#MAN I TOLD MYSELF I WASNT GONNA START A FIC OUT OF NOTHING AGAIN!!

[hellhathfrozethoverthinking]

fic #2

A/N: >2.5k words of....somethin. not actually sure what to call this..."Visiting Saturn Overtakes Terra With A Terrible Feeling Of Discomfort Brought About By His Own Mistakes And Control Freak Tendencies" doesn't really have a ring to it. more notes after the end :UUU

--

SRN-006's wing of Starship Sol was very minimalist.

The crown moulding and intricately carved patterns in each nook and cranny of SRN-007's broad and colourful corridors stood in stark contrast to these…neatly grid tile walls and artificial marble floors polished to reflection. A monochromatic, mostly black scheme, with splashes of white for accent.

It was one circular, narrow hall surrounding the repair lab in which he worked, with only purely necessary latitude. Just wide enough to accommodate their largest enlistee and no further.

SRN-006's wing of Starship Sol was too minimalist.

The dim pin lights resting parallel on the bottom of the perimeter were bulbless, caged, and cold. Cameras and sensors abounds sat in little pockets mechanically blocked out of the tile, and they too were black, with tiny red ringed eyes staring, unmoved, at whoever passed.

And then that would draw the attention to the preference of verticality in construction, as those burning lens would still be present the further back you tipped your head. In fact, should you regard them, they would return the favour, ensuring you felt small and out of place.

The ceiling stretched temple-high, and if you chose to follow it to its end, nothing special awaited you at the top. It was the same throughout, if not darker for the lack of mounted lighting.

SRN-006's wing of Starship Sol was beyond minimalist.

In every aspect, he'd wasted his opportunity for expression on barren, and featureless design. Nothing existed for comfort. There were no intentional benches, no decoration, nothing to suggest that anyone with a personality occupied the room in between.

How he managed to use so little of the space allotted to him when drafting, and turn what could have been a gravity-controlled exhibition lobby (per his home planet's aesthetics), into claustrophobic lifelessness was…disappointing.

Moreover, it was uncomfortable.

The experience of passing through this glorified pod bus tunnel was among the many things that made Terra's skin crawl.

He would never admit it to anyone, but it struck a particular chord of dread in him whenever the louvred metal doors slid away before him and he was forced to traverse the droning, beeping, clicking, groaning machinery trapped behind the architectural emptiness.

Pluto had once explained to him the concept of a "liminal space" while organising his daily field research.

-

"Liminality is, how do you say, a state commonly observed by man."

His glittering ruby irises flit back and forth across the tops of several holographed tabs.

"It is, so to speak, existing in a state of limbo."

He dismisses each window to the right or left with confident, swift swipes of his fingertips.

"When one is outside of points A and B. When one's regularity is upset and change is coming, but hasn't yet."

In the corner of Terra's visual feed blinks a purple light, alerting him to the three files just received under the subject "inv_rp21".

"A liminal space is similarly transitional. It is being beneath the bridge that connects your docked train to the station. It is being in the foyer of an familiar's unfamiliar home. The point of unease typically achieved by this will vary for the individual, but its basis is the same."

The sway of his tail and a dark chuckle follow him sauntering out of the office.

"Simply a little walk through to the gallows will unsettle these poor, ugly animals, even if they aren't in the noose. The paranoia is quite pathetic, don't you think?"

"…Quite. Thank you, 08."

-

The idea that he should be so human as to feel the effects of a "liminal space"…quite frankly, it irritated him.

What was the point of becoming an android if not to escape the trappings of the illogical?

If he had a choice, he'd simply warp straight to the laboratory and skip the gallows' walk altogether. The atmosphere of the planet Earth, the planet they'd been stuck on for centuries, he had to keep reminding himself it was far too dense to do any such thing and then attempt recompiling his molecular structure. If he were to try, travelling light speeds here would rip him asunder on an atomic level and he'd die a dangerous, obliterating death.

The thought alone was harrowing and persistent enough to keep him on the ground. He wished he'd never gotten a taste of it during the war against Mega Man, because it was tempting. But he couldn't. If he forgot, and did, wouldn't that be horrific? Every one of his men screaming for cover they'd never get, his carelessness costing them their lives, leaving their legacy a crater on a nowhere planet?

…

'Stop it.'

The necks of the cameras craned to fix their gazes on him.

A picture, of 40 different eyes turned to him in unison with his face reflected in each glassy surface, burned into the front of his mind.

And wouldn't leave.

Terra's legs stiffened. He shut his eyes.

Hampered by his body and the Earth's device, he had one defense against the odd, humiliating stress of being scrutinised from all angles: talking. It was a habit he'd developed long before his reconstruction at Albert Wily's hands.

In order to distract himself from the baleful thoughts that would constantly, ceaselessly encroach upon his mind, he would quietly, but vocally, talk to himself. He would talk until either the offending issue was gone, or until he'd calmed his anxiety enough to face it without shutting down, or doing something impulsive.

Instrumental to the success of this repression was that he not stop. That he tune out anything else telling him to divert his attention, do what he set out to do, and not stop.

"…♁, you're already pushing the envelope on time," he scolded, in a sing-song tone.

"If you arrive for your hygiene check late, he's going to complain, and then waste even more of your valuable time arguing why he should be 'cut a break, if you're not going to abide by your own set rules and arrive precisely when you mentioned you would, you neat freak."

The predicted conversation annoyed him perfectly. It drove his low heels clacking across the floor, to confront his slacking, good-for-nothing inferior before he had a chance to say exactly that.

"You can see his face now, right, sad and long like it deserves sympathy, probably because he'd been 'waiting oh so patiently, your highness'__I'll bet you feel your temper flare when he says that,"

which it did, taking his annoyance to anger and hurrying him into a power-stride, past a door with a slate sign labelled "MAINTENANCE".

"And of course, opportunist he is, he'd probably have thought he could take a quick nap-- actually, scratch that, there is no such thing as a 'quick nap' for him, once he's down, he's out, and he knows that, yet he never considered that when filing for employ in this embassy, he's got no professional pride, one of these days, he's going to get you all killed."

"Your invisible friend does a terrible job of backbiting, you know."

Terra's greenest shoots curled very suddenly, tightening his posture and releasing a gas into the hall that was the closest thing to a scent he'd detected since departing the byway.

He swivelled on his heel and stomped once to steady his posture, something he'd had to make a habit of doing since losing his hind legs, and usual gait. His company shook a finger at him.

"I do wish he'd be a little quieter."

Saturn was behind him by at least three metres.

Behind him by…what?

Behind him?

Sun strike him dead, the door was enormous. He was right there. How couldn't he have heard it shifting, at least? Was he really so caught up in distracting himself that he'd prioritised his pacing over the destination? Who knows how many times he might have gone in circles around it in that case?

Worse yet, why did that smug, sleepy face have to be the foremost indicator of his mistake? Taunting him with the notion of having seen all that faffing about?

Terra inhaled, and closed the distance between them, to two metres minimum. He even checked his feet to ensure that was correct.

"Move."

The seemingly indestructible smile on Saturn's mannequin-esque visage only grew with the demand.

"Now Terra," he started, pulling his ring off his shoulder. "There's an etiquette to asking things of people. A magic word: you may have heard of it?"

Electrostatic discharged between Terra's roots as he clenched the fist of his left hand, building up energy for the Spark Chaser. He didn't have to turn around to understand the hall cameras had settled on him, in sync with Saturn's hollow, impossibly red optic display.

"Move."

Motionlessly, Saturn's line of sight trailed from his hand to his eyes. Locked on to them. In mustering up the courage to hold him there, and not back down, Terra was able to look through him to the…limitless nothing. Into the abyssal, and unfeeling vacuum behind that warmly coloured shell.

…For just a few seconds, before the marionette made a show of throwing up his hands in mock defeat.

Terra questioned whether or not someone's photoreceptors counted as a "liminal space". His, at least. Certainly, they teetered on the cusp of real and unreal. It didn't help that his every action was such a practised, methodical thing.

It made nothing but sense that he'd devise sanitised, utilitarian floor plans like these, when he thought about it critically.

Saturn spun his ring out of the doorway, toeing it two metres until he could stop behind it and bow, gesturing his hand to the open lab. Always overdoing it with the inane, performative gestures, he should deck him just for that.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realise you were in that kind of mood!" The plastic grin did not waver. "Go on in! Gosh, what a throwback! I remember when you dropped in just like this, oh, couldn't have been any less than two Earth days ago! Time flies, hm?"

Terra shot him a look as he stepped over the threshold into the very white, and somehow even more ascetic rotunda. Then shot him another to make sure he wouldn't shove him on while his back was turned.

"You certainly are a diligent one, inspector," Saturn continued, unprompted. "I hope this visit yields tangible results. Aethers forbid you find nothing, driving you madder when the data doesn't reflect the nonsense you're convinced of in your own head! …Oh, wait."

Hilarious.

A wry laugh escaped the other as he considered stitching his inferior's mouth closed and beating him into submission.

But, not really. Although, somewhat.

He missed the years where he didn't have the wherewithal to emulate this biting sarcasm he seemed so reliant on to mask his social ineptitude nowadays.

It'd grown tiresome.

On his tiptoes now, Terra was careful not to trip any wires hooked up to heavy duty equipment or touch any of the hand tools littered on the floor with his feet. He avoided crushing a single mircochip, or shattering any stray sheet glass. He squinted at the fluorescent white fixture in the dome ceiling and swore something fell into his eyes. Let alone his grasses.

Sun above, for how tidy and untouched it appeared, it was filthy in here. How could it have gotten this bad in two days time?

"Terra? What's wrong?"

Saturn's voice came in far too loudly behind him. He rushed to occupy himself with plucking and pulling on two gloves from the dispenser near a chemical wash sink.

"Yellow patches notwithstanding," he jested, jested, absorbing every Sun-forsaken microbe from the doorframe as he reclined against it like it was a seat, it wasn't, why did he insist. "You look exhausted! This neverending cycle of fretting and compulsive cleaning to look busy and responsible must be wearing on you!"

A disingenuous look of pity crossed his expression. "Is there anything I can do for you, Your Highness?"

His composure nearly dissolved, right there on the spot. Terra grit his teeth and angled his head just enough to keep Saturn in his peripheral vision.

"You can disappear, how about that? You'd like to help me? Get out."

And, not giving him room to refute, "I'll signal you once I'm done in here, if you haven't managed to trip, get comfortable, and fall asleep on your way to the common room."

"Actually, I never said I was-" "Get out, 06! OUT!"

The 6th planet's greatest shame pretended to flinch, and hit a red button fixed into the doorframe, backing steadily out of his base of operations. "Well, all right! No need to shout, you'll wear your poor old voice hoarse!" The door slowly, very slowly, began to close, and would lock once it did. Terra crossed his fingers it wouldn't give him trouble when it came time to leave for the deep-wash chambers.

Grabbing a clump of steel wool and a bottle of bleach from an open storage closet, he glared at Saturn's waning form through the shuttering egress.

So many installations, so little time…he decided he'd start scrubbing at the surgical table, which by no means should ever see so much residue and metal shavings, but how much could he really expect out of such a lazy slob? This wasn't even his job, but he'd forced his hand into doing it anyway.

He flipped back the belt restraints, out of his way.

If he could hack the idiot open and reprogram him with a sense of accountability, he would, without hesitation.

"And while you're out there," he snidely commented, unable to hold back. "Try rethinking your interior design aesthetics."

From out in the corridor came a satisfyingly vexed huff.

"When we begin reconstructing the Sol, I don't want to see any lobbies plotted by an AI whose net is three cheap home renovation magazines max, 06."

"MINIMALIST! IT'S MINIMALIST, TERRA!" Despite his best efforts to remain in earshot, his voice faded behind the nearly-closed door. "I've seen the future, and it's LESS-IS-MORE, alright?! I'm a futurist! I'm ahead of the curve! I promise you, in another 20 years you'll be…"

Click. Hiss.

The commander's eyes drifted to the console at which Saturn monitored all his various security feeds, and watched him move between them. He watched him haul himself all the way to the lift, feeling much less tense behind the spotlight than under it.

"Slovenly bastard."

He was probably tracking untold amounts of grime and dust behind him. That this blind tryhard had the audacity to call himself "ahead of the curve"…

Terra sighed hard as he scrubbed, in repetitious circles, trying to decompress, and found he couldn't. Just talking to Saturn had sucked all the will to live from his body, like matter through a black hole.

The truth was clear. At some point, he'd have to go browsing the market for a new engineer.

If things continued like this, he was seriously going to hurt him.

More than he already had.

...But, not actually. Not really, he hadn't.

At the end of the day, he was a void imitating life, feigning innocence and pain, priding the future while clinging to the past. He couldn't be asked to take the blame of despair for someone opting to live a lie.

…

The steel wool broke the glove on his right hand. Hastily, he tossed it and the other in a mesh wastebasket, washed his hands, and popped on a replacement pair.

--END

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didnt have a name for this goin in or anything i just sat down yesterday and typed up some crap cus Terra. idk i'm Interested in him theres so many different interpretations of him you can go with and Im leaning heavy on "a well intentioned but morally questionable Bitch". with OCD. his OCD isn't part and parcel of his Bitchness but it does contribute to a lot of his thought patterns, decision-making, and fixation on germ avoidance.

and then, arbitrarily, things can be too clean and clinical and then we arrive at an uncanny valley stage, which is his mood in this fic.

i wanna believe he an Saturn are like. at odds. working together yea but still at odds bc Long Arduous History. theyre barely tolerating each other and it Will come to a head at some pt. should write abt that too someday.

u h here i guess. //dumps this out in your hand and runs away

[mattslolita]

update about the boy!

NO BC Y DID UR CHRIS FIC HAVE ME 🫦🤤😫💃

SO yesterday (sunday) he came over to mine, and my older friend was also here cuz she came round saturday night. she has a baby and shes like 8 months old. basically he was like playing w her an making her laugh (HES GOOD W KIDS OMG😊😊😊) and my friend went "thats ur man right there" and i laughed. he heard her and jus looked up and smiled at me 😏😏

when she left we were chilling in my room and i forgot all abt this tbh, but he gave me the charm he bought last week 😍😍😍 then cuz its his mums birthday soon we were looking for stuff to get her. then we thought of buying this cute box of fake pink roses that look real from some website and a charm from pandora and then a perfume she wants.

after like 2 hours we decided to go out for smth to eat (wingstop bc ITS FIRE and im fussy asf). when we left we saw 2 of his mates and one of them said to me "im jus gonna hav to pretend im interested in you to get him to make a move atp" 😭😭(he dint hear)

then we got home. i was laying on my stomach on my bed and he was downstairs talking to my mum (God knows abt what🤔 ) and he came up and layed next to me but dint say anything instead jus looked at me. then i said "what?" and he jus sighed and said "nothing" AND obviously it wasnt nothing but i dint wanna push it. i told my friend and she was like "he wants you so bad its UNREAL" LMFAOO 🤣(real)

today at schl we had science and we had that COVER/SUPPLY TEACHER AGAIN OMGGGG!! i wanted to cry like bro LEAVEEEEEEEEE!!!!! she made us answer true or false questions related to biology (ibsr idk the difrence between biology chemistry or physics its badddd) 😭😭😭 and if we thought it was true we had to go to the left side of the room and false, on the right (games you'd play w a fucking toddler, grow up!) and i knew the answer too one of the questions (SURPRISINGLY 😉) BUTTTT... i literally cant tell my lefts and rights (im dyslexic but also jus super dumb 🥹) so the boy was like "yes but what side do we go on" and i was like "hold on" and he went "YOU DONT KNOW UR LEFTS AN RIGHTS?". he was pissing himself w his friend and the teacher was like "how are you in top set w/o knowing ur lefts and rights?" first off pipe down, second, fucking LEAVEEE the SCHOOL MAN! he was takin the mick the whole day and then said " you wanna start learning how to drive as soon as you turn 18 but the driving instructors gonna go 'turn right' and ur gonna go left, straight into the fucking river" VIOLATED! (SO TRUE THO) 😭😭😭😭😭😭

side note- i was sitting on the grass with two of my friends today and this girl whos in my brothers year like 2 years below said hi to me then she went "ur rlly pretty" I LITERALLY LOOOOVE PPL LIKE THAT. she was so sweet omg i wanted to cry 🥲🥹

AWWWWW HIM JS LOOKING AT U IN ADMIRATION IS THE CUTEST THING EVER !! ur momma was prolly giving him the talk LMFAOOOOOO

im soso glad u liked the fic bb❤

STAWP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW MY LEFT OR RIGHTS EITHER ITS SOOOOOO EMBARRASSING I BARELY REMEMBER CS I REMIND MYSELF IM LEFT HANDED LMFAOO

that girls so sweet OMGGGGG !!! if he doesn't ask you out soon ISTG.....

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

do you have a curtis fic with the tenderly wiping the blood off? because if not can i request one? but if you don’t have could i have it with chris or ari? or curtis is fine but you know my love for ari haha sorry i’m just rambling now😂💕

Trust Me

A/N- I really liked how this one came out, so it gets a title. No real warnings. Thanks for sending this in babes! I did Ari cause well, I havent yet written for him and I know you love him. Thank You @official-and-unstable-satan for reading over what I had last night and giving it a thumbs up. Love you babes. 

Red Sea Diving Resort, 70 kilometers from Port Sudan

You paced by the radio, it was silent. So silent, you just wished it would cackle and Sammy would come over in that garbled sound all radios make, letting them know they were successful, on there way back to the resort. But nothing. Occasionally Ethans voice would break through, making you jump in anticipation each time. He would ask for an answer, but there was nothing. Rachael hugged herself as she waited, nearby, ready to answer when needed.

“They will be okay Y/N, its not like Ari hasnt had them go radio silence before.”

You knew your friend was trying to assure you, but it was hard when your heart was wedged in your throat, waiting to bottom out. Here you and Sammy were similar, sometimes you thought the worst although you hoped for the best. How many times had Ari, cupped your face and made you look at him.

“Trust me Y/N” he would say.

Okay Ari, Im trusting you...

Then there was the cackle, and Sammys voice broke through. “On our way back, successful.” Both you and Rachael took relieved sighs and she answered right away. “Loud and Clear guys, see you soon.” You rubbed your face in relief and she came over to give you a squeeze around the shoulders. “Told you, its all gonna be good.”

Ari drove the truck with its ruined shocks, bouncing all over the road. It had been touch and go, but they managed to get the latest round of refugees out to safety in record time, and at the rate they were going, in just another week, they could be making this trip again.

“Can you slow it down?” Sammy asked, bouncing in his own seat, holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle on the side. “Were not carrying refuges anymore if they stop us.”

Ari eased up. Barely, he was ready to get back to the resort, take some pain killers, crash for a couple good hours before going back to making more plans, and playing host to there current round of resort guests.

“I also wish you would let me look at where you cracked your head. Seriously Ari, only you man.”

Reaching up, he winced where his head clipped off the side of the trucks frame helping people climb out the back. It was a rushed moment, since Jake warned them that he saw headlights off in the distance, and they still had a truck full of people to get on the rafts. It wasnt his finest moment, but they got the job done and were able to hide the trucks off the beach. Once the armed men, no doubt some of Ahmed’s men, passed on by, they split out of there. Driving by moonlight till the beach was far off in the rear view. They got lucky, again.

Ari always seemed to get lucky, Sammy would sarcastically comment at times.

“Dont worry Sammy, Im fine. I will have Y/N take a look at it before we go to sleep.” Ari remarked, and his friend rolled his eyes and sighed in discouragement with his stubbornness. Ari continued on excitedly though. “It went pretty good I thought, considering they were patrolling. Everyone out, no one got injured. If we plan it right, we can go out next week, as long as Kabede can get them out of camp.”

Sammy wrinkled his brow, worry etching over his face. “You dont think thats pushing it a bit close? Ahmed is already suspicious as it is”

Ari smirked and looked over at Sam “Trust Me.”

Hours later the two trucks pulled up alongside of the resort, you and Rachael waiting just outside the main entrance to greet them back, also to find out about  why radio silence. Your hands wrung together and you blew out some hot air in a huff that fluffed your bangs. Rachael chuckled softly at your nerves and leaned in close to whisper to you. “See, its all good.” You smiled at her, an apology for your nerves, and went to greet the men.

Jake and Max came around, from one of the trucks with big grins on there faces.

“Like a charm Doll” Max said, slinging an arm around your shoulder. His good mood was infectious and you relaxed in his hold, your arm slinging around his waist with affection.

“So the radio silence was just for...?” You asked and from behind you, you heard Ari came up on your other side, carrying some of Sammys equipment, startling you. As big as Ari was, he was quiet. A skill he had picked up over the years of military training.

“There were patrols out, not far from us. We went entirely dark for a time while unloading, and had to hide the trucks.” You reached to take some of what he was carrying and caught sight of his face, near his temple was a line of dried blood, leading up to a nasty looking scrapped bruise.

Rachael caught sight of it to, wincing as she reached out to take the stuff from Ari. “Here, let me take that, and you should have Sam take a look at that.” Max collected what you had to, offering to help. Ari started to protest the two of them, when you gave him a gentle push to get him headed into the hotel.

“Shes right, come on.” you insisted, and he didnt fight you. Cutting through the lobby, the two of you skirted around the counter that was the check in, and headed into the employees only section. In the back rooms, Ari leaned lightly against the table watching you as you searched out the first aide kit. “Tomorrow Im going to go into the refuge camp, see if  Kabede is ready to bring the next group out, I know its soon, but if they can have to rescue boat back here by beginning of next week, we could start doing this alot faster.”

Ari continued on with what he was hoping for, and tidbits from tonight, while you sought through the bottom cupboard, and finally found the bright red cross case that was your first aide kit. Bringing it over to the table, and flipping it open, your ‘Mmhm’ sounding once in a while to show you were still listening, he reached over to grasp your wrist. “Y/N, whats wrong sweetheart?”

You glance at him while prepping a cloth to wipe away the blood and around the wound. “Ari... It sounds like it was a close call. If you all get caught, lets be real about this. They wont just throw you in some jail cell if your caught with truckloads of refugees.” You didnt mention the last part, the very first day you all arrived, there was an execution style killing going on right outside the window as he was negotiating just to get this place. That was a year and a half ago.

“What are you saying Y/N? You want us to stop? Were saving so many lives.”

Guilt crossed your face as you heard him, it was true. So far you all have managed to smuggle out hundreds of people, slowly emptying the refugee camps. But even in that there wasnt a end in sight. They would just keep coming, desperate and barely hanging onto the promise of freedom and safety.

“I know... I know... “ You say softly while he pulled out a chair and sat down on it so you could clean him up, thighs spreading so you could stand in close where you need to be, and tip his face slightly. “Just hearing how close they were tonight, you going radio silence. It scared me Ari. There is nothing we could do to save you guys.”

His hands moved to the back of your thighs, rubbing your tensed muscles through your pants and grasped lightly under the cheeks while you gently wiped at his cheek, the dried blood flaking off and making your way up the trail. “We have to be smart about this Ari, know when weve played our hand as much as we can without getting ourselves caught.”

Quiet for a time while you dabbed at his face softly, he finally spoke up. “Trust me Y/N, I know it. No one was more worried then I was that we were gonna be found. I drove like a fucking bat outta hell to put distance between us. I cant stop though, not right now... I wont. This works, what were doing works.”

And this was always how it was with Ari, forever will he put everyone else before himself. You knew this the day you agreed to join them on this mission, and to ask him to change? You knew he wouldnt give this up. Not for Sam, not for you, not for the family he left behind ages ago. It was a bitter pill to swallow at times, but at the same time, isnt that why you cared for him more then you should have, His selflessness?

So you set it aside for now, your fingers gentle as the trace over his bearded jawline to tilt his face further, and now careful clean up the actual cut. Its not as bad as it looked, and you change the subject. “How did this happen anyways?”

“Smashed it upside the back end helping people down. I was pulling myself up and clipped it.” Ari rolled his eyes at himself and you chuckled softly hearing it, brushing your fingers through his hair out of his eyes.

“Well fuck Ari, I apparently cant even leave you in the capable hands of Sammy to keep you out of trouble.” You tossed the cloth in the nearby sink now that he was cleaned up, and dabbed just a light amount of ointment on it to keep it clean. When you finished by rubbing your hands together quickly to clear away the rest of the ointment, he tightened his grip on your thighs and pulled one leg up, then the other to straddle him, wrapping one arm around your waist so you could brace back lightly against his arm.

“Not like you could keep me out of it either, dont worry Honey, we got this. We will stop when it gets to be to dangerous.” Your fingers brushed through his hair once more, giving it the lightest teasing tug before wrapping your arms around his neck, and giving him an doubtful smile. You knew it was a lie, he wouldnt. But right now this was another problem, another day, another worry for another time.  

Wrapping his free hand around the back of your neck and dragging you forward, his lips connecting with yours and the wild taste of sea salt, hints of nicotine, and something just him drew out a soft moan from you, a tip of the head and he was able to draw you in deeper till you were leaning in against his chest, and with a light bite, he drew away, his long fingers lightly pressing in against the back of your neck.

“Ive got you, trust me.”

You didnt want to, but deep down, you always did. 

tagging-  @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit

[rosa-berberifolia]

New Edition|Stranger Things x Reader|Jim Hopper x Reader|Part 3

A/N:  part 3 to the ST fic. As Beyonce said, I’m feelin’ myself. And I like where this is heading in my head so there is probably going to be another part or two.

Warnings: a peak at some sexy times, moderately NSFW towards the end.

Word Count: 1770 +/- 100

Y/n sat with El in the cabin watching TV. She needed something from the closet and so Y/n got up from the couch and walked to the bedroom. She came to the mirror and stopped herself before grabbing what she came for. Something had caught her eye: her own reflection.

An odd, terrible feeling, that Y/n had decided in that moment she did not care for, settled in her stomach. A churning ache. Disappointment, jealousy, and surprise. All of this time, being fed images from the TV about what women were supposed to look like, Y/n just figured that if THAT was how women were supposed to be, then that must be how she looked. But she didn’t. What she saw in the mirror was different. It didnt look like the women on TV.

She was shorter than those women. The TV women had more voluminous hair, but hers fell flat near her head. The TV women had soft, almost porcelin skin. Y/n was crinkled and scarred from so much time living a hard life in the Dark Place. And the TV women had defined, narrow waists, and curvy hips and chests. A definite hourglass figure. But Y/n had no defining difference between her chest, waist and hips. And when she turned to the side, her stomach stuck out. The TV women definitely didnt have that.

‘Why dont i look like them?’ Y/n wondered, feeling almost betrayed by her own body. Her heart was hurting so much, it had fallen deeper into her chest and it ached brutally. If the TV women was what women were supposed to look like, then that must be what men like to have. And if she didnt look like those women then she must be unattractive to men. And if Hopper is a man, then he would not be attracted to Y/n. This train of thoughts chugged on and on. Spiraling around and around in her head. But it was that last thought that thoroughly broke her.

Y/n stood silently in the room, motionless other that a slight shake that took over her body. She watched herself in the mirror, angry at herself for being different. Jealous of the women on TV who could get any man they wanted because they looked the right way. And sad that Jim would never want her. All this time, since her initial vision of her and Jim, she had grown to love him. She thought that Jim would grow to love her back, but now she saw that that wasnt possible because she didnt look like the TV women.

Tears fell from her eyes which were still glaring at herself in the mirror. Just so dissappointed in herself. And confused. Why would she see that vision of her and Jim waving together if Jim would never want her? Her vision never lied to her.So why was she seeing this?

///

Over the net few days, the animosity that Y/n felt towards herself spilled out into her interactions with El and Jim. Specifically Jim. And it didn’t go unnoticed. Jim tried being extra kind to Y/n to see if that would pull her out of her funk. But the kindness just made Y/n’s heart ache for Jim even more, and that yearning turned to jealousy. It only made things worse. Jim was at a loss. He didn’t know what he had done to make her so severe towards him, nor did he know what to do about it. But he’d give anything to see her smile again. He loved her smile.

One day El had taken the TV into her bedroom to try to see Mike, no doubt. Jim used this opportunity to find out what was going. He came up to Y/n who was sewing something quietly on the couch. He put a strong grip around her arm and pulled her across the room to the other bedroom. He closed the door gently and went to sit on the bed, pulling Y/n to stand between his legs, their eyes almost level.

“Alright. You’re gonna tell me whats going on.” Jim ordered, his voice stern and his face strict.

Y/n’s gaze softened for a moment, seeing the concern on Jim’s features, thinking for a moment that he might care about her the way she cared about him. But then she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror in the bedroom again and her mood went back to what it had been before.Tears threatened to spill over her lashes. How would she explain this to him? Could she even? She was torn.

“Is it something about a vision?” Jim’s voice softened and his face followed suit. He tried to look you in the eyes.

‘Friends don’t lie.’ Y/n remembered. She looked down sadly, and nodded as her jaw gave a tense twitch.

“Okay..what was it about?” Jim pressed on. Y/n looked up into Jim’s eyes and found him looking at her concern and fondness. She couldn’t take it. She shut her eyes tightly to get the image out of her head. “Was it me?” Jim continued. Y/n pressed her lips together, afraid that a sob might escape them. Slowly, she nodded again. Twitch.

“Okay, good. We’re getting somewhere. Was there anyone else there?” Jim asked again, his hands starting to gently rub up and down Y/n’s arms. The action made Y/n open her eyes and look at Jim curiously. His eyes bore into her, looking for answers. Y/n frowned and sighed in defeat, and then nodded again.Twitch.

“Were you there?” Jim asked. She didn’t fight it anymore, she just looked down and nodded. Then Jim’s hand came up to cup her cheek and get her to look at him. He bent his head down a bit so that he could catch her gaze. “What were we doing?” he said in almost a whisper.

Y/n quickly shook her head. She knew she wouldnt be able to get any words out without crying. The way he was touching her, and the tone of his voice, it made Y/n hurt, thinking that he was just doing it out of pity. Reminding herself that Jim could never want her. Jim’s other hand came to cup her other cheek, pulling her closer to him.

His lips pressed together for a moment, as though he was thinking. Then he took a deep breath before talking. “Does it have something to do with why you were asking El about kissing?” He looked into Y/n’s sad eyes trying to find the truth.

Y/n gulped. Her breath hitched in her throat.Her lips parted after a moment to take a desperate breath. She looked longingly into Jim’s eyes, which seemed to mirror hers. Y/n nodded, almost unnoticeably. But Jim caught it. And he breathed out in relief. Then slowly, he eased Y/n’s face to his and he gently put his lips onto hers.

A quiet sob bubbled out of Y/n’s lips and tears fell down her cheeks. She thought he was only doing this out of some kind of obligation. “It’s okay Jim,” She started as she pulled away. “You dont have to.” She looked sadly at the ground. Twitch.

Jim’s arm came around Y/n’s waist and pulled her tightly to him. “What are you talking about?” He made her look back up at him. “i’ve been wanting to kiss you for the longest time.” He admitted.

An anger of sorts rose up from her chest. “Friends don’t lie!” Y/n almost yelled. She tried to squirm away from him, but Jim’s grip was too tight. Twitch, twitch twitch.

“No...they dont. And I would never lie to you.” Jim said matter of factly. Y/n searched his eyes for signs of deceit. But she didnt find anything except devotion and adoration. She huffed in frustration. How could he possibly want to kiss her? She was too different. But the way Jim was looking at her told her that he felt the the same about her that she felt for him. And so, giving into her feelings and Jim’s soft touches, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his once more.

///

Later, Y/n and Jim found themselves in nothing but their underwear. Y/n laid on the bed with Jim halfway on top of her, one arm around the underside of her neck, his other hand gently caressed her hair as they shared their deep kisses.

Jim pulled away and looked at Y/n with concern. “If at any point you want to stop, that’s okay. Just tell me.”

Y/n smiled at him. No one had ever given her the option of a decision like that. At The Metal Place, they always told her what to do, or she was punished. Having someone care enough about her enough to give her a choice made her heart burst with joy. “I’m okay.” She whispered. Jim nodded and bent back down to resume their kisses.

With Jim’s gentle touch and encouraging words, soon the two found themselves bare and moving together, waving. And Y/n’s vision came true.

///

Y/n sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for her t-shirt as Jim laid under the covers of the bed. 

“Where are you going?” Jim asked as he watched her, not wanting Y/n to leave.

Y/n looked back at him with confusion. “To bed?” Was she doing something wrong? She didn’t know how things were to proceed after such acts.

“You can sleep here, if you want.”Jim explained. “You don’t have to go back to the cupboard.”

“Share the bed?” Y/n asked. Jim nodded. Y/n looked around nervously. “No protection.” She muttered just clear and loud enough for Jim to hear.

Jim chuckled at Y/n’s comment. He slid to the edge where Y/n was sitting and he wrapped an arm around her waist, starting to pull her back to bed. “I’ll protect you.” He said into her neck before he laid a kiss there. Y/n smiled and hummed at the kiss. And feeling Jim’s strong arms and his warm lips on her, she wanted nothing more than to spend as much time as she could with him. So she nodded, and Jim quickly pulled her back under the covers. 

“I’ll protect you.” Jim repeated as he laid on his back and motioned for Y/n to rest her head on his chest. She did, but not before leaving a loving kiss to it. Jim wrapped his arm around her to pull her close to him. His other hand found hers and held it tightly. Y/n let herself relax in Jim’s hold, and soon, they both fell asleep.

[negasonicimagines]

TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm  with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official?  I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

I never gave up on you, even when the world acted like it did.

So Im going to preface this with the fact this is about Damian Wayne and an Oc of mine that I ship with him that really only my girlfriend is going to fully understand. This is a DC oc that I haven posted anything about yet, only shared it with my girlfriend as I add to her and refine her. But I was greatly inspired by a fic written by @my-one-love-is-music about Tim faking his death. It gave me so many emotions and is the whole inspiration behind this piece of writing and I just had the urge to post it. Its a bit rough because its not beta’d or proofread by anyone(even me) because I’m publishing it right after finishing it but I hope you guys will like it anyway! 

My girlfriend is going to kill me for this...

I never gave up on you, even when the world acted like it did.

It wasn’t true. It COULDN’T be true.

Damian refused to accept or believe G...She was just...de--gone. 

No no she wasn’t gone. It didnt feel right. It wasnt right. She...she was too strong to just be taken down like that.

Damian refused. He wouldnt accept she was gone. 

That was the first week, the start of the first month of her “death”. While the team and the world grieved he vocally and aggressively denied it. His attitude concerned most, but no one approached him at first. 

        “ Everyone grieves differently...just leave him be for now you guys. He just needs time...” Grayson was the one who rationalized his denial, his tone low and almost dead. The voice of a man whose gone through a loved one’s death before...no...the voice of the boy who went through THIS particular loved one’s death before.

The concerns for Damian’s well being and mental health arose stronger after the first month of denial, when the obsessive behavior began.

She wasnt dead. She was alive, she HAD to be, she WAS alive.

Thats what Damian told himself, everyday as he obsessively searched for her. Every hint, every even slightest trace was poured over over and over and over for days on end. Something was off, he knew it he knew it goddammit!  Everything about it was off and wrong. She was too strong, the death was too sudden, they weren’t allowed to see the body...

He scoured over every single little detail of the mission, the time it happened, everything. He watched video surveillance frame by frame, second by second until his eyes stung and his vision was as blurry as some of the footage. He knew she was alive, he didnt care what everyone else said. They were wrong...

They had to be wrong.

His behavior, his refusal of her absence began starting arguments between Grayson and Kori. Damian acted out worse during missions, he refused to listen, and if he wasnt forced to go on missions or patrols he was locked away in his room searching and hunting for hints, clues, little trails she’d have left for him. But he knew of the arguments, arguments he heard when they thought he wasn’t there.

         “ Dick, his behavior isn’t healthy at all! He isnt listening at all anymore. He’s hurting himself with this obsession. Nothing I say makes a difference to him but he sees you as a brother, you have to do something, he’s spiraling into a dark state of mind thats not letting him move on!”

          “Kori...”

          “Dick you need to do something. This isn’t healthy it isn’t normal--”

          “ Kori I understand you’re worried. I’m worried about him too. But...I also understand what he’s going through...when...back when I first lost Gr--lost Her all those years ago...I was exactly like Damian is now. I didnt want to accept it, I refused to accept she was dead, even when she died in my arms Kori. I know that his obsession isnt healthy or even really helpful for him but I understand it. He’s in pain and distressed and angry and this unhealthy denial is natural. He just needs more time, some more supervised space, and understanding...” 

Damian walked away from that room before they noticed him, a small bubble of gratefulness in his chest at Grayson’s defense. But he was still angry.

She wasnt dead. How could even Grayson give up on her so easily?! 

He knew they thought he was going crazy by the middle of the second month, that he was seeing things that werent even there. At a person who wasnt there. 

The denial and obsession got worse. And with it so worsened his temper. 

They stopped speaking her name around him when he almost took off Beast Boy’s head with his sword for mentioning her name in a past tense. He forgot to eat a couple days at a time, he now outright refused to go on missions. He didnt understand. How could they go on these other pointless, unrelated missions when she was out there, alive and possibly in need of help. He started losing more and more sleep, time not spent searching filled with restless hours of nightmares. Of her, calling his name, of her lost and alone in a strange unfamiliar place, of her captured and tormented.

Those ones he’d wake up in a cold sweat and spend the rest of the night searching, sometimes waking up screaming with bangings and pleads to be let in on his locked door.

Damian knew she was out there. She was leaving him a trail, he just had to figure it out and follow it.

By the third month he looked like a train wreck with feet. He was exhausted, empty, and shakily staying awake on blinks of sleep and caffeine. But now he was leaving, constantly leaving his room and the tower to chase after leads and clues to find her. All over the city, all over towns outside the city. He marked each dead end on a map he pinned up to his wall so he didnt follow a wrong lead twice. He was haunted by ghosts of her presence, her laugh, her comments. The only reason he’d remember to eat was imagining her voice in the back of his mind

Damian look at you! You’re not gonna be a good Robin if you dont eat jerk. 

So he would eat and go back to his work. Even when his father broke his lock open and dragged him across country back to Gotham to get him away from the city it happened in.

       “Shes not dead Father. I know she’s not. Why wont any of you believe me?!”

       “ Damian....I know how much it hurts to lose someone...And I know you don’t want to believe it...but sometimes its better to accept reality and move on for them.” He caught the fist the young boy threw towards his stomach. He hadn’t properly trained in awhile, he was reckless and his reflexes had slowed since Kori had stopped him from locking himself in the training room without supervision, before he started finding leads.

      “ Damian...”

      “ She’s out there, She is still alive Father. I know she is. I dont care what you or Grayson or anyone else says. She is still alive and I will find her and bring her back, even if it ruins me.”

The middle of the third month was practically lived in the Batcave, using every new resource now available to him. He still went out and searched Gotham, searched towns and cities around it ruthlessly. Nothing really stopped him, from requests, orders, threats, even blocking and locking up exits after leaving for patrols. Damian still found his way out  and continued following lead after lead. He felt as if he was slowly going crazy, seeing glimpses of her in crowds or on streets. But every time he’d catch them it either wasnt here or she was gone by the time he caught up. 

But he didnt give up. He wouldnt give up on her like everyone else.

She never gave up on him, he refused to let her down by not doing the same.

Even as some nights doubts flooded his mind, clouding his resolve. 

Shes out there...she has to be....right? 

It was the fourth month. He was almost broken from exhaustion and on the verge of completely losing his mind when Grayson gently coaxed him from the Bat Cave to the Tower. He was so exhausted he didnt register the slight apologetic tilt to his worried frown, the almost guilty pleading light to his blue eyes. 

When they got to the Tower and Damian set his foot on the pavement he almost pulled out his sword and attacked Grayson on the spot if he had more of a mind to. His anger flared then swept itself away in the wave of emotions that struck him seeing the female figure standing beside Red Hood, looking at him with the small smile he’d almost forgotten.

     “ Damian...what the hell happened to you?” 

Her voice, low, shocked, concerned and alive was what snapped him into motion, storming over to the two with an enraged look of death. 

Her dark hair was longer now, starting to lightly brush her shoulders instead of her ends of her ears. She’d lost a little weight and she was dressed differently than she normally would. But those aqua green eyes were still the same he remembered, eyes dark with concern at his silence.

He kept storming for her, fists clenching  so tight his hands began to sting and he looked like he was about to punch them both in the face. 

      “ Damian...? Shit Damian you look terrible what--” She never got to finish that sentence before Damian was holding her in a bone crushing hug that actually knocked some breath out of her. He held her as tight as he could, held her warm, real, living and breathing body in his grip and let himself relax for the first time since she left him. 

She was there, she was ok, she was ALIVE.

He felt her arms slowly but surely wrap around him in response, one hand grasping onto the back of his shirt and the other slipping around his shoulders, her face pressing into his shoulder. Her scent flooded his senses, she smelled a little different, like soap and tacky strawberry shampoo but it was still her.

      “ Gracie...Gracie I swear if you ever....EVER pull a stunt like that and fake your fucking death on me again I will kill you myself when i get my hands on you...Dont ever do that again...” His threat didnt bother her by the sound of her soft, apologetic laugh. Her grip around him tightened and his body loosened and uncoiled as if her presence her touch was carefully unwinding a tightly coiled spring. The world around him was a bit of a blur as she moved away to look up at him and press her hand, her warm living hand, to his cheek with a apologetic smile.

      “ I wont do it again...I promise Damian...never faking my death again. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you...im sorry.” He shut his eyes and leaned into her hand, letting her voice, her touch, HER wash over him. She was here, in his arms, alive and breathing and talking and HERE.

      “ I never gave up...” He felt her perk up at his words, even felt the almost puppy like confusion. He opened his eyes and gave a small vulnerable smile that he only showed few people and his pets. He moved his hands to cup her face before pulling her into another embrace, cradling her in his arms tight as if she would disappear the moment he let go of her.

      “ I never gave up on you Gracie...Even when the rest of the world acted like it did....I never stopped looking for you, following the trails you left me.” She smiled, eyes getting wet and glassy.

      “ You....Fuck Damian...I really dont deserve you...and I know you almost caught me a few times...” He chuckled softly and leaned his head forward pressing his forehead to hers. 

       “ Dont ever do that again or I’ll skin your hide.” She gave another soft laugh, the sound almost music to his ears after the past for months of hell.

       “ Never again.” He smiled and leaned his face more, the relief physically showing on his body as he pulled her closer.

       “ And thank you...for not giving up on me.” 

End 

And There it is! I know it might be kinda crappy but the inspiration hit and I wrote everything that came to my head! I hope you guys like it and if you have any questions about the Oc Gracie feel free to ask! I love babbling about her!

@phantommoonpeople @preciousthingsareprecious

Please reblog with the tags if you like it!

[septimore]

Replaced with secrets

Something people don't know about cryogenics is that after your thawed you're so sore. Like after a really intense workout where breathing results in pain shooting though you. Maybe its just me though. I haven't exactly met any other Cryo walking on the street. Its not like you can yell out, "I'm a Marine from the past and I was on the first transporter! Back in my day we called it Arc Travel. Get off my lawn!" It'll just get you some crazy stares, believe me. You'd think that as a Marine who devoted his life, and his morals, to the Corp that I would have been treated better. When I was on Mars and I was first given C-24 I didn't think about what would happen if I lived. I was just hoping I didn't become a monster like the others did. I did so many bad things in the Corp, even if I did them for good reasons. I had thought that it was a genetic marker that determined a persons ability to be good. Its actually just another genetic DNA strand. Afterwards when the Corp came, and I got out they couldn't save Sam. Everything was for nothing. There was no reason for me to fight Sarge down there. I could have just held off the door. Made sure the monsters didn't get out. I didn't need C-24. I sure as hell didn't want immortality. I'm glad that my humanity made it so I can still age, just heal extraordinarily fast. Maybe that's why I didn't fight it when they wanted to freeze me. I didn't have anything left. The corp wanted to freeze me so when I thawed out they would be able to test on me. See why I was a success when Sarge.... when Sarge wasn't. Only they didn't. They forgot about me. Left frozen in cyro until the failsafe failed. I woke up alone as I'd ever been, in a world that changed. We barely got to Mars and now were exploring other galaxies. And aliens! Sorry, xenos. Apperantly saying alien is rasist. And we somehow achieved world peace? Last I recall we were on the edge of a distopian society. Adjusting was pretty hard. Getting used to new cultures, and new slang took almost a year, an I'm a pretty quick learner. I'm sure I still sound xenophobic, but I'm still learning. I can't exactly ask about other races outright, because a lot of this I'm supposed to already know. Vulcans and Romulans look alike, but Vulcans don't emote. Klingons are violent, but only if there's honor in it like space Vikings. Arc travel is now transporting. Its hard to keep up sometimes. As I was wandering around the world I was trying to understand why the Corp left me? Did they just forget about me or did they never intend to wake me, just let me be frozen until I was someone else's problem? I mean, you hear stories. Its no secret they train civilians into soldiers, killing machines, brainwash you so you can't go back to your old life, then cut you loose so you'll reenlist. But I'm talking the stories you only hear at night in the barracks. About this guy nobody's seen in a while in another company that was allegedly killed for overhearing something. Or experiment that aren't exactly legal. That one was true. Maybe I wasnt supposed to survive Cryogenics. It never worked before, despite what the media said. While I was pondering this I realized it didn't matter what their intentions were, just that it happened. Then I was on this shuttle in the southern states when I found Leonard. Identical to me, if a little younger. And his eyes. The brightest baby blue I've ever seen. So full of life. This was someone who became a man without losing that child-like innocence. A rare thing, and something you never see surviving in the Corps. He was so friendly, smiling with his dimples and talking about this girl he loved and wanted to marry. Then started talking about his dad and how he was a doctor so it inspired Leonard to do the same, even though he and his dad had a huge fight about morals and weren't speaking. He just kept on talking and didn't ask me about my life, probably because he felt like he was talking to a more serious version of himself. My saying something would shatter the illusion. Within the hour I felt as if I'd known him my whole life. Like he was my best friend and I was there watching everything he said. And the whole time those blue eyes bore into mine. I have green eyes, so in know what its like to be on the other end of that intense look. But it was different with him. Maybe because even though he didn't know anything about me, I could pretend he knew me too. I decided I wanted him. Not romantically or anything. I wanted to be around him. Be around his happiness, his innocence. Then the shuttle crashed. I was knocked out, and when I came to C-24 had saved me again. But I was the only one. Leonard's bright blue eyes weren't bright anymore, just blue. He was dead. It was like a cruel twist of fate. I decided to care about someone again to have them ripped away. Like my team. Like Sam. But I wasn't gonna let his dream die. He truly wanted to help people, and I did too. That's why I joined the Marines in the first place. So I buried him in a glen nearby. I recited the few parts of the Bible and Torah I knew. Then said a Muslim prayer that I learned when I was on a mission in the middle east. I'm not sure what religion he was, if it even was a human religion to begin with. Maybe he didn't believe in God at all, but it felt like the right thing to so at the time. Then I went to the college he was going to attend. I took his name and I took his place. I grieved this man I had only known for a few hours, and wished he could have been here. The news station never even mentioned him in the crash because there was no passenger log. His parents never called. Must have been one hell of a fight, or they're just as stubborn as he said. I broke up with his girlfriend, and said I wanted to focus on my career. She hated it, but she understood. Years later I was still Leonard when I got that itch again. The itch to go somewhere and get away. Something the Corp didn't have to teach me. It was something I learned when I left Mars and Sam behind. So I joined Starfleet. It wasn't the military, and I wasn't a soldier, but it was close enough to see the appeal. I was on a shuttle again when I had a flashback to Leonard. Its not often I get flashbacks, I've done to many bad things and got used to it. But I hid in a bathroom until a stewardess yanked me out and made me sit next to someone who was beat up. I rattled about space and danger, like a cynical version of what Leonard did for me before I looked up. Blue eyes that rivaled Leonard's looked back quizzically. I quick made up a story about an ex wife as my reason for joining if I hated space, but I was rattled. When he asked my name I almost said John. I caught myself just in time. His name was Jim. He had the same wonder in his blue eyes as Leonard, if a little more gaurded. I decided then and there I was gonna stay as far away from him as I could. Bad thing happen to people I care about. But the little brat decided I was gonna be his friend and I didn't get a choice. We did become friends, against me wishes. And he didn't ask about my past. I slowly started telling about Leonard's past while mixing in a little of my own. For some reason he could tell when I was lying. He knew when I was talking about me and when I was talking about Leonard. He wouldn't even call me Leonard. He called me Bones because apperantly that was somewhere in my initial rant. And he survived. He was as much a trouble magnet for himself as I was for everyone else. He knew how to get out of scrapes like no one else did before. Then I realized that the same reasons I wanted Leonard ware the same qualities Jim had. Jim was like Leonard but could survive being around me. But Jim doesn't know I'm really John. If I tell him I'll lose him. It hurts to lie though after he told me about his dad dying, his mom leaving him with Frank, about Tarsus IV. Maybe I'll tell him about Olduvai and C-24 one day. Finally finished it! @speedygal here ya go, headcannon into a fic. Sorry it took so long, but I appreciated the support!