#Money vs my mental health issues fight

[backpackingspace]

The instant exhaustion and regert I have about getting a second job even though it pays well and I'm excited for it is insane. Like on one hand the ability to save money, the job is fun, the boss seems great. On the other my depression. My 16 hours of reading and not talking to people when I'm not Backpacking

[fantomette22]

What are some Maria headcanons that you have?

( @izunias-meme-hole)

Lady Maria headcanons post (part 1) :

Alright! Well I already share those a while ago : https://www.tumblr.com/fantomette22/743244500505378816/lady-maria-vs-keeper-of-the-old-lords?source=share  +couple of other around my blog

So I will try to share other things not just related to « Maria could do pyromancy from her living if she really wanted to but was actually terrified by it! Because she didn’t want to use her own blood to inflict pain and death. » also I won’t explain in detail how I hc she got her Rakuyo : by directly going to the East herself! (Yamamura’s country).

🍂But why did she name it like that? The Rakuyo? Well Rakuyo means « fallen leaves » right? Well, when she finally got her blade she needed to baptise it, to use it properly for the first time. And guess on what she uses it? A fallen leaf! (naturally falling in autumn). Cut it straight in two halves. And that’s how she knew how she was going to name it.

Enjoy the ride t's going to be long ;)

⚔️She got an Evelyn gun during her teenage years and before the Rakuyo she often train & fight with both a chikage and a reiterpallasch (she really like dual wielding 😎 or maybe with another sword like the shadow could have been a thing she fight with 🤔 but yeah I guess she was trained with all type of weapons) I wonder if she could have been a bit ambidextrous too.

⚜️Ok now concerning her family (tree) I have at least 5 different headcanons for it 💀but let’s just go with my main one aka the fic verse one (where she’s just Annalise’s cousin XD). Because if you get me started on the alternatives it’s just never gonna be over XD (those are really in very different timelines. It’s not really the same characters & events are different)

🩸I imagined she had quite a mixed relationship with her family. It’s like when you love them bc it’s your family, you like the good memories and nice moments you have, this little chill & special outings etc but there’s also some stuff you’ll never be able to forget or forgive them. You feel you need distance and be autonomous to not get hurt by them anymore, to not get frustrated and misunderstood. Just have news and share things outside.

She never really fit in with her peers. Kinda an odd one who just masks really well to fit into the mood when asked of her. I prefer to say « a (white) wolf » in a pack of hounds in context but yeah black sheep in a white flock if it’s easier to understand x) She had a lot of pressure on her shoulder as well (being the last pyromancer and not far in the line of succession)

But she really likes her close cousins which she grew up with (Annalise, Vled), a couple of other friends (Charles, Svetta, a couple of future young knights etc) as well as younger relatives and kids (Leo etc)! But she doesn’t get that much along with the others. Like she goes along better with the servants probably. 

⚜️She mainly grew up between Cainhurst and where her parents had lands and their manor (in the north, near a coast). Her parents are often not there because they are sent by the crown to places so it's complicated . When her mother is in a good mood that’s mostly fine, her dad is a bit more chill (he taught her how to play a lot of card games and poker too! She probably played 2-3 times with money at stake. She prefers amical things. She will absolutely beat your ass at it too. She’s the definition of having a poker face XD)

👑She was a lil bit raised like a future lady in waiting but more as future knight (page (of the king), squire, knight training etc really rough training too 💀 very dark shit hm like beat the shit out of people while wearing a full weight armor, swim in a ice lake and idk shot hm dead things… I swear there’s more fun things but hm yeah…)

That one really isn’t fun as well but i imagined that during her teenage years she already had to deal with mental health issues (due to well some pb with her family etc). Thankfully, she did get better after spending a summer a bit far away at a friend's home (to simplify). Still she got scared for some years afterwards that some of those dark thoughts would eventually return. Thankfully it didn't for most of her life. She got some happy times…Bad times too but not that bad until well probably more than 15-20y later where you know… she would sadly not make it out this time.

🌌She was accepted as Byrgenwerth and went to mainly study sciences, astronomy, but did learn a bit of theology as well as medicine (basic medicine stuff,  nurse & help midwife etc). She did 5y and got a master degree. She also participated in underground expeditions arranged by Byrgenwerth.

⭐️She probably know how to speak way more than 2 languages : whatever they speak in Yharnam, latin/pthumerian language, whatever the equivalent of Japanese is and probably a bit of other European languages too. Oh a north/slavic languages as well, because she had ancestors from there too).

🐴When she was very little they got some borzoi I guess but most of her life at Cainhurst she got 2 siblings crows (I have Phobos & Deimos names in my draft) as well as her own horse, named Filan. (mean little wolf in gaelic/irish apparently? Speaking of which Maria's nickname when she was little was "little wolf" maybe in another language too). She probably had a couple of plants too.

(suppose to be almost a full black horse but i’m not 100% settle because i could go full horsemen of the apocalypse aesthetic with other knights if i change the colors… but in my first draft that’s a black horse yes)

🔥When she was very little they discovered she could eventually have pyromancer blood power.It might have been a huge pride for them and honor for her but… clearly Maria didn’t want to become like the shadows of the antics pthumerian royals. A silent and hidden knight who kills without asking questions… clearly she wasn’t really found of this idea 😅 Thankfully for her she don’t know or to use such power and didn’t put much effort to try to learn it (in life she will probably accidentally use it 2-3 time…)

She highly respects a lot of traditions and culture from Cainhurst but there’s stuff like exposing the remains of animal prey that she found a bit barbaric. She doesn't mind others using blood blades and she will do it alone/ for training or even in choreography but she doesn’t wish to hurt or kill with it.*

💔So she was supposed to become a royal guard but things didn’t go like they should have…the poor young knights got into a fight with something by accident… a mortal trap they couldn’t win… only Maria made it out alive. Very hurt and slightly traumatized… She then had a huge fight with her family & relatives about what happened. She couldn’t even send news to her friends bc they forbid it to calm any rumors about what happened…Hm then Maria’s family decide to send her more north where her parents have lands etc so things calm down and she could ya know do her knight work or smt. Anyway she run away at Byrgenwerth💀

Sorry for the meme jebfekb I am not giving lot of details for now but it's highly link with my Knight & Beast of Cainhurst story.

(Why this meme too? Well due to rumours her friends legit thought she died 💀 she went to Byrgen only 1-2 months later. During the holidays. So she sent to like Ludwig & the other who weren't there letters to tell them she was ok. That's were came this meme XD)

❤️‍🩹Anyway she was partially disowned of some stuff for a bit and didn’t came back at Cainhurst for while. But after some times, her and her family wanted to both apologize and reunite, but without an occasion it would be complicated. Well, until a CERTAIN SOMEONE stole the forbidden blood to Cainhurst and tell them Maria helped 💀 (she had no idea, and he only did that bc he owns her one). So she didn’t approve but she kinda reconciled and they gave her the occasion to do a mission for them later on, in JAPAN (the Eastern land) and well you know the rest.

⚓️She had the occasion to go to « Japan » and have her dream of becoming like half in charge of a ship after getting her master degree! (she just did navigation stuff with the stars but maybe she was captain lol that’s what she wanted to do when she was little actually. But reading Evelyn diaries and not just the novels she realised how hard it was to always have such life h24)

Congratulations Lady Maria! 

After really hard years.. and trauma… and a exhausting presentation 

You win : 

a master degree in astronomy (sciences & other things)

a nice meal with your parents & family that congratulate you

a big part of your inheritance back!

a super wine bottle to share with your friends

 a trip to japan

finally your promised personalised double sword

a personalised hunting attire when you came back

to able to work with gehrman’s hunters & the healing church when you came back

So proud of you ❤️👏

✨Other lil hcs : 

Laurence made her very interested in religion. I am not joking, I sincerely believe he converted her somehow. / Made her very interest into great one religion etc

Gehrman saved her life more than once, she did the same. They went into lot of hunt training/camping trip as the beggining of being hunters.

She became great friends with Ludwig, Rom, Caryll, friends Damian too etc back at Byrgenwerth. With Micolash it was a bit more nuanced for a while. Before becoming close friends they were roasting each other often XD but respected each other too.

Her brooch either came from her mother or the late queen (aunt) so a family heirloom I guess. Ressemble a lumenflower. 

She helped the early healing church with treating people, make food, teach kids etc

She was highly respected by all the old hunters. Even if she had some tensions with dear Izzy at like the beginning they knew each other XD She earn their respect and everyone ended up very liking her being her kindness, abilities etc

When she was sent alone or with a couple of hunters to help in a secluded villages, people were of course really skeptical at first but she quickly proved them her worth.

I think sometimes she wears dresses…  but hey she never wears high heels or ballerina shoes (she hates it so hey she still has her special style! aka huge boots XD) It’s often very simple ones as well. Except at Cainhurst, it’s not very extravagant.

She loves to read tons of books (cainhurst library is there for smt XD)

With her cousins they loved to explore and wander the castle! At night too.. got them into trouble more than once.

Sometimes she wears sunglasses when it’s very sunny (poor girl has white eyelashes you see! she have an excuse)

She really loved the lumenflowers too like i explained last time.

She got some scars at the base of her neck. That’s why she almost always wear a jabot with her broach. (maybe on the hands too. that’s why she often has gloves).

She made (with a bit of help) Gherman’s red scarf while in japan.

“Of the Astral Clocktower” because she basically funded its construction with her own money. So like it’s partially hers on papers. (She did mostly astronomical studies & took care of the patients kind of like a nurse during her time at the research hall

She could play a couple of instruments (especially violin and cello). 

Of course she know many ballroom & court dance and taught other to others when they were invited to some places.

She actually can “sing” very well (but more music without real lyrics like the dream ost for exemple) ! She would probably almost never do that in public too.

Some books at the workshop are hers

Oh, did I already told she was very scared of pthumerian pyromancers before she fought the keeper of the old lords?

Ok now because I didn't know what to add to the post I asked some of my friends to help me with questions they wanted to know about! Thanks @heraldofcrow & @fareehaandspaniards there you go:

Was she comfortable with life at Cainhurst? (Before the Vileblood)

I think I answered that above ^ it’s very complex and complicated. Sometimes it goes well (especially in childhood) but sometimes it’s very complicated and not so good… (especially during teenage years and during some events where she got a lot of pressure and all. It got better after all this mess and Vilebloods mess of course (even if some distance was left compared to before). 

🩸🐦‍⬛Bloody Crow’s relation to Maria? 

In my main hc he’s the son of Maria’s cousin (Vled, the knight). So her little cousin basically. But to simplify I often say he’s like a nephew to her. I named him Voron! (I know very imaginative it means raven XD)  Still unsure if he’s born before or after the hamlet (probably after too) but in all cases Maria was around to help with the birth and to help take care of him for the first couple of days. She loved him very much. Also In the case something were to happen to his parents, well the king & queen would take care of him but if somehow they can’t/something were to happen to them too, Maria promised she would be the one to take care of him. 

Still, she died when he was very young. Probably like 3-6 years old. So he does remember a bit. But just a little and he has very good memories of her. But he also saw his family hurting from her disappearance and all and so he grew more mixed feeling but mostly it stays positive. He really looks like her in a lot of ways.

🕷️Rom and Maria friendship 🥺? 

I see you want to know more about their friendship! I think They had a wholesome friendship overall! But it didn't begins great. I am trying to write it in my fic since a few months but it's all hard and idk how to do that exactly XD

Like they were doing a group exercise and Rom was pretty bad and it (supposed to be quite easy) and Maria who got frustrated to explain it so much lash out a bit and tell her like “are you dumb or something?” 

Everyone in the class isn't very nice to Rom (and Maria) and said worst things behind her back so she thought that was, you know OK somehow and not that mean. But she quickly realized afterwards her mistake, that Rom was the Provost daughter and that she had some disability. But despite that, she was still trying hard and she must be very strong to have the lvl to be here you know! 

Maria feels very bad about it (Micolash had dark looks to give her too lmao)  but after a while (talking with other people cough cough) she decided to come to her and apologize sincerely and even try to help her on a few things.

Rom was quite surprised at first because nobody, you know approaches her like this to apologize and that's a huge thing considering Maria is from Cainhurst and a noble.

I mean she didn't even have hard feelings against Maria because everyone else is way meaner and she kinda forgot about it. She was quite surprised but also very thankful and they began to talk more. Micolash was the most surprised and he told Rom to be careful to not get walk over, to not believe lies and stuff but he quickly realized that it was genuine. And Rom had to reminded him (with Damian) that well, when he first meet Rom he was kinda of a bully at first!  Before becoming a mother hen with Damian.

So yes the two girls began to talk about a lot of things! She even got invited to Rom’s room. There’s tons of insects and underglass and stuff but generally people don't like that but Maria found it cool! She got some back home too and found it very interesting actually! So they quickly became friends with all the little gang. And also they are basically the two girls of the squad! I mean Caryll is in the girls squad too but they can also be in the boys squad so yeah anyway you know how girl besties can be x) you don’t share the same things exactly. Plus Caryll & Rom are really in the must protected squad.

 Maria even defends Rom from her family when she came back for the holiday and they asked her if she made some friends and who they were and stuff. And you know uh Mara had to told them in a very exaggerated manners that « oh I'm friend with the Provost daughter you know! » (You know because that's what they want to know, if she made strong connections with interesting people before anything else…)

But of course, you're going to have very rude comments from some relatives or something who’s going to say “oh the retarded one?” 💀  And everyone's looking at him like “can you please not say it like this?”  Poor Maria just standing there and dunno what to say because she really cares about her as a friend. She doesn't just want to have friends to show off she has important contacts. She genuinely values those friendships. Sadly, she can’t just tell her family that her friends are mostly “the weird introvert group kids! just like me!”(so she talk about Ludwig too! but don't put too much details on others…)

So yeah they stayed great friends for years. Sadly, in tough moments they didn’t really share what hurt them to the other… (after kos etc maybe a bit but not too much)

🗡️🛡️What or who inspired Maria's path of knighthood in her youth?

History books & knight novels! Her grand uncle, the other knights, king etc, Her family push her/ “let her choose” that way as well.

Lady Evelyn stories (she was like Maria grand aunt/ cousin of her grandparents, mostly an adventurer).

The bodyguard of Annalise’s mother who was at first a mercenary sent to Loran before becoming a royal knight.

🍜What were Maria's food preferences?

Hm i think if it looks/smells average and edible she’s actually not that complicated XD She made a lot of effort through the years to get used to more common and simple food.

My poor girl couldn’t really cooked anything when she arrived at Byrgenwerth besides cutting basic things, make tea, made ramen and skins animal meat (like rabbit) before Gehrman thought her other recipes 😭 (she made great soups afterwards! hunters like it, she cuts aliments well XD but yeah my boy cooks well for everyone he made her liked many simple things that if not done well many don’t like. But bro is the only one who probably likes some chard gratin or something out of everyone…)

Like most of her family, i supposed she would very much enjoy some rare/medium rare meat XD but when it’s EVERYDAY she got very tired 💀 I mean she tried to tell her family it was too much so they respected her wishes and gave her only vegetables for a couple of days… but not like normal meals no! like a whole ass not decorticate salad or full ass carrots with skins and all! 💀 She rapidly apologized like you can guess. (still she can’t stand those damn carpaccio when there’s too much!)

Besides that yeah only non meat dishes don’t bother her at all, she would even prefer most of the time. She likes both sophisticated but also very simple dishes she discovered.  Exotic food from the east. Of course my girl liked sushis, fish, sea fruit etc. I mean she used to like it way more before… you know… afterwards many hunters couldn’t just smell white fish for a few days without feeling nauseous…. for Maria she just couldn’t bring herself to eat like 95% of white sea fish anymore… (I guess salmon and thon and lobster were still ok but that’s it really).

And well of course deserts are always so nice so whatever 🤤

🌻Her relationship with Adeline?  /Who is Adeline to her in your interpretation? 

(Yeah both of you asked me this one! x) )

Well depending on the interpretations I have two main interpretations for her! (in the AU/very different timeline where Gehrman is like Maria's dad, that's her girlfriend lol) but in my main interpretation that’s not really the case. I prefer to see them as friends and very close friends I think? during her early time at the research hall. Another close friend she made who’s mainly outside of her main group. But both have quite an evolution through the years they knew each other. 

If i remember the draft in my head correctly it goes like this : 

After Maria graduated (and came back from her mission trip) she went to help the early healing church develop itself and its activities between hunts and going in the pthumerians labyrinth and that’s where she met Adeline.

I supposed Adeline is a Yharnamite? but she lost everything (her family. not sure what happened) and basically didn’t have a home anymore and clearly saw herself as worthless (poor girl had terrible self esteem issues all her life afterwards…) So the early healing church took in some people in need, gave them a place to sleep, eat and heal them if they were sick. Maria took care and helped Adeline during that time (after it was Laurence too).

And so the 2 became friends! In the end Adeline (who had nothing left) decided to dedicate her life to the healing church and helped others as well, so they saw each other with Maria afterwards! They advised each other and could have been a bit confident of each other as well. Of course Maria wasn’t very hyped when Adeline became a blood saint fully (seeing the bad things it could do to people) but she respected her choices.

During the research hall, before Adeline took part in the experiments, she helped Maria, Rom, Caryll etc around with the patients & other things. I suppose because of some dreams/ exposure to something, the decline of everyone's mental health, and maybe other people asking her... she decided to give herself fully to those experiments as well in the end… Her death was one of the last straws for Maria...

----

I know I have more questions left but I am reaching Tumblr word limit soon so I will reblog/make a 2nd post (or even a 3rd)💀 with the rest of the most interesting (and huge) questions! It's not quite written yet but for now this should be a nice distraction and a good reading I hope!

[nonsensical-questions]

Errmmm annual update,

How are things goin for ya (not about sensetale specifically, just in general)

I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off

vs. mad mew mew genocide route edition! i love mew mew as a character and i've been really inspired to make something relating to her i just didn't know what to, well recently i got my insperation and have been coding it out, don't know what the ending is currently but i have a rough idea of what i want to do, hopefully you will all enjoy it the song is Dummy! from UNDERTALE: Alternate, thank them so much for letting me use the song! couldn't hope for a more fitting battle theme that just so happened to accidently match with the character i was making the fight for lol I have more projects i'd love to show off but tumblr only allows for 1 video so you'll have to have the shitty gifs instead

after undertale yellow released I loved the concept of everything so much but i really wish some more attention to the lore had been put in, but hey there was still some really cool stuff they did like i loved the guns and ammo types, so i decided to work on what it would look like for the blue soul which i nicknamed melody as her healing things are music notes and clovers are well clovers, this spawned a whole thing where i started making characters and ideas and... honestly i don't think it will go anywhere soon.... if at all but hey a mouse can dream huh? well i might as well show off some characters with little to no context huh?

not all of these are major characters but just stuff I wanted to show off, if people wanna make art or ask about it, the au name is official "Undertale: Era of Integrity" but for now you just get the designs and simple mechanics that i showed off, i have more to talk about

an underfell project! this was mainly learning to code KR and fuck around with my idea of an underfell au that takes the canon version and makes small tweaks here and there, i made some sprites to show what i mean

again not really giving out much info, if people wanna know more let me know i guess! no official name just some underfell concepts i've been working on I do wanna make some playable fights eventually but i'd need to work out some kinks first to make it all work some other projects that feel too small to sorta show off stuff of are a Tale's end sans fight (like from the comic) i was working on with friskbits actually helping quiet a lot and a help_tale sixbones fight (again from the comic) both are almost done but also both have big hurdles i'll need to get past before i finish it, for tale's end it's just... writing, frisky is normally busy and i had major writers block, writing for what you may ask? the comic surely has most of what i need right? haha I wish, there are so many options and it all comes back to that stupid flower, i have like 20 endings based on if you kill or not and then reset and do a certain action, I have the main endings coded but the great flowey remembering my resets makes it way harder to actually finalize the sixbones fight is mainly the absorb stuff, as we never saw that in the comic so i sorta had to improvise and making it looks cool! but I'm sorta just winging it i guess i'm also working on a mettaton date, this one with an overworld, you know how alphys, undyne, and papyrus all got dates? oh and sans too sorta, well toby literally mentioned dating mettaton on the kickstarter and never delivered! so i'm doing it myself, date the sexy rectangle... eventually i'm still on the overworld stuff and need to finish designing mettatons room fully, i'd show some stuff off but i'm not sure how long it's gonna be plus this post is already hella long so just gonna cut this here and maybe talk about it later there is some other stuff here and there but it's mainly just ideas, I had an idea of something something deltatravelers something something OFF but i'm prob not even gonna do that, maybe i'll make some sketches or mock ups for it later but eh i wanna finish projects first i have too many on my plate currently I know a lot of people might be mad, that i'm working on other projects and stuff while im supposed to be working on sensetale, but I'm trying to improve skills and general get better at making the content so people can enjoy it more, and when i was ready i would try and work more on sensetale maybe remake the area do new poses make new characters or sprite something unique and cool, one of the reasons i don't post or even answer questions on this is i don't want to get people's hopes up that this will return soon, i really want it to return soon but I don't have the resources or time to commit to it I had a thought that maybe, I should make this a general au project stuff, so I can show off more stuff and see what people like but i've had 20 or so projects i've never finished. I wouldn't want to show all this cool stuff off and never deliver on it. But perhaps if that is what would everyone would enjoy more, seeing progress and stuff i'm working on, if people would be okay not seeing sensetale in favor of more content? just food for thought, i want to see what people think before i act.

[gemsofgreece]

I'd like to drop in an opinion of someone from Eastern Europe about this whole "West vs. East" thing that American, British (and sometimes French) media/public loves to put out, seeing that they are the absolute (if we aim for these definitions) West compared to South and East of Europe: those are completely inapplicable ideas stemming from the West alone.

Like, I don't understand why it's so hard for the ultimately Western countries to understand that hell of a cultural mix going on around East and South (respectively and individually, not mashed together) of Europe is not separated into the simple categories of West and East, especially not in the Western idea of a "progressive West" and "barbaric East"; a lot of our countries have always been Eastern-leaning and only got pulled into this whole narrative of Western society recently. And a lot of us are still only notably Western, being excluded on many occasions as not being Western "enough".

I'm sorry for such a disconnected rant, I hope my point ("Western idea of how West & East interact in Eastern and Southern Europe is absolute bullshit") was clear regardless. I'm happy to see you talk about this crap, I hope you take good care of your mental health. I can't comprehend the issues of the Greek state in terms of Western treatment of your country fully, but it's relieving to see that others are speaking out on the issues East and South of Europe seem to be both going through.

Have a lovely day!

Yes and also I am not exactly sure what “western culture” is supposed to stand for. More human rights? Blandness? Money? I always thought the financial and social progress and protection of rights in the West is a matter of many sociopolitical and economical parameters that are not the same to what a culture is. And like you said, this progress is fairly recent (in the long run of history) and it is not directly or straightforwardly linked to any particular culture or civilisation.

Culture does not operate in boxes, it is a fluid and continuous evolution of people’s expression and it does not fit into categories. The conditioning that occurs lately with which the west attempts to westernise East and South Europe is embraced by some people but what those people actually embrace is an opening to more short term opportunities for economical growth and social progress. This is why it is a sociopolitical phenomenon in its origin, except it has cultural repercussions as cultural influences are naturally invading alongside the welcome social reforms and they impact the younger or more impressionable people.

Since you wondered about Greece, its case is a little different. The way it is perceived in terms of cultural orientation is very funny and unique. Geographically, Greece along with Cyprus is the most southeastern culture of Europe. Politically and culturally, you will see that Greece is officially considered a part of Western Europe!!!

This placement is honorary. Yes you read this correctly; honorary! Honoured to be considered part of the west for being the good ol’ “cradle of the western civilisation”. Thank you so much. In short, Greece is an eastern place which everyone has silently agreed to mislabel as western simply because they dig the ancient influence that much.

Having said that, since the formation of the modern Hellenic Republic, the Greeks were indeed determined to more or less follow through with all the reforms and policies that would shape the society according to the western principles. This is why you will often see Greece ranking in between western and Eastern European countries regarding various social, political and economical markers. This all began even before the Greek revolution - the Greek nation had to adopt a western orientation in order to fight off the Ottoman Empire effectively and win the sympathies of west Europe. Most Greek expats of power had fully embraced and prospered in the western ideals of Europe and did their best to bring them to the Greek subjects of the empire. It would be thus unfair to claim the West actively forces the westernisation of Greece - Greeks have been consciously oriented towards the west all the last centuries. The problem is that the West stands bewildered before the various and potent eastern elements of the Greek civilisation - at times it chooses to ignore them and at times it demonises them (ie Byzantine Empire, which ironically was far more secular than many western nations at the time). The worst consequence of this is an effort to fabricate a strong bond to the ancient culture while expelling all the eastern elements as compromise for which Byzantine and Modern Greeks are responsible, distancing them from their heritage as a result. And the worst, many Greeks have internalised this, inevitably welcoming also unproductive influence like other Eastern Europeans.

The responsibility lies with the Greeks to understand that their culture does not fit any box the West feels comfortable with and it does not have to. I don’t care so much what westerners think as seeing young Greeks being clueless enough to feel sorry for not being “western enough” or thinking that eastern elements first invaded the culture with the Turks.

It can be said for so many countries that they are not leaning either eastern or western exactly in this made up spectrum and Greece is certainly among the ones that this can be said about the most.

Have a great day too! ☺️

[dreaming-marchling]

What if...

The keys to the Supra hadn't been in the car when Earl showed up at the garage.

Brian gets in the car but can't find the keys, so locks the doors and just hunkers down. Maybe Earl goes for a wrench or something and tries to break the window, but by then Letty is back with Vince and Dom.

Dom gets Earl out of there. But by then Brian is gone, he dissociates and is just non responsive. Dom gets the car open and is freaked out by Brian just not seeing, not hearing anything. Dom gets him out of the car and home but it takes Brian a bit to come out of it and he regresses hard to how he was a few months earlier. He's angry and afraid again and it all turns outward - he doesn't feel as secure as he did later in canon when he dissociated after the arm dislocation.

They bring charges against Earl for physical assault and for the property damage to the Supra and whatever else they can. They get the restraining order and maybe a short prison sentence.

Brian doesn't go back to juvie but he feels pent up and tense all the time. He starts having panic attacks. Dom is wild with worry and doesn't know how to reach Brian. Brian seems to be falling to pieces before his eyes and there's nothing he can do. When Brian hits 18 he just runs again - in his Supra. But Dom is able to follow.

Omfg, what are you even doing to me???

I LOVE THIS! It's never been a scenario I've considered before so that's even more fun. Introducing the dissociation before Brian has realized that he loves Dom and that he can truly trust him would lead to some major pain on all sides. A huge part of what helped him get through when it started happening again in BiL was having Dom to ground and comfort him (and it continues to be vital to him dealing with them where we currently are in the series). If Brian doesn't let himself have that after gone hits in MiT then the spin out would be horrible.

It's no longer really relevant to where we are in the story but I did always want to play with Brian running for longer. Him totally without support, without money, mental health just in the gutter, desperate to prove a point or make a stand that he doesn't even really believe in anymore but it's all he knows how to do. This would be beautiful for that. Just him totally reaching rock bottom alone and having to come to the conclusions that he came to in juvie (because they're vital to him being able to take the next step with Dom no matter how Brian gets to them) in a different situation where he's gone into it by active choice. He ended up in juvie again by accident and it enforced some thinking time vs Brian saying "nope, fuck this, I'm falling apart because of you I can't do this anymore" and having to realize that Dom wasn't the problem. The love he's offering isn't the issue. It's the past and that's never going to be something Brian can outrun.

The feels. Truly.

My brain is currently stalled out on MiT5 for the moment so this was exciting to think about. Now I want to write it, which is like "no, you have other MiT commitments, get it together" but also shiny new thoughts that aren't fighting me so... lol

Thank you!! I love hearing what your brain comes up with :)

[helpforhardcorepets]

Ah right I should probably give you guys a basic intro as to what Hardcore MCYTS are as well as some info about my Technoblade

Hardcore MCYTS are MCYTS illegally bred to have one life, as opposed to the normal three or unknown number. They’re made to fear death, always paranoid they’ll loose that one life. As a result of this, they are extremely effective fighters but the effect on their mental health is severe

This is where the MCC comes in. MCC is an underground MCYT fighting ring, where people will bet money on the outcome of fights to the death. It’s a very cruel place and many MCYTS there were bred to fight with ruthlessness. The owners of hardcore MCYTS tend to neglect them, seeing them as only a source of money. An MCYT raised as an MCC fighter tends to be very traumatized by the whole thing on top of the mental health issues caused by being hardcore

MCCS are illegal but for the life of me I don’t know why the government hasn’t cracked down on them. My guess is the organizers of MCCS have made a lot of money and are able to pay people off to not snitch or pay off politicians to let them slide.

Now about my Hardcore Technoblade. From what I’ve been told, he was raised from day one to be a fighting machine and nothing else. This Technoblade also has some DSMP breeding in him so he naturally already has to deal with a tendency to violence that is higher than other Technoblade’s

However, this MCC was special in that it was meant for two vs two. This Technoblade was raised with a Philza and, as I’m sure you all know, a Technoblade and Philza will bond very quickly. I’ve been told they were a close pair, from both the life threatening situation and being emerald duo

Then the Philza got killed :(

That’s also about when the Technoblade got rescued and I was asked to take him in. I did, he’s very quiet and has load of scars. He always keeps his sword on him and is very paranoid anytime someone is in the room.

I tried to introduce him to my Philza and Kristin but he unfortunate freaked the fuck out at my Philza. So now he’s in his own enclosure by RTgame and Kevin’s enclosure

He still hasn’t really opened up yet but I’m hoping that’ll change soon

[theninjazebra]

Three points I would like to see discussed in homeschooling conversations more -

1. The economics. Unless someone is making absolute bank, being a single income household is very hard, especially with children. It then can become a game of child's education vs parent's job, even a wfh job (or family business, which is an even bigger bog of money vs education). And this is just day to day costs, not including that if you want a good education without a school you need to $pend on extra curriculars. So $$ vs education.

2. The difficulty of teenagers and how easy it is for education to become a battleground when the very normal process of building an identity outside your parents, but still being young enough that you can't take full responsibility for your education. If a child is of an age where they're ready to start fighting about everything, school is the easiest battleground. Parents already have a HUGE influence on the development of their kid, from big things like values to stupid shit. Increasing the amount of time you have together tilts this dramatically, so when teenagers very normally, very healthily pull away it's even more confusing and stressful. So relationship vs education.

3. The state of the community itself. Everyone wants to believe that they are the exception, they will stay normal, but your life is so fundamentally different to other families that other homeschoolers become your community just because they have this in common. And oh holy shit, the radicalisation in homeschool communities is real and a problem.

It's that human nature drive to be The Most, that tends to pull groups of people to more extreme positions, and it's the nature of the people who choose to pull their kids out of school - you have to be very strong and independent, very intense. And that strength has a down side - prone to contrarianism, stubborn, inflexibility. They're oddballs, but that makes them vulnerable. Everyone needs community, and if you're hanging out with people more extreme than you it's easy to loose sight of where you are.

The starting position of homeschool communities is that schools, especially public schools, Are Bad, Worse Than Anything You Could Do To Your Kid (why they are The Worst depends on the homeschooler, and is kind of besides the point).

This line gets repeated so much, it's taken as just absolute truth. Again, the reasons are mixed, some are ideological, sometimes because of bad experiences (especially parents bad experiences). But anytime there's a problem, other homeschoolers, who become a huge part of the family's support network, will always, always encourage to Keep Homeschooling, Homeschool More, Homeschool Harder (or unschool! a different topic for another day). And anyone outside the community who has concerns is Not Being Supportive.

Having said all of that I met my bestest best friend through homeschooling. There are also some lovely, dedicated, smart, fun people in there.

(I've deliberately stayed away from specific ideology because that is a different conversation, and I think the above is relevant regardless of political leanings.)

There are many reasons to homeschool. There are also as many reasons not to. I think people should have as many options as possible, they know their lives best. But before defending it or pulling your kids from school, or begging your parents to homeschool, please think about the above. It can turn into a vicious circle of everyone's needs not getting met, leading to a bonus 4th thing -

4. Mental/physical health crisis. When you're living an unusual life poor mental health can be normalised or missed. I mean this more in a generalized "we are a bit overwhelmed by life, haven't got out enough, just tired, etc kind of way than a serious issue. These are the conditions that can breed a serious issue. Or a bereavement! Or job loss! Or illness and injury! Or any number of life stuff that can compromise the primary source of education for a homeschooled child. A good homeschool friend will help, but again, the community is a grab bag so they can also enable a lot of shit.

I dunno. I know people want to argue about socialization all day, but I think those discussions often miss some of the finer issues - and if you're being bullied (yo, i did go to school for a bit, and that was a really mixed bag) the kind of socializing you get is fucked anyway. Even as a homeschooled kid I've always thought of it as not better or worse than school, and I stick by that as an adult. But I do wish the money, and the parental relationships, the community as a whole, and definitely the health of parents and children was discussed more.

[floralovebot]

I think Riven was poor in the show... I think Riven hated Sky for being a prince too. They're fighting was because of that too. Are you saying that Riven did not hate Sky because he is a prince? Riven said a lot that he did not like Sky because he is rich and rich people are unfair. Please share your thoughts for me.

I'm pretty sure this is in response to this post? But let me know if not!

Anyway, Riven coming from a poor or even "middle class" background isn't canon, it's just a really good headcanon. I say it's a headcanon because when it comes up, it's always a vague implication that could also be about something else. Like his mother abandoning him could definitely have led to him growing up poor, but it's also not an exact confirmation. His mother leaving for money could mean they were poor, but it could also mean she just wanted More Money. Darcy saying he has "a darkness inside him" is likely about mental illness and trauma rather than him being poor and taking it out on the others (also anyone who uses this as an example just know i am beam blasting your house so hard). Riven calling out nepotism and classism could definitely be more personal but it could also be an example of his very high morality and moral judgment. (like riven is extremely intelligent and stands up for people in less fortunate situations a lot.)

Like,,, it's never directly stated that he's poor and the implications that people usually see could very easily be about something else. Kind of like the headcanon that Helia grew up at RF or comes from a military family; lots of good implications, but not canon. Or s1 implying that Flora could be a lesbian or wlw; lots of implications, but not canon. On the flip side, there are tons of things about Riven that are directly stated or directly implied (like his trust issues, issues with administration, his mental health issues, and even his mother leaving him). But Riven coming from a specifically poor background is something that's more often than not just an implication that could be implying something else. I'm not saying that implication isn't there at all, but it can definitely be read in other ways (for example, I've seen people headcanon that Riven comes from a noble family and hates classism because he's seen it up close). But regardless, Riven being poor is just an implication because it's not stated or shown in canon.

Also, I should note that my post wasn't about shitting on this headcanon. I like the idea that Riven comes from a poor background. It makes sense within canon, I do think it's implied (even some of the weaker implications are still fun to me), and I often use it in other headcanons and aus. But again, it's not Canon and his rivalry with Sky and the other specialists had a lot of components that aren't related to classism. My post was specifically about how the Sky vs Riven rivalry wasn't just about classism. Riven absolutely does not like royalty or the idea of different classes in general. However, his rivalry with Sky was never just about Sky being a prince.

Riven calls Sky out for having advantages over them, yes. Riven calls out the other characters for not knowing something, for being privileged, for nepotism, etc, yes. But his dislike of Sky specifically didn't stem from classism. Like I said in that post, classism was absolutely a factor but it wasn't the Biggest Factor.

Riven had a lot of internal issues in s1 and all of them played a factor in his rivalry with Sky. Sky being a prince was the icing on top. It really cemented everything that Riven thought of Sky before, but it was never the First Reason, the Big Reason, or the Only Reason. Riven didn't like the specialists because they were constantly undermining him, constantly insulting him (sometimes in a direct insulting way and sometimes in a "playful/joking" way), always assuming the worst of him, and never taking his side in literally anything. He also has extreme trust issues, felt like he would be better off alone, and used everything they said and did as a confirmation of why. Like s1 Riven had a really bad case of confirmation bias and was constantly looking for reasons to hate them (Sky being a prince was One of those reasons).

Like I said in that post, the Riven vs Sky rivalry had a lot of depth and both parties played into it. In canon, it was never just Poor Boy Hate Rich Boy. Sky being a prince and therefore having a lot of privilege was absolutely a factor in Riven's dislike of him, but it was never the only thing or the biggest reason. If Sky hadn't been the prince, Riven still would've hated him. Like,, that's important! Riven didn't hate Sky Just because he's a prince. He didn't trust Sky, hated that Sky looked down on him (regardless of their class standing), and hated that Sky "saw better in him". He hated that they were both extremely stubborn, irrational pricks who took it out on each other. He hated that Sky clearly didn't like, trust, or respect him.

And again, I really do think his relationships with the other royal and/or rich characters back this up. If Riven hated Sky simply for being a prince, that energy would've been directed toward Brandon first and it would also be directed toward Bloom, Stella, and Aisha. But it isn't. In fact, Riven often shows that he respects and likes Aisha! Even when he does call the other royal/rich characters out, it's never with animosity. It's usually in this, "yeah you're rich and dumb and privileged here I'll show you how it's done 🙄" kind of way. With Sky, it's more "i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate myself fuck off i hate you AND you're a prince god could you get any worse???". Yknow?

[thesibfiles]

Courtney going on tour right after?

Theres a misconception that after Kurts death, Courtney went straight on tour right away. This is false. The album was already set to release a few days after and they couldnt change that on such a short notice. Promotion for the album was cancelled and she pushed back the tour 4 months.

“Live Through This was supposed to provide Love an opportunity to step out from her famous husband’s shadow. “It’s annoying now, and it’s been annoying for nine years, Love said in a 1999 Jane Magazine interview of always being connected to Cobain. Released four days after Cobain’s body was found, the album’s promotion was put on hold. Rather than retreat from the public eye, Love openly mourned and helped fans of Cobain and Nirvana make sense of the singer’s death. She sat with grieving teenagers gathered outside the couple’s Seattle home and recorded a reading of parts of his suicide note that was played at the singer’s memorial that gathered near the Space Needle. In the days following his death, Love showed a very raw and emotional side and admitted that, like many fans, she didn’t have all the answers. 

It was, and still is, impossible for people to discuss Live Through This without noting the irony of the album’s title. Love has said the name was not a prediction at all, but instead a reflection of all she had endured in the months leading up to its release, including a very public custody fight with the Los Angeles Department of Family Services over daughter Frances Bean. Rumors suggested that Cobain had written much of Live Through This (it’s Miss World, not Mister, just FYI). “I’d be proud as hell to say that he wrote something on it, but I wouldn’t let him. It was too Yoko for me. It’s like, ‘No fucking way, man! I’ve got a good band, I don’t fucking need your help,’” was Love’s response to critics in Spin’s oral history of Live Through This. Love and Cobain often shared notebooks and lyrics with each other, and while there is talk of Cobain’s influence on Love’s work, or the writing of all of it, less is mentioned in the press of her impact on his lyrics and music. Rather than sucking all the life out of Nirvana or threatening the success of the band, like many assumed she would do, she inspired Cobain. Fun fact: In Utero, Nirvana’s last album, was named after a line from one of Love’s poems.

Sadly, songwriting rumors would be replaced by other rumors. Women are often vilified and condemned for the deaths of their male partners. Love, like all women, was supposed to save her partner from death and addiction. Fans of Cobain projected all their anger and resentment over the loss of the Nirvana front man onto Love, and soon she was blamed for not only his addiction but also his death. There are even two movies devoted to the theory that Courtney killed Kurt: the awful Soaked in Bleach (2015) and the equally awful Kurt & Courtney (1998). If you think we’ve come a long way, baby, sadly we haven’t. 

One year after Anthony Bourdain’s death, Asia Argento is still being blamed, and in September 2018, Ariana Grande had to take a break from social media after fans blamed her for the death of her ex Mac Miller. A few months later, she would be blamed for new beau Pete Davidson’s mental health and addiction issues. It’s amazing she finds the time to write hit songs what with all the dude destruction she has going on. When women are not being blamed for the deaths of the men in their lives, they are being attacked for not grieving properly. “She wasn’t crying. She’s got $30 million coming to her. Do you blame her for being so cool?” a hospital staffer said of Yoko Ono following John Lennon’s murder in 1980. 

About four months after Cobain’s death, Love went on tour to promote her new album. Some questioned and judged why she would go on tour so soon, but Love has said it was a necessity. She had a young daughter to support. She needed to work. She also, sadly, still needed to prove herself. “I would like to think that I’m not getting the sympathy vote, and the only way to do that is to prove that what I’ve got is real,” Love told Rolling Stone in 1994.

Twenty-five years later, Cobain’s death still hangs over Live Through This. In the days leading up to the anniversary of Cobain’s death, former Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur wrote an open letter to music magazine Kerrang saying she “would not stand for Kurt’s death overshadowing the life and work of the women he left behind this year.”

“We were extremely well designed for each other,” Love has said of her relationship with Cobain. In a letter reprinted in Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, she calls him “my everything. the top half on my fraction.” The two had similar upbringings, both came from broken homes and spent childhoods shuttling between relatives and friends. They both grew up longing for love and acceptance. When we tell the story of Kurt and Courtney we talk about drugs and destruction, but we don’t talk enough about love.

The two also shared an intense drive and ambition. “I didn’t want to marry a rock star, I wanted to be one,” Love said in a 1992 Sassy interview. Evidence of her drive can be found in the many notes and to-do lists she kept, some of which are collected in Dirty Blonde. There are reminders to send her acting résumé to agencies, to write three to four new songs a week, to “achieve L.A. visibility.” A scene in the documentary Kurt & Courtney features an ex of Love’s reading from one of her to-do lists, which has “become friends with Michael Stipe” as the number one task to complete (not only did Love do this, but he is her daughter’s godfather). This ambition is not surprising from a woman who, when she was younger, mailed a tape of herself singing to Neil Sedaka in hopes of getting signed. Love knew what she wanted at an early age, and what she wanted was fame.

She was certainly living by the “do not hurt yourself, destroy yourself, mangle yourself to get the football captain. Be the football captain!” motto she championed in the 1995 documentary Not Bad for a Girl. Ambition is often a dirty word when it is used to describe women and Love is no exception. She has been repeatedly described as calculating and controlling when she should be rewarded for her blond ambition and viewed as an inspiration. Critics and the press often call her a gold digger who only married Cobain for fame and money. They fail to mention that when the two met Pretty on the Inside was actually selling more copies than Bleach, Nirvana’s debut album. Even post-Kurt, Love’s intentions were always under scrutiny. On the Today Show to do press for The People vs. Larry Flynt, Love refused to talk about her past drug use, despite the host’s repeated questions, saying the topic was not an appropriate fit for the show’s demographic. She was right, but it didn’t stop a writer from describing the move as “calculating” in a 1998 Spin piece.

Cobain was ambitious too; he was just much slyer and more secretive about it. He was known to call his manager and complain when MTV didn’t play Nirvana’s videos enough, and he would correct journalists who misquoted the band’s sales figures in interviews. While success is typically celebrated and rewarded for men and it certainly was for Cobain, he also had to be mindful of the slacker generation that loved Nirvana and greeted success — and especially mainstream success —

While female celebrities like Love are criticized for their rebellion, male celebrities, like Cobain for example, are celebrated and mythologized for it. Cobain and Love both struggled with addiction, but it is Love who is repeatedly vilified for her drug use. “She was vilified for being a mess, for being a drug addict, for not being a great parent — in other words, all of the things we expect in a male rock star,” said Bust magazine in a piece in the magazine’s 20th anniversary issue, which featured Love on the cover.

We make jokes about the drug antics of male celebrities from Keith Richards to Charlie Sheen, idolizing their debauchery and depravity. The new Netflix/Lifetime movie by Jack Daniels, The Dirt, about Mötley Crüe, takes the band’s excesses to almost comic levels. Check out crazy tourmate Ozzy Osbourne snorting a line of ants by a hotel pool! Such zany antics! I would love to see Lindsay Lohan try to get away with that. We never allow women to live down their arrests and their addictions, but we repeatedly allow men to have a redemption arc. Robert Downey Jr. was in and out of jail and on and off drugs for much of the mid to late ’90s, but we rarely, if ever, talk about his past.

When Love isn’t being attacked for her addiction issues, she is being judged for her parenting. Love’s first unflattering press was “Strange Love,” the much publicized 1992 Vanity Fair profile by Lynn Hirschberg. While the piece talks at length about Love’s drug use and constantly questions her parenting ability, it doesn’t paint Cobain in the same light. “It is appalling to think that she would be taking drugs when she knew she was pregnant,” says one close friend in the piece. Hirschberg relies on many unnamed sources and focuses often on the tabloid-like aspects of Love’s life and addictions. “Courtney has a long history with drugs. She loves Percodans (‘They make me vacuum’), and has dabbled with heroin off and on since she was eighteen, once even snorting it in Room 101 of the Chelsea Hotel, where Nancy Spungen died,” she writes. “Reportedly, Kurt didn’t do much more than drink until he met Courtney.” (Even when it is reported by Kurt and Krist that Kurt tried heroin in 1989, way before Courtney, It was also known that he smoked weed and used caugh syrup to get high in 1989 and 1990.)

This double standard was common in coverage of the couple. In Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, the 2015 documentary by Brett Morgen, Love asks her husband, “Why does everyone think you’re the good one and I’m the bad one?” Later in the film we see a scene of Frances Bean’s first haircut. The child sits on Cobain’s lap while Love searches for a comb and scissors. The camera shows Cobain nodding off, and while he maintains that he is just tired, it’s clear he’s not. The scene is painful to watch, especially because those around Cobain carry on like nothing in wrong, giving the feeling this is just like any other day in the Love-Cobain household. The scene is a reminder of how the press treated Cobain’s addiction when he was alive. They just carried on like nothing was wrong, instead directing all their judgement at Love.

[downtonabbeyrevisited]

Season Two Episode Two

Following a typically chaotic opener, Episode Two of Season Two strikes a far more sombre tone. The arrival of Henry Lang as Robert’s valet brings the first of this episode’s three plot points that address the impact of WW1 on the mental health of its soldiers. There is nothing funny to say about either shell-shock or suicidal ideation both of which are vast, complex issues that, for my money, Downton Abbey isn’t the vehicle explore in (because they require more time and depth than the pace of the plot in Season Two affords) and it certainly isn’t my place to make light of them in this rather irreverent corner of the internet. So I’m going to have a go at treading a fine line here. Forgive me if I stumble. 

Lang is clearly in the grips of something awful and yet in an attempt to avoid the indignity of having maids in the dining room, he is bumped up to footman duty. He struggles throughout, culminating in him depositing his cargo on Edith’s dress. Mrs O’Brein has firmly taken Lang under her wing, recognising that he is struggling and offers him assurance and comfort that she has never gifted to Thomas. 

Across the Village, Lieutenant Edward Courtenay is in the hospital having been blinded by gas. The use of gas (both chlorine and mustard) had a devastating impact on soldiers in WW1 but was also the root of the development of Zyklon B. Frtiz Haber, a German Jewish chemist, enabled chlorine gas to be used a weapon in WW1 and his research was later developed into the Zyklon process which was used by the Nazis to murder millions, including his own family. This is only one of a dizzying number of appalling ironies to be found in the World Wars but as I said last episode, I’m not a military historian so I’m going to leave it there. Edward had plans to return to the country after his graduation from Oxford to pursue the simple life (although one gets the feeling that his idea of the pursuit of a simple life will still be one that is very well upholstered). Thomas has taken it upon himself to read Edward’s letters to him and  together with Sybil is helping him to adjust to living life with a different set of parameters. But growing pressure on the hospital’s limited capacity means that he is to be transferred elsewhere. All three voice their dissent at varying volumes to Major Clarkson who falls back on the very real backlog of wounded men. After Edward has died, Major Clarkson, Isobel and Sybil talk about a renewed need for the Abbey to become a convalescent home, an idea that has been bubbling under the surface for a while now. Meanwhile, Thomas has been left on his own to process both Edward’s death and the implications of witnessing a lack of support given by his own physician to those with depression.  

The usually reliably jovial Mrs Patmore also has a more somber episode with her pursuit for the truth about the death of her nephew Archie. Robert finds that he has been shot for cowardice. Not only does this mean that her family is in mourning but they will now have to navigate the stigma and undue shame that came with having a relative die in this way. So entrenched in British life was the derision levelled at those who were shot for cowardice or desertion that it was only in 2006 that pardons were offered by Britain for 309 of those that were executed by firing squad during WW1. I know I said I’d leave it there with the military history, but that felt like an important bit of context. 

We are now in 1917 and Matthew is still in the same trench that he was in 1916 (a detail I hadn’t actually noticed until I got the screen cap for this) so it looks like his strategy of downing tools mid-fight and continuously popping back to Blighty for important plot developments isn’t really paying dividends. Perhaps the addition of William to the ranks will help him? William certainly seems to think so and if the speed at which he moves through the various stages of his ‘relationship’ with Daisy is any indication of his tactical prowess, the British Front will not only be well within Germany’s borders but will be breathing down Russia’s neck in a fortnight. In any other episode, this would certainly get the award for oddest relationship dynamic but Sir Richard Carlisle exists. 

Sir Richard makes his debut at Downton, having been introduced in name only in the previous episode. He and Mary met at Cliveden which is a regular haunt of mine, giving me hope that one day I too will from a strategic alliance with a newspaper magnate. He may know how to talk his way around a boardroom but he is lacking in the sartorial department. Whilst Sir Richard manages to avoid catching fire in his tweed, Lavinia is not free from the heat as he threatens her with his connection to her uncle. He may not know much about navigating the niceties of Downton, but at least he has cottoned on to the fact that any major disagreement should occur under a specific tree. Whilst Mary’s signature move is weeping into her gloves, Sir Richard’s is grabbing women by the forearm. A female friend of mine told me that one of her favourite things about the pandemic and the compulsion to keep 2m away from anyone (and not just emotionally) is that she has not been ’steered’ by a male hand on her lower back since 2019. It turns out that she can enter and exit rooms just fine on her own and I get the impression that Lavinia could get the gist of Sir Richard’s rage without the vice like grip of a man probably about twice her age. 

Twinned with the ’tree of emotional conflict’, the ‘platform of romantic uncertainty’ provides the backdrop for Sir Richard’s proposal of marriage to Mary which is a declaration that really feels like it should come with a series of well-formatted charts. Mary’s heart, however, is still very much with Cousin Matthew. After being counselled by Carson in a type of conversation I cannot imagine her ever having with her father, she is on the verge of coming clean with Matthew. But in the second round of Lavinia vs. Mary, Lavinia declares that she ‘could not go on living’ without Matthew and Mary winds her neck in. 

Also having a romantic entanglement this episode is Edith. Drake, previously of dropsy fame, has lost his farm hands and Edith turns up to offer her help in a wildly unsuitable trouser and heeled boot combo. But she soon gets down to it by pulling up a tree stump and flirting in a barn whilst a rather lovely border collie looks on (I’m currently trying to talk myself out of getting a border collie and this incident has done nothing to help things). After showing Drake that she can drink from a bottle like literally every single other human on the planet, the two share a kiss and some highly awkward dialogue that only slightly resembles ‘Carry on Downton’. 

Whilst Edith is more than happy to crack on in a barn, Mr Molesley is much more backwards about coming forwards. Apparently having predicted the creation of ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’, he figures that a book is the perfect kindling for romance when you exist in a glossy depiction of the past. Sadly neither Elizabeth nor her German garden can lure Anna from Bates who is fast shaping up to be schrodinger’s boyfriend. Anna proceeds to make some odd analogy where she compares Mr Bates to her moon-based child, revealing a rather unhealthy amount of codependency in that particular relationship. 

Romantic declaration of the moment 

Again, it feels like anyone but Sybil and Branson should get this but I am an agent of chaos and here we are. Branson defends Sybil’s will to work and has ample opportunity to see her shine in her chosen field. The admission that she will not be returning to her old life is a little chink of light that Branson basks in. 

Expressive eyebrow of the week 

I nominate Carson’s entire face when he realises that he has taken on too much and goes an impressive shade of red. As Carson frets about spoons, sauce, and something I can’t quite fathom, he starts to resemble a man who is re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Carson’s battle to get a cork out of a bottle and knocking into chairs is a warm up to his rather dramatic collapse which is accompanied by a pretty disturbing groan. Sybil springs to action and he is soon efficiently ensconced in his own quarters. 

Wait, what? 

“I got a lot done on the train” Clearly Richard was on a train that was unencumbered with the wifi issues that plague the Pendolino.  

“It takes a good deal more than that to shock me.” Mary’s shock-o-meter is a pretty odd instrument. It is unresponsive to corpses of diplomats but goes into absolute meltdown at the notion that she might have to live in a cottage. 

“Let's hope my reputation will survive it.” I’ve not checked (and I categorically never will) but I would put money on the fact that someone has created a rarepair out of this. 

“How can Matthew have chosen that little blonde piece?” Is Lavinia blonde? Women’s hair is not really my forte but I would have thought she was more akin to Tim Minchin than 1998 Justin Timberlake. 

“I believe in this war. I believe in what we are fighting for.” William seems to have a better grip on what all of this is about than I ever did in high school history. The ‘A’ that eluded me is heading his way. 

“I thought he might've died for love of you.” How I love snipey Thomas. It’s good to have him back. To borrow a quote from Bottas (another man who is currently living a life in which his destiny is his own demise) ‘traditions’. 

“Fold it in, don’t slap it” The more season two goes on, the more I think that Moira is just an amalgamation of some choice elements of Julian’s kingdom. 

[iraprince]

i spend most of my time on twitter, not here, so i’m not really sure what the landscape looks like on the dashboard here vs the timeline there and i don’t know how much info is getting crossposted. so in the meantime i’ll share some resources that have been posted over there to support the protests and the blm movement at large!

overall i recommend starting with this google doc. it has tons of links both to direct action options like donations as well as links to further resources and reading and numbers to call to directly pressure officials for justice.

it’s also ideal to try to find trusted local groups in your area who are doing on the ground work and support them directly if at all possible! also keep your eyes on hashtags and social media and look for individuals in need via venmo/cashapp/etc (but be vigilant and cautious; there are people creating fake accounts trying to take advantage of this situation. vet profiles before donating, reverse image search profile pics, and make sure your money is going to people who actually need it.) many artists are doing commissions/sketches in return for donations; if you are an artist or have any other skills that can be marketed in a similar way, that’s something you can do to draw in more donations than you’re able to provide on your own.

DONATIONS

thread of mutual aid funds to donate to

diversified master list of places to donate, including grief and trauma groups for black communities and individual gofundmes. this is a HUGE thread and the organizer asks that people go through the whole thing and try to donate to newer posts at the bottom as well as the higher-up posts that have already gotten a lot of attention

another donation masterlist organized by type and location, along with additional resources

page for splitting a donation between many bail funds at once (some bail funds, like the minnesota freedom fund, are currently [02/june/2020] overwhelmed and are asking people to redirect their funds to other organizations. please do your own research on which needs are most urgent before donating.)

BEAM, the black emotional and mental health collective

northstar health collective, a fund for medical supply and support for protests. they accept both cash donations and donations of first aid supplies

black led lgbtq groups to donate to for pride

ON THE GROUND SUPPORT

infographic on which apps are secure for organizing

things you can do to support protests at home if you can’t attend

resources for bystander first aid training -- there is a LOT of misinformation being spread about treating bullet wounds, reacting to tear gas, etc. do not trust information from random individuals online. seek out first aid information from reliable sources and study it so you’re prepared beforehand.

sanitation protocol for direct action during covid-19

EDUCATION

a comprehensive google drive folder with tons of readings about black history, prominent black figures, and the historical and continuing struggle against white supremacy

google drive folder of black revolutionary texts

anti-racist resource guide -- very comprehensive, includes lists of organizations to connect with and books/documentaries/podcasts/articles to consume

compilation of BLM resources

list of black owned bookstores to buy your reading from!

if you, like me, are nonblack, we have a responsibility to make sure this is something we continue to pay attention to and contribute to even when it’s no longer at the forefront of the news cycle. again and again these murders fade out of the public view. think about ways you can make support for this fight a part of your regular routine -- not something we only think about when another murder has made it onto the news. 

we must set aside money each month for reparations when we can. we must stay actively informed so that we find issues that need support before they make their way onto our screens. we must support and publicize the black community’s successes as much as we support them in times of tragedy (support and amplify black creatives, support black owned businesses, etc, and don’t only do it when the news cycle is full of murder and brutality). we must confront antiblackness in ourselves and in those around us every single day. this doesn’t go away, so we have to stay on it.

[selkiesbittybonanza]

Hey, sorry if im bugging ya, i just wanted to check up on you. See if your feeling alright, or at least better than your last update (this is probably weird to see from someone you dunno, my bad about that, normally im a bit of a lurker cause im afraid of bothering people n such) if your not feeling well enough to answer then thats fine, do whatever you can to help yourself get through everything (and if need be i can send ya some get well doodles or pics of some dogs n cats in my family to wish you and the rest of your family well health and healing from your dearly departed) holy heck i made this long, sorry! Have a lovely day!

I want to say how flattered I am to receive an ask like this... I’m touched that people still think of me despite my lack of original content.

I’ve taken a few days to come up with a response, how much information is too much? How much detail do I want to share vs how much I feel my followers are entitled to? (Don’t worry, I know I don’t have to share anything I don’t want to.)

I’m sure many of my followers have noticed that I still reblog UT art and other media to this blog and my personal blog because I still LOVE this fandom, LOVE bittys, and love being the person behind this blog.

My health this year has been a cascade of diagnosis which have affected me mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m happy to say that as of now I think we’ve hit on the right balance of medication that will keep me healthy. But that doesn’t mean the damage that has already been done will just disappear. I’ve got multiple organ damage including (minor) brain damage. This damage is all reversible; all I have to do is take my new course of medication and let it build up.

I’ve been lucky that none of this has made me miss much work - but work... is it’s own kind of stress. My workplace has made huge changes to adapt to the pandemic and it’s a continuous balance of learning and relearning protocols and applying what I know TODAY to helping my clients while keeping everything straight. It hasn’t been easy. And it’s hard to be the face/voice to represent a lot of anxiety and resentment while feeling those same emotions myself.

Emotionally? Well my health issues have taken a toll there, too. I’ve also lost 3 important family members since the pandemic started, none of them to COVID but it certainly affected HOW they died and HOW my family and I could mourn them.  Same with my pets, I had to say good bye to my 3 year cat this weekend. Cancer. Too far gone to fight. AND I WOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR HIM. I had enough savings to fight HARD... but all the money in the world wouldn’t have been enough. I couldn’t be with him at the end, COVID protocols and I’ll carry that regret and anguish with me forever. 

So now me and his brother cat are... adjusting.... to the new normal of our home. I keep wanting to come back to this blog and every time I feel the courage enough to come back something ELSE slaps me down. The brain damage has taken a toll on my concentration, it’s harder for me to come up with stories than it used to be. I don’t have a timeline for any of this. Things could still get worse. But things could get better - and I’m trying to keep that hope going. Take care of your Blood Pressure, kids! 

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I’m probably parrotting to the wrong choir here, but at least part of the truth about liking villains vs. condemning villains is...I don’t consume villain content in order to find healthy coping strategies and genuine life advice. I don’t look for healthy coping strategies in sci-fi films and fantasy books or on ao3 in the first place, because 99% of all that input is not produced by people that a) intent or b) are qualified to give meaningful life advice.

 Sometimes things we read or watch can be detrimental to our mental health or can make us happier or mean a lot to us. And that is also why it is important to tag, warn, and summarise content: So that people can avoid things that are bad for them and find things that comfort them. But what popular fiction never is, is a clear, intentional, professional, and universal guide.

 We already talked about how even the most horrible people will read novels where they resemble the bad guys and identify with the good guys instead rather than reflecting their own behaviour. That is, because narratives need stakes. The hero needs to be David, not Goliath. And we too see ourselves as Goliath, in our lives. Because there are always things that are bigger than us. And because we know that David will win.

 But sometimes...sometimes it is quite nice to feel like the giant. Especially when we’re used to feeling small.

 Sure “I like this villain because villains get to do things we want to but can’t” might seem like a tiny brained answer, but if you expand a little, there is truth to it: Sometimes I want to see someone go bloody ape-shit in response to trauma, injustice, being underestimated or forgotten. Sometimes I want to see someone just care about themselves and burn the whole place down and look fabulous doing it, because I know, that in real-life, very often it is sympathy and empathy holding me back for even insisting on minor and very rational things, simply because I don’t want to be a burden on others and because I prioritise other people very highly. There is catharsis in that; in seeing someone getting it out of their system in the most violent way possible just like there is catharsis in going for a run or punching the hell out of a punching bag when you’re frustrated even though you would never chase down and beat up a person.

Because even when see characters standing up for themselves - think of the infamous internet rage over Captain Marvel stealing that bike from the dude that harassed her – their actions are usually centred around punishing the culprit, not the emotions of the party that was wronged. But people got angry. Not because she stole a car, or because she stole it from a men even – but because her acting in response to sexual harassment connected the scene with deep roots of social context and political opinions and expectations.

And, despite hundreds, maybe thousands of films in existence where a white male protagonist steals a car or bike or anything else to save the day, she is read as a villain here simply for doing the rational thing. Much less could she have killed him and burnt down his house, because she is a hero and it doesn’t serve the plot and that would not be the thing a hero does.

A villain burning the whole joint down because someone looked at them funny is acting selfishly, self-centred. But what are you going to do, call them a villain? Duh. Complain about how what they’re doing is wrong? Well, yes.

 The lane of their actions is not narrowed by the actions of the culprit on the one side (heroes have to react appropriately and proportionally) and the expectations of the good-guy on the other (they have to act in accordance with forwarding the plot). Which means putting up with an asshole sidekick or apologising if they undergo character development that makes them a ‘better’ person and requires them to forgive someone). You might have your odd Logan who will throw a punch when he’s pissed – but here we already venture into the territory of an anti-hero.

And personally, our anger, our disappointment, all that will always be much more contained than any fictional space - by our financial situation, the people we depend on, our job, our studies, or family, our social circle. We live in a web of social expectations that we depend on every moment of our life.

Fiction itself also exists in a web of social context: What influence does it have on the audience? Will it sell? What implications does it have? How does it present its characters? Who is the author and what do they stand for? - but the fictional space, aka the world constructed in a novel, is wholly separate:

If I write a novel where I state that every Canadian person likes the colour blue and wears funny hats, then this is true in the universe of that novel, no matter what any Canadian reader might feel about it. This means two things:

1.       As writers, producers, and even as producers of fan-content, we have to be critical about what we put into the world, because by creating a fictional space, we create characters who cannot stand up against the things we say about them or make them do. Just like the superheroine in the skimpy outfit who gets her powers through the sun shining down on her nipples cannot have an authentic discussion about her body. And when young girls read our comic and see that all the male heroes are clothed and the heroine isn’t, then we are the one that came up with the sunshine-nipples.

2.       Our very own, personal interpretation of the novel – even our own - and the way we relate to it is our own. The feelings we project on the characters are individual, personal, and shaped by us.

And yes, villains usually see their comeuppance. And the thing is, many people argue here: “Well, it’s okay if the villain does x, as long as they’re punished for it.” But...that’s a difficult subject. A piece of fiction can condemn the actions of the villain without seeing them lose – the challenge to the writer is to still form a satisfying narrative, because the villain winning is the ‘likely’-seeming thing that every narrative subverts when the hero levels up and returns with her new friends to kick the villain’s ass. But even if you sympathise with the villain, seeing them win would still be an unsatisfying narrative, most of the time.

Because the whole point of an actual evil villain - and sympathising with an actual villain - is that what they’re doing is unjust. Malicious. Selfish. And projecting your desire to strike back or stand up on a villain and seeking catharsis through seeing them go wild and tear down the city needs the pushback. For them burning down the house to be satisfying, you need to see the house burn. For them to blow up the house of parliament to be satisfying – you must see the explosion.

And watching them lose provides the ultimate, necessary gravitas. Watching Team Rocket fly off with Pikachu and live happily ever after on Team Rocket money would not be satisfying. Watching our super-villain burn the world to a crisp with their death-laser would not be satisfying if they just end up getting their rocket and flying off while drinking space-mojitos.

Whether they end up being redeemed or not: The initial moment that someone fights back and defeats them at the height of their immorality and prevents the suffering of innocents is the moment that their willingness and readiness to commit violence is put to the test.

 We know the hero goes through a journey of their own - one that requires sacrifice and steels their commitment until they are ready to take on the villain. And knowing that someone is willing to make sacrifices to be able to take the villain down is the ultimate acknowledgement of the transgressive act the villain committed. Without it, it would be empty. Like watching someone punch the air.

But the truth is also that when you recreate the fictional space in another, secondary space – fanfiction, fan content, fanart – you decide what to focus on. Like, we all enjoy hurt/comfort stories, but they have a different intention than something focussed on action or the growth of the hero – because that requires for us to see the villain go down. The focus is no longer the transgressive acts of the villain – but to lay bare the pain that caused them. It is no longer about beating them down for the sake of justice.

Like, when I make a post about Frankenstein’s monster living happily ever after and people tell me that hey, the monster killed a lot of people - then we have a different premise. Because me not adding a line about the evil things the monster did to my post was based on the premise that you knew that random tumblr user langernameohnebedeutung does not condone the crime of murder because she posts about a 200-year-old book. And the #fact that my point doesn’t construct an ending where the monster stands in front of a judge and is sentenced to a certain time in jail or punished by a more heroic person is because I have daddy issues and seeing a giant creature go on a rampage through Europe to get back at its asshole Dad in a way I never could makes me quite happy the novel focussing on its acts of violence already did this and my post clearly had a different intention.

[thoriffix]

Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌

ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories

my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol

the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant

the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀

sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes

shows!

julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall

lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see

the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!

i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol

schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!

good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)

movies!

the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good

it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film

love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance

the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!

games!

night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)

tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)

other media!

the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good

the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep

theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!

[sunsetsover]

Tbh from what I've seen people on stan tumblr and Twitter are being a lot more understanding and protective of Callum than they have been of Ben in similar situations, I suspect because Callum's actually getting a Named Mental Illness and because him and his actions are more easily put into the Sympathetic Sufferer category. That to me is one of the most telling parts so far tbh!

that has LITERALLY always been the case and i've always had the same suspicions as you like callum exhibits 'good'/'acceptable' symptoms that tend to be more clear cut ?? like nightmares, panic attacks, doing things to hurt himself etc are much more Obviously a sign of mental illness vs the symptoms ben exhibits which ppl can (and do) attribute to other things i.e. his personality. he's drinking himself sick and gambling all his money away because he's selfish and reckless, not because that's the only way he feels he can cope. he starts fights he knows he can't win bc he's a mitchell, not bc he's trying use other people to hurt himself. he doubts callum's love and commitment bc he's self absorbed and full of self pity, not bc he has clear abandonment issues that stem all the way back to his child hood and his self esteem is so fucking low he doesn't believe anyone COULD love him and want to be with him. i could literally go on all day.

the saddest part is that this is exactly how ppl react to real ppl w mental health issues. whether ppl wanna admit it or not there are absolutely 'acceptable' symptoms and 'unacceptable' symptoms. callum tends to sit on the acceptable side while ben sits on the unacceptable side. that's why callum generally gets the 'omg poor baby 🥺️ i'm so sad' while ben got the 'why tf is he behaving like this? it's so unfair he's so selfish he's being an asshole :/' and that's also why callum can get away with it when he DOES stray into the 'unacceptable' side. everyone's allowed a fuck up now and again. but ONLY now and again.

(to a certain degree this could also apply to isaac too but that's a WHOLE different conversation but the point is looking at how ppl treat certain mental health symptoms vs others)

to be very clear tho i'm not saying ANY symptoms are any worse/better than any others, i'm simply saying that there are symptoms that are generally acceptable and there are others that aren't. example from personal experience: my mood drops and i'm depressed and won't leave my bed or do anything ?? acceptable. but my moods drops and instead im angry and im trying my best not to take it out on other people but im still a bit snappy or got a bit more of an attitude than normal? the world might as well be ending.

i will say tho, as far as i've personally seen, people have been a lot less accepting than i thought they would be. and i think it's partially bc he's straying a lil more into that unacceptable territory by lying (and i personally think he'll stray more into that territory as the sl progresses bc u know. mental illness isn't pretty) but also bc ppl cannot for the life of them remove their ballum lenses and look at callum's sl objectively. all they're caught up on is why callum went to whitney instead of ben, and why he'd lie to ben etc etc. so while yes i 100% agree people tend be way more sympathetic and understanding w callum compared to ben, i am still surprised by how harsh some ppl have been already. and it's only going to get worse so. we love that!

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Welp I think I've lost Em as a friend. Which is surprising considering the petty bullshit tantrums she tolerates from the "Your boundaries victimize me" girl. Story time? Sure. Why not.

So you guys know that I'm on disability. I make $1k a month & that amount decreases when The Spawn turns 18 in about a year. I also have an epic amount of dental work that needs to be done because no matter how well I care for my teeth, they just crumble. At 35, I'm very much in danger of losing most of them, but in my state you have to pay for separate dental insurance & frankly I can't afford it. Realistically, I could literally only pay bills for a year & then would maybe be able to afford the work but by then my mental health would be so shit that I wouldn't care.

Well, as they were scarfing down a quart sized bag of my chocolate drizzled kettle corn each, the kids brought up making the kettle corn into edibles using a cannabutter style coconut oil, since I use coconut oil to thin the chocolate anyway & The BF has a large network of people who would buy it since he previously was a pot dealer. (Still not legal here.) I told them I'd think about it.

I was bouncing the idea off of Em the other day but my major barrier is making the oil because the recipes I found all required baking the green to dry it first and that ain't happening. She excitedly suggests a friend of her bf who is making it. I ask her to research pricing so I could think on it.

Next day she comes back with pricing. I tell her thank you & that I will get back with her after some research & calculations. (Basically how much each sandwich bag full will cost to make vs how much they would go for. The profit margin was... significant.)

Later that evening I text her saying I'm going to move forward with it. She says ok.

The next day (yesterday) I wake up to a text saying that she, her bf, & the friend had a talk about it & they don't think it's a good idea so they won't be selling to me. I responded with "Cool." And planned to leave it at that and deal with my feelings about it on my own. But she keeps sending message after message about how she knows I'm frustrated with her & she's sorry. Like even after i text that i wasn't frustrated with her, I was frustrated about the situation. She just KEPT ON.

So finally i said "I'm frustrated with a situation where I, an adult, in a fucked up financial situation decided to take a very calculated & well researched risk out of desperation so that I can afford to have a fighting chance of saving my teeth, which are rotting out of my head. You jumped in, offering to help, then suddenly overnight you, who should know enough about me to know I never go into anything without copious research, & 2 other 20 somethings I've met once who know fuckall about me, have decided you know what's best for me. That's super cool. Absolutely dope. Especially since the 3 of you have no clue what it's like to be in my position. It would be different if you had told me he just decided not to sell to people he doesn't know. Disappointing, but understandable. But no, this was about me in particular. And I know you roll your eyes about The Spawn's ideas to monetize shit I already do, but that's her way of trying to help. She knows how fucked up my finances are & how much I'm neglecting certain issues because of it. So she tries to find ways for me to make extra money without absolutely annihilating my already crumbling body or exhausting me further. She's actually being incredibly thoughtful. Are all of them feasible? No. Was this one? Yeah, absolutely. So yeah I'm not frustrated with YOU in particular but how this situation was handled & played out."

That was yesterday morning & she's not said a word since. I sent Dad screenshots, asking if I was harsh. His response was "I think you were incredibly diplomatic considering how wrong & messed up that situation is."

The Spawn's response was "What the actual fuck? Your friends fucking suck. What kind of know it all, self righteous fucking hubris do these people have to think they know what's best for you, the woman who over researches over prepares & plans for every possible scenario? Even I know better than to think that."

So that's a thing that happened. 👍 Tune in next post for my light bulb moment about why my right knee has been so fucky lately.

*sigh* just don't fucking reblog or otherwise steal this goddamned post. Christ pate on a cracker.