#Loneliness epidemic

[skullchicken]

How to crawl out of a deep dark hole of loneliness

In no particular order - and you might have to re-do some steps over and over until they take. This is written in a way I would have put it if I would address my past self. If you take umbrage with the tone, know it's not necessarily you I am talking to.

Take what applies, leave the rest.

Part 1 - Mindset

Understand the difference between being alone and being lonely

Being alone is being by yourself. Loneliness is a feeling of lacking social connections or lacking in social connections. You can be alone and peaceful and content, you can be lonely amongst people.

Grieve the abandonment you have received.

No-one deserves to be lonely. Not you, not anyone. Whatever the reason for your loneliness may be, that remains true. Process your feelings, have compassion with yourself.

Realize that social connection is something that you want from other people.

Realize that other people don't owe you connection.

No-one deserves loneliness, but no-one is owed connection either. It is a harsh truth, but one that must be understood.

Come to terms with the fact that since you want social connection, it will probably be on you to reach out and put yourself out there until relationships have been established (and maybe even then - some people are wonderful, but they aren't good at reaching out and never will be).

Give yourself space to feel afraid. Have compassion with yourself. Reaching out is hard. Putting yourself out there is hard.

Keep in mind that your threat response might be higher than the average person's.

If you have been lonely for a long time, chances are your social skills are dusty and your threat response is high as a result (or maybe due to past trauma or maybe that's just how you're wired).

Chances are good you are perceiving other people's reaction towards you more negatively than they intend it to be. This will slowly, slooowwwwwly vanish with practice. And I'm sorry that this is how it is right now. I recommend looking into getting a CBT app - e.g. MindShift. It's free and it really helped me. (Note: the app is for dealing with anxiety and focuses specifically on helping you to re-evaluate your thinking patterns)

It helps to approach people with curiosity and love in your heart

Misanthropy is understandable. It's also not helpful in the slightest. If all of humanity sucks, what use would it be to try and strike up a conversation with any one person? Why would I try to talk to them if I assume that they have nothing interesting to say?

You have had love in the past, there is no reason why there can't be love again. There is something good out there and it is on you to find it.

[imaginesyphilishappy]

and what if I told you that the world's most powerful people have, near the top of their agenda, the goal of making you more individualistic and lonely?

people who are lonely and isolated have their own netflix accounts, cars, insurance policies, internet plans, etc. and are much more likely to grab fast food, starbucks, etc. They are more likely to buy gadgets to entertain themselves and are less likely to share these with others. Individualism leads straight to mass consumerism which leads to corporate profits at the expense of us and the planet

[muckyschmuck]

[shinygemstone]

Lately I've noticed a trend online where everyone is Miserable and Lonely all the time and the younger people are the meaner they get for some reason. So I kind of want to get some info I guess

(also, before you click, context: dependent means that someone else is the primary source of your livelihood. This applies to minors and young adults who don't support themselves- like, if they go to college and work a few hours a week.

Independent applies to anyone else. If your partner is the primary source of your income, pop right here. If you work more than, say, 20 hours a week and either pay rent/own your home, hop over here. Also, yes, homemakers belong here

We'll say that "miserable" means that you feel that generally, your life sucks, and there's no imminent reprieve. "Lonely" is more obvious- you feel like you can't connect with people)

If you feel neither miserable nor lonely, feel free to share life tips for how you avoid those feelings in the notes.

[a-hearts-a-heavy-burden]

I posted in a queer friendly group trying to make friends. (I have none here 😔) And people are "liking" the post but nobody is interacting.

I am sooo desperate for friends, for hang outs, for hugs, for movie/wine nights, for laughing, for music with someone close, for beach days, for coffee dates, for silly adventures etc

I am so painfully lonely and it's making me not want to exist. 💔

[robbinnnnn]

friendly neighbourhood pharmacy

[barnabytremayne]

The Art of Disappearing: A Symphony of Self-Loathing

My absence is a finely tuned instrument, a melody of discomfort played on the strings of my low self-esteem. It's a concerto composed in the key of self-loathing, a solo performance for the orchestra of empty chairs that line the stage of my life.

I don't grace people with my absence out of arrogance, like some aloof king bestowing his presence upon the unworthy. No, it's a desperate act of kindness, a sacrifice on the altar of their comfort. I'm a walking storm cloud, a human embodiment of awkward silences and forced smiles. My presence, I fear, is a contagious disease, my laughter a discordant note in the symphony of social harmony.

So, I vanish. I become a ghost, a whisper in the wind, a shadow flitting through the periphery of their vision. I cancel plans, feign illness, invent elaborate excuses to slip away into the comforting embrace of solitude. It's a lonely dance, this self-imposed exile, but it's a dance I've mastered with the grace of a seasoned ballerina of self-deprecation.

Why subject them to the spectacle of my self-inflicted misery? Why burden them with the awkwardness of interacting with a creature who sees only flaws in the mirror of self-reflection? My absence, I believe, is a gift, a silent plea for them to forget the rain cloud that lingers above my head and remember, for a fleeting moment, the sunshine that may once have peeked through.

It's not a noble act, this self-imposed exile. It's a symptom, a festering wound of self-doubt that festers in the recesses of my soul. I envy the ease with which others navigate the social landscape, their laughter echoing like wind chimes in a summer breeze. I yearn to join the dance, to shed the cloak of invisibility and step into the light.

But the fear, it's a paralyzing monster that claws at my ankles, whispering tales of rejection and disappointment. It's a voice that drowns out the timid counter-melody of hope that whispers of connection and acceptance.

So, I retreat, my absence a silent apology for the person I fear I am. I build walls of solitude, brick by painful brick, hoping that one day, the mortar of self-forgiveness will be strong enough to hold back the tide of self-loathing.

Perhaps one day, I'll find the courage to disarm the monster, to silence the chorus of self-doubt. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to join the dance, not as a ghost, but as a participant, flaws and all. But until then, my absence will remain, a melancholic symphony played on the strings of a heart that yearns to be heard.

[amnafarooqi]

Loneliness, my lover

Between lilac sheets and lucid daydreams, She comes to me, A phantom ghost, a translucent being, And whispers sweet nothings, Miserable and haunting, Embraces me, crushing my ribs, Leaving me wanting, gasping, Clings onto me, sucking my soul, Softly killing, while all I say to her: "Loneliness, my lover, You're a petty darling".

-Amna Farooqi

[imsodunwiththis]

It’s all “mental health matters” but it’s never “mental illness matters”

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ intrusive thoughts, suicide, self harm, violence, psych wards mention

It’s “mental health matters”

Until it comes to the male loneliness epidemic

Until it comes to schizo-spec disorders

Until it comes to personality disorders

Until it comes to visual (sight), auditory (sound), tactile (touch), gustatory (taste), or olfactory (smell) hallucinations

Until it comes to bad hygiene (not changing your socks, underwear, brushing your teeth, not showering, etc.)

Until it comes to having panic/anxiety attacks

Until it comes to “inappropriate” tics (swearing, hitting, etc.)

Until it comes to stimming (rocking back and forth, making animal noises, etc.)

Until it comes to delusions

Until it comes to paranoia

Until it comes to physical symptoms caused from mental illnesses

Until it comes to not being able to get out of bed for days

Until it comes to intrusive thoughts (murder, rape, sexual assault, hurting friends and loved ones, etc.)

Until it comes to suicide

Until it comes to self harm (cutting, burning, over exercise, not eating, eating too much, isolating, etc.)

Until it comes to psych wards

If you struggle from any mental health issues ir illnesses I’m doing a project and if you want to help raise awareness about mental illnesses and the affects of it message me and we can talk THIS IS OPEN TO ANYONE

I only have the semester (sometime in January) to do this project

[highsummonertemptress]

I've noticed this from so many people lately but online, everyone has an opinion for everything because they don't have a close circle or community offline to listen to them, and it's so normalised now I hate it

[kira-bennett]

I'm just going to rant about this here because whenever the topic comes up IRL no one bothers to actually listen to what I am saying and it devolves into people being condescending as ever-loving fuck to me. At least if I post it here I can pretend people actually care what I have to say, and get it out the way I want to say it without being interrupted, having jokes made at my expense, and being ridiculed for having issues of my own.

The concept of awkward, really forced methods of getting people to date, especially in east Asian countries, came up, and it turned into a whole debate about the loneliness epidemic. The key points that were used to justify these awkward methods were, 1. Well the people are not reproducing so if they don't do this the population and culture will die out, and 2. work culture (specifically in east Asian countries) makes it impossible to date normally.

In response to point 1, culture is based on how people are raised, not genetics. You don't have to have a bunch of kids to keep a culture going. Letting people who truly want to embrace the local culture move in isn't going to change the culture much more than it would over generations because every generation, even if raised in the culture, changes it in some way. It's why we can look back on previous generations like they were a bunch of idiots and assholes. Typically my point that reproduction isn't the most important thing in the world, and in fact, expecting constant growth is just capitalist bullshit, is met with "we have the resources, just not the proper distribution" and honestly my point to that is that you have to work within the system you are in, not the system you could be in. Still work towards those better systems, but plan as if there isn't going to be a miracle because change, especially on a global scale, is slow.

Point 2 is an interesting one, because the obvious answer is to improve work culture, and to do that, people are bargaining with the best chip they have, the future. If people are not dating and reproducing because the culture is hostile to that sort of thing, the people in charge will have to decide which matters more to them, the culture or the future/reproduction. These half measures of awkward, forced encounters is just an embarrassing attempt at distracting from the real issue. It reminds me of the 4B movement (which started in Korea but is gaining traction in other countries) where women have decided not to date or reproduce because the current conditions for that are not favorable. More importantly, these measures seem to have been working, as changes seem to have gone in the worker's favor. According to statistica, Japanese employees work on average 136 hours a month, or 31.6 hours a week (for context, the average in America is 34.2), which is notably different from the 147 hours a month (34.2 hours a week) that was considered average in 2012. An anti-karoshi law, the Work Style Reform Law (which capped overtime) was ratified on June 29, 2018. There are other changes that have been made, but I feel like I have made my point. This begs the question of why dating has gotten so much harder despite work conditions, the supposed cause of this issue, getting better?

This study by Japan's Gender Equality Bureau illustrates how, married women, even while working outside the home, do 77% of the household labor and women are pushed out of careers they enjoy because they have kids. Another report by the same organization shows that women report not wanting to get married because they want to maintain their freedom, and don't want to be burdened with childcare and housework. In that study, you will also find that the majority of divorces were caused by personality conflict, mental abuse, and adultery, with illness and financial hardship being the least common causes of divorce (a hard blow for the "women only care about good looking wealthy men" crowd, I am sure.) People around the world are refusing to have kids, as evidenced by total fertility rates slowing worldwide, so it only makes sense to look at this issue on a global scale, and I'm sure that, while the exact numbers may be different depending on the country, many women across the globe can relate to these statistics. What I am trying to get at with this is that, as women gain the ability to support themselves independently from men, but still face a disproportional level of violence and discrimination, it is no surprise that those women will shy away from dating.

This draws me closer to another point I need to make, and the reason this topic bothers me so much. We are Americans, having this conversation in America, and, as such, enter this conversation shaped by the cultural conflicts of western society. A common issue here is what is known as the "male loneliness epidemic" and the incel problem. According to multiple studies men and women experience loneliness at similar rates, but the media frequently talks about the "male loneliness epidemic" and what to do about it, but if men and women experience loneliness at similar rates, why does only one side's loneliness warrant a solution? Well, its the incel problem. A lot of men who don't have much luck in relationships resort to violence (Elliot Rodger, Alek Minassian, Armando Hernandez Jr., and Oguzhan Sert, are some infamous examples), some men profit off of promoting violence and abuse (Andrew Tate, Jordan B. Peterson, etc), and even more justify it. This misogynistic entitlement to sex has gone on for a while in American society (after all, it was legal to rape your wife in the US until 1993) and a lot of women are done. They can support themselves financially, trying to date could put them in contact with someone who will rape and/or murder her for saying no, and if they did get married they would have to do the majority of the housework even if they have a job. It is no surprise that women don't have much motivation to date men, and, if they do, some choose to engage with them in the same, disgusting, transactional ("I'll provide sex if you provide money") way the men that listen to Andrew Tate expect. Meanwhile, the men who seem to be having the most issue finding a date always blame women for "only wanting a 6ft tall, fit, 6 figure man" despite the fact that, if you just take a second to look around, most women are not exactly married to/dating the stereotypical "desirable" man. Most women I know are dating or married to someone generic as hell looking with an income similar to theirs.

The worst part about it is, these people are spouting these lies about "what women expect" or, if they are at least trying to cover their misogyny, "what most woman are told to want," but these things are completely divorced from reality. As someone who was born female and socialized as a woman (the fact that I don't identify as one seem to only be respected when I am agreeing with them, so I feel the need to use more precise language here), I remember being told by parents, teachers, and strangers to give men that made me uncomfortable a chance, date the guy who gave off school shooter vibes so (if he decides to do it) I would be safe, a decent woman can change a horrible man (so give the guy covered in red flags a chance), and many other horrible things that basically say "what you want doesn't matter, what he wants does." I don't know where they got this whole "women are told to only accept physical and financial perfection" bullshit from, but it doesn't align with my experience, nor does it line up with the experience of most women. I have done that in the pass, swallowed my feelings in hopes of making the creepy guy feel less alone, and it invariably led to violence and/or sexual assault, which is probably why this conversation sets me off so much. I have also experienced profound levels of isolation and loneliness in my life (try having your only human contact, for years at a time, be your abusive immediate family and tell me again how "I can't get a date" compares on the loneliness scale). I will never condone any argument where someone has to accept putting themselves in that level of danger just to make someone feel less lonely, and that is exactly what these people imply when they complain about women choosing not to date (let's not get into the misogyny of not believing the reasons these women actually give, as shown in the previously mentioned study, just to substitute your own reasoning. It's not like women can make logical decisions and voice their reasoning, right? /obvious fucking sarcasm). I am tired of being told I'm the one in the wrong for saying people need to stop prioritizing sex, dating, and marriage, over someone else pursuing happiness in a way that feels safer for them.

[iamdarthbader]

No offense, but you have to be kind to people who haven’t started healing too. If you show them there is no kindness in the world for them, they won’t want to heal.

[faithfromanewperspective]

realising just how alone many of us are rn. and I’ve being saying ‘distribute social capital’ for years but it’s not that simple is it? like it’s something you have to build with every person, and we’re all so traumatised it just makes it twice as hard to get past all the coping mechanisms and life as it is now doesn’t allow the time for it. and it sucks to know I’m good at this very thing but at the same time, there’s only so much one person can do. like I struggle to pull together the people to make my own needs get met

[surfer-subway]

Loneliness feels like sinking in a pool–the more we struggle against it, the deeper we descend. It seems like there is no way out. Like nothing we can do will ever stop the pain.

Dating apps are something of a false saviour. While they promise to offer connection, their business models thrive on isolation. The more we desire connection with another human being and the more lonely we feel, the more we use these apps and the more they can sell us their subscription plans and, in some cases, literal advertisements. Anyone who's been on these apps for some time probably knows how it feels like the algorithm is purposefully preventing us from getting the connection we want. Because, if we were all happily in relationships, who would have any use for a dating app?

That is not to say dating apps have no use, or that they do not provide any benefit at all. In my personal experience, they have been a great tool for me to push myself out of my comfort zone, practice starting conversations, practice approaching people, and gaining confidence. But the more I use them, the deeper I sink into the depths of loneliness. I get any matches, and the few that I do get all ghost me within a few messages, or less. This makes me feel disheartened. I'm left once again feeling disappointed, questioning my worth.

*

There is a difference, though, between the feeling of loneliness itself, and the self-judgement that might come with it. In my case, I often judge myself for not being good enough, or charismatic enough, to earn the affection of other people, especially women. This self-judgement is separate from the feeling of loneliness itself. This judgement adds another layer of suffering that is entirely self-inflected. I think it's important not to be too hard on ourselves. We need to give ourselves grace. Allow ourselves to be imperfect, because only once we do that can we slowly learn to improve on our flaws. It's okay to be flawed now.

Of course, that is easier said than done. I still don't have everything figured out yet, and that's okay.

[autumneddy]

How to find yourself a man:

approach him

be nice to him

talk with him

How to find yourself a woman:

Approach her

Be nice to her

Talk with her

How to find yourself a partner:

APPROACH THEM

BE NICE TO THEM

TALK TO THEM

Any questions?

[larunart]

MY ULTIMATE SOLUTION FOR THE LONELINESS EPIDEMIC

which I created for a University entrance exam ~2 months ago. I don’t know if I’m actually allowed to share this work but who really cares, right?

Character is loosely based on myself because I couldn’t be bothered to design a whole new character for this assignment. Chose a bell icon and the term “spiral” - then connected it to a problem related to overconsumption and created a solution.

Professor asked me how the hell I even came up with this but the answer is simple, it was telepathically transferred into my head thanks to a group of extraterrestrials.

To detail the function of this GENIUS controller: In it are miniature chimpanzees contained - one half does the calculations to find your PERFECT friend (across space and time!) meanwhile the other half uses stationary bikes to create the energy necessary to open the portal to aforementioned perfect friend. It is definitely NOT animal friendly but who isn’t willing to sacrifice an animal or two to be happy?

Overall, if I got to give this another try I’d design it quite a bit different. This DID get me accepted by the school but just on a personal level I’m not quite satisfied. Be it with the linework, colors, technique… but was still fun to do! Also loved drawing myself in the Shinji pose.