#Medic looks good with Spys suit tho

[dailyheavymedic]

day 45

First time scheduling a post, so u guys can yell at me later after my 16 hour bus ride (ty dailysniperspy on twt for the og idea)

[thechocolatearmor]

OK OK OK OK OK people talk about sniper, or pyro, or medic being autistic right?

B u t

What if I told you all of them are?

Every single one.

Engineer? He's autistic. Soldier? Autistic. Frickin Spy?? Omgsh he's so autistic

So because my brain won't stop itching about this I'm going to write up a collection of all the evidence I have for why the TF2 mercenaries possess within their beings the big tism. By the time this is over y'all are going to be very sick of the word autism.

But IDC

So without further ado, let's go through each of these silly mercs one at a time:

Scout:

Alright, first up we got Scout. Scout I would consider to be AuDHD for multiple reasons

The ADHD is more obvious but like dude trust me he's autistic too

He's hyperactive, forgetful, gets distracted easily, kind of the basic stereotypical ADHD stuff you would notice immediately. He stims, he fidgets, he struggles in social situations, he's seen as over the top and a bit annoying, he talks a lot

Now a lot of these traits are things that are common for both autistics and adhders. But I wanna point out some things I notice about him that are autism specific

He has a special interest: It's Tom Jones. Honestly he probably has a special interest about baseball too

But I mean c'mon he's literally has a Tom Jones tattoo

You could argue this is just a hyperfixation but I bet it's been going on for a while

He also has "spikey" skills. Really good at stuff like drawing, dancing, sports, but he sucks at things like reading, math, etc

Mostly what makes me see him as autistic it's how he struggles in social situations. Bro doesn't know how to flirt unless he's got a bucket of chicken on hand

Soldier:

Honestly if anyone's autistic coded it's soldier

Special interest is all things American, especially if it relates to the military

Lots of autistic people wear certain items that remind them of something they like, usually disregarding things like how it looks or even whether or not it's comfortable. Soldier's helmet is way too big for him but he's almost always wearing it anyway

In meet the spy he does "hut hut hut" when he's doing down the stairs and it makes me so happy

He has no filter, he takes things really literally, he often sees suggestions as orders (teleporting bread anyone?)

Also when he says he's been doing nothing but teleport bread for 3 days it makes me think he must've been hyperfocused on that

I don't think he knows anything about volume control since he's yelling everything

What kind of neurotypical fights bears in Siberia while naked and covered in honey

He speaks his mind rather than beating around the bush

His helmet could also double as helping him avoid eye contact

Pyro:

Tell me they don't have aversion to like every texture besides their suit you can't

A lot of their animations are super stimmy

Pretty much nonspeaking

Has childish interests

Could also have schizophrenia? (I'm relatively uninformed about it tho so I might not be a good person to judge)

I bet half of their little mmph mmmph noises are audio stims

Special interest is fire

their stim is ARSON

Demo:

I headcanon him as AuDHD too

I mean tbf a lot of how he is is more related to alcoholism but shhh let me have this

But I mean he made friends with Soldier

Special interest in medieval weapons which would explain why he's crazy about swords?

Drinking could be an unhealthy coping mechanism/safe food

Probably also depressed with how he can never live up to his family's expectations

Infodumping about bombs in his introduction video

Honestly most of my "evidence" for him is just fanon but idc I like autistic Demoman

Heavy:

Whether or not him having a PhD in Russian literature is canon, some of his in game lines show him to be very poetic and thoughtful

The fact that he only has a few food items but always seems super happy to be eating them gives me safe food vibes

He sings and hums a lot, probably as a stim

He has the Resting Autism Face™

Special interest in his gun

A lot of his voice lines also just feel really stimmy to me, especially when he's doing the "YATATATATATA" thing

Not sure he has any volume control either

Seems to genuinely enjoy Medic's morbid stories, at least to a point

He really really really really really likes the song of the Volga boatmen in particular

He's the prettiest princess it's canon, you can't be a pretty princess without being autistic /j

He has a tiny bed for Sasha. HE HAS A TINY BED FOR SASHA

Heavy is often criticized as a class because guess gameplay is relatively simple and can become a little stale for a lot of people. Yet Heavy seems to have some of the most excited voice lines in the game. I feel like this emphasizes how much he thrives in routine, since he seemingly never gets bored of just doing his thing

Engie:

He has 11 phds

A lot of his voice lines also sound really stimmy to me. Either he's going YEEHAWW GIDDY UP or he's yelling DAMNIT DAGNABIT DANGIT DAGGIT NABBIT

Probably a lot of echolalia with that too

He humanizes his buildings and cares for them like a mother bird

Just listen to his genuinely heartbroken when his sentry gets taken down!

When playing Engie sometimes I find myself smacking stuff with my wrench even though I KNOW it's already level 3 and maxed and whatnot, or I KNOW I'm out of metal, just because I wanna hear the clang noise. So this point is just me projecting but I love the mental image of Engie giving his things a few extra whacks too

He sawed off his arm for his special interest

His whole monologue in meet the engineer is so autistic sounding to me

His dancing taunt also feels stimmy

He's always hunched over, implying irregular posture

He's a NERD—

Man of many talents including playing the guitar

Never takes those goggles off

How does he turn a stressful TF2 match into a (not so) relaxing tower defense game?

Medic:

I headcanon him as AuDHD too because he seems really scatterbrained and it feels like he's working on several things at once and always

He talks a LOT. definitely an infodumper

Either he's super stern or really giggly, there is no in between

He wears gloves in battle but not while doing surgery??? Does he just like organ textures??? Wacko

Special interest is obviously whatever the heck kinda of mad science he does

Here's a heavy medic headcanon I have: medic likes deep pressure hugs

Another special interest could be his birds

He's very spontaneous which makes me think AuDHD even more

Look how excited he gets when taking about the tumors in expiration date!

He got the organ stealing autism

Is it just me or does he fixate on baboon organs in particular???

Sniper:

I'm pretty sure all of you know why this man is autistic but I'm going to list some reasons here anyway

My main evidence tho are his Halloween voice lines: https://youtu.be/2WDljNAslys?si=JP25VOGGDWwwoCI7

Exhibit a, look how much he enjoys having an owl head

Exhibit b, lots of those voice lines make him sound really freakin' overstimulated

He probably wears the hat and shades for sensory reasons as well as because they look cool

Obviously the most socially reclusive of the mercs

I love his backstory where he learns he never felt like the other kids because he wasn't actually Australian, but what if he also didn't fit in with the other kids because he's autistic?

Also throwing rocks at people as a kid screams autism to me

No neurotypical would ever throw jars of his own piss at you either

I think he just wants to live in the woods somewhere and never come back to society and honestly that's based

I feel like he would be the type to bite his own arm when stressed (just like me fr 😭)

Extremely meticulous in following his own life rules (ie being professional and having standards, driving safely with the turn signal and everything)

Spy:

Ok just hear me out for this one

Smoking because stim reasons

He's literally and figuratively masking

He's very suave and probably really good with social things, but I feel like it looks like he's just practiced really hard, again MASKING

Who knows he might not even actually be French

Who collects photographic evidence for a ur mom joke

I see him as either being hypersensitive or hyper insensitive to pain depending on the day (his screams + "I do believe I'm on fire.")

Mad butterfly knife tricks as a stim? (Notice he couldn't help but fiddle with them even disguised as scout in meet the spy)

He sucks at dealing with relationships and that's one of the reasons he's a bad dad

He actually really cares about his team and you can see it especially in expiration date but he's not very good at expressing it

Do you think he wears the ski mask for sensory reasons too?

Probably has his suits tailored to not give him any sensory issues, which could be another reason he likes them so much

Believe me I could go on but I think this is enough to get my point across

THEY ARE ALL AUTISTIC >:00

[shoukiko]

hi you know what’s cool? tf2. do you have any equally cool headcanons about any of the characters you want to share?

OH YOU BET I DO!!!!!! Lemme just

*Spits in hands and rubs them together* Lemme just..

My TF2 Headcanons!

I'm just gonna write them down as they pop in my head :3

Scout is really bad at reading, also has really bad hand writing.

Borderline chicken scratch, disgusting!!!

Pyro actually understands what they're doing, they just reallllyyyy don't care and don't see what's wrong with it.

My unhinged pookie bear.

Medic would love to look at your insides.

He's not shy about it either tbh, fuckin weirdo

Heavy is the biggest softie when it comes to romance.

He melts at physical touch

but like

the good kind

Heavy also really likes to read in his free time, it's what makes him so smart and knowledgable on things.

Soldier would pick random flowers he finds outside just to give them to you.

He also doesn't really know how to put his feelings into words so he just ends up yelling things like "I LOVE YOU" or "YOU ARE NICE TO LOOK AT TODAY"

Spy is the type to give you handwritten notes on holidays with a nice wine.

He has cursive handwriting, very very elegant.

Soldier would give handwritten notes too, but...they aren't that elegant

"I think you aren't annoying to be around"

Engineer would play his guitar for you, like alone. You can be in your room and he would sit on your bed and play for you, maybe even sing.

He's a really good singer. Like almost Luke Bryan level

Yes I like Luke Bryan

Engy would be that one dude who asks you to hold the light while he works, then get mad at you when you're doing it wrong.

Demoman has dreads, I do not make the rules.

He's also a jewelry man when he's ot working

He wears rings and necklaces. Very pretty hands tbh

I also like to think he's very stylish when he's not wearing the uniform.

He's not always an asshole either, it's just the alcohol, he can be poliite if needed, but then he wishes he had something to drink.

Snipers RV smells, it just has to.

One day you get so tired of it that you clean it yourself because he keeps forgetting.

He realizes how much better it is, forgets how longs it's been and is really grateful

You'd teach him how to at least keep up after himself and he actually gets better at it.

He still pisses in jars tho...

Spy looooves shoulder rubs, he'd fall asleep if you did it to him.

Bro is pretty fit under that suit, like you'd be surprised by his physique.

I will stop here! If you guys want more please let me know! I have to get to my other asks so I must finish.

[milksnake-tea]

✩ CHAPTER SUMMARY : Despite what you tell Sunday, you can't sleep. Instead, you opt to join Sam at the top of the ship for some company.

✩ SERIES SYNOPSIS : Following the catastrophe of the Charmony Festival, rather than in one of Penacony's hospitals or prisons, Sunday awakens right in the base of one of the most notorious criminals in the galaxies. With nowhere else to go, he's left to follow you, the Stellaron Hunters' medic, in his attempts to become accustomed to his new life.

✩ WORD COUNT : 4.0k

✩ TAGLIST : @felibrary, @vxnuslogy, @https-mika, @greyrain23, @red-ninja15, @arienic , @immahuman , @sund4ykisser , @mysteriaqueen , @kiopanxp , @isa-l0v3r , @hesper-houkai-kat , @gamekillera , @nayukiyukihira , @randomidk-123 , @universetrash , @forevernyeong , @thedepartedcryptid , @heyhazelnut101 , @1000-leaves , @lowkeyren , @zhayur , @jellofishuu , @kascar-chronicle , @azaleaflowerr , @neigee , @fallintothechasm , @veritusratio , @astolary , @xphantasmagoriax , @semi-orangeapple , @ezra1yn , @xynthevoid , @apinu , @crysangria , @shenwi , @louchive , @mave-in , @mutiachan , @meerpea , @tetrxctys , @emiken-070907 , @tragedy-of-commons (send me an ask off anon if you want to be added !! if your name is bolded, it means i cant tag you )

✩ ADDITIONAL NOTES : LORD i don't know why this took so long actually … my bad guys 😭😭 luckily i grabbed back motivation tho !! so hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner (or not. college is starting in like a week). honestly tho, im not that happy with this chapter :(( but thank you for reading, and for sticking w me !! eating every one of u up

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“Watching the stars again, I see.”

The mechanized suit towers over you. In the darkness of the endless night sky, Sam’s flames, a duet of orange and teal, are all the more brighter. If you weren’t one of his comrades, you would’ve found him threatening.

Sam turns his head. Your footsteps are near-silent as you come up besides him, your arms crossed leisurely with a glass held carelessly in your hand.

“I thought you’d be asleep by now.” Such a stark contrast from the sweet voice of his pilot, but your years spent alongside him have turned intimidation into consolation. “Are you drinking again?”

“Not alcohol this time,” you chuckle, waving the glass. “Thought I’d try out some of that SoulGlad you bought me. It is a luxury item, after all.”

“Is it good?”

“It’s alright. I still prefer wine.”

Shaking his head, Sam returns his gaze to the cosmos. The topmost floor of the Delphi is like that of a greenhouse, minus the planets. A glass dome covers it from head to toe, allowing for a breathtaking view of the universe. The ship itself moves languidly so that the various nebulae pass in multi-colored clouds.

“It’s better in the dream,” Sam says. You look up curiously.

“So I’ve heard. ‘As rich and sweet as divine nectar’, was it?”

“Yes.” Sam’s robotic voice turns wistful. “Even though I was already in a dream, with just a sip of that, I felt as though I was floating. It was truly… a sweet dream.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad.”

The glass is cold against your lips as you drink the last of the soda. True to its advertisements, the carbonation leaves you feeling giddy and joyful… but it’s not enough. It’s too gentle, too kind, too… pliant. After all, knowing that you are asleep and dreaming- ruins the dream itself.

A sigh leaves you. Light gently shines down on you from the kaleidoscope of distant stars. Soft piano music plays in the background, courtesy of Kafka.

“I looked at the dream bubble earlier.”

Sam hums, his flames glowing brighter momentarily.

“Did you… like it?” he asks hesitantly. His meekness was kind of cute, like a puppy. It was one of the things that you like about him, though.

You spy a faraway planet in the sky. From here, it looks like a small speck amongst the vast universe. But to someone else, it might’ve been their whole world.

“Where did you find such a dream?” you say instead. “It couldn’t have been easy.”

It should’ve been impossible.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Sam admits. “Dr. Edward - he’s the person who runs the Dreamscape Sales Store - didn’t specify. Then again, the nature of his products is… peculiar, to say the least.”

“Hm.” Your eyes become lidded. “That’s unfortunate. I would’ve liked to know who had made such a wonderful dream.”

Sam glances at you hopefully. “You liked it, then?”

You hum idly. “Yes, it was… nice. Not totally accurate, but nice.”

You don’t have to see Firefly’s face to know that she’s smiling. “I’m glad. I was worried that, well…”

“That I’d get offended?” you chuckle. “Sparky, you know me better than that. Besides…”

Your arms uncross, and the glass disappears into multiple speckles of light.

“All that matters is that someone remembers it. As the years pass, accuracy holds less and less value.”

“I… I guess that’s true,” Sam admits. “Still, though...”

There’s a contrast in temperature as your hand comes to Sam’s shoulder, warm flames battling against cold metal.

“Don’t worry about it,” you comfort. Your lips are pulled into a smile, but you don’t know what expression lies in your eyes - nor are you sure you want to know. “I enjoyed that dream.”

Firefly doesn’t seem to be entirely convinced, but she doesn’t need to know what happened when you touched that bubble. She doesn’t need to know, and so she never will.

“How's our little superstar?” you ask, changing the subject. Sam hums.

“Still as fiery as ever,” he reminisces, head tilting upwards towards the sky. “They don’t remember us, which is to be expected. But their heart and antics are still the same. They’ve recently developed a… peculiar hobby, though.”

“Oh?” You raise a brow curiously. “And what’s that?”

“Trashcans,” he says flatly. The sudden change from gentle fondness makes you laugh.

“That sounds about right,” you chuckle. “They’ve always been a little weird.”

“I guess so,” Sam shrugs. “Then again, we all are, aren’t we?”

“Hm… maybe more than a little.”

“Hey now.”

The two of you burst into uncharacteristic giggles. With the effects of SoulGlad still ebbing away at your rationality combined with your lack of sleep, it wouldn’t be off to say that you’re somewhat delirious right now. Of course, it can’t compare to the numb bliss that came with alcohol, but it was still something.

Weariness beginning to take its toll on you, you lean against Sam, ignoring how some of the metal digs into your body. He looks down at you curiously, before patting you lightly on the head.

“You should sleep,” he advises gently. You hum, before shaking your head.

“Don’t feel like it.”

Hearing another distorted sigh, you laugh airily, only to let out a small yelp when Sam scoops you up. The mechanized suit is already huge, being at least twice your size, and so he only needs one of his arms to hold your entire body. He cradles you against his core, allowing the heat to warm you. It’s a sweet gesture, but truthfully, it’s unneeded - the Delphi is always at the perfect temperature, after all. But you appreciate the sentiment nevertheless.

“Sleep,” Sam urges once more. You look up at the metallic face that shows little emotion, if any.

“Why so insistent?”  you question, raising a brow.

“Is it so wrong to care for a comrade?” Sam shakes his head. “You aren’t as resilient as you think you are. Even you will fall if you fail to get adequate rest.”

“So you say.”

“Don’t you have a mission soon? Staying up too late isn’t a good idea.”

You snort. “Then that makes two of us with bad habits, Miss Defies-the-Script-at-Whenever-Possible.”

Sam falls quiet for a moment. Initially, you’d think that it was out of guilt or because Blade had already scolded him about his habit a few weeks prior to Sam’s assignment in Penacony, but after staring at him for a bit longer, you realize that that’s not the case.

You shift so that you can sit somewhat upright in Sam’s hold. “Hey, lighten up. I was just joking.”

“I know.” Sam sighs again. “I was just thinking about Penacony.”

“What about it?”

“It isn’t anything bad,” he hastens to say. “It’s just… I felt so alive in that dream. I could jump and run and- do all sorts of things that I couldn’t in reality. It got me thinking.”

Uh oh. Not another philosophical talk. You’re not good at those.

Despite this though, you nod, encouraging him to continue.

Sam raises the hand that isn’t holding you and curls it into a fist. “I know I will die one day. That’s just a part of life that I can’t avoid, nor can anyone else. But if life itself, and everything else that comes with it, is already determined by fate, do we really have free will? Is my freedom of choice real, or simply an illusion?”

At his imploring gaze, you shrug.

“Well, think about it. Do you think Elio’s script is absolute?”

“Of course it is.”

You lightly poke where Sam’s nose should be. “Not exactly. It has holes and spaces. You know what Webs always says.”

“Yes, but…”

“Think of it this way,” you suggest lightly. “Elio gets his script from Terminus, and Terminus only knows the future because THEY’RE from said future. Meaning, they come from a future that we created, not them.”

Sam stays silent, so you continue.

“If we don’t have free will, then who holds that will? Terminus? HooH? Ena? We don’t know, and we may never know. But does it matter?”

Sam’s flames pulsate from under your palm as you place it over his chest plate. Your eyes have become downcast, hiding what may be brewing beneath your irises.

“In the end, we still choose in the end. Like right now - you’re holding me, but you could’ve also incinerated me.”

Sam deadpans. “That’s a horrible example. I am not so careless.”

“Yes,” you say, “because that’s the kind of person you are. You made that choice not to cook me alive, not Terminus or any other omnipotent being that cares so much that they feel the need to control the movements of insects like you and me.”

Your tone comes out a bit harsher than you intend, and it’s not until the words leave your mouth that you realize. Blinking rapidly, you still, your brain catching up with your mouth in real time. Sam too seems startled by your outburst, the flames flickering.

“Is everything alright?” he asks after a brief moment of silence.

You sigh, leaning back against his shoulder. Burying your face in your hands, you let out a tired groan.

“Sorry about that,” you mutter. “I think the lack of sleep is getting to me.”

“It’s fine. May I ask what happened, though?”

No, you may not, you think, but shove it to the back of your mind.

“It’s just-” you drop your hand to your side, “-it’s the usual.”

“This is why I keep telling you to calm down with the drinking,” Sam scolds gently. You grumble, leaning into him.

“You’re so insistent,” you mumble against the cold steel. “Kafka and Blade have already given up; why haven’t you?”

“Blade only stopped because he shares that same stubbornness you cling onto,” Sam points out, flicking your forehead with as much gentleness a mechanized suit can. “And Kafka wouldn’t know real concern if it shot her in the face.”

You give Sam a look, the red spot on your forehead already healing. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

Sam sighs again - there’s been a lot of that as of late. “I don’t want to see my friend destroy themself. The longer you drink, the longer it takes for you to heal.”

“My healing capabilities exceed Blade’s,” you couldn’t help but point out. “You’ve worked with me long enough to know that I won’t keel over so easily.”

Sam shakes his head.

“You know what I mean,” he says. “When it comes to the mind, you’re the weakest out of all of us - and you will only grow worse if you continue down this path.”

You blink. It’s easy to forget, with Firefly’s typically softer demeanor, the bluntness that comes whenever she takes on SAM’s suit. Granted, you’ve been working with her the longest out of everyone, so you really should be used to this by now. Maybe it’s the SoulGlad hitting.

“Fine,” you eventually give in. “I’ll sleep.”

Without hearing what Sam has to say next, you curl up in his hold and shut your eyes, ending the conversation right then there. Should you go to your room instead of inconveniencing your coworker? Probably. That’s the logical thing to do.

But Sam made the decision to pick you up, and you don’t feel like leaving any time soon. Besides, you know Firefly can get rather lonely during the night. As the only Hunter that doesn’t need that much sleep, she often spends the night by her lonesome, watching the stars from the Delphi’s roof and waiting for everyone to wake up.

“You know, I was going to ask you to play Egyptian War with me,” you murmur groggily. Sam hums.

“That card game again? The last time we played, I crushed your hand by accident.”

“I got better, though?” you point out.

“Still, I’d rather avoid that if possible. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”

There’s a pointed edge to his tone that you decide to ignore. With a shrug of your shoulders, you snuggle closer to Sam’s heated center. When he wasn’t committing mass arson or flaming up barbeque, he made for a surprisingly good pillow - as long as you didn’t mind the lack of cushioning for your head.

“Alright,” you hum. “Goodnight, Sam.”

Sam sighs, but shifts you in his hold so that you’re more comfortable regardless.

“Goodnight, [Name].”

As you slip in and out of consciousness, you think one last thought to yourself.

How nice it would be, to not have to dream.

Firefly… you don’t know how lucky you are.

—

Sunday finds himself unable to sleep much that night, and before he knows it, morning has come and the familiar chime of his phone’s alarm is rousing him from his bed. Even if he wanted to ignore it, he couldn’t. Just the sound is enough to send alarm bells through his nerves, essentially activating his fight-or-flight instincts.

As he drags himself through his morning routine, functioning on muscle memory more than anything, the same words that have been keeping him up last night drone on like a broken record.

I trust that you will make the right decision.

Why is the seer leaving it up to him? Does Elio not see all the possible futures? Is he not certain of what choice will be the right one? Why was he letting Sunday guess?

With a brief twitch of his wings, Sunday sighs.

“It seems that once again, the fate of an innocent world is in my hands.”

He shouldn’t be questioning Elio, truth be told. If this is all the information that the seer has elected to give him, then this is all the information he needs to know. Whatever decision he makes will be the right one, evidently.

Which, quite frankly, is both reassuring and terrifying.

There is always the possibility of accidentally damning the planet if he chooses wrongly. Mistrust or misread a candidate’s character, and the lives of billions of people will be turned significantly for the worse.

But Sunday isn’t that naive little priest anymore. He knows humanity for what they are, has seen their ugliness, and has embraced them regardless.

Elio trusts him, and he doesn’t plan on disappointing him.

And if he is to do that, he needs to get better at fighting.

With a twirl of his wrist, his rapier materializes in his hand. Once upon a time, he’d detested the feeling of weaponry in his hands. He’d vowed to never be the source of someone else’s suffering, and yet, he is, tossing and swinging his sword without so much as a care in the world.

Besides, that vow had been a foolish one. One simply could not live in a universe as cruel as this without harming another, intentionally or not. Even the most righteous have spilled blood.

And Sunday is no exception.

He studies the rapier carefully, making sure not to accidentally cut himself in the process (it has happened before). Even now, he can’t help but think of how uncanny it is, the way the sword is practically tailored to fit him and his aesthetic.

There was always the possibility that Blade could’ve forged it for him, except for one glaring problem: he’s learned from Kafka that Blade has long lost the dexterity of his hands, revoking his ability to craft forever. So then, to have such a sword pre-made and ready for him…

He smiles cynically.

Elio had already known he’d join, didn’t he?

That seer’s abilities never failed to unnerve and impress him.

He releases the rapier, and it shatters into multiple pinpricks of light. In the full body length mirror he’d bought on Euphrosyne, he rechecks his outfit, smoothing out any wrinkles and adjusting anything that’s out of place.

When he eventually steps out of his room, he’s greeted with an unexpected sight. Firefly - no, this was Sam, the Hunters have made sure to drill the difference into his head - freezes as Sunday stares at him dumbfoundedly.

“Ah-” Sunday watches in confused amusement as Sam sputters and scrambles for an explanation. The mechanized suit quickly straightens with an embarrassed cough. “Sorry. Just- pretend you didn’t see this.”

“Now, I couldn’t possibly do that,” Sunday chuckles, closing his door behind him. “What’s going on here?”

Sam sighs. “It’s well- it’s complicated…”

He shifts so that Sunday can see the being cradled in his arm - case in point, you. You appear to be asleep, cuddled up to Sam’s heated core, but once Sunday sees you, you peek your eyes open.

You shift, stretching a bit before nodding at him. “Oh, hey.”

“Hello, [Name].” Sunday returns the greeting as if this were a common reoccurrence. “What are you doing up there?”

“I was sleeping,” you say, propping up an elbow on Sam’s shoulder and leaning your cheek against your hand. “Now I’m in the middle of waking up.”

“On Sam?”

“Yeah? Everyone’s done it before.” You sit up, swinging your legs to dangle off of the crook in Sam’s elbow. “You should try it, he’s like a miniature fireplace.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Sunday would sooner die than let Sam pick him up and carry him around like that. Then he blinks, processing what you’ve just said. “Wait, did you say everyone? Does that include Blade?”

“It wasn’t willingly, if that eases your mind,” you laugh airily. “He was sleep-deprived and it was one of the rougher missions, so he ended up passing out. I don’t think I’ve seen that guy sleep so soundly.”

“And you are fine with this?” Sunday looks up at Sam.

“I don’t mind,” comes Sam’s reply. “Everyone looks so happy, and so I’m happy. The company isn’t so bad either, even though they’re often unconscious.”

“Love you too, Sam,” you chuckle. “Even if you watch me while I sleep.”

Sam makes a sound like a short-circuiting computer. “I do not-”

You pat the suit deftly on the head. "I'm just messing with you, Sparky. Don't go combusting on me now."

Swiftly jumping off of Sam’s arm, you stretch leisurely, not unlike a cat. Sunday can’t help but wonder, weren’t you supposed to be sleeping in your room last night, given your texts? What were you doing with Sam, and why did he have to carry you back to your room?

He doesn’t get to ask, though, as you beat him to the interrogation first.

“So, princess, where’re you headed to this early in the morning?”

“Ah,” Sunday straightens. His hand instinctively bends to behind his back. “I’m planning on doing some training with Blade, if possible. I’m afraid I’m still rusty when it comes to the sword.”

“Oh, good idea.” You nod approvingly. “Although, there’s one problem: the old man isn’t on the ship right now.”

Sunday blinks. “Sorry?”

“Silver Wolf kidnapped him,” says Sam bluntly, you shaking your head grimly beside him. “She found a new Xianzhou game and dragged Blade along so that he could help her out with some of the translations.”

“Translations?” Sunday repeats, trying to imagine the intimidating Hunter being dragged around by a girl as small and unassuming (given you don’t know who she is) as Silver Wolf. “But doesn’t she have a translating app on her devices?”

Sam sighs. “She does. But she wanted to bring Blade, and since he wasn’t doing anything beforehand, he played along.”

“So that’s why the old man’s kind of unavailable right now. As far as I know,” you say, “it’s just us three on the ship right now - Kafka left to do… something. I don’t know. You want to try sparring Sam?”

Sunday takes one good look at the hulking piece of flaming metal that is Sam. “I don’t think that’s wise.”

“It isn’t,” Sam confirms unnecessarily. “I would accidentally crush you or burn you in the heat of combat. Elio would not be pleased.”

“Could he really be mad if he already foresaw it?” Sunday isn’t sure how he feels about how casually you’re discussing his potential demise at Sam’s hands.

“How about we not let it get to that point?” he tries gently.

“Why don’t you spar him?” Sam suggests, tilting his head so that he looms over you. “You’re fine enough with a sword.”

Subconsciously, Sunday’s wings perk up. Glancing at you, he’s pleasantly surprised to see as you contemplating the suggestion.

“That’s true,” you admit. You nudge him with your elbow. “How about it then, princess? Wanna fight me?”

“We aren’t ‘fighting’,” sighs Sunday with a shake of his head. “It’s just sparring. But yes, I would be honored to spar against you.”

To be honest, he’s rather relieved that it’s you instead of anyone else on the ship. By no means is he saying that Blade is a bad teacher (as crass as his methods are, Sunday can’t deny that they work), but his fighting style is completely different from Sunday’s. Sunday prefers a lighter and more elegant approach to combat, while Blade’s style is, for lack of a better word, brutal - and from what little he knows of Sam, he doubts that his style is any more compatible.

But with what he saw from you yesterday, with your thinner sword and more relaxed body language, you won’t be as harsh nor as crushing as the other two - or at least, it’s less likely that you’ll throw him into the nearest wall.

You grin, flashing your teeth briefly. “Great. I still need to get washed up, so why don’t you head over there first and warm yourself up?”

Sunday nods with a slight bow. “Very well, I shall see you there.”

But just as he turns his heel and begins to make his way to the training room, his wings twitch as he catches snippets of your final conversation with Sam.

“Thanks for indulging me last night, Sparky,” you chuckle lightly. “And… sorry for making you deal with all of that.”

All of that? Sunday knows he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he can’t help it. It takes almost all of him not to glance back at you in curiosity.

No, he shakes his head, it’s none of his business. Whatever it is, it’s your private matter and he needn’t stick his nose into it.

Still… his bad habits get the better of him. Internally, he sighs as his wing raises just slightly to allow him to hear better.

“Don’t worry about it,” he hears Sam reply. “Are you feeling better?”

“Obviously. I think a nap on SAM could fix anything, really. You might even put me out of a job with how well it works.”

There’s a noise like a starting engine - Sunday thinks it’s Sam laughing. “I doubt that. Although, if you’re really sorry, you’ll lay off of the alcohol for me.”

“Yeah, no. Any other favor but that one.”

“[Name].”

Sunday imagines you raising your hand in surrender. “Alright, alright. I will try to not drink as much. Is that better?”

If Sam had said anything in response to that, Sunday didn’t hear it, for he’s already stepped out of the residency hall and into a much larger area of the ship. As the tinted glass doors slide close behind him, he finally allows himself a glance behind him.

What was that all about?

—

Once you hear the sound of the doors closing, you turn to Sam. Sam turns to you.

“He eavesdropped, didn’t he.”

“100%.” You shake your head. “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone take so long to walk down a hall. Plus, his wings gave it away.”

“He needs to work on his stealth skills,” Sam agrees.

“Well, to be fair, there’s not many places to hide in here. So I guess I can forgive him.” You look up at the robot. “I meant what I said, though.”

Walking to your door, you giggle as one of your plants nips lightly at your finger despite having been fed yesterday. You glance behind you. Sam’s already looking into the distance, at what, you’re not sure.

“Are you planning on taking a vacation?” you ask. Sam looks at you.

“Yes. There’s a tropical planet in the nearby system,” he says. “I think I’ll go have a visit.”

You nod with a smile. “Alright, have fun. Take pictures, okay?”

“I will. Good luck on your mission.”

With a snort, you push open your door, vines brushing against you as your plants greet you.

“With Kafka and Sunday on board? Yeah, I'll need it.”

<< previous || series masterlist || next chapter >>

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[sktls-ig]

The mercs get asked on a date/go on a date what they doin

Scout

He brags. Constantly "ayo spy did you here how dat pretty person asked me out?"

The others ask if it's a guy and if it is he gets all defensive like "whatda hael I aint gay!" *I kissed a guy and I liked iit*

But nah he'd be super happy all day trying to find what outfit he'd wear or whether he should ask spy for help

Spy

Honestly

Doesn't get to giddy about it, he's used to it..he's French yknow

But he still looks his best constantly

Gets prepared to leave the next day if things get "intimate"

If its someone he likes tho he'll make it his mission to make sure this person has everything to make them happy

Will buy should of Vincent van go if it's someone he likes

Sniper

Red mess. (Or blu depending on team lmao. Jk he's red)

Like put a side by side comparison of a tomato and him. Won't be able to tell the difference

Tries to worm out a sentence

"When you, you, you, when you, when, when, you, whem"

He accepts but ends up always thinkin bout how he would kill you

Hes bi boo

He cries when he sees pretty women or men

Soldier

Will most likely accept for a flower. Or a new thing to wear on his head

Honey included

Naked fighting included now exclusively with honey

He comes in an army outfit and ends up naked chasing birds in the parking lot of a gay bar. With his date

The dumb one on a date

"What would you like to order sir?"

"Are you talking to me or her?!"

"...sir i was talking to you, what do you want"

"...a racoon!"

Alot of screaming

Probably American themed date

Yells. But in a childish four years old way

Medic

Again. Red. But only when alone

He doesnt make it obvious he like you back, but he let's you pet his birds

So its pretty obvious he does like you

Archimedes doesn't though

Medic will try to look nice but comes to the date covered in blood. So he and his date get kicked out..

The manager mysteriously disappeared the next day

Will harvest dates body parts while asleep

Gay. With a lil straight

He prefers men but will go with a woman.

Will use said woman's breasts to feed his birds

Engineer

Again. Red. Hide it either with the lil hand thing where you cover half your face with one hand and turn (usually it's followed up with "stawp eet") or just his hard hat

Will teach how to build at some point

Super happy and goes in a suit

...outback steakhouse date (the restaurant Gordon. The restaurant 😔)

Fancy man

He is sweet and is the kinda dude to put his jacket over a puddle for you

Will tear pervs to shreds

Pyro

Will reply with arson

You know how joker spreads oil in the shape of his face before burning down arkum in the Lego game

Yeah like that bit with yes or no

In the person's house

Starting forest fires with bea ❤

Having a ball

Just comes in his usual arson suit

Chases butterflies. Wich without the mask are mosquito's. They are biting him

Hasn't learnt about birds and the bees yet

Babey

Hard to see if he's actually enjoying the date or wants to set the federal government on fire

Demoman

Cries drunkenly when asked

Will most probably completely forget about the date and remember halfway through

"Oh shit yeah this is a date"

Once he realises his gentleman mode kicks in

Though he's very drunk

And emotional

Ots painful for the person who asked

He's trying leave him alone

Heavy

He's really happy abt it bc not alot of people aren't scared of him

He might accept but he might give thm a hug and a nice decline

He doesnt try, he looks good enough honestly

He pays. For food. At a fancy diner

He gives compliments constantly

He's usually only there to see the person smile

[novamirmirsblog]

K.I.S.S.I.N.G

Word count: 1232

Genre: floofy fluff

Request: No ;3

Warnings: None that I can think of? Lemme know if there is tho :)

Based on this quote even though it has so little to do with the actual story XD - “I know I signed up for this and all, but… if I die, it’s still your fault and I will not hold back on blaming you.”

You were well and truly trapped. The mission had gone south, one bad call after another had led you to where you were presently. It was supposed to be a simple mission, in and out. It's why SHIELD had decided to send only you, Natasha, and Wanda - leaving a lower-level agent in charge of the plane. It was a test run for you as you were the newest on the team and a refresher for Wanda, making sure her team skills were up to scratch with Natasha there as a glorified babysitter. The building was supposed to be mostly abandoned, a few HYDRA goons here and there to get target practice in but that was it.

Of course SHIELD had to have sent you in with bad information. This was your time to shine, to perform to the best of your abilities so a certain spy might notice you. Considering you were surrounded by some of the best in the business and a literal mindreader, you were quite proud that your little crush had gone unnoticed. Sure, you couldn't string more than two sentences together when Natasha spoke to you directly but she hopefully just thought you were a social recluse.

"Damn it. Did they not know they don't literally have to be a damned hydra. It's okay for one head to be chopped off and another not grow back." You spoke into your earpiece as you slit another hydra throat.

Chuckles rang back into your ear and for a second you forgot how to breathe. Natasha's gruff bark of laughter was the prettiest thing you'd ever heard.

Oh man. You had it bad.

You had it so bad that you briefly forgot you were behind enemy lines. That was, at least, until a bullet whizzed past your ear. That snapped you out of your daze pretty quickly. Not fast enough for you to dodge the bullet coming straight for your shoulder though. The pain that rippled through you was hot but not as hot as the annoyance of being shot at was. You sent a single bullet straight through the head of the goon who shot you first.

"Guys I've got some good news and some bad news."

"If you've got bullet holes in that new suit, Tony is literally going to kill you." Wanda spoke, her accent softening the words.

"Well, I guess I better start telling you what kind of flower arrangements I'd like for my funeral." You joked as you slowly made it to the extraction point.

"Don't die agent y/l/n"

"Damn. So formal. Lighten up Natty, I won't make you do a speech if you don't want to. I will, however, make sure Wanda mentions that in my final hours, you were so very cold and distant." Apparently being shot at gave you the confidence boost you very much needed in order to actually speak to Natasha.

"Hang on, I remember you literally stabbed Clint's hand when he called you Tashie and he's known you for years."

"Well, Clint wasn't delirious with bloodloss Wanda." A few more shots went off. "Head to the extraction point you two. We got what we came for."

Once we were all on the jet, Natasha started bandaging up your wound, careful not to touch it unnecessarily.

“I know I signed up for this and all, but… if I die, it’s still your fault and I will not hold back on blaming you.”

"Wow. Thank you y/n Don't blame the guy who shot you, blame the person trying to fix you up. You know if you would just sit still..."

You suddenly noticed how close you were to Natasha's plump lips. How easy it would be to just lean in slightly and capture them. With that in mind, you subconsciously began to move forward, feeling her lean in too, until a rough patch of turbulence placed some much-needed distance between you two. You could have sworn you heard Wanda mutter damn it but it was probably just your thoughts projecting.

~~~~~

By the time you had made it back to the tower, everyone had heard the news of how Natasha allowed you to live after calling her Natty.

"...even bandaged her up" Steve's voice echoed down the hallway as you, Wanda and Natasha made your way from the mission de-briefing. Maria had wanted you to go straight to medical but you had managed to convince her that not only was the job Natasha did good enough, but that Natasha was quite possibly in the wrong line of work considering her stitching was so good.

As you walked into the main living area, F.R.I.D.A.Y. started to play that "k.i.s.s.i.n.g" song that children sing.

"You are a CHILD TONY STARK!" Natasha shouted out. "I am going to kill him in the most painful ways possible."

"Well did you? Because from the interesting texts a young witch has sent, you came pretty close. " Tony sauntered out from an unknown location, standing in the center of the room with nothing but pyjama bottoms, a housecoat and a glass of what looked like whiskey. What happened next was pretty fast. Natasha launched herself at the billionaire. Steve tried to grab her midair as the whiskey came dangerously close to spilling over the sides of the glass. Natasha slid under Steve's legs and attached herself to Tony, putting him in a chokehold.

"One more word and you won't live to see another day."

You watched this all unfold and suddenly it dawned on you that perhaps the reason an international spy hadn't noticed your crush was because she was too focused on hiding her own.

"You're right you know." Wanda spoke quietly, watching Steve try to pry Natasha off a gasping Tony. "Literally everyone but you two could see that you have feelings for each other. We have bets going on. If you kiss her now, I win." She nudged me towards them with a wink "No pressure though. Although, if you were to help me win the bet, I'd split the money. All I really want are the bragging rites. Unless... that is you want Tony to win?"

You couldn't let Tony win. Over your cold dead body. With determination in your step, you walked over to where the supersoldier was still trying to save a now purple Tony. Natasha looked at you, loosening her hold just a fraction and you leaned in and kissed her. Sure, it was one of the most awkward positions you'd kissed someone in but it was worth it. Natasha let go of Tony instantly but only to wrap her arms around your neck and waist, pulling you deeper. Wanda clapping and whooping pulled the two of you from your trance. Your cheeks were as red as Natasha's hair and even the unflappable Natasha Romanoff was slowly turning the same shade as her hair.

"God damn it y/n You couldn't have waited a week." Tony threw his hands up in exasperation, a teasing look in his eye.

"Of course not. Wands had to win."

"I don't care what this is about. Come on y/n I'm taking you on a proper date. Right after we change out of these clothes." Natasha grabbed me by the hand.

She then stopped abruptly, dropping your hand "That is, if you want to?"

You picked her hand back up, smiling at her "Of course I do."

[scalproie]

Pick a favorite TF2 merc? Or do all 9, if you're feeling it.

Oh Im gonna do all 9 lets fucking go.

Scout:

So this guy. Not to accidentaly Meet The Scout but i dont even know where to start with him. Dont let the fact that hes the youngest of the mercs distract you that he is Just Some Guy and I mean this with the most affection I can. That one post wasnt lying, he CAN be any white guy you want him to be. I think Ive met at least 5 scouts in my life. Anyway the best thing about scout is how people draw him in their respective style because this little boston man has the range, babey. 5/10. I know in my heart it should be a 4 but he gets an additional point from me because I like him and he has daddy issues.

Soldier:

Funniest character ever and also really wholesome somehow if you read the comics, has a yell as iconic at the tom one from tom and jerry. doesnt really look that bad either tbh. 7/10 He Makes Me Laugh.

Pyro:

So the suit on itself is cool af and I like how in the... tf2 timeline [citation needed] everyone else goes from "oOooOOOh the Pyro is SO scary" to "This is everyone's little sibling now". 5/10. Schrödinger's attractiveness. But dont get me wrong the Pyro is so fucking cool.

Heavy:

8/10. I love heavy. REALLY love how actually wholesome he is with his friends and family in the comics. He has the looks yeah sure but he most importantly has the SMARTS

Demoman:

Okay objectively. Demo is the handsomest of the mercs. Like you know that one scene in the mann vs machine trailer where the camera focus on his face for a second while hes preparing to aim at the oncoming robots? Yeah. Also he's scottish and that add an additional point. 9/10

Engineer:

So first you look at engineer you're like "oh this is a fun little texan guy who sounds nice in both sense of the word, he's polite and everything. How silly looking he is with that hardhat and those googles :)" and then BAM he takes THOSE off and you're like "oh this is a pretty little texan man😳 AND he's polite."

(Note that he also get a beard at one point but I cant show it because ive already reached the picture limit)

anyway 8/10, short king babey.

Medic:

It is with a heavy (heh) heart that I must say that Im immune to this man😔. I know he mightve kickstart the whole "evil scientist" business in terms of general vibes and batshit insanity but I cant get into it. He IS cool but im blaming overexposure. Still extremely fun when played off with others, but alas not for me. 6/10

Sniper:

What he lost in attractiveness he made up in relatability when I found out he was 26 (and not 28 like I thought he was). He's not pretty, he's my friend sniper :) I could play smash bros with him during a party. He wouldnt go at parties tho and I respect that. Incredible voice tho👌. 6/10, additional point because the way he's drawn in the comics gives him A Vibe.

Spy:

This mf. Listen do I think he's pretty? No I dont. But in typical spy fashion he tricked his way into being my fav because I am physically incapable to resist a good father & son drama and a solid chuck of his character resolves around that. We've all had whiplash during the sudden serious "I've always been proud of you" moment in those usually silly af comics don't lie. Expiration Date was about spy being a dad to scout for 2/3 of it. I like that he's an asshole who cares. I like his character and his role of one straight man of the team. Unfortunately, out of my trio of dilfs, this is the One Certified Deadbeat(tm). 8/10, petite pute💖

[helisol]

Wait so.. link to this quodo fic you mentioned in your tags?? I’m intrigued :DD

its only an idea but i will HAPPILY ramble about it in detail under this read more because i never finish writing fics but i do love sharing my notes.

they get Pretty Extensive considering this clocked in at 2k words. so strap in.

tl;dr: karaoke night gone wild leads to garashir and quodo setting each other up for holodeck shenanigans

so basically quark has acquired a karaoke program. everyone on ds9 is going mad about it and it's keeping the holosuites booked out for weeks

the main squad decides to try it out and they just jam to a mix of human, klingon and bajoran music. but lets be real it's mostly human music because i have a mighty need to see captain benjamin sisko tear up the dancefloor to Earth Wind & Fire’s September. so sue me.

anyway everyone has to sing, even odo, even garak and they all have a blast. the only person who is notably absent is Quark because Quark has a bar to run and Quark can't indulge in mindless fun activities when he has money to make.

Unless… Odo challenges him and he has to prove that Odo is wrong.

so yeah quark checks on the gang to see how they like this “Hooman Kara-oke” and if he can sell them some drinks and everyone is like “hey you should sing. just one song. we won't even laugh about your bad ferengi singing! we promise!"

and quark is about to say "ferengi voices arent that bad. im still not gonna sing tho."

but odo is ahead of the game and insults his grating voice and how it could only be worse in song. and because this is quark he’s like “actually fuck you. now I WILL sing.”

so he snatches the mic from whoever was about to go next and fucking Crushes It. 

while odo starts Looking Respectfully everyone else is just going "woooooo! go quark!" which makes quark just get even more into it

Takes His Jacket Off, Drops It On The Floor, Dances With The Microphone Stand. The Works. and he's also enjoying himself like "haha! suck it odo! i'm a good performer, it's how I make money!"

until he actually looks at Odo and Odo is Looking Back and then he’s like “wait what the fuck why is he looking at me” and Promptly Messes Up A Step And Falls Off The Stage-

so now quark has a twisted ankle and julian has to take him to the infirmary, which bums out quite literally Everyone and the gathering disperses, leaving only Garak and Odo.

garak as we know is but a simple tailor, but he’s Observant and his little lizard eyes did spy odo looking at quark and making the soup-version of heart eyes. we also know he is the gayest bicth on this station so of course he’s going to poke and prod at odo to see how he reacts.

garak waits until everyone is out of the room and asks odo if he can walk the dear constable home to the ol’ bucket. because odo looked a little melty during quark’s performance, y’know. it’d be bad if he turned into soup on the promenade.

odo denies this, of course, so garak is like “oh great then we can have a Chat :)”

and odo goes "wait no i hate talking” but then they’re in garaks shop and drinking kanar and garak is getting drunk off his lizard ass and talking about Julian because, again, he IS THAT BITCH!

meanwhile in the infirmary, Julian is trying to take care of quark’s ankle, but since he’s nosy and kinda Knows that quark wouldn’t just mess up his steps for no reason he asks about that.

and quark loudly goes “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS JUST FIX MY DAMN ANKLE-”

which of course turns the nosyness up to 11 and has julian going 👀

"no i mean uh- i was distracted" "distracted? by what?" "nothing" "distracted by nothing?" "FIX. MY. ANKLE."

so julian sits him down on a biobed and gets whatever medical thingie fixes ankles in the 24th century. and while he does that he offers quark some wine to loosen the tongue about what made him slip.

anyway one thing leads to another and before you know it quark and julian are wine-drunk sitting on the infirmary floor and talking about garak. which suits quark just fine because it means he doesn’t have to admit he fell because odo was looking at him like he just revealed all the secrets of the universe along with his bare arms when he took off his jacket.

so we have two sets of gay idiots getting drunk in two locations and the next morning two sets of gay idiots have hangovers. yes odo gets a hangover. being soup does not exempt him from it.

julian and odo do the right, logical thing and take some meds to go to work and be productive and garak shows up in the bar to fight fire with fire and finds quark Already Doing That. 

so they just sit next to each other, beating their hangovers with more alcohol, and they get to talking.

garak goes on about how he took odo home and pretty much only talked about julian all night and quark is like “wow what a coincidence, the doctor and i only talked about you all night.” 

and it's all downhill from there because basically quark and garak just figured out that the garashir pining is Mutual.

"wait, julian was looking at me???" "yes." "AND I WAS LOOKING AT JULIAN-" "Yes."

and then they hash out this elaborate scheme to trap julian and garak in one of the Spy holosuite programs until they make out. this is garak and quark planning. how could they NOT make an elaborate scheme involving holosuites.

anyway i promised quodo so i will keep the ‘garashir makes out in the holosuite’ section a lil more brief

so within the next two days these two gay bitches whip up a new “The Adventures Of Agent Bashir” program, but quark has ‘adjusted’ the program a little so that it only ends when the main characters kiss. fun stuff.

garak and julian go through the program, havin a blast being spies, but at the end garak’s character gets “shot”, and they are so immersed in the story that julian is Actually Concerned and garak Actually Acts like he's in pain.

they kiss, the program ends, and garak- not actually shot- goes “haha gotcha, you wanted to kiss me before i died” 

so they walk out the holosuite one hour after their time is already up with a lot of hickeys and untied bowties. hooray.

But That’s Not What We’re Here For.

after garak and julian come down from the high of getting together julian asks Just How and Why quark would agree to help with this. quark Never helps Unless he’s helping himself.

and they realised Quark Has Played Them Like Cheap Kazoos. he just wanted to take attention away from himself and the unanswered question of why he suddenly fell off the stage.

so they go "wait, if odo and quark were both lying and obscuring facts and being weird about this, doesn't that mean- ohhh"

and it boils down to them deciding to help those poor fuckers because they are apparently off even worse than they were in terms of mutual pining.

they also hash out an elaborate scheme. this time it involves odo’s never ending hard on for finding reasons to throw quark into jail.

since quark technically violated the holosuite rules by locking garak and julian in there garak goes over to odo to report the “Crime”

after some back and forth about Why In The World Garak, Friend And Tailor, would report a crime to odo that doesn’t affect anyone’s safety Odo heads to the bar to investigate the holosuites and if there really was criminal activity.

he doesn’t ask quark for permission, mostly because he’d never ask permission to snoop around in quark’s property but also because quark is actually not there at the moment. for Some Reason he’s being held up in the infirmary. Weird.

so odo is looking through the holosuite recordings of the last few days, and he runs through what garak said was the illegal activity of locking them in there and just goes "Ah, alright, i can throw him in a holding cell for that.” but then he sees a message left by garak.

it was apparently left there today so garak must have prepared this which means something is afoot. and the message just reads "the karaoke session was recorded and you might wanna check what Actually™ made quark trip :)"

to which odo reacts with "hmph. why should i care. maybe hes just messing with me and quark tripped over a cable." but Odo looks at it anyway. respectfully.

and he watches the whole performance up until the point where quark falls. Multiple Times. until he remembers that this is a criminal investigation and he finally looks at the part where he falls from quark’s perspective, which is the important one.

and he just. looks right at himself. looking at quark.

and holy shit. he looked at him like he was going to shove him against a wall, not to beat him up, but to make out with him. he straight up looked like he was going to mess him up but not with his fists.

so he stands right in front of quark and replays that moment to see quark’s reaction and analyse how he fell. and sure enough quark Saw Him and his knees gave out.

after that he really just wants to walk out and spend the next 30 hours as a houseplant to cleanse his mind of any quark-related thoughts but uh oh. when he opens the holosuite door Quark Is Right There.

and odo panics and just pulls him inside, accidentally re-initiating the spy program.

“But how did Quark happen to be there at just the right time?” i hear you ask well it was OUR MAN BASHIR

while garak was at odos place telling him to investigate quark’s wrongdoings, quark himself got called to the infirmary for a check-up on his twisted ankle.

and julian kept him there, examining his ankle over and over, until garak came in to Insinuate that Someone is snooping around in the holosuites.

so quark, yelling "NO COPS IN MY BAR", hurries over to the holosuites on his totally fine ankle and bada bing bada boom, here we are.

with two idiots stuck in a locked holosuite.

odo is like "QUARK WTF" meanwhile quark is like "ODO WTF"

"YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" "NO YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" ”well it was you who pulled me in here" "but it was you who designed it like this"

anyway to get out they have to go through the program somehow. quark and garak programmed this very carefully. unless they follow the general story, there’s no way out.

and at first quark says "listen, its okay, we just have to kiss" to which odo replies with that kinda look you’d get from someone if you told them to swallow a cactus whole, for fun.

"you heard me" "quark if this is a joke-" "its not. i made rom pull an all nighter to put in the new sensors." "you paid him for this???" "no." "right of course."

and after a very quick cheek kiss doesn’t end up doing the trick the two actually go through the program properly. except quark knows the script, cheats a little, takes shortcuts and totally doesnt impress odo by shooting a few hologram guards on the way.

so they get to the end, where they believe odo is supposed to get “shot”, but turns out they mixed up the roles and quark is the one who gets shot.

And Odo Doesn’t Know. The Safeties. Are. On.

so he tearfully goes "WAIT NO- QUARK!" and quark is like "odo...odo come closer..."

"yes, quark?"

"kiss me"

"quark please dont die i'll kiss you and we'll beam you straight to the infirmary and-" "ODO JUST KISS ME"

and then they kiss. the holosuite controls unlock and quark thinks ‘oh great, now we can leave-’ but odo doesnt stop kissing him

and he doesn’t Stop kissing him until quark actually speaks up and has to go "HEY IF THIS WERE REAL I’D BE DYING BY NOW-"

"what?" "the safeties are on. I didn’t get shot. you just had to kiss me to unlock the controls-"

and odo is like "QUARK"

and quark is like "ODO"

and then odo gets up and is very convinced that he Must Turn Into A Houseplant For A Ferengi Lifespan To Atone For His Sins.

but quark says “no, wait. can you do it again?”

"yelling at you?" "kissing me."

anyway odo finally gets to fulfill his fantasy of pushing quark against a wall and quark finally gets kissed by odo like hes dreamed of for like 15 years or however long ago it was that they were first on terok nor together during the cardassian occupation.

the end.

[mottephobia-imagines]

Ikemen Sengoku Mafia!AU (Oda Forces)

In case y’all didn’t know I also write for Otome (both Voltage and Cybird)

—

Oda Nobunaga: the leader

Absolutely a leader of a yakuza- and a good one at that too

(Assuming this takes place in modern day japan) runs one of the biggest Yakuza factions

On the outside though, he’s a very successful heir to a large, multimillion company (think Eisuke Ichinomiya from KBTBB I mean they’re practically the same person cmon)

Due to his seemingly inconspicuous ‘day job’ and charming personality making him very popular to the public eye, no one suspects him of being involved in any organized crime, so he’s able to operate very smoothly under the radar

Of course, he has spies every where- including in the government and police force so his tracks are very covered

Aims to take political power at some point and have his faction be the dominant faction (eliminating all possible rivals)

His biggest one being his enemy Kenshin Uesugi’s faction, who takes any and every opportunity they can to get under his nerves constantly lmao

Nobunaga and Kenshin have never seen each other face to face (if they did it’d be a blood bath), but still have an unspoken respect for each other as much as they hate each other lmao

The rivalry between their two families has lasted generations- now that it’s their turn, Nobunaga is determined to end it with the last laugh

Nobunaga’s still the same arrogant, cocky bastard he is, but 100x worse (as with modern technology)

Grew up with a very traditional family who were samurais in the past, so he’s had a lot of training in swordsmanship and martial arts

Always keeps a pistol in his jacket pocket and wears a bulletproof vest 90% of the time

(He’s not that good with guns tho)

On his desk there’s probably a little plateful of candies, and his fridge is also stocked with sweet things (it’s a wonder how he doesn’t have diabetes yet)

Also has a pocketful of tiny candies to last him throughout the day (much to Hideyoshi’s dismay)

Also, slicked back hair, suited up Nobunaga with a sleeve tattoo (he’d have to try really hard to keep his sleeve tattoo hidden but still just imagine)

Hideyoshi Toyotomi: the bodyguard

Hideyoshi is Nobunaga’s most trusted confidant, who also serves as his bodyguard

Wherever Nobunaga goes, Hideyoshi follows suit

More often than not the voice of reason

Always trusts his gut and is always skeptical of new members (or just people in general why won’t you trust me dammit)

He came from a poor family of farmers in the countryside, and when they couldn’t take care of him anymore they abandoned him

He was a thief for a little while, until Nobunaga’s dad took him in and raised him as his own

Hideyoshi deems this a debt he has to pay, and him helping Nobunaga and keeping him straight will repay the family’s kindness

He’s always the one to direct less major missions and cleans up the messes

Frequently in contact with Mistuhide, and he hates the guy (more like annoyed tbh)

He’s basically Nobunaga’s messenger lmao

And mother older brother figure, he frequently stops Nobunaga from rampaging over something insignificant and keeps him from being unhealthy by taking away his candies sometimes

Is better skilled with a gun, and thus carries not one, but two (those like shoulder straps for guns under his suit type of thing)

He goes undercover from time to time, although it’s not his specialty- he’s kind of a jack of all trades kinda guy

He’s really good at sussing out the spies and traitors, because he listens to his gut and it’s almost always right

Will do anything and everything to help Nobunaga succeed, even if it means killing anyone who stands in the way

Date Masamune: the affiliate

Masamune is actually the leader of another yakuza faction, but since it was so weak at the time he took the opportunity to pair up with Nobunaga

His faction deals more with drugs and weapons, smuggling them over borders and getting them out and in of the country

That being said, most of his deals take place at exclusive bars and clubs- where the richest of the rich gather

He’s a pretty laid-back guy for someone who runs a drug syndicate- he doesn’t really care how things get done as long as they get done somehow

Also pretty goofy- when people first meet him, they’d think that there was no way he was in the yakuza

Even though the sleeve tattoos and the eyepatch probably should’ve been enough for them to know

And the massive amount of jewelry, too- Masamune isn’t shy about his wealth like at all

He’s totally the type to wear those bigass rings, complete with sapphires on them just to show off a little more

He loves to piss off Nobunaga, he loves for it

Ieyasu tells him that it might get him killed (low key a worried bb) but Masamune knows Nobunaga isn’t gonna get rid of him anytime soon; due to the fact that Masamune’s faction gives a shit ton of money

Him and Ieyasu tolerate get along pretty well, although the latter may deny it

Out of all of them, he’s probably the strongest and most skilled combat-wise; he’s adept in martial arts, knives and blades, as well as having an extensive knowledge on firearms and even bombs and how to use them

Honestly, he’s with Nobunaga just for the power boost- ones his faction gets enough power, he’s gonna dip then come back and be like ‘sike u thought’

Masamune has the same aspiration as both Nobunaga and Kenshin, but knows he can’t fight them both at the same time. So why not let the two battle it out then fight the winner?

Akechi Mistuhide: the spy

Aka the rat

Mistuhide is a double agent working for Nobunaga, on his own terms

He’s a spy within the government’s police force, and nobody has caught him yet

Tells Nobunaga about any upcoming busts and when and where they’re gonna go, who they’re going to investigate and go after, basically all information on cases that may affect him

Very good at hiding his tracks- it’s almost impossible to get this guy

Also very good at swaying his coworkers and even bosses- tells them whether or not to pursue a case or person, acknowledge evidence, and even do something for him

He started out as an assassin for hire before becoming an informant for Nobunaga, which is the foundation for the distrust Hideyoshi has on him

Coupled with the fact that he’s easily a manipulative and cunning bastard, you’ve got someone who is a valuable asset but you can’t help but wonder when he’ll turn his back on you

He’s actually the son of a very rich man who had many wives and concubines; growing up, his father’s other wives would try to kill him using any tactic they could, so he developed quickly some skills that children shouldn’t have learned

He knows when food and drinks are poisoned, when someone is trying to ambush you, and when someone is lying- and this was before any formal training for an assassin

Because of his talent with blades and smaller guns, he’s the one Nobunaga sends out most of the time to kill someone and make it seem like an accident

Teams up with Masamune to annoy Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, and Ieyasu (sometimes)

He once went undercover with Hideyoshi- the teasing was unfiltered and hard. Hideyoshi kept yelling at him to please stop, we have a fuckinh mission to do and you making me flustered will not make this any less difficult.

He honestly just lives to see people annoyed/embarrassed lmao

Used to tease Ieyasu a lot before Masamune came and essentially replaced him

Mitsuhide’s reasons for joining Nobunaga’s faction still remains a mystery, and he’d like to keep it that way

Tokugawa Ieyasu: the doctor

Why is there no yellow

The underground doctor who works for Nobunaga, Ieyasu has plenty of knowledge and experience despite his young age

At first, you’d think he isn’t a doctor at all- he‘s rough, not exactly friendly, and easily irritated; which is exactly what makes him so good at his job

As an underground doctor, Ieyasu’s primary job is to salvage whatever unfortunate soul had been injured at the time- sometimes, it’d be much, much more than one person

He can’t afford to let his emotions get to him and slow him down, so he’s learned to repress his emotions and completely focus on his job instead

Also, he can’t be like a traditional doctor because he’s dealing with criminals here- and with his pretty face, not everyone’s gonna take him seriously if he offers the usual caring doctor attitude

Ieyasu grew up in a wealthy family before being kidnapped and sold in the black market as a child, abused within the system and eventually ended up in an old doctor’s hands

The old doctor would basically take him on as an apprentice and told him all his medical knowledge, urging him to follow in his footsteps before he died

When the doctor did die, Ieyasu continued his medical studies and attended several schools and universities before going off the grid completely

Years later he was found in a back alley market (think the black market from beastars) by non other than Nobunaga, who he saved from some thugs (or at least tried to)

Because of his work as a doctor, he often forgets to really take a rest and goes days without sleeping and living off spicy ramen noodles

It’s gotten so bad at one point that Masamune (who buys the noodles for him regularly) actually confiscated all of them and demanded Ieyasu be given a day off (he can’t have tease him if he’s dead!)

Speaking of Masamune, they met after the ‘eyepatch wearing idiot’ came into his clinic after a particularly grueling gun fight with the police

He’s kind of thankful for Masamune- Ieyasu would still have to deal with Mitsuhide and that guy gets on his nerves the quickest, if Masamune didn’t take his spot lmao

He has a little pet porcupine at home, and he sometimes sticks him in the chest pocket of his doctor’s coat whenever he knows he’s gonna spend days at his clinic

Don’t let his pretty looks fool you; mans learned many combat skills from Masamune including how to absolutely murder people with guns

Ishida Mitsunari: the hacker

From how sweet and kind he looks he definitely does not look like part of the Yakuza

Like, he looks like he belongs in a classroom teaching kids, not in a computer room hacking government files

Extremely skilled hacker- he can get any information from anywhere and leave no trace

Is the main source of information for Nobunaga

Mitsunari was the son of a college professor, and spent most of his time reading in the school library when his father took him to his lectures

Pretty soon he found himself loving computers and tinkering with them, eventually leading to him hacking some minor websites

Fat forward a couple of years and his curious nature doesn’t stop, leading to him discovering some secret files/tapes of Nobunaga’s faction

He left a clear enough trace that he was easily tracked down and almost killed; however, Nobunaga saw some potential in him and decided to give him a choice between dying or joining them (not much of a choice there buddy)

He joined in his late teens, so he’s never really experienced what life was like (thanks Nobunaga)

Nonetheless, he’s actually pretty terrifying when he’s angry

With his demeanor, you’d think he wouldn’t have a mean bone in his body- wrong

Being in the yakuza at a young age, he’s seen some shit and learned some shit- and he’s even tried some of them

Many people have spited him, thinking he’s a doormat

Mitsunari does not let that fly

People underestimate how much he can ruin their lives through the computer screen- financial ruin, a hard hit to reputations, etc

He rarely if ever does that though, most of the time he’d just brush it off and continue what he’s doing (unless it escalates then you’re fucked lmao Mitsudarki come thru)

Mitsunari’s really good with kids, so often times the higher ups or other members leave their kids or pets with him because even if he is booked for work, he still takes stellar care of them

Gets teased by Mitsuhide often, but doesn’t get what he’s saying most of the time

Is heavily opposed to killing- he’d much rather talk it through with someone or ruin their life rather than taking it

—

Uggghhhhh this took so long but I love these little shits so it was worth it 😤😤 they’re so pretty wth-

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

hey if ur taking requests for writing...., what abt angsty among us idea- reports a body and like.. engie attends and it turns out medic was killed? and then hes heartbroken and really sad and angry at spy for killing medic? obviously u dont have to do this but the among au had me thinking about a ton of angsty scenarios lol. have a good day!!

i'm always takin requests! it may take me a while to get there but i will try my damndest to get it done at some point!

i actually had part of this in my drafts when you originally sent this ask but it's been reason enough to finish it, i think. i hope you like it, even if it's a bit messy :>

-

Per Aspera Ad Astra

In which an imposter experiences the loss of someone he loved and wasn't supposed to.

-

As Dell heard the emergency meeting alarm blare over the intercom and red lights flashed overhead, he looked up from the mass of wires he'd agreed to rearrange for Medic, furrowing his brow.

Odd. Spy hadn't made it clear to him that he was going to attempt anything that day and he knew for a fact that he himself hadn't made any sabotages since last week.

Then again, he'd noticed that this crew in particular had no qualms against using the emergency meeting button for more trivial things. Someone probably just wanted to get everyone's attention to look at some weird space bug that hitchhiked from their last stop on Pollus a few weeks ago or something along those lines. Standard procedure at that point.

He packed up the wires he'd been holding back into their panel before making his way out of electrical and towards the cafeteria, readjusting his goggles over his eyes to make sure nobody would find him out.

When he'd arrived, he could practically physically feel the shift in attitude of the rest of the crew since that morning, mentally noting that Medic was currently the only one of them missing.

"Tex, there you are. You uh. Might want to sit down for this one, lad," Demo said gravely, all the other crewmates' mumbling amongst each other dying down instantly as Spy stood to the side of the table, having said nothing ever since he himeself had arrived.

"Uhm. Sure, ok. Shouldn't we wait for Doc first, though? If it's actually important he should probably be here," He said, a confused smile coming to his face. Demo physcially winced.

"See, that's the thing, it's. It's Doc, he's..." Demo trailed off, Sniper moving to put a hand on his shoulder.

"He's?..." Engie frowned, having to take a moment before he realized what he'd meant.

It took another moment for the dread to set in.

"No. No, that- that's impossible, I- I just saw him like 30 minutes ago. I agreed to do one of his tasks for him while he finished cleaning the medbay so we could finish up for the day," He stuttered, looking anxiously between all the other faces at the table. None of them could meet his gaze even through his goggles, Spy in particular insisting on staring out the large window that peered into the vastness of space around them instead.

...Spy.

Spy said he wouldn't touch him- said he'd let him find a way to deal with all of this effectively and without having to kill this particular crew. Especially Medic. He said- no, he promised he wouldn't.

Engie's anger soon started bubbling inside of him, tightly clenching his fists that he oh so desperately wanted to sucker punch a certain other imposter in the face with. But then came the second realization of what he'd done and he felt his arms go slack again.

Medic was dead.

"...Where is he?" He finally whispered out, somewhere between heartbroken and seething.

"Medbay. Demo, Sniper, and I called for the meeting as quick as we could and did not get the chance to move his. Corpse," Soldier said, standing up straight and visibly uneasy at the mentioning of Medic's dead body.

Engie slowly nodded.

"Ok. Did you fellas, uh. Did- did you contact Pollus yet?"

"Not yet. I was gonna after the meetin's over. 's gonna take us a while to get there tho, at least 2 weeks," Scout said.

"I see. Did you three uh. Did you see anything?" Engie asked Demo, Sniper, and Soldier, all of them shaking their heads.

"Pyro, Heavy, 'n Scout were on comms because they were finished with tasks already and all three of 'em say they didn't see anyone go into Medbay after you left."

"...what about you, Spy? Been awfully quiet the entire time. And you don't have an alibi," Scout squinted. Spy scoffed.

"I was also finished with tasks, I've been in my quarters for at least 2 hours. You can even roll back footage on the cameras."

Pyro pressed a button on their suit, the small speaker on their chest panel letting out a soft 'kshh'.

"...he does have a point. Cams don't lie."

"What if he used the vents, though?"

"You really think this pansy's gettin' in any vents?"

"...Aight, fair point."

"I do not think we have enough information to make decision," Heavy sighed, every looking to each other in a vague sense of agreement.

"Skip vote, then?"

"Yeah, I think that's for the best."

"Alright lads, be on alert, then. If you see anythin' suspicious, y' know where the button is," Demo sighed, patting the plastic cover that protected the emergency meeting button.

Everyone mumbled out affirmations before getting up to head out, Pyro staying behind to raise their hand.

"Ay, what is it, Py?"

Kshh. "...who's taking care of uh. Y'know. The body."

Engie squeezed his eyes shut briefly.

"I'll do it."

"Tex, no, we couldn't ask you t-"

"Demo, it's fine. I'm not a child, you don't need to baby me. I can deal with it."

"If you're so sure..."

"It's fine. Really. You go make sure everyone else is doin' ok, lord knows they'd need it," Engie smiled softly, giving Demo a pat on the arm.

Demo's eyes still showed worry but he nodded, reciprocating the gesture before hurrying into the direction of nav where everyone else went.

Spy turned to leave but Engie stopped him, shifting his goggles back to his forehead.

"...Why did you do it?" He asked softly. He could've sworn that he saw the slightest break of stoicism on Spy's face but perhaps it was just the awful fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria playing tricks on him.

"You were taking too long. It was getting risky for us to be here. I thought it better to end it sooner rather than later," He said, any trace of emotion leaving as quickly as it came as he turned his head. Engie had no response.

"Remember what they did to us. To you. Just because one treated you kindly does not mean others will."

Silence.

"...Don't sabotage anything tonight. They'll get suspicious. Be prepared to leave this ship in a week's time, without the Medic they'll fall apart. Do I make myself clear?"

Still nothing. Spy frowned.

"I said, do I make myself clear, Dell?" He asked again, not even bothering to mask the threatening tone in his voice this time.

Engie squeezed his eyes shut again.

"...Yes. Yes, you do."

"Very well. I will see you in the morning," He said, moving so that Engie's hand no longer rested on his shoulder and starting to make his way to hallway that led to crew's personal quarters.

Spy paused to look back, a feeling that could almost be described as pity overcoming him. He sighed.

"...Get over it. You only knew him for less than 8 months, anyways," He said softly before leaving Engie alone, footsteps echoing against the metal floors of the ship.

When he felt he was ready, Engie made his way to the Medbay with full expectations of what he would find there.

He just. Didn't expect it to hurt so much.

Medic's body lay on the floor in between the scanner and the large computer it was attached to, his normally bright cyan suit soaked in red and a sizable gash made into his back. There was a broken test tube that had fallen out of his hand a little ways away and one of the lensed of his glasses had been cracked, most likely from the impact of falling onto the floor.

Engie took in a deep breath before carefully sitting him up against the nearest wall, preparing himself to find something to clean up the blood that hadn't managed to be absorbed into his space suit.

He wasn't used to Medic being so.. quiet. Lifeless, if you would. He couldn't remember a single time he'd felt a pain in his chest as intense as this.

It was then that his anger suddenly came back, barely being able to contain himself before he turned around and ended up making a decently large crack in the monitor.

He tried to control the emotions that came flooding after, tried to keep himself from feeling this way over this one human when he'd aided the destruction of countless others, but when he felt himself shaking, he fell to his knees, a sob escaping him.

He shouldn't have gotten attached. He shouldn't have, it wasn't like him- like an imposter to get attached, and yet here he was, crying on the Medbay floor as blood soaked into his already red suit and glass shards clinked against the desk as they fell off piece by piece.

Serves him right for believing in humans, he guesses. Serves him right for having the audacity to care.

...what a stupid decision, that was.

[deerskewl]

2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, 11, 14, 15, 19, 23, 25, 26, 27?

2. Favourite merc?

Don't make me choose :( but if I absolutely have to, it's Spy or Medic. For obvious reasons, I think.

3. Least favourite merc?

I don't want to say that I have a least favourite merc, because I love all of them, but..... I suppose I don't have as much of an attachment to Soldier? Which sucks because he's really cool I just don't hold him as much as I do the others?

4. Casual or Competitive?

Imagine being good enough at the game to play Competitive, this post was made by the me gang. Yeah no I play Casual on Attack/Defend and Payload exclusively.

5. First map you ever played?

I honestly don't remember, probably Upward? That sounds about right. Or uhhh Dustbowl?

7. How many hours do you have for TF2?

*quickly loads up Steam to check* uhhh that's 234 hours exactly :)

8. When did you start playing TF2?

I. uhhh don't exactly know? I got into it about 2016 but I didn't know how to play it— wait I can check my achievements uhhhh 2017 it seems! Whack.

10. Favourite song from the TF2 soundtrack?

I gotta be honest with you, I actually love More Gun a lot?? Of course all three of Medic's themes and specific Dapper Cadaver I love a lot too but there's something about Engie's theme that just makes me go :)

11. If you had to main any merc for the rest of your life, who would you choose?

Either Pyro or Sniper, actually. While I don't have as many hours on Sniper I think I could play him just as well, and I think both of those are the most versatile for me? Because while I love playing Medic sometimes you just need to go feral and burn shit down but also stand 20 ft away from everyone at all times and I already live in a constant state of anxiety I don't need to play in a constant state of anxiety as Spy.

14. How did you hear about TF2?

I'll be completely honest. I have no fucking idea. I think I just.... somehow saw one of the Meet The Team videos and went HOLY FUCK, combined with my cousin introducing me to the game?

15. Favourite thing about TF2?

Every part about it, it's fun. The game is fun to play, the characters are so interesting and wonderful, the ideas people come up with, the fanart and fanfiction is creative and brilliant. Of course I'm sidestepping around problems like the aimbots and the people with horrifically bad takes, but if you know where to keep yourself, then TF2 is just overall really nice and fun.

19. Loadouts?

OHH BOY OK. I'll go with the ones I have actual loadouts for sjdnjs:

For Pyro I usually have stock Flamethrower (Smalltown Bringdown Mk.II warpaint) or Backburner, Shotgun and The Lollichop for weapons, then Candy Cranium (painted A Deep Commitment To Purple and renamed "no braincells only candy"), Party Hat and The Sub Zero Suit for cosmetics.

For Medic I have the Blutsauger, stock Medi Gun (Night Owl Mk.II warpaint) or Quick-Fix, and Ubersaw (Smissmas Sweater warpaint) for weapons, and some combination of the Dad Maddendoktor, Madmann's Muzzle, Derangement Garment and Pocket-Medes.

For Sniper I have stock Sniper Rifle (Autumn Mk.II warpaint) or the Huntsman, stock SMG and the Shahanshah for weapons, and only Wagga Wagga Wear (painted Mann Co. Orange) for cosmetics :')

For Spy I have the Diamondback, Your Eternal Reward or stock Knife (Seriously Snowed warpaint), either stock Sapper or Red Tape Recorder (I really want the Ap-Sap tho,,) and the Cloak and Dagger for weapons, and........ no cosmetics lmao. I actually put The Spirit Of Giving on him because since I've never given any gifts it shows no heart on it and I just think that's really funny, and I was half tempted to put the Ghostly Gibus that I got while playing Pyro on him just to look like One Of Those Players but I ended up not doing it lmao.

23. Funniest moment while playing TF2?

I don't remember many but I think the best one was playing Medic on 2Fort, sitting in intel with my friend who was playing Engie, and just. somehow managing to mow down like three Scouts with just the Blutsauger because they just kept running at me in a straight line and whatever damage they dealt I healed near instantly. Rip to them but I'm different.

25. Favourite cosmetic? (Any class)

Honestly I love the pocket cosmetics so much. They're so cute!! I would kill for like. Actual pocket plushies in real life. I would like one (1) Pocket Medic please. And a Pocket Pardner. And an Itsy Bitsy Spy-der. Hold them soft and gentle.

26. Favourite voice line? (Any class)

LISTEN I LOVE ALL THE VOICE LINES SO MUCH but NOTHING will compare to like. All of Engie's voice lines. And Medics!! I love both of them. Engie's Bam Pow Bap with the Gunslinger and his I'm wolverine mean you son of a bitch and Medic's GET THEM, RAUS RAUS are such wonderful repeatable statements. Though nothing will be funnier to hear in-game than SPY_PAINCRITICALDEATH03.WAV.

27. Favourite weapons? (Any class)

The Backburner is a really fun weapon to play Pyro with if you're sneaky! Getting around people do deal critical hits 100% of the time is WONDERFUL, but only in certain situations because of the +150% airblast cost :/. I actually wanna try playing with the Thermal Thruster to be able to get behind people easier in open-air maps? And I think Your Eternal Reward is a good knife for Spy if you're like me and can't switch from knife to sapper quick enough to get the Engie and then the Sentry? Plus it works well with the L'Etranger and the Cloak and Dagger (in theory! I don't actually have the gun in-game I only put this together via looking at stats). Also the bows for Sniper are really good too, not just for Medieval Mode. I actually find it easier to use than the actual rifles at times but of course that means you have to get closer to the fight, and therefore closer to death.

[vaguely-concerned]

I am reading the Rogue One visual guide and I’m going to ramble at you about it

Starting with Baze and Chirrut facts because nothing is more important than Baze and Chirrut

- The Guardians of the Whills believe very deeply in the Force but their cosmology doesn’t center any fight between light and dark and they believe mortal minds can ‘encompass the totality of the Force’ with the right training (seemingly even for non-Force sensitives). *thinks of a little green baby who’s going to need some help with his place in the universe one day and how reductive the light/dark side dichotomy can be* good to know good to know. yes everything eventually comes down to baby yoda and his poor stressed out dad. protect them

- “Opposites in balance. Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus share a homeworld and a history, although they strike a compelling contrast. Baze is a hardened pragmatist, while Chirrut’s faith flourishes even in trying times. They both claim to act as the protector of the other.” 

in every way they are #goals. bffs/partners to lovers is Everything. ‘They both claim to act as the protector of the other’ is very funny and very sweet and very true; my favourite thing

- this book describes chirrut as baze’s ‘best friend and moral compass’, which is a funny way of spelling ‘husband of 30 years’ but who am I to criticize 

- baze is just. he’s so good. they say here pragmatism is his biggest trait but you can tell how much love has been at the center of him (and probably continues to be under it all) from the totality of his rage. I don’t think you can be this deeply hurt without loving just as deeply first. (like chirrut says, he used to believe more than anyone and now he’s thrown aside literally everything about the guardians except chirrut) it’s like he’s suffered a moral wound just seeing what’s happened to his home and it won’t heal and it never does, he just loses chirrut too and then at least it’s over. jesus christ it’s so soul crushingly sad in a quiet undramatic way 

- “Though both are Guardians of the Whills, Baze and Chirrut could not be more different in their approach to combat. Traditionalist Chirrut still carries weapons associated with the ancient order, while Baze adopts an implement of modern warfare. Their methods suit them individually, and both are effective extensions of their distinctive personalities. Though Baze may chide Chirrut for his antiques, and Chirrut may decry Baze’s reliance on soulless tools, they trust each other’s defences to such weapons.”

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER’S DEFENCES TO SUCH WEAPONS. YOU HAD TO WORD IT LIKE THAT HUH. YOU HAD TO GO AND MAKE IT CLEAR THEY’RE EACH OTHER’S MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. WHAT. THE FUCK

- it’s implied baze’s hair used to be shorter when he was a Guardian! he’s just let it grow past what’s customary for them (and an excellent choice too his hair is wonderful)

- his repeating blaster is described as ‘modified and highly illegal’ hahaha

it also weighs 30 kg and is meant to be mounted on a tank

baze is the best

- chirrut built his own lightbow! apparently used to be a thing the guardians did to symbolize the end of their training. I wonder if baze used to have one too? even more I wonder if they’ve always been part of the same uh ‘divisions’ or what have you within the guardians, because I think there are some implications that baze has been more of an assassin/focused on violent conflicts even before the empire came and chirrut hasn’t

- this book does not adequately capture chirrut’s trickster/funny side, making me wonder how much of that was an addition by the actor and how much was planned out

- honestly... more baze & chirrut (well baze/chirrut let’s not play here) prequel books WHEN. what does their living room look like (because we do know they live together) how did they meet, when exactly did baze lose his faith and chirrut his sight, what was their first kiss like 

inquiring minds want to know (it’s me I want to know) 

- unless the wording is deliberately misleading here chirrut was not born blind (though he won’t discuss how he ended up this way) and he’s learned his current fighting technique over a prolonged period of time 

- bodhi is a bit of a gambling addict! and specifically one who’s pretty good at it; even after the empire knows he’s a defector he gets past their restrictions because he’s saved up all the credits/favours/even id-vouchers he’s owed by other imperial grunts fsdhfksdjf precious I love him 

- saw gerrera’s medical droid a) has been modified so its programming won’t stop it from being able to dispense drugs at dangerous intervals, b) professes sheer bafflement that saw is still alive and c) is ‘frequently deactivated to prevent it from building an ethical case to discontinue treatment’. I find the whole thing darkly hilarious.  

- there are literally whole subplots going on in the crowd scenes on Jedha about a mad evil surgeon who ‘decraniates’ people (essentially turning them into mindless servile husks with all of their head above the nose cut off, somehow), a masked cop from the Milvayne Authority who’s gone rogue to do the right thing and hunt him down against orders, a death cult, a bunch of different religious sects, a translation droid who has befriended a group of local orphans and shares his credits with them so they can eat and he’s SAVING UP FOR A PROCESSOR UPGRADE SO HE CAN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF SPIRITUALITY ;_____; what the fuck I want a tv-series about this droid IMMEDIATELY 

- this book shows you just how crucial K-2 is as an asset and what a masterstroke cassian’s reprogramming of him is... and it says some very, very sweet things about cassian as a person under all the trauma and spy stuff that he essentially treats him as his best friend instead of a tool. cASSIAN he deserved to survive and have SO much therapy ;_____; ah well at least we’re getting a prequel series about him right? pls be good

- oh cassian was a proper separatist during the clone wars! he probably has some very interesting points of view about the republic pre- and post empire huh (this is what I love about the clone wars era; they have built SUCH a believable and interesting political world here, all shades of grey. there were separatists with very valid points even thought they were lead by a guy named COUNT DOOKU played by CHRISTOPHER LEE, the first sign that you should look inwards and ask yourself... wait are we the bad guys)

- it’s so much more understandable to me now who in the rebel leadership is for following jyn’s plan and who is not. (namely: the ministers of finance and industry are both Not Into challenging the empire directly, kind of understandably)

in depth description of weapons technology... I sleep. deep dives into the political structure of the alliance leadership and their backgrounds and motivations? I have never been happier

(this. sort of should have been in the actual movie tho things would have made more sense)

- BAIL ORGANA Leia’s actual dad out there lookin’ fiiine, being righteous and good, almost making me forget he’s going to die SO SOON oh fuck :( 

- orson krennic is, presumably straight faced, described as ‘a cruel but brilliant man’ which is PATENTLY LUDICROUS because krennic is by literally every indication a fucking idiot, he needs galen to do all the real work for him, he mouths off to DARTH VADER and then tarkin just effortlessly swoops in and fucks him over in the end, easily outmaneuvering him... orson krennic is a fucking loser I don’t care if he’s the one who introduced brutalist architecture to coruscant

lol lol lol *arrow pointing towards krennic’s head* ‘Keen mind dissects architectural puzzles and conspiratorial plots’ okay I see what happened here orson krennic wrote this book 

- oh galen erso is kind of one of the most interesting and heartbreaking characters in all of star wars. (and I do not say this just because of mads mikkelsen’s cheek bones) he’s incredibly intelligent but from a really poor family and wanted to eliminate the difference between rich and poor and invent a new form of infinitely renewable energy... and technically he did achieve that, except his old college buddy orson krennic immediately found a way to use his technology for genocide and he didn’t realize until it was too late :’) there is something so comforting in the fact that in the end galen still got the last laugh in the most epic but unsung way. he’s the sort of quiet Magnificent Bastard who doesn’t even care he’ll never get the credit as long as it worked. u did good on that one jyn

also several of the scientists galen is leading on eadu are in the same category as him -- captured and forced to work for the empire. so that’s great and not at all upsetting 

- galen and lyra’s falling in love story is kind of sweet (though naturally it pales against baze and chirrut’s whole deal but then who could compare) and the sheer effort and detail that’s gone into building the farmstead in the beginning we end up seeing for 5 minutes... dude (it feels very convincingly like somewhere a family would live though) 

- *sees that ‘databook’ is a concept that exists apparently; groans in fic research I thought ‘holodisc’ might do the job but maybe this is a better fit*

- I will say that my largest gripe with this movie is how glaringly unnecessarily male it is. there’s literally no reason for most of the rebels and ESPECIALLY all of the scientists to be male but here we are. 

well the stormtroopers could all canonically be any gender behind the armor so uh that’s. something lol

- despite being all desert-y jedha is apparently quite cool! temperature-wise I mean though the huge ancient statues lying everywhere are pretty awesome too

- wow stormtrooper armor really does just suck huh. it’s like ‘well it might protect you from a blaster bolt if you stand upwind and angle yourself just right, who knows’. I guess this is why everyone and their grandmothers are drooling over mando’s beskar lol

- star wars’ insistence on sticking to single-biome planets is so silly and I love it. stick to that incomprehensible world building decision lucasfilm I respect you

- mon mothma! basically the most important character in the star wars universe who most people won’t know about lol she’s like the anti-palps. for the most part she is one of the most Big Goods in all of star wars (along with bail) but also she’s played by the actress who voices moira in overwatch so I do instinctively distrust her whenever I hear her talk haha. called palpatine a ‘lying executioner’ to his face which is both admirably bold and remarkably restrained, considering all the things palpatine is.

- oof the two people mentioned the most on anakin/vader’s pages are palpatine and obi wan. that’s. hurtful and bad and awful. the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making me watch ‘clone wars’ because watching ‘clone wars’ actually made me care about anakin skywalker :(

-ah shit this is a lot of pages about pasty empire dudes i’ll uh come back to these lol

[cryptidofthekeys]

Welp here’s 1 of 2 TF2 OCs I said I’d make!

First up is the Spy bby! I’ll admit, I’m very nervous to post him, thats the anxiety talkin of course but im not like??? Disappointed in him? If anything Im kinda proud?

Name: Amour | Alias: The Spy/Spy | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Human | Age: 40s/50s | Occupation: Mercenary | Height: 5'5" | Eye Color: Bleu de France (I swear to god I am NOT doing it just bc it says France! its just! a pretty color!) and his other eye is a Royal Purple, he has heterochromia | Appearance: He wears nothing but the fanciest of suits, I mean he IS a Spy after all, he's got to look his best, all day every day, he suits come in a variety of colors really, red, blue, purple, black, grey, etc- Just so long as it isn't an OVERLY bright shade of the color (excluding black n grey of course since those are just, dark colors in general) but so long as it isnt a bright shade of a color then he doesn't mind them and of course so long as its the fanciest and most expensive. He really only has a five o'clock shadow if you EVER got to see his face, which you never will because he ALWAYS wears a ski mask (that matches with his suits of course unless he feels like mixing em up so long as the colors look good together), and his hair color is black again, not that'll, you'll ever see it but he also keeps it slicked back so it won't bother him too much, he does have a bunch of stab wounds and cuts on his body, his chest, and his back ESPECIALLY, he doesn't e x a c t l y like his scars but, there's not much he can do about them. and I hate to add this but I will also say, yes... he is the type... to wear fucking f e d o r a s... He loves them shush. | Personality: This man is not- okay, he CAN be suave n such as that and he DOES flirt with almost everyone but if they flirt back he immediately panics like "O h... M e r d e..." and just bAILS! He can't handle it if they do it back to him, even if he might think he's charming, charismatic, etc- He DOES have a narcissistic streak along with being snarky and sassy to enemies and teammates alike, although, to enemies he's usually a BIT more aggressive with his snark and sass, with his teammates although he tries not to show it too much, he tries not to be TOO aggressive with his snark and sass towards them. He does care for his teammates, just, he won't show it off or anything, but he isn't about to JUST let them die or get hurt so v e r y easily, not on his watch... You hurt his friends and you best watch your back, lest you find a knife buried deep into it... (tl;dr: He can be suave in a way of being confident, and all gentleman like for sure, flirts with ALMOST everyone but god forbid someone flirts back or its all over, d e f i n i t e l y narcissistic in many ways, very aggressively snarky n sassy towards enemies and only mildly snarky n sassy to teammates, deep down he does care for them and won't let anything bad happen to them but he won't show care or anything just OUTRIGHT) | Side Facts: In his spare time, he usually just sits in his room, well- fancy lookin lounge room and reads a few books here and there, drinks some wine or whiskey, or even just listens to music, mostly classical, piano, and songs in French of course (l is t  en, a LOT of songs in French sound fuckin good and im love). Like the Spies always do, he fucking smokes a lot, like a LOT- smoking apparently "calms his nerves" and keeps him from stabbing everyone in the fucking face aka it keeps his temper under wraps so he won't kill someone who isn't exactly the enemy, listen he DOES care for his teammates BUT that doesn't mean they won't pester or get on his nerves sometimes. He'll smoke normal cigs and cigars mostly, even t h o s e are the fanciest brand you can buy, he uh, technically has a LOT of money bc of course this bastard does, even tho he isn't just NATURALLY malicious I will say, he might seem like babey but I would like to remind you, he STILL is a mercenary and he won't hesitate to put a knife in your back if the situation NEEDS it.

Next up is a Medic OC!

[sigmasandwich]

My two favourite ships❤❤ love em

day 45

First time scheduling a post, so u guys can yell at me later after my 16 hour bus ride (ty dailysniperspy on twt for the og idea)

[cryptidofthekeys]

May I present to you- the babs

Okay so let me start off by saying I legit worked on these guys ALL day yesterday, mind you a few breaks of course! even then uhh breaks... didnt do me much good... my arm hurt like a b i t c h- but im super proud- god, just, these babs are gonna be fun to write with ....eventually- not now- god no- arm machine broke- I’ll put this under a keep reading btw so it aint too much a hassle

Names: Ashton (Ashton is the Sniper), Vincent (Vincent is the Spy and he's the leader of the group), and finally Erwin (he's the Medic) | Nicknames: Ash, Vin (Ash loves to call him Vinny much to his dismay but eh he'll be fine), and Erwin doesn't really have any nicknames he cares for tbh- just call him by his name | Genders: Male | Species/Race: Androids/Robots | Heights: Ashton is 8'7", Vincent is 9'5" making him the tallest of the group, and Erwin is only 5'0" making him the shortest of our lovely little group here | Hair Colors: Ashton's hair color (not that'll ye'll see much of it, he usually keeps his hat on) but his hair color is: Hickory Brown and honestly its just super messy underneath that hat, Vincent's hair is Pitch Black and slicked back, annnd finally Erwin's hair is dyed a: Mint Green (his hair is a Messy Undercut style) | Eye Colors: Ashton's is an Icy Blue, Vincent's is Imperial Red, and Erwin has heterochromia, his eyes are a light pastel blue and a Mint Green color | Appearances: Let's start off with Ashton bc why not, first off I gotta say- despite what the normal tf2 bots look like, these babs ACTUALLY look like r e a l mercs, real people, there's only a few ways to tell their androids and that's by looking closely at their open wounds which I'll get to all their prominent wounds in a moment, first up... Ashton usually wears punk-like clothing, or something similar- he has leather jackets with TONS of spikes on them, gloves with spikes on them, pants with the chains that hang down and don't forget them sweet sweet combat boots, he also tends to wear some of those face masks, most of the ones he owns has sharp teeth patterns on it but one in particular that he owns has eyes all over it (all of them are black, his clothing is either black or just REALLY dark colors in general) However, when Vincent and them aren't doing business stuff or whatever, he usually wears again, its mostly dark clothing but he doesn't give a shit what he wears like, t-shirts, tank-tops, whatever- that's when you can PROPERLY see his wounds and this android has a TON of them, v e r y open wounds that expose tons of wiring and robotic-y insides as well, so many various parts, so many w i r e s... just o o f- oh and for all of them I'll say they ALL have facial hair, Ashton has a circle beard, Vincent has a short boxed beard, and Erwin's is REALLY just stubble to get that out of the way, ahem- anyways, Ashton actually DOES have sharp teeth, a few rows of them actually. Now... Onto big boss man Vincent, Vincent is a fancy man for sure, fitting considering he's supposed to be an android/robot of the Spy, like Ashton, he H A T E S bright colored clothing but its for different reasons aside from bright ones just being irritating to look at, it also messes with his sensors actually, he's the only one out of the group who has that problem- the other's sensors aren't bothered at all by bright clothing, anyways- Vincent usually wears dark colored suits, not just black n brown though he has MULTIPLE options, dark red, dark blue, etc- I could go on- he has a LOT of fancy clothing, even his s h o e s are fancy, oh and uh he wears the typical leather gloves and that balaclava/ski mask lookin thing ya know the usual spy attire there blah blah, he also sometimes wears fedoras or some sorta fancy hat n stuff, unlike Ashton he doesn't have rows of razor bladed teeth, his teeth are just- normal tbh but that doesn't make him any less dangerous- he has a few wounds actually, one on his back that reveals some robotic parts and has a few wires sticking out although it doesn't seem to bother him too much, a has a really large stab wound on his chest that has some wires sticking out of there as well and reveals some rather serious looking parts- this one actually bothers him a little bit but he tries his damnedest to keep it hidden. and finally... Erwin, he usually wears pastel clothing with cute designs on them long sleeved t-shirts, hoodies, sweaters, etc- even his p a n t s are pastel colors! He does try to make sure the pastels aren't TOO bright or anything, he doesn't want Vincent's sensors to malfunction nor does he want to irritate his friends! He has TONS of openings that'd reveal a BUNCH of tattered wires, its a wonder he's even still functional at this point, a lot of his parts and wires are tattered and not in a VERY good condition, but he doesn't seem to let it stop him! His voice box is a little... messed up but he's still fully intelligible, sometimes it DOES make him stutter, sometimes it cuts out completely but he always somehow finishes his sentences in the end even if he has to start over, he's self conscious about his voice box messing up sometimes and he's DEFINITELY self conscious about all the scars he has over him, its partially why he wears hoodies/sweaters the MOST out of all the other clothing, he doesn't want people to see all his tattered wires n scars! He does have four prominent canines but other than that, his teeth are relatively like a normal human's. oh and as a bonus he usually wears circle glasses, it CAN technically help improve his vision a bit more but also they look cute so he loves them shh. | Personalities: Ashton's up first, now I will say even tho their robots and technically powerhouses compared to humans ANYWAYS- he IS the true powerhouse of the group, the b r u t e- BUT he's not all brawn and no brains, he's not stupid by any means even if he can act like a punk or cold rude bitch, he has a l o t of intelligence in fact- and he uses that to his advantage for sure, he's not entirely a cold rude bitch- to his friends he's relatively well, friendly and nice- even if he does mess with them sometimes- he loves to get on Vincent's nerves the most because he finds it funny mostly, but he knows when to stop so he doesn't take things too far, Erwin... messing with him can be... difficult, he uh- its not that he CANT do it, he can! He TOTALLY can its just... listen, shut up- Spy's his fave to mess with- He absolutely hates humanity, their creators especially more so- if he ever saw em or hell humans in general when he sees em- it always takes e v e r y t h i n g in his power to hold himself back from tearing them to shreds, he wouldn't even w a n t to use a gun against them despite being based off a Sniper, he'll take them apart with his strength and teeth alone if he REALLY wants! After all, making them suffer first would bring him such joy, he's not evil, none of them REALLY are, but I'll explain that all in side facts, for now (tl;dr: Ashton gets along quite well with his friends even if he messes with Vincent a lot and gets on his nerves, in fact that's when you'll see him a bit more cheerier than he usually is, now... towards humans or whatever, he's a g g r e s s i v e- he'll strike them down then and there if Vincent gives him the command, but even if he c a n t, he'll still be cold or rude to em at the very least, terrify them a little bit even- he does NOT like humans at all whatsoever) Vincent... as I've stated, he's the leader of the group, he's DEFINITELY got the perfect personality to be a leader for sure, first off he has MAJOR confidence- he's a super confident dude, he REALLY kinda has to be- after all, his role was the leader of this little group- it was forced upon him so he decided to go along with it- they wanted him to be leader so he'll fulfill that position but if he e v e r gets a hold of them their gonna wish they hadn't e v e r done what they did, he DOES have some narcissistic tendencies but its nothing TOO major, he can be suave and gentlemanly but that part is usually just an act to trick people, he plays nice and makes them think he's trustworthy and then that's when they strike, its a m a z i n g to him how naive and so trusting humanity can be, he can't w a i t to get his hands on their creators, what a f u n day that'll be! Now he's not all big and bad, he can be nice to his friends- he does have a bit of snark and sass but its all in good fun, he mostly keeps it directed towards Ashton but sometimes he'll dish out some snark or sass towards Erwin ...he seems oblivious to that part tbh- but he... even though he doesn't show it a LOT he does care about them a lot, they've been there for him ever since the day they were first created, he absolutely loathes and despises humans- he always uses an act to just lure them to either their death OR, to a little interrogation room where he tries to find out if they know a n y t h i n g about their creator, I mean either way they do kinda die in the end so it really doesn't matter and finally Erwin, he's... a lot nicer than the other two, he doesn't hold a grudge towards his creators nor especially not to humanity, not ALL of them are as bad as Vincent and Ashton think surely... not that he'd ever tell them he doesn't hold grudges or whatever, he's worried he'd ruin their plans or worse, make them mad at him- so he pretends to hate humans when their around, he's actually helped his fair sure of humans escape from the others as well, now sure he DID try and ask a few of them about the creator, when they said they knew nothing he managed to lead them safely away without the others detecting them, now I won't say he's ALWAYS been lucky- sometimes the other two... catch him in the act and he almost had something equivalent to an a n x i e t y attack when they caught him but he played it off by telling them he saw this human wandering around and he also tried to play it off like he interrogated them and they knew nothing about the creators, but of course they uh... wanted to... "take care" of the human for him and he couldn't risk arguing against they'd suspect too much bc he's never been one for killing or whatever (despite being a version of a Medic lmao), there's been a lot of those times where he's felt so guilty for letting them take the human... They didn't know anything, they didn't even seem bad, why kill them? He knows their angry, they want revenge but something seems wrong... but, he'd n e v e r go against his friends, no matter how he feels- they've been there for him through thick and thin and he cares a LOT about them despite this (p much he's a good boy, he can get nervous/anxious sometimes, he just... wants his friends to be happy and rest easy really, he cares a lot about them despite all they do, he's deeply afraid if they find out what he's done or that he doesn't have grudges, etc- that they'll be a n g r y with HIM) | Side Facts: Alright, so... the best run down I can give is this... They didnt really wanna be created in the first place BUT they tolerated it- like ok chill, we gotta tolerate existing now- but then like they were pretty much abandoned bc they were discontinued, bc the tf2 bots look like actual robots, im making these guys more like androids as you already know im sure- closer resemblances to the actual human mercs n shit- but ANYWAYS- something happened and they didnt want to continue making androids like them so the three of them got left behind and of course were thought to be shut down but surprise surprise, their still active, their still out there and their. fucking. l i v i d- first they didnt really wanna exist in the first place, ok they could chill out bout that bc they learned to deal with it BUT- N O W their being discontinued? They dont even have a full t e a m!! its bullshit so now their a wee bit- okay no they are absolutely fucking livid at the creators and humanity in general- except, as you know- Erwin can't hold grudges or anything- he doesnt think ALL humans are bad or at least he hopes their not, but either way- Vincent and Ashton p much feel hatred n coldness towards the creators and humanity. | AU: So a best bud of mine suggested since I had like t w o really good ideas for these lads and couldnt use both of them bc it'd like conflict with many things, to make an AU outta the second idea- I- honestly gotta thank em for fuckin reminding me that AUs are a t h i n g that e x i s t s- but anyways, this AU is basically where Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin died and the respawn, sorta... well broke for em, dont know why or how but it just did, so they died for reals and just... their souls wandered the earth for a bit until they found the bodies of these robots and decided to possess them p much, and now since they died for real- they REALLY wanna return the favor to the ones who killed em (of course, not gonna tell who that was e x a c t l y not yet anyways), I will say their personalities will probably differ from canon a LITTLE bit in this regard, like their still- well in this AU their MORE vengeful than they could EVER be in canonverse- even Erwin in this AU is vengeful, only towards those who did em wrong of course. and with a conversation I had with my partner, there was more expansion that happened, essentially- it was questions of the teammates and what'd happen there (thank you darling, I appreciate this bc this just gave the AU more expansion that I really wasnt just thinking bout on my own), bc if they didnt go back to their teammates they'd be without the supports and ahem, the medic- but anyways, if they did wwweeeellll... their team wouldn't EXACTLY recognize it as them, to them its just potential enemy bots that they need to dispose of orrr at least run off, and that's what they'd definitely do at first, now I will say, there's the chance oh Idk, Erwin interacts with the Heavy (listen... I dont have canon names for this team... im- im too tired to figure it out rn for all the team sdjkajdj they will have to wait for awhile) but Erwin and the Heavy were VERY good close friends, and Erwin could show him that, he's... well, his best bud- they ALL had certain things they used to do or say to their teammates- and ya know if Erwin proved that to Heavy- he'd- well, a lotta emotions would be running wild in that case, of course im getting a head of myself- I should have clarified, bc the team k n o w s the others died and weren't respawning which of course they absolutely tried to deny- they'd be back soon ....yeeaahh they werent, and like now they do find it suspicious these three bots showed up that are designed like the supports but they'd never go that far to say its their dead teammates possessing these... robots, that's a little far-fetched for them. So unless Erwin goes and tries to convince his best friend, who knows what'll happen- oh and I'll also say, aside from the personalities- the actual human versions of Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin would look a LITTLE different- they still wear the same clothes n have similar features, they have scars but those don't reveal tattered wires since their humans you know, and their eye colors- Ashton's eyes are Cobalt Blue, Erwin's eyes are baby blue, and Vincent's eyes are a Caramel Brown, they also don't have those sharp teeth or fangs- oh and their heights are different, Ashton is 6'4", Vincent is 6'8", annnd Erwin- eh he's the same height the bots of course, still retain the same look as in canonverse however so try not to get too confused by different appearances!

[cryptidofthekeys]

Its another tf2 oc and im not ashamed

Let me break it down to y’all how this happened, so basically- I wanted a mafia-esque spy character but then my brain decided ok mafia mans is coolio BUT WHAT IF... t e n t a s p y mafia boss man? And voila here this fucker is

Name: Alphonse Blanchard | Titles/Nicknames: The Spy, Boss which usually his "partners" call him that, or just call him Alphonse, only ONE person can call him AL, anyone else tries it and well it wont be a very pleasant experience | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Used to be a normal human, now he's a Tentaspy- a m o n s t e r. | Age: 49s/50s | Occupation: Even tho he's got the title of The Spy n such- he's p much teechnically a Mafia Boss- b i g boss man for sure- | Height: When he was human he was about 5'7", but now he's 8'9" (nearly 9ft) | Eye Color: His eye color when he was human was a Steel Gray color, his eyes are now a Charcoal color (mostly for their meanings n stuff), his pupils are also slit ones now. | Hair Color: (even though most of his face except for his eyes and mouth are covered by a balaclava and you'd most likely never see him without his mask on, his hair color is black with grey streaks in the sides of it, however for the record- his hair is VERY tidy and slicked back) | Appearance: Now, not much changes tbh- except... he cant wear pants bc of the tentacles on his lower half but I'll get to those in a minute, he wears v e r y fancy and HIGHLY expensive suits, only the f i n e s t of clothing for him, usually he wears dark gray or black suits but he does have other colors- their just ALL dark colors, he likes the appeal of black or gray colors- and he d e f i n i t e l y loves the meaning behind them, they fit him so well... He also wears fedoras, he has some rings (you know the ones- the ones that some mafia characters or just big shots in general tend to wear- yeaah, his biggest ring and the one he usually wears has a skull on it-), and he of course has a circle beard, oh and he has a lot of scars both on his upper human body and his tentacles even, just- gettin that outta the way right quick- now onto his more monstrous features... For starters, let's get the simple one out of the way, he DOES have claws now, long sharp black claws to be more specific- his tentacles are pitch black on top with Smoke Gray tiger-like stripes going down them his underbelly is also Smoke Gray color- and oh boy... here's the most complex thing- his teeth, while all his teeth are p much bear trap teeth, his lateral incisors both top and bottom are longer kinda like vampire teeth or something like that ya know, his actual canines both top and bottom ones along with his first AND second premolars (again both the top ones AND the bottom ones are actually curved (kinda like an anaconda's in a way- p much- just- hooked teeth, perfect for hooking onto prey and not letting go if need be) | Personality: Oh b o y well, where to even begin with this motherfucker? He's narcissistic as hell "I k n o w I'm handsome, yes~" and god forbid you compliment him or anything- bc with e v e r y compliment, every good thing said about him his ego inflates and grows tenfold, even if you say bad shit about him- he don't give a fuck- as long as it doesn't affect his reputation then you'll be fine! He'll just pay no mind to petty insults or anything, at first- insults calling him a monster n anything similar bothered him, it made him feel sick every time someone had used those insults but now? Now... While he would MUCH prefer to have legs again (its honestly just bc its easier to walk around with legs than tentacles), he e m b r a c e s the fact he's a monster, he knows there's no reversing this, if there was- he would... he wouldn't go OUT of his way for it BUT he would at the very least TRY  to get his hands on whatever could cure this, ahem anyways- he's come to terms with what he is even if some things about it aren't... ideal... I wouldn't say he's EVIL really, he's more so a neutral unless provoked/attacked- t h e n he'll "take care" of whatever or whoever's causing the problem with NO mercy whatsoever, but other than that he can be a reasonable man, just don't piss him off, steal from him, etc- basically don't make enemies with him and you should be just fine, he isn't one for small talk or anything like that, he wants to talk business, business and m o n e y even, even if he is a fucking HIGHLY rich bastard, he always wants more- he's got a BIT of a greed streak in him for sure (that doesn't mean however he won't let others borrow money, he just expects them to pay it back in the end or sometimes... he'll use his money for ahem, undercover classified reasons...) He'll flirt with a n y o n e if they happen to catch his eye, not just ladies either- men, ladies, no gender? What the fuck ever, if he wants- he's GONNA flirt with anyone, even if it might not end in love or whatever, he doesn't? really? He doesn't really care tbh, love is alright and if it happens it happens but honestly- he's just a fucking flirty b i t c h, who loves to see that flustered look and get a reaction from the other, you'll never truly know... feelings? Maybe but probably not... (tl;dr: Flirty bitch- I wouldnt hold hopes for feelings, greed streak but isn't afraid to let others borrow money so long as they pay it back in the end- some things he uses it for are classified- p much [REDACTED] info, neutral unless provoked/attacked, no mercy nor care towards enemies- can and WILL wipe out every single one of his enemies without a single t r a c e being left behind, even tho he's a monster now and has a LOT more strength than a normal human, he still tends to use guns or knives but isn't afraid to use his monstrous features if need be, narcissistic bastardery at its finest- compliment him and watch his ego inflate! "Don't you want r e a l friends Alphonse and not just henchmen or lackeys?" "....Non, not in the slightest, absolutely disgusting to even ASSUME I need friends, I, myself am my best company, better than any friend could e v e r do" w o w- b a s t a r d energy there huh) | Side Facts: ...Truth be told, he won't e v e r forget the day he turned into... this... this t h i n g... Even if he's accepted his fate, even if he's accepted to be this monster, the memory still lingers and haunts him and his very dreams, he has nightmares about it, and its mostly due to the agonizing pain he felt d u r i n g his little "transformation", it happened one day- he was in his own medic's lab (yes, the bitch has his o w n doctor), it was a normal routine health check up his medic liked to do- the man was always harping onto Alphonse for that pesky smoking habit of his, but then suddenly, one of the rival- well, t h e y call themselves family- Alphonse only considers the people he hired to be henchmen, lackeys, OR- just employees for basic terms, but one of his rivals broke in and decided to open fire and of course, it turned into an all out gun war, Alphonse DID get shot- which is what caused him to stumble backwards into a shelf full of god knows what, after he bumped it, a few jars of weird substances had fallen onto him, after that he could feel his body twisting and contorting, he remembers the a g o n i z i n g pain he felt that day, it was worse than that mere gunshot wound that he had... Aside from the horrifying memory of what fate had befell him... He also remembers what he d i d to his little rivals... He remembers the mortified and terror-stricken look on their faces, all of them had ran- except for... their boss... so much for "family sticks together" huh, he remembers slithering over towards the boss, who- well, he tried to fire from the looks of it, but he was so terrified that he had dropped his gun, Alphonse had never seen such terror on a grown man's face like that, but he loved e v e r y. s e c o n d. until the very end, he doesn't remember what came over him in the end, maybe it was blind fury, or maybe it was just instincts, but after he did what he did... He remembers seeing the boss's head ripped off completely along with other limbs ripped off and flung across the room. Unfortunately, his suit was v e r y messy after that- He actually still keeps the boss's head preserved- almost like a t r o p h y in fact... ....Oh, your probably wondering what happened to his doctor, right? ....Well, I'll say is he's still out there, he didn't get killed- neither by the rivals nor Alphonse's instincts/fury, but truth be told... He doesn't REALLY wanna come back, he wants to stay hidden- I will say, yes- he DID see Alphonse transform, but after that he fled- part of him figured deep down that Alphonse would be v e r y angry with him since h e was technically the one who had those jars just sitting around on the shelf and he did NOT wanna stick around if that man was c r o s s with him... now whether or not Alphonse will ever encounter/find him again? ... Who knows- h e h ASIDE from all the backstory of why he turned into a Tentaspy, let's move onto things Alphonse just- likes to do in his spare time when he's not talking business n all that jazz- He usually smokes some of his cigarettes or cigars, he loves the cigars more though- he'll also do some reading in his spare time as well, or he'll listen to some calming music- sometimes he'll do all three, smoke, read, and listen to some calming music- he's not... the most exciting man, he's just usually busy- so when he's not- he'll just do those things- He'll SOMETIMES go outside and get some fresh air, usually its at night- not necessarily just bc there's l e s s people to worry about- but usually because he enjoys looking up and seeing the moonlight when its out, such a beautiful sight...