#Love reading shit that im envious of

[spiralingemptyness]

time to read hurt/comfort, found family, slice of life, family/sibling fluff fanfics bc i just cried for over an hour tonight after my parents got back for a 4 day mini vacation and literally got pissed/disappointed bc the whole was a mess and i didnt cleaning bc of a headache after watching the dogs, doing different laundry, dishes and even fucking sweeping while having shifts for 3/4 days and barely getting any sleep on a fucking couch…. Not to mention my mother got pissed at me for leaving in the middle of a convo bc i had enough and had a even worse mental breakdown for a solid 15 minutes and my father bitching that hes able to watch the dogs all day and work while i was doing school and work (he cant fucking do it without bitching and moaning and thats 7 hr of school plus 5-6 hour shifts for me)…. My eyes hurt and are dry asf but at least i got a shower :))))))👍👍👍👍👍

Not to mention my brother did jack shit

[earthtooz]

earth i need to catch up on ur ratio fics (i read some of flower one and i ate that shit up omg) because now the thought of seething annoying veritas being all angry whenever you even look at someone else infests my mind like an annoying worm. i hope you know this is what those fics do to me

x : EQUILIBRIUM : *+ﾟ

in which: ratio navigates through the perplexities of pining after you.

warnings: fluff, 1.6k words, intelligentsia guild!gn!reader is kind of a social butterfly and talkative, ratio is so pathetic i love him T^T, alcohol, aventurine feature! my writing isn't the best for this one i apologise :,D

a/n: thank u for the ask mhie!! i wanted to say that you enabled me perfectly because ever since his release, i've only ever thought about this one scenario where he's staring at reader from afar and absolutely seething because he's not the one talking to them xD sorry for taking so long omfg and im sorry for turning this into a fic, i just saw my opportunity and lunged at it like an animal rawr

Jealousy and envy are not familiar concepts to Dr. Ratio.

He knows of them, understands the inner workings and philosophical aptitude of both, knowing that they lead man down irrational paths. Yet, for all his years, he has not felt the bitterness of jealousy and envy squeeze him, cannot fathom why one cannot control their feelings and maintain modesty. 

Perhaps, the root of it was whatever Ratio wanted, he received. The only thing he has ever craved is knowledge, and it is available for him with the flick of a page, absorbing even the most complex of theories with ease. Conceptual, mathematical, scientific- not a single school of thought has hidden itself from his vast mind, proven by the many PhDs he has with his name.

Everything fickle that anyone could ever crave has long been his. 

Envious over someone else’s wealth? Money comes and goes, and merely serves as a medium of exchange. As long as he has enough to live comfortably, then he is content. Having too much of one thing can often result in a bottomless pit of wanting more, and material good was perhaps the most evil of all.

Jealous over someone else’s beauty? Compliments and adoration are not an unfamiliar concept to him; one glance at what’s under that stone mask will have others fawning over him instantly. He claims the mask is to protect him from idiots, but perhaps it also serves to shield others from the walking sculpture that is the Veritas Ratio, sharp features and toned body, there is nothing undesirable about him.

In conclusion, jealousy and envy are not familiar concepts to Dr. Ratio. Until he met you.

A fellow member of the Intelligentsia Guild but in another department, you too are a favoured delegate of the IPC, frequently attending the same events and trips as him. Thus, it was only natural that you’d become acquainted and that he’d grow to respect you, hearing about your achievements and dedications as an academic. What was unnatural, however, was the palpitations of his heart, weakness in his knees, paired with an overwhelming excitement to see you.

He’s no fool. These sensations were all symptoms of romantic attraction, but you were a variable uncounted for in the distribution of his life, and he was not ready for an outlier so powerful that it completely ‘skewed’ him over.  

Now, he laments in the corner of champagne parties meant for socialites. He is no lover of mundane interaction but as his contract with the IPC, he comes as a representative of the Intelligentsia Guild. 

These formal events always drained the life out of him, needing him to discard his everyday, flowey, carefree attire for a constraining suit, conforming him into the regular majority. 

He raises the glass of champagne to his lips and takes a small sip, the liquor serves as lubricant to the throat. The smooth finish of the drink is exactly what he needs; talking about the same subject again and again becomes exhausting, and even though it is in his role criteria, Ratio cannot wait to leave.

But he won’t, because he hasn’t seen you yet. 

Glancing around the room for the upteemth time this evening, you still have not entered his line of sight, and he leans against the bar in disappointment.

“Oh, why the long face, Ratio?” A mischievous voice coos from beside him. “It’s not a good look on you.”

“Spare me your sentiments, gambler,” Ratio spits back.

“As you wish. Not enjoying the party?”

“If you have something you wish to say then please, spare me the pleasantries.”

Aventurine laughs, all boisterous and extravagant, gold jewelry clicking against each other, as if coming alive to match his jovialness. He really is a personified headache. “You’re looking for someone, aren’t you?”

The scholar tenses, muscles tugging at the stiff fabric of his blazer, but that micro action was enough of an answer for Aventurine.

A gloved hand points up to the mezzanine of the grand hall. Ratio spots you, leaning against the railing whilst conversing with another man, one briefly talked to earlier. If he didn’t like him before, then he certainly didn’t now.

Handsome face turning into a small scowl, it’s almost as if you feel the intensity of a certain, golden stare, causing you to turn around and find the source, eyes eventually landing on the figures of a coworker or two. A brief smile graces your face before you turn around again, turning your back on the two onlookers.

Ratio loathes what he sees, and something within him yearns to be the only man you look at, causing an ugly, green sensation to brew within him; a concoction that can only be labelled as ‘jealousy’.

He just cannot figure out what other men have that he doesn’t; what is making him secondary in your heart? Why do you give these... idiots the time of day when you could be with him- talking to him?

It's all too perplexing, you make him perplexed.

“Well, go on, doctor,” Aventurine prompts. “Place your bets before it’s too late.” 

The purple-haired sighs, pushing himself off the bar. His feet take him to you, up the velvet-carpeted stairs. His gaze never strays from you, ensuring you stay within his line of sight and eventually, he stops right behind you, acting as a looming shadow.

His gaze is cold, hoping to pierce through your conversation partner so he can finally cower away and make room for Ratio.

“Doctor!” You exclaim, surprised by his sudden appearance. “When did you get here?”

Taking a hint, the stranger finally begins to peel himself away. “It was lovely talking to you, Y/n. I hope this won’t be our last conversation.”

“Likewise, have a lovely evening,” you farewell him with a small smile as the other party turns and eventually disappears from sight.

Finally. Triumph and victory settles in Ratio’s chest when your attention is directed solely at him, but you look up at him with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.

“I swore I saw you downstairs moments ago, how did you get up here so fast?”

“I simply walked a normal pace, is that so abnormal?”

“I suppose not,” you huff, rolling your eyes. Veritas allows himself a glance over of your outfit, admiring you. “Have you talked to anyone interesting?”

You are by far the most interesting part of the evening, he thinks.

“Hardly,” he murmurs. 

“My guess is that you’d prefer to be grading student papers?” You muse, leaning in closer.

His heartbeat spikes. “Well, that is hard to say. Which would you prefer?”

“As much as I love my students, I need a break from the same thesis statements regurgitated in different formats. I’d rather be here.”

“Then that is my answer too.”

You give him a look that says ‘really?’, clearly not believing his aloof statement. Truthfully, he would rather be here because here is where you are, and he’d like a few moments with you before returning to the gloominess of his office. The hour hand is only at 11, what’s the rush?

Then, your eyes flicker to his neckline and they widen briefly, as if finding an issue with his tuxedo. “Hold still,” you command, hands coming up to rest on his sturdy chest.

You’re fixing his tie, he realises, feeling the fabric tighten ever so slightly as you adjust it. When you’re done, you flatten out the material with a satisfied smile, running your hands casually over his chest, and he hopes you cannot feel his heart jump. How do you touch him so easily, as if it means nothing?

“It was crooked,” you explain, “now you are looking as sharp as ever, Doc.”

“Thank you,” is the best thing he can sputter out.

“No problem, we need to have our genius looking proper at all times!”

Ratio is too stunned to speak, he fears that if he tried, whatever leaves his mouth will result in a various garbles and attempts at sentences.

Thankfully, you haven’t run out of words to say. “Oh, I have yet to get a drink! Will you accompany me? I could go for some refreshments right now.”

He nods and extends an arm for you to hold, and you happily accept it, holding onto his bicep as you ramble on about a conversation exchanged earlier in the night. If you were anyone else, he would not have cared in the slightest, but instead, he listens intently, taking slow and measured steps downstairs so you are comfortable.

In this bubble, the esteemed scholar is content. With you so close, it feels as if everything has clicked into place, like the scales of fate have finally balanced and equilibrium has been achieved. He could listen to you forever.

Unfortunately, all good things don’t last, because a face Ratio doesn’t recognise approaches you, hand resting on your shoulder. Judging from the manner of which they address and talk to you, you are close, and you don’t shrug them off. Next thing he knows, you’re ripped away from him, dragged into the sea of people.

You spare him a glance over your shoulder, as if apologising for the sudden disruption.

Still, he sighs, left behind with nothing but fervent symptoms of love clinging to his being, squeezing him for all he is.

© EARTHTOOZ 2024, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

[duhitsitadori]

K guys so let me talk my shit for a sec bc you ever read a fanfic x reader and it is just so hard to identify with the reader? BECAUSE FOR ME I fr end up getting ENVIOUS of the READER that’s supposed to be ME?! AND I DONT MEAN LIKE bc of some oddly specific physical description or smthn. Guys im literally a woman myself but im quite assertive and blunt (which tends to be… unfavorable or intimidating in most cases) so when i read implied fem!reader that is gentle, demure, mindful, and almost considerate to a fault I think I want to do three backflips off a cliff.

Like I’m sorry society that I’m lowkey mean and openly critical of everything I’ll just continue talking to myself ig🤚 but tbh, the worst part is I really don’t even feel sorry for it LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Anyways, Chapter 2 of The Sun Burns Bright Blue coming soon! And maybe Part 2 of the Love Language concept series <3 goodnight besitos

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[i-cant-sing]

GURL NUH UH!!! You have a talent for posting the stories I've been waiting for WHEN I CANT READ THEM, I just came back from a vacation and there are already two parts of the series waiting for me to read. ALSO I LOVE YOU AND HAVE YOU FOUND ANY GOOD INTERNSHIPS SINCE YOU HAVE BECOME A DOCTOR

-🐈 (i cant find the sitting cat) MWAH DRINK WATER

thanks <333 i havent found any internships because um, well there werent any good ones near my house and im not going out of my way, spending a shit ton on fuel, to do an unpaid internship. im not that willing to learn lol

I do hope to start earning now, with some side hustles. lets pray some rich kids need tuition, specifically on bio, history, religion, etc. i need money, these scrubs are expensive af, and i need to splurge on myself (i wanna get pedicures this year because i am envious of everyone having perfect cuticles.)

[softcarebears]

UPDATE TIME POOK

27. bbsf didn’t go w/ deja either. idk why he lied tho

28. i finally meet deja, she like instantly complements me

29. couple hours later bbsf ends up coming up to me and my friends and uh oh deja, despite having liked him for the past 2 weeks, no longer likes him

30. now me and bbsf r constantly hanging out w/ our other friends, zim, berry and five (who i probably should’ve mentioned earlier hated me bc she liked bbsf but she got over it pretty soon after realizing she was a lesbian)

31. seats r finally changed in avid, i sit in front of flor’s twin sister fawn, w/ flor sitting right be side her

32. i end up becoming friends w/ the twins and me, flor and bbsf all work together in a group project

33. we’re spilt into groups for smth called tutorial in avid, i’m w/ bbsf, fawn, turtle (aka a’s bf and the dude who’s been trying to get me and bbsf together for 2 years), drop and tee

34. turtle further tries to get us together 

35. bbsf gets strep and i end up giving him advice in the gc, cuz u know, little sis of a nurse

36. pinkie leaves the gc

37. smiley has a party at her house, inviting me, violet, june and new comers rose and star

38. violet and june tell me that pinkie hasn’t shut up abt me in months 

39. rose tells me that only the under class men who knew us were the only ones who didn’t think that me and bbsf were dating

40. start of hoco week

SHE'S BACK OMGGGG WE CHEEREDDD!!!!WOOHOOO👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

hmm...deja "compliments you when you meet her" for the first time plus THEN STOPS LIKING BBSF HMM...why can i sense a crush development....I CAN SMELL SOME HOT PIPING SAPPHIC TEA STIRRINGGG and im here for it!!

or maybe i just read too many books and fanfics i'm hella delulu chile lol

or maybe she realised you were the perfect match for bbsf or smth and that she does not stand a chance...or she got a crush on you...barbie said everything was possible so i don't know either fam

why everyone in this story either is in love with bbsf or you or is gay or turns out gay...???

TURTLE IS A MAN OF CULTURE🔥AND HE DESERVES THE BIGGEST SMOOCH OH THE LIPS !!😘

pinkie OUTTTTT!!! she does not deserve to debut with that fugly attitude of hers (lmfao kpop stan core🤗) + her talking about you for months its giving...envious....its giving..."wish i were heather" by conan gray...its giving she hates you but her pinterest board is filled with pics of you lol

what are you wearing for hoco queeen??! ALSO U NEVER SENT ME A PIC OF YOUR DAPHNE COSTUME💔

i'm writing this ask while im supposed to be revising lol i have my english lit paper two tomorrow wish me luck my queenussy...i finish exams next monday hoof i just want this shit to be OVER WITH OMG!...i miss the blue skies,the sounds of birds chirping and the grass😔

also i'm currently in an online SITUATIONSHIP WITH A MOOT i did here on tumblr 3 yrs ago okay BYEEE HAHA HAHA LMFAO😭

me core...

he did not text me at all today...🙁

do i give af?

no

(i absolutely do....)

[so2uv]

@ so2uv's sappy time.

end of the year. ive survived and that's scary but you know what? it'll be fine. we'll all be fine and im promising that; whether it be this year, the next, or far in the future, we'll be ok :)) it's stupid how this platform, one that my friends teased me for using, left such an impact on me as a person.

AKA. MY END OF YEAR MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST. (warning: these got long and sort emotional for me to write. well, as emotional as i can get fjkdhgkjfd. sorry if my coherence gets lost later on. forgive me if you weren't mentioned specifically for something; i have more mutuals that expected. it's genuinely surprising.)

if you weren't mentioned specifically, there's still a note for you at the bottom. sorry for making you scroll for long to find it :'DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @tiredsleep . . . the mutual who has stuck through it all. oh tired. tired, tired, tired. i think im a little stupid for how happy i get when you like a post or send an ask or keyboard smash in my reblogs. a lot of what i said in my long ask to you a while back is what im trying to convey now. the way we met wasn't through much special; i followed you and eventually you followed back. it was slow going in the ways we interacted but the nicest things take time and im so glad we're the way we are now. we're strangers, two little guys on the internet, and i think it's beautiful how we have this. you're an amazing writer, an all around amazing creator of the worlds you build and the characters you create. i don't think you realized how envious i used to be of you; you made it seem like it was easy enough for you to connect with others, your writing was something id never achieve with mine, it was flat out jealousy. it was my fault we were distant to begin with. i soon figured out that praise was correct: you are among the most wonderful people ive had the pleasure of knowing and talking to you, even if it's just through a screen. there's so much more for me to say that i constantly struggle to put into the correct words to get the point across. just know that you have great things out there for you. have a great new year, tired. we'll make it. im so proud of you.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @aelatus . . . the last standing mutual of all my og (close) mutuals. hello atlas! im not sure if you'll ever see this on tumblr since i know you don't log on much but you've been my mutual through three blog changes now; was there for my xstar-kidx era and kozmiixs stage. we've been through shit together, had banter about grammarly together, lost certain mutuals together, have changed blogs, changed themes, switched fandoms, fell out of love with fandoms. it's been a wild couple of years, huh? im so thankful we've met and got close in the ways that we did and that we're able to call each others close. your birthday is soon so in the case that i forget to say this on discord: happy birthday, the xiao to my albedo. live a life of freedom and joy, my love /p.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @izukxnnie . . . hara :((( i don't think you'll ever come to read this message but that's alright; maybe it's for the better kdfgh. i know i sent you that long winded ask on your blog already but i miss talking and interacting with you, even with all my awkwardness. im still so regretful of that one time i sent a request to join your world but then you were busy and i didn't read your messages until later that day as in hours later bc i was at school and idk if i ever responded to them in the end. maybe i'll send you a message on discord later. maybe i won't bc i'll be too sentimental. i really hope you're doing more than well, that you're happy doing what you do.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ay-asterisms . . . the mutual who introduced me to so many others. i really have you to thank for what i have now, ay. truly. you brought me deeper into the hq fandom and introduced me to jennie, atlas, and others. we don't talk much but i'll say what ive mentioned before, you remind me so much of the sun. but not as the bringer of life and the ball we see every morning; a sun in the sense that you're a star closer to earth but still a star, still out there where there are multiple. the difference is that you just happen to bring a warmth that others can't provide for ones nearby.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @cryo-locket / @lo-cinno . . . you. im not even sure how we became mutuals, and my memory is pretty good. we just spawned in each other's zones one day and went yeah, alright. honestly, ive never said this to anyone, but you were one of the reasons i decided to focus more heavily on chinese. our interactions reminded me of why i wanted to relearn the language for myself: for the social connections. i genuinely love talking to you and always find myself laughing at our conversations. mainly because our timezone dif is so odd so it's always late in the evening when im on. your ebg was so fun and with all the pain it brought / hj, im so happy to have been part of it. thank you for putting up with my 2 am rambles and crack, hope you found laugh or two with them.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @pr3tty-jennie . . . you intimidated me when we first met. i still remember it actually: you had that kamninari theme and the most recent post on your blog was about how you couldn't remember the word for chandelier in english but knew it in french. you've been through so much, endured so much, and i respect you so much. always have, always will. your life story and the past don't define who you show as a person and im so amazed by that part of you. have a good day, good week, good rest of your life pretty girl :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @june-again . . . it's crazy, you know? crazy how far we've both drifted off from the original fandom that brought us together? but that's character development. speaking of that, ive gotten the absolute pleasure of seeing you grow as a person and go through the motions of life. it's always chill talking to you, jokes come easy hah! you're an amazing musician, june. amazing person, amazing at writing, amazing at music; you're outstanding so in the words of Freddy fazbear from security break, way to go superstar! i knew you could do it and i know you still can.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @junjiie . . . the seungmin to my minho, the other half of 2min, the self proclaimed jeno to my renjun (have yet to be a dreamzen my b :(() and the no. 1 solieber. i was serious when i said you're the reason my other blog exists; you've been the biggest hype person when it came down to me going out of my comfort zone and writing. i was so nervous going up to talk to you at first kjfdhgkj but now, you're just another silly guy in my phone screen :DD thank you for sending all your updates about life and putting up with mine even though they never get answered- seungmin to not only my minho, but hyunjin too, let's keep being #Silly, yeah?? it's already the actual new years day when you're receiving this so i hope the year is off to a good start.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @sohyuki . . . MINT im hoarding the ask that you sent me on christmas day. im always so happy when you've shown up on dash and while im sad about how you've let tumblr mainly behind, i know it's for the better since well, interactions have been shit and probably will never get back up to the standard we held them to, even with all the effort put in. you are such an amazing all around person and like i said in my christmas note to you, keep writing. hoard it, feed into it, you have something wonderful going on with it.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @kamiyatos . . . user kamiyatos!!! lee!!! HELLO!!! it's always such a pleasure to talk to you and i hope you know that i keep your ramble about malleus' character and your plot idea for him in the back of my mind constantly, even though that ask has been lost to my actions of deactivation on my old blog. you're the biggest ayato fan i know who supports my works about him vocally AND you understand my vision on his personality... it's truly touching, y'know? thank you for being there, even when we don't talk as much as we should. i hope this year has been kind on you and the next one is even kinder.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @yinyinggie . . . yingyingyingyingerkjshkjfdg ok this may come as a shock, or maybe you already knew and were just playing along, but we used to be mutuals before the summer of last year. secret identity revealed ig?? eh im sure if you dig far enough into my dark past™️ you'll find smth about it so im not going to say anything about it :P but! one thing has stayed the same for sure: you are so easy and so fun to talk to and make conversation with. you know that ramble i left on the astro twerk form about feedback for the server? yeah. im 100% truthful. you've made something so inclusive and positive, have done to much to get tumblr active, please know that your efforts aren't wasted. im sure they feel like it at times but i appreciate it so much. and im sure others have the same sentiment.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @mhiieee . . . MHIEEEEEEEE MY SCARA FAN !!!! i love and adore your works so much and not to mention your characterization of scaramouche is top tier. ive got a lot to learn from you, mhie; i don't think you realize how much there is to admire when it comes to you as a person. you find such meaning and connection in the words and the world, the sincerity that comes with it,,,,, it makes me want to sob and roll around while also simultaneously wanting to take your brain apart neuron by neuron and psychoanalyze you. not in the freudian way though. ive had the greatest honor of being able to interact with you on not just one, but two!!! servers!!! i think it's a little silly how much i smile when you reply to smth dumb ive said on disc. have a great new year :))

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ryuryuryuyurboat . . . RYUUUUUU literally the most stunning person to walk the planet ever like. hello??? our first interactions came from that ebg funny enough. does a little ★🪽 anon ring a bell? i only ever got around to sending you one sabo during that time but i hope you did enjoy what i came up with on the spot, i never was very good when it came down to kaeya's character. you are so intelligent and such an amazing individual, please always remember that.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @snobwaffles / @2nobwaffles . . . SNOB SNOB SNOB i always think of the pokemon when your name comes up. in my head, you will always be snom, the bug-ice type pokemon <33 IT'S SO FUN TALKING TO YOU and we haven't been mutuals for long either. im always thinking of the advice you left me when it came down to my rant about an irls party and there's something about the way you're able to appreciate and take note and find beauty int he smallest of things that get brought up. i wish you the complete best that 2024 has to off you. keep calm and snob on :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @itaerae & @mins-fins . . . im putting the two of you together because well, i met you both at the same time through the server. while i can't consider it and, ive never really had such an inviting time in a server, much less a network, as ive had in zumblr. really, it's you two that i owe thanks to. our silly little convos are so fun and im forever thankful that ive found people to talk to on a server for once.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @https-furina . . . the best server mother fr!!! omg it's so nice talking to you :((( i love the warmth of your words and how your emotions shine through text. it feels like i can practically envision the fond eyeball or the warm smile that you may or may not have on your face when messaging. i’ve had such a great time in the network and your pet names fjfbdjdbjdb have a great 2024 heh :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @lethwal & @astrinityy . . . i don't think you guys realize how fun it was when we were all "debating" and accusing me of being a furry. honestly, i haven't had to stifle laughter like that in the middle of the night as hard as i did for a small while. not too long but long enough. it was a breath of fresh air and it was genuinely amazing to just be able to put the present on the back burner and play around like that. even though it was kind of late for me when that was happening- ignore that. it's always late for me when im online atp. i hope we can get past those baseless accusations you have both placed on me tehe. have a happy new years, you two. ALSO YIXIN!! GA-MING PROTECTION SQUAD RISEEEEE

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @/zumblr . . . there's so many of you and i can't find the proper words to express the welcome i felt when added to the server. it was nerve wracking, ive never really gotten around to talking to that many people or being that open on the internet before. it's funny how one summer can bring you out of your shell a little, eh? and all bc of some guys on screen lmao. thank you for the support and im happy to have met such wonderful people. thank you, again. @urielphix I AM. DETERMINED TO READ ADAD JUST YOU WAIT

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ everyone else, all my mutuals as of now and past, who weren't mentioned or mutuals who want to read something again . . . hello!! im sorry to disappoint by not adding you properly and for not giving a personalized thanks; it wasn't anything against it you at all. reason 1) i probably forgot as um. goldfish brain or 2) we just became mutuals pretty recently and haven't had the chance to really talk much / have been sort of long term but haven't talked much.

either way though, thanks for sticking around! im not the most. literate person. sometimes LMAO and im far from being a proud person of skill when it comes to the right words to say to people but im always happy when people find something worth it in my silly words. i hope we get to interact more in the future, as long as you can put up with my inconsistent (to say the least) replies and brain boggling posts that come from the depths of the midnight zone, that is. get ready for the ride that is this. clusterfuck of a blog place. LMAO,,,, if you haven't already scrolled through my stuff. if you have then um ready for more??? fkdjhgkjlghf

if you've made it to the end, thank you. and why?? im not that interesting or cool as everyone makes me out to be. if you had told 2019 me on tumblr that 4 years later, id be posting my works for everyone to see and also be proud of my own poetry, i would have laughed and called you absolutely insane. some of you have sat through me going through different gender and pronoun crises on dash back in 2020, and some of you ive only met this month.

whatever our situation is, i wish all the best for everyone . i’ll support you guys until the end of the earth and then some. have the happiest of happy new years, may your futures always be brighter than you say they are, and i’ll see you later 💛

sincerely — sol / jun

[thegoldencontracts]

Bro this is gonna seem so entitled of meeeee and I really don't mean to complain but why is it that so many x Riddle fics (no matter the ship) are just so fucking one-sided...

don't be a coward show Riddle in love... It feels better when they get together that way too

In canon hes so nice and reasonable... Don't do this to him COME ON STOP MAKING HIM A DOG SHIT BOYFRIEND WHILE HIS PARTNER JUST TAKES bro.

this is bc of an Azurido fic I read recently tbh... I love the ship so much but at the same time a large part of the charm is how at first neither of them like each other - Azul is envious of Riddle but begrudgingly respects his power and vice versa but then that changes during book 6 and these two academic rivals can't help but warm up to each other Azul isn't fucking in love with him while Riddle just doesn't gaf BRO

Low-key wanna write a kinda spitefic angst with a happy ending where Azul gets insecure bc Riddle shows basically no affection and is actively cold to him a lot and ends up acting like a fucking dick to Riddle and then there's a lot of angst and drama and it's like three or four, maybe even six chapters of tea and angst and emotions featuring other charactere and exploration and it ends with them having a big sweet heart to heart amd GOD IM LOVIMG THIS PREMISE

but I know that it would fucking flop like that one Jeiazu longfic I started and gave up on T_T

Why? Bc on top of azurido being a rare pair, NO ONE WOULD LIKE THAT IDEA BUT ME... Because it's just not a common preference just like no one wants to talk about Jamil's pining in pre-relationship JamiAzu

BEING DIFFERENT ISN'T WORTH IT GUYSSS,,, I am a creature of yapping I need someone to tap to about this but I HAVE NO ONEEE bc it is universally depicted as a bad take

Also how the fuck did I go from 'I feel like this is a common mischaracterization of Riddle' to 'WHY ARE MY TAKES EVAPORATED GIVE ME THE COLD WATER TAKES I MUST YAP'

Idek man

[chlorinecake]

GIRL STOP!!! "You're being rough with me" I'M LOSING MY NONEXISTENT DIGNITY. I love that OMFG. I LOVE THIS. WORDS ARE LOST. Can I just say I absolutely love the flow of your writing! It's so good. GIRL IM ENVIOUS OF YOU'RE DIALOGUE SKILLS. "I wasn't trying to be mean when I did that, by the way" ~ "I just couldn't hold bac-" I moaned. That was so insanely good it literally hit perfectly. It's like heavily due to the way you were able to grasp the actual tension of the whole scenario in your words leading up to this. The build up was~ shit I spoke too soon. HE'S WHIMPERING OH LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME. Tell me why I can see his expression😐 YOU'RE REALLY DOING GREAT THINGS WITH THIS FIC ISTG. GREAT WONDERFUL FANTASIC SERVICE ❤️

*cannot contain my grin*

USE ME. RUIN ME.

*deep breathes*

(I don't want to swear here but I'm going crazy, like the curses are singing and chiming in my head)

Dialogue ✨ insane 🤯 I've come to appreciate the things I struggle with, and Dialogue is not my bestie but you're doing amazing that i am so so envious in a good way ofc. And I think this has got to be my favorite part so far | “What? You think I didn’t hear Wonbin and his vocal ass practically singing as you did… whatever you did to him…?,” |

I ended up reading this by chance and I don't regret it not one bit lmao.

─ Hayzie

NO BC OH MY FRIGGING GAHD, HAYZIE ??? … This legit feels like a queen just messaged me, HELP-

My cheeks probably looked like cherry tomatoes as I was reading this… your reaction was just so so genuine and lovely to hear from another fellow writer and briize 🥹

“YOURE REALLY DOING GREAT THINGS WITH THIS FIC ISTG” I’M THIS CLOSE 🤏 FROM PASSING TF OUT bc of you 😩 THIS IS TOO MUCH ADORATION, even for me :’] ~~

Also, you can curse here on my blog if you ever come back lol, but I’m SAUR glad you stumbled upon this fic bc your response literally made my fucking morning

Hugzies 🫂💕✨🌸

[trippinsorrows]

rant incoming lol don’t mind me just processing the latest chapter of ltye - your writing is so amazing ari you got me out here basically analyzing every single line of every chapter (for all your stories) and looking at every little thing like im back in english class reading shakespeare and writing reports on each section 😂 (your stories are so good the english major in me just comes out when i read them)

i’ve been thinking about the scene in the beginning where roman is discussing the events of what happened with his cousins and paul. solo said some really interesting stuff, it seems to me that we’re finally seeing him start to crack in front of his family and unable to keep his damn mouth shut. talking all that shit about his cousin’s wife and saying it with his chest is so wild.

a looot to unpack here with the whole interaction. my take is that solo has always felt like the “insignificant little brother” having to work twice as hard to prove himself as the baby of the family and prove that he deserves a seat at the table with his older brothers, despite all of them being family. yet, in his eyes, it was still never enough.

you kinda hinted at it in earlier chapters and with solo’s borderline hostile interactions with solana, but something tells me deep down he’s angry and has always felt like he was living in the shadows of the twins and roman. he’s envious and maybe even resentful of how close the 3 of them are and feels that it should rightfully be him. he’s the “outsider” and the ultimate insult to him was his “demotion” to being assigned as Solana’s protector.

,,there’s nothing more important than brotherhood, alright” rikishi saying this further proves to me that even their own father could see the unbreakable close bond roman and the twins have and how they basically run in their own pack of 3. and whether they realize it or not, solo might be their brother, but roman is their uce. even rikishi can see it.

anywaysssss he’s still tweaking and i just know the beat down he’s getting when roman finds out he’s an opp will feed families for generations to come!! :)

ahhhh, i loved reading this! never apologize for ranting, friend! ❤️

you being an english major and reading my typo ridden stories is a lil anxiety inducing, ngl. cause believe it or not, i'm pretty damn good when it comes to english and grammar, but i deadass break the rules all the time when it comes to that and my writing. 🤣

you're bringing up and highlighting some interesting sections. as we can see, solo has transitioned from being that quiet guard we forget is there half the damn time to someone who's now openly criticizing roman with his family.

one would wonder, and you've highlighted some valid points, where did this come from? was it always there? why now? granted, we can't forget how in that earlier chapter he did in fact tell roman he doesn't feel like what he's doing is important, per se. and roman promptly put his ass in his place.

so, it's a bit bewildering that even after that, solo seems to up the ante. does he resent solana? why when everything is already a mess would he start talking shit on roman.

there's just so many unknown variables, and it it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. 😅

[stephpuppet]

binge read your norrington/elizabeth fics and im OBSESSED. you briefly mentioned having an au in your head where james and jack are brothers — do you have any more thoughts about that? i’d never considered it before and now you’ve put the idea into my head i can’t escape it!!

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask!

I really love the James & Jack dynamic in the film series because it's quite an unusual protagonist/antagonist dynamic (which one's which is up for discussion!). There is actually a fic on fanfiction.net where James and Jack are brothers, though I can't remember the title for the life of me, so it has been done before.

I'm going to spend too much time gushing about what I would do with the concept, so I'll put it below the cut to avoid clogging anyone's feed.

I haven't managed to put it in a fic yet but I really like the idea of James having a really poor relationship with his father. Because then you can play with the idea that James's career ambitions are either 1. a way to prove himself to a father who will never think he's good enough, 2. him trying to succeed to spite a father. If Jack is his older brother this adds in another interesting dynamic of there being a black sheep in the family that James is trying to escape the shadow of but is also somewhat envious of, because Jack has the freedom of not caring what other people think of him and also being very successful in his own right.

Focusing on Jack for a moment. I think that Jack is a character primarily defined by his selfishness and in the films we rarely see him do something that isn't at least a little self-serving and the moments where he does do something unselfish are really nice. I like the idea of Jack having someone that he does actually value above himself, because (as far as I'm aware), we don't ever see that in the films. Jack debates becoming Captain of the Flying Dutchman himself before ultimately giving it to Will, but it wasn't like he had his heart set on the idea. He votes for Elizabeth to be Pirate King, but doing so didn't do anything to his own chances - he wasn't going to get voted in. I want to see him truly sacrifice for someone else.

If I had ever been able to write this idea I think it would have gone something like this.

Curse of the Black Pearl happens as normal just with a touch more "I'm going to arrest my law-breaking brother because I am the GoodSon(TM) and he keeps flirting with my girlfriend" and "hey bro, long-time no-see, whoa what's with the hostility? anywho I have things to do, let's catch up later".

James still goes after Jack in Dead Man's Chest, still on the "I must prove myself to Parental Figure That Sincerely Does Not Give a Fuck" bandwagon. Hurricane happens, only this time Jack and the Pearl go back to fish him out of the water. Cue lots of James being "I hate you, you're the worst brother ever, please leave me to die" and Jack being "Idgaf, I love you and you're going to stay on my ship and I'm going to take care of you while you have your existential crisis/breakdown."

Will and Elizabeth individually turn up for their respective plotlines and Jack deals with them with James just in the background still in his emo-teenager "life is meaningless, woe is me" phase.

From here it gets a bit fuzzy. In this verse, James doesn't steal the heart and betray everyone because, despite all his very dramatic angst, he does actually appreciate that someone gives a shit about him. I think this is one of the tragic aspects of his character in the films - he doesn't have anyone that cares for him. Governor Swann kind of does but I imagine that relationship dissipates when James is no longer a prospective son-in-law. His men respect him but I imagine a lot of that again goes when first he loses the Interceptor and a load of men in the attack on the Isla de Muerta and then again when the Dauntless is sunk in the hurricane. Elizabeth ditches him for Will. He just doesn't have anyone.

That's why I really like the idea of Jack and James being brothers, because it can give James someone that will love him unconditionally and it can give Jack someone he values as more than just a means to an end and also (crucially) something that he can lose. If you think about it, all the consequences Jack faces in the films are temporary - he dies and comes back, he loses the Pearl and gains it again.

I'm not sure when or how it would happen, but I like the idea that James still dies (possibly at the end of Dead Man's Chest) and Jack just loses it. His motivations during At World's End change from the rather impersonal 'Save Piracy and Stop Davy Jones', to 'Find Someway to Get James Back and Fuck Everyone and Everything Else'. There's now a solid motivation for him to try to become Captain of the Flying Dutchman and I feel it would be really interesting to see him sacrifice his principles and screw over people he cares about to achieve his goal. Like all bets are off, the ends will justify the means. And not just his innocent "Yes I betrayed you but it all worked out in the end", but legit life-ruining, "we will never forget or forgive this" betrayals.

I like to think in the end Jack succeeds, potentially without having to become Captain of the Dutchman. Like maybe he's able to make some deal with Davy Jones (and/or the EITC??, prob not though). He gets James back but at some huge cost. Would be super interesting if Elizabeth ends up dying because of Jack's actions and he has to lie about it to James because he knows James wouldn't forgive him if he knew what he had done.

Anyway those are my extensive thoughts on the subject. I like the ideas but I'm not motivated enough to commit them to paper and write the fic.

[cheolhub]

It's award season (unconfirmed)! Give some of your mutuals silly little awards.

OHAMSHAHGE OMG HOW EXCITING

award for being the most beautiful and talented person ive ever had the pleasure of knowing goes to🥇 @ncteez !!! HON, my lover, my wife, you are my favorite writer and artist and overall person, i love you so so so much. you’re also always taking care of me and it makes me want to get on a plane and give u a big smooch 🙈 miss u dearly, please come home to me soon </3

BEST YANDERE GOES TO @jeonghantis BRHSH im kidding dbbs. keir, there’s never a dull moment w you, so you get bestest friend award because there is no one who puts up with my annoying ass the way you do. you read over my shit, you laugh at my corny jokes, you let me be h word with u and best of all, u let me read ur heaven-sent work before anyone else — U ARE SO AMAZING I LOVE U SO MUCH

fastest writer goes to @toruro… im so envious of you actually 😭 you write so much and it’s all good content like you’re crazy (in a good way ofc) but i love u and ur work and ur so wonderful to me.

@hwanghyunjinenthusiast gets the award for being the biggest supporter!! RJ I SERIOUSLY ALWAYS LOOM FORWARD TO UR REBLOGS. i love you, thank u for always reblogging my fics with 30 funny ass reaction photos and for making me feel like im a good writer 🥹

kai (@lovelyhan) gets the sweetest person award but also the “im really jealous of u bc all ur works are toe-curling and you make me really nervous” award. i dont think i need to explain, the award says it all 🙊

@baeksbyunny BIGGEST BAEKHYUN/TAEIL/HAECHAN LOVER AWARD AND ALSO THE AWARD FOR BEING THE FRIENDLIEST AND LOVELIEST PERSON TO EVER EXIST. bex, seriously, i feel so taken care of every time we talk and i love u

@agustdiv1ne TWIN AWARD!!! we are literally clone copies of each other, i feel. we are both 5’5, both like choi san & p1h, and we are both obsessed with bf!yeonjun. I WANT TO TALK TO U MOREEEEE, if u have discord, add me 🤬 ill finally be able to send u my txt vids

@majestyjun BEST TXT BLOG THAT THIS APP HAS EVER SEEN GOES TO MILLS. my txt bias is actually millie, i have no idea who soobin is. no but seriously everything u write is so vsgwvevwhw i love it, i love ur blog 🫡

@rubyreduji gets the i wanna be ur friend award bc i always see ur posts on my dash and i wanna interact but i have crippling anxiety and literally dont know how to talk to people first 🤣

@hyuk4ngel gets the best ideas award… u know why… ur brain is massive and all my gyu fics are bc of u. ILY THANK U

@honeyhypen SWEETEST ANGEL BABY AWARD. MY LOVE, HONEY, u are everything to me. i am actually so happy i found you bc u are literally are like a breath of fresh air to me, idk what it is.

@heesbaby BEST SMAU’s AWARD BC OMG?! i usually dont read them but urs?! URS….. omg anyway also love of my life award. like seriously i love u. i wanna talk to u more so bad burgwgwgev i get nervous >< im getting back into enha tho and have no one to talk to abt it ….. so 🙊

[broodsys]

venting abt creative woes feel free to ignore <3

it has been really hard for me to post art, both drawing and writing. it's not just about engagement/lack thereof or abt concrit or about anything in particular. i just get so caught up in comparisons and breaking things down and wanting to be objectively "better" at it and idk if i'm even enjoying it anymore.

sometimes i think seriously about stopping? i'd still create but. just for me. idk.

and im having mixed feelings about fandom in general. idk. it's late at night and it's been dark for too many hours and ik that's putting me in A Mood(tm) but it's still been! hard! and i get sad and frustrated and self-conscious all the time

it just feels like im out here putting my ugly shit next to everyone's polished pretty pieces. and ik, ik, two cakes, i've been trying to internalize that, but it's hard right now. i cannot stop thinking about the pretty fics ive read and i cannot stop being so fucking envious of them and it feels gross! like i should just appreciate them? they're lovely, mine doesn't have to and shouldn't be a replica, etc etc, all these things i know intellectually, but... ugh.

and it's extra frustrating bc i know ppl like my stuff, esp my writing. they do! they've said it! ppl who have no cause to lie to me, strangers, etc. but i just can't feel it and im so... envy demon has a fucking hold of me lmao.

might be circling back to the going too fast/pushing myself too hard thing again. but i've just been dealing with the constant undercurrent of severe frustration with everything i attempt. i try to shake it off but idk, if it's this consistent...?

ugh. idk. i've been going back and forth on this for a while. do i push through? do i try to drop my standards? do i just keep all my stuff to myself? unknown.

like, no matter what im finishing my bigfic. for me. but idk. should i even bother posting it? it's not... it's not about engagement. it's about the fact that i feel like the whole thing is just kinda... an embarrassment? like i cannot stop looking at it thru the most critical, least compassionate version of a potential audience and it's fucking with me so bad. when im writing i enjoy it, i think it's cool, i think it's good. but then i post it and after a while im just so embarrassed. i still think it's good! but it's still also embarrassing! i've worked hard for years to learn to trust my audience, to not spoon-feed them every bit of information and then follow it up with a quick confirmation just to make sure they're getting it, but now i feel like i'm being drawn back into that.

i read it. i've reread it a few times, in fact, for pleasure and not for editing. i love it? but im also so embarrassed by it whenever im not like... actively reading it. it's just disheartening.

idk. it's my personal baggage more than anything ig.

anyway im genuinely not asking for my ego to be stroked here or w/e, just- this has been weighing kinda heavily on me for quite a while. it's very frustrating.

[sammywolfgirl]

i love the trio share all your thoughts.

Okay okay this is just thoughts on their dynamic

Wether you see them as romantic or platonic I think this works either way?

Anyways kouign amann being like the balancing force between the other two. Emotionally speaking. And she has a whole self acceptance thing I think she’d help the others with.

Prune juice has a really bad inferiority complex, one he tries to cover for by being a snarky little shit. But he’s very clearly envious of cookies who are naturally gifted at things he has to work hard to get to that level. Accepting himself feels like admitting to failure. Admitting he can’t do magic, admitting he will never be better than he is. But kouign would help show him that’s not what self acceptance is! It’s about understanding your limits AND your strengths. Showing him he’s still capable even without his potions. That admitting he can’t do magic doesn’t make him any less weak, any less valued.

Meanwhile with capsaicin he’s more like the opposite problem. He knows his power and fears it. If anything he doesn’t know his cap. He knows he’s strong, and he knows he’s intimidating. And he tries to be friendly and goofy to not scare anyone! But his power is mighty! And he’s scared to figure out how much he actually has. Because it took him so long just to get a grip on his current power level, he isn’t sure he could control himself if he gets stronger. And the thing is.. he does have more potential! In my own headcanon lore he’s part elemental and technically part dragon (or well born from an ember of a dragon it’s a whole thing) he can get stronger! He has abilities he didn’t know he had! But he was too scared to experiment in case he hurt those he cared for.

But kouign and prune juice would be by his side to reassure him! It’s okay to be scared but if he learned before he can do it again. And I think what capsaicin would conclude is before he can really accept himself he needs to know his origins, maybe not all the details but he wants to know why he was born like this. Maybe that’d explain why his powers are so strong? And kouign can use her connections as a paladin to get some leads and prune juice is well read, he’d find something im sure!

And basically they’d all work together and they compliment each others strengths and weaknesses and listen LISTEN

I care them SO MUCH

[swaggypsyduck]

it always seemed so unfair to me, good people having bad days. but then i remember that they won't last forever, especially for people of light spirit as yours. still need to say how much i appreciate you coming here and always trying to make everyone have a good laugh, even though you have your own issues. thank you for being this precious soul, we love you! <3

awww nikka it feels so unfair for you to send me just a heartfelt and kind message while im shit at finding the words to reply.

you have so much love in your heart and you feel so intensely. im envious of the way ur writing has so much feeling in it. since we share so many mutuals ive seen you type so many different ways to say "i love you". its so impressive and i read each one multiple times in the hopes i absorb any of ur talent for words through the screen. when i saw ur first comment i can't tell u how much it meant to me at the time to feel validated like that. everyone's support made me feel so warm and honestly it lessened the pain and stress i was feeling. it's crazy how much something as unquantifiable and abstract as feelings and support from people half way across the world, has an affect on something as concrete as the human body.

anyways enough about me moaning and groaning. i was looking on pintrest for licha and charlo pics but i couldn't choose just one so i put them all together:

[sungbeam]

no because i am def not tripping when i feel like im disconnected from my friends irl. like ik i haven't exactly been the best at keeping in touch, and that's my fault but idk,,, i think after senior year, i've just become so used to ghosting people and letting relationships rot. it's an awful habit. idek what's wrong w me, but im scared ig, idk what im scared of, but im def being a coward. ik these people care abt me, but for some reason, sometimes i feel like im not on their same wavelength. maybe i just don't feel as comfortable around them anymore cuz we're all split up, but after senior year, i just had a feeling we were never gonna be the same.

ik they care, ofc i know they care. they've been my best girls for almost my entire life. i love them so much, but i feel so far away. maybe im just scared and INSECURE. i think my insecurity breaks so many relationships for me,, it's just awful. i wish i could just suck it up and be happy for them bc they deserve all of this success. why am i envious when i don't even deserve to be envious? i haven't done shit, or as much as i def could have.

jfc what happened to me

everything is so personal, every little detail. it's not that deep, and yet i feel like an odd man out. im prob just making this up and seeing things yk?... i just,,, wish i could work up the guts to be straightforward and honest and supportive. i try to be supportive and excited when i can, but i think it's just the bitterness holding me back and turning myself into a villain or whatever. didn't i say congrats too? did i make it abt me on accident or am i just reading things wrong? i wanted to be there for u, too, i swear, but i just... i can't even be here for myself; i hope u understand. it's not ur fault; it's mine. idk how to fix it but i miss u, even tho im too full of cowardice to tell u and to make amends.

i used to tell them everything. i can barely get myself to show up in the gc now.

i hate thinking like... they didn't really ask how i was either. im just bitter bitter bitter for no reason. too scared to be thrown aside and forgotten and always being the last choice again and again, so i just remove myself as a choice in the first place.

oh my god i need to see a therapist