#Men still dont talk to me because I am still Dark Eve | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cassyapper · 4 years ago

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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

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wilhellmine · 4 years ago

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#13DaysofGA - Zaaron - Christmas Eve

Wooohooo, here is my little something to participate in the 13DaysofGA!

Be ready for some Zaaron cheer! EEEEEEYYYYYYY!!! OOOOOH!!! EEEEY! OH! Well... XD

I strongly recommend to listen to LVNDVNs “Dragon” as a soundtrack ;-)

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Theme: 4) Christmas lights at night... or maybe 10) Naughty or nice?

The door bell rang for a long time.

Zaks headache couldnt take it.

And then again. Someone rang the bell at his door.

"What the fuck? Its freaking Christmas eve, who the hell would..." mumbled Zak while walking to the door. When he opened them, he was actually surprised who paid a visit to his house on this dark, windy and chill December night. "Im here for the usual Christmas dinner," explained Aaron why his tall and, now, compared to his younger self, so thin figure is what Zak saw when he opened the door. "What dinner, bro, what are you talking about?" "The one we used to have every year... as a crew, with our families together..." Aaron was looking confused. "Oh man... yeah... well... Im not hosting it this year, you know? I... I thought Billy or Jay told you." "Yeah, they did, but I thought its a joke," shrugged Aaron his shoulders.

Zak was tired. He just wanted to get into the bed, curl into a ball and maybe even leave a few tears to escape his eyes and make their way to the pillow, thinking how the fuck old he is and how the fuck alone he feels without having someone to cuddle to, before he fells asleep.

"Aaron... Why... why arent you at home? With your... fiancée?" "Because... On Christmas eve, Im always here. With you. And the guys." "Aaron, again, no ones coming, you get it?" "Then... wheres your mother?" "My mom? Dude, for the last time, there is no party tonight. You get it? Even my mom is at home, probably already asleep, which I would like to be too, so... you should go home." "And what am I gonna do with these then?" Aaron pulled his hand from behind his back, showing Zak a bouquet of flowers. "Well, you take them!"

Tiger Lilies...

"What am I gonna do with flowers?" "I dont know, but Im not gonna take these all the way home." "Why not? Victoria would definitely love them. They are... beautiful." "No, you take them."

Where did he got Tiger Lilies in the middle of winter?

"You like them, you take them."

The both went awkwardly silent, Zak staring at the bouquet, that, who knows how, ended in his hands, Aaron scratching his head and shifting from one foot to another.

"Come in, you ass," growled Zak. Aaron smiled brightly and followed Zak inside to the dark house. Aaron took off his coat and then his hoodie. Zak didnt even bother to turn on the lights, the fireplace and the colorfully lit small christmas tree in the corner were enough for him.

"Im sorry, Ive got a little headache, so... I like when its darker around me..." "Its okay," said Aaron silently. "Im used to darkness." "Yeah..." "So? No party tonight?" "No, man," sighed Zak. "I didnt want to see... I mean... You all have your families... like, girlfriends... The only woman visit me for celebrating Christmas with me is my mom. So why are you here, Aaron? Why arent you with your girl? Or, if you thought that Im joking, why didnt you take her with you to celebrate with the whole crew?" "You know why I came. Im always with you on Christmas eve. And I wont change that tradition." "But Victoria..." "Gosh, Zak! You know what I am and I felt so bad about what Im feeling and she offered me this fake relationship thing so that you..." "What?" slipped from Zaks mouth. Aarons face was covered with shadows, but his eyes were sparkling with fire. "What do you mean? What fake relationship? And what does it have to do with me?" "Forget that. I should go." "No! I want an explanation!" shouted Zak while grabbing Aarons arm, holding him close firmly, so he wont escape. "Zak... dont pretend like you dont know." "About what?"

The wind outside changed to a storm. The christmas tree lights blinked and turned off. The only light in the living room was now the fire, who wasnt burning anymore, just a few glowing embers were slowly dying in the ashes. The two men were surrounded by darkness.

Aaron took another step closer.

"Dont play stupid. I like you. A lot."

Aarons voice almost sounded like a wolf snarl. Zak could feel chills all over his body.

The christmas lights flickered again. Zak almost jumped out of his skin, when the radio turned on by itself.

"And now we are gonna play a song for all of those who would love to spend their Christmas with someone they are longing for, but they cant..." spoke the, in Aarons opinion, "too-happy" voice from the radio and Zak realized that his hands are now grasping Aarons shoulders. "Its ok, its just the radio... the electricity is working again... sometimes it turns on some items, if you dont unplug them before they shut the power off and then on again," explained Aaron. "Seems like were going to have a party in the end, dont we?"

Aaron embraced Zak around his waist, swaying with him to the slow rhythm of the song that begun to play.

All of the pressure Makes you drift and wander If all the paths we've paved Love remains true And gravity ain't the one to blame You should know Where I wanna be Who I wanna see...

"If you like me... then fucking prove it."

Let's not beat around that bush Lets not feed the fairy tales Here it in the way way way...

Aaron kissed Zak gently, tightening his hold around him.

You wanna believe that I'm down with ya I'm down with ya Imma help you see that I'm down with ya Yea im down with ya...

"Do more," whispered Zak. "Make me believe you." "Careful how you approach me, I might..."

Aaron pulled Zak down on the couch, kissing his neck, biting on the flesh, leaving wet, burning marks all over Zaks fragile, porcelain white skin.

"More," breathed Zak into Aarons ear.

Aarons hand found its way under Zaks tshirt, travelling with fingertips over Zaks collarbone and then down to the belt of his pants.

"You dont know what you wish for..." "Prove it to me. I need to know that you want me as much as I want you... Do it finally..."

Zaks thoughts are hazed, and hes feeling lightheaded, Aarons eyes still connected with his, a soft moan escapes his lips, as Aaron touches him, his hand almost rough on the sensitive spot, but Zak enjoys it, he loves it oh so much, and he allows himself to think that this Christmas could maybe be the best he ever had, as Aaron silences his now loud moans with kisses.

Give that feeling to you oh yea...

#13daysofga2020 #zaaron #zak bagans #aaron goodwin #ghost adventures slash

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cuteandtwisted · 5 years ago

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Do you do new year resolutions?

Hmm not really no. I’m not really motivated to do anything in the winter. It’s too cold and dark and most of my energy goes into waking up and getting myself out of bed and into the subway.

However, i had two interesting conversations on new year’s eve with friends of mine that left me thinking, thinking, thinking.

The first one was with my queer friend who’s going through a breakup. He’s been struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality for a few years now. At first he came out as bisexual, then recently told us that he’s actually exclusively interested in men. His journey has been inspiring to follow and i’ve always been proud of him for being so open and transparent with both himself and others. We were walking and talking about new year’s resolutions when he said that he wants to work on his “shame” in 2020. And when i said what so you mean? he replied with “don’t you notice that I never call myself gay? That I always say queer or not straight instead?” I had noticed that but as someone who struggles with similar themes i never paid it too much attention or put too much emphasis on it. He said that the word “gay” still sounds negative and dirty to him subconsciously, and that even though he identifies as a gay man, he can never bring himself to call himself that in front of others because of remnants of his internalized homophobia. Shit broke my heart but also left me rattled. Because. wow. ditto.

The second conversation, i happened to overhear actually. My friend was talking to some guy who asked her if she was a lesbian, and she said “no I’m pansexual actually. why?”

I kept my eyes glued to my phone, nervous and a bit flabbergasted. I’ve known her for a while but I never knew she identified as pan because we NEVER talked about it. I always assumed she was straight because she openly and frequently shared her, uhm, thirst over some cis guys and I never questioned it. Most girls I know are either 100% straight or 100% gay and i never really felt like i fit in or like i could open up. because i felt like i’d be a burden to both, like i was in a very special category all by myself. But that’s not true. And my earlier assumption is probably completely wrong too. Sexuality is a spectrum after all. Right?

Still. The most memorable thing to me from that new years eve party (or rather 4 parties) was the ease with which my friend uttered the words “No. I’m pansexual. Why?” I was filled with so much proxy shame and anxiety on her behalf. And it’s completely nonsensical because I never flinch when the answer is lesbian or gay or straight. But how come i always do when it’s “my label”. Why can i never conceive a conversation in which i own up to it and live it? Why am i so secretive and private with that part of myself with people i care most about? Why do i feel like i’ll be seen differently or like im taking up space in lgbtq+ spaces, or like i dont deserve to talk about how i feel? Why do i constantly bring up boys when my friends joke about me staring at some girl for a beat too long? Idk

I don’t do resolutions cause i can never stick to them but i hope that i’ll be more honest and open this year. I hope i won’t be as ashamed and guilt laden this year. I hope i let myself take up some space and feel and love more freely and honestly this year. I hope i don’t have to drown in shame and misery after a night out letting myself feel what i feel and want what i want this year. I hope i can say “no, i’m pansexual. why?” this year.

Sorry for the word vomit.

#personal #like hella #word vomit

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queendeanofpie · 5 years ago

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Of Dragons Strawberries and Godparents Part two

"Ben no!" Mal squeaked as Ben caught her in his arms hugging her as she giggled "I know I said no running away but this time I'm insisting!"

"Aw come on" Ben chuckled nuzzling into her neck as Mal felt heat crawl up her wings from the contact as they spread and she practically purred nuzzling back.

"If you keep this up, I'm going to set something on fire" She whispered smirking as she leaned up into his face kissing him gently patting his arms. Ben reluctantly let her go chuckling.

"But wouldn't that be fun to explain to my parents" He snorted going to grab something setting it in a basket as Mal shook out the wings in relief feeling the heat fade.

"Yeah that you were turning me on and accidentally set the couch on fire" Mal muttered under breath as Ben snorted making her giggle.

"How's the cravings?" He asked softly looking over at her as she took a deep breath.

"I uh . . . .. . .I may have eaten three baskets of strawberry's the other day" She admitted paying sudden attention to her nails as she sat on the bed. "And the day before that a whole cake."

"What about the hoarding?" He raised an eyebrow "None of that yet?"

"Not that I know of" Mal turned pink shrugging "It's . . . I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes . . .acting like a dragon" She admitted crossing her arms admiring something on two of her fingers on the right hand.

"Is that why your wearing two of Evies accessory rings?" Ben said without skipping a beat as he grabbed a few more things stuffing them into a small picnic basket.

Mal's eyes widened as she took in the two rings she had, just a second ago, been admiring the shine of. "Oh Evie is going to kill me!"

"Chill out" Ben laughed picking up the basket and walking over to take her hand leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek "Evie was already warned. Besides she's ecstatic she's not going to mind one bit"

"Take them . . . before I decide to hide them and actually horde them" Mal insisted holding out her hand. Ben chuckled taking them off and putting them in his pocket before pulling her up from the bed.

"Now let's go on that picnic" He smiled as she linked hands with his.

______________________

"Mal . . . . . .mall wake up" A gentle voice was in her ears and Mal gave a groan as she turned over blinking sleepily. She was very warm sitting in the sunlight and some just had to interrupt her basking and her-

"Oh" Mal breathed shooting up taking a deep breath realizing what she had been thinking before she squealed realizing what was on her now.

"I just woke up to a ton of chipmunks yeah" Ben grinned at her as they all squeaked and began to clamber down off of her.

"No no wait!" Mal pouted seeing them scurry off.

"They got to go home it's getting dark" He smiled pointing to the sky "We slept the whole afternoon away"

______________________

Doug watched as Evie ranted excitedly to him about the baby, watching as she was fashioning something entirely too tiny for anyone that was in Auradon yet.

"That's the fifth outfit you've made, Eve she's still like . . . only 3 months in"

"I am going to make all this child's clothes!"

______________________

" . . .Ben?"

It was mal's soft whisper. It was late and about 4 months since they had found out about it all. She had a small arm draped over her stomach and was curled against Ben's side on her own side.

"Yeah?" He yawned snuggling into her wrapping his arms around her baby bump as she took a deep breath

"I know who I want the god parents to be" She smiled softly rubbing her stomach feeling it flutter slightly from the baby kicking.

"Mhm" Ben hummed quietly nuzzling into her again pressing his nose against her neck.

"Evie . . .Jay, Carlos and . . . Audrey" She whispered softly nuzzling into him as she felt him smile.

"Audrey?"

" . . . .I . . .I feel like she'll protect them if something happens. Like her grandmother tried to" She whispered softly nuzzling him as she closed her eyes.

______________________

"We're godparents!" Harry's eyes widened as he jumped up and down and Uma raised an eyebrow from the couch of their new den, or the pirate themed dorm room.

"How does me being one make you one?" Audrey is giggling as Harry bounces up and down with her, the fun loving pirate infectious to the normally prim princess.

"Because yer my girlfriend!" He beamed "Which makes me honorary Godfather to the child!"

"That includes me" Gil gasped "Because I'm in a bromance with Jay according to Carlos!"

"It sure does!" Harry laughed spinning Audrey around suddenly as Uma snorted watching them with only a slight disgust.

"Get a room" She huffs. "If you guys are god parents then I'm the God parent" She puffs out her chest from where she's lounging across the couch.

All three stop and stare at her in confusion and in Audrey's case slight shock before Gil just shrugs and grins

"Uma is the captain so duh!"

______________________

"Why exactly are you hiding here?" Harry looks up where Mal had just burst in collapsing on the rope lounge. It was supposed to be a hammock but none of the three had every mastered that so it was just ropes suspended like a hammock but in a corner making a little triangle. Mal was on top taking a deep breath.

"Because I can't handle anymore of him hovering over my shoulder" She breathed taking a deep breath "I'm about to set something on fire!"

"Please dont, it'll smoke" Harry says dismissively where he's at the tiny kitchenette cooking something.

"Hey Harry you need to talk with me because if Ben asks me one more time about . ." Audrey is the second to burst in and freezes at the sight of Mal who's eyes flash green in shock and neither are expecting what happens next.

There's a burst of bright blue and purple sparks around mall and suddenly the tiny cacti and ivy plants in the window explode with growth the vines covering the windows now.

"Oh great" Mal groaned burying her face in her hands as she felt tears suddenly brimming in her eyes as she starts crying. "Ben's going to see those and get upset and worried and then I'll have to explain, and I don't want to explain why I don't want to be hovered over and-"

Audrey is going over to shake her shoulders and both her and Harry are surprised when Mal suddenly hugs her forcefully pulling her onto the rope lounge sniffling before giving another sob. Audrey overcomes the shock and slowly tries to get up. Mal sobs and holds on tighter and Harry makes a vague motion to her as she sighs holding the girl back as she cried. She jumps when mal starts petting her hair but stays there eventually shaking her head.

"Oh! There you are" Fairy godmother pops in and Mal squeaks both girls clinging to each other now as suddenly Audrey's hair is woven with flowers after a few sparks of blue and purple.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Mal realizes with shock she's been cuddling Audrey and turns bright red as she lets go and Audrey coughs smiling.

"What is her remedial goodness in my den for if you might indulge me" Harry asked amused waving a spatula as Audrey giggles at the sight.

"Welll~ I was here to ask Mal, how she felt about a baby shower and if I could plan it" She beams from the door just peeking in as Mal thinks about it and suddenly freezes.

Both girls freeze and Harry can tell both are thinking of their parents and snorts as both girls slowly look at each other and shake their heads.

"Don't think we should" Mal hums nodding as Audrey agrees.

"Might upset someone if we forget to invite them" Audrey says shyly as Fairy godmother suddenly catches on and nods awkwardly before slowly leaving and closing the door.

______________________

It was late evening approaching 10 at night when it happened

Mal is walking through the enchanted woods headed for the lake to meet with Ben for a late night date by firelight when she feels her water break. Her eyes widen as she immediately crumples into a tree her wings flapping to steady her as she groans holding her stomach.

"Of all the times" She whispers as sparks burst around her and a few squirrels come out to dance around her feet. The sparks fade and Mal finds white lily's growing around her and winces again as the pain comes on stronger

"Ben!" She yells barely holding back a groan as she trys to use her wings to flap and take some of the weight off her feet to walk down the path some holding her stomach. She stops after a minute and focus as she leans against the tree catching her breath. Finally Mal gets an idea and straightens as another bout of pain comes.

Her eyes fly open and Mal feels fangs against her tongue as she opens her mouth her eyes bright green. a loud roar sounds and after a minute she finally stops as she lets out a small wail holding her stomach.

"Mal!!" She hears Ben finally and she gives a small smile before looking down wincing

"Baby, Baby is coming" She blurts before taking a deep breath "Strawberry's are being grown Ben!"

He freezes recognizing the phrase they had agreed on as his eyes widen "Oh . . . oh, oh come on uh! . . . uh let's get back to evie's!" He grabs her and helps her as Mal feels better with him there wincing every once in a while.

Once they get to the hospital after getting help at Evie's , Ben was ushered inside with Mal in a special room, that had special enchantments. It was a gift from fairy godmother, who, according to her, had some experience with magical births and didn't want to take any chances.

Belle, Adam, and Hades were seated outside with belle between the two men who both were awkwardly looking away from each other. Each parent turned to the room every time there was a loud roar or wail from Mal.

Hades was the first to notice the commotion at the front desk grinning as he heard several voices.

"Uh . . .Y-Your relation with the parents?"

There's a clearing of a throat and everyone can make out Evie who steps to the front of the group. She's the only one dressed the others in various degrees of pajamas. Gil is shirtless with fluffy teddy bears on his pajamas and his usual bandanna missing. he's shoe less, and other than Evie, Doug and Jane are the only ones wearing proper shoes.

The most notorious of the group as far as dress is Harry, who's wearing no shirt, black leggings for pajama pants baby blue socks and Audrey's pale pink silk robe untied around him. Audrey is still in her sleep mask with it pulled up on her forehead. She's wearing harry's over sized shirt and pink flannel pajamas.

Doug is wearing plain white pajamas and Jay is matching but in all red and black instead of white. Uma and Lonnie are in the back slightly hiding from everyone that they accidentally grabbed each other's shirts. Lonnie has got the sea teal shirt with shells drawn all over it and Uma has the one with Japanese script, that means 'Sleep is for the weak'

Carlos is in an adorable little black crop top that goes down two thirds of his stomach with puppies on it, and Jane is matching with a white one, and both are pale blue pajama pants.

Evie is wearing a knee length skirt and a fashionable blue blouse with short sleeves and a single red jeweled heart pendant her hair back in a ponytail. She steps forward showing simple black slippers as she puts her hands on her hips finally answering the nurse.

"We're the godparents."

______________________

"You can come in now" Ben whispered as he opened the door and Hades and Adam both shoulder check on accident when they get up too fast.

They glare at each other and Belle slips in between them before the two follow her as Mal lay asleep on the bed. Gone are the wings but she's now in a flower crown of white lilly's , and Hades chuckles seeing burnt curtains thrown in the trash.

That's when they see the baby. It's cooing in the basket and Ben is smiling proudly from next to it. It's hair is a soft sparrow brown just like Belle's but the ends slightly crackle with electricity that Hades can't tell whether it's magic or lightning akin to his brothers. The ends of her hair are also blue and it makes Hades puff out his chest.

"That's my granddaughter."

"Yeah . . . yes it is" Adam finally speaks and he smiles softly seeing the soft brown in his granddaughter's hair that matches his wife's.

"I'd like to welcome . . . ." Ben takes a deep breath "Adriana Persephone Florian"

___________

SMH TUMBLR HAS GLITCHED FIVE TIMES IN THE MAKING OF THIS

Please enjoy I worked to get it here

Part one

#queendeanofpie #queendeanwrites #ben x mal #mal x ben #bal #disney decendants #smh tumblr

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cosmosogler · 7 years ago

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hey, you know what’s really fun, but also essentially impossible? doing things after a dog barks directly into your ear hole before sunrise the third morning in a row!!!

this time it was really cool because i had taken the dogs out around 12:30 right before i went to bed so that cleo would not feel motivated to wake me up BEFORE 5 AM again. but later in the morning i found out that she actually just barked at my mom and dad to let her out literally every single hour between 12 and 5. and then when they kicked her out of their room to try and sleep a little bit she came back up to my room and jumped on my face and barked in my ear. so i kicked all the dogs out and she RATTLED MY DOOR AND HOWLED AGAIN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL MORNING!!! also she managed to soil two spots on the carpet near the stairs somehow, despite it only being less than four hours between trips outside.

so i gave up trying to sleep before my alarm went off at 9. then i fed the dogs and let them outside and cleaned up the poop. then i went back in my room and internally cried for a good 15 minutes before i finally got in the shower. i was almost too tired to, but i did shave my legs and clip my nails and wash my hair and brush all of my teeth. i wanted so badly to go back to sleep but by then it was after 10 and i am trying not to take naps because i don’t like having obnoxious nightmares and also it messes up my sleep schedule.

i must have done things in the morning but i don’t really remember... i watched some youtube videos. i will stop eventually...

i was really too tired to even think about dealing with anyone today so i didn’t look up local activities to try. poor wiley was hot and tired even indoors.

i had my thai leftovers for lunch and caught on fire. someday i will learn. i think it burned so much it just made me completely forget about my usual stomach pain and nausea. after that i got out some dry dust wipes and cleaned out half the window blinds and the little tables by the couches. tomorrow i will do the other half.

my head really hurts... i spent a while today going through some steam recommendations in preparation for the summer steam sale. i figure, the more games i find that i’d like, the more likely it will be that at least one of them will become affordable with my budget during the sale.

mom said we could go out for ice cream/frozen yogurt after dinner since my brother and i had done our chores almost every day the whole week. then she forgot! she agreed to do it tomorrow, but i don’t really believe her. maybe i will just kidnap my brother and drive us over to the frozen yogurt place.

ummm i don’t recall a lot between that and dinner. oh, i stole the bag of hershey’s chocolate and ate a few and then returned it saying “i desire no more chocolate.”

and i had to sort through a bunch of old books looking for ones i wanted to keep. i found some pretty interesting ones! and i wanted to save my dream analysis book because i like it and should probably take another look at it. but i found some really REALLY dumb books my parents have bought over the years. “how to choose the sex of your baby!!!” the dreaded Puberty Book and A Whole Bunch Of Life/Relationship/Woman Advice From White Dudes I Dont Care About. also apparently we had like five variations of the chicken soup for the soul books but i only ever recall reading one. there was a story about a kid that died from like cancer (i think she wasn’t christian? it was chicken soup for the christian teenage soul so the narrator probably said she went to hell) and i cried really hard when i read it and didn’t pick up the books ever again after that.

so i don’t know why there were five of them.

hahaha mom had over a dozen books on management efficiency that looked like she had gotten them when she was studying to be an accountant. and dad’s zillion books on history (mostly us history). he actually, like, had books that weren’t written by white dudes sometimes? so i don’t know how he turned out so racist.

mom made spaghetti for dinner. it was fine. i buried it under a mountain of parmesan cheese. while we were eating mom mentioned we would be in hawaii for an extra three days after the rest of the family left. i just about dropped my head into the tomato sauce. but then i heard we would be hanging with my late aunt joyce’s daughter and her family!

my brother asked who she was and mom said “oh, you know, my cousin. you’ve met her before.” and my brother said “ok who is she” and mom said “i could say something that will make you remember” and my brother said “ok who is she” and mom said “the one with the girlfriend.”

my brother made a disgusted face. “oh. why are we spending time with her.”

when he saw me he said “i don’t have a problem with stuff like that, i just find it strange.”

and mom said “it’s very strange.”

and i said “YOU’RE strange.”

“everyone is strange,” my brother agreed. “but that’s really strange.”

“your hair is strange,” i interrupted.

dad made some asinine comment about how i tolerate any opinion. i said “no” and my brother was about to say something but i cut him off. “you’re sixteen, i don’t respect your opinion.” he thought that was pretty funny so that got us off the topic and instead arguing about how much of an old fart i am.

later when i was back upstairs i sent a message to asher. “fortunately, this has not changed my coming-out plans of ‘never.’”

when the sun went down i took wiley over to the mailbox. it was still too hot though and he didn’t even protest that much when we went back inside like 6 minutes later.

then i spent the evening watching a bunch of youtube videos! i finished the queue i had lined up instead of coloring the owls. probably gonna do that in the morning. i will pencil it into my schedule as a suggestion. i ran out of time tonight because i saw that folding ideas had finally uploaded another video.

oh, and marisol came and picked up her dogs. she apologized for cleo being such a butt and i helped her load them and their supplies into the car. i think she had planned on paying me? but it didn’t feel right pressing about it while she was exhausted. and i don’t remember if she actually offered to pay me or what i might have said about not worrying about it. i do need the money... but it would be awkward to ask. wouldn’t it? but i can’t wait like a whole week. maybe i should talk about that with my therapist tomorrow.

because, like, i don’t really mind watching her dogs? but it was a huge time and energy investment for me and it did prevent me from working on/thinking about a bunch of stuff for therapy because i was so god dang tired. and it would feel weird at this point to do such a huge favor for literally nothing. yet again!!!

i don’t even really feel greedy about it? at this point i recognize that letting people thank me for doing things, or letting them chip in for gas if i’m driving us somewhere or whatever, actually is more helpful to everyone than insisting on shouldering the whole cost. because it helps your guests feel less awkward and it does really relieve some of that pressure on the favor-doer. like, usually my friends (real friends at least) like to help out as much as i do! and i always feel kind of put out and nervous when they don’t let me help, like maybe they will call on the incident later in a bad light or that they are burning themselves out. so i don’t put them in that situation, just by accepting their offers.

but if they don’t make the offer and i still ask for compensation am i an asshole at that point? or is that an assertive thing to do?

i am going to call it a night just a little bit early tonight... i want that extra twenty minutes of potential sleep. or at least laying quietly in the dark not hearing any loud annoying noises. eve’s snoring is ok. she is not loud and annoying.

oh, one more thing. today i unfriended a couple people on facebook. i also found a few of my recent classmates and added them instead. i unfriended a couple villanova classmates that regularly tag craig in their posts... sometimes along with me. THANKS GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!

since by “not taking a side” at the time and essentially ignoring me when i started becoming a suicidal recluse as i realized no one liked me (at least, liked me more than they liked craig), i decided to circumvent the whole awkward conversation and just unfriend them instead of asking them to tag either me or craig, but not both, in their posts. because they’re just gonna tag craig anyway and just phase me out of their social media even more.

because you know what? i don’t care about them either. i’m not interested in salvaging my friendship with people i haven’t seen in years and weren’t even really all that nice to me when i was in classes with them.

sometimes you just gotta bail. and that’s ok. i’ve done it before many times. there isn’t really any point in hanging out with people who value their friendships with predators more than they value the safety of their other friends. my social circle is smaller, but the lack of actual predatory men who have actually violated other people (sometimes, but not always, me) is worth it.

i feel like that’s something i am having trouble getting my therapist to understand. and every time i try to bring up examples to show the rationale behind my decisions and habits, she tells me i’m living in the past and need to let it go.

ok, yeah, i should probably let it go sometimes. and also, not just live moment to moment without considering how people have acted in the past when making decisions in the present! because that’s what learning is!!!

i can’t figure out a good note to end this on. when i think i’ve come to a conclusion i find that i have more words to spew out on the page. so i will go to bed now. i hope you are doing ok.

#tw assault #i mention that it happened but dont give an account or anything

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gsjdoagwiabdiwiq · 4 years ago

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ugh not to be fucked on main [lol this is the furthest thing from main] but like i dont understand attraction. ive been alive for almost 24 years and i dont know why people are attracted to others or how they define it or what they mean. as well as my own attraction. and it seems like everybody out there knows this shit already. and it’s like in school everyone figured it out and i guess i did not. i dont know if what i identified as a crush was a crush or not. i dont know anything and i hate not knowing anything. because if i dont know it i can’t name it. and i would like to be able to name it. but how do you name it if you've never tried it? and like am i just too emotionally stunted to understand like emotional relationships? so then fast forward a year to my moving to ohio and i just dont even know bc i went to orientation and like there was this girl and i just could suddenly picture like dating her and i dont know why bc i generally like didnt hang around dateable men [ie taken or gay] or just like holding hands or whatever which is weird and she came over to talk to me first bc i was what? eating alone. and the first thing i noticed was her eyes looked like rami maleks who i was like presently a little obsessed with as i had just seen borhap. and like it would like make so much sense you know if the reason i didnt date or get asked out or that i only hooked up in dark drunk places was bc i wasnt actually interested in men. but like what the fuck is attraction bc i dont understand it. what makes u attracted to one gender or sex over the other. why does it matter. is it because you like having some things stunk in you but not others? is it bc you like certain extremities but not others? at what point does it matter? is that the main point of attraction is what sex feature you have? and why is that ? is it bc of what society has ingrained in us? like what’s the difference between kissing a clean shaven man and a small chested woman? i dont know . that’s like kind of the whole point of this. and the other thing is that like if i am attracted to men which what does that even mean? and women, why haven't i been in a relationship or been talking with someone? and if i am not attracted to men, what does that mean? like was it all bc of society? and then like if i am just attracted to women, and i dont know that i am, which is what i do not appreciate. why is it still a mystery?? like everyone figures their shit out in high school. but not me. not me. and if i am attracted to women, what does that even look like? what kinds of attraction have i missed bc i just ignored it? and then people talk about crushes and shit and how you’re suppose to get nervous around people you like but that never really happened to me so again what the fuck is wrong with me? and like maybe it’s just the gay people that i know that are like just very expressive- ie theatre, drag, etc that there is like a more subtle way of being that i just have not ever seen before. and the thing is i dont know. i look at the check lists of what makes you gay or bi and i check off a good amount always. but like this is the one thing in like that is just you are the only one who can say what’s what. you can't take a test no one can point and say yes or no or whatever. and it’s really fucking annoying bc all i want is to know aht i am. but i focused on school in school and i didnt talk about boys or anything with my main friend group. cut to today when one is engaged, one is a lesbian and in a relationship, and the last one is in a relationship as well. and here i am, me, where i have never been in a relationship, the last time i saw people from my hometown i refused to admit that i even drank bc we were still underage and it’s just like . i dont know. ive always been either closed off with people i know or very open. and i just want to know. like how do people just know this and understand their attraction??? i am very confused.

like my history goes like this: nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing my best friend of 11 years moves away and my other friend asks me in 4th grade who i have a crush on and i said i didnt bc i had never thought about it i just happened to miss my best friend who moved across the country a lot. and so she assumed it was him and i sort of agreed and i still dont really understand that whole premise. and then in the 7th grade i guess i was flirting with this kid in my chorus class who happened to be popular and i just thought it was cool bc he was popular but idk. anyways he asks me to the dance and without thinking about it i say no. and i dont know why. i later chalked it up to if i liked someone and was public about that i wouldn't be seen as serious about school granted i hadn't even gotten my period yet so whatever. anyways i guess around the same time this new kid moved to town and he was like a pit of a nerd but like a cool nerd very suave and stuff and i was like he seems attainable at least i think that’s what i thought . and we were in a lot of the same classes thought hs and we lived like a cauldesac away from each other but im pretty sure he never liked me at least not like that. and then he asked my friend and i if we would be cool if he asked our other friend to prom of course bc i dont talk about this shit i say yes . and then you know whatever they go. senior year he asks another friend to prom and the two biggest nerds in school ask my other two friends [including the one he went with the previous year] and one of them says yes. and maybe it was bc i didnt take ap physics but like even after one got rejected i wasn't asked. not that i would have wanted to go but at that point it’s like wow no one really sees you as anything outside of school. and so cut to college when i had never done anything wrong -drank drugs ect or done anything intimate with anyone. i didnt even [still dont] really like hugs [well i reserve them for a very small very very small number of people. affection and attraction have always been very odd for me. but i go to college and first semester i dontdrink bc its against the law. but spring semester i do and i go to parties. and i think that even though i was living in the honors dorm i had some pretty cool friends. and so heck were starting fresh and ive told them all of it more or less. but anyways. ive decided that i need to kiss a boy. and so i think i chickened out a few times. but in march i finally made out with some rando from another school named chris. and it was fine. i think it was cool to be so close to another person and all that and i think i enjoyed. or something bc that became the goal everytime i went out to a frat type place. and i did. well enough times that i got mono during finals week so that was really fun. and i wasnt ready to have sex until the summer before jr year. and i finally again met a rando at a party and i dont know why people want me. like am i skinny enough that my personality doesn't matter or is it that when i get drunk im cool enough that my uggo face doesn't matter. or is it dark enough that just me being open to it matters. so we go to my apartment and fuck and it’s fine. right like i think it here maybe but it wasnt bad. it wasnt life changing or anything. but like it really wasnt bad. so i guess you could call me easy or a hoe. i dont really care about that stuff. like i will hoe around if i want to hoe around. but then there were these three guys who like i actually kind of knew. one of them was soph yr when i attempted a blowjob but either he was not getting it up or i was so bad or it was too small i dont know. either way that didnt work. but we had actually hooked up and by hooked up i mean made out once before.then there was this kid who i swiped on on tumblr who i knew was from my law class but i dont think he ever found out who i was and i may have stalked him a little bit from my job at the bookstore to find out more about him. but it was mostly let me try to hook up with not a total rando. and the fist time was fine except for me leaving when all his roommates/friends watched me leave. and we had like been snapping which i still dont really understand. but the second time i went over he was like u should stay over but it was st patty day eve and u know how that is. but i was like fine bc i had been declining bc i was busy before. anyways he didnt have a condom but me being responsible did. except then he couldn't uh ‘get it up’ which is just really annoying but i dont know why it was. if it was the condom issue or my small titties or what. and then there was my friends roommate. who we had chatted for a little while and then it died and then he chatted me up in the summer and there were some transit issues him being outside the city and me not driving or understanding the parking at my apt. but anyways. we made out for a while and then he fingered me which i still dont idk. but like then he was like do you want to have sex and i was all i dont care what do you want and it was very that so in the end i was just like lets do it. bc at that point i thought you were just supposed to do it all in a hook up and maybe im a slut i dont care. but either way. again if it was my small kitties or my insistence on a condom or that weird back and forth he also just like couldn't do it. so i think that was the last time i made out with someone. i did go on one date but that just uh was a bust. maybe bc im bad at it.

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taffystake · 5 years ago

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Three Weeks Worth of Reviews in One Post

So....yeah. Not packing the most amount of time this week, so I figured I would do these up quick and get my general opinions of the stuff I read this week out there. Especially cause a lot of it was really great.

Amazing Spider-Man #29 & 30: Both of these issues are very fun times, even if 29 is mostly just a bit of a moment to help display clearly where MJ and Peter sit in their current relationship. Which is....mostly on each others’ side and doing their best to always try and improve. With the fun twist at the end that Peter was going to make sure that they always tried to stay together by asking MJ to marry him. The side effect of this story? It gets MJ out of New York just in time for Absolute Carnage to go into full swing, with issue 30 occurring alongside Absolute Carnage #3. Pete hides away Eddie’s kid and Normie Osborn before fighting against the Cletus Kassidy-pretending Norman Osborn, while we get to see Kindred during his visit to Ravencroft to grab Mysterio as he talks to Norman. And how he displays this level of familiarity with Norman and Peter that begins to narrow his possible identities, while we keep cutting to Norman beating down Peter, with the comic ending with Norman triumphant over Peter. All of it is a heck of a show and the art is a lot of fun to look at, while managing to convey some great emotion at times. Fun times all around, still loving Nick Spencer writing Spidey.

Absolute Carnage #3: VENOMIZED HULK!!!!!! BEATING UP GOD-CARNAGE!!! AS THE LAST PANELS!!!!! Look, I cant sell people on Absolute Carnage more than it sells itself. This is a story that is good, epic, and amazingly arted that it does you a disservice to be missing this series or Marvel’s other event series during this current time.

Powers and House of X #4-5: Speaking of other event series, here is Jonathan Hickman’s.....honestly? I’m gonna call it his magnum opus. The story is so great even for the less informed on the X-Men, but knowing exactly what a turn this entire event has created, the level of cult fanaticism and fear that it puts into you about mutants due to seeing what is occurring within the entire Krakoa continent under Xavier’s.....honestly I’d call it regime, gives it even more impact. There is nothing crazier than seeing the evisceration of the X-Men during House of X #4 and then seeing the almost horrifying ceremony that surrounds their revival in House of X #5, not even getting into villains like Apocalypse showing up on Krakoa due to their entire place matching what they wanted for Mutantkind. The 6s for both series cant come soon enough, and Im certain they will rip this entire event wide open.

Justice League Dark #15: The fight between the JLD and the Injustice League Dark begins as the seeds of discord that were planted last issue take root. We get to watch as Kirk Langstrom does his best to become more ‘monstrous’ to hide his insecurities and transforms himself into a monster straight out of John Carpenter’s The Thing, Wonder Woman and Zatanna begin to mess with the Black Diamond of Eclipso which Circe is searching for and puts Wonder Woman into a place that she is likely to be attacked by a remnant of Hecate, and Swamp Thing is turned into mulch when he ends up becoming noticed by the new Guardian of the Green, The Floronic Man Jason Woodrue. And it all ends with Klarion and Solomon Grundy forcing a creation of Heacte’s into submission, a creation that literally looks like a reaper. And the art conveys this horror so well. I donèt make that The Thing comparison lightly, because it looks like the kind of thing that Junji Ito would have nightmares about. I am so excited to see where this goes.

Ironheart #10: This is a comic that is definitely on the line for me from purchase on day vs actual subscription, but I enjoy Riri under Eve Ewing’s writing, the whole thing is fun and interesting to see, and even if there are a fair number of guest heroes, Riri always feels like the main focus who these characters are supporting in places she isn’t strong in. Plus, the ending here with the tease over the Ten Rings matched with Luciano Vecchio’s art mkaes me really wanna see what comes next with Riri.

Justice League #32: This comic felt so epic to me that the big reveal of a hero coming to the Justice League’s aid had me humming the one superhero theme that always comes to mind when the heroes arrive to save the day, the Avengers theme. I dont care if that IS crossing companies, it was the only thing running through my mind because of how good a moment it was story and artwise. And getting to see the Justice League in past, present, and future all unite to face down their villains and use everything that have (along with some help arriving for most of them) to actually succeed in beginning to push back the villains.......it just feels so rewarding after 30 issues of the heroes and villains exchanging very equal blows that kept each side scrambling in order to keep the upper hand. Also, getting an ending moment where I was cheering the ANTI-MONITOR ON FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING was just such a moment of pure build-up and subversion that I was in awe. Please.....go read the No Justice miniseries and the entirety of this. You wont regret it at all.

Batman Curse of the White Knight #3: It’s Sean Murphy continuing to write his story as the Batman crew begin to slowly learn what exactly Azrael is and what inspired his attempted destruction of Batman last issue. Which results in more than a few shifts as Bruce reveals his identity to Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya, Batman and Harley attempt to get some information out of Joker before giving up and just investigating Arkham again to find more stuff about Lafayette Arkham and Bekkar, and finally Gordon retires from the GCPD and lets Renee take over as Commissioner. Which is good....because Gordon goes out to talk to Batman and finds Azrael, starting a street war between Azrael’s followers and the cops, eventually ending with Harvey shot and Commissioner Gordon....dead, thanks to a greatsword through the chest and a 10 story drop. Please read. Highly recommend, especially with how all killer, no filler the story and universe Sean set up with the original story and this story are. You will either enjoy the hell out of it or despise it. No in-between.

#marvel #dc #marvel comics #dc comics #review #comic reviews #taffys take #venom #absolute carnage #batman #spider-man #superman #wonder woman #house of x #powers of x

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asksansweredpdf · 6 years ago

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1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. i don’t have one particular favourite movie per se. but star wars: i binge watched them at my friend’s house just before the ast jedi came out. i knew nothing about star wars and watched everything within 2/3 days. then, about a week later i watched the force awakens. and that was purely because we decided to watch the last jedi (which had just come out in cinemas) the next day. honestly, i didn’t care for star wars much skdjfhdjk but the force awakens really got me into it. and the last jedi fully sold me. then i went back and rewatched and i loooove the empire strikes back. now they’re my favourite movies. marvel: again, i hadn’t seen any marvel. but i had pretty much every friend i had yelling at me to catch up before end game came out. i loosely planned on watching them, but didn’t really get around to it until i got baked at a friends house and we had nothing to do. so we watched age of ultron and iron man and some others (i was too stoned to remember). i was sold i loved every second. and the fact that i was very high and rdj was very cute didn’t hurt. i went home the next day and watched ragnarok which happened to be probably the best movie i’d ever seen at that point. the next day, we got stoned again and watched infinity war. it was so fucked but amazing. i booked tickets for me and my dad to watch end game this saturday.

2: Talk about your first kiss. oh god. i was 15 and there was this guy who i thought was cool. he was a friend of my very gay crush at the time. me and the crush had a falling out later on. and a lot of other fucked up shit happened around that time period. i moved to his (the friend's) neighbourhood as it happened. we got talking because we had the same taste in music. and my best friend at the time put in a good word for me. i didn’t think of him as much more than a friend tbh, but my life was going to shit and i wanted to get out of the house ad have fun. so we organised to meet up at our town’s centre shopping place. i told my parents i was going with [insert random female names here] to hang out since we moved into a new place. they bought it and offered to drive me. i honestly thought we were just going to chill out and eat food. i was also nervous that this was a set up from his friend who was my crush, since the crush hated me and probably would have plotted to do something fucked. however, it turned out not to be a set up. we ended up walking around the suburb. this was much to my disapproval, because i was not very fit and had a strong dislike for exercise. he could tell i was tired and we decided to stop and sit down on this brick wall thing at the corner of a street. there was some terrible flirting on my part, and the next thing i know i was kissing this guy. i was pretty excited because every 15 year old girl wants their first kiss. and especially edgy ones who needed a distraction. i came home with no lipstick and chapped lips. lucky my parents were too busy to notice.

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. most intense? i could list best friends, but in terms of intensity i think it would be this guy that i moved out with for the first time. i know this sounds terrible, but he was my best friend’s boyfriend at the time. i was pretty sure i was a lesbian at the time and i’m also not fucked up. so i wasn’t expecting this at all. because of the whole gay thing, and me being a flirty shit with anyone, i ended up very shamelessly flirting with him. he was sooo pretty, and im not just saying this. objectively, he is still probably one of the best looking people i’ve ever seen. and i own mirrors. anywayyyy, i took my sister to this lana del rey concert one day. not a lana fan personally, but borns was opening and i like him. turns out i like borns a lot. a hell of a lot. next day, i found myself talking to my best friend and her boyfriend and being like “hey i think i might be bi”. their reaction can be quoted as “oh cool okay.” the night after the concert, we got drunk. not a great idea, because i love to flirt when sober. so when i’m drunk and have literally 0 shame it’s a lot of fun but also an entire disaster. my friend bought her friend over and they were talking, which left me and the bf. the boys started teaching me self defence and were doing the whole smooth thing where they stand pressed up behind you and move your arms for you. they put me into headlocks and taught me how to get out and stuff. i was so drunk the ground kept spinning. a lot of terrible outrageous flirting ensued, like choking, touching adams apples, arm tickles, hugs that lasted 10 minutes while he had a knife in his pocket for whatever reason? more hugs like that but now featuring grinding. we slept in the same bed (just slept. nothing else. don’t get too excited). cuddling while in the same bed. laying on his chest and falling asleep. him playing with my hair. one time he played with my tiddies. this was over the course of like 9 months. whenever we werent 2 seconds away from like ..... jumping each other, we were just flirting in the most unsubtle way. obviously nothing happened, because he had a gf and everything. and as much as i didnt want to, i started to get some reeeeeal feelings. turns out the guy was a dick who only flirted with me whenever his gf wasnt paying attention to me. i later cut the whole thing off, and he started to act like a real dick to me. but yeaaahh. that was some intense shit.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. probably not getting a license for any vehicle. that’s held me back so much the last 5 years. i wouldn’t have had to go through half the shit i did, if i could just drive

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had. my 15th birthday! i had raspberry chocolate bullets, watched movies in class because it was end of term, my friends bought me presents to school. the guy i had a crush on came to where i was sitting and sung a song to me in front of everyone. i think my friend bought me a club penguin membership? i ate pide and played league with crush and crush’s crush.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had. my 18th. i don’t want to talk too much about it because im very drunk atm but basically, i was suuuper depressed already that year. my mum was doing cocaine every spare second she could, and screwing men for it so she could get it for free (of course, none of us knew this at the time). whenever she wasn’t doing coke she was screaming at everyone for like, not taking pictures of her enough, or for eating dinner without asking her, etc. she and my dad were constantly either yelling at each other, or were 2 seconds away from yelling at each other. we went to a clothes shopping outlet. which i very outwardly expressed my hatred for, btw. my mum got mad because my dad told her not to look at clothes, because it was my 18th. my mum didn’t talk for the rest of the time we were in the shopping centre. i could feel the tension rising because they were in the 2 seconds away from having a fight period. i came home and watched sailor moon in my room alone. later my parents brought a cake and lit the candles. dad said to me “my god i am so sorry. this has been the most amazing birthday, hasnt it? you should thank your mother. she’s just the best. i’m so sorry! i never wanted this for you”. and, you know, my coke fuelled mother just screamed her lungs off and gave it right back to him. and my aries dad just yelled right back. and the candles were lit in the dark room and wax was dripping onto my chocolate birthday cake. and i hated chocolate flavoured cake. and i just wanted to run away all day because i knew this was going to happen. and they couldn’t even hold it together for me? or for my 18th? so i just sat there and cried as they screamed at eachother. i blew out the candles and ran into my bedroom and watched vines in my room. the end! :D

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. honestly, i don’t have a lot of insecurities. i have a lot of fears, but not insecurities. i guess i’m insecure about my body in certain places. i have a scar from an operation i had when i was 9 and it makes my stomach look chubby, but only on one side? it’s out of proportion and weird. and i have violin hips.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. honestly, it’s so simple, but i’m really proud of still being alive. i thought for sure i’d be dead by now

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. i love my back! it sounds weird, but i have a rly nice waist and my back is sooo soft and smooth and it goes in at the waist and its so nice to touch and look at. and i have really nice and toned legs. and my arms are getting toned now too because my work makes me carry a lot of heavy stuff. and my baby sister is getting bigger and i’m usually the one to hold her. and i have nice hands too. but my favourite thing is my face and hair.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. oh god. not going into much detail about this at all because i spend like 3 or 4 years crying about this. it featured: 2 best friends of mine who i had been friends with for 10 years; my crush at the time; random people off the internet i’d never met before. like i said before, i was a 15 year old with a lot going on. maybe that didn’t make it okay for me to be as annoying as i was, but it’s done now. they all got into a skype group chat together without me. and call it paranoia, but i call it intuition. i knew they were all shit talking me. i could tell there was something up for a while now. they all started changing their online profiles to something that very clearly mocked me, they started making posts about me, and posts that were clearly parodies of my posts. and i sort of went along with it because i dont like to stir up much trouble. but the posts just got worse and worse to where it was like ‘you were so weird and creepy’ and calling me names and stuff. honestly, i can’t even remember anymore because i spend a while blocking it out. but it was pretty mean. but it hurt more because there were all the people i was closest to, all saying fucked up shit about me. and then random people who lived in my city who i didnt know. after the fight ended, we never spoke again. but i spend the next 2 years afraid that i would bump into somebody from online in person and they would recognise me, and the whole thing would happen again

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. tbh i dont remember a lot of my dreams. i usually have nightmares anyway? i think i had a dream i could fly and had like magic powers and stuff. i was 8 or something and it was fun.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. after i moved out of my parents house, i had a lot of nightmares about my mum. again, i don’t remember specifics because i tried to block out the memory, but i remember feeling terrified, and then waking up relieved to remember i was out of there. after that, i started smoking weed which meant no dreaming which was good

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. i haven’t had like..... sex sex yet. i’ve been almost raped a few times? skfsdkjfl that sounds so cringey. but yeah! i dont know though, i imagine i’ll probably be super drunk for my first time. or maybe high. they make me more confident than usual. and for some reason i dont really like the idea of sex when im sober. i don’t think i’d be willing to be vulnerable with someone unless it was in a circumstance like that, maybe. and i’d be sure i wouldn’t have to see them again later on unless i wanted to. that way if i embarrassed myself, it wouldn’t matter. it would just be a terrible memory no one else would ever have to know about.

14: Talk about a vacation. i want one of these answers to not be about a fucked up memory of mine but i ...... truly can’t recall something? i guess there was a christmas i had when i was a kid (maybe around 8 or 10) and i’ll leave out the fucked up bits. but i stayed with my mother’s family and my grandmother owned a holiday apartment thing which had a pool and my uncles had horses and i got to see everyone and my uncles were super funny and let me play video games with them.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. there was this period for about ..... 3 months in my last year of high school just before i graduated. all my assignments were over, and my major works were all finished. i was just putting the finishing touches on them. and all i had to do was study for exams. i got into the swing of school. and my friend got her license so she used to drive us places after school and we would hang out and do dumb shit together. i didn’t care what anyone thought of me because i knew i wouldn’t have to see them again in 6 months unless i wanted to. the next time was this few months after i’d just moved out of my parent’s house. probably 4 or 5 months. i had been dreaming of having my own place for like, my entire childhood. and i finally did! and it was with my best friend and this guy i really liked. and all i did was go to uni for a few hours a day. and then that was it! my time was all my own to do whatever i wanted with. i didn’t have a lot of money but i was so so so happy. i used to take myself to the movies. i was in walking distance of a train station and uni. so i could go wherever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i just felt so free

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. the first part of my house-warming party was probably the best. i got really drunk, and someone’s mum brought weed so i was reeeeeally drunk and then reeeeeally high. i was dressed in the cutest outfit and a few people were flirting with me. actually, i think i made out with like 3 different people that night. and my friend bought me flowers! which i loved because no one had ever bought me flowers before. and we went to the park and i was so high and drunk and the little swing ride i was on felt like a rollercoaster.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. hmmmmm to be honest, i’m trying not to make friends at the moment. i have a lot of other stuff i need to focus on. and having friends only leads to disappointment and heartbreak. i have a few friends i’ve accidentally made, but i’m trying to keep my distance from them so that we’re just ‘friends’ and not ‘good friends’ or anything like that. but secretly, i do love them a lot.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school. me and my best friend at the time were doing a school play about mary the saint (i went to catholic school). there were 3 of us: me, my best friend, and some guy who didnt have friends so we let him in our group. anyway, i wanted to play mary, but for whatever reason, this dude reeeeeeally fucking wanted to be mary. he started like yelling and stomping and being like “NO! i want to be mary!” and then just as he stomped his foot, a branch from a tree fell right on his head. and, without missing a beat, my friend goes “well, that branch hit you on the head so now you can’t be mary” and i laughed my ass off and he cried 19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. omg these are all going to be funny stories because why not. so this one time in like 6th grade, we had to use calculators to do some complex maths work. and there was this one calculator that kept fucking up and giving the wrong answers. i knew enough basic maths at that point to know that the calculator was faulty. anyway so me and my friends gave it to this other kid just to punk him a little right. turns out he didn’t realise it was a broken calculator and he finished his work and handed it in to the teacher, and proceeded to get in trouble sjlfsorerjlksjr

20: Talk about something that happened in high school. omg so in high school i did this multimedia class. so we would film events like chapels (i went to a christian high school) and assembly, etc. and what we filmed would go on the big screens for everyone to see. kinda like a concert. and anyway, one time this kid got in trouble in front of everyone, and my classmate did this dramatic zoom on our multimedia teacher as he stormed out of the auditorium, dramatically walking out to get the kid in trouble

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. oh so this one time after i finished school i started going through rough patch #2 and i just needed a friend to talk to. and this guy from school was sort of the only friend who kept checking up on me and inviting me out places. and i liked that. i didn’t always have enough energy to do stuff or talk, because, depression. but i appreciated the fact that he cared. never thought much about it. until one day, we hadn’t spoken for like a month and he tells me suddenly that he has feelings for me. and of course, that’s so sweet and i did love the guy. but i wasn’t in the headspace for a relationship at all. i really just needed a friend. and i felt so terrible

22: Talk about your worst fear. my worst fear ever? it used to be dying. but i think now it’s just having to go through what i went through again. my worst fear would be being a child again and being at the mercy of others and having to rely on them. my worst fear is trusting people and having them completely fuck you up. again and again. and not being able to do anything about it because you need them.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. hoo boy. i was 15 and made friends with someone on the internet who turned out to go to my school. developed a crush on him, but he was very gay. i ended up telling him for whatever reason. and that went just about the way you’d think

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i don’t know. most people don’t know what they’re talking about when they give me advice. and i’m not saying that to be arrogant, but just most people haven’t been through much and not to sound self-pitying but i’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time. these are just facts here. so i don’t really believe what people say. i used to have this friend who was and will probably always be the only person who could ever make me laugh. genuinely. it felt like soulmates, but i was like a kid. but we had exactly the same sense of humour, and she was so witty and quick and would always have the best comedic timing. i really admired her and still do. anyway, one time she called me effortlessly funny. and that meant a lot then and still does now.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend. i just did, but sure. i’ll keep talking about her because i’m already thinkig of her. i’m pretty sure she was a capricorn rising. she had this really deadpan humour and it was always hilarious. we were friends since we were 4 years old. and i dont think i appreciated it as much as i should have at the time, but we really did grow up together and in each others arms. she was very cool and closed off and serious. and i got to see her funny and silly side. but what was even cooler than that was that i got to know her emotionally. she had a twin, and looking back, i don’t think her twin even saw as much of that as i got to. we used to have talks about anything and everything. you know those people who you can stay up all night laughing with and talking to and it doesn’t even feel like it’s been 10 minutes and all of a sudden the sun is coming up? but it was so effortless and fun and. yeah. it was like that. i still haven’t met anyone like that since. we later had a falling out and i met her again after like a year but we both had our walls up and that’s sort of when i realised how much we really trusted each other. you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone kinda thing.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick. complain. bitch. complain some more. i usually buy nasal spray because having a blocked nose is SO ANNOYING. and otherwise, i don’t mind being sick too much. like obviously it’s not ideal but you do what you can. if i’m truly annoyed with being sick, i just sleep so i don’t have to be awake to deal with it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i love girls tummys and waists

28: Talk about your fetishes. idk i like some light bondage, light choking, a biiiiit very much maybe potentially kinda into rapeplay, and spanking is fun

29: Talk about what turns you on. most of what turns me on is like dom/sub power dynamics. im into scanarios that have a looooot of sexual build up and tension. it’s pretty much foreplay for me personally. especially if it’s like flirty banter or implications, and dirty talk can be fun if done right.

30: Talk about what turns you off. absolutely not into anal at all. complete turn off. not at all into the thing where people get off on girls acting like kids, or people who think fucking someone who is asleep is hot. idk i like most normal shit tbh. anything else is probably weird for a reason

31: Talk about what you think death is like. i think it’s probably the most painful experience you’ll ever have physically. and then everything goes black and that’s it

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember my childhood house’s backyard. it was massive and had like a step in the middle where the grass changed levels. there was a swingset with a slide. and for the majority of my childhood my parents were doing renovations, so there were lots of holes in the backyard that we used to dodge. we used to catch lizards and i used to collect bird feathers. and at the very back, right in front of the back fence, my parents planted little trees and chillis

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. i immediately find the fastest way to be alone. i immediately listen to music. i drink or smoke or get high on something. or i try to make myself laugh if i’m at work and can’t do either of those things. if i can’t make myself laugh, i try to talk to a customer and pretend to be happy hoping that whatever they have to say will distract me from whatever i’m sad about.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. eugh. every year i somehow get sent to the hospital because i can’t stop vomiting. i dont know how because its always for different reasons. but i always end up puking an excessive amount on an annual basis. the worst pain is when you can’t stop vomiting, so your stomach just cramps and cramps and cramps and you vomit but nothing happens and it just cramps again. it’s literally worse than period cramps. and mine are so bad.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. having anxiety. i overthink a lot which doesnt help either. the thing is that i studied psychology, and i still don’t know how to stop myself from being so anxious. like i know how much it affects my work and stuff but i just can’t stop feeling like i’m about to die at any given second.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. drinking, drugs, smoking, im not even guilty about those. idk. to quote niall hora- i mean pink, i’m not guilty about any of my pleasures

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. an old best friend. different to aforementioned best friend. we were friends for 6 years. not as close as the other one, but close as i’ve been to someone since. we were both depressed and going through stuff and both flirted with each other just for shits and gigs. idk. i think we really only bonded because we were both depressed and suicidal and having someone else around who is going through the same stuff makes everything so much more bearable. once i stopped being depressed i stopped being as close and as in love. but at the time, it was really nice and beautiful, we truly could talk about anything together. i could have opened with “i love being dominated in bed” instead of “hello” and she would have just rolled with it. we used to dream about the future together and hold hands and hug. idk. we used to just hang out together and there was never any pressure to do anything or be anyone. it was just us being our dorky selves.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. goodbye stranger by supertramp reminds me of above mentioned friend, two of us by the beatles reminds me of first mentioned best friend, and i love her by the beatles reminds me of this friend group i had for 10 years. princess by shortstack reminds me of this friend i had for a few years who i almost had a thing with because i knew she liked me but neither of us ever said anything.

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. i wish i’d have known that it’s not a good or admirable trait to be so open with people so quickly. you shouldn’t immediately show people that you trust them or like them, and you definitely shouldn’t get so excited about things for them. it makes you look naive and they will definitely just use you. i wish i’d known to get my license earlier i wish i’d have known what weed was like earlier. it really would have helped me out a lot.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school was really hard. i know a lot of people hated high school. and i did. but once i got to my final 2 years, i had this confidence that comes with being older in school and it was really nice. i love the routine we had and the forced structure school made you have in your life. i enjoyed mucking around with teachers and that feeling of starting assignments before they’re due. being at school was nice because i mostly kept to myself and was generally well-liked. so i had this big support system that got me through a lot. and school ending meant that the support i had also ended. and then i had nothing and nobody and went through so much and had to be alone for it all. the end of school coincided with the worst period of my life #2, probably because i was at home to experience a lot more.

#mine

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djsproket · 6 years ago

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Remembering the Past

I really need to clear the air on a lot of things so my friends can understand who I am and how this journey has taken me on some serious ups and downs. I was in a serious relationship for pretty much the past two years (almost ) of my life .. My past serious relationship with my x-wife was for 20 years. We where high school sweethearts. My mental ability to be faithful and loyal to a woman is like a rock that cannot be broken. At 36 years I discovered my best friend had been sleeping with my wife for over 5 years of our marriage. The level of betrayal that I felt still echo's in brain to this day.. I was a hard working computer tech and burned the candle at both ends writing music and DJing on the weekends. While I was away my wife was with my best friend in my bed .. It's hard to do something your passionate about when you beat yourself up over being away all the time after that .

I was a pretty responsible guy. I purchased my own house at 25 and I earned it. Nothing was given to me . I lived a drug free life and kept things simple except for my music. I really had purpose dreams and ambitions for our future. I wanted the family life except I learned I could not have kids. The woman I loved since I was 16 years old and the only woman I had ever been with filed for divorce. If the divorce was not enough to break me I also lost my close friend. Two weeks after she filed in 2010 I get into a car accident and I broke my neck in two different places. I also break my left femur and my hip. While I was under for reconstructive surgery for my hip I almost die twice. I spent going through my divorce in physical rehab . She took advantage of me being on pain medications and being physically broken. I was so passive that I gave her the house and trusted her claims that we would work it out which never happened. I carried all that weight for two years of my life .

I was self destructive out control I had lost everything. I was lonely and shunned all of my life long friends. I didn't trust anyone and stayed locked up in my room. Dec 2012 my family has a Christmas party and I was super depressed because everyone in my family is married happy wealthy with kids and there is me. Man I just wanted to die. My mom hands me a cheap cross on a necklace before the party and I put it on not thinking much about it. I get so depressed at the family party I sneak out and go home. As I am standing in the driveway I look into the stars, I grab that little cross and pray for God to send me an Angel. The very next night on Christmas Eve God answered my prayers and sent this quiet beautiful woman that I fell In love with at first site. We smoke a joint together and cut up like we knew each other forever . I just knew that I was supposed to be with her for the rest of my life. My little Angel was so beautiful and tough on the outside but she was so fragile on the inside battling her inner demons. Her wings where broken. She had very low self esteem for someone so gorgeous. She had my full attention at all times.

I did not want to make the same mistakes from my marriage so I put away the music/djing and devoted my life to her. All I ever wanted was my Angel to be whole again. I put her over all the problems I was still dealing with from my divorce. I just could not believe that this beautiful woman that I had before me felt she was ugly and didn't have a high opinion of herself. I wanted her to feel beautiful and sexy again. I wanted to make love to her like the world was coming to a dismal end tomorrow. Even though I was fighting a serious battle with depression I pushed myself to make her happy. She was and still is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. It was then that I realized I no longer thought about my x wife. I started to have feelings and emotions that where so much greater than the feelings I ever had for my x wife. She was now my best friend and lover.

We lived together for over a year and when I would get depressed or down on myself for the mess I was in she would be there. I really don't know how we wound up to this point. I just wanted her to feel sexy and I was already showing her some things in the bedroom so being the artistic freak that I am I took some pictures of her in a naughty outfit catching the light behind her and leaving a dark shaded body facing the camera. She was so beautiful. I then created her fetlife account and helped her post the pics which gave her so much attention she was overwhelmed with wanting men who would tell her just about anything.. She finally felt sexy.

I say all of this because how we have wound up not speaking to each other just saddens my heart. For her to say Im immature and a boy just weakens my sanity . For her to say I have had a negative impact on her life just destroys me to the core. If standing up for her and what is right means im a boy then so be it. I am not the monster you talk about. All outside influences have no clue what struggles we went through. Most of these people around us have there own personal agendas with her wether its to just have sex with her, or compensating for there unhappy marriages. I just sit back and watch in disbelief.

How did we get to this point... This man that stands before you is honest enough with his emotions that he doesn't care if he looks like a fool amongst his peers. This man doesn't hide his sensitivity or loving nature to boost any false sense of bravado. This man still wears that cross on his chest from 2 years ago knowing that all is not as bad as at seems. Drama is conflict between two souls that is required for balance in any relationship. A man knows when he is wrong. A man will always ask for forgiveness. A man will always fight for your honor even when it does not shed him in a positive light. A real man does not prey on the weak. A real man will offer an olive branch instead of seeking revenge. A real man loves unconditionally. A real man communicates with his loved ones leaving no resentment or anger to carry over to the next day.

I really don't know whats being said about me at this point and I really dont care because I know who I am ... I love myself and I don't have to be be anything other than myself for anyone to see the good person I truly am.. I love you .. I miss You .. I am willing to discuss anything. Immaturity jealousy and insecurities weigh heavily on any person not willing to resolve issues but instead lack the courage and self preservation to confront them in a adult manor and communicate to one another..

#fleurtygreeneyes

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chaoticcheesecakefox-blog · 8 years ago

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Poem Details

| by

Connie Marcum Wong

A Divine Cascade

Glist'ing drops Splashing into fine mist— I become one with the waterfall. Feeling joy As droplets kiss my face And enter my soul’s most sacred place. Crystalline, Anointing me with love, Sustaining all life forms on the Earth. Gratitude For each divine droplet; A cascading veil of purity. © Connie Marcum Wong Contest: Some Form of Crystalline sponsored by Nette Onclaud November 3, 2014

Poem Details

| by

Kristopher Higgs

While You Sleep

While you sleep I tell you all of the things I keep inside throughout day. Now that you can hear but not listen I find them much easier to say. My hopes, my dreams, my fears, and everything in between Your subconscious hears so keen, or so it seems. My tongue is soft; I speak so sweetly Knowing your reaction will never greet me. Tonight will be different in what I want you to know. It has everything to do with what I can’t help but show. I hold no claim to any religion but you’ve given me a place for my faith. Somewhere it will never stale or lose its lavish taste. You’ve shown me something I can see, touch, and feel, And so before it I choose to kneel. I know I don’t say it but I miss you every day. Sitting, thinking of the perfect words to be my choice, Yet when you call I can’t find any of the right words to say. I’m just happy to finally hear your voice. Even just a moment is enough to sooth my heavy heart; Fearing the ends of conversations knowing we’ll have to part. I’ll never be too far from you, always within arm’s reach, And in your days of darkness I’ll be the light that you will seek. I’ll never let you leave too far from me, I’ll stay close behind you in this world; Secretly protecting what is mine, you will always be my girl. I only want the best for you so the best of me I will employ. Faithfully yours, I will always be your boy. I close my eyes and kiss your soft sweet lips And see the very best of you in loving bliss. I see past the physical which makes you attractive And focus on the things I can’t see in which I’m attracted. Your thoughts I’d love to hear them all. Of the things you speak disinterest never makes its call. My day will come, I know someday I’ll be the only one. And you I will pursue viciously, Because I’ve given you the greatest gift I can give, to love unconditionally. Yes our day will come, I know someday we’ll be as one. And you I will pursue viciously, Because I’ve given you the greatest gift I can give… to love unconditionally.

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| by

humble b

LOVE, ANGELS, and MUSIC

LOVE God is always love Forever seek the kingdom; Praise the creator Keep giving what you can give Please endure until the end ANGELS Beautiful Heavens Protecting the meek ones earth Watching over us Helping us to cope with life Comforted with hope and trust MUSIC When you find rhythm You find your hearts inner core Celebrate the times Make them better than before Reminisce and dance all night

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| by

Connie Gildersleeve

Intoxicating wordless Sound

Seeking the solace in its voice As it sings and serenades. Intoxicating wordless sound Carried along on air currents, Transforms wind to song. Mellow notes with breathless voice Plays like a lovers embrace. Deep earthy sounds perceived by ear. Romancing my heart through song, An alluring sound from the flute.

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Jeremy Street

Cut By The Knife

I am young I am old I am soft I am bold I can laugh I can cry I can quit Still, I can try Days they pass Turn to night Then come dreams Lost in flight Can't change the world Can't stop the rain But if I could I would end all of the pain For I am one In all that exist Throughout the years Throughout the mist Yet here comes my chance Or so goes my life Caught by the windmill.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ....Cut by the knife ~

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| by

liam mcdaid

Princess Philomena 1

She who is the light and hope in love complete I kneel in your grace A story that really gripped me deeply as my mother told me with such pride in her voice Protectress of the most Holy living rosary she has preformed countless miracles A young virgin who was martyred at the age of 13 She willingly gave her life to the heavenly sacrifice daughter of light you shine heroic Blessed with the virtues of purity,obedience and humility the anchor of hope in deep dark despair I promised someone really dear to me precious in my heart with love to write this story She was the daughter of a prince stunning beautiful coming from a small state in Greece who her family became Christians in baptism she became the daughter off, light One day while in the city the family went for an audience with the great emperor, when he saw her he appeared possessed in his mannerism during the whole time within conversations Now her father was dazzled with his honor he willingly accepted his proposal of marriage her father and mother tried everything to induce her to yield to their demands she turned to them and said I never break a promise once made in the one she had made to Jesus saying her virginity belongs to him No longer can I dispose of it They tried everything in their power her father began attacking her in his own shame in violent rage and anger and her mother tried to induce her to yield they tried everything with her that was possibly know to them Until both her parents fell on their knees begging with tears that were overwhelming their eyes pleading with her to please take pity on them No was her answer final on the subject she had vowed herself to God and her kingdom is in Heaven She was brought before the emperor at the time he flew into a mad violent fit of anger mixed with rage influenced by the devil himself He flung her into the palace prison thinking to himself with pain and suffering and with great shame in her courage he constantly attacked her some which were almost fatal to her purity of blessing had it not been for the hand and grace of God Her prayers supported her those she made to the love of Jesus and to her most holy mother with her only son now being held in captivity 37 days in total always in a heavenly mist of light Our Blessed most Holy Mother supreme through the eyes of all women bride of our Lord the Father God the creator our Blessed Mother appeared in a vision this story continues on next write 3 chapters this all held me captive

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Ingrid Showalter Swift

The Most beautiful Place

O Most beautiful of places like a whisper read me..if you read me...in hushed tones "Lace and fineness" not for me Sweet salty sea and a sand colored shore the lines are long..slender.smooth..an ever horizon upon which I rise the hills and valleys are silken paleness sheened by light a channel runs down the middle to a small perfect fount into which I dip my spirit and am purified baptized...cleansed of all earthly things I rest..but for a moment for there is a mysterious forest beyond plush..warm and verdant and beyond that..lies the source of all evil..and good I am Eve I am the garden... and you are my soul's seed..the forbidden apple that awakens I am the ocean ...come to rock me you turn me from stone to ice...from ice to rain...from rain to river...from river to sea...from sea to light...from light to dark...from dark to illuminati that I may forever rise and rise again upon your perfect pale shore and come to understand...the true value of all things

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Al Parry

Hugs

Teenage Girls clad in the latest fashions, Do it whenever they meet, Grown men aren't afraid to show some passion, When their team's comeback is complete, They can say hello, they can say goodbye, And anything inbetween, If you open your arms and crack a smile, There is nothing that a hug cannot mean.

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Timothy Jacks

SPECIAL FORCES

I ain't like nothing you ever heard before I tell you what when I get done we'll see if you still feel the same know im known, you know i spread all my love around and what you looking for drugs sorry i dont sell them U know where im from we do it all different kind of ways got some good friends still, then i got some old friends that aint worth a shit even though they say old friends are gold Well maybe if your an old friend of mine you could show me then sliver is refined new friends come and shine their lights on my dark path and they love me even though im a smart ass so stick around hell it ain't hell its a pretty nice town Hillsboro, Tx Oh hold those doubts and false thoughts about me down in the valley in the shadow of darkness i walk with men, i talk with them some fathers some a couple hardheads but they all good men or they would'nt walk with me we got a team boy we talking serious we furious, you feel our spirits when we put your ass in mental check

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liam mcdaid

Precious Gem

My rock that sparkles on arrival emotions swell inside warm dewdrops Leaving the gates open from my mind drawing from out of this dream golden a beautiful runway opens sparkling Sweetly flying to you my heart pure lights up within breathing deep loving Warmly sighs feelings so good loving somebody so special very hot beautiful who smiles dazzling lights up wrote in 9 syllable count a beautiful cloud that hangs 10 lines to represent something perfect

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liam mcdaid

Flying with the wind

Over the sea galloping upon waves in the swift uplifting rush of the tide Chariots of fire blush red the rose swept up by the whirlwind holding a breathless whisper Upon these foundations the rock stands sings out one bird of valuable beauty sweet music echoing deeply through the voice of a Heavenly choir Oh gracious gemstone you are the fruit of loves light who pierces the deepest crevices of one's mind In a castle of dreams fringed with gold bring me a bow of burning incense Fragrantly it blossoms in the mind Consuming divine fire I come and bow down to your Heavenly being (Unrhymed Quatrain) Co written by Maria Mc Laughlin and Liam Mc Daid

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liam mcdaid

Baptism Of Faith

A symbol of our creation is the birth of love One heavenly gesture complete encompassing one's heart In divine purity embraces the darkness with warm light within our spiritual being Unrhymed tercets

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Nina Mindova

Sea impression

Wave a sea softened and a pain and a tenderness throw dreams in fascination of the blue. And let shave the waves of Your eternity , oh, weigh above me, oh,weigh a coast of years. Carry far in azure, spiral ships, with bulging little abdomens, flutter with mahagony pinions and already in vain expect you to stop the scales harbours with hot flames for You are open. Far away, far away ,far away, stretched string, heart and frank await the hymn of June. All sea sisters are dressed in mother-of-pearl garment embroidered of kiss of eternity In the morning hunts them fishermen and revive with breath of their man’s hands. In the evening girls wash

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gospelcommunitylife-blog · 8 years ago

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Fear Not

By Jesse Packard November 4, 2016

Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump? Let me assure you, this isn’t one of those blogs. I am sure you have already decided who you will be voting for, and I am not interested in swaying you one way or the other. No, what I would rather talk about is how we will feel come November 9th. If you are a Christian, you may feel happy that your candidate won, or you might feel afraid if your candidate lost. Or you might feel afraid no matter who won or lost. Actually, there are a lot of reasons you might feel afraid for the future after this election. That is what I want to talk about. Fear has been one of the underlying motivations being pushed throughout this election. So many people are voting against a candidate rather than for a candidate, and fear is one reason why for many. How should a believer engage with fear, especially fear about the leadership of our country? Let’s talk about that.

Fear is a powerful motivator. Very few emotions can motivate us to do things we don’t want to do, but fear can. Without Christ, fear is often the most powerful and common motivator in a person’s life. However, for a believer, Scripture is very clear how we are supposed to interact with fear. Scripture says do not fear. But wait, Scripture also says to fear! What? I thought it was clear? Once you understand the two different kinds of fear the Bible talks about it begins to make sense. Fear of God is very different than fear of anything else.

The fear of God is not a very popular conversation. It is far more fun to talk about how loving God is, to talk about God’s abundant grace, and to talk about how Jesus saved us by His blood. Dont get me wrong, those are all extremely important things to talk about, but at some point, we have to broach the topic of the fear of God or we are ignoring one of the topics that God brings up the most in scripture.

There are at least 144 times in the Bible that the fear of God is discussed. We can’t ignore something that God feels important enough to bring up 144 times.

So let’s get this out of the way right up front. The majority of Christians, when asked about the fear of God, are going to say the exact same thing, because it is what they have been taught. They will tell you that it means respect and awe. Now don’t hear me say that there isn’t some truth to that, we should respect God and we should feel awe about Him. The problem with that answer is it doesn’t fully reflect what Scripture tells us about God and the fear of Him.

Littered throughout Scripture we see stories of people who encounter God, and going all the way back to Adam and Eve in the garden post sin, we see one common thread. When people see God, they fear Him. Moses in front of the burning bush, Isaiah in the throne room of God, the soldiers arresting Jesus falling on their faces when He says His name, and John encountering God in Revelation. These people saw God, and they were terrified of Him. Let’s look at one encounter that shows this well.

In Isaiah chapter 6, we get to see a glimpse into what happens when the prophet of God is brought into the throne room of God.

Isaiah 6 In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!”

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”

Isaiah, who is already the prophet of God, the man most in tune with God, the one who God is using as a mouthpiece to speak His words to His people, sees God, and he instantly knows deep fear. He instantly knows that he is going to die. Isaiah knows what God communicates to Moses when Moses asks to see God, that if he saw God he would die. He knows that despite the fact that he is the mouthpiece of God, that his lips were still not clean enough to be in the presence of the most High, the most Holy God.

So looking at this story, and looking at the other encounters in Scripture between sinful man and perfect God, we see that it isnt really a question of should we fear God, it is just that when we see God, we WILL fear Him. And to layer on top of that, God actually commands that we fear Him. In Exodus 20, Moses is relaying the Ten Commandments to the people of God, and an amazing exchange happens between the people of God and God as they hear His commands for their lives.

Exodus 20:18-21

Now when all the people saw the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking, the people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off and said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, lest we die.” Moses said to the people, “Do not fear, for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin.” The people stood far off, while Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was.

In verse 20, Moses says something fascinating. He tells the people to not fear, and then in the next breath tells them that God wants the fear of Him to be before them. What? Don’t fear but fear? How does that make sense? It only makes sense if we begin to see the fear described in the Bible as two different kinds of fear. I think this passage lays it out really well. The people are afraid, but why are they afraid? They say it right there in verse 19, they are afraid because they don’t want to die. God, through Moses, says “do not fear”. God doesn’t want them to fear physical death. In the next moment He tells them what they should fear, they should fear Him. Why? “That you may not sin.” God doesn’t want them to fear physical death, He wants them to fear Him in a way that leads them to holiness.

Jesus tells us this exact thing in Matthew 10.

Matthew 10:26-33

“So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Jesus is talking to His disciples about the certainty of persecution. He tells them multiple times to have no fear, but then he also tells them in verse 28 to fear. He says to not fear those who kill you physically, but rather fear Him who can destroy both your soul and your body in Hell. Interesting that Jesus doesn’t say to fear the destruction of your soul and body in Hell, he says to fear the One who can do that.

But we need to see what he says next. First Jesus tells us to fear God, and then he tells us to fear not. He says that God sees us as valuable, that He has counted all of the hairs on our heads. Fear God because of His infinite holiness, but then let Him wash away your fear because He sees you as valuable.

What does that tell us about how to view the election and our country post election? Fear not. God is in control. In 1 Samuel we see the beginning of human kings for the nation of Israel. The people get nervous as Samuel, the last judge, begins to get older. His kids are a mess and not fit to lead the people, so they begin to clamor for a king. Samuel gets angry because God had always led the nation directly through leaders that God specifically anointed and called, but God tells Samuel to let them have their leader. God tells Samuel that the people were rejecting Him, and to make sure to let them know what human leadership will bring.

As a Christian, human leaders are never going to match up to what our leadership should look like. It doesn’t matter who it is, they will always disappoint because they are not God. Even the best kings in Israel’s history, David and Solomon, were deeply flawed in their leadership. But we don’t have to be afraid of what human leaders will do. Our citizenship is first and foremost in Heaven. Jesus is our King. He will not fail us or mislead us. And He is Sovereign over all of human history and human leadership. We see in scriptures like Romans 9 or 13 that God is ultimately in charge of who is in leadership. God calls us to submit to human leaders, not because they are doing the right thing but because of who God is. Fear Him and find safety from fear of man. Fear God and let His love and mercy wipe away all of your fear.

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chaoticcheesecakefox-blog · 8 years ago

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Connie Marcum Wong

A Divine Cascade

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Kristopher Higgs

While You Sleep

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humble b

LOVE, ANGELS, and MUSIC

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Connie Gildersleeve

Intoxicating wordless Sound

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Jeremy Street

Cut By The Knife

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liam mcdaid

Princess Philomena 1

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Ingrid Showalter Swift

The Most beautiful Place

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Al Parry

Hugs

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Timothy Jacks

SPECIAL FORCES

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liam mcdaid

Precious Gem

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liam mcdaid

Flying with the wind

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liam mcdaid

Baptism Of Faith

A symbol of our creation is the birth of love One heavenly gesture complete encompassing one's heart In divine purity embraces the darkness with warm light within our spiritual being Unrhymed tercets

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| by

Nina Mindova

Sea impression

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