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tosikoarts · 5 years ago

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SFW Alphabet | Mihael Keehl

You can check tosikowrites tag for more! Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

The most straightforward among main three of Wammy’s boys. His interpretation of own feelings is excellent and he makes sure everybody around knows about them. If he hates you, you’ll feel a burning hole in your back whether it is because of intense staring or literal bullet. If he loves you, you’ll be surrounded by abundance of affection.

When it comes to person he loves, Mello is very vocal. Words do matter, they oblige you and put responsibility on your shoulders. That’s why he loves to brag about his dearest to the closest friends, and even acquaintances know about this one special person. Another important thing is nickname, which Mello chooses based on the brightest features of character/appearance. Baby, honey, dearest are common too but he feels that they deserve exceptional treatment and exceptional nickname.

He absolutely loves physical affection. Skin to skin contact gives him weird sensation right in the head as if he can physically feel neurons releasing dopamine. It also helps with keeping his anxiety under control.

By the way, sometimes inferiority complex gets the best of him, and in these moments he is extremely capricious. For the same reason Mello may act like his loved one deserves everything, while he can go with bare minimum.

He is great at reassurances. The second he realizes his loved one is insecure, upset, lost, the gears in his head start zealously turning. The words he uttered are always spoken in the right tone and able to touch the necessary strings of the soul. At the same time Mello always has doubts in the efforts made.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Friendship with Mello carries spirit of 80s-90s. It’s a wild ride he once invited you to and then you couldn’t get off. Stuff gets messy, stuff gets hot, but it doesn’t matter until you both have fun.

He will roast you so much and will never get offended if you roast him in response. Mello aims for a good laugh only. His favorite entertainment is to go shopping together just to critic each other’s outfits.

You better move that body when he drags you on the dance-floor. Blasting music and colorful lights make him feel like a fish in the water so Mello will try to teach you dance. Yes, from the easiest ones to Michael Jackson’s moonwalk.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles are essential for relationship with Mello. He enjoys snuggle up to his loved one on calm evenings, when there’s nothing to disturb the peace. Warmness of loved one’s head on his chest and smell of their skin calm him down better than chamomile-mint tea. He loves to listen to the sound of another person’s heartbeat as well.

Mello has one pet peeve tho: frequent head pats and hair stroking lead to greasy hair and this is exactly what he hates. If they put hand on his beautiful blond locks, he will take them by the finger and place their palm on his lips. This is a small but very loud gesture.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

The thought of settling down never popped up in his head. Mello is way too young, he wants to live his life to the maximum without thinking about another dirty plate in the sink or how long it takes to make boiled eggs. Based on this you can say he doesn’t like to do any housework. His cooking skills are decent but he prefers creative mess to boring order. Mello likes to help someone in kitchen when he is in the good mood.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Nervous type he is, Mello doesn’t want to end this relationship. But he has to. But he can’t. He is indecisive and hesitates on the way to them. Hell, if they are in good mood or overly excited, Mello won't say a word about break up. In his mind it has to be like pulling a tooth – painful but necessary, - but real life doesn’t work that way. When the moment finally comes he cannot keep his voice steady. Mello tries to end it as fast as possible and hold back a scream because yelling at his loved one is something he promised he’ll never do. Actually, I can see him doing something impulsive to blow off steam. Breaking random stuff, for example, or shooting bottles.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

No. Getting married is too much. He can’t see wedding bells ring no matter how hard he tries. Every day he becomes more confident in thought that strong sincere relationship do not need bureaucracy in the form of marriage. The only time you need a marriage certificate is during the divorce process. Mello isn’t 100% sure but pretty close to this percentage. If his loved one insists on marriage he will immerse in conflicting feelings. Then his next actions will depend on many factors but Mello definitely will try to explain his position and convince them in its validity.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Mello is on the rougher side when it comes to both physical and emotional affection. Childhood in the orphanage, involvement with the mafia, psychological issues, and responsibility placed on his shoulders taught it is necessity to be tough to survive in this world. When he lets his guard down nasty inner voice keeps reminding Mello about situations in which it could be a critical mistake. This leads us to the next point.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Here he comes, another touched-starved male with trust issues. Mello needs time to get used to soft touch of other’s person hands. Sometimes he puts too much strength in his hugs and it may come across a little rough. Likes them anyway, takes initiative 90% of the time.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It completely and entirely depends on his gut feeling. Something elusive tells him whether to trust a person or not, it’s not a rational decision. As soon as this strange sensation appears, he will immediately calmly utter three treasured words, and it’s not even so important for him to hear them in return. Mello just wants another person to know that they have become an integral part of his life.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

In addition to being easily jealous, Mello is scary as hell when someone is hitting on his loved one. If he witness such insolence, he will be extremely vocal and, well, unexpectedly rude. He is not afraid to get physical too.

If it’s his loved one who is acting flirtatious, Mello will be pissed off as well. His feelings are explosive mix of disappointment, anger, malcontent. It’s better to get off his way and let him cool a little before trying to explain anything or make excuses. In a fit of jealous rage he may say some terrible things which he’ll regret later.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

The most passionate kisser imaginable. He loves to kiss and he knows how to do it properly so why would you complain. He tends to forget about personal boundaries in process so make out sessions can get really… touchy. Anyway, loves to shower his loved one with kisses all over them, but lip smooches are his favorite. At the same time Mello doesn’t care where they kiss him because of solid fact he is being kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He is so awkward. Calm/gentle/kind children are ok, but if he has to deal with angry little shit who throws tantrum whenever possible, he will flip out. Being around his own children is more or less bearable but don’t expect much when it’s someone else's kids annoying poor man. Mello definitely will teach his favorite one all of the swear words as a joke.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

On a free day no matter who wakes up first you will spend another hour in the bed cuddling. Then life will pour cold water on you when Mello gets frustrated with making breakfast. This may grow into small quarrel but most of the time he pulls himself together and you two find a satisfying compromise. During breakfast on work week you rarely hear any plans for the day from him but he stays curious about your schedule just to see if he can catch you for a lunch or a short call. Nothing special, really.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Night is his favorite time of the day. Neon signs, coolness, slight buzz of a big city work as a charm on Mello, he feels free from people’s staring, empty chatter, and daily duties. If he could show the world as he sees it to his loved one, at least approximate image, dim reflections of pale moon in the high-rises’ glass, he would. So to do it he takes them on late night walks and rides, new places every time.

Cafes and restaurants are another of his weaknesses, not only pastry shops, but also small diners with food that would seem boring to many. Take-outs are frequent too because chilling under the lilac sky and stargazing with Mello are 10 out of 10.

Don't let yourself be fooled, he likes to stay inside as much. Thanks to Matt, you’ll spend most of the time playing video-games and drinking pop until one of you starts yawning.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Mello is straightforward within adequate limits. You wouldn’t expect person to blur out “I hunt a Kira with my genius rival that works with FBI and Japanese Police” at any point of your movie night anyway, right? He does not pretend and does not resort to excessive secrecy but prefers to reveal facts about himself one by one.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Quickly gets angry, quickly cools down. Sadly, he his emotions are too strong and he does not know how to handle them and it often ends in heated argument. Even during a quarrel he feels his actions are hurting you but it’s not something he can stop at the click of a finger. After everything has settled down he is extremely remorseful and tried to make amends but Mello never ever promises to change. Why you make ask? In that case actions speak louder than words.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Remembers the stupidest things. He can’t remember any important dates like the day you started dating but will remind you about the most embarrassing thing you did in high school. Hell, he forgets your number sometimes but can describe the exact clothes you wore on that rainy day when car splashed you.

Unknown forces help Mello in choosing a birthday present. He has no clue what you wanted and if you wanted anything at all. Surprisingly, it always hits the mark.

Tried to write down “important” stuff about you once. Failed miserably. Decided to never do it again.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time when they confessed their love to him since Mello rewound this moment in his head like a hundred times. He remembers what color sky was and what song was playing on the background and those little details made this moment more beautiful than the masterpieces of the Louvre. Joy overwhelmed him and he couldn’t get this picture off his head for a few days too.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Not that paranoid protective and obviously doesn’t need to be protected However, he will be fluttered if person showed that they care. He will freak put if they don’t answer his calls or messages for hours and in the case of real danger he will take that gun and shoot someone as a warning.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He puts more effort in the beginning of relationship and its amount slowly declines with time. The closer he gets, the less he needs to try to cover up his sharp edges and imperfections or try to distract person with some kind of mask, mannerism, maneuver. Playing nice in early stages of dating gives him chance to throw the bait, to show he is able to be that datable material. A completely different question is whether a person wants to stay with him in spite of his inner demons.

Mello likes to surprise them with something special on anniversaries. Expect romantic late night motorcycle ride, car dates with take-out, and, of course, gifts. He likes to make/buy a presents person will like, something they wanted for a long time but couldn’t afford.

Acts extra-extra after anger tantrums. He knows he fucked up, okay, he just can’t control himself. Yes, it’s a lot easier to cover up consequences with huge bouquet and box of chocolates than to correct behavior learned over the years.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

If you ever had to deal with person stubborn as a donkey, you’ve seen demo-version of Mello’s behavior. Making compromises is not his strategy, so get ready for “this is the only right option”, “I said what I said”, “Yeah, go ahead, I’ll do it my way”. He immediately begins to sulk and spill his sassiness all over the place if things don’t go his way.

Doubtful impulsive decisions are most likely the cause of constant arguing and problem mentioned above. At first he does something (to say the least) stupid with impressive confidence. Then, after hours or days, his brains finally comes up with reasonable arguments but now it’s too late to back out.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It’s obvious Mello likes to take care of himself. His sense of style is indisputable, he sticks to it and never fails to embellish the picture with shiny jewelry or other accessories. There may be dirt on his leather boots and soot on fur hood but they only complete his conceived image.

Probably has one company from which he buys all the hair care products. Feeling of easy combing through smooth silky hair before bed is another of his a little happiness.

How does he have such perfect face despite eating chocolate everyday? Mello is fond of beauty creams, masks, serums, and he doesn’t allow a single pimple ruin his day. Also, he uses different healing creams to soften the scars.

He would love to mess around with loved one trying new beauty products. There’s nothing better than taking care of each other.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, yes, yes. It doesn’t matter why they are not in his life anymore, he feels devastated. All attempts to distract himself fail as he goes back to thinking about them every five-ten minutes, and not only thinking but overthinking. Sometimes his thoughts throw him back to the past, first meeting, first kiss, and it gnaws Mello even more.

If they left for some reason, he will try to get them back. A chance meeting in the evening is completely planned, he also rehearsed his lines in the head more than a thousand times just to stay calm and avoid going off on tangent.

If they died, he will attend their grave for a few months. It doesn’t help much. He becomes incredulous and gloomy, scaring everyone around with frequent mood swings and defiant behavior. I can see him growing more actively aggressive and acting like he doesn’t have anything to lose too.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Because of his chocolate addiction, Mello has to visit dentist’s office quite frequently. The problem is he hates dentists and everything about them. The sound of a dental drill makes his skin crawl.

Mello can pull off any style, rock any outfit. He can dress up in trash bag and be fabulous as always. You can splash that man with the dirtiest water and he will still shine bright like a diamond. Unholy beauty.

He was that kid that got the highest score on Facebook picky sheet. He hates broccoli, never eats mushrooms, avoids pickles. Name any controversial food – he doesn’t eat it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Mello can deal with pushy people but manipulators drive him nuts. As soon as he notice the smallest attempt to manipulate him, he will lash out. So you have to be the master manipulator to twist him around your finger or the batshit crazy person to pull an obvious manipulation on him.

Absence of communication. He won’t play mind games and try to guess your thoughts, so you better speak out your mind.

Oh, Mello doesn’t want a person who nods to everything he says. Sharing personal opinions plays a big role in relationships and he won’t agree to lose such way to connect.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Mello sticks to adequate sleeping schedule. His lifestyle forces him to break it from time to time but he quickly makes up for sleepless nights. He doesn’t even get moody or irritated. On the contrary, his reactions slow down, and the only thing he is interested in is comfortable bed.

Speaking of comfort, Mello likes to wrap himself in fluffy blankets. The more pillows there are around him, the better his mood will be in the morning.

Dark chocolate rich in magnesium can help you sleep better so Mello prefers switch from milk chocolate to dark in the evening. It is not uncommon to find a wrapper foil on the nightstand in his bedroom.

#death note #mello #mihael keehl #death note headcanon #death note imagines #mello headcanon #tosikowrites

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crimsonredemption · 5 years ago

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Can I have a Red Dead matchup? I’m a straight girl with long brown hair and brown eyes. I’m 5’5”-5’6.” My friends describe me as dramatic, funny, and kind, and I’m always willing to assist or talk with them if they need help. My favorite things to do are read, write, play video games, watch movies, and play with my pets. I want to write books in the future. The ideal way for me to start a relationship is to become friends, then have it slowly lead up to less platonic and more romantic feelings.

Hello, yes you sure can have one!

I ship you with Josiah Trelawny!

Josiah had left the camp for almost 6 months and when he returned he was pleasantly surprised to see a few new faces. He always made a grand entry one or the other way but when his eyes landed on you he knew instantly that he HAD to leave a good impression.

He doesn’t take things too far too quickly though, he’s a gentleman through and through! He’ll make polite conversation, ask you about that book you were reading earlier. If it’s something he knows, he’ll tell you his opinions and if he didn’t know it, he’ll listen to every word you have to say.

While he makes no secret of his feelings and his desire to get closer to you he would never overstep his boundaries. He keeps a polite distance and waits for you to come to him. Josiah is an experienced man, he knows how to enchant and woo a woman. But he’s not only interested in you because he finds you beautiful! Whenever you’re out of camp, he talks to the other members about you. Trying to get as much information as he can and what he hears warms his heart.

You are loved and admired by almost all the people there, not many had bad things to say about you. They mentioned how you are only of the most trustworthy persons around, never spilling any secrets. Tilly and Mary-Beth gush about your kindness, something that just seems to come naturally to you. Others tell Josiah how funny you are and how much you brighten everyone’s day just by telling a few jokes or funny stories.

While he appreciates all that they told him it wasn’t anything new.

He watches you around camp, sitting by yourself and writing in your notebook. You’re so focused on your task that you barely even register people coming up to you, but when they start talking to you, asking for a favor or for your help you will always get up in a heartbeat. Abandoning your writing in a second and with a smile on your lips.

His heart always skipped a beat when you smiled, it didn’t even have to be directed at him. Of course, he enjoyed it, even more, when the smile was gifted to him.

The two of you spend more and more time together, whenever he was at camp, your friendship growing deeper day by day. He sometimes left for a few days, sometimes even weeks but he always made sure to bring you something. Mostly books that he had read on the way and thought that you would enjoy as well. He leaves a commentary at the end of every book, sharing his thoughts on the topic and some sort of review. He always starts them with “My dearest friend Y/N,...”

Until one day when he was about to start writing his commentary, it hit him that you weren’t just friends anymore. He loved you. The notion surprised him even though he always knew that he was sweet on you, but he never dared thinking the emotion would evolve so drastically. He scratched through the words he wrote and corrected himself.

The next time he was in camp he searched for you to present his gifts and the book with the commentary turned love letter to you, but he couldn’t find you anywhere! After leaving the book and some flowers on your cot he made his way out of camp again. His heart was pounding as if he was a boy of 18 again, about to confess to a girl for the first time. Quite ridiculous!

That night he was invited to a theatre opening, which originally he planned on bringing you along. After about an hour of mingling and shallow conversation, he saw a familiar silhouette approaching him in the corner of his eyes. It was you, marching in his direction with a stern expression your face, followed by three servants calling out to her “Miss please, you don’t have an invitation” “I told you I’m here with Mr. Trelawny!” “MISS PLEASE”

The whole situation was hilarious to Josiah and he couldn’t help chuckling when you finally reached him. He could see why they wouldn’t believe you, you certainly didn’t look like you were about to attend a dinner party in your dirty working clothes.

“Well well well this little cowgirl here seems to be lost?” he said while taking your hand to place a kiss on the palm of it. Your face softened when you looked up at him. “Not at all. I’m exactly where I want to be” you whispered as you closed the distance between your bodies, kissing him in front of the eyes of all the guests.

“Oh my Y/N...We’re going to be the talk of the town I’m afraid”

“You know I like the drama, and don’t worry I brought a dress,” you said with a wink.

He watched as the servants led you away to change clothes as the words of the house owner reached his ears. “What a beauty Josiah, you are a lucky man.”

“Indeed”

#sorry this took forever!#rdr2 matchups #my work #josiah trelawny #red dead redemption 2 #match up

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sambart93 · 6 years ago

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Final 31 [2018 Edition] Day 17: New Journey to The West MC Ranking!

So I got completely obsessed with this TV the past 2 - 3 weeks and I’ve managed to watch all the seasons that are out so far completely! So now I think it’s time I give my MC rankings and what I think about everyone because why the fuck not (and I don’t think I planned enough things for the 31 days if I’m being honest, so making shit up as I go along xD). Here we go!

So over the past 6 seasons we started with 4 (Kang Ho Dong, Lee Soo-Geun, Eun Ji-Won and Lee Seung-Gi), then Seung-Gi got changed out (for Ahn Jae-Hyun) after one season (due to going into the Army), and then two newbies joined (Kyuhyun and Minho), then when Kyuhyun went to the army, someone else came in (P.O.). So technically we only have 6 active members right now, but they could easily get the whole cast back and be a group of 8 if they wanted once Kyuhyun finishes his service in May 2019. But anyway, onto the rankings but to be honest, I love (almost) all of them in this seriously! They’re all angels and funny and ridiculous!

8. Kang Ho Dong - I know I’m harsh on him. I know how beloved he is. I know he’s a great guy who helps motivate people, and he can be really hilarious and he says some great things sometimes but... he is just too loud for me. I got about 3 seasons into this when I realised ‘he talks way too much’ and he’s often yelling rather than speaking, and just personally, if I had to work with him on a tv show, I would completely lose it after spending like 3 days with him. I have sensitive hearing, even just watching him from my screen at home, I’m like ‘my poor ears! They bleed!’, because he’s just too loud. He’s more than a charming, great, kind guy but just the thought of being around him with that natural volume he has... I couldn’t do it. And he talks for such an unnecessarily long amount of time and he repeats himself a lot. Even the TV show got to a point where they show the sign saying ‘Ten Minutes Later’, and he still going on about something that could’ve easily been said in about 3 words or 2 sentences. Or people like Eun Ji Won on the show now state ‘Great! He’s gunna complain about this for the next 15 minutes now! Thanks!’ which shows that even his coworkers must get pissed off by it sometimes and the only way they can cope is by joking through it. I just also can’t deal with people who repeat themselves and their stories. I get the hype around him but he’s just too loud and speaks for longer than necessary.

7. Lee Seung-Gi - He was only on the show for one season (which was about 2 or 3 hours long or so) so I didn’t really get to know him. But he was fun, he was intelligent, he always helped the rest of the cast out when speaking Chinese or trying to figure things out. He seemed super nice, it’s a shame we only had him for a season and it’s a shame he hasn’t returned to the show yet. I’m super hoping that when Kyuhyun finishes his military service, they’re introduce both of them back in at the same time -- the shows cast has to stay on even numbers (for reasons) so I hope we have a double come back in the next season! I’d like to get to know him more.

6. P.O (from Block B) - He is also down here just because, like Seung-Gi, he’s only been in it for one season so far. But he’s very funny and unintentionally funny which is the best kind! Let me show you the ridiculousness of one of the challenges, and everyone (staff, cast and audience) just died laughing: here and here. I also love seeing his relationship and friendship with MinHo and how they support and disown each other at different points of the show. I hope he continues into the next season too!

5. MinHo (from Winner) - He was definitely the underdog in the beginning of the show, but very quickly through his stupidity and stupid ego, he got into some ridiculous and hilarious shenanigans. He is just a joy to watch! I love how much the older cast treat him like and son, and how much they look out for him in certain challenges. But I also love how he encourages the older ones to try something ‘hip’ or ‘young’ or something they don’t usually do. So getting them to listen and dance to his music, and letting them get comfortable. He always give encouragement to the other members in the challenges too. Also when he does a 160; the older cast think he’s up to no good but then ends up doing the most selfless thing instead and dumbfounding them every time is just... so precious and great to see! He is a complete sweetie and he’s so precious and so kind hearted.

4. Kyuhyun (from Super Junior) - I feel like he wasn’t in the show long enough before he had to leave. I enjoyed him so much! He was the soundtrack and movie wizard! But whenever they lost or he got something wrong the frustration he had and his forever ‘sad’ face was just hilarious! Also kudos to the production staff who played his song EVERYTIME he got or looked sad xD it was perfect! I really really love how quickly he and Jae-Hyun became friends too! Their quick, blossoming friendship (that still continues today) is just so pure and wonderful! I cannot wait for him to come back and join this group. I want to see where he goes with this crazy lot!

3. Lee Soo-Geun - We all know how I much I love this man (see here) and his witty banter and comedic timing does not stop just at Knowing Bros, he also uses it here and he’s so god damn funny! He has the right amount of balance between joking around, keeping people from being down, knowing when it’s serious and knowing when it’s not appropriate to crack a joke. He’s just such a well rounded guy and I enjoy seeing him so much on screen! I’ll probably try and hunt down the rest of his tv shows because I enjoy his personality and tv presence so much!

First and Second was so Hard to Choose!!!! But here we go...

2. Ahn Jae-Hyun - this man has stolen my heart. I think he’s just the sweetest, dearest person and he’s so intentionally and unintentionally the funniest person on this show! And he’s so good at stirring shit up! I love him! I love how he was introduced as ‘the actor’ who was very awkward and quiet with everyone, but within less than a season of the show, he showed us how nice and sweet he is, he showed us how bad at sport he is (which is hilarious) and even is he can’t do it, he’s going to bloody try and usually that leds to comedy GOLD from him! I also love how very quickly he proved how sly and manipulating he can be during the challenges which shocked everyone because they never expected him to do such things because he is just a genuinely nice guy. But very soon he got the tag line of ‘New Crazy’ and he earned it rightly! xD I can relate to him so much on many topics and some things that he says, does and feels, and some parts of his personality I can relate to, and then the other part of him is just so purely good that you can’t not fall for him or like him! He’s such a great guy that has this crazy side. It’s beautiful to witness! I hope he continues for a long time with this cast! Also, I know I already said but, his relationship with Kyuhyun is just so GOOD!

1. Eun Ji Won - While Jae-Hyun is the ‘New Crazy’, Ji-Won is the ‘Original/Old Crazy’ and he deserves that title so much. He is INSANE. He cracks me up so much! He does the craziest and funniest things! I also love how angry he can get over the smallest things and argues with cast or staff so well -- but his temper is very quick so he gets over it soon xD And his obsessive with video games and things like Lego just speak to my heart so much! Also can we talk about his fucking weird but fucking hilarious sleeping habits?! Every season they show him sleeping and it’s the funniest thing ever! I would literally watch an entire episode of just clips of him sleeping throughout the show because it’s FUNNY. He also has positives too such as supporting the younger cast, and being considerate to everyone too. He’s great and he’s quickly become a favourite person of mine. Also his natural eye bags are HILARIOUS and they also speak to me on a personal and spiritual level. My eye bags are pretty much as bad as his xD

Some extra funny clips from the show here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Seriously this show is amazing and everyone should watch it! All the cast are amazing and funny and stupid and witty and charismatic! Love this show so much and I deeply, deeply pray for a season 7!! Next year please!

#final 31 days of the year #final 31 days of the year 2018 edition #lee soogeun #kang hodong #eun jiwon #kyuhyun #ahn jae hyun #mino #P.O #lee seung gi #new journey to the west

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elfmeme · 7 years ago

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Khonjin House Starters

*WARNING: Some starters have sensitive topics

"I think it's time to order a pep-pep-pep-pep-PEPerroni pizza!"

"GODDAMMIT. Alright let's try this again."

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING, _, YOU HANGED UP ON ME!"

"I can't use my fucking dick anymore because of you."

"I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A PIZZA!"

"I want you dead, you little prick. DEAD. You hear me?!"

"Well, if I'm going I'm taking my spaghetti with me."

"It's in the coooontraaaaact~!"

"Well, it doesn't matter anyways because this questions a real butt breaker."

"I think I swallowed a bottle cap."

"I've never burned down a house before."

"AND YOU NEVER WILL!"

"God, don't these people know that I'm busy trying to look for crab crab?"

"You didn't tell me that the crab crab was a crab!"

"It's like the saying: Life's a beach, and I'm the dune who can't sand to watch our crustacean comrades go unprotected by the long beach island arm of the claw."

"Wait. I can smell it...Crab."

"I'm going to die."

"I'm going to need to examine that bag, if you don't mind."

"Well, just don't, uh, mind me while I TENDERIZE the BAG! A LITTLE BIT!"

"Uh, sir, it's not what it looks like. I just have a really loud butt."

"Well, I just dropped it so I don't have a product anymore."

"Well, uh, well don't just stand there, like are you gonna take it or not?"

"Wow. Well, now that you mention that, I totally want- SYKE! WHOOOO!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Do you want this?? It's my most prized posession."

"I don't know, I found this cat in the garbage."

"Well, I'll just get down to it."

"It's okay, you can come in."

"Didn't you hear what I fucking said?!"

"I got to save the spaghetti!"

"The time. It has finally come. God, have mercy on all of us."

"What the fuck is the matter with you??"

"Well, s/he doesn't have to know that."

"I don't wanna break his/her heart, they're a cool chick."

"But that's a different plate of cookies for a different glass of milk."

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT 9/11 IS? I WAS THERE!!! On those planes."

"CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE, SCUMHOLE!"

"WHOOOO are you?"

"WAIT! DON'T TELL ME!"

"heheh...what a dick.."

"WHAAAAAT is this?"

"Eh, it's just a little scooty."

"Its just a little scooty. Don't fuck with it!"

"Well, yeah, but, the thing about that is that I....Am going to touch it."

"Alright, I won't touch it on one condition: You have to answer me one question."

"I KNEW IT!"

"Ladies and gentlemen......FFFUCK!"

"You're not as big as you think, broseph."

"The only rock you're gonna feel is the pavement!"

"Who the FUCK is talking about a rock?! Are you insane?!"

"S/he couldn't cheat on a math test, let alone cheat on me."

"The only C I can explain are the C four explosives planted under the floorboards."

"This whole place is going to hell."

"You're right, because it's C. Four. And planted the bombs, as previously stated, the ones you are standing on, with your feet, where they are, right there."

"You'll kill us both!"

"Both?! Oh, god NO!"

"Oh great. Of course. Always leave it to _ to fuck something up."

"Get the fuck out, RIGHT NOW!"

"But unfortunately for _ s/he will never find the chiwowow."

"What you don't understand is that I'm gonna fucking stick you like the pig you are if you don't."

"Shut the hell up at forever'o clock."

"How about you get me a PSPiece of pizza or you can Nintendo sixty-forget about ever surviving!"

"Heheh! A whole pep-pepperoni pizza all to myself-"

"Confirmed!"

"Die in your wildest of dreams!"

"You are a fool to stand against me, you idiot!"

"Personally, I prefer your ass."

"And the winner's me."

"If it isn't __, my beeest friend!"

"That's a lot of people s/he's gotta fight."

"NO, S/HE'S A FRAUD! S/HE'S A FUCKING FRAUD! NO!"

"I am going to put a fucking bullet through my head."

"Listen, I got more degrees than a thermometer. You call me doc."

"Why are these names so goddamn long?!"

"I dunno, I've never been guilty before."

"I want every __ on my desk by the sixty-nineth hour, four-hundred-twenty days by now."

"Rob the place of every fuckboy."

"I want every desk on my desk."

"For the last fucking time, the rope isn't haunted!"

"Fuck it, just go!"

"It was across the street! Why do we need a map?!"

"What a wonderful day to be the king."

"I remember it like it was yesterday, it wasn't yesterday but that's how it felt."

"I DID IT!"

"I DIDN'T LIVE IN SACRAMENTO!"

"I'M NOT LOOKING FOR WOMAN! I'M LOOKING FOR PIZZA!"

"How about I give you a pair of scissors and cut out your favorite picture of _. And while you're at it, tape that picture to your face, so I can feel like I'm beating the shit out of him when I'm beating the shit out of you."

"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT!!"

"It's kind of mesmerizing, really."

"I despise every fiber of your being."

"I'm not involving myself with you. At all."

"It looks like a magic."

"I respect that. And by respect that I mean touch it."

"Have you guys seen my chia pet?"

"I feel like liquid."

"Do I look like someone who knows what the hell that is? Because I am, what was your question?"

"I wanna know how to get the hell out of here!"

"I will staple your face to a beehive."

"Ah, what a wonderful day to take a single step."

"The footage was doctored, you idiots!"

"You can't trust anyone, except for the one man I who can trust with my very life."

"Could you just let me speak for, like, one second?"

"Then what are you doing here, hotshot?"

"You ever heard about the joke with the kid who dissipated into the tides of time? Well, you never will."

"And I was an undercover cop the whole time, they were the criminal, I caught them....Which is what I would've said if I was a cop. I'm a murderer."

"Ah, what a wonderful day to not have Christmas money."

"Alright, I get it. I was looking to play cards but, uh, you can go fish."

"Wait a second, did you say cards as in, like..poker? As in, like, money?"

"But I ain't gonna play cards with some bitchy fishy who's trying to swim with the sharks. So how about you grab yourself a towel, and get out of the pool?"

"I'm gettin' my decks shuffled tonight, if you know what I'm saying!"

"Go back to the shallow end, __, this yaht doesn't have room for two. And I just sunked your career."

"Christmas ain't about making money! It's about making a shitton of money."

"Homie, are you trying to get a lambchop or a lamborghini? Come on, my boy, let's ride, let's talk the dirty."

"Don't. Trust. The streets."

"It was only a matter of time, probably for the rattle of a dime."

"But money was not gonna buy their way out of this situation station."

"'EY! Could you PLEASE SHUT UP?!"

"Crisis averted."

"Sometimes in order to find the spider, you have to walk right into their web. Their spiderweb."

"Basically, I have no idea how to solve the case."

"Early to pep, early to shoot the shit."

"Don't pretend you're not here, I know you're here!"

"So, how far away is Six Flags?"

"Oh..That's, strange? I could've sworn we were going to Six Flags, considering I'm already IN THE CAR. AND WE'RE GOING TO SIX FLAGS!"

"Alright we made it, now lets find our guy."

"If I were a target, where would I be?"

"You got it! Just, uh, give me a second here, I'll be right back."

"I'veeee got the net!"

"So you're telling me, that if I scream once, I'm dead?"

"Wow, that's a nice cigar, I didn't know you vape."

"Look at this buffet, how could you pass this up?"

"Oh, great, just clone them. Call off the whole fucking funeral, who cares?"

"Can you actually do that?"

"Some people want to make it their own way, but I like to make it the gay way."

"Okay! I get it! it sucks, whatever!"

"EXCUSE ME?! Do I owe you something?!"

"Look, I had a rough day. I'm not looking for trouble."

"Okay, __, I get it. Laugh it up, alright?!"

"I can't die now! Not before I've played Dweebus: the Video Game."

"Today, I've decided to stop wasting my time with habits that just are fucking dumb."

"Oh, dearest __, your voice is like a porcelain gulder against the tides of white noise."

"Would you not cleanse my ears with one bout of conversation?"

"It's so quiet."

"....S/He's gonna come in here any second now. And when s/he does, the loudest music you have ever heard in your life is gonna play."

"The sheer volume will destroy any speaker, any set of headphones will rupture and explode."

"And this horrible reality is approaching us, and I will be right here at ground zero."

"Could've been good if it were fire ants."

"Sorry to have wasted your time."

"I want to kill you on the principle of that stupid-ass question alone."

"I don't even know who you are!"

"You said you weren't him! I thought I recognized you!"

"Give me one good reason not to."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but there's an irony to be appreciated here."

"I know it'll be lost on you, but would you believe that you're not the only illusion that wants me dead?"

"You wanted him dead since the beginning."

"Kinda sleepy."

"And I'm kinda pissed. Probably don't have to tell you why either."

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"I'm just gonna lie down here, I'm comfortable."

"You know what, you've had a hard day. You take a nap, and recharged, and all that."

"Wake up, you dumbass!"

"I was having this dream about this girl with really big thighs."

"In other words, a nightmare."

"What? Do you not find big thighs attractive?"

"Well, I guess everyone has their own personal opin- YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT!"

"What a wonderful day to experience an unabashedly horrfying piece of ribbon."

"It's a bow that makes bows, we could sell them for four dollars apiece! Cold hard cash, or credit."

"I'm gonna take a bunch of tampons and SHOVE THEM UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!"

"Don't worry, I can fix this. Which is what I would've said if I knew how."

"Nah, I don't remember that at all."

"I know what I want, and I know what I deserve."

"Good, I'm glad you know. But I don't."

"That sounds like a load of shit, I don't believe you."

"My greatest wish is for you to be castrated by a scorpion."

"You take five steps near this thing I'll do a tap-dance on your ribcage!"

"And I'm running out of patience."

"Yes I know, you're a special snowflake, come on we're running out of time!"

"It seems like you thought I was asking for second opinion."

"I would rather die at the hands of a frisbee than chase whatever crazy taxi it is you want me to go get."

"In fact, I'm calling your bluff, asshole!"

"Kill me with that frisbee. Do it."

"Could we really just do that?"

"Has technology really come this far?"

"I wanted to be a surprise."

"Sooo, what do you like best about me?"

"You're not ruining the surprise for me."

"Surpriiiiiiiiiise~."

"We're gonna fucking kill ourselves, go to heaven, and steal Jesus' shoes."

"You should not have done this."

"Well I did, so it looks like you'll just have to kill me."

"The power that was once upon you, is no longer yours."

"This existence doesn't need you anymore."

"People will DIE! Just because you lost someone doesn't mean everybody has to!"

"You think I'm playing you? How do you think you got here."

"GET THIS SHIT OFF ME!"

"And, as it turns out, uhh, limited time was actually unlimited time, and so it's gonna be there forever."

"I got a signed poster of Flute from Spy Kids, I know you wanna see this!"

"Yawn, YAWWWN!"

"I've heard mention of _ and obviously I'm here for this reason."

"Not to belabor the point, but this has never worked."

"Is this the fake gamer girl equivalent to _, you fuckin’ snob?"

"I've learned all the racial slurs in existence, and I will recite them now."

"Uh, did you try shooting it?"

"WOAH, HEY NOW, flag on the plane! You can't just say that!"

"This is literally the worst possible time to be doing any of this."

"Wow, by some miracle of probability, your complete and utterly hairbrained scheme managed to garner one modicum of success and with this juncture I could not possibly see how this could go wrong."

"You thought you've got me, but jokes on you I have narcolepsy."

"Ah, well, alright. I don't really understand the implications of that but much better than the proposed outcome."

"If there's anything I've learned, it's that if it abides by the laws of physics, it simply cannot exist in this twisted, fucked up world."

"So, uh, yeah, I'm going to go home and asphyxiate on every stray cat I see on the way there."

"I don’t feel bad, I've just had enough, man. I have needs for pizza."

#long post #rp starters #khonjin house #ask meme #inbox meme #inbox starters

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exquisitley-obsessed · 7 years ago

Text

The Three Women Of Durin - Stream Talks (20)

MASTERLIST FOR THS STORY

(not my gif)

They spent their second night at Beorn’s house, planning to leave in two days for Mirkwood, that would give them time to plan and prepare for everything which followed.

The girls woke the following morn and spent most of it sparring with their partners before they finished and chose to cool off near the stream which Rosie and Frankie had found the previous day.

“Kili is going fucking James Bond on my ass,” Frankie huffed as she joined Cece and Rosie chucking her bow on the grass next to her.

“But you like it don’t you,” Cece smirked with a wink.

“Oh, trust me honey, out of the three of us I am not the one who’s getting on a first name basis with a dwarf prince, if you know what I mean,” Frankie smirked at her friend, stretching out like a cat on the warm grass. Cece snapped her head to Rosie thinking that’s who Frankie was talking about.

“Don't look at me!” Rosie cried as she slapped Cece lightly up the head, Cece sported a confused expression.

“Well then who…?” Cece trailed off before glancing at the looks her two friends were sending her. “Me? What have I done?” Cece cried, defending herself, the others simply smirked.

“Nothing…” Frankie trailed of smirking,” Cuddles.” Rosie snorted with glee when she heard this.

“What?” Cece asked, desperate for answers.

“Nothing! Snuggles,” Rosie added, grinning.

“WHAT!” Cece suddenly cried standing up and turning to her friends who simply laughed at her frustration.

“Come here dearest friend,” Frankie smirked as she pulled out her phone to show her a photo. Cece leaned down and squinted her eyes coming face to face with what looked like a pile of clothes lying on a dark floor.

“What am I supposed to be looking at?” Cece questioned, trying to pick out some features.

“Anything, or anyone, look familiar to you?” Rosie smiled smugly. Cece leaned in more until her nose was inches away from the screen.

“Is…Is that me?” She asked seeing a familiar spout of blonde hair.

“Why yes Cece, yes it is,” Frankie drawled out. “And…” She trailed off. Cece looked back into the photo looking for something else but now all she could see was blonde hair and clothes…wait.

“FILI!” Cece cried, gleefully getting the answer, then realization dawned on her. “OH MY GOD!” She cried her two best friends erupting into laughter whilst she stood staring at the photo shocked. “When was this?” Cece asked taking the phone out of Cece’s hands and sitting down next to her so-called friends, her eyes never leaving the photo.

“Last night,” Frankie wiggled her eyebrows.

“It’s adorable,” Rosie added giving Cece a confident smile.

“No,” Cece simply responded with, the laughter soon died from the girls.

“No?” Rosie questioned, confused.

“No. This can’t…” Cece trailed off, stricken.

“Why? Do you not like him?” Frankie asked her friend.

“It’s not that,” Cece sighed.

“Then what is it?” Frankie pushed further.

“You and I both know how this story ends,” Cece suddenly snapped.

“That doesn’t matter,” Rosie said, a serious manner taking over her.

“Why? That’s what’s supposed to happen, do you really think we can stop death?” Cece asked incredulously.

“I think we can damn well try,” Frankie said confidently.

“I will not allow this,” Cece continued.

“Why? Because something bad might happen? Are you scared that one of you may get hurt? Well, you’re already dead sweetie,” Rosie reasoned.

“Don’t say that,”

“Why not? Because it’s true...because we’re never going to go home, because we’re never going to have that life again. This what we have now, this is our world,” Frankie exclaimed.

“And the world is our oyster,” Rosie added.

“You shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love Cece, love is the best thing, and if you have a chance at it, then why the hell not,” Frankie reassured her friend. They were quiet for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

“Fili is the heir of Durin,” Cece suddenly spoke up.

“I mean…to be honest that’s even more of a reason to go for it,” Rosie smiled.

“Nothing has...happened,” Cece reasoned, wincing.

“Then make it,” Frankie smiled warmly. Cece smiled for the first time and lightly shook her head before looking back down at the phone, she stayed like that for a while, simply staring at the photo, then she frowned.

“Hey, Frankie,” she said.

“What?” Frankie asked raising an eyebrow from where she was trying to nap on the soft grass.

“Why is your phone still on 97%?” She asked. And no wonder. Frankie and Rosie had used their phones nonstop, playing music and games, taking photos and videos. To be honest their phones should have died weeks ago.

“No way…” Frankie trailed off, snatching the phone out of Cece’s hands.

“Wait, I’ll get mine,” Rosie said, jumping up and heading indoors to retrieve her phone. Rosie came back and showed her already on phone to her friends. “Look, 100%, it hasn’t even gone down one,” Rosie declared.

“Why aren’t our phone batteries going down?” The girls thought for a moment each trying to come up with an answer or even a theory as to why then Cece turned to Frankie.

“Your hair hasn’t grown,” Cece gasped pointing at Frankie’s hair, her eyes wide. See the thing about Frankie’s hair is that it grows awfully quickly, and to keep it the length that Frankie likes it you have to get it cut every few months, well it had been a few months since they came here, and Frankie’s hair hadn’t grown an inch.

“I still have my paper cut,” Rosie said looking down at her fourth finger on her right hand where (in their old world) she had cut it on a study book.

“It’s like we’ve been preserved in time…” Cece pondered and the girls spoke no more words, haunted by what they had just discovered.

It was the evening of that day, the girls had kept to themselves again, talking about Thranduil and what was best to do but that only lasted for an hour. Cece had made her way back to the stream, finding the gush of water soothing to her throbbing head. She sighed happily as a warm breeze blew her hair out of her face, content.

“Hello,” She heard a voice from behind her, she snapped open her eyes and saw Fili’s figure emerge from the darkness and sit next to her.

“Hi,” She smiled back, the image of the two curled together popping up in her mind as she tried very hard to push it back down.

“We haven’t seen much of you today and were wondering if you were okay?” Fili questioned as he half twisted his body to face her, Cece pulled her lips upwards and tried her best to fake smile. She wasn’t sure Fili believed her but he must have understood that she didn’t want to be questioned about it. They sat in silence for a while, neither of them finding the right thing to say.

“Tell me about your world,” Fili suddenly popped up, “I mean if that’s okay of course,” He spurted, realizing how it could be a touchy subject, Cece found this adorably cute.

“It’s fine,” She smiled warmly, a true smile, “But I already told you most of I think,” She trailed off.

“No, tell me about your life,” He said again, his eyes alive with interest, Cece paused for a moment and felt herself smile again. It was a small thing he asked of Cece, but it seemed to be a warm blanket on her heart.

“Well I just finished school and I was looking to go to a good university, I was actually wanting to go over to the UK and try and get into one of the main schools there,” Cece said before realizing Fili probably didn’t know what that meant, “I’m from America so…you know what? One day I’m going to draw you a map of our world and this will probably make a lot more sense,” She smiled.

“I was still living with my parents and I had a younger sister, she’s called Juliet and she’s 13. I wanted to become a teacher, I wanted to teach people…anything, really. English, maths, science, history, the list goes on...I wanted that so badly, that’s all I wanted since I can remember, and now that opportunity is just gone? I mean, I probably shouldn’t be that sad about it, but it’s just…I had it all planned out, you know? Everything. And now…”

“And now you’ve been thrown into a completely new world,” Fili finished off.

“Exactly,” Cece apologetically smiled, Fili was quiet for a while.

“Want to know something?” He said at last.

“Yes please,” Cece turned fully to him, interested in what he would say.

“My whole life, I’ve been told I was going to be king. Nothing else. I grew up with my mother telling me how proud I was going to make my family and with people who I didn’t even know, come up to me on the street and wish me good luck with my future endeavours. That's been my whole life. When I was young, and I mean young…I wanted to be everything but a king, a blacksmith, a warrior, even a shoemaker, but a king? Never even crossed my mind.

“And soon Kili came along, I stopped dreaming of what I wanted to be when I was older and started to be a big brother right then. Kili was and is my baby brother and if anything were to happen to him I burn the four corners of this map. Because his death would not only destroy me, it would destroy my mother, and you must understand that strong willed she may be, the man who she loved with all her heart…my father, died long ago... and she hasn't been the same since.

“Being king has just simply been something I’ve grown up with, like being a teacher with you. Except, you chose your future, you dreamed it, I was given it whether I like it or not…”

“And do you? Like it?” Cece asked after a moment.

“It would be an honour to be king of Durin’s folk. But you can’t help but wonder, what if this blood didn’t run through my veins?” Fili said as he appeared lost in his own thoughts. Cece was touched by his words and felt honoured herself that Fili had chosen to open up to her on this very personal matter.

“You would still be the strong hearted dwarf you are today,” Cece said warmly, smiling at Fili who returned a smile.

“I’m not just heir to the throne. I’m an older brother, a son, a nephew. And blood is thicker than water,” Fili smiled again. Cece looked at Fili, really looked at him. And no longer saw the dwarf prince who was used in the movies for his death, no longer saw the less important of the two, no longer saw the heir to the throne or even the older brother of Kili.

No, she saw a someone who had just opened up to a girl he had met merely months ago, a girl who was not born or bred on these lands but was thrown here in the middle of a mess and yet was still standing strong. She saw someone who was ready, so ready, to make his family and his people proud, but also a man who feared that he would not be worthy enough for he wanted to be the best king they could ever have. Someone who was kind to her from the start, who protected her not because she was a girl, but because she was his friend, his fighting partner, his student and his teacher. Someone who last night had wrapped their arms around her and held her close.

And something in her heart sparked into life.

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imaginebeatles · 7 years ago

Text

Poetry Nights | Chapter 4: In which Paul is not on a date

Pairing: John/Paul

Rating: PG-13

Set in: Modern AU

Summary: 21-year-old Paul McCartney, who has recovered from a breakdown due to stress and his mother’s unexpected death, has recently moved to London where he now rents a cheap flat with his friend George. Having needed to give up his medicine studies, he has decided to start over and go to art college instead where he meets the rude and troublesome John Lennon, a young poet, who, much to Paul’s dismay, also happens to be his neighbour.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles and this is fictional. I do not make money off this.

Author’s note: Yeah, extremely long chapter! Enjoy ;) Also, the song Paul and John listen to in the park is Dearest by Buddy Holly, in case you were curious.

For the following week, Paul made sure to stay away from John as much as possible. He constantly kept an eye out for him, not wanting to run into him in the hallways on his way to class or in more public spaces such as the university cafeteria or the library, even though he doubted he’d be running into him there a second time. John didn’t seem like the type who would willingly spend his time there, unless he had an ulterior motive.

Even when leaving his flat, he made sure to check first to see if John wasn’t in the hallway before stepping outside, and when he got back, he’d glance around the corner as he walked up the stairs before heading to his flat. George, having caught him doing this twice, thought he was being ridiculous, but Paul didn’t care. He’d rather flunk one of his courses if that meant he would never run into John ever again after what had happened, and would gladly go through the rest of his life without ever seeing him again, no matter what it took.

So what if George thought he was acting silly? He hadn’t been the one who had drunkenly kissed the most handsome man he had seen in years before throwing up on him twice and needing to be carried home by him because he had passed out. Not to mention that John had most likely been the one who had stripped him of his clothes before laying him down on the bed and pulling the covers up over him. The thought alone was enough to make him want to go back in time and stop himself from ever going to that damn poetry evening.

Besides, it wasn’t like his strategy wasn’t working. There had been a few times when he had caught glimpses of the other man, either walking down the street or after a lecture in the hallway with a group of friends, and every time he had managed to avoid him. Once he had even forgotten to look before leaving his flat, and Paul could still vividly remember the moment and the fear he had felt when he had thought John had seen him.

He had been about to take out the trash - it being his turn this week - and, having been too deep in thought about Dot to realise what he had been doing, had opened the front door without looking first like he normally did. Taking a single step outside, he had caught sight of John from the corner of his eye, standing by his door and talking to a friend who Paul didn’t recognise. Paul had nearly dropped the trash at the sight of him.

He had been as handsome as Paul had remembered him, if not more. He had once again been bare-footed, and had worn a simple pair of tight-fitting blue jeans that made his thighs look great and a slightly wrinkled white shirt. His thick-rimmed glasses had been on his nose again as well, and his hair had looked ruffled and unkempt as if he had just stumbled out of bed despite it being 2.30 in the afternoon, which Paul thought was just unfair.

As soon as he had regained control over his body - having momentarily lost it as he had stared at the other man - Paul had swiftly slipped back inside and thrown the door shut again with the softest thud possible, before he had slid down unto the floor, hoping John hadn’t spotted him. His heart had been thumping in his chest and for a moment he had been certain John had seen or at least heard him and was going to knock on his door at any moment. But nothing happened.

He had sat there, on the floor, back resting against the door, bag of garbage between his spread legs, for about fifteen minutes before he had dared to have another quick glance outside. Taking a deep breath, he had put the garbage bag aside and crawled onto his hands and knees to have a sneaky look outside, pulling the door open just enough for him to look around the corner. To his luck, John hadn’t been there this time and Paul had slacked a sigh of relief as he had scrambled up and hurried past his flat and down the stairs, cursing himself for being so stupid, as well as forcing the sight of John out of his mind. He shouldn’t be thinking about him like that. He had a girlfriend. Not to mention that John was a smug bastard, and he wasn’t going to waste his time on those again. It didn’t matter how handsome he was, or how soft his lips had been, or how witty he was, or how caring and sweet when he had looked after him, or that he listened to Elvis, or wore horrendous and suggestive shirts that Paul was still thinking about- it didn’t bloody matter!

“Of course it bloody matters! You can’t shut up about him!” Jane cried, and Paul let out an exasperated groan as his head came down on the table with a painful thud. Jane smirked and took a sip from her bottle of water as she reached over to give him a couple of encouraging pats on the shoulder. They were in the library again, and had managed to procure themselves a study room to work in, seeing as they were going to be here for a while - George and Ringo were having another video game tournament as a rematch for the last one and Paul did not want to be there while that was going on, fearing he might witness a murder if he was. The privacy of the room allowed them to speak at a normal volume, and although Paul had been glad he had been able to talk about this with someone other than George, he now kinda wished he hadn’t said anything.

“Paulie… is that what you were doing when we came in? You were checking to see if he was around somewhere? Because Christ, Paul, you really are hopeless,” Jane said, and although her voice sounded emphatic, there was an amused glint in her eyes that gave her away. Paul shot her a look.

“I’m not hopeless, it’s called taking precautions,” he said matter-of-factly, but the grin on his friend’s face didn’t go away.

“Why? Because you may not be able to control yourself around him if you see him? Afraid you might kiss him again if he looks at you a certain way? Granted the guy is good-looking, but I had thought your taste in men would be slightly more refined.” Paul rolled his eyes in response and cursed himself for ever having brought the subject up. He should have known better than to share these thing with Jane; she was far too concerned with his love-life.

“I do not have a crush on John and my self-control is as impeccable as always, thank you, Jane. I just don’t want to deal with the embarrassment again. Throwing up on handsome guys wasn’t really part of the plan when I decided to come to London to study art history, you know. Handsome guys in general weren’t part of the plan. And they still aren’t.”

“Paul, dear… You kissed him. You kissed him. Which, combined with the fact that we are still talking about him a week after, makes it safe to say you do have a crush on him, don’t you think?”

“Oh, piss off…” Paul shot back and pouted down at his library book at his failure to come up with a better retort. “How do you know John anyway? He doesn’t seem like the type you’d usually hang out with.”

“Yeah, because we don’t. But Astrid and I are on the swim team together, which means Stuart is at the pool a lot during practise to support his girlfriend, which in turn means John is there because he gets bored and needs Stuart to entertain him.”

“And you don’t like him because…?”

Jane raised an eyebrow at his question and scoffed. “You’ve met him, haven’t you?”

“I meant why specifically,” Paul clarified with a smirk, glad to have moved the focus away from himself and to Jane, who took another sip of water before she started to explain.

“He was a prick to me the first time we met, as he is to everybody,” she said, shrugging. “He asked me how girls masturbated and then went on to make up some inappropriate poem about me being a beautiful water nymph who lures guys in and murders them.”

“You’ve got to admit that sounds pretty badass. And at least he said you were beautiful,” Paul said, chuckling, but Jane shook her head in return.

“Not if you heard what kind of language he used. It was humiliating, Paul. Not to mention he went on to suggest I was a lesbian too, and he gave some very colourful descriptions about that. At least Stuart thought it was funny.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think you’d make a great man-murdering, lesbian water nymph,” Paul said with a wink and Jane laughed as she took another sip of water.

“Maybe I already am one,” she said mysteriously, “that’s why I have my water bottle with me. Need to stay hydrated while I’m on land.”

“I hope not. Because if you were, you’d be doing a piss-poor job at killing men, seeing I’m still very much alive and it’s been weeks since you met me.”

“Don’t worry, dear, I wouldn’t kill you. You’re part of my great plan. Every lesbian water nymph needs her hot bisexual male eye-candy besides her to assist her.”

“That’s all I am then, eh?” Paul said with a dramatic sigh, pressing the back of his left hand to his forehead as he pretended to swoon, “Nothing more than a fine piece of ass to be gawked at. Barely more than pretty face. A sexually-ambiguous sex object.”

“As if you’d mind.”

“I can’t say, can I? My body is all that matters now! When you’re hot, no one cares about what comes out of your mouth anymore. It’s a curse! All they care about is what goes into it,” Paul said and winked at Jane, who recoiled in disgust. Nonetheless she was laughing, and for a moment Paul had completely forgotten about John. That is, until Jane had caught her breath again and turned to him with an even wider smirk.

“I’m not sure John would mind either, you know,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes, but Paul waved away her remark.

“There is nothing going on between me and John and there never will be. Besides, I doubt he’s still into me after what happened, which I guess is the only good thing to come out of this.”

“Did you tell Dot what happened?”

Paul shook his head.

“No… And I wasn’t really planning on it either,” he said truthfully. “There’s not even much to say, is there? It was just a stupid drunken mistake. It didn’t mean anything. Telling her will only unnecessarily hurt her.”

“Paul, you did kiss another person…”

“So?”

“So, you ought to tell her!” Jane’s voice was forceful, as if she could not believe what Paul was saying. “It doesn’t matter if it didn’t mean anything or not! She will appreciate your honesty. Besides, you’ve been dating for over three years! You’re in a serious, long-term relationship, Paul. You can’t just keep these things from her. Not anymore.”

Paul was quiet for a while, letting her words sink in. He knew Dot wasn’t going to react positively if he were to tell her about what happened between him and John, and she had every right to. And if she wasn’t, then she would at the very least feel betrayed. They had been dating for over three years! And if that didn’t count for anything, the occurrences of the last two years certainly did. Things like kissing men while high or drunk just wasn’t supposed to happen anymore, especially seeing as Paul had known John had had an interest in him. He had broken her trust, intoxicated or not. But if he told her, he would hurt her, and she didn’t deserve that.

“What if she finds out from someone else, eh? You’ve already told me and George, and if George knows, then you can bet Ringo and Pattie know as well.”

“George swore on his Bob Dylan records he wouldn’t tell anyone. You know how much that man worships Dylan! He isn’t going to let me get anywhere near his records.”

“Yeah, but for George, Ringo doesn’t count. And he and Pattie are dating now, so he will have told her too, especially since she was there the night it happened and Dot kept interrupting them with her phone calls to ask about you. She would want to know what was going on and I’m certain George wouldn’t think twice about telling her. Not to mention that there is one other person who knows about what has happened between you and John, and who will definitely be talking about it with other people.”

Paul glanced up at her questioningly and waited for her to continue, having not a clue who else he could have told, which drew an annoyed groan from Jane.

“I’m talking about John, Paul! You can bet all of his friends have heard the story at least twice now! What if somehow Dot hears it from one of his friends, or friends of his friends? You know John’s from Liverpool too, right? Dot will be pissed if she hears about it from anyone but you.”

“Wait… John’s from Liverpool?”

“Paul!”

“Okay! Fine... I’ll call her this evening,” Paul said, holding up his hands in defeat before he reached for his phone and typed out a quick message to Dot, making sure to hit “send” before showing it to Jane. She smiled and nodded as her eyes skimmed the text, which essentially asked Dot if she had the evening off so they could talk and that he missed her. Already Paul felt he had made a mistake, but he knew Jane was right. He couldn’t risk it.

“Thanks, Paul,” she said, and he nodded in response, his throat too tight to talk at the prospect of actually having to speak to Dot. At least he had a little while to prepare, though he couldn’t help but hope she had something planned this evening and wouldn’t be able to make it.

Without another word, he went back to work, taking notes as he did his reading for later that week, while occasionally sharing a few words with Jane about unimportant things, as she revised the notes she had taken that day. At least one positive thing about getting kicked out of your own flat - albeit willingly - was the amount of work he could get done for university, being stuck in the library for a large part of his day. In the end it saved him a lot of time.

Or at least… it would have done if he had been able to keep his mind focused.

Instead, he found himself thinking about John again, although he blamed Jane for it this time, seeing as she had been the one to bring up John was from Liverpool as well. Had they ever met before? Or even just seen each other? Had they gone to the same school? John was older than him, so it could be a possibility… Maybe they had sat on the bus together once, neither of them knowing one day one of them would get sick all over the other and would need to be carried home. His life was a mess.

Once their allotted time for the study room was over, Paul and Jane began to gather their stuff and Paul decided he would skim the library a while longer for a particular book he needed for his upcoming essay, seeing as he doubted George and Ringo would have finished their gaming tournament yet, it being barely four o’clock. Jane, however, had other plans for the day, so they walked back downstairs together, talking to each other in hushed whispers as not to be of any nuisance. They had only just reached the second floor and turned a corner when they suddenly heard a familiar voice calling out for them, far louder than either of them were comfortable with in a library.

“Would you look who it is! Our very own good little student Paul, back here again!” the voice called and Paul tensed up as he swiftly looked around himself, judging whether he could still make a run for it for not. The stairs weren’t that far away - seeing as they had just come from there - and with all the running he had been doing in the mornings, he could easily make it, assuming John was as lazy and hateful of any kind of exercise as Paul had him pinned for. Jane, however, had a strong hold on his arm, keeping him from going anywhere and urging him to turn around. “And Miss Asher… it’s always a pleasure to see you again as well.”

Turning around, Paul swallowed thickly as his eyes landed on John, feeling how his chest tightened under the other man’s gaze as he looked him up and down, taking in every part of him. When John’s eyes landed on Jane’s hand which was still holding his arm, he quickly tugged himself free. He didn’t miss the way the corners of John’s mouth twitched at the sight.

“Is it not curious I only ever see you in the library? I’d almost begin to think you lived here,” the older man said, and although Paul now knew there was no cruel intent in his words, he still felt his cheeks heat up.

“Well, some of us need to study. And besides, you know where I live.” He said that last quietly, almost shyly, and mentally kicked himself for letting John get to him so easily. After all, they had had fun last week before he had started to feel sick. He had been able to keep up with him. He could do so again.

“Aye, that I do,” John replied with a wink and moved a little closer to them, taking a step into Paul’s personal space, eyes twinkling as Paul refused to step away. “What are you studying for then, eh?”

“Just working on an essay for art history.”

“Boring,” John replied with a smirk, and Paul rolled his eyes at him. He felt the urge to take a step back, but doing so would feel like John had the upper hand on him, which wasn’t the case, so he remained where he was, unmoving. At least he was half an inch taller than John, which he felt counted for something.

“Actually,” he said, eyes looking directly into John’s, “I find it rather interesting, so I’d better get back to work. Jane has other plans as well, so...”

“Oh well, in that case I won’t keep you, Jane,” John said, shooting Jane a sideways glance which couldn’t be mistaken as meaning anything other than “leave” - although a ruder variant would be more apt - before he turned his focus back onto Paul. Jane was more than happy to comply to that order, clearly uncomfortable baring witness to whatever it was that was going on. Paul hardly knew himself, so he couldn’t blame her. Still, he hated her for what she did next.

“Yeah… see you around, guys. I’ll er… I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Paul,” she said and before Paul could protest, she had turned on her heels and walked off with quick, long steps. Paul cursed her in his head for leaving him like that, before turning back to John, who, as he now saw, had stepped even closer to him, but had also pulled a very familiar-looking leather-bound notebook from his bag.

“As for you, doctor McCartney…” he said, his voice low and sultry, clearly trying to make Paul feel uncomfortable, “I just wanted to hand this back to you. You must’ve been missing it.” Paul stared at the notebook as he held out it out for him, and recognised it easily as his own. He had been searching for it, thinking he had misplaced it, but now he saw it in John's hand, he felt stupid for not having suspected him sooner. He tried grabbing it, but John was swift to pull it out of his reach, causing Paul to stumble forward slightly as he lost his balance, bringing the two men even closer, so that they were barely a two feet apart and Paul could feel John’s breath on his face.

“Ah-ah! Not so quick, darling,” John said, smirking as Paul made another unsuccessful reach for it.

“Don’t call me ‘darling’. And how did you get my notebook, anyway?”

“I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you’re implying. You just left it at the cafe last week. Thought it’d be proper of me to hand it back to you is all.”

“Good. You can give it back now then,” Paul said, making another grab at the notebook, but John swiftly moved it behind his back and out of Paul’s reach.

“Patience, doll eyes,” he playfully scolded and Paul huffed in annoyance but kept silent, knowing John would just continue being a pain if he didn’t do what he said. Still, that didn’t stop him from hissing “asshole” under his breath, which, judging by the smirk on John’s lips, the other man had heard. Good, Paul thought.

“You know, there is no reason to be embarrassed. People do all sorts stupid things when they’re high and drunk. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

“For some reason I’m not surprised…” Paul muttered in reply, causing John to let out a little laugh. “And I’m not embarrassed. I just want my notebook back and get back to work.”

“Are you free now?” John asked, and Paul stared at him wide eyed.

“I-I just… I just told you-” Paul stammered but John easily silenced him.

“Look here, gorgeous,” he said, cocking his head at him in a manner Paul knew to be seductive, as he raised his free hand to motion him to be quiet, “I know there’s no way that essay is due any time soon, and truthfully I’m rather hungry and in a dire need for a good cup of coffee, so all I’m asking is whether you want to come with me or not.”

“Why would you possibly think I’d say ‘yes’? I don’t even like you!”

“Last time you told me that you ended up kissing me, so I’m taking my chances here. What do you say?” Paul felt his cheeks heat up again as the memory of John’s lips pressing against his own filled his mind, and by the way John was grinning at him, he assumed his blushing was very apparent. Still, Paul pulled himself together and narrowed his eyes at the other man as he folded his arms before his chest.

“I’m guessing you’re not going to give me my notebook back unless I say yes, are you?” he said. Much to his genuine surprise, however, John merely laughed and offered him his notebook back right away.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not going to blackmail you into having coffee with me. I just knew if I had given you this right away, you’d have ran away before I had the chance to ask.”

“I- I wouldn’t have ran away…” Paul said, flustered as he took his notebook from the other man and slipped it into his bag, pretending not to see the knowing look John gave him in response.

“So… what to do you say?” the man asked again and Paul looked him up and down for a moment, before he gave in with a sigh.

“Fine… but only because I could really go for some coffee right now. And this not a date, if that’s what you’re thinking!”

“Whatever you say, darling,” John said, and with that, he took Paul by his arm and started dragging him with him towards the exit.

The cafe John took him to was remarkably nice. Paul had suspected they would go somewhere simple, like a Costa or a Caffè Nero or even the university cafe, and had raised an eyebrow in surprise as they passed a number of them on their way. Instead, they had walked for about ten minutes before John had finally directed him into a small, but cosy cafe, to which Paul had been once before a few years ago. He had been visiting London for a holiday with his father and brother, and they had stumbled upon it by accident. Paul was more than happy to find himself back here again.

He welcomed the smell of freshly ground coffee as John opened the door for him and let him in first. Adele’s Crazy For You was playing, and like the time before, it was quiet, there being only a few people of around, most likely other students, sitting at small round wooden tables with their laptops or phones, either alone or with another person with whom they would occasionally converse. The place was bright, with large windows at the front, white tiled walls, and light wooden flooring with geometric patterned rugs for a more cosy atmosphere. The bar was large and square and took a prominent spot in the room, but if anything it made it more personal. He and John took a seat at a table by the window and they offered each other a small smile as they sat opposite each other. Paul took off his coat and hung it over the back of his chair, while John simply put his with his bag on the floor between the window and table.

“Any idea what you’d like, yet?” John asked as he had a quick glance over the menu that was placed on every table, twirling it around a few times in his hands, before handing it to Paul. It was obvious he already knew what it said, and Paul wondered if he came here often.

“Hmm… I might just get a simple black coffee. Although… if I remember well they have the best chocolate cake here. But I probably shouldn’t,” Paul said, frowning, as he took the menu from John and had a quick look at it his well, his eyes lingering on the cakes and pies section.

“What do you mean, you probably shouldn’t?” John asked, pulling the menu down so he could look Paul in the eye.

“Well,” Paul said, nervously shrugging his shoulders, “it’s not exactly good for you, is it?”

“So? It’s just one slice. You’re skinny enough, if that’s what you’re worried about,” John said, his tone firmer than what might have been expected in a situation like this. “And even if you weren’t, fuck the others, right?”

Paul smiled at the flattering words, but remained unsure, remembering how hard it had been to lose weight when he had been younger. He hadn’t liked the nicknames people had used for him, calling him chubby or baby or fatty, be it in jest or with the actual intention to hurt. He hadn’t liked the teasing, or the general unhappiness he had felt about his body, making him oddly aware of it all the time - he hadn’t liked any of it, and when he had decided to lose weight, he had struggled with it for a long time. It hadn’t been easy, and when his mum died… Well, it hadn’t helped.

The last thing he wanted was to return to that, to be fat again. But unfortunately he had always had a sweet tooth, and once he started eating, it was difficult for him to stop. It was easier to just never indulge himself. He allowed himself one bar of chocolate a week, which he mostly had on the weekends, because he simply could not survive without it, and Jane already got him plenty of cookies when they would meet up after class, and if it hadn’t been for his strict running schedule he would never have allowed for any of that. If he started having cake now with John as well… He wouldn’t stop at simply having that single slice of chocolate cake. He would be coming back again, telling himself it would be fine, and then it’d get worse and worse until he’d sit by George’s cupboard full of sweets and treats and other good stuff in the middle of the night, stuffing himself in secrecy.

He knew it probably wasn’t healthy to be this concerned with his eating habits, especially since one slice of chocolate cake wasn’t going to ruin his life, and he knew that, but Paul really wanted to stay in the shape he was in. It wasn’t that he wanted to lose weight or anything, or that he thought he was fat now - in fact he had never felt better about himself in that regard - but… he didn’t want to hear people call him “fatty” again, or look into the mirror and call himself that.

He shook his head.

“No, I shouldn’t… I’ll just have a cup of coffee and that’s it,” he said, but John wouldn’t have any of it and promptly took the menu away from him.

“Don’t be silly! You want chocolate cake, you’ll get that chocolate cake!” he said, looking at the menu himself to make sure the chocolate cake was still on there, and grabbed his wallet from his bag. Before Paul could object, he had got up and had hurried to the bar to order, not giving him a chance.

“John! No, I don’t-” Paul tried, but it was in vain. John had already gone. Groaning, he let his head fall onto the table, regretting his decision to accept the other man’s offer for coffee, knowing he should have expected things to not go according to plan when he was with him. Things never seemed to when John was around. What had gotten into him, saying yes?

He opened one of his eyes to glance at the counter to see John talking to a young female barista and watched in horror as the girl got him a slice of that deliciously sinful chocolate cake, home-made from organic and fair-trade ingredients, which made it only better in Paul’s opinion. His mouth watered at the mere sight of it, memories of the taste coming back to him, the way the chocolate had melted on his tongue and the taste had lingered in his mouth for hours after. Shaking his head in a poor attempt to rid himself of these thoughts, he hurriedly looked away and got out his phone, hoping it would take his mind of that chocolate cake, or rather that it would somehow magically disappear.

Unlocking his phone, he noticed Dot had send him a message back, telling him she was going out with a couple of friends that evening but could talk beforehand that if that was okay. Paul, knowing he did not have a good excuse to back out now, texted her back, saying it was fine before asking her what time would suit her best. Within ten seconds he got a reply back suggesting seven o’clock, to which Paul half-heartedly agreed, his heart thumping in his throat. As he looked back up and out of the window, silently freaking out about his coming talk with his girlfriend, he noticed the music had changed to Sam Cooke’s Bring It On Home To Me - the music the coffee shop played was even better than how Paul remembered it being, and he softly hummed along, feeling how the music calmed him, if only a little.

“Here you go, Princess,” Paul suddenly heard John say, and he turned his head to see John put down a large plate of chocolate cake in front of him along with both their coffees. He frowned when he saw John was holding two forks, but had no other piece of cake or pie or any other food with him. “I thought,” the man continued as he took his seat again, noticing Paul’s look of confusion, “we could share it, instead. That way you can feel a little better about not upholding your usual diet.”

Paul smiled at that, and chuckled as he gave in, just the sight of it and John’s strange way of compromising rendering him unable to refuse. It did look delicious, and when John smiled in that charming way of his as he handed Paul one of the forks, he knew he was going to regret it. His self-control only went so far.

“Fine,” he said, “but this isn’t a date thing.”

John grinned at him and rolled his eyes as Paul dug in and took his first bite of the chocolate cake, which just seemed to melt on his tongue. He didn’t even need to close his mouth and he moaned in pleasure as the bitter, yet sweet taste of chocolate invaded all corners of his mouth and began to drizzle down his throat - it really was the best cake he had ever had in his life. Opening his eyes - he hadn’t realised he had closed them - he saw John watching him, a smile on his lips that could not be interpreted as anything other than love-sick, and Paul smiled apologetically at him as he looked away, embarrassed. He frowned as his gaze landed on John’s drink.

“Huh,” he said, gesturing at it, “I didn’t pin you for a latte kind of guy.”

“There are multiple layers to all of us, Paul. Besides I like the little art they do with the milk,” John explained as he turned his cup around so Paul could see the little cat face the barista had managed to create, and for a moment Paul was taken aback by his answer, which was so unlike the rest of his rough exterior. It was really… kind of cute? He was only taken away from his thoughts as he phone began to buzz again.

“That your girlfriend?” John asked, and Paul nodded as he checked it swiftly.

“Something like that,” he said and texted Dot back with a kissing emoji, before turning it over so it was lying face-down on the table, hoping it wouldn’t disturb them again for at least a little while.

“Something like that?” John asked with a curious chuckle.

“It’s not important,” Paul said, sighing, and picked up his cup of coffee to take a careful sip, blowing into it first to cool it a little, not wanting to burn his tongue. John, however only sat up in interest at those words and leant forward on his elbows, as if afraid he were to miss anything if he didn’t.

“You sure? Come on, Paulie. Satisfy a guy’s burning curiosity,” he said with a wink, and Paul glanced at him doubtfully, but gave in anyway and put his (still too hot) coffee back down. He stared into it as he answered, preferring not to look at the other man.

“She erm… We were engaged, actually. Or for a while we were, anyway. But then… well, we had our issues and now we are here and I’m not sure either of us knows where that ‘here’ is right now. ‘Girlfriend’ just seems the most fitting label right now, though I don’t know what Dot calls me, her fiance or boyfriend. We never really talked about it.”

“Wow, engaged, eh?” John said and whistled lowly, “what did you do, Paul? You didn’t knock her up, did you? You know they have invented stuff for that now, right?” Paul started at that, but didn’t say anything and merely had another bite of his chocolate cake, preferring that to talking about him and Dot. Especially with John. While they were sitting in a cafe. He knew John didn’t mean bad, but it was exhausting thinking about her, about what had happened, to both of them at that. Thankfully, John didn’t press it and followed Paul’s example as he too took a bite out of the chocolate cake.

“So,” he continued after a moment of silence, catching Paul’s eyes again, “you studied medicine. What was that like?”

Hell, was the first word that came to mind, but he swallowed it down in favour of a shrug.

“As if you really care,” he said, taking a sip from his coffee, which was now finally the right temperature. He hummed contently as the warm liquid rushed from his mouth to his throat to his stomach, mixing with the chocolate and warming him throughout from the inside out. God, he had needed that.

John was looking at him again, enjoying the noises he was making, but unlike last time, Paul didn’t look away from him as their eyes met and bit his tongue to tell himself to not be this loud, which appeared harder than one might expect. John licked some cake crumbles from his lips before he spoke.

“Contrary to what some might think,” he said, smiling, “I like learning more about the people I kiss, and even if I didn’t, I still enjoy hearing them talk. You especially.” John shot him a flirtatious wink, and Paul lightly choked on his coffee at his forwardness, making him almost feel betrayed by one of the few good things he had in his life as it burned in his throat. He suppressed the tug at his lips at John’s remark and looked down at his mug as he placed in the saucer in front of him, wiping his mouth.

“Is that because you just like my voice or because you think I’m actually saying something interesting?” he asked and John smirked at him.

“Both,” he said without so much as a thought, and Paul chuckled despite himself, his chest feeling strange at John’s words, strange in a way he knew he shouldn’t feel, but he allowed himself to be indulged for a moment and enjoyed the flattery.

“In case you had forgotten, this is not a date, so you can stop flirting with me. It’s not gonna get you anywhere this time. And… well, there’s not much to say. It had good and bad moments. And if I had liked it, I wouldn’t be here right now, so… Make your own deductions,” he said, swallowing thickly and felt relieved when John didn’t go into it.

“Oh, but I think you rather like my flirting, even if you won’t admit it,” he said instead, and when Paul didn’t respond, he added, “you studied in Liverpool, you said?”

Paul nodded. “I’ve lived there all my life, and once I finished secondary school, it just made sense for me to stay, though I got me a student flat to live in. Jane told me you’re from there as well.”

“You two been talking about me?” John asked, smug grin on his lips, and Paul rolled his eyes at that. Putting on a thick scouse accent that would have been more fitting in the 60s than now, John said, “I’m a Liverpudlian through and through, darling. Think you can handle a tough old scouser like me?”

“I think I’ll do fine, thanks, John,” Paul replied in similar fashion, though his accent wasn’t as over-done, sounding instead more modern and genuine as opposed to John’s dramatic take on it.

“You don’t sound that scouse normally,” John remarked, and Paul laughed as he shrugged.

“Mum taught us to speak proper, you know. She hoped it would open up more chances for me and Mike. She always got upset about me g’s and would go on about me vowels being lazy. Dad never really cared, though. How ‘bout you?” Paul asked, keeping his pronunciation scouse, which seemed to amuse John.

“Learned it from the sailors down the docks. I grew up with me aunt, in the proper middle class way, so I would use it to piss her off when I was angry. I can do it pretty well, but it’s not natural like yours, I guess.” Paul nodded at that, wondering why John had grown up with his aunt, rather than his parents, but he didn’t dare ask, knowing how annoying it could be when you constantly needed to explain why your mother wasn’t at your first solo performance in the church choir, or why she wasn’t there for your graduation or why you were sad and depressed on mother’s day and didn’t stress about getting your mother a present like all the other kids. It was horrible to constantly be reminded of it, to constantly have to explain and to have to deal with the condolences and words and looks of pity afterwards. Paul was certain it hadn’t helped with his mental health to have to deal with that constantly all the time, and although he knew Dr Collins said it wasn’t good for him to keep those things hidden and to bottle all that pain up, he mostly found himself jumping around the subject, preferring not to talk about it, and he didn’t doubt John felt the same way. That is, assuming he had gone through something similar, which of course didn’t need to be the case, but just to be certain, he didn’t ask about it.

“I think you can do the accent better than I can,” he said instead.

“Well, yeah, but I’m not proper scouse now, am I? Not like you lot.”

“Think you can handle a tough old scouser like me, then, eh?” Paul repeated, joking, and he knew he had made a mistake when John’s eyes glazed over dark and the corners of his mouth curled up into a smirk.

“If you’re offering,” he said, and Paul casually flipped him the finger as he drank from his coffee again, though he could not deny the strange churn in his stomach.

They spoke for a while, their conversation getting easier and easier, and it was almost as if their minds had synced up by the end of it. They barely even finished their sentences anymore and would often come up with the same joke, which they would tell at the same time, after which they giggled into their cups like school boys talking about naughty stuff they had seen on the internet or on those magazines you could buy at gas stations. The atmosphere was relaxed and although John remained overtly flirtatious, it wasn’t anything Paul couldn’t handle, and by the end he had even grown to like it, that is, as long as John knew this wasn’t a date, of which Paul reminded him plenty.

The chocolate cake was easily shared between them, and when Paul had finished his coffee, John readily got him another one, for which Paul was grateful. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, talking about Liverpool, university, friends, family, poetry and music, but the more Paul spoke with John the more likeable he became.

John, Paul learned, had gone to art school right next to where Paul had attended grammar school, and had lived only a short walk away from him, meaning they would have needed to take the same bus for the last leg of the way and that they had possibly seen each other before but just never got to meet. It was strange they would meet here now, so far away from Liverpool where they had lived their lives so near to each other.

“Do you think you’ve seen me before?” Paul asked, unsure which answer he would prefer, and John thought for a while before shaking his head.

“I would have remembered you, I think. You’re far too pretty to forget about,” he said and Paul slapped him on the arm in response as he told him off. John, however, reacted fast as caught Paul’s hand in his own for a brief moment, causing Paul to freeze as he stared at him, his fingers trembling where they touched John’s skin, which was surprisingly soft except for the callouses on his fingertips. When John pulled his hand away again, he sighed, though not necessarily from relief.

“Sorry,” John said, his voice soft and Paul blinked up at him in surprise, not having expected those words to drop from the man’s lips. Before he could say something in return, however, a bell sounded behind Paul, signalling the arrival of another customer, and immediately John pulled even further away from him. He called out to the man and Paul realised he could hear sound again that wasn’t John’s nasal yet attractive voice. It all came back to him suddenly and all at once: the music - it had changed to You’ve Really Got a Hold On Me by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles - the chatter of other people, and the sound of the coffee machine as more coffee beans were ground.

“Stu! What are you doing here, mate?” John called out as he looked up at the newly arrived customer. Turning his head, Paul saw the familiar small-bodied man standing by the door, sunglasses on his nose and a smile on his face as he looked from John to Paul and back again.

“Just grabbing a cup of coffee before heading out to my last lecture. How about you? On a date, I see?” he asked, smirking, and Paul flushed red.

“We are not on a date.”

“Right…”

“We’re not!”

“Which is why you are having coffee with the guy you made out with a week ago,” Stuart said with a grin and Paul groaned, resting his head in his hand as he suddenly remembered exactly why this had been a bad idea in the first place. Of course, John had told his friends all about it too. He hated it when Jane was right.

“Come on, Stu. Let the poor boy be,” John said, giggling and Paul mouthed a thank you back at him, causing John to smile at him warmly, as he reached out and gently touched Paul’s hand with his fingertips in a soothing manner, and Paul actually felt himself relax.

“Yeah… You two are totally on a date,” Stuart remarked at that and before either of the two men could object, he said, “Anyway, I shouldn’t stick around. Mr Cornell will have my head if I am late. God knows why. It’s not like he says anything interesting during his lectures.”

“It’s not on a date!” Paul muttered again, but now both men ignored him.

“Shit, Stu… You may want to hurry up then. It’s already past 5.30 and Mr Cornell is the absolute worst. I do not envy you at all. I don’t know what possessed you to take that course.”

“Tell me about it,” Stuart said and shot one more glance at Paul, who had shrunken into his chair like a little ball of embarrassment, silently hoping the other man would leave soon. “Anyway, enjoy the rest of your date. I have to go. John, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah! See ya tomorrow, Stu,” John said and Paul muttered a soft, grumbling goodbye himself as Stuart began to make his way to the counter to get his coffee. Once he was out of earshot, John turned back to Paul, who was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, pouting, and John chuckled at the sight of him. .

“We are not dating!” he hissed and John rolled his eyes.

“You know he is just teasing you, right?”

“I know…”

John studied him for a moment before he picked up Paul’s coffee cup to see he hadn’t finished it yet, and handed it to him as he told him to finish it.

“Let’s go for a walk together. I can bring you home.”

“If you want me gone, you can just say so. You don’t have to chaperone me. I’ll be fine this time, seeing as I neither drank nor smoked any pot,” Paul said as he did what John had asked and took a sip from his coffee. John smiled at his joke, but shook his head nonetheless.

“Don’t be silly. It’s a nice day out. And besides, I need to get home too. Now finish that coffee.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m working on it,” Paul said, laughing and hastily complied, swallowing the rest down in one go as he reached into his bag for his wallet.

“How much do I owe you?” he asked once he had finished his coffee and put his cup back down. John, however, refused to let him pay. “You know, you don’t have to keep paying for me all the time. I can pay for myself no problem.”

“I know. See it as a gentlemanly gesture. Besides, I forced you to share that chocolate cake with me. It would be unfair to have you pay for it. And you can also see it as my way of making it up to you for that,” John said and Paul could not help but feel flattered, so he accepted.

“Fine, but I pay next time,” he said, causing John to grin at him.

“So, there’s going to be a next time?” he asked, as smug as ever, and Paul shot him another stern look as he got up and pulled on his coat again, not saying another word about it.

Back at home, the gaming tournament appeared to be over and the living room was in surprisingly good condition. A handwritten note lay on the coffee table, scribbled in the same style as the one he had found on his bedroom door a week ago, explaining that George and Ringo had gone out to get some fish and chips for dinner to celebrate George’s victory (which probably meant Ringo had won) and that they’d be at the usual place in their usual spot if he may wish to join them, which was a mere five minutes away. Paul, however, was glad to have the flat to himself for once. It was already a quarter past six, which meant he was going to have to call Dot soon, something which he really was not looking forward to. He hoped George and Ringo would be out till then at least, preferring not to have anyone around to hear the inevitable fight.

The walk back home with John had been quiet, neither of them having spoken much as John had urged them to take a small detour so they could walk quietly through the park where Paul would run every morning. It had been quiet there as well, and they had spoken in hushed voices about their favourite artists and songs as they walked, finding they had a very similar taste in music, while they took in the chilly autumn air as they still enjoyed the warmth the sun provided. Once they had gotten home, Paul had mumbled a quick goodbye and had thanked John once more for the coffee and his notebook before he had hurried into the flat.

It hadn’t been anything special, but still Paul found himself smiling as he remembered the way John had offered him his earphones to let him listen to a song he had recently discovered and was crazy about. Paul couldn’t remember the song now, though he knew he had liked it. He guessed it had been a Buddy Holly song, but he couldn’t be sure. Still, it had been nice to be able to talk to someone who had the same taste in music as him.

Throwing his things into his bedroom, Paul headed to the kitchen to heat up some canned soup for dinner and make some toast as he poured himself a large glass of water, feeling thirsty after all that coffee, and drank it all in one go while he waited for the soup to warm up. Once it was ready, he poured it into a bowl and got himself another glass of water, before he carried everything with him into his bedroom, sitting down at his desk by his laptop to eat. He put on a record - Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys, his favourite - and softly starting singing along to the music as he ate his dinner and checked his university email, scrolled through Instagram for a bit and checked his favourite twitter profiles. There didn’t seem to be much going on today that interested Paul, so, out of sheer boredom, he decided to google John instead for no reason at all.

He found his Facebook account immediately, but it was mostly empty, the last thing that had been posted being birthday greetings from… almost a year ago! October 9th. Glancing at the Elvis Presley wall calendar that hung on the wall above his desk, Paul noticed it was only two weeks away. John’s profile picture was nice though. It looked like it was an old one, perhaps taken about a year ago, maybe longer, and it was John, dressed up in 50s rocker style clothes, sunglasses on his nose, his hair slick and styled into a quiff, as he stood leaning against an old vintage car. He looked good and Paul felt to urge to press like, but decided not to, thinking that would be weird.

There was however a post a little further down of John’s telling people to check out his twitter, so that was what Paul did next, hoping to find more there. His jaw dropped and his spoon nearly fell from his fingers onto the floor as he saw the incredible amount of tweets on John’s twitter account, and to his horror saw a mention of himself a few tweets down where John warned people about kissing guys who had just thrown up on you, ‘cause they tasted disgusting, no matter how sweet they looked. Thankfully, he hadn’t mentioned any names, and Paul felt relieved, if not slightly surprised, not having thought John would care about that. The man however, appeared less and less horrible with every new thing he learned about him.

The rest of his twitter account was filled with rants about various topics, such as politics, social issues, news articles, celebrity gossip, books, music, television series and movies, most of which were long and at least eight tweets long - making Paul doubt just how much John meant the tweet about tweets were meant to be short for a reason and how annoying it was when people would use multiple to express one idea and write an entire essay, though he supposed it could have been meant ironically too. There were also tweets about more mundane things about his daily life, such as losing your keys, or people taking too long to make a choice when ordering food, or about the intense irritation of dropping your guitar pick between the strings and having it fall into your guitar, about which John had managed to rant for 28 tweets… At least it explained the callouses he had felt on John’s finger tips.

There were also a few pictures posted, some of which linked to what John claimed to be an horrendously inactive Instagram account, and Paul smiled as he saw a picture of a gorgeous, expensive Rickenbacker guitar with the caption “my true love” under it, remembering his own similar tweets.

He looked through John’s twitter for a while, reading various rants of his and being surprised at how well-thought out some of them were, whereas others seemed to have been typed drunk. Or high. Considering what Paul knew of the other man, he figured they probably were.

As the number of his digital clock came closer to 19.00, however, he found it becoming harder and harder to focus on the man’s tweets, and when it was four minutes to seven, he decided to just go for it and get it over with. It was best to keep it short, anyway, seeing as Jane would probably be waiting by the phone to hear about how it went.

Taking a deep breath, he dialled his girlfriend’s number and sat fumbling with the hem of his shirt as he waited for the tender sound of her voice. He only needed to wait a few seconds before someone answered, but instead of the sweet voice he was used to hearing, he was met with huffing and puffing and light curses as Paul could hear what sounded like stumbling and various things clattering onto the floor on the other end of the line.

“Dot?” he asked, and for a second all he got was a huff in return, after which more stumbling followed and finally she let out a curse loud enough for him to hear properly.

“Shit, sorry… Ow! Yeah… yeah, I’m here.”

“What is going on there?” Paul asked, laughing, and Dot huffed again, before she finally sat down on what was presumably her bed with a sigh and the noises stopped.

“Just… just getting dressed. I er… I tripped over the leg of my tights. I’m a little late, so it’s a bit chaotic here right now.”

“You want me to call back later? Cause that wouldn’t be an issue-”

“No! No, that’s fine. I still got plenty of time. The girls won’t get here for another forty minutes or so. It’s just… a mess, basically,” Dot said, chuckling and she led out a sigh as Paul heard her fall back on her bed. He pulled his legs up and hugged them close to his chest, picturing what she would look like now and smiling at the pretty sight she would make, a lock of short blond hair falling before her eyes like it always used to do, and which Paul always used to push away and behind her ear.

“What are you doing then? This evening?” he asked, reaching down between his legs to play with his toes.

“Oh, it’s Sandra’s birthday today, so we all decided to have a girl’s night out to celebrate. We’re going out for drinks first and then we’re going dancing. No boys allowed.”

“Can’t say I’m not relieved to hear that. Anything special you’re going to wear?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Dot remarked with a giggle and Paul smiled.

“You know I like my girl to look pretty,” he said and Dot hummed.

“Any special requests? I was planning on just wearing an army green skirt with an off the shoulder top… perhaps with that special set of underwear you gave me. If you’d like.”

Paul swallowed thickly as he remembered that particular present and could only hum in response as a tiny smirk pulled at his lips. She had looked wonderful in that, and the first time he had seen her in it, he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her for the entirety of the evening and long into the night. They had only fallen asleep from exhaustion at about four in the morning and hadn’t left the bed until late afternoon. Paul missed those days and for the first time in a while he wished she was here with him, or he was over there, back in Liverpool, and that they could have nights like that again. More guilt for his actions of the previous week gnawed at him, and he felt his throat dry out as he remembered why he had called her in the first place.

“You know how much I would like that,” he said, trying his best to sound casual. “I wish I could see you in it.”

For a moment it remained quiet on the other end of the line, and for a second Paul thought he had said something wrong or that she had noticed something was off, but then his phone began to buzz and he groaned as he realised what she had done.

“Don’t look at it now,” Dot said, a giggle in her voice, and Paul swallowed thickly, wishing she hadn’t done that, knowing how upset she was going to be when he would tell her he had kissed another guy, especially after having foolishly accused her of having done the same thing the next day. God, he was a crap boyfriend. Fiance. Whatever.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Dot asked and Paul shrugged as he began to spin circles in his chair.

“Just wanted to hear your voice again,” he lied, though he figured it was alright, seeing as there was some aspect of truth in there. “You’re not still mad at me for last week, are you?” Paul bit his lip and crossed his fingers as he hoped for the best, and sighed in relief as Dot chuckled.

“Don’t be silly. I was just worried. Is that why you called? You were afraid I despise you now?” she asked and Paul ran a hand through his hair as he gathered up courage, figuring he might as well do it now. When he tried to speak, however, the words got lost halfway, and in the end it was Dot who spoke again, asking him about university and George and his life in general, and Paul answered accordingly, occasionally trying to guide the conversation to John, but found it hard to say anything about him.

In the end, they just spoke for a while, and Paul made sure to ask about her as well, but with every good thing she told him about what was going on in her life, the more difficult it became for Paul to tell her the truth. It had been a while since he had last heard Dot this happy and carefree, and he didn’t want to ruin that with his stupid mistake, seeing it had already been his fault she hadn’t felt that way for so long in the first place. His kiss with John hadn’t meant anything, and Dot deserved the happiness she felt right now, seeing how hard the last two years had been on them. But at the same time, he knew Jane was right. He needed to tell her. She had to know… even if it would hurt her.

All too soon, though, Paul could hear the sound of a doorbell ringing on the other end of the line, signalling Dot’s friends had arrived and Paul groaned, knowing that if he was going to tell Dot today, he was going to do it now, possibly with them around. But he really didn’t want to hurt her. Not now… She was about to go out after all, he couldn’t just ruin her entire evening with his own stupid mistake, could he?

“Oh sorry, love. The girls are here. I have to go,” Dot said, and her voice turned suddenly serious and full of concern. “You are alright, right?”

Paul smiled weakly at that, wishing she wouldn’t ask, wishing they could just pretend the last two years hadn’t happened, but he knew she had every reason to. Dr Collins had told her to do so in the first place, and she had been doing it dutifully for months now. He hadn’t deserved Dot, and he still didn’t deserve her. She shouldn’t have to deal with this. With him. With his stupid issues.

“Dot,” he said and he knew he ought to say it now. Dot, I kissed someone. I am sorry. I was drunk and it was a mistake. He could say it now and have it over with, but the concern in Dot’s voice made it impossible to do so. She deserved to have fun this evening, to not have to worry, to not have to fight with him again, to not have him ruin her night for once, like he had done countless of times before. He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty about that, that it wasn’t his fault, but he could not agree to that. So he didn’t and forced himself to smile. “Have fun, yeah? Don’t worry about me. I’m more than alright.”

“Is George there if you need someone?”

“Yeah… Yeah, he is.”

“Okay good. Cause if you’re not, if you need to talk, and George isn’t there, you can always call me, okay? No matter what,” Dot said and Paul could hear her walk from room the room, doors shutting behind her, and he sighed.

“I know. But I’m fine. No need to worry. Just have fun and… I’ll talk to you again later, yeah?” he asked and he could hear Dot smile as she agreed.

“Yeah. Talk to you later, Paul! And don’t forget the picture I sent you. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it,” she said and with that they quickly said goodbye before she hung up on him, making Paul feel suddenly incredibly alone.

He simply sat there for a while, chin resting on his knees as he stared at his Elvis calendar, wondering if he had done the right thing. His phone went off twice, and both times Paul declined it as he saw it was Jane, probably wondering how the talk had gone. A talk they hadn’t had, even though Paul knew they should’ve. He just felt so guilty… not necessarily about what had happened with John, but about everything having to do with Dot. She didn’t deserve him. She deserved more, she deserved to be happy and to be with a guy she wouldn’t constantly have to worry about, and who was still eager to talk to her every day and missed her and wanted to see her. Not someone who kissed other guys and was afraid of even just calling her.

He glanced at the picture Dot had sent him, and it was exactly what he had expected and he felt a tingle in his crotch at the sight. Yet, he deleted it. It didn’t feel right, seeing her like that while she remained unaware of what he had done.

Sighing, he put his phone aside and got up from his desk to collapse on the bed instead, feeling emotionally and physically drained. He landed half on top of his school bag and kicked it aside to make room for himself. It fell off his bed with a loud thud and glancing down at it, he noticed a couple of books, a pen, and his notebook had fallen out. Sitting up, he picked up the latter and opened it on a random page and began to leaf through it as he picked up said pen with his toes, thinking that maybe writing something would help him. Dr Collins had always encouraged him to write whenever he was feeling down or simply strange, and Paul had to admit it worked. As he skimmed through it, however, he saw some scribbles here and there in another person’s hand. At first he barely noticed them, but then his eye caught one of them. It was a little note, written next to one of his better songs with a tiny arrow pointing towards it. The handwriting, messy but small, was unfamiliar to Paul, but as he read what it said, there was no doubt in his mind who had written in it.

“Not Bad, Mr Melody Man…”, the text read and Paul stared at it in disbelief, before he silently grumbled John’s name to himself. That fucker, he thought and with that he slammed his notebook shut and shot up from his bed, energy levels suddenly restored. Without so much as a thought, he stormed out of their flat and knocked onto John’s door, ready to confront him. John, however, didn’t answer, not even when Paul shouted at him to come out, and eventually he had to admit to himself that John simply wasn’t home.

Grumbling some more curses, he tore a piece of paper from his notebook and hastily wrote John a warning note, telling him to never read or write in his journal ever again as he called him a twat and couple more inventive insults, before he folded it up and shoved it under his door for him to find.

“Asshole,” he muttered, and kicked the offensive door in revenge before returning to his own flat, throwing the door shut behind him in frustration. He was going to get him back for this. Somehow. He threw himself onto his bed and cried until he heard George and Ringo come home.

Previous Chapter

#fanfiction #beatles fanfiction #beatles slash #The Beatles #McLennon #mclennon fanfiction #johnxpaul #john #paul #au #pg-13 #mclennon big bang #mclnbb #Poetry Nights

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bertann · 8 years ago

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The Mother Dearest Theory

I almost named this theory “Return of the Mother of all Theories” but I thought “The Mother Dearest Theory” would probably be more fitting considering what this is going to be about. If you haven't caught on by now with the name, let me fill you in… This theory is going to outline why I think Mary Drake is possibly the new A.D.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW “But Rachel, what about Melissa/Twin/Any other possible character?” Simply because… There are too many things that point to Mary that I just can't ignore anymore, and in true PLL fashion there is possibly Hitchcock involved. From the very beginning when Mary was introduced, she rubbed me the wrong way, something about the way she talks and carries herself screams psychopath to me (and trust me… I've spent most of my life researching them.) What she says doesn't necessarily coincide with what she does, and things have been gradually building up to the point I can't ignore the signs anymore.

So, let's start at the beginning so to speak… I’m going to talk about the twins from the Halloween story. We all know how it goes, one twin gets jealous of what the other twin had and then one twin stabs the other. Mary stabbed Jessica, Mary went to Radley, Mary met Pastor Ted and had Charlotte, Mary pretended to be Jessica, Mary got pregnant with Spencer by pretending to be Jessica with Peter (which is the huge secret Jessica and Peter had that they had a deal with), and Mary is batshit fucking crazy.

Also let me ask this question, did we all just up and fucking forget this happened?

How the hell did we forget that Mary dressed up as her dead sister to scare Alison (AND PUT HER IN THE HOSPITAL) and for that matter… How in the bloody hell did Mary know what Jessica was buried in if she wasn't there burying herself. And for that matter, it would mean she ways the one who not only buried her- but she was there when Alison was buried as well. If you remember in season 5 when Alison came back to rosewood and Jessica’s body was found, Alison got a video of her mother being buried with a text attached saying “I buried her the same way I watched her bury you.”

To be fairly truthful whether Mary stabbed Jessica doesn't matter, the facts are that Mary spent a lot of time in Radley where (like I've outlined multiple times in other theories and it actually comes into play later…) Mary assumes Jessica’s identity which confirms not only that she was the mother Bethany was talking about and the “is it like mother like daughter?” Was referring to Mary and Charlotte and not Jessica and Alison, which is confirmed by the flashback of Jessica screaming at Alison that Cece was at Radley calling herself Alison.

Now to my favorite part… The Hitchcock aspect. Does everyone remember that scene where Hanna was being tortured in the barn and she hallucinates that's Spencer is there stroking her hair and singing a song? (The same song and scene that they recreated with Mary and Spencer in the 7x10)

Yeah that's not a coincidence, look at Mary’s history… She assumes Jessica’s identity, she assumes Charlottes identity as A.D., she’s now assuming Spencer’s identity. Yes, my friends… PLL is pulling a reverse Psycho where Mother assumes the role of Norman instead of the other way around. Think about it, what’s the FIRST thing she does? Buy the lost woods, just as Norman Bates did with his mother and the bates motel. And just as Norman Bates assumed the identity of his mother, Mary seems to take the personality of her daughters on- becoming A.D. As Charlotte was A, and now becoming more caring, calm, and subdued like Spencer… Also people have been passing around this photo:

I’d like you to notice something, look at the make-up and body language of both the scene where Spencer’s with Hanna and this scene compared to Mary’s tea cup scene… That ISN’T Spencer in there… That’s Mary. Confirmed by the fact Andrea was wearing the EXACT dress she was wearing.

Also, since we know for sure Mary and Archer we're working together (and that she was helping torture Alison) guess who the only other person was who knew about the barn? Yep. Mary. And what just happened last episode? Hanna getting locked in like she was back in the barn, considering Archer is dead… There's really only one other person who knew. Mary.

Mary seems to have a pattern of assuming the identities of people she’s close with, so naturally that next step would be Spencer. Mary showed up before Charlotte died and A.D. Was introduced just as Charlotte appeared once Mona lost the game as A after season 2.

Mary bought the Lost Woods where Hanna was kidnapped and tortured. And for that very matter how in the living fresh hell did she get that money in the first place? Mary was known to be working with Archer and we know for a fact whoever A.D. Is not only worked with Archer but knows the girls killed him.

We know for a fact that Mary was involved with everything because she LITERALLY SAYS TORTURING ALISON IS WHAT CHARLOTTE WOULD HAVE WANTED. Just like some antagonist I know of who seems to be targeting the girls because they think they had something to do with Charlotte’s death.

We also know Jessica had some sore of heart condition and trouble getting to sleep (as per her prescriptions) that I don't know… Would probably coincide with a devastating childhood trauma involving her twin sister? Which would only make Mary hate Jessica even MORE causing her to assume Jessica’s identity. “But she was in Radley!” Doesn't it seem odd to anyone how the twin story was put in chronological order to where oddly a Radley sanitarium car shows up at the house the exact DAY the twin story is told?

This would also mean Charlotte, Mary, and Bethany were all in Radley at the same time and if that doesn't scream trouble incoming I don't know what does. This also brings me to the obvious blatant lie that Mary and Charlotte didn't know each other. She literally called herself Cece Drake. The same last name. And Mary says with quite confidence “You’re the only man my daughter truly ever loved”

Side-note, whoever is revealed as Jessica’s killer could've possibly made the mistake of thinking they were killing Mary instead of Jessica, in which case you’d think it would throw the theory off course- but it actually doesn't. It could've been Charlotte and she lied about it, it could've been someone who thought Jessica was Mary by mistake, it could've been Mary herself. But the signs point to Mary as being her killer, or at least being there as Jessica was being buried per her clothes a la zombie Jessica in 6x20.

Now as per why… Simple answer, Mary wants everything that she feels was taken from her. She wants the life that she feels was taken from her. She wants revenge for the daughter she lost. She wants revenge on the families who had what she always wanted.

As for Charlotte’s killer (If she’s dead at all...) I will tell you that you’d do well to watch Mona. Or even possibly someone who appears to be Mona. They’re going to bring in Melissa and Wren to make it appear as though they have something to do with it, revealing things that we’ve wondered about them for a long time…

And Melissa’s luggage bag handle may have been missing but I would like to remind you… Who paid off the mechanic and drove the huge truck that nearly ran over Emily to get it back?

I hope the theory was well worth the wait, it was good to get back in the theory game again.

Don't worry, we all go a little mad sometimes.

#pretty little liars #pll theories #mary drake #PLL #i marlene king #theory #charlotte dilaurentis #cece drake #melissa hastings #alison #jessica dilaurentis #Spencer Hastings #mona vanderwaal #Emison #spoby #haleb #aria mon #Emily Fields #Alison DiLaurentis

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sintama · 8 years ago

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Stardew Valley Fable of the Six Farmers(Chapter 1!)

(This is a long one, brace yourselves! Our sextuplets finally have enough with modern reality and decide to open Grandpa’s letter.) It had been 20 years since grandpa passed away. The sextuplets had grown, passing their classes, making friends, getting into and leaving relationships, causing trouble, graduating… Now, they were each separated, as 24-year-old adults with their own homes, jobs and lives… And it was terrible. Nina had succeeded with average grades, her worst class being English. Her high school years weren’t too exciting- she simply wanted to graduate. But once she did… she had no clue what was next! Being the normal one had its flaws, as she could only get part-time jobs and night shifts for lousy pay… Until Joja Mart was set up and seeking new workers. She jumped at the opportunity, seeing as Joja Mart was practically a superstore! It included employee discounts and everything! HUGE. MISTAKE. Rather than getting the usual supermarket job, Nina was stuck as an office girl, gluing herself to a seat and typing reply letters from happy or unhappy customers for… honestly, she forgot how long. The days wore her out, the nights were miserable, her sleep schedule was never the same, her eating habits out of control. Everything had gone downhill so quickly… On the other side of the coin, Marien had passed high school as a model student. Student council president for three years in a row and a usual volunteer for whatever the school needed. Too bad all that work had gone to waste. Marien had graduate, with the goal to go into college… But without a degree in mind! Rater than waste money on courses, she decided to save up… Which meant working in a run-down grocery store, having to force a smile to even the whiniest customer. Her boss was no help either- insisting she do all the work while co-workers got off slacking. It was a living nightmare. Maybelle ended up no where better. The quiet kid at the back of class who was a B student, was now a delivery girl for the newspaper… The very boring, no-one-buys-this-but-your-aunt newspaper. Her pay was terrible- so poor she had to resort to staying in a crappy apartment with noisy neighbours. She had to pay rent quickly, and worry about food later… She’d sometimes go days on a single meal. Oh, why was the world so unfair? Amelia had tried to stay optimistic- she really did! After all, it was her dream to work with jewellery… But not like this. She didn’t want this… Standing for hours on end, watching patrons in the mall pass by, giving no second thought to the jewellery store on the corner, right across from a family restaurant… She’d be bored out of her mind before her shift was ever over. The jewellery they had wasn’t even well done! It looked cheap, and breakable to even the most average person imaginable. Amelia could do better in her sleep! If one thought Ciel was depressed before adulthood, wait until they see her now! The formerly adventurous and rebellious child was now a lazy, do-nothing adult who lived in the basement of their parents’ home. All she would do is wake up, eat a meal or two, then hide back into the dark basement as she scrolled through posts on her phone until her shift at the arcade. Correction; it wasn’t an arcade- it was more like a video arcade junkyard. The place was a mess, the pay was garbage and the carpet was stinky from… something. Soda? She hoped so… Half the games there were broken, the glass cases smashed by teenagers who had broken in, or simply did it while the workers were on break… And who’s paycheck was cut because of it? Ciel’s. It didn’t help that the arcade was on the pier, Ciel having a fear of the ocean since a bunch of drunk teens thought it’d be funny to take the employee of the arcade and throw her out into the ocean on a stormy night… It… wasn’t pleasant. Cynthia was the last to embrace the empty feeling that had consumed each sister one by one, like grapes picked off the vine. She was the worst academically, so she only got a job at a fast food joint down the street. Not only were the hours long and every day, but she had to deal with the DUMBEST people! If the menu doesn’t say it’s 10 dollars, then it isn’t 10 dollars!! Understand this, please! And then there’d be times she would be blamed for another worker’s error. Like, no, she didn’t do your order- yell at Steve, not her. It began to weight her down, her smile having to turn more and more forced by the day… Suddenly, as if on instinct, one night, each sister remembered the letter their grandfather gave them on his death bed… One by one, they searched for the letter, eventually finding it in drawers or a dirty cabinet or their pocket. Taking a deep breath, they peeled back the covering and took out the letter. As if by fate, each had their names on it… ‘My dearest Nina,’ The letter began, the handwriting slightly shaken, though it was obviously their grandfather’s writing. ‘I understand you are a very sociable girl, even at your age! In the future, you will find your outgoing nature to be your greatest strength, and it will guide you on the path of success. Rather than give you and your sisters a random object that could easily be lost or forgotten, I am giving you one of my six farms. Yes, that’s right, your old man had six farms. Though, some got more use than others. One of them, which I am bestowing onto you, dear Nina, is Magnolia Farm, named after the wonderful magnolia flowers your great grandmother gave me. This land is just outside of town, only a short trip away. I figured it would be perfect for you, seeing as you adore meeting new people so much! Where is Magnolia Farm? It is in Stardew Valley, a country-side town I lived in for years. I have told the residents to prepare for your arrival- don’t be surprised if the Mayor visits you first, Lewis was always such a funny fellow! Much love, Grandpa.’ ‘My dearest Marien,’ Marien read on, having to grab her reading glasses for this. ‘Do you remember the time you shared a story with me? The one about the water princess? And how you were convinced the river outside my home would take you to her kingdom? And you kept saying you would be the next heir to the water throne? You were so captivated by the water, I sometimes thought I’d have to drag you back indoors! I hope this love for nature continues into your adolescence. Because, rather than give you and your sisters an object or heirloom to share, I’ve decided to give you each one of my old farms. You, dear Marien, will earn the deed to Stardew Farm, a farm surrounded by rivers. It’s quiet a way away from town, but I’m sure you will enjoy the solitude it brings. Stardew Farm is in Stardew Valley, a country-side town that small and quaint- just your taste. Don’t worry, your sisters will be joining you there. Become your own water princess, my dear Marien. Grandpa believes in you!’ ‘My dearest Maybell,’ Maybelle sighed. “Even after four years, he can’t spell my name.” She scoffed, laying back before glancing at the ceiling, as if her grandfather could hear her. “There’s an ‘e’ at the end…” Nonetheless, she read on. ‘I understand you are not the most sociable person out of your sisters. I also understand your hidden love for nature.’ “…Shit, he caught on.” Maybelle chuckled to herself. ‘From the walks in the woods, to the grass bracelets, your love of the forest was apparent from the start. As such, rather than give you or your sisters an heirloom to share, I’ve decided to give you each one of my farms. You, dear Maybel,’ “My name isn’t that hard!” Maybelle whined, groaning into a pillow in anger before continuing. ‘Will be the new proud owner of Pine Farm, a lot of lush land that lays deep within the forest of Stardew Valley. The path may be overgrown by now, but with your hard work, you’ll clear it in no time. Do you remember Stardew Valley? I showed it to you and your sisters a while back. It’s in the country; it’s a small town with a low population. The locals will be very friendly, I should know. Hopefully, one of them remembers where Pine Farm is, and can guide you there. Enjoy yourself. -Grandpa. P.S:’ Wait, there’s more? ‘I know how to spell your name, Maybelle. I just enjoy messing with you.’ “…Of course.” Maybelle shook her head, chuckling. ‘My dearest Amelia,’ “Oh! That’s me!” Amelia smiled, relieved to hear, or rather read, her grandpa’s voice again. ‘Do you still have that ring you ‘borrowed’ from grandma’s jewellery box?’ “…Uh oh, he knew about that?” ‘Or the ruby necklace that you swore you’d only put on for a second?’ “…And that?” ‘Or what about the diamond bracelet that you got muddy?’ Amelia gulped. Grandpa was far too observant for her liking… ‘Nonetheless, I trust you have kept every piece of grandma’s jewellery safe from further harm, yes?’ This letter just made Amelia feel worse… She had to sell most of it to pay for housing, food and what have you… Though she did keep quite a bit of it. ‘Either way, your love of jewels must mean you like digging for them, right? I remember how many times I’d have your father bury a small stone for you to dig up in your sandbox or in the backyard. I hope your love is still strong- because, instead of giving you and your sisters money or more objects, I’ve decided to give you each one of my farms in Stardew Valley. You, my dear Amelia, will get Crystal Farm. Don’t get too excited now! The farm is atop a large hill, where mining is a major source of income and you can mine all the gems you desire!’ Amelia jumped to her feet, her eyes beaming at the thought. Her own gems? It sounded too good to be true! ‘Remember to visit town when you can, and be mindful of the weather- wind is terrible up there! Love, Grandpa.’ ‘My dearest Ciel,’ Ciel blankly looked at the paper. Great, after 20 years of nothing, she was getting something stupid- a watch, maybe? ‘I know you don’t like reading,’ No. ‘or listening to rules,’ Nope. ‘or doing anything by the book.’ Got that right. ‘So, I will be blunt with you. You are without a doubt the bravest of your sisters. You always face danger head on, and it is both admirable, and a very dangerous habit… So, rather than give you or your sisters special prizes, I decided to each give you the deed to one of my farms in Stardew Valley. You, dear Ciel, have Ebony Farm, a farm found deep in the mountains, where monsters lurk at night. I was hesitant to give this to one of you, but I know you can do it. Stardew Valley is a country-side village I fled to when I was in your situation, and I hope it’s a refuge for you and your sisters in your times of need. I wish you all the best luck. -Grandpa.’ Ciel put the letter away, deciding to sleep on it. Would she just abandon everything to go to the country…? ‘My dearest Cynthia,’ Cynthia’s eyes threatened to close already from exhaustion, but… She had to keep reading. ‘I remember you telling me of those summer days, when your family would take you to the beach and you would be the first in the sand, building sandcastles and molding forts while your sisters did their best to stay cool in the water. You said you were stronger, because the heat never bothered you. Well, what would you say if I got you a beach farm? Because, I’ve decided to give each of you girls one of my farms in Stardew Valley. Yours, dear Cynthia, is Dusk Farm, situated right on the beach. True, the rising tide may cause some issues, but you are sure to love it!’ A beach farm? That sounded… like an interesting challenge! ‘Do your best. And remember your sunscreen! Love, Grandpa.’ Almost simultaneously, each sister rose to their feet, began packing their bags, gathering what money they could and scrambled to the bus station for a ticket. They were each leaving the next day, wasting no time to escape this dreadful reality to embrace what their loving grandfather had left them. Their gratitude towards him were limitless now; their hearts soaring at the thought of a brand-new life… The next morning, each of them said farewell to their parents, exchanging hugs and kisses and promises to write while tears of happiness were shed. At around 8 A.M, they headed for the bus station to take the bus to Stardew Valley, sitting one behind the other as discussion rose over what was to come of them. What were their first plans? Who would they meet? Were any of them going to back out? No. They couldn’t. This was their new start. But, it was a long bus ride there… Only time would tell of their future in Stardew Valley.

#sdvfsf #stardew valley

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actutrends · 5 years ago

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Former NBA commissioner David Stern passes away at 77

New York City, NY – AUGUST 30: Previous commissioner of the NBA, David Stern participates in the NYCFC pop-up experience shop VIP launch party on August 30, 2017 in New York City City. (Image by Noam Galai/Getty Images)

Former NBA Commissioner David Stern has actually died. He was 77.

David Stern, former NBA Commissioner who managed rapid growth of the NBA throughout his 30- year tenure, has actually passed away. Stern was77 He was hospitalized for the previous few weeks after suffering a brain hemorrhage.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver released the following declaration:

For 22 years, I had a courtside seat to view David in action. He was a mentor and one of my dearest good friends. We spent numerous hours in the office, at arenas and on aircrafts, anywhere the game would take us. Like every NBA legend, David had extraordinary skills, however with him, it was constantly about the principles– preparation, attention to information, and effort.

David took control of the league in 1984 with a league at a crossroads. But throughout 30 years as Commissioner, he introduced the contemporary international NBA > He launched groundbreaking media and marketing collaborations, digital possessions and social obligation programs that have actually brought the video game to billions of individuals around the globe.

Since of David, the NBA is a genuinely international brand– making him not only one of the best sports commissioners of all time however also one of the most prominent business leaders of his generation.

Every member of the NBA household is the recipient of David’s vision, kindness and motivation. Our inmost condolences head out to David’s partner, Dianne, their kids Andrew and Eric, and their extended family, and we share our grief with everybody whose life was touched by him.

Tributes from the NBA community began to pour in as the news flowed.

Dwyane Wade, Richard Jefferson and Isaiah Thomas were among the very first NBA gamers to share their thoughts and sensations about Stern on Twitter. Expense Russell, Pau Gasol, Scottie Pippen, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and more followed.

The 2 crucial people in the history of the game of basketball are Dr James Naismith and DAVID STERN. One man developed the video game and the other made it what it is today. RIP David, numerous owe you a lot!

— Richard Jefferson (@Rjeff24) January 1, 2020

Prayers up for David Stern and his household!!

— Isaiah Thomas (@isaiahthomas) January 1, 2020

I can not take into words what the friendship of David Stern has actually indicated to me however lots of others. He changed a lot of lives. David was a terrific innovator and made the game we enjoy what it is today. This is an awful loss. Our hearts are with Dianne & their household. RIP my good friend. @NBA pic.twitter.com/mbnneqm18 s

— TheBillRussell (@RealBillRussell) January 1, 2020

Very unfortunate day for basketball. We saw David Stern a lot in the 90 s and I found him to be kind, thoughtful and generally the smartest individual in the space. He was an innovator who assisted grow our sport into an international game and his effect will never be forgotten. RIP, Commissioner. pic.twitter.com/FzlJwnJmrK

— Scottie Pippen (@ScottiePippen) January 1, 2020

David Stern was such a history maker. When I revealed in 1991 I had HIV, individuals believed they could get the infection from shaking my hand. When David allowed me to play in the 1992 All Star Game in Orlando and then bet the Olympic All-star Team, we had the ability to change the world.

— Earvin Magic Johnson (@MagicJohnson) January 1, 2020

The video game altered in a lot of methods under David Stern’s management and vision. He required the very best of everyone because he provided it himself. #Respect Thank you Commissioner. RIP pic.twitter.com/veT9GQfrdC

— Kobe Bryant (@kobebryant) January 1, 2020

Thank you David Stern! You altered everything and we’re permanently grateful. Rest In Peace. Great deals of love to the Stern household.

— Steve Nash (@SteveNash) January 1, 2020

Sad news. We lost a legend! RIP David Stern

— Dirk Nowitzki (@swish41) January 1, 2020

RIP David Stern, a path blazer in making the NBA truly a global sport. We can’t thank you enough. Condolences to the Stern Household

— Ben Simmons (@BenSimmons25) January 1, 2020

When I was a kid I would view the NBA drafts all the time. I used to dream about getting prepared, putting on my hat, and shaking his hand, and achieving a dream. He helped take the game to brand-new heights. RIP to the TERRIFIC David Stern.

— Jamal Crawford (@JCrossover) January 1, 2020

Th NBA and my family would not be in our position if wasn’t for among the best Commissioners in expert sports. RIP David Stern. The video game thanks you and will miss you.

— Karl-Anthony Towns (@KarlTowns) January 1, 2020

NBA media from Rachel Nichols, Bob Ryan, Zach Lowe, Kevin O’Connor, Chris Broussard, Bill Simmons, Mike Greenberg, Colin Cowherd and Jay Bilas were amongst those who shared their compassions for the Stern household while expressing the effect Stern had on the league.

Such unfortunate news from the NBA– previous commissioner David Stern, 77, has actually passed away after suffering brain hemorrhage 3 weeks back. Everybody owe Stern such a debt– he made American pro sports a more thrilling, more inclusive, more enjoyable location to be. He will be missed out on. pic.twitter.com/u8uAvJotIH

— Rachel Nichols (@Rachel__Nichols) January 1, 2020

I am really saddened to hear that David Stern has passed away. He helped transform a sleeping giant of a sport into an international force. Even better, he was an anti-stuffed t-shirt commissioner, a man you might joke and have a good time with.

— Bob Ryan (@GlobeBobRyan) January 1, 2020

There is no method to encapsulate David Stern’s effect on sports– and issues beyond sports– into a tweet. Rest in peace to the once and permanently commissioner.

— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) January 1, 2020

Rest in peace, David Stern. Stern conserved the NBA. The league and the sports world as a whole would not be what it is today without him– his impact is countless. History will remember him as one of the greats.

— Kevin O’Connor (@KevinOConnorNBA) January 1, 2020

Prayers going out to family & friends of former NBA Commissioner David Stern. May he RIP.

— Chris Broussard (@Chris_Broussard) January 1, 2020

David Stern was the most crucial non-player/non-coach who ever passed through the NBA and it’s not truly close. Out of everybody he probably enjoyed the league the a lot of. It’s an unfortunate day. RiP.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) January 1, 2020

Gutted to hear the news about David Stern. One of the most crucial people in the history of American sports. And among the most dazzling and interesting people I’ve ever had the advantage to satisfy.

— Mike Greenberg (@Espngreeny) January 1, 2020

David Stern was always among my favorite interviews. A couple times a year he would tolerate my latest NBA theory and shoot holes thru it. Constantly willing to take on any subject. Nearly appeared to relish the argument. A perfect, lively guest and a force of nature intellectually. #RIP

— Colin Cowherd (@ColinCowherd) January 1, 2020

RIP to former NBA Commissioner David Stern, who commanded unmatched international development of the NBA and basketball for 30 years. Precious couple of have actually had comparable effect upon the game. Sad news for the world basketball community. pic.twitter.com/8OF1UybTA0

— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) January 1, 2020

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell shared his thoughts on the “dean of commissioners” by means of Adam Schefter.

The post Former NBA commissioner David Stern passes away at 77 appeared first on Actu Trends.

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jozalynsharp · 6 years ago

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Mo'Nique and Why She Should Be an Inspiration to Comics Everywhere and My Ex Who Told Me I Wasn’t Funny

It's December 30th and my fiancee and I are filing into the MGM Garden Arena for the John Mayer/Dave Chappelle show. The energy in the room is vibrant. John comes out, plays some songs, and speaks on music with an expertise that made me fall in love with him as an artist all over again. Then Dave comes out. You can taste it in the air. Everyone in that room knows that someday they'll be telling their children about this experience. Dave tells 25 minutes of jokes then brings up the Netflix pay scandal. And he says to a sold out arena that "Mo'Nique is a legend.". After this weekend, I don't see how anyone can disagree with him.

I have been a fan of comedy my whole life. I have quite a few influences, but very few female ones. One of the biggest reasons I could even picture myself doing stand-up at all was Mo’Nique. When my friend found out what Mo'Nique meant to me he got me a ticket to see her new residency at the SLS. Some of you are reading this confused because you don't know what she means to this metal music loving, comic book collecting, video game playing, raw comedian. If you can’t really wrap your head around it, it probably means you have never seen Mo'Nique LIVE in her element. And shame on you for having preconceived notions about me.

When I was in my early 20's I was in a bad way. I had lost all self worth, was gambling in excess, and had garnered myself an opiate addiction. I was in a relationship that had me so down on myself, had me believing I was so worthless, I had begun to live my life as such. I stole Vicodin from wherever I could find it just so I could numb myself to the fact that I couldn’t find anything to love in the mirror anymore. I was adrift and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I loved comedy. I would watch hours of stand-up comedy and it would be my reprieve from the constant barrage of negative inner thoughts. I had been telling stories with my girlfriends one night, doing my best to make them laugh, and my oldest and dearest friend interrupted me. Her tone of voice would have made a lightbulb spontaneously appear over her head if we had been in a cartoon she sounded so revelatory. She pointed at me and said: “You should do stand-up comedy!”. And it clicked. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Once I figured out how to make people laugh, I was always chasing the next punchline way before I even recognized what I was doing. I wasn’t ever the pretty girl or the popular girl. I was the smart girl. I hated being the smart girl. People just want to cheat off your paper and they only want to be your friend in class in case there’s a group project. And no one especially wanted to dry hump the smart girl, and that’s all I wanted out of a Friday night at 17. I knew that people that made me laugh made me want to dry hump. I knew that people who made me laugh made me feel butterflies. I also knew the feeling of making people laugh was like being dry humped by the whole offensive line on Homecoming night. I wanted people to see me and say I was the funniest girl they knew, but I was horrendously shy outside of my extra-curricular theater activities. Although I wanted to be clever and tell stories and make everyone laugh, my severe lack of confidence meant I only showed that side of myself to my closest friends. Add a unibrow and some very poor fashion choices to that mix and I wasn’t exactly screaming anything but “dork”. My friends loved me though. My family loved me. There was always someone around who would laugh at whatever commentary I was spewing or story I was re-enacting. So when my dearest friend, my most practical and level-headed friend, looked me right in my eyeballs and said: “You should do stand-up comedy.”. My heart exploded. The gears in my head all felt like they clicked into place. Not only had someone validated me as funny verbally for one of the first times in my life, but someone had also presented an idea so out of the realm of my reality that was exactly what I wanted out of life. Make people laugh every night onstage for my job? Um, YES PLEASE. Where do I submit my resume? Unfortunately in stand-up, there is no application. It is a sea of possibilities of ways to start and each one is more daunting than the next. So I decided to present this new dream to my boyfriend at the time. We had an extremely unhealthy relationship due to him being too young to take responsibility for the fact that he pressured me into a relationship he didn’t actually want to be in anymore, and I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror and admit just how wrong we were for each other. I had allowed myself to come to a place where one man had torn me down emotionally so severely that I didn’t even realize how abusive it was until I relayed the stories to people who loved me later. Now, don’t jump to crucify him. We were young, and everything about our relationship was wrong from jump. But that’s a story for another day. I remember looking across the table of a BJ’s Restaurant & Brewery at him. This was someone I thought I loved, and I was still so naive and young to think that people will behave the way they’re supposed to and not the way they are going to. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized these are two very different things. I pushed my fries around on my plate and finally worked up the courage to say it. I couldn’t really bring myself to look at his face. I knew in my heart of hearts that whatever came out of his mouth following whatever I had to say would hurt me, because after a year together, I was finally starting to realize the difference between “supposed to” and “going to”. I faked nonchalance and spoke as if it was a silly idea I was presenting for conversation’s sake. “I’m thinking of trying stand-up comedy.”, and I laughed nervously waving my fork around to punctuate “stand-up comedy”. He didn’t even look up from his food. His body didn’t react. He only shoved another forkful of food into his mouth and said through a twice baked potato: “Why? You’re not funny.”. And then I thought to myself: “Well he must be right. He’s spent everyday with you for a year. Surely, if you were funny he’d be the one to know.”, and I moved on with my life.

I moved on right up until I came across a comedy special called “I Coulda Been Your Cellmate” from the star of one of my favorite movies: “Phat Girlz”. The concept of this comedy special alone shook me to my core. Mo’Nique doing stand-up for hundreds of inmates inside of a women’s prison. How could someone make people laugh in that situation? It seemed impossible.

Then the special started, and she could have done a funny sketch or just launched right into the jokes. However, as I have since learned, this is not her style. She spent the first part of this comedy special giving a voice to these women who will spend most of their natural lives behind bars. Mo’Nique took her time in the spotlight right then to highlight what is broken about prison and the so-called rehabilitation system. At one point an inmate asks her why she came there, and what she said next forever changed the way I looked at our prison system. It also forced me to confront my own inner prejudices against those who’ve been or are incarcerated. I hadn’t opened my heart to their humanity. Growing up in a conservative small town, I had only thought of them as less than decent people, and hadn’t considered how they got there. What tragedy had befallen their lives to drive them to where they were today? My heart ached with a newfound sympathy. Her statement was so profound to me I haven’t forgotten it in ten years: “We live in a society that threw you away, and they said you weren’t worthy and you weren’t valuable and that you were trash. I don’t believe that.” Soon the shot transitions to a stage built outdoors and a crowd of female inmates all wearing different colors to designate their danger or security threat. Mo’Nique then came onstage and took control. She would bring you right to the point of a real “a-ha” moment about us and our society. Then she would hit you with a punchline so funny and so unexpected, I was snort laughing by myself in my living room. Slapping my leg and cackling like an old prospector who just found Gold and couldn’t believe his luck. Now, I could write a massive amount on this special alone, but I’m here to talk about the NOW. I took this trip down memory lane to paint a picture of who I was when Mo’Nique’s stand-up got inside my craw. Because shortly after seeing this, I packed my bags and left. She had said right into that camera that she had been told she wasn’t good enough over and over, and yet here she stood more than good enough. There she stood, a success in her own right. So I loaded myself and my dog onto a plane bound somewhere far away from the man who told me I wasn’t good enough both in life and in my ambition.

Fast forward a few years and I move to Las Vegas, Nevada. My first friend (and still to this day friend) was none other than Bobby Wayne Stauts. He introduced me to a world of amateur stand-up that I didn’t even know existed. I wanted to be a part of it so badly, that I spent three weeks just going out to shows and open mics and befriending comics. Some of my friends who are reading this are like, “Jozalyn, you SURE did ‘befriend’ some of those comics.” and to them I say: Go Befriend Yourself. Then a friend put me on stage one night for 3 minutes and the rest is, as they say, history. Now, let’s jump ahead in the timeline one last time to last week. My friend takes me to see Mo’Nique at her new residency at the SLS. I’m euphoric at the thought of seeing the woman who taught me how to clap back at bullies in “Phat Girlz” and inspired me to shut out the people saying I wasn’t going to be good at stand-up. Her opener Correy Bell had me laughing so hard I almost lost a strip of eyelashes because I was crying. Then, Mo’Nique came out. Gorgeous and statuesque, her smile lit up the whole room, she danced her way to that microphone and before we knew it we were all on our feet dancing with her. Just sharing in a moment of pure joy. No judgement, no pretensions, just everyone in a room feeling unbridled joy at exactly the same moment. She did exactly what I fell in love with her for from the beginning. She made us laugh, she made us cry, and she made us think. She challenged her own belief systems, she challenged our belief systems, and she challenged how we treat each other. She told stories so raw and so real, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because her pure vulnerability was beautiful.

Then the meet and greet comes. I am sweating and nervous. You don’t often get to meet personal heroes, but I can tell you when I do I want to vomit. Did I do that? No I just cried uncontrollably while standing in a line full of people drinking and dancing. I realize now that Mo’Nique being the thing that pulled me out of traumatic experience also meant that she would take me back there for a moment. And the tears that flooded down my face, the same tears that threaten to fall as I write this, were tears of gratitude. This woman inspired me to chase my dreams in a very real way. It comes my turn and she hugs me deeply and says some things into my ear that I will keep with me forever. I will to write them here, or anywhere because they are mine. When she speaks to you, you just know some things are for you and that moment. Then she pulls away and lets me tell her my story. I walked away knowing I’d never forget this experience. As lucky as I felt then, I then am lucky enough to be invited to do a guest set a few days later. She sends for me when I arrive. I walk into her dressing room and she smiles at me. She squeezes my hand and says “Hello, baby.” and I remind myself that if I cry in front of Mo’Nique again she’s gonna think I’m a crazy person. So I choke back those tears and smile and say hello back. Her energy is palpable. I feel so positive and comfortable, I just know the night is going to be fun. And it was. It was one of my favorite performing experiences to date. I got to watch her bring the house down and I went home that night giving a middle finger to all those people who said “Never meet your heroes.”.

I will save a lot of the memories of that night for me. They are special to me and I don’t believe everything is meant to be shared. I believe some things are meant to be cherished and don’t need repeating. However, there are some things from that night that made me think that a lot of comics, not just female comics, I know could take a page out of the Mo’Nique handbook. Here’s what I took away from this experience:

Don’t be afraid to be real. She showed us her heart and it made those laughs feel so very good. It felt like laughing with your favorite cousin who you only get to see once a year for the holidays. It felt like laughing with that person in your life who you laugh so hard with every time you hang out and only you guys think each other is funny. It felt so very good. A pure laugh that sits in your belly and came from your heart.

Be good to people. All of her messages can be summed up in one message: “Be better to each other”.

And love those who love you. She spent real genuine time with each of her fans that stayed for the meet and greet. She hugged us like she lost us in the grocery store and thought we got snatched up. She didn’t fade. She gave every one of those people 110% of her right up until the moment she walked offstage. Hell, for all I know she was back there hugging the staff and giving them all those positive vibes she seems to be made of.

The fourth thing that I took away was how much she cared that the experience was good for me. She check on me FOUR times before my set. She even apologized for interrupting me while I was reading my notes. She checked on me and made me laugh and showed me love before I even touched the microphone. She didn’t need me to prove that I was funny before she treated me with kindness and love. She did it because I was, as she says, her “Sister in Comedy”.

Comics can so often can ascribe their personal feeling on a comic’s “talent” to how they feel about a person. Deigning them to be “hack” or an “open micer” or “not funny” somehow making them less worthy of kindness it seems. How many of us check on someone we’ve never seen go up even once before they do a guest set on our show? And no I’m not counting you saying “Tight five. Be funny and I'll light you at four.” as checking on them.

And finally, the last thing that I will hold with me for as long as I am in this crazy industry was what she said when I thanked her for the opportunity. I will hold onto this as a principle in my life. It is the kind of person we should all aspire to be. She took my hand and said: “Just promise me that when you’re where I’m at, you’ll reach your hand out to the next little girl trying to make her way and help her up.”.

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