#Mh rocky

[dolorum-magne]

A sketch of Alex I did this morning as well as a small drawing of Amy and Alex taking Rocky on a walk (might turn that second one into a digital piece because I think it’s cute)

[rattfreakk]

I might make human designs for the mh pets.

[drrealityslenderverse]

Into the Ark pt. 112

Doggo page! Two random search & rescue pups, Alex's dog Rocky, and Seth's dog who I've decided to call Midas! (also, irl screenshot of Seth's dog below cut!)

<- Previous

Next ->

Beginning

Joseph posted a pic of the irl dog on the anniversary livestream earlier this year, so that's what I based Midas on! The name however, I came up with since a canon name wasn't given.

[theood]

[yumenosakiacademy]

awww it was going so well w me not having 2 block any1 whod rbed my latest mhy/k gifset til now wompwomp.. what was it, like 45-46 notes in or smth? still p good of a record.

[flannelshirtandjeans]

I designed my own Monster High ghoul doll! She is the daughter of Näkki, a water spirit that can camouflage itself as rock or driftwood and drowns people who are careless in water. She is Finnish, loves metal music and coffee, and cares deeply about sustainable fishing practices and protecting lakes and ponds and rivers. Her pet is a skeletal seal pup, who once died in fishermen's nets, but was brought to a new life by Lumme's sadness and anger. She's a part of the metal club at MH, but doesn't play or sing, more just enjoys listening to it and bonding with her fellow students. She my seem quiet and reserved, but won't stop talking if you get to know her properly!

Some design notes under cut:

Also I'd like to add design notes to this:

- fishing nets and hooks & related things are a big design note in her doll because she did almost die by drowning stuck in a fishing net, and she has Feelings about questionable fishing practices.

- there's a permanent tangle of netting around her neck to represent the way she technically died

- her purse is a glass float

- her hair is a light ashy blonde-brown - dirt road brown as we call it in Finland, which is a common hair color in Finland, with accents of darker brown, green, and blue.

- blue eyes, cloudy iris, dark eye whites. Netting eye-shine

- her base skin tone is a light grey, but she has rocky camouflage and birch-tree camouflage on her limbs, ears, and forehead to represent her camouflage/shapechanging abilities

- Luunappi is a skeletal "kuutti", baby northern ringed seal, who died of getting stuck in nets, and Lumme's anger and sadness at the injustice magically revived it

- frappe bc Finns drink ridiculous amounts if coffee per capita but I didn't want to give her straight up black coffee

- Karelian boo-strie is a Karelian pastry but made to look like a fish with big teeth

- her object heel is a fishing loom stone, a type of a fishing weight

- her phone is not an iCasket bc she's _Finnish_ and obvs reps Nokia instead. Hence Noakiasket

- sea glass bottle bottom sunglasses. Seaglass is frosty so that's a little funny for sunglasses but listen.

- the CD is "Nemo" by _Nightfish_ which is obviously a silly riff on Nightwish, which is a Finnish metal band, and she loves metal (Finland has so many metal bands. We just really love metal.). I decided on a CD-player purely for nostalgic reasons.

- "Land of a thousand lake monsters" refers to Finlnd, and you can see the shape of Finland on the cover. Finland is called the land of a thousand lakes, so we probably have a lot of lake monsters too.

- yellow comes a little out of nowhere for this, but I like raincoat yellow and it reminds me of fishers, so I can have it.

[have-you-seen-my-sanity]

Hiiii, just a thought: Poe with an inexperienced reader... there's so many Poe fics out there, but I haven't read this kind of before 🤔

Of course I can do that, Poe's a sweet lad to write that for. <3

Don't be afraid

Poe Dameron x fem!reader

Warnings: P in v, a bit of fluff, nsfw, smut, oral f! receiving, wholesome.

The Resistance was finally able to settle down and get some much needed rest, some were still doing their duties, but most of them were just relaxing. Poe and you were currently in a small cave further away from the temporary camp, ever since you came together there hasn't been a lot of alone time, so you two made the most of it now while everyone got to take a seat back.

Poe was already kissing his way along your jawline, with his hands roaming over your body, snaking their way down to slip underneath your shirt, "You're not uncomfortable here, are you?" He asked, pulling back to look into your eyes.

"No, but can we go a bit slower?" You replied with a concerned face, hoping this wouldn't hurt his feelings.

Poe smiled warmly, "Yeah, of course." His hands immediately slipping out of your shirt as he leaned back in to resume kissing your neck and collarbone. A few moments later Poe pulled back again, "Hold up, are you..." He trailed off but you knew what he was about to say.

You shook your head, "No but I haven't had much experience with this." The heat in your cheeks rose and you tried to hide the creeping blush.

"That's okay." Poe smiled, kissing you softly before he discovered the slight blush on your cheeks, "Look at you, you're blushing!" He cupped your face, nuzzling his nose against yours and grinning from ear to ear, "Am I getting you all heated up, honey?"

"No, it's the planet." You lied, laughing.

"The planet got hot because of me, sweetheart." He grinned, moving his hands to grab your lower back and lowering you slowly but surely backwards on the rocky ground. Some rocks pressed against your back, causing you to shift into a more comfortable spot.

"What's wrong?" Poe asked, leaning over you.

"The ground is hard as hell." You replied, getting comfortable in your new spot.

Poe leaned in close to your ear, whispering "Well, the ground isn't the only thing hard as hell here." you could practically hear the grin in his voice as he said that. He began working on your pants, gently opening them and pulling them down to your thighs. Poe got back on his knees, pulling your pants off and throwing them back before peeling your panties off of you and spreading your legs.

He lowered himself dangerously close to your aching core, his hot breath hitting you "Wanna feel what I'm the best at?"

Poe didn't even gave you time to respond before he went in to lap at you, slurping up your juices.

You instantly folded into him, tangling your fingers into his loose curls, "Oh god, Poe!"

Poe looked up at you, his mouth curling up at the corners before "Keep doing that." Poe moaned, his tongue thrusting into your leaking pussy, making you tug at his hair.

"You're so good at this, Poe..." You moaned, already starting to see stars.

Poe pulled away, admiring the mess he made of you while you let out a needy while at the loss.

"Now you're nicely wet for my cock." He unzipped his pants, pulled his rock hard cock out and positioned himself between your legs.

"Ready for your first time with the hotshot of the Resistance?" He asked, pressing his cockhead against your slippery entrance.

"Yes." You nodded, before Poe pushed his girth inside you with a swift thrust, stretching your channel nicely.

"Fuuck, Poe~" Your eyes lulled back, feeling him move within you.

Poe groaned, pulling back to leave only the tip inside and thrusting back into you, burying himself completely "Such a tight pussy you got there.." He speeded up, hitting your spot with every deep thrust.

"I can feel you getting close." He grunted.

"Mh-mm, yes I am~" You let out a needy whimper as his cock brushed against the spot again, causing you to arch into him as you felt the pleasure swelling up.

"I'm getting close too." Poe grunted, pounting into you, feeling you tightening down more on his cock, "There you go, let that sweet pussy milk my cock, come on."

"Poee, I'm about to cum!" Were the last words before your pussy clamped down, gripping onto Poe like it didn't wanted to let go.

"That's it, here it c-comes.." Poe's hips snapped into you and he came hard, emptying his load inside you. "That was perfect." He murmured, lowering himself to lay on top of you with his face buried in your neck as he pulled out and rolled to the side.

After a while of calming down you broke the silence "Is there wildlife on this planet?" You asked, looking out into the lush-green covered surface.

"We saw some fluffy bird looking things with claws." Poe replied, resting his arms behind his head "They look scary but they are actually quite curious and a bit shy."

"Did you met some?" You looked back at him, getting another blanket from the bag you brought.

"Yeah, those guys came up before you got here, Finn and Chewie brought some pork meat and they showed up." Poe rolled onto his side, seeing you all curled up in the blanket. He couldn't help but smile, "Well, and Finn fed one of those and a minute later there were like 5 of those showing up."

"Oh, they sound like some pretty good company then." You laughed.

Poe snorted, "Yup, until Chewie took the pork with him into the Falcon and locked himself up in there so he could eat in peace." He chuckled.

"Aww, Chewie didn't share with Finn?" You laughed.

"No, Chewie was pissed at Finn and forced him to eat from the supplies." Poe scooted closer to you, "Let me get in there, I wanna cuddle up." He tugged on the blanked.

You chuckled, lifting the blanket for Poe to get under it too and cuddled up to him "You know it's already getting dark right?"

"I know but we can sleep here. We will tell the others we were too drunk to get back. Who knows maybe one of those birds will show up and join us. Or maybe eat us, I dunno." Poe laughed, pulling you close against him.

"Poe!" You smacked his shoulder playfully who only smiled and squeezed you in return as he was about to drift off, "Come on, shut your eyes and get some sleep, sweetcheeks." Poe smiled, running his fingers through your hair.

The gesture made you melt and withing a second, you drifted off into sleep, curled up against Poe, who made you feel warm, loved and safe.

[creepypasta-fan-page]

“Ice-scream„

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

-:Jeff the killer: Mango ice cream is his go to. He usually puts Chamoy in it. Masky thinks that is absolutely disgusting. Now Jeff goes out of his way to make sure he eats it when Masky is in the Manor.

-:Eyeless jack: Jack is a Cherry Garcia guy. He doesn’t like chocolate or super sweet sugary things so the sweet fruit ice cream flavors are his favorite.

-:Laughing jack: Cookies n cream. He can’t help the fact that he has to stick to his aesthetic. He also may just really like the Oreos in the ice cream…

-:Jane the killer: Orange sherbet ice cream. She prefers popsicles but some sherbet every once in a while is nice.

-:Sally Williams: Chocolate! She really likes the taste and it’s been her favorite since she was a baby. It was also the first ice cream flavor she ever tried.

-:BEN drowned: BEN is an average discord MOD. Mint chocolate chip. He thinks it makes up for not brushing his teeth.

-:Slenderman: He doesn’t eat ice cream. He eats kids. But he prefers the ones that haven’t gotten a vaccine.

-:Masky MH:Like the old man he is, pistachio. Literally no one understands why he likes it. It was just a popular flavor when he was growing up and he grew accustomed to it.

-:Hoodie (MH): He likes salted caramel flavored. Bonus points if there are caramel chunks in it. He also gets annoyed when people pronounce it “cara-Mel” and not “car-Mel”

-:Ticci Toby: he’s a slut for coffee flavored ice cream. He loves the smell and isn’t aloud to have coffee so it’s a win-win for him.

-:Clockwork: Clockwork was raised in the outskirts. She can’t help it that Rocky Road is her favorite. It has multiple different flavors packed inside, who wouldn’t love that?

-:Nina the killer: Neopolitan. She either mixes all three flavors or eats them individually.

-:KageKao: Matcha. Since he is Japanese he grew up eating a lot of matcha stuff. He prefers the strong matcha over the sweetened.

-:Bloody Painter: Oh how he loves some blueberry ice cream. He also only eats ice cream in those chocolate dipped cones.

-:X- virus: Our neighborhood science freak loves ube flavored stuff. That purple potatoe flavor just gets him everytime.

-**Special~

-:Lane the Lurker: Lane kinda gives me moose track vibes. The vanilla ice cream with crushed Reese’s and fudge? Sign him up.

Lane the Lurker is an OC by @raythekiller ❕

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

[oldwritingm]

Creepypasta/MH - How They’d Ask You Out

Characters: Eyeless Jack, Nina the Killer, Clockwork, Jane the Killer, Tim/Masky, Brian/Hoody

Eyeless Jack

I don’t think it would take him too long to ask out someone he liked

As long as he was sure that he really did like them, and that they didn’t hate him or anything, he’d be comfortable at least asking

He would bring flowers for sure

He’d show up at your door late at night, bouquet in hand

“Would you care to join me for a walk?”

You’d stroll through the woods, talking a bit about yourselves

It’d be a pretty deep conversation, both of you staying serious as you exposed vulnerable parts of yourselves

He’d hint at being romantically interested in you, but he’d wait until you were back at your house to pop the question

“You’ve probably noticed by now, but I really do think you’re amazing. I’d love it if you’d be my partner.”

If you say yes he’ll be absolutely radiating joy and he’ll promise to treat you well before bidding you goodnight

If you say no he’ll understand, thank you for your time anyway, and disappear into the night

He’s okay staying friends, but he’ll be sad about it for a while

Still, your companionship is more important to him than being yours

Nina the Killer

It won’t take long at all for her to ask out someone she’s interested in

As soon as she knows she can trust them, she’ll go for it

She’ll use something homemade to actually ask the question

Like a kandi bracelet that says “be mine?”

Or maybe a cake she baked herself

Either way it’s bound to be something decorative made with lots of love

She’ll find you at school/work/home and tell you she has something to show you

She smiles hugely when she reveals her little project, but inside she’s buzzing with anxiety

“So..? What do you say?”

If you agree she’ll literally drop whatever she’s made and throw her arms around you

She will proceed to take you out shopping to buy something to commemorate the occasion

Matching shirts, bracelets, a new piercing, maybe even a pizza to share

Just a little something to celebrate :)

If you say no she’ll be devastated

“Oh… well, thanks anyway…”

She probably won’t talk to you for a while, if ever again

Clockwork

She’d have to know you for a VERY long time beforehand

She has trouble trusting people, as well as trouble finding someone she’s genuinely interested in romantically

You’d know pretty much everything about each other by the time she decides to ask you out

That just means that she knows the way to your heart though

She’ll make a beautiful sketch of you

Maybe there’s some gore incorporated, but hey, if you’ve stuck with her this long you’ll be used to it

You’ll be hanging out one day, her drawing and you distracted by something else, and she’ll suddenly tear a page from her sketchbook

She hands you the drawing while saying:

“Hey, Y/n, so… I really like you. You’re my dream partner. I want you by my side always.”

If you agree to be her partner, she’ll grin, turning back to her sketchbook with a little pinkness on her cheeks as she mumbles “cool”

When you leave she’ll peck your cheek before slamming the door in your face, giddy that she had the courage to do that

If you reject her, she’ll frown

Probably won’t want to be friends anymore :(

She just doesn’t want to be around someone she loves knowing they don’t love her back

Jane the Killer

I think it depends on the person when it comes to Jane

If you guys click really well, she’ll probably try to advance the relationship quicker than if your relationship started off rocky

But either way she’s going to plan something romantic

She’ll buy you something nice and deliver it in secret

Like, one day you’ll just find a box of chocolates or a necklace with a note attached telling you to meet her someplace

Personally I like to think it’d be a blossoming cherry tree, or perhaps a scenic overlook

You’ll find her there waiting for you, hands fidgeting nervously behind her back

She’ll get straight to the point:

“Y/n, I like you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but if you do… wanna be my girlfriend?”

If you accept, she’ll get a huge smile and run over to you, throwing her arms around you and twirling you around

You’ll sit together at the scenic location for a while, leaning on each other with your fingers intertwined

If you decline, she’ll just nod with a sad smile

She’ll be sad for a while, but ultimately she’s got other things in her life to worry about, so I don’t think she’ll wallow for too long

Might keep talking to you, might not; again, it really depends with her

Tim/Masky

Another one who’d have to know you a while first

He needs to make sure he trusts you, yes, but he also needs to start trusting himself around you

Once he’s sure that you can both handle yourselves, he’ll take more time to hype himself up to do it

He questions bitterly whether you’d even accept if he did ask you out

Eventually he gets so exhausted from the constant will they/won’t they in his head that he spontaneously blurts out:

“Do you want to go out with me?”

You’ll be taken aback; you guys were literally just chilling in silence

Plus he would’ve given next to no hints that he liked you at all

If you accept, he’ll sigh, slouching severely in relief

Finally some peace of mind… and heart

He’ll murmur a thank you for giving him this peace, but won’t elaborate

If you decline, he’s going to beat himself up about it so hard

He won’t blame you at all; no, every ounce of blame is going into the anvil that he’s crushing himself with

Probably won’t want to keep contact for much longer

Your presence is just a constant reminder of (what he sees as) his failure

Brian/Hoody

He didn’t know you for too long before deciding to ask you out, but he knew a lot about you

If he’s interested in you, he’s going to find out everything he can

He prefers outside sources, but if he absolutely cannot find something he wants to know, he’ll begrudgingly just ask you

That being said, he knows how to charm you

He’s a pretty naturally charming person regardless, but he wants to do something special just for you

He’d leave a gift for you; something he knows you love

Jewelry with your favorite gemstone, your favorite flowers, a nice new fluffy blanket… something on the luxurious side

Plus a note saying:

“Y/n, please be mine. With love, Brian”

He’ll approach you later and ask for your response

If you agree, he’s got a whole nice evening planned out already, and he’s more than eager to take you on this first date

If you decline, he’ll probably “cut contact”

I use quotations because he’ll probably still keep tabs on you in secret for a while

He’ll get over it eventually, but until he does that’s his way of coping

Thank you for reading!! Take care of yourselves pumpkins <33

(divider by saradika)

[littlepikmins]

Something I really like about Bernard is the rocky relationship he has with his parents. TD: R shows just how demeaning they can be to him (I can just imagine the amount of small mean comments they've said to him overtime and then later homophobic ones as well). And yet Bernard still tries to save them from Firefly and Phobia.

Despite how they've treated him, Bernard still wants their approval and cares about them and that seems very real to me. I won't get too into personal stuff but that's similar to mh relationship with my mom and despite the awful things she's said to me in the past, I still find myself sometimes longing for some kind of motherly comfort, even though my mom is not the type of mother to offer that. I could see Bernard struggling with both his parents in that way as well. Wanting their approval and love, despite knowing they aren't healthy for him to be around.

[tortillasconsal]

Day 1. Cold Breakfast

Ssssssuuuuper late, but I didn't miss it so it counts

My first idea was EJ eating some fresh organs from a cold dead body, but I figured it was too predictable so I switched it up to Tim and Brian eating some cold Hot Pockets 👍

I like it bc I have an excuse to babble about these two in my AU

Disclaimer: I want to keep most of the MH lore intact, but I can't promise I'll be very exact on the events that happen since I don't know much about the series other than what I learn from YouTube video essays.

So here, they're not Slenderman's proxies but they have an interesting relationship with him, especially Tim. From what I understand Tim has cought Slenderman's attention since he was very young and has been following him close for a very long time, I like to interpret this as Slenderman becoming fixiated on him and growing desesperate to have him as one of his most loyal followers.

Hoodie survives de events of MH and joins Tim on his journey to I-don't-know-where. They now engage in a never ending roadtrip trying to escape from The Operater and his Proxies (and also hiding from the cops). And while they're at it they do their best to investigate about this damn demon and see how they can escape him for good.

They don't have any meaningful relationships with the rest of the characters, they actually don't know anybody else besides their chasers. At most they would know about certain killers from around the country, but that's it. Not even other supernatural entities like LJ or Slender's brothers.

All they know so far is that they have no one else to rely on but each other.

So we're starting rocky with this piece. I had lots of crisis working on this because I haven't done anything this finished in a very- very long time. I wouldn't call it the greatest piece I've made but I'm still proud of it, like I said- it's been a while since I have done a full piece with shadows and lights and backgrounds and everything, so it's nice to see that I could do it in a day.

I might have to tone the effort down for the rest of the month so I don't burn out too soon. I'm so excited to see what I do tomorrow!!!

[nattherat96]

Cut him some slack, he's trying!

But for real though, I thought it would be cute if Rocky tried to sell an I ❤ LD T-shirts to help support Miss M.

The heart is just a poorly-drawn Rubberhose Rocky doodle.

The LD has two meanings.

Little Daisy

Lady Dionysus

However, there was also also a copycat that stole his idea to make an I 🖤 MH T-shirt.

The MH was meant to be Maribel Hotel (with a heart-shaped Marigold flower) but somehow Mordecai Heller became the mascot because his initials are also MH. (Blame the Savoy cult members.)

Also the other shirts Rocky drew is one of Zib and one of Viktor.

A doodle of Zib sleeping in an awkward position as his name consists of a discarded tie, a cigarette and a saxophone.

This one is how Rocky doodles Viktor.

[mouthsfullofsharpteeth]

hm. monster high mh au. what monsters/cryptids whatever are they atlas?

what an EXCELLENT question omg omg omg i love monster high, this is perfect

there are literally so so so many possibilities of what could fit them, but heres my general list

alex- gargoyle. hes stone faced, cold, and has got a helluva chip on his shoulder. his dog is named rocky. plus i think he would look hot in that kind of design. the gargoyle designs go HARD

i know everyone normally says werewolf for tim (just like alex is usually a vampire) BUT if this is a monster high au then im gonna think outside the box and say

tim- boogeyman. if youre familiar with twyla, i think he would be pretty much like her, except he would be the introvert side instead of shy side of this meme

going on,

brian- zombie, though im hesitant and can be swayed to something else. i just think it sort of fits his hoody vibe. shuffling and grim and sulking in graveyards. dirty and leaves in his hair. he would make suchhhh a cute zombie, especially if he combined parts with a frankenstein monster situation and stitched his limbs back on and got electricity boosts!

jay- invisible man. like invisibilly. he uses his powers for evil and for stalking and stuff. its awesome. he pranks alex so much and alex hates it HSDKJGFHKGJ

jessica- skeleton. reference to her dynamic with skully in the comics, plus i feel like it just Fits her

seth- voodoo doll. i know the character hoodude voodoo was technically "made by frankie" and wasnt "born" like the rest of them, but just consider this: white doll reference, and brian makes him? is this anything?

amy- ghost. reference to her haunting the narrative of season two marble hornets. also she totally fits being all floaty and creepy and ghoulish. i think she would be some kind of banshee type ghost. very horrifying and screamy. ohohoho this is good stuff.

sarah- im gonna say vampire, BUT she would look a lot more like a batsy claro style vampire with wings and stuff, she isnt pink like draculaura or valentine.

[thebindingofpillo]

Hi! The previous anon who asked about your bio here. Kind of random but I'm curious what the fav ice cream flavors of the cast are. And since I'm bored, I'm gonna give my guesses Isaac: Chocolate

Magdalene: pistachio

Cain: Vanilla Judas: hot fudge Eve: Cookies and cream Samson: strawberry Azazel: rainbow sherbet (not ice cream but seemed fitting idk why Lazarus: black walnut Eden: Prob doesn't eat but if i had to guess butter pecan Lilith: doesn't like ice cream but gets chocolate chip cookie dough for Fwendy Apollyon: believe they were confirmed to not eat in an ask years ago but if they could uhhhhh strawberry Bethany: Mint chocolate chip Jacob: peanut butter Esau: ghost ice cream Neapolitan

all of these were just done off of vibes and little to no thought went in to them

Hiiiiii I love all of these, tbf I haven’t really thought about their favourite ice cream flavours either but it’s fun! Here’s my thoughts. Disclaimer: I don’t really know a lot of American ice cream flavours lol

Isaac: he’d probably like chocolate ngl. A bit basic but alright. Nothing that stands out too much. I feel like he would also like vanilla. Either that or something stupid like bubblegum. He’s too done to care, he’ll get whatever he pleases lol.

Magdalene: something rich like salted caramel, or a very fancy vanilla. Rocky road. Cookie dough. Or all of the above, together. She has a huge sweet tooth and likes mixing and matching.

Cain: He likes it simple, so I guess vanilla could go. Or rum raisin because he’s an old man.

Judas: doesn’t really like sweets in general, so he doesn’t really have a favourite ice cream. If he had to choose he’d probably go with coffee or something not overtly sweet, like pistachio or dark chocolate. Always gets the smallest cone/cup available.

Eve: isn’t really one for sweets in general unless she’s feeling really down, in which case she’d eat a whole tub in one sitting. Likes chocolate chip, but when she’s feeling especially shitty she will branch out with stuff like caramel, chocolate etc. always with chunks tho, she loves chunks.

Samson: I know Americans make a difference between ice cream and gelato but I literally never knew what it was. Anyway Samson likes gelato. Probably cherry idk. There’s a super good cassata gelato at my local supermarket and I feel like he’d like that one but I don’t really know how to describe it lmao.

Azazel: another sweet tooth. I feel like he wouldn’t really have a favourite flavor bc he’d like way too many to decide. He’s always loved human food and is always down to try anything. I feel like he’d be interested in more uncommon flavours like popcorn (idk if its common over there, but I’ve never seen it here) or that raspberry and rosemary one i tried once. Or sea salt. WAIT almond ice cream with dried figs. That’s the one.

Lazarus: I have no idea how black walnut would taste. But I trust you.

Eden doesn’t eat, you’re right, but they might partake in the Human Activities from time to time. And when they’ll become human (spoiler) they’ll get to try a lot of different things! I feel like they’d have a very limited palate tho, kinda like a small child. So nothing too complicated, like strawberry.

Lilith: STRAWBEBBY one time I had a very good strawberry float with prosecco and it was so her. Fwendy would appreciate the cookie dough chunks tho, they can munch on them together u.u

Apollyon can’t eat :( but he’d like very basic flavours. There’s a flavour over here called fiordilatte that’s even more basic than vanilla, it literally tastes like milk, I think he would like that.

Bethany also strikes me as a mint chocolate chip girlie, I can see that. Lazarus knows that and always keeps it in the freezer so she doesn’t have to go without u.u

Jacob: mhmmmmmm very hard to figure out. I don’t really remember if he liked sweets or not, but peanut butter strikes that balance of not too sweet but still great so I can see him liking it.

Esau: isn’t Neapolitan like three flavours together mhmmmm he feels like a frozen yogurt kind of guy. With extra protein and fruit toppings.

[ufo-thetimesareripe]

BLC-1 may be an intelligent non-human signature (from MUFON Newsletter)

Simon Holland, a NASA-linked filmmaker, claims insiders have told him two groups of scientists are racing to publish reports claiming a technological civilization is right next door to us orbiting a planet around the star Proxima Centauri just 4.25 light years away from Earth. It is part of the Alpha Centauri three-star system. Discovered in 1915 it is too faint to be seen with the naked eye. It is a red dwarf. It is known to have one planet and possibly two more. What is special about planet Proxima Centauri b is that it orbits in the star’s habitable zone and is a rocky world just slightly larger than Earth. It is capable of sustaining liquid water on its surface.

Radio Signals dubbed BLC-1 were first discovered in 2019 and thought to be either human interference noise reflected from our atmosphere or a natural interstellar source. Reanalyzing the signals now suggests they exist in a narrowband electromagnetic frequency at 982 MH that could suggest a technological origin. That frequency lies outside normal parameters for known natural sources. Oxford University Scientists are working with Australia’s Parkes Radio Telescope and Mark Zuckerberg’s Breakthrough Listen Project. Dr. Andrew Siemion of the Breakthrough Listen Projectmay have tipped off Holland as to what is coming. Siemion has stated that the signal is, “undoubtedly one of the most intriguing signals we’ve seen to date". Holland believes that Chinese Scientists working at the Five Hundred Meter Aperture Spherical Telescope (FAST) is also readying a paper for publication claiming that BLC-1 may be an intelligent non-human signature. So, is disclosure just around the corner, or will we find out in the next few weeks that we have been served yet another nothing burger?

Credit to Bob Spearing

[majesticwren]

due to high demand - me. I'm high demand. this entire project is being written entirely for my pleasure, be warned I'm being extremely self-indulgent - I've decided to write a little prequel to the events that take place here. this is set in 2018 and is the beginning of Fletch x OFC. billy will have his own little prequel at some point. enjoy.

Trigger Warning/s: OFC is her own trigger warning she is damaged goods and slightly toxic and emotionally unavailable, mention of addiction, mention of heroin abuse, mention of sex, mention of trauma, angst, mainly friends to lovers/impossible relationship dynamics.

nuclear season: part I -> | part II -> | part III -> prequel: <- part I | <- part II | part IV -> Masterlist

Beginning of April 2018

Erika sat on the porch swing, comfortably curled on herself. She was slowly rocking herself, naked foot pressed on the wooden patio floor, as she enjoyed the sundown of that exceptionally hot evening. She sipped on the cup of homemade peach iced tea she was so proud she made, deciding to accept that as something small to be grateful for today.

She was melancholically watching some of the neighbour’s kids playing on their familiar street. Their excited little voices, breaking through the evening, mixed with the noises of the place she called home. It was music for her soul. Something that resonated through her, always reminding her where she came from. She didn’t need to like Brisbane, to always have her inside compass pointing to it.

Her gaze cruised over the street cutting across the residential uptown area she grew up in. She could see herself, as clear as day, wearing her new pink helmet, on her birthday, learning to go on her little pink bike as Mark taught her how to ride all afternoon. And then again, when she was just a little over twelve, he did the same teaching her some skating tricks. She remembered how they used to walk over that road together every morning and every evening, as he was used to getting her to and from the bus stop to go to school or practice. Later, years later, she could still see them two sitting side by side just outside their garden, on the pavement. Erika had touched her first rock bottom and had asked him for help.

“You look so sad, honey,”

Erika huffed softly, moving her attention to her mother, who looked over her from the other side of the porch. She was still wearing her straw hat and was holding an old empty flower pot, in her cute gardening outfit.

“I am ok,” Erika tried to reassure her, offering a small smile, stretching on the swing. “I promise.”

The woman softly chuckled, putting the vase down and removing her gloves, walking to her, “What mother would I be if I believed you when you have a broken heart?”

Erika simply smiled, making space for the woman as she sat next to her.

For years, Erika had convinced herself to resent her mother for the flat life she thought the woman had. The life many would consider a good life. Housewife, happily married to a good man, carrying a family, caring for the house and herself. And Erika, especially in her teenage years, hated her for it. Considered her stupid and much worse things.

She was a sweet woman. A good woman. A good mother. And Erika still had to find the courage to apologise for how difficult she had been and how rocky she made their relationship. Not that her mother ever expected her to. That woman still loved her, Erika was her child and she never missed an opportunity to remind her. Though it was stronger than her, Erika felt more awkward than anything else around her.

It was shame. It was inadequacy. It was everything she regretted, knowing her mother was one of the many victims she had taken down in her path of destruction over the years.

“Mum,” Erika sighed, looking away. “Please, I am fine.”

“Mh,” Erika felt the woman looking at her with the wisdom of someone who just knew better, “Mark called. Again.”

Erika flinched.

Her chest was still broken. It was undeniable. Her heart was in a thousand pieces. Thinking about her brother hurt her too much. It was still such a sore, open wound. The longer she spent apart, the more it felt as if she was missing part of her.

After what happened, Erika left. She left the job at RevPro and she left England for good, not saying a word. Not leaving a message. She changed her phone, her number, everything and tried to continue with her life.

The only thing she dared to do, breaking her own rule to become a ghost, was to steal one of Kyle's t-shirts. Just because she wanted to have something that smelled like him. It didn’t carry his scent anymore, now, but she still kept it safe under her pillow and slept hugging it or wearing it.

When she disappeared without leaving a trace, she knew Mark lost his mind about it. Especially in the first forty-eight hours she spent flying over to Australia. But she wasn’t interested in his concern. When she landed and surprised her parents, she didn't care whether or not they had let Mark know. It wasn’t her responsibility to make him feel better.

She hadn’t talked to him in a couple of weeks. And she had no intention of doing so. Not yet. She wasn’t ready.

There was so much she needed to fix before she even decided to consider forgiveness. But, like it or not, he was always there with her. She’d see him around the house and in all the familiar places they grew up together. And he’d still be her voice of reason, even despite the terrible things he had said the last time they spoke.

Her anger had calmed by now, leaving behind only pain. Pain, she had to learn to deal with. It wasn’t something she had done before. Before, she would have tried to do anything to numb it, cancel it, erasing herself in the process. Even this time, as soon as she landed back home, she went close to embarking on yet another self-destructive trip. She was there. She almost went to see her old friend who’d always have a fresh fix for her. But this time, differently from ever before, Erika understood consequences and she just knew she would have seen the end of it either in a hospital or six feet under.

So, she was learning to deal with her emotions being clean. She was learning to become her own person, doing a lot of healing and mending in the process. And it was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. However, there was no other way forward. She needed to fix herself to fix it all.

She was still mad at Mark, and she would have been mad for a long time. But he wasn’t the only one she was upset at. She was angry at herself for proving him right. For doubting her own choices and abilities. And for having caused pain to the only person she was supposed to love. And she had no intention to let self-doubt ever bring her that close to ruin her life again.

“I don’t care,” she finally replied, shaking her head. “I don’t want to know.”

“He is so worried for you, honey. You-”

“Mum,” Erika snapped in a gentle warning, looking over to the woman by her side, “Please, leave it alone. Please. You don’t know what happened and you can’t understand it. I am not ready.”

“Then tell me what happened, sweetheart. Help me understand,”

Erika's chuckle was dry, maybe even cruel, even though she didn’t mean it to be. “You can’t understand,” she simply said, shrugging. “Ask your son to tell you what he did.”

“I did.”

“And?”

“He cut me off.”

“See?” Erika chuckled, shaking her head. “Leave it alone, mum. It’s ugly and it’s between us.”

“I can’t stand having my two children not talking. You were so close. It was my only joy,”

Erika had to bite her tongue and think twice before abruptly replying. “No,” she gently placed a hand on her mother’s. “Mum, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you for kicks. I won’t tell you what happened because I can’t have the responsibility to put you in a position to reconsider your son’s worth or choose sides or whatever.”

“After everything you have done, I still consider you so highly, my child, do you think what he did is worse than that?”

Erika took no offence to her mother’s honesty. She wasn’t wrong, after all. “To me it is,” she simply replied, “It is a matter between me and Mark, and we are both adults, we’ll figure it out, one day. He’s still my brother.”

Her mother cupped her face in one hand, making her look at her. The two looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, as the older woman smiled softly at her. “I am proud of the woman you are becoming. I am sorry it is all so painful to you.”

“I’ll be fine, mum. Thank you,” Erika squeezed her hand.

End of April 2018.

“Mum?” Erika called as she entered her childhood home. “Can I have a hand?” She wondered, balancing herself as she carried as many bags of groceries under her arms as she possibly could. “The car is packed full. I’ll help you put it all away, I promise,” she still chirped moving through the still big house, receiving only silence in response.

As Erika moved to the kitchen, she finally began to hear two low voices chatting from the back porch. One was her mother, who now was chuckling the other Erika couldn’t recognise. In the background, she heard the noise of the lawn mower too, but it was far enough she wasn’t sure if it came from her garden or the neighbours’.

She left the grocery bags on the counter and popped her head out the door, looking for the two women with a certain urgency and curiosity. They were both comfortably sitting on the two garden chairs on the deck. Both wore sundresses, facing the pretty garden her mum was so proud of, sipping on fresh lemonade. They both watched closely the young-looking gardener working at the end of their lawn, cutting the grass.

“Hey,” Erika began, quickly losing interest in the view the other two seemed to be so lost in. She didn’t even want to think about it too much. “Was looking for you,” she hinted to her mum, “been talking to myself a while.”

“Hello honey,” her mother chuckled, “I’m sorry, couldn’t hear you from out here.”

“Is this her?” The other woman wondered, looking at her mother first and then back at her. She studied Erika with such interest she felt the need to shy away.

“Yes,” her mother too looked up at her with certain pride in her eyes. “She is so pretty, isn’t she?”

The second woman smiled, nodding silently. “Pardon me, sweety, you are probably wondering what kind of rude manners I must have, I am Pamela, and I live a few doors down, pleased to meet you,”

It was beyond Erika. The way the woman spoke, sitting in her lovely yellow dress, with her legs elegantly crossed and her glass of lemonade at hand made her think about a sophisticated housewife from the sixties. She still smiled politely, trying to mirror the approach that the woman was showing her. “Nice to meet you too, I am Erika, but you must know that already. You must be a friend of my mum’s?”

“Yes!” The woman and her mother exchanged a little look, giggling to themselves. “We met at Pilates only last year!”

“Can you believe women our age are still making friends like teenagers?” Her mother giggled, sipping on her lemonade, all pleased with herself.

“As soon as you two don’t go create a Burn Book for the neighbourhood, I think we are safe,” Erika chuckled with them, doing her best to indulge her mother and her small joys.

“She is a beautiful young woman and a funny one too? Jackpot.” Pamela giggled, clinking her glass with her mothers in a silent cheer.

“I told you. My daughter is a catch,”

“Must have boys coming for her left and right.”

“Oh,” her mother chuckled again, “You don’t know the beginning of it.”

For a moment Erika felt like they forgot she was standing there, even though both women still studied her like a prized pony or something.

Pamela giggled, nodding. “It doesn’t surprise me,” she then turned over to Erika, rosy cheeks and the largest smile she had ever seen before, “you know? I have a son.” The woman hinted to the boy in the garden with pride, “He’s really nice. Kind, handsome and very smart.”

As any son is to any mother. Erika thought it but didn’t dare to say it. She now understood so many things and started to suspect the two women’s words in an entirely different light. Instead of saying what she truly wanted to say, which was that she didn’t need her mother to fix her up, she smiled politely, gently shaking her head. “I am sure he is, ma’am, don’t doubt it for one second.”

“Ah,” Pamela's smile only grew as she and her mother exchanged a complicit look Erika didn’t like. “You’d like him. Your mum tells me you are single. See, my son is single too. We thought that it would have been nice to introduce the two of you.”

Erika had to bite her tongue hard. Their idea of introductions was to have said boy on parade, cutting the grass shirtless, of course. “How thoughtful of you,” this time Erika only pretended to be polite but wasn’t doing much to hide her slight irritation. “But I am not looking for-”

“Oh, God, honey, of course not! Who do you think we are?” Her mother jumped over her words, gasping, as if Erika was the one who misunderstood the situation. “I only thought you just moved back and don’t have many friends. Then I met Pamela, and one thing led to another, we thought maybe you two could hang out like kids do?”

Erika may not like her mother’s behaviour sometimes, but she still pulled out an amused smile, looking at her trying to find a way to justify herself and digging herself a deeper grave. It was somewhat funny though.

“Yes!” Pamela innocently agreed, “Who knows where things lead, I say.”

She cleared her voice, trying to ignore their silly behaviour, justifying it as the ways mums went about their kids sometimes. “Anyways. Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but mum, if you could give me a hand with the groceries that would be lovely.”

“Oh! Trevor can help you with that,” her mother chirped.

Pamela immediately followed, nodding eagerly. “Yes! What a nice idea,” she was up in a second and, even before Erika had the time to catch a breath and ask questions, she already hopped in the garden, waving at the guy handling the lawn mower.

“Mum?” Erika wondered suspiciously, “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do I feel like this is going to be a set-up?”

“Don’t be silly, dear,” her mum giggled some more. Erika started suspecting the lemonade could have some gin in it. “This is just one of those friendly neighbours’ moments. Pamela’s son so kindly offered to help out with the lawn since your father is always busy with work and,”

“And I am getting introduced,”

“Well, yes, we thought you needed a friend.”

Erika rolled her eyes, still smiling. “Who’s conveniently a shirtless guy cutting your grass, mum?”

“Well, it is about thirty degrees out there. God knows how hot the poor thing is under the sun.”

Before she could reply anything, Pamela was back and her son trailed her. He too, looked somewhat feeling as awkward as she did. At least they could both agree their mothers were being embarrassing.

“So,” Pamela began, pushing her son forward, “This is Trevor.”

He was still catching his breath, as he offered Erika a smile. “Hi, how do you do?” He threw her a hand that she felt obliged to accept.

He was her age, maybe just a little older. He was attractive, that was undeniable. Quite tall and fit too. But Erika looked at him with the same interest she’d have for a lamp post. It wasn’t because she was rude. It was simply because it did nothing to catch her interest.

“Hi, I’m Erika. But I am sure my mother already said that, didn’t she?”

“She did,” he nodded, “they are terrible sometimes, aren’t they?” He wondered, catching the first opportunity possible to give her a complicit look.

This time it was their turn to talk about their mothers like they weren’t standing there.

Erika smiled. Only for that, she was warming up to him. “Yes. Did they convince you to do this?”

“Well, I was allured in with the request of cutting some grass and the promise of some lemonade,”

“Ah,” Erika shook her head, chuckling, “I think your payment is a hot date.”

He hissed, only pretending to be annoyed. “That won’t do. I rather the lemonade.”

They both turned to their mothers, finding both women looking at them with the utmost pride as if they had just won a prize or something. Erika felt like they didn’t catch on to their humour.

Pamela leaned into her mother with a proud smile. “See? What did I tell you?”

Erika huffed and then decided to do the only sensible thing and turned to Trevor, “So, are you helping me with the grocery? It won’t put itself away and I’ve got places to be after.”

“Sure thing,” he chirped willingly, “anything to get away from my mother trying to find me a girlfriend.” The look he sent his mum was pure banter.

Erika wondered if he truly was unaware, or if he was simply trying to charm her into a plan, he was well aware of. Either way, she didn’t care too much.

They unloaded the car as quickly as possible. Erika had no time to lose. Especially if it was to linger and mingle with a shirtless, sweaty, guy placed in her house only for her to look at him.

She grabbed the last two bags and, before she could instruct Trevor to just shut the door, he already leaned in to grab the heavy bag containing all her camera equipment. It’s been left in the car since she came back to Australia. It was the only thing she hadn’t unpacked yet. And she pretended, lying to herself, that it was simply too heavy to carry upstairs.

“No. That, leave it there, please.”

“What is it?”

“None of your business,” she snapped before she could even realise how uncalled it was. Erika immediately regretted it and rolled her eyes, looking back at Trevor. “I am sorry. That wasn’t nice to say. It’s my camera, I am a photographer.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Good at it too. But I haven’t worked in a while now,” she cleared her voice, shaking her head “It’s complicated to explain but I just don’t want to have it in the house.”

“You kidding?”

“No.”

Trevor looked down at the black back he carried, “It might get ruined left in the car under the sun all day, you know?”

“Yes. I am aware,” she huffed, feeling cornered. “Fine. Bring it into the house. Leave it by the stairs, please.”

“Yes ma’am,” he chirped and followed her without saying a word as they returned to the house. “So, how is it you haven’t worked in a while?”

“My field of expertise is very specific,” Erika explained, knowing how lame that excuse was. She could have done anything. The problem was she hadn’t picked her camera up in weeks. Not once.

“And what’s that? Wildlife?”

“No,” she chuckled, “I wish. It’s actually pro wrestling.”

“You shit me!?”

“No.” Erika frowned. “I moved to England some time ago to follow my brother and worked for one of the biggest companies in the UK.”

“Your brother is a wrestler?”

“See?” Erika chuckled, “My mother thought to introduce me and left out all the juicy details. He is,” she then explained, a smile crossing her lips, “he loves it. Always loved it. So, now, that’s what he does.”

“Who’s he? Is it possible I’ve heard of him?”

“It’s possible you know him since he lived around here up to a few months ago. Mark Davis?” She dropped, not hiding the pride she felt for her brother even despite everything.

“Fuck me, Davis!? You are Erika Davis?”

“In the flesh,” Erika smiled, nodding, “guess the neighbourhood is a big place after all.”

“Nah, yeah, it is. I went to school with your brother. Not the same year. He was a senior when I started. Didn’t know Mark or anything but he was known in school.”

“Yep,” Erika sighed, shaking her head, “and no one ever let me forget that.”

“So, he’s a wrestler now, uh? That’s crazy. Is he making a name for himself or something?”

“He is trying, yes. He’s working with the UK's biggest pro wrestling company and doing some indie stuff on the side. He’s in a tag team called Aussie Open with another Australian wrestler.” She didn’t say his name on purpose. Her tongue was tied.

“Wow! I still can’t believe that.”

“I know. So, are you a wrestling fan?”

“Well, not so much, no. I grew up watching it like everyone else through the Attitude Era but then I grew out of it.”

“Oh,” she shrugged, “shame, I find wrestling extremely underrated.”

“Yeah,” he paused, looking at her closely, “so, you said you are a photographer for this stuff?”

“Yes. I get booked to events and my job is capturing every second of the show, making the boys look as good as possible as they do their thing. It is mostly for advertisement.”

“What’s the schedule of a job like that?”

“Busy. I used to work almost every day in different venues every time so it’s a lot of travelling and living in hotels. Usually, I’d follow Mark and get booked to his same shows.”

“Sounds hard.”

“Yeah. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I liked it. It’s part of the business. You travel around and after a while, it becomes the same people and the same places you see so you get used to it.”

“How the hell did you end up back here?”

“Well,” Erika busied herself putting away some stuff in the cupboards. “That’s a long story for another time, perhaps.”

“A’right,” Trevor hung by the kitchen counter, passing her stuff, “consider me curious, though.”

“The short version is that I fucked my brother’s best friend. It ended up badly.” Erika didn’t even look behind her back to see Trevor’s reaction. She didn’t care. And things didn’t exactly go that way. But there was part of her that wanted to clarify the fact that she may look like a good girl and her mother may have presented her as a good girl, but she was far from it.

“Ok? That doesn’t necessarily justify leaving a career behind, does it?”

Erika rolled her eyes and turned to face him, shameless. “It does when said boy I fucked was my roommate and coworker. He’s the other half of Aussie Open. So, I had to take myself out of the equation.”

“Right,” Trevor was avoiding eye contact, slightly intimidated by her honesty. “There’s wrestling in Australia though, right?”

“Yes. But doing weddings and whatnot is a much easier gig to get back into.” Which was a fat lie. She had good expertise and the references to back her up, if she needed, to land a job in any of the Australian companies. But she didn’t want to. She needed to stay away from wrestling.

“Is that what you want to do?”

Erika just looked at him for a long moment, before taking a step back, deciding to rummage in another grocery bag and hide herself in the fridge as she put away some more stuff. “What is this? A job interview or something?”

“Sorry, no. I was just trying to know you better.”

“Well, I don’t want that,” she simply explained, shrugging. “Sorry, you look like you are a nice guy. You got the looks too and everything. But I am not looking to meet anyone.”

“Ah,” Trevor nodded wisely, “the best friend?”

Erika turned pale, glaring at him for the longest moment, unsure if she wanted to run, throw something at him or just disappear into the ground.

She opted for a grocery bag, digging in it like her life depended on it.

“Right,” Trevor continued. “Well, I am around, if you ever fancy hanging out.”

Erika had to give it to him, the guy had balls. But, at the same time, she was quite done with that conversation. Any of it. Anything that brought her even remotely close to thinking about Kyle was banished from her mind.

She wasn’t ready.

“Thank you,” Erika cleared her voice, this time, even if she felt awkward as hell, she looked straight at him. “I won’t take you up on that, you know it, right?”

“One can only hope,” Trevor offered her a small encouraging smile, nodding.

Erika shrugged it off, turning around to put away the last thing. “Don’t get your hopes up, mate,” she explained with a tired sigh. She was trying to be nice. She could have just told him to fuck off. That would have been much easier and much more directed to make that guy understand that despite whatever their mothers have said, she had other things to think about. And despite it all, she wasn’t being polite to him for his interests. She was doing it for her mother. She was happy with her new friend; Erika had no intention of causing them any problems because, yet again, she was gonna be selfish.

No. She was going to be a controlled, polite adult. That’s how she was supposed to behave, right?

“Maybe you should go finish cutting the grass for my mother now,” Erika suggested, dropping in a massive hint for him to catch. She was done chitchatting.

Trevor pulled out a massive smile. His dark eyes glimmered with amusement as he looked her up and down. “Wow, I never thought being treated like a little errand boy could be fun.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. But you know what I meant, don’t you?”

“Sure,” he nodded, still smiling. “Absolutely no offence taken, by the way.”

May 2018

“It’s on!” Her father’s voice called from the living room as everyone in the family buzzed through the house, responding to his call and running to gather in front of the TV.

Erika took it easy. She casually held back in the kitchen, pretending to make herself a fresh cup of coffee, just so she had an excuse to delay her attendance as much as possible.

“Erika! Quick, you are going to miss it.”

“What a shame,” she whispered to herself, deciding not to reply directly to her mum’s bubbly excitement.

It was not even six in the morning in Brisbane. In London, it was almost eight in the evening the day before. Their entire family, including unrelated so-called uncles who were only good family friends, were gathered around to watch a live episode of Ring Of Honor featuring Aussie Open. Everyone was there to see Mark on the screen, doing the thing he had left the country months ago to go and do.

Even Trevor was there. Not by her invitation. Her mother had taken a liking to seeing them hanging out and, despite her attempts to get her to stop, she kept inviting him around.

Erika was trying not to think about it and did everything in her power not to pay attention to him, even though he kept coming onto her.

“You're not interested in seeing your brother on TV?” He wondered leaning against the door frame, looking into the kitchen.

Erika hid behind her cup of coffee, trying her best not to roll her eyes. “Coffee,” she simply explained, hoping that would be enough.

“Oh, fair enough,”

“You can go watch it though. My mother invited you over for that reason,” she didn't want to sound rude but it was too early in the morning for her to deal with unrequited interest. Especially when she never led him on.

Yes, both their mothers had tried to find every excuse to have them hanging out, but Erika had never stopped reminding him how not interested she was. Although, politeness and awkwardness aside, she started suspecting he was taking it like a challenge. Which she was more than happy to let him do. She was the one who would have won in the end, anyway.

Erika approached him, hinting to move to the living room, encouraging him with a little look only pretending she would have followed him. Instead, she kept herself in the back. By that point, as soon as Trevor took a seat in one of the chairs placed around the room, expecting her to sit by his side, it was too late for him to realise she didn’t follow him.

Erika’s lips bent in a small grin that she hid behind her cup of coffee.

Her attention then distractedly moved to the TV screen. She was only pretending she didn’t care. She knew how big of a deal a match in Ring of Honor could be and she wished she could be there with them.

By now, everyone knew she wasn’t talking to Mark, so no one would have second-guessed her weird behaviour. She only needed to keep appearances up, like her biggest problem was Mark on the screen. It was more than convenient for her to stay behind everyone so that everyone’s eyes were pointed at the TV and no one would have noticed the way she pined over the tall Aussie boy playing pretend fighting by her brother's side.

She was working so hard to become someone she could be proud of. Someone she would think worthy. Someone who could consider apologising. But she felt like her way was still long. And she wasn’t ready to see Kyle, yet.

She barely allowed herself to think about him. Because only the thought of him was enough to destabilise her. She missed him so much it was unbearable. And thinking about how things went was a wave of regrets that rolled from the inside of her, ripping her chest open.

At night it was worse. When she was alone, trying to sleep, the thought of him crept into her mind, leaving her breathless, and Erika would find herself grasping on that lousy piece of clothing she stole as if it could ever replace the real thing. Often, she’d cry herself to sleep, suffocating her pain into the pillow.

Her entire body ached anytime she thought about what she had ruined and how there was a chance she’d never get it back.

She wasn’t ready to see him now, doing his thing, working on his dream. It was too easy to take the image on a TV and filter it off the truth, convincing herself that he was happy with his life as it was and she’d only ruin it even more if she ever dared to get closer to him again. Even just looking into a TV screen made it so easy to convince herself it would have hurt him, somehow. It would have surely ripped her apart. And she couldn’t afford to have a breakdown in front of her entire family.

Erika held her breath as she focused on the screen, definitively losing the battle with herself. She watched the boys circling the ring. They had just been announced. Both walked with their typical cocky stride, filling up the space.

Mark looked imposing and casual as usual, confident smirk printed on his lips, in line with his character who wasn’t afraid of anything only because he just knew he was stronger and bigger than most. Erika’s heart still trembled looking at him and a small, sad smile popped on her lips. She hated to think about it. He didn’t deserve it. But she missed him.

Then, her attention shifted to Kyle. He was just as pretty as she remembered. Maybe even more. He had a black strip around his bicep, making his arm muscles pop. That was new. And it made her heart stop. The way just looking at him walking around, all serious, trying to be imposing, as Aussie Open were generally heels, made her feel inside was impossible to describe. Her heart leapt out of her and through halfway across the world, reaching for him. God, how much she wished to be by his side. A shiver crossed her as the memory of knowing exactly how his lips felt on her skin haunted her.

If only her problem was simply longing for him. The worst part was knowing how she had him in her arms, to keep safe, to respect and love. And she just broke his heart out of stupidity.

As usual, he wore his hood up, only so he could cock his head back and kick it off himself on the top buckle, presenting himself to the crowd in his archer pose.

“Why does he do that?” One of the older cousins asked distractedly as everyone looked at the boys and commented on their entrance.

“He’s known as the Aussie Arrow,” Erika explained, keeping her arms crossed to her chest, ignoring the few that turned to look at her. Trevor was studying her particularly closely. She had to try everything in her power to remain as stoic and detached as possible. “Fast, lean and sharp, get it?”

“Oh!” He wasn’t the only one replying with that, putting Erika’s words together.

She had witnessed maybe thirty seconds, top. And she already couldn’t handle it anymore. Kyle and Mark crossed in the ring and exchanged an affectionate fist bump. That too, made her chest ache.

“Such a sweet boy he is,” her mother started, “spoke to him on the phone just the other day,”

“Don’t say that, auntie!” The younger of all cousins, only eight, complained, warning her, “We need to believe he’s evil!”

“Oh, sorry!”

“He’s so cute though,” her cousin giggled, hugging her pillow. Them two were the only girls spawned in between all the family kids. She wasn’t much younger than Erika and yet she felt like there was an abyss in between them.

“Yes,” her mother agreed, “very pretty young boy.”

“What do you mean you spoke to him?” Erika intervened between their chattering, letting her question roll out of her chest before she could even think about it.

Her mum popped her head up, looking at her from over the sofa. “Sorry, darling? What’s that?”

“What does it mean you spoke to Fletch?”

“Hey,” one of the uncles cut through, “we are trying to watch Mark here, take your gossiping somewhere else,”

Erika ignored him, pressing on. “Mum?”

“Why do you care, honey?” The woman looked at her for a long moment, “We had some light conversation as Mark couldn’t come to the phone, so he was kind enough to entertain me in the meantime.”

Erika’s chest ached.

Of course, he was. He was a delight.

She wished so badly to hear his voice. She wanted him to talk to her. To whisper sweet things into her ear just like he did that night, as they giggled in between the sheets.

Her mother was still looking at her, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. Not with words. Erika bit her nails nervously, looking away. And then something seemed to strike the woman as recognition sparked through her eyes. “Darling? Do you have anything to do with the boy?”

“No,” Erika lied badly. “I mean, yes, of course, he is my friend,” she tried to correct herself, not helping her case at all.

As more and more people’s attention moved on her, Erika tried to hide only for her mother to gasp softly. “But you aren’t talking to him, I take it.”

Erika grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Can we just go back to watching?” Erika pointed at the TV. “Look, you are missing it.”

“Now I understand why he asked about you.” Her mother smiled, “I thought it was for Mark at first, but it wasn’t, was it?”

Erika was hit so deeply that she didn’t even realise how evident her reaction to her mum’s words was. “Did he?” She gasped, breathless, even before she could bite her tongue and force herself to shut up.

The entire family was watching. Everyone now knew or suspected there could be some drama. And their attention only grew, like bees on honey.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. And I don’t care about that stuff either,” she dismissed them all and, with her coffee mug, proceeded to leave and exit from the backdoor, finding some peace on the patio.

Erika dug her hand into her cardigan pocket and picked up the cigarettes, feeling the need to calm her nerves.

She sat down on the steps of the back porch, leaving her cup of coffee by her side and lighting herself a cigarette. The moment she inhaled the hot smoke into her lungs, was the second she found herself able to breathe again.

Her eyes were stinging because of the tears she was desperately trying to keep back. She squeezed herself into the light cardigan she was wearing, curling up on herself. Everyone was going on with their lives. Everyone was still existing. When she felt like she was stuck to a single moment from two months ago and had no guarantee she’d ever made it out.

What if Kyle had moved on? But then why would he ask about her?

What if she was only fooling herself and would have never changed? Never enough to be good for him, anyway.

The back door opened and closed as the wood of the patio creaked under someone’s weight.

“Go away, mum,” Erika warned, looking straight in front of her, not in the mood to have a conversation. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Good thing I am not your mother, sweetheart,” Her dad's soft chuckle slipped right through her. He sat by her side on the steps and gathered his hands on his knees, not saying a word more. He just sat there, with her, looking into the garden.

He was a sweet man. Maybe oblivious sometimes. A perfect match to her mum. He wasn’t too good with small talk, but he was there and that was what counted, even when Erika didn’t ask for it or want it. That’s where Mark learned to be so caring, most of the time.

He wasn’t a bad father, but Erika did find herself to hate him in their youth since he was more at work than home. Now, she knew it never meant he didn’t love his children, but at the time, a lot of the bad stuff she was doing she did also to get his attention.

She pushed her cigarette packet over to him, offering a smoke that he accepted gladly. “Your mother can be intense sometimes, I know. She doesn’t do it intentionally.”

“I know.”

“And sometimes she doesn’t read the room either,”

Erika still found the strength to chuckle, nodding. “No. She doesn’t, does she?”

Her dad leaned against her, giving her a small bump shoulder to shoulder. “She only means well. She wants to make sure you are ok.”

“But I am ok! I’ve been saying it every day,”

“Yeah?” Her dad looked right at her. Both she and Mark were a spitting image of the man. “I don’t want to overstep, but it looks to me like you are always so sad.”

“But I am ok, dad,” Erika still pushed out a soft smile, looking at him. “I could be so much worse,” she didn’t need to explain, “instead I am here, sober and doing my thing. I am ok.”

“And I am proud of what you are doing. I have to admit when you came back so abruptly, I was scared you’d fall back into the old habits. But you can’t just take care of your responsibilities.”

“What am I supposed to take care of?”

“This,” he tapped his chest, sending her a meaningful look. “You do not have to talk about it with me. But find someone to talk about it, because what you are carrying will eat you up, one day.”

Erika thought her dad’s words would have hurt her. She was ready to react her usual way, closing up. Instead, she took a deep breath, feeling some sort of release abandoning her chest. “I don’t have friends here. Mum only keeps trying to fix me up with Trevor who’s now convinced he has a chance.” She chuckled, but it wasn’t funny, “I used to talk about this stuff with Mark.”

“I know, sweetheart,”

“But then I fell for Kyle and,”

“That Aussie Arrow boy?”

“Yes.” Erika felt the boulder pressing on her rolling off her chest. It was the first time she admitted to someone else what she felt for Kyle. For the first time in months, she felt empty and free. It wasn’t relieving enough to push her pain off, but it made it so she could breathe easier. “I didn’t tell Mark. I kept it a secret for maybe too long. In the beginning, I thought I could pretend it wasn’t happening. I knew I wasn’t right for Kyle. But it got progressively worse and I just couldn’t stay away. To the point, Mark became suspicious first and protective after. Kyle is like a younger brother to him. He wants to protect him from harm, I know that. I respect that. Only he thought I was going to be harmful.”

“Is that why you don’t talk anymore?”

“He said some pretty bad things to me about my past. Made me think I wasn’t good enough. So, I bolted. Breaking Kyle’s heart in the process. And now, here I am, trying to keep it together. So, I am fine, dad.” She tried her best to smile, even though her chin was shaking and her eyes were glossed by the tears she couldn’t keep back anymore. “I fucked up. I had something good going on and I ruined it.”

Her dad left her the space to cry, rolling an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side, cradling her softly. “I am sorry, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead once she calmed down, trying to lift the mood slightly. “And what did Kyle think about you not being good enough?”

“He would have skipped backwards for me.” She smiled distractedly.

“I like this boy,” her dad smiled proudly.

“He doesn’t know what I did though. He doesn’t know who I was I couldn’t tell him.”

“But he didn’t meet the girl you were. He met you for you.”

“But I am still so ashamed. My past doesn’t stop existing just because I decide to change.”

“But look where you are now and all the things you accomplished, honey.”

“And look all the bad I did, too. Mark wasn’t wrong, doubting me-”

“Don’t justify Mark.” Her father simply and calmly huffed, as if he was settling a quarrel between two kids over a toy, “Your brother should have known better. He should have expressed his fears differently trying to be more understanding, not making it so to scare you off and making you burn bridges.”

“Maybe. But what if he’d end up being right? What if I don’t deserve that kind of happiness? What if I keep fucking up?”

“But what if you don’t?” Her father made her look at him, pulling out a sweet smile, “What if you are sober, keeping the pieces together and doing ok?”

“That’s so scary, dad.”

“I know, honey, I know.” He patted her on the shoulder then, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to her. “Call your brother.”

Erika froze, looking down at the black screen of the phone he handed her. She held her breath, trying to find a way to put her thoughts in order and find some common sense. But she had none left. It was either keep running away and ignoring things or decide it was time to grow up and forgive.

“He’s having a match right now.” She hesitated, trying to find an excuse.

“We both know he’ll be done soon. If not already.” Her father released the soft sigh of someone wise enough to know better. “Call Mark, darling. It doesn’t need to be to reconcile. But you need to unload what you have inside. And that’s the only way.” He pushed the cigarette butt into a soil pot and then leaned in, kissing her temple, before standing up.

There was something unspoken going on with her parents. The less they reminded her of what she did in her past and the bad she caused, the easier it was for her to feel at ease enough to feel like she belonged with them. It wasn’t enough to let her forget and she still didn’t like the idea of living in Brisbane in the long term. But for now, she was already juggling too many plates, she didn’t have the time or focus to think about the future that way.

“I’ll be inside, making sure no one is disturbing you,” her dad continued, “Especially that Trevor guy.”

“Thank you, dad,” she didn’t necessarily refer only to that last part. She was truly grateful.

Her father replied with a simple yet meaningful nod before disappearing into the house, leaving her all the time and space she needed.