#Moon questioned me again

[optionalblue]

[m-for-now]

As someone who is genderfae (microlabel under genderfluid), I have a lot of different experiences with gender.

I just wish someone told me sooner that it won't go like "today I'm a girl" "today I'm an enby" but more like ,,, "today I am a swamp witch" "today I am a feminine victorian vampire boy" "today I am a forest goblin collecting people's stares about my gender expression like shiny rocks on the ground" "today I'm an androgynous pirate lady"

Like,,, sure, are those real genders? I don't fucking now. If a cisgender person asked me what I identify as that day, would I answer like that? No, definitely not.

But to my genderqueer, trans and genderfluid friends; do you get me? I can't be alone with this, right?

[smalltimidbean]

I am apparently having one of those weeks when I am drawing something, but it turns into something else dfgdf

Any way, Werewolf Peppino, bc I was thinking about him and the other beastpinos earlier - might draw them later hehe

[binah-beloved]

hey look. Binah would listen to you ramble about your passions and interest to your heart's content. she would sit with a cup of tea in her hand and let you talk about anything you wanted. she might not understand everything, but she can see the way your eyes light up when she extends such a simple act of kindness to you. of course, if your tea goes cold, she'll simply pour you a new one, so don't worry, okay?

[touchlikethesun]

trying and failing to think of how to say this in a way that won't make wei wuxian fans mad at me, but while it can be true that you don't owe anything to others and you shouldn't be forced to stay in toxic situations, i feel there is a difference between protecting your peace and just refusing to engage with difficult situations because you don't want to. wei wuxian doesn't like people having expectations of him, because he doesn't want to feel obligated to meet those expectations. wei wuxian doesn't like having to manage other people's emotions or show his own, and he would much prefer everyone to repress and pretend like everything's fine until the problem is either forgotten or it blows up in his face. i admit i may be speaking from personal experience, but when wei wuxian says "it's water under the bridge, i've forgotten and so should you," what i hear is a refusal to engage and a dismissal of the other person's feelings. it's not the "mature" answer to me, it's the answer of someone who still doesn't want to take accountability for what they did and wants the obligation they have to just disappear.

which is why he goes with lan wangji and not jiang cheng because lan wangji does not ask wei wuxian for anything and literally does whatever wei wuxian wants. and like good for them, good that they're happy, but ultimately, cutting off anyone that pushes back and asks you to explain yourself... if you knew someone irl that did that, you probably would not think it was a great quality

i'm not saying it makes him a bad person, it makes him a person. but just because the protagonist thinks and acts a certain way does not mean they're automatically in the right, by virtue of being the protagonist.

[rallazart]

Ah fine I'll post somethin. Experimenting with designs and shit is all I'm doin. Nothin new.

(Not posting the colored in versions yet. These are only concept sketches. Keep that in mind)...

The digital "version" of ^this^ is just some lazy color blocking I did. (Pay no mind to the weird light effects); But it does add a little clarity to the original sketch that might be helpful. Note: the values will change to some degree later.

Full body type idea ^here^. The tail is fan shaped from proper perspective.

The basic blocks of his design include an array of different animal features i.e. plucked feathers and skin, goat horns and eyes, coyote skull and body, and lizard scales. Idk if anyone was curious though;

if anyone asks for more detail in the design inspirations and lore I might share it. I just don't really feel the need to post every part of my process yk (especially if I'm not 100% happy with it)

[bloo-the-dragon]

Why did Solar have to die permanently while Eclipse gets to keep coming back over and over like freaking Megatron!?

anon you stirred an ancient ghost inside me with mention of megatron lmao /silly

but anyways - i think it became a running theme that Eclipse was gonna keep coming back like peepaw. But this time however there has been a big shift in his character, so the coming back from death thing has ultimately had a greater effect this time around than the last.

For starters, it's already been confirmed he is not really Eclipse. At least not the prior incarnations. He's a mimicry a different entity who carries only the fractured memories and directives of the ones who came before. The only thing that even really connects him to the Eclipse character beyond that is the fact his code was made from Solar's (who is also an Eclipse)

He is very much like Eclipse in personality for sure, unhinged and a complete asshole. But his unique circumstance, being brought so low that he truly is an inferior Eclipse, a false copy, and the fact he knows this has greatly altered his view on himself and his goals. He can say how he's superior to everyone all he wants but 1. no one cares anymore and 2. he knows it's a lie anyways.

But with Earth showing him genuine kindness and patience lately combined with the aforementiond, this has finally allowed him to actually open up a bit and maybe just maybe allow that sliver of a chance for redemption/to find a new purpose in life, even if that is away from the plex. I don't expect him to suddenly turn into a nice eclipse like Solar, in fact i would very much prefer for him to continue being a little asshole rat bastard /aff - but i do want him to be free of his past and find a new purpose, a new reason to live that isn't just antagonising others and hungering for power.

But i'm getting off track here-

We don't actually know if Solar will be dead permanently. It's been said already there is a way to bring him back but it would require sacrificing someone else, and not only that but their entire existence. My moneys on it being the creator ngl because as it stands he is pretty much unkillable. Using him as that sacrifice would be effective in removing him entirely but the only problem would be actually being able to go through with the plan because the brain's a tricky guy to pin down (plus i don't doubt Earth would be conflicted about it)

[topnotchquark]

Uhhhh you guys want some Bezz x Cele fluff? Because I wrote 1800+ words of Bezz x Cele fluff. Yes it's Boarding School au man wtf we live in a society of course I wrote the Boarding school au.

----------------------------------------------------

Bezz pokes at the scab just above his knee. It's freshly formed, he had absorbed impact from Pecco running into him on the field during practice yesterday. His kneepads had mostly protected him but caused the skin to rub off at that particular spot.

Bezz had always had the habit of picking at his wounds, more out of boredom than anything else. When Cele was around, he would simply ask him to stop torturing his own body like a little moth in the hands of a rambunctious toddler, but Cele had been away for three days from school for a family thing. The wedding of some distant cousin combined with some medical check that Cele needed in the city. His dad had come to pick him up and Bezz had walked with him to drop him off and to say hello to Cele's dad.

3 days shouldn't feel like a lot and Bezz had a thousand different things to do, what with the upcoming national level games season and schoolwork dictating his every minute, but he still thought about Cele. He missed sitting next to him for all meals, he missed Cele coming upstairs to see him after lights out, he missed how he would agree without much resistance when Bezz wanted to sneak out at night, he missed Cele foraging for fruits in the woods and bringing them back for everyone to eat, he missed running into him in the corridors during classes, and of course he missed him on the field because Jaume was too young to be a good practice session replacement for the team. 

Bezz is about to wreck carnage absent mindedly on his wound when Luca comes out of the phone room and pats Bezz on the shoulder.

The boys get to call home twice a week from a room divided into little booths, the attendant in the room sat there to note your name down and tell you to put the phone down when your time was up.

Bezz makes his way to the booth in the far left corner that Luca just left, he nods to Pecco in the other corner who is on call and dials his dad's number that he knows by heart. They talk about his preparation for the upcoming season and his dad tells him about things in the garage, next he calls his mum and she asks him about school and classes and practice and his little sister screams a quick hello to him and when he keeps the phone down with quick exchanges of "work hard" and "miss you" and "I love you" his heart feels a bit wonky. It's been years away from home but he still hasn't fully learnt how to squash that feeling.

Before keeping the phone down he makes a split second decision and calls Cele's mom, another number he knows by heart for some reason.

"Oi Bezzechi, you've been hogging that phone forever, put it down!!" The attendant shouts at him, his brows furrowed.

"Yes sorry please please please just one moment" Bezz quickly pleads as he waits for the line to connect. The attendant tells him to make it quick as Cele's mom answers. She sweetly asks Bezz how he's been doing as she calls Cele over to hand him the phone.

"Marco, is everything okay?" Cele's newly matured voice implores. 

"Uhh yes why wouldn't it be?"

"You're calling from school."

"Ah. Yes yes. Just wanted to tell you to, uhhh, yeah come back soon cele practice isn't great"

"Is Jaume not good"

"No no he's fine. Just. You know......"

"Hmmm. I get it. Listen Bezz, I need you to help me okay I have some stuff with me when I get back okay"

"Yeah sure. Listen I gotta go okay this man will cancel all my calls for the next month okay. I miss you, bye."

"I, uhh, I miss you too Marco, bye"

Bezz doesn't spend too much time thinking about Cele's request. He's probably sneaking some food into the dormitory which isn't allowed and the weird luggage checking procedure makes it so that you just have to be extra careful with the contraband.

The next day when Bezz comes down to dinner after practice and evening study he finds Cele already in the dining hall. He hurries over to him and immediately wraps him into a hug, slapping his back and ruffling his curls.

"I thought you wouldn't be here till tomorrow! Who dropped you off?"

"My cousin, he was on his way back to University so I came back early. Listen, Marco......"

Whatever it is that Cele wanted to tell Bezz is cut off by Pecco, Luca, and Franco gathering around him and asking him how was home and he better be up to speed for the morning practice tomorrow and what did the doctor say and if he found any cute girls at the wedding.

All throughout dinner Bezz notices Cele fidgeting nervously, pushing his food around as Luca talks about the rival regional teams they will be facing and the specific characteristics of every player he can recall.

Post dinner, the boys walk back to their house building in a group, Cele quickly dipping into the dormitory on the first floor as the rest make their way up to the rooms.

Before Bezz can go back downstairs to ask Cele what's up, Pecco reminds him to finish his trig homework lest he be skinned alive by the teacher and Bezz enlists the help of both Luca and Pecco to get through the exercises.

It's an hour past lights out when Bezz is finally done and before he has a moment to lie down Cele comes into the room. His eyes look a bit crazy and the pockets of his jacket are puffed up weirdly but before Bezz can ask any questions Cele starts yanking at his arm to get up.

"hurry up Marco!!!" Cele hisses, straining to keep his voice low

"Okay okay damn let me put on my shoes"

"Take the torch please" cele whines.

Bezz raises his brows but doesn't protest much. Torches are reserved for the big expedition sneak outs, the ones you have to plan for, the ones away from their usual haunts, torches are a liability, they draw the attention of the school guards. Bezz still takes his and hides it in his pocket.

They silently get out through the windows on the ground floor, holding their breath and watching their step so as not to alert the guards. Bezz has been sneaking out since pretty much his first year in school, so much so that he can navigate most paths in pitch black darkness. When Cele and Bezz became friends he started bringing him along, gently teaching him to be mindful of his arms and head and stepping around in a way that makes less noise. Cele wasn't the most graceful when it came to slinking around, but Bezz was okay with that as long as they were together.

The moon was shining above their heads, almost fluorescent in its brightness.  Bezz glances over at Cele's determined face, his lashes casting spider leg shadows on his cheeks. Cele's pale skin and dark hair seem almost ghostly and Bezz's heart feels so funny. He swallows to keep his wits intact and focus on the path.

"Wait Cele are we walking towards the lake?" Bezz realises that he's been straining a bit to keep up with Cele.

"Mhmmm"

"Wait wait wait no you have to tell me what's up you've been acting too weird."

"No Marco we can't talk here we will get caught please we have to go" Cele pleads with him and suddenly takes Bezz's hand in his to rush him along. Bezz feels too shocked at Cele's sudden gesture and simply can't find the words to protest. They walk for a few minutes where all Bezz can think about is the warmth of Cele's soft hand in his. Bezz thinks self consciously about the calluses on his palm and whether they feel weird for Cele to touch. Cele's plam, soft and smooth and warm and alive and real to the touch and somehow Bezz feels that whatever is real in him is emanating from that part of his body that is holding on to Cele.

"Here. Come." Cele lets go of Bezz's hand Bezz feels a little deflated. Cele walks near a tree and picks up a cardboard box and brings it to Bezz.

"I have rabbits."

"......you...what" Bezz thinks he hasn't heard him right. 

"There were rabbits at the wedding venue but I don't think they were being treated right so I picked them up"

"Cele what even.... how did you even steal them and oh my god is this area even safe"

"I didn't steal them Marco!!!!! They are young, kind of, I think they are almost babies, it was just three of them"

"Diobono three is a lot! Have they eaten?"

"I had left some lettuce, and I have more, I need your help feeding them"

"Okay okay fine, let's find a place to sit"

Bezz finds that inside the cardboard box there is a little pet carrier covered with a blanket. Cele pushes in some food through the metal gate grills but the bunnies seem to be asleep for now. 

"What's the plan cele?"

"There archery lawns have a place for rabbits. I will leave them there. I trust the school gardener, we used to have rabbits in my first year at school, he's good with them."

"You think nobody will notice three rabbits appearing out of nowhere."

"They will but they won't know it's us"

Bezz can't help smiling at the response. Cele trusts it will all be good so intently that Bezz can't help be infected by the same disposition.

"Do you want to hold them?" Cele offers.

"Uhh yeah okay yeah."

"Just be relaxed, okay"

Cele opens the metal grate a little and ushers Bezz to put his hand inside.

A warm delight runs through Bezz when he touches the soft fur. He feels them moving with their breath and gently gently strokes the fur. A smile breaks out on his face, wide and luminous under the moonlight.

"It's nice, no" Cele says as he watches Bezz's face.

"Yes, I didn't expect them to be this soft"

They sit a bit longer, trying to feed the bunnies, talking, trying to come up with stories about these rabbits that will convince people to keep them. 

Bezz asks Cele to hold on to the box and make no noise as he navigates a path to the Archery Lawns. Cele takes a minute to leave them in the enclosure, worrying about them. Bezz's reassurance a little ineffective as he says his goodbyes, leaving more lettuce and some broccoli in the carrier.

When they finally start walking back towards the Dorms, Bezz takes Cele's hand in his, his confident decisive gesture in sharp contrast with the nerves he feels inside. Cele offers no protest and holds on. Bezz feels breathless thinking about how similar Cele's beautiful hand feels to the soft rabbits he just held a while ago. 

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

How long do you think Layla was watching Marc in Cairo before she approached him?

She obviously missed the part with the gang or she would have tried to help him institutionally.

But after all that and Marc getting his hat back... How long do you think she watched him wander around trying to find the right guy to ask?

She had not properly seen him in months. She thought he was dead. Then she meets Steven, who she doesn't understand at this point and still isn't convinced it isn't just Marc with amnesia or something. Then she sees Mr. Knight, who is so different that she's starting to wonder if maybe she has the wrong guy after all, because she still has not seen any sign of Marc...

And then she sees Marc in his suit and she knows it's him without any doubt in her mind. And you can see by the way she looks up at him that she knows it's him without even seeing his face. And then he runs off on her AGAIN. Only this time she knows what he is going.

So she goes to Cairo and finds him and watches him.

Watches him move around. Watches him talk to people. Watches him BE Marc Spector. He isn't the timid scared man she saw back in London. There's no sign of that man right now. It's just Marc.

Do you think she stood back for a while, trying to decide how she felt on the whole situation? Wondering how she was going to confront him. Wondering if she was going to go in yelling or if she should just act like he never left? Wondering if he was going to see her and somehow fall through the cracks and vanish again.

Wondering if he would suddenly be someone else she didn't know. What he was hiding and why. Wondering if she even wanted to speak to him. If she could without being hurt or angry. Deciding that she needed to know why he left. Why he was someone else. Why he lied to her.

How long do you think she watched him before she couldn't take it anymore and had to look him in the eye and see that it was not only him, but that he was alive and if there was still any love left between them?

[optionalblue]

IT'S FINE,

IT'S COOL

YOU CAN SAY THAT WE ARE NOTHING, BUT YOU KNOW THE TRUTH

AND GUESS I'M

THE FOOL

WITH HER ARMS OUT LIKE AN ANGEL THROUGH THE CAR SUNROOF

I DON'T WANNA CALL IT OFF

BUT YOU DON'T WANNA CALL IT LOVE

YOU ONLY WANNA BE THE ONE THAT I CALL "BABY"

YOU CAN KISS A HUNDRED BOYS IN BARS

SHOOT ANOTHER SHOT, TRY TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU CAN SAY IT'S JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

MAKE A NEW EXCUSE, ANOTHER STUPID REASON

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL GOOD LUCK!)

WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL GOOD LUCK!)

WELL GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

I'M CLICHÉ

WHO CARES

IT'S A SEXUALLY EXPLICIT KIND OF LOVE AFFAIR

AND I CRY

IT'S NOT FAIR

I JUST NEED A LITTLE LOVIN', I JUST NEED A LITTLE AIR

THINK I'M GONNA CALL IT OFF

EVEN IF YOU CALL IT LOVE

I JUST WANNA LOVE SOMEONE WHO CALLS ME "BABY"

YOU CAN KISS A HUNDRED BOYS IN BARS

SHOOT ANOTHER SHOT, TRY TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU CAN SAY IT'S JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

MAKE A NEW EXCUSE, ANOTHER STUPID REASON

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

OOH, AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP NEXT TO HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

WITH YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS

YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN HIS WIFE

AND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME, ALL OF THOSE YEARS AGO

YOU'RE STANDING FACE TO FACE

WITH "I TOLD YOU SO"

YOU KNOW I HATE TO SAY IT, "I TOLD YOU SO"

YOU KNOW I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT "I TOLD YOU SO"

YOU CAN KISS A HUNDRED BOYS IN BARS

SHOOT ANOTHER SHOT, TRY TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU CAN SAY IT'S JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

MAKE A NEW EXCUSE, ANOTHER STUPID REASON

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE!

(WELL, GOOD LUCK!)

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING

YAYAYAY CHAPPELL ROAN!!

Thank u moon :))

[madamemiz]

alright, my kofi shop has been restocked!

[flovverworks]

thought again how overwhelmingly lonely akira would become after everything while time does its healing. u go from having a twenty-something ppl around u at all times to being alone. no one to knock on ur door in the morning, no ppl going in & out, no chaos of sudden fights. even in the (more likely) case where akira forgets its like. this haunting feeling of having forgotten something u shouldnt have. guy who goes to every social gathering ever to have that chaotic energetic experience of having so many ppl around again

[narwhalandchill]

ok not to randomly go off on a somewhat negative ramble But. (general genshin story direction worries basically)

while there are a bunch of stunts i fear the genshin story slash lore could end up pulling that would serve as not only disappointments but to varying degrees also just retroactively ruin a lot of games writing for me. i dont think theres anything that im as genuinely concerned about as the possibility of like. completely losing their narrative marbles to an overdone time travel/temporal manipulation in one way or another like just the thought of that shit haunts me

bc like. while i dont find them particularly compelling as an argument for that to be the case regarding Everything in the narrative in current lore/theory circles (like. makoto n ei teaming up w istaroth once doesnt automatically establish universal time travel). it is unfortunately true that in canon lore there are many of the kind of lore pieces present that you could use to set that kind of reveal and complete restructuring of the story up. istaroth and the sacred sakura and some shady things said by various characters and how you could argue Any time loop or travel adjacent is just hidden by the irminsul 5head (another piece of writing whose potential misuse seriously alarms me, mind you). and so on.

and i am just. Not about any of that shit. like. for me absolutely any plot device or element that has the risk of fundamentally fucking up a storys continuity and coherence sideways to the degree BOTH the

"genshins gonna turn out to be ALL time travel/time loop/simulation to make [sudden endgame twist X heavily at odds with what was established in the central lore prior] appear sensible"

and

"celestia just irminsuls away all evidence for [that twist X again] so achsually it was always genius and compatible with lore"

tier of nightmare scenarios will have. is just. Not fucking worth it. this shit has ruined countless stories with vastly better writing and way more competent authors because its just. not the kind of stuff you can just insert in a massive fucking story willy nilly to explain away the mystery box you didnt bother to set up together so it ultimately comes together in a cohesive way that Doesnt need to be broken on multiple levels to scrape together some conclusion. and its just hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and like ive never expected some massive masterpiece out of genshin like at best its gonna be one of those stories that once finished gets some really fucking banger fanwork as its community expands upon and explores a solid but flawed canon groundwork. theres fundamental flaws and limitations to its storytelling and format and that cant be helped. so im expecting no miracles on that front.

but the one fucking thing i dont want them to fall for is that misguided at best and outright pretentious and disrespectful at worst allure of. SEE! we outsmarted the audience! the theories! we broke our own story continuity to force a twist because our established worldbuilding technically makes it an option! isnt this smart!

like just please. no. no clue how unpopular this is but im already quite conflicted on the established use of irminsul in sumeru and how it arguably voided a lot of important characterization (nahidas inferiority complex) and narrative potential (scara literally becoming a non factor in the grander story more or less) for good but like. for now. fine. it hasnt become overused yet. i dont think its inherently bad as a factor of worldbuilding. i like how it recontextualizes fact and fiction and the significance of stories that appear mere fables in the world of teyvat. but as it stands the irminsul is still a deus ex machina. and thats a dangerous tool for any writer to have in careless use. and when combined with the sprinkles of lore involving the possibility of time manipulation and such to be further explored. its like powder and keg. two tools that can absolutely gut a story of its narrative cohesion and the weight of its stakes in an instant. its really fucking worrisome.

genshins writing is flawed but the one thing this game has going for it that i REALLY hope the writers will understand to respect is its world. how much the marriage between this massive and beautifully crafted immersive open world and the intricacies of lore and history afforded to all corners of it truly do in tandem to establish the world of genshin as more Real. as weightier. as a place you grow and remain attached to even when the main storys writing stumbles. the world is so important and to let it remain feeling real is just. i hope they understand how fragile of a gem that is.

featuring an artificial world order established by fraudulent divinity and that involving some degree of cosmic fuck-uppery of the natural order and all-encompassing illusion to maintain it is fine. this is a story heavily referencing gnosticism that theme is literally a given. but it needs to be an artificial world order imposed on a real world that remains feeling real the entire time through. and for that to be preserved it needs to remain grounded.

but the problem is that once a story truly commits to the "anything could be altered and fundamentally reversed with the right mcguffin at play with seeming impunity" there is no going back. it becomes very fucking difficult to keep the figurative feet of a narrative even touching the ground for even the most skilled of writers afforded absolute creative freedom to work with (which genshin does not have). and just that much more easier for the stakes to be lost completely. and i dont want to see that scenario become reality

[lemongogo]

so if timeskip stampede s2 is fr are u telling me we can possibly get millie and eriks + og vash designs . ..

[kirisclangen]

Bayclan: Resourceful, Quick to help, and Intrepid

If there were ever a clan that one could always rely on, it’s Bayclan. These cats are dependable and well-rounded, and are often more than willing to lend a helping paw to a cat in need. Being the second-largest of the clans— previously the largest— they’re always got plenty of cats that are eager to help out, even if that just means it gives them something to do. Despite several of the most active and fast-paced cats in the clan leaving to form Vixenclan, many Bayclan cats are quick to bore, and will take on even the dullest of tasks on so long as it allows them to do something with their paws. Bayclan is led by Gullstar, and is camped by the tide pools by the bay shore.

[killmymind]

i’m in this weird place atm where things are definitely better than before, i am doing better and i can recognize and see the process and healing i’ve been doing but at the same time it doesn’t feel Good? don’t get me wrong i am glad to be where i am atm but i think i could and should be feeling a lot better, because is this all there is? is this the feeling i’ve been seeking for years now? cause i sure hope it’s not. i want to feel like life is worth living not just feel glad i am not suicidal anymore yk?