there doing nothing, healing nothing, while getting beaten up by a monster without arms.

So... it was an adventure—see, here's what's so funny. Most people know how to do the health drink tap and they can't figure out how to do the syringe because they miss the part where you have to hold the key down. I did the reverse where I couldn't figure out the normal basic thing. Because that's me. That's me as a person and a gamer. I will always find a new and interesting way to be wrong about something.

All right, let's see... how does this—okay that [camera sensitivity is] livable, that's livable. All right, all right, point the camera. The Camera Is The Most Important Part Of Walking. Nobody told me that. I learned this… for myself.

[In the room just before combat:] I have to point him at the door knob, not just the door. Okay, so here is the cabinet. We're gonna point him at this cabinet. (No—a little bit—there you go. This is on me. This is not you. This is a little bit on you. E [key], we're gonna pick that up.)

This is the nutritional supplement—how this heals you? I—how would a nutritional supplement heal you? Are we talking like, Ensure? Are we talking Boost? Are we talking kombucha? Yeast? I don't know what this is. Why would—why would this do anything? “For adoh”—[sigh] I can talk. I really can. [Reading:] “For adults only. Do not exceed recommended dose.” So we're gonna take 500 of these. Okay. That's fine. All right, and so then— [The game tells you to tap V to use the health drink.] I'm not pressing V now! I'm not pressing V now! Then there's another cabinet. It's empty. The game demonstrates for us: disappointment. It demonstrates for us that sometimes things will be empty, because I would not have understood that otherwise.

All right, so here is—here is the door. I went through the wrong door last time.

[Long pause.]

My brain just... died, what am I doing? I'm pointing him at the door knob. Okay, I have long covid. I'm blaming that on everything. I'm blaming everything on that—I—both ways. I'm blaming everything on everything. (Please walk through the door, sweetie...) [I am struggling to direct James through doors. Again.] (I know, that's the hinge—don't—don't bump into it like—don't—just act like you're so inconvenienced. Come on. YOU KNOW WHAT A DOOR IS! —That’s the wall, I’m sorry. I—don't—don't just brush into the wall like you're just really playing it up. I know I'm a terrible person.)

(Okay, open door... open door. All right... all right...)

I'm probably gonna die this time. I'm probably going to be complacent and I'm going to die. All right. So: here's our monster detector/wife communicator. “E.” Cutscene. Here we go. (Pick it up!) It's making noise. All right. [Repeating what James says:] “Stay back.” I agree with that, I cosign that.

Monster falls out. It's fucked up. Stare at it a little bit—the ratio looks a lot better. [I had spent a week trying to figure out how to correct the “wideness” of the picture.] That's what I'm focusing on in this moment—it's standing up. It's standing up. (Okay. Get that stick. [Your first weapon: in the cutscene, James picks up a plank of wood with nails on the end.] Get that stick. Get that stick.)

{Stay back. Stay the fuck back.} Here we gooooo... [Vehement mouse clicking.] (Hit it? Hit it. Hit it? Hit it. Hit it—) {Are you gonna vomit?!} (Dodge! Dodge? We DODGED IT! All right! Do it again. Do it again. Okay, we’re gonna come forward—we're gonna—beat the shit out of this thing, come on, you can do it! You can do it.)

{No! Are you about to throw up? Are you about to vomit—}

(Get it! Get it—) Oh! This is so clean. Oh, this is so clean. I didn't—didn't— (STOMP IT. There you go. It's not done until you say “what the hell is that.”) [The combat tutorial is over when James says, “What was that thing?”] (Stomp it? Yeah, just keep hitting it. Yeah.) “What was that thing?” he says. [Audibly clapping hands:] All right... all right. I didn't take a single hit. All right.

(What was that, James? I don't know, hit it again.)

What are we doing? Okay, okay—where—where are we going? Do we get to leave? Is that a thing we get to do? No? Ever. Do we ever get to leave? Here we go.

#sh2r playthrough #gaming #audio #voice only #long post

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weregonnaneedabiggerboat · 1 day ago

Note

HIII i saw ur post about asking for requests for Ler!Jax and i have an idea!!

how about an extremely irritable and angry GN or F reader who has been silent for the whole day, not even reacting to Jax's pranks and stuff (basically going into full apathetic mode)

Jax is annoyed because the reader doesn't even look at him with rage, and soon realizes that the reason behind reader's behavior is that they are extremely close to abstract

So Jax has to do something to both annoy and save the reader from abstraction

i think we all know what that 'something' is

(feel free to ignore this request BTW💜)

Cheer Up, Doll~

Ler!Jax x Lee!You

CW: Angst, depression, implied suicidal ideation, apathy, implied swearing

Notes: Jax being soft for you, teasing, cheer up tickles, bits of fluff in between Jax acting stupid (affectionate), Reader is gender neutral as always

A/N: AAA ANON THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SUGGESTION!! I really enjoyed writing this little fic, cheer up tickles are my favorite thing in the world 💜 I made sure to include some fluff in the end between you & Jax because why not? Hope you enjoy!!

∘₊✧─────────✧₊∘

Sometimes it feels like when your feelings swing low, life swings lower.

And that's all that's been happening lately. You've had the rug pulled from under your feet in the past, but never in such devastating ways before. Coping with being stuck here has made you irritable; lashing out, shooting glares that could kill.

But now, you didn't even feel angry anymore. Lashing out has become exhausting. You just felt… Hollow. Not even Jax’s dumb pranks, or Ragatha’s sweet talking, or Pomni's asking if you're okay could even pull your lips from their sagging state.

The others, of course, understood that boundary. You were annoyed, apathetic, bothering you in this state could make you abstract for @#$&’s sake! However, part of you felt like being ignored and avoided by them was almost worse.

….Almost. Because not all of them gave you the space they thought you needed.

“Hey there, pipsqueak~” Jax teased, resting his elbow on your head, while you sat down at the dining table. You've been staring at your food for around 20 minutes now, and by then everyone had finished and left to go hang out on the couches.

“The food isn't going to finish itself, y'know. You have to actually eat it.”

Jax seemed to laugh to himself at his own joke, then noticed that you didn't even flinch. He frowned, staring between you and the plate of cold food.

You just stared at the peas and mashed potatoes, if that was even what they were other than a block of code. What was the point, anyway? Of doing anything? You can't die, you can't rest, every day was the same at this point. All you could feel was pain, and the existential dread weighing over any and all positive feelings you could have.

You didn't say anything in response to Jax, and just blinked slowly, overwhelmed with fatigue and apathy.

However, Jax didn't seem to appreciate being ignored. He frowned, gently tapping your cheek with the back of his hand. “Hey, Pips, over here! It's your best friend Jax!"

Well, that didn't work either.

He frowned, his eyes narrowing with irritation. What the @#$& was up with you? You HATED when he came around to bother you, especially when he used your head as an armrest! Usually you at least smacked his hand away or tried to shove him, or at leastshot him an annoyed glare.

But this time... Nothing.

“Go away, Jax,” you finally murmured, sighing and pulling yourself off the table. You weren't hungry, anyway. Not that it was even possible to be hungry in the circus, so you didn't see a point in indulging in these stupid routines at all. “I'm not in the mood.”

You just made a dejected walk to the hallway of bedrooms, feeling the world begin to warp around you. Your connection to this world felt like a frayed wire, the walls becoming a blur, sight being hard to reach. Where are you going? Were you even walking at all?

Jax stared with tightened pupils as you made your way back to where he assumed was your bedroom. Wow…

Nothing... he thought. Nothing at all. Like he wasn't even there.

“Jax leave them be,” Ragatha’s voice called to him from a few feet away, snapping Jax out of his concerned thoughts.

“What?”

Jax was taken straight out of his trance, and he turned to look at the ragdoll.

Ragatha had a stern look on her face, like she knew he was going to do something stupid and push you over the edge. And that was the last thing she needed right now. “They're going through a rough time and surely don't need you to bother them.”

Jax stared at her for a couple seconds, then he rolled his eyes. His persona immediately flew back up to his face, and he flashed her a grin, squinting his eyes mischievously.

“Nah~ They're fine, Rags, you worry your dolly little head way too much,” he chuckled, putting his hand on his hip and leaning his weight on one leg. He made a casual gesture towards you. “In fact, I've never seen them this…”

Jax's words trailed off when he realized you weren't within his sight range anymore, and his grin faltered. A sickening feeling in his stomach began to twist and turn when he realized he's seen this one too many times before. The apathetic nature of someone who was about to...

Look. There's people he didn't care about. He couldn't save, so they would abstract and leave him. Not that he enjoyed this idea, but it was easy to move on after a while. None of them mattered that much to make him fall into the same patterm.

But… No. Not you. Not you. He didn't want the next one to be you of all people.

Ragatha was about to go up and grab him to drag him away from whatever he was thinking of doing, before she heard her name being called by Pomni, saying it was “urgent” or whatever. She looked behind her, shouting a response that said she was coming, then she looked back at Jax.

“You better leave them alone," she said with a serious tone. "If you make them abstract, Jax, I swear,” she growled. “I will never forgive you.”

Ragatha turned to leave and check on Pomni and the others.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, toots.”

Jax didn't even hear what she said and just waited for her to get off his back already. He rolled his eyes, and walked after you in your direction.

Meanwhile, you were sitting on the floor, back against the bed, with a look so glazed over that it was easier to assume you were blind. Tears welled up in your eyes, and you glanced up at the clock hanging on your wall. It's been 20 minutes, and nobody has even bothered to even show up and check on you.

Tears spilled from your eyes as the realization fell upon you like a weighted blanket. Your bedroom was dark, silent, empty. You felt so… Alone. So—

“Hey there, Pips! What's gotten you all wadded up like that~?”

God @#$&ing dammit. Not him again.

��Leave me alone,” you muttered with a tiny whimper, this time turning your head to the side so you weren't looking at him. And so he wouldn't see the pathetic tears in your eyes.

Jax just grinned and chuckled, leaning his arm on the doorframe and the other hand on his hip. “Awwe don't be like that, Squeakers,” he teased with that annoying tone of his, and used a finger to flick the light switch on. You flinched with the sudden brightness of your bedroom, pressing your eyes closed for a moment and wiping away your tears.

He walked inside and kicked the door shut behind him, then sat his lanky ass right next to yours, stretching out like this was just some casual day at the beach.

You watched as he rested one leg over the other and placed his arms behind his back. This was so… Weird. Why was he being so clingy?

You shifted away a little, now feeling uncomfortable with the distance. You didn't even notice how his odd behaviour managed to snap you out of whatever you were so upset about.

Jax didn't move, his eyes closed as he relaxed with that dumb grin on his face. What was he planning? Did he hide a bug in your room or something and was waiting for you to notice?

“Boy, this isn't very comfy, is it?” he finally asked, turning to look at you with his signature lidded eyes. “You just sit on the cold hard floor like that? Don't worry, I can help you get into the bed if it's too high up for you to reach~”

You just returned his expression with a look of disgust, hugging your knees closer to yourself and almost trying to slowly turn your back to him.

“Yeah, whatever. I didn't feel like getting into my bed,” you retorted with a frown, unappreciative of the implication he was making.

You rolled your eyes when he just chuckled in response. “Hurr hurr so funny, I'm short! Such an original and totally accurate joke!” you mocked his voice, which only made him laugh even more.

Jax leaned back forwards to rest his arms on his leg, still looking at you. “You’re so easy to rile up, doll~”

You decided not to answer this time, and just stared off into distant space. He just wanted attention from you, and you quickly found out your angry retorts and reactions were only fueling him.

“You're just going to sit there and ignore me, grumps?”

You huffed a response with your nose, pouting and refusing to look at him.

That is, until you felt a small tickle at your side, that made you jump and whip to look at him angrily.

Jax had his hands to himself, making a gesture with his gloves that mimed him checking his nails. He raised an eyebrow and looked at you, then shrugged and smirked.

“What?”

“...” You glared at him and shifted even further away, hugging your knees. “Nothing…”

Huffing quietly, you sat again, avoiding eye contact with him and hugging your knees a little tighter. This time, you felt a hand — his hand no doubt— gently pinch your ribs, and you whipped back at him again with wide angry eyes.

“JAX!" you snapped at him, growling irritably. " I KNOW it's you!!”

Of course, his reaction was just to laugh and throw his arms up defensively.

“Whahahat!” he snickered, giving you his best innocent look. “What are you talking about! I've just been sitting here with you!”

You scoffed, letting out an angry hmph! and turning away again. But this time, you kept your eyes staring at your side, waiting to see him try again. And sure enough, he did, and you grabbed his wrist before he could poke you.

“AHA! Gotcha!” you said victoriously, then realized you were grinning. Not wanting to give him any chance to celebrate, you pouted again and pointed an accusatory finger at him. “I-It was you! I knew it!!”

Jax laughed at your clearly mixed reaction to his attempts to tickle you, unbothered by your grabbing of his wrist. “Whaat come on, mee~?” he giggled, using his free hand to flutter a finger under your arm. “I would never~”

You squeaked and giggled, writhing away from him. “Jahahax!!” you whined, letting go of his wrist to try and smack both his hands away.

“You keep scolding me when I'm not even doing anything!” Jax chuckled, now using both hands to tickle your ribs playfully. “I'm starting to think you're trying to accuse me of something, Dollface!”

“I AHAHAM YOU @#&$!!” you scolded him, then fell into a sea of giggles again.

“Oooh I see, you're just ticklish~” he laughed at how adorable your giggles were, especially since you were trying so hard to look stern and angry. “Why didn't you just say so? Tickle, tickle, tickle~”

You laughed even louder, now squirming on the floor underneath him and giggling your heart out, kicking your feet at his belly.

That seemed to tickle him a little, given by the soft gasp and chuckle he let out. He then gave you a menacing glare, using his legs to pin yours down and sitting on top of your waist.

“Oh you want it bad, bad, don't you,” Jax chuckled threateningly, cracking his knuckles before digging his fingers into your sides and belly. “Well, let's see how you like this! And this!!”

You shrieked with laughter as his fingers pinched your sides and poked in your belly, your arms not doing anything to defend you from the tickles. “JAHAHAX PLEHEASE NOHOHO!! I'M SORRYHYHY!!” you pleaded, pressing your eyes closed and feeling tears start to prick at them the more he made you laugh.

“You think one little sorry is going to help you escape~?” Jax said with a playfully stern tone, as if he was mad at you, but his soft laughter totally gave away how much he was enjoying this. “Sorry, toots, but I ain't letting you off that easy~! Tickle, tickle~”

“IHIHI DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHIHIHING!!” you screamed back at him, trying to sound angry but honestly, through the giggles and the almost affectionate tickling he was giving you, any attempt to look mad was thrown out the window.

“Didn't do anything, huh? Well, let's see,” he chuckled with a malicious grin, digging his fingers into your underarms and making you clamp your arms down on his hands. “You ignored me, didn't laugh at my jokes like you usually do,”

“THAHAHAT’S SOHO STUPIHIHID!!”

“Welp, there's another thing~” Jax teased, attacking your belly viciously in response to your unwise comment. “Calling me stupid? Right after trying to kick me in the stomach? Tch, I can't believe you sometimes~”

You blushed at how nonchalant and smooth the tone of his voice was, with how much he was teasing you you wish you could just explode at this point. Squealing through your giggles, you tried to plead with him.

“Okay OKAHAHAY— I'm sorryhyhy!!” you pleaded, trying your best to curl your body up.

“For what~?”

“FohohoHOHOR— AHAHA!! JAHAHAX YOU DUMB@#$ STOHOHOP!! LET ME SPEHEHEAK!!” you shrieked, unable to form coherent sentences through your uncontrollable laughter.

“Kinda rude, dollface… Now I don't wanna stop~” he teased. “You're just givin me more and more reasons to keep on tickling you~”

You definitely didn't want that, or maybe you did, but either way you still shook your head frantically at what he was saying. “No no nOHOHO!! I'm — EHEHEEEK!!”

His fingers went straight back into your underarms, and he really managed to wriggle his index fingers up there this time. “You trying to say something~? Come on, speak up, we don't have all day~”

Your feet were desperately trying to kick and squirm and get away from the overwhelming feeling at this point. You gasped for air, looking back up at him. “I'm sorryhyhy I'm sorry I swehehear!! Ehehe— I was juhust hahaving a bahahad dahahahay!! Ahahahaha!! I'm sorryhyhy fohor ignorihihing youhuhu!!”

Jax looked down at your genuine expression and, satisfied with the apology, pulled his fingers away from you. He let you catch your breath, snickering at how cute you looked all tired and beat like that.

“Apology accepted,” he simply said, chuckling as you shot him a frustrated glare. Though, deep inside it wasn't about the apology or your rude behaviour or your ignoring him. He didn't want to lose you, you were his best friend, and if not losing you to abstraction meant tickling you until you were begging in tears, then so be it.

“Youhu’re such a jeherk…” you softly giggled out, panting on the floor and zoning out at the wall. You could still feel the tingles from where his fingers were teasing you, and… Honestly? You felt more loved and appreciated now than you ever have by any of the others in the circus.

Who knew that the only one who can bring you some semblance of happiness was this purple idiot?

“You ready to go, Y/N?”

His voice spooked you out of your zoned out state, and your eyes widened in surprise. He had gotten off of you and was now standing, staring down at you with his hands in the pockets of his overalls. Jax almost never calls you by your actual name, so his tone now was… Suspiciously friendly.

“Um…Y-Yeah just…”

You didn't really want to explain that you wanted to spend a little more time with him before leaving your bedroom. But he seemed to catch your drift anyway, offering a hand to help you stand up, then sitting on your bed and getting into a relaxed pose again.

You hesitantly sat down next to him, and smiled softly up at him, which he returned. Your stomach fluttered, and you decided to close your eyes and just soak in the peaceful silence between the two of you.

…Maybe being here wasn't so bad, after all.

#jax #tadc #ler!jax #tadc tickling #sfw tickling #jax tadc #sfw tkl community #sfw tickling community #tickle fic #jax x reader #jax x you #lee!you #lee!reader #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus tickling #bibi writes

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blkkizzat · 2 days ago

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I've been holding this in for a while but the latest "lets flood the x reader tags with posts complaining about what writers write" has pmo to my limit. allow me this please and i will put the rest under the cut...

for the love of god please stop calling people on tumblr, especially smut writers/enjoyers, 'porn addicts' because you sound like an uneducated, highly sheltered, dumbfuck.

i'm sorry but you sound slow and like you have zero life experience. and it seriously makes me question if you are a minor hiding behind an 18/19 age tag. (because it is always y'all especially saying this).

do y'all know what addicts are? have you ever had an addict of anything in your life? do you know what that entails?

What IS a porn addiction.

being an addict means your entire life is centered around your addiction.

it means your work, school, home and general relationships with everyone in your life is being negatively affected by this addiction

It means if you are driving/taking public transport, you watching porn.

out with friends or dinner with family? you're sneaking away to consume porn or reading smut.

At work/school, you watch or read in the background (think of all the stories of kanye west in adidas boardroom meetings literally having porn playing in the background while they discuss shoes... insanity and i can only imagine the amount of paperwork HR had to do to ensure no one would gets sued).

Overall, you are constantly consumed by the urges to consume smut/porn and its the main priority in your life. THAT is addiction.

What is NOT a porn addiction:

It's not after a long stressful day of work, school, and just surviving in this fucked up world (especially if you support yourself 100% and pay bills) wanting to decompress and escape by writing, consuming or enjoying smut/hentai/porn about fictional characters.

hell it ain't even a porn addiction if to fall asleep or decompress you need to self-soothe rub one out to it at night to relax to smut or hentai or porn links.

It's more of a reflection of a fucked up world who majority of people are so stressed because they can barely afford a living or have no access to mental health services, let alone medicines, or maybe they have all that but they also are just trying to exist in a country that either wants to take all their rights away or see them d3@d. it could be literally anything that causes them stress and they just want some relief and endorphins. that is not an addiction. sure its not the solution to their issues, but its helping them get by and they are perfectly functional without consuming porn.

now COULD there be some people on this app who do have porn addictions? Sure, but those aren't the people you know about who are taking the time to write fics, or engage with others or be apart of the community. they are likely just blank accounts liking/reblogging so they can just binge all day.

and low key the once or twice i did see someone say "they had a porn addiction" they literally just sounded like the actual root of the issue was depression and using smut/porn as an avoidance to dealing with issues. BUT it didn't quite qualify as an addiction because they were easily able to disengage cold turkey and not have it negatively effect them when they did decide it was getting to be unhealthy. thats also not an addiction, maybe heading towards it but not there yet. addiction means dependency you dont have a dependency if you are able to give it up easily.

wanna hear about someone who actually had a porn addiction i've personally seen? so storytime...

i've worked in media most of my career. at one point i worked for the mouse's sports company (think about it lol should be obvious). for orientation i was flown out to big HQ. everyone is given a tour of the facilities where they film everything at. also we saw behind the scenes. you know in tv/movies you see those dark rooms where producers/editors sit during a live broadcast? those rooms. so at this company they allow people to see into those rooms without disturbing them (as they could be live on air) as there is a dark one way type of mirror so you can see in, but they cannot see out/see hallway light that would be distracting.

one of the jobs in the production rooms at this sports company is a sports analyst. now this aint no easy job to get, it is probably one of the hardest jobs in the entire company to get, harder than executive interviews, as they open applications once a year and there is probably 6K+ applicants for that ONE position. your job is to feed the sportscasters sports facts live as they are on air. 95% of what you give them has to be off the top of your head, so you literally just have to know hundreds of random sports facts and just be able to give that to them at a moments notice. its a very respected job in the company cause these guys know their shit and study sports facts for years to get this position.

so wouldn't you know one of them had a porn addiction.

on my tour, literal first day at the job, and we were walking by one of production rooms. there sitting at the back row, so the row we can see the easiest that is in front of the windowed mirror. he is literally sitting there with three monitors: whats happening live on air, random files/notes, and then hardcore porn of this woman getting fucked from all angles by like different men. He wasn't even jerking. He wasn't even looking at it. He was just doing his job like having that porn up was the most normal thing in the world, like it was a fuckin podcast lmfao. LOL our tour guide was so scandalized, she immediately rushed us away from there and phone in on her walkie talkie. (it was a kiiii though me and this other guy were trying not to laugh but i was literally in tears trying to hold it in. i think other people thought i was crying cause i was upset but it was just too funny but i had to play it off cause people got yelled at for laughing).

but the sad part is i heard later that the guy didnt even realize he had it up. that watching porn was just so normalized to him and something hed do all the time he didnt even think that he had pulled it up at work. Now he fucked up his dream job and is unemployeed with a super niche skill having to provide for his family and i think he had like 3 kids too. He'd studied 5 years straight to get that job and he blew it. THATS what addiction looks like. That's how it can utterly destroy your life. Even an addiction that is not drugs can physically destroy you can still tear apart your life.

I don't think anyone who calls people reading smut on tumblr 'porn' addicts understands that. nor do you have the proof to know what people do outside of this app to know how it is or isnt consuming their life.

this was long and alot but i needed to get his off my chest cause some of y'all really be pmo by how ridiculous you sound throwing around the term 'porn addiction' please grow tf up, quickly.

imma start blocking y'all saying it too cause regardless of your age im going to assume you are a minor cause theres no way an actual adult with any kind of education or life experience is saying this shit.

cut it tf out.

xoxo, Kali.

p.s. this also includes haters of twt porn links saying people who like/enjoy them have addiction. im callin' your dumbasses out too.

#•𐦍 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉тαℓк #ranty rants #writing community #fan fic writers #anime writers #fan fic community #yeah im poppin off here #but it needs to be said.#smut writing #writers on tumblr #also notice how i didnt clog the x reader tags to make this post

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reasonssknj · 3 days ago

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nobody asked for it but i want to give you guys a better insight on my shifting journey and some conclusions i got after shifting again today after a while.

I've been on this journey since 2021 and i shifted for the first time maybe a week after finding out what shifting was. but as many here, i was deep down in shiftok with disinformation all around and i build many bad beliefs around my journey that had already been successful, and i couldn't shift for maybe 2 years.

then i took a break from shifting because my life here felt better and i didn't feel like i had a reason to shift anymore. last year, 2024, i went back to shifting but completely away from shiftok and only trusting my instincts on what felt better for myself, and i mini shifted constantly doing wtv i wanted to, sometimes i wanted to use subs, sometimes i didn't, sometimes i just went to sleep, sometimes i used affirmations. and even though i always tried different things, the one thing that has always been there was my clear intention, i always say to myself before going to sleep: 'i trust and believe in myself that i will wake up in my intended desired reality'. And that's it, besides that i don't do much and i either enter the void before i fall asleep or i wake up there.

the top things i learned during me 4 years journey so far, is that:

• it's okay to use shifting as an escape, you don't have to enjoy where you are here to be able to enjoy there, you can totally hate it here and still live your best life in your dr.

• you'll undoubtedly and inevitably, eventually shift. there's no room for discussion, if you believe it fully or not, if you're frustated or not, you will eventually shift, all your hard work will be worthy.

• there's no magic formula for shifting and when everyone says that it's a personalized and individual journey, they're not lying. discover what simply feels right for you and be consistent.

• it's okay to feel frustated and it would actually be weird if you didn't feel like it, your feelings show that you're human and they make your journey unique. ask yourself why you're feeling this way instead of condemning yourself for feeling bad.

• feel the fear and do it anyways. you can feel scared once you're in the void or if you use awake methods and feel the shift, it can be scary, but don't allow this feeling to keep you from living the life you deserve.

that's it for now, thank you if you read this far and happy shifting ♡

#reality shifting #shiftblr #shifters #shifting community #shifting #shifting antis dni #shifting consciousness #shifting motivation #desired reality #harry potter dr #kpop dr #idol dr #shiftinconsciousness #shifting reality #shifting blog

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system-of-a-feather · 3 days ago

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So what's up with the Feathers anyways?

Hey all, I just wanted to make a formal post that I can attach to my pinned post explaining a few things that we - as a collective and system - are doing lately as part of our recovery since it's something I know might be weird in the standard CDD / system experiences found online.

For those that don't know, we are a diagnosed DID system that has fully fused (we personally dislike Final Fusion as a term the word "Final" implies stuff that doesn't suit us nor do we like the idea of any sort of finality). This just means that probably about 90% of the time, we operate as a fused whole of all parts of our system that we call Feathers, Fei, [irl name], or "the collective" depending on the setting and/or what flows better in text / conversation. This fused whole / collective is what you probably close to what you think of when you think of final fusion and us operating as a "singlet".

The remaining 10% or so are times when we actively choose to operate as individual parts / a specific part separate from the collective; most often this is either to 1) enjoy something in a specific way that a specific part does 2) explore a concept, topic, situation, interaction, event, etc from a specific lens or a diversity of lenses and engage in discourse with ourselves because we find that fun and 3) to assist in trauma processing. (See FAQ 1 below)

And so we've spent the past year? two? three? in a state of functional multiplicity then this weird hybrid of alternating between functional multiplicity and fully fused, and then almost a year of being a fused whole most of our time. We've become extremely resilient and very stable and most of our trauma processing and therapy goals have been explicitly about self improvement and reclaiming the last tight knots of trauma that we still struggle with. We have gained a shit ton of coping skills, self sufficiency, and honestly most of our days are a 8/10 if not better.

That said, even though we are fully fused, that doesn't mean we are perfectly integrated. While we have very very low dissociation / dissociative symptoms and access to all parts of ourselves without experiencing much dissociation, not all parts of ourselves has been fully processed and not all of our parts have found their niche in our fused whole. This also makes it so those parts are MUCH more prone to both being interested in and actively presenting as independent parts from the collective. (See FAQ 2 below)

Historically, our system that is polyfragmented has had one half / side of our overall system that has explicitly refused to engage with life which we respect through our recovery. (No I will not explain any questions on that being unhealthy, its not your place to judge.) We actually managed to reach full fusion without interacting much with those parts beyond through a liason (ie Lin). Because those part had a minimal role in our recovery and development of a fused self, those parts are unevenly integrated and repressented in our fused whole.

Thus, while Feathers / the collective is a fused whole of our entire system, Feathers / the collective is EXTREMELY biased in favor of the "main system" that has been running this blog since like 2018. By all means this is absolutely a sustainable place for us to be in; however, as we've been working in EMDR we've been hitting stuck points rooted in parts in the other side of the system that are harder to navigate and challenge because those parts are not as well integrated as the other parts and thus are less open to discussion and are more rigid. Those parts still operate more as explicit ANPs and EPs (think primary stuctural dissociation) when approached about trauma associated with those parts and it's been a challenge.

Adding on that those parts have been made more aware more often of life continuing forward, we've actually heard expressed interest in potentially "trying again" and exploring themselves as parts, which is an AMAZING win and step for our system. Those parts struggle a lot more than parts of the main system and have much less positive experiences than even some of the "most traumatized" parts in the main system, so even the most ANP part we consider to need a lot of trauma sensitive support.

Lin, who has worked with these parts the longest, has his Method of Doing Things with Heavily Traumatized Children in our system and a lot of that starts with letting those traumatized parts explore the world a their own pace and get used to being Not Triggered AND present and after thinking about it we decided the best way to let those parts explore themselves, explore their world, explore themselves in relation to other versions of themselves, would be to allow that whole side system to do EVERYTHING our side did, but in their own way.

And so we are doing what we jokingly call DID NG+ or DID Season 2, where we are letting all those parts - whenever prominent or present - express and engage in the world as themselves, independent of the collective but not without the collective there. (See FAQ 3 below)

And so our system is fully fused, frequently operates as a fused whole still about 85-90% of our day, AND has a bunch of parts showing up and posting on this blog as independent selves / parts because online spaces is their first place to explore and adjust to existing once again.

Our main system / overall collective honestly doesn't have too much to say on this blog much anymore because plurality and DID just isn't that interesting, relevant, or something we really experience too much anymore; however some of our parts are going to be exploring the DID experience somewhat again and a lot of those parts have a more genuine and personal interest in the topic as it is relevant to them.

Thus, for the most part, we are kind of passing the torch of DID related topics and discussion to those parts. Feathers and the collective and all those parts that have run this blog are 100% here, but its very likely the amount of DID/plurality related posts we make as a collective will likely be SWAMPED out by the more-motivated to talk about DID stuff side system. (See FAQ 4)

-------------

FAQs beneath the cut.

FAQ 1: Wait so are you intentionally dissociating? Isn't that harmful? Aren't you just splitting? Do you switch? Are you really at final fusion / fully fused if you still identify as individual parts?

No. No. No. No. Yes.

No #1. Firstly, this is something we actually practice as something adjacent to our Buddhist exploration and our active practices with mindfulness and meditation and it is partially a meditation on ourselves, a practice of observation of our raw and innate self, and a practice of non-attachment to the concept and sense of self. As a result, our experience of selves come from a method of mindfulness and meditation; as a result we have some of the LEAST amount of dissociative symptoms when we do this and actually function with a lot more awareness of + connection to ourselves and surroundings. It is explicitly the opposite of dissociation in experience and I would know, because I used to chronically dissociate.

No #2, 3, 4. It is not splitting or harmful because there is literally no dissociation. (We heavily disagree that identifying different parts of yourself is inherently dissociative and find that claim to be very White / Western centric and culturally insensitive + blind to systemic white bias in research + clinical spaces) We can choose to divide ourselves, but no part is ever actually separate from the whole / collective beyond self expression and internal representation. Also no, we don't switch nor do we ever feel inclinded to use that word anymore because it really doesn't express our experiences anywhere near accurately. We present, we appear, we show up, we MIGHT consider using the word "front" but at no part does any part ever leave anymore, so switching and implying that places have changed just doesn't make sense. At most a part fades into the background, but that is less them being "gone" or "not front" and more of them just not being prominent, much like water receding from the shore isn't "gone".

Yes #5. Because our base line is fused and every part is actually connected 24/7 and present 24/7, so yes.

FAQ #2: Okay but are you REALLY fused with that side system if you didn't interact with them much? Okay but do THOSE parts have dissociation / switch / everything in FAQ #1?

To the first, yes; to the second, no. I really can't elaborate more in a way that I think isn't a waste of words. All I can say is "you are allowed to be skeptical, but I know myself and my experiences and I think its very weird for that to be questioned"

FAQ #3: So how does this look irl?

We appear and act as a fused whole most of the day, most of the time, and basically in all spaces that are not theraputic or just us on our own. This is likely going to change over time because all the parts from those side are very adverse to being around people irl, so as that likely changes for the better, so will this presentation probably. We aren't too sure exactly how it'll present then, but we are pretty excited to find out. Most of this happens in our own head and in private spaces; online spaces are just the spaces where we practice moving it beyond just our private spaces as it's the next step for parts that are ready.

FAQ #4: So is Feathers / the Collective an alter?

Uhhh.... not really but also kind of? We honestly don't really... identify, like Feathers / the Collective isn't really a person or thing; it's a concept. We don't really consider ourselves a person or a part or an alter in any solid way because we're not really this tangible thing. We just kind of Are. Feathers is just Feathers.

That said, when we do operate with these parts who are exploring themselves in something of a traditional DID process, we kind of operate with them something like an alter / part. I wouldn't say its exactly the same as they still have a very strong and clear connection and access to Feathers / the collective, but we largely do still maintain our mostly fused whole while those parts operate independently and use that lens to mostly observe and every so often assist / debrief about things going on with those parts. We are more so a mentor than anything else? Those parts also aren't seperate from Feathers / the collective literally ever so.... *shrugs*

Honestly, I can't really say a firm "yes or no" to this because I think its really just depends on a lot of a philosophy of "self" and what concepts and philosophies you subscribe to. So I guess my answer is "do you think they are?" cause really, I think either answer could be right and I don't really care too much to label it one or the other.

#pinned post #system update #evaline subsystem #evaline subsys #vocaloid-subsys

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milkymora · 2 days ago

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✧ arcane women - childhood headcanons ✧

note: got a little emotional while writing this but what can i do. missing arcane like a mf. everything is sfw obv, cts of pictures used to their respective owners on pinterest. characters: vi, jinx, caitlyn, mel, sevika.

⟢ vi.

vander always listened to old rock songs. it was the same 4 ones on repeat, one of them being “god of thunder” by kiss. he’d exaggerate his singing just to make her laugh, and it always worked, until she learnt the lyrics as well: blowing, together, felicia’s eardrums.

felicia understood vi liked girls when she was 5 yo. how? simply because the little menace vi was, would suddenly go quiet, shy and a little red even, when met by a girl she thought was cute. she would talk quietly and try to befriend them by timidly sharing her toys, just to go to her mom later on and tell her how pretty her new friend was.

she always included powder when she went to play with other kids. little pow was always the youngest and sometimes the other kids would be mean to her, because she didn’t understand games rules and couldn’t play well. however that’d happen only once, because vi wouldn’t allow it a second time.

⟢ jinx.

used to get sick so easily. always with a runny nose, a fever or cough. vander would spend hours cooking recipes for her; and he would always manage to make them taste good and look appetizing, chopping veggies in star or heart shapes, or adding anything that could make it look cute to a child’s eyes. and it worked! she would always eat it.

she was very scared of the dark and struggled to sleep some nights. that’s when vi would tell her bed time stories she’d create on the spot, or sing her their mother’s lullabies, until she’d fall asleep.

when she was learning how to write, she’d exercise writing little love letters for vander and vi. though she would always spell vander wrong, writing it “vinder” because she’d get confused, mixing the two names.

⟢ cait.

she had all kinds of toys, from dolls to mini, plastic shotguns. cassandra absolutely hated the latters, however there was no denying little cait adored playing with them way more than the dolls. she would always annoy her with it when she was working.

she didn’t really have any friends growing up, aside from jayce. she was either studying (yes, she was home schooled) or training her shots with older enforcers. she didn’t mind being alone, but when jayce became her friend she realized how good it was for her. jayce allowed her to vent a lot, about anything.

cassandra was always overprotective of her, mainly showing her tough love and giving her restrictions on basically everything, yet... there were a few times where the two of them had tender moments, like when caitlyn playfully wore her mother’s wedding dress for fun and cassandra actually got so emotional she teared up.

⟢ mel.

always a quiet girl, with her nose buried in her books. historical ones precisely; her mother made her passionate about history, telling her all kinds of fun facts about the places she’d been at, making her curiosity bloom into a desire for knowledge of the past that made her devour hundredths of books during her childhood (and teenage hood).

another passion she had was art. as we’re shown on the show, mel can paint. that’s because she’s always done it since she was a child, one of the many things ambessa wasn’t fond of. nevertheless, her mother’s disapproval never stopped her from continuing her hobby, that is one of the things that make her feel best when doing it. ambessa ended up giving in and actually enjoying her works, finding a way to get one and put it on her chamber’s wall.

had an amazing relationship with her brother kino. both him and her were very similar, interests and personality wise, so it became a habit to find comfort in the other when one was not feeling okay. they always knew which words to use.

⟢ sevika.

she was actually pretty timid as a child. she hated fighting and seeing others fight, which was why she’d always run off when it happened. and, unfortunately, it happened all the time. for that reason, her childhood had been pretty harsh and she suffered a lot because of it.

but there wasn’t only bad times. although she wasn’t close with her father, she got along with her mother just fine. they had lots of loving mother-daughter moments, cooking together and doing each other’s hair. her mother would often compliment her eyes, “you have your father’s eyes, with my face”.

she would always help other kids. the ones she thought were deserving of it of course, helping them when they’d get hurt for a reason or another or simply keeping them company if their parents weren’t around. it’s one of the reasons she’s well known in zaun.

i hurt my own feelings writing about sevika but oh god, there are no freaking canon infos about her past it’s unfair. gosh i love my babies so much. stick around if you’d like more arcane content pretties, i’ve got plenty more in store for ya >:).

✧ arcane navigation. ✧

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evendimmer · 14 hours ago

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Who do you relate to more: Agatha or Rio?

Another really tough question, anon. Something I haven’t thought of actually.

Agatha

I am not like Agatha. I don’t have to put up a tough front to protect myself or con myself out of things, if anything I would be the one conned by her. I’m fortunate enough to have good company around me even though I did went through some tough times in my early school days.

More importantly, do I have such a strong survival instinct that I’m willing to do anything just to survive, even at the expense of others?

I don’t think I can.

I do, however, relate to the homophobic undertones between Agatha and her mother because—

Yeah. (She didn’t say I was born evil but yknow, 🎵homophobia🎵 )

Rio

I’m not 100% a rule follower, but I do things by the books most of the time. Not much of a psycho either as Rio admits, however I do enjoy a bit of mischief every now and then.

Fine, more often than I’d like to admit.

Now in terms of a relationship

Am I one to avoid to talk when a crisis comes up? Am I one to distract myself with anything, numb myself just so I don’t have to think about the problem?

Am I one willing to do anything to make it work, to a point where I am even willing to bend my own principles? Spend time after time chasing my partner down, begging them to just talk to me?

Been there done that.

So yeah, my answer is Rio.

I’m not saying which characters approach to a relationship is better, both of them are flawed in their own ways. It looks like I’m trash talking Agatha a lot in this post but at the end of the day, I’m an Agatha Harkness apologist and I love her unapologetically.

I love them both, Agatha Harkness and Rio Vidal, equally.

#tinu that's another fucking essay #agatha harkness #rio vidal #agatha x rio #agathario #asks #tinu hush

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pollux-starsz · 22 hours ago

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introduced my mama to @wyervan's slasher au, guess what

Shes insane for it just as i am (we're so swag) and EEEESSSHHH she is crushing on sun!!! Adores your art sososo much, said she eat it if it were cookies!!

Check the au out!!💗💓 stuff under the cut :3

Was doing a lot of whiteboarding lately! A ton of Kalamela stuff and whatnot, i love her sosos much.

Plus a fun art I did with @su-gu3 with their Slasher OC, Kilonova! I drew the two hanging out together and we're friends so we obviously had to make them be besties😆 they're hanging out while Kilonova crushes over Sun :3c

Yes I did have a vision of the slashy boys fighting over who gets the first dance, more on that below the art😋

Before the dance stuff, the last art piece is actually a much more like- i guess lore like piece hdodndod

The masks that Sun and Moon use plus the blood represents the killings. The heart represents Ethan, because she deep down adores that child.

(Even if she struggles to show it sometimes)

I have a feeewww other versions but they're not finished yet💔😅

Okay dance time! So Crystal Cove holds this little event every few months to raise money for charity ( the owners being a cute old couple aaugghhhh <3)

And Kalamela and basically all the other staff normally work that night to avoid any issues and also to raise support as well. She often doesn't dress up since she doesn't feel like it, that and also theres a few customers who are creeps- im actually writing about that and purposely making her beat their asses- and tries to just avoid the overall commotion and craziness! But the boys wont take no for an answer because she always spoils them so why not give her a night to have some fun eh?

More rambles below :3c

- I was thinking about this a lot but I think at some point she'd have to ask if Sun and Moon could let Ethan stay with them so he won't be witnessing a bunch of bullshit from his father, who sometimes comes over to her place just to start problems. I like to imagine she'll call them at least 30 minutes before he arrives and drives him over to their place to stay for a few hours until things calm down because she knows they'll take care of him!

- Kalamela isn't the type for romance movies, unless it's the Titanic, but I dont even know if that would be out in the very specific year the au takes place in considering it was released in 1997!! Either way😙 She often prefers horror movies and I think she'd really enjoy watching them with Sun, maybe its just so she has an excuse to cuddle up against him or just the thrill of watching some action! Who knowssss~

- She often lets Moon take Mango home for the night, he loves that parrot so much. Which usually gets an "Again?" from Sun because he always watches her whenever he gets the smallest chance.

- She definitely goes absolutely CRAZY on presents for holidays like Valentine's or Christmas for these two. I have a feeling she'd notice that they clearly didn't have the best childhood or ways growing up, and being in a similar situation because her family is extremely religious and she never had any freedom until she moved away, she often tries to make them happy and gets them as many gifts as possible. She spent all her money on them at on point and her only explanation was "I care for you guys a bit too much."

- cough wyervan ever since you mentioned that throwing a rock situation to get it through their heads that Kalamela loves them more than friends I can't help but imagine that she'd ask her friends about how to talk to them and her two friends, (Sprite and Eclipse, both guys, married gay men. They are extremely supportive. Would be great to have a beer with btw.) offer to help her, and eclipse throws a rock at both of them with a note attached to it while she just stands there in absolute shock that he actually aimed for their head. Oh and Sprite had to help Moon hold Sun back from beating his ass. Good times.

- I feel like at some point she would accidentally come across them killing someone and it results in this huge "oh shiiiitttt" moment from Sun and Moon as they drag her away into a more secluded area and then beg her not to tell anyone. (Even though her and Moon already talk about the killings, he still freaked) She doesn't rat them out because she is NOT getting slashed today, but often finds herself contemplating whether she should move and cut contact with them, despite the fact she loves them oh-so dearly!

#dca slasher au #dca slasher sun #dca slasher moon #dca slasher au y/n #daycare attendant #dca #dca moon #dca sun #dca au #ur honor they're all married with a crazy energetic child and have a pet chihuahua and parrot dont put them in jail!!!#i love them so much im going to explode #hear me out but what if they wore the wedding dresses and she wore the suit

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lxdymoon0357 · 1 day ago

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Hey, first of all, you're an absolute gift for single handedly fighting the fanfic drought in the villainess reverses the hourglass fandom. I read all your fics about it and I'm not even a Lohan fan lol. I was hoping to request Karin (platonically) with a reader who's her stepdaughter like mielle but they actually have a good relationship. Before Karin's wedding, her and reader have a conversation and reader tells Karin that when she thinks of a mother, she thinks of her and it's a cute found family moment. And it's my first time requesting so if it's too vague or too detailed or anything please lmk!

(Oh m god, thank you so much!! This made my entire week, for a thank you, take this post extra early and extra nice. I worked hard. See? This is what you guys can get if you give me compliments, yes i'm an attention whore. No, I do not care.|| found family troupe? You're Mielle's sister too. Fem! Reader. ALSO FIRST POST OF 2025)

Mum's bonus princess

Carin would be running around usually, doing something with Aria or something. But right now, she was being fitted for her wedding dress, so she was busy to do anything. Admiring the way the lace was being fitted, Carin wouldn't mind saying she was highly privileged to somehow get here and give her darling daughter Aria this sort of life.

But her mind did stray to her current husband's three children he had with his previous wife; Cain, the eldest son, Mielle, the daughter who was sort of stand-offish to her but still civil and bubbly, and finally you, Y/N..Possibly the favourite of your entire family, adored by your brother, Mielle, maids and your father.

She hoped you wouldn't be offended by Aria and her coming to your house. She knew the ideas of nobles had about commoners, especially ones like her who seemed prettier than most; you're either heavily blessed by gods and somehow luckier in life, or you're unluckier than most..

For someone like her, who has a child, it was the latter for her. Most people would simply blame her for being involved with a man, as if she was a seductress with her figure and beauty.

But Carin worked hard to give her daughter the life she wanted, and she hoped she could enjoy this life and her stepchildren would be civil with her.

Finally being done, Carin was walking out to the garden when she saw you giggling gently in Mielle's arms at the table with your father and brother, Mielle softly blowing raspberries on your cheek as you giggled, your hands dug into her straight and soft blonde hair and her fluffy collar-ed dress, while Aria watched from aside, as your eyes glanced at Carin before they were again brought back by Mielle on her face.

She immediately felt saddened, hoping maybe this situation might fix as she walked to Aria, patting her back, who kept watching Mielle play with you on her lap and in her arms.

"Why don't you play with them?" Carin gently asked, as you let out a particularly loud laugh as Mielle giggled, holding you close to her, as Aria looked down, "..Mielle doesn't want me near Y/N.." she said huffing as Carin sighed, her eyes falling on her husband.

Her husband looked at her, as she motioned with her eyes to make his children include her girl to as he shrugged, "Mielle, why don't you and Aria talk? You're two the same age and who knows you might find something in common?", he said as Miellee turne to Aria, resisting the urge to roll her eyes as your brother took you in his arms as you giggled, patting Cain's face, as you turned to your father with a giggle and the new mum.

Mielle moved beside to sit with Aria, of-course very standoff-ish and unapproachable but Carin motioned for Aria to try to make conversation and they got a bit dry conversation going which did make Carin smile as she sat down at the table, her eyes turning to you giggling and playing in your brother's lap as your brother and father watched you lovingly.

She got to know everyone, except you, but it was simple to say Carin was nervous. You were the literal baby of the family and possibly everything ran around your finger, she did not even get to talk to in public like this due to her own nervousness.

If you did not like her, you could end this entire marriage within seconds, so hopefully she begged that Mielle wasn't feeding you ideas that she was trying to replace your mum.

Of-course you slid out of your father's lap and waddled back to Mielle, you adored her more than anything, being so young..you had Mielle around your fingers too, Mielle only smiled, picking you up and placing you on her lap as she continued to converse with Aria about fashion trends going on in social circles.

"And baroness Herovi-"Hovii" you copied Mielle as she giggled, "Oh? You want to join elder girls now, do you?" she gently kissed your cheek as you squealed in happiness, pulling gently on her hair as Emma smiled, gently patting your back as you kissed Mielle's cheek, making her smile, Aria stood aside, smiling a bit outcasted, but happy at your cuteness as well.

"Ri'.." you softly giggled, turning to Aria and catching her eyes, her hair was wavy, bouncy, not like Mielle's and you wanted to touch it as Emma held you back, making you pout and whine to remove your grip and touch Aria's hair.

but Emma kept a tight hold, she'd rather die than let her late lady' darling child interact with a commoner..

But seeing your distress, Mielle sighed, you were stubborn, no idea who you got it from, and she loved you..she promised herself and her mother to support you in whatever you wanted and supposedly, right not, you wanted to touch Aria's hair, so she swatted and removed Emma's hand from your tin, chubby wrist,

"Let them be, Emma" Mielle said, almost upset as Emma surprisingly stepped back as Aria gently waved to you as you reached out to her, Mielle didn't want to hand you over.

She loved keeping you on her lap, but as she turned, she saw her father motioning for her to let you bond with your stepsister..So she sighed,

"Keep your hands steady on my sibling, better not drop them"

Mielle hissed to Aria, who nodded nervously and held out her hands as you giggle and stayed in her arms, almost her size since Aria was such a small girl, despite being Mielle's age.

You gently dug your hand into Aria's hair and giggle, holding it up as if to show it to Mielle, who had arms crossed but nodded with a smile, "Yes..her hair is blonde, like mine" she smiled, gently rubbing your back while you were in Aria's arms.

Carin smiled, atleast Ari was being included, that's all that mattered to her. You spent a while in Aria's arms, babbling about everything and anything, which made no sense.

You were talkative, Carin and Aria learned.. After a while, Mielle again took you back into her arms, since that was more than enough for Aria's first time with you, as you giggle, holding onto Mielle's lacy collar as she gave you biscuits and broke them smaller for you to grab easily and not choke,

"Chew gently, okay?" she said, lovingly as she gave you a piece in your tiny fist.

The day spent, hour and Mielle, Aria and Cian had to leave for some lessons, leaving you giggling on you father's lap, as Carin watched with a smile,

as you gently turned to her, finally spotting her in awhile. You thought she was a bit scary, like evil stepmum from Cinderella but she got your gifts sometimes and Mielle liked her, so you were scared..but accepting her, somewhat.

You kept eyeing her, looking at her. She was so pretty, but was she nice?? Like Mielle or Cain or your father? Will she make you work in rags for Aria???

You couldn't tell, but you unconsciously reached to her, making your father and Carin freeze up in slight surprise before your father motioned Carin to take you, a bit upset she was leaving you waiting.

Carin immediately took you closer, holding you on her lap like she used to for Aria, your hands fiddling with her fan as you held onto the purple lace of her dress, while Carin smiled,

"So..Are you ready for your new mum yet?" your father asked as you turned to him and your cheeks formed a pout,

"No! I won't wash dishes in rag clothes!", "...What?"

you huffed, turning your head and flopping backwards causing Carin to hold you, why do children act like jelly when annoyed?!

"...Sweetheart, again..What did you say?" your father asked as Carin sat there, exasperated, already catching up to what you meant, "I won't be washing dishes and clothes in rag clothes with evil stepmum like Cinderella!" you huffed, crossing your arms.

Your father almost laugh but only chuckled and gently rubbed your back,

"no, it's okay. Your new mum will not make you work in rag clothes. She's just a new mum",

"like shopping bags?", "No-", "like dolls?!" you asked excitedly.

That made Carin hide her face behind her fan while your father awkwardly apologized to Carin, who brushed it off with a 'it's okay'.

"No, a mum", "muma?" you asked turning to Carin who gently pulled her fan down and nodded, "yes. I'll be a new mum and I won't be evil, promise" she assured you, making you uncross your arms and tilt your head.

"So...No cinders for me? No Cindered.....no CinderY/N?" you asked curiously making her smile and shake her head, "you don't have to be covered in cinders." she assured, as you giggled,

"Okay..New mum is amazing!!" you said excitedly, "Alright, time to sleep" your father said as Carin hugged you one last time because you wanted it and ran off to your father where your father took you away to put to bed.

Atleast Carin wasn't dying to call you CinderY/N or make you clean in rags..Mielle wouldn't ever allow it, but a bonus princess was nice. Especially if she was like you, preferably you.

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