#Literally had time to send my retainers out again

[zylphiacrowley]

Gee Z, how do you find time to gpose all the time?

...I hard queue for Alliance raids as a DPS. OTL

[cryptidmickle]

your amnesiac au makes me scream and sob and cry forever & ever do you have any thoughts or comments on it that you havent been able to share to the world yet

CRIES AS I DROP MILLIONS OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE SKETCHES FROM MY POCKETS, I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS I HAVE YET TO BE ABLE TO SHARE OR MAKE COHERENT

ahh i've been posting a Little out of order, as in this au smilk and pv have actually been communicating since beast yeast ep 1&2!! smilk's been haunting his ass for a while now and they had even started to become accustomed to the other, finding their similarities and behaviors easy to understand and work with.... white lily knows pure vanilla has been talking to him, but hoped the extent of those interactions was just uncomfortable threats and taunts....

she was Not happy when pure vanilla disappeared and more so when he came back with memory-less shadow milk

a lot of stuff is up in the air considering these bastards story isn't finished yet, but i think the incident leading to smilk's amnesia takes place in the time of golden cheese getting yoinked by burning spice? so while shes fighting for her life, pv is dragging a clown out of the bushes and begging for white lily to not send him immediately to the dungeons

the spell that pv hit smilk with i've decided is quite literally a baby version of smilk's attack ingame! ☝️or at least, a really fucked up version of it, pv is REALLY bad at attack magic and heh. well. now smilk's souljam is cracked and he can't seem to remember anything! though he does still retain a lot of his old knowledge, like spell creation and sciences, old folklore....... it actually unnerves him a lot, how much he knows yet knows nothing of himself

pure vanilla actually feels really guilty about attacking smilk, but he was cornered and wasn't going to last much longer healing himself over and over again. part of the reason he decided to help him and take him in! part.

pure vanilla is not very honest about his motivations in regards to shadow milk

when the ancients find out about pure vanilla (and to an extent, white lily) harboring shadow milk in the faerie kingdom, they're very... not enthused! dark cacao visits along with golden cheese to make sure they're alright and it wasn't a false letter, and almost attack smilk on sight. valid honestly.

golden cheese especially since she just finished dealing with burning spice by this point (classic pv move to take a while before admitting he has another criminal in his sleeve)

hollyberry comes to visit when its her turn with her beast (eternal sugar babygirl come home) and she's actually the only ancient to support pvs attempt at rehabilitation of shadow milk, of course after trying to beat him to a pulp a little! (pv twitches at the word rehabilitation)

hmm last thing to end this ramble, shadow milk's cracked souljam made it unusable, think of it like a dead battery

he can't access the powers it granted him, but it also means the corruption of the souljam was made null. the shadow milk of this au is corruption free and so a lot of the things he'll be told about himself is a little... jarring. terrifying maybe.

i mean... you really don't know what you're capable of until you do it, i suppose!

i'm giving everyone a morality crisis

[dilatorywriting]

“I will love you forever and when ‘forever’ ends, I’ll love you some more.”

For the event, can I request Malleus for this? I need to send ALL my love to him ASAP. Although for this, feel free to have him being the one saying it to reader.

Gender Neutral Reader x Malleus Draconia Word Count: 1.2k

Prompt 51: "I will love you forever and when ‘forever’ ends, I’ll love you some more."

[EVENT MASTERLIST]

There was something about being in love with a fae that would always be at least a little intimidating.

No, it wasn’t the unearthly powers that could literally rip through the fabric of time and space with a snap of his fingers. No, it wasn’t the cold, serpentine stare or the sharp fangs in his mouth that shined like well-polished knives under the right light. It wasn’t even the horns. Even though they added an extra foot onto the dragon’s already stupidly impressive height.

But there were other things, sometimes. Less tangiblethings.

You tried not to think about it too much, because you loved Tsunotarou. Really, you did. And you didn’t want some… some creeping thing at the fringes of your consciousness to ruin that.

It was cold tonight, and you puffed warm breath onto your fingers. Normally Malleus was the one waiting for you to arrive at your usual Gargoyle Filled haunts, but he’d had a meeting with his retainers today. And you weren’t surprised he was running a bit late in the aftermath.

‘Man, I’m surprised Draconia is ever on time for anything,’ Ace had complained, during some mandatory assembly or other. Watching as Malleus floated into the room a solid two hours after scheduled.

‘He’s usually very punctual,’ you’d answered, confused.

‘Sure, sure. But don’t fae have, like, super fucked up senses of time?’ the redhead mused. ‘Like I bet you could tell him to meet you in an hour and he’d show up a week later or something.’

“Child of man,” a familiar timbre called out over the snow, and you perked up immediately, hopping from foot to foot to get your circulation going again before trotting out to meet him halfway.

“Tsunotarou!” you chirped. “How was your day?”

“Dreadful,” he answered, deadpan, and bent his arm neatly so that you could tuck your fingers into the crook of his elbow and snuggle yourself into his side. He was like a walking furnace, what with the roaring, emerald fires in his belly. And the snowflakes seemed to melt before they’d even touched his skin. “Nothing but paperwork. Perhaps I should turn them all into enchanted quills, and then they might finally be fit for their positions.”

You snorted into your glove. “You’d need to turn some of them into ink then, too.”

“Ah, of course,” he intoned. And then shot you a smirk that was just on the right side of besotted. “Whatever would I do without your wise guidance?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you teased, and then smiled right back in that stupidly, soppy way. “But you seemed more than smart enough to manage on your own before I came along. And I’m sure you’ll go back to being brilliant when I’m gone,” you added on a laugh.

But Malleus didn’t join in your giggling.

The fae stopped in place, and you were dragged to a halt with him. You blinked up at him, confused. His expression was… complicated.

“You are leaving?” he asked, each word sounding like it had to be pried out of his mouth with a crowbar.

“What?” you blinked. “Of course not.” Crowley never having bothered to lift a feathery finger to find you a way home aside, you had more than enough reasons to stay here for as long as your meager, mortal life would allow. Going home… it soured something in your stomach that you didn’t even want to consider. So you just tightened your fingers around his arm and shot him as reassuring of a smile as you could muster. “Even if I had the choice, I’d be staying right here.”

But that just made Malleus’s brow pinch up tighter.

“Then what did you mean?” he questioned, perplexed. “When you said ‘when I’m gone.’”

Ah.

You fought a guilty wince. You hadn’t wanted to drag your own little terrors into his worries as well. You really needed to get a better leash on the poor quips that managed to tumble out of your mouth.

“Well, just that, uhm…” You waved your free hand awkwardly. “You know.”

More furrowing.

“I do not,” he said, sounding grumpy. It was a bit adorable, seeing an almighty prince and near God pout at you. But you fought off the urge to coo over his pursed lips and scrunched nose. Time and place, self. Time and place.

“I’m mortal,” you said finally, hoping that would cover it.

“And?”

Ugh. Come on, dude. Give me something here.

You shrugged, tight and awkward. “Just that, well, you know. Your lifespan is near infinite right? And mine is sort of set to be…” You held up your fingers and pinched them close together. “Uhm. Not that.”

“And you think that such an inconsequential factor means that you will be leaving me?” he asked, and you blinked at him in outright confusion.

“It’s pretty consequential,” you squeaked out, and averted your gaze. “And.. and besides. I knew that from the beginning. And I just want to be able to make the best out of the time with you that I have,” you said, hoping it sounded properly reassuring and not like the start of a particularly peppy obituary.

“…I see,” the Prince said, low. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll be gone, I’m sure.”

You blinked again, owlish and slow.

“Pardon?”

“What is the human expression…?” he hummed, tucking your arm back tightly against his side and starting up your leisurely stroll once more. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder? Almost so much as time itself.”

Yeah, you wanted to amend. But not from beyond the grave.

“I guess so,” you shrugged.  

“Can you imagine then,” he hummed. “How much I’ll love you in a thousand years?”

“I—” you swallowed, feeling tears prick at the back of your eyes.

But rather than give your poor, fluttering soul a chance to recover, he just pushed onwards.

“I will love you forever, and when ‘forever’ ends, I suppose that I’ll just love you even more,” he said, perfectly level and serious, like he hadn’t just absolutely pulled your heart out of your chest and set the whole of you on fire.

You stared up at his regal, handsome face from beneath a soft veil of falling snow. With those cold, emerald eyes, the pointed fangs, the horns. You felt like your stomach had fallen out at your toes, like the whole of you was bound to float away like a balloon lost in the breeze. Because he’d said—he’d really—

“And of course,” the dragon shrugged. “I’ve always intended to extend your lifespan to begin with.”

You gaped at him wordlessly for a moment, before letting out a hideously embarrassed squawk and pounding at his chest with your gloved hands.

“You could’ve told me that!” you shrieked, practically steaming in the cold with the heat pulsing off your cheeks.

“I suppose,” he smirked, catching your flailing fists easily in one of his own large hands. “But then I wouldn’t have been able to see your reaction to my declarations, would I?” he cooed, all smooth, dark chocolate and smoky embers. “And I had to work so hard to memorize those lines. Fitting as they are, I was told that the moment to use them would have to be perfect, and—"

“Did Lilia set you up for this?” you choked.

Malleus snorted and turned to tug you further down the path. “Only a little.”

.

.

[yandere-wishes]

Long ramble anon here, I'm happy you liked my long ask I was just concerned that I put way too much as I have a tendency to hyperfixate snd overexplain, hence the tldr at the end. To be honest ever since seeing the fox beastman I've been on a bit of a kick with theorizing things for him. (Did the same thing with Rollo hehe) Anyway, if you want some more of my takes I'm happy to share.

Alright so you know how beastmen retain some of their animalistic traits? Well my brain immediately goes to what this means for their romantic endeavors and courting behaviors. Not much is known about the courting process for foxes, but we do know that scent marking and loud vocal barking is used to attract a mate. How does this carry over to a humanoid fox? Well, my theory is that he will likely give his darling something like his coat, or spray whatever cologne he uses on their things or use more of it when he knows he's going to see them. As for the loud vocal barking you better believe my mind immediately went to him just belting out a serenade for his darling, regardless of how he actually may sound I think he's self-assured and prideful enough to believe this would definitely entice his soon to be mate.

Another interesting thing about foxes is that they are monogamous to a fault, rarely ever taking another mate after the passing of their partner, instead remaining loyal until their own passing (at least this was what I've read in my admittedly surface level research). To me this means two things, 1) once Fellow sets his eyes on a darling that's absolutely it for him regardless of how he has to get them by his side it is an inevitability so if they would just be a good dear and surrender early on everything could be so much better, and 2) should anything unfortunate befall to his darling he wouldn't ever fall for anyone else and likely never fully recover emotionally.

Tldr; The fox man would woo his darling with his surely illustrious (at least to him) voice and his cologne or perhaps natural pheromones, and once he woos them Fellow would never so much as look at another in the same light.

Don't apologize Anon!! I love it when people send in long asks about their hyperfixations!! It feels so endearing and sweet and makes me want to give you a big hug!! I'm literally the same when it comes to hyperfixate and overexplain, when I'm obsessed with something (TV show, movie, game, etc) I need to feel it in my veins!! Plus being able to chat about it with people on Tumblr is always one of the best parts!!

I can't stop laughing at the thought of Fellow sending his darling with loud obnoxious barking 🤣🤣 Bonus points if the reader is a regular human and just stares at him confused, while Leona, Ruggie, and Jack just nod in approval in the background (or in anger and disbelief, depends on the scenario). The idea of him sharing his cologne and jacket with Reader is actually really sweet. I like to think that some ways down the line if Fellow ever had to go away for an extended period of time. Reader would just cuddle into a corner hugging his jacket and spraying some of his cologne on herself. He'd be so delighted coming home and smelling his scent so strongly on his beloved.

I love this!! Just Fellow knowing that reader is the one from the first look 😍😍😍😍 He's so smitten and lays on the charm extra thick. Wanting them all so badly and doing anything to get them. If Reader should die (Lord forbid) Fellow definitely wouldn't get another partner BUT he'd also go the extra mile and try to resurrect them. Magic exists in Twisted Wonderland so I'm sure someone out there has the ability to raise the dead. He'd do absolutely anything to hold you in his arms again.

Look Reader is getting a really sweet deal here. A tall handsome man (+ bonus he comes with A SUPER FLUFFY TAIL AND EARS) with a smooth voice, and a charming personality. Willing to give her anything, do anything for her, and make sure she had the best life imaginable. He's physically incapable of cheating and would fawn over the reader like a lovestruck puppy. He's literally just perfect!! Ignoring the manipulative tendencies, obsessive behavior, and ability to maim someone with his teeth😊😊

[deer-with-a-stick]

I've rewatched the cinematic like 6 times now in a row and here some of the things I've noticed:

Kindred (Lamb specifically for the first two) is vaguely hinted at three times before the big Tryndamere scene. Once when Tryndamere looks up and sees her silhouette before his eyes close, once when Kayle's fire flares and consumes Aatrox, and once when Yasuo looks up, sees Wolf's eyes looking at him, and Lamb's arrow flies out in front of the storm of regular arrows.

Morgana's helmet does not match her at ALL, but it mirrors Kayle. Kind of like saying Morgana's forcing herself to be a warrior like Kayle at first, with the identical helmets and sword.

She then later casts the helmet off, leaving her sword in the ground. Kayle is the one who picks it up.

Kayle looks completely at home with the whiteness of the clouds but Morgana stands out a lot with the purple. But she doesn't match Aatrox's red either.

Morgana gets up immediately. Kayle does not.

The first thing Morgana does is look back for her sister.

The difference in Kayle's eyes when she first sees Morgana stand up in front of Aatrox compared to the almost disinterest or contempt in them when Morgana is visibly straining to keep her corrupted chains intact.

Kayle's transformation/embrace of her power seems far less taxing/painful than Morgana's (eyes simply start glowing golden with no hint of pupils or the iris while Morgana still retains a distinction between the pupils, iris, and scelera. Darkness also starts creeping down out of her eyes, like cracking through her skin.)

When Morgana collapses, Kayle does not look back.

Aatrox's body burns away but the sword doesn't (I still can't get over the brief flash of kindred's silhouette in the fire. It's there for like a quick second and you get the impression of something humanoid and with a bow).

Yasuo no longer has his original sword (no sheath on him when he appears either) and wraps wind around the blade he picks up every time he attacks. Doesn't necessarily look like he's actually killing anyone (except for maybe the first two people. or maybe they do die but they don't animate the gore).

It's almost like the wrapping on his arm is keeping the wind inside of him and/or keeping him together as he uses his power. Underneath the cloth, the pattern of wind or magic seems to mirror his spirit blossom skin's arm.

And again, Wolf's eyes shining out of the darkness and using the faint shape of the trees in the distance to hint at his head. Yasuo sees it, closes his eyes and accepts his death, so Lamb's arrow soars out in front of the mortal arrows, all the while Wolf still watches.

The fade in so it looks like the bare branches of the trees against the pale sky are like tendrils of darkness encroaching on the light, converging on a snowflake that almost bursts into existence. The snowflake is also unnaturally large and when it sinks into Tryndamere's blade, it almost melts and reforms, sending a bit of ice crawling across the blade as though following grooves carved into it.

Tryndamere has visible scars across his body. He sees no enemies but Kindred in the space around him.

Wolf alternates between looking like a shadow wolf and just a bunch of shadows in a vaguely wolf-like shape, blinking out of existence as he fights, which helps emphasize the whole "Lamb is the corporeal one out of the two" aspect of Kindred's duality while also making him scarier than just a floating head in space during the fight in my opinion (since he feels heavier and that helps with the "yes he's a THREAT" feeling)

Wolf is significantly more dynamic than Lamb is, and she doesn't really seem to move unless its necessary.

Slow head tilts, once when Tryndamere swings his blade at her, and again when she backflips out of the way, but this one is more noticeable. Wolf attacks immediately, but Lamb observes. Adds to spooky factor. Despite the fact that she literally had a big sword pass under her chin, she still moves slowly and deliberately.

The light of Ashe's arrows clears up the darkness in the background when they fly past Lamb, and the light switches from cool lighting to warm lighting.

The arrows don't move like real arrows as well (no wobble while flying), so if you misses the blue glowy thing then here's more confirmation they're magic! Also makes them seem unnaturally stiff, which works with the "they're made of magic ice" thing.

Tryndamere's eyes immediately shift towards the camera (to where Ashe/Lamb is standing and away from Wolf) and his expression also immediately loses that rage that has been keeping him alive (the expressions were REALLY good holy shit).

Ashe appears and Lamb melts away, taking the unnatural darkness that covered everything beyond the immediate battlefield away.

She's not wearing a god damn bikini and instead some actual leather armor, which has nice gold designs on it. Her bow is also steaming despite the cold air, which makes sense because True Ice is like 5 degrees Kelvin or something

Tryndamere's shoulder pad still has a set of claw marks slashed through it (was originally whole), and Ashe notices, immediately turning around as if to see if she missed an enemy.

There's also another dude or two still there, and idk what happens to them.

[cerealmonster15]

I LOVE SHIP BINGO!!!!!!!! Hold on obligatory jamiazurido and ALSO (spinning a wheel for randomized ships) riddle x ace,,, jamisil,, annnd cayvil 😌

YAAAAAAY PUTTING UNDER THE CUT BC BINGOS R BIG AND I LIKE TO YAP ALSO

[SEND ME SHIP BINGOS]

jamiazurido my beloved ive been thinking about them the past Several Days

im so close to bingo on these but fjkldshfl like i enjoy them equally as both a ship and also as friends lol I LOVE WHEN THEYRE IN SITUATIONS TOGETHER!!!! I THINK THEY SHOULD HOLD HANDS WHILE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER!! JAMIL AND RIDDLE SHOULD UNIONIZE AGAINST AZUL FOR FUN!!! i like them both in a comedy way but also in a more than comedy way but like comedy is my favorite thing so of course im going to fixate on how Funny They Are. and they are so so sososososososoooo funny forever AND PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING ON THEM FOR REAL!!!! it's wild like jamil/azul is decently popular and riddle/azul also is. but where is the polyship love. where is the riddle/jamil love. hello can anyone hear me. i had a vague idea for a fic for the three of them the other day but i gotta let the idea marinate longer so i can write something.... also i want to study these beasts under a microscope in general the ship really has nothing to do with it LOL

riddle/ace

yknow ive been exposed to this ship a lot more lately by proxy LOL and tbh i vibe with riddle x anyone in heartslabyul... theyre all Really Cute... anyway i cheated a lil with some of these also bc like i do have feelings about them but the boxes werent really conveying much of what i thought LOL like i think i like they more passively, like i DO enjoy them but i generally dont go out of my way looking for them. but i think theres a lot there w/how they interact with each other in the main story w/their character foiling or w/e.. theyre good for each other... plus i do go bonkers any time riddle refers to any of them as his card soldiers LOL that fits in the "aesthetic" spot for me..... queen of hearts and his loyal card soldiers wuwuwuwfhwehfhhs

OKAY SILVER/JAMIL:

next time i do need to check if a bingo card has more middle feeling spots LOL maybe i should make my own. but anyway theyre another one thats like, yeah i dont actively think about it that much but i HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT and like. i vibe with it. i dig it. i see the vision. ive considered it ive chewed on it jfsjflkshg whenever i think of them i always think of their interactions in the halloween 2 event lol. in my mind palace i think jamil would follow silver around trying to get more Mysterious Dad Lore and then falls in love w/silver accidentally in the process of trying to learn about said mysterious dad lol. plus i think they could bond over being sworn protector retainer types albeit for VERY different reasons. like a similarity but also an extreme difference in vibe. i think there could be something there tho, like it would make for a very interesting conversation if they got close enough to get open and vulnerable about it. maybe angsty even.

but also theyre FUNNYYYY hehehe

omg cayvil. i read that three times and my brain kept overwriting it as cayrook LOL FJDKSLFJSL thankfully i checked Again,,,,,,,,, anyway:

I REALLY LIKE CAYVIL. I think they were one of my first twst ships bc of vil's original non engtwst version of his R uniform card story. where cater like literally flirts w/vil bc he wants a pic of him for magicam lol. shore u could argue his interest with vil is surface level but i think the FUN of SHIPS and IMAGINATION is the ten billion ways you can interpret character behaviors and interactions.... and i think they could have a slow burn annoying classmates to friendship to romance type deal.... i like what they have lol of like sometimes vils like cater 😑but then other times theyre shown to get along decently well and they work well together in events LIKE IN BELOVED EVIL PUPPET LAND EVENT!!! i think they could be good for each other heehehehhe. ive never written a fic for them and i dont draw them as often as i draw other shippies but they ARE on my mind VERY OFTEN. a key component of the third years toxic polycule vortex of divorce situationship marriage whatever LOL JKLSDFJSKDLHG

okay anyway yay ty for ENABLING ME AS WELL!!!

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s6 ep26: Unimatrix Zero pt 1

More Borg stuff, but at least this time it has a very different premise from other Borg eps they've done.

In this one, Seven is contacted by Borg drones who manage to tap into her regeneration cycle via a hidden interlink, Unimatrix Zero, that allows certain drones to retain their individual consciousness during their regeneration cycles. They ask her for help in stopping the Borg queen from destroying their secret interlink, which they can't do themselves, since they retain no memories from it in their waking state.

We get a slightly unhinged but ultimately sweet scene in the beginning of the ep, where Janeway does another one of her 'you're in trouble' fake-outs before she does something nice for someone- Tom finally gets his lieutenent pip back, and it's long overdue. Dragging out a plot point from a lackluster episode almost two seasons back was way too long, with no real reason behind it. Now I can have an easier time pretending that 30 Days doesn't exist, finally! (Poor Harry being like 'hey where's my promotion' in the background though lol. Dude, chill for a minute and be happy for your bestie, he's only getting it because it was a stupid decision to take it away in the first place, no one on that ship is ever getting promoted lmao)

Back in Borg land, the Borg queen is very pissed off about her drones having fun, and she kills any drones she finds have been part of Unimatrix Zero. She then dismantles them to get to their cortical nodes to try to find a way to access Unimatrix Zero. They go full Halloween horror for the Borg scenes, with gross fake severed head props for them to dissect, but I think it's a little over the top tbh. The Borg are supposed to be soulless automatons, not, like, sexy vampires- they don't need to show the queen getting weirdly horny for dissecting disobedient drones. Having her enjoy her own sadism would work for any other villain, but for the Borg, it should be cold and emotionless, because that's why the Borg are scary.

Meanwhile, Seven finds that she was a part of the secret link herself, and meets a former friend of hers there, Axum, who tells her about her time there, which she has no conscious memory of. Seven is surprised and perturbed to learn that she and Axum had been a couple, but she pushes that aside to focus on finding a plan to save Unimatrix Zero. It appears to them as a tropical paradise environment, but soon their peace is broken by attacks from the queen, as she begins to send her own drones in to drag everyone there back to the hive mind.

Seven asks the Captain for help, and she agrees, since it's also a potential way to weaken the Borg if drones can escape the hive mind through Unimatrix Zero. Tuvok once again provides handy-dandy mind meld services so the Captain can see their little virtual reality for herself, where she speaks with the other free drones, and witnesses one of the Borg queen's little raids. We get an absolutely amazing badass Captain Janeway moment when the drones attack- she picks up a bat'leth, and just starts beating the shit of a drone until she sends it back out of the link. (Is it hot in here, or is it just Captain Janeway with a bat'leth? Lord have mercy!!)

But anyway, the queen was monitoring her drones, and she gets super pissed when she sees Janeway there, beating drones up. Honestly, despite not liking the Borg queen as a concept in general, it's kind of hilarious how jealous she is of Janeway. It has the vibe of the high school mean girl hating the weird girl who doesn't care what a big deal she is- I can literally picture the Borg Queen, a la Regina George, getting out her little Borg Burn Book after this incident, and writing about how Captain Janeway is a fugly slut that no one should trust!!! (Maybe they should have tried channeling the Borg Queen's agression into field hockey too- they could have brought down the collective without needing to implement their insane plan later in the episode lol)

So they figure out that the only way to save Unimatrix Zero and help the people there remember their experiences while awake, so they can fight the Borg from within, is to get directly into the heart of a Borg ship and access it's core processor to download a virus into it. Since the Unimatrix Zero denizens can't do it themselves, Voyager has to. Janeway decides to take the Delta Flyer in herself, but Chaktotay convinces her to let Tuvok and B'Elanna come along to help.

In yet another example of the Voyager writers being deranged for not acknowledging J/C as a thing, they proceed to give Janeway and Chakotay a longer, more romantic, and more public farewell scene than they give Tom and B'Elanna, who are actually canonically a couple. Tom and B'Elanna get one brief and very understated private exchange where they only indirectly acknowledge how worried they are and how much they love each other (I feel like they should've at least kissed for goodness sake), but meanwhile, Janeway and Chakotay get this huge public display in the middle of the freaking bridge. They literally sit there on the verge of tears, holding hands, and staring into each other's eyes, for a not small amount of time, in front of the entire crew! Just out in the open! Like, what??? How can you pretend that's not romantic couple stuff?! The entire crew would think they got together when they're acting like this, that is not normal captain and first officer behavior! Like, Picard and Riker never held hands and stared into each other's eyes, on the bridge, no matter how dangerous the mission was! Jfc it's completely bananas how shippy they write them! And yet they insist they're not a couple! Insane.

Also, this is that one ep where they clearly had a different plan for how they'd end the cliffhanger from what they eventually did, because they have the Borg queen talking to Voyager and being like 'we'll see you soon Harry' and Harry's like 'wtf did she mean by that??' and they never actually did anything with it! It's the most weird random line! It's honestly baffling to me that they didn't write the cliffhanger episodes at the same time, that seems completely insane to just put out a whole ass episode before you've settled on how the second half of the story will end. But honestly, that explains a lot about why the quality was so variable and the throughlines didn't always carry from one half to another with Trek cliffhangers.

So anyway, they go to the cube, and Voyager attacks it to distract the Borg while the Flyer sneaks in. The Borg Queen sees the Flyer and blows it up just as the away team beams in, but they get caught before they can reach the core, and they all get assimilated, which is where the cliffhanger leaves off.

It's a very tense, scary ending to the ep, and even though I know how it ends, I was still biting my nails rewatching it, so I think they did a really good job. (Though even on first viewing, when I didn't know how the story ended, I knew they'd find a way to rescue them, somehow. There was no way they were going to write out three main characters in the last season, so wondering how they'd rescue them was the big question we waited all summer to see the answer to.)

I'm a little sad that this is Voyager's last cliffhanger though, since it means I'm nearing the end of my rewatch. Only one more season to go! I'm really going to miss my Voyager space fam! For all the show's ups and downs, I still love these characters, and this ship, and I don't want to say goodbye to them again now, any more than I did then. But at least now I know that Star Trek will continue after Voyager, which we didn't know back then, so that makes it a little less sad this time around. Onward and upward to season seven!

Tl;dr: An unusual but interesting Borg plot that does an excellent job of building tension and high stakes and keeping you on the edge of your seat. One hell of a cliffhanger to close the penultimate season on.

[darkhorse-javert]

'News to the Desert'

Introducing Simon 'Sim' Stewart, and to some extent his father Benjamin Stewart (who has made a prior apperance in my writing). Respectively they're Sam's Cousion and Uncle. @blind-dates-fest

North African Desert 1942

A towselled head pops out of the canvas back of the lorry, grins at him, offering a thick bundle in oilskin, “Post has come in, Sir.”

“Righto, Sergeant” He takes the offered bundle, turns to the thick group of his men, cramped together behind him in the path of their camp. They're standing steady, but they're concentrated on the letters in his arms. He pulls them out of the packet, turns up the first one

“Tods, J.” One man presses forwards, takes a bunch of letters wrapped together

“Smith, A J,

“Sergeant Todd..”

It carries on

At last, only one packet is left, a thin one, perhaps only two letters.or a thick one. He pulls off the cover. Two it is, numbered as is the family want.

He pulls out the first, father's familiar handwriting rolling across the thin page, and shimmering through from the other side.

Dear Sim,

We hope you are well out there and in good spirits. We two are quite well here at home, and you probably have heard more of Edwin than we have here, his last letter spoke of being ‘well but dusty’. But then, we suppose, sending post from where we guess you are is not the easiest undertaking.

Things have been very peaceful here, the church choir is carrying on very well, in spite of everything. I confess to being selfishly glad when James Robbins failed his call-up medical a few weeks ago - on account of the rheumatic fever he had as a baby - at least for now we may retain one reliable baritone voice, especially as we lost many of the younger Altos last year. But those are minor matters, and highly selfish in motivation to boot. Services are still well attended here.

‘The two scamps’ send you their luck and good wishes (if we’re being literal, they ask that you “get lots of Nazi’s” - bloodthirsty young pair, I and your mother only ask that you stay safe).

The wider family all report they are well, your Uncle Iain and Aunt Margaret have had no close shaves, despite being on the South Coast. 

By far the grandest item of news from the family is that Samatha is to be married, on 6th November. Her husband-to-be is an RAF fighter pilot, and also the son of the Detective Inspector she has been driving since she was attached to the Police.

He pauses, quietly re-reads the sentences for a moment, then continues the letter.

You may find this news to come out of the blue, but cannot be as surprised as your Uncle Iain was.  If I am reading his letter correctly,  the first he heard of the young gentleman was when a letter from the young man arrived asking for consent to the marriage. It has later emerged that Samantha has been walking out with him, his duties permitting, since the autumn of 1940. And for not one of us to any the wiser to it in the intervening time. 

He smiles at the letter, 

Oh, well played, Sammy, well done indeed. We always think of you as our ‘little cousin’, myself included in that regard. But - he lets his mind drift back to that last pre-war Summer - you were quite grown up back then, the Lady of the Vicarage with Aunt Margaret’s health as it was, joining the forces won’t have hindered that, probably helped. You’re not a girl in plaits anymore, to be trotted out in Sunday Best. Another memory; ginger plaits and a freckled face as he looked down through gaps in tree branches, to see a much younger Sammy determinedly climbing after him 

His father’s pen has paused, and then continued with blacker ink; You may perhaps be able to imagine your Uncle Iain’s reaction to all of this, Sim. 

Chuckles tickle his throat and wobble his shoulders at that. Dear Uncle Iain, as pastorally and kindly minded as he is, will have been roundly knocked for six by the apparently sudden news, and knocked again when Samantha’s ‘deception’ came to light. He almost feels sorry for his youngest uncle, what little of him isn’t childishly egging Sam on in her little flash of independence, perhaps even defiance 

That said his father’s letter continues, Iain has been a little mollified since actually meeting the young man (Andrew by name) in person. He reports he is a very decent and well-mannered young man, who clearly cares deeply for Samantha. I would also add, and your mother reckons similarly, that the depth of feeling is mutual between them, given she has been keeping Andrew so quiet- and away from ‘familial interference’. We await further news as to the location of the wedding and other particulars. We’re planning to get together a hamper here, as a present. If you get this before early November, send a telegram down to Hastings for congratulations would you?

With our prayers for your safety and health, do write when you can

And much love

Your Father and Mother

Simon consults the date on the letter, mid-October. And right now it’s 3rd November. 

He pauses, At least I think it is 

This poor letter has been wandering across the desert at snails pace -or to be more charitable at Post pace, while they’ve been moving at speed after Rommel’s boys. There might be time to get a telegram in before the wedding, if the telegram operators are nearby, and there isn’t anything of greater priority to go down the line. If not, it will have to go by post as a letter, and then be telegramed,but worth a try at least.

[guardian-rocket]

Who are your top 10 favorite muns to write with and why? If a mun is a multimuse also tell which are your favorite characters to write with and why?

(The order in which you list the people doesn't matter unless you want to assign them specific places.)

Question Master

Top 10, here we go... @antvnger Puppy-Mun is the first I am putting on this list first because of all the threads and ideas I've ever had on here the thread I've been doing with them (Space Heist) is the largest single run I've had so far. We actually had an entire 4 part mission and went to Knowhere. I feel like Rocket and Scott made some real progress in becoming friends and I love that. Every post they make is gold. They're nice to their anons and I generally enjoy interacting with them OOC and hijacking their random posts. They're also genuinely funny, which I feel is very important for someone portraying Scott. I already loved Ant-Man but Puppy-Mun makes me adore him even more! They also often tag me and I love that 💕

@byondtheveil Rei-Mun (Birb-Queen) is #1 OC in Rocket's world and my Rocket muse simply adores her. I always look forward to reading her replies and she's a great person to talk to and shoot the breeze OOC. We both love thrifting IRL so it's fun to just spam her DMs about my latest finds. Her character Rei is literally one of the most endearing original characters I've ever come across. She's well thought out and has connected with Rocket in a way most muses can't do. With her I have been able to explore Rocket's comfortability just popping on and off Earth and get some much deserved down time. @papetoonfox Papetoonfox was a RP partner I had many years ago. We haven't interacted much on tumblr but we got a RP going on Discord that I am fully engrossed in. Our conversations OOC often puts me in stitches and we have so much common interest it's so easy to just get lost in our own little nostalgic world of Y2K aesthetics and retrowave vibes. They're also very encouraging with me about my art and they produce some of the coolest music I've heard from anyone I know. I love their portrayal of Fox and so does my muse.

@stripesofbrooklyn They were one of the first to interact with me OOC when I started getting more active again and I feel we check in on eachother both ways pretty regularly I am confident to call them a friend. Our muses have great chemistry together and Rocket always loves hearing from them no matter what strange shenanigan they might be getting into. Rocket fully admires and trusts their Steve and is someone Rocket would go out of his way for.

@spidermanxnoir / @jeff-the-gnome-king First they get super points just for playing my favorite version of Spider-Man (Noir) and our thread which started off without any plotting has turned into one of the most epic adventures my Rocket has ever had. I think Rocket's gotten pretty attached to him as they've gone along and genuinely think he's cool. Looking forward to them retaining an ongoing friendship. Being able to tie or franchises together has been a ton of fun and I think we write beautifully together. Also they're super chill OOC and I love bugging them with my latest ideas. @the-mjolnir-owner This Thor is one of my best friends on Tumblr. They are often sending me posts in my DMs to see about Rocket and Thor and I just love their characterization. We also have a lot of fun discussions about Thor and the Guardians and I feel they capture Thor very well in their writing. Just in general they're an absolute joy.

@butwithmoreme I know our thread is fairly new/short but I literally hear Tony's voice in their writing, it's so damn good. As Rocket's mun I will hold a special place in my heart for anyone who doesn't just write him off for being a little shit. The fact they're being science bros together makes me so happy. @spideymn A big stand-out as a great writer. Sounding repetitive here, but I hear Tom Holland in their dialog and they feel very in character. A shining standout, and my muse likes him because he's a helpful kiddo. Happy to see them interacting together. @beatfreesmysoul They're my #1 music buddy right now, and I enjoy dropping into their DMs to be annoying lol. It's so great to have someone here to talk tunes with because I genuinely am a big music nerd. I love that they send me memes/tag me for that stuff too. As a Rocket RPer I often feel a bit sidelined so they make me feel included on things which I super appreciate. Our thread taking place earlier in the storyline is great too, kinda fun to undo all my muse's character development and let him have 'issues' he needs to work through and I love that we can explore or character's developing friendship.

@gctbusydying I am pretty sure they're my first Kitty Pryde and honestly, worth the wait. Interacting with them feels like we're jumping right out of the comics. I think that Kitty is canonly one of Rocket's favorite ladies and their friendship is important to me. I know I MOSTLY adhere to MCU canon but I've read the comics too (albeit a long time ago) but when it comes to Kitty I'm like -slams fist on desk- FRIENDS. I know we haven't had a TON of interaction but I hope it keeps going.

[chthonicgodling]

For those qs: Hypnos 2, 14 and 18!

thanks!!! this got craaazy long cause of course it did so. bbbeeehind the cut I go-

[send me a question from here with an OC from here!]

2- Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind? 

the world Known Now as the Elysium’verse began with me messing around one million years ago specifically Maci, Seph, and Meli - then Fenixe and I met, Tory got involved, and SPIRAL. but Hypnos was actually floating around in that weird pre-Elysium era to then transition into a cameo character in the early days! (Actually Fenixe and I used to pass him back and forth before I retained custody fgkfkf). However… Hypnos was made AFTER Thanatos. oops! they were a set pair from the get-go but Hypnos came about cause like, well I couldn’t have one without the other—

so yes, his entiiiire design was born solely from selecting opposite details from his twin brother - the opposite color scheme, softe hair, angel wings. everything about Hypnos - tragically terribly - has revolved around thanatos forever….. even his character design rippp

14- If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

I love this question bc as we know the Elysium’verse is RP based and so this is like my constant notes to self while cycling through characters esp when a pile of ALL MINE end up talking to each other. Hypnos, despite his important history with Maci, IS in canon mostly appearing still as side cameo character or often used for brief plot Purposes (can zap anyone to sleep)/ for comic relief (can barely get through a sentence without falling asleep). yet in the back of MY head his two defining core features anytime I’m writing him is:

number one! that Hypnos has spent more time than literally anyone else with Thanatos breathing down his neck. for thousands and thousands of years. since BIRTH. they’re TWINS. even after Than was “stopped” in the Maci Days - he just receded to Hypnos’s side like up until Thanatos was arrested WHEN NEO WAS BORN A MERE SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO, Thanatos was harassing Hypnos! Luckily for him, Hypnos is married to the goddess of anti-anxiety and like. has coped healthily with her help and guidance all things considered but it’s his defining trait for sure. Hypnos is skittish and meek and prone to cowering - this was the way to Survive his brother and because of this it’s his defining and core personality trait. (how is he more functional than Maci is literaly tho lmao)

number two, though- is that Hypnos is NICE. He’s very deliberately purposely nice, again because he grew up with Thanatos, usually literaly at his side while Thanatos bullied his way through the underworld for years and years. And there went Hypnos slinking behind him apologizing quietly and trying to pick up any pieces he could (while being too afraid to confront him - but if he could make up for Than’s intense cruelty and general… asshole personally by counteracting with niceness then!! maybe that helps!!) hypnos’s single act of wrath was secretly cursing Chal with eternal insomnia out of sheer desperation (thanatos kept hurting icy what was he supposed to do!!) and even before he knew Chal was able to be redeemed he felt guilty about it every day. But Hypnos is an opposite balance to Thanatos AND to Maci, his best friend! he’s a foil! HES A FOIL!! Calm and nice with the respective most explosive and the meanest gods spending the most time at his side dfkfkfkf

18- What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC? 

idk the last time Hypnos appeared or did anything in canon lol I think back when Chal got knocked up with N and was hysterical constantly Hypnos got called to put her to sleep a few times?? )you see this is his primary role lmao). BUUUT

Hypnos’ “newest” developments came during the dionysus adventures last year since deciding that Di was Pasi’s father meant, retroactively, that Hypnos and him surely had to have to interacted. WE ALLLL SAW THAT COMIC

So this led to the revelation that Hypnos is absolutely AND TO THIS DAY completely terrified of his father in law. Does Di realize this!! I think it’s actually infinitely funnier if he has no idea but realistically he probably knows - everyone SHOULD be afraid of him, of course, cheers ;) ok no but really Di reminds him of a more unhinged thanatos which. is. aahhhhh. AAAAAAHHHHH. AAAAAAAA—

the end sorry I wrote soo Much lmao!! if u made it t the end yayay ily

[gtzgoblin]

I think I've been converted to Clara-fan.

I don't really remember liking her on the first go because I found her obnoxious and annoying and you know what? I still think she is, but I don't mind it at all? Her chemistry with 11 is great and I love it when companions get comfortable enough with the Doctor to just call him/her out on their shit. I think the whole born to save the Doctor thing is a bit much (actually, I kinda wish she died in every single episode and he just kept finding a new one? That would have been a move). I particularly like that she retains a normal life around him - she has him pick her up on Wednesday's and goes about her own thing the rest of the time (in time travel sense that means nothing don't get me wrong but go you, Clara).

She does have her flaws and I'm not denying that but honestly I think that's poor writing and don't want to blame the character or the actor for that. I'll see whether Capaldi's run changes my mind about her (I don't think it will though coz I watched it when I was on mat leave and didn't hate her) because she's weird with him for a good chunk of time (understandable) but yeah. Reformed Clara fan. Born-again.

Just finished the day of the doctor and it was a great episode. What an introduction for Capaldi? No holding out for a big burst of light just whoosh, eyebrows. John Hurt was brilliant and Clara's big watery eyes aside I think the chance of redemption is always a good thing for someone so self-sabotaging as the Doctor (how many children?😭) as well as a good way to highlight 10 and 11s character flaws in a way. Equally, I don't think it's ever good news to bring back Gallifrey, they're all awful, but I was less impressed by the plot than the Doctor's chemistry with himself and the general hijinks. For a special episode it definitely was worth the hype. I remember the hype at the time and had little happy butterflies because of it.

Also also, I'm getting my Gallifreyan tattoo next week and I am SO excited for it. It'll be a good send off for 11 who I've been literally obsessed with since the first episode and will be sobbing my heart out when I manage to convince myself to watch his regen-ep. 11s run is definitely my favourite so far.

Send me luck and good vibes for the finale 😭. It's gonna be emotional!

[lemonberyy]

while im here actually. art dump

bloodswap human Calliope, one with makeup and one without. because i CAN suckers. isn't she silly? And a little ominous? A touch murder-y?

this one is her cherubic design! i put a lot of thought into the references i can make with her outfit. Namely though, I wanted to kind of make it look like a complete mish-mash of several inspirations from LE, haute couture, alt callie, and a few other bloodswap designs I'm familiar with. She's the LADY OF SPACE! Referred to as Her Grace of Space. The Goddess of Vast Light. She isn't exactly going to be subdued in her look. She wants everyone to look upon her with immediate recognition, and following it will be fear.

This one I JUST finished. Like last night at eleven pm just finished. Rendering my beloathed... This is inspired by song lyrics from Circle With Me by Spiritbox and Cyberhex by Motionless In White. I really like the idea of the imagery of Callie consuming the Green Sun. It's striking!

this is calamity in fantasystuck. she in fact compl abhors this dress . No cheek nonsense because TECHNICALLY she's dragonborn but i cannot draw dragons. I have one setting. It's cherubim.

this one is from a post canon au. i have a bazillion words as to how caliborn is on earth c it's all headcanon but it's all good and silly and he is Short and she is Tall (i also have a bazillion words for why Callie is able to start maturing properly post canon)

you know what, past me? this is my post! im gonna put all two-bazillion words on here actually. what am i thinking hehe? my post is a place for my words. silly joan!

So, for why Caliborn is on Earth-C. I honestly had fun rationalising this one!

For one, Caliborn is very, very cold. Another thing is that- I don't think cherubim were meant to go into black holes. I'm pretty sure that, while yes they mate near them, I don't think they fall in. It's something I feel is just something that doesn't happen. So cal being trapped within one is notable. But, we aren't talking about Caliborn being trapped! We're talking about him getting out.

Honestly if he were to tell it, he'd say he "FOUGHT TO GET OUT." or something. But the truth is he fractures,* his young body is rejected and he falls out. He retains only the passive effects of his godtier, like an understanding of timelines and being able to traverse them. But he has no control in this state.

*What do I mean by this? I basically think that he and le are seperate entities. In a lot of ways they literally are! Le is a combination of several souls and abilities and powers. He kinda reminds me of how the Condesce can learn all caste abilities. Caliborn has the abilities and knowledge of several godtiers including his own complete mastery of time. So, when Caliborn falls out and onto Earth-C, it's just a fraction of his soul and body. He's young again because it's a portion of his (falsely) mature body and he's very weak because it's only a portion of his soul. The rest is in the black hole. And due to some fuckery, he can feel it too. It's cold. He's constantly dizzy and disoriented. He is especially unnerved by this because cherubim are... this incredible species. He feels sick without context for what illness feels like. It's a pretty terrible experience for him but he's at least well enough to still be terrible to everyone.

Now for Callie. Honestly this is one is more simple. Her life ring fills her body with the very force of life! She may not have predominated, but she is full to bursting of more than enough energy for her body to age correctly. She can grow wings, become much taller, and toned. She doesn't really understand it yet but she really likes walks and runs because it's her body telling her to exercise and maintain her muscle mass.

alt callie...... 🥰 that's all send tweet

this is a magical girl au. one with her soul gem and one without. i have a bazillion words on all the symbolism here actually. For one I made her wish to be beautiful, which is why her face and everything is very Pretty and Sculpted and Lovely. Secondly though. Her soul gem, the space symbol in her birthmark, is a whole thing. She thinks her birth mark is a blemish on her looks, and seeing it not only A) remain after her wish and B) be her weakest point in a battle felt kinda like a slap in the face. (However it couldn't be erased because she Does like it. She just doesn't quite realise that). ALSO the space-looking symbol behind her? It's not Space! It's void, but she's FILLING IN THE SPACE... it's also Roxy's pink! They r soon to be dating... fills the void in her heart? Eh? Eeh?

anyways. uhhh homestuck cherubim are ok i guess

[romantic-reveries]

Today was fucking insane.

I’m not quite a month into work yet (two days out), and a manager was there training me in sales Saturday and today.

Then today, my boss just decided to throw me in the deep end. The manager, Rick, had set me up to key in a fake sale (which we also did Saturday), to help me get more comfortable and familiar. I literally didn’t even have time to start it when he strolls over and says, “okay, you’re up,” and gestures to some customers who just came in.

Fear floods me and I gape. “You’re joking,” because he has joked with me like that. “Nope,” He tells me. He says my boss thinks I’m ready. Boss says “what better way to learn than by just doing it?”

And so I greet a middle-aged man, woman and younger girl. They’re immediately lovely. The interpersonal stuff isn’t so much an issue. They seem to know exactly what they want.

And I’m so flustered and frantic that I keep messing up on pricing, and forgetting things. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve retained some things, sure, but for the most part, I feel like I’m flying blind. There’s so much to remember. So many details.

You have to talk to them and find out what they’re looking for, okay, easy enough. Then price it. And you gotta go into different price books or programs for prices and use pricing metrics to find the retail price and then discount it based on the price which I STILL don’t know how to do, and then close the sale while also trying to add onto it, then key in the sale and figure out whether the items are in stock or if you have to back order and also talk about warranty (which I don’t know much about, price wise) and calculate delivery price which (AGAIN) I still don’t know how to do, and print the invoice and remember info about the customer and remember to follow up with them and send a thank you card and just AHHHHHHH FUCK.

And like, I think I could be good at this, truly. But it’s also SO fucking overwhelming and I feel so ill-equipped. Like selling a bedroom suit today—I don’t know how to tell the difference between sizes in our SKU numbers. Rick was supposed to go over it with me but we didn’t have time. And then he isn’t coming back for more training with me, which is wild. They’ve trained me for two days and said “good luck”? And my coworkers will still be there to help, but that’s not the point.

I made the sale, and the people were really lovely. The fianceé and her daughter had left while the man was negotiating (haggling) and they literally came back in when it was all said and done to hug me. They were so incredibly sweet.

And Rick and my boss and my coworker were all praising me and saying how I just had it, and I’m natural at it, and I guess to an extent—I like people. I’m naturally friendly and warm and curious. I care. I’m not a bullshitter. But the technical bits are so new still, and throwing me in it like that was so nervewracking hahaha

But also, I did make a sale. Even if Rick helped me through a lot of it. And I make commission on that. And my base pay will also probably bump up now. I can do this. I think I can really excel at this. I just can’t let myself get too stressed and psyched.

But I hate it, because I’m already dreading going back to work. I don’t want to do that again. Hahaha I hate that it’s a learning curve. I wish I could transport to six or eight months from now and already be mostly confident and comfortable at this.

I don’t know how they were all saying I was doing so well. I felt like a train wreck. Sure, maybe I was talking to people well. Talking to people is easy, mostly. It’s not hard to be nice and friendly and helpful. It’s all the other stuff I’m struggling with, and selling involves more than just being nice and friendly and helpful. I’m not sure what they’re seeing that I’m not.

Maybe I’m just exhausted. It was a long day.

[mildew-mop]

#i hope its not weird but it was very interesting learning about your sight#i have to wear glasses#and sometimes i see spots and stuff and its annoying#those fake fix classes bullshit are such bullshit#i remember a while ago my grandma tried explaining to me that i needed to want to be able to see properly to not need glasses#i can barely make out anything more than 3 feet away from me#thats not on purpose#my grandma literally told me to eat more carrots so i didn't have to wear glasses#i cant#ableism Not weird at all! I'm glad it was interesting to read! I always say that joke from that one old contacts commercial "I have special eyes." lol my retired optometrist lOVED when i came in because my eyes are def a unique case and he told me based on my history of prescription lenses, I can detect quarter axis changes in my astigmatism. most people dont detect it usually unless it has changed at least half, if not all the way on the axis. so the fact i notice quarter changes meant that I had to get prescriptions every 6 months, but since then it seems my eyes have slowed down and i am able to retain my glasses for a year before needing new ones. I am actually due for new glasses bc my left lens' coating got messed up so there's like, splotches on the lens but i can barely see out of that eye anyway! so it hasnt been a pressing issue. i have heard the carrot thing as well many times. And YEAH SEE like some people truly believe that you have to make the decision to see, or like your grandmother, you have to WANT to see. and they will tell you even if you say youve tried everything, these coaches will basically gaslight you into thinking you just aren't trying hard enough, even if you are trying your best.

it just isnt possible lmfao I hope one of these Dumb asses actually has a vision problem one day, i wouldn't wish blindness on anyone but when their eyes start to deteriorate due to aging and suddenly they need reading glasses, what are they going to do, say no? Say that they have the willpower to see? If so, the migraines are on their part and no one else's. God forbid one of these idiots has a kid one day who needs glasses but they refuse to get them glasses because they want to try to take some sort of holistic approach to vision??? tell their own child they just have to believe to see. And force them to go through a lifetime of never having their vision checked. What if one of these people has a totally blind kid? you gonna tell them they just need to believe to see, do you know how heart wrenching it is to think that it could be that easy LOL because my eyes have had the max amount of physical surgery on my eyes and I am still half blind. The only case I have ever heard of where someone miraculously gained sight was someone who was blind due to psychosomatic reasons, but once the trauma was dealt with, they had vision again. but even in that case, if you are psychosomatically blind or deaf (hell you can be psychosomatically diabetic) it is just as real as actually being blind or deaf and cannot be controlled. Diabetic alters will actually be diabetic and may need to take insulin to maintain the body's health when other alters do not have the diabetes.

(the truth is in that case, the body is diabetic but it is psychosomatically sectioned to one alter who has to take care of it.) It only goes away if it is being caused by a particular part, or parts who work their stuff out and stop sending out psychosomatic stressors. Even then, it may not improve. Belief and willpower have absolutely NOTHING to do with the eyes and i wish these people to step off of a cliff. ... into something soft but like still.

There's a lot of people who probably shouldn't be parents.

[acklesology]

I will preface this with I love my child with every fiber of my being, but I will not under any circumstance be pregnant ever again. If I could deal with the stress and anxiety with convincing an OB to sterilize me, I would be.

From the jump my body was not meant to be pregnant -- or at least it very much felt that way. Morning sickness is named that way because “””usually””” you’re sick/nauseous in the morning, but not me. Everything that went in my mouth for the first 4 months was going to come back up. Eventually the only thing I could consume was the Outshine strawberry popsicles. I was OK for a few months before returning to the popsicles for the last two months.

If the hyperemesis wasn’t stopping me from working and sending me on bedrest the round ligament pain was making me wish I couldn’t walk. I retained so much water when I was pregnant because of my diet issues the L&D nurse told me I had enough fluid in me for a whole second child.

On top of all that my stupid cervix was pointed in the wrong direction due to my lordosis. My OB (god bless him, he was literally THE BEST) straight up told me I was not going to have a natural birth. Even with a planned c-section I lost two units of blood and needed a transfusion after surgery. So out of the three days in the hospital I don’t even remember the first day because of my blood loss and exhaustion from major surgery. 

Oh, and the whole mental load that was created not only from my medical issues, but from living in a foreign country at the time! ah, that was so much fun. :\

I wish anyone who dares to tell me “every pregnancy is different” a very get fucked.

the thing is like. i get that it's scary and makes people who do desire to get pregnant uncomfortable when we talk about the brutality and violence of pregnancy and the damage that pregnancy can do to your body

but you deserve to give informed consent to that process.

the lies around pregnancy - that it's inherently safe, that it doesn't do you permanent damage, that it's only extremely rare for people to die of pregnancy complications, etc like

all of these are lies constructed so that more people will get pregnant w/o knowing all that

there needs to be more talk about the impact of miscarriages and how common they are, how different abortion processes are and how accessible they are

but also like. talking about how pregnancy fucks your body up should not be taboo

this is a process that permanently changes most people's bodies, and that's even if the pregnancy doesn't do them like. severe illness or injury

and i just think everybody should have a right to KNOW that

bc to live in a society that intentionally obscures and hides facts about a completely optional and dangerous process does so for a reason, and that reason is based in a very sinister ideology that does not value bodily autonomy or informed consent

[chargetheintruder]

Fair warning: I'm ill, tired and things look bleak.

Okay, so here's the short version of it: I'm sick, been sick for months and nobody at the local Emergency Ward wants to look where the pain actually is (colon, bladder and kidneys), they just want to rant at me when I have a panic over this mess (and never knowing what's really wrong with me) as the pain spreads and gets nasty, repeatedly.

Yeah, it gets more detailed below the break, but in general the idea is that the bastards are like "Life-Threatening shit ONLY damn it, go home and suffer there!" so I really can't use 9-1-1 on my own until I am literally near death.

No really, the closest rational explanation I've gotten from them is that I've had near-perpetual Urinary retention and urinary tract infections since I first got the first catheter in February this year, and that this comes with me passing more kidney stones now since I don't retain anything anymore. That's it . . . but their recent blood work can't find any of their typical infections. I do have a month's worth of antibiotics anyway and I've been working through them, but not much has budged.

For the past 2, going on 3 weeks, it's been intense bladder pain in the mornings (from the thing being over-active whenever I sleep, and only when I sleep), followed by constant pain in my colon and left kidney area all day into the night. Half the time I can't walk on my own until I get some pain relief in me--I use a cheap walker to get around my own apartment. I really don't have any strength or endurance left in me. Nausea and weakness are regular issues.

Using the telephone to try to get help is a problem because when I call people they're constantly demanding I SPEAK UP AND YELL AT THEM which is draining. And screw my own privacy in my apartment I guess. I don't know why my phone line is like this, particularly when I am attempting an important phone call involving sensitive info I DON'T want my evil neighbors or the evil landlords (the local Public Housing Authority) to know.

But yeah, the pain keeps getting worse, and I'm trapped in this building. I don't have a car, can't drive one anyway (no license), don't sprout the wings needed to fly across town to make it to doctor's appointments, and in general I am trapped in this building thanks to what should have been temporary nerve pain and weakness in my left leg from February. The pain in my left leg and torso gets worse, I'm more and more drained each morning . . . and I don't know how much longer I have left of life, before the infection takes me, or before I lose it from the bullshit I have to deal with from this building.

What little I do know is this: if a urinary tract infection goes on too damned long it becomes kidney disease. I could die of kidney failure and the local ER would swear up and down and sideways that "we didn't see it coming" (they didn't look for it?) and that I "never have anything life-threatening going on". Then again I could get shot by someone else's gun too, and those people would tell me "well, it's only a .22 caliber, it's small, it didn't blow your brains out, and well, it's not life-threatening, so well, we're injecting you with IV antibiotics and Voltaren, putting a bandage on it and well, sending you home in an hour, good luck!" (/Reagan, irony much) And seriously, they would.

And yes, I have tried to talk with a social worker about my issues with this building. She lasted all of 2 weeks (and one of them was the week of my birthday, and didn't count). She went on healthcare leave and won't be back until December of this year. Forcing me to start over a second time with a third new person. (the first one was a Quality Surveyor, a.k.a. an admin person who wanted to know what the hell was going on . . . at least until I told her, of course) And then there's the healthcare "provider" working alongside Medicaid in my state . . . and making damned sure I can't ever get a ride to any of my appointments. No really, do I call it in 2 days in advance, or is it 3, or is it a whole WEEK because you're that incompetent and can't even handle pronouncing "Carle" (hint: the E is SILENT, a common feature in Standard American English, whatever that is) never mind working with it in terms of scheduling rides to the place. Damned thing is a fraud, I swear. I can't be the only one who can NEVER get their transportation assistance system to work, ever.

Point is: I am severely tired. I can't even use the toilet in my own apartment because if I actually DO poop? The vile, smoking neighbor next door will go off any time, day or night, light up a cigar and smoke up all of his apartment and half of mine too. And the same guy? Dragged in a leather sofa from off the street at the beginning of this summer, and yeah, he infested all of his apartment and half of mine too with bedbugs. I told the damned landlord about this BACK IN JUNE and nobody did a damned thing. Pest Control could have been here three times already to take care of this?

They had to wait until tomorrow. Of course. They'll be here at the crack of dawn tomorrow pounding on doors and demanding access, of course. I have to deal with my bed being torn up and everything sprayed and my not having use of my apartment for half a day over this . . . probably repeatedly for the next four to five weeks, every Friday now? Yeah.

And this is with all of the health issues. My life is ruined and falling apart already. But nah, I have to fuck around with this too while I might fall over and die any time. Lovely, right? (/s) (sarcasm, not sepsis)

I am tired, I am physically ill and about to lose my mind. I'm alone in this world, surrounded by enemies (I've slowly lost my friends, half due to this building, half from the pandemic years). This is where I would tell you that I'm sorry I failed you, but in truth.

My body's failing me, and I've failed myself I guess. From not seeing into the future and somehow knowing that these neighbors would be the worst and that this building would be the worst.