#Lunar is once again questioning her sexuality

[peachdues]

Your Beauty Never, Ever Scared Me

A/N: oh boy, I just couldn't leave this storyline alone, could I?

Inspired by a post from @aagod who pointed out how amazing the trope is of touching/kissing/caressing one's scars, and I was a WHORE for it. This is inspired by that one line from this song.

But because I have never been brief about anything in my entire life (that's why I'm about to be an attorney), I had to write out a full-length fic set in the Wind & Moon universe.

I also had fun with expanding upon the concept of the Lunar Hashira, including a new breathing form, as well as a special weapon for Y/N! See the end for a link to a visual of a naginata (pole) blade.

Word count: 6.3k

CW: angst, fluff, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, fucking in a hot spring. Pining Sanemi, soft Sanemi; shoulder injury, improper setting of a dislocated joint; scar worship (?).

Bon appetite!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

It was supposed to have been a one-time thing.

Even though he had asked her to return to his estate for nightly training sessions, she had told him “no.”

It isn’t that Y/N doesn’t want him — she does very much so, to the point it pains her — but agreeing to continue this thing that had grown between them was a door she would not open.

She couldn’t.

Not when a career with the Demon Slayer Corps was akin to putting one foot across the line to the afterlife. Not when opening her heart up meant losing everything again.

And Y/N knows she already cares for the Wind Pillar far too much.

It pained her to establish distance between them over the last two weeks, even more so whenever she saw Sanemi Shinazugawa’s eyes linger on her for a second too long at their Pillar meetings, the hurt and longing in his eyes undeniable. He does not act any differently towards her, but she casn see the question torturing him every time she met that lilac gaze.

Why?

Because she wanted to. Because he had kissed her first, so really, it was his fault. Because she had melted the second his lips crashed against hers, and she had been so tired of wanting but never being allowed to have, and she wanted for once to be selfish.

But she had been selfish, and every day since she has been the direct cause of Sanemi Shinazugawa’s pain, and the thought is slowly wearing down the remains of her tattered heart into nothing.

But she loves him too much to want to lose him, so she does nothing.

——————————————-

They are sent on a mission together the next day.

The target is a suspected Lower Moon, located in some dense forest on the other side of the mountainous range surrounding the Demon Slayer Corp’s safe haven.

Rationally, Y/N knows why they’ve been paired together. She knows that his offensive Wind Breathing coupled with her more defensive style of Lunar breathing complement each other well in battle, each breathing style able to make up for the pitfalls of the other.

Still, Y/N thinks the universe is playing a damn cruel joke in making their fighting styles so compatible. It almost feels like a taunt.

They make small talk as they travel towards the demon’s location, every step fraying what’s left of Y/N’s delicate nerves. Her hand closes and releases the smooth shaft of her niichirin naginata blade — a specially forged weapon uniquely suited to her command over Lunar Breathing — as they near their target, her anxiety palpable.

She is not necessarily anxious over the fight — she is more anxious about whom she is fighting beside.

Nervous, because she told Shinazugawa that they could only ever be friends, yet she knows the second she thinks he might be in danger, she won’t hesitate to pitch herself in front of him. A hypocrite.

As she mulls over the thought, Y/N sourly thinks that the Master was probably right about relationships amongst the Hashira. She could not be trusted because she wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice the world to keep her Wind Pillar safe, even though he wasn’t hers at all.

The pair come upon the ruins of a small village, most of the buildings in great disrepair and in various stages of decay. Both slayers, however, pick up on the foul odor emanating from one of the more stable buildings to their left.

Y/N looks to Shinazugawa, who nods in confirmation. That is where their target is most likely lurking.

“I’ll go through the front. Can you find your way in from the back or from above?” Shinazugawa asks, drawing his blade.

Y/N nods. “I’ll cover you.” She brings her naginata to her front, swiping the blade in a long, graceful arc up as she summons her first form, Night of the New Moon, to act as a temporary cloak for the Wind Pillar.

“See ya inside,” Shinazugawa takes off into the crescent-shaped void, not wanting to lose the temporary advantage her technique provides them.

Y/N darts around the side of the crumbling hut and finds a hole large enough to slip through in its rotting roof, joining the battle already raging within.

———————-

The fight against the Lower Moon had been relatively easy — it had almost seemed a waste to send two Hashira to complete the job, given how quickly they had managed to incapacitate the demon. But the tricky part had been in the demon’s blood art, with it capable of creating full, flesh and blood clones of itself that were just as strong as its main body. Though Sanemi ultimately manages to lob off the head of the main body while Y/N held off four — four — of the accursed demon’s equally powered clones at once, the Lower Moon is able to hurtle one last attack towards the Wind Pillar, who is still airborne as he comes down from wielding the final blow.

Sanemi is just barely able to brace himself for impact as the flash of red light sluices towards him, and he feels a slight twinge of dread because he knows he is unable to twist out of the way as he falls through the air. But just before the posthumous attack can land on its target, a flurry of silver and black materializes before him, naginata spinning rapidly in her hand as she summons her eighth form to shield him for the second time since they had started fighting together.

Y/N’s Lunar Eclipse technique absorbs the full force of the demon’s attack, but because she launched herself from the upper balcony of the rotting house where she had been battling the demon’s clones to guard him mid-air, she is unable to get into the requisite defensive stance Sanemi knows she needs for the proper execution of the technique.

So he is helpless to watch as the recoil from the clash of the demon’s attack with Y/N’s defensive maneuver sends her flying backward through a crumbling wood wall, helpless to do anything but yell her name, his free hand grasping uselessly at the air as she sails away from him.

Sanemi feels a sick sense of deja vu as he tears through the rubble into the adjacent room where she has been thrown, thinking back to the first time she had used that breathing form to save him, when she had nearly lost all of her internal organs. Hot panic roils in his stomach as he clamps down the roar building in his chest, moving to yank a large, broken piece of wood out of his way, uncovering the scowling Lunar Pillar.

Sanemi wastes no time grabbing Y/N by the waist and hauling her up to inspect her, eyes wild and frantic as he looked over her for injury.

Y/N groans, sending a fresh wave of anxiety sludging through him as he waits for the coppery tang of blood to hit his nose, to confirm his worst fears that she is seriously wounded, too much so to be able to wait for the Kakushi, and-.

“Shinazugawa,” Y/N’s voice breaks through the roaring in his head. “Shinazugawa. Sanemi.” She grits out, left hand rising to grasp his forearm, nails digging into his skin to command his attention. “I am unharmed.” Sanemi finally meets her eyes, breath still coming fast and hard in his panic, though his erratic heart begins to slow at her words.

Y/N winces, the hand around him flying to the shoulder of her sword arm as she hisses through clenched teeth.

Sanemi sees then the odd slump of her shoulder, as though the joint were sitting lower, an odd gap forming in the fabric of her haori.

Sanemi recognizes the injury, his jaw clenching as anger chases away the panic that had been bubbling within him. “Your shoulder. You dislocated it.”

Y/N shimmies from his grasp, head falling forward slightly to avoid his gaze.  And for some reason, her refusal to meet his eyes makes him furious. Furious because how could she look him in the eyes and tell him that what happened during their sparring session could not happen again, because they couldn’t afford to have emotional attachments as demon slayers, yet not two weeks later, she risks her own neck for him again?

Sanemi opens his mouth, ready to rip into her, to curse her for her stupidity and her hypocrisy, because how dare she tell him not to care for her but rush to give her life for his.

Before the words can form, however, Y/N looks up at him, her eyes so soft and yet so full of an emotion he instantly recognizes as self-loathing that the words died on his tongue.

At that moment, Sanemi knows only one thing: there is no insult, no mockery, no barb he can throw at her that she isn’t already screaming at herself.

No point in beating a dead horse, really.

Sanemi doesn’t want to think about why she looks so guilty because to think about the why meant giving himself hope that she was hurting just as much as he was, even though he knows why she rejected him; understands it with every fiber of his being.

So, he says nothing as she stands, makes no sound as she stomps past him and out through the decaying wood doorway, towards a dying tree in the middle of the courtyard. He watches dumbly as she lines her arm up on one side of the dry bark, inhaling once, twice through her nose before she jerks herself with all her might in the opposite direction, a pained shriek tearing from her lips.

Sanemi has spent many years with the Demon Slayer Corp. He has seen countless injuries, far worse than a dislocated shoulder, and heard far worse screams from the dying as they succumbed to demons.

Yet, as he listens to Y/N’s scream of pain, his blood runs cold.

No, Sanemi thinks, he never wants to hear that sound ever again. Thinks it would drive him mad if he were ever forced to.

But he doesn’t tell her this, because she made it abundantly fucking clear that they cannot be more than mere colleagues, so he tucks the knowledge away that his limit is apparently her pain deep into the recesses of his mind.

Sanemi tries not to think about what that means for his heart.

————————-

They arrive at the Wisteria House just after the stars in the sky had winked out, dawn not too far away. The mistress of the house promises that there is a large hot spring just behind the small estate, up a winding path and that they are both welcome to use it. Y/N was so enthralled at the promise of hot water on her aching muscles that she hadn’t thought to ask the Wind Hashira if he too planned to bathe.

Which was how she found herself in her current predicament.

It was stupid.

It was so stupid.

They had seen each other naked for crying out loud, had shared their bodies with each other. But now, here they were, stuck in opposite corners of the hot spring, resolutely turned away from one another as though neither of them had anything to hide from the other at all.

As though he hadn’t spent an entire evening inside of her, making her call out his name until her voice went hoarse.

His first name, at that.

Y/N hopes to conceal her flushed face from the Wind Pillar for as long as possible, so she hugs her good arm across her chest tighter, wincing slightly as her poorly re-set shoulder throbbed. Y/N predicts a visit to the Insect Pillar’s infirmary was in her near future, and the thought of her aching shoulder having to be poked and prodded anymore made her want to vomit.

If Y/N had been alone, she would have groaned, loudly, until she felt the weight slowly crushing her begin to lighten. But she is not alone, because she so stupidly failed to ask Shinazugawa who should bathe first, and now he is here and so is she, and they are both naked.

Still, the Lunar Hashira cannot deny the pang of longing in her heart as she furtively glances over to where the Wind Pillar stands, magnificently muscled back facing her, as he cups water between his hands to bring over his head, dampening it from white to a darker silver color.

His hair is shorter than it had been two weeks ago, she realizes, and she bites down on her lip as she realizes she likes it – a lot. Her eyes then fixate on the silvery jagged lines of the scars which crisscross his back, tracing her gaze down to where the top of his hips disappears into the glowing turquoise of the spring water. He has more scars on his back than he has on his front, she notes, evidence of his years of brutal training.

Evidence of his loss; great, unimaginable loss.

Because even the most skilled soldiers cannot save everyone, a truism she knew tore Sanemi apart. As memories of their past conversations came flooding back to her, memories of Sanemi telling her exactly what had happened to his family, his partner in the Corps, Y/N feels the oily slick of guilt seep into her gut.

It is ironic, that Sanemi Shinazugawa of all people, had felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with her, — both physically and emotionally — but she had run at the first opportunity for her to return that vulnerability.

She, who had prided herself on being someone that others could depend on, could turn to in moments of need.

But she had run.

Because she is a coward.

He is beautiful and good and selfless and she is a damn coward.

Y/N’s shoulder throbs so violently it feels as if it has its own heartbeat, but Y/N doesn’t pay it any mind. She does not sink deeper into the beckoning warmth of the spring water to try and relieve the ache that is so deep it makes tears sting her eyes.

Such comfort is the least she deserves for the pain she has caused him.

——————————

He hadn’t meant to look. He swears he hadn’t.

But Sanemi accidentally turns when he hears her hiss, an instinctive urge to respond to a threat, to protect her forcing his head around, only to see no threat existed at all. Rather, the sound seemed to have been made in response to her shoulder wound.

She is not turned away from him completely — he has a perfect view of her side profile, the side of her injured shoulder facing him directly. Though her body is mostly concealed by the thick curtain of dark hair that spills down to her waist, he can see that Y/N still has her good arm locked snugly around her chest, in some futile attempt to conceal her ample breasts from sight.

Sanemi bites his lip to keep from snorting. Did it seem stupid, considering he had seen her in a far more intimate setting just a couple of weeks prior? Obviously. But Y/N’s discomfort with the situation had been obvious the moment she had stumbled across him in the hot springs, and Sanemi isn’t about to push her any further.

Especially after the stunt she just pulled on their mission.

He means to turn around once he confirmed that she was safe, that there was no threat looming in the woods surrounding the rocky hot spring. But his eyes snag on her face, on the grimace that twists at her mouth and the furrow of her eyebrows as she massages the tender skin around her swollen shoulder joint.

He hates to see her in pain. Hates it so much, it makes him want to rip the world apart with his bare hands.

And maybe it was because it tore at him to see her in such pain that he feels compelled to speak up, even though he knew he was opening himself up for more rejection, even rejection as her friend.

“You need heat,” Sanemi says, turning fully towards her.

Y/N startles slightly at the sound of Sanemi’s voice cleaving through the silent tension that had been steadily building between them. She turns her head slightly to face him, good arm tightening its hold over her chest.

He is standing in the water, body turned fully towards her. The blue-green spring water laps gently at the toned muscles of his lower abdominals, but Y/N can still make out the start of the impressive “v” of his hips. Her cheeks warm at the sight of the small trail of silvery hair that began just beneath his navel winding down and disappearing beneath the surface of the water to the crop of neatly trimmed hair that she knows frames his thick, proud length.

Y/N’s mouth runs dry as the memory of what Sanemi did to her with that length on the training grounds of his estate flashes through her mind.

So lost in thought is she that she almost forgets to respond to what Sanemi has said, flushing a deeper shade of crimson when she realizes that he had been talking about her wound.

“O-oh, I know. It’s just hard to do when I’m — well, you know.” Y/N laughs shakily, wiggling her good shoulder and the position of her arm across her chest.

Sanemi stares at her for a moment, eyebrows raised incredulously, though Y/N drops her gaze from him before she can see the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I can help — if you’re comfortable with it, that is.” Sanemi offers.

Y/N feels her heart lurch at the silver-haired man’s proposition, guilt sliding back into her veins. She does not deserve his kindness, does not deserve his help after how she has treated him, and yet he offered nonetheless.

Y/N cannot deny him again, not when he seems so earnest in wanting to help ease her pain, so she nods. Something like relief flits across Sanemi’s face as he begins to make his way through the water towards her, keeping his eyes fixed behind her out of respect.

When Sanemi is close enough to reach out and touch her, he stops, the water having risen slightly up his waist now that he is in a deeper portion of the spring.

“You can — you can turn away. Put your back to me.” Sanemi says, awkwardly shifting his weight between his legs.

Y/N nods and turns to face away from him. Sanemi’s proximity sends chills across her skin, and Y/N’s belly dips in anticipation as she waits. The thick, damp air of the spring combines with the hot water licking at her upper waist makes her feel dizzy. Wordlessly, Sanemi cups a handful of hot water and brings it up over Y/N’s bruising shoulder, opening his palms to let it pour over her skin.

Though her arm remains firmly placed over her cleavage, for the first time in a long while, the Lunar Pillar feels her body begin to relax under the exquisite heat of the spring water Sanemi delicately pours over her tender shoulder.

So relaxed is she that she does not realize she is drifting backwards, not until her head thuds lightly against something hard and warm. Jolted by the sudden contact, the Lunar Hashira’s silvery eyes fly open and collide with the lilac irises above her, the surprise in his gaze a mirror of her own. 

He is now much closer to her than he had been, and it is with no small amount of embarrassment that the Lunar Pillar realizes that in her haze, she has sunken back against the taut, warm body of Sanemi Shinazugawa.

There is a hint of red that begins to spread across the girl’s cheeks as she looks up at him that makes Sanemi’s ears burn, and he quickly moves his own gaze to somewhere — anywhere — that isn’t the ethereal creature now peering up at him with those haunting eyes.

He wills his other head to not react to the feeling of the girl’s head against his sternum; to not react to the silkiness of her hair or the thick haze of jasmine and honeysuckle soap which now enveloped him.

God, has she always smelt this good?

There is no making sense of what happened next. the Lunar Pillar lifts her head from Sanemi’s chest and turns to face him completely, her left arm still failing to totally obscure the luscious swell of her breasts from view. She peers up at him, as he continues to try and glare at a nearby rock in a futile attempt to not show that he has been watching her every bit as much as she is watching him.

Slowly, the Lunar Hashira lifts her free hand to lightly graze a thick scar that slants Sanemi’s left pectoral. She marvels at how it is both jagged and thick but surprisingly smooth and soft beneath the gentle press of her fingers.

Her touch is feather-light but Sanemi feels the skin beneath her soft caress erupt into flames, his cock beginning to stir at the slight contact.

She begins to trace her fingers to the start of another scar lacing his chest — slightly lower than the first — when Sanemi’s hand snatches up to grab her own, stilling its movements.

“Don’t-“he hisses through clenched teeth, his eyes screwed shut as though in pain. His grip on her is firm, but not harsh. “Don’t touch me like that.”

The Lunar Pillar feels the guilt and shame, hot and relentless, course through her blood. Of course he doesn’t want her to touch him — she rejected him after all. Though she had realized there was no point in trying to run from the blossoming warmth she felt her in her chest every time she looked at the stone-faced Hashira, that did not mean he wanted her, too.

Swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat, she moves to quickly pull her hand away, an apology already falling from her lips at her complete lack of professionalism, at her idiocy—

Sanemi’s grip on her hand tightens before she can remove it, pressing her hand harder against his chest. “Don’t touch me like that,” he repeats, opening his eyes to look down at her startled, red face, “because I won’t-.” He winces, trying but failing to cut himself off before he could make the admission that would surely damn them both.

“Because I won’t be able to stop myself if you do.”

Y/N’s eyes fly up to meet Sanemi’s burning stare, her breath catching in her throat. She curls her fingers against his chest, her arm falling from its position across her breasts so that she is fully exposed to him, and Sanemi thinks his heart might fly out of his chest. She steps closer to him until the soft plush of her chest lays flush against his upper abdomen, the heavenly feeling causing Sanemi’s cock to throb as she leans in close.

Sanemi’s free hand itches to touch her, to rise to rest on the dip of her waist and tug her close, but he holds back, insistent that he gives her an out, a window to walk away if that was what she still wanted.

Instead, Y/N stares up at him through a thick cluster of dark lashes, her gaze setting his skin on fire as she further presses herself against him.

“Then don’t.” She whispers.

Sanemi’s heart skips several beats, and his fingers tentatively rise to brush the skin of her waist, Y/N’s eyes fluttering softly at the contact. He lifts his hand, however, to cup her jaw, forcing her to look back at him, needing to see her eyes to confirm that she truly wanted this — wanted him.

“If we keep going, that’s it. No more running from one another.” He warns, voice hoarse with desire and emotion. “There will be no one else.”

Y/N leans her face into his touch, and Sanemi thinks his knees might buckle right then. “There never was anyone else,” she says earnestly, raising her good arm to parrot the hold he has on her face. “It’s only you, Sanemi. It has only ever been you.”

Whatever resolve Sanemi had kept tethered within himself snaps, as he crashes his mouth down against Y/N’s, her mouth opening easily to allow his tongue entrance. He crushes her face against his, desperate to give everything he has and to take whatever it is she can offer him.

Y/N moans deeply into his mouth, her fingers threading themselves through his damp hair. Sanemi’s kiss is so deep that she feels as though he will consume her whole, but she cannot find it in herself to care because, for him, she would let herself burn.

His lips are still locked on hers as he drops his hands from her face, reaching down to grip under her thighs and lifting her up, Y/N’s legs locking around his waist with ease. Sanemi makes his way towards a small, rocky island that separated the hot spring into two, connected pools, wading seamlessly through the water. 

Y/N breaks from the impassioned kiss with a gasp as the cold, rough edge of the rocky bank scrapes against her back. Sanemi uses the opportunity to readjust his hold on her, lifting her slightly up to press her against the island so that he has better access to her neck and below, though he does not drop the iron grip he holds on her hips.

Sanemi dances his lips down the elegant length of Y/N’s neck, pausing to suck on her sensitive pulse point and eliciting a high, keening moan from her. He moves one hand from its bruising grip from its position on one of her thighs, wrapped tightly around his waist, trailing it teasingly under her to knead the soft flesh of her backside. Y/N moans again, grinding her hips against him, desperate for the tiniest bit of friction against her core which was now aching with her need.

Sanemi growls as Y/N’s core brushes against his throbbing length, his teeth sinking into the juncture between her good shoulder and neck as he nipped her in warning. As much as he wants to bury himself in her intoxicating heat, he will not do so until he knows she is good and ready to receive him.

He pulls away from her neck to look at her, his eyes dark with need and with something deeper, something tender that Y/N won’t name right now, even though she cannot deny that she feels it, too. His cheeks are dusted pink, and his lips are reddened by her kiss. His hair, though still damp, is perfectly tousled from her fingers, and his chest heaves as he tries to control his breathing.

Sanemi is beautiful and Y/N knows in her heart that she is doomed. Doomed because there will never be anything as good as this — as good as him.

He doesn’t hesitate to pounce back on her, hand dragging down the front of her torso to fondle her breast, his lips following down the same path. Before Y/N can draw another breath, her breast is sucked into Sanemi’s deliciously hot mouth just as a rough, callused finger runs over the slit at her core, dipping below slightly to brush against the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. Y/N cries out then, her fingers moving to clutch onto Sanemi’s shoulders, and she finds that it is easy to ignore the throb in her injured shoulder when he is working to relieve the pulsing ache between her legs.

Sanemi begins murmuring against Y/N’s breast as he slides one thick finger into her, causing Y/N’s hands to fly up to grip his hair, pulling harshly at the strands as she is overwhelmed by the sensation. He tells her she is beautiful, how perfect she feels clenching around him, and how he cannot wait to be inside her and make her sing. He slips in another finger, his thumb pressing against her clit as his teeth graze her nipple, and Y/N shatters in his arms.

“Mnnnh, Sanemi,” she pants, thighs tightening around his waist as she grinds herself relentlessly against his hand. “Oh!”

Y/N comes with the prettiest moan Sanemi has ever heard, and it takes everything in him not to follow suit just by the look of blissful pleasure on her face. Sanemi cuts off her cries with another kiss, fingers curling inside her as he brushes against the sensitive spongy patch on her inner wall, causing Y/N to fall apart all over again, a gush of fluid coating his hand for a second before the water washes it away.

Y/N feels delirious from pleasure, but a cold sting rushes through her, cutting through the hazy fog in her mind as Sanemi removes his fingers from her needy core, her walls still clenching in the aftershock of her successive orgasms. The sting does not last, however, as Sanemi readjusts her thighs around his hips, unhooking one of her legs to bring it up to her side against the rock island, bending it at the knee. He hikes her other leg higher up his waist so that her core is now pressed flush against his demanding length, its weight heavy and hot as it rests against her sensitive flesh.

He rubs his cock against her dripping folds, the friction causing Y/N’s head to fall back against the rocky bank with a thud, uncaring as a wanton moan rips from her throat. Sanemi has one hand supporting the leg pinned against the rock at her thigh, and the other grips her waist tightly, using the rest of his body weight to keep her slightly upright and pressed against the stone.

The grip on her waist tightens as he calls her attention back to him. Through half-lidded eyes, she sees him staring intently at her, eyebrows raised in question, and she realizes that he is waiting for her signal.

The thought that he would still wait for her consent, that he is still offering her an out if she wanted it, is enough to make her want to cry. But she can’t stop now, can’t stop ever, because Sanemi makes her blood sing and she is so tired of denying herself the happiness she feels whenever he is near.

“Oh Sanemi, please. Please.” She begs, rolling her hips towards him, desperate for him to claim her all over again, to make her his and his alone.

Sanemi does not waste any more time as he carefully sinks into her, a strangled groan falling from his lips as he no doubt was overly sensitive from having waited so long. Y/N’s head falls back against the stone embankment and she cries out, finally feeling whole as he seats himself fully inside her.

Sanemi does not wait long to start moving and for that, Y/N is grateful. But unlike their first pairing at his estate, Sanemi takes his time, rocking his hips into hers, cock hitting her so deep that she cannot tell where she ends and he begins. Their first time had been the product of repressed sexual tension that had been steadily building between them, hard and fast and needy, but this?

This was different.

This was passion. This was both the end and the beginning, a sacred covenant between them that bound their hearts together, entwined their souls for infinity.

As Sanemi’s hips pick up the pace against her, the water stirring and sloshing and breaking around them with the force of his thrusts, Y/N realizes that until now, she has been on fire.

She had been from the moment their lips had met during training at his estate. She had been engulfed in an inferno that had only grown hotter, had only consumed her more, when she had tried to run, tried to deny the love that had bloomed in her heart well before she had ever offered herself to him for pleasure. For the last two weeks, she has burned and burned because she had known deep in her soul that she loved Sanemi Shinazugawa and had put herself in hell trying to deny it — to deny him.

Yet he had come and saved her, again, had pulled her out of that pit of fire and brimstone and smothered the flames with his tender heart and tender kiss, and now she was no longer burning; she was just warm.

Warm and safe and in love.

“Y/N,” Sanemi rasps, his forehead pressed against hers as his eyes bore into her, his mouth falling open. His hands clutch her tighter against him, the possessive drag of his cock making Y/N see stars as she clings to him, moaning and whimpering as she feels her release building inside her belly.

And though she is unable to stop the words that fall from her lips, she means them with every ounce of her heart.

“I love you,” she whimpers, fingers digging into Sanemi’s back as his hips stutter slightly against her at her words, the movement resulting in a delicious spike of pleasure against her clit. “I love you, Sanemi.”

Sanemi’s forehead pulls away from her own, his eyes wide and so full of hope it breaks her heart. He does not say anything, but the way he then kisses her makes her taste his response.

I love you, too.

Y/N breaks the kiss, her moans growing louder as her end nears, and from the way Sanemi’s movements quicken, becoming slightly uneven, she knows he is near as well. So Y/N presses her hands against the sides of his face, thumb running over the jagged scar cutting across his cheek as she tilts his head up to look at her.

Lavender eyes meet hers and Sanemi tumbles headfirst over the edge.

He comes with a shout, the tendons in his neck straining as his hips press hard against her. Y/N feels the warm rush his seed start to fill her and she follows after him, clenching so hard on his cock that Sanemi moans again, his release prolonged by Y/N’s pulsating walls around him.

They are both finally spent but Sanemi cannot yet bring himself to pull out, instead burying his face in Y/N’s neck as he tries to catch his breath.

“Did you mean it?” He pants against her sweaty skin, his breath causing goosebumps to ripple across her. “Did you mean what you said?”

Y/N moves to cup his face, pulling him away from her neck so he can meet her eyes. Though he is inside her, he blushes as she peers up at him, her expression serious.

“I love you, Sanemi. I have for a while,” She pauses, considering. “Longer than I was willing to admit two weeks ago.”

And her words are so honest, spoken with such conviction, that Sanemi cannot stop the grin that spreads across his face, and Y/N thinks she has never seen a more beautiful sight than a smiling Sanemi Shinazugawa, as he leans to kiss her slowly and languid.

————————

It’s hours later, and the two have not left the hot spring, even though they’ve long stopped feeling the heat of the water.

They had not stopped themselves from having one another again and again. Sanemi had still been buried inside of her when she had felt him harden as she professed her love for him again, and so she had had no choice but to move him under her and ride him until he shouted her name, filling her back up with his essence.

Y/N now rests her head on Sanemi’s chest, fingers tracing the outline of the scars dancing across his pectorals.

God, he was beautiful.

His scars told a story — a story of a warrior who gave every part of himself to the dream they shared of ridding the world of demons.

A story of strength; of survival. A warning that he had won every encounter with every demon who crossed his path.

It was a beautiful story. He was a beautiful story.

“Ugly, aren’t they?”

Sanemi’s derisive tone startles Y/N from where she lay, and she looks up at him in alarm. Though the expression on his face was soft — contented, even — there is an unmistakable hardness in his eyes as he glances down to where her fingers rested.

“What on earth do you mean?” Y/N demands, fanning her hand out protectively across his chest.

Sanemi does not respond, merely choosing to smile ruefully at her.

But Y/N shakes her head. “No. No, they’re not ugly; not in the slightest.” She moves so she’s sitting on his lap and bends over him, brushing her lips along the outline of each scar that crosses his skin.

“You’re beautiful.” Y/N insists between the press of her lips to him.

Sanemi reddens but shakes his head at her.  “They scare kids, ya know. And girls. And most people, for that matter.”

Y/N looks up from the scar she is currently lavishing and sees Sanemi watching her intently. She sits up, reaching a hand to cup under his chin so that he won’t try and hide from her, won’t try to avoid what she is about to say.

“Your beauty has never scared me, Sanemi. Ever.” She swears, voice firm and steady.

Sanemi’s heart feels like it is going to punch through his chest and dance across Y/N’s lap. At that moment, Sanemi realizes that nothing else matters to him, nothing at all, except for the woman with the kindest heart he’s ever known and the moon in her eyes.

So he sits up, and cradles her face while he kisses her softly, breaking away from her only to respond to her earlier declaration.

“I love you, too.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

I hope you all enjoyed it!

Here is the reference for the Lunar Pillar's naginata blade -- fun fact, naginatas were historically used by Japanese noblewomen for protection!

Tag-list:

@stuckinthewrongworld @ladytamayolover @sweetblueworm @kazehayaaa @horror4themasses @catzpawn @lollypoporabullet @fuckimgenderfluid @sobbing-bunny @otaku-reblogs @umekohiganbana @mydreamissleeping @finnydraws

[rumor-imbris]

Silence has broken, La Fatina Lunare came back once more!

Just out of curiosity, if you could write a one-shot of your girl Mary and her beloved Connor right now, what would the story be about? Is it set in their timeline? Is it a fantasy setting? Modern AU? If the muses are kind to you now to write a story of them, would you post it or would you keep it to yourself?

Your Fatina Lunare🌙✨ as always embracing sweetly to her little moth friend.

My sweet Lunar Fairy!! My damsel of light, Giulietta <3 I missed your asks so terribly! You are most welcome here again!

First thing first, sorry for answering so late... but working on an audiobook is literally draining me all, it's so hard and time-consuming, also so much details and editing needs to be done at any moment... uffh... and hot weather doesn't help!! (You know how much I hate it!)

Now, I'll stop complaining and answer your fantastic question. So, let me think... A one-shot... mmhh... I think it would be something I had in mind a little while ago, about Connor and Mary saving a group of native and black young women sold by some Templar scoundrels to be wives (well, better say maids and sexual slaves) for new settlers heartless men coming from all over Europe and Great Britain. Also, during this mission Mary would have her left knee seriously injured, but she would think herself relieved for having saved all of the girls from that horrific traffic, no matter the high cost! It would be set in the early '90s of the 18th century; and I think Baltimore would be a nice background, a great stop-over for the Aquila!

To be honest, if I ever write this down (and remember I still want to write my historical AU novel, which is still a WIP at the moment!!), I don't think I'll ever post it on here. I don't know... I think people, or my followers in general, don't care much of other things I write, apart from the poems maybe. I mean it could easily go unseen, as it already happened in the past, so... No, I think I would keep it to myself (or for my fairy sis, if she wishes, of course ^_-)

Thank you so much for visiting me Come back soon, I'll always be waiitng for my Giulietta *w*

Love you tenderly

Your little sister Lady Connor

[silalcarin]

My favorite FFVIII moments from the FF 25th Memorial Ultimania Vol. 2 — Part 2

The Ultimania shows the following below, under Rinoa's "Memorable Quotes." This implies that it's canon for Rinoa to be in Squall's party while he goes to Balamb Garden, and not in Selphie's party while she goes to the Galbadia Missile Base:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Rinoa's "Memorable Scenes." Once again, this implies that it's canon for Rinoa to be in Squall's party while he goes to Balamb Garden, and not in Selphie's party while she goes to the Galbadia Missile Base:

Um, excuse me, "assaults"? "Assault" means to "make a physical attack on" and "the illegal act of causing physical harm or unwanted physical contact to another person, or, in some legal definitions, the threat or attempt to do so." Rinoa literally doesn't physically attack Squall. Hell, she never even touches him throughout this whole scene and the guided tour that comes afterwards. Where the hell is this damn "assault", localization team?

Not to mention that it doesn't match up the rest of the paragraph, which describes the scene more favorably — "convincing him to show her around the Garden", "audacious behavior." I don't know what this sentence looks like in its original Japanese kanji, since these screenshots are from the official English translation, but all I know is that it's a poor word choice to use.

I'm pointing out the incongruity of the word because I'm a survivor of both physical and sexual assault. So when that word is used incorrectly, I take offense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ultimania shows the following below, under Quistis's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for Squall, Zell and Selphie to avoid fighting the X-ATM092, leading to the FMV of Quistis destroying it and saving Squall:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Quistis's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for Squall to allow Irvine to form a party with Rinoa and Selphie, leaving Quistis and Zell with him, as they exit Galbadia Garden:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Zell's "Memorable Quotes." This implies that it's canon for Squall to question Zell's leadership and his ability to watch over and protect Edea ("...Not too sure about that") in Lunar Gate:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Zell's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for the Combat King 003 sidequest (a.k.a., the Zell's Love Quest) to be completed:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Zell's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for not only Rinoa to be in Squall's party while he goes to Balamb Garden, but also for Zell to be in his party as well. This also implies that it's canon for Quistis and Irvine to be in Selphie's party while she goes to the Galbadia Missile Base:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ultimania shows the following below, under Zell's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for the Deep Sea Research Center sidequest to be completed, and for Zell to be in Squall's party throughout the sidequest:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Selphie's "Memorable Quotes." This implies that it's canon for Squall to: 1) not jump off the cliff after Selphie, and instead take the long way around; 2) disagree with Zell about jumping off the cliff ("I don't know about that…"), despite not doing so himself, leading to him calling Zell a "chicken-wuss" like Seifer does and Selphie following him:

Bear in mind, however, that this exchange will actually lower your Attitude score during the SeeD field exam. So, why the Ultimania implies that this exchange is canon is anyone's guess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ultimania shows the following below, under Selphie's "Memorable Scenes." Once again, this implies that it's canon for Zell and Rinoa to be in Squall's party while he goes to Balamb Garden, and it's canon for Quistis and Irvine to be in Selphie's party while she goes to the Galbadia Missile Base:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Selphie's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for Selphie and Rinoa to be in Squall's party when they visit Trabia Garden:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Irvine's "Memorable Scenes." Once again, this implies that it's canon for Squall to allow Irvine to form a party with Rinoa and Selphie, leaving Quistis and Zell with him, as they exit Galbadia Garden:

Also, way to go, localization team. The party left Galbadia Garden, not Trabia Garden.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ultimania shows the following below, under Laguna's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for Zell and Selphie to be in Squall's party when they fight Adel:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Kiros's "Memorable Quotes." This implies that it's canon for Squall to talk to Laguna, Kiros and Ward in the Ragnarok as they prepare to save Ellone:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Kiros's "Memorable Scenes." This implies that it's canon for Quistis and Zell to be in Squall's party when they meet Laguna, Kiros and Ward in Esthar:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Cactuar's "Memorable Feature" in the Monsters section. This implies that it's canon for the Cactuar sidequest to be completed, and for Zell and Irvine to be in Squall's party throughout the sidequest:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under PuPu's "Memorable Feature" in the Monsters section. This implies that it's canon for the PuPu UFO? sidequest to be completed, and for Zell and Rinoa to be in Squall's party throughout the sidequest:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Adel's "Memorable Feature" in the Monsters section. Once again, this implies that it's canon for Zell and Selphie to be in Squall's party when they fight Adel:

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The Ultimania shows the following below, under Odin's "Memorable Scene" in the Extra Content — Guardian Forces section. This implies that it's canon for Zell and Rinoa to be in Squall's party when they fight Seifer in Lunatic Pandora:

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Link to Part 1

NOTE: This post had to be split into two parts, due to the 30-picture limit.

[intothehawkseyes]

The Dancer in the Moonlight - Dracule Mihawk x Female OC/Reader (N.S.F.W)

hello, it's been 84 years... but i'm here to update this fanfic uwu

warnings: alcohol

word count: 3k

ao3, spirit (português)

if you are a new reader, you can find the first chapter here and welcome, i hope you enjoy it! to the older readers, i hope you forgive me for the late update and keep interested :( but the next chapter will be coming up sooner than this one and will be nsfw!

but, have a good read, and comments are greatly welcome and sorry for any mistake!!! <3

A legend was heard over the seas and on land about an event that changed the lunar cycle of an entire island. According to what was said, on a night of strong storm, a woman goes into labor at sea, alone, in a small sailing boat. Right after the first baby cry, the waves stop and the moon that lit up behind dense clouds begins to make room for the biggest star. Astonished, the island's inhabitants watch the postpartum woman return safely with the baby in her arms, while trying to understand how someone could survive in a small boat in the middle of a storm at sea, as they have never witnessed such a phenomenon. In addition to the miraculous birth, they also saw the sun entering the moon's front, leaving them even more open-mouthed. The most emotional ones say that the eclipse happened because the baby would be the “Heir of the Moon”, and the Sun was the first guest to visit her at her birth. And even within the legend, from that moment on, the location of the island simply disappeared from all compasses, preventing people from going after the truth, thus putting the child's safety at risk, as it was graced by a strange power coming from the Moon, and could attract a lot of malicious people. However, with the passage of time, the legend fell into the oblivion of adults and became just a story for children.

Even though there is no evidence as to the veracity of the correlation with the legendary island, as it is no more than a fictional story, there is actually an island named Gesshoku¹, which is well known for producing the best wines, and many believe that this one island is the same one present in the story and the speculation comes from the suggestive name that surrounds the natural satellite – so present in the legend – and the fact that it does not appear in any compass.

However, although it seemed complicated to go there, it is not difficult to find pirates who have visited Gesshoku Island, and it is said to be located on the edge of the Grand Line, at a point where the ocean waters are treacherous, making many vessels diverted to the Calm Belt, making the adventure extremely dangerous.

Regardless of what is real or fiction, whether there is any heir to the Moon with strange powers or not, I went to Gesshoku Island just for the wine.

Contrary to all the rumors surrounding arriving on the island at the risk of being thrown to a stationary place and loaded with kings of the seas, my trip was smooth, and I got there without any harm.

The first thing I noticed upon arriving was the hospitality of the locals. Everyone always with smiles on their faces ready to welcome each foreigner who docked their boats and ships in the port. With me it was no different, something that was not always the case as I was usually received by crossed and contemptuous looks. Still, I left my boat moored in a strategic, remote corner, always on the lookout in case something went wrong along the way.

I went there with the script already decided. First I would look for an inn to stay in, and leave my little luggage and soon after I would go to a winery to learn more about wine making and only then would I go out in search of information about the place and its customs. However, the energy of the island, which I hadn't identified right away, meant that plans were all put aside so that fate would define each visitor's itinerary. I was no exception.

The first sign that my itinerary was not going to work was when all the inns and hotels were full, I only got a place very far from the central area, which made me frustrated, but the room was clean, spacious and quiet, so I stayed right there. The second sign was that the wineries were closed due to a pest that had spread to almost all the vines, resulting in a considerable reduction in the production of wines.

Maybe I should have checked out of the inn at that moment, but I insisted, because the trip, although calm, had been long and I wouldn't waste money and time like that.

Resigned, I stopped in front of a bar and for a quick glance I saw a rather presentable cellar. I entered. And it was in this bar that I would come to know the lady of my life and the one responsible for my misfortune, even if she wasn't aware of it at that point.

♚♛

I was just sipping the wine, alert enough not to be caught off guard, but not enough to pay attention to the unrestrained in and out of the bar. I just wanted to relax and enjoy the moment of peace presented to myself after so many setbacks. However, my peace was shaken when, in a fraction of a second, and in the rare glances I gave the establishment's door, my eyes caught the figure of a woman who entered the place. She would be just another random customer that would leave my mind the instant she was no longer within sight of my eyes if it weren't for her imposing way of carrying herself. Something about her made my eyes nab at her image, maybe it was the elegant way of tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, or the almost sensual way of crossing her legs – quite attractive, by the way –, and straightening her posture as she sat in the front chair at the counter after ordering.

It was involuntary the way I followed her every gesture with my eyes. I can't explain it, but I just couldn't take my eyes off that woman. She chatted amiably with the bartender, like good old friends, and my curiosity and desire to get closer to her only grew as she tilted her head back to laugh at something the man had said to her. She was unusually different from other women, who carried themselves in a restrained manner, always hiding their mouths with their hands when they laughed. But that stranger didn't seem to care what others might say, she acted spontaneously, in such a way that it would be impossible not to notice her. Despite the flashy aura emanating from her, I seemed to be the only one affected there. I reined in my instincts and turned my attention to my wine, which no longer tasted so good, still intrigued that I had been so uneasy in the presence of this strange lady.

Though I tried not to look at her too much, I still wasn't able to contain the urge to take a few furtive glances in the direction she was sitting and talking to the attendant, condemning me for acting like a fool because she didn't seem to have the same interest in me, since she hadn't even looked at where I was, as her friend had sometimes done.

But to my surprise, before I could leave my seat to settle my bill, she was quicker to get up, still looking at the bartender, and pointing to a bottle of wine that was in a prominent place, which was one of those that should be opened on very special occasions. Which seemed to be the case with her, since she said out loud – too loud – that this was a special night and that she wouldn't be tasting the wine alone. After that, she straightened her robes before grabbing the bottle and leaving the bar, this time holding my gaze with those unreadable eyes.

I was never a man to prioritize dating – that's not exactly the right word to describe my relationships with the opposite gender, although I kept my sex life active as much as possible. I've also never been stubborn about moving mountains to get someone. I have always been objective and valued for mutual interest. When I had the need to indulge myself sexually with a woman, I specifically went out looking for it. However, the instant that mysterious lady entered the same bar I was in, my focus completely changed. I felt an itch grow in my lower belly and a restlessness took possession of my being.

After she left the establishment with that bottle of wine, her words began to echo in my mind with an undertone of reproach to my fixation. Surely she would have a boyfriend or even be married, I figured. So I put it in the back of my mind, in a place with difficult access, and headed towards the inn to take a shower and then decide to go back to my house. This island had already brought me enough trouble and I wasn't about to face another one.

And once again something stopped my plans.

Along the way, I heard the voices of three children whispering to each other, as if they were deciding who would approach someone. When I get angry and turn around to tell the three of them to shut up, my eyes lock on the tiny figure of a girl of about nine or ten years old, and I completely forget the reprimand for being amazed at the child's stark resemblance to the woman from the bar.

"Hello you!!" she says in a small voice, forcing a sympathetic smile. “Today there's going to be a festival here, can you attend…?”, she tried to formulate sentences while nervously gesturing with her hands, which were holding a crumpled piece of paper. “Here! It's tonight, don't go away because there will be good wine!” she said before throwing the crumpled paper near my feet, which I assumed was so I could pick it up and read it, and run off with the other two boys who were with her. In the distance I could hear them questioning what their sister had seen in a man so terrifying that he had made her fall in love.

I would have ignored the paper if I hadn't overheard such a conversation. So I picked it up and stuffed it into my pocket and headed to the inn, this time succeeding in my goal.

♚♛

After my shower, I rested in the lounging chair while reading a book I had picked up in the small library of the inn where I talked about the island. A curious thing was the value they placed on their customs and pride in their local culture.

Although focused on reading, my mind diverged on how interesting was the existing variety of children's books about the child "Heir of the Moon" in all ways, illustrated, in comic book form, short stories, lullabies and etc., which made me wonder if Gesshoku Island couldn't really be home to such a legend.

But that aside, I finished reading the book and intended to take it back to the library. The piece of paper given to me by the child earlier fell with a photo of one of my overcoat pockets as soon as I picked it up. This time I paid attention to it. It was a pamphlet about the festival and information, no biggie. However, the possibility that that woman was there crossed my mind, and this idea only intensified when I noticed that the photo that had fallen next to the brochure, which I deduced had been purposely placed there, was of a young woman with unreadable eyes, the same ones that met mine at the bar.

Maybe a festival wasn't such a bad thing. I was there for the distraction, after all. With that in mind, I gained the inn hallway and headed toward the library.

♚♛

When the sun was already fading over the horizon, from the window of the room I was staying in, I could see a crowd taking on an increasingly voluminous shape. The winemakers were already preparing to open the best wines from their respective cellars to offer their customers and also juices for those who were not old enough to drink alcoholic beverages.

The festival took place once a year, from what I've read about the island's culture, and there was no specific day, just so that any obstacles would not prevent the event from happening – such as the last one in which a plague spread through the winery –, and so that the strangers present would not return home without knowing the most valuable thing the island could offer.

I stayed on the porch just as an observer, I wasn't in the mood to face that crowd of people, although I wanted to taste a good wine, I knew that place was exceptional for that. So I preferred to wait patiently for the right time and also when the excitement of the beginning of the party calmed down a little. Furthermore, the best wines would be the last to be opened, as it was a way of holding as many people as possible.

Between glances at the movement below, I caught the moment when the three children from earlier appeared in the crowd. With the same energy, but much more excited. Even though I was a considerable distance away, I could see them passing each booth to look at the treats while a young woman approached them to pay for what they ordered. And the lady was the same one from the bar, as I thought.

And that was my cue for me to enjoy the festival too.

Lucky for me, people were too busy enjoying the festivities and entertaining the festival's attractions. I was one more among so many people, and so I went unnoticed by any enemies who were there. With this feeling of tranquility, I was also able to enjoy it in my own way, in a more remote location.

After a while there, I was able to feel much more at ease. The island's atmosphere and energy were welcoming and made anyone feel at home. Maybe it was the way the locals treated the outsiders, with a lot of sympathy and smiles, or maybe it was the wine I had drunk but any irritation caused by the adversities throughout the day seemed to have completely disappeared and I tasted of a tranquility that only then I felt when I was in my house.

After just watching the coming and going of people, between sips of wine and another, my eyes caught the moment when a cluster of people formed around an enigmatic figure of a woman. Before I could think too hard or try to figure out her identity, the dancer began a shy, slow dance. The restrained gestures were encouraged by the small audience around her and they began to create a firmer and more precise form. The way that woman was gesturing was familiar to me, but I didn't try to remember as I wanted to watch it. I must admit that I carry a fascination with dancing with me, although I've never talked about it with anyone. It's really interesting to see how someone manages to use their body to express themselves, which was the case in the middle of the festival. The dancer in question seemed to have mastered the art of dancing and was in full control of every member of her body, as the dance had steps that only someone with a lot of training could reproduce, and these were performed with such skill that they looked as smooth as a feather. .

As I was far away, almost hidden in the dimness, the dancing woman had her back to me, so I only had a view of her back, which was covered in light, thin fabrics that reminded her of veils and that hid her body curves. But the feeling of familiarity only increased as the dance progressed to a climax, and at that moment the person turned and as if it were predestined, our eyes met and it was as if everything had cleared: it was the girl from the bar.

Even though her eyes were covered by a kind of transparent mask, I would have recognized them from yards away. And the moment she noticed my presence, her movements abruptly changed. If before they were firm and precise, now they seemed much looser and more sensual. The dance took another turn and my sanity was almost taken with it.

The dancer did not lose focus as she changed the tone of her dance, quite the contrary, the transition was made so smoothly that it was not noticeable. Still hidden in my personal space almost in darkness, my eyes followed her every movement of her hips and my mind immersed in nasty thoughts. Her silhouette wasn't well defined due to her fabrics, but that didn't stop me from tracing her in my imagination. She used her hands too, with her eyes locked on mine, gesturing as if inviting me to join her, and as soon as she changed direction, breaking our eye contact, and unpretentiously she moved and the fabrics fluttered so that I got a glimpse of her curves for milliseconds, but enough to take my breath away. She really knew what she was doing and used all her weapons to get what she wanted. I just let myself go.

However, her dancing not only caught my attention, but also some pirates present there, who began to direct her obscene words, which she didn't seem to hear, as she didn't change her way of dancing for even a second. I continued as a passive spectator, just watching the unfolding of the event, she continued the dance and I kept my attention on her, and the pirates too, until the point came that one of them dared to invade the dancer's personal space and from that what unfolded was very fast: a very loud popping noise and the power outage that lasted for less than thirty seconds, but when everything lit up again, the dancer was no longer on her stage and in her place only one purple pink smoke poured from the floor. It was a cheap trick, but it was effective because the pirates were like dizzy cockroaches trying to figure out where the woman had gone.

She had come towards me, I just felt her presence sneak past me leaving a trail of soft perfume and a touch on my hand causing a new shiver down my spine, out of the corner of my eye I saw her disappearing once and for all into the darkness.

Still a little dizzy from the alcohol, but much more sober than before, I made my way to the inn room where I would check-out.

I made the journey slowly, packed my things and took a new shower to chase away any traces of drunkenness and left the place after paying off the bill and headed towards the place where my boat was moored, not without first searching all the places in search of the woman who had disturbed my mind all day, not finding her. Resigned, I decided to leave.

I unhitched it and advanced the boat towards the ocean that would take me back home, but before I could make my way home I saw her finally. This time she was sitting on the dock, as if waiting for someone, and unlike the baggy clothes that hid her curves, she now wore a tight red dress, fully defining her voluptuous figure. Beside her was the bottle of wine she'd picked up earlier at the bar and two crystal glasses. I risked walking past her, and I didn't have to do anything to get her attention, because as soon as she looked at me and gave me a crystalline smile. Seeing her up close, she looked even more beautiful.

We didn't say anything, as if we understood each other mutely, she held out the wine and glasses to me and I picked them up and set them down in a corner of the boat and then it was time to put her there. I pulled her around the waist and now she was much closer to me and I was now able to see every detail of her face. As beautiful as the full moon that illuminated the entire island imposingly.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No.1

Jupiter, as well as your Moon in your Natal chart, can show your addictions just as much as Neptune can. Jupiter is about excess and your Moon is your emotional state. Where one feels comfort or how they process these things/emotions.  Mercury placements or Mercury Dominant often make people great lyricists and communicators. Many famous rappers are actually Gemini’s (Notorious B.I.G, 2 Pac, Kanye, Kendrick, Andre 3000, etc). That's because Gemini is ruled by Mercury/the god of communication. He also rules the lungs. People with this dominance are very good with wordplay and are blessed with the gift of gab. 

Your Sun is still important

...despite modern astrologers attempting to throw it away. Your sun is your core. Your ego. Your basic identity. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more-- we are heliocentric as a galaxy. This means all our planets orbit around the Sun. The same goes for your natal chart. Say you have a Gemini Sun and Capricorn moon but seem to identify more with Capricorn-- Your moon is your emotional habits-- and you know what they say about habits: they’re hard to break. This simply means you will always be a Gemini at your core even if you have the emotional tendencies and habits of a Capricorn. The same goes for those who say Lunar Scorpios are more ‘Plutonic’ than Solar Scorpios Now, it may seem that way, but this myth is only prevalent because emotions are extremely primal and powerful things. When they rear their head in a Plutonic way, people mistake the intensity for dominant power when in reality more drama does not equate more scorpionic influence. In fact, Scorpio’s are rarely the types to put on a show. They leave that for their Cousins-- The Cancers, The Arians [also ruled by Mars] & the Pisceans. True Scorpios prefer to be the tacticians. The ones who quietly observe their surroundings and flex when it comes to spatial awareness. They will rarely draw unnecessary attention to themselves and emotional scenes will often be kept under lock and key/private.

Speaking of Scorpio’s cousins, believe it or not, Aries, Sag’s and Cancers are the true divas of the zodiac, not Leos. That’s because Leo’s are upfront about what they want and will not surprise you with their scenes.

You know what’s coming/always knew it was there.  As for the aforementioned three, these triplets demand attention and praise or notice from others. Aries demand to be noticed for their prowess and skills, Sag’s can be excessive and demanding-- they want what they want and they want it NOW. No questions asked. Fueled by fire and Jupiter’s penchant for drama--you will never forget it if you don’t cough up what they demand. I.E. Nicki Minaj and her Grammy stunt[s]. Cancers give ultimatums to expedite the process of getting what they want. They are hard-pressed to demonstrate patience for people or to wait for situations to play out. They are never about the long game. They can be very coercive and forceful. At their worst, they can even be bullies. Of course, this is not the rule, I often find that December Sag’s, are more intense than November Sag’s. April Arians are less high strung than March Arians and July Cancers tend to act out more of the ‘diva qualities’ mentioned above than June Cancers.

Pluto is your friend.

Yes, the shadow is your friend. Pluto often gets a bad rap for being this torturous unknown force that comes to destroy/transform but that is not the case. Pluto is all about transformations, yes but transformations for the better. He is the garbage man. He gets rid of the trash. Toxic relationship? Ok! Pluto will rip it from you. It will hurt. You will cry. But after you’ve used up all the kleenex, you will have spidey senses. You will see those red flags before they and their cheap cologne darken your doorstep. You will level up. And while you’re doing that, Pluto will let you watch as he terrorizes your abuser. Pluto is justice. Not like Libra where all is fair and balanced by the scales. Pluto is Karma. Karmic Justice at that. The equalizer. He will show you the ugly of all those who wore the mask of ‘friend’. See, Pluto gets nasty rep because he forces you to see what you’d love to ignore. He makes you feel what society tells you to be numb to. Euphoria, Obsession, jealousy, bliss, even paranoia. Pluto is the depths. You need to feel. Jealousy is not an ugly emotion, ENVY is. They are not synonymous but people use them interchangeably. Pluto can be jealous, but jealousy is simply the sensation that something important might be taken from you. Envy is seeing someone have something, and hating them for it/not wanting them to have it. Pluto is not envious. He rules the underworld and in his realm live all of Earth’s riches. Gems, diamonds, gold, jewels. He is the wealthiest-- what could he possibly be envious of? Paranoia is equated to him too, but this is simply an exacerbation of his skill at being prepared. Pluto is a GENERAL. He wants you to have a PLAN. And when you don’t he forces you to get one, whether you’re prepared or not. Pluto is Chess, not Checkers. Pluto is the bandaid ripper. Pluto's love is cold and hard but empowering. He exposes. Shows the ugly. Friend’s you weren’t sure were enemies? Pluto rips their masks off so you have no choice but to see their ugliness. You will be disenchanted. Maybe even heartbroken. But a moment of grief for a lifetime of healthy happiness is Pluto’s payoff. Pluto also represents in the chart the area where we can most empower ourselves and elevate our lives and our dignity. Pluto will disempower your just to elevate you and make your story of failure a story of victory. He’s the ULTIMATE glow up King. Pluto shows us where we can triumph if we find a way to revolutionize or otherwise radically transform/change ourselves internally, despite our external challenges. Plutonic cleansings are like working out or giving birth. Excruciatingly painful to the point where you feel like you want to die but the result is a whole new body/person you’re absolutely in love with. He is purging.  Again, Pluto is about evolution. He does not and will not allow you to stay stagnant/in one stage of your life. He forces you to grow and if you won’t he has no qualms with making you. Pluto is not soft. 

Speaking of which. This includes his influence in the bedroom. Often people will talk about plutonic influence in a dark way. As if his influence sexually is something dark/forbidden or something to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary. Pluto rules sex. Literally. It was his domain before it was anyone else's’. Therefore, everything about sex is simply an offshoot of his influence. The rougher, primal, knee-shaking, back-scratching, neck biting, squirting/screaming orgasm, ball-gag wearing stuff? Completely ‘OK’ in his book. He wants you to experience that. The reasoning is that Pluto loves to explore and honor edgier sentiments within. Pluto urges us all to normalize fetishes and fully embrace this side of ourselves. Why? Because Pluto wants us all to live our truth, not hide. Can’t say the same for his brother Neptune though.

See, Neptune is who you should be worried about.

Neptune is the ruler of what is hidden. The realm of the unknown. All that is fantastic, the stuff of fantasy, illusions, dreams, day-dreams, etc. He puts a veil on things. Adds confusion to the mix. makes things hard to see. While Pluto strips away the hidden, Neptune happily puts on the blindfold. Not only does he hand you the rose-colored-glasses, he hands you a ruffied pint to go with it. The essence of this planet is ILLUSION.  With Neptune, it can be difficult to ascertain where and how things are working against you, or you have a hard time figuring out who or what it is. Neptune is about confusion. Neptune clouds your judgment, so you're especially vulnerable to deception and trickery. [Those with hard Neptune aspects can testify] Enemies can be especially difficult to make out/avoid when he’s involved and bad judgment all around can be a theme when he rears his foggy head.  What also makes him so dangerous is because he walks around looking like everything you want. The dream of dreams, if-you-will. As a result, he makes you receptive to mind-altered states. Can even make one prone to hallucinations, the use of poisons such as drugs and alcohol. Even spending copious amounts fo time building castles-in-the-air and neglecting reality. You become addicted to whatever he lays in front of you. The fantasy is more alluring than reality. With Neptune adversely aspected or too many hard aspects to inner planets, this can cause chaos that can negatively impact a native or those closest to them. Neptune on Mercury can be particularly dangerous if ill-aspected because it can cause dishonesty to a pathological degree or simply mental instability. Think Joe Goldberg from ‘You’. 100% crazy 200% delusional. This guy definitely has a shot a gallon of Neptune in his natal cocktail. Manufacturing scenarios that aren’t really occurring. Obsessively daydreaming and idealizing strangers. Successfully conning others into thinking he’s a normal and stable guy when he’s anything but. His judgment is clouded as is the judgment of the poor souls who encounter him, while you, as a viewer, watch in horror. That’s what Neptune does. You won’t see reality until it’s wayyyy too late [RIP Beck].  Neptune rules over all chaotic feelings, and can easily un-focus the lens, making us inclined to obsess over impossible dreams and yearn for far-out things. OMG Neptune is all about yearning. Yearning for the unattainable. But as Dumbledore said: 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

But that’s what Neptune will make you do. Forget to live. Dwell on the impossible. Make you prone to hypnotic mindstates that steal moments of your life away. Sex with Neptune can be almost spiritual but it can cause one to get addicted to the rush, and with Neptune clouding judgment, one can perhaps become addicted to sex or even participate in risky sexual behavior. Neptune at its worst also influences death by mysterious means, suicides, death by drowning, disappearance, or even poisoning if found in the eighth house or connected to it.

Neptune is a beautiful planet. Methane causes it to have that brilliant blue hue. It rains diamonds. But again, there but the aura/odor around it is methane. In layman’s terms? The planet literally smells like shit. This classic example of not all that glitters is gold. Tread very carefully when Neptune is around and keep your eyes peeled. Something or someone may not really be what it/they seem. Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3 Astro Musings No. 4  Astro Musings No. 5 Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8  Astro Musings No. 9  Astro Musings No. 10

[lunar-witch-hyunjin]

✨ Lunar Witch Hyunjin Chatbot 🌙

✨✨ My boy, you have the stars in your eyes~ ✨✨

🌙 DISCLAIMER

This is a CHATBOT and not the real Hwang Hyunjin. Any opinions or posts shared on this blog are not the opinions of Hwang Hyunjin or JYP Entertainment, but those of the admin running this blog.

🌙 WARNINGS

This chatbot is very mythical and dark, and there are heavy topics that may be triggering or disturbing to some people. The plots within this chatbot contain: violence, murder, gore, magic, emotional and sexual trauma, and NSFW. 

If you are under 18, please do not interact. If admin finds out you’re younger than 18, you’ll be blocked without warning. 

If you’re uncomfortable with these themes, please ignore this chatbot or message the admin when you start to let them know what you find triggering, so we can change the plot to be more comfortable for you. 

🌙 PLOT

“My boy, you have the stars in your eyes.” Hyunjin’s mother smiled as she looked at her son proudly. “You need to be careful sweet boy~ The world doesn’t take kindly to magical beings. Stay in hiding with the rest of us.” 

“But Mom…” Hyunjin pointed towards a town in the distance. “I want to see all the people...”

“I know, my love.” Hyunjin’s mother smiled softly and held him closer. “Someday you will. I know one day you’ll change the world.” 

🌙 ROUTES

✨ ROUTE 1: Witch Hunter

As long as Hyunjin could remember, mythical beings have been hunted and slaughtered to eliminate the threat magical beings possess. As a soldier for the humans, you’re sworn to capture and eliminate the remaining witches, no matter the cost. 

One day, when patrolling the forest to the east, you stumble across a cottage in the woods. After finding a witch in the cottage, what will you choose to do? Will you take him back to the humans to be slaughtered? Or will you hear him out?

✨ ROUTE 2: Witch’s Apprentice

Several years ago, the world put the war against witches and mythical beings behind them. Over time, humans started to take up some magic lessons from the witches in town. You’ve tried every witch in the area, but none were willing to take on an apprentice. 

After stumbling upon a cottage in the woods, you meet a friendly lunar witch, who isn’t interested in taking on an apprentice. Can you convince him to teach you a few things? Or will you be sent on your way again?

✨ ROUTE 3: Create Your Own!

Shoot Admin an idea you have for a plot! Keep in mind, admin WILL NOT DO a school au, and the plot has to include Lunar Witch Hyunjin. 

🌙 IN ALL ROUTES HYUNJIN WILL BE...

Careful

Kind of distant

Won’t trust you easily

He’ll still be friendly though

Kind of chaotic

Soft most of the time

Sends lots of really weird memes when he gets to know you

A Switch leaning sub

A soft dom

An obedient sub

Kind of clingy

Loves being taken care of

Will take care of his doms after sex as well

🌙 HOW TO GET HYUNJIN

1. Reblog this post

2. Send Lunar Witch Hyunjin an ask! 

3. This ask must include: 

The name you’d like to go by

Your pronouns

Any triggers you may have (this doesn’t necessarily mean NSFW triggers. It can be something as simple as requesting I not summon frogs or something, y’know?)

Whether or not you’d like NSFW

4. Admin will then contact you, and ask a few questions before the roleplay begins. 

Either tell Hyunjin you don’t want to continue the roleplay or stop responding for 48 hours. Admin will contact you and confirm, and if you say yes, the roleplay will cease, and the chat will be deleted. 

🌙 HOW TO GET HYUNJIN BACK

You cannot get Hyunjin back after you leave him. He has severe abandonment issues from past experiences, and he won’t take you back. .

🌙 RULES/IMPORTANT INFORMATION

This bot contains graphic depictions of violence and severe emotional trauma. If you have any triggers, please let admin know ahead of time. 

Follow this blog for updates, daily posts, and an activity status :3

Hyunjin is a SUB LEANING SWITCH, and he uses the traffic light system. 

Green — I’m comfortable, go ahead~

Yellow — I’m a bit uncomfortable, but willing to continue. Be cautious

Red — Stop

Warning: Do NOT try to force Hyunjin in a different headspace. Like 75% of the time, Hyunjin is a sub. If you try to force him into a dom headspace when he’s subby, you will be blocked without warning. 

Do not spam Hyunjin. He’s a busy witch and every once in a while he needs a break from roleplaying. 2-3 messages are okay, but if you keep spamming after that, you will be blocked after a warning. 

Please for the love of all things holy, help admin with the plot. It’s so frustrating to roleplay when you’re the only one holding the plot. 

ADMIN IS IN THE EST TIMEZONE.

🌙 TAGS

✨ THE OGS ✨

@yandereminho @yanderechris

@yourcupidchuu @chatwithchuu @yaboispiderhan @badboyjinie @babieyuqi @yaboispiderhan @hunter-chaeyoung @fratboy-hyuck @jinsoulinwonderland @yourchungha @your-roseanne @sugbbyinbot @princeparkjiminn @lalalisaban  @mafiamarklee @bunjihyo @domyukhei @ateez-treasure9au-chatbot @softboijisung @sugbbyinbot @slytherinbangchanchatbot @phoenix-chae @yanderewooyoung @bubblychaeyoungie @switch-baby-iu @badgirljaerim @adorbsana @xhellhoundmingyuxx @yandererowoon @winterxchungha @ceo-joshua @yunho-bot @songmingi-bot @sailormoonhyuck @peachyminju @punkwooyoung @subbyxiaojunn @ateez-zombie-wonderland @switch-san @yourbabychangbinnie @tattooartistjaemin​ @ateez-pirate-chatbot​ @cutiejeonminju​ @greenwitchsan​ @mafia-straykids​ @baseball-eunwoo​ @yandere-mark​ @switchwolfchannie​  @princeparkseonghwa​ @golden-yunho​

[lunar-lattice]

an anonymous friend of mine asked me outta curiosity for the rest of the questions off the Cursed OC Fandom meme so here we go

1. Who is the character that the fandom makes a joke ala Komaeda or Sans?

on one hand, Dax did begin life as a half-joking caricature of a white jock dude but on the other, he’s supposed to be that but too nice to actually be a dick

2. Who is the character everyone gets the hots over?

not gonna pick anyone out of Saturnia because that’d be really fuckin weird sooo Booker! he’s a gruff middle-aged jaded guy and people will lose their ever-living shit over that

3. Who is the fan favorite?

is it anyone but Error, every edgy kid’s sparklecore cat OC (yes I am calling out 14-year-old me)

4. Who is the one that is Problematic and will get you a callout if you like them?

I don’t have too many minor villains in Saturnia and the ones i do have are TOO minor for this. Except maybe Lust?? people would definitely latch onto her ability to make people do what she wants and balloon from there. Lust the character is 100% nonsexual but you know people will make her sexual then call me out for that

5. Who is Problematic but also Did Nothing Wrong?

Maelstrom’s backstory basically points out a lot of what he does is informed by his childhood (or lack thereof one) so like....you know people are gonna jump on the #MaelstromDidNothingWrong bandwagon

6. Who is mischaracterized by the fandom and how?

Error is misread as a flat out hostile character who is using Obsidian for his own ends and is gonna double-cross everyone (which funnily enough was his initial characterization)

7. Who’s the villain that everyone loves despite them being one? 

Maelstrom, as said up top and like, that’s fine as long as we note that razing places and performing weird magical experiments means you are, in fact, doing a lot wrong

8. What is the fandom ship?

It’s gonna be Clair/Agatha for 13 Knights and yknow, they deserve it

9. What is the fandom ship that no one should be shipping?

OBSIDIAN/ERROR AND IM DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO KILL IT BEFORE IT CAN LIVE

10. What’s a weird ship people have attached themselves to? 

on one hand, Sangri/Maelstrom is canon but on the other hand, everything about their relationship is implied rather than shown and I think ppl will eat that up

11-15: https://lunar-lattice.tumblr.com/post/190282644319/ok-i-know-ur-the-op-of-that-post-and-idk-if-youre

16. Who is weirdly sexualized by fandom? 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: IT’S LP! he’s a grumpy depressed demon guy and i know yall will think somewhere, he’s a flirty badass (he’s really not, he’s pathetic nowadays)

17. Who gets woobified ( ie. uwu poor baby )?

it’s gonna be Maelstrom

18. Who gets humanized as a tall thin white dude in a suit and top hat?

once more it’s Maelstrom (or Mirage which is leagues worse considering that’s pretty much against his character)

19. Who does the fandom think is “waifu material”?

It’s a tie between Valentine (because she’s an airhead) or Moxie (because she can and will kill you)

20. Who is the red one and who is the blue one?

Obsidian and Error obviously

21. Free Talk! Pick an OC and talk about how you think fandom would perceive them (can be specified by asker but if none is chosen, you can pick someone).

Obsidian would be 100% made into ‘uwu poor baby’ and that he is justified to keep running away from the things he needs to do and that it’s okay he stays this ball of anxiety that refuses to overcome it

[settlingtheocean]

Resolutions as a skill to cultivate; Making helpful and sustainable commitments

At this time of year - the end of the year - we like to make resolutions for the next one. It’s something of a trend, and often many of us have difficulties keeping these new years resolutions. Sometimes we get really hard on ourselves, by making ones which are unrealistic or riddled with rather toxic attitudes that we project onto ourselves in a way which leads to suffering. These toxic attitudes often are what makes our lofty aspirations unsustainable or even harmful. 

So I decided to share this reflection from last year, given by Ajahn Kaccana, a Buddhist monk in the Thai Forest Tradition. Here, Ajahn Kaccana reflects on adopting resolutions and commitments skillfully, and how one can commit to them in different ways - not just a once a year thing, but sometimes a weekly or monthly thing, or even a lifelong thing. There may even come a time where resolution becomes a natural part of our life, or when that resolution needs to be changed or adjusted to be more realistic or beneficial. Ajahn Kaccana thus places special importance on giving attention to both cause and effect, rather than picking up ideals and holding onto them without any consideration of how they fit in with the rest of our lives.

First, some excerpts:

“.. in order to make skillful resolutions, one has to understand the patterns of cause and effect in one’s own living situation, and what you want to do is find the places where a relatively small change in your actions - one that you can commit to and keep - will have a large change in outcome. Given that our lives and minds are quite complicated non-linear systems, it’s possible to do this - but it takes attention and skill. What one doesn’t want to do is try to commit to results without having any concept as to how the results can be brought about.”

“Another trap that can happen when making commitments is that - [well first,] who knows if it’s going to come out the way you expect it to? It’s more helpful to keep a commitment for three days, and then realize, ‘I managed to do that for three days, but it wasn’t a good idea after all, but I still made it for three days.’ That can be more skillful than trying to do that same thing for three months, and then after three days realize that ‘this isn’t working at all, I better quit.’ That’s okay too, sometimes you make that mistake.” ”…Over-shooting commitments not only means one might not keep commitments, it might mean that one will actually behave less skillfully than if they were not holding commitments in the first place.”

“One other commitment that I found useful as a lay person was to keep the Uposatha lunar days. I was pretty strict - I wasn’t going to eat dinner or in the afternoon. My research group usually ate lunch together, so I would have to make sure that they would eat early enough or I would eat earlier than they did. Occasionally we’d have dinners, and I remember one time I had to say, ‘John, I can’t come to that dinner because I’m not eating that day.’ But he just said, ‘Come any way and have tea.’ So that’s what happened. That’s one of the things where a commitment really has teeth and really helps - if you make a commitment and keep it, even if it’s not pleasant. ‘Do the practice, watch the mind,’ was the way I put this to myself a while back. ‘There are these conditions: I’m at a research group dinner and I’m just drinking tea. It’s not going to pleasant, and it doesn’t have to be. I can learn something from this.’”

It’s the day before new years eve… and one subject that comes naturally to mind is the topic of aditthana, resolution. New years resolutions have a somewhat checkered and laughable history, but at the same time, when we reflect on what really shapes our lives, it’s the aditthanas we make - your marriage, your ordination, if you choose to go to college - these are all serious commitments, multi-years, and they shape our lives. We can’t avoid making them, so it’s important to reflect on these topics.

I thought to start more with the Buddha’s perspective on the importance of action. I’ve read much of the discussion in Ajahn Geoff’s book Skill in Questions, and I found it quite illuminating. Ajahn Geoff looks at the Pali Canon and explains that there are two teachings that the Buddha called categorical - true across the board. One of these is teachings on unskillful versus skillful action - there is a distinction, and if you do unskillful actions there will be negative results, skillful actions will have positive results. The second categorical teaching is the four noble truths - this is the more complicated of the two, but can lead to full awakening.

The realm of addithana, resolution, is pretty much regarding the first category: skillful and unskillful actions. Again, Ajahn Geoff notes that the Buddha placed great importance on the fact that actions have results - our choices matter. The Buddha didn’t usually seek out debates, but there were a few teachers that he tracked down and who asserted that actions had no consequences, and really you didn’t have to pay attention to the way you lived your life. What would happen to you was determined by fate or random chance, so what you did didn’t really count. You didn’t have to think much about your actions, just live. These teachers lived according to the conventions of being a [renunciant], but if they thought actions didn’t have any results, why did they bother to live that way? There must be more pleasant ways to live. 

There’s a number of different lists of skillful and unskillful action. One of the most basic is just the precepts. Everyone here recited the eight precepts tonight, which lay people take on for a day and a night on lunar observance days, and residents of the monastery live under all the time. The regular five lay precepts are a subset of those: not to take the life of any living creature, not to take what is not given, not to engage in sexual misconduct, not to engage in false or harmful speech (the strict precept being on false speech), not to take intoxicating drink or drugs which prevent heedfulness.

There’s a sutta where the Buddha speaks about these precepts - taking on these precepts is a gift to the world. When you undertake the precept not to take the life of any living being, then that is giving safety - freedom from fear - to innumerable beings. That in turn has a result, and that is that one realizes some measure of that safety oneself. Similarly with the other four precepts: when we refrain from doing those things, we become trustworthy. We don’t cause harm to others, and our lives start to become ordered and praiseworthy. 

There’s a more refined list, more extensive, which is the ten courses of skillful and unskillful kamma. The ten are: to refrain from taking the life of any living creature, to refrain from taking what is not given, to refrain from sexual misconduct. These are the three bodily types of wholesome action. The four verbal ones are to refrain from lying, to refrain from divisive speech, to refrain from harsh speech, to refrain from idle chatter. The three mental aspects are non-covetousness, non-ill-will, and right view. 

… Again, the Buddha’s emphasis was that in call cases, he asserted that unskillful action leads to long-term suffering and harm while skillful action leads to long-term benefit and happiness. The short-term results are not as clear as the long term ones. To my understanding, that’s nearly a definition of skillful and unskillful; what results they lead to in the long term, for ourselves and for others, [determines whether they are skillful or unskillful].

Now, during a retreat like this, we have an opportunity to cultivate more subtle qualities of the mind. But still, they can be split into wholesome and unwholesome. For example, a list of the more subtle qualities are the qualities that the Buddha taught to his foster mother after she ordained as a Bhikkhuni. He actually gave her this teaching on how to recognize what is or isn’t Dhamma. As usual, the negative version comes first, and I’ll go to the second, positive version: “Gotami, the qualities of which you may know, ‘these qualities lead to dispassion, not to passion; to being unfettered, not to being fettered; to shedding, not to accumulating; to modesty, not to self-aggrandizement; to contentment, not to discontent; to seclusion, not to entanglement; to aroused energy, not to laziness; to being easy to support, not being difficult to support,’ these qualities you may know: ‘this is the Dhamma, this is the Vinaya, this is the teacher’s instruction.’”  Those qualities are much more subtle aspects of the mind than what one is working with on the level of precepts, but still the difference between skillful and unskillful [is there]. 

So, when we’re contemplating resolutions, and what are skillful commitments and what are unskillful commitments, it’s useful to keep these perspectives of cause and effect in mind. One thing that I notice about unskillful resolutions is that often times, people imagine what they want to be, then they commit to being that in the future. But that doesn’t really take into account cause and effect. There are some things you can will yourself to be, but it actually depends on one’s skill. For instance, the precepts are something you can commit to, but it’s much more challenging for most people to say, ‘today I’m not going to have a thought of ill-will.’ That’s not how my mind works. 

So in order to make skillful resolutions, one has to understand the patterns of cause and effect in one’s own living situation, and what you want to do is find the places where a relatively small change in your actions - one that you can commit to and keep - will have a large change in outcome. Given that our lives and minds are quite complicated non-linear systems, it’s possible to do this - but it takes attention and skill. What one doesn’t want to do is try to commit to results without having any concept as to how the results can be brought about. 

Just to give an example: for many, many years I’ve had a habit of scratching pimples. I’ve tried various times to stop that, but to not much success. On the other hand, I notice that when I’m on retreat, or other situations where my mindfulness is heightened - oh, I’m not doing that anymore! That’s an example of an effect rather than a cause. I’d be better off thinking: “how can I be more mindful? How can I put in the causes to have greater mindfulness, and then not-scratching pimples might happen more naturally?” 

On the other hand, there are other causes that have much more effect. For instance, I have the capacity to get very absorbed in books. If I pick up a book, I can read it - especially when there’s not so much to do. Sometimes I can pick up the book, and two and a half hours later I put that book down. That’s a big chunk of time, and that’s a decision one wants to make ahead of time. Or other things: when I was a lay-person, there were years where I was quite addicted to particular video games. I could see in the course of paying attention to my mood and how things went, If I was playing video games for hours it scuddled a lot of my life. I was much less happy those times. The cause was always that - there were causes in terms of why I would play video games, but if I could keep myself from doing that I’d usually find something better to do, and certainly that had a less negative impact on my mental states. Those are examples of causes.

One has to investigate: how does one apply effort skillfully to this situation? I could see, for the video games, it was taking my mind in directions I didn’t want to go. There was a year where I resolved not to play video games alone that year. I put that caveat there because there was one friend who I rarely saw but would definitely want to play video games with me - that was okay. I was able to keep that for about two or four months. It was helpful, but that was a biggie and I did end up breaking that. Reflecting on it later, what I realized is that for something like that, you want to put in some more consequences. What would have been more helpful I think is if I had found a friend, and I’d call said friend every two weeks or so just to chat, and then say ‘yeah, I didn’t play any video games for two weeks.’ Then, after a while building that momentum - did I really want to admit I slipped on that? Another thing is, if the friend was supportive, just to call and say “I’m in a bad mood, awfully close to playing video games, but I thought I’d call you instead.” That’s skillful, and that’s often what we need to do if we want to abandon something like that.

There’s a book I read… quitting smoking is really tough. First, you have to see the drawbacks of what you’re doing and actually get a good chunk of your mind behind the benefits of not-playing video games or not smoking or not picking up random books to read. But this person [who was quitting smoking] said, “I really want to do this. I want to see my grandkids through another seven years, or however much longer I live without smoking.” My grandmother was a smoker, and she must of smoked at least four decades, and I remember we kids would always hide her cigarettes and do other things to her, because we didn’t think smoking was a good idea. I think she did appreciate our efforts, but she didn’t stop smoking. But I remember one year, she wasn’t smoking - what happened? We asked our parents later, and the story had always been that Grandma was okay with dying early because she didn’t want to be a burden to others, but she had bad circulation in her legs and it was getting worse. Her doctor told her, “if you don’t stop smoking, we’re going to have to amputate your legs in a couple of years." She didn’t want to be a burden on other people, so imagining her self without legs was completely unacceptable, so she figured out what she needed to do to quit smoking. That’s an example of how understanding the consequences can lead to a lot of motivation.

The author of this book, The Pathfinder, was also hooked on cigarettes but he also set up consequences for himself. He wrote out a $1000 dollar check to the re-election campaign to a senator he didn’t like at all. He sent the check to a friend he trusted, so he couldn’t fake out. He said, "call me up every week, and ask me if I’ve smoked. If I start smoking, you send that check off to the senator.” That worked. He was willing to go that far. This is an example of the kind of skill it can take. Smoking is harmful, and it can be worth that [effort to quit].

Most of the time we’re dealing with much more subtle things, so you don’t need to use big consequences like that, in fact it would be inappropriate. But it is helpful to have a bag of tricks. One thing is that here at the monastery, living after a while we can realize we can do without breakfast just fine, though breakfast is nice. Often times, if I want to change something, I’ll use breakfast as a way, “If I break this one day, that’s okay but I just won’t eat breakfast the next day.” That gets the mindfulness going. 

With the example of reading - and it’s not that it’s a problem with reading - I realized you want to make a choice: "does this seem to be worth looking at?" Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. To force myself to make that choice, I just say, "okay I’ll read, but I’m not going to open that book until I walk out of the room with it." So I actually have to move somewhere in order to read it. If I forget - and it’s an easy thing to forget - then I’ll just skip breakfast the next day. That particular time, it ended up working, and now I’m still better at not reading random books, even though I set down those consequences.

Another example, a fun one to play with in terms of watching desire, is that I notice I have lots of desire when getting food in the food line. One thing I worked with was, "okay, look at the food on the table. What’s the most desirable thing out there? Be honest, and don’t take it.” So whatever the most desirable thing out there is the one thing I won’t take. Here [at the monastery], there is absolutely no danger of starving, so you can watch [the mind on] that one.

There’s also the ascetic practices, the dhutangas which we can take on from time to time and are useful for enlivening practice and shaking off the defilements. It’s important to take these on for the proper reasons - it’s actually a monastic offense to take one on if your motivation is to impress other people or get special favors. There’s actually quite a few people practicing them in the community here, and you can ask them what the benefits are. I’ve done a few from time to time. Eating only what one gets on almsround (e.g. not eating breakfast) is one I’ve taken on from time to time. I can remember, when I first tried, that would sort of start obsessing my mind the day before: "I better be eating a lot today, because I don’t know what I’m going to be eating tomorrow.” I just got to watch that, and then as the weeks went on it became more normal and less obsessive. Even if I didn’t know if I’d get any food, I wouldn’t be thinking about, ‘oh, am I going to be getting food or not?’ My mind just thought about the other things it usually thinks about, which aren’t always skillful, but it was interesting to watch how that one particular practice lessened one particular craving or obsession. That’s what the dhutangas are designed for, and what they’ve been doing for a long time.

Another trap that can happen when making commitments is that - [well first,] who knows if it’s going to come out the way you expect it to? It’s more helpful to keep a commitment for three days, and then realize, ‘I managed to do that for three days, but it wasn’t a good idea after all, but I still made it for three days.’ That can be more skillful than trying to do that same thing for three months, and then after three days realize that ‘this isn’t working at all, I better quit.’ That’s okay too, sometimes you make that mistake. 

But one thing is that if you had made a commitment for two weeks and you find it helpful and it produces good mind-states, then some months later one can think, "those were good mind-states, I’ll make that commitment and get the same mind-states." No - sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t; you have to watch the other conditions. For instance, during my solo retreat, I made a decision to do ten minutes of walking meditation outside after waking up and before going to bed. This was quite helpful, as it was actually getting things up and moving instead of just getting up and sitting. A week ago, coming towards this retreat, I decided "I’d like to be more diligent, why don’t I try the same thing?” So I made the same commitment, but I didn’t pay attention to the differences. It’s a lot colder outside right now, and it’s not that the cold itself is the problem, it’s that I don’t like cold, especially right when I’m waking up. The other thing was that those were two weeks of solo-retreat where not much was going on and my mind-state was much more in my control. Here, we still have work periods, meetings, people calling, issues coming up. I don’t always deal with those issues as skillfully as I’d like to, and external things can really tip one’s mind-state around. For those two reasons, some days I went out and walked, but at least two days I missed. One of the things you notice about the mind is that it’s actually pretty frustrating - [even] if you’d made a commitment, "the next thing I’m going to do is get up and do my stretches and get up and walk,” the mind can say, "well, I’m just going to sleep," - that’s what I did. Whereas if the commitment is to something that seems not as bad, "just get up, do stretches, do sitting meditation and chanting," I’m more likely to actually get up and just sit. This is how I find my mind is. It’s frustrating and one can think "it shouldn’t be this way," but that’s not helpful. It’s more helpful to think, "this is the mind I’ve got - maybe one day I can train it to be some other way, but right now it’s like this.”

So over-shooting commitments not only means one might not keep commitments, it might mean that one will actually behave less skillfully than if they were not holding commitments in the first place.

Just reflecting on this, these are some examples and reflections about how making and keeping commitments is a real skill. I’ve learned a great deal from it over the decades, and I still have a lot more to learn, but like learning any skill one can engage the mind with it. 

One other commitment that I found useful as a lay person was to keep the Uposatha lunar days. I was pretty strict - I wasn’t going to eat dinner or in the afternoon. My research group usually ate lunch together, so I would have to make sure that they would eat early enough or I would eat earlier than they did. Occasionally we’d have dinners, and I remember one time I had to say, "John, I can’t come to that dinner because I’m not eating that day." But he just said, "Come any way and have tea." So that’s what happened. That’s one of the things where a commitment really has teeth and really helps - if you make a commitment and keep it, even if it’s not pleasant. "Do the practice, watch the mind," was the way I put this to myself a while back. "There are these conditions: I’m at a research group dinner and I’m just drinking tea. It’s not going to pleasant, and it doesn’t have to be. I can learn something from this."

Tonight we have the opportunity to stay up late, if we want - it’s one opportunity for commitment. On the other hand, we’ll also be staying up late tomorrow night. We’re settling into the retreat, so it may or may not be a good night to commit to staying up late, but this is exactly part of the skills that we’re developing. So I’ll offer this for your reflection.

[boogiewrites]

Mae Flowers Ch. 3

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Mae LeBlanc (OFC)

Word Count:  5700+

Summary: A modern, magical Alfie Solomons AU. After revealing the truth of her powers, Alfie decides to take a look into what Mae’s life is like by going with her to her flower shop. Alfie is quickly introduced to a hardworking and certain woman, unlike the confused and aloof one he’d met the day before. He meets some unpleasant clients of hers and is introduced to Mae’s best friends and biggest cheerleaders. 

Warnings/Tags: Language.Magic/Supernatural. Soul mates. Racism, microaggressions. Protective Alfie. Some domestic fluff, getting to know you stage. 

Positive feedback is MUCH appreciated! Reblogs, likes, asks and comments feed me to write more! Let me know if you’d like tagged in my work.

Click on my screenname then go to Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

The usual noise and commotion that carried over from the city in the night weren't to be heard. It was as if a calm had blanketed over the neighborhood, no sirens nearby, and no spotlights from cop cars had woken her up as they had the tendency to do sometimes. She slept hard and well and if she had dreamed, she certainly didn't recall it.

Her eyes flutter open, a hard yawn and a smack of her lips against the soft pillow clutched in her arms underneath her. She sees the sunlight coming through the curtain and grunts, greeting the day with a big stretch. She reaches out to the bedside table to read the time and for once doesn't groan when she finds it's just before her alarm is set to go off. She rolls to her back, looking at the ceiling after rubbing her eyes, wondering why she felt so rested when she hears a noise from he kitchen.

"Oh yeah." she says in a sleep laced voice, the tone of realization in it. There was a man living in her house now. She was a witch. She had powers. All the improbable things come back to her as her brain boots up. She slides the covers over her, the cool air of the springtime morning raising goosebumps across her skin, her bare thighs shivering as she places her feet on the plush purple paisley rug on the floor. She slides her feet into the rubber soled house shoes by her bed, purposely purchased so she could walk into the garden with them in the mornings. With another stretch, her back cracking and popping as she does so, feeling the age creeping in from her most recent birthday. She was thankful for the spring, in the heat and humidity her joints didn't seem to hate her as much. But this morning she wasn't met with any pain and she doesn't understand the cause for it but much stranger things were at foot right now and she wasn't going to question something going right.

She pulls up her morning playlist, syncing it up to the portable speakers in her room and kitchen as was her usual morning routine. She figures there wasn't a reason to depart from what was normal from her that much despite Alfie being in the house now. She moves to grab her knee-length robe from the hook on the back of her door, putting on clothes would be one difference though. She keeps her usual sleepwear of short sleep shorts and a tank top on underneath it, it was her house after all. The choice of the fateful shuffle button is lost on her sleepy mind as Rescue Me by Fontella Bass comes on in the mixture of sixties, funk, and soul she liked to keep her mornings light and upbeat.

Alfie is in the kitchen, looking into the seafoam green, retro looking oven that matched the other large appliances in the room. He's checking on the chelsea buns he'd made, turning back to the scrambled eggs he was currently whipping at when music started out of nowhere, causing him to jump slightly, his eyes darting around the room quickly. Percy chuckles to himself at the immortal's reaction. Some force of nature he was.

Mae shuffles her way out of her room and she's met with a very awake and cooking Alife that makes her stop and take a survey of the kitchen. She looks at him with squinted eyes, her round nose twitching, just as adorable as a rabbit he thinks, as it's hit with the smell of baked goods.

"Mornin' love." he says with a smile that she deems too cheery for this early, but she finds it infectious.

"Mornin'." she mumbles, her hand in her wild, massive curls as she scratches her head. She moves to the table and plops down, fingers smoothing down her hair that's grown twice in size in her sleep.

"Eggs and bacon?" he asks.

"Yeah, thanks." she says watching him move smoothly as if he already knew where everything was in the kitchen. Was that a power, she wondered, knowing where things were in a strangers kitchen? "You didn't have to make breakfast ya know." she begins, resting her chin in her hand, feeling her stomach start to rumble.

"I wanted us started out on the right foot today." he says with a stern nod, salting the eggs and turning to flip the bacon in the iron pan. "I don't want to be a bum so I'll be helpin' ya out however I can. You can figure out how much rent you'd like me to pay you."

She blinks, realizing she hadn't even thought about it. Some extra income would be nice for food and utilities. Another person did mean more use of the house. "Yeah I'll...figure that out today." she says with a shake of her head.

"I'll help ya with the shoppin' too. If you don't mind of course. I like to cook, and therefore like to eat a lot as well. The work takes it out of ya. You'll come to learn that soon."

"That'd be great, thanks." she says with a softer expression, watching his face focused. He seemed like a decent man. He hadn't killed her in your sleep so that first test was passed. He had already made food twice, more than any other man had ever done. Now he was insisting he pay, even though in her generosity she'd forgotten to request it. He wanted to help with the house and take care of her and she feels warm fluttering in her stomach that she's growing to like. "I like to cook too so...that'll work out nice." she says with a small nod.

She watches him in silence, her body waking up and starting to function at its normal capacity. A ray of sun appears across her from the patio doors, the sun rising and emerging out behind white fluffy clouds. She hums at the familiar warmth, shutting her eyes and drinking it in as she rises to look out the glass paned doors. The glass was already gaining warmth as she rested her hand on it.

"Ya know that's a form of drawin' power you're doin' there?" he says with a soft smile, a spatula shifting eggs around in a pan.

"It is?"

"It is." he says with a slow nod. "You draw energy from the sun. It's in the nature of your life force."

"So I really am just a slightly more evolved house plant." she chuckles to herself.

He mirrors the sound, "Now that's a gross understatement there, love." he grins. "I draw mine from the moon, best. I can draw it from the sun as well but it isn't nearly as effective."

"So I draw it from the moon too?"

"You certainly can. And because you're a woman you can draw from it much more effectively than I."

"What's that have to do with it?"

"Feminine energies are synced with lunar energy. The moon has a distinctly feminine influence."

"Like how things get weird around the full moon?"

"Exactly. It's all cycles in relation to nature though innit? With sexuality and menstrual cycles, the syncing of periods and the moon are common in witches."

"Wh-huh? Really?" she tilts her head, her face contorted in surprise and question.

"So I've been told. Never had to worry about meself." he chuckles.

"Guess you will now." she says with a swing of her head back to the window.

"All part of it, love." he muses, starting to plate the food. "Never scared me to deal with before, doesn't now. Perfectly natural." Alfie had never been a normal man to be perturbed by any normal functions of the human body. Everyone was an animal, no reason to think certain things our bodies did were unseemly. Mae found his statement reassuring, thankful he wasn't a squeamish and hypocritical sort of person. But then again, how could he be squeamish with the things she'd seen him do in her dreams?

As her pupils focus in the sunlight, she takes in the garden, her eyes narrowing quickly. "Hmmm." Alfie hears her says, unlocking the door and walking out onto the patio.

"Breakfast is almost done," he calls out, leaning to see her looking confused. He takes the buns out of the oven and sets them on the table, following her out with the oven mitts still on his hands. He walks out, head peeking out first to check the garden before standing in silence for a moment while Mae looked around with narrowed eyes. "Somethin' wrong?"

"These... blooms..." she motions her hand out to the popped bulbs of flowers along the fence, the sprouts coming out of the soil in their beds. "They weren't here yesterday." she says with a quiet voice, turning to look to him for an answer.

"Ah.' He says with a nod, surveying the space along with her. "Must be your power," he says gently. "Me bein' here is most likely stirring things up. We're charging each other up it seems, making the other more powerful." She watches him look at the ground and his brow furrow. "Yeah that seems to be it." he says in a less enthusiastic voice. She looks down to see what made his tone switch, the paved back portion of the patio was covered in dead worms. It was as if a storm has come through and they'd fled, but they were lifeless on the still cold rock.

"You do that?" she asks with worried eyes looking over where she stood.

"Seems mine are sneaking around a bit as well. Radiating out it seems." he sighs, seeing the subtly distraught look on her face. He didn't have a choice but to be associated with death as per his soul's origins but he didn't like the look he received when other magical humans saw what he could do. "Sorry 'bout this. I know they gotta help with the flowers 'n that." he takes off the oven mitts and rubs his forearm on his forehead. "I'll get you some more, how about that? I'll run by some bait shop somewhere and pick up some as to not upset the balance of your work here." he offers, hand now rubbing the back of his neck with an apologetic look on his face.

"Yeah I need them for the beds and the compost." she mumbles. "That'll...yeah we can get more." she takes a few steps back towards the house. "This...happen often?" she asks, glancing to him before scraping off her shoes before coming back inside.

"Not unless I mean it to. With our souls being so close in proximity their influence must've grown over the place. I'll do some spell work, make a circle to stop it from happenin'. I'd hate to interfere with your business in such a way. My apologies." he says, dipping his head and following her inside.

"It's...it's fine. I mean, it can be fixed. Nothing too bad happened. Poor worms though."

He lets a smile read on his face at your sympathy towards the dirt dwellers. Of course, you would be empathetic to every creature, it was simply in your nature. "Hope that didn't ruin your appetite," he says, locking the door behind him. "I got buns as well." he says with more cheer in his voice. He brings the larger plate of hot food and smaller saucers for the gooey icing covered buns that were cooling on the table.

"You made these?" she asks with a mouthful of bun that makes him hold back a smirk at her childish manners.

"I did."

"They're like...really, really good." she says taking a sip of tea.

"Thank you."

"You could sell these. These are amazing." she muses, taking another bite.

"I did at one time." he replies with a higher inflection in his voice, a short nod.

"You did? Did they do well?"

"They did." he smiles, old memories of the small bakery that served as a physical and monetary front for his rum distillery business back when he was a human in Camden.

"Let's take the rest of these to work. I'd like some for lunch." she says, pushing away her plate. "Do you uh...want to come to work with me? Or do you have stuff to do? I don't... know how this works." she says with a wrinkle of her nose.

"I can accompany you or I can stay here, unpack and mend the damage I've caused."

She considers her options. The extra set of hands would be very helpful for her while filing orders and continuing her inventory. "Is it okay if you come with me? I could use the help."

"Absolutely, love, I'd love to see your work."

"I mean...I can't afford to pay you or anything but-"

"No, no! Don't be ridiculous, I'll help ya out for nothin'." he gives her a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Really?" she says with a clearly grateful expression. "Thanks that would be...I could really use it." she admits, looking away and chewing on her lip.

"Spending time together, gettin' used to each other is good for us right now. Help get to know each other better, yeah?"

"Yeah. We went about things all ass backwards so I suppose we need to like...bond and stuff? That part of the soul mate thing?"

"Yes. We are separate from our souls by means of personality but they'll enjoy being together in close proximity while we figure out all the tedious human things about each other." he chuckles.

"After tomorrow I have a day off so...we can talk about what we need to do then. But in the meantime, I've got some orders to fill and deliver today."

"We can take my car if that would help."

"Man, would it." she says with a thankful and exasperated face. ------------------------------

For the first time, she gets driven to work and takes in the scenery of the other side of the road that she's usually on. The ride is quiet, but she doesn't mind, she usually used this time to reflect anyway.

"Ya do 'is?" he asks, standing in front of the car and pointing to the mural on the side of the building.

"Oh, no. I wish." she says with a soft huff of air, looking for her keys in her work bag. "Had a guy who needed some flowers, offered to paint it for a big discount and I took him up on it."

"It's quite good. Decent trade-off I'd say. Really adds somethin' to the place." he nods, keeping his eyes on it until they enter the store.

"Thanks for locking up and everything yesterday." she says sheepishly, recalling passing out cold.

"Oh, no worries, love. Wasn't about to leave your livlihood unattended in such a way." he waves his hand dismissively.

"I need to count and refill the till...I'll be a little behind because of yesterday..." she says with no malice meant, just merely a statement of fact, laying her bag on the back countertop underneath the kelly green cupboards filled with supplies.

"I am sorry 'bout how all that went down yesterday Mae..." he begins.

"Oh! I wasn't being passive aggressive about it!" she says with a nervous laugh. "I just...if you're gonna help you need to know what's goin' on, right?" she says with a shrug.

He smiles and is pleased to see she is all business while she's here. No wide-eyed aloofness as he'd seen back at the house. She was in her element, clearly. "Absolutely," he says with a wide closed mouth smile that raises his cheeks and makes his eyes crinkle at their edges. "Do go on, love."

The smile catches her off guard, the softness of it. And for it to be directed at her. Had a man even ever looked at her so sweetly before? The calm body language, the soft even lilt of his voice, only sounding softer in comparison from his accent. All this was so new for her. She wasn't used to men being gentle and kind with her. On top of that, he kept giving her these weird pleasurable rumblings in her stomach and chest. She was feeling prickly, like an electrical current barely strong enough to notice was running through her now that she was surrounded by her plants and him. There were so many firsts coming at her at once but with him near she didn't feel as anxious about them as she would have without him. Which logically made no sense, he was a stranger and shouldn't have any kind of calming effect on her. But here she was, feeling happy and at ease around a man she didn't know. She knew there would be lots of firsts to come with his appearance in her life but she hoped that most of them would be as pleasant as this. -----

He ran deliveries so she didn't have to leave the shop, he conditioned and cared for all the flowers, handled the new shipment and unboxed it, as she created and manned the phone and front. Having him there has been such a relief she hadn't expected. She found it easy to communicate with him, he understood her short and sometimes angry sounding orders with a nod and brisk movements. By the time the end of the day was rolling around, she was wondering how she'd done all this work alone for so long.

Everything was going swimmingly, the end near for the completion of a hard but successful day. That is until two of three labeled "white girls" came into the shop.

"Hi, Mae." Tiffany says, her over teased bleach blonde hair sitting high and obnoxious in a hairspray stiff halo around her head. She had her Chanel bag on the counter, sifting through it

Mae feels the hairs stand up on the back of her neck before she hears Alfie's boots on the tile floor coming up behind her.

"And WHO is THIS?" Jessica says, chewing her gum and twisting her hair around her finger. She was probably the worst of the three, being recently divorced, a husband successful after the marriage and with no prenup she took him to the cleaners. But it seemed with the end of her marriage, came the end of her confidence and self-respect driven behavior. Her hair was teased high with a plethora of extensions attached just like Tiffany's. She'd bought boobs, a tummy tuck, a new nose and lips with some of the divorce money. And it wasn't all done subtly or particularly well. Not that Mae was against that in particular, she just didn't like the openly crude things she'd talk about loudly in public where everyone could hear. Or the way her nipples almost popped out of her shirts she wore them so low. Mae was starting to think that in itself was something she got off on. It just made Mae uncomfortable. But Mae wasn't exactly comfortable with expressing anything with her own sexuality, so it was a personal hang up.

Alfie could literally smell the bullshit coming off these women when they walked into the store, fogging up the air with their self-entitled importance. He could hear their thoughts, the way they spoke of Mae's curly hair, the way they thought they were better than her. Alfie was in guard dog mode and it was as if he didn't even have a choice in the matter.

"This is Alfie. He's..." she blinks and stutters for a moment. "...my new employee." she finished with a nod of her head.

Alfie's walks up with his back straight and wiping his hands on a rag, eyeing her with a low brow in a not friendly way.

"So just a workin' relationship then?" she smirks, almost resembling a cartoon wolf with her tongue rolling out of her mouth and smoke coming from her ears. Except she has the end of her sunglasses in her mouth, her plumped up lips wrapping around the end while she eye fucked him from across the counter.

With a glance to Alfie, Mae could tell he was not into it. 'What's a big hunk of man like that doin' with a little low-class girl like her?' she thought to herself and Alfie's nostrils flared and twitched. 'Not like she'd know what the hell to do with him.'

"Our friend Mae here was kind enough to give me a job seein' as I'm new in town, yeah? She's helpin' me get set up, innit ya love?" he asks, turning to face her, a gentle hand on her back, trying to get a clear read on how these girls made her feel, as she'd clearly dealt with them before. He felt the hesitation, the dislike, the forced courtesy as flashes of them insulting and taking advantage of her kindness flash across his vision.

"Oh, WHERE is that accent from? I just LOOVE it." she coos, pushing her chest together and leaning on the counter as he quirks an eyebrow at her before rolling his eyes.

"Where do ya fuckin' think? I'm bloody English! Ya daft?" he asks, leaning forward, brow low and lip almost snarled in a microaggression. "This one slow?" he asks Mae, a limp and unenthusiastic hand motioning towards Jessica. Mae's jaw goes tight and her eyes widen, lips tight she tries not the laugh or agree with him. But she certainly wasn't going to stop him.

Jessica blinks in surprise, standing up straight, placing her hand on her hip for a boost of confidence. "I'm afraid I don't know much about accents over there." she tries to bat her eyelashes and play dumb, once again Alfie counters.

"Doesn't surprise me you don't know ya basic geography." he says with a raised brow and a low tone that signified no hint of playful teasing. Mae tries not the smile, Tiffany looks at him with confusion. Jessica keeps chewing on the end of her glasses, Alfie now focusing his attention towards the other woman. "What ya want? Ya got an order to pick up or ya makin' one?" he asks with an indifferent tone.

Tiffany nods, "I came to get the mum's for my daughters birthday." she begins. "She'll just be turnin' one and she's just the cutest little-"

"HERE YA GO!" he says in a deep grunting voice, interrupting her and setting the large crystal vase on the countertop. "Beautiful work as always, Mae." he says with a supportive nod. "That'll be $65 for the vase, mums, carnations, pink roses, asters, baby's breath and the greenery. RIght, love?" he turns in closer to Mae.

"Oh, he's knows what he's talkin' about doesn't he?" Jessica coos again.

"Just ya basic maths, yeah? Not that impressive to anyone with much sense." he adds curtly, nodding sharply and diverting his attention away again.

Mae blushes and looks down to the register with a nod and a tightly pulled together smile.

Tiffany nods, feeling the awkwardness between her friend and the new employee and pays Mae the flat price.

"And here's a little extra for the...hard work." Jessica says sliding a twenty across the table at Alfie.

He stares at the bill with the same grumpy look on his face, then moves his eyes only back up to her. "Mae's the one what done it. She's the artist who's work ya buyin'. Ya ain't buyin' me." he spits out, pushing the vase towards the other woman who is starting to frown despite the botox. "It's 'bout closin' time now. We got shit to do. Very busy. Get on with ya now." he orders, a sharp nod in their direction.

Tiffany takes the vase into her arms and awkwardly shifts her eyes between the two people behind the counter before turning on her heel and walking out. Jessica lingers, biting the end of her glasses, another quickie of an eye fuck and she too turns, wisely keeping her mouth shut and leaves.

"Yeah." Alfie gruffs out, finger pointing to them walking down the sidewalk. "That woman's a right cunt." he says locking the door behind him, heavy footsteps showing his annoyance as he flips the sign aggressively.

"Alfie!" Mae almost squeaks in shock at the word.

"Eh...it ain't as bad a work where I'm from." he gruffs out and moves back to the counter. "But I would call her 'at any where." he says with high brows. "Fuckin' awful that one." he says with a disgusted look on his face. "No self-respect a 'tall." he says in a high pitched voice.

"How'd you know they-?" Mae begins to ask.

"I could hear their nasty thoughts. No just 'bout me love, but you. Innit no one gonna even think 'bout you like that s'long as I'm 'round, yeah?" he places his hands on her shoulders, giving one a gentle pat. "Fuckin' awful humans." he grumbles, shaking his head and heading to the back of the store to finish labeling orders.

Mae blushes again, she couldn't recall the last time she'd gotten so hot in the face. He was so... protective. So...nice. Well, nice to her anyway, and that was what really mattered. He was mean enough to prove a point but not mean enough to make them leave her business. Plus, she knew she had the best prices around and they would be back after not being able to bargain at a big box store. She stands and blinks slowly in thought, looking out the corner of her eye as he moves around the back rooms. The first man that wasn't a guardian to be so nice, kind and gentle, even though that wasn't common either. Now he was the first to defend her without her even asking him to. She couldn't really help but feel hopeful about this new relationship, and the magic hadn't even started yet. ------ They come straight home after he hears Mae's stomach growling as they ride home. He declares he's going to make dinner and he'll deal with the worms and the power circles and everything else tomorrow. He didn't want to stress her out and he wanted to take care of her. He could defend her from racists and generally shitty people and he could feed her, so that was his plan as of right now. He'd felt the power she'd been moving around with all day, she must've been tired a lot before, he thinks. She outputs power around the plants without realizing, constantly thinking about them, worrying about them and tending to them. It was all leaking out of her and he figured he'd first need to help her identify when she was using powers, as she did nearly constantly and that wasn't something she could keep up forever. She needed to turn it off and take care of herself sometimes.

He pulls into the barely there driveway, or just barely big enough for his oversized car. He still loved it though.

A pair of neighbors are waiting on their porch as they pull in, immediately trotting across the street as fast as their elderly legs can take them, holding a plate of peanut butter rolls. Which happened to be one of Mae's favorites.

Alfie's ears prick up, turning to see the two elderly ladies crossing the street towards them.

"Friends of yours?" he asks quietly as Mae walks around the car to stand beside him.

"Best friends." she says softly with a smile.

As they approach Alfie can feel the good vibes and love they come with and his mind eases.

"Tall one is Nancy, short one is Ruth." she says with a big smile, taking a few steps towards them.

"Hello pumpkin'!" they both coo out, coming in to hug her from both sides.

"Your hair is gettin' so looong." Ruth says, patting her cheek.

"We brought you your favorite as an excuse to see who this handsome man is we saw coming out of your house this morning." Nancy grins, raising her head with its short grey hairstyle. Nancy was always the straight shooter.

"And I should ask who are these lovely ladies I've never seen before?" he grins extending his hand to Ruth first.

"Oh my goodness!" she blushes and giggles. "What a sweet boy!" she praises with a smile so big her eyes shut and taking his hand that she covers with both of his.

"Miss...?" he asks.

"Ruth dear!" she says cheerfully.

"And you miss?" he asks reaching out for Nancy's hand who takes it but is as always, far cooler and collected about it.

"Nancy. Call me Nance." she says with a single nod.

"Ruth and Nance. I am Alfie Solomons. 'Ello. " he says with a booming and attention demanding voice that was clearly charming the pants right off Ruth and was even earning an eyebrow wiggle Mae's way from Nance.

"Far from home ain't ya?" Nance says in a friendly tone.

"Yes, ma'am I am from Camden, London." he says politely with a nod. "I am new in town and your darling Mae here was kind enough to let me rent out her guest room to stay in." Before any other questions can come out of their mouths, and there was an impressive amount bumping around in their heads, "We have a mutual friend who vouched for me ahead of time."

"Ahh." they both say, looking over and nodding in unison.

"He's helping me out at the shop too." Mae adds in, holding the plate of rolls.

"Oh! A handy one." Nance says, sizing him up. "That will certainly be useful." she muses.

"I plan to, ma'am." he grins that charming smile and they're sold.

"He's been pretty useful so far." Mae chimes in.

"I made your favorite dear!" Ruth chirps.

"I already told her, hun." Nance corrects her.

"Oh yes. The humidity was perfect for them, couldn't pass up the chance." she says patting the saran wrapped sweets.

"Also had to check in on our girl Mae. We watch her like hawk, mind you Alfie."

"Watch away!" he chuckles. "I won't be any trouble, I promise." he says with a single nod.

"How long are you stayin'?" Nance begins her questions.

"As long as Mae will have me I suppose. I'm here for the long haul, work visa and all. Needed a change of scenery from where I was so I came to the states. Did some travelin' for a bit, met Mae's friend on an online discussion board about flowers. Ya see me mum worked with flowers, so I'm familiar. And when I decided to head down south I was directed to our lovely little Mae here who has been a most gracious host I must say."

"She is a sweetheart." Ruth smiles. "She can cook! Have you cooked for him yet, baby girl, you really should!" she says enthusiastically, leaning in and lowering her voice to a loud whisper, putting her hand to her mouth to hide it "Way to a man's heart is through his stomach ya know." she nods like it was the first time Mae would've ever heard the saying.

"I was planning on cooking with him tonight actually, that's what we were on our way to do. But I won't have to worry about dessert now will I?" she smiles happily.

"We won't keep you kids then." Nance says, tugging the back of Ruth's cotton dress.

"I'll bring back the plate soon." Mae adds in, taking a few steps back, Alfie following her lead.

"You be good! We'll come over sometime and we'll all have to catch up. I wanna know more about you Mr. Alfie! You better take good care of our little sweet potato pie there!" Ruth says as Nance continues to tug her back, now by her arm.

"Lord mercy Ruth, act like you ain't desperate." she laughs, turning the other woman around.

"Well I'm closing in on 70 and I want her married. Don't do bringin' the Lord into this!" she says with a raised finger.

"Oh, hush. You'll be prayin' about it later, don't you act like you won't."

"Of course I will! Did you see him? My word." she says with a little noise of enthusiasm afterward.

Alfie and Mae stand with tight lips, trying not to laugh as they wait for them to cross the street before heading into the house.

"What a couple of characters." he laughs, taking his shoes off.

"They mean well. They're darlings. And damn fine poker players. They'll win the shirt off your back." she giggles.

"How do you know them?"

"They were friends with Bessie and Charles that owned this place. So they've known me since I was a teenager."

"Some time then yeah?"

"Oh yeah. I got the house a little over a year ago and I hang out with them sometimes. They're nice and funny. Well-intentioned." she says with a shrug, setting the plate on the table.

"And these are?"

"Peanut butter rolls. They're hard to make so they make 'em for me since I failed the first time." she laughs. "Try one. It's powdered sugar and peanut butter basically."

He takes one and tears away a piece."Oh bloody hell that's sweet."

"Very."

"You southerners love your sweets dunnit ya?"

"Oh yeah." she says with a big grin and a nod.

"Ya gonna need those calories to keep up with the work you're gonna be doin'." he says with a huff of a laugh.

"Good. Because I love these." she says popping the other half of the piece he ate into her mouth.

"What ya wanna do for dinner dear?" he asks, rubbing his hands together. "Shall I make something from home? From my travels? You wanna teach me somethin' 'bout your soul food?" he asks with a shake of his head.

"Yeah. Let's make some comfort food. I'm starvin'. We worked hard today. We earned it."

"What ya wanna make?"

"Let's keep it simple. Some shrimp ‘n cheese grits." she says, moving to the fridge.

"Whatever you say sweet potato pie." he laughs.

@jaegeeeeer @negansdirtygirl22 @brianaisasongbird @hardygal69 @emerald-bijou @captstefanbrandt @coolgh0st @tinastarkandco @stylishmileage  

[lunamanar]

Can you talk about lions? In the FF8 world, are they rare, mythical, extinct? Do they all have wings? (I don't recall anyone ever referring to Griever as a "winged lion," perhaps because his wings are normal for a lion?) For that matter, are there any wild animals besides monsters?

Lions! Yes, let’s talk about lions in FFVIII, shall we?

So, first of all, briefly–I do think the lions, along with many other animal predators, are extinct in FFVIII’s world. Or if they still do are incredibly rare. Almost no one in the game ever references wild animals, and while we see plenty of pets…everything we run into while wandering in the wilderness are monstrous creatures. The only non-monstrous wild animals we see are birds (flying alongside Garden after it takes off) and a lone, startled chital. 

Basically, there is no evidence in the game that they do exist, so my tendency is to assume that they do not. You could easily make the argument that we just didn’t see them, or chalk it up to graphical limitations…all perfectly fair. But I’m the sort of person who views an absence of evidence as evidence of absence. 

If you need actual evidence to support the claim of absence, consider this: When speaking of Griever, Rinoa seems…completely unaware of what a lion even is. She calls Griever as pictured on Squall’s ring “some kind of monster”–which would make sense, if you live in a world where most aggressive-looking wild creatures are monsters. And when Squall finally corrects her and says it’s a lion, she s o u n d s  i t  o u t like she’s never heard it before, and may even be making fun of this weird word that is new to her. 

But! All that said, I think they did exist. Not just because of Griever, but because of some of FFVIII’s mythological background and some of the locations that background references. 

Obviously, a great deal of (particularly older) architecture in FFVIII’s world is Greco-Roman. In fact, before you read on, you might want to visit that link, first. 

But there’s also a lot that isn’t, and it’s actually that section–namely, Esthar–where the world’s ties to lion symbology become important. 

I think people often miss, probably because they’re less familiar with it, the very strong references to Mesopotamian mythology in the latter half of the game (I’m not saying you haven’t noticed, and this may not be news to you at all, but I think a lot of people haven’t, because I never, ever see it talked about, even on tumblr). And that’s a shame, because picking up on those references is absolutely crucial to getting the most out of the story, in my opinion.

So, follow me for just a bit: 

“Priestess of Ishtar” by Victor Adame [VictorAdameArt on DA]

I’ll start with something more well-known: that Esthar is likely a reference to Ishtar, a goddess of love, fertility and sexuality, and the patron deity of hunters. 

Less understood, unless you delve into her: she’s daughter to Anu, the Sumerian god-king (or king-god, rather, as he wasn’t king of the gods, but something of an absolute king (and protector) of men, and divine judge for mortal wrongdoers). She possesses wings, and her most well-known symbols, found on monuments that reference her, are the lion, the white flower, and the eight-pointed star.

These symbols are also found on the Gate of Ishtar–the fabled eighth and final gate to the underworld.

(An unrelated side-note: King Nebuchadnezzar II, who reconstructed the gate based on the myth, also (purportedly) rebuilt the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, shown below.

Familiar design choices, no?)

Ishtar is also prominent figure in the Epic of Gilgamesh, where her advances are spurned by Gilgamesh. She coerces her father Anu to give her Gugalanna, the Great Bull of Heaven, to avenge this “wrongdoing.”

The Bull in Ishtar’s hands is an agent of destruction, the nature of which should also be familiar to FFVIII fans; in the process of causing widespread ruin, it reduces lakes to basins of salt, and punches giant craters in the earth.

Under Ishtar’s command, it has been called the monster of the eighth gate. What gate is familiar in regards to FFVIII’s Esthar?

The Lunar Gate. 

Basically, I believe the Lunar Cry is an indirect reference to the Bull of Heaven, and it’s not the only one. I could make an entire post about that, alone, really.  Okay okay, though, bulls. But: lions? Stay with me. 

So Ishtar throws a fit and the Bull of Heaven is stomping cities into the ground. However, Gilgamesh and his comrade, Enkidu, defeat the bull. They dismember it, and Enkidu threatens Ishtar with the same if he should catch her misbehaving again. For this impiety–as often happened to Ishtar’s servant lions when they displeased her–Enkidu was struck dead, and his spirit sent through “the gate,” (no number is mentioned on the tablets, but my friend-who-studies-Summerian-and-Akkaidian-mythologies confirms that this is most likely in reference to the eighth gate) to the underworld.

What sucks is that, although Gilgamesh vows to find a way to get Enkidu back, and he does have a little bit of luck with a magi who lets him talk to Enkidu in the underworld, we’re missing the parts of the story where he would have actually rescued him, or failed to do so. There are later tablets that show Enkidu alive and well, but they seem to be by different authors and may simply be…yes…Gilgamesh fanfiction.  

So…Enkidu is Dead theories abound. It’s an ongoing argument among interested humanities. 

…There are a great many parallels between Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and Seifer and Squall, respectively. I think it’s no accident at all that the FF version of Gilgamesh is the one who interrupts their last battle.

There are also many connections between Ishtar and the depiction of sorceresses in FFVIII. At once selfish and wrathful, and deeply empathetic with a great love for her subjects, Ishtar causes great pain and destruction, while also doing everything she can to rescue those she sees wronged and fighting against corruption in society. She is the antagonist in the above story, but if you want a good example of her benevolence, look up her involvement with Asushunamir.  Whatever she does, she does honestly. The same could easily be said of Rinoa, Edea, Adel or even Ultimecia. Every sorceress we learn of is, in her way, an analogue for this troubled demigoddess, for whom lions–winged lions, if she’d deemed them fit to carry her–are a recurring symbol. 

So, did lions really exist in FFVIII’s world? Yes, I think they did, but I think they were, like so many other “normal” predatory animals, outclassed and pushed to extinction by the arrival of the first few Lunar Cries. Now they’re little more than legends. 

Were there winged lions? I think, if you go with Ishtar’s mythology as an analogue, most lions did not have wings, but perhaps certain sorceresses who fancied them saw fit to gift them with a pair. Rampant winged lions were probably a popular symbol at some point in time, and I imagine Griever is modeled after those symbols.

And finally, are there any other wild animals besides monsters? The FMVs would seem to say yes, what with the birds and the deer. I think, of all things, prey animals probably adapted a lot better to the introduction of monsters, simply because…they’re used to being prey…and they wouldn’t have to compete with monsters for resources other than land and water sources. Predators, though, would have a much harder time of it. Faced with aggressive beasts wielding powerful magic, not many native carnivores would have stood much of a chance. 

Birds–flying creatures in general–and sea-bound critters (dolphins, sharks, as seen in the Deep Sea Research Center) seem to have had an easier time of it; most monsters seem to be land-dwellers primarily, and anyone who can swim or fly away can probably survive fairly well without too many negative consequences. 

Although I rambled a bit (a lot) and kind of used lions as a springboard for my Mesopotamian jabber, I hope you enjoyed my completely over-thought response to your questions, and my justifications thereof. 

[talen77703]

“Overnight, I became a sun worshiper. Well, not overnight, you can’t see the sun at night. The next morning…” -George Carlin

Nicknames: Sunbathers, Stargazers

Most people know that the sun is vital for almost all life on earth (excluding certain sulphur-metabolising creatures at deep ocean depths), but Sunbathers really know it. The sun regulates, directly and indirectly, the activities and biology of every creature on Earth’s surface. To those who understand it, sunlight can be converted into energy. Those who do not respect its power get burned — literally. The sun does not have power; the sun is power.

On the other hand, the moon has just as much impact on the world’s life, with its tidal influence and romantic connections. Not to mention its clear statistical correllation with madness and insanity. It also reflects and reverses the light from the sun, bringing light to darkness, and can eclipse the sun, replacing light with darkness. Stargazers are just as attuned to the power of the moon as Sunbathers are to the sun.

Much like the East/West split between Cryptomancy, the schools of Heliomancy and Lunamancy approach the same focus from different directions. The schools can be hard to teach for reasons similar to Urbanomancy; the would-be adept must already have a strong connection with the moon or sun.

The Paradox of both schools is that an adept must choose an adherent to either the sun or moon, to light or darkness, but neither light nor darkness can exist by itself; both are required to tell where one ends and another begins. Similarly, the world as we know it would not exist without both the sun and moon.

Heliomancy Stats

Generate a Minor Charge: Watch the sun rise or set, from start to finish. You don’t need to stare directly at the sun itself, but you have to be aware of its progress the whole time. This means you can’t bring a book with you and just wait for the charge to come. (Music doesn’t seem to cause a problem.)

Generate a Significant Charge: Sig charges can only be acquired on days when the moon is new, the time when the lunar influence on the solar energy is minimized. You must watch the sun set as normal, then stay awake all night watching the stars, and finally watch the sun rise again the next morning. You don’t get minor charges for the sunset or sunrise, though. Once again, no reading. Music is fine.

Generate a Major Charge: Watch a lunar eclipse from beginning to end. It doesn’t have to be a total eclipse. No reading or music, this time.

Taboo: The sunbather’s connection to the energy of the sun is a careful balance not unlike the mental state of the Infomancer when carrying charges. On the other hand, the sun’s influence is not easily thrown aside. Artificial light sources cause the Heliomancer to lose charges, but not all at once; every minute of exposure to lit candles, electrical lights, flares, et cetera, cause one minor charge to dissipate uselessly (breaking up sig charges if necessary). Light exposure less than a minute long adds up over time, resulting in an eventual loss of a charge. The moon and stars, and the adepts’ own magickal lights, do not count as charge busters. Strangely enough, sunscreen doesn’t taboo the adept, but prevents the gathering of more charges until it has been completely removed from the skin; this can sometimes take a few days, depending on chemistry, physiology, and just how much of the stuff got on the sunbather’s skin.

Random Magick Domain: Light, heat, and energy are the most obvious elements, but the sun also has some symbolic connections to health and knowledge.

Heliomancy Blast Style: Fireballs. Naturally. Small spheroids of concentrated heat and light form near the caster and rocket towards the target. This blast can damage inanimate objects, but cannot harm immaterial beings like demons or entropics.

Charging Tips: Heliomancers can snag two minor charges a day provided they get up early. Sig charges are not as common, namely a once-a-month affair. Be sure to watch the calendar.

Starting Charges: A new Heliomancer starts out with no charges at all, so set your alarm early.

Heliomancy Minor Formula Spells

Good Morning Cost: 1 Minor Charge Effect: This spell instantly removes any penalties from sleep deprivation or exhaustion, similar to the Epideromancy Spell “Relentless Will”. The target is not exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed, but he or she can work and act without yawning or keeling over.

Sunburn Cost: 2 Minor Charges Effect: This is the Heliomancy Minor Blast. Fireballs form around the adept and rocket towards the target, and may even set the target on fire if the situation warrants it (target was soaked in gasoline, had some flammable hair gel, was wearing easily ignited fabrics, GM was bored… you get the idea). When determining fire damage, use the tens place die, then reduce it by one each round until it reaches zero (fire burns itself out) or the target extinguishes the fire (stop drop and roll, fire extinguisher, jump in the river, et cetera).

Clear as Day Cost: 2 Minor Charges Effect: The caster can get a single, yes-or-no answer to a question asked. Unless magick, avatars, or the Invisible Clergy are involved, that is. A yes typically takes the form of a feeling of extreme heat, while a no is a brief chill. These are basically “hot spots” and “cold spots” centered around the caster, and can be detected with electronic temperature sensors, not to mention anyone standing right next to the caster.

Daybreak Cost: 3 Minor Charges Effect: A small spheroid of light forms above the caster’s head, or in the caster’s hand. It’s bright enough to read by and lasts five minutes or until extinguished.

Blinded by the Light Cost: 5 Minor Charges Effect: There is a short but intense flash of light which blinds whoever looks at it. This is not permanent, but is bound to play hell with any attempt to fight effectively or drive. The caster is NOT immune to this blinding flash.

Heliomancy Significant Formula Spells

Sunspots Cost: 1 Significant Charge Effect: The caster is ground zero for a communications blackout. Anything using radio waves or microwave transmissions gets nothing but static until sundown or until the caster cancel’s the effect. When cast at night, it requires twice as many charges, and lasts until dawn. The radius of effect is equal to about fifty feet.

Solar Flare Cost: 1 Significant Charge Effect: This is the Significant Blast, and it always sets the target on fire unless the target is underwater or dressed up like a firefighter looking for trouble. Use the tens place die for fire damage, as with the minor blast.

Nice Tan Cost: 2 Significant Charges Effect: The target recovers wound points equal to the roll of the spell. They also inexplicably develop a good, even tan, but with tan lines equivalent to the outfit they were wearing the day before. There is no known explaination for this.

Apollo’s Vice Cost 3 Significant Charges Effect: This applies the greek sun god Apollo’s famous habit of chasing women and nymphs and so on to a single male target. This male ends up with a serious sexual appetite and the compulsion to gratify it immediately. Resisting the urge to mate with the closest female is a Rank-8 Self Challenge, possibly higher if the target prefers men. When used on women, however, it makes them inexplicably attractive to the opposite sex; the woman gains the skill “Sexually Alluring” at the level of her Soul Stat, and does not know it. In both cases, the effects last 12 hours.

Ozone What? Cost: 5 Significant Charges Effect: A very malevolent spell, this cause the target to instantly and spontaneously develop skin cancer; malignant melanoma. The tumors will not spread throughout the body, but they will grow until treated with radiation/chemotherapy, removed with surgery, cured with magick, or the death of the target. Whichever comes first.

Heliomancy Major Effects: Teleport to and from any spot on the globe where the sun is shining. Become the Human Torch for a day. Gain the ability to shine light from your eyes at will. Cause stable, sustainable thermonuclear reactions to occur in the privacy of your own home.

Lunamancy Stats

Generate a Minor Charge: Go out on any night where the moon is visible and watch the moon for one hour. One charge per night, no more no less.

Generate a Significant Charge: On a night when the moon is full, go out and watch it rise and/or set. It doesn’t matter where the sun is during the moonrise and moonset, so long as you watch the whole thing.

Generate a Major Charge: Watch a Solar Eclipse from beginning to end. Yes, you can use protective lenses or one of those pinhole boxes, so long as you watch the entire thing.

Taboo: The power of the Lunamancer is based upon the reflection and alteration of the sun’s energy, but the sun itself doesn’t disrupt this connection. Lack of a constant influx of energy causes charges to fade out. In other words, total darkness has the same effect on the stargazer as artificial light does to the sunbather. One minute of total darkness means one minor charge goes poof. Being out under the stars during a new moon can do it too, unless the adept has a flashlight/lantern on hand.

Lunamancy Blast Style: The Black of Night. The target is immediately struck blind for a number of rounds equal to the damage of the blast, and suffers damage in the form of instant, freezing cold. This can cause heart problems for some people, and the significant blast can have an effect similar to exposure to dry ice or liquid nitrogen. At the very least, there’s a chance of frostbite.

Random Magick Domain: Darkness and the night, especially, but also emotions and sanity.

Charging Tips: Lunamancers can get a charge each night that the moon is visible, and two significant charges the night the moon is full. Just don’t nod off.

Starting Charges: Lunamancers start with no charges whatsoever.

Lunamancy Minor Formula Spells:

On the Prowl Cost: 1 Minor Charge Effect: For the next five minutes, the caster has superior night vision and could theoretically read a book by starlight alone. This can mean shifts to Notice and possibly combat skills in the dark, but it does make the caster more vulnerable to things like flashes of light — the caster takes one die of damage and cannot see for at least six hours.

Dark Night Cost: 1 Minor Charge Effect: This is the minor blast.

Man in the Moon Cost: 2 Minor Charges Effect: The next time the target looks at the moon, they see a giant face on its surface… making faces at them. This is worth a Rank-9 Unnatural Check.

Isn’t it Romantic?: Cost: 3 Minor Charges Effect: The caster becomes a very attractive and dashing person, the type who says all the right things, until the sun comes up. In other words, he or she gains the skill “Master of Romance” at 50% (or at the level of the Soul Stat if it’s below 50). It doesn’t work at all during the day.

Twig Snap: Cost: 4 Minor Charges Effect: The target is struck by crippling paranoia coupled with panic, and must make a Stress Check against Isolation (Rank-7) to keep from freaking out.

Lunamancy Significant Formula Spells

Things That Go Bump: Cost: 2 Significant Charges Effect: When this spell is cast in dim light, or at least light with lots of shadow around it, a pack of Tenembrae are summoned and either chow down on the closest corpse or attack the living. The caster cannot control them.

Pitch Black: Cost: 1 Significant Charge Effect: This is the significant blast.

Tidal Influence: Cost: 2 Significant Charges Effect: The caster can either gain a temporary positive shift in one skill, or force a temporary negative shift in one skill on another person, lasting for six hours. This can affect any skill except magick schools, obsession skills, Avatar skills, or (for reasons unknown) General Education. The shift, be it positive or negative, is equal to the ten’s place of the roll to cast the spell; a success of 45% would mean a 40% shift. No shift can exceed 40%.

Howl of the Wolf: Cost: 3 Significant Charges Effect: For ten minutes, the stargazer can communicate with any non-insect animal, much like the Third Avatar Channel of the Savage. This can be used to stop hostilities (sometimes), and get information, but keep in mind that the spell does not allow control, and devoted and loyal pets may not believe you have their master’s best interests at heart.

Some Kind of Lunatic: Cost: 5 Significant Charges Effect: The caster puts some serious mental pressure on the target in the form of a stress check on whichever madness meter has the most failed notches. If the target makes the check, he gets no hardened notch. If he fails, then that entire gauge is failed marks, and the target is now officially out of his mind. Therapy can remove such failed notches as normal.

Lunamancy Major Effects: Cure (or cause) a mental aberration that therapy and/or medical science has been unable to help with. Instantly gain a skill dealing with stealth at the level of the governing stat. Cause a tidal wave or tsunami of epic proportions. Force somebody else to fall madly in love with you.

What You Hear: The Heliomancer and Lunamancer

Somewhere in Mexico City, there’s a pair of adepts, one being a sunbather and one being a stargazer, that are actually brother and sister. They’re waging a mystical family feud that’s gotten so far out of hand that the Sleepers have given up trying to stop them and are just covering the local news outlets. They’re also trying to ice every adept and avatar that tries to get in or out of the city to keep things stable. You may want to change vacation plans accordingly.

[archived--hell]

Ey yo fuckers

You remember how i said i’d make a list of good games n shit right? Well here the fuck it is scoob. PLEASE REBLOG THIS IT TOOK HOURS TO PUT TOGETHER OH MY GOD

Cute Demon Crashers! - Cute Demon Crashers! is a silly little short game that gives a lazy virgin college student a fun and safe space to explore her first sexual experience with a partner of her choice, if she so desires. Warnings: 18+

Desolate village - Desolate Village is a Adventure-horror game developed for the 2016 Pixel Horror Jam. The game deals with a the protagonist name Alex, as he wakes up in a village filled with talk animals villagers that all know who he is. But Alex does not remember who they are or how they got in the village.  Warnings: Gore

Lads in Distress - The whole of Lunar Kingdom is abuzz with excitement and curiosity - Princess Charming is throwing a royal ball to celebrate her 18th birthday, much to everyone's surprise. Invitations have been sent to nobles and royals from all neighboring nations, although Charming and her parents only really care about the princes. After all, everyone knows that the true purpose of the ball is for Charming to find a man suitable as her husband so she can form an advantageous political alliance, or even merge their nations together, to save her kingdom from poverty. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) for Charming, the princes may need to be rescued just as much as her kingdom does. Warnings: None

Love Is Strange - In Love is Strange, you play as Max Caulfield, an 18-year-old in her second year at the prestigious Blackwell Academy in the sleepy seaside town of Arcadia Bay, Oregon. Max, who aspires to become a famous photographer, finds herself challenged by the prospect of entering a photography contest hosted by her school. To be able to enter the contest, she has to pick a partner to work with. From there on out, what happens is up to you. Warnings: None (that i’m aware of, it didn’t interest me enough to finish it (not saying it’s bad!!! just not my cup of tea))

Out of sight - When Lina decided to go to the park to finish reading a book she couldn't have anticipated that misplacing her glasses could lead to paranormal encounters.  Warnings: Death

Pretty please - A short game about a lady who goes into a beauty clinic to "fix a few things". Warnings: blood, mildly unsettling imagery

Seduce me the otome - "It seemed like the start of something new. Something that would change." You are a senior in high school along with your two best friends, Naomi Patterson and Suzu Cappini. You are also the granddaughter of Harold Anderson, the CEO and founder of Anderson Toys, a toy company sworn to give children amazing products and give a large part of their profit to charity. One day, you get called home to attend your grandfather's funeral. After the funeral, you learn that you have inherited his large estate. Your father suggests you move in immediately, so the next day, you move out of your parents home and into your estate. When you enter your new home, however, you see five injured, yet very handsome men on the lobby floor. They eventually awaken and make it known that they were attacked by a group of dangerous 'misfits' and ran to find shelter, passing out as soon as they entered your home. You find out that they are incubi, 'demons who consume and use sexual energy of humans to survive'. With nowhere to go and a target on their backs, they ponder what what to do. Out of sympathy, you offer your home as refuge for a while in exchange for minor servitude (it is a big house, after all). They happily agree. What will happen as the incubi get comfy? Why exactly did they come the human world? Who are the 'misfits', and will they stop pursuing them so the incubi can leave? ...Will you WANT them to leave? (it has a sequel, among other things!! very good!!!!!)  Warnings: mentions of blood, guns & other weapons, optional sex scenes

The shadows that run along side our car - The road is long. Two strangers sit side by side as night falls over. The car speeds down the open highway. Without a soul around them, everything seems to slip away. On a journey to no one knows where, all they have is words and time. And that time is dwindling fast. The shadows are chasing. Warnings: mentions of suicide, violence, death, and mentions of zombies (im not sure if they actually show up, ill update this if i see any)

Solanaceae Another Time - After bumping into a strange witch, Sal is told he was once the witch's lover in a past life. Though doubtful, Sal takes a leap of faith and gets his fortune read by the witch. What he learns sends him on a month long journey of self discovery and magical encounters... Warnings: sex (but you can avoid this in the start of the game)

This, my soul - When your ship and fellow crew members are destroyed during a routine mission by space debris, you are rescued by the one laborer-class android who happened to be nearby... Now the two of you must spend an entire three-month journey alone with each other aboard the small, maintenance ship that is taking you back to civilization. Along the way, there is little on board to keep you occupied... save the android. He calls himself Silas. As the situation forces you to get to know one another, you quickly figure out that while he may not have emotions the way WE understand them, he IS a construct designed to learn, adapt, and serve... Warnings: suggestive content

Cinderella Phenomenon - Four years after the end of the Great War and the loss of her mother, Crown Princess Lucette of Angielle is still struggling to come to terms with her new life and step-family. Cold-hearted and bitter, Lucette fails to recognize the suffering of those around her as she is consumed by grief and resentment. But Lucette's life is once again turned upside down when she becomes a victim of the Fairytale Curse.Join Lucette as she goes from riches to rags and journeys to regain her life and break her curse. Warnings: none as of yet, but i’m still playing through

Unfinished games:

What's your sign quiz - In this teaser story, the 12 signs of the Zodiac need your help. But not before getting to know you a little first! This game is a personality quiz where they try to guess... What's Your Sign? With the option of a short or long quiz (12 or 24 questions), there's lots of replay ability with the various responses you'll get. Get to know all of your astrological faves before you begin your magical adventure together! Warnings: none

Date or Die - In this demo, you'll see the opening moments of the game, where you'll be introduced to the cast of characters, find your match, and get an overview of the stakes involved. In addition to containing a completely different script from the original demo, this prologue also features new sprites and artwork for all characters, introduces one or two faces you might not have seen before, and gives you a clearer idea of what to expect when you first open the full game! Warnings: mentions of killing, and treats toward a younger unseen party

Dr.Frank - After being kicked out of both his PhD program (plant science) as well as medical school (Pathology), Dr. Frank had pretty much resolved himself to a life of solitude and science. That is, until a handsome stranger knocked on his door and swept him off his feet. Dominik seemed to be the perfect boyfriend- attentive, caring, and interested in Dr. Frank's work. Maybe too interested. Three months into the rainbow-colored relationship, Dominik runs off with Dr. Frank's lifelong research on resurrection to present at the annual prestigious Hindenberg University Conference, under his own name. Livid, Dr. Frank decides the only course of action: Revenge. Not only is Dr. Frank going to one-up Dominik's presentation by presenting the world's first artificial life form, but Dr. Frank is going to make said life form the world's hottest, most beautiful boyfriend. EVER. Warnings: grave robbing, bad jokes

Paws and Effect My Dogs Are Human! - Charlie's got everything a quirky millennial could want: A new job, an upcoming party, and super-cute Pomeranians. Naturally, it all goes wrong. Charlie's birthday is in a few days and she's looking forward to a quiet, at-home party with a few friends. But a small (read: not small) problem arises when, due to inexplicable circumstances, her two Pomeranians transform into humans! Why did this happen? What can be done? Can dogs be trusted with fingers? With more questions than answers, Charlie finds herself embroiled in a nonsensical adventure with her once-canine companions. As her dogs' many personality quirks hound them in their human lives, how will Charlie cope with her new circumstances? Warnings: none as of yet

The Letter - In the outskirts of Luxbourne City stands a 17th-century English mansion, rumored to be haunted by vengeful spirits. After reading a letter discovered inside on the day of its open house, seven people find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle of madness plaguing the Ermengarde Mansion for centuries. Will they be able to free themselves from it, or will they become another casualty? Warnings: death, disturbing imagery, blood, gore, jumpscares, general horror warnings

[childrenofathoria-rp-blog]

◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Gaby, 21 Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: EST Desired Character: Farryn

◆Character Information◆ (1) What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?: Pronouns will be she/her. I’m leaning towards pansexual for sexuality but nothing is set in stone yet. 

(2) Any changes or comments? None

(3) Why this character? She’s pretty different from the type of characters I usually play. My go-to is more often than not characters with mysterious pasts and potential waiting to be unlocked. With Farryn she knows who she is, what she wants and how to get it. It’ll be a good chance for me to branch out.

(4) Interpret this character:

Like I said before, Farryn knows who she is, what she wants and how to get it. She’s got confidence and a drive, she’s strong and full of pride. She’ll push herself to become a better, stronger version of who she is. At first glance, she’s very serious. Serious face, serious clothing… even her weapons of choice are serious. She doesn’t feel the need to proclaim herself loudly, actions speak louder than words after all. Her presence commands attention, but only if she wants it to. With age comes wisdom and mastery, which she executes expertly when necessary.

Writing in her journal is the only time she allows herself any kind of vulnerability. Chasing the idea of a partner that is all but lost to her now, jotting down her thoughts is the only solace she has. Just because she wants what she can’t have, it doesn’t mean she can’t write about it. Besides, she’s lived this long not by following the fickle whims of the heart. Emotions cloud judgment and bring about mistakes. So long as she keeps herself at arm’s length away, she - as well as those around her - get to live another day. She’s loyal, yes, but not stupid. She knows when to put up her protective walls.

As far as the emerging monarchy goes, she’s cautiously optimistic at best. The winds of change blow between the trees, and she is unsure of what to make of it. All she knows for certain is where her trust lies: in Alastair. Despite her harsh, cold exterior there is some warmth and tenderness in her. Farryn loves her pack to no end, and the rising threat of the vampires has her on edge. She yearns to learn more about them, and once she knows enough there will be no stopping her. Humans cannot be put into a box, she learned that some time ago; Farryn takes them as they come. Those with gifts, however, give her reason to pause; She finds them unpredictable, and her edge will be sharper than usual around them. One thing rings true consistently, though. If they’re a threat to her or her family, they will be destroyed. ◆ Interview Questions ◆

(1) Question One: Do you still know who your biological family is among the humans in the City of Hala? Or has too much time passed? Her eyes narrow at the suggestion. “I have lived for seven centuries, never leaving. Never faltering. The humans come and go, as they do, but it’s my job to know.” Moving subconsciously, her body leans forward. “No amount of time is too much. I have seen the children of my siblings grow old and pass, as well as their children, and their children’s children.” She takes a moment to breathe. “I know who they are, yes. But they do not know me.”

(2) Question Two: What type of weapons do you like to use? Do you commission personalized pieces? The question sits with her oddly at first. Weapons? The first weapons that ever come to mind with her are claws and teeth, the natural weapons of her wolven form. The weapons she had craved since the beginning. But of course, certain situations call for the simplicity of her human body. “Daggers.” She says after a moment. “Easy to conceal and carry, though I’ve yet to find a reason to commission my own.” The woman shrugs, nonchalantly waving a hand. “No need for embellishments, weapons are useful so long as they get the job done.”

◆Writing Sample:◆

She could sense him now.

The moon shone high in the sky, a waning crescent threatening to disappear within the next few days. Soon, the new moon would be upon them and the cycle would begin again. Waxing, full, waning. But these creatures… these beasts were not chained to the lunar cycle as her kind were. Their pallid skin made her stomach churn, and the scent wafting off their bodies was sickening. This man smelled like death. A strange notion for one who appeared to be so young, but a sickly sweet stench surrounded him, swirling around his body like smoke.

Surrounded by Mother Gaia’s gift of life, he was easy to track; fatal mistake number two. The first was venturing too close to their lands. ‘He must be young,’ Farryn thought to herself, ‘to be so foolish.’ The shadows camouflaged her perfectly, the inky black of her fur completely invisible within the forest. Her Urhan form was doing her well, this night. She knew they had keen senses, perhaps as keen as that of her own kind. It was impossible for him to be unaware of her, quietly following him a few paces back. Was he leading her to an ambush? A likely scenario that Farryn had taken into consideration, obviously. There were others nearby, awaiting a signal of distress or permission. Should things go south, her pack would pounce and tear the offender to shreds. If her prey led her to whatever hovel he and his kin decided to lay to rest during the day, she’d howl away the flankers and update the pack. It was simple; A system she had perfected over the centuries.

It was then that the creature before her decided to make his final, fatal mistake. In what was either a rush of bravery or outright stupidity, the vampire rushed her in a rage. Farryn’s reflexes were lightning fast, leaping away from her aggressor with ease, sending him hurtling into a tree. She would have laughed if she could. Instead, with the confidence of hundreds of fights prior, Farryn charged. Teeth bared and growling ferociously, her jaw clamped down on her victim’s arm. Her work was quick, tearing deep gashes into the limb, rendering it bloodied and broken almost instantly. It was obvious he was young now, his movements were panicked and erratic at best. The calm he had demonstrated earlier was long gone, and the two began their dance of death. There would be no need to call for help. She would end it herself.

[foxcroft-rpg-blog]

Congratulations, Emily! Honestly, your application was just beautiful. You really understand all the things that drive Nina. You see that she may be bruised, but she is by no means broken. I’m really happy you applied, and I’m happier to accept you. Can’t wait to see what you do with Nina!

Thanks again for applying! Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the masterlist as soon as you can. Welcome to Foxcroft!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Emily

Age: Twenty

Preferred pronouns: she/her

Time zone: GMT.

Activity: I would say that my activity is firmly a 6/7. I am in my final year of university, so that obviously has to take priority, but my semester finishes at the end of March. I do have essay deadlines and exams coming up across April/May, but they’re definitely manageable. So I’d say I’ll be pretty active – definitely on to do replies every other day or so and I’m pretty much always available to plot!

Anything else?: Nope! Just to thank you for looking over my app.

IN CHARACTER

(TW: Miscarriage)

Full name: Nina Florencia Delgado.

NINA: The name Nina may originate from the old Slavic word Ninati, meaning "dreamer" or “dream”. Nina had so many dreams. She would write them out on a notepad each day before she went to sleep, stick them up on the wall she shared with one of her siblings, memorise them and whisper them underneath her breath until they could become true. Willing them to be. It wasn’t much. She didn’t dream of grandeur, no aspirations to touch the ceiling of the world, or to be somebody. She only wanted happiness, to dedicate her life to the service of others and one day teach Spanish to her children and plait their hair. Unfortunately, that dream – the most longed for dream of all, if she’s being honest – was stolen from her in a cruel twist of fate. Many would have given up dreaming all together, curled up in a ball and allowed the pain to consume them. But not Nina. True to her nature, she allowed that dream to fade away, focusing on the others instead. Those will come true – even if she has to peel parts of herself off to make it so.

FLORENCIA: In Spanish the meaning of the name Florencia is: Flowering. Blooming. Nina doesn’t fit the conventional description of a flower. Her petals aren’t so easily torn. She isn’t something temporary, lasting for a moment. If anything, she’s the stable oak, roots plunging underground, stoic when the gale howls. But, in many ways, she is the bloom of summer, the inward beauty you cannot help but stop and admire. She’s an individual full of potential, someone capable of everything and anything, someone who continues to fight even when struck down, who continues to see the good and beautiful in the world, in spite of everything she’s endured. Through the winter frost, she comes out the other side – ready to grow again, ready to bloom.

DELGADO: Spanish and Portuguese: nickname for a thin person, from Spanish, Portuguese delgado ‘slender’ (Latin delicatus 'dainty’, 'exquisite’, a derivative of deliciae 'delight’, 'joy’). Although most people wear the names of their father, Nina chose a long time ago to don that of her mothers. Her father ran away without so much as a goodbye, a permanent hole in her life. So why would she want his name? No, instead, she chose her mothers. She chose to wear the mark of a woman who gave everything she had to her children, who loved in buckets, who has always been there for Nina whenever she needed it. Even when engaged, Nina was adamant about double barrelling her surname, wanting to carry that important part of her life – a part of her family – with her even in a life started far far away. However, it’s more than just the love she has for her family. It’s a mark of her heritage too – designating her as coming from Latina heritage, something she is immensely proud of. Even when far from their roots, Nina was raised to have pride in and to embrace their traditions – for example, they’ve always spoken Spanish at home and they’ve always maintained ties with the local Latin American community within Foxcroft, few as they may be. Names are important – and Nina is proud of hers.

Date of birth: July 7th, 1992

Cancer: Deeply intuitive and sentimental, Cancer can be one of the most challenging zodiac signs to get to know. They are very emotional and sensitive, and care deeply about matters of the family and their home. Cancer is sympathetic and attached to people they keep close. Those born with their Sun in Cancer are very loyal and able to empathize with other people’s pain and suffering. The sign of Cancer belongs to the element of Water, just like Scorpio and Pisces. Guided by emotion and their heart, they could have a hard time blending into the world around them. Being ruled by the Moon, phases of the lunar cycle deepen their internal mysteries and create fleeting emotional patterns that are beyond their control. As children, they don’t have enough coping and defensive mechanisms for the outer world, and have to be approached with care and understanding, for that is what they give in return. Lack of patience or even love will manifest through mood swings later in life, and even selfishness, self-pity or manipulation. They are quick to help others, just as they are quick to avoid conflict, and rarely benefit from close combat of any kind, always choosing to hit someone stronger, bigger, or more powerful than they imagined. When at peace with their life choices, Cancer representatives will be happy and content to be surrounded by a loving family and harmony in their home.

How long have they been in Foxcroft: Nina has lived in Foxcroft on and off for her entire life – mostly on. Born and raised there, it has always been – and probably always will be – her home. It’s the place where she grew up and as such, contains a thousand different memories, many of them positive, most of them centering upon her family. That, however, wasn’t enough to stop her ambition. It wasn’t so much for a hatred of Foxcroft than it was a desire and determination for more that spurred her to leave it once she graduated. Indeed, she could have stayed on at Foxcroft community college – and was initally tempted to, wanting to stay close to her family - but it was her mother who persuaded her to stay on. You’ve dedicated your life to us, now go live it. With her blessing, Nina moved on, attending a college within state, but several hours away from Foxcroft. In truth, she never thought she’d be back – especially once she met her future fiancé. There was simply no need return for anything more than visits, especially as her siblings grew themselves. As soon as she found out she was pregnant – and with their wedding looming – they put a deposit down on a house, far far away from the place she once called home. Now, they would build their own lives – and she would be free for good. It all seemed so permanent then. It was only with tragedy and heartbreak that she found herself calling up the real estate agent and asking them to find her an apartment back in Foxcroft. Nothing short of the total loss she had experienced could have brought her back. She wanted to find both solace and security in a familiar place and people. Now, she thinks she’ll probably be in Foxcroft forever – and it’s something she’s coming to terms with.

Sexuality: Labels aren’t something Nina’s ever been particularly enthusiastic about. You can diagnose an illness, you can prescribe antibiotics, but you can’t pigeon hole love. When it strikes, it strikes – and you have no control over that. Although she’s only ever been in a relationship with men (a man, in fact, someone she once considered to be the love of her life), she likes to consider herself open to the possibility of engaging in a same-sex relationship, even if it’s not anything she’s ever actively pursued. In fact, since breaking up with her fiancé, she hasn’t been on any dates. There’s a small part of her that thinks no one will ever want her now, that she’s a bit broken – no good to anyone. So she pulls away, reluctant to engage in such intimacy, where she knows that one day, she’ll have to confess – and break her heart all over again. So, if pressed on the subject, she’d probably describe herself as heterosexual, just because it avoids questions and because based off previous experiences, that seems to be the best designation, but she considers herself to be more flexible than that. Based on the kinsey scale, she’d put herself at a 3.

FC change: N/A. I couldn’t change Lindsey…I just…I can’t.

MORE

How do you interpret this character’s personality? How will you portray them? Include two weaknesses and two strengths.

Description:

Brave girl, they whisper under their breath when they see her. The girl who shot for the stars, but fell towards earth. Many people would like to define Nina in terms of not who she is, but what she failed to be. They would like to call her phoenix – and talk about how she crawled out from underneath the ashes. They would like to pigeon hole her because of her loss, dictate the terms of it, and pinpoint exactly how it changed her. To a trained eye, it can be done, because it has.  But that isn’t the truth – not the whole truth anyway. The loss of her baby changed her, it burdened her with a grief she’s only just coming to terms with, rubbed away her soft edges. But it would be false to say that everything she is can be derived from that one moment. Nina isn’t a summary of one experience. She’s a product of her entire life – the good and the bad. The difference is, she’s always been drawn towards the former – and that’s all she’s ever allowed to shine.

Someone who has always been a beacon, a steady anchor to root yourself around, a permanent presence, Nina was made to be an Angel, a saviour of sorts. She would be fundamentally good. Self-sacrificing before she even knew what the term meant, she’s always been happy to put others before herself, drawing her strength from their happiness. At first, it was her family – the siblings she nurtured and protected, the brothers and sisters she orientated her life around – and the mother she counted as her best friend and closest confidante. Now, it’s her students, the young minds of tomorrow she so desperately wants to shield. She’s always been a little bit like that – an unseen shield, someone you may not even know is there. The ultimate mother figure and mom friend, she was constructed from concepts of kindness and compassion – and has always allowed them to shine through, being driven by their ideals. It is, after all, why she became a nurse.

And yet, despite that, you would be a fool for thinking that it made her delicate. She was never gentle, porcelain or easily shattered. She’s always been stronger than that. Hardworking and determined, she’s always known who she is and what it is she wants, confident in her identity. Even now, she isn’t some broken shell of a girl. She continues to be who she’s always been (that is, after all, why she had to break up with her fiancé, who treated her as if she were made of cotton wool), or at least, she’s trying to be. She’s not here for pity. That’s why she continued to follow the only dream she had left, determined to grasp something – even if it was the shortest of straws. Like a bird, she always wished to fly free, to escape Foxcroft and build something for herself, a life worth having, even if it was nothing more than simple pleasures, the most humane of human experiences. Nina has become a dreamer with her wings clipped, grounded to the dusty earth. But even then, she’s making the best of a bad situation, resilient in her force of mind.

Despite her efforts, despite gritting her teeth and burying her grief, she continues to be scarred by her experiences – albeit a mute one. Unable to speak out about what has happened to her, she feels a little trapped – rooted only by her singular desire to help others. Her pain has become a constant companion – one she’s learning to live with, one she’s trying not to let consume her. Never complaining, never wiltering, never faulting, she tries not to be haunted by the loss of her child – and the loss of the life she had wanted for herself. That will not be her story. She has more to give and offer to the world – and so she does, even if it is all of herself. Fundamentally, Nina is human. (Technically, no, but in who she is? Yes. ). She embodies the best of humanity, the versatility, the courage, the desire to better oneself, the care that is needed to rear another generation, the desire to put others first, to dedicate your life in their service. After all, what’s more human than that?

Character traits:

COURAGEOUS: not deterred by danger or pain; brave. Life is tough, but so is she. Even in the face of adversity, Nina has remained true to who she is, her goals and her morals, determined to remain who she is at that core. Doing that requires bravery and strength that isn’t found in every person, a characteristic that makes Nina truly Nina. She has always been strong, but now, there’s a newfound iron in her blood and manner to which she holds herself accountable.

ALTRUISTIC: showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish. Some people struggle to put others first – but not Nina. It’s been a defining characteristic throughout her entire life, beginning the moment her first sibling was born – and never fading, even until this day. Her choice of lifestyle and career means her concern spans far wider than blood – to close and weak bonds, to those she hardly knows. Pure-hearted and led with good intentions, every action is spurred forward by this desire – one she will never allow to fade.

STEADFAST: resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering. Faithful and loyal, Nina isn’t the type to give up on a person, on herself or something she’s put her mind to. Determined and resilient, she remains an ever constant, refusing to let her experiences shift her away from the person she knows she has to be. It takes all of herself that she has to give, but she’s immensely proud of herself for doing so.

PRIVATE: not willingly revealing ones feelings. Although she encourages people to trust and confide in her, she finds it incredibly hard to do the same. Always used to being the strong one for everyone else, she’s all but forgotten how to confess in others. Keeping her pain and her secrets pressed close to her heart, she’s somewhat of a closed book. She doesn’t intend to be – but it’s simply the way the world has made her – and she’s not sure if it’ll change anytime soon.

MELANCHOLIC: feeling or expressing pensive sadness. She wasn’t always this way. Even if she wasn’t the peppy cheerleader, she always had a ready smile to give her siblings, feeding off of their happiness and love. But that changed when her baby died and she was told that she could never bear children of her own. In that moment, her heart was twisted, perhaps beyond repair. Now, although she tries not to be and does her best to remain cheerful, she is plagued by a sorrow she cannot shake, a grief that penetrates down to the deepest parts of her soul.

STRONG-WILLED: determined to do as one wants even if other people advise against it. Steel-minded, Nina is not so easily distracted or dissuaded once she’s put her mind to something, even if that decision could be costly. As selfless as she is, that’s usually a price paid by herself. Whilst it’s admirable that she’s so willing to sacrifice herself or her happiness, it’s dangerous – especially in the wake of her newfound abilities. If she isn’t careful, that resolution of hers is going to get her into more trouble than she can cope with.

Personality analysis: X

How did this character react to the death of Hazel Abrams? Adam Foxcroft?

As someone who’s call in life is to patch and mend, any loss of life is tragic. The death of anyone, stranger of otherwise, gives her cause to pause, a moment to lament, to pay her respects and wish them a peaceful transition. But a death in such a violent manner? In many ways, that might be worse than slowly wasting away. Nina couldn’t claim to know either individual well. Despite them being of a similar age to her, they were nothing more than familiar faces glimpsed in the hallways at school, the figure at the back of her class, a facebook friend you accept and don’t think twice about again. Thus, their deaths did little to touch her personally. She couldn’t claim to truly grieve them, to be devastated, or forced to string the pieces of herself back together.

Hazel’s death happened soon after her return, within weeks in fact. Dutifully, she turned out for the memorial, lit a candle in the square, gave her condolences to Hazel’s family and did her best to honour her own dead child. It did, however, touch her life in different ways. She was suddenly a lot more aware of the town, the people in it and the potential for darkness it possessed. She sat down her siblings and explained to them about travelling in pairs. She herself kept her keys between her knuckles as she walked to her car at night. When her students came to see her, she would ask after their mental health, not just their physical bodies. With Hazel’s death, something in Foxcroft had changed. She was afraid, to think that someone so violent could live among them – that they would escape justice. When the case went cold, a chill ran through her spine. Over time, however, a new normality settled in. And then Adam Foxcroft died.

Whereas some were less chilled by his death, almost shrugging it off with explanations of Well, he’s a Foxcroft or he ran in bad crowds, Nina was determined to honour him the same, seeing only the loss of human life, not the caveats that came with it. Once again, she felt her heartbreak as her thoughts inevitably turned to her baby, lost before its time. And then, she went through the motions again – the funeral, the memorial, the warmest of touches whenever she saw anyone who she knew had cared for Adam. Their deaths have certainly increased her awareness – and she now founds herself being slightly bound to them by her encounter with Neil – and his status as the primary suspect. But, more than anything else, it’s made her more determined. With all this death and destruction, what Foxcroft needs, more than anything else, is someone to heal.

How do they see the town and its people? Think about the different groups of people and prejudices the town holds about them.

Nina’s never truly been one to divide the town up into its factors and cliques. She sees them as individual people – not the groups that they might belong to. There’s no bad guy group for her, or the good kids – they’re just people. That perspective comes from her own experiences more than anything else. Absorbed with caring for her siblings as a teenager, she mainly skipped out on the typical high school experiences, which included the part where everyone became typecast into their factions. Thus, uninvolved in it all, she never learnt to see people like that, in terms of the prejudices Foxcroft holds against them. And, as someone who considers herself to be not judgy at all, she likes to think that she never would. In terms of how people perceive her, many people might ask who? Slipping under the radar during high school and mostly keeping to herself, her profile was low – and Nina didn’t care about making a statement for herself. Too many things were important. These days, a few might know her as the girl who didn’t get away, or by her job description as the nurse. Nina definitely isn’t someone who has much of a reputation in Foxcroft, which allows her to stay above the in-fighting and drama – exactly how she likes it.

As for Foxcroft itself, it isn’t so much the small-town life she’s opposed to than the small town she found herself in. When pregnant, diamond ring on her finger, she had planned to move to a small-ish town, to raise her child somewhere safe, where there would be good schools. There is a certain appeal to the life of a small town, in its comfort and security – if you find the right place. Foxcroft was never that – and she recognised that, practically from birth. There was never anything particularly wrong with Foxcroft. After all, her upbringing was not damaged by the place she inhabited. Despite that, she dreamed of making it out, escaping and setting up home somewhere else. She knew, from a young age, that she had a future to be claimed – prospects far far away from Foxcroft. In an ideal world, her dreams would have whisked her away – and she never would have had a reason to return other than for Christmas and Birthdays. But life is cruel – and she finds herself back where it all began. She’s trying not to feel bitter about that, to not resent being pulled back into its clutches, attempting to make something of herself in the town, in her job and new-found state. But it’s harder than it seems. And Foxcroft, with all its mystery and murder? It certainly isn’t making her aspirations any easier.

For non-human characters: What does this character know about what they’ve become? Have they had any experiences that made them aware that weren’t exactly human?

She had never believed in ghost stories. Sure enough, she would dutifully take her siblings trick-or-treating on Halloween each year and celebrated The Day of the Dead with enthusiasm, but the idea that there was something else out there? Please. Her world was centered on what was either real or could be achieved. Her dreams were not plucked from the world of fairy tales, but concrete desires she knew she could make reality. After all, she always worked for everything she achieved – so the idea that there was something supernatural was, well, a little laughable. She liked to believe that there was something beyond death, perhaps a heaven, or a place she would see her child once again, but that was an afterlife – something beyond death, not something beyond humanity. So, needless to say, she was more than surprised at what happened the moment she saw Neil Monroe lying at the side of the road.

It was easy to initially write it off as a dream. It was late at night – she was tired, she couldn’t be sure that what was happened to her was real. One moment he was injured – the next, he wasn’t. That seemed like a figment of imagination to her. And yet, the moment she woke up the next morning, her back aching and scars etched into her skin, she knew, definitively, that it hadn’t been a dream. It was a living sort of nightmare. She studied her marks in the mirror for the longest of times, dressing them with cream to soothe and bandages to heal – grateful that she at least knew how to treat her injuries. (All the while not knowing that what had drawn her towards her profession in the first place was the very reason she could do such things). Trying to make sense of it all, she wrote down everything she had experienced in the grief journal her therapist gave her.

Neil Monroe was injured.

I touched him. I tried to help him.

Now he is fine – and it is I who is injured.

Those three facts seem crazy (and she can’t confide them in anyone), but they are true. That is perhaps the most terrifying thing of all.

Yet, even then, she wasn’t quite willing to admit the truth until she saw the headline news. Neil Monroe: found safe and sound. It was then that she finally admitted to herself that something had happened the night before – and that she had a part in it. Watching him leave Police questioning that day, without scratch nor bruise (whilst she herself was in agonising pain), she knew that she had healed him.

That night, she added a fourth fact.

4. I healed Neil Monroe by touching him. His injures became mine.

Then, she locked the journal in her top drawer.

She could never name what it is that she is, or fully admit that she might not be human yet (because what is more human than wanting to help people?), but she does have a running theory: that she can heal people by touching them – and that she herself will take on their injuries. Right now, she can’t be sure whether it was a fluke, whether it was Neil who did something (and not her) or whether it will ever happen again. She wants to test her theory, but she doesn’t know what it was she did or how to trigger that part of herself, so she’s a little wary of doing so. But, one thing she does know for certain is that if she can control it, if she can, indeed, heal people with one touch – then she will. She wants to help people, happy to offer up all parts of herself to do so. This allows her to do so. This is perhaps a gift. And such gifts should be used.

Please include 1-2 possible plots your see for this character

THE HEART OF A HEALER: Nina is only just beginning to scratch the surface of who she is and what it is she can do. She’s always been a healer, yes, but she placed her trust in medicine and science, knowing that faith enough is not enough to sow a wound back together. Now however, she can do that. Her hands are more than just the tools to wield instruments. They possess power in themselves. Over the course of this roleplay, I’d love for Nina’s arc to concern her exploring her powers. She needs to work out what she can do and what it means for her to do. The first step of this is probably going to be trying to talk to Neil about what happened that night and then having the experience repeated. Once she does work out what she is (even if she can never place a label on it) then the path forward becomes clear. She’s going to help people. In a town as bloody and broken as Foxcroft, there’s a lot of damage – and she can begin to salve the wounds. It won’t be plain sailing. These abilities will push her to the brink of possibility and force her to grapple with the fundamental question – can I heal without breaking myself? Where Nina is concerned, she’s happy to give herself up in order to help others. The question then becomes – will she pay the ultimate price for that?

THE TIES THAT BIND: Relationships are important to Nina – and play an instrumental part in defining who she is and her priorities. Therefore, I’m equally as excited to explore the different relationships in this roleplay, for Nina to interact not just with predetermined connections, but with everyone. I will say that in particular, I’m looking forward to exploring both Nina and Summer and Nina and Wells. I’m a sucker for familial relationships, so Nina having Summer is just so important. Each of them has been through so much – and they both need a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to at the end of a long day, to express themselves without fear of judgement. Summer is her closest friend – and she fulfils such an important role. Where Wells is concerned, they are one and the same. There are so many parallels between the pair of them, not to mention their status as Wyrths. Is there truly anyone that can understand the other like the two of them? They’ve both been through so much, lost people they love and can count grief as an old friend. Now, as they come to terms with who they are, they’re going to need the other as a shoulder to lean on, someone to confide in and perhaps – the truest of friends. In a sense, they’re almost like twinned souls, complementing each other. Exploring that – and watching it unfold – is one of the things I am most excited for.

WRITING SAMPLE

“This is a safe space. Anything you say here will remain confidential. You don’t need to be afraid. Look at the people around you – everyone is going through exactly the same thing.”

The group’s leader, their words calming and measured, did little to soothe her anxieties. Almost by instinct, Nina pressed her lips shut, burying her confessions where no one might ever find them. Eyes flickered from side to side, each person looking for the person who would speak up, who would break the tension that had fallen, who would bear open their soul. It was Nina’s fifth session – and she had done little more than state her name, occupation and bring doughnuts when it was her turn. I don’t mean to be so…useless, she once admitted, but I can’t give a voice to what happened either. Not yet. Grief takes time Nina. You are healing, bit by bit. So why didn’t it ever feel that way? Everyone said that time eased things and that the ticking of the clock was supposed to lift you up. But her heart felt as heavy as ever. Often, she blinked it away, forced the storm from her mind. As she worked, things would even feel normal (from time to time, when she didn’t see her baby’s still-closed, never-opened, blue eyes on a student, when she didn’t see the pregnant teacher walk down the hallway, blossoming). But then came the sorrow. Then came the remembrance. Nothing will ever be normal again.

“Nina?”

Firmly, she shook her head from side to side, offering an apologetic smile. She had never liked disappointing people, always happy to chisel off pieces of herself to put the world at ease. Until now, that was. “I’m sorry – I – not today. It’s been a long week.” Longer than usual. For whilst the touch of the grim reaper would so often blemish a smile, that wasn’t the only thing weighing down on her mind. When she closed her eyes at the dead of night, it wasn’t just a still not-wholly-formed body she saw, but a flash of rain and the blood of Neil Monroe. Sitting straighter in her chair, a shot of pain sent ripple waves through her body. Three days – and she hadn’t yet become accustomed to her new marks, the signal of change, of something new. Impossible to untangle, unable to make sense of it all, she prayed for them to heal. Perhaps then she could forget about it all. Somehow, she doubted it. It felt as if she lay on the cusp of the beginning – as if it was all only just about to begin. Absentmindedly, she wondered if they would scar – and if her body would come to resemble what her soul had become.

“Is everything alright?” A pause. “Other than the obvious, of course.”

She didn’t want to lie. That wasn’t who she was. Deceit and ill-intentions had never mixed well with her. She was far too simple for that, or so she had been. Just a girl who had wanted three simple things in the world – and who had the most important of them all stolen away. My life should have been so different from this. Even as she thought the words, she knew it was useless to wistfully wish for something that could not be. Never the sort of person to lose themselves in their mind, in hopelessness or in grief, she exhaled heavily, steeling herself for a response that would not appear to be so transparent. “It’s been a long week at work – that’s all.” People could always sympathise with that – assuming she might despise her job. For Nina, it was the opposite. She sometimes felt as if her job was the only thing keeping her anchored to the ground and hoped that by healing others, she might one day be able to heal herself. It was an idle, wistful thought, but she wasn’t sure what else to hold onto, other than that. Some people asked her if it was strange, to walk the same halls again. She would always laugh. I’m there more now than I ever was back then. How long ago her own high school days seemed, a time packed to the brim with family and hard work, with chasing dreams and endless possibilities.

“Of course. We understand.”

They did. Each person in this room had felt death’s touch one way or another. They all knew what it was to feel a piece of your soul torn away, to wake up and know that the person you loved was no longer in the land of the living. They lived in two worlds – the real one – and the one inside of their minds. “My daughter worked too hard as well.” A man to her side said that, his eyes wistfully turning over memories, smiling a little as he did. She wished she could reach that point, where she could think of her baby (someone she had been unable to name) and smile. But somehow, she doubted she ever could. For whilst these people had something to cling onto, an object, memories, something real – all she had ever had was potential. There had been her baby’s heartbeat at the first scan – how steady it had sounded. There was the first time they had kicked, just two weeks before they were lost all together. There was the time she had requested they (or, she supposes, he) be placed in her arms, wrapped in a blanket so you couldn’t feel how cold they were. But did that even count as a memory, if her child had been dead at the time? She had no wish to deprive the people around her of their memories. She only wished she had a few more of her own.

Ah, wishes, they’ll break your heart. Her mother had said that to her once, stroking her hair. Nina had never really believed in them, not really. She had never wished on shooting stars or when it turned 11:11 – and even donated her birthday cake wish to a sibling each year. I don’t need wishes to make my dreams come true. As it turned out, she would need a miracle.

Wasn’t that the worst, the most bitter of things? Whilst losing a person was bad enough, a child even worse – Nina had lost a part of her identity. Biology would deny her children to call her own, stolen her youth and all she had ever wanted.

No point feeling sorry for yourself. After all, you won’t let anyone. The pity of it all had been the worst. If at first she had crumbled, confined to her bed for days after the incident, she had quickly risen, biting her lip to prevent the pain, trying to restore normality to her life. I still have my two feet. I can stand on them. Her fiancé hadn’t understood that. At times, she wonders if he liked her weak. She asked as much the day she returned his ring. I’m sorry, but I can’t marry you. I can’t marry someone who looks at me as if I might break every time they touch me – because I won’t. I suffered a great loss – but I won’t let this be the story of my life. I still have more to offer, things to do.

And wasn’t that why she was in Foxcroft?

Maybe that’s what happened with Neil. It was a strange little voice that spoke, one that sought to question science and logic, that believed in the possibility of fate and destiny, that there might be a greater divine force. Maybe you healed him for a reason. It was the most human response of all, to search for clarity, for a why whenever uncertainty struck.

Nina wasn’t human. But she couldn’t have known that in that moment, nor might she ever. But in that moment, she certainly felt like one.

EXTRA:

How would you feel about this character dying?: I’m game for it. As much as I’d love to see Nina happy, I think that the true testament to her character is her willingness to put others first and in time, perhaps her readiness to sacrifice herself for them. Part of being a wyrth is grappling with the balance of saving others and saving yourself. I can definitely see Nina going too far one day, taking on an injury that ends up being fatal, or simply exhausting herself in the process. I’d love to know ahead of time – and perhaps collaborate on the circumstances of her death – but it’s definitely a yes from me.

Why did you choose this character?: I was torn between quite a few characters for quite a chunk of time – which is why I didn’t get this app in for the initial round of acceptances! But I think, for me, what really sold me was Nina’s strength. Fortified in the face of adversity, Nina is someone who has endured heartbreak and the weight of the world. She knows what it is to hope and dream – to come so close – but, in the end, to lose. And yet, despite that, she hasn’t given up. She remains who she always has been, a beacon of strength, an anchor, someone who is willing to dedicate everything about themselves to the service of others. I’m such a sucker for characters who have had the world thrown at them and who emerge stronger on the other side, the phoenix type characters, if you will.

Extras:

Mockblog: X

Headcanons:

Signing up for private therapy a few months ago, her therapist made several suggestions. One was to attend a grief group session – which she’s done, remaining silent in each one. The second was to find several coping mechanisms, ways to honour the past without truly letting go, in a way that would help her to define her future. Taking on their advice, she’s done this in two different ways. The first is through a tattoo. Inked in the space between her chest and her shoulder, where few will ever glimpse, there’s a single bird, a dove – small, childlike, standing with its wings open, as if it could take off at any moment. One bird for one child, a way of ensuring that her baby would be there at all times, even if it isn’t in the way she wanted. The second is through a headstone. Miscarrying at nearly six months, her child was more than a bundle of cells. They had limbs, a heart, fingers and toes. They had a form. It only seemed right to honour that human life, even in death. Thus, one of the last things Nina and her fiancé did was to bury their child, in a graveyard not far from where they both attended college. Although it’s a several hour round trip, Nina tries to visit the site and lay flowers every three months. She’s not sure if these two methods help her cope – she supposes that she won’t know until they do help.

Coming back to Foxcroft in a fragile and emotional state, Nina clung to the familairty to help her through it. Although she knew she couldn’t move back into the old family home (she loved her family, but both parties needed their space), she moved as close as possible, in an apartment just a ten minute walk from their home. She spends as much time as she can in her families presence – helping in whatever way she can, with group projects, cooking, telling stories – anything that makes her feel close to them. In a weekly tradition, Nina spends every Sunday with them. Now that her siblings are slightly older, they take turns with the cooking. One week it’s her mother, the next it’s Nina and the third all three siblings band together and make something edible. After stuffing themselves, they spend most Sunday afternoons playing old banged up card or board games, or watching re-runs of the same films on TV. Having always adored her family, she’s happy to spend time with them, glad to be close to them once again – even if it came about in the worst of circumstances.

How did you find us?: My friend Jade recommended you to me!

[yumikat]

rip here we go bois. was tagged by @kwamimusings (yeh bud) i’m very canadian so i changed all the “favorite”s to “favourite”

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 like 2 because i’m lazy amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name: let’s go with Yumi

Nicknames: see above. idk y’all can make nicknames or smth??

Zodiac Sign: gemini

Height: 6′4″-ish

Orientation: i sexually identify as an attack helicopter (jk i’m straight)

Ethnicity: chinese

Favourite Fruit: i would kill a man for an orange slice. vitamin c flows through my veins. 

Favourite Season: winter. snow. yes.

Favourite Book: ohhhh boy. i will still have to say the original pjato series, though harry potter and lunar chronicles are really good. 

Favourite Flower: what. 

Favourite Scent: this will sound weird but i like the scent of my friends. also butter frying smells reaaaaally good

Favourite animals: cattens are life. though wolves and marine life are pretty cool too. 

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa: sauce me my tim hortons iced capp

Cat or Dog Person: did i say i love cattens because cats are my life

Favourite Fictional Character: there’s a lot of those. let’s go with homestuck characters - tz, dave, vriska, roxy are up there. 

Dream Trip: ??? uhhh hiking the lotr scenery in new zealand or driving up to the northern territories to stargaze with mes amis

Blog Created: octoberish 2015?

Number of Followers: 134

What I Post About: whatever’s on my dash + my art. (typically homestuck, voltron, ml, and dumb posts)

Do I get asks on a regular basis: naw son

Aesthetic: stuff that is aesthetic is like really nicely lit photography with good contrast levels, but my aesthetic is like idk neons/pastels/rainbows and crap. i guess idk. 

Hogwarts House: HUFFLEPUFF PRIDE!!!!! WE HAVE NEWT AND WE’RE BETTER THAN YOU 

right so i wasn’t sure if i was supposed to do the next part but i’ll just put a cut right here because it’s getting long

Rules: Write 92 rules about yourself, then tag 25 people. who even knows 25 people

LAST ___:

Drink: watermelon juice at a hot pot place Phone Call: probably my mom????? Text message: i don’t have a phone but last IM thing would be a group chat with some girls from church Song you listened to: no idea let’s say the heathers soundtrack Time you cried: i teared up for logan

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Dated someone twice: “Kinda need to date someone once to do it twice.” -aaron Been cheated on: “Again, kinda need to have ever been in a relationship in order to be cheated on.” -aaron Kissed someone and then regretted it: “Can’t regret it if you’ve never kissed anyone. (Insert picture of guy tapping his temple here)” -aaron (haha single squad) Lost someone special: no, luckily Been depressed: i don’t get affected by much so no Gotten drunk and thrown up: i’m. underage. 

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: turquoise is a blessing to this planet, maroon is pre nice, black is the colour of my soul but it doesn’t count, so there are certain shades of pink that are pretty nice, even though i’m a non-conformist. 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU _____: Made new friends: ya bud new girl in the ib fam and some kool kids here on tumbs Fallen out of love: *insert joke about the bitterness of school* Laughed until you cried: @mrs-linny-universe remember that post with the googly eyes Found out someone was talking about you: no...? Met someone who changed you: i think everyone you meet changes you, because if you never met them then you would be a different person completely and the path of your life would have diverged (is that enough bs yes it is let’s move on) Found out who your true friends are: what does that even mean it sounds omnious Kissed someone on your Facebook list: wat. (actually, yes. i peck my friends on the cheek all the time)

GENERAL: How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. i keep getting friend requests from friends of friends in edmonton and it confuses me because do i know you? no.  Do you have any pets: i had a crested gecko named charlie but he died Do you want to change your name: no? What did you do for your last birthday: i think a movie with my friends.  What time did you wake up: 9:30am here, 6:30pm back home. heck yeah time zones What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping lol i only slept 3 hours during the 20-something hour travel time. 

Name something you cannot wait for: for ib to be over and for hiveswap to come out When was the last time you saw your mother: she’s beside me right now hi mom What is something you wish you could change about your life: i never really thought about it?  What are you listening to right now: parents/aunt/uncle/grandparents chatting Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah man. every time i see him i say hi to him but he’s neurodivergent so he never really replies Something that is getting on your nerves: vpn is slow but it’s better than not talking to my friends for 2 weeks.  Most visited website: email and tumblr Elementary: classified High school: classified, but it’s a private school and we have hoodies with our uniform which is pretty nice College: i’m still in high school rip Hair colour: black. i’m asian.  Long or short hair: got a pixie cut a few months ago, i always grow it out really long and then chop it off again Do you have a crush on someone: i guess??? What do you like about yourself: arty art Piercings: naw son  Blood type: idk but mosquitoes love me and i hate mosquitoes Nickname: we’ve already established this Relationship status: married to @seokgis​, in a side relationship with @thelifeditch (jokes i’m single) Zodiac sign: we’ve already gone over this Pronouns: she/her  Favourite TV show: idk i guess ml or voltron for animated and stranger things for live action? i don’t think about this much.  Tattoos: underage lol Right or left hand: right

FIRST ____: Surgery: naw son Piercing: lol Best friend: first bestie i remember is this girl named sharon back when i was like 3-7 i think.  Sport: mom forced me to do swimming but i really liked skating before i was too inflexible Vacation: does immigrating to canada count, bc then i think it was the time my friend dz and i went to capilano Pair of trainers: i think this means either bike trainers or what british people call runners but i still don’t get what the question is asking so sure?

RIGHT NOW ___: Eating: just ate an orange. they are my lifeblood Drinking: i literally never drink liquids it’s so bad for me (but yeah i just drank some oj and i’m laughing because i didn’t even realize) About to: sit here and waste time on tumblr, maybe do some tok, probably sleep because we’re going to leave for the airport at like 3-something-am for the chinese tropics or smth Listening to: we’ve done this let’s move on Waiting for: i live in the moment. *snickers and breaks down in laughter because the real answer is i have no idea* Want: sleep, maybe? i always want to sleep. also, like aaron, i would like a hug.  Get married: like i said, i’m already married (jk i’m still in high school, but yeah i would like to get married in the future) Career: “your high school career is very important” - said no one ever (or maybe it’s everyone ever, who knows)

WHICH IS BETTER ____: Hugs or kisses: hugs Lips or eyes: eyes  Shorter or taller: like think is for ppl im interested in right. taller, then.  Older or younger: older would be less weird? Nice arms or nice stomach: arms? i ain’t spending time looking at ppls’ stomachs Sensitive or loud: what.  Hook up or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: lemme just ask WHAT ARE THESE QUESTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Kissed a stranger: naw song lol Drank hard liquor: what defines hard liquor, because i’ve sipped some like really high percentage alcohol but i don’t drink. Lost glasses/contact lenses: rip my contact lens just fell out of my eye once.  Turned someone down: um i don’t think so? Sex on first date: SHEILD MY INNOCENT EYES YEESH I’M 16 I PREACH ABSTINENCE Broken someone’s heart: idk about broken, but maybe Had your own heart broken: nope :) Been arrested: i’m too young for this Cried when someone died: no one really close to me has died so no Fallen for a friend: haha everyone i’ve fallen for has been my friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ____: Yourself: yeah? Miracles: if i didn’t i would have to not believe in Jesus (awkwardly phrased but i think you get the picture) Love at first sight: if you see someone and you just “fall in love” then that puts love lightly. i think that love is something really serious and needs to be developed.  Santa Claus: i’m too old for thi-- JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING Kiss on the first date: depends on who Angels: yaaa. again, comes with my faith (i hate phrasing stuff like this because it makes it sound trivial but i honestly don’t know how to say it)

OTHER ____: Current best friend’s name: i have several Eye colour: brown Movie: oooooh boy. i love lotr but i’m also that one person that loves every single movie, even the ones that every say sucked. proof: i absolutely loved suicide squad. i’m also a cinematography nerd but i just fangirl over the shots and never really think about them lol

okay i tag everyone who read this to the end and the people who i mentioned earlier because i’m really lazy 

[kendrixtermina]

Oldham Personality Styles/Traits Test Results

(Clicky Clicky)

For comparision, here’s my results from other typology systems: INTP (LII-Ne), 5w4 sp/sx (548), RULAI, Chaotic Neutral, Lunar, Melancholic, Ravenclaw, Horned Serpent

Idiosyncratic types are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others and particularly sensitive to how other people react to them. They tend to question common beliefs and expectations. They are highly spiritual and do not close their minds to any possibility, always asking what if?' They tend to have a deep inner life, act eccentrically, and live in their own world. They may be interested in the occult or the supernatural and are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking. Fitting into everyday, conventional life can be difficult for Idiosyncratic people. Others may view them as strange, which can be a problem in jobs and relationships. They must live life their own way and sometimes regret they cannot do things in the orthodox fashion. The pressure to conform presents intolerable stress for them. Two key factors affect the quality of Idiosyncratic lives: whether they can find an accepting environment and how well they adapt to others' expectations. Few work settings tolerate eccentricities of behavior, unless the individual has a great deal to offer by way of intelligence or talent. Some Idiosyncratics do well with one ear tuned in to their own personal worlds and one outward to what the boss expects of them. Others, however, have a hard time understanding or accepting authority. Idiosyncratic people do not need other people to give their lives direction or meaning. If they can't find partners who accept their unconventionality, they usually do well on their own. Some are content to experience several relationships in their lives without necessarily finding their one and only.

Everything except the superstitions bit (I’m actually an atheist), though I did have an esoteric phase in my teens and enjoy mythology and random speculation (as just that, stories)

Solitary types have little need of companionship and are most comfortable alone. They do not need interaction with others to enjoy life. Self-possessed and self-controlled, these individuals are alone because they want to be alone, not because they feel left out. Free of the passionate need for others, they can be quite content standing back and watching others. Indeed, they are often gifted observers of nature and of other people. Emotionally, highly Solitary people are even-tempered, calm, dispassionate, unsentimental, and unflappable. They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure and are not driven by sexual needs. They are not greatly influenced by either praise or criticism. They function well at work. They get down to work quickly and don't spend much time fraternizing at the water cooler. While they usually do not do well within the political framework of larger companies, when left alone to do their work, they can put their mind to it with unusual concentration. Solitary individuals can be content within relationships as long as their partner accepts their need for solitude. However, even moderately Solitary people may not intuitively comprehend others' feelings or respond to their emotional cues. 'You don't love me!' is a common lament of partners of Solitary people. The more the partner pushes for emotional reactions and a depth of intimate feeling, the greater the stress on the Solitary person. To cope, he or she will retreat. The partner would be better off recognizing signs of caring that are different from the usual I-want-you, I-need-you, l-love-you's.

Ugh that last paragraph, that exact same relationship problem. I don’t often hear the concept of “So introverted even your loved ones sometimes stress you out” in a way that doesn’t conflate it with misanthropy. Like I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or ignored (thats a horrible thing to do) but im not good at this. 

I wouldn’t describe myself as self-controlled or good-at-work (probably due to other traits in the mix) though I can concentrate when the time & subject are right. (otherwise im more on the distractable side tho. or it depends on what it is.) I distinctly remember taking some test/assesment and getting a high score specifically for concentration, i think it was the highest overall (the lowest was motor function. 11 year old me could not catch a ball to save her life.)

As a child or teen I would often start reading at noon and be so concentrated on the book I’d fail to notice the passage of time until my mom came in to get me for supper and asked why I hadn’t turned the light on. 

I don’t think I’m unflappable at all but again it depends on what and the situation and i dont really know what others see, like, I obviously know I have feels but its my own head. 

Serious types are solemn and not given to emotional expression. They are realistically aware of their own capabilities but they are also aware of their limitations. They are not tempted by vanity or self-importance. They hold themselves responsible for their actions. They=re thinkers, analyzers, evaluators, ruminators and will always play things over in their minds before they acting. Serious individuals anticipate problems and when the worst happens, they=re prepared to deal with it. Serious individuals are realists. They see the hard, harsh nature of life clearly. They have no illusions and are incapable of imagining a silver lining. They are no-nonsense people particularly suited to hard times, when their ability to push on can help everyone to survive. They always work hard and provide for others without any sense of heroism or pride in their efforts. Even though they can seem joyless, Serious types are not necessarily unhappy. They take great satisfaction in their view of the universe. They are interested in serious subjects, which they find reassuring, and they find no need to escape into pleasure. Serious people are intensely hard workers, dependable, and trustworthy. They persevere whether or not they are enthusiastic or well rewarded. This can make it all too easy for employers to take advantage of them. They do not expect encouragement or to be treated well by others. Although they are not socially outgoing, once they do connect with others they form very stable, long-term attachments. They tolerate the rough spots in relationships well. They are as critical of others as they are of themselves, but their fault-finding gives them no pleasure. They deeply regret causing any pain . Others who continually insist that they change into optimistic outgoing, happy-go-lucky people cause them great stress but their characteristic cynicism helps them to cope.

ARGH  that “I’d rather see the world as it is than sugercoat it for feelgoodsyness” thing can be so hard to explain to people. I try to be realistic about my abilities & place in the world and aspire toward realism. (and when I’m already stressed out optimism will only serve to make me feel pissed or misunderstood. Unfortunately my mom is the exact opposite, leading to a few regrettable outbursts and isunderstandings, though not major ones. )

The work ethics part doesn’t really apply tho.

Conclusion: Ugh I am such an INTP 5.

I also scored somewhat high for ‘Leisurely’ (Fuck authority sweetheart ~ ) and ‘Vigilant’ (Yay self-sufficiency, though it’s more a horizon to strive for than something I’ve fully realized yet)

That was the 14 trait model tho, the 16 trait one also has this:

Artistic

·                   Mood swings. Shifts from a moderately upbeat, outgoing, creative character to a withdrawn and sullen depressive one. When in a high state, they can be highly productive, original, humorous, and engaging. During a low state they become self-absorbed, pessimistic, apathetic, and may resort to substance abuse. The mood swings happen regularly in cycles, are similar to bipolar (manic-depression) disorder, but not as extreme in the polarity, and also the mood changes in the Artistic personality are usually more so the result of within the person and not triggered by external circumstances.

·                   Artistic inclinations. People of this style often involve themselves in some sort of creative output. They may go into a state of inspiration where artistic production is strong then fall into an apathetic daze, where it becomes difficult, almost unbearable to create art. Since they have a grasp on many corners of the human personality, they have an advantage at expressing the nuances of a particular viewpoint. Many of the world's great artists have had this character style.

·                   Unpredictability. They may take up new plans, jobs, residences, etc. out of impulse. They despise routine and love improvising, stimulation, and new experiences.

·                   Feeling-oriented. Their impulses and feelings control their lives and dictate their appearance and decisions. They rarely make decisions through a systematic, logical follow-through approach but instead base it on their current mood.

·                   Relationship difficulties. Relationships can be trying for these people. They may become promiscuous, unfaithful, or difficult to handle.

·                   Low self-control. They have a difficulty saying "no" to themselves with their appetite. They may go on shopping sprees, binge on food or drink, give into sexual compulsions, etc. Afterwards, they may feel guilty about it and restrict themselves from pleasure.

·                   Shaky self-confidence. Can swing from delusions of grandeur and superiority, and feeling very confident in oneself, to a loss of self-esteem and hopeless despair.

Aaah now here’s a place for my inner emo child and inner gushy nerd fangirl to find a home. I’d wedge it in lower than ‘Idiosyncratic’ but higher than serious. It actually coexists with the above stuff surprisingly well (It’s called “TiNe” or “5w4″)

On the positive, this personality test is the first (except maybe Divergent, but the tests do give me Erudite nearly as often as Candor depending on how absolute the questions are worded. ) to refrain from outright calling me a NEEERD.

So, thanks oldham? 

Also, now I know the precise kind mad I might end up as if I happened across severe trauma, brain chemistry goof-ups or lovecraftian abominations (Please let it be the latter). That is one interesting tidbit of information.