#Luke always raises his father hopes even in the middle of a “lesson” from the Emperor

[marvelstars]

Interesting how Vader keep seing different futures until he got to the one of ROTJ and the choice he took there which was the one that became a reality.

Love how disdainful is Vader over Palpatine´s obession with weapons, he´s honestly offended in the force behalf.

[alabasterswriting]

A Thousand Answers

Because I need more Anakin and Leia content, and I will fill that tag with my own two hands if I have to.

You can find it in AO3 format here, if you prefer that:)

Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She calls to him just once, reaching into the Force with the hesitance of a child and the determination of a grieving mother, and his response is immediate. Standing before her, a shimmering blue spectre of the past. He waits, giving her the courtesy of control. It’s kinder than the one he gave her in life.

He’s not what she expected, achingly young and handsome instead of the blackened monster of her nightmares. She’s not sure whether it helps or not, to see what was. The man she came from instead of the beast she knew. She supposes it doesn’t matter. A fresh body does not a fresh start make, and she doesn’t intend to give him that start. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She’s not the forgiving type and she has the feeling neither is he.

She hates the similarity, but it makes it easier. They know where they stand.

“I have a question for you,” she says. Her gaze rests on the horizon, unable to look at this man who looks so much like her brother and her son, with her chin and her countenance.

He tilts his head, the Force rippling around her with the sensation. “I figured you might.”

Yes, he did, didn’t he? He knew what happened. What she’s lost. How could he not? The dead see all, and all that philosophical shit that never did her any good. “I have tried, for weeks now, to figure out what I did wrong. How I could have made a difference,” so that I didn’t lose him. “And I realized, that no matter what I did, nothing made any sense. I couldn’t change anything because I didn’t even know anything was wrong and I just—” she stops. Swallows her words. Pushes the deluge of emotions to the side and takes a breath. She’s rambling. Rambling to a monster, a man she despises; calling out to a beast for the comfort a father should give to his daughter and hating it.

She takes another breath. A question, she has one question and that’s it. “I need to know. What was it for you? What happened to you? I couldn’t help him, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help you, and I’ll be damned if someone else ever has to face this ugly pit I’ve found myself clawing through. So tell me. What was it that happened in your life that was so bad you turned yourself into a monster?”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. Mulling it over, perhaps. Or maybe trying to find all the problems he’d faced and gift it to her as an excuse. She wonders if she’ll buy it. If it will somehow fill the black hole that’s mawed through her chest and give her some semblance of comfort.

How far she’s fallen. Looking for comfort from a monster.

He shifts above her. He’s too tall and she’s too short, and sitting on the ground gives her no favors in this regard, but the Force paints a picture in her mind of his movements as he drifts along the physical world to sit beside her. He’s not close. He wants to be, but he knows she wouldn’t appreciate it. They’re too alike and she knows that down to her marrow.

It’s a comfort that she doesn’t want, but takes anyway. A monster remembering his humanity.

“Do you want the truth, or a history lesson?” He asks. His voice is soft and boyish, so different from the booming mechanical bark in her memories.

She snorts. “I never liked history. It’s biased and painted over far too often by victors looking to rationalize their crimes.”

He nods. She can feel it like a warm breeze against her cheek. “True. We share that sentiment.”

“And yet you did it anyway.”

He shrugs. “As did you. History is written by the victors and you are a victor.”

“Your answer,” she states, because their victories were not the same and his history a figment of a blackened mind.

He stares at her. It prickles the hair along her neck and pulls her in until her gaze has drifted from blue skies to blue eyes. They’re electric and sad and commanding from one General to another. “My answer? I could give you a thousand answers, Leia, and none of them would be enough. There are no explanations I can give that would give you the answer you want, and there are not enough reasons in the galaxy to excuse what I did.”

“Then why? If there are no reasons, then why? Why did he—” no. 

“I said that there were no reasons to excuse it, not that there were not reasons at all.” He leans in and she despises how much comfort it brings her. How warm he feels in the Force, for all that it soothes her because if a monster like Darth Vader can be that warm then surely there’s hope. “But I made a choice, Leia. I did. Not Obi-Wan. Not your mother. Not the Jedi or Palpatine. Me. Just as your son made his choice. Whatever part you played in his reasons are not an excuse for his actions, and wherever he goes from here are up to him.”

She swallows. It’s acid in her throat and a pressure behind her eyes. She hates how he can pick her apart to find the truths she hides from herself. The blame she’s trying to place. She searches his face for something -- anything that she can grab hold of and use to pull herself up from the depths she’s fallen into. “Can he come back? Like you?”

He smiles. It looks like Luke. It looks like her. It looks like her son. “Anyone can come back. It’s just a matter of wanting to.”

“And if he doesn’t want to?”

“Then that’s his choice.” He raises his hand to brush aside the tear on her cheek, before thinking better of it and bringing to his lap. She’s not sure why that hurts. “You can’t make his choices for him.”

“Then what can I do?”

“Fight. Hope. Keep him in your heart and remember who he was even when he forgets, then get up and move forward. You can’t go back, Leia, and you can’t force him to be someone he doesn’t want to be.”

Her throat is scraped raw as she says, “It hurts.”

“It does. But if there’s anything I know about you, it’s that you don’t give up when there’s still work to do.”

“Learn that from the Force, did you?”

He smirks. It’s lopsided and reminds her of a puppy. “Actually, I learned that from a young girl who lied to my face after being caught blatantly performing treason.”

“Yes, well, treason seems to be my middle name.”

“Hm, Leia Treason Organa. Catchy.”

“Fits better than Leia Amidala Skywalker.”

“I don’t know. I’m quite partial to that one.”

“You don’t get to be partial to it. She doesn’t exist.”

“No, I guess she doesn’t,” and it aches, somewhere inside her and inside the Force that that’s true. But the Force isn’t kind, and neither is the past, and Leia Organa has never had the luxury.

“Your mother would be proud, at least. Both of them.”

Her mother, the Queen of Alderaan, who wiped away tears and taught her strength, and her mother, the Queen of Naboo, who loved her despite never knowing her.

“And my father?”

He smirks. It’s sad, twisted with the knowledge of where they stand. “Immeasurably.”

“I don’t mean you.”

“I know.”

But he is. And she did. A little. She’ll give him this, and allow herself the fantasy.

Leia Organa does not spend long in fantasies. She shutters her gaze and pulls back. “Will you help him, then, while I’m off committing treason? Talk to him, or whatever it is dead people do in the Force.”

“I can’t talk to him, Leia. He won’t listen.”

“He might.” She’s not a fool. She knows how her son took Darth Vader into his mind and twisted him into an ideal to strive for. He may not listen to her, with all that hatred and resentment she still doesn’t understand, but he may for a man he thinks he wants to be. “He idolizes you. He wants to be you. And I hate you, but I love him, and if a man like you can come back, then maybe he can too.”

“He has to want it first.”

“So tell him that. Make him want it.”

“Not quite how it works.”

“Luke made you.”

“Luke was a catalyst,” the ghost stresses. “But wanting, Leia. No one can make you want it, except yourself. Because wanting it means accepting you were wrong. It means accepting that all your rationalizations were just that. I means taking responsibility for what you’ve done, and that is significantly harder than just deciding to be good. It’s seeing what you were capable of, taking in all that horror and monstrosity, and accepting it. No one can make him do that, Leia. Not even me.”

“He idolizes you.” “He idolizes my mistakes. He idolizes my shame and horror and regrets. He doesn’t want Anakin Skywalker. He wants Darth Vader, and one does not exist without the other.”

And her son will not accept that. The knowledge stomps the pieces of her heart into powdered glass and she turns away. “So you can do nothing. You are just as powerless as I.”

For once. For the first time. The one time she wants him omnipotent and he’s all too human.

He nods, despondent, with her heartbreak in his eyes. “I can watch him for you. I can be a hand on his shoulder. But I can no more bring back your son than Obi-Wan could bring back me.”

“He has to do that himself.”

“Yes.”

She nods once, pulling together the shavings of her heart and gluing them together. It’s depressing how good she’s gotten at doing so. “I understand. Watch him, then. If no one else can, then...watch him.” Care for him, she wants to say. Love him. No one else will at this point and he will not let her in to do so. 

He softens. The Force of him wraps her in a warm blanket and she thinks he understands what she can’t say. “I will.”

I’ll care for him, she hears. I’ll love him, until he lets you back in to do it yourself. 

A promise of love from a monster shouldn’t bring her such peace, but if her family is to be made up of monsters and men and gods, then perhaps it’s time she learned to embrace it. She’s spent her whole life running from him and his legacy, and it’s only brought her pain.

Leia bows her head. Not forgiveness, not benediction, not even acceptance, but a chance. Recognition for the man he was and the man he’s trying to be again. “Thank you, Master Skywalker.”

Anakin smiles, like a puppy that has since grown old, and returns the gesture. “Always, Master Organa.”

And he’s gone, as if he was never there in the first place. A hole in her life. But the Force is warm around her, waiting for her to reach out again. She’s not sure she will. She’s not sure she wants to. But the choice is nice.

An olive branch should she ever decide to take it.

Around her, the world pulls back into focus. Naboo roses, fragrant and sweet, waft in from the garden and the crystal waters glimmer under the sunlight. It’ll be dark soon. Already, the air is beginning to chill.

She gets up, picking up her skirts and ambling back inside. There’s work to do and an uncertain future ahead.

Her son made his choices. It’s time she made hers.

[xlostinobsessionsx]

Good Girls are Bad Girls that haven't been Caught | Luke Patterson

Pairing: alive! 1995! Luke Patterson x fem! Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 4,038

A/N: A big thank you goes to @bass-ic-deaky for proof-reading and making this fic much more vibrant! 💖

This fic is based on "Good Girls" by 5 Seconds of Summer.

Masterlist

Luke and (Y/N) knew each other since they were kids. They had been neighbors since childhood, so it wasn’t uncommon for them to be playing with each other in their adjoining backyards most days. But time went by and slowly they got older. On his 8th birthday, Luke had gotten a guitar and quickly realised his dream of becoming a rock star. After meeting Alex Mercer and Reggie Peters in middle school, the dream slowly became reality. Sunset Curve was born. (Y/N), on the other hand, took on violin instead. 

As time passed, they slowly began to grow apart. One would describe Luke’s style of music and dress as more rock n’ roll grunge. (Y/N), however, looked the total opposite, elegant, poised, which could also be heard through her playing throughout the neighborhood. (Y/N) listened to classical music and took ballet lessons while Luke continued his guitar lessons and went to ice hockey practice. It seemed like after all this time, the two had nothing in common anymore.

Now they were in high school and they barely knew the other existed anymore. The only times Luke saw (Y/N), even though they were still neighbours, was when they ran into each other in the hall or if they just so happened to leave for school at the same time, which these days was very rare. (Y/N) was quite the early riser, and was often already off on her way while Luke was still lying in bed half asleep. Though they had two classes together, they hardly spoke to each other. It was as if their friendship before this had meant nothing.

Sometimes Luke missed the old days. Back then, (Y/N) didn’t seem too different from him. He could still remember them sitting in his treehouse, sharing gummy bears and listening to an old Led Zeppelin album. Now all she ever seemed interested in was studying. But even despite their different paths, they talked to each other from time to time. Their parents, on the other hand, were still very close. Occasionally they met at one of their homes, cooked together, talked about their jobs and even more so about their kids. Luke had learned from his parents that (Y/N) planned to go to Harvard once they graduated. Of course, when they told him that, he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He knew his parents wished he had the same or at least similar plans for his life. But Sunset Curve was finally starting to take off. After they played their first gig at a small bar in L. A., more and more bars and clubs were willing to let them perform. Luke had loved rehearsals before, now they were even more fun, especially knowing that they’d get to perform their new songs in front of more people than just Bobby’s parents. Bobby became a part of the band when he moved to L. A. four years after they had formed. With Bobby’s arrival the band not only found a rhythm guitarist, but also a place to rehearse. Before that, they had to rehearse in Reggie’s basement, between boxes and useless junk. Then of course his parents constantly fighting upstairs didn’t make for the best working environment.

Whenever Luke fought with his parents and just needed space to clear his head, there was no better place for him than a small shed in Bobby’s backyard which they had affectionately dubbed their studio. The words from his parents still rang in his ears as he pulled out his bike, guitar case slung over his back. 

“Why can’t you be more like (Y/N)?! She has good grades and a bright future at Harvard!” His mother had wailed.

“Being a rockstar is not a realistic goal, it won’t bring you any money or stability.” His father tried to convince him.

Every time it was always the same. Luke jumped onto his bike and made his way through the backyard towards the gate, when he stopped in his tracks. In the corner of his eyes he could make out a dark figure, running through the yard next to his. At the end of the driveway, he could make out the lights of a car, shining through the trees and the figure running towards it. When the figure finally came into the light, Luke could finally see who it was. She turned around, taking one last look at the house behind her before she opened the car door and got in before promptly speeding off into the darkness. Who did (Y/N) just leave with?

--

Luke was tired the next morning. Despite spending the night in the studio, far away from the trouble with his parents, the young guitarist hadn’t slept a wink. His mind was racing with thoughts of (Y/N) and the mysterious person she had left with. During their lunch break at school, he told his band members of the encounter. “Wait, you mean to tell us that (Y/N), the definition of the perfect daughter, snuck out?” Bobby asked in disbelief. 

Luke nodded. “Yep, got into a car with someone. Can’t say for certain who it was.” The eyes of the four guys wandered to said girl, who was sitting with her friends at a table not far away from their own. 

“I’ll dip into the school gossip and see what I can find out. I’ll deliver the goods.” Alex smirked. And deliver he did at their band practice later that day. “So you know Tori, the girl who sits next to me in chem class and never shuts up? She told me that she heard from one of her friends, who was told by one of his friends that (Y/N) was spotted with Brandon Jones in the back of the library.” 

“Brandon Jones?” Luke asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Alex nodded “Yeah, the captain of the football team who always drives a really expensive car.”

“How do they even know each other? Isn’t he usually on the brink of suspension?” Reggie asked curiously to which Alex shrugged. 

“Well, well, well, seems like your little (Y/N) likes bad boys, Luke.” Bobby laughed, while throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders. 

Luke quickly shrugged it off with a grimace. “She’s not my (Y/N).” He snapped. “It just surprises me that she sneaks out to meet him. That doesn’t sound like her.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you know her so well after barely talking to her for years and only making eyes at her from afar.” Bobby countered. 

“I’m not making eyes at her!” The guitarist defended himself much too quickly to be believable. Back in the day when he still was friends with (Y/N), he may have had the tiniest of crushes on her. Luke had to admit that (Y/N) was indeed very beautiful, but he most certainly wasn’t making eyes at her as Bobby had suggested. 

--

A few days passed. Luke sped through the house looking for his jacket so he could get going to band practice, which he was already running late for. “Mom, Dad. I’m going to Bobby’s” He shouted through the house, hoping his parents had heard him. Finally finding his jacket under his bed, he shrugged it on as he made his way through the kitchen. 

He was about to open the back door, when his mom appeared behind him. “Don’t you have a french test to study for? (Y/N)’s father told me about it.” Emily looked expectantly at her son, arms crossed over her chest. 

Luke rolled his eyes and turned around. “Yeah, that’s why I’m going to Bobby’s. We’re gonna study together.” He lied convincingly. 

Emily nodded slowly, a bit skeptical. “(Y/N) studies every night alone and gets good grades. Maybe if you would just concentrate more, you could study alone, too.” Emily suggested. Luke laughed silently. (Y/N) studying every night? That was rich, if only her parents really knew their daughter. 

Luke mentally shook his head out. “Sure, but Bobby is better in french than I am. So he can help me. Work smarter not harder, isn’t that what they say?” He shrugged. 

Emily looked at him thoughtfully. “You could study with (Y/N). She’s nearly fluent in French now.” 

Luke nodded, a slight laugh escaping his lips as he opened the door. “I’ll think about it, alright? Now I really have to go!” He quickly said and made his way outside, slamming the door behind him. He couldn’t be late, after all Sunset Curve was playing another gig tonight. Luke took his bike from its spot against the fence and made his way towards the gate to the front yard when he suddenly saw a figure out of the corner of his eye again. Her hair was flowing in the wind as she quickly made her way through the darkened yard only this time instead of just watching, Luke went after her. Before (Y/N) could reach the car that was waiting for her behind the trees, Luke touched her shoulder. Startled, she let out a yelp of surprise as she spun around. “(Y/N)?” 

“L-Luke...hey.” She laughed nervously. 

“What are you doing out here?” He asked her confused, he was half expecting her to be up in her room studying like the perfect little princess she was. 

(Y/N) clasped at his wrist and pulled him behind the trees, out of the sight of her house. “Don’t you dare tell my parents about this!” She hissed at the guitarist through gritted teeth. 

Luke laughed. “What? That their little princess is sneaking out?”

“I’m not a princess!” She angrily countered. 

Luke shook his head “Nah, you’re right, you’re clearly the living definition of a goody-two-shoes. Such a good girl, eager to please.” 

(Y/N) rolled her eyes “You clearly forget everything you thought about good girls.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?” 

Suddenly a voice interrupted both of them “(Y/N) you’re coming?” Brandon Jones, cool as ever with a cigarette poised elegantly between his lips, sat in the car beside them, looking with raised eyebrows at the girl in front of Luke. 

(Y/N)’s gaze wandered between the two boys “I gotta go.” She murmured as she opened the car door. But before getting inside she paused and turned to Luke again. “Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught.” She winked as she got into the car immediately rolling down the window. “Now be a good boy and just turn around and forget about this encounter, alright?”. With that, she sped off leaving the guitarist standing there dumbfounded. Luke shook his head in disbelief, what had just happened?

When he arrived at Bobby’s, (Y/N) words were still running laps through Luke’s head. He was quick to tell the rhythm guitarist about the encounter. “‘Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught’.” Bobby murmured. 

Luke nodded. “That’s what she said. Sounds pretty rad don’t you think?” He looked at the other guitarist who nodded in agreement. “Yeah...” Suddenly it was extremely and rather awkwardly quiet. “Do you think that they-” Luke started.

“Are seeing each other?” Bobby finished his friend’s question, the lead guitarist nodding in confirmation. “Would it matter?” 

Luke shrugged. “I mean, I just don’t want her to see her being pressured into something she doesn’t want to.” 

Bobby laughed quietly. “OR you just don’t want her doing anything with Brandon.” 

“Okay, I am definitely not jealous!” Luke countered, shaking his head.

“I never said you were, but now that you mention it…”

“Oh shut up...besides I’ve barely spoken to her in years!”

“But people don’t really change that much!” Bobby countered. 

Luke huffed dramatically. “Well she did!” 

“I don’t know about that, bro. Sneaking out? Doesn’t really sound like the (Y/N) we know from school.” He paused a moment. “The (Y/N) you knew when you were younger, the one you’ve told me about, that’s her down to the letter.” He shrugged as rose from his spot. “But enough about this. We’ve gotta go pick up Alex and Reggie. Otherwise we’re going to be late!” Luke quickly nodded, grabbing his guitar before following Bobby outside. 

The club was completely packed with people. Luke could hear the audience’s chattering from backstage. “This is so cool!” Reggie excitedly said after taking a look through the club. “There are so many people here from school, too!” 

Luke took a deep breath. Adrenaline was starting to course through his veins. He could practically hear his heart beating in his chest as the band made their way onto the stage. He blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the spotlights. His gaze drifted down through the crowd in front of them as they quickly set themselves up. Suddenly he stopped. At the back, right next to the bar, there she was standing. Their eyes met and a small smile played around her lips. Luke laughed to himself quietly before taking a step closer to the mic. “We’re Sunset Curve!”

After their gig, Luke made his way through the crowd. Everytime someone patted his shoulder to tell him how good they were, she nodded thankfully but his eyes always stayed fixated on (Y/N). When he finally stood in front of her a giggle left her lips “Good show, Patterson.” 

He smirked, leaning against the bar. “Thanks.”

“Just like we imagined when we were kids.” She slightly bumped against his shoulder. 

The guitarist felt his heart beat faster at this. Nervously he rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess.”

“So that’s what you’ve been up to all this time...?” She quietly asked, her gaze drifting through the crowd. Luke nodded in reply. “And soon you’re gonna be famous!” She smiled suddenly much more excited. 

Luke laughed “I think that’s still a long way off. What about you? What’ve you been up to?” He asked her curiously. 

“Oh, you know violin and ballet lessons, the usual. I haven’t told my parents yet that I’m sick of it!” She nonchalantly took a sip from her coke and looked at him. 

Luke furrowed his brows, he was genuinely confused. “I thought that’s what you liked? I mean you got your violin around the same time I got my guitar.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “I practically begged my parents to get me an electric bass so we could form a band but they got me a violin. Said it would be better for me.” 

Luke was surprised at those words. “A band?” He saw (Y/N)’s cheeks taking on a pink shade. 

She shrugged. “Like Led Zeppelin.” Suddenly ‘Whole Lotta Love’ started to blast through the speakers of the club. (Y/N) laughed “That’s creepy. Like they’ve been listening to us talk about it.” 

But Luke barely listened to her. Instead he had been transported back to 1987. He had just found the old Led Zeppelin EP in one of his dad’s boxes he kept into the attic. He had immediately called (Y/N) to meet him in the treehouse. They had been listening to the songs when suddenly (Y/N) had told him about her best female friend (Y/F/N), who had told her that she had kissed Fynn, a boy from their class. “Like a real kiss? On their lips?” Luke had asked with wide eyes. He, of course, had asked her if she ever had kissed a boy on the lips. (Y/N) had admitted that she had never. In her childish recklessness, or could it be her boldness, she had told him that he was the only one who she would have wanted to kiss. Luke remembered how nervous he had been, when (Y/N) had leaned in, ‘Whole Lotta Love’ playing in the background when their lips touched but for a short second. 

Luke looked wide-eyed at the girl in front of him, who didn’t know the memory that was playing in his head at the moment. His gaze fell from her eyes to her lips. Maybe Bobby had been right. Maybe (Y/N) hadn’t really changed that much and maybe he still had those feelings he had for her when he was smaller. He quickly shook his head. He couldn’t have those thoughts. (Y/N) was here with someone else. “So where’s your shadow?” He asked, referring to Brandon. He turned to the bar to order a coke. 

She sighed “Having a smoke.” 

“Already missing him?” He laughed. 

(Y/N) huffed, slightly annoyed. “Yeah, sure.” 

“I thought you were a thing?” Luke asked, turning to her again. 

(Y/N) furrowed her brows “Who told you that?” 

“Nobody. I just thought because you always sneak out to meet him and because you’re here together…?” He shrugged. 

(Y/N) laughed. “No, I mean it’s fun to hang out but I would never...I mean...he’s a player and only plays with girls.” 

Luke looked at her amused. “So you’re just hanging out with him for the sake of hanging out?” (Y/N) nodded. 

“I was just tired of everything. Of my life. It seemed like a good escape, you know? But now...it’s really hard to make it clear to him that nothing will ever happen.”

“Just be careful, alright? I don’t think he’ll let you get off the hook so easy.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “Soon he’ll get tired of me and look for someone else.” 

“And what about you then?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and turned to him, something obviously weighing heavily on her mind. “Luke, I-” She started, but before she could finish her sentence they were interrupted as an arm found his way around (Y/N) shoulder. 

“I’m back.” Brandon smirked, eying Luke suspiciously. 

“Hey Brandon.” Luke smirked, annoyance evident in his gaze, before turning to (Y/N) again. “It was nice catching up, (Y/N). See ya around.” With that he made his way through the crowd, trying to stop himself from thinking about (Y/N).

--

Days passed. Once again, Luke barely saw (Y/N) apart from their classes. He was sitting in his room, writing down the lyrics to a song that had been stuck in his mind for days, when suddenly the doorbell rang. He ran down the hall of the family’s ranch style home and was met with her beautiful eyes, when he opened the door. “(Y/N)! So good to see you!” Emily greeted with a big smile, appearing behind Luke. “Come on in.” Luke stepped aside to let the girl inside. With a questioning glance, he looked to his mother. “I called (Y/N)’s parents to ask if she could help you in french. I think that would be better than having to go all the way to Bobby’s, right?” 

Luke nodded slowly “Uhm, yeah. Sounds good. Uhm, we could go into my room?” He suggested, looking at Emily. 

His mother nodded “Yes, but leave the door open. I’ll bring you some snacks.” 

Luke nodded in agreement and turned to (Y/N). “Shall we?” (Y/N) nodded in reply and followed him down the hall to his bedroom. “Take a seat, I guess.” He pointed to the chair in front of his desk as he took a seat on the bed. “What are you doing here?”

“Helping you in french.” She laughed. 

Luke nodded slowly, a sly, teasing smirk appearing on his face. “And, uh, is Brandon alright with you hanging out with me?”  

“Who cares?” (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the mention of his name. “Right after your concert I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“As I already told you, at first it was just an escape but...he wanted to do more the entire time and I just didn’t want to...at least not with him.” She laughed. 

Luke looked at her, a playful glint in his eye. “Not with him, huh? So someone else has caught your eye then?” he laughed. 

(Y/N) shrugged, casting her glance downward. “Maybe. But that won’t happen, so…” 

“Why not?” 

(Y/N) sighed, nervously keeping her gaze trained to the ground, before looking up at him again. “Luke...you see...I know we haven’t had that much contact over the last few years, but...I wish it was different and I’m sorry. I thought...well I had hoped...“ She paused, inhaling deeply. “Maybe we could start over? Being friends again?” She asked, hope evident in her voice. 

Suddenly Luke felt his heartbeat just a tiny bit faster. “Friends?” He croaked, before clearing his throat. “You mean like back in the day?” 

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah, and uhm maybe…” She nervously played with the necklace around her neck. Luke’s eyes drifted to the pendant. It was the necklace he had given her when she had turned seven. Inside it he had put a picture of the both of them. (Y/N) eyes softened when she saw what Luke was looking at. She took the chain from around her neck and slowly took his hand, placing it in his palm. She looked expectantly at it before looking up at him. Luke opened it and found himself looking at his and (Y/N)’s younger selves. In the picture he had his arm slung around her shoulders. Both of them were smiling brightly. 

Luke sighed as he smiled at the memory of that day. “I had a little crush on you back then.” He admitted quietly, staring at the toothy grin of her younger version. 

“You did?” (Y/N) asked. 

He nodded, his eyes never leaving the picture. “I was so sad when we stopped talking, but it...it had just happened, right?” 

“I wish it hadn’t...I uh...I had a crush on you, too.” she murmured. 

Luke laughed quietly, the pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place. “So if we want to go back to how it was then…” 

“You would have a crush on me?” (Y/N) smiled hopefully. 

Luke shrugged. “Maybe I still do.” He felt his cheeks heating up as (Y/N) clasped at his hands. 

“Maybe I still have a crush on you, too.” 

Luke’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. His eyes met (Y/N)’s and he couldn’t stop his smile from growing wider if that was even possible. “Just maybe?” He asked cheekily, as he slowly leaned in closer. 

“Alright, so definitely.” (Y/N) giggled as their lips connected in a tender kiss. 

--

“Please, you have to come!” Luke whispered into the phone in the kitchen where the landline was. It was already dark inside the house, his parents already having turned in for the night. 

“Okay, fine. But you tell my parents that you have a good influence on me the next time they see us.” She laughed through the speaker, before hanging up. 

They met behind the trees at the back of their yards. He leaned in to greet her with a short kiss. “I missed you.” He murmured, hiding his face into her neck. 

“We just saw each other a few hours ago.” (Y/N) laughed. 

“That’s so long ago!” He countered as Luke got onto his bike and looked expectantly at (Y/N), who stood on the tire spokes behind him. “Hold on tight!”

The venue was filled with people dancing and chattering. (Y/N) followed Luke to the side of the stage. “Stay here so you’ll have a good view of the stage and that way I can see you, too.” He said, looking at her with a wide smile. 

“Knock ‘Em dead, rockstar!” She beamed at him, leaning in to give him a good-luck kiss. 

“Alright, enough of that lovebirds. We gotta go!” Bobby laughed, interrupting the cute moment pushing Luke toward the stage. 

Reggie smiled at them. “Look at all the people! It’s gonna be sick!” 

Alex shrugged nervously. “I hope they like us...” 

(Y/N) smiled at the other band members “You’re gonna rock this, I’m sure of it!” She hugged them and wished them good luck, before the band went onto the stage. 

Luke’s gaze immediately fell to his girlfriend, who gave him a thumbs-up. He winked at her before getting closer to the mic. “Hey, we’re Sunset Curve, thank you for having us.” The crowd erupted in cheers. “Thank you.” He laughed “We directly wanna start with a new song. It’s inspired by a person who means the world to me.” His gaze fell to (Y/N) again, who was smiling at him. “It’s called Good Girls/Bad Girls.”

“She said to me forget what you’ve thought, cause good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught.”

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 46 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

This lesson’s got two locked chapters that I can’t unlock :’)

D takes them to the casino where they meet Mammon in the Lamp event outfit. When he laughs and tells them that they must have forgotten who he is if they think they can take the money MC ignores all of this to ask him wtf he’s wearing. Mammon blushes and tells them that they have no right to criticize what he’s wearing considering what they’re wearing. Then he says also Lucifer wtf happened to you!? He laughs and teases Lucifer about getting shrunk and how he could accidentally step on him and kill him rn or how Beel might eat him as a snack. I saw someone say that Mammon was a little shit who was also BabyTM and like Yess!??? I love when we get to see more of the asshole side of him specially when we already know how soft he is. Man’s an onion :’) Beel says he wouldn’t do that unless Lucifer hid inside a piece of cake and Beel swallowed him whole without realising. Lucifer, off screen: “You’d better realise I was there!” And Like??? That’s the point Lucifer wants to argue? Not the fact that he wouldn’t hide inside a cake? Mammon says whatever and that he’ll take Lucifer from them so he can have fun with his new toy anyway RIP to Mammon who dies after this lesson. “Mammon, Avatar of Greed, Appears”- gonna have Pokemon Battles from now on, I can’t believe this what this dating sim has evolved into :D Mammon uses wind to lift Lucifer up and bring him towards him. MC has a flashback to the previous night and commands Beel who transforms into a demon and whose body starts moving on its own, Beel then cancels out Mammon’s spell and uses a wind spell to send Mammon flying. Beel transforms back to his human form and is shocked by what happened. Solomon says MC did a good job commanding Beel though they weren’t able to draw out all his powers. They get the armour, which Beel thinks is too flashy but MC tells him it looks great which he is happy about. D tells them about a rumour of Satan attacking a town up north.

As they walk through the woods Lucifer talks about how much he’s gonna love beating the shit outta Mammon when he’s back to normal and waves MC off when they ask him to go easy on Mammon. Beel says that Lucifer used to be a lot nicer to Mammon in the celestial realm and how the two of them would team up to go argue with Raphael. Solomon asks if it was Diavolo who got Lucifer to change and what exactly Lucifer had to do to reach the status they now enjoy in the Devildom. Beel seems shocked at this and ask Lucifer if it’s true. He says he doesn’t remember. There’s growling & they’re suddenly surrounded by ghosts. Solomon: Oh yeah lol this is called the Black Phantom Forest. Everyone else: WHY the FUCK didn’t you say so before!? They run from the ghosts and set up camp beside a lake, MC & Beel talk. Beel says how they’ve all changed from their time in the Celestial Realm and he can’t remember when he stopped resisting the urge to constantly eat. But how somethings are still the same and how the brothers have always been together and how they always will be. He brings up the three things the butcher said to maintain a long relationship and how even though they may sometimes falter at the “respect each other” part when it comes down to it the brothers have all three things with each other (Not me sobbing like a baby. It’s the found family trope for me guys). Beel says how he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to fight Belphie if they meet him in the game and how he has so many people who he loves that he doesn’t know who to put first and that he knows many people would kill to have that kinda problem and that as both an angel and a demon he’s being lucky to have the people he loves. MC gets to hold his hand, lean on his shoulder or say nothing and guys I love Beel so much he’s just so pure god. Okay so theory part: I 100% believe (& it’s implied in canon and in the chats too) and the main reason Lucifer is so mean to Mammon now is because he’s scared if he doesn’t discipline him then Diavolo will and he’ll end up with another Lilith situation. That being said I NEED to know how Lucifer came across Mammon in the celestial realm and what he said to make Mammon so loyal to him. PLS om! Give me the boys backstory? I like to think Lucifer raised Mammon the same way Simeon is raising Luke and that’s why you can see some of Lucifer’s traits in Mammon whenever he becomes serious about something and why Mammon sometimes slips up and calls Lucifer “Dad” and why Lucifer becomes so happy about it. I also think the others would have been older than Mammon was when he first met Lucifer, when they eventually joined the family which is why they share far less traits with Lucifer and why (as far as we know) none of them have called Lucifer ‘dad”. If this is true it also brings up a real interesting dynamic between Satan and Mammon that would be useful when writing fics. You know a little deeply buried resentment and envy about Lucifer having been more of a father figure to Mammon than to the person who is technically his actual son, and since we know for a fact that right after arriving in the Devildom Lucifer starts going through an existential crisis and Mammon’s the one who steps up to look after the others I 100% believe Mammon’s the one who did most of the work in raising a newly created Satan and who taught him how to control his anger so well (cause lets be real it definitely couldn’t be any of the others) which also gives backstory to Satan’s “do you think Mammon’s actually the most decent of us” homescreen comment and more importantly adds spice to the relationship dynamic you can work with in fics.

When they wake up Beel is thankful that they didn’t get eaten. Solomon: not like you would have noticed with all the fun you had *wink wink* Lucifer: wtf Solomon:*WINK WINK* Me: bro they were just talking…  they find out game time and real world time pass differently and come across a treasure chest in the middle of their path. Solomon: Lets open it! :D Lucifer: Expect that’s definitely a trap… Solomon: Exactly! Which is why we should open it! :D MC: Lets open it! :D Lucifer: Why is the entire human species so fucking stupid!? Why were you created without any self preservation!? Who approved this!?  They find medicine, a warding bottle and cat ears. …They put Lucifer into the bottle and Lucifer’s really going through it in this huh. But opening the chest pulls up an inescapable battle with the final boss, and Satan pops up fully immersed in the villain role with an evil laugh and everything. Luci asks MC to use something from the chest and they use the cat ears and Lucifer’s disappointed when they actually work. But it only deals 222 damage to Satan’s 870k HP. Satan paralyses them all and steals bottled lucifer and calls Belphie to finish the others off. I can’t remember if I mentioned this before but how did the brothers know that Lucifer was gonna be mini before they even got home, it would’ve had to be quite a bit in advance for them to so perfectly set up everything… And you know Solomon was really determined to open that chest (I mean so was MC but the whole of season 1 was establishing that their curiosity was gonna get them killed) so…

MC tells Belphie they don’t want to fight him and Belphie says he doesn’t want to fight either but at the same time Satan agreed to give him mine lucifer for a whole day if he defeats them. Beel’s still reluctant and Belphie says Beel doesn’t have to worry cause Belphie isn’t the same small/weak person that Beel always had to protect (and holy shit I need more info on this too?). Beel eventually agrees and says that Belphie’s strong, he tells MC that they weren’t able to use his entire power against Mammon cause he was holding himself back unconsciously but that he was ready now. MC makes Beel do a bunch of wind attacks and they defeat Belphie who’s impressed. Beel says that the magic was actually MC doing it not him (even though he was the one that executed it). Belphie says he’ll join their party if MC promises him that he’ll be allowed to poke at mini luci. MC tells him there’s a damned line and he’ll have to wait his turn. Solomon wonders if MC should be going around giving the right to annoy lucifer to others but also he wants that right too. Even though Lucifer was kidnapped since he’s still in the bottle he’ll be protected so MC’s test is still ongoing. Odd that there was a bottle that would protect Lucifer should he get kidnapped in the chest that was a trap… look we all know Solomon is shady enough that he’s probably behind this right?

During dinner at a tavern the twins are sickeningly soft with each other and Solomon watches them with a smile. For the night the twins end up sharing a room with each other, with Mc and Solomon alone together. In the middle of the night MC wakes up to Solomon still up and looking sad. They ask him what’s up. He says despite how much they walked he still isn’t tired and that seeing the twins together made him lonely. Seeing how much they love and care and understand each other and how they were always together made him wish he had something similar but how when you didn’t age it was difficult to from lasting bonds like that in the human world. MC tells him that all of them care about him and he says he hopes so. Solomon: Lol just the two of us in a room in a game, wouldn’t it be crazy if we made out? MC can either kiss him or kinda stare awkwardly. If they choose the second he apologises for suddenly putting them on the spot and says he won’t try anything else. So this might be kinda an unpopular opinion and I’m genuinely really happy that the side characters are getting more screen time and development because I desperately needed that but I’m not really onboard the romancing option with them? I’m happy they’ve got their own cards now and I love the devilgram stories and romance options in them but I don’t think it makes sense in the context of the main storyline? Barbatos has almost no interaction with MC and though they haven’t shown it yet it’d be weird if he was suddenly into MC. Diavolo spent 2 whole seasons simping over Lucifer why is MC suddenly an option? Besides Diavolo always seems so lonely and I really want him and MC to be really good friends, I want Diavolo to have a friendship where there isn’t some condition that hangs over it like there is with his relationship with Barbatos and Lucifer. The same goes with Solomon. I just want him to have a good solid friendship where there isn’t expectations or power between them. He also initially only seems interested in MC for their power and as a way to train them and eventually genuinely softens up to them, Just the request to kiss seemed outta nowhere? I don’t know why but with Simeon he seems above crushes? I always imagine him seeing MC as another cute kid Lucifer picked up (despite MC being an adult) and having a sort of soft indulgent attitude towards them. I don’t know I think I just want MC to have some friends who aren’t trying to sleep with them.

Solomon is extremely chipper the next morning and Belphie grumpily makes a comment about him having fun and sdfjdvnsjdokd they just talked. Belphie uses his magic to teleport them to Satan’s castle and Beel asked why he couldn’t do that the previous night, Belphie says grumpily cause then Solomon would have missed out on the fun and Solomon agrees and THEY JUST TALKED!? Satan has managed to transform Lucifer into wolf Lucifer and is shaking his bottle hard enough to make Luci wanna puke while Lucifer asks him to stop. MC tells satan to stop and he tells them they won’t be able to defeat him cause they skipped right to the boss battle without taking the long route and levelling up. MC says they’re not gonna fight him cause this whole thing is fucking stupid. Satan says it’s not cause he’s having fun. MC gives him one of their free therapy sessions about how important the bonds between he and his brothers are and how they don’t care more about helping the brothers all get along than some stupid star. Beel comes out spitting facts, saying they all know that Satan actually cares about Lucifer and how that embarrasses him and how he needs to stop hiding it by lashing out. And how Lucifer needs to get his shit together and be honest with satan. That he needs to tell Satan that Lucifer knows he’s his own demon and a really good demon at that. Lucifer says FYI but I never said you weren’t your own great person and Satan blushes and says that unless he wants to look childish he has no option but to accept the olive branch. He tosses Luci to MC. Belphie complains about having stupid older brothers and Solomon says he’s disappointed in Satan and reveals himself as the true secret final boss and FUCK YEAH! I CALLED THAT SHIT! Kinda – I thought he might have just given them a heads up about Luci’s condition. On a different note, Satan needs serious therapy. They all do tbh.

Solomon congratulates MC on what they’ve done so far but says they still haven’t accessed Beel’s full potential and that he’ll give his ‘adorable apprentice’ one more shit at it. Solomon summons Asmo who complains about how long he was made to wait and how he nearly gave up and went to the spa and that no one likes a selfish man. Solomon tells Asmo that he can tell him all this after they get back to the real world and I genuinely want the backstory of how they met and just more about their relationship. At Solomon’s command Asmo uses charm and paralyses Beel and at MC’s Beel uses another wind attack. Asmo says he’s never seen beel do something of this calibre before and he seems more powerful, even more than he was in the celestial realm, Asmo yells at Solomon for just standing and seeming impressed instead of helping him. There’s a bright white light.

Back home with everything back to normal Beel, Lucifer and MC are hanging out by the pool. Lucifer is in an unexpectedly good mood and MC has earned a star, which glows slightly from its place on the symbol etched to the back of their hand. Inside Solomon is feeding the other brothers as punishment. Mammon is sobbing his heart out and Levi is out cold (possibly dead). Satan is given Levi’s remaining share of food and Asmo is in tears. Belphie had made a run for it the second they got home and is nowhere to be found. Solomon talks about how nice Lucifer actually is and how he really loves his brothers cause he just made Solomon make them dinner instead of punishing any of them…. Love that the canonical reason why none of these demons tell Solomon about his food and allow themselves to get tortured is cause they don’t wanna be rude and hurt his feelings. And he thought no one cared about him. If that isn’t love I dunno what is. Beel and MC take a walk while Lucifer sits by the pool and in his words basks in “their screams of agony” While blushing beel says he’s grateful for what happened and how that star is proof that they got closer. Mc can either thank him or say that the star belongs to him. I think they kiss after the second option? For the first Beel says MC’s the one who did the work of drawing out his power. Over the echoing screams from inside Beel asks if they feel like they forgot something and ndfjkfjkdjfefjkn THEY FORGOT DIAVOLO I’M!!!!???? poor baby

[clumsyclifford]

hello!!! so i would be very interested in a fic based on all i want to hear you say by sea girls??? i know i’m promo ing them a lot but i think it could be a good fic concept??

you know what’s wild meg is i have had this prompt in my inbox for fully almost seven months and i was just reaching a point where i figured i would never write it. and then i did. so there’s your lesson in never deleting a prompt am i right

thank you @allsassnoclass for your invaluable feedback i love you

read it here on ao3

-

Calum only sees it because he has Luke’s Twitter notifications turned on, although if Michael asks, Calum doesn’t even know Luke’s on Twitter.

@LukeHemmings Tweeted:

missed u manchester!!

At which point he does the only logical thing: he excuses himself to the bathroom in the back and hyperventilates for about five minutes. And then he does a second, decidedly more idiotic thing.

“...Hello? Calum?”

“Hi, uh,” Calum clears his throat. “Hi. Luke.”

It is Luke on the other end. Somehow he hasn’t changed his number. Not that people typically change their numbers after only a year, but Luke is different. Luke is famous now. Not like Calum, whose band has been playing this bar since he was old enough to drink here. Since they were old enough. 

Calum wonders what would have happened if Luke had never left. Maybe the band would have gone somewhere. Now he’ll never know.

“Calum,” Luke says. It might be wishful thinking, but Calum is pretty sure he sounds happy. “What’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

Yeah. Since Luke moved to London. Well. Since Luke got cast in a play in the West End and relocated in less than a week. Calum knows exactly when they last spoke was, and not only because there’s a time stamp on the text messages. Luke’s play — okay, the play Luke is starring in — had been a smashing success, and after he’d left Calum on read three times in a row, Calum had gotten the unsent message loud and clear. 

He’d thought they were the kind of friends distance could never conquer, but apparently he’d been mistaken.

Now he’s not sure what to say.

“Yeah, sorry,” he manages, awkwardly chewing the inside of his cheek. “It’s, life got busy, you know, uh, you know how it is.” Duh. Of course he knows how it is. He’s fucking Luke Hemmings. If anyone’s going to understand life getting busy, it’s Luke. “I just, I saw you were in town.”

“Oh, yeah,” Luke says, laughing a bit. “I am, yeah. I should’ve called, my bad.”

“No, no,” Calum says quickly. “It’s — no worries.” Lucky I’ve got you on Twitter notifs, isn’t it, he doesn’t add. “How long are you here?”

“Just the weekend,” Luke says. “I go back on Monday.”

It’s out before Calum can stop himself: “D’you want to have lunch or dinner or something?” He swallows. “While you’re here?”

Someone knocks on the bathroom door. “Calum?” Michael. Fantastic. The last person Calum needs to hear from right now.

“Give me a minute!” Calum says, kicking the door. He winces. “Sorry. Mi— I’m, uh, possibly hiding in the bathroom. During my shift.”

Luke huffs a laugh. “I’d love to get lunch or dinner or whatever,” he says. It doesn’t even sound like he’s lying. Then again, this man is nominated for an Olivier. He could convince Calum he was interested in diving into an active volcano.

(He certainly managed to convince Calum that he was interested in him, so Calum should probably know better by now.)

“You could come to our show,” Calum says, because he’s petty. Or a fucking masochist. It’s possible to be both. “The band, I mean. We have a gig on Saturday night?”

“Oh!” Luke sounds surprised. Probably because he hadn’t anticipated the band staying together after he’d left. This isn’t fucking Take That, Calum thinks bitterly. Maybe being famous has gone to Luke’s head more than Calum had originally thought.

Except then Luke says, “Shit, I’d love to come to a gig. I’ve missed you lads. You want to get dinner before? After? What time is the gig?”

And Calum’s right back where he started: hopelessly infatuated.

“Gig’s at six, so yeah, dinner afterwards,” Calum says. He shifts nervously on his feet. “Don’t get excited. Our venue hasn’t changed.”

“Still the pub?” Luke sounds fond. “Aw, I miss that place, though. I’m looking forward to coming back.”

You don’t need an invite, Calum thinks. You can just show up.

That might not be true anymore, though.

“Sure you can handle it?” he says drily. “I mean, you’re not worried about crazed fans?”

Luke laughs awkwardly. “In a cheap bar in Western Manchester? Think I’ll be okay.” Calum’s trying to work out whether that’s a subtle dig when Luke adds, “Look, I’ve gotta run, actually, some — press things, but, uh, I’ll be there at six.”

“Great,” Calum says. “Fantastic. See you then.”

“See you then,” says Luke. He hangs up. Calum puts his phone in his pocket and stares judgmentally at himself in the mirror.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he mutters, rolling his eyes and turning away to return to his job. 

— 

The fucking A string is fucked up. Calum has been trying to tune his bass to no avail — no matter how much he turns the tuning peg, the tuner won’t declare it a clear A. “Michael,” he says sharply, “my bass won’t tune.”

Michael materialises, his guitar slung over his shoulder. “Because you’re turning the wrong fucking knob,” he says. Calum looks over at his fingers. 

Oh.

“Oh,” Calum says embarrassedly. He moves his fingers and tunes the A string, then moves to the D string, which has gone completely flat thanks to Calum’s mistaken fiddling.

“You’re all nervous because Luke’s coming,” Michael says, shaking his head to let Calum know exactly how he feels about that. “Stop worrying about it. He didn’t give a shit about the band when he was in it, he definitely won’t give a shit now that he’s out, alright?”

“Not helping,” Calum says, glaring. “And that’s not fair to Luke and you know it. He cared about the band. What was he supposed to do, not accept a life-changing opportunity?”

Michael just rolls his eyes. They usually avoid discussing Luke. It always ends with Michael disparaging his name and Calum jumping to his defence, with Ashton stuck uncomfortably in the middle. Ashton had only been in the band about two weeks before Luke left — he’d never gotten the chance to know Luke. Calum also suspects Ashton just doesn’t want to get involved, because it had been clear to anyone in the room during rehearsals that Luke loved it. Calum doesn’t blame him for leaving. 

Just because he misses Luke like a lost limb, doesn’t mean Calum holds it against him.

“Whatever,” Michael says. “Long as he doesn’t try to rejoin.”

They could use Luke in the band again, but Luke’s more likely to dive into that active volcano than ask to rejoin the band, especially if Michael’s got that look on his face. “Yeah, Mike, I promise I won’t let the Olivier-nominated Luke Hemmings rejoin our band if he asks,” Calum says flatly.

Michael makes a face. Calum makes one back. 

“Boys,” Ashton interjects, sensing the tension lifting. “Less flirting, more setting up, please?”

Calum immediately throws an arm around Michael’s shoulders and grabs Michael’s head. Michael doesn’t protest when Calum smacks an exaggerated kiss to his cheek, because he’s amazing and the best friend ever. “But father, I love him.”

Michael clutches Calum melodramatically in return. “You can’t keep us apart, Ashton! You’ve been against intra-band love since the very first, but Calum’s the only man for me!”

And then he dissolves into giggles, taking Calum down with him.

“I can’t fucking stand the pair of you,” Ashton says, grinning wryly down at them.

“Someone’s jealous,” Calum snickers. “Mikey, I think Ashton wants in.”

“Hey, Luke’s here,” Ashton says. Both of them jerk upright like soldiers called to attention. “Sure, Luke can get you to behave and he’s not even in the band anymore, but when I ask it’s like talking to a wall? I see how it is.”

Michael kicks at his cajón. “Fuck off.”

Calum tries to turn subtly without looking like he’s turning. Sure enough, Luke is standing at the bar, chatting with Alex who’s behind it and preparing a drink. Probably a tequila soda. That had always been Luke’s order. He glances over at the stage and catches Calum’s eye.

Calum might as well be a year younger for how it still feels to meet Luke’s gaze.

This isn’t the Luke that left a year ago. Calum hadn’t expected that Luke. The news feeds have provided him with both mental and literal images of this new Luke, Luke Hemmings of the stage. Swanky clothes. Longer hair. Gone are the lip piercing, the ratty snapback that used to hide what Luke deemed “bad hair days” as if his hair ever looked different, the beaten trainers. If Luke looked worse, Calum would feel better.

But Luke doesn’t look worse. He just looks good in a different way. In fact, he looks better. More importantly, he looks far too expensive to be hanging around this sketty pub. Despite seeing photographs of him online nearly every day since his departure, Calum is taken aback by how much has changed in a year.

He’s not equipped. That much is clear. This had been a mistake. Calum’s going to open his mouth and instead of saying hello he’ll say I can’t believe you became more gorgeous and  you’re back just to mock us and laugh at the band you used to front and make me feel like even more of an idiot for thinking you liked me.

“It’s six,” Michael informs Calum, tapping his shoulder. Calum whips around, startled. The neck of his bass almost knocks over the mic stand. Michael raises an eyebrow. “We can start playing, yeah?”

“I’m ready,” Calum says. Michael gives him a Look. “I am,” Calum repeats. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Michael says huffily. He steps up to the microphone and turns it on. Calum takes his spot at his mic and waits for Michael to introduce them — “We’re 5 Seconds of Summer, and we hope you like our set!” — before going straight into ‘Unpredictable.’

He tries not to watch Luke for the whole set, but he can’t really help it. Not only is Luke the most magnetic person in the bar no matter how much it fills up, he’s also sitting directly in Calum’s line of sight. Intentionally? By coincidence? Calum decides he doesn’t want to know. Because it’s probably the latter. 

He does see someone approach Luke for an autograph and a photo at one point, though. Which is so weird that Calum forgets his next lyric and Michael shoots him another Look. 

The audience grows slowly throughout their set; Calum recognises a lot of the regulars, smiles and waves to the ones who smile and wave first. Behind the bar, Alex air-guitars along to their cover of ‘What’s My Age Again,’ as usual. Before Calum knows it, they’re playing their last song.

There’s no pretending they wouldn’t be better with two guitarists instead of just one, but Calum has to admit: as three-piece bands go, they’re pretty fucking incredible. Even if they never make it big, Calum can rest easy knowing it’s because of bad luck, not lack of talent. 

“Thank you so much,” Michael says into the microphone. “We’ve been 5 Seconds of Summer, check out our Facebook page for information on future gigs.”

“Thank you, everyone,” Calum contributes, then steps away to let the scattered applause wash over him. 

Luke is clapping loudest of all. He would do that, as an alumnus of the band. If bands can have alumni.

When the attention of the room at large moves away from them, they set to taking apart and packing up their equipment. Calum is coiling up the cord for his bass when someone taps him on the shoulder.

“That was wicked,” says Luke. Like they’re not the first words he’s said to Calum’s face in a year. Calum stares at him. His face is glittering. Oh. That’s makeup. It’s shimmering on his eyelids when he blinks. Gold, sparkly. Pretty. Does Luke wear makeup now? Or is he only wearing it tonight because it’s a special occasion? Even though it’s really not a special occasion? It must be the former. Luke wears makeup now. He doesn’t post a lot on Instagram — yes, Calum has notifications on for him there, too — and when he does it’s usually show-related stuff, in show makeup. Point being Calum’s earlier theory is once again proving itself true: he is not equipped.

“Thanks,” he says after he’s made is sufficiently awkward with his fucking staring game. He smiles. “Could’ve probably used another guitarist, but we do alright, yeah?”

Luke ducks his head. Great, really well fucking done, Calum. Way to guilt him. “I’m teasing,” he hurriedly assures Luke. “Thanks for coming.”

“Do you need a hand?” Luke gestures at the mess of cords around Calum’s feet.

Calum opens his mouth, but Michael, unfortunately, beats him to it. “We’re okay,” he says, stepping forward. “Hi, Luke. Nice of you to make an appearance.”

“Michael,” Calum hisses.

Luke bites his lip. “Hey, Michael. It’s, uh. You guys sounded sick, I was telling Calum.”

Even Calum can hear the no thanks to you on the tip of Michael’s tongue. “Which I agreed with,” he says, looking at Michael like be fucking civil. “Because we did.”

“Yeah,” Michael scoffs. “Well, Cal, if you want to go on your date, Ash and I can handle the rest of the cleanup.”

Calum frowns and blushes at the same time, which feels funny. “I’m — I can —”

“Honestly, go,” Michael says, sighing. “If it’ll get Luke out of here, then go.”

“Jesus Christ, Michael,” Calum snaps. “Get your head out of your arse, would you? If you’re offended that Luke took an opportunity for success, then one of you is a dickhead and it’s not him.”

Michael’s face hardens. He snatches the half-coiled cord out of Calum’s hands. “Go,” he repeats. It’s not a request this time.

Calum grinds his teeth and turns to Luke, who’s frozen in place with a pained expression. 

“Ignore him,” he says tightly. “He’s been a dick about the whole thing. Let’s just go.”

Luke hesitantly follows after Calum. “I didn’t realise —” 

“Great set!” Alex calls, wiping down the bar. Calum manages a smile just for him. 

“Thanks,” he says, then glances over at Luke. “Yeah. I reckon I should have warned you.”

“I meant it that I’ve missed you lot,” Luke says mournfully. “I mean, I knew he wasn’t pleased, but…I sort of hoped he’d have gotten over it? Not that— I know I left, so I did ask for it —”

“Luke, come on. Don’t be thick.” Calum scoffs as they leave the bar. “It’s a Michael problem. He just thinks it’s an Olympic sport to hold the longest grudge or something. I love him, but he’s a fucking arsehole when he wants to be.”

“I — I know, but…” Luke sighs. “Yeah. I guess.”

The evening air is cool. Around them, shops and street lamps flood the road with illumination. The gold on Luke’s face catches the light like it’s being paid to do it. Calum only glances briefly at him before looking back at the pavement ahead and asking, “So…what do you fancy for dinner?”

“I seem to recall a Maccies this way,” Luke says. “I know it’s not the most elegant of places, but…”

“Say no more,” Calum says. “You never need to convince me to get Maccies.”

— 

They sit across from each other, quiet for a few minutes as they both devour their burgers. Luke’s nails are painted with clear gloss. Calum isn’t sure if it’s the theatre effect or just the London effect that’s given him this extra glamour. Or the fame thing. Which is still decidedly strange. And also reminds Calum:

“Congrats, by the way.”

Luke looks up, confused. “Huh?”

“On the Olivier nomination,” Calum says. Luke smiles. “That’s a big deal.”

“It’s, uh, yeah. A bit.” He laughs. “Okay, a lot. It’s mad. Thank you.”

“You deserve it,” Calum says. “The play’s —” No. Nope. That’s not something he wants to admit to. “I’ve heard it’s good,” he amends quickly, but it’s too late. Luke, who is the definition of selectively perceptive, squints.

“Have you seen it?”

Calum presses his lips together. His silence could probably speak for itself, but whatever. “I saw it last month,” he confesses. “My mum got us tickets, me and her and Mali.”

Luke stares. “And you didn’t think to tell this to me? Or ring me while you were in London?”

“You didn’t ring me when you came here,” Calum retorts. 

Luke bites his lip. “Touché. But why didn’t you say hello?”

Calum huffs a laugh. “You ignored my last three texts, Luke. I know how to take a hint.”

At this, Luke smacks his palm to his forehead. “Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I never replied to you. I’m so sorry. I kept reading them at the worst times and then forgetting to respond. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’m really sorry,” Luke repeats. “I didn’t mean to fall out of touch, honest. I just…”

“Got busy,” Calum finishes. “I know. You don’t have to tell me. And look, not for nothing, the play’s bloody brilliant. So your hard work hasn’t been in vain.”

“God, I’m a fucking idiot,” Luke says, like he hasn’t heard Calum speak. “Just the other day I was thinking of you. Wondering why you never reached out. I figured you were upset at me for leaving. Like Michael.”

“What? And you didn’t think to shoot me a text, maybe?”

“I thought you were cross! I didn’t think you would want to hear from me!”

“Luke —” Calum breaks off and shakes his head. “Can’t believe I thought you were any different when you’re actually the same fucking moron who left here.”

“Hey,” Luke halfheartedly protests. “Fucking moron who’s nominated for an Olivier.”

“Oh, excuse me,” Calum says, rolling his eyes and grinning. Luke laughs almost to himself. “Look, it’s okay. We’re good now, yeah?”

Luke nods. “Promise to text you back from now on. And if I don’t, it’s not because I don’t want to hear from you. Just keep texting me. I’ll — I’m —”

“Don’t tell me you’re busy,” Calum says. “I know you are. I read the articles. How you find the time to do interviews and also a show eight times a week is beyond me.”

Luke quirks his lips. “You read those?”

“Of course I do,” Calum says. At first it was just to see if you’d say anything about me, he does not say. “Number one Hemmo fan.”

Luke laughs. “You didn’t even wait at the stage door to say hello. You’re nowhere near the number one fan.”

Calum scoffs in mock offence. “Yeah? Do your other fans know your drink order? Do they know who your first concert was? Do they have your phone number?”

“That’s not being a fan, you idiot, that’s being my friend,” Luke says, laughing.

Calum waves him off. “Same thing.”

“So what have you been doing?” Luke prompts once he’s polished off his burger. The napkin crinkles in his hands when he wipes his fingers, an action which becomes entirely pointless as he munches on the oily chips that had come with his meal.

“I still work at the bar,” Calum says. “Mike and I both. My, uh, my life is basically the same, honestly. Except we get paid slightly more to play now.”

“You should be playing the O2,” Luke says. “You’re really good.”

“Yeah, well.” Calum shrugs. “Can’t all have our dreams come true.” 

Remorse crawls over Luke’s face. Shit. Calum isn’t doing it on purpose. It’s just that sitting here, eating greasy fast food, it’s so easy to forget that they live in different worlds now. Passerbys peering through a window at them could surely tell, though. Calum’s Rolling Stones shirt and black snapback are no match for Luke’s carefully styled curls and leather jacket. It’s not a ratty leather jacket, either, but one of the really nice ones. Probably Gucci or something equally outrageous.

It doesn’t mean Calum’s any less smitten. Just that the crater between them might be too vast to cross, and Calum keeps forgetting there’s a crater at all until he nearly trips over the edge. Moments like now, where the look on Luke’s face is that of a kicked puppy. 

“Calum,” he starts, but Calum shakes his head.

“Never mind, sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You did a bit, though,” Luke says. “Right? You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it a bit.”

“I’m not guilting you for doing what you love, Luke,” Calum says firmly. “I’m not. Anyway, I’m doing fine. Better, even. Don’t get a guilt complex, please. I’m happy for you, I’m happy myself, everything is fine.”

Luke grimaces and stuffs several chips in his mouth. Calum chomps down on one of his own. It’s a bit soggy but at least sufficiently salted. Not the best chips he’s had, though far from the worst.

“We left things a bit weird, though, didn’t we,” Luke says, staring determinedly at the table.

Calum nearly chokes on his chips.

A bit weird is probably the right way to put it. Calum’s been rejected in some pretty harsh ways, but having the boy in question pack up and move to a whole new city had been a first for him. If it had been a clear-cut rejection then maybe Calum could have handled it. It was the uncertainty that had done him in. Maybe that’s why he never made a real effort to stay in touch.

It’s one thing when your friend won’t answer your texts. It’s another when you really thought that friend had been into you, only for him to turn around and announce that instead of going out with you he’d be moving to London.

“I don’t mind if we just move past that,” Calum says now, hoping in vain that his voice won’t betray how much he has not moved past it. He’s an adult. He can be friends with someone he also fancies an embarrassing amount. He hadn’t intended to mention the whole will-we-won’t-we thing they’d done just before Luke had left. There’s not a lot to say about it.

“Do you mind if we don’t move past it? Yet?” Luke says nervously. “Can I say something and then we can move past it if you still want to?”

Calum swallows. What the fuck could Luke possibly have to say about it, other than to maybe apologise for leading Calum on the way he did? “Uh, I suppose?”

Luke clears his throat. “Okay. Well, um, I just wanted to say that…I think when I left, that you maybe got the impression I was turning you down. And. I wasn’t. At all. I didn’t want to leave you, it was just what made the most sense, being in the play and everything. Um, and I didn’t really say anything because it wouldn’t have been fair of me to tell you I liked you when I was also moving four hours away — like, I didn’t want to do that to you.” He laces his fingers together on the table. “But you, um, seemed. Hurt. And I didn’t know how to tell you before, so I’m telling you now, it wasn’t because I didn’t like you. I did. I do.”

Calum must forget to breathe, because it’s dead silent around them. Luke finally looks up and winces. “Also, this isn’t a guilt trip, so like— if you have a boyfriend now, that’s— sorry, I guess I should have checked?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Calum says. “The bloke I was hoping would be my boyfriend decided to move to London and become a star, and I haven’t exactly gotten over him yet.”

A small, tentative smile pulls at Luke’s lips. “Really?”

“You sure took your time clearing that up,” Calum says. His heart is beating unreasonably fast, but he thinks it’s probably excused on the basis that the boy he’s fancied for two years and who would’ve broken Calum’s heart had Calum gotten the chance to share it with him is now returning his feelings. Exhilaration flutters around his chest, and he smiles. “But yeah, really.”

Luke’s face breaks into a genuine smile. He pushes a strand of hair behind his ear. “Oh, thank God. I thought after this long—”

“Underestimating just how much I like you, obviously,” Calum says. Luke brightens like a fucking spotlight. “Though it’s been the same amount of time for you, so if I have problems, then so have you.”

“Who’s got problems?” Luke says. “This is the opposite of a problem. I’m thrilled.”

“You do still live in London,” Calum points out, because again: masochist.

A shadow crosses Luke’s face, but it quickly disappears. “That’s— it’s only four hours.”

“Only.”

“Okay, it’s—” Luke squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t— shit. Look. I know it’s not practical, okay? But can we just pretend it is? So this isn’t a complete loss? I’m here until Monday morning.”

“One whole day,” Calum says. “Lucky us.”

“Yes,” Luke says decisively. “Be my boyfriend for a day, Cal. We’ll figure it out from there.”  

Every objection Calum has flies from his mind at Luke saying be my boyfriend. Struggling to maintain his composure, he hedges, “Really? You want to have a boyfriend who lives in Manchester and works in a bar and doesn’t even know how to identify what makeup you’re wearing? Which looks fantastic, by the way? And did I mention the whole living-in-Manchester thing? You know, four hours from London?”

Luke fixes him with a look. “Yeah, I want you to be my boyfriend, Calum. And all of the things that includes. It’s worth it to me.”

And. Well. Shit. “It’s worth it to me, too,” Calum admits. 

Maybe if he’d said that a year ago, Luke would have listened. Maybe they’d have gotten here much sooner. But at least they’re here at all.

Luke reaches across the table and his lips quirk up. “That’s all I want to hear you say.”

For a moment, Calum imagines that life is easy. Luke could always leave the show. Move back to Manchester. Spend late nights and early mornings in Calum’s flat (having made up with Michael, who splits Calum’s rent and living space). Do his makeup in their bathroom mirror and explain it all to Calum as he goes. Rejoin the band despite Michael’s initial stubborn grudge, and finally reclaim his role as lead singer, finally doing justice to melodies Calum and Michael could never quite sing the same way. If Luke had never been cast, Calum wonders if that’s how their lives would be. 

But it’s not how their lives are, and Calum doesn’t want that anyway. Luke is doing what he’s born to do, and Calum would never forgive himself to pull him away from that. He doesn’t want it to be easy. The fact that Luke knows it won’t be easy and is willing to take it on anyway means far more, to Calum.

They can figure it out.

He laces his fingers with Luke’s and squeezes once, smiling when Luke smiles. So much is different, but fuck if that’s not the same beaming, blushing smile that’s always been just a little too big for Luke’s face. There’s hope for them yet. Calum can feel it.

[smallwomanlongstory]

Our Lady of Czestochowa

My memory once contextualized major events using seasons, or tenure at a certain job or school. At some point, though, I began to mark time according to traumas. I knew we sold a property right before the second big relapse. Our daughter's baptism happened a week or so after the first night S slammed my body into furniture.

When it all started, it was October. I took T on a trip to a field across the Hudson River to pick pumpkins. At the farm stand, I picked up a jar of four berry jelly. Waiting in line, I stared at the jar lid and counted the little red, pink and white checks, arriving at an even number. I smiled, thinking there was a potion sealed beneath the gingham. Magic that would vanquish those little drug baggies that tumbled from S's jean pockets into my washing machine. The jelly would show him that I’d thought of him. Foolishly, back then, I still hoped things could be fixed with kind gestures, or the right string of words. 

That October was defined by my bare feet slapping cold hard pavement as I chased after S; by tears streaming down my face as I grabbed him and begged him to go to the hospital. October was my mother’s hand moving back and forth between my shoulder blades as I struggled to fall asleep in my childhood bed. My own bed was uninhabitable because it was where I held my husband and felt his heart beat so hard and so fast, I thought he would die. October was fear; fear that the handful of diet pills S took would give him a heart attack; fear when he called from a far-away city, paranoid and crying; even greater fear when my phone wasn’t ringing.

S moved to the United States, to a middle state, without knowing a word of English, when he was seven. His father took him to a park where S saw kids his age playing soccer. Wanting to join, S asked his dad for an English lesson. His dad told him to just stretch out the Portuguese word for sock, Meia (pronounced "May-Uh"), and taught S a new word, “play.” S sprinted across the grass, repeating his line, “Meia play, Meia play, Meia play,” in his head. When he finally reached the children and asked the rehearsed question, they said, “no”, and ran away.

In the emergency room that October, S squeezed my hand, turning my knuckles white, begging me to tell the doctors he was ok to be released. I knew he wasn’t. I knew he would get out and use again, but I looked at the other people in the psychiatric emergency room; a man in hospital scrubs pacing up and down the hall, spitting into a cup; a women on a gurney, the fluorescent ceiling lights highlighting something brown smeared across her pant leg; a teenage boy behind plexiglass and wires, his knees drawn up to his chest, rocking and sobbing. On drugs, S terrified me, I didn’t want him home, but I could also see the little boy in him, scared himself, running across the park wondering if his shy “May I Play” would be understood, and I couldn’t leave him alone with all that filth and sorrow.

That night, from the depths of my jewelry box, I resurrected the Our Lady of Czestochowa medallion that my grandmother gave me and I started wearing it daily. Every night I told Our Lady my fears, took the necklace off, and placed it under my pillow. Through spiritual osmosis, I hoped, The Black Madonna would take my worries. 

The real Our Lady is a wooden icon, an image of The Virgin mother and her child that was painted by Saint Luke onto a table-top. Said to be fortified by the tears Mary shed ceaselessly following her son’s death, many miracles are attributed to the relic.

During a fourteenth century war with the Tartars, Our Lady’s wooden throat was struck by an arrow. A mark was left. That time period was a bloody one for Poland, and just a few decades later a Hussite pillager added two gashes to her cheek. When the pillager lifted his sword to make a fourth scar, he dropped to the ground and died in agony.  Restoration attempts have tried to smooth the icon’s face and neck, but the stigmata always reappear.

Our Lady of Czestochowa is nicknamed The Black Madonna. Theologians speculate that her face was tinted by soot, centuries of candle offerings. I knew smoke had nothing to do with her coloring.  There is no point in consecrating one’s suffering to something blithe.

When S was healthy, we had a favorite skit. Whenever T woke up wet or hungry, we went together into her room and lifted her from the crib. S would voice-over T’s crying, pretending to be a disgruntled hotel guest. In a pinched English accent, S would say something like: “The service around here is outrageously slow. It took three whole seconds for you people to get here.”

Then I would go, “So sorry sir, I came as soon as you rang. Can I get you a fresh Elmo diaper?”

In the fussy indignation common to infants and crusty old men, S would continue, “What must I do for some warm milk? Need I write a letter to management? Notify my grandmother perhaps?”

T would see her parents laughing and tending to her. Her tears would dry up and she’d smile or coo. I loved our little act. In it, we were our own little universe, a normal family.

Except we weren't, and I became obsessed with Our Lady of Czestochowa. I bought a thick book, a collection of the miracles attributed to the icon: men at war made safe though the odds were against them; blind women made to see; ships manned by devout sailors, righted after being flipped.  My favorite was about a little boy who, not understanding the damage it would cause, placed his baby sister in a warming hearth. The mother returned from some chore to find that her baby was charred, and immediately carried the little burnt body up the hill and into the monastery where our Lady presides. The child was healed and the story wrapped neatly with the family reunited, no questions raised about the brother’s intentions, or the mother’s distraction.

The Black Madonna has two elaborately decorated dresses; one adorned with jewels and one that was hand-sewn with gold thread and beads by peasant women. As liturgical seasons pass, the monks change her. I liked to picture them preparing for the ceremony like school girls given new ornaments for an exceptionally pretty paper doll, competing for a chance to fuss over the amber and embroidery. In my mind, the brothers would become fresh, exchanging snubs and lightly slapping the back of one another’s hands. I wanted to believe that the Black Madonna made them devolve into pettiness, because I wanted Our Lady to be powerful.

Somewhere, I read that I should picture the person I was worried for wrapped in a warm blanket, protected. Desperate for a tool, some nights I put S in every blanket, sheet, and towel in our linen closet. I’d put him in God’s palm, next to Jesus, on a radiant cloud with my dead grandparents. I would feel stupid, childish, still worried.

 It wasn't until the week or so before I left S that, suddenly, finally, I recognized why the blanket imagery never worked. The warm places I'd managed to create weren’t meant for S, they belonged to me. I still love to lift the Black Madonna medallion to my lips and kiss its scars. She reminds me that I can always access faith and safety; it's in my experience, in all the ways that I've survived.

[politicalmamaduck]

Mother of the Rebellion

Padme Amidala survives  Mustafar, and goes on the run with her babies.  With the help of her  four dearest friends, they sow the seeds of rebellion across the galaxy.  Read it on AO3 here.

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Padmé felt relief when they arrived at their destination several hours later.

Stewjon’s climate was colder than Naboo, and there were fewer trees and water features, though it did possess wide, flat grassy plains through which creatures that reminded Padmé of the shaak roamed. It was inhabited mostly by humans, in small cities spread across the planet.

It was a peaceful place, far from Coruscant or the Ring of Kafrene’s hustle and bustle. 

It was also Obi-Wan’s homeworld, and thus, the perfect place for them to hide, for Anakin or the Emperor’s other enforcers would never look there. His family was long gone, but memories slowly returned to Obi-Wan like shadows in the corner of his eye. Unlike Anakin, he’d been taken from his family as a little one, and thus had little to regret.

They settled into a quiet, small house on the edge of a town by one of the planet’s few lakes. Obi-Wan was thoughtful in choosing a home near water, both for Padmé’s sake and his own, for he sorely missed easily accessible water while hiding on Tatooine. The calm waters would also serve him well for meditation.

The twins would learn how to swim at a young age, a valuable skill, one valued by both Padmé and Obi-Wan. 

It seemed an ideal place to raise two precocious, Force sensitive children, far from prying eyes, and whatever the Empire planned to do with Force sensitive children across the galaxy. 

Both Padmé and Obi-Wan put that out of mind for the time being, yet kept bags packed under their beds and performed maintenance on the ship nearly every day, just to be certain they could flee at a moment’s notice.

If Padmé awakened in the middle of the night crying nearly as often as her children, Obi-Wan did not mention it. Grief was multi-layered and complex, as he learned from a young age, holding his dead Master in his arms. It was indeed possible to grieve someone who still lived, though twisted and evil beyond recognition, as he had learned recently. As much as he had always been quiet, stoic, a dutiful Jedi pupil, he appreciated and understood the value of emotion, of putting a name and a voice to one’s feelings. Grief was an old friend, one whose appearance in his life he would rather not have occurred so often or so young. 

He grieved Qui-Gon, Satine, and Anakin in very different ways befitting their statuses as Master, lover, Padawan, and learned different lessons from each.

He grieved his many fallen Clone comrades, and the many Jedi, some of whom he had never even met, who fell in one cruel stroke that horrible day some months prior, thanks to the Emperor and his machinations. 

Their deaths impacted him in many different ways, from unexplained chest pains and headaches to tears whose presence he did not mind in Tatooine’s parched atmosphere. 

He thought himself mostly healed in solitude on Tatooine, until presented with a woman to whom grief and melancholy were a stranger, one with a hole in her heart that would never be filled. 

Together they mourned, nodding at each other over their morning tea before the children cried out once more to be fed. 

When their mourning and exile were over, they would rebuild not just their own lives, but an organization devoted to representative democracy and fighting for what remained of the Galactic Republic. As long as a single ray of hope lived on in the galaxy, and Obi-Wan was certain that it did, he would fight to keep that light alive. 

Until then, he helped Padmé find pleasure in the small things, from a beautiful blossom in their garden, to the weekly calls with Sabé that they now shared. It was reassuring to see Padmé smile at her best friend, the sister of her soul. In turn, Sabé’s smiles too brought great joy to his soul, one he could not entirely explain or put a name to, but he appreciated the feeling nonetheless. There was so little in the greater galaxy to give them joy. He would savor what he could, and he hoped Padme would continue to heal and do the same as well.

Despite their perilous situation, it was incredible to watch two small babies grow and develop each day. The ancient Jedi philosophers started debates across the centuries and wrote treatises about the many different types of love, but Obi-Wan found nothing to compare to raising children as if they were one’s own. He knew that his early influence in their lives would make his relationship with them drastically different from that of a typical Master and Padawan. It was a challenge both thrilling and terrifying. He vowed that he would not fail these precious children the way he had their father. 

He knew that Padmé would not be able to handle yet another heartbreak. And so he waited and watched, learning how each liked to be held and soothed to sleep. Leia kept her eyes open more often than Luke, but Luke did not kick as often as his sister. They often fell asleep at opposite ends of their cribs, but drifted towards each other during the night. The twins clearly had a unique bond, one developed in the womb and unlikely to be easily broken. Their feelings would do them credit, as long as one would never be turned against the other.

Padmé and Obi-Wan were both grateful that the twins seemed not to be affected by their grief. Slowly, their downturned faces began to rise like the sun each morning, and they began to smile more often than merely once a week on Sabé’s comms. An ancient proverb stated that time would heal all wounds, and perhaps, for a former Senator and Jedi, it would.         

In addition to mental and emotional healing, they continued to train their bodies physically. Both always boasted toned physiques; lifting small children and their paraphernalia each day lent itself easily to developing a strong upper body, but could also easily cause back and neck strains. Obi Wan taught Padme a variety of stretches and poses akin to a Jedi’s forms, and she gratefully joined him for laps in the lake when the children were sleeping. Though Padme was well trained during her days in public service on Naboo, they also practiced a variety of self-defense techniques and close combat skills. 

It was a simple life, and one they would not take for granted, for it would be time to emerge from their hiding soon enough.

[shielddrake]

The Monomyth in Video Games (AKA My Longest Rambling Ever)

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

 A person who comes from humble beginnings is called to go on an adventure to accomplish something great. He (it’s usually he) may either jump at the call or initially refuse it, but finally goes with the help of a mentor figure. He meets various amazing people and faces a myriad of challenges to achieve his ultimate goal. He confronts the main obstacle, overcomes it, and is rewarded for it. He returns to his home a wiser person, and bestows upon his fellow people the lessons he has learned, to the benefit of all. The End.

 Anyone know this? Anyone? Yup, that is a short, short, very short and simplified version of the monomyth, also known as The Hero’s Journey, a narrative device observed by many people but popularized by Joseph Campbell.  It has been studied and used by storytellers of various media, ranging from oral tales to books to movies to, yes, video games.

 It is one of the most common narrative devices out there, if not possibly the most common, at least historically. I’m sure a lot of us were exposed to Greek myths such as The Odyssey in school (at least, in America we are). JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings has many of the steps in the early parts of the story, before drifting in other directions once the fellowship separates. Each individual Harry Potter book has its own cycle of The Hero’s Journey. Every. Single. One. Star Wars is still a popular franchise (the more recent criticisms aside) and George Lucas has admitted repeatedly he used the monomyth as inspiration while he was writing the scripts for the original trilogy. So even if you are not intimately familiar with The Hero’s Journey in detail, high chances are you’ve been exposed to it simply through consuming various media.

 That’s not to say that using this narrative device is always intentional. I would find it incredibly surprising if Hiromu Arakawa or Hajime Isayama were purposely trying to include monomyth steps in their creation of Fullmetal Alchemist and Attack on Titan, respectfully, or that the creators of the 2019 anime version of Dororo meant to put Hyakkimaru through the paces of The Hero’s Journey, but sure enough, all these have some aspects of the monomyth in them!

 Does this mean a story, whether it’s a novel, TV show, movie or video game, has to possess all these steps in order to be considered using the monomyth?  No, definitely not.  On the contrary, it would actually be a good thing for stories to not require use of all these steps.  Telling a story by just crossing items off from a list is bound to create a rather stale experience. What I’m saying is simply that stories will borrow aspects of The Hero’s Journey to make the story compelling. The same goes for order and magnitude. The monomyth is usually presented in seventeen steps, but I don’t feel like they necessarily have to show up in the story in the listed order, nor do the steps have to take up equal amounts of the story-telling experience. Steps four through ten usually are the longest, while the last five or so tend to be rather short.

 So, in my apparently endless determination to apply the same techniques used in literary theory and film theory to video games, I would like to go over a couple of video games and how they do or do not apply the various steps of the monomyth.  I will go over four video games, noting whether each step is present, how much it adds to the story by its presence or absence, and how well the game represents the step.

 I’ve decided to review Final Fantasy VII (because its remake it coming out relatively soon), Dragon Age Inquisition (for another RPG, but not made in Japan), Bioshock (to show this isn’t just an RPG thing), and Psychonauts (because I’ve still got Psychonauts on the mind from my last post). I will also be comparing this to the monomyth found in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone, The Lord of the Rings, and the Star Wars Original Trilogy.

 There will be spoilers for these movies and games, on the off chance that anyone who hasn’t seen or played them doesn’t want them ruined. Do I need to keep putting spoiler warnings on older games? Or for the books/movies? Although I’m also kind of writing this with the idea that you have at least a passing knowledge of these movies, books and games…Oh well, just to be safe: Spoilers Ahead!

 This is a really, really long one, so beware. Readers may want to take this in phases.

  Let us begin.

 1.) The Call to Adventure

 First, there needs to be a little backstory established. The hero’s journey usually begins in the home of the main protagonist, more often than not showing the protagonist’s life in its everyday normalcy, which is often put in a negative light, ranging from boring to outright dangerous.

 The hero will generally come from rather small beginnings, which is probably why orphans are a common origin story. Luke is an orphan who lives with his aunt and uncle, oblivious to the fact that his father is Darth Vader. Harry Potter is very much the same, living with a borderline abusive family who force him to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs. Frodo is also an orphan taken in by Bilbo, his second cousin (hobbit family trees are confusing). Please note that this does not preclude a hero from learning a parent is alive later in the story (looking at you, Luke).

 In addition to this, the hero is rarely someone with much power, authority or money. Being a moisture farmer on Tatooine is apparently not the most noble of professions (though on a desert planet I’m a bit surprised by this), and the Dursleys appear to be middle class at best. Bilbo and Frodo are wealthy by hobbit standards and seem to be higher on the social hierarchy in The Shire, but remember that hobbits mostly reside in the Shire and immediately surrounding areas, so they aren’t considered to be important players in the world of men or elves. They are small both in stature and in society.

 For our chosen video games, it’s a little bit up to interpretation of the word “orphan” and what the player decides, but the humble beginnings idea still applies. Cloud from Final Fantasy VII (FFVII) is half-orphaned at a young age when his father dies, but doesn’t become a full orphan until he’s a teenager, when his mother dies during the Nibelheim Incident. We only see this in a flashback, and adult Cloud is a full orphan by the start of the game. By this point, Cloud has fallen from a SOLDIER First Class to a mercenary. So he’s rebelling against the more powerful people in Midgar, or at least is being paid to do so.

 The Inquisitor of Dragon Age Inquisition (DAI) may or may not have living parents, depending on origin and player choice. A human Inquisitor probably has living parents, but it’s a bit debatable if an elf, dwarf or Qunari Inquisitor does. At the beginning of the game the Inquisitor loses any prestige they may or may not have had (especially the human noble), and a Carta dwarf, Dalish elf, and Vashoth Qunari don’t have much in terms of power or rank in Thedas anyway. Whatever the case, the Inquisitor ends up being just a simple prisoner for the early prologue part of the story, before being raised up to the Herald of Andraste and eventually to Inquisitor.

 Jack from Bioshock is an interesting case. He’s sold by his biological mother, “raised” by Dr. Suchong and Brigid Tenenbaum, and later smuggled out of Rapture to live with adoptive “parents.” He is also an outsider in that he is kind of an unknown factor, given his upbringing, so by the time Jack arrives in Rapture at the start of the game, he is basically nothing but another body that happens to be there. Without Atlas directing him, it is very possible he could have just become another splicer, the crazed and deformed human remnants of Rapture’s human population. Either way, he doesn’t have much in terms of money, power or authority by the start of the game.

 Raz from Psychonauts doesn’t fit the orphan archetype, as he clearly has a rather large family, but he is estranged from his father at the very least. We don’t know his relationship with the rest of his family, but perhaps we’ll see more of that in the sequel. Raz definitely fits the humble beginnings archetype though, seeing as a circus performer profession is looked down upon, especially if you ask Kitty or Franke.

 The Call to Adventure itself can come in many forms, either through circumstance, a person begging for help, the hero learning about their origin they previously didn’t know, the hero’s own desire for a better life, and so forth. “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” Yeah, that one is pretty clear. Harry Potter gets his letter to Hogwarts delivered by Hagrid, and Gandalf says that Frodo must deliver The One Ring to Rivendell (although in the book Frodo takes a few months just thinking about it before actually leaving the Shire).

 For Cloud, the call really comes from both Barret and Tifa, with Barret paying him to help destroy the Mako Reactors, and Tifa pretty much calling in the promise Cloud apparently made to protect her during their childhood. The Inquisitor is basically blackmailed into working with Cassandra and Leliana to rebuild the Inquisition to close the Breach, which the player can either go along with willingly or unwillingly.

 Jack…doesn’t exactly have a call to adventure so much as he’s thrown into the adventure by way of mental conditioning and circumstance. The player doesn’t really get how the plane he’s riding crashed and why he ended up in Rapture until later in the game, but he’s basically told by Atlas/Fontaine what to do to help him save his (Atlas’) family. And things just go from there. For Raz, he receives a pamphlet for Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp, and being a psychic himself Raz decides to run away from the circus (in an inversion of the normal run away to the circus trope) to attend the camp. I would still like to know who it was that gave Raz that pamphlet to begin with. I’ve heard a lot of different theories. What do you guys think?

 2.) The Refusal of the Call

 When the hero receives the Call to Adventure, in whatever form it comes in, the hero often refuses the call, saying he or she is not cut out for whatever the adventure calls for or they have something else more important to do.  This can be saying you have to help your uncle on the moisture farm, saying you can’t possibly be a wizard, or trying to give The One Ring to the wizard who reveals the danger you’re in. The Refusal is of course short-lived and the hero goes along with the call anyway, otherwise there would ultimately be no plot, or at least a very, very boring one.

 Cloud’s Refusal of the Call is short-lived but repeated. He tells Barret that Shinra sucking Mako from the planet isn’t his problem, tells Biggs he’s gone once the job is over, proclaims to the entire AVALANCHE group that he doesn’t care about the planet, and tells Tifa he’s going to let AVALANCHE deal with Shinra and that he’s no hero. It isn’t until Tifa reminds him of a promise he made to her that he actually sticks around the group. All this occurs in roughly the first half hour of the game.

 In DAI, a Refusal of the Call is optional based on player choice. The Inquisitor can reject being the Herald of Andraste basically from the word go, with repeated rejections scattered about the entire game. Later, the player can refuse the idea of leading the Inquisition, including for race or religious reasons.  All this doesn’t matter, however, as the game continues on with the player’s character being referred to as the Herald/Inquisitor anyway, so the refusal is kind of a moot point.

 Bioshock and Psychonauts don’t really have any Refusals of the Call. Raz actually jumps at the chance of going on an adventure, away from the circus, away from his family, who he thinks doesn’t understand him.  If anything, the refusal comes from his father, Augustus, who destroys the pamphlet for the camp and forces Raz to practice acrobatics instead. But Jack’s story is the most interesting to me in terms of the refusal, and anyone who has played through Bioshock knows why. Not only does Jack not refuse the call, but also he also literally cannot refuse it. His “Would You Kindly” mental conditioning keeps him from doing so, and I love that it is buried in the gameplay in a way that the player doesn’t even realize the mental conditioning is there until much later. Story and gameplay integrated!

 3.) Supernatural Aid/Meeting the Mentor

 I’ve seen this step be called alternatively both Supernatural Aid and Meeting the Mentor, depending on who is describing The Hero’s Journey. Campbell called it the former, while the more recent Christopher Vogel calls it the latter. Personally I think these should be separate steps, but they often have to do with one another in some way, so I guess they can go together.

 The term “supernatural” is just vague enough that it can mean many things.  It can mean magic, divine intervention, magic, genetic manipulation, magic, psychic abilities, magic, aliens, or Force magic, to name a few. Harry Potter and Fellowship of the Rings all have some form of magic (of course), while Star Wars has the Force. FFVII has magic, the ancient spiritual race of the Cetra, and, strangely enough, the alien invader Jenova. Psychonauts has psychics (again, of course).  DAI has presumed divine intervention from the Jesus-like figure of Andraste, at least until the Inquisitor enters the Fade and learns it was actually Divine Justinia, who is basically the Dragon Age version of the Pope. The Plasmids that Jack uses throughout Bioshock is more scientific than magical, but it still serves the same function.

 As for mentors, some of those are pretty obvious for the books/movies. Luke has Obi-Wan, Frodo has Gandalf, and Harry has Dumbledore. For our chosen video games, it’s a bit less clear.  Cloud’s “mentors” might actually be his love interests Aerith and Tifa, depending on how far in the game the player is. Jack has both Atlas/Fontaine and Tenenbaum, for better or worse. Raz actually has several, which is no surprise considering summer camps have to have several camp counselors, but the two major ones are Sasha Nein and Ford Cruller, since those are the ones he spends the most time with and Raz clearly looks up to Sasha as his hero.

 For the Inquisitor, that’s where it gets a bit muddy. It would seem like Cassandra starts as a mentor figure, giving the Herald advice and trying to direct them, but quickly takes a backseat once the player character becomes the Inquisitor proper. She doesn’t even show up at the war table anymore, whereas in Haven she does. Is Leliana a mentor? Kind of, but only in the sense that she acts as an advisor, roles that are also played by Cullen and Josephine.  Solas? Well, he would like to think so, and you even get minor boosts in approval if you listen to him. Or you could ignore him entirely and piss him off.  Andraste? Sure, if your Inquisitor is devout. It’s more up to the interpretation and choices of the player.

 4.) Crossing the First Threshold

 This is the step where the protagonist basically goes, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” (Yes, MGM’s Wizard of Oz also has its own Hero’s Journey!) It is the point of no return, where the hero finally decides to go with the Call to Adventure.  It is also in this step that the hero first encounters some of the real world outside of his or her comfort zone. So, this is another step that is kind of more like two steps.

 Our movies certainly have this two-part step. Luke decides to go with Obi-Wan to Alderaan after his aunt and uncle are killed by Imperial soldiers, and the cantina scene is his first real interaction with the tougher people that exist in the galaxy, including the skeptical Han Solo. Frodo (eventually) decides to take the One Ring to Rivendell, and The Prancing Pony in Bree exposes the hobbits to full-sized people for the first time, other than Gandalf. Harry Potter also has two, once at the Leaky Cauldron (pubs and inns seem to be a trend) leading to Diagon Alley and again on the Hogwarts Express.

 Psychonauts has an obvious Crossing of the First Threshold: Raz enters Coach Oleander’s mind, the Basic Braining level, the first mind Raz ever enters…presumably. It’s possible he entered another mind before then, but it’s not likely.

 Jack’s first sight of Rapture kind of acts as a first threshold, for both Jack as a character and for the player, but I also kind of like to think of it as the scene where Jack first sees a Big Daddy defend a Little Sister from a splicer. It gives a bit of foreshadowing that nothing is what it looks like down here, and Jack (and by extension, the player) should be careful about who he trusts.  A Little Sister is not a small, innocent creature after all, because there is always a dangerous, hulking Big Daddy somewhere nearby. Atlas is not who he appears to be, and ultimately Jack isn’t either. Instead, they are both people wearing masks, one intentionally and the other completely obviously.

 The first attempt at closing the Breach in DAI is a clear crossing, because it is from there that the Inquisition is reborn and the main character becomes the Herald of Andraste. Nothing is the same for the player’s character from that point on. The same goes for Cloud and the gang after the pillar holding up the upper plate over the Sector 7 slums collapses. Most of AVALANCHE’s members are killed and Aerith is captured. It’s not about saving the planet by this point. It’s about saving Aerith and getting revenge. Things just domino on from there.

 5.) Belly of the Whale

 This step coincides with the previous one. It is the final separation from everything the hero knows and moving into the unknown. Oftentimes it overlaps with a step called Loss of the Mentor, but it doesn’t have to. Consumption by a whale is optional, though use of a metaphorical whale is the more common approach.

 Speaking of metaphorical whales, what’s a bigger one than the Death Star? The same place where Obi-Wan dies, leaving the last connection to anything Luke had to his previous life and the one who would help him step into the future. He’s aboard the Millennium Falcon with two other people, two droids and a Wookie, but in reality he’s completely alone.

 Another such whale is Moria, the underground kingdom previously ruled by dwarves, but by the time of The Fellowship of the Ring, it is overrun by goblins, orcs, and the Balrog. The fellowship is swallowed by the earth and needs to get out. The price of that, however, is losing Gandalf. Another mentor lost. An even bigger whale is seen later in the books once Frodo and Sam reach Mordor itself, and they have to face even more challenges to get the One Ring to Mount Doom.

 For Harry, the whale could be a couple of things. It could be Hogwarts itself, the Forbidden Forest, the Hogwarts Express, the forbidden room on the third floor, or perhaps the trapdoor under Fluffy and the passage underneath…Lots of options here.  Now, the mentor figure for this book, Dumbledore, doesn’t leave Hogwarts until near the end of the story, and thankfully he doesn’t die, unlike the previous mentors who happen to be old, bearded, wizard men. He waits until book six to do that.

 FFVII kind of has an opposite whale. On one hand, it could be argued that the Shinra, Inc. building could be the whale, and although it certainly could be, I think a more poignant one would be the greater world itself. Once Cloud and the gang escape from Shinra, they leave Midgar and head out into the world, and they don’t return to Midgar until the end of the game. This could also be considered a Crossing the First Threshold.

 Again, DAI is about choice, but there are two events that are pretty big whales. The first is trying to recruit either the mages or the Templars to the Inquisition to close the Breach. Whether the player ends up facing Alexius in a dystopian future or fighting an Envy Demon for control in the Herald’s own mind, the main character ends up delving deep into a dangerous situation they have to climb out of. The second time is during the quest line to fight the possessed Gray Wardens and the Inquisitor ends up falling into the Fade. Quite a whale there, the Fade. A giant world that is only supposed to be accessible either to mages or in dreams. This is even more intense of an experience for a dwarf Inquisitor, since dwarves do not dream and cannot be mages in this universe.

 Bioshock…well, besides the idea of Rapture itself being a whale (during the game’s opening scenes, we even see a whale swim between Rapture’s towers), I would consider the most likely place to be Rapture Central Control. It’s here that some of the most important game events happen, after all. Jack kills Andrew Ryan, there’s the reveal of Jack’s “Would You Kindly” mental conditioning, and Jack learns he’s actually Ryan’s illegitimate son. Not to mention learning that Atlas, who has been guiding Jack and the player throughout the game thus far, is actually Frank Fontaine, the big bad. He has actually been using Jack this whole time just to one-up Andrew Ryan in their little power struggle. And then Fontaine betrays Jack and sends security bots to kill him, leading to yet another loss of a mentor. That’s a lot to take in during such a short time.

 Psychonauts doesn’t have a whale, but it does have a Hideous Hulking Lungfish. Raz has to do battle with her beneath Lake Oblongata, and then enter her mind so Raz can release her from Kochamara’s control. By then, Sasha and Milla have already been kidnapped, under the ruse of “Official Psychonauts Business,” and Ford Cruller is forced to remain in his underground lair near the psitanium so he doesn’t fall into one of his many personalities. So much for help there.

 6.) The Road of Trials

 The Road of Trials is the meat and potatoes of the story. It’s all the challenges the hero must overcome in order to reach the ultimate goal, whether it’s a big or little one. The challenges themselves may also be large or small, and according to Campbell often occur in groups of three. These challenges prepare the hero for the final encounter at the end of the story.

 …Do I really need to go over these in detail for each movie and game I’m reviewing here?  It’s basically the plot all the characters go through during the course of the story, ranging from battles, dungeons, travel, magic classes, camp activities, puzzles, and so forth. I’m not going to list each one here. This post is long enough as it is.

 7.) The Meeting with the Goddess

 This step involves the hero meeting with another character who helps them in some way, whether it’s as part of the hero’s group, by giving an item that is helpful, or just giving good advice. More often than not, this character is one of high ranking: an actual goddess, a princess, a queen, or something of that sort. She may or may not be a love interest, and more modernly she may not be a “she” at all…our examples here though do happen to be female, but I’m just saying this doesn’t have to be the case.

 Star Wars is obvious. Luke meets Leia, the Princess of Alderaan who hides the plans to destroy the Death Star in R2D2, first in her hologram and then in person aboard the Death Star itself. Frodo meets Galadriel in Lothlorien, where she allows him (and Sam, in the books) to glimpse into the Mirror of Galadriel to see the possible future of the Shire should his quest fail. She also provides him the phial containing the light of Earendil’s star, which is vital to fighting off Shelob later on. I wouldn’t exactly say Harry Potter has a goddess to meet, but I like to think it’s supposed to be Hermione, since she knows so much and often is the only one who actually knows what’s going on.

 Let’s see. FFVII has Aerith, whose big “gift” to the story is giving her life while she prays for Holy to stop Sephiroth’s Meteor. Bioshock has Brigid Tenenbaum, who assists Jack throughout the game if he spares the Little Sisters, and removes part of his mental conditioning so Jack can resist Fontaine. Milla is one of Raz’s teachers at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp, teaching him the Levitation ability, which is arguably the most useful ability in the game.

 As for DAI, there are plenty of characters that can play the role of the goddess, but I would argue the most important one might be Morrigan. She tells the Inquisitor about the eluvians and theorizes Corypheus is searching for one as a means to reach the Fade. Although she ends up being wrong, Morrigan also is a candidate for drinking from the Well of Sorrows, and if she does she helps the Inquisitor by fighting the red lyrium dragon during the final battle with Corypheus.

 8.) Woman as Temptress

 Here’s another misleading title. The Woman as Temptress originates back from Campbell’s research of Greek myths, where the hero is enticed by a female figure: Circe, Calypso, the Sirens, and so on. Today, the “woman” is really just anything that tries to drive the hero away from the path of his journey. This can be power, money, promises, or threats, for some other examples. It can still be a person, but lately that hasn’t been the case.

 There is always the temptation of the Dark Side of the Force, although Luke doesn’t really encounter this in full force until The Empire Strikes Back. The One Ring is the temptation itself, and it actually does succeed, since Frodo doesn’t throw the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. It isn’t destroyed until Gollum bites off Frodo’s finger, reclaims the Ring, and falls into the Crack of Doom while doing a happy jig. Voldemort tries (very briefly) to get Harry to join him and hand over the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone at the end of the book (it’s a bit longer in the movie) but that doesn’t last very long.

 There’s not exactly a temptation in FFVII, although I guess Jenova manipulating Cloud into bringing the Black Material to Sephiroth at the North Crater is the closest thing. I feel that goes more into the manipulation category than temptation though, but it still functions in a similar way. Bioshock has the temptation of harvesting the Little Sisters to receive more ADAM from them, and thus allowing Jack to obtain more abilities. This can be really appealing from a gameplay perspective, and results in the bad ending of the game if you kill every Little Sister. Alternatively, Tenenbaum compensates you if you spare the Little Sisters, so it’s not the end of the world to resist the temptation.

 …Raz doesn’t have a temptation to stop trying to become a Psychonaut. At all. Oleander never convinces him, Loboto doesn’t convince him (their interaction is actually incredibly small in the main game), none of the other campers dissuade him, and he faces all the obstacles in all the different minds with determination. The closest thing I can think of is Lili, who really just tries to give him a realistic view that the Psychonauts are not as important as they once were. I guess the “making out” scene kind of fits here, since Raz is clearing distracted by the idea of kissing Lili and doesn’t pay any attention to what she’s saying immediately after. Linda interrupting them puts an end to that though.

 As for DAI…yeah, I have trouble with this one.  There really isn’t anything that tempts the Inquisitor in a way that distracts them from the danger at hand. Romance doesn’t do it, power doesn’t do it, money doesn’t do it, blood magic doesn’t do it, demons don’t do it…Yeah, I’ve got nothing. Readers, please help me with this, if possible!

 9.) Atonement with the Father

 This is the step most people know even if they don’t know the concept of the Hero’s Journey itself, because it is such a common trope used in all kinds of story telling. This can be a father or father figure, and honestly it’s not unusual for this to be replaced by a brother in video games, and less commonly with another relative. This step may or may not be related to the next step, Apotheosis, depending on if the “father” is the source of the main conflict, but it is still one of the major obstacles the hero must overcome. Another thing to note that this step does not have to involve the death of the “father” either.

 Let’s face it: Star Wars is one of those films that normalized the father-son conflict dynamic in movies. Sure, it existed before then, but it became a huge thing after the iconic scene between Luke and Vader in The Empire Strikes Back. The conflict doesn’t come to a head until The Return of the Jedi, when Vader finally redeems himself by killing Palpatine and saving Luke’s life, giving his own in the process.

 That being said, it’s interesting that the other two movies we’re looking at have more distant aspects of the Atonement with the Father step. It’s not Frodo who has to deal with his father’s displeasure, but Faramir. Is there anything worse than hearing your father admit that he wishes you had died and your older brother had lived? Denethor doesn’t appear to care about Faramir until he appears to have died. This is less apparent in the book, but it’s still there.

 Harry Potter has the same thing. Obviously since Harry doesn’t have a living father, it’s kind of hard for him to have a conflict with him. I guess there’s kind of atonement with Severus Snape in the last book, but you have to really, really squint to make it that relationship one of a father-figure and son. …No, that doesn’t work for our purposes. There are issues with fathers with other characters, like Ron, Neville and Draco, but those relationships aren’t really elaborated on until later in the series.

 Video games often follow a similar pattern. Conflict with a father or father figure is incredibly common. Raz and Jack both have big issues with their dads, although Raz’s resolution is obviously more positive than Jack’s. Raz actually does atone with his dad, right before the final battle with a giant two-headed father monster in Raz and Oleander’s combined mental world. (If you don’t know Psychonauts, it makes sense in context, I promise.) Jack meanwhile…kills his biological father, although perhaps not willingly considering his mental conditioning. Andrew Ryan is a pretty terrible human being though, so maybe Jack/the player would have wanted to kill him anyway. Maybe.

 It should also be no surprise that the father issue doesn’t have to surround the main character, especially since being an orphan is a common backstory, as mentioned in the Call to Adventure step above.  The Inquisitor doesn’t really have issues with his/her father, presuming the player thinks the father is still alive, but Dorian certainly takes umbrage with his father trying to use blood magic to change his sexuality. It’s up to the player to either encourage or discourage Dorian from reconciling with his father, so this step is up in the air in that regard.

 Another similar conflict that occurs in DAI that isn’t with a father is between Morrigan and Flemeth, although I would hesitate to consider it”atonement,” especially if Morrigan is the one who drinks from the Well of Sorrows, thus tying her to Flemeth’s command. Of course, with Flemeth out of the picture and Solas taking over, I wonder how that connection stands now.

 The father conflict is also not related to the main character in FFVII. Red XIII, aka Nanaki, has issues with believing his father, Seto, abandoned his mother and his tribe during an attack by the Gi tribe. In truth, Seto actually sacrificed himself to prevent a backdoor invasion, turning to stone after being hit by several petrifying arrows. Once Red learns the truth about this, he proclaims that his father was a hero and he will protect his home, Cosmo Canyon, just like he did.

 And that’s not even getting into all the father issues present in the other Final Fantasy games, plus others in FFVII. Maybe I’ll do another post about that topic another time.

 10.) Apotheosis

 This is the point the quest has been leading up to. The final challenge. The final battle. The final countdown. The hero takes all they have learned over the course of their journey and applies it to this final challenge. If there’s a main villain of the story, this is the time where the hero confronts them.

 This is pretty self-explanatory. Luke Skywalker trusts in the Force, which allows him to blow up the Death Star. Harry Potter decides he wants to obtain the Philosopher’s Stone, but not use it, and that’s what allows him to receive it from the Mirror of Erised. And Frodo has to throw the One Ring into the Crack of Doom to defeat Sauron. That last one is interesting in that Frodo technically fails to do this final task, which is not something we historically see in Hero’s Journeys, but such a failure is becoming more common.

 Applying this step to video games feels a bit like cheating considering that a large majority of them have a final boss battle of some kind, and our four games are no exception. Most of the resolution of the main character’s stories coincides with the defeat of the final boss. Jack’s story ends when he is able to reverse his mental conditioning (with Tenenbaum’s help) and he defeats Fontaine, and the Inquisitor’s conflict with Corypheus ends, of course, with Corypheus’ death. The Trespasser DLC for DAI adds more conflict involving what happens after and what the Inquisitor is going to do about their Mark that is slowly killing them, but I feel that’s another story, so it’s beyond The Hero’s Journey of the main game.

 However, despite having final boss battles, I feel that Psychonauts and FFVII also have an Apotheosis step in terms of the characters themselves. Raz has to defeat the two-headed mental amalgamation of his and Oleander’s fathers, but he is able to do so because his real father breaks into his mental world and lends Raz his power so he can fight the monster. That reconciliation is more important to Raz’s story than beating the monster. Honestly, Raz probably wouldn’t have agreed to use his father’s strength if they hadn’t reconciled literally just prior to the final fight.

 Cloud’s Apotheosis really has to do with coming to terms with his false memories. He never actually joined SOLDIER, instead becoming a grunt in the Midgar army. He was experimented on after the Nibelheim Incident, escaped with Zack, and basically imprinted Zack’s life, experiences, mannerisms and skills after Zack was killed right in front of him. Cloud and Tifa have to sift through Cloud’s memories to figure out what really happened during the Nibelheim Incident, thus returning Cloud to his normal self. Essentially, Cloud has to realize that he is not as strong of a person as he previously believed, and that there’s nothing wrong with being weak. What you have to be is true to yourself. That’s more important than being strong.

 11.) The Ultimate Boon

 So if the Apotheosis is the final challenge of the journey, then the Ultimate Boon is the reward for overcoming it. This can be material or not, and likewise may or may not be what the hero initially set out to receive or accomplish. The boon can be large (such as saving the world) or small (earning a medal), and it can be public (again, saving the world) or personal (winning a love interest’s heart).

 Harry and Frodo both set out to accomplish a task, preventing the Philosopher’s Stone being stolen and destroying the One Ring, respectively, although Harry’s realization that he must do this thing is later on in the story compared to Frodo. They both succeed and are both rewarded. Harry and his friends are basically handed the House Cup at the end of the school year for thwarting Voldemort’s plan, and Frodo and the fellowship save the world, and more importantly for Frodo, save the Shire.

 However, Frodo does end up having to leave the Shire and go into the east due to the wounds he acquired throughout the journey as well as the strain of carrying the Ring. In a way, he is rewarded for his journey, but also punished because he didn’t actually accomplish the task he set out to do. He ends up leaving the Shire, his home, which he wanted to save to begin with.

 Luke is kind of the same way. He doesn’t set out necessarily to find his father and bring him back to the light. His Call to Adventure had to do with going to Alderaan with Obi-Wan to help Leia, and he is rewarded with a medal at the end of A New Hope for destroying the Death Star. However, his boon really has to do with reconciling with Vader, a conflict that doesn’t begin until The Empire Strikes back, later in his Hero’s Journey. However, this is just a good example of how the boon does not necessarily have to relate to the call.

 The boons for both FFVII and DAI are saving the world. It’s good for the world to not be destroyed, after all. Raz’s boon is a bit more personal: He is allowed to join the Psychonauts, which he set out to do, but his relationship with his father is also significantly improved now that the two of them understand one another better.

 For Jack, he saves Rapture…sort of. If the events of Bioshock 2 indicate anything, it’s that things really haven’t gotten better for Rapture following Fontaine’s defeat. However, presuming that the player spared the Little Sisters and gets the good ending of the game, Jack returns to the surface world with the cured Little Sisters, who essentially become his daughters. In the words of Brigid Tenenbaum, “In the end, what was your reward? You never said. But I think I know…a family.”

 Jack is given the short end of the stick in terms of family and future. His parents are not his real parents, his biological father Andrew Ryan didn’t want him, his mother sold him to Tenenbaum and Suchong as an embryo, and he has no control over himself or his own destiny. Considering it turns out everything Jack knew about himself and his family is a lie, a real family is the best thing he could have received. Jack basically has nothing at the beginning of the game, so the fact that he is able to still build a life for himself and the former Little Sisters is a great reward. Of course, this is thrown out of the window if the player harvests the Little Sisters and gets the bad or neutral endings, so there you go.

 12.) Refusal of the Return

 We’ve reached the point where the hero has accomplished the goal he/she has set out to do, has received their reward, and now has to go back to normal life that was left behind at the beginning of the story. What? The hero doesn’t want to return to normal life? They prefer the world they’re in now? Yeah, in a strange reversal of the Refusal of the Call, the hero no longer wants to return to their previous life, having earned the boon and learned the lessons they have.

 Can anyone really blame Harry Potter for not wanting to return to his aunt and uncle’s house once the school year end? Yeah, let’s go back to the house where he’s treated horribly, has a literal hand-me-down bedroom, and is not allowed to perform any of the magic he has grown to love. Plus his owl is forced to stay in her cage the whole summer. That sounds great! Let’s do that.

 Frodo, on the other hand, does return to his normal life in the Shire, but later has to leave because of his wounds and from carrying the One Ring (see The Ultimate Boon step above). It’s not so much that he refuses to return, but rather he is forced to leave again. Luke is kind of the same way. He doesn’t really refuse to return to his family and their moisture farm, it’s that he can’t return to it, because that has been destroyed. His previous life can no longer be. Even if we stretch the timeline to the end of The Return of the Jedi, Luke never goes back to just being a moisture farmer.

 Psychonauts only has a half-hearted refusal. At the end of the game, Raz acts like he’s going to go back to the circus, but only for a moment. Once the opportunity to go on another rescue mission comes up, Raz turns to nonverbally ask his father if he can go. It’s more like he’s asking for permission to not return rather than refusing outright.

 The Inquisitor of DAI doesn’t return to their previous world either. The life of running the Inquisition doesn’t end when Corypheus is defeated. It continues on until the Trespasser DLC, which even at the end of that the Inquisitor continues their adventure to stop Solas from basically destroying the world in a few years. I’m actually pretty eager to see how the Inquisitor fits in the next Dragon Age game, although the developers have given a 2022 release date, last time I checked.

 For Bioshock, Jack really does not refuse to return, symbolically indicated by him leaving Rapture and returning to the surface world. Regardless of whether he brings the cured Little Sisters to the surface to have a normal life or he becomes the splicers’ new leader and brings them to the surface to destroy mankind, he peaces out of Rapture at the first opportunity he has. There’s no refusal to return on Jack’s part at all.

 FFVII…okay, I’m again having trouble with this step. Cloud doesn’t really act like he refuses to go back to his previous life. His previous life is actually up in the air, with all his messed up memories and near lack of anything connecting him to his past, either as himself or with his false memories as an ex-SOLDIER. The only person really connecting him to his life before the story is Tifa, and I’m not going to get into the shipping wars about whether he should be with her or the now dead Aerith. That’s a different post. Regardless, by the end of the game, Cloud is more interested in moving forward than going back.

 13.) The Magic Flight

 In the process of returning to normal life, the hero will often have to flee from some kind of danger. This happens after the hero has received the boon, but before they are able to bring it to the people. If there’s a bad guy that needs to defeating or a task that needs accomplishing, this step often takes place immediately after. Actual flying is not required, but don’t be surprised if it does. The Magic Flight frequently merges with the next two steps, Rescue from Without and The Crossing of the Return Threshold.

 Let’s see. Luke escapes the Death Star on a shuttle with his father’s body. Frodo and Sam fly with the Eagles back to safety as Mount Doom is erupting. Harry is knocked unconscious and rescued by Dumbledore from the room containing the Mirror of Erised. Whew. Managed to keep that short.

 DAI doesn’t really have this step, because again, the story keeps going even after Corypheus’ end. However, I could argue there are other parts of the game that have a Magic Flight, such as escaping from the dystopian future after defeating Alexius or escaping the Fade after fighting the Fear Demon. These events just don’t happen at the end of the game. FFVII also only kind of has this step too, in the form of the Highwind bringing the party out of the North Crater following the defeat of Safer Sephiroth.

 Raz has to escape from his own mind, which is intertwined with Oleander’s in the last stage of the game, and his brain has to be detangled in order to return to his normal self. He’s not really conscious for the process though, so the player doesn’t really see it. As for Jack, this step is really kind of merged with the next two, so we’ll get to those.

 14.) Rescue from Without

 During the course of the Magic Flight, the hero will be unable to escape the danger they are trying to flee from on their own. Someone (or multiple people) will need to come in and rescue the hero. This is especially true if the hero is injured or weakened in some way, particularly after a rough final battle with the big bad.

 As stated before, this one often overlaps with the previous one and the next one. Vader saves Luke from Palpatine’s Force Lightning. The Eagles rescue Frodo and Sam from the erupting Mount Doom. Harry rescued from the attack from Voldemort/Quirrell by Dumbledore and brought to the Hospital Wing for treatment. Yeah, that sounds about the same as before.

 The closest thing the Inquisitor comes to being rescued from without, at least at the end of the game, is with the red lyrium dragon, where either a dragon-shifted Morrigan (if she drank from the Well of Sorrows) or the Guardian of Mythal (if the Inquisitor did). However, the red lyrium dragon defeats either Morrigan or the Guardian, and the Inquisitor and the party have to fight it anyway. So it’s an attempted but ultimately unsuccessful rescue.

 Raz is rescued by his dad, Augustus, from his own brain, and I imagine Cruller, Sasha and Milla all played a role in separating Raz’s brain from Oleander’s and rebraining him, even though this isn’t shown on screen.  Several Little Sisters stab Fontaine to death with their ADAM-collecting syringe, saving Jack from his final blow. It’s a wonderfully satisfying scene and I absolutely love it. FFVII has a rescue of sorts in that Aerith has to basically make the Lifestream rise up to help her Holy spell stop Meteor from destroying the planet. How she manages to do this from beyond the grave is never explicitly explained. It must just be a Cetra thing.

 15.) The Crossing of the Return Threshold

 So, this step is the final of the triumvirate of the return steps. The hero actually returns to their normal life or their previous home, and distributes the boon they have received upon the rest of the world. This is basically anything that happens after the climax of the story. Exposition explaining what exactly has happened may or may not be included.

 Luke returns to the rest of the characters on Endor to celebrate the destruction of the second Death Star, bringing the teachings of the light side of the Force with him. Harry Potter boards the Hogwarts Express to return to the Muggle world. And the hobbits all return to the Shire, although in the books they have to deal with Saruman and the Scouring of the Shire once there.

 For Psychonauts, there’s kind of a Return Threshold, but only if you stretch it, and not in the sense that returns Raz to his normal life. Quite the opposite actually. Raz and the gang levitate into the Psychonauts jet that just happens to show up from the ground. Hmm, didn’t Raz say he suspected that Cruller had a jet hiding in his lab somewhere? Oh look! More setup and payoff!

 Finally, we come to Jack. After defeating Fontaine, he is finally able to take a bathysphere to the surface again. The player sees this almost immediately after defeating Fontaine, and it occurs regardless of whether the player gets the good or bad ending.

 As stated in the Refusal of the Return step, neither DAI nor FFVII really have Crossing of the Return Threshold. FFVII just sort of ends and DAI doesn’t show the Inquisitor returning to their home origins, either in the game proper or in the DLC.

 16.) Master of Two Worlds

 This step is no so much of a step, but rather a final result of the hero’s journey. It is closely related to the next step, Freedom to Live. We see the hero basically in their final form, having achieved what they set out to do, whether that was the original intention or not. The hero is able to live in both their old and new worlds.

 In our chosen movies, Luke is really the only one who is the Master of Two Worlds. He recognizes the darkness that exists in him, but he can overcome it. Frodo, on the other hand, literally can’t become Master of Two Worlds due to his experiences. He has to leave one world (the Shire) permanently for the east.

 Harry…really has to compartmentalize his wizard and Muggle experiences, but that has more to do with his family not being willing to accept that magic is a part of him. Obviously his aunt and uncle do not care for his boon (magic) that he brings with him, forbidding him from using it, even without the Statute of Secrecy in place. He can’t really master both worlds in that regard, not until the last book and he reconciles with Dudley. (I’m really annoyed they cut that from the final release of the movies. That badly needed to be shown.) Harry does become a master of two worlds, the living and the dead, in the last book, but we’re looking at the first book alone, and this step isn’t really possible for him due to his circumstances.

 Now I have to admit, the only game (on our list anyway) that has this step is probably Psychonauts. Cloud steps away from his false life as an ex-SOLDIER when he admits that it was all in his head, choosing instead to continue to live as himself. Jack either returns to the surface with the Little Sisters and stays there (in the good ending) or becomes the master of Rapture and new leader of the splicers, rejecting his previous life. And The Inquisitor, well, I guess you could say they become the master of both the real world and the Fade, especially since he/she gets progressively better at controlling the Anchor and closing Fade rifts. However, they he/she still remains in the real world as the Inquisitor, until the events of Trespasser at least. These three games have the main character choosing one world over another, so it’s hard to pin them down as “masters” of two.

 Psychonauts, however, shows Raz accepts both parts of his life, as an acrobat and as a Psychonaut. This is illustrated excellently during the last platforming part of the game, during Meat Circus, with the rising water and Raz needing to keep up with his mental image of his dad. He uses both his acrobatic skills and his psychic powers to reach the top of the area. And as stated previously, Raz gains his father’s blessing before running off on another mission. Raz succeeds at being a Master of Two Worlds, and this kid is only ten!

 17.) Freedom to Live

 A follow up of the previous step, Freedom to Live is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Having mastered both worlds, the hero is allowed to live, as he or she wants, without worrying about any more conflicts…until the story sequel at least. This is the happy ending of the story, presuming the story has a happy ending.

 All of our protagonists, both movie and video game, manage this step in one way or another. Luke no longer has the threat of the Sith looming over him, and he can be at peace knowing he helped to redeem his father (and, for now, I’m going to ignore the stuff that happens in the New Trilogy, because that starts up a whole new set of the monomyth). Harry is given the opportunity to go back to Hogwarts for more schooling, and even though his Muggle family disapproves, he knows who he is now and has answers for things he couldn’t explain before. Overall, the end of the first Harry Potter book gives him a new lot in life, and the series continues on with that from there.

 And Frodo. Poor Frodo. Perhaps it’s hard to say he has “freedom” to live since he does end up leaving the Shire, but considering that his goal was to save the Shire (and by extension, all of Middle Earth), he succeeds. Frodo had to leave his home, but the other hobbits, including Sam, his closest companion, were able to live without a care. It’s a sacrifice, but one Frodo seems content to make.

 As for the video games we’re looking at, well, now Raz has the freedom to pursue his dream of being a Psychonaut without worrying about it alienating his family, his father in particular. Cloud is able to put the past behind him and move forward as his own person, rather than trying to live up to a standard he forced himself to before. The Inquisitor has challenges ahead to be sure, but without the threat of Corypheus breathing down their neck, they have a bright future to look forward to (at least until Solas decides to tear down the Veil, but we’ll have to wait for Dragon Age 4 to see how that turns out). And finally, Jack finally has answers to any questions he had about his life, and with his mental conditioning removed, he is finally allowed to choose his own fate, whether as a despotic leader of the splicers or as a father to the cured Little Sisters.

 So there you go. The Hero’s Journey in a bunch of movies and video games. As I said at the beginning of this extensive diatribe, the monomyth is not the only way to tell a story well, and it certainly is not mandatory to make a story good. However, whether intentional or not, parts of the monomyth somehow find their way into the stories we share in our various media. It’s worth looking at for any kind of story, if only to analyze how the presence or absence of the monomyth affects the story, for better or worse. And yes, video games can be a great form of story telling, if developers take the time to create it and players take the time to experience it.

 Okay. This post has gone on long enough. To anyone who managed to make it all the way here, thank you for your patience and commitment to reading my ramblings.

[jgreenfeld]

meet the muse;

jessica abigail greenfeld | 22 | bisexual | irish-american | aeronautical engineering student/mechanic | potterhead | supernerd | oreo addict | bookworm | cheerleader

10 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

1. Harry Potter

Your obsession with Harry freakin' Potter is a timeless affair. You read the first book tucked into a corner on the a tour bus, musicians fiddling with their instruments all around you, but you were lost to them. You were too busy learning spells, playing Quidditch and fancying yourself Mrs Jessica Potter. Sure, a lot of your friends have outgrown their Harry Potter phase, but you don't think that'll ever happen to you. He was never just a character to you, he was a comfort when you were recovering from your illness and figuring out what life was going to be like without being able to hear things from now on. You lost quite a number of things after the meningitis hit, but you never lost Harry. He taught you how to be brave and true and a little bit sassy, and you're always going to love him.

2. Atticus Finch

Your father is a mechanic, not a lawyer. He wears sports jerseys instead of tweed suits. But he's still the closest thing to Atticus Finch that this world is going to get - in your eyes anyway. Your dad was the first one to introduce you to To Kill A Mockingbird. He panicked and shoved his own copy into your hands after you finished the fifth Harry Potter book and spent three straight hours wailing over Sirius. Of course, TKAM wasn't going to be something that necessarily cheered you up, but you were hooked from the get-go. Atticus taught you how to be just and fair. He taught you to think about what it would be like to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He taught you valuable life lessons that you still carry today, and even though it would be impossible to hope that everyone in the world could be more like him, you could at lease try to channel all that energy yourself. You like to think that he taught you how to be a better person.

3. Mark Watney

Mark Watney taught you that space is dangerous and terrifying and that it has the potential to be the very death of you. He taught you that it's vast and empty and nothing but a challenge. And it only made you love it even more. When your father picked up on your space obsession, right after your solar system model won first prize at the middle school science fair, he gave you a copy of The Martian. In all honesty, he had no clue what it was about but the name hinted that he was on the right path. You devoured it whole. Or rather... you spent the full night yelling at your book whenever something traumatic happened and Michelle fully attempted to smother you with a literal pillow just to get you to shut up. Mark Watney made you fall in love with space even more, and he kickstarted your desire to work for NASA one day. When you feel like you're never going to make it, you just need to look to him for a kick up the ass.

4. Gilbert Blythe

Gilbert Blythe is the very first love of your life. You understand that there's a high chance you’re not his type, because when he tugs on Anne's pigtails and calls her 'carrots', she hits him over the head with a slate and it's love at first sight for him because of that. If Gilbert Blythe ever tugged on your hair to get your attention, then you probably would have just decided to marry him right then and there. Still, what's not to love about him? He's kind and he's funny and he's smart and he cares about school. Perhaps you would be relationship goals based solely on the fact that you're a nerd and he's a nerd. But you'll never get to test that theory out, which is a shame. In the meantime, Gilbert is setting the standards for all other men and he's raised the bar to a whole other level.

5. Paddington Bear

Paddington Bear is the reason you demanded a duffle coat and red wellies at the age of six. He's the reason you wanted to travel to Darkest Peru whenever a family vacation was brought up. And he's the reason that you still unironically enjoy a marmalade sandwich, even to this day. Plus, he's cuddly and kind and the exact friend you think anyone should have. Honestly, you'd love to be someone's answer to Paddington Bear.

6. Matt Saracen

You're never going to be a football player and, to be quite honest, you never really want to be. You're tiny and any tackle would crush you in an instant. Soccer, on the other hand, is different. And then, of course, there's cheerleading. Matt Saracen was never a cheerleader, although you have total faith in him and believe that he could be anything he wanted to be. He was a football player though, and had always been desperate to be one, despite shortcomings like money and being one of the younger kids on the team. You relate to that. Friday Night Lights taught you all about teamwork. You love being part of a group like that, whether that be the girls soccer team or the cheerleading squad. It's what you miss most about high school, that sense of belonging. You love your family but Michelle likes to make your life a living hell, Brendan can only defend you so much and Gabby has her head in the clouds half the time. Matt taught you that sometimes it's okay to feel way more at home when you're part of a team.

7. Leslie Knope

She likes waffles, she likes fairness and she loves her friends. Leslie Knope is exactly the kind of woman that you want to grow up to be. Maybe you don't have a future in politics, but that's okay! You can still embody her in all the ways that are important. You're a feminist, you would happily arrange a wedding ceremony for two gay penguins and you would absolutely die for Michelle Obama. Leslie Knope is that caring and goofy friend that you want to be, and while you're not as savvy as her or as good with words, and you absolutely do not have her knack for public speaking, you wake up every morning and tell yourself that you're going to be a Pawnee Goddess that day.

8. Clint Barton

You watch the Avengers and you fall in love with superheroes. Your dad seems bolstered by this since he's been trying to get you to read comics for years now, and this eventually persuades you. You discover that you're a die-hard Captain America fan and there are several failed attempts to write a popular Steve/Bucky story when you foray into fanfiction, only to realise you're nowhere near as gifted a writer as you think you are. But you still love this world and these characters and it's like a blanket gets wrapped around you when you find out Clint Barton is actually deaf in the comics. Just like you. You devour Hawkguy, trawl the internet for all the meta discourse and fanfiction you can find and you even dress up as Kate Bishop one Halloween. Clint Barton teaches you that you can have a disability and still be a superhero.

9. Luke Skywalker

There was no way that you were making it through your childhood without discovering Luke. And Leia and Han and Chewie. But Luke was the one that stuck with you most and your dad was very proud of you for that. He's a hero, but not the typical rough-and-tough, 'needs a damsel in distress to save' sort of hero. He teaches you that you can save the galaxy and still be loyal and compassionate and have a good heart. You don't need to be jaded to be a hero, and it's okay to show emotion. And sometimes it's okay to be a little bit of a drama queen as well. You appreciate that last one.

10. Buttercup

The Princess Bride is one of the few movies that you and Michelle actually agree on. Or rather, you like all movies and she hates anything that you like. But even Michelle can't say no to The Princess Bride. Buttercup is a character who undergoes development, giving you hope that maybe one day Michelle will also go through that same growth and decides that she wants you to be her sister. Perhaps it's a pipe dream but you never give up hope. Buttercup also teaches you that you can fall hard and fast for someone who says 'as you wish' to your every command and like, you get that. You're pretty sure that you'd die on the spot should anyone say that to you.

9 TWEETS

@jupiterjess: i've ran out of oreos. is my life even worth living anymore?

@jupiterjess: the new cheerleading captain at jasper high messaged me for tips. LITTLE OLD ME. i'm blushing hardcore.

@jupiterjess: thank you so much to everyone who failed to tell me i've been walking around with a chocolate milk moustache all day!!!!! you're the best guys!!!!!! thanks!!!!!

@jupiterjess: do you ever just. stop and think. about exoplanets?? someone come hold my hand and talk to me about exoplanets.

@jupiterjess: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

@jupiterjess: america, i have no idea what you're doing right now, but you need to be better than this. wake up and smell the racism.

@jupiterjess: 'it's a power that jedi have that lets them control people and... makes things float.' rEY asdfgh

@jupiterjess: as a bisexual, the trailer for 'last christmas' has been very difficult for me. thoughts and prayers for jess in this trying time.

@jupiterjess: @NASA i love u

8 FACTS ABOUT SPACE

1. Halleys Comet won’t orbit past earth again until 2061

JESS' INPUT: Okay, so here's another fun fact about Halleys Comet! At Disney's Magic Kingdom, Main Street USA is connected to Tomorrowland by one thing and one thing only. Main Street's design is based on the year 1910, and Tomorrowland's design is based on the year 1986. What do those two years have in common? That was when Halleys Comet orbited past Earth! ... That's more of a Disney World fact, but pretty cool all the same, huh?

2. A full NASA spacesuit costs $12,000,000.

JESS' INPUT: 12 million! That's so much money, holy smokes. Honestly, imagine going around wearing an outfit that cost 12 million dollars. Wouldn't be me! I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

3. There may be a planet made out of diamonds.

JESS' INPUT: Okay, so this planet is like, 40 lightyears away and it's eight times the size of earth. Researchers think it could be made of graphite and diamonds and everyone is like 'wow, that's cool!' And okay. yeah, I get it. Diamond planet. That's super cool. But you know what isn't cool? That episode of Doctor Who where they went to the diamond planet and that one woman got possessed. That was the opposite of cool.

4. The footprints on the moon will be there for 100 million years.

JESS' INPUT: There's no atmosphere on the moon so the footprints there can't be eroded by wind or anything like that. So those footprints are going to be there for practically forever. Imagine being Buzz and Neil and being able to flex like that. I went to the grocery store the other day, accidentally dropped a jar of Marmite and then stood in it - so my footprint was there because the cashier couldn't handle the Marmite-y smell for long enough to clean it up and apparently I wasn't allowed to help for 'health and safety'. So at least my footprint is going to be imprinted somewhere. Just nowhere that's as cool as the moon.

5. The moon was once a piece of the earth.

JESS' INPUT: People think that there was some sort of collision which made a part of earth break off. They say it was an early protoplanet of Mars called Theia. Anyway, Theia made the moon break away from Earth but it stayed around to orbit us because of the Earth's gravitational pull. Don't you love the moon? She's a lesbian queen! Hey, maybe Theia had a crush on her or something and just went about it like, the wrong way.

6. There is floating water in space.

JESS' INPUT: Uh huh! So there's this massive water vapour cloud that astronauts found and it holds - oh my gosh, get reads for this - it holds 140 trillion times the mass of Earth's oceans. My head is honestly spinning just thinking about it. 140 trillion! That's crazy!

7. There is a volcano on Mars three times the size of Everest.

JESS' INPUT: Yep, her name is Olympus Mons and I would personally like to know why she didn't have a starring role in The Martian. Maybe it's because she would have easily outshined Matt Damon. Sorry, Matt.

8. In 3.75 billion years, the Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies will collide.

JESS' INPUT: I'll be honest, my brain doesn't even know where to begin processing this. I can't... compute. What is this... I can't... Sorry, I'm shutting down. Jess out!

7 OREO FLAVOURS

7. Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos. - you can pretend you can handle spicy food by eating one of these. and doesn't that make you look cultured, huh? still... it's a weird mix of flavours. 5/10. 6. Peeps Oreos. - a solid 7/10 for taste... but you still feel guilty about eating a fluffy marshmallow chicken, hence the low ranking. 5. Oreo Mini. - all the 10/10 taste of a regular oreo but they're tiny so it's very easy to hide them when you want to sneakily eat them in class! a solid 12/10 for being so gosh darn convenient. 4. Golden Oreos. - look, you were brought up in ireland and that means that sometimes you just really, really want a custard cream, okay? this is america's answer to that and it comes in a delicious, compact oreo form. *chef's kiss* exquisite. 8.5/10 3. Mint Oreos. - honestly, it's so easy to feel halfway to sophisticated when you eat one of these. a solid 9/10. 2. Red Velvet Oreos. - CREAM CHEESE IS THE PEOPLE'S CHEESE!!! 10/10!!!!!! 1. Cinnamon Bun Oreos. - you nearly cried when you tasted these for the first time. the sun was shining. obama was president. your skin was clear, your crops were growing. the promise of tomorrow was as bright and warm as the feeling in your chest when that cinnamon-y biscuit-y goodness first met your tastebuds. you could write an essay on cinnamon bun oreos. 100000/10.

6 FAMILY MEMBERS

1. Jensen Greenfeld

Your dad is probably your favourite person in the world. You'd do anything for him - including deferring your college acceptance to keep an eye on him, because that's what family does. He's your rock, your best friend, and he's the most giving person you've ever met in your life. He and your mum met in university when he studied abroad for a year and they were instantly best friends, keeping in touch long after they'd graduated and your dad moved back home. He knew your mum always wanted a kid and so he gave her you. It's unconventional, you know that, and most people raised their eyebrows at him helping another woman conceive in such a short time after his wife passed away, but that's the kind of person your dad is. Generosity helped him through his grief. How could anyone criticise that? He taught you how to ride a bike, change a leaky exhaust and adopted Comet for you so you wouldn't feel so lonely when you moved to New York to be with him. When he ended up in hospital, you were beside yourself. But not because you had to stay with him now instead of going to college like you'd planned. You could never begrudge him that, not when so much of his own life has been dedicated to making sure you were happy.

2. Magda McTaggert

Your mum has never had the easiest life. Disowned by her parents after she came out to them, she had to make her own way in the world. That's something you've never been able to relate to, because she made sure that you always had people who loved you. When you were sick as a kid, she stayed up with you every night, barely getting any sleep herself. She was your champion when you began to learn sign language, and she held your hand when the doctors first began talking about your cochlear implants. You miss her when she's in Ireland and you're in America, but she's only ever a Skype call away.

3. Kinsey McTaggert

Technically, Kinsey is your step-mother. But you rarely refer to her as that. She's your ma. She's been in your life since you were three-years-old so keeping her at arms-length with a 'step' term doesn't feel right to you when she's just as much your family as your mum and dad are. Sure, you'll call her by your first name but that's because Kinsey is so terrifyingly, inexplicably, astronomically cool. She's been managing bands for her whole life, she has pink hair and she let you come on tour when you were younger and being homeschooled. Your fondest memories are the tour bus with your mum and Kinsey and whatever up and coming rockers had adopted you as their little sister. Kinsey is the reason you felt alright leaving your mum behind to start school in America. You know she's in safe hands with her wife.

4. Michelle Greenfeld

Michelle has pretty much hated you since the day you were born. Perhaps 'hate' is a strong word, but she highly dislikes you and never let you forget the fact that you're only her half-sister. In some ways, you get it. You came into the family shortly after her mum had died. Her dad had a kid with another woman and, even though there were absolutely no romantic feelings involved, it still must have felt like a kick in the teeth. You try your best to be accommodating of her feelings because you know she's not all bad. The ways she treats Brendan and especially Gabby is proof of that. She can be the perfect big sister - unfortunately, just not to you.

5. Brendan Greenfeld

Brendan likes you though, and you're so happy about that. Brendan is exactly what you want in a big brother. He's protective and funny and taught you all the cheats for his video games, so you're basically unstoppable when it comes to Mario Kart now. He was also the one that told Gabby to shut up when she saw you for the first time after you lost your hearing. He took learning sign language in his stride and always makes sure there's room for you to sit at movie night. Sometimes you worry that, if it ever came down to it, he'd still pick Michelle over you - full sibling loyalty and all. But maybe that's doing Brendan an injustice, because he's never been anything other than the perfect big brother to you.

6. Gabby Greenfeld

Gabby is a sweetheart. She might be a little flaky at times and come out with mildly offensive things, but you know that she means well. Michelle is her favourite but she loves you as well, even if she often turns her nose up at your love for scrunchies and denim jackets. She'd rather get you to wear something sparkly and show-y and while you'll never say no to glitter, you don't think that Gabby's closet is quite for you. In fact, you're pretty sure only she can pull it off. Gabby is wild and free and doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She's loving and loud and you want to make sure that you get to keep her around forever.

5 MEMORIES

memory one

You blush when Tor lets out a low whistle. "Some talent you've got there, Little J," he says. That makes you blush even more. Tor is just so nice. And has a handsome face. Kinsey says you're far too young to like boys yet and that you're far too smart to like someone like Tor. She says he goes through girls like a revolving door and you're not sure what that means, but you like the attention from him anyway. "I was just messing around," you smile, your fingers trailing over the keys again. He tips back his head and laughs. "Well, mess around anymore and I might be out of a job. Are you trying to upstage me?" Tor teases. Grinning, you shake your head and Serge wanders over. Normally, he's so tall and silent and sort of intimidating but his smile is warm when he reaches over to ruffle your hair. "Say the word and I'll kick Tor to the curb in an instant, Jess," he promises solemnly. You know that they're just joking, but it's nice to feel that sort of validation. Especially when you're a little kid and they're rockstars. That's why music is so special, it brings everyone together, even Irish Harry Potter enthusiasts and charming keyboardists with pretty eyes.

memory two

The headache has cleared up but you still feel groggy and confused and so you fall back asleep again, promising yourself that you'll ask after your mum when you wake up again. Because maybe then you'll be able to hear her. There's no such luck when you come to again. Everything is silent and it's too weird to even begin describing. You're confused at first but your mum's tears, your dad's shell-shocked expression and the grim line set around Kinsey's mouth helps you to put the pieces together. There's a kind looking doctor who's writing something on a notepad for you, and you already know what it's going to say before he places it in your lap. You've worked it out. You're deaf. It's as if years fall away from you at that moment. It's hard to reconcile the news with everything you know about yourself. Your whole childhood has been music and now what? That's gone away and you're just meant to be okay with it? How is that fair? With shaking hands, you take the pen from the doctor and write a reply. As soon as your mum reads it, she starts crying again but your dad finds it in himself to smile and he reaches over to squeeze your knee through the hospital bedsheets. He still has that piece of paper which is stupidly sentimental of him and you love him for it. It read: Okay. What's next?

memory three

At first, you were excited. After years of homeschooling, you're finally going to a proper high school and you get to see your dad every day. What's not to love about all of that? However, now that you're in New York, the nerves have started to settle in. What if no one wants to be your friend? What if the kids at school are weird about the deaf thing? What if they try and touch your implant? What if they don't let you join the soccer team even though Kinsey bought you new cleats specifically for that? Most of all, what if Michelle tries to smother you in your sleep? Your dad laughs when you voice that one aloud. "Don't you think you're being a little bit dramatic?" he asks you, fondly smoothing down your hair. You laugh along with him but you aren't so sure. That night at dinner, Michelle spears a meatball with her fork in such an aggressive manner, glaring at you all the while, that you think you're about to faint. No, you don't think you're being dramatic at all.

memory four

"Jess? Jess, are you alright?" At first, you can't even reply. You're too speechless. With shaking hands, you present him with the letter - your CalTech acceptance letter. Your dad cheers at once and he scoops you up into a hug and you think that you could just die of happiness right then and there. You're going to be studying aeronautical engineering. All of the hard work, the late night physics reading, the dedication to science club, the hours spent in your dad's garage understanding engines, the grease and oil covering your hands and your hair and your face. It was all worth it. And now it's one step closer to NASA.

memory five

A heart attack. Your dad isn't even old, and as far as you know he's always had a clean bill of health so what's changed. You stay silent all the way to the hospital and Brendan lets you. When you arrive, Gabby hugs you and even Michelle manages a watery smile your way. Then all four of you are allowed into see him. He's lying in bed, tubes attached to him, but he's sitting upright and he smiles at you, his kids, even if he does look sleepy. Then he cracks some sort of joke and hell if you can remember what it is. But that's what makes you cry. The idea of college goes flying right out the window. He argues with you, naturally. So you lie and tell him you were never that sure about it anyway. He doesn't believe you at first because that career path has been the only thing you've ever been sure about since you were 11-years-old. Maybe you're a good actress because eventually he relents and lets you stay with him. Or maybe, deep down, he's scared to be on his own now too.

4 CRUSHES

1. Tor Eklund

keyboard player for The Corkscrews

has the nicest set of teeth in the world

went through girls like a revolving door according to Kinsey

called you 'little J'

total dreamboat

saw you as a little sister

2. Graham O'Connell

striker for the boys football team in Ireland

had never seen or read Harry Potter but he had floppy hair so you were willing to make allowances

always complimented your football boots

was your first kiss

asked if the two of you could keep in touch when you moved to Canada

messaged you one day to say he'd started watching Harry Potter

you were overjoyed

messaged you again to say he didn't really like Remus Lupin

you well and truly dodged that bullet, didn't you?

3. Amanda Forbes

literally the prettiest girl you've ever seen in your life

was visiting Jasper in the summer with her family

was also a cheerleader

your bisexual awakening

said she wanted to kiss you because she had never kissed a girl before

kissed you lots of times that summer

ghosted you when she left and has a boyfriend now

well, fine then, Amanda

4. Steve Rogers aka Captain America

I mean, you're only bloody human, aren't you?

3 JOBS

1. Neighbourhood Dog Walker

You were fourteen. You needed some money. You loved dogs. It made perfect sense. All the neighbours trusted you to look after their pooches and you made about twenty different canine friends.

2. Apprentice Mechanic

When you told your dad you wanted to be an aeronautical engineer, he said that you needed hands on experience. It helped that he owned an auto shop. Convenient, right? He thought a week working alongside him would help you get to grips with things and prepare you for college. You kept working there for three years. You loved it so much.

3 Aeronatucial Engineer

With your dad on the mend, it doesn’t seem like such a pipe dream anymore. Now you’re at NYU and you feel lucky that they want you to study with them. It’s not CalTech but it’s still one step closer to NASA, and this way you still get to be close to your dad.

2 DOGS

1. Comet

2. Sirius

1 JESS

Bubbly, optimistic, generous, strong-willed, determined, resilient, resourceful, courageous, cheery, nurturing, reckless, stubborn, lacks self-awareness, self-conscious, easily influenced, cares too much about what other people think of her, total Gryffindor, eats too many Oreos, space nerd, deaf, soccer player, cheerleader, dog mom, half-Irish, half-American.

[jdgo51]

DAILY DEVOTIONAL FOR JULY 26, 2022

Unexpected Blessings

By Milton Looney (Alabama, USA)

READ LUKE 11:1-10

Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

MARK 11:24 (NIV)

"'I was raised in a Christian home and my early Christian education taught me the power of prayer. These lessons have stuck with me, and I have adopted different prayer habits through the years.

Unfortunately, I sometimes pray more for things than I pray “thank you.” Early in my career I prayed for a promotion that I felt qualified for and expected to receive. I did not get the job. I left that organization to seek other employment, and, for a period of time, my thoughts would often wander back to that job, wondering why my prayer had not been answered.

Years later, I am now retired from a career that brought me enjoyment, economic security, opportunities to contribute to society, professional credentials, and friendships with people that I would never have known had my original prayer request been granted. I am in awe now to know that God always gives us blessings, even when it sometimes comes in the form of God’s saying no."' A no answer in prayer isn't always negative. Often it leads us in the right direction and brings far greater benefit in the future. What we wanted might not have been the right thing to prosper us. He knows best!

Milton Looney (Alabama, USA)

TODAY'S PRAYER

"Loving God, thank you for blessing us much more than we deserve. Help us to recognize all the ways that you answer our prayers, especially when you answer in ways we do not hope for or expect. Amen."

Luke 11:1-10

"'1 Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.” 2 Jesus told them, “When you pray, say: ‘Father, uphold the holiness of your name. Bring in your kingdom. 3 Give us the bread we need for today. 4 Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who has wronged us. And don’t lead us into temptation.’” 5 He also said to them, “Imagine that one of you has a friend and you go to that friend in the middle of the night. Imagine saying, ‘Friend, loan me three loaves of bread 6 because a friend of mine on a journey has arrived and I have nothing to set before him.’ 7 Imagine further that he answers from within the house, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up to give you anything.’ 8 I assure you, even if he wouldn’t get up and help because of his friendship, he will get up and give his friend whatever he needs because of his friend’s brashness. 9 And I tell you: Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 Everyone who asks, receives. Whoever seeks, finds. To everyone who knocks, the door is opened." All we have to do is ask. We will get an answer and even if not the one we had hoped for; it will be the one best for us at that time. He is always looking our for us regardless of the situation. We can be hopeful and happy with the Lord. I am blessed by Him every day. Joe

[friskynotebook]

I Will Lay Me Down: A Han/Leia Fanfiction

With the warmer weather comes new Han/Leia fanfic from me!

After a long H/L hiatus (I haven’t written them since Christmas!), I managed to get my writing mojo back thanks to all the lovely ladies in the Discord server. I’m sure I’m forgetting people, but special thanks to @erindarroch, @jhgraham, @jainadurron, @corellian-smuggler, @jediofgrace, @galactic-starlight, @knightedrogue, @swimmergirl71, @zyra, FranAnubis81, and @jennycbs!

This is a pre-ESB fic set on Hoth: the cold’s getting to Leia’s nose, but she isn’t doing anything about it. Han decides to take action.

Special shout-out to @hansoloorgana and my space twin @fisherford40 for the beta work! Thank you for making this fic the best it can possibly be—love you both!

The title comes from “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel. You can listen to my favourite version here.

With all that said, on with the show!

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

Leia gritted her teeth as she worked at her data station. Why did we have to pick the coldest planet in the galaxy to set up our base? When other beings talked about the hells freezing over, she was now convinced they were talking about Hoth. Since they’d been here, the temperature had never gotten above -20 C—without the protective gear High Command scraped together in short order, the rebels would have surely froze to death.

Which is certainly what my nose is doing right now.

Leia sniffled again as she worked out coordinates on her datapad. She looked up, her eyes darting from side to side. I don’t think anyone heard me . . . She sighed. It seemed so minor, but the constant stream of mucus threatening to run down her face at any given moment annoyed her to no end. But it wasn’t just the actual sniffling—it was the sound. She was a reserved person—the Alderaani are, were, are reserved people. Combine that with a lifetime in the public eye as both a princess and a senator, and it’s safe to say she didn’t like drawing attention to herself with noises that, well, she couldn’t control.

Sniff. Leia thought back to her “princess lessons” when she was still in kindergarten with her father’s sisters. Her aunt Rouge in particular hated anything related to bodily fluids—during a particularly bad cold, she’d gently slapped Leia’s wrist whenever she sniffled or wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “Leia, that’s unbecoming of a princess!”

After that disastrous lesson, her mother had given her a silk handkerchief embroidered with her initials. “For when you need to clean yourself up and can’t escape to a ‘fresher.” Breha had smiled at her sick daughter and used the hankie to wipe her face.

Leia had still carried it with her, though she rarely used it. No matter what she was doing or who she was with, it was something that reminded her of her parents and her heritage—their everlasting faith and love in her, and the support of her people. That was what carried her through.

The day she left Alderaan to deliver the stolen Death Star plans, she was in a rush to pack a bag. As she hastily shoved the necessities in her small nerf leather suitcase, her silk handkerchief fell on the ground. Only noticing it as she headed for her bedroom door, she sighed. I’ll just grab it when I come back—

Leia gasped a little, the thought taking her aback. She swallowed and composed herself, focusing on her screen. Hoping her aunt Rouge wouldn’t strike her down for such an act, she wiped her nose delicately on the back of her hand.

______________________________________________________________

Leia threw the latest mysterious handkerchief on top of the ever-growing pile on the single chair in her quarters. How in the seven hells do they keep showing up? She shook her head at the language she had used. Too much time with scoundrels.

She sat on her bed, wracking her brain with any reason as to why these presents started showing up at her door. The majority of the rebels either respected her too much or were too afraid of her to play pranks on her. The Rogues, maybe? No, this was far too easy and therefore unsatisfactory for that wild bunch.

Which left her with two options: Luke or Han. She turned over to the hankie pile and picked up a few—two were cotton, the other silk. Though Han definitely had a softer side she’d been seeing more and more of over the past year, the quality of the fabrics led her to believe Luke was the one with the special deliveries.

She tossed them back on the pile and laid down on the bed, determined to talk to him in the morning.

______________________________________________________________

“Luke?” Leia slid into the seat in front of Luke’s in the mess hall. As always, he was the first person in the mess, drinking his blue milk and eating his Vakiir eggs and Panna cakes.

“Morning Leia!” He grinned and took a sip of caf. “Sleep alright?”

“I did,” she replied, absently tapping the pads of her fingers on the table. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, you can ask me anything!” He pushed his tray over to her, wanting to share his food with her.

Leia pushed it back. “Have you been . . . leaving me things? Outside my quarters?”

He looked taken aback. “No, not at all!”

“Are you sure? You haven’t left presents for me from time to time?”

“No!” he said, squaring his shoulders slightly. “What kind of presents have you been getting? Why would someone leave things outside your quarters?”

Leia smiled at his protectiveness. “It’s nothing bad,” she reassured him. “Whoever it is, they’ve been leaving me handkerchiefs. Nice ones, actually.” She started picking at her shirtsleeve. “Last night, they left me two cotton ones and a silk one.”

Luke relaxed his shoulders and raised an eyebrow, looking a little like Leia herself. “Sounds like whoever’s leaving those presents really cares.”

She allowed herself a small smile, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “That doesn’t matter. At least not now. I just want to know who it is.”

He turned back to his lukewarm breakfast. “I can put out some feelers, ask the Rogues?”

“No, don’t ask them! It’ll be halfway around the base by lunch,” she replied, looking over her shoulder. “Just . . . keep your ears open for me?”

“Sure, Leia,” he grinned, taking a bite of Panna cake.

______________________________________________________________________

Leia was plaiting her dark hair for bed when a loud knock interrupted her.

“Your Worshipfulness?”

She huffed, a long strand of hair floating up in the air with her breath. Even with just two words, she could already feel her defenses rising up. Grabbing a robe and throwing it on, she went to the door and opened it, crossing her arms in the doorframe.

“Yes, Captain?”

He cocked an eyebrow at her half-plaited hair. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Does it matter?” she retorted, matching his eyebrow. “What can I help you with?”

He nodded towards her quarters. “Can I come in for a sec?”

She looked at him with her large brown eyes, narrowing them slightly. What does he want? After a beat, she decided he had good intentions and moved aside.

Han sauntered in, shutting the door behind him. “So a little Lantern bird told me that someone’s been leavin’ you presents outside your quarters.”

Luke . . . Leia sighed, her back towards Han. I swear I’m going to kill him. She turned around, her mouth open to deflect, when she saw him holding a purple cotton handkerchief.

Her mouth was agape for a moment before she recovered. “Where . . . Where did you get that?”

“This particular one? Or the others? Because I got this one during my last mission on Trogan.”

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Why did it have to be him? Although . . . Is it really all that bad? I mean, he has been thinking of you, bringing you things—stop it, Organa! He’s leaving, he’s going away, don’t get too close . . .

Leia opened her eyes. “Why?” she finally asked.

“Because you need them,” he replied simply.

Her heart sunk deeper in her chest. Gods, why does he have to say things like that? “Han . . .”

“But clearly you haven’t been making use of them.”

His retort snapped her brain back into focus. “I didn’t ask you to bring me anything.”

“I know—”

“So why do you care if I use them or not?”

He gave her a look of disbelief. “Because they’re something you need and for some unknown reason you aren’t using any of them. I’m tryna help and something’s stopping you from taking the help, and I just wanna know why, your Highnessness!”

Leia huffed through her nose, biting back a remark that rested on the tip of her tongue. He’s pushing your buttons, Organa. “Because . . . it’s not . . . princess-like!”

He gaped at her. “Not princess-like? Sweetheart, we’re in the middle of a war, on a kriffing cold—”

“It’s not like that! You wouldn’t understand,” she sighed, plopping down on her stool and plaiting her hair again.

“Try me,” he challenged, placing himself where he knew she could still see him.

She set her brush down on the counter and leaned back in her chair. “I can’t—It’s not—” Leia clenched her teeth, annoyed with herself. “It’s not that simple.”

“What isn’t?”

“This!” she exclaimed, waving her arms around. She let out a breath and placed her hands on her thighs, trying to put her sentences together. “You’re in the cold, your nose runs, you wipe it or blow it, right?”

He frowned. “Right.”

“When you’re Alderaani, especially when you’re Alderaani royalty, it’s . . . not what you do. We’re a reserved people, we don’t like drawing attention to ourselves with bodily fluids or anything like that. With royalty, it’s even worse. We don’t show things like that to the public—not because we’re ashamed, but because it’s just protocol. It’s in line with our culture.”

Han nodded, letting her words sink in. “But Leia, we aren’t on Alderaan, things are different,” he replied.

She winced a little. “That’s the problem. I know things are different now, but I can’t—It’s ingrained—It’s not something we do.”

He leaned against the desk in front of her. “You’re afraid of letting go of Alderaan,” he rumbled.

Leia’s palms started sweating. “They are—were—my people,” she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. “I owe it to them to try, to not forget.”

“Adapting isn’t forgetting,” he murmured. “No one here will think less of you for doing what you have to do.”

She swallowed. “I know it seems silly—”

“It isn’t,” he replied automatically.

Leia glanced at the handkerchief still in his hand. “My mother gave me a silk handkerchief when I was a girl. I had a cold and my Aunt Rouge kept getting mad when I wiped my nose on my hand.”

Han’s eyes widened for a moment, but didn’t say anything.

“It was like keeping my parents close—no matter what I was doing, how hard it was, I always had them. I knew who I was, what I represented, and I could always go back to them.”

She looked up at him with her large brown eyes. “I don’t know how to live without Alderaan,” she confided.

His hand twitched on his thigh. “I know,” he whispered.

Even though he didn’t truly know what it was like to lose a planet, Leia knew he was sincere—he did know how hard this was for her. She curled up into her seat. “I almost don’t want to move on, because that means . . . acknowledging it’s gone.”

“Leia,” he murmured. “Blowing your nose won’t make you forget Alderaan.”

She almost smirked at the absurdity of the sentence. “You think so?”

“The planet might be gone, but Alderaan still lives in you and all the other survivors. And adapting to the cold won’t take away from your culture.”

She rested her forehead on her knees as she listened to him. “In my head, I know you’re right, but all of it still feels gone.”

“Nothing’s ever really gone.”

She looked up at him.

“Not in your heart, at least.”

He straightened up and placed the purple cotton handkerchief in her hand, quietly leaving her quarters.

______________________________________________________________________

The next day on base, the temperature seemed to have dropped ten degrees—certainly not the best weather for sitting at a data desk doing data analysis. After spending the last half hour staring at the same coordinates while shivering, Leia decided it was high time for a short walk around the base.

Taking the time to stretch her legs for a moment, she started at a brisk pace, finding herself walking towards the hangar. But just before she made it there, her nose started running at the same pace as her legs.

She stopped for a moment, trying to sniffle it back. Unfortunately for her, it had a mind of its own and kept going. A few more sniffles later, she realized it wasn’t stopping any time soon. Leia felt around her pocket, finding the handkerchief Han had left in her hand the night before.

She felt the material for a moment, taking a deep breath. Folding it over and holding it up to her nose, she blew into the cotton softly, not caring who was around her or watching.

Meanwhile, hanging around outside the Falcon, a certain rogue smuggler spotted her out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

[tanadrin]

Reordberend

(Part 12 of ?; start; previous; next)

Some days later, they were taking turns sitting on a pile of rocks above the village, seeing how far they could throw stones. Leofe, despite never having been cyberized, or indeed never having even seen the inside of a modern aug clinic, easily outdistanced Katherine every time. Maybe her augs had been offline so long she was reverting to baseline. That was a worrying thought.

Leofe paused, rock in hand, and looked at her. “You know,” she said, “It’s astonishing how badly you speak.”

“I thought I was talk better now?” Katherine said.

“Better. But still, astonishing.” Leofe looked at her rock pensively for a moment, then threw it. It landed fully twice as far away as Katherine’s had.

“Even children don’t make any of the mistakes you do,” Leofe said. “You find the words easily enough. You just don’t know what to do with them.”

Katherine had gone to bed that night with a warm, satisfied glow. So she was making progress at least.

Despite his shyness at first, Leofric turned out to be a little more sociable than his sister, when he realized Katherine could understand him well enough.

“Don’t worry,” he said to her one day while they were fixing road-posts. “Leofe is sharp, but she means well.”

Katherine opted not to mention the incident with the knife.

“And you learn so quickly. She’s a good teacher, no? All the children love her.”

Katherine found that pretty hard to believe.

“Say to me,” Katherine said, “I not first outlander here to come, yes?”

“No,” said Leforic. “Not the first.”

“You know other? His name? When he come?”

“That was before I was born,” he said.

“Your parents?”

“I don’t know.” And I don’t want to talk about it, the tone of his voice added.

Trying to get any information out of Leofe or Leofric about the history of their people was like pulling teeth. They would acknowledge only that their people had not always lived in the Dry Valleys, the place they called the Stonedales. But they would not say how they had come here, or why they spoke a dead language, and why they shunned cyberization, or outside contact. And when Katherine approached the others in the village, they were even less helpful. The few people who had begun to acknowledge her existence at mealtimes started pointedly ignoring her again.

Katherine had never been so lonely in her life.

She did her best to take notes on the Dry Valleys People. She didn’t have her memory augs, or even anything to write with, and Leofe indicated the writing materials they did have were too precious to be wasted on the likes of Katherine. So she did her best to memorize things as they occurred to her, in the chanting fashion of Leofe’s people.

Lovely Leofe likes to argue; Lanky Leofric has a loping stride. From post to post he quickly passes, Races miles at a runner’s pace. Nine villages, known to me. In each a hundred in all their houses. Diet of meat and boiled mosses. Political organization? Possibly elders? Possibly patriarchal, by their pattern of names. Hunters, not herdsmen. Grow moss in the hills? Water from glaciers, hence village’s location.

Okay, so that one didn’t alliterate. But it was pretty obvious.

Even if he didn’t talk about history much, Leofric was a reliable source of gossip, especially at mealtimes.

“You see that one, next to my father? That’s his friend, Andrac.”

“Tall, big face hair?”

“Yes. He’s from two valleys over. He goes overland in the summers. They hunt, out on the ice.”

“On the ice? No animal on ice, yes?”

“They don’t hunt animals. They hunt dragons.”

Katherine wasn’t sure she’d heard that right. The word meant either dragons or worms.

“Hunt dragons?”

“Yes. You know, very big. Tough hide. Spit fire.”

Katherine struggled to form the right question in her mind, frustrated that she didn’t know the words.

“But, but. Dragons not. Is not. Dragons not be.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“Are not dragons on, on, uh, on dirt.”

“No, on the ice. Like I said. Overland.” He gestured vaguely up the valley.

“Ah!” Katherine let out a cry of frustration. “No hunt is not thing be!”

Leofric shook his head.

“No, sorry, I really don’t understand.”

“Ugh, forget it,” Katherine said in English. “If he hunts dragons, he hunts goddamn dragons.”

“Oh, you see her?” Leforic pointed to someone else. “She says she’s a witch. She’s not really, she just wants people to leave her alone.”

Katherine turned this cryptic statement over in her mind, but didn’t bother trying to interrogate it. No use. She did her best to remember though.

Witches are lonely, Leofric says. And Andrac dares dragons to hunt, Out on the ice, Antarctica’s wastes.

She tried to ask Leofric as much as she could. Even if he couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about his people’s history, maybe he could talk about their present.

“How village arrange?”

“Sorry?”

“How you make leader? Er… king? Lord?”

Leofric laughed. “No, we don’t have a king.”

“What you have?”

Leofric didn’t seem to understand the question. “We don’t have anything like that.”

God dammit, she thought. How the hell did you say “formal or informal power structures” in a language you barely spoke?

“How you answer question as group?”

“You mean, how do we know things? With books. And history. We’re not stupid, you know.”

“No, no.” Katherine shook her head. “How you make, uh, make decision?”

“Decisions about what?”

“About everything. About where house, about how much food. About, uh, about to hunt dragon?”

“We do as we want. We are a free people, aren’t we?”

Katherine didn’t really know how to answer that.

A free people fared south, Over the sea to an icy shore. Here they hoped a haven to find, In stony halls on stony ground. Why the hell would they come here To this frozen shithole, the barren buttock Of God’s creation?

Ugh. That didn’t even scan. Whatever.

Leofe’s lessons continued unabated, and with no diminishing sense of urgency. Katherine now tracked her days in verses and paragraphs and pages, not in days. One evening, right when they finished the Gospel of Luke, Leofe announced a sudden end to the lesson, despite the fact it wasn’t even dinnertime.

“So soon?” Katherine asked. “But what about killing me so the snow doesn’t have to?”

Leofe shrugged. “You’re doing better,” she said. “Not so lazy lately. You can afford a night of rest. And tomorrow you have to get up early.” Then she had turned, and abruptly departed from the room.

Despite her encouragement, Katherine could not help but feel uneasy. That night, she tossed and turned; got up for a few hours to sit over the gospel-book and go over a few passages that had given her trouble; then gone back to bed and slept badly. She was awake as soon as Leofe entered her room that morning, no boot-prodding necessary, though it was hours earlier than usual. Leofe waited for her to get dressed in silence.

“What’s going on?” Katherine asked. But Leofe didn’t answer.

They went out from the village. Katherine realized to her surprise that she had completely lost track of how long she had been in Antarctica. The sun was low in the sky--far lower than it had been when she’d set out. Perhaps any day now, it would sink below the horizon for good, and the six-month-long Antarctic night would begin. Katherine had already looked forward to that long darkness with uneasiness before she set out from Dublin. Now, cut off as she was from the outside world, it seemed even more ominous.

Leofe led her out along one of the paths that led up into the hills; but Katherine soon realized this was not one they had taken before. It bent back on itself repeatedly, avoiding climbing too steeply, and she could not see where it led; finally, as they approached a great cleft in the hillside, she saw that it disappeared into the gap. Leofe led her to the cleft, and pointed into it. Katherine followed her hand. The cleft was the opening of a cave. Not a natural cave. There was a narrow, low passage, cut with tools, that quickly vanished in darkness. Leofe produced a candle from her coat, and stepped into the mouth of the cavern. Sheltering the candle from the draft, she lit it and beckoned Katherine to follow.

Katherine was not given to panic in small spaces, but she couldn’t help but feel a little anxious in the constricting space. It sloped down gently for twenty paces, then began to rise once it was deep inside the hill. As they walked up the slope, Katherine realized there was a dim light coming from ahead of them. They were not the first ones here. After another thirty paces, the passage ended suddenly; it opened into a great, cavernous chamber.

They entered the chamber and took their seats at a stone bench along the rear wall. The bench, like the chamber itself, had been carved out of the rock of the hillside. Painstakingly, Katherine imagined; given the technological proclivities of the Dry Valleys People, it must have been the work of hundreds of bodies, over years. There was space for two hundred people to stand around comfortably here. Benches lined three walls, and in a circle around the middle of the room, narrow pillars rose sharply up to the ceiling. A cleft in the ceiling, some natural fissure of rock, admitted a small sliver of sky, but mostly the room was lit by lamps and candles set in alcoves and on spurs of stone around the room and on the pillars themselves.

But the chamber was not lined with unadorned rock. The floor had been grooved with sharp, tile-like patterns that radiated outward from the middle of the room. When they reached the walls and the feet of the pillars, they contorted themselves, and twisted suddenly into sinuous shapes that wound back into each other, like vines or nests of serpents, all the way to the ceiling. And on the far wall, opposite the entrance, where the floor was a little raised like a platform, the curling patterns opened up, and united to form the outline of seventeen great portraits, each as high as a person, each different in appearance. A few were men, a few were women. A few, Katherine couldn’t quite tell. Each head wore what looked like a crown; each pair of eyes was shut, as if deep in thought or sleeping. Lamplight flickered across their faces.

“What is this place?” Katherine asked Leofe quietly.

“Quiet,” Leofe said. She pointed to the opposite side of the room.

There were aged men and women standing there. Some that Katherine recognized from the house where they had passed sentence on her. There were twenty or thirty of them now, and they spoke together in quiet tones, which bounced off the rock but did not come to Katherine’s ear in any intelligible form. As they stood there, gradually Katherine became aware than more were filtering in to the room. Some she recognized from the village below. Some she did not.

“They decide today?” Katherine asked Leofe. Leofe only nodded. “You didn’t tell me.”

Leofe shrugged. “It would not have helped. You are ready, or you aren’t.” Leofe looked down at the ground. After a long pause, she said “I did everything I could for you.”

They sat there for another hour, as more people arrived, in twos and threes mostly. Katherine noticed that as they came into the chamber, everyone fell silent, even if they had been in the middle of a sentence. No one approached the platform where the old men and women stood. There was a practically funeral air in the chamber, and Katherine wondered if her fate hadn’t already been decided.

Part of her wanted to stand up, stride into the middle of the room, and shout for their attention. Make a fuss. Mess with their heads. Yell cuss words in their holy place. But another part of her, the part of her that had paid careful attention watching the villagers interacting in the hall, the part of her that watched Leofe carefully every day, to see what that impassive mask of her hid, that part quietly said no. That there is a time for yelling and cussing and making a scene. This is not it. You do not impress these people, and if you force their hand, they will not be gentle.

So Katherine sat quietly, and waited for something to happen.

Finally, when it seemed no one else was likely to arrive, and Katherine’s butt was beginning to suggest even something hard and flat in wood would feel like a royal throne in comparison to what it was currently planted on, something did happen. Some unseen signal swept through the room. The old people on the platform stopped talking, and turned to face everyone else. The rest of the room organized itself; people got up off benches, came away from the walls, gathered in the middle of the room, and faced the platform. Leofe stood up quickly, and motioned for Katherine to follow.

The figures parted as she approached, and they watched her go past. Leofe pointed to a spot right in front of the platform, in the empty space in front of the crowd. Katherine walked to it, and looked around her.

Once again, she had the uncomfortable feeling of an insect under a magnifying glass.

One of the men, white-haired with a thick beard, stepped forward. His face was lined and worn, and he might have played the part of a loving grandfather, or a kindly professor, in some other context. But the expression he wore suggested that he had never smiled in his life; that, indeed, frivolity was something he thoroughly disapproved of, and the only acceptable alternatives to work and study were sleep or death. He looked at Katherine, then at the crowd, then back at Katherine.

“You are Katherine Alice Green?” he said. He made no effort to speak carefully or slowly like Leofe did, but Katherine fixed her attention on every syllable.

“I am,” she said.

“You have come to the Stone Valleys against our law,” he said. “You are an invader. An outsider. In times past, men and women such as you have come among us, and they have made life very hard for us. We have never sheltered them, nor asked them for aid of any kind in return. We do not seek or tolerate the presence of outlanders. This, we believe, is known to your people. Yet you are here.”

To Katherine’s surprise, Leofe spoke from behind her.

“My father found her on the shore of the ice. She was nearly dead and half-starved. She comes here through no fault--”

“Be silent, Leofe. You are not part of this. It is for you to speak, Katherine Green.”

“Um. I. Ah…” Katherine’s brain was working overtime, trying to explain how she got to the Dry Valleys. Why she had come here. What she meant, in a way that would not invariably make everything worse. But worst of all, suddenly all the words she had been carefully gathering over the past few weeks had vanished. Poof, gone, flown away. She could not find any of them. “I’m not sure how to explain in a way--”

“You will speak in our tongue,” the man said sharply.

Ugh. This was her oral exams all over again. Why couldn’t she find the stupid words? She looked over at Leofe, who was staring at her with frightening intensity. She wished she knew what Leofe was thinking. This kid is doomed, maybe. All that work for nothing.

Katherine took a deep breath. No. This was like the shore. She was not going to give up, not here. Not if she could help it. She pushed down her panic, closed her eyes, and thought very carefully about what she wanted to say.

[dalyunministry]

Pas. Johnraj Lamech

Greetings in the matchless Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Topic: The First Persecution of the Church – Lessons for Christian Service!

Rhema Word: Acts 4:19-20 (NKJV) “But Peter and John answered and said to them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.”

Let’s pray. Our Gracious Loving Father, thank you for giving us an opportunity to meditate Your Word today along with your children who have been called to live a holy life Father. I commit everyone who are all meditating this message into your mighty hand Father. Bless them and give them the oneness of Spirit and make their heart as a good land to receive each and every Word which is living and active Lord. Thank You Holy Spirit for helping us to understand the in-depth treasure of Your Word and helping us to live a life as per Your Word Lord. We give all the Glory and Honour to You only Father. We pray in the mighty Name of Your beloved Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Bible recorded the first persecution of the church in Acts 4:1-21. There are several challenging lessons for Christian service. Let us try to understand the following today with the help of Holy Spirit:

1] Persecution (Acts 4:1):

2] Religionists – Persecution – Worldliness : (Acts 4:2-4):

3] Jesus Christ – the Power: (Acts 4:5-10):

4] Jesus Christ – The Stone – Salvation: (Acts 4:11-12)

5] Jesus Christ – Fellowship with Disciples: (Acts 4:13-14):

6] Peter & John suffered threats (Acts 4:15-18):

7] Peter & John – Witnessing: (Acts 4:19-20):

8] The result: All men praised God (Acts 4:21-22):

1] Persecution (Acts 4:1):

The Bible says in Acts 4:1-2 ”Now as they spoke to the people, the priests, the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees came upon them, being greatly disturbed that they taught the people and preached in Jesus the resurrection from the dead.”

Peter and John were arrested “while they were speaking”, that is, while they were preaching and tried. Remember that the cripple had walked through the temple leaping and praising God (Acts 3:8-11). A huge throng of thousands had rushed to see the cripple who had been healed and to hear the message being proclaimed by the two men who had such power. The temple was a massive building which could hold thousands. The excitement and noise were bound to attract attention and bring the temple authorities to the scene.

Yes, what they saw and heard disturbed them to no end. They thought they had eliminated the “Jesus movement” eight weeks earlier when they had crucified Jesus. They had heard about the preaching incident several days earlier and how excited the people had become (Acts 2:51). Now, these two men (Peter and John) were publicly preaching the rumour that God had raised Jesus from the dead. And they were preaching, of all places, in the temple precincts.

It was time to investigate the matter, to nip the movement in the bud before it could spread. Please note that those who came to arrest them, as mentioned above, stopped Peter right in the middle of his message. The priests were probably those who were officiating in the temple at that particular time, the captain of the temple who is the chief of staff to the High Priest and the Sadducees.

2] Religionists – Persecution – Worldliness : (Acts 4:2-4):

Peter and John suffered abuse because they preached the resurrection. The officials were threatened by the preaching of Jesus being raised from the dead. They knew that it was the nature of people to respond to hope, especially to great hope. They also knew that great excitement existed within the people’s heart for the coming of the Messiah and that it would take only a small spark of hope to set the excitement aflame.

Yes, they just could not allow Jesus to be preached, not the hope of resurrection, for the resurrection meant that all men who followed Him would arise. People ached and were ripe for such a message. Therefore, the authorities, knowing the nature of man and the situation, were threatened. If the people turned to the new movement, the authorities feared for the following reasons:

a) They feared the loss of the people – their loyalty, recognition and esteem.

b) They feared the loss of position, authority, and livelihood. If they lost the loyalty of the people or allowed a disturbance, the Romans would replace them with other officials. The Romans were usually tolerant, but they were quick to stamp out disorder and disloyalty.

c) They feared the people might begin to think that their doctrine was wrong. If they allowed the preaching of the resurrection to continue, they would be admitting that God had bypassed them and revealed the truth to others. Their own “spiritual condition” and beliefs and teachings would be suspect. They were the secure “religionists” and the official religious leaders. Therefore, they would be jeopardizing their own religion and leadership among the people. They would be undermining their own sense of security and their sense of being acceptable to God.

d) They feared acknowledging they were wrong in crucifying Jesus. If He were truly the risen Son of God, then they were sinners, chief sinners, guilty of denying and rejecting God’s Son.

Apostle James says in James 4:4 “Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

Apostle John says in 1 John 2:14-15 “ I have written to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one. Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

Please note the same fears strike so many even today, causing them not to support true man and movement of God, not to rock the boat, not to do what is right.

Also, please note too many seek after the things of the world and of religion instead of really serving God. They seek after acceptance, recognition, authority, possessions, bigger and better, esteem, position, power and wealth.

Yes, the authorities arrested Peter and John. It was late afternoon, too late for a trial, so they jailed them for the night. But just note a significant fact: before Peter was arrested, he had shared enough of the gospel for the crowd to respond. Yes, five thousand men (not counting women and children) made decisions for Christ. The Bible records this in Acts 4:3-4 ”And they laid hands on them, and put them in custody until the next day, for it was already evening. However, many of those who heard the word believed; and the number of the men came to be about five thousand.”

Yes, persecution did not stop the Word and the Spirit of God from working. Souls were saved despite the abuse and opposition. What a lesson for believers to keep on in their preaching and witnessing no matter the opposition!

Prophet Isaiah says in Isaiah 55:11 “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”

Apostle Paul says in 2 Timothy 2:8-9 “Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained.”

3] Jesus Christ – the Power: (Acts 4:5-10):

Peter and John credited Christ with the power to heal and to change lives in Acts 4:5-10 “And it came to pass, on the next day, that their rulers, elders, and scribes, as well as Annas the high priest, Caiaphas, John, and Alexander, and as many as were of the family of the high priest, were gathered together at Jerusalem. And when they had set them in the midst, they asked, “By what power or by what name have you done this?” Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers of the people and elders of Israel: If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what means he has been made well, let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole.”

Here, the following few points are to be noted:

a) The question on the court asked was straight to the point. “By what power, or what name did you do this (miracle which healed the man)?” The court was doing exactly what God had said to do. God had instructed Israel to try every man who claimed to be a prophet and working signs and wonders among the people (Deuteronomy 13:1-5). If the man was not a true prophet, he was to be executed.

But there is more to their questioning than this. They knew Peter was preaching the resurrection through Jesus Christ. They had to stop it or risk losing the loyalty of the people and their position and livelihood, so they were seeking opportunity to accuse and stop Peter and John.

Their questioning also involved something more. As they were the religious leaders, they thought the power could not be of God. If God should choose to do some marvellous work, especially in the temple, they thought He would choose to reveal such work to them, the traditional religious leaders. Therefore they felt the “name” and the “power” that healed the crippled must be diabolical (Luke 11:15).

Here, two lessons are to be drawn: (i) Men in leadership, leaders, in both state and religion, face some common sins, that is, the seeking of position, riches, authority, recognition, influence and being exclusive. The flesh, that is, the sinful human nature is the culprit. But bureaucratic, institutional, established positions lend themselves to the sins.

(ii) Every believer, minister and group must guard against thinking that God can work only through them. God is always bringing new faces and groups into the picture to do His work. He must, for the mission is so enormous and there is still so much to do – so many who have not yet heard and been helped – bring new faces and groups to do His work.

b) God equipped Peter and John with the Holy Spirit. Just note how quickly God came to the rescue: “Then Peter filled with the Holy Spirit”. Yes, Peter had not even had time to speak, and God was present, filling Peter with the Holy Spirit. God’s Spirit was ready to take over and give Peter the words to say.

Here, another lesson to learn. Just note, the believer who is ready to proclaim Christ will never be left alone. The Holy Spirit will be present to speak through him.

This is what Jesus told to His disciples in Matthew 10:18-20 “You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.”

Luke also recorded this in Luke 21:12-15 “But before all these things, they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons. You will be brought before kings and rulers for My name’s sake. But it will turn out for you as an occasion for testimony. Therefore settle it in your hearts not to meditate beforehand on what you will answer; for I will give you a mouth and wisdom which all your adversaries will not be able to contradict or resist.”

c) Peter and John credited Christ with the power to make men whole. Here, Peter declared three critical points:

(i) It was “the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth” that made the man whole. Just note that Jesus is called the “Christ” (Messiah). Peter was declaring that men must know that Jesus is the true Messiah and there must be no doubt which Jesus: it was the Jesus of Nazareth. He is the Messiah, the Saviour whom God promised to send to the world.

(ii) It was Jesus Christ (Messiah) whom you crucified. Remember, Peter was speaking to the top leaders of the nation. He boldly charged them with killing not only a man, but the Messiah. What an indictment! To be charged with killing the Son of God Himself!

(iii) It was Jesus whom God raised from the dead that made the man well. Yes, Peter was declaring that it was the power of the resurrected and ascended Messiah, the Lord of heaven and earth who had such power. Hallelujah!!!

4] Jesus Christ – The Stone – Salvation: (Acts 4:11-12)

Peter and John proclaimed salvation. Peter had just shared the source of his power, the name of Jesus Christ. He now proclaimed that the salvation is in Jesus. And to strike the point home, he used the declaration of prophetic Scripture in Acts 4:11-12 “This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.’ Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

a) Jesus Christ is the Head, that is, the Chief Cornerstone of God’s building. Psalmist says in Psalm 118:22 “ The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone.” Here, we see two truths:

Truth (i): God gave man the Head Cornerstone of His building, the life He wanted to build. But men rejected the stone – counted it as no good, unacceptable, of no account, of no worth. Men rejected God’s Head Stone and went about finding their own chief stone and building their lives as they wished.

Truth (ii): But God took His Stone, despite man’s rejection, and still made Him the Head of the corner. God has exalted Jesus Christ and made Him the Head of life.

That’s what Peter firmly told in Acts 4:11 “This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.”

Jesus also indicated this in Matthew 21:42 “Have you never read in the Scriptures: ‘The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. This was the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes’?”

Apostle Paul while writing to Ephesians said in Ephesians 2:19-22 “Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.”

b) Jesus Christ alone saves. There is no other Head, no other exalted Lord; therefore, no man can be saved by any other head or lord or by any other name under heaven. Yes, no teacher is capable enough, no prophet is noble enough, no minister is good enough to save himself, much less anyone else. Therefore, no matter the claim – no matter the indulgence and strength of the name – the man comes far, far short of being God’s chosen Head. No man has the name by which God saves men. All men are mortal. No man can make another man immortal. Therefore, God’s Head, the name which God uses to save men, must be eternal. ONLY ONE MAN is ETERNAL: JESUS CHRIST THE SON OF MAN HIMSELF.

That is what Jesus said in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Jesus further said to the Pharisees in John 8:23-24 “You are from beneath; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”

That is why Peter declared very firmly in Acts 4:12 “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

Apostle Paul while writing to Corinthians says in 1 Corinthians 2:2 “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” He further says in 1 Corinthians 3:11 “For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.”

5] Jesus Christ – Fellowship with Disciples: (Acts 4:13-14):

Peter and John gave evidence that they had been with Jesus. The Bible says in Acts 4:13-14 “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who had been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say.”

Please note a striking fact here: it was the courage and power of Peter and John that caused the rulers to recognize them. The rulers had witnessed the same courage and power in Jesus. And now it was courage and power that identified these two men as having been with Jesus.

Another fact: the courage and power were not due to education and learning. It was due to their having “been with Jesus”. The clear evidence that a person has been with Jesus is “courage and power”. The man healed and made whole stood before the “Court of the World”. Therefore, the world was silenced. The enemies of Christ could not refute the claim, for the claim was not profession only. The claim was backed up by the evidence of a miracle, of a changed life: a man was healed and made whole.

Here, three lessons are to be drawn: (i) What a challenge to believers! We must be with Jesus; we must spend time, much time with Him. He is the source of courage and power.

(ii) There is only one evidence that we belong to Jesus. Do we live in His courage and power? If we have been with Jesus, then His courage and power are present within us. We are living and witnessing in boldness and power.

(iii) What a change the world would know if believers spent enough time with Jesus to receive His courage and power.

Yes, the rulers astonished in Acts 4:13 “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.”

Jesus said in Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Author of Hebrews says in Hebrews 4:16 “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Apostle John says in 1 John 1:3 “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ.”

Yes, even today our Lord Jesus is standing at the door and knocking our hearts. Shall we open our hearts so that He can commune with us? The Bible says in Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”

That is why David confidently says from his experience and fellowship with God in Psalm 5:3 “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”

David further said in Psalm 55:17 “Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice.”

The Psalmist Asaph says in Psalm 77:12 “I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds.”

6] Peter & John suffered threats (Acts 4:15-18):

Peter and John suffered threats. The court had Peter and John escorted from the council chambers so they could discuss the matter and reach a verdict in Acts 4:15-18 “But when they had commanded them to go aside out of the council, they conferred among themselves, saying, “What shall we do to these men? For, indeed, that a notable miracle has been done through them is evident to all who dwell in Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. But so that it spreads no further among the people, let us severely threaten them, that from now on they speak to no man in this name.” So they called them and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus.”

Yes, they acknowledged that an “outstanding” – clear and unmistakable – miracle had been done. The man was healed and made whole. Secondly, all the people knew the man had been transformed. Thirdly, they could not deny the miracle. They would have but the evidence (the power of Jesus Christ), the man made whole, stood before them.

Here, the lesson to be drawn: the great need of the hour is for lame men to be made whole, transformed by the power of Christ. When a man is truly transformed, the world cannot deny it. The power of Christ stands within them as evidence that He is the risen and exalted Lord.

The rulers knew they must stop the new movement, suppress it from spreading any further among the people as recorded in Acts 4:17 “But so that it spreads no further among the people, let us severely threaten them, that from now on they speak to no man in this name.”

At this point, they did not dare take drastic steps lest the people cause a disturbance that would bring the Romans down upon them. Their decision was to threaten Peter and John, forbidding them to speak or teach in the name of Jesus.

Please note that the orders and decisions of the court were binding except in the death penalty (which had to be referred to the Romans). The court’s orders had to be obeyed or else Peter and John would face severe consequences.

Jesus while teaching His disciples and the people said in Matthew 5:11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.”

Jesus further said in Matthew 10:22 “You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.”

Apostle Paul while writing to Timothy says in 2 Timothy 3:12 “In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”

7] Peter & John – Witnessing: (Acts 4:19-20):

Peter and John refused to compromise their message as recorded in Acts 4:19-20 “But Peter and John replied, “Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to him? You be the judges! As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”

There are two important reasons:

(i) God is to be obeyed before men. The highest authority must always be obeyed. This is the very basis of men and their laws. It is the word of the highest authority that men must carry out. Peter and John challenged the world: Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God” (v.19)

Jesus had commanded them to preach time and again in Matthew 28:19-20 “Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Jesus further said in John 20:21 “Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”

Yes, they had to obey Him. They could do no other, for the highest possible authority had spoken. They were commissioned by God to speak and teach the resurrection, even in the face of opposition and persecution.

Here, the lesson to be drawn: how can believers keep silent about Christ and His glorious salvation? He has commanded us to speak and teach, to bear witness and testimony to the living Lord.

(ii) A man must testify to what he has seen and heard. Here, these two disciples were claiming to have seen and heard Jesus after His resurrection as well as during His ministry.

Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:13-14 “And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you.”

Further, he says in 2 Corinthians 5:10-11 “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience.” He continues in Verses 14-15 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”

Apostle Peter says in 1 Peter 3:15-16 “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

Apostle John reiterates in his epistle 1 John 1:3 “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.”

Prophet Isaiah said in Isaiah 63:7 “I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which He is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us— yes, the many good things He has done for Israel, according to His compassion and many kindnesses.”

Prophet Jeremiah said in Jeremiah 20:9 “Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him, nor speak anymore in His name.” But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.”

8] The result: All men praised God (Acts 4:21-22):

Yes, the result of such a dynamic witness was that men praised God; that is, they kept on praising Him. Why? Because the power of Christ had taken a man who had been helpless for forty years and made him whole, completely whole. The Bible says in Acts 4:21-22 “So when they had further threatened them, they let them go, finding no way of punishing them, because of the people, since they all glorified God for what had been done. For the man was over forty years old on whom this miracle of healing had been performed.”

Jesus said in Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Further He said in John 15:8 “By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.”

The author of Hebrews says in Hebrews 13:15 “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.”

Apostle Peter says in 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvellous light”

Psalmist said in Psalm 9:11 “Sing praises to the Lord, who dwells in Zion! Declare His deeds among the people.” He further said in Psalm 35:28 “And my tongue shall speak of Your righteousness and of Your praise all the day long.”

Shall we proclaim with confident boldness the good news that there is salvation in no one else except in Jesus Christ, whom God raised from the dead ?

In Ephesians 6:19-20, apostle Paul shares a startling prayer request: “Pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” Twice he repeats his request, that he might speak boldly. It’s the same Greek word translated “confidence” in Acts 4:13. If Paul had on his prayer list the need for boldness as a witness, then perhaps you and I should add it to our lists! We all should seek to proclaim with confident boldness the good news that there is salvation in no one else except in Jesus Christ, whom God raised from the dead.

Let us introspect ourselves.

Are we able to proclaim the gospel boldly even under threat of persecution like Peter and John?

Shall we seek to be confident witnesses for the Lord Jesus Christ?

Shall we long for anointing by the Holy Spirit while proclaiming the gospel?

Shall we live a life led by the Holy Spirit?

Shall we submit ourselves to the Holy Spirit fully so that God’s will is manifested through us for His glory?

Shall we seek to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ in whatever we do to be a witness to our Lord?

Shall we obey God rather than men even under the threat of persecution or death?

Shall we be built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ Jesus Himself as the Chief Cornerstone?

Shall we have the intimate fellowship with our Lord Jesus in our day to day life which gives the confidence and power while preaching the gospel?

Shall we confidently proclaim the fact of Jesus’ resurrection while sharing the gospel?

Shall we have the confidence and faith that the resurrected Jesus who lives in us can do greater miracles even today while proclaiming the gospel?

Shall we check ourselves whether any common sins such as seeking of position, riches, authority, recognition, etc., are still hindering us from allowing the Holy Spirit to use us for His glory?

Shall we guard us against thinking that God can work only through us?

Shall we have the confidence that when we are ready to proclaim the gospel the Holy Spirit will be always present to speak through us?

Shall we have the 100% belief that “the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth” is the name above all the names and declare boldly that Jesus is the true Messiah, the Saviour whom God sent to the world?

Shall we declare, like Peter, that it is the power of the resurrected and ascended Messiah, the Lord of heaven and earth who had such wonderful power?

Shall we live in His courage and power as we have been with Jesus in prayer so as to live a life with witnessing in boldness knowing that the power of Christ stands within them as evidence that He is the risen and exalted Lord?

Let us Pray: Our Heavenly Gracious Father, we thank you for helping us to understand about the “The First Persecution of the Church – Lessons for Christian Service” Father. Thank You Father for helping us to proclaim the gospel boldly even under threat of persecution, to seek to be confident witnesses for Your beloved Son Jesus Christ, help us to long for anointing by the Holy Spirit while proclaiming the gospel, help us to live a life led by the Holy Spirit besides submitting us fully to You Father so that Your will is manifested through us for Your glory Father. Father, please help us to obey You only rather than men even under the threat of persecution or death, help us to be built on the foundation on Your beloved Son Jesus Christ who is the Chief Cornerstone Father, help us to have the intimate fellowship with our Lord Jesus in our day-to-day life which gives us the confidence and power while preaching the gospel besides helping us to proclaim confidently the fact of resurrection of Your beloved Son Jesus Christ Father. We give all praise, glory and honour to Your Holy Name. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

[clonerightsagenda]

I saw the star wars movie yesterday.  My mother and I briefly considered getting a large standee of one of the characters to leave in my brothers room for the next time he comes home, but they're expensive and probably wouldn't fit in the car.  I hesitated for a while to make a post about it because I really don't want to get into the star wars drama.  Please be aware I don't have very strong feelings about star wars.  But I thought I might as well write up my thoughts. Or rather, dictate them.

Overall I thought it was ok.  I felt it was fairly clearly aware of its role as a middle episode of three. It was intended to get the characters from one place in their lives to another. Which is fair.  So there are some things I don't really want to judge until I've seen all three.  I also don't have very clear memories of the first one, which is not going to help my analysis here.

I will give it points for not being a carbon copy of an earlier movie like the force awakens was.  That being said, I quite liked the force awakens.  I liked the visual of slashing through the ship at light-speed, and I much prefer Yoda when he's a cackling chaotic neutral dude.  Although if Jedi ghosts can summon lightning, it kind of raises the question about why one hasn't fried Kylo by now. Take aim, boys.  I'm also glad after toying with it, they seem to be scuppering the whole Kylo redemption thing.  He's had several options to turn away from his path, and he has rejected each one.  He's gotta go down.

So...  One complaint I did have a is that many of the female characters seem to exist to develop the male character arcs. Holdo for example was there specifically to teach Poe a lesson.  He acts unreasonably.  Mutiny is a jailing or death penalty offense.  You cannot be a good soldier if you pull guns on a commanding officer just because they won't tell you their plan.  Now, obviously, I just finished watching full metal alchemist and bitching about how you can't always follow orders.  So there's wiggle room.  Obviously the audience is supposed to side with Poe.  And to do that, the film paints Holdo as more unreasonable.  There are good reasons for her to conceal her plan.  She might have been concerned about spies.  She might simply be reluctant to share it with someone who has shown a history of being reckless and not following orders.  Even saying she had a plan but that she didn't want to discuss details because of these reasons would paint her as a more reasonable commander.  However, the film can't let her do that, because the film wants to keep the audience opposed to her until the end.  This serves the purpose of teaching Poe a lesson, but it's a bit heavy handed in doing that.

Additionally, I really liked Rose, but she was also there to Teach Finn A Thing.  I was also a little confused about his arc, because I thought the last movie was mostly about him deciding to fall in with the rebellion, but this one was again about him choosing to fall in with the rebellion vs. just chilling with Rey.  It felt like rehashing something they did with him in the first film, instead of letting him get past that and do something else.  I still have my fingers crossed for him liberating the storm troopers in the last film.  It doesn't seem right to suggest he's the only good one and all the rest should die as expendable soldiers.  In fact, when the ATAT started firing on Phasma, I thought more of them might be defecting.  But it was only BB8.  I wasn't entirely sure what his almost sacrifice near the end meant either.  If the film started out by saying he's not putting enough of himself behind the rebellion, but then he's prevented from sacrificing himself, what does the film going for?  Is it saying he has learned his lesson, or learned the wrong lesson?  I wasn't sure.  Also, I wasn't thrilled by the kiss. Big surprise there.  They just met, and I'm worried by that one Rey facial expression that they're going to pull some Max vs Eleven bullshit and that I cannot abide.

I didn't love the route they took with Luke, but given what we're told, his story does make sense. Like, him deciding to kill a kid who has gone to the dark seems contrary to his attempts to rescue his father no matter what.  That being said, after everything he's gone through, I can understand a moment of weakness where you think 'I can't do this again.  Please, this way is so much easier.' And you have to remember he had like three days of training.  Then he went over to Vader, went 'what if you're not 100% bad' and Vader went 'shit maybe you're right' and that was pretty much that.  That's not working here.  He's been built up into this legend, but he knows he can't live up to that, so he's afraid to try anything at all.  While he's still hiding out somewhere, people can think of him as one last hope.  If he tries and fails, then that's gone. Also, confirmation he is his parents' son.  When he astral projected over there, he made sure he was all tidied up in a nice new robe.  Style counts.  In terms of the character arc we were given in the film, him transitioning from being cut off from the force to becoming one with the force does fit. Plus I wish I could do that at awkward family reunions.

Like many of the other girls, Rey's role seemed to heavily be about prodding Luke and Kylo in various directions. The rocks callback was very good.  I also think it's interesting that she's clearly wavering between dark and light, and I hope she ends up becoming a gray Jedi, because I think those guys have the right idea.  The symbolism with the lightsabers going back and forth (red/blue, dark/light) in the Snoke chamber scene was very interesting.  I'll be interested in seeing where they go with it.  I have mixed feelings about her parents allegedly not being anyone important.  On one hand, it's about time we break away from one family owning all of the stuff in the galaxy.  On the other hand, that's a power fantasy usually only male characters get to have.  Shrug.  I did like the thing about 'you don't belong in this story' because clearly she's in it anyway. She matters, even if the typical lore-keepers would say she shouldn't.  It could be a commentary on people objecting to the presence of women and/or people of color in the series.

Kylo's whole 'burn the past' thing is interesting considering his deification of his grandfather.  I get the picture that he isn't particularly tied to the first order either.  They simply help him accomplish his goals.  I'm also not sure if he really knows what he wants to do once he successfully 'kills the past' or whatever.  He's just someone running with no destination, burning everything in his path with no consideration of who gets hurt. I'm not sure where he'll end up besides an early grave. Hux probably should've shot him while he was down lmao

I'll probably come up with more comments later but that's what I've got. I'm fairly lukewarm about Star Wars in general but we'll see where it goes I suppose

[unkindnessofone]

Second Hand Shoes

I just wrote what came out because I am in the middle of a block. Hope this is alright.

“What do you mean?” As someone who took great pride in how she represented herself both in business and in personal matters, Simone was a whiz when it came to controlling her voice. She knew exactly when to raise the pitch or which words to emphasize when she spoke. Hastily, she asked her husband over speaker phone while she dressed in a small coffee shop bathroom. She had left the New York their suite barley put together since the nanny for Molly and Connor were late and she had a meeting at Henri Bendel just two blocks from the cafe in a matter of minutes. Simone was wrestling with a thin hook on the band of her emerald high-waisted pants, but her mind was occupied on the disappointing facts her husband was casually sharing over the phone. “His birthday is next week. How are you only telling me now that you won't make it? Is there some unforeseen end of March snowstorm coming to Asia that is going to keep you from making it to New York?”

With the help of Skye, Simone and Ashton kept their schedule meticulously planned. If there was a second unaccounted for it was time designated for them to do whatever they wanted or to be blessing one anothers bones. They both had busy careers and they had two children that they refused to neglect due to their hectic lives. Simone was kind, relaxed, and forgiving, but she could never fathom how Ashton's agenda could simply just change at a moment's notice. It drove her crazy. She spent many drunk nights on velvet couches ranting about it with her good friend, Grace Clifford, who shared the same anger she did about the matter.

“No. They put a second date on March 30th.”

“Well, they clearly checked with you first ... “

“Just because you work for yourself doesn't mean everyone does...” Ashton could feel tensions rising and beat his wife to overflowing. “I don't get the final say all the time. There's management, there's other people in the band... This was out of my hands, Sim.”

“I don't believe that.” Simone refuted as she finally locked her pants on around her hips, glancing over them in the poorly lit mirror for a split second. Ashton was a passionate father. It trumped music for him. Simone knew that nothing, no boss in a fancy suit, could keep him from his kids if he wanted to be there for them. “You were the one who made me promise we would never miss important dates for the kids.”

“He's turning three, Sim. It's not like he is going to remember.” Ashton pinched at his forehead, leaning against the glass window of the hotel room he was in on the other side of the world. His hair flopped before his eyes. There was nothing Simone could say that would make him feel worse than he already did. He felt like an absolute asshole for missing his son's birthday. His friends tried to soften the blow, reminding him of all the things they had missed out on before, but what hurt Ashton the most was that he didn't realize the extra date conflicted with Connor's April 1st birthday until after he had agreed to it.

“Well when he sees pictures of his petting zoo birthday party and you're not in them, yeah, he might remember.” She was so close to losing her temper, but the fact that she had a very important pitch to go to kept her from blowing up. Simone rolled up the sleeves of her white blouse, checking the rings from her new collection on her fingers as she did and practiced mindful breathing. “I have to go, Ash. I love you, I'm just....this is outrageous. It's not fair to Connor, but I know you know that.” She picked up her phone that was resting on the sink's edge by the hot faucet and turned the speaker off, holding it to her ear and pressing the small yellow gold hoop into her cheek.

“I know. I feel like shit about it.”

“Well, you're the one who has to live with this. If it can't be changed, it can't be changed, but I have to go.” Simone sighed into the phone. She hated arguing with Ashton. They so rarely engaged in conflict with one another and it never felt right. The duo was so convinced that they belonged together that they felt like different people when they didn't see eye to eye.

“Good luck.” Ashton murmured. He always wished her the best when she had a meeting, every time, even though he knew she never needed it. Simone was a force of talent. It ran through her veins like blood and she could not be denied when it came to her art, her vision, and her goals.

“Yeah, you too.” This time, she knew he needed it. If his work was coming before his family, Simone knew things were not going well.

They exchanged gentle 'I love you's' and then Simone hung up, throwing her phone into her Birkin and rushing out of the bathroom as if she had only gone in there to check her lipstick and not to remove her yoga pants and stuff them into the coveted bag.

---- ---- --- --- --- --- ---

“Ashton, you are not writing an email to his manager.” From the bathroom of their London loft, Simone spoke around the frothing bristles of her toothbrush as she scratched them against her smile. “He will kill you.”

“I don't care.” Stubborn in his ways at this point in his life, Ashton called back like a child as he walked in circles around their coffee table. His attention was on his phone, typing out a long and very detailed email to his son's tour manager. “I still haven't got an answer back from Molly about her Christmas plans since I have to share her with her boyfriend and his family, I'm not going to be alone on Christmas just because Connor doesn't know how to negotiate with his manager.”

“You won't be alone. You'll have me.” Simone laughed through her toothpaste frown. Her husband could be so dramatic.

“And Luke. They always have a big party.”

“I think they're going to Paris this year actually...” Simone didn't want to burst Ashton's bubble again, but it was the truth. “To be with Penny.” In fact, everyone had concrete holiday plans. Skye's Canadian family came in and spent time with the Hoods, Michael and Grace had decided they would do Christmas together as if they weren't in the middle of a divorce by bringing Iden to New York and doing it at a fancy hotel in a private penthouse suite. It was just the Telford-Irwin family, the usually organized bunch, that was up in the air.

“I can't believe Connor is missing Christmas. It's his favourite holiday!” Ashton put his phone down for a second, having to rethink the way he wanted to rephrase an insult directed at his son's management team. He sat down on the middle of the couch with a 'hmph' and pouted.

Everything was changing and he couldn't keep up. He missed when they were little kids and he could control their every move. He decided where they would go and then carried them there on his back or in his arms.

“Darling,” Simone wiped the white spot from the corner of her lips and wandered out to her husband in nothing, but her large 5SOS t-shirt that she had been sleeping in since they first started dating. Well, when she didn't have something silky to wear to bed instead. “They're growing up. I'm surprised you're not more understanding...”

“What do you mean?” Ashton picked up his phone again and started a new sentence in his email.

“You missed lots of things when they were little. Molly used to cry and cry when you couldn't make parent-teacher conferences. This is part of Connor's life now. He can't be where we want him to be just like we didn't make every swim lesson or choir recital...” Ashton knew that Simone wasn't trying to break his heart, but the guilt weighed on his chest with great power as she tried to explain their son to him. She folded one leg onto the leather cushion and leaned into the couch, one hand laying over his bright screen and covering up the email. It was a small attempt to make him stop. “Let Connor try to figure this one out, okay? Just be on his side no matter what. You know what it was like trying to figure out new waters....”

Ashton put down his phone and rested his head on his wife's shoulder. It was always him chasing his dream somewhere else. He was rarely the one waiting or wishing with disappointment sitting in his lap. He didn't like the role change even if he was proud of his son.

“Maybe we could go to him...” If Luke and Cagney were taking their twins to Paris for Penny, if Michael and Grace were going to act like a happy couple with their two in New York, and if a whole Canadian bunch could fly to Sydney, then Ashton could do one of his favourite things and that was dance in a crowd of people cheering his son's name with his wife that he still thought was the hottest woman in the room.

“Let's let Connor figure it out, let's let Molly figure it out, and then we will.” She wanted her children to jump before she knew whether to join in or catch them. Simone put her own head, hair up in a messy bun, on his and held his hand tightly over her knee. These new waters were rough for the devoted parents, but she knew together they could get through them. Either that or have new children.

[dailyaudiobible]

04/05/2017 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 28:1-68 ~ Luke 11:14-36 ~ Psalm 77:1-20 ~ Proverbs 12:18

Today is April 5th.  Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible.  I’m Brian. It’s great to be here with you today. It is a big preparation day for us. The More Gathering for Women begins tomorrow, but we’ll talk about that maybe in a little bit.  We’re reading from the New International Version this week, Deuteronomy chapter 28, verses 1 through 68.  

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word.  We thank you that day by day it instructs and guides us, speaks to the deepest recesses of our hearts and identity, changes the course of our day because it invites us to consider the choices that we make.  So we thank you for your word and we thank you for this community, that we can enjoy the counsel of the scriptures while enjoying the camaraderie and fellowship of our brothers and sisters.  So we invite you, Holy Spirit, to come.  Help us in the way that we choose to use our words today as we are counseled by wisdom herself in the book of Proverbs that recklessness with our words is like swords, but the tongue of the wise will bring healing. Help us to be people who bring healing today with our words and not reckless people swinging aimless swords, cutting down whoever happens to be nearby.  Come Holy Spirit, we pray.  In Jesus’ name we ask, amen.

Announcements

Www.DailyAudioBible.com is the website.  It's home base.  It's where you find out what is going on around here, so tomorrow, tomorrow begins the More Gathering for Women and so we invite this entire community to pray over this event because it is of this community and for this community.  So pray over the women as they are packing up today, making sure everything is all set to go for tomorrow.  We’re kind of doing the same thing and so prayers specifically over all the technology involved, over safety in travel, that a canopy be raised over that camp, and that it might be an oasis, a place where lives will be transformed not because of anything that we do.  We’re just setting the table, but that space was given for Jesus to come.   So thank you for your prayers over all of this.  These are our prayers and love to wrap them all around the world.  

Then the other thing that we’ve been talking about for a couple days is Israel 2018.  So we’ll be making the next pilgrimage to the land of the Bible in early ’18, February 19 through March 4, and that is going to be epic as ever.  It is most fascinating to watch the stories of the Bible come alive in their geographical location.  It is fascinating to just stand in places and turn around and just look in all directions and understand where you are standing, that these stories that we’ve been moving through this year, but for many of us have known for a long time, to just see them kind of take a new shape and texture because you’re standing in the middle of it is remarkable.  So you are invited and you can get all the information you would want to know at www.DailyAudioBible.com.  Just look for Israel 2018 in the Initiatives section or you can visit www.DailyAudioBibleIsrael.com.  That will take you there as well.  

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, then thank you.  Couldn’t thank you enough.  We’re all in this together.  Thank you for your partnership.  There is a link that is on the home page of www.DailyAudioBible.com.  And if you’re using the Daily Audio Bible App, you can press the More button in the lower right-hand corner.  Or, if you prefer, the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996, Spring Hill, TN 37174.

As always, if you have a prayer request or comment, (877) 942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today.  I'm Brian. I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Requests and Praise Reports

Good morning, Dabbers.  This is Walta calling from Charlotte.  I usually call as the burning bush that will not be devoured for the glory of our God and King and I feel now, you know, like God sees me and he knows my name and I think that season is over.  But anyway, I'm calling just to praise God for this prayer line.  I'm going to pray for our sister from the Bahamas and pray about the Bahamas election.  Father God, I pray that you protect your people in that country.  I pray for peace and stability.  I come against every spirit of chaos that would want to cause confusion in that country, Lord.  I pray that, Lord, that you who select the kings will select a leader, Lord, and prepare the people to receive the leader, God.  I thank you for protecting your people.  I thank you, Lord, for peace.  I also pray, O God, for Liberia that is also going to go through elections this year. And every other country that struggles through this period I pray for peace.  I pray for stability, in Jesus’ name.  Father God, I also want to pray for all the single people out there.  I pray, O Lord, that you will help them to find you in the middle of their solitude, God.  That they are not alone.  I pray that you would find them community, O Lord.  Guide them to your children, into community, in Jesus’ name. Family, I just want to thank you for your prayers and your prayer requests and just sharing the word of God. I listened to today's, April 2nd, and it really moved me, especially Jaymie from Phoenix.  I love you guys and I will be in touch. Bye.  Have a great Sunday.

Hello Daily Audio Bible community.  This is Drew from Dallas.  I’ve been listening since October 2016 and this is my first time to call. Brian and Jill, thank you so much for creating this helpful podcast and this wonderful life-giving community.  I would like to encourage and pray for Stanley from Maryland.  He's a first year teacher in Washington, D.C.  Stanley, I’ve been a teacher for more than 10 years and I understand what you’re going through.  There are times when teaching can be such a thankless job and the students challenge and stretch you beyond your limit.  You should know that you very well may be the only positive influence in the lives of these students and that they are pushing back against you because they need you and they need Jesus.  Father, thank you for giving Stanley this opportunity to serve you and his students.  Help him to know that you have called him to be where he is today.  Help him to rest in your presence.  Holy Spirit, give Stanley confidence, patience, and wisdom to plan meaningful and relevant lessons that will engage his students. Grant him the faith to know that he is working in this school to minister to students who need him and who need you.  Help him to build positive relationships with his students that will lead to a healthy classroom full of learning.  Jesus, let your light through Stanley.  Walk with Stanley through this.  Help Stanley to follow you and to trust you.  Sustain and strengthen him through this.  Help him to rely on you each and every day.  Thank you, Jesus.  It's in your name we pray.  Amen.  

Family, Biola from Maryland.  I hope you’re all doing well.  Brian and Jill, God bless you.  Jill, I'm praying for you and the More Conference and every single woman that will be going.  I'm praying for your team and I'm praying for all the speakers, equipment, everything, in the name of Jesus.  Father Lord, I begin to pray order into every event that will be happening, O God.  I pray safety, O God, for everyone that will be going, in the name of Jesus.  There will be no accidents, O God, in the name of Jesus.  And Father, Lord of Heaven, I decree and declare, O God Lord, that every woman that will go there will not remain the same way, O God, that you will meet with each person at the point of their need, in the name of Jesus. prophetic Intercessor, I heard with such anguish your prayer request.  Sister, I'm praying that God would comfort you.  Look, give yourself time, okay?  I'm praying Psalm 18:32 over you.  The he Lord is your rock and your fortress.  Your deliverer.  Your God. Your strength.  In him you will trust.   He is your shield and the horn of your salvation.  Your stronghold.  And Psalm 18:32  says it is God who arms you with strength and makes your way perfect.  Sister, I want to encourage you to look for a Divorce Care support group in your area.  Just go to that website, www.Divorcecare.org and plug in your zip code.  And you know, get into a community of people who are going through the same thing and who can also help you and empathize with you.  I’ll keep praying for you, sister.  God bless you.  And Rich or Rick, the guy who said he fell off the wagon, Victorious Solider has already told you everything that I had on my heart.  Way to go, sister!  So brother, I'm praying for you even as you get up, that you will grow stronger.  In the name of Jesus.  Jonathan, I'm praying for your dad, Pastor Ted, and I'm praying for you. Jacqueline, I'm praying that every cancerous cell in your body will die, in the precious name of Jesus.  God bless you.  

Hi, this is Denise calling from California and this is my first phone call and I’ve just recently started to listen to the Daily Audio Bible on my podcast and it has been amazing.  But I'm calling specifically for my mother and for my family.  My mom who is 83 years old has been falling lately and is in the hospital and nursing home and I'm just asking and the whole community, if you would just pray for her, healing of her body, but most importantly for her heart and her mind and her spirit.  It has gotten her very down and that is not the woman I remember for all my life.  So I so thank you all because I’ve heard the different prayer requests and the people calling and it is just amazing to me and I so enjoy it. I so thank each and every one of you who do call in and make this requests.  So I pray for Ethel Q., for her healing, both physically and mentally and spiritually and that she would be well because she is a true and faithful servant.  I also want to pray for my sister, Toni, and my Aunt Diane and the rest of my family members, that they too would come to know God personally and always walk in his steps to bring him glory.  I pray for my family locally, that they would be healed both physically and mentally and also come to know Christ as their personal Savior. Thank you and God bless each and every one of you.  Have a blessed day.  

Good morning DAB.  This is Loralee.  Heavenly Father, I would like to lift up all the women going to the More Conference.  I pray that you bless the worship of their hearts, souls, minds, and bodies.  I pray that you give them rest and reprieve in Christ Jesus.  I pray that you bring personal healing and holiness in their lives where they have more perfect sight of you, the more beautiful object, Jesus, where they have the more perfect appetite of you, the sweeter the food of your word, the more musical in the ears, the more pleasant in the melody of you singing over us, the more complete of their soul and the more happy, the joy that brings.  And grant them more full knowledge of you, Lord Jesus.  And I pray that they will dwell with the family of God, standing in your presence, in your chamber, being the bride of your kingdom, the spouse of Christ and a member of his body with him.  We are all one with you and the Father.  Please exercise all the spiritual powers, gift of grace, body and soul in the enjoyment of you.  And we praise you, all of us women, we thank you and our families while they wait for us to just be like Mary and sit at your feet and choose the better portion this weekend.  I pray for all the safety and just a more deeper walk with you, our Lord Jesus Christ. In your name and for your glory and our good, amen.  You all have a great time.