#Mention of suicidal thoughts

[furiousgoldfish]

I have avpd due to traumatic incidents and emotional neglect in my childhood. And now that I'm finally working on getting back up out of the pit I'm in, I've reached a wall. And that wall is: I am so horribly hungry for positive affirmation (there is a hole in my chest for it) but everytime I ask for support, I'm so dismissive of it and it doesn't reach me or succeed to comfort me. if you have any kind of advice for it, I would really appreciate it.

ive also been suicidal for almost a decade now and it really is hard to find hope. right now it's like living from moment to moment because I catastrophize so easily...

Hmm I guess I can relate to being dismissive of people who say positive things about me. I don't accept it because I don't believe that these people really know me, I don't share their value system, and who are they anyway to tell me how things are, I like to decide for myself. Unless I already trust someone and understand how they think, I will dismiss affirmations or praise, assuming they come from ignorance.

I don't know if these are the reasons you reject it, or if you have some other reasoning behind it, or it happens automatically. Could you be rejecting them because you don't believe any of them to be true, and you feel the urge to keep a more negative view of yourself, for safety (safety=not to be proven wrong later)? Because if that's the case, then it could help for you to evaluate your life based on hard facts, all that you've done, all that you've achieved, all people you've been kind to, all people you've helped, all the kind intentions you had and all of the things you survived. Write it all down, and then say what would you call a person who's managed to do all that. You'll see there's a lot of good you've done, and a lot of things you deserve to be proud of.

I can't say I share your desire for affirmation, so I'm unable to relate - hopefully someone else reading this feels the same, and can give you some advice.

I'm so sorry about your life being so difficult and painful that suicidal thought hold over you, that is not your fault, and it's true that hope is difficult to find. I used to catastrophize extremely badly, and it helped me to read 'Complex PTSD by Pete Walker', because it described in detail that other people have the exact same thoughts, and they're generated by abuse, and there's no reality or truthfulness in it. Once I knew for sure that my catastrophic thoughts were fake, I was able to dismiss them, I only obsessed over them when I thought there was some reality to it.

I hope you find something that reassures you of all of your catastrophic thoughts, you're certainly not the only one to experience them, and they're very disconnected from reality. Sometimes it can help to list all the things that would surely prevent the worst-case scenario to happen, as well as all of the evidence you know to be true, against those scenarios even starting.

[violetthistle1]

TW: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts, depression

Sirius looked at Remus in awe. "You kept the ring? Even after you thought I—"

“I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I tried. Several times I took it to the Thames and told myself to chuck it in and be rid of it. But I could no sooner chuck myself in, though I tried that a few times too. It reminded me of better times. Even after everything, I would still hold it sometimes and imagine. Imagine a world where you loved me, where there was no betrayal, and no one we loved died, and we were happy, and we got married, and well, even that was enough. It always broke my heart into a million pieces, because I knew none of it was ever real. That I hadn’t ever even been loved, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. It was all so distorted. I couldn’t ever make it make sense. But somehow even though it always broke my heart, it also—I don’t even know how to describe it. It wasn’t hope, it was like escaping into a fantasy book, even for a moment to live in some alternate universe, it gave me a break from the reality I was forced to live in, and I would escape to that as often as I found the strength to endure it.”

“Oh Remus, you were always a bit of a masochist, but that’s on a whole new level. You do know now that I love you so much, right? And we are going to be happy again, I swear it, we will be happy again. I know we are both so different, and so much has changed, but I will take us in any form we are allowed to be.”

“Merlin, this is not how I wanted you to find out about this ring.” 

Sirius nodded. “It’s okay, no secrets, remember?” He handed Remus back the ring. “So you can have this back for now. Just know that whenever you get up the nerve to ask me, the answer is going to be yes.” 

****

Dignity be Damned, chapter 28: The Shoebox, excerpt (4)

Chapters 1-28 are available on Ao3 now!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50555698/chapters/132111325

[lil-playful-pup]

new years resolution

die or have a good time trying

[catnerdenby]

Whirl

I was planning to do Skyfire or Optimus Prime first but Whirl has consumed my brain now.

So. Whirl, huh? Gotta say, it broke tradition by scanning a mammal, not an insect. And I know it would've made SO much sense for them to be a praying mantis, but like...bat Whirl.

So. They use it/its and they/them pronouns, though they used to use he/him instead of it/its before it was empuranta-ed(?).

They're pretty similar to its MTMTE counterpart personality wise, though they're a bit less intense. Mainly because it's a parent/guardian/responsible figure now.

This is their little scraplet, its reason to keep fighting, just to make a peaceful future for them. Inside it knows though, that it's already too late.

It could rarely be home, since it was one of the few flying Autobots and was often needed in the field, but that didn't mean that they and their sparkling were distant. The opposite really.

Their backstory is very similar to IDW Whirl's but it never became a part of enforcer forces, but isolated themselves from society. There they took up carving, since it couldn't craft clocks no more thanks to those cursed clunky claws.

In order to relieve their frustration, they began carving the people they hated out of metal, and then destroyed the statues. That resulted in the surroundings of their home being littered in destroyed metal statues, which could be mistaken for real corpses.

He was arrested for attacking and killing an officer that came to investigate the reported bodies, and spent a good while in prison. There he became a punching bag, who always punched back.

After that it's again similar to IDW. Recuited by the Autopods (who promised to relieve it of its prison sentence), they became well-known for their su*cidal recklessness, and soon enough was made a part of the Wreckers.

Out on a mission,it accidentally came across a sparkling, who had not yet developed any features, and without being sure why, took the bitlet in. The full name of Red Rust came from the injury Whirl obtained from rescuing them and left untreated for quite a while. Before that they were often called little scrap and scrapling. The nicknames remained after the official name, as Red Rust was very small compared to Whirl (my Bumblebee sized).

Whirl left the Wreckers, as it had found a reason to live again, but as one of the few flyers, he still had to go out on missions.

They kept Red Rust a secret from everyone, until the fateful mission where he went MIA. As it was usual that they were away for long periods of time, the sparkling was fine for quite a while. Then another unfortunate event occurred. A battle happened very near to the place where the two of them lived.

They were found under the rubble (luckily by Autopods) and made a trainee. Unfortunately, Red Rust was slightly scared of heights, due to not having the proper flight training.

Back to Whirl. It was on the Autopod ship that crashed on Earth and thus had no way of getting back to their charge, as it was in stasis with the rest of the Autopods.

Once the crew awakened, they were more aggressive than they used to be. It lashed out at the smallest of things and caused the other Autpods to avoid it, adding to its isolatedness.

That is until the arrival of additional firepower is announced. At first they are furious about the news, but as the date inches closer, it gets excited, which worries the others, as they suspect that they might attempt to sabotage the arrival of the ship.

They are put in the brig, to its anger and frustration, but breaks out and rushes to the landing pad, just in time to witness the landing. It is attempted to be detained again, until they start desperately yelling out:"Red Rust, Red Rust!" Its captors step away in shock, but a shuffle begins among the people and Whirl kneels. A tiny dark bot bursts out from the crowd and into its arms.

After that, Whirl becomes calmer and friendlier, though it's very protective of its sparkling, and will not hesitate to attack anyone who dares to hurt them.

They become closer with the rest of the crew and the new additions as well.

Whirl and Red Rust have synchronised clocks on their chestplates, which will always tick in sync, until one of them dies in which case, the other's clock will stop.

[somanyfanficssolittletime]

TW: mention of abuse, suicidal thoughts, SelfHarm. Nothing but vague mentions, please proceed with caution in mind.

I understand where everyone under this post is coming from, but I’m on the side of asking of it’s okay to VENT, and if it comes down to it I prefer mutual tramadumping, (but even that can get toxic) or venting. VENTING AND TRAMADUMPING ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS…

I’ve had friends tell me their family is abusive in the middle of school, tell me very vivid explanations on how they plan to kill them selves in the middle of school, I’ve had friends tell me that they selfed harmed, once again IN THE MIDDLE of school.

Now, I’m very glad that they told me, I’m very glad that they let me get them help, I’m very very very grateful that I was able to talk down that one friend. But I was THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. I WAS A BABY! I was coming home every day and crying to my parents, I was already going through shit, I was dealing with so so so so much, but I wasn’t able to talk to my friends about it, because they where not in the headspace to talk to me about MY problems. And I felt like if I tried to talk to them about my issues I was being selfish. I understand that I may have just been an anxious little kid, but oh my days was it tough to go through.

I understand feeling more comfortable telling your friends your issues then a therapist, but your friends are NOT educated, trained, or have the resources to help you in the way you may need.

I’m really sorry this got heavy fast.

Here are some resources I like to point people towards, and have used myself, or heard really good things about at one point or another.

If you can think of any more helpful or more credible sources, PLEASE reblog with them attached.

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

[dumbassv32]

sketch based off that one audio :]

LOOOOK YAYYYY IT GOT DUBBED

GOT DUBBED AGAIN YAYAYAYAY

G. GUYS ANOTHER. DUB. HOLY SHIT

[the-meme-monarch]

hey. what if i got really normal about (my designs for) the fallen kids. i promise.

my prev drawings of them here :]

also scrapped doodles involving flowey bc I forgot flowey probably didn’t exist for a while until at least most of them were dead, what with alphys’ dt experiments. i just wanted kris and flowey to meet :( they grew up together in another universe

[ghostvibesonly]

wait odysseus is suicidal wait he was really gonna end his life the way he ended the infant’s wait the only people who’ve called him ody are those who hurt him badly/betrayed him wait “let me close my eyes” parallels penelope and telemachus begging him to “keep your eyes open” wait wait calypso was trying to talk him down and “stay in my open arms” unintentionally triggered the memories/hauntings of polites, eurylochus, his mom, etc wait wait athena held baby telemachus wait wait athena is dead?? wait wait wait

[dykedvonte]

Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.

Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.

They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.

I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.

[sepiamestus]

If ur thinking about killing urself u can always make banana bread. Btw

[beneathsilverstars]

this sucks so bad i want to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen your mental health] eat a star and transform into an abstract astral being, leaving both the horrors and the joys of my life to an alternative self while i pass the time napping under a tree

[sen-ya]

OOF so this is one I very roughly blocked out after reading 1081 and always meant to finish, then when I went into the file to finish it it corrupted. So it'll stay like this, transcript's under the cut and I assume it's particularly needed for this one.

[pg1] panel 1: Law: This life is a cruel joke! Why can't something just fucking kill me already?!

panel 2: Luffy: Torao -- Law: Don't fucking touch me Straw Hat!!

panel 3: Law: What would you know about loss?!

panel 4: Zoro: Hey, watch it!

panel 5: Law: Torao --

panel 6: Law: I was there when your brother died!

[pg2] panel 7: Luffy: Torao, please. Law: That's your body count, Strawhat! Luffy: Just come back -- Law: People flock to you, your family returns from the dead! Luffy: Listen to me --

panel 8: Law: While my family sinks to the bottom of the ocean!

panel 9: Law: Why aren't I with them?! Luffy: Because you're meant to live, Torao!

panel 10: Law: But I don't want to!!! I never asked to survive!!!

[pg3] panel 11: Law: It's cruel, Lu-ya. Cruel, and cold, and empty!

panel 12: Law: Please don't make me keep living. I'm past this life. I'm tired. I'm tired. Luffy: Torao Law: I'm so tired.

panel 13: Law: I know you want me to be alive. But can't I be selfish, Lu-ya? Can't I just rest? Luffy: Not like this.

panel 14: Luffy: I'm even more selfish than you. I won't grant you that peace. Law: sob

[pg4] panel 15: Luffy: We're gonna get your crew back. Franky will build you a new ship. Law: I don't want to. hic. Luffy: I don't care. Law: Lu-ya, let me go. Luffy: No.

panel 16: Luffy: Just go to sleep for now. That's rest you can have.

panel 17: Law: You can't tell me what to do.

panel 18: Luffy: There you go. That's the spirit.

[naffeclipse]

Randomly remembered my time loop au :) and how you get killed by the DCA for the first time in the time loops, and to you, it's no big deal. It's fine. You literally came back so it's not a big deal. Right? Wrong.

You try to go to the pizzaplex to start the (same) day but you discover that you can't get through the front doors despite buying a ticket. The staff bot dryly informs you that you have been registered as a dangerous individual who is not permitted to enter the pizzaplex, which is new, to say the least. You think there's a mistake.

You try again the next day. You're still barred from entering but have nothing but a day free of consequences to do whatever you please, so you break in. Before you reach the daycare, security bots catch you.

You shout at the DCA. Sun can hear you. You know he can but his back stays to you as he watches children color with their little crayons and you briefly remember Moon's hands closing in on your throat with the strange violet glow of his eyes being the last thing you saw—but you're fine. Can't he see that you're fine? You're not dead! You can't stay dead! Why is he doing this to you? He didn't forget you. No, you refuse to consider it because if he didn't know you, he would be staring at the crazy person trying to break into the daycare, but he doesn't. He doesn't meet your eyes.

The next day (again), you find your breaking and entering point is now crawling in security bots. You know he knows. Why is he keeping you away? A spark of anger takes hold and you ignite. He is all you have. He can't make you stay away. You look straight at one of the security cameras. This is a challenge now. You tell him you have nothing but time, baby, and you'll see him again and make him see you rosy cheek and breathing.

You've died before. You've had accidents in the time loop before, you've had reckless, impulse decisions that ended with you mangled, and you've even had a few times where you've taken care of yourself because you wanted it to end but the same day starts over and over so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing mattered until you found him. And he remembered you.

Please, Sun. Don't do this. Don't be scared. You're so alone and afraid and if you don't have him, if you don't have Moon, you have nothing. You still feel his cold digits closing in around your throat but you're more terrified of going back to the days when you experienced it all alone. You'll come back tomorrow (the same day again). Please.

You wake up. It's the same day. It will always be, you fear. You get to the pizzaplex and somehow, you're allowed inside. You're anxious, rushing to the daycare, immune to the strange looks parents give you because it doesn't matter, they will not remember this moment or you. But someone will. You reach the castle doors and push them open and he's there. His head is low and his hands are held behind his back like they're weapons, like they're ropes for hanging, but you fling yourself at him. You wrap your arms around his skinny torso and press your cheek against his chassis and breathe again for the first time in days (the same day, over and over). You tell him in a wet, fierce voice to never do that again.

He tells you that it's not safe. His hands hover over your shoulder blades, his off-yellow digits curling in apprehension, afraid to even hold you. What if the time loop ends and they come back out of the dreadful glitch, and you're in their arms, not breathing? They can't allow that. They won't.

You tell him you would prefer that over enduring the time loops without them—but then he grabs you by the arms. He pries you off him, holding you with taut fingertips digging into your flesh. Is the glitch back? His eyes are pale and the dull gray iris within is sharp like an end. Your heart bobs in your chest. His voice dips into a growling, vicious thing when he tells you to never say that again. You cannot think that or they will ban you forever. They will never see you again. Do you understand?

You almost sob, but you nod, biting your bottom lip. Okay. Just don't stay away from you, okay?

He slowly loosens his hold. Your arms ache but it doesn't matter. He tilts his sun rays and nods. They promise. And he wraps you back in the hug you've been looking for after so many days (every day again and again).

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but  Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]

Ch1 Ch2

Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.

Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.

Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.

Gai: Papa

[gai sighs] [window sliding]

Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors

Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?

Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool

Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen

Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...

Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.

Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury

Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.

Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.

Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...

Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny

Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive

[gai crying]

[Gai sobbing/crying]

[candiewrapper]

tw // mention of suicide

window thoughts

[starlightshore]

Lingering Spirits - A Danny Phantom AU where Danny moves to Amity 2 years after the Portal Incident. Combo of Alicia Adoption (Farmboy AU) + Nobody Knows AU

A more serious/ Horror take on the AUs

Hoof, starting on a morbid foot. Please note that it's intentional that Sam is romanticizing death and has over-blown anti-human feelings. they're a depressed teenager! they're going through it and they're coping the only way they know how. They'll learn to grow more healthy world views and ways of dealing with their depression with time. Please don't assume I'm condoning their world-view lol.

Anyway on a lighter note, I wanted Sam and Tucker to look different than my usual AU stuff in this AU, so I hope you guys like the design change!

Updates will be infrequent as I'm pretty busy. However, I did this on a team call day so I was kind of productive in my other projects haha!