#Men and nonbinary folk have periods to

[aloeverawyvren]

I know I've made the Monthly Blood Sacrifice To The Gods For Strength joke before, but yeah actually I think we should be getting boons for this shit not more symptoms™

[genderqueerdykes]

if you are a trans man or masc, masculine nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid or other gender non conforming identity, masc gay, a bear, a butch, stud, or boi, or other masculine queer person and don't feel welcome in any queer spaces, you're not alone.

the communities both irl and online have become EXTREMELY hostile toward mascs and men to the point of straight up excluding us and changing their wording to justify their violent exclusion. from renaming nonbinary spaces to "femme & them" and "she+" spaces, to telling men & mascs that they would "Scare" the women and "nonbinary" folks just by being there, as if masculinity and manhood are inherently traumatizing to be around.

masculine and male nonbinary folks have it so hard- most nonbinary spaces are almost definitely women's spaces who also conflate womanhood with nonbinaryhood, and often times just view nonbinary people as confused women. we are not inherently traumatizing to be around: masc enbies need places to go. we are still nonbinary and still trans and still queer for fucks' sake

nonbinary has never and will never mean femme or woman-adjacent inherently. nonbinary means what it means: people who don't or refuse to adhere to the gender binary, regardless of what side it is. masculinity is included in this, femininity is not the only way to be nonbinary.

masc queers do not have to bend over backwards to try to be more feminine and thus "less threatening" in order to have places to go. that's dysphoric and just inaccurate to a lot of queer folks' identity and presentation. it blows my mind because it makes no sense, anyway, even within the gay community, hypermasculinity has been present and even sought after by some people who find it very attractive, twunks, hunks, bears... but between the periods in queer history people started viewing masc gay leathermen and kinksters as the ones who were responsible for spreading AIDS and thus removing them from pride parades,

AND the lesbian separatism moment picking up to remove butches & male & masc lesbians from lesbian spaces identity, paving the way for modern rdical femniism, we've only entered a downhill landslide of hating men and mascs and ultimately trying to erase us from the queer community entirely.

the queer community is not the "women & femmes community". the queer experience is broad and vast, it includes a wide variety of masculine and male experiences, as well as genderfluid, multigender, completely ungendered and other gendered experiences. the lesbian, trans, bisexual, nonbinary, gay and general queer communities aren't the "safe place to hide from men & mascs community" like estranged rdfems and terfpilled trans folk like to tell you they are.

this is the QUEER community and it includes ALL forms of queerness, masc, femme, butch, male, neutral, bigender, neutral, and all. he/shes and he/hims and he/theys and he/its and so on are just as much of a part of this communities as she/hers and they/thems. you can't cast a blanket of "inherently abusive" over all men and mascs and one of "inherently abused/incapable of being abusive" over all women and femmes because that just traps you in a fantasy land that doesn't exist AND it prevents mascs and men from getting the help, resources and community they NEED.

men & mascs are hurt and abused by women & femmes every day and we refuse to speak about them because we live under a white cisheteronormal patriarchy and have complaints about how that functions. the complaints are legitimate but assuming that all men and mascs are oppressing all women and femmes and that women can never be oppressive is a false as hell narrative that actively damages people.

enough is enough. this mindset is hurting people. it's leaving masc and male queers to be estranged, harmed and even dead. i care about you if you're being affected by this mentality and these behaviors. you deserve community, safety, and a sense of belonging, you do belong, even if we struggle to form our own spaces due to unjust hatred. we will do our best to band together and keep each other safe. we must

[zahri-melitor]

So I asked people to give me their petty grievances about various comic writers in a post and I think the results were interesting and analysis-worthy.

From the 23 responses I received, there were 15 complaints about male writers, 9 complaints about female writers, and 2 complaints about nonbinary writers.

There was only one male writer who received two complaints. In contrast, there were multiple complaints received about three female writers and the only nonbinary writer.

Even more notably to my mind, the following set of female writers had comics published at DC during June and July:

Josie Campbell

Tini Howard

Nicole Maines

Rainbow Rowell

Gail Simone

Mariko Tamaki

Kelly Thompson

Leah Williams

G. Willow Wilson

I got complaints on the bolded, which was over half of them. Every single woman mentioned had a comic out.

In contrast, I only received four complaints about the 27 male writers who had a comic published at DC during the same period (I did receive a handful of responses that were Marvel focused, but everyone listed has also written for DC at some point). The other 10 writers mentioned either did not have any comics out during the period or had comics published at other imprints.

Now, I specified I wanted petty annoyances. Things you can't vibe with. It became really noticeable to me as the responses rolled in that I was getting a lot more complaints about women than was statistically likely, given the disproportionate split in how many men v women v nonbinary folk have written for DC.

(I am leaving the analysis of nonbinary writers aside as there are exactly nine openly nonbinary writers who have written for DC comics ever, and both complaints are about Grant Morrison. Part of me does want to do a comparison of Grant Morrison v Vita Ayala, Danny Lore and Alyssa Wong, the only others who have at least 10 title credits, but I feel it's difficult given only Morrison and Ayala actually have substantial credits and most of Morrison's work came out before they came out)

I think the conclusion to this is that as a cohort, we tend to be a lot more judgmental about women's writing than men's writing. Which: not an unexpected conclusion. But interesting to have another datapoint towards it, and especially the recency bias here, where every woman complained about had a comic currently out with DC.

[rainbowsans]

Hello! •,• I am fan of yours and I have question I hope is not taken rude,and please do not answer if is uncomfortable question! I mean not to offend nor make uncomfortable (English is my third language sorry if it is bad)I am new learning lgbtqia+ community! Has been cool to meet new lgbtqia+ friends

if it happens to be to personal I hope you’ll ignore or ist say so,but figure you share information so maybe it ok? I was wondering how can be one he/him and one lesbian, I like to understand.

can man be lesbian? What that mean to you personal level <3 I know not enough, it can be hard to ask because people become mad when ask questions sometime.. id love to learn and seek to understand but if not good question then I am very sorry to you! I hope you have beautiful day or nighttime lovely person!

🩶

okay first and further most

im non-binary, NOT a man. thats a VERY important part of the he/him lesbian label. Men cannot be lesbian, PERIOD.

i use he/him pronouns because i am comfortable with using them, pronouns do not equal gender. you can use any pronouns and be cis, gay, lesbian, etc...

"a he/him lesbian is a non-binary masculine, feminine, or non-aligned person who identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by he/him pronouns (or a woman that identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by those pronouns). you can be a lesbian as long as you're not a man and go by any pronouns you wish to go by. if you're a woman or a non-binary person, no matter your alignment, you can be a lesbian."

quote is from this helpful carrd

so yeah, im a nonbinary individual who has a leaning preference to non/male aligned folks so i am a lesbian, i just use he/him pronouns because those are what i am most comfortable with using.

i've spent years trying to figure out my sexuality and i realized that i connect more in being a lesbian than pansexual back in early high school, it made me feel like i found a piece in myself that i was missing for so long if that makes sense, i feel complete, more of myself now.

[canichangemyblogname]

I watched all eight episodes of season 1 of Blue Eye Samurai over the weekend. I then went browsing because I wanted to read some online reviews of the show to see what people were thinking of it and also because I wanted to interact with gifs and art, as the series is visually stunning.

Yet, in my search for opinions on the show, I came across several points I'd like to address in my own words:

Mizu’s history and identity are revealed piece-by-piece and the “peaches” scene with Mizu and Ringo at the lake is intended to be a major character reveal. I think it’s weird that some viewers got angry over other viewers intentionally not gendering Mizu until that reveal, rather than immediately jumping to gender the character as the other characters in the show do. The creators intentionally left Mizu’s gender and sexuality ambiguous (and quite literally wrote in lines to lead audiences to question both) to challenge the viewer’s gut assumption that this lone wolf samurai is a man. That intentional ambiguity will lead to wide and ambiguous interpretations of where Mizu fits in, if Mizu fits in at all. But don't just take my word for this:

Re: above. I also think it’s weird that some viewers got upset over other viewers continuing to acknowledge that Mizu has a very complicated relationship with her gender, even after that reveal. Canonically, she has a very complicated relationship with her identity. The character is intended to represent liminality in identity, where she’s often between identities in a world of forced binaries that aren’t (widely) socially recognized as binaries. But, again, don’t just take my word for this:

Mizu is both white and Japanese, but she is also not white and not Japanese simultaneously (too white to be Japanese and too Japanese to be white). She’s a woman and a man. She’s a man who’s a woman. She’s also a woman who’s not a woman (yet also not quite a man). But she’s also a woman; the creators said so. Mizu was raised as a boy and grew into a man, yet she was born a girl, and boyhood was imposed upon her. She’s a woman when she’s a man, a man when she’s a man, and a woman when she’s a woman.

Additionally, Mizu straddles the line between human and demon. She’s a human in the sense she’s mortal but a demon in the sense she’s not. She's human yet otherworldly. She's fallible yet greatness. She's both the ronin and the bride, the samurai and the onryō. In short, it’s complicated, and that’s the point. Ignoring that ignores a large part of her internal character struggle and development.

Mizu is intended to represent an “other,” someone who stands outside her society in every way and goes to lengths to hide this “otherness” to get by. Gender is a mask; a tool. She either hides behind a wide-brimmed hat, glasses, and laconic anger, or she hides behind makeup, her dress, and a frown. She fits in nowhere, no matter the identity she assumes. Mizu lives in a very different time period within a very different sociocultural & political system where the concept of gender and the language surrounding it is unlike what we are familiar with in our every-day lives. But, again, don’t just take my word for this:

It’s also weird that some viewers have gotten upset over the fact women and queer people (and especially queer women) see themselves in Mizu. Given her complicated relationship with identity under the patriarchy and colonial violence, I think Mizu is a great character for cis-het women and queer folks alike to relate to. Her character is also great for how she breaks the mold on the role of a biracial character in narratives about identity (she’s not some great bridge who will unite everyone). It does not hurt anyone that gender-fluid and nonbinary people see themselves in Mizu's identity and struggle with identity. It does not hurt anyone that lesbians see themselves in the way Mizu expresses her gender. It does not hurt anyone that trans men see themselves in Mizu's relationship with manhood or that trans women can see themselves in Mizu when Mama forces her to be a boy. It's also really cool that cis-het women see themselves in Mizu's struggles to find herself. Those upset over these things are missing critical aspects of Mizu's character and are no different from the other characters in the story. The only time Mizu is herself is when she’s just Mizu (“…her gender was Mizu”), and many of the other characters are unwilling to accept "just Mizu." Accepting her means accepting the complicatedness of her gender.

Being a woman under the patriarchy is complicated and gives women a complicated relationship with their gender and identity. It is dangerous to be a woman. Women face violence for being women. Being someone who challenges sex-prescribed norms and roles under patriarchy also gives someone a complicated relationship with their identity. It is dangerous to usurp gender norms and roles (then combine that with being a woman...). People who challenge the strict boxes they're assigned face violence for existing, too. Being a racial or ethnic minority in a racially homogeneous political system additionally gives someone a complicated relationship with their identity. It is dangerous to be an ethnic minority when the political system is reproduced on your exclusion and otherness. They, too, face violence for the circumstances of their birth. All of these things are true. None of them take away from the other.

Mizu is young-- in her early 20s-- and she has been hurt in deeply affecting ways. She's angry because she's been hurt in so many different ways. She's been hurt by gender violence, like "mama's" misogyny and the situation of her birth (her mother's rape and her near murder as a child), not to mention the violent and dehumanizing treatment of the women around her. She's been hurt by racial violence, like the way she has been tormented and abused since childhood for the way she looks (with people twice trying to kill her for this before adulthood). She's been hurt by state-sanctioned violence as she faces off against the opium, flesh, and black market traders working with white men in contravention of the Shogun's very policies, yet with sanction from the Shogun. She's been hurt by colonial violence, like the circumstances of her birth and the flood of human trafficking and weapons and drug trafficking in her country. She's had men break her bones and knock her down before, but only Fowler sexually differentiated her based on bone density and fracture.

Mizu also straddles the line between victim and murderer.

It seems like Mizu finding her 'feminine' and coming to terms with her 'female side' may be a part of her future character development. Women who feel caged by modern patriarchal systems and alienated from their bodies due to the patriarchy will see themselves in Mizu. They understand a desire for freedom that the narrow archetypes of the patriarchy do not afford them as women, and they see their anger and their desire for freedom in Mizu. This, especially considering that Mizu's development was driven by one of the creators' own experiences with womanhood:

No, Mizu does not pass as a man because she "hates women" or because she hates herself as a woman or being a woman. There are actual on-screen depictions of Mizu's misogyny, like her interactions with Akemi, and dressing like a man is not an instance of this. Mizu shows no discomfort with being a woman or being seen as a woman, especially when she intends to pass herself as and present as a woman. Mizu also shows the women in the series more grace and consideration than any man in the show, in whatever capacity available to her socially and politically, without revealing herself; many of the women have remarked that she is quite unlike other men, and she's okay with that, too.

When she lives on the farm with Mama and Mikio, Mizu shows no discomfort once she acclimates to the new life. But people take this as conclusive evidence of the "only time" she was happy. She was not. This life was also a dance, a performance. The story of her being both the ronin and the onryō revealed to the audience that this lifestyle also requires her to wear a mask and dance, just as the bride does. This mask is makeup, a wedding dress, and submission, and this performance is her gender as a wife. She still understands that she cannot fully be herself and only begins to express happiness and shed her reservation when she believes she is finally safe to be herself. Only to be betrayed. Being a man is her safety, and it is familiar. Being a boy protected her from the white men as a child, and it might protect her heart now.

Mizu shows no discomfort with being known as a woman, except when it potentially threatens her goals (see Ringo and the "peaches" scene). She also shows no discomfort with being known as, seen as, or referred to as a man. As an adult, she seems okay- even familiar- with people assuming she's a man and placing her into the role of a man. Yet, being born a girl who has boyhood violently imposed upon her (she did not choose what mama did to her) is also an incredibly important part of her lived experience. Being forced into boyhood, but growing into a man anyway became part of who she is. But, being a man isn’t just a part of who she became; it’s also expedient for her goals because men and women are ontologically different in her world and the system she lives under.

She's both because she's neither, because- ontologically- she fits nowhere. When other characters point out how "unlike" a man she is, she just shrugs it off, but not in a "well, yeah, because I'm NOT a man" sort of way, but in an "I'm unlike anyone, period," sort of way. She also does not seem offended by Madam Kaji saying that Mizu’s more man than any who have walked through her door.

(Mizu doesn’t even see herself as human, let alone a woman, as so defined by her society. And knowing that creators have stated her future arc is about coming into her “feminine era” or energy, I am actually scared that this show might fall into the trope of “domesticating”/“taming” the independent woman, complete with an allegory that her anger and lack of human-ness [in Mizu’s mind] is a result of a woman having too much “masculine energy” or being masculine in contravention of womanness.)

Some also seem to forget that once Mama and Mikio are dead, no one knows who she is or where she came from. They do not have her background, and they do not know about the bounty on her (who levied the bounty and why has not yet been explained). After their deaths, she could have gone free and started anew somehow. But in that moment, she chose to go back to life as a man and chose to pursue revenge for the circumstances of her birth. Going forward, this identity is no longer imposed upon her by Mama, or a result of erroneous conclusions from local kids and Master Eiji; it was because she wanted people to see her as a man and she was familiar with navigating her world, and thus her future, as a man. And it was because she was angry, too, and only men can act on their anger.

I do think it important to note that Mizu really began to allow herself to be vulnerable and open as a woman, until she was betrayed. The question I've been rattling around is: is this because she began to feel safe for the first time in her life, or is this part of how she sees women ontologically? Because she immediately returns to being a man and emotionally hard following her betrayal. But, she does seem willing to confide in Master Eiji, seek his advice, and convey her anxieties to him.

Being a man also confines Mizu to strict social boxes, and passing herself as a man is also dangerous.

Mizu doesn't suddenly get to do everything and anything she wants because she passes as a man. She has to consider her safety and the danger of her sex being "found out." She must also consider what will draw unnecessary attention to her and distract her from her goals. Many viewers, for example, were indignant that she did not offer to chaperone the mother and daughter and, instead, left them to the cold, only to drop some money at their feet later. The indignity fails consider that while she could bribe herself inside while passing as a man, she could not bribe in two strangers. Mizu is a strange man to that woman and does not necessarily have the social position to advocate for the mother and daughter. She also must consider that causing small social stirs would distract from her goals and draw certain attention to her. Mizu is also on a dangerous and violent quest.

Edo Japan was governed by strict class, age, and gender rules. Those rules applied to men as well as women. Mizu is still expected to act within these strict rules when she's a man. Being a man might allow her to pursue revenge, but she's still expected to put herself forward as a man, and that means following all the specific rules that apply to her class as a samurai, an artisan (or artist), and a man. That wide-brimmed hat, those orange-tinted glasses, and her laconic tendencies are also part of a performance. Being a boy is the first mask she wore and dance she performed, and she was originally (and tragically) forced into it.

Challenging the normative identities of her society does not guarantee her safety. She has limitations because of her "otherness," and the transgression of sex-prescribed roles has often landed people in hot water as opposed to saving them from boiling. Mizu is passing herself off as a man every day of her life at great risk to her. If her sex is "found out" on a larger scale, society won’t resort to or just start treating her as a woman. There are far worse fates than being perceived as a woman, and hers would not simply be a tsk-tsk, slap on the wrist; now you have to wear makeup. Let's not treat being a woman-- even with all the pressures, standards, fears, and risks that come with existing as a woman-- as the worst consequence for being ‘found out’ for transgressing normative identity.

The violence Mizu would face upon being "found out" won’t only be a consequence of being a "girl." Consider not just the fact she is female and “cross-dressing” (outside of theater), but also that she is a racial minority.

I also feel like many cis-het people either ignore or just cannot see the queerness in challenging gender roles (and thus also in stories that revolve around a subversion of sex-prescribed gender). They may not know how queerness-- or "otherness"-- leads to challenging strict social stratifications and binaries nor how challenging them is seen by the larger society as queer ("strange," "suspicious," "unconventional," even "dishonorable," and "fraudulent"), even when "queerness" (as in LGBTQ+) was not yet a concept as we understand it today.

Gender and sexuality- and the language we use to communicate who we are- varies greatly across time and culture. Edo Japan was governed by strict rules on what hairstyles, clothes, and weapons could be worn by which gender, age, and social group, and this was often enshrined in law. There were specific rules about who could have sex with whom and how. These values and rules were distinctly Japanese and would not incorporate Western influences until the late 1800s. Class was one of the most consequential features to define a person's fate in feudal Japan, and gender was quite stratified. This does not mean it's inappropriate for genderqueer people to see themselves in Mizu, nor does this mean that gender-variant identities didn’t exist in Edo Japan.

People in the past did not use the same language we do today to refer to themselves. Example: Alexander The Great did not call himself a "bisexual." We all understand this. However, there is a very weird trend of people using these differences in language and cultures across time to deny aspects of a historical person's life that societies today consider taboo, whether these aspects were considered taboo during that historical time period or not. Same example: people on Twitter complaining that Netflix "made" Alexander The Great "gay," and after people push back and point out that the man did, in fact, love and fuck men, hitting back with "homosexuality wasn't even a word back then" or "modern identity didn't exist back then." Sure, that word did not exist in 300s BCE Macedonia, but that doesn't mean the man didn't love men, nor does that mean that we can't recognize that he'd be considered "queer" by today's standards and language.

Genderqueer, as a word and as the concept is understood today, did not exist in feudal Japan, but the people did and feudal Japan had its own terms and concepts that referred to gender variance. But while the show takes place in Edo Japan, it is a modern adult animation series made by a French studio and two Americans (nationality). Mizu is additionally a fictional character, not a historical figure. She was not created in a vacuum. She was created in the 21st century and co-written by a man who got his start writing for Sex in the City and hails from a country that is in the midst of a giant moral panic about genderqueer/gender-variant people and gender non-conforming people.

This series was created by two Americans (nationality) for an American company. In some parts of that country, there are laws on the book strictly defining the bounds of men and women and dictating what clothes men and women could be prosecuted for wearing. Changes in language and identity over time mean that we can recognize that if Mizu lived in modern Texas, the law would consider her a drag performer, and modern political movements in the show creators' home country would include her under the queer umbrella.

So, yeah, there will also be genderqueer people who see themselves in Mizu, and there will be genderqueer fans who are firm about Mizu being queer to them and in their “headcanons.” The scene setting being Edo Japan, does not negate the modern ideas that influence the show. "Nonbinary didn't exist in Edo Japan" completely ignores that this show was created to explore the liminality of modern racial, gender, class, and normative identities. One of the creators was literally inspired by her own relationship with her biracial identity.

Ultimately, the fact Mizu, at this point in her journey, chooses to present and pass as a man and the fact her presented gender affects relationship dynamics with other characters (see: Taigen) gives this story a queer undertone. And this may have been largely unintentional: "She’s a girl, and he’s a guy, so, of course, they get together," < ignoring how said guy thinks she’s a guy and that she intentionally passes herself as a guy. Audiences ARE going to interpret this as queer because WE don’t live in Edo-era Japan. And I feel like people forget that Mizu can be a woman and the story can still have queer undertones to it at the same time.

[void-thegod]

Trans Men are Men: Experience Is & Isn't Unique

I am a trans man. I am a trans man of color. I am autistic and have cptsd. I am of mixed race and am brown. I am conventionally attractive and above average intelligence. I am very cringe.

I am a trans man that is binary. I am a trans man that is queer. I am a trans man that is demisexual. I am a trans man that is generally attracted to women. I am a trans man that has been attracted to many other people before.

I am a man.

I am a trans man that "always knew".

My experiences as a trans man are unique to me. My experiences as a trans man may not be entirely unique to me. My experiences as a trans man are not entirely unique to trans men.

My experience as a trans man cannot be separated from my transness or being a man.

Many cisgender men, nonbinary folk, intersex people, trans women, and cisgender women have had experiences similar to mine.

They have had experiences similar, period.

My experiences as a trans man do not exist in a vacuum.

I am a trans man and I am human. (barring any weird conspiracy theories, which I love)

Right now I am stating a bunch of obvious things. Trying to give anyone reading a feel for the nuance of all this...

Because it is necessary for people to understand: all of these experiences are human experiences. And they are also tied to our unique features.

So: if someone -- anyone -- says they've experienced a thing?

Be quiet. Let them speak.

Assuming someone is a predator, full of shit, or otherwise out to mar the reputation of their own demographic? That's pretty fucked up.

I'm writing all of this because ... I am bothered.

I am bothered by what I am experiencing. What I have seen. What seems to be a pattern in how trans men are treated. When they are treated one way or another. Why they are silenced sometimes and not others. Etc

And I want to write about it from my perspective.

If you don't like that, block me.

[not-poignant]

This is the anon the said 'safe'. Your tags hit me hard, since I'm actually starting a transition but am avoiding hrt. I've been getting pushback on it, and been told I'm not really trans without it. I know what I want to change to feel like myself. Also what I don't want to change. That's probably why 'safe' was my choice. It sucks when you think you should belong, but still feel like you aren't good enough. It helped to hear you have felt the same. I just want to give you a big virtual hug.

Ahhh I have a similar story, anon <333 I'm so sorry you went through it too.

Under a read more because it contains transphobia towards a nonbinary person from a binary trans person. My experiences are from a nonbinary lens, anon, so take the bits that are useful to you and ignore the rest, depending on where you sit on the trans spectrum <333

When I started realising I was transmasc (I'd known I was non-binary for a while) I remember that I talked to a trans man about it, he'd been going through the process for a couple of years at that point and we'd talked about that too at different points.

And I remember mentioning that I'd thought about hormones, but I was still on the fence because I'm nonbinary, not like 'binary trans' (i.e. I'm not going from point A to point B, where you move from AFAB to man or AMAB to woman), and I was talking about wanting they/them pronouns and maybe he/him pronouns at that point.

And he said: 'Oh cool, yeah, hopefully that helps until you decide for sure with testosterone and surgery.' I had this moment of like ??? and he was like 'when you realise and can be brave enough to commit to being a guy, I hope that goes really well for you.'

It was one of the most transphobic things I'd ever heard, not because it was said from a hateful place (it really wasn't, I'm still friends with this guy), but because it came from a friend, I was being very vulnerable during the conversation and it left me feeling like I didn't have a right to consider myself trans at all for about two years after that. It pushed me into this space where I'd been defined by a fellow trans person as a 'coward until I decided to be officially a man.' And then for two years I kept looking for that inside of myself, denying my non-binary-ness in favour of looking for a very clear and decisive 'I'm a man!' moment. It was a horrible period of time, gender-wise. Because being identified exclusively only as a man or a woman is dysphoric to me, so trying to do it to myself was like cutting at myself with an axe.

It's also very much like when gay and lesbian folk would say to me - back when I identified as bisexual - 'get back to me when you pick a side / become a real queer.' There's a real phobic bent among folks who are 'one or the other' (sighs) towards people who are in the liminal with this stuff and that's where they belong. And it hadn't occurred to me that I'd hear a version of that from a fellow trans person. You'd think I'd have learned, right?

He and I are still friends, but I stopped talking to him about all of my experiences as a trans and nonbinary person. It was clear to me, in that moment, he saw me as a much lesser version of an identity he'd embraced and was living. You know, how so many people think of nonbinary transmascs. (It's also frustrating, because trans men also don't need to have hormones or surgery to be trans men, and it makes me furious when people take this attitude with binary trans folk too, but I'm mostly focusing on my own experience here, of the myriad ways we encounter transphobia in the trans community).

I never heard anything quite like that again, but I've had one other trans guy be like 'when you're ready for testosterone, I'll support you' like he was waiting in the wings for me to 'fully make a decision to be 100% a man' which isn't a decision I can make, because I'm not 100% a man, lmao, I'm like 80% of one, and 20% something else, and 0% woman, lmao, which is why I call myself nonbinary transmasc.

I was lucky that through research and listening to voices in nonbinary transmasc spaces and more open-minded trans spaces that I realised that I'd encountered transphobia, and that this specific kind of transphobia is particularly common in the trans community, especially in cases where a trans man or woman has a period of being nonbinary as an experiment to see what transitioning feels like before they fully commit to the surgery and/or hormones and name etc. that they often wanted all along. So they often project this onto other people, because for them being nonbinary was a midway point, or the middle of an evolution. But being nonbinary isn't an experiment for most nonbinary people, it's literally our identity and it always will be. (And any binary trans person reading this, don't ever use this rhetoric with your nonbinary friends, or your fellow binary trans friends who have elected not to use hormones or surgery - it's transphobic.)

These days, I'm proudly trans and proudly part of the trans community, but I'm also aware that there are a lot of binary trans people who will treat me and other trans folk as 'other' because I haven't suffered through the same surgeries or adjustments that they have. That's...their transphobia, and it's not me expressing my identity wrongly, or being 'lesser', it's just straight up transphobia. It belongs to them, not to me. I don't believe we have a unique word for nonbinary transphobia, it all comes under the same umbrella, but that's definitely what it is.

When you start to feel like you don't belong, anon, remind yourself that this is internalised transphobia, not to punish yourself, but to remind yourself that it's not true. Those feelings belong to the people who gave them to you, but they're not innately or inherently true, they actually have nothing to do with how valid you are at every stage of your transition.

You're fully a trans man if you don't take hormones, and you're fully nonbinary if you do. Whatever you need (or don't need) to affirm or express your gender for you, is what you need, and that deserves to be respected and fully validated no matter what, at any time. Whether it's binding or not binding, hormones or not hormones, hormones and then 'not for the next few years' and then hormones again, surgery or not surgery, etc. Whether you're a trans man, woman, nonbinary, agender etc.

People have this idea of what it is to be a 'proper' trans, bi, gay, lesbian person (like the 'gold star lesbian' which is horrendously disgusting as a term and concept), but all you need - literally all you need - re: these things, is to just... know you're these things. That's it. That's how a gay person can know they're gay without having sex. That's how a bi person can know they're bi without sleeping with someone of the same sex. And it's how a trans person knows they're trans without looking perfectly androgynous or perfectly binary trans (depending on what they desire) on the outside. (Don't get me started on fatphobia in androgynous and nonbinary spaces, and the equation of true 'nonbinary androgyny' with thinness, because that's a whole other rant for another day, lol).

I'm sorry you've experienced that pressure to be 'more' of something from society / particular people. I can specifically relate on the hormones front because I actually went quite far into looking into taking T, to the point where my doctor was ready to sign off with an endocrinologist, before I realised that it wasn't the right decision for me. It might be one day, but right now I know I'm transmasc without it, and I'm concerned about some of the side effects with my neuroendocrine tumours. There are other ways I affirm my gender that work great for me. But I did have a moment of knowing that would impact how other people see me, and it's one thing when it comes from all the cis people, but it's another thing when it comes from the trans community as well. :( Thankfully most people are really validating now, use the right pronouns, and I just don't confide nonbinary vulnerabilities with folks who saw being nonbinary as a midpoint of their own evolution/journey, just to be safe, lmao.

Wishing you fortune and strength and much validation, anon <3 You are amazing as you are, whatever you decide to do or not do in the future. :) *hugs*

[seyemvertisepra]

A list of known Centauri nonbinary cultural identities in the pre-Republic era. Of course, there are infinite ways for a person to express being outside a gender binary, and I could not possibly list them all here.

This is, however, a list of some of our more prominent and culturally established ones. As with all gender concerns, these are not rigid categories and it wouldn't have been unheard of for an individual to mix and match traits from two or more of them.

**Trailwatchers**

A Trailwatcher, sometimes Trailmaid, is a short-crested Centauri that lives within a Creche and who is seen as a woman. They were often trusted with the task of greeting incoming Claves and establishing friendly communication with them.

Humans might recognize elements of butch identity in Trailwatchers, who were often ascribed outspoken and boisterous personalities and served as protectors for the other women of their Creche.

Additionally, this identity is strongly associated with lesbianism. Trailwatchers typically dressed very feminine and despite their crests associated far more with other women than with men.

In the Republic era, Trailwatchers were often infantilized and characterized as mentally fragile, being pushed to shave their crests and grow manes, and otherwise blend in with a typical Abbey woman. While male-aligned genderqueerness was typically punished harshly, women's divergent identities were treated as correctable and something to be pitied. Cognitive behavior therapies were often employed to coerce them into a binary presentation.

**Go-Betweens**

Widely varied in presentation and identity, a Go-Between is a term used to describe Centauri who easily fraternize with both men and women and often maintain both Clave and Creche bonds. These people can be male, female, or androgynous presenting. They would live a nomadic lifestyle, periodically staying in a Creche-City and then being picked up by a passing Clave until they arrived in the next city.

Go-Betweens are seen as friendly, energetic, and mercurial. Though very diverse, a well-known Go-Between look was a short trimmed mane styled in a crest like poof or topknot and a masculine or androgynous style of dress.

They were often pansexual or asexual, even non-partnering. They were perhaps the most well traveled of all Centauri, even more so than binary men, and often became guides and wise folk in old age when they became too frail to continue their journeys.

In the Republic Era, Go-Between became a common catchall for genderqueerness, with other distinct identities often being mistakenly or perhaps maliciously folded into it. In the process, the identity itself largely disappeared, and only recently has a liberated younger generation begun to reclaim aspects of it. It is probably the identity most commonly blended with that of other Centauri third genders.

**Over-Seasoners**

An Over-Seasoner is a crested or maned Centauri who often lives long term in a Clave and may identify as a man or simply live the lifestyle of one while feeling themself to be female or androgynous.

They get their name from their flamboyance and their tendency to spend the long winter seasons with a Creche containing their relatives telling stories they picked up on trips with their Clave. The double meaning of "over-season" is intentional and translates directly from Centauri Common into English; referring both to their "spiciness" and their living habits.

Over-Seasoners are artists and storytellers, often musicians. Their ability to convey cultural information between Claves and Creches helped maintain the bonds between family lines over long distances. They are usually seen as the originators of drag in Centauri culture, as they often wore women's clothes during performances in particular.

Like Go-Betweens, there is little evidence to suggest this gender contributed to reproductive labor in particular, and many Over-Seasoners saw themselves as gay men.

Individuals identified as Over-Seasoners suffered very openly in the Republic era, simultaneously being oppressed and fetishized. The propaganda campaigns against this identity framed it as a form of male weakness, often put side by side with other forms of Aberrancy.

Still, many found a way to live as themselves through sex work, a mixed bag that allowed for self-expression at the cost of being objectified by those who lusted after them. Men who were not Over-Seasoners could often be accused of such if they were perceived by their peers as too effeminate or sympathetic to women.

[borathae]

i was reading the latest chapter and i was wondering the true reason why oc was upset at upset at taes outburst? was it bc there was an element of truth in it? or she’s hurt that tae interpreted that whole period of time wrong? that tae never told her his true feelings about it? or an accumulation of everything going wrong and him yelling at her made her feel worse?

bc in my eyes i find it kinda sad bc i do feel like tae wouldn’t have said that if there wasn’t even 5% truth to it 😭😭

i also find it strange that oc would never have had picked up on how much it would truly affect tae when he was in prison and her falling in love with yoongi or even trying to put herself in taes shoes on what she would feel if she was in prison and tae went and fell in love with another girl but idk 😭😭

Definitely because Tae sees her in such a light and that he would think of her that way, because of how utterly false it it.

Back when he was in prison she fought for him as hard as she could back then. She tried to reason with Yoongi as much as she could, even fought with him passionately, went behind his back quite a few times and nearly got herself killed because she snuck into the prison despite Yoongi's warnings. Back then, that is all she could do to help Tae and I do think that back then, she fought as hard as she could with the resources and knowledge she had back then 🤔

So I definitely think that she was hurt when Tae said that "she never fought for him" when she very clearly did 😔

or even trying to put herself in taes shoes on what she would feel if she was in prison and tae went and fell in love with another girl but idk 😭😭

In her defense, Tae regularly fucks women, men and nonbinary folks who aren't part of the inner poly circle and even calls many of them "his lovers" fnadnsf so if we really want to talk about that aspect, she regularly experiences that with him either way. But because it was never a problem for her and she also knows how positively Tae feels about being in an open relationship, she never considered that aspect to be a problem 🤔

[raviniaraven]

You know what really bugs me about when dating apps like Tinder or Grindr or Bumble have the gender options like "Yeah you can pick whatever you want! Look at how inclusive we are!"

It's always followed by "do you want to appear in results for men or women". It's followed by "we don't know how to show people matches without making all results fit into this binary." It's basically letting you pick your exact identity and pronouns, then blocking you in with a side of the binary anyways bc they don't know how to code their site to suggest people as anything other than male or female. And most of the time that leads to trans/nonbinary folk that try to use these getting ignored/misgendered/harassed by cis people looking for other cis people that act like we're "invading their space"

You know the amount of insults and death threats I got when I tried to use Grindr? The amount of abrupt disconnects I got on Tinder from people that didn't read the bio?

These dating apps just straight up don't work if you aren't cis, and the things they're trying to make themselves look more inclusive aren't doing anything more than forcing us back into the binary in a way that either insults us or leads to us being treated badly

(And lemme tell you, LGBT specific dating apps aren't any better. I dealt with the same amount of transphobic shit on those, or just a lack of users period)

[smallhorizons]

friendly reminder that gender essentialism, transmedicalism, bioessentialism, and intersexism are inherently transphobic (& often transmisogynist, enbyphobic, & racist). they recreate & uphold false colonial gender & sex binaries that can be and often are reinforced with violence and hostility.

the Powers That Be (transphobic governments, cis anti-trans 'activists', wealthy TERFs [cough cough]) use these talking points to shape legislature that is contributing to a genocide against trans people ... but we as trans people also have a responsibility to each other to not engage in lateral violence, especially when that violence can be used to push people out of spaces they rely on for much-needed support (be that support financial, social, or otherwise)

what does this look like?

claims that feminine trans men/mascs, butch/masculine trans women/femmes, and/or any trans & nonbinary people who present similarly to their gender assigned at birth, aren't 'really' trans, are 'appropriating' the trans experience, 'just want to be oppressed', or are somehow responsible for societal transphobia

claiming that medical transition is the central aspect of being transgender and dismissing trans people who can't or don't want to medically transition as not actually being trans

focusing on 'AFAB' as a 'safe' gender assignment or centering AGAB as your axis of (trans) solidarity, while holding trans folks who were AMAB to very high standards to 'prove' that they are safe

making claims that somebody's AGAB results in intrinsic experiences such as being 'socialized as male' that 'all A[F/M]AB people' experience, especially when you talk over trans people who are telling you that their own experience does not line up with your claims

transfeminized debt (expecting trans women & femmes to "make up" for their supposed past ~male privilege~) & its inverse, which I don't believe has an agreed-upon term yet, in which trans men & mascs are expected to make up for their current supposed ~male privilege~

saying that trans men who step out of line/talk over trans women & femmes are "male brained" and, conversely, blaming trans women's so-called 'male socialization' for if they talk over trans men & mascs

talking over or dismissing intersex trans folks' histories because they don't fit into your expectations of what an 'afab/amab' experience looks like, and calling intersex people's "credentials" into question if they talk about their experience in a way you don't understand

claiming that testosterone makes you uncontrollably violent, or otherwise anthropomorphizing testosterone as a uniquely powerful hormone that poisons/ruins pre/no-transition trans women/femmes as well as trans men/mascs/nonbinary folks on T (note: this does NOT include trans folks, esp trans women & femmes, talking about their own negative experiences with testosterone in regards to their own dysphoria)

and lots of other examples i'm sure folks can share

to be absolutely clear, there is no one 'group' of trans people who are ~solely responsible~ for the above. I've seen trans folks of pretty much all backgrounds, agabs, identities, transition status, etc. lash out at other trans people over any one of the above points. tho there are some trends that are more prevalent in some trans communities than others - e.g., belief in afab-ness as central to trans solidarity being almost exclusively in spaces dominated by afab trans people who have terf rhetoric to unlearn - all the above statements are connected in that they uphold rigid, colonial gender roles that are intrinsically separate from one another, and can be used to punish those who do not fall neatly into such binary.

further, no trans person or community is responsible for the oppressive, genocidal actions of the ruling cis patriarchal class. period.

we should be in solidarity with one another. and while we do not have the power by ourselves to dismantle the oppressive structures that harm us, we can at least reflect on our own beliefs and make sure we are not contributing to any lateral harm against each other.

[wistsandmagic]

Sometimes the 'expectations' of the yarn-workers' community irl astounds me. I had to go to Michael's this morning to pick up a special-order yarn that I have been waiting for FOREVER (as in like 5 months at this point) ...and while I was there I of course went to go look at the in-stock yarn. (CHRISTMAS SALES YES!!!)

Here I am, dressed in glittery jeans, my pseudo-binder and an Unnus Annus hoodie, baby-gay rainbow converse, bright-ass blue hair yanked up in a messy ponytail out of my face, transformers mask, and not exactly looking either feminine or masculine, puttering around with my cane and a few skeins of clearance cotton yarn in my arms. The looks I got this Sunday morning, let me tell you.

One sweet little old lady came up as I was digging through the crochet thread, trying to find the gauge I need, and asked me if I was looking for something for my 'sister or mother...or perhaps my girlfriend?' Because she'd be happy to help me find it. She was sweet and quite frankly thinking I was a dude was oddly gratifying, but...still. Dudes can't crochet? Or knit? Really? I told her it was for me and I had JUST found it, but she was so kind for asking if I needed help, and the look of UTTER SHOCK on her face was...disconcerting.

Another middle-aged lady was trying to find a very specific wool yarn. I heard her talking to herself trying to find it, and since I knew where it was, I told her. Her EXACT WORDS WERE "you must come here with your girlfriend a lot if you know that!" she wasn't being cruel, I don't think. But when I told her I knew because I used that yarn myself for a crochet blanket project, she looked dumbfounded.

Even the CASHIER told me I 'didn't look the type to work with yarn' when I went up to cash out. She was smiling and I think she meant it in a good way? She sounded very approving, but...what, exactly is the 'type' to work with yarn? Literally any-freakin'-body can do it if they want to. Men, women, third-gender, children, adults, teenagers, little old grandmas with knitting needles out the wazoo, young dads trying to keep track of rowdy toddlers, punks with mohawks and spiked collars, biker-dudes with more tattoos than bare skin, picture-perfect barbie girls, nerdy dudes with glasses, football jocks, flaming LGBTQA folks, children with clumsy fingers trying for the first time, the disabled in all our various forms, the neurodivergent in all our various modes, the happy, the sad, the sick, the well, IT DOES NOT MATTER. YARNCRAFT IS NOT A GATED COMMUNITY. Whether it's crochet, knitting, tatting, armenien lace, or something else, it doesn't matter. if you feel like working with yarn, you should be and are welcome.

Quit giving shocked looks when someone who doesn't fit your narrow ideal of someone who enjoys working with yarn in their hands buys yarn. Y'all are the reason so many people are afraid to TRY it, much like any other thing that doesn't fit some narrow 'ideal' of the 'type' of person for whatever it is.

I'm not displeased that people thought I was a dude. I'm nonbinary, if I manage androgynous when I am definitely female-body-shape leaning because I am chonk and I have boobs bigger than hell in a handbasket, I am happy! I'm not happy about the evident split-second judgement.

Be better. Period.

[skittlexsunshine]

I'm nonbinary (and bi) and can at least anecdotally confirm @doctorprofessorsong 's assumptions about the toll passing takes on nonbinary and trans people.

Do you know how it feels to tread water for an extended period of time? How you're not making any progress toward a destination, but every muscle is exhausted and you're shivering but you have to keep treading water because the alternative is drowning? That's passing.

Over the winter, I changed jobs. My old job was an office with a proven history of supporting trans folks and had pronouns in signatures as business standard, and neutral language in HR policies, and employee resource groups etc. I was out and felt supported and welcomed. Sadly, that company was dissolving and I needed to move on.

My current job is in a much more conservative sector of the industry. Pronouns aren't used in signatures, we don't have an employee resource group despite being a large enough employer that I think we could, the dress code is tighter and broken down into men and women, the attitudes of management on every subject I can think of are somewhat old fashioned. This is not an environment in which I feel safe being out, and have consequently allowed work to perceive me as cishet woman (rather than queer and agender). "Hey girrrlll" and "hi ladies" etc are common.

The work is similar in both positions - I'm doing tasks that I enjoy and am good at and am confident about. I get positive feedback from peers, trainers, and managers alike. BUT: Since starting this new position, I have less energy, I have increased my anxiety/depression med dosage, I'm sleeping worse, and I'm noticing myself starting to think more in patterns that led me to disordered eating in the past. That's passing.

(I do feel it's important to note that I am safe. I have a supportive spouse, and the best family - found and blood - anyone could ask for. I'm aware of my mental illnesses and am capable of stopping unhealthy thought patterns in their tracks. I know if i need help, i will get it. This makes me very lucky.)

Honestly if there's ONE thing I wish I could get all queer people to understand is that if you're in a situation where you know everyone would treat you differently, especially to the point of it putting your life in danger, if they found out you're queer, you aren't experiencing privilege, you're in a hostage situation.

Like sorry experiencing "passing privilege" is actually just being trapped in a room with a bloodthirsty t-rex and having people tell you that you should be thankful because thier vision is based on movement and you can just stand still. It's not a privilege to be erased, to have to lie to everyone around you to stay safe-ish, to have to closet yourself because you know even a single step out of line could be the end of your entire world.

None of us should have to be thankful to stand in front of a loaded gun while the person holding it goes "haha, don't worry, I only use this on faggots, and you're not a fag....right?" Like this is not a net good and it has almost nothing in common with actually being part of a privileged group.

Anyway, Happy Pride, let's leave this shit behind.

[pashterlengkap]

Sue Bird & Megan Rapinoe join hundreds of athletes rallying the NCAA to prioritize trans inclusion

More than 400 current and former NCAA athletes – including longtime partners and LGBTQ+ greats Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird – have signed on to an open letter urging the collegiate athletic association to stand up for trans inclusion in sports. The letter to the NCAA Board of Governors opens by reminding the group that the NCAA is “meant to serve athletes and our wellbeing, to ensure the lifesaving power of sport is accessible to all athletes who compete in the championship and emerging sports and for NCAA-member institutions – including transgender athletes.” It continues, “To deny transgender athletes the fundamental right to be who they are, to access the sport they love, and to receive the proven mental and physical health benefits of sport goes against the very principles of the NCAA’s Constitution.” The NCAA’s current policy on trans athletes has been in place since 2022 and allows the national governing bodies for each sport to set their own standards. For the decade or so prior to that policy, trans women were required to have been undergoing testosterone suppression for at least a year before competing. The letter comes as the NCAA Board of Governors is set to meet on Thursday at a time of year that is often a “key rules-making period for the NCAA,” according to The Washington Post. It also comes only a few weeks after the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) approved a ban on trans women participating in women’s sports. Under the new policy, trans women and nonbinary students receiving masculinizing hormone therapy will be banned from participating in interscholastic competition on women’s teams. Students who are receiving hormone therapy will still be allowed to take part in workouts, practices, and other team activities, as well as men’s events. The ban has sparked LGBTQ+ activists to push the NCAA to clarify its stance on trans inclusion and stand up for trans athletes. “We know that the value of sport goes far beyond the playing field,” the letter states. “Sport allows people to develop a sense of self and identity and to reflect what we value as a community. Sport is a tremendous enabler of physical and mental health, teaches valuable lessons on teamwork and discipline, and has brought us lifelong community. Every single student should have access to the lifesaving power of sports.” The athletes also pointed out the “methodologically flawed and misinterpreted” studies used to justify excluding trans athletes and said “anti-trans legislation is largely fueled by propaganda and deception.” Two other letters also urged the NCAA Board of Governors to protect trans athletes, one from over 50 LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations and spearheaded by Athlete Ally and the other signed by over 300 academic scholars. It is unknown whether the Board of Governors plans to discuss trans inclusion policies or not. But as LGBTQ+ activists rally for trans rights, those against trans inclusion are also trying to make their case to the board. U.S. Olympic swimming gold medalist in Nancy Hogshead-Makar – currently CEO of the anti-trans organization Champion Women – has launched an email campaign asking folks to sign on to a form letter praising the NAIA’s trans athlete ban and encouraging the NCAA to follow suit. Earlier this month, House Republicans sent a letter to NCAA president Charlie Baker urging him to follow the NAIA and ban trans women from sports. The letter accused trans women of depriving cisgender women “of a fair opportunity to compete and achieve athletic success.” http://dlvr.it/T62pzs

[enbysorcerer]

Day 3: Another Time

Choose a different time period and describe what your character would have been like in that time period. Since dnd is pretty low-tech/medieval (maybe steampunk at the absolute best), let’s go for the modern era!

In the modern era, Malrius is still his flamboyant, gay (technically pan but he often describes himself as gay since he tends to prefer men/masculinity) self.

His family still runs a spiritual/witchy shop that was started by his grandparents in the early days of the Wiccan religion.

He absolutely has a fancy new car given to him by his sugar enby (like a sugar daddy/mommy but nonbinary), who is absolutely just a sugar enby and definitely not his datemate, why would you suggest such a thing?

He’s a self-described medium, but since that doesn’t really pay the bills, his day job is working at his parents’ shop (which is mostly reading tarot and occasionally holding seances for a fee).

Absolutely runs a witch blog on Tumblr and is very big into death-based magic. He also has a side blog for his art and music in addition to running all his parents’ shop’s social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, and possibly a Tumblr).

Relating to the above, his witchy interests include: any kind of divination (tarot and oracle are probably his favorites, but he can also work with Lenormand and runes), astrology, palmistry, spirit work, sex magic, and green witchcraft. Considers himself an eclectic grey witch (will use baneful magic if he desires).

Probably has a pet cat (a calico?) that is absolutely spoiled (only/primarily wet food, tallest cat tower, all the toys). Calls it his familiar.

Is a lot more of a political activist than his D&D self. He makes a point to always go to local protests and show his support for LGBTQ+ folks and people of color. 

Lost his hand/wrist in a car accident. It was crushed to the point of being unsalvageable after it got pinned when his car flipped. Like his D&D self, he has a very state-of-the-art prosthetic hand.

Would probably be French-Australian, and is fluent in both English and French. Really likes to confuse people who don’t understand Australian slang.

[messengerhermes]

Since I'm hollering about trans self image this week: If you're primary ways of seeing other trans people is via social media (and I don't mean like, actual friend interactions, I mean scrolling through your feeds to view the carefully constructed video clips and still shots of folks who've spent at least an hour getting their looks together and choosing camera angles) try finding online or in person trans social groups to hang out in.

There's a helluva lot tied up for trans folks of all genders in our appearances, and that can lead to a lot of internalized criticism just as much as it can cause gatekeeping/criticism in our own social spaces. And I think the lockdowns of the last two years have blended with the shift on social media for all of us to be Influencers™ with carefully crafted content has made a nasty Potion of Fuck With Your Self Image. I came of age and came into my transness in a time period where I had access to meatspace trans hangouts and groups. Those spaces were blended across age, class, race, and cultures in ways that 1) nipped any impulses to be prescriptive about what it means to be trans in the bud and 2) gave me permission to be something unpolished, half formed, undefined at times. Sure, there were the yearly banquets where we all threw on our finery and got together to celebrate a year of community and movement work, there were the somber memorials on Day of Remembrance where we came together and named our dead across the world, spoke their names because they matter. Those were occasions where everyone dressed in some way or another to impress. But there were also the support groups, half the attendees hiding in layers of fabric, or in outfits cobbled together from pieces we'd stashed under mattresses, behind dressers, our binders lumpy, tucks imperfect, voices uneven. Human. Support groups were the places people showed up even on the bad days where the mirror talks shit. Then there were the backyard barbecues, the potlucks, the house parties. The places where casual met clubwear. Where you'd get the trans dykes in the mom jeans and t shirts who rolled in on their choppers and the fashion models with not a hair out of place mincing through the grass in heels without so much as a wobble. The trans boys dressed like their Victorian poets and the ones who will bite you if you suggest they change their Naruto hoodie, right next to the dapper business men coming off from their 9 to fives and the he him butches in leather. You get the nonbinaries in cut off shorts and the ones looking like they just rolled up from Renn Fest. And everyone's got zits and rolls and wrinkles and saggy tits and knobby knees and looks like a fucking person, not a thirst trap come to life. And we're all still incredible, bodies still lit from within and hand crafted as we make our own images. TLDR: You're not ugly, you are not a "bad trans person" aesthetically. You're human, and likely in need of time spent out in community with other trans people who are also out here looking human.