#Murph monologues

[throatofdelusionincarnate]

Honeybee

Horror! Sans x Reader Oneshot

Here’s a little self indulgent crap from me to you because I cannot get my mind off of Horror Sans lately :)

Might be posted to AO3 later under the same username throatofdelusionincarnate

Word Count - 2,478

—

The soft grumble of thunder draws you from your sleep. You turn, glancing at the clock on the bedside table and blink a few times. Six thirty. On a Saturday. You rub your eyes and sigh. Soft rain patters against the window of your apartment and beside you Sans slumbers on.

You watch his large chest rise and fall for a moment. When you first got together, you thought it was a choice he consciously made. Something to make him seem more human. Though, after months together, you had realized it was just something he did. Perhaps it serves a purpose, pumping magic through his body as yours does blood. Or maybe it’s just a subconscious habit that he’s picked up. Either way, his large breaths comfort you.

Gently, you place a hand on his skull, just directly under the large wound that decorates the top of his head, and stroke his cheek with your thumb.

You won’t be able to go back to sleep, not with the growing thunderstorm outside. Still, there’s no reason to wake him up. You know how difficult it is for him to sleep, and you’d prefer that he gets the rest he needs. You can entertain yourself for a couple of hours.

You lean forward and place a chaste kiss on his brow bone. He stirs for a moment, then returns to his rest, a stifled snore escaping. A small laugh leaves you and after one final peck on his nasal cavity you swing your legs over the bed.

The apartment is cold, per usual, and goosebumps climb up your legs before spreading to your arms, then tips of your fingers. You shuffle towards the closet, each step feeling like ice beneath your feet.

You disappear inside the small walk-in, shutting the door before turning on the light. The sudden brightness causes you to squint, and for a moment you only stand there, adjusting to the feeling of being awake.

Once you can finally see, you rummage through your clothing for pants and some socks. You slip on a pair of very loved sweatpants, tying them at the waist so they don’t fall down. Then, you perform your best balancing act as you put on your socks. Regrettably, you roll the sweatpants over them, hiding the bacon decal and the phrase “make today sizzle!”

After your legs and feet are successfully bundled up, you turn to Sans’s stash of clothing and grab out a comically large grey sweatshirt with red lettering that says “BAD TO THE BONE” on it. You slip it over your pj shirt, allowing the hem to hang just above your knees. You swim through the sleeves for a moment before your hands emerge and you can push the cuffs to sit at your wrist.

You shut off the closet light then stumble out of the dark bedroom as Sans continues to softly snore.

The world is quiet save for the interspersed roll of thunder. So long as you’re up, you might as well make some breakfast. By the time you finish Sans will most likely be awake. His rest comes in short bursts.

If you remember correctly he crawled into bed at two last night. Four hours is longer than he normally sleeps, but the rain does tend to make him more tired than usual.

You pull your phone out of your pocket and click on the music app and press shuffle. A soft song radiates from the speaker and you leave the phone propped up on the counter to play as you cook.

Slowly, you collect your ingredients, settling for pancakes and bacon. You hum along to the song, whisking pancake mix together with milk, extra vanilla, and a dash of orange juice.

The rain grows heavier outside, pounding against the kitchen window. The occasional streak of lighting brightens the room before thunder overtakes it.

You pry open the package of bacon and set a few slices in the pan, watching them curl and sizzle against the heat.

Thunder booms and you jump as a large set of arms are folded around your waist.

“m’ sorry. didn't mean to scare you.” You settle into the grip, looking up to see Sans standing over you.

A small laugh spills from you. “The thunder startled me, though I still can’t get over how quiet you walk.” He leans his head down and you press a quick kiss to his teeth. “Did I wake you?”

He straightens back up and shakes his head. “nah, storm got loud. slept for too long anyways.”

Gently, the two of you begin to sway. He rests his skull on top of your head. You pull an arm free to grab a fork then flip the bacon over to let the other side darken. “Ah yes, because five hours is such a crazy amount of time to sleep.”

Sans just hums in response. The two of you will probably end up on the couch today, so you’re almost certain that Sans will get another couple hours of sleep. You might sneak in a little nap yourself. The rain is definitely making you drowsy despite just having woken up.

“Chocolate chips in your pancakes?” You ask, pulling out the bacon and setting it on a paper towel-lined plate.

“you know me so well,” he rumbles above you.

“I should hope so,” you grab a small measuring cup and dip it into the batter, then pour it onto the pan to cool. “We’ve been dating for almost a year now. I’d be a poor partner if I didn’t know how you liked your pancakes,” You pour more batter into the pan.

“You’re gonna have to let me go if you want chocolate chips.”

“or we could awkwardly shuffle over to the cabinet together.” Sans offers.

You roll your eyes and tap on his arm, “C’mon big guy, let go.”

A small gasp escapes you as you're lifted off your feet. Sans cradles you, a large grin on his face. “hmm… don’t think I will.”

You squirm a bit in his grasp, giving him a playful glare. “Sans the pancakes are going to burn.”

“i like mine a little crispy anyways.” He says.

“Well i don't!”

He shrugs, red eyes tracing over your features. “i ‘spose i can be persuaded… if ya got something good to offer in exchange for your freedom.”

“How about a not-charred breakfast?” You answer.

“tempting, but i might need a bit more. inflation is crazy right now.”

You sputter under his gaze. “You’re unbelievable!”

Though despite your protests, you stretch upwards, pressing your lips to his teeth. Sans returns the gesture, melting into you before pulling away. “There, now can I flip the pancakes?”

“m’ afraid you forgot tax.”

“Oh my god,” you deadpan. “How do you stay open with these business practices?” This time, you reach your hands up and pull his skull to you. Your nose presses against his cheek and you nuzzle him.

“what can i say,” Sans beams, red eye blown out and a light blush on his face. “my customers are very loyal.”

Finally he sets you down, though one hand still holds yours. “No accounting for taste,” you say, giving his fingers a quick squeeze before letting go.

Sans lingers, turning to lean against the counter as you grab chocolate chips. You scurry back to the pan and open up the bag before sprinkling the chocolate all over the pancakes. Then, you grab a spatula and flip them.

The tops are a very dark brown, verging on black. “These are yours,” you declare, nudging Sans with your hip.

He shrugs, “m’ not picky.”

You smile, “Yea I know. You’re my big cuddly garbage disposal.”

“who else is gonna eat the tomatoes off your burgs?” Sans’s hand sneaks forward, slipping into the bag of chocolate chips. He pulls out a small handful and tosses them into his mouth.

Playfully, you swat at him. “We’re not gonna have enough for the pancakes if you eat all of them.”

He ignores you, and grabs a single chip out. Sans makes eye contact with you, and you silently return it, daring him to. He does. With a self-satisfied grin he pops it into his mouth.

“You little shit!” You exclaim, snatching the bag up and setting it on the opposite side of you, away from his reach.

“awhhh c’mon hun,” he attempts to reach over you but you place your full weight against him to keep him back. You know he can easily move you if he wants to, but this is just play. Plus, he enjoys letting you win. “it’s just a few chocolate chips, i ain’t hurtin’ anyone.”

“I would like some in my pancakes,” you huff. “Once I’m done with them you can have as many as you wang.” You let up on the pressure and grab the spatula, putting the two slightly burnt pancakes on a plate. Gently, you push it into Sans’s hands. “Go butter these, hm?”

He sighs, “making me do manual labor this early in the morning? butter be grateful you’re cute.”

You snort, “Awh, you’re making me melt.”

“heh, good one. this is why you’re my butter half.”

Sans moves past you, plate in hand. As he crosses, you can see a skeletal hand try to reach into the bag. You gasp, and slam your hand down on the opening just before Sans can steal anymore chocolate.

“my genius plan, thwarted.”

“Butter luck next time,” you grin, hand still over the bag.

He chuckles, “you might’ve won for now, but I’m gonna get that chocolate eventually.”

He walks to the table, stopping quickly to grab a knife from the silverware drawer, then sets to work on doctoring up his pancakes.

With him gone you whip up a couple more batches, saving a generous handful of chocolate chips for Sans. The lull of rain and music settles you after your playful banter and you find yourself lightly humming along as you gather various accouterments for your meal.

You set the plate of pancakes in front of Sans and he gets to work on buttering those while you travel back and forth from the kitchen. You bring out the bacon, whip cream, syrup, and then two glasses with a couple juice options.

Finally, you settle in your seat across from Sans. He offers you the plate of pancakes first, knowing that you’ll take whatever you want and then he can have the rest.

You take two of the six and stack them on your plate before handing it back to Sans. Then you grab a couple of slices of bacon before sliding that over too. He eyes food and grabs the syrup, dousing his plate with it.

“Oh!” You exclaim, standing up. He lifts his gaze curiously as you dart back into the kitchen, grabbing the remaining chocolate chips. You set the bag in front of him. “For you!”

Sans smiles, pouring out a couple, “thanks hun.” He reaches across the table and gingerly arranges them in a small smiley on your pancakes.

You grin down at the happy looking face, “I hate to destroy such a cute gesture.”

“here lemme help,” Sans plucks one of the eyes off and eats it.

“Hey!” You protest playfully, reaching over to nab one of his chocolate chips. “There. We’re even.”

“‘spose we are,” He beams. “eat your food before it gets cold.”

You don’t have to be told twice. The two of you tuck into breakfast, a comfortable silence overtaking the room as you both enjoy the meal before you.

The constant rumble of thunder keeps you company as you finish up. Sans stands first, having finished his large plate of food, and grabs the serving dishes to take them to the sink. You stay behind, a bit slower at eating, and finish your food. Once done, you stand and bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen.

“you can just leave ‘em in the sink.’ He offers.

You nod, setting the dishes in the sink, then reach around to grab the washcloth. Gently, you nudge him to the side so you can wet the fabric down. You squeeze out any excess water and move back out of Sans’s way.

Quickly, you start the music back up and begin to wipe down the counters. A smooth voice comes out of the speakers as “Honeybee” by The Steam Powered Giraffes begins to play.

As you clean off the counters, removing any specks of flour and grease, you sing along. Behind you, Sans also begins to hum. You smile to yourself, enjoying the rasp of his deep baritone.

Everything is a peaceful, perfectly curated mix of noises that comforts you.

The sink shuts off and the clatter of dishes stops. Large arms squeeze your waist then spin you around to face them.

You look up at Sans, washcloth still in hand, and arch a brow. He removes the cloth from your grasp and replaces it with his hand, his smooth bony fingers enveloping yours.

His other hand stays at your waist and the two of you begin to sway. You get the hint and place your free hand on his chest, not quite tall enough to comfortably reach his shoulder.

Sans’s wide eye doesn’t leave you, and his usual expression melts into something akin to fondness.

“You didn’t have to smile at me, your grin’s the sweetest that I’ve ever seen. But you did. Yes, you did.” You sing softly as the two of you hold each other.

He brings your hand up to his teeth, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. You practically become a puddle. Your head rests on his chest, cheek pressing firmly into his shirt. His smell envelops you. It’s chalky and tinged with blood, but you don’t mind.

The two of you had made peace with his gory past long ago. Survival isn’t pretty, but in the face of starvation one does what must be done. Now, all you can do is keep him full and offer comfort and affection when he has a difficult day.

“you didn’t have to offer your hand. ‘cause since i’ve kissed it, i’m at your command. but you did.”

The world around you seems to disappear, and you cling to him, savoring the rumble that reverberates through his soul when he sings.

“set me free, my honeybee.”

As the storm rages outside, you and Sans remain. You know that neither of your lives have been perfect. His, less so than most. But in this moment, you’re grateful for everything that brought you together. You’re grateful for burnt pancakes and stolen chocolate chips; for thunderstorms and way too early mornings. You’re grateful that you get to call Sans yours.

Hello goodbye, I’m rather crazy, and I never thought I was crazy.

But what do I know?

I let myself go.

[chompe-diem]

hey. don't cry. audible smile in brian murphy's voice when he says "...but it's good when your friends look out for you" ok?

[dacuslucy]

theres something tragic about tumblr mutuals because i got a new perfume today and no matter how many times i describe it or send pictures they'll never know what it smells like. so

[jennegatron]

best part of time quangle ep 3 is murph doing his monologue about how many great things are coming for the party while gilear's hog just looms over his shoulder in frame

[operationslipperypuppet]

Top 5 Poignant Jake Lines?

This was hard as hell and that’s why it took me so long. I’m so sorry it took this long!!

“Tell me your feelings and I’ll tell you I need you.” So yes, this is from a short rest. And is just an off handed comment. But it’s kinda so perfect. And such a gut punch in general.

“I just care about finishing what Zirk started now.” God that whole final exchange between Hank and Fia is beautiful. Emily’s crying. Caldwell is crying. Murph is crying. I’m crying. You’re crying. And then Hank succeeds. And breaks the curse. It’s more simple and poignant bc of the implications but it gets me every time.

“I think we’ll see each other just when we need it most. Just like we did this time.” Hardwon coming into his own as a wise old man from the Crick is something that can be so personal. And this is such a beautiful send off for him from c3.

“And he realizes that the only thing he can do is to keep on fighting, just like the generations and the generations before.” This is an inner monologue moment but I’m truly never going to be over the last 40 minutes of Lord Ultrus (3x45). And this cuts so deep because time and time again, that’s all Hardwon could do. So of course it’s what he’s doing. Hardwon keeps swinging.

“I never cared about being a giant. I never cared about greatness. I just cared about making myself useful.” The sacrifice of Crown of Dreams. The vulnerability of Calder to someone who will be his captor for weeks. In some ways Calder is always a younger brother who has been sheltered wanting to take a chance to be known. And this is kind of perfectly that.

[chilipotpeeps]

zac and murph asking if ally was making a mighty ducks reference followed by emily laughing reminded me of when she recited the entire mighty ducks 3 monologue at the top of a naddpod episode

[wlwdisasterr]

emily when murph is making his barry monologue in the starstruck finale <3

[an-honest-puck]

Prompocalypse (Ep. 16) highlights and viewing notes because I don’t have the time to liveblog while watching but I do have thoughts that I will complete some other time lol

spoilers ahoy!!!

nothing like the power of a teen girl/tiefling's catty sarcasm to completely undermine a villain's monologue (shoutout to the d20 sound crew for the perfect music and timing on that one!!)

Gorgug learns about a new way of disarming people: kissing them

"Stop outing students!"

"I'M GAY NOW WOO"

Lou turning his adding-up-dice-humming into the first notes of 'Amazing Grace' that Zac immediately picks up on and starts swaying along

Brennan's gentle "yeah" when Siobhan admits to having a question that will be bad for the party, but also that she wants to play the game right

even more spoilery spoilers below!

Lou giving Siobhan a thumbs up after the above question

the fact that Goldenrod finds the need to justify to a bunch of teenagers that he's attacking this student because he's just an evil demon and not because said student is gay

Riz yelling "HOMOPHOBE!" at an honest-to-goodness dragon

"To be clear, I am very socially liberal; I am fiscally conservative!" + everyone's reaction to that (shoutout to Zac's very judgemental head tilt XD)

Brennan saying "I am a libertarian!" in Goldenrod's 'teacher' voice and then growling it again straight afterwards, as if Goldenrod just remembered he was a big-ass dragon XD

not Beardsley's "So convenient for you!" lmaoooo

Goldenrod: What? Everyone should be free to do what they want. I should be free to collect gold and destroy, and you should be free to try and run away! This is a cultured political philosophy!

Ally/Kristen: I'm down from hearing that [and not from his actual attack XD]

Brennan: *describing the gnarly metal music Gorgug's listening to*

Zac: *drops his dice*

"Ooh, beignets!"

the little grin on Brennan's face when he rolls the dice and then A WILD JAWBONE APPEARS!!!!!!!!!!

Jawbone hugs!!!!!! 😭

Jawbone: Y'understand me?

Adaine: No!

Jawbone's monologue about panic attacks which is too much to unpack here and is basically a whole post in and of itself

Brennan: *mentions Tracker*

Ally/Kristen: Tracker!

Jawbone: I CAME HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP and help children

"Jawbone rules! I'm so glad we helped get his life together"

Introducing, Jawbone: Not a Healer, but a healer of the mind and the soul uwu

Adaine (but mostly Siobhan lol): I would love to do an arcana check... on this absolute fucking unit

Adaine just double flipping off an honest-to-goodness dragon

Kalvaxus: Aren't you supposed to be some kind of high-falutin' elf?

Adaine: I'm a child. You are attacking a bunch of children, you coward.

Fig: Be careful, Adaine; he has a taste for the young ones

Adaine: I have a mental illness and that's fine!

Kalvaxus: Alright, let's not turn this into a fucking PSA after-school special bullshit

Emily's big brain idea to seal Kalvaxus to be the next lunchlad and promote Gilear to be the new VP

Lou's sick-of-Brennan's-shit "Is it [Kalvaxus's] turn?"

Kalvaxus, an honest-to-goodness dragon and the Emperor of the Red Waste: Teens are so mean!

Kristen, mockingly: "Stop making fun of me!"

Adaine: Yeah well at least we're not ugly!

Adaine's happy bobbing!!!!! :DD

"This medicine is great! :D"

Gorgug's Nat 20 (!!!) to summon GORTHOLAX!!!!!

"IT'S TIME TO SHRED, BABY!!!"

Penelope, dying: All I wanted to be- was queen :'((

Kristen: We know!!

Beardsley trying to figure out how to flip someone the middle finger when they only have 4 digits

Riz/Murph, despondent that he can't roll anything higher than a ten. Everyone else: "You can!"

"Should've gotten silver fillings, bitch!!"

"Man, when I grow up, I wanna be a guidance counsellor!" - Adaine

Fabian's "a-HA!"

the strangest bit of improv when the tables are turned and Siobhan makes Brennan improv something coming out of her character's Jacket of Useful Things ("I open up my Jacket of Useful Things and I say 'I need something that will beat Kalvaxus' and I put my hand in a pocket and I pull out...?) only for Brennan to pull out the whole goddamn lore for the jacket XD

Ally: Can I roll for a nat 20 and then be alive?

Brennan's famous last words: Uh, sure, go for it.

Ally/Kristen: This is to the corn god. I know I left for a while but-

[Brennan.exe has stopped functioning]

Brennan: *flabbergasted and now rapidly figuring out how the fuck to figure this out*

Riz/Murph: Praise be to Helio!!!

Fabian/Lou: He-li-o! He-li-o!

BONUS EPISODE UNLOCKED, BABYYYYYY

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch the premiere

NIGHT YORBBBBBB!!!!

A NEW BATTLE MAP ALREADY?!??!?!?!!!??

Fig bard / warlock multi class is so real. Also 20 charisma. Same girl who kissed Ayda and skate boarded away

THE HANG VAN MINI IS THE SAME AS THE VAN IN THE TEENAGE REBELLION I'M CRYING

The character card background is so cute I love it. What if I made a meet the Tumblr user using the same background

Gorgug and his little gadgets and things 😭😭😭😭

BOGGY MINIIIIII I'M CRYING SO HARD

I WOULD DIE FOR MOGGY THE DOGGY

SO MANY MINIS!!!!!!!

FABIAN FIGHTER / BARD REAL!!!!!!!!

SEATED MINIS??!?!?

First roll is fucking whether or not Fabian's reflection on the mirror when he's flirting with Ecaf

Kristen not multi classing and still being jacked is so real. I need more buff clerics

THERE'S A QUESTION MARK ON THE BACK OF KRISTEN'S TRACK SUIT?!???!?!??!!??

Ring guy Riz, I love him

SUN GUN 🔥🔥🔥

yorbies 😭

Riz trying to justify his jewelry is so me. When I started wearing jewelry all of the sudden I felt like I had to explain it (now idk)

Inspector Gadget Riz this is going to be a great season

From falling over to tables to standing on a moving vehicle. We have improved

Riz having to sit through Fabian flirting with Ecaf has to be his own personal hell

A NAT ONE ALREADY?!!??!??!???? LOU WILSON....

FABIAN GETTING HIT BY THE HANG VAN 😭😭😭

THIS IS STILL THE FIRST ROLL INITIATIVE 😭😭😭😭

MORE MINIS?!?!????

Teen Wolf mention. Teen Wolf is canon in Fantasy High

ALLY BEARDSLEY NAT 20 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EMILY AXFORD NAT 20!!!!!

MONSTER VAPE

NEW SEASON NEW MURPH!!! A BEAUTIFUL ROLL!!!!!! 45 DAMAGE OUT OF 50

Lesson of this episode: don't stand in the road when a van is gassing it

Yerba Mate in protein powder....

NEW CASSANDRA ART SHE'S SO PRETTY

Kristen ignoring Cassandra is so heartbreaking that's your god she's so lovely you're her only cleric Kristen pls

Gorgug fishing the Night Yorb

Ally and Lou trying to convince Zac to trade Rick Perry dice as Emily does math all while whispering. I love this season

I genuinely don't remember Squeem this issue so embarrassing.

Your sacrifice will be remembered Squeem I love you

YORBIE ON MY LEFT, YORBIE ON MY RIGHT 🔥🗣️💯

I need a Moggy the Doggy plush to go with my two Boggy plushies

HOW MANY DICE IS HE ROLLING WHAT THE FUCK

At least boggy survived

ADAINE DOWN.....

ALLY BOUGHT THE BOOK!!

I am loving new Kristen

So much feet touching

THE DRY GUYS

Kristen Loves "Speed"

I love the ongoing tea-based cortado bit

Vulture

hya!

FANDRANGOR

There is so much sexual tension between Fabian and Ecaf

Fabian Narcissus arc

Rip Balthazar </3

Pour one out for Balthazar and who ever has to take care of his 6th month parrots

Squeem is so resourceful I love him

yaaath maaaags

Murph and Brennan bonding <3

I feel like Ragh and Kristen would be besties after her more fitness oriented life style

ANOTHER ALLY BEARDSLEY NAT 20!!!!!!!

BOX OF DOOM!!!!!!!! BEANS!!!!

WHAT IS BRENNAN MONOLOGUING......

WHAT IS HAPPENING..... FIG...??

WHO IS FIG'S PATRON???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO A CLIFF HANGER ALREADY??!?!!???!!???!???!???! BRENNAN LEE MULLIGAN...... 😭

THE PREVIEWS ARE MAKING ME SO EXCITED... I HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK NOW 😭😭😭😭

[visceravalentines]

Murph Connors our beloved but have you met Private Andrew Harrigan? 👀💖 still a tertiary character but hey he gets a 1 minute-ish monologue in the movie so it's a couple levels above Murph's miserable 10 lines in Den of Thieves 😭

bluuuue 💙 this movie just keeps getting higher on my watchlist fr are you kidding me???? that fucking smirk???? the haaaair. 😫

I've seen a lot of references to this being young enlisted Bo, at least in terms of appearance, but I'm just gonna have to see for myself huh??

i need to sit on his face probably. after I watch this movie mebe we'll add him to the haunted dollhouse of characters I write for with the same fuckin face kskdjdksmsmkxksmka

[throatofdelusionincarnate]

Tender Scrapes

Inspired by @naffeclipse’s “Apex Polarity”

A desire to be alone leaves you with a fatal injury. Now, sinking in the icy water you are met with your savior and enemy- an orca siren who has made his attention apparent ever since you spoiled his meal.

With a harpoon in your tail and a predator upon you, the nature of your situation becomes more apparent.

Perhaps a little help from your adversary isn't the worst thing to happen to you.

Word Count - 4,081

Please heed content warnings!

This fic is based off of @naffeclipse’s Polar Nights collection! They are an amazing writer and I can’t encourage you enough to check out their work!!

[audioaujom]

CollegeHumor Tangled AU (Hub)

Welcome to a small hub for the CollegeHumor Tangled AU!

Welcome welcome! I should come right out and say a few things, including that 1) this is not a full AU in the sense that I won't be writing every single scene or following the source material exactly, and 2) this is much more messed up and violent than the movie. I'll be titling the chapters after the section of the movie I've pulled from for the chapter, and will have specific trigger warnings at the beginning and will update the overall tags as we go. In this AU, Zac is Rapunzel, Brennan is Mother Gothel, Emily is Flynn, Murph is Maximus (yes, the horse), and Lou makes a guest appearance as Pascal. However, this is not an Emily x Zac ship fic. 

While a lot of things will be different, I won’t necessarily be covering the exposition needed for all of that to make sense at the beginning in one big drop. I’m too lazy to rewrite the opening monologue, and I’m trying to have this out as I finish my CollegeHumor Powers AU so I can steal its update slot in my schedule for this one. The most notable lore change that you should know about beforehand is that I'm not messing with hair and instead giving Zac magic tears—like how Rapunzel has to cry at the end of the movie for her powers to work, except that's how it's always been. If that's not an indication of how far downhill things are going to go, I don't know what is. Anything else that’s different will either be in the notes or explained in canon. I can't promise regular updates since this is a very new set of writes and I'm back in school, but when I do have an update it'll be on a Sunday, and I hope to get things done every other week at minimum. Hope is the keyword there. Anyway, sorry for the info dump and enjoy the whump and madness!

Happy reading!

Warnings (contains spoilers): Blood and Violence, Manipulation, Psychological Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships, Stabbing

Chapters: 1: Mother Knows Best 2: The Tower is Discovered 3: Zac Touches Grass 4: He's Got a Dream! 5: A Cliffside Confrontation 6: In the Woods 7: The Horse Knight Catches Up 8: Festival Interlude

Ao3 Link

[dacuslucy]

i dont think anyone supports you harder than 2 australian lesbians who like blood and making out

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

[ID: The video takes place in an office and begins with Brian Murphy, a white man with glasses and a bit of a baby face, saying, "Dude, you killed it in that pitch meeting, that was awesome. I hope you make your parody The Thong Song." He high-fives Owen Parsons, a white dude with a close-shaved beard and mustache, who's sitting at a computer. Owen replies humbly, "Hey, thanks man. Ya know, I figured thong rhymes with bong, so, y'know, I don't know. It's stupid, whatever."

"Oh, it's not. Owen, you're really good," Brian reassures him smilingly. "Like, you could run this company if anything ever happened to Sam." The camera moves to Sam Reich, owner of College Humor, who is speaking to another employee and holds their face in his hands, then back to Owen and Brian.

Owen says, "Yeah, I mean, but Sam's the boss." He laughs, a little awkwardly, and Brian agrees amiably, "Right, right, yeah," before asking lightly, "Should he be?"

Owen's grin falls into a look of concentration as Brian continues, growing in intensity: "I mean, Sam's good, but he's soft. These writers need a kick in the ass, and from where I'm standing, you're wearing the right boots. This company needs new blood. Your blood. But first you must spill Sam's blood." As he talks, Owen seems to be seriously considering it, and by the end of his monologue, Brian is whispering and is face to face with Owen.

The moment snaps, however, when Owen declares, "You're Lady MacBething me!" and Brian laughs. Owen gets up from his chair, saying, "You're so Lady MacBething me! Oh my god!" Brian talks along with him, exclaiming delightedly, "You got me! You got me!"

"That was good though, that was good, that was good," Owen tells him, before shifting to the same intensity Brian held before and saying, "That was damn good." "Really? You think so?" Brian asks, a little flattered, and Owen nods along, telling him, "Yeah, you're a fine actor, Murph. You've got real range; weird that Sam would keep casting you as a shouting idiot when you're so good at whispering." Brian has seemed flattered and considering as Owen talks, and when Owen shifts to a whisper on the last few words, Brian whispers back, "I know, right?"

"Ya know, Murph, this world is full of people like Sam," Owen says, putting his arm over Brian's shoulder and looking over at Sam. Sam now has the employee in a headlock. Owen elaborates, "People that break you down and try to put their boot on your neck. But there's also plenty of opportunities for a man like you." He taps Brian's chest for emphasis. "A man who does what needs to be done." A small dagger clatters to the floor and Owen looks down at it in false surprise, before saying, "Oops," and looking intensely at Brian.

Brian stares at the dagger for a tense moment before bursting out from under Owen's arm and exclaiming, "You cannot Lady MacBeth the Lady MacBether!" Owen laughs, putting up his arms and "Ohhh"ing as Brian gestures at him, grinning and telling him, "You cannot! No!" "I almost had you, though, I almost had you," Owen says, pointing at Brian, who agrees, "You did, you did." Owen asks, "Was the dagger too much?" Brian tells him, "It was a little bit too much, it was a little bit too much," holding his fingers close together to illustrate, and Owen echoes regretfully, "It was a little bit too much."

"Oh my god, that was very quick, though," Owen comments, before leaning in and echoing intensely, "That was very quick, the way you caught on to me like that." "I mean it wasn't easy," Brian says, then switches to the same intensity as Owen with, "You were very convincing." Owen, still intense, tells him, "Well, some would say my plan was almost Murph-esque in its genius." "Too bad Sam wouldn't see it that way," Brian tells him. They're both now very close and making prolonged eye contact. "Sam, of course, being the cause of all your problems," Owen says, and Brian returns, "Problems that need to be solved." "Solved with murder," Owen agrees, nodding a little, and then Brian grabs his head and kisses him.

Owen shoves him off and asks, "Dude, what? What? What are you doing?" Brian frantically defends, "I was Lady MacBething you! I was Lady MacBething you!" "No, we were Lady MacBething each other, then you kissed me!" Owen protests, and Brian throws his hands up in the air and says, "Oh, Lady MacBeth kisses Mr. MacBeth all the time! They're married; they have a great marriage!"

"Oh, yeah," Owen says. "Yeah, right," Brian agrees, and Owen comments, "Taps that pretty hard in act three. That's true." They nod at each other for a moment, before both lunge to make out with each other. It only lasts a second before Owen reels back, yelling, and there's a sound of a blood splatter as Owen looks in horror at the dagger plunged in his shoulder.

"Oh! Yeah!" Brian cheers, having just stabbed Owen. "You stabbed me!" Owen yells at him, and Brian yells back, "You just got Lady MacBethed, son!" "This doesn't happen in the play!" Owen tells him, sounding near tears. Brian yells, "I've never read Mr. MacBeth!" and the video ends. /end ID]

10 year old college humor sketch that i watched at 1am last night and have since watched five more times

[jennegatron]

rewatched some of the acoc adventuring parties and am thinking about murph's answers wrt theo and gooey. bethany expresses that she's one of only a few people who like gooeybear and i think it's really indicative of how the people who are very online and in the fandom are different than people who casually watch d20. like i think she's probably actually in the majority because *most* people don't create headcanons. they don't ship characters together outside of what the text of the work says. murph makes a very funny joke about how hilarious it is to phrase your question that way "everyone else thinks your choice sucks, but not me. i like it." and brennan gets a note from bridgman that it's 'in good fun' and that people aren't actually mad. except people were actually mad and still are mad about it! like there are people who to this day express that they hate gooeybear. there was a poll ran on twitter like 2 full years after the season finished where people were legitimately mad that gooeybear was winning over another ship, one that is popular but non-canon. bethany was the one who had even submitted gooeybear to the poll (you were right and brave to do so bethany. gooeybear is good. your gooeybear fic is good.) and for all the protestations that gooey & saccharina should be canon, there's actually LESS gooey/saccharina fic than there is gooey/theo fic.

anyway brennan bends over backwards to say that all headcanons are valid and whatever. and that's fine. i do think about what headcanons are plausible in world vs plausible to actually happen and it seems so clear to me that theopin would never happen because zac & murph would never take the 'game' of their improv there. brennan would and did and can and will.

you'd never get canon theopin because neither of them would be like 'are we going to fuck?' that's squarely something brennan brings to the table. like we saw colin and deli never go there because lou & zac never moved it there but by contrast we saw deli and karna because aabria would and did.

murph talks about how he didn't go into the show with things like theo's sexuality or desires mapped out, just that in that moment it felt true to what the character would do and murph talks about how theo is repressed in part because murph the player is also repressed. theo was never going to flirt with lapin explicitly and all of zac's romances in d20 have also been with brennan's offering. zelda flirts first. esther is his crush from the start. unit and then mary ann are funny progressions of dynamics, where the funniness of the game is wouldn't it be funny if gorgug did a 180. people love to bring up gorgug and ragh but i genuinely think Zac just thought "this is the last fight. i will never have to live with the consequences of this." i think if brennan had inserted himself as an npc to theo & lapin to like comment on it as being sexual tension or something it could have gone there, but without external stimulus they wouldn't have ever made the jump.

i think the intrepid heroes, especially the men, aren't particularly attuned to reading when their dynamics with other men read as romantic or flirting because we don't get a lot of mlm depictions in media or modeled in everyday life. it means people who are attuned to it see it when the people playing don't. and it's not that it's not there it's just that murph, zac, and lou are soooo straight they don't see the subtext of what they're doing. idk. i'm just spitballing here. sometimes writing stuff like this helps me process and refine what i believe and what else am i going to use tumblr for besides externalizing my monologues.

[godza]

you should listen to naddpodc1. please. its so good. murph is a fantastic dm. it made me cry several times. every player is fantastic and badass. its so hilarious and also emotional. dragon pussy weeds out the weak but you miss the sheer emotional nukes you get later. heres a character summary

beverly: boy scout paladin. collects teeth. has braces. doesnt wear shoes. is gay. monologues so much. is 15 and lame. his party keeps giving him drugs. beheaded a demon and put it on his belt but other people do that too. silly little guy

hardwon: human raised by dwarves in the dwarfanage. toxic masculinity in a funny way. the first one to behead someone and tie the head to his belt. the player named his real life infant daughter after hardwons dead girlfriend. he seems silly in the first part but once you get to the airship scene you punch a wall

moonshine: a crick elf. basically wood elves but redneck. she starts out as a mild stereotype but grows into her own and makes me sob. she has a pet possum who is so awesome. reeer. at her core a truly good person. bisexual because every single character emily plays has to be bi and fuck women. i love her. wears overalls with no shirt