#Maybe it's old sitcoms? and more adult stuff? But maybe it could just be like ambient fishtank...

[goatmilksoda]

I think a lot of money could be made if there was either a network tv channel or a Youtube livestream that

Wait... hold on... post cancelled it's Boomerang channel.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I've finally got my new laptop set up, and it has a 1TB hard drive instead of my old one that was only 500GB, so I've decided to move my American TV show collection to my internal hard drive, while I'd previously had it on external ones. I took the opportunity to do some editing on it, and here's how it looks now:

It's my collection of shows where I've seen every episode many times over, enough times so that when I want to watch something quick and easy as a comfort show, I could jump into any episode of any season and would 1) enjoy it, and 2) have it basically memorized. It's nice to have those downloaded, because if I'm in the mood to want to put on an episode of those, I won't be in the mood to navigate a website. I'll be looking for something quick and simple.

The one TV show I've been thinking of adding to the list is Brooklyn Nine Nine, as I used to watch that over and over, and really liked it. But I think it just barely misses the cut of shows I liked enough to justify the amount of space they'd take up, given that it ran for 8 seasons and the smallest torrent I could find with every episode was about 44GB. I think I just barely didn't quite love it enough to justify 44GB. Maybe I'll change my mind about that, though. It was a lot of fun.

The Office (US) is the other American sitcom where I've seen every episode many times, but I don't mind not having that one. I was fun while it lasted, I did used to re-watch it a lot, but I wasn't attached to it enough to need to see it again.

There were also older American sitcoms that I watched over and over as a kid - mainly M*A*S*H, Cheers, and Seinfeld. My parents had boxests of those when I was young so I watched every episode until I memorized them, and then I've sporadically re-watched bits of them as an adult. I've sometimes thought about downloaded a bunch of seasons of M*A*S*H and Cheers to do a proper re-watch and see how seeing it as an adult compares to seeing it as a kid (the way I've done with the British sitcoms that I watched on DVD boxset as a kid, like Yes Minister and Blackadder and Fawlty Towers).

I think beyond Brooklyn Nine Nine, if I were to expand this folder, the next American comedy TV shows to make the cut of "things I've watched and enjoyed enough to want to have at my fingertips for sporadic re-watching" would be Portlandia and Broad City. Freaks and Geeks would be up there too. I of course already have Veep downloaded, in a folder along with The Thick of It and In the Loop on my main external hard drive that's almost always connected to my laptop, so that is also at my fingertips when I'm in the mood to re-watch that stuff.

Bojack Horseman is an incredibly brilliant show, I really loved it, I've watched it all the way through three times, but I'm not sure it lends itself well to randomly dipping into an episode when I need a comfort show. In that it has too much of a story to be good at random, and it's not particularly comforting.

Thinking about animation has reminded me that Archer exists, which definitely fits the bill of a show where I've seen every episode multiple times and would enjoy re-watches. That should be on my list too, maybe. Now that I've got more internal hard drive space.

[starseedfxofficial]

Why a Double Top in BTC/EUR Could Mean More Than You Think Picture this: You spot a double top pattern forming, and it feels like the market is about to replay one of its favorite bad sitcom plot twists — the one where the protagonist always makes the same mistake, never learning from it. But this time, it's not just a laugh track and some funny expressions; it's your BTC/EUR trade we're talking about. Yes, a double top can be a bad pair of sale shoes, one that haunts your closet... or it could be the key to trading brilliance if you know how to handle it right. How the Market Dupes Us Twice: Decoding the Double Top Double tops are like that scene in every rom-com where the lead character almost gets it right, but not quite. It's an old market tale — price hits a level, pulls back, then tries again, only to falter. At face value, the double top is a classic bearish reversal pattern, hinting that bullish momentum is exhausted. In BTC/EUR, this means the euro is flexing its muscles and BTC might just be running out of juice. But what’s really happening here, beneath the surface? This isn't just about two peaks on a chart. It's about human behavior, greed, fear, and maybe even that fear of missing out when you think you've found the "hidden dip" at the bottom. Traders looking at BTC/EUR might not know that double tops often lure in late buyers — those who see the second peak as confirmation of a breakout rather than the beginning of a downturn. You want to know the truth? This is where the double top truly shines: it’s less a pattern and more a psychological trap. The Secret Sauce: Combining Double Tops with Volume Analysis Ever heard someone say, “Volume never lies”? It’s cheesy, I know, but in Forex, cheesy statements can be true. The double top’s real tell-tale sign comes from volume. If you see volume spiking during the first peak and decreasing during the second, you have yourself a genuine potential reversal. It’s like watching a movie where the sequel is nowhere near as exciting as the original — the audience is losing interest, and the story’s going downhill. In the BTC/EUR scenario, smart traders use this volume cue to start prepping their entries or exits. Imagine the price rallying to that familiar top, and the euro is looking tired; volume fading here is your signal that the buyers are backing away. Even Bitcoin bulls know when it’s time to take their profits and pack up. Double Tops in BTC/EUR: Why Most Traders Get it Wrong The thing about double tops is that they love tricking traders into a false sense of security. Most traders, seeing that second peak, immediately enter short positions. That’s like buying shoes just because they’re on sale — you didn’t check if they fit, if they’re even your style, or if they’re practical. The rush to enter a trade just because the market hits a known level can often lead to early stop-outs. Entering on the right confirmation, like a break below the neckline of the pattern, can save you the heartbreak (and your bankroll). The Forgotten Tool: Bringing Fibonacci Into the Double Top Mix Fibonacci retracements are the behind-the-scenes heroes here. Once that double top starts showing its hand, bringing out the good old Fib retracement levels can be your ticket to success. Pull the Fibonacci levels between the last major swing high and low — when price breaks the neckline of the double top, look to key levels like 38.2% or 61.8% for targets. It’s a bit like knowing exactly how many scenes are left before the happy ending — except here, you're targeting price levels that make sense based on past behavior. For the BTC/EUR pair, these retracements often coincide with key support zones. Bitcoin’s notorious for volatile moves, and targeting these retracements gives you a structured way to handle the unpredictability. It’s strategic, not just reactive. Real Talk: When Double Tops Fail Nobody likes to talk about when stuff goes wrong, but hey, we’re all adults here. Not every double top leads to a magical reversal. Sometimes, Bitcoin just decides to break all the rules, pushing through resistance and heading to new highs. In these cases, it’s not about blaming the pattern; it’s about having a solid stop-loss and managing your risk appropriately. A failed double top isn’t a sign to double down on your position — it’s a signal to reevaluate. Maybe the euro isn’t as strong as we thought, or maybe BTC has more buyers lurking in the wings. Remember: even the best actors fluff their lines sometimes. Elite Tactic: How the Insiders Trade Double Tops in Crypto Want to know the real secret? Professionals often use double tops not as standalone signals but in conjunction with economic news and key indicators. With BTC/EUR, the PMI (Purchasing Managers Index) can be a game changer. Let’s say the eurozone PMI comes out stronger than expected, aligning perfectly with a double top formation on BTC/EUR. That's when institutions pounce, pairing technical analysis with macroeconomic clues for a powerful combo. It’s like a double whammy — technical pattern meets fundamental strength. If you’re not already checking economic calendars before trading, you’re missing out on the bigger picture. Double tops have better odds when macroeconomic data is playing along. Lessons from the BTC/EUR Double Top - Double Tops Are Psychological: Understand what the market’s thinking; it’s more than just a shape on your chart. - Volume is Key: Check how buyers and sellers are reacting — fading volume on the second peak is a red flag. - Fibonacci For the Win: Use retracement levels to target logical exit points. - News Matters: Pay attention to key economic releases like the PMI to give context to what you’re seeing. If you’ve ever found yourself hitting the sell button too soon or getting faked out by a double top, remember — it’s all about patience, context, and reading between the peaks. Because the truth is, while everyone else is falling for the sitcom rerun, you’re the one in the know, plotting your next move with confidence. —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated   Read the full article

[emiko-matsui]

hello this is my official list of what i think every member of the bau would work with if they wouldn't work at the bau like if that wasn't a reality you get me

——

Jason Gideon: look i know this is technically canon but i truly do think he would be an author and would guest lecture a bit in his later years and like sure he could still write true crime books but also just regular crime novels i think this old man would just like to write

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: i think she would work inside of the media, not in front of the camera necessarily but as a communicator or similarly inside of the media and the news. however i think there's a possibility of a divergence of path for her, i think its possible she could end up in a hostage situation due to her job in a similar situation like in neon terror and would start working out as a coping mechanism and like genuinely would pick up a (extra?) job as a personal trainer at her gym

Derek Morgan: firefighter. that's it i don't know what to say other than that, derek would 500% be a firefighter. there's nothing else. now that i think about it derek should've been a firefighter from the beginning fuck the bau this is his true calling don't even @ me

Elle Greenaway: similarly to JJ i think elle would work inside of the media but as an investigative journalist. well i think she would start out as a regular journalist but become an investigative journalist after a while because her drive would be too big you get me. also niche but i think that when she was a teen she was like briefly a singer like you know robin from how i met your mother but she would've made angry girl music

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: genuinely don't think this punk could stay away from the government so i think he would still work a fancy government job just not inside of the bau, maybe not even the fbi but i so think he'd still be in government. now what i have no idea because i know nothing about the government especially the american government seeing as im not even remotely american

David "Dave" Rossi: now i don't even know if this fucking counts but you know those really fancy shops that are like made of dark smelling wood and is called something extravagant with a cursive gold font and they sell like cigar or wine or herbal products or like mustache wax or whatever the fuck you know the places im talking about. i think rossi would work there and be that old man at the counter who will come up and talk to you and you have no idea if he just works there and is really invested in this stuff or if he owns the place or just a really weird costumer but then he's the one you pay too so you assume it's his but the moment you step out of the store you've forgotten his face and you never want to go back there but you always think about it once a month or something. if you don't know what kinda place im talking about consider yourself lucky

Penelope Garcia: if the bau wasn't even a prospect here there's no question that penelope would still be a hacker illegally and make most of her money from there but i also think that she would work in a small second hand shop with lots of old trinkets and clothes and stuff just because she genuinely thinks it's fun to work there and also the old woman who owns the shop lets her be on the computer when there's no costumers in the store. i just think she would sit there in her cupcake dress next to a ceramic old cat from the 1930s talking to bernice about her grandson while hacking jeff bezos on her computer

Spencer Reid: now it's time for spencer all over the place reid who i think would work at like one of those really prestige but still public libraries where like everyone is welcome but they have like locked rooms with super valuable books and stuff and he kinda does whatever there bc sometimes he gives tours talking about thr history of the building and stuff and sometimes you find him at the counter ready to guide you to the specific book you're looking for plus twenty other recommendations you should read if you like this book and sometimes you find him in a window reading and his coworkers politely ignore he's had his "break" for three hours now bc he guided 17 tours yesterday (only ten were scheduled) and they suspect he mightve slept here. plus in his spare time i think he would do some independent work to keep him stimulated with stuff but that's not a fully developed idea yet

Stephen Walker: this might be controversial but i think stephen would be a guidance counsellor at like a school and i don't know why but he has the vibe and i think he would be quite good at it. maybe he just gives me more official jawbone vibes from dimension 20

Emily Prentiss: i firmly believe this woman cannot hold down a job for her life. i think the bau and interpol were flukes in her reality because im quite certain emily would physically not be able to keep one job for longer than a year. if you mention a job she's probably done it. she's done everything from high positions in government to bagging groceries to leading seminars to breeding puppies. listen emily prentiss is a lesbian ex goth trust fund kid (like canonically yall). i think right now she's working with the lights for a theatre production and she's liking it and seems to have a knack for it

Tara Lewis: this one's out there but i think she would work as a principal at a university (do universities have principals?). but like the one who's in charge of a school but like advanced studies with like adults study after they've already studied if you know what i mean. idk i just think that's what she would be

Luke Alvez: hate to do this to luke but he would simply just be a cop. or like a detective (that's like a promotion for a cop in america right? bro my knowledge extends to brooklyn 99 and brooklyn 99 only). i hope this is because i feel like luke is the serious crime version of jake peralta and jake is the sitcom version of luke. anyway, cop

Matt Simmons: this is my magnum opus but bro i think he would be a podcaster. i think he would do a podcast with kristy. for everyone who follows my blog think justin and sydnee mcelroy but matt is sydnee. i think they would have a little podcast together. after his unit at the fbi (?) got got by linda barnes i think he would retire home and start doing podcasting full time with kristy. this is my hot take

Kate Callahan: because such a central part of kate's personality/backstory is that her sister died in 9/11 i think that kate would've been a nurse. specifically a nurse not a doctor and i don't think it's because a lack of competence or anything like that fuck u no i genuinely think kate wanted to be a nurse and chose to study to become that. her hours would still be crazy but maybe meg isn't as worried about her now

Ashley Seaver: i don't have a lot for seaver but i think she would work in local government more centralised like those guys from parks and rec and yes i realise ive made way too many references that some people might not understand but here we are. i think seaver would do whatever leslie does in parks and rec or something like that

Alex Blake: this is just a formality to have her on here because she's literally a linguistics professor in the show

[house-md-obsession]

Shake [James Wilson x Reader] Part Three

153 hours prior.

The talking on the TV jolted her awake. Some rerun of a sitcom found itself playing on the television. Her eyes flit open as she gained awareness of her surroundings. She felt the warmth of the soft quilt James keeps on his couch, it offering the comfort of the late nights she'd spent over there. The smell comforted her— cedar wood... and... Chinese food?

She glances to her right, to see James slurping down lo mein, chopsticks sitting in his hands. When he realizes she's awake, he hastily sets the food down on the coffee table in front of him, and flashes her a smile.

  "Hey, ___. How are you feeling?" He asks, sitting up and readjusting his position. He leans forward a little, finding himself a little closer as she tiredly pushes herself upright. She wipes the sleep from her eyes, and feels her hair tie at the end of a long-fallen ponytail. Her hair was nothing short of a mess, but that was the last thing she'd worried about. She had long given up on how she looked once she had gone two nights without sleep.

  "Honestly? Foul." She muttered, her voice raspy. He struggled to keep for letting out a soft laugh. She tried running her fingers through her tangled hair, and found her fingers caught. She pouted.

  He felt his heart nearly skip a beat.

  "I bought some takeout. I snagged you some sweet and sour chicken if you get hungry. You don't have to eat but I figured I've seen you eat very little since this last case."

  He stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

  "Oh, and here's some Tylenol. You took some earlier but I can't imagine it's still working."

  She suddenly once again felt the headache that had creeped up on her earlier, as if the mention of Tylenol had served as a reminder.

  "Thank you." She said, hoarse voice finding itself softened as he walked back towards her. His soft brown hair was a little askew— small strands of his normally well kept hair hung in front of his softened, mature features. His cheekbones caught the light of the buildings that shone through his opened window. The sun was setting and the orange in which that faintly painted the room was welcomed as the brightness gradually softened and her eyes eased.

  "Yeah, of course." He said, in which she noticed he had grabbed a glass of water for her in the time he ventured over. He handed it to her, his gentle hands making sure her tired ones had a grasp on the glass before letting go, the mildest of touches graced her fingertips.

'His hands are warm.' She thinks to herself.

  He sits down on the couch next to her as she swallows the pills, downing half the glass as well. He laughs softly, no hesitation this time.

  "Should I look into purchasing you a water tower?" He jokes. She flashes him a smile and softly smacks his upper thigh.

  "What time is it?" She asks, and he flicks his watch up at him. She see finds herself for a split second studying his forearm, almost admiring its masculinity. 'Let's not be weird, ___.' She thinks, and her eyes avert.

  "Seven fifty-eight." He says, and she stretches before finding herself back where she was, their upper arms touching as she was just a little closer than before.

  "How long was I out? Time tends to blur together after the first day."

  He glances up at the ceiling for a moment, before turning his gaze to the TV that was on.

  "Hmmm, about four and a half hours I'd say. You passed out in the car, and it took a while to get you in. And you fought with me over offering you my bed."

  "Yeah, offering to let me crash in your bed is a little weird." She said, dryly.

  "Oh yes, God forbid I look out for one of my best friends that couldn't tell if something six inches from her face was within reach less than four hours ago." He almost upsettingly muttered, and relaxed once he glanced over and saw a small smile decorated upon her younger features. He watched for a moment as her eyes drifted closed, her seemingly lost in her own train of thought. He watched as her eyes opened once again and he quickly retrained his focus back onto the TV.

  "Thanks for taking me home and letting me stay here for a little while. I appreciate it, James." She said, her eyes trained on him again as he watches the TV. 'He seems to be so focused on the show. I wonder if he'd even notice if I left.'

  Her mention of his name had him trained on the way it left her lips. He doesn't know what, or why, but it failed to leave his mind.

  A click of the doorknob down the hall jolted her upwards.

  "Of course. I just hope you don't think you're going home yet." She turned around, to be greeted by the rugged features of her boss, as he made his way towards the two. The tap of his cane against the hardwood was a familiar noise that simultaneously relaxed her but kept her on edge.

  "Well, I have work at six in the morning. I should probably make my way home." She said, vaguely confused.

  "No you don't. Forced vacation. If you show up to the hospital for any reason for the next week other than to fawn at your old-man crush Doctor James Wilson, you're fired." He said, before walking towards them. She felt a hot flash radiate over body she became flustered with his words. 'He has a creative way of getting under my skin.' He motions for the two to part, as he plops down in between them. The words her boss spouted hardly even registered. It was just the generalized annoyance his presence brings in which she rolled her eyes.

  "Leave her alone. Someone in their twenties can be friends with someone in their forties. It's not a wild concept, House."

  "No. Only reason someone as attractive as her would befriend someone in their forties is because she's into old men. Someone to pay her debts from medical school because they've paid off their own."

  "House, seriously?" Wilson asked, dumbfounded. He could feel her shutting down from across the couch.

  "You're an ass." She says, and finds herself walking towards James room, in which she closes the door behind her.

  House glances over to his friend, whose lips have curled up into a smile.

  "You're good at that." Wilson says.

  "Annoying her so she will finally take care of herself for once? I've done it a time or two." House said to his friend.  "Besides. I need her. You may want her to be around but I actually need her. To save lives and stuff." House teased. Wilson scoffed.

  "Of course I like having her around. I mean, in the same regards I like having you around. I care about her, I'm going to want her to take care of herself."

  "Yeah, but you almost parent her. It's like a weird fatherly fetish."

  "This has nothing to do with our age difference of maybe ten years. She is twenty-nine. She is more than an adult and also, I do not parent her. I just want what is best for her. Same way I do that for you." James explained, but House wasn't biting that explanation, and neither was he.

  "Whatever. She's hot. You're like every other man and like to look without commitment. I'm sure if you asked she'd send you nudes so you can see more and stop pretending to care." House said. Wilson felt himself get frustrated with that comment.

  "I'm not like you, House. I can have real friendships, as well as ones with the opposite sex. So what if she's attractive? That doesn't matter to me. I mean yes, it's nice to... look. But for me not every relationship I foster is purely sexual." Wilson said, standing up, walking away from the couch.

  "Whatever helps you sleep at night!" House loudly called.

  "SHHHH! She's trying to sleep!"

147 hours prior.

  She awoke to the familiarly loud buzzing of her phone. Sitting up, she found her phone plugged in on the nightstand next to her. 'James must've plugged it in for me at some point while I was asleep.' She thought, and further noticed a glass of water once again on the nightstand as well as a bottle of Tylenol and a note.

  She glanced to see the caller identification was none other than her friend, Remy. She tiredly picked up the phone, and was greeted by the familiar voice.

  "Hey, how're you feeling?" Her soft voice asked through the phone. ___ sat upright, letting out a grunt as she did. Her body seemed to feel even heavier than when she was sleep deprived. ‘Waking up is going to be a bitch.’

“Tired. As fuck. I need to get up and around but I don’t know if I can muster the energy to. James bed is…. so comfy.”

“Well, good thing I’m right outside. We’re getting coffee.”

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 1

Summary: Adelaide Park meets Henry Cavill for the first time and she is obviously very nervous. 

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 3.5k

A/N: If you want to be on the taglist, just let me know. And please let me know what you guys think. I’d love to hear your thoughts about it 😘 

Masterlist // Introduction // Next chapter

I’ve never been to Italy before. Actually, before I was a renowned actress, I never came outside of LA. Growing up, my parents never had the money to go to a different city, let alone other countries. My vacations were spend solely in our small one room apartment back in Los Angeles by myself.

My parents were never rich. My dad worked long hours in a factory every single day, but earning just enough money to pay the rent and for me and mom to eat. One night, I saw him scraping the packages or our plats clean, so he had something to eat as well. After I saw that, I never ate all the food off my plate, because I realized that my dad was working the hardest, but was eating the least.

It always broke my heart to see both of them struggle. My mom used to be a cleaning lady, but after she got fired, she became a live-in nanny, which basically meant that from my sixth birthday, she was barely home anymore and I had to raise myself.

Hours on end I was alone. Back in school I barely had any friends—correction: I had no friends at all—and when I came home from school, I’d sit outside to do my homework, because dad didn’t have enough money to get a second set of keys.

I never complained about it, because I knew they were trying and I learned all too well from that one time when I asked for a Barbie doll back when I was five and I kept crying about it, because other kids had Barbie dolls and I was the only one who didn’t. My mom got so mad, that she grabbed my empty plate and threw it against the wall, while she was screaming something about how ungrateful I was. Mom never got mad, she was always admirably calm and collected, even when life got in the way like it did with us. Seeing her like this, meant she was serious and I never said anything about something like that anymore. I never asked for anything, at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and I am so thankful for everything they taught me and did for me. It may have been a hard time, but every year for my birthday, they gave me something. It was always something I really needed, but I always appreciated how they went out of their way for me, wondering how many meals they skipped for this present.

It all became worse when I finished high school at the age of nineteen. I was older than everyone else, since I read so slowly and didn’t even understand it most of the time, causing me to get behind on many classes over the course of the years. Besides, our school wasn’t known for having the best results overall, so the fact that I didn’t score well, meant I was blending in with the rest.

I was working in a diner, because I wasn’t smart enough at all for a scholarship, when my mom got in a terrible accident, when she walked back home and she was hit by a car who ran through a red light. She was paralyzed from her waist down and besides the high hospital bills, she also needed psychical therapy, something that unfortunately isn’t free.

With what my dad and I were earning together, we couldn’t even pay two percent of those costs. I was thinking about putting myself up on a sugar daddy website, but I know I couldn’t lie to them, when I would come back with a lot of money. Besides, my dad was always very strict about what mom and I could and couldn’t do to make money and sugar daddies were off limits. He told me multiple times—even after mom’s accident—that we had nothing to worry about. That he would take care of it.

But I had something to worry about, because my father wasn’t getting any younger. He had been working too hard for too long and all he wanted, was staying with his wife, who he still loved so so much, despite everything they had gone through. I took up more shifts at the diner, only slowly coming to terms that, even with the tips I was receiving, it was never enough to cover the bills.

In about two months, my mom would be discharged from the facility, if we hadn’t paid at least something significant.

One day, I was walking back home from work, when I saw a huge billboard, with a message that a studio was looking for someone to star in one of the biggest sitcoms of that time: Remembering High School. Apparently, one of the new main characters (who was an adult) was having a flashback from when they were in high school—the main premise of the show. And that character happened to be an Asian lady.

I went in and decided I would try it out. I mean, I had no acting experience and solely did it to earn some money, but being Asian American was apparently enough and that was the beginning of my acting career.

At first the amounts of money I made were not enough to cover the medical costs, but it was enough to delay further payment and my mom could stay in the facility.

For years I had difficulty with reading, let alone reading out loud, with an audience, but somehow on the set, I could forget about that. I could finally be someone I really wanted to be. For a few moments I could forget all the sorrows and worries I had resting on my shoulders.

The first five weeks, I’d combine my new acting career with my job in the diner, but after awhile I became a recurring character and for a whole year, I was part of the cast. I remember walking into my mom’s room, showing both her and my dad the first episode I was going to star in. ‘I’m from Minnesota,’ was my first line and the beginning of a very promising career.

My parents were so proud of me. My dad didn’t even care about the money I made at first, because he was so happy that I was doing something that from the looks of it, I actually enjoyed.

Over the years, I’ve come to love acting, but no one knows I do it because of my family. Actually no one knew about my family situation and since I have zero friends, even in the industry (because I barely talk about my personal life and I never budge, even when the try to pry information about it. My co-stars are acquaintances, almost like neighbors: you know one another, but you don’t know them), no one is aware that every penny I earn, goes directly to my family.

Nowadays I make millions, but I’m mainly spending it on my mom, but also on other people who are paralyzed and need psychical therapy, but were in the same boat as my family and my parents met over time in the facility. Money doesn’t mean a lot to me and these people can use it a lot better than I can.

Besides, my parents worked so hard for me growing up, this is the only way for me to pay them back. Despite not having any money themselves, nor stuff, they always taught me to share, to make sure that other people are well taken care off.

The flight from Japan to Italy moved along pretty quick, but maybe that’s because I was traveling first class. My latest movie took place in Japan and though I loved it there, I really want to see what Italy is like, after spending eight months in a lousy hotel in Japan.

After becoming an actress, I went to a lot of great places for shooting movies. I went to Suriname, Canada, Spain, Australia and this time it was Japan. I’m so blessed that I get to travel, knowing really well that other people are still struggling with what I used to struggle with. Sometimes I donate the earnings of a movie to movements that catch my eye, that help kids in certain areas of California with their school work, and with access of clothes and food. I always donate anonymously, not wanting to seem like a philanthropist who is doing this solely for her own image.

I always think that if you really care about something, you would do it without earning praises.

Participating on ‘The Celebrity Project’ wasn’t something I would normally do, but when they reached out to me, I was actually delighted that I was going to be part of this. Maybe I could finally show the world that I’m not as stupid as I appear in interviews.

Being a loner, a slow reader and probably has multiple learning disabilities (if I actually got tested, but the tests were too expensive and no one at school seemed to care and I’m actually too embarrassed to get myself tested now I’m a twenty-five year old), I often come off as an airhead and it’s my own fault really. I do give them enough stupid material to go on about that accusation.

However, I’m really nervous. I mean, I’m going to work together with Henry Cavill. He is charming and sounds so intelligent. When I was done filming and back at my hotel room, I’d watch his interviews, because I wanted to know what I was going to work with. The way he is so articulate and he obviously knows what he is doing, makes me feel even worse about myself. I’m a total disaster and already a burden to him I presume.

I’m sitting in a taxi, waiting for traffic to calm down a bit. It’s early in the mornings and thankfully I got to make myself a bit more presentable in the plane already. I notice the tiny camera’s being strategically placed in the car. It really begun, I think to myself. I’m part of a reality show now. ‘How are you feeling, miss Park?’ the taxi driver asks. ‘I recently heard about this program.’

‘I’m a bit nervous,’ I say, wondering whether or not he is payed to to talk to me about this. I rummage through my purse, hoping I can find my lip balm.

‘Are you looking forward to work with Henry Cavill?’

That name alone makes me nearly make me shit my pants already. ‘Yeah, he seems like a nice man, so I really look forward to work with him.’ And I sure as hell hope that I won’t let him down.

The drive to the hotel is about an hour, but it feels like time is going by a whole lot faster.  The chauffeur talks about his family and how his wife is actually a fan of my movies and has watched every single one of them. I took a few pictures with him and signed the inside of the cracker box, because that was all he got with him for me to write something on.

After I said goodbye to him, I’m told that I should go to room 346. With my suitcases with me, I step into the elevator, a cameraman close by. They told me that at one point, these cameramen would just be invisible to me, but I highly doubt it. They are only with us during the assignments. In the cars and at the place where we’re staying, the camera’s are hidden.

When I’m in front of the door, I take a deep breath.

I can do this I think to myself. I have starred alongside other talented people. My first real role was playing Keanu Reeves’ daughter, I was Angela Bassett’s assistant and I also had some pretty steamy scenes with David Castañeda, after his Umbrella Academy days. I can handle being around Henry Cavill, right? I knock on the door three times and I open it a bit, peeking my head around the door.

I can conclude that I’m severely underdressed. I’m wearing a simply jean short, white crop top with some lace on the borders and socks with the same lace details as my top, paired with white sneakers.

I look like a slob, compared to Henry, who seems like he stepped out of a Disney movie.  His white blouse, off-white pants and those loafers. The only thing that is missing, is his yacht with the name Serenity.

A smile creeps up on my face, as I step into the room, rolling my pink suitcases with me, because he actually looks approachable.

‘Hi there,’ he says with a small smile on his face. He walks up to me, holding out his hand. ‘I’m Henry, nice to meet you.’

I can’t help but blush. He is so charming and his accent makes him so posh. I place my hand in his and it almost disappears. Not to be that girl, but my size kink is activated right here and now. ‘Adelaide,’ I say. ‘Uhm, it’s nice to meet you… Too.’

I curse my tongue.

‘How was your flight?’ he asks, as he gestures to the couch for us to sit on.

I take place right next to him and I feel like a child sitting next to her dad. Why is he so massive? ‘It was okay. Yours?’

‘It flew by.’

I raise my eyebrows. ‘Was that… a pun?’

Henry chuckles nervously. ‘Maybe, I’m sorry.’

I look around me. The hotel room seems okay, but I bet we’re not going to stay here for long. I stare at the silver tray in front of us, with a set of keys and an envelope with our names on it.

Henry takes the envelope from the tray and holds it in front of me. ‘You want to read it?’

I shake my head. ‘No, you go.’ The whole idea of reading out loud without practice, makes me want to vomit. Before the table reads, I use this program that will read everything for me, even using the right intonation. I stay up for way too many hours for that, because once I’ve heard it, I made notes, I can better read it.

Back when I was doing ‘Remembering High School’ I had the woman who played the adult version of me read it to me, because I had to portray the young her and keep her character in mind. Since she was an established character on the show, she had certain ways of saying things I had to copy. She never knew the real reason I wanted her to read it out loud for me.

He cocks an eyebrow, but then opens the envelope. He clears his throat, before a dramatic reading of our first assignment rolls out of his mouth. How can he make a simple note sound so… Sensual, almost? His deep and dark voice, making it sound way more intense than it actually is. I wouldn’t mind if he read my scripts out loud for me.

‘Dear Adelaide and Henry, the adventure of ‘The Celebrity Project’ has officially started,’ he says, tilting the card a little, so I can read a little bit with him. It’s a nice gesture really and I appreciate the thought. ‘We have provided you with a nice car, to drive to the little cottage, specially arranged for the two of you. Tomorrow will be a nice day for you to relax (because you two are both severely jet lagged we presume) and the day after that, you’ll be expected for your first assignment. Enjoy the car ride and remember: look out of your window every now and then. We are aware that Henry is really handsome, Adelaide and you’ll be forced to only look at him, but nature can be beautiful too.’

I scrunch up my nose. That last sentence seemed so forced and this is exactly the reason why I don’t like these types of survival, borderline reality shows. It’s not reality. It’s this forced setting, hoping to get people to believe that this is how real life should look like.

And I don’t like deceiving people like that. I almost regret participating.

‘Right, well, we might as well just go,’ he says, his tone flat, maybe just as annoyed with that last sentence as I am. Probably even more so.

◎ ◎ ◎

Why is there a pink carseat in the passengers seat? I mean, I’m not the tallest, but I’m definitely not that tiny. I look around us, only to see no member of the crew around. This is great. I want to take the seat out, because I don’t want to sit on it, but it’s securely fastened and only with a different set of keys, I can undo it.

And of course I don’t have that.

I really regret being here.

However, I still sit on the carseat, because I don’t want to sit in the back because I’ll get carsick and when I see Henry’s cocked eyebrows and a poorly hidden smirk, I simply say: ‘Don’t.’

Okay, maybe I do understand why they put me on a carseat, because this man looks so enormous and otherwise I’m simply non existent. He starts the car and simply drives off. I don’t know whether or not I should say something to him, because I feel like we should talk.  I mean, that’s why the camera’s are here right?

‘What is your newest movie about?’ Henry asks.

‘About a woman escaping from her past and she moves to Japan, when one day an old friend becomes her new manager,’ I say.

‘Romantic comedy?’

‘Of course.’

He nods. ‘You don’t get tired of doing those?’ he asks.

Yes, I do get a bit tired of them, but there are two things: for starters, just like those romance books (that I would buy my mom one for her birthday every year, because I knew how much she loved those), romantic comedies sell really good. And no one wants me for something else. I feel like directors don’t trust me with big roles, like Rose in Titanic or someone else major. Besides, I’m Asian American, when was the last time one of us got a major part in a movie that’s not a romantic comedy?

But I don’t want to seem ungrateful and it’s a nice stream of money coming in every time and that’s basically all I want.

‘No,’ I say. ‘It’s okay. You shot something new… new movie… Right?’ For fuck sake, Adelaide, you were doing so well.

‘I did, actually,’ he says. ‘It’s something I’m very excited for. It’s more of a dramatical part.’ I listen to Henry, as he is talking about this movie. How he plays a single dad, trying to figure out this parenting part with his daughter, when his brother and sister-in-law pass away and he has to take in four monsters of boys in his house. The way he talks about this, I notice a shimmer in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he apologizes. ‘I let myself go there for a second. It’s just I’m really excited about this movie.’

‘No, I get it,’ I say, as I look out of the window. I let out a deep sigh, as we drive over the sandy roads. Before I can say something else (as if I knew what), Henry hits the break and like the cliches in the movies, he holds out his arm in front of me, as the car comes to a halt.

There are four dogs and one owner on the road and the man screams something in Italian to us. Clearly we were supposed to stop for him. ‘Shit, sorry,’ Henry mumbles, as if the man could hear that.

His warm hand dropped to my bare thigh and with my pointer finger I tap him on the back of his hand. ‘Excuse me,’ I say.

‘Oh no, terrible sorry,’ he says quickly, retracting his hand. ‘What do you think the cottage will look like?’ Henry asks, when he pulled up again, not driving as fast as he did before.

Shrugging I play with my water bottle. ‘I don’t know, but I think I know one thing.’

It takes me a while before I can get the words out of my mouth, but Henry doesn’t force me to say anything, by asking something like: ‘Care to let me in?’ He actually lets me find the words and it feels nice not to be rushed into saying something.

‘I bet there is one bed that is large and comfortable. However, there is also one uncomfortable couch, too small for you. So people want to see whether or not you are a… gentleman and offer to sleep on the couch.’

‘You think?’ he asks frowning. ‘A bit far fetched, don’t you think?’

When we arrive at the tiny cottage, we walk inside. It’s nice decorated, warm colors mixed with nice hints of different pastel colors. My eye falls on the very uncomfortable looking couch that is pretty tiny if Henry is supposed to be sprawled out on that, but we don’t know what the rest looks like.

After a small tour through the house, we have come to the conclusion that there is indeed only one bed. I look over my shoulder, my eyes meeting Henry’s. ‘See?’

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @jolly-polly​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @maan24​ // @diegos-butt​ / @agniavateira​ // 

[igettoranthere]

So I was talking to my mom about how the One Day at a Time reboot is a good kids show and she went “oh no, that’s not a kids show” and I said “it’s at least a pre-teen show” to which she said that it was too vulgar and the tone was off. Which shook me because it’s the same tone as every other family sitcom & does not have any cursing or explicit language. And then she said there’s too many innuendos and stuff like that but I mentioned Full House definitely had innuendos and Jesse was pretty much a horn dog til he married Becky.

But apparently, no, I’m wrong they’re different: even though they both hit similar topics on their shows. One was just from another time ago and was more conservative than today. But when my brother talked about other innuendos in kids shoes and movies that we’ve all watched as a family and loved, she said that my siblings and I should be sent to boarding school because “how could we not know the difference between what is appropriate and what’s not appropriate.”

I’m over 20 years old, all my siblings are legal adults, and when we question our mom she doesn’t get that sometimes what is right and wrong is not so black and white and that maybe, just maybe, she might be wrong.

[smartguyreviewed]

2x6 - Trial and Error

Original air date: Oct 15, 1997

Okay, so we begin this infuriating episode with Floyd coming home and calling out for his biological children. None of them are home. Except for Mo. Mo broke into the house. No, seriously. He broke into the house and started eating somebody’s leftovers. Now in any other case, this would warrant a passionate ass whooping and a call to the parents of this child because what the fuck are you doing so wrong to have your son breaking into houses and not stealing anything except for food? However, this is sitcom world and Floyd just seems more annoyed than anything since Mo is always there anyway.

Mo tells Floyd he needs to be more careful about locking the windows. So linebacker ass Mo really needed to eat and somehow oozed through a window just to get food? Ok, I take back what I said about him needing his ass kicked. Mo is clearly malnourished even though he’s huge. His parents must be poor and therefore can’t afford to feed him. Holy shit was that dark. Moving on. 

Food and TJ’s brain are the reasons for his crime. His parents are going to kill him if he brings home another D. This is really helping me build a theory that Mo’s parents are abusive, so let’s assume his parents are literal this time about the kill thing. Floyd then realizes that Mo’s punishment would equal him not being over again to eat up their food and casually break in so he tells Mo that TJ joined the Marines. Nice, Floyd.

Just then, the rest of Floyd’s flock comes in babbling about who got what part in a play. TJ is naturally upset because he wanted a bigger role, still not getting used to the idea that he’s a 10 year old and unless he’s playing the role of a character with dwarfism, it wouldn’t make sense for him to have a huge part. TJ storms off in a huff. Typical TJ things.

The next day, everyone is atwitter over a test from their more over it than Lisa Simpson teacher. This man wants all of his students to fail. He hates his students. He’s a teacher and yet he hates teaching. Maybe this is the wrong profession for you, bruh? And it’s evident his ‘over it’ level is on a million from the way he comes in and tells his class to “get ready to hate me.” The deadpan, dry delivery was funny though. 

His first task is to give his students an assignment so hard that even he doesn’t know all the answers. Um, why? If you don’t know the answers, how are you gonna grade the tests? Isn’t this just creating more work for you, someone who already hates his job? Why the fuck does Piedmont hire such bad teachers and faculty, dammit?

Even TJ is intimidated by this test! Mo asks Mr. Bringleman why stuff from another chapter he previously said wouldn’t be on the test is on the test. He simply says he lied. This man is evil. I hated teachers who did that bitch ass shit. Yes, I only studied for what you said was going to be on the test because I have other classes too, ya know. I’m a teenager, not a machine!

I’m just gonna call him Mr. B for the rest of this review because fuck this most likely racist white man. His ass was listening to the boys talking about how hard the test was and then Mo says he wishes he could do to Mr. B what he does to all of them. Mr. B asks if he’s threatening him and Mo stammers. Then Mr. B insults his intelligence by asking if he ever has a complete thought. Before he can even fix his mouth to call him the N word, not Linda Ellerbee shows up to see what’s going on. Oh yeah, and she’s the new principal. She’s the third one so far and this is only the first half of the second season.

Anyways, she needs someone to cover a class and outright forces him to do it. Ha-ha. When the boys laugh at him, Mr. B says he’s going to grade Mo’s test. Nice, I just love seeing teachers bully students.

At the play rehearsal, TJ is still campaigning for a lead role. Mackey has to be the one to humble him, asking for duct tape. Marcus’s play related arc in this episode is pursuing acting seriously in case music doesn’t work out. His part has no lines so he’s trying to act with his face. He can just feel the SAG membership card in his hands.

Just then, Yvette bursts in wearing a Prince-inspired outfit and lets everyone know there was a fire in the chem lab. Dun du--pause. Why the fuck is she telling everyone? Wouldn’t they have had a fire drill? Are there no fire alarms in this blasted school? How the fuck did nobody know about it or smell smoke and why is Yvette bursting in like the town crier in this Purple Rain ass outfit???

All the students are happy until Linda Ellerbee hands Mo his charred playbook and asks him to come into her office. Dun dun dun. Later we find out that Mo was expelled. Because he is an abused child who only feels safe at the Hendersons, Mo has once again broke into their house and begun working out in their garage. Floyd is over it.

TJ comes home and talks to Mo. He is sad to learn that nobody thinks he’s innocent but says that TJ has to believe him because he has the “wide-eyed innocence of a child.” He follows this up with shitty examples of kids trusting adults who end up being assholes. Once they finally get on a good example, TJ is able to see that Mo is innocent and decides to help Mo get back into school.

The next day, TJ is in the principal’s office waiting for Linda Ellerbee. She has mice in her office because Piedmont is the worst public school ever and is resorting to playing the Spice Girls to get them out. Is that supposed to be a diss to the Spice Girls? Fuck anyone who disses the Spice Girls.

Sis is not budging when it comes to letting Mo back in the school. Sounds like a job for TJ’s cuteness and persistence! He gets her to agree to a mock trial where Mo would have to come back to the school. I...whatever. Order in the courtroom!

TJ is Mo’s defense. The opposinjg side calls Marcus to the stand so we already know this will end in disaster. It takes less than a minute for Marcus to admit that Mo threatened Mr. B. Ugh! Stupid Marcus. But he doesn’t even do the worst on the stand. Mo actually manages to fuck it all up! Marcus and TJ are trying to paint Mo out to be, what the kids today would call it, a “punk ass bitch.” Rather than play along and accept it, dumb ass Mo puts his stupid, fragile masculinity ahead of his chance to get back into school and says that he follows through on all threats. Once he realizes his gaffe, he immediately sits his ass down. Yvette is annoyed.

Vice principal Millitch, who will later replace Linda Ellerbee in one of the only sensical things I’ve seen regarding Piedmont, qualifies that Mo’s playbook was found at the scene next to Mr. B’s burnt gradebook. It was nice knowing ya, Mo. We know how the legal system works.

So then the loser teacher gets on the stand and tries to make it seem like he doesn’t intentionally make his students suffer by giving them ridiculously hard tests and lying about what’s even going to be on the test. To him, Mo is just a stupid, violent nigger so of course he’d want to commit a crime instead of studying harder. And then he lays it on thicker by insulting his intelligence again, explaining what the word combust means in the most smug ass, irritating way. It’s fucked up upon re-watch but at least it’s super realistic how predominately black public schools get racist white teachers often. They’re usually there for the tuition reimbursement.

TJ is now realizing that he may not be able to help Mo out of this jam. While eating dinner, Yvette comes in and apologizes for her lateness, saying the trial is over and now the school can continue with the play rehearsals. She tells an adamant TJ that Mr. B, also assuming the trial’s conclusion, was chain smoking cigarettes and humming “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Floyd is appalled at the latter. TJ’s gears begin shifting. Side note but doesn’t Mr. B just look like a miserable ass teacher who smokes in the classroom?

TJ and Mo break into the school. Geez, so much trespassing in this episode! Mo isn’t even worried about being caught because what are they gonna do, “expel him from college?” Slapstick ensues while TJ collects samples from the gradebook. Mo, on the other hand, is battling a mouse trap. I was super high when I watched this last night but this scene had me in stitches. Omar Gooding is really good with physical comedy. Look, even TJ gets stuck to him when they’re leaving! Priceless!

At court the next morning, TJ calls Mr. B to the stand. He brilliantly examines him and exposes him for smoking in the classroom, which was the actual cause for the fire. This man is fucking evil! He was actually about to get away with very possibly ruining a teenager’s life until a fucking 10 year old stepped in and dug deeper. He could have seriously gotten him disowned by his parents, making him homeless, forcing him to turn to the streets for survival. All because he’s an asshole and didn’t have the heart to own up to what he did. Hell, it’s fucking Piedmont! I’m sure they would have kept him!

Seeing as he just gets sent to Linda’s office, he’s most likely getting a slap on the wrist and paid vacation leave. Oh well. Also frustratingly realistic. At least Mo isn’t expelled anymore. Too bad Mo’s unwashed hands are still sticky when he shakes the principal’s hand and the joke continues.

At the end, Marcus gets bumped up to the illustrious Juror #2. Gotta love a true thespian! Case dismissed. Bring out the dancing lobsters.

Things I noticed:

- Stinky Steve is Mr. B’s defense.

- Piedmont has no respect for their students’ time. The mock trial began at 8am. Assuming that their school day begins at 9am, I bet the play participants probably hate TJ for forcing them to get up an hour earlier than normal, on top of having to do the play after school.

[vanxcks]

and a movie

Abed Nadir lives in LA now, and there's something they still haven't done.

Word count: 1766

AO3 link in notes

“I want to make a movie.” Abed says it abruptly. It’s the reason he came, after all. And it’s important to make your point early in the conversation; otherwise it runs away from you.

“You know I’m not a producer, right?” his friend asks.

“I know that. But I wanted to be able to air the idea out. See if it’s Hollywood-ready. I know what I’m doing, but a second opinion can’t hurt. Besides, you seem to have some success.”

His friend laughs. “I mean, a couple movies in, I guess my opinion counts.” Abed cracks a smile. “What’s it about?”

“Friends. Not the show. Friends of mine. Old friends, actually. From before I moved here.”

“A movie based on your friends?”

“I was thinking my friends could be in it, actually.”

“So, a biopic?”

“Yes. I could document some portion of their lives.”

“You mean it would be a documentary.”

Abed pauses and then says, “Technically, yes, but six seasons and a documentary doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“Sorry?”

“Nothing.”

Abed doesn’t have a roommate, but he does have friends. People that he hangs out with regularly—going out to dinner after work, having movie nights where they all bring different snacks. They have bad taste in movies, but so does he. He’s the first to admit Kickpuncher isn’t a masterpiece. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have his costume hanging in his closet for emergencies.

Or non-emergencies. But only if they involve watching the movie alone at two in the morning and acting out the scenes as they go. Those are acceptable.

In high school, he didn’t think he’d ever have any friends. He thought he was stuck in the underdog role, the nerd that got his books knocked out of his arms, the kid that no one wanted to be partners with. Although Abed had never actually gotten his books knocked out of his arms. He thought it was a ridiculous trope. He’d fit into the rest of the categories though.

At some point at Greendale, he’d thought he would never again have friends like the study group. These were the days, the short period that would change their lives forever. The period that they would eventually have to leave behind, but that nothing would ever measure up to again. He’d expected to spend the rest of his shallow life thinking back to these four (five, six) years with his found family. As it turns out, though, tv shows are short because of budget, because of the inability of writers to churn out more, because of low viewership. And just because they’re short doesn’t mean there isn’t more to the story. He’s happy now. He’s comfortable.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a picture of that first halloween up on his bulletin board, though.

“So, what exactly would this documentary be about?”

Abed cocks his head. “I don’t know. It would be about them. It would be about them and...I guess it would be a little bit like Friends, except funnier. I mean, the relationship and drama of it. Although the emotional bits were always my least favorite. I liked the action episodes the best.”

“The action episodes from Friends?”

“No, from when I was at Greendale.”

“Oh, sorry, yes, the episodes from when you were at Greendale,” his friend says, and Abed can tell it’s sarcasm, but he can also tell that it’s not mean.

Abed nods. “Yes. Maybe I should do something more whimsical, like that. It’s not exactly in the sitcom format, but the show never was.”

“And by whimsical, you mean…”

“Oh, you know, paintball fights, eerily accurate homages, the like. Genre-bending stuff.”

“That’s what college was like for you?”

“I told you,” Abed says. “Genre-bending stuff.”

--

Everyone still keeps in touch. Annie visits the most. She’s happy, and he’s glad he told her to take a forensics class. It’s better for her.

She visits and she asks how he’s doing (well), what he’s doing (he’s working on his portfolio before he starts trying to get a big title—it’s an important step), and where his new dreamatorium is (he doesn’t have one. He’s grown past the need for childish things like that. He doesn’t need a designated room for rendering imaginations. He’s an adult. He can do it anywhere in his house now.)

Annie’s doing well, too. She had to intern for a few years, but now she’s properly training at the FBI Academy. (“Basically, I’m, like, really fit now,” she says and laughs. “And they let me carry a gun.”

“But you already had a gun.”

“What? No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. Troy and I found it in your bag when you moved in.”

“You searched my bag?”)

--

Abed and Troy talk to each other sometimes, when Troy has cell service. It’s not often.

Troy didn’t bring a DVD player (which is ridiculous, Abed should have helped him pack), but he did manage to buy a crappy portable one from one of the places he’d stopped for fuel and food. Every several weeks they call, put the same DVD in, and then count down to play. Troy’s movie is always scratchy and terrible, so it’s awkward (“Pause. No, wait, play...oh no, it’s lagging again. Did it just skip over a scene? Pause.”) They dress up and make popcorn, and a couple of times they even made a blanket fort like back at Greendale.

Troy has been on his trip for longer than any of them had expected, but that’s what happens, right? And that has to be okay. He’ll be back eventually, and Abed is okay with that.

Troy says he’s been making music. It makes sense. He’d always liked writing raps for the two of them.

--

Britta visits often too. Mostly to detail him on the rampant racism and misogyny in the film industry. (“You work with these people? Abed, I can’t believe you. Do you understand the history behind this? These people have been silencing voices for decades. Blackface, yellowface, and don’t even get me started on the women’s roles in a lot of these movies.”

“They’re good movies.”

“Yes, but the impact of them on our society is astronomical!”)

He knows about all of it, anyway—he’s a muslim and half-arab man watching movies made in the twentieth century. It’s difficult not to notice the bigotry. But he knows she means well. And he likes it when she visits.

Abed shows her the neighborhood. It’s small and busy and feels like a movie set, probably because it is the movie set. He’d seen so many stories told in Los Angeles. Being here is amazing. They go to a coffee shop, and she drinks coffee while he eats a cupcake. Then, they go for burgers.

-- New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Props

How much would it cost me to get enough paintball guns to stage a school-wide fight if the school had about one thousand people in it? Try and get back soon.

New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Re: Props

Disregard the paintball guns. It’s been done too many times.

--

Shirley visits the least, although he knows that she wishes she could come more. (“I’m so sorry,” she says, “I just wish I could take care of all of you, but my babies take up so much of my time.” Then, “did you know that Ben Benjamin took his first steps last week?”

“Yes. You sent me a video, remember?”

“Oh, yes. Wasn’t it nice?”

“Very nice.”)

She bakes for him. She bakes for all of them, actually, since she always makes them send pictures of themselves with the food to the group chat. It’s not like it was. She knows her worth, and she knows that they need her. “I just like to take care of you, is all,” she’d said. They sit at the table and eat. Shirley doesn’t like silence. Which is nice, because it means that she’ll listen to him talk for hours. He can’t always tell if she’s getting bored, but she doesn’t outright stop him, and that’s nice. She thinks everything is nice.

--

New Message To: dharmon@gmail.com Subject: Re: Props

How about a vat of lava?

--

Jeff doesn’t visit the most out of all of them, but he does stay the most in touch. He’s still at Greendale, the only one other than Britta. They’re still trying to keep the school running. Britta started a bartending class, which is ironic because Britta is terrible at bartending. But being incompetent is part of Greendale’s charm, isn’t it?

When Jeff comes to visit, he wants to watch Abed’s documentaries. They’re getting good. Jeff thinks so too, and Jeff would say if he thought they were bad. Abed likes that about Jeff—he says what he thinks. Except for the sarcasm. And the lawyering.

The point is, Jeff rarely lied to them.

He does critique everything except the filmmaking, though. He jokes about Abed’s friends, about his boss, about the logo for the coffee shop at the corner of the street. He gets distracted by every conventionally attractive woman that comes on-screen, too.

“Hey, you’re doing all of this documentary filming, Abed,” he said, during his last visit.

“Yeah?” Abed pressed pause.

“Remember when you would film us? Make all those movies? Like when Pierce tried to fake his goddamn death, and you wouldn’t put down your camera even when we were all having breakdowns? Or when the dean made that commercial, and you wouldn’t put the camera down because of his breakdown?”

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

Jeff paused, and Abed turned a little to stare at him. “I don’t know. It was fun.”

“You’re right.” Abed’s brow creased. “It was fun.”

Jeff didn’t reply, so Abed pressed play again.

--

It takes a lot more planning, but Abed eventually cobbles together some things. A ragged film crew. The equipment he needs. He isn’t sure what he’s going to do with this, once it’s done. Sell it? Keep it on his shelf, along with his other documentaries? Their adventures had always seemed like too much to keep from an audience.

He types out the email a few times, many times, because he’s not sure it’s right, because it’s too long, because it’s too brief, because it’s too cliche, too plot-twist-slash-sequel-slash-unecessary-renewal. In the end, though, he deletes the whole thing and just writes what he wants to say.

--

New Message To: brittaperry@hotmail.com, jwinger@greendale.edu, troyisawesome@gmail.com, shirleybennet@yahoo.com, aedison@gmail.com Subject:

Hi,

I want to make a movie.

A/N:  i binged this show on netflix during quarantine and it absolutely destroyed me. i immediately opened up a document to write a fix it before realising that there wasn't anything to fix, really. i just wasn't used to show creators actually knowing how to write, so props to dan harmon for that, i guess. i have a bunch more fic ideas, so i'll definitely get to work posting them soon!! thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment and/or kudos if you liked it! (all email addresses in this fic are either fake and made up or blatant and obnoxious references to the show! you'll never know)

[ceasarslegion]

Not to be "i was born in the wrong generation 😫👌" on main because I really wasn't and I would not go back in time because shit was fucked and still is and I like the internet and next gen video games too much but I do wish we continued the media trends of the 80s through a more progressive lens

There were special things for teenagers, about teenage stuff. Adolescence had its niche with issues that effect them. I might as well have not existed to the media when I was a teenager, because the only age groups people cared about were children and adults. MAYBE there were a few things for like, 12-14 year olds, but that still leaves a massive maturity gap where nothing really fits. I got over the "puberty feels weird" shit as fast as that sentiment clicked, and had to seek out any media that went beyond that from the past. I had no Ferris Bueller or Breakfast Club, because nobody seemed to care about a huge portion of the world population, and that was a lonely feeling. Sitcoms like Family Ties had teenage characters like Alex, who was stuck between his own immaturity and his desire to be an adult who was taken seriously, and Mallory, who was in a state of discovery about her sexuality and the way her personality was forming. Yeah, there were some dicey themes and jokes that aged like milk, but that's why I say progressive lens. Get rid of the shitty comments and that episode where Alex was pretty much groomed by an older college student for laughs, and it's an area we could use more of today. It's also why 80s teen tv and movies remains one of my favourite, um... genres? Modes?? Trends??? Who fuckin knows, fam. It's one of my favourite somethings.

And just... the absolute chaos that some stories were. I'm getting kind of tired of films and shows that Take Themselves Seriously. Everything has to be dark, and dingy, and if it's not Oscar bait, then it gets torn to shreds by rotten tomatoes and never sees the light of day. I'm not anti-seriousness or anything, it's just TIRING when that's the ONLY thing that ever seems to come out now. There's comedy films, but there's nothing like Teen Wolf, which is just balls-to-the-wall wack and totally unapologetic about it. When did we stop making shit like that?? Like, fuck it, make a movie about a basketball-playing werewolf, it's fun!! I don't care if it's academy award material or if it counts as whatever your shallow definition of "art" is now, sometimes I just wanna have fun when I'm consuming an entertainment industry. There's nothing wrong with serious emotional movies, but when they permeate the market to such an extent that you have to grasp to whatever bland-ass comedy that gets released every 4 years for some semblance of emotionally-undemanding fun, then it's too much imo. Even shit like Death of Stalin, which I love, by the way, is just so serious and comprehensive in the way it presents its own fun. What happened to shit like Teen Wolf? Like Jurassic Park? I mean, we have more film technology than we ever have, so fuck it, make a dinosaur theme park. Get over yourselves, not everything has to be Oscar bait or a gritty remake because y'all became so blinded by profit that you lost all creativity and have to resort to copying what's already been done.

Anyway, rant over.

[arecomicsevengood]

AGING ALTERNATIVES

We live in a culture that worships the large-scale spectacle of the obvious. Partly because of this, the most affecting thing a person can do is something with a large amount of effort behind it, delivered to a small audience: An elaborate meal cooked for a loved one, a labored-over zine in an edition of ten. But of course, time has this great leveling effect, and attempting something large scale can easily crash and burn, and in so doing become something only for a limited audience.

There is an ongoing conversation being had about older comics but they are almost always superhero comics, with some weird eighties genre trash thrown in. This conversation includes a great many alternative cartoonists, but it is very rare for a forgotten art comic to slide its way into the discussion. There’s numerous reasons for this: The larger the print run, the larger the chance a work will find its way to a bargain bin. But also, artists are competitive, and largely inclined to promote themselves or their peers. Once an artist is no longer producing work, they are rarely championed.

Obviously, not everyone finds their way into “the canon,” but you would think that work intended to be somewhat personal would end up being valued enough by individual people that you’d hear about it now and again. The case for alternative comics is the same as it ever was: It’s an artistic medium that can do anything, and it’s released in the fairest most egalitarian way, via mass production, for it to find people who will support it. The art is immediately striking in a way that gives it an edge over the written word, but it’s distributed to shops across America rather than galleries, and so should have long life after its initial release. Of course, the vision falters due to the reality that most of what gets produced is pretty bad, and not really expressing anything particularly unique or individual, and this only goes unspoken at the time of a work’s release due to admiration for the amount of labor that nonetheless went into it.

But what ends up happening in retrospect is this thing where banal superhero work gets reevaluated, with certain aesthetic decisions dictated by the technology of the time (like the coloring) becoming romanticized and recognized as things of beauty, while tons of black and white comics made by people who were desperately trying to push the medium forward and make something that works as art or literature get tarred with a blanket dismissal, associated with either the indulgences of the highest-profile practitioners or simply casualties of their pitiful attempts at graphic design. Only the small handful of practitioners whose publishers have steadily championed them and kept their work in print get to escape this fate. But obviously, if you’re working at something risky, you might end up working with publishers who are not economically viable in the long term, or, if they are, it’s because they’re being subsidized by projects way more commercial than yours.

There’s plenty of stuff which had a large enough print run for copies to be found, but functionally exist at the level of visibility of a zine. But, while I might be interested in extending the same amount of charity I would to someone making work with no hope of commercial success, to engage with the work honestly means that the fact that it was attempting to find its place in the world of commerce must be taken into consideration when thinking about the goals it set out to fulfill. That so much fails to meet these commonly-held goals can make one feel pretty depressed about the medium, and maybe this is another reason for people to avert their eyes: When you’re talking about superhero comics of a certain vintage, while they might not have attempted to be art, at least the people making them got paid.

Obviously, The Comics Journal has been fighting this fight for decades. I am sure all of the books I am going to write about, they have already covered, and they probably came to the same conclusions, and depending on the writer, they might’ve been more entertaining to read than I will be. But I want to offer these reconsiderations in light of all the other reconsiderations being made, that are coming to the opposite conclusion of what The Comics Journal would’ve. It is easy to look back at the 1980s now and say, for instance, that Elektra Assassin is a better comic book than American Splendor.  There’s a discrepancy between what is the best work being produced at a given historical moment and what is the most exciting scene to be a part of. I like to think if I had been writing for the Comics Journal in the early nineties, I wouldn’t have gone all-in praising Palookaville, but I get that in the moment it would’ve felt important to do so. Now, of course, there is very little that feels exciting at all, in the context of real-world community, due to the global pandemic. This is an incredibly lonely moment, and nostalgia has a powerful allure.

But I’d like to ensure the nostalgia we feel compels us to fight for what’s human, rather than allow us to simply surrender our past to the colonizing forces of corporate interests. In the interest of the human, I will not make any grandiose claims for the works I’m writing about. I’m not describing anything as a masterpiece. These instead fulfill the humble virtues of being charming, cool, interesting. They didn’t upend my value system of what the comics medium could be. But, since it was all of the Picturebox releases that shifted my perspective on comics on its axis when I was in college that caused me to ignore some of this stuff, that its virtues can endure after such a flip is itself notable. Anyway, I have no reason to have written such a long preamble. I could’ve easily just made separate posts for each comic I wanted to talk about, but all this additional context seemed important to me to articulate. All of these are books I bought online over the past few months.

Shuck Unmasked, by Rick Smith and Tania Menesse

Feel like the main thing holding this comic back is a certain lack of joie de vivre to its line. There’s a certain cuteness to its designs that seems reminiscent of Jeff Smith or Goodbye Chunky Rice era Craig Thompson but it’s a little bit stiff in ways those cartoonists aren’t. The mask Shuck wears resembles the face Chester Brown draws himself having in Paying For It. I feel like this is maybe the only comic I’ve seen that frequently has dialogue that’s misspelled in an attempt to capture phonetic dialect and presents that through lettering that feels like a font. There’s a sense of being rounded instead of being scratchy, a lushness that feels hinted at, but also tamped down. There’s a literary flavor to it, an attention to the language, a deliberate and delicate sense of stately melancholy that’s present.

The Shuck of the title is a demon, living on Earth, tasked with making sure the dead don’t escape the afterlife and roam around. Despite his horned form, he’s able to wear the mask of an old man, and fit in with his neighbors, which include a little girl, with whom he develops a bond. There’s a gentle quality to it, but also a sense of darkness that prevents it from being cloying, an interest in the esoteric that suggests the profound. The premise could be a recipe for sitcom-ish stasis, but actually the status quo shifts quite a bit, over the course of these self-published comics, collected into a book by Top Shelf.  It feels like each individual chapter should be reread a few times before proceeding on; the chapters have a nice density to them. That’s the funny thing about a lack of velocity to the line, it suggests a studiousness with which to approach it, but doesn’t invite the eye to return to it. Two issues of a sequel were self-published afterwards, I would read those.

Tales Of Woodsman Pete, by Lilli Carré

I’ve heard a couple people call Lilli Carré the best cartoonist of her generation. The first time I heard it said, I had never read anything by her, but I was struck by the assertion because there’s so many heavy hitters in that cohort I’m not comfortable making such declarations about anyone. There’s a collection of Carré’s short stories I’ve checked out from the library, but I found that collection inconsistent, with notable highs that didn’t still didn’t quite bowl me over. This could be partly an issue of format - Few cartoonists of Carré’s generation have a short story collection of their work available, and it might not be the best way to examine the work and see its strengths.

(A sidenote irrelevant to the larger thrust of this conversation - I started keeping a google doc of what years cartoonists were born, and have a my own idea of “generations” of cartoonists in terms of whose work it makes sense to consider alongside one another. 1960-1967 is one cohort, then 1968-1975, then 1976-1982, then 1983-some point unclear to me at this point, there’s a generational divide for sure but I don’t yet know the rules of it. I lump Carré in with Eleanor Davis, Dash Shaw, and Michael Deforge, rather than the slightly older group which includes Kevin Huizenga, CF, and Sammy Harkham. That’s not to say the people championing Carre are making the same distinctions, these generational lines are weird and arbitrary and some people are “on the cusp” and everyone chooses their own peers to a certain extent. However, I do think these generations are important or useful to think about, in terms of who came up with access to alternative newspaper strip jobs vs. the Xeric Grant vs. Tumblr, and it’s just generally interesting to think about what was around to serve as an influence at a formative age. People born after 1967 have had very few opportunities or chances for institutional support, by my reckoning. Over time, more people became acclimated to making uncompromising art, and there also became way less economic opportunity for people making work intended for adults. I suspect the forthcoming generation will be more inclined towards making content for kids because they grew up with things targeted to children, and they can be part of the push to make that stuff more diverse. This coincides with all of the economic infrastructure except for libraries being obliterated.)

Tales Of Woodsman Pete is a smaller object, of digest proportions, that Top Shelf released, early in Carré’s career. It’s worth noting her style nowadays is far more experimental and minimal, although I suppose at the time her work might’ve been considered pared-down, closer to folk tales than novels. This comic follows a woodsman, who monologues to no one, speaking to the trophies he’s made of his kills, in a series of short strips. This is juxtaposed against bits involving Paul Bunyan and his ox Babe, who share a camaraderie between them that doesn’t truly abate Bunyan’s sense of loneliness. It is, like Shuck, a gentle thing, and is able to conjure up some emotion, but I wonder if the sense of tweeness present within it is something Carré feels she’s outgrown? That’s not to say I object to it, just that I recognize a shift away from that stuff. I believe Carré is a Calvino fan, this stuff might be closest to the early stories in Our Ancestors, but Calvino’s work became far more overtly experimental afterwards. I don’t know, I still don’t have a bead on who Carré is or where she’s going. And that’s great, why should I?

Hectic Planet: Checkered Past, by Evan Dorkin

In high school, I read a Hectic Planet comic called The Bummer Trilogy, and liked it a lot. That was a single issue collecting three short stories that were the last work Evan Dorkin would do with the characters. While in retrospect, high school is probably the ideal age to read this material, those strips still feel more mature, in a sense of being personal, than much of Dorkin’s work. He’s written some superhero comics for the big two that never did much for me, and he has some collaborative genre comics I’ve never read, but he’s most associated with his humor cartooning, which I have kept up with despite only finding them intermittently funny. There’s always a sense of Dorkin as a performer of his material, where the humor tends to feel angry, but his most self-consciously autobio material is about the fact that his psyche is a dumping ground for assorted pop culture detritus. What’s interesting about this material is that is, in fact, still kind of immature, but it’s moving away from the science fiction premise, to be present enough to make jokes and talk about feelings. It’s the falterings towards finding a voice and having confidence in it, a youthful move towards what might not be maturity, but is, at least, work. So chunks of this are about a dude who’s heartbroken because he caught his girlfriend cheating on him and so he’s annoying all of his friends by complaining all the time and he’s thrilled to meet girls who like the same bands as he does and he goes to the grocery store and only buys junk food and while this might sound dumb, in context, it’s the beginnings of a worldview that feels fairly true to life for someone who would’ve been that age, at that point in time.

So, considering the era, and the sense of a science fiction premise being abandoned, it might make sense to think of this comic as following in the footsteps of Love And Rockets, albeit from an East Coast Jewish male perspective, and nowhere near as good. It almost feels like if a low-budget eighties sci-fi movie had cast a stand-up comedian in it, and when the budget got cut, they let him fill out the runtime with his routines and riffs, in an attempt to make it a star vehicle in case he ever got cast on SNL. Slave Labor put out a lot of alternative comics, and they all kind of got looked down upon to one degree or another. Much of what they published is both really poorly drawn and nakedly chasing whatever youthful subculture audience they could. Dorkin is easily one of the better artists they had, but the desire to be cool according to the terms of the subculture of the times makes for comics that feel dated now. All the characters in this book are really into ska, the back of the book has all these images taken from ska compilations and 7-inches featuring the characters. But that’s also interesting, because sensing the book’s quest to find its readership lends such authenticity to the young adult milieu, of what it means to be on your own and trying to find your people. It’s from a moment in time when talking about young people put a work in dialogue with alternative culture and not major book publishers, who due to generational differences, would not have understood any of the things this comic is about.

(This piece is sort of a variation on what I talk about in my article in But Is It… Comic Aht 2, by the way. There, behind a beautiful Lilli Carre cover, you can see me talking up more explicitly “all-ages” comics Slave Labor published, like Zander Cannon’s Replacement God, and Scott Roberts’ Patty Cake. Halo And Sprocket was a little bit later than the time period the article focuses on, but I liked that as well. Maybe the most interesting thing I’ve read from Slave Labor that wasn’t all ages and was never collected into a book would’ve been Jon Lewis’ series Ghost Ship. I also like the issues I’ve read of Bernie Mireault’s The Jam, which ran at multiple publishers, and I would like to read more of.)

[ferdas]

Sentence Starters from Season Five of ‘Justified’

**  please  feel free to change any pronouns or words to fit your character.  adult  themes, language, references to violence, guns, etc. are present.

"Can I get you a blowjob or something?"

"And here I thought all Canadians were supposed to be nice."

"The idea behind organized crime is that it's supposed to be organized."

"Can you believe you made something so cute?"

"I bet you were gorgeous from the jump."

"Normally I'm not a violent man but my back's against the wall."

"Are you being funny? Cause I can't tell anymore."

"You ever have that feeling that you walked away from your car and you're not sure if you locked it or not?"

"You know, I fancy myself a gifted student in human behavior, but you, well, I can't pin down."

"You're a very resourceful man, you'll figure it out."

"My general rule is that you keep talking, I put you in the trunk."

"You're a lousy conversationalist."

"You the type of fella that walks under a flock of birds and gets surprised when he ends up with shit on his face?"

"There's some red flags, I admit, doesn't mean I'm not capable of change."

"Some guys just can't take a joke."

"A man could get used to living like this."

"You ain't got to thank me."

"You got to spend less time screwing up other people's lives and more fixing your own."

"I swear, I don't know why you have to be such an asshole sometimes."

"Does this restaurant have blowjobs on the menu?"

"You can't trust his kind."

"If I tried to kill you, you'd be dead."

"You're protecting me from the situation that you created?"

"How much time does it take to kill an old man?"

"You tend to get involved with women who run afoul of the law?"

"It's happened once or twice, I wouldn't call it a tendency."

"Hey buddy, do yourself a favor, don't talk about my dog again."

"That's a sitcom I'd paid to see."

"I give you a compliment, don't that get me a 'thank you', at least?"

"Allow me a minute to collect my wits such to reply."

"Think maybe I was working some stuff out on you there."

"You want me to stay?"

"I'm about to sell blood to get a cocoa."

"I appreciate the invitation but I like it right here. My kind of place."

"I ain't gonna take your compliment after I've taken your insult."

"I've been accused of being a lot of things, inarticulate ain't one of 'em."

"The dominoes have fallen, to coin a phrase."

"I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in your arms and hold you forever in our house. Alone, quiet."

"It's always best to make your money work for you."

"Never say I didn't teach you something. Not literally, like osmosis."

"I'm a dick but you're a kiss-ass."

"Well, that was lovely. You can kiss my ass anytime you like."

"I don't remember you being this sly."

"What's the verdict? This place fit for human habitation?"

"We never did settle on a safe word, did we?"

"Look at that, I think we may have come up with a peaceful resolution."

"One lesson you could never understand was 'why make an enemy when you could make a friend?'"

"You get caught with this, you're on your own."

"You wanted me to come off the leash so you could call me to heel."

"You might see it that way if you were a son of a bitch."

"You're not a kiss-ass, I'm sorry I said that. You know I think the world of you and I trust you with my life."

"Is that who you are? An old-time American hero?"

"I can tell you're a man who would run into a burning building without blinking an eye. Thing is, I think you're the one setting the fire."

"In all my years of doing business, this is a first. And I don't mean in a good way."

"The life we chose only ends one way. I been at peace with that for a very long time now."

"I guess there's something to be said about keeping it in the family."

"How about I just come over with a bottle of Blanton's and cheer you up the old-fashioned way?"

"Criminal family, tramp stamp, I thought that was exactly your type."

"I thought our relationship was adversarial, now you're reaching out?"

"He able to satisfy all of your needs?"

"I can't recall the last innocent I came across with a briefcase full of cash."

"I'm gonna ask you to back up and keep your mouth shut until I'm done and then we'll settle any grievances you have suffered."

"You need to decide right now whose side you're on."

"Kung Fu shit don't work on me."

"We reserve the cards we play until we need them and now we need them."

"Think it over. Until then, take shelter. It's cold out there."

"I'm tired. Let's stop dancing around it. I can't help you."

"Your savior has arrived."

"That is a silver tongue."

"You really haven't done enough yet to destroy my family, huh?"

"I only drink with people that I like, or pretend to like, but I will partake in one of these cigarettes."

"Jesus Christ on a lunchbox. That's a big bet, high stakes."

"I appreciate your concern, this here, this may as well be a slow night in the champagne room for how comfortably erect I'm gonna be watching your bitch ass squirm about."

"No small thing, taking a life."

"You wanna put me out of my misery? How about you stop running your Goddamn mouth and do whatever it is you got to do."

"I'll keep that in mind. And when I say 'I'll keep that in mind' I really mean is 'stop talking to me'."

"Good guys don't need to shoot people with their hands cuffed."

"All you were ever trying to do was keep the family safe."

"I guess we all get the family we deserve."

"Didn't I tell you, you were gonna wish I killed you? Well, don't ya?"

"Did you come to say goodbye?"

"Please tell me those are tears of joy."

"Are those bullet holes?"

"I don't need a weatherman to tell me which direction this wind is blowing."

[theda-rison]

Used-to-be-Thursday-Night-Link-Round-Up - August 21st

I am writing this early so I’ll actually be on time this week, lol.

Ahahahahaha, what a joke. I literally wrote this on Wednesday so I would be early this week and I’m trash who ended up just... mainlining two different, long-ass manga during the week (idk what happened to my time, for real), and now I’m late. XD

Anyway, here it is:

We start with a video by Philosophy Tube, because I adore that man (did I say that once? I feel like I might have… whatever) his penchant for making videos that are thoroughly entertaining at the same time as being massively informative and very funny just appeals to the fact that I grew up on Bill Nye, Beakman’s World, and Horrible Histories and must be debuffed by Comedy in order to remember anything I learn. Such is the life of having brain gremlins that put you to sleep whenever you’re doing something boring (and a great many things are boring when your nervous system runs only on Interest).

The topic of this video is Anti-Semitism, and is a look at - as one person in the comments pointed out - modern antisemitism(maybe he could do a look at the ancient origins of it at some point, because I know I want to know where it comes from and keep forgetting to look it up), but I think he wanted to look a the question of “Why Jews?” in the modern era because they tend to be the scapegoat for, like, ….everything.

The only downside of the video - for me - is: eight years of French classes had me cringing at his pronunciation. The cringe was evenly distributed throughout the video, for that reason, lol.

Onto the Michael Brooks Show, because I’m slowly going through the backlogs of videos I haven’t watched. This is an interview with Touré Reed about the uncoupling of Race and Class by Liberals in politics. 

This decoupling obviously makes dealing with issues where those two things intersect more difficult to address, because if you only address one and not the other you’re not addressing the whole of the root of the problem. “World War 2 ended the Great Depression, but because it was The New Deal on steroids,” is not something I ever thought of, but now that he’s explained it it makes total fucking sense.

Some internet history for you from Inside a Mind: I had never heard of Fantastic Daily before this, I’m not sure how since I like ARGs and have caught onto a few before they wrapped up and I think they’re fun. 

This is interesting because it’s like, “What happens when a bunch of people who aren’t really privy to ARGs and how they work, and who honestly believe that the topic of the ARG exist find out that they’ve been playing a game all along?”

I guess it’s like this: You just lost The Game.

(I think I just had a flashback to high school because of that. I’m sorry.)

The part I just don’t understand is being an adult human and sending death threats. Like, he fooled you a little bit with some online bullshit, he didn’t kill your dog, you know? I don’t believe in ghosts or “black-eyed kids” (Black-Eyed Peas, maybe) but like, even if I did, my reaction would have been like, “Oh, you got me. Haha. Whelp, you can’t believe everything you read online,” *canned sitcom laughter as the credits roll.* It’s just bizarre to me that people got SO mad. Save the vitriol and the direct action for things that matter, you know? Like dismantling the system.

For our writing related video this week, here’s one I feel like I need most of the time, lol. Tale Foundry with Avoiding Writing Info-Dumps?

“Hey, isn’t it hard to tell the reader about your world without just telling them about it like a10-year-old who just got a book from the library about horses?” Yes. Yes it is. And also I’m scared. And also, now I want to look up horses.

Scatter your exposition. Share info in context, not as a whole chunk.

Make information implicit, rather than explicit. Help your audience make inferences by showing and not telling.

Or… get rid of it! If it’s not important to the story (it damages the experience without adding anything useful) then just take it out.

Anyway, a three-course-meal of Food For Thought for when I start editing my comic. As I was writing certain parts I was like, “This is horribly done exposition but I don’t remember how to do it better.” And I looked like this as I cried --> T_T

Business Stuff by Daniel Thrasher.

This guy’s facial expressions make his videos, lol. This isn’t the first one I found, but I ended up watching wayyyy too many of them.

Songs of the Week:

Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade But It's Mambo No. 5 - Lou Bega

https://youtu.be/DflYYP20k-g

One of the weirder mashups, I think? Also, clicking on the first one weeks ago has just forever marred my youtube recommendations. They just keep coming up.

All Star (As An English Madrigal) (SATB Choir) - Arranged by Nathan Howe -  Hal Leonard Choral

https://youtu.be/mbDjE_G383k

You know how people say, “The [whatever] I didn’t know I needed!” I’m not even sure if I needed this. But… here it is. I think I like it? It elicits a lot of confusion. I think it’s all the “Hey nonny nonny”s. Then again, maybe it’s that part of my brain keeps thinking it’s going to turn into christmas music. I don’t know.

Interstellar Main Theme, Hans Zimmer - Kalimba cover. - IPIDA SOUND

https://youtu.be/-0cuwM0A6Qg

Way more soothing than the first two songs, lol. Full disclosure: I have never seen Interstellar, and, I’m okay with that.

[nodesiretogrowup]

alright, round 2

Quack Pack!:

Damn, they just throw you into the sitcom. I love it. All the overacting and over the top poses/reactions are great

Dewey’s entrance is great

Is the bear the one from the last episode?

“I’ve shenaned-once, I’ll shenan-again” BEAUTIFUL

And then he just one-legged hops up the stairs backwards

I liked the Della and Louie are both wearing green. It’s a cute thing to tie them together

ON THE MOOOOOOOOON

Louie totally did this scheme with Dewey in Della’s place at some point

The fact that Scrooge stops to entertain the idea is great

 “We’ve got about...30 mins” I love when shows make allusions to the actual runtime

Beakley and Webby had the BEST ENTRANCE! They must have seen the Lady Gaga halftime show

That dangerous agent stuff is probably gonna come back. Next week is the spy episode so...

“I’m not a spy” I wonder how that worked in the plot of the fake show. Did Beakley do spy stuff? It just doesn’t make sense for a sitcom

From the get-go Huey could tell things were off

WHY DID DONALD HAVE TO MAKE SUCH A SEXY FACE AT THE CAMERA?! I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A CRUSH ON DONALD! CURSE THE DT CREW FOR MAKING DONALD HOT! AND THE SEXY VOICE!

I wish they had just used the Quack Pack intro for the theme this episode

I want Launchpad’s band to somehow exist. I liked the girl’s design a lot

INTRODUCING DELLA!

“QUACK PACK WAS TAPED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.” Oh 90s sitcoms

When you rewatch the episode you can see they foreshadowed the twist. Donald looks directly into the camera an awful lot for someone that doesn’t know there even is a camera

Knox Quackington? Even for a show full of punny names, that is a ridiculous name

His outfit looks more “ace reporter” than “eccentric photographer”

“He’s a spy” Do you think Gene was trying to pretend to be a spy for the wacky misunderstanding of the episode in-universe or he just didn’t know how photographers act?

“YOU’RE SO SMALL! But so STRONG!” Webby has probably killed a man

The screen wipes are GREAT, though that feels more like an anime thing than sitcom. Sitcom scene wipes usually were establishing shots of the house they live in or the city. I’ve watched far too much tv

Louie’s lie speil was great and solid logic

“Time is money, kids, and I’d rather spend time because it’s not money” Inspirational

Donald sure cares a lot about the lighting. How would he know the office had the best lighting, hmmmmm

Something about that hand movement makes me think 90s but I’m not sure why

Dewey doing the dance that the triplets do in Mr. Duck Steps Out is cute

The blank pages made me think about how people can’t read in their dreams

“On the moon we had this old saying-always check your pockets” To be fair, that is good advice

Poor Huey just CAN’T catch a break! First he hallucinates a talking guidebook (THAT BURNS TO DEATH AND COMES BACK AS A GHOST) now reality is SHATTERING BEFORE HIM. Yeah...this season’s gonna do a number on this kid. Hopefully he gets a break next week

“Since when are YOU a hairstylist?” “SINCE THE INTERNET” Now THAT is a quarantine MOOD right there 

So we learn later that SHABOOEY is Gene’s catchphrase, is Dewey saying it because he’s being controlled by Gene in that moment? 

Donald looks into the camera again

SOMEONE HELP THIS CHILD! HIS WORLD IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL

THE FUCKING PEP COMMERCIAL! GOD IT WAS SO 90S AND BEAUTIFUL!! I NEED THE SONG TO BE RELEASED! 

Maybe because it was a soda ad in a Disney Afternoon-based show, but the commercial made me think of Coo-Coo Cola from Rescue Rangers

Ducktales-the ONLY Disney show with an in-universe “and you’re watching Disney Channel”

I love Huey dearly but....it’s really fun watching him MCFRICKIN LOSE IT

Dewey can’t throw...because he’s a theatre kid

Donald looks at the camera again

Louie’s wipe DEFINITELY looks like something out of an anime. Is Louie secretly a weeb? I mean he is in a different show

Gene doing his best not to break character. A true thespian through and through

“Yo” *all the ladies cheer*

All of the sudden BAM Launchpad has a band. Is he the Uncle Jesse?

I love that we don’t get to hear them play

“Trapped in a mystical prison that’s constantly laughing at us” I call that my brain :’)

“WHO ARE THOSE LITTLE GUYS?”

“I figured if anyone would crack, it’d be Dewey” Huey seems WAY more likely to snap imho

“But that was from soul-crushing loneliness” Della, you wanna talk about that? With a professional perhaps?

“We need some wacky hijinks!”

“HOW DID I GET HERE? WHY AM I DANCING?” Huey gets SO MANY great lines this episode

And once again we have Donald looking directly into the camera

“Cute girl stuff” Della probably went around with a meat tenderizer as a kid, so it’s normal

Goofy seemed to be aware of the cheering. HMMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAND.....GOOF TROOP POSE

I’ve been calling DT17 Goofy Chibi Goofy because of how short he is compared to how he normally looks. They probably made him shorter so he and Donald fit in a single frame easier. I know a lot of the boarders/animators for the show have a hard time doing scenes with Launchpad and the kids because of how MASSIVE he is compared to the kids

Goofy knew something was different about Donald. HMMMMMMM

The way Don delivers the line “You CAN help” has a weird inflection, at least to me

I want Goofy thinking to become a meme and people put random sounds over it like those are Goofy’s thoughts

That face-slap was loud

AND DONALD LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA LIKE HE’S ON THE OFFICE

Where was Dewey that whole time? He kind of just...disappears for a bit

Oh Launchpad, you MAJESTIC himbo. And Gene smiles, too cute

“Getting the lid off that peanut butter jar was an adventure” In that household it probably could have

Donald using Louie and Della’s names when he could have just said you broke your mom’s vase or something like that

You look pretty nervous there, Donny-boy

“I don’t mean the last episode” Good, because you kinda lost your mind in the last episode

Wow, flashbacking is TRIPPY

“EVERYONE, TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT THEN SCRATCH YOUR CHIN” So that’s how you do it

“We should really get back to the plot, I mean problem”

Why don’t you want to flashback, DONALD?

lol Goofy does it too even though he wasn’t present for that event

Gene’s just blankly staring in the background

“REMINISCE HARDER” What you tell yourself as you take a test and are trying to remember what you studied

Yay, the journal is brought up!

“How many lamps did this jerk have?” Excellent question

Webby looks INSANE and Huey FULLY SUPPORTS HER

DONALD HAS PTSD AND NEEDS HELP

I feel like Gene took some MAJOR liberties with Donald’s wish. When I think normal family problems I don’t think of sitcoms. In fact that is the FURTHEST THING from what I think of as normal. Then again Gene is played by Urkel, so that might be his normal

Speaking of, does Gene know that they are all ALREADY in a tv show? How far does this rabbit hole go?

“EVERYONE STOP CATCHPHRASING!” “Is ‘I’m not a spy’ seriously my catchphrase?” You deserve better, Beakley

Of COURSE Dewey’s cool with it...because he’s a theatre kid

DEAR LORD, SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN!

Gene just trying to sneak out. I don’t think he wanted to deal with all that family drama

“HOW MANY MORE SECRETS DOES THIS AGENT HAVE?!” Oh Launchpad. Next week you’ll learn all about secrets and agents and secret agents

Gene feels like what would happen if all of Genie’s pop culture references were limited to the 90s. I LOVE IT

“AGES! The long ago year of 1990!” Well I feel old (born in 91). His eyes after he says it are just AMAZING

Gene being so knowledgeable about what makes great tv is hilarious. Clearly he should have directed the Darkwing movie lol

Seriously though, this really gives us a good look at Donald’s psyche. The guy just wants his family to be safe. But it’s even deeper than that. He wants to be normal, which includes him having a voice that’s easier for people to understand. He’s got a lot of baggage and trauma that needs to be dealt with, mainly how he views himself. Like, fuck

The HURT you see in Della’s eyes when Donald talks about why he likes it there BROKE ME

Huey’s line about adventuring being who they are got me teary eyed

Goofy just shrugs as he walks out

Of course Launchpad was gonna get the multiple dates plot. We’re ALL thirsty for some Launchpad

“Probably at least 3 seasons, plus spinoffs, and I assume they’ll reboot the show eventually.” Lines like this make me think Gene is very aware he is in a tv show

WHY THE FUCK WERE THE AUDIENCE HUMANS?! IS GENE AWARE THAT HUMANS EXIST AND ARE WATCHING THE VERY SHOW HE’S ON?! WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE?!

 “HORRIBLE, FLESH-FACED MONSTERS!” Not gonna argue with that

Dewey is SUCH a drama queen

I don’t like how Scrooge called Gene genie. He told you his name, there’s no need to be rude

POGS

Ok the study date girl kinda reminds me of Laura from Family Matters, but that might just be because Urkel is there lol

How old is Launchpad supposed to BE in the sitcom? I don’t think a 30-something is going on many study dates

“You all seem real nice, I feel bad about the mix-up” LAUNCHPAD YOU BEAUTIFUL HIMBO

OH GOD THE LAURA DUCK IN THE BACKGROUND. JESUS

Beakley and Della telling the dates to find themselves and to be independent SLAYED ME. I was NOT expecting that!

“AH, MY PET SNAKE!” “Louie why would you have this?” “THIS IS A POORLY CONCEIVED STORYLINE!” “Eh, everyone’s a critic.” Louie’s right though, DEWEY would be the one with an exotic pet. Or any pet

Tiny Johnny and Randy

WHY ARE THE HUMAN KIDS’ PROPORTIONS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE ADULTS?! THEY HAVE GIANT FUCKING HEADS!

 PUT SOME PEP IN YOUR STEP

The ENTIRE SCENE of Goofy and Donald together was SO HEARTWARMING and something we could NEVER GET before this series!  Having Donald and Goofy talk about being parents is WONDERFUL! It’s something we’ve never seen before with these characters. Donald just wants to be normal and Goofy giving a beautiful speech about how there really is no normal so enjoy the candid moments in life. I LEGIT CRIED

OF COURSE Goofy would have the wallet overflowing with pictures, he is THAT DAD. Seeing Max was great. I thought we might see PJ but I SQUEE’D when they showed the picture of Max and Roxanne! I hope they show up for real later on

We get a hint at the OTHER twist here with Goofy actively encouraging Donald to put things back to normal while everyone else that aren’t the Duck family are trying to keep them there

Also, Goofy’s ears have bones

DON’T MESS WITH DONALD’S FAMILY. It will NOT end well for you

Goofy just starts snapping pics, like the true photographer he is

SAX TIME

“LET’S GET QUACKING” It’s no “I AM THE STORM” but still good

AVENGERS CAMERA SPIN

“A lamp in a lamp?” I can’t tell if that is BRILLIANT or lazy. Or BRILLIANTLY LAZY

“YA HA HA HOOOOWIIIIIEEEEE” It wouldn’t be a proper Goofy cameo without the yell

The scorpions got bored and left

 “The sound of no one laughing never sounded SO GOOD”

“BEST EPISODE EVER!” Definitely in my top 5

“Gawrsh, that’s sweet.” *does a cute wave* “Wait, Goofy was really here this whole time?”

Ok, but where was Goofy before then? Did Gene poof him away from something important? I WANT ANSWERS!

I bet they had this bit so people wouldn’t freakout like they did with Darkwing

I love Launchpad just being confused and waving at Goofy. He’s never met the dude before so it’s understandable. But I NEED they to have a proper interaction. THING OF THE PROPERTY DAMAGE!

“Magic’s got NOTHIN’ on a big name guest star” YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN A SHOW!

Lowkey want that Goofy lava lamp

The little Maxes flying over Goofy’s head...ADORABLE

PLEASE TELL ME THEY GOT GOOFY HOME SAFE

Donald using his last wish on the picture made me tear up. He could have had ANYTHING. He could have wished for a normal voice. But he used it for a family memory

Donald and Beakley both looked into the camera for the picture. WHILE FIGHTING DEMON HUMANS.

I can’t lie, THIS was the episode I was most excited for even before we got the premiere date. I was excited for the 90s cheesiness. Then we found out Goofy was gonna be in it and I got even more excited. Goofy is one of my faves, especially Dad Goofy. I was expecting it to be balls-to-the-wall insanity nonstop but they got me in the feels too. I want more of this Goofy and Donald. The two of them being single parents who lost someone close to them. Like I said earlier, this episode is in my top 5 for sure.

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

So obviously alot of people (wrongly) didnt like Woody’s decision in Toy Story 4 and i’m here to tell you why you are wrong (and maybe why you should feel bad about it)

TS4 Spoilers, obviously

With the story being about toys its likely alot of us missed out on the major theme of the genre, which really only came to me recently.

Yes they are cute movies about toys with puns and gag humor.

alot of people try to play up the existential horror of being a toy, whos existence is at the whim of giants who will destroy you themselves or throw you away , blah blah blah.

But really the whole thing is a giant metaphor. its like a Black Mirror/Twilight Zone episode where the concept is “What if adults entire lives revolved around their kids”

See, the toys exist because of kids, are brought into their lives, get fulfillment out of helping the kids grow up and be happy, and while often fearing losing their kids overall accept the inevitability.

lots of people have tried to do some weird fanfictiony thing regarding woody and andy. especially with the heavy implication that Woody was inherited from his father. But i’m here to say Woody is Andy’s father.

No not his biological father, he’s not the reincarnated soul of his father. I’m saying within the confines of this story and metaphore he is Andy’s father. his step father, his father figure. Its, within canon BECAUSE he is an heirloom FROM his father that he’s so attatched to the Woody Doll.

Because each toy has their role. RC is Andy’s first car, Ham and Potatoe head are like Andy’s uncles. Bo Peep his Woody’s girlfiend.

See its cus of this relationship that Woody’s role is so important. What are fathers for? inspiring you. Playing games with you. being heroic. Being kind. protecting others. even falling in love. Andy doesnt have a father and for the sake of the story his mother is barely shown. He gets his fulfillment and plays with the values of heroism, emotion, and becoming a good person through his toys like so many kids. And woody is there to teach him, love him, be there for him and be someone to look up to.

but because of the Black mirrorness, his step dad (woody) and uncles and aunts and all that are objects , that while they exist outside of his perview, dont exist to HIM. To any of the kids in this world. Thats how parents and adults are to kids in the real world...only more literal. Kids dont think about their teachers outside of school. have a hard time comprehending the billions of adults doing things like having lives, working jobs, speaking other languages and doing adult things across the world. Even their own parents are easily forgotten until the kid has been away for awhile, or needs the parent the do somehting or comfort them. Thats JUST like these toys. kids are inspired by and love their toys but are easily distracted, or like with many kids and their parents, grow to dislike playing with those toys/adults. And similarly the toys and adults do have their OWN lives , thats both a good and bad thing. When not being played with the toys still exist and have lives of their own. but ultimately their lives REVOLVE around a kid.

So imagine in real life in Adults werent allowed to move (far), to travel, without their kids. That they COULD but they had to return to their positions by the time the kids got back. The thing you might have been wondering is that ALL the toys cant be parents but they arent they are adults. Look at all of andy’s toys there are some he never plays with and others he barely does. So like...Bo Peep being a toy he only plays with when he needs  a damsel in distress is like him going to his step dad’s girlfriend when he needs advice about girls or buying a gift for one. Ham is the weird nerdy uncle that only exists when you need to ask em weird facts on messenger or borrow money from.

So imagine in this black mirror world if like...the barista didnt make coffee all day, have breaks and made money. If they had to stay in their uniform in the coffee shop all day doing nothing but playing solitair and waiting for a kid to show up so they could play their small part.

And of course the major issue in toy story is the growing up and losing your kids.

In toy story 1 Woody gets upset when another step dad comes into Andy’s life. maybe metaphorical for his mom’s new boyfriend. like many kids ANdy is smitten by having the cool new dad who has lasers and takes him to put put and Pizza planet. Andy loved going to the ranche and horseback riding with Woody but all this NEW stuff is Amazing!. And like many adults Woody was sidelined for the new shiny stuff. If you live for your kids it can be heartbreaking when a new friend or hobby or adult comes into their life and they dont have time for you anymore. Heck every sitcome has like 5 episodes dedicated to the adults getting used to the idea that with growing up the kids dont have time for them anymore. And woody grows to accept the new adult in Andy’s life because him being an asshole about it made it so he almost LOST andy completely. Imagine a movie or sitcom where andy’s dad and his mom’s new boyfriend keep bickering and then the wife tells them if they cant stop yelling at each other in front of andy that neither of them can see him. (andy moving away)

In toy story 2 they are dealing with andy growing up. He’s grown out of most of his toys. just like how kids who are preteen spend most of their time with their family. going to friends house, playing with cousins, that as they grow older they dont want to go on 6 hour car rides to see grandma anymore. they arent interested in playing leggos with toddlers, or grow to dislike cousins. So andy’s likes and dislikes have shifted and he only has some of his favorite toys now, just like how a teenager will often be less involved with their parents, lose some friends, gain others and might interact less with extended relatives.

And then fearing losing andy himself, woody risks himself to keep another relative from losing andy. and he ends up in a new world, playing with the concept of moving on from his kid. See Jessie has already gone through this. Her kid grew into a teenager and like many mothers, was promptly forgotten about. her mom (jessie)  wasnt even embarrassing, she just wasnt on her radar, she was talking with friends, doing makeup , doing extra curriculars. She didnt have time for jessie and when she finally found her, immediately put her away. She’d grown up and her ‘mom’ wasnt in her life anymore, she still had the good memories, but sadly Jessie realized that all that time she waited for her daughter to come back to her so they could bond again, that her kid lost interest in ever being her friend a LONG time ago.

And woody saw that as his future. So when the entire reason you are alive is to help your kid, what do you do when your kid isnt gone, because they dont want you anymore? thats the problem he had to face. And the movie focuses on this. on extra bonus material we see the Prospector was happy now that he finally had his first kid, Woody talks to buzz not about NEVER losing andy, but that its STILL GOING TO HAPPEN. but its WORTH IT. THats just like what so many parents say. That its hard dealing wiht kids that are stressful and take up money and eventually they rebel and you lose them for the most part. but its WORTH IT to see them grow up and become amazing people.

And thats part of Toy Story 3. Andy’s all grown up and since parents/toys only exist for kids to play with then there is no reason for them. their lives are unfullfulling and pointless but they dredge on none the less because thought heir lives are dedicated to kids they dont immediately disappear when they dont have them. though its implied they do eventually fade away.

but some of these toys find an alternative. such a preschool. infinite kids forever. the connection isnt as strong but its something. just like adults who babysit or become teachers or caretakers. In this Bonnie is Woody’s and other toys second chance. their second child. the “we arent that old, maybe we can have another one?” and So they try again.

however, Toy story 4

in this extended metaphor kids dont NEED their parents/toys. the story doestn focus on real life for people. its just assumed that kids are taken care of , that they have food and a place to live. So its actually the ‘adults whos ENTIRE EXISTENCE revolves around being loved by a child” allegory that is at risk here

And see. in real life you have to accept like woody and andy that eventually even your most beloved kid will outgrow you. You have to accept like jessie that even before they grow up a child you love will no longer need you as much as you feel for them. That while you are important to a child if you get deployed, if you have to move away , if you are just at work all the time your child is home you can end up being ‘repalced’ by someone IN their lives.

 and Woody...thats whats happened to him. He’s there for Bonnie, bonnie cares about him but hes not her favorite toy. shes got this HUGE extended family and she gets enough love from her parents and her surogate parents (like dollie) and Woody is just one of dozens of ‘relatives” that help her out.

and So this LAST movie is about him finally learning that though loving a child is precious. that trying again is admirable. that when you love a child its about the CHILD not you, and that you WILL get hurt, but its WORTH IT. “this is what its all about” that helping create and nurture this kid is worth any heartbreak, of the kid outgrowing you, even the kid forgetting you.

BUT That its a choice and you can and SHOULD at some point CHOOSE to LIVE FOR YOURSELF. Woody has presumably spent all of Andy’s dad’s childhood, all of Andy’s childhood and a few years with Bonnie, raising kids, inspiring them. he’s existed for like 50 years. and He wouldnt trade those memories for the world. but He cant get that back. he cant relive the past. Its the past.

and so he decided to do what all parents should do, move on and find a fulfilling life for HIMSELF.

YOU DESERVE A HAPPY LIFE FOR YOURSELF.

and thats why it pisses me off that people are like “woody would never leave bonnie”

raising kids is great but you cant have a LIFE if you live only for that. You have to be your own person and EVENTUALLY even if you decide to dedicate your life to kids, EVENTUALLY you have to live for yourself

[carmintros]

@ariwalters     /      ❛   ｡   ✩   ﾟ my eyes are probably playing tricks on me again, but is that really  awsten knight? oh, wait, it’s just  adrian “ari” lance walters. yes, that  twenty-four  year old  drummer, who i am pretty sure is a  visitor. according to the talk of the town, he is incredibly  flighty & unpredictable, yet undeniably  outgoing & adventurous. that is precisely why  a playground at dawn, a carnival ride that just keeps spinning, chasing waves on a beach, laughing until you cry & jackson pollock paintings  remind me of them so much, but then again you know what they say about  leos, we’ll see how that one turns out !   penned by kit  /  mst & they / them

car crash tw, ptsd tw, alcoholism tw

Ari Walters

Age: 24

Gender: Non-binary, he/him

[Between the Bars] - “Haha, not totally sure why this one comes to mind but like everyone says it’s like me with alcohol and stuff but I don’t really see it, I think I’m fine.”

D.O.B: August 15, 1995

Why the name Ari?

“Oh! I was named after my dad ‘cept he was always called Adrian so they called me Ari so no one got confused or anything!! It always worked really good too!”

Ethnicity: white

Relationship Status: In multiple relationships “I fall a little in love with everyone, I think, because everyone is beautiful and wonderful. I’m kind of the classic definition of poly, lol. People underestimate how much communication that takes though!”

Sexual Orientation: pan “Like I said, I fall in love with everyone! I can’t help it, haven’t you ever watched someone go about their life and you can just tell if they’re gentle or rough, if they need love or if they’re loved, et cetera? I love it and I love them.”

Appearance:

Height: 5’7

Ari resembles a puppy with ADHD. He is constantly moving, constantly engaged with the world and constantly interacting with everyone around him. He has to be active. If he sits still he might fall asleep and he still gets nightmares of the wreck.

His signature ‘thing’ has been his dyed hair for years. He doesn’t think he would recognize himself without it at this point. He thought about dying it back to brown for April Fools day one year but realized it’s been so long since seeing his real hair that he didn’t remember what color to get to match his roots.

Ari has an almost compulsive seeming need to be the most colorful person in any space he’s in. He wants to stand out and he does so by being a walking color wheel. Strangely, he manages to make his outfits cohesive.

You can’t get too close to Ari without noticing how tired he always looks. His eyes are always a little swollen and bloodshot and his skin has the uncomfortable thin appearance of someone much older or much sicker than him. If he’s asked about it he jokes that he’s just ugly (though most people would agree he is anything but ugly).

History:

Ari can split his life into a perfect before and after the wreck.

Before. Ari had a perfectly wonderful childhood. He was loved and taken care of in his historical Boston home. His dad taught Marine Biology at Harvard, his mom was the perfect socialite and Ari and his sisters were happy

His days consisted of school and drawing and going to the beach with his dad to learn about the animals. If Ari was to assign an emotion to that period of his life it would be love. If he had to assign a color it would be pink.

His life before was like something from a 50s sitcom. It was perfect. He knows rationally that he’s seeing through rosy lenses. He thinks he remembers his dad having an affair. He knows his sister and he argued a lot and he was such a mischievous child it kept him in trouble a lot of the time. He knows this. But it feels different. It feels idyllic compared to after.

His entire world shattered when he was 13. His family shouldn’t have even been out. If only he hadn’t argued with his sister. If only he had just set the table then maybe his dad wouldn’t have suggested eating out. Maybe if his mom and little sister had been home instead of in California they could have told his dad no, it wasn’t their day for eating out and they would all be fine eating at the house. Maybe if his sister hadn’t forgotten her phone and made them turn back so she could retrieve it because she was so scared of missing a text from her boyfriend.

Maybe….

Maybe they wouldn’t have been crossing the intersection when the other driver plowed through it. Maybe they wouldn’t have spun out and hit another car. Maybe his dad and his sister and the little boy from the other car and the driver who caused it all would still be alive. Maybe…

After. Ari doesn’t remember the crash itself. He doesn’t remember seeing his father’s body crushed against the interior of their car even though he’s since been told he was trying to pull him out. He doesn’t remember his sister’s glassy, dead stare though he was told he screamed at her to wake up. He doesn’t remember the ambulance ride but he’s told he fought the paramedics to try to get to his family.

He doesn’t remember getting to the hospital and being admitted.

He only starts remembering sitting in that big hospital room alone for what felt like hours (he knows now that it was only a few minutes at a time) while nurses bustled past the door outside trying to focus on the lives that were at risk after the crash. Even still, the evening comes in flashes. A teary eyed woman with a heavy accent telling him his mom would be there soon and rubbing his back. A doctor, young and frazzled, bursting into his room to tell the cops to leave and stop asking him about it. The smell of oil and burning metal seared so strongly into his skin it made his head hurt.

He remembers the funeral. Closed casket, both buried at the same time. He remembers packing up the house and selling it and moving to New York. He doesn’t think he felt real during that time. He kept waiting to wake up and find out it was just a terrible dream. Part of him still hopes he wakes up.

–

His mom didn’t try to neglect his mental health when they moved. Despite having help from family she still had to take on two jobs, she had two children to raise alone and she had just lost her husband and little girl. It was hard to be everything Ari needed her to be too.

She did her best. He was sent to a mental health clinic and given regular therapy sessions for a while where he was diagnosed with PTSD and a trauma based phobia regarding riding in cars.

She put him in music lessons to give him an outlet. She enrolled him in an arts high school so he could find similarly minded creative young people and hopefully make friends in their new city.

It didn’t really work. You can’t throw a shattered kid back into society and expect them not to drown. And Ari drowned.

When he was almost 15 he tasted alcohol for the first time at a sleepover. The idea of it had fascinated him since the wreck. How could one liquid be so influential that it would lead you to kill other people? What did it feel like to slip into a haze that strong.

His first sip was revolting. It burned on the way down and he was convinced he could still feel it burning his stomach. He almost put the bottle up and gave up on learning its allure. Something about it still called to be explored and who was Ari to say no?

He snuck the bottle into his bag and drank a little more the next day after school. Just enough to feel warm again and for his brain to quiet and center just a little bit more.

The alcohol made everything better. He felt more human again when he was tipsy. It didn’t take long for Ari to begin to crave it just to function. He started stealing it from his mom’s cabinet and then from the sweet old lady who paid him to take her groceries upstairs. When he was caught stealing from them he started trying to steal it from stores.

He was caught right away, of course, but not by an employee. Instead he was caught by a tall, average looking man in his early 30s. The man, who Ari soon learned was named Sean, offered to buy the alcohol for Ari and invited Ari over to drink with his girlfriend Eliana. Ari agreed immediately.

That night he lost his virginity to the pair. The two adults offered to keep Ari’s alcohol supply always filled so long as he continued to sleep with them. Ari instantly agreed.

—-

After he started drinking he somehow managed to pull his grades up. He felt real when he was drunk. He felt functional. He could do his coursework and practice the drums and paint and even explore New York. He quickly fell in love with the city and learned how to navigate his borough on his skateboard. He learned what buildings he could sneak into and hookup with classmates in without being caught, all the best places for graffiti and where the coolest homeless people hung out.

As Ari progressed through his teenage years his ‘adventures’ got crazier. He broke into the zoo ones and barely escaped getting caught. He hitchhiked out of the city and spent a weekend far upstate before calling his mom from a payphone and getting her to pick him up. He smuggled paint into his homeroom and painted an abstract mural on the teacher’s desk.

Not everything was illegal. He once snuck into an early morning wholesale flower market and convinced a florist to buy him enough white roses to leave one on every grave in The Cathedral Basilica of St. James cemetery and even convinced some of his friends to help him distribute them. He raised money once and bought everyone at his school pizza for lunch so “the lunch people get a day off.”

When he was asked to play drums for a new band that was forming he had to say yes. It was just a chance at another adventure.

—-

He never expected them to get as famous as they did. He figured they would disband rapidly and he could go to college for marine biology. Like his dad. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

Miraculously for all of Ari’s adventures and alcoholism he didn’t have any major scandals during the bands active time. He left that for Jae.

Instead he tried to fly under the radar. He didn’t want anyone picking up on his issues. He maintained his alcoholism, adventured in the cities they toured through and focused on art when they weren’t making music.

—

Slowly he began to tire of not remembering as much of his life as he wanted to. People Ari had no memory of would come up to him as though they knew him. He got an STI without even knowing who it was from. He woke up in places he had never seen before. He destroyed things in his house and drove people away.

The catalyst came just before the band was put on hiatus and he was approached by an ex. Apparently during a drunken escapade he hadn’t used protection and had gotten the girl pregnant a few years ago. She’d had the baby and suddenly he was being asked if he wanted to be a father. He didn’t, of course, but he also didn’t want this to ever happen again.

Ari used the move to California as a chance to change everything. He swore he was going sober and wouldn’t return to the lifestyle he’d had before.

—

Now, freshly sober in California, he’s trying to figure out how to balance his new life. He’s still adventuring but it looks different without drinking. He isn’t sure if he likes it or not.

Personality -

“Ari is a rollercoaster. It could get exhausting except you don’t see him that often since he’s dating half the town at any given time. But he’s a blast anyway, especially when he’s sober enough to know up from down. You will have the most wild dates with him but you’ll have the time of your life. He rented a barn once and hired a band so we could have a ‘good old fashioned barn dance’ because he’d just seen one in a movie. It was insane. Best date of my life. That’s why it’s such a shame that he drinks so much. When he’s sober or only tipsy he’s amazing but the more drunk he gets the more the shine wears away. We actually broke up because he punched a hole through a mirror once and cried that he hated how he looked. I just… couldn’t do that. I hate it but I couldn’t.” Jessica B, ex-girlfriend.

Ari is the pinnacle of a yes-man. He agrees to almost everything so long as no one is hurt and he seems very morally grey. So long as no one gets hurt he’s down to try anything. He is high energy and always seems super cheerful. Ari is the kind of person who draws others to him just by how cheery and upbeat he is.

Ari is a romantic at heart. He says he falls in love with everyone and it honestly feels true. He sees something beautiful in everyone he meets and so he always dates multiple people at a time. It helps that he needs company all the time or the negative emotions he’s pushed away since he was a teenager begin to come creeping up.

He can never let that creep up. When it does it overwhelms him and he feels as scared and as lost as he did the entire year following the crash. He doesn’t talk about those emotions and he definitely doesn’t acknowledge that anything is wrong even when it’s exhausting to keep the smile. He doesn’t want to validate them and make them real. Ari will do anything to keep himself from ever feeling that sad and broken again.

It’s part of why he’s such an adrenaline junkie. His thrill seeking is one of the things he’s most known for in his fame. He has an adventure list a mile wide with everything from “Show up at an airport and take the next flight wherever it goes” to “scattering change along the city streets for people to find.”

Hobbies:

Art. Ari loves abstractivism and unconventional art. One of his projects that he was working on before coming to Carmel was saving every bottle from every drink he had over the course of a year so he could display it as a piece. He wasn’t sure about the title for it yet.

Exploring

Going on dates and adventures

He really wants to get a normal job because he thinks it would be hilarious to, say, work at a deli or diner because he’s technically a rock star.

Health:

Ari has PTSD. He doesn’t acknowledge it but it definitely impacts his ability to exist normally. He’s terrified of cars (he still doesn’t drive but he claims it’s because he would rather just skateboard everywhere) and he acts more recklessly to try to distract from it.

Physically he’s actually pretty healthy (aside from his chronic exhaustion). He eats well and works out, now that he’s quit drinking (besides a few relapses here and there) he is largely a super healthy individual.

wanted connections

Partners!!!! Ari is pan and poly so he is down for however many partners he has at any given time. He loves going on dates and hooking up. The more the merrier as far as he’s concerned, too!

Baby-mama. Ari found out he got someone pregnant and it was the largest catalyst for sobriety. They have a rocky relationship regarding the child because Ari really doesn’t feel ready to be a dad but I’m open to if they’re civil or uncivil outside of that.

Confidant. Everyone needs someone they can trust. Even Ari, who’s close relationships never seem to get past sleeping together and casual dating. This can be a friend, a friend of a friend or even someone he’s sleeping with.