#NO FUN :(

[de-gueules-au-lion-d-or]

[the-cricket-chirps]

Jamie Reid

Pretty Vacant

1977

[sophsicle]

You know what? It’s a good thing that ohb was on hiatus for a few months so I could emotionally detach myself from the characters before they all die

:(

[zombiezrawesomesauce]

Why is everyone always picking fights with me on here? Steph was wrong, Tumblr sucks

[tomsmusictaste]

I know you're nervous sometimes It's a game, do you know what I mean?

BLINK-182 // NO FUN

[stillunusual]

On 1st July 1977 the Sex Pistols released their third single “Pretty Vacant”….

[dcviated]

Not only is Diluc adept on dodging mistletoe locations, he's also not above burning sprigs.

[lexoforus]

First stage: negation

Hehehe

STOP IT.

[my-blank-stare]

There’s a lot of shitty drugs to get physically dependent to but I’d honestly say benzos are most definitely in the top two because due to the fact you can legit die from their WD’s in the form of severe seizures or autonomic instability.

However good they are at managing anxiety I would never, NEVER, and I emphasize NEVER recommend someone getting on them or using them as a coping mechanism for anxiety- despite their major effectiveness.

I’ve only once been this low on bars before. I have five days left(with the amount of bars I have left- as seen in image) before I will need to admit myself to the ER so I don’t seize (again). My last one was a grand mal(tonic- clonic)- due to accidentally going cold turkey off of them when I was like 17-18 y/o.

But what led me to going cold turkey off of them like a dumbass was me pulling myself off of them wayyyy too fast(with a very severe physical year+ long dependence at very high doses), and having a full blown psychotic episode- that led me to think I didn’t need to be taking them at all when I was in reality super physically dependent. Getting off benzos will do that to you.

So of course, I end up getting hospitalized due to the seizure, but I’m too mentally out of it(unable to distinguish between reality and what’s not) so they send me to a psych ward against my will- because again- I was way too out of it to even know what was going on.

—————

Okay so here’s where I’m currently at now.. I have 5 days worth left of a mix of Bromazolam and Clonazolam..

If I run out.. I’ll need to admit myself to the closest ER before I go completely and utterly off my rocker. It’s as if there’s a timer above my head ticking down to an inevitable major psychotic episode and possible seizure. The psych episode is 100% if I have to go cold turkey(I trust the hospital will figure my situation out though.. if it comes to that). And my tolerance is wayyyy too high to taper myself off safely with the limited amount I have now. So I’m kinda fucked. I have quite a lot of Bromazolam bars that will soon be in my possession. And all I can do is wait.

I’m going as absolutely low as possible with my dosing. Am also going through minor psychosis due to the low ass amount of benzos I’ve been reduced to taking(like a 1/10- but still on the psychosis scale unfortunately). My brain is freaking out. This shit sucks. Really bad. All I can do is wait for my bars then I’ll be set for a while. I’m going to actually try to taper myself off of this horrid class of medications.

Don’t know how I’ll function with my social anxiety as severe as it is, but I know damn well benzos are not the answer. It’s like putting a temporary bandaid over a gaping wound that keeps getting more infected as the days go by unaddressed.

I’ve been advised by my PCP *not* to go to detox(or I would right now) because I am a severe case and I need longer than 8 days to taper safely. My full clinical team is guessing it’s going to take at least a couple months to fully taper me off them safely. So I’ve been recommended/ referred to a couple addiction specialists who can help me out taper off of them without literally going like.. actually psychotic. And the psychosis’s are full blown as well. Like to the point I’ll think I’m living in a different land, or dead and in the afterlife, etc. (crazy shit like that)

I’ve been on them far too long. If I don’t get my benzos on time I’ll literally have to hospitalize myself :( I need to get off of these meds once and for all and learn to deal with my anxiety. This includes detox, then likely a 90+ day rehab immediately afterwards(where I can learn some life skills(and how to deal with my severe ass social anxiety without the use of benzos)).

If anyone’s considering these meds as a long-term solution, I’d strongly suggest weighing out the major risks and sticking closely to your professional’s guidance. Please think twice before getting on benzodiazepines if you haven’t already.

AND- if you’re already dependent to these kinds of drugs.. DO NOT PULL YOURSELF OFF WITHOUT MEDICAL SUPERVISION!! YOUR LIFE OR SANITY COULD VERY WELL BE ON THE LINE! (You don’t want to end up in a psych ward as I have on multiple occasions.. those places are just as bad as seen on TV. But, not gonna lie.. they are sometimes actually needed.. despite their… unpleasantness…)

Please keep me in your thoughts(pray for me if you’re into that). I’m working through this, and I know there’s light at the end of this long, long tunnel.

2024.11.10

[thestarbornpilgrim]

Not to vent but I still got bruises from all those needles. Yuck!

I hate being in the hospital. The food tastes terrible and they would check on me every 3 hours. I know I’m sick. But mannnnn nothing beats sleeping in your own bed

[topsyturvy-turtely]

being responsible sucks.

[maopll]

crying my balls out ...

[forgotn1]

Kinda want to hear Lestat cover No Fun. I think he could nail it. He could even dedicate it to Armand.

[cuddlytogas]

the best things in life are

disallowed from a bowel prep diet

[amymaleneart]

My legs are on FIRE!!!

Haven't had a sunburn for so long, I forgot how annoying it is. Should of remember to put on sunblock even if I'm under a sun umbrella.