#NEVER BEEN

[loo011]

I am every day growing more and more irrationally sick of the jd fandom massively downplaying Jackson and exer's relationship.

They're BOTH the main characters (Jackson more but still). They're the face of the webtoon. Their relationship is the most important thing in the plot IF it's not the whole plot.

And yet most readers just don't care and it's REALLY getting on my nerves.

[alitan99]

As per @wisecrackingeric-2 ‘s instruction, I am HAPPY TO SHARE MY CAMEO VIDEO FROM ANDRE PEÑA. LLUIS CAN SING YALL HERES THE PROOF. ENJOY

[anxietypossumart]

*enters confessional, does the sign of the cross upside down* forgive me father for i have sinned.... i just love making snufkin cry

(From this)

[ksjanes]

And now let us believe in a year that is given to us, new, untouched, full of things that have never been.

Rainer Maria Rilke

[diduthinkihadforgotten]

i hate that i’m still, at least partially, yours. that i’m still talking about this, so here’s me trying to get the last of it out.

you’re the first person in a damn long time to make me feel even sort of human. like i wasn’t some kind of fucked up monster with attachment issues and half a god complex.

you actually and legitimately saw me. the whole person i never really let anyone else ever get to know. that hit because id been all but begging for him to see me for 2.5 years. i spend a day with you and you’ve already got me wrapped around your finger.

it’d be really, really easy to brush it off, like “oh yeah we just got along well cause our brains are the same type of broken.” something something empathy issues. and honestly, it wouldn’t be fully untrue.

i’m a liar at my core. a fraud who has somehow escaped having imposter syndrome despite a calculated facade of humanity. you saw through me and liked what you saw. i was honest with you because it never seemed worth it to do anything else. you did the same. we sat at the park and pinky swore. it meant the same to you as it did to me and you said as much.

we talked about everything. from dumb gossip to the intricacies of family politics. every decision i had to make we talked through together. as a team.

what sucks is that it wasn’t even a real relationship or anything. we never bothered with a label beyond friends. mostly because we couldn’t, i think. i remember a drunk conversation where you told me you fantasized about running away together, quote- often. it wasn’t a breakup, we got caught fucking around and found out. got cocky the first time when we mutually told the same lie to our friends and loved ones and got away with it.

i think about all the dumb romance. taking pictures of each other, sneaking off to go sit behind his car and make out when no one was looking. petty squabbles over who would pay for dinner. buying each other random, “hey i saw this and thought of you,” gifts.

i was never happier than when we’d have dumb conversations on my bed about shitty horror movies. playing pokémon on their floor and being automatic teammates in any and all situations. falling asleep together and waking up suffocated by the heat in that room. our dumb bits, the fact that you loved my shitty humor.

i keep wondering if you’re anywhere near as torn apart by this as i am. i think maybe- you still text me even though that’s borderline suicidal behavior in your current situation. i don’t think im allowed to reach out to you, so i don’t. communication feels disjointed now, i know that’s on me. i’m sorry for that, but the way.

my mind keeps going back to watching the sunset on the beach. we sat in the sand building half a sand castle and we talked about happiness. i remember you looked at me, and told me that you were truly happy in that moment. i remember smiling at you, and saying i was too. we talked about what that meant. happiness. and came to the conclusion that that was very dangerous, and we should probably stop before shit gets weird. we didn’t. we didn’t even try.

you called my house home that night, and i reacted poorly. i’m sorry for that, too. the wounds were still too fresh and we weren’t sitting on the beach anymore. in the car you told me you thought i fell in love with my friends, and i said something pretentious about the grecian types of love. it sparked a conversation with the other people there, which i was grateful for. when we got home, i had left my lights on. we watched a few movies, played a couple pokemon games and i turned off the lights.

it was always in the dark we were the most intimate. staring at the ceiling and talking about love. i think it was safer that way.

you’re still it for me. when i tell people stories they’re always about us. i still miss you more than i’ve missed anything on this earth. i still hope you’ll come back someday. maybe in 600 years- that was always our backup plan. if not in this lifetime, maybe the next. you pressed your forehead to mine and held my hand, told me we were twin flames.

i laughed then, but i think you know better than i do. if we’re speaking spiritually, the stars told us this would happen. we talked it over and came to the same conclusion. unlucky this time, better luck next time.

[jinouchibhue]

Next year, I wanna go to some live wrestling events.

[sanctus-ingenium]

Thoughts on Lough Neagh?

environmental disaster

[coralreeferband]

The Holdovers got me lookin at flights to Boston

[finitofreeway]

Pittsburgh, PA // 2010

[skyrim-forever]

im nearly done the second chapter of my Lucien Lachance x OC: Valeria fic and hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think my soul is dirty  🙃 🙃 🙃

[definitelynotyourdad]

Waffle house: go for the waffles, stay for the wrestling

[dijidweeeb]

BETZEFER - Never Been [Official Music Video] (2016)

[ahungeringknife]

Never Been 1

365: April 5-11

Never Been

There were always a lot of dogs in Masyaf. If you’d call a dæmon that looked like a dog a dog at least. That didn’t stop most Assassins from having dog dæmons and Malik was no exception. Nishtar was a cream and white canaan dog and wasn’t even the only one. Canaan dogs were popular choices for Assassins along with their sleek saluki cousins. Ones who didn’t have dogs had other useful dæmons; birds or cats or even rats. Rauf had a mongoose and that made everyone just uneasy around him, especially the handful of men who had snakes as dæmons. But most of them had dogs because, and everyone knew this, they were dogs; loyal, obedient, and if need be, vicious.

Today was one of the last inspections Malik would have as a journeyman. He’d made his first kill years ago and would get to become a proper Assassin soon. Nishtar had settled but that wasn’t enough to be considered an ‘adult’ in Masyaf. You had to finish your training and Malik was so close. Hopefully today would be the last time he had to line up for inspection with the rest of his age mates. No one liked inspection. It was simply the worst part of the training.

The hall monitor came by and you stood outside your door with your dæmon by your side, or in easy view, and they made sure you were dressed properly and then reached out and touched your dæmon. If you flinched you were sent to contact training, if you didn’t you were left to your own devices until whatever normal training or lessons you had. Malik hated it. It always made him want to throw up and had since he was a boy. He wasn’t the only one. He had vivid memories all through his life of the other boys in his hall yelling or puking when their dæmons were touched by their hall monitor. One time a knife had been drawn. No attack had followed up on it but the fight trigger had been so strong. Malik had never puked thankfully but he’d been trained out of reacting when people touched his dæmon.

He stood with his roommate outside their room. Zain’s dæmon Basket (what a fucking stupid name for a dæmon) was also a dog but his looked more like a pharaoh hound mixed with some stringy pariah dog you’d see out in the wastes between civilization and it always trembled during inspection. Malik felt Nishtar look around his legs at Basket and he lightly tapped her side with his leg: don’t look at Basket.

‘He’s going to get himself in trouble,’ Nishtar said into his mind.

‘Not our problem,’ he thought back.

‘He’s so annoying when he fails inspection,’ she complained. ‘He’s going to fail this time I just know it. And then he’s going to climb onto the bed and cry.’

‘Not our problem,’ Malik thought as the hall monitor was drawing closer. Their own dæmon was a canaan dog too but was darker brown with a cream collar and saddle. Bistil stalked up and down the journeymen and novices being inspected today and like Nishtar he noticed how jittery Basket was today. Unlike Nishtar he didn’t care and just glared daggers at the shivering dæmon but moved on ahead of his person.

The hall monitor looked Malik over briefly and noted on his board that his uniform was satisfactory. Then he leaned down and gave Nishtar a rough but agreeable pet on the top of her head. She closed her eyes at the rough attention but didn’t flinch away. Malik didn’t flinch either and just stood there but his stomach was in an absolute knot. He was going to throw up if this went on much longer and he hadn’t had breakfast yet so it would just be bile and stomach acid. Worse was Nishtar was sympathetic to stuff like that so if Malik threw up his dæmon would too and everyone had the same vitriolic reaction listening to a dog throwing up.

It only lasted about five seconds but that was enough. Malik blinked when the hand was removed from Nishtar’s head but he didn’t breathe out yet. That was still a flinch. The hall monitor inspected Zain and Basket next.

Malik lurched away when the hall monitor went to pet Basket and as soon as he touched Basket’s head the dæmon lashed out to bite the hand. Before he could even do so, it happened so fast, Bistil was on top of him, jaws around Basket’s throat and Basket on the ground.

Every dæmon in the hall started barking like crazy and in the confined space it was so loud Malik was momentarily stunned.

The hall monitor pulled Bistil off of Basket who lay on the ground breathing hard, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He bled but not so much he’d bleed out and Malik reached out and put his hand on Nishtar’s head. She’d moved to stand between his legs protectively, barking furiously at Bistil, or maybe Basket. ‘I told you he’d fail! And he’s going to be so annoying,’ she said into his mind.

Bistil started barking back at the other dæmons and quickly everyone quieted. Everyone knew who was in charge and it was Bistil. Malik kept his hand on Nishtar anyway.

The hall monitor didn’t look too ruffled by the whole thing. Zain was knelt by his dæmon who was still just laying on the ground panting hard, eyes wide and wild. “Once you’ve cleaned up this mess make sure you go down to contact conditioning,” he told Zain.

“Yes, sir,” Zain said, not looking at him.

“Everyone back into positions,” the hall monitor snapped. “Your inspection is not over.” But Malik noted he wasn’t the only one who’d moved to have their dæmon stand or sit between their legs. Down the hall from the way the hall monitor had come Malik did see to some amusement Paul trying and failing to pull his completely puffed up cat dæmon off him.

‘Basket and Zain better get their act together,’ Nishtar said.

‘They’ll be fine,’ Malik said back but didn’t pet her despite wanting to. The hall monitor continued the rest of the inspection without incident and Malik was grateful when they were all released. He wanted to go get breakfast and properly settle his stomach after Nishtar had been touched.

[felgueirosa]

should i go to pride alone?

[bun800]

Never been, nor do I think I'll ever go unless hired. Been to Universal Studios and SeaWorld back in 2000 though!

[puppyeared]

filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^