#My previous posts and the disorganized tags give me... something.

[sleepylemoon]

Boo 🌚

Did you think I died? Well, no ! I almost did, although not literally...– I decided to return a small drawing of our favorite Neighborhood Darling– but uh... it's still a WIP 🌚 that i don't know if I'll finish or start another one ⚰️

I'm glad to be back from the dead for... who knows which consecutive time :] !

Who knows if I will actually be able to draw, or if I will end up taking four-hour 'naps' after the last four months🧍

Anyway, I hope you have been well– drink some water, touch some grass 👁️👁️

Hopefully I'll be able to see you again very soon.

[lvnatiq]

Stars on your skin | Felix Escellun x Genderneutral Reader

a/n: PLSS I KNOW IT’S SHORT AND DISORGANIZED BUT I HAD TO WRITE IT IN LIKE AN HOUR ON MY PHONE BECAUSE OF WORK AND COLLEGE STUFF AND I ALSO DID A BRAIN WOMIT HERE SO I’M BASICALLY SERVING YOU CRUMBS OF MY ACTUAL WRITING SKILLS. Also I didn’t proofread please forgive me if I don’t make any sense. Let me know if you liked it or not, I appreciate feedback so much ! Nonetheless I love y’all ���

word count: 1,193

warnings: pure nsfw filth sprinkled with a dash of bottom!felix energy

taglist: (I literally tagged everyone in the previous post)

@wonderlander-i @mxrmaid-poet @frozen-daydream @starboiistryinghard @jvstlikemagic @satostan @aomiyeon @the-most-things-fan @nishtharya @aurora-morning @pralexa01 @beolh-reblog @felixescellun @obliviousxiv @another-confused-gay

"24."

His face, adorned with concern and the curiosity that was creeping up on his gaze was clearer than his intentions were. The more you responded back to his gaze with daring looks, the more he felt the warmth of your proximity radiating over his helpless figure.

Oh wait, no. Actually the warmth that he felt was the blush that was slowly but surely devouring his freckled cheeks.

Speaking of freckles, "Your freckles."

He placed his hand on his neck, exploring his own skin. Feeling the abrupt amount of texture that mainly consisted of goosebumps.

He blamed you for it. He blamed you for everything that was happening to him from the start.

If it wasn't for you, his body wouldn't have given these strange reactions. Maybe, his legs wouldn't buckle or his breathing wouldn't quicken. His heart wouldn't continuously knock against his chest, as if it was a bird struggling to get out of it's cage.

"My- my freckles ?"

"Yes, there are exactly 24 of them around your neck."

You slowly dragged your fingertips starting from the ends of his soft hair, gliding down to the evident curves of his collarbones.

"If you give me a minute or two, I can find out how much of them exist in total." Noticing the slight smirk forming on your lips, felix gulped.

Thinking that, somehow, it would help with the dryness forming in his throat. Nevertheless he tried to keep his calm. Regardless of the filthy scenes that invaded his thoughts, in response to your invite.

He tried, at least. It was a hard task, how he could possibly stop himself when you are pushing him not to ?

"It's so hot in here, I think we should open up the windows-“

Thanks to his luck, your fingertips that were previously exploring his collarbones, quickly slid down to the buttons of his cotton shirt.

“I can fix that." His eyes locked with yours as you swiftly undo a button. Revealing more of him.

"Mhm-“

"Is still hot ?" You murmured, enjoying the sense of power that him writhing beneath you gave. The mood was set and you were just getting started.

"Oh- It's even worse!" His helpless plea was accompanied by your playful chuckle. Your fingers carelessly danced across his chest as his heavy breathing followed.

Small steps led to bigger reactions. Whatever he could hide from his words, he showed through his body.

"It seems like you are enjoying this, are you not ?"

He was sure that he could withstand your sinful torture, he did. That was until your next words that simply hanged like sharp blade against his neck.

"You were dreaming of this weren't you ?"

He was.

What would be the reason behind of the chills that ran through his body, making the bed shake ? What would be the excuse of him repeating your name under his breath ? What else would explain why his eyelashes fluttered under the tension of his tightly shut eyelids and furrowed brows ?

In response you ghosted your hand over his aching spot, giving him false hope. That you preferred to call 'teasing'.

Felix's back arched, his shoulders tensed as his hands gripped on the soft sheets beneath him. Tiny droplets of sweat that ran down his jaw shined under the glimpse of moonlight, making him look divine.

All of this mess had him not asking for help from his angels but, more so, begging for mercy from his demons.

"Please-“

"Please, what ? Would you like me to open the windows ?"

He hated it. The way you shamelessly ruined every single moral he had, the way you affected him so deeply that you even continued to keep him collared in his dreams. Hell, he made himself think that he hated it knowing damn well that he was completely infatuated by it.

"Please touch me, d-do something. Anything !"

There he was, desperate than ever. His yearning for your touch surpassed his failing attempts of keeping his composure.

He didn’t care, the overwhelming feeling of pleasure that washed over him as you pressed your soft lips against his lower abdomen was his only point of focus.

“So impatient, what’s the hurry ?”

Evil, you were purely evil. All of this teasing only ruined him further.

“I’ll do anything ! ah-“

He felt the fabric slide down to his knees, allowing the breeze of the night give his thighs a kiss of anticipation.

“Anything ? That’s unexpectedly brave of you felix.”

You slid your hands underneath his undergarments, it would be a shameless overstatement to say that you were touching him.

“Alright then, I guess you could keep yourself busy by not letting out any of those sweet noises you make” you purred against his neck as you continued,

“You can do that, can you ?”

The subtle contact of your hand that ran across his length urged him to close his eyes shut as tight as he can. With hopes of preventing himself from letting that delicious groan roll out of his lips he digged his teeth into his bottom lip.

Satisfied with the strangled moans you were getting from him, you slowly hooked your leg to his side, capturing him underneath you.

You pressed your hips against his spot, applying enough pressure to make him gasp.

“What do you want me to do, felix ?”

“You-“ his response was almost immediate as if he was waiting for your question or rather your permission.

You moved your hips creating a great amount of friction, seeking to stimulate him.

Seeking to break him.

“I want you- No, no I need you !”

You slid your hands underneath his neck, running your fingers through his hair, now sleek with sweat. Pulling him towards you, urging his eyes to lock with your own. Urging him to breathe what you breathe, see what you see, feel what you feel.

“Manners, felix.”

You finally gave in. Getting rid of any obstacle that existed between you two, connecting your bodies, truly.

“You forgot to add ‘please’.”

His arched back allowed his head to roll back against the pillow. Exposing his captivating neck, that called out your name and more specifically begged for your attention.

“Kindness never killed nobody.”

You leaned in, reaching a new angle where you could easily pick up the speed and control your motions.

Felix hissed at the foreign sensation against his neck. The hot feeling of your wet tongue drawing sloppy patterns against his skin made him loose any form of self control he had.

His legs trembled underneath yours as he got closer to his sweet release.

“I’m- almost there,” he incoherently murmured.

Not planning on keeping up with your little game, you let him. Following him right after as you reached your own high.

Felix threw his arms around your waist as he pulled you down to his chest. Holding onto you as if he did not, he would drop dead.

“26.”

Startled by your sudden tone he turned towards you, holding his signature oblivious gaze.

“I was wrong.” You continued as you sealed your statement with a soft kiss right under his ear.

“There are exactly 26 stars scattered on your skin.”

[probably-eating-poptarts]

New  Blood | Chapter 2

Tensions rise and plans are made

Universe: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Pairing: Thomas Hewitt x OC

Word count: 1,980

| Chapter 1 |

A/N: This chapter was honestly so hard to write considering the fact that, like… nothing interesting happens 😂 But I felt it ended where it needed to end, and I have ideas already set for where I want this story to go, so stay tuned! (@tentacles-and-coffee, would you like sum tag? 👀)

Chapter song: Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival

✧༝┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉༝✧

That night was chaos at the Hewitt house.

“What the hell were you thinkin’, Ma? That bitch should be on Tommy’s choppin’ block, not off runnin’ your damn errands!”

“Now Charlie, you oughta know by now we can’t just kill off every single person that comes through; someone’s gonna catch on eventually–”

“It’s Hoyt, goddammit! Hoyt!”

A bony, long-fingered fist slammed into the worn butcher block table with enough force to topple one of the cloudy old mason jars spaced around at each place setting, and spittle flew from pooched, cracked lips. Luda Mae threw her hands up in exasperation before stomping into the kitchen, fed up with her son’s tantrums.

She returned a moment later, setting down a casserole dish fresh out of the stove. “That was a good girl, I just know it. She was just passin’ through and there wasn’t no reason at all to do away with her! Besides, her granddaddy is old John Elwood and you know he and his kin would come snoopin’ around if she up and disappeared!”

Hoyt spat carelessly onto the scuffed hardwood and curled his lip in a mockery of a smile. “You just jealous, Mama?” he wheedled. “Sad that you ain’t had no little bitch to gussy up, huh? Is that it?”

“That’s enough, now!” She snapped, her tone booking no room for further argument. “You won’t lay a single finger on that girl if I have anything to say about it, so just hush up and eat your supper.”

The old woman sat herself in her chair with a sense of finality, staring down her eldest child as if daring him to open his mouth again. Luda Mae had given her boy a lot of slack after his return from the war, and she loved him dearly despite the attitude he liked to give her these days, but at some point a mother just has to put her foot down.

The two locked eyes for several tense moments before Hoyt sucked sourly at his teeth and called over his shoulder, “C’mon in here, Tommy, and let’s eat.”

From the shadows of the hallway a looming shape moved; dim light from the dining room spilling over the burly, hulking form of the youngest Hewitt as he ducked under the doorway to enter the room. He had been patiently awaiting his adopted brother’s permission to join the rest of the family as always, but he found his thoughts distracted from his meal tonight with the topic of their discussion. Who was this girl, and why was Mama so taken up with her? Would she just end up like everyone else who found themselves on the receiving end of the infamous Hewitt hospitality?

He could tell that Mama was none at all happy with that prospect, and he found himself struggling with the uncomfortable possibility of having to choose between the wishes of his mother and the demands of his sibling. Cross as he could be sometimes, Charlie (Hoyt, Tommy reminded himself) had always been the one to give Thomas direction in his days following the collapse of the slaughterhouse; who to kill, who to detain, who to hobble for his… ‘personal enjoyment’.

But if his brother commanded him to kill this stranger, and then Mama told him not to… What would he do?

Shaking off the unanswerable conundrum for now, Thomas tucked into his meal with his usual gusto and decided he would just cross that bridge if or when he ever came to it. For now, supper was hot and the evening was still young yet…

*

“Thanks again, Bobby. I’ll tell Opa you said hello!”

Addie waved farewell to the bearded man and folded the small stack of paperwork he’d just finished filling out neatly as she made her way back towards her truck and now-empty trailer, hauling herself into the driver’s seat before cranking the engine and pulling out of the livestock pavilion.

Just a ways down the road - right where Luda Mae said it would be - a tiny little tea shop sat tucked away on the downtown strip between a record store and a newly refurbished post office. Addie had to drive almost half a mile more to find parking that accommodated the size of her rig, but she enjoyed the walk nonetheless as she made her way back past quaint storefronts and other folks out for a morning stroll.

The shop itself was cozy, if not slightly disorganized on the inside, but the rather eccentric older woman behind the desk knew exactly where everything was when Addie explained what she was after. When she finally left the store nearly a half hour later - the small silver bells above the door tinkling a merry goodbye over her head - she had two boxes of green tea and a little novelty tea strainer she’d been… somewhat coerced into buying all tucked away in a little paper bag under her arm.

From there it was just one quick stop by Luda Mae’s place, and then she’d be on her way home. The trek out always took much longer since she made extra stops at other farms to pick up livestock, but if she played her cards right, she’d probably make it back to Elwood Dairy by suppertime.

Someone at the pavilion had even managed to fix her radio, so with the windows cranked down and CCR blasting over the speakers, it was only just before noon when she found the little turnoff and rolled into the diner’s parking lot.

Roiling thunderclouds were gathering as Addie made her way across the asphalt towards the rickety front steps, and she paused for just a moment to study the looming darkness reaching out across the restless treetops in the distance.

“Looks like we’ll be in for a pretty nasty summer storm,” came Luda Mae’s voice from just behind the porch door. She pushed the screen open with her elbow and waved Addie inside, ushering her towards one of the antique tables where a porcelain teapot and mismatched teacups sat waiting.

The two women chatted amicably for a while as the tea Addie had acquired steeped; watching the broiling noon sun slowly and mercifully fade away beneath the creeping shadows of the oncoming storm cell.

“So do you stay with Old John up there at the dairy?” Luda inquired.

“Yes ma’am,” Addie replied, “Ever since I was a kid.”

“What about your folks? Do y’all all live on the property together?”

The younger girl pursed her lips and looked down into her cup, swirling the dark contents within.

“M’not really sure where my biological father is,” she finally confessed. “And my mom signed over custody to my grandparents when I was about six, so I’ve been with them almost my whole life. She comes around now and again, but we don’t really see her all that often.”

Her shoulders lifted and fell in a quick, nonchalant shrug. “Besides, growing up on the farm was really nice; and with Oma being sick lately, I came back from college to help out more.”

Luda Mae perked up. Sweet, well-spoken, and educated? “What were you schoolin’ for, then?”

“Well I finished my degree a couple years ago, actually.” The hint of pride in her tone was hard to hide. “I was really just taking extra courses during the fall before I left campus.”

Before she could elaborate the screen flew open with a sharp thwack, accompanied by a growling roll of thunder. Well-worn snakeskin boots thumped heavily against the dusty hardwood floor, announcing the arrival of the scowling sheriff Addie had seen briefly during her previous visit.

“Mama,” he nodded in greeting to the older woman, his sharp, beady gaze boring into Addie so coarsely that an instinctive shiver of apprehension tumbled down her spine.

“Hoyt! Come on in, honey; let me get you something to drink and introduce you to Miss Adeline Elwood, old John’s grandbaby.” As she spoke, Luda Mae tottered up from the table and pulled out a glass coke bottle from the old cooler by the register, popping the cap off on the attached bottle jack before passing it to her son.

The seemingly permanent frown he sported turned a fraction more sour, just for a moment, before breaking into a fractured grin - as if he had forgotten the art of smiling properly. “Pleasure’s all mine, ma’am.”

Both Hewitts joined Addie at the table, chair legs scraping as bodies settled into comfortable positions.

“So you mean to tell me ain’t nobody out here drivin’ that rig of yours?” Hoyt asked her with an air of haughty surprise. “We ain’t used to seein’ decent womenfolk around these parts all by themselves, y’know.”

Addie hid her clenched teeth behind a sociable smile. “Yep, it’s just me. Been hauling cattle by myself for a few years now since my Opa is staying home more often.”

The sheriff whistled low and reclined comfortably against the back of his chair. “Yeah, word spread fast when miz Rosie got sick. How’s she been holding up these days, hm?”

“About as well as can be expected,” Addie replied with a cock of her left shoulder. “We’re all just taking things one day at a time.”

He nodded sagely and took a swig of his drink, still watching her every move like a hawk zeroing in on an unsuspecting mouse.

“Now, you never got around to tellin’ me what you were upstate studying,” Luda Mae interjected with a gentle pat on the younger woman’s arm. “Such a bright young thing, aren’t ya dear?”

Clearing her throat, Addie fiddled with the excess of her ponytail before taking a brief sip of tea long since gone tepid. The wiry old coot was starting to make her rather tense. “I got my degree in animal science over at TAMU two years ago, and I’d been taking some agricultural classes right before I came back home to help around the farm.”

“Sciences, huh?” Hoyt sucked on the dip between his teeth. “Awful high aspirations for such, ah… lovely young lady such as yerself, dontcha think?”

Addie leveled him with a rather icy stare.

“Well that may be so, but since veterinary options tend to be rather limited around these parts, I figured I may as well learn how to do it myself.” She hit him then with her coyest, most femininely charming smile. “Sometimes a lady’s gotta help herself if there’s no man around to do it for her.”

With a sly wink to seal the deal, she pushed off from the table and tipped her head to both Hewitts in turn. “The tea was lovely Miss Mae, but I really ought to be headed on home, now.”

“Oh please, sweetheart, don’t go botherin’ with all that ‘Miss’ stuff.” The older woman began to gather their empty china. “Luda Mae will do just fine now.”

Nodding her understanding, Addie swapped final goodbyes and stepped back into the oppressive Texas heat, barely deterred by the flagging breeze pulling the surging storm cell ever closer.

“You drive careful now, y’hear?” Luda Mae called from beyond the screen. Hoyt stood at her shoulder - an ominous figure looming within his mother’s shadow - and he crooked his fingers at her in a little wave as he smiled that rusted out grin around the wad of tobacco always present within the rotting crease of his lips.

Ingrained southern manners had the young woman returning that broken-doll gesture with the barest tilt of her head in acknowledgment, and she clambered quickly into the confines of her truck cab where she felt a modicum of safety behind thick glass and sturdy American steel. She wasn’t going to outrun this beast of a downpour, but she was ready to get as much of a headstart as she could.

Things were looking to get nasty very quickly.

[wilderkind]

Vai’ina Korovin

Basics –– 🌘

  Nicknames: Vai

  Age: 159 years

  Race: Viera - Rava

  Gender: Cis female

  Sexuality: Heterosexual

  Marital Status: Engaged to be married

  Server: Crystal - Zalera

Physical Appearance -- 🌘

  Hair: White, incredibly long.

  Eyes: Silver.

  Height: 6′5″

  Build: Built like a brick shithouse.

  Distinguishing Marks: She’s got scarring everywhere - some small, faint lines through dusky skin, some deep and noticeable.  One particularly large scar on her abdomen, roughly seven inches wide, just beneath her ribs on the left side - with an exit scar to match on her back. 

  Common Accessories: Carved bone charms, feathers.  An ornate metal helm.  Greatbow and feathered quiver of arrows.  A small star-shaped locket made of wood, hung on a reinforced chain around her neck - her daughter’s. 

Personal --- 🌘

  Profession: Professional monster hunter, adventurer of sorts. Former woodwarder, former resistance.

  Jobs: Will sometimes help out at the Moonflower, or with her husband’s bookstore. 

  Hobbies: Hunting, archery, reading, cooking, camping, swimming, whittling/making things.

  Languages: Common, native (I use translated Icelandic)

  Voice and Speech: Quiet usually, unless she needs to raise her voice - then, Vai’ina has a noticeably commanding voice.  Speaks with a very light, barely distinguishable accent resembling Icelandic.

  Birthplace: Golmore Jungle

  Religion: None.

  Patron Deity:Menphina, the Lover

  Fears: Being forgotten, being really alone - losing Frydstyr. 

Relationships --- 🌘

   Spouse: Frydstyr Ryssitarsyn

   Children: Lhyuine - Deceased

   Siblings: None, save the non-blood sisters she left in the Range.

   Other Relatives: None.

   Pets: None, but she wants a dog.

Traits --- 🌘

   Extroverted / In-between / Introverted

   Disorganized / In-between / Organized

   Close-minded / In-between / Open-minded

   Calm / In-between / Anxious

   Disagreeable / In-between / Agreeable

   Cautious / In-between / Reckless

   Patient / In-between / Impatient

   Outspoken / In-between / Reserved

   Leader / In-between / Follower

   Empathetic / In-between / Apathetic

   Optimistic / In-between / Pessimistic

   Traditional / In-between / Modern

   Hard-working / In-between / Lazy

   Cultured / In-between / Uncultured

   Loyal / In-between / Disloyal

   Faithful / In-between / Unfaithful

Additional Information --- 🌘

   Smoking Habit: Never.

   Drugs: Never.

   Alcohol: Occasionally, in a social setting.

   What I’m Looking For: Friends (new or old) or contacts from previous ventures.

RP Hooks --- 

Something giving you trouble?: Vai’s a senior huntress, and knows her way around the business - she’s been a hunter all of her life, and her bowmanship is nigh unmatched.  If there’s a beast giving you trouble, call her up and let her know.  You’ll be more likely to snag a contract with her for a kill if the beast in question is harming the land or a threat to people around it - she doesn’t hunt for sport.

I know you: She spent many years in the resistance after losing her daughter - perhaps your character knows her. 

The Moonflower: She helps out at the restaurant sometimes - it’s easy enough to find her in the yard or inside, as it’s more of a home away from home than any other place.  

Open:  I’m open for plotting, always!  If you can think of anything, don’t be afraid to message me here or on discord!

Contact Information/About the player ––– 🌘

Discord: Ink#7154 - Discord is the best way to contact me! Timezone & Availability: Central standard time, USA - I’m usually on when I’m home, but I do have a 40+ hour a week job that I walk back and forth to, so I might be unavailable in-game sometimes.  However, you can usually always reach me on discord.   I roleplay quite a bit with my FC on Zalera if I’m not on Marlboro, so let us know if you’d like to tag along sometime! Preferences: Paragraph-style roleplay.  I tend to write lengthier posts (at least out-of-game), and also roleplay on discord, which is my preferred platform generally for more story-based roleplay. I love storyline-oriented roleplay, with all the good stuff like foreshadowing and nuance and symbolism. I prefer 18+ roleplayers OOCly - I’m just more comfortable that way.   Notes: 🌙 You can see my detailed OOC information right here! 🌙

[system-of-a-feather]

Advice for a singlet who’s the partner of the host of a system?

Okay so this is a way way delayed post due to certain situations in my life and university catching up on me making it so I didn’t really have a good moment to sit down and type this one out.

Having a relationship with DID-Singlet is one of the aspects we have some good experience with as our fiance (significant other of three years) is a singlet that is close to all of us. I would strongly recommend if you are interested in some of our talk / conversations / previous questions on relationships, that you should look down the “Relationship” tag on this blog as it would probably have a bit more than I will be able to summarize here.

My first main point of advice would be to take care of yourself and to try to establish healthy boundaries that work for both yourself and your system. It is important that you take care of your own mental state and your own safety before anything else because pent up emotions, one sided relationships, and lack of sense of security would be pretty quick to build up tension and cause a lot of issues, spoken or not. This is a point I would probably make to any relationship, and even more to any relationship with mental health issues involved with it.

In terms of DID, the person with DID has gone through childhood abuse and it is almost guaranteed that the host or an alter in their system has some form of insecure, avoidant, or disorganized attachment and issues with boundaries as they likely didn’t have good or proper examples of this growing up from their parents. It is important to have an understanding of what is appropriate, acceptable, and comfortable with both parties (and all alters individually since boundaries will be different from alter to alter, but also as a system as a whole).

Do remember that you are their partner, but you are not a professional therapist. There are things that might be too much for you to mentally handle and that is okay. It is a topic that can be hard to address with your partner, but if it comes to a point that things are really stressing you out, it is important to have an open conversation with them. Sometimes, this is most easily done through a neutral protector which can help make it more digestable for the host or other parts. With that being said, it is important to foster trust, communication, and understanding between parts.

I would STRONGLY recommend getting to know each alter and just trying to get to understand how each part interacts with one another, life, and the system. In a way, living as a system is constantly working as a team and some systems have this role / dynamic more organized than others, but knowing generally how each alter feels, acts, and what their main purposes are is important to understanding how to best communicate with the system as a whole.

Example, if my fiance is concerned about my sexual expression or is having issues on his end regarding it, Aderis is the alter most comfortable with the topics. She handles a lot of “gatekeeping” of trauma memories and topics. She knows a lot of the intimate issues that root a lot of our behaviors as a whole and she knows where a lot of the other alters in the system stand with being able to handle information and working on handlign their trauma. Knowing her dynamic with trauma, sexuality, and how she handles it, my fiance would know that mentioning those issues to her would be more effective than mentioning them directly to me as I have a tendency to shutdown either physically or mentally towards topics like those. 

It is important to give changes, decisions, and ideas time to pass around. Decision making for those with DID and OSDD can often take longer than those who do not have it as a lot of the time, it has to go through a “committee” to keep everyone on board and able to commit. Try to be patient and when you offer something, don’t get upset when they take time to decide.

Also, understand that while you might be dating the host, they share a body, life, and entity with others. Even if you might not directly be in a relationship with the other alters, they do play a part in your relationship with the host and they ARE NOT “extensions of the host” or any less of a “real person” than the host is. It would be disrespectful to do so.

Also, I saw this with another system friend and their singlet partner, but when you develop relationships with the alters and start to form trust, if an alter - ESPECIALLY a protector - mentions an issue or concern about the relationship or how you treat the host / another alter or something, you should trust that they know what they are talking about and respect it. Often times, hosts and more “vulnerable” alters experience issues in relationships but tend to shut down / struggle to mention it. It is very common for this stress to build up and to have it be passed off to a protector to mention it. They may mention it casually and might not make it sound serious, but often if there is a comment that “Hey you might want to do X or Y with host/alter more often” or “I dont think host/alter is comfortable with that” you should probably take those notes a bit more seriously

It is important to remember that while these alters are separated that they are all essentially parts of the person you are dating. These parts often know what is being felt in the system. The host might be your partner, but these alters are PART of your partner. You might know your partner very well, but these alters live with your partner, they are in the head of your partner, they can sometimes feel the emotions directly from your partner. Some have been with your partner from life. Respect that some of the alters might know your partner more intimately than you and respect their input about the relationship / dynamics if they mention it since, in a sense, it is your partner telling you it. Just because it is from another alter’s mouth doesn’t degrade it’s importance.

Also, there may be alters that are trying to sabotage the host or the relationship, so it is important to keep an eye out on that and to make sure if any of this seems to occur to have a genuine heart to heart conversation to try to understand what is going on. It is possible the host doesn’t know of it and it might not be related to what they feel, but it is important to know / understand.

And probably the last main detail is that you don’t have to be friends / get along with all the alters, but even if you don’t do try to respect their existence and try not to be mean or hostile or outwardly hate any of the alters as this will likely cause issues.

TLDR, communicate with your partner, the system as a whole, and the alters. Be understanding and respectful and try to foster a two way relationship built on mutual understanding and take care of yourself.

-Riku (Host)

[justlookfrightened]

Locked out, Part 43

Start from the beginning here:  Part 1

Read previous installment here: Part 42

**********************************

Eric’s last two weeks at work passed quickly.

He congratulated himself on the job he’d done as he monitored the Greenhouse’s members’ accounts and saw regular tweets (“You really want to Tweet at least once a day. No, that’s not too much. And you can set them up in advance.’) and Instagram posts that showed off the work they did. They were even using Facebook to better effect, and any accounts that had no activity for more than a couple of months had been taken down or made private. (“You really don’t want people to look up you account and see something with snow on the ground in the summer. They’ll either think you closed up and forgot the account, or that you your disorganized and don’t know how to do this. I know you’re all really busy, and none of you learned how to handle social media in school, but you’re supposed to make it look easy. Like a conversation. And you can’t have a conversation if you’re not saying anything.”)

His last few days were spent compiling analytics for each of the Greenhouse members he’d worked with, providing them to the members, and making one big report for James. He also scheduled Tweets for the two weeks after he left for the main Twitter account and a couple of Instagram posts a week for the first month.

“Are you ready to take control?” Eric asked, after outlining what he’d done on his last afternoon. “Feel free to take out some of my tweets and substitute your own, or just add your own in if you have news to share. Be ready to pick up where I left off -- even make some early and schedule them.”

“I think so,” James said. “Just keep tweeting, right?”

“Well, yes,” Eric said. “As long as the tweets communicate the mission of the Greenhouse in a professional but fun way. No misspellings, be nice, you know.”

“I do,” James said. “And I have to say I’ve been very pleased with your work here this summer. I don’t know that we’ll be in a position to hire someone full-time for communications when you graduate, but if we could, I’d hire you in a heartbeat.”

“Well, thanks,” Eric said. “I’m glad I could help. You have people here doing some really interesting things, and if I could help them get the attention they needed, that’s good. I suppose that means I can count on you as reference?”

“Absolutely,” James said. “I also wanted to ask if you might be available for a few hours at a time during the school year. We’d be happy to see you, of course, but maybe you could do some work remotely.”

“I don’t really know if I can,” Eric said. “I’ll have my thesis to do, and I don’t even have a topic yet, and I’m captain of the team this year, and I have no idea what I’m doing when I graduate.”

It also could cut into his baking time, and his Jack time. Then again, it could make it easier to explain trips to Providence.

“But the money would be nice,” he amended. “If I can work it around my schedule.”

“Of course,” James said. “You’re coming to the pub tomorrow, right? The rest of the staff wants to give you a little send-off.”

“Oh, uh, of course,” Eric said. He’d been hoping to have the evening to spend alone with Jack, because by Saturday night they would be in Montreal (in a totally different country), in Jack’s parents house, and no matter how much Jack said his parents were fine with it, Eric couldn’t imagine getting up to anything while Jack’s parents slept down the hall. It was fine. He could leave around seven, say he had dinner plans. It wouldn’t do to blow off people he might still be working with.

“And one last thing,” James said. “I’d be pleased if you would come to dinner with me, to thank you for all the hard work you’ve put in.”

“I can’t,” Eric said. “I have dinner plans tomorrow night. With the people I skate with.”

“I suppose I can’t compete with professional athletes,” James said. “But what about  tonight? We’re just about to wrap up here. We could get a drink and make it an early dinner.”

Well, fuck. That sounded like a date. But it couldn’t be. James was in his 30s, Eric was nearly positive. And he just invited Eric to keep working for him. Crap. Would the offer still be open if Eric said no?

“I can’t,” Eric said.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” James said, clearly reading Eric’s expression. “Just an evening with a coworker.”

But James wasn’t his coworker. He was his boss, and Eric was starting to wonder how many people were left in the office.

“No, it’s just, I’ve been helping my landlady with her baking and I promised her that I’d show her how to make a pie crust tonight,” Eric improvised. “I’m leaving on the weekend, so it’s really her last chance to get it right. No hard feelings?”

“Well, I know I can’t compete with baking, either,” James said, giving a small smile. “Of course, no hard feelings. I’ll email you about work you can do from Samwell, alright.”

“Thanks,” Eric said. “And thanks for the opportunity this summer. It’s been a real learning experience.”

********************************

Tagging:   @thehockeyhaus @cow-mow@communistchexmix@falling-out-girl  @whatnowpunk@wikihowpunk@zimboniiiiii@butterflyimportantstuff@ladyaulis@delicatelycrispyblizzard@cyn2k @eyesforeverwithpride @bookbelle494@herecauseoftheweirdo@paintedbilardo@labelleizzy @futuremrsellenpage @actually-old @thetimetravellercat

Read the next installment: Part 44

[positivecomet]

Let me take a minute to talk about Eddie Diaz. Specifically in relation to his breakdown we saw on this week’s episode. Fair warning—it’s a long one. Also, be aware that this post discusses canon mental health issues. I tried to include TW in the tags, but keep yourselves safe.

First, you might want to read my previous meta about Buck’s behavior in 5x11. I won’t be talking about Parts Work Therapy in this post, but it might be helpful for context when it comes to my ideas about the show.

I wasn’t sure I was going to write this one, because it’s weirdly more personal than discussing Buck’s behavior, even though I identify much more with Buck. So, bear with me through this personal context stuff and then we’ll get to where I think Eddie might be going the rest of this season into next.

I once had my own Eddie Diaz Breakdown spiral—it’s what drove me to seek out therapy again (and it had not been very helpful years prior). It’s probably not surprising that when I first started with my new therapist, we didn’t dive right into Parts Work. I was still trying to get the lay of my mental landscape, and it took me over a year of sessions to be able to discuss some of my traumas with my therapist without being defensive or dismissive.

One of the very first things my therapist told me was that I was eerily good at compartmentalization. She noted that when discussing traumas, I tended to do so clinically, as if they happened to someone else. “Well, it was a long time ago,” I’d remind her, “I’m way past that.” Looking back, some of my other top hits were “I just never think about my childhood” and “I don’t want to actually be dead, so when bad shit happens, I just get over it and move on. There’s no other choice, right?”

Lol.

Because of who I am as a human, we decided that it would be helpful to visualize my inner world as an infinite bookshelf, shelves full of differently sized boxes. Each of these boxes holds a core experience or maybe even several experiences that make me who I am. Most of the time, I can just throw something in a box and leave it there. But eventually, that bad shit that happened? It starts rattling the box you put it in. Healthy, well-adjusted people will just take that box down off the shelf; they might not even have to open it. Just holding it and thinking about the event and letting themselves feel it is enough to quiet it down.

For a long time, anything rattling on my brain bookshelf just got ignored. But then more and more stuff started making noise. By the time I realized that what used to work to keep that shit at bay wasn’t working, the boxes had leaped off the shelf and crashed to the floor, leaving a shattered, disorganized mess at my feet. And friends, one of the boxes that had been rattling the longest held every queer aspect of myself. Repression and internalized homophobia, babayyyyyyyy.

SO. The reason we’re all here—our beloved Edmundo Diaz. (Man, I just got walloped by the image of him lying awake at night, like, BRO your boxes are rattling super loud there, my dude, my guy, look how much energy are you expending trying to ignore them????)

I imagine that when Frank asked Eddie to reach out to someone related to his trauma, he was attempting to give Eddie an incentive and a safe space to take that very specific trauma off the shelf—what he experienced during his service. Frank is smart and he knows that Eddie isn’t even CLOSE to being in a place where he can do that with Frank. But a trusted comrade? Sure, absolutely. Also, this was me as soon as Frank mentioned a box blowing open in-session:

But I don’t think anyone (especially not Eddie) really understood how close these boxes were to the ledge. But based on my own breakdown moment, I feel like when he hung up the phone, there was one extreme moment of clarity: Lock the door. I locked myself in my bathroom, protecting myself from being seen and my spouse from seeing, because I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew it was going to be loud and shocking and Very Not Good. I really honestly believe Eddie also had this clarity moment. Protect Chris. Be a good dad. Lock the door.

And I think it’s really important to note that the punching holes in the walls and baseball bat bust-up were not the breakdown. That was the prologue. Because Eddie was still trying to cope the best way he knew how, which is to use his physical pain as a replacement for emotional pain. When he said to Frank, “An old drill sergeant of mine used to say that pain is nothing but weakness leaving the body,” I just knew that was probably something that Eddie heard once and then built into his foundation. If his childhood taught him that emotions were weakness and weakness is the source of pain, then being in pain means that emotions are under control, right?

No, the breakdown is what Buck sees when he hits the floor next to Eddie. It’s the change in Eddie’s voice as he repeats one phrase over and over—“They’re all dead.”—angry, still clinging to the protection it gives him—"They’re all dead. They’re all dead.”—quiet, quick, almost disbelieving—"They’re. All. Dead.”—slower, with more emphasis and finality. Acceptance. Maintaining eye contact with Buck the whole time because boy howdy, this show wants to put me in the ground.

Then the dining room. This is after the initial shock of having his boxes explode. He’s still in the breakdown, but he can look at the mess a little more closely. Why? Because he has ceded control to Buck. He doesn’t have to worry about Chris; the door is off the hinges; Buck is In the Room. And I know we’ve all been repeating it, but Buck is literally in the mess with him, in the baseball bat wreckage and in Eddie’s brain.

Eddie sits at the table and knocks his hands against his face, a halfhearted attempt to self-soothe in the destructive way he’s used to. Buck redirects him with words. Eddie lists his friends’ deaths, picking up and putting down different aspects of his trauma. Buck is gentle, thoughtful, taking him as seriously as he would if Eddie were fully in his right mind. The little things that he’s able to articulate in this moment? It’s because he knows, without a doubt, Buck has him. And can I just say how outstanding it is that Buck begins this conversation by making himself vulnerable first?: “…he’s still scared out of his mind. He’s not the only one.” To me, this is an echo of “You don’t have to pretend with me.” Buck, whose mask helps him navigate almost every other relationship in his life, comes to the table and immediately takes the mask off. No more pretending; no more lies.

Moving forward, I think it’s going to be a lot easier for Eddie to have these conversations with Buck. The door’s already broken. The mess is already made. And there’s nothing like having someone prove they can handle you at your very worst that makes it a lot less scary to ask them to spot you while you do the heavy emotional work. Buck has his back.

One last thing to note. There are a lot of wonderful metas out there breaking down Eddie’s repression and sexuality, so I won’t do that here. But I do just want to say that once your shit is on the floor and you have to do the work of boxing it all back up, there are certain things you aren’t able to ignore anymore. That’s how I came to terms with my sexuality and then, later on, gender identity; taking ownership of who you are is a process. If we don’t see Buddie go canon this season, I won’t be surprised (or upset), because there’s a lot of shit on Eddie’s brain floor right now. But I think we can all see just how important it is that Buck and Eddie are figuring out this trauma together and working toward a better, stronger relationship.

Anyway. The healing is coming, friends!

[compan-heiro-blog]

I have one Rule! Be nice to me out of character! That’s it! No further reading required!

The following aren’t really rules, it’s just information about how this blog will be run.

Shy Mun Note

I am warning you that I am a very shy person out of character. I might not always want to speak or reply to things. It’s nothing against you, I’m just very nervous. Too much talking will scare me out of my own account! I can also be very forgetful about replying to things.

Blog Content Warning

There will be dark themes, including but not limited to mental health problems, abuse and drug use. I don’t consistently tag triggers. I’ve learned through previous experiences that I am very forgetful with tagging and my forgetfulness causes people problems. If you have any serious trigger it’s better for you to stay safe and not follow. I try not to follow anyone who requests triggers being tagged in their rules because I know I will probably forget.

NSFW stuff is going to be on the nsfw side blog but this blog still isn’t something I consider family friendly.

No Drama

I don’t like Tumblr drama. I will unfollow if someone posts too many call-out posts and stuff like that. None of that is what I’m here for. I’m here to RP. I’m not keeping track of people who do bad stuff and I don’t have any interest in keeping up with those things. I will write with people who’s viewpoints and opinions I don’t agree with. The beliefs of the people I rp with do not reflect my own.

Exclusive Single-Ship

Don’t ship with me! I don’t multi-ship and Nestor is currently dating Fethry.

Following/Unfollowing

If I’m following you then that means I think you’re neat and I do have interest in rping with you. Anyone I’m following is always welcome to make a random starter for me or appear in my ask box or anything.

I will RP with people I don’t follow, but I also won’t RP with any and everyone. Not RPing with someone doesn’t mean I dislike them. Some people my writing style doesn’t mesh with well and it frustrates me because sometimes there are people I do genuinely want to RP with but I just never seem to be able to come up with good replies for them.

If I unfollow someone that doesn’t mean I dislike them. I unfollow for all kinds of silly reasons. For example, I can be highly anxcious and sometimes my anxiety gets set off over dumb things, so I have to unfollow for my own sake.

Extra Stuff

My intent is for this blog to be kind of casual and my activity will likely be very inconsistent. Sometimes I’ll reply a bunch and really fast, sometimes I’ll be quiet for days. Sometimes I will only be replying to certain threads, this doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you or I dislike you. There are a lot of reasons I have an easier time writing the threads I’m replying to (like I know the person I’m writing with really well or I have a lot of muse for the rp etc) I will sometimes drop threads because I’ve lost interest. You can always just start another one! Sometimes I do just lose track of threads too. I’m forgetful and disorganized. If this bothers you a lot then I’m not the blog for you.

Mun and muse are not same. I don’t agree with everything Nestor says and thinks. We’re both very different from each other.

I do not know Portuguese so I am relying on google translate. I’ll have an English translation of what I was attempting to say with the post. You’re going to have to forgive me for Portuguese dialog being incorrect, unnatural, etc. If you could just pretend it’s acceptable and sounds like something from a native speaker that’d be cool… It just feels so wrong not to have him speak any Portuguese and this is the best I can do. Apologies.

Bonus Info

Now here’s a section I’m adding because it seems like these things kind of stress people out sometimes and I want you to understand you don’t need to be worried about this.

THESE THINGS DO NOT BOTHER ME EVEN SLIGHTLY:

Late or slow RP replies

Extremely short replies. If you give me one sentence after I wrote you multiple paragraphs then it’s ok! I know I get wordy sometimes. You never have to match me!

Threads with no icons. Heck I love not having to stress about icons I love no icon threads.

People dropping threads and starting new ones. You don’t need to tell me if you dropped a thread.

Less than ideal spelling or grammar. Just as long as I understand it’s cool.

Thank you for reading!

[eternityengine]

okay so I wrote a “review” (really just my thoughts in a disorganized way) of Sonic Forces about a year and a half ago and never got around to posting it, but I still have it so I’m posting it now because I have opinions

Main Game

Green Hill. Again. Argh. I mean at least they tried to change it up a little by throwing sand over it but that didn't really make any sense. (sega plz)

Look, I like Chemical Plant alright (for some godforsaken reason), but it's already been in Gens and Mania. Just give us Mystic Cave Zone or Mushroom Zone or something! Hell, use both! We could have Mushroom Zone instead of Green Hill Zone!

I gotta say the goop waterfalls in Network Terminal are really flow-breaking, you just come to a dead stop if you touch them and have to stop half the time to avoid hitting them, and you can't reliably avoid them very well. You can't even boost through them!

Luminous Forest is pretty and all but uuuuuggghhhhh casino levels suck

Infinite is delightfully edgy and I thoroughly enjoyed him, but they didn't utilize him very well.

Infinite's battle themes reflect his boss battle quality!

First battle: total banger of a song, pretty good boss fight (runnin’ on a SNAKE)

Second battle: excellent song, decent boss fight (best use of his nightmare zone powers, at least in the first half)

Third battle: okay song, boring reskin of the Metal Sonic boss fight

Why did they not give us a Chaos boss fight :( lame

Also why did Infinite use Chaos 0 instead of literally any other version, all of which are stronger? Like, would Perfect Chaos use too much energy or something?? He made giant snake versions of himself just fine...

Actually, why couldn't those have been Chaos??

Metal Sonic fight was okay but way too similar to Silver's in Gens

Also why is Metal Sonic a copy?? Just use actual Metal, come on, Eggman

There was no resolution to Infinite's plot and I am disappoint

Why does Infinite just flip the Avatar around with the Phantom Ruby in Metropolis? I feel like he should be at least shooting cubes at you or something instead of just occasionally passing by to frick with your gravity in suspiciously convenient ways

If Sonic was tortured for six months why is there no indication of this? He doesn't look or act any different than usual. Even without being tortured (as in the JP script), he should at least have some ill effects from being imprisoned for half a year.

I'm okay with Knuckles being the commander of the Resistance but who thought it was a good idea to let him come up with strategies? He's mostly a traps and punching guy on that front. I realize Tails was gone and all but I feel like most of the other characters could have strategized better.

Classic Sonic does basically nothing of note and has the worst levels and gameplay. Why is he even here if they weren't going to use him properly?

Caveat: I'm mostly going off of other people's statements re: his gameplay, I suck at Classic games overall and would probably dislike his levels regardless

Why does destroying the Phantom Ruby send Classic back to his dimension? I wouldn't think the Ruby would need to actively hold him there...

First of all, I feel like Tails should have been able to fix Omega. Secondly, why did they leave him there for six months?? Thirdly, HOW DID HE GET FIXED????? (Loved that he was here, though.)

I want to see the fight between Silver and Infinite, it was probably super awesome

Okay, so I can kind of excuse the giant snake given the giant worms of Lost Hex, but why would it try to eat Sonic. He'd be a tiny snack. What does it even normally eat? Other giant snakes?? (Is it an illusion??)

Why are both of Classic Sonic's boss fights just bomb tennis

Why is the final boss called a Death Egg Robot? The only similarities are in the first form's head (when protracted) and its primary (shoulder) arms. The rest is tentacle snake nonsense. And the second form is a straight-up tentacle robot, and somewhat similar to the Nega-Wisp Armour. And it's not even on the Death Egg!

Final boss was really ominous though, I liked it. First, dramatic orchestral music. Then, it murders you repeatedly by barely telegraphing its attacks to a first-timer. (Stop killing the floor!!) Then you "beat" it and a chestburster tentacle robot explodes out and dumps you in null space. The actual tentacle bot fight was kind of a letdown though, it was basically just the Nega Wisp Armour from Colours instead of something new... (also I was bad at timing my laser dodges so some salt there)

How is Classic Sonic doing Homing Attacks in the Death Egg Robot's third phase? He literally can't do them yet, wtf. (I choose to believe Modern Sonic and/or the Avatar is throwing him at it :P)

The water slides in Aqua Road are neat and fun the first few times, but when you're trying to S-rank the level they are such a pain. The RNG with the Motobug bouncing is the woooooorst. (Getting unavoidably knocked into spike balls sucks.)

Also why were a) spike balls there to begin with, it's enough of a challenge not falling out, and b) the spike balls moving slower than everything else in the slides? And then slow you down to their speed if you hit them, so when your invincibility runs out you're still glued to them and die?

Avatar gameplay is really fun, but I'm not a fan of how many automatic grapple points there are. Just let me do it!! It's not hard!!!! (Plus some of them are really unnecessary)

No boss fight with fake Shadow either, but that's less disappointing than Chaos for whatever reason (maybe because he's around more?)

Gotta say though I liked a much larger portion of the music in this game than usual, it's really good

However, the music for Classic's Green Hill stage is screechy garbage.

A good chunk of the stuff conveyed with the overworld dialogue would have been better presented as actual cutscenes (esp. the ones that use sound effects :/)

There is literally an area called "City" are you freaking kidding me

Okay, so Eggman decides to drop the sun on the Resistance...but he's also there?? I assume he's like, just not included in the illusion and is just laughing at their stupid faces, but it would have been nice to have some indication of that.

Why even make Zavok copies?? He sucks and no one likes him. Also he's kind of part of a set, where are the other Zeti copies?

I realize this is a video game, but why does Infinite make such easily dodgeable cube obstacles/attacks? "Ah yes let me make some long rectangles with big gaps to go through at each end, this will never fail"

I would like to thank Sonic Team for not making Imperial Tower a timed mission, that shit was hard enough as it is

I would also like to thank Sonic Team for making Imperial Tower so easy to cheese with Hover Wispons

I really wish the Null Space level had more...Null Space. You're in it for like 30 seconds, and it's a waste of a really pretty level design. AND it's just a straight shot that's 80% Double Boost.

Why is Double Boost a thing? The Avatar is just some random civilian, they shouldn't have weird team-up super speed powers.

I love that basically all of Sonic's friends are here doing stuff again, it is glorious. (Even though they were kind of epic fails until the Avatar joined/they got Sonic back...)

However, it would have been nice to see them occasionally doing stuff in the levels (like beating up robots in the background or something), rather than just in cutscenes.

Classic Sonic doesn't get an Infinite fight. :(

Which is weird, since he's the only playable character with Phantom Ruby experience/story.

In Final Judgement, the radio chatter includes them going "so this is where Eggman built Infinite" and...there are several things wrong with that. First of all, "built"? He's organic, it would be better to say something like "created" - even putting aside that that would be more metaphorical, as Eggman didn't straight-up create Infinite the person, just his current identity (not that they have any reason to know that - but they have no reason to think he made him either). Secondly, how are they coming to this conclusion? There's no tubes or assembly machines around until the end tubes with Phantom Ruby prototypes(?) in them, and those are part of the reactor. Plus an early cutscene has Infinite in a tube in a completely different area, though it could have been contained in the same superstructure. I mean I guess you could argue that the level looks like a factory?? Thirdly, how can they even see inside? They're not there.

Episode Shadow

Why is this so goddamn short. Only three levels? Really??

Why is the last cutscene just the first one from the main game?? They should be explaining where tf Shadow's been during the main game! So lazy.

Aqua Road is like 80% waterslides whyyyyyy

Infinite is really bad at getting revenge, holy shit. He just...illusions him for a bit until he gets away?? With some cube attacks tbf but STILL...

Also this shit never comes up in the main game why exactly? (I know the answer is probably they came up with this later like FOOLS, but argh)

ALSO also why do Infinite's attacks not send Shadow into the nightmare realm like they do in the main game?

Why do they go to such lengths to hide Infinite's face if they just straight up show it in his comic??

Honestly the way Shadow treats Infinite in this feels kinda out of character. I feel like he wouldn't be quite that harsh. (Definitely in character if it was Boom!Shadow, though...)

I am disappointed that Shadow is just a Sonic reskin. Let me use Chaos Spear! >:(

Also disappointed that Shadow can only be played on Modern Sonic stages; why not also Tag stages??

Misc

Infinite's theme is hilariously edgy and I love it (could do without the rap tho)

Kinda disappointed that this game has no fancy CGI cutscenes. I always look forward to those...

I think they had way too much nostalgia-baiting in this game. Classic Sonic, four previous Sonic villains (mostly Chaos and Metal Sonic though), Death Egg Robots, Green Hill and Chemical Plant and Death Egg...it just smacks of desperation. Not sure if it's "Generations was popular let's do that again" or just general trying to get fans back, but it's silly. You expect this sort of thing for Generations bc it was an anniversary game, but this one decidedly isn't and it feels like they're grasping at straws trying to get/keep players.

Also this is a Modern Sonic game, why is 50% of the content not playing him. Why is Classic even heeeeeeere

[lefthandactivist]

Wow okay I need to write something a little more upbeat after those couple of posts. How about we look at some personality quizzes? (because why not)

I’ve looked at quite a few personality tests before; I don’t know what about them grabs me. Although looking at my previous posts, it’s probably not all that surprising. Anyways:

Lets start with this one. According to Pottermore, I am a Ravenclaw. Also my patronus is apparently a Pine Marten. When I first took this quiz, I didn’t quite agree with my sorting. Honestly I didn’t think I was smart enough to be a Ravenclaw. Later I realized that I was a huge nerd and that would probably work out fine for me. Also I’m not brave enough to be Gryffindor, Don’t have enough ambition for Slytherin, and while Hufflepuff is supposedly the catch-all, they seem a lot calmer (*cough* stoned *cough*) than I’d ever be. I’ve heard there is some level of randomness to what house you get sorted to, though. Also I’ve never heard of a Pine Marten before, but they’re pretty cute so I guess that’s fine (Lets be real, though; my Patronus is an axolotl).

Meyers-Briggs Is likely the most popular personality test out there (and is the first result when you just google for some). The quiz assigns you four letters, each out of a pair of options, depending on your answers. I’ve heard others talk about their scores changing over time for this one and others, but each time I’ve taken it, I’ve received INFP - Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Effectively, this is saying I keep to myself (yes), Use intuition or thought to discover truth (fair), make decisions emotionally (okay), and improvise rather than plan ahead (sure). Some sites will go further to describe what each of these 16 personality types are effective at and what kind of relationships they should seek out, but that typically gets into fortune-telling territory - generalized statements that are hard to disagree with because they are so vague. There has been some criticism on the structure of the Meyers-Briggs over time, that it wasn’t as Psychologically rigorous as it should be.

Which is why the OCEAN exists. A team of Psychologists took a lot of data on what questions tend to separate people the best and what personality traits had the strongest effect on the general behavior of a person. The OCEAN, or big five project, is the result of these studies, and ranks by percentage five different traits. My results here are Open-minded-93 (relating to exploration of new ideas and creativity), Conscientious-8 (Disorganized, Forgetfulness or neglectfulness), Extroversion-16 (Reserved, Quiet), Agreeable-71 (this one varies the most for me, but is >50, meaning I tend towards good-natured and courteousness), and “Negative emotionality”-94 (sometimes called Neurotic, relates to anxiety and nervousness). The main differences here seem to be less focus on a input-to-decision process and more on separate factors for behavior. 

But these quizzes still aren’t telling me much I didn’t already know. Like, duh I’m Introverted I’ve known that for years. Maybe since I already think about these things regularly, the tests aren’t as useful to me. Or maybe taking Internet quizzes isn’t the best way to learn about yourself.

There’s a family of story personality tests that typically ask you to decide which character(s) were in the right. These can help get a more nuanced feel for how you react to blame and moral ambiguity. Most of these Involve a bridge over a river and two lovers on either side, so use those keywords if you want to find some examples. Sharing your results for these ones tend towards large arguments, but what I got out of my experience with them is a focus on forgiveness and careful thinking.

The last test I want to talk about is a bit different. Strength finder tests have been around for quite a while, and if your public education was anything like mine, you’ve probably taken a couple of similar tests to help you find a career path. The most popular of these tests is the Gallup test that unfortunately has a price-tag to completion. I had a book around with a code in it, but if your curious I would suggest looking into it. The test in question gives you your top 5 of 34 strengths based on your answers, with the idea that all people show some signs of any of these strengths, but have more affinity with some (for example, no organizational-related terms were in my top 5).

Here are my top five: Input - focus on collection (things or ideas), finding a wide variety of topics or things interesting. Ideation - fascination of ideas, connections, deeper understanding. Looking at things in new ways to learn more. Intellection - focus on thought, on exercising the brain, and on introspection. Always thinking. Learner - focus on learning, not necessarily in a specific direction. the process itself is important. Restorative - problem solving, fixing things. Joy specifically in saving the thing in question.

So obviously there’s a lot there. some of these have had strong prominence in my other writings, and reading through them is a lot of “well, yeah” moments. What got me was stepping back and seeing these five as a unit. It’s a process: Input, connect, learn, think, fix. It’s a mental program that I’ve been running for a while and only think about when it’s put so blatantly. Other people may not do this so consistently, so immediately. And what was missing got me, too. Gallup describes 4 Domains: Thinking, Influencing, Executing, and Relationship building. my top 4 all fall into thinking, with my fifth sitting in Executing. No better way to make yourself feel like an automaton than seeing it laid out like that.

So why do I like these tests? Why come back to them if most of the time they don’t teach me anything? Because sometimes they do. Sometimes I find something new about myself. It’s the same reason I’ve taken other tests and quizzes, and later disregarded their accuracy. Back in high school, I took tests about mental health. In junior high, I took quizzes about sexuality. And now I take them on anything, but only listen if they’re helpful. The next most important thing that these top five don’t describe is my refocusing agent, my recycle bin emptier, my anti-power to the hording suggested by Input. 

My ego? Maybe. Maybe it’s just number 6. I haven’t paid the 70 bucks to find out.

[quietlydrowning]

•30 Facts About Me•

Tagged by @purpleeggsalad ! Thanks for the tag! <3 O7O

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 30 people!

Oh lordy here we go~

•Name: Beatriz

•Nickname: Bea, Bee, B-Boy Ace (inside joke lmfao), Mom


•Gender: female


•Star Sign: Taurus


•Height: 5′4″


•Current Time: 1:19 AM


•Birthday: April 21


•Favorite Band:  I tend to fluctuate haha, I have way too many. I tend to lean a lot on Pomplamoose, Maroon 5, FUN, One Republic, and Imagine Dragons~


•Favorite Solo Artist: Melanie Martinez
•

Song Currently Stuck In Head: Waving Through the Window from the Dear Evan Hansen OST


•Last Movie I Watched: Despicable Me 3 (LMAO IT WAS REALLY GOOD)

•Last Show I Watched: SENSE 8. IT’S SO GOOD. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE CANCELLED.

•When Did I Create My Blog: I made it maybe around January? March? I don’t really remember. This isn’t my first Tumblr Account. My original is like 6 years old my goodness. I decided to make a new one because I wanted to start fresh and with a new email address.


•What Do I Post: I don’t really have a set thing. My blog is very disorganized. Usually, I post whatever I’m obsessed with currently, so lately that involves a lot of Sense 8, Killing Stalking, The Saga of Darren Shan, and Steven Universe. I also reblog the aesthetic anime gifs cuz I’m a slut to good animation. Also, memes. and stupid videos that i send to my friends. 

•Last Thing I Googled: “Filipino ground beef recipes”..... I’m having company over and want to cook something with the ingredients we have lmao


•Do You Have Other Blogs: Not on this account, no. On my previous account, I had 3 maybe 4 side blogs? I don’t remember and they’re all inactive lmao

•Do You Get Asks: This is my first one!! It makes me feel special q7q <3


•Why Did You Choose This Blog Name: I created this tumblr because, well, it’s a good  for me to scream into the void about feelings™ and stuff™ without people in the real world really finding out. So ahhhh, I guess it’s my way of venting and being emo when I need to get things out. Also, I was pleasantly surprised that the username wasn’t already taken.

•How Many Blogs Do You Follow: 331

•Followers: 19 lmfao, I don’t particularly mind tho haha •Favorite Colors: Yellow! •Average Amount of Sleep: During the summer, around 8-9. During the school year, about 5-6? •Lucky Number: 21!

•Instruments I Play: Violin, Viola, Ukulele, Ocarina, a tiiiny bit of Piano! I love instruments haha •What I’m Wearing: Pajamas~

•How Many Blankets I Sleep With: I don’t really use blankets lmao, I pile ten pillows on myself so that I am swathed in comfort •Dream Job: Who knows anymore haha. I wanted to become an artist 2 years ago, and now I don’t really know. Psychology seems cool tho •Dream Trip: Literally anywhere. I want to travel the world •Favorite Food: Cheesecake, Sinigang •Nationality: Filipino (I was born in the Philippines, but I live in Amerca!) •Current Favorite Song: Issues by Julia Michaels

Ahhhhhhhh so I don’t really have 30 people to tag since im awkward™ but if you see this and want to give it a go, please do! (and tag me in it because I’d love to get to know more people! <3)  ((also, don’t feel pressured to do it! have a good day!) @allgoodinthebluehood @aquariansarehumanitarians @pensomolto @faeriequeenwendla @sammithegreatandmystical