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moonstruck-poet · 1 year

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His Love Language

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - This fic depicts Kaz and the subtle ways in which he shows his love.

Warnings - curse words, injury, wounds, blood, fight.

Kaz Brekker noticed everything. Whether it be someone cheating in a game of cards, enemies tailing him during his walk, or even his crows being unlike their usual selves.

Because he always paid more attention to what a person is doing than what they're saying. Talk may thrill, but action reveals.

He had an eye for taking in the details. It was both terrifying and beautiful.

Terrifying for his rivals of course. He knew exactly what to pull off and how to pull it off for them to go insane.

And beautiful for his love, his one and only. Him having such a knack for remembering the littlest of things helped him immensely in his relationship with you.

Not many people noticed it before, not even you yourself. But as time passed, you learned that his love language were actions. Not physical touches, words of affirmations, gifts and presents. No.

But it was all about those small acts showcased by him that made you fall deeper for the bastard of the barrel. Your heart now always took notice whenever he did the most mundane things for you. It immediately took up its pace and reminded you of the exact reason why it still kept on beating.

Your fellow crows took a hell of time to gather just how deep the love of Kaz Brekker was. But once they did, saints were they both shocked and ecstatic.

All of them had their own doubts when they came to know of your relationship. Nobody was a stranger to the fact that both of you were extremely closed off people. Not opening more than what was necessary, and in the case of Kaz, not opening up at all.

But one look at the way you two understood each other without even having to express, made them believe that you two would make each other happy.

===============================

Dirtyhands had struck another deal with a man named Arken Viking. The plan seemed quite simple, understandable even when it was explained.

And naturally everybody was feeling good knowing that they had a hundred percent chance of survival as it wasn't a difficult mission by any means. It just had a lot of steps that needed to be followed and so all seven of them were heavily involved.

Jesper, Wylan, Kaz and Matthias were waiting for the other girls to arrive. It was the final task of the day and they would then carry on again tomorrow.

Jesper was the one to pace around, unable to sit still in one place. He hated waiting more than anything else. Ask him to put up some money for a gamble? It would be done without wasting a second. Task him with shooting something impossibly far away? He'd have it completed before you could say shoot. But staying put in one place, he couldn't do it.

It was only for Wylan engaging with him that he even sat for ten minutes.

"Where did they go?" He grumbled and finally got up, stretching his legs and walking to stand near the two men who stared ahead, their expressions tight.

"They're late," Matthias muttered, trying his best to hide the worry he felt for a specific one but it was useless, all of them knew about his feelings but him.

"It'll be fine, they'll be here soon," Wylan said, standing next to Jesper and blushing very slightly when the tall boy leaned his shoulder against his and let out a sigh.

"You're sure that there's no danger right, Kaz?" Jesper asked and looked at his boss who didn't look away. His eyes firmly set on the road in front of them.

"Yes," he spoke, sure of himself. But there was this slight, very tiny nagging in the back of his mind that something had gone terribly wrong and he clenched his jaw.

But all of their worries dissipated at seeing the silhouette of three women walking towards them.

Matthias let out a sigh of relief once he saw Nina's bright face, him sending a quick prayer to Djel for looking over the three.

Kaz felt himself lighten instantly, his previously tensed posture relaxed as he saw you looking positively unscathed. His eyes found yours instantly and you sent him a smile, while quickly closing the distance between you two.

"You're late," was all he said, his eyes sweeping over everyone before landing on your figure which was leaning against the wall, right next to him.

"Let us live a little, Brekker," Nina rolled her eyes while Inej shook her head, though she too smirked.

"We were worried," Wylan was the one to speak that was on the tip of everybody's tongue.

"All of you?" She said with a raised eyebrow, looking pointedly at Kaz who merely glared at her sharply.

"Obviously!" Jesper exclaimed. "Now that you're all here, we can finally get some well deserved rest. Kaz let's take a room somewhere, yeah?"

"We can't," he said, turning his eyes away from you, rather unwillingly actually.

"What do you mean we can't?"

"Use your eyes, Jes," Inej said with a teasing smile. "Do you see any shops, hotels or anything nearby?"

"Then where the hell are we sleeping?" Nina said with a incredulous look. "I am not going to lie down in the middle of the street!"

Jesper too looked alarmed at the prospect and whipped his head around to stare at their leader.

"You think I'd let everyone sleep on the roads?"

"Can't put anything past you at this point," she grumbled and you laughed making Kaz give you a disbelieving expression.

"There's a warehouse ten minutes from here, we'll stay there for the night".

All of them groaned loudly at the thought of walking once again but soon started their small journey. And once they had reached the place, Jesper quite literally threw open the doors and scanned the area.

"Clean enough," he shrugged and laid the small blankets they had brought onto the floor. "Good night then," he waved lazily and Wylan followed his lead but not before gazing fondly at him for a few seconds.

"You failed to mention this in you plan, Kaz," Nina shot him a look and dragged her belongings to the corner of the room, accompanied by Inej and Matthias.

"Let's sleep, shall we?" You said softly and he nodded, taking off his coat while you arranged the sheets and removed your shoes, sighing at finally being able to rest.

He laid down himself, his body close to yours so your arms brushed a little. "You're okay, aren't you?"

"I'm all good," you turned your head to face him, taking in his features that you so loved. From his dark brown eyes that softened at your reply to his hands placed in front of him, the pale skin shining under the minimum lighting present.

He gave a curt nod and scanned your face once before closing his eyes, depriving himself of your addictive beauty.

"Night," you whispered and turned on your side, one hand under your head for support and the other lying in front. He didn't reply but instead reach ahead to brush his thumb against your forearm and interlocking your little fingers together.

You smiled, him being the last thought in your mind before sleep overtook you.

The rest of the night passed in peace before it was time for the sunrise. Naturally Kaz, Inej and Matthias were the first ones to wake. The rest were all sleeping soundly and soft breaths echoed in the room.

Kaz was looking over the layout of the building once again, making sure that everything would go on without any problems or worries when suddenly your knee brushed against his.

He stiffened at the contact for a second before turning around to see you pulling your legs up to your chest and curling into a ball. He immediately spotted the goosebumps that littered your arms and an unnoticeable shiver pass through you.

His eyes searched for a spare blanket somewhere but found none as all were used as mattresses for everybody to lay on. A small frown marked his lips as his mind raced and landed on a conclusion.

He took his coat that he had used as a pillow and dusted it before gently putting it over your body. Your curled figure made it easier and he adjusted it, making sure the warm jacket covered you completely.

You involuntarily grabbed the collar, your eyes still shut and cuddled into it.

While he felt himself ease up with satisfaction and he shot you one last look, unable to keep the fondness away from his gaze and returned to check the papers.

Matthias who had been watching the unspoken exchange felt his insides warming up at seeing the cold and distant demeanour of Kaz Brekker melting a little for you.

===============================

Predictably, the heist was successful and no one had expected anything less. In fact, it had gone a little more than satisfactory. They had no troubles waiting for them inside the building and no distractions outside too.

So to conclude, everybody was high on the fact that they had managed to pull it off with such stealth.

They were all given their paychecks when they returned back home.

"Saints," Jesper sighed and lovingly twirled the kruge in his fingers while Wylan unknown to anyone else but you shot tiny daggers at those pieces of money.

You hid your smirk, keeping the check in your pocket and walked over to your friend, "I understand, Wy," you patted his shoulder sympathetically while he became red.

"What do you understand?" He asked hurriedly and avoided eye contact.

"Oh come on," you chuckled. "I know about your not so little feelings. You fancy him, don't you?"

"No I don't," he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe just a little," he added as an afterthought.

You just brought him in a comforting side hug, quite endeared by the boy and ruffled his already wild hair. "I hate to say it, but he's more oblivious than anyone".

"I know," he groaned in exasperation, resting his head on your shoulder as you were considerably taller than him.

"Planning to steal her from Brekker?" Nina's playful words broke their conversation making the others laugh.

"Who's stealing what from me?" The man himself entered, as usual being perfect in his timing of showing up at the most unnecessary of times.

Wylan immediately removed your arm from his shoulder but Kaz being himself obviously glimpsed it. His expression did not betray anything, it was carefully kept stoic and calm. But he couldn't fool you, there was a reason why he'd let you walk fearlessly into his locked up heart.

His eyes seemed sullen for just a fraction of second. He wasn't reacting on the joke, of course not. He was now used to the crows trying to make him jealous. But rather the thing that had made him feel lost, was touch.

His inability to provide you with every bit of himself was killing him inside. For heaven's sake he couldn't even bear to embrace you without feeling as though he were on the edge and one small step would make him fall deeper into the oceans.

He swallowed and averted his gaze making you stare at him even more, trying to figure out what was bothering him.

You got up from your place and went over to sit in a chair beside him, keeping the distance because you weren't sure if he was okay with the proximity or not. But then he himself shifted his chair, and your legs brushed making him pull away quickly.

"Kaz," you said worriedly, moving back a little. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied and you frowned. He knew very well that you could tell he was being untruthful.

He willed his mind to focus on you rather than his surroundings and took your hand in his, taking a deep breath despite the barrier of his glove.

But it wasn't enough, he felt the strange need to be even closer to you despite his brain screaming in denial. And for the second time in his life, he decided to go with his heart and looked you in the eyes, noticing your evident concern as you approached him cautiously.

He gave his surroundings a quick scan. It was only the seven of them and they were all minding their own business. He made a split decision and started taking the glove off of his right hand.

You didn't say anything, finally understanding that he needed your touch and you were more than happy to provide.

He stopped in his tracks after pulling it off, staring at his pale, vulnerable hand.

"It's okay," you whispered softly, fighting the urge to lean over yourself. "I'm here. It's just you and me. You can do this".

He looked unsure but slowly extended it towards you. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before, he had, but it had been quite a long time ago.

He gently brushed his fingertips over your palm and relaxed when no waters rose. He nudged his little finger with yours and looked up to see you before locking them.

Your face held a small, adoring smile. It was so simple, yet so complex. You squeezed gently once and he returned it instantly making you laugh softly.

He felt strange in a good way, as if he had accomplished everything he wanted when he had only heard the sound of your laughter.

"Okay you two stop your gossiping, it's dinner time," Jesper broke the moment and was rewarded with a threatening glare. He just grinned in return when his eyes fell on a hand, Kaz's hand to be specific and his mouth hung open slightly.

"Never seen a hand before?" Kaz raised an eyebrow and swiftly pulled on the glove.

He looked away, his mind still trying to figure it out as he grabbed the plates.

You stood up from your seat much to Kaz's displeasure who shot a heartbroken look your way that you missed. But Jesper caught on as he was sitting right opposite.

He'd never thought that he would live to see the day when Dirtyhands would look sad like a lovesick puppy. He was debating with himself whether he even saw it happening because the look was gone in less than a second, replaced by his usual dark gaze.

But he was cut off from his thoughts when you smiled at him, keeping a plate of food on the table. "Enjoy".

"Yeah, 'course love".

All of them were now sitting at the table for the first time in months. They just never seemed to have a time fixed that would match everyone's schedule. And for most part, they were all lazy as well.

You were sitting at the corner of the table with Nina at the opposite side, her having every bit of your attention at the moment as she chatted away happily much to the disappointment of the man sitting to your right.

"The cake is great, Nina," Inej complimented her and she gave her a wink in return.

"It is nice," Matthias agreed making the said chef blush despite her smirk.

"Yeah I love it," Wylan smiled brightly.

"Oh damn," you winced as the spoon fell down with a loud clatter, breaking the conversation for a bit before it resumed again.

Inej watched you with amusement, laughing at your resigned expression when you bent down to retrieve it with a sigh. But then her eyes widened in surprise.

Kaz Brekker, the most ruthless man she'd ever met was maybe not that uncaring. She merely watched as his hand went to cover the sharp corner of the table as if it was an everyday occurence.

And you got up, putting the spoon away to take a new one when you stopped mid-action to see a gloved hand had been placed inches above your head that would have definitely rubbed against the edge.

At the moment all that existed for you was the person sitting right next to you. You stared at him blankly, planting holes on the side of his face.

He, sensing it turned to look at you, raising his eyebrows as though to ask, 'What?'

But you just shook your head and offered him a small smile and you swore you saw his lip twitch slightly.

===============================

"Ready Inej?" You asked, as softly as you could muster though you were shaking inside, knowing that you two only had one shot at this.

"All ready," she whisperer back and crouched down slightly, preparing to jump.

A gunshot was heard and the guard was successfully distracted by the sound giving Inej some time to slip in between the shadows and enter the room.

You had no choice than to shoot a bullet and now they were all alarmed which would make escaping very difficult.

Your eyes squinted in the darkness as you surveyed the room, hoping no one caught a glimpse of you and praying to whichever Saint there was for Inej to finish her job.

"Come on," you muttered to yourself, your legs shaking with anticipation as it had easily been ten minutes since she had disappeared. "Where the hell are you?"

Just then you spotted some movement going on further to your left and loaded your gun while also keeping one hand on the scabbard tied around your waist. Your footsteps were barely heard as they travelled softly on the wooden floor.

Someone had definitely seen you and were on a hunt, all you could do was make sure to stay hidden perfectly. The darkness was surely an ally but an enemy too.

A loud thud was the only warning you had before someone knocked the air out of your lungs making you skid backwards. You gasped, hands pressed to your chest while taking in deep breaths and moving away from the man, buying yourself time. It didn't feel like your ribs had broken but it hurt nonetheless.

You wracked your brain for a sign of another presence but it was only him. "Viking," you growled in anger after he stepped into the light. "I should've known".

He simply chuckled darkly, "You didn't though. Even Brekker failed. So I think I did my work to perfection, yeah?"

"Who else have you got?"

"No one!" He said, sounding strangely happy and you believed him to be a psychopath. "But the same can't be said for you, am I right?"

But you just shrugged, knowing if you spoke he'd be able to distinguish because of your voice. You should think about asking Kaz to teach you how he managed to always control his tone perfectly. But that would only be possible if you got out of here alive.

Not saying another word you charged, knowing using a gun would prove to be dangerous for you if he snatched it from you. Unfortunately, one of your downfalls was thag you didn't have much of a strong grip. And so you took two knifes and attacked him from both sides.

He took on a few cuts, some going deep and you were scarred too. A small one painted your cheekbone, one on the side of your neck and some on your arms.

You fought for quite a time, both being bloody with sweat dripping off your bodies. It was only when you pretended to hit him from your left and he fell for the basic trick, blocking your attack and in turn giving you easy access to wedge your knife straight into his abdomen. You shot him too for safety measures and double checking.

"Motherfucker," you heaved a sigh, wincing after feeling the burn of the cuts littering you and the stickiness of blood. "Fucking finally!" You exclaimed when your friend came into view, panting slightly and you knew she had gotten into a fight as well.

"Atleast we're matching," she said with a smile and pointed at the similar scars on your forearms.

"Yeah sure," you laughed and quickly moved out, not wanting to personally invite trouble.

The journey back the the Slat was a peaceful one, as it always was with Inej. You talked about Arken's betrayal, the documents she'd found and copied and some amounts of kruge that was just lying on the desk.

"Well despite everything, atleast we got it done," you grimaced slightly and opened the door, immediately walking over to the bar to get yourself a shot atleast. You needed the liquor desperately.

"Oh you're h- Saints!" Wylan sputtered, taking in the bloody sight when you turned. "You're drinking whiskey?!"

"Wy," you said, trying to explain before you faced his wrath. "I needed it".

"Like hell you did," he shook his head and called Nina so urgently that anyone would think you were dying.

"Don't- Wylan-" you cut yourself off after seeing his glare.

"Calm your potions, she's not dying" Nina Zenik said after one glance at your figure lounging in the chair.

"But she's injured!"

"Injury and death don't mean the same thing! And she looks alright to me except for a few cuts. Oh you and Inej have matching tattoos now," she said with a laugh.

"Jesper!" You summoned your gunslinger and he appeared right before you. "Take your man away or I'm going to actually die".

The boy got out of his haze of sering you all bruised and bloodied up before smirking a little and throwing a wink. He took hold of Wylan's arm and dragged his away.

"Matthias get me some bandages would you?" Nina asked as she healed the cuts and Matthias who had finished dressing Inej's arm walked over to you.

"Ouch woman!" You groaned and threw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

"It's the size of a paper cut! You don't shout this much when you have a literal bullet in your shoulder".

"They hurt more".

She rolled her eyes though a smile was present on her face as she cleaned the blood from your neck and healed the long cut there.

"Where's Kaz?" You asked, not wanting to admit that you had missed him and wanted to be in his presence.

"He's out somewhere, probably finding another deal," Matthias sighed and bandaged your palm.

After some time you were all healed though the scars were as clear as day. You didn't mind them at all because you were convinced they made you look even more terrifying and beautiful.

"You all okay?" You questioned Inej who was sharpening her collection of knives.

"I always am," she smiled and took your knife to sharpen making you give her a grateful look.

It was now almost past eleven at night and you were sitting on the bed in Kaz's room waiting for him. You wanted to see him, had longed for him after being away for almost an entire day.

And the Saints did answer your plea albeit a while later. You heard the familiar tap of his cane and heavy footsteps as he climbed the staircase and opened the door. His eyes sharp but relaxing upon seeing you.

"Mission went well?" He asked and took off his coat and hat while walking towards you and slumping down on the bed.

"Yes, though Arken's betrayal was a great bit of surprise," you said and sat up, unconsciously putting weight on your elbows and arms in doing so and hissing hissing angrily, clutching your sore muscles.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately but when you didn't answer, he got up to turn on the lights and saw your scrunched up face.

And one by one he took notice of the bruises that were turning black and blue, bandages being wrapped around your palm and bicep and a thin but prominent scar on your neck. He swallowed the unfamiliar restlessness, fighting the urge to wrap you in his arms and kill the man who had injured you so badly.

"You're hurt," he stated as though you weren't aware of it and closed the distance, sitting as close to you as possible. "You're hurt," he repeated, his eyes flicking from every part of you back to your eyes.

"I was, I'm okay now".

"Who?" He all but spat out, his insides burning with hatred.

"Arken. But I killed him, don't worry".

He eased a little and removed his gloves, cautiously reaching forward to hold your bandaged palm in both of his hands. His breath hitched at the coldness and you made a move to pull away but his grip tightened and he shook his head firmly.

Slowly but surely he relaxed again, feeling comfortable as he unknowingly cradled your hand with such gentleness that you closed your eyes. His fingers traced the edge of the white material, rubbing slow circles.

He suddenly looked up and your breath got caught in your throat at the sheer proximity between you two. You were so close that you could feel the air he heavily exhaled and a faint blush was quick to rise on your cheeks. His dark brown irises staring intently into yours with a flame of possessiveness.

His eyes dipped down to your lips before moving to the scar on your cheekbone and his eyebrows furrowed just a tiny bit. He raised his hand once again, he had only done it once before and the feeling was a huge rival to drowning.

His jaw tightened when the tip of his index finger touched your jaw as softly as a feather. Despite wanting to stay still, you couldn't help it and leaned into his hand, conveying the message that you needed more.

He understood and gritted his teeth, carefully sliding his palm upwards to cup your cheek. His chest expanded as he released the pent up frustration.

This feeling, it was a rival to heaven.

Now that he had touched your skin, he craved more. His thumb softly caressed the scar like it may disappear under his brush. The finger moved at a leisurely pace, soaking in the beautiful feeling for as long as he could hold on.

You couldn't bring yourself to talk after witnessing the tenderness that oozed from his touches and caresses. It was like nothing you had experienced before. The moment felt so precious and for good reason.

You smiled at him, your eyes displaying the immense love that your heart held only for him and also silently thanked him.

He noticed. Of course he did.

And he offered you a gorgeous smile of his own. His lips stretching though not too wide but it was perfect for you and you fell for him yet again.

You found home in his smile and he saw love in your eyes.

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calyxthenerd · 22 days

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I HAD A GENIUS IDEA FOR AN AU! it goes like this: Jordie refuses Pekka Rollings’ offer, him and Kaz get sick anyway, Jordie dies, Kaz grieves normally without his need for revenge and he keeps his birthname, he still struggles with ptsd but eventually becomes a street magician

Than one day he wanders into the menagerie for some reason and he sees Inej doing tricks onstage and he’s like “that girl has potential!” So he pays off Tante Heleen with something that he probably stole (because it’s still Kaz) and recruits her into his show

Then in comes Jesper, looking to pay off his gambling debts, wicked gun skills (as shown when he was fighting off a bunch of guys who were demanding he pay them and Inej saw them when she was scoping out new talent for her boyfriend boss), so he joined their show too, and he demonstrates his shooting skills (and helps build/fix stuff with his grisha skills) and Wylan, who gets hired for his flute skills, and does special effects with it, and also kisses the sharpshooter on occasion

And then there’s Nina and Matthias, Nina was desperate for work when she docked into Ketterdam so she could get Matthias out of hellgate as soon as possible, and when Inej told her how good the hand to hand combat of the girl who was also a Corporalki and had showed up a few weeks ago were he hired her right then, and since Kaz is nicer in this au, he agrees quicker and gets the contacts he acquired in the gang who’s territory they perform on when he made a deal with them for a cut of the profits of their shows in exchange for protection to get Matthias out, so Nina is there as their main security during their performances and to make sure Inej’s muscles stay fresh and don’t strain too hard (Kaz was very worried about her), and Matthias is there as a meat shield in case people don’t take Nina seriously (and also to haul stuff around when needed)

#kaz brekker #kaz rietveld #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #six of crows #six of crows au

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i-love-soc-a-very-normal-amount · 7 months

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Reasons to read Six of Crows

1. Actually good representation

- all the crows have ptsd of some sort that actually affect their actions

- religion also affects their actions (eg. Inej with her saints and unwilling to kill, Matthias with djel)

- Jesper and inej are darker skinned

- wylan is gay and jesper and Nina are bi

- wylan has dyslexia that he's really ashamed of because of his father(and when he told Kaz he(Kaz) literally just shrugged!!)

- Kaz is physically disabled (his leg) and needs to use a cane

2. Nina is canonically thick and curvy but is still described as beautiful and badass

3. Again with Nina

- she does eat more than the other crows and they don't judge her for it

- when she starts to eat less bc of parem her friends panic and try to get her to eat more

- and when she starts eating again they're so fucking happy

4. All the crows have their own horrible backstory and yet none of them have ever been in a toxic relationship

5. The boundaries that characters set are actually respected (eg. Kaz with his gloves and no-touch rule)

6. It's so funny ("My ghost won't associate with your ghost", "I'm going to get someone to burn my kruge for me / you could pay someone to pay someone to burn your kruge / I'll pay someone to pay someone to pay someone to burn my kruge / you know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone...", "MAYBE I LIKED YOUR STUPID FACE" among other examples)

7. There are such impactful and beautiful quotes ("I would come for you", "I have been made to protect you" etc)

9. To elaborate with the 'horrible backstory' thing

- Inej is a victim of sex trafficking

- Wylan was nearly murdered by his father's men for not being able to read

- Matthias was brainwashed from a young age to hate Grisha

- Nina (and other Grisha) were kidnapped and abused by Matthias and his fellow drüskelle

- Jesper's mum died when he was 7 years old

- Kaz's dad died when Kaz was 9 and left him and his older brother (Jordie) to sell the farm and go to Ketterdam. Jordie died from a plague a short time later and Kaz had to use Jordie's dead, plague-ridden body to swim to shore after being mistaken as dead and loaded onto the Reapers' Barge along with Jordie and then find a way to survive with no money and no family to go to

#its just an amazing story in general #it changed my life for the better #that may be a bit of an exaggeration but who cares #ill add to this when i remember other bits #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #soc #ck #gv #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #idkwhattoputhere123

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webslinger-holland · 1 year

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Hi I absolutely loved heal his heart and saw someone say your request are open so I was wondering if u could write kaz brekker x sick reader just how he would take care of her. I’m sick right now and it’s kicking my arse lmao

Hope nice day :)

Deathly Fever | Kaz Brekker

Warning: mentions of severe illness, mentions of traumatic childhood, mentions of needles and bloodletting

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Over the past few weeks, Kerch had become a victim to a new disease brought from the harbor. It spread rapidly, mainly through air circulation and proximity. Many people speculated that the disease originated from Shu Han as a few cases had been reported from there. Other than the few cases, there was really no proof of where it came from.

People began calling it the 'fragile fever.' This was because the first symptom to show was a high fever and people grew quite frail due to their weakened state. The Shu were working frantically to find some kind of antibiotic that would dissolve the bacterial infection, but they had no success thus far.

The number of casualties was rising rapidly, reporting nearly fifty deaths each day. It acted fast and could take a life in less than twenty-four hours. Ketterdam had fallen into a very dark time.

Being part of the Crows, Y/n was always busy with something. She often ran errands for the group, choosing to buy the needed supplies for most of their heists.

It was now mid-afternoon. She was heading back to the club for the day with a much needed roll of parchment and a new container of ink for her boss. She felt incredibly hot and had even broken out in a sweat despite it being particularly cold that day. She brushed it off as her wearing one too many layers.

Back at the Crow Club, the small group of six were gathered to sit around one of the empty tables. The club wasn't supposed to open for another two hours. In the meantime, the group worked on planning for their next heist. They talked amongst themselves.

"Another ten announced dead from the Financial District," Jesper announced with his nose buried in a newspaper. He dropped the paper onto the table.

"It's moving west," Inej realized. She briefly glanced down at the paper.

"Could reach the Barrel any day now," Matthias claimed. He had been leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.

"No news from the Shu?" Wylan asked Jesper. His voice hopeful.

"Nothing that the papers are reporting," Jesper stated. He directed his gaze to look at his boss who sat across from him at the table. He could see that he was deep in thought. "Thoughts on closing the club?" Jesper wondered.

The others turned their heads and looked at their leader expectedly. But Kaz kept his gaze on the silver crow head attached to his cane. He pursed his lips together in thought before shaking his head at the notion.

"No," Kaz said firmly. "We need the business and we need the money."

In that exact moment, the long wooden doors swung open to announce the arrival of someone. The six crows immedielty shifted their gaze towards the source of the noise. Their eyes landed on the familiar figure of the seventh member of the crew. Though, she didn't look quite like herself.

She was covered in a thick layer of sweat, which was clearly evident on her face. She panted heavily to herself; her chest heaving with each breath she took. It looked like she had been running, but she truly hadn't been. The color was robbed from her face.

"I'm...back," Y/n said slowly and breathlessly. She sent them a weak smile, shuffling towards a nearby table to lower her supplies down.

The others quickly looked between each other as if expecting to find some kind of explanation. In the back, Kaz slowly rose to his feet with the help of his cane. His eyes remained on her frail figure.

"Y/n," Kaz called warningly.

It was almost like she didn't hear him because she just kept organizing the things she had brought back to them. Unbeknownst to all of them, Nina moved her hands in a particular motion underneath the table. She sensed her rapid heartbeat, which ultimately meant she probably had a fever.

"Kaz," Nina whispered under her breath. She discreetly turned her head to glance at him through the corner of her eye. "Her heartbeat," Nina began.

He didn't need to be told anything else. He knew what this meant. He inhaled a sharp breathe. He was rudely reminded of his haunting past with disease and how it claimed the life of his brother. He shuddered at the mere thought.

For a brief moment, Y/n felt the entire room go silent. She saw these black splotches begin to cloud her vision. Her head felt light almost. Before she knew it, Y/n had completely lost her footing and had fallen unconscious to the floor.

Without hesitation, the six crows had jumped to their feet in order to rush to her side. It had been Nina who had gotten to her first. She grabbed her shoulder to shift her body to lay on her side. Her fingers hovered over her chest to feel for a heartbeat.

Kaz stood towering over Nina's knelt figure, watching her with hawk eyes. Inej had closed her eyes to say a silent prayer in the background. Jesper had taken Wylan into his arms to bring him some form of comfort. Matthias stood there with as much anticipation as the others.

"She's alright. Just unconscious," Nina announced which made the whole group release a sigh of relief.

"Matthias, take her up to my office." Kaz ordered immediately.

In response, Matthias had dropped down to the floor right beside Nina. He slipped his large arm underneath the unconscious girl's neck, linking his other one under the hook of her legs. He checked to make sure she was secure in his arms.

"Inej, go fetch the doctor." Kaz turned to her. She immediately left their company without another word. "Wylan and Jesper, head down to the market to get medical supplies." Kaz finished.

The two boys nodded their heads understandingly. They rushed towards the entrance with the intent of running to the market as quickly as they could so they could return as soon as possible.

"I'll stay with Nina," Kaz said mostly to himself.

Now Matthias had risen to his feet with the much smaller girl in his arms. He tried to handle her with the utmost care, knowing that if he didn't, Kaz might just have his head. He carefully made his way up the spiral staircase with Nina and Kaz trailing behind him.

Nina went to open the door to Kaz's office. She stepped out of the way so that Matthias could slip through the opening of the office. He stood still for a moment, indecisive of what to do next and where he needed to put her.

"Right over there," Kaz gestured to the sole crimson couch in the corner. So Matthias moved towards the crimson couch. He leaned down to lower the body onto the surface of the couch.

Once Y/n was comfortably laid down, Matthias took a step back so that Nina could sit beside her and Kaz could monitor it all. Nina kept her hand hovering over her chest, concentrating on feeling the pace of her heart rate. She brought her other hand to the side of her dear friend's face, shifting some loose strands of hair out of her face.

Her hair had begun to stick to her skin. Her shirt had a noticeably sweat stain around her neckline. Her breathing was wavering slightly. She looked so sickly up close.

All of the sudden, Kaz didn't see one of his crew members laying on his couch, but instead, the image was replaced of his dead brother who was still covered in those deathly firepox spots and whose eyes had been glazed over. The haunting feeling of his skin being so cold and damp. It gave him chills just thinking about it.

The memories only forced him to turn his head away from the scene. He squeezed his eyes tightly as if trying to push out the images flashing through his mind. He felt a strong sense of bile rising in the back of his throat, threatening to release if he didn't get a grip on himself.

Unable to handle his thoughts any longer, Kaz had left the room in a hurry despite hearing Nina and Matthias calling after him. He slammed the door shut behind him, holding the handle tightly between his leather gloves.

He pressed his backside against the surface of the door and allowed his head to fall back. He closed his eyes once again. His breathing began to increase in speed as he failed to get the sickly image of one of his crows out of his head. His hands shifted to grasp onto the head of the crow cane, keeping him steady.

After a couple minutes of waiting outside, Kaz began to pace back and forth in front of the door. He ignored the slight ache in his right leg. All of the sudden, Jesper and Wylan came clambering up the staircase. They each held a small wooden crate full of vials, rags, and healing herbs.

Upon seeing Kaz, Jesper had halted in his place. He narrowed his eyes at him as if trying to figure out what was going on, but he couldn't figure it out. He cleared his throat to get his boss's attention.

"Got the supplies, boss." Jesper stated.

"Bring them to Nina. She'll know what to do," Kaz did not stop pacing.

With a single nod, Wylan went to enter the office with his supplies. Jesper went to follow him, but he stopped one final time. He stood directly in front of his boss.

"Coming?" Jesper wondered.

Kaz shook his head in denial. He refused to look at him. He took a single step forward to continue his pacing, pressing the tip of his cane against the solid wood floorboards.

In slight defeat, Jesper decided to drop the subject. He turned to walk into the office, joining the others in their attempt to bring their dear friend out of an unconscious state.

Time began to pass.

Before anyone knew it, the large celestial clock of a full moon was hanging high over Ketterdam. The skyline had outstretched its black view of night over the entire city. The stars were sprinkled against the dark sky, almost like salt spread across a table. The lights of the city glowed yellow in the night.

By now, though it had only been a few hours, Y/n's state had taken a turn for the worst. She still failed to wake up. Heavy bags lingered under her eyes and her eyelids had grown darker in color. Her face was still drained of all color and her sweat continued to be an existing condition.

The doctor had been called earlier. He had arrived no more than an hour prior. He checked for the usual symptoms for which he had been seeing every day now. He worked in complete silence. The five crows stood around him and could not take their eyes away.

In the background, Kaz made sure to make no noise as he reentered the office. He stood in the dark corner as he did not really want to be seen by anybody. He held his breathe in anticipation, awaiting to hear the doctor's diagnosis.

Ever so slowly, the doctor lowered her hand back down onto the couch since he had just finished taking her pulse. He reached up to remove the circular glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He turned his body around in the chair to address the others.

"Well?" Jesper asked rather impatiently.

"Is she going to be alright?" Inej asked worriedly.

"It's hard to tell," the doctor shook his head.

"Well, what is it? Is it the fever?" Nina persisted. Her fingers pinched a little gold necklace around her neck to ease her nerves.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor replied. "She has all the symptoms."

"What can you do for her?" Wylan pushed.

"Not much I can do," the doctor sighed. He went to open his medical bag, taking out a rather large empty syringe.

"W-what's that?" Wylan practically trembled at the sight.

"It's an option. I can try to bleed her, see if any of the bacteria can be extracted..." his voice trailed off despite his urge to further explain himself.

"But?" Jesper wondered.

"If I bleed her, it might finish her."

Upon hearing this, Nina closed her eyes as if trying to prevent the tears from falling. Matthias went to wrap his arm around her shoulder. Inej began another little prayer to herself. Jesper wiped his mouth with the palm of his hand.

"There is no promise I can save her," the doctor confessed truthfully. "The fever acts fast. Her body grows weaker with each second. I need to know now if you want to to proceed with this."

Hesitantly, the five other crows had turned their heads and looked over to their boss standing in the corner. His eyes remained on the wooden floorboards since he was contemplating his options. He closed his eyes to ignore the stares coming his way.

Even then, Kaz still could not look at her. He couldn't even face his crows, coming to the realization that they were dependent on him to make the final decision on this. He thought for a moment.

"Do what you need to do," Kaz said finally.

Over the next hour, the doctor worked ever so carefully. He had successfully inserted a long tube into her arm to transfer some blood out of her system. The excess blood fed into a single porcelain bowl.

In the given moment, Jesper and Wylan were sitting in one of the corners of the room. They talked quietly to themselves. Meanwhile, Inej had been kneeling at the foot of the bed with her hands folded and her head bowed in prayer. She hadn't gotten up since. Then Matthias was pacing the room as he grew more anxious and nervous with each passing second.

All the while, Kaz remained in his own dark corner. He stood leaning against the wall with the help of his cane for support. Anytime Kaz's eyes fell on the familiar figure on the couch, the haunting memories of his brother came flooding back into his mind. He opted to keep his eyes shut to keep the memories out.

Now Nina came back into the room with a bowl full of cold water. She held a dry rag in the other hand, carrying both of them to the small side table beside the couch. She went to dip the rag into the bowl of water, wringing it out afterwards.

She proceeded to place the wet rag on the sickly girl's forehead in hopes of relieving the heat she felt in her head and to bring down her fever. In response, Y/n turned her head from side to side father slowly. She moaned at the feeling.

After a moment, the doctor removed the single tube from her forearm. He cleaned it off with a spare handkerchief. Then he stood to his feet and took hold of his medical bag. He went to leave the room, but was ultimately stopped by the leader of the group. He halted suddenly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Kaz quirked an eyebrow at the doctor.

"I have other patients to see. Others like her who are dying right now," the doctor insisted while gesturing to the patient behind him. Kaz closed his eyes upon hearing the word 'dying.'

"Name your price," Kaz grumbled under his breath.

"I-I can't stay here," the doctor shook his head in denial. "I have to help others."

In any other situation, Kaz would have stopped the man before he could leave the room. He'd force him to stay there until she got better. He'd pay him all the money in the world if it meant that he could do something to help her. But alas, this time, Kaz let the man go.

Before leaving, the doctor came to a slow halt in his steps. He dropped his head down in slight defeat. He realized that he couldn't do much to help her and he wished he could have done more.

"She's contagious," the doctor announced. He stole a quick glance at the young faces around the room. "If you value your life, you should leave town as soon as you can."

The six crows were able to remain unfazed by the doctor's comment. They glanced between one another, mentally wondering if they were all thinking the same thing.

"No mourners," Kaz began.

"No funerals," the others agreed.

Without another word, the doctor dismissed himself from the company of the crows. The rest of them were left there, slightly uncertain of what to do next. There was a beat of silence.

"We'll take shifts," Nina announced, stepping forward. "Switch every three hours," Nina suggested.

"I'll take the first shift," Wylan offered with a slight raise of the hand.

"I will too," Inej said while standing to her feet.

Over the span of a week's time, the crows had taken turns alternating shifts. It operated in a smooth manner: Wylan and Inej, Matthias and Nina, Jesper and Kaz. Though oftentimes, Jesper was left alone during the shift because Kaz just couldn't stand the sight.

The doctor was only able to come briefly every other day, checking for any signs of improvement. Though they were all running low on energy and sleep, they couldn't begin to imagine how the doctor was since he looked like he hadn't gotten sleep in a whole week.

The city was restless. More people were dying every day. There were a limited number of doctors. They often were forced to pick their work from the person who could pay the most. This left the poor people dying on the streets with no medicine and no doctor at their disposal. Death leaned heavy over the city, claiming the lives of countless innocents.

During the early shift, Inej and Wylan would do anything in their power to make sure their dear friend was comfortable. They tried propping up pillows or covering her with blankets. Inej always prayed over her and Wylan liked to swipe the sweat off her brow with a wet cloth.

In the afternoon, Nina and Matthias were tasked with trying to feed her broth. They would shift her into a sitting position. Nina sat next to her and let Y/n lean her body against her side. This meant that her head was often tucked into the nook of the heartrender's neck. Then Nina raised a small wooden bowl of broth to her lips and helped her drink the warm liquid.

Matthias had to sit in front of the two women. He always made sure that she didn't fall over and that she remained conscious if possible. He wanted to help in any way possible.

In the evening, Jesper and Kaz took on their shift. Out of all the crows, Jesper was the one who tried to defuse the awkward tension. He refused to believe that one of his closest friends was on the brink of death. So Jesper talked.

Especially when Kaz stepped out of the room, Jesper talked to her about anything and everything under the sun. It was almost as if they were just having a regular conversation, but she never responded back. He truly believed that she could hear him though and this encouraged him to keep talking.

Though Y/n had regained consciousness, she was far too weak to even open her eyes or move her mouth to speak. She ate rather slowly and drank little water. Her throat burned with each swallow and her breathes had become strained from effort.

On one particular night, Kaz needed to step out of the room for his own reasons. As soon as the door closed, Jesper directed his attention to the figure who lay on the couch. He leaned forward in slight anticipation.

"This is killing him, you know? Kaz," Jesper said in a low tone of voice.

Upon receiving no verbal feedback, Jesper crossed his arms over the stretch of his chest. He breathed a long sigh of defeat. It felt like their efforts did nothing to help her. They saw no improvement. And it was so disheartening.

"I am already the looks of the operation," Jesper said cockily as always. His cheeky smile faded. His heart became overwhelmed with pure sadness. He felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "I really don't want to be the heart now too," Jesper nearly chocked.

Without thinking, Jesper scooted forward in the wooden chair. He took hold of her limp hand with both of his own. He raised her hand to his lips, pressing a small kiss to the back of it. Then he leaned forward to rest his head against her hand. He cried softly to himself.

"I don't want you to feel bad if you have to go," Jesper cried. He lifted his head which meant the tears rolled down his cheeks. "We'll be alright," Jesper nodded.

Unbeknownst to him, Kaz had quietly opened the door in the background. His hand lingered on the door handle. He kept the door open just slightly to hear the conversation.

"I know what he means to you. And I know what you mean to him, even if he won't let you see it," Jesper added with a slight smile. "I'll look after him. I promise you that," Jesper whispered finally.

Suddenly, Jesper rose to his feet. He went to wipe the tears out of his eyes, sniffling once or twice in the process. He cleared his throat before saying what he thought would be a final goodbye. He pressed a single kiss to the top of her head.

"Goodbye, old friend."

When Jesper had turned around in his place, he was slightly surprised to see his boss standing in the middle of the room. He looked away as if he was embarrassed by his own tears. Instead of addressing it, Jesper simply pushed past him to leave the room and closed the door behind him. And it was just the two of them.

For the first time, Kaz went to sit in front of her. He was careful to lower himself into the wooden chair, forcing most of his weight to lean on his cane. He rested for a beat.

Lowering his gaze to stare down at his black leather gloves, Kaz tried not to think about the painful memories. He just couldn't shake the image of seeing his brother's dead corpse, lifeless and unmoving just like she had nearly been all week.

Now Kaz forced himself to take a deep breath before lifting his line of sight to settle on her sleeping figure. Instead of seeing his dead brother, Kaz was overwhelmed at the mere sight of one of his dearest friends. He wasn't an emotional person normally; he always hid his emotions rather well.

But finally being able to look at her made a part of him break inside. His heart physically ached in pain. He clenched his jaw in order to keep the tears at bay. He felt the anger rising within him.

Why did this have to happen again to him? Why was the world so against him? If saints truly exist, why didn't they save his brother or her by now?

He grew angry at the world just like he had been when Jordie died. He wanted his revenge, but this time, there was nobody to get revenge on. He couldn't help her and couldn't save her.

"I..." Kaz's voice trailed off because he couldn't think of the words.

His eyes trailed down from her face to her hand that was tucked at her side. He slowly moved his hand forward so he could take her hand into his gloved ones. He held her hand.

In a way, Kaz wanted the gesture to bring her some sense of comfort. It acted as a way for her to know that he was there beside her. But in a way, it became more of a comfort for him as he realized she was still with him. She hadn't left yet.

"I'm sorry," Kaz said for the first time.

The Bastard of the Barrel had never been known to apologize to anyone. However, in this particular moment, Kaz felt utterly hopeless. He wished to save her, but he knew he couldn't and he was sorry for it.

"We always say 'no mourners, no funerals.' But I think if you left us...I would mourn for you," Kaz confessed truthfully. "I'd mourn every day for the rest of my life, thinking back on all the times I could have said something about my..."

For his sake, Kaz chose not to finish that sentence. He feared a confession would bring him too much pain at a time like this. He'd save it for now.

"Doesn't matter now," Kaz shook his head. "You'll leave me now here soon. Just like Jordie."

In utter defeat, Kaz rose to his feet and let go of her hand in the process. He went to leave the room without another word. He closed the door behind him as if trying to close another chapter of his life. He couldn't handle it anymore. He broke.

In the very early hours of the morning, Kaz was awoken by a single sun beam hitting the side of his face. He opened his eyes to realize that he had fallen asleep in a chair downstairs. His line of sight was directed to the perch above the club and to the door of his office. It was slightly ajar.

Now Kaz didn't think much of it. That was until he heard a soft sobbing sound coming from upstairs. His heart plummeted into the deepest and darkest confines of his chest. Was she...

The hardest thing he had to do was stand to his feet as he almost felt like he didn't have the energy anymore. He forced himself to climb the spiral staircase, stopping at the very top. He saw Inej sitting on the floor beside the door. Her hands covered her face as she let out small sobs.

Just then, the door of the office opened slightly more. His right hand man stepped out of the room with large tears in his eyes. He took a single step forward to stand in front of his boss. Then Jesper broke out in a smile.

This look was all that Kaz needed. He pushed right past him to enter the room in a hurry. He halted in his steps.

Upon hearing someone enter the room rather loudly, Wylan had turned his head towards the door and revealed Y/n who was sitting up on the couch. She sat next to Nina who was making sure she didn't fall over and who was helping her drink some water.

For some unknown reason, Y/n looked like herself again. All the color had returned to her face. She wasn't covered in a thick layer of sweat since her fever dropped. The dark bags under her eyes had also disappeared from sight. Her eyes were so wide open. Had they always been that color? She looks different; she looks beautiful.

It all made sense now. Inej had been crying tears of joy because her prayers had finally been answered. Jesper had to leave the room because he was so overwhelmed with emotions. She made it through. She was a survivor.

Rather slowly, Kaz limped across the stretch of the room. He refused to take his eyes off her in fear that this all might be some kind of horrid dream. The other crows looked between the two of them, knowing that there was some type of unspoken thing. He stopped right in front of her.

"You're okay," Kaz breathed in a soft whisper. "You didn't..."

"Leave you? Never," Y/n smiled in retort.

"I-I thought I'd lost you," Kaz spoke as if the others weren't in the room. She only smiled up at him.

"You can't get rid of me that easy."

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker smut #kaz brekker oneshot #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker series #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows

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midnight-rain-fics · 2 years

Text

Hoax

{Part 2}

{Fandom: Grishaverse}

{Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader}

Summary: Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason. But this time he had one. He had a reason to want to push Helvar off a cliff because he kept making Y/N smile and blush. Kaz just didn’t want to admit the reason was jealousy.

“Your faithless love's the only hoax

I believe in

Don't want no other shade of blue

But you”

There was something churning in his stomach, something Kaz was becoming quite familiar with lately. It had first started when he had seen Matthias talking with Y/N.

There was a smile on her face, cheeks flushed as she animatedly talked to him about something.

Kaz did not know what they had been talking about because as soon as he saw them, his stomach dropped and his heart twisted painfully in his chest.

The feeling had only gotten worse since then. And so had Matthias' advances. Kaz didn't know what was going on with the fjerdan but he seemed intent on following Y/N around lately.

It was driving Kaz up the wall, but not because he was jealous. Kaz was absolutely not jealous of the blonde-haired beef slab of the man who Y/N granted her smiles and laughs to as if they were free currency.

He was not jealous that Matthias could touch Y/N's bare hand so casually, so easily. Kaz Brekker had no reason or right to be jealous.

He was just...concerned. Yes, he was concerned that Matthias would distract Y/N from her job and he could not have one of his best crows losing focus.

That was all.

Kaz's head snapped towards the kitchen where Y/N's bell-like laughter sounded, his feet carried him towards the sound before he could decide against it.

His lips thinned into a scowl as he noticed just who was making Y/N laugh. Kaz, for the life of him, could not figure out what the dour fjerdan have possibly said that had Y/N bestowing him with such a wide smile.

Something on the left side of his chest hurt at seeing that smile directed at Matthias. And the churning in his stomach was back. Great.

He should have just left Matthias in Hellgate.

"Kaz" Y/N noticed him, and finally, finally, Helvar stepped away from her as she motioned to a bowl of what looked like cookie dough mixed with too many chocolate chips, "we are making cookies"

"Don't burn down the kitchen" Kaz gritted out, earning an eye roll from her but the small smile playing on her lips told him she was far from annoyed. His traitor heart did that unusual thing it did whenever she smiled at him.

"As if, Y/N's the best baker in the barrel" Nina comments as she enters the kitchen, scooping some of the cookie batter with a finger and licking it off.

"Nina!" Y/N chastises the heartrender, even as a blush spreads on the apples of her cheek. There's an unbearable itch in his fingers to just lean forward and put his gloved fingers on those red cheeks, just to see if the colour could spread further.

The thought leaves him as soon as it came, beaten away to that dark corner of his mind he doesn't bother looking at anymore.

Kaz ignores the nausea that follows the thought.

Nina winks at Y/N, leaning across the kitchen counter and planting her lips on those lovely cheeks as she sneaks in another scoop of the batter.

"No more, Nina or you won't get any cookies" Matthias scolds her, taking away the bowl as Y/N swats at Nina's arm, who only offers her a wry grin.

A horrible feeling seeped into his bones as he watched Y/N with Matthias and Nina. He was an outsider to this world, their world where Y/N did not spend her sleepless nights in her boss' office, sitting in an uncomfortable chair but instead in the embrace of two familiar faces.

Wordlessly, he slipped out of the kitchen, the weight of the cane clutched painfully in his hand grounding him to the present as he trudged up the stairs.

"Kaz" Y/N's voice called out from the bottom of the stairs. Kaz released a sharp exhale and turned to face her.

It was never easy. Looking at her, feeling so much and not being able to say anything. She looked at him with concern shining in her eyes, the deep set of her brows furrowed, "you could stay until the cookies are done, it won't take long"

"I have work to do" the thinning of her lips in resignation was a sharper blade than any knife she could have stabbed him with.

"Right" Y/N nodded once, looking down at the ground, Kaz could almost feel her wringing her hands behind her back, a nervous habit she had picked up lately. Before that, she used to fiddle with the sleeves of her coat.

His coat.

The coat she had borrowed from him on a heist because hers had been torn and he had just never asked for it back. He didn't want to.

She still wore it whenever she went out. It suited her. His coat suited her.

Kaz swallowed the lump in his throat.

Y/N opened her mouth, as if to speak and then closed it, deciding against saying whatever was on the tip of her tongue. She looked up at him and turned around, walking away from him.

Kaz ignored the empty space in his chest that she left in her wake.

The scratching of pen on paper was the only sound heard as Y/N knocked on Kaz's door, a plate of cookies in her hand.

"Go away, Jesper"

"It's not Jesper"

A silence followed before Y/N heard him whisper, "come in"

Kaz was sitting at his desk, eyes focused on the paperwork, dark hair styled back with a few pieces falling messily in his face.

Y/N's heart hurt at the sight, a rush of affection overcame her and her lips pursed at the sight.

Damn Brekker, damn him and his devastatingly handsome face. And his thrice-damned heart that was guarded more securely than the Ice Court.

"I brought cookies"

"I don't like cookies"

Y/N raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him as she placed the plate of cookies on his desk, a safe distance away from his paperwork that was sprawled everywhere, "I didn't take you for being a bad liar, Kaz"

"Your baking is aptly edible but I don't trust whatever Helvar put in these" Kaz rasped, finally looking up to meet her eyes.

Y/N rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face, "He didn't bake them, I did. He was just keeping me company"

"He has been been doing that a lot lately, keeping you company” Kaz scowled, unable to help himself, his grip tightened on the pen in his grasp.

"Is there a problem?" Y/N’s lips pursed in agitation, she had a feeling Kaz wanted to say something but he wouldn’t. He never did.

"No, there is no reason yours and Helvar's companionship would be a problem” Even saying the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

But it was the truth.

There was no reason for Kaz Brekker to be jealous of Matthias or Nina or anyone who made her smile and blush. And yet he was.

He was jealous.

The realization made him clench his jaw and look down at the papers on his desk, even as his gaze was unfocused, “close the door on your way out”

It was a clear dismissal. And sharp. Too sharp.

Y/N nodded, biting her cheek to stop herself from saying something that she would regret later. That they would both regret later.

She had a poisonous tongue, a stark contrast from her sunny disposition and she never wanted to say something to purposefully hurt anyone of the crows.

They were her family, even if one of them was being particularly petty today.

She really needed to do something about her stupid crush on him.

“Enjoy your cookies” Y/N gritted out as she turned to walk away, “or choke on them” she added, bitterly.

Sometimes, she really couldn’t help herself.

She had clearly not meant for him to hear the last part but he did. He watched her walk away, forehead creased in frustration at his own shortcomings.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows x reader #matthias helvar x reader

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doc0bill · 2 months

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hot take ig?

Am I the only one who doesn’t want another SoC book? Not that it wouldn’t be welcomed but I feel like the duology was done perfectly. It’s a beautifully written complete story.

I just don’t think fanservice is a good enough reason to write a book.

In RoW we saw how the characters are:

Inej in the sea being a slaver hunting legend (as she should queen), Kaz being the barrel boss after getting his revenge, wylan and Jesper living peacefully, Nina being a fejrdan queen under false identity (i have… ambivalent feelings towards this storyline) and Matthias… 6 ft under…

I just don’t see how it’ll work

(Also the possibility of another one of them dying is just not it okay I’ve suffered enough)

#srry not srry #like I love them ofc #but what Leigh did with Nina proved to me that we should leave the story alone cause it’s perfect as it is #in so many medias they do another one for fans and it’s almost always not very good alright #maybe we should leave things as they are #grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #leigh bardugo #rule of wolves

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uselessboss · 4 months

Text

Ente & Vivre's Story (Chapter 4)

Ente slowly blinks his eyes open.

“It has been a long time since I last dreamed about my past" he sits up. “I wonder if it's because of Ms. Swan"

Speaking of her…

He checks the clock.

04:00 A.M

“I wonder if she managed to get some sleep"

Having “those" kind of nightmares were never easy, he knew that better than anyone. Sleep was hard to come by when you knew what awaited for you when you closed your eyes.

Trauma, pain and fear. Malicious whispers, distorted words, hatred and guilt. Your reality warps little by little, making you lose yourself until…

“…”

He suppresses a shudder.

“I hope I can help her" The words escape his lips.

He lets a humorless laugh.

Ah… To think he would be so concerned about the well being of someone he's supposed to hate.

Talk about an incorrigible fool, he truly was hopeless.

The organization created by his grandmother Euryale was meant to be humanity’s vanguard, fighting the supernatural and any other threats that the normal man couldn't hope to defend themselves against. They were meant to be a beacon of hope, protectors of the good and yet what they did to his family was nothing short of vile.

‘Your mother was killed by the members of her organization' He remembers his dad whisper, barely audible as he tightly embraced him.

And they weren't unknown faces either. They were part of the inner circle of closest confidants of his grandmother, people his mother grew with, was raised with and regarded as trusted comrades. These people… No, these “demons" betrayed her with no second thoughts.

And for what?

‘I can't be entirely sure of it, but I think the reason behind her execution was… Because she was attempting to make her mother reconciliate with our dear friend, a deity by the name Nihil'

He tightened his fists.

His mother was taken from them for such an… For such an idiotic and flimsy reason! Monsters! They were all horrible and heartless monsters! Life was something so precious and for them to cause such senseless misery was…

Unforgivable. He hated them. He loathed them. He wished nothing but pain and misfortune for those who wronged his family. For karma to punish them, to make them experience the same things they inflicted on them.

Those dark thoughts circled through his head a lot. About how would it feel to hear them begging for forgiveness, for regretting their choices, apologizing to his mother as he squeezed the life away from them with his own hands. How good it would feel to take revenge for everything they did, to see them cower helplessly after hunting both him and his father like animals, those pathetic-

‘No… Please…’

He thought that was what he wanted, that it was what would take for him to finally be able to move on but…. Seeing her agonize like that didn't make him happy. At all. It just made his heart ache. It just made him sad.

Her distress as she feebly asked for help, the fear in her voice, the tremble and sobs racking her body as she asked forgiveness for someone who would never give one for them… Those were things he also went through.

The guilty, anger and helplessly of being unable to save a loved one. You could say it was a blessing and a curse to have the power to see spirits, because while it could comfort you in knowing it was not the end it also made you wonder when they weren't “there".

He kept mulling over it for the longest time. The day his mother died, the memories of blood soaking both of them, none belonging to him, only of his mother and their assailants. There was wounds everywhere in her body and yet the safe grip on him didn't falter despite it. She protected him, body and soul. She gave her life to keep him safe.

It shouldn't have ended like that. His mother was so strong and amazing, there was no way she was beaten by the likes of them, even if they all came at her together, for that to happen would only occur if foul play was involved, if there was a “weakness" to be exploited.

He was that weakness.

She died because of him.

She wasn't around because they even exorcised her spirit after taking her life, he knew that now, but at that time he didn't. So he kept wondering, wondering why his mother wasn't with them, why his mother wasn't by his side.

Did she hate him? Did she regret giving her life for his sake? Did she blame him for being the reason to why she could no longer be with his dad? It was why she wasn't with them? Because she couldn't stand looking at him?

He was being haunted. Not by a revengeful ghost of his mother but by a twisted image conjured by his grief and regret. It tortured him every single day, awake or not, until her memory was stripped of all her humanity and she became a source of terror to him.

Nobody deserved that fate. To have a loved one be turned into a figure of fear, to lose what little remained of the proof of their existence… That was a pain no one should go through, regardless of who they were.

Maybe it was why he was unable to hate her. Because some part of him couldn't help but want to reach for her, to sympathize with her. It was the heart of his younger and vulnerable self, that childish part who still remembers what it was like to wish for someone to be there to comfort him, to reassure him, to make him remember… That he was loved.

Which is why he decided to help her.

If he did that then perhaps he could go back to hating her, to see her as an enemy, to-

He touches his neck.

The bandages weren't there anymore, but he still remembers the ghost of her touch.

It was… So gentle.

"It's better to not think about it" Ente shakes his head. "It might do better for me to do something productive instead of wasting my time with useless thoughts"

Right, might as well as do things earlier at the daycare.

"Good Morning Ente" Saramsrein pops his head up, the scratching of the pen in his hand stopping to a halt so he could greet him.

"Good Morning Saramsrein" he greets back.

Saramsrein was unable to fall asleep due to his peculiar nature as the demon of eternal existence so to occupy his time he compiled millenniums upon millenniums of his knowledge of the supernatural (his mother's idea apparently) so that he at least had something to do while he waited for either him or his dad to wake up.

"I have some things I have to do early at the daycare so could you tell dad that I won't be able to have breakfast with him today Saram?"

"You are going earlier today?"

"Ah! Good morning father" He turns to greet the newcomer. "Ah. Yes, I have to check how "Ms. Swan" is faring"

"Is that so? I understand" His father smiles kindly at him.

He had explained a bit of the situation to his father. About who "Ms. Swan" was, about their first meeting and even the reasoning behind his offer for her to stay at the Daycare and his decision to help her with her nightmares.

His father took it surprisingly well. Which was relief as he didn't know what he would have done if… His father hated him for it.

Sure, he actually never saw his father get mad at anything or anyone as he was too kind and understanding for that, but you never know. It was a delicate and unprecedented situation after all. Regardless of reasoning he was, at the end of the day, consorting with the likes of people who wronged their family. Who took away the mother of his child, HIS wife, for the most of the unfair reasons.

"I hope you two have a pleasant time together" His father embraces him. "Good luck Ente, I will be praying for your success. Because I know… That your heart is in the right place."

"Thank you, father" he hugs him back.

He was truly blessed for having Faust as his father.

=0=0=0=

"Hum… What to do…" He muttered to himself as he paced back and forth in front of the gate of his daycare.

He meant to check how Miss Swan was doing but now that he was there he wasn't sure how to proceed.

The daycare might be of his ownership and it might be a temporary arrangement but it didn't change the fact that it tecnically became the residence of a lady. To suddenly barge in and possibly catching her unaware would be uncouth of him.

"But on the other hand if she's asleep and I ring the bell or call her name it might wake her up and that would also be bad" he frowned. "She deserves to get as much rest as she can considering her circumstances"

Urgh! What should he do?

"…What are you doing pacing back and forth in front of the gate?"

"Ah! Miss Swan!" He jumps back, startled. "W-What are doing here?"

"I sensed your presence" She answered. "You were standing outside for a good while so I was wondering what you were doing"

"Oh." he scratched the side of his face, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "Ah… Did I wake you up?"

"No. I was already awake"

Her face looked a bit pale.

Did she get another nightmare?

"Well, it's not a problem that can be solved in a single day after all"

Besides, she must have her own share of misgivings to sort out, and perhaps to a much bigger extent than him. He extended his hand to her out of a sense of sympathy towards her plight but… The same couldn't be said of her. To compromise this much surely must have left her heavely conflicted.

"Hopefully not to the point of worsening her mental state"

"Did you already have your breakfast Miss Swan?"

"No. Not yet."

"Would you mind if I cooked something for us?"

" Are you… Sure about that?" she hesitated. "I mean, after I…"

She was alluding to their first meeting.

"Of course it's fine" He smiles kindly at her, just like his father did whenever he wanted to reassure anyone. "Oh yes, I didn't have the opportunity to ask before but is there any food you dislike or can't eat?"

"No. I'm not picky nor allergic to any type of food as far as I am aware"

"Good. Wait for me at the "Cafeteria", I will bring our food there"

Now what to make for her…

"Coffee is out of question. It doesn't do anything for her exhaustion and it would only make her agitation worse" he taps his chin. "Hum… So maybe juice? Yes. Orange juice. With carrots, and a pinch of ginger and some drops of lemon if I remember my recipe right. Good for stress, anxiety and even gives a good boost of energy to boot, it would be a perfect fit!"

As for food maybe he should make something light and nourishing.

Eggs beaten with buckwheat and chickpea flour perhaps? Maybe even with some flaxseeds throw in. Would make for a nice pancake of sorts (or would that count as an omellette? Hard to say) and it would be easier on her stomach in case of queasiness.

"…And that's more or less my thought process for today's breakfast. I hope it's to your liking"

"You are very thoughtful about it"

"I do a lot of research to prepare food for the children after all" he proudly grins.

"It does seems like you" she smiles as she eats a small slice of the pancake-omelette food. "It's good"

"I…Well… That is…" He flusters at the unexpected response. "Ah! Yes! Speaking of children, there was something I wanted to discuss with you about them, it was why I wanted to meet up earlier today"

"What is it?"

"Yesterday, after you left I asked them what they thought of you"

"…What did they say?" She asks, straightening her back, eyebrows slight turned up in concern.

"She's really cute"

It was truly a very endearing side of hers.

"Despite your initial bullying of Saramsrein they were quick to warm up to you" he chuckles as she drops her shoulders in relief. "They already like you a lot"

"I… See." she drops her gaze, eyelashes fawning over her fair skin as a slight tint of pink colored her cheeks, the curtain of light and soft hair cascading around her face, framing her bashful expression.

"What a soft person"

"Say Miss Swan" he calls. "What do you think about greeting the children today?"

"Wouldn't they be weirded out by that? I mean, I'm still basically a stranger to them, to be acting overly friend… They will be creeped out"

"Not at all, I think they would really like it.

"But…"

"Welcoming them warmly and smiling as soon as you see them. That's how you show how much someone means to you and how much you enjoy their company right? It makes them feel loved and needed"

'Welcome home Ente'

"Well. At least that was what my father told me. That the reason he can fight day after day and look forward to a new tomorrow is because he knows that there is someone waiting him back home"

'Welcome home brother!'

"…I wonder if that's true" Vivre mutters. "I would be happy if that's the case"

"Well, it's not only my father who says that. Whenever I talk with the children' parents they also say similar things"

She remembers the times when she tried to stay awake to greet her brother when he got back home.

Most of the time she ended up falling asleep on the couch, but when she did managed to stay up long enough to see him she would run to greet him and he would greet her back with a smile and a hug, picking her in his arms and softly thanking her for waiting for him. Even when he was exhausted or returned at the crack of dawn. Her brother always reciprocrated her gesture.

"I... Will give it a try then"

=0=0=0=

"Go… Ahem. G-Good morning kids" Vivre stutters.

In the end she went along with Ente's suggestion.

The child in front of her stops in surprise. Their mouth doing a perfect "O".

"Maybe that wasn't a good idea after all"

"Morning' Miss Swan!" The child grinned.

"Ah. Yes. Morning" she repeated, smiling in relief.

"Are you going to watch classes with us again?" the other children crowded her.

"Y-Yes. I still need to get used to how things work here" she nodded. "So… Uh… Could I ask you all to lend me a hand if I don't know something? Or… If I do something wrong. Please don't hesitate to tell."

"Of course! Hey, how about you sit next to me today and I tell you everything?"

"Not fair! I want to talk with Miss. Swan too!"

"Children. Behave" Ente claps his hands. "You are going to overwhelm her at this rate. Let her take things in slowly"

"Ok" they chorused.

"Now that everyone did their morning greetings let's start our class" He placed a big clock on top of his head. "Today I'm teaching everyone how to read an analog clock."

He picked a pen and drew clocks on the whiteboard.

"The smaller hand is the hour and the longer hand is the minutes" he wrote. "Now class, what time do you think it is in this drawing?"

"02: 50?"

"Beep Beep. Nope" Ente shook his head. "Actually it's 01:50"

"But the smaller hand is on the number 2?"

"Analog hands aren't like digital ones where it instantly switches to a new number when the hour changes, the small hand has to move on its own see?" he turns the small gear behind the clock to show the children.

"Ooh"

"Let's put this new knowledge in practice! Let's see… Who wants to share the time your favorite show airs?"

Just like the day prior the kids were eager to participate as Ente enthusiastically fiddled with the mechanism of clock as he answered the inumerous requests. He seamlessly guided the rambunctions children around by either asking them question about the shows they liked and tying topics together to encourage kids to share their own or changing subjects at the right time so other kids would feel comfortable to step up and talk about their likes as well.

"And what about you Miss. Swan?" Ente suddenly asked.

"Sorry. I don't really watch much TV"

"In that case there's any other time of importance to you that you would like to share?"

"An important time…" She steps closer to the clock and turn the little mechanism.

'See here Vivre? When the small hand is here and the bigger one is there I will be back home'

"…Here"

"Ooh!! That's the same time my dad usually return home!"

"Mine too! Well, my mom in this case"

"Anyone ever tried to stay awake until your mom or dad got home?"

"I tried some times, but I always end up falling asleep"

Hearing the children talk about their parents made Vivre smile.

To think that they shared so many experiences similar to hers… Somehow it warmed her heart.

"Sorry for interrupting your talk children" Ente clapped. "Now for the next question: What time is it now?"

The children stared at the clock on the wall.

"It's break time!"

=0=0=0=0=

"I apologize for derailing your lesson"

"Don't worry about it. I'm actually happy that you had a nice bonding time with the kids"

"Still. I feel a bit bad for messing up your schedule"

"Well, they will learn the "technical" aspects of knowledge when they start school so you don't need to fret too much about it." Ente stirs the pot of food. "What I do here is mostly provide "experiences" that I think it would be valuable for their lives"

"Experiences?"

"Yes. The importance of understanding how to properly connect and communicate with others and being open for new chances and opportunities. To see mistakes not as something to fear or to be ashamed of, but as part of the process of trial and error when you are figuring new things out"

"You are a highly empathetic person"

"Haha, I guess so, althrough sometimes to the point of it being a weakness. Even through I should know better I still feel sympathetic towards people's pain"

"Should you really be telling me this?"

"Would you take advantage of it?"

It wasn't a trap. Her gut feeling told so. Even through she hasn't know him that long, she was still sure of that. What Ente was saying… He meant it.

"No. I wouldn't"

It's true that for pragmatism's sake she should make use of every single advantage she has access of as Ente was clearly not someone to be underestimated but it wouldn't have sat right with her. So far he has been nothing but hospitable, to not repay his courtesy back would smear the good name of her entire bloodline.

"I will get stronger. Stronger enough so I can beat you fair and square"

"Pretty blunt here huh? And this is coming from someone who was scolding me for being too sincere" Ente chuckled. "…But it's a good thing your conviction didn't waver."

His laughter stopped.

"After all, I also have my own grudge to keep"

"Ah… That's right. You did mention you despised people like me"

Which makes his actions all the more puzzling.

They might be under a ceasefire but that still didn't explain why he was being so… Helpful and nice to her.

What he did went beyond mere “obligatory courtesy”. He accommodated for her needs, was mindful of her personal space and boundaries and even looked out for her mental and physical well being, going as far as making meals tailored for improving her health and setting up an environment to ease her mind. He claimed to hate her and yet his actions said otherwise, there was no hostility in it, she couldn't sense it.

Which begs the question of why? Why was he…

“We should go back now.” Ente cut her line of thought. “It’s time to start the next lesson"

What was his goal?

“…For our next lesson I will distribute papers with a color sample and then have everyone try and find the closest paint combination that matches it. I also want you to write about your attempts, regardless if you get it wrong or right ok?”

Even if he could be a bit cryptic at times Ente has never lied to her, not even once. So while she should probably take his statement at face value it somehow didn't add up. If he truly held disdain towards her then why cloak his emotions when saying that? Why not show his disdain openly?

"Time's up everyone!" Ente signals with a clap of his hands. "Now what I want you to do is to tidy your notes, switch your sample with someone else and give them your notes. After that, I want you to try making the new color using your friend's notes as reference"

She didn't know. She still had no clue what he had to gain from this or what he was really after, but she doubted it would be anything bad even if he had declared his wish to hate her. Whatever it was that he has planned it wasn't meant to harm her, she was sure of it. His cheer for bonding with the children and the soft looks as he listened intently to her rambles about them was genuine. She knew that because that was something he never hid from her.

"Ah... What am I doing?" she muttered under her breath as she shook her head. "I shouldn't be worrying over this right now. What I should do is focus on fullfiling my end of the deal so I can get my answers"

That's right. She needs to focus on the task at the hand. Which meant observing Ente at work and learning from him how to properly look after the children of the daycare.

"Fostering strong bonds and a sense of comradery with others, giving them a sense of self-assurance, encouraging them to step forward and try…"

"..."

It's not like she thinks Ente will mock her or anything. Even if he had some critiscism to make she wouldn't have minded it. She isn't that arrogant to take offense on being schooled in a field she clearly lacks experience, that was not the issue here.

The real problem was said content of her notes. The day prior she had just scolded herself for making notes of this nature but now that she was required, and free to do so, her efforts came off as rather... Overly "enthusiastic". It was embarrassing how may positive things she had to say about him.

"Is something wrong Miss Swan?" Ente asks touching her shoulder, making her startle and quickly cover her notes with her arm. "I... You seemed troubled with something so I came to check on you"

"Ah! Y-Yes" She blushes in embarrassment as she quickly retreats her arms and decides to go for it and just give him her notes. "Here. Those are the notes and drafts I made"

She's glad that the children were taking their afternoon nap otherwise it would have been double embarrassing for her if they witessed her fumble.

"Ok? I will check it" Ente picks it with a puzzled expression as he sits next to her to read her drafts. "A-Ah... T-That's..."

Ente flusters, getting red up to his ears.

Vivre internally smirks at it, feeling a bit vindicated for not being the only one embarrassed in this situation.

Guess she found another "weakness" of his and one that she wouldn't mind using to her favor.

Not as a tactical advantage of course, as she promised she wouldn't use malicious and underhanded methods to win, but more as a... Harmless fun if you may. Seeing him lose composure like that was too amusing to not have a repeat.

"Well... It's not bad, but perhaps we should also consider your circumstances too" Ente coughs. "Like for example..."

=0=0=0=0=

"Ideas for activities..." Vivre mutters to herself as she exits the bathroom, toweling her wet hair. "My upbring consisted mostly of training to fight supernatural threats so I wonder if I even have anything to contribute"

'One of the biggest reasons would be my beloved father who raised me all by himself'

'It might be a silly reason but I guess that I want to prove to everyone, including him, how great of a father he was by helping kids grow equally as happily as I was.'

Now that she thinks about it Ente was using his experience of being raised by his father as a reference right? Perhaps she could do the same?

"How my brother raised me..."

'Hey Vivre, come here! I brought something nice for you today!' Her brother took some plastic packets out of a bag. 'Ta-dah! Look at how pretty these hairclips and ties are!'

Her older brother once bought pretty hairclips, ties and pins for her.

They played together with the accessories, him neatly and meticulously brushing her hair and then tying it in a myriad of cute hairstyles, praising how adorable she looked as she stared at her reflection with a radiant smile and her tucking his fluffy bangs with a pink strawberry and red cherry hairclip, her brother's laughter ringing pleasantly in her ears as he noted how they were matching.

She overgrew the cutesy accesories a long time ago but she still kept the habit of tying her hair as a result. Both as a reminder of those old days and to be a source of comfort and strength to her.

Bzzzzzz

Her phone started to ring.

"This number is..." She recognized the caller.

"Hello Matthias" she greeted back as her expression softened. "I'm doing fine, thank you"

Matthias Laverne. The man who raised her after she lost her brother despite being only 15 years old at that time and having his own grief to deal with as he had also lost his entire family to Euryale's wrath.

She owes so much to him. Not only for reaching a hand to her in her time of need, but also for protecting her from opportunists and people with bad intentions who sought to take advantage of her pain to use her as a tool.

They were nothing but strangers to each other at that time and yet he was still the most sympathetic to her pain. He was the only one to kneel to her height and hug her as she cried, wiping her tears, taking his jacket off to cover her small and frail frame and to firmly hold her tiny hand on his trembling one as he declared that he would care for her.

"What about the place you are staying in? Did everything work out?" Matthias asks in concern.

"About that..."

She told him everything.

About her first encounter with Ente. About her loss and Ente nursing her despite everything. The truce and deal they had made, her temporary living "arrangements", her first and second day at the daycare, every single detail she could think of.

"I-I know that I don't have anything to show yet and that I didn't even start on the preparations but I swear that..."

"I'm glad you are doing well"

She lets out a relieved sigh as she hears his soft reply.

She was so glad that he didn't take her actions the wrong way.

"You shouldn't worry about it. Take your time as much as you need to, I will be happy with whatever you decide to do Vivre" He hesitates. "And... I... I hope I'm not being too nosy to ask this but would it be ok if you called, when you can of course, to tell me more about the days you are spending there? I... Would like it"

"Of course it would be ok" she reassures him. "I will call you whenever I can"

"Thank you" Matthias whispers. "Ah! sorry, it's probably night there right? I won't hold you up then. You have to wake up early right?"

"I guess so?"

"Then good night Vivre. I hope you get a good rest"

He ends the call.

She stares sadly at her phone.

Matthias was too hard on himself.

He was just as much of a child as she was at that time. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't perfect at his newfound parental role nor was it his fault that he was unable to properly support her through her grief and trauma when he had his own wounds to deal with. She understands that he had to contend with everything alone because he couldn't ask for help. Because any sign of weakness and inadequalcy from his part COULD and WOULD be used against him and he simply couldn't risk it. He had to do the best he could with what little he had.

'I saw you looking at those hairclips so I bought them for you'

It was right after she moved in to Matthias' house. When they were shopping for new clothes for her. She didn't want to be a bother and she didn't mean to ask anything out of him, it just happened for her to land her eyes on the hairclips because it reminded her of her brother Odel.

Matthias wasn't anything like Odel. He didn't know how to brush her hair and tie it up in a cute hairstyle nor he commented on it when she tried to learn and do it herself. It was something that completely flew under his radar.

Yet he was still the same person who bought those for her.

He might not have been good at nailing the specifics but that didn't mean he wasn't paying attention.

'Is there something bothering you Vivre? You keep staring at me'

'N-No. It's nothing'

'Sorry, I might be good at picking on feelings, but I'm not good at figuring them out' Matthias apologized. 'So would you tell me? I really want to know you better.'

'I... My brother would compliment me whenever he did my hair'

'O-Oh... Is that so? Well... You look cute?' He stuttered. "...S-Sorry, I guess I'm also bad at giving good descriptions'

'No. It's alright.' She laughed, the first time she had smiled since her brother passing. ' ...Thank you. I mean it'

He might not give compliments like her brother did, but there was no need for him to be like her brother. Matthias had his own way of showing how much he cared and she appreciated him for it. Even if it wasn't perfect he had helped her and that mattered more than anything else.

"I'm such a fool"

She was so focused on her past that she never once paused to think about the future... Or the "now" for that matter.

It was a lesson that she should have learned a long time ago back to when she lost her family for the first time, when her older brother had to take over the role of raising her and she had decided to show her appreciation back as a way to validate his efforts and to be his strength.

"Back then... I did it because I also wanted to protect him back. To protect what was important to me"

'I want to prove to everyone, including him...'

She picked her notebook.

It was time to write new notes.

And this time including the "present" too.

#my useless invincible boss #ente miller(useless boss)#vivre swan(useless boss)#matthias laverne(useless boss)#faust miler(useless boss)

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