#Mood for s7

[well-and-true]

[nikkiruncks]

make me choose @winnie-the-monster asked Sean/Emma or Eli/Clare

[makorragal-312]

I just played back my reaction to the final scene with Buck and Tommy and my god, the way I leaned back into the couch and my breathing picked up the closer Buck and Tommy got to each other.

Now I'm lowkey terrified of the heart attack I'm gonna have when it's Eddie.

[vanmarkus]

wonder how long we have until the first gifsets appear with 'to the core' lmaoo

[unproduciblesmackdown]

among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically

& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.

obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?

anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"

[wernerherzogs]

not to keep bothering u with 911 stuff but i started this show yesterday and im on season 2 now and eddie has officially entered the chat. thank u for your service.

PSYCHED FOR YOU 🫡

[fruitsyrups]

do you just watch random adventure time episodes at your whim or only chronological rewatches?

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

In preparation for the new Secret Life I've been going back and getting caught up on session 7 and I'm confirming to the frustrating realization that Scar was just the absolute worst POV to start with on that one, everyone else's are great and fun and have a few nice character moments and I just got so unlucky picking the only POV that was pure murder and chaos to start with and killing my motivation to watch the rest of that session T-T

But anyways, enjoying going back to watch the other POVs now and gonna head onto session 8 next :)

[elphabasthropp]

the emotional journey i just went thru in thinking s7 was gonna be the last season to finding out that there’s gonna be a final 8th season actually

[quaranmine]

you know i need to be doing my nano for the day but i think i can count this as "research" since im writing about S7 anyway,,,,

[laikuh]

microdosing on spn by watching amvs ive made.

[bekolxeram]

Continuing on the theme of things I've missed while S7 was airing, we have to talk about the (failed) first date. I admit it gave me too much second hand embarrassment that I usually skipped it on a rewatch. Once I managed to brave through that I realized I did miss something important, so here is another scene breakdown. Again, it's just my own interpretation.

The title of 7x05 is You Don't Know Me, that seems to be the theme of the episode: the Wilsons figuring out Mara's trauma, Eddie finding out Marisol's former nun training, Buck trying to navigate the whole dating a man thing, but they all end up making an effort to make the relationship work.

The date scene starts at the end of the actual date. We don't see much of the getting to know each other stuff, but judging by their faces, it's gone pretty well. At this point they don't know about each other's movie preference yet, so Tommy picks a place where they can decide on arrival, with Buck's input. That also signifies the nature of this date, they're literally "keeping their options open" and just seeing where it goes, without any major expectation.

Buck still seems visibly nervous, but Tommy reassures him that they're just two guys having dinner, it's a very ordinary thing that nobody cares.

Buck pretends he's at ease, Tommy points out he seems a little tensed, but he understands Buck's worry. Tommy speaks about the masculine nature of their job and tells Buck that people are more accepting than he thinks, which sounds awfully like it's from experience.

I think Buck sees it too, so he asks Tommy, who seems perfectly confident in his sexuality and masculinity, if he's been always out on a job. Tommy tells Buck about the 118 under G*rrard, this explains to the audience why Tommy seemed to be straight and a part of the boys club back in S2.

So Tommy was at least aware of or questioning his sexuality at the 118. Mr. "my girlfriend is totally coming next week" and "single is much easier than scaring women" was full blown lying about his sexual orientation. Chances are he does understand Buck's nervous fumbling, as he's probably done worse in the past.

Here comes the seemingly recurring theme of Buck making things all about himself, whether you agree with this or not, he does have a tendency to get stuck in his own head. Tommy assures him yet again that he's not accusing Buck of anything, he's just sharing his own experience to empathize.

Tommy looks a bit surprise when Buck tells him it's his first date with a dude. It's probably new information to Tommy.

And then Buck tries showing Tommy that he holds no prejudice towards queerness because he's an ally, completely oblivious to the fact that he's also one of them. Tommy tries to follow as much as he can.

Tommy senses that Buck is spiraling, trying to pull out random stuff just to bring the date back on track, so he flirts with him just to lighten up the mood and for the third time of the night, reassure him of his interest in him and the rest of the night.

Then Eddie and Marisol walk in, and Buck panics. I know Buck tells Maddie later that he "makes it seem like they were just hanging out", but if you go back to this scene, Tommy is the one who covers for Buck and takes the initiative to agree with Eddie and tell him they're just doing normal bro hangout stuff.

7 seaons in, we all know Buck doesn't have the best luck with first dates. The more he likes someone, the more likely it is for him to mess it up. So of course he has to self-sabotage here and drag Tommy into the closet with him, even though Tommy's already covered for him and Eddie is ready to move on. Tommy doesn't like mad here, he looks disappointed.

For what it's worth, Buck's hot chick comment actually makes things worse. Look at how confused Eddie's reaction is.

This snarky joke from Tommy has caused some controversy among part of the fandom. Some believe that Tommy could've outed Buck with it, but I beg to differ. Eddie knows Buck very well, Buck has always dated women. On the other hand, Eddie has never heard of Tommy dating a woman, he might have attributed it to the recency of their friendship, but that's why he immediately makes the connection in his head that Tommy is gay when Buck comes out to him later in the episode. Even if Eddie had superhuman intuition and understood the double entendre of this closet comment, Tommy would be outing himself, not Buck.

Here is another controversial moment: Tommy doesn't explain anything to Buck until the Uber is here, and he just leaves him there. First, Buck is a grown man, he can get himself home, there is no concern for his safety. Second, Tommy has every right to leave the date if he doesn't vibe with it. When Tommy tells Buck he's adorable, I don't think he's referring to Buck's overall demeanor. I think he means that Buck's nervous fumbling into queerness doesn't scare him, he actually finds it quite endearing. But after reassuring him 3 times, even going as far as telling Eddie, someone they can trust, that they're just hanging out, Buck still feels the need to make the hot chick comment and push them both into the closet, Tommy realizes that things would not go any better if they continue the date. Buck has not fully processed the fact that he's bisexual and he's dating a man. I'm sure Tommy really likes Buck as well, he want to make it work, so to him, the best course of action at the moment is to take a step back and let Buck figure things out himself first.

To Buck this may sound like Tommy is letting him down easy, but I think Tommy is consciously not shutting anything down here. He absolutely will see Buck around, he's still Eddie's friend. Tommy knows they will have to talk about it in the future, but for now, it's best to put a pause on things just to give Buck some space to process. What Tommy doesn't know is that Buck has been dumped so many times that he thinks this is it.

Therefore, not only does Tommy never intend to out Buck during the date, he is willing to keep things ambiguous for Buck's comfort. Ultimately, it isn't enough for Buck, so Tommy takes a step back for Buck to figure things out on his own.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | July 22nd-28th 2024

Had a nice week off, sadly it's back to work for me :(

Complete

Made A Difference In My World by I_still_dont_understand_13/ @dangerpronebuddie (Post-S7, Getting Together | 1K | Teen): Maddie's words echo in Buck's mind as he stops practically mid step to stare. He must look like a fool. Best case scenario, a really detailed lawn ornament. But the sight before him would stop even the toughest of men, and Buck is a weak, weak man. It doesn't help that the speakers are blasting Whatta Man. It doesn't help that this year's LAFD shirts are thinner than previous years thanks to budget cuts. It doesn't help that the sun is at the perfect angle to make the man before him practically glisten.

This doesn’t change anything between us, okay? by fraddit/ @fraddit (Post-S7, Unrequited Love, Open Ending | 1K | Teen): Buck and Eddie talk and break each other's hearts, but the love remains.

Workplace Regulations by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP, Established Buddie | 1,2K | Explicit): "Maybe I should have brought the clipboard. For, like. Plausible deniability." Eddie snickers as Buck maneuvers him back against the shelves, spinning him around in the darkness. "You really think having a clipboard is gonna help if someone catches us fucking in a supply closet?"

my sleep broke on a hug by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP | 1,3K | Explicit): This is real, though. Buck is snoring faintly, and Eddie's mouth is morning-sour, and they're both sweating where they're pressed against each other because Buck tugged the blanket back up over them last night before Eddie pulled him into his arms. This is real.

Come Home by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Canon Divergent - Post Lawsuit | 1,5K | General): Nearly three years after the lawsuit, after Buck ran away from everyone, from him, Eddie gets a letter written in a familiar scrawl.

held at the end of your tether by teaspoon/ @standback (PWP, Established Buddie | 2K | Explicit): Eddie loves getting Buck to say exactly what he wants and then giving it to him, but the fun part is winding him up first—making him beg for it.

drown in my mind by devirnis/ @devirnis (A/B/O AU, PWP | 2K | Explicit): Buck pads down the hallway and pushes the door to the kitchen open slowly. A fond smile curls up the corners of Buck’s mouth. And then the scent hits him. Sickly sweet, like honey and cough syrup. Normally it’s a scent that has Buck’s heart soaring, but the smell combined with the fact that it looks like Eddie has stress-cleaned the entire house while Buck was on his 48-hour shift has guilt churning violently in his stomach. Eddie’s in heat.

this ecstasy, this forgetfulness of living by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP, Established Buddie | 2,5K | Explicit): Eddie hooks a hand through the handle of the leash and tugs a little. Playful, it's playful and a little teasing and not forceful at all, but the collar presses into the base of his neck as Eddie reels him in, and something in Buck's mind goes blissfully silent and still.

mixed message by coldbam/ @coldbam (Post-S7, Accidental Sexting, Infidelity | 2K | Explicit): Five minutes later Eddie hears his phone vibrate on the counter, the screen saying it’s another message from Buck. He expects it to be a link to a trail Buck wants to do, or maybe even a detailed grocery list. But… When he opens his message, he’s greeted to—it’s—well, it’s Buck’s dick. * Or Eddie accidentally receives a text meant for Buck's boyfriend.

melting on my lips by devirnis/ @devirnis (PWP, Established Buddie | 3K | Explicit): Eddie doesn’t know how he ended up like this. Scratch that, he does know how he ended up like this. When Buck gets in a certain mood – all teasing smiles, lingering touches, reaching increasingly further and further to make any kind of innuendo – Eddie finds it impossible to resist him. So when Buck had caged him up against the kitchen counter and kissed the living daylights out of him before suggesting they take it to the bedroom and try something new? Yeah, no way was Eddie saying no to that one.

alleyways and payphone calls by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP, Established Buddie | 3K | Explicit): He doesn't grope Eddie in the elevator mostly because he's pretty sure that if he starts he's not going to stop, and Eddie's got a slightly crazy-eyed look that suggests now is not a good time to count on him being the sensible one.

no need to be brave by teaspoon/ @standback (Post-S5E13, Friends to Lovers | 4K | Explicit): It should be weird, probably, that he’s let Buck take on this role in their lives. And it should be monumental, even earth-shattering, to realize that if anything, Eddie just wants more. He wants to put his mouth on Buck’s birthmark, on his easy grin, at the dip of his throat. He wants to drag Buck into his bed and keep him there. Suddenly, the idea of not seeing Buck for two days makes him want to punch a wall. Again.

The Other Thing by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP, Friends to Lovers | 4K | Explicit): Eddie is blushing, and it's one of the prettiest sights Buck has ever seen, and he'll blame that completely for the next thing that comes out of his mouth. "Do you want me to do it again?"

I mustache you a question by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S7, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): Eddie's life is in shambles. He grows a mustache. It, somehow, fixes everything.

I'll Take "Sounds I Wish I'd Never Heard" For $500, Alex by Kwills91/ @kwills91 (Getting Together, Post-S7 | 5K | Teen): Buck hears the Grindr notification sound on Eddie's phone - several times - and inevitably has a crisis about it.

every time i don't (i almost do) by justhockey (Getting Together | 8K | Teen): Or, five times Eddie almost tells Buck that he loves him, and the one time he finally does.

🔥no one can be born too many times by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Ravi-centric, Post-S7 | 10K | Teen): When Ravi's younger brother shows up at the station unexpected, the 118 gets a better glimpse into his life, and Ravi gets a better perspective on both his families.

Seismic Shift by fraddit/ @fraddit (Post-S2E3: Help Is Not Coming, Canon Compliant | 10K | Teen): Why Buck drove Eddie to pick up Christopher following the earthquake and what happened after that.

🔥 If You Can Make the Music by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, | 14K | Mature): Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise. (Part 3 of Coma-Verse)

🔥shapes and spaces by prettyunhinged (POV Christopher, Getting Together | 14K | Teen): Christopher Diaz has two dads. He's had two dads for almost as long as he can remember. The only problem? His dads haven’t quite worked that out for themselves… yet. or Five times Christopher calls Buck his dad to other people, and the one time he finally gets to say it to Buck.

All The Pieces Last Forever by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Werewolf Eddie, Fae Buck | 19K | Teen): Eddie Diaz is a capable werewolf; he has a son to raise and a pack to take care of and that's enough. Evan Buckley is an unassuming fae, just trying to keep his head down, do his job, and get by each day. It isn't meant to mean anything when they finally meet. Because werewolves and fae don't belong together, right?

🔥 if you have something to say, you should say it right now by andtimestoodstill/ @andtimestoodstill (Canon, S2-S7 , Getting Together | 13K | Teen): Buck turned in his seat to flash Chris a smile. “We’ve arrived at your destination, good sir.” Chris giggled effusively, kicking his feet again. “Thanks for the ride, Buck,” Eddie said, climbing out of the passenger seat. “Say goodbye,” he told Chris. Buck held his fist out for Chris to bump, getting caught off-guard by the way the seven-year-old wrapped both arms around the back of Buck's seat in a hug instead. Chris pulled away, million-watt smile on his face. “Thanks, Buck. It was nice meeting you.” “You too, Chris,” Buck replied, a little breathless. (Or, Six Conversations in Cars) (Part 1 of moment of honesty)

🔥 sit right here and tell you all that comes to me by andtimestoodstill/ @andtimestoodstill (Post-S7, Coming Out | 30K | Mature): Eddie couldn’t look at the sympathetic tilt of Frank’s eyebrows for another second, so he trained his gaze over Frank’s shoulder. Ever since Chris had left, it had felt like the earth had stopped spinning. But as he looked out the window behind Frank, Eddie could see evidence of the world relentlessly marching on. If he stood up to get a better view, Eddie would probably be able to see Buck’s Jeep in the parking lot below. He’d dropped him off forty minutes ago and promised to be there when Eddie was done. (Or, Seven Conversations on Couches) (Part 2 of moment of honesty)

🔥my mind feels like a foreign land by chromatophorica/ @chromatophorica (Canon Divergent - Ghost Whisperer Buck, S2 | 41K | Mature): Buck & Maddie can see spirits; not that Buck ever told anyone he could. As he settles more into firefighting, Buck's quickly realising that ignoring them isn't going to work anymore. Maybe he should've gotten the basics from Grandma after all; then again, he's always been good at winging it.

🔥Second Best by Nejinee/ @nejineeee (A/B/O AU, FWB | 51K | Explicit): Eddie has convinced himself that helping Buck through his heat was perfectly normal behaviour between friends. It didn’t mean anything.

🔥Project: Rocket Kismet - Eddie vs. the Universe by AnnaNSmith/ @annansmith (Post-S4, Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 51K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie are straight. Until they aren't...

🔥loves a game, wanna play? by 42hrb/ @exhuastedpigeon (Post-S7, Love Island AU | 57K | Mature): In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together.

across the stars by ummrys/ @ummrys (The Martian AU | 76K | Teen): Or, NASA astronaut Evan Buckley is presumed dead and abandoned on Mars. Despite everything, he lives to tell the tale.

🔥 Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 128K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

🔥 tell me about despair by hattalove/ @hattalove (S5, Eddie Character Study, Angst | 149K | Mature): eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. there's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place. except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too: it happens when you gnaw a hole in your lip trying to keep quiet only to have the words escape; when you realize that the ghost you've been seeing out of the corner of your eye is yourself; when your best friend smiles, and you allow it to take your breath away. it happens through the smallest of things: bird feeders, and cacti, and pasta shapes.

WIP

🔥 Long Death by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7, Vampire AU | 10/14 | 45K | Explicit): In the summer of 2024, a never before seen form of vampirism breaks out in Los Angeles. Just as Eddie is about to get his son back. Six months later, Buck's life is permanently changed.

drift past the flowers. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, (Un)requited Love | 13/14 | 41K | Teen): OR Buck and Natalia get engaged, and Eddie flees the state about it. A petty email correspondence ensues.

E & E: A Buddie Drabble Collection by Tizniz (Prompt fic | 106/? | 23K | General): A collection of drabbles for Buck and Eddie.

Weary Memory by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Buck&Bobby, Post-S7 | 1/4 | 2K | Teen): After an argument about the circumstances of Bobby's sudden retirement, Buck and Bobby each find themselves inexplicably experiencing one of the other's difficult childhood memories.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 15/21 | 75K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

Podfic

🔥[podfic] everything’s growing in our garden by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove for fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Pre-Buddie, Post-S7 | 20-30min | Teen): or, eddie’s growing a garden. buck might be the most firmly planted thing in it. 

[ohnopeh]

i like to pretend that i’m fine but then i see this specific clip from s7 and think of all the scenes we could have had of ian yearning for mickey and struggling to keep him away for his lover sake

i mean, look how he tries not to give in and kiss him. how he stares at mickey when he’s not looking back. i still love s9 reunion, it broke my heart to see ian so vulnerable and joyful to have mickey with him but god if i loved when their moments were taken more seriously (but that’s shameless fault for changing to comedy)

i just picture this scene with s7’s themes/mood. ian talking to lip about loving mickey, how he never left his mind and that he wants him back (like he did in this scene) and get sad thinking about what we could have had.

i’m grateful for what we have cause younger me had such a emo phase after 6x01 aired and seeing them happily married is even more than what i would have asked for at the time, plus, fanfics rewrite of those seasons are so good and i couldn’t be more grateful but god the what ifs will always kill me

[so-long-soldier-writes]

The Light in My Darkness

damon salvatore x gn!reader | requested

summary: after your boyfriend's death, you fell back into old habits. now that he's back, you're having trouble kicking them again.

tags: angst, hurt / comfort, depression, s3lf h4rm, kisses

word count: 1.7k

a/n: i typically don't write for damon, however i feel comfortable writing this subject matter and i'm getting better with understanding his character. honestly, too, i rewatched s7 and i'm starting to love him even more. (i just love the traumatized characters.)

also, i'm not good at titles. my first title had the word 'put' in it, but i stared at it so long, it didn't look like a word anymore and i had to change it. i think i like this one better. i stg, titles are half the reason i take so long to post. whew, anyway... enjoy ❤️

“Stefan needs help at Whitmore,” Damon says hurriedly. He puts his phone in his back pocket and sighs. “Another Enzo situation.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“No, you stay here. I don’t want him anywhere near you, given he’s in one of his moods and would hurt you for no reason.” He gives you a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

He speeds out the door a moment later, leaving you alone in the large, empty house. You sigh. Your life is so full of supernatural drama, it’s hard to keep up. Honestly, you’re not even sure what the situation is with Enzo, or why he and Stefan hate each other so much, or how Damon knows what to do to de-escalate their arguments. Of course, Caroline debriefed you on it sometime ago, but with all the craziness happening lately, it pretty much went over your head. 

It’s been hard these last few months. Only recently had Damon returned to you from four months after being considered dead, alongside Bonnie, as the other side collapsed with him in it. Those months had been the hardest of your life, and you doubted your ability to make it through them. Losing your best friend and your boyfriend was something you never thought you’d have to endure, yet it happened. Losing them almost killed you, too. 

For three years, you were clean. You hadn’t touched a single blade since you and Damon got serious. He gave you a reason to stop without even knowing it, and with a lot of patience with yourself, you managed to kick the addiction. After he died, though, when you couldn’t bear to live without him, you picked it back up. Part of you is pissed for falling back into your old ways, but the other part has convinced yourself it’s what you need to do to survive. 

When he came back unexpectedly, you were filled with just as much panic as you were joy. You had him back, but had relapsed majorly, and now have to recount your old steps into being sober again. It hasn’t been easy. 

It’s been a couple days since your last time, and while your skin’s no longer bright and swollen, it seems to beg for your attention. You have to plan it carefully, making sure Damon will be gone long enough that he won’t sense the fresh blood. When he grabs your wrists to kiss your face, you don’t want to flinch in slight pain, or let him pick up a chance in your heartbeat. 

It’s such a complicated addiction to have when dating a vampire, yet fighting the urges are so hard, sometimes you can’t help but give into them. 

The blades in the bathroom are ready for you when you enter. A brand new pack sits in the drawer. The boys won’t miss one or two. The one time Stefan did notice, you blabbered a quick lie about needing one to scrape a bit of food dried to the stovetop. He was in such a rush that day, he didn’t catch any lie, and you were able to smile and flee the scene a moment later. Since then, you make sure to hold onto the one you have until there’s enough to not see one missing. 

With everyone seemingly involved in the Enzo situation, you don’t bother to shut the door completely before dragging the blade across your skin. The boarding house is empty, and this bathroom in particular is tucked away nicely behind the stairs. You make a few scattered cuts and watch the blood seep from them. It always seems to calm you in the most grotesque way, and, quite ironically, gives you the perfect dopamine rush that raises your spirits despite the pain. It’s a terrible addiction but with a high reward… until you have to hide the evidence. 

That little reminder makes you sigh. Too many scars are hard to hide, and with Damon back, you have to be careful. It would break him to see you this way; that thought alone makes you put down the blade. For a moment longer, you stare at the tricking blood, committing the sight to memory to maybe fend off the next urge. To imagine the blood on your skin may convince yourself it’s there, and maybe you won’t cut the next time you’re so desperate. Maybe. 

You reach for a piece of toilet paper to dab the wounds. The bleeding needs to stop before you crave another scare. It’s so tempting, but-

“Hey,” Damon appears suddenly, peeking through the door. His eyes are narrowed, as if sensing something’s wrong. “What are you doing?”

You turn to face him and hold your hands around your back quickly. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” He opens the door a little wider, seeing the reflection of your hidden hands in the mirror. “Let me see your arms.”

“I’m okay.” Nervously, you pull down your sleeves to hide your wounds as much as possible. Your eyes meet the floor, unable to lie if you look into his blues.

“No, you’re not.” He argues, anxious to see your face; to not let you shy away and avoid his gaze. His approach makes your heart race, confirming his worst fears. “Let me see.”

“I thought you were leaving. I thought Stefan needed you.”

“He does, but he can wait.”

“But-”

“You’re my first priority. I can tell something’s up. Please,” he brushes a hair away from your face, “let me in.”

“Damon, I’m fine.”

“You’re hurting, and I can smell the blood, and I’m really trying hard not to freak out right now.”

You huff at the realization that he could smell it. You should’ve waited for him to be gone longer before breaking your skin. “Promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Just promise me.” Tears well in your eyes, but you let them fall, unwilling to take your hands off your sleeves. 

“Y/N, I promise. I could never be mad. Just let me see it.”

Slowly, you release your sleeves, but leave the task of rolling them up to him. You can’t bear to do it yourself. Damon takes one hand gently and pulls the sleeve back. Upon seeing the numerous cuts, he pulls the other back with a little more vigor, but is still careful not to hurt you. He stares, unable to speak or move, as his heart breaks with every passing second. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. His eyes meet yours and you finally break down into tears. 

Without a moment of hesitation, he pulls you into a hug, wrapping his arms protectively around your body. You feel safe in his arms, you always do. Damon has a way about him that always makes you feel safe, no matter what anyone else thinks of him. He’s loyal and understanding, and that is part of the reason you feel so horrible for not telling him this. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, now sobbing into his chest. 

Your heart beats and reminds him that you are alive. The cuts made into your skin weren’t deep enough to take you. The pain you have been feeling hasn’t swallowed you whole. He concentrates on your breathing, and your crying, and uses it to anchor himself before asking the thousands of questions flooding his mind. 

He pulls away, finally, and wipes your tears with his thumbs. His hands grip your shoulders with a gentle desperation, as if he’s afraid you could dissipate at any moment. 

“Y/N…”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

“Did you mean for me to find out at all?”

Your heart feels heavy as you reply, “honestly, no.”

“Why not tell me, Y/N? You know I love you. If you’re hurting, I want to be there for you.”

“I know… I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint you? Some part of me was embarrassed about it, and I didn’t want you to see me differently because of it. I don’t know.” 

“Baby, there’s nothing you could do that’d ever make me love you less. Nothing that would ever make me feel a different way, or see you in another light.”

“I know. I know my feelings are totally irrational, I just… they’re fears.”

“I understand.” He kisses your forehead, then releases your shoulders to hold your hands and kiss them, too. “Hey, can you promise me something?”

“I can try.”

“Come to me the next time you’re feeling like you want to hurt yourself, okay? Let me help you through it.”

“But-”

“It doesn’t matter what’s going on, or who’s texting, I will drop anything and put you first. But you gotta let me in when you need it. Okay?”

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Now,” he pauses, biting into his arm and holding it out for you to drink. His other hand meets the back of your head, stabilizing your neck to keep you comfortable. 

To his dismay, you refuse. You try to pull away, but his other hand prevents that, so you look down instead. “I can’t.”

“Y/N…”

“The scars are a reminder that I bleed. As soon as they fade away, the urge returns, but if they’re there for a little while, the urge is less strong. They’re kind of a comfort, I think. A reminder.”

“So you don’t want me to heal them?”

“I’d rather not. They don’t bother me too much. Do they bother you?”

You can see the hesitation in his eyes. He fights with himself, knowing the sight is a reminder of your pain, but understands their existence helps you heal. After a moment, he shakes his head. “No, baby, I only care that you’re safe.” He kisses them one more time. “Have you eaten much today?”

“Not really.”

“Well… do you mind if I make you something, even if it’s just something small, and then we can sit together on the couch? We’ll take today slow.”

“Okay. Wait, but what about Stefan?”

“Caroline can handle it. Then he’ll be in her debt and she’ll be happy about it,” he jokes.

You smile, appreciating his humor despite the somber mood hanging above both your heads. He’s the light in dark times, the much needed laugh that breaks the awkward silence. It’s part of the reason you fell for him so quickly. 

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. And thank you.”

He pulls you in to kiss your forehead, then reaches for your hand. “Of course.”

[leiascully]

Girl your “love is dead” anon got me tweaking! I don’t want to disrupt your fictober flow - but I have a prompt request for later. Can you write some petty fight or argument about Jerse or Diana while they’re already together, preferably set after s7? I’m not in the mood for their usual “we’re gonna be mature and discuss it maturely” - I want some petty and petulant heat of the moment fight. Bonus if there’s smut — SINCE MULDER AND SCULLY ARE HOT AND IN LOVE AND THEEEE SHIP BLUEPRINT with so much sexual tension and chemistry even after 30 years, and even if they weren’t soulmates you can’t look at them and honestly think they don’t have hot sex ANONN!!

It should be a nice afternoon. Mulder's over at her apartment. They're watching baseball. She's on maternity leave. She's relaxing. And yet every single thing in her life is irritating. Her body doesn't feel like her own. She didn't sleep well, because her belly is inconveniently big. Every craving she's had lately seems to exacerbate her heartburn, and she has to pee all the time, and even her walks around the neighborhood make her short of breath. She's tired of stretch marks and she's afraid of hemorrhoids, especially since it's harder to turn to wipe at this point.

Mulder seems blissfully unaware of all this and she's glad about that, but irritated too. It was only weeks ago that he was still icing her out like it was her fault he'd been buried. She knows that's the trauma—God knows she felt some of it herself after her abduction—but it's still frustrating as hell.

She prayed so hard for this pregnancy, but being pregnant comes with its own strange burdens, even during the moments that she's not afraid for her life and her child. She prayed for Mulder to be returned to her, but not for this alternately blithe and bitter version of him who's sometimes acting like nothing's wrong and sometimes seems to blame her for all of it. A quarter of the time, he's so solicitous it's as if he thinks pregnancy has broken her. A quarter of the time, he seems like he's about to bolt. The other half of the time they're together, it's like he ignores the whole situation, except for the occasional quip. But she never gets to forget it.

Whatever happened to him seems to have reset their relationship, and that also pisses her off. Seven years of foreplay, and all for what? For him to act like now that she's pregnant, she's the Virgin Mother? Especially now, when her hormones are at extreme high tide and she just wants to be railed within an inch of her life? He just sits there looking like the man who used to eat her out until her whole body ached from coming too many times, and watches baseball like he doesn't remember the way he thrust against her when he was pretending to teach her how to play.

There's a sharp crack from the tv, the sound of a ball hit hard and fast, and Mulder whoops. Scully jumps in her seat. The fact that she's startled makes her seethe.

"What do you think?" he says, turning to her. He's grinning widely. "Is it finally time for me to get NY tattooed on my ass?"

Anger bubbles over inside her. He said the same thing when he saw her tattoo for the first time. "Fuck off," she suggests, almost cordially, and starts to heave herself up from the couch. She can read in bed or something. Drink pathetic herbal tea at the table. Anything but sit here and want what they used to have.

"Hey, whoa." He catches her arm. "What did I say? Do you not want me to get a tattoo?"

"Far be it from me to suggest you do anything with your body," she says frostily, sort of crouching on the edge of the sofa. "Although I can't imagine you extending me the same courtesy."

"What's this about?" he asks, putting the tv on mute.

"You never miss a chance to needle me about my tattoo," she says. It's a completely unfair statement, the kind of deranged nonsense that only couples say to each other, and she didn't even mean to put "needle" and "tattoo" in the same sentence.

His face clouds. "It wasn't about that."

"No, of course it wasn't," she says, looking away from him. He's still holding her arm. "Because you don't care what I do unless I'm fucking someone else, even if you don't want me."

"I don't want you?" He finally sounds a little bit angry. Good. She wants to stoke those fires. Maybe he'll kiss her, maybe he'll storm out: either way, they'll have reached a tipping point. Something seems to click in his brain. "Are you fucking someone else?"

"Would it be your business if I were?" she challenges him.

"I guess not," he says, but he's got that stubborn set to his jaw.

"If you're not going to make it your fucking business, you should leave," she tells him. "It'll save me the effort of boxing up your stuff the next time some leggy brunette from your past shows up."

"Not pulling any punches, huh," he says, breathing fast. She hates the way his chest looks in that t-shirt. She hates the way his jeans strain over his thighs as he shifts.

"You never hold back when you're kicking me when I'm down," she says, looking at him levelly, and it's not fucking fair and she knows it, but none of this is fucking fair. She has everything she thought she wanted and all of it's just not quite right. She's half an inch from bursting into angry tears.

"What the fuck is happening right now?" he asks. "I thought we were watching baseball." As if he doesn't remember the way he talked to her about Ed Jerse. He remembers. He remembers everything.

"Just go," she says, turning her face away. She puts one hand on her belly, as if she could calm the roil of lust and resentment and disappointment.

"Uh uh," he says. "You don't get to kick me out before I leave you. I know that trick." His chest is heaving now.

"You've left me before," she says in a low voice.

"I'm not fucking doing it now," he tells her, anger crackling in his voice. "Diana's dead, if you remember."

"It wouldn't be the first time you've abandoned me to chase a ghost," she says, and it's a low, low blow.

He flinches like she slapped him. She didn't mean Samantha, of course she didn't. But there were other ghosts along the way, and she knows he knows that.

"What do you mean I don't want you?" he asks, the words rasping out of him.

She shakes her head. "You haven't so much as kissed me on the cheek since you got back."

"Scully, I want you all the fucking time," he says, and the intensity in his eyes and his voice hits so deep she feels it in her bones. It's like he's really looking at her for the first time since the hospital. Her lips part. She watches his eyes drop to her mouth. Fuck, she wants him so much even that makes her wet. "I didn't think you wanted me anymore."

"I want you so badly," she says, almost whimpering it, and she hates herself a little for that, for being so weak in him, but he pulls her forward and crushes her against him and his mouth is against hers at long fucking last and God, that's exactly what she needed. To be held by him, to feel him against her, really and truly here, really and truly hers.

"Please," she says, and he's already tugging her into his lap. She straddles him, the ridge of his cock making itself known under her thighs. She's wearing some t-shirt dress and leggings her mom got for her and she hates it, she absolutely hates it. She misses her sleek suits and her jeans that didn't have an elastic panel in them and being able to wear any of her sweaters without feeling like she's stretching them out in the bust. She misses the body Mulder couldn't stop touching. But he can't seem to stop touching her now, either: his hands cradle her tits, slide down her back, mold themselves over her hips. He even touches her belly, very gently, but like he's maybe a little less afraid of it.

"Can we...?" he asks.

"If we don't, I might die," she tells him, and kisses him. He kisses her back like her mouth is the only thing that can save him. His tongue is in her mouth and God, she missed it. She missed everything about him. Even the smell of his skin is intoxicating. She grabs him around the neck like she'll float away if she doesn't hold on.

They kiss until she's dizzy with need. She breaks away and sits back on her heels, panting a little. "That was a joke. About dying."

"I got that," he says, "but we can't take that chance." His hands skim up her thighs, under the hem of her giant unflattering t-shirt. She lifts her hips and her arms so he can pull it up and over her head. Immediately, his eyes are on her tits, and then his face is buried in them, his lips wandering over her skin. She moans as he thumbs her nipples through her ugly maternity bra. They're so sensitive and he knows exactly how to touch her somehow. He always did.

"Is it weird if I suck on your tits?" he asks, the words muffled by her cleavage. In answer, she lifts her nipple to his mouth and moans again as he tongues her through the fabric. Fuck, it feels good. She grinds on the bulge of his erection. She's come just from this, but not for a long time. She moves faster, torn between wanting to hump him into oblivion and wanting to come with him inside her, his skin against hers. The second possibility wins out. She crawls off his lap.

"Everything okay?" he asks. His eyes are hazy with desire and his hair is mussed. He looks so much like Mulder-Before that her heart squeezes and she almost wants to cry. They're not who they were. But they can be themselves again.

"No," she says, and gets to see his panic face. "You've got way too many clothes on."

"You got me," he says, stripping off his shirt. His scars are fading, much less livid than they were in the hospital. She studies him with an appreciative eye as he undoes his jeans. He's still got it. He wiggles out of his jeans and helps her peel out of her leggings and her maternity underwear.

"How do we do this?" he asks.

"However we want," she says. "Mulder, pregnant people can have sex." She is very, very slightly worried given how many problems she's already had, but not enough to stop. They deserve one fucking break in the midst of all of this, one thing that's still the same.

"Lean back," she tells him, nudging him toward the corner of the sofa. He goes where he's told, his cock bobbing as he moves. The slightly reclined position makes room for her stomach. It might not be the most comfortable, but she wants to look at him. She straddles him again, up on her knees. His hand is between her thighs, sliding between her folds. He swears in a low voice when his fingers find where she's wet. She echoes him when he brushes his slick thumb over her clit. It's like Fourth of July fireworks and twinkling lights on Christmas morning all at once, but inside her body.

"I want you," she tells him, looking down at him.

"You got me," he promises. "I want you so much, Scully."

"Show me," she says, sinking down. He guides his cock into her. God, it's been too long. She's tight, and even though she's so wet for him, it takes a minute to take all of him. She eases herself down and down and down the hot length of him. She moans as she takes him deeper, spreading her knees on the sofa to get another half-inch. Finally she's resting against his thighs and she's so full she thinks she could come just like this, just feeling him all the way inside her. He puts one hand on her face, as tender as if it's their first time. In a way, it is, all over again.

"I missed you," he whispers, and she bursts into tears as she starts to move. But she's laughing and crying at the same time, riding him. She lets herself be loud, lets herself be messy. He should see how he undoes her. But his mouth is open and desperate under hers too. His hands tremble on her skin.

"I missed you so much," she says, the words broken up by kisses and by the way he thrusts up into her. She loves feeling the strength of him under her. She loves his arms around her. His bare skin against hers is what she's been craving the worst her entire pregnancy. She has brief flashes of what it would have been like if he'd been here the whole time: the way he would have caressed the slight swell of her growing belly, the delight in his eyes feeling the baby kick.

"It's not too late," she says, and he groans in agreement. She's close. She sits up so she can ride him hard, grinding her pelvis against him. His fingers find her clit and she gasps, a sharp noise. He grins up at her.

"Hips before hands," she pants.

"I knew you loved baseball," he says roughly.

"Just the nice piece of ash," she says, and he flicks her clit just right and she's coming, shivering around his cock. He throbs inside her, thrusting up like he can't help himself. It's all she can do to grip his thighs with her knees as he pounds into her, but she won't shut her eyes. She needs to see him. She watches his pleasure build. His mouth is open and his cheeks are flushed. There's a light in his eyes she hasn't seen since Before.

"Come on," she urges. "I need this."

He makes an inarticulate noise that's about half her name and comes hard, his thighs like steel under her. She holds him as her muscles flutter in delicious empathy. His eyes are shining as he looks up at her. A tear rolls down his cheek. She catches it on her thumb and brings it to her lips. He laughs, sounding surprised.

She climbs off him. It's a slightly difficult process, but he braces her with his hands and that helps. She retrieves the detested t-shirt dress and wads it under herself to shield the couch from any sticky residues. They both lie back against the cushions, breathing hard.

"What were we fighting about?" she asks.

"Whether I love the Yankees more than I love you, I think," he says, sprawling next to her.

"You do," she says. "But that's okay."

"I don't," he says. "I don't love anything more than I love you, Scully. Not even ghosts."

She meets his eyes. His gaze is steady. "Okay," she whispers.

"Okay." He nods. "As for things I might have said about anyone else you were fucking, it's not an excuse to say that I was insanely jealous, but it does explain it a little. Sorry I was a dick."

"Sometimes we were both dicks," she says. "I think that's how love works."

"You wanna find out together?" He holds out his hand.

"Yeah," she says, taking it. "I do."

On the television, a baseball soars into a cloudless blue sky. It's a grand slam.