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pigeonwhumps · 1 year ago

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Faint at First Sight

Finally, I can share my entry for the Guys in Distress zine with y'all! You can still get leftover copies of the whole print zine and merchandise while they're available, as well as pdf zines until the end of the year, so please do if you want to, it's very good!

Thanks to @blackberry-bloody for beta-ing and for the title!

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @zineofgid

Kai is kidnapped during his first mission.

CWs: hero whump, hostage, torture, captivity, bound and gagged, blood, burns, electrocution, shock collar, stress position, fear of abandonment, forced to watch, non-con nudity (non-sexual), dehydration, mentioned starvation, forced to stay awake, threatened drugging

"Got it!" hisses Lian, as the slot widens under his control. Kai stretches out a hand and the memory card comes flying out, almost braining him. Lian snatches it out of the air and examines it quickly.

"Definitely what we're after. I think. Now let's get out of here before–"

"Code red," says Morfydd in Kai's ear. "Solar Flare's down, they're heading your way."

Kai's body turns cold. Gemma. No.

Lian tugs at his arm. "Snap out of it, Wolfman, we need to go. Do your wolf thing and run."

Kai clenches his fists and transforms, taking a few tries but getting there in the end, senses sharpening, colours dulling. He lopes along, keeping pace with Lian, who knows the way out.

They turn a corridor and two of Moonstar's minions stand in their way. Kai uses his telekinesis to push one minion into the other, sending them both crumpling to the floor, and he and Lian run back the way they came. An alarm wails and the bulkhead doors slam shut as they re-enter the lab.

"Fuck," mutters Lian, "what do we do now? There has to be a way out."

Kai paces, looking around, and spots it the same time Lian does. An air vent halfway up the wall.

"Wolfman," says Lian slowly, "I'm going to climb on your back and open that. You can climb up when you're back in human form, right?"

Kai gives an affirmative bark and Lian uses a chair to clamber onto his back, ripping the air vent off the wall with all his superstrength. Kai stands as still as possible, moving furniture around the room to create a step for himself. They don't have time to wait while he does it. Moonstar or his minions could be here any minute – Kai can already hear someone cutting through the metal.

The grate falls to the floor with a clatter, and Lian pulls himself up into the vent.

"Come on, Wolfman. Your turn."

Kai transforms back to human, colour vision returning and smell and hearing diminishing as he does so, just as the metal screeches and bursts open.

Kai scrambles up onto the table, a little disoriented from the change, and jumps for Lian's hands.

He crashes to the ground with a thump and lets out a sharp gasp as pain shoots up his back. His tailbone. Fuck. He tries to get to his feet but someone grabs him and hauls him upright, holding his hands behind his back.

"Get the fuck off me!" Kai snarls, trying to wrench himself out of the minion's hands but the grip's like iron. He hears footsteps approaching and struggles harder.

Moonstar enters the room.

Kai gasps involuntarily, struggling not to get to his knees and proclaim his loyalty to the supervillain. Only the nagging wolf voice in his mind holds him back. Moonstar's powers of charisma and persuasion are legendary when he chooses to use them, and Kai suspects they're the only reason Gemma agreed to let him come on this mission.

"Interesting," Moonstar purrs, approaching Kai and tilting his chin up. "You're not immune. I always thought shifters were immune."

That's when Kai realises that he's standing completely still. He jerks his chin back, headbutting the minion, who lets out a yell. Moonstar's charisma switches off abruptly and Kai thinks he might finally have a chance of escape when Moonstar's hand flashes, the glint of light the only sign of the blade that was there and gone in an instant.

And the blood.

Kai watches as a line of blood wells up from a slash on his arm, bright red and glistening.

Oh.

Fuck.

The room darkens and sways and far too soon he's out cold.

When Kai wakes, he's freezing. And it's dark. Not dark like a darkened room, dark as in there's fabric covering his face. He hears rustling, and he tries to move his hands or push himself up off his knees but he can't.

"Ah, the hero awakes." Kai's hood is ripped off and he blinks into the bright light, seeing Moonstar smiling down at him. He realises he's stripped down to his underwear, his hands and lower legs chained to the floor, and he tries to transform into a wolf but as soon as his vision starts to change, a jolt of electricity rocks him back with a cry. Moonstar tsks.

"Trying to avoid my hospitality already? That isn't very polite. And here I was, thinking you heroes had manners."

Kai swallows, feeling leather and plastic around his throat and flinching as– god. That's where the shock came from, wasn't it?

"Fuck you."

"Now, now. I'm trying to tell you something important, this isn't just a friendly chat. You see, that collar of yours is a shock collar, as you may have noticed, and the shock just now? That was the lowest setting. If you try to transform again, I'll set it high enough to kill you. Understood?"

Kai glares at him. Fuck him if he thinks he's getting an answer. But he continues staring, finger inching ever closer to a remote, and eventually Kai spits out, "Yes."

"There. Was that so hard?" He clicks his fingers and two minions step forward, unlocking his limbs from the floor. "Now you know the consequences, we can talk like civilised people. Maybe you'll even answer my questions, though I don't hold out much hope. So, shall we begin? One wrong move and you get shocked. And I haven't given my minions any fun for ages."

One man grins, holding up a… oh, god, is that a hot poker? Kai attempts to brace himself. He's not telling these people anything.

"First question. Where does the Hero League keep their stolen information?"

"I don't know."

One of Moonstar's minions steps forward and presses the poker to Kai's side.

The heat burns, lighting Kai's back up in agony, and he lurches forward, falling to the ground, vision tunnelling. "I'm telling the truth! I don't know! Please, I don't… I don't!"

When he stops screaming and pleading, panting on the floor, Moonstar raises an eyebrow. "I find that hard to believe. So we'll try it again. Where does your organisation keep its stolen information?"

Kai's not sure how long it is before Moonstar gives up on getting information that Kai doesn't know out of him and hands him over to his minions to have fun with, but it only gets worse from there. They burn his back with hot pokers and electrocute him, sometimes both at once if they're feeling sadistic enough, and when he's not actively being tortured he's left on his knees with a hood blocking out all light, white noise blasting over the speakers at random. If he even twitches a finger, whoever's on duty will shock him. He hasn't slept, eaten or drank anything since he arrived, and they've threatened him with worse.

It's worst of all when Moonstar comes to watch, taunting him. He can't block it out. He tries to hold out hope that his teammates are coming for him, but with every session that passes it's harder. They've probably abandoned him, it's not like he's very useful. He got himself captured.

On some occasions, the occasions that Kai hates most of all because they make him so disoriented and vulnerable, Moonstar directs his minions to cut Kai, forcing him to faint over and over again, until he can barely think.

And he can't do anything to stop it. They're already getting exactly what they want.

Kai wakes for the fiftieth time that session, or so it feels like, his head heavy and his body hurting. Everything hurts these days.

He lifts his head determinedly and glares at Moonstar.

The supervillain only chuckles, a smirk on his face. "It's like putting a budgie to sleep, only much more amusing." He sighs and stands, brushing himself off. "As fun as this is, though, I have something to organise. After all, if you won't give me anything, I'll have to find someone who will. Put him back to sleep in his corner when you're done."

The next day, two of Moonstar's minions pull Kai roughly to his feet, chaining his hands high above his head, forcing him to balance on his toes. Then they remove the hood and force a ball gag into his mouth, buckling it overly tight behind his head. He breathes through his nose, trying not to gag.

The minions stand back as the door swings open and Moonstar saunters in. He smiles upon seeing Kai.

"Oh yes, you'll do nicely. Just the perfect combination of injured and trapped. Got to send a photo to your team, after all. They should know about your… predicament."

Kai can't speak but he twists his hand carefully in his cuffs, sticking one finger up. It gets him a punch to the face, but he doesn't really care. Inside he's panicking. He doesn't want his friends to see him like this.

"That wasn't very nice, now, was it?" says Moonstar mildly, pulling out a phone and holding it up. "Smile for the camera now."

Kai glares at the supervillain and hears a camera shutter. Moonstar types something on his phone.

"I wonder how your friends will react to that. What do you think?"

"I think," Kai pants, "that you can go fuck yourself."

Moonstar sighs deeply and Kai's nerves light up. When he comes back to himself, dangling from the restraints, he hears a jaunty ringtone.

"Oh. Excuse me." Moonstar walks out of the room, his men following behind, and when the door slams shut Kai realises he doesn't know how long he's going to be left like this.

Well. That's okay. He can cope. He can.

In. Out. In. Out. He breathes shakily and tries to concentrate on putting his feet back under himself.

He's not sure how long it is before Moonstar returns, undoing the gag. It feels like a long time but it might not be.

"Hello again. How are you feeling?"

"Fuck you."

Moonstar tsks. "Manners, manners. Dear me, what is the world coming to? But that's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here?"

"I just spoke to your pathetic excuse for a team. They're not coming for you. Told me so themselves. You're not useful enough to bother with rescuing."

No. No, that can't be true. They wouldn't leave him here. Would they?

Moonstar roars with laughter, making Kai realise he spoke aloud. "Oh, this is just too good. You're so hopelessly gullible. Of course they're coming. You heroes, you always come. Negotiations are in a few days." Oh. Kai's face heats up with embarrassment and anger. "Now. Obviously you're going to be at the talks, to remind your people what they stand to lose. So the only question remaining is whether you'll behave or if I need to restrain you."

"I won't behave," Kai spits out, "I'm not going to obey you in front of everyone. Fuck you." He won't let his team see him obeying Moonstar.

The supervillain grins. "That's just the answer I was hoping for."

Kai shivers as he waits in the centre of the warehouse. The leather and metal restraints holding him in a kneeling position rub against his bare skin, knees pressed to the cold cement. He can barely feel them anymore. His jaw aches from the ball gag and his back's agony from where Moonstar's steel-toed boots press lightly into the burns there. He swallows against the thick band of leather, feeling the prongs dig in as a subtle warning. If he doesn't stay perfectly still, Moonstar won't hesitate to punish him in front of his team.

He never wants them to see him like that.

Moonstar had him restrained like this first thing, claiming that it would 'prepare him for the long meeting'. Kai's sure it's just to make him look worse for his team though.

Not that that's really necessary. After days of torture, he must look like shit anyway.

Kai's not afraid to admit that he's absolutely terrified. What if his team doesn't want him back? What if they decide he's not worth rescuing, not worth the price? He's not really and he knows it. No-one else on the team would've been captured so easily.

What if his team decides to abandon him here?

He takes as deep a breath as he can. They're– they're coming to negotiate, right? So they can't be planning on abandoning him.

But they still could.

Moonstar drags his legs off Kai's back, scraping the injuries as he does so, and Kai sees his boots appear in front of him before Moonstar yanks his head up by the hair. Kai's eyes water as he glares up at the supervillain. Moonstar only smiles.

"Ah, I see you're doing well. No point in pretending to be defiant, you know, I can see the terror in your eyes. The tears you're trying so hard to hide. Don't worry. If your team doesn't buy you, I'm sure we can find some… other use for you."

There's a crackle of static from Moonstar's communicator.

"The heroes are here, boss."

Moonstar drops Kai and takes a seat back in his plush leather chair, feet landing hard on Kai's back. "Well, what are you waiting for? Send them in."

Kai breathes through his nose, trying to calm himself. It's okay. He can do this.

His team walks in the door, escorted by two minions. They're unrestrained, but Kai isn't fooled. They can't attack with him here.

Unless that's their plan. Use this meeting as a trap to destroy Moonstar.

Gemma would never order the use of deadly force, but the Hero League higher-ups might.

Maybe they're going to destroy Moonstar and Kai with him. Because Kai isn't important to them, not really. He's not as useful as the others.

Gemma's eyes latch onto Kai and she takes a step forward, halting when Lian places a hand on her arm.

"Good choice, Solar Flare. See that collar around Wolfman's neck? I've been using it to control him, but if you make a single move to attack me I'll crank the voltage right up and let it run until your friend's dead. Are we clear?"

"Perfectly," grinds out Gemma. Lian and Morfydd both nod, Lian avoiding looking at Kai.

"Now, before we start, are you sure you want to negotiate? I'm quite happy to keep Wolfman here. He'd make for a nice little pet hero." Moonstar ruffles Kai's hair, and he trembles, fighting back a flinch.

"You bastard!" yells Morfydd, tears in their eyes, and Kai blinks. Morfydd very rarely yells, it hurts their ultra-sensitive hearing, even with their ear defenders. "Cer i grafu ti coc oen!"

"Now now. Don't get like that. You don't want Wolfman to get hurt."

"What the hell do you want, Moonstar?" asks Gemma angrily. "What do you want in exchange for Wolfman back?"

Moonstar smirks. "Well, that's the question isn't it. Or rather, what are you willing to give me for him?"

Kai lowers his eyes. Look properly pathetic for me, Wolfman, and I might sell you back for a reasonable price. He has to look truly pathetic if he wants a chance at going home, even if it eats at his pride to do so.

It's not a hard look to achieve. He looks at Gemma, stripping away the layer of pretence that's his only protection. She looks terrified for him, although she's hiding it well, and her hand twitches. "Name your price first."

"The drive you stole from me last week, for starters. And shall we say… £100,000? Nice round figure."

"£80,000," retorts Gemma.

"£100,000 or I keep your little hero as a pet."

"Fine. Deal. Now give us Wolfman."

"My drive and money first."

Morfydd digs into their pocket and throws the small hard drive at Moonstar's head. He plucks it out of the air before it reaches him.

"Now, now. No need for violence. And the money?"

"Silverclaw needs to transfer it across. Give her a few minutes and your details."

Gemma tosses a burner phone across the floor and Kai stares. Aisling? Their medic? She's involved in this too?

"And… done. Message sent. Ooh, got a thumbs up. That's all you need this phone for, right?" And without waiting for an answer he crushes it under his boot.

"Can we have Wolfman back now? We've met your demands."

"I suppose you have. Shame, I was looking forward to keeping him. Solar Flare, middle of the room, no further."

Gemma limps forward to the midpoint between her and Moonstar, rocking back and forth on her heels, clenching her fists compulsively, staring at Kai as if she can will him closer.

Moonstar wrenches Kai's head up by the hair and murmurs in his ear, "Crawl over to your leader. Go on, show her how pathetic you really are." As he unlocks Kai's restraints from the floor he lets the shock collar remote peek out of his pocket, and Kai swallows.

He starts to crawl across the rough, cold floor, scraping his knees as he goes. There's cries of indignation but he keeps his head down, not wanting to see their faces, not wanting them to see his humiliated tears.

He doesn't notice how far he's gotten until Gemma's hands are on him, scooping him up. She's so warm, it feels like he hasn't been warm in forever.

"I've got you, Kai. I've got you. Once the money's finished transferring we'll get you out of here. Stay with me, yeah? You'll be out of here soon."

Kai lets out a muffled whine and presses against her, trying not to see anything else. She runs her hand through his hair.

Several minutes pass, he thinks, before Gemma speaks again, louder this time.

"You have it? Can we leave?"

"Sure. Go. I have what I want, after all. Take Kai Bergström with you."

Gemma stiffens against Kai momentarily and Kai looks up, seeing Moonstar's malevolent grin. He can't muster up much more fear. The four of them follow a minions outside to a League car. Morfydd and Lian climb in the front, and Gemma's starting to help Kai in the back when the man stops her.

"A parting gift from Moonstar." And he slashes across the back of Kai's hand.

Almost immediately, the world goes dark.

When Kai wakes he doesn't open his eyes immediately. He doesn't want the dream of being rescued to end. The gentle hands in his hair will disappear if he opens his eyes.

"–his identity?" asks a soft voice, tight with anger. Morfydd.

"We'll figure out how to deal with that once we're back at HQ. Lian, drive us around the back, and Morfydd, pass me that blanket. I don't want people seeing Kai like this."

Kai groans as they turn a corner, and the car quiets.

"Kai? You're awake? Can you open your eyes?"

He doesn't want to, but for Gemma he will, and he peels his eyes open.

Gemma's looking down at him holding a big pink blanket, eyes soft and tight with worry, and he's still in the car. Either the dream hasn't ended, he's having a dream within a dream, or…

He works his jaw. No gag. No shock collar either.

"Not a dream?" he rasps hopefully.

"No. No, not a dream. We can't get the rest of the restraints off in a moving car I'm afraid, you'll have to wait for medbay. How are you feeling?"

"Hurts."

"Okay. We're almost there. Let me wrap you in this blanket."

"Please," whispers Kai. Please, wrap him in something soft and warm, he needs that.

Gemma's as good as her word, wrapping him up snugly. The car pulls to a halt and he's lifted out, unable to see much over the end of the blanket. He closes his eyes, not caring much anymore.

"You made a Kai burrito," comments Lian.

"Yep. Come on."

The ride is bumpy, and Kai only opens his eyes when he's set down on something. The murmur of voices didn't register before but it should have, Aisling's right there above him along with a man he doesn't recognise. She says something he can't properly make out.

"Hmm?"

"Hey Kai. Good to see you again. This is Aaron, he/they, my newest trainee. Is it okay if he helps?"

Kai nods. This Aaron's a professional medic anyway, maybe it won't be too bad.

"Great. I'm going to take off the blanket now, and… oh, god. Aaron, pass me the scissors, I'm not taking the time to bother with the fastenings."

"How bad is he?" asks Lian impatiently.

"We won't know until we've examined him. Stay, talk to him. Keep his mind off things. Kai, do you have any broken bones?" Kai shakes his head. "Okay. Can you take off your underwear? I'll cover you with a blanket afterwards, and we'll get you clean clothes." Kai obeys and pulls the blanket up quickly, covering himself.

"I'm sorry," says Lian, looking him directly in the face for the first time today.

"F'r what?"

"Leaving you behind. I shouldn't have run when Moonstar caught you."

Kai sips at the cup of water Aaron's holding out for him. He has to fight not to gulp it down, the cool liquid heaven on his parched throat. "No. You should. I'm glad you're safe. That why you couldn't look at me?"

"No. I didn't look because I didn't think you'd want me to."

"Oh. Thanks."

Aisling's communicator beeps and she curses, looking down at it. "The higher-ups want to see us immediately. Morfydd, Lian and me."

"It has to be about the unauthorised negotiations," says Morfydd. "If they say we should've just left Kai there…"

"Nah, they'll want to know if Gemma coerced us, as team leader," argues Lian. "As if we can't make our own decisions."

"You know that's not what it's about," says Gemma mildly, as if she hasn't had shouting matches with their managers about autonomy more than anyone else here. "Go. I'll stay with Kai."

"Aaron, can you take over from me?"

"If you think I'm capable."

"Right. We'll be back as soon as we can, Kai."

Kai nods and watches them leave, feeling guilty. In addition to everything else, he's gotten them in trouble.

"Okay Kai, your front doesn't look too bad. Though, when was the last time you drank anything?"

"Aside from that cup of water… before Moonstar."

"Right. Since you're that dehydrated I'd like to put a drip in. Can you turn over so I can check your back first?" Kai does so, heaving a sigh as he takes his weight off the burns, and Gemma sucks in a breath. "Ouch. Let's clean your back and then I can heal some of it. You should take some painkillers."

Kai shakes his head, stomach turning. I could get the guards to give you something that'll make you scream properly. "I don't want any. They make me fuzzy, I'm already fuzzy, don't want to be more fuzzy."

"Easy. You don't have to have them, it's your choice, yeah? I'd advise them, but it's up to you."

"No, I– I can't."

"Okay. Take Gemma's hand and bite down on this. At least nothing looks infected."

Kai does as they say, gripping his mentor's hand tightly and biting down on the silicon… thing.

It hurts. Oh, god, it hurts as Aaron cleans his burns, his vision swims and he wants to be sick.

The waves of pain fade eventually to a dull ache, and his jaw is stiff around the silicon. He lets it go, just about.

"Are you okay?" asks Aaron. Kai nods. "Right. I'm going to heal as much as I can, although since you're so starved there won't be much energy to use, so most of your treatment will be done manually. That okay?" He nods again. Huh. Aaron has healing powers. Kai feels warm hands on his back. "Hold still."

A tingly feeling spreads across his injuries. It's not bad, exactly, just weird. He's never been healed before. It feels a bit like pins and needles. Hurts like it too, after a while.

Slowly that fades, though, and although the pain's still there it's not quite so bad anymore.

"That's it for the painful parts. Your burns don't need debriding now, that's good, I'll just bandage them and insert your IV. Later, when your body's settled from the healing, you can have some food. How's that sound?"

"Good. Thank you."

"Not a problem. I'm glad we got you back." He starts preparing an IV and there's silence for a few minutes.

"Where did you get the money?" Kai asks suddenly. £100,000… that's a lot. It certainly wasn't authorised from League funds.

"Your team's savings," replies Aaron. "I gave some too when they ran out."

Kai stares at his mentor for a moment, unable to comprehend it. "But… Gemma… you and Aisling were saving for your retirement. And you don't even know me, Aaron. I'm not worth all that."

"Neither of us are retiring yet. Besides, you are worth every penny and more, Kai. You're a valuable member of the team, but more importantly, you're our friend. You're family. My retirement is certainly not worth more than your life, don't ever think that."

Kai tries to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, eyes filling with tears. "You– I–"

Gemma moves to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Kai's head into her lap. She runs her hand through his hair, scratching his itching scalp.

And Kai can't hold it in anymore. He crumbles, sobbing into Gemma's lap. Loud, messy, gulping sobs that he can't quite stop.

"I was so scared," he says through tears, when he can speak, "so scared. I was terrified that you'd leave me there, that I wasn't worth rescuing. And Moonstar, he– he terrified me. He tortured me and he made me beg and I couldn't stop it. I didn't mean to, it just hurt so much. I'm sorry I got captured. I'm a– a rubbish hero."

"Hey," scolds Gemma, gently but firmly, "you're not rubbish. Heroes aren't infallible. Most of us have been captured at least once. And I'm sorry for making you think you weren't worth everything to us. The only reason we didn't come for you sooner was because my leg had to heal first, but I never should've made you think you'd been abandoned."

"It's not your fault," Kai sniffles. "I've felt like that my whole life, I know it's irrational. I've never been abandoned."

"I'm your mentor. Maybe your fear wasn't caused by me, but I should've reassured you. I should've known how scared you were and helped you. I'm sorry."

"It's not like I told you anything."

Gemma raises an eyebrow. "Just like you didn't tell me you still pass out at the sight of your own blood? You told me the exact opposite, actually."

Kai, who'd just been starting to feel a little better, wilts, hiding from Gemma's stern look. "I just– I wanted to go on an actual mission," he mumbles. "and I know you only took me because I'm not really affected by Moonstar's powers but you'd have left me behind if you thought I'd be so use– detrimental."

"No, Kai. I'd have made sure you had one of the new cut-proof full-body suits. And I still am going to get you one made. They'll ground us at least for the unauthorised ransom negotiations, we have plenty of time."

"Thank you."

"And we didn't just bring you for your powers. I wish you'd think better of yourself. You're brave, clever, resourceful. Besides, everyone has to have their first mission at some point." Kai snuggles up against Gemma. "Hey, are you okay? Well, you're not, obviously, but you're not usually this physically affectionate."

"I'm still scared," whispers Kai. He doesn't want to admit it but they agreed a long time ago that they'd only tell the truth in the medbay. "I keep thinking I'm still captured. If I close my eyes and I'm not touching anyone, it's like I'm still there. I mean, I know I'm not, but I'm still so cold and my body can't believe it. How do I do it?"

"You wait. Get some sleep, so you can think properly. Don't be too hard on yourself, you were tortured for a week, it's bound to stick for a while. And I'll stay. Prove to you that I'd never abandon you. I really am very sorry I ever let you think we would."

"It won't help to drown yourself in regret," murmurs Kai, finding Gemma's warm, calloused hand. He only spent a week there? She squeezes his hand tightly.

"Stealing my own words now, huh? Go on, go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake."

"I can't. I've seen you have nightmares, I don't want to remember what happened. I never wanted you to see me like that and I– what if I experience it again?"

"Then I'll wake you. You need rest. You could let Aaron give you a sedative?"

Kai shakes his head. "I won't be able to wake myself then." And he really doesn't want anything injected into him. It's like putting a budgie to sleep, only much more amusing. A needle might draw blood, and that would only make him weaker.

"Okay. Okay. Stay awake as long as you need to. Whoever comes over here next can fetch you some extra blankets, and let me give you a hug in the meantime?"

Kai nods and lets himself fall into Gemma's arms. She's warm, so warm compared to him, and he knows he'll fall asleep eventually but he really doesn't want to.

At least he's home, though. That's the important thing. He's home. He just needs to remember that and he'll– he'll be okay.