#Most of the dairy free ice cream I find are basic

[steddie-there]

Eddie notices it first at Dairy Queen.

It's the first time since leaving the hospital that he's been somewhere with the whole party that isn't Steve's house or the Hoppers-Byers cabin. The younger children crowd the counter, talking over each other as they count their money and decide what to get, while the older teens and adults hang at the back, looking at the menu. Then Erica steps over to Steve and says something Eddie can't quite make out. He nods, winds his way through the gremlins, and places his order. When his name is called, he picks up two cups of ice cream and hands one to Erica, who takes it with a smirk and a comment Eddie can't make out, although it has Steve laughing and shoving playfully at her shoulder.

Eddie turns then to look at the other kids but none of them even seem to notice that Steve has seemingly paid for Erica and not them. It's confusing because Eddie is sure Henderson, at least, would be kicking up a fuss about it. Not even Robin says anything.

But, then again, maybe Steve owes Erica money. Or he lost a bet. Eddie is aware how fierce the younger Sinclair is in collecting on her debts, having made the mistake once and once only of asking her to buy him a soda. So, if no one else is bothered, neither is he. He shrugs and enjoys his sundae.

But then it happens again the next week at Baskin Robbins.

And again two weeks later.

When the last ice cream truck left in Hawkins comes through Steve's neighborhood and the only one to get anything is Erica - at Steve's expense, of course - and the other kids don't even grumble beyond wishing they hadn't blown all their allowance at the arcade, Eddie decides he's had enough.

"Okay, what is it with this ice cream thing???" he bursts out as they all settle back down next to the pool.

The burble of conversation stops as everyone turns to look at him, then glance around at each other.

"What ice cream thing?" Mike finally asks, genuinely confused.

"What ice cream... the ice cream thing!" Eddie splutters. "The thing where Steve always buys Erica ice cream and none of the rest of you munchkins seem to care!"

There's a collective ohhhh of understanding, but Eddie is still completely in the dark. He gestures for someone to explain.

"It's because of Operation Child Endangerment," Dustin answers, casual, like it's a normal, non-question-inducing answer.

Eddie scrunches his brows together and lets out a confused bubble of sound at the same time that Steve buries his face in his hands and groans, "I thought we agreed not to call it that."

Erica laughs and wags her finger at him. "Uh, no. Just because you demanded we change it doesn't mean we agreed to."

"...little lost here. What's Operation Child Endangerment?" Eddie asks, glancing sideways at Steve. He can see, between his fingers, that the other boy's face has gone bright red.

Steve groans again and sinks forward to let his head hang by his knees.

And so Eddie finds out everything about the summer of '85 and Starcourt mall. He already knew the basics, but he's still fascinated. Horrified. Impressed.

He watches Steve through the whole retelling, jumbled as it is by the kids all interrupting each other to add something they thought was being forgotten, and feels his heart ache inside his chest for the beautiful boy across from him. Watches him hunch his shoulders when Erica explains the deal they made, the one that's got her free ice cream for life. Watches him puff up a little with pride when Dustin describes him knocking the Russian comms operator out cold. Watches him squeeze Robin's hand when she mentions the Russian torture and drugs. Watches him tug El into a hug when Jonathan talks about having to cut into her leg.

Eddie watches Steve - brave, loyal, loving Steve, who won't break a promise or a deal even after he most certainly could - laughing with their friends, taking their ribbing and teasing them in return, ruffling Dustin's hair and splashing Erica, almost starting a party-wide splash fight.

Eddie waits until everyone is distracted by Max chasing Lucas across the pool after his cannonball knocked her from her floaty, various advice being shouted to both, then moves to sit next to Steve on his pool chair.

"That was, uh, a lot," he says quietly.

Steve bites his lip, turns a little away from the chaos in and around the pool, although his eyes still track the chase, Max having almost cornered Lucas. "Yeah, yeah it was," he replies, just as quietly.

"Pretty impressive," Eddie tells him, knocking their shoulders together.

Steve shrugs. He snorts as Max finally catches Lucas and dunks him a couple times before they both dissolve into laughter.

Eddie bumps his shoulder again. "Seriously, dude, you gotta know how cool you are."

"I guess," Steve says, still not looking at Eddie, fidgeting with his hands instead.

Eddie thinks he knows what thoughts might be running around inside Steve's head, so he puts a hand over Steve's. The jittery motions still under his touch. "Hey, you got them out of there. You didn't know what you were walking into and you all got out alive. I call that pretty badass."

Steve finally turns to him. The look in his eyes makes Eddie want to pull Steve close, hold him until that look disappears. But he doesn't, just squeezes Steve's fingers.

The corner of Steve's mouth ticks up, just a little. "Thanks, Eddie." He looks like he might say more, but suddenly Dustin lets out a whoop and they both turn to the pool. Jonathan, Nancy, Robin, and Argyle have started a game of chicken, Nancy on Jonathan's shoulders and Robin on Argyle's.

They watch, laughing, as the girls wrestle until they both go tumbling into the water together and come up spluttering. Steve's head is thrown back, his shoulders are shaking with giggles and Eddie feels a grin stretch across his face.

He leans forward to rest his chin on Steve's shoulder, his hand still over Steve's, a teasing tone in his voice when he says, "So, hey, I was wondering. What would it take for me to get free ice cream for life from Steve Harrington?"

Steve turns his head and Eddie pulls back so they can look at each other. And that's all they do for a long moment, Eddie's breathing speeding up when Steve's gaze drops to his lips.

But all Steve does is turn his hand in Eddie's grip, so he can tangle their fingers together. He squeezes Eddie's hand, then stands, grinning, tugging Eddie up with him.

"C'mon," Steve says, pulling Eddie over to the pool before jumping in with a splash. Eddie ducks away from the water, grinning like a fool. When he catches Erica's knowing smirk, he just shrugs helplessly and follows Steve in.

Maybe he owes Erica some free ice cream, too.

[lovelyfanatical]

I Get a Sugar Rush Whenever I'm With You - Chapter 6.2

Happy Friday fellow Drukkari stans, or whatever day it is for you! I come bearing the next mini-chapter! If you missed any prior installments, you can find all of them on my new table of contents here. Previously, Druig and Makkari got to have an extra fluffy baking session, but can the sweetness last? Find out now in the next installment of Drukkari in the Great British Bake Off!

Druig was riding high into the weekend, even if he’d been dreading this particular week since he’d found out what it was. He’d never been much for dieting, as he didn’t see the point of limiting what he ate if he didn’t have to, so an entire week based around cutting out certain ingredients seemed rather daunting. Nevertheless, he’d been in a noticeably better mood ever since his afternoon with Makkari. She hadn’t stayed too long after they finished baking (and eating half the éclairs they’d just made). She’d helped him clean up a bit, packed up the rest of the éclairs, and given him a hug goodbye. He wouldn’t quite call it a date. They were just two friends baking and hanging out. In secret. Even so, he’d enjoyed it immensely, and it seemed like Makkari had as well.

They greeted each other as usual outside the hotel, and Druig couldn’t say for sure, but it felt like something in the air had changed between them. Standing with their friends, it felt like Makkari stayed closer to him than usual. That said, she always stood close enough to bump shoulders with him or reach over and punch his arm if he provoked such a response. Today, however, Makkari didn’t do either of those things. She just stood by him, occasionally chiming into the conversation, and while she didn’t turn her head, Druig thought he’d seen her glancing at him from the corner of her eye, a smile playing at her lips. It was a wonder she could keep up with the conversation at all, as he’d stopped listening almost as soon as he noticed her looking. When he finally tuned back into the group, he saw Ajak eyeing them, one eyebrow beginning to rise. Druig looked away as calmly and casually as he could.

Like he had during weeks prior, Druig held onto that happy feeling as the day progressed. The first challenge wasn’t too bad, but it definitely could’ve gone better. Now that he’d made ice cream during a technical, making it during a signature didn’t seem quite as stressful, even if it was dairy-free. That said, he’d also chosen a more basic flavor profile, making things slightly easier for himself. He’d gone with almond milk vanilla ice cream, dipped in chocolate with a hint of chili. The judges found it simple but effective, though Arishem had also added that he found it a bit underwhelming after last week’s performance. It certainly wasn’t his most glowing review, but Druig found that his wasn’t the opinion he most cared about.

The good thing about the chocolate dip was that he’d been able to save one for Makkari, much to her delight. She happily ate it, remarking, Sorry, I wish I could’ve save one of mine for you.

While Druig was quite curious about hers (Makkari had made mango ice cream topped with chili powder), he’d only replied, Guess you’ll just have to make it again for me sometime.

She gave him an amused look, but before she could respond, Kingo came trotting over, Phastos trudging along behind him.

“It’s days like this that I’m glad I don’t have to do the baking anymore,” Kingo said.

“Spoken like someone who doesn’t have a lactose intolerant child with a sweet tooth,” Phastos replied. Despite being a busy engineer, husband, and father, he’d picked up BSL quite quickly and had already started signing along where he could.

You really don’t miss competing? Makkari asked Kingo.

“I mean, I do. It was a really great experience, but sometimes, it really is more fun to just watch,” Kingo responded.

“No offense, Kingo, but the behind-the-scenes stuff seems to suit you better than being in front of the camera,” Druig added. Kingo’s mouth fell open at the remark.

“Was that an actual back-handed compliment?” he asked.

“You’re actually touched by that?” Phastos asked, visibly confused.

“I’m pretty sure that’s as close as Druig’s ever gotten to complimenting me, so I’ll take it,” Kingo explained matter-of-factly.

“Who’s handing out compliments?” Sersi called over as she and Ajak approached the table.

“Druig said I was doing a good job!” Kingo answered excitedly.

“I also said you weren’t good in front of a camera,” Druig corrected.

“Well, that makes more sense,” Sersi said as she sat down.

“At least he said something nice,” Ajak added. “It’s good to change things up sometimes. Although, I don’t think I’ll be making dairy-free ice cream again any time soon.”

A few of them groaned in agreement (including Kingo, though Makkari threw a crouton at him in retaliation, much to Druig’s amusement). Ajak hadn’t gone for anything too complicated, but her chocolate ice cream hadn’t quite set, making for quite the mess when it came time for judgment. The others had done alright, but Druig could sense that none of them were looking forward to the next two challenges.

One person who hadn’t struggled at all, however, was Sprite, whose avocado ice cream had only garnered praise. As she and Gilgamesh neared the table, completing the party, they started applauding. She paused to roll her eyes but gave them a playful bow before she took her seat and accepted the onslaught of compliments.

“Well, I did have the advantage. I’ve been vegan since I was 12,” Sprite said.

“So last month?” Gilgamesh teased, which earned him a few chuckles, but Sprite was not amused.

“I’m sure you get this all the time, but one day, you’ll be glad you look young for your age,” Ajak tried to reassure.

“You’re right, I do get that all the time,” Sprite replied wryly.

If you do well on the technical, do you think your mom will let you come to dinner with us? Makkari asked.

“Tell her we may seem like grown-ups, but we’re really just a bunch of oversized kids,” Gilgamesh added. “And we promise not to be bad influences!”

“Oh, I don’t actually need her permission. I just didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of adults twice my age and above,” Sprite replied, grinning snarkily. Several members of the group voiced their discontent at this statement, but she cut them off, saying, “I’m kidding! I already asked her, and she said I could make an appearance.”

“What about you, Phastos?” Ajak asked.

“We’ll see. Jack likes me to Facetime him before he goes to bed,” Phastos explained.

One of these days, we’ll get you to dinner, Makkari signed, a playful look in her eye.

“Assuming I make it through this week!” he lamented. No matter how well he did, Phastos always seemed to think he was one mistake away from elimination.

“Well, considering you got Arishem to enjoy peanut butter ice cream, I’d say you make it to next week,” Druig interjected.

“Again, with the almost compliments!” Kingo remarked. “Next thing you know, he’ll start being nice to people not named Makkari!”

This time, Makkari handed Druig the crouton. It hit Kingo right in the forehead, drawing plenty of laughter from most of the table, a light scolding from Ajak, and another eye-roll from Sprite as she muttered something about being more mature than most of her fellow competitors.

-

I may not agree with her actions, but as someone who's always looked young for their age, I can relate to Sprite 😆 Likes, comments, and re-blogs would be much appreciated!

Part 20

[suzilight]

Sucralose aka Splenda Is Genotoxic | June 2023

Me: Big Food sells us low quality at high prices that makes us gradually sicker then Big Pharma sells us high priced meds to control the symptoms until we need Big Hospital and a funeral. Think I'm exaggerating? Read on.

"When we exposed sucralose and sucralose-6-acetate to gut epithelial tissues—the tissue that lines your gut wall—we found that both chemicals cause 'leaky gut.' Basically, they make the wall of the gut more permeable. The chemicals damage the 'tight junctions,' or interfaces, where cells in the gut wall connect to each other.

"A leaky gut is problematic, because it means that things that would normally be flushed out of the body in feces are instead leaking out of the gut and being absorbed into the bloodstream."

"We found that gut cells exposed to sucralose-6-acetate had increased activity in genes related to oxidative stress, inflammation and carcinogenicity,"

"To put this in context, the European Food Safety Authority has a threshold of toxicological concern for all genotoxic substances of 0.15 micrograms per person per day," Schiffman says. "Our work suggests that the trace amounts of sucralose-6-acetate in a single, daily sucralose-sweetened drink exceed that threshold. And that's not even accounting for the amount of sucralose-6-acetate produced as metabolites after people consume sucralose."

Harvard says: "Some studies show that leaky gut may be associated with other autoimmune diseases (lupus, type 1 diabetes, multiple sclerosis), chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, arthritis, allergies, asthma, acne, obesity, and even mental illness." 

Splenda.com says: "Today, the Splenda brand is the most recognizable and iconic low-calorie sweetener brand in the world, having sold more than 100 billion yellow packets since its launch in 1992."

Michael Zeece, in Introduction to the Chemistry of Food, 2020 says: "Granulated sucralose is mixed with fillers to provide a measure for measure substitution with table sugar (sucrose). The powdered form of sucralose contains 90% bulking agents such as maltodextrin, that are a metabolizable form of carbohydrate. A 50/50 mixture of sucrose and sucralose, plus a bulking agent, is available for baking applications. This mixture reduces caloric content and enables browning reactions in baking applications."  Source

Me: Wow. Ok. 50/50 sugar/Splenda plus bulking agents for baking. Would that mean commercial baking? Processed foods? YES!!!

"Sucralose is also highly stable at elevated temperatures that are often used in food, beverage, and drug manufacturing processes so that product sweetness levels can be maintained following cooking, baking, and/or pasteurization. Sucralose also has excellent stability in low-pH products so that sweetness degradation is not a determining factor in the shelf-life of such products."

FDA says "Sucralose is a general-purpose sweetener found in various foods, including baked goods, beverages, chewing gum, gelatins, and frozen dairy desserts." 

By weight, Sucralose is about 600 times sweeter than sucrose (sugar).

 Me: Even if I don't buy or use Splenda or drink diet sodas there is a good chance that I'm still eating more than 0.15 micrograms of sucralose in "shelf stable" cookies, pastries, bread or ice cream. Big Food cuts in Sucralose/Splenda because it gives big sweetness and probably costs less than natural sugar/sucrose.

The FDA approved it for general use in 1999. They suggest it for diabetic people! No wonder Celiac Disease, Crohn's disease, and irritable bowel syndrome have steadily increased.

Never mind the Leaky Gut diseases or the malignant tumors, Splenda is calorie-free. /facepalm

[jlilycorbie]

One thing that continually bothers me: how dependent on chocolate most ice cream parlors and novelties are in the United States.

Or at least in my area of the US, I'm not an expert on this stuff.

I was complaining about this over the weekend, about how chocolate is great and I like it but I don't need or want it in all the things, and how very much I'd love an ice cream parlor that focuses on fresh fruits and seasonal flavors.

And so I came up with an idea for my own ice cream parlor, probably with a fairy or unicorn theme? Maybe enchanted forest? And then I spent days coming up with ice cream flavors and sundaes for my parlor (and also talking about cannibalism, particularly medical cannibalism, but that's another story).

I figure there'd be a set of always available flavors. Like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry are required. Maybe matcha? Something coffee based, probably. And all of the always available flavors would also be available in dairy-free and nut-free options. And I've heard how hard it is to find gluten-free chocolate ice cream, so definitely gluten-free options, too.

But the real stars here are the sundaes. There'd be the regularly available flavors and seasonal flavors of ice cream along with a variety of basic and seasonal fruits and toppings. You could build your own, or we'd have a selection of menu offerings. Everything would be topped with whipped cream, of course, except when it's got something like marshmallow fluff instead.

We'd have to have a whole variety of splits. Like, what am I even doing having a fruit-focused ice cream parlor without banana splits?

Including a banana split with dulce de leche ice cream, salted almonds, and hot fudge (because chocolate is still allowed, it just won't be in or on everything).

Or a peach split with roasted peaches, cinnamon ice cream, toasted oat crumble with walnuts or pecans, and brown sugar syrup.

Or a mango split with cardamom ice cream, salted cashews, and browned butter rum sauce.

An apple split with cinnamon roasted apples, vanilla ice cream, almonds, toffee bits, and caramel or butterscotch syrup.

Since it's fairy or enchanted forest themed, I'd want to include floral and herbal flavors, too.

Like for summer, I'd need vanilla lime ice cream with fresh watermelon with mint and lime juice and house-made strawberry syrup.

A warm sugar cookie topped with lemon lavender ice cream and fresh blueberry syrup.

Hibiscus ice cream with strawberry swirl.

Earl Grey ice cream with blackberries and chocolate lavender syrup (maybe with pound cake or a sugar cookie?)

For spring into summer, we could have fresh raspberries and mangoes with matcha ice cream and strawberry syrup.

For early autumn, we could have a peanut butter blondie with honey ice cream, fresh grapes, and peanut butter sauce.

From Halloween to Thanksgiving, we could have pumpkin ice cream with cranberry syrup, toasted pecans, and marshmallow fluff .

For deep winter, something with a clever name referencing Persephone with smoked vanilla ice cream with a clementine curd swirl, pomegranate syrup and fresh arils, and salted pistachios.

And for the people who really want a lot of chocolate, a chili pepper brownie with dark chocolate cinnamon ice cream with cocoa nibs topped with espresso hot fudge and chocolate shavings.

Those are my ideas from the last week (no name for this imaginary place, of course, because I'm terrible at naming things). I still need more ideas that include raspberries, blackberries, apricots, pineapples, and...so many other fruits. Pears. Plums.

I might have to make some of these sundaes for myself sometime.

[dairyfreefoodie]

Holy Cow, 🐄 i can't believe that's dairy free?! 🥛🚫

Ken's* top 10 (dairy free snacks & sweet treats)

*fyi Ken is mine and my partners names merged together (Katie & Ben, as Ben is also my very willing tester to compare to dairy food)

Marks and Spencers bakery cookies

I've found finding biscuits and sweet snacks especially hard on my new diet but these are my number 1, my partner didn't believe they were vegan😄. Only downside is they sell out quickly so are quite a rare find and cannot stock up due to the use by dates... but still❤️ Thank me (& M&S) later!

2. Marks and Spencer chocolate brownies

M&S to the rescue again! These are great and even better heated up in the microwave with find number 3 below. My auntie buys me these from her local M&S and I can't ever find them in mine so think some stores don't stock always them sadly.

3. Phish food Ice cream

HORAAAY I can have Ben and Jerry's again!!! 😍😍🙏 Tastes very similar from what I can remember...although less chocolate fish🐟 (phish)😔 - maybe mine was just a sad tub! I'll get over it...Still won't buy it full price like the non dairy version though (luckily its on offer quite a bit - this one was found in sainsburys but i think it's in most supermarkets). The cookie dough one is also pretty good - I'm just a chocoholic 🍫

4. Judes salted caramel ice cream

Jude, whoever you are, I love you 😍❤️ These are soooo good - better than most normal dairy ice cream I have had (bold claim) and they are mini so feels like you're being less piggy. Magnum do a similar salted caramel vegan option which is nice but in my opinion no comparison to Judes.

5. The mighty Greggs Yum Yum

Milk free and glorious. Many other supermarket ones have milk in. Greggs was my favourite highstreet destination prior to my new diet (trust me, i have the full greggs outfit, sliders & all!) and it has stayed strong and true with lots of dairy free options 🙏.

(and of course the famous vegan sausage roll... I must admit though I'd rather have slight face pain and take a dose of antihistamines for the normal sausage roll - only thing I still cheat with...it just can't be beaten😍).

6. Greggs Doughnuts

All hail the greggs Doughnuts 😍🍩 These are the only 3 (simply glazed, pink sugar strand and jam) that i think are milk free but that's plenty enough options (compared to most supermarkets where I end up looking very dissapointed at the allergen info). I ❤️ doughnuts, basically a female Homer Simpson.

7. Vegan pains au chocolat

These are a great sweet vegan breakfast option (especially when put in the air fryer for a minute or 2). These are the two brands I have found so far- first one found in sainsburys and the second found in waitrose (stocked up on a ocado order). Delish👌

8. Belvita breakfast bars

I have these for breakfast on my London commute every morning. Dairy free, low in fat (unlike rest of this post) and high in the old fibre💩! I personally love them (strawberry🍓 not the apricot ones) and stock up when they are on offer (most supermarkets) which happens fairly often for £1.75 for 6 👌.

9. Marks & Spencer double chocolate cookies 🍪

More M&S cookies??? Yes, these are very good but would always lose in a competition with number 1 ^ from the bakery section. However the perk of these are you can stock up on them with the longer shelf life and I've found they are better than a lot of other supermarket (and wicked) cookies. 🍪

10. Lastly CHEESE🧀. Cathedral City is in the lead for me.

I actually like this one enough to put on crackers so its made it onto the snack blog post🙀🧀. There is quite a lot of bad vegan cheese out there (especially from the opinion of a dairy cheese lover like me) but maybe my taste buds have finally accepted it will never be perfect...but for me, this is close enough (for now! - keep going cheese makers!!). Amazing grated on toast (another air fryer job) & topped with worcester sauce 😍

Thanks for reading and happy eating 😄

*Not all products may be vegan or suitable for milk allergy sufferers

Next post: DF cooking staples👩‍🍳🍽 (ft. more cheese, pesto, cream and milk alternatives etc).

[ismgreys]

Rocky road ice cream

Rocky road ice cream full#

Rocky road ice cream free#

Since it was the first flavor to incorporate different textures and flavors, it opened a world of possibilities for future ice cream flavors. Shortly after its debut, the flavor spread to other ice cream shops and dairies around the nation. Rocky Road ice cream was revolutionary because it was one of the first ice cream flavors to be offered other than the three Neapolitan classics: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. When Did Rocky Road Ice Cream Become Popular? Fenton’s Creamery claims that Dreyer and Edy used Fenton’s idea and served Rocky Road at their own shop. There are contradictory claims that the recipe came from creamery owner George Fenton. He also originally used walnuts in place of the almonds now more widely used in Rocky Road recipes. Partnering with candy maker Joseph Edy, he debuted the first incarnation of the now famous flavor in Oakland, California in 1929.ĭreyer didn’t have state of the art equipment at his fingertips, so he used his wife’s sewing shears to cut marshmallows into small pieces. Dreyer, who first began creating ice cream during the Great Depression, thought people could use some cheering up during this difficult time. William Dreyer, of Dreyer’s Ice Cream, is thought to be the original concoctor of Rocky Road. Rocky Road ice cream has a tie to the most financially dire time in United States history. Ice cream is arguably the most popular form of Rocky Road, but it’s inspired dozens of other recipes like Rocky Road brownies, cakes, dessert bars, and much more. That version includes the rather unusual addition of honey crème whip. The popular dessert spread back to Britain and eventually the United States.Īccording to a Mental Floss article that investigates Rocky Road’s origins, the earliest American recipe for Rocky Road is a candy cookbook published in Kansas in 1920. The chocolate flavor covered up the spoiled flavor of the candy while nuts provided a wonderfully crunchy texture. The soft candy confections were mixed with chocolate and locally grown nuts. Unsure of what to do with confectionary treats that had gone bad during shipment from Britain, savvy confectioners got creative. The milk chocolate, cake-like treat can be traced back to Australia. While most Americans are familiar with Rocky Road ice cream, many are unaware that it was originally inspired by a brownie-like dessert also called Rocky Road. Rocky Road is a chocolate-based ice cream flavor mixed with chopped almonds and marshmallow pieces. Unsurprisingly, the history of Rocky Road is a little bumpy and has its share of controversy. Thanks to Rocky Road, ice cream lovers were inspired to add flavors and textures to basic ice cream flavors. Before imaginative mix-ins were regular features at ice cream parlors, there wasn’t much excitement on the menu. The Inspired Home’s mission is to inspire, inform and encourage you to make your house into a home, lead a balanced and healthy lifestyle and to create moments to celebrate and connect with your friends and family.Rocky Road rocked the world of ice cream. It’s a place where I go to find out what new products are coming out along with tips and fantastic recipes. I created this recipe for The Inspired Home website. Also the shape allows you to get the perfect scoop of ice cream.Īll of these textures and flavors come together to create a super rich ice cream with loads of flavor in every bite. You must give this Rocky Road Ice Cream a try!

Rocky road ice cream free#

They are really well insulated so they keep your ice cream free of freezer burn. Because I make a lot of ice cream I’m a huge fan of Tovolo’s Glide-A-Scoop Ice Cream Tubs. A healthy dose of crushed, toasted almonds and mini marshmallows get mixed throughout before this sets up in the freezer. The chocolate is enhanced by vanilla extract and a healthy pinch of salt creating a flavor that is almost naturally malt-like.Īfter the chocolate base churns for a bit in my KitchenAid Ice Cream Maker attachment I add in all the good stuff and I do not skimp. Eggs yolks, cream, milk and sugar are mixed with rich cocoa powder and melted chocolate. My Rocky Road starts like any good homemade ice cream with a rich custard base. It’s updated and made more complex in flavor by using good quality ingredients. My recipe for Rocky Road Ice Cream is over the top. One of the boldest ice cream flavors around is Rocky Road! Who doesn’t love the classic combination of rich chocolate ice cream, crunchy toasted almonds and sweet fluffy marshmallows? We all know and love this childhood favorite but the truth is this flavor is for everyone.

Rocky road ice cream full#

Please see my full disclosure for details.

[skullywullypully]

I wish they more dairy free ice cream flavors 😕

[myfavoritelowcalrecipes]

My favorite pre-packaged safe foods

Now, I know that not ALL of these are considered “low cal” but they are my personal favorite safe foods. I tried to list all of the prepackaged ones I could think of, because everyone knows that fruits and vegetables are generally safe, depending on the person. Hopefully I can help some people find new things that they like and wont give them *too* much anxiety when eating; because I’d ALWAYS rather someone eat something instead of fast, if possible. Everything is under 400 calories, and almost all can be found at Walmart, some at Sam’s Club or on Amazon! You’ll probably see a few of these products in the recipes I plan on posting here! Hopefully this helps!

* Minute rice microwave cups (220 -240 per cup)

* Fiber one multi grain bread (50 per slice)

* Sarah Lee 45 calorie bread (45 per slice)

* Fiber one wraps (80 per wrap)

* Thai Kitchen brown rice noodles (200 per 2oz)

* Pillsbury Coconut flour (30 per tbsp)

* Mission Whole wheat carb balance tortillas (70 per tortilla)

* Whole grain sandwich thins (100 per sandwich thin)

* Wheat thins reduced fat (120 per 16 crackers)

* Bobs red mill multi grain pancake mix (150 per 1/4 cup)

* Light and fit greek yogurt cups (80 calories per container)

* Fat free cheese mozzarella string cheese sticks (80 calories per stick)

* Laughing cow cheese wedges (30 per wedge)

* Butterball pre-made turkey burgers (240 per burger)

* Great value turkey bacon (30 per slice)

* Quest protein powder (110 per 30g)

* Bobs Red Mill textured vegetable protein (80 per 1/4 cup)

* PB2 peanut butter powder (45 per 2 tbsp)

* Great Value freeze dried fruit (no sugar added) (110 per 28g)

* Smuckers sugar free jams and jellies (10 per tbsp)

* Halo ocean roasted seaweed snacks (20 per package)

* Frozen green giant vegetables/frozen meals (nothing they have is over 350 calories per package, I specifically like the fries, tots, pizza crust, and the roasted vegetables (basically anything that has vegetables I put in the riced cauliflower and broccoli lol)

* Birdseye frozen vegetables (same as the green giant ones, I really like their veggie pastas, sauced veggies, Birds Eye Voila!, and the mashed cauliflower)

* I can’t believe it’s not butter (light version)(35 per tbsp)

* Baking extracts (vanilla, butter, lemon, peanut butter, caramel, almond) (typically no more than 10 per tsp)

* Hershey’s special dark cocoa powder (10 per tbsp)

* Walden farms syrups and dressings (all zero calories)

* Sabra flavored hummus (70 per 2 tbsp)

* Wishbone low/no fat salad dressings (35 per 2 tbsp)

* Sugar free maple syrup (20 per 1/4 cup)

* Swerve granulated stevia (all 0 calories)

* Trivia liquid (10 per tsp)

* Better than bullion flavoring pastes (10 per tsp)

* Progresso light soups (130 - 240 per can)

* Nature Valley crunchy granola bars (95 for one)

* Millville protein granola (210 per 1/2 cup)

* Veggie straws or chips (130 for a snack bag)

* Dr Mcdougall chicken flavored cup ramen (180 per cup)

* Quaker rice crisps (140 per small bag)

* Werthers sugar free hard candies (8 per piece)

* Starbucks non-dairy/almond milk creamer (30 per tbsp)

* Silk Shelf-Stable Vanilla Almond Milk Singles (80 per one carton)

* Reddiwhip fat free whipped cream (5 per 2 tbsp)

* Fiber one and protein one bars (most bars and brownies are 70 - 140 per package)

* Swiss Miss reduced calorie hot chocolate mix (40 per envelope)

* Hershey’s sugar free chocolate chips (70 per tbsp)

* Dove 100 calorie chocolate bars (milk chocolate) (100 per bar)

* Lean cuisine and smart ones frozen meals (these range between 150 to 400 per meal)

* So Delicious ice cream and bars (330 and less per most pints, 110 per bar)

* Skinny cow ice cream pints and bars (330 - 370 per pint, 120 - 190 per bar, the pints aren’t really easy to find for me, but the bars are)

* Outshine fruit frozen pops/bars (25 - 120 per bar/pop)

* Smart sweets candy (100 per bag)

* Gerber baby Greek yogurt puffs (30 per 1/4 cup)

* Torani sugar free flavoring syrups (0 per 2 tbsp)

* Miracle rice and noodles (20 per package)

* Coke Zero (regular and cherry) (0 per 16.9oz bottle)

* Sprite Zero (0 per 16.9oz bottle)

* Canada Dry diet ginger ale (0 per 8oz)

* Powerade Zero (0 per bottle)

* Powerade power water zero

* ICE Sparkling water (0 per 16.9oz bottle)

* Polar plain sparkling water (0 per 12oz can)

* American Clear sparkling water (0 per liter bottle)

* ICE energy drinks (0 per can)

* Wylers water flavoring packets (5 per packet)

* Mio liquid water flavoring (0 per tsp)

* Members Mark french vanilla cappuccino mix (80 per 3 tbsp)

[clatterbane]

Something I had been wanting to make for a while, and finally got around to this evening!

And it turned out tasting about like I was hoping, which counts as a major win. 😊

For this one, I used what we had left in a bag of frozen raspberries, and made up the difference with maybe a third frozen blackberries. Which ended up about as tasty a combo as you might expect!

Plus a mix of half sorghum/juwar flour, 25% chickpea, and 25% Dove's Farm GF plain white flour blend.

(Pretty much any type of flour should work here. But, I like that combo for a straight gluten free substitution for basic white wheat flour in most baking applications--and a lot of cooking too. You also get 75% whole grain/legume nutrition without it standing out as anything but neutral.

The sorghum and chickpea flour/besan are also usually pretty cheap, btw, if you buy them from Indian groceries. Online, if that's not accessible near you. A number of good GF flours common in South Asia, for that matter. Some brands certified GF here in the UK, at least--I know Natco is apparently careful enough that they have recalled some product batches, even when they're not explicitly labeled.)

This recipe should also be easy to make vegan/dairy free, just subbing the butter and milk.

One unusual thing about this batch, though? The fruit and batter didn't reverse themselves as it cooked! It also got a little crusty around the edges, trying to make sure the middle was done under all that fruit, but nothing tasted burnt. A little extra texture variation! 😁

How this style of cobbler process and end result normally look.

Compared to how mine turned out tonight:

I think the issue there may have been that the berries were still frozen when they went in, so they wanted to float more while the cakey part started setting up under it. 🤔 Expected that to add like 5-10 minutes onto the baking time, not turn it into more of a berry-topped saucy cake.

But, it turned out delicious, so I'm not about to complain! And, as usual, the ice cream made it even better--with half of both left for tomorrow. If I don't eat the rest by myself tonight. 😋

[jewishzevran]

this heart is starting to come to life

So earlier this week, @cullenvhenan posted this about her inquisitor immy lavellan and cullen in a modern au setting, and i couldn’t stop my little goblin hands from writing it. i had to keep putting my head on my desk and take deep breaths because they love each other so much and they just don’t realise yet buhuhu ;____;

Cullen groaned, and dropped his head against his steering wheel, wishing the ground had swallowed him up on the walk from the restaurant to his car. 

What a fucking disaster. 

She had been nice. She was pretty. She was interested in his hobbies, and had been respectful about avoiding the topic of war. Yet, by the end of the meal, he somehow felt even lonelier than when he had sat down. It had been two years since he had left Eliza and that whole Maker-forsaken mess behind, but she was still finding ways to ruin his night. 

He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. At least he had a couple of days off. 

The drive back to the apartment block was, thankfully, uneventful, and he pulled into his usual space feeling marginally less shit than he had done 15 minutes prior. Nodding to the security guard at the door, he checked the mail and then headed up the stairs. He'd go for a run with Mushy to clear his head, and hopefully tire himself out enough that he didn't spend six hours staring at the ceiling.

There was no familiar barking or tail wagging at the door when he stepped inside, and he frowned for a moment, wondering where Mushy had got to before he heard whining and sniffling from the lounge. Cullen took off his shoes and padded gently towards the source of the noise; when he pushed open the door his heart sank, because Mushy was sat in front of the couch whining and pawing at Immy, who was curled up on on it, knees pulled right against her chest and her face buried in her lap while she cried.

"Hey, hey, hey, Immy…" He said, walking quickly to the couch and crouching beside it, gently resting a hand on her leg. "What on earth is wrong?"

She started at his voice and her head snapped up, but she relaxed and sighed when she registered who he was. 

"Oh, Cullen." She said, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands. "I didn't hear you come in."

Cullen shifted to sit next to her on the sofa, still looking at her with deep concern. He waited patiently for her to take several deep breaths, and felt around blindly for the box of tissues that he knew was on the coffee table. Mushy boofed quietly and nudged them into his hand.  

"It's my boss. Again." Immy finally said, wrinkling her nose and yanking a tissue from the box angrily. "Do you know how much work I've actually done in the lab this whole week? Ten minutes. Ten! He treats all of us like children, talking slowly when he explains the most basic alchemical concepts like none of us have degrees or training. I filled out my own appraisal today, Cullen, because he told me he couldn't be bothered. It's humiliating. We're fucking miserable, and all I ever hear is how lucky I am to work for such an esteemed alchemist." She rolled her eyes at the last two words, flopping back against the cushions. "I want to quit. I should quit. But I have bills to pay, and lab work is so much easier to find when you're already working in one, and it took me so long to find this one, and I…" She trailed off, looking at Cullen and biting her lip as her eyes filled with fresh tears. "I'm scared."

"I understand," he said, rubbing her leg soothingly. "It's okay to be scared. And it's okay to be angry. He treats you terribly and I wish there was something I could do to help."

Immy smiled gratefully, scratching Mushy's ears absent-mindedly. "Thanks, Cullen." There was a pause where they lapsed into comfortable silence, before Cullen had an idea. 

"Come on," he said, smiling and getting to his feet, holding a hand out to Immy. "Let's go to the corner shop. You need ice cream."

Immy raised an eyebrow. "You're the one always telling me off for eating dairy." She adopted a mockingly serious expression and lowered her voice into a terrible impression of his own. "You're lactose-intolerant, Imryll! Stop eating cheese, Imryll! Why have you got a milkshake, Imryll? You'll only make yourself feel worse later on!"

Cullen chuckled and rolled his eyes. "It's an emergency. I'll let it slide. Now come on."

Immy grinned and took his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. “Fine. But you’re paying, and we get to buy treats for Mushy.”

The sun was just dipping behind the roofs as they stepped onto the pavement, and Cullen found himself enjoying the short walk to the shop. He and Immy were content in silence, and he watched as she hopped from paving stone to paving stone, skipping and twirling round lamp posts, dancing to music only she could hear. It was nice to see her like this for once; she spent so long working, and the rest of the time stressing about that work, that seeing her be herself was a rare sight these days. It was a welcome change. 

Cullen watched her in the store too, chatting happily to the clerk, who knew them well by now, smiling warmly as they both entered. She picked out ice cream, and managed to convince him to let her get two tubs, though both of them knew it wasn’t a hard sell. She snuck extra treats for Mushy onto the counter too, which Cullen pretended not to see, and Immy pretended were a total surprise to find in the bag. 

When she sank onto the couch, Cullen retrieved her favourite stuffed toy, and the pink fleece blanket that sat on the bottom of her bed, and tucked her in. She tried to protest but Cullen just raised an eyebrow, which, accompanied by a boof and tail wag from Mushy, was more than enough for her to relent. 

Five minutes later, they were settled in their usual position: Immy snuggled into one corner, legs stretched out, feet in Cullen’s lap, with Mushy curled up under Cullen’s arm on the other side. Immy tucked into her ice cream happily and raised an eyebrow skeptically when Cullen picked out their entertainment for the evening.

“A chess documentary?”

“What?” He replied defensively. "It’s informative, on a subject I like, and not nearly complicated enough to require our full attention.”

“Fine.” She said reluctantly, nudging him with her foot. “You’re lucky I like you, Cullen.”

He chuckled. “So you keep reminding me.”

It was about another half an hour later when Immy suddenly sat up, eyes wide. “Oh!” She said around a mouthful of dessert. “I completely forgot! How was your date?”

Cullen groaned in response. 

“That bad, huh?”

“It was… fine.”

“Buuuuut?” Immy encouraged, and Cullen sighed. 

“But it was just fine. It was… boring, really.”

“No spark?”

Cullen shook his head. “Nothing. She was nice and pretty and I barely remember anything we talked about. And the worst part is, I think I knew it would be like that before I arrived. I’m not even sure why I agreed to meet her in the first place.”

That part was a lie. He did know, but he couldn’t bear to admit it to Immy. He already felt pathetic, he didn’t want her to pity him on top of everything else. 

She smiled at him sympathetically. “Hey. It happens. At least it was forgettable as opposed to disastrous.”

“Well, there is that.”

“You know, like that time you went to Joe’s Bar, and-”

“Yes, thank you, Immy.” Cullen said, blushing furiously and glowering at her. “You know I swear the reason no one has forgotten that is because you keep bringing it up.”

Immy grinned. “Who? Me? Never.” 

It should have annoyed him, but for some reason, he just rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly. “You’re impossible, sometimes.”

“Look, someone has to keep you interesting, Mr ‘I-Watch-Chess-Documentaries-For-Fun’”

“Hey, you were getting really into it before you decided to bring up my shambles of a love life!”

Immy just stuck her tongue out, and took another large spoonful of ice cream. 

They watched the rest of the documentary, then Immy found some ridiculous foreign drama to watch that Cullen had never heard of, and they ordered take-out. The next several hours were mostly spent laughing. Immy stole his glasses to do a terrible impression of him sat at his date, and he helped her brainstorm outlandish scenarios in which her boss would get his comeuppance, and she would be appointed head of the lab and given crown funding from the King to do whatever research she fancied, and make dairy-free ice cream that didn’t taste like garbage. Mushy posed several interesting ideas, which Immy listened to intently and rewarded him with treats for, agreeing with everything and pretending to take notes. They shared food from each other’s plates and Cullen gave her the spare dumpling in the serving of five, because he knew it would get him a smile. 

It did, and her eyes crinkled with delight as he insisted she take it, and his heart definitely didn’t speed up when he noticed her dimples, or how endearing they were. He didn’t see them very often, but whenever he did, it was a smile that lit up her whole face, making her eyes sparkle. 

“It’s okay, you know,” she said quietly during a period of silence. “That you’re struggling. With dating, I mean.”

Cullen sighed and closed his eyes, putting his food down on the table. “It’s been two years, Immy.”

“That’s not that long.” She shifted position, rotating to lean against his shoulder, tucking her legs up underneath her. 

“Isn’t it?”

“Not after what happened, absolutely not.” Her hand came to rest on his knee. “Stuff like that takes time to get over.”

Cullen felt his jaw tighten. “But I-”

“But nothing, Cullen,” Immy said, lifting her head and turning to look at him. “You’ve been through a lot of shit. You wouldn’t say the same things to me, would you? That I was taking too much time to recover or that my progress was meaningless?”

He wanted to disagree, but she was right. He would never say those things to her. But she was kind, and passionate, and she spread light wherever she went, and he was just… him. He turned to meet her gaze, and she was looking at him with such a fierce intensity it momentarily stole his breath away. 

“Be kinder to yourself, Cullen.” She said, quietly. “You deserve it.”

"Thank you," he said, his mouth suddenly dry as sandpaper, "for listening to me. It… helps." She was so close he could count each individual freckle on her face if he wanted, a canvas of constellations he suddenly longed to chart. 

"I'll always listen," she replied. "You're my friend, Cullen."

The silence that followed only lasted a few seconds, but it might as well have been a millennia. Cullen's eyes flicked to Immy's lips, and it felt as if the entire world was holding its breath. His pulse thudded in his ears. How had he never noticed how nice her lips were before? 

A police siren wailed outside, and Cullen cleared his throat, pulling away and rubbing the back of his neck, feeling heat creeping up his face. "Yes. Well. I'm glad. You're mine too. My friend, I mean."

Immy was blushing as well, looking pointedly at anything that wasn't him, and he seized the opportunity to disappear before he embarrassed himself further.

"I'm going to. Um. Go for a run. Take Mushy. It'll help me sleep. Okay. Cool." He stood up from the sofa like it had burned him and nearly power walked into his room, closing the door far too loudly. He leant against it and slid down until he was sat on the floor, groaning loudly and banging his head against the wood. He could still smell her hair. It would have been so easy to reach out, to tangle his fingers in those beautiful, thick, black curls and press his lips against hers—

Oh. 

Oh no. 

He was fucked. 

[artificialqueens]

You're Wonder Under Summer Skies (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: Brooke and Vanessa reflect on the year and their relationship as summer vacation starts. (For @writethehousedown Summer Lovin’ Week 2020).

A/N: I really loved the little teachers verse I created, and I decided to continue it here! (You might want to read the first part, Here Comes the Sun, before this). This is basically pure fluff and ice cream, and I really hope you enjoy! I would appreciate any feedback or comments you have! Thank you so much to Writ for betaing and always supporting me, you’re the best!

Title from Adore You by Harry Styles.

—

“Come on, Brooke, you’re using all the hot fudge!”

Brooke grins as Vanessa pulls up at her side.

“I saved you some, don’t worry.”

“You better have. You know how many rolls of wrapping paper we had to sell for that?” Vanessa teases, sticking her bowl under the dispenser. The PTA had fundraised enough to get real hot fudge and caramel sauce dispensers this year, and they’d had to stop more than a few kids from sticking their heads under the spouts. The last day of school ice cream party is always a success, and Brooke almost wants to apologize to the parents for the sugar-high, sticky, and grass-stained state they’ll receive their children in today.

The kids are running some of the sugar off on the playground, and it’s time for the teachers to raid the ice cream. Most of them are more excited than the kids, and who could blame them when the folding tables spread down the gym are what dreams are made of: gallons of ice cream in vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry (including dairy-free), with sprinkles, brownies, cookies, marshmallows, fruit, whipped cream, and an entire candy store to top it with. Nina covered the tables with striped tablecloths for an ice cream parlor vibe, supervising it all in an apron and paper hat, an enormous grin on her face.

Vanessa’s bowl is more candy than ice cream, and Brooke has to smile. Vanessa’s love of candy only makes her even cuter in Brooke’s eyes, and after they started dating, she began keeping extra candy in her desk in case Vanessa had a rough day, or for regular days when Brooke wanted to surprise her.

Brooke applies her finishing layer of whipped cream and looks at her masterpiece of a sundae when shouting erupts behind them.

“Give it back!”

“No!”

Brooke sighs. “Sounds like some kids are fighting. I thought they were all outside…” She and Vanessa head down the table, to see the kids in question are none other than Silky and A’keria.

“Yep, some kids fighting all right,” Vanessa cackles.

“Give me the gummy bears!” Silky lunges for the bag in A’keria’s arms.

A’keria pulls back like a boxer dodging a punch, holding the bag to her chest for dear life. “No! Last year you took them all, and I didn’t get any! Even when I told you sharing is caring. Now you can have a gummy bear-less sundae and see how it feels.”

“Hey, there’s another bag!” Nina interrupts, giving Silky a fresh bag and ushering them away from the table.

Tears of laughter glisten in Vanessa’s eyes, and Brooke has to grab some water before she chokes.

“They’re like two old ladies, I swear,” Vanessa says. She leads Brooke outside where they sit under a tree together.

Vanessa begins eating her candy with a side of chocolate ice cream, and Brooke grins. “So, embarrassing story,” she begins, watching Vanessa’s eyes light up, “When I was little, I wouldn’t eat chocolate ice cream because I thought it was made of chalk. My mom told me it wasn’t, but I wouldn’t believe her.”

“Stop, that’s adorable!” Vanessa squeals. She throws her head back and roars with laughter, summer sun sparkling against her hair, and Brooke is in awe that they’re here together, ready for casual dress day in jeans and the Star Wars T-shirts they had picked for each other. Last year she had watched Vanessa from afar, trying to find the courage to say something, wondering if her ice cream would taste better if she was enjoying it with Vanessa.

Now she can say, definitively, that it does.

—

Taking the classroom apart is Vanessa’s most-dreaded school activity. Aside from the exhaustion of trying to pack up grade books and pencils and crayons and notebooks into boxes, of tossing dirty, ripped-up decorations in the trash, there’s the sadness of it. Another year gone, another group of kids ready to be first-graders, another year becoming memories. But tomorrow’s the kindergarten graduation, and she does get to see Brooke in her black dress with white flowers, the prospect making up for the sadness.

“It’s summertime, Bertha,” Vanessa says, stroking the guinea pig cheerfully. The two babies, Cinnamon and Nutmeg, sleep peacefully in the corner. At least she’ll have them home with her this summer. She lets Bertha rest as she starts on cleaning.

Her year-round stuff–the games and toys and books in the back, plus her dog posters–can stay until the fall, but the rest has to go. With a heavy heart, she starts pulling down her summer fun decorations. There’s the construction paper beach balls and sunglass-wearing suns she had carefully made at Brooke’s one weekend, giggling and watching cooking shows while Brooke made construction paper ice cream cones for her class.

She tugs down the palm trees and deep blue paper she had turned into waves bobbing along the classroom walls. Last are the sandals and sunglasses she made, scattered around the room. Vanessa gets everything within her height range, and then she’ll ask Brooke for help with the rest. At least this year she won’t have to risk her life standing on chairs or desks or, as a last resort, trying to knock things down with a broom whose bristles always sent unknown debris into her face.

Her room goes from a sunkissed beach to a cold white block, but the emptiness doesn’t bother her as much this year. Maybe because she has Brooke now. She won’t have to exchange an awkward ‘see you next fall’, because she and Brooke have the whole summer ahead of them to spend together.

They’ve taken things slow since April, slower than any relationship Vanessa’s had. But she likes having time, not rushing things, letting each tiny moment really bask in all its meaning and glory. The first time they held hands in public, fingers locking as they browsed through a bookstore. The first time Vanessa made dinner for Brooke, rice and beans and homemade tortillas that Brooke devoured almost the whole stack of. And today, which will be the first time Vanessa tells Brooke she loves her.

In April, it took all she had to spit out that I might love you too. She’s held back since then, not wanting to go too fast or scare Brooke away, because she knows Brooke’s never been in any long-term relationships and often gets scared putting her heart out there. But Vanessa doesn’t want any more I might or I think. She wants to tell Brooke for real, to silence any doubts there could be, to let Brooke know Vanessa will never hurt her. She loves Brooke, and she wants her to know it.

Taking one last look at her almost-bare room, Vanessa heads next door.

—

Brooke carefully packs up the foam-board banana split she made and takes a look at her room, nearly empty except for the dinosaur and cat posters she leaves up all year. She carefully packs up the felt Worry Monster so he’ll stay safe until he can soothe new kids’ fears in the fall. Rose and Lily, the two guinea pigs Vanessa gave her, squeak happily, one of the only signs of life still in the classroom. There’s no trace of the ice cream cones she cut from brown construction paper and topped with a rainbow of scoops and sprinkles, no laughter bouncing off the walls, no stray LEGO blocks lying in wait to assault someone. Just a quiet classroom that will be filled with new decorations, new kids, and new excitement in a few months.

“You put your stuff away so nice. I just dumped it in boxes,” Vanessa mutters as she walks into the room.

Brooke shrugs. “I like to do it slow, I guess.”

“And think about the year,” Vanessa says, and Brooke nods, still in awe of how Vanessa can always tell what she’s thinking. Still in awe that she gets to be with someone who knows her so well.

Vanessa takes her hand and pulls her across the room. They climb on Brooke’s desk, moving aside her Totoro mug and the toy stegosaurus Vanessa got her just because she knew Brooke would like it. Brooke still can’t believe she gets presents from Vanessa, for no other reason than just because. Vanessa’s feet swing merrily, high above the floor, and it makes Brooke’s heart burst.

“Another year over, huh?” Vanessa says softly. She leans over, resting her head on Brooke’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” Brooke sighs. “You’d think we’d be used to it by now.”

“I know. If you asked me in September, I couldn’t wait until June. But now tomorrow’s their graduation, and…”

“You wonder where the year went,” Brooke finishes. There were the busy early days of learning names and getting the kids adjusted and soothing fears, days with lots of tears when she wished the year would end already. Somehow, the last day of school–in all its breathless, sticky-sweet glory of ice cream and graduation excitement–came from nowhere. Even after all her years teaching, it still sneaks up on her every summer.

“We’ll have new kids soon,” Vanessa says, taking Brooke’s hand.

“Yeah.” Brooke squeezes back.

“I bet you have your fall theme planned already.”

Brooke blushes. “I was thinking a big tree, with all the kids’ names on apples. How about you?”

“Maybe a pumpkin patch.” Vanessa shrugs. “My parents took me to one every year. Then they couldn’t get me out of there because I wanted to hug and kiss all the pumpkins. I think that’s why they got me a dog.”

Brooke laughs, all too easily picturing a tiny Vanessa wrapping her arms around pumpkins bigger than her. “Maybe this fall we can go to a pumpkin patch. You can hug and kiss all the pumpkins you want.”

Vanessa grins, snuggling deeper into Brooke’s side. “As long as I get to hug and kiss you too.”

Brooke’s cheeks burn again. “Of course.”

Vanessa lifts her head suddenly, turning to look at Brooke. Her eyes are sunshine-warm and bright, her teeth emerging in a hesitant smile. “Hey, Brooke?”

“Yeah?” Brooke asks uncertainly. She can tell from the way Vanessa glances at her lap and bites her lip that she has something big, something important to say, and Brooke’s stomach twists. What if Vanessa doesn’t like her anymore and wants to break up? What if–

“I love you.” Vanessa’s words cut clear through Brooke’s worries, making her mouth hang open. Vanessa loves her, and as embarrassing as it is, Brooke’s never gotten this far in a relationship. Most of them ended after just a few boring dates. But Vanessa is unlike anyone Brooke’s been with, and Brooke knows that she loves her too. Loves their lunches and movie nights, their jokes and secret glances they trade back and forth. Loves the way Vanessa makes her feel like she’s wrapped in a warm blanket, how her hugs are like coming home.

“I love you too,” Brooke finally manages after Vanessa starts getting worried about her silence. “Sorry, I just…I’ve never really said that to anyone.”

And Vanessa, kind as ever, doesn’t laugh or tease her, but just smiles. “I’m happy to be the first, then.”

Suddenly they’re kissing, right on Brooke’s desk like some sort of school fantasy come to life, only real and even better than any dream. Brooke is amazed that their kisses still feel like this, that everything between them still feels as special and important and lovely as the first time. Vanessa’s lips carry the faint taste of chocolate ice cream and the million candies she’d piled on top, giving Brooke a residual sugar rush. Vanessa’s hands trace gently up and down Brooke’s arms, her touch soft and soothing, and Vanessa whines when they separate.

“You’re still coming over tonight, right?” Brooke checks. It had been her idea to order pizza and have a little last day of school party of their own.

“Oh yeah! And I’m bringing the ice cream.”

“We just had ice cream.”

Vanessa presses her fingertip to Brooke’s nose. “You can never have enough ice cream.”

“Or enough kisses,” Brooke says, leaning in for one more. They load their stuff into the car and head out into the warm sun, summer firmly in their grasp.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Susan scolding Billy for something and maybe says something in the heat of the moment like ”this is why your dad treat you like this” and Billy says that Neil is not his father. But Billy also feels that its his fault he blames himself for getting beaten. And he runhome to hop and collapse in his arm and stays there for a long time as hop comforts him

Ohmydearme okay i dunno if this is what you were thinking of but i got real angsty thinking about this and made myself wanna cry bc like??

{TW: implied homophobia, implied abuse}

Let’s collectively think about Billy at the grocery store (bc i don’t think i’ll ever get sick of thinking of Billy doing little mundane tasks like grocery shopping) to pick up some random things like milk and a box of pasta or something, when he turns down the dairy aisle and locks eyes w/ a red haired woman he hasn’t seen in months standing at the other end of the walkway.

Susan.

And Billy leaves the aisle immediately bc he’s not about to deal w/ this shit. He doesn’t want to see her and he doesn’t want to handle it. But she fucking follows him, no matter where he’s going she’s peering around corners and looking at him w/ her tired eyes and he’s just gonna leave at this point when she finally bumps into him.

“Oh! Billy! What a surprise. I’m actually glad to run into you.” She says, clearly nervous as she fixes her cardigan absent-mindedly.

Bullshit. You fucking forced this.

“Sorry, can’t say the same.” Billy says with that charming smirk he gives to all of the middle aged mothers in Hawkins, except this one is laced with poison and is aimed at someone who is most definitely immune to it.

“Come on now, Billy.” Susan’s eyebrows are furrowed, her eyes disapproving but still semi-fearful. Her eyes are always fearful. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

And Billy is standing there basically stranded with a row of cheeses on one side and ice cream on the other and this woman in front of him so he just sits in his hip and looks at her expectantly.

She clears her throat.

“I just… wanted to talk to you. Because… well… there’s no real easy way to say this, is there?”

She seems nervous. For a second Billy thinks this is going to turn into something about Neil. A million reasons why this woman would want to talk to him run through his head all at once. They all scare him, until he comes to find this isn’t about anything he was thinking of.

“It’s just, my friends have been telling me that they’ve been… seeing you with a boy. Pretty frequently. Sometimes they say you get rather close to him and… well they’re starting to question my parenting because they know I’ve been your mother for-”

“You’re not my mother.” Billy grinds out and it seems to take Susan aback.

“I- I… well yes, of course not. Of course not.” Her voice is quiet as she says it.

She looks at Billy with that same hint of fear in her eyes. Billy’s stare is stone. Susan continues.

“I just had to tell you that it’s all getting so… well so embarrassing, honestly.”

“Embarrassing?” Billy’s arms are crossed, jaw tight, eyes fixed.

“Yes. You’ve put me in an incredibly embarrassing situation. And I can only think of how embarrassing it must be for Maxine, too.”

Billy’s seeing more red than just Susan’s hair.

“Well Susan, I have good news for you. You’re out of my life now and what I do with the local boys is none of your fucking concern.” He’s smiling something poisonous and harsh that Susan would normally shrink at, and she does for a second, before she puffs herself up.

“That’s absolutely no way for you to speak to me, young man.”

Billy’s going to throw fists at the mozzarella balls next to him. He takes a heavy breath. Susan looks like she’s about to step on a real high fucking horse.

“I just had to tell you that people are starting to talk. They say you... you might be… that thing that your father always said you were.” She’s shaking her head, looking anywhere but Billy for a second. “I’m just showing concern for you, is all. I don’t understand this hostility-”

“Well I can explain it to you. It’s because this is none of your fucking concern. I left for a goddamn reason.”

“Billy, really-”

But Billy isn’t done. He takes a step forward, looking down on her with a stare to melt ice, his gaze completely blinded by the warm rage clouding his mind because he’s fucking pissed and his whole body is shaking and his hands are slowly morphing fists and then he’s growling:

“And it wasn’t to listen to shitty warnings about what your hive-mind, hope-to-be-divorcee friends think of me. I don’t fucking care, so kindly stop talking to me and go grab your low fat cream cheese and your copy of Cosmo and cry yourself to sleep about how your husband doesn’t touch you enough.”

His mind is completely fogged up and racing and it’s not until he’s done talking that he starts to see again. Starts to cool down enough to even register Susan’s face in front of him and it’s one of pure submissive fear. Something he thinks he’s felt before, just by looking at it. Susan has always had fear in her eyes, has never stood up for herself, and Billy is so sure this is going to be another instance bc nothing in his experience has ever proved otherwise. But suddenly her gaze hardens over and she starts breathing harder and she’s huffing like a fucking chain smoker before she says, with venom in her gaze:

“I used to question it, but really it’s no wonder that your father treated you the way he did.”

And in a split-second, Billy’s world freezes over. He’s been stuck with shot of ice. He’s completely frozen solid as he watches Susan’s face once again slip into that fearful submission. He thinks maybe she’s going to be as meek and timid as she always is. It was just a blip and she’s about to start apologizing profusely, like she always does when she makes somebody upset.

But no.

No, she hardens up. She straightens her back. She looks Billy dead in the eye. This is the rock she’s chosen to stand on. This is the comment she’s decided to stick up for. This is the side she’s chosen. It’s this. And it’s against Billy. It’s saying Billy deserved everything she’s seen Neil do to him.

It’s getting hard to see again, but this time it’s blurry instead of red.

“That man is not my fucking father.” is all Billy can muster up.

They stare at each other for a good few seconds before Susan looks to the people who are slowing down near them. Ever concerned about her public image.

“I think you should go now.” She says like she fucking owns the store, like he’s not fucking welcome in this public grocery store.

He wants to fight. Wants to scream and kick and punch and just break something. But he turns on his heels and he leaves with what feels like a storm of emotions trailing him out and he drives back home in a rush of blurry red that honestly inhibits his driving more than alcohol does most times and he’s walking into the cabin and slamming the door behind him and Hop is standing in the kitchen with a mug of something and confused concern in his eyes and a question of: “Billy? What’s wrong?” on his lips and Billy is falling apart.

Unraveling and spiralling and falling falling falling because he sees Neil every time he closes his eyes. He sees that red face and that mouth full of spit and those eyes full of fire at every little thing and he hears himself. Hears what he just said to Susan not 10 minutes ago. Those horrible things that he knows were horrible but he still said them because he’s just looking for attention, just isn’t disciplined enough, needs to learn respect and responsibility and the consequences to his actions.

His vision is too blurry to see anything but angry and red and puffing Neil, looming above him and knocking him down and his knees can’t physically hold him anymore because he’s unraveling, thread by thread unraveling so fast that he falls and lands on something hard but soft, surrounding his torso because he didn’t fall down, he’s fallen into something and it’s rumbling something low and quiet and-

“Billy? Billy, let’s sit down, okay?”

And once he’s seated he realizes it’s Hop. It’s Jim. and the rage is inside of him because fuck he can’t fucking get rid of it, some days it feels like it just fucking lives there and he’s gathering the fabric of Jim’s shirt up in his fists hard and he’s burrowing his face into Jim’s chest and he’s just sobbing. Everything inside of him bubbling out like a soda bottle and the world is black yet blurry and red with that spit filled mouth of anger and he just feels so weak. Weak from crying, weak for crying, weak in his mind and his body and he just stays there. They stay there. For what feels like too long to be real, they stay there.

And Hop holds Billy until he feels the boy’s shoulders relax. Until the grip on his shirt is free. Until he stops hearing the mumbled ramblings of I deserved it I deserved it I deserved it being spoken against his chest.

He asks Billy if he wants to talk about it because he’s learning about this stuff as he goes and he knows sometimes Billy can’t talk. Billy shakes his head no.

They listen to a record and drink some hot chocolate and Billy stops shaking about half an hour before El comes home from hanging out with her friends. She immediately notices his red eyes and his runny nose and asks Billy if he wants to borrow one of her stuffed animals as a sleep buddy. He thanks her and lets her hug him before he heads to bed. Sends Hop a quiet “goodnight” and the smallest smile imaginable before he climbs under his covers. But he doesn’t shake through the night and actually gets some sleep and that’s enough to feel like an accomplishment right now.

[carefreeblackho]

Espresso has Become a Relentless Power all Throughout the Planet.

In excess of 2 billion cups of espresso are tanked each day across the globe – affirms that it's a beverage, however the soul for some individuals, and living without it would be incomprehensible. http://reviewmycoffee.com/

Presently it's an entirely different world with its own fragrance, flavors, and celebrations, which have taken perpetual residency in our lives.

In case you're another individual from its high roads, you may be mistaken for the language of the espresso menu and asking yourself, what the heck is macchiato? Would it be a good idea for me to arrange this beverage with luxurious finished froth? Will the barista believe, I'm a weakling on the off chance that I request a beverage with loads of milk?

Take a full breath; in this guide, I've laid out practically each one of those beverages you find at your neighborhood caffé menu, so in the future you'll realize what to arrange – and anticipate.

Essential Coffee Drinks

Dark Coffee

Dark espresso resembles a delightful dark dress in the drinks world. From easy to refined, it goes including ports transportation to rooms, polytechnic to humble community coffee shops, American cowpokes to French Press models. It's an ageless work of art – so regardless of whether you're attempting to beat the odds, you can in any case have a cup of joe prior to taking off to the drives. Essentially heat up some water and add espresso (beans, grounds, or leaves) to it. Refine cautiously – and you're prepared to grip fingers around your ideal cup of caffeine. No seasoning, it'll knock your socks off! On the off chance that you see it interestingly, you may think it tastes severe or ashy, yes it likely does. Yet, the normal pleasantness and other flavor ascribes are interesting to this beverage. 

Besides, you may discover numerous valid justifications to drink dark espresso, however the medical advantage of eliminating dairy and sugar will likely start your longing to find out about the flavor subtleties of dark espresso.

However, in the event that it's consuming your tongue or your taste buds aren't tolerating its taste, you can add the cream or milk and sugar or fake sugar to change the blessing to coordinate with it to your style.

Ultimately, it will not damage your wallet as you'll as a rule discover it as the similarly least expensive alternative in the greater part of the caffé menus.  Learn more

Turkish Coffee

With regards to espresso, Turkish espresso aficionados love to cite;

Despite the fact that bistros offering coffees, level whites, and cappuccinos have gotten mainstream in Istanbul, still, Turkish Coffee is a critical piece of their way of life and an ideal expansion to any profound discussion with loved ones.

Turkish espresso culture and custom have the UNESCO World Heritage status due to their exceptional planning and preparing strategy. In this way, regardless of whether you haven't went to Turkey ever, you presumably heard the reference or even attempted it.

However, on the off chance that you don't have a clue, when you'll allude the nose-ringed barista about "Turkish Coffee," more often than not, it implies you're requesting a thick, dark espresso.

In any case, in the event that you need to give it a shot at your home, it will not expect you to have any unique barista abilities to make a serious mug of java.

Here is the breakdown of steps:

Essentially bubble one cup of water alongside two tablespoons of coffee beans in a cezve, a little pot with a long handle, generally made of copper – it's otherwise called ibriks.

Since sugar is never added, you'll need to indicate the amount you need to add. You can get it with no sugar, one sugar 3D shape for semi-pleasantness, or two 3D squares for sweet Turkish espresso.

As the espresso arrives at the bubble, let the froth rise and eliminate it from heat before it's going to spill. This ensures your espresso will have full froth, and without it, it's absolutely unsatisfactory.

You can rehash the third step a few times.

Serve it in a little cup; it never implies it's to be burned-through rapidly; taste a bit, converse with your buddies and rehash.

Cold Brew

It's something other than the cool, it gives you caffeine-taste of frosted espresso. Begun from store coffeehouses, it could have its spot on the Caffe menus of major groups like Starbucks and Peets.

The flavor is one of those small bunch of reasons why Cold Brew detonated throughout the most recent couple of years, and with the primary taste, you may think why individuals didn't cold blending espresso a very long time prior.

It's most likely going to be your best-cherished beverage If you're a devotee of a smooth, offset mug of espresso with low causticity, covered with a rich body.

You will not need to ask your organs to co-work for this beverage, It's essentially distress free in any event, for a fretfully unfilled stomach.

Basically, in case you're delicate to corrosiveness, Cold Brew is your lifeline.

Weaken the concentrate with milk, and you'll have your frosted latte prepared to taste. Or on the other hand, blend the move in with your soul of decision, and you'll have another form of Cold Brew (charged mixed drink) prepared to chug; it's so delectable!

All in all, what I mean? Flavor prospects are perpetual with Cold Brew!

Frosted Coffee

Stand by! Cold Brew isn't the Iced Coffee?

Frosted espresso can be any type of espresso – trickle, pour-over and even coffee. However, chilly brew is a particular style of frosted espresso or a frosted espresso method. One isn't superior to other people; they are made diversely and have unmistakable preferences.

At the point when you ask the barista for a virus brew espresso at a café or bistro, you'll be given out a mug of java delicately blended with frosted shapes.

Its approach is essentially the immediate openness of cold water with espresso beans for around 12-16 hours to guarantee the best and tasty experience of cold mix. When the soaking closes, the concentrated fluid is blended in with water to make you a solid and delish cup of cold brew.

Then again, when you'll arrange a frosted espresso, frequently you'll be presented with a hot espresso poured over ice, yet it tastes excessively weakened so the vast majority of the java consumers currently incline toward espresso fermented at twofold strength (by utilizing the twofold measure of espresso), however it can likewise be the trickle espresso that is administered straight ridiculous precious stones or chilled in the cooler and presto Reviewmycoffee.com  !

You'll see a lot of frosted espresso fortes in a large portion of the cafés as it doesn't require some investment to mix one cup, you point your finger at the bill of admission.

Assortment of Espresso Based Drinks

Coffee is the foundation of a variety of mouth-watering juiced drinks.

In case you're new to the espresso world, you most likely noticed the java sweethearts mentioning the talented barista for "single-shot" or "twofold shot." at the end of the day, they were really requesting the little focused punch of each one of those normal cancer prevention agents in a delectable bundle – the coffee.

All in all, for what reason do individuals cherish coffee? You can't deny the spirit contacting fragrance of newly preparing shot, its taste, gigantic jolt of energy, less caffeine per ounce, crema besting, and above all, the punch of many medical advantages in each taste.

The greater part of the delectable strengths create from coffee, and that is the reason they are ruling most of space on the menu. It's the type of substance of each latte, cappuccino, and a lot of different varieties – mocha or level white, we can't get enough.

In any case, before jump into the ocean of coffee drinks, you simply need to know how master baristas create fulfilling coffee shots to make your most appropriate mug of java.

The interaction includes delivering a concentrated fluid by constraining the water at an ideal temperature (190 to 196 degrees Fahrenheit) and pressing factor (normally 9 to 15 bars) for 18 to 20 seconds through entirely fine espresso beans.

An appropriately extricated shot looks delectably smooth, covered with a smooth crema and an extraordinary fragrance. With the main taste, you'll surely fall in ceaseless love with this cup of joe.

How about we discover how baristas all throughout the planet utilize this Italian designed marvel to make those delish claims to fame that sparkle like stars on the cafeteria menu.

Ristretto

"Confined" or "restricted" in Italian methods, it's basically the primary portion of a full coffee shot while utilizing a similar measure of espresso beans. Connoisseur espresso aficionados regularly incline toward ristretto as it gives you a sheer quality alongside the rich and fragrant kind of espresso beans.

Try not to be messed with "close to nothing"; this fun-size shot is loaded with a particularly incredible punch.

A solitary ristretto shot ought to be 15 ml, while 30 ml for a twofold shot.

Doppio

In Italian "doppio" signifies "twofold," it implies you need twofold shots of coffee. It's separated utilizing a twofold espresso channel in the portafilter so you get 60 ml of coffee served in a demitasse cup which is double the measure of a standard coffee shot, 30 ml.

Presently numerous coffeehouses all throughout the planet just offer twofold coffees to beat the quality control issues. Regularly, it's additionally called as "standard twofold," so you don't have to confound if a barista utilizes this term to affirm your coffee drink.

Americano

From the outset, it's idea to call "Caffe Americano," however throughout the long term it has been abbreviated to simply "Americano."

In any event, when you demand the barista in an American manner, you'll in any case be presented with an Italian beverage, arranged by weakening the coffee shot with heated water, that is comparative in strength however extraordinary in flavor to ordinary trickle espresso.

The strength of Americano is subject to the quantity of coffee shots and the measure of water added to coordinate with your taste.

Lungo

Dissimilar to ristretto, it signifies "long" on the grounds that you'll get the coffee drink with considerably more water, which for the most part brings about a long mug of java. This isn't the quality element yet basically the piece of individual inclination.

From my experience, most of the espresso darlings request a "lungo" just to appreciate a less extreme "coffee" in a cup while as yet having the taste and characteristics of coffee.

Caffé Crema

You'll discover Caffé Crema exceptionally unprecedented in the Caffe menus on the off chance that you have a place with the English-talking world, and this is a direct result of the critical contrast of granulate when contrasted with standard coffee. Caffe may rather serve you with Americanos or long blacks.

In Italy, throughout the mid year, the majority of the customary cafés present with this coffee variation, Caffé Crema.

You'll presumably discover less English-language guides on the most proficient method to mix Caffé Crema. Its preparing strategy includes extricating the coarsen grounds (go against to totally fine justification) for a similar time as we accomplish for coffee shot, however it brings about a more prominent volume mug of java.

Barista can give some different varieties of this beverage on demand, by temping less or removing for somewhat more than expected.

Bistro Zorro

Practically like Americano however it actually total opposites. The significant distinction is that Café Zorro contains twofold shot and boiling water in the equivalent proportions that give you a more focused and less weakened twofold coffee.

Notwithstanding, in Americano, heated water is added to make the beverage weakened and taste-like dribble espresso surface.

Bistro Cubano

As the name demonstrates, this beverage is started from Cuba and alluding this kind of espresso, implies, you're requesting for a coffee shot that is improved (customarily with the regular earthy colored sugar which has been whipped first with the drops of the most grounded shot of coffee).

This beverage is a piece of noticeable social and social action in Cuba and especially in Miami, Tempa and Florida Keys (Cuban-American people group).

Generally, it's made utilizing an electric coffee machine or regularly in Moka pot with hazier dishes.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Friends can break your heart too pt. 2

Warnings: angst, swearing (enjoy!)

Word count: ~ 3.6k+

Part 1

Where was my fault in all this? All I did is love him with all my heart, but it went to waste. A part of me expected him to run after me the very instant I turned the first corner, slowing down my steps to give him a chance to catch up if he needed it.

Once I realized he wasn't coming, I felt swelling rage push tears even faster to fill my eyes. My vision blurred and chest heaved with the undeniable pressure building up so quickly I'm terrified it would burst. It's funny how people call it a broken heart, but I hurt all over. My brain is in shambles and my body aches like I've been hit by a train and the darkness growing inside is becoming too much to bear.

I remember calling an Uber, praying I'll keep my breakdown in, just a while longer...just until I'm behind closed doors and people with phones and annoying habits of filming everything they see can't get to me.

The last thing I need right now is someone posting a video of me that would go viral. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. I don't want him to see me cry.

Finally alone and inside my home, I find myself unable to shed a tear making it much worse. If you can't release the pain inside, the pain destroys you. It's one of my worst qualities, having few rare moments of release and bottling up everything else until I explode and take everything out in my vicinity.

Deciding not to dwell on it, I grab a bucket of ice cream from the fridge, DAIRY one and sit on my couch in silence and darkness, just getting that lactose in and smiling like a maniac. I've been sick and tired of their newfound dairy free diet and doing it as well to serve as a support system. I guess somewhere deep inside my tired, still firing neurons, eating a tub of dairy and sugar seems like vengeance of sorts.

This is how far I've fallen.

My phone keeps ringing, messages from James and Ethan coming through as I try my best to ignore them and stuff my face.

„Why are you not with them?! I'm losing my fucking shit here! Who is that girl frolicking with Gray and why aren't you answering?!“ James is freaking out, probably watching the awards on TV, worrying, and I'm not sure if it's justified or not.

I'm okay, aren't I? No one deals with these things normally, right?

„Y/N, I'm so sorry. I wish you stayed with me because I'm so bored. Call me back and let me know if you're okay? A text at least?“ Ethan called too and I know I bailed on him. I know he's basically the third wheel since Marina didn't come with him and Grayson's probably wrapped around that woman the entire time.

My dress is constricting my airways, shoes already kicked off my feet and I'm sure my make up is still spotless. I look like I walked out of a Disney movie and Grayson barely noticed me at all. I know I'm not usually the most good looking person out there. I'm aware that most people tend to completely overlook me, not notice I'm even around. I'm the girl no one sees, I don't light up the room when I walk in and people don't stand up to talk to me or go out of their way to make me feel wanted.

No one ever did that for me, but Ethan and Grayson did.

Maybe that's why I fell for him so hard? I craved the attention he gave me? I needed to feel wanted and like I mattered? Because he made me feel like that.

He did.

I never felt invisible around either of them.

I mattered.

Until I didn't.

„Step away from the ice cream!“ Ethan shouts and I snap my head up and to the right where I heard his voice come from, my heart pounding frantically and my mouth opening to let out a small shriek in fear.

„Why are you in my house?!“ I shout back, sitting properly and looking to my phone for the time.

„The awards are over.“ Ethan says in a 'duh' tone and I furrow my brows, rubbing my right temple when I see my ice cream all but melted. I must have dozed off in the inferno of my 'Reasons why I'm not good enough' special held in Grayson's honor.

„Oh.“ I mutter, hearing his footsteps approaching fast. He takes the ice cream from my hands, leaving it on the table in front of me while I stare blankly at my manicured nails and a golden butterfly ring on my right middle finger Ethan bought for my last birthday.

„Wanna talk about it, Princess?“ Ethan asks softly, siting beside me, his right arm pressed against my left one. It's a small couch and my dress is taking up the most of it.

„'Bout what?“ I look to him and swallow thickly, hoping my facade holds up.

„You being in love with my brother and him being undeserving of that.“ Ethan states and I cough violently, choking on my own spit.

„W-what?!“ My voice is high-pitched and my mouth is open like a fish gasping for air. I've believed my feelings were mine alone, hidden from the world and if they weren't...If Ethan knew of all people, did Grayson know?

Does he know?

„Oh, c'mon! It's not like you're being slick with all the starin' you do. I mean, I literally measured the time once I realized you do that and the longest has been ten minutes and twenty three seconds. You look at him like he walks on water!“ Ethan exclaims and I find my mind change speed and the panic overwhelming me like there's ice swimming inside my veins.

„I – uh, you're wrong.“ I try to rectify my past mistakes now, but it's in vain.

Ethan knows.

He knows.

„Am I? You're never speechless unless he's complimenting you. You have a permanent smile around him and I swear you turn into actual sunshine in his proximity. It's like you want to give him all the warmth and love and support this world has to offer. You also gravitate toward him like he's your moon. When he moves, you move. If you can be close to him, you are. Don't even get me started on the way you giggle at his stupid dad jokes or your encouragement of his nutcracker and plant obsession. I know you. You love him and...I'm sorry that you do.“ Ethan ends his rant by putting a hand over mine, making the speed chase inside my head stop and it's as if I'm crashing through the windshield with that gesture. Ethan putting a hand on mine like that meant something else. He's not a touchy feely guy, but he's here and he's holding my hand and it can only mean one thing.

He knows Gray doesn't feel the same way I do.

„So, he – uh, really doesn't love me then. Does he?“ My voice cracks, but I'm still too stubborn to cry. I'm strong, I don't cry for men.

„I can't say anything for sure because we never spoke about you in that way, but he's with Sara now and I don't know why he never mentioned her to you. I was under the impression he did.“ Ethan runs his thumb across my knuckles and I remember how Grayson did that before.

He'd always take my hand in his, no matter where we are and just hold it for hours. He'd run his thumb over each of my knuckles and intertwine our fingers, bringing my hand to his lips to kiss and looking back at him doing that on daily bases doesn't make me feel so insane for thinking he might have loved me too.

„He never said a thing about her. Not even hinted they met. And I really...I really thought he'd be here tonight, you know? Like, he'd come to at least apologize and bring me my favorite milkshake as a peace offering as we once promised to do whenever we fought. But he didn't and I hate that I'm a wreck about it all.“ I feel myself slipping down the emotional swirl-hole again, wondering how long will it take me to claw my way back again.

He didn't even bring the fucking milkshake.

Back when we first had a fight after becoming friends, Grayson bought me my favorite milkshake every day for a week and stood in front of my door until dark, leaving the shake whenever he left. And I'd drink it and leave the cup outside for him to find. I watched him smirk every time he found it empty through the peephole, realizing right then and there I wasn't really angry with him anymore, I just wanted to see that self-satisfied smile on his face whenever he saw I drank the milkshake. So, we made a pact. Whenever we fought in any way, the one who messed up will bring a milkshake the other one favors and you have to accept it and talk.

Guess he didn't find this ordeal milkshake worthy.

„I'm sorry to do this to you, but you have to face this. Grayson is – well, he's basically fucking Sara right now instead of being here and comforting you. He's not into you like that. Not as far as I know and I think he'd tell me, Y/N. I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm just trying to help you move on. Realize he's not all that and find a guy who treats you like a princess you are. Cause you fucking look like one even without wearing that dress.“ Ethan's words surprise me; shock me even. His breath seemed to stutter in his lungs before he let it go, the tension draining from his body. His breathing returned to normal and his lips parted, opening his mouth as if he could face the problem.

„Yeah. I did. I did love you for some time...it's how I know you're in love with Grayson. I watched you while you watched him and once I knew I had no way of winning you over, I did the only thing I could; I moved on. It was hard and messy and I still get in that head-space, but I never acted upon any of it. This is why I'm advising you to the same. Just, let him go.“ Ethan takes a deep breath, patiently awaiting for me to say anything.

I saw something flicker in his eyes that I never wanted to die. It's selfish, but right now, I crave his affection; the same he kept hidden from me for so long. I can't, but I want to. I want to kiss him and let whatever is left of my soul burn in hell. I find myself leaning forward, Ethan's eyes moving from my eyes to my lips and remaining there, just lingering.

„Such a bad idea.“ He says quietly and I can't help but agree with him. It's probably the worst idea I've ever had, but Grayson's fucking some other girl and I'm just trying to get through the night. I'm just trying to piece myself together.

But then I remember why I can't do this.

If Grayson ever did this to me, I'd be a hollow shell of a girl, unable to find someone that can give me the love I know I deserve. I can't ruin Ethan like that. I can't drag him in a mess that he just barely escaped from. He has Marina now and I'll be damned if I ruin it.

„I really want to kiss you right now. I do.“ I lick my lips and continue.

„But Marina...she's good for you and I'm not sure what I feel or what tomorrow will bring. It's not fair to you. I should know, not guess...especially when it’s you. You, one of my favorite people in this whole universe and any alternative ones that exist.“ I place my forehead on his lips, leaning on them for their warmth and keeping him quiet for a moment longer all the while ignoring how his hands on my waist feel inviting.

I'm just looking for a physical comfort, a rebound.

I can't make him one.

I won't.

„This is exactly what I'm saying. You're too good for him. For either of us.“ Ethan whispers against my forehead, pulling me into his chest and holding me.

And I hate myself for thinking about how Grayson never just holds me against him, but crushes me with his bear hugs until I'm fighting for air. He melts into me and always stands up just to make sure he can twirl us before collapsing on the floor, still holding me tightly enough to feel the beat of his heart against his rib cage.

It’s strange, frightening even, how you can go from someone being a complete stranger, to then being completely infatuated by them and wondering how it ever was that you were able to live without them, because you sure as hell couldn’t imagine being without them now. I know I'm still young, and most people would consider me to be foolish and naive, but it’s true when I say that I love him more than I could ever love myself. He’s my best friend and, as cheesy as it sounds, he’s my anchor. My one stability in this world filled with chaos. Grayson's always been my anchor and knowing I have to leave that is a big part of why tears slip down my cheeks as Ethan moves me to my bed, covers my body with a blanket, unaware I'm still awake.

I hear the light switch go off and feel an arm wrap around me, face burying in my hair and breath giving me goosebumps. I hear Ethan's phone go off, muffled voice coming from the speaker, but neither of us move to get it.

Whatever it is, it can wait till the morning.

„Hey, bro! I'm going to grab a milkshake and stay at Y/N's tonight. Sara and I had a fight about...me being too taken with Y/N to perform if you get what I mean. Ugh, why did I just tell you this?! Either way, don't worry about me. I'll be home around noon maybe. You better fucking delete this voicemail or I swear I'll post that photo of your pineapple tattoo! Don't test me, bitchass!“

That was a mistake.

The next thing I know, I'm being awaken to a hushed fight between Ethan and Grayson, still in my dress and a little dazed.

„You didn't tell me!“ „I have nothing to tell!“ „You're unbelievable!“  They keep exchanging words, but I know I'm not up for Grayson's shit right now.

„What is happening?“ I say through gritted teeth, both of them turning to face me.

„Just congratulating you on your relationship. Didn't expect to find out because I found you in bed together. Definitely didn't see it coming.“ Grayson's eyes pierce through me, looking to hurt me more, demanding explanations that didn't exist.

„We just fell asleep, you idiot. Now get out. Both of you. I need some time alone and away from you.“ I gesture vaguely toward them, pointing at Grayson after. „Mainly you, but since you're a package deal. Leave me alone!“

„I'm not leaving.“ Grayson steps forward, shoving a milkshake in my face and I'm forced to fight a smile from showing on my face. I can't just let it go. I can't just ignore our pact.

So, I turn to Ethan.

„E. please?“ He just nods knowingly, understanding exactly what I mean.

I need closure.

I sit on my bed, folding my hands in my lap and not taking the milkshake.

„You really not going to take this? It's banana! Your favorite!“ Grayson exclaims, plopping on the bed, dipping the mattress and leaning me to his side a little.

„Not in the mood. Say what you need to say and go.“ I say firmly, looking ahead and he sighs, moving so he's on his knees and in front of me, in my line of sight.

„I forgot to tell you and yes, I'm an ass for ditching you. You ARE more important, but she was already there and I couldn't leave her either. Thought you'd be okay with staying and being Ethan's date. I just...I have no idea why I forgot to let you know about it all.“ There's a pause in his speech, one he uses to look me over again and I keep my eyes on his, refusing to look away. He won't win. Not now.

„You look like a dream. So unreal and unearthly and I'm sorry it wasn't seen.“

„I spent the past two months working overtime. Every day. I used up all my savings. I...I did so much just to get into this dress and to be there with you and I just...it meant nothing to you when it meant everything to me. You were so careless tonight, Gray. I didn't even recognize you.“ My words pack a powerful punch, I can tell by the way that twinkle in his eye goes out and anguish takes over. Shame takes over his mind and guilt takes over his heart.

„All that so I could tell you I'm so fucking in love with you.“ I finally say those words, just release them into the world like they didn't weigh me down for so long.

His eyes snap back to me, wide and his eyebrows raise. His breathing almost halting in the moment.

„I am as much in love with you today as I ever was, perhaps even more so, but I'm tired...Tired of watching you choose the wrong girl every time while I'm here all the while, just waiting for you to take one look and realize that I'm the one for you. Because I am. But you lost me too. You've lost all we could have been because you destroyed that innocent part of me that yearned for you, all of you. You've ruined me, so deal with the wreckage you left in your wake. You're the perfect example why hurricanes are named after people. You're a hurricane, Grayson and I need to get away from this storm before it swallows me whole.“ I'm aware my words sound forced and pained, fully aware he's trying to get a word in as well but my monologue stops him because there is so much I want to tell him and so little time as I've made my decision.

I need to let him go. Both of them. At least for a while.

„Don't I get a say in it?“ He questions and I chuckle dryly.

„You want a say in this? Okay, fine! Do you love me, Grayson?“ My words are rushed and those stubborn tears of mine are preparing to burst forth like a river from a dam.

„Of course I love you, Y/N.“ He places his hands on mine, quickly interlocking our fingers so I can't pull away and I purse my lips.

„I don't mean do you love me. I mean are you in love with me.“

Silence. He doesn’t even blink, seemingly stunned by my inquiry.

„Or even like me? Because if you do, only then do you have any say in this.“ I hate how weak my voice is, how wobbly and each break in it mirrors a break inside. I feel as if my lungs are slowly filling with water, as if there's just less space in them for the air.

Why was it so hard with him? Why does it always have to be so hard? It shouldn't be like this.

Not if it's right.

I stand, startling him enough to let go of my hands and move quickly to avoid him wrapping his arms around me. He moves after me, reaching out to grab my arm, but I slap his hands away.

„Wait, please!“ Grayson croaks out, something inside him turning but not fast enough. He shouldn't have to think about it. He's supposed to know. Love isn't thinking you want someone to hold, but wanting that all the time.

„For what, huh? How many ways are there for you to break my heart tonight? Just...give me enough respect and leave. Let me keep what pride I have left.“ I'm shaking, not only on the outside, but inside as well.

Before I met Grayson my heart was soft, with him it became strong and vibrant, now it is simply broken.

And he listened. He left. He left even though I wanted him to stay and say the words I needed him to say. That he loves me, that he cares. Anything, everything...just not leave when I need him.

I pack my things and wipe away angry tears I am so tired of already. Writing a note for the boys if they come back, texting James, I finally leave my apartment and head back home in a need of a proper rest.

They say people who are meant to be always find their way back to each other. They say friends don't make you hurt. They say life is full of surprises and now I know they, whoever they are, are very wrong.

People who are meant to be together don't always end up together and friends can break your heart too which is actually the biggest surprise of all. Heart break is a funny thing. We all know it's going to happen, yet we're never prepared for it. We underestimate it's power. Why are we never ready for it? Because we're in denial. We believe it won't happen. We believe if we give him our hearts he will not crush it. Hearts shouldn't be crushed. They should be cherished and protected. I wish he would have cherished and protected my heart.

Tags: @xalayx @heeydolan @accalialionheart @fallinginlove-16  @rosegoldquintis @nefelibata-diamond @blackdesires-blog @me-a-hopeless-romantic @wannabeactress @mckeeee-1 @godlydolans @daddygraysonsbitch @killmonger-dolan @emy-is-cooler-than-you @5sausefandom  @thatoneperson5000 @the-evolution-of-stupidity @mercy-love18-love @graydolan12 @flowercrowns3438 @trumpettay @skurtdolans @nowheredolan @shadowsndaisies @heartbelongstodolans @gvldenskie

[aching-tummies]

Chocolate Indulgence

Ever had one of those moments where you're staring down a food-item you know is going to absolutely wreck your stomach...but you know you'll eat it anyway?

Most of the people I know that have a dairy-sensitivity (e.g. lactose, rectin, etc.) tend to have moments like that frequently. They know eating cheese is going to cause Satan-himself to reach in and clench their stomach in his vice-like grip, but one does not simply say 'no' to pizza. Then there's the ones that ensure they've got dibs on the closest washroom before they shovel ice-cream or a milkshake into their system and that particular washroom becomes a hazmat zone for the next three hours. I've seen the latter used with purpose too when this particular someone I knew was pretty backed-up while travelling. He was out with some friends when he realized it'd been quite a while since he had last went no.2. His friends knew about his dairy-sensitivity and their eyes widened when he ordered something with dairy from the shiftiest-looking vendor in the area (he was also a huge germaphobe, so the fact that he went even 3 ft near that vendor already caused jaws to drop). He chugged it, asked his friends to wait around the area for a solid hour or two, and then proceeded to violate the public washroom. He came back looking like the definition of ‘relief’ just as his friends had started to think he had died ‘cuz they didn’t expect him to be in the washroom that long.

While not as dramatic, I sort of had one of these moments last night. Of course, it wasn't just that one moment that led to that, it was a whole day of events that led up to the moment.

I started the day going out to have breakfast with a family member before heading off to work. A favorite fast-food chain had recently opened a location near our place and near the place I worked so we decided to go there for breakfast/lunch, whatever you want to call it. I've been eating less recently, being busy and anxious about work and some other life-stuff...also with my work being at non-consistent hours my family member ends up eating without me and most of the time I'm too exhausted to bother cooking for myself. I live with some fairly judgemental family members who go off on me if I don't clean up properly when they say so and cooking for myself just becomes more of a hassle than it's worth. E.g. I'll make some instant noodles for myself and before I've even taken the first bite they'll come over and start screeching about how I left a cooking utensil in the sink rather than clean it and leave it out to dry before I sat down to eat. I was already eating straight out of the pot I was cooking the thing in, the utensil was a butter-knife I used to get some XO sauce or whatever out of the jar and into the pot...and the butter knife wasn't necessary or useful for eating the noodles. My plan was to leave it in the sink and wash everything all at once in about 20 minutes when I had finished my food. I didn't want to deal with the screeching after hours of dealing with customers and co-workers screeching at me to do a task while I was in the middle of doing another task someone else had screeched at me to do, so I've opted to roll with being hungry for the last few days. My usual routine was wake up, get ready, make a quick breakfast to get me through my shift, come home and stay out of the way until dinner time with my family--if there was going to be a shared dinner-time, and then go to bed.

Yesterday was basically the same. I had breakfast at a fast-food restaurant with a family member who was kind enough to drop me off at work. After work I decided to come home rather than eat out after work (I wanted to save some money). I went home and was already pretty hungry but dinner wasn't going to be for another four or more hours. I ended up taking a nap, realizing after I woke up that I had managed to get through the day without drinking coffee, and that was probably why I ended up napping. I got downstairs to find that my family member had opted to cook for themselves, meaning I was on my own for dinner. I grabbed something small and self-contained to avoid being yelled at for making a mess and went about my business. Hours later, I was getting ready for bed. I couldn't sleep 'cuz my stomach had been growling at me since I started brushing my teeth. I was fairly awake from the nap I had taken so I decided, "screw it--I'll grab something to eat and watch a movie or something before I go to sleep".

What to eat, right? After days of being hungry after work, I decided I deserved a treat. I was really craving something sweet, but the only thing that satisfied that sweet tooth was some coffee I had in the fridge...which I was definitely not going to indulge in. I wanted to sleep eventually and coffee at 2AM was ridiculous. What else is sweet and goes almost hand-in-hand with coffee? Chocolate. Pancakes would make a mess, mug-cake was an option but I didn't want to measure out everything...also, one of my family members has been pretty snarky about finding flour on the counters. Some of it is from them, but since I'm the one that's always making home-made pasta and other types of noodles it's always my fault if there's a powdery substance on the counters. I didn't want to just outright eat chocolate chips like I usually do 'cuz I had already brushed my teeth and felt bad about eating something that would stick to my teeth and add to decay. In the end, I opted for a mug of hot chocolate. I was craving something sweet, specifically chocolate, and hot chocolate fit the bill. If I rinsed my mouth with some water after drinking it then it’d probably be okay.

My usual method is dumping the packet into a mug, filling it about 2/3 of the way with hot water, stirring until the powder is dissolved, and then topping up the final 1/3 with cold 2% milk. The milk makes it richer as well as cools down the contents enough to drink. I hesitated a little about adding the milk, the boba-incident fresh in my mind. I decided "screw it. I don't have to work tomorrow" and I added the milk to the mug. I decided to indulge further. It's been a crappy week walking on eggshells at home and at work and choosing to be hungry rather than listen to family members rant and yell over a bit of flour...so I found some nutella and added a generous spoonful to the hot chocolate. If you haven't tried this, you should (provided you don't have a nut allergy). I recommend dissolving the nutella in the hot-water/powder mix, prior to adding milk. The heat will allow it to melt that much faster. That mug of hot chocolate was heavenly.

I took the mug upstairs and put on something to watch while I enjoyed my chocolate-y treat. A couple of hours later, I was ready for bed.

As I lay down, waiting to sleep, I felt an odd sensation in my stomach. It wasn't painful. It was just shy of uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling I couldn't place. Was I still hungry? Were my guts unhappy with the little bit of dairy in the hot chocolate? It felt like a mild pressure around my navel-area, but my stomach was definitely empty too. I rubbed my stomach a little, staying awake for a while monitoring the feeling, hoping that it wouldn't be a repeat of the boba incident. I didn't have to work the next day, but I didn't want to go about the whole day feeling like a painfully bloated basketball. I don't know if it was gas from the dairy 'cuz I couldn't burp and I didn't feel any gurgles or gas-bubbles moving around under my palms. It wasn’t entirely like hunger either. It felt like there was something sitting in my guts...not painfully, but just present, and my stomach was undecided about whether this something meant it was allowed to be hungry or not. I guess my stomach was confused. It was so late that it was early, usually an hour where everything is asleep, there was dairy somewhere slightly bloating up my guts, but it was also hungry. I had downed dairy on an empty stomach and it was confused...was it supposed to still be hungry? Was it supposed to go to sleep? Was the dairy going to be a problem? To growl or not to growl? 

Definitely not as dramatic as something my dairy-sensitive friends have gone through, but that's what I thought about while I was soothing my stomach before going to sleep. I added the milk to my hot chocolate, wary that it would upset my stomach. Whatever that feeling was, at least it allowed me to sleep. I was still hungry, seeing as the only solid food I had to eat was over 14 hours ago and it was the 'empty calories' of fast food, but at least I didn't have to contend with the gnawing hunger as I tried to sleep. I didn’t add a whole lot of milk into the hot chocolate, so it wasn’t enough to cause some major indigestion. Not sure if this happens to other people too, but I've found that when I sleep on a hungry stomach I wake up with a corner of my pillow in my mouth and a loud and cramping stomach demanding I fill it before it plays the 'nausea' card. I didn't want to spend my day off feeling hungry, nauseous, and contending with indigestion.

As always, feel free to send asks in talking about tummy stuff. If it hits my kinks or I like it, I'll post the reply. If you don't see it odds are either that tumblr ate it or I'm not really interested in it and I can't contact you to say that if you're on-anon. Sometimes I’ll let the ask sit in my inbox for a while until I figure out how I’ll respond to it. I tend to be hungry fairly often lately, so if you ever wanna just send a stab in the dark hunger-RP-esque ask that’s totally fine. I’m not too big on the idea of teasing with food or overly patronizing banter, but tummy-centric stuff like manual stimulation of my hungry tummy for the growls/sensations or some way to torture my aching guts is usually something I’m down for. Hands on a suffering stomach are a pretty steady craving whenever I fall into kink-feels.  Navel-stuff is rare to see, but definitely welcome too. 

[frogl3gs]

I am about to talk about food and birth control and other health related things. Please skip if that’s not your thing!!

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Last night I went out with my friends and had pizza! It was only okay. Idk. I didn’t want to eat pizza lol. I wanted a salad! But salad options SUCKED there.

I generally only eat veggies, meats, eggs, potatoes, and some rice. Hardly any cheese or dairy at all. The most sugar I consume would be from the almond milk based coffee creamer and/or the occasional almond milk latte. I eat ice cream about once a week but it’s dairy free. I never eat bread! I just don’t feel the need to.

Basically, because I haven’t had work this past week I’ve been indulging more than usual and I’ve felt like shit!! I’m off my routine. Which is fine and I’m not mad at myself but I wish that 1) there were more whole food options when going out and 2) I wish my friends liked going to restaurants with better food choices.

It sucks because I want to hang with them but if I don’t eat the food then they all ask questions like if I’m trying to lose weight etc when in reality, I’ve been eating this way for years now and processed foods just give me headaches, hurt my stomach, make me bloated, and cause cramping. Plus, they make my lifting more of a struggle.

Anyway I wish it weren’t so hard for me to say no when my friends ask me to do something. And that’s a struggle I have, honoring the integrity I have with myself vs honoring friendships. And obviously, I can do both, I just have to be willing to endure the questions.

Also, I’ve been learning a lot more about birth control and I just wish I never went on it. It basically doesn’t allow your brain and ovaries to communicate. It stops your body from producing certain hormones that are essential to your health (progesterone). And now, my body is going through puberty again, relearning how to communicate with itself and reforming all of the pathways in my brain, etc.

I still have cystic acne on my jawline and now it has progressed to my neck and back. I’ve been doing research and this acne in these places usually show that there’s an overproduction of DHT. Testosterone and cortisol use the same pathways for removal from the body. They both convert into DHT. When it’s not removed, it can cause a whole host of things such as acne, head hair loss, darker facial hair, and others. So how do I counteract this? Well first by supplementing zinc which has a whole host of other positive effects especially for women who experience a regular menstrual cycle. And it just makes me think, it wasn’t hard for me to find these resources but...why don’t we get told this shit, ever? Or why do I have to hunt it down? Why is my PCPs first reaction to acne to put me back on the pill? Fuck that. I’m never going back on the pill.

Okay I think this is enough for today lol.