#NOOO THE SHARKIES

[tinyperson00]

Aw :,<

thats terrible.. people should treat sharks better they are such amazing animals and can do amazing things

[sharky857]

*shoves two starved "chimkens" under a pile of hay*

*sets on fire some poor pomegranate tree that couldn't fully grow due to "horribly miscalculated how much space it needs" reasons*

*lives off of mostly foraged/fished stuff than cultivated/raised*

Hmmmm, yeah. You may say I'm totally a pro by now.

[unleashedcryptidbutch]

You ever seen Pan's Labyrinth?

Like that really fucked up kids movie that literally everyone watched as a kid and it scared the shit out of you?

Yeah, so both my mum and I have seen the movie, way back when I was a kid. And I just learned my character impression are not solely voice based.

You remember the creepy eldritch being looking thing with the grey skin and the eyes on the palms of it's hands? And it would raise it's hand up to it's eyes with the palms facing the little girl at the table? Aight so I learned I'm very good at mimicking character movements bc I did that.

And then my mother started screaming.

No make up or voicing.

All I was doing was doing the creepy body movements and holding the backs of my hands to my eyes.

I am now not allowed to do it to her anymore.

(I am, however, encouraged to do it to everyone else we know. Especially with the fx makeup.)

[vctrvn-ls]

Heeyy idk if u write ff right now but if u do can u please do a niko o/s where him nd the reader are together nd they are filming woth the beta squad nd he keeps violating her as joke etc.(im literally head over heels for that man)

same bb Niko has my heart <3

Walmart Duster |Niko|

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Yes? Hello." You held your phone up to your head with your shoulder as you rummaged through your bag "Yes I got my costume. Yes give me five minutes I'm almost there. Bye." You put your phone down and continued searching for your lipgloss that had fallen to the bottom of your bag.

Suddenly your phone began buzzing again.

"Shit," you picked it up "Oh excuse me sir take a right there, it's quicker." You pointed to the driver. "Hello?" You answered "Yes I'm coming. Chunkz just called...I'm the Grinch, why?"

"We're almost here, miss."

"Yes perfect- No one told me who to dress up as...You know what we'll talk inside. I'm here." You turned off your phone and tossed it into your bag.

"Thank you, please pick me up at 8pm." You got out of the car and took your hanger with your costume out of the trunk.

As you turned to the familiar Beta Squad house you instantly recognized Chunkz and AJ at the front door waving.

You chuckle to yourself and made your way over to the two of them.

"Finally, she makes it." Chunkz sarcastically claps his hands glancing at AJ who's just genuinely happy you're here.

"Lemme help with that." AJ took the costume cover and went inside while you hugged Chunkz hello.

"Good ride?"

"Yeah, nothing special." You shrugged as he held the door open for you to enter.

You were met with a series of cheers from the Beta couch.

"Hey guys!" You laugh in excitement and wave to everyone, a little overwhelmed by all the emotions. Kenny and Sharky get up to come greet you, which rose the question: Where was Niko?

"Hey!" Everyone in the hallway heard an annoyed yell from somewhere inside the house.

Well, speak of the devil.

You heard a series of footsteps and as they turned the corner, a tall green thing stood before you.

Honestly you only recognized that it was Niko because of his height. Instantly you burst out laughing, not being able to contain yourself, stomach already in pain.

Everyone else joined you.

"What was that?" Niko pointed behind him from the direction he came from.

Everyone exchanged confused, but on the verge of laughing, glances. In the moment AJ walked in from Niko's side, and you understood what he was implying at.

"What is your costume?" He pointed at you with his abnormally long and funny finger.

You tried to contain yourself from just laughing in response to his question, given his green state, but you managed to squeeze out "The Grinch?"

"Nooo!" He dramatically threw his arms up and turned on the spot like the drama queen he was. "I'm The Grinch."

"Same."

"No. There can only be one grinch. You aren't even the grinch, i-it was just a green fuzzy dress or whatever."

You couldn't tell if he was joking or being for real, because that's how it was with Niko most of the time, so you just went along "Even with just a fuzzy dress I'll be The Grinch. You're just a Grinch." Now that wasn't true at all, Niko was definitely THE Grinch with his totally over the top green face and big bushy eyebrows, but you said it so confidently that it almost sounded convincing.

Before Niko could reply or come up with a witty comeback like 'your mama so fat' Chunkz interrupted "Right everyone," he clapped his hands "Twenty minutes to get ready and then we'll film the intro."

Niko scoffed and stomped away, extra dramatically, while everyone else went to change into their costumes.

You slipped into your fuzzy green dress, pulled on some red elbow gloves and a Santa hat.

It wasn't really Christmas yet, not even close, it was in two weeks, but you knew the boys always filmed guest videos in advance just because it was more practical.

The forfeit for this video was a plate of the most disgusting food combinations ever, each numbered from 1-10. You had to pull out a number and whatever it matched up with went in your mouth.

After everyone separately filmed their part for the intro, you all gathered in the Mafia room and that's exactly when you got to see Niko in his full costume.

You honestly didn't know wether to laugh or be impressed.

"You look like a duster." He mumbled meanly as he felt you eyeing him up and down.

"I think we should sit the two Grinches next to each other." Sharky stated.

"Nothing would more disgraceful than sitting next to a green duster from Walmart." The cameras were already rolling so it was hard to tell what was being said for real and what was being said for content, you just genuinely laughed at his joke and purposefully sat down next to him.

He side-eyed you as you beamed at him, annoying him even more.

"Niko really thought he was being original by dressing up as the Grinch." Chunkz said to the camera as he pointed at Niko with his thumb.

"Yes!" Niko squeaked in a high pitched voice "Everyone drop what you're doing and comment right now that she looks like a Walmart duster!"

You dropped your mouth open in offense as you tried to suppress a laugh.

"Yeah, to be fair you kinda do." Chunkz says adding his little giggle at the end making everything ten times as funny and sending laughs through the room.

"The disrespect," you tried to speak through your own chuckles.

"Anyway!" He cut off the laughter just as easily as he had started it "Let's pick the caaaards."

Everyone took a card and secretively looked.

MAFIA

You suppressed a small grin and put your card under the couch.

This was gonna be good.

"Everyone!" Chunkz shouted "Close. Your. Eyes."

The tension rose in the room.

"Mafia!" He announces dramatically "Open. Your. Eyes."

You slowly opened your eyes, and without moving your head looked around. Not Sharky, not AJ beside him. Chunkz or Kenny? You glance to your left, no. Both of their eyes were closed...Which left...Niko.

You slowly looked up seeing his eyes open and stuck onto you. You bit your lip trying not to break into laughter from how hilarious he looked with all the makeup and extra long brows, you sent him a little wave, careful not to make too much noise, he moved his mouth but you didn't get any of the words he was trying to pronounce. You rose a brow and shook your head, telling him that you didn't understand.

He turned to the camera and rolled his eyes, as if saying "she's so dumb" to which you responded with a middle finger to his face.

"Mafia! Close. Your. Eyes...Everyone wake up!"

Everyone's eyes shot open and the accusations began to flood in.

"Why are you smiling Kenny?"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Yep it's Chunkz I heard his snowman suit rustling."

"I think it's Niko." AJ says slyly.

You nod "Definitely. I heard his eyes open."

Everyone laughs at your comment.

"I think we need to eliminate her." Niko places a finger on your shoulder "She has committed a crime. The crime of dressing up as a green duster from Walmart."

Of course everyone starts laughing, including you, but for real this was starting to piss you off. After all you wanted to win this, preferably also getting your revenge at Niko.

First round AJ was voted out. Why? No one knows, maybe it was because he didn't take anything seriously and as per usual he barely had any of his gross food for forfeit.

"That's gonna be you next." You heard Niko's low voice in your ear as he pointed with his hairy Grinch finger to coughing and struggling AJ. You furrowed your eyebrows and turned around almost head butting him, catching him off guard at how close your face was to his.

"You're going down, Omilana." You said narrowing your eyes, sending vibes of those bullies in cartoon shows.

As the second round started, suspicions were being aimed at Niko because he was being very talkative, but you decided not to go at him straight away.

"Guys, guys. You can't vote me out and leave her here. It would disgrace the Grinch race!" He said into the camera raising his hairy eyebrows. And there he was defending himself with the duster jokes again.

"You even thinking you could pull that off is a disgrace."

"Sorry I don't speak duster." Niko turned to you.

"Why'd you need to fake big hairy eyebrows when you could've just painted over your own big hairy eyebrows?"

"Wooaahhh!" The room filled with laughs, impressed calls and wheezes as everyone watched you and Niko scrap about nothing.

"Aye you guys might as well lips now." Chunkz slipped in those words that changed which whole atmosphere. You and Niko stared at him in shock while everyone else burst into laughter. A small smile edged on your lips as you slowly looked over at Niko. His expression was priceless. Mouth open, eyebrows up and eyes as big as saucers. You giggled nudging him in the ribs.

"Don't talk to me, duster." Niko crossed his arms over his fake big belly and tried to move away from you.

"Even though you're taller than me, I feel like I'm looking down at you."

"VIO! VIO!" Sharky pointed at Niko, who's mouth was open again.

"Woooow," Chunkz's eyes were huge as he looked at you "Did you get that?" He turned to the camera and held his finger up "Gyal said even though I'm shorter than you, I feel like im looking down at you."

No one expected that, and you were genuinely proud of yourself. You shot Niko sneaky look and nudged him in the ribs again.

"Ow!" He yelled bending down this time reacting.

So far the game was looking good for you. Sharky had his suspicions on Chunkz and Niko.  Kenny had his suspicions on Niko and you, but that didn't matter because Chunkz had his suspicions on Niko and Sharky.

Honestly you could've probably won next round if you had sided with Niko somehow, maybe if you thought a little about how to point fingers at Kenny because of how bad he was at Mafia. But no. Your plan was to win and alongside that see Niko coughing up some cow tongue or pickled eggs.

"Everyone tell me what is your card right now." You proclaimed enthusiastically, previously mentioning that you had a special trick.

"8 of hearts." Sharky replied without even thinking.

"6 of clubs?" Kenny asked more than said.

"9 of diamonds." Chunkz answered and looked at Niko who was supposed to respond next.

"7 of spades." Niko made up his card "Wait are we even allowed to do that?"

And this is where your plan stepped in.

"7 of spades?" You ask him, doing your best to act surprised, Sharky and Chunkz observed your reaction, taking it in as a genuine one.

"Yes." Niko laughed in slight confusion, sure that you'd back him as his partner in crime.

"Why what's yours?" Sharky quizzed leaning in.

"I have seven of spades." Your tone was low, like in those movies when the detective finally figures out who the murderer was.

Being totally clueless everyone breaks into gasps, naively believing you.

"Wait wait wait," Niko continued laughing nervously "She could be lying." But coming from his mouth it sounded not so convincing.

"I know it's you." You pointed at his chest, riling him up for real as he let out an offended scoff "This just proves it."

"I mean she could be lying. They were messing since the beginning of the game." Sharky pointed out.

"Was it messing or flirting?" Chunkz joked and you raised your eyebrows. You were about to end those jokes.

"If I was Mafia I would've sided with him."

"Would you now?" Niko said chuckling dryly at the irony, but no one payed attention to him.

"Mafias aren't allowed to go against each other right?"

"Wooaahh, did everyone get that?" Chunkz pointed at you. You cringed inside realizing that the phrasing was poor and now the situation looked bad for you.

"What? I'm just asking." You said innocently.

"You realize that if it's not Niko we're all gonna think it's you?" Sharky said.

"It's not me though. Listen guys I just wanna win this."

"Yeah win as the Mafia by getting an innocent civilian out!" Niko threw his arms up.

"I'm willing to bet that it's definitely Niko." Kenny said which was the starting point of voting.

"Same."

"No no no guys," Niko leaned onto the back of the couch in defeat. He saw your eyes sparkle with passion for the game and obvious revenge.

After the voting Niko was obviously out and the five of you headed to the table of gross food.

While you walked there you had managed to poke Niko three times without anyone noticing which absolutely sent him. He was so pissed he thought he was going to burst.

You secretly winked at the camera before turning to the table where Niko sat, nervously eyeing the laid out disgusting food, if you could even call it that.

"You guys are making a big mistake, it's her! It's the duster!" But it was too late for jokes now, he was already sat at the table, ready to pick out a number.

"Shush you." You held out the hat with the numbered pieces of paper. "The best Grinch wins." You grin from ear to ear as he picks up a folded piece of paper, glaring up at you.

"5." Niko reads and everyone starts searching for dish number 5 on the table.

"That's brains." AJ says.

"You shush you're already out you pussy." Niko points at AJ who was peaking from the other side of the table.

"Shit it is brains." You look at the plate that looked vile. A grey splat of goo with little wavy lines on it. As Niko takes the plate and puts it in front of him everyone "ew's".

"Maybe it's not so bad." He takes the knife and fork.

"No that is bad." Kenny laughs from behind him. Niko cautiously begins cutting a piece of the brain and as he slices, a splash of liquid shoots outs to the side, making you gag and cough.

"That is disgu-" you gag again covering your mouth.

"Now now don't do that!" Niko yells out without taking his eyes off the brain. "If someone throws up I'm throwing up right after them."

"Yeah, if you guys didn't know that's actually for real. Like Niko can eat the most disgusting foods but if someone gags he's done." Chunkz says to the camera and then proceeds to titter making everyone else laugh.

"Alright it's time for you to eat that Mister Nikolas Omilana." Chunkz announced.

"Wait let me ju-"

"Nah nah stop the waffling." AJ laughs.

"Shut up you rat. You're out."

"Eat it Niko!" You shouted standing a meter away from the table so you didn't have to see the brains that clearly.

Hesitantly, Niko lifted up the fork that had a grey slimy piece on it. Everyone paused as he took a bite. He chewed three times before almost spitting it out.

The room filled with laughs and "ooh's" as Niko really struggled to chew. Despite being seconds away from throwing up yourself you wanted Niko to really suffer.

"Accept your defeat by a duster." You whispered theatrically while squeezing his shoulders. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head, hastily getting up and running over to the kitchen sink spitting everything out and coughing.

"Please, water." Niko winced at the disgusting aftertaste, but neither you nor the boys went over to help. Everyone was too busy laughing and talking while George filmed Niko suffering in the kitchen.

"That's what you get for calling me a duster." You turned to the other camera and smiled.

"Reveal your caaaard!" Chunkz shouted, and Niko pulled out his king of spades while still coughing over the sink.

Everyone cheered and you and Sharky held hands while jumping in a circle and chanting "Niko's a schmuck! Niko's a schmuck!"

Fast forward to the intense moment of you, Chunkz and Sharky deciding who the last mafia was. Getting Kenny out was easy because he was making zero sense in his arguments.

Just like earlier in the game, Sharky still had his suspicions on Chunkz and before Chunkz could say anything you brought up the fact that when everyone voted for AJ he voted for you, giving you some sort of reason to vote for him.

By now obviously Chunkz had a hunch that it was you, but Sharky wouldn't believe him anyway since he was fully convinced that Chunkz was the imposter. And after the final voting it was Chunkz's turn.

"Pickled eggs isn't even that bad!" Niko exclaimed.

"Shut it." Chunkz spat "Idiot." He took the fork and poked the jiggly egg.

"Hurry up." Sharky said impatiently, bouncing on the spot. But it was over for him. You had won already, just how you wanted.

"Eeewww," Chunkz managed to say as he swallowed a piece of the egg. "See that's how real men do it you pussio." Chunkz looked at Niko, stating the fact that he had managed to eat without spitting all over the sink.

"I had BRAINS!" Niko squeaked in defense.

"What's your card!?" Sharky shouted over the top of them.

Chunkz rummaged through his suit and pulled out the card from god knows where and slammed it onto the table right in front of Sharky.

"You idiot!" Chunkz sneered as Sharky let out a wail.

"Nooo!" He whined "Wait what? It was you?!"

"WE WOOONNN!" You shouted jumping up and down around Niko who was clearly pissed.

"I do not associate myself with her." Niko said into the lens as you continued celebrating.

"Gyal got brains." Chunkz laughed into Nikos face "She got you and we all believed her. You disgrace." Chunkz flicked his wrist.

"Cmon smile, we won!" You grinned sitting down next to Niko on a chair in a red lit room. You were filming the comments now and you had to talk about the victory.

"I don't even want to talk to her." Niko says into the camera pointing at you.

"There are two Mafias. We were supposed to work together." Niko articulated.

"Well maybe you should've stopped violating me every two seconds." You pointed out.

"Someone please evacuate her out of this building." Niko put his hairy gloved hand over your face.

"Niko!" You moved his hand away and spat out little pieces of green hair. The two of you shared a laugh before continuing to film.

After the civilians filmed their part under green lighting, the shooting for the day was finally over.

"Hey how about we order some pizza?" AJ suggested "Will you be staying longer?" He asked you. You glanced at the time, it was 6:27pm.

"Yeah, I've got time till 8:00." You said taking off your Santa hat and running your hand through your hair.

"Sweet."

"Yeah Sharky's gonna order because he's the dumbest idiot I've ever met." Chunkz says.

"Wha-I was sure it wasn't her!"

"Yeah yeah whatever."

"Alright who wants what?"

After figuring out the order everyone went to change back into their normal clothes.

You pulled Niko aside and made him take photos with you, Grinch with Grinch, that type of thing. He looked hilarious. You tried to pose in a cute way in the mirror, more or less, but Niko just stood there like a statue and pierced you with his gaze through the mirror.

"Relax," you laughed snapping a photo as you stood on your tiptoes to not seem so short.

"Get down," he pushed your shoulder "Stay short."

You rolled your eyes and after a few more photos, this time on his phone, you both went to change...well Niko had to scrub his face off to get that green paint of his face.

The rest of the evening was calm, you all chatted and ate, while a boring movie played in the background. You talked about mafia, work and future projects that might be coming up.

Today was pleasant, filming with the boys was always fun, you just wished you could do it more.

"Thank you for having me guys." You were enveloped by a big group hug.

"Thank you for coming." Chunkz said.

"Yeah today was fun." Sharky agreed.

"I'll see you guys, hopefully soon." You let go of them and picked up your bag.

"Niko will help you with this, right?" Kenny grinned at his friend as he held up the hanger with the costume cover, which had the "duster dress" inside it. Niko rolled his eyes and took the costume "Yeah." He said not so enthusiastically and followed you.

"Bye guys!" You waved the final time as you and Niko walked over to your driver's car.

As the two of you walked you shared some enjoyable silence with mutual smiles on your faces. He helped you put the costume in the backseat and as you were about to get into the car he finally decided to speak up "Hey I was wondering." He began with a slight smile on his face "Could I like, maybe, get your number?"

You were surprised, but overjoyed at the fact that he asked, not being able to hold in the beaming grin that shone on your face.

"I need to track you down and burn that dress."

You chuckled and nodded answering with a simple “yeah” to not seem too excited.

You decided to ignore the fact that he could've just texted you on Instagram and asked there, but maybe this was his way of showing his interest in you.

"On one condition though," you paused before typing your number into his contacts.

He raised his eyebrows and waited for you to continue.

"You don't name me Duster in your chats."

He nodded "Oh yeah yeah, of course not."

"Uhuh?"

He shook his head "Nah it's a dead joke."

You weren't convinced at all, but still put your number in his phone and handed it to him.

He smiled in response.

"You have a very weird way of getting girls. Violate them and then ask for their number."

He shrugged "Part of the rizz you know?"

You laugh at his comment and pull him into a hug "Bye Omilana."

"Peace to all." He tapped your shoulder.

You roll your eyes and get into the car and, as your driver greeted you and double checked that you were going home, Niko kept waving.

You waved in response before you turned the corner, and almost instantly your phone buzzed. You opened your messages only to be met with this:

[chillzosworld]

(Crys hard and sobs while holding both @demon-and-genshin-men-slvt and @the-ethereal-grave-doctor ) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WAAAAA-

(crys and sobs)

whale shark!!!!!

A Whale Shark from Real Life is being blended!!

You cannot save it.

[lucyjung]

NOOO POOR DOLPHIN

Big anon helps Dolphin from Sharkies

Yeahhhhh save herrrrr

also, alternative ending

[kenniko]

nOOO GUYS I MISSED SHARKY AND AJ, CHUNKZ, KENNY'S LIVE ON INSTAGRAM UGHH

[americangirldoll]

nooo im sad because I have 2 shark plushies and I prefer to cuddle with first one and I barely cuddle with second and what if the second get sad and im a bad shark plushies mom nooooooooo:(

🦈

im sure your sharkie knows its just as loved as the other!! though i do feel bad not cuddling all of my stuffies when i sleep 😭🩷🫶🏻

[catsharkie]

hey sharkie lets do a bit together

yay i love bits!!umm(looking through my flashcards)ummmm(drops them on the floor)ummmmm(vacuum got them)ohh nooo

[puckpocketed]

NOOO MY BELOVED TEAMS… SHARKIES PLEASE LEAVE GIBBY ALONE 😭🥺🥺

[hermitdrabbles56]

This will be my last mug, I swear 🙏

ISDB S WKANQKXNQKQL

SHARKY NOOO

[b4tasquad]

No cause Sharky would be a good bf to have because of how calm he is, but if that man ever told me to calm down in a stressful situation I would lose my fucking mind

I’ve said this before, but I think I’d actually break up. I definitely need someone to put me into place sometime, but “calm down”, “relax” or… “CHILL” HELL NOOO

[lethalchiralium]

Wanna Be Myself | Jacob Seed x GN!Reader

a/n: don’t question it ok i am not well lol

inspo: wanna be myself by g-eazy

warnings: drug use, drugging, cussing, hurk and sharky being little shits, depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, death

summary: how does one forget how to be themselves?

“Fuck this shit. Let’s go see Tweak.”

That was your third, fourth, fifth, and sixth mistake right there. One little sentence has you in a mannequin town, chasing pigs with baseball bats and completely fucked up on whatever drug Tweak had came up with now. Hurk was drinking away in a mine-cart and Sharky was failing epically at even catching a pig. Your entire body felt like a cloud and everything felt so funny, and so fast. Could you run this fast before?

Your bat kept hitting the ground and with every hit, a giggle left your lips. “Piggy! Come here!”

“Nooo! Don’t hurt ‘em!” Sharky shrieked, almost barreling into you as he launched himself forwards, trying to jump into the pig but he missed by a good two feet. You stumbled over him, trying not to kick his face and fell onto your front, rolling onto your back as laughter filled your chest and the air around your friends. Tweak slid down his ladder and raced over to you and Sharky - he couldn’t stop giggling.

“Come on Dep, try again!” Tweak whined and you waved your bat in the air, the world spinning again. You slammed the bat down, hitting Sharky in his chest and as he cried out in pain, you howled with laughter. You physically couldn’t stop laughing as Tweak scoffed, running off and yelling to Hurk, “Don’t get out of that cart!”

“That hurt!” Sharky sounded like a child and you moved to hit your bat on the ground again, the loud thump made your giggles multiply.

“Li-Listen to the thonk!”

Again and again, the bat hit the ground with the ‘thonk’, the howls of laughter were almost enough to attract wolves or bears - something that could kill you. The pigs squealed from across the field which angered Hurk from his little cart.

You didn’t even realize Hurk was there until you got him with your bat right in the nuts. He screamed and dropped the radio he was holding - your radio - and crumbled into a ball on the floor. You were screeching like a hyena, Sharky was barely even breathing at that point.

“Right in my nuts, man! Why’d you do that?!” Hurk was barely even speaking, you didn’t even care. All you could hear was the thump of the bat and someone talking through static.

“Deputy, answer me.”

A spark of joy set your body ablaze with happiness like a golden retriever, you looked towards the radio that sat near your head. While you kept hitting the bat and grabbed the radio, trying to press in the button but it was already stuck there.

“Hi baby!” Like a sweet bird’s song, you chirped to Jacob Seed, the man asking directly for you. “Hiiii.”

“Yes, hi, sweetheart. Where are you?”

You covered the receiver, like it would do anything, and stopped hitting the bat on the ground. “Do we know where we are?”

“Probably at Jesus.” Sharky answered and another loud cackle erupted from your lips, hearing Hurk’s muffled laughing as his face sat in the dirt. “I don’t know where he put us. Can we go and get froyo, Po-Po?”

Hurk laughed as he repeated, “Froyo! Po-Po! Froyo! Po-Po!”

He continued his chant as you leaned into the radio again, a smile on your face. “Wh-yy do ya wanna know?”

“Because…”

Sharky’s hand smacked your head, trying to hit Hurk but it only had you let out a rough laugh, “Watch it, Pyro!”

“Shut up!” Sharky answered, which earned a hit from the bats in the balls, just like Hurk. You cackled like a madman, the man whimpering in pain.

“Deputy, where are you?” Jacob’s voice was sweet, just like candy. You leaned into the radio again.

“I think I’m in the Henba- Sharly!”

Sharky had snatched your bat and rolled over a few times, farther away from your grasp. “It’s Sharky!”

“Give me my baaat!”

“Let’s go, Hurk! She’s gonna kill us!” Sharky bellowed and Hurk rolled too, they rolled away a few yards, cackling and talking as a sadness pooled in your chest.

“No fun.” You mumbled, arm rested over your eyes. “This was supposed to be fun and now I feel is sad and stupid and sad.” You let out a cough, a tickle in your throat. You put the radio next to your head and dug for your phone in your jacket.

The screen was too bright, you didn’t mind too much. The fuzzy, funny feeling was now gone, all you felt was small.

“I just wanna...” You had opened your photo gallery and looked at photos from years ago. Your hair was longer, a brighter color and your smile was real. Others were when you had short and dark hair, another was from your ex-boyfriend’s phone. A candid of you smiling somewhere sunny, your head was too fuzzy to remember. You loved that jacket and those shoes, you didn’t know where they went. Not like you could wear them anyway; you were the Deputy. You weren’t Y/N L/N who beat up bullies for fun in high school, or the one who shot a firework off in a corn field, or the one who hated where they grew up.

You were Rook now. The Deputy. The Savior created by God.

“I just wanna be myself.”

You shut off your phone and the radio came to life again.

“What do you mean?” Jacob’s voice echoed in your ear, you could hear the engine of his truck in the background.

“I hate the Bliss,” You answered, setting your phone on your stomach. “The stuff Tweak gave me - I just wanted something ‘cause I just wanna be myself.” You sniffled and moved your arm away from your eyes, seeing Hurk and Sharky begin to play sword fighting with the bats. “I never take the uniform off, I never fucking clock out.”

“Can you wait for me?”

“You’ll never understand.” A whisper came from your lips, looking up to the sky, watching the stars twinkle. “You never ever have to know what it feels like to forget how to be yourself.”

“Depu-teeee!” Hurk called from somewhere, your head was starting to hurt.

“I just want to do these fuckin’ drugs tonight ‘cause I just wanna be myself. I used to travel everywhere and I used to love someone with everything I had and I- I had a life. I didn’t have a purpose and I didn’t care - I wanted to stay who I was for forever ‘cause I was happy.” Tears fell down your cheek. “I really miss myself.”

The silence from the man you loved hurt. Even if he was listening, he could never love the real you. He loved the Deputy. He loves the Deputy.

“Decide now what you think of me, Jacob Seed.” You whispered. “You really think you love me? No one loves me, no one knows me; Everyone who did has either died or killed themselves.” A sniffle came from you. “I forgot how to be myself. You love the Deputy, Rook, Little Bird - how do you do that? Love a version of me and not me? I mean, fuck - this whole time - no one has asked my name. No one cares. I know you don’t.”

Jacob coughed, whispering softly to you. “Let me know you.”

“How can I if I don’t know how to be me anymore? That person who fucking watched their husband kill himself for years and kill your friends and then finally off himself in front of you. How could you love someone who had to throw themselves away and rewrite a new character? Here’s the answer-“

“Stop it.”

“You fucking can’t.”

The sound of tires stopping and the following footfalls were loud, you didn’t care. You wanted another dose. Maybe a couple more after that. You were confronting yourself because it made you feel better. Degrading yourself made you feel better.

Jacob stood over you now, your eyes hazing over as tears kept falling.

“Rafe was right. I’m damaged goods and I can’t help that.”

He kneeled near your head, tossing your radio away as his hands settled on your cheeks and your eyes really looked for his. His hands reached under your arms, pulling you to him and you turned, wrapping your arms around his neck.

You missed the syringe plunging into your neck until the rush of something through your blood made you let out a small cry. Everything kept getting fuzzier, your legs wrapped around his hips as your tears stained his jacket.

“I really miss myself, Jake.”

———

Copyright © 2022 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.

[emily-the-lost]

nooo... Sharky..

(@dr-wylde-and-janus)

*enters the master bedroom and kneels down next to R's body*

*completely dead and not breathing*

[sm-baby]

NOOO SHARKYS IN SPAIN JAIL FOR A BIJILLION YEARS

JAIL FOR SHARKY!! JAIL FOR 1000000 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!

[blissfullylostinarabbithole]

At this point, John didn’t know who he wanted to get his hands on more; you, or whoever gave you the polaroid camera you liked using to taunt him.

It started almost instantly. Some VIPs would show up with news of the destruction you caused, and more often than not they would have pictures of his defaced billboards, burning church vehicles, or you posing with Eden’s Gate supplies before stealing them for the resistance.

He thought you had done your worst when you destroyed his sign, and left pictures of you holding Drubman’s launcher and pointing excitedly at the then still intact sign behind you. But you hadn’t. It turned out, you had an even more evil side to you than anyone could have imagined.

His armored convoy had been destroyed, and the Priestess sent to deliver the news held a small stack of photos in her hand.

“Leave them,” he said, dismissing her. 

He took the stack and headed to the office he dedicated solely to your hobby, and scanned every picture, every insult, you gave him before beginning to go through the new stack.

The first picture was enough to send his anger into overdrive.

Your filthy beasts were sleeping on his bed; on his silk sheets! 

The next photos showed Nick using his beard kit, and included ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures as well. 

Adelaide was drinking his wine, which was hidden, and was wearing one of his favorite moisturizing masks. 

You were in his bathtub, playfully blowing bubbles at the camera, at him, while Drubman tried on his clothes in the background.

You knew they wouldn’t fit him!

He had no idea what Charlemagne was doing in his pictures, but he was in his house, touching his things, and that was bad enough.

The archer… he forgot her name… tracked her muddy shoes all over his bear skin rug and plopped them on his coffee table. 

His posters had been dug out of storage and used as target practice. Each of you held up your bullet ridden poster with smiles on your faces. Miss Armstrong’s had shot the most at his forehead.

The next ones were the final kick in the teeth; you and your friends had painted his beloved Affirmation using cheap, red, wall paint. After you ruined her, you wrote ‘Jr. Pack Hunter’ on her sides, and took her for a joyride.

You had taken everything, and tainted it.

He screamed. He was sick and tired of being made to look the fool. The first thing he grabbed was a chair, and he flung it across the room. Then it was a small table, and another chair, and before he knew it, the room was in tatters, photos raining down around him. 

He caught his breath, straightening his hair and vest before leaving the room, finding a few members of the congregation nearby.

“Get the cars ready,” he ordered steadily. “We’re going to pay our dear deputy a visit.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Faith hadn’t heard from Joseph yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She’d gone to see it for herself, the pile of rubble that used to be the Father’s statue; the final destination of her pilgrimage. 

Tears silently fell down her cheeks as she waited for the others to retrieve her bible, trembling with the knowledge that at any moment her radio would come to life with Joseph’s disappointment.

“Sister Faith,” a member of the flock called. “It’s not up there.”

“It has to be,” she insisted, her eyes welling with fresh tears.

The people around her grew uncomfortable, and angry that you’d upset her, and quickly began to reassure her that it must’ve just fallen to the ground in the commotion. They scattered to search the area, calling for more angels to clean up all the debris.

Needing something to do other than wait to hear from Joseph, Faith began to search the area herself. It wasn’t long before someone came to her, holding a toolbox with a note attached.

To: Faith

Love,

‘Rook’ :)

She opened the box, gasping at the contents inside. 

“Nooo!” she wailed, pulling her burned bible from the box and clutching it tight. “Why, Deputy? Why?”

She wiped her eyes, and saw the other contents of the tool box. She placed her bible down and took the pictures, her lip trembling as she looked them over.

Dozens of her bliss fields had been put to flame. One of them showed Hurk squatting, with Sharky creating the illusion that the flames were coming out of his backside. 

In others, you and your friends were tearing the conservatory apart. Though it never felt like much of a home to her, it still hurt. All the bliss barrels that had gone missing, had turned up there. New bliss would be hard to come by now, and their stocks were slowly getting stolen.

Then, you were in a helicopter, the one you’d stolen for Adelaide. You were circling the statue, posing with an armful of remote explosives.

Finally, you had her bible in one hand, and a lighter in the other.

“Faith?”

She shut her eyes and shuddered, bringing the radio to her lips. “Yes, Joseph?”

“What’s happening over there?”

He would’ve sounded calm to anyone, but she knew better. “The deputy’s gotten a little out of hand.” There was silence, and she waited with bated breath.

“Do I need to come down there and help you?”

“No, Joseph. I’ve got it under control.”

“Good. Don’t disappoint me, Sister.”

In that moment, all the previous Faiths flashed in her mind, but she quickly shook them out. No, she would not disappoint Joseph again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jacob had heard of the games you liked playing with his siblings, so when he heard you’d entered his region, he wanted to make sure his soldiers were ready for you. He didn’t think much of you when you showed up to arrest Joseph, but he hadn’t gotten a good look. When he captured you, he still wasn’t all that impressed.

When his hunters returned, he knew they’d have something for him. When he flipped through the pictures, he almost laughed. It was some of the same shit you pulled with John: his wolf beacons destroyed, his posters had been graffitied on, many of them with devil horns or a cliche mustache.

“Childish,” he gruffed, tossing them aside. “If they think they can get to me with this petty shit, the little lamb’s even dumber than I thought.”

However, he’d underestimated you.

When he sent soldiers to stop you from freeing the prisoners at the Grandview, only one returned… holding a single photo.

You were holding a sign that said, ‘I’m just getting started’.

The following morning, there was a commotion in the yard. He walked to the window and shouted down, demanding to know what was going on. Everyone looked around, afraid and unsure, and he was losing his patience. Finally, a brave hunter stepped forward.

“It’s your judge, Sir. It’s gone.”

He didn’t bother getting fully dressed, just threw on a pair of pants and his boots before storming outside. He passed the cages, ignoring everyone as they shrank away from him, only stopping once he reached the cage housing his personal judge. It was empty except for a photo of you feeding it.

He made sure to shorten the gaps in between the loop of ‘Only You’ since.

After that, all your pictures were of you and his judge. It was muzzled at first, but he’d heard there was someone working on reversing some of the effects of the bliss, and figured you must’ve taken it to them. Now it was always cuddled up with you, or attacking and feeding on his own soldiers.

A hunter approached with a parcel in hand, and Jacob smiled as he took it from him.

“I’m gonna go visit Peaches for a bit. Don’t bother me unless it’s an emergency.” He took the box and headed outside, tearing it open on the way to his truck. Inside, he chuckled darkly as he placed his own camera on the passenger seat. “You’ve had your fun, pup. Now it’s my turn.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been a long time since Joseph knew fear. It made a brief appearance the day he met you, the one who would make or break everything he’d worked for. But he pushed it aside, having faith in you that you’d made the right choice.

But he was wrong.

Perhaps he should’ve kept a closer eye on John, especially after your cleansing incident, but he needed to trust that his brother would get the job done. He wondered again if he should’ve stepped in when you began to toy with him, knowing full well that his brother’s temper would only work against him. John would’ve taken insult, and it might have undermined his authority within the Project, so he did nothing.

He feared, when he received his own set of photos, that you would be so cruel as to display his brother’s corpse for all of Eden’s Gate, for him to see that you were not a force to be reckoned with. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found no such photo.

Perhaps you’d been merciful, and there was still hope you would find your way to him.

When he received the ones from the Henbane, he knew you were reaching the point beyond salvation. He wasn’t angry as he studied your form throwing a grenade at one of the shrines, he was heartbroken. Over your dirtied tank top, you wore an all too familiar blue shirt, and an ostentatious belt on your pants.

Then, he feared you would humiliate Faith even further by stripping her, as there was no trophy for you to take other than her dress. He was again proven wrong when the next set of photos showed you wearing a floral headpiece Faith liked to wear on special occasions.

News of Jacob’s death reached him, and once again his faith was tested. His family was gone, most of his flock had been killed, and your influence only seemed to grow. He feared God had abandoned him.

He was in his chapel, praying for an answer, when he heard a loud thunk on the wall. Joseph walked outside as some of the few remaining members gathered to see what had happened.

“A boat drove by,” one woman explained. “That deputy threw this and then sped off.”

She handed Joseph the large rock with a photo tied to it, and told the others to return to their patrols.

Joseph untied it and flipped the photo over. Now you also wore Jacob’s jacket, tags, and rabbit’s foot. The picture must have just been taken, as it seemed you were on the river not far from the church. You were pointing at it, letting him know he was next. But that wasn’t all. In your other hand, you held a small sign with just one word: Glasses.

You’d already chosen your trophy.

He crumpled the picture in his hand and walked back inside. He prayed, trying desperately to rein in his anger, his wrath. He was glad no one was around to see him crumble. Joseph started to laugh. Softly at first, but it slowly grew as he felt madness begin to take him over. God had answered.

He would offer you one last chance; you, and the rest of your colleagues. 

“My children!” Joseph called as he stepped back outside. “I have a special favor to ask of you.”

The others gathered, eager to hear what the Father planned to do about you. Once they set off to bring in everyone who’d helped you, he left to prepare to give his brother’s eulogy, and a final message to you. 

One way or another, it would end the next time you crossed paths.

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