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emberfrostlovesloki · 11 months

Text

Talent [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@lavendair) Center (@hotchs-big-hands) Right (@muresetivoire)

Prompt: An inebriated Aaron finds out that the readers has a hidden talent and they offer to show him it later. When they get back to his apartment, more sober, Aaron apologizes, feeling awkward for getting them into this situation. They (the reader) honestly asks Hotch if he would let them do it anyway?

Pairing: Hotch x gender neutral reader. The reader uses they/them/their pronouns

Catagory: Hurt/comfort/smut

Word Count: 6.8K

A/N: Content warnings below the cut. This is a NSFW story. Minors DNI. 18+ only readers for this one. Please respect this boundary. A few things here so please bare with me. This was inspired by a little conversation between @softhairedhotch and @hotchs-big-hands That conversation can be found here (link)

I loved the idea and I got this wrote this. As usual, my writing got a bit more somber than I expected. Maybe that’s just my style idk? One last thing before you can actually read this thing, I insinuate that Hailey cheated on Hotch later in their marriage. I think this is an assumption the show makes, but never explicitly states. I don’t mean to slander Hailey in any way. I think she’s lovely and loved Aaron to the best of her ability. I did this mostly to make Hotch have self-doubt. I stan Hailey in my house. Lastly, this is only my third time posting smut, so forgive me it it’s not perfect. If you enjoy this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I hope y’all have a good evening - Levi.

Content Warnings: Sex (slight hand job and blowjob [Hotch receiving]), slight size kink, sex and body doubt (Hotch), Foyet and the stabbing incident mentioned (mentioned that the attack was possibly psycho-sexual), blood, reference to a gag reflex, drinking (the team gets pretty intoxicated), sex life mentioned (reader and Hotch), Aaron is touch starved, cheating mentioned (Hailey). If I missed any, please let me know.

List will all stories

y/n = your name

y/c/h = your color hair

y/f/a = your favorite actor/actress

h/l = hair length

h/c = hair color - aka brown hair, black hair, blue hair ect.

d/h = dominant hand

Hotch nearly choked on his sip of beer. He tried to hide his coughs by putting his arm over his mouth. He had certainly not expected to hear Penelope, who was seated on Rossi’s rug with many other members of the team to say, “But you know I might have thrown up because the milk was expired, but y/n wouldn’t because they don’t have a gag reflex.” Aaron watched as y/n’s face turned crimson. y/n moved over to Garcia and jokingly shook their friend saying, “Pen, why would you talk about my sex life like that? You see, this is why you can never, ever meet my parents even though you keep asking. We’ll have, like, two drinks and then you’ll start talking about what position I like best.”

Upon hearing this, Aaron couldn’t take it anymore. He moved from the living room to the kitchen. He was trying very hard not to think about y/n in an array of sexual positions and acts, but he was failing. He was also trying to remember why the team had moved from the couches to the floor. A comment of Spencer's about the rug being comfortable and warm next to the fireplace that was roaring in the center of Dave’s living room might have been the reason. It was all a blur really. They were all drunk at this point. The team didn’t normally do this when they were together, but it was Friendsgiving and the last few cases had been relatively easy by their standards.

The team had a few days off, and shockingly they were all going to be in town, so Rossi had invited them all over to celebrate Thanksgiving as a unit. Everyone had brought something and it was nice to just relax and be together. His intoxicated brain circled back to the rug and to the topic of sex and he thought, ‘Oh god, no, no, no,’ but against his conscious brain he began to picture himself having sex with y/n on that soft shagged carpet. In his mind their back was arched, and they were panting as he thrust deeply into them. Aaron was startlingly pulled from his fantasy when his name was called. He looked up and flushed further. It was y/n leaning against the marble countertop. To his credit, y/n also had a flush to their face, and they asked, “What’s got you so flustered over there Mr. Hotchner.” Aaron tried to come up with an excuse, and he opened his mouth, but his brain couldn’t supply a reply, so he just closed his mouth. More mortified now than he may have ever been in front of a member of his team.

y/n walked closer to him, and they placed their hands on the edge of the counter. y/n leaned back on their strong arms which could be perceived in a sensual way. Hotch swallowed, and y/n looked him over. They noticed the bulge in Aaron’s well-fitted black trousers, but they averted their eyes quickly for his dignity, so that they didn’t start getting wild ideas. y/n was grateful that Hotch was a little too disheveled to have noticed them checking out his groin. Finally, after an awkward silence, y/n asked openly, drunkenly, “It’s not what Garcia said earlier that has you so riled up, is it?” There was that small undercurrent of desire in y/n’s voice that had Aaron feel a flash of heat rush through him again.

Hotch wouldn’t have to answer. His blown-out pupils, arousal, and micro-expressions were enough to tell y/n what they wanted to know. Even drunk this was obvious to them. Aaron gave a small nod, yes, anyway. y/n let out a small laugh before saying, “We see such horrible things in the field and my sexual abilities are what's causing your brain to reboot?” They were teasing him, and Hotch couldn’t help but say, “Well this isn’t the field.” He moved toward y/n and placed his hand on their hip. y/n’s exhalation of breath and flush of their skin told Aaron that the touch wasn’t unwanted. He’d never initiated anything romantic or sexual with y/n.

The small part of his brain that was still functioning normally was screaming at him to stop. That he might regret this when he was sober. But his id was stronger than that voice. As his other hand moved to y/n’s other hip, he looked down at them. y/n’s eyes were wide and shining with a type of desire he’d never seen on their face before. _y/n_ breathily said his name; “Aaron.” Without much more to think about he asked, “Is what Garcia said true? Or is she just making stuff up again?” y/n flushed and acted askance and replied, “Why Hotch, that’s not a nice thing to ask someone.” Aaron bit back a sigh and applied gentle pressure to _y/n_’s hips. Their body moved with his touch and y/n truthful answered, “It is true though. It’s my hidden talent that’s rarely used.” y/n looked up at Hotch and the desire, the hunger they saw on his face left them reeling for a second. They knew this was crossing a hundred lines, but in that moment the very feeling of his hands on their body was such a rush that they didn’t fight it. The idea of Aaron’s large hands elsewhere had them boldly state, “I can show you later on if you let me come to your apartment?”

That image actually made Hotch groan. It was quiet, and Aaron was eternally grateful that no one on the team had come in yet to refresh their drinks. Maybe they had all assumed what y/n and he were discussing and were intentionally not entering the room. Aaron asked, surprised at y/n’s offer and their willingness to accept, “You’d do that for me?” There was that soft throaty laugh again, and y/n said, “Of course I would Hotch.” Aaron swallowed again and replied, “Okay. But only if you really want to. You don’t have to do anything for me like that if you don’t want to.” y/n moved their hand, patted his shoulder, and said, “I promise that you will get enthusiastic consent from me before it happens. And if either of us changes our minds, we can pretend this little conversation never happened.

After this, they headed back to the living room. If the team had been intentionally avoiding them, they hid it well. The members of the BAU seemed to be engrossed watching Spencer speed-read Rossi’s well-worn copy of Critique of Pure Reason by Kant. As y/n sat back down next to Emily, they whispered, “Why are we watching Spence read?” Emily listed slightly toward y/n and said, “We’re going to have Rossi test him on the concepts of the book. Or see if the genius can remember some especially long passages. We want to see how much he can remember when he’s this drunk.” y/n chuckled at the concept. They were now also invested.

An hour and a half later the team slowly started saying their goodbyes. At this stage, y/n and Aaron were more in control of their faculties. They were the third party to leave, and they both shared an Uber back to Hotch’s apartment. Because neither of them knew how much they would be drinking that night, they had shared a ride over to Rossi’s together. y/n only lived two blocks over and Aaron promised to walk them the rest of the way home. On the short ride back, y/n and Hotch both gained more clarity, and Aaron was starting to feel uncomfortable with what he had said two hours earlier. His desire for y/n was still there, but he knew he shouldn’t have said what he did. Suggested what he had. As it turned out, Aaron’s desire for his younger agent rarely, if ever waned.

When y/n had joined the team a few years ago, he had quickly found himself drawn to them physically. Hotch didn’t believe in love at first sight, but he couldn’t deny that he had experienced lust at first sight with y/n. It was like y/n had been made for him. When Hotch first thought this fully -- not just with the small voice he used to stifle unwanted thoughts with -- he realized how much of a narcissist it made him sound like. It was with that thought that he buried all feelings about y/n. He couldn’t risk going there, even in his mind. But with there still being a slight buzz in his head, his mind wandered to how the slope of y/n’s shoulders was gentle yet angular. How their y/h/c looked during golden hour, the way their eyes had held his gaze earlier that evening when they had offered to show him their talent. Aaron shifted slightly in his seat to try and readjust himself. His body was having ideas of its own again, and he didn’t appreciate it. Aaron looked over to y/n who seemed to be in their own type of reverie. It hadn’t helped that he found them attractive and that they were such a good person.

On the team, y/n was smart. They could come up with ideas as fast as Spencer and the duo could be often found at precincts and their hotel rooms bouncing ideas off each other at a mile-a-minute pace. They were also fiercely protective of the team. If someone questioned the team, or specifically a member of the team, they were there to professionally correct and support either the team or the member being targeted. He had seen them do it for JJ, Garcia, and Morgan which was funny because Derek could generally take care of himself. But that hadn’t mattered to y/n. They had stood up for and comforted Derek in their way.

y/n had comforted him too. It was more polite than with the other agents, but they had done it all the same. Aaron knew that y/n felt similarly about him as he felt about them. It was clear in their actions and demeanor around him. y/n hid it well most of the time, but every now and then, he would get a hint that those desires resided in y/n too, and he had to fight his feelings all over again. It was all a mess, and now they would have to talk about tonight. The conversations had been mutually intimate and yes, having his subordinate offer to perform fellatio on him broke about a dozen rules and regulations, but he had continued the conversation. He could have walked away, lied, or done ten thousand other things than being honest and accepting the offer. Aaron stifled another groan of annoyance and embarrassment. He knew he was fucked, or perhaps not fucked, in loads of ways. At least their conversation had been consensual. There was a small mercy in that.

As the car moved down the quiet streets, y/n could feel Aaron near them. They chose to look out the car window instead of at their companion. y/n needed a few minutes to settle their thoughts. To say y/n was mortified about their behavior during the evening was an understatement. Their attraction to Hotch was undeniable, and they saw the tells on their boss as well. That didn’t make what they had done that evening right. y/n had been shocked by how quickly and hard they had been attracted to Aaron.

y/n didn’t know they could feel so intensely until they met him. Of course, there had been teen idols. And they had rewatched a few movies with y/f/a a few hundred times. But that was an actor, and Hotch was a real man in flesh and blood. To mention the fact that he was their boss didn’t help the matter either. In all honesty, everyone on the team had said something more personal than they would have sober during the night, but y/n was certain what they and Aaron had revealed was the most intimate. The street lights continued to pass by in a blur as they approached Aaron’s apartment. y/n knew that things would come to a head when they got there, and y/n couldn’t help but think for one second, ‘Is my desire for him so wrong? God we both feel it. Why couldn’t life be easier? Why couldn’t they just give in for once?” These were the thoughts that swilled within them, between them, as they sped toward their destination.

When they arrived outside of Aaron’s, the two stood outside of his stoop in an awkward silence. Aaron broke it first by saying, “I never should have said anything in the kitchen. I never should have put my hands on you. I sincerely apologize for my actions, y/n. I never meant to make this uncomfortable between us. I value your contributions to the team and I’d never view you as a sexual object. I was drunk and it was a mistake.”

Hotch realized that he was rambling, and he looked to y/n for their response. They looked back and him and replied, “I started it. Well, Garcia started it. It was out of line for me to approach you like that. I respect you, Hotch. I apologize.” They both stood in the frosty air, under the light of a lone streetlamp. The wind picked up and both parties seemed unwilling to leave the conversation where it was. y/n shuddered against the cold and used a voice they rarely did with Aaron. y/n asked, “Can we go into your apartment for a minute before you walk me home? I think I need to warm up for a minute before you walk me back.”

The voice they used was one-third needy, one-third empathetic, and one-third pleading. Though Aaron could be reading into the pleading part of it. Perhaps he just wanted that to be the case. y/n had only spoken to him once before like that and it was when he had gotten injured on a case. y/n had asked him to slow down in the same tone and just like back then, he couldn’t refuse them. Hotch pulled out his keys and unlocked his front door. As they moved inside, he turned on the light above his sink and then he took a few large strides to turn on some lamps in the living space. Aaron gestured to the couch and offered y/n a seat, which y/n took.

Aaron moved toward the sink and asked over his shoulder, “Would you like a glass of water?” y/n closed their eyes at the thoughts bombarding them and said, “Yes, please.” Aaron grabbed two glasses from his cabinets and added some ice from the freezer before filling them with water. When he turned back to y/n, they had their d/h pinching the skin between their eyebrows; their face in a half grimace. Aaron moved quickly toward them and asked, “y/n, are you alright? Do you have a headache?” y/n let out a nervous laugh before removing their hand and saying, “Not yet. But it’s sure to come in a few hours. I’m not a college kid at a pre-game party anymore. I can’t do that kind of drinking without the consequences.” Aaron chuckled at _y/n_’s response. Given that he was a good deal older than y/n him, he could only imagine how bad it might be for himself in the morning. He added taking some Advil before bed to his mental notes. He would do that as soon as y/n was safely home. Even though things had been odd between them for the last half of the night, he would still ensure that they got home safe before he returned to his space to re-wrangle the thoughts that had fought their way back to the surface again. He let out a soft sigh, as he watched y/n take a sip of water.

y/n set their glass down and looked up at Aaron. They asked a question that had undercut the whole night for them. They asked because at this moment having to fake disinterest felt like too great a burden to bear, and because they knew they were already in trouble, so why not face the full consequence? y/n said what was really on their mind with, “What if I wanted to show you anyway? Apart from Pen’s comments? Apart from the fact that I was drunk when I said what I did.” There was a silence and Hotch’s eyes blinked at what they said, trying to register the words; what was being offered. He felt the hitch in his breath as he said, “y/n I…”

They cut Hotch off saying, “Aaron. I see how you look at me. And I know that you see how I look at you. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep pretending to not care about you. To not want to give you more.” Hotch blinked a few times rapidly, trying to clear this head of images. Even now that he was in full control of his mind, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from wandering. Aaron closed his eyes and said y/n’s name in desperation. In shame. They looked up at him and said, “Tell me that I’m wrong. Tell me that I’m wrong and I’ll stop immediately.” As hard as Aaron tried to say no, he couldn’t bring himself to.

y/n stood and half maneuvered Aaron to sit on his couch. They knelt and pushed his knees open. Hotch groaned and said, “You can’t possibly want this?” y/n ran their hands over his inner thighs and said, “I’m in full control of my faculties, Aaron. If I didn’t want to do this, I wouldn’t be here. y/n looked over his seated body. He looked so prone like this; exposed. They often wondered about Aaron. How he felt about himself, and his strong body. y/n had noticed that he wore more layers after what had happened with Foyet. The textures and materials of his suits had changed as well. Half of the time y/n was sure he was sweating under all that fabric. _y/n_ gently dropped to their knees and asked Hotch, who was looking at them with trepidation, guilt even, “Aaron, are you alright? What’s going on in that head of yours?”

For the last year or so, after Foyet, Hotch had been physically cutting himself off from close contact of any kind. It brought up too many painful memories of Hailey before she and Jack had to flee to witness protection before she divorced him. When he was younger he had been so passionately in love with her. It was the most he had ever felt in his life, and with his childhood the way it was, there was a great comfort in that. When he and Hailey had met again as adults, those feelings were still there and they persisted throughout his time in law school and his short stint as a prosecutor.

But when he had joined the BAU things had changed. At first, there had been a thrill for both of them. But with time, Hailey seemed to grow tired of his constant comings and goings. His late nights in the office under Gideon. Their sex life had changed and what used to be passionate and loving sex turned into less passionate more need-based sex from either himself or his wife. Then Jack happened, and Gideon’s incident in Boston which left even less time for him to spend with his wife and newborn son. Again sex changed for them because Hailey needed time to heal and Jack took up most of their time when Aaron was home. When they had been intimate at that stage it felt different. It happened rarely and he could feel Hailey withdraw from his touch sometimes.

A few months later, when he started to assume that she might be acting unfaithfully to him he started to understand why his wife was so hesitant to be around him. Aaron didn’t want to believe it was true. He wanted to think that it had something to do with him. Some shortcomings of his character or body. When it came out that she had been seeing someone else, Aaron forgave her. He still loved her deeply and he knew that he had his own issues; being around was the chief one for his wife. Some part of him understood why she had sought comfort in someone else while he was away even though he would never do that to her. A part of Aaron still thought that there was something wrong with him, his body, and his performance in bed. And the last time he and Hailey had really, intentionally tried to be intimate, his own doubts and the thought of her with another man had not allowed him to finish. Aaron didn’t assume that was the death knell of their marriage, but part of him factored it in.

Then Foyet had physically assaulted him, his body. Hotch never told anyone, and the team didn’t say anything, but he had wondered if Foyet was seeking some sort of sick sexual release with the knife as a subsite penis. Aaron had passed out from blood loss before he could know the answer to that question. Aaron was grateful for that to this day. So the idea that y/n, the kind and caring person they were was interested in him sexually was rather unbelievable to him. It had been so long since he had been sexual. He even stopped allowing himself to touch himself if he woke up aroused. He felt like he deserved it. He didn’t know how he would act, or perform if he accepted y/n’s offer. Thinking about it made him nervous. And yet, his desire for y/n persisted.

Hotch swallowed and he suddenly felt like he needed ten glasses of water instead of the one he had just consumed. He looked down at y/n and replied, “I shouldn’t even be sitting here. These thoughts… they.” Aaron felt embarrassed at himself and looked away, not really knowing what to say. It had been so long that he had felt a desire this strong. It had been even longer that someone had been this intimate with him. Even to have his legs spread and y/n looking up at him with such care. They hadn’t even fucking done anything yet. Aaron closed his legs and y/n let him.

They wanted Hotch to know that he had full control of his body. Of what happened, if anything did end up happening. y/n stood and leaned close to him. With tender care, y/n took his chin in their hand and directed his face to look at them. y/n said, “Desire isn’t a sin Hotch. There isn’t some cosmic scale weighing whether you looked at some girl crossing the road five years ago. It’s a natural feeling; it’s not wrong to feel it. If anything you’ve been restraining yourself. So have I.

I care about you too much to just keep dreaming about you at night. It feels like I’m using you. So now you know how I feel. Now would you please let me do this for you?” Aaron had to blink back a few tears at y/n’s statement. It was so honest that he could hardly see past it. It was blinding in its sincerity. To know that y/n felt like him in that way made him feel warm in a different way than his body responding to theirs. As a last half-assed defense, he said quietly, “I’m your boss.” The chuckle y/n let out had his eyes on them in an instant. Laughter hadn’t been the response he had expected. y/n was wearing their ‘color me surprised’ face. And Aaron laughed at the expression too. It was no surprise to both of them. But this wasn’t about power dynamics, it was about tenderness and longing, and when y/n asked, “Would you let me take care of you?” He nodded his head yes and then verbalized that he wanted it too.

With his consent given. y/n pressed into him. Their hands found traction on his biceps, and they moved their mouth over his neck. y/n could feel his steady pulse under their mouth. At the contact, Aaron let out a sigh. His body reacted almost immediately. He shifted slightly, closed his eyes, and moved his head to the side a bit to give y/n better access to his flesh. When Aaron had gotten in the apartment, he had discarded his suit jacket and tie to be more comfortable. His shirt however was still buttoned tightly.

y/n’s hands worked at the top two buttons, but they were struggling as they tried to keep their mouth on Hotch’s skin while doing the buttons at the same time. y/n was both kissing and sucking at the sanative area. Aaron moved his arms to slide between their bodies, as he undid the troublesome buttons. y/n hummed their thanks, and as they moved to treat his clavicles and breast bone, they breathed hot and heavy over his neck. The semi-excited state of his cock grew quickly. y/n moved over the area with reverence. While their mouth worked over his partially exposed torso, their hands also moved. Their right hand was tracing the lines of his muscle on his stomach and the other was slowly trailing up and down his left thigh. When y/n placed their hand over his hardness, shielded by his pants and briefs, he groaned -- loudly. He felt embarrassed, and y/n looked up at him and said, “It’s okay to feel. I want you to enjoy this.” With how large he felt under their hand, y/n was excited to see his manhood.

They moved back to their knees, and this time, as they pushed his thighs open, Aaron let it happen. y/n set one hand on his hip and the other moved under his linen shirt, wrinkling it. y/n started kissing at his knee and slowly moved up his thigh. As they got close to his arousal, which was throbbing hard against his underwear and the zipper of his pants, they moved to the other leg and began the process again. Hotch let out a shaky breath. Whatever hesitations he had been having at the start were as far away as Neptune now. The slow buildup was driving him insane. Finally, y/n made it to his groin and kissed over his erection. From what they could feel, he was large. Long and wide. As y/n made their tactile observations with their mouth, they thought back to the dreams they had had of Aaron.

He was always well endowed in them, but now that they were here, he might even be bigger than they had imagined. y/n thought, ‘Of course he’s big. This is Hotch we’re talking about.’ They refrained from laughing but did let out a small breath. Their thought might be funny to them, but it might come off very differently to Aaron. They didn’t want to think they were laughing at him. They never wanted that.

Once they had kissed up the tip which was being held down by his belt, y/n moved their face away and started to undo the buckle of his belt. The metal was cool under y/n’s fingers. Once the belt was slipped through the front two belt loops and the two at his hips, y/n shifted forward and grabbed the hem of his shirt. They moved the stranded weave fabric up, exposing his stomach. y/n leaned in and kissed over his belly button. Their tongue licked over the well in his form, and Aaron moaned again. y/n then moved to kiss one of the exposed scars on his body. He looked down at y/n like this, and he wondered what it would be like with him in her mouth?

He stopped himself from bucking up at the thought. While y/n had been working over his body, his breathing had picked up. At this new sensation, he whispered their name. y/n made quick work of the buttons and zipper of his pants. They were careful that there were no unintended snags as they tugged the small pull down. y/n looked over his cloaked member. They kissed the shaft and then moved their hand to press against it before slowly stroking it through his gray briefs. y/n used their pointer and little finger to stimulate the sides, while their ring and middle finger applied pressure to the front of his penis. y/n didn’t tease him with their hand too long. This wasn’t the pleasure Olympics. They didn’t know how much stimulation Aaron was used to, and y/n didn’t want to overdo it for him. Before y/n removed the final layer of clothing, they looked up to Aaron again to ensure he was still on board with this last exposure. Hotch looked into their eyes, the question evident to him. In a deep voice, one full of need, he said, “Yes. If you’re willing.” y/n replied in the affirmative, saying, “I want to.”

With consent given, y/n tugged at the elastic band of his briefs. Aaron put his weight on his feet and lifted his hips for them. y/n pulled down the fabric and revealed his member for the first time, as it rested on his body. He was large and as Hotch settled back down on the couch, they looked over him with pleasure. y/n’s hand circled the base, and they started pumping up and down with a steady pace and pressure. They praised him saying, “You’re very impressive Aaron.” Their praise and the feeling of their hands moving over him had him squirming and breathing heavily.

He was starting to sweat now, and he had never imagined it would be like this. Because if he had, he would never be able to let go. But now that it was actually happening, he couldn’t care about the complications. He felt so good with y/n rubbing their hand against his cock, and he muttered, “Fuck, y/n. You’re so good.” They smiled, and he cursed again as y/n used their other hand to stroke and circle the base of his member. y/n didn’t spend a very long time with their digits, after all, they had promised to show Aaron their talent, and having him cum in their hands was not on the agenda.

So y/n removed their d/h from the shaft and Aaron’s eyes grew wide with the sudden loss of contact. He felt like he might explode if didn’t have that stimulation moving over him. He was about to say something, but the breath was forced from his body as y/n took the tip in their mouth. y/n shifted on their knees a bit to be able to best take Hotch in. The carpet under their legs was decently comfortable, but the wood floor underneath was solid.

y/n paid attention to the tip first, suckling it and running their tongue over the slit on the top. Aaron tried to take a steadying breath, but he was falling apart at the sensation of pleasure rushing through him. When y/n was comfortable with the feel of him and had built some confidence at being able to take him in, they pushed their tongue down and hollowed their cheeks. Carefully covering their teeth, y/n moved their mouth further down his length. At this, Hotch tipped his head back and moaned again. y/n wasn’t even halfway down him before some precum leaked from the tip. y/n pulled up and sucked the briny ejaculate off his cock. y/n swallowed it quickly and moved back to working him over. They would think more deeply about the taste of Hotch’s cum later, but for now, they wanted to keep hearing Aaron mutter their name or try to keep his breathing even. They could feel from his reactions and the throbbing of his cock that he wasn’t in control at all, even if he was trying to be. y/n momentarily wondered how long it had been since anyone had done this for him.

Aaron's width not only filled their mouth, but his length, even though they didn’t have a natural gag reflex, was still a bit too much for y/n to fully cover with their mouth. About an inch was left exposed to the cool air. Before y/n moved their free hand to make up the difference, they looked over Hotch. The sight of him, head tipped back, mouth open sent a wave of pleasure through them. y/n noticed Hotch’s hands gripping the side of the couch with white knuckles. As y/n continued to move over him, they used their free hand to grab Hotch’s left hand from the couch cushion and to set it on the crown of their head.

Aaron looked down at y/n as they moved his hand to the back of their head. He hesitated. He was desperate to take what was being offered on top of what was already happening. On top of the bliss and heat, he was feeling in his cock. y/n patted his hand on their head giving him a non-verbal “It’s okay.” Aaron couldn’t help himself and threaded his long fingers in y/n’s h/l h/c. y/n continued to move up and down his shaft, and then covered the base of his cock that couldn’t be inside their mouth. With Aaron fully enveloped, he bucked his hips up and as y/n had said, the extra pressure didn’t cause any gag reaction. In fact, _y/n_ hummed their satisfaction at his action.

He trembled under y/n and thought about what they had said earlier in the night about feelings not being wrong. And moving his hips had felt so, so, blindingly good that he did it again. And then again, and again, and again until he was sure he could feel himself ready to cum. y/n was intently focused on his pleasure. Aaron’s member was lined with a few thick veins running down the side and back. As Hotch started to take control of his own pleasure with gentle pressure to their head, y/n lifted their tongue up and down those ridges on his cock. This new sensation and the slight sucking that y/n was doing sent him over the edge. Aaron’s hand tightened in y/n’s hair, and he came with a shudder. He let out a loud moan and pulled y/n’s head off of his cock. They had only taken a bit of his semen in their mouth. y/n wondered why he hadn’t let them swallow his ejaculation, but didn’t ask now. There were still so many things to know about him. Things they hoped they could learn together with time. y/n stroked his thigh softly as he rode out his orgasm. Seeing him so out of control only wanted to make them care for him more.

When the waves of pleasure subsided, Aaron relaxed back into the couch cushion. He closed his eyes because he was afraid of what he would see in y/n’s eyes if he opened them. He wasn’t fully sure how to cope with what they had given him. A soft touch of his thigh did eventually made him see y/n, and they were looking at him with a care he had rarely seen in his life. He swallowed back some tears, and he patted the couch next to him. As y/n got up from their knees, and sat next to him. He pulled his underwear over his nakedness. His cum was staining his shirt and pants and he would need to launder and shower after he talked to y/n.

y/n sat and gave him space, but he needed to feel them close to him. To have this living, breathing care in his arms. He turned to face y/n and asked, “May I hold you?” y/n nodded, and Aaron moved his arm to rest behind their lower back. He pulled y/n close to his side, and they turned toward him softly. y/n placed their head on his broad, muscular shoulder. There were a few moments of comfortable silence before y/n said, “You don’t ever owe me anything, Aaron. You know that right?” The question lingered until Aaron’s hand moved to the back of y/n’s head, gently running his digits through the smooth hair.

A different kind of touch than what he had been doing a few minutes before. Now that he had been sated, he feared that a gulf would form between them. But y/n’s comment gave him something to think about, to still his nervous mind. Finally, he replied, “But I do owe you things y/n. I owe you safety on the field, professionalism in the office, and privacy. I feel like I owe you more than those things as well.” y/n’s hand was back on his thigh again and they replied, “Okay, valid point. At the job, you do play a different role, but we’re both adults Hotch. We’re not teenagers trying to shag in the high school gymnasium. Given how long we’ve waited for something to happen between us, I think we can keep it together at work.” At this statement, Aaron chuckled lightly. y/n was certainly true about that. After a beat, y/n continued saying, “But is it so impossible to believe that we couldn’t do both? That we couldn’t care for each other outside of work?” Aaron pondered the question. He thought about what they had said. About the profound pleasure, y/n had brought him; and not just physical pleasure, but an emotional cover as well made him consider his words wisely, carefully. When y/n was with him like this, it felt like his many flaws disappeared. That he had a clean slate. Hotch closed his eyes and rested his head on top of y/n’s, as he said, “I willing to try.”

When it was appropriate, Aaron quickly cleaned himself, changed, and then walked y/n back to their apartment. Before y/n went inside, Hotch placed a hand on their lower back and leaned down to kiss y/n’s forehead. They had both agreed to take a day and see if any other feelings, questions, or concerns that might arise once they were apart. They scheduled a meeting of sorts for Sunday to talk more deeply and thoroughly about what this relationship might look like. When they parted for real, Aaron walked down the quiet street. It was late in the night, but he didn’t feel tired. As he walked, he considered how physically closed off he had been the last few months. Close off to the team and himself. But y/n had helped him see the sky again and no matter what happened after this, he would always be grateful for that.

On Monday, y/n went to see Garcia. To honestly say, “What the hell Pen?” However, the technical analyst had been watching y/n and Aaron pine for each other for two years and even though her comment at Rossi’s had been a Freudian slip, she still noticed how the pair spent a long time in the kitchen. How they had both come back flushed, eyes wide. Once y/n stepped into Garcia’s space, Penelope could see that something happened and did a little happy dance in her chair before getting up and dragging y/n into her office, closing the door. Once they were alone, Pen said, “y/n tell me everything.” y/n flushed, a bit exasperated, and said, “The answer is, I may never tell you anything about my sex life again. But thanks, Penelope.” y/n winked at their friend and left the office with a smile on their face. Garcia gave a little excited scream of happiness as she moved back to her desk. Sometimes when things didn’t go to plan, it still worked out.

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faefaye · 1 year

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Chinese LOTM Fic Recs

(@ihavenobigbrain)

I was asked about this, so here we go! (rubs hands together =D)

A few things to know:

I'll only separate by site (either AO3 or Lofter) and whether it's gen or has a ship. None of these recs have smut as far as I remember, as I rarely if ever read it.

I am not Chinese and know nothing about the Chinese language. I've read these fics through the browser translator. Likely there are errors in the translated English titles provided, please feel free to correct them.

For Lofter fics, I'm using the blog url (x in "x.lofter.com") as the writer's name, though idk if that's how it should be done.

Also for Lofter fics, I've linked the first chapter for multi-chapter stories. The rest can be found by going to the user's archive, or (with a bit more difficulty) by clicking on one of the tags at the bottom and going through that.

Recs under the cut because this became a longer post than I expected. Hope you find something to enjoy from this!

Gen Fics:

->AO3

DEITY MAY CRY, by buerzi: The story of an atheist who becomes a believer of the Fool. (post-Book 1, one of my favourite fics)

【克中心】愚者教会调查实录 / [Ke Center] Investigative Records of the Church of the Fool, by liusheng_A: The state of the Church of the Fool, two hundred years after the apocalypse.

Sing come twilight, by Mirrir_Error: Melissa has a conversation with a mysterious lady and learns the truth about her brother. (post-Book 1)

Fifteen Minutes, by ianto0706: Fors accidentally summons Gehrman's historical projection. (post-Book 1)

在葬礼上 / At the funeral, by Mirrir_Error: During Benson's funeral, Melissa meets a familiar stranger.

【破繭組】為美好的真神獻上祝福 / [Broken Cocoon Group] Offer blessings to the beautiful true god, by Zye_404: The four transmigrators meet up in the Astral Realm and decide to descend to the real world. Klein helps Roselle meet his children, Amanises goes shopping and ASG hunts down Amon.

【诡秘】欢迎加入地球OL保障队 / [Secret] Welcome to the Earth OL Support Team, by abigail_000017: Klein Moretti introduces you to the Earth OL Support Team, the first and last line of defence for Earth, and its various members. Do keep track of what you should and shouldn't do. (alternate universe)

但它不断冒出 / but it keeps popping up, by undertoneaugust: (author's summary) "After being woken up by his little niece for the thousand and eighty-sixth time, Klein Moretti finally agreed to play with her."

隐瞒之事 / concealment, by undertoneaugust: Bernadette in the present, seeking her father, and the past she remembers.

【诡秘】我有一个朋友 / [Secret] I have a friend, by Kuffskein: I suggested going on a walk to Deacon Leonard Mitchell, and so we visited Tingen. (first-person perspective, post-Book 1)

修罗会 / Shura Society*, by ominoushunter: When Klein resurrects from his grave, Azik is there. This leads to several things, but mainly the Tarot Club's utter confusion on the shape of the love polygon between Mr. Death, his many students, Mr. World and Mr. Star. (all ships present are mainly in the minds of the Tarot Club :p)

(*according to this post, "Shura Field" is a phrase used to refer to an intense struggle on a battlefield but also for shows where multiple characters are in love with the same person)

->Lofter

【廷根师生组】新生-随机爆炸鱼干 / [Tingen Students and Teachers Group] Freshmen, by linyuansuyuan: (author's summary) "Klein has three homes in Tingen, for which he needs to pay a low rent every month, a few carefully completed homework and several times of unburdened laughter." (pre-canon, warning for Canonical Character Death, slight hint of Azik/Klein but only as a student's crush) (this is the fic that shaped OG Klein for me, and made me fall in love with the pre-canon possibilities)

［海上组］冰山浮出一角 / [Sea Group] The tip of the iceberg emerges, by wangyouwushang86832: After the journey in Groselle's Travels, Gehrman loses his memory, only retaining the beginning of his time in Tingen. Danitz, Anderson and the rest of the Golden Dream get to see another side of the crazy adventurer. (incomplete, ongoing)

【诡秘之主观影体】我于神明 / [The Lord of Mysteries] I am in the gods, by xiayanzhangxiangyi: Tianzun tries to use the transmigrators to take away Klein's anchors. In order not to lose, Klein is forced to reveal the truth of his life to several people close to him, as well as the transmigrators. (post-Book 1, viewing fic)

【观影体】如果神弃之地的 "游戏" 被围观 / [Movie Watching Body] If the "game" of the Forsaken Land of the Gods is watched, by muleyi62440: While Klein is in the Forsaken Land with Amon, the Tarot Club pray to him. But rather than not getting a response, they are pulled into the gray fog and get to watch the struggles he's going through. (viewing fic)

【唤醒沉睡愚者24h/8:30】天幕之下 / [Wake up the Sleeping Fool 24h/8:30] Under the Canopy, by rizerxx: In the year 1366, the Fool wakes up.

1-【论坛体】论坛新更新的游戏，有人玩了吗？/ 1- [Forum body] Has anyone played the newly updated game in the forum?, by mlikebc: Forum story (ie, it takes place in some kind of online forum). The Church of the Fools has released a gacha dress-up game called Miracle Meimei, about a person waking up without memories and rediscovering the past. As people play it, they too discover the truth about the angels of the Fool and the people connected to them... (post-Book 1, incomplete, ongoing, mentions of stuff from COI, currently a 21-part story)

Leonard/Klein:

->AO3

【克中心】我可能是假的天使 / [Ke Center] I might be a fake angel, by BB_Roin: Canon divergence- if the Evernight Goddess couldn't separate the curtain from Zhou during the transmigration. The focus isn't on the ship and it's pretty slowburn Leoklein. (incomplete, ongoing)

World/Fool:

->AO3

世愚｜倒计时十五分 / World Yu | 15 minute countdown, by suqiansheng: After the betrayal in Utopia, Klein goes to the Historical Void before the First Epoch and summons Gehrman's historical projection. A much-needed moment is had. (note: not romantic in any way imo but it's tagged World/Fool so I'm reccing it here)

世愚｜小团圆 / World Yu | A little reunion, by suqiansheng: Klein and Gehrman are separated brothers, having a reunion dinner... (Major Character Death of sorts? Also, same note as above, ie has no romantic elements)

【愚世】最优解 / [Foolishness] The best solution, by Indigo10: Post-Book 1, Klein crafts a marionette Gehrman and instills him with the humanity Adam once gave him. (Major Character Death, same note as above :p)

世愚｜数到三 / Shi Yu | Count to three, by suqiansheng: Post-Book 1, the avatar of Gehrman Sparrow makes a suggestion to Klein. He is not the first Gehrman Sparrow to do so. (sorta Major Character Death)

世愚 | 雨夜乌托邦 / Shi Yu | Rainy Night Utopia, by suqiansheng: The Fool Klein shares a meal with his Blessed in Utopia. (AU where Klein's identities are separate people)

访谈录【愚世】 / Interview Record [Foolish World], by Fei Yu: Gehrman Sparrow, a heretic, has been captured and awaits execution. Before that, a reporter seeks him out for an interview about his life.

【世愚】妄念 / [Shi Yu] Delusion, by youlancangqiong: The Fool likes equivalent exchange, and asks Gehrman for his wish. (AU where these two are separate people, sorta Major Character Death?)

世愚｜值得 / [Shi Yu] Worthy, by suqiansheng: Before the apocalypse, Klein and Gehrman share a peaceful moment.

Azik/Klein:

->AO3

关于我那个总是陷入危险而不自知的同行 / About my colleague who's always in danger without knowing it, by ominoushunter: Canon divergence where Klein doesn't join the Nighthawks and instead becomes a history lecturer, but is still a Beyonder. Cue a comedy of misunderstandings between Klein and Azik, and their secret identities of "the World" and "the Death Consul".

【诡秘】死神即将回归……吗? [Secret] Reaper is about to return...?, by Kuffskein: Suarez, a descendant of the Eggers family, reports to Salinger about the changes in the present era. It's enough to make even enemies feel pity.

【诡秘】愚者教会内部论坛 / [Secret] Church of the Fool Internal Forum, by Kuffskein: Forum story. While discussing the past of the Angel of Death, people uncover a strange relationship between the Angel, Gehrman Sparrow, the Fool and an ordinary person named Klein.

苍白 / Pale, by ominoushunter: Rather than continuing his life as it is, Azik chooses to complete his soul in the mausoleum, and what follows from that.

【诡秘】谁才是执政官大人的真爱？/ [Secret] Who is the true love of the Consul?, by Kuffskein: For a festival of Bayam, tradition is that the Death Consul must travel the capital in a coffin alongside his partner. This would be all fine and good, if the high priest of Balam didn't have to decide who to invite between the Death Consul's six lovers.

->Lofter

【兹克24H：他的猫与锚-19:00】降灵之舞 / 【Zik 24H: His Cat and the Anchor-19:00】Spiritual Dance, by xiayanzhangxiangyi: After Azik wakes up, he goes to Bayam to introduce himself as the Angel of Death and learn more about the Church his student established.

【兹克520活动||17：20】艾格斯教授是gay还是邪教徒 / [Zik 520 Event||17:20] Is Professor Eggers gay or a cultist, by mosquitoyeah: During an expedition, a pair of brothers wonder about their guide Azik Eggers, and place a bet on whether he's a cultist or gay. (post-Book 1, two-part story)

Dunn/Daly:

->AO3

【索斯特➡戴莉】直至最后一朵玫瑰凋谢之时 / [Soest->Daly] Until the last rose fades, by GetSomeFries (NachtElf): Soest falls in love with Daly, but she keeps rebuffing him and he wonders why. (the arrow denotes one-sided feelings iirc)

邓恩史密斯查了五次水表 / Dunn Smith checked the water meter five times, by 6749: set within In Modern Day. This is the fifth time Dunn has visited Daly's house, citing reports that she's performing suspicious religious activities.

Amanises/Klein:

->AO3

今天世界不对劲 / Something is wrong with the World today, by Mirrir_Error: (author's summary) "Today is a special day, "—" wants to play an interesting game with the Fool."

Sharron/Maric:

->AO3

【沙琪玛】莎伦小姐心直口快 / [Sharron/Maric] Miss Sharron is outspoken, by huangnanjun: The story of how Sharron and Maric met, and how they escaped from the Rose School of Thought.

That's all from me for now!

For those who've read this far, I leave you with a wonderful Reddit post about how to browse for LOTM fics on Lofter.

#lord of the mysteries #lotm #lord of mysteries #fic recs #lotm spoilers #long post

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 7 months

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Hellow, i just reblogged that post about the cauldron loving elain and I have been seized with a need to figure out what the hell is going on with that so I shall read one (1) chapter if acomaf to bring me closer to my goal. For the record, I did know about the cauldron loving elain and hating nesta because idk, nesta was angry and annoying when she was dunked into it but elain was just so sweet and demure about it probably, i did not think it was. romantic love. but this is a sjm book so I was foolish to assume there would be a male character whos not insanely horny. Actually, is the cauldron even male? He is in the german version but thats just bc the word cauldron is masculine grammatically. Quick someone draw like, a tumblr sexyman humanized version of the cauldron. actually no, tumblrsexymen are traditionally twinks and sjm hates those. Quick someone draw like, a super buff shirtless man with golden hair, or whatever the color of the cauldron is

anyway, PREVIOUSLY ON: THE FLAMES AND DARKNESS LIVEBLOG we had the Court on Nightmares Under The Mountain Reenactment Scene as I like to call it and can we talk about how Feyre has known Rhys for like a year and only liked him for like half a year and yet she was perfectly fine sitting in his lap nacked and letting herself be sexualized by him. Like, I dont even have any kind of sexual trauma, you would still need to build up sooooo many years of friendship and good will for me to do that for you and you would NOT be allowed to jerk me off!! whatever, lets get on with this, its time for chapter 43

I hate that Rhysand is being all like "i shouldnt have brought you, i didnt want you to see this side of me" when its like, buddy you didnt have to do all this shit you couldve just walked in an been like "Im your high lord and demand your orb" and they wouldve given it to you because youre their high lord and youre demanding their orb. And if he thought they wouldnt have given it to him, he couldve easily come up with a different distraction he just went with the one that sexualizes Feyre because hes weirdo. Like, if hes so cruel on every other day then he shouldve acted really nicely, greeted Keir by giving him the biggest hug and being like "uncleeeee!! :D long time no see :)" and Feyre should have been dressed up as like, the embodiment of spring in pastel green soft shades of pink and but Rhysand still treats with the utmost kindness and respect, now that would throw the Hewn City for a loop

Okay so the reason Rhys broke keirs arm is because the word 'whore' triggered him which is understandable but like, Feyre thought of herself as the Highlords Whore in a very deliberate parallel to Rhysand being known as Amarantha's Whore and Im pretty sure she even straightup thought something about being in the position he had for so many years but she was like, horny about it and the narrative just isnt acknowledging it. Like, theyre not talking about it even though their mindlink was presumably open the whole time bc I remember them flirting through the link, and Feyre isnt even like "oh man, I feel bad for thinking that when its so upsetting to him" its so weird

Rhysand basically said "I will never try to protect you by locking you away, instead I will protect you by killing anyone who upsets you, even when they dont actually upset you and they just upset me" like he and Tamlin are not fundamentally any different from each other, its just that Rhysand is a coldblooded murderer. but its fine cuz he wears black leather i guess

I just realized. Rhysand had a boner when Feyre was sitting in his lap. did that go away when he broke Keirs arm or did he walk out of that meeting with his dick fully hard

Listen, maybe its just because its 3am and Im a little sleepdeprived but this conversation barely makes any sense, these bozos are just completely talking past each other at this point

Rhysand just said something about how Tamlin just locked Feyre up and let her waste away and almost die and Feyre was gonna say "He was trying his best" but Rhys interrupted her like "Dont compare me to him, stop comparing us" when she didnt say anything about that ??? my guy is projecting so hard rn he thinks theyre having a conversation that theyre not even having

And like i would argue that Feyre doesnt even compare Rhysand and Tamlin that much, the narrative definitely does it a LOT, but Ive been reading Feyres thoughts throughout this whole ordeal and I feel like she barely even thought about Tamlin since she sent him that letter

This scene is supposed this big turning point for their relationship and its clearly meant to be really emotional but the only emotion i can feel rn is annoyance with Rhysand because its like, he did have genuinely traumatic things that happened to him but not only is he barely affected by any of them, those are not even the things that the narrative brings up whenever its trying to get me to sympathise with him instead its always just "whaaaaaaa everyone thinks Im nasty and evil just because i keep doing nasty and evil things T-T"

Feyre is being very cruel but in a kinda funny way because its directed at Rhysand rn, i would insert the quote but I am in no state to translate anything at the moment but shes basically like "of course you have to hide your true self from your friends, they wouldnt wanna hang out with otherwise, you burden"

Idk why but the prose being like "my arrow struck him too deep" is so funny to me, it has the same energy as the vampire fics i read where the weird gay one gets his heart broken and he goes "it wouldve hurt less if he staked me in the heart"

Feyre is like "i cant believe he was so vulnerable and shared his sorrows with me and just threw all of it in his face" and I could not give less of a shit, but ive been on a big emotional abuse kick lately so now Im thinking about what if Feyre was just faking having feelings for Rhys in order to make him fall in love with her and be vulnerable with her only to then tell him the truth and reject the mating bond and make him completely break down as revenge for UTM. now that would actually be empowering

Now Feyre is thinking about how shes been using Rhysand for a long time now and come onnnnnn there is such a big power difference between them, I genuinely think its basically impossible for her to do that. Like, hes the most powerful guy in the history of guys or whatever, if anything you were doing bothered him that much he could simply make you stop doing it. hm. now Im thinking about what if rhysand was actually a huge masochist. Now that would actually be hot

Feyre is talking about how all the members of the inner circle suffered and are traumatized and theyve all learned to live with it and, not to extend too much sympathy to Rhysand, but all of the ICs major traumatic events happened centuries ago, his traumatic event happened one (1) year ago and it lasted 49 years i think its gonna take a little more time till hes all better

ughhhhhhh dont remind me of Amrens stupid romance subplot im gonna kill myself

Starfall is called Die Nacht der fallenden Sterne [the night of the calling stars] in german which is so much cooler and more whimsical, shoutout to my gal pal Alexandra Ernst for attempting to reinsert atleast a little bit of whimsy into this joyless world

Also, apparently its expected that Rhysand spend the first starfall in fifty years with his people, his people in this case referring to the Verlarians in the city that no one knows exists and not the people living in his courts actual capital. then again, i guess those bozos are all trapped under a mountain and wouldnt be able to watch it anyway so who cares

Amren said "hes not lucky to have us, we're lucky to have him" like yeah, hes paying you all exorbitant salaries just for being his buddies

God, amrens jacking rhys off so hard rn I cant believe she didnt wanna have sex with him when he asked

btw Im not even gonna dignify all that vaguely meta bullshit about how Tamlin is the golden prince and rhysand is the villain in the stories but the villain in stories is the guy who locks maidens away in towers and rhys freed her with anx kind of commentary because its just stupid, its just sjm bashing you over the head with how subversive she is when Tamlin and Rhysand are basically the same guy with different aesthetics at this point, like Feyre is not making a choice between the goodboy hero and the badboy villain, shes making a choice between a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (green) and a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (black)

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti rhysand #anti feysand #flames and darkness liveblog

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potterandpromises · 9 months

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An Apartment of Our Own

My contribution to the genre of fics exploring the in-universe OMITB fandom, Theobel style. Any similarities to any actual Tumblr blogs or fanfics is purely coincidental, and of course, this is all in good fun. (In order to recreate Mabel's style of speaking and signing at the same time, as in the show, the signed parts of her dialogue are underlined. Because Tumblr doesn't allow for underlining, this fic will continue on AO3 here or below in the place I found it silliest and most fun.)

They never hid their friendship.

Sure, Mabel gave it a good six weeks before she casually let it slip to the guys that her and Theo hang out. Just so she could come up with a few solid rebuttals if they gave her pushback. (‘Charles, you dated a serial killer.’ ‘Theo’s actually pretty fun to be around.’ 'According to greater society, we shouldn't be friends either.' 'I don't let old men tell me what to do.')

(Okay, they were about as solid as Oliver’s dips.)

(When the conversation came, Oliver was weirdly supportive about it. Charles looked exactly how he did when she first mentioned dating Alice.)

And yeah, she gave it an additional few months before she mentioned it to her mom. The distance gave her time and she wanted extra confidence the good feeling she and Theo had around each other wasn't a haze that would soon lift. She wanted the shitty phone call to be worth it. And it was. He was worth it.

But they never hid it. Not really. Not in public. If, last autumn, a fan of the pod posted a blurry five second video of two people who might possibly, maybe, be them using ASL in the winding path of the basement of an antique shop in midtown, well, she didn’t let it concern her.

Superfans aside, as the months dragged on without her involvement in another stabbing incident and/or murder, not many people cared about Bloody Mabel. Equally, she cared less and less about strangers' opinions.

Then Ben Glenroy died twice.

It wasn't like with Bunny; Mabel wasn't so unbearably close to the story. Still, the internet talks, and Theo got a writing credit for that season 3 teaser trailer he wrote. Questions were raised they still hasn't answered.

“Have you seen this?” Theo holds up his phone, shakes it slightly. His lips twitch, amused... or nervous?

Mabel sets her knitting aside, leans forward on the couch, and recognizes the website.

And the blog.

She furrows her brow, and takes his phone.

The Tumblr is onlyarconicsinthebulldogging, and they've reblogged from frogfuckergirl555. She has no idea who frogfuckergirl555 is, or if they're a frequent poster. For the briefest second, she feels almost proud of herself for that.

The post is a simple sentence, followed by a link.

Idk what this is but they’re kinda cute together??? especially if the rumors are true???

There's an emoji sequence in the tags that only grows Mabel's wariness: 😭😭😭👌🏻👌🏻🔥🔥🔥

She gives Theo another long, long look.

He doesn’t blush, exactly. He squirms in his chair like he regrets bringing knowledge of this— what she swiftly imagines with a level of visual accuracy only possible through prolonged proximity— onto himself.

“Open— read it!” he signs quick and jerky, like Mabel wouldn’t understand at all without context. "Please," he adds, and crosses his legs.

The suspense might be killing him. She, however, could live very happily not knowing the details of what people imagine they get up to, what precisely those aforementioned rumors are. If she doesn’t do her research though, if she chooses to live in blissful ignorance, the universe will surely send Marv her way to clear it all up for her.

She clicks the link, opens up Archive of Our Own.

#theobel #only murders in the building #omitb #mabel mora #theo dimas #fanfiction #my fanfic tag #fic: an apartment of our own

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miradanii · 2 months

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MTMTE/LOST LIGHT First Time Read

Short time text text because it's 4am. I had to finish it...The Lost Light was short and I had 4 chapters left. Had heat exhaustion twice in one week, lack of sleep for days but I couldn't help but finish just so I can go back and reread parts I didn't understand/have an excuse to finally look up this comic without massive spoilers.

I had never read a lot of long ass comics. But wow have I just had a wild ride. I think it took maybe two and half months to read this? Maybe more. One of the few things I had difficulty with reading but pushed through because how captivated I was with the story and its insane cast of characters. I have tons of new favorites I will now create powerpoint slides to present to my friends now on how much I've enjoyed my time with them.

I am so thankful for the internet due to these comics being out of print. And my past self just happening to own volume 1 of Dark Cybertron and never donating it despite not fully understanding what it was until this year. I hope these comics get reprinted one day but I guess for now I'll hunt down copies because I think I want to do these comics a service by having physical copies...

Anyways I 100% recommend this series as a first time reader for reading any Transformers comics. It was pretty difficult at first but I got the hang of it for a while. Not sure it helped that I was already familiar with a lot of the characters already like Rodimus, Megatron, ect. ect. ect.

Here's a link to a reddit post about the order for reading MTMTE/Lost Light. Though, when you come to Dark Cybertron it comes it two volumes so you don't have to switch between MTMTE and RID issues. Like I said I have the physical copy for Volume 1 of Dark Cybertron but mistakenly went back to reading MTMTE and had not realized the issues were alternating.

The reddit post mentions it but I was dumb and didn't fully read it. I just kinda kept going to the next page with a jarring lack of information thinking a lot of stuff was happening off screen.

Immediate ending spoiler nonsense thoughts down below:

Yeah the ending note made me tear up. I am in the mist of consuming a lot of Transformers Media before Transformers One comes out...I had decided to read MTMTE because I think I wanted something that I felt when I watched Transformers Prime. More detail in the characters. I think I flipped when I found out Ratchet who I've seen 3 iterations of on tv has a love interest. Megatron and Optimus have like....just...yeah it's gay. Unhinge divorced but never married gay interactions, then there's more gay, then idk I just started learning more and more about it all from just doing research all for a powerpoint party I hosted and because it was my birthday I was able to go up to 45 minutes due to birthday privileges.

Like I can go from liking Megop to MiniMegs? Is that the ship name? Idk it's almost 5am. But it's not even about pairings at this point, I'm going on an insane fucking adventure. I'm reading this shit in a King's Hawaiian parking lot now being part of my core memory. Actually that part does have a pairing. I'm seeing this:

I went through emotional toil in a restaurant parking lot with my friends to see and not understand the shock I'm having after I get out of the car.

I understand the flowers. That's a fuck ton.

I technically got spoiled about who Rung actually was but it had been so long I actually was STILL shocked when I found out at around 3am. Though...I didn't know he fucking died. Guys he fucking died. I think he came back or its one of his children idk man he fucking died and there's a character with a very similar color palette to him in Cyberverse.

On a random note I guess they weren't that close but Im surprised there wasn't a conversation between Nautica and Chromedome about forgetting Skids in a sense of grief. And it just kinda happened to her...Though I am glad she was still prioritizing Velocity.

Okay so Terminus just dies off screen and Megatron never finds out that he gave him the wrong location?? Damn. But I guess it was no hard feelings when he reunited with the Lost Light so that's all fine and dandy.

This is the one of the few stories where I am proud bullshit with no further explanation reunites tragic lovers. This series lets me live. I mean there was a very simple explanation why Tailgate didn't fade away from Cyclonus' arms but when that moment happened I was like yeah fuck it let them be happy. Of course Kaput was gonna go Kaput but rip can't believe it had to get Tailgate involved.

Ah Anode and Lug were cute! I think it took me a bit to warm up to them but I think I start to like characters when they start having fun dynamics with the rest of the cast. Anode and Swerve pranking each other on the shrinking ship with all hell breaking loose with the rest of the Rod Squad is just...yeah that whole chapter was paced so well.

Okay Whirl didn't just win me over, he snatched my heart and made a clock out of it with his lil pincers. I love this fella. He's such a homie. Top 10 in my list of characters with best character growth.

Okay okay...so the ending right...I knew Ratchet died in the end. Or a portion of the end. But it still caught me off guard. Not to mention I thought Tailgate had died in the end too. I mean it was technically true. But still...ouch. I saw the panel with the Rodimus Star and thought it was so dumb. Had no idea that it was so much more impactful than I thought. Legit before knowing the context I thought Rodimus didn't want to give his most inner energon and gave a Rodimus Star instead. Oops.

I've seen panels of Minimus and Megatron interact and had no idea that it was from the final issue.

5:31am

This series has given me a small portion of joy I couldn't feel for the past few months without it. A boost in creativity and expanding a range of wow that's a lot of fucking insane shit that can happen and still be fun huh?

#tfbloggingadventure #mtmte #lost light #this is a lot of rambling i needed to get out

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sexynetra · 7 months

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10, 12, 16, and 20 for the asks :3

10. Mutual pining or enemies to friends to lovers?

Why are we pitting two bad bitches against each other 😭 for real though idk how to pick I love them both so dearly!!! Probably mutual pining though I’m not sure I’m capable of writing something without mutual pining

12. Friends with benefits or secret dating?

I loooove fwb but I don’t know if I could write it because that’s a dynamic that I think really requires comfort with writing sex. I think I could do an angsty pining fwb type thing if I dried though. Secret dating sounds fun too though I love the inherent drama of secrets

16. Describe your WIP that currently has the highest word count.

Hey have y’all ever heard of this silly little story called rawnsyf 😭 no for real though, chapter 8 is in progress, it is more of a character study type chapter that just takes place in one conversation in one place and it’s going to mark a permanent shift in their dynamic and relationship :) outside of that I have a fake dating wedding attendee au im working on from back when we did the fic exchange that im like 4k into but i think im gonna change the ship which changes the story 🤭 and then of course we have my flirty manipulative dame story where she flirts with people to get whatever she wants and then comes face to face with Marina who doesn’t fall for her tricks :)

20. Do you have a favorite fanfic or author? If so, tag them/post a link and share the love!

I mean my favorite authors are the ones I have befriended because I am biased and I think my friends are cool as hell :) there’s too many to tag but if you follow me you know who’s stuff I’m constantly hyping up!! As far as stories, I have been so behind reading fanfics lately 😅 I’m not gonna pick one favorite, but @junosjukebox posted a great grandekofi hanahaki recently, @aqpippin FINALLY finished I drive down different roads and it’s more than I ever could have hoped for, uhhhhh I’ll plug my own fic go read rawnsyf if you’ve been putting it off I think it’s really pretty cool and it almost got me cancelled on Twitter so you’re legally bound to support me 🤪 (also I need motivation to finish writing this chapter I’ve been putting off lmao). Anyways there’s so many cool fics that I did not list because I am not up to date on what’s been posted recently, I’ve been dealing with family stuff and the Twitter drama and being a student and working a lot so I haven’t had time to read! Everyone feel free to send me fics you think I should read! Send me fics you wrote so I can scream about them to you! I love supporting my friends :)

#have you ever met a bitch who’s as verbose as me why are these so long #anyways #I love these kinds of asks they’re so fun #also hi bestie myhusbandharryhamilton :) tell your kittens hello from me #Leo is next to me sleeping through this whole thing #ask #asks #fanfic asks #fanfic writer asks #fanfic writing asks #myhusbandharryhamilton #rawnsyf

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trixree · 1 year

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Hey i just visited your blog after binge reading several of your star wars fics and saw you've got POTS + assorted chronic medical fuckery. My spouse has the unholy trinity of POTS/EDS/MCAS (featuring guest artist Migraines) and boy do i feel for you if your combo is even a little bit similar. Crossing my fingers for you that the neurologist is a good fit! They tend to have their shit together when it comes to dysautonomia (and hopefully know a lot of the good med combos). I'll also put in a recommendation for electrolyte drinks -- i think it's not uncommon for ppl with POTS to have electrolyte/salt deficiencies, and i know it's been helpful for my spouse to chug 20-30 oz of propel or re-lyte water every day. Compression garments (esp. tights) have also been helpful for POTS, but not always great for digestion if they go over the stomach. Medical grade compression starts at 20-30 mmHg.

For appetite stuff, since I'm not sure what the underlying cause is for you idk if this will be helpful/applicable, but when it's hard to convince your body to eat I'm generally in favor of just going for anything that sounds appetizing to you even if it means eating ice cream 3x a day :P if it's a nausea thing, though, spouse may have some better recommendations, and I'd be happy to ask or send you their way. Best wishes and take care!

Per my last post, I'm catching up on old Asks, AO3 comments, and messages received during my hiatus! (Psst, go do my Fanfic Poll) This is so so so sweet of you, thank you SO MUCH! I rambled on quite a lot below the cut about my health journey the past year re: POTS and GI stuff, in case folks are interested in how I've managed. Disclaimer that I am NOT a medical professional and this is absolutely not medical advice, these are just my experiences and things that have worked well for me.

First off, what a DELICIOUSLY FAMILIAR COMBO of things! I was told at my last immunology appointment that I "almost certainly" (his words, not mine) have EDS (my mom has it, too, and my hips are constantly popping out of place) but 1.) I can't afford to go get diagnosed (see: unemployment, medical trauma) and 2.) one of my friends has been stalled for MONTHS trying to get a clinical geneticist to confirm her EDS diagnosis because, apparently, there is a great deal of resistance to testing folks for EDS right now given the increased visbility of EDS patients on TikTok. My partner is in med school and we've had really long conversations about the so-called "TikTok Triad" (POTS, EDS, and gastroparesis - which are all conditions that are acutally linked together with the clinical data we have) and how it's impacting both how physicians practice and the care that patients receive. This reddit thread is a good example of how this plays out, if you feel like braving reddit on this fine afternoon.

My neurologist is amazing and has done a lot to help me with my migraines... unfortunately the GI stuff is still kicking my ass. All of your recommendations are things that I've started doing over the last year to manage symptoms: my compression socks are my BESTEST FRIENDS and Drip Drop is my favorite electrolyte powder - they've got the best flavors imo and isn't as PAINFULLY SWEET as Liquid IV. I've also adopted a really high-salt diet. As far as appetite goes, my management strategy has been to smoke a lot of weed (I live somewhere where recreational use is thankfully legal, so it isn't difficult or unsafe to get ahold of it) but that's unfortunately expensive and can actually make persistent nausea and appetite loss WORSE over time (see canabis hyperemesis) so I've recently gone cold-turkey off of pot to see if I can manage the daily nausea and appetite loss with pharmaceuticals alone (namely phenergan). I'm seeing my GI in the next week and I'm going to lobby my ass off for a prescription appetite stimulant. I've lost a lot of weight in the last year (and I was already pretty small to begin with, so the weight loss has made my chronic pain a lot worse unfortunately) and I am a firm believer in following one's cravings in order to eat. I order a lot of take out and cycle through the same "safe" foods (usually some kind of cereal with soy milk, an Ensure protein shake if solids are an absolute no-go, and simple rice, potateos, and chicken works). The other night, my partner tried to entice me to eat an oreo ice cream sandwich during a bout of brutal nausea and I cried because I fucking love oreo ice cream but my body HATES having things inside of it <3 I've also found that excercise can SOMETIMES (not all of the time) help my appetite. I have a stationary bike and a basic set of weights at home. Stationary bike in particular is something I'd HUGELY recommend for anybody with POTS that deals with excercise intollerance. Sitting down to get my cardio is WAY BETTER than anything else I've tried in terms of how badly my symptoms get triggered. I'm also currently medicated for my POTS (I take ivabradine and it's made a big difference for my quality of life on the whole, especially with regards to the fatigue that having a constantly elevated heartrate will generate.)

I do appear to have some sort of motility problem (most likely IBS-C) and I'm taking medication for it that has HELPED, but not nearly enough. I poop more than once every twelve days now, which is awesome, but I'm still constantly nauseous more often than not (Zofran, Dramamine, and Phenergen are my bestest friends) and my appetite is nowhere to be found. Hopefully I can get my hands on some appetite stimulant. As for the nausea, I've been informed by my electro cardiologist that many, many POTS patients report diminished appetites and chronic, debilitating nausea, but that "the mechanism relating the two is unexplored and largely unknown." So basically he said, "that sounds ROUGH buddy. Good luck though!"

(Hence me sharing my strategies cause I know, colloquially, that lots of us are dealing with this.)

#trixree speaks #health stuff #POTS #EDS #chronic health conditions #disability tag #asked & answered

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naneun-no · 2 years

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It's kinda weird that the discussion is always on if jikook will ever officially come out because I'd selfishly like to see it and I think it would be earth shattering but I'm also not expecting every time I think of it I think of the namjoon who's gonna save the world vid. The point though is that Yoongi has been skirting a very thin line of not closeted to anyone with common sense but not officially™️ out and it's never a discussion on if he's ever gonna take that step it's always will jikook announce their relationship like that's not an even more complex conversation as for losing respect for them I think that parts wild because I really don't think that's something they owe anyone but I think I'd gain respect if any of them did ever went that route it doesn't seem impossible but again I'm not expecting it I don't even expect it from American celebrities and they are very decidedly not American

Hmm…that second sentence was one heck of a run on. Who are you, me? 😉 Bear with me, trying to follow you here.

I too think it would be earth-shattering. Between you and me (and anyone who reads this) I have this secret fantasy of the two of them showing up as a couple at the Met Gala. Idk why, I just feel like they would look amazing and it would be such a moment and I’ll just let it live on in my heart and mind since it will never happen in real life. Lol 😂

I’m honestly not sure which Namjoon video you mean… you’re not talking about the UN speak yourself speech are you?

It sounds like you’re saying that people put too much pressure on Jikook to come out not only as queer but also as in a relationship with each other, and you think there should be more of a balance and Yoongi should get some pressure too? Honestly… I’m not sure I’m seeing that pressure, or discussion like you referenced. Maybe the jikookers I follow are just exceptionally respectful, lol, but for the most part I see people understanding and accepting that we may never get confirmation of this relationship, and that honestly, we aren’t owed it. For the most part, jikookers (again, the ones I follow and interact with) are a respectful bunch who tend to have a fairly firm grasp of realistic expectations and cultural nuance.

You mentioned “losing respect for them”… like, if they don’t come out? I’m not sure what you’re referencing but I agree with you that it would be wild to lose respect for them over that. They are their own people and like you said they owe us nothing when it comes to their personal life choices.

You seem passionate about this and you didn’t ask for my advice but I’m going to offer it unsolicited anyways, so feel free to disregard: if there are shippers you follow who say disrespectful things like this about the guys or imply that Jimin and Jung Kook OR Yoongi need to “hurry up and come out” or something, I would say remove those people from your fandom experience. Unfollow, block, move on. There are times where it is necessary to consume content that is upsetting — like in the case of certain news/ world events or when we have to acknowledge injustice, etc. But I would argue that it is almost never necessary to consume upsetting content in a shipping space 😅 (editing this to add that I totally get the desire to argue against dumb opinions or behaviors and in fact will often engage with people on here to do just that — so I also encourage you to respectfully disagree with those people who have unrealistic expectations when and if you feel so inclined to do so. Just, you know. Manage your energy and space.)

In terms of the pressure for public figures to come out, @jikook-married made a great post about this recently that addresses the problems with that kind of thinking, I think you should give it a read if you haven’t already (it’s not letting me link her direct post for some reason so I’m linking my reblog of it):

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deliriumsdelight7 · 1 year

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I hope it is okay to message you about this I don't want to swamp Phoenix with messages since I'm sure she has many anons right now! I survived my abusive ex who tried heavily to lie and twist things on me within our community, despite that he started dating and hurting me when I was 15 (til 17 when he found someone else) and he was almost 30, the tactics he and his friends used on me and other girls really similar in that callout. 1) One of those callout people dug deep into her blog, found a selfie from a decade and while they did color out her face there seems to be others digging elsewhere like her twitter, a lot of it reads as if leading to potential doxxing will come next. 2) Another user has a separate callout for someone that is writing for their pleasure smut with ST characters x children between newborn to 12 among other original stories, how the children enjoy it. Commenters include a man who talked about how enjoyable it was to read, to keep it up, and how he was writing one about a 12 month old. So LIKE idk how phoenix shipping dustin x erica when erica is older based on their dynamic and thinking it'd be cute one day makes her a monster just like those people writing shit like that? The skewed mindset is shocking. Maybe it makes me an anti to say that, but like jfc one is shipping because fun dynamics, the other is making literary csa for pleasure purposes. Not the damn same and to classify it as the same IS FUCKED for other victims and survivors of that. the call out about that is here: percygranate / 717945449642967040 and I really think that this deserves a lot more attention. Phoenix should not be in a class like what this example is doing. This literally how people ruined Michael Jackson's life. 3) This isn't really info but I do hope this can reach peace for you all. It's triggering to read the callouts. Erica being a young black girl played by a young black actress, I understand wanting to protect her and what she represents to fellow black fans, it is different for black people and I think that does deserve space for a conversation. Trying to have a dialogue and clear up miscommunications/things taken out of context is how this should have been handled, not a trying to ruin someone's life with such an evil real criminal label over fiction. Just a lot of love to Phoenix, you, and everyone else directly involved.

Thank you so much for all of this information, Anon. I’m really grateful that you took the time to write all of this, and I’m sure Phoenix will be, too.

I’m very sorry to hear that you were groomed and harassed by your abuser, and I hope you’ve been able to find healing from that.

For your first point: would you be able to send me links to any posts on that blog that threaten violence, doxxing, or any other harassment? Phoenix and I are blocked, and in order for us to report the harassment, we need links of the behavior. If you’re comfortable, you can reach out to me in DMs and I will absolutely respect your privacy and not share your identity with anyone. If you feel unsafe doing so, you can by all means stick with anon asks. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.

For your second point: I wasn’t even aware such a thing was happening. If so, that’s pretty damn gross. I would prefer to stay out of any public call-outs for it, though, because call-out culture is what’s landed fandom as a whole into the mess it currently is. I’m going to stick to my policy of “don’t like, don’t read” on this one. But, for the record? Hardcore squick.

As a side note, I’d like to point out that the “underage Chrissy” concept does not exist in a vacuum. I was there, Gandalf. I was there the day (cough MONTHS cough) The Other Ship accused Hellcheers of being pedophiles, going so far as to say that Chrissy was the same age as Mike and Dustin and Eddie was 22. A bunch of Hellcheers decided that if that ship was going to make a stink over an eighteen year old and a twenty year old, we’d give them something to complain about. Phoenix was far from the only person to indulge in it. In fact, for a few weeks, the Hellcheer Prompts blog was flooded with nothing but requests for underage Chrissy fics. All of this is to say, there are massive amounts of context missing from those call-out posts. Context which I was there for. THAT is why I defend Phoenix, and will continue to do so.

And for your final point, I 100% agree that a respectful dialogue could and should be had before jumping down people’s throats. Unfortunately, for many people, joining a mob and organizing a witch hunt is often more rewarding than having a constructive dialogue. Anger and outrage are an addiction. But living like that, creating an environment that demands moral purity on pain of life-ruining accusations and violence, it’s only a matter of time before you fuck up and the mob you were a part of turns on you.

Thank you again for taking the time to reach out, Anon. It’s deeply, DEEPLY appreciated.

#fandom wank

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dawnowar · 3 months

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I don't know what happened

I was doing really good cross posting everything to tumblr manually and then I just lost it after the rosstheboss night at milwaukee for some reason im not sure of.

Since then i had a week of rest and and then i went back out to see Ross in The Dictators and had an awesome day where I got to spend some time with him and got to eat dinner with him and the man known as Athenar from Midnight who it turns out is a big fan of Ross' which makes so much perfect sense to me because you can hear it in the guitar solos which I'm told he writes.

I fangirled over the two of them discussing gear even tho i dont know shit about whateverthehell they were talking about because it was just so cool i was in this conversation at all.

Saw The Dictators play with friends and had an awesome time.

My Metal neighbor and friend Chuck died suddenly for no real reason that weekend. Wasnt sick or anything. Just had a seizure even though he had no history of such things and his heart stopped and after paramedics worked on him and took him to the ER, he was brain dead so his family decided to let him go.

Been checking on his wife and doing what i can to help. Mostly by idk talking a load of bullshit i guess because i never know what to say but i think it at least provides some distraction which is probably helpful at least here and there. She is the kind of person you can't keep down and I know she will survive this but I'm not sure there's anything much harder than that to survive.

All this happened in the same weekend. I've known Ross personally for 19 years now so i guess that makes us old friends. And we talked about everything and things and people and getting older and I told him to go to the doctor.

I called my other two oldest friends and did the same with them too.

Then I went back to work on Monday where no one even said good morning to me forget about how was your awesome weekend with The Dictators you've had planned for forever? Because they dont know who The Dictators are and they don't care. And they didnt have a good weekend because they are miserable people so they dont care if i had a good one or not.

In the morning i didnt know how to answer someones question and everyone was on the phone so I told the guy I'd call him back. When I asked I was told that was dumb because this was simple and didnt warrant a call back. I assured him i gave the simple answer but i didnt know more specfiics the customer was asking so this did warrant a call back.

Went to lunch and the dizzy saleslady talked to someone i was waiting on a call back from, and she didnt read my notes to find out what they wanted and didnt give me the message when I came in that they'd called. I figured it out later and called her over and showed her where to look for my notes when someone calls for me so if its something easy she can just give them the answer.

Two hours later a guy calls asks for me and im on the phone. She tells him ill call him back. at 5pm. Shes gathering her belongings to go home and now i have to stay afterhours to call the guy back. I'm like did you look at my notes? It literally says i was calling because I sent him a link he needs to click to set up his autopay. You couldnt tell him to do that? I need to stay afterhours because you couldn't read my notes and tell him to click a link?

Suddenly the boss thinks its totally fine to call people back for stupid simple answers when this morning it was terrible customer service and he takes her side over mine because he's an asshole in general and picks fights with me on the regular because either he hates me and wants me to quit but doesnt want to fire me since he has no real grounds because my work is just fine and he just hates me because hes a joyless fuck who takes his stress out on me for some reason.

Or he just thinks this is a normal way to treat employees and expects thats fine that he treats me like this.

My fault probably because I've been putting up with this bullshit. I've been there a year and a half and hes been an asshole the whole time but its a good job for me in every other way or at least i believed that and I didn't put him in his place, because hes the boss. You dont win an argument when you arent the boss. So I just didn't argue.

Basically he randomly picks fights with me and I get mad and he says im "being irrational" because he doesnt understand that im being MAD and not even a little bit irrational at all and thats a super sexist dick thing to say and the only reason i havent CORRECTED HIM is because i was trying not to get fired.

Because if i said what i thought i would certainly get fired. But he doesnt listen to me anyway so theres no reason to say anything really. He has never listened to me ever about anything. I tell him theres pink mold in the bathroom he says there isn't. I'm like you can see it. and i cleaned the bathroom my damn self even though I am certainly not the janitorial staff. I tell him there are ants he says no there are no ants. I buy ant traps and get rid of the ants.

Anyway I spent my weekend in some existential thought with my oldest friends and people most important to me, and this motherfucker picks a fight with me over a thing there is no possible way I am wrong about.

and that was it. Life is too short to have a boss whos an asshole. I left and didnt go back. got my stuff the next day. bye fuck you asshole. youve ruined enough of my days. So ive been unemployed and looking for work since. I got a job offer yesterday so it took a week and a half.

No clue if my new job will be any good or not but i went in for the interview and it's beautiful in there and there was calm soft music and the guy who interviewed me was basically selling me on the job instead of the other way around. Told me they have almost no turnover but they are opening another location so they need new people. Asked why i left my previous job. I told him it was a personality conflict and i was just so unhappy there. He said he used to have a job selling financial products to insurance agents and they're all crazy. He may as well have put his arm around me and said, "it's ok baby, i got you". It felt like that. Sent me a job offer a few hours later. Pay is less, hours way different, commute is longer, but there's benefits. I had no benefits at that shitty job with that asshole for a boss who did nothing but make every day suck for me. I have so many stories of what a dick he is. He interviewed someone for my job a month or so ago. Because he never took the ad down. I was there a year and a half! He stopped buying the coffee i like too. If he wasnt trying to get rid of me he's just really shit at treating people like he wants to keep them. The longer im gone the easier it is to see that wasnt as good a job as it seemed from the outside. It wasnt even close.

It was hard. and complicated. It took me about a year to become competent. I was just starting to get good at it. He really should have seen that as valuable and that he should treat me well since he had such an investment of time and money sunk into me.

But he didn't. He never complimented me on anything ever. He never said so much as Good job about anything at any point. He was just an asshole if i did something wrong or sometimes even if i didn't. He'd go off on me randomly and I'd just say OK because i'm not going to argue. Because if I get involved in this I'm going to end up with no job because I'm going to tell him what I think.

So basically this is what ended up going down except i didnt even bother to tell him what i think of him because he doesnt listen to me anyway and i didn't feel like i needed to tell him what i think of him or anything at all. He's a joyless asshole under pressure to have a successful business and he's not doing it. Probably because he's an asshole and its a very people-person job.

He wanted me to handle everything. Even though I didnt know how and i'm not the business owner. He was mad about me directing customers to him. When they ask for him because hes the business owner. Good luck being successful dude. I'm out.

This guy who just hired me literally told me that if people are angry that wouldn't be my responsibility to handle. I'd get the manager for them. I'm like ??????????? really????????? because its been my job to get yelled at for my last two jobs now for about the last four years of my life. In fact, at some point during the pandemic it was literally my job for a month to let people yell at me for not receiving their furniture and once they calmed down giving them gift certificates. I did that for a whole month when I was really sick too. Probably the worst month of my life.

and i had some moment where i realized all this work trauma ive been through for the last four years and I just breathed and relaxed. and decided even if this guy didnt hire me and even if he was just talking a load of BS, becuase this asshole boss told me what a great manager he was in the interview too, it just felt so good to have someone on the outside tell me how a person should be treated as an employee.

Because thats not how i was being treated.

for years now.

and thats why i quit.

He gave me validation.

and a job i hope i like and can stay at for a long time.

Went to the funeral today.

Dude died, i quit my job, got a new job before the funeral. That was a big relief. I never thought i was making a mistake having quit but probably i should have looked for a new job first and then put my notice in properly but #1 fuck this guy i was done and #2 i didn't do that so here we are.

I spent the inbetween time kind of panicking that i'll never be able to get another new job ever because of the way I quit. But then also i worked for myself for 8 yrs before the pandemic and I loved it so its fine if i cant work for anyone ever again. I'm my favorite boss. it'll be ok. I just didnt want to go to all the trouble to set my business back up and look for clients again.

Having said that i probably have spent so much more time and energy looking for a job working for someone else. It's been awful. Job hunting is so demoralizing. and its even worse than that now I think because i got so many scammers trying to scam me while I'm just trying to look for some employer to not care that i left my last job suddenly because i cant get along with my boss.

but i got a job and i slept so much better last night than i have in the week and a half since i quit my job.

The details arent finalized so it may not be a done deal but just having a job offer at all is a weight off my mind. and i went to enjoy the funeral today. Thats not the right word. you dont 'enjoy' a funeral but i was able to be fully present at the funeral and have conversations with all these bereaved people who were mostly just in shock. All of them. I mean no one was expecting this and it really just seemed like no one had gotten past is this even really happening. I was in this room full of people who were in some surreal land inside themselves. I did what i could to talk to everyone but I'm not even sure what I was talking about and they didn't seem to care either. It felt like everyone was just glad everyone else was there.

Funerals all suck.

Theyre always weird and wrong and unsatisying but i think thats the place, at least for me in my limited experience, where you start to really come to terms with the fact that this person is gone. I think thats what theyre for.

Whats even weirder is that I had a tiki theme party to go to after. Which made the whole day even more surreal as i changed from funeral black to Hawaii and from sad to happy.

But the happy party after really made me feel normal in a way I havent now since he died in the first place. Just chatting with friends about things. Not existential things. Just normal things. Like things are normal.

Found myself referring to "my job" and meaning the old one. I dont know what my new job is like yet. I dont even know what days off I will or wont have coming up. Which i just realized may be an issue since people at the party were asking if i'm going to show up for things. i'm like yeah i have the day off work. and i remembered later i asked for the day off work with a boss i dont have anymore and a job i dont have anymore so i need to make sure the new boss is cool with giving me these days off up front or i'll have to find a differnt job i guess.

but i am very glad i have a job offer and I'm very glad i have happy friends and upcoming plans.

I need to cross post all my tumblr posts for the last four weeks i think give or take now. I didnt mean to stop doing it.

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ujuro · 1 year

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saw your post abt hot issue/kiss of life whats going on??? or where can i read more abt the members ig (tysm in advance if you do reply but dont feel obligated)

Lmao it’s just industry stuff and nugu grind its nothing that should stop you personally from stanning the group (i mean Julie has said the n word but that’s a different thing I guess 💀)

I was just really invested in hot issue and really liked the group and the members so seeing them trashed after one cb pissed me off and seeing them trashed for another gg with slightly more well-known members instead of a bg like everyone thought enraged me. Like if you’re not prepared enough to get your group through a couple cbs to see if they take off then why are you even debuting them to begin with like what a waste of everyone’s time not to mention the uprooting the lives of seven young women like now yewon has to struggle through a survival show and mayna has gone back to China like good job everybody 🙃 it’s just a flat-out insult to the former members of hot issue and really any trainee in the industry who doesn’t have the connections of formerly being affiliated with a big 4 company (no one in the group has hybe ties as far as I can tell but the jyp yg sm links are all there)

So even though I like natty I just can’t particularly bring myself to care about this group or how it does. I mean nattys solo is also the only song of theirs I like so it’s not a big problem for me and like I said my anger at s2 entertainment shouldn’t stop anyone else from liking them. Also my definition of “not supporting” is different from most peoples lmao for me it just pretty much means not subscribing to their yt channel and shit-talking on tumblr I don’t have the money to buy albums to begin with and I’ve always flat-out refused to zombie stream songs

As for belle being a nepo baby that’s just a fact LMAO read her page on the kpop fandom wiki but alas she is not the most blatant nepo baby in kpop anymore that goes to my guy Anton in sms new bg alsjdhdhdhdhshshs she only held that title for like two months

I can’t believe kpop is now old enough and large enough that the blatant industry nepo babies are debuting instead of just the incredibly rich ones my girl sieun was a pioneer. Anyway I was actually legit angry when I made that post about belle but I don’t really care in all actuality (I mean sieun ranks last in my stayc bias order but that doesnt have anything to do with her dad or anything she did that’s just how it turned out). it comes with the territory but I WILL laugh at them a little bit cause what else can you do

So in conclusion idk stan kiss of life if you want but also stanning nugu groups is pain

(But also like hot issues cb/eventual disbandment song wasn’t even good it was just ok and the type of song that doesn’t ever chart so why was the company shocked it didn’t take off like it was an average song if the company had put more thought into their concept and given them a song that had shown off the members improvement between debut and cb MAYBE we wouldn’t even be having this conversation…anyway I’ll shut up now)

#words of mine

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cesium-sheep · 3 years

Text

it is still weird to me that she unblocked me and he didn’t. like, she had no ties to me before that, so it’s not gonna be to sentimentally “leave the door open” like I do for literally all but 2 people (fuckface and miya). could be to keep tabs on me, like my friends used to keep an eye on fuckface’s fb after the worst of it to help reassure my paranoia that he wasn’t in town, although I barely use fb and don’t generally link to these accounts from there. (on the other hand I know for a fact this account is pretty easy for him to find, cuz like I said. done it before, even after I changed my url to make fuckface stop reading it. so why bother making sure my fb is accessible in that case?)

idfk man, just one of life’s many mysteries I guess. it’s a weird brain day.

#really gotta get around to finding people who can tolerate That Side of me.#that's the main reason I'm thinking about it now all of a sudden - I actually have the energy to be a bastard.#but I ain't got anyone to be a bastard with.#I feel far too soft about my wife to roughhouse or toy with her like that #even though it's a fun game and a (very specific) form of relationship I like having in my life #although she's been kinda talkative lately which is nice #she was hyperfocused away from me for a while #(she's still hyperfocused she's just more likely to take breaks for conversation now lol)#on the one hand perhaps one worries about running out of things to talk about after a certain number of years #on the other hand I've known Da Gorls effectively my whole life and they were surprised to find out I don't like tomatoes recently lol #I should've saved the link to her alt that fb randomly recommended me.#I'm done picking for now promise.#I will say one thing I noticed (since if anyone is reading this tag they are also prone to snooping :v )#it seems that his reacting to her posts gets marked as 'and 1 more' in the interface since he still has me blocked #if that's the case he did react to the pfp of them together back in november #but he didn't react to the bad news about her dog or her more recent pfp #altho his pfp is still that same pic of the both of them so idk #idk idk I'm just. I'll always be curious about what the fuck happened.#and I'll always a little bit want to re-establish contact with this person who mattered a lot that I didn't voluntarily leave.#and I know very little of what happened but my best guess is there was an ultimatum so I'm off-limits as long as they stay together.#(as if I wasn't the one being honest with everyone and carefully pumping the brakes on the flirting the moment I knew there was a line.)#(it was a real fucked up situation and I literally can't see any wrong move that I made in terms of Moral Backbone.)#(could I have made different choices to get what I wanted? probably. would they have been the right choices? no.)#(I was upfront with both of them and I'm the one who got tossed out to sea for it.)#(ugh. whatever. it's just frustrating.)#(it will be less frustrating once I've finally filled in the holes in my support structure.)#(I just have been Physically Incapable of that.)

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all-thestories-aretrue · 2 years

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Just read your post about the stunning lack of Caleb/Nott/Yeza content out there and I get you friend!!! I am so wild about the whole dynamic going on between them. I'm on ep 62 right now and I am losing my mind over Beau asking Caleb if he's in love with Nott... Caleb standing quietly outside Nott's bedroom door... The longing, the complex feelings between the three of them... Idk where this was going I just!!! Am so glad I'm not alone with these feelings.

One of us! One of us! Yessss!!! I wish I had something eloquent to say about them but most of it is just incoherant screaming.

I went FERAL over that scene between Beau and Caleb. I think if she had asked if Caleb loved Nott it would have been an entirely different story. I still think he was just denying it though just a little bit. He loves her in all the ways its hard to be just in love with her, you know?

And Caleb standing outside her door. It still hurts my heart. I think about that at least 10 times a day. What was going through his mind? How exactly is he feeling? There are so many moments around all of that I would LOVE to talk to you about!!!

I still cannot believe that the entire fandom slept on them??? And Caleb and Nott in general??? It is mind boggling to me. They are individually and together some of the most interesting characters and dynamic in the nein imo. Im biased but hey. But there is so much POTENTIAL. The longing. The changing relationships and displacement. The healing and trauma. The co-dependency. Nott needing Caleb to change her back. Caleb relying on Nott early on.

And Yeza. Oh Yeza. The sweet halfling who is head over heels for Nott no matter form or her name. I can't with him!!! And I so wish we would get to see a conversation between him and Nott about Caleb and how everything is different. I don't think Nott would ever do that but it's nice to dream. But he has to know how close they are. And how does he feel about it? Is he jealous of Caleb? Does he feel bad for him? Is he understanding? I have questions!!!! In the end, I think he would do anything to make her happy, including inviting Caleb into their lives in whatever capacity she wanted.

Also ngl, I will sort of die on the hill that Nott's feelings toward Caleb are definitely changing, leaning more toward romance and the like than they were at the beginning of the campaign. I definitely won't spoil you. But like c'mon. And i have no idea how much what people said in the replies to that post actually happened, etc. But I hope Sam and Liam didn't drastically change anything about the story they wanted to tell because of people's reactions.

I also don't think its a coincidence that Nott's feelings are evolving as she rescues Yeza and reunites with him and Luc. I think Caleb and Yeza are beginning to represent much more to her than just her loves. They represent different ways of life, different values, different personalities. They have facets of her in both of them, and I think she's putting pressure on herself to choose. Neither Yeza nor Caleb seem too concerned about that or maybe aware of it? I just think there's meaning behind her shifting feelings and the fact she is being faced with this choice (as she sees it) now. Whether intentional on the part of Sam, no idea, and frankly, i don't really care lol.

But please always feel free to come scream at me about these two!! I'm always willing to listen!!! And I love hearing others thoughts about them!!!!

To sort of maybe hopefully quell this void in the fandom, I highly recommend you read this fic my lovely friend @gelatinouscute wrote for me. (If the link doesn't work, I can definitely message it to you). But it's very good!!!!

#critical role #cr2 #widobrave #mighty nein #the brenattos #caleb widogast #nott the brave #still dont have a tag for asks #but i meant what i said #im always interested in hearing others takes on them and whatnot #theres not enough nott and caleb and yeza content in this world #and it was not addressed in game enough #my first rare pair or ship or obsession or whatever #i have so much empathy for you who have rare pairs on the regular #this is NOT fun #also you didnt ask for an essay but you got one sorry

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moghedien · 2 years

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So I just realized that Greta is wearing the same red outfit in the “if coach says it’s okay, then it’s okay!” scene, as she is in the goodbye kiss scene. And quite possibly in the scene where Charlie is giving Carson a pep talk and she is glancing at them sadly. How are we feeling about this?

I have autism and am kind of tempted to make a spreadsheet or something similar of what outfits they were wearing for what scenes, and try to see if there is any meaning from it. (Aside from the obvious peaches outfit, their original practice/night/day practice outfits, and the ones that people have made posts about already like Greta’s date outfit and Carson’s favourite dress etc.)

Imma be honest, I don't really think much into the clothes symbolism

I'm not saying there isn't symbolism there, and I know that someone else has done a break down of it before (apologies I don't know who it was but feel free to link their post if anyone knows), its just not really where my brain goes, I guess.

honestly the most I think about clothes is like, I'm glad they have all of them repeat outfits fairly often because it shows that they all really are just living from what they brought with them. and also I like the detail of Carson saying that one dress is her favorite and then she wears it to the gay bar. and then she's still wearing it for most of episode 7 to the point where she leaves with Charlie still wearing what she wore to the gay bar because she and Greta never slept after it got raided and thus never changed. but I just like that detail because its painful.

Anyway, that red outfit. like I said, I don't really like think on the symbolism of their clothes much on my own (and I haven't read what others have said about it so I have no idea if I'm repeating takes here).

But.

Idk, you could draw some connection with Charlie, I guess. Because even though Charlie was in no way involved in the first instance of that outfit in episode 4, he kind of was? That scene is immediately followed by the scene where Carson tries to have sex with Greta for the first time and is overwhelmed so Greta stops it, and the first thing Greta asks when she stops them is if Carson is thinking of Charlie. Then later when they're having their snacks, Greta makes a point to acknowledge to Carson that she will go back with Charlie once the season is done and that she and Greta are just having an "adventure" (someone ask me about the use of that word because I have lots of thoughts on that lol).

Then yeah, Greta wears the red jacket twice in episode 8, like you mentioned. First is when Charlie is trying to give Carson the pep talk and you can just kinda see Greta watching them in the background and not looking happy about it. She isn't wearing it once they're inside, but once they're inside, Greta sort of has that conversation with Carson about how she needs to not be so focused on Charlie. Like in this instance she 100% means when it comes to baseball and how she's treating the team but like....you know. We know what else this could apply to, even if Greta definitely didn't mean it like that.

Then when they kiss before leaving, Greta asks if Carson if she's going back with Charlie and Carson says no (to which Greta looks genuinely so happy, you don't immediately see it because the camera is on Carson but its clear). Then like, we also know Charlie saw them kissing. So its like....idk what this all means but its something.

Also you can see those three scenes like 1) Carson making an active effort to be with Greta despite being with Charlie, 2) Carson seeming to make an effort to be with Charlie and not with Greta, and 3) Carson deciding not to be with Charlie but not ready to be with Greta completely

idk this all probably means nothing but I will dig until I've convinced myself there is gold, so I'll just stop here lol

#a league of their own #greta gill #carson shaw

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unalivejournal · 3 years

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u mentioned only reading kripke era fic do you have a reclist 👀👀👀and if not could you link some of ur faves cuz the stuff that gets circulated the most right now is all like late late seasons fic and kripke era is my favorite too but im having trouble finding that many fics for it or even seasons 6-10 era which im fine with also. its just that like. the last five seasons were so bad that it makes fic generally worse too because people have to jump off of just Thee stupidest plot choices no matter how good their prose skills might be. but anyway yea if u have recs that would be awesome :)

hi anon i was thinking abt making a reclist and u just gave me the perfect excuse thank u

jess adamilligan’s kripke era fic recs

from making this ive learned that i never bookmark ANYTHING. sorry all of these r like….. 10k and under. i DO read longer fic but i don’t have any kripke era longfics bookmarked & tbh i prefer short oneshots

season one gen

disclaimer because it’s unfortunately needed: NONE of these are w*ncest! they’re all completely tagged as gen and i did not read them with the intent of consuming ship content.

Coaster Park by fogsrollingin, 10.4k, G, gen

Coaster Park had been experiencing an unusually high frequency of technical difficulties. Dean wouldn't have pulled a shift treating nauseated, heat-stroked, or dehydrated park-goers for that if he could've helped it, but when 'technical difficulties' were accompanied by rumors of things moving and stopping on their own in front of the operators' eyes, Dean had to throw down.

No historical tragedies or disasters in the area, ectoplasm, or EMF. Dean's only lead was a battered-looking kid that'd been coming to the park every day since it'd all started.

really interesting au fic! slightly ‘it’s a terrible life’. dean winchester is a hunter/EMT and sam wesson is a college kid destined to die on a roller coaster ride.

two basic motivating forces by sahwen, 7.8k, T, gen

He can’t cry, it’s not allowed; even as a child he was hushed into silence, whether his tears were from a long car ride or a late night or a raging fever. It’s never been an option, it’s never been an available outlet, and it’s not about to start being one just because he’s having an emotional breakdown on the bathroom floor.

Sam isn't only afraid of clowns.

BIG emetophobia tw (both for graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting and for the fact that this fic is about sam suffering from emetophobia) for this one but it’s my favorite sickfic. portrays anxiety over getting sick really well and is a fascinating examination of the different ways that sam’s fear of loss of control can manifest itself. also has lovely brothers content <3

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Remix of Just as Easy as 123) by nwspaprtaxis, 4k, T, gen

Dean’s functionally illiterate and Sam’s determined to remedy it...

PLEASE READ THIS ONE god it’s so sweet. dean never learned how to read properly due to his nomadic childhood and sam teaches him how.

dean/cas

Broadway Musical by Griftings, 9k, M, m/m

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

somewhat of a fandom classic and the humor holds up wonderfully. a very silly fic completed with commentary from angel radio throughout the entire thing.

Sappiest Season by dollsome, 2.7k, G, m/m

In which Dean and Cas have to stop an evil Christmas tree (like you do), and it requires a little fake couple action.

hilarious little s5ish fic. one of the first i read when getting back into spn. i don’t want to spoil anything but this is my favorite pick me up and i still giggle randomly whenever i think about it

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday

Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

another fandom classic. ik this one is recced a lot but how could i NOT include it. dean and cas get married (mostly by accident) and they’re huge cunts about it

the one thing in the galaxy god didn't have his eyes on by prufrock, 2.4k, T, gen + m/m

“Wait,” Dean says. “Let me get this right. You can fly, right—you can teleport—but you can’t drive a car?”

or, after the events of S5E03 "Free to Be You and Me," Dean teaches Cas to drive. Cas finds it stressful

im always a sucker for a good ftbyam fic. also i can’t drive so. resonation

So Says The Sword by komodobits, 85k, E, m/m

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

NO introduction neede. i think everyone on spntumblr has read this already but still. if you haven’t then i am demanding that you read it NOW. tbh i’m just adding this one so that i have at least one long fic here 😭

the weight by @myaimistrue, 3.5k, T, gen + m/m

“Do you…” Bobby sighs. “Listen, Dean, do you have something you wanna tell me?”

It’s the conversational equivalent of being punched in the stomach.

Or, Dean works through some things with Bobby's help.

WHEN I SAW THE USERNAME I GASPED I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS U. anyway i Love coming out fics idk why i just do. the world is ending and dean comes out to bobby

canticles by 2street2car, 10.3k, T, m/m

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”

feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

another ftbyam fic that skepticalfrog (i believe?) recommended a while back. made me feel at least 28 new emotions

Epilogue by JayneL, 28k, E, m/m

Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means-- Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means--

Cas is no longer when he was. Lucifer sent him back.

Coda to 'The End'.

2014 cas gets sent back to 2009, feelings ensue etc. i don’t remember all the details of this one bc it’s been a while but it’s really good

bonus

currently reading

Fragile As We Lie by perilously, 11k, E, f/f

Dragging Bela Talbot out of perdition isn't so much a decision as it is a frantic choice based on gut instinct. Her soul is bright, if fractured, and Anna yearns to do good again after the perversion of free will that immediately preceded her death.

Bela's no ordinary human, though; she's prickly and damaged and beautiful, and Anna doesn't want to leave her side. So maybe they can figure out how to navigate post-resurrection, post-Apocalypse-that-wasn't Earth together.

#sorry i took a few days to answer this haha #asks #anon #fic recs

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