#My dysphoria gets worse and worse.

[i-still-dont-know-a-username]

.

[vent warning in the tags. I'll be okay. I'm just feeling bad and need to scream into the void. Do not be worried about my physical well-being, that's not in danger.]

[yuridovewing]

i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.

what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.

in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?

obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)

[nicnsmth1]

based on the broken doll face art trend!! I've been wanting to draw it for a while but didn't have any clue on who to draw it in but since a few weeks ago I've been very dysphoric and was down abt my appearance, I decided to cope by drawing shizuha going through it too TT

I think it's obv how personal shizuha being transmasc is to me, but I think this drawing showcase it the most. Depicting both my happiness when it comes to being transmasc and also how dysphoria feels through shizuha is very important to me <3

[eatingoutmen]

sick of this bullshit.

[necromancelena]

Great. Get a text three hours before my appointment that the doctor is sick and it's cancelled and they don't know when my rescheduled appointment is gonna be now but probably not for a month. Also got to find out from the pharmacist that the doctor forgot to order my estradiol refill. Looks like we're doing this shit again.

[sureuncertainty]

had to call out of work today again for the fifth day now bc of what I think is a bronchial infection that also triggered the asthma that I always forget I have to the point where my cough kept me up all night last night wheezing and sometimes physically unable to breathe and on the verge of passing out so that's funnnn

[ghostboyhood]

yeah

[izzy-b-hands]

Checked my old med records re: transition dates bc today's Pl/Pa appt is probably going to be a fucking doozy where I anticipate being quizzed on my transition thus far and future goals for it

And double checked the year to find out A. my memory is shit and I was off a year but also B:

Next year will be my 5 year anniversary on T!!

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

why do I feel so off lately and why is a fuck ton of dysphoria hitting me out of nowhere ajshsjshs I don't even know what it is but I just feel so awful and don't even recognise myself, I just want to tear my skin off cos everything feels wrong :(

[pixlmonkeys]

ok aaaaaaa ermm we r good we r so good rn errrrmmm

[scorndotexe]

i'm so angry at everyone and myself

[macaron-vents]

Can someone give me some love please

(Don’t encourage me to live like I’m not doing that

But I see so lots of lifestyle jirais or yanderes or whatever type of person piques my interest beg for post interaction and they actually get a little bit.

I assume I don’t get it because I’m not aesthetic or beautiful or relatable or constant enough.

But that’s not me, what I want to post is something meaningful. Like vent art or characters or scripts. I’m sure it’s narcissistic thinking but I believe some of my imaginary conversations could actually hold merit to not just me. And the way I describe my body and physical feelings or whatever. I’m terrible at everything, and you can see it clearly with what I currently try to post. So I don’t know where I’m getting this from. But like, would I really rather this fake deep stuff then yelling and kicking and screaming? I see people do that here all the time and get notes. But I’m worried it attracts the wrong sort of people/I don’t want to be seen as violent/it’s stupid to use that energy in such a way/i dont want it to then become an expectation. But choosing the creative way out is much harder and visibly no one cares because it’s not good.

I don’t even know why I want notes. I’ve become one of those disgusting phone zombies. I hate it. I just want what I produce to be good. It’s not good to me and it’s not good to other people. And nothing related to this is going to bring him back. And then there’s what exactly I am supposed to say about him in general-

No one likes anything I do. I’m not sharing anything I have done in the past so that’s probably why but then I’m just leeching off of what I used to be. I’ve really, really regressed. I’m just going to keep getting more and more vile. But then I think saying that jinxes it. But then I think it gets me closer to the death that I want, if I drive myself so far that I can’t deal with it anymore and silence everything.

And then I think, is this not the worst it has ever felt? This is the longest he’s been gone? Am I living to spite that? My body is so grown and fat and feminine and it’s just going to get worse? I went to miku expo after waiting for four years and didn’t feel a fucking thing? I think hate all my friends? The exams have been and gone? I could say a million more things about him but I don’t want to make it like it’s all his fault? It is all entirely related to him though? If it isn’t, I don’t love him anymore?)

Come back, so I can be me again.

I wasn’t even me when you were here before. Last time I was me was when we were happy together, right? I’m not even sure about that anymore.

Fp could say, “I don’t think we’ve ever been happy together”

I’d say “think of individual moments” “though those kinda end up happening all the time”

I just love you, my thin, flat, double edged sword. Seen so much slaughter, convinced it’s your doing. Yet You’re not the only sword. Interpret that however you please.

Maybe that would be not him, instead, the idea of him, my perception of him, my him. I love run on sentences. I can’t wield him and I can’t make him silence me. And I’m the one hurting myself, because I’m attention seeking and emo. Nothing is ever his fault. Can’t be here, he’s not even here.

I’ve even regressed in that-

[doodles-and-oodles]

WAIT NO WAY IT WAS PRIDE MONTH AND I DIDNT BUY A PACKER IN TIME. LOST OPPORTUNITY F IN THE CHAT

[wormsdyke]

when will they make a top surgery that is free and painless and has no recovery time and involves no blood and no one has to look at my chest at any point

[tinidor-theodore]

i need an older post transition trans man to hug me while i sob and tell me its going to be okay

talking in tags :PP

[tiredtboy]

'my daughter is fine' your son is trying to duct tape his chest flat