#My followers are the BEST!! HANDS DOWN
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BIRTHDAY HAUL courtesy of a very lovely friend of mine đ„ș
bonus goofy pics of a bday snack i had earlier with my favorite menace âŠ..
#snap shots#ew hand reveal#I CAN FINALLY BE THOSE PEOPPE WHO TAKE PICS OF THEIR PLUSHIES EVERYWHERE#my lovely friend (same one who got me the comics) told me about the taiyaki at the place i went to !!!#it was SO goof the crisp outer shell coupled with the chewy matcha layer and the cream cheese cream center bringing it all togethr.. perfect#ANYWAY COMICS I GOT !!!! i love this first class series so of course i got more âŠ#this set does. have issues i already down but more issues i Dont#and i said i wanted to read more scarlet witch stories this year no âŠ. hi dötter âŠ..#i actually wanted to see if i could find the 2016 story since i heard that was exceplent but alas#AND OF COURSE I HAD TO GET MY BOY BOBBY !!!!!!!!!!! i love him thats my son#maybe next time.. i felt so bad for my dad he had to stand around so long while i browsed for like an hour đ#time flies in comic shops i swear its limbo⊠MOVING ON#lest i forget illyana âŠ.. ill admit i know very little of course however when i saw people talking of this new series#ofc i got the metallic magik cover I LOVE METAL !!! shiny..#i figured now would be the best time to read up ⊠the art here is FANTASTIC#the vibes are immaculate too i love the horror overlay of it⊠i cant wait to see more of this series#and yk. read This one thoroughly i only skimmed it djAOSJWKS AND LASTLY excalibur.#flipped through it and saw charles was the protagonist AND he was in his chair.. a must buy i fear âŠ#i tried looking for older comics but i never have luck with that but im excited bout these !!#maybe ill get the rest of the excalibur issues- or at least read the rest online. i feel like theres important stuff in there#related to charles at least.. hey does anyone know what issues hve Danger and that whole arc with charles? i wanted that but i forgotâŠ#cashier was like âexcellent choicesâ girl ikâŠ.. i have perfect taste⊠idc if you just sayin that to be nice ik the truthâŠ#ANYWAY !! im sure im running out of tags at this point so for now FAREWELL TEAM#today was a lovely birthday and i thank the lovelies of my inbox (and just following!) for all the love today !!#ok im stretching the tag limit now BYE BYE !! ill read these later for now im sleepy âŠ#thank you so much again to my friend for these lovelt gifts i send her lots of love and care !!! ALL YOU DO THE SAME NEOW đ«” if you mayâŠ.
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i know ive made myself the #1 izutsumi stan in the eyes of all of my friends and probably some of you online people but what if i became a mithrun stan. there is something about him that compels me. i just want to *clenches fist* put him on the drying rack. lovingly stick him into a tupperware for later. make him into. a broth of some sort. do you understand
#posts that probably look deranged to anime onlies. listen you will understand#i love you vegetable scrap man! wet cardboard man! pathetic crumpled up piece of laundry!#dunmeshi#ok uh manga spoilers in the following tags#the dichotomy of favorite characters...#feral teen girl who always follows all her desires vs damp middle aged elf man who is incapable of desiring anything....#and the BEST thing with mithrun is kabru has to babysit him. like out of anyone to babysit mithrun. kabru is objectively the funniest#but like. seriously the whole. you will gain new desires every day! thing. sobs#i know a lot of ppl relate to mithrun for that. i personally relate more to izutsumi if im being real here#but mithrun still makes me go OOUUUUGHHGHGH THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO STRIVE FOR TO KEEP LIVING FOOOOOORRRRRRR#also i like his design. his very specific hair. the fuckin. big shirt over the armor im obsessed with. the missing eye#the way he goes from 200% when he's got the lion in his sights to -500% literally any other time#kabru being like AH POWERFUL ELF MAGE GOTTA GET READY TO DEFEND MYSELF SOME MORE why are u just sitting there. hello#i haven't posted any mithrun art bc i haven't had time to sit down and finish a real piece#but ive been doodling him on any scrap of paper that finds its way into my hands literally any chance i get#the whole weekend i tabled at animzement i just sat there and doodled izutsumi and mithrun in my notebook#im gonna draw him for real tho. soon. im putting in my 2 weeks tomorrow and then i will have more art time
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Stuck at my mom's house until the 27th, can't finish the comic I was working on until then :( here's a rough Cowboy!pinup sketch of Bumblebee and some Breakbee + Piston angst:
#I'll delete this later i just want to talk about it :3#not featured: WHY Piston is pulling a [REDACTED] on their sire#rubbing my hands together like a fly ooooooh do i have some angst in the works for you guys i just don't have a perspective tool rl#Okay i had the idea of a cute Bumblebee and Breakdown in cowboy hats with a bonus piston but then i had an Idea#yes that but then follow up later when its time to pick a side piston does a cowboy accent very sadly like they have to pretend its not real#the REASON is s3 bee and break fighting in the dome and bee lost on his back with Break towering above him with a [REDACTED] pointed at him#and Piston is beating on the glass WAILING for them to stop#but the view point is slightly behind breaks so he's HUGE and bee is small and Piston is even smaller in the foreground#they stop fighting but Piston can not forgive their sire for that Piston took after Breaks they were thick as thieves but no no#they saw the look in his eye the fear in bee and he only stopped bc shockwave called him off yes he was hesitating to pull and shaking#like a leaf knowing he was being used like a rabid dog to take down the autobot he has to pretend to hate but Piston will always wonder#if he'd do it and they can't decide and it eats them alive but that's their carrier and forgiveness is not cheap#bumblebee does what he can to talk Piston down its just business he didn't really mean it they ve had centuries of faking it but Piston#oh sweet Piston childish days are over their spark has been hardened#they arent on a path of violence or vengeance but when breaks seeks them out âcome with me we can be a real family on cybertron â#piston says âwe already wereâ#and later later we land on the So i guess that's it....i guess so.... you best get on out of here then#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#does piston ever forgive? no but they understand things kinda get better but it's different now#i think they're scared that they'll end up like breaks bc they're so much like him they looked up to him and loved him so much#and now they know they have the capacity to do something like that and be used like that and they're scared#just so so so SO scared and it bothers them breaks was forced into it and they just want to SCREAM#they just want to run away with their parents away from the war where no one can bother them and live quietly#transformers#maccadam#transformers oc#tf piston#worry not i shall draw these once I'm home#but i have a laundry list of other things i want to draw first
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The 2025 MotoGP journal (all 156 pages of it) is essentially finished but now the next step is to prepare the little guide on how to use it or, essentially, the list of tips that will help you understand my brain (when it built this) so you can make that journal suited to yours.
#journals lb#because at the end of the day this is meant for fun#you can delete the pages of things you don't care about!#you can track as many additional things as you want!#you can write down the results by hand or take a screenshot from the official results or one from the race#that's the best part of it (doing what feels best for you)#but I know that maybe this can look overwhelming at first so I just want to write down my tips / ideas so it can maybe help a person or two#also it's not 156 pages to fill there are a lot of informations & titles and stuff#but 4 pages per weekend already make for 88 so#(and there is one for moto2/moto3 that you can deleted if you only follow motogp)#I made pages for the tests and various choices of covers etc etc
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Hey if youâre still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me đ please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (âShe was writing kids books!â They said. âShe didnât know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didnât examine it closely. Itâs a mistake anyone could make,â we said. âShe would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,â we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of âmaybe she doesnât realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERFâ and then âhow could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things sheâs retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her workâ and finally âoh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.â
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasnât trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. Itâs weird to discover that thereâs a room in your house thatâs rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you canât live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending itâs still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadnât yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because whatâs going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic childrenâs books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I donât want to see or think about this shit either and Iâm sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. letâs wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#Iâve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I donât want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and youâre still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. weâre done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that itâs not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic childrenâs books.
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speaking of the shirt. proper fit this time
if you want your own heres the link to the png
#his crying face getting distorted is so funny to me#anyway beloved mewtchuals and cherished followers. go to a local print shop and get yourself a shirt#best 34.99 I've ever spent hands down#ghost posts#image#my face#wwx
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Coda and Ichor! (Catacombtale Style!)
These two don't have a *ton* of interaction in the Main story, but since Ichor and Balance are the only two characters I've fully designed, Coda gets stuck next to him, haha!
BONUS art jumpscare:
These two actually exist in another project I'm working on too called Codex, which is basically just removing the UT aspects of Catacombtale and doing a lot more worldbuilding and character design!
Coda is older in Codex and is marked by an old God (which should get him jailed or killed, as it means for everyone else) but he hides it for years and years before he finally flees the complex he's living in to go confront the gods and stop their destructive path. Meanwhile Ichor is much the same, only he's much more ready and willing to help Coda without much prompting. Here he's also sort of a Koi Fish! (His brother is a Betta Fish)
#utmv#utmv sans#utmv oc#my art#spot!drawn#utmv art#Catacombtale#Ichor Sans#Coda#ichor#Ichor is so funny to me because his Brother (Reward) uses puzzles and then a final battle as his âChallengeâ but Ichor?#his Challenge is to tell him the best Pun you know. He is the God of Puns after all!#(I think he hides his true nature as God of Punishment from the player as long as possible. saying his bro is so cool for being a major god)#Coda is a human with a lot of integrity and stubborn morals. even Determination can't escape the Gods wrath. but integrity?#Gods have a code to respect a soul who follows their own nature and still co-exists despite it just like themselves#so Coda is primed to help out.#his sister is about 7 abd she's a soul of Bravery#which means Hearth (who watches over her as a safe-space from the eyes of the other gods) has his hands full#trying to keep her from charging after Coda#Coda is so funny because he'll just walk in sonewhere and start a âNuh-uhâ contest with any given god and like... usually ends up winning???#and usually the Challenges are more gentle because he's still a young mortal. hardly a Hero. certainly not the one of prophecy#everyone figures Asgore or Undyne will kill them but uhhh. yeah. no that doesn't happen.#There's a lot of Lore here but like...#one additional thing is that in the story Coda manages to spend enough time with Ichor to obtain an item#âSans' Protection Charm.â /Ichor gave it to you. Says to keep hold of it when facing danger. It seems like an old keepsake./#that charm is one that Ichor carved years and years ago and he only gives out charms to mortals he cares for#not only has the underground seen his rage boil (even while chained) but they have also seen his sorrow. no one wants to be the one to kill#the mortal he has deemed harmless. some fear he might have another outburst. others worry he'd fall down.#it has no real stat changes but when Coda equips it? it's like turning on Easy Mode for Godly Challenges
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When folks are sometimes talking about Princess Tutu returning as a show, I donât generally agree with that, the show is perfect as it is. However, what I want to have is the spinoff show about Kharon. What is it like to be a dad for the most unhinged teenage boy in town? I want to know.
#princess tutu#kharon#or however you spell his name I watched this first time when we only had fansubs and character names were a wild west#fakir princess tutu#just gotta love Kharon having to second hand witness whatever is going down but never seeming to hold any openion on it#his only moment of character Development being âshould I encourage my traumatised teenage a#son to follow path that will lead to his doomâ and magic baller princess#ballet princess telling him that âyes you shouldâ#he follows the showâs trajectory of âtrying very hard but not having the best methods for achieving Xâ
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we watched ep2 of s2 and. oh god i dont wanna say it... but the png lock ppl were right.
#WHAT HAPPENED MAN#ep1 was still good?? it made us hyped for the rest of the season...#the shift was so palpable it was crazy. i felt it. i saw it happen before my eyes and had to pause so i could warn finn#there were like a total of 6 good shots in the ep. chigiri's running shot was the best hands down.#it was soooo hard to follow like it was near incomprehensible. so many closeups and still shots.#we had no idea were the ball was going 90% of the time.#the fact that they throw an abundance of effects on it to mask that theres no animation doesnt help either.#tedtalks#it was so bad that finn even said we were too hard on opm s2... then you know how dire it is.#also finn insisted i use this gif for this post. lmao. we found it as a reply on the opm twitter and couldnt stop laughing.
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Episode 8 I am so scared....
#mel magical girl transformation.... her mother's weapon... christ... mel will save them all vi step aside!!#this is so funny... mel with her bodysuit and golden bodypaint walking thru the valley with her new pet crow.... slay#SINGED WILL CONTROL VIKTOR???? AND VANDER??? AMBESSA ENOUGH! VIKTORS VOICE OMG!!#LORIS REMINDING VI OF VANDER NOOOOO I KNEW THIS WAS COMING!!! CAILTYN TAKING MADDIES HAND AWAY FROM HER AKDJSK#arrested jinx???? OH MY GOOOD JINX!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HER PUPILS ARE SO WIDE SHES SO OUT OF IT#YES CAITLYN END THE CYCLE!!!!! they repaired the council table with golden stuff.... YES JAYCE FINALLY REALIZED!!!! OOF NOT THE BEST MOMENT!#UPSIDE DOWN KISS COME ON!!! Viktor realizing too that it has been all jayces fault.... this is so sad.... what a breakup#silco talking to jinx about breaking the cycle... he became a hallucination too.... not so bad like the others thats inch resting#THE HUG NOOOOOOO YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH HER????? SHES GONNA DIEEEEEEE NOOOOOOO VI AGAIN IN PRISON UNABLE TO SAVE HER SISTER!!!!!#theres no good version of me after we just fucking saw it im gonna be sick.... SEVIKA AND THE FIRELIGHT GUY IN THE COUNCIL ROOM??#what tf are you wearing jayce.... an outsider force putting an end to a civil war who woulda thot.... OMG THE PARALEL TO THEIR FIRST MEETING#WHAT THE HELL!!! NOT IN THE PRISON CELL!!!! AFTER VI JUST TOLD HER THAT??? AKDJAKSJ CAITLYN HOLD YOURSELF!!! my god i need a pause#vi does look so good from the back.... but my god why are they doing this now akdjsksjk maddie is upstairs akdhaksn WHYYYYYYY NOW????#no WAYYYYY WE GOT HER BACK TATTOO REVEAL NOW!!!!!! WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLL OH MY GOOOOOD VIIIII GOING DOWN AND LOOKING UP THANK YOU GOD!!!!AAA#cait laughing... girl i would too... that was all so detailed too like damn... vi was amazed by the Kirammountains....#so thats it... can i be honest.... a little too unemotional.... like their kiss was something else entirely....#but this is vi just going DAMN!!! RIGHT NOW!!! and pouncing... which i understand but their bed scene... come on.. i needed to cry with this#so no talk about reconciliation..... *throws phone on the floor and jumps in skateboard and breaks it in half*#vander dying with viktors humanity..... and sky.... viktor getting his mask.... my god.... and vander losing his memories.... should we all#talking tag#watching arcane season 2#watching arcane#you know i understand caitlyn admited she was manipulated and what vi said about second chances but.... apologies please.....#oh now i get it she sent the guards to the gates so jinx could escape..... alright alright... i thought she did that only so they could fuck#well vi did follow her sisters advice and got with her i guess akdhaksjak which okay is nice bc she said she didn't need to feel guilty#about being happy.... alright i understand now *viktors voice*#alright i was slow my bad... vi pounced on her bc she is just so grateful that she let jinx go and cailtyn did let go of her anger.... aight
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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another GOOD fuckin day!
spent the morning doing more organizing/downsizing, then a friend stopped by and we went on an impromptu thrift store trip to exchange a jacket from yesterday, and instead I got a cute windbreaker and an old brown leather belt!
after that i went to a small ecology workshop, and it wasnât a lot of new stuff, but it was a fun refresher, and the class was mostly older women who are involved in like community gardening and stuff. three of them stopped to talk to me afterwards, and one runs a local âgardening for beginnersâ workshop in her free time, but professionally sheâs a vegan chef from Japan!
anyway much cool stuff, i think i handled the socializing really well. in fact, i mustâve looked extra friendly today bc i was stopped three times on my walk home, twice by people looking for directions, and once by an older man looking for his escape artist cat (he was on his patio just asking if iâd seen him. i had not, unfortunately. he said if i saw him he WILL NOT respond to his name but if you make little noises at him heâll come over for pets.)
anyway. thatâs me using this as my journal again.
#sorry to my followers who donât wanna see this but also#my brain is soup as my best friend would say and if i do not preserve memories somewhere i WILL forget they ever happened#and my dyslexic ass is not about to write all this out by hand#and if i wrote this privately somewhere i will forget to ever look at it again#whereas here i occasionally peruse the tags again for a stroll down (soup) memory lane#also funny thing about the jacket we returned#we did NOT return the same jacket i bought yesterday#instead we returned a near-identical one my best friend already owned but didnât fit as nicely#bamboozled them with the good olâ swaparoo#anyway thank u if you read my random rambling about my life i hope you had a good day#or at least got to breathe some fresh air! or pet an animal maybe!#personal#my face
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the marker of my final piece this year has so spectacularly missed the point of my story that i want to fucking scream
#sami rambles#what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck#i got a B which may not seem bad but that story is the best thing i've ever written hands down and i poured my heart and soul into it so :D#for context its a story following the lives of 4 queer people at one night in a queer bar in 1950's LA#and this straight white cis woman told me 1) that i should consider using a less cliche and overly-used space like the gay bar#which ?????? bitch in what world do films use gay bars that much i can think of 3 things ive watched that have had gay bars in them#and most of those are modern#then secondly she said that i should introduce more tension into each of the stories when the whole fucking point of this#was to let these queer characters exist and breathe safely for one fucking night of their lives#i wrote about that in my fucking critical reflection. at length!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#how fucking DENSE to you have to be#and then the other thing that brought my mark down was something my tutor told me to do which ?????#HAHAHAHAHA#i'm so fine its not like my entire identity and mental health depends on my ability to write no siree!#definitely not feeling super depressed rn or anything !!!!#anyway sorry. i needed to vent.
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#delete later#hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right#I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing#is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway#now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth#and never be aware again#loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel#i just want it to stop#i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel#ugh#I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these#part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable#on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck#I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually#maybe#god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh#what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore#all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of#you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could#.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted#want to be wanted.#.....sigh#.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up#so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work
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Just from a design standpoint, it's very disappointing that all the folks with bright, light color schemes (Yang, Weiss, Sun, etc) are also light skinned when it would be best to make them dark skinned - Sun and Yang especially given how little representation dark skinned Asians have
By doing this, Yang would finally be free of those awful brown slops of outfits while Sun and Weiss would stop disappearing into their white clothes because â~contrast~â would finally exist
#rwde#i watched the video of a darker black woman skate-dancing in a bright yellow outfit and she was so beautiful#its one of the best videos on the internet hands down#but it really would be nice for darker skinned asians to have their time to shine bc the colorism is p abhorrent#love how white supremacy taints literally every culture on the planet (: its so great (: love every second (:#either way it just makes sense yeah? if you want a hard bright color like yellow to be your main color then you gotta balance it w darkness#instead of attempting to desaturate it w the most vomit looking colors known to man#and im not saying we HAVE to do this#esp w weiss considering her story v much follows the White Mindset#and changing her race would have some v negative impacts on her arc and implications for the audience#it would feel too close to the derailing argument of 'well black people in africa had white slaves so it evens out!!1!' imo#for weiss specifically they need to bring back gradients and lining the outfits w her teammates colors so it doesnt blend w her skin#for Sun they need to bring back his FUCKING MELANIN#and also make him hairy instead of a twink but thats my personal beef. i like my men looking like a rug lmao#for yang they need to figure out her damn colors bc shes dom yellow but theres also orange brown and a spot of purple#what the hell are yall going for here??#idk im thinking abt colors today bc im in an artsy mood lol
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After his waking conversation in the inn, Alaun turns to introspection. [A further look into the paladins head and his reasons for following the code]
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Surrounded by unknowns in a city once filled with life, the inn was a place of rest and small comforts.
The latest paladin to walk through it's doors had finally woken, tension bleeding out of his body, not once it was confirmed he was safe, but when his hesitant offer to stay and protect was refused.
It's like Seelah and Wenduag said, paladins are crazy. Allthough they meant it very differently.
Alaun was a paladin, but first he was a soldier. He had an underlying practicality, and understanding of people. The so called 'naivete' of paladins was less ignorance on his part, and more shoving your hand into what you know is a deadly trap and praying to whatever god can hear you that you can defuse it before it takes the limb.
He probably wasn't the only paladin like that, calculated recklessness is par for the course and just because you believe and follow your oaths doesn't mean you don't know better.
Blind faith in people is hard to come by in the world wound, so hard it almost comes back around to trust. The place is so bleak and your chances alone are so slim, what does it matter if you die to a centerpede or a blade in the back. Dead is dead. Well mostly.
A long way of saying he knew wenduag was not entirely on their side. That the hope she would stick around was doomed to wither- or die to locusts and hellfire. It made him all the more a fool he supposed. But he had been a fool for a long time, and he would be for much longer, gods willing.
He did believe in helping people, in walking with an outstretched hand, in making what little good you can in this world.
But he had woken up entombed by the corpses of his comrades, woken up to flashes of traitors opening the gates to the demonic hordes that had been laying seige.
He woke up to a broken city drowning in corpses.
With him alone, shimmering with Iomedaes light, alive.
He would not let this city share the same fate.
#alaunius#Can u tell I saw Wenduag and her chaotic evilness and went. Hmm this will have no effect on my lawful good paladin#Anyway moral complexness wooo#I hope I got across that he does follow his code and definitely believes in kindness and helping#Like his actions follow the code#But his thoughts?? Ehh#I see the breaking point#If any#Being when he knows kindness and helping to one group/person will damage another#And he has to choose. Cause he's fine with shoving his hand in the proverbial bear trap#But another's? No way#Woo! Maytr complex allert#<- he wakes up buried in a pile of corpses while his city burns down around him. Boi has issues#Look it's not a rpg charecter without a supremely angsty background#What is pwotr? A ttrpg rpg? Just an rpg? A great game? Who knows which of these labels is the best?#I'm calling it an ttrpgrpg cause it's a stupidly long acronym and that's funny to me
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