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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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Giants of Thai BL AKA The MOST ANTICIPATED THAI BL SHOWS FOR 2021

It's weird to think that the year 2020 has ended. This has been a journey in the past year, on the surface everywhere you looked it looked like there was no place to be happy and excited because of all the things that happened. It was suffocating at times, tiring at best, and it was just astonishing how many things could go wrong in only one year. That being said, one genre/demographic that grew even stronger this year, took some time to impress and improve on its tropes, its ideas and concepts and that's BL. Which also took some of us by surprise, for the ones who've been watching BL since the first oldies, to the new people who joined and also became in love with the genre and have stayed since then. BL has been an incredible, interesting journey, and I am so happy to say that it looks like 2021 isn't letting go of that energy. So to celebrate entering 2021, a year hopefully for a release from all the worries in 2020, a year to restart, refresh and keep getting better, here are the Giants of Thai Bl making their way in 2021. We have so many insane ones, from more mafia dramas to new unique non-university storylines, to og actors, and new powerful ones, to interesting pairings and new channels producing shows for 2021 to many many more countries joining the fight to be the top of our affections and energy. Thai BL is not going anywhere, and you know what that's perfectly fine with me.

GMMTV

I already did a whole squeal about the shows upcoming from GMMTV here: But after careful consideration here is my top 3 most anticipated: Enchante, Not Me, Bad Buddy. I know Enchante beat out ATOTS, but for me, I'm obsessed with the way the writer plans secrets and meta to unveil, and I keep repeating it's by Theory of Love director and production team. I'm so excited. I just hope they put in the same energy and effort they used in theory of love for this you have so many potential incredible actors that can take over this genre if you give them a good script and hard work. Hopefully, GMMTV intends to do so for not just their royal couple shows but also for rookie actors because Book and Force in this trailer? Looks fantastic.

Studio Wabi-sabi

When I hear about Studio Wabi-Sabi, you see two juxtaposed reactions from me, one you see anticipation and excitement from seeing my most loved actors off-screen; however, you also hear a groan from me. I'm sorry I didn't use to be this way, I used to be so ready to embrace every show directed and created by New Siwaj; in 2020, New was one of the directors I kept having headaches about because of all his shows in 2020? What exactly happened? Why did they flop so hard? Why was he so slow? I'm hoping that it's because he had too many projects to handle at the same time since fair enough LBC was filmed same time as GMMTV My gear and your gown and maybe that was too much to handle? But the reason why I like News choices usually are because they're emotional, impressive with their plot lines and have good character arcs and couples we end up falling in love with. He could be an iconic director because he has so much talent in his company, so I'm hoping he uses his lessons and grows and becomes better in 2021. But Let's get to the shows announced so far for 2021 because they both have the potential to take over 2021. I said what I said.

Between Us

Genre: Friends with benefits, Romance, Comedy, PTSD, Angst,

Ahh, this is incredible. I'm so happy. Win and Team are from a great tv show already with Until We Meet Again and not going to lie, but seeing Buon as Win and Prem as Team? Perfection. Like guys I actually fell so hard for this couple despite their low screen time. Buon stole the scene each time he appeared, with his little smirks, and mischief, with flirty bad-boy energy and their relationship, was precisely what I live for passionate and full of chemistry. They're great, which is why it's so exciting to see that Between Us is getting its own show, the show based on these two love story in a parallel timeline to Until we meet again. I screamed. The book sounds interesting; we're getting some conversations about PTSD, some healing relationships, and angst and more passion. I'm so excited about this since I first saw BuonPrem. I knew they were going to get known enough to bring their own show. And they deserve it, let's hope we get an interesting script that keeps us invested, enough opportunities for these two to have softer and profound moments whilst still holding on to their passion, and let the drama not be stale but addicting. Please New, don't let this show also be slow-paced, I'll lose it if another show is ruined by directing from you.

Ratings: 4/5: BuonPrem, they leap off the screen, their chemistry is that great. From hearing about the plot I'm also excited to a more in-depth look into Team's insomnia and his past and psychological scars, and I'm hoping to see a deeper reason for why these two should be together.

Love Mechanics 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends with benefits, Unrequited love,

That's the thing about Wabi-Sabi; they have amazing actors that steal our hearts away. This shows cast is no different, it's YinWar and it's a collab with Channel 3. Like What? It's everything. YinWar from Love Mechanics trended with millions of people obsessed and wanting the show to be extended and actually appropriately done. In came Channel 3 and we have this gem coming on April. No words. YinWar on screen is thrilling; War is just outstanding as Mark, his nuances, his glares, his looks of pain and longing, man I was absorbed into it. Although LM's writing is toxic and really left me feeling confused and uncomfortable with the details pushed aside, it was hard to ship VeeMark when Yin's character made terrible decisions and was awful even in the book. I'm the queen of analysing damaged flawed characters, and I don't run away from toxicity as long as there is a growth and change later on, as long as there's a good reason we needed to see that. For Vee's character, his actions were unnecessary for us to know about his character; they were just messy and upsetting. That's why I think seeing more depth for his actions and seeing Mark regress and also make mistakes like him will even out their relationship and make me feel more understanding about how these two flawed characters came to be and why they should be together. Let's hope with funds from Channel 3, more effort and energy put into the show, it'll be great because with actors like War this show can be just as big as it was when it had errors. Maybe even better.

Ratings 3.5/5 Love mechanics messy storyline makes me worried about this, but I think I might have a great time watching and analysing Mark's revenge after being heartbroken. The angst and drama of it all just sound interesting.

Channel 3

2020 brought a new surprise with Channel 3 deciding to invest in BLS. BLs have always been not on mainstream channels, so seeing Channel 3 in Thailand decide to make their own shows, a collab with other companies, and bring some directors and writers and actors known in the BL world already, shows they are serious. This may be because of the success of 2gether and other breakthroughs in 2019 taking over the scene. But I can see that Channel 3 did not come here to play, they are researching, looking for ways to make a great BL with the information provided on the past BLs and they want to make it big. And you know what with shows like GEN Y showing up last year, I want to believe that Channel 3 is a competition for GMMTV and others. They invest in funds and have longer minutes for their episodes, and they also pay attention to international fans by streaming on new places like Iquiyi and others. It's exciting. Channel 3 has already dipped their toes with Love Mechanics, and in 2021 they have even more shows to give us:

Teddy Bear Miracle

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Fantasy, Mystery, Lakorn

What a weird title for a show. What an odd premise. What a bizarre book. But you know what I'm so excited about this; this is meant to be a lakorn series that is BL. Like wow, it has a good cast, known faces in the Thai acting scene and a director/screenwriter who has won awards for his own script. That's even more exciting. But the best thing about this is that it's a fantasy and has supernatural themes, yep it's weird we're dealing with a magic system where teddy bears come to life, and other inanimate objects talk? But I'm so excited to see what this brings; we have a man transformed from a teddy bear with amnesia who's searching for his past and how he ended up as one and his owner who's not yet ready to let his comfort go. It's so interesting, with family history and drama and of course, a romance that will probably touch my heart. I'm excited for this zany, wacky and dramatic show. Normally, I shy away from the crazy because I don't like crack humour, and it just means a bunch of many irritating sound effects and editing choices. But I want to trust the whole team from Channel 3, from the behind the scenes the show looks great, the couple has chemistry, and I'm excited to delve into the mystery at play and see what this story is meant to become. So excited honestly.

Ratings: 4.1/5 The wacky magic system scares me not going to lie, but I have faith for some reason in Channel 3, so I think this might shock us all. I think we'll get good acting, and perhaps good directing too. The mystery might also make me want to analyse. We shall see.

Lovely Writer

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Acting/Writing Industry, Haters to Lovers,

Did you say Kao and Up and P'Tee the director of TharnType the series? Sign me up I'm there; I've been screaming a bit since I heard about this series. From the first time, it was announced that Channel 3 was turning the book into a show, I was like this sounds unique again? And it has an interesting plot, I guess, and it's also going to have drama. I'm hopeful then. When I heard about the whole team and watched the trailer, I got into it even more. Lovely Writer sounds right up my alley, to be honest, we have this introverted writer who is determined to write a masterpiece and stop his company from making him produce BLs for the hype only for his next project to be a BL show which leads him to his new sneaky, sly, wolf in sheep's clothing roommate. Kao played his roommate from Until we meet again who won my heart as Korn and made me cry buckets. So, of course, I'm excited, Nubsib (Kao) may have some tricks up his sleeve to get next to Gene, but I think things will be more complicated than he thought, I'm ready to explore the world of the film industry and dating scandals that Gene and Sib will fall into the more they fall for each other. The angst and drama. Can't wait. Also, TharnType is one of my favourite series, and one of the reasons is because of Tee so... That's even more reason to see Gene and Sip's love story develop. Will it be as angsty, passionate and filled with plot twists? From what I hear maybe.

Ratings: 4/5 I just think this is an excellent team for a BL backed by Channel 3 and also has an exciting plot filled with ups and downs. I'm excited to see what happens and from the behind the scenes they released in the new year I think it'll be right up my alley.

NADAO

It had to be mentioned that I'm still in shock that Nadao is investing more into BL's. I don't know why, it just feels too good to be true, after giving me show after show that's perfection and quality I'm starting to have high expectations and hope for more, despite my weary heart not wanting to trust that this is real. I'm dramatic, I know. Anyways Nadao has gifted me twice with two shows that have shocked me and made my jaw fall in awe. I'm just like wow, they really did that. Every single piece of work that comes from them is art. Every single script is exceptionally written. Every single show is acted beautifully, and every single director and producer makes me inspired by the way they create. This is when focusing on their BLs because Great Man Academy and I told sunset about you are masterpieces in their own way, they deserve to be praised and never forgotten. It's just incredible that with a company like Nadao, everything falls into place, even when we think it won't because of past experiences. Nadao has shown up and decided to create unique pieces each thoughtful. Deep and breathtaking. Why won't I be over the moon when 2021 announces that we're getting another part from them with I told sunset about you getting a sequel. You bet I haven't stopped screaming and looking at the time to hurry up, so we get to March 11. I'm serious.

ITSAY PART 2

Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama, University, Coming of age

And that's because of what ITSAY was to us in 2020. It was something that can't be explained concisely. It was everything. To hear that we're getting the second part of the story of Oh and Teh, I feel like I am already preparing my heart and mind for another invasion, last time I was a mess because of this show, I was all over the place because of this show, and I was incredibly happy for a moment because of this show. To relive that again would be everything. It's slightly worrying that Teh and Oh finally getting together and fighting through the odds to stay together will run into more obstacles. Are you kidding me? After all, we went through to see them together?? It makes me worried, I have this real distrust for sequels of BLs, and it hasn't changed despite 2020 producing some okay follow-ups. Sequels never meet the expectation set; sequels are always reduced in quality because the focus is now on popularity and fame, sequels lose their integrity of the characters we've come to know and love and sequels hurt. They make me sometimes give up on a show that is my love, and it hurts. It's a painful realisation that I can't take away or forget the sequel events, so these characters are now ruined infinitely for me—looking at Together with me next chapter. It's scary. But Nadao hasn't failed yet, I mean it when I say their scripts are like works of art, I mean it when I say you can tell they put blood, sweat and tears to create their shows, why would ITSAY part 2 be any different? These two shows I mentioned before are coming together because the director of GMA is joining the team of ITSAY to produce whilst Boss becomes the producer. As long as he's there, I'm fine, as long as we still get hard work, energy, effort and thought put into it. I'm fine. Because it translates on screen, I'll try to lower my expectations, but I can't wait to see BilkinPP as TehOh again. I can't wait to fall in love with the show all over again. Let's hope we all end up satisfied.

Ratings: 4.5/5 The being a sequel is what's deducting the 0.5. I can't come here and be a fool; I must guard my heart against disappointment somewhat, despite failing already to do so.

Other Affiliates

We have our other shows. These were a pleasant surprise. With all the growth of new BLs, it's starting to get crowded and saturated, but as much as it's hard to see which shows stand out above all the noise, some make you see it. These shows are the ones that stand out for me out of the rest in 2021. I don't know what companies they're from, all I know is the information given to me and past experiences.

KinnPorsche

Genre: Romance, Mafia, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Bodyguard trope

AHHH. Can you hear me AHH. Okay, I'll calm down. But no really, KinnPorsche is finally preparing for filming and the cast has been set and I'm screaming. KinnPorsche was the book in 2020 that was announced as the most coveted; I remember so many fandoms wanted their actors to be chosen as the main cast. The reason? Because this is meant to be the first Mafia/Crime BL. Yes, you heard us, no more universities and engineers we're doing bodyguards and spoilt gangsters. I'm... But just knowing this, you just know that the show will also have angst, angst angstttt for days, drama, and a romance that probably involves haters to lovers, passion, and character development. We're coming in with guns blazing, with many side couples that look just as good and interesting, and many actors that look perfect for their roles. I cannot wait for KinnPorsche, especially when one of my favourite actors is going to be in it as a second lead Jeff Satur! Have you seen the posters, the character introduction, who they're casting for the rest of the show? This looks amazing, it seems well put together, and the whole team looks determined and ready to give us a great show. I'm honestly so excited, but I've also heard things about the book that I will have to wait for the show to be a judge of before saying. All I can say is quality of a show also includes the themes in the script, we're trying to evolve past the toxic plots and ideas in BL, so I'm hoping if there is any we cut it real quick and change that part. It's the producers and directors' choice to keep parts in that could be edited or removed. I haven't read the book, so I'm going to be wary about it for now, but from the whole cast, teasers, and posters I really think this show could be a favourite if appropriately handled.

Ratings: 4?/5 The question mark is for the rumours I've heard about the book. I can't lie that I want this show to be great and become one of my all-time favourites but with angst and violent personalities and passion comes leeways to toxicity and more and that's just not cute or needed.

My Engineer Season 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Unrequited love, University,

Okay, this is it, folks. My Engineer came in 2020 and knocked our socks off; it's the most underrated great show in 2020 (apart from why r u) in my opinion. It was brilliantly constructed with enough screen time and plot for every couple of the show. My Engineer is a great show; it didn't make it to my favourites because I had issues with the main couple, but it was my most enjoyed when it came to the side couples. Because we had KingRam, TharaFong, and MekBoss. (Sorry to BohnDuen Fans). These were some of the most exciting, heartfelt, loving couples in 2020, KingRam was just chef kiss. And to hear that we're getting a sequel based on them? Well you know what I did, I screamed. I loved both KingRam and TharaFrong they were done so well, acted so well, and they made me laugh and laugh and then squeal and blush. They were too cute. The ending of my engineer left both these couples on a cliff hanger; we had a depressing bro zone with TharaFong as Fong came to realise his feelings, we had a wait what moment with Ram telling King he wasn't drunk when the kiss happened which is essentially a 'we need to deal with this new situation' text. And it's got me so excited to see what happens next. The first part of this was excitement. The second part is sigh, sequels. I told you didn't sequels are just urgh. I couldn't stop my excitement about KingRam, and I went to read the novel, and I usually don't mind it, but I don't think if the sequel is based on their story that I'd like them in season 2. And that's ridiculous because they're finally the main couple of season 2, and TalayPerth is impressive to see on screen. Sigh. I wasn't happy when reading the book; there are specific actions and choices made that just shifts the dynamic of the first season into the opposite. And I'm not particularly excited to relive those moments. Let's just say I still have high hopes for My engineer mostly cause I don't know what's happening to the other couples; I really hope there's a change in the script, maybe more information, more reasons for the characters to act the way they do, more depth? Because I want to like this show, I want it successful, but I'm not a clown I can't pretend it will be if it's based on the books. We'll see if I'm proved wrong. I hope I am.

Ratings: 3.5- Why did I read the book why?? I should have come into it blind I would have given it a 5/5 just for KingRam. Sigh

Love Stage

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Gender Bender, Friends to Lovers, Childhood friends,

This was a shock. Thailand has started to remake mangas from Japan, and it's all the most loved ones. In 2021 we already have Antique Bakery being remade by GMMTV (Read my GMMTV Giants of 2021) and now we have Love Stage which is also getting a Japanese Movie remake out in 2021. It's a great manga, anime and it's going to be a fun show. I enjoyed the characters, and I liked the storyline. But what I'm the most excited about when it comes to this is Kaownah and Turbo finally, after years of waiting have a new series. YES. Kaownah plays Long in TharnType our villain, and he was incredible in that. I heard he and Turbo were meant to be in the show My Umbrella, but it was cancelled and forgotten which was disappointing. These two are so cute, they're known for their fanservice and their chemistry and friendship. And I like them a lot. I can't wait to see Love Stage. I think they'll kill it. Can't wait to hear more about it let's hope this time it sticks and comes through on our screens.

Ratings: 4/5 It's a fun storyline, and it has an excellent acting couple. I'm excited.

If 2021 already sounded brilliant because of GMMTV 2021, 2021 sounds even more exciting with these new shows; there's so many coming out, so many breaking stereotypes, so many unique plotlines, and so many great actors showing up. It's going to be a great year. I'm just glad BLs are growing, things are changing slowly, things are starting to have meaning and improve, international fans are being listened to, LGBT voices is also being listened to, we are getting there, not yet there but closer, every single time someone makes a choice to create a great plot and story that is more than just two guys making out, a show filled with heart, messages and essential representation with the good actors that also want the shows to mean something or are willing to put their all in it, every time someone chooses to make a good BL, you're paving the way for change and for the meaning of BL to change as well, for it just to be seen as something more in media. And that's needed for so many people who want shows like this to be respected and created for voices that need to be heard and displayed. Let’s see more with excellent quality in 2021.

#thai bl #bl series #bl drama #gmmtv 2021 #between us #love mechanics #itsay #i told sunset about you #my engineer #lovely writer #wrpup #2021

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yourstormthlaylirahh · 2 years ago

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Watch List | September ‘22

Watch list tag game :) Tagged by @25shadesoffebruary and @dragonsareawesome123

Currently Watching (Binging)

Checkmate I love Agatha Christie and I am loving how they are adapting her stories so far! I find Poirot a bit irritating (I’m more of a Miss Marple fan) so I have been greatly loving Si Tu Yan especially in the Poirot parts - he is a huge improvement. I am not very familiar with the Republic Era of China so it is giving me lots of things to research later.

Currently Watching (Airing)

About Youth which is so good! The characters are so soft and layered and have very different conflicts, and I am loving watching them support each other

The Eclipse also phenomenal! I love how aggressively P’Golf and the scriptwriters are being with their political/social commentary, and both First and Khao are such fantastic actors. Every time Khao cries a piece of my heart dies forever

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us this is shaping up to be one of my favourites of the year, it has a very moody-queer-film vibe with highly complex characters and relationships

Takara-kun to Amagi-kun I am warming up to this one, I was pleasantly surprised with the very frank discussion of readiness for sex, sexual boundaries, and how much care Takara-kun is showing in his understanding of consent. I really value seeing these kinds of open and honest discussions becoming more commonplace in media for teenagers, it reminds me of a similar storyline that recently ran in the Heartstopper comic.

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (I know it’s technically not airing but it only ended this week so I am keeping it in this column because I haven’t completely finished the last ep) I am enjoying it a lot, they did an absolutely fantastic kiss scene which I wasn’t expecting, so that was nice. It’s retreading the same ground as Love Class, and I wish it had the same run time as that series so I could compare and contrast the 2 series better, but alas. The curse of painfully short GLs.

My Only 12% Cake is the best character of all time, he is such a kind and caring friend. I am scared the whole time watching this show because I am waiting for it to trample my heart because Wabi Sabi.

Vice Versa I am a bit behind on this and having been watching through gifs for the last couple of eps tbh. I am having trouble letting go of my expectation of a more sci-fi based show featuring lots of archery. If I can manage to do that I think there is lots to enjoy for what the show is, my expectations were just simultaneously drastically different and extremely high.

Still airing but on hold: Coffee Melody, War of Y and On Cloud 9

Not BL, but I am going to start the new Bee & Puppycat today, which I am very excited for

Rewatching:

Bad Buddy with my cousin

Looking forward to:

Never Let Me Go this is one of my most anticipated shows of the year, I love mafia settings and I am hoping for lots of angst, drama and betrayal

Wish You Luck the trailer was amazing! I am chomping at the bit for next summer, I am loving the greater variety of genres we are getting and Tonnam was fantastic in Triage

Nighttime in the Suburb I have some anxiety as always about how the asexual character will be handled, but I also tend to trust the Philippines on handling more unusual queer storylines so

The Uncanny Counter S2 give them back to me!!!!!

Home School I need it now! Very The Eclipse/The Gifted vibes. Also Chimon!!!

Art Adore En I was sold as soon as I saw a polycule in the trailer, it looks like exactly my kind of messy

GAP may this kick off a new trend where the sapphics stay winning. I also adore FreenBecky

Chains of Heart the synopsis looks great! Very pulpy and dramatic!

Moonlight Chicken P’Aof and EarthMix are some of my favourites, and I am curious where they go with a very different storyline than they have done before

Summerdaze I loved the mock trailer for this, I really hope there is news soon. I want them to open another crowfunding campaign because I missed the first le sigh

I am also impatiently waiting for an adaptation of Transplant to be announced, Sammon adaptations are always great and I just really need TanBunn back

Tagging: anyone who would like to do it, and feel free to say I tagged you so I can see your answers! :)

#bl drama #tag games

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reginaldqueribundus · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on all the MCU stuff announced last month

WandaVision: This I’m actually interested in. I’m glad we get to explore more of their relationship after it got like 5 minutes of screentime in Civil War & Infinity War. The trailer looks weird enough to be interesting and if nothing else I have a disgusting crush on Elizabeth Olsen

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: so are they actually giving us a multiverse this time? Because Spider-Man Far From Home said they would and then didn’t and I’m still mad about it

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: *rubs this show all over my face and body* yesssss… awww yesss that’s the good stuff, mmmmmm… one’s a bird and the other’s a 100-year-old former assassin, they hate each other and I LOVE IT. Gimme that good enemies-to-buddy-cops-to-lovers energy. Also looks like they’re bringing back the bad guy from Civil War, should be interesting.

Black Widow: I have waited so long for this movie. So long, and then to be cockblocked last second by the pandemic. It is almost as cruel and unforgiving as Mother Russia herself. Also it has David Harbour so I’m there.

Loki: This is another one I’m really looking forward to. Loki is alive and solving mysteries for the time police (and apparently he’s D.B. Cooper(!!)), what more could you ask for?

What If...?: this is what I’m looking forward to the MOST but they probably aren’t gonna do it justice. I’ll watch anything that gives me more Peggy Carter tho

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings: I know literally nothing about Shang-Chi or his Rings but it has Michelle Yeoh so woo count me in. Also what is it with Phase 4 and long-ass titles??

Ms. Marvel: another one I know nothing about but will probably watch anyway

Captain Marvel 2: MADGE, HAVE YOU SEEN MY MUG THAT SAYS “INCEL TEARS” ON IT? I CAN’T WATCH A CAPTAIN MARVEL MOVIE WITHOUT IT

Eternals: hahahaha this movie has like a zillion big names in it playing a zillion characters I��ve never heard of and it’s going to be really funny if it flops

Hawkeye: literally who asked for this

(I’m not saying I hate Hawkeye, he’s hilarious, but he’s best when he’s playing off the other Avengers. All Hawkeye all the time sounds hella boring)

She Hulk:

Moon Knight: I barely know who Moon Knight is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

Secret Invasion: the fact that they’re doing this as a series and bringing back Samuel L. Jackson just might make it good

Ironheart: I have no strong feelings either way but can’t wait to see the misogynist fanboys poop their diapers over it

Armor Wars: if it didn’t have Don Cheadle I would not care

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special: lol what

I Am Groot: man, Baby Yoda sure started a trend huh?

Thor Love and Thunder:

Blade: if Mahershala Ali doesn’t say “some muthafuckas always try to ice skate uphill” I’m going to fart in Kevin Feige’s mouth

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

what the fuck is this goofy shit and why does it look like the Animorphs logo. I can’t even say it out loud. What the fuck.

Black Panther II: if they don’t make his sister the new Black Panther I’m going to fart in Kevin Feige’s mouth

Fantastic 4 movie: HAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE. Those characters are the cinematic equivalent of a cursed amulet in a pawn shop at this point.

[announcement video source]

#wandavision #tfatws #doctor strange #multiverse of madness #loki series #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #a post by me™#mcu phase 4

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wehavethoughts · 4 years ago

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Jingle Jangle Review!

Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey David E. Talbert (2020) Netflix Original Movie Fantasy, Holiday, Musical, Children’s Movie

Rating: 5/5 Waves

“I think it’s time for a new story.” – Journey

This review CONTAINS spoilers for Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey

Summary: Jeronicus Jangle is a genius toymaker who has everything he’s ever wanted until betrayal and tragedy strike and rip away his magic and inspiration. Jingle Jangle follows his journey with his bright, spunky granddaughter to finding his way out of darkness and towards family, love and inspiration.

No content warnings apply for Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey

Last year was a mess and 2021 is already on thin ice, but one of the best things to happen to me this season was my girlfriend sitting me down and convincing me to watch Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey. While the trailer looked fun, especially since it was a musical Christmas story featuring a primarily black cast, I hadn’t prioritized watching it. I tend to feel that everything has already been made when it comes to Christmas movies and I don’t want or need another retelling of the same stories. If I need a bump of Christmas spirit around the holidays, I indulge in a classic and move on. Fortunately for me, she wanted to watch it and we needed a Christmas Eve movie.

I loved so much about this movie that I could write tens of thousands of words singing its praises, but I wouldn’t do that to you, so I will narrow my praises to the most important parts of this movie to me. At the top of the list is just how good this movie looks.

Jingle Jangle is one of the most visually appealing movies I’ve ever seen. From the set to the costumes to the choreography, every single shot of this movie was pleasing to the eye. The clothing was sharp and colorful in a way that I expected to get on my nerves, but it ended up stunning. Costume designer Michael Wilkinson described the fashion as “Afro Victorian”. The characters’ hairstyles are another part of the costuming that stood out. They were creative and fun while also adding dimension to the characters’ looks. And let me just take a minute to personally thank the creators of Jingle Jangle for allowing all of these black characters to have natural hair. I have never seen that in a movie and it almost made me cry. Both the clothing and the hairstyles mirrored the characters’ arcs and added depth to the narrative.

The beauty of this movie can mostly be attributed to its fabulous designers, but I also want to point out that everything looked and felt fabulously expensive. I could not find the budget of Jingle Jangle in USD, but with every set piece, CGI shot, song and outfit you could tell that someone who loved this project spent a whole lot of money on it. It is refreshing to see a story like this getting the financial backing to do it properly.

The visuals were so stunning, in fact, that even if the actual story had been terrible, I would still have been happy to just sit and watch it on mute. Fortunately, Jingle Jangle’s story was phenomenal; heartwarming and inspiring with just enough humor to keep it light without feeling overly juvenile. It also had such meaningful emotional themes that I cried at least three times (in a good way).

The emotional core of this movie is the relationship between Jeronicus and his granddaughter Journey. Jeronicus is a grumpy, disillusioned inventor who abandoned his aspirations after achieving his dreams lead to nothing but betrayal and heartache. Journey is a bright, talented child who wants to learn from her brilliant grandfather, but she realizes she has to reignite his belief in himself first. The story centers around belief in the impossible, like most Christmas stories, but instead of asking the audience to believe in something like Santa Claus, Jingle Jangle reminds the audience to believe in themselves and their own abilities. Personally, I’ve never felt more inspired than when a small child belted about how “The square root of impossible is me!” The story digs into how depression can destroy a person’s creativity and inspiration and sometimes what we need is other people believing in us so we can be reminded to believe in ourselves.

My whole deal is reviewing fantasy though, so I feel like I should mention magic. Like most things in the movie it is very pretty to look at. When Jeronicus and Journey use their magic it is glittery, dazzling and very obviously a metaphor for imagination and creativity. Personally, these characters could have probably just have been very smart, but having a visual to see them thinking in new and exciting ways was nice. Math-but-its-glowing as a magic system is not something I’ve seen much of recently, but I know just enough math words to delight in what is coming out of these character’s mouths when they talk about their inventions. This might be a difficult movie for haters of math or people who study it for a living. If hearing characters say things like, “Belief! It collapsed the wave function.” and “Take the circumference of spectacular, divided by the second derivative of sensational…” is a deal breaker for you, then maybe skip this movie.

Also, I should note that this movie is a musical. This came as a surprise to us the first time we watched it, but luckily we love musicals. The first time the music swelled and Jeronicus started singing we were swept away by the magic of the moment, delightfully surprised and in awe of the musical talent. Every single song in this movie is energetic, fun and refreshingly Black. Director David E. Talbert said that he was inspired by southern soul and gospel music as well as Afrobeat and other primarily black genres. The mix of inspiration creates joyful and fresh new songs for the holiday season.

As a whole this movie got my highest rating because the things I love about it outweigh the flaws. That being said, there are a couple pieces of the story that either didn’t make sense or it feels like they did not think all the way through. First of all, the main conflict revolves around the villain Don Juan, a toy matador who has been given sentience through Jeronicus’s miraculous inventions, not wanting to be mass produced. While the story tries to convince us that the conflict revolves around Don Juan’s narcissism, if you think about this plot point too hard you realize that our protagonist plans to mass produce and sell his creations that are clearly alive and intelligent. Obviously the movie doesn’t dig into the ethics of this, since Don Juan is more concerned about not being one-of-a-kind rather than worried that he is going to be bought and sold as a commodity, but it is a concerning angle that implies some very uncomfortable things about this universe.

Another piece that I found falls apart when you think about it too hard is the framing of the story within a story. Jingle Jangle is told a bedtime story being read by a grandmother to her grandchild (similar to the Princess Bride). The first scenes introduce us to a couple of cute kids who ask their grandmother for a Christmas story and in opening the book we get some spectacular CGI and animation to introduce us to Jeronicus’s world. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this method of storytelling, I found it to be unnecessary since the children listening to the story and the grandmother don’t add much as independent characters. Unfortunately, the story seemed to feel the need to justify these characters’ existence and so in a big reveal at the end we discover that the grandmother is Journey, Jeronicus’s granddaughter.

While seeing Journey with her grandchildren is cute, it leads to questions that I personally did not need to have at the end of this otherwise tied up narrative. For example, the children seem to have never heard of Jeronicus Jangle, Don Juan or Buddy 3000 (another important toy character), yet we are meant to believe that Jeronicus’s story happened in the universe that the children live in? Why wouldn’t they know stories about their rich and famous great-great-grandfather? Why had they never heard of Jeronicus Jangle when it is implied that the toys they have grown up with would have been his or his family’s inventions? By making the children related to the people in the story, the writers distracted me from Jeronicus and Journey whose story is much more interesting and heartwarming. Jingle Jangle is a movie that asks me to think and reflect, so I don’t feel bad poking holes in the story, but I don’t love that they left me hanging with all these questions.

Additionally, there are also some things that I wish the writers hadn’t included in the movie at all. For example, they fridged Jeronicus’s wife almost immediately which was completely unnecessary and I hated to see that in a movie that got so many other things right. Also, having the only obviously Hispanic character (Don Juan Diego) be the villain in such a cartoon-y way left a bad taste in my mouth.

But Jingle Jangle still got my highest rating because as the sum of its parts, it was a fantastic story and I am so glad I got the chance to watch it. My very favorite part of this movie that has stuck with me even weeks after my first viewing is the relationship between Jeronicus and his family. There are sections of this movie where Jeronicus falls into the stereotypical absentee black father trope, but this story allows his character space to talk about what he did wrong, how he is hurting and Jeronicus learns to do better which is so important. I love the current trend in movies where parents apologize to their children because that can be such a healing experience and Jingle Jangle gives us that, but additionally, it makes the parent work for it and prove to their child that they are healing themselves. It offers hope to children struggling through painful situations like this and give parents an example of how they might be able to fix what they broke.

Overall, Jingle Jangle left me with a feeling of joy and contentment while inspiring me to remember what I used to love and rethink my self-imposed limits. The core message of this movie is a reminder that sometimes our lack of belief in our own skills is enough to stop us from achieving our dreams. Jingle Jangle reminds us to believe in our own capacity and lift each other up even when times are difficult. I don’t know if this movie will become a classic in the general consciousness, but it will certainly become a tradition in my family.

~TideMod

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Cruella: Does Every Villain Need a Sympathetic Origin Story?

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Clearly this isn’t your parents’ Cruella De Vil. This isn’t even your Cruella De Vil. However, there is something fiendishly charming about seeing Emma Stone charge into a ballroom and light her black and white dress on fire, revealing a chic red number beneath that would do Scarlett O’Hara proud. If fashion is a statement, Cruella is here to say the villain has just arrived!

Yet one can’t help but shake the certainty that by the time we actually learn the plot of Disney’s Cruella reimagining, Cruella will be in anything but black and white, or fiery red. Rather Cruella is obviously posturing to take a sideways approach to an old classic. But then again, that increasingly feels like the only direction these Hollywood redos know: the sympathetic origin story for an iconic villain.

To be clear, we’ve only gotten a glimpse of Stone as the new Cruella, and she looks absolutely fabulous in a black leather coat and cane, purring, “I’m only getting started, darling.” There’s a wildness about this interpretation befitting our current era where Harley Quinn is the hero of her own story, and Wade Wilson now leads a Disney franchise. Nevertheless, when I watch Cruella on the edge of tears in the trailer, barking defiantly that she is CRUELLA—and seemingly embracing an unfair reputation that other characters may be placing on her—a nagging question persists in the back of my head: Do we really need a sympathetic Cruella De Vil?

The trend of supervillains getting intellectual property-expanding sob stories is nothing new, be it at Disney or anywhere else in Hollywood. Maybe 25 years ago when folks liked their villains big and outlandish—think Glenn Close in Disney’s previous live-action remake of 101 Dalmatians—it was novel to see the antagonist become a tragic protagonist. But like everything else with modern blockbusters, that all changed a long, long time ago with something called Star Wars.

Back in 1977 when the original Star Wars movie was released, many audience members left the theater giddy about the world George Lucas created. In a galaxy far, far away, every pop fantasy of the mid-20th century—Wizards! Knights! Princesses! Samurai! World War II ace pilots!—was thrown into a massive cauldron that seamlessly blended these elements.

Luke Skywalker’s galaxy felt like a real place of exotic, lived-in locales, all of which captured that dirt-under-the-fingertips, tactile quality so rarely seen in fantasy stories. Sure the characters might be archetypes, but they came with histories which gave their fantasy space battles human density. Old Ben Kenobi fought in the Clone Wars with Luke’s father Anakin, who was “a gifted pilot.” But what exactly was a clone war? And why was there more than one of them? Also, what did a Jedi’s “more civilized age” look like for Luke’s papa?

For more than 20 years, no one knew the answer to those questions, which made them all the more intriguing, and the “lore” of this fantasy evermore mythic. Then came Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, the first modern blockbuster prequel devoted to filling in the gaps left by a beloved classic’s mysteries. That movie’s problems are numerous, but at its core the most persistent, lingering issue may still be the reveal that Darth Vader was once a blonde haired little boy with the emotional range of Beaver Cleaver. Of course everyone knew in the abstract sense Vader was once a child… but did they ever really want to see it?

Additionally, did anyone really want to learn Anakin Skywalker’s reason for turning to the Dark Side is because of a bratty streak that followed him into adulthood? Probably not.

Nonetheless, all three Star Wars prequels made massive amounts of money and rather than becoming cautionary tales of what happens when you attempt to explain away all the mysteries of a beloved character, they were the first steps toward a modern staple of media regurgitation where seemingly every mug, pug, and thug would get their own sympathetic redo.

Since then, we’ve learned on screen that Spider-Man’s arch-nemesis Venom, is really a well-intentioned bloke caught in a bad romance (with his alien space buddy), Batman’s arch-nemesis the Joker is really just a Travis Bickle clone with mommy issues, and Maleficent, the reigning empress of badassery in the Disney Villain canon, was really just a woman scorned by Sleeping Beauty’s toxic father. Even Hannibal Lecter became a victim in Hannibal Rising, and the Wicked Witch of the West starred in the most popular Broadway musical of all time… where it turns out she was the hero in a conspiracy with the Scarecrow to pull one over on Dorothy.

To be clear, some of these spinoffs and reimaginings work quite well. Even if I personally am a bit chagrined at Todd Phillips’ Joker being nominated for Best Picture, Joaquin Phoenix’s sad sack killer clown created the space for a riveting performance that reminded mainstream audiences that movies can still be for adults. In another comic book movie, Magneto’s heartbreaking backstory in the Holocaust was expanded in 2011’s X-Men: First Class, which made an already relatively complex supervillain just that much more compelling in Michael Fassbender’s hands.

Overall, however, this approach has left something to be desired. And to get back to Cruella, her remix as a misunderstood tragic heroine appears to owe most of all to Maleficent. In 2014, Disney made a killing when they cast movie star Angelina Jolie as their very best big bad, a character so evil in 1959’s Sleeping Beauty that she was willing to knockoff a princess simply because no one sent her a party invite. That’s cold. And it’s wickedly entertaining. Hence why Maleficent scared and captivated generations of children.

Some characters are just too good at being bad.

The marketing of Maleficent leaned into this with a melancholic cover of Sleeping Beauty’s Tchaikovsky-inspired theme song, “Once Upon a Dream.” Now in a minor key, the new version sung by Lana Del Rey promised a scarier, more menacing version of the story, which was then confirmed by Jolie’s wonderfully devilish laugh. The big bad was finally going to have her day at the ball.

But when the movie actually came out, we learned that Maleficent was an enchanted fairy who’d been wronged. In the end, she didn’t hate Elle Fanning’s Princess Aurora. In fact, she loved the little royal and tried to save her from the curse she herself cast in a fit of justified anger. Ultimately, the sorceress adopts Aurora as the daughter she never had after disposing of her now abusive father. That’s certainly an interpretation. I guess.

It also proved massively successful in the short term, opening at a staggering $175.5 million in its opening weekend worldwide, and grossing $758 million total. Those numbers also exclude merchandising and home video revenues. If you want to know why we’re getting the punk rock Cruella, look no further.

However, did a lot of folks really like Maleficent? It made all the money in the world based on that devious marketing campaign that promised a shocking tell-all about Disney’s closest approximation to Lucifer, but by the time a sequel limped into theater five years later, relatively few seemed to still care about the misunderstood, freedom fighting warrior fairy Jolie played. Maleficent: Mistress of Evil ostensibly continued the good fight but flopped at the box office with a cume of $491.7 million, barely more than half of what its predecessor made. (Don’t cry for Disney though, as Avengers: Endgame, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, and remakes of Aladdin and The Lion King in the same year made Maleficent 2 look like a clerical error.)

What this whole sputtering franchise reminds us though is that some characters are better left bad, and the mystique of the unknown is an end unto itself. While I enjoyed Phoenix’s take on the Joker, there is little argument the character was even scarier with a PG-13 rating when he manifested out of thin air, like Beelzebub, in The Dark Knight. Or to take a step away from just villains, was Han Solo really any cooler when you learned how he got his name in Solo: A Star Wars Story? Or could you have gone your whole life without knowing thanks to The Hobbit movies that Gandalf and Galadriel were kind of, sort of, just maybe friends with benefits?

The allure of Cruella De Vil is right there in her name: She’s a cruel devil. How could she not be when her entire ambition in Disney’s classic 101 Dalmatians is to skin puppies for their fur coats? Finding out she used to fight the power before hoarding it may make a lot of money, but it doesn’t make her necessarily more compelling.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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klarolinedrabbles · 5 years ago

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What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way.

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter.

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing.

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it.

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why.

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane.

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear.

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab.

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it.

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat.

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao.

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid.

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend.

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes.

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

#Stephanie talks fandom #klaroline #Anonymous

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hotdadlicense · 6 years ago

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ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey

#probably missing a lot and theres a lot of sources missing cos....... i dont have a bfu blog so none of my shits correctly tagged #like nivks is ORGANISED cos its dedicated but...... i only have one bfy tag oops #but HOPE U LIKE IT AND ITS LIKE a little bit informative #buzzfeed unsolved #bfu

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 2 years ago

Text

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 01x06

Skin

🎶Daddy’s gone🎶

“OH YEAH”

“I wonder where the trend where putting music over cops breaking in - that’s happened in so many movies dude. I know they do a good job of mimicking different styles so I’m not blaming them or anything for something cool”

“Oh it’s them. I forgot”

“MURICA”

“It’s a three-way stop. Heeheeheheheheeheh”

Stopped to read the email

“That’s lame - my BIG brother”

Laughed at Sam and Dean interacting at the gas station

“Typically shitty segue. You gotta stop hanging out with college buddies. Oh something is wrong. Now we gotta save them”

“Sam whispered that all weird”

Laughed at Dean’s “stupid ass fkn smile”

“Does Jensen act like Dean? Did he play up a lot of stuff?”

“What do they call this one? A shifter?”

Telling Spouse that this episode is good for his deangirl degree

“Doesn’t she look up that they’re not cops or something and get all freaked out? Then he has to tell her what they do?”

“What do they look into that is less? That would be interesting to know. Could you make a whole other show called the Slightly Less Supernatural?”

Me arguing about how Sam should have known better about disturbing a crime scene vs knowing what he can get around in terms of the law

“FUCK THAT DOG”

“Evil black dog” then laughed

“Pin up girl”

“Check out this photo we shot right before the episode.”

“I wanna know how that guy is going to make it up to her”

Laughed at Dean telling time

“Did they actually have to explain 24hr time to people?”

“OH MY GOD SAM. BITCH make me a sandwich”

🎶cuz I was dead and I found out about your cheating’ ass🎶

“Wait what. Is that the same lady?”

“I can’t tell. The ladies look the same to me.”

“KAZ”

Laughing at how Sam describes going in but not coming out

“Every now and then, they have this bouncy knee walk from the 2000s with the shoulder shuffle thing. Like that smooth lean”

“Was Dean flirting with a cop or something? Maybe he has something for dudes in uniform.”

“This is the apartment for the girl in the wall one.” I mean there are so many places in Vancouver

“Leave it to Dean to find himself a juicy pile of meat”

“Tit squish”

“That walk” then laughed “That’s not the walk but…”

“Safety..always off. Pretty certain that’s from the first episode from Trailer Park Boys, too, so someone could just watch the first episode without having to watch or like the show”

“That’s deafening especially in there. All those reflections. Oh my god dude”

“Just climb out of the sewer with a gun in our hands. Not like there’s people nearby or anything” “Other side of what? There’s like 10 things to be the other side of”

“Nice”

“If you make friends with a couple shifters, do you get to do Dean twice? Is there a fanfic of that with Cas somewhere? Fanfic idea?”

“Love the drumroll for the cross.”

🎶gonna pick a weapon🎶

“Sam for the L again” then laughed

“Oh I see why it’s dean-studies since the shifter can go into Dean’s head”

“I don’t find some of that resentment all that believable. Maybe. Idk. I feel that if your brother was that much of a dick, why would you want him around? Is it that much better than being alone?”

Laughed at dean saying the shifter would pick the handsome brother

“What’s funnier yet is that if this was flipped that the brothers would die, but the shifter can’t perfectly replicate his personality”

“Like Napster Dean. You wouldn’t know with all those cassette tapes in your glovebox though”

“Since when do we call the cops?”

Dean just wants to be loved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🎶a man’s gotta eatttttttt…..cock🎶

“This is the reasonably good episode, because I get caught up in what actually is happening”

“TAKE IT OFF”

“NIPPLES!!!”

“What is he turning into? I don’t remember. Wasn’t he supposed to try to seduce someone else?”

“Looking for a white male? He wasn’t black so he wasn’t shot on sight”

“Dean really doesn’t take anything seriously. Actual bad shit is happening but he’s worried about his car. While actual bad shit is happening, he’s still joking and laughing which shows how much he does this kind of shit. It’s funny”

“Oh yeah it’s going to try to seduce Sam or beat him up or whatever.”

“Who is gonna get the L in this episode?”

“That’s not a scene you want to record twice”

“That’s definitely a Sam L and a Dean W since Dean pointed the gun at the guy.”

“Add another one to the tally of explaining monsters”

“They still don’t explain how the one dude is getting out of the jail. It doesn’t make the court case go away even though they killed the monster.”

“I guess that works.” “They didn’t have enough for cows. The real Wisconsin kind”

“That’s one way to brush off what just happened”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural #supernatural rewatch #supernatural s1

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fuckyeahjamieandclaire · 7 years ago

Link

By Meghan O'Keefe @megsokay

We all know that Sam Heughan is a total heartthrob. For three seasons, he’s played the dashing and romantic Scotsman Jamie Fraser on Starz’s Outlander. On that show, we’ve seem him rock everything from a kilt to a depression beard, but now he’s getting us all hot and bothered in a brand new way.

Fans got a sneak peek at Heughan in his first big mainstream movie, The Spy Who Dumped Me, yesterday and let’s just say the Scottish star has undergone something of a transformation. A very, very dashing transformation.

The Spy Who Dumped Me is a comedy starring Mila Kunis as a woman who discovers her ex-boyfriend (played by Justin Theroux) was a CIA agent. Based on the trailer, it looks like Heughan’s special agent character, Sebastian, is the guy who gives her the bad news. Along for the ride is Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon who plays Kunis’s best friend.

We understand that The Spy Who Dumped Me is framed as an empowering female buddy comedy, but all we can think about is how dreamy Sam Heughan is looking as a contemporary (American???) spy. With his slicked back blonde curls, dapper suits, and on trend sports wear, Heughan is looking nothing like his highland hottie character on Outlander, but damn if he’s not still looking good.

The Spy Who Dumped Me will be in theaters on July 6, but you can get your Heughan fix by binge-watching Outlander right now.

#sam heughan #the spy who dumped me #spywhodumpedme #outlander #outlander starz #jamie fraser #tv news #people: sam heughan

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horselover107 · 2 years ago

Text

Big Finish recs:

For Ianto pretty much everything is good is good, although I’ve heard mixed opinions on Ex Machina (I liked it, I think some people had different expectations for it based on the trailer) and Office That Never Was (there’s mixed opinions on a choice he makes towards the end to keep it spoiler free as possible).

He’s only in about a third of Expectant which is…Expectant. It’s one of those audios that I enjoy, but not for the reasons I’m supposed to, and is kind of objectively bad. Believe has a decent storyline for Ianto (in fact his is probably the strongest), but Tosh and Owen’s storyline is very…uncomfortable (out of character for s2 Owen) to say the least, and turned a lot of people off of it. It’s great to hear all 5 of them together, although just be warned the Tosh and Owen storyline is not great.

Stand out Ianto content:

Dinner and a Show. Probably one of my favorite audios. It was written by GDL and has a lot of really fun character work with Ianto and Tosh.

Last Beacon: Honestly same as above. Written by GDL. Lots of really fun character work with Owen and Ianto. Dinner and a Show is a semi-sequel to this one.

Serenity: This is peak Janto content. If you want cute Janto this is it.

Broken: Peak Janto content but in the other direction. How did they go from “I hate you” to “lots of things you can do with a stop watch?”. This attempts to fill in the gaps. Trigger warning for attempted suicide, alcoholism, and overall dark themes.

Fall to Earth: One of the first Ianto audios, and still one of the best. The beginning of a trend we see in the audios where Ianto makes friends with random retail/custom service workers. Love that for him.

Coffee: This a really well put together, ambitious audio that’s basically the equivalent of an outsider POV fic. Torchwood through the eyes of Ianto’s friends (maybe friends) at the local coffee shop on the plass. Lots of really good character work for Ianto. Starts pre-series and goes all the way through coe.

The Great Sontaran War: Ianto befriends a Sontaran who he teaches about life on earth. The Sontaran gets a cat. Peak big finish right here.

Rhys and Ianto’s Excellent BBQ: I love this audio. Really love this audio. It takes what should be a silly premise and uses it to tell a very serious story, touching on serious topics, and deconstructing toxic masculinity. While still having lots of good humor moments. The friendship audio I didn’t know I needed

The Gray Mare: it’s got a lot of spooky mystical vibes to it that I enjoy. I’d rec this one if you’re into kind of a ghost story/haunting, type vibe.

Outbreak: okay this one is not cheap because it’s from the specials range. But it’s really good!!! Great Janto content. Great moments of Gwen being a badass. Great plot. Can act as an introduction to Norton who’s kind of the BF Torchwood reoccurring OC

Other (Non-Ianto) stand outs:

Three Monkeys: this one is third in a series of Buddy cop adventures with Owen and Andy that I absolutely adore. The first in the series is Corpse Day but that one is super dark (makes Countrycide look tame by comparison) and I’m hesitant to rec it without specific trigger warning. The second is The Hope which is also super dark. Three Monkeys kind of continues the trend by being creepy and of the horror family, but more in a dark action thriller kind of way. Lots of great character work and chaotic bi Owen moments. It does assume you’re familiar with the dynamic if you skip right to this one (The dynamic being Andy helps Owen on cases, Owen buys Andy over seasoned junk food to “live” vicariously through him because his dead self can’t eat and he just wants to remember taste). But the character work is just so good here. I love these two together

More Than This: A Gwen audio that’s kind of a day in the life post-miracle day, as she tries to make a case for the importance of Torchwood to a public administrator that wants to plow over the remains of the hub for a car park. I’m not sure this one is for everyone because it’s a slower story with a lot of narration, but as a Gwen Enjoyer I really like this one. Also reoccurring Andy appearances.

We Always Get Out Alive: a really well plotted Gwen and Rhys case fic with creepy vibes.

Iceburg: a really solid Owen out-ing which calls back to his backstory with his fiancé. An old med school friend calls him in the middle of the night for help. And what follows is a really intriguing medical mystery with a very Torchwood/alien twist.

Dissected: Ok full disclosure I thought Gwen and Martha’s dynamic was a little off here from what it was in the bbc audios, but that said: Martha. I’m rec-Ing this for Martha content (and also Gwen with Martha content).

Ghost Mission: Andy just works really well with Buddy Cop type dynamics. This one is our first official introduction to Norton, a camp, morally ambiguous (asshole) Torchwood agent from the ‘50s. Who sometimes uses hologram tech to appear as a “ghost” in the present. Just kind of a fun romp. Also works in The Committee which is a reoccurring BF Torchwood bad guy cabal retconned into being behind a lot of the stuff that happens in the series (they were responsible for the families from miracle day). Honestly unless you’re interested in getting Gods Among Us they’re not that important, although they do come up in the early monthly stories and in the torchwood archive

Cascade: a lot of Tosh’s audios don’t do it for me (too down beat, put her down too much) but this one is really clever. It makes use of audio samplings to tell the story in a unique way.

Drive: another fun Tosh outting. Tosh makes friends with a taxi driver and they speed across Cardiff on the case together.

I’d also recommend checking out this website

https://torchwood-eu.xyz

It has user submitted reviews/ratings and content warnings for all of them

Where to start Torchwood Big Finish

I'm actually trying to buy some episodes now, but I don't know what's the best way to go around doing this.

The stories are pretty expensive, so I was thinking of asking for a set as my birthday present, but idk if it's worth it, and if it is, what to get.

I think it's better to get things in bundles... but then you just get a bunch of episodes/stories based on when they were released, and maybe you don't get like, the best ones?

I listened to a companion one today that I heard was good but I was like eh it's okay but not that much like the show and the story was a bit of a letdown, felt more like a something I'd see in a fanfic low key

I'm also mostly wanting TWBF cus I'm Ianto jones content deprived (though i love everyone else too mind you)

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thelordice · 4 years ago

Text

Hi, I’m Going Mad

I have to talk about this.

This is going to be long. I’m going to ramble. Rant. Possibly even have a miniature breakdown before your very eyes as I set to words the thoughts that have hounded me for the last hour or more. Naturally, if you’re prone to being triggered by major depression, self-harm, cancer, and the like, you may want to steer clear.

Because this is me.

I desperately want to try to make someone understand who... understand what I am. It’s a long-accepted fact that I’m not human - we’ll get into the logic of that later. But I need to know what I am... to figure out what I’m missing.

My young life... I mean, it wasn’t great, but it could’ve been worse. I never got kidnapped or molested, only broke one bone - a leg over summer break being a stupid kid. But it was lonely. I was raised in a trailer park full of older folk. Occasionally they’d have grandchildren my age over and I’d be able to socialize. But that wasn’t often, and I wasn’t well liked in school. Not that it mattered, because friendships outside school were impossible - both my parents worked and alternated watching me, so I could never go anywhere. My dad was 43 when I was born, and my ‘Mom’ was an Italian alcoholic that got custody of me through a screwy situation the likes of which you’d only ever hear in Florida - she had no biological relation to me. She was my godmother by sole virtue of being my alcoholic mother’s favorite drinking buddy. I had a friend... then he moved away. And then a year later he died from an infected cut at the ripe old age of 8.

But for the most part... I had my Bionicles, I had my imagination, I had basic cable. It was okay. Mom busted her ass to keep food on the table. Never really realized how until she finally called it quits at 61. She had been getting sick for a while, but always put me first. Always refused to go to the doctor. And then she went. By then it was far too late. Stage 4 lung cancer, it had already metastasized to her brain. The X-Ray of her lungs looked like Swiss cheese. Sure, she smoked a pack a day for almost 50 years, this was bound to happen. But that didn’t make it any easier as I watched a combination of radiation therapy and chemo literally melt the woman that raised me before my very eyes. She died a month to the day after the diagnosis. When she went to the hospital, she was... not great, but she could walk. She could keep her chin up. When she died... she was hairless, so frail, and so pale... hadn’t risen from a bed in two weeks, hadn’t spoken intelligibly in a week and a half... dad pulled me out of school early one day to go see her. I guess he must’ve known. Maybe the VNA called him. I don’t know. But it was Friday, April 25, 2008. I was 14, in eighth grade. We went in, sat with her for a while. She woke up a few times, looked around... and she tried to speak. “I am not,” she said. Trying to say “I am not home.” Because she wanted to die at home. But we couldn’t take care of her, with everything going wrong. So she didn’t even have that in the end. We stayed a while longer, then my dad asked if I was ready to go, and I said yeah. We drove to the place a friend of Mom’s lived, dad told me we were staying the weekend. Unusual, we never did this. And when we got in the house...

The VNA had called her not long after we left. Fifteen minutes... she died fifteen minutes after we left. And it still hurts - the thought that I should have somehow known to stay longer, to at least not let her die alone, far from home...

Thank God I’m typing this.

Not long after that, the trailer park went under because the landlord was a cheap bastard, and we moved to the other side of town. I started high school... trends held. I had a few acquaintances, maybe even something approximating a friend or two. But I was bullied a lot, not well liked, you know how it goes. Of course, it usually doesn’t go to the point that you have a kid a grade higher than you tell you right before graduation that the only reason he started pretending to be my friend was because he thought I’d go Columbine and didn’t want to die. Senior year, I ponied up the pretty penny for a yearbook, and when it came in I set myself a task. I’d get the same few jibes yelled at me every day, from every direction, almost any time I was in the halls. So I put names to the faces, listed them all, just out of curiosity, to see how many. There were 126 that did it at least once a week - of all grades. My school had a population that year of 1,996. That’s 6.3% of the entire school population. Most kids with bully problems just have a few really nasty ones. I had dozens.

So I learned to push other people away. Because I knew I was a target, and I knew why. Because I always believed them when they said they wanted to be my friend, right up until the punchline came in. I was too gullible, too trusting. I cut myself off from everyone, walled myself off from emotion and human interaction as much as I could. I retained a circle of people I thought were friends - each wound up betraying me in the end, of course. But as I’d been building up all those nice safe walls... I had failed to know myself or my enemy, and I have lost the battle now.

Because I am an inherently loving person. I grow fond very quickly. I trust very easily. I care very deeply. And only very recently have I even started to form bonds that aren’t merely based on my being useful, or momentarily amusing. I hope.

But I’m so god damned scared. I know I’m not human. Humans are a communal species, if I were a member of them it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to find a genuine friend... much less have been so thoroughly rejected in the one way that most hurts. Because I’m a very affectionate person. I want to love... and be loved.

I know, it sounds absurd. Stupid, silly, childish. But I’ve seen it - two of my current adoptive family have it (my brother who literally saved my life - mote on that later- and his wife), and I helped two of my friends in college meet each other - far as I’m aware they’re still together some seven years on. And... it’s what I want. It’s what I need. It’s what makes me ache when I see it, what makes me cry when I imagine myself having it because it seems so impossible. I can’t even get a human to like me, and now I expect to be genuinely loved? What fucking hubris...

But, I was naive, and gullible. I found someone I thought cared. That I thought did love me. And that led to the Four Years War. My first relationship... nearly ended with my death. My now-brother literally saved me from a death as a homeless penniless bum 700 miles from everything I’ve ever known. And now, because of that, because of the gaslighting I went through... my ex always used to throw up that I don’t know what love is. I’ve never had a real relationship, I don’t know what it’s like. What it feels like. And I thought I did. Now I’m so fucking scared that she was right. I’ve barely ever even had friends, how the fuck do I know what love feels like? And now, how can I trust what I thought was love? I’m so terrified to try and get the thing I need most because it could turn out just as bad or worse. And what if I’m just too damaged by all this shit to be loved now? What if I’m too crazy, too mentally broken for anyone to ever tolerate me? What if everything I feel is a lie? God damn it I’m praying for true love while questioning the very reality of my existence. I’m just so scared. I just want one person. I’ve been so scared to say that out loud for a long time because I don’t want bullshit pity dates that wind up hurting both parties. But there it is: I want to love. I want to be loved.

But I don’t know if that’s possible. If it will ever be possible. If I’m too far gone... or was never even close to start.

#depression #depression posting

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