#Listen if someone expressing their own sexuality in a healthy manner makes you think they are not deserving of respect then please fuck off

[bisexual-horror-fan]

I abandoned sexual shame and judgment so fucking long ago that I legit forget sometimes that people still have hang-ups like that and then on occasion it smacks me in the face very painfully when I remember that oh yeah some people will flat out not respect you if you express yourself in an overly sexual manner and treat you like you are less than human/just for their entertainment/to get their rocks off and that is just such a wild and shitty thing to one, experience, and two, to do to someone.

[aryana-thefairy]

Astrology observations Part-2 🦋

🦋Capricorn sun / Capricorn rising, Virgo sun / Virgo rising are the real fashionistas of astrology. They are classic, timeless, effortless elegance. They might like light and dark academia, of course, old money aesthetic. The earth signs always look put together.

🦋The gaze of the Scorpio moon is intense, hypnotic and haunting. My god they see through you, they are human lie detectors. Trust me, they know when you are lying, they are just playing along. They constantly test their friends to check their loyalty.

🦋The rebellious Lilith is subtle in earth and water signs and intense in fire and air signs. A Virgo Lilith in the first house may like to flaunt her sexuality but also struggles to keep her image pristine and clean in front of others.

🦋Lilith in 2H is obsessed with their money and has the finest luxurious taste. They might struggle with eating too much or too little. Self-image can be a little foggy. Lilith in 1H has a sexy body and Lilith in 2H has a sexy face.

🦋Pluto in 12H gets visions and constant deja vu. If someone with Pluto in 12h tells me that I should be careful and that she saw me in her dreams. I would listen to her.

🦋Men with Libra moon are proper gentleman. Their manners and etiquette is on point. The way they express themselves is mature and precise. They are real crowd pleaser. Very well groomed.

🦋I believe Leo moon is a great indicator of fame. Because their innate desire is admiration and recognition. I kid you not, so many celebrities who are worldwide famous have Leo Moon. They can also be great writers and poets because they have the ability to express their deepest darkest feelings and turn them into art that others love.

🦋0 degree placement in your natal chart is powerful, It means you are the master of your own destiny and you write your own story. 0 degree Jupiter means you can decide how to create your own fortune.

🦋Neptune in 11H is so adorable. People are magnetised by them. They are the type of friend who frequently disappears and reappears but are always there for you when you need them.

🦋Cancer Rising has the potential to become chef.

🦋Scorpio or Aries Mars is a great indication of raw sex appeal. I feel this is pretty self-explanatory. Scorpio mars has that magnetic mystery and Aries mars are pretty dominant and fearless.

🦋 18-degree placement in your Sun is of great controversy. The reason is that some astrologers would say this is a hard placement because this indicates hardships in early life, Karma. Others would say this indicates immense power to get what they want and strong willpower. I think both are true statements. They face hardships in the early part of their life and they truly shine in the later part of their life.

🦋Venus in 8H may attract doomed relationships. They also attract partners who cheat on them. They derive happiness from their love life. Lots of emotional turmoil. But I have also seen people with this aspect who are in a happy and healthy relationship. They had a past of shitty relationships. These natives are seductive and sensual and hardly single. Maybe being single for a while would help them to understand people. They too are interested in the occult. Highly creative.

🦋Venus square ascendant are so attractive but they don’t see themselves as attractive. It's like they are unaware of their beauty. May lack confidence but I believe confidence is something that can be built with practice. Squares aren’t all bad. It leads you to sexual appeal.

🦋Venus conjuncts both Mars and Mercury. We get it. You have it all. Beauty + Brains + Charisma. The only reason people don’t like them is because they are jealous duh. These natives are a bit cocky. After all, they are the whole package.

🦋Jupiter in 5H can find success and make a fortune as writers. Highly creative. Communication skills are amazing. Harness your talent.

Disclaimer: Take what resonates with you. Personal observations are biased.

[asterjennifer]

I'd like to talk about not wanting children.

A topic that really isn't spoken about enough, to the point it's hard to imagine I'm not alone with that mindset.

People always tell you, especially when you have a partner, that "in my age" ( 21) they didn't want them either. And that it'll come with the ages.

But I mean it when I say it. It's not just the typical "not right now at least" or "Nah not really interested" type of thing.

It's an actual fear for me.

I fear pregnancy the same way I also fear sexual assault, that is the same panic that spreads through my chest when only thinking about these things.

I don't know where that expressive fear comes from — might be trauma, might be personal priorities. All I know is that the mere thought makes me consider (rather want even though I'm not sure I could) I'll get rid of my life.

My reasons are something I've been discussing with my boyfriend before.

Worrying, since he'd like some maybe, at least one day, that he'll leave me because I don't.

So he asked me about it.

I have my reasons.

As a slim and thin girl, I've had to get the premature birth needles even though I was born at the right time.

I'm fragile to the point I don't believe my body could handle this kind of task in a healthy manner.

And if I lose my life, or my health for another person... Will I be able to enjoy parenting when knowing they either ruined my own life, or ruin that of the people around in case I would die?

The world is becoming expensive where someone like me, someone from a more poor background, thinks about children twice.

Children are unbelievably expensive.

And I want to persuade my career instead of a family.

I want to make a good living. Provide for my mother when she is older without worrying about a child.

I wish to have my own place, animals and make lots of travels with my saved money.

Persuade a career I love and live my life for myself.

The earth sadly gets destroyed and the aftermath of global warming already settles in today.

How could I not feel selfish knowing that these conditions will get worse from here on out, yet think I want my child to grow up in a climate disaster affecting their lives in every way.

How do I know I'll be a good mother? The thought of growing an human being is a lot of responsibility I don't trust myself with.

I have a little brother, and I'm neglecting him already. Depsite me loving him.

So how do I know for a fact it won't happen to my own child?

If I'd be a mother, I want to be a good one. But if I cannot trust myself to do it, then why shouldn't I listen to my intuition.

We talked about these. And he had points, too.

Adoption is something he brought up and I feel already much more okay with that.

We're overpopulated and so many poor children, who are not to blame for their fate, seek a good home. I understand that.

We talked about the raising part. How he says I'd be a good mother and he would give his all to be a good father.

He wants to be someone who has a well-payed job. He doesn't think I'd have to worry about these.

But how do you know the future? And for a fact this will be the case?

He agreed to some of my points, as I understood that he's right in some as well.

It scares me to think I'll be judged by people for deciding this.

But he respects it.

“What if one day, you want them so badly you leave me...?”

I asked him one evening. And he replied softly.

“I can't calm your fear in that regard as I don't know what will happen in the future... But right now we are going the same path. All I want is to be happy with you.”

Was his reply.

To all women out there:

If you don't want children and have your reasons, don't think you're alone.

Although we always see happy family's on the internet, and that often being portrayed as the goal in life — it doesn't have to be yours too.

Don't give up on your decision for someone else. And don't let people talk you into guilt.

You have nothing to but guilty of.

The only people who are guilty are the ones bringing bias into the world and who make their children miserable.

[bigstripeylie]

Ghosts theory- “sucked off” edition

Apologies for the title.

I have a theory about how each of the ghosts in Ghosts has a parallel with another Ghost and how this could be the key to them finally being able to move on, or “be sucked off’ as Mary would say.

Putting it behind a cut as this is extremely long and rambly. Spoilers for pretty much every episode of Ghosts

First of all I was listening to Mat and Jim on the Empire Spoilers podcast and Mat said something really interesting about how he intended “you stays how you dies” to refer to the ghost’s mental and emotional state, as well as physical. So Thomas always being obsessed with seeking love is because he died broken-hearted and Fanny always being so grumpy is because she died angry at her husband. 

I believe, therefore, that if the ghosts were able to overcome each of their emotional blocks that would be the thing that would allow them to move on. Furthermore, each of the ghosts has another ghost that seems perfectly suited to be able to assist them in that.

Let’s go through them:

Thomas- Thomas died believing his love never loved him back and now is forced to spend eternity seeking for love as a ghost. If Thomas was able to find someone who could reciprocate his affections, this would the resolve that issue. In the Series 2 episode “About Last Night” when Alison drunkenly tells Thomas “if you were alive and I was 200 years older, then we might have…” we hear a choir start singing and Thomas is pulled, as if compelled, through the wall, similar to how Fanny is pulled forwards towards the window to jump when she “doesn’t even realise [she’s] doing it.” Thomas desperately craves love and affection from another person, but in life was constantly rejected by the people he loved most. You know who else that sounds like? Kitty.

Kitty- Like Thomas, she is from a wealthy family who sheltered her a lot growing up, but is ultimately good and tries to be honourable. Kitty also craves love and affection as well as companionship and she tries to seek it, first in Eleanor and then in Alison (because Alison reminds her of  Eleanor, like how Alison reminds Thomas of Isabelle). However it comes up again and again that Kitty’s relationship with Alison isn’t as fulfilling to her as she would like it be because her being a ghost prevents her from sharing every activity with Alison, and Alison cannot show her physical affection. Kitty is trying to recreate aspects of her relationship with Eleanor using Alison as a substitute but this isn’t very healthy for her, as it simply traps her in the constant state of seeking affection that will not or cannot be returned fully. We don’t know the exact circumstances of Kitty’s death but after Series 3, if seems likely that her sister was in some way involved. Maybe what is keeping Kitty trapped as a ghost is her need for approval and love that she never got in life? But by seeking it in people who remind her of Eleanor exclusively, she is further trapping herself.

If Kitty and Thomas could find love with each other, they could each fulfil the other’s need for reciprocated affection. They are both equally needy so this quality wouldn’t likely annoy the other. Kitty seems to genuinely enjoy high romance in earnest and in finding an outlet for her love in Thomas, she could finally move on from her sister. Thomas would also find someone to love him and could devote himself completely to someone who would actually return his love, instead of fruitlessly pursuing women who remind of Isabelle’s rejection. This could lead to the resolution of both character’s finally moving on from their deaths.

Next up, let’s look at The Captain-

The Captain’s central conflict is obviously his sexuality. I believe that the resolution to this conflict would be him finally accepting and coming to terms with being gay and feeling comfortable with that part of his  identity. Which ghost could best help him in this?

Fanny. 

Maybe not the answer you were thinking, but hear me out. The Captain already has a strong positive relationship with Fanny built on mutual respect. He is more likely to value her opinion as an equal that any of the other ghosts and he seems to align himself with her on most issues. Which makes his choice to go against Fanny and defend the same-sex wedding and its guests to her in “Perfect Day” really remarkable.

In “Perfect Day”, Fanny expresses some pretty disapproving remarks about the wedding guest’s attire and some homophobic opinions about the same-sex wedding in general, which prompts the Captain to defend one of the guests to Fanny. “It’s chic, it’s now, and if it makes her feel fabulous…”

Imagine a scene where The Captain has to defend himself towards Fanny in a similar manner after coming out, showing that he is finally accepting of his sexuality as being the right thing for him. 

Anyway, that was a slight digression…

Fanny is still struggling to deal with the circumstances of her own death which was brought about in part because she caught her husband having an affair with other men. Fanny needs to accept and come to terms with the fact that her husband didn’t love her and that while he was obviously wrong for murdering her, she needs to move on so she can stop reenacting it by jumping out the window every morning. Because she died feeling angry and betrayed, she is trapped in that state in death. Discovering that one of her closest friends is gay and realising that it is possible for someone to be both gay and a good person might prompt her to think differently about her own life, as she started do with Humphrey in Perfect Day. 

The Captain, in turn, could be driven by Fanny’s ability to accept his sexuality into thinking ‘if she can accept that part of me, then maybe I can too.’ Personally, out of all the ghosts, I think it could only be Fanny who could prompt him to think that because it would mean the most to him coming from her.

Humphrey- Humphrey died because he was trying to protect Sophie, who rejected any attempt to get to know him and who he believed didn’t even like him. In death he is trapped in a state of being a selfless self-sacrificing people-pleaser and desperately wanting to be included in the other ghost’s activities, even allowing himself be kicked and thrown around if it means he can just be involved. In ‘I Love Lucy’ he even attempts to make a relationship with Fanny work, showing he is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of others.

Julian, by contrast, is the most selfish of all the ghosts at Button House. Deep down he feels guilty that his selfishness negatively affected the relationship with his daughter but seems not to be consciously aware that he feels like this. Julian’s selfishness to not spend time with his family ultimately leads to his death in Button House, as he neglected his family to spend more time at work and was clearly cheating on his wife, showing he is driven by selfish impulses.

If Julian were to perform a completely selfless act to the benefit of Humphrey, then Humphrey would get to feel as though someone was putting him first for once and valuing him the way he seeks to be valued. Julian would also break the pattern of selfish behaviour that caused his downfall.

The rest are little less well-defined:

Pat is the probably the ghost that we know the most about, through seeing his death and actually meeting his family in “Happy Death Day”, to the numerous anecdotes he reveals about his life throughout the show. However, I can’t decide for sure what is the thing that is keeping him a ghost. Pat himself seemed to think it was that he was missing his family, but this was ultimately proved wrong after he saw them again in ‘Happy Death Day’. Even meeting the boy who killed him and forgiving him in ‘Perfect Day’ didn’t cause him to move on. It could be something to do with Carol’s affair with Maurice but I just don’t know for sure. I like the idea of him fitting in with the plague ghosts. I think his personalty and leadership style would get along better with them than say, The Captain, who is too authoritarian. I also think Pat is someone who thrives in a group setting.

Robin and Mary are also tricky to work out what the thing keeping them as ghosts is because we know so little about their lives and deaths compared to the other characters. I think these are the only two ghosts who have not yet received a flashback to their lives. We know that Mary was in some way involved a witch-trail and this has traumatised her. Robin also has experienced a lot of trauma in his life but he seems to be more philosophical about it and accepting of it. He shows great empathy towards others both in trying to comfort Pat about his death in “Happy Death Day’ and Kitty in “About Last Night’, he could use his experience of trauma to help Mary deal with hers. They both seem to be looked down upon and ‘othered’ by the other ghosts due to their perceived lack of intelligence even though they are both very emotionally and socially intelligent.

If anyone has any thoughts about these last two pairings or any of the others, then please reblog and add your take!

I am not in any way saying that I think this is what will happen in the next series or what even I think should happen, but that this is one possibilities for much further down the road when the ghost are all ready to move on.

Also I have spent way too much time thinking about this…

[countessdankula]

Helion and Mor - A study in bisexuality

(Warning - long rambling ahead)

Honestly, this rant has been coming for a long while.

I have been reading discourse on tumblr and instagram about the LGBTQ+ representation in Maasverse (which, admittedly, isn’t as satisfactory as it could be) and one ubiquitous point that I see being raised everywhere is:

“Helion’s representation is biphobic.”

And I am sick of this opinion being pervasive, because while I do believe that problematic portrayal should be addressed, I also understand that in chasing diversity and healthy representation, one often leaves nuance behind. This issue is endemic to the social science and activism field as a whole, and it is way too easy for many to be carried away. 

Here’s a thing about me - I am in law school, and in each and every social science course, I have to study an entire chapter on how nuance and context matters as the line between course material and propaganda is extremely fine.

Keep nuance and context in your minds as I proceed to argue that claiming that Helion’s representation is biphobic does a disservice to bisexuality and Helion’s own character.

The three of them in bed...with him? I must have been blinking like a fool because Rhys said to me, Helion favours both males and females. Usually together in his bed. And has been hounding after that trio for centuries.

(450-451, ACOWAR)

What I take away from this is that Helion is bisexual and likes to have multiple sexual partners at the same time. I could even hazard a guess that he’s polyamorous, however, it is important to remember that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different and interact with each other in multiple ways.

Helion was in a loving relationship with Lucien’s mother, and from what I can infer from the source material, he still feels deeply about her, even if the affair was in the past.

He might have had multiple romantic partners during this period, but the point remains the same:

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are expressed differently, and sometimes, independently of each other.

Case in point:

“No.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “No. I don���t...You see...” I’d never seen her at such a loss for words. She closed her eyes, fingers digging into her skin. “I can’t love him like that.”

“Why?”

“Because I prefer females.”

For a heartbeat, only silence rippled through me. “But -- you sleep with males. You slept with Helion...” And had looked terrible the next day. Tortured and not at all sated.

Not just because of Azriel, but...because it wasn’t what she wanted.

“I do find pleasure in them. In both.” Her hands were shaking so fiercely that she gripped herself even tighter. “But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m ...attracted to them more over males. That I connect with them, care for them more on that soul-deep level....

(588-589, ACOWAR) (emphasis mine)

As far as sexual attraction is concerned, Mor is canonically bisexual. And through a study of canon text, it’s evident that romantically she is oriented more towards females. If I may hazard a guess, I would propose that Mor is bisexual homoromantic. (@shadowhand-essek has written a wonderful meta on Mor, do read it.)

Then what is my deal with the whole “Helion’s portrayal is biphobic” claim, you may ask?

Bisexuality is a spectrum.

I am grey asexual and biromantic, who currently prefers men over women. I am monogamous and not interested in threesomes. And I am still on the bi spectrum.

Sexuality has various components, and is expressed differently by different people at different times. Mor is sexually attracted to males and females, yet she connects to females on a deeper level. Her sexuality is valid.

Helion is bisexual and likes to have threesomes. Guess what? That doesn’t make him any less of a bisexual, not does it imply that his portrayal is biphobic.

Look, I know, the stereotyping is nasty and harmful. Yet, as a bi person, I don’t find Helion to be a problematic bisexual character as bisexual people who enjoy threesomes cannot be called biphobic. Bisexuality is a vast spectrum and the expression is myriad, and there is no correct singular way to be bi.

Moreover, to claim that Sarah is biphobic because of how Helion is written is to be carelessly ignorant and dismissive of her growth as a writer, especially when she has written a canonically bisexual character in the very same series!

Again, all bi people are valid bi people. Even those who prefer one gender over others all the time. Even those who are asexual. Especially those who identify as bisexual and like to engage in threesomes and foursomes.

I do not have an issue with Helion’s character, because I am extremely curious about him and would love to know more. And I do think that it;s time for us to accept bisexual people (and characters) who like to have sex with multiple people. 

To claim that Helion’s portrayal is biphobic seems to be a very narrow understanding of bisexuality in my eyes. And that, if I may be blunt, is a biphobic and ignorant stance.

What I do have an issue with is the ideological elitism I find in this fandom - I prefer to call it elitism because healthy critique way too often devolves into toxic mudslinging in the pursuit of ideological purity.

Ideological purity is a myth. No one can be perfectly woke, least of all the ones ‘cancelling’ everyone else.

I am not claiming that Sarah is a perfect writer, hells, I have found her writing problematic too, especially in ToG, starting from Rowan biting Aelin’s neck in HoF, to Manorian, a ship that I don’t ship much as it felt forced upon me, at best a casual sexual relationship.(And let’s not even talk about Manon proposing marriage to Dorian - way too OOC for me to accept). Gods, my babey bat boi Cassian was highly inappropriate and crossed a major line in Wings and Embers, and despite me being such unholy Nessian trash, he deserved that kick to the balls. Consent.

However, I do not like ideological elitism as it is condescending and dismissive of nuance and growth. Sarah listened to criticism and her writing has grown and matured, and I think that it’s mean to dismiss someone’s growth in the manner often seen in this fandom.

Discourse is important, debate is essential, dissing is trash.

And I love Helion.

[empaths-hsp]

Sensitive Men Are the Antidote to Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity is both self-destructive and socially destructive.

“Toughen up bro.”

“Come on, be a man about it.”

“Show them you’re the man!”

Society has long taught us that manhood is acquired through dominance, strength, self-reliance, and the bottling up of emotions. But this has led to the dangerous epidemic of “toxic masculinity.” 

Now, I’m not a guy. But I’ve seen it happen. And quite frankly, it needs to stop. Toxic masculinity is harmful to everyone — both men and women.

While sensitivity is still a trait largely associated with girls and women, it should be something we encourage of boys and men. Highly sensitive men are the antidote to toxic masculinity. They are a guiding light that proves men can — and should — be thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic members of society. Men who understand and embrace their emotions know that feelings do not make them weak, but strong and healthy. 

How Traditional Masculinity Becomes Toxic Masculinity 

The American Psychological Association recently released guidelines — for the first time, I might add — for professionals who work with boys and men. The notion of traditional masculinity, the APA argued, has become a serious problem that requires unique intervention so boys can develop into healthier men.  

Traditional masculinity is essentially a social construct. It’s a way of idealizing what it means to be a man, and requiring all men to live up to that restrictive, impossible image: emotionless, strong, hard-working. 

Toxic masculinity emerges when that idea of traditional masculinity goes too far. It’s a way of thinking that if a guy doesn’t act in a certain way, they aren’t men. When that happens, the already constricting nature of traditional masculinity becomes something far more dangerous — both to men and the people in their lives.  

I want you to think of Gaston from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast.” Remember him? Competitive, bulging muscles, misogynistic, violent and, definitely someone who won’t take “no” for an answer. Gaston is the epitome of toxic masculinity.

Some typical traits associated with toxic masculinity are: 

Shows no emotion apart from anger 

Deals with problems using violence and/or aggression

Competitive and always has to win

Can’t show any weakness and doesn’t depend on anyone

Avoids doing anything considered ‘feminine’

Sometimes, may even make inappropriate sexual or derogatory comments toward women

Truth be told, toxic masculinity is both self-destructive and socially destructive, but society keeps encouraging those same destructive behaviors from men.

Ways Society Encourages Toxic Masculinity

It’s damaging to assume there is only one way of being a man — that only leads to having an unhealthy relationship with oneself and with others. Yet, as boys become men, they tend to hear: 

1. ‘’Real men don’t cry.”

Boys are often told this phrase from a young age, often by their fathers or other male members of the family. The end result? Emotional repression. This frequently leads to outbursts, whether as violence directed at others or self-harm. And that’s not to mention the damaging effects on mental health — 1 in 8 men have mental health issues, but many hesitate to reach out for help.

2. “Suck it up.”

Not being able to express one’s emotions creates an internal pressure cooker, and can result in problems like anxiety, depression, and elevated suicide rates. In fact, men are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than women. 

3. “Stop being a wimp.” 

Men experience a real fear of appearing soft and tender. These qualities are usually associated with being weak and not manly. And for a long time — even still to this day in some places — “not manly” was often associated with being gay. 

While views about the LGBTQ community have rightly changed for the good, homophobic comments grounded in the idea of being sensitive make it harder for some men to express their identity, and so they end up feeling uncomfortable with who they truly are.

4. “Boys will be boys.” 

Well, what a great excuse for this crappy type of behavior. The “lad culture” that encourages toxic masculinity tends to devalue women’s bodies and opinions. It creates unbalanced relationships and unhealthy approaches to sex. As a result, domestic abuse rates are at an all-time high. 

Let’s be clear, it’s not just women who are victims of domestic abuse, men are too. But according to the charity Women’s Aid, “women experience higher rates of repeated victimization and are much more likely to be seriously hurt or killed” than males. The idea that problems should be dealt with using violence poses risks to women in relationships with toxic men.

Why Sensitivity is the Antidote We Need

It’s time to redefine masculinity. Sensitivity in men is very rarely encouraged, but it’s time that changed. As a man, you should be able to feel vulnerable and sensitive without feeling weak and inferior. You should be able to enjoy activities like baking and cooking without worrying that they are too girly. 

And that’s where sensitive men come in. 

20 percent of the male population are highly sensitive. And most other men are capable of a deep sensitivity, if they allow themselves to bring it out. Men who embrace their sensitive sides have healthier relationships with others and themselves. They take the time to listen and cultivate deeper friendships. They talk more freely about their emotions and experiences. 

That is pretty damn brave if you ask me.

Here are a few ways sensitive men can help teach the world that “sensitive” means “strong.”

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4 Ways Men Can Embrace Their Sensitive Side

1. Release and express emotions.

Real. Men. Have. Feelings. There, I said it. Men feel pain, anxiety, joy, and fear just like any other human being. You shouldn’t have to bottle up your emotions when you are feeling crappy. You can cry. You can talk. You can go to therapy. If you need help, ask. You don’t have to do it all on your own.

Don’t suffer in silence. You’re doing yourself (and others) more harm than good. There are much healthier ways of expressing your feelings than violent outbursts. 

2. Own your interests, even if they’re “non-traditional.”

Not every guy is into football, cars, and weight lifting. (And if you are, then that’s perfectly fine.) Some men also enjoy cooking, dancing, singing, and baking. These activities are often associated with femininity, but they shouldn’t be.

Forget about what you should like to do as a man, and own what you enjoy. Not doing what you love just because you are afraid it’s considered too girly means you risk losing part of your identity in the process.

3. Foster healthy relationships.

Treating others with respect is just basic manners, and this goes double for romantic relationships. It’s important to cultivate a healthy approach to sex. The idea that all men want sex and should be ready for it 24/7 is absurd. 

You can say no when you want to. It won’t make you any less of a man. And being sexually aggressive (without the other person’s consent) is not justifiable. Women and men aren’t sex objects and you shouldn’t be treating them as so. Learn to treat them as equals. (P.S: Laughing at rape jokes is also really not cool or funny.)

4. Forget about a perfect physique.

Men feel the pressure to have that perfect muscular body, thinking that it makes them manlier. Arnold Schwarzenegger in his heyday comes to mind: “I must be the strongest, fittest, most competitive…” 

More times than not, the superhero in a movie is usually broad and muscular. Images like that and others we see on a daily basis help fuel unrealistic physical ideals and body image problems. Being thinner or heavier should not make you less of a man. Can we all just embrace our differences, please and thank you?

The world has started clueing into the problem of toxic masculinity, and I hope that sensitivity can provide a way forward. You don’t have to conform to society’s ideas of being a man. Be you. There is no ‘’right’’ way to be a man. Sensitive isn’t weak — it’s strong and daring and bold. It’s manly as hell. 

You might like:

5 Truths I Struggled to Learn as a Highly Sensitive Man

The World Needs Sensitive Men More Than Ever

7 Keys to a Happy, Thriving Marriage with a Highly Sensitive Person

The post Sensitive Men Are the Antidote to Toxic Masculinity appeared first on Highly Sensitive Refuge.

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[armsdealing]

@themercifulmother​​​ sent: ciro: 8. + 26. // emile: 19. + 23.  

character development questions / accepting.

CIRO.

8. where and when do they seem most and least at ease? why? how can you tell?

ciro, especially older ciro, has a tight grip on his body language, so it's actually hard to tell when he's displeased or pleased by something, or when he's comfortable/uncomfortable. at least, when he's playing the role of advisor, and when he's around other made men. he's got reputation for being truly unreadable, for seeming perfectly okay with a meeting's resolutions only to turn around and tell salvatore that he thinks lowly of the terms of the prospective deal or the dealmakers themselves. he will seem unruffled by someone's aggressive behavior and, once that person is out of earshot, or simply has calmed down, he will pointedly criticize it. such a skill is invaluable for a consigliere, for a lawyer, and as salvatore's business partner.

he does not like surprises, though. he can work with them, will do well with them, but he does not like them. he does not like things being hidden from him, either, since they make his work much more difficult than he considers it should be. there's a breathable tension in the room whenever ciro realizes there's a crucial piece of information that he does not possess. he has argued (privately) with sal whenever he feels like sal has hidden something from him, and it's likely one of the few rare times sal could have seen ciro aggravated. it's not easy to tell unless you know ciro when this happens, but: he turns very still. hardly blinks, his gaze downturned when he is making direct eye contact. talks very coolly and keeps things brief and to the point.

he also does not like snakes. when he was younger (late teens), he was bitten by an asp viper during a trip to italy. a half hour of unbearable pain and some antivenom later, he's all good and healthy, but developed a fear of snakes. not a phobia: he can be near one, provided it's in its enclosure, but he'd rather not. he will avoid looking at it.

talks about sexuality also make him uncomfortable. it does not matter how accepting of it you might be. when he was young, even talking about girls was the one masculine ritual he never quite mastered (he was good at violence, at sports, at money -- but not vulgar conversations about women and sex), and his involvement was minimal, only the right amount necessary to keep suspicions of his own personal inclinations at bay. he claimed to be old fashioned, that he was raised to be respectful, a good catholic, a good sicilian. truth is, he was uneasy as fuck. and he's very tight-lipped about being gay even nowadays. you can chalk that up to both his stifled environment growing up and the fact that he's private by nature.  

he's most at ease when things are business as usual. when he's on his own or with the company of someone he is close to (sal, delores, his wife), but not talking about business. you can tell because of the ribbing, and the rambling manner of his speech. he's more expressive, more colorful with his language, but still keeping his impassive disposition.

26. how do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

he views relationships (friendships, family, spouse) as some of the most important things on earth. money and power is really all in service of what you can provide for your loved ones. someone who is powerful, but alone, without strong connections to anyone or anyone -- does not remain powerful for long. as a result, ciro is loyal and unwavering when it comes to his relationships. once he has chosen you as part of his small circle of friends and loved ones, he will pretty much kill for you. he will lie for you in court. he will bury a body for you and make sure it is never found. he will do anything in his power to keep you safe. moreover, he will ensure your loved ones are safe as well. for example, when sal goes to prison, ciro visits him on a consistent basis, but mostly he makes sure delores and the kids are doing well.

all this being said, he simultaneously believes that emotions and sentimentality should not cloud one's judgement, and how one feels shouldn't have a say above the logically better decisions. his loyalty is airtight, but so is his sense of pragmatism, and his tendency to look for the long term solutions rather than instant gratification. when someone he cares about is hurt (like, for example, his children) or threatened by someone, he goes about solving the problem in tranquil, meticulous manner. make no mistake, though: it is not any less cutthroat than simply walking and beating the assailant up over it.

ÉMILE.

19. how do they behave within a group? what role(s) do they take? does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? why?

émile is an introvert who can pass very well for an extrovert, albeit at the cost of his energy. it also vastly depends on whether he trusts the group and the nature/purpose of the group itself.

he can effortlessly take the role of a leader, deciding what is best for the group and calling the shots, bringing people together and making sure everyone is doing well. this tends to happen with people he does not know much; he is the one that takes initiative primarily out of a lack of trust for others' leadership skills -- and because he is very independent and very intolerant to others bossing him around. it's also the sagittarius in him speaking -- sagittarians make good leaders because of their excellent organizational and people skills. at his best, émile is generous, broad-minded, optimistic, and charismatic enough to make people side with him and agree with him. he's also a great listener and protector.

but he can also easily take the role of the lancer/right-hand man. in order for this to happen, he needs to trust the leader greatly, and he will challenge them constantly. he is not someone that blindly follows others: he will act as a great complementary force. he will also appreciate not having to be in the spotlight all the time.

23. how do they respond to difficult social moments? what makes them consider a social situation difficult?

because of the add, émile suffers from emotional dysregulation. ed is a term used in the mental health community that refers to emotional responses that are poorly modulated and do not lie within the accepted range of emotive response. he also suffers from rsd, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, "an extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life".

as a result, émile does not deal with criticism well, or perceived slights (at himself, at his family/relationships), or rejection. he can easily become irritated and that irritation can quickly evolve into intense anger. when he was a child, this presented itself in the form of aggression: while mostly well behaved, he would waste no time snapping back at other boys/bullies when they threw mean comments at him, or lashing out at teachers for criticizing him. he would get into fights just to prove himself as not one to be tested. he did not deal with being scolded by his parents well, either -- he would pretend not to care, but that shit would sting. on more than one occassion, he would cry. he would continue to act out.

he got better with age. more mature, less likely to respond to provocation. he had to set an example for his siblings -- he had to help his parents with raising them, and be a good older brother. still, he worried about being overly sensitive. he would get stressed out very easily, angry very easily, and sad very easily, prompting him into impulsive behaviors. then just like that, these emotions would disappear and be replaced with apathy. he sought out hobbies to help him with that, took up exercise, running, boxing.

nowadays, more self aware and with medication that helps him modulate his emotions properly -- he still considers situations when someone is mad at him or disappointed with him especially difficult, just because of how much it hurts him to be in that position. however, he has tools to deal with it, and not let it overwhelm him. he overthinks a lot, but he has turned it into a good thing. now émile tries his best to solve problems via words and effective communication. 

[acesian]

This is in response to a post where yet another person claimed that asexuality and asexual terms are sexualizing minors. Although I have seen other posts like this, this one has a commenter calling us “pedoasexies”, which is why I have elected to make this post. This comes from one of my previous responses (with minor edits), but I think it’s significantly important to post on its own.

If your argument hinges upon sexualizing someone else’s identity, it’s a terrible argument. There are much better ways of making your points.

My stance (and the stance I have seen from most of my fellow inclusionists) is that children not experiencing sexual attraction is the standard. However, I believe that minors can use the asexuality label w/o the split attraction model (aka no attraction, no crushes, etc). Older minors (not children) may see their peers experiencing sexual attraction, and can start to identify as asexual with the split attraction model (or not), with the understanding that things may change. when I was around twelve, I began to notice my classmates talking about their sexual relationships, but I didn’t start identifying as ace until later.

My personal belief is that it is better to give people the greatest amount of information and freedom. Information, in this case, doesn’t just refer to definitions and labels, but also that young minors are not expected to experience sexual attraction.

Saying “sexual attraction inherently sexualizes people” or “it shouldn’t be discussed” is harmful because experiencing sexual attraction is natural and shouldn’t be shamed. I want people, especially lgbtq+ people, to be able to openly discuss their sexual attraction (in a healthy, safe manner) without feeling dirty or TMI.

A lot of the homophobia is rooted in gay people being predatory or sexualized. For example, there’s the whole protest of lgbtq+ rep in children’s shows because “it’s too sexual”. I don’t want lgbtq+ minors to feel ashamed of part of their attraction and feel like it’s not something to discuss (in a healthy, safe manner). I don’t want lgbtq+ minors to feel their identities are sexual for experiencing sexual attraction, which is implied if you say that talking about not experiencing sexual attraction is inherently sexual.

I also want aros to be able to state other orientations that are important to them, even if they’re only about sexual attraction. (For example, I want a lesbian aro to be able to discuss both their lesbian and aro orientations, and not have to hide their lesbian identity because “it’s inherently sexual”)

Asexuality does NOT refer to one’s sex life. This is a common misconception perpetuated by exclusionists saying “you’re not special because you don’t want to fuck”. Me saying I’m ace tells you nothing about my sex life or what sexual behaviors I enjoy. If you’re guessing things about my sex life, that’s on you. It’s no more “tmi” or “gross” or whatever than someone saying “that person is attractive/hot/cute”.

Multiple aces of color have expressed our discomfort at being sexualized like this.

I’m very tired of exclusionists (ESPECIALLY white exclusionists) telling me I should be comfortable with this sexualization of my identity.

As I said to another user, being ace isn’t like having a kink, which is inherently sexual. Disclosing my identity isn’t telling you anything about the amount of sex I have, how I have it, or anything else. It is an identity.

Stop telling me my identity is inherently sexual. It is absolutely disgusting. I don’t care if you think it is justified—the people sexualizing me for being a woman, a wlw, and Asian all think they are justified too. That doesn’t make it any more right. Telling me that I am inherently sexual based on some unchangeable aspect of who I am will always be gross.

You need to listen to all the aces expressing their discomfort at you sexualizing our identity (esp aces who are already hypersexualized for other identities).

Asexuality isn’t sexualizing us. You are.

No identity is inherently sexual.

[rawresparza]

Prompt where Sonny and Rafael are reunited after a long time apart?

This is actually something I partly wrote and never finished after The Undiscovered Country and right before I started writing my Never Been Kissed AU. If you’ve read that, you might be able to tell where some of the overlap was when it comes to Professor Barba but I figured I’d rework and add stuff to finish this piece for the fill. I hope you enjoy it!

–

It’s been a year.

Twelve whole months have passed since Rafael Barba had walked away from the District Attorney’s office and out of Sonny Carisi’s life. Sonny hadn’t intended to let so much time escape him. Space, he’d told himself, it’d be best to give Rafael a little bit of space after everything, after West Virginia

(“I screwed up, I know I did. I’m not asking you to forget about it but I’m asking you to forgive me when you’re ready because I’m not letting you go again without a fight.”

“I need you to give me time. I need space.”)

and all the borderline self-sabotage

(“What’s going on with you? You’ve been off since–”

“Since what? Say it. Let’s see if we can get to the root of the problem, Detective.”)

and the trial

(“I can’t just not be there for you.”

“I’m asking you to stay away. I can’t have you there, I just can’t.”)and the resignation Rafael had never told him about directly. He’d learned about it from Liv the next day and Sonny can’t remember ever feeling more like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

Give him time, give him space, Sonny had thought to himself. Time and space, time and space, so much of both have been given and he’s not in any better a position for it. Eventually, he’d hoped the time and space would be good for himself, for moving on, for erasing Rafael Barba from his memory altogether; but Rafael Barba is not so easily forgettable and Sonny had known that all along.

He’d only meant to give it a couple days at the start but a couple days had turned into a couple weeks, a couple months, and Rafael hadn’t reached out to him, either. Every time Sonny had asked Liv how Rafael was doing, she‘d give him that same unimpressed look over the glasses perched her nose and say, “He’d be better if you asked him that yourself.”He hadn’t. Sonny doesn’t know whether he’d made the choice not to out of hurt or pure stubbornness. Maybe he’d hoped it was all one big game of chicken, Rafael would break first and then Sonny could tease him about it for the rest of their happy lives because one day, it would become an anecdote designed for people who asked them how they got together.

He’d been wrong. It’s been agony.

The days still feel emptier in Rafael’s absence. Sonny misses hearing that low voice, melodic in its cadence and soothing to the ear; he misses the blatant ignorance of personal space, the mutual game they’d played of toeing the line of how far they could go without making actual physical contact with each other. An accidental (or maybe not so accidental) brush of their fingers had been tantamount to sexual intimacy, the tension between them so palpable and thick, Sonny had always been near paranoid they’d be called out on it in the middle of a meeting. He wants that back. He can’t, he can’t have it, not what they’d had; but as he stares at a photo of Rafael on his phone, a candid one he’d taken ages ago after Arielle had ended their relationship with a single telephone call and they’d gone out for a drink together after work, Sonny thinks about what they could have now. They wouldn’t have to tiptoe around each other anymore, not with the conflict of interest keeping them apart very much out of the way. That’s hardly the only thing that’d been an obstacle, of course, they’d both made mistakes when it came to figuring out what they meant to each other, but Rafael is the one who’d walked away for good. Sonny wishes that could be enough to turn his back on this, on feelings that he’s carried with him for so many years, but it’s not so easy to turn that off. Even if he thought he could, Sonny knows he’d never be able to do it on his own.

Closure.

They’d never gotten it with each other. if Sonny could build up that courage, say the things he’s said to Rafael but only in dreams, he’d know for sure. He thinks he’d at least be able to find some peace. After Arielle had left him, Sonny had felt a distinct sense of relief, which in turn had spurred an onset of guilt because he knows that even when they’d been together, he hadn’t been faithful to her, not emotionally. He’s been forgiven for it in confession but that doesn’t mean he’s forgiven himself. Sonny had let Rafael get under his skin, into his heart, and even after twelve months gone, the man is still there. When he closes his eyes at night, Sonny’s mind taunts him with every manner of “what if” scenario it can come up with, and it’s not every day but it’s enough that he still looks at Stone with a faint level of resentment that should’ve retired itself a long time ago. It shouldn’t be this hard, Sonny thinks, but he hasn’t even been able to fully convince himself that’s the truth. Some days, he catches Liv talking to Stone with a faraway look on her face, like she knows the brick wall she’s talking to would’ve been much more pliable had it belonged to someone else. They meet eyes sometimes, a silent acknowledgment of what they’d lost passing between them, even though Sonny has never once admitted to her out loud that his feelings for Rafael have always run deeper than respect and admiration for a colleague. She’d known, she’d known for a long time, and she’s hinted to him as recently as yesterday that Rafael would probably appreciate a familiar face going to visit him. “The semester’s starting tomorrow at NYU,” she’d commented, and it’d sound off-handed to anyone else listening, but Sonny had known better. “He’s nervous. I’d stop over to say hello, but I’m buried in paperwork. Too bad.”So that’s how Sonny had ended up here at NYU Law, with a paper bag filled with Rafael’s favorite Chinese take-out, the same dishes they’d shared the last time they’d dined together at One Hogan Place, poring over files for a case Sonny had proudly helped him win. The second he’d stepped foot on campus, he’d immediately felt a sense of dread so strong he’d been tempted to give up on his mission and eat the whole damn bag of food himself. He barely remembers how he’d ended up outside the doors to Rafael’s class, it’s like his feet had carried him here against his will and better judgment, but here he stands and even though he has every chance to walk away, Sonny knows there’s no going back.

He’d hoped to slip into the lecture hall unnoticed, to remain a fly on the wall so he can observe Rafael teach because he still can’t quite picture it. Rafael Barba, the man who’d barely been able to stomach being shadowed at first, a lecturer? Even if he’d had no other motive for being here, Sonny would’ve come to see that alone. His plan is derailed by the scrape of the heavy mahogany door against old tile that prompts every head in the room to turn to look at him, some expressions noting annoyance and others relief that might’ve been a little bit hilarious if Sonny weren’t currently flushing red with mortification. His eyes search the curious faces of the students still watching him until they find Rafael, at the head of the class, sitting at the edge of his desk with his mouth forming a perfect “O.” This image of him is perfect. It almost makes it seem as if no time has passed at all because Sonny knows that posture, the tilt of one shoulder above the other and the quizzical expression and the way those eyes shine in the sunlight that hits him just right.

There are hints to what’s changed, of course: Rafael’s face looks a little slimmer, Sonny notes, and the three-piece suit is absent in favor of a simple blue button-up that complements his sun-kissed skin and what looks to be a wool tie, paired with well-fitting jeans that just slightly emphasize the still present belly that Sonny has imagined exploring with his fingertips and mouth more than once. Rafael looks good, healthy, somehow better than he had since the last time Sonny had seen him. Even from the back of the room, Sonny can see the patches of gray that have grown a little longer, a little more noticeable. He looks every part the college professor, it’s uncanny, and Sonny nearly drops the paper bag of food in his hand until he manages to stop staring and slip into an empty seat. Rafael, for his part, manages to recover perfectly, as if Sonny’s grand entrance hadn’t affected him at all. For a moment, Sonny lets himself worry over whether there might actually be some truth to that.“Okay, as I was saying: near the end of our semester, each of you will pair up with another student and choose a case that did not result in a guilty verdict. It’ll be your jobs to convince me why the verdict should be overturned. I’ll only say this once: my case is off limits. Don’t be the funny guy who tries to pull it off. This project is worth fifty percent of your grade and if you try to be that funny guy, you’ll be asked to leave and stay gone. I will fail you out of this class no matter how well you were doing. Are we clear on that?”A wave of affirmative murmurs sound from the students around him but all Sonny can do is cringe, sickened by the thought of anyone trying to catch Rafael off-guard with a presentation of his own case. It’s a fair warning, one that likely needs to be given, which is disappointing in itself. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his hand still gripping the take-out bag and now tightly enough his knuckles turn white, as he considers the fact that he has questions about the case himself that he’d never had the chance to ask. Maybe he’ll still get a chance, or maybe Rafael will just tell him to get the hell out of his face. “Good.” Rafael pauses, his gaze briefly landing on Sonny again before he clears his throat and pushes himself off his desk, waving a hand dismissively. “We’re running a little early but it’s the first day, I’ll be generous. First two chapters of the book by next session, be ready to discuss. Class dismissed.”Rafael turns his back on the class and, subsequently, Sonny, who waits until the shuffling of papers turns into the shuffling of footsteps and eventually, that damn door groans back into place with the exit of the last student and they’re left alone. His back is still turned but Rafael has stopped moving, the curve of his shoulders tense, like he’s ready to turn around but can’t find the strength to do it. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Sonny makes his choice, standing from his seat and crossing the room until he’s standing close enough behind Rafael to smell the familiar scent of sandalwood and fresh soap that he hadn’t even realized he’d missed so much until right this second. “I don’t even get a ‘hi’?” Sonny asks. His tone isn’t mocking, not sarcastic, it’s just barely teasing, but Rafael finally turns to face him with an unexpected, mildly pained expression and a sad smile. Letting out a deep breath, Rafael sighs, “Hi.” He swallows, eyes darting between his shoes and Sonny. “I didn’t expect to see you.”“Today?”Rafael shrugs. “Or ever. It’s been awhile.”“You could’ve called.”“You could have, too.”“I wanted to.”Rafael seems to take that at face value and nods. Sonny had expected more of a fight; he can’t decide yet whether or not this is better. “So did I.”“Well, I’m here now,” Sonny says, giving the nearly forgotten bag in his hand a little shake. “I brought your favorites.”“You remembered?”“Of course I did.” Sonny tilts his head, searching Rafael’s eyes, though he’s not sure what he expects to find. “Rafael, of course I did. It’s been a year, not sixty.”“A year is still a long time,” Rafael all but murmurs, turning back to the mess of folders and papers on his desk. Sonny doesn’t even understand how Rafael could’ve made such a big mess during the course of an introductory first day of class, but he doesn’t say anything about it and anyway, it’s no different than the typical state of his desk at One Hogan. He lets Rafael gather his things, watching the rise and fall and twist of his shoulders, wanting so desperately to reach out to smooth away the tension still present there. Instead, he stands still, practically holding his breath until Rafael’s briefcase is packed and there’s nothing left to do but leave. “My office isn’t as big as the old one was,” Rafael finally says, a small, good-natured smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. It’s familiar. The wave of relief that washes over Sonny is so strong, it nearly knocks him over. “But if you don’t mind the close quarters, I’ve got a couple hours before I need to be anywhere else.”

“Trust me,” Sonny says, “I don’t mind at all.”

—Rafael is right, the office is smaller, much smaller, so small that Sonny isn’t even certain they’ll both fit into it comfortably until he’s found a seat in a chair close enough to Rafael’s their knees touch when they both sit. “Is this an office or a utility closet?” Sonny asks, laughing when he earns himself a patented eye roll. “I warned you,” Rafael counters, snatching the bag of food out of Sonny’s hands and setting it down on what just barely passes a desk. He removes the food from the bag item by item, inspecting every dish with a nod of approval before moving on to the next one, a line of concentration creasing his brow and his tongue just slighting protruding from between his lips. It’s a look Sonny had last seen directed at case files and with a quick glance around the office, walls lined with bookshelves already stacked ceiling to floor with various titles he barely recognizes, he’s reminded of how much Rafael’s life has changed over the last year. His own had felt different because it’d been lacking this man; but for Rafael, it hadn’t just been a missing few conversations. It’d been everything. “So how’s it going with Stone?” Rafael asks. “Liv says it took some adjusting at first but last I talked to her, it sounded like things had settled down.”“He’s not you,” Sonny tells him simply, and the silence that falls between them both is and isn’t unexpected.

Rafael is the first to break, reaching for a pair of chopsticks as he forces a weak smile. “That’s probably for the best.”

Sonny wants to argue with that. He wants to get to his feet and shout that Rafael is wrong, that there could never be anyone like him and that’s not a good thing and he shouldn’t have left the squad behind, he shouldn’t have left Sonny behind. The temptation is there, it’s strong, but it fades at the sight of Rafael’s downcast eyes and hunched shoulders. Yes, he looks good, but he also looks tired, in a different kind of way than when everything had gone down. This isn’t just fatigue, it’s a general wariness, a heaviness that Sonny isn’t sure ever really goes away.

“I’ve missed you.”

Rafael looks up sharply, chopsticks held halfway to parted lips. Sonny hadn’t meant to say it, not out loud, at least not yet. He’d come here in hopes to mend this broken thing between them, to start fresh without starting over, even it meant they’d need to move slowly.

But he’s spent the better part of the last year denying his feelings—hell, he’s been doing that since the day they’d met

“I try not to think about you but I do,” he says, the confession spilling out of him.

Rafael says nothing, just calmly sets his chopsticks down, but the simple action almost makes Sonny feel like he’s on the wrong side of an interrogation room. His words come faster, as if he’s running against a clock and if he doesn’t get out everything he needs to say, Rafael will have him booted from the room without a second thought.

“We were headed somewhere, you and me, before everything went down. You can try to deny but I know you felt it, too.” Sonny pauses, realizing in the split second he does that he’s offering up Rafael the chance to put a stop to this, to keep him from humiliating himself, but Rafael only watches him with a too blank expression. “Things were messy but they were getting better. I thought they were. Then you left and you didn’t say a damn thing about it to me, Rafael. I tried to forget about you but you’re always there. Always. Sometimes I still almost dial your number to ask you about cases we’re working on, or to ask if you want me to bring you coffee, or just to tell you I’ve been thinking about you and I wish things could go back to the way they were before we stopped talking for a year.”

He’s breathing harder now, nearly out of breath from an unplanned speech that doesn’t sound as great as he’d hoped it would now that he runs it back in his head. At some point, Sonny had fixed his gaze on one of the egg rolls laid out on the table but he forces himself to look up at Rafael, his stomach churning over the thought of how horribly this could end.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

Sonny hears Rafael’s voice, he hears those words, but the corners of his mouth turn downward into a puzzled frown because he can’t make sense of it.

“Why the hell would you think that?”

“Because I didn’t want to see me, mostly,” Rafael admits. He bites down on his lip, so hard Sonny thinks he might draw blood, then runs a hand over his stubbled cheek. “After the trial, I realized I didn’t like the person I’d become. I felt jaded, you know? And I’ve been jaded for years but not like that. Something didn’t feel right anymore, the job didn’t give me what I needed anymore. I didn’t intend to leave at first, Sonny, I really didn’t. I thought I could be the guy who stuck it out through anything but I wasn’t. I’m not. I think… I think a big part of me was too afraid to tell you that. You’ve always looked at me like I was so much more than I really am, I was too selfish to risk losing that.”

“So you just walked away?” Sonny doesn’t mean for the question to come out sounding like it does. It’s just that he hadn’t expected this, he hadn’t expected Rafael to tell him the only reason he’d left without a word was to preserve the way Sonny had viewed him. Sonny can’t deny that he’s always seen Rafael as someone larger than life, someone who’d seemed capable of anything and even when he wasn’t, he still held his head high and stayed ready to take on the next impossible task.

“I didn’t think I’d let things go between us for so long,” Rafael says. “Every time I thought about calling, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. There’s so much I wanted to say to you, I still do, but I felt like a different person after the trial. I wanted to be myself for you but I didn’t know how.”

Feeling like he’d lost that drive must have been such a blow to Rafael. It hurts Sonny to know that, it makes his chest tight, makes him want to take Rafael’s hand in his own right now and god, he’s gone and done it. He’s holding Rafael’s hand and Rafael isn’t pulling away and the rest of the world seems to fade around them. Sonny traces one of the veins on the back of Rafael’s hand with his thumb, waiting for a reaction, any reaction. He’s relieved when Rafael melts into the touch, eyes fluttering shut at the first physical contact between them in over a year. It’s more satisfying than anything Sonny could have hoped for in making this trip. If nothing else, this moment is worth it all.

“I couldn’t let another day go by without seeing you,” Sonny tells him. He watches Rafael’s bottom lip tremble then steady. “I came because I thought maybe we could both get some closure but come on, Rafael. Nothing’s changed, not really, not between us. Nothing’s ever going to change. I am always going to want you.”

Rafael sighs, though there seems to be a spark of hope behind his uncertainty. “So what, you want to start over?”

“No,” Sonny tells him, ignoring the flicker of disappointment in Rafael’s eyes. “No, Rafael, I want to pick up where we left off. I don’t need to start over, I already know how exactly I feel about you. What I want to do is take you out then take you home with me so I can make sure you know, too.”

A smile blooms over Rafael’s face, reaching his eyes and making him look ten years younger in no time at all. He nods, squeezing Sonny’s hand. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.”

“I think I do,” Sonny says, brushing his lips over Rafael’s knuckles. “So let’s not waste any more time.”

[vsag23]

Venus-Uranus Aspects: The Avant Garde

If your Venus sign is conjunct, square, opposite, sextile, or trine Uranus, you’re the avant garde. The reason why is that Venus is basically the planet of taste. It’s what pleases our senses and rules the things that we value in life. Now, Uranus is a certifiably kooky planet that embraces change and innovation and all things that are sort of weird. So, with Venus in aspect to Uranus, you definitely value (Venus) the unusual things (Uranus) of life. You also value unusual people, as well. Venus-Uranus people are apt to be drawn to all sorts of relationships, saying to hell with convention in romances and friendships. But, your relationships might be plain chaotic, as well, if you let this quirky way of relating to people become flat-out bizarre or emotionally distant.

However, your strangeness is a big part of your appeal, as well. I think our Venus sign, house placement, and aspects really start taking over once we hit puberty. This is when we suddenly become aware of the power of our attractiveness. It’s our initiation into becoming sexual beings. I think Venus is just as sexual of a planet as Mars. But, it’s in more of a sensual, come-hither expression of sexuality. It’s about how we draw others near. The funny thing, then, about having a Venus-Uranus aspect is that, starting from adolescence, you don’t care all that much about drawing others to you; at least, not in a flirtatious manner. Even if Venus is in flirty signs like Gemini or Libra or in seductive Scorpio, it’s rarely your intent to flirt and cajole and drive your preferred sex crazy.

Well, you do enjoy driving them crazy but more so in a mental way. Venus-Uranus people learn, as adolescents, that being offbeat and original can be highly appealing. So, this is the way in which you’ve learned to attract others: by shaking things up. You find pleasure in being the one who dares to be different, going against the “sheeple” in order to be an individualist. And you just trust that you’ll draw other individualistic people your way. But, the aim is more about friendship than romance. Many Venus-Uranus people are quite detached from the yearnings for romance from early on. Venus is our value system and with this planet in aspect to free, independent Uranus, you might value your independence above all else. Yet, this is something that can easily break hearts, as you can remain cool and unfazed by others’ attempts to forge a romantic connection right off the bat.

The thing is that you’d probably prefer to be friends first! People always associate Venus with romance but often forget that it defines how make friends, as well. And friendships are what those with their Venus in aspect to Uranus truly value. Friends don’t make you feel as chained down as romantic partners potentially can. So, your friends are what keep you feeling free, which is what brings you a great deal of pleasure in life. This is often why you prefer for those who you end up with romantically to start off as your friend and insist that you maintain that kind of buddy-buddy camaraderie throughout the relationship.

Therefore, the interesting thing is that being friends with someone (Uranus) is often what makes you fall in love with them the most (Venus). When a relationship goes from zero to sixty, in the romance department, it’s the kind of thing that can freak a person with a Venus-Uranus aspect out. Having one of these aspects can also make you frequently attracted to those who you’ve been friends with for a long time. Therefore, the challenge of moving things out of the friend-zone can be experienced very regularly for you. However, it all depends on how you handle these romantic feelings. If Venus is in a Water sign or in Taurus, you’re more likely to surrender to these yearnings. If not, you can end up lashing out in a defiant attempt to resist sentiment and maintain your cool.

Those with the square and the opposition can have a particularly tough time dealing with the feelings that come with starting a love affair. The conjunction can often go either way, as they might become oddly defensive and distant or they might behave more like the people with the sextile and the trine. These people tend to have a healthy grip on what it means to still be independent while maintaining some sense of closeness or connectedness in the relationship. And this might not just be an issue with lovers but also with friends. You may find yourself keeping buddies at an arm’s length when you think they’re getting too close. Sometimes, it may seem like you would just prefer to be in an exclusive relationship with yourself. 

                                   "Walking Alone" by Peter Schoen

With Venus-Uranus aspects, there is usually a love of alone time that needs to be respected without making you cut off from others, either. Venus is where we can be too self-indulgent. And those with a Venus-Uranus placement can indulge themselves with too much solitary time, which eventually turns into loneliness and isolation. This can be a particular way of dealing with relationships for you if you’ve been hurt significantly. You might find yourself becoming less and less emotionally accessible, not willing to become that attached again. Generally speaking, your lack of over-attachment can be a very healthy thing. It makes you independent. Just remember that we all need people, after all. We are social beings and nobody can go at it alone for too long.

But, the paradox of Uranus’ influence is that it is so social, in spite of also potentially being so detached. And you truly enjoy the process of getting to know lots of different people. For Venus-Uranus, the more different they are from the norm, the better. This is what makes you the avant garde. The more something or someone is considered odd or unpopular, the more you’re going to be attracted to that thing or person. Venus isn’t just how we draw others to us. It’s also how we are drawn to other things and people. And the outcasts, the rebels, and the provocateurs just always have a magnetic pull over you. You’re fascinated by the people who shock and awe.

People are also fascinated by your ability to shock and awe. You draw like-minded nonconformists and oddballs your way. Your relationships are often established through a mutual sense of breaking the rules together and being a dynamic duo of craziness wherever you go. Now, your Venus might get off on this just a little too much. So, you might find yourself behaving in indulgently rebellious or provocative ways. Going overboard with our Venus is like eating too much candy. We just end up with a stomachache. Therefore, Venus-Uranus individuals can end up feeling the unappealing consequences of just doing things only to cause anarchy.

However, this anarchy can often be for a good reason. Since Venus represents our value system, you really value treating other people in egalitarian, fair-minded ways, which is what Uranus symbolizes. You see everyone as your brother and sister, not wanting to discriminate against others for the labels that society slaps on them. Therefore, what you’re often rebelling against is the narrow-minded thinking of others. In fact, facing discrimination is something that really displeases you. While Mars-Uranus people would aggressively or assertively respond to ignorance by saying “screw you”, you are more passive and refined in how you give some prejudiced idiot the bird. You’re more likely to just distance yourself from them, peacefully go on about your own way. Yet, I wouldn’t put it past you, either, to eventually flip them the finger or tell them off, if they persist.

Those with Uranus aspects who are considered minorities – basically, those who aren’t straight white men – can awesomely go against the grain of society’s prejudices and fears. Venus is the planet of beauty and how we appreciate our own beauty (whether we’re male or female); and not just physical beauty but our attractiveness as a whole. So, as a Venus-Uranus person, you can find the beauty in being someone who doesn’t fit the societal mold. You can detach from society’s standards of attractiveness or worth and come to fully appreciate the differentness of your race, gender, and sexual orientation. Even if you’re a straight white man, you can still be affected by these ideals of attractiveness, as well. And you can find joy in truly not caring about them.

Going against the mainstream can affect your personal tastes and preferences in many different ways. Many Venus-Uranus folks can be your typical hipster types, only listening to alternative music that not many people have heard of and hating what’s playing on the radio now. In fact, you might be that person who loves something until it’s popular. Then, it might turn you off. You may also be the same way about movies and books, capable of telling people about things you just watched or read that they might not have even known about otherwise. The underground or indie scene is often what appeals most to Venus-Uranus, particularly the ones who are Millennials. But, you might be easily accused of trying to be “too cool for school” at the same time.

Maybe it’s true. You may be trying to just make some defiant statement. For those with one of the harder aspects, this can be particularly transparent, at times. But, for those with the easier aspects, it’s often just an expression of the fact that you just prefer what’s different. Because of this, Venus-Uranus people aren’t usually the types taking style tips from GQ or Vogue. Uranus does not like to be told what to do or think. With Venus in the mix, this extends toward fashion, which is something that I think Venus definitely influences. Therefore, you’re apt to not care at all about what some fashion editor tells you is acceptable or not. You think independently when it comes to style and are prone to experimentation, mixing and matching, trying out lots of different options.

  Venus-Uranus people can sometimes dress to shock, decking themselves out weirdly. But, much of the time, you just dress in a way that doesn’t care what others think, often breaking fashion rules. You’ll wear brown shoes and a black belt if you want, even if you leave someone else shaking their head. You probably also don’t care much for formal wear, unless you absolutely have to wear a suit or a dress. Uranus is highly casual so you’d much rather keep it casual when it comes to your dress code. However, this extends to other areas, as well. Even if there are more passionate or emotionally complex influences in your chart, this Venus-Uranus aspect keeps them in check when it comes to romance. Being somewhat aloof yet very friendly can be highly attractive to others.

When it comes to dating, you’re up for anything and the other person must be as well. This love of experimenting extends to sex, as well. The thing that’s sexiest about you is that you can be electrifying and fully enjoy trying whatever sexually. Uranus is a planet full of surprises and you might be quite surprised by what turns you on, as sexual feelings involving kinkiness, fetishes, bisexuality, three-ways, and all other sorts of experimental inclinations can suddenly pop up. Everyone must be accepting of their sexual preferences and tastes, as long as they’re harmless, without judgment. But, with this aspect, you must be especially. If it feels good, try it. You could end up unexpectedly loving something that you didn’t think you would.

Venus conjunct Uranus:

The conjunction gives you the strongest love of madness as well as the strongest ability to charm others with your madness. But, you might expect to slide by too much on this quirky appeal by making too much trouble and wanting to always get away with it. Just focus on being a free-spirit in more pleasing ways, liberating others right along with you.

Venus square or opposite Uranus: The issues of personal space and independence can be overwhelming for you, with the square or opposition. It can become a push-pull game, not wanting people to get too intimate but still wanting to be good friends. You must allow people to truly get close to you. Then, you can be an even more wonderful buddy to others than you already are.

Venus sextile or trine Uranus: Your eccentricities don’t typically create too much chaos, since you have the sextile or the trine. They are usually just endearing and likable. But, even you are prone to walking alone so much that you become out of touch with others. Disconnect when you need to but remember how valuable your friendliness and your open-minded acceptance is to others.

source: http://astroarena12.blogspot.com

fashion pictures: alexander mcqueen

[astr0freak-blog]

Asteroid Nessus

From what I’ve seen, everything about Nessus is ‘sex addict, paedophile, rapist’ and I hate it, it’s boxing people negatively. Therefore, with the little resources I had to work with, I’m making this post with all the research I’ve done.

The effects of Nessus can be drowned out by strong inner planets, especially where other planets share the same house. 

Keep in mind that anyone can use their Nessus energy in a positive manner, and those who use it negatively have an overall underdeveloped energy. Use your will power to put a positive light on things you do, because you’ll be a lot more successful if you do!

The abuse section is only a guide and needs to be taken lightly. If it does occur, you may either be the aggressor or victim. Take only with a pinch of salt, please.

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Aries: A dominant Nessus is here. Whether or not he’s successful is indicated by positive aspects. Aries Nessus is someone who wants complete control, they want what they want and they will fight in any way possible to get it. A control freak, bully, ‘my way or the highway’ in pretty much everything. Negatively, these people are the worst, second to Scorpio. You’d think they have a degree in bullying. Positively, these people become extremely high achievers. May be obsessed with sex, selfish, and may come off as very sexual to others. If abuse occurs, it’s usually sexual and/or at a young age.

Taurus: Nessus here is almost obsessive over getting their material desires, and will work extremely hard to get them. They are very proud of their income and the things they own, but although they work hard, if Taurus Nessus isn’t in a good light, their ways of gaining these things can be very questionable. Negative Nessus doesn’t usually take well to people in lower economic classes, and usually proudly associates themselves with higher classes. Use wealth and achievements to bully others. Positively, these people will have well paid jobs and a beautiful home to show for it. Their self-worth will have a connection to their material success. If abuse occurs, it may be through being over possessive.

Gemini: Ah yes, the communicative Gemini. Negatively, these people use rumours to get back at people who hurt them or the people they care about. They can ruin relationships and lives with lies. Blackmail is their go-to method. In a positive light, these people have a crazy ability to talk their way into getting exactly what they want, even if it’s a seat at a restaurant. Very good at sweet-talking, and are able to ‘prove’ their loyalty with their words. These people are probably verbal during sex and enjoy dirty talk. If abuse occurs, it’s most likely verbal abuse.

Cancer: These people take on too much when it comes to nurturing. They will take people under their wing and take parenthood and caring for others very seriously. These parents are probably the scary but respected ones in the home. Negatively, these people aim their negativity at any weaknesses others show, and won’t tolerate people going against their word. Positively, Cancer Nessus is protective and caring, and will do anything for their family. May smother those they love and become needy. If abuse occurs, it may be in a home environment or by family.

Leo: These people want to be the center of attention and will do anything to get it. In negative light, this person will manipulate others in order to get the things they want, act perfect in the spotlight to keep a good reputation. Rewards their followers. Positively, this person is very proactive in achieving their goals in just the right ways. This is a good placement for fame if used wisely. These people, as Leo’s do, like to be treated like royalty, and have a very particular rules they want others to live up to. If abuse occurs, it’s likely through personal gain.

Virgo: This person needs organisation and hygiene. Virgo Nessus is very healthy, likely to try out new diets a lot. Negatively, this person expects a lot of high standards in organisation, hygiene, and health from everyone, and will try and make others go along with it. They will likely pull the cards of fear in order to make people do as they are told. In a positive light, these people are great healers in health, and will put more effort than needed in order to get things done properly. Very likely to worry about other people’s health, especially those they care about. They’re the ones trying to get you to go to the doctors for a cough you’ve had for a week. If abuse occurs, it may be through work environments.

Libra: Obsessed with keeping the peace. Negatively, these people may manipulate others into stepping into line to keep things running smoothly and peacefully, will do exactly what they think needs to be done in order to make sure they can have a ‘happy’ and ‘peaceful’ environment, which is in reality simply a coordinated environment. Positively, they are excellent at leading people to the right path. They are great healers in social environments and help people get the justice they deserve. They expect the desire for peace from those around them. If abuse occurs, its likely by friends or partners.

Scorpio: Nessus is at home and most powerful in Scorpio. These people need to take a lot of responsibility to keep themselves on a positive path or it’ll cause a lot of destruction, and can take anything to the extreme (especially in the house Nessus lays). On a positive note, this individual can have an uncanny ability to heal others, and their ability to control their desires is strong. Their scary kinks (rape kinks, knife play, etc) are under control and probably lay dormant. They aren’t afraid of death (rather the act of dying), and will want to control their own death. Negatively, their kinks may come out forceful, and they will desire a dramatic stunt-like death. If abuse occurs, it may be through sex.

Sagittarius: Freedom is very important to these people, however keep in mind that ‘freedom’ means something different to everyone. Materialistic freedom, communicative freedom, physical freedom, sexual freedom, it depends on the person. Positively, this person will set their ambitions on their version of freedom, working hard to not only get the freedom they desire, but to expand and teach others what they’ve learned. Negatively, these people can be very strict teachers, become angsty when people don’t listen to their stories, and can become claustrophobic in their area of freedom if they don’t have enough. If they’re moody, it’s likely due to not having the space they need. Can be a know-it-all. If abuse occurs, it’s probably in spiritual environments or by mentors.

Capricorn: Their reputation is very important to them. You don’t want to mess with this person’s reputation and social status, because they’ll be inclined to take a scary revenge that really isn’t worth the hassle. On a positive note, this person is resourceful and respected, held in high regard to authority. They will be hard workers, and they take no shit from anyone. On a negative note, they might become obsessed with status, become two faced, behind closed doors they’ll be far more manipulative than they will whilst walking down the street. They will manipulate anyone and everyone to reach their goals. This is a boss you do not want to get on the bad side of. If abuse occurs, it’s likely on the path to success or in work environments.

Aquarius: This Nessus needs a reason to help people. They will be the first to suggest, or even initiate, charity movements for people who need help. The good thing about this placement is that they can be excellent healers, they feel accomplished when they see those they’ve helped succeed, and are likely to be the ones who also initiate social movements that will help people live a better life (medical cannabis, free the nipple, feminism). A great thing about this placement is that they are good at respecting everybody as they are. Negatively, they can become too demanding, despising people who disagree with the rights of others, and is excellent at manipulating people using their social skills.  If abuse occurs, it may be by people in your community or in community affairs.

Pisces: A dreamy placement for Nessus. In good vibrations, this person is in love with the metaphysical. They love spreading awareness of peaceful meditation and crystals, they’re probably into healing witchcraft and that kind of stuff. On a negative note, these people are very talented manipulators when it comes to needing others to believe in the same things they do. They can resort to lying in order to make people believe them, and will force their beliefs onto the people around them. This placement in a negative light is someone who will use witchcraft to curse people that so much as looks at them the wrong way, and can become extremely petty. If abuse occurs, it’s usually during childhood.

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1st: Your power lays in your desire for your leadership and self-expression. It’s not just the fact that you want to dominate in general, but the way people see you is probably something at the front of your mind. You have a particular way you want people to see you and you make sure they see you that way. You’re particularly dominant when it comes to the things you’re passionate about, and you always succeed. If you pair this with a Scorpio Nessus, you’re probably in the BDSM community already. If abuse occurs, it’s usually sexual and/or at a young age.

2nd: Your power lays in your desire for material possessions and ideal surroundings. You’re one of those people that save up money just to go shopping for a day. The way your surroundings feel is very important to you, so you probably end up cleaning everything around you or moving things to make sure you feel comfortable. The way things feel and smell and touch, you probably have really soft blankets, comfy chairs, candles or incense, and fairy lights exactly to your taste. If abuse occurs, it may be through being over possessive.

3rd: Your power lays in your desire for communication and community affairs. You like to lead conversations, tend to speak over people. You usually direct the conversations in the directions you want. Awkwardly quiet situations probably make you very uncomfortable. You may involve yourself in community events like library events, and get carried away with communication, whether it’s verbal talking or writing. You tend to think that everything you say is true. If abuse occurs, it’s most likely verbal abuse.

4th: Your power lays in your desire for family and stability. Your controlling nature may materialise in your need for stable foundation. You’ll become bossy when you’re trying to help people or keep the homestead ‘homely’. Instead of giving advice you might tell someone exactly what they should do, and you may feel offended when they don’t listen to you. If abuse occurs, it may be in a home environment or by family.

5th: Your power lays in your desire for happiness and confidence. You can become selfish with this placement, disregarding other’s feelings in order to get what makes you happy. Like the 9th house, you may take on an ‘what’s the point of life if I’m not happy?’ mindset. Even with low self-esteem, you probably pretend to be big-headed and confident, and hate it when people see the insecurities you try to hide. If abuse occurs, it’s likely through personal gain.

6th: Your power lays in your desire for organisation and health. You’re probably prone to hypochondria. You might go through strict diets and exercise plans, search for symptoms and call the doctor as soon as something feels wrong so you can sort it out quickly. Organising events is stressful but something you are good at, but you can become very bossy when things don’t go your way. You tend to have a very tidy house and daily-diary. If abuse occurs, it may be through work environments.

7th: Your power lays in your desire for relationships and fair-play. Justice is very important to you, and anyone getting into law with this placement will go very far. You may be the controlling friend, need to host get-togethers to keep your friends close. You might tend to have an OCD thing going when it comes to fairness, and you’re the first to act when you feel like something is unfair, you’ll do what needs to be done to make sure people get what they deserve. Probably a popular Gryffindor placement… if abuse occurs, its likely by friends or partners.

8th: Your power lays in your desire for sexuality and death. This house may indicate major sexual kinks. The difference in this, however, is that these people are going to want the upper hand in these situations. They want the control. Whether they deem themselves a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’, they will still harness the power. If abuse occurs, it’s likely through sex or violence.

9th: Your power lays in your desire for freedom and teaching. When teaching others, you tend to implement your own ideas and creativity onto them, which ends up supressing and limiting theirs. Your need for freedom may end up materialising as pushing people away or disregarding the opinions and feelings of others to keep what you deem as freedom. Like 5th house, you may have a tendency to may take on an ‘what’s the point of life if I’m not happy?’ mindset. If abuse occurs, it’s probably in spiritual environments or by mentors.

10th: Your power lays in your desire for status and structure. You make scary bosses. You need to know everything about everything in order to structure everything perfectly, and you won’t stand for less than perfect. You need to see yourself progress and your social status needs to align with what you want, and you tend to become uncomfortable when people mess with what you’ve gained. If abuse occurs, it’s likely on the path to success or in work environments.

11th: Your power lays in your desire for community and social rebellion. You may find yourself in high authority of community clubs and charities, social movements like ‘free the nipple’. You probably take offense when someone else’s opinion isn’t your own, as you’ll probably see it as someone not believing in social progress. On a funny note…you’re probably the ones who are going to save the world after an apocalypse. If abuse occurs, it may be by people in your community or in community affairs.

12th: Your power lays in your desire for spirituality and creativity. This placement is probably the weakest of them all. Your desire for power is probably very internalised. You’ll likely desire the power, but you won’t pursue it. If, by chance, you do, you probably tend to think ‘it’s my way or the highway’ when it comes to your spiritual beliefs. If abuse occurs, it’s usually during childhood.

[inyournightmares97]

SugarDaddy!au Mark

You had never imagined that this would happen.

Mark Tuan had been nothing to you throughout your childhood, except your older brother’s handsome friend. You habitually caught glimpses of him when he came by to pick up your brother, and had peeked at his fancy car and expensive clothes. You even blushed whenever his intense gaze chanced your way. You had often wondered why someone as rich and handsome as Mark even hung out with your brother; but as you grew older, their friendship never wavered.

“I would trust Mark with my life,” your brother told you abruptly one evening. The two of you had grown up without parents, and had struggled throughout your teenage years. You were proud of your brother for managing to take care of both you, despite the unfortunate circumstances you’d been placed in.

“I never asked how much you trusted Mark,” you muttered with a roll of your eyes. “Why would I care about your friends?”

“Because I’m going abroad. And I’m trusting him to take care of you.”

Your brother had gotten an offer to go abroad; something he simply couldn’t turn down because there was too much money at stake. He promised you that he would earn as much as he could in a few years and return home. Personally, you were terrified. You had recently started a job as a receptionist at a large company, so you were making some money of your own. But you’d never lived without your brother before. He assured you that Mark would be there for you, that he would come if you needed anything. But you weren’t so sure. You could barely look the man in the eye without blushing madly, how could you rely on him?

But you couldn’t tell your brother that. So you smiled calmly and saw him off at the airport. Mark came to see your brother off as well; once he was gone, he turned and gave you a soft smile. “You know you can call me if you need anything, right? Your brother is like my family.”

You saved his phone number politely, almost positive that you would never use it.

Except that you did.

Things at your workplace started going downhill fast. There was a particular manager who’d had his eye on you and his groping and lewd comments had grown increasingly intolerable until you finally decided to complain to HR. Except HR didn’t give a damn. They created a huge issue out of your complaint and things went badly for a few days until you finally got fired for making ’false’ accusations of sexual harrasment. You had lost your temper when the manager gave you a sly smirk so you’d reached out and twisted his nipple painfully to compensate for the many times he tried to grope your breasts.

So, yes.

The first phone call you made to Mark Tuan was from a prison cell.

Personally, you were terrified. Mark had always been a little scary because he never talked much. You were positive that he was going to be furious at you for creating a ruckus at work and making him drive down to the police station. But Mark bailed you out calmly and without blinking an eyelid. When you finally came out of the prison cell, he wrapped his arms around you and gently rubbed your back.

“Are you okay?” he asked you softly.

You nodded, unable to speak. You had no idea what to do with yourself. You’d lost your job, you could no longer afford to pay rent and now you had an assault case against you. Before you could speak, Mark answered for you.

“We’re going to drive down to your place and get your stuff. Stay with me for a while. I’ll handle all of this.”

You were shocked by how easily Mark welcomed you into his home, how he dealt with the police smoothly and used his influence to get the case against you dropped. You had never bothered to ask what Mark did for a living earlier; but now you learned that he had inherited his father’s business. Mark worked long hours and rarely complained. The longer you stayed in his home, the more you learned that he was extremely lonely and didn’t socialize with other people well. Your brother had been one of his few friends. Mark spent most evenings in front of the television and watching the most absurd soap operas with a glass of wine.

“After listening to people talk about market values and estimations and crunch numbers all day, it feels better to watch something mind-numbingly stupid,” he admitted to you with a smile, as you both watched one of the soap opera villians attempt to fudge the results of a paternity test.

Your idealized version of the rich, handsome brother’s best friend Mark slowly faded away. You came to understand that he was a human being too. He had extreme sides to him; he was either suggesting that you both go out skydiving or windsurfing, else he stayed in bed all day and refused to get out except to eat. He developed this odd habit of buying something extremely expensive for you whenever he had a bad day at work. It was a designer handbag the first time. The second time, it was a lipstick imported from France. The gifts made you uncomfortable and you didn’t know what to do with them.

“Mark, you honestly shouldn’t do this. I’m intruding on your hospitality enough by staying here and mooching off you when I don’t have a job…”

“It makes me feel better to see you happy,” he admitted quietly. He gave you a gentle smile. “You can ask for whatever you want. You know I’ll always take care of you.”

You weren’t an idiot. You knew that whatever had developed between you and Mark was not a healthy friendship; nor did it resemble a sibling relationship in any way. But it wasn’t until the night he came home slightly drunk from an office party that you both officially crossed the line.

“I hate work,” he admitted to you, his words slightly slurred as he struggled to drunkenly take off his shoes. “I hate everyone there. The only person I want to see in the whole day is you. I want to see you happy. I want to see your beautiful smile. That’s all.”

You froze, heartbeat thudding as Mark walked over to you. His hands grasped your shoulders and he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. You had never been kissed in such an adoring manner and you wondered if your heart would explode. “I don’t feel as lonely when you’re around,” he told you, his voice cracking.

Once you both fell into bed together, there was no stopping it. Mark was an excellent lover and you loved how he worshipped every part of you and made sure you were pleasured. There were moments when he dominated you slightly; but it only excited you more. Before you realized it, you were sleeping in his bed every night and he was bringing you more gifts. He bought you clothes, took you to fancy restaurants and on weekend tripa to resorts. You were gliding on the high of luxury until one of your friends saw your designer handbag and knocked you back down to earth.

“Boyfriend?” she asked with a scoff. “Darling, you’ve got yourself a sugar daddy.”

You were quick to refute. “No, no, it’s not like-”

“Like what? You don’t have a job or any financial stability of your own. He’s lonely and miserable so he buys you stuff and you sleep with him. You’re telling me you guys are dating?”

You felt nauseous. Was this what you were doing? You had been enjoying Mark’s attentions and pampering so much that you didn’t stop to think about it. Did you even really like him? Or were you only doing this because he was taking care of you?

Either way, it needed to stop.

“I’m going to bed early,” you told Mark that night as he tried to put his arms around you and kiss you. He blinked at you calmly. You never turned him down.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine. I just… I realized that I can’t live here forever. I can’t rely on you like this forever. I have a couple of job interviews in the morning. I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

Mark frowned at you. “I told you, you can stay here as long as you want. Your brother is-”

“My brother,” you replied carefully, “probably didn’t intend this when he asked you to take care of me.”

Mark’s eyes widened briefly. You saw a hint of panic in them before his expression suddenly went soft and he turned away from you. “You can do whatever you want,” he told you gently. “I just want you to be happy.”

It wasn’t as easy as that. Finding a job was hard, especially considering the undignified manner in which you’d had to leave your last job. No employer looked happy when you told them about what had happened there. There was only one place that called you back for another interview; but even they turned you down in the end.

“One of your references didn’t check out,” they told you simply.

You waited for Mark to come home, sitting stiffly on the sofa in his luxurious apartment. He smiled lightly at you as he entered and toom off his shoes. “Hey,” he greeted you lightly. “How did that job interview go?”

“Not well,” you replied stiffly. “And I think you know why.”

He paused. “What?”

“Apparently one of my references didn’t check out. You get one guess as to which one.”

Mark was silent. You watched as he quietly placed his bag on the couch and then sat down on it. When he looked up, he seemed torn.

“Are you leaving?” he asked you softly.

You stared at him. “What?”

He let out a small, humorless laugh. “I knew I was making a mistake from the beginning. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I should have told you about my feelings from the start. But I was afraid that you would reject me and it turned into… this.”

You blinked at him. “So you did sabotage my references?”

“I was afraid that you would leave me. If you got a job and your own apartment, you wouldn’t need me anymore. I don’t want to lose you,” he explained. He gave you an apologetic smile. “But this is a pretty pathetic way to keep someone around, huh? I’m sorry.”

You felt your throat close up. “I wasn’t going to leave you. I just… didn’t want our relationship to be about you providing for me.”

He looked up at you sharply. “I thought you were happy.”

“I am happy with you. But I want to be financially independent, I don’t want to feel like I’m using you for your money. I don’t want to taint what we have. I need this to be a balanced relationship.”

He only nodded.

“I love you,” he told you softly.

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, the both of you clutching onto each other. Mark meant so much to you; you couldn’t imagine losing him.

“I love you too,” you admitted to him.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

A/N: I’m SO sorry this didn’t turn out well. I thought I could write a sugardaddy!au but I just couldn’t do it. Financial independence for women is something that’s very important to me. I think when a woman doesn’t have the ability to provide for herself and relies on a man to do it, she puts herself in a very vulnerable position.

Not just women but to everyone: it’s not romantic to financially rely on your partner. Have your own job and steady income. It gives you the respect in a relationship and gives you the independence to exit a bad relationship without being forced to stay in it because you have no other way to provide for yourself.

[sugar-petals]

BTS as submissive boyfriends

a/n: A thought experiment to envision Bangtan as subs in your daily and sexual life.

warning: Dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader

Jimin

Jimin is dashing as a submissive, it suits him well. An eager pleaser who memorizes all of your wishes exactingly, always giving more than taking because it fulfills him. Jimin addresses you as his one and only Queen, serenades and serves you with all of his allure. He’ll make you a bubble bath after you get home, write countless love letters, provide all sorts of comfort especially on your period, organize an evening to watch a cute movie, kiss and hug you tight the way you love it. But don’t be fooled, he’s volatile. This man will walk through your house naked all day, too. You know him, he draws a lot of confidence out of approval, so he’ll really groom himself. If you love his natural black hair and soft tummy, he’ll do everything to look like that. If you enjoy his ample legs, he will train each day without fail, and proudly display the results here and there through his ripped blue jeans. 

In bed, Jimin’s divide between soft and sensual shows all the more. He is immensely passionate and sacrificing, all of his avid affection is yours. Prepare for a myriad of curious questions, he wants to know everything you’re into, all the dos and don’ts. This type of devotion is made for someone intense and dominant because it requires guidance as well as receptivity. Your voluptuous Jimin can massage your feet, kiss your breasts, eat you out like it’s nothing. And he wants to do more, more, more, to satisfy you all the time because he loves seeing you gratified. Imagine how many special hours he will dedicate to that. “Love and sex” is his life mantra - that means all of your tensions in these realms will be alleviated. And listen. What you can look forward to the most is how he puts his lusciously gyrating dancer hips and thighs to practice.

Taehyung

The light of your existence - you won’t ever be bored again. Taehyung will enrich your life effortlessly because he makes it so interesting and positive. Compliments and good conversation within your quality time are his strong points: He will always be mindful that you will receive plenty of this, since you become his unchallenged priority. Taehyung will talk with you at length to entertain and cheer you up with his witty mannerisms straight out of his video games and keep you up to date with literally the entire world. He adds some excitement through cheeky flirting and cuddling (Taetae is the clingiest member. If you are deprived of hugs he’s perfect for you), soothing you with his deep, deep voice which he’ll deliberately bring out. He will send you selcas with his smexy bandana creations, funny filters, and a plunging fashionable neckline to add pizazz to it. He texts with the cutest emojis and always encourages you since he believes in your potential. “Mommy, fighting”, he’ll write, and you know he smiles his rectangle smile as he sends it to you.

Erotic hours with Taehyung will echo a similar feeling. He is down for every conceivable endeavor, but it stays light. Unless he switches on his temptation mode, that is. All in all, nothing is ever confined to the bedroom alone - it seems that his affinity goes towards the bathroom instead. Sensual showers and baths with lots of foam, voilà, Taehyung will be all cute and bashful for you. The kitchen is the second favorite where you will have some fruit adventures, you can imagine how creative he gets. Tae also amuses you with his dirty talk, so many clever innuendoes. He can bring everything sexual to an intellectual level, which will lead to the most juicy messages on your fridge. Talking about juicy: have you seen Taehyung’s hands? They will make you feel so, so good. In the morning, at noon, at night. And that voice is sure to push you over the edge every time. 

Yoongi

The fascinator. A very private man of unwavering loyalty. To share this hermit-like intimacy with you is his gift - he’s exclusive to you, undemanding, very minimalistic. Yoongi is an immensely shrewd shadow worker and secret keeper. None of your problems will remain unsolved, even if he stores a lot in his head only to reveal it much later. You have all the power, and Yoongi the master plan to solidify your reign. He really thinks long-term which makes him very sure about his commitment. Yoongi knows your future and how to make it good: By loving you. Foreseeing the hard times, he becomes proactive. His devotion also shows in the way he gives you presents as often as he can. A personal mixtape, a ticket to your favorite singer’s concert. He works hard, so hard. Usually the critical type, he is able to let down his guard with you. He can share his heart without having to protect himself with coldness or sharp comments. Trust me when I say that he will shower you with the most sincerely endearing things. He’ll also guard you from outside malice and back you up. If you are struggling with any problem concerning your state of mind, Yoongi will sacrifice everything he has to make you healthy because he knows how it is. Know that you are his Empress, ready to be revered every day.

You will fully realize that when he gets intimate. It is true, you have South Korea’s most talented tongue between your legs and at your whim. His job lends him ridiculous stamina, Yoongi can make you groan and shake all night. What he does not utter or express through writing during the day, he will make up for with a plethora of lavish tongue movements. Sweet Suga might take his time and finish intensely or vice versa if that is your wish. Yoongi is not afraid of taboos and extremes - in fact, he needs them. You can lead and dominate him completely, he loves to feel your impact. He can finally let go of his troubles like this. Remember how he said he likes Jimin and J-Hope for their extroverted energy and strong vibe as it makes him snap out of his blues. Getting tied up or teased with toys, he craves it all. Last but not least, a little secret: It is safe to say that this sexy vampire will lick your sensitive neck to some new orgasmic heights.

Namjoon

A yielding and steadfast partner for you, highly intuitive. This jovial man will muse about you as the meaning of his life, and how divine you are, like a Priestess blessing him. You’re always on his mind and he’ll let you know about it artistically, no matter how cheesy it gets. I am sure he could open a museum dedicated to you as the overarching theme. Joon is also going to be a feast for your eyes. Chic and futuristic, he models the neatest couture for you, and helps you to buy your own so you can be an edgy couple. He will wear stylish bags and his eccentric sunglasses, and you call him babe. Occasionally, Rapmon will share his music with you and write an entire collection of raps that describe his feelings. Namjoon is a poet, philosopher, and psychologist, striving to understand all of your motivations and dreams. He’s your biggest fan in a way, and heals your soul. Whatever makes you chuckle becomes his daily task - he’ll even break some trivial items on purpose because it makes you laugh yourself to tears. 

Namjoon in bed is not very agile precisely due to his lanky stature and those clumsy moments. Do you know what that means? You can top the living hell out of him. That’s right. Joonie is just fine on his back having you ravage him, and he’ll whisper the lewdest, intelligent things to you. If you’ve studied his lyrics, you know how far he wants to go. Though you have to know that his heart and sexual demeanor are much softer than his image suggests. Like Jimin, he is a romantic in search of a woman who can conquer him, who can get him into the heat of the moment, out of his head in the clouds. You can control and tantalize him and his delicious, sexy body however you want, all he loves is to see you delight in your power position. With submissive Namjoon, I guarantee you will have tons of fun.

J-Hope

Hobi is tremendously bright, empathetic, and gentle. Thus, he’s perfectly in tune with your needs as his character is so reactive. If you are an introvert, this is your perfect match. J-Hope will energize you one-to-one or in a group because he’s the paramount socialite, and once you’ve charged enough sunlight, he’ll show you his peaceful and relaxed side which can also be quite hedonistic. Like Jungkook, he will indulge you, make you feel good the way you never experienced it before. No matter the circumstance: He’ll say or text “I love you” at least once a day in the most uplifting tone, often addressing you with sugary sweet names on top of that. You’re his Aphrodite, and Hoseok will never make you doubt that the arrows of Eros have reached his heart. He’ll always get so excited how amazing you are, conveying it with his animated body language, joking and jumping around. And even in the serious moments, he will do everything in his power to make you happy.

That includes creating a very vivid sexual life with you. He’s not perfectly submissive like Yoongi and Jimin, but more like Taehyung, in a glamorous fashion. If he arrives with his hair sleeked or swiped back with his glorious forehead on full display, you know what’s going on. This guy will really put on a show for you. Just because you two are getting intimate it doesn’t mean he’s no longer an entertainer. You can sit on his lap when he’s in his shiny sequin suit, and run your hands through his meticulously styled hair (Hobi is fastidious with self-care, you will never have any complaints). Did you see pictures of him in suspenders? Blazing hot! He’ll wear these underneath his jackets because you are really into them. And if you don’t like to keep it classy here and there, get flexible. Literally, because this is what Hoseok’s body is. You can have sex in the most incredible positions, no limits. He really is such a well-rounded and well-versed (heh) sexual partner, and very zestful for that matter. 

Jin

Class act. A flawless gentleman. The ace of Bangtan, with better manners than any butler. It is not chivalry in a sense that he interferes with your business that you can perfectly handle on your own. No, he rather has the nerve to absorb all daily life burdens from you in private to assure that his goddess is never stressed out too much. You come home tired and ask for something soothing, he makes you some soup. You rant about someone, he will mediate and understand you. In essence, he provides all the relief you desire. He entertains you generously but also has an open ear and a shoulder to lean on - you can talk to Jin to everything, he can and will be able to deal with it so your safety and well-being is the priority of everything in your relationship. Always responsible and caring, he shops and manages and cleans as good as he can, and rests his gorgeous head in your lap every evening so you can caress him at will.  

Now what happens when this handsome fella sleeps with his goddess? He’ll dine you first, and then show his terrifically seductive side. Jin has figured out what arouses you down to a T. For instance, once he slowly strips off his shirt to reveal those chiseled, broad shoulders, there’s no turning back. He can pepper your hot sessions with plenty of his humor to spice it up, you can really feel free to get weird with him as much as you please. In fact, Jin loves a lot of randomness and talking when you two make out. There’s going to be a lot of eye contact involved, too, mixed with many giggles. And now here’s the cherry on top. Jin will often combine your sexual activities with travels and wellness. How does this sound like: You both finance a day at a spa in Jeju, followed by getting some more relief in the hotel afterwards. Though Jin can deliver a massage himself you see. Whenever you ask, this guy will drop everything. 

Jungkook

We all know why he hates being called Oppa. The “show your ID” is just a cop-out, Jungkook makes it obvious that he wants a Noona to adore and look up to. Partly, he’s doing it out of sheer fun, he’s playful, nimble. On the other hand, he’ll take it seriously. So he’ll diligently cater to you. For instance, he’ll be your humble yet sultry chef, not missing any opportunity to indulge you with his kitchen skills. He loves to cook because it pleases you so much, especially with an apron tied around his lovely slender hips, moving through the kitchen whistling and singing - he’s a treat, so charming. He’ll spoil you rotten and ask for your approval like this: “Noona tell me, did I do well?” Kookie knows you love his tight shirts and the side part so you can feel up his chest and silky hair. Hence he’ll take some time styling himself, is often seen somewhere ironing or folding the clothes you like on him. And he will style you, too! Cozy Jungkook attends to your locks in particular, he’ll comb and braid them just to hear you sigh under his relaxing hands while you two watch anime. He’ll also massage and tickle you if you demand it, and put on a suave dance as in Rainism to turn you on when you’re in the mood.

So when it comes down to sex: Take him out to your favorite restaurant and you can already see how much of a sensory gourmet he is. He’s not an extreme of sexual naïvity or total overdrive as it may seem. Jungkook will be fairly balanced, in fact. Have you seen how deliberately he manages his own body? The physical territory is where he roams successfully, and he is sure to become a connoisseur of your body in no time. Jungkook will do everything just right, stopping you or himself in whatever hurried tracks to keep it nuanced, healthy, and harmonious. He wants to be your baby boy, attending to every carnal wish that his Noona has. No suggestion or trick is too bizarre for him to make you cum. Because remember: He likes the fun of it. You could be the most awkward person in the world, Jungkook wants to really put you at ease. Thus, sex oscillates between relaxing and steamy. He’ll be so pleasing to your eyes, tongue, and hands with his sculpted body, and that’s just the beginning of it. This man embodies your ecstasy.

[paranormalrp]

Hello members! Here is your pre-opening task! It is optional and you are welcome to answer as many or ask little questions as you would like! Please tag this as para:questionnaire so everyone can see it! Enjoy!

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MUN

ALIAS:

PRONOUNS:

TIMEZONE:

CHARACTER YOU PLAY:

What’s your favorite season?:

Do you have a favorite scary movie?:

Werewolves or vampires? :

Do you believe in ghosts? :

What do you like to listen to you when you write?:

Do you have any pets?:

Do you have a favorite color?

Do you have a favorite junk food?

Do you prefer short gif chats or long threads or both? :

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE CHARACTER

credit

Mannerisms.

FACE: [Do they have an expressive face? Do they show their emotions in their face? Or do they tend to have a poker face most of the time?]

HANDS: [Do they make a lot of hand gestures? What kind of gestures do they use?]

LEGS/FEET: [Do they tap their feet or jiggle their leg?]

EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS: [Are they prone to these? Do they tend to cry or yell when they’re upset, or laugh and jump about when they’re happy?]

HABITS: [Do they have any habits, like humming or singing or fidgeting or fiddling?]

POSTURE: [Do they usually stand straight and to attention, or do they tend to slump? Does their posture change with their mood? How does it change?]

WALKING POSTURE: [How do they walk? Do they skip gleefully along, do they march like a soldier, do they slump their shoulders and stomp around?]

SITTING POSTURE: [How do they like to sit? Cross legged? Slouched? Feet apart or together?]

PERSONAL SPACE: [Do they like to maintain a personal bubble, or does it bother them when people get in their personal space? Do they tend to be respecful of others’ personal space?]

SPACIAL AWARENESS: [Are they good at noticing what’s around their physical space? Or do they tend to be clumsy and bump into things?]

OTHER: [Optional - anything not covered by the above.]

Health:

DIET: [What do they like to eat? Do they have a healthy, well-balanced diet? Do they eat a lot of junk food? Or do they sometimes forget to eat?]

SLEEP: [Do they sleep a lot? Or not a lot? Do they go to bed late, or do they sleep early and get up early? Are they prone to nightmares or strange dreams?]

EXERCISE: [Do they work out a lot? Too much, not enough, or just right?]

ACTIVITY: [Do they tend to work hard and exhaust themselves? Or are they pretty lazy? Or somewhere in between?]

CLEANLINESS: [Do they bathe regularly? Are they meticulous about washing?]

ODOUR: [Do they have any particular body odour (good or bad)?]

MEDICINAL DRUGS: [Any medicinal drugs taken?]

NARCOTICS: [Any recreational drugs taken?]

ADDICTIONS: [Any physical addictions?]

ILLNESS: [Any physical ailments?]

INJURIES: [Any injuries that never completely healed, and still cause trouble?]

PARASITES: [Do they have fleas or any other parasites?]

OTHER: [Optional - anything not covered by the above.]

Personal.

INTROVERT/EXTROVERT?: [Is your character one of these? How does that manifest in their life?]

OPTIMIST/PESSIMIST: [Which of these are they? Or are they in between?]

GENDER: [What is the character’s gender, if any? Do they feel that their gender matches their anatomy?]

SEXUALITY: [What type of person do they feel sexual attraction for, if any? Do they have a preference for one sex/gender in particular? Do they prefer their own race/species, or another? Is their any type of person they absolutely would NOT want to get into bed with? Or do they have no preference?]

ROMANTIC: [Are they inclined towards romance? Do they enjoy lots of romance, a little, or do they prefer no romance at all? Do they see themselves married with kids one day, or would they prefer to be alone?]

MEMORY: [Do they have a good memory? Or are they forgetful? Are they good at remembering certain things and not others?]

PLANNING: [Are they good at planning? Do they spend a lot of time planning or do they tend to leap right into things?]

PENSIVE: [Do they spend a lot of time thinking over their actions, their life, their problems, etc?]

INTUITION: [Are they good at making the right decisions, or at figuring things out from minimal clues?]

PROBLEM SOLVING: [Are they good at dealing with puzzles and problems?]

GOALS: [What is their main goal in life? Do they have any short-term goals?]

INSECURITIES: [Is there anything they are insecure about? Do they hide their insecurities well? Do they affect the way they live their life?]

ACHIEVEMENTS: [Anything they’re especially proud of?]

ANXIETY: [What, if anything, causes the character to feel anxiety?]

OVERWHELMED: [Do they ever feel like things are just too much?]

SELF-HELP: [How do they deal with their life problems?]

COMFORTS: [What helps the character to feel comfortable and happy?]

BAD HABITS: [Do they have any bad habits?]

PHILOSOPHY: [Do they have any religious or philosophical beliefs? What are they?]

TRIGGERS: [Do they have any triggers?]

The Past.

PARENTS/GUARDIANS: [Did they have a good relationship with their parents while they were growing up?]

SCHOOL: [Did they do well at school, or did they struggle?]

ADOLESCENCE: [How did puberty go? Was it a hard change? What was particularly hard (or easy) about it?]

LEAVING HOME: [What was it like for them leaving home for the first time? What prompted them to move out of the home they grew up in?]

FURTHER EDUCATION: [Did they go to college? University? What did they study, and how well did they do?]

FIRST JOB: [What was their first job? Did they enjoy it?]

LIFE EVENTS: [Did they have any important life events that affected the route their life took? This could be something traumatic or it could be something pleasant like graduating with good grades.]

WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: [What happened?]

BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: [What happened?]

LESSONS: [What are the most important things they have learned through experience?]

LOOKING BACK: [If they could re-play their life and do something differently, what would they do?]

Relationships.

FAMILY: [Who, if anyone, does the character consider their family? Are these blood relatives? And do they have a good relationship with their family?]

FRIENDSHIPS: [Do they have lots of friends, or just one or two close friends? What do they look for in a friend?]

FRIENDS IN NEED: [How do they help a friend who is going through hard times? Do they offer advice and support, or do they feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to say?]

NEEDING A FRIEND: [Do they tend to go to friends when they need help and support? Or do they deal with their problems on their own? Do their friends ever worry about them?]

ANNOYANCES: [How do they deal with arguments and disagreements with friends or partner?]

ROMANCE: [If applicable: how do they woo a potential partner? What do they look for in a potential partner?]

MARITAL PROBLEMS: [How do they deal with problems in their love life? Do they talk it through with their partner? Or do they bury their head in the sand?]

ADVERSARIES: [What would turn them off a friendship or romance?]

ENEMIES: [What would make them hate someone enough to call them an enemy?]

STRANGERS: [Do they tend to be respectful to strangers, or are they careless towards anyone who they don’t consider a friend?]

FUN STUFF: [What kind of things do they like doing with a friend?]

DATING: [What kind of things to they like doing with a romantic partner?]

BEST FRIEND: [If applicable - who do they consider their best friend?]

LOVE: [If applicable - who do they consider to be the love of their life?]

WORST ENEMY: [If applicable - who do they consider to be their worst enemy?]

RESPECT: [Do they respect their enemies, even if they don’t like them? Is there anyone they disrespect? Why?]

Interactions.

MINGLING: [Do they get along well with others, in general? Or are they bad at making new friends?]

COMFORT LEVELS: [Do they feel comfortable talking to people? What might others do that could make them uncomfortable?]

PHYSICAL: [Do they tend to be touchy-feely? Do they hug people or pat them on the back> Or do they prefer not to touch anyone?]

GROUPS: [Are the comfortable in a big group? Or do they prefer to spend time with just one or two people?]

OPENNESS: [Do they tend to open up easily? Or does it take them a while to open up to someone?]

GENEROSITY: [Do they like to buy gifts and treats for others? Would they be willing to lend money to a friend? How do they feel about people buying gifts for them?]

JEALOUSY: [What might make them feel jealous towards somebody else? Is there anyone they are jealous of, or have been jealous of in the past? How do they deal with jealousy?]

TEMPER: [Are they easily worked up or do they have a lot of patience?]

EMPATHY: [Are they able to empathise with another person’s feelings? Or do they tend to be clumsy and put their foot in it? Or do they just not care who they hurt?]

AFFECTION: [How do they show affection for others?]

DISTASTE: [How do they show that they dislike someone?]

ETIQUETTE: [Do they tend to stick to the polite norms of social situations, or can they sometimes be rude or inappropriate?]

RESPONSIBILITY: [Do they admit when they’re wrong? If they make a mistake, do they try to correct it?]

SELF ESTEEM: [Do they tend to stick up for themselves or do they let others push them around? Why?]

CONFIDENCE: [Do they care what others think of them?]

HONESTY: [Do they always speak their thoughts honestly? Or will they keep things private if they feel that it might upset someone?]

LEADER OR FOLLOWER: [Which one are they? Or are they neither?]

PARTY TRICKS: [Do they have any special skills or talents that impress other people and gain them praise?]

PRAISE: [Are they comfortable accepting compliments?]

FAILURES: [Is there anything they do that makes people annoyed or irritated?]

CRITICISM: [How do they take criticism?]

INSULTS: [How do they take insults?]

EMBARRASSMENT: [Are they easily embarrassed? How do they handle embarrassment?]

FLIRTING: [Are they flirtatious? Why?]

ATTENTION SPAN: [Are they able to concentrate on lots of things? Can they hold their concentration well? Or are they easily distracted?]

SITUATIONS: [Are they good at dealing with difficult social situations? Such as an argument or someone getting upset?]

Life.

DUTY: [What kind of responsibilities do they have?]

TECH: [Are they good with modern technology or do they prefer not to tough a computer?]

POLITICS: [Do they have strong political opinions? How to they show their support/opposition for their leaders? Do they vote?]

COMBAT SKILLS: [Can they fight and defend themselves?]

HOME: [How do they like to keep their home and their personal space? Are they messy or organized?]

DAILY LIFE: [Do they cope well with day-to-day or do they tend to feel out of their depth?]

INDEPENDENCE: [Can they get on well by themselves? Or do they sometimes need help dealing with things like bills and bank accounts?]

COOKING: [Can they cook?]

BUILDING: [Can they put together an item of furniture or do basic DIY?]

CLEANING: [Do they keep their home clean and tidy? Do they always do their chores?]

SHOPPING: [Do they like to shop? Or do they prefer to only go to the store when absolutely necessary? Are they prone to impulsive buying or do they shop sensibly?]

DRIVING: [Can they drive, or operate any vehicle?]

FINANCES: [Are they in a good position financially? Are they good at taking care of their bank account? Do they usually pay their bills on time?]

MARRIAGE: [Are they married? Do they plan on getting married? If so, how do they plan on spending their life with their partner?]

KIDS: [Do they have or want kids?]

PETS: [Do they have or want pets?]

DEPENDANTS: [Do they have anyone to look after, such as an elderly relative or a sick friend?]

LAW: [Have they ever done anything illegal? What was it?]

COURT: [Have they ever been in court? Why? And what was the verdict?]

PRISON: [Have they ever been in prison?]

TRAVELLING: [Have they ever been on holiday, or would they like to?]

MEDICAL: [Do they go to the doctor/dentist when they need to? Or are they afraid of going to see the doctor?]

ILLNESS: [Do they have any mental illnesses that affect the way they live their life?]

WORRIES: [Is there anything that keeps them awake at night?]

PEACE: [Do they like peace and quiet? Or do they prefer always to listen to the radio or playing their favourite songs?]

PARTYING: [Do they go out partying a lot? Or do they prefer to  stay in?]

HOBBIES: [Anything they enjoy doing in their spare time?]