#Mention of suicidal thoughts

[furiousgoldfish]

I have avpd due to traumatic incidents and emotional neglect in my childhood. And now that I'm finally working on getting back up out of the pit I'm in, I've reached a wall. And that wall is: I am so horribly hungry for positive affirmation (there is a hole in my chest for it) but everytime I ask for support, I'm so dismissive of it and it doesn't reach me or succeed to comfort me. if you have any kind of advice for it, I would really appreciate it.

ive also been suicidal for almost a decade now and it really is hard to find hope. right now it's like living from moment to moment because I catastrophize so easily...

Hmm I guess I can relate to being dismissive of people who say positive things about me. I don't accept it because I don't believe that these people really know me, I don't share their value system, and who are they anyway to tell me how things are, I like to decide for myself. Unless I already trust someone and understand how they think, I will dismiss affirmations or praise, assuming they come from ignorance.

I don't know if these are the reasons you reject it, or if you have some other reasoning behind it, or it happens automatically. Could you be rejecting them because you don't believe any of them to be true, and you feel the urge to keep a more negative view of yourself, for safety (safety=not to be proven wrong later)? Because if that's the case, then it could help for you to evaluate your life based on hard facts, all that you've done, all that you've achieved, all people you've been kind to, all people you've helped, all the kind intentions you had and all of the things you survived. Write it all down, and then say what would you call a person who's managed to do all that. You'll see there's a lot of good you've done, and a lot of things you deserve to be proud of.

I can't say I share your desire for affirmation, so I'm unable to relate - hopefully someone else reading this feels the same, and can give you some advice.

I'm so sorry about your life being so difficult and painful that suicidal thought hold over you, that is not your fault, and it's true that hope is difficult to find. I used to catastrophize extremely badly, and it helped me to read 'Complex PTSD by Pete Walker', because it described in detail that other people have the exact same thoughts, and they're generated by abuse, and there's no reality or truthfulness in it. Once I knew for sure that my catastrophic thoughts were fake, I was able to dismiss them, I only obsessed over them when I thought there was some reality to it.

I hope you find something that reassures you of all of your catastrophic thoughts, you're certainly not the only one to experience them, and they're very disconnected from reality. Sometimes it can help to list all the things that would surely prevent the worst-case scenario to happen, as well as all of the evidence you know to be true, against those scenarios even starting.

[violetthistle1]

TW: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts, depression

Sirius looked at Remus in awe. "You kept the ring? Even after you thought I—"

“I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I tried. Several times I took it to the Thames and told myself to chuck it in and be rid of it. But I could no sooner chuck myself in, though I tried that a few times too. It reminded me of better times. Even after everything, I would still hold it sometimes and imagine. Imagine a world where you loved me, where there was no betrayal, and no one we loved died, and we were happy, and we got married, and well, even that was enough. It always broke my heart into a million pieces, because I knew none of it was ever real. That I hadn’t ever even been loved, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. It was all so distorted. I couldn’t ever make it make sense. But somehow even though it always broke my heart, it also—I don’t even know how to describe it. It wasn’t hope, it was like escaping into a fantasy book, even for a moment to live in some alternate universe, it gave me a break from the reality I was forced to live in, and I would escape to that as often as I found the strength to endure it.”

“Oh Remus, you were always a bit of a masochist, but that’s on a whole new level. You do know now that I love you so much, right? And we are going to be happy again, I swear it, we will be happy again. I know we are both so different, and so much has changed, but I will take us in any form we are allowed to be.”

“Merlin, this is not how I wanted you to find out about this ring.” 

Sirius nodded. “It’s okay, no secrets, remember?” He handed Remus back the ring. “So you can have this back for now. Just know that whenever you get up the nerve to ask me, the answer is going to be yes.” 

****

Dignity be Damned, chapter 28: The Shoebox, excerpt (4)

Chapters 1-28 are available on Ao3 now!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50555698/chapters/132111325

[lil-playful-pup]

new years resolution

die or have a good time trying

[catnerdenby]

Whirl

I was planning to do Skyfire or Optimus Prime first but Whirl has consumed my brain now.

So. Whirl, huh? Gotta say, it broke tradition by scanning a mammal, not an insect. And I know it would've made SO much sense for them to be a praying mantis, but like...bat Whirl.

So. They use it/its and they/them pronouns, though they used to use he/him instead of it/its before it was empuranta-ed(?).

They're pretty similar to its MTMTE counterpart personality wise, though they're a bit less intense. Mainly because it's a parent/guardian/responsible figure now.

This is their little scraplet, its reason to keep fighting, just to make a peaceful future for them. Inside it knows though, that it's already too late.

It could rarely be home, since it was one of the few flying Autobots and was often needed in the field, but that didn't mean that they and their sparkling were distant. The opposite really.

Their backstory is very similar to IDW Whirl's but it never became a part of enforcer forces, but isolated themselves from society. There they took up carving, since it couldn't craft clocks no more thanks to those cursed clunky claws.

In order to relieve their frustration, they began carving the people they hated out of metal, and then destroyed the statues. That resulted in the surroundings of their home being littered in destroyed metal statues, which could be mistaken for real corpses.

He was arrested for attacking and killing an officer that came to investigate the reported bodies, and spent a good while in prison. There he became a punching bag, who always punched back.

After that it's again similar to IDW. Recuited by the Autopods (who promised to relieve it of its prison sentence), they became well-known for their su*cidal recklessness, and soon enough was made a part of the Wreckers.

Out on a mission,it accidentally came across a sparkling, who had not yet developed any features, and without being sure why, took the bitlet in. The full name of Red Rust came from the injury Whirl obtained from rescuing them and left untreated for quite a while. Before that they were often called little scrap and scrapling. The nicknames remained after the official name, as Red Rust was very small compared to Whirl (my Bumblebee sized).

Whirl left the Wreckers, as it had found a reason to live again, but as one of the few flyers, he still had to go out on missions.

They kept Red Rust a secret from everyone, until the fateful mission where he went MIA. As it was usual that they were away for long periods of time, the sparkling was fine for quite a while. Then another unfortunate event occurred. A battle happened very near to the place where the two of them lived.

They were found under the rubble (luckily by Autopods) and made a trainee. Unfortunately, Red Rust was slightly scared of heights, due to not having the proper flight training.

Back to Whirl. It was on the Autopod ship that crashed on Earth and thus had no way of getting back to their charge, as it was in stasis with the rest of the Autopods.

Once the crew awakened, they were more aggressive than they used to be. It lashed out at the smallest of things and caused the other Autpods to avoid it, adding to its isolatedness.

That is until the arrival of additional firepower is announced. At first they are furious about the news, but as the date inches closer, it gets excited, which worries the others, as they suspect that they might attempt to sabotage the arrival of the ship.

They are put in the brig, to its anger and frustration, but breaks out and rushes to the landing pad, just in time to witness the landing. It is attempted to be detained again, until they start desperately yelling out:"Red Rust, Red Rust!" Its captors step away in shock, but a shuffle begins among the people and Whirl kneels. A tiny dark bot bursts out from the crowd and into its arms.

After that, Whirl becomes calmer and friendlier, though it's very protective of its sparkling, and will not hesitate to attack anyone who dares to hurt them.

They become closer with the rest of the crew and the new additions as well.

Whirl and Red Rust have synchronised clocks on their chestplates, which will always tick in sync, until one of them dies in which case, the other's clock will stop.

[somanyfanficssolittletime]

TW: mention of abuse, suicidal thoughts, SelfHarm. Nothing but vague mentions, please proceed with caution in mind.

I understand where everyone under this post is coming from, but I’m on the side of asking of it’s okay to VENT, and if it comes down to it I prefer mutual tramadumping, (but even that can get toxic) or venting. VENTING AND TRAMADUMPING ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS…

I’ve had friends tell me their family is abusive in the middle of school, tell me very vivid explanations on how they plan to kill them selves in the middle of school, I’ve had friends tell me that they selfed harmed, once again IN THE MIDDLE of school.

Now, I’m very glad that they told me, I’m very glad that they let me get them help, I’m very very very grateful that I was able to talk down that one friend. But I was THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. I WAS A BABY! I was coming home every day and crying to my parents, I was already going through shit, I was dealing with so so so so much, but I wasn’t able to talk to my friends about it, because they where not in the headspace to talk to me about MY problems. And I felt like if I tried to talk to them about my issues I was being selfish. I understand that I may have just been an anxious little kid, but oh my days was it tough to go through.

I understand feeling more comfortable telling your friends your issues then a therapist, but your friends are NOT educated, trained, or have the resources to help you in the way you may need.

I’m really sorry this got heavy fast.

Here are some resources I like to point people towards, and have used myself, or heard really good things about at one point or another.

If you can think of any more helpful or more credible sources, PLEASE reblog with them attached.

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

[dumbassv32]

sketch based off that one audio :]

LOOOOK YAYYYY IT GOT DUBBED

GOT DUBBED AGAIN YAYAYAYAY

G. GUYS ANOTHER. DUB. HOLY SHIT

[the-meme-monarch]

hey. what if i got really normal about (my designs for) the fallen kids. i promise.

my prev drawings of them here :]

also scrapped doodles involving flowey bc I forgot flowey probably didn’t exist for a while until at least most of them were dead, what with alphys’ dt experiments. i just wanted kris and flowey to meet :( they grew up together in another universe

[ghostvibesonly]

wait odysseus is suicidal wait he was really gonna end his life the way he ended the infant’s wait the only people who’ve called him ody are those who hurt him badly/betrayed him wait “let me close my eyes” parallels penelope and telemachus begging him to “keep your eyes open” wait wait calypso was trying to talk him down and “stay in my open arms” unintentionally triggered the memories/hauntings of polites, eurylochus, his mom, etc wait wait athena held baby telemachus wait wait athena is dead?? wait wait wait

[halfmouse]

Hi. Coming on here to talk a bit about the topic.

You may or may not have noticed but I am very generous with tags here and on AO3. That’s because I have experience with interacting with a wide range of people, and that I, myself, would really appreciate it if some of the things I don’t want to see are tagged and some of the things I do want to see are also tagged.

“Tagging is a courtesy, not a requirement” is NOT an excuse. Why not be courteous, when it’s so easy?

And hey. Sometimes the potential risks for someone if something they block tags for isn’t tagged are much greater than you may think. The reason I tag fast GIFs as such is because I literally know a person in real life who had a seizure because she was watching a librarian shelve books and the fast motion triggered her epilepsy. I know someone who is thankfully doing much better these days and no longer has lepidopteraphobia, but when she had it the mere glimpse of a butterfly would send her spiraling into a panic attack and feeling suicidal afterwards.

And of course, some people really want to see fast motion and butterflies. A lot of people. So tags are a way to seek out things you want, too.

Same rules apply to other stuff, stuff that a lot of people want or need to see, stuff that a lot of people don’t, stuff that’s super niche, stuff that doesn’t have a lot of high stakes associated with it, stuff that does, etc. Heck, this very post is going to have some serious tagging!

And on the other end of things, it’s okay to block tags. It’s okay to block people. I have blocklists that are very long because I have enough to deal with without people and things that bother me and/or trigger my mental illnesses popping up all over the place.

Ok I want to say something controversial

But you are responsible for your own safe spaces. You can block tags, block words, block people.

“But i thought fandom was supposed to be a safe space” —yeah you have to curate it.

Unfortunately one persons’s safe space may be another persons’ trigger. That’s ok. Simply block them, block the tag, block the word etc. They can do the same for you.

Maybe I’m just out of touch, but I’ve been around since the days of “don’t like, don’t read” and that’s a good philosophy. If it squicks you, scroll past. If it causes you anxiety or upset, block! Plenty of people are responsive if you ask them to tag an upsetting trigger. And if they’re dicks about it, block em.

[dykedvonte]

Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.

Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.

They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.

I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.

[sepiamestus]

If ur thinking about killing urself u can always make banana bread. Btw

[beneathsilverstars]

this sucks so bad i want to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen your mental health] eat a star and transform into an abstract astral being, leaving both the horrors and the joys of my life to an alternative self while i pass the time napping under a tree

[sen-ya]

OOF so this is one I very roughly blocked out after reading 1081 and always meant to finish, then when I went into the file to finish it it corrupted. So it'll stay like this, transcript's under the cut and I assume it's particularly needed for this one.

[pg1] panel 1: Law: This life is a cruel joke! Why can't something just fucking kill me already?!

panel 2: Luffy: Torao -- Law: Don't fucking touch me Straw Hat!!

panel 3: Law: What would you know about loss?!

panel 4: Zoro: Hey, watch it!

panel 5: Law: Torao --

panel 6: Law: I was there when your brother died!

[pg2] panel 7: Luffy: Torao, please. Law: That's your body count, Strawhat! Luffy: Just come back -- Law: People flock to you, your family returns from the dead! Luffy: Listen to me --

panel 8: Law: While my family sinks to the bottom of the ocean!

panel 9: Law: Why aren't I with them?! Luffy: Because you're meant to live, Torao!

panel 10: Law: But I don't want to!!! I never asked to survive!!!

[pg3] panel 11: Law: It's cruel, Lu-ya. Cruel, and cold, and empty!

panel 12: Law: Please don't make me keep living. I'm past this life. I'm tired. I'm tired. Luffy: Torao Law: I'm so tired.

panel 13: Law: I know you want me to be alive. But can't I be selfish, Lu-ya? Can't I just rest? Luffy: Not like this.

panel 14: Luffy: I'm even more selfish than you. I won't grant you that peace. Law: sob

[pg4] panel 15: Luffy: We're gonna get your crew back. Franky will build you a new ship. Law: I don't want to. hic. Luffy: I don't care. Law: Lu-ya, let me go. Luffy: No.

panel 16: Luffy: Just go to sleep for now. That's rest you can have.

panel 17: Law: You can't tell me what to do.

panel 18: Luffy: There you go. That's the spirit.

[naffeclipse]

Randomly remembered my time loop au :) and how you get killed by the DCA for the first time in the time loops, and to you, it's no big deal. It's fine. You literally came back so it's not a big deal. Right? Wrong.

You try to go to the pizzaplex to start the (same) day but you discover that you can't get through the front doors despite buying a ticket. The staff bot dryly informs you that you have been registered as a dangerous individual who is not permitted to enter the pizzaplex, which is new, to say the least. You think there's a mistake.

You try again the next day. You're still barred from entering but have nothing but a day free of consequences to do whatever you please, so you break in. Before you reach the daycare, security bots catch you.

You shout at the DCA. Sun can hear you. You know he can but his back stays to you as he watches children color with their little crayons and you briefly remember Moon's hands closing in on your throat with the strange violet glow of his eyes being the last thing you saw—but you're fine. Can't he see that you're fine? You're not dead! You can't stay dead! Why is he doing this to you? He didn't forget you. No, you refuse to consider it because if he didn't know you, he would be staring at the crazy person trying to break into the daycare, but he doesn't. He doesn't meet your eyes.

The next day (again), you find your breaking and entering point is now crawling in security bots. You know he knows. Why is he keeping you away? A spark of anger takes hold and you ignite. He is all you have. He can't make you stay away. You look straight at one of the security cameras. This is a challenge now. You tell him you have nothing but time, baby, and you'll see him again and make him see you rosy cheek and breathing.

You've died before. You've had accidents in the time loop before, you've had reckless, impulse decisions that ended with you mangled, and you've even had a few times where you've taken care of yourself because you wanted it to end but the same day starts over and over so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing mattered until you found him. And he remembered you.

Please, Sun. Don't do this. Don't be scared. You're so alone and afraid and if you don't have him, if you don't have Moon, you have nothing. You still feel his cold digits closing in around your throat but you're more terrified of going back to the days when you experienced it all alone. You'll come back tomorrow (the same day again). Please.

You wake up. It's the same day. It will always be, you fear. You get to the pizzaplex and somehow, you're allowed inside. You're anxious, rushing to the daycare, immune to the strange looks parents give you because it doesn't matter, they will not remember this moment or you. But someone will. You reach the castle doors and push them open and he's there. His head is low and his hands are held behind his back like they're weapons, like they're ropes for hanging, but you fling yourself at him. You wrap your arms around his skinny torso and press your cheek against his chassis and breathe again for the first time in days (the same day, over and over). You tell him in a wet, fierce voice to never do that again.

He tells you that it's not safe. His hands hover over your shoulder blades, his off-yellow digits curling in apprehension, afraid to even hold you. What if the time loop ends and they come back out of the dreadful glitch, and you're in their arms, not breathing? They can't allow that. They won't.

You tell him you would prefer that over enduring the time loops without them—but then he grabs you by the arms. He pries you off him, holding you with taut fingertips digging into your flesh. Is the glitch back? His eyes are pale and the dull gray iris within is sharp like an end. Your heart bobs in your chest. His voice dips into a growling, vicious thing when he tells you to never say that again. You cannot think that or they will ban you forever. They will never see you again. Do you understand?

You almost sob, but you nod, biting your bottom lip. Okay. Just don't stay away from you, okay?

He slowly loosens his hold. Your arms ache but it doesn't matter. He tilts his sun rays and nods. They promise. And he wraps you back in the hug you've been looking for after so many days (every day again and again).

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but  Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]

Ch1 Ch2

Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.

Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.

Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.

Gai: Papa

[gai sighs] [window sliding]

Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors

Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?

Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool

Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen

Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...

Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.

Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury

Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.

Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.

Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...

Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny

Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive

[gai crying]

[Gai sobbing/crying]

[pedroslittlelady]

Just You & Me, Darlin'

joel miller x f!reader (18+)

A/N: OMG Okay, I'm actually doing this! I'm posting something for the first time in over 4 years and I'm super nervous. Pedro Pascal just has me by the titties, and so do all of you wonderful writers and artists I've been so inspired by, so here is my little contribution 🫣💕

You can also read this on my ao3 if you prefer 😊

summary: When Tommy returns to the QZ without you, Joel is both terrified and furious but he’s determined to get you back safe no matter what.

tags/warnings: 18+ Explicit | Minors Do Not Interact Please! no use of y/n, boston qz, fluff, hurt/comfort, mention of suicidal thoughts, slight exhibitionism, explicit smut, unprotected piv, no description of female reader, other than joel can pick you up and kinda implied age gap, squirting, emotional sex, unbeta'd, use of pet names (sweetheart, baby, darlin', baby girl). oh and you're both super in love so :) I think that's it.

word count: 5.9k

Joel’s heart was fluttering within his chest, nerves and excitement flooding him as he made his way up the steps of his apartment building. If all had gone well, you were due back from the week-long smuggling run outside of the QZ today, and he had been stuck on work duty for most of it. 

He hadn’t been able to go with you since someone had needed to stay back and protect their store of goods and ration cards from being stolen in their absence, they’d learned this the hard way. 

And in his mind he’d drawn the short straw.

Joel would much rather be out there with you than stuck here wondering if you were okay. Here, he was unable to do anything if something went wrong but he knew you, the little hell-raiser that you were could definitely handle yourself. 

The both of you had agreed when you first started sleeping together that it shouldn’t mess with the business, it gave you all a more comfortable life in the QZ than most got to have after all. 

Even after falling hard for one another following the sharing of your past within whispered cuddles post sex, you both still tried to keep the business professional and that meant trusting one another to watch your own and your partners’ backs. 

As he entered his apartment he was surprised to see Tommy sitting on his couch with his head in his hands. 

Joel’s stomach dropped at the sight, he already knew something was wrong. Heart breaking into a gallop against his sternum he quickly scanned the apartment, the open layout giving him a view of the whole room and you were nowhere in sight.

Joel's hands tightened into fists, his jaw tensing in anger and fear as he focused his intense gaze on his little brother who was now worrying his lip.

“Where is she,” Joel stated more than questioned in his deep southern timbre, his voice thick with emotion. Anger, fear, anguish and dread were all suddenly clogging up his throat. He swallowed to keep it contained, needing to keep his head on straight right now.

“I don’t know brother,” Tommy responded, guilt and slight fear painted his features as he looked up at his older brother.

“The hell do you mean you don’t know?” Joel growled as he prowled closer to his brother who quickly stood from his slumped position. “I trusted you to watch her back, to keep her safe for me!” Joel couldn’t control himself, the emotions from the thought of losing you, of never seeing you again were too much to handle and he grabbed his brother by the neck of his jacket and shook him.

“The deal went bad! Me and Tess got separated from her!” Tommy quickly explained, his hands gripping onto Joel's shaking wrists. “We tried to find her but… shit man, things are more fucked up out there than ever. We were hoping she’d made it back here.”

Joel pushed his brother away from him, afraid he would start swinging. Rage and fear consumed him, tightening his heaving chest as he ran his hands through his greying hair. He quickly stalked over to his weapons stash beneath the floorboards while vile images of you being scared and hurt, being taken by sex traffickers and all manner of other atrocities he’d seen and heard about over all his years surviving in this hell were flooding his mind.

If it was the last thing he did, he’d find you himself and bring you home. The thought of never finding you was unspeakable and he quickly pushed that horrible scenario out of his mind. But then another took its ugly place as he quickly grabbed his go bag; what if he found you dead or dying?

Well that would be the end, wouldn’t it?

He paused before looking at his little brother, standing before him paler than he’d seen him in a long time. Exhaustion was dragging Tommy down and Joel knew that he and Tess had done the best they could to find you; they loved you too.

“I’ll find her and bring her back,” Joel stated.

“I’ll come with-”

“No… thank you, but no. You're exhausted, you’ll just slow me down. If I don’t come back… then I…,” Joel trailed off as he watched anguish and fear become apparent on his little brother's face.

“Joel. Don’t. Please, brother,” Tommy begged, already knowing where Joel’s head was at.

“I can’t…” Joel felt his voice break as tears flooded his vision, blurring the image of his baby brother walking towards him. 

Next thing Joel knew, his brother's arms were around him and Joel let himself feel the rare embrace for just a moment. He and his brother had never been the most affectionate with each other even before the outbreak, so the fact his brother was hugging him so tightly told him Tommy knew exactly what you meant to him. How could he not, with how blatant the two of you were with your lovesick need for each other. You had become his whole world, a quick spiral into passionate need that seemed to drive the two of you from the very moment you became one when he took you on that dirty warehouse floor three years earlier.

His head dipped to Tommy’s shoulder as silent tears rolled down his cheeks and into his patchy beard, into that place where you always kissed him, as if that spot had been made just for you. A place to kiss and lick and nibble like you loved to do when you both were intimate, which was basically whenever you were in the same room as one another, everyone else be damned.

Would Joel ever feel that again? Had you both made all the memories together that you ever would? The last time he saw you flashed in his mind, replacing the ugly panicked images from before. You’d smiled up at him, arms wrapped around one another, foreheads pressed together as you whispered your ‘see you laters’ - never ‘goodbyes’ - to each other, while Tess and Tommy looked on and rolled their eyes in annoyance at your overt pda.

The Joel of before had never been one for public displays of affection, to the point where one woman had broken things off with him because she’d said he was cold, that he didn’t care enough about her. He’d realised later on that she had probably been right. More conscious of how much affection he was giving in front of others than he should have been.

Now though, with you these last few years? Joel didn’t give a single fuck what people thought of how he held your hand, kissed you, sat you on his lap as he made deals with all kinds of people. He loved when you’d do the same, when you would kiss him in that spot that was surely made purely for your mouth while you rolled your hips against his hardening cock. The greedy eyes of lowlifes watching on in pure jealousy of how unashamed you were with showing everyone how wanton you could get for him. His precious little hell-raiser.

Shit, he’d fucked you outside before and hadn’t cared who’d heard. It had actually turned him on to know the residents had heard your desperate and lustful cries as you let him take you from behind in an alleyway between two apartment buildings. Anyone could’ve looked out and seen how Joel Miller got to have you be his, the most vicious beauty in all of Boston, submitting to him, belonging to him.

Joel quickly pulled away from Tommy before he got too emotional about how this day had turned into a fucking real life nightmare. 

As he strode towards his apartment door with his go bag on his back and his weapons tucked away on his person, he rubbed the tears from his eyes and face. He couldn’t look back at Tommy so he roughly pulled open the door and walked out with a quickly uttered, “see you brother.”

While descending to street level Joel struggled to get his emotions under control. It had been a long time since he had cried, since he had felt this scared and helpless, but he pushed through and began to formulate a plan on how he would get out of the QZ through a smuggler tunnel they had created two years ago. Then he would find you so he could bring you home, safe and sound.

There was no other option he would let himself consider from here on out, he needed to focus on his current mission.

Joel steeled himself as he walked out of the apartment building and turned right to head to the closest smuggling route out of the QZ. As he looked up to assess his surroundings he was stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of you standing in front of him.

His eyes widened in shock as you stood before him, a shaky vulnerable look on your pretty as sin face. Joel choked on your name in disbelief and before he knew it his hands were grasping your cheeks and his lips were crushing against yours in a desperate kiss.

He pulled away from your tight embrace to quickly gasp, “What the hell happened, baby?” Before he kissed you again and again and again. So relieved to feel you alive and whole in his arms once more.

But then worry clouded his mind; the look on your face as you saw him notice you replayed in his mind.

Joel once again pulled away from the desperate kisses you both were sharing to truly look into your wide teary eyes.

“Are… are you okay, sweetheart? Are you hurt? Let me see you,” Joel pleaded in a vulnerable whisper. He reluctantly pulled further away so he could assess you until you spoke for the first time since your reunion.

“I’m okay Joel, baby. I’m okay I promise!” You gasped as Joel began to pull up your sleeves and the hem of your shirt to see your slightly bruised and cut skin, clearly searching for a fatal wound like a bite that he thankfully would not find.

“Joel!” You shouted to get his attention, uncaring of the passers-by on the busy street taking notice of your desperate interaction.

Joel stopped his searching as you placed your hands on his cheeks and gave a soft smile when you saw the fear in his eyes recede into a warm relieved look of love that always made your chest flutter in unbelievable happiness, like butterflies bursting with life within you. You had never expected to get to this point with anyone, let alone the cold standoffish brute Joel Miller who had barely seemed to tolerate you the first few weeks after your initial meeting. 

To have this big, dangerous, sometimes scary but protective man look at you like you were his whole world was intoxicating. No wonder you could never keep your hands off of him. 

It had started after the first time you’d fucked, and that’s all it had been meant to be. A desperate fuck after a near death experience, both of you alone and thankful to be alive. You had exchanged no words but a heady look and before you’d known what was happening he was kissing into your mouth before pinning you onto the hard dirty floor and fucking you silly.

You knew he’d been sleeping with Tess at the time, although it wasn’t serious, and you had slipped into Tommy’s bed once or twice, but for years you had respected Joel’s leadership and strength, and of course enjoyed admiring how handsome he really was, but you both had never been particularly close, until then.

After, you had both agreed it wouldn’t happen again. You reluctantly agreed with him even though your legs had felt like jelly after the best orgasms you’d ever been given, having never before been fucked like Joel Miller liked to fuck. 

It happened again of course, the very next night when you took a chance and slipped into his room and cot. He hadn’t said a thing against it, only a cocky, “can’t get enough huh, hell-raiser?” 

After you sucked him to full hardness he’d let you ride him as fast or slow as you wanted while he just watched you. In the wake of your first orgasm Joel had snapped and took control once more by putting you on your back and practically folding you in half. He’d fucked you so hard you’d screamed your pleasure, so loud you had only realised afterward that Tommy and Tess must have been 100% aware of what was happening. But you’d come so hard you’d squirted all over Joel and made a complete mess, but you had seen in Joel’s eyes how much he’d absolutely loved it.

There was no talk of it never happening again after that, only an acknowledgement that business came first. A few months into your arrangement he began cuddling you after sex, asking you not to leave his bed in the sweetest whisper against the back of your head. You had agreed, threading your fingers through his and nodding with a simple, “yes Joel.”

And you hadn’t left, you both barely let the other out of your lovesick sight as you basically moved in with him. Tess and Tommy quickly moved out so they didn’t have to listen to the both of you ‘fucking every goddamn day.’

“I’m fine baby, I promise. Okay?” You kissed Joel softly bringing you back to the present, his arms tightening around you.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if… fuck, I thought you were-” Joel was crushing you against him, lips brushing yours as he spoke. A tremble was in his voice, one you’ve come to know more over the years as he opened up to you about things from his past.

“I’m right here darlin’, right where I’m supposed to be,” you gently spoke while running your hands through his salt and pepper curls. The action always calmed him down.

“I love you so goddamn much, hell-raiser.” Joel smiled against your lips before kissing you again. You chuckled, feeling tears gather in your eyes at the silly pet name he’d given you after your first chaotic introduction years ago which involved you wielding a couple molotov cocktails. The first of many pet names he graced you with, but definitely your favourite.

“I love you too, big guy.”

Your back gently hit the apartment building as Joel increased the pressure of your kisses, a desperation taking over you both as the feeling of being reunited after a close call washed over you once again.

Joel hiked your leg up and ground his hardened cock against your rapidly soaking pussy making you gasp at the sting of pain the suddenness of your arousal wrought as it travelled deep into your rapidly warming core.

“Joel,” you panted into his mouth as he licked at your tongue before sucking it into his mouth with a growl of need you felt emanating from his belly which was pressed tight against yours.

“Fuck, need inside your tight little cunt right now, darlin’,” Joel rumbled before he hastily began to undo your jeans, his lips carving a wet path across your cheek and down your tilting neck. He bit you quick and hard there, marking you; claiming you. You gasped, your arousal seeping from your desperately empty channel and trickling into your panties as you tilted your hips against his rock hard cock.

Joel slipped his thick fingers into your wet slit making you moan into his mouth.

“Get a room,” you heard someone mutter as they walked past. Joel growled before pulling away to glare fiercely at the man who suddenly blanched before quickly scurrying away at the sight of Joel hovering over you with a murderous look in his eyes. 

You giggled at the interaction, drawing his attention back to you, his eyes softening at your mischievous smirk.

“Take me to bed, big guy. Remind me who I belong to,” you murmured before biting your lower lip in anticipation as Joel's eyes turned blacker than the deepest cavern within the fathomless ocean.

He grabbed you by the back of the neck and began to steer you back into the apartment building and up the stairs. You could feel his eyes on your ass before a slap landed there making you squeak excitedly. “Hurry the fuck up, darlin’,” Joel growled with a squeeze to your right cheek making you skip up the stairs quicker, panties practically drenched now.

The next second he was pushing open your apartment door, throwing off his bag and flipping you around to face him so he could kiss you hungrily once more. His thick tongue probed every part of your mouth, overwhelming you. You whimpered, your hands caressing through his hair to scratch gently at his scalp.

His grip on your thighs suddenly let you know what he was about to do and you braced your hands on his broad shoulders as he quickly hoisted you up, your legs wrapping around his hips. You both groaned and panted into one another's mouth at the feel of being pressed together.

You stilled when you heard the clearing of a throat. Joel groaned in annoyance as your lips separated wetly.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt,” Tommy said before covering a slight laugh with a cough, Joel glowered. “But I’m really glad you're okay, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, Tommy. I appreciate it.” You smiled, so glad to see him safe and sound too. You told him this and questioned where Tess was and he informed you that she was just fine also.

“I just wanted to say-” Tommy started to speak.

“Enough said,” Joel growled. “Talk later. We're busy, brother.” Joel raised his brows clearly unabashed at being caught in this position by his baby brother.

“Jeez, alright lover boy-” Tommy rolled his eyes.

“I swear to God Tommy if you don’t get the fuck out of here now I’ll-”

“Okay okay! We’ll catch up later, Christ.” Tommy shook his head but you could see he wasn’t truly annoyed by the relieved look on his face.

As Tommy made his way to the door, a smirk was painted on his handsome face. Joel just pierced him with a frustrated and grumpy glare, you couldn’t help but snort softly while still being held up in his strong arms.

“See you later Tommy, and tell Tess thanks as well when you see her,” you quickly uttered before you forgot all about Tess and Tommy in just a few seconds.

“Will do, sweetheart. See you later. You too, Romeo.” Tommy laughed before darting out the door as fast as he could once he’d heard Joel’s growl of annoyance.

“C’mon baby,” you murmured in his ear before sucking the lobe into your mouth bringing his attention back to you, his eyes softening once more. “Need to feel your big cock inside me, I feel so empty.” You pouted playfully even though you could still feel some of the adrenaline and fear from your near miss swarming inside you. 

You had very nearly not made it home to him and that thought made your heart jump and your hold on your lover tighten. You didn’t know if you could hold back on the avalanche of feeling you knew was headed your way.

“Poor baby,” Joel responded as he carried you to your bed and laid you down, his back not being able to hold you up for much longer, not if he was going to fuck you like you both needed after today. “Don’t you worry darlin’, I got you.”

Joel stood before you and began to remove the various weapons from his body, his dark intense gaze never leaving you as you began to writhe in need.

“Hurry Joel,” you whimpered, a desperation taking over now that you weren’t in his arms anymore. You felt tears gather in your eyes at just how lucky you were to be back here with him, safe and sound. You couldn’t hold back a hiccupping sob threatening to escape you.

Joel took notice and quickly hovered over you, one hand on your hip, the other palming your cheek and wiping a tear away. “You're okay now, baby. I got you.” He kissed your forehead and you could hear him inhale your scent as he did.

“Joel.” You murmured, feeling a little overwhelmed. You needed to release these emotions, and Joel was the best at giving you just what you needed, what you both needed.

“I know, sweetheart. I know,” Joel murmured, his own gaze tear filled meeting yours before he pressed his lips to yours for a desperate kiss. You struggled to keep up with his kisses at first but then he was scraping his teeth down your jaw and sucking on your neck.

You bucked your hips up against him, his leg slipping between yours so you could grind on him. You whimpered, needing his bare skin to be slick against yours as you once again fitted together so perfectly. 

You needed the intimacy and the vulnerability of being beneath his broad form as he fucked you deep and hard, imprinting himself within you forever.

As if Joel had read your mind, he pulled back from nuzzling between your breasts, his big strong hands grasped the collar of your shirt and ripped it down the middle in one go.

You gasped at the action, at the grimace of need on his face as he began to manhandle you in a desperate need to get you naked beneath him. You unhooked your bra as he roughly pulled down your jeans and panties in one go, snarling in annoyance when your boots hampered his mission.

As soon as you were bare Joel was back on the bed and spreading your legs up and wide so he could see your perfectly soaked little cunt fluttering needily around nothing. Fuckin’ Heaven right there, he thought to himself as he dragged his eyes up your heaving belly and chest to see you biting your lip, small hands fisting the sheets beneath you.

“Please Joel, want you naked against me,” you practically begged, pupils blown out, eyes still glistening. He knew from your reaction something had scared you, probably a moment of terror in thinking you weren’t going to make it back to him in one piece or at all. The idea of that being a very real possibility that could have happened shook him to his core and he quickly tore off his clothes, not wanting to be away from your touch for longer than necessary.

He began to kiss every scrape and bruise as he made his way up your chest. Soon his eyes were looking deep into your soft gaze, your arms and legs wrapping around him and he knew he was finally home. He brushed his nose along yours, both his hands tunnelling into your pretty hair as he gazed down at you.

“You and me, darlin’, that’s all I need. Just you, I fuckin’ love you, you drive me goddamn insane with it, you know that?” His gaze was soft but intense, his words rumbled out of his pouty lips.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your own hands rubbing his back soothingly before sliding up his neck and into his hair. “But I feel the same.”

“Don’t be sorry, darlin’. You’re the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. Just scares the hell outta me,” he nearly choked on his words before burying his face into the sexy slope of your neck, inhaling your heavenly scent. “Can’t lose you, baby.”

“I’m right here, not losing me, Joel,” you responded softly before kissing his scarred temple.

Joel slowly lowered his hips as he lifted his head to kiss you, his weeping cock covering your pussy, soaking him even further. Normally Joel would prepare you, stretch you with his thick fingers and make you come on his tongue but from the way you were mewling and moving against him he knew you both needed to become one right now. Besides, you had told him plenty of times how you liked the slight pain his cock created when it stretched your little hole open, the  girth of him too wide to fit comfortably at first.

You both angled your hips, well versed in the best way to slot together hands free. Your breath hitched when the crown of his twitching cock popped inside you.

“So fuckin’ tight and wet for me, baby girl.”

“Joel,” you whimpered against his lips before your hips pushed against him, sliding more of him within your aching heat.

He stared into your watery eyes as he gripped your hip with a bruising grasp and began to push into your tightness. He loved watching the way your mouth opened into a little ‘o’ shape and the space between your brows creased cutely in pain.

“Takin’ my cock so well, you precious little fuckin’ thing,” Joel growled as he bottomed out causing you to gasp. Your perfect cunt clenching around him was like nothing he’d ever felt before. 

Your breasts heaved against his chest as he let you adjust to the stretch of him for a moment. But he had little patience right now, so he soon pulled back making you whimper sweetly and he kissed into your mouth soothingly before he moved his hand to the back of your neck and held it tightly.

Pulling back from the kiss he quickly punched his hips down and forward, slamming deep inside you and causing your body to jolt from the force, his hands holding you steady. You weren’t going anywhere.

The squeak you let out was choked off when he did it again, and again. The soundtrack to your desperate love making became the wet slapping of skin on skin, the gasps of pleasure and the cries of pain as you melded together as one. Sweaty skin sliding against hardened nipples and harsh gasps were shared as he rhythmically pounded you into the mattress

“Joel, Joel, oh God Joel don’t stop!” you pleaded wide eyes staring up at his fervent expression as he gazed down at you.

“Fuck! That’s it baby, take my cock.” Joel grimaced in pleasure.

“Please, baby. Go faster!” You yelped as his hips smacked against you, his heavy balls soaked from your arousal.

He granted your plea, arching his back so he could suck on your tight nipples, hands grasping under and over your shoulders as he began to piston sharply within you, pulling you onto his thick cock.

“Yes yes yes, gonna come,” you suddenly gasped and Joel knew it was true by how your tight little pussy started fluttering around his shaft, sucking him deep.

“Come all over me, baby girl,” he whispered against your parted lips, sweat building between you as you both moved in sync, chasing that beautiful euphoria he always granted you.

You had been feeling it build within you so deeply, you knew you were about to crest that tremendous wave of pleasure you associated with Joel and how he always spoiled you rotten when you made love. It hit deep and sharp, making you arch your back and cry out against his lips as your pussy clutched so tightly to him, never wanting him to stop or leave your most vulnerable place that he always cherished.

It caught your breath as you ascended into ecstasy, all you could do was whimper against his plush lips as you came. His hips stuttered as you tightened, unable to keep up the pace at how tightly you were grasping at him. Nails scraping his back, legs spreading further, toes curling against his thick thighs.

“Good girl, baby,” he practically whimpered as you came around him. “That’s my good girl. Fuck, I love you,” Joel growled while he quickened his pace again, the ache in his lower back completely ignored. He sat up a bit, lifted your legs so they fell over the bend in his elbows before planting his hands on the bed.

You were practically folded in half, completely dazed from that intense orgasm as he manoeuvred you however he liked. You loved when he treated you like his precious little fuck doll. 

“Oh my God, baby,” you gasped, just watching as his hulking form rose above you, his dark desperate eyes dragging from your own eyes to your bouncing breasts as he started pumping his cock into you once more. The generous crown of his cock repeatedly hit that amorous spot deep inside you that only Joel could locate.

His stare was fixated on where you were joined together as he continued to thrust, slowing a little to admire it. “Sweet little pussy is creaming all over my dick, fuck!” Joel couldn’t take his eyes away from it, your abused hole flushed with arousal and soaked with your mingling desire. “God damn, baby girl. You can really take some cock, huh?”

All you could do was whimper at the vision he made above you, greedy lustful stare focused on your needy hole stretched around the wide circumference of his wet cock pumping inside you. The broad expanse of his tanned slick shoulders, the strength of his hands as they wrapped his calloused fingers around your hips, angling them perfectly. He sat up, his knees bracketing your ass and you quickly pressed your hands up behind you knowing exactly what was coming. Your heart jumped in your chest, you loved to watch him above you like this; using you, loving you so deeply and harshly.

“Gonna cum so deep inside your cunt, baby girl. Never gonna be rid of me,” Joel growled before rolling his hips into you, knowingly hitting that special place inside you that usually had you squirting all over him. 

He never forgot that moment you’d shared with one another. Only your second time together and he had given it to you so good it was probably one of his proudest moments, his ego getting a huge boost that had been well needed at the time. 

You had been so shocked and loud, you’d practically screamed at the sensation, shivering so vulnerably beneath him afterward it had stuck deep inside his chest afterward. It had pushed him to coo to you softly at your little whimpers, telling you that you were okay, that you had been so sexy and beautiful for him.

His hips were rolling and thrusting into you making you moan and stare up at him in awe. This man was all fucking yours.

“Mine, Joel. You’re mine.”

“Yeah, baby. All yours, this cock is all yours. And who does this pussy belong to, hmm?” he questioned with a smirk as he stared down into your wide eyes as his hips picked up the pace, you continuing to reciprocate his movements like a well choreographed dance.

“Yours, my pussy’s all yours. No one else's, baby.”

“Good girl,” Joel praised before leaning over  you, his pretty lips pressing into yours, widening your mouth and swiping his tongue against yours as your pussy flooded his cock and balls creating a slapping sound that made you whimper and blush.

“Always so fuckin’ wet for me. Ain’t ya, sweetheart,” Joel groaned. “Fuckin’ love you.”

“Love you too, now fill me up, baby. Please!” You gasped against him, your foreheads now pressed against one another, mouths sharing harsh breaths. 

You braced against the headboard with one hand while moving the other to his curly hair desperately seeking purchase as your arousal grew once more. Core warming and tightening in an impending orgasm and when he shifted your position so he could press against your clit and urethra with his fingers your stomach jumped, knowing exactly what he wanted from you.

“Oh Joel,” you whined.

“Yeah baby, drench me please,” Joel encouraged and you began to flutter around the precise pumping of his twitching cock within your sensitive walls.

It hit you suddenly, your back arched with a quick scream of pleasure and the overstimulation that you associated with squirting. Joel groaned in pleasure as you burst with feeling.

“Atta fuckin’ girl, baby! That’s it, shit I’m gonna come,” Joel gasped as you soaked him, a vision beneath him, sweat slicked tits bouncing, mouth agape in a shout of intense pleasure and eyes practically rolling into the back of your head.

Joel's hips stuttered, his balls tightening even more as he felt his pleasure travel from deep within his core, up to the swollen tip of his cock. “Fuck, baby,” Joel whimpered into your neck as he began to spurt his come deep into your womb, hips stuttering and grinding against yours with the need to stuff you full of his cum.

“Yes, Joel,” you whimpered as you felt him empty himself within you. You nudged his head as he did, wanting to see his handsome face in pleasure. He lifted and looked down at you, cum still spilling, overflowing you and trickling down your ass. “That’s it, baby. Fill me up good. I want all your cum,” you whispered softly as you gazed up at him. His face was so vulnerable and needy in that moment you couldn’t help but clench around him once more.

His balls had emptied with each ejection of his cum inside you, hips finally stilling as his cock became oversensitized to the stimulation still happening.

“Easy, baby girl. Easy.” Joel chuckled as he fell against you, completely spent before kissing you so softly that your heart jumped. “You think I can go again at my age?”

“You think I can go again after that?” You giggled breathily, completely satisfied. The impending avalanche of emotions purged from you in pleasure by your lover.

“Yeah, baby. Don’t doubt yourself.” Joel rubbed his nose against yours affectionately, a small grin on his face, eyes as soft as chocolate ice-cream.

“Then you don’t doubt yourself either.”

“I know my limits and my back is shot, darlin',” Joel grumbled in annoyance, his softly grinning face turning so grumpily pouty you couldn’t help but melt, you loved that you got to see this side of him that he unveiled to no one else but you. He really was all yours.

“Oh, poor baby,” you whispered to him before nudging him to the side so he could rest flat on the mattress, his softened dick slipping out of you with a flood of his cum which tickled your still trembling thighs. You definitely planned on giving him another back massage as soon as you both got some sleep, he had fucked you so perfectly; hard and loving. He certainly deserved it. “Rest now, we’re together and that’s all that matters.”

Joel sighed as he settled into the admittedly uncomfortable bed, but with you snuggling up against his chest he had no complaints.

“I don’t want you goin’ out there without me anymore, okay? Fuck the business, you’re more important.”

You looked up at him “As long as you don’t go out there without me either, we’re more important,” you agreed with a sigh of relief.

“Just you and me, darlin’. That’s all I need,” Joel assured you.

You snuggled deeper into his strong arms, a warm sense of safety and love blanketing your heart as his arms tightened and his lips kissed the top of your head with a mumbled, “Love you, hell-raiser.”

You kissed his chest before replying, “Love you too, big guy.”

A/N: Thank you to any of you who made it to the end of this, I hope you enjoyed it! Please consider reblogging and/or commenting to help this little story of mine find new readers💕😘