#Man has the diet of a toddler

[zoomclown]

Warren Godby brings lunchables to work.

That's it that's the post.

[poibynt]

The GNCness of hiccup horrendous haddock the III can be so personal actually. Yeah that preteen is a mother what of it.

[existentialscreaming]

Currently working on scheduling something with an allergist but I'm still so burnt out on doctors )):

I'm having allergic reactions at least once a week now to something I can figure out and it's time that I get help

[neferaskingdom]

♡ Where's My Chocolate?! | LN4

Summary: Where Lando has a massive chocolate addiction but his trainer put a ban on it. How's a man supposed to live without his Kinder Joys? or his Kinder Maxis? or his Kinder Eggs? or his-

LANDO NORRIS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

Lando was practically vibrating with excitement as he unlocked the door to his flat. It was the off-season, the glorious time when he could finally eat what he wanted without Jon breathing down his neck about "his unhealthy eating habits" and "lack of diet discipline." The crown jewel of his freedom? The stash of Kinder chocolates meticulously hoarded over the year.

He burst into the kitchen, opened his sacred candy drawer, and froze. The drawer was half-empty. Half-empty.

Lando stared in disbelief, his hands gripping the edge of the counter like he was about to faint. He began rifling through the contents, counting and recounting the chocolates as though they’d magically multiply.

"Babe!" he yelled, his voice cracking. "Where’s my chocolate?"

Y/n strolled into the kitchen, holding a cup of tea, completely unfazed by the brewing storm. "Hi to you too, Lando."

He spun around, clutching a Kinder Maxi like a lifeline. "Don’t ‘hi’ me. My stash is gone. Did you—" He gasped dramatically. "Did you eat it?"

She blinked at him. "What? No!"

"Then who? The Easter Bunny?" he shrieked. "It was full last week!"

Sipping her tea, she said casually, "Oh, Jon called."

Lando’s face went pale. "Jon? My trainer, Jon?"

"Yep," she said, setting her mug down. "He told me to keep an eye on your candy consumption. Said something about ‘self-control’ and ‘preventing cavities.’ Apparently, you have a chocolate limit now."

Lando stared at her like she’d just betrayed him in the worst way possible. "You’re lying."

She shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"No," he said, his voice rising to a dramatic wail. "You can’t do this to me! I’ve been waiting all year for this! This is my moment!"

"Your moment?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Lando, it’s just chocolate."

"It’s not just chocolate! It’s freedom! It’s happiness!" He dropped to his knees, clutching a Kinder Egg like it was a dying bird. "This is cruel and unusual punishment!"

"Alright, Shakespeare," she said, stepping over him to close the drawer. "Get up. You’re not a toddler."

But Lando’s resolve was already solidifying. He wouldn’t be defeated so easily.

That night, Y/n woke to the sound of faint rustling. Bleary-eyed, she reached over for Lando, only to find his side of the bed empty. Squinting in the dim light, she followed the noise to the kitchen.

There he was, crouched in front of the candy drawer like some sort of gremlin, surrounded by half-opened drawers and cabinets. He was whispering to himself, "Where is it? Where did she put it?"

"Lando," she said, crossing her arms.

He froze, slowly turning his head to look at her. His eyes were wide and wild, his hair sticking up in all directions. "Oh. Hey. Fancy seeing you here."

She pointed at the mess around him. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, night yoga?"

"Yoga," she repeated flatly.

"Yeah, it’s great for flexibility," he said, attempting a stretch that ended with him knocking over a jar of flour.

"Get back to bed, Lando," she said, grabbing him by the arm.

The next day, Lando devised Plan B. He called Oscar.

"Mate, you have to help me," Lando whispered into the phone like a spy in enemy territory.

"What now?" Oscar asked, already regretting picking up.

"She’s hidden my chocolates. All of them. I’m dying here."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Smuggle some Kinder Eggs to me. Discreetly."

Oscar sighed. "Absolutely not. She’ll kill me."

"Oscar, please! I’m losing my mind, mate!"

"And I’d like to live, thanks."

Lando groaned, hanging up dramatically.

The coup de grâce happened at Max and Kelly’s house. They had invited them both over for lunch, and for a brief moment, everything was going fine. That is, until Penelope came running into the room, tears streaming down her face.

"Uncle Lala stole my chocolates!" she wailed.

All heads turned to the pantry, where Lando was caught red-handed, stuffing his face with what was unmistakably Penelope’s stash. His cheeks bulged like a hamster’s, and he froze mid-bite when he saw everyone staring.

"Lando," Max said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That’s for my kid."

"I’m...uh...testing for poison?" Lando offered, his words muffled by chocolate. He was already edging toward the door, trying to shield his loot from view.

"Seriously?" Y/n said, marching over, her voice a mix of frustration and disbelief. "You’re stealing from a child?"

Lando clutched the Kinder Joys tighter, his eyes darting around the room like he was calculating an escape route. "You don’t get it! These chocolates—" he paused, clutching the candy dramatically to his chest, "—are essential. I need them more than Penelope does."

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "You’re a grown man, Lando! Have some self-control for once."

"Uncle Lala should go to jail for stealing my chocolates!" Penelope said with all the righteous fury of a five-year-old, pointing an accusing finger at Lando.

"If loving chocolate is a crime, then lock me up!" he declared, crouching lower and hissing dramatically at anyone who dared approach him.

"Oh my god," Max groaned, rubbing his temples. "I can’t believe I’m witnessing this."

Kelly crossed her arms, glaring at Lando. "You’re eating a five-year-old’s Christmas stash, Lando. Have you no shame?"

Penelope, who had been standing quietly until now, stomped her tiny foot. "Uncle Lala, give it back! Mommy says stealing is bad!"

Lando froze, looking genuinely wounded. "I’m not stealing," he said earnestly. "I’m redistributing the wealth." He paused, then added with a whisper, "For the greater good."

Max raised an eyebrow. "You’ve lost your mind. Put the chocolates down."

"Never!" Lando shouted, clutching the stash tighter and attempting to back into the pantry.

"Uncle Lala!" Penelope shrieked, rushing forward to tug on his arm. "You’re a meanie!"

"Lando," Kelly said, exasperated, "Give P her chocolates back please"

"I can’t!" Lando wailed dramatically, holding up an empty wrapper like it was his salvation. "I’ve been oppressed for weeks. Weeks! Do you know what it’s like to have Jon ruin your life?"

"I’m going to call Jon," she threatened, pulling out her phone.

"No! Not Jon!" Lando cried, dropping to his knees and scrambling to hide behind Max. "Anything but that! Please, I’ll do anything! I’ll eat kale. I’ll run an extra five miles tomorrow. Just don’t call Jon!"

Max stared down at him, torn between amusement and second-hand embarrassment. "Lando, mate, I think you’ve hit rock bottom."

Lando peeked out from behind Max’s legs, his chocolate-smeared face a picture of desperation. "This isn’t rock bottom. Rock bottom is no chocolate at all."

Penelope crossed her arms, looking unimpressed. "Uncle Lala, you’re being very silly."

"You’re right," Kelly said, scooping up Penelope. "Lando, apologize to my daughter and step away from the pantry."

He clutched one last Kinder Joy, giving it a sorrowful look. "I’m sorry, P. But you’ll understand one day. Love makes you do crazy things." He kissed the chocolate dramatically before surrendering it to Kelly.

The lowest point came a few nights later when she woke to Lando’s sleep-talking.

"Kinder Maxi...so creamy...so sweet..." he mumbled, drooling onto his pillow.

She stared at him, half amused, half exasperated.

By Christmas, she couldn’t take it anymore. The sight of Lando moping around the house like a sad puppy had broken her resolve. So, on Christmas morning, she led him to the kitchen, where a decadent chocolate cake sat waiting on the counter, accompanied by a wicker basket brimming with his favorite chocolates—Kinder Maxis, Kinder Eggs, and everything else she could get her hands on.

Lando froze in the doorway, his eyes wide as they darted from her to the cake. "What’s this?" he asked, his voice tinged with awe.

"Merry Christmas," she said, her smile soft but brimming with excitement. "It’s all for you."

His gaze flickered between her and the cake, his expression shifting from disbelief to pure, unfiltered joy. "You… you did this? For me?"

She nodded, and his lips parted slightly, his eyes shimmering as if he might actually cry. "You’re the best girlfriend ever," he choked out before pulling her into a bone-crushing hug, his arms wrapping around her as he swiped some of the chocolate frosting.

She laughed against his shoulder, the warmth of his embrace making her cheeks flush. "Do you love me more than chocolate now?" she teased, her voice light and playful.

He pulled back just enough to look at her, his face alight with a cheeky grin. "That’s debatable," he said, dragging the words out as if he were seriously contemplating it.

Her eyes narrowed in mock offense as she gasped and pretended to reach for the cake. "Fine, I’ll just eat this myself—"

"No!" he yelped, grabbing her waist before she could step away. With a quick, smooth motion, he spun her around, his laughter filling the kitchen. "Okay, okay! I love you more."

She tilted her head, her lips quirking upward. "Prove it," she challenged, her voice daring but soft.

For a moment, the world seemed to pause. Lando’s grin faded, replaced by an expression so earnest it made her heart skip a beat. He stepped closer, his hands sliding up from her waist to cradle her face gently. His thumbs brushed against her cheekbones as he leaned in, his gaze locking with hers.

When his lips finally met hers, it was like warmth spreading through her veins. The kiss started tender, his lips soft and lingering as if he were savoring the moment. But then he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and the tenderness gave way to something more fervent. His hands moved to her hair, fingers tangling in the strands as he pulled her closer, pressing their bodies together until there was no space left between them.

Her hands found their way to his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his sweatshirt as she melted into him. She could feel his heart beating rapidly under her palm, matching the rhythm of her own. The faint taste of chocolate lingered on his lips, making the kiss feel all the more intoxicating.

When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathless, their foreheads resting against each other as they tried to steady themselves. Her cheeks were flushed, and Lando’s eyes sparkled with a mix of giddiness and something deeper.

"Alright, you win," she said, laughing softly as she looked up at him. Her voice was teasing, but her eyes held a warmth that mirrored his own.

Lando grinned, his dimples making an appearance as he leaned in to peck her lips again, quick and sweet. "How did you get Jon to agree to this?" he asked, his voice still slightly breathless as he glanced toward the cake.

She smirked, stepping back to grab a fork from the counter. "What Jon doesn’t know won’t hurt him."

His laughter was loud and unrestrained, echoing through the kitchen. "You rebel. I love it."

She handed him the fork, watching as he eagerly sliced into the cake. "Keep up with your training," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter, "and I might sneak you some chocolates now and then."

"Deal," he said, shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth with a contented hum. He closed his eyes, savoring the taste before looking at her with a wide, chocolate-smeared smile. "Best Christmas ever."

[kitkatscabinet]

Don't feed him he'll come back (2)

simon riley x neighbour! reader

summary: The ghost that lives in your apartment is a solitary man, people tend to stay out of his way, giving him a wide berth. You can't help but think he seems a little bit lonely, cue pestering him with bad jokes and food.

word count: 1.3k

A/N: Simon's POV of events. Find part 1 here. Part 3 here 18+ nsfw themes

Simon’s not entirely sure what to make of his pretty neighbour who fattens him up with their cooking and has a penchant for bad jokes that might outshine even him. From the moment he’d caught you staring with wide eyes he’d expected wariness, or outright fear, those were the typical responses. He hadn’t expected you to force a tray of pasta bake into his hands and then promptly disappear before he could get a word in. 

It’s a bit ridiculous, but the random act of kindness set his teeth on edge, enough that he’d even suspected foul play briefly. Hunger and logic eventually won out over his paranoia and Simon devoured the tray embarrassingly fast. He’s not quite sure how to face you so he simply leaves the tray outside your door and assumes that will be that. 

Except it’s not. For some reason you’ve taken it upon yourself to feed him, leaving an array of dishes from dinners to snacks. Apart from an initial note inquiring into allergies you adapt his diet on experience, taking note of what he does and doesn’t seem to enjoy. 

He doesn’t know how to get you to stop, nor does he really want you to. Not when he’s become entirely too reliant on you feeding him, eagerly awaiting each new dish with the excitement of a hyperactive toddler. 

Price says he’s got a crush, which is just absurd, the only thing he knows about you is your name. And that your left cheek has a dimple when you smile, and that you love your cat more than anything and that-

He doesn’t have a crush. 

Then the elevator breaks. It breaks with only you and him inside and instead of panicking like he expected, you only seemed mildly annoyed for a few seconds before you turned to him with a conspiratorial grin. “A bear walks into a bar and says give me a whiskey and… cola. Why the big pause? Asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. I’m not sure, I was born with them.”

Simon’s a little floored and it’s probably only his shock that prevents him from laughing because dammit, that was better than some of his. What shocks him even more is that you aren’t deterred from his silence. If anything, you seem to take it as a personal challenge and your eyes glint in determination. 

It’s both a mixture of the jokes and you’re adorable determination that finally pulls a chuckle from his lips and Simon will forever remember the way your face absolutely lit up at the noise. 

It’s not until he provides a joke of his own before ducking into the safety of his apartment that he briefly thinks Price may have been onto something. He staunchly pushes that thought away but then you start leaving jokes with the food and he has to admit he’s in a little bit of trouble. 

You wrangle his number from him (not that he resisted very hard) and then you wrangle him into your apartment and you make him watch as you flit around your kitchen in order to feed him. 

His next deployment comes at exactly the right time and Simon is prepared to spend the months away getting over you. Except this doesn’t happen because you send him a joke every day without fail, not even deterred when he rarely responds. 

You send a selfie of you and your cat and Simon stares far longer than is appropriate. He’s dreamt of you before, both innocently and not so. For some reason, the distance makes this worse and Simon wakes hard and aching for you more often than not. 

(Johnny walks in on him with his hand in his pants staring at a picture of you once and neither of them can look at each other for days. He thinks this is preferable to the shit-eating grins Johnny throws his way now.)

For the first time in his life, Simon’s desperate to get back from deployment to the empty apartment he barely considers his home. The empty white walls and space not seeming as depressing when he knows you’re waiting for him just across the hall. Waiting to fill the dark void in his chest that grows when he loses access to your smile. 

For the first time in his life, Simon doesn’t want to leave his apartment. Each time Price calls him away from your presence starts to weigh on his soul more and more. It’s getting harder and harder to stop being Simon, to put on the mask and be the Ghost when all he can think about is you. 

It all comes to a head nearly nine months after he'd initially met you. As much as he tries to ignore the way his heart sings in your presence and aches in your absence Simon can’t really deny how he feels about you anymore. 

You pull him from his dangerous train of thoughts when you plop down next to him on the couch. Not exactly a new move in of itself but even then he can’t help the way he shivers at the feel of your arm against his skin. 

If asked Simon wouldn’t be able to tell you a single plot point of the movie you’d put on, not when his mind was running a mile a minute and he was trying not to smell your hair like a creep. 

He tenses a little when you tip against him but doesn’t push you away. Instead, he can’t help but smile softly down at you as he watches you fall deeper and deeper into the clutches of sleep. Awe and adoration in his eyes as one of his hands lightly stroked your cheek, his other arm wrapping around you to pull you closer to his chest. 

You’d wormed your way into his heart months ago with all your stupid jokes and your insistence on looking after him. Not once had you ever asked for anything in return, you even seemed offended at the implication. 

He wasn’t stupid enough to let you in on his feelings, not when every time he left you could end up being his last. Simon had once accidentally caught you crying over your brother, a soldier like him, though not as lucky. Your brother was dead and buried and Simon saw the toll it took on you years later even when you tried to hide it. 

You were the sun. You were light and everything that was good in this world, saw the good in him, and Simon refused to be the potential reason that light was snuffed out. 

He wouldn’t do that to you. But Simon wasn’t completely selfless, so he held you in his arms as he slept, letting himself imagine a life where you could be together. A life where he got to come home to you and your stupid fat cat, his apartment no longer in use and he’d hold you just like this as you slept. 

This wasn’t that life, but Simon still let himself pretend it was, just for a little bit. Because Simon couldn’t deny it any longer, he loved you, was in love with you. And for that, he had to leave before he ruined you.

Tags: @cooliofango @innercollectivecomputer

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Price has a sweet tooth. Give him Nutella over marmite or even cheese any day. Does he indulge? Sadly, only rarely. Dad used to say it was for twats and toddlers only

Oh, Anon...

Price had all the sweetness beaten out of him, or so he thinks. Nikolai proves him wrong.

cw: slightly erotic act of feeding fruit, mention of disordered relationship with food.

Price denied his sweet tooth out of habit. Indulgence was weakness according to his upbringing, which meant that Price was taught abstinence when it came to treats. Coffee: black. Whiskey: neat. Crisps, not chocolate, if you really had to. No cake, no biscuits, no ice cream, nothing sweeter than a Braeburn apple. Price's diet was devoid of anything that might be considered superfluous.

It helped that the army was a place where a man's diet was heavily controlled, even if the quality of the food wasn't necessarily awe-inspiring. It was easy to ignore temptation when there were a million others things to focus on at any given moment.

Then, while Nik and the 141 were running an op in Warsaw, Nik turned up at the safehouse with a paper bag stuffed with rogaliki. The filling? Nutella. Price caught a whiff of them the moment Nik stepped across the threshold; they were still bakery-warm.

Soap leaned across to snag one out of the bag, feeding it beneath Simon's mask at his request so that he could remain prone, one eye down his scope. Gaz plucked two from the edge of the wrapper and then Nik offered it to Price. "Captain?"

It had been one hell of a week. Two close shaves, four false leads, bad intel, almost decapitated by the falling debris of an exploding Chinook. Price's self discipline was at a low point. "Nah, thanks. Too sweet for me."

"Och, cap. Yer missin' out," Soap called back, chomping one pastry as he watched through the scope in his hand.

Gaz hummed his agreement. "Yeah, sir. You gotta try these, they're peng."

Simon stayed silent.

Nik had glanced at each operator as they spoke but now he looked back at Price, shaking the wrapper once. "They are best when fresh."

Price's mouth watered. One couldn't hurt. He hadn't had Nutella in years, since his Da had scolded him for eating it with a dessert spoon from the jar and then it had never entered the house again... two and a half decades ago. "Olright, yeah, give it 'ere."

The pastry was warm still, white sugar clinging to the flakes as they fell to the floor on the way to his mouth. He didn't expect the whole outer body experience as he put it in his mouth, and he slumped down onto the upturned crate currently holding his M4 as he chomped the lot in two bites. "Bloody hell, what did ya call them, Nik?"

"Rogaliki," Nik replied, wiping his thumb over his lower lip to remove the white dusting. "Not quite as good as babooshka used to make, but close. They are good, no?"

Price grunted, running his tongue over his teeth in search of the last few morsels of sweet. Nik was watching him closely as he bit into another, his head tilted to the side. Price tried not to look at the paper bag on his lap.

When Nik finished, he changed seats to sit on the same crate as Price, their shoulders bumping together. "Another?"

Price shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't. But, ya know... Chinook, bad intel, close shaves. "Yeah, g'won then."

Nik made the fatal error of sliding the bag into Price's lap. The last three disappeared in a handful of minutes and Nik watched with interest. "If I had known you had such a sweet tooth, I would have bought more."

Price hummed, wiping the sugar and pastry from his beard on the back of his glove. "Bit of a weakness of mine."

Before Nik could answer, Ghost broke his silence. "Three hostiles spotted exiting the building at the southern exit."

Soap shifted down onto his elbows. "Aye, confirmed."

"Clear shot on the target?" Price left the crate as Nik and Gaz gathered their weapons.

"Aye."

"Take it."

Ghost pulled the trigger.

The rest of the operation went smoothly and Nik was soon flying them home. Price hit the shower after providing his initial report to the Major, and was settling down to his paperwork just as Nik stepped into his quarters.

"Knockin' not a custom where you come from?"

"Not between lovers, no."

Price's ears flushed a deep scarlet as Nik so easily named the slowly blooming relationship between them, and he slumped onto the edge of his cot to towel off his hair some more to try and hide it.

"You enjoy sweet things," Nik stated, and Price heard the rustle of a supermarket carrier bag, followed by a dull thud as its contents were placed on his desk. The room was narrow and Nik had to draw close to get past; shower fresh and warm, the faint scent of cologne... Nik smelled as good as the rogaliki had.

"Yeah. Bit of a vice."

"Smoking and drinking are vices. Food is good." Nik sat down on the edge of Price's cot at his side and lifted the edge of the towel to peer under it. "Food is to be enjoyed."

Price frowned, batting Nik's hand away so he could pull the towel off his head to chuck it over the back of his desk chair nearby. He didn't miss the affectionate flush in Nik's face at the sight of him; Nik liked it when Price was warm and ruffled. Complete softie, really. Not that the KorTac operator he had stabbed through the throat in Warsaw would agree...

There was a tupperware of strawberries in Nik's lap. They were cut up and washed, which meant Nik had prepared them before arriving. Price smiled. "They fer me?"

"Da," Nik looked at the desk too, "and so are those."

Price followed his eye to the stack of chocolate bars Nik had removed from the carrier bag.

"Nik, I'm already spreadin' in the middle," Price murmured as he patted his belly.

"Pssh." Nik didn't even humour him, scooting further onto the cot until his back was against the wall. He grabbed Price's pillow and placed it over his lap. "Lay here."

"I've got work to do."

The look Nik gave Price informed him that the work would be waiting until later.

"Using that look on me, terrifying bastard..." Price mumbled, slumping down petulantly on his side so that his head hit the pillow but he remained stubbornly inaccessible.

"On your back."

Price rolled over, hands resting on his chest, and side eyed the tupperware as Nik placed it on the bed. "You gonna feed me, Nik?" He asked, eyes crinkling in amusement.

"As Hadrian did his lovers," Nik replied, unclipping the plastic lid and selecting his first strawberry. Price could smell the fruit, but also the familiar nutty sweetness of Nutella.

"Does that make me Antinous?"

"Da."

"Didn't he drown under mysterious circumstance?"

"Jonathan, you are trying to distract me and it will not work," Nik said, smoothing his other big hand over Price's damp hair.

"Blimey, Jonathan..."

"Close your eyes."

Price did as he was told and took a deep breath through his nose. He'd be lying if he said this wasn't nice; a headache had been developing in his temples and Nik's palm was warm against his scalp. The first strawberry touched his lower lip and Price opened his mouth obediently. The sweet flesh of the fruit broke over his tongue, accented perfectly by the dab of Nutella Nik had scooped up with the edge, and Price's toes damn curled in pleasure.

"Good?" Nik asked, thumb brushing over the stubble on Price's chin as he chewed.

Price swallowed. "Mm, maybe."

"You are a bad liar."

"'m a brilliant liar to everyone else. Only seem t' have a problem with you." Price shuffled his shoulders to get comfortable. "I think I need a few more t' confirm."

Nik grinned. "That, I can do."

The next was just as good as the first, and the third was as good as that. Nik ate a few himself and then leaned down, his hand scooping beneath Price's head to lift him up for a kiss. A tongue that tasted sometimes of whiskey, often sugar free mint chewing gum, now filled Price's mouth with the sweetness of strawberries.

The sex that followed was good. The slow, deep kind where neither were particularly worried about reaching the end; more interested in touching, checking. Nik had been airborne when that Chinook had exploded, but he had been close enough to watch one of its blades spin over the heads of the 141.

Nik's body was heavy and warm between Price's legs, the low rumble of his voice vibrating in Price's chest and curling around his heart, softer and warmer even than the blankets Nik pulled over them in the aftermath. He buried his face in Price's hair, pulling him back so that their bodies touched from head to toe. "A sweet boy who loves sweet things," Nik murmured.

"Ain't nothin' sweet about me, Nikolai," Price said, voice rough in the afterglow.

"We will agree to disagree," Nik said, curling his arm up around Price's chest. "Whoever said you could not have these things, they were wrong. I will ensure you have as much of it as your heart desires."

It was difficult to argue when your entire body was humming with contentment, so Price closed his eyes and bedded down for a nap, basking in Nik's arms. The paperwork could wait until the morning.

[thatdeadaquarius]

GREETINGS! How are you doing? I've been practically gobbling up your posts (there very tasty)

Ok so hear me out- I've seen a couple posts like this but imagine-

The almighty all powerful wise creator isss

✨️A literal child✨️

Thanks for hearing me out! For you ->->❤️

Baby you taking on the world aw

DAMN SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER!! i started fics before i answered my askbox :/

Aw i fucking love child reader stuff,

Lots of isekai animes/manhwa/manga do it and i eat that shit up everytime-

I also deeply appreciate when its not done creepily, like being turned 8 again, and having crushes on others who are... yknow, actually 8 yrs old or sm fucked up shit, like even if its 16 yr olds that doesnt make it any better, bc the protag will actually be like,, actually 20?!?!💀 the straights r wild man, i feel like it happens either way too, like its usually a male MC but thats just bc theyre more common tbh, like regardless of gender of protag 🥲

☆

Sun: Child God Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Short Headcanons

Stars: Mondstadt ppl bc i don't show them i love them enough

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: none known & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment any I missed. /gen

Klee has recruited converted you to throwing bombs with her.

You are the only leash on that child too and the only thing standing between Jean and full head of gray hair. 💀

Kaeya doesn’t know whether he’s endlessly worried or endlessly amused that the most powerful god is currently a child

if Jean isnt freaking out over ur whereabouts, Diluc is instead, and worst case scenario, Noelle/Lisa/Albedo is in charge of you

and YES someone has to look out for you, bc ur ass will just start making a hot springs spot like ur in ur teapot or smth in dragonspine (Albedo was fascinated it stayed warm despite the weather so he let you make it/enjoy it before asking u to restore natural order lol)

(Albedo has definitely asked to study you and, unfortunately for Jean, asked u to demonstrate several powers u have)

You do work as a lucky charm for Bennett tho so he does babysit u sometimes

it mostly consists of Fischl, Benny, and Razor “adventuring” by trying to do smth like who can jump on the Anemo slimes and ride them around longest

(the answer is you btw, u managed to get a small fleet of them to bus you around, the teens were simultaneously terrified running around below u to catch you and also amazed)

Noelle is so happy making toddler you all the pancakes you can eat, Sucrose had to stop her from going overboard and not just listening completely to kids when it comes to food

She is now very concerned with making you a balanced diet, tho she will still make u an ungodly tall stack of pancakes every now and then <3

They kind of all equally provide for you, obv ur their god, and ur a literal cutie patootie child, they cant just leave you

(also u might like move a mountain or change the weather or smth if they don't watch you so most are a little paranoid of that too)

Lisa gets u all kinds of cute outfits, still stuff you'd like, but definitely snuck in some sumeru looking clothing lol

Fischl lends you all kinds of books to read, Bennett shows u all the cool views in the city and outside of it (when Jean lets him get away with taking u that far), and Razor…

Razor brings you to Andrius and the wolf pack for a wolf pack party and gives u all kinds of shiny trinkets he’d collected for you

Diluc/Jean/Noelle/Eula nearly had a heart attack when they found out

Amber lets you have all the piggyback rides you want lol

she even managed with her own crafting powers (and your probably editing the game code or smth) she somehow makes a reinforced glider with a small harness on the back for you to glide with her

(Venti has definitely helped for some fun flights by boosting the winds for you two)

SPEAKING OF BARBATOS

ur absolutely spoiled rotten by him (and Dvalin, and Andrius, and the wind sprites)

if this god had money he’d spend it on wine and you lol

takes u flying all the time, any time, would drop everything to go to Mondstadt wilds and use his archon form wings to take you wherever you wanna go

tries to bring u to Angel’s Share but Diluc nearly hits him on the head with a wine bottle and brings you back home after kicking Venti out and giving you grape juice (yes you get all you want, within a healthy amount)

anyway the most important part abt you being a god and child is that you can now fulfill your childhood dreams of riding a dragon whenever you want

(one way to quickly get Mondstadt citizens to trust Dvalin again was just constantly seeing him flying overhead, occasionally seeing a small child on his back also helped lol)

(neither you nor Venti tell Jean you ride Dvalin and keep it an active secret from her.)

☆

srry i took so long! i hope u liked my hot mess of writing (i think its even sloppier than usual bc of all the fic writing full sentences lately)

and if not, I'm sorrryyy 😭😭

I'm focusing on getting thru a haul of asks before getting around to posting that Eldritch AU Part 2 if anyone reads this :)

hope u guys are have a great weekend, thanks for all the birthday wishes!! :D

Safe Travels Anon,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[princess-of-the-corner]

ML AU - Public Divorce

So, before Origins, sometime over … whatever break/vacation Paris kids have between school years, André finds out about Audrey’s “Other Family” (Zoé & Mr. Lee) in just about the worst way possible. What follows is a very loud, ugly, chaotic mess of a VERY PUBLIC divorce, as Audrey and André use their various platforms to slander the other. It is brutal, and not particularly dignified. They attack each other’s character, their appearances, their hobbies, even diets. Anything they appear in suddenly turns into being stuck at your friends house while their parents argue. At some point, in a “stick it to my ex” kind of move, André starts “dating(??)” other woman, trying to prove … something? That he doesn’t need Audrey? That she’s replaceable?? Anyway, Audrey decides fair’s fair, and starts publicly toting around her array of “side pieces” that she’s had for years.

Of course, none of this is actually GOOD for either of their popularities - Audrey opinions as the “Style Queen” starts to tarnish, André starts losing in the polls. But then. Then, after several MONTHS of this nonsense, André finally gets reminded, “oh yeah! We have a kid!” and starts using Chloé to slander Audrey. How she SUCKED as a mother, was never there, how he basically was raising Chloé as a single parent. And Audrey starts going on about how she never WANTED kids, how André was so DEMANDING, how trapped she felt in their marriage, How it isn’t HER fault she barely knows anything about Claudine, André never wanted her around!

Anyway, Chloé starts the school year, not as the returning Queen Bitch, but an exhausted girl who would appreciate it if everyone just knocked it off and let her sleep, please and thank you. She’s spent most of the break camping out at either Sabrina’s or Adrien’s, whenever Daddy wasn’t dragging her out to show how much he was still a “family man” or whatever bullshit he’s trying to do now. This Chloé has officially reached her limit. She’s watched her parents devolve into literal toddlers, gone through an emotional death coaster, and landed on a very bitter, resigned acceptance. As far as she’s concerned, nothing she can do will make any difference, so fuck it! Let’s wear hoodies all day! Let’s swim in the Seine! How about I burn all my clothes! Who gives a shit!? She’ll spend almost a week doing nothing but sleeping, then go on a shopping spree for knives. She’s giving into whatever random impulses strike her, and otherwise just not giving a single fuck. Sabrina and Adrien have been taking turns as her impulse control, preventing her from doing anything TRULY nuts, but they fear it’s only a matter of time.

Other assorted notes:

- there’s no prank on the first day, Chloé is too tired for this shit. She’s camping outside to make SURE Adrien doesn’t get derailed, and then she is taking a nap.

- Alya, being an aspiring reporter, has been following the Bourgeois Breakdown on the news. She gets a little too excited on realizing that Chloé is in her class, and asks several blunt, too personal Questions about how Chloé feels about the divorce. Chloé, who has been dealing with this shit for months from “real” reporters she isn’t allowed to “snap” at lest it affect her mom or dad negatively, punches Alya in the face. Alya at least admits later she probably deserved it.

- honestly, Chloé’s just more ready to throw hands in general. She’s swinging between total exhaustion and “Tired of Being, Time to go Apeshit”.

- she is, at all times, two (2) seconds from either kicking the shit out of someone, or taking a nap.

- Everyone, bar Sabrina and Adrien, is a little awkward around Chloé now, cause how do they handle “girl who was kind of a bitch to all of us since kindergarten, but now all her family’s shit has been airing on live TV for three months?”

- Marinette and Chloé kind of have a shaky truce, since Chloé ran into the Dupain-Cheng Bakery to escape a hoard of reporters, and Marinette hid her behind the counter and got said reporters to leave. They’re not really friends, but they aren’t enemies, nor are they “I leave you alone, you leave me alone”. It’s weirdly tense, but both girls are refusing to break the awkward stalemate.

- Bustier keeps trying to recommend Chloé to see the school guidance Counsellor, Chloé keeps saying no cause, “He didn’t do shit about me picking on Dupain-Cheng for literal years, this is DEFINITELY above his paygrade”.

- Chloé is refusing to take any blame for the divorce. Oh, she’s definitely had the thoughts of “are they splitting because of me?”, but how the pair of them are HANDLING the divorce? All the public mudslinging and arguments, and screaming at each other on the nightly news? That, Chloé is refusing to acknowledge as in any way relating to herself. It’s mostly spite, but also the healthiest part of her mindset regarding the whole thing

- André gets Akumatized about 6 different times as “Homewrecker”, before Chloé grabs a butterfly on purpose to go “Hawk Moth, if you turn my dad into a divorce Akuma one more fucking time, I am going to track you down with the express purpose of ripping out your spine, beating you with it, and then putting it back by feeding you each individual vertebrae”. When Homewrecker 7 turns up, someone posts a video of Chloé just screaming obscenities at the sky.

- André does lose the next mayoral election, at least partially as a result of this nonsense. D'argencourt also loses, so instead we have the dark horse of the mayoral race, Onyx Beauty, who was honestly not expecting to win. She’s kind of in shock the first week.

- Zoé and Mr. Lee find out about all this by accident, on the nightly news. How exactly do you handle finding out you are part of an affair destabilizing Parisian politics?

- the Miracuclass starts getting dragged in, cause André and Audrey start an extremely petty “funding race”, trying to boost their popularities by supporting “up and coming youth talent”. Chloé starts giving out cards that say “Sorry you got stuck in the middle with me”.

- both André and Audrey are rich enough they can drag other celebrities into their nonsense. Jagged Stone is, so far, the only one who managed to escape. Clara Nightengale called him for a week straight with horror stories.

- We find out that, after the Akuma shit started, lots of people took their business out of Paris, so yes, Bob Roth IS, in fact, one of the only people in Paris funding stuff. He keeps egging Audrey and André on, cause all their shit is making him lots of money. A tabloid calls the three of them “Paris’ Most Toxic Throuple!”. Chloé posts a video that is nothing but an adorable parakeet screaming bloody murder for two minutes.

- Lila comes in all prepared with extravagant lies that will make her new class swoon over her, but everyone is so burnt out on any kind of celebrity related drama that it isn’t nearly as effective as she wants it to be. She has more success supplying cool random facts, Italian cultural knowledge, acting trivia, and cute fox videos. Her entire plot gets derailed because she isn’t lying much, if at all, and everyone loves her as herself. 

- Gabriel is actually getting kind of uncomfortable Akumatizing André and Audrey over the divorce, so he starts giving them really lame powers. Or at least, powers he THINKS are lame. After the third glitter related disaster, he starts running ideas by Nathalie, and keeps a specific list of “useless” powers he can give to Audrey and André.

Thoughts? Feelings? Opinions? How you’d write something like this?

-

I am loving this tbh!

[zoomclown]

i know it's late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY WARREN GODBY

[semifilms]

Hello, hello. I’m new here so I don’t know how many character I can request but may I request headcanons of vacations with Suna, oikawa and semi

☆VACATIONS W/ THEM | suna rintaro, toru oikawa, semi eita, atsumu miya

a/n - i actually love this prompt anon and i apologize for being very late to respond and do it 😭i hope you don’t mind that i added atsumu to this🫡 also i got a little carried away & i didn’t proofread 🙈

cw - light swearing

suna doesn’t remember almost anything when you guys are packing. it’s like all basic necessities he needs, he forgets. on the plane ride he is sleeping almost the whole time, he’s dreading the jetlag but he wants to be prepared for the long day you guys have planned. wherever you decide to vacation he’s excited to be there as long as you are. you’re happy, he’s happy. the only thing he’s really looking forward to might be sleeping in the hotel. the plane seats were not comfortable. you think he paid for first class? no. once he gets real good sleep in he’s actually so much more energetic and is ready to go do little tourist things. he takes servers pictures of you guys at landmarks and restaurants just to save to a little album on his phone <3

oikawa is basically vlogging the whole process of picking and the trip. he honestly isn’t that forgetful but he’ll forget like one thing and it’s probably really important. seems like the type to overpack and forget his passport. also definitely wants to be their 2 hours early. you guys would grub on airport food until the flight. and yes, you’re definitely flying first class i don’t think i could picture him settling in economy. he’s seen the movies and he’s experienced those crying toddlers and those unlucky seats in between sweaty strangers. he’s not up for that at all. he would definitely post pictures of you guys posing in front of landmarks to his socials. or the food you guys eat at restaurants. i feel like i’m his instagram close friends he’s rating the food like he’s keith lee. overall it’s a very enjoyable vacation.

SEMIIIIIII my love<<333. (my bad) anyway, he makes sure you don’t forget anything. he made a list and he checked it not once, not twice, but three times he had to make sure. you guys leave prepared and you get to the airport 20 minutes before departure. i’m sorry but he’s not trying to wait in the airport for 5 hours, like some people…. if there are any types of street performers music wise or whatever he will stop so you two can watch. (definitely leaving tips.) going to an art museum is on the itinerary. he just likes making little jokes about the art and interpreting it in a funny way and not making it deep. but he also really appreciates the art and especially street art (if any where you vacationed) he will make small talk with older natives to wherever you visit and listen to their stories. even if he’s not interested he acts like he is. he’s making the most out of the vacation that’s for sure.

now i’ve thought about atsumu on vacation several times this is why i had to include him. he’s forgetful when you’re packing, no doubt but in the end he remembers everything and you guys BARELY make it in time to the airport. you’d think with how often he’s flown he’d be better but no. this man is looking forward to fucking up some foreign food. he is using this vacation as an excuse for whatever diet he is on. fans spot him in the airport when you guys arrive and the amount of paparazzi is insane. nonetheless he is really just has his arm wrapped around you as you guys head out to the ride waiting for you. NICE ASS HOTEL! NICE ASS HOTEL! 100% got one of those rooms that looks like an apartment. did you guys watch singles inferno? like those. back to the food he is cleaning plates and trying every single dish recommend at the restraints. hell take some photos of landmarks but he’s rather just enjoy it with you in the moment.

©semifilms do not copy, repost or translate my works

reblogs appreciated!

[femmefatalevibe]

Hey, I've recently discovered a Youtube channel, The Financial Diet, and they have some really good material. I've mostly been listening to the stuff about how domestic chores aren't evenly distributed in marriage. Whether a woman chooses to be a career woman or a housewife, she's still getting the short end of the stick and will usually bare the majority of the weight for the household. I'd recommend this video in particular, Solving The Problem Of The Adult Toddler Husband. They bring up some really good points that have sat with me since I first watched it. For example, a group of very accomplished women left the house for 2 hours and WWIII broke out at home because their husbands couldn't manage. All the women had to abandon their plans and go tend to the house. Hearing stuff like this gives me pause. I'd really like to get married and be a mother, but it just seems like a bad business move, no matter the type of man a woman marries. I'm not the sacrificial type--I want to be a mother and a wife and still maintain my own identity. Just thought I'd share this here because I live in a region where I'm not allowed to bring up these issues lest I sound like a, feminist (*gasp*).

Hi love! Yes, I think The Financial Diet channel is great. Chelsea has some great, easy-to-understand tips regarding personal finance/money management, and I love her guest contributors/podcast guest episodes. Oh, this notion highlighted in this episode is SO true IRL. A 2008 study found that husbands add 7 hours of housework a week to their wives' plates, while wives decreased a husband's household chores by 1 hour per week.

Check out Melanie Hamlett on TikTok if you want to dive further into this topic. She labels the man in this dynamic under the patriarchy as "King Baby," and it gets me every time!

The Commercialization Of Intimate Life by Arlie Russell Hochschild is a wonderful read on this topic (and the most intersectional text I've found on the subject).

Glad to share more on this topic in the future if there's interest xx

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Hi hi! I made some Ocs to ship With the Austins! (A, Q and B, Boulet being a platonic ship)

Their desings!

Camile:

• Omnisexual (More towards man and Nb) She/her

• French and Mexican

•Works at a café owned by her parents (Cozy café)

• Has a Doberman named peanut Chichi!

• Big sister!

• Has a mostly calm and friendly personality, but can be loud if the subject is about sports, like soccer

•Ballet queen✨🩰

• Has insecurities of her body because of past situations (cof cof- bad ex cof-cof)

• Has a soft, cozy style of clothes

•Determined and brave with the things she wants to do ୧⁠(⁠＾⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠＾⁠)⁠୨

• Good hugger and head patter (confirmed by Austin A)

• Her favorite food is pumpkin pie!

• Will totally pinch your cheeks playfully

Sophia:

•Demigirl she/they

• Russian and French

• Has a Guine Pig called Soup

• Plays the clarinet🎵🎶

• Has a swiss Gyaru BFF! Lily!

• Make up! ✨

• Goth girl but her room is filled with pink/ black, squishmellows and Kuromi from onegai my melody things

• She *will* talk back to you, she ain't afraid of confrontation

• Sarcastic humor and bratty personality (Not a bratty Chloe personality tho, they aren't that kind of mean;-;)

•Young sister of Biker older brother, a good relathionship with him! (Dmitri)

•Actually a sweet person, just likes to annoy the shit out of people

• Insecure of her body, she doesnt think that is pretty \:(

• Favorite food is Shchi! (Cabbage soup, kinda)

Erica:

• Aceflux she/her

• Greek and French

• Has a Cockatoo named Presly

•Makes part of a group called "The Disasters", the cool kids of her school, her nickname is Earthquake!

• Makes part of the school Voleyball team!

• Pokemon *nerd*, Sylveon fan, has merch, plushies, and etc of it

• Toned for going to the gym 4 times a week

• Really carefull with diet due to Diabetes

• She may look spooky for her higth and harsh face, but she'll get as red as a tomato if you say her hair is nice

• Besties with Boulet, totally go shiny haunting with him

• Should be protected, she doesnt have the courage to ask to take out the pickles from her burger

• *DO NOT* comment on her mom, she unfortunaly passed away when she was a toddler

• Favorite food is Grilled fish with lemon (yummy)

THEMMMMM!!!

[lazulian-devil]

Antoinette Burgund or the story of how I as a Sims Player actually laughed out loud in exasperation several times because holy fuck, this was a bad idea but also weirdly funny?

Let me tell you the story of my latest Sims 3 Adventure (its wild, my dudes):

We start out with a single mother, whos running away from her abusive boyfriend and therefore has:

- no money

- no skills (thats because she just spawned in)

- no connections

- no qualifications (my rule was, that she could only get a parttime job once she reached Lvl 5 in a skill and a full time job once her baby is a Teenager, because at that point, she should have enough "references" that she could take a lowlevel job. She was also not allowed to take any job that payed more than 30 Simoleons an hour at entry level).

Her name is Antoinette Burgund and she looks somewhat like there were fairies in her line, but she wasnt blessed with that particular gift. She and her son get set to 0 Familyfunds via cheat and then we start.

Her goal in Life? Learning all recipes. As a woman that constantly hungers, such luxuries fill her dreams.

She moves into a new neighbourhood and its hell. Her kid is constantly hungry, shes constantly tired, neither of them can sleep. She spends most of her time in the library to learn some essential skills (and because there are benches and computers) or at the gym, for showering. At some point, she realises there are dumpsters behind the gym but I - the Player - foolishly decide that she still has too much pride and try managing without.

This last about half an in game week of hunger and constant exhaustion (this is the first time I had a Sim with wishes like "buy a stove" or "buy a shower". Very immersive!) before she dumpster dives with a crying baby behind her in the parking lot. Luckily for her, she actually finds good stuff that she can sell via "eBay" and therefore can finally buy a crib and a sleeping bag. From learning gardening at the library, she also has slowly fruiting tomatoes and grapes.

Though she is constantly hungry anyways. With a combination of fishing, gardening and dumpster diving, she eventually manages to buy a 4*4 "shed", with a toilet, outside shower, etc. Its... Not going well. She cant buy her toddler much to play with, making him reliant on weird gifted doll that occupies all his time. And her diet consists of apples, tomatoes and the occasional dining experience. Mostly stealing from public picknick stuff though.

When Julian grows up, Antoinette leaves him to his own devices while she tries to provide for him. They barely talk, as her shift follows right after his schoolday and by the time she gets home, he tends to be asleep.

But she always puts food in the fridge for him and when he wishes for something, she makes it possible. Julian is an artistic child, so she signs him up for after school ballet classes and gets him an easel to paint with.

At some point, while Julian is at home and Antoinette is in the library at night, she decides to marry into a wealthy family. Shes pretty enough and charming, so she starts online dating and actually matches with someone she knows to be rich. Even though it feels wrong, she knows that her boy wont have a good future when the tax payment takes about a fifth of what they have. Adding to the shed is expensive, her fruit dont sell for much and her job makes her around 100 Simoleons per day.

And she would do anything for her boy. Trying to set up a meeting is denied several times, but the rich man (someone by the name of Van Ghoul) and her text and he seems nice enough. One day, she decides to just visit his house and is practically marveled at the size of it. She also learns why her phone boyfriend isnt meeting up with her: Hes married. So much so that his adult son opens the door. Adult and very much single.

Also, a vampire. But after everything shes been through, why shouldnt she have immortality? She deserves the power. She deserves the strength.

So she seduces his son, a man that barely knows hardship. Who drives a car that costs more than she ever had in her life. He is nice though. Incredibly so. He doesnt complain about being taken out to cheap dinner or going to free places. Hes a good man, all things concidered.

Then it happens. Antoinette asked him out after she got a promotion. Hes ecstatic and takes her out to the feygardens, Antoinettes favourite place. They walk and talk (and woohoo) in the Aboreum. Its perfect. She wants to propose then and there, ask him to move in, meet her boy.

But, as they walk outside, a meteor strikes both of them dead. He dies, in an instant. Antoinette does too. But death is so amused by her constant misfortune, that he lets her live.

The meteor also turns out to be worth a fortune, enough for her to upgrade the shed into a small house.

[This was by far the funniest part of the playthrough, it was so unexpected].

Broken, grieving and utterly convinced that life just hates her, she goes to a bar. Everything was looking up, her boyfriend loved her, they wanted to marry. Her son was having good grades despite everything and even made some friends!

She walks into the bar, confused and worried and all kinds of messed up. The barman, for some reason, is immediately smitten with her. She doesnt know it yet, but the man that buys her a drink and makes her laugh about everything is also rich. She wont know for quite some time more. She doesnt really care.

Joe McDuff calls her again and again and over the years, while her boy becomes a Teenager, she falls for him. Hard.

Julian now goes to artclass after school, becoming a magnificent painter. All the time she spent playing xylophon with him have put the music into his soul and he gets more and more artsy as the years go by.

Eventually, Joe tells her everything: He doesnt have a job, all his money comes from his dad, he doesnt have a fancy car or anything else, but he loves her. So much. He would marry her right now.

And they do. With only the Player and her son as witness, Joe and Antoinette marry in front of the shed, mid summer, and he leaves his home and family behind. They call, worried, but Joe promises them a party once everything is settled and they reluctantly let him go.

He doesnt bring much money, but its enough to add a few rooms to the house and give Julian his own room. They even buy a computer and as a gift to his stepson, Joe gets him a guitar.

It turns out that Joe has absolutely no skills whatsoever, but hes a sincere man that left the comfort of his home for the love of his life. They'll make it work.

[He is useless. I lobe him, but he is such a spoiled child. Also he wants to become an Athlete, so making him jog everywhere is weirdly funny to me]

Not too long after that, Antoinette is pregnant and the family party needs to be canceled in favor of the new baby: Cesare. Born on the night of Julians prom. He comes home late, gets arrested and scolded by his mother and put to house arrest.

Yup. Poor Julian.

This was a wild fucking ride and it was so much fun. I sincerely never struggled this hard to keep them alive and well, and it was the most fun Ive had in a while with Sims 3! Cant wait to get back to the idiots.

(Also, play with unlucky Sims. Its fantastic).

[mybrainisalibrary]

In honor of Reformation Day, I wanted to share about Philipp of Hesse for anyone who has never heard about him because his story will never not be wild to me.

Philipp was a German ruler during the Reformation, and a good friend of Philip Melanchthon (another powerhouse theologian who collaborated with Luther)

So: Philipp came to power in the state of Hessen at 13 years old, resolving a decade of unrest that had been going on since his father died when Philipp was a toddler. In the first week of his rule, he immediately went to settle the custody dispute over his teenage cousin that involved the freaking emperor of Austria-Hungary. His cousin and her mom had been approached about hanging out in the emperor's household, causing a power struggle between them and Philipp's mom because 1) the imperial lifestyle is expensive and would drain Hesse's coffers and 2) Philipp's mom didn't want her sister-in-law gaining more power

So 13-year-old Philipp took a group of men and rolled up to where his cousin was staying and told her she could either come with him right now, or he would never help her in any way for the rest of their lives. (His cousin agreed to go, and that was the end of that.)

At age 17 he attended the Diet of Worms and got to meet with Luther one-on-one because he wanted to ask a question - about polygamy. Nothing else. (This will come up again).

He encountered Melanchthon on the way home from the Diet and the two began correspondence. Years later he quietly converted to Protestantism on a hunting trip, then returned home and abruptly started closing monasteries and making immediate church reforms, in regular communication with Melanchthon.

In 1525 there was a big meeting of leaders in Augsburg that Austrian Archduke Ferdinand was attending. His presence was expected to cow the rebellious states that supported Luther - might of the Holy Roman Empire against them and all that. This did give some leaders pause and it's possible the tide would have turned here - except Philipp said 'nah, we're not gonna be bullied'

The FIRST thing he did upon arrival to the city that Thursday was have a cow slaughtered to be eaten the next day, Friday, when Catholics would abstain from meat. The SECOND thing he did was to set up his court preacher to give sermons from the balcony of his residence, breaking the 'no preaching' rule that was in place. This boldness inspired the other leaders and they did not back down.

A few years later in 1529, Philipp facilitated a meeting in his city, Marburg, between Luther and Zwingli. This was the first and only time the two EVER met face-to-face. They were debating the meaning and purpose of the Eucharist, and weren't able to find any common ground, but it was a big moment.

So this man has been a champion of the Protestant cause, a powerhouse - and THEN.

Remember how he was interested in polygamy as a teenager? Yeah he never got over that. There's a series of letters between him and Melanchthon and Luther, essentially going like:

P: Hey polygamy is a thing in the Old Testament is it cool if I take a second wife?

M/L: I mean I'd recommend against it because it's not called a good thing and most people are gonna consider it unbiblical. But like...it's also NOT explicitly condemned...

P: Okay cool I it should be fine right?

Luther: I guess but just keep it on the down-low, you don't want to spread this around, and definitely keep my name out of this please

P: Awesome, letting you know I just married this woman the other week!

L: Congrats dude, I'm happy you're happy - but again, please keep this quiet and DON'T tell anyone that I gave you tacit approval

Philipp, literally like 2 weeks later: So uh, the cat's out of the bag about my second marriage. I told my sister and she told...everyone.

And this was basically the end of Philipp's influence and overall reputation. He still tried to do his thing and tried to work for peace between Catholics and Protestants, but he lost a lot of credibility, and now he's mainly remembered for bigamy!

[3spurrrr]

How bitches eat.

All of them are hungry for snacks and food 24/7 unless I state otherwise!

- Inumaki, gojo and yuuji are messy eaters it's like feeding a toddler. They also lowkey inhale the food. I headcanon them as real munchies. They'd make a "mmmmm 😊" noise everytime they take a bite lmfao and at the end of the meal rub their belly and say "that was delicious 🥰"

They are so cute, hihihihihi

If you are new to him, he'd try his best to make a somewhat good first impression, but once you get to know him. Good luck bitch. If you have that "sauce at the corner of the lips" ick. You ain't winnin son.

- Megumi, noritoshi, geto, todo and nanami are the cleanest fucking eaters and like to kinda savor the taste. Distinguished men. Geto especially enjoys normal food since he has to eat fucking curse bouncy balls all day :/

They do EAT because big boys need big meals, but they aren't as hungry for snacks and stuff (cuz they prefer balanced meals that ACTUALLY fill them up in a sensible way)

Tho I'd think that geto would always be down for a couple snacks here and there. Like he'd take a few chips or something.

*I feel like nanami generally doesn't have an appetite and just cooks because he can and he understands that he needs to eat something. My man is depressed :(

*Todo a foodie tho!!!

- choso is also somewhat of a clean eater but goddamn it does he eat fast. You blinked and the food was gone. If you point it out he will be HELLLAAA embarrassed and try to eat slower than you do, but because he is an impatient babygirl he'd quickly lecture you on why you shouldn't judge people's eating habits and eat his damn meal like he wants to. He'd wait for you every. Single. Time. Thoo

He'd try his best to not be annoying and that's it.

- nobara inhales the food and probably likes to eat with her hands (queen)

- miwa is sooooo slow and babbles around a lot when she eats cuz she feels uncomfortable eating in silence lmao even if it's just herself at the table.

- shoko is the most relatable. Her diet consists of cigs, alcohol, a couple instant bento meals that you get in Japan and the occasional real meal she made for herself cuz. LET HER COOK!

- yaga is a master chef. But he was helpless in the beginning.

- guitarist old grandpa dude. One word for him: SOUP.

- the rest is just normal tbh.

[theunvanquishedzims]

I wonder if he's had it re-installed yet

what the heck, is he a tween? is he a child? is he an actual literal toddler?, why not just have a water fountain that dispenses diet coke?, why not install a vending machine in the oval office?, a BUTTON that has a BUTLER fetch you a DIET COKE, this is some Richie Rich level entitlement, except Richie Rich is a LITERAL CHILD, I guess a mini fridge isn't dignified decor, but still a BUTTON that when pressed summons a GROWN MAN, who has worked his way up through the ranks of the household staff, in the most prominent and powerful House in the country if not the world, second only to Buckingham Palace, whose sole responsibility is to see to the comfort and needs of the President, aka the most powerful man in the world, to fetch him a DIET COKE, it just hit me, this is probably the same man who had to bring the president several cans of beans, just unopened cans of beans to pose with at his desk in the Oval Office, like a mockery of a celebrity endorsement.

They dropped this on us as if we knew about the Diet Coke button