#Maca writes

[macabrecabra]

And another chapter, as per the writing schedule I’m keeping to this month in order to finish some fanfic stories up! 

[macawritesupdates]

New Side Blog, Who Dis?

Hello everyone!

I've been wanting to make a side blog for my fanfiction writing and just keeping my art blog and writing separate! (For my sanity sake lol)

I will use this blog to give updates on fanfic statuses, make polls for new fanfic ideas to start working on, and answering any questions about my fics!

The following tags are used on this blog: Maca Writes: Just general talking and the like Maca Updates: Letting people know weekly where their favorite fics sit in terms of writing! Maca Answers Questions: When I answer questions about fics or updates!

[outofgloom]

VUATA

"The…the ship," the Vo-Matoran gasped, dragging herself up onto the rocks.

She collapsed, mask down. Waves crashed against the jagged shoreline. A few remnants of shattered debris drifted in and out with the foam.

"Are you injured?" a voice called. The Vo-Matoran looked up to see one of the Ga-Matoran standing over her. She stooped and pulled seaweed from the Vo-Matoran's mask.

"I am whole," the Vo replied slowly. "But the ship…"

"The ship is gone," the Ga said, helping the Vo to her feet. "Come further up, away from the water. The sea is still dangerous."

The other Matoran were gathered in a low flat place in the center of the island. Low thunder carried on the breeze.

"I have found another," the Ga called out as they approached.

"This is good," the Fe replied. "We are six now."

"A good number," said the Ko. "More fortunate, given our plight."

"We must make another search, on the next cycle," the other Ga said. "But now that we are six…"

"We must take council," said the Onu. "Yes, it is time."

They drew the Amaja Circle in the gravel, and each Matoran took up their place on its margin.

The Ko cast a pale stone into the center of the circle. "We must devise a plan to escape," he said. "We will be needed at our destination."

"How?" the Fe ventured, pushing forward his ruddy stone. "The ship is destroyed, and we cannot rebuild it now. We have no materials…"

"I believe," the Onu said, "that we must stay put, for now."

"Survive here?" the Ko asked. "For how long?"

"Until we are rescued," the Vo said, setting down a quartz stone.

"No–until we can create a new vessel," the Fe countered.

"It would be a great undertaking," the Onu said, musing. "The seas here are treacherous."

"Too great an undertaking for us," the Vo said. "Surely--we are only six, and we have no Turaga."

"Not too great," one of the Ga chimed in. "We are builders, after all–each of us, in our own way."

"But how--"

"--We must rely on the Rule in Absence," the Ga finished.

"It is true," said the second Ga, the one who had found the Vo by the shore. "We have all that we need here."

"Agreed," said the Onu.

"The island is desolate," said the Ko, "barely a mound of rocks. And see how the smoke of the eruption obscures the sky? The stars are closed to me."

"For now," the first Ga replied. "Until then, the Rule in Absence shall guide us."

The Ko did not reply. He removed his stone from the circle.

They cast the sixfold lot, as the Rule required. The first Ga who had spoken was chosen as Elder. Now she was no longer Ga, but Raga.

A light snow of ash began to fall.

======

They scavenged the margins of the island for the first few days, gathering the remnants of their wrecked ship. The Ga and Raga attempted to swim out to the reef, but found that the ocean was still too heated to endure. The horizon was a mass of steam, and the ash fell steadily, coating both land and sea in gray.

Three masks washed ashore--those of the two Ta and the Po. The Fe examined them and found them to be undamaged.

"It is likely," the Ko said, "that the bodies have gone unto Mata already. They have no need of these anymore."

The masks were stored in the makeshift Suva that the Onu had piled up--they were precious. A hut of driftwood was soon erected nearby, and the Matoran rested there in shifts, out of the wind and the falling ash.

One evening, they drew out the Amaja once more and assembled around it:

"The next task is for you," said the Elder, pointing to the Vo. "We have made shelter, and the Suva is finished for now. What remains is…the Vuata."

"I…I have not studied the formation of Vuata, Elder," the Vo said. "Only tended to it and its power-flow."

"You are Vo, are you not?"

"I am."

"And we are without Bo-Matoran here, who might be capable of the cultivation by proxy. So, the Duty falls to you."

"I see, yes. But…it is…I am--"

"--I have studied this knowledge, Elder," the other Ga said, putting her stone into the Amaja, alongside the Vo's quartz. "I have also studied much of the knowledge of flora. Perhaps I can--"

The Elder raised a hand, shaking her head.

"No, according to the Rule in Absence, each Matoran shall perform the Duty of their building and design. No other."

The Ga nodded slowly, removing her stone from the circle.

"You shall begin tomorrow."

The Vo stared off at the murky horizon.

"I will."

In the morning, the Vo, Ga, and Fe went down to the shoreline. The Fe carried a special vessel he had shaped from scrap metal. The upper portion of the vessel was filled with a layer of protodermic ash, and below that was a small opening covered in fine mesh.

They filled the vessel with seawater, letting the liquid protodermis filter through the ash into the lower container. After repeating the process many times over, the Ga judged that the water was sufficiently purified. She turned to the Vo, who sat a short distance away, meditating.

"It's ready," the Ga said. "Have you meditated on the process?"

"I…I have," said the Vo, opening her eyes. "I believe I am centered."

"Good, you most only remember: sharp and deep is the action. Once should be enough."

"And it will…will it…hurt?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

"I've heard that the mechanisms are quite complex, and, um, fascinating," the Fe said, fidgeting.

He offered the vessel, to which he had affixed a spigot.

"Thank you."

"It is time," said the Ga. "We will be right here with you."

The Vo took the vessel and exhaled slowly. Then, she raised it to the aperture of her mask, and inhaled.

Sharp and deep, she inhaled the purified liquid protodermis--did not swallow it, but aspirated it sharply into her Vo-Matoran lungs, which were made differently from other Matoran.

It hurt. She dropped the vessel, doubled over. The Ga moved to steady her. The pain burned deep in her chest, but she held on, did not exhale. It was her Duty. She focused, as the Ga had told her, and the burning centered itself down, down into her core. Her heartlight beat rapidly, more rapidly each minute. At last, she looked up. The Ga and Fe helped her to stand, and they made their way back to the encampment.

The Onu had cleared a space, turning up the rocky ground and plowing gray ash into it. The Elder came out of the hut, followed by the Ko, as the three Matoran approached. The Vo stepped forward, arms spread. Her heartlight glowed bright in her chest, and the Elder nodded approvingly.

"Come. Here is the place."

The Vo stepped forward into the empty space, and the Onu patted the tilled ground. She knelt in the earth.

A whining, whirring noise began to rise on the air--a mechanical sound, like that of an engine powering up. It hurt.

The Vo looked back over her shoulder, eyes wandering, until they fell on the Ga.

"I-I..." she stammered, jaw clenched, "I am...afraid."

"It is almost done," said the Elder.

The whining noise increased.

"We will be here with you," said the Ga, quietly.

"You will not be alone."

The noise reached a crescendo. The Vo doubled over once more, and heaved. A bright spark of something issued from her mouth and went down, down into the ground.

Her eyes and heartlight winked out. The body fell heavily to the earth.

=====

It was a red evening, as the stars burned into night over the sea. The fog and smoke on the horizon had cleared in recent months--enough now to glimpse the husk of the volcanic island which had been the cause of their shipwreck, a low smudge against the sky.

They could not reach it, of course. The waves broke sharply against submerged reefs all around, and the ocean still boiled angrily in some places. Somewhere out there was the wreck of the Fe's skiff, and the Fe along with it. Only his mask had returned to them, as with the others. That was how they had decided that long-term survival was their only option--even the Ko had agreed.

The Ga had descended to ground-level less than an hour ago, as was her habit before the night set in. She passed the Onu on her way down to the ladder; he was always more comfortable closer to the earth.

She made a brief search of the shoreline. Sometimes debris still washed in, although collecting driftwood was much less vital to them now. She checked for erosion on the eastern point of the shore, and made a note to tell the Onu that it had progressed a small amount. He probably already knew.

After that, she waded into the surf and hauled in one of the cage-traps, retrieving its catch of small Rahi crabs, endemic to the area and useful for their shells and sharp claws. She hung the catch upon a rack further up the rocky shore, noting also that the trap would needed to be mended. Good practice for the Ko, maybe, now that the stars had become visible consistently and he had calmed himself. She verified the tideline again, judging that the tide was near its lowest point by now, and replaced the marker stones. The tidal range was of the variable kind in this region of the world, and had to be monitored carefully. So many things to monitor, to keep track of. But they all did their part: it was a matter of survival.

Next, she turned her attention to the Tree.

The Tree rose from the center of the island, straight as a pillar. Its roots covered much of the ground now, burrowing deep into the earth, and its canopy now shaded nearly the entirety of the island's landmass. It had grown quickly in its early days, and its roots were mature enough now even to drink the unpurified seawater.

She made her way along the narrow pathway that ringed the Tree's base. The path was a natural formation, allowing access to the various apertures and ports that issued from the trunk. There were even natural handholds in the metalwood of the tree's surface where the roots emerged and one was obliged to climb over. This was the nature of Vuata. Like many other forms of plantlife across the world, it was made to serve a particular purpose. The Tree was their livelihood--the producer of all the things needed for the continuing of their labors.

At last, the Ga stood before the great aperture which led down into the Tree's Karda, the core which produced energy for the Tree's growth, and which provided vital sustenance to the Matoran, when needed, as well as power for whatever mechanisms they built.

The Karda was the heart of their island now. It glowed blue-green, pulsing gently. She made sure to keep the area free of debris, clean and orderly, as much as she could.

It was not technically her Duty, but it was right.

They had buried the body of the Vo there, in the same earth, after...afterward. The body would not go unto Mata, the Raga had said, for there was no fatal malfunction, only a...transferal. A change in life-functions. That was what the Raga had called it. Even so, she liked to come to this place when she could. She had made a promise, after all, that the Vo would not be alone.

Night had fallen. The Ga returned to the sturdy rope ladder which hung down the trunk of the Tree. Her tasks were done, and they would all be turning in the for the night soon. All except the Ko, who usually rested during the daylight so that he could star-gaze at night...

The great ripple that moved through the world almost didn't register to her senses as she climbed, except for a subtle pause in the movement of the waves below. It was accompanied by a noise: a slow distant rushing.

The Onu--sensitive to the slightest of world-movements--was already calling out a loud warning from the branches of the Tree above by the time she realized what was happening, and that the dull roar that had sprung up in her ears was not wind, but water.

The tsunami struck the island and washed over it with fury. Liquid fire sprouted along the horizon as the distant volcanic island was ripped apart by a second eruption. Flaming rock hissed into the sea, and the stars were once again blotted out by smoke.

Somehow, her grip on the rope-ladder did not fail. She twisted and whipped round in the surging water, and the heat made her cry out involuntarily. Then she struck hard and felt the yielding wood of the Tree against her body.

She heaved upward with a wrenched arm and grabbed another handhold on the ladder, then realized that she was moving upward. Her eyes cleared for a moment, and she saw the other Matoran hauling frantically on the ladder, dragging her up out of the raging maelstrom. The Tree swayed, and the Ko nearly fell from his perch. She was out of the water.

She looked down, and with a shock she realized that the island was gone, completely submerged.

"We almost have you!" the Raga said, heaving on the rope.

She bounced off the trunk again, and heard the Tree groan with the strain of the waters. Then hands were on her, dragging her up and into the safety of the lowest branches, which grew in the shape of a platform.

"Are you injured?" asked the Ko, "I see...Your shoulder is damaged. I shall endeavor to--"

"It is not finished!" said the Raga, pointing into the distance.

"Hold fast," said the Onu, gripping them both with his large hands.

Another vast wave bulged up from the horizon and smashed against the Tree. They all heard it, felt the pain of it. The world was all red and black now, as the volcano flared up.

The Ga struggled to her feet with an effort and looked downward toward the base of the Tree. The Karda. Through the rising steam she could see it: the core was still submerged. Its light flickered beneath the waves. The Karda shall drown, she thought.

If it died, so would they, soon enough, and it would all be for nothing.

"The Vuata!" the Ga cried, pointing. "It is in danger!"

The Tree shuddered again.

"Its roots are deep," said the Onu. "But I am unsure."

"I did not foresee this," said the Ko miserably. His precious stars had been wiped away once more.

The Raga stared for a moment, down at the heart of the Tree, which she had commanded to be planted.

"I shall do it," she said slowly. "It falls to me. The Rule in Absence states that--"

The Ga had already dived from the branches, straight down into the crashing waves, where the Karda glowed blue-green and beat, beat like a heartlight, down into the place where vast energies pulsed against the onslaught of the elements, down amongst the roots of the Tree, where the Vo had been buried with her mask. The Ga fell into that place, and swam strongly, despite her injury, and pushed through...

And in those final moments, before her own core reinforced the Karda of the Tree with new energy, there was a little fear, but not much.

===

A Nui-Kahu flew through the high atmosphere, wheeling above the ocean. Below, a mess of islands spread across the surface of the silver sea, and the Toa of Earth that clung nauseously to the bird's back noted that they were clearly the result of past volcanic activity.

At the center of the ragged archipelago, a low cone was still visible above the waves. According to the Toa's briefing, this volcano had been disrupting the marginal sea-routes for many years, but only now had the Lord of the Continent seen fit to dispatch someone. Unfortunately, that someone was him.

The Rahi bird descended mercifully to the blackened shoreline, and the Toa slid off with relief. He stamped his feet a few times in the dirt to reassure himself and calm his motion-sickness. The Kahu squawked and looked at him disdainfully, flicking mud from its wings.

"Stay put, please," he clicked in the bird's language. "This shouldn't take too long."

The crater itself was only a short hike and a scramble up the irregular slope, but even before he had reached the scorched rim and looked down, he'd begun to suspect that his intel was a bit outdated. Although it had clearly been a very lively firespout in the past, the volcano was now quite dead. Not even a wisp of smoke rose from the blasted core below. The wind was dry and ashy in his mouth. He scratched his mask. Had this trip been for nothing, after all?

Reaching out with his elemental powers, he scried downwards into the depths, feeling out the placement of the earth, its layers stacked one atop the other, sensing out the places where it was cold and hard...and where it was hot, made pliable by the magmatic flows that crisscrossed the underside of the world.

There was nothing here. No heat. No pressure. Strange.

He shrugged and turned to go back down the slope. It would be a short mission report for his superiors in Metru Prynak after all...

Something caught his eye, off to the right, where the distant shoreline curved into a small bay. A shape stood out against the gray stone. In his Matoran days, the Toa had been a historian of sorts, although nothing so grand as the Archivists of the City of Legends. It wasn't really on his list of directives, but surely it wouldn't hurt to investigate this place thoroughly...

Another short hike brought him to the remains of a camp, likely Matoran in origin based on its size. The firepit and remains of a small shelter were all covered in a healthy layer of ashen dust, just like everything else on the island. More notable, however, was the standing stone that had been erected just up the slope from the encampment. This is what he had seen from above.

It was a rounded pillar carved from the volcanic rock of the island itself, clearly having been shaped with some skill--probably by a Po- or Onu-Matoran. On the surface of the pillar, many words were carved. He stooped and gently blew away the accumulated ash from the surface, then began to read:

"Omokulo the Earth-Tiller carved the words on this stone. Tykto divined by the stars that it would be read in this place, one day, and Raga Peyra commissioned its writing to complete the cycle."

The signature was a practice of the northern chroniclers and record-keepers, although phrased a bit archaically. He read on:

"This is the bio-chronicle of our cell, isolated from the Great Whole by the wrath of nature. Nevertheless, we have kept to our Duty, and followed the Rule in Absence."

The Rule in Absence...How long ago had this been written? There was only the Rule of Order now, after the Barraki and their Wars of Order. He scuffed his fingers along the stone, tasted the dust. Perhaps a century old, maybe more...

"We were six at first, and by the sixfold lot we chose an Elder, as the Rule in Absence requires. We raised the Suva for safekeeping, and the Vewa for shelter. Then we made provision for continued survival and labor, as the Rule in Absence requires. Therefore, Ka'o the Channeler initiated the making of Vuata."

He paused for a moment, amused at the word. These Matoran must have been from the central environs--or even from Metru Nui itself--to call it that. On the continent, they still preferred the archaic form, Vo-Ata, the Source of Energy...

"In the time that was to come, Vuata grew and became the body of our world, which sheltered and protected us. By Ka'o we offer this memory, and by Idda who went unto the Karda when it was threatened, though it broke the Rule in Absence. We offer this memory unto the Great Spirit. West from this pillar it can be seen. It will be with us always. It shall not be forgotten."

There was so much written here. Interesting to be sure, but too much to sift through. He focused and scanned the stone with his Mask of Memory instead, storing the visuals so that they could be more closely examined back home.

West from this pillar it can be seen. The line stuck in his mind. He turned and squinted toward the horizon. The sky was still bright at midday, and he cursed that he'd forgotten to bring the tinted lenses for his mask. Earth Toa weren't exactly known for their keen eyesight.

He walked back into the encampment. There seemed to be nothing else of interest for him here, and the day was getting on. Putting a finger to his mouth, he let out a shrill whistle and soon after the Nui-Kahu landed by the water nearby. He was preparing to mount up and begin the long, unpleasantly high-altitude journey back, when he stopped again.

Something was nagging at him. Something down there...beneath his feet. Deep in the earth, he could feel it now, or was it just his imagination?

Closing his eyes, he searched deeper. Not here...not there...no. Wait--there! A small source of heat in the bedrock, very deep. He traced it like a thread. Westward, out to sea.

But that wasn't all. There was something else down there too--something not made of earth. He could sense it by the absence it created, coiling around, following along the vein of magmatic pressure. The Kahu gave an unhappy screech as he abruptly waded into the surf to get a better read. Up to his waist, the waves buffeted him as he pushed his seismic senses to their limit. At last, he got a glimpse, saw the bigger picture. Yes, it was familiar.

Clouds covered the brightness of the sky for a moment, and his eyes snapped open. He could see a shape on the horizon. From above, he had thought it was just another island, maybe another volcano. But now he knew he was mistaken.

He returned to his flying mount and coaxed it back into the air. The scattered islands around the area were a wreck, washed clean by the violence of nature more than once...but never again, it would seem.

Vuata grew and became the body of our world

which sheltered and protected us.

Deep beneath the earth he had felt the stirring of roots, tangled in the veins and rivers of underground heat and drawing from their energy.

By Ka'o we offer this memory, and by Idda

who went unto the Karda when it was threatened

though it broke the Rule in Absence.

Mighty roots, choking the errant volcano into extinction and returning peace to the islands and the sea.

We offer this memory unto the Great Spirit.

West from this pillar it can be seen.

On the edge of the horizon it loomed, huge and unshakable. Dark branches lifted upward and outward across the ocean.

It will be with us always.

It shall not be forgotten.

[sparkles-oflight]

37 for bokris :)

It's short haha

37. Kissing without a motive

Laying on the living room's sofa of their apartment, Kris mindlessly scrolled through social media - lurking on people's stories - and sometimes chuckling at some mean comment he read.

Bojan was next to him with his legs on top of Kris' texting someone, then watching videos, and seemingly not paying attention to anything that was going on in the room.

And what was going on? Nothing, honestly.

They had arrived from London and we're finally having some alone time in their apartment again. It felt relaxing. It felt good.

Suddenly, Kris feels Bojan moving so he looked up. Next thing he knew, Bojan kissed him on the lips.

- Why? - Kris asked as Bojan sat down again and smiled

- Why not? - he blew him a kiss - I like to see you flustered.

- Uhm. - Kris smiled.

They went back to their devices, though Kris' heart was beating slightly faster - only slightly according to him. Bojan couldn't know that though.

[laurent-ofvere]

When will the nik Laurent cheating fic will be up??

when I get my shit together 😔✊🏼

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

🪷 Healing Astrology: Chakra Astrology 🪷

ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴋʀᴀ ꜱʏꜱᴛᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢɪᴄᴀʟ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ

𝙐𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙎𝙪𝙣, 𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙣, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙍𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨. 𝙊𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙪𝙢.

Taurus/Capricorn 2nd/10th house

Root Chakra: Stability, security, grounding, survival, safety, belonging

Exercise: Weightlifting, Resistance Band, Body Weight Exercise, Isometric Exercises

Hobbies: Gardening, camping, foraging, pottery, painting or drawing, knitting, woodworking, cooking, baking, journaling, meditation, candle making, farming, fishing, musical instrument.

Yoga: Hatha, Yin, Restorative, Vinyasa Flow, Kundalini Yoga

Dance: Soul Motion, African Dance, Tai Chi Qigong, Barefoot Dance

Crystals: Black tourmaline, hematite, red jasper

Essential Oils: Cedarwood, patchouli, sandalwood, vetiver, frankincense, pine, cypress,

Colors: Red, brown, green, beige, grey

Music: Listen to 396hz sounds, ambient, classical music, nature sounds, meditative music, folk and acoustic music, world music, jazz and blue, chanting and mantras

Healing foods for you: sweet potatoes, onions, carrots, radishes, beans, eggs, nuts, lean meats, oats, apples, strawberries, tomatoes, pomegranate, dark leafy greens, brown rice, quinoa, avocado, bananas, dates, seaweed.

Teas and Supplements:Ginger, cayenne, dandelion root, ashwagandha, chamomile, lemon balm, passionflower, lavender, nettle, l-thetanine, gaba, CBD, lions mane, reishi mushroom, kava.

Key Components:

• Have a bedtime and a wake-up time

•Live below your means

• Create a savings for a rainy day

• Find ways to organize your space

•Carry a journal with you

• Make a list of your favorite foods so you can always have an idea of what you want to eat

• If you want to buy something make a goal before you can buy e.g do a ten minute run everyday for a week to be able to buy a new backpack.

• Go to spas, get a massage

Cancer/Scorpio 4th/8th

Sacral Chakra: Connection with others, pleasure, emotions, sexuality, sensuality, creativity

Exercise: Boxing, kick boxing, HIIT, Zumba, Running or sprinting, Weighted workouts, Plyometrics, Swimming

Hobbies: Writing fiction, poetry, journaling, painting or drawing, digital art, improvisational acting, music composition, jewelry making, filmmaking, podcasting, photography, mythology creation, cooking or baking, astrology or tarot, cosplay.

Yoga: Yin Yoga, Restorative Yoga, Tantric Yoga, Kundalini Yoga

Dance: Contemporary Dance, Argentine Tango, Salsa, Belly Dance, Bachata, Flamenco, Rumba, Pole Dance, Jazz Dance, Freestyle

Crystals: Amethyst, Rose Quartz, Moonstone, Black Turmaline, Smoky Quartz, Carnelian, Lepidolite, Citrine, Sodalite, Clear Quartz, Labradorite

Essential Oils: Rose, Ylang Ylang, Jasmine, Sandalwood, Lavender, Vanilla

Colors: Orange, Coral, Amber

Music: R&B, Soul, Jazz, Classical/Instrumental, Flamenco, Ambient/Chillout, World Music, Soft Pop, 582 hz, 639 hz, 432 hz, 852 hz

Healing Foods: Oranges, sweet potatoes, carrots, mangos, papayas, apricots, avocado, nuts and seeds, fatty fish, brown rice, oats, yogurt, kimchi, kefir, dark chocolate.

Tea’s and Supplements: Chamomile, rose, cinnamon, jasmine, hibiscus, ginger, lemon balm, holy basil, ashwagandha, maca, rhodiola rosea, vitamin D, l-thetanine, ginkgo biloba, St. John’s wort, 5-HTP

Key Componenets

• Giving yourself time to feel without judgment or rationalization

• Realizing that expressing yourself is not wrong and beginning to discern who can accept your expressive self

• Using creative outlets to express yourself

• Finding activities that is going to bring your focus and awareness

• Creating boundaries and values for relationships that enter your life

• Giving yourself time to self-love as well as express love

• Indulging in what you enjoy without guilt, enjoy your life

• Learning your manifestation technique

• Using your intuition and connecting to it more as a guide

• Learning to be instead of constant doing, learning your power is in being receptive to energies

• Nurturing yourself and others

Leo/Aries 1st/5th

Solar Plexus Chakra: Personal power, self-esteem, confidence, ability to take control of one’s life, identity, autonomy, inner strength

Exercise: Strength training, martial arts, HIIT, core focused workouts, functional fitness, group fitness class, adventure and outdoor activities, endurance training.

Hobbies: Public speaking, creative writing or journaling, diy projects or crafting, learning a new language, performance arts, volunteering or mentoring, gardening or sustainable, travel or outdoor adventures, music, learning a survival skill, networking.

Yoga: Power Yoga, Vinyasa Flow, Kundalini Yoga, Ashtanga Yoga, Hatha Yoga, Core Strengthening Yoga, Yin Yoga, Bhakti Yoga

Dance: Hip hop dance, contemporary dance, Latin dance, belly dance, jazz dance, ballet, freestyle dance, pole dance, Afro dance, burlesque dance, combat dance

Crystals: Citrine, Tigers Eye, Carnelian, Pyrite, Sunstone, Amber, Yellow Jasper, Garnet, Golden Topaz

Essential Oils: Bergamot, Lemon, Ginger, Peppermint, Rosemary, Clary Sage, Frankincense, Cedar-wood

Colors: Golden Yellow

Music: Pop music, hip hop and rap, rock and alternative rock, R&B, soul, EDM, reggae, heavy metal, inspirational, spiritual, Afro beats, 528 hz, 396 hz, 417 hz, 639 hz, 741 hz, 320 hz

Healing foods for you: Bananas, lemons, pineapples, yellow peppers, corn, brown rice, sweet potatoes, oats, ginger, turmeric, yogurt, kimchi, kombucha, nuts and seeds, eggs, lentils, chickpeas, oranges, mangoes

Teas and Supplements: Ginger, lemon balm, chamomile, peppermint, green matcha, rooibos, dandelion root, ashwagandha, rhodiola rosea, vitamin b complex, magnesium, turmeric, ginseng, probiotics, l-thetanine

Key Components

• Having self awareness and walking around with your head held high

•Living authentically to your true self, not conforming for others

• Taking action but also letting things be and relaxing

• Having trust and faith

• Leading with integrity and compassion

• Responding not reacting

• Aligning with your soul purpose

• The more you stay true to your values the easier success comes

• Being spiritual

Libra 7th

Heart Chakra: Love, compassion, forgiveness, emotional healing, relationships, unconditional love, empathy, inner peace.

Exercise: Fitness classes, walking, hiking.

Hobbies: Arts and crafts, cooking and baking, gardening, music and dance, reading and writing, animal companionship, sound therapy and singing, support groups

Yoga: Hatha Yoga, Restorative Yoga, Yin Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, Heart Opening

Dance: Contemporary, ballet, contact improvisation, tribal fusion belly dance, soul motion

Crystals: Rose Quartz, Rhodonite, Amazonite, Moonstone, Aquamarine

Essential Oils: Rose, Frankincense, Lavender, Ylang Ylang, Geranium

Colors: Green, Pink

Music: Classical music, pop music, ambient, folk, jazz, 639 hz, 528 hz

Healing foods: Kale, spinach, broccoli, avocado, kiwi, cucumber, nuts and seeds, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, dark chocolate, salmon, sardines

Teas and supplements: Chamomile, rose petals, hibiscus, magnesium, zinc, b6, b12

Key Components

• Understanding of both yourself and others

• Staying humble and aware of both your strengths and weaknesses

• Healing from your past wounds

• Practicing forgiveness and giving others space to forgive

• Showing love unconditionally

• Practicing self love both on the physical and emotional level

• Discerning who is pouring love back into you

• Strive towards wholeness in your interpersonal relationships

• Seeing others as an extension of yourself

Gemini/Sagittarius 3rd/9th

Throat Chakra: Communication, self expression, speaking one’s truth, creativity, clear and authentic expression, verbal and non-verbal, honesty, open communication

Exercise: Strength training, team sports, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai.

Hobbies: Creative writing and journaling, blogging or vlogging, theater or improv classes, stand up comedy, painting and drawing, photography, public speaking groups, debate clubs, musical instrument, song writing, book club, volunteering

Yoga: Vinyasa Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Hatha Vlog

Dance: Contemporary dance, salsa, ballroom, modern dance, ballet, contact improvisation, kizomba

Crystals: Sodalite, Aquamarine, Lapis Lazuli, Blue Lace Agate

Essential Oils: Peppermint, frankincense, eucalyptus, lavender

Colors: Blue, Turquoise, Light Blue, Lavender

Music: Indie, jazz, experimental rock, electronic music, post punk, folk, alternative rock, neo soul, acoustic, indie folk, 639 hz, 741 hz

Healing foods: Fresh herbs, vibrant vegetables, salmon, chia seeds, spinach, kale, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, dark chocolate, avocado

Teas and Supplements: Chamomile, peppermint, rosemary, omega-3-fatty acids, b -complex vitamins, l-thetanine, rhodiola rosea

Key Components

• Living authentically to who you are

• Being able to clearly communicate and also actively listen to others

• Actions and words align

• You allow your ideas to flow, write them down and execute

• Focused on personal growth

• You care only what you think of yourself

Pisces / 12th house

Third Eye Chakra: Intuition, perception, inner vision, spiritual insight, inner vision, spiritual connection, emotional awareness, visionary experiences

Exercise: Tai Chi, Qiong, Martial Arts

Hobbies: Journaling, Creative writing, poetry, nature observation, bird watching, art therapy or visual arts, meditation, reading, cooking or baking, gardening or plant care, traveling or exploring new places, listening to music or playing an instrument

Yoga: Yin Yoga, Restorative Yoga, Kirpalu Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Yoga Nidra, Minful Vinyasa Yoga, Hatha Yoga

Dance: Ecstatic dance, belly dance, contemporary dance, qiong or tai chi inspired, sacred dance, trance dance, improvisational dance, chakra dance, butoh

Crystals: Amethyst, Lapis Luzuli, Labradorite, Moonstone, Clear Quartz, Sodalite, Fluorite, Lepidolite, Celestite, Lolite, Angelite, Kyanite, Selenite

Essential Oils: Frankincense, sandalwood, lavender, clary sage, patchouli, rosemary, geranium, juniper berry, myrrh, lemon, jasmine

Colors: Indigo Blue, Purple, Deep Blue, Violet, White

Music: Ambient music, new age, world music, chill wave, folk and acoustic, indie, electronic, classical music, chanting, binaural beats, 396 hz, 417 hz, 528 hz, 639 hz, 741 hz, 4-8hz, 8-12hz, 0.5-4 hz,

Healing Foods: Spinach, kale, Swiss chard, broccoli, arugula, nuts and seeds, blueberries, avocado, pineapple, bananas, oranges, apples, brown rice, oats

Teas and Supplements: Chamomile, holy basil, peppermint, green tea, Yerba mate, ashwagandha, omega 3 fatty acids, rhodiola rosea, b vitamins, DHA, l-thetanine

Key Components:

• Grounded in your intuition

• Writing down your insights

• Deeper connection to spirituality

• Living mindfully

• Take your time, slowing down

• Praying, talking to your spirit guide, connecting to your higher self

• Meditating

• Making peace within your life

• Spending time to yourself to nourish your vessel

• Affirming yourself

Virgo/Aquarius 6th/11th

Crown Chakra: Spiritual enlightenment, unity, higher consciousness, inner peace, non-attachment, meditation and contemplation, sense of purpose

Exercise: Tai Chi, Qiong, Martial Arts, Mindful Pilates

Hobbies: Journaling, art and painting, writing, music and sound healing, dance, hiking, gardening, nature photography, tide pool exploration, spiritual group, attending ceremonies, volunteering, reading, attending workshops and retreats

Yoga: Bhakti Yoga, Kirtan Yoga, Kundalani Yoga, Jnana Yoga, Raja Yoga, Vinyasa Yoga, Yin Yoga

Dance: Sacred Dance, Sufi Whirling, Gurdjieff Movements, Kathak, Bharatanatyam, Flamenco, Butoh

Crystals: Clear Quartz, Amethyst, Sodalite, Moonstone, Lapis Lazuli, Selenite, Citrine, Turquoise

Essential Oils: Frankincense, Sandalwood, Lavender, Rose, Patchouli, Myrrh, Bergamot

Colors: Violet, Purple, White, Silver, Gold, Lavender

Music: New age, ambient, world music, chanting, mantras, tribal, indigenous music, classical Indian music, ambient electronic, 432 hz, 528 hz, 639 hz, 741 hz, 852 hz, 963 hz

Healing Foods: Berries, coconut, apples, leafy greens, sweet potatoes, nuts and seeds, brown rice

Tea and Supplements: Holy Basil, chamomile, peppermint, green tea, lavender, omega 3 fatty acids, rhodiola rosea, ashwagandha, ginkgo biloba, vitamin d, melatonin

Key Components

• Clearing your mind through mediation

• Writing and journaling in order to empty your brain

• Using your wisdom in practical ways

• Writing down your spiritual insights

• Trusting your gut

• Learning the art of detachment

• Living in the present moment

• Spiritual connection that allows you to view life in multiple ways

• Healthy body and feel energized for the day

• An inner peace

• You practice gratitude

• You extend yourself to others in a helpful and compassionate way

[lunar-wandering]

names

i had a silly hc and had to write a 700 word drabble about it

“Yo, Mac!”

MK froze mid-step, expression dropping in horror.

Macaque tilted his head in confusion, and turned around just in time to see someone around MK’s age throw an arm over MK’s shoulders.

“Hey Mackenzie, how ya doing?”

“Uh, doing… great! Just fine, as always!” MK sneaked a glance at Macaque out of the corner of his eye, seeing the shadow monkey silently mouthing ‘Mackenzie???’ to himself.

Oh. He was so screwed.

“Good, good!” The person patted MK on the shoulder, before removing their arm, waving at him while they started to walk away. “Well, I’m kinda in a rush right now, but we should totally hang out sometime? Gravity arcade maybe? Eh, whatever, I’ll see you around!”

“See ya!” MK held his false cheery expression until the other was out of sight, then let it drop as he turned back to Macaque. “Please don’t tell Monkey King about this.”

“…Uh-huh. Sure. Uh. Who was that?” Macaque’s expression of confusion was slowly starting to turn into an amused smirk.

“Just an old classmate from, like, high-school I think, not sure, I really only hung out with Mei-”

“And why did he call you-”

“Listen.” MK clapped his hands together, held them in front of his face, and took a deep breath in, preparing himself. “Okay. So. Kids are mean, yeah? And my name is pretty long. Um. So when I was asked, y’know, what ‘MK’ stands for. I… kindasortaliedtothem-”

“You what-”

“And people believed it! I thought it’d get found out really quick, but like, even the teachers thought the system had just glitched out and written the wrong name on the attendance sheet! Man, I had people calling me Mackenzie for years-”

“Really fooled me too.” Mei chimed in, fiddling with her phone with a seemingly bored expression on her face.

“Yeah, Mei didn’t know- wait.” MK paused, turning to face her, “When did you get here?”

“About the same time Macaque collapsed to the ground.”

“About the same time Maca- what?” MK quickly turned his head back to stare at Macaque and- sure enough, he was down on the ground, arms wrapped around his chest, shaking with silent laughter. “What- when did he do that?”

“Dunno, he was like that when I got here.” Mei said, putting her phone in her pocket. “Anyways. I still cannot believe you didn’t tell me the truth until my 18th birthday-”

“Hey, I thought that if I treated it like some kind of grand important thing, you wouldn’t be angry at me!”

“Not that it worked. I still pranked the shit out of you once I stopped laughing.”

“I think I’m still finding glitter in my clothes- okay, I can’t stop thinking about it, do you think he’s okay?” MK said, pointing down at Macaque, “Like, is this normal?”

“Oh, yeah-” Wukong said, “He used to do this all the time, his body just kinda gives up on him when he really finds something funny.”

“Okay, so long as it’s- wait.” MK whirled around to point at Wukong, “When did you get here?!”

“Dragon Kid over here texted me that something was going on so I decided to come check it out.” Wukong said, “Soooo. What’s so funny that it’s got Maccie down on the ground anyways?”

“Nothing! I, uh-”

“MK was just telling him about he used to lie to people and tell them his nickname stood for ‘Mackenzie’.” Mei explained before MK could even get the chance to come up with an excuse.

Wukong let out some sort of amused sputter.

“M-Mackenzie? You- you know, you do kinda seem like, like an Mackenzie-” Wukong snorted, and then he was doubling over, slowly collapsing to the ground.

“Ah, both monkeys have fallen.” Mei said solemnly, pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of them as MK sighed.

“Welp, it’s official.” He said, “I’m never living this one down. Why does everyone always find it so funny anyways?”

Mei shrugged, not knowing the answer herself as she started sending the picture of the two monkeys on the ground to Red Son. Movement in the corner of his eye caught MK’s attention, and he turned to see Macaque seemingly forcing himself up again.

“Hey- hey, Kid.” He wheezed, “Just, just out of, y’know, curiosity and for like, comparison. What is?? Your actual name??”

“Oh, uh, it’s-”

[macabrecabra]

And right on schedule, a new chapter for this beast! Only seven chapters left to go! 

[macawritesupdates]

Writing Update 11/27/2024

Where the heck have I been huh? Been working two jobs and been just a lot lately with zine art and a commission piece to finish and DnD art to get ready for sessions. Means writing time is reduced ; w ; HOWEVER! I'm hoping now that I get a short break, I can get some fics updated in the coming days! <3

SPOUSE WANTED: Updating soon! I am writing a super spicy big chapter that hopefully was worth the wait <3

WHO'S A GOOD BOY: Going to start getting these updates out as want to get this fic finished too LESSONS IN ACCIDENTAL SEDUCTION: New chapter in the works and hopefully updates soon! This fic one the poll to get rapid chapter updates, so going to focus on the updating for it! CAN'T HELP A CUDDLE: Finally going to start work on this chapter! JEALOUSY IS NOT A GOOD FRIEND: it is angsty and good plot suddenly so....just eager to update it <3

MY 50TH FIC UPDATE: A cute little one-shot for the 50th fic on my AO3!

SENORITY RULES: A one-shot idea for someone on bluesky that I liked and wrote a little thing for hehe! Hoping to get all of this done and pushed out. Just so much writing and so SO little time....Also working on the artwork for the first chapter of the Historically Accurate sequel. Once I get my obligations completed, there will be NO stopping me!

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi beautiful woman who runs this blog!

I'm doing the 100 Days of Productivity challenge, my point is zero days off and channeling my alt ego which is an athlete version of a nerd. The constraint being- as a female how do I fight and pave my way up during that time of the month, especially those 3-4 days prior to my period where I feel drained and lose all focus and concentration?

I'd appreciate your advice, I hope you're doing well!🤍

Hi angel 🤍

First off, I love the commitment you’re bringing to this challenge—channeling your alter ego is such a power move.

The few days leading up to your period can be hard, but you can still stay productive without burning out. Your productivity is not defined by hustle alone. These are days to honor your body's signals while still moving forward with intention. You’re not losing momentum—you’re learning to flow with your cycle.

Here are my top tips:

Food

Magnesium rich foods —(spinach, dark chocolate, almonds)

Complex carbs (sweet potatoes, quinoa) for steady energy and to curb mood swings.

Hydration is key—Add lemon, mint, or a pinch of Himalayan salt to water for electrolytes.

Anti inflammatory foods: Add turmeric, ginger, and leafy greens to your meals to help with inflammation and fatigue

Hormone balancing snacks: Nuts, seeds (especially pumpkin and sunflower) and avocado

2. Cycle sync your work

Pre period days are your luteal phase—time for reflection, planning, and wrapping up loose ends. Don’t push for peak output, instead, focus on tasks that feel grounding. Use a period app or if you journal, write how you feel each cycle to anticipate & plan around these patterns.

3. Move gently to boost your body

Ground yourself by walking outside, especially barefoot. Gentle yoga can help ease tension and cramps.

4. Self care rituals

Castor oil packs. Apply to your lower abdomen for 30 minutes to soothe cramps and improve circulation.

Essential oils. Diffuse or apply lavender, clary sage, or geranium oil to ease mood swings and tension.

Take warm baths with Epsom salts to relax muscles.

5. Brain

Brain dump your thoughts and prioritize tasks. Journaling or mind mapping.

Use timers to work in bursts—25 minutes of focus, 5-minute breaks.

6. Adaptogens & Supplements

Try maca root or holy basil (tulsi) tea to regulate stress hormones. Green tea or matcha for a caffeine boost with L-theanine for focus.

Ashwagandha— Energy, relaxation and focus

B6 & Magnesium—Great for mood and reducing PMS symptoms

Omega-3s— They help with inflammation and brain fog

Good luck babygirl!!! xx

[madrabit]

@ your tags - god SAME. I've been thinking about detective!Nace ever since I saw that video and that as an AU would be so good. Like, I have way too many wips consuming my mind to think properly about plot and stuff but it's just been in the back of my mind and I just *know* it'd be amazing idk aghzhzjanx

#someonewriteadetectivenaceauplease 😔

Oh god, Maca, please don't make me add another thing to my list 😭😭😭 the list for potential fic ideas North and I share is already WAY too long and it keeps growing, but it sounds so SO TEMPTING!!! Like shshbsbsndndndndndn ofc it would be such a perfect idea and Nace would be such a hot detective!!! But I can't possibly write that rn 😭😭😭

[nessamist]

Ooh could you pretty please do Lottie or Misty yandere hcs 🥺😍(adult or teen)

LOTTIE MATTHEWS AND MISTY QUIGLEY YANDERE HEADCANONS (SEPARATE)

warnings: typical yandere behavior, nsfw

A/N: I decided on doing the adults since I feel more comfortable writing them!! but also bare with me because I’m not too good with writing yanderes

LOTTIE MATTHEWS

🕯️Lottie is probably on the kinder side, as far as yanderes go

🕯️if you aren’t already at the compound, she will likely kidnap you under the pretense of “keeping you safe” especially if she thinks you may have plans to harm yourself

🕯️definitely has a few of her trusted followers keep tabs on you throughout the entire day while she’s busy

🕯️ will go through your personal items you gave up just to learn a few things about you to bring up in conversation to draw you to her

🕯️your therapy sessions are almost always private with her, not wanting anyone else to see you in such a vulnerable state

🕯️uses the wilderness as an excuse to get you to do things for her. “the wilderness wants us to make love, to connect in the most intimate way possible, and how could we deny it that”

🕯️extremely possessive, but doesn’t show it, will simply cock an eyebrow while looking between you and the person you’re getting a little too friendly with (planning their sacrifice to the wilderness)

🕯️often likes to assign you to the “guidance” therapy section so she can see you undress to get into the sensory deprivation water tank

🕯️will put maca root in your drinks to “increase your libido” so she can ravish you

🕯️she is the type to carry a small vile of your blood on a bracelet

🕯️speaking of blood, if she started getting visions again she’d urge you to gift some of your blood to the wilderness, and if it gets bad, to indulge the wilderness in a hunt.

MISTY QUIGLEY

🌸 an obsessive yandere, definitely

🌸 100% stalking you, no question. she will find out everything about you as well

🌸 keeps a file in her home and a copy on her laptop of all the information she’s found out about you

🌸 will find out your work schedule and break into your house to set up cameras while you’re not there

🌸 will slash your tires and conveniently pull up to ask if you need a ride to wherever you need to go and this is where her plan fully starts, the plan to make you hers forever

🌸 she’ll act all innocent and sweet and at the end of the car ride, she’ll give you her number, just incase you “need a ride to get your car fixed” which you so graciously accept

🌸 she will continue to watch you through the cameras she installed, furious when you have company over, even more so if said company is a fuck buddy, because that should be her, not them

🌸 probably will touch herself while watching anyways

🌸 if you end up on a date, she will poison your drink so she has to take care of you, and will make sure you stay in bed so she can take care of you

🌸 like she did as a teen, she will subtly trip you so she has an excuse to touch you to help you up, chastising you for being so clumsy, “you really need to be more careful! how would you survive without me”

🌸 kidnapping is a last resort thing for misty, if she feels you may be pulling away and trying to cut her out of your life, she will kidnap you and go on a rant about how you need her and she needs you and you guys could be so happy together

🌸 would kill anyone for her darling, but would never kill you, atleast not intentionally, but she has a bad track record of keeping the ones she loves alive …

A/N: I hope these were good!! sorry Lottie’s was so short I really don’t have much to say about her as a yandere

[sparkles-oflight]

Leonor! I just realised that there is a (high?) chance that we get to see/hear Kris singing ngvot live in Madrid with our own eyes and I'm...not okay

I just remembered I still need to buy bus tickets 💀

Honestly, I will melt if that happens, but I also want you to be next to me so that I can hug you during ASTP and cry

[laurent-ofvere]

can you use your bff privilages and bully maca into updating hiuh please and thank you 🙏

I've called I've texted I've voice noted I've begged I've blackmailed I've bribed I've tried it all she is IMPOSSIBLE

[ranticore]

btw because there is some confusion, "Maċa" and "Macha" are the exact same word just written with different orthography. If you can't write Maċa easily, you can say Macha. You cannot say Maca as that is a completely different word/not the character's name.

[thickenmyblood]

maca this chapter was insane i was kicking my feet the entire hour I took to read it!!

but can I just say as much as I was team damen in the beginning cause I didn’t fw laurent’s whole approach to the breakup…..I don’t get why damen was so upset with laurent abt the needing a lawyer reveal when he immediately recognised that it was obvious that laurent continued to stay with him because he genuinely loved him.

Don’t get me wrong I definitely love that you took that approach cause your writing is so REAL and Damen recognises he’s being an idiot sometimes!!But I didn’t expect Laurent to not push back abit in some sense like he was just a traumatised kid barely a year older than nicaise is rn when they met (if i got the math right on that).

anyway I think I just wanna hear more about your thoughts on Laurent’s headspace if it’s not spoiler-y ofc. Thank you for such a brilliant chapter and happy holidays ♥️♥️

hello! i was actually talking to @savoytrufflephd about this the other day. this is terribly long but we're reaching the end of the fic and i will never get the change to speak on these things again, and so i hope this answer guides your reading experience and helps clear any doubts you might have going into the last chapter.

about damen:

during their argument, damen is gutted to find out that laurent approached him because he needed a lawyer and money, and, indeed, damen doesn't have an absolute "let's berate laurent" meltdown right then and there, but i wouldn't say he "immediately recognized" anything.

there are three main emotions at play during the reveal scene.

sadness: damen feels deeply hurt by laurent's confession.

There is nowhere to go. There is no other sound in the world but Laurent’s voice, tearing him open.

They should be doing this in the kitchen, Damen thinks. For old times’ sake. For symmetry. There must be a reason why Aimeric keeps picking kitchens as his bleeding spot.

anger and/or self-righteousness: damen makes comments to hurt laurent and express the hurt he's feeling himself and how he feels cheated and wronged.

(...) Was a live-in nanny so expensive that you had to spend the next four years forcing yourself into bed with—”

“You were nervous. Before. I remember the—was the bathroom break so you could vomit in between—”

(...) So you stayed up all night, going through that—that shit, and you had ten liters of coffee this morning so you could be brave enough to sit here and tell me that I was your pimp for a while. (...)

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Laurent says, “if you—” “Don’t play the martyr card.” “I’m so—” “Fuck you,” Damen says.

defeat: damen slowly realizing this is the worst case scenario. there can't be anything worse than this, and so it's almost a relief to hear it because he 1. didn't have to ask 2. can't imagine any other blow hitting him harder (which... i mean, he did have a heads up from nikandros). now what he wants is to understand how this happened and why.

Something is leaking out of Damen now, except it isn’t blood. He feels it by its absence, by the relief it leaves behind. This, he thinks, as he looks at Laurent. This is everything they have done to each other. There is nothing left but this: the wound, drained; the wound, re-dressed. This is what he wanted to know, what he asked for. This.

He might as well lay down on the table and pass Laurent the knife.

He wants to feel stupid and can’t, wants to lather himself up in hatred to slip away from this with ease. He can’t. He’d thought in those first months at Nikandros’s that he knew what hating Laurent was—annoyance, mostly, and contempt, slightly—but now he knows that wasn’t hate. He could never hate Laurent. Maybe he could learn, could train himself to do it, but he doesn’t want to. He wants to understand. He wants—

damen is not the best when it comes to understanding his own emotions. later on, when analyzing this argument with neo, this happens:

“I don’t know how it made me feel,” Damen says. “I was angry yesterday. At him. And I know I should be angry now, or earlier when he said—when he told me.” “But you weren’t.” “I wasn’t sad either. It was like…” “Like?” Damen smooths over the sheets beside him. The bed is cool and neatly made on that side. “Like I’d been waiting for him to say it for so long, that when he did, it wasn’t… I don’t know.”

he did feel all those emotions in the argument, but when asked to talk about them, he holds onto defeat instead of anger or sadness. i wrote him this way because i wanted a version of him that was tired of arguing with laurent, that didn't want to do that anymore, that wanted things to be fair between them. plus, i wrote very early on that he's just not very creative when it comes to (active) cruelty. it just doesn't come naturally to him.

now, about laurent:

i agree that this laurent reads very passively. he doesn't strike back, doesn't argue that he was desperate, that it wasn't his fault, etc. this is because:

he's being self-hating. this is him basically telling damen "look at what i did and hate me for it. i don't deserve the way you've always helped me, the way you're STILL helping me. i'm not a good person. i'm not who you think i am." this is why, in this fic, laurent also allows nicaise to treat him like shit. it's the reason laurent did not tell agnes about the verbal abuse he was being subjected to. he thinks he deserves it. it's the reason he tells damen having sex with maxime was a chore and still he kept doing it.

like damen, he's also tired of arguing. in fact, i would say he's MORE tired than damen. he's getting the worse of nicaise's ire and has been for months. he knows damen is upset with him bc of that 10 minute conversation he had alone with nicaise in ch18. the day before, damen looked him in the eye and told him it was all his fault, that everything wrong that happened with nicaise was on him, that he was to blame because he was too busy having fun and being stupid to take care of the one person he was supposed to look after. he's emotionally drained. he spent the entire night looking through nicaise's phone, analyzing dates and punishing himself for everything that happened. after almost 400k words of fucked up situations, he's finally reached this strange limit of "whatever, just let it end".

the self-fulfilling prophecy aspect of his relationship with damen. in a way, laurent never dared to hope what he had with damen would be forever. in fact, he believed in order to keep damen, he had to sacrifice many, many, many things and aspect of who he was and is as a person, because otherwise damen would not and could not love him. things like his mental health, his own abuse, his views on sex... but also small, stupidly vulnerable things, such as letting your partner know that you fucking douche!!!!!! letting him know you do things every other human does. laurent wanted damen to love him, but he didn't think damen ever could if he showed him all his cards and baggage and whatever you want to call it, and so he made himself palatable. and this was, ultimately, the downfall of their relationship (along with damen's obvious ignorance, emotional issues, repression, etc.)

this is all i can say on laurent's end. ch20 will give you some more details to help you look at his actions and thought process throughout the fic in a different light. i hope this answer made sense and wasn't just me babbling for seventeen thousand words.

thank you for your time!!