#Mal: I was married once actually

[wynn-ing]

Fun fact, the shirt Page is wearing is the same shirt he lent Etienne in the first fic <3 He finally got it back!

Saw a tumblr post that made me feel sappy about these two <3 (from my fanfic, here!)

[siriuslyobsessedwithfiction]

Alina Starkov - the most inconsistent main character. A tragedy of not wanting to have an identity.

The main character in Shadow and Bone trilogy, a prime example of "she deserved better". A.k.a. soldier, Sun Summoner, Sun Saint. In reality, a false saint and a false hero, who has less personality, goals, spine and consistency than her three love interests. How did this happen? Short answer - bad writing. Long answer? Here we go.

Her character at the beginning - a blank slate.

Physically small and weak, sickly, fragile, with a sour face and sourer attitude. Grew up in an orphanage funded by a Duke, who they were taught to basically worship while looking down on religion and beliefs in saints. Children in the orphanage were beaten if they misbehaved or didn't do chores, but were given education and fine food, which means they were faring better than peasants and farmers. Alina had not many, but several options in her life. She could learn a trade that would not require physical labour, like sewing. Or, she could marry and hope her husband was gracious enough to buy a donkey instead of making her carry heavy sacks of salt on her back, as we see a random man do to his wife. But Alina had no hobbies, interests, aspirations or ambitions in her life. Except her childhood friend Mal. Mal gets a mandatory draft in the First Army, and of course Alina follows, and settles for being a mediocre cartographer. Mal thrives in the army, showing off muscles and hooking up with women, while Alina dutifully waits for him saints know why. She doesn't have other genuine friends, she doesn't like people, she doesn't like anything. This is not a bad start in a sense that there is much room for growth and improvement.

Refusing to belong

Alina discovers she's a long awaited sun summoner, who can vanquish the Fold and unite Ravka. She doesn't want to be special, but not for the reasons you might think. Instead of fearing the burden of such an important task or genuinely becoming paranoid of being assassinated (she gets over those in five minutes), she just...doesn't want the responsibility of actually being useful for something. She'd rather not have powers at all, and go back to being in a constantly sickly state. She'd rather be tailing Mal like a mouse. Which doesn't make any sense for following reasons:

Alina's insecurities in SaB:

Not being pretty and talented

2. Not being as pretty and talented as Grisha

3. Being an orphan, being unwanted.

Being a Grisha actually solves all those problems for her. She gets prettier and healthier once she stops repressing her powers, has a unique cool power, and a community that cares for her. Plus, the support from important figures in Ravka. In time, she could have a family.

Instead, she refuses to acknowledge she's one of them, doesn't train properly, preferring to cling to her prejudices and make digs at Grisha. She'd rather complain that they're prettier, confident and pampered than acknowledge they are serfs, nothing but glorified servants with no basic human rights. Instead of her superstitions and prejudices being shattered when she starts living with them and realizing what Grisha have to go through, becoming rightfully enraged that her people are being treated this way, she still doesn't feel any empathy. In fact, she still doesn't see the General as a HUMAN BEING WHO MIGHT HAVE FEELINGS, even though he makes time in his busy schedule of running an army to make sure she's comfortable, jokes along with her, listens to her fears and reassures her, etc. Why would he go through the trouble if he was heartless? He's the General of the Second Army, by the King's law, she's his soldier. She is obligated to obey him regardless.

The narrative supports her delusions.

I get missing her friend, I get struggling to adjust, but it's more than that. Alina is getting dragged along from a plot point to a plot point kicking and screaming, as if she has anything better to do. She doesn't have a life, why is she so against of getting one? Once she finally somewhat adjusts to her life in the Little Palace, it turns out Darkling has had malicious intents towards her powers all along! Aha, you were right to be prejudiced, Alina! Now abandon your people, your country, and run!

“He … he said that Darklings are born without souls. That only something truly evil could have created the Shadow Fold.”

Imagine telling a person who saved your life that he was a soulless abomination, even though you do not know him, and he is still kind to you and reveals as much about him as he can. There is no grooming and manipulation here, it's just called not being a bitch. Darkling tells Alina he's over 120 years old, Alina is an adult, and the damned kiss was consensual. Of course he didn't tell her everything. Even regular people don't reveal their life-long ambitions and deepest childhood trauma to their crush after several conversations. It took Alina months to stop being in denial about being a Grisha, still didn't like being one, you're telling me if Darkling set her down and explained the complex political situation and his plan to overthrow the corrupt monarchy and bring an end to the war, Alina wouldn't jump out of the window?

Alina running away, not confronting the problem, and straight up deciding Darkling was evil incarnate with no evidence snowballed into Darkling deciding she couldn't be trusted and taking more drastic measures. Liberation of his people was on the line and one pesky girl screwed up a carefully planned coup because she couldn't handle her feelings.

False badassery

Throughout the whole three books, every time Alina makes a decision, it's immediately followed by self-doubt, shame and scorn. But no actual objective criticism. We often see variations of "It was foolish, but I didn't care", "I knew it was reckless but I couldn't bring myself to care", but never her actually analyzing why, or deciding not to do something like that again. Her small victories are immediately followed by thoughts on how would others feel about it, even though the person in question isn't even there and couldn't give less of a shit: "Never is it to be said that Ana Kuya didn't teach us manners", "A cheap trick, but a good one. Nikolai would be proud". Ana Kuya was an abusive mother figure, Nikolai was using Alina's status to get the throne. Sure, it's good that Alina is capable of learning useful things from every kinds of people, but she doesn't think "That was smart of me. I learnt that. I'm proud of myself for an accomplishment". She thinks "Is it good? Would they like it? They like things like that, right?". She attaches herself to people that fit her view of "deserving" and helps them, even though it might not be for the best. Extreme lack of self-worth, combined with entitlement.

When Alina hears a rumour Darkling ordered his heartrenders to sew a traitor's mouth shut, she's horrified. Even though that's hardly the worst punishment for a traitor in an army. But when some pilgrims insult Genya, she orders to have their tongues cut out after they're given only one warning. When Alina commits violence at slightest provocation, it's baddass. But when Darkling commits a controlled necessary military act to stop enemies from overrunning the country, it's madness and is falsely labeled genocide. Look up the definition, genocide is what was happening to Grisha.

The Darkling never kidnapped children and put them in the war zone. He only lied to Alina that he did, a clever strategy with no bloodshed. Meanwhile, Alina let her cult fight for her, whose members were brainwashed children, some only twelve years old.

When Alina faces a dilemma or a tense military situation, her go-to strategy is suicide. That is not martyrdom, nor it is badass.

Darkling became a bad person out of good intentions and desperation, Alina is just a bad selfish person.

Desperate people are the ones capable of the worst acts. Darkling didn't go nearly as crazy as he could, and frankly had a right to on behalf of his people.

"Aleksander had marched south with the king’s soldiers, and when they’d faced the Shu in the field, he’d unleashed darkness upon their opponents, blinding them where they stood. Ravka’s forces had won the day. But when Yevgeni had offered Aleksander his reward, he had refused the king’s gold. “There are others like me, Grisha, living in hiding. Give me leave to offer them sanctuary here and I will build you an army the likes of which the world has never seen.”

It doesn't matter how much genocide, prejudice, abuse and dehumanization the Grisha suffered through for centuries all around the world, Alina never bothers to look at the big picture. Her help is only for those who she deems worthy of it.

She attaches herself to people who fit her narrow-minded view of "worthy". She immediately believes Baghra's rather flimsy expose of Darkling, even though the old woman has been nothing but unhelpful to her, only insulting her and beating her. But Alina associates her with her only mother figure, Ana Kuya, another old hag she had a toxic relationship with. And even though Baghra is an immensely powerful Grisha who refuses to help or even lift a finger, or just spit out vital information, Alina coddles her and provides protection. Instead of telling her to fess up the useful information and save her unhelpful comments, Alina looks up to her as a mentor.

When Genya tells her story, Alina feels bad for her, but not bad enough to see things her perspective. She only becomes protective of Genya once she gets mutilated, out of pity. If it was genuine compassion, she would've forgiven and understood her from the start.

Every Grisha has been hunted and shamed for merely existing, almost every Grisha has lost a loved one to war. But Alina pointedly ignores it, because she doesn't personally know and care for those people. Therefore, she doesn't feel empathetic. Because if she feels empathetic, she might start feeling guilty about how she runs away from her responsibilities at every given opportunity. Just look at this passage:

“You know what he plans to do, Ivan.” “He plans to bring us peace.” “At what price?” I asked desperately. “You know this is madness.” “Did you know I had two brothers?” Ivan asked abruptly. The familiar smirk was gone from his handsome face. “Of course not. They weren’t born Grisha. They were soldiers, and they both died fighting the King’s wars. So did my father. So did my uncle.” “I’m sorry.” “Yes, everyone is sorry. The King is sorry. The Queen is sorry. I’m sorry. But only the Darkling will do something about it.”

The Darkling never wanted power for selfish reasons. He didn't want to take over other countries or lift Grisha above regular people. He wanted his kind to have basic human rights. Centuries of diplomacy and servitude only gave him enough power to make a school for Grisha children and save adults from slavery and getting slaughtered by serving nobles. He wanted to use the Fold as a border, to stop enemies from invading whenever they pleased, so he would have the time to save Ravka from collapsing. What has Alina done? Started a civil war, destroyed the Second army and helped put a morally dubious man with no claim on the throne to continue an outdated absolute monarchy tradition.

Alina Starkov was meant to be the sun, but turned out to be a trick of the light.

Every time it felt like Alina was emerging from her cocoon as a beautiful butterfly, embracing her true self, she went back to the toxic situationship and the toxic mindset. The narrative also always struck her down. Every book begins and ends with her being sickly, fragile, missing an essential part of herself. It would be good if it was written differently and showed themes of being disabled or having a chronic illness accurately, but it's not. It started out well. Alina was removed from an abusive environment, found a purpose in life, started loving her newfound powers, outgrew the stupid crush who she was way too dependent on, but it all went downhill from there. And then some. This constant vicious cycle does not fit the theme of growth and improvement, and neither does the ending, where Alina loses her powers and goes back to the orphanage. Once again, she's frail and strange, servants (who she now employs) don't respect her, sneer and make fun of her, while her now husband Mal turns a blind eye. Everything is back to the way it was: Mal thrives, Alina is...there. The ending is supposed to be bittersweet, a couple who survived a war building a new life together, but I don't see the sweet part.

Trick of the light - definition: something appearing different from what actually is as a result of the quality of light.

Darkling wanted her to be a strong Grisha, his equal and balance. Grisha wanted her to be a capable leader, Bataar twins wanted a living saint they could worship, Nikolai wanted a wife interested in Ravka and politics. Alina tried to be all of that, but never really wanted to be any of those, so she half-assed it. Mal wanted the version of Alina who was small and insignificant, because anything more made him insecure, and he got his wish.

Illusion, mirage, spectre.

No matter how much the author tries to tell us that Alina's every problem is Darkling's fault, her thought process and actions paint a different picture. Alina was never mentally healthy and she never addressed or resolved her problems. Growing up in a controlled and abusive environment affected her more than anyone, including herself, wants to admit. I am not a licensed psychiatrist, so I will refrain from officially diagnosing Alina, even though she's a fictional character. I am NOT saying I know for certain that Alina has these, if any, mental problems, but she does have some alarming symptoms. It seems like depersonalization. While her symptoms don't fit into one particular mental disorder, I am reminded of psychiatric infantilism, but it is not a mental illness with symptoms. Psychiatric infantilism doesn't necessarily mean the person acts outwardly childishly. To explain very roughly and simply, it means the psych is not as developed as it should be (even if the person is very smart and clever). It shows in avoiding responsibility or not feeling it at all, problems with social connections, not seeing the big picture and taking it seriously, etc. When Harshaw tells the story of his brother getting brutally murdered by people who hate Grisha, even brash Zoya is appalled and expresses her condolences. While all Alina thinks about is that Harshaw might base his hope of having a better life on her now.

Alina also might have Dependent Personality Disorder, but it's hard to say, since we are never shown her being on her own long enough to see whether or not she can take actually care of herself. But her relationship with Mal, Darkling and Baghra (after she no longer objectively needs them) is weird, to say the least.

She never gains the sense of self or an identity, she refuses to become something, then delivers an inner monologue of accepting her fate and five minutes later goes back on her words. Her willingness to sacrifice her life is never out of thinking of the greater good and future, justice, or patriotism. She just doesn't want to live, especially without Mal, who has been doing nothing but shitting on her. Her titles are slapped on her, and she peels them off. Her personality never really changes. Everything she went through feels like a really bad exchange program she was in for a year, and from which she has learnt nothing.

P.S. I don't hate Alina's character, I just mourn her lost potential.

If you have made it to the end, I salute you, congratulations and thank you. 😊 🙏 ❤️

[the-curious-butterfly]

While it wasn’t quite so early in the morning when the infamous Red of Hearts decided to barge into her office, again, it was around the time Uma was about to sit down and enjoy a quick cup of coffee before the more hectic parts of her day would begin. So perhaps you could forgive her for entertaining the thought of throwing the red head out the window. It was only for a second, she would assure you. As a principle she must not condone violence.

As a pirate, well, that’s different.

But she’s actually gotten quite use to Red coming into her office what feels like every other day, sometimes welcomed sometimes not, always for one reason or another. That a part of her actually kind of expected it.

What she did not expect was for Red to fling/splay herself upon the couch as if she was in a therapy session and for the first words out of her mouth to be. “Chloe won’t kiss me.”

Uma very nearly did a spit take as she placed her mug down upon her desk. “What?” Was the girl really coming to her Principal for relationship advice? Not that she was any bad at it, but really?

Red ignored the sound of Uma nearly choking in favor of her own problems. “At first I thought it was because she didn’t actually like me like that. That she only agreed to date me because I had no experience with love and she felt bad for me. I mean, every time I tried to take our relationship to the next level she always turned away, how could I not think that right?”

“Hmm.”

“Except I finally confronted her about it and you know what she says?”

“I can’t imagine what it could be.” Uma genuinely means that too, everyone knows Chloe really likes Red, like a lot. Whatever is holding her back has to be rather significant.

“She said, I can’t kiss you Red, if I do then I’ll have to marry you.”

Oh hex, Uma should not have tried to take another sip so soon. This time her throat was too preoccupied to even get the word out so she thought it in her head. ‘What?’ Fortunately the lack of response didn’t matter to Red in the least.

“Suffice to say, that really threw me for a loop so I very calmly and gently asked her ‘what the hex are you talking about?’ And her response was ‘that’s how it always happens, Red. Once true loves kiss is shared it’s marriage and happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I really like you, and don’t mind at all the thought of marrying you. But we’re only sixteen, and what if you find out being tied down with me is not what you wanted. After all you’re all about-“

“Breaking rules and causing trouble?”

“She used the word freedom.”

“Course she did. Red, did you come to me for reassurance that wedding bells won’t start ringing the second your lips touch your Charming’s?”

Though she provides no response Red gives her a look that is actually rather innocent coming from her, cluing Uma in that she’s on the right track.

“Look, I can’t say that it won’t. She’s right, these fairytales feel like they happen fast. You two have all the makings of a fairytale if I ever saw one, and I was even there to witness Ben and Mal back in the day.” She pauses for a moment as she considers her next words. “But let me ask you something. Would that really be so bad?”

“I’m…not sure.” Red’s response is rather honest and genuine so Uma continues with the same.

“Red, these people didn’t get married because their fairytale told them to. It’s because they loved each other so much that the thought of cementing it in stone, or carving it out into the hull of a ship just felt right.”

Red really looked as if she was truly taking in what Uma was saying…for once.

“Now, to think you’ll be married so soon after your first kiss is a bit of an exaggeration. That kid is surprisingly sheltered for one so good with swords.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But, if it does happen some time in the future. I ask again, would it really be so bad?”

After a moment of thought Red offers Uma a small and genuine smile. “No, I don’t think it would.”

“Now go get that kiss.” Huh, why does that line remind her of something from years ago, royals are so weird. “And for the love of the sea can you please stop breaking into my office with or without me in it!”

“Thanks a lot, Principal Uma, I’ll see you later.” Red calls back as she leaves rather cheerfully, causing Uma to grin despite herself.

“Red of Hearts, I know you heard me.”

….

“Red!”

[etheries1015]

I was thinking- what if Vil does one of those celebrity documentaries when he's older? He's settled down with you, you have kids, his career is still going good. He'll talk about when you guys decided to settle down and have kids (the home video clips of him loving his kids 🥲). They'll sit you down and you just radiate loving housewife energy and someone will sneakily catch on camera Vil looking at you so softly while you're recording your part. Him admitting his problems with Neige (and the team interviewed him too but he still has no idea about Vil's true feelings), how he always wanted a role outside of being a villain. Rook having his own interviews being his usual self but also suddenly showing up in your home during filming. Epel wanting to get in on it to kinda reveal the bs Vil made him put up with (and Vil just chuckles cause he still knows he was right) and to promote the farm. And then Vil mentions how he owes Malleus favors (does he reveal he overblotted?). Cue the screen suddenly showing Malleus sitting comfortably in a chair and smiling smugly. And then you notice he's in your home. And he's just like, "Oh, yes. I did Schonheit some favors back then." And it shows some backstage footage of the film crew wondering if they should even try and contact THE Malleus Dragonia to get an interview, and if they do if they actually have the guts to. But before they can decide you pull up, "Oh? You wanna talk to Mal? Let me ask him!" And you just speed dial him and ask and once you hang up he's magically poofed into your home for the interview. He doesn't mind talking about Vil and you but also sneaks in some gargoyle stuff. There's also extra footage of your still young kids hearing Mal is here and running up to him, "Uncle Mal~!!" And you, Vil, Mal, and the kids having a small tea break.

Oh man, what're you doing dropping this beautiful piece in my inbox when you should post it on your page and get the attention it deserves?? Because this is ADORABLE and AMAZING! All the ideas you threw out in here were so cute, Vil finally having the confidence to talk about you and his family, his carreer as a total...plus that Malleus blurb LMFAOOOO, When you're asked what person in your school years affected you most other than Vil or what friends you had that were most prominent, you say "Oh, Malleus Draconia! I think he's king of brair valley right now, though."

Everyone just stares at you in shock, but Vil kinda like "You have his number, right? Call him over." (He did it for the drama...he thought it would be funny for the documentary, and he was right. It became the most replayed part of the entire section.)

AND YOUR KIDS WITH VIL TALKING AND HANGING OUT WITH MALLEUS LIKE OL' CHUMS IS SO ADORABLE. When Malleus comes over, he always has some sort of riches or treasures for your children. He's constantly playing with them. He's your go-to baby sitter and he LOVES it. You being best friends with Malleus while married with Vil HAS to be my favorite thing about ALL OF THIS. It's so adorable i'm sobbing crying shaking throwing up.

The home clips...oh my gosh i'm so soft. YES!! Imagine when the documentary gets released, so many people point out places that they noticed Rook was in the background in the videos when you didn't see them before. It was insane, an entire conspiracy theory trend came out of it.

I like to think you have home videos of VIL being the housewife, cooking in his "Kiss the queen" Apron while holding one of your children on his side and using a spatula to flip the pancakes with the other. He had no idea you released this to the director, it came a shock to him when there was a section of the documentary dedicated to how you felt being married and having kids with one of the worlds biggest stars. He probably cried a little about it, ngl.

PLEASE I IMPLORE YOU reveal yourself!! Or post this!! Because it's such a cute idea and I think you truly deserve the rightful attention! But thank you for sharing, this was such a fun read and I enjoyed exploring / expanding more on it heuheuheu.

[caliburn-the-sword]

how come ONLY mal's parentage was ever important enough to have BOTH her parents name dropped in the movies, and not only that, both MAJOR antagonists and not just sidekicks or goons?? cause like. i get that carlos and jay aren't that much of main characters as the girlies, but c'mon after mal and ben, evie was more or less THE main characters. like. when mal was getting all angsty over her dad i whole heartedly believe that evie would've been "hey i get it. yk my dad ________ was also super absent in my life. i understand you <3"

anyway here are my theories on the unknown blank parents of some of the VK's, in order of how much i believe it to be true. shoutout to @piraterefrigerator who heard me out on this and let me bounce ideas off him to try as i tried to figure out who was whose parents

evie

now, we all know that the evil queen is the gold digger of all gold diggers. now, i believe that unlike most other villains and their henchmen, the second that snow white became queen, all of the evil queen's staff would've started serving snow white, snow white is beloved, and none of the evil queen's staff actually had anything to do with her vendetta against snow white OTHER than the huntsman, who i actually don't believe is on the isle since he was good and maybe?? died?? i can't remember

while the evil queen has a killer reputation like the rest of the parents of the core4, since she has no loyal army, no threat of magic to hold over peoples' heads once they all escape the island (i believe she was a potionsmaster/alchemist rather than someone with innate magic like maleficent or jafar), and we don't really know HOW those core 4 ever actually came to power, but we do know she came to power last out of those 4 on the isle since the maleficent exiled her for 10 years

... the place that i'm going with this, is that the evil queen MAY have seduced jafar to be able to share in his power on the isle. but to prove this, i'm going to have to dive into jafar as an individual

the only 'romantic' subplots we ever see jafar in are when he's pursuing jasmine. jafar may have soley wanted to marry jasmine for legal purposes (becoming sultan) and the pedo implications were a complete accident on disney's part. and since he has no claim to that throne through jasmine anymore once he was defeated

his plan getting with the evil queen COULD have been to take back her kingdom and become the king of that kingdom once they escaped the isle, especially because we NEVER actually see jafar complain about aladdin or jasmine, whereas maleficent wants to take over auradon, the evil queen gets pissy over snow white, and cruella harps on about the dogs. not only that, the evil queen is also the ONLY formerly royal woman on the isle that we're aware of in canon

i think. jafar would have ditched eq the second that maleficent banished her because he's more afraid of maleficent than he would have feelings for the evil queen, and he took jay since he wasn't in the immediate blast range (jay isn't eq's son) which is how that all worked

i also think that evie might be one of the only girls that jay doesn't flirt with??? i could be wrong. since i haven't read the first book in a few years

but like. evie is quite racially ambiguous, so while i don't think that makes or breaks this theory, i do think it supports it

a crackpot theory for another candidate of the evil queen's baby daddy is

but that's a furry, and evie has no furry qualities

dizzy

lady tremaine and her daughters are, you guessed it, also gold diggers, and i think that they, like all villains on the isle, would have clawed onto whatever power they could, especially given that they had none of their own legions, magic outside the isle, any reputation that they could stake their lives on (in the grand scheme of things, making a girl clean the house isn't all that grand compared to people that tried to conquer kingdoms)

now. we never see the tremaines in descendants so i'm inclined to believe that they look exactly as in the animated/live action cinderella movies, aka european descent, but dizzy herself is portrayed by a wasian actress

while the descendants casting was more or less raceblind for the vk's, i'm still inclined to believe that dizzy is actually the daughter of shan yu, which effectively would grant that evil stepsister a bit of a leg to stand on in the isle

carlos

now, carlos has NO magic, and is also noticeably paler than his mother. which means his father could be any white disney antagonist, which is *check notes* a lot of them. cruella is a nepo baby, so i don't think she would've been a gold digger like others on this list. especially because, as "the bitch that wanted 101 puppies dead for her fur coat" i don't think she needed anything for her reputation as the scary crazy bitch that wants 101 puppies for her fur coat

... narrowing down her baby daddy's identity to "possibly white" and "not magic" does not narrow it down by much since i don't have any other personal taste i could attribute to her, other than perhaps hunters

the candidates are, in most to least likely, are:

because i think only a catnapper would get behind cruella's batshit dognapping plan

however, there is also this guy:

cause i think she would appreciate his hunting of an exotic animal

this guy, because i think she would like the idea of a fox fur coat

this guy, because he does animal abuse and cruella would get behind that

or, my most crackpot theory yet:

"but cal, that's a wolf!! and cruella fucking hates dogs!!"

i could argue that cruella wanted to skin that guy for a coat and was gonna get him while he was a asleep, failed, and then raised carlos to believe all dogs are bad because fuck that guy in particular. also, carlos DOES run fast enough for the sport team as like. their canonically fastest player, despite him being a little computer nerd. that boy has never run in his LIFE. so like. you could attribute having a wolf father to him being a fastboi

harry hook

as for harry, i honestly think his mother is a milf. because those good looks had to come from SOMEWHERE

also, if we're following punnet squares, harry has light coloured eyes and hook has brown eyes, so one of hook's parents probably had blue eyes, and i imagine either hook's mother or his grandparents on that side of the family would have to have blue eyes. for simplicity's sake, i'm gonna assume that it was his mother so that i can narrow it down

harry ALSO doesn't have magic, so i'm running with the assumption that his mother has blue eyes, maybe dark hair (unimportant), and no magic, and is presumably white. one woman that fits the bill is mother gothel

jay

i will be referring to this post quite a bit

i need to start this by saying, there is a popular theory that jafar swapped out his actual child for aladdin's son, and jay is actually the son of aladdin and jasmine. i think that this is a stupid ass theory, because the barrier had already been up on the isle for 4 years at that point, and if jafar had managed to SOMEHOW get off the isle, travel all the way to agrabah, swap out their similarly aged children, do you not think he would have just STAYED off the isle instead of returning with his new son to stock the store??? he wouldn't need to stock the store if he WASN'T ON THE ISLE is all i will say. also, you don't just genetically inherit your parents' ability to steal, it is a learnt skill. jafar learnt how to do it, and then taught jay, plain and simple

however, unless jay is more than 9 months older than evie but less than 12 months older than her, then his mother would be some other woman, especially because the two were raised completely separately. i DON'T think that the evil queen is jay's mother, but i still think jafar would've gone as close to royal as possible since we know he values economic status

there aren't many female villains, so the main candidates for this would've been yzma (kuzco's royal adviser, very close to successful to stealing his throne), or the other tremaine evil stepsister??? since that was a reasonably wealthy family considering their inheritance

as for yzma, i don't think she has any inate magic of her own, just alchemy, which accounts for jay not inheriting any magic like mal. yzma is also, i assume, an albino latina, but whether jay has a european mother or a brown mother i don't actually think that matters too much since he's fairly ambiguous

sidenote, i always knew that booboo stewart was indigenous but i didn't know he was also asian omg

now for the son of jafar, obviously they couldn't be raceblind when casting him and had to find someone not white for the role. and hollywood treats brown people as quite interchangeably and just casts whoever as whoever (see the oscar isaac joke that in the 'a priest, rabbi, and imam walk into a bar' joke, he can play all three), but i'm using this as my proof anyway that jay is (possibly) a son of yzma

uma

uma is unfortunately at the bottom of this list, because i actually have no idea who her father would be. like sure, it would be easy to just go and say "well the only other Black villain on the isle is facilier so it must be him" but he is SO present in celia's life and has such a good relationship with her that i refuse to believe that he would in the same beat be completely absent in uma's life. unless there are other disney villains that got racechanged in the descendants universe that we're unaware of, i actually have no idea who uma's father would be, ESPECIALLY because the only comment ursula ever makes on men is in poor unfortunate souls, but that was more her gaslighting ariel than her actual proper view on men and romance. the only thing i can say is that since ursula is in squid form on the isle naturally despite the magic ban, but uma is naturally in human form, i definitely think that uma has a human father rather than a father from an undersea kingdom. if any uma stans want to weigh in here, please go for it because i'd love to hear who you think is uma's father

[dragoneyes618]

From what I know about Greek mythology, Hades was one of the few gods who never actually cheated on his wife.

Sure, he had quite a few dalliances before he married Persephone. But once they were married, he was always faithful to her, unlike some other relatives of his I could name.

Which is why him being Mal's father is surprising, because it means he, after thousands of years, was unfaithful to his wife and had a child with another woman.

And if it's unlikely enough he'd cheat once, it's extremely more unlikely he'd cheat twice. So while Mal may be the daughter of Hades and Maleficent (AU where Mal is actually the daughter of Hades and Persephone but Maleficent kidnapped her), Hadie is almost certainly the son of Hades and Persephone, and not another woman on the Isle.

[hunterofartemis7]

Cause I’m on a Descendants kick and Hades and Maleficents relationship is my current hyper fixation, imma share a random thought of them actually being good parents. They’re villains but not monsters.

•Maleficent was 100% protective of some of the VK’s, specifically Mal, Evie, Carlos, Jay, Uma, Harry, and Gil for her own reasons.

1. Mal—cause it’s her fucking kid😅

2. Evie—mals best friend and evil queen was a crap mom

3. Jay—Mals friend, and he kinda just stuck to her having no maternal figure in his life.

4. Carlos—Mals friend and he was drawn to Hades as a father figure

5. Uma—cause Maleficent is friends with her aunt. She’s not as protective of Uma as the others but she would also watch to make sure the girl got home or hades would walk her home.

6. Harry—He’s her godchild

7. Gil—Gaston can’t feed the kids anything but Eggs so she makes sure the kid eats something.

• All 7 kids know they can allows come to Hades or Maleficents for protection from their own parents, or just to have a place to go.

• Hades has tried to fight a teacher cause they gave Mal a bad grade on a report she did

• Mal once had to drag Harry to her house because he was to afraid to ask them how to put on eyeliner properly.

• Hades tried once to teach Carlos about dogs; it failed miserably thanks to Curella

• Evie practically lived at Mal’s place from the age of 10 to 16 cause her mother didn’t want to deal with her unless it involved makeup or marrying a prince

•Gil got kicked out of his house for a short while after he came out as Gay to his dad and went to Hades and Maleficent for a place to stay. Maleficent about beat the shit out of Gaston for it.

Yeah that’s all I got for the moment

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Hiiiii, congrats on the milestone!! I REALLY like your writing and I've been going through your works for some time, but it's my first time actually requesting SKSNKXAK I'm sorry if this sounds pushy or smth. If it's alright with you, can I request a platonic scenario with reader and Malleus where reader is aromantic/aroace and trying to explain to Malleus that just cuz they don't like him romantically doesn't mean they like him less. Like yk something like "I don't wanna kiss you or get married and have kids and live happily ever after, but that doesn't mean you're not the most important person in my life and I wouldn't do anything for you". This probably implies unrequited crush on Mal's side, but he gotta get over it yk yk. Once again CONGRATULATIONS you'll be celebrating 1000 followers before you know it!❤

🚫 NO Angst UNLESS it ends with fluff/comfort 

Unrequited crush falls under the category of angst, since one of the sides gets emotionally hurt. And I feel bad writing about Malleus getting hurt/sad by us (MC/Reader).

However, you didn't specifically ask for the unrequited crush. You asked for an aromantic/aroace reader. I happen to be on the asexual spectrum myself, but I'm not aromantic. So, I wondered in what scenario he would like you but not be hurt/sad by the news. And the idea that crossed my mind was: "What if he found himself also aromantic/aroace with your explanation?" So this is what I wrote. I hope I portrayed it well.

And thank you so much! 😊 I'm glad you like my writing, and I hope you keep enjoying it.

I hope you and all enjoy this one

CHARACTERS: Malleus Draconia

TAGS: GN Reader; Aromantic Reader

WORD COUNT: 560 words

You and Malleus are getting closer. And that starts to worry you. You need to tell him as soon as possible, before his feelings get too strong. You don't want to hurt him.

It's not you who finds him. It's never you who finds him. He is the one who comes to you, always. And that is what happens. You see him in front of the Ramshackle Dorm through your window. And he is smiling at you. You just hope you don't turn that smile on your sad face.

You get outside, and head over to him. He greets you with "Good night, Child of Man" and a smile. You greet him back and ask him what is he doing there? Another one of his nocturnal walks?

He confirms, and starts talking about the stars and how beautiful they are that night, making you look at them too.

You decide to start by checking if he likes you that way. “Tsunotarou, do you like me? You know... more than... a mere friend?”

He chuckles “Do you genuinely believe that I would aloud anyone call me by a name like Tsunotarou, if I dislike them? Everyone but you would suffer serious consequences if they ever addressed me in such a way. I hope this is enough to show how special you are.”

You take a deep breath “I need to tell you something.” And you explain in your own way that you really like him too. Just as you are special to him, he is special to you. But you won't be able to express it the same way as others express it. But that doesn't mean that your feelings for him are less strong than the feelings of others. You try to explain it to him as best you can.

Malleus looks pensive, hand on chin and staring at nothing. You worry about his silence. “I don't understand. I mean, I understand the concept you explained to me, but I don't understand why you felt the need to tell me this.”

You explain to him that these kinds of things should be said before the other person's feelings get too strong to hurt them. And the last thing you want is to hurt him.

He smiles. “I certainly appreciate it. But you have no need to worry about that. The truth is that what you just described is the same as I feel for you. I understand that others can show their affection in different ways. But I also don't feel the desire to demonstrate mine in the same way as others. Do people think that that makes our feelings less... valid, perhaps?”

You tell him yes, and try to explain that because most other people feel the need for these types of displays of affection, they come to believe that if you don't show them, then you don't really love them.

He goes back to looking pensive, and a little sad. He sighs “How troublesome. But fascinating. Looks like I truly still have a lot to learn. Perhaps even about myself.” he looks at you, smiling “Worry not, Child of Man. My deepest feelings are the same as yours. And if any being dares to insinuate that they are not strong enough” he raises his hand in that menacing way. “I'll show them how strong pain can feel.”

If you dropped in here out of the blue and want to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[lilisouless]

I try to respect people that don’t like the ending of ruin and rising, but it’s hard cause most of them tend to ignore factual things and fill in the information with their bias.

Cause other than Alina losing and missing her powers, also I don’t really like Leigh’s reasoning for it, but people say that it undoes her character development and, first: powers are a physical thing , they are not related to character.

The the other is “she is sick and lonely just like she was at the start of the book” at the start of the book she was not respected nor believed she was worthy of that, at the end she is loved by the people that know she is alive and respected by everyone else (the ones not on the anti grisha crowd). Also she felt unloved by people that weren’t Mal, at the end of the book the fact that the grisha still wanted her around after losing her powers pretty much made her realize she was loved for herself, not just as a weapon or a symbol.

I’ll let aside the sick part because i don’t recall her being told to be sickly, i assumed she was healthy since the reason of her being sickly not using her powers and she was told to work plenty.

The lonely makes me laugh because, first: in real life actually that’s pretty much how it works after you get married l you get your own place where most of the time you are around only with your partner, kids if you have, and coworkers, while your friends you see them not daily on a non regular schedule unless you live near them. Like, most people live with their partner, not their friends, that’s how marriage works.

But even then, she is far from lonely, not only Mal is there , Misha is too young to be leaving soon, she also spends time with the kids , in RoW they are not around because she didn’t want to endanger them. Also it is told that Nikolai and the grisha actually do visit her often and writes to Genya on a regular basis. She is hardly lonely.

Also people say the lonely argument on the same breath they complain about Mal being revived, when we’ll, he was revived so she wouldn’t end up lonely cause,unless Leigh says otherwise one day, i think she’d go back to fix the orphanage, regardless if Mal was brought back or not. Let me tell you that other author would have just killed Alina off, here she was given a chance to keep living away from the pain of the war. Cause the theme was never “powes rule!” it was how war destroys people, to the point even the people that scape it, like Alina and Mal, don’t get out unharmed, they lost something very dear to them and do their best to live with the aftermath. Also, by this point the darkling has been revived three freaking years after his killing on a ritual i still don’t understand, so you will have to get over Mal being revived by now.

Also, she doesn’t spend all her alone time being nostalgic about her powers, other than working she finds joy in painting. People only focus on the ending about Alina’s powers but not that she started doing maps for the army and ended up doing paintings for herself and the kids that once were like her.

Like, you can dislike it, but i haven’t seen arguments against it that don’t contradict the canon , if get if you don’t like it you won’t read it often or try to remember it. But you can double check if you are going to say why it’s a bad ending and then give reasons that contradict what’s actually told.

I have said many times that i wished she kept her powers, my problems with that are Leigh’s external reasoning (which I am very skeptical on ) but it’s far from bad writing or undoing her whole journey: she is one of the few characters allowed to somehow have the chance of getting back the childhood she lost (compared to Genya,Inej or Kaz). The good things she did are still there, the things she learned are still there, going back to where she started would be her on a place she holds no power and feels marginalized, where she ended up on a place she is in charge and loved.

[ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask]

Detention

“Psst.”

Serin ducked her head and ignored the sound, focusing on the essay she was typing instead. Sure, it wasn’t due for another week but… it never hurt to be prepared.

“Pssst.”

She glanced at the clock. Twenty more minutes until she could go. That was good - she had a lot of work to do still on the homecoming parade float. After that she wanted to get a jump on planning prom… Daisy and Ralph had given her some great ideas to work with and she wanted to try to get started on them before she ran out of time.

“Psssst.”

Her shoulders tensed in frustration, but she tried to ignore it. She ran through the checklist for the rest of the week. She had scholarship applications to submit, the homecoming dance to finalize, and she needed to find time to squeeze in marching band practice. On top of that she had a slew of college applications to finalize, but she needed to get a few more things on her resume first. Just to be sure. Then there was-

“Pssssst.”

She whipped in her chair to glare at the boy next to her. “Malcolm Geffen,” she seethed, her chest heaving with breaths labored by anger, “if you don’t quit doing that I’m going to strangle you.”

The boy beside her raised his eyebrows in mock surprise at her outburst. “Come on, love,” he goaded in his infuriatingly fascinating accent, “you know you’d miss me.” His grin was all ego, but the dimples in his cheeks still somehow managed to make it look adorable.

Serin rolled her eyes and turned back to her essay before she did something stupid, like let him talk more just to hear his voice. “I don’t have time for this,” she hissed. “I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you.”

Mal put his hand on his heart and leaned down to offer her his ridiculous puppy eyes, and Serin fought hard to tell herself that it wasn’t working this time. “I’m sorry,” he said penitently. “I didn’t ever think we’d get caught.”

Serin ground her teeth. It was a bad habit. Her sister Naomi - well, technically her stepsister, but their parents had married when they were 6 years old so they’d grown up together as siblings anyway - always got after her for it. But when you spend time with someone like Malcolm Geffen, indulging in bad habits is pretty much the name of the game.

“You didn’t think,” she repeated, whispering harshly. “That might be the truest thing you’ve ever said.”

Mal managed to look hurt, but it only lasted for a moment before his stupid, cocky, charming, infuriating grin was creeping back into place. “I was just trying to have some fun,” he defended himself. “Would it help if I told you that I didn’t realize that we aren’t technically allowed to play music over the school’s PA system?”

“No,” Serin answered immediately. “Because I know that’s a lie. And because when Principal Hood caught me trying to stop you he assumed I was in on it and put me in detention with you. You’re not getting off with some half–cooked excuse this time.” 

With one more glare she turned in her seat, refusing to acknowledge him again. When she noticed him open his mouth from the corner of her eye she tersely barked, “Don’t.”

Mal, for once, did the wise thing. He shut his mouth.

Several minutes passed between them in silence. From the corner of her eye Serin could see Mal actually working on something - maybe he’d gotten wise and decided to use this time for homework. She shook her head. Mal getting wise… like that could ever happen.

When the clock showed two minutes until the end of their hour-long detention, Serin packed her things into her bag. She caught Mal’s glance at her as she twisted in her seat… it was clear he wanted to say something. He looked shockingly repentant - even his spiky red hair looked somehow sad and deflated. She turned straight ahead. She didn’t much want to hear anything he had to say at the moment.

Just before she rose from her seat, she felt something brush against her knee. She glanced down to see Mal’s hand, holding out a piece of paper between his first two fingers. When she glanced at him she found him studying the far wall, probably hoping that if he didn’t look at her she’d be willing to take whatever it was he was offering her.

She brusquely snatched the object from his hand.

It was a piece of notebook paper, carefully folded into the shape of a heart. She rolled her eyes to try to disguise the excited thrill that ran down her spine. On one side of the paper were scrawled the words ‘Open me’ in Mal’s hasty handwriting. Serin chewed her lip for a moment, debating whether or not to actually indulge in this childishness. Finally her curiosity won out over her indignation.

She carefully unfolded the paper, keeping track of the lines in case she decided to fold it back into shape afterward. Inside the paper was just one word. It was neater than his usual handwriting, and she could see the outline of several erased previous attempts at writing it. Just one little word that somehow managed to set the stupid butterflies in her stomach all aflutter once more.

Sorry. In true corny fashion, he had drawn a tiny heart in place of the ‘o’.

Serin glanced over at him. His hands were on the desktop, twitching with nervous energy. He’d never been good at sitting still for very long - that was why he was always getting himself into trouble. On his left index finger was a ring. It was small, and silver, with a tiny heart symbol embedded in the side. It was far too narrow for his finger, resting well above his second knuckle. It was a perfect match for the ring that rested around the base of her own index finger.

She toyed with the silly bracelet on her wrist. It was black, and studded with spikes that looked like they came from a ‘90’s high school movie about a skateboarder. Mal had laughed when he gave it to her - told her that she needed something to offset her ‘goody two–shoes style.’

The girl groaned in frustration. She wanted to be mad at him still. She really did. But she wasn’t. When the vice principal Mrs. Parangosky released them, Mal bolted for the door. Serin took her time, apologizing once more as she left. Parangosky just nodded with a subtle smirk on her lips. Mal was waiting for her in the hall.

“I really am sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“You’re an idiot,” Serin answered. Then, she stood up on her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek.

His smile was back in an instant, warm and dimpled and adorable. Serin tried to ignore the dizzy feeling she got staring at it. “I’m your idiot,” he answered.

She laughed, then pushed hard enough on his chest to knock him back a step. “I have work to do,” she said dismissively. “I need to finish the homecoming float. You don’t get to distract me anymore.” Then she turned and headed for the front entrance.

In a moment Mal was beside her, sliding his hand into hers. “I’ll come with you,” he said with a grin. 

Serin ducked her head to hide the blush on her cheeks and entwined her fingers with his.

---

Based on this post from @makowrites and @mrtobenamedlater

[tillthereweretangents]

Paul and Icke (part 7 of N)

There are a couple more bonus moments coming soon, but, as far as the timeline goes, this is the end of the Paul and Icke saga.

As you'll read below, Icke and Paul saw each other one more time. Though, they're both still alive, so maybe that will change at some point in the near future.

It was almost twice, or more, but Icke was self conscious that Paul wouldn't remember him.

I myself had two more opportunities to meet Paul McCartney. The first time was in Scotland in 1988. I had long been married to Uta and she was pregnant with our first child. The car we had brought along was a Renault, a fairly long car, where we were transporting a canoe which wouldn’t fold, so it didn’t look very elegant. We had came to a town called Campbelltown, to meet our friend Mary who we had worked with at Amnesty international in Jagerberg . Mary remembered visiting us and seeing a picture of Paul, and told us that her mother had worked for him, at his estate which was not far from here. I said to Uta; ‘come on, let’s go and drive to see him’. But she did not want to go, so therefore I drove there alone. On the way, I had a rethink about what I was actually doing. The estate was guaranteed to be a tourist attraction for journalists and fans, so Paul would likely always have bodyguards on duty. If I were to arrive in my completely filthy Renault with a monster of a canoe on the roof, I wouldn’t stand a chance to get past the bodyguards. They would think that a lousy jerk was coming, who has no reason to be here. That I was once a friend of the famous Paul McCartney, they simply wouldn’t believe. The estate was quite a way away, but I stopped the car and really thought this through - should I carry on with this adventure, or would it be best to simply turn around and just go home. The humiliation that I could be turned around and sent away… I would never get over . For a while I fought with this, backward and forward, then I turned the car around and drove back at a snails pace. So the last opportunity where I met Paul was in 1991 at the world premiere of Get Back*, directed by Richard Lester. After the press conference, I met him and his wife Linda in a room at the back of the cinema. In the room with me was Astrid Kircherr, Ulf Kruger and Achim Reichel and his wife, who had won a place at this meeting in a competition. During our chat, I mentioned my adventure in Scotland. Even though it was embarrassing to talk about this in front of people, I told Paul that I had planned to visit him, and that I was fearful of the consequences, didn’t trust my courage enough and therefore turned around. He said, “Oh for Gods sake Icke, that’s such a shame. I would have found it amazing if you had actually visited me”. It sounded like he really meant it. I’m still angry at myself over this, sometimes I’m too much of a doofus for this world.

* Get Back (1991) is a concert film documenting Paul's world tour in 1989/1990

Original german

Ich selbst hatte noch zwei Gelegenheiten, Paul McCartney zu treffen. Das erste Mal in Schottland, im Jahr 1988. Ich war schon lange mit Jutta verheiratet und sie war schwanger mit Lena. Unser Auto war ein Renault R 18, ein ziemlich langes Auto, auf dem wir ein Faltboot transportierten, das sich nicht mehr falten ließ. Das sah nicht sehr elegant aus, aber in der Beziehung waren wir uneitel. Wir kamen in eine Stadt namens Campbelltown, wo wir Mary besuchen wollten. Mit ihr hatten wir in Lütjenburg bei Amnestie International zusammengearbeitet. Mary sagte, wir hatten mal eine Sitzung bei euch in Jägerberg, wo ich ein Foto von Paul McCartney gesehen habe. Meine Mutter arbeitet bei ihm, er wohnt nicht weit von hier auf einer riesigen Gutshof. - Ich sagte zu Jutta, komm, da fahren wir mal hin. - Aber sie hatte keine Lust, und deshalb setzte ich mich allein ins Auto. Unterwegs machte ich mir erst richtig klar, was ich da eigentlich vorhatte. Der Gutshof wurde unter Garantie von vielen Touristen, Journalisten und Fans heimgesucht, deshalb war zu erwarten, dass Paul einige Bodygards aufgestellt hatte. Wenn ich da in meinem total verdreckten Renault mit diesem Monstrum auf dem Dach auftauchen würde, hätte ich doch keine Chance, an den Bodygards vorbeizukommen. Die würden denken, da kommt ein verlauster Penner, der hat hier überhaupt nichts zu suchen. Dass ich mit dem berühmten Paul McCartney mal befreundet war, würden die mir niemals abnehmen. Der Gutshof war noch gar nicht zu sehen, da hielt ich schon an und überlegte, ob ich mich tatsächlich auf die Geschichte einlassen sollte. Oder ob es nicht besser war, einfach umzukehren. Die Demütigung, abgewiesen und wegge. schickt zu werden, würde ich nicht überleben. Eine Weile kämpfte ich noch mit mir, war ich hin- und hergerissen, dann wendete ich den Wagen und fuhr im Schneckentempo wieder zurück. Die letzte Gelegenheit, bei der ich Paul traf, war 1991 die erwähnte Weltpremiere des Films Get back von Richard Leister. Nach der Pressekonferenz traf ich mich mit ihm und seiner Frau Linda in einem Hinterzimmer des Hamburger Passage-Kinos. Mit dabei waren außerdem Astrid Kirchherr, Ulf Krüger, Achim Reichel sowie eine Frau, die das Treffen in einem Preisausschreiben gewonnen hatte. In unserem Gespräch kamen wir irgendwann auch auf das Erlebnis in Schottland zu sprechen. Obwohl es mir vor dieser Gesellschaft etwas peinlich war, erzählte ich Paul, wie ich geplant hatte, ihn auf seinem schottischen Gutshof zu besuchen, und dann aus Angst vor der eigenen Courage wieder umgekehrt war. Er sagte, Mensch Icke, das finde ich richtig schade, ich hätte es doch absolut toll gefunden, wenn du mich besucht hättest. Das klang so, als ob er es ehrlich meinte. Deshalb ärgerte ich mich jetzt nochmal über mich selbst. Manchmal bin ich einfach zu doof für die Welt.

Thanks as always to the wonderful @didwemeetsomewherebefore and her mum for the translation of Icke's autobiography.

[askauradonprep]

Poly Pirate Crew Timeline

I should not have been allowed to do this rewatch. I am back on my poly pirate crew bullshit and I'm about to drag a bunch of new followers down with me if I have my way. :P

SO.

About three months before D2 (and 3 months after D1) the crew first forms. They're described as 'hardened mercenaries' 'cutthroats' and 'a bunch of scoundrels' but also as kids who were deemed not worth very much by the Isle. There are bumps and bruises in getting some of them into teamwork but overall, things go really well. Uma quickly inspires confidence by doing things like diving into the sea to rescue Gil or waiting at the mouth of a collapsing cave to make sure her entire crew gets out.

Over that three month interval, the crew not only makes major territory grabs (including Mal's former territory) and even begins to be taken seriously by some of the adults. They also start hanging out and spending most of their time together, so when it comes to doing things like making out as stress relief or going to places together, it's usually with each other. At some point it occurs that they're all pretty much dating each other but they have bigger things to worry about so it's not that big of a deal.

Descendants 2 goes down, Uma's missing for a whole year. Harry takes over and manages to hold down the fort but the crew is a mess without Uma and he knows it. Even people who don't hang around the crew like Ginny Gothel notice how close knit the crew is and can no longer imagine Harry without them. Harriet notes that getting Harry a VK Day application is pointless because he won't leave without his crew. They also note he's been miserable without Uma.

Descendants 3 goes down, Uma returns! The crew is elated but only for a moment. Uma has to tell them the gut punching news that the barrier is going to stay closed forever and they're all going to die on the Isle. Rather than dwell on that, she focuses them on preparing to protect the Isle as supplies dwindle and chaos breaks out. Obviously this crisis is averted by Mal letting down the barrier and setting them all free.

The crew is in Auradon now! They take about a semester to get caught up on educational requirement differences and their 'we're REASONABLY certain they won't destroy Auradon' stamp of remedial goodness. They make things official and enjoy both running wild and having actual DATING moments. During this time, they find an abandoned villa in Auradon that they claim as theirs (by hiding it from everyone else with magic). Then they're officially free to pursue their own interests and they all....split. Everyone is on their own for about a year. Uma's happy for them chasing their dreams but also devastated to lose them. Well, after that year, Drey calls a meeting in a warehouse to see everybody. Harry reveals he's spent that time fixing up the Lost Revenge to be seaworthy and now they can go wherever they want and do whatever they want. The crew gets back together and sets sail for about a year and a half (totally not doing revolutionary things to stop certain escaped villains from hurting kids or bringing down places like the Isle, nooooo).

Uma is invited to be in charge when Mal, Jay, Evie and Ben go off to do some alliance building. She accepts and her crew accompanies her back. Most of them settle the villa and get their 'living on land' ducks in a row, but about six get Uma's office ready and help her out (yes this is from the Merlin verse but IDC, I like it, do it happens here too. :P)

Once Mal and Ben return, Uma's crew goes back to the water. They return periodically but for the most part, they are now full time pirates. After a while they start considering themselves PRETTY MUCH married. During one of these visits back, Drey gets pregnant with the crew's first kid born during the relationship (Valor being born before hand) at about age 26. This kicks off the start of lots of kids. Does this stop them adventuring, treasure hunting or pirating? Absolutely not.

There's a lot of details to fill in in between these but this is the general gist of how I imagine that relationship going.

[thebluestbluewords]

Jane’s Spring Lemon Cookies (aka the whisk incident) part 1/?

"Janey?" 

The counter is nice. The counter doesn't lose her favorite whisk, or scold her about how she's not taking enough public service hours this semester, or turn the heat on high in the classroom and make her feel like her brain is melting. 

"The world is an uncaring, awful place," Jane says, instead of just opening her mouth and screaming like she sort of wants to. "And I lost my favorite whisk."

Lonnie's high heeled boots click over the blue tile floor that Jane picked out for their kitchen. "I might know something about the whisk, actually. If that would help." 

Jane turns her head to the side so that her cheek rests on the cool surface of the counter, instead of her forehead. It's more comfortable for her nose this way. Her regular, plain-Jane nose that she never did convince Mal to fix, back when she was all insecure and shy at Auradon Prep. 

She doesn't regret that, but it would be a little bit nice if her nose was smaller. She could mash her whole face into the stone countertop at once if she had a flat nose. Like a snake. All flat, just nostrils sticking out of a little bump. 

"It wouldn't," Jane sighs, and then sighs again when Lonnie rests a hand on the crown of her head. "But thank you. I appreciate it anyway." 

Lonnie's nails are short now, because she's got to keep them short for her position on the fencing team, but she scratches gently at Jane's head anyway, and the warm pressure of her fingertips feels good on Jane's overheated scalp. It's not fair that they're getting hot days in March now. She's supposed to have another month of cool weather before she starts breaking out the enchanted headbands to keep herself cool. It's not fair, being a half-winter fairy and choosing to live in Auradon City, where every month feels like it's temperate and beautiful at least half the time, even the days where there's pretty snowflakes floating down over their city, and Jane can almost feel phantom icicle wings fluttering against her back. 

"Aww, Janey, it's alright," her beloved girlfriend, bringer of warm fingers and tension-relieving head scratches says. "You're gonna be okay." 

"I wish--" Jane starts, and then has to cut herself off to sigh again, because wishing is exactly the problem. "My mom is asking me when I'm going to start doing Fairy Godmother work with her again, and I wish I could tell her that I don't want to do godmothering, but every time I visit her office she looks so happy to see me there in this stupid uniform and I feel like I'll be an awful person if I let her down."

Lonnie doesn't say anything for a long moment, but she's still scratching the headache out of Jane's skull, so that's nice. 

"Do you want to call my mom?" 

"Your mom?" 

"Yeah," Jane can't see her girlfriend from the angle she's smooshed against the table at, but she can picture the way that Lonnie shrugs when she's thinking through an idea. "My mom's good at talking through stuff. She's been through the whole thing with disappointing your parents already, so maybe she can give you some advice." 

"Would she really talk to me?" 

Lonnie stops scratching. "Janey," she says, reproachfully. 

Jane's cheeks flare horribly red. "I just-- I don't--" 

"Janey, my mom thinks you're the best girlfriend I've ever had, and she literally loves talking to you. If you make those lemon cookies that she likes, I'm pretty sure she'll ask you to marry her before I even get the chance." 

[coraclavia]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by the inestimable @mylittleredgirl. I could be doing Actual Things, but nah. This.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 112

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 338,559

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly: Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek Voyager, Stargate SG-1, and recently added X-Files. I have also written a handful of things for The Rookie, I once wrote a gazillion things for Castle and Bones, and I've written for Due South, Cupid, Agent Carter, etc. It's a crazy quilt of "they're pretty; they should kiss."

[I also admit, shamefully, that I wrote 26 fics for Brad/Claire back in the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen days. They were posted under my other pen name, badtemperedchocolate.]

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

dark switch (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; a re-imagining of what might have happened once Jack returned from Edora)

Five Times Sam Gets Married (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; exactly what it says on the tin)

Guest Lecture (Star Trek Voyager, J/C; Kathryn delivers a lecture at Starfleet Academy after their return home)

Acquired Taste (The Rookie, Chenford; 5+1 in the form of a bakery AU)

here's a dumb idea (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; "what if they had to kiss")

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to. Sometimes I'm slow, sometimes I miss one, but I try to respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. I don't do a lot of sad stuff, I guess? I guess I see the end of fall in place as angsty, just because it's in line with the real end of the season (John and Monica are on the run, with everything they had now long gone).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhhhh. Maybe The Woman in the Snow? "And then I fixed it and they got to be happy, finally, unlike canon. The end."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Many moons ago, I got some rude comments on Castle fic, but that was a long time back, and it wasn't bad. So not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have, but I rarely do anymore. For me it has to be part of a larger romance; I really can't do pwp. I much prefer a tasteful fade-to-black which means I don't have to keep calculating bare skin and body parts 😂

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not often, but I did write one: Stolen Sky, a Castle/Firefly crossover. iirc, it was the first, or maybe one of the first, Mal/Kate stories? It did pretty well, and it was funny reading comments that said "I only watched one of these shows, and this fic convinced me to watch the other one, too." It was originally posted on ffnet; I have since transferred it to AO3.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Only once that I know of. It was a (not very good) (since deleted) Bones fic that got stolen in its entirety; all the thief did was change character names. I reported it, and it was taken down.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

I have! It was very flattering.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I co-wrote Castle fics with chezchuckles, Cartographicals, sandianecarter, and shimmeryshine back in the day. It was a DELIGHT. I would love to do it again!! (looking at you, @mylittleredgirl 😜)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I honestly don't know if I could pick just one. John/Elizabeth from Stargate Atlantis, Janeway/Chakotay from Voyager, John/Monica from X-Files, and Castle/Beckett are all up there. It rotates based on what I'm watching at any given time.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have this wonderful giant Voyager "missed connection" fic in my brain, where KJ and Chakotay belatedly realize they met at the Academy and fell a little bit in love in just one silly, lighthearted, adventurous evening of running around San Francisco together. I have a very long, detailed outline for it; we'll see if I ever tackle it for real.

16. What are your writing strengths?

@mylittleredgirl would say fluff, and I don't disagree. I love characters bantering, I love teasing, I love when they're kind and heartfelt to each other. I think I'm good at little moments like that.

UPDATE: LR has reported that my strength is, in fact, "FEELINGS."

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I do not enjoy writing smut; sometimes it's good for the story, but I do not like writing it and I don't think I'm particularly good at it. I have trouble fleshing a thing out from first idea to polished product. Physical accounts of action baffle me sometimes. Also, I often find it hard to come up with convincing conflict. I'm fluffy at heart, I guess.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It can be effective, I guess? But there's usually a way around it if necessary. I haven't really had to deal with it, so I don't have strong feelings about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh shit, I think this was Numb3rs. It was a really fun crime show on CBS featuring a mathematician who did Big Complicated Math to help the FBI solve crimes. I wrote a bunch of fics for it, they were all absolutely terrible, and yes, I have long since deleted them.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Letters From War, a Voyager fic where KJ and Chakotay keep in correspondence with each other through the Dominion War. It's the sequel to By Firelight, but took a long, long time to put together, and once a few conversations and ideas clicked into place, it felt like it all came together. I was happy with how it turned out.

--

Thanks for the tag, Little Red! I am tagging @cfr749, @captaincarriekathryncoffee, and @neverenough37 (apologies if y'all have already done this and I missed it).

[agena87]

New headcanon/universe drop: Jacques Villareal remarried (he's too hot to stay single, OK?), and his second wife is no other than Mallory Landgraab. And they even have a son together, Theo!

Luna was NOT happy when she discovered that her (now ex) best friend was dating her father, and even less when Lory got pregnant and Jacques proposed. Nancy, predictably, disowned her daughter (for "treason to the family name"). Which in turn meant that Geoffrey finally had enough and filled for divorce (he could bear with his wife cheating on him for all the duration of their relationship, and even the fact that some of his children weren't actually his, but the way she treated the kids? No more.). Malcolm couldn't care less, as long as his twin was happy, she could marry a hay bale and he wouldn't flinch. Johnny threw a "Happy disownment" party for his sister and made her promise that if Jacques ever hurt her in any way, that she would tell him; Don had some cousins who could help make the problem disappear (he said he was joking, but who knows?). Hugo didn't care either; their father was happy once again, it was all that mattered. Max started calling Mallory "the Trophy"; name that Luna adopted too, now that her friendship with Lory was definitively ruined. Max, though, doesn't actually mind Lory, she's just a little brat (I mean, she's Max, so: duh!). As for Olivia and Teresa (Johnny, Mal, and Lory's younger sisters), they were too young at the time to really understand the age gap, and all that they cared about was if the baby would be a girl or a boy (they were a bit disappointed when they learned they would have a nephew, and not a niece, but they still adore the little boy - and anyway, about a year or two later, they got the niece they wanted, Joy).

Fun fact, Lory is quite taller than Jacques (at least 10 centimetres, maybe even 15); and that's without heels. Lory & Mal both inherited their tall frame from their mother.

[swordshapedleaves]

Once Again! It's Time for Sword's Pre-Season Anime Opinions No One Asked For!

I have read the synopsis, watched at least one trailer, and looked at the studio and director for all 33 new anime coming out in January 2025, as listed on MAL. Under a cut because I love my followers who don't give a shit about anime and anyone browsing the tags.

The only grading system I use is my personal enthusiasm. I have both good and trash taste, as do we all. My nope is someone else's hell yeah! and that's great. I sort by premiere date.

Jan 2 Ameku M.D.: Doctor Detective Looks like if House MD were a cute anime girl. Project No. 9 did Sempai wa Otokonoko and My Tiny Sempai. Director Iwata Kazuya aslo directed 7th Time Loop. Sure Momentary Lily Combination moe cooking show/post apocalyptic mechanical kaiju battle anime? The Itano Circus is in town. Studio GoHands seems to have gotten their camerawork under control. This is just a little unsettling instead of unwatchable. Three directors listed. Sure

Jan 3 I'm Getting Married to a Girl I Hate in My Class Bold of you to start your harem anime with the protag already married to the tsundere. Studio Gokumi has made many a moe blob, and also Vending Machine Isekai. Looks like this is Ooshima Hiroyuki's directorial debut at a full series level. nope

Jan 4 Sorairo Utility More moe slice of life than a sports anime, but I now have three nickels. Why girl golf specifically, Japan? Director Saitou Kengo has mostly done key animations and art direction for individual episodes but directed the single episode special this anime is based on. Yostar Pictures is best know for Azur Lane and Arknights but I haven't seen either. nope Beheneko: The Elf-Girl's Cat is Secretly an S-Ranked Monster! It seems 'girl with big tits has a special relationship with a guy who has been turned into an animal' is becoming its own genre. Zero-G did Mysterious Disappearances but mostly does bland-looking titty shows. Saber Works is the new name for Digital Networks Animation, which made that bland ass show about teaching the disgraced noble naughtiness. Given how bad it looks, if it's actually raunchy enough to be entertaining I'd be too embarrassed to ask my anime fixer to get it for us. nope

Jan 5 I Want to Escape from Princess Lessons Damn just let her go if she wants out that bad. The love interest looks like the poor man's Howl Jenkins. EMT Squared has never made anything I saw as worth watching. Director and character designer Tagashira Shinobu also directed Diabolik Lovers and some Junji Itou ONAs. nope I'm Living with an Otaku NEET Kunoichi!? Looks to be a harem anime where the main girl is a NEET and also a magical girl? It looks bad. Could be cute if it was cuter. Studio Quad also made that ecchi anime about the boy who gets turned into his classmate's pet dog. Director Saitou Hisashi has director and storyboard credits going back almost 20 years but not on anything I've seen. nope ZENSHU An anime about a struggling animator sounds a lot like a novel about a struggling novelist… But this is an isekai that looks like it might actually be good? She falls into the world of the tragic movie that made her fall in love with animation. And maybe she can save the prince destined to die in the original version? It's MAPPA so you knoe those animators are sweating blood to make this look good. Director and original creator Yamazaki Mitsue also directed Monthly Girls Nozaki-kun and has directed/storyboarded a lot of EDs and OPs. Hell yeah Medalist This figure skating anime could potentially be very heartwarming. I was suspicious of a Bunny Drop but I've been assured by a trusted friend the manga stays wholesome and is worth reading. ENGI is the same studio that ruined Unnamed Memory with pacing so rushed it made the story incoherent. Director Yamamoto Yasutaka has directed several shows already but nothing I've seen. nope Okitsura I think this might be racist against Okinawans? The voice actress Kitou Akari is noticeably stilted in the dialect. I've heard her in other roles where she is not. Millepensee did Spider So What?, Berserk 2016, and a bunch of moe blob shows I've never heard of. Has two directors listed. Itagaki, Shin has directed a bunch of stuff from Lillepensee, and Tanabe Shingo is listed as Director or Assistant Director on a bunch of those same shows so it seems they like working together. I ship it. nope

Jan 6 Can You Keep a Secret? Barely looks animated but the premise of two coworkers keeping their relationship secret is very appealing. Adults who aren't stuck in will they/won't they until the last episode? It might be worth the low quality animation! Blade made Hokkaido Gals and a bunch of other bland looking titty anime. Director Takeichi Naoko has directed single episodes of Re:Zero and JoJo Part Six, along with another titty anime by Blade. sure Headhunted to Another World: From Salaryman to Big Four! Another cheap isekai. Made by two studios, which is rarely a good sign. Geek Toys did MigiDali and Dead Mount Death Play. CompTown also worked on MigiDali, and that's it. This is its second anime. Director Fukuda Michio has a few director credits already but nothing I've seen. nope Promise of Wizard This is some sort of reverse harem gacha game sourced thing. The premise is so fun! Help wizards fight the moon! And it's being used to sell you gambling for the most regurgitated boybots you can find. LIDENFILMS has made some charming favorites of mine like Call of the Night and Tonari no Youkai-San. MAL says director Tatsuwa Naoyuki also directed Nisekoi??? nope Jan 7 Bogus Skill <> ~About that time I became able to eat unlimited numbers of Skill Fruits (that kill you)~ With a title like that who needs to watch the anime? Never seen anything by Asahi Production, only recognize a b-tier slice of life my anime fixer liked. Director Kimura Ryuuichi has several directing credits but nothing that looks particularly good. nope Medaka Kuroiwa is Impervious to My Charms The premise is fine and the art seems cute, but I couldn't maintain interest through the trailer. The other two anime I've seen by SynergySP also failed to keep my interest through their short twelve episode runtimes. Director Okumura, Yoshiaki seems to have directed several unremarkable projects before this. maybe I'm a Noble on the Brink of Ruin, So I Might as Well Try Mastering Magic I hate titles like this. The animation is trash. Studio DEEN should stick to boys love and whatever genre Yakuza Fiance is. Marvy Jack can carry on though I guess. Director Ishikura, Kenichi seems to have worked on a bunch of bland moe and isekai projects. nope Jan 8 Flower and Asura Ooh. Maybe it's all the trash I just slogged through, but the animation is very charming and actual animation! The premise is fine, small town girl joins a new school club and makes friends, but do I detect a hint of yuri? Wait. Studio Bind also did Mushoku Tensei and Onimai! Director Uwano, Ayumu did storyboards for both but this looks to be their series directorial debut. hell yeah! Possibly the Greatest Alchemist of All Time Another garbage isekai. Never seen anything by Studio Comet. Director Kuzuya Naoyuki also directed Okashi na Tensei, which I dropped because it wasn't good. nope Twilight Hotel A little girl in a ghost hotel solving mysteries of how she and the other guests died? What a delightful premise! Animation is minimal but the story is charming. PRA also did Yuru Yuri and Highschool DxD. Director Kuremizu Kousuke has worked on episodes of Skip and Loafer and Odd Taxi but their only series directorial credit, Irodorimidori, does not look good. hell yeah!

Jan 9 Magic Maker: How to Make Magic in Another World Another Kusokai, but you might be able to pretend the protag is a girl and therefore trans. Studio Deen please make some garbage I actually like! Koga Kazuomi is an experienced series director. He did currently airring All-Guys Mixer and Kubo… Invisible. nope The Daily Life of a Middle-Aged Online Shopper in Another World I genuinely appreciate how unattractive they made their protagonist in this one. He has an interesting face! Still not gonna watch it though. I haven't seen any of the half dozen shows East Fish Studio has made but I appreciate their logo. Director Yuuzumi Keiei has some series directorial credits from about a decade ago, but lately seems to have mostly done storyboarding for shows I don't watch. nope Even Given the Worthless “Appraiser” Class, I’m Actually the Strongest Trash Isekai. Okuruto Noboru also made that gross looking Angel Apartment anime a couple seasons back. Oh and the had the same director, Oonishi Kenta. nope Honey Lemon Soda An opposites attract high school romance with a plain shy girl and a flashy guy. The animation looks good in the trailer but with JC Staff it will never go above A-tier. Director Nishikiori Hiroshi also directed Delico's Nursery, which I dropped due to misophonia. I really wanted to like it but those crying babies got me. Did storyboards for a bunch of good anime too, including Dan Da Dan and Dungeon Meshi. sure

Jan 10 Farmagia Based on a game, this looks both boring and exclusively for young children. Bridge hasn't made anything I've even heard of, let alone seen. Director Ishihira Shinji also directed a couple of BL I liked among other things. nope From Bureaucrat to Villainess: Dad's Been Reincarnated! Title says it all! This looks so up my alley! Ajia-do is the studio behind A Sign of Affection and Ascendance of a Bookworm. Director Takeuchi Tetsuya did a lot of key animation and episode direction on Tengoku Daimakyo (not ep 12) and did key animation on single episodes of Dungeon Meshi and JJK. hell yeah Welcome to Japan, Ms. Elf! This reverse isekai looks cute. I'm surprised Zero-G is putting out two anime in the same season. Director Kitahata Tooru has a lot of directorial credits under their name but nothing I've watched. maybe Anyway, I'm Falling in Love with You. This high school romance looks like someone left it out to fade in the sun, but I don't hate it. My partner is a sucker for friends to lovers so I don't think we'll skip this one. Typhoon Graphics is also behind the disappointing Raeliana and the alledgedly quite good Dahlia in Bloom. Director Yamamoto Junichi also directed Raeliana among other series and a bunch of OPs and EDs. Maybe he'll stick the landing this time. sure

Jan 11 I May Be a Guild Receptionist, but I'll Solo Any Boss to Clock Out on Time A workplace comedy set in a generic MMO inspired fantasy sounds fun. Plus it's being made by Cloverworks, who made too many gems to list but Elusive Samurai and Spy x Family seem relevant here. Director Nagasawa Tsuyoshi has directed several series before this one, but nothing I've seen. sure Sakamoto Days Action comedy with a fat old man protagonist that looks great? Sign me up! I've heard the manga for this one is excellent as well, and the sequel is already set to air in summer or fall of 2025. TMS Entertainment produced Undead Unluck and is the studio behind the Fruits Basket remake. Director Watanabe Masaki has directed a bunch of action series I haven't seen but he has an honest face so i trust him. hell yeah Ubel Blatt It's listed as ecchi but all three trailers are way more focused on combat and blood than sex. Could have been a good revenge fantasy if it actually looked good instead of just servicable. Satelight is the studio behind Helck and Cherry Magic. Staple Entertainment is a relatively new studio with just half a dozen titles that all seem to be fantasy and/or ecchi titles. Director Naoya Takashi seems to have a bunch of experience directing shows of this nature. maybe Babanbabanban Vampire It's trash, but it's BL Vampire trash and therefore made specifically for me. I personally haven't seen anything by Gaina before but I vaguely recall hearing good things about Forest Piano. Director Kawasaki Itsurou has a bunch of direction credits to his name but nothing I've seen. hell yeah

Jan 12 The Red Ranger Becomes an Adventurer in Another World The premise of a sentai in a fantasy setting is fun but the show looks a little too kids stuff and mid for me personally to watch it. nope I Left My A-Rank Party to Help My Former Students Reach the Dungeon Depths! If Akashic Records left you feeling like it was too well animated and didn't have enough wish-fulfillment, this anime looks to be for you. Bandai Namco Pictures also did Wistoria. Director Ono Katsumi also directed that youkai school anime from fall 24 and several other shows I haven't heard of. nope