#NOT EVEN AUGUST LIKE JULY ACTUALLY
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FUCK LANDLORDS RAAAAAAAAAAAH
#my fucking landlord after being confusing and inscrutable all of last week told me i had to move out by TODAY#at 8pm she told me this!! i gotta be out by tomorrow!#it鈥檚 just to another unit in the same complex but it initially it was just gonna be 2 weeks while they replace the bathroom#because it鈥檚 been leaking for MONTHS#but now they鈥檙e remodeling the whole place and it鈥檚 gonna be til january before they鈥檙e done w construction#AND THIS IS A PROBLEM I FLAGGED IN MAY AND BROUGHT UP THE IDEA OF REDOING THE BATHROOM IN AUGUST#AJAJDHJSJSNDNNDKDKJDNF#NOT EVEN AUGUST LIKE JULY ACTUALLY#but they were like no are u SUUUURE you鈥檙e not just splashing water out of the shower?#NO BITCH THE PIPE WAS FUCKING RUSTED OUT AND THE FLOOR HAS BEEN FILLING WITH WATER#ughhhhhhhhhhhh#i hate being right all the time#cassiopeia lookin ass#rant
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My end of summer was so catastrophic and relentless that I genuinely don't even know how to begin processing everything that happened. I've just been clinging to whatever small piece of survival instict I have and kept going nonstop. Like imagine the average amount of life disasters you'd usually have during 5-10 years, and put them within just a few weeks. That was my summer :')
Seriously, in the span of 3 weeks:
My grandpa died
My grandma's cancer progressed to the point where they stopped her treatmet and she was moved to palliative care
I got covid so I had to postpone my top surgery that I had waited for for half my life
My uncle had to have life saving surgery (he made it)
I lost my home bc it wasn't safe for me to live there anymore, forcing me to couch surf for the past two months
Lost one of my oldest friendships
Had just gotten diagnosed with a genetic disease that will cause constant chronic pain and disability for the rest of my life and trying to accept and process that fact
I think the next few months will be very rough as I will get hit with the aftermath of this unbelievable amount of stress and start to process the several types of grief I'm going through. I would never have made it through if not for some incredible people in my life, friends and family that have gone above and beyond to help me in this crisis. I just moved into a new flat and hopefully things will calm down now. But creators I'm fucking exhausted
#july/august was fucking devastating#it doesn't help that almost everyone i know has been hit by disasters left and right as well#what is wrong with the universe these past months#like words can't even express what it's been like#please someone send me a miracle i could really use it rn#anyway this is why i haven't been replying much or engaging with people these past months#now you know#im actually kinda sad that i couldn't focus and feel the joy of so many big milestones in my transition bc of this#another grief to process i guess#if i survive this i can survive anything right *laughs and cries*#tw death#elfy thoughts
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50,000 words. 50k words of aki sex. five zero zero zero zero. aki sex.
#don't mind the fact that I was supposed to reach this work count like two weeks ago uhhhhhhhh#I haven't had time to write more than like 200 words a day recently I'm sorry...#BUT HEY I DID IT OKAY#I'm about like... halfway done with the seggs#and then after that I have the ending portion to write#and there may be a small epilogue#after that I need to edit and proofread the whole second chapter#AND THEN. THEN AND ONLY THEN. WILL I FINALLY BE FREE#godddddd this fic has held me hostage for far too long#I think somewhere around 60k words will be the final word count#when I reach that milestone I'm actually done I swear#why is this my longest fic to date by a long shot too I don't even know#I wanna say expect the first chapter sometime next month but...#I know me and I know that me has a lot of work and I know that shooting for september is a healthier goal#WHAT DAFAQ BY THE WAY IT'S ALREADY JULY AND THEN IT'S GONNA BE AUGUST AND THEN IT'S GONNA BE SEPTEMBER. WHAT THE FUCK.#this is. crazy
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this is so funny to me actually bcuz this is 100% how i talk abt my characters ages. i know what YEAR they were born and i know what rheir ages are supposed to be at the start of the story but i dont actually know when it takes place?? im really bad at math. There was a moment where rainbow was supposed to be 23 and i somehow accidentally made her 17 lmfao
#theoretically it would take place in 2021 bcuz thats when i created my object ocs but the more time passes#the weirder it feels to have it take place years in the past#i considered moving up their birthdays by a few years but like. idk i like their birthdays theyre cute :3#bubblegum is SUPPOSED TO BE 15 and she was born july 2007#watermelon is supposed to be 7 and he was born june 2014#etc etc#starr is 27 and she was born september uhhh 1995 or 1997 i actually dont remember. whichever one makes sense#also that would mean building block was born in 2020 and since she's always gonna be a baby the furhter away we get#it means that she wouldnt have even been born when the story is actually supposed to take place. Like#i know their birthdays and their ages and what year they were born everybody else has to do the math#to figure out wtf is going on because I DONT KNOW#also that means that building block would be a pandemic baby lmao 馃槶#what was rhe vibe in nigeria in august 2020 during the pandemic. well i say that like it even happened in their universe#which there really isnt any reason for that to be true#it isnt historically important to mention like..... world war two or slavery or whatever. fucking obviously. in the context of objects#it gets messy so its better to just Not#also the months the characters were born really fuck me up bcuz jayden was born in late december#so for most of the first year that they met he would be.... younger than he actually is being born in 2003#but since building's block birthday and exact age is the most important timeline-wise#and she was born august 14th 2020 and she's seven months old when they first meet#then it canonically would take place in march 2021 which was my original intention#bcuz that is the actual date that i first created my object ocs#ANYWAY. boring character age ramblings#but its hard to keep track of so i dont even blame the author!!!! birthdays are weird and hard to keep up w/#when you dont know exactly when your story is supposed to take place#assuming its in a normal-ish world im sure fantasy ocs dont have this problem#txt#object ocs
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i can鈥檛 believe july is almost over. i鈥檓 not ready
#there is no meaningful difference between july 31st and august 1st but it is crossing the threshold from Summer to End Of Summer#i鈥檓 like really really really upset about it actually. might cry in public about it in a minute#i think it鈥檚 extra bad because my summer trip is over today and it was 5 days long but it didn鈥檛 feel long enough#i love fall but i can鈥檛 even think about it being winter rn it鈥檚 too depressing
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guys what if i said i was back and i was for real this time 馃ズ馃ズ i鈥檝e missed you all <33
#the med school application process is crazy!! why does this take over a year!!#every time i thought i was done there was more#studied for the mcat for like 9 months#and then took it in april#and then thought i could take a breath for a sec then boom primary applications in may/june#and then after that secondary applications july/august#but i think i can for real take a breath now#i only have like 3 more secondary applications to submit 2 of which i haven鈥檛 even received the prompts for yet#and then i鈥檓 just waiting for interview offers for the next few months#so i think i can actually breathe a little bit more now#ennuitxt
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I've been very busy the last days but I'm happy to say that my project group and I finished our semester project and handed the main part in today. A few documents and such are still left to be finalised and submitted, but thankfully another guy from my team offered to take care of that馃槍 Next week we have project exhibition at our university which requires a bit of preparation but I think it will also be fun! I'll still have to work on my dreaded thesis so I might occasionally be absent or slow to respond but it feels good to get such a big thing out of my mind.
Honestly I've been feeling all over the place during the past months because even though it was fun, the project was a good amount of work. Also the thought of my thesis kept freaking me out and on some days I was feeling just straight up awful. I felt like I had barely time left for my hobbies like drawing or cosplaying which made me sad, on top of that guilt because I sometimes felt like I didn't have enough time for my friends. But I feel like it's going uphill again and things seem more manageable, I just need to stay on track now馃挭
#this evening I'll just enjoy the success though and relax with a little bit of hand sewing <3#also had a talk with my supervisor from my former internship company and in August I can start working there again as a proper employee#(my first real job)#so if I actually manage to sit my ass down and finish my thesis for the hand in date at the end of June then July will be relax time <3#and I just recently got accepted for the master's degree programme I applied for which will start in September!#I think the fact that summer is around the corner and the days are longer and warmer has also helped with my overall mood#I'm still thinking about seeking out a psychologist at some point though - I had times where I felt like I really needed it#but even though I'm much doing better now I guess it still wouldn't hurt to at least once talk to a professional at least once#just have them analyse and explain the strange little things that can sometimes go on inside the brain#selnia talks#personal
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i hate that people seem to value my potential worth with a bachelor's degree ("you'll make more money!" as if my degree program isn't one of the least useful degrees if you're not going into med school) over my mental health. as if monthly OCD-induced and autistic meltdowns aren't bad enough.
it's not like i'm a semester or two away from graduating. i have a couple YEARS left. i'm still technically in my third year in my degree. i can only manage 3 courses at the very most and any more causes me to burn out and my executive dysfunction plummets
#vent#this isn't even mentioning the fact that i NEED. to get out of this house#it feels so selfish to say that but i live with people who either can't or don't want to actually learn#to better themselves#so i live with an extremely ableist person who would rather call my grandparents lazy over acknowleging the fact#that my grams does indeed have several disabilities that cause chronic fatigue and pain#or yells at her (autistic) son because he interrupts her in conversation and doesn't ask about her day#like.... sorry your rsd is so bad you have to passive-aggressively mention how you feel like no one cares#but don't be surprised when you move to the US to be with your partner and you never hear from your son again#not unless YOU call HIM#i can't tell my mom this because this is her sister i'm talking about and those two are so close#i kinda just want to sink into the void rn. i don't know what to do#i really hope i can get my autism assessment done in july or august and then i can maybe not do classes in the fall#i need to speak to a councellor and then my academic advisor#but i think i have enough courses to graduate with my associate's degree#and then i can go to the employment services agency for help finding a job#because it's. it's bad right now#long list of jobs i've applied for and it's like they haven't even reviewed my application#only one of them just went 'nope' and i was like 'okay cool thanks for the email you did not send'#edit this woman is also dating a trump supporter so like
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Maybe I'm just addicted to radio contests now
#Me: I don't know that I could actually go to LA in August#But this contest just requires me to 'listen' to the radio 8 hours a day through July 4th so why not#Like I don't think I even have to fill out a form. Just stream. My phone is on silent.#It's on the audacy app and included flights and hotel
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ngl the reading rumble posts have been tempting me to reread kotlc
#my tbr is so big that im not sure if i can#and even then the soonest id do it is probably like. august or very late july#but like. its been making me actually have new feelings and thoughts about the series#which is something that hasnt really happened much for a while. and stellarlune phased me out of keeper a bit.#maybe i can annotate my books.. that might be fun#we'll have to see i guess but like#genuinley thank you to everyone participating in the rumble! yall are awesome and a tiny bit insane
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I sometimes surprise myself with how good my organizational skills are. Like I'm actually pretty good at this lmao
#my overall schedule for my dissertation was 2 months (june + july) to write by paper the parts of my research i wanted to include#in the dissertation#and two months (august + september) to write it#i finished copying stuff by hand the last friday of july. like clockwork#i wanted to highlight the most important parts of what i'd been copying these past few months to make it easier for me and also reread all#so i gave myself early august to do it#i started on monday and i just finished. exactly one week lol#tomorrow i'll start writing the actual dissertation#hope it all goes like this#it usually happens tho#even when i don't obsess over it i do it according to my initial plan and schedule#it's like a superpower honestly
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I actually don't know you, I just came across your blog from my notes, so I have no prior info: in your description you said to talk to you about your comic - mind telling us a little bit about it? Whatever you want to share / are excited about / proud of etc! And again, I don't know anything about it so I'd love to hear truly anything :)
Hope your day is going nice, and if it isn't I hope it'll start to go nice from now on!
Hi ty for the ask thats rlly sweet :3
Rn I'm in my last year of art uni and I've been working on a small comic book for the past few months, tho im actually really shy to Post my art so thats y theres like nothing ab it anywhere yet. It a little romance story mainly focusing on a lesbian bar and a relationship between my ocs Robin and Vic! Its rlly slow paced but im trying to write it in a way that allows me to speak of workplace inequality, bar culture, butchfem culture, friendship and loss and community and being lonely and getting used to not being lonely anymore.
Tbh its been so hard to develop it since its like my first work that of this size (it has like 32 pages) and rn i have done 12 pages out of it that consists in the meetup of the two characters and the relationship building between them, and I gotta start thinkin from now How i want to post this up on the internet and where, cuz i rlly would want ppl to see it but idk what would b the best way to go ab it... so if someone that read till here has some tips or smth feel free to tell! I would love a little help on that part
Here s also a little illustration ive done for them two, it was mainly done just to get into the feeling and enviroment and atmosphere of the comic + a planner page ive done just to get their personalities and bodies familiar with myself! I really have come to really care ab these two ocs in the past 4 months or so in which ive developed them tru sketches and writing tbh so im rlly nervous and excited to share them here.
Im rambling now tho, more in tags, ty anon <3
#honestly ive been trying to set up a patreon but im sooo scared of actually posting my art somewhere for some reason#i feel like the only safe thing would b fanart to post but i hadnt had time for fanart in ages bcos of this comic + other assignments!#but alas my exams are around june tru july so i believe that i will post this comic fully around july or august!#i just have to think of the best way to do it#ive been thinkin of just postin it fully om patreon but idk if thats rlly the best idea#but its certainly a place where it allows me to post the sketches and plannings too so idk!#comic artists help me...#howljenky art#howljenky's#artists on tumblr#comic book#graphic novel#oh also im really excited ab this comic bcos even if its a modern storytelling#ive really been pulling strings to make it looks really fantasy-like tru architecture and enviroment#but also itll contain a sort of daydream scene where the characters r rewritten as being a prince and a knight#and yea i mean prince not princess bcos i really also want to play a bit with gender presentation in this!#vic is very feminine but i feel like she would play a lot with gender presentation if her environment would allow her to!#which it will later in the comic where she goes tru a bit if character development#anyways im rlly excited :3 i need to get over my fear of posting#and i put the phrase to talk with me ab my comic expecting nobody to really actually ask and now ive become shy...#but ty for asking nonetheless it feels great talkin ab it and i hope that till i post it in august or smth#i could mayhaps make a bit of an audience? i have like just a few followers tho so maybe not but its good to dream ab being supported KSKSK
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the kids online safety act passed the u.s. senate.
long story short (for anyone who hadn't heard of this before) the kids online safety act, aka kosa, is a bill that will censor online content and resources for lgbtq+ matters, reproductive healthcare, activism (INCLUDING PALESTINE AND LIKELY OTHER CRISES GOING ON LIKE IN CONGO OR SUDAN), mental health, etc. everywhere--its effects likely won't be contained to just america.
today, july 30th, 2024, the senate passed it 91-3. it has officially moved to the house of representatives.
is this a pretty massive setback? yes. do you have every right to be scared, sad, angry, or whatever else about this happening? absolutely. but should you give up hope completely? NO!
even though kosa passed the senate, the house is on break/august recess at the moment. we have around an entire month to get emails, calls, and faxes in to house reps, maybe more depending on when they decide to vote on it.
should it pass the house and get signed into law, we still have a whole 18 months before it actually goes into effect. this is plenty of time for digital rights orgs (e.g. fight for the future, the electronic frontier foundation) and other groups that oppose it to file a lawsuit against it. even if, worst-case scenario, it flies through the house immediately after the recess ends, we can still fight this up to march 2026.
so, yes, remember what's at stake here, but also remember that it's not over yet. we lost a battle, not the war.
below are some resources to learn more about kosa and how to contact your reps (first link) + a page that lets you directly contact progressive house reps, sign an open letter opposing the bill, and view others' testimonies against it (second link):
FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT.
#kosa#kids online safety act#free palestine#palestine#free congo#free gaza#lgbtq rights#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#activism#abortion#reproductive rights#reproductive health#censorship#congo genocide#fuck kosa#anti kosa
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#august/ july (just winter in general i think) always serves as a check in point.#bc i get DepressedTM and feel spirally bc bithday n jus . august is Rough no matter what#werein JULY and im already suffering. its coming w hands this year#anyway off topic: i am not happy lol#like#idk how to explain it. but my job is not what id like to be doing. i like certain aspects of it. but its taking such a toll on me in so man#ways i just . i dont think this is for me. i am a nighttime person but not like this#so im gonna. see if i can jump ship to a restaurant / cocktail bar here#n if not. booking it to melbourne.#not an ideal trip . will be 48hrs of travel bc . i need breaks. but . fuck brisbane#n fuck sydney (expensive)#brisbanes alright but . i dont wanna live there? i only wanted to bc it was Close n Easy ig#but anyway. reread the sick messages exchanged 2wks ago n winced at my responses but also. no wonder#im replying like that ??? hes so fuckig irritating to talk to now. likw bruhh. anyway i was dealthy ill and dealing w that.#i did fucking WELL handling his loser ass actually.#the lack of reply after i explicitly and graphically called him out on his shitty behaviour towards me like#fuck you fr dawg. you rlly cant take accountability ?#god i wanna wring his neck#its funny that i dont even know if im allowed to . send him the paragraph brewing inmy notes#n the thing is#it wouldnt matter . im not sending i to get a response from him. but i have Thoughts and have to deal with him CONSTANTLY. SO i wanna.#yell at him a lil im ngl. and then just block him for good bc fuck you for good.#dipshit.
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If I find out that an entire month+ of my migraine meds went bad because I forgot to grab them when packing before leaving my currently-not-climate-controlled house I'm going to cry actually
#orion rambles#they're a controlled substance so idk if I'll even be able to get a refill early :(#i brought 6 days of meds (weekly pill organizer) with me but i forgot to grab the bottle or my unopened daily inhaler#i was packing in the dark & just stuffing things in bags. but it's still so upsetting to realize i could've fucked myself over for the next#month (or two even. I honestly don't remember how many i had left)#yaay vestibular migraines for the rest of july and august 鉁ㄢ湪#:[#orion rants#I'm like 3 hours away from home because we bailed because with the power out it's too hot for our cat and all the close places with power#filled up so we're staying with my aunt in the middle of nowhere central texas#(we're technically ~45 mins from a city so not like *actually* middle of nowhere but we're past a lot of private property & steep roads 馃槄)#and i only have like 2 more changes of clothes so I'm stressed about that too on top of everything else#I'll be fine i just didn't sleep at all last night so everything seems harder to deal with than it would've otherwise#at least we have wifi (& and data working) again finally. we were in a dead zone almost all day yesterday#i'm just tired#and whining. ignore me
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im so fucking sad they've been gone for nearly a year today is the exact day I last kissed them why haven't I taken care of myself yet. I learnt my lesson, I can't be fixed, no one will fix me and all I ever do is make everything I love disappear. I was angry and I didn't say I love you back and now I'll never hear it again. I never say I love you back to my family. I shouldn't be allowed to say it to anyone else. Im sorry I never said I loved you. im sorry
#where'd all my friends go#Im so sorry#I was supposed to die in august#I've been feeling so chronically suicidal since july#what is wrong with me?#dying would fix everything yet I don't do it#even though I've had a way out on hand for months any time I want#anger is always punished#and choosing to die made my beardie disappear too#im so sorry I didn't mean to I didn't mean it I didn't mean it#im so sorry#I just want my beardie to come home I just want my friends here I just wanna feel like me again#im still so sad#the only people to actually be affected by my death is my family#all this is is another selfish act#that's why I can't do it#im afraid of their judgement#im afraid of them#tw suicide#tw sui ideation#vent#please only let me have good dreams tonight#why doesn't anyone miss me#I still miss them so much#and I feel like I'm ruining the only friend I have in my life
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