#Listened to too much mitski and I made myself sad again

[transgender-catboy]

The pretty boy with puppy dog eyes

[polite-pandemonium]

[LISTEN] -  always an angel, never a god - a Shoko Ieiri playlist that very much is meant to represent her post chapter 236. Sad tunes by female musicians. Also - female rage. Gege doesn't seem to want to show us her feelings, so I will do it through song! All songs are Shoko centric, but some definitely could be directed towards either Satoru or Suguru or both!!!!! I tried to have this sort of follow a narrative that takes place pre, during, and post the Shinjuku Showdown arc, while making sure the music still flowed. IDK, I took this very seriously lol. Tracklist: 1. I don't like my mind - mitski 2. in hell - japanese breakfast 3. final girl - chvrches 4. days of oblivion - metric 5. not strong enough - boy genius 6. doomsday - lizzie mcapline 7. both all the time - faye webster 8. you always get what you want - the japanese house 9. when was that? - angus and julia stone 10. only the strong - laura marling 11. girls against god - florence + the machine specific lyrics for each song under the cut!

I don't like my mind | mitski I blast music loud and I work myself to the bone and on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake a whole cake all for me and then I get sick and throw up and there's another memory that gets stuck inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk and it may be a few years but you can bet it's there waiting still for me to be left alone in a room with the things that I've done a whole cake so please don't take take this job from me

in hell | japanese breakfast with my luck, you'll be dead within the year I've come to expect it there's nothing left to fear, at least there's that and under the fluorescence, another sterile room where no one ever tells you just how clinical death looks and I can't unsee it the two shots it took hell is finding someone to love and I can't have you hell is finding someone to love and I can't see you again

final girl | chvrches swallowing the seeds of sin we sewed into the ground keeping secrets until everything became a bit too loud I would wash it down, I could drown it out by filling up the silence with an organ sound and by writing sentences I used to think were quite profound and it feels like the weight is too much to carry I should quit maybe go get married only time will tell in the final cut in the final scene there's a final girl does she look like me?

days of oblivion | metric all the times that now and then appear as only dreams all the stuff from way back when that's coming up don't self destruct you don't have to call for the wrecking ball or burn the world to ashes all you have to do is ask me to I'll stop you where the descending stairs drop I've unlocked all the doors and I've lost all the keys and I live in a mansion made up from memories I know I need you don't ever leave me I'll never leave you behind I know you need me the way I need you I'll never leave you don't ever leave me behind not strong enough | boy genius do you see us getting scraped up off the pavement? I don't know why I am the way I am not strong enough to be your man I lied - I am just lowering your expectations half a mind that keeps the other second guessing close my eyes and count always an angel, never a god I don't know why I am the way I am there's something in the static I think I've been having revelations coming to in the front seat, nearly empty skip the exit to our old street and go home go home alone doomsday | lizzie mcalpine doomsday is close at hand I'll book the marching band to play as you speak I'll feel like throwing up you'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine I'd like to plan out my part in this but you're such a narcissist that you did it on Halloween I had no choice in the matter why would I? it's only the death of me both all the time | faye webster will I stop crying for once? it's hurting my eyes there's a difference between lonely and lonesome but I'm both all the time I'm loneliest at night after my shower beer and I'll go to sleep without turning out the lights pretend like somebody's here you always get what you want | the japanese house and you've left now but it's better that I know you're gone and I breathe out dizzy from the last hour of holding on and does he do right by you? and does he work so hard? I know you'll miss me, but you'll call me back you always get what you want when was that? | angus and julia stone I wonder if you can hear me wonder if you can feel my heart beating now I wonder if things will be okay wonder if things will keep changing will I fall down? take me back to when things were easier take me back to a place where I belong take me back to a place that feels like home when was that? only the strong | laura marling we've been here a thousand times wish I could go back and find letters I wrote you in my mind perhaps I could unknot us from this awful bind hope that you can change my mind had to leave this crying all behind I hope that you don't think that I'm unkind just somebody told me only and only only the strong can survive

girls against god | florence + the machine if they ever let me out, I'm really gonna let it out I listen to music from 2006 and feel kind of sick but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with this oh, tell me it's not over yet and in my darkest fantasies, I'm the picture of passivity waiting for you side of stage suppressing all my private rage oh, it's good to be alive crying into cereal at midnight and if they let me out, I'm really gonna let it out when I decided to wage holy war it very much looked like staring at my bedroom floor but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with me

[nokaru]

Friend! Do you have any songs that remind you of Umihebi and/or Torou, together or individually??

Oh my darling you have no idea...sorry this took so long I got tired ahhh

I made this playlist ages ago, it's still in my drafts here too - never got around to actually posting it BUT it's here! I dub thee UmiTorou playlist: toxic gfs commiting crimes

I'll go about this the same way I would with other playlist posts so here are selected few with some commentary and lyrics ^^ putting it under read more

girl in red - You Stupid Bitch

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth Just count to ten and try to breathe You stupid bitch, can't you see The perfect one for you is me?

need i say more? this is so UmiTorou. I see this song from Torou's pov, trying to chat up Umihebi after there was something between them already. (bonus points for girl in red and the beat)

Beabadoobee - The Perfect Pair

You ought to know that I think we're one and the same I don't think we could help it No, I don't think we could help it We don't talk much Guess 'cause nothing has changed And I'm not sure I like it And I'm so tired of fighting

perfect pair they sure are, also Beadadoobee's voice is giving UmiTorou if they were lo-fi. Something about being obviously bad for each other but also so so perfect for this one person only.

AURORA - Cure For Me

I run from the liars, the fuel on the fire I know I created myself I know I can't fight the sad days and bad nights But I never asked for your help

You got hurt No, we don't belong together So you took the love from my arms Into the arms of yours But I don't need a cure for me I don't need it

This one reminds me more of Umihebi and Torou individually (but also as a couple) - esp the "I created myself" line. I love evil women and implications they are the way they are because of nobody than themselves. No man involved for backstory, I am who I am because I chose this kinda deal.

The Brobecks - Visitation of the Ghost

You think that I don't know your game A pretty, pretty, pretty little face Despite every book and every little kiss you took She'll take your place

Umihebi to Torou, while they still danced around each other like they are not obsessed with each other sigh.

CRAWLERS - Come Over (again)

Take her name out of your mouth You don't deserve to mourn You just love the attention Or do you get bored? You like the power you have Hope you get caught in the law Do you think that you're happy? Just wait 'til you're sure

This is actually one of my Umihebi character songs cause it fits perfectly with my OCs and their relatioship with Umi + Umi origins. Basically Umihebi getting kicked around for her arrogant behaviour part 1

Mitski - A Pearl

You're growing tired of me You love me so hard and I still can't sleep You're growing tired of me And all the things I don't talk about Sorry, I don't want your touch It's not that I don't want you Sorry, I can't take your touch It's just that I fell in love with a war Nobody told me it ended And it left a pearl in my head And I roll it around every night Just to watch it glow Every night, baby, that's where I go

UmiTorou rocky relatioship 0.2, they are both complicated people (one more than the other) and they just CAN'T talk about it. Over their dead bodies.

The Dresden Dolls - My Alcoholic Friends

I'm trying hard Not to be ashamed Not to know the name Of who is waking up beside me Or the date, the season or the city But at least the ceiling's very pretty Should I choose a noble occupation? If I did I'd only show up late and sick And they would stare at me with hatred Plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends

Torou song right there!! Yes, maybe a bit cheesy but just listen to it...its so Torou and Obi coded. While Obi might have chosen the noble occupation, Torou (mind you not inherently evil) can't see herself as anything else than what she is now. She won't let go of her current life, just the thought of losing the freedom of it makes her sick.

Epic the Musical - My Goodbye

You are reckless Sentimental at best That's not a teaching of mine You've grown soft Your dead friends can attest Put your emotions aside You're a warrior Meant to lead the rest I don't know where I went wrong But I warned you And you failed the test

Umihebi getting kicked around by my OC for development part 2 (after getting arrested !!gone physical!! :0)

Chappell Roan - Pink Pony Club

I'm having wicked dreams of leaving Tennessee Hear Santa Monica, I swear it's calling me Won't make my mama proud, it's gonna cause a scene She sees her baby girl, I know she's gonna scream God, what have you done?

this became crazy Umihebi centric so this one is purely Torou song. I mean Chappell was made for her come on now...why Pink Pony Club? It's the vibes + my wife iilfal's fanfic about Torou's backstory (tho only vaguely). Also the line "I'm gonna keep on dancing" is so Torou and her lay-back personality. She would be the bomb in any club.

[thepriceofsurvival]

I head your Jean-coded playlist Nora, and I love it, but I will also provide my own. Mostly just because of my own music taste.

A little rock, a little punk, a little grunge, a touch pop, even some indie. And of course, so very very sad.

A few of the songs as well as some of the lyrics, just to convince you:

In My Time of Dying - Led Zeppelin

In my time of dying, want nobody to mourn All I want for you to do is take my body home {...} Oh, Saint Peter at the gates of Heaven Won’t you let me in? {...} I never did no harm, I never did no wrong I must’ve did somebody some good Oh, I believe I did

Brand New City - Mitski

I think my fate is losing its patience I think the ground is pulling me down I think my life is losing momentum I think my ways are wearing me down But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die Honey, what'd you take? What'd you take? Honey, look at me Tell me what you took, what'd you take?

Sunlight - Hozier

I would shun the light, share in evening's cool and quiet Who would trade that hum of night? For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight But whose heart would not take flight? Betray the moon as acolyte On first and fierce affirming sight Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

You’d Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out to Get You) - Waterparks

I learned to live with these eyes in my closet Hands in my pockets Alone, but surrounded I'm breathing, I'm drowning I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?

Wires - The Neighbourhood

We talked about making it I'm sorry that you never made it And it pains me just to hear you have to say it You knew the game and played it It kills to know that you have been defeated I see the wires pulling while you're breathing You knew you had a reason {...} He told me I should take it in Listen to every word he's speaking The wires getting older I can hear the way they're creaking As they're holding him

16, 16, Six - The Drips

Tell me what you wanna know I gotta tell you that I miss your voice Cause everything else I hear is a violent noise And it's breaking through to my soul {...} Take comfort in familiar face Carried me all over the place Fell in love the only way we could No one understood and no one could

Fight or Flight - Conan Grey

Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die Than have to cry in front of you Fight or flight, I'd rather lie Than tell you I'm in love with you

Giver - K.Flay

I'm learning to live I'm trying to be better I'm learning to give But I don't know if I'm a giver {...} I got so much soul in my body But no one keeping me honest And whole days turn into holes in my mind

You Know You're Right - Nirvana

I will never follow you I will never bother you Never speak a word again I will crawl away for good I will move away from here You won't be afraid of fear No thought was put into this I always knew it would come to this Things have never been so swell I have never failed to fail

Exit Music (For A FIlm) - Radiohead

Wake from your sleep The drying of your tears Today we escape, we escape Pack and get dressed Before your father hears us Before all hell breaks loose Breathe, keep breathing Don't lose your nerve Breathe, keep breathing I can't do this alone

Hysteria - Muse

'Cause I want it now I want it now Give me your heart and your soul And I'm breaking out I'm breaking out Last chance to lose control

Aneurism - Nirvana

Come on over, do the twist, aha Overdo it and have a fit, aha Love you so much, it makes me sick, aha Come on over and do the twist, aha Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) {...}

Lydia - Highly Suspect

I've seen better days So unafraid in my youth I can't breathe, much less believe You gave everything you had Every little thing you had A true love unrehearsed I've seen your best and worst And at your worst, you're still the best But at my best, I am the worst It's a curse

Devil In Me 22-20s

I don't live, I just breathe I don't give and I don't recieve And I'll never get the devil Outside of me, outside of me I don't get all the good things You said I'd see, you said I'd see And I don't see the light Surrounding me, surrounding me

Dream On - Aerosmith

Every time that I look in the mirror All these lines on my face getting clearer The past is gone Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn Isn't that the way?

Don't Matter - Kings of Leon

You're not a man everybody says But it don't matter to me Dirty feet on my seat But it don't matter to me Break my heart, tear me apart It don't matter to me no, no I put a shine in your eye It don't matter to me 'Cause it's always the same And I'm always the same

[mangooospagetti]

I'm like fight club for real for real (lifting weights at 2 am and beating up men and being fucked up in the depths of my soul)

fucked up shit. Tonight I went to a fancy dinner and the whole time pondered how words do meaning and yearned to take a class on like semiotics and how that actually works. I also played around with the idea I am irreparably fucked up forever and actually an evil psychopath who like lays around and is terrible and uses people and stuff. I also shortly after played with the idea that anything that sounds too dramatic to be true probably is just that, but you never know for sure. Today I also was nice to my friends and thought about biology a lot. And also what was actually today but technically today and yesterday I grappled with the way my stupid obsession brain works and also am irreparably horny forever because of steroids and also need to make out with a man asap but that thoguht makes me feel weird because everything is wrong and not how it should be. I should be fucking infatuated, but maybe that;ll return. I also have filled the void left by Evil Dennis and it feels like I have a warm blanket wrapped around me and all I want to do is talk and talk and talk and stay up all night and talk some more. I feel alive again and also the opposite too I suppose. I wrote 4 mediocre poems and didn't do any of the things I was supposed to do but I think am ok with that, and told many people things I could have kept to myself and kind of crashed out in a terrible way. I felt sad that no one new has called me hot in a few years. I judged people who are overly bro-y and don't delight in being a delicate faggot, and dressed up fancy and was clouded with self doubt. I love delicate faggots. I rejoiced and was saddened by the same thing. I triedto get introspective and think about the big picture but was made to focus too much on how terribly messy the present feels. I was disconnected from the past, and saddened again. I read some sylvia plath and ruminated on how viscerally terrible I feel when I listen to Mitski. I thoguht about how talking to Tomas the wise sage would probably make me feel better but abstained for a reason I do not know. I found a pencil sharpener with the blade missing. I looked back on things and felt even worse, I looked to the future and felt like I need to fight again. Everything is messy, all I can do is talk talk talk talk talk.

[carniferous]

Helloooooo I already flopped around a bit in ur comment section on ao3 but i just wanted to pop here and say hiiii because i just read ur ruin it all over fic and 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞im not doing good haahahhahahahhahahah

I saw that the title came from the alcott(which honestly felt like a personal attack, my fave song with my fave couple but just completely heartbreaking:((() and wanted to ask if u were inspired by any other songs or any other songs remind u of those sad sad boys

hi!! thank you SO much i'm so happy you enjoyed it!!! (i'd say sorry but.... i'm not <3)

i actually have a playlist for ruin it all over that is a bunch of songs that i felt applied to the fic so give that a listen to know what other songs inspired me while i was writing ^_^

but bc i love talking about music i'm gonna talk some more about some of my top jegulus songs/lyrics

square - mitski

You know, you made me happy Here, shake my hand You make such a good man Never once did you know me

I tried my hardest, for how do you learn God's very simple and love doesn't burn And maybe you'd offered me all that I yearned for But I was still waiting for something to earn Silly me, waiting

mitski is my favorite artist and i've been a fan for awhile and when i first got into jegulus i was literally INSANE over how much this song screamed them. like... please listen to this song and imagine it from regulus's pov it will break your heart. "you'd offered me all that i yearned for" -> you gave me the love i'd never been given before. "but i was still waiting for something to earn" -> but i was still trying to earn it from the people who'd never given it to me

my tears ricochet - taylor swift

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

i feel like i don't even need to explain this one like we all see the vision right? regulus didn't have it in himself to go with grace. james is the hero flying around saving face! they're so doomed <3

please stay - lucy dacus

You tell me you love me, like it'll be the last time Like you're playing out, the end of a storyline I say I love you too, because it's true What else am I supposed to do? Maybe bar the door when you move to leave

I think you mean what you say When you say you wanna die I think you mean what you say When you say you want to stay alive

this is the THE canon compliant jegulus from james's pov song imo. like... "you tell me you love me like it'll be the last time"??? the whole song really reflects james's anxiety over losing regulus, knowing that regulus loves him but knowing that it might not be enough

star - mitski

That love is like a star, it's gone We just see it shining It's traveled very far, I'll Keep a leftover light burning So you can keep looking up Isn't that worth holding on

You know I'd always been alone Till you taught me To live for somebody

once again. do i even need to elaborate

honorable mentions to georgia by phoebe bridgers, cool about it by boygenius, and fade into you by mazzy star

[girl-bateman]

I have been informed that House md “isn’t good for me” after being caught ugly crying to a House/Wilson mitski edit and my official recommendation is that I should watch family guy instead in order to preserve my mental health. 

[actuallysaiyan]

My Personal Love Story: Vegeta

Request:

"hi!! first, congrats on 1k!! i love everything you write and im so happy other people do too<3 okay so, id like to request fluffy relationship headcanons with Vegeta<3 a few things about me, im 5'2 and i really love tattoos and drawing/painting/tattooing. ive given myself like 16 this year, and one of my personal favorites is a Bunny on my calf since my chosen name is Bunny lmao. i can be pretty talkative at times,, idk my personality type? but im a pisces sun, libra rising, and aries venus! i like walking around and making jokes about random things on dates, just making each other laugh and spending quality time when we can:) my favorite musician is hard to choose, but recently id say Mitski<3

thank you so much if you do this, and its okay if you don't too<3

also, pretty sure i have adhd (as a detail)"

My Personal Love Story: Vegeta

Your Song: Space Age Love Song- A Flock Of Seagulls

Headcanons:

It took some time for Vegeta to get used to you, but once he realized how sweet and fun to be around you were, he made exceptions. He’d allow you to come watch him train or fight Goku, but it really surprised him when you stayed and watched him the whole time and then you’d compliment him on his fighting.

From that time, Vegeta realized how he truly likes you. He has a hard time showing his true emotions and gets hot headed from time to time, but he always wants you to know that he enjoys your company so much.

Lots of time spent watching him train and even letting him teach you a few moves. He’s got a big ego, so the more time you spend complimenting him and listening to him teach you a new move, he’s going to really appreciate it.

If he does take anytime to actually train you, you know you’ve got a very good bond with Vegeta. He doesn’t fight just anyone, but when he’s with you, he just wants to be close to you no matter what.

Vegeta actually really loves going on dates with you. Whenever he’s not training or fighting, he loves going out with you and doing something fun together. If it’s a competitive activity, Vegeta can get a little too intense with it at times.

If you’re more into spending time doing your own thing at home, be it drawing or painting, Vegeta is more than okay with also doing his own thing. He enjoys just being near you and within your company. He loves having quiet moments where the two of you are just being passionate with your hobbies and passions.

Vegeta loves listening to you tell him stories about your day or even just things that have happened to you in the past. He secretly loves pillow talk and cuddling. It’s one of his favorite things to do with you. Nothing beats holding you close to him after you’ve made love and you are enchanting him with your voice.

Speaking of which, your voice really comforts Vegeta. He feels at peace whenever he hears you. If you cheer him on while he’s battling, he will make a big effort to show off in front of you and have you marvel at his strength. Vegeta loves it whenever you call him “my prince”. Depending on when he hears it, it could have different outcomes.

He would literally die for you. Or kill for you. Either way, you know that Vegeta is going to protect you from now and until forever. He will not let anyone hurt you in any way, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. There’s no way anyone will even get the chance to. He’s your lover and you know you can count on him to keep you safe.

Vegeta absolutely wants a family with you. He doesn’t want to push it on you, but he really wants to have many children with you. He loves the idea of being a father and with you by his side, he’ll always be at peace.

How You Started Dating:

This was becoming somewhat funny. You and Vegeta have been running into each other at Bulma’s parties so much that you both were kind of laughing at it. Sure, you both knew you’d be invited, but you always figured Vegeta would stick to Goku or Bulma all night. He never struck you as someone who would mingle.

But now it’s been so many times you’ve been up close and personal with him. He seems so much more charming now. He smiles when you talk, but he does keep it a secret only shared with you. Vegeta tells you of his passions and dreams. It’s an odd thing to witness, but you are falling more and more in love with him as the time passes.

“Tch, figures you’d be here again.” Vegeta scoffs with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Yeah, bet you’re really sad about it, huh?” You joke and you see a smirk on his face. He moves closer to you but he’s careful that nobody has really spotted either of you.

Vegeta leads you to a private bedroom, and once the door is closed, he leans in to kiss you. You’re a little surprised but you are more satisfied than anything. You can’t believe that Vegeta has finally made a move on you.

“I never thought you’d kiss me,” you challenge him. Vegeta just chuckles.

“There’s a lot about me that you don’t know, woman. Would you like to stick around and find out?” There’s a slight hopefulness in his voice. You smile and lean in to kiss him again.

“Is this your cheesy way of asking me out?”

A slight blush on his cheeks would suggest that your assumptions are correct. Vegeta just avoids your eye contact and he mutters how this is stupid. You know he’s just a little flustered.

“I’d love to go out with you, Vegeta.”

“Of course you would, I am the prince of all Saiyans.”

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi! Congratulations on 100 followers! Can you ship me with a male marauder's era, please?

I'm short I have medium dark brown hair & hazel eyes, I'm half white, half Mexican (they look pretty dark tho) (There's a face reveal on my page if it helps!) My style is all over the place honestly, I mostly enjoy t-shirts and jeans

I love all types of music from every decade, some of my favorite artists are Harry Styles, Mitski, Aretha Franklin, Adele, and Rex Orange County. Music is probably the most essential thing in my life.

My hobbies are reading, writing, and doing diamond paintings. I prefer candy over chocolate, I spend too much time online, my favorite color is green, I love fruity things except mango-flavored stuff

I'm pretty introverted for the most part, but when I'm around people I care for I hardly shut up. I'm sorta awkward & clumsy, I'm always laughing and making jokes (sometimes I joke too much) I can be a little mean but I don't intentionally tear anyone down. I'm quite picky about the people I surround myself with, If we don't vibe I just won't talk to you.

My main goal in life is to find what makes me feel fulfilled and that I made a good contribution to the world.

Thank you! Again congrats on 100!

hi <3

i ship you with sirius. i almost said remus, but i think there’s a few key things that suit you better for sirius. the main thing is your goal in life being to find what makes you feel fulfilled and you wanting to make a good contribution to the world. i think sirius is so afraid of ending up like his parents and becoming bad if he doesn’t try his hardest to be good, and i think you’d inspire each other to be the best you can be. he’d loving having someone he can joke around with that would match his energy, but i also thing he needs his moments to himself where it’s calm, and you could be that for him. sitting in silence together and listening to music would mean the world to him, just finding comfort in each other’s presence. i don’t think sirius would ever listen to anything sad if he had the choice between it and someone upbeat like bowie or the beatles unless he was in a really bad mood and he felt like being dramatic. i think he for the sake of you tho would let you put on something sad, and he’d just think you were so beautiful watching you listen to the songs. once you were truly comfortable around him, you and him could talk for hours, to the point where you were avoiding your work. i think sometimes he would have to get onto you to get you back on track so you actually finished your work.

“love, i know that i can avoid all my work and manage to get top marks, but that doesn’t mean you can do it too, you need to study.”

you’d whine, dramatically throwing your head back. “sirius! come on, there’s one more song i want to show you!”

he’d grin, always giving in to you. “fine, one more song, and then you’re studying. i’ll even help.”

“you haven’t been to this class in a week, sirius.”

“…yeah, maybe we should go find remus.”

[thatonecitykid]

I bet on Losing

Hey everyone! Sorry this is so sad.. was already crying so might as well make everyone else cry.This takes place after Endgame but during the same time as Far From Home. Listen to "I Bet on Losing Dogs" by Mitski for the full experience. Word Count: 2517. Have fun angels :)

Peter had finally left for his class trip, Pepper and Morgan had gone to spend their summer in Malibu, the remaining avengers were either in space or had completely disappeared from your life. Here you were after five years of your life had evaporated, and after all this time you had to play your fathers role for all the remaining avengers. You hadn't had the opportunity to cry when you first learned about what had happened. You couldn't cry at the funeral, not because you did not want to, but because you felt as if your father wouldn't want to see it. No one wanted to leave you alone, but after months of trying to dig some type of emotion out of you they had assumed that the death and slow disappearance of your makeshift avenger family had unaffected you.

You finally had the opportunity to exist alone. You had also finally mustered up the strength to visit secluded cabin your father had lived in for the last five years of his life. Although you had been given the keys immediately after the funeral, something about visiting the area made you feel uneasy. Not necessarily creeped out but just as if you did not belong, after all it was something your father invested in after you had already blipped away for several months.

You drove up to the cabin alone, slowly unlocking the door as if to not start or whoever may be inside. Before even entering the cabin, it looks clean, you assume that Pepper has had people cleaning constantly to maintain the cabin. It made sense, it was something she's cherished. You stepped into the cabin slowly and began to look around. The walls were lined with framed pictures of Morgan, family pictures of Pepper, your dad, and Morgan, and random posters and vintage albums. Although you were not the one to complain about it, having no evidence of your existence in the main areas of the home caused your heart dropped. As you wandered through the kitchen and the main family room, there is no evidence of Tony's life prior to the blip, just a somewhat normal family of three.

You decide to wander to the basement area, leaving the office and bedroom spaces upstairs for later. There was a large sitting area that you assumed they watched movies in. There was also a playroom painted pink featuring all sorts of gadgets very similar to those you grew up with that Tony had made for you. Towards the back hall of the basement, it was a glass door to your father's workshop area. You open the door gently and made your way in.

Despite looking like somewhat of a mess, you knew that behind the madness there was a method. You could tell that although your dad left in a hurry, things were placed in specific spots very similarly to how he did in every other one of his workshops. You walked towards his swiveling chair, noticing a metal box with a button on the worktable. You press the button and jump back as a life-size hologram of your father appeared in the room. He began

"Hi Pepper. My love, my muse, my boss. If you are listening to this then I did the one thing you have always told me not to do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the worry I've put you through, and I am sorry for taking myself away from you. I was a gift wasn't I. You've already seen another version of this message, but it never hurts to see your face again my darling."

The tears in your eyes begin to form, not because you had not expected to see your father. At this point you had already seen the message he had left after the funeral; It was only really meant for Pepper and Morgan, never addressing you.. At the funeral you refused to enter the cabin but as you watched the message while standing outside, Happy looked over at you with remorse but you kept a straight face again. Who were you to complain at your dead dad's funeral? Yet this message radiated the same energy.

As the second portion of the message began to play tears began to fall faster. It almost feels like an out of body, sure your dad had taken up different kids during your time growing up, but this message made you feel as If you had been completely replaced. Although it felt like a dumb theory there was no evidence as to your existence prior to Morgan.

"Hello my little scientist. How's my favorite person. Daddy is really sorry I can't be there right now. Be a trooper and hug you mom for me real quick. Now you must be surprised because I'm supposed to be the strongest dad in the world but let me tell you kid, sometimes crazy things happen when put on the ironman helmet. My little minion I love you 3000. My love for you is infinite. You have been and will forever be daddy's best friend."

Here you were crying over a child who had also lost her father, filled with jealousy over the fact that you father had chosen her and failed to consider your return but had prepared for Peter's return, still had projects waiting for Harley, and had in fact set up a stable plan for Morgan's future. At this point you were sobbing, what had all felt like a bad nightmare and jumping to conclusions had started to feel way too real. This emotion was even stronger than when you watched footage from your father suit as the snap happened, this emotion felt like a stab in the back.

Maybe he never loved me.

You tried to collect yourself but were still sobbing when the holographic figure of you father disappeared. You might as well finish the house tour before leaving. The upstairs portion of the house featured Tony and Pepper's room, Morgan's room and two other doors. The main bedroom was tidy and organized, with a closet full of clothes that both Pepper and your dad had left. You walked into Morgan's room and did a quick look around, not wanting to invade child space. Returning to the hallway you opened the door to your father's office. Inside there was a rather simple with a desk, a leather chair, and two matching chairs. The plants in the room were growing well, meaning someone still came to water them. There were a few pictures on the wall, including Peter's Stark internship picture, and a random picture you took of the original Avengers after their first New York battle. On the desk there was another metal box similar to that in the workpace. You argued whether or not you wanted to potentially break your heart more before giving in, siting in the leather seat and pressing the button.

A slim beam of light scanned over your face, confirming your identity, and the box began to play. To say you were shocked is an understatement, as your father's hologram appeared across the desk sitting in one of the matching chairs.

"Hello Munchkin. If you've found this box, then I just going to have to accept that I've failed you. You've been gone for five years and regret every moment leading up to when you snapped away. You really did want to come to space with me, and honestly you would have been helpful, but I don't think I could see you Blip away and have the will to continue. That being said because I am already admitting I was wrong, I should not have had your suit take you to the bunker room, where you eventually snapped away alone. I regret that decision y constantly. On another note, I'm sorry I didn't hug you as soon as you got back, I clearly I cannot really hug anyone."

You had finally given up on holding in their tears. You didn't have to be strong in front of your dad. He had always held you when you cried and this time he couldn't. You tried to wrap your arms around yourself, but nothing felt the same.

"I hope you are crying, because if I'm crying alone during this part, I'll be embarrassed, his image continued as it stood up and leaned against the back of the chair. Munch I know you've probably walked around this house and have found no evidence of yourself. You've probably beat yourself up about how much I love Morgan, but think about it. The amount of time I've spent these last 5 years essentially idolizing you would not have been good for her to experience. "

You rose quickly from the chair. Not even one damn picture?

"Now I know you're wondering not even a single picture. Pick up the projector box and follow me ."

You did as the digital version of your father told you and followed it back into the hallway.

"Put the box down and put your hand on the center of the door. "

This activated a scanner which opened up the door to the room. As you walked in you recognized that this was an exact replica of your room back in the Malibu house. You were still a kid when the original house was blown to pieces but somehow everything was exactly as you remembered it. As you walked further into the room you noticed the large screens, placed like picture frames, which played videos and pictures of you and your dad throughout the years.

Your father walked towards the center of the room, bounded by how far the projector was.

"You see kid, me and you have somewhat the same grieving styles. I have a feeling you didn't cry at the funeral. I have a feeling you haven't cried, at least in a way that someone else could have noticed. You take after me in that sense."

The hologram started to sniffle, your dad had actually started crying when recording this. You really wanted to hug him, the reality of his death hurt even more. You had finally allowed yourself to start grieving.

"Look, I know you used to listen to the song about betting on losing dogs when you wanted to cry, but that does not apply to you at all. You may have gotten a more complicated stick of life, but I can tell ya, this does not need to be your villain origin story. From the first day I took you home I could tell you were a fighter, but I need you to feel as if its ok to cry. I've spent hours on this floor in shambles wishing you were here. The small things that Morgan does that remind me of you throw me into sadness pools constantly. You are my motivating force. I really hope you allow yourself to cry about it so that you can continue in life. I don't think I can stand in this room for any longer before I cannot speak at all, so please take the projector back to my office. "

As you lifted the projector you thought about how much this must have hurt your father to record. Maybe he didn't want anyone to encounter this box except for you. As you placed the box on the desk, you sat back into the leather chair as your father's holograph sat across from you.

"On a different note, you are probably wondering why I seemed to set up a game plan for everyone but you. With Morgan I just made sure she had a comfortable, who am I kidding, lavish funding behind her. I can't dictate what a five-year-old should do. For Harley you know that I've always looked out for him, a position in Stark industries honestly should not have surprised you. Peter is what I feel most conflicted about. I'm not setting him up to become the next Ironman, I'm setting him up to become the greatest version of Spiderman he can be. Well, I know the media is probably going to take it and run having known that Spiderman and Ironman we're friends at some point, but I'm really giving you the biggest responsibility. I don't expect you to live in my shadow, I want you to outgrow it. I think you might be surprised to see everything that I left you, besides Stark industries itself. That's a conversation for another day."

"I know I've been speaking for quite a while, but my baby, my baby yes I called you that. I know how much this has all affected you, and I'm sorry, I am completely sorry and do take full fault for it all. But now because we cannot change the past, let's focus on the present. I want you to know that I loved you with my entire being. I'm not sure how to emphasize this enough but I do want you to know you were cared for, you were loved, and you were thought about for every minute. If you don't get to see this message, and I'm already gone, that means this message will never have to play for anyone. Either I found you and I've given you a new message, or I'm rolling in my grave. Either way my darling I cannot emphasize how much I love you. I do hope for the best for. Before I have to go, I want to see you smile. Sure, I can't physically see it right now, but I can imagine it."

As the recording choked out that last sentence, you flashed a weak smile. A face sticky with all the tears that you have been crying.

Now I know you need to get back home, but when you get back to the city, stop by the shawarma place and get something to eat. you gotta eat Darling. Also don't act like you don't like Peter, you two idiots keep pushing each other away in cannot take it. Now I'm gonna say goodbye mini me. Watch over Pepper and Morgan for me, okay? I love you."

You took one final sweep of the house before heading back to your car. You had cried so much that your eyes physical hurt. You almost felt a sense of comfort having finally released some of the pent-up emotion. As you drove towards the city and towards the Shawarma place you almost felt kind of sad, knowing that all of your friends were in a foreign country. Yet you still felt as if your best friend, your Dad was watching over you. And in all reality that felt as if it was the only thing that mattered.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi Days! I'm a huge fan of your work and your tumblr blog bc you give so many naruhina fanfic recs and talk about your stories, etc.

To sum it up, you're my favorite person lol, I'm a bit shy so I'm asking this as an anon, but I wanted to tell you something random just because I've always just thought about it and maybe you would agree or comment on it.

Have you ever listened to mitski? If you haven't I recomend you do bc she's amazing, but anyways I was listening to a song of hers called "washing machine heart" and it reminded me of naruhina, like the fic "together you and I" but different you know, like naruto only married hinata because he couldn't have sakura, she was his second option and every time he looked at her he wished and pretended it was Sakura, so Hina tries her hardest to look pretty and try to be the person he wants, always getting saddend by the idea that she isn't the one he wants, she knows his heart will only belong to Sakura. She let's him trample all over her heart and use her because she loves him unconditionally, maybe cry to her on some nights because he longs for Sakura's love that will never come.

I've read so many fanfics and I've never encountered one using this concept, I'd write it myself, but I'm not good at writing, maybe I'm reaching but it could inspire an angst story made by you or just a prompt or idea/concept for anyone to use. The hurt in this could be inmaculate and I bet a good writer could bring everyone to tears if they read a story like this. You don't have to do anything ofc I'll love you either way, I'm not meaning to push you to write a whole story with this concept by any means or to even post this ask, it's just something I made up/ related to this certain song, so I wanted you to see it, perhaps share your opinion or thoughts on it or just think about it. I love pain a lot hahaha bc I'm not a narusaku shipper in any way, I actually dislike the ship a lot.

Thank you for reading this and pls keep up the awesome work!! I'll always be a fan and support you and your spectacular writing❤️❤️

GAH What an awful fic idea you have 💔

“The Ring that Binds�� by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it.

And

“Territorial” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M, High school AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  When Hinata takes advantage of Naruto’s desperation for love, they’re both a little too much for the other to handle.

Are similar to what you have there.

HERE’S MY VERY QUICK AND INCOMPLETE STAB AT YOUR PROMPT IT’S UNEDITED UNREVISED CANON-DIVERGENT AU RATED T FOR LANGUAGE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT I COULD COME UP WITH 😘  THEY ARE NOT MARRIED BECAUSE I WOULD BE TOO SAD

...

Naruto finally makes it to the Hokage’s office, having had trouble shaking off fangirls on his way.  He can immediately tell he’s the last one there, even though it’s the eve of the Rinnegan Festival.  Tense expressions greet him, the atmosphere somber.

Sakura whips her attention back to the desk before them.  “Rokudaime, with all due respect, I don’t think Naruto belongs on this mission.”

Her behavior has confused him all night.  First moving away from him so that Hinata would sit between them at Ichiraku when Hinata could have just sat on the other side of him.  Then pushing him to follow Hinata back home.  He said aloud that he’d be seeing her later, and that he wanted to catch up with everyone first, but Sakura just glared at him...

She’s been pushing him away, more and more every day, breaking his heart to smaller and smaller pieces...whether knowingly or not, he’s not sure about that, but she’s never rejected him from being her teammate on a mission.

Worried, he meets Kakashi’s gaze.

“I understand your concern, Sakura.”  His tone is heavy.  His usual careless attitude nowhere in sight.  “Call it just my gut-feeling...you’re going to need Naruto’s strength for this mission.”

-

Hanabi was kidnapped.

Hiashi and Hinata are nowhere to be found.

“What do you mean...?” Naruto finds himself asking.  “I just saw her.  We just saw her.  Not even an hour ago.”

“When Sai reported Hanabi’s kidnapping, believe me, Naruto, we moved to notify her family immediately.  Anbu can’t find them.”

“What?”  The last memory he has of Hinata abruptly leaving dinner and running off without hardly a word nags at him, inexplicably tightening his chest.  “She’s fine.  Hinata’s strong.  She can take on anybody.  No one would dare-”

“Naruto,” Sakura interrupts, her gaze cutting sharp.  “She’s nowhere to be found.  And as much as you believe that, no one is invincible.  Not even Hinata.  We need to form a plan, otherwise we’re losing precious time.”

“No one is invincible.  Not even Hinata.”

An emptying numbness invades his insides, discomforting slickness muting him.

This isn’t his fault, is it?

-

What if she needed to tell him something?

She was acting strange at Ichiraku.

Quiet, unusual for her as of recent...

But how was he supposed to notice?  Should he have followed after her, like Sakura said?  But they were supposed to meet at his apartment later on anyway, so why did she have to come out early like that and ruin the good time he was having?  She knows how he hasn’t given up on Sakura.

She knows everything about him.  She’s been his rock after Sakura tried to shut him down for good.  So how can it be that she’d just disappear?  There’s no way.

There’s just no way that she disappeared right after she left...

-

Hours.

Hours of wandering around in abandoned, desolate, war-stricken villages in god-knows-where, and nothing.  No one.

He’s asking for the hundredth time, but he doesn’t care, he’s past the point of desperation, and anxiety-laced tension fills the air.  “Taku, you really don’t see anything?!”  The Hyuuga they have on their team led them into this godforsaken wasteland.

Taku turns on him aggressively, getting in his face in reaction, and yells, “What about you??  You think I’m not trying my best?!  This is my family!  Just because you’re Hinata’s boyfriend doesn’t mean you’re any more worried than the rest of us!  You don’t sense her??”

No.  He doesn’t.

His Sage Mode has never been so useless.  In fact, he senses no one besides them in this place, and it’s with terrible unease that he begins to entertain the thought that she’s gone for good.

“There’s no one even here besides us!  Nothing!  Why’d you take us down here?  Where are we even?!  How do we get out of here in the first place?!” he argues back.

“Sakura-san was right!  You don’t belong on this mission!  I don’t know what Hinata-sama could ever see in you, I haven’t seen her smile in months!”

“What do you mean by that?!  She smiles all the time!  I’ve never seen her act so cheerful in my life!”

“So you fucking know it, too!”  Taku glares at him with an incredulous expression.  “That she’s just acting!”

“What the hell do you mean by that-”

And he doesn’t know what happened next, but Sai’s grabbing onto Taku and he himself is locked in Shikamaru’s shadow manipulation.  Chakra’s sparking off his own hands, while blue embers warp along Taku’s.

“Calm down,” Shikamaru orders both of them.  “We’re not getting anywhere if the two of you keep fighting.”  He waits for Taku to loosen his stance.

Sai lets go of him.

Taku throws an insulting glare around before sauntering off.

Shikamaru sighs.  Hard.  “Go cool your head, Naruto.”  He retracts his shadow, and Naruto wastes no time walking off in the opposite direction, far from wherever Taku is heading.

Yet Taku’s ridiculous words ring in his head.  “That she’s just acting.”

But she said that she’s happy to be with him.  That she doesn’t mind that he’s still in love with Sakura.  She said that she’s just happy to be with him.

She said that.  She did.  And she wouldn’t lie to him, right?

She was just acting?

“You’re not going to finish your ramen?” he asked her on their date last month.

“No...”  Suddenly, she smiled brightly, something she’s been doing more often ever since he mentioned that he’s always liked how genki Sakura is.  “Do you want the rest of mine?  I’m dieting.”

He scrunched his eyebrows at her.  “Dieting?  Why?”

“Well...”  She looked thoughtful for a moment before seeming to come to a decision.  “Naruto-kun, you like thin girls, right?”

He knew she was talking about Sakura.  “...I guess...”

“I want to make you happy,...” she started.  She bit her lips for a hesitating moment before continuing, “so I’ve been trying to lose a little weight.”

“Oh.”  He didn’t know what to make of that.  Unbidden, he looked her over. 

“Can you tell?” she asked, her characteristic shyness lowered her lashes, yet she didn’t fidget under his examination, and he could tell how she was trying her best to have that confident persona he admires in his former teammate.

Despite her recent changes in attitude, Hinata’s still been so physically small compared to himself and everyone else.  Under her jacket, he couldn’t tell if she looked skinnier or not, and even if she was, he doesn’t think she really needed to be skinnier.

But then she looked up at him with that heavy, hopeful weight in her gaze, and he couldn’t let her down.  Not when she’s trying so hard for his approval.

He fibbed easily.  “Yeah.  You look really good.”

She shined another smile at him that made him feel good.  Even if their relationship wasn’t traditional, he could at least still make her happy.  He could at least tell her some sweet words and see her sweet smile and-

She was lying.

She wasn’t happy?

He never made her happy?

Then what was the point of any of it?

No, she must have been happy, right?!  She said so!  She told him so!  Many, many times!

After all, he asked her.  All of those times he thought she was faking her smile, he asked just to make sure, and she vehemently told him that she was really happy to be with him.

She said he could talk to her about all of it.  That she could take on his heartbreak because her feelings were so much bigger than...

“Uzumaki Naruto.”

The unfamiliar voice has him leaping to his feet.

A man as pale as a ghost with piercingly icy eyes is floating down to him on some strange platform.  “You’re really as pitiful as I expected.”

“Who the hell are you?!”  He readies his stance.  He’s not in any mood for games, and he’s ready to let loose some of his stress on this very suspicious character.

“Hinata’s fiance.”

“Hinata?!”  Fire races through his veins, heating his feet, and he’s ready to leap at this guy.  “Where is she?!”

“With me.”

His heart rate exponentially explodes, beating into his ears, his skin practically bristling.  “Let her go,” he demands, and the threat of his words leaks from every pore of his being.  “Now.”

The man almost snorts.  “What makes you think she wants to see you?  You only ever used her, broke her...”  His collected expression hardens, and Naruto can sense that he has no intention of releasing her.  “I’ll make her happier than you ever could.”

Several thoughts fly too quickly through his mind to properly process any of it, leaving only residual uncertainty and that deepening sense of his culpability in her sudden disappearance.  But he doesn’t linger on the unpleasant sensations.  “What the fuck do you know?!”  And he’s charging at him, a Rasengan heavy in his hand.

The enemy is far more powerful than he appeared, immediately blowing him back with some kind of focused chakra.  “Weak, pathetic.”

“GIVE HER BACK!”  He replicates himself a dozen times, each of them throwing Rasenshurikens at the man.

Yet more of that strange yellow chakra protects him.  He’s unscathed even under his shadow clone onslaught.  “No.  I gave her a choice, and she came with me.  I’m just here to get rid of you, take revenge against you for her sake.”

He hardly comprehends the nonsense spewing out of the enemy’s mouth, and he rallies his clones into close combat, but the man manages to avoid many of the attacks while landing hits of his own.

Clones poofing away only to be replaced by more, frustration and fury starting to blind him into sloppier and sloppier moves.

“I love Hinata.  That’s why I deserve her.”

He chokes on his own breath, and in his momentary loss of concentration,...

He’s falling.

------------------------*

aaannnnd that’s as far as I want to go with that.  Imagine the rest of the team arriving in time to notice Toneri making his escape toward the sky, and I guess the rest of the story would sort of follow the rest of The Last...Naruto self-reflects a lot in a bundle of depression for a long time and yeah.

...ahhh...  I encourage you to write the fic you want to see in the world ❤️

[jonathanrook]

5, 14, 15, 21, 28, 34, 48, 52, 64, 70, 84, 93

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? i don't really drink a lot of soda, lol, but i basically don't mind one way or another when it comes to other beverages.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? either sour patch kids or cherry twizzlers (the kind you peel)

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? idk if it counts bc it's a play and i also read it in college and i assume this ask means high school or earlier but rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. very good no one else in my class liked it but ig everyone at my school just has terrible taste then. funnily enough i couldn't stand a single actual shakespeare play i had to read oof.

21. obsession from childhood? in what category and from what age. okay actually look at every interest i have now, and remove the ones that came out after 2014. that. that's my childhood obsession. like, furbys. webkinz. teen titans. scooby doo. monsters. stuffed animals. i used to film like. everything on a shitty little camcorder and then edit like. Vlogs. back when i was eight ahah.

28. five songs to describe you? *opens up my richie tozier playlist* okay gimme a sec okay but actually i've thought about this so here's a much longer answer then you want: a) i know like. intellectually that soft fuzzy man by lemon demon is a satire about like. bRoOdInG men who are actually just assholes but the description of the titular 'soft fuzzy man' is. in fact. my gender. i'm a trick of the light to love you tonight. b) idk if the next few describe me or like really specific moments of my life but as much as it slaps if you're too shy (let me know) by the 1975 is a song that low key gives me actual anxiety bc. been there. that second verse socked me in the face and stole all my money. c) not to be an ~indie sad girl~ on main but townie by mitski okay that's all. another song where the second verse and just the second verse came for my throat and left no survivors. d) i'm going to be white and a tiktok user again but prom dress by mxmtoon is another one that's like. okay besties who wanted to die after prom gang rise up? e) there's something happening by jack stauber is also gender.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? not an accurate answer to the question bc i don't perceive advertisements but just remembered when i read this that one commercial from when i was a kid for geico w the money w eyes. that's it i'm gonna have somebody's watching me stuck in my head now that's for sure.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? a raspberry or cherry. something small red and tart.

52. favorite font? roboto or courier/courier new! very basic ik but i literally used roboto in like. every typography project i had to do in college. also an unironic comic sans fan fight me but it's not my favorite i just wanted to publicly humiliate myself. look it's cute it's just overused and misused.

64. favorite website from your childhood? well webkinz obvs but also! the g3 mlp site had some baller games i think about all the time. also a site i can't remember the name of but it was like a fashion game where you designed all the clothes but they were like. photos of real clothes that you put stamps on and then you could create a boutique to show them off and buy/sell clothes from other boutiques. every boutique had a logo that you designed yourself and mine was a little devil skull w a crown and i was so proud of that. there were other makeover mini games but it shut down when i was in middle school and i cried over it.

70. left or right handed? exclusively right handed my left hand is tragically inept. my mom's left handed tho but you didn't ask that.

84. podcasts or talk radio? neither i've never listened to a podcast or the radio in my life. i watched the sweet boys podcast for a while but got bored of it but i physically can't pay attention to audio w/o visuals. i've considered listening to jack and erin's podcast just bc i love them but i think it might also kill me.

93. nicknames? no i hate them. when i was in high school my friends and i had this elaborate inside joke where we all had code names but they were like our alter egos and sometimes one of my friends would call me by my code name like randomly in conversation and it made me want to strangle her every time. fuck nicknames all my homies hate nicknames.

[ofpaperhearts]

▷  currently  playing  ——  THE FAÇADE  a playlist for Elliot King. n. a false appearance that makes someone or something seem more pleasant or better than they really are.

!! anxiety & depression tw throughout playlist !!

obnoxiously long tracklist & descriptions that may or may not make sense under the cut!

▷  currently  playing  ——  TWO  by  SLEEPING AT LAST.

it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath // you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest // i know exactly how the rule goes: // put my mask on first // no, i don’t want to talk about myself // tell me where it hurts // i just want to build you up, build you up // ‘til you’re good as new // and maybe one day i’ll get around to fixing myself too

Okay, so there’s not a doubt in my mind that Elliot’s an enneagram type two, which is what this song is all about. The entire song really captures how he wants to take care of others and give his love to them, and then if there happens to be anything left, he’ll take care of himself, but it’s not a priority.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BEAUTIFUL LIGHT  by  UPPERMOST.

I don’t fully know how to describe it, but this song just makes me feel upbeat and hopeful and I feel like those are the types of vibes that Elliot tries to put out into the world. This is a song that works very well for him when simply looking at him on the surface level.

▷  currently  playing  ——  I JUST WANNA SHINE  by  THE FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS.

so don’t give me dark days, i already had those // i’m just trying to figure out how to be myself right now // i don’t wanna lay low, hiding in the shadows // so i wake up, i get out of bed // stay up, stay out of my head

This song is probably more how Elliot perceives himself. Like despite having his own stresses and hardships, he still strives to make the most of his life and keep up and optimistic view.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MESS IS MINE  by  VANCE JOY.

bring me to your house // tell me, “sorry for the mess”, hey i don’t mind // you’re talking in your sleep, out of time // well, you still make sense to me, your mess is mine

This song just goes back to how he wants to give an receive love by taking care of others.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PLEASER  by  WALLOWS.

indecisive feelings of enjoyment // hold the thought, i think i need a moment // i’m aware there’s somethin’ i should tell you // but my voice annoys me // bite my tongue off with a smile // i can’t feel it anymore // ‘cause recently the line is blurred // between depression and bliss

This whole song is basically about being a people pleaser (which Elliot is to an unhealthy degree) and struggling to figure out to please someone (which is something that would cause Elliot a great deal of distress to be perfectly honest).

▷  currently  playing  ——  OH KLAHOMA  by  JACK STAUBER.

tears falling down at the party // saddest little baby in the room // fears, tell me fears, don’t get me started // i get a little grey hair for every scare you share

Honestly, Elliot could be either person in this song. For the most part Elliot would see himself as the person in this song that’s trying to console the other (possibly at the expense of their own mental health), but he could just as easily be the other person if he actually asked for help/comfort whenever he’s going through something.

▷  currently  playing  ——  HARD TIMES  by  PARAMORE.

all that i want // is to wake up fine // tell me that i’m alright // that i ain’t gonna die

Upbeat songs with sad lyrics just have an Elliot vibe to them. I think songs like this reflect that happy/put together front he puts on for everyone, even when he isn’t doing so great.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FAKE HAPPY  by  PARAMORE.

hey, if i smile with my teeth // bet you believe me // if i smile with my teeth // i think i believe me // oh please, don’t ask me how i’ve been // don’t make me pretend

Same reason Hard Times is on here. The lyrics definitely hammer the part of putting up a front for others home more.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAY LESS SAD  by  AJR.

i’m a-okay, i’m a-okay // you say it but you just don’t mean it

I think the mix of putting up a front and trying to remain optimistic even in life’s harder moments just fits Elliot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WONDERFUL LIFE  by  SMITH & BURROWS.

you know it feels unfair // there’s magic everywhere // look at me standing // here on my own again // up straight in the sunshine // no need to run and hide // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life // no need to laugh and cry // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life

There’s something about the softness of this song that just gives me Elliot vibes. But I think beyond that, it’s the mix of optimistic and pained lyrics that make me think of Elliot whenever I hear this song.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BLUE KNUCKLE  by  NIGHT BEDS.

i’ve been working like a surgeon // on some courage // lift my burden // i’ve been hurting // have you heard it

I just feel like the bits of this song that I relate to him scream, all the self-sacrificing I constantly do doesn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, but I’m not entirely sure how to change that without some help.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FREAKIN’ OUT ON THE INTERSTATE  by  BRISTON MARONEY.

i’m sorry i haven’t been myself // and something’s got me down // what it is, i cannot tell

1. He’s so concerned with others that I don’t think he necessarily knows how to pinpoint why something would bother him. 2. High anxiety hours.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FALSE CONFIDENCE  by  NOAH KAHAN.

and i wonder why i tear myself down to be built back up again // oh, i hope somehow, i’ll wake up young again // all that’s left of myself, holes in my false confidence

Themes of being hypercritical of oneself and insecurity which is something Elliot struggles a lot with under his surface level happiness.

▷  currently  playing  ——  COLD LOVE  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

and if i cry in your arms // just some other shit, just some other shit // just some other things that i’ve been dealing with // i’d die in your arms, bury me while playing this // bury me saying “you were all i ever needed” // and hold me like we’re dying from liquor that we drank // in hotel rooms, to feel warm in cold love

Originally, I only wanted to include this song for the first part of the lyrics I put here because it’s the same dismissive attitude Elliot has when it comes to taking care of himself. But the more I thought about it, I think Elliot is the type of person to find himself in doomed relationships because the give and take is never equal resulting in ‘dying/cold’ loves.

▷  currently  playing  ——  ALMOST HOME  by  MXMTOON.

i was just a kid // dreams were looking big and then i had to grow up // no one ever says // all the love you give might not be enough // broke my heart in two a couple times // before it hurt too much // i was such fool

I feel like Elliot was a relatively carefree child before becoming increasingly more and more concerned with how others saw him and feel like that’s kind of reflected in this song? Like growing is usually very different from how one imagines it when they’re a kid.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MELODY X  by  BONAPARTE.

you keep the light on // you keep the light on // you keep the night light on // hold your broken dream up high // oh, you know you try // oh, you know you try // it’s the worst case scenario lullaby // something’s gotta change (something’s gotta change)

Another song acknowledging how hecking hard life is and trying to remain hopeful in spite of it with a hint of being aware that something needs to change in Elliot’s life for him to really be happy.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NO ID  by  ANDREW APPLEPIE.

and suddenly you realize // that everything you’d ever told yourself were lies // and believe me i can sympathize // cause everything i ever thought i was made me cry

Overall, this song is about self-acceptance and growth, which is something Elliot is still working on. And it’s more so on here as Elliot being the person the singer is watching struggle with these things.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PRETENDER - ACOUSTIC  by  AJR.

i’m a good pretender // won’t you come see my show? // i got lots of problems // well, good thing nobody knows // oh, i’m insecure, i’m insecure // i think i like what i’m supposed to // like what i’m supposed to

Back on that putting up a front for everyone else because he thinks that’s for the better/expected of him bs!

▷  currently  playing  ——  BRAIN, BRAIN, GO AWAY  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

through the night my mind is racing // my inner voice and i debating // on everything i should be changing // can’t decide so i keep maintaining // i gotta contain my overactive mind

This song is on here because big anxiety hours and how truly exhausting it is to deal with.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MIND IS A PRISON  by  ALEC BENJAMIN.

sometimes, i think too much, yeah, i get so caught up // i’m always stuck in my head // i wish i could escape, i tried to yesterday alone with my thoughts again // guess my mind is a prison and i’m never gonna get out

Same exact reason why Brain, Brain, Go Away is on his playlist.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NUMB  by  MARINA.

i can’t open up and cry //  ‘cause i’ve been silent all my life // i feel numb most of the time // lower i get, higher // i’ll climb, and i will wonder why // i got dark only to // shine, looking for the golden light // oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice

One of the main reasons this song is included is because of a comment made on the lyric ‘oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice’ and how in this song it seems to imply sacrificing one’s well-being to impress others is fine and if that’s not Elliot’s biggest mood than I don’t know what is. But in addition to that, a lot of the other lyrics touch on internal struggles he deals with and trying to overcome them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NOBODY  by  MITSKI.

and i don’t want your pity // i just want somebody near me // guess i’m a coward // i just want to feel alright // and i know no one will save me

1. This is the type of song that sounds like “ooooo fun” but then you listen to the lyrics and it’s like “BOOM SADNESS” which is kind of Elliot’s song aesthetic if that makes sense? 2. Despite having people in his life that he’s close to, life can still feel very isolating when he’s not open about everything he has going on. 3. This song is an enneagram type two’s biggest fear so it just makes sense being here.

▷  currently  playing  ——  IT’S CALLED: FREEFALL  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

called to the devil and the devil said, “hey! why you been calling so late? it’s like 2am and the bars all close at 10 in hell, that’s a rule i made” // anyway, you say you’re too busy saving everybody else to save yourself // and you don’t want no help, oh well

More on the idea that life can be very isolating when you struggle in silence and Elliot’s “gotta help everyone else over myself” mentality.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MINDLESS BLISS  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

always staying up to the sunrise // i can barely close my eyes // all i’m looking for is a good night // just for one night, just for one night // but i am wide awake, surviving day to day // i’m half alive in my own way // and i’m struggling with all the carrying

More big themes of anxiety and struggling with it.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAVES  by  DEAN LEWIS.

and it takes control of the person that i thought i was // the boy i used to know // but there is a light in the dark // and i feel it’s warmth // in my heart, in my hands // but why can’t i hold on?

Life’s always changing for better or worse and growing up you can think life is going to be one way just for it to be something completely different and I think Elliot can relate to that sentiment a lot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  KEEP  by  MOTHER MOTHER.

i write it down, but to read it doesn’t work // take it to town, but to be seen doesn’t work // smack it around, but that only make it worse // i make it worse // i meditate for a day, but it doesn’t help // get down and pray, i gotta say, what a living hell // i could escape but i know that all too well // it doesn’t help

Wanting to cope with things, but struggling to do so in a way that works which is a big Elliot mood.

▷  currently  playing  ——  DON’T WORRY, YOU WILL  by  LOVELYTHEBAND.

trying to stay positive // not an easy way to live // laugh right through the pain // she said i can’t find a thing i don’t like about you // and i’m like don’t worry, you will

More themes of being hypercritical of oneself, silently struggling, and putting up a charade to get others to like you or to please them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  GOODBYE  by  BO BURNHAM.

am i right back where i started fourteen years ago? // wanna guess the ending? if it ever does // i swear to god that all i’ve ever wanted was // a little bit of everything all of the time well, well, look who’s inside again // went out to look for a reason to hide again // well, well, buddy, you found it

Full disclosure, I only know this song from TikTok. But anyway! I just felt like the lyrics in the last bit of the song were super fitting: the fear of being back right back where he started before he got a little better at putting himself first, struggling to balance everything he wants/needs, dismissing his problems in favor or something lighthearted like a joke, looking for reasons to keep things to himself, etc.

[glimmerglanger]

(public is fine) I know Dal-Voe can probably tell the difference between the clones via the Force but I can't help but think of those 'baby confused by dad and his identitical twin' videos.

:DDDDD She does, but I love this idea to. The idea of the entire bridge crew visiting her at once and leaving her like ????? would be delightful. 

Anonymous said:

Your explanation for Obi-Wan and Dal-Voe’s names are so adorable! It’s now an official headcanon of mine and I’m gonna hold it next to my heart.

:D I’m glad!

Anonymous said:

RIGHT SO WHATS IT GONNA TAKE TO GET YOU TO RELEASE CHAPTER 9 SOONER??!!? QUITE HONESTLY THERE IS VERY LITTLE I WONT DO BECAUSE MY HEART CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

AHA I have been very tempted, but we’re sooooo close. So very close! 

Anonymous said:

mitski’s pink in the night has BIG slo!codywan vibes and ive made myself sad all over again just thinking about it

OOOOH, I’m listening to it right now, and yeah. Especially the ending re: trying the kissing again.

Anonymous said:

after all that heartbreak in chapter 8, if this doesn’t end with a codywan pregnancy i’ll be demanding an encore. also, i think the padme pov will be such an interesting thing to explore. the qui gon pov was very well done and i can’t wait for all the snippets!

zippermouth.png I could definitely swing a Padme POV. She’s got a WHOLE lot to say.

Anonymous said:

I don’t know if this has already been asked but do you think you’d be interested in doing a piece from Anakin’s point of view? I can’t even imagine what he’s trying to juggle inside his head. I mean, I’m not happy with his behaviour, but I’m so intrigued in trying to figure out what on earth his thought process is like, having a secret marriage while being in one-sided love with your Master whom you have a child with, all while a disguised Sith Lord is whispering in his ear?

I don’t think I’ve had a specific request for Anakin yet, actually. I’d love to dive into his tangled head. He’s got a lot going on, and so much of it is in tangles thanks to our good friend, Palpatine. (And some of it is just Him).

Anonymous said:

This is going to be kind of an odd request but I’ve been crying big heaving sobs over Ch 8 and I just really want to see a fic where Obi-Wan just lets it ALL out, lets himself cry (preferably in Cody’s arms)? I think it would be very cathartic. I feel like I’ve been doing all the crying/feeling all the emotions for him because he won’t allow himself to. Mostly I just want him to recover and let go of old pains in a healthy way, so if you’d prefer something more like therapy, I’d love that too!

He is hurting a whole damn lot. And generally barely notices it when he does cry. (Though Cody, at least, does, and attempts to offer aid). He really needs to get back to the mind healers, if the war would just.... relent for two seconds. I shall see what I can do! :D

[rainydawgradioblog]

a covidsation with mary claire

For the first Covidsation for autumn quarter, here is an interview I did back in May with Mary Claire, my dear friend and one of my favorite local artists. Mary Claire is a singer-songwriter based here in Seattle who makes “sad girl rock” (see: Mitski, Angel Olsen, etc.). I first met them through the DIY scene and was lucky enough to book them at the finale Red Room show, a house venue I used to live at and help run. As evidenced by the picture below taken that very night, seeing Mary Claire play live is a magical, mesmerizing, captivating experience. Often accompanied with minimal, but tonally-rich instrumentals, their powerful and hauntingly stunning voice paired with visceral, poetic lyrics transport you into another realm. I *highly* recommend listening to their album Phantom Limb, which you can find on your streaming platform of choice or you can snag a physical copy at Everyday Music on the Hill like I did! Last month, they also just released an incredible stop-motion music video for their song off PL called “I Don’t Like Drinking”, directed, edited, and animated by Barb Hoffman, which you can find here! Thank you Mary Claire for these thoughtful responses and for creating such vulnerable, beautiful art <3

Lola Gil: Tell me about your project. How has it evolved? Which artists are you most inspired by? How would you describe your sound?

Mary Claire: Hi hi I’m Mary Claire. I was never someone who was playing music since they were a little kiddo, it was something I picked up my senior year of high school. But pretty much everyone in my family has some amazing and weirdly specific aptitude for music, so I think being surrounded by that kind of allowed me to gather an eclectic, personal understanding, appreciation, and internalized feeling for music, so I never really took lessons or anything like that. I enjoyed and still enjoy that from the start, I was okay with the fact that I didn’t know “academic” theory and I just played with what feels and sounds right. And I still do that. So I played around with all those youthful punk feelings and had an angsty band in high school that was not bad for small town Sacramento. I think I learned so much from that and it gave me a flood of unhindered and unhinged confidence for recording, performing, maneuvering stage mechanics and technicalities, etc. Also it introduced me into the world of songwriting that I did for that band and for myself that just immediately poured out of me, which led me to what I’m doing now. I am extremely lyrically-focused and write mostly about lived personal experience that I surrender to and make extremely overly-wordy. I went from a solo act, to a bigger full piece crunchier band, to me and a piano player, back to a solo set, so I’m really just kind of evolving with my resources, the songs I’m currently living in and playing, and with what would bring everything to life most fully. 

I’m inspired by everyone, even if I don’t necessarily sound like them or listen to them all the time. Like, my adoration for incredibly angry punk music is what got me started in the creation of my own music, so that foundation will never leave me. Even though I won’t sound like IDLES or Shame or Pissed Jeans, their point of view and their devotion to cramming so many words into one breath is a place I also come from. We execute similar feelings in different ways. And though I currently am not anything like Yves Tumor, King Krule, or FKA Twigs, the layers in their stuff sends me so far. But I think lyrically and melodically, I pull inspiration from and sink most into Mitski, Sasami, Angel Olsen, Palehound, Big Thief, Bella Porter, Darci Phenix, Fiona Apple, Sufjan Stevens, Izumi, and Weyes Blood. 

Someone once said my tunes are “sad girl rock” and I think that sticks in a fun, quick way, so that’s what I tell people. But more recently, the stuff on my upcoming album I think is like a sad, fucked up, incredibly fast-paced nursery rhyme book (lol). I’m really excited for this album I wrote, more than anything ever. Also my good friend and twin flame Francis is helping me record it and is giving me a lot of knowledge and challenges and affirmations and inspiration. I owe a lot of this second album’s production and complexity him. There are a lot more people involved in the recording of this one, so it’s a lot fuller in a new and exciting and scary way.

LG: As an artist, how have you been affected by the pandemic? I saw most of your tour you had booked was unfortunately cancelled-- are you planning on rescheduling?

MC: Rescheduling feels so completely beyond me right now, so I am just considering it to be cancelled until things in the world really start to settle down to some degree of safety and responsibility. However, the silver lining in all of this ‘rona stuff is that it has given me a ton of time to recenter myself with my music and devote my own energy into recording and feeling the core of my upcoming album. I think when the world is moving so fast, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m behind, like other people are getting shit done faster and in a more “impressive way”, in a way that matters more or has more inherent value. So when we are all forced to stay at home with ourselves, not only does it remind me that all of those insecurities are completely not real and are in fact a delusion borne from a capitalistic-productivity-equals-artistic-worth-framework, but I also get time to actually enjoy and fine tune what I otherwise might have just thrown out into the ether desperately and prematurely in hopes to be current and up to date and ~with it~.

LG: Have you been working on writing any new tunes? Have you been involved in any other creative projects recently?

MC: When I was recording Phantom Limb, I wrote the majority of my next upcoming album, so while those songs don’t feel incredibly new, there is a ton of stuff I have yet to share and that I am so eager to scream to the world. It feels like some of the stuff I am most proud of making in my entire life. 

But since I left for Berlin to study abroad last fall to when I came back to Seattle this January, I really hadn’t written anything new. I think I had been going through a lot of personal and immense change and hard growth that wasn’t particularly inspiring, it just sucked and was intense and necessary, but sometimes all that bad stuff is not something you can just make art out of. Plus I had to just do something totally different and invest and surrender to techno and being a gross city Eurotrash gremlin and let that out cathartically. But recently, I wrote my first super new song in what feels like ages, and I’m so happy. I was afraid maybe I’d forgotten how to do it, but it’s pouring out of me again and I feel like me again. I have also been working a bit back and forth with a friend from the project World Peace. We just keep sending clips back and forth and weaving our separate projects together a bit, which is something I’ve never done and I’m having a ton of fun, especially because our music is so different. Besides that, I have some plans to work with another good friend Izumi after having adored them the moment I moved here. 

LG: How have you personally been dealing with the pandemic and the craziness that is 2020? What has your quarantine experience been like so far?

MC: I went home to Sacramento for a month and watched more TV than I had probably in my entire life. It was really good to see my family and siblings who I miss so much. But I came back to Seattle in April and since then have just been spending my days in a limbo of online school weirdness. But I’m so fortunate that I live with so many people who are all so unique, all of whom I feel are my best friends. So I definitely don’t get too bored:)

LG: What music have you been listening to during quarantine? What has been your go-to isolation album?

MC: Okay to be honest, when I begin to think of my next album and what it feels like inside of me, I make one single playlist with like hours and hours of songs on it and it’s the only thing I listen to for like a year. So I’m prone to listening to the same stuff perpetually forever and always, but I think I’ve always sort of been like that. It makes the feeling familiar. But since I’ve felt close to the sounds of my upcoming album for a long while now, I’ve actually pretty much been listening to what is my ~album 3~ inspo playlist, because I already feel that beast growing inside of me. I’m a planner. 

Most of the artists on those playlists are the ones I listed above in regards to who I feel are my biggest inspirations. But right when quarantine started though I would pretty much only play Man Alive!, I would just go through the whole thing and then restart immediately. When I was in Sacramento, my family had a rule I could only play it with headphones because it was literally nonstop, that’s just how I consume things; I take a bath in them until I feel every single part of what was made. But other than that, I’ve been bumping Peter Campanelli’s Pesto Baby and crying a lot about it, Darci Phenix’s (my best bud from Sac) Juniper Street which is some of the best songwriting literally ever, and Francis Farmer’s Bruised Fruit which is SO expertly recorded and thought out, I am so lucky he is my friend and wants to record my upcoming album with me.

LG: Arethere any spring shows that you were particularly looking forward to attending that got cancelled?

MC: Pretty much all of them imaginable. 

LG: How do you think the Seattle music scene is going to be like post-COVID?

MC: Hopefully, this can recenter us and remind us we’re all really really and truly in this together. It’s up to us to lift each other up and get each other on bills and spread the word and create community for those who need it most and for those whose lives rely on this art. Seattle seems like it is really good at that on a small scale, but once it gets to a little bit larger stage, it’s easy for people to forget where they came from, who supported them, and what should be at the forefront of our radars. I think shedding this cool guy persona and getting back to why this shit is so important and listening to/PROMOTING smaller artists who are making The Best stuff is something everyone could be reminded to do. 

LG: In this funky era of social distancing, how do you think artists can support each other during these weird and difficult times? How do you think social media is facilitating and/or inhibiting connection within Seattle’s overall creative community?

MC: I think people’s ability to make what seemed like such an immediate switch to social media music promotion and shows was really amazing. However, it makes me feel a bit hopeless and dystopian and sci-fi in a weird way. That being said, trying to resist the change has only proven to be detrimental to me and kind has come back to kick me in the ass. Like, I should not be turning down opportunities just because livestreams kind of freak me out in how foreign and disconnected they can appear to be. I’m no better than them, and it’s important I think to accept things where they’re at instead of pretending they’re not happening. 

That being said, I think everyone has been maneuvering with such grace and empathy and compassion for others in a way that I can really feel, and I hope that sticks around forever. 

- Lola Gil

[epahetero]

thank you for the tag @thisdamnfoolofalesbian ! sorry it took me so long to answer to this fghdsjfdsfl

1. what’s the colour of your hairbrush?

- two are black and one is pink

2. is there a food you never eat?

- i mean out of the foods i can choose to eat or not, its rice porridge

3. are u usually too warm or too cold?

- too warm (i get overheated really easily, so my room is always so cold that people just call it the freezer)

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

- playing guitar!

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

- snickers probaply!

6. have u ever been to a professional sporting event?

- nope

7. what was the last thing you said out loud?

- “Whats up rat” to my sister

8. favourite ice cream

- salty caramel or salmiac

9. what was the last thing you had to drink

- zero coke

10. do u like your wallet? 

- yes though i use it rarely! (its a cute small red fake leather one but i have a bad habit of using my phone case as my wallet)

11. what was the last thing u ate? 

- a sushi roll!

12. did u buy any clothes last weekend? 

- nope

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched?

- oh man i watch sports so rarely, i think it was a hockey game last winter

14. favourite flavour of popcorn?

- butter and salt (basic i know i know)

15. last person you sent a text to?

- my best friend Daniel

16. ever go camping?

- yeah, haven’t in a while though!

17. do you take vitamins?

- i try to lol

18. do you go to church on sundays

- nope (i do like to visit churches when travelling if they’re old ones but other than that i only go when i have to)

19. do you have a tan

- i literally reflect light, if i step outside in the sun without a shade i will probably turn to ash within 5 minutes

20. chinese food or pizza?

- that’s like asking which of my cats i love the most

21. do u drink pop with a straw 

- nope (i do use silly straws when drunk sometimes but only to drink wine lmao)

22. what colour socks do you usually wear

- either plain black or red ones with fried eggs shaped like hearts (this made me realize i have a whole lot of socks with food images on them???)

23. ever drive above the speed limit

- for legal reasons no officer (only when driving a moped in places with little to no other drivers)

24. what terrifies you

- driving a car, loss of loved one and spiders

25. look to your left; what do u see?

- a moomin mug (a pink one with snork maiden putting on some make up)

26. what chore do u hate?

- washing the floor and windows (i have 4 cats who love licking all floors and windows + smacking their paws on em)

27. what do u think of when you hear an australian accent?

- a cute barista girl i met when she was an exchange student here (she didnt work at a coffee store here but always had coffee with her)

28. favourite pop? 

- zero coke, cherry coke (ja muumi limppari!)

29. do u go into fast food places or hit up the drive thru

- usually in if there is one of those self order things, otherwise drive through (when you and your whole friend group is anxious to talk to restaurant workers)

30. last person u talked to 

- my sister

31. favourite cut of beef 

- rarely eat beef but i think ground beef is the one usually have

32. last song you listened to?

- Washing machine heart by mitski

33. last book u read?

- Useless magic by Florence welch

34. favourite day of the week?

- saturday

35. can u say the alphabet backwards

- i have like 3 brain cells so no

36. how do u like ur coffee

- black with bit of honey in it or one of those caramel bitches no idea what they’re called

37. favourite pair of shoes

- basic black combat boots

38. what time do u usually go to bed?

- oh man, it changes so much, either at 8pm, 3am, 6am, 12pm....

39. when do u get up?

- again, changes so much, usually around midday or midnight

40. sunrises or sunsets

- i love both but sunsets take the win

41. how many blankets are on your bed

- one blanket and two fleece blankets

42. describe your kitchen plates

- i think the only set i own myself is dark blue (i mostly own mugs since i still live home lmao)

43. go to alcoholic drink?

- white wine if im just at home, when out its either dark ice smirnoff or vodka with redbull 

44. do u play cards?

- nope, really want to real though

45. what colour is your car?

- nonexisting!

46. can you change a tire?

- no

47. favourite province?

- if out of the ones in finland probably the southern areas

48. favourite job you ever had?

- i loved and hated working at an elders home, i mostly spent time keeping company for the old ladies and shaving beards, cleaning around etc, but it also was really sad being there

49. how did you get your biggest scar?

- i don’t have any like Big big scars but i have few on my forehead from being stubborn as a kid and hitting my face on a cliff (i wanted to walk myself even tho i was a wobbly baby, ripped my hand from my mom and fell on my face, even like 15 years after that i still have few scars on my forehead and eyebrows lmao)

50. what did you do today that made someone happy?

- i joked around with my sister wich cheered her up

i’m gonna tag @yourantagonist and @viir-tanadhal @bblissfulgay because you were the first to pop up lmao