#MAF Training

[losttrailrunner]

156 LostTrailRunner Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-txh6i-16e5882 If you happen to wonder why the show notes are in the third person it is because I am letting AI generate them. Sometimes these show notes crack me up because they seem to be so dramatic. In Episode 156 of The Lost Trail Runner, we delve into the trials and tribulations of returning to running after a series of setbacks. Our host shares his…

[ifitistobeitisuptous]

reality TV content warning

Look I gotta talk about this 2024 season of Australian Married at First Sight.

Sorry.

But a husband on there... giant waking red flag. ("Just one husband" you say, well I'm only on episode 2). He's so bad I couldn't sleep. I had to write this.

He's a personal trainer, which isn't a bad thing of itself, but...

Called himself an alpha.

said he likes freaky wild sex and isn't vanilla

Says he prefers submissive women

Says he's like Christian Grey (50 shades)

Prefers younger women

His wedding guests were family and clients! No friends.

Referred to his bride, at the reception, when talking to his guests, as "the chick".

Said his bride was a bit too opinionated but he'd set her right

there was probably some more but fuck me that's enough.

fuuuuuuck meeeeee

I mean... his bride is a horrible person also... but she doesn't deserve what's coming.

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

ive realized that nesta antis seem to fundamentally misunderstand how and why the intervention is abusive. no one is arguing that the ic is initially obligated to help - or at least, thats not what the argument is.

the ic is not responsible for nesta - feyre is not obligated to help nesta; that portion i absolutely agree with. the problem was - and always has been - that the ic personally put themselves in charge of nesta. they don't suggest - they demand. they couldve have literally just cut nesta off - and that would have been their right.

nesta is forced to go to the house of wind. she cannot leave by herself unless she has a chaperone. she cannot decide what she eats, what she wears, and who can visit her. she is forced to work in the library, she is forced to train in a foreign land. her clothes were already packed delivered to the house of wind before she attended the meeting -- before she even formally gave a response. her house WAS TORN DOWN BY THE TIME THE MEETING HAD EVEN STARTED. they had already made the decision before she could make it for herself. they personally put themselves in charge of her well being. feyre told nesta that if she had to be TIED UP AND FORCIBLY TAKEN to the house of wind - she would. that is not a choice. they then repeadedly ask HER TO DO COURT DUTIES AND INTENTIONALLY USE elain to force nesta into action. AND THEY DONT PAY HER FOR THIS. SHE STILL HAS TO GO RIGHT BACK TO THE HOW.

they literally deemed her too mentally ill function in society, to live by herself -- but sure lets send on her these missions (and she is then sexually assaulted TWICEEE).

yall - thats not legal by even our standards. in many ways its written much worse than tamlin's scene in maf bc the story justifies itself.

you cant argue that the ic is not responsible for nesta when THEY DECIDED to intervene. at that point, nesta IS their responsibility. she literally has to depend on them to eat, sleep, live, and work. they take measures to make her completely dependent on them. she has to sleep in the house of wind with cassian, even though she explained that she wanted nothing to do with him.

like if you dont like nesta - good on you. but this idea that we should always rely on this "we know what they meant" is so annoying bc nesta literally almost DIES bc cassian literally ignored and watched nesta waste away JUST LIKE TAMLIN DID. no one noticed that she was terrified of the sound of wood crackling - she just sat there and endured it. and everyone called her a bitch about it. and the fact that maf uses these same scenario to call out tamlin but not cassian reiterates the problem with this series. these topic are nothing outside of how you can continually justify your favs. it doesnt take much to see how cassian and tamlin literally do the same things , yet ive not seen one meta from that side earnestly discussing it bc "nesta is difficult" very nasty behavior is you ask me.

[extremely-judgemental]

Cassian is ugly and his arc is messier. The more you look into his past and his chemistry/dynamic with other characters, his behaviour doesn’t corroborate with his words, and it becomes harder to see him as the goofy, sunshine guy SJM wants us to believe.

(response to this by @flat-neines. I agree with everything you pointed out and I didn’t want to hijack your post, so here we are. This has been in my drafts for months and I didn’t have the mental capacity to put them in a coherent order, and it’s a LOT (also because I didn’t want to dedicate another post to this mf, really). So, have an open mind and take it with a grain of salt. If anyone doesn’t want another long rant, you should read that one lol.)

Cassian is devoted to Rhysand.

For a bastard who’s constantly dismissed in his life, Rhysand is the first one to give him the validation he craves. Of all the boys, he was the chosen one and his life turned around when he was basically adopted (I’m not gonna repeat this again, you can read it here). Because of this, he is more loyal to Rhysand than his people, his title, his armies, or even his court.

Cassian doesn’t see Azriel as his equal.

He’s been enjoying this new life for a whole year and only befriends Rhysand after Azriel comes into the picture. They both are bastards. They both are underprivileged. Cassian’s unwarranted aggression towards an already abused boy, who doesn’t know how to fly or fight, outside their training can imply that he saw him as a threat to his status with Rhysand. So, he put him in his place.

There are two other instances where his sense of superiority comes through. First, in the dinner scene in MAF where he boasts about giving Azriel hell and he doesn’t hesitate to share about his captivity. There’s no emotional cue in the conversation that indicates he truly feels bad for either of those. Morrigan has to interrupt the guy who is supposedly emotionally so capable of reading the room that he gets Feyre’s trauma during their training better than anyone and ‘knows’ what Nesta needs to heal.

Second during Eris’s seduction in SF. Cassian is jealous only when Eris is dancing with Nesta. Azriel can keep up with her too, but he isn’t bothered by it. It’s dismissed because they are friends and he trusts his friend. But Cassian’s insecurity is that he’s a brute through and through and it’s why Nesta sees him as less than. And Azriel is well-mannered compared to him in every way. He’s polite, he sings and dances, and also he has a way with people which is noted in his interactions with the Archeron sisters and the priestesses. But his mannerisms don’t bring out these fears in Cassian. (Insecurities don’t understand if you’re their friend or foe.)

If, instead of being a bastard, Azriel had been a true son of a lord, their dynamic would’ve been so different. 

Cassian doesn’t love Morrigan.

Both are bastards, but Morrigan, the second woman he encounters in his life, is drawn to Azriel and not him. Cassian knows Azriel longer, he knows how much he’s been deprived of love, and he knows his reservations around people. He still chooses to hurt him and only realises his mistake when he sees the look on his face, but he already knew his brother is in love. The reason that makes sense is Morrigan validates him by sleeping with him, proves that he isn’t at the bottom of the pyramid, there’s someone else beneath him—Azriel. Once he got that, he moved on. It’s why he’s not bothered by her endless partners which clearly affects Azriel. Which is why he still flirts with her because he doesn’t regret it.

And now, he still doesn’t love Morrigan. He’s infatuated with the idea of the 17-year old big-eyed girl who saw him as a saviour. With the sexual element thrown in, she became the standard against which other women in his life are measured.

Cassian doesn’t want a mate.

His dream is to have children—not specifically a mate—so that he can be a better father. He only mentions ‘mate’ because he knows he has one. Mating bonds are rare and the one he witnesses is the worst of the ‘mating bond gone wrong’ cases with Rhysand’s parents. His desire for a mate is not as woven into his identity as it is for Azriel. He wants a woman to bear his children—like the other Illyrians, and for him, it’s convenient that she’s already chosen. Even without a mate, Cassian would have settled with any woman as long as he could parent someone. This also shows in the way he treats Nesta. If he yearned for such a bond, he wouldn’t disrespect it as much as he did and definitely wouldn’t prioritise Rhysand over it.

The second bond he witnesses is between Rhysand and Feyre. Since he doesn’t know what happened UtM, all he sees is Feyre knowing the ‘bad guy’ act and still falling in love with his best friend, Feyre supporting him and going along with his every decision. Given how Cassian idolises him, he wants to replicate their relationship even to the point of breaking Nesta to his will. He wants someone to be his Feyre.

His treatment of Nesta in SF is more than his loyalty to Rhysand. The first and only woman to nurture him is Rhysand’s mother. She took him in, fed him, clothed him, educated him. She cared for him in ways his mother should have and couldn’t. Cassian wants an amalgamation of Rhysand’s mother (the ideal mother for his children) and young Morrigan (his dream standard). But he’s stuck with Nesta who is neither ‘motherly’ to anyone nor does she admire him. When Cassian says ‘he’s shackled to her’, he means it. So, he moulds her into someone who is in awe of him, puts him on a pedestal, and makes him feel like a superior male.

Cassian’s arc is fake and forced.

The beginning of SF is quite strong with Cassian doubting himself. He is a War General and yet he struggles to earn the respect of his people because of his status. He’s thrust into the role of a courtier and he questions himself more and more as he’s not a high-born, nor is he trained to handle such diplomatic situations. 

Cassian is no Jon Snow.

His insecurities stem from the fact that he’s a bastard born to an unnamed father. It’s rooted in his core identity. However, Cassian’s situation is not so unique. Of course, he lost his mother because of his birth and that’s an incomparable trauma but it’s also common among his people who breed women. Every boy is thrown into the camps and trained, and only rightful ones are allowed in the Blood Rite. They don’t even live with their families and the only exception is Rhysand. Not to dismiss his trauma, but his insecurity falls flat and undermines the narrative when we factor in Illyrian culture.

All this could have been fixed if Cassian had tried to earn the respect of his people instead of the courtiers who were never going to anyway. Though he’s a War General, he doesn’t share camaraderie with his soldiers, he doesn’t live with them, and he has no respect for them. He does nothing to change his own beliefs or prove to others that he's more than a bastard. Instead, he uses a ‘you have no right to judge me’ attitude while constantly looking for approval everywhere.

Instead of addressing it where it counts, he’s comparing himself with Lucien and Eris, but not Vassa (a human queen) and Jurian (a renowned human War general). Why does an Illyrian who yearns for respect from his people compete with a select few who are only high fae and are of royal blood?

Nesta is his cure-all.

There’s one instance that truly marks Cassian’s supposed growth—where he sees his real ‘worth’—when Nesta admires him for his wits and apologises. In the same conversation, he admits his act was inspired by her. This is meant to be a ‘We make each other better’ moment but it fails miserably as Cassian spends the entire book tearing her down. He shows little to no concern for her wishes or needs. He assaults her in her room, stalks her, dismisses the bargain, and coerces her into an imbalanced relationship. For someone who cares so little about Nesta and her opinion of him, his fears being wiped out in a single conversation is laughable. For someone who doesn't believe he's smart, he sure seemed quite smug about outdoing an evil witch instead of it being pointed out by others and coming to the realisation being a bastard has nothing to do with being a hero.

(This could also be seen as his jealousy which leads him to fuel her self-loathing and fears so that Nesta never realises she deserves better than him. Which is quite similar to what he does with Azriel. The only ones he allows to surpass him are Rhysand, Feyre by extension, and Morrigan since he already got what he wanted from her.)

On the other hand, the one whose validation he truly seeks is Rhysand. Cassian's inner monologues clearly suggest his attempt at embodying him during the different meetings. Despite this imitation, he says the aforementioned to Nesta which can only be seen as a manipulation tactic.

I don’t even think this conflict was even in the OG Cassian character. SJM slapped it on him just for SF because it’s convenient and he needs an arc in his book. But she doesn’t want to fix Illyria or even give it a spotlight, so she stuck with Cassian trying to beat Eris. His insecurities aren’t even resolved. He still hasn’t come to terms with him being a bastard. His healing requires acceptance from himself first and also deep self-reflection. Nesta is only a supply for his ego and an emotional punching bag. Honestly, Cassian disgusts me more than Rhysand.

[ae-neon]

Cassian who lost the ability to fly after MAF

Either losses or gains weight in the ensuing depression

Kicks into soldier mode as the war looms, focuses on training Devlon's rejects and does really well, pulling together a really great ragtag squad

Gains a bit of respect and Devlon makes sure they have what they need

Gains back a lot of muscle mass but also some fat, looks tewww good 🔥

Has a lot of respect for Nesta doing what she can for the injured during the war

Devlon is injured in the war (fatal or not) and hands off his camp to Cassian, some people refuse and leave but word spreads all over Illyria and the new camp attracts vets, disabled Illyrians, bastards and women

It's targeted and almost burnt down but this actually ends up swaying some centrists over and they help to rebuild it

Triggers the beginning of some social change in Illyria no white saviour trope needed

His best soldiers, including women, are assembled into a small squad and sent into the Rite and win it

Bonus

Is unbanned from summer and becomes close with Varian, takes his camp members there and they learn to sail as the NC invests in a navy

(also he prefers Summer's food)

[jinnie-ret]

ep.1: meet the wives

ratings: fluff

warnings: small mentions of ADHD, cancer, death, body size, cheating

running time: 1.5k words

summary: the brides to be gather and meet each other for their hen party, before they get married.

SKZ MAFS EPISODE LIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Hi!!! I'm Aurora, but most people call me Rori, I'm 25 and I've been single for 2 years," Aurora grinned toothily at the camera as she introduced herself.

"I joined this experiment because I just want to meet someone who makes me feel safe, you know?" her tone has shifted to more of a sad one, but from the way she presented herself you could tell she was good at hiding that side of her.

"I've definitely had some experiences before that have changed who I was as a person, and it's not a nice feeling at all, it's dreadful," Aurora admitted, hinting at something else that must have affected her, eyes unable to look into the camera anymore, or even the person asking the questions to her.

"These past 2 years I think I've really grown as a person, like massive personal growth. I've managed to come out of that time where things were darker, and I just want a husband that will help me see the lighter times too."

"I moved to South Korea from the UK not too long after my previous relationship, and I now work as a nurse! It's a really rewarding job, long hours, but so rewarding. I think it's important my husband cares about hard work too, and yeah."

"Yeah, my family thinks I'm absolutely insane for joining this process, of course they do!" Dallas giggled and covered her mouth as she threw her head back, just imagining and remembering the looks her family gave her when she told them she was going on a show where she'd be marrying a stranger.

"Hi, I'm Dallas! I'm only 21, but, I had been in a relationship for 5 years. I think obviously I've changed since I was a kid, I'm a woman now, and I think now that I'm a woman I need a man," she shrugged her shoulders lightly with a small smile, almost becoming shy at admitting what she wanted in a husband.

"Someone who... is quite calm in their nature, I'd say. Sometimes my brain feels too busy, I do have ADHD and that can sometimes be quite overwhelming. So I think I want someone that'll calm me down but also accept who I am, yeah," she explained as the camera panned to her knee jolting up and down from ner seat.

"For my job I actually have my own little flower shop, and I don't think I'd rather be doing anything else. Some people say to me it must get boring but there's so many stories with the people I meet and why they want to buy their flowers and-" she cut herself off.

"I'm rambling, aren't I? To put it simply, yeah it's a small business, but I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Hi, I'm Sienna! I've never had a boyfriend before, so, yes, coming onto a show where I'm going to have a husband, it's, umm, how you say? Crazy, haha. Why am I here? Haha," Sienna's Polish accent came through as she spoke, adding some charm to her.

"I just think... The male figures in my life are very important to me. I remember the day I was told my father had cancer, that was the day I learnt he was going to die from it..." she bravely admitted, eyes welling up with tears. The screen showed her grabbing a tissue.

"Sorry can I have a moment?" she sniffled, holding her hand up to block the view of her getting upset.

"He always told me to think with my heart, and I think that's something that will stick with me forever. I know he won't be there the day I get married, but I've got a part of him with me always," she spoke gently of her father's warm advice.

"I think I can come across as quite closed off, I am training to be a lawyer, so I feel like I have to look at things quite unbiased, but with love... I'm not sure how it will go. I think I just want someone who will accept me for me, you know?"

"This is 100% the right place for me to be. I want love, I need it. I'm done living my lonely girl era. I mean that era was a whole year but let me tell you it was a long year," Octavia admitted as she sheepishly shrugged her shoulders.

"I've been in and out of relationships a lot, and they've never really matched me. It always left me thinking, maybe I was too much for them to handle?"

"I just want someone cheeky who will match my humour, that's a big thing for me. Someone who is ambitious too, yeah that's important for me as well," she nodded, describing her ideal type.

"I'm a model, I travel quite a lot for different shoots or campaigns so I hope that my husband is someone who could handle that, and cope with my busy lifestyle."

"Hi, I'm Valentina! I'll say it how it is, plain and simple like that. I work in sales, it's not the most interesting job I'll be honest, but it pays the bills, haha," she laughed, tossing her over her shoulder and giving a 'help me' look to the camera jokingly.

"I just live for the Fridays where me and my girls can go to the bar at the end of a long day and do a bit of karaoke. I have been told I have quite a good voice, not to brag," Valentina smirked.

"What do I want in a husband? I need someone who can handle my fieriness, someone who will accept me for me."

"I think people look at me a certain way, I'm not a prude, but I want my fairytale. My parents have been together for 40 years now, they're so important to me. My family is my world. So, as ambitious as it may sound, I want to have my fairytale in this experiment."

"Hi, I'm Tanaka! All I know is old people, fish, and the sea. You don't get a lot of people my age near the village I live," she introduced herself.

"I'm from Japan but live near the beach in Uljin! I'm looking for love, and I don't quite know what that will look like yet but I need something to fill the void," there was a pause as she spoke seriously, before she chuckled and leant back into her chair, "too deep?"

"I work at an aquarium, people come in with their kids, it's definitely something I want one day... Even if I can't carry them myself."

"I want my husband to understand me I think, which will be hard because I don't fully understand myself. But maybe they'll bring a different side out of me? Who knows haha... I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm Taniyah! I need a man that can handle a big girl-" Taniyah gave a cute look to the camera and looked it up and down as if she was flirting with whoever was watching. The camera quickly cut.

"Is that too much?" she giggled heartily, her hand habitually resting on her chest as she did so.

"Guys I've been with in the past... They've only wanted to get with me because they're curious of what it's like to be with someone plus size... They almost, how you say it? Fetish? They don't care about who I really am, deep down. And that's been a huge problem for me my whole dating life, it's really held me back."

"I work as a therapist, mainly with teens, and I go into schools and talk to them and just really help get down to the roots of their problems."

"I think I want someone who is caring and a good listener, because they're things I strive to be too, so yeah, I need a man that'll match my energy. Just wait til he sees me in full glam too, the boy won't be able to keep his hands off of me!" Taniyah cheered, clicking her fingers.

"Korea is very different to India let me tell you that," Ishani said in wonder, before adding on quietly with a small smile, "I like it."

"I came onto this show because the last time I was in a relationship I got cheated on, very badly, and I want someone who I can rely on all the time. I don't even have to know what they're doing, I just need a trustworthy person to be my husband, because then I won't have to worry."

"I do work as a vet, so I get to see animals quite a lot. It really is my dream job, I feel so lucky. I trust the animals more than men sometimes I can't lie. They're better listeners!" Ishani's eyes lit up as she spoke passionately of her job.

"I think what I also want out of the experiment is personal growth too. I've kept myself to myself for far too long, and I want someone to help bring things out of me I didn't know were there."

watch next ep -->

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[acourtofthought]

Who do you think will be the one to train elain?

I think Helion will train Elain and Lucien:

As well as offer the use of his libraries for research on her powers.

He was able to track the Suriel in ACOWAR just as Elain was. Then in SF we see that Lucien was able to sense Cassian at the door before he when knocked which suggests he might have a similar tracking ability (he tracked Feyre in MAF too). So if Elain is going to get answers regarding her Seer powers, I think the Day Court is going to be the best place for her and would also be an opportunity for Lucien to learn more about who he actually is.

[tracingpatternswrites]

Wednesday WIP

Thanks for the tag @heartofspells, my darling 😘 Since it's past midnight, I guess this is officially a Wednesday WIP.

I also gently nudge @soloorganaas in the hope of another RBWWB snippet because I am obsessed as we all know. Also poking @theresthesnitch and @puuvillaa if you feel inspired and have something to share.

I'm behind on Mafs but I promise you all that the next chapter is very, very close to being finished and I can't wait to share it with you. I'll share this little snippet while you all wait so patiently.

(If you haven't read it yet, this is a good time to catch up here)

There was something about stepping out of the train station in Brighton that immediately made Remus feel at home. The air was somehow higher there, the sound of seagulls constantly present in the distance. Even though the sea was a bit of a walk away from the station, Remus imagined he could still sense it underneath the usual smell of cigarette smoke, exhaust and chips from the chip shop. They had been granted a couple of hours on their own before Matt was due to join them in order to properly document their last night together before they were due to go their separate ways. Remus was grateful for it, and he was relieved that they had agreed that putting cameras into his flat for this one day was too much work. Sure, it was awkward to have Matt trail behind them at all times, especially when they were out and about, but by now they were both so used to it that they barely thought about him. He paused by the side of the road as he took a deep breath, and he felt Sirius stepping up behind him. “I haven’t been in Brighton for years,” Sirius said as Remus turned to look at him. Sirius looked good, as always, dark sunglasses obscuring his eyes and shielding them from the bright sun that was beating down on them. There were a lot of people in motion around them, they clearly weren’t the only ones deciding to spend the day by the beach. Remus tightened his grip on his wheely bag, but before he could start moving he felt Sirius’ hand cover his. His husband gently pried his fingers off the handle to replace them with his own. “Let me take that.” “I can drag my own bag,” said Remus, but when Sirius grinned at him he couldn’t help but to smile back at him. “I know,” Sirius said easily as he started walking. “But I want to.” Remus didn’t argue, simply shook his head a little as he followed Sirius. They didn’t talk much as they walked, there wasn’t much point as they squeezed past students and couples and families who all seemed to be moving as one towards the lure of the water. Remus tried to make sense of what he was feeling. They had had a good few days since Sirius had spoken to Minerva and their conversations flowed easier. They hadn’t made any decisions yet, but at least they had started speaking about the things that mattered. Remus still couldn’t shake the feeling that they were running out of time though. They had two more days before they were going to meet with the experts to decide whether or not they wanted to stay married. They would spend the day together but tomorrow Sirius would go back to his house in London and Remus would stay here. Two more nights before their entire future was decided, and this time it would be different. Remus would know what he was walking into. It wouldn’t be the complete shock of marrying a total stranger; this time it would be them choosing each other… or not.

[karriethemechtech]

. . .initializing. . .

0%

5%

17%

29%

67%

99%

Uplink initialized. Enter login:

******

******************

Login accepted. Welcome, WO DeLacey.

SLDF OS ver. 17.1.4 “Evergreen”

Input command: “2fus.MAF.hpg.cWeb”

. . . . . .

///For Internal Use Only///

///2nd Canopian Fusiliers Class of 41—Welcome///

>[2345] karriethemechtech: Anyone still here? Been a while.

>[2346] karriethemechtech: . . .

>[2350] karriethemechtech: I miss you guys

>[2350] karriethemechtech: I’m sorry I never told you all where I went.

>[2351] karriethemechtech: Not that it matters really anymore

>[2351] karriethemechtech: I’m doing better now though!

>[2353] karriethemechtech: ish

>[2353] karriethemechtech: I have friends though! Bounced around mercenary work, now I’m in with the new SLDF

>[2353] karriethemechtech: yeah I know

>[2359] karriethemechtech: almost there now

>[0000] karriethemechtech: happy anniversary everyone.

>[0007] rach-5-autocannon: wait. DeLacey? Little DeLacey? Am I reading that right?

>[0008] karriethemechtech: Rachel?

>[0008] rach-5-autocannon: Karrie? What the hell are you still doing on this node?

>[0009] karriethemechtech: Could ask you the same thing

>[0009] rach-5-autocannon: Prolly same as you. Memories I guess

>[0009] karriethemechtech: yeah

>[0010] rach-5-autocannon: Karrie wtf

>[0010] rach-5-autocannon: You drop off the face of the Periphery for 6 years and then I find you lurking in our old chatroom

>[0010] rach-5-autocannon: You had me worried you shithead

>[0011] rach-5-autocannon: 6 fucking years

>[0011] rach-5-autocannon: I mean what the hell was I supposed to think? You know how you used to be.

>[0011] rach-5-autocannon: And now you’re with those wolf-ass SLDF idiots?

>[0012] karriethemechtech: Rachel please

>[0015] rach-5-autocannon: We cared about you y’know

>[0015] rach-5-autocannon: You were like the whole unit’s little sister. Second you rolled in fresh out of training, all scrawny with that messy long hair you didn’t know how to take care of

>[0016] karriethemechtech: You think I don’t know that?

>[0016] karriethemechtech: I wouldn’t be the woman I am without you and the squad

>[0017] rach-5-autocannon: but then you ran off

>[0018] rach-5-autocannon: I had to fill out the paperwork to mark you MIA. Does your family even know you’re alive???

>[0018] karriethemechtech: of course they do. I ran back home first

>[0018] rach-5-autocannon: and why aren’t you still there? Instead of working with the literal enemy

>[0023] karriethemechtech: Rachel I tried

>[0023] rach-5-autocannon: wdym?

>[0024] karriethemechtech: turns out this stuff’s pretty much my sole specialty. Fix and pilot ‘Mechs. I love ‘em but the farm didn’t work for me and neither did the MAF

>[0024] rach-5-autocannon: Why am I not surprised

>[0024] karriethemechtech: I did merc work for a while y’know

>[0025] rach-5-autocannon: you? Little DeLacey out there killing for money? Didn’t think you had that in ya.

>[0025] rach-5-autocannon: must be more like your big sis Rachel than I thought

>[0026] karriethemechtech: even ran my own company for a few years. ‘Course I had to after my old CO got me blacklisted from a few of the periphery Merc haunts once he figured me out

>[0028] rach-5-autocannon: Please tell me not like I think you mean

>[0029] karriethemechtech: Most of the Sphere isn’t as accepting as Canopus, Rach

>[0029] rach-5-autocannon: Fuck, Karrie

>[0030] karriethemechtech: Look idk what to tell you. I’m doing better now

>[0030] rach-5-autocannon: Are you???

>[0030] rach-5-autocannon: Next you’re gonna tell me you finally blew your leg off or something

>[0032] karriethemechtech: Well not my leg

>[0032] rach-5-autocannon: Karrie I swear I am going to find and kill you what the hell did you do

>[0033] karriethemechtech: PPC hit fried me through the Neurohelmet. Got some pretty nasty burn scars too

>[0033] rach-5-autocannon: wait so do you have brain damage or something

>[0034] rach-5-autocannon: Karrie you fucking answer me

>[0034] karriethemechtech: I mean

>[0034] karriethemechtech: I don’t know. Not like they checked or anything.

>[0034] karriethemechtech: Medics got too distracted by other things about me, y’know?

>[0036] rach-5-autocannon: So you’re gonna show up sixish years later on a dead private node and now you’re gonna tell me you’re fine even though literally EVERY SINGLE THING you’ve just said is not even close to that definition

>[0036] karriethemechtech: Look things got bad for a little while

>[0045] rach-5-autocannon: So how’d you get tangled up with Sir Lord ilKhan Himself The Allmighty Magnificent Alaric?

>[0045] karriethemechtech: SLDF. Star League. Not Alaric

>[0045] rach-5-autocannon: Same difference and you know it

>[0047] karriethemechtech: I started hawking my services on the chatterweb, made a few friends

>[0047] karriethemechtech: one of them ended up being COMGEN of the SLDF funny enough

>[0047] rach-5-autocannon: what

>[0047] rach-5-autocannon: how

>[0047] karriethemechtech: Does it make it more believable if I tell you she’s one of the people that acted in Tails of Strana Mechty?

>[0048] rach-5-autocannon: wait that clanner show with the totem warriors

>[0048] rach-5-autocannon: this does not get more believable but you’re a bad liar. Go on. Which one?

>[0048] karriethemechtech: Melissa Hazen

>[0048] karriethemechtech: I think her character was called Mysty?

>[0049] rach-5-autocannon: No fucking way

>[0049] karriethemechtech: I didn’t know she was famous! I just knew she was a bird!

>[0049] karriethemechtech: She hired me on for a job then decided to roll me into her force directly

>[0050] karriethemechtech: not like I was gonna say no, the Last Resort was just me by then

>[0050] rach-5-autocannon: so she press-ganged you into service?

>[0050] karriethemechtech: no no no it’s not like that

>[0052] karriethemechtech: she really believes in what she’s doing. I know people say all kinds of shit about the SLDF but I don’t think she deserves that.

>[0052] karriethemechtech: she’s giving me something to hope for. This time it’s gonna be different, I think it really is

>[0053] rach-5-autocannon: well fuck she’s really got you hasn’t she

>[0053] rach-5-autocannon: never thought my little sis here would be huffing idealism but I guess it figures doesn’t it

>[0054] karriethemechtech: I’ve made friends and I’ve got a future to fight for

>[0055] rach-5-autocannon: That is always what you wanted isn’t it.

>[0055] rach-5-autocannon: or what you needed anyway

>[0055] karriethemechtech: how so?

>[0058] rach-5-autocannon: from that first night yeah? Sniffling and crying in your bunk surrounded by a bunch of women. Thinkin’ you’re so different and being all sad and shit

>[0058] rach-5-autocannon: listen idk how the hell you ended up in an active combat unit unless you had absolutely no self-preservation. You must not have now I think about it.

>[0059] rach-5-autocannon: we tried our best to make you feel at home. ‘Course we would. But I think the biggest thing we did for you—other than the obvious lol—is make you realize you could want shit like a future. And I guess it’s taken you this long to figure out what future that is

>[0100] rach-5-autocannon: I get the feeling you probably still haven’t quite figured it out, knowing you. Dumbass.

>[0100] karriethemechtech: oi

>[0100] rach-5-autocannon: but hey. Yeah I’m pissed at you. We’re all still pretty pissed at you. And somehow I feel like I’m talking to a ghost. But we’re all sisters you dumb fuck, not blood but close enough.

>[0101] rach-5-autocannon: Star League or not, I’m happy for ya.

>[0104] karriethemechtech: Thanks. It means a lot Rachel. And I’m sorry I disappeared like that

>[0105] rach-5-autocannon: I understand now, don’t worry. I’ll tell the others you’re ok.

>[0105] rach-5-autocannon: speaking of

>[0105] rach-5-autocannon: if you can say

>[0105] rach-5-autocannon: where do they have you deployed rn?

>[0106] karriethemechtech: oh sure

>[0106] karriethemechtech: I’m on Helios doing some anti-Blakist stuff

>[0106] rach-5-autocannon: wait you’re

>[0106] rach-5-autocannon: WHERE

>[0106] rach-5-autocannon: HOLD ON A SECOND

>[0107] rach-5-autocannon: GOD DAMN IT WHY DIDN’T YOU START WITH THAT

//////

. . .logging off. . .

[theladyofbloodshed]

What pissed me off in ACOSF is how aggressive and downright cruel Cassian was toward Nesta. He knows she’s traumatized, admits he’s felt the same and been/done worse, yet he still expects her to magically be fine after some training. And SF Cassian isn’t much different than MAF and WAR - he literally starts antagonizing her, in her own home, the moment he meets her. That’s not banter.

We see how Nesta was with Azriel - he didn’t antagonize her, didn’t talk smack about her. And in return she treated him well. I wish he’d done a little more, but it’s still *something*.

I know, it sucks that Azriel was simply behaved towards Nesta with civility and we praise it because the bar is SO low.

The way SJM usually writes main couples is that they forget everybody else in the world and their partner is the number one person in their life - except in Nessian, Rhys is still Cassian's number one person, followed by Mor then Feyre then Azriel and THEN (maybe) Nesta.

[losttrailrunner]

153 LostTrailRunner Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-p5h3u-1638f20 Just another update on my running.  Started my 10K Training for Peachtree 2024, we will see if I can do better than last year. If you want to email me with suggestions for the podcast my email is:  losttrailrunner@nym.hush.com Recorded on a dji Mic2 and a Zoom H1n Handy Recorder. Edited and produced on Hindenburg Pro. The Intro and Outro music…

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Upside Down - Chapter 35

Summary: Nerium learns about a new power; Mafs tries to find a sense of normalcy; Vi gets a checkup; Wolffe has a one-on-one with Plo’buir.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

Well my arm is feeling A LOT better; I've been doing some exercises, the pain is almost non-existent, the issue is more my two fingers they’re still numb, less than what they’ve been in the past few weeks, but still there. All in all I believe I’m on the mend. 

This chapter is more of a set up with regards to the later half of Season 2 of The Clone Wars. 

Thank you all for loving this story and sticking with it. 

Love OO.

BOLD - COMM 

Warnings: animosity from a mother; discussions alluding to adoption, infidelity; mentions of children being removed from their homes to train with Jedi; locking down a room; discussion of past incident on Naboo, Sith attack; discussion regarding force powers; discussion of keeping things on secret; mention of a spider-roach; feelings of anxiety; feelings of being overwhelmed; discussions of death; discussions of PTSD, trauma, pregnancy; flirting; one-sided feelings, I think that’s everything, if I miss something please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 5,803   |   Previous - - - > Next Upside Down Master List   |   Main Master List

AWAKENING

Quinlan looked at his padawan, as they retook their seat after straightening up the room, there were so many things he could say, so many things he probably should say, yet he was still shocked by the sheer power that came from her. The information she told him, regarding where she entered, the golden pool, the bright light, the images, seeing Captain Rex there, it was overwhelming for him, he couldn’t even imagine how overwhelming it must have felt for her. 

“Did you ever have any idea your mother …” he cleared his throat, “Wasn’t your birth mother?”

Nerium simply shook her head, how could she could know, it wasn’t as easy as some would think, “I knew there was always some animosity from her end, I just never imagined it was for this reason.”

“Do you think your father had an affair?”

He watched as she shrugged her shoulders, he could understand her anger, her resentment, there wasn’t much he could offer in regards to comfort, “Nerium as unfortunate as it may be, I think you need to speak with her”

Her eyes widened as she took in what he said, “With my estranged Separatist mother, who is also Count Dooku’s partner? That’s who you think I should speak to?”

“No, with the one that appeared in your vision”

“Why? She’s not my mother”

He simply nodded as he sensed the growing uneasiness coming from his padawan, “I can sense your uneasiness, my dear, however, you must understand, getting the information from her will open up your understanding to who you are.”

“Why should that matter? I know who I am”

“Understanding where we are from, helps us to understand our connection to the force.”

“How does that help? Aren’t Jedis taken from the families when they’re mere children? Do all the Jedi children know where they are from?”

“Yes. Maybe not the family, but their culture, the planet where they were found, most Jedis do know that much of their history and it helps them, helps them to understand how to use the force, how it flows through us.”

“Are you saying it flows differently in everyone?”

“We are all unique beings, would it not make sense that we also feel the force differently? Though we may all follow the Jedi code from a certain point of view, how the force flows in us is unique to each individual, for example, I have the ability to use psychometry. It gives me the ability to sense the memories of other beings by touching objects they have come in contact with.”

“That’s why you’re such an excellent tracker”

“Thank you for stating the obvious. Let’s not forget devilishly handsome”

Nerium looked at him with an exasperated look, as she narrowed her eyes, “I think you need a second opinion on the handsome part, tell me are you always this sarcastic?”

“When the occasion calls for it”

“So all the time”

“Yeah pretty much. Getting back to the discussion at hand, every Jedi has a different ability that connects us to the force, Obi-wan has that annoying ability to control animals, which in some ways can be helpful. Not to mention the fact that he always thinks he’s right. Regardless, everyone develops abilities dependent on how the force flows through them.”

“What about what I saw, they were things I’d never seen with my own eyes. Even Rex’s armour, it was an older model, but I’ve never seen him in that outfit.”

“You may have the gift of foresight. However, what you described could be a force power that has been theorized, in fact many thought it was something impossible.” Quinlan took a moment to decide if he should inform his padawan of the dangers that surrounded her, “Nerium, only a few in the entire galaxy know what I am about to tell you.”

He moved his hand over a grate on the floor, it slid back revealing a panel. With speed and familiarity he moved his fingers quite quickly pressing a number of buttons, only stopping once the sound of shutters sealing shut, doors locking, even vents shutting echoed throughout the room. A light appeared from the centre of the ceiling, sweeping the entirety of the room, from every angle possible, when two beeps chimed at its conclusion. He refocused his attention on his padawan, the look on her face was one of pure nervousness, “You appear nervous”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

“We must take these precautions because of the sensitivity of what I am about to tell you”

“Which is?”

“The ability you mentioned, when Rex showed up, what were you thinking?”

“Ummm nothing”

“Nerium” Quinlan’s face showed he didn’t believe her in the slightest, “I am not like those other Jedi, I’m a fan of not following the Jedi Code to the letter. I’m a disruptive influence, I believe Master Krell once told me quite adamantly. Sanctimonious cea (prick - Huttese). Anyway, what I’m trying to say is you don’t have to hide the truth from me. I can already sense your attachment to Captain Rex, and as you can see it doesn’t exactly affect my ability to teach you. Therefore, be honest and tell me truthfully what you were thinking.”

She simply nodded, as she took in a deep breath, “I was thinking that where I was, was so peaceful and rejuvenating he could benefit from experiencing it. It reminded me of being in his arms, feeling safe and loved, that’s when he appeared before me.”

“Could you see anything or anyone else around him?”

“No, it was just him. It lasted for all of a few seconds, maybe a minute or two at most.”

He simply nodded, “Did you two speak?”

“No”

“Make contact of any sort?”

“We simply locked eyes, and I laughed thinking how crazy it was to see him, I closed my eyes for a brief second and when I looked back he was gone.”

“Did Rex ever mention anything regarding the force or …” he moved his hand about, “anything like that?”

Nerium rubbed her forehead, “There was an incident after we found the laboratory on Naboo, Rex had some sort of Sith attack”

“Really?”

She rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding his eyes, “I may have um …” she cleared her throat, “Awoken his midichlorians, inadvertently.”

“Interesting” he shifted on his seat, “This may explain why he was able to appear. The force power you mentioned is one that’s very rare and barely seen in the universe, as I stated previously. The only sentient beings I have ever heard of having this sort of power are the Aing-Tii. A secretive set of alien monks from a world within the Kathol Rift.”

“How do you know about them, if it’s so rare and they’re so secretive?”

“Must you question everything?”

“Must you avoid answering the question, again?”

“Let’s just say there’s a reason I’m usually given solo assignments that no one talks about”

“What does that mean?”

“It means even the Jedi have black ops”

“Seriously?” Nerium gave him a look that was full of disbelief, however her face changed to one of understanding once she realized he wasn’t telling her a lie or another sarcastic remark. Quinlan could sense her discomfort through the force. 

“Did you think the Jedi didn’t perform such acts?”

“Well … I …” she let out a sigh, “I just don’t understand, aren’t Jedi’s keepers of the peace? I mean isn’t that what you guys are always spouting?”

“Yes, and sometimes keeping the peace means taking action in the shadows; far from the eyes of everyone else.”

“How is that just? How is that …”

Quinlan held up his hand, “As much as we may want to delve into this particular topic, we need to focus. Nerium if the power you have is the one I am speaking of, it is a very dangerous power, and no one. I mean no one, must know you have this power.”

“Why? I don’t understand what’s so wrong with what happened”

He rubbed his face, as he thought of the best way to break the news, “You have the ability to see the future and the past. The future is always in motion and what we see is only a glimpse of a potential future. However, seeing the past … interacting with the past could have ramifications that could affect the whole galaxy. You need to be careful, if people learn you have this ability, you won’t be safe anywhere.”

“Then what about talking to my so-called mom?”

“I sense that she’d actually be the answer to a lot of your questions, and may in fact help with your ability. You said she appeared after Rex showed up, right?”

“… Uh, yeah”

“Then it might be that she may have the same ability or has the power to connect with you over great distances.”

“Are you saying she’s still alive?”

“I don’t know. It could be that subconsciously you wanted to connect with her, and you were able to connect with her past self or possibly she sensed your ‘awakening’ and was able to forge a connection from her current location.”

Nerium appeared frustrated and exhausted, as she took in everything Quinlan mentioned, “Do you really think I could affect the past?”

“It’s a theory. Honestly …” Quinlan dragged his hand over his face, hoping the force would answer some of their questions, “there isn’t a lot we know about this particular force power, what we do know is minor, a drop in the ocean. The Aiing-Tii would have a better understanding, but they are a closed community, and understandably if they possess this power. Let’s be careful, I’ll do some more digging around.”

“What should I do in the meantime?”

“Meditate, practice your stances and carry on with your medic duties. We can’t let anyone know you’re training with me, and we need to keep this quiet for as long as possible, if the wrong people hear about it …”

“It could be dangerous”

“Not just for you, but for all those who you love. Attachment can be a dangerous thing”

“Yeah … why is that?”

“It’s a weakness. An opportunity that allows the dark side and your enemies to exploit.”

“That said anything can be a weakness”

“True, but most things can be hidden within yourself, it becomes a weakness when you can no longer control it; attachment is something we cannot control.”

“Because it depends on the other person”

Quinlan nodded, “Let’s end our lesson here for today. I will contact you for your next session, in the meantime follow along with your duties, and whatever else is requested of you.” He turned off the lock down and stood from his seat, brushing off the imaginary dust, he glanced over to her, “Oh, one final thing”

“Yes, Master?”

“Just because I may approve of your attachment with a certain Captain, doesn’t mean everyone does. Therefore it’s important that you keep your relationship on a need to know, and try to maintain distance from one another as much as possible.” He could see she was about to argue with his statement, “At least for now” he interrupted her before she said anything, “until we are able to figure out what exactly your powers can do.”

She let out a sigh nodding, knowing that Rex would definitely have something to say; especially since they barely saw each other in the past week. 

- - - - - - - - - - - 

Mafs looked at the apartment the Coruscant Relocation Administrator suggested, it was in a shady part of Coruscant, on sub-level 3456. If it was just her, she wouldn’t have cared so much, but for her and Lief, there was no way she would let her son stay here.  

“I know this isn’t probably what you were hoping for”

“Considering my other place was bought by my husband and I, where we built years of treasured memories and full of love, not to mention it was a lot nicer than this place. Yeah, definitely not what I was hoping for!”

“Mrs. Rahta …”

“How many times have I told you to call me Mafs. Just call me Mafs, don’t want to mistaken for my mother-in-law”

“Sorry. Mafs, you don’t have to take this place, the compensation for your apartment is coming, it’s just …”

“Slow as molasses, as to be expected from any government office.”

“I’m sorry”

“No you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t have shown me this place” just as she said that a small spider-roach ran across the floor, “Nope. Nuh-uh. No. No. No.” She pointed to the small critter and walked out of the apartment, shaking the imaginary bugs crawling on her skin. 

“I’ll keep looking.”

“Yeah, you do that” her tone was exasperated, it had been a difficult month a half since the incident, especially for Lief. He was away from his friends, from his school, from his routine. 

“Listen, I’m doing my best okay” the Administrator turned to look at her, “You think it’s easy, trying to find suitable apartments for everyone that was displaced! I have been working around the clock doing the best I can, but does anyone appreciate it? No. It’s challenging to find apartments that don’t meet snippy and snide remarks.”

Mafs held up her hands in surrender, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just …” she looked at the apartment building and the surrounding area, “I can’t bring my kid here. I’m sorry.”

He let out a sigh, readjusting himself; trying his best not to let his frustration with others out on her, “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s … it’s everything.” He rubbed his eyes, his lack of sleep catching up with him, “I’ll  do my best to try and find something more suitable for your family. Are you guys okay where you are staying now?”

“Yeah, I’m staying with my family; but that can only go on for so long.”

“I understand, listen…” he dug into his pocket pulling out a comm card, “this is my personal comm number, if you have happen to see a vacancy in an area that you like, let me know and I’ll talk to the owner. See if I can get you guys in there.”

“Thank you, Elprit” she took the card, feeling ashamed about how she reacted earlier, “I’m sorry, I know I was being a grade A b…”

“Burdened down mother,” he smirked, cutting her off mid-word that no doubt she had intended to say, “just let your husband know to keep an eye out too. If both of you are looking it’ll be easier to find something sooner.”

“It might be, but … um … he passed away.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Was it because of the …” he motioned with his hands not wanting to talk about the incident, in case it was too fresh in her mind. Although it definitely made sense why she was on edge if that was the case. 

“No, years ago. He was a Coruscant Guard.”

“I’m sorry to hear that; if there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” 

She was taken aback by his offer, sure they had talked a handful of times, after he was assigned to her, but this felt different then just friendly conversation. “Thanks, I have a few friends who are helping.”

“Well doesn’t hurt to have one more helping” he stepped closer to her, “especially when that person doesn’t want to see you have to struggle anymore.”

“Elprit, I …” before she could say anything further her comm beeped, she looked at it, to see Wolffe’s number appear, “I’m sorry, I need to take this… excuse me.”

She stepped aside, hoping to have some privacy, “Wolffe?”

“Hey Mafs, just checking in on you. I remembered today you have the apartment viewing. How did it go?”

Things between the two had been awkward and different since he rescued her, not that she didn’t want him around, or didn’t appreciate the shoulder he offered her, but it was a bit overwhelming. After everything that happened, she couldn’t handle their friendship turning into anything more, not that he said anything about how he felt, nor was he likely to, after all it was Wolffe. 

“I saw a spider-roach”

“Well that ended the tour quite quickly, I imagine”

“Very”

She heard his chuckle, which warmed her heart in an odd way that she didn’t want to deal with, “I’m sorry, Mafs. I don’t mean to laugh, but I can just imagine you freaking out. Anything I can do to help?”

“No. It’s okay. Elprit is …”

“Elprit?”

“Yeah the Administrator assigned to my case. I’ve mentioned him a few times I think. Anyway, he gave me his comm link and said if there’s a place I ending up seeing available and like, he’d try and get us in.”

“I see” Wolffe didn’t say anything for a bit, “I’m glad you found someone you can rely on.”

Mafs was shocked by how hurt he sounded, “Wolffe?”

He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, I have to go. Something’s come up. Take care, Mafs”

“Wolffe, wait …” he didn’t stay, the comm ended before she could find out what he was implying. She wasn’t relying on Elprit, she was just grateful someone was going to be able to help her and Lief. Shouldn’t he be happy about that too? He said he was her friend, so why couldn’t she have someone to support her?

“Mafs?”

She turned to look at Elprit, he looked as though he was trying hard not to pay attention, “You heard?”

“Sorry, I really tried not too, but you just happened to stand in a very echoey area.”

“It’s okay” she shrugged her shoulders and rejoined him. Wolffe was an issue all on his own, and not something to focus on when dealing with apartment hunting. 

They had been walking in silence, after leaving the apartment complex, there were a million questions running through Elprit’s mind, but the only thing that came out of his mouth were two words. 

“Your boyfriend?” He glanced over to her, hoping he hadn’t shot himself in the foot; after all it wasn’t his business who she was talking to; but it seemed as though she hadn’t heard, she looked deep in thought, as they made their way to the lifts.

“Hmm” she glanced up to him, “Sorry what did you say?”

“That guy” he motioned with his head to her comm, “your boyfriend?”

“Oh, uh … no. Just a friend. Good friend, but a friend” It felt like she said friend way too many times. 

The doors on the lift closed as they stepped in, the air between them was awkward and tense, it reminded her of her younger days, when a boy tried to flirt with her, but didn’t know what to say. The silence lasted only for a short while until Elprit shifted so he could face her.

“If I were to ask you out, would that be okay?”

She glanced up to Elprit, “What?” After all she had an inkling he was flirting, but that was completely out of the blue.

“I know I probably shouldn’t ask this but … ever since I met you, I thought you were an amazingly strong woman, and doing what you could to ensure your son’s safety. I admire and respect you, and I would be honoured if you joined me for dinner. Doesn’t have to be right now, but … when you feel ready.”

“Oh … um …” she cleared her throat, wishing for their floor to arrive sooner, so the lift doors could open and she could run for her speeder, but there were still 123 floors to go, “thanks, um … I appreciate what you said, but I’m not in a place right now where I can handle something like dating.”

“Of course, and like I said when you feel ready, let me know and I’ll be here.”

She didn’t respond, simply nodded as she almost became mesmerized by his smile, it was warm and comforting, very different from Wolffe’s. His smiles were pleasant, but he had different smiles for different people. He had one smile for those who he thought were absolute idiots, another one for his vode, one for his troopers, one that lit up his face whenever he saw her or Lief. When it was just her, there was also a glint in his eyes that she could never figure out, especially that night he rescued her, he was … 

“Mafs?”

“Hmmm” she glanced around her to see the door to the lifts open, Elprit held open the door, as his hand directed her towards the platform, “Sorry” she mumbled as she walked off the lift and towards her speeder, “Thanks for today. I’m sorry I was being difficult.”

He waved his hand, “Don’t stress about it, you’re actually one of my more pleasant clients at the moment. Maybe once we find you a place, we can have that dinner.”

“I’ll think about it” she acknowledged, “Although, I don’t know about being one of your more pleasant clients” she smirked.

“Well, you’re not overly demanding; you’re simply asking for a safe and clean place to live, not a Senator’s style bathroom, or a top level apartment in the highest floor.”

“Okay, those are odd, but not completely outrageous”

“Oh, yeah, how about this, someone wanted to know if the walls were soundproof and asked me if I could step outside, and inform them if I was able to hear them scream?”

“Okay that was … where does this person live?”

“Don’t worry they won’t be anywhere near you.”

“I hope so.”

“I’ll make sure of it.” His earnest appeal made her feel cared for, in a different way from the way Wolffe looked after her and Lief. It was unsettling and comforting at the same time. “Oh, the best one, someone wanted to know if he had to registered how many weapons he had in his place.”

“Okay, I change my mind, keep that person away from me.”

He let out a short laugh, as he nodded along in agreement; his laugh however left Mafs longing for a more familiar one. One that resonated, and made his prosthetic eye shine a little brighter. She pushed the image of him out of her head, promptly saying her goodbye as she got into her speeder, it wasn’t the best one around, but it got her from point A to B, at least for the most part. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Nerium kept her eyes focused on Vi, “Why haven’t you been going in for your checkup, it’s been a month and a half since the whole incident. I told you, you needed to talk to someone about trauma and possible PTSD.”

“Neri, come on, it’s not like I’m going to have another building collapse on me.”

“Maybe not but everyone … everyone, needs to get checked out before going back to the front lines.”

“Yeah… front lines” Vi’s voice shifted as her vision lost focus. 

“Vi, what’s wrong?”

She glanced around the room, moving closer to Nerium, “How soundproof is this place? I mean can we have a private conversation.”

Nerium tilted her head as she looked at Vi, her eyebrows furrowing as she took in her friend, “I can make it more secure.”

“Can you?”

She nodded, moving over to the desk, pressing a series of buttons; she had the system installed after they landed on Triple Zero, and she was happy to finally be able to put it to use. There were sounds of vents locking down as the med room they were felt safer for Vi, “Alright, you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“I think … I think I might be pregnant”

That explained what Nerium was sensing, she had felt a small presence, but she couldn’t determine what or where it was coming from; she grabbed a chair and sat down behind the desk, “How sure are you?”

“Been feel nauseous in the mornings, vomited a couple of times, and just last week I started graving pudding and chips. Not to mention, I’ve been having a lot of cramping.”

“Hmmm… well …” Neri looked around the med room of the 104th, this wasn’t going to do, “We’ll need to go to a civilian med clinic. Come with me.” Vi didn’t object or say anything, she obediently grabbed her bag, and followed Neri out of the room, after she lifted the lockdown. 

It wasn’t long before Vi was in a civilian med gown, sitting on a more comfortable med bed than the GAR offered, “How do you know about this place?”

“During the incident, they were short staffed, and asked me to sign on to occasionally help them when I’m on triple zero.”

“Pay good?”

“Not bad, enough to put aside for a rainy day. Now …” Nerium brought over the med droid, “I need you to lie down, take slow deep breaths, close your eyes and allow the med droid to do it’s thing.”

Vi simply nodded as she rested against the bed, she heard whirring, and sensed a light shine on her eyelids as it passed along the length of the med bed. Once the droid was done it sent it’s scans directly towards Neri’s datapad. 

Neri sat there looking at Vi’s scan, rereading everything; she couldn’t believe her eyes. There was a fetus, it looked about a month old. She bit her lip knowing the conversation she was about to have was not going to be a pleasant one. 

“Vi, you can sit up”

She sat up carefully, watching Neri’s face, “Vi, I need to ask something, and it’s going to be a bit intrusive, when was the last time you had intimate relations with Fives?”

“About three and a half weeks ago give or take, about two weeks after I was discharged from the hospital, since then I just … I didn’t want to be around anyone.”

“That’s called trauma my dear, anxiety, possibly PTSD, which is why I suggested you talk to someone after the incident.”

“I did, Fives.”

“That’s not talking”

“It was a form of talking”

Nerium rubbed her face and carded her hand through her hair, “From what I can tell your baby is healthy. But …”

“But? But what?”

Nerium took in a deep breath, “… the baby is about a month and half, not three weeks.”

“What?”

“When I ran the scan on you at the hospital, you weren’t pregnant at the time, which means …”

“It has the rapid aging gene”

Nerium nodded, slowly as the full weight of the situation before them became clear, “Yes, but it’s not the complete gene.”

Vi had a million thoughts running through her head, but the one that really stuck out, was the same one that played over and over when she was with Fives, “Are you saying I’ll outlive my child?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to get you set up with an OB/GYN, someone who will understand the uniqueness of your birth, not to mention who is able to keep things quiet and is trustworthy.”

“Do you know someone?”

“I might”

Vi simply nodded, as she wondered how bringing a life into this world ended up being so complicated, “Wait so how long will my pregnancy last?”

“Possibly six months, if I did the math right, it could be shorter or longer. I’m not sure.”

“Once the GAR finds out …”

“No one is going to find out” I reached my hand forward and held hers, “let me talk to someone, and get back to you about what we can do. Okay. I’ll see … what we can come up with”

“Alright”

Despite the tension and worry filling the room, there was still something to be joyful about. Nerium stood throwing her arms around Vi, giving her the best hug she could, passing feelings of warmth and joy on to her, “Congratulations, love. You’re going to be a mom.” 

Vi didn’t hesitate as she threw her arms around her as she laughed and cried, both from the joy and worry she felt from the occasion.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Wolffe sat staring at his comm, he wanted to call Mafs back … if he was being honest he wanted her to call. At times he felt he was always instigating the contact between them, especially after the Zillo incident; maybe that was her way of telling him to backoff. Before he even realized his hand was reaching out to his comm he could feel his fingers playing with it. He pulled his hand back reprimanding the offending appendage. 

He stood from his seat, grabbing his helmet, when his office door chimed.

“Come in”

The door slid open, he didn’t bother looking at who entered only stopping what he was doing when he heard a familiar voice, “Ad’ika.”

Wolffe focused on Plo’buir as he stepped into the room, the door sliding closed behind him. He watched as his father moved closer to him, he had that look on his face saying they needed to talk, and truthfully, he was grateful for the distraction, he needed to keep his mind focused on the here and now, not on something that would never happen for a man like him.

“Plo’buir, everything okay?”

“I should ask you that question, you seem quite agitated son”

He let out a rather loud humph, before placing his helmet on the desk again. He knew his buir well enough to know he wasn’t going to be leaving any time soon, and no doubt this would be a rather long drawn out conversation which he hated, but ultimately they usually did make him feel better.

“I’m fine”

“Son, you can lie to everyone but me” he took the seat in front of Wolffe’s desk, it had become a habit now. 

Plo was tuned in to all his troopers, but those that had survived the Malevolence, he made sure to pay special attention too. He wasn’t saying they were his favourites, for a Jedi never had favourites. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. 

Wolffe let out a long sigh, as he threw himself against the back of his chair. His buir always knew when there was something troubling him; he wondered at what point would he learn to just be honest with his father right from the start, rather than continue this charade.

He sat there for a second his eye drifting back to his comm he had left on the table, “If you feel you are friends with someone, but they don’t … or … what if it feels I’m the one who’s … making the effort, is it worth it to stay friends?”

“Nothing is as simple as it seems. I’m assuming we’re talking about your friend that fixed your jetpack, and who you went to rescue, and have been helping whenever you can ever since?”

“Maybe” Wolffe grunted out between his teeth.

“Son, I can’t tell you what’s she thinking or what she’s going through, but needless to say many Coruscant citizens have gone through a lot lately, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes”

“Especially those directly affected by the incident?”

“Mmhmm”

“Then give her time. Let her realize what she needs first. If you are always providing an answer before there’s even a question, how is that being supportive.”

“But if I see a problem, shouldn’t I fix it? If I can make it easier for her, isn’t that better?”

“Did she ask you to make it easier for her?”

“No”

“Did she ask you to figure out her problem?”

“No”

“Son, I want you to think about how I treat you and your brothers, do I automatically give you an answer, tell you what you need to do? Or do I simply ask questions, have a chat, and just listen while you come to your own conclusions?”

“Hmph”

“I’m going to take that as a yes. What you need to do is be a supportive pillar, not an overbearing bulldozer. Be the pillar she can lean on when she needs a break. Don’t be a destructive force that plows everything away without providing her a place to rest, or get her so discombobulated she doesn’t know if she’s coming or going.”

He leaned forward bracing his forehead against his hands, as his elbows propped him up on the desk, “I can’t help it. I don’t know why, but her friendship means more to me, than any other friendship I’ve had. I want to be the one to make her smile. I want to be there for her and her son.”

Plo smirked under the breathing mask, chuckling to himself, “You know the reason, Wolffe, you just don’t want to admit the reason.”

“No. I really don’t.”

“You will, in time. Son, in our lives, we only have today, tomorrow is not guaranteed, no matter how hard I may try to fight for all of you. Therefore, don’t let unspoken words or feelings pass you by; take the opportunity, because when that opportunity is gone …” Plo took in a deep breath as his eyes focused on the desk in front of him, “it’s gone forever.” He shifted his focus back on Wolffe, “Remember, son, we only have today.”

Plo stood from his seat hoping the talk they had helped a little, he was about to walk out of the office, but he wanted to give him that extra push to help him realize he needed to be more open about what he was sensing. He was going to wait to tell everyone at the same time, however this was something Wolffe need to hear ahead of time, “Wolffe, I received word today, the information received from Senator Amidala has been verified. The ceasefire has ended. We will be redeploying the fleet to bring down the Geonosis factory, we leave in three days. Three days to prepare and organize ourselves to engage in a fight we may not come back from.”

Wolffe’s eyes focused hard on his buir, as they held a hint of pain and sadness, he heard stories of the first encounter his vode had on Geonosis, the number of lives lost, and he wondered how many of his vode wouldn’t be making it back this time. “If we might not make it back, maybe unspoken words and feelings should remain just that; better for the other person.”

“Or worse” Plo tilted his head a little driving the point home, “What if that’s a question that will go unanswered for them? Don’t you believe everyone deserves to know, even if the outcome is unfavourable? Think about it, son.” He cleared his throat, wishing he could help Wolffe in some way, “We will be holding a mandatory assembly at 1600 hours, make sure everyone knows.” He nodded to his son one more time before he headed out, leaving him to think about what he needed to do.

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[wolfytae-exe]

oh my god hear me out… lifestyle sub training w sub gyu HEAR ME OUT

assistant or secretary beomgyu who’s got it bad for his pretty boss ;( n he comes onto her hard but she explains that she’s into good submissive boys that behave.. and gyus such a simp agrees to let her train him like a dog n teach him how to be the most perfect boy 💕💕im thinking making him eat you out while you’re on the phone in the office, his faced shoved up your pencil skirt

i need to sit down

lord… YOU need to sit down??? IM SO MAF I CSNT EVEN ADD ON LIKE I WANT TO WHAT IS THIS MADNESS, SUB TRAINING WITH GYUUUVVHWJKWKWKRBEKWKW LIKE LIKE LIKE WHAT IM LIGHTHEADED

[soranihimawari]

Rest Easy Love

Pairing: established relationship! Miya, A x reader

Word count: 2.8+K

Rating: MAF (miya atsumu fluff)

Warning: none? bath scene/tasteful nudity/fluff no smut/sfw

It’s not everyday you’re on the phone with the athletic trainer for the MSBY team. You’re currently on a brief coffee break at your bookshop job. Your office is right next to the stock manager’s and your phone is currently on speaker at your desk. Although you weren’t too busy filling in the latest inventory order, when the phone began to ring you were perplexed by who was calling.

“Hi, is this yn?” The voice was quite filled with worry.

“Yes,” you sigh shortly after taking a sip from your mug. “What did Atsumu do this time?”

You hear the balls echoing the background and a frustrated yell you recognize only as Hinata’s at the moment in an attempt to quell the growing animosity between his own teammates.

“Is he ok?” You ask even though you know the answer.

“No, ‘fraid not,” the athletic trainer frowns. “How fast can you arrive?”

You glance over at the analog clock in your mini-office and give a reasonable time accounting for travel time to the practice arena.

“Fantastic,” the trainer says with a smile you can hear through the speaker. “I’m not sure how long practice can happen if he’s in a mood.”

You thank them and hang up. The stock and floor manager knock on your open door frame shortly thereafter, both giving you a hopeful glance.

“You should head out, the order’s almost done, right?” Mr Yamada asks. His bow tie and name tag has the kanji for stock manager written beneath his first name.

“Mmhm,” you nod, clicking save on the file. Your computer goes to into rest mode once you recover the ok to take the test of the day off.

The travel time was roughly a half hour by train to the arena from your work location. By the time you arrive you see an angry looking blonde bouncing his leg apprehensively while another setter is helping the rest of their respective teammates with the drills they were going over today.

You’re greeted warmly by both the coach and athletic trainer on duty during this practice. You were approached by both whom were wearing weary smiles on their faces. You greet them with a slight bow of your head before your eyes wandered to the bench your boyfriend was sitting with the most annoyed pout on his face. You know he’s itching to play with his friends too just by the way he is anxiously bouncing his leg.

“What happened?”

Your inquiry led to the coach giving you a bullet point version of a play gone wrong during the umpteenth time for a three on three match. Things weren’t going so well and granted on Atsumu’s last serve, he nearly bruised Bokuto and Meian’s upper arms respectively before the ball went out of bounds.

“…And after that, he had a temper tantrum which forced me to bench him the best of practice right after Yoru-San spoke to you.”

“I see. Thank you for calling me,” you smile before excusing yourself to confront the sourpuss of the MSBY.

You kneel down so your boyfriend’s eyes bore into your hardened ones. His scowl recedes and is replaced with a worried look. Atsumu is not one to trifle with two things: one was his mother’s anger and the other was to bring forth the look of death™️ you gave him right now. He knows he’s screwed the moment you said in a strict tone, “get your bag Miya.”

You were pissed, rightfully so, as you gave a friendly wave to the players who were playing the final set of their three on three match. Shortly thereafter, they came to greet you, and for whatever reason you felt, you implored them to forgive Atsumu’s tantrum earlier. Sakusa, though, speaks his mind saying that they were fortunate this incident didn’t happen at an actual match.

“I know, believe me,” you cross your arms over your chest. “I’ll talk to him guys.”

Glancing over your shoulder you see a glum blonde tapping his foot eagerly. His hand is wrapped tautly around his practice bag.

“See ya at the next match,” you receive a side hug from Hinata and Bokuto before walking over to the exit doors a few feet away from where Atsumu had been standing.

The ride home in his car was a quiet one. You looked past the lights and city’s dusk dusted skyline. The apartment complex you live in together comes into your preview and when Atsumu turns the engine off, you hear him shuffle in his seat.

“Atsumu,” your voice calmly stays as steady as you can make it. “Mind telling me why you almost injured your teammates today?”

“…”

He shrugs brushing it off saying some lame excuse about, ‘y’know how I am. Especially mah temper.’ You cross your arms and uncross them hurriedly when he winced at your aggravated sigh. Placing a hand on his bicep, you force him to look at you with a call of his name.

“‘Tsumu, you’re better than that,” you say this in a tender tone. 

It was his turn to sigh at this with a nod. He mumbled an, ‘I know,’ and it was in that moment you unlocked the passenger side door to let yourself out. You turn around to face your defeated boyfriend for a short while longer.

“You have two options right now ‘tsum,” you lean down and he stares at you blankly with his honeyed eyes. “You can wash up first without me while I order from your brother’s shop, or you and I can have a spa night with a blanket fort in our room. And your brother’s onigiri is still on the menu for tonight because I know how much you love his cooking.”

Roughly an hour or so later, you’re seated in front of your boyfriend in your shared tub. His hands are below the suds, holding you by the waist, playingfully feeling up your chest. You lean your head back, your hair feels like the softest spun silk against his pectoral muscle.You hear him hum the more you relax in his embrace. Though he leans forward to rest his forehead against your back right shoulder blade, he apologizes for acting out. Once the apology left his lips, the words happen to flow out of his mind as he vents about how today was a horrid one: to start, he loathes the fact you two have nearly three to five hour work hour differences; then the cafe down the road didn’t receive their shipment of cinnamon spiced syrup for his normal drink order (on top of them discontinuing the everything bagel with blueberry cream cheese); Sakusa beat him to the gym’s weight room entrance by five minutes, thus forcing him to parallel park (you’re better at it than he is); and finally the incident you were called in for had occurred…

“It was an accident, I swear,” he whined. 

“Oh my darling boy,” you pat the top of his head. He pulls you tighter, like he is trying to hide behind your body right now. “We should get out of the bath now, huh?”

You show him your pruning hands, he chuckles at that. “We’ll do some face masks after dinner arrives, yeah?” 

You stand to grab your towel off the hanging rack; he does the same in a few minutes time.

Eventually when you both are dressed in your night clothes, you’re sitting by the kitchen island counter where you keep the leftover open wine bottles. You’re halfway between naming the rose in the refrigerator when Atsumu’s phone goes off alerting you both Osamu was a few minutes out. The glasses you were to drink from were stemless ones and thus the conversation or lack thereof revolved around the unknown guilt the setter must have felt post loose canon-service ace.

“What if I’m benched for sure? What if mah temper makes us lose the next match? What then?” Atsumu’s whining and complaining is reminiscent of the time you initially met way back during a summer festival. Your school had decided to ask the student council of Inarizaki at the time, to rent out their track field. You may not have played a major part of your own student council, but your third year peers nominated you to be the face and coordinator for said festival. You were tasked with procuring and partnering with a nearby campus to house the pagodas for the classes who wanted to conduct businesses. Luckily, Inarizaki was not too far away, so nothing like an e-mail could fix, right? Wrong. Members of the Inarizaki student council’s e-board decided to interview you before even considering voting for your school to have their festival on their grounds. Lo and behold, your meeting with the council members had been scheduled during a time where volleyball practice was being held: thankfully a student in their designated tracksuit had the audacity to flirt with you first instead. He introduces himself as the better twin before you hear his name being called back to the gym. 

“See ya around blondie,” you wave. Seconds later, their captain of the volleyball team also introduces himself when he sees you round the corner past the gym as you mention you were looking for classroom 4-1. Now why would you be looking for the student council room was none of the team’s business according to Kita. Afterall, your uniform looked nothing like their own to begin with.

Years later, when you reconnect with said blonde, you were in Onigiri Miya asking for a to-go pick up order. He introduces himself as the brother of the owner. This was how he actually gave you his phone number, quite deliberate and to the point. You laugh a bit at how easily he was tongue-tied until you hear his name clear as day for the second time, “‘Tsumu, back away from mah pretty costumer before ya taint ‘em with your ugly-ass attitude…Sorry if he’s been botherin’ ya. Mah brother doesn’t know any manners.”

You shake your head telling the head chef and owner you didn’t mind his twin’s boisterous nature. You even make it a point to leave behind your phone number as well in case either of them were in need of a bookstore employee’s expertise. Who would have guessed the blonde twin beat his brother to the punch by asking you out first when you happened to stop by the onigiri restaurant a second time within two months? Certainly not the setter of a pretty popular professional team, his words, not yours. One date turned to three, then many more after that; the best date as of yet was the first match against the Adlers in the Tokyo Dome where after their winning point, you’re in the box with family and friends and your not-so-stealthy boyfriend runs to meet you in the middle of the media frenzy yelling a frantic, “Ya made it!” in between kissing your cheeks and you saying how proud you were of his accomplishments. Sure the media had shared various clips and the gossip circles finally had a face to the myriad of nicknames number 13 calls you by during pre and post match interviews. Hell even their social media pages both for the team and individual ones for the athletes blew up with well wishes and ‘man aren’t they lucky to be together’ or ‘get yourself a guy that looks at you the way Miya A looks at yn’ type of messages. 

Regardless, for all the trials and tribulations of being associated with the lighter ash blonde now, who is eating his brother’s specialty, one extra large, extra fatty tuna onigiri, you recognize the early signs of a burnout brewing. You don’t want to suggest him taking a season off to relax, to think, to breathe right now, although your pensive look while you enjoy your pork char siu stuffed onigiri might have given you away. You’re obviously a bit worried about his outburst and though you did have fights or spats in the beginning of your relationship with Atsumu, you both don’t recall the last major one off the top of your head. Maybe it was when he met your family for the seventh time ever and your physical appearance was being torn down at the high end restaurant where your aunt and uncle were holding their twentieth wedding anniversary dinner. You mentioned you looked better in a suit and jokingly asked to trade jackets with Atsumu right before leaving. You decided to leave your suit pieces behind and opt to change into a gorgeous sunset hued dress; it was form-fitting and truly accentuated your figure. For what it’s worth, you wore it because you loved that dress and haven’t had an excuse to wear it other than Aran’s wedding in the Maldives a couple of months back. However, when you had excused yourself to the outside patio area of the rented dining room, Atsumu followed you after sternly telling your parents off: ‘Yn looks great no matter what they wear. I loved them in the suit they were going to wear, but I also loved the dress they’re wearing now. What gives ya the right to ridicule ‘em like that, huh? Now if ya’ll ‘xcuse me, I got t’comfort yn.’

That memory sticks out in your mind as you glance over to where Atsumu is perched, happily tearing away at his onigiri. The frosted bottle of rose from the fridge sits uncorked in front of the two of you. You take a mighty swig from the bottle and place it back down. Atsumu nearly chokes when he calls you a heathen. 

“The glasses were right there!” he laughs as he points where they were–in front of the island, next to the sink, on the right of the closed dishwasher.

“Meh, shoulda brought ‘em over to me if ya had the time,” you shrug. “Besides, you looked so happy to be eating dinner.”

He hums as he finishes the last bite only to take an even mightier swig of the rose. 

“Oi, leave some for me,” you pout, swatting his arm. He smirks at you, promising the last sip to be yours. You drink the rest of the bottle and right before you can swallow it completely, with pursed lips, you kiss Atsumu point blank. You feel his hands tilt your head back a fraction and as the wine washes down your esophagus, his tongue licks the sugars off your lips in an attempt to thoroughly deepen this kiss. You’re in your right mind as is he when he stands to envelop you in his arms. You push him back a bit asking if it’s time for bed only for him to whisper a, “not yet baby,” causing him to kiss you once more. Only this time, like all the times prior, he lifts you up to carry you to bed; his lips trace your pulse point as a warning before you whisper out a whimper of his name when he nibbles a love bite on your neck. You don’t squirm, rather you relax your body more the moment you tilt your head more to the side for him to continue trailing your neck with sensually quick pecks each one lingering longer than the last.

“Say mah name,” he requests, no implores you to do so when he’s about to lay you down on your bed. You take his face in your hands and bump your nose against his whilst you nod.

“Atsumu,” your voice has a giggle in it he had come to memorize. “We should sleep here soon…”

“In a bit,” he cradles the back of your head as he lays you down higher than himself on the bed. He tells you to get comfortable while you open your arms for him, politely waiting for him to curl into your embrace. You run your hands through his hair reminding him everyone has their off days; every athlete whether professional or not, are going through the same trials and tribulations as him. He nods as his breathing evens out. You’re nearly half asleep yourself when you hear him say a word of thanks. 

“Anytime,” you deftly say. “Rest easy love. I’ll be here to wake you up in the morning.”

“Mmhm.”

You kiss the top of his head as he snuggles against your chest. You lean down once more to tell him a few things you knew he needed to hear; it was the same thing he told you on your second date: ‘you are loved; you are valid; and you are proof that love for me exists.’ 

[allthecanadianpolitics]

The Manitoba government is providing more than $890,000 through the Accessibility Fund to support 42 projects across the province to help remove barriers for people with disabilities, Families Minister Rochelle Squires announced on Wednesday.

“The MAF was created with the purpose of aiding organizations in implementing the essential changes needed to enhance accessibility in their services, ultimately improving the quality of life for all Manitobans and enabling full participation within their communities,” said Squires.

“The funding announced today will support 42 projects dedicated to promoting accessibility and inclusivity for everyone. It is truly inspiring to witness the diverse range of initiatives being supported by the grants across the province.”

The money is being given to 42 organizations across the province that meet at least one of three objectives: raising awareness about preventing and removing barriers; developing tools, resources and training to align with accessibility laws; and ensuring communication and information can be accessed electronically, in print and in person. [...]

Continue Reading.

Note from the poster @el-shab-hussein: I don't wanna be that guy but this sounds like a nothing measure. I thought they were going to restructure some roads or public service buildings but nope. They're gonna make pamphlets and training that's gonna go in one ear and out the other. I'm willing to be corrected on the effectiveness of this measure.

Tagging: @politicsofcanada

[ae-neon]

Disclaimer: this is embarrassing but I once shipped Nesta and Rhysand. HEAR ME OUT

I'm not a Feysand and Nessian fan and in particular I think they work better as separate characters. BUT THIS ISN'T BECAUSE I USED TO SHIP NxR, I read with an open mind and take things as they are so this wasn't any kind of weird ship jealousy

Rhysand was never a good guy but before the nauseating retcon/whitewash of ACOMAF, I thought he was interesting.

Obviously by the end of ACOTAR, sjm had already set the seeds for the ship switch from FeyLin to FeySand. But I was a newbie to sjm and had no idea the fuckery she was gonna use to do this.

Still, between MAF and TAR I was left to think of how things might go and I heard enough of other people's opinions and reactions to know that Rhys was gonna become a sort of dark "hero"

Now I'm not against enemies to lovers, but only in the instance that the enemies isn't a super personal element : to clarify I mean if the characters personally enact violence on one another - it's a no from me.

Also I don't really like super edgy characters so Feyre being a brutal survivalist and Nesta being a bitch was just enough for both of them to fit the sort of girlboss trend but not overdo it into Strong Female Character territory.

Now by the end of TAR, Nesta was already the character I was most looking forward to even if I didn't actively think of her as my favourite. I thought her ability to negate(?) the glamour of a HL was gonna mean something, I thought Nesta going out to the wall to get her sister back was gonna mean something, I thought Feyre and Nesta rekindling and making up was gonna mean something, I thought their nameless parents and the three sisters reflecting aspects of pagan goddesses was gonna mean something. It didn't.

I was half reading MAF, stopping every three chapters cause my eyes hurt from how often they rolled at the over-the-topness of it all. Characters who'd been almost 3D suddenly had 2 traits we were beaten over the head with, retcons left n right and the side characters were eating the main characters up. Here's where my brain started wandering off the well laid sjm path.

So I embraced delusion. What if FeyLin didn't ignore each other's trauma? What if they had a rough patch but ultimately worked things out?

And then I started spiraling.

I kept seeing "like calls to like" stuff (no idea it was stolen?) And knew Rhysand was the most powerful HL then learned Nesta STOLE FROM THE CAULDRON.

The sister with the keen intellect and not so subtle royal descriptors and the sneakiest, most scheming HL in the book??

Nesta's unforgiving nature and unwillingness to be lenient to the Fae Vs the man who secretly hated what he'd done to protect his people??

Like forget who they are now and tell me you can't seeeee it

Nesta's want to return to an upper class life and Rhysand's (initial) aristocratic air?

She'd never let him dress or treat her the way he dressed and treated Feyre so we wouldn't have that God awful CoN, Rhysand's pet stuff.

Actual magic mentoring. Learning history and politics!!

No Illyrian culture vulture stuff but Nesta loves to learn so she'd still have been fascinated to learn about them.

Her facing and overcoming ignorance on the Fae while insisting that humans weren't wrong to be afraid.

Both of them at first pushing the other to confront who they are and what they've done but also building a strange intimacy when they realise the other truly knows and sees them and still thinks they can and will do whatever it takes to save as many people as possible

Quiet nights in his private library where they realise they don't hate each other's company

Less emphasis on training and more on the politics between the Mortal Lands, the Continent, the Courts and Hybern

The potential left me breathless.

[Please don't argue with me in the comments. I let this go long ago and I promise I'm not a threat to your literally cannon ships😭]